#severe lack of variety in my practice

[shevr]

#mlp #rare attempt at putting to (digital) paper a rare occurence of some sort of joke idea #not the funniest and i wasn't fast enough to draw it before it started boring me but there it's out into the world anyway (sorry) #it might seem weird for someone who's drawn 3000+ diary comics but i badly lack experience with comics actually #severe lack of variety in my practice #fixing that this year maybe ? #shevr #my lines

[featherwurm]

At some point between Moonrise and Baulder's Gate - the crew stops to clean up a bit, and I have an excessive amount of thoughts about social bathing as it applies to the tadfools:

Baulder’s Gate features several bathhouses (including the landmark location Hissing Stones) and they seem geared to a wide variety of clientele; pragmatic (bathing), personal (social and solicitous), and political (a place of meeting) – it can be assumed that group bathing is a norm in the city at all social strata, although wealthier private residences also undoubtedly feature private bathing arrangements. Gender divides do not seem common in Baulder’s Gate on a whole*, and co-ed bathing could likely be a norm as well.

Individual headcanons below the cut - your mileage may vary, this is pulled roughly out of D&D lore, a few character interactions, thoughts about Roman baths, and my ass;

Tav – From the lower middle class of Baulder’s Gate, she grew up with normal family outings to the bathhouse to clean and socialize. In the monastery, cohabiting with a variety of people, group bathing was also a norm (also just… hanging out on a hot day with your buddies or whatever.) Her order views the body kindly, though not worshipfully, and does not view it as a vehicle of shame. It should be cared for with attention and thought to best use it, and while pleasure is inherent (and unshameful) to human nature it is not fundamentally a part of just being naked. She finds nothing out of the ordinary to toss off your clothes and jump in the river with your buddies.

Karlach – Also from Baulder’s Gate’s lower social strata, she too grew up using bathhouses as a place to get clean, have some fun, and be extremely bored while your parents caught up on the gossip. Similarly, working for Gortash meant the occasional political meeting at the Hissing Stones or other locations (a place you CERTAINLY want to take your bodyguard – although she wouldn’t get to enjoy the bathhouse while working). Living in Avernus for a decade in a militaristic setting has also thrown off her sense of normalcy – if you ever get a chance to clean up there (extremely rarely) you take it whatever the circumstance may be. She’s happy to get naked, get in the water, and get clean whoever the company is. (As little children, both Tav and Karlach had to be actively removed from fountains, the river, and suitably large puddles when they presented the opportunity to be in the water – which both of them love.)

Shadowheart – Sharans and the enclave she is from seem to have some issues with pleasures of the flesh and see them as negative and to be shunned. Life is misery and pain and you better get used to it through daily practice. Given her lack of memory of any childhood normalcy, any time spent around other people in a casual way is long gone. She does not seem to have come out of it with bodily shame herself, but undoubtedly finds the idea of just being comfortable with nudity in a platonic way to be alien. Given that she can’t swim, it adds another layer of discomfort being in the water. It takes her some time to warm up to jumping in the river with the others, but she does come round, although she sticks to the shallows until she learns to swim.

Lae’zel – Githyanki don’t seem to have any shame about bodies, at least given their various styling of armor and clothing. Given their almost eusocial social structure and militaristic culture, it’s unlikely there’s much stigma over the body or that of others. She’s certainly with a peculiar group here, but whatever, you need to get the blood out of your hair eventually – the others are sort of strange-looking to her eye for a while though (Shadowheart, Gale, and Astarion seeming like the frail offspring of some small animal with their soft pinkness, Karlach, Tav, and Wyll resembling more of carapaced insects with their ridges and horns.)

Gale – While Waterdeep has it’s spas, these seem more places of relaxation and retreat rather than practical bathing establishments (he does like a nice relaxing treatment – in a robe of course.) Gale has spent so long cooped up in his tower having a weird relationship with the goddess of magic that the idea of just… casually being naked with other mortal people is probably completely off his radar. It is not culturally or personally familiar to him, and feels a little uncouth. He’s going to find a reason to go cook and then clean up by himself later.

Astarion – Speaking of any sense of normalcy having been long gone, his only real use of Baulder’s Gate’s bathhouses has been picking up victims for the last couple centuries (almost always in a sexual context.) Approaching casual bathing with others as any kind of normal is something that will take a reserved approach and a lot of patience as with most things with him. He’s snarky and weird about the whole thing, but it’s to be expected. He later more politely refuses as he works on boundaries and sorts himself out – there’s not enough time in game to sort this shit out. Plus he smells a bit of death no matter what he does – apart from physically getting stuff off his body he’s more reliant on perfume than bathing to feel clean.

Wyll – From Baulder’s Gate and used to playing around wherever he feels like it, it’s not foreign to him to enjoy a bathhouse or river romp (especially in light of various political bargaining happening in the baths) but being from the upper class of Baulder’s Gate he’s not the most casual about it. In his time away from Baulder’s Gate, and being as young as he was, he’s become a little sensitive about it, given his gentlemanly approach developed through his time in the wilds. Still though, it wouldn’t put him off, prior to Mizora’s transformation of him, at which point he’s got body image issues to work through before he’s comfortable again. The tieflings (Karlach and Tav) try to be re-assuring but they come on a little strong about it (hard not to – what he’s viewing as demonic punishment they view as normal for their own bodies – horns and ridges and all.)

Halsin – Look we all know the man likes to be naked and “one with nature”. Bodies are normal and being naked is natural. He’s not caught up on anything, although he might be literally a bear about it if he’s comfortable.

Jahira – Another Baulder’s Gate native who’s used to the city’s amenities. She is much too old and much too traveled to be fussed about who’s around at the evening wash up. She might pretend to be offended or ruffled (or too casual) if she thinks it’s funny – otherwise she’s too busy soaking her joints to care.

Minsc – Minsc is just happy to be here. Are we bonding by bathing together? Ok! But be careful of Boo – he is a delicate creature and gets very angry if he gets soap in his eyes.

Minthara… wasn’t in my playthough, sorry. But I’m certain she’d have the opinion that it’s normal for the ladies to socialize and such while washing but involving the men is bizarre and tasteless.

*Given the normalcy of non-binary, trans, and intersex bodies and identities in BG3, which I personally love.

#BG3 #baulders gate 3 #headcanon #art #personal #sketch

[styllwaters]

what are sea crawlers' homes like? i.e. floor plans, decor, entertainment, that kind of stuff, also, what are the differences between ocean and land? or rural vs urban?

Sorry for taking so long to answer this one! I wanted to do something big for it :)

Explanations under the cut!

OCEAN-DWELLER SETTLEMENTS

Ocean-dweller settlements are located underwater, although they often breach the surface! They are nearly always built out of disks, the coral-like sessile organisms I mentioned in my last post. Generations of selective breeding and gene editing have given the disks the ability to survive heavy modifications. Disk-based buildings are carved out from the inside to make rooms and tunnels - this is the traditional method, and has been practiced for millions of years.

Every disk has a canopy, which is essentially an underwater balcony. They are enclosed by translucent domes, which are made of a tough organic-derived fibre. Decorations, in the form of colourful stones and gardens, are very popular. Non disk based marine homes have also been around for a while, but they are only used if disks cannot thrive in the area (due to lack of sunlight or otherwise).

Red disks are bred in suburban areas for their smaller size. They cannot combine with neighbouring disks. Typically house 2-5 individuals.

Purple and blue disks are the standard for reef cities in urban areas. They can grow many stories high, and are very clustered together. To an outsider, it can be a nightmare trying to navigate the cities. The largest varieties can house up to several hundred individuals.

I also dabbled a bit in other features like the viewing screen (AKA a sea crawler TV) albeit not much. Apologies for not giving a more detailed internal view, I wanted to keep things digestible.

_______

SHORE-DWELLER SETTLEMENTS

These are a lot simpler than their ocean counterparts, but are just as tough - if not more. Shore-dwellers don't need to worry about the extra maintenance of keeping their houses alive; they are composed of stone, wood, and fired clay, amongst other materials.

Caves excavated into cliff-sides are the most common type of home. Ramps which lead into the ocean sit at each entrance, and a second entrance is often placed at the top of the cliff. When the land is too flat to excavate, huts and cabins are the alternative. These sometimes resemble disks, with canopies for sunbathing and relaxing.

The only settlements built far away from the shore are research facilities and stations for terrestrial sophonts hailing from other planets.

#may have gotten a little carried away with this one ;) #sea crawlers #speculative biology #speculative evolution #worldbuilding #art #my art #ask #spec bio #spec evo #alien culture #aliens #illustration #vivere 44 #original species #xenofiction

[trivialbob]

Last night Sheila and I went to a Minneapolis brewery to play Crokinole with other people. It wasn't a tournament. We just rotated around different tables to compete with various players in the loosely organized event.

When we first arrived a guy was already there getting set up. He had a really nice board. He examined our folding board and seemed to have doubts. People often ask if the center-line seam affects play. It does not.

He noted our bumper pegs were wood and lacked the rubber or silicon cover that the pegs on his board had. "Not as bouncy," he explained. I quietly wondered if we had purchased a deficient board. As more people arrived I saw at least half the boards had the wood pegs like ours. Whew!

That guy was super nice though. Before the games began he took time to practice with me and offered helpful advice that I welcomed.

He asked how often I waxed our board's surface. "Never, I mean not yet," I replied. He got out micro fiber towels and car wax spray and went to work on our board. I liked the results. The appearance didn't change, but the wood discs slid much better. I think I had better control over them after that. He also explained how to use shuffleboard wax/sawdust. One variety I saw was from France. I'm not sure it's legal in all 50 US states. Sheila said another one looked like popcorn salt. Thank goodness the brewery didn't offer popcorn, because she might have gotten sick!

Sheila and I were the oldest people there. Several of the players were younger than our two sons. I still enjoyed talking with them. It amused me that instead of talking about spouses and houses, as I might with my peers, I heard about boyfriends/girlfriends/roommates and apartments.

It was a fun evening.

#Sheila spotted someone holding a tiny dog inside a jacket #She went over to see the dog #The owner said “shhh” I don't know if the dog can be in here #Sheila told him the brewery is dog friendly #That made him happy

[thenightfolknetwork]

I've got kind of a big dilemma here. I've always assumed i was sapio and just strange. I've never liked lying, and I have some weird allergies so my diet's pretty low sodium and we don't have cast iron pans but other than that my life has been pretty "typical", for lack of a better word. But I graduated last year, so my parents were going through baby pictures, and my dad pulled one out I'd never seen before from the day I was born and the baby in the photo was Not Me. Like one thousand percent definitely not me. I mentioned it, and my mom freaked out and told me not to be ridiculous and buried the picture at the bottom of the box. But I know when I'm being lied to, and there is no way that's a picture of me. And the other day I got a box in the mail that smelled like pine sap and lilacs and the ground after it rains, and there was a letter and a stone with a perfectly round hole in it inside. I'm adopted, apparently, and the stone is supposed to help me see hidden things until my eyesight improves. My bio family has invited me to a party on the spring equinox so I can meet them. But I have this sinking feeling that if I go they're not going to let me go back home? I love the parents who raised me and I don't want to leave them, but I do also want to meet my bio family and my "twin" (the baby from the picture who I guess is about my age now?). Do you have any advice for how to set the proper boundaries with my bio family so I can meet them without losing the life I've been raised in?

I'm afraid I don't quite follow your thinking here, reader.

Infant substitution is practised in a variety of different cultures on this plane of existence and several others. Without more information about your biological family's background, I am hesitant to make any sweeping proclamations about their specific practices. That said, I see no reason in your letter to assume they are planning a spot of interplanar kidnapping to usher in the equinox.

There are a few tangible signs they might not be being entirely honest about their intentions - if they are insisting you wear specific clothing and jewellery for the event (undyed, natural fibres, for example, or a crown of columbine and foxglove) or if they are at all cagey about the details of any rituals and ceremonies involved in the celebration, for example.

But without these red flags, I'm afraid you may be falling victim to nothing more or less than a rather pernicious strain of anti-liminal scaremongering.

By all means, ask your relatives about any etiquette you might need to be aware of, and whether the event will include a formal refutation of obligatory reciprocity. These perfectly ordinary things to take into account before travelling to another realm. Indeed, if your biological family shows any reluctance in answering, that might be another red flag.

Beyond these formalities, though, you run the risk of causing serious offence if you show up at the equinox celebrations with pockets full of salt and breadcrumbs, refusing to eat or drink and festooned in protective amulets.

With all due kindness and respect, I urge you to consider where these ideas and anxieties have their roots. Regardless of your true genus, you have been raised in a profoundly sapio-centric society. We are none of us immune to the prejudices and preconceptions taught to us by the society we're steeped in.

But we do have a choice about if and how we carry those ideas with us in the future. Take the time to educate yourself on infant substitution in general and, if possible, on your biological family's culture in particular. I think you'll soon find these fears are unfounded.

Finally, please, don't be too hard on yourself for internalising these misconceptions. We can't help the world we were raised in or the assumptions it taught us. But we do have the power to unlearn those harmful patterns of thought, and to work together to create a better present.

#answered #monstrous agonies #the nightfolk network

[the-scandalorian]

Do you have any advice for new writers losing confidence? I read other stories sometimes and feel so hopeless about my own writing. Other writers are so talented and so much better. It makes me want to quit.

hii my love,

the good news is that i have many pieces of advice for you because this is a feeling i also experience. most of this advice is not directly related to writing and more about navigating tumblr because for me, a lot of these feelings are exacerbated by isolation. so, several things:

know that you are not alone in this feeling. it’s normal. every writer, and i mean every one—from those with 10 followers to those with 10k followers—has these feelings. it's part of writing. it's scary and vulnerable to share something you've created, and it’s impossible not to compare yourself to others. but it’s important to make sure your perspective is not “these other writers are my competition” but rather, “these writers are members of my community who i can learn from, befriend, and share my own unique talents with.” quality is subjective. we all bring value

remember that tumblr doesn’t make it easy to find new people or fics. it’s unlikely that people are seeing your work and thinking, “i don’t want to read their fics,” and far more likely that they aren’t seeing your fics at all

which brings me to my most important advice: build community. reach out to people you like and make a few good friends. and be patient with the process! it takes time and concerted effort. you have to reach out, send asks, comment on fics, drop into dms of several people to find a handful you vibe with. you have to cast a wide net and try more than once. you have to find things you have in common with people. a couple people might ignore you, most will be kind, and a few will become good friends

i highly recommend using discord to stay connected with the promising people you meet—both for dms and to join servers. it’s more direct and social. it’s far easier to cultivate friendships

get a beta reader and/or be a beta reader. not only is it a good way to improve your writing, but it’s also a good way to get close to another writer. this process also takes time because i recommend asking someone you know whose writing you like (i.e. not reaching out to someone you haven’t interacted with yet to ask). i ask friends who have writing strengths i lack and ones i can offer to help in return because we like the same characters. making it a reciprocal process isn't always possible but is ideal!

provide support to get support. friendships aren’t transactional, but they do require effort and care from both parties. that means if you want in-depth comments on your fics, regular asks, etc., doing that for others is a great way to facilitate it. for instance, i love when someone i know drops into my askbox/dms with a din fic they’ve written, but it doesn’t feel great when someone who has never interacted with me or my work does that. that says: i don’t need to support your work, but you should support mine. not a good look

that being said, don’t be afraid to self-rec when people ask for recommendations. it’s scary but a good way to put your work out there, and it can be more comfortable to do when you’ve already interacted with the person asking for recs

this is the most common writing advice because it’s effective: read! not just fic but published work from a variety of genres and authors. read for inspiration, to study authors’ styles, to take a break from writing when you’re burnt out, etc.

the only way to get better at writing is to write. write half-polished things, write overwrought metaphors (like me), write sentences that are too long (also me), use ‘try hard’ vocabulary (me again). do whatever. do it all. do what’s fun. fanfic is the perfect medium for exploration. it’s a playground without huge stakes. think of it all as practice. think of it all as getting out the bad so you can get to the good. no one starts out a good writer

remember that engagement is especially low on tumblr and getting lower. it's hard not to take personally. but after a while, you realize there are phases of higher and lower activity. it’s likely that the din fandom will start to pick up again in a couple months when the trailer comes out. in the meantime, if you chat with friends, share fics, and interact with others regularly/directly, things don’t seem so bad

i hope some of this helps. please know that i’m happy you’re here. i’m happy to have more people writing and sharing their creativity and joining the community. jumping in is hard, but everything feels easier when you have some connections

💖

#asks #writing advice #long post

[ancientcraftnoccultism]

Beginner Class - Visualization 101

Ancient Craft & Occultism

Visualization 101

___

By KB

Introduction

Hey there everyone! Welcome back to Ancient Craft Beginner Class. In this chapter, we're going over different ways to get in touch with your personal energy in order to develop your skills with energy manipulation. It's essential to remember that everyone is different, and while someone may get it with the snap of a finger, others will struggle. This is absolutely normal, and the exact reason I'm covering several techniques! Today's focus - visualization. Don't fret if this isn't your strong suit, there will be a section dedicated for you in this lesson. ♡

Visualization Brief Overview

We have the ability to generate experiences in our brains. Instead of just wondering or engaging in fantasy, we should act on our desires. Researchers have shown that when we imagine something and when we actually experience it, many of the same neural networks in our brains—pathways for nerve cells to govern our physical bodies—are activated. Our sympathetic nervous system, which controls functions like respiration, blood pressure, and heart rate, can be stimulated by mental workouts.

Visualization serves a variety of purposes. Learning to envision goes hand in hand with establishing focus, self-discipline, an active and controlled imagination, meditation, focus, astral projection, and dream working—all crucial elements in the growth of magical ability. The act of creating a mental pattern or image and retaining it there while presenting it as a visual experience is known as visualization.

You will find that your routines are improved, more concentrated, and consequently more efficient as a result of learning to visualize. A more powerful ritual can be performed by channeling more energy and focusing the magical energy in the direction of the desired outcome. Be willing to invest energy and time to allow this ability to appear as it takes time to develop the capacity to visualize at will. Every day, set aside a block of time when you won't be disturbed and won't be too worn out to experiment with the procedure.

Do You Struggle To Visualize?

You are not alone if visualization is a challenge for you. In many of the social groups I belong to, if someone complains of not being able to visualize things, at least one person will diagnose them with aphantasia. Aphantasia is a condition when a person struggles to visualize something. They appear to simply lack a mind's eye. It is a real issue, but I believe that many people self-diagnose it and conclude that they are unable to enhance their visualizing skills.

When you have a want for something, like chocolate, you can almost taste it. Maybe you can tell by the way it tastes, feels, or looks, even when there is no sign of that chocolate. Even when you're not looking at it or holding it, searching for your phone causes you to mentally or physically hold an image of it or possibly a tactile memory of how it feels in your hand. And exactly how can you distinguish between your home and your neighbor's home? Naturally, from an inner vision you carry with you wherever you go of what it looks like (or a feeling of its general position).

Everyone is capable of and actively engaged in visualization. In order to use magic, we need to understand how to use this innate power in a way that resonates with what we want to manifest. In a metaphysical and magical sense, visualizing isn't always, well, visual, as you may have seen from my examples above. It can be based on the senses of sight, sound, touch, odor, taste, or any combination of these. The mood or emotion driving the visualization, however, is what matters most when it comes to manifesting. Get crystal clear on the emotions you want to feel as a result of your manifestation once you've decided what it is you want to manifest. Practice as much as you can and follow your gut feeling.

Visualization Exercises

You visualize when you are daydreaming or fantasizing and lose awareness of the noise and movement around you and your surroundings because you are engrossed in the scenarios in your own head. You can reclaim and control that innate capacity with the assistance of the exercises that follow.

Start by focusing on a topic that is close to your heart, such as a fantasy you have about a house you would like to build, a painting you would like to create, or the person you are in love with. Give this subject your whole attention, and take pleasure in thinking about it while seeing the house, the photo, or your sweetheart in your head. Realize that you are envisioning right now. Your mental image of the scene will probably change or vanish at this awareness. Reaffirm your grasp on it and maintain it there for as long as you can.

Sit down in your living room, family room, basement, or another place with peace and quiet after you have successfully performed the first exercise and have been able to imagine the image. Select an item in the room, like a chair, and pay close attention to it while focusing all of your thoughts on it. Be sure to pay attention to the chair's shadows, fabric's creases, and wood's grain. Now relax and shut your eyes. Try to visualize the chair in your mind's eye. Once you can do it and hold it for at least five minutes, try to practice it every day.

Close your eyes while you comfortably sit or lie down. Breathe deeply and relax your body to free your mind. There will be other images that come to mind; pick one and stay with it, not allowing any other images to interfere with the one you have chosen. For as long as you can, keep your entire brain process focused on this image. Then, let it go and end the exercise. When you can keep this image in your mind for longer than a few minutes, you can go on from this step.

This practice is a little trickier than the previous three. Visualize something you have never seen before for this practice. A fruit from Jupiter could serve as an illustration; it might be square, purple, about a foot wide, and covered with quarter-inch-long green hairs and yellow spots. Of course, this is only an example. When performing this exercise, REALLY see the target in your head. Using your imagination, you are creating a genuine item. Additionally, flip the thing over to see how it appears from both sides. How do the shadows interact with it? You can continue once you can maintain this image for five minutes.

This is the hardest; if you're having trouble, feel free to return to any of the other exercises. Hold the object from the last exercise in your thoughts once again for this practice. This time, keep your eyes open and imagine the object in all of its detail as if it were right in front of you. Even though it can be challenging at first, being able to imagine an object while keeping your eyes open is a skill that is priceless and will be invaluable on whichever path you choose. You have finished these exercises when you feel you can maintain this image for at least five minutes.

Tips For Those Who Struggle

Try to create an immersive experience with all of your senses rather than trying to "see" anything in your mind. Imagine the sun warming your skin as you envision yourself in a boat sailing on a pond. Imagine being able to smell the surroundings' fresh vegetation. Try to hear the soft sound of water running in the area. Observe the sensation of floating on water. Keep in mind that none of these hints require sight.

To open your mind's eye, you must deeply relax. At the very least, perform a quick body scan before you practice. Inhale deeply and let any tension out of your muscles. Allow your breathing and heart rate to slow down, which will lower your blood pressure.

If you can, keep a playful mood at all times. As with studying anything else, being overly serious and striving too hard will impede your development.

Don't just follow the instructions here. You generated fresh concepts? Good. Test it out. Everyone is different, and visualization can be difficult. So, if you discover that an alternative strategy yields greater results, please stick with it.

While you may not be able to see things straight away, you may find you can sense, touch, and feel them. Whatever it is you wish to envision, make an attempt to engage your mental hands, your imaginary feet, and all bodily parts. Run your fingertips over surfaces, squeeze items, stomp your foot onto the ground, dig your nose into stuff, etc. In fact, engage all your senses.

Throughout the day, practice periodically. People who naturally visualize regularly use their imagination during a variety of activities. By frequently stimulating that muscle and titillating it to expand, we seek to imitate that.

#elder witch #baby witch #witchblr #beginner witch #witchcraft #dark witchcraft #astrology #tarot #aesthetic #divination

[mycurrent-hyperfixation]

Take A Chance On Me - Chapter Seven (Eddie Munson x Reader Series)

Series Summary: Corroded Coffin is lacking only one thing that could help them win the upcoming Battle of the Bands; original songs. So when a new band comes to town with a lead singer that looks all too familiar and a repertoire of original songs up their sleeves, Dustin concocts a plan that will get you to spill all of your songwriting secrets to Eddie. It’s just a few dates, right?

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Masterlist

Word Count: 8.3K

Pairings: Eddie Munson x Reader, Eddie Munson x fem!Reader

Tags: fluff, 10 Things I Hate About You AU

A/N: I honestly think this chapter might be my favourite one so far so I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it. The ridiculous word length has returned, but there really was just no way I could cut this chapter in two. I'm the kind of reader who loves a short chapter in a book, but I'm afraid I will become an author who has ridiculously lengthed chapters 😫. Also, I'm expecting all the chapters from here on out to be on the longer side just so you all know. I'm trying real hard to fit this fic in the 10 chapters I limited myself to, but we shall see if that goal eventuates or not. Also, I haven't given a name to readers band cause I was too lazy to think of a good one and now I'm severely regretting that decision cause I'm finding it harder and harder to dodge around it. As always, you guys are amazing and I love each and every one of you!!!

The shift had been busy, so uncharacteristically busy that you were struggling to upkeep a smiling disposition with the variety of customers that were seemingly becoming ruder as the day went on. The store was a mess, most of the records strewn haphazardly across the racks so what was usually organised into clear genre categories was now intermingled amongst each other.

When the final customer had been served and the line in front of the counter finally cleared, you let out a tired and weary sigh, allowing yourself a moment to revel in the silence that surrounded you. Bringing your hands up to your face, you lazily rubbed at your eyes, trying to ease their stinging. With a slight groan you pushed yourself away from the counter and begun the laborious task of cleaning up.

When the bell above the door chimed just as you had been about to make your way over to lock it, you couldn’t quite help the small groan of annoyance that left your lips. Composing yourself, you forced a smile onto your features and turned around to greet the customer.

“Hello. How can I help you tod-”

Your smile became genuine at the sight of Eddie Munson standing by the door.

“Oh, I’m not here to buy anything,” Eddie said. “I’ve actually come here to see one of the workers. Maybe you know her. She’s super pretty but is kind of mean to me.”

“Hmmm,” you pretended to think. “No, sorry, I don’t know anyone by that description.”

“Well that’s a shame,” Eddie responded, making his way slowly over to you. His eyes were captivating as they stared directly into yours, his gaze unwavering. “I’ve come to pick her up for a date.”

Your smile faltered slightly.

“Eddie, I didn’t bring anything to change in to and it was just so busy today so I’m sure I look like a mess and I-”

Eddie stepped closer to you.

“You look beautiful.”

But the collected demeanour that Eddie was still somehow managing to upkeep was a lie. Because he had thought that his spontaneity would be charming. He had thought that you would laugh at the fact that he had sprung the date upon you without any forewarning; after all, your response to his proposition had been less than straightforward itself. So as he looked upon you with your wearied expression, your posture slightly drooping and the bags under your eyes more prominent than usual, he wanted nothing more than to kick himself the utter stupidity of his idea.

But now he was so very close to you, his lips practically inches from yours so that his breaths became ragged and his heart began to race as all coherent thoughts seemed to leave him all at once. In that moment he so wanted to lean just that extra bit forwards, to close the distance that still sat between you and capture your lips within his own. But Eddie wanted to do things properly—to do things perfectly—for you, even though he had likely already screwed up a date that was yet to begin. So he forced himself to pull away, noticing the vibrant blush that coated your features as he did so and smiling softly to himself at the sight of it.

“Fine,” you relented. “But next time I want proper warning before we go anywhere.”

Eddie let out a sigh.

Next time.

“I’ve just got to finish packing up,” you continued. “Just give me one sec.”

Eddie waited for you by the door, casually leaning up against the wall as he watched you. And even though your hair was slightly messy and even though the weariness was clear within your eyes and even though you were still dressed in your work clothes—a simple black t-shirt that was slightly too big for you paired with black jeans—Eddie still found himself practically incapable of looking away from you.

“Okay, we’re good to go,” you called from the counter, your bag clutched within your hands as you began to flick the light switches off.

Eddie held the door open for you as you exited, waiting as you locked the door before making your way into the carpark. It was empty save for your own vehicle and Eddie’s van, the sight of both of them sitting side by side making your brows furrow slightly.

“Oh, should I leave my car here? Or should I just meet you...wherever it is we’re going.”

“No, I’ll drive,” Eddie hastily responded, chastising himself for not having thought of the issue beforehand. He should just call it all off, he thought, pretend like he was just joking about the date so that he could start afresh on another day. “I can drop you back home as well or...back here or wherever you want.”

You smiled at Eddie’s flustered state. “Okay.”

When you rounded the side of Eddie’s van you startled slightly as Eddie rushed forwards, grabbing the handle of the door before you had a chance to and swiftly opening it. The action was oddly touching as he gestured for you to hop inside.

“So where are we going?” you asked after you and Eddie were both situated inside the van.

“Well I thought we could maybe...get some milkshakes. And I rented a few movies so we could go back to mine and watch one if you’d like.” Eddie hadn’t realised how suggestive the words sounded until they fell from his mouth and lingered awkwardly in the air between you. “O-or we could just stick with the milkshakes. Or none of it if you don’t want.”

It sounded underwhelming now that Eddie said it out loud and he wished that he could have taken you to a fancy restaurant or a fancy bar or to anywhere that was slightly more highbrow than an old diner at the edge of town. He looked away from you, slightly embarrassed and half expecting you to simply get right back out of the car and leave. He wouldn’t blame you if you did.

“Ugh, you read my mind!” 

Eddie’s head whipped back up to look at you, wholeheartedly surprised to find you smiling widely.

“I was craving a milkshake all shift.”

A wide smile broke out onto Eddie’s face, his confidence somewhat renewed as he turned the key in the ignition and backed out of the carpark. The drive was quiet, a mixtape that Eddie had made playing softly through the speakers. And although it was quiet, it was nice to simply revel in each other’s company, the windows rolled down so that Eddie found himself sneaking glances towards you as the wind drifted through your hair.

The diner was deserted when you arrived, and Eddie couldn’t quite tell whether that fact made him nervous or relieved. The waitress was different to the one that had greeted you so warmly the other day, but she smiled widely and offered you a small wave nonetheless as she looked up to the chime of the bell above the door.

Eddie followed behind you as you took a seat within the same booth the two of you had sat at last time. The leather of the seat squeaked beneath him as he shuffled in opposite you, a wide smile spread across your lips as you eagerly looked down at the menu. Eddie couldn’t quite help himself from admiring you as you did so; the way your hair fell slightly in front of your face, the way you were so unperturbed by the fact that he had taken you to a diner for your first date.

When he heard the faint rumble of your stomach, he couldn’t stop the snicker that left his lips in time, your cheeks instantly reddening.

“I...um,” you stuttered. “I didn’t have time to eat lunch so-”

“Get whatever you want,” he responded softly, hoping that you knew that the smile he wore upon his lips was one of adoration.

Before you had time to respond the waitress had appeared at the end of the table, an expectant smile upon her features as she held a pen and pad before her.

“Can I get you guys anything?” she asked cheerily.

Eddie noticed the way you whipped your head back down to the menu, frantically scanning each item and their description.

“I’ll get a triple chocolate fudge milkshake and...” Eddie paused, pretending to peruse the menu to try and give you more time to decide. “And a cheeseburger, please.”

The waitress’s pen began moving across the pad.

“I’ll get...um...the...um,” you hesitated. “Actually, I’ll just get a cheeseburger as well, please.”

The waitress nodded, smiled, and then left.

“No milkshake?” Eddie asked.

“I thought you said last time that we would share.”

A wide smile broke out onto Eddie’s lips at your remembering of such a fleeting statement. It caused something warm to erupt within him, something that had his smile somehow growing and something that had him wishing that he had taken the seat beside you instead, if only he could sit just a little bit closer to you.

“Ah, yes, how could I forget?”

The two of you shared a smile.

“So how’s your song writing for the competition coming along?” you asked.

Eddie was starting not to like how the conversation always seemed to shift back to the competition whenever he talked with you. It made him feel like that was the only thing that the two of you shared in common. It made him feel like he wasn’t getting to know you as much as he so wanted to. But most of all, it made him feel like absolute shit for the sole reason that it would remind him of that stupid conversation he had had with his bandmates on that rainy night in his trailer.

“I’ve got a few songs in the works, but nothing that’s finished,” was all Eddie said, racking his brain for ways to change the subject.

“You should show me when we go back to yours to watch the movie. Maybe I could help.”

Eddie didn’t quite know what to say.

Because he had altogether forgotten that he had invited you over; that you would be in his trailer with him watching a movie that he already knew he wouldn’t be able to pay attention to. Because the thought of you perched lazily upon his couch, maybe a popcorn bowl sat on your lap, had now invaded his mind and was seemingly determined to stay there. Because the thought of you reading over the lyrics he had written and critiquing it had his palms sweating and his heart beginning to race. Because, mostly, the thought of you sitting down and helping him finish the lyrics he had begun would solidify the scheme.

Up until that point the tips you had given him had always been in passing. And whilst he had committed all of them to memory to implement into his songs later, it was almost as if, now that you had actually offered to properly help him, his betrayal was all the more real.

He was going to tell you, he decided. Tell you everything from the very beginning and just hope that you didn’t hate his guts afterwards. That was what you deserved, the truth, even if it was going to ruin whatever it was that had been blossoming between the two of you.

But then when he looked upon you, altogether realising that he had been silent for too long and the air between you was growing awkward, the words would not form within his mouth. This was so very nice, you being there with him, and Eddie couldn’t quite bring himself to ruin that.

“Okay,” he eventually managed to get out, hating himself a little bit more as he did so.  

He could tell that you had picked up on his change in demeanour; your head titled to the side, your brows slightly furrowed. But then the waitress was back, holding the cheeseburgers and the milkshake, and Eddie found himself letting out a small sigh of relief as your attention instead turned to the food that was placed before you.

A wide smile broke out onto Eddie’s lips at the sheer excitement that engulfed your features as you hastily shoved a chip into your mouth. You moaned at the taste, the sound heavenly to Eddie’s ears as his smile only continued to grow.

The two of you ate in silence, Eddie only picking at his food, the knot that had begun to form in his stomach making it tough to swallow much. You ate your burger in its entirety, practically licking the plate clean until it was just the milkshake that sat between you. Neither of you had touched it, the two straws sticking up from its centre somehow taunting you. In the end, the both of you leaned forwards at the same moment to take a sip, meeting in the middle as you each grabbed a straw. It was mesmerising, being this close to you now as Eddie found his gaze captivated within your own. You offered him a shy smile as you both took a sip, your faces only inches apart.

When Eddie pulled away it was with hesitation, already yearning to smell your perfume once more. He leaned back into his seat, trying to act nonchalant when his racing heart and raging blush said otherwise.

“So what films did you rent for us to pick from?” you enquired, leaning forwards to take another sip from the milkshake.

“Well the first one I got was Top Gun,” Eddie said.

“They have that on tape already? I swear I only just saw that at the movies.”

“What did you think about it? Like it enough to watch it again?”

“Nah it wasn’t my favourite.”

Eddie, who had been halfway through taking a sip of the milkshake, nearly spat it out in disgust.

“What was wrong with it?” There was more aggression in his voice than he had been expecting causing a wide smile to spread across your features as you stifled a laugh.

“What was the actual plot of that movie?” you questioned.

“I-it’s about the value of friendship and of one man’s valiant battle in winning respect among his superiors and-”

“No but if you look at the actual break down of the plot most of it makes no real sense. In the beginning Maverick is this cocky pilot who doesn’t listen to orders and always gets in trouble. Even when he gets into TOPGUN he still doesn’t listen to his superiors and fucks up a bunch because of it. And then when Goose dies it’s the most pivotal moment in the movie and when I watched it I thought ‘this is where Maverick is really going to change as a protagonist’. But Goose dying is in no way Maverick’s fault so there’s no lesson to learn from his death which basically makes Goose’s death pointless in the scheme of the movie and-”

Eddie smiled as he watched you ramble. He liked this, he realised, talking about pointless shit with you; even if your opinion was so wholeheartedly wrong. It felt easy and comfortable and altogether quite homely in a way he had not felt in some time.

“I cannot sit here and listen to you smear Goose’s name through the mud,” Eddie said, dramatically shuffling out of the booth before coming to stand at the end of it. You looked up at him, something close to surprise covering your features as Eddie leaned down, grabbed your hand within his and began pulling you out of the seat.

“I’m going to make you rewatch it and I shall enlighten you as to why it is a fantastic movie.”

A laugh erupted from your throat as you came to stand before Eddie, and for just a moment Eddie found himself incapable of looking at anything else. He could listen to your laugh for eternity, he thought, and he was quite certain he would never get bored of hearing it. Walking down to the counter, Eddie couldn’t quite help but smile at the fact that you had not pulled your hand away from his, your fingers still entwined. So he was very much taken aback to find that after he had left a few notes upon the counter to cover the cost of your meals, your touch had suddenly vanished.

“No no no,” you said as you remained by the counter, rifling through your bag until you procured your purse. “I’ll pay for my half.”

“Ah, no you won’t,” Eddie said, trying to grasp your hand once more to pull you out of the diner. You evaded his grip as you fished around for some money, the waitress having begun to make her way over to the both of you.

“Yes, I will. You said we were going for milkshakes and I had a whole burger so I’ll pay for-”

“Oh my god, is that Freddie Mercury?!” Eddie suddenly exclaimed, gasping as he pointed out of one of the window.

Eddie knew that the turning of your head was purely from instinct rather than anything else. He also knew that his window of opportunity in which you were distracted was altogether quite fleeting. So without thinking he bent down, wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted, rushing as quickly as he could towards the door with you now held securely against his chest.

“Eddie!” you screamed, the wide smile evident in your voice as laughter escaped from your throat.

“Quickly, we’ll miss him!” Eddie exclaimed, ignoring you as you beat down half-heartedly on his grip around your waist.

It was only once he had successfully gotten you outside that he finally put you down, laughter erupting from both of you as the sound filled the empty carpark. You clenched your hand into a fist and swung up to hit Eddie on the shoulder, unable to hide your smile as he dramatically threw himself backwards in an act of pain.

“You’re such a dufus,” you said between breaths.

You were close now, closer than either of you realised as your breathing began to return to a normal pace. The silence of the carpark was deafening now as you continued to stare up at Eddie and as he continued to stare back.

“Well I’m a dufus who wants to treat his girl right.”

His girl.

Those two words had your breath hitching in your throat and your heart racing and your palms beginning to sweat. Those two words had you itching to reach up and pull Eddie’s lips down to yours and simultaneously wanting to turn right around and sprint away in the opposite direction.

Those two words scared the hell out of you, but in the best way possible.

“Now we’ve got a movie to watch, and I have an opinion to change,” Eddie continued, his form leaving your side as he made his way over to the van and promptly opened the passenger door for you.

With a smile, you took his proffered hand and climbed inside.

His girl.

 

---

 

Eddie’s trailer was almost exactly like how you had pictured it to be; slightly messy, slightly chaotic and entirely homely.

And whilst there was the slight smell of weed that lingered within the air and whilst there were still rings of condensation on the coffee table and a precariously stacked pile of dishes in the sink, it was still obviously clear that Eddie had cleaned before your arrival. Cushions and pillows were placed carefully in the corners of the couch and there was the scent of Febreze mingling in with the weed. The thought brought a soft smile to your features.

Although the trailer was Eddie’s home he seemed remarkably out of place as the two of you entered, his hands flying from the pockets of his jeans to the roots of his hair before they came to rest crossed upon his chest. It was clear that he was watching you as you watched the room, and so you turned back towards him and offered him a smile that you hoped would clear the awkwardness that had begun to grow around you.

“I’ve got some popcorn if you wanted me to cook that before we put the movie on,” Eddie said, his voice slightly wobbly. He cleared his throat, trying against all hope to compose himself, not altogether too sure as to why the sight of you within his home made him so nervous in the first place.

“Okay,” you said. “But I thought you were going to show me that song.”

Eddie stilled.

He had so wished that you would forget about it; that he could get through this date without any more mention of the competition or song writing so that maybe he could pretend that this date was a date and nothing more. That there had never been any ulterior motive for wanting to spend time with you. But from the expectant look upon your face, Eddie knew that he could not avoid the topic without the transition in conversation seeming unnatural.  

“Y-yeah, of course,” Eddie said, his voice slightly softer than he had intended.

With each step that Eddie took towards his room and with each step that you followed, something began twisting in the pit of his stomach. Eddie was not one to get nervous very often, but now, having you in his home eagerly awaiting to read something he had written, it was as if he couldn’t quite get his nervous system under control. Eddie had never done cocaine—had, in truth, never done anything harder than ketamine—but he was quite sure that what he was feeling in that moment must feel similar.

But then there was you, strolling quite happily down his hallway, completely unaware to the wreck that Eddie was slowly becoming in front of you. He wanted to stop, he wanted to turn around and he wanted to lead you towards the tv and put on a stupid movie. He wanted to maybe drape a blanket over the both of you and he wanted to pretend to yawn as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders and he wanted to entwine his fingers in yours if you would let him.

But then he was swinging his door open and leading you inside to where he had thankfully had the foresight to at least make his bed even though he had not expected you to ever venture this far into his trailer. You were smiling softly up at him as he turned around to face you, still just as excited and just as expectant to see his work as you had been back at the diner.

“I like how you’ve hung up your guitar,” you said absentmindedly, walking further into the room to inspect where it was hanging upon the wall. And although Eddie was perfectly well aware that you knew your way around a guitar, although he was quite positive that you would treat his guitar with as much care as you did with yours, he still couldn’t quite help himself as he leaned over you and plucked the instrument off the wall before your outstretched hand could touch it. The action happened so quickly that at first Eddie’s shocked expression mirrored your own. He thought for just a moment that he had offended you, that you would turn right back around and leave his trailer without another word. But then you were leaning your head back, a laugh escaping from your throat.

Eddie breathed out a sigh.

“Someone’s touchy,” you teased, reaching out with your index finger to try and lay it just once upon the guitar. Eddie, a wide smile now upturning his lips, pulled it away once more.

“I can never be too careful around the competition.”

“You’re putting some ideas in my head now, Munson.”

Eddie let out a slight chuckle as he threw himself backwards upon his bed, strumming lazily upon the strings of his guitar. His eyes flickered over to you as you wandered about his room, lazily glancing over every surface until your eyes became transfixed upon his shelves.

“You’ve got quite the collection here,” you said with a whistle as you flicked through the multitude of records that sat stacked upon the shelf. “Why do you have two of the same album?”

Eddie’s eyebrows shot upwards as you pulled out one of his two copies of Master of Puppets, desperately trying to rack his brain for any kind of explanation. The truth would sound too stalkerish, he was quite sure.

“Oh, wait, this one’s scratched.”

Eddie shot upwards.

“You scratched my record?” he exclaimed.

“No! It was scratched when I picked it up.”

“I cannot believe you scratched my record.”

You opened your mouth to defend yourself once more, but upon turning to look at Eddie, you found his lips upturned in a taunting smile. With a roll of your eyes, you turned your head away in an attempt to hide your own smile, placing the record back upon the shelf before returning to your perusal. Eddie’s gaze returned back to his guitar, his fingers plucking the strings absentmindedly.

“Do you have anything that’s not metal?”

“Why would I need anything that’s not metal?” Eddie asked back.

“For some variety. Do you not get bored listening to this stuff all the tim–oh my god.”

Eddie whipped his head up to look at you as a shocked gasp fell from your lips, his eyes scanning your figure hurriedly in search of whatever had pained you. But instead, you simply turned back around to face him slowly.

“I knew it,” you said. Eddie furrowed his brows. “I knew you were hiding something from me.”

Eddie’s eyes went wide.

You knew the truth.

Although how you had come across it he wasn’t altogether too sure, for he was quite positive that there was nothing within the shelves of his records that would have led you back to the plan. Eddie’s heart began to race now, his hands sweating as he gripped his guitar so tightly his knuckles began to go white. He needed to provide you with an explanation, he knew, or at least an apology. But suddenly his mouth had gone completely dry, and he was quite positive that if he attempted to speak nothing would come out.

But then your lips were upturning into a wide smile and Eddie could do nothing other than continue to stare back at you, now thoroughly confused.

“You’re a Neil Diamond fan,” you said, procuring a record from his shelf.

Eddie let out a sigh and had to refrain from bringing his hands up to rub at his eyes, all the tension and stress leaving his body all at once. If you noticed, you didn’t say anything as you turned your attention back to his shelf.

“Oh my god!” you said again. “Billy Joel too?”

At the sight of your sheer excitement, Eddie couldn’t quite stop the small smile that returned to his lips.

“They’re my uncles,” Eddie said.

“And yet they’re in your room.”

“I promise you I have never once listened to those records.”

“Well then your missing out because your uncle has got some good taste.”

You returned the Neil Diamond record back to the shelf and pulled the Billy Joel one from its casing, practically skipping over to Eddie’s record player before placing the record gently down onto the turntable.

“No,” Eddie said, jumping up from the bed and following you. “If we’re listening to music it’s not going to be Billy Joel.”

But a song had already begun playing and your hips had already begun swaying and so Eddie found himself quite incapable of following through with his intentions, too transfixed by the sight of you dancing within his bedroom. The song was slow, one that Eddie was unfamiliar with although that came as no surprise. But then, as the vocals began, Eddie found his breath hitching in his throat at the sound of your voice filling the room too.

“Don't go changing to try and please me

You never let me down before, mmm

Don't imagine you're too familiar

And I don't see you anymore.”

Seemingly as if it were moving of its own volition, Eddie watched as his hand came up to outstretch before him, reaching to grasp your hand within his own. He half expected you to pull away, but you didn’t as you allowed him to slot his fingers in between yours. You turned to face him, a soft smile directed up at him, before Eddie pulled you gently into him. The action was slow as the both of you began to sway to the music, something thick and palpable growing in the air between you.

You were close now, so very close that Eddie couldn’t quite seem to stop his gaze from flickering down to your lips. It would be so easy to just lean forwards, he thought, for the space between you now was practically non-existent. But he didn’t, too busy revelling in the sight of you like this before him. So the two of you continued to sway as Billy Joel continued to sing, and when you shifted your head to lay upon Eddie’s chest, never stopping in your motions, Eddie thought it likely that his heart might explode. He closed his eyes, not quite believing that this was all real.

But then the song was coming to an end and your warmth was suddenly leaving him as you pulled away. He opened his eyes and followed you as you walked over and perched yourself upon the bed.

“So let’s here this song you’re struggling with.”

Eddie thought he must have done something wrong. But then there was the sight of your familiar smile being directed right at him and he felt the anxiety in his chest ease slightly.

Eddie thought about lying; maybe saying that he had forgotten the lyrics or that it was more a single chord progression than an actual song. But then he turned to look down towards you—a soft smile curving your lips, your hair falling slightly in front of your face—and he found the lies dying upon his lips. So instead he reluctantly made his way over to his chest of drawers to where a series of stray pieces of paper were scattered haphazardly across the surface. Old receipts, napkins, torn off pages of books had all been vandalised in his messy handwriting. He had thought about cleaning the space before your arrival, but the space was an organised mess that worked quite well in collating Eddie’s song ideas and so he hadn’t been able to bring himself to move anything around.

He rifled through the papers before his hand came to rest upon an old school quiz, lyrics written lazily within the margins. It wasn’t anywhere near how neat Eddie imagined your notebook to be, and so found himself growing quite embarrassed as he eventually handed the paper over to you before reclaiming his place upon the bed once more and laid down.

In an attempt to fixate his gaze anywhere but on you as you read, Eddie fixated his eyes upon the ceiling as he brought his guitar up once more and began strumming at the strings.

“This is really good, Eddie.”

The sincerity in your voice warmed him.

“Can you play it for me?”

Eddie stilled.

He had played so many concerts in front of so many people and had barely batted an eye. But now, here, in front of you, Eddie couldn’t quite fathom plucking the strings of his guitar and singing into the empty air that sat between you. His hands began to sweat, his grip upon his guitar tightening as his breathing grew ragged. But then as he turned to look at you with your kind eyes and your gentle smile and your calming presence, Eddie felt his nerves melt away, his fingers dancing across the strings seemingly of their own volition until he was playing the opening notes of the song.

“Eighteen, crazy

Pulled up in your daddy’s car

You wanna move in with me

Guess we’re off to a heavy start.”

As Eddie played—his back laying against the mattress of his bed, his guitar perched across his stomach, his gaze fixated anywhere but on you—he felt you shuffle slightly from where you had been sitting upon the edge of the bed. You grew closer now as you mimicked Eddie’s positioning and laid down next to him, the mattress dipping slightly. Eddie kept his gaze upon the ceiling, knowing that if he turned to look at you he would not be able to look away. But his attempts were in vain as the shadow of your smile became visible in his peripheral vision and he found his head turning towards you anyway.

“So if you wanna piss off your parents

Date me to scare them

Show them you’re all grown up.”

Eddie found himself quite thankful that he had gotten no further in writing the chorus for he was quite sure that if he had continued to sing as his gaze landed upon you his voice would have surely cracked. For there you were lying next to him in his bed; an image that had only ever been real in the depths of his mind. And you were so very close to him now, the heat emanating off of your skin warming his body slightly, the smell of your perfume completely engulfing him.

“It’s…um…it’s better with the drums and bass and…stuff,” Eddie whispered into the silence that sat between you.

“I think it’s really good already.”

Eddie thought as he stared at you that if he inclined his head and leaned forwards just slightly—an action that would in theory take no effort at all—his lips would be on yours. They would be soft, he was quite positive as his gaze flickered down to them, so soft that he felt like nipping and sucking at them until they were swollen from his ministrations.

“I like it like this anyway,” you continued.

Eddie’s gaze flicked back up to your eyes, a raging blush erupting onto his cheeks as he swiftly turned his head away to hide it, pretending to instead look down at his guitar.

“What do you mean?”

“I like your voice like this. Without all the drums and guitars and loudness that you hide behind.”

“I don’t hide behind loudness.”

“Well it’s still nice to hear your voice properly,” you said, and Eddie could feel himself blushing at the compliment. “Is that as far as you’ve gotten with the chorus?”

“Ugh, yeah. I’ve tried a couple different lines but nothing seems to be fitting quite right.”

“Play me the beginning again.”

Eddie hesitated as you suddenly jumped up from where you had been laying, leaning down to rifle through your bag. You procured the black notebook that Eddie often saw in your possession, and a pen along with it before you returned to the space next to him, motioning for Eddie to play. So he plucked at the strings and hummed along where he should have sung, not altogether trusting his voice as his blush persisted.

“Play the next two counts of four.”

Eddie did as he was told, distracted slightly as you began scribbling away hastily.

“Okay now play them altogether.”

Eddie began to pluck at the strings and found himself becoming wholeheartedly surprised as you began to sing the lyrics he had just sung. The sound of his words upon your tongue sounded so very heavenly that Eddie felt something stir within him, something that he could not allow himself to acknowledge lying down so close to you. He pushed the thought from his mind, trying to regain focus, until he began to play past the lyrics he had written and realised that you were still singing.

“If long hair and tattoos are what attract you

Baby then you’re in luck.”

The smile that spread across Eddie’s face was wide, paired with a slight chuckle that escaped from his throat. When he turned back to look at you an equally wide smile was mirrored upon across your lips.

“What inspired those lyrics?” Eddie asked teasingly.

“Oh, you know, just this guy I know.”

Eddie’s eyes flickered down to your lips once more, slightly mesmerised by the smile that continued to grow there.

“Play the rest of the chorus. We can finish this thing.”

“Okay okay,” Eddie said, laughing at your eagerness.

Eddie plucked the chords for the rest of the chorus before he turned his gaze away from his guitar and back to you. Your brows were furrowed now, your face contorted into a look of concentration as you hummed the tune back to yourself over and over. Eddie played the chords once more, turning his mind to the lyrics before he found his own voice filling the room.

“And I know it’s just a phase

You’re not in love with me.

You wanna piss off your parents, baby

Piss off your parents, that’s alright with me.”

Eddie smiled to himself, laughing slightly at the lyrics. He liked the song, liked how funny it was and how much it had made the boys laugh when he had showed it to them. But then he was turning back to face you once more only to find that your smile had vanished. Your face was slightly serious now, and Eddie wasn’t altogether too sure why.

“What’s this song about, Eddie?”

The question was a simple one, and yet Eddie found himself wanting to change the topic. Because of course you had seen past the layers of humour he had infused into the song. Of course you had seen past the joking lyrics to what lied beneath them; a part of himself that he had hidden away a long time ago.

The comfortable air had changed between you now, something thick and heavy taking its place instead. Eddie thought about lying, about passing the song off as just the joke that he had intended it to be. But somehow he knew that you would see past that as well, that you would always see past the lies and the jokes until there was just him and all of his tainted self laid out bare before you.

“Artists always write songs about love,” Eddie found himself saying, his voice less firm than he had wanted it to be. He turned his gaze up to the ceiling, wishing that he could not feel the heat of your stare as you listened intently. “But I’ve never…” Eddie paused, composing himself. “I’ve never had anything like that before.”

Eddie heard the shuffle of your arm as it moved closer towards him, felt the soft touch of your fingers as they entwined with his. Something in his chest eased slightly as the warmth of your skin washed over him, the callouses on the pads of your fingers mirroring his own in a way that was so oddly comforting.

“In high school I would get so excited whenever anyone would show any kind of attention to me. There were a few times when girls would flirt with me for a while and then they would invite me over to their place or they would want to come here, and we would…you know.” Eddie couldn’t say it out loud. “And then when were done they would get changed and then they would tell me to never tell a soul what we did.”

Eddie felt your hand squeeze his gently and he braved a look towards you. Your eyes were so soft as they met his, so patient and gentle that for just a moment Eddie felt like crying.

“It’s not great for the confidence having people so repulsed by you that they won’t even be seen in public with you.”

“Well then they’re missing out.” Eddie felt a small smile tug at the corner of his lips.

But the air was still slightly awkward now as neither of you quite knew what to say. Taking in a deep breath, concentrating on the way that Eddie’s hand was holding your own so very firmly, your voice filled the room.

“Do you remember when I told you that I steal the stories in my songs from other people’s lives?”

Eddie nodded, barely allowing himself to breath as your gaze flickered away from his. He didn’t quite know how the both of you had ended up like this; spilling parts of yourselves you had not uttered to anyone in years. But in a weird way he kind of liked it. He would be lying if he said that telling you about his past hadn’t eased a weight from his shoulders. He would also be lying if he said he hadn’t been immensely intrigued by the allusions Robin and Steve had made about your own past. The thought made him feel slightly repulsed by himself, but he did not stop you as you continued.

“Well that’s because my run-ins with relationships have all been very…fake.”

Eddie wanted to tell you to stop if you so wished, wanted to tell you that it wasn’t necessary that you share something deep just because he had. But then as he looked upon you, your gaze still fixed to the ceiling, he realised that maybe you were feeling the very same relief that he had just felt at having shared something that had been buried for so long. So he decided to just listen as you continued.

“The first time anyone ever asked me out was in freshman year.” Your voice was soft now and far too timid for Eddie’s liking. “It was a guy in the year above me who was on the basketball team, so of course I said yes. We were supposed to go to Olive Garden for dinner and so I showed up and I waited and I waited but he never came.” Eddie squeezed your hand in what he hoped was a reassuring way. “Turns out he’d only asked me out on a bet. Apparently the basketball team had a bet going to see who could get a date with a freshman the quickest.”

Eddie felt a rage so intense and so powerful erupt within him. He wanted to find the entirety of that basketball team and connect his fist repeatedly with their faces. He wanted to pin them down and make them hurt just as they had made you hurt. But just as Eddie had been about to offer whatever semblance of reassurance that he could, you continued.

“And then in sophomore year Tommy H asked me out and I stupidly said yes again. We watched a movie at his house but before we had even gotten through the first scene his hand was trying to get down my pants. So I left and the next day he had told everyone that I had shown up to his house uninvited and blown him in the doorway. I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend until Carol was throwing a drink in my face.”

Eddie so wished that he could do something to ease the pain so evidently written across your features. He wished that he could do anything other than simply continue to hold your hand, completely at a loss for how to do anything to comfort you. He felt entirely useless within that moment, and he loathed himself for it.

When you eventually turned your gaze back to Eddie he felt his breath hitching within his throat. Something had changed between you now, something that made the air just a little bit more breathable, a little bit more comfortable. Your gaze was intense as it bore into his, seeing him in a way he had not been seen in so long. For just a moment he felt like turning away from you. But he didn’t. Instead he held your gaze for as long as he could, moving his head infinitesimally closer to yours until your lips were inches apart.

He could feel you now; the heat emanating from your skin, the electricity in your touch as his hand still remained firmly in your grasp. His eyes danced across your features, drinking in the sight of you like this before him, so breathtakingly beautiful that if Eddie were to suddenly wake up from a dream, he would not be altogether surprised. He drunk in the soft curve of your lips and the line of your jaw and the glimmer in your eyes. Your breath was hot against his cheek now, the feeling oddly comforting.

Without thinking, Eddie brought his hand up to tuck a strand of your hair back behind your ear, his fingers brushing against your cheek as he did so. You shivered slightly at his touch, revelling in the soft caress of his skin against yours. His hand lingered upon the curve of your jaw, holding you there so gently that you closed your eyes at the touch.

He didn’t deserve you, Eddie thought to himself, not like this. He didn’t deserve the way your lips curved slightly upwards as you leaned into him further, he didn’t deserve the way his heart seemed to flutter at the realisation that this was all real. Because after everything that you had told him, after you had essentially put your heart onto a platter and entrusted it within his grasp, he was still withholding something from you. He wished that he could erase that conversation he had had in his trailer on that rainy night. He wished he could go back in time and kick himself for ever having agreed to such a stupid plan.

You deserved the truth, and Eddie knew that he had to give it to you. You would hate him, he was quite sure. You would get up and leave and he would be left behind still lying upon his bed completely still as he tried to remember this moment when you had been his for just a second. Eddie breathed in deeply, trying to burn this moment into his memory forever before he ruined it all.

“Eddie,” you whispered into the silence that sat between you, your voice entirely breathless.

“Yes?” he breathed back, quite grateful that you had spoken first for it served to prolong the moment if only slightly.

“Do you remember the song I sang at the last round of the competition?”

“Yes,” he breathed again, unable to stop the smile from upturning his lips.

“It wasn’t about Robin.”

Kiss her you fool.

Eddie wished that he had found the strength to pull away from you in that moment, just like he had managed to do back in his van after the party. But that moment felt like a lifetime ago, and Eddie could not quite fathom how he had accomplished such a feat when you were right here before him, baring all of yourself.

So in the end, he barely even hesitated as he traversed the distance that still sat between you and connected his lips to yours. In that moment he hated himself more than he ever had before, but he could not quite manage to regret his actions. For you were so warm and soft and breathtakingly delicious as your hand left his grasp and instead came up to tangle within his hair, your other hand cupping the back of his neck as you tried to pull him impossibly closer.

The kiss was slow at first, the both of you tentatively mapping the other out. It was hesitant and cautious and entirely breathtaking. He had been right, Eddie realised, your lips were so impossibly soft against his. Eddie brought one hand up to clutch at your waist, needing to feel you completely against him. You smiled slightly against his lips at the action, tangling your legs within his.

And then, slowly, the kiss became more heated. There was a hunger now that consumed the both of you, something that made you want to devour each other. You were the one to deepen the kiss first, and Eddie couldn’t quite help himself from moaning at your taste. With one hand still fixed firmly to your waist, the other cupping your face, Eddie pulled you somehow closer into him until he was suspending himself above you, your chests pressed together in such a way that he was quite sure you could feel the rapid beating of his heart.

He thought it quite likely that he could spend forever with you in that moment even though his lungs had begun to burn quite painfully and he was starting to get slightly lightheaded. The thought oddly terrified him, for he could not seem to pull away from you.

In the end, it was you who had to pull away first, and whilst Eddie found himself swallowing a disappointed groan, he was altogether quite grateful for the action as he inhaled deeply. He kept his head pressed against your forehead however, unwilling to let your touch leave him completely.

The sight of you panting beneath him stirred something in Eddie that he dared not acknowledge. He wanted nothing more than to connect his lips with your neck, trailing his kisses downwards, covering every square inch of you. He wanted to lift his shirt off and feel the slight callouses of your fingertips run along his skin. He wanted to kiss you anywhere that you would let him, touch you anywhere that you would let him until it was only you that he could feel, only you that he could hear, only you that he could taste.

But he would not allow himself to indulge in such pleasures; not whilst he continued to run away from the truth that you deserved to know.

So he pulled away, and he continued to pull away until there was just the sweet voice of Billy Joel masking the sound of your panting.

“But she'll bring out the best and the worst you can be

Blame it all on yourself 'cause she's always a woman to me.”

---

Songs Used:

- Just The Way You Are by Billy Joel

- 18 by Anabor

- She's Always A Woman To Me by Billy Joel

---

Taglist:

@alicetweven​ @juggernort @theh3aven​ @manamitoyota​ @mimiluvsualot​ @cherrypieyourface​ @kaqua​ @c0untryclub​ @goldencherriess​ @emotionaldreamer​ @givemethesleep​ @milkiane​ @miscreantsnopossoms​ @legendaryfestsoul-blog​

Series Taglist

@grungegrrrl​ @thirddeadlysin​ @boomitsallie1​ @renaroo123​ @wordsthatwaterflowersinyoursoul​ @annnnn91​ @bakugouswh0r3​ @aivilovio​ @wannabewiedzma​

#eddie munson #eddie x reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x female reader #stranger things s4 #stranger things season 4 #stranger things #dustin henderson #steve harrington #robin buckley #joseph quinn #Joe Quinn

[empress-violetlight]

Imperial Handbook: Empire of the Hand - Capital Ships of the Navy of the Hand

Another Worldbuilding exercise for my Empire of the Hand AU. See my Ranks document here:

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While it might have began as a small task force under Thrawn’s command and whatever largely Clone Wars era scraps the Empire proper would send their way, as time went on and the Empire of the Hand began to build up the infrastructure needed to build its own ships, the variety of vessels available to it increased.  Here some of the Capital ships used by the Navy of the Hand, including some unique classes.

Renaissance-class Super Star Destroyer  (about 12 km long)

Built:  Kuat Drive Yard’s Spiral Shipyards, Nirauan system.  Officially finished construction in 21 ABY, but Admiral Parck would occasionally make use of its incomplete state before then. 

The Renaissance class is a shorter, wider, heavier-set, ship than the more familiar Executor-class SSDs from the old Galactic Empire, taking several design features from the prototype Eclipse class, including integrated interdiction technology, a complement of over 400 TIE Defender fighters, and a superlaser capable of cracking a planetary crust (or a Yuuzhan Vong world ship). Like other Empire of the Hand designs, the Renaissance-class’ bridge is not located in an exposed tower, but rather deep inside the ship, with cameras and a powerful sensor suite compensating for the lack of viewports.  Borrowing from Mon Calamari designs, the Renaissance-class also utilizes overlapping shield technology.  As well as standard Imperial weaponry like turbolasers, tractor beams and ion cannons, the Renaissance -class also utilizes Chiss Ascendency weaponry such as Plasma ball launchers and breacher missiles.

The main difference from the earlier class (and, the "selling point" that convinced then-Grand Moff Xelarra to sign off on its creation) is the ability of the Renaissance-class to carry up to five Imperial or Spiral- class Star Destroyers on the hull itself, with the smaller (but still capital sized) ships docking on five triangular recesses on the main hull, 3 on top of the superstructure, two below.  The Renaissance-class can thus act as a mobile repair station as well as the command ship.  Its main hanger bay can internally carry ships up to 300 m in length (i.e. the size of an Arquitens-class light cruiser or an Explorer-class research/scout vessel).

The Renaissance also has integrated Interdictor technology, and is equipped with several cloaking devices (necessary because of the ship’s size).  These two systems cannot normally be used at the same time, though Grand Admiral Thrawn remembers a few tricks learned earlier in his career to get around this limitation.  As cloaking devices are double-blind – they protect a ship from detection, but said ship also cannot see outside of it when activated through conventional means, the cloak is most effectively used with the cooperation of an Imperial Knight, who can use the Force to sense outside the cloak.  However, with proper timing and practice the cloaks can be used without the assistance of Force-users. 

As the Empire of the Hand did not sign the Pellaeon–Gavrisom Treaty, they are not prohibited from using cloaking devices. 

Known vessels in the class:

SSD Renaissance        

CO:  Fleet Admiral Voss Parck (19-28 ABY), Grand Admiral Thrawn (28 ABY +)

XO:  Commodore Eli Vanto (28 ABY+)

Starfighter commander:  Colonel Jagged Fel (28 ABY +)

Flagship of the Navy of the Hand.  Displays the same Paccosh signil as the ISD Chimaera on its hull.

Commissioned by Fleet Admiral Parck, in anticipation of Grand Admiral Thrawn’s rumoured return in 19 ABY.  Thrawn (actually his clone, known as ‘Raw’nuru’ until he was ready to retake the mantle of Grand Admiral) did not take command until the beginning of the Yuuzhan Vong invasion, after the Evacuation of Lysatra.

Imperial-Class Star Destroyers

These iconic ships were inherited from the Galactic Empire.  Only a few were assigned to Thrawn’s task force in the Unknown Regions/The Chaos, and he chose the leave the ones he did have behind in the Empire of the Hand during his campaign of 8-9 ABY.  The Empire of the Hand has been retrofitting the ISDs when they can with more automation, in order to reduce its crew component from over 37 000 personnel down to 10 000.  As the less crew-intensive Spiral-Class Star Destroyers became more prominent in the Navy of the Hand, the remaining, aging Imperial-Class Star Destroyers were mainly regulated to defensive roles around prominent star systems and installations.  

Differences with standard Imperial Class ISDs:

As opposed to the “mobile base” role that the Old Galactic Empire used the Imperial-class for, Empire of the Hand ISDs are more starfighter-focused, with the majority of their standard ground forces (an entire legion of Stormtroopers, 20 AT-AT walkers and associated vehicles at the Empire’s height) regulated to the Clone Wars era Acclimator and new Nightstalker-class assault cruisers instead, unless the mission profile specifically calls for their inclusion.  With more room that would have been otherwise been taken up by ground vehicles, Hand ISDs have more than doubled the number of TIE –series fighters carried. 

To accommodate the additional TIES, the bridge tower has been reassigned to be a communications tower, focusing on air traffic control.  The actual bridge of the ship has been moved to a far more secure location in the interior of the ship, with cameras and sensors making up for the lack of traditional viewports.  

Known Vessels in this Class:

ISD Admonitor

CO:  Captain Dagon Niriz, then-Captain Voss Parck

The Star Destroyer first assigned to Thrawn’s “mapping expedition” in the Unknown Regions/The Chaos which would grow into the Empire of the Hand.  It later serves as the Hand Fleet's flagship until the Renaissance’s construction is completed in 21 ABY. 

ISD Vengeance  renamed the Resolute once in Hand space

CO:  then-Captain Thrawn (6 BBY), Commodore Karyn Faro (1 BBY +)

This is (officially) the first ISD Thrawn was assigned to as captain, which he used to subjugate the Kaleesh colony world of Oben.  Surprisingly, Thrawn earned the fierce, reptilian aliens’ respect for not just defeating, but crushing them in battle.  After the Battle of Endor, Thrawn personally extends an invitation to the Kaleesh to join the Empire of the Hand.  The say they will consider his offer, but don’t actually join until after Thrawn’s death.  

Commodore Karyn Faro served as Thrawn’s executive officer on the Resolute for many years, before being promoted to commanding officer of the Resolute itself, then climbing ever higher in the Hand Navy. 

The Resolute, along with the Admonitor, were also largely responsible for the creation of “Thrawn’s Cut” -- the hyperspace beacon route through The Chaos stretching from the Nirauan system to the border with the Chiss Ascendency. 

Beacons are modified Imperial probe droids, deployed in small groups that transmit real time astrometrics along a frequency that to anyone other than Empire of the Hand communications networks, appears as regular galactic background radiation.  By deploying the beacons in regular intervals, they form a trail of “breadcrumbs” that subsequent Hand ships can follow, allowing navigation through the Chaos without relying on Force users, though the initial deployment can be quite slow, relying on jump-by-jump navigation to plant the next “crumb” in the trail.  It took nearly a decade to carve Thrawn’s Cut, and the time involved convinced the Grand Admiral of the need for a dedicated exploration and beacon planting corps. 

ISDs the Empire of the Hand wants:

ISD Chimaera, currently serving as the flagship of the Imperial Loyalists (aka the Imperial Remnant)

CO:  Grand Admiral Gilad Pellaeon Possibly the most famous ISD in the Galaxy, the Chimaera served as Grand Admiral Thrawn’s flagship during his campaign to retake the galaxy in 9 ABY, with Gilad Pellaeon serving as his XO.  Both Fleet Admiral Parck and Empress Xelarra herself have made numerous offers to the Imperial Loyalists to acquire the historic ship, including offering the trade several state-of-the-art Spiral-class Star Destroyers for her.  Grand Admiral Pellaeon declines to give up his flagship every time.

Spiral-class Star Destroyers

Named for the magnificent ringed gas giant Spiral, the fifth planet in the Nirauan system, around which the Empire of the Hand’s main shipyards are built, these slim, daggerlike ships are smaller than Imperial-class Star Destroyers  (1.2 km long compared to an ISD's 1.6 km) and take a lot less crew (only about 5000).  As is standard on newer Hand ships, the Bridge tower is eliminated, with the bridge itself nestled deep within the structure of the ship.  They are powerful for their size.  Like a “mini-Renaissance”, (though they are, in fact, the basis for the larger ship) SpSDs are equipped with both Imperial and Chiss Ascendency weapons, featuring banks of turbo and spectrum lasers, deployed in retractable turrets, tractor beams, ion cannons and/or plasma spheres and breacher missiles. Some, though not all (usually 1-2 per battle group) have interdiction technology equipped.   Like the Hand’s ISDs, SpSDs also focus on starfighter deployment over ground forces, even though their TIEs usually consist of hyperspace-capable TIE Defenders.

Spiral class ships are predominantly assigned to Fleet Admiral Karyn Faro's Seeker Fleet, whose primary mission is to patrol the Galactic Rim hunting for any signs of the Far Outsiders.  As an added bit of psychological warfare against the technophobic Far Outsiders, Seeker Fleet ships are usually named after fictional machine lifeforms from a children’s novel and ani-holo series once popular in the Core. 

They also perform limited exploration duties (at least until the dedicated Explorer program is implemented) and plant hyperspace beacons.  They are slowly replacing the aging ISDs to become the premier battleship in the Navy of the Hand. 

Spiral-class ships use the designation “HMS” - “her Majesty’s Ship”, in honour of her Imperial Majesty, Lexx’elarra’nuruodo (Xelarra), Empress of the Hand. 

Known vessels in the class:

HMS Starscream

CO:  Fleet Admiral Karyn Faro (2 ABY +)

Flagship of Seeker Fleet, for a short time Flagship of the Navy of the Hand, during Admiral Faro’s tenure as Supreme Commander. 

One of the first four Spiral-class ships built, and founding member of Seeker Fleet. 

(featured in "Seat of Command" as the site of Thrawn and Xelarra having some "quality time" - NSFW)

HMS Thundercracker

CO:  Captain Rae Sloane ( 5 ABY)

Thrawn’s flagship while assisting the Chiss Expansionary Defense Fleet against Ssi’ruuk incursions (“Reunion”).  Captain Sloan was personally mentored by the Grand Admiral, and is considered Admiral Faro’s protégée.   

One of the first four Spiral-class ships built, and founding member of Seeker Fleet. 

HMS Skywarp

Torguta CO

Equipped with Interdiction technology, its smooth lines are broken up by its spherical, gravity well generators.

One of the first four Spiral-class ships built, and founding member of Seeker Fleet

HMS Shockwave

CO:  Captain Kyra Pyrondi

Captained by a long-time crewmate of both Grand Admiral Thrawn’s and Admiral Faro’s, this ship serves as a testbed for new weapons developments, with Captain Pyrondi herself often participating in the design teams. 

One of the first four Spiral-class ships built, and founding member of Seeker Fleet

HMS Grievous

Kaleesh CO Named for the legendary, deified  leader of the Kaleesh and General of the Confederacy of Independent Systems, specializes in long-range “hunting”, and preemptive strikes.

Victory-Class Star Destroyers, Venator-Class Star Destroyers

Clone Wars-era capital ships, regulated to less-important sectors of the Galactic Empire during the Imperial era as the larger Imperial-class better fulfilled the Tarkin doctrine of “rule by fear”, even if the larger ships were far less efficient in other respects.  Thrawn managed to get a number of these older ships assigned to his “mapping expedition” in the Unknown Regions/The Chaos, mostly because they were undervalued by that point by mainstream commanders in the Galactic Empire.   

Like the Imperial-class, these older ships are slowly being phased out in favour of the Spiral-class, but are still in use – mostly used against known threats in the Chaos (like the Vagaari pirates, and some client species of the Grysts – themselves clients of the Far Outsiders).  While these aging ships may be less effective in Lesser Space, even Clone Wars-era shields and weaponry is superior to most technology that cultures of the Chaos can muster, including the Chiss Ascendency.  Thrawn has a talent for using limited resources in the most effective way possible, and these older star destroyers are no exception.

Arguably, these ships make up the backbone of the Navy of the Hand, and keep the Empire of the Hand safe from the known threats of the Chaos.  Whether they will be effective against the Far Outsiders remains to be seen.   

Known vessels in these classes:

VSD Strikefast

CO:  Captain Voss Parck (19 BBY), Commodore Rae Sloane (10 ABY +)

The Victory-class Star Destroyer which was commanded by Voss Parck when he made first contact with Thrawn in 19 BBY.  While Parck himself was reassigned to the ISD Admonitor, Thrawn did manage to get the Strikefast herself assigned to his “mapping expedition”.   

The Strikefast, under Commodore Rae Sloan, later became the flagship of the Explorer program.  Though the Explorers themselves would later use primarily their own class of ship, modified Arquitens-class light cruisers, the Strikefast remains in service, stationed at Watchtower Station – the space station built at the Ascendency-end of Thrawn’s Cut, and the Explorer program’s base of operations, still serving as now-Admiral Sloane’s flagship (and is to Watchtower what the USS Defiant is to DS9). 

Dreadnaught-class Heavy Cruisers

Pre-Clone Wars capital ships are rare, due to the Old Republic’s anti-military policies.  Nevertheless, Grand Admiral Thrawn managed to discover the location of the legendary Katana fleet during his campaign of 9 ABY.  Though the majority of the 178 ships he acquired were used in his campaign, with surviving vessels becoming Imperial Loyalist property, He did manage to send 30 of the vessels home to the Empire of the Hand. 

Though older, like with the Venator and Victory-Class Star Destroyers, the Dreadnaugts still outgun anything native to the Chaos, as demonstrated by the Chiss Ascendency’s efforts to acquire the six Dreadnaughts of the Outbound Flight expedition.  Surviving Dreadnaughts usually server as auxiliary craft in the Hand Navy, backing up Star Destroyers.  Five vessels, unfortunately, were in such a state of disrepair that they had to be decommissioned and scrapped.  (“Nightfall of the Final Day”).

Like with other Clone Wars and earlier era ships, the Hand is occasionally able to procure additional vessels from Lesser Space scrapyards in the Outer Rim, though as our own shipbuilding capabilities have improved, this has become far less necessary. 

Known Vessels in the Class:

HMS Rapier

Official transport of her Imperial Majesty, Empress Xelarra.  The Empress declines to use a Star Destroyer for her needs, preferring that the newer, stronger vessels serve in “more important” Naval missions.  Instead, she uses one of the Katana Fleet dreadnaughts, saying she has an “appreciation” for such ships.  As the Imperial transport, the Rapier has civilian amenities more typical to diplomatic vessels (including relatively large shipboard library) and is more comfortable than most navel vessels, even for its enlisted crewmembers.  However, make no mistake – it is still a warship, and is perfectly capable of defending itself.

The Rapier features an upgraded Class 1 hyperdrive, stronger shields (even with the typical strong armour of a Dreadnaught) and its nose cargo bay is more accurately deemed a hanger, housing a full wing of TIE Defenders, as well as having dedicated landing spots for both Empress Xelarra’s and Princess Andorra’s personal Lambda-class shuttles.  The cargo bay can also hold the Empress’ personal combat vehicle, the AT-AT Toraton (her Majesty is a qualified reservist AT-AT driver) though it is more usually stationed on the Renaissance, or on Nirauan itself.      While the Empress is on Nirauan, the Rapier serves as part of the capital’s planetary defense fleet, though it can be ready for Her Majesty’s departure within one standard hour.   

Acclamator and Nightstalker-Class Assault Ships

The Clone Wars-era Acclamator, and its “descendant”, the Nightstalker-class, serve primarily as ground troop transports, assault vehicles and landing craft for the Army of the Hand, Stormtroopers and member world elite troops.  As such, these ships will be described in more detail in the chapter on the Army of the Hand.    

Interdictors

Immobilizer-class cruisers 

These rare ships have the ability to project an artificial gravity field, mimicking the mass shadow of a large object (i.e. a planet) in hyperspace, and subsequently pulling other ships out of hyperspace.  They were not built in great numbers, despite being perhaps the best Rebel-hunting tool at the Empire's disposal.  Thrawn saw their potential when pretty much no other Imperial commander did, and managed to get a large percentage of the Empire's Interdictors assigned to him in the Empire of the Hand. 

While Interdictors are usually used to pull enemy ships out of hyperspace for easier capture/destruction, the “Thrawn Pincer” is a space battle tactic developed by Thrawn, where Interdictors are used to pull his own ships out of hyperspace in a specific formation, with a lot more control than would be possible with usual hyperspace jumps.  He uses the technique in his Campaign of 9 ABY to great affect.   

Immobilizers are about 600 m long, looks like a small Star Destroyer with 4 gravity projector domes sticking out from the lines of the hull)

Known Immobilizer cruisers:

Maelstrom

An old Immobilizer scheduled to be scrapped by the New Republic (as they didn't know how to use it properly).  Raw'nuru (Thrawn's clone) joins a band of pirates in capturing the ship, then seizes command himself.  He uses the Maelstrom as his primary vessel while patrolling the Empire of the Hand's borders, taking on privateer missions, recruiting allies, and protecting his Empire from the shadows as he regains the confidence he needs to retake his old mantle.

Between 20 and 28 ABY, the Maelstrom is involved in several notable events, such as destroying a New Republic vessel that attacked them unprovoked without even firing a shot, which subsequently leads to Raw'nuru finally getting to warn Admiral Ackbar about the Far Outsiders, and the start of their "long distance" friendship (fic idea - "Pen Pals").

The Maelstrom is destroyed in the Evacuation of Lysatra, at the onset of the Far Outsiders War, holding off an invading Vong force long enough for the Hand Fleet to arrive.  Most of the crew, however, survives, and rejoin their Captain (now once again Grand Admiral) on the Renaissance.

The Maelstrom is also where Imp Squadron is assigned.  These near-washout fighter pilots are given one last chance by Wing General Soontir Fel to prove themselves, so are given just standard TIES and assigned to "the Empress' favourite privateer" to shape up.  Under Raw'nuru's command, they become an elite fighter squadron, basically the Hand's version of the NR's Wraith Squadron.  They also join their commander aboard the Renaissance.

Other Interdictors (undetermined class):

Scylla and Charybdis

Assigned to the Renaissance's battle group, these two Interdictors are commanded by Devola and Popula, two redish-orange twin Twi'leks who were trained by Raw'nuru on the Maelstrom.  They had originally been slaves belonging to the first pirate captain, who were freed by Raw'nuru when he overthrew and spaced that captain.  He saw their potential, and personally mentored them into Imperial officers.  Both are good friends (sometimes with benefits) of the Explorer Captain Shran.

Some Spiral-class Star Destroyers are also equipped with Interdiction technology, including Seeker Fleet’s HMS Skywarp.  The Renaissance itself is also Interdiction-capable. 

Arquitens-class Light Cruisers 

Considered the Imperial answer to the Rebellion’s/New Republic’s CR90 Corvette (aka the Rebel Blockade Runner, often nicknamed the “Rebel Ass-Hauler” by Hand navel personnel), the 300-metre long Arquitens has been in service since the Clone Wars, and was of the few ships from that era to remain in service in the Galactic Empire for the entirety of its existence.  The Empire of the Hand likewise inherited a large number of these ships.  While most serve essentially unchanged from their roles in the Galactic Empire as support and scout/recon craft, notable Arquitens have become something more. 

Explorer-class research and scout vessels:

Between 10 BBY and 6 ABY, while Thrawn was building up the Empire of the Hand, it became apparent, especially during the decade-long establishment of the "Thrawn's Cut" hyperspace route, that relying on Star Destroyers and other navy vessels to plant hyperspace beacons and for the diplomatic relations with non-hostile civilisations of the Chaos was unsustainable, and frankly a waste of the Navy's time when they need to be preparing for the upcoming Far Outsider invasion.

With the assistance of Xelarra's research into past exploration initiatives in Lesser Space (both historical and fictional), Thrawn began developing the foundation of a new, offshoot from the Hand Navy, to focus on (relatively) peaceful exploration exclusively.

That said, the Explorer ships, while small, needed to be tough and fast, to survive encounters with less-friendly forces, and to eventually transfer to scout duties in the Far Outsider War.

The ubiquitous Imperial Arquitens-class light cruiser (like Thrawn's first Imperial assignment, the Thunder Wasp) would make an ideal basis.

Explorer-class ships differ from their foundation in having even their limited weapons further reduced, in order to make room for science labs, a larger hanger to hold more than two shuttles at a time, and the most advanced sensor suite in the known Galaxy.  The crew compliment is also reduced, to about 200, from an Arquitens' 700.

Explorer ships are not entirely helpless -- their weapons may be limited, but they pack a punch, and can handle nuisances like smugglers/pirates perfectly well.  Standard procedure has the ships in constant communication with the nearest active Navy vessel (as detected over the Hand's hyperspace beacon network), which is obligated to come to the Explorer's aid if called.

Explorer-class vessels are highly modular, and can be easily customized for different mission profiles.

Thrawn unfortunately did not live to see the Explorer program officially start, but after his death, the program was finally pushed through by Empress Xelarra, with support from Admiral Faro. 

While officially under Admiral Faro’s jurisdiction, she delegated command of the Explorer program to Admiral Rae Sloane.  The program is officially based on Watchtower Station, a space station built at the Ascendency end of Thrawn’s Cut, right outside the border with the Chiss Ascendency.  From this point, Explorer vessels begin their deep space expeditions.

Explorers primarily rely on their planted hyperspace beacons, and on their powerful sensor suites to plot jump-by-jump navigation.  If in a hurry to go somewhere uncharted, Explorers will (begrudgingly) hire the help of a Force-sensitive navigator (the Pathfinders Guild has a franchise based on Watchtower Station), or ask for the assistance of an Imperial Knight.  They will not, under any but the most dire circumstances to the Empire of the Hand as a whole, use Chiss sky-walkers, as the Empire of the Hand considers child labour abhorrent, illegal, and basically slavery.  Like all Hand Imperial forces, they will offer political sanctuary to any sky-walker who asks for it, and their immediate family (parents/caretakers, siblings), and will ensure their transport to Nirauan or another long-time (and well-protected) Hand member world.  Explorer-class vessels use the designation “RRS” for “Royal Research Ship”  

Known Explorer ships:

RRS Stargazer

CO:  Captain Rosk’alem’izeq - Kalemi

Commanded by the Chiss Captain Kalemi, a former member of the Rogue Phalanx, who specialises in astronomy and served alongside then-Govoner Xelarra and Phalanx Commander Stent on the Honoghr mission. ("Nightfall of the Final Day") 

Xelarra and Thrawn's son, Shran, is assigned to the Stargazer as a cadet, and is mentored by Kalemi.  It is the Stargazer that first encounters Mara Jade when she goes looking for the Explorers after hearing rumours about them from spacers/smugglers, and she meets Shran, growing more interested in her connection with the Empire of the Hand (upcoming fic “Daughter of the Empire”).

The Stargazer comes under attack from a trigger-happy New Republic vessel in 22 ABY, mistaking it for an Imperial Remnant Arquitens, in complete violation of the  Pellaeon–Gavrisom Treaty.  Mara distracts the NR ship long enough for a Star Destroyer to come to its rescue, then works with Shran to devise an excuse that the NR ship wandered into an old Clone Wars minefield, despite Mara’s attempt to warn them. 

Cadet Shran serves aboard the Stargazer for the first decade of his career as an Explorer, eventually rising to the rank of First Officer, until he gets his own command.

(named after the USS Stargazer, Captain Jean-Luc Picard's first command).

RRS Intrepid

CO:  Captain Mitth’shra’nuruodo – Shran

Notable officers:              XO and Communications:  Commander Dee (human augment - Tattooine)

Helms officer: Lieutenant Cherith Fel (human - Nirauan)

Navigation:  Hex (Tripod)

Chief Engineer:  Commander Gorbash (Draconian)

CMO:  Doctor Jackie Hatch  (human – Lysatra)

Engineering:  Lieutenant Neela Drakesdaughter (Twi’lek)

Quartermaster:  Ensign Sali Vanto (human – Lysatra)

Commanded by Captain Shran a year or two after start of the Vong War.  Involved in many adventures, including tricking a Vong ship into getting sucked into a black hole, and the raid on Ossus.   Visits the Renaissance often enough that the crews of the two ships know each other pretty well.

(“hero” ship captained by Thrawn’s son. Named after the Intrepid-class ships in Star Trek, the most prominent example being the USS Voyager)

RRS Nonsuch

CO:  Captain Davi Cecelia.  (Quarren) 

XO:  <Unnamed Gungan who speaks with a distinguished Core World accent>

This ship specialises in exploration of ocean worlds.  The majority of her crew are from species that can breathe underwater unaided, and the ship itself is specialised to be able to land (and float) on water.

Captain Cecelia is begrunding friends with Captain Shran, and the two ships collaborate more often than they wish, with the Nonsuch backing up the Intrepid during the Ossus raid. 

(named after the Nonsuch, an 18th century merchant ship which explored Hudson’s and James’ Bays, and helped to start the Canadian fur trade.  A replica – which can be boarded and explored by guests – is on display at the Manitoba museum in Winnipeg.)

#star wars #Empire of the Hand #My AU #Imperial Guidebook #capital ships #The Renaissance Spiral and Explorer clases are my own creation #Thrawn deserves his own SSD #Legends AU Thrawn!lives #sort of #Star Wars Legends #Grand Admiral Thrawn #Empress Xelarra #Captain Shran #Voss Parck #gilad pellaeon #Karyn Faro #Rae Sloane

[gogogogolev]

Stephen’s interview at 2023 Skate America, published in World Figure Skating Magazine No. 99.

Stephen Gogolev 11th place men

I want to prove it to myself as well

WFSM: Reflecting on Skate America, how was it?

SG: It’s a disappointing result, but it’s a sport so sometimes there are bad times. I want to work harder in practice. The American audience gave me a boost; I think it gave me energy in terms of expression.

WFSM: This season’s free skate is choreographed by Benoît Richaud.

SG: He showed me several pieces of music; I chose three pieces from them that we joined together to create this program. It was very interesting to create a program with him that felt completely different from anything I had ever done before. I couldn’t get used to the music at first but it became fun while practising it, and I started to think I wanted to do my best to skate this free skate.

WFSM: What kind of preparation have you done for this season?

SG: Right now I’m training in California but this summer I went to Toronto and took part in the Canadian National Team Camp.¹ At the camp you skate your short and free in the style of a competition. It’s a way of getting feedback from the judges – there I got advice from the judges about spin positions, choreography, and step sequences.

WFSM: With Mr. Keegan Messing’s² retirement it’s time for a generational change for the Canadian men, isn’t it?

SG: Of course my goal is to become Canadian champion within a few years. But there are still competitions until then, and I want to do my best regardless of the competition.

WFSM: Have you met any of Canada’s retired star skaters?

SG: I see them on various occasions such as at the Canadian Championships. For example: recently when I went to Granite Club in Toronto I met Kurt Browning who congratulated me on my 3rd place finish at Autumn Classic International.

WFSM: Are medals an incentive?

SG: Of course, this is my first medal in senior international competition; I think it gave me confidence that I can do more.

WFSM: Are you currently a university student?

SG: I go to University of California Irvine. My major is political science. I decided on it because it was a field I was interested in.

WFSM: When do you think you are the happiest?

SG: I’m not sure. I think it’s probably when I’m busy. Of course I’m happy spending time with family or playing tennis, but I’m the type of person who feels fulfilled when I’m busy.

WFSM: Your goals for this season are?

SG: I want to fight so that I can properly show what I am capable of. I want to prove to myself that I can do it, prove that I can go beyond my limits. I think it will be good if I can gain experience in international competitions.³

WFSM: Do you enjoy competitions?

SG: I have come to enjoy them over the last few years. I can meet friends as well as new people. It’s nice to cheer on my friends.

(October 22, 2023 interview on the final day of Skate America)

Interview, text: Editorial department Text by World Figure Skating

Photo caption, top: FS “Time Lapse” (Choreographed by Richaud) © Nobuaki Tanaka / Shutterz

Photo caption, left: Born December 22, 2004 in Toronto. At the age of 13 he landed a variety of quads, winning the 2018 Junior Grand Prix Final. After that he went through a period of injury; presently he is training with Arutiunian. 13th place at the 2023 Four Continents Figure Skating Championships

Notes:

High Performance Camp, held at the end of August in Mississauga, ON.

Keegan was named politely with the -san suffix.

This is stated as - he hopes to get more experience competing internationally. Literally translating to ‘pile up experience’.

----

Despite how sad he looks in that photo Stephen answered the questions clearly. That’s good to see.

Stephen never goes in much detail about what is going on with him. But occasionally we get small amounts of info. Here we see that he is addressing his belief in himself. It's never been about a lack or loss of talent for him, he just needs to get his self-confidence back.

Kurt’s continued support of Stephen is invaluable. Kurt mentioned he’s known Stephen since he was 8 years old, before he moved to North America, and he hasn’t forgotten him since. You just have to love Kurt and all that he does for this sport.

Also it's nice to finally hear about what Stephen’s studying. It would be interesting to get his thoughts on current international affairs, but he would not share anything with strangers. I am wondering now what he plans to do after undergrad. Perhaps studying law? Public service, or public office? We got one answer, but more questions have now popped up. He’s a smart guy so I am sure he will succeed no matter what he plans to do.

This interview was over two pages which I have just stitched together in the image above. Here is a bonus image from 2023 Grand Prix de France which was shared as part of a collage from that event on another page. The caption states Stephen was 7th in the men's event. Photo credit: Manabu Takahashi/Shutterz

Thank you to World Figure Skating Magazine for interviewing Stephen. This was an insightful and considerate interview.

---

Disclosure: The content of this interview went from English to Japanese and now back to English. I may have lost something in translation. Though I try to ensure the nuance of the conversation has been captured in the translation, I welcome any corrections. Please link back to this interview if you share it as I may edit it.

If you would like to purchase this magazine with international shipping you may do so through Amazon Japan, CD Japan, HMV & Books, or Honto.

Happy new year to you all, and may 2024 be a fantastic year for all of us.

#stephen gogolev #SkAm23 #GPFrance23 #2023 2024 season #interview

[unknought]

finally read Blindsight; some thoughts with major spoilers below the cut

Almost everyone seem to take Blindsight as a horror story with the premise “what if consciousness is ultimately not adaptive, and there are aliens which are much smarter than us but not conscious at all?” and based on Peter Watts’ comments about the story it seems like that is probably what he intended to write, but that is not what I got from it at all. What I read was a story about people in conditions of high stress and extreme moral injury using bad philosophy of mind to dehumanize their victims.

Here are some of the events that occur in the story:

The crew of the Theseus accidentally kills an alien (or “accidentally”; unintentionally on the part of any of the human crew but probably due to sabotage by the ship AI, although I don’t think that’s ever made explicit).

On examining the alien’s corpse, they conclude that it couldn’t be sentient, because it has so many sense organs and chromatophores that almost all of its nerves would have to be allocated to input and output, with little left over for intelligence. Everyone is very relieved: "It was as dumb as a stick. And property damage is so much easier to live with than murder."

This turns out to be completely wrong, as the aliens clearly show a lot of intelligence. Eventually it's explained that the sensory and motor neurons "time share" and can also be used for higher-level processing.

Our intrepid heroes capture some of the aliens and start torturing them to learn about them. Several crewmembers feel a lot of guilt about this and cope with it in various ways. For example, although some of the crewmembers have given nicknames to the aliens, one who feels especially guilty refuses to call them by anything except numbers. "She'd just fallen back on the oldest trick in the Torturer's Handbook, the one that lets you go home to your family after work, and play with your children, and sleep at night: never humanize your victims."

The crew once again comes to the conclusion that the aliens aren't people, but for different reasons from last time: sure they're intelligent, but they're not "conscious". The evidence we see for this is as follows: 1) they can think very fast, 2) in one experiment, an alien is asked to name the objects in a picture containing some geometric objects, the alien ship, and an alien, and it misses the alien on its first try, though it gets it right the second time, 3) their performance on cognitive tasks doesn't get any worse while they're being tortured, 4) ... I think that's it.

Finally, the crew concludes that the lack of consciousness explains why the aliens were hostile from the start and are likely impossible to negotiate with: Human communication is full of things that would make no sense to an intelligence without consciousness, and they would inevitably conclude that human messages are an intentional attack, designed to make the recipient waste resources trying to interpret something that was ultimately meaningless. So the aliens are responding to what they perceive as human initial hostility, and there's no way to communicate with them that they wouldn't perceive as a further attack. There's not really any support for any of this theory, and the aliens never do anything particularly hostile in the story that isn't a response to some act of aggression on the part of the humans.

In fact, "encountering something you can't understand and assuming that it's an enemy" is far more descriptive of the actions of the Theseus and crew than of anything the aliens do. Almost as if their conclusions about the alien ship subtly named Rorschach reveal more about them than the thing they’re studying!

My general feeling is that “consciousness” as discussed by Watts and the kinds of people he’s responding to is a fairly confused concept, meaning sometimes “having experiences” and other times a wide variety of tenuously related, much more complex functions. In practice this can serve as a sort of rhetorical sleight of hand, where anything that is believed to fail to have whatever complex cognitive ability is being equated to consciousness at the moment can be denied any experiences worth caring about, any point of view at all. This is frequently applied to nonhuman animals and sometimes extended to neurodivergent humans as well, which we see some of in the dialogue in Blindsight: a character speculates that “sociopaths” are less conscious than neurotypical humans, and that going further in that direction would result in “robots pretending to give a shit”, “completely unaware of what they were doing”, not even capable of experiencing pain. Less overt but still present is a similar implication about autistic people.

If I wanted to write a story about the use of the concept of “consciousness” as a tool of dehumanization, and the limitations of people’s empathy when dealing with anything too unlike themselves, this would be a pretty good way to do it: have a ship full of neurodivergent people who are seen as marginally human by much of society, establish their own personhood, and then reverse their roles by having them encounter some very alien aliens and giving them a strong incentive to believe that the aliens are incapable of feeling pain or being negotiated with. But in the notes to the story Watts says

“While a number of people have pointed out the various costs and drawbacks of sentience, few if any have taken the next step and wondered out loud if the whole damn thing isn't more trouble than it's worth. Of course it is, people assume; otherwise natural selection would have weeded it out long ago. And they're probably right. I hope they are. Blindsight is a thought experiment, a game of Just suppose and What if. Nothing more.”

so I guess he did all that by accident??

[freezing-kaiju]

personally I dislike saber faces Rin faces Sakura faces etc because fate has a severe problem with not having anyone wi to an interesting face. Huge hulk men are the only ones with interesting noses, only Drake has huge facial scars, no girl has weird teeth, no girl has big eyebrows, there’s a deep lack of interesting features in general and Sakura, Rin, and Saber have practically the same face in my books save Sakura’s weird pupils. Get stranger with it. Embrace the variety of mankind. Watch Mononoke and maybe you’ll learn stylization

#kj grabs a megaphone #this post is like. way too mean in various ways #but #like #the argument of I Want More ()-Faces #you have them #so many of them #show me a human face that looks like Rin and not Sakura when doing Sakura’s expressions

[chronic-gastro-illness-culture]

Does anyone else have ARFID due to stomach issues? I'm terrified of food because I know it will cause me pain.

my stomach felt a lil funny last night so i threw away everything that wasnt strictly gerd safe bc i started experimenting w my diet 🥲

for ppl who dont know what ARFID is:

Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder

Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) is a new diagnosis in the DSM-5, and represents a reformulation of what used to be called “Feeding Disorder of Infancy or Early Childhood.” Individuals with ARFID limit the volume and/or variety of foods they consume, but unlike the other eating disorders, food avoidance or restriction is not related to fears of fatness or distress about body shape, size or weight. Instead, in ARFID, selective eating is motivated by a lack of interest in eating or food, sensory sensitivity (e.g., strong reactions to taste, texture, smell of foods), and/or a fear of aversive consequences (e.g., of choking or v*).

Diagnostic Criteria

According to the DSM-5 TR, ARFID is diagnosed when:

An eating or feeding disturbance (e.g., apparent lack of interest in eating or food; avoidance based on the sensory characteristics of food; concern about aversive consequences of eating) as manifested by persistent failure to meet appropriate nutritional and/or energy needs associated with one (or more) of the following:

Significant weight loss (or failure to achieve expected weight gain or faltering growth in children).

Significant nutritional deficiency.

Dependence on enteral feeding or oral nutritional supplements.

Marked interference with psychosocial functioning.

The disturbance is not better explained by lack of available food or by an associated culturally sanctioned practice.

The eating disturbance does not occur exclusively during the course of anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa, and there is no evidence of a disturbance in the way in which one’s body weight or shape is experienced.

The eating disturbance is not attributable to a concurrent medical condition or not better explained by another mental disorder. When the eating disturbance occurs in the context of another condition or disorder, the severity of the eating disturbance exceeds that routinely associated with the condition or disorder and warrants additional clinical attention.

Risk Factors

As with all eating disorders, the risk factors for ARFID are suspected to involve a range of biological, psychological, and sociocultural issues. These factors may interact differently in different people, which means two people with the same eating disorder can have very diverse perspectives, experiences, and symptoms. Emerging longitudinal research is examining factors that may increase vulnerability to the development of ARFID. Most of what is known currently is based on cross-sectional data, that is, from studies of individuals who have already been diagnosed with ARFID. Here’s what we know:

Children who don’t outgrow normal picky eating, or in whom picky eating is severe, appear to be more likely to develop ARFID.

People with certain medical conditions that make eating uncomfortable, or developmental disorders such as autism may be more likely to develop ARFID.

Comorbid conditions, such as autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, anxiety disorders, and depression, are common amongst those with ARFID.

While ARFID cannot be diagnosed if another eating disorder such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa, for example, is present, some people with ARFID can develop weight and shape concerns, and a small portion of these will transition from ARFID to another eating disorder over time.

more info:

Cleveland Clinic

WebMD

Very Well Mind

NCBI/NLM/NIH/Pub Med (v dry scientific literature )

NEDC (australian )

#anonymous #digestive disorders #chronic illness #stomach problems #arfid #actually arfid #ed mention #gastroesophageal reflux disease #irritable bowel syndrome #irritable bowel disease #food intolerance #food allergies #stomach ulcer #crohn's disease #gastroparesis #dysphagia #gallstones #delayed stomach emptying

[dojae-huh]

I've written before several posts on JaeDo compatibility, what attracts them to each other (in my opinion of an outsider, naturally), etc. Today I'll add a bit to the topic.

I've been thinking the other day about pre-debut Doyoung. You see, today's Doyoung is an above average for k-pop singer/tv actor/musical actor/model/variety host/MC of big music festivals. A man for grabs.

3 months shy of 9 years ago Jaehyun met a spaz who dressed like a church oppa.

And, well, sure, he looked like a gay teen dream, but he was one of many good looking trainees and sunbae-nims. Jaehyun also went to SOPA with idol-wannabees.

Moreover, after the negative result of the confession Jaehyun started to host NCT's Night Night in 2017 where he met a plethora of idols of all ages and where he was often flirted with. Yet, he stayed loyal to his unrequated crush.

One of the reason would be Jaehyun himself and him liking to be in love. There are people who fall in love for the sake of being in love, for the thrill, the hormones, the emotions, etc. And looking at Jae, he likes living the romance and all its stages. You know, the pining, the flirty letters, the memorisation of all the trivia about the crush, the "I will wait for when you are ready", "Doyoung-ie-hyung likes burgers, too", "Doyoung-ie-hyung is great at taking selcas", let me tell you how Doyoung-ie-hyung takes the shower, etc. What I want to say is that Jaehyun isn't a person to easily fall out of love, he is one to mope and enjoy the heartbreak, to hold on.

But back to Rookies Doyoung. Even if Jaehyun was at the age of leaving the nest, living on his own, and looking for romance, his crush still needed to answer certain criteria to hook him so well.

And I don't think its Doyoung's affinity to taking care of people. For the simple reason of Taeyong being the original "mom", who in the end never managed to make a home in Jae's heart. And Taeyong tried.

There was also Hansol, who let Jae cling to him. And idol hyungs (I chose Sehun and Suho at random (I googled the names, don't suppose I recognise them, heh), I don't know who was doting on Jae the most back then).

In short, there was no lack of people taking care of maknae Jaehyun. There was no lack of people to make Jaehyun blush as well.

With Lu Han.

It's not like Jaehyun was choosing a crush only among gay trainees either. He didn't know Doyoung's orientation for sure.

On EnNaNa Jaehyun once said that he would throw eraser dust on a *girl* if he liked *her* in elementary (?) school. Jaehyun's understanding of courting is relentless teasing. For the teasing to work and bring positive fruits, the recepient of the pranks should response in a funny and positive way. You know, not to punch in the face in retaliation.

Doyoung is THE one to tease. Name a 127 Neo who doesn't do it like sport (even Mark came in the middle of the night to make Do put his own face in a cake).

Another thing we know is that JaeDo argued a lot back in 2014-2015. Just for the sake of arguing. And Jae evidently enjoyed it. So I think Do's readiness for dispute, his ability to meet Jae's brat side helped. JaeDo planned stuff together as well.

A small side note for comparison, but notice how Mark or Johnny have a hard time with Taeyong in his hyper playful mode. They humour him, but try to leave and avoid. You'd think the prankster Johnny would be glad to be stupid with Taeyong, but Tae's silliness is not too compatible with him.

Jae used to talk a lot about Doyoung being smart. It impressed him. So I think it's safe to list it as a trait that attracted trainee Jae. His own father is a University professor and mother is a teacher, he is close to his father and comes to him for advice, Jae is ought to respect intelligence. His father taught him to like jazz, for example, and polite manners. Jaehyun was enamored with the clean Church oppa look.

I think Tende helped a lot. Learning all the songs made space for two (+1), attentiveness and patience needed to practice harmony, the romantic side of all of it. When Jaehyun joined SM he wanted to sing, he hadn't dreamt of being a rapper in particular.

I said earlier I don't think Doyoung's care was something unique to fall for, but one thing he can do like no other: give you his full attention, make you feel seen and exeptional. He breaks the ice, provides openings, listens well, touches first. It should have been very comfortable for a shy introvert like Jaehyun to communicate with a person like Doyoung, when the other party did all the socialisation work.

#I'll be your morning star #anatomy of jaedo

[organic-lure-trees]

Boardbot OCs

I thought about sharing these ideas for my evil Boardbot OCs cause of how much destruction they would inflict on Toontown through ownership of shares and other awful schemes. Money and power go hand in hand.

Lots of text down below for my Boardbot group

Peyton Diesel (Level 5 exe. Con Artist)

Enjoys selling foraged artwork and NFTs on the free market like the true cryptobro he is. He even has the personality of one (help us all). Has shares related to several advertising companies producing propaganda that encourages capitalistic ideals and fighting against toons to ensure C.O.G.S. Inc. prospers.

Wears a black, front-facing cap with the words, “Cogsupeme” on the front panel. Lacks any trace of facial hair.

Pat Tannum (Level 6 exe. Connoisseur)

Snobby and rude to anyone of the lower class. They own rare luxuries that’s been harvesting from really shady sources (poaching, illegal mining, etc.). Owns a company that’s dedicated to destroying vast acres of land within Toontown to harvest as much valuable metals and minerals as possible.

Dons a top hat made from the a rare species of bearacuda and has a curled up mustache.

Dubiel Ornutheen (Level 7 exe. Swindler)

She gets a kick out of gambling some of a company’s assets on games like poker and blackjack to spend it all on digital items on their freenium mobile games. Has shares in a major casino brand and a game company that is big on microtransactions and loot boxes.

Wears a pair of black, leather gloves always and has a short, wavy mustache.

Endre Mediary (Level 8 exe. Middleman)

Thinks every cog is just as gullible and stupid as a toon. He creates the perfect scam by hoarding a variety of essential items to create an artificial shortage to where buyers will resort to pay a high distribution fee. Owns shares in his distribution business and a line of semitrucks dedicated to importing and exporting.

Wears a black, trilby hat with one face on each side that won’t stop smiling even if they’re angry.

Nero Tolson (Level 9 exe. Toxic Manager)

They’re a big lover of all things pollution and the suffering of others (toons and cogs alike) while also consuming heaping doses of dangerous liquids. Helps to fund the production of highly toxic chemicals, nuclear power plants, and science experiments that have dubious practices involved.

Has two different sets of heads they like to change into. One is the default, toxic waste container head while the other is a skull model with green, shiny optics.

Anno Speer (Level 12 exe. Magnate)

She claims to have ownership of the entire sky and will do anything to destroy its pristine condition for expansion and profit. Oversees a large portion of the aviation that occurs within C.O.G.S. Inc along with plans to develop airborne sectors for economic and transport purposes.

Head resembles that of the common black hawk.

Casper Junit (Level 15 exe. Big Fish)

He lives large and in charge of depleting the local waters of every single creature and resource deep within. Owns a commercial fishing and offshore fracking company that already has several, working facilities across Barnacle Boatyard.

Has the head of an Atlantic bluefin tuna with muted colors.

Conn Truckshone (Level 20 exe. Head Honcho)

Is the main overseer of the entire board group and rules with fists made of high-grade titanium. Owns a company dedicated to building and maintaining infrastructure across various regions outside of Toontown.

Entire body is made out of high-grade metals with a shiny, chrome head to boot.

#toontown #ttcc #toonblr #toontag #OCs #cogs #boardbots #My posts #toontown corporate clash

[literaticat]

I see some picture book authors who are churning out books left and right, with several publishing in the same year. But my agent only wants to focus on one manuscript at at time. I don't bombard her with manuscripts but when I've tried to make a plan for getting more books out there she is reluctant and I get a vague explanation that it doesn't really work that way or "it sounds exhausting." From an agenting standpoint, how would you handle a reasonably "prolific" author-illustrator?

On the face of it, your agent is correct -- it DOESN'T really work that way, and it DOES sound exhausting. But there's also a certain lack of clarity here. You first mention picture book authors -- then you mention author-illustrators. And those are two somewhat different situations.

So first - what do I mean by "it doesn't really work that way" -- well, what you, an outsider, perceive as an author CHURNING OUT BOOKS LEFT AND RIGHT, is probably... not really that, actually. It happens, when authors are relatively prolific, that they might sell a couple of books a year in a given category, or even a few books to a couple different publishers. The way that the publisher timing works out, this can sometimes mean that MULTIPLE books come out near the same time -- but that doesn't mean that they were SOLD near the same time. They might have been sold YEARS apart and just the vagaries of illustrator schedules and other flukes mean that they are coming out closer together. (For example, I have an author with four books coming out in the same 12 month span -- two are GN, two are PB -- but they were all sold years apart to three different publishers -- it just so happens that they will end up releasing much closer together for a variety of reasons, and other books that may have even sold more recently than these books will come out first. This happens all the time. Heck, one of my authors had TWELVE books come out in one year -- but they were in multiple categories, from multiple publishers, and it happened that some were series, and it just worked out that way -- it's not like we sell 12 books a year).

Author-illustrators are a slightly different ball of wax because typically that work takes LONGER -- so we might sell one or two author-illustrator books a year - or even one or two author-illustrator project and one or two illustration-only projects -- but again, those might or might not come out near each other, and it might just stack up that several things come out closer together even if they were sold farther apart.

IMO, best practices and how I prefer to work is to focus on selling one book in a given category at a time when it is possible. (Sometimes it's NOT possible and I have to go out with multiple at the same time, and it is what it is, but it's not my preference.) There are a variety of reasons for this -- I don't want to overwhelm editors, I don't want them to think I'm just throwing stuff out there willy-nilly, I want each project to feel SPECIAL and have its own time to shine, etc etc. If I'm just CONSTANTLY shooting new mss at them, it starts to get messy, and it seems as if I am not really sending them The Best of the Best, you know?

Additionally, when you already have one or two (or more!) publishers -- some of those folks might have option clauses or non-compete clauses of some kind, or it might make logical sense for one publisher to focus on one kind of book and another publisher to focus on another kind of book -- there should be some kind of a strategy behind submissions, and "peppering everyone with mss" is not the best strategy.

Which is all a long way of saying, while I think it's important that you are able to be candid with your agent if you want them to be more transparent about their strategy or Do More or whatever -- I also wouldn't base the timing of what you do on what you think other authors are doing or not doing. Because you just don't know what the reality is there. They are likely selling books at a relatively normal pace of say, a couple a year, and publishing schedules and other things out of their control make it SEEM like they are "churning" at certain times.