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crookedfandomquill · 10 months

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I am about to lose my mind with y'all, for real. To recap, we got: tons of new backstory content on Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship; tons of cute new content including them dancing together a la Jane Austen; two other queer relationships meant to parallel and contrast their own; a FUCKING KISS; confirmation from Neil that he has an entire third season planned out and, regardless of whether it gets made in a TV format, will definitely give it to us in some form or fashion... and there are still fans jumping online and acting the fool.

Look. I totally understand if relationship angst isn't your thing. I'm not always in the mood for it, and it has to make sense for the story and the characters. However, feeling a lot of feelings about how the season ended, or wishing it had gone differently as a personal preference, is not the same as getting on this platform and saying, with your whole chest, that it was HOMOPHOBIC for Aziraphale and Crowley to hit a major relationship snag. Was it goddamn sad? Absolutely. Did it hurt my soul? 100%. But there are people claiming that it's part of some new "queer people have to suffer" trend (an emotional bury-your-gays, if you will), and that Neil (noted storytelling genius and LBGTQ ally) wrote this ending as an elaborate form of queerbaiting.

My girls. My gays. My theys. My sweet, silly geese. This is preposterous. First of all, this is not how the story ends. It is a clear and masterful setup for a third season (or whatever form it takes, hopefully TV but we shall see). It's pretty typical for the second act of a story to end in some kind of tragedy or twist that needs to be resolved in the third act, and it's typical because it works great for narrative flow and character development.

Second of all, and I'm begging you to listen to me: it is not homophobic to have your queer couple experience relationship problems. It is not homophobic for there to be pain and difficulty before they get a happily ever after. It is not homophobic to let your queer characters deal with commitment issues, unresolved trauma, or other baggage that temporarily prevents them from being together. This is literally a staple of the romance story, regardless of the sexualities involved, and is something that almost anyone who's been in sexual or romantic relationships has experienced in real life to some degree.

Now, if there were truly a phenomenon in fiction where every single queer couple had to go through astronomical levels of difficulty to get a happy ending, proportional to fictional straight couples, and the sweet, uncomplicated stuff just wasn't there to indulge in, I'd concede a little. But that's just... not true. If you think it is, you may not be reading or watching broadly enough. Queer folk deserve to see queer characters overcome relationship conflict just as much as they deserve to have sweeter, escapist options.

If you're mad about Good Omens 2 because you prefer drama-free escapism in you queer relationships, or were expecting that and felt let down, that's fine, you have a right to your feelings. And it's always hard when you've waited for a story for four years and built it up in your head (which is why I generally try not to do that, but you do you). But, you do not have to justify your feelings by accusing the story of queerbaiting or homophobia. In fact, I beg you not to. Just say that it hurt and you wish it had been happier; it's okay for you to feel that way, and people shouldn't put you down for it.

But propping up your emotions by accusing a piece of media of implicitly contributing to a system of oppression that it actively works to undermine is just not where it's at, folks. There is media that genuinely does that, but this isn't it. Again, have all the emotions about the ending that you want, but stop crying wolf. It's getting old.

#good omens season 2 #good omens #good omens spoilers #discourse #feel free to yell at me in the comments but I probably won't respond #I've got a lot going on this weekend

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davekat-sucks · 7 months

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Can I say that I'm actually a little scared of the mentality people now have over medias?

I thought it was just an internet problem, but then one day one of my friends came to me and "recommend me to watch the new Snow white movie" (the one where she's fat). I told her I saw the trailers etc and I wasn't very interested in re-watching the same story differently, but she insisted, so I asked her what's so interesting about the movie and what was her favorite part, stuff like that. She said, and I quote "the positive representation of a fat character and her healthy relationship with a positive character"... And that's it. Not the good storytelling, not the good designs, not the good interpretations of a story that has already been told, just cuz she's fat and not the bottom of the joke is enough to brimg peoplebto the cinema. That's scary.

Another time I was watching the last episode of "Helluva Boss", where Frizarolli and Asmodeus (I really don't remember how to write their name, I'm sorry) were shown gay and shit like that, and after the episode, I commented it to my friends. Between the things I said, I also "dared to say" that the gay relationship between those 2 characters was cute but also a little boring. You don't know how much they bitched about it, I didn't even say it was BAD, just a LITTLE boring, and they took it as an attack to a "perfectly healthy representation of a gay couple". Oh boy.

And I'm saying all of this as a trans pansexual autistic person. I am happy too when there's queer/diverse representation, but I feel like that's all that matters now and I feel disgusted by it. And as a Homestuck hyperfixated bitch, I see the same mechanisms in this fandom too and I really want to scream. STOP THIS MADNESS! I DON'T CARE IF VRISKA IS TRANS, SHE STILL DID BAD THINGS AND I DON'T CARE IF THEY WERE BAD THINGS IRL, SHE'S STILL A COMPLEX AND WELL WRITTEN CHARACTER (for the most part) THAT'S WHY I LIKE HER!!! I DON'T CARE ABOUT ALL OF THIS PURITAN AND "PROGRESSIVE" BULLSHIT, STOP IT!

It is terrifying that people are taking these activisms in fictional works so seriously. And not just by corporates pushing them to make dollars, but people of all kinds, vocalizing it in real life to prove they are doing something right. Any criticism, even if it's not directed at the progressive part, will always get people labeled as phobic this or racist that. They would even ignore people who are in said group it was geared towards to if they disagree how it was presented. Can't we go back to being allowed to critique or dislike things without labels flung around? It's life in general that people will dislike a thing for different reasons. Not everyone is super super bad people who dislikes a certain thing for certain reason.

#fandom #fandoms

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ivyblossom · 2 years

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Creators, Fans, and Shame (mine)

This is not going to be a useful exploration that adds any value to fandom. This is just my personal fannish agony, documented in the hopes that I can leave it behind somehow.

I'm struggling to cope with the fact of a showrunner who actually seems to be pro-fan. I love it, it's amazing, I'm so grateful, it makes me happy, but then it also scares me. Can any showrunner start out pro-fan, and stay pro-fan?

Which, as I say it, sounds ridiculous. Surely people who create media like their fans. But we know the truth of it: creators have hated fans like us forever. We are used to being hated. We are used to be belittled and mocked. There's a part of my psyche that is just pure shielding at this point because I'm so used to it that I've gotten pretty good at blocking stuff out.

You know what stuff: I think I still have a copy of a cease & desist letter from a creator's laywers addressed to a fan for deigning to make fanfiction available on the internet: that's the kind of reaction I'm familiar with and used to. (It wasn't addressed to me, it was to someone I knew, but weren't we all making fanfiction available? Wasn't it sort of directed at all of us?) And all the laughing interviews, the jokes, the dismissal, being framed as stupid, vapid teen girls (why must everyone hate teen girls? I ask you) actors reading fanfiction in front of an audience for gross, humiliating laughs (my heart goes out to the fan writer that happened to: I cannot imagine, I just cannot), the discomfort with our existence, the dismay that we have voices and react to things, the outrage. We get embarrassed by it. We police each other to try and prevent it (I am guilty of this, and I'm sorry).

We have often been fans in spite of creators who behave this way towards us. The communities we build around a shared language and the stories we tell becomes more important to us than the original content. Fanwork is often criticism: a repair job, a rescue, a different, better narrative choice, or character choice. Does this kind of negative creator reaction to fandom make negatively-inspired fanwork more likely? I don't know.

It's tough when you admire creators so much and they turn around and sneer at you and laugh at you. It feels very personal and humiliating. Don't meet your heroes, etc. etc. right? I feel very weird about all this, because these creators that I admire so much, they don't know me, they're not aware of me at all. For good or for ill, it's not about me, really. We become a mass, a collective noun. But still, it is, on some level, also about me. It is personal.

I don't know what to do with any of this. the humiliation of getting scolded by a showrunner you admire, or even the delight of their joy in fandom when it comes, honestly. Parasocial relationships are a trip. I am very embarrassed about them. When I see any of my heroes in real life I am immediately so embarrassed by my own anonymous excitement that I can only pretend that I don't know who they are. My own one-sided admiration overwhelms me. And embarrasses me. That's a me thing.

Fundamentally I'm struggling now because I've believed in creators before and been let down by them. I've believed that they understood us and wouldn't lash out and hurt us in these specific ways. And I've been very wrong.

And you know, I don't even mean the queerbaiting, honestly. I mean being framed by people we deeply admire as silly, gross, dumb idiots who got it all horribly, self-indulgently wrong, you dumbasses. That really hurts in a way that sticks.

I have my own way of dealing with the queerbaiting thing, but maybe that's also just my shielding. Maybe I've created a way to process it to make it okay because of how common it's been through my whole life, and how much I want to be able to love certain swaths of media, I don't know.

But I don't need a story to do certain things in order to love it, or for it to be queer enough for me, or whatever. My struggle is with how creators talk about fans rationally reading stories as queer. David Jenkins called it gaslighting, and I think he's 100% correct. To dismiss and deny that the reading is there and reasonable at all is hurtful in a way that I find hard to describe. Gaslighting is the right word for it, because it's an abuse tactic. And that's how it feels.

And now I'm going to get into this: I want to talk about Sherlock. (Oh god, really? Yes. Yes, I'm going to talk about it, hopefully just this once, and then let it go.)

When I first saw Sherlock S1 when it aired, I thought it was wonderfully slashy in a self-aware way, and given that it's kind of a prequel, "how Sherlock Holmes becomes Sherlock Holmes," and how they were already framing the relationship, I figured that the story would give in to the romance on some level, though I figured it probably wouldn't be in an on-the-nose way. I imagined it would be romantically ambiguous to the end, and to be honest, after 4 series, I will still argue that that's exactly what it ended up being.

I remain perfectly confident in the argument that Sherlock is very much a story about two men who fall desperately in love with each other, but have so much personal baggage that they can't do anything with the truth of that love other than wrestle with it, know that it's true and real, and have to find a way to live with the sheer impossibility of it.

Conceptually, I like that story, even if it's queerbaity. I think it's immensely tragic and beautiful, monstrous and beautiful, and while it would suck for every story to be like that, I loved a story that would play with love in that way. I loved writing fanfiction that explored and pushed through that tension. The fact of the romantic impossibility was a sort of invitation to write ways that it could happen. Is that strange? Maybe that's just a coping mechanism I've developed. Anyway. I was okay with the story. It's sort of queering the backstory of these two men in Arthur Conan Doyle's stories, giving them this fraught romantic history.

There's a whole mess in there about fandom conspiracies and whatnot. I really never understood any of that and I was truly shocked by what happened in fandom when series 4 aired. I'm embarrassed that I didn't see it coming when the signs were there, and that I didn't understand it that fannish shipping had tipped over into something else that I still can't completely wrap my head around, so I won't pretend to have a useful opinion about any of that.

What hurt me the most wasn't the way the narrative about the relationship resolved. It was the way the creators talked about it the queer reading of the story, and about us, after series 4 aired. As if we were gross and silly and wrong. And ridiculous. And offensive. And they were angry with us.

I realize creators see fandom from a very different vantage point than I do, and I'm sure there's more going on than I can possibly be aware of, real life stuff, scary stuff fans may have been up to, but the dramatic reaction from the Sherlock creators dismissing all the very legible and originally self-aware romantic elements of their own story shocked the hell out of me, and made me feel...well, stupid and ashamed, honestly. Because I didn't see any of that coming on any level. I thought they understood us.

I didn't, and still don't, see anything wrong with wanting an implied queer romance to go from subtext to text. I didn't see anything wrong with arguing that it could, or even that it should. What would actually happen in the story was a whole other matter, but the fannish conversations about the potential of the narrative were fair and legit, as far as I'm concerned. I never expected to be told that I was imagining it the whole time. I trusted that Steven Moffat in particular wouldn't do that. And I'm embarrassed that I believed that he wouldn't. I'm hugely disappointed that he did.

And I'm embarrassed that I'm embarrassed, because of the parasociality of it all! Steven Moffat doesn't know me. It's not about me. But, at the same time, it is. I'm part of that collective noun. And I wasn't wrong about that story.

And now I think David Jenkins would not do that to us, and I truly believe he wouldn't, because he's already confirmed it in the text and in conversations about the text. We're free. I think he actually understands. He seems to understand it better than I do. I like the way he frames it. He's given me a way to think about all this that's actually very useful, and healing. And because this story isn't gaslighting us, there shouldn't be a whole dialogue about fans getting it wrong and stupid, sex-obsessed girls. Right?

Right?

I need a hug.

#fannish angst #old Sherlock wounds #David Jenkins #Our Flag Means Death adjacent

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imaginarylungfish · 8 months

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i just finished the last season of sex education and i have some thoughts:

first of all, i really do love what the show did. they brought sexuality, queerness, disability, mental health, and other "taboo" topics to light. it wasn't perfect, and i think they took on a lot of new arcs that were a little unresolved this last season. but overall, a solid show that i will probably re-watch in the future.

i'll list out the specifics of what i liked and disliked below, so spoiler warning! (also tw for anything mentioned in the show)

---LIKED---

ADAM

i was surprised that my favorite interaction was between adam and his father (michael).

i liked how the show handled adam's character development. we are introduced to him in season 1 as a bully. but wait, it's because he is emotionally repressed and has internalized homophobia. this is not an excuse, but an explanation. he is still accountable for the pain he caused (namely, to eric).

and being with eric helps him a lot, but they were not compatible. i really liked how they showed that dynamic. like, some people are so pivotal in your life, but they are not meant to be in it in the same capacity forever (or at all).

i also love how adam is able to admit he's bisexual to the horse girl and she's so normal about it.

MICHAEL

i am very happy they kept michael in the show even though i probably would have been fine if he never returned after the first/second season. but that's not life. people who hurt you stay in your life. and they either turn a blind eye to the pain they caused or try to make amends and change.

seeing michael come to terms with his part to play in his separation with maureen and his lack of connection with his son was peak. a father figure learning how to feel his emotions in a healthy way and take responsibility for how his behavior has hurt others? what a groundbreakingly average thing to show.

his redemption arc is clumsy. he makes adam feel uncomfortable by saying sorry and by voicing his emotions. but he is trying to break out of the cycle of emotional repression. yes, it's too late. damage has been done. but that doesn't mean you don't still work on changing yourself to stop further damage.

in general on this show, i like how character's backgrounds are shown so we understand why they act the way they do. but those are not excuses. those characters must come to terms with what they've done and put in effort to mend relationships.

(also, i cried during this scene ^)

idk like this father-son depiction was so helpful for me to see. seeing a parent take accountability was huge. i really haven't seen many depictions like this in media.

but i hope to see more.

ERIC

love love love this character! he's the flamboyant, confident gay some part of me wishes to be.

i was surprised to like his character arc this season too, even though it involved religion. tbh, when the religious scenes with him would pop up, i'd sort of ignore them and want to get back to the other stuff. but i am actually happy with what they were trying to show with him here.

i loved how they showed eric's conflict. his queerness is at odds with his spirituality. okay, what's new? well, he also wants to stay within the church because he does truly believe in its teachings. plus, his cultural identity is tied to his church, and he doesn't want to give that up.

so again, we as viewers do not get the easy way out (to just leave). we must stick it out and wade our way through the messiness of it all with eric.

i have a personal connection to this character's story as i am queer (more proudly and confidently now) and grew up catholic. i love how the show showed the pastor and other people in the church turning a blind eye to eric's queerness (at first), expecting him to hide it while citing "beliefs" as to why when it's clear jesus (if he was ever a real person) would have never done that.

i do not believe in god anymore. so i thought i'd not relate to anything more of eric's arc after it was clear he wanted to stay religious. but i think they did a great job showing how queerness and religion are not mutually exclusive for people who want/believe in that.

i love how eric stayed true to himself. he is proudly queer AND christian. and i found myself respecting that, even though i, of course, do not fully understand it.

also the moment when his mom stands up and says "i love you as you are, my son" after he comes out to the whole church was peak. a mother who is proud of their queer child? again, groundbreakingly average.

another quote i loved from eric: "i love myself too much to not tell my truth." this is now my mantra.

also, i was surprised i didn't find the whole "seeing god" thing super cheesy.

but it was kinda healing for me, as if i got some closure from my time being queer and catholic.

i remember reading a catholic book in high school that said people who had "homosexual tendencies" were just called by god to be stronger and resist those feelings, as if we are soldiers in a war. as the good little catholic girl i was back then, i obeyed.

so seeing this "god" say "i made you this bright so that others would see in the darkness" was really huge for me.

ERIC & OTIS

i always loved their dynamic. a straight man being able to show affection for his gay best friend (and even dress up in drag together)? groundbreakingly average.

i really liked how they showed their dynamic change, too. otis is eric's best friend but that doesn't mean he's going to understand everything about him. eric needs more friends than just otis. he needs queer friends, black friends, religious friends.

i loved seeing eric come to terms with this. he needs more! he feels guilty! he feels annoyed that otis doesn't listen to him! he tries talking about it with otis but otis shuts him down again and again.

but as this show likes to do, they find a way to work things out. otis is able to look inside himself and realize they don't relate to each other about things that are important to each. and that's okay. they talk. they communicate. they apologize. hurt is acknowledged and repair is happening.

they can still be really good friends, even best friends, even though they are really different than when they started.

i'm so glad a show called "sex education" knew to put a big focus on the importance of deep friendship.

---DISLIKED---

VIV

i really like this character! she is focused on her goals and straight to the point. no bullshit. (and maybe autistic-coded??) i'm glad we still have her in season 4. plus, her and jackson's friendship is still going strong (again, love me some friendship rep).

BUT i do not think they did a ~great~ job with her arc. it was too rushed. they had some great things to say, but little time to properly execute it.

i think the show did a good job showing beau's love bombing and how viv didn't mean to get caught up in the vicious cycle of emotional coercion and abuse (as it is never the victim's fault).

and i really like what aimee had to say to viv about love: "love should make you feel braver... it shouldn't be confusing and it shouldn't be scary."

i also love that viv stands up for herself by saying: "i don't wanna hear from you. i don't know what made you like this, and it's probably something really sad, and i hope you seek some therapy, but if you keep trying to contact me, i will report you."

it's such an emotionally mature response. she acknowledges that there is probably a misguided or potentially traumatic reason beau acts they way he does. but that does not excuse the harm he caused. and she makes it clear there is no avenue for repair in this relationship, so he must do the work of healing (if he so chooses) on his own. she will not allow him access to her.

but idk this whole arc seemed rushed and almost just thrown into the season. like trauma for trauma's sake.

and don't get me wrong, i am glad this was portrayed. it helped me and i imagine many other people in similar situations. but i hope to see a depiction of this more fully fleshed out in media in the future.

CAL

i have similar sentiments for cal's (and jackson's) arcs.

showing how trans dysphoria affects mental health and how medical transition is life-saving is super important !! it's not talked about or shown in media enough !!

but omg this sensitive topic was so rushed. and what was the conclusion? did cal get top surgery? did they finally get to experience gender euphoria? did they go to therapy to help them with their suicidal thoughts? we don't know.

JACKSON

i feel like they really should have kept him as a supporting character this season. he really didn't need his own storyline.

he already had a big arc when he self-harmed to get out of swimming. that was really important to see.

but this whole thing with his dad not wanting him seemed so rushed.i feel like there was something there. some message. but it totally fell flat for me. it was confusing and underdeveloped.

i really like his character so it was a little disappointing to see how he was written this season.

---HONORABLE MENTIONS---

AIMEE

i've enjoyed her character throughout the seasons. she's light-hearted, goofy, and a solid friend to maeve.

showing how she has been processing her sexual assault was liberating. i liked how the writers show her process of accepting it, naming it, and finding her power again. she learns how to continue living and loving with, and not despite, it.

ISAAC

i'm glad the show included a visibly disabled character that didn't seem like pandering (since he wasn't just added in last minute).

he's rough and abrasive sometimes. he's a lil bit of an asshole. but he's kind and has a big heart.

i have a soft spot for purposely written annoying disabled/sick characters. yes, you are allowed to not like a disabled/sick person because of their personality. please do. please just treat them like a human (cause god knows you don't like every single human on earth).

JOANNA

even though her character arc could be categorized as one that was rushed and unresolved, i think she brought a little more insight into jean's character which evened things out (for me).

i like how they show her denial of her childhood trauma. like, it's okay to not want to confront it. it makes sense. and if she never wants to, jean will still love her and help her (to a certain extent). but joanna might be able to be happier if she addresses it.

this quote was amazing: "i'm scared that if i stop moving, and start properly talking about what happened, then it might all catch up on me, and i won't be able to pretend that i'm okay anymore."

MAEVE

kinda weird for her to be so low on this list because she's one of the main characters, but idk i think that's okay. she needed to break free from moordale. she gives herself permission to do so once her mom dies and jean steps in to say the thing she needed her mom to say to her. she needs to go back to america to finish her studies, believe in herself, and see how great of a person she is. and that's hers to do, not ours to see.

the only disappointment i have with maeve just not seeing more of her being happy/content on screen. (i know i literally said that could have been the point, but idk it still would have been nice). she has a big heart, is so resilient and smart, and goes through a lot of heartbreak and loss. she deserves happiness!

THE NEWBIES: THE COVEN & O

super psyched we had some trans, disabled, ENM, and ace rep... but it did feel a little pandering ngl

i think what i liked most about these new characters was seeing the different reasons behind abbi's and o's need for control.

like yay! we're showing that queers are unlikable for their personalities (and not for their sexual orientation)! genuinely so happy to see that (for the same reason i like seeing unlikable disabled characters)!

OTIS

oh otis. he was definitely on the backburner this season. and i was fine with that. it seemed natural? idk. i don't really have much to say about him, even though he is the main character lol.

---CONCLUSION---

and there you have it! my take on the last season of sex education. like i said, i think this show did a great job talking about topics that our society deems "taboo." it gave a platform to many different topics, identities, and experiences. it portrayed sensitive topics tactfully and injected humor at the right moments. it wasn't perfect, but what show truly ever is.

if you have anything to add to my review, feel free to comment. just please be nice! these are just my opinions. and i wrote this for fun! thanks!

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greentrickster · 1 year

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Hi!! Just dropping by to say I love your Saturation fic! It’s probably the only AA fic I repeatedly read myself, since I think your writing for the characters is so strong and in-character, and you change details that make sense/fix problematic issues (such as the Trucy panties thing) also it just has the right tone of the AA series. Usually in fanfic people it’s their own writing style, the tone of the media they’re right for can get lost, so I like how you actively try to keep AA’s wacky funny tone while also being heartwarming. It’s just. Great. Makes it really fit you know?

Also!! I find it very cool you made Phoenix and Edgeworth get together during the disbarred era, I haven’t read a large amount of AA fanfic so i don’t know if it’s common for those two to already be in a relationship in other fics, but I think it’s really interesting you made that decision! Not just with AA, in pairing fics you don’t usually have the characters get together until the end since that’s the “goal.” I see very few of fics that actually explore how the relationship changes/morphs when they actually are together. That’s usually just a thing for most couples getting together in media now that I think about it.. You have any thoughts on that?

First off, thank-you so much, I'm both honoured and flattered, thank-you! ^U^ ^///^ Hearing that I've really captured the tone of a setting and its characters always feels wonderful! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I've never seen them get together/be together in the disbarment era during a fic in quite the way I'm doing it - that's honestly a big part of why I am doing it as I am. Like... if AO3's a potluck, then I tend to devour all the yummy stuff everyone else has made, then try and cook any dishes I'm craving but no one else has made myself.

Except in this case I thought I was making a nice spaghetti dinner and discovered too late that I was, in fact, making an entire banquet and also desert.

Such is life.

In regards to Phoenix and Miles getting together and it not being the end of the fic... it could just be me being an aromantic (which I am), but I generally don't find 'they get together and then the story ends' stories very satisfying for long-form stories. Like... I can enjoy it in movies, but once we start getting past the hour and a half mark the snail in my ear shouting "NOW KISS" gets progressively louder.

Also, I just like seeing the post get-together relationship grow and develop! I've been cheering for these characters to become a couple, I want to see them actually get to be a couple, you know? It's more fun that way, a much more satisfying pay-off! And it's fun getting to follow them on their path, see how they relate to each other, how this shifts things in other aspects of their lives - it's really great! One of my favorite manga is called Otomen, it's eighteen volumes long, and the main couple get together for realsies in volume two. It's a series with its flaws, they all are, but dang is it a satisfying read in regards to their relationship and getting to watch these two grow up and grow closer together as they learn more about themselves and each other! This is my jam, I absolutely in no way want to ever date or be in a queer platonic relationship with anyone else (though I do have a BFF whom I love dearly), but I adore reading about other people being in love and enjoying being in love; makes me happy to see happy couples in real life, too!

As to why I personally think mainstream media doesn't tend to do this, honestly? Cowardice. Not because they're afraid to try new things (we've had some awesome shows recently that some fantastic creators have worked so hard to bring us), but because 'will they won't they' story lines historically sell, and sell well, and it's an easy way to get people tuning in week after week. I think a lot of people who call the shots and do the marketing research for shows believe that, if given the satisfaction of seeing their ship get together (or get together and be happy), then they'll stop watching or tuning in, because they've gotten what they wanted and don't need to watch anymore. They're afraid that giving the viewers any lasting satisfaction will cause them to lose interest in a show. I could be wrong, I'm in no ways an expert on this stuff, but this is the general vibe I've gotten over the years.

Anyways, thank-you again, I'm really happy to hear that you're enjoying my fic so much! ^_^ <3

#ask #anon #aa saturation #I am small and full of opinions

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life-as-a-lesbian · 2 years

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So, I’ve discussed some of the homophobia I’ve faced, specifically at the hands of the people who are supposed to love me most. How did I deal with it? How can you?

First, you have to do what’s best for YOU. Your circumstances are not going to be the same as mine have been, so your response will not be the same as mine and that’s okay. Do what feels best for you. Here are some of the things that worked for me.

1) Finding an outside support system.

I knew my parents weren’t going to be supportive of my questioning or when I came out, but I knew I needed someone to support me. We aren’t islands, we need people. While some may have other family members to turn to, or maybe only have one non-supportive parents, I chose to turn to my friends. I had known all of them were supportive of the LGBTQ community since they were a part of it, or because of previous conversations we had, so I knew I was safe going to them. Their love and acceptance helped me to love and accept myself.

2) Avoiding unnecessary discussions

I don’t hide who I am, but I have found that it takes significantly too much energy to try to explain who I am and who I like to every single person in my life, especially those who I know won’t be supportive. I don’t come out to people who I don’t care to. I don’t talk to my parents about dating unless they ask. I let my grandma ask me about who I’m going out with and just tell her “I’m not interested in dating boys”. She, of course, assumes this means I’m not interested in dating at all and I don’t bother explaining to her that is not what I mean.

3) Only associating with supportive people (when possible)

While I currently have great friends, I am a college student and so I am always meeting new people and making new friends. Before I will call myself a friend to someone though, I make sure they support the LGBTQ community. Most of the time I’m bold enough to just tell people I’m a lesbian and see how they react, but when I’m not I have some other ways of gauging support. I will ask about a show or book with gay characters if I really can’t guess how they’ll respond, usually homophobic people will recoil at the mention of gay media, like it’s some kind of plague. If I’m still concerned after the media conversation and I’m not comfortable telling them my identity, I will start a political conversation by simply providing a fact and asking their thoughts. For example, “did you see the house passed the bill that would codify gay marriage? Do you think it’ll pass the senate?”. Again, homophobic people usually out themselves here with a “I hope not”. I won’t bring people into my life if they aren’t accepting. Obviously, some of the people in my life aren’t supportive and I can’t remove them from my circle completely, at least not yet, but I can keep them in an outer circle and minimize my time spent and discussions with them.

4) Following LGBTQ influencers and consuming queer media

Finding LGBTQ representation can be difficult, but it’s getting much easier. Watching things with gay characters and following gay influencers has really helped me to feel like I’m a part of a bigger community and that we can truly find joy, despite the people who try to keep us from doing so.

5) Being a part of a bigger community

Joining the GSA group at my school has really helped me deal with homophobia and accepting myself. It has given me a safe place with wonderful people who are always happy to listen to me vent or give me advice. It has also allowed me to make real life queer friends. This tumblr page has also given me a sense of community. Being able to share my experiences with people who’ve been through some of the same stuff I have is a wonderful experience.

6) Building and practicing confidence

Being confident, especially when people are trying to make you falter, is difficult. But it is incredibly important. The best way I’ve built and practice confidence is to remind myself exactly who I am. No one knows me like I know me, so it doesn’t matter what anyone says about me; I know my truth. I do this by validating my experiences and my feelings, standing up for myself and I act confident, even when I’m not; fake it til you make it.

7) Therapy

Most of these things that I’ve learned to do to help and accept myself, I learned from therapy. Whether that be by going to sessions, reading books, or listening to podcasts by therapists, the knowledge I’ve gained is invaluable. I encourage everyone who has the means to see a therapist, no matter their identity, struggles, or mental health. For those who don’t have the means to see a therapist, I recommend listening to podcasts on Spotify or whatever you stream music on and checking out books from your local library.

How do you handle homophobia? How are you learning to accept yourself? Do you have any podcast or book recommendations?

Comment down below!

#gaylife #girls who like girls #lgbtpeople #lgbtq community #lgbtqa #lgbtqplus #wlw community #wlw pride #coming out #lgbt representation #loveislove #life as a lesbian #self accepectance #confidence #pride #wlw post #lgbtq story

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ionlytalktodogs · 2 years

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Okay look I’m kinda young, right. Probably too young to be making this post. But what you might not know is I came out a solid 7 years ago. And holy shit was it a different landscape then than it is now. Maybe not as different as it was 10 or 20 years ago but it was different.

As a dumbass 10 year old all I could think was who would care that I’m gay! It’s not important! Everyone I love will still like me for who I am, even if they don’t support queer people :)

Oh how I was wrong.

I’ve spent 7 long years internally shaking and slapping my younger self saying “WHY DIDN’T YOU WAIT YOU ASSHOLE” because 10 was? Too young to come out. For where I was in life. I was already dealing with a whole host of problems (mental illness, especially severe anxiety causing me to have trouble leaving the house, as just an example) and when I came out it got way. WAY. Worse.

All my friends left. They isolated me from other kids. Told all the kids I knew that I was a homo freak and to stay away from me or else I’d hit on them (yes even the boys, they didn’t really understand what being a lesbian was ngl). My parents were disgusted. My older brother, who had previously been my best friend for my whole life, refused to be in the same room with me because I’m a “pervert” and a “freak.” My dad stopped talking to me altogether for a while.

Suddenly everyone I thought I had left.

Every avenue I had was…closed. There were no youth groups in my area, no QSA, nothing. Representation in media? HA. As if.

I had three people who supported me: my grandparents and my girlfriend (who went on to…kind of traumatize me but that’s another story). And still my mom wouldn’t let me explicitly talk to my grandparents about being queer. We had to dance around the subject. They gave me books about queer characters and told me to hide them. All the books were dense 400+ page novels about gay men, near impossible for me to read with my ADHD and dyslexia.

I had…no one. And the worst part? Everything got a million times harder when I came out as nonbinary. There was even less for nonbinary people. Once I aged into high school I finally got the ability to go to a QSA………only to be met with extremely transphobic LGB people. I finally met another queer person (other than my ex). She immediately told me that trans people are “traitors to the community.”

What I’m trying to say is…not a lot of stuff makes me cry…but the representation I’ve been seeing lately in cartoons? In cartoons that are accessible to KIDS? That makes me cry. She-ra and the Owl House and all of that. That makes me scream and sob. Because I would’ve benefited SO much from that as a kid. I cried myself to sleep every night dreaming of a day when we had that. I was exposed to so much completely inappropriate shit as a kid because I was so desperate for representation and the only representation that existed for people like me was…well you know.

I’m just so glad that these younger LGBTQ+ people get to…have that representation. I can’t stop thinking about kids like me, who don’t have support in their real life, getting to read things like the Tea Dragon Society and Heartstopper. And I’m so. SO FUCKING HAPPY. That they get that. I can’t explain how special it is to me that younger people get to have this representation I can’t explain it. I pleaded every day for this future. And it’s here.

#happy pride #be loud and proud #and for the record #my parents have come around #my mom got me a cake to celebrate that I’m gay last year #my dad is taking me to some pride events this year #my brother is still an asshole but whatever lol #sometimes people…do come around #I really never EVER thought they would. but they did!#just like…five years after when I needed their support…lol #pride #lgbt #lgbtq #pride month #my ramblings

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tiredf-o-u-r · 1 year

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So if we never got a model for positive straight relationships, what about gay ones? Diary time girlies ✨ I need to process

I’ve been trying to remember the first real gay couple I became aware of. Like long term partners…I can only think of Ellen which I never really knew much about and still don’t, or what, Dan and Phil? What did that and goddamn supernatural teach me, that gay love is something you hope and pine for but never comes to fruition? Right like I guess that whole shipping and fangirl culture probably impacted how I see relationships huh. And those relationships were all insane man it was all like teenage girls shipping men acquaintances and them leaning into it more than they ever would because wtf do you do in that situation. And then the fanfiction would be some psychotic codependent shit. Just cause like the poor whatever year old that wrote it was in just as deep shit. So if reality was straight people suck and then the dream is gays being psychologically torturous no freaking wonder I am where I am now.

So yeah I’m thinking the roster of gay relationships was like whatever parasocial nightmare dan and phil lived through, I guess like Hannah hart and Joey graceffa’s era of YouTubers like as they came out they tried to be positive. I don’t really remember any of their relationships or Tyler or anything…and I don’t even wanna talk about Shane. Who else… then the band ships I guess were more like they were really in love but it was society or outside things that got in the way. So that’s a bit of a bummer as well. That shit went so hard omg man. That’s definitely fresher in my mind, it hurts my heart to think about reading it and relating to it. Omfg remember killing stalking THAT was Different. And the IT comic that was insane tentacle porn shit. I wonder if one presents those things to someone in an attempt to repel them. Is that possible? That like I only liked all the gross violent shit because of what was happening? Real life so lit the media had to be insane to be satisfying? Or genuinely trying to disgust the straight girl? Was that my revenge? Did it work? I guess a reaction was something. It must have been during the same time, now that I really think about it. I’ll hide this here that I just witnessed someone on the internet experience happiness and I’m dead faced several feet away arms crossed watching the people gather around and celebrate. I don’t relate to you anymore…at least not now, we gotta wrap it up if y’all gonna be happy. I don’t like happy people I don’t like sad people bro you need a THERAPIST. I’m just escaping what a human did. Anyway. Who else. Did I know that one teacher was gay? Well whenever I found out that dude was serving playing straight isn’t that fucking crazy. Man he really said to us that he had a girlfriend :( that’s actually so sad in hindsight. Cause it was weird to us anyway, literally every teacher we had had at that point was in a devoted Christian marriage, thank you very much. So adult long term gf was like uh okay heretic like I at least definitely didn’t pick up on the girlfriend being an alibi. Bro that was prolly his sister or some shit I don’t remember if he ever showed us pictures and of course it could’ve been a real relationship but if I met him now… I would be surprised to hear him mention a woman, stereotypically. Around that time I had a dream that we had a substitute teacher that had visible tattoos and I was like why is this happening is that allowed why is no one breaking the door down. I wonder if that was connected to anything. I had two good English teachers in a row, and I guess they were both good like connected with me and writing and stuff. Pfft. The teachers said we like you when you’re being anybody else. If you can make us some other shit that’s not here and now we’ll like that otherwise fuck off alright kiddo. That’s actually so funny. Writing a character:we love her! But not so much when they turn out queer huh. Then it’s a handful huh. Thinking about that time and high school, I’m really sitting here like, being transgender is like so fucking something psychological about the experience. I mean everyone being fine, but literally being trapped in a body that’s progressively every day turning on you. And everyone is complaining about the same thing, so what the fuck is wrong with you that you’re making such a big deal about it, right? Nobody likes misogyny, get over it and be a feminist like the rest of us, right? Bro I also just found out about the theory that early childhood trauma causes like a spike in cortisol generally right and that causes a spike in hormones generally and that is why those kids are like early developers grow up fast. Isn’t that sinister. Oh, you’ve experienced the horrors of adulthood? Now you get to look like one too. And now that you’re aware of some truths we’re gonna expect you to be as responsible as an adult but you have the agency of a CHILD. And the rest of the facts of life, oh and especially the stuff that makes life worth living like pleasure and happiness and contentment with one’s self,

They made sure to never talk about any of that stuff. Friendships relationships. Just figure it out! It’s fine! Nothing bad ever happens! I mean what the fuck. So you get to know the bullshit because there’s nothing we can do about it so the things that we could control, let’s hold onto that as tightly as possible, just go with whatever everyone else is doing, because we might as well right? No we don’t need to sit down and assign time to sit down and ponder and think about it and really really consider what was happening? Is that it?

Imagine if they could have been like…yeah the world is fucked up and it isn’t fair that you’re in on it but I dunno here are some good fucking things? Besides playing the goddamn piano? Besides getting a husband and having kids? Those were the pay offs I had to look forward to. No wonder I wanted to exit. That sounds horrible. That’s not real. That’s not reality. They misled me. If I’m sitting here saying the truth is something that is at odds with what’s been fundamentally installed in my psyche, then someone had to fucking install it, okay? They just lied to me. That is lying. They lied about what life was like? I dunno. I’m sure they tried and all but none of that mattered to me. I was being betrayed every day. That’s inSANE bro. I don’t want to be here. It’s eerie. I was always so right. And you know what else! I fucking figured it out! I still cracked the code motherfuckers! Gotcha! You can’t stop the gay from taking root! I heard fall out boy and it was over. I typed enter on my first tumblr username and it was different from then on, I had a chance to find out some thing ANYTHING else. So I guess landing on surface level 2010s edgy into gay internet meme culture YouTube bullshit is a relatively logical place to end up.

I just really listened to XO and heard the lyrics and I feel so viscerally emotionally heartsick right now I am so fucked up on this Pete. I need to wrap this up. Love never wanted me, but I took it anyway. Holy fucking shit. I’m not the same fnfndnenenbfuckingperson anymore. I’m not. That’s so fucking relieving. I never was that person. I guess I never really was that person, who betrayed himself. There’s that.

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olderthannetfic · 2 years

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Okay uh. I'm not starting discourse here, I'm not even sure what I'm fully asking here but

You know that post that went around tumblr that was a picture of some kinksters at pride and also there were kids around. And people were like 'no kink at pride' and debates ranged from 'well pride used to be a protest i.e. not safe for kids' all the way to 'well pride should be accessible to kids too' to 'well the leather community has always been part of the queer community, we're not gonna kick them out' to 'but not everyone in a public space can't consent to be part of the scene'

And now I see a debates about how 'ahegao faces are very sexual and you shouldn't wear like a t shirt with such a print in public' to 'well don't police people for what they're wearing you can't stop them' to idk like violent threats against people wearing something like that because it makes other people uncomfortable. And like the other day i wanted to just watch a cute bubble tea video and in the background a stark contrast to the video the sugar jars also had ahegao faces and I was so stunned I literally don't remember the rest of the video.

And I'm sorry but I am just. So genuinely confused. I'm very much a well why is it any of my business what other people do or wear person. But the debate between does this make someone uncomfortable or is this a genuine trigger or is this appropriate while in public is actively confusing me especially because I find myself agreeing with both sides but i never find a concrete answer?? Like would seeing an ahegao face in public make me very uncomfortable? Yes. Would i say something to the person? No I'll just remove myself from the situation. Should someone still talk to this person about what is appropriate or not in public? Yes. Will i personally threaten them for it? fuck no.

But i just see people taking such a black and white stance, and this is also something you see in fandom and people behind their anonymity feel so comfortable threatening violence when they see dark content. And its like. Is fan stuff a publicly enjoyed thing or is it private? Is anoymous social media somehow for public viewing now where you post what you're for and against when it used to be a dumb private thing? I still don't know what I'm fully asking but like. I just want someone I think can provide me with a clearer trajectory to understand this stuff

LOL. Ah yes, that extremely fair and balanced kink at pride discourse.

As I recall, at least one of the pics circulated that way was from the Folsom Street Fair, which is a leather event that is explicitly about kink. Some of the more out-there stuff is, in fact, in spaces they keep kids out of.

Those posts are often explicitly lying about the contexts of the photos in order to stir outrage on Tumblr and sway the young queer kids to an anti-kink radfem position. They're propaganda that Tumblr is happy to lap up.

I rarely go to parade type events these days because I'm short and hate sunlight and crowds, but the bay area is where I grew up as a young, kinky queer in the 90s.

The first thing I'll say is that most of Tumblr also doesn't leave the house and certainly doesn't live here, so they can shut the fuck up about my pride events.

The corporate takeover of Pride is obnoxious and a real issue that people in the community—the offline community—discuss a lot. A lot of the "nothing too weird" energy is coming from that corporatization. Sanitizing everything for toddlers is a relatively new phenomenon. "LOLOL, breeders!" was still a pretty common sentiment from a lot of gay dudes when I was a teenager.

Pride is for adults.

If it's also open to families and teens and whatever, that's cool, but it's inappropriate to ask adults to not have an adult life. You're only a teen for a few years. You're an adult for the whole rest of your life.

But the debate between does this make someone uncomfortable or is this a genuine trigger or is this appropriate while in public is actively confusing me especially because I find myself agreeing with both sides but i never find a concrete answer??

There are no concrete answers other than that a trigger is one's own business and has zero effect on whether other people are allowed to do a thing in public.

Something can be inappropriate without being banned, and there are many competing attitudes about what is appropriate in public.

Ahegao shirts are so unbelievably cringe. Seriously, people? Seriously?

But unless you're catering a kid's birthday party or something, they're not really different from those naughty stick figure shirts that used to be in vogue:

I'm a lot more disturbed by seeing a fucking confederate flag on shit, but it's still legal to go out in public in white supremacy gear, at least in the United States.

The actual situation is that people have competing needs for what Pride should be and these needs cannot all be satisfied. Some of them are in direct opposition.

Tumblr wants there to be a 'for everyone' solution and there is not. For pride to be its current, corporate, sanitized version that is more comfortable for sex-phobic people and more accessible to randos watching it on TV, old Pride that was welcoming to the freaks who built it had to die.

There are also radically different attitudes about what's appropriate in public, and we'll never reconcile them all. People are sometimes shocked if I swear or talk about sex while having lunch with friends. As long as I'm not bellowing, my attitude is that you can keep your damn kids from eavesdropping, or you can deal. I'm not going to never again be myself in public.

But as for the specific case of kink at pride Tumblr discourse, it's mostly out-of-context photos and radfems lying about shit.

When Pride events started, drag was considered sexually deviant. It was kink all by itself. Most of what people are doing at major Pride parades is wearing fetish gear like it's fashion—a thing that has been common among non-kinksters since the 1980s.

Treating that as "sexualizing Pride" is like saying that being gay in public is inherently sexual.

However, my queerness is sexual. I'm happy to welcome asexuals to the queer community. I'm not happy to have my sexuality offensively erased by a bunch of Tumblr Karens. Pride has always been sexual.

That said, the sex acts in public type photos are from controlled spaces at kink events, misused to cause maximum outrage.

And its like. Is fan stuff a publicly enjoyed thing or is it private? Is anoymous social media somehow for public viewing now where you post what you're for and against when it used to be a dumb private thing?

You're a kid for five minutes. You're an adult for the rest of your life.

Fan stuff isn't private. It's just default for adults.

(Yes, even you 22-year-old adults getting out of college, reading only New Adult books, and pretending you're still kids.)

If someone doesn't like seeing certain content, they can block the people who post it. They don't get to tell the rest of the adults to make the internet a playground for five-year-olds.

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casualmaraudering · 4 years

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Youtuber Sirius AU

yes i’m making a post about a yt au in the year of the lord 2020 get over it

sirius’s channel is pretty varied - he posts with no particular schedule, or theme, he just. posts whatever he wants

there’s gaming videos. there’s just chatting about stuff. song covers - electric guitar, piano, or singing. but he also does a little bit of cinematography sometimes, or live streams where he composes songs

titles including: “why is Mr Darcy the perfect man” (which is 47 minutes long btw), “properly caring for a motorbike engine (tips)”, “beach trip + getting terribly sunburnt (no, i’m not actually a vampire)” “pranking my flatmate pt 39”

james features on his channel quite a lot, usually as a victim of pranks or someone to play games with

he gets famous cause his videos are so chill, and often super funny, not to mention he has a fucking fantastic voice and his covers are some of his most viewed videos on his channel. and welp. he is good looking

known as the eye candy of youtube pretty much

he’s got a wide fanbase and a huge instagram following, got quite a few interviews on TV and even a magazine cover

he didn’t expect to be famous, especially since he did it just cause he was bored, as a hobby more than anything, but hey, he has a great community and it works out fantastic tbh. the money is a plus, yes, but he already had a very cushy life cause of inheritance, so he donates most -if not all - of his yt income

remus isn’t famous at all. he's a student who works at a bookstore. he’s very much a Normal Person TM

he has the biggest fucking celebrity crush on sirius which is real unfortunate cause sirius has like 30mil subscribers and is pretty much a model on ig. and remus. remus is remus

he stumbled on one of his videos by accident. and sirius was gorgeous and funny and talented. and then he binged his whole channel. and the crush hit so hard

they get together somehow i don’t know, i didn’t plan out this post too much don’t judge me, but it probably involves remus freaking the fuck out about it a lot

sirius has always been pretty nonchalant about his sexuality but when he finally makes a video about it - titled “yes i really am gay it’s not just for a twitter meme” - it’s actually a rather serious video (aside some jokes) cause he wants to be a good role model for the younger queer boys that might be watching him

when they start dating, he doesn’t mention remus that much, but he does mention A Boyfriend, and his fans pick up on that quick cause hello, that’s new

remus’s guilty pleasure is scrolling through social media and seeing memes/posts about the mystery boyfriend and how whipped sirius seems

at first, remus doesn’t appear in sirius’s videos at all, for like a good couple months

when he does start appearing, at first it’s through comments off camera - it’s also when the people learn his name

cue fanmade videos like “remus bullying sirius for 29 minutes”, “remus being sassy (compliation)” or “sirius being gay for remus part 1/2347823432″

which just get better when remus finally does agree to be on camera

“compilation of remus looking at sirius like he’s the dumbest being on earth” “sirius hearteyes black” “remus being relatable for 12 minutes and 29 seconds”

sirius loves posting photos of them being cute together just because he loves his boyfriend okay? usually they involve remus hiding his face cause he’s insecure, but that’s so adorable sirius can’t be mad

sirius starts posting an awful lot of love song covers

honestly sirius probably reads fics of them for the laughs (and sometimes sends remus the hilariously bad ones so they can laugh together)

sirius saves every fanart he sees of himself and remus or just of remus. he has to

people go badshit when sirius posts an engagement photo and sirius is so fucking happy that he gets to just gush about his fiance on twitter as if he’s a schoolboy

like honestly. sirius’s twitter? remus. so much gushing about remus

their wedding video is the most viewed video of the year, and one of the most viewed videos of all times

remus ends up tweeting like “funny how five years ago i had a celebrity crush on that one hot youtuber and yesterday i married him” he’s living the dream tbh

sirius has fucking field day with domestic videos: “giving my husband cooking instructions except i only speak french (spoiler: it’s a mess)”, “mario kart with my husband” “reacting to memes of me and my husband”

a couple months after they’re married sirius has a chill live stream where all he does is literally just. talk about remus and how fucking happy he is in his life. it’s so gay. and so wholesome

there’s an ongoing meme within the community that everyone likes remus more than sirius. sirius runs with it and loves it cause he loves people raising his baby’s confidence. generally posts about remus? 10/10, reblog/retweet, saves them, sirius is his no.1 stan

there’s people hating on them, of course. people who shipped sirius with james. homophobes. people who are just jealous of remus. at first that hits remus a lot, like, he’s not used to getting hate DMs, so that sucks extra hard. but sirius always tries his best to cheer him up and hey, it doesn’t matter what the people say, cause sirius would drop his career immediately if remus as much as asked

another fandom favourite meme: sirius being a simp for remus. sirius never denies it

#i don't know what this is but here sdfjkdsfs #wolfstar #sirius black #remus lupin #my tag #headcanon tag #au tag #is this post coherent??? probably not. but im tired #i almost threw my deaf or trans remus in there but i tried to keep it fairly general dfhds

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staribon · 2 years

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Everyone has the right to their own opinion for sure but since i’m seeing so many people hating on and bashing Heartstopper lately now that it's a live action Netflix show and really in the public eye there’s so much stuff I see these people refuse to acknowledge about it before going online and being so negative about it without even watching it or reading the source material.

I for one am so so glad to see something like this become mainstream and popular. Like this is a show that gets actual young adult/teen actors to play teenagers AND gets real POC to play roles written for POC AND actual trans actors to play trans characters. That alone is actually pretty monumental and reason enough to support it even if it’s not your thing because if we don’t ensure that it does well these corporations won’t greenlight stuff like this anymore and we’ll have even less representation.

It’s also really really amazing for a smaller content creator and not some big wig executive to be getting the chance to tell a story on a platform that can reach a lot of people! Again it’s important to support things like this! Support stuff made by small creators support artists who are queer and POC!

Unfortunately, not every single piece of media was made to specifically cater to your life experiences. For me as a queer POC I relate to both the comic and the show a lot. To see people hating the show so much and calling it corporate, unfeeling, and unrealistic or whatever is so invalidating to my own experiences considering… I relate to it!! Like are my experiences any less valid than yours because I relate to and enjoy a light hearted Netflix show?

I also feel like a lot of people are either not researching or forgetting that the original comic is literally made by an aroace nonbinary writer/artist, Alice Oseman, and that they were very involved in the creation for the show. Don’t we want these opportunities for creators? Personally, I don't feel that anyone has the right to say something has no value representation wise when it's literally made by someone who is in the community they seek to represent. Not that you can't critique content made by queer people about being queer (or poc content made for poc people for that matter) or dislike it, of course you can and should, but this "all or nothing" mentality the internet seems to have developed in regards to rep is so frustrating to see. Not all rep is good rep to me sure but with Heartstopper it's literally just... what too happy and silly? Literally what is wrong with that?

I think our community has enough sad depressing media and enough stories telling us we're going to die in the end and enough stories telling us we only exist to be comic relief for haha funny jokes or to be fetishized through bizzare sex scenes. Like the fact we even have a silly romcom for teens is such a good step forward. I know Heartstopper isn't the pinnacle of gay rep, but nothing ever will be!! Nothing is ever going to be perfect with absolutely no problems or things to improve on nor is any piece of media going to be able to encompass every single queer experience on the planet. I just think it's unfair to write off a piece of media written from a genuine place of love and care made by someone IN the community for reasons like that. We can just appreciate it for what it is. Holding it to such high standards as if it's claiming to be some cinematic masterpiece makes no sense when that’s not at all what it’s trying to be. Having a few cute stories isn't hurting anyone. Just because you personally can't see yourself in something doesn't mean other people can't. Shouldn't you be glad kids are seeing themselves in the show even if you can’t...?

Like idk maybe let people enjoy something happy and low stakes for once (not that the show doesn’t have its fair share of teen drama). If you hate Heartstopper that's fine but literally why go online and complain about it and make people feel like they don't belong in the community because you don't like it or relate to it yourself? Literally just don't watch it, block the tags, and unfollow people so you don't have to see it?

Maybe just ask yourself if you’re really angry at this little show about gay teenagers coming of age or if you’re actually angry at society for creating a system that erases our voices so much that we only have a fraction of the variety of content cishet people get and thereby there’s nothing custom made for you. 🤷

#ig this is kinda a rant sorry to my small following im just rly annoyedSDJJKASKJDSAJ #heartstopper #staritxt

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softtransbf · 3 years

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Mister Nice Guy, part 2

part one

Summary: Shit hits the fan, and the rest of the BAU is done with it.

Word Count: 3523

Reader: he/him trans man, no physical description

Warnings: case involving targeting gay people, brief mention of a child abduction case, coming out/anxiety of experiencing transphobia (no actual transphobia though), alcohol, swearing

@aleccolocco (sorry it took so long to finish lol)

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"No, that doesn't make any sense at all, doctor!" you spat his title. "He's not jealous of these couples, killing what he can't have, or a homophobe, punishing gay people for being happy. He's putting an end to their unhappy relationships. He sees it as mercy." Over the months, your cold war with Reid turned into outright conflict, and tonight, alone in the police station in Oregon, was no exception. Hotchner had tasked the two of you with presenting the preliminary profile the next morning, and it was going as well as conversations ever went.

"We have no evidence that he knows they're unhappy, though. All of his victims are clearly happy in their relationships," Reid challenged.

You rolled your eyes and scoffed. "Please. One look at their social media and it's obvious that the relationships are on the rocks."

"Where do you get that? All I see are typical happy relationships. Selfies, checking into special events together, posts about kind things one does for the other. Nothing indicating a troubled relationship to me."

"The gentlemen doth protest too much. They're painting an overly happy painting on social media, hoping that some of that happiness will actually become real. They're desperate for the relationship to work."

"Let's say you're right. I don't think you are, but let's pretend for the sake of trying to see your logic through. Why? Why would they be so desperate to save a failing relationship?"

"God, straight men just don't fucking get it!" You went to grab a file, missing his small flinch. "You don't understand how limited the dating pool for men who are into men is. Look at the most recent couple in particular. The most lovey-dovey on social media, and got the most brutal deaths."

"Yes, because they were the happiest. My theory holds," Reid interrupted.

"No. Look, this guy put way more out there on social media than his partner, and look at the pictures he posted. Look how forced his smile is, look at the body language. He needs this relationship to work, because dating as a gay man is one thing, dating as a gay trans man is almost impossible. Having to start over and deal with transphobia over and over again is worse than being in a bad relationship. In his eyes, I mean." Shit, the first person I come out to on this team cannot be Spencer fucking Reid. He doesn't deserve the honor.

"That was yesterday. We haven't gotten the autopsy report yet. How could you possibly know that he's trans?"

"Testosterone vials and needles in the bathroom. Neither of them are old enough for a cis man to reasonably have issues that require testosterone injections. It's HRT, hormone replacement therapy."

"Even if you're right, your conclusion still seems like a much bigger jump than mine, that the killer sees the relationships as happy and is lashing out at that, be it from jealousy or homophobia."

"Whatever. You'll see tomorrow, when we talk to the M.E., that he was trans, and that fact backs me up. I am absolutely right about this, and you will eat your words. Then I will present my theory, and you can choke on yours."

"We? You anticipate us spending more time together?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I meant 'we' as in the team, asshat. The world doesn't revolve around you. Mine sure as hell doesn't. I'm gonna go back to the hotel, write my own damn preliminary profile, and try to get some fucking sleep. Clearly we won't agree on this."

"We don't ever agree on anything," he pointed out.

"Not true. We agree that we dislike each other and can't get along. Good night, doctor." You turned and walked away, not giving him a chance to respond.

This man is going to be the death of me, he thought as he watched you walk away.

The autopsy report came in the next day, and you were right. The tech team also found a locked notes app on his phone that catalogued his unhappiness and fear of leaving. You presented your preliminary profile to the team. Reid didn't even argue; he just sat in silence, leaving the room as soon as you were finished. Never one to pass up a chance to gloat for beating him, you offered to get coffee for the team, got everyone's order, and left shortly behind him.

You were expecting to catch up to him, his impossibly long legs be damned. You weren't expecting him to be waiting for you. He pulled you into an empty interrogation room and pushed you up against a wall, his face just inches from yours. It was only a moment before being flustered by the closeness and those goddamn eyes were replaced by anger.

"What the FUCK, Reid?"

"What game are you playing, Y/N? What game are we playing? What's your endgame?" He spoke quickly and softly, but there was an intensity in his voice that had you captivated.

"I'm the one playing games?" You pushed him back, away from you. "You're the one who decided to hate me before we even met. When I transferred, all I wanted was to do a good job and fit in with the team. But quite literally from the minute I walked through the door, you'd decided you hate me. Turnabout is just fair play, gorgeous." Oh, fuck.

"Gorgeous?" You walked past him to the other side of the room, running a hand through your hair and turning your back on him. "Fine. Yeah, okay? I wanted approval from the brilliant and handsome Doctor Spencer Reid. In a way that's respectful of your heterosexuality, of course." You turned around and faced him again. "But that doesn't matter, because you made it clear you wanted nothing to do with me right off the bat."

"What makes you think I'm straight?" He's fucking with me, now that that cat is out of the bag. Great. Fucking cishet men. Even he's no different. Thank god he still thinks I'm cis.

"Garcia mentioned in her newbie-run-down that you're 'awkward, but in a cute way, especially around women'. Plus, she mentioned that Emily is bi, leaving everyone else implied straight as even the best cishet allies are wont to do. And as we both know, Penelope knows everything.

And before you make the hearsay argument I can see forming in that brilliant head of yours, I've heard and seen too much about your impeccable memory to assume you don't remember when we all went to the bar after my first case. I was unabashedly Queer, friendly flirting with Derek and calling out cishet bullshit. When I did the latter, you literally rolled your eyes and walked away. Which is, funnily enough, some cishet bullshit.

JJ said you were just going through a thing and things would get better, but they just got worse. I'm not going to ask you to spill whatever was going on, because it's not my business, but god damn, dude. Why did you hate me so much so quickly?"

"You asked JJ about me?" He took a few steps towards you, a small smile on his face.

"That's the part you focused on? Jesus fucking Christ. Yes, I asked her about why you decided to hate me before we even met. Whatever. I hope you got whatever you were looking for by pulling me in here. I'm done. Done with this conversation, done with whatever has been going on with you and us since the day I transferred." You turned to leave, but he grabbed your arm. It was barely more than a light touch, but you let it stop you.

"Y/N. I can't-" he sighed. "God, you make my head spin. I can't organize my thoughts enough to say what I want to. JJ was right, there was something I had to work through, and I guess you'd made up your mind about me before I figured it out. It isn't an excuse for how I treated you, just an explanation. As for the more recent development of arguments… I guess I read a subtext that wasn't there. I could never dislike you, let alone hate you. I am truly sorry for- for all of it." With three long strides, he was out the door.

Make his head spin? What subtext? Since when is he unable to say what's on his mind? And what was that about not disliking me? All we've done since we met is argue or ignore each other. Why else would he act like that? Why do I even care? Why am I so knotted up about what he's thinking and feeling? Whatever. Fuck him, and not in the fun way. I've gotta go get coffee for the team. As you were getting the coffee, you couldn't get the memory of his face, so close to yours, to stop playing in your head.

The rest of the case was mostly as normal, but there was an energy between you and Spencer that was distant like when you joined the team, but there was something else to it that you couldn't quite put your finger on. It made you a little bit sad, though, for reasons you didn't understand.

"I love you, Y/N. I love you so much. I pulled away from you because it terrified me how much I loved you from the moment you walked through the door that first day. Being around you, even when we were arguing, made me feel alive in a way I never had before. You're all I think about, you're all I could ever want. I love you."

"I… I love you too." You didn't know which one of you moved, maybe you both did, but in an instant, you were kissing Spencer Reid, and you couldn't have been happier.

You woke up with a start, breathing heavily. You looked around; you were in your room, home alone, and it was 3:37 am. What the hell was that?

Four hours later, you trudged through the door of the BAU office, venti red-eye in hand. You made it about ten steps before Derek had his arm around your shoulders.

"Whoa there, hot stuff. Rough night?" You tried to shake him off, but he wouldn't budge, so you just kept walking, making him go with you towards your desk.

"So not your business, Derek. You being open with your personal life doesn't mean we all have to be open like that with ours."

"Personal life, huh? So who is he? More importantly, how was he, and should we expect more mornings like this in the future?" You rolled your eyes and playfully shoved him away. You'd reached your desk, so you sat on top of it, facing him. As you did, you made eye contact with Spencer, who was well within earshot. His face was unreadable, and you weren't sure why him hearing Morgan tease you like that upset you. It never had before.

"No, Derek. There's no one. Just some nightmares. Nothing major; I'll be fine by tomorrow." You got off your desk, sat in your chair, and logged into your laptop. Derek whistled and walked away without another word, shaking his head.

You tried to focus on the paperwork you needed to get done, but you couldn't stop thinking about that dream. The feeling of his lips on yours… it felt so real.

This is ridiculous. Love? We don't even like each other. Well… there was the stuff he was saying yesterday- 'I could never dislike you, let alone hate you', and some sort of subtext? But not disliking someone is a far cry from love. Plus, he's straight, so this is all absurd. And even if he DID have feelings for me, I sure as hell don't return them. I mean, maybe he's not as awful as I've thought, especially if he wasn't coming from a place of dislike. And he really is very pretty. Those eyes… Wait, what the fuck? This is all fucking ridiculous. I just need to get a full night's sleep tomorrow, and all this weirdness will be gone.

You took a giant gulp of your coffee, shook your head, and ran your fingers through your hair. Fortunately, Hotchner called a team meeting, forcing your attention to other things.

While no case could ever be described as 'normal', this case was pretty cut and dry, once you figured out what you were looking for. No dramatic twist, no tense showdown at his arrest. There weren't many cases like that, but you were very glad that this one was. You never sleep well when on a case, and no matter what you did, you couldn't shake that dream, the butterflies it left in your stomach every time you looked at him, and the strange disappointment when, unlike before that moment in Oregon, he wasn't looking at you.

Two more weeks passed. The energy between you and Spencer, whatever force it was that had drawn you together to argue again and again, was gone. You were polite to each other, and cooperated as necessary, but didn't do more than the bare minimum when it came to interacting with each other. Your interactions were cold and low-spirited. So you were so glad for a fun night out with Penelope, Emily, and JJ.

"So, Y/N, things seem… different… between you and Spencer these days. Did something happen?" Emily's tone made it clear that the three of them had intended to bring this up long before the plan to get drinks was even made. "I appreciate y'all waiting until I had a couple of drinks in me at least before going here. I guess we just got tired of fighting? I don't know. I can't figure out what's going on in that brilliant head of his. I thought I at least knew where I stood with him, even though it was purely adversarial, but I think I was wrong. But then that leaves me with no idea what he thinks of me or why I care so damn much."

"Really? No idea at all?" JJ asked. "I remember walking by a closed door in the police station in Oregon and hearing the word 'gorgeous' being thrown around." "Oh my god. You heard that?" You buried your face in your hands, and they all laughed.

"Yeah, I did, but only that one word. I'd figured you were on the phone with someone, but then you and Spence both started acting sad. I wasn't sure, of course, that you were talking to him until just now."

"Fuck. Okay, yeah. I think he's pretty. But I'm absolutely not alone in that. Derek calls him Pretty Boy, for goodness' sake. Appreciating someone's beauty doesn't have to mean anything more."

"Y/N, really? After everything we've been through together, you're gonna lie to us like this? Whatever happened, you've both been miserable since, and it's throwing the whole team off balance."

"What do you want me to say, Penelope? That I'm in love with him? He's pretentious and a know-it-all and a nerd and funny and kind and gorgeous and oh my God. I think I'm in love with him." The three women clapped and cheered.

"Finally, you get there! Took you long enough." Emily winked. "So, what's the plan now?"

"Keep this shit between us until my feelings go away. Even if he wasn't straight, I wouldn't risk fucking things up by telling him how I felt. As it is, I stand no chance in hell, so I'm just gonna write this one off as another straight guy I've fallen for and try to move on."

"Y/N, if you tell him-" Penelope started.

"No. You, more than anyone, know why I can't even entertain the idea of trying to be with him. I can't set myself up for that kind of pain. Not here, not where things are so good." You looked at all three of them. "I know that your intentions were good, but I just can't do this. I'm sorry." You grabbed your coat and left.

Your interactions with Spencer changed yet again. Now that you knew you loved him, you couldn't help yourself from being warmer towards him. As the weeks passed, you got closer. After three weeks, you considered him to be a good friend, not that that made things any less painful. You were just hoping that Penelope, Emily, and JJ were going to respect your wishes and drop the subject of your feelings for him.

[From: Penelope]: round table room ASAP

Shit. The last time you'd gotten that text from Penelope, the team left on a serial child abduction case 30 minutes later. So, despite it being your day off, you ran out the door and were there with your go bag in 15 minutes.

But no one else was there. No files on the table, nothing to indicate that there was a new case. You pulled out your phone to call Penelope, but then you heard a commotion outside the door- you'd closed it behind you.

"No, Derek, wait, I don't-"

"Can it, Pretty Boy, and thank me later." Derek opened the door, pushed Spencer into the room, winked at you, and shut the door, all in about 3 seconds.

"Spencer. Um, hi. Is the rest of the team not going to join us? Garcia's text seemed pretty urgent." You tucked your phone into your pocket.

"I don't think so, since I just heard Morgan barricade the door." He tried to open the door and failed.

"Oh my god they're Parent Trapping us. I'm gonna kill them."

Spencer tilted his head, confused. "Parent Trapping?"

"Oh my god have you not seen any of the Parent Trap movies? Were you living under a rock in 1998?" "I was seventeen and working on my first doctorate, so pretty much, yeah," he laughed. You couldn't help but laugh, too, as you firmly ignored how his smile made you absolutely melt.

"Fair enough. The '61 one is good too, but the '98 Lindsay Lohan one is Iconic for good reason. Anyway. The point is, they've locked us in here and won't let us out until we have a conversation."

"Just a conversation? Or do they want us to talk about something in particular?" He took a seat at the table.

"I- yeah, they have a particular topic in mind. I'm so sorry. This is my fault. I was tipsy and said things I should have just kept to myself. I thought they'd respected my wishes and left well enough alone, but clearly they didn't. And they won't let us out of here until I tell you-" you hesitated.

"Tell me what?" He leaned forward, and part of you swore you saw hope in his beautiful brown eyes. You looked at the floor, avoiding them.

"Tell you that I… have feelings for you. Romantic, cheesy, butterflies-in-my-stomach feelings. I don't know why they want me to tell you this. We've just gotten to a good place as friends, and you're straight, and-"

Somehow you missed the sound of him getting up and taking the few steps over to you, because you practically jumped out of your skin when his hands were suddenly on your shoulders.

"Y/N. Please, darling, look at me?" Bewildered by the endearment, you did, and his smile was blinding. "I'm not straight. I'm bi, and I think part of me has been in love with you since your first day at the BAU. The thing JJ said I was working through? The potential problems of having feelings for a coworker. For you. As soon as you walked through that door", he pointed and then took both your hands in his, "I loved you. The night at the bar? I was rolling my eyes at myself for how much I wanted to kiss you, and I walked away to stop myself from doing something reckless. I love you, Y/N. Can I do something reckless?"

"I'm trans," you blurted. "I hope that doesn't change anything, but it's something you should know. If knowing that I'm trans changes things, now is the time for you to say something. If it's a problem and it blows up later, it might actually kill me. Because I love you, too. So much. If it doesn't change anything, then please, Spencer, kiss me."

The words were barely out of your mouth before his lips were on yours. You weren't sure how long you were kissing before you were interrupted by cheers from the other side of the door. "Shit, Spencer, they're going to be the worst about this, aren't they?" You were a bit embarrassed by how breathy your voice was, but you were too happy to really care.

"Oh yeah. We're not going to get a moment that's just us in this building ever again. Do you want to get it over with and face them, or would you prefer we stay in this moment a bit longer?"

"What do you think, doctor?" you asked, pulling him in for another kiss.

#spencer reid x male reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #otp: pretty boys

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rainbowsky · 3 years

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