#rip to those who already reblogged including me

[slightlyhopefulromantic]

Every song I thought I knew, I've been deafened to / And there's no one left to sing to

sparrow makes me feel severely unwell. "it was born from my brain!" indeed

#dungeons and daddies #dndads #monsters and mommies au #sparrow oak garcia #sparrow oak #i was already gonna draw this today but then todays episode happened and i was like #i canNOT think about canon today or else i might break something #so we get some more mnmoms au <3 #I FORGOT THE ALT TEXT AGAIN NAUR ok hang on thats added now #rip to those who already reblogged including me

[halsteadlover]

𝐌𝐫. & 𝐌𝐫𝐬. 𝐇𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝

*Gif and pics not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Fem!Reader.

• Requested: no.

• Summary: you and Jay finally got married but even on your weeding day you can’t seem to be able to keep your hands off each other so you sneak out during the party to have a quick rendezvous.

• Warnings: smut (18+), dirty talking, lots of cursing, fingering, oral sex (m. receiving) unprotected sex (don’t be like them fellas!!!), semi-public sex, so much fluff you’ll drown in it.

• Word count: 7800.

• A/N: PLEASE READ THIS ONLY IF YOU’RE 18+ minors stay away. I’m actually shit at writing summaries y’all can tell. I’m so excited for this fic so y’all better eat this up 😭 I really hope you’ll like it, please let me know what you think and comment, like and reblog, it’d mean the world. Stay safe and love you all xx

“And I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”

It was surreal.

You and Jay were finally husband and wife and you couldn't believe it.

“I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you,” he had whispered on your lips when you exchanged your first kiss as husband and wife, your heart bursting with joy and happiness.

On the way to the wedding venue Jay did nothing but kiss and caress your ring finger, still in disbelief you really decided to marry him. You were his, forever.

You couldn’t stop grinning.

Everything seemed more beautiful. The colors were brighter, the air cleaner, the sky bluer, the trees greener.

Everyone present including colleagues, friends, family could see how happy you both were, how much you doted on each other, how much you were in love. There wasn’t anyone who hadn't thought at least once how much they would’ve liked to experience a love like yours. So pure, genuine, crazy, overwhelming.

Jay didn't take his eyes or hands off of you for even a second.

He kept looking at you and the more he saw you smiling, laughing, so happy and carefree, the more he couldn't contain his disbelief. God, he would’ve given you the fucking moon if it meant always seeing that smile on your face. You were so unbelievably beautiful especially in that white dress, which hugged your body so perfectly it seemed to be sewn on you.

My wife.

My wife.

My wife.

He kept repeating in his mind.

How the hell did he get so lucky?

His hand circled your hips with a firm, possessive grip, while his thumb caressed the fabric of the dress that covered your skin. He couldn’t help but stealing kisses from you from time to time, between a ‘congratulations’ and another, whispering how much he loved you and how fabulous you looked in your wedding dress.

“Did I already tell you how stunning you are, my love?” Jay asked as his eyes ran up and down your body, holding you to him with so much passion and desire you felt like you were dying in his arms.

You both had inaugurated the dance floor by doing the first dance and while those present watched the scene with emotion, some of your relatives took videos with their cell phones, unaware of the things that Jay was whispering to you and just seeing with how much adoration you looked at each other.

You smiled as you talked, slowly swaying to the song’s rhythm, unaware of how much your eyes sparkled as you looked at him. He looked at you with just as much admiration, his cheeks aching from how much he was smiling, his heart exploding with joy. Even someone blind could tell how much that man loved and adored you, how much he venerated you, how much he worshiped the land you walked on.

“You're not half bad either Mr Halstead,” you replied with a cheeky smile, unable to take your eyes off him and how wonderfully the suit he was wearing looked on him “God, I just want to rip your clothes off right now,” you continued, not realizing you had actually said it out loud.

Jay's arms tightened around your hips, pulling you further into his body and trying to hide how that one sentence made him feel. “Baby don't talk to me like that… I'm already trying so hard not to drag you away right now. You really want to make me lose my mind?” He warned you in a low tone, his lips brushing your ear before leaving a soft kiss on your cheek. He then sighed with frustration making you chuckle. “I don't think I can last the whole day.”

The song came to an end before you could respond and before you knew it everybody was drunkly dancing around you.

Your feet were sore as you and Jay danced with friends and relatives and you would’ve paid gold to take off those damned torture machines.

Seriously, why did heels have to hurt so much?

You were hot, sweaty but happy, like you had never been before. Jay wasn't much for dancing so he eventually went to talk to some other guests but he was having the time of his life and couldn’t take his eyes off you as he watched you dance, the way your body moved to the music, the way your curves were hugged by your wedding dress, the the way you sprayed happiness from every pore.

The love he felt for you was so unconditional, powerful and intense in such a way it took the air out of his lungs, it made the blood boil in his veins, it consumed him deeply, burned him from inside.

He had never once in his life felt anything like this, not until he met you. It felt like constantly being punched in the stomach every time you looked or smiled at him, it felt like his heart skipped a beat every time he heard your laugh, making it dance to that melody he couldn't wait to hear for the rest of his life. That kind of love was so profound that even when you were sad or cried, he felt like a piece of him was being ripped out of his body, especially when he couldn’t do anything to make you feel better.

He lived for you, breathed for you only, to a point he couldn’t even function when you weren’t by his side.

“Okay, okay, enough, I'd like to dance with my wife now,” Jay's voice made you turn and you almost tripped over your own feet when your eyes landed on him.

He was standing behind you, looking at you with a gorgeous and mischievous smile on his lips, his hands shoved in the pockets of his suit. He exuded confidence from every pore of his body and you couldn’t even explain how you managed to get that man. He was so charming, so dreamy and insanely hot, he completely took your breath away.

My husband.

Wow. How the hell did I get so lucky?

You smiled at him and the friend you were dancing with raised her hands in surrender. “She’s all yours Halstead but treat her right or I’ll kill you.”

His eyes traveled down your body, running his tongue over his bottom lip after biting it as his gaze devoured you with so much intensity and desire that every cell in your body lit up on fire. “She’s in excellent hands Clara, don't worry.”

“Ugh you’re disgusting. Stop eye-fucking my friend in front of me.”

You laughed as he wrapped an arm around your waist, now looking at Clara. “Can you blame me? C’mon look at her.”

“I’m still here and I can here you, you know,” you intervened, giggling as your arm encircled his hips too.

“I'm watching you Halstead, just remember that,” she warned him with an amused look and pointing her finger at him before walking away and going to grab another drink.

Jay then let you go and turned your body to his, holding out a hand towards you, finally meeting your gaze again. “Would you give me the honor of this dance, Mrs Halstead?”.

The way that name slipped from his lips made you melt like a snowman under the heat of the sun's rays, God how much you loved the way it sounded.

Mrs Halstead. Fuck me.

“The honor is all mine Mr. Halstead,” You grabbed his hand and before you knew it you were already pressed against his chest while his arms wrapped again around your hips possessively, almost as if he was afraid to let you go.

“My gorgeous wife” he whispered while swaying to the rhythm of the music. A rush of shivers ran down your spine forming goosebumps all over your skin. “Do you have any idea how much you drive me crazy? I’m so obsessed with you baby.”

His lips left small, sweet kisses on your lips, making you have a hard time to respond. You giggled as his beard tickled you meanwhile he planted chaste kisses along your cheek and neck. He inhaled your scent deeply, a scent he’d never could live without.

“And I’m so obsessed with you.” You wrapped your arms around his neck as his hands slid down the small of your back, resting chastely on your ass. “You make me so insanely happy Mr Halstead.”

Anyone who saw you two would say you were just a beautiful couple dancing happily on the best day of their lives.

But the things Jay was whispering in your ear were far from innocent, they would’ve made even a porn star blush.

“God I can't wait to take this dress off you,” he had said as your bodies moved in time to the music. He had turned you around, pressing your back against his chest and wrapping his arms around your waist. There was a lively song playing at the moment, the bass so loud you could hear it across the room and you couldn't deny you were grinding against him more sensually than you would other times on purpose.

You couldn't control yourself, not when it came to him.

Jay had the ability to make you give in with just two simple words whispered in your ear. Normally you couldn't keep your hands to yourself for a long time, your sexual chemistry had always been high and this moment was no different. You wanted him so badly you almost forgot you were on the dance floor celebrating your wedding.

You almost moaned when you felt his erection pressed against your ass, hard and sore, repressing the instinct to get on your knees and pull down his pants in front of everyone.

“Baby,” he murmured against your ear, leaving wet kisses on your neck. “God the things I would do to you now…”

Your stomach tightened in a vice as the heat in your lower abdomen continued to expand. “Tell me darling. What would you do to me now?” You replied in a question, pressing your ass further against his dick.

God I hope no one notices.

Jay let out a sigh that went straight to your pussy, making your legs clench in desire. “Fuck please stop, I can't take this anymore,” his arms tightened around your hips even more, as if trying to let out the frustration. He felt like he was exploding and the more you kept grinding against him, so sensually to the music’s rhythm, the more he wanted to rip your dress off and fuck you in front of all the guests.

You turned towards him again, placing your hands on his chest and caressing him slowly and sensually while batting your eyelashes seductively as you looked at him.

Jay thought he’d come in his pants just from the way you were looking at him.

His eyes were now hungrily fixed on your lips, which he wanted so desperately wrapped around his hard dick.

“So?” You urged with a smirk on your lipstick-covered lips. “What would you do to me baby?”.

Jay placed his hands on your face, caressing your cheeks with his thumbs. “You really want to know what I would do to my wife right now?”.

You were so desperate you nodded as if you were possessed, God, you would’ve done anything that man asked you. That man that was now your husband.

It's so surreal.

He licked his lips as his eyes moved up and down your body for a moment, quickly but at the same time imprinting every detail of how that dress looked on you in his memory, before returning his eyes to your face and tracing with them the outline of your lips.

“It would be better if I showed her, don't you think?” he whispered against your lips, making you forget again you were in public and not just the two of you.

“Wouldn't it be better if I just showed her the way I would take off her dress and get on my knees for her? Wouldn't it be better if I showed her how much I want and desire her by licking her pussy and every bit and drop of her wetness until her legs tremble? By fucking her so hard until we both forget our names? By being buried so deep inside that sweet little cunt of hers that she’s gonna feel me for days?”.

He pressed his lips on yours in a chaste and sweet kiss, in stark contrast with the things he was saying to you. “And show her how hard I am inside my pants just by looking at her in this dress? Show her how happy I am that she’s my wife? That I get to keep her forever?”.

That's it.

You slightly pulled away from him and grabbed his hand before leading him away from the dance floor and out of the wedding reception, not caring if someone actually saw you two leave. Your free hand held the edge of your dress as the two of you walked down the hall. He followed you like a puppy, a stupid, inebriated smile on his lips, his body quivering with anticipation and frenzy.

You arrived in front of a door that marked ‘storage room’ on its nameplate and looked around noticing that no one was there. You opened the door and pulled Jay inside with you and before you could even fully turn towards him, his hands were already on your face and his lips had captured yours in a kiss that took the breath out of your lungs.

He closed the door with his feet as he devoured you in a passionate and devastating kiss. Never letting you go, he removed one hand from your face before locking the door, returning his full attention to you immediately after.

He didn't know why but that was one of the most beautiful and breathtaking kiss you had ever exchanged, so overwhelming it made his knees weak and his stomach twist.

It may have been the fact that was the first real and passionate kiss as a married couple, maybe it was because he could finally call you his wife, because he could do this for the rest of his life, but all of this drove him like crazy.

“God I want you so much baby,” you breathed out in a little moment of separation. He didn't give you room to do or say anything else because he started kissing you again so intensely that a hit train would’ve been less crushing.

You slightly parted your lips and his tongue slid in your mouth without hesitation as they moved in sync against each other. Your dragged your hands along his chest, touching every bit of his body you could reach, almost shaking from the frenzy and desire of wanting to touch his heated skin.

A deep moan vibrated in his throat when you sucked on his tongue, making him lose that shred of sanity he had left. He pushed you against the wall, his body pressed against yours as he continued to kiss you passionately and greedily.

“You'll be the death of me,” he murmured against your lips as he planted kisses up your jaw and down to your neck. His tongue wet your skin as he nibbled it, his lips sucking at the same time making you gasp and writhe in pleasure. “I want to fucking rip this dress off you.”

You giggled – since the feeling was pretty much reciprocated – eyes still half closed as you enjoyed the sensation his lips gave you. “Don't you dare, it was expensive as fuck.”

He suddenly pulled away from you and a cold feeling took over you at that distance. His eyes traveled down your body and how your wedding dress hugged every single curve perfectly, fuck, it felt like it had been sculpted on you, like it was made just for you to wear.

He just wanted to take a good look at you, imprint in his memory every single detail of you in your white wedding dress.

But the way he looked at you, God. He was like a predator about to haunt his prey, glaring at it with desire, ready to capture it and devour its flesh with voracity and hunger. You felt so beautiful, like you could rule the world, like you were unstoppable, and you could only thank your husband for that.

“Fuck baby…” His chest rising and falling heavily due to that ardent kiss. He bit his bottom lip so hard he thought it’d start bleeding. He shook his head slightly as he continued to look at you lustfully, as if he could hardly believe you really existed, that you were actually his. “My beautiful, perfect wife…” He sighed. “I could just come from looking at you damn it.”

You pulled him back to you by the collar of his jacket and had to use all the strength you had in your body not to tear it off him along with that shirt. You kissed him again as your hands roamed down his body. You just couldn't take it anymore, you felt you’d explode soon or later if you didn't have him immediately.

You slipped his jacket off his shoulders, dropping it to the floor and hastily unbuttoned his shirt, eager to finally touch him, feel his skin against yours.

He did the same, unzipping your dress and you pulled away as he helped you step out of it. You didn't care if it got dirty or even ripped, you were just eager to finally have him, to feel him, your mind too foggy to think about anything other than Jay. But he took your dress instead of dropping it on the floor and placed it on an empty chair there.

This gesture made you smile with happiness and with every passing second you couldn't help but think about how you couldn't have chosen a better man to be your husband.

It was only then that Jay realized what you were wearing underneath your wedding dress, that vision alone almost making him fall unconscious on the floor. You were wearing one of the sexiest and most breathtaking white lingerie he had ever seen you wear and this made him regret not dragging you out that dance floor sooner.

My fucking wife.

“Baby… Jesus Christ…” he sighed heavily as he looked at you with so much lust and hunger, his mouth and his eyes wide open. “You… Wow… You’re so fucking beautiful… Holy shit…”

“I guess you like it then,” you giggled like a schoolgirl and grabbed his hands, pulling him back to you. He wasted no time touching you, caressing your curves and sliding his hand down your back until he grabbed your ass. He squeezed and massaged it with so much passion you were sure he’d leave some marks.

“Is this what you were hiding from me under that dress? Fuck if I had known I would’ve fucked you on that damn dance floor in front of everyone.” He started to grind his pelvis with yours and making you moan when his hard dick pressed against your intimacy.

“Jay please…” you sighed as he continued to grind against you, making you lose your mind. God you wanted him so much you it hurt.

His lips kept brushing his lips against yours, pulling back when you tried to kiss him and chuckling at your frustration.

“My sweet beautiful wife,” he murmured and placed his lips on your neck, on that particular spot that he knew made you lose your mind. A small moan left your mouth as he began to lick and suck at your skin again and you tilted your head, giving him more access. “I can't wait to be inside you.”

You grabbed his face and pressed your mouth on his, kissing him voraciously and passionately. It was like you were burning inside, as if your soul was trying to escape from inside your body and merge with his.

You had reached the point where you couldn't hold on for a second longer, you wanted your husband, you wanted him to take you there against those cold walls while all the guests danced in the wedding reception unaware of what you were doing.

You frantically unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down along with his boxers and freeing his hard erection, after sliding his shirt down his arms and leaving him naked in all his glory. You wrapped your hand around his erected dick and he let out a throaty moan, so fucking sexy you found yourself squeezing your legs together for some relief.

“Fuck yes…” he groaned as he struggled to continue kissing you while your hand pumped up and down on his dick. “I want to fuck this pretty mouth so bad,” he placed a hand on your cheek as his thumb caressed your lips. You took it into your mouth, licking and sucking it while your eyes were fixed on his.

He stopped when another loud moan left his mouth and he tilted his head back, his mind too clouded with pleasure. “Shh… You don’t want anyone to hear us don’t you love?” You smirked as you let go of his thumb.

“I don't give a fuck, I just need you,” he whimpered in an increasingly desperate tone.

“Yeah? How bad do you need me baby? Tell me,” you whispered sensually, biting his bottom lip as you slowed the pace of your hand and earning a frustrated verse from him.

“Fuck… Stop playing with me,” he warned you while at the same time his hips buckled up to meet your hand’s motion. You drew imaginary circles on his tip with your thumb, wet from the stain of precum. “Fucking tease,” he hissed before kissing you again. It was a sloppy and messy kiss, his tongue exploring every inch of your mouth, your saliva mixing with each other.

“Now get on your knees.”

Your pussy clenched at the sound of those words and you were never so happy to obey. You were about to kneel down but before you could, he picked up his jacket from the ground and placed it in front of you, making you smile like an idiot.

If there was one thing that Jay cared about more than anything it was knowing that you were comfortable, everything else came second and this was one of the many things you loved about him: how thoughtful and caring he was, even at certain times you always came first.

“I love you so much, you know that?” You kissed him sweetly, making him smile.

“It’ll be better for you since I put a ring on that finger.” He chuckled. “And I love you so much more.”

Your heart exploded in your chest and you kissed him one last time before kneeling down, your eyes still in his as he watched with attention every little movement you made.

You jerked him off again before moving your face closer to his dick, sticking your tongue out and he almost fainted… Fuck, he wanted to take a picture of that moment so badly, he would’ve printed it out and hung it all over your home because that vision alone was pure heaven.

Maybe it wasn't a proper thing to do to compare the image of you with his dick in your hand and your tongue sticking out to heaven, but he was too distracted to think about it.

A deep, guttural moan escaped his mouth as you traced a long wet line with your tongue from the base of his dick to the tip, which went straight to his pussy, forcing you to squeeze your legs together again.

“Ah holy shit…” he sighed, breaking off with another moan when you drew circles on his tip with your tongue just as you had done with your thumb not long before, tasting the saltiness of the leaking precum. “Fuck baby please stop torturing me…”

You smirked before wrapping your lips around his veiny dick and taking it fully into your mouth, starting a steady rhythm as you bobbed your head up and down his shaft.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he whimpered in pleasure as the heat of your mouth enveloped him. His eyes were half closed, his lips slightly parted as he struggled to maintain control and not make any noises. But it was so fucking hard, especially when your eyes were looking at him with so much sensuality they took the air out of his chest, not when your mouth was making him more ecstatic than any drug that existed.

“Yeah baby just like that… Oh yes… My sweet girl…”

He threw his head back, giving you a perfect view of his neck, his prominent jawline and veins and that alone was one of the hottest, sexiest things you had ever seen in your entire life.

His moans filled that little storage room and you hoped for a second no one was passing by or they would’ve surely heard him, but this thought immediately vanished, too caught up to his pleasure to care about the rest of the world.

Jay began to move his hips, fucking your mouth and hitting the back of your throat with the tip of his dick. “Shit, shit…” he loudly moaned “God you’re so fucking pretty with my dick in your mouth.”

And it was true.

You were so breathtakingly beautiful. Especially with your watery eyes, the mascara running down your cheeks, your lips swollen and pink as they continued to grind on his shaft, back and forth, again and again.

You tried not to gag while he continued to fuck your throat with particular voracity but it was almost impossible, just as it was becoming difficult to breathe as his dick kept completely filling your mouth.

“Y-yes baby… Oh fuck… That mouth of yours will be the death of me.”

Even though you were the one on your knees, you felt so powerful. Damn it, how much you loved knowing you were the only one who could make him feel this way, that you were the only one whose mouth he could fuck so mercilessly it almost made you choke on his dick, knowing that his moans, his sighs and whimpers were only and solely for you, knowing that it was only you who was making him lose his mind so badly.

He placed a hand on your head, threading his fingers into your styled hair, tugging and making you moan onto his dick. God you loved it when he did that, and he knew it.

Sensing you were having trouble breathing, Jay pulled his dick out of your mouth, taking it into his hand. “Stick out your tongue.”

You did as he said, feeling every cell in your body go up in flames.

“Such a good girl. My baby is so good for me."

He smirked as he began to slam his dick against your tongue which left a long stream of saliva on it, his other hand still in your hair as he continued to maneuver your head to his liking.

“You like that huh? You like being my pretty little slut?”.

“Fuck yes baby, please use me.”

He put his dick in your mouth again, letting out some of the most borderline pornographic moans you’ve ever heard along with strings of obscenities and profanities.

“My wife is so dirty… Oh god yeah… She likes being dirty for me?” He groaned and you managed to nod while looking at me through your lashes. It didn't take long for him to feel the orgasm starting to build inside him and he had to stop, not being able to hold on any longer.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck stop baby, you're gonna make me come,” he panted as if he'd run a marathon, stepping back and letting his dick pop out of your mouth. “I… Fuck, I need to be inside you.”

Before you could say or do anything, he helped you get on your feet and pressed his lips to yours still swollen, wet and pink from the killer blowjob you had just given him. He pressed your back against the cold wall but you didn't care, you were too hot to notice.

A moan escaped your lips this time when he moved your lace panties to the side with his fingers and slid them over your pussy.

“Fuck… Baby, ah yeah…”

“So fucking wet god… You drive me insane, I can't wait to be inside this pussy,” he kissed your neck as his fingers drew imaginary circles on your clit giving you the pleasure you so much needed.

Your hips began to slowly rotate following the same movement he was doing, your mind clouded with pleasure as you felt yourself already on the verge of an orgasm. God you were so horny, you didn't think you'd ever been this eager to fuck him.

“Look at that, fuck me, you're soaking my hands baby…”

“Bab-… Fuck yes… Please…” you babbled senselessly, struggling to keep at bay the moans and sighs that had taken the place of Jay's and were filling the storage room at that moment. “I… I can't…”

You wrapped an arm around his neck while grabbing his bicep with the other hand, trying to find some support because you felt like you’d collapse on the floor at any moment.

Your lips nibbled and sucked the skin of his neck making him sigh in your ear, on one hand to keep your almost uncontainable moans and on the other because you wanted to mark him, because you loved seeing what you did to him, you loved knowing he has only yours.

“Ah yeah… Fuck…” you hissed, biting down on his skin when he penetrated you with two fingers.

“Yes baby, fuck yourself on my fingers. Show me how much you like when your husband touches you like that.”

“J-Jay… Oh shit… I need you please…” you managed to stammer between moans. You felt like you were about to come but you needed to feel him, you needed his dick inside you.

Jay pulled his fingers out and you almost had a heart attack when he brought them to his lips. Without his eyes ever leaving yours, he licked away every trace of your fluids, humming with pleasure as he tasted you.

“You taste like heaven, I can't wait to lick every fucking drop and make you come on my face.”

“Jay I'm about to lose my goddamn mind. Please hurry up.”

He chuckled and brought his hands to your ass, pressing your half covered pussy by your panties still pulled aside against his dick, making both of you sigh with desire.

“What do you want baby? Tell me.”

You grabbed his face with your hands, pressing your mouth against his and sliding your tongue inside his when he slightly parted his lips. His hands continued to massage your now red ass, pressing his fingers hard as you kept grinding against each other.

“I want my husband to fuck me against this wall,” you whispered against his lips, pink and swollen from your impetuous kisses, your noses brushing.

My husband.

These simple words made him feel a sensation he couldn’t quite describe, an explosion of emotions that caused an electric shock to go through his entire body, which made his heart beat wildly and his legs feel like jelly.

It was pure melody.

It was so sweet and sexy at the same time, it made him was so happy he felt like he was touching the sky with a finger. He was your fucking husband and he couldn’t still fathom the idea he really managed to make you his wife.

Jay crashed his lips against yours again, sucking out that little trace of your soul you still had left in your body. He was eager to possess you, to feel you, to show you how much he loved and wanted you.

His hands lowered to your thighs and you took that as a sign to jump into his arms. With almost astonishing ease, he lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around his hips and your arms around his neck.

Your back was pressed against the cold wall but it didn't bother you, you couldn't even feel it. With one hand he held your thigh, while the other stroked his dick a couple of times before aligning it towards your entrance, penetrating you with a single slow thrust and making both of you to let out a loud and deep moan.

“Jesus Christ, fuck…” he moaned, using every ounce of his will and strength not to come instantly. His other hand settled on your thigh again and his fingers pressed so hard they felt like they were going to tear your skin at any moment.

Jay had his face buried in the crook of your neck, his lips wide open as if trying to get some air, his breathing quickened.

“Shit baby you feel so good inside me,” you breathed out as his dick stretched out every corner of your vagina. He wasn't even moving and you were already falling apart. “Please move…”

Jay pulled out of you slightly just to penetrate you again, this time with more force. He started moving his hips slowly, in and out of you, making you crave for more. But it didn't take long for him to start fucking you like his life depended on it, his thrusts now stronger.

He was thrusting so deep you could feel him in every corner of your body and a piece of you disintegrating with each passing second. Your arms held him close to you, your fingers on his shoulders while your nails slid across his skin, leaving marks that would probably stay there for days.

“God baby I can't get enough of you, f-fuck…” he groaned in your ear as his lips left trails of wet kisses on your neck and his tongue licked your sweaty skin.

You tried to answer but the pleasure was so intense, so high you couldn’t get anything out of your mouth other than a moan or a whimper. It felt so fucking good you couldn't even describe it.

A particularly loud moan escaped your lips as he gave a particular deep thrust, making you almost jump out of your skin as he hit your G-spot. “Oh my fucking god… Just like that… Oh yeah baby…”

“That's it, moan for for me princess. You’re being so good.”

He raised his head from the crook of your neck so he could look at you. You opened your eyes and met his eyes shining with luxury and passion, his pupils so dilated you couldn’t see the green of his irises.

His dick twitched inside you as he continued to fuck you against the wall mercilessly, and seeing you so deeply in the throes of pleasure, your mouth slightly open, your cheeks flushed, your eyes half closed… He was going crazy.

You kept looking at each other’s eyes, extending the deep connection between you two to another level. It wasn’t just your bodies that were fucking, but your souls too and you would’ve payed gold to stop the time and live this moment over and over again, forever.

“I love you so much baby, God I love you.”

“Fuck.” He crashed his lips into yours in a messy and sloppy kiss due to the continuous gasps interrupting you. You rested your forehead on his, both covered in a thin layer of sweat.

“Mine.”

He kissed you as his dick soaked with your fluids continued to thrust in and out of your pussy.

“Mine.”

He kissed you again.

“Mine.”

He kissed you once again, sucking and biting your lower lip but stopped by another moan as your walls clenched around him making him struggle to even stand still.

“God… Oh yes baby keep going… Please…” you spluttered and closed your eyes as you felt your orgasm take over you.

“Don't close your eyes, please look at me… Ah Jesus… Fuck yeah keep clenching around me like that, you’re such a good girl for me baby.”

You did as he said as you placed your hands on his face looking into his eyes and feeling that sensation of pressure twisting and clenching your insides.

“I love you, fuck… S-so much…” you cried out again now, your mind completely gone. Your eyes started to water from the intensity of his thrusts and you felt like you were going to implode in that same instant. “I'm coming, I'm coming, I’m coming please don’t stop…”

A loud moan escaped your lips as an overwhelming orgasm hit you like a truck, almost giving you a heart attack. Your arms encircled his neck again, your nails scratching the skin of his shoulders.

You didn't know if you could die from an orgasm but damn that was exactly how you felt. It was like someone made you fall from a ten-story building without a parachute.

Jay exploded in an orgasm after a few more thrusts, filling your pussy with his cum until the last drop before pulling out. He exhaustedly rested his head on your shoulder leaving small, sweet kisses on your neck.

The silence that now reigned in the storage room was only broken by your panting while you both tried to catch your breath as if you had just run a marathon.

You felt so good in that moment, like your body was floating in space and you didn't know if it was the thrill of being discovered, if it was the wedding, but that was the best sex you had ever had.

“God I can't feel my body anymore,” you murmured and he chuckled as you stroked the hair on the back of his head, leaving kisses on his cheek in the meantime.

That little room smelled of him, you and sex and you had never smelled a more sublime fragrance.

“Can we stay here forever?”.

“I'm afraid we still have a party to attend,” he tiredly chuckled again. Jay raised his head to look at you, a stupid smile on his lips, his heart happy. “Do you have any idea how fucking beautiful you are angel?”.

You smiled and gave him a kiss on the lips, this time sweet and gentle in contrast to the ones exchanged so far. “And you're a flatterer Mr Halstead, I know I look awful right now, my makeup is all ruined.”

“You’ve never been more beautiful than you are now Mrs Halstead. You look like you've been fucked properly.”

You rolled your eyes playfully, already starting to imagine the jokes and teasing your friends would make as soon as they’d see you, not to mention the embarrassment in front of your relatives and family.

You decided you’d think about this at the right time.

After both of your regained a bit of strength again, Jay carefully put you down but wrapping an arm around your waist when your knees buckled and you nearly fell to the ground.

“Wipe that stupid grin off your face,” you commented with mock annoyance when you noticed the smug, proud expression he was looking at you with and the way he was trying not to chuckle.

“I take full credit,” he laughed and before you could respond he silenced you with a kiss, making you forget what you even wanted to say.

After getting dressed, Jay helped you put your wedding dress back on, zipping it up your back and helping you fix your hair and what was left of your makeup as much as he could. He left a kiss on your right shoulder as his hands stroked up and down your arms. “I don't want to go back there.”

He kept planting kisses on your shoulder and up towards the crook of your neck and your jaw until he reached your cheek which he insisted on, making you smile stupidly. His arms wrapped around your hips from behind, pressing your body against him and holding you until you were almost breathless.

“Where did the ‘we have a party to attend’ go?” You teased him, meanwhile placing your hands on his and caressing them.

“I want you all to myself, I'm not ready to share you with other people again, plus now I want to fuck you again.”

You laughed, feeling your cheeks heat up. “Already?“.

“Already? Baby I would spend twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week buried deep inside you, don't act like you don't know me c'mon.” He kissed you again. “And above all seeing my cum dripping out of you and this damn lingerie drives me crazy, you can’t seriously expect me to resist you.”

You turned to him and cupped his face in your hands before pressing your lips against his as his arms encircled your hips again. A flock of butterflies exploded inside your stomach and he kissed you breathtakingly, making you lose the ground beneath your feet.

“I love you so much,” you whispered between kisses, forgetting again that the two of you had been locked in that storage room for God knew how long. “I'm so happy I married you.”

He smiled as you kissed him again, almost making you kiss his teeth. He’d never get tired of hearing it, no matter how much you had said it. “God baby I love you so much more.” He held you even tighter, as if he wanted to somehow get under your skin and steal your soul, which he had actually been doing for so long.

“My wife, my wife, my wife,” he continued to whisper, stealing several more kisses from you, kisses that he actually couldn't even manage to give you because of the way you couldn't stop smiling.

“You make my heart so happy.”

“Stop you're going to make me cry,” you hit him lightly on the shoulder covered by his jacket, feeling your eyes fill with tears.

God, could you love someone so much it hurt? Because that's how you felt.

You loved that man so much. So intensely you couldn't sleep when he wasn't there, so much you missed him even when he was just a few meters away from you, so deeply you couldn't imagine a life without him since the moment you met him.

You had always dreamed of an everlasting love, the kind that took your breath away just by thinking of it, that fairytale love, that love you had always read in novels and seen in films and Jay Halstead gave you all this and much more than you ever imagined or deserved.

He was peace.

He was home.

He was everything you had ever wanted and more.

Jay took your hands in his, bringing them to his lips and leaving a kiss on both of them, focusing in particular on your ring finger. His eyes shone like the ring’s stone at that moment and you looked at them mesmerized, thinking about how lucky you were to be able to do this all your life.

“We should go back there…” you murmured in a low voice, already sad for having to break that little bubble in which you took refuge even if not for a long time.

He snorted like a child but nodded. “I can't wait to have you all for myself.”

He intertwined his fingers with yours before unlocking the door and peeking out for a moment to see if anyone was nearby.

“Shit,” he muttered, immediately closing the door again when he saw a waiter walking down the hall holding an empty tray.

You let out a laugh when you saw his expression and he covered your mouth with his hand. “Shh, they'll hear us.”

“Baby we were fucking against the wall ten minutes ago, I'd say we're a little late for that don’t you think?” you whispered back, taking his hand away and looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

He playfully rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah whatever. Now kiss me.”

Before you could say anything he pulled you towards him by your hips, pressing his lips on yours. His body was pressed against the door and yours against his, your arms around his neck and his around your waist as his hands slid on your ass while you made out like teenagers hiding from your own parents.

“I'll never get tired of kissing you, it'll never be enough,” he whispered against your lips, nibbling and sucking your lower lip, making you sigh.

“I know what you're doing, stop it. Until proven otherwise it's still our wedding and we have to celebrate it,” you admonished him, dropping your hands to his chest and slightly pushing yourself away from him. You got a sound of disappointment in response, just what a child would do.

“You know what’s a great way to celebrate? Having sex. C'mon baby, come here.” He tried to put his hands on your hips again but you took a step back, crossing your arms over your chest in mock disappointment.

“We have a whole life to have wild sex. You don’t want to celebrate your wedding with your wife?”.

“Drop the act baby, I’m not falling for it,” he boop your nose with his index finger, a gesture that immediately made you smile even though you tried so hard to hold it back. “Of course I want to celebrate with you, that's not what I meant. This is the best day of my life.”

He chuckled before grabbing your hand and moving away from the door. He opened it again and like a few moments before, he checked no one was coming. When he realized that no one was passing by at that moment, you both left the storage room and he closed the door behind you.

You both smoothed your dress even though it was totally useless, anyone from a mile away could tell you had some hot sex just some moments before.

But you didn't care, it was your day, yours and Jay's and damn, you were free to do whatever you wanted even if it meant sneaking out of your own party to have sex in a storage room.

Okay, it wasn't a very proper thing to do but what could you say, all couples consummated their marriage on their wedding night, you and Jay had just rushed things along.

So you walked hand in hand with your fingers intertwined towards the wedding reception, both of you with a stupid and joyful smile on your faces and happy as you had never been, ready to get drunk and finally start your life together.

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[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Don't Speak 31

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, stalking, manipulation, reclusive behaviour, disordered eating, dissociation, allusions to abuse, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Reader is a reclusive loner who ventures down to the library on a simple mission. Her task is complicated by the man she meets there. (f!short!reader)

Character: librarian!Andy Barber

Note: Is it Monday already?

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all. Take care. 💖

You sit in the waiting room, anxious and squirmy as Andy keeps his hand on yours. When you start to fidget, he squeezes and you stop. He doesn't tell you to but you can sense his agitation. It only adds to your own impatience.

When Dr. Kemp emerges to call you in, you have to keep yourself from jumping up. You're caught in the urge to both run away and run towards him. With all the thoughts you've had about him, especially while exploring, you're set alight just at the sight of him.

Andy accompanies you in. You almost forgot he would be there too. You near Kemp with a smile and he watches you with placid blue eyes. His coolness makes you self-conscious. The one thing you can never tell him is how he makes you feel.

He welcomes you in as usual. Before you can claim the chair you often sit in, Andy nudges you towards the chaise long. You hesitate but redirect, sitting with him on the dimpled leather.

Dr. Kemp shuts the door and crosses the office, sitting in the other chair as he leans an arm against the side. He gives a thoughtful hum as he considers both of you. Andy reaches to put his hand over yours, once more tightening his grip.

"So… how are things? Are we seeing progress?" Kemp asks brightly. "I'm sensing… improvement."

You just nod as Andy clears his throat and shifts. "I think… I think so," his fingers twiddle on his other thigh, "we have been… intimate. Somewhat, right, honey?"

You shy away and give another nod. Humiliated.

"In what way?" Kemp prompts.

You nearly choke and look at him with round eyes.

"This is a safe space, so we can be honest," he coaxes as he notes your shock, "have you both… tend to each other?"

Andy sighs and his fingers curl around yours. You wince.

"Yeah, but… she… she drank a bit too much so… she doesn't remember…" Andy huffs, "so… I tried."

"I'm sorry," you squeak, "I didn't mean to."

"Hm, and is there a reason you were drinking?" Kemp asks you.

"Well, uh, no. Andy gave me a beer, so– I don't really–"

"So you gave her a drink and are mad that it affected her?" He challenges Andy and you flinch again. 

"She's an adult–"

"All and well but you can't get upset. What can you expect?" Kemp reprimands and Andy tenses, grumbling under his breath. 

"So," Kemp redirects back to you, "you have… shown Andy that you're committed? Spoken in his love language, but has he done the same for you?"

You struggle not to rip your hand out of Andy's. You don't know what to say. You don't know what you want, especially from Andy. 

"I… guess. I don't know?" You sputter, "he… he's nice. He…"

"I buy her things, I do stuff for her all the time–" Andy interjects.

"Please," Kemp silences him with a wave of his hand, "Andy is obviously an affectionate person, but what do you need?"

You gulp and shrug. You really don't know. You just open and close your mouth like a fish.

"Here's what we do. Andy, you cool it. The next time you do anything, I want her to initiate. And I don't want you," he points at you, "to do what he wants. You figure out what you need and that's what you do, understand?"

You swallow, lightheaded. You know what he means but you don't want to think about it. What if what you want isn't Andy?

"The next time we check in, I think I should do another housecall…" Kemp says, "and after this, we'll have our usual one-on-one. For now, I want to do a few exercises between you two…"

You blink rapidly. There's so much to do. That was always the worst feeling, knowing you had an insurmountable list ahead of you. Steps, that's what the doctor always says, little steps.

🕊️

Andy leaves and your private session begins. You’re nervous, still scalded from the conversation about intimacy. You fidget as you tuck yourself into the corner of the couch, trying to shrink down as much as you can.

Dr. Kemp stands and walks casually to the window. He doesn’t say anything right away. You wilt in the silence, wondering if you should start. How do you do that though? What do you say?

Your head races with the messages on your tablet. It’s so much easier to talk to him through a screen. Face-to-face, you’re embarrassed at everything you’ve shared with him under the deceitful protection of distance.

He turns to face you, smiling as he leans on the window ledge. He crosses his arms and you see how his chest flexes under his shirt. You try not to focus on that, bringing your eyes back to your twiddling fingers.

“Let’s focus on you,” he puts one foot in front of the other, uncrossing his arms to fix his left cuff. “You’ve been… exploring.”

You chew your lip. Oh gosh. Why did you ever let him convince you to do that? And why had you done it every day since? 

“Now, don’t be shy. You know I won’t judge you. I wouldn’t encourage it if it was bad,” he comes forward slowly and sits at the other end of the couch, “can I ask you something?”

You nod, staring at your lap. You lean into the armrest, slouching as heat nips at your cheeks. You feel terribly dizzy. Even if he’s not that close, he’s crowding you.

“Why are you so… let me restart that. What has made you so… reticent about your sexuality?” He asks.

You shake your head. You can’t speak. It’s not a question you can answer. You don’t know what makes you want to melt into a puddle.

“You never… never tried anything before? Never been curious?” He prompts.

You swallow and hunch forward, speaking to the carpet, “a little.” You clasp your hands tight, forcing them still, “but… it hurt. So I stopped and… just forgot about it.”

“The other day. Did it still hurt you?”

You shake your head again. 

“That’s good,” he praises and the couch jostles as he moves closer. He keeps some space between you as he reaches to touch your shoulder, “it’s not shameful. You’re just getting to know yourself. You’re taking care of yourself, sweetie. And That’s a good thing.”

“Mhmm,” you hum with a nod, his touch electrifying.

“So you can take what you learn about yourself and show Andy. Share it with him,” he suggests.

You’re quiet. You shrug off his hand and look away. You can’t tell him the truth. About why you enjoyed it so much. You don’t really understand it yourself. It’s probably doesn’t mean anything.

“Doctor,” you push your chin back down and sense him lean in, listening to you intently. “What… what if when I… did it, I wasn’t thinking of Andy?”

He takes a breath and lets his hand rest on the cushion between you. He leans an elbow on his thigh as his gaze sears into you. His fingers tap as he thinks.

“Nothing wrong with that. It’s not uncommon to have fantasies. They’re only that, they’re not real. So who are you hurting?” He drags his hand back and shrugs, “does that make sense?”

Your lips part and you make yourself sit up. You feel lighter. Yeah, you suppose it can’t hurt Andy if he doesn’t know who you think of. Or Steve.

“I guess,” you agree.

“Great,” he sits back, “so who did you think of?”

You look at him in shock. He chuckles at your expression and waves you off. You frown, heart pumping wildly.

“You don’t have to say,” he reaches over to lightly tap your knee, “I was just being nosy.”

“Oh,” you pick at your fingernail.

“Being funny,” he says, “let’s redirect. Anything new this week? New books? How’s the painting going?”

You peek at him, biting your cheek. He looks at you like you’re the only person in the world. That’s crazy, you’re the only person in this room. He has nothing else to distract him. You’re being silly. You love Andy, not Dr. Kemp.

🕊️

You yawn at the canvas as you focus on the details of the feathers. Your work is coming together. You might be done soon. You’re at that point where you just don’t want to stop because you can see the end.

Andy doesn’t feel the same. The last time he checked in on you, he clucked at your response. It’s Saturday night, he reminds you. Yes, well, doesn’t that mean you can stay up late?

You can hear him inside the house as he grabs another beer. He had one for dinner and after as you excused yourself to paint. Is that his third? Fourth? You don’t know. Maybe you shouldn’t count.

Your eyes are itchy and you long to close them and let the tension out of your shoulder. That’s another thing that keeps you at the easel. As much as you long for bed, you’re nervous about sleeping in Andy’s bed. After the day’s therapy session, you feel like you have to do something. Something you’re not ready for.

You rinse your brush and step back. You go to your tablet to check your reference image, accidentally swiping over to a different draft. It’s a sketch you did the other day, only half-finished. It’s Amber, or supposed to be.

Your heart sinks. You remember slamming the cover on the tablet after realising you couldn’t remember exactly how she looked. You remember her smell, her voice, her warmth, but you just couldn’t get the slant of her nose right, you couldn’t make her eyes sparkle just so.

You quickly push the image away, looking for the falcon crest, but your motivation quickly dies. You don’t want to paint anymore. Neither do you want to go inside. Even if it is awfully chilly out here.

The TV blares from inside the house. You can hear it even through several walls. You wonder if you’re making too much noise or if it’s something else. 

You tap on the screen listlessly, realising too late that you’re staring at the chat with Dr. Kemp. It’s too late to message him. You’ll wait until tomorrow. Yeah, you can’t bother him this late.

By some eerie coincidence, a new message pops up before you can close the chat. You wipe your hand on your stained tee shirt as you read it. ‘Have a good night, sweetie. You did very well today’.

You go over the letters over and over again. You smile to yourself but quickly wipe it away. He’s only being nice.

‘Thank you. Have a good night.’

You send the message and leave the tablet on the small table. You start cleaning up, taking your time as you dread the other side of the wall. Andy won’t be happy you waited so long, but he might be too tired to be angry with you.

You grab your tablet and pause, reading the unexpected new message; ‘you going to bed?’

You bite your thumb. What should you say? Well, you should be honest, right?

‘Soon. Hope I can sleep.’ You tap the arrow and sway, looking up at the garage door. You really should just say good night and go inside.

‘What’s keeping you awake?’

Oh, gosh. End it. Stop talking. There was enough of that earlier. You’re typing before you can stop yourself.

‘Amber.’

That’s it. The only word you can manage. Off goes the bubble and almost immediately those three dots appear on his side of the chat. Then they disappear.

The chirp from your tablet surprises you. You nearly drop it but smack the screen instead, inadvertently answering the call. Oh no! He must’ve hit the wrong button.

You see Dr. Kemp on the screen and in the corner, your own face looks back. You sputter as you notice his bare shoulders, distracted from hating your reflection. You gasp.

“Oops,” you utter with a nervous chuckle.

“You’re thinking of Amber?” He asks without a beat.

“Um, yeah, but– Dr. Kemp, it’s late. We can talk next week. I’m sorry.”

“I called for a reason. I’m not Dr. Kemp right now, I’m Steve. Your friend,” he stares at you, smiling as you notice the odd angle. 

He must be sitting down, maybe he was getting ready for bed, that would explain his lack of shirt. You can’t even see that much, just the top of his chest. Don’t think about it. Maybe he doesn’t even realise.

“My friend?”

“Of course,” he coaxes, “so tell me, what are you thinking about Amber?”

You shrug and look away with a pout. You don’t know if you should say. You should’ve mentioned it earlier. You’re wasting his time.

“Aw, you miss her, sweetie? That’s normal. She’s your sister.”

You turn back to the tablet. You can’t help the tremble in your chin. You miss her, yes, but more than that. There’s not a word that can express how deeply you feel in that moment. You love Amber so much but you’re ashamed of how you used her for so long. Then you abandoned her.

“Did you decide if you want to invite her to Thanksgiving? I think that’s a great idea,” he says.

“Oh, uh… Andy wouldn't… I don’t know,” you mumble and turn, glancing at the door, suddenly paranoid he might hear you. “I should… it’s very late. I should go to bed.”

He nods. His hair is slightly askew, it’s usually so neat and tidy. He has a bit of stubble poking through along his jaw. He looks more handsome than you’ve ever seen him. You can barely think.

“Alright, I won’t keep you. You need a good night’s sleep, right? Because you have to take care of yourself, right?”

“Yes, doctor.”

“Steve,” he corrects.

You giggle, “yes, Steve.”

“Okay, go on,” he shifts the tablet, “chat tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” you promise, “good night.”

“Night,” he winks.

The call ends and you stare at the screen. Your chest flutters as you make yourself close the cover. You feel bubbly like you could float. And something else. Something that needs to be quelled. A deep need that has your fingers tingle for that familiar buzz.

#andy barber #dark andy barber #dark!andy barber #andy barber x reader #fic #dark fic #dark!fic #series #au #librarian au #don't speak #defending jacob #steve kemp #fresh

[lalal-99]

of timeless love {h.j.} | track 1

©March 2023, February 2024 by lalal-99

Han Jisung x afab!reader | trope: slice of life, coming of age | word count: 2.6k

Synopsis: You and your annoyingly adorable boyfriend Jisung move off to university, to make new friends, find a calling and learn how to live on your own for the very first time in your lives.

Check Chapter Overview for complete list of warnings

Note: I first thought of this story about a year and a half ago. I didn't feel ready at the time, but as I got better over the years, I picked this story up again. Updates might be slow, so bear with me please

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Please don't flag as mature or repost this story - Thank You!

You, 6 years ago, wouldn’t have bought this romantic af, straight out of a fairy-tale storyline.

You going to University? With the love of your life? Like the picture-perfect couple, smiles glued to your face? Nuh-uh. Not you. Not in this lifetime and most likely not in the next dozen—if you ever were so unlucky.

Family, love, college. All of it was bullshit. Temporary.

Nothing good ever lasted. If anything, a dark twist was already lurking around the next corner at any given moment. You couldn’t imagine a dimension in which you were ever happy. Let alone content.

Your 14-year-old emo self would never grow out of the jet-black hair. Or the countless piercings decorating your face. Or those cole-coloured ripped skinny jeans you wore like a second skin. So much you knew. Past-you only ever wanted to gloom through life in a hazy blur. Depressed about My Chemical Romance breaking up and all the other hardships life had already put you through.

That girl would have despised who you had become. Hair grown back to its natural colour. Wearing shirts without some underground metal band’s logo printed on the front. That girl would have likely made fun of you for even thinking about grades. And your future? If you ever had one, your 14-year-old self knew it would include nothing but darkness and despair.

Every teenager around you went through that phase, though you were sure it was more than that. A phase. A short and survivable part of your story. You fully and whole-heartedly believed nothing would ever change about your attitude towards life. It couldn’t, not after everything that had happened.

Overcoming that horrible chapter of your life seemed unimaginable. That you even got the chance to reach out and grab your future by its horns only had one reason. One person who was to become the most meaningful part of your life. Of the same future, he was the reason you even considered having.

Han Jisung.

A boy of innocence and noisy introversion. A boy who, despite having lived through similar trauma as yourself, had a will for life toxic enough to capture you. A boy who you became sure was the closest thing to a soulmate you would ever find.

No one could have prepared you for how hard you’d fall for Jisung. You loved him at his best, worst, and everything between. And you had fallen in love with him despite his lousy sense of humour and silly persona. Or maybe, you had fallen for him because of it. Because he had a similar story to yours but an opposite look at it.

Your 14-year-old, always-depressed, doom-certain-self could have never imagined being with someone like him. Let alone being head-over.heels. All while doing what? Watching him do something so mediocre and none-life changing as buying toothbrushes?

“I don’t know. Which ones do you think?”

Jisung presented you two indistinguishable packs of toothbrushes, waking you from your daydream. Thus, the blurriness faded and your eyes focused on the tiny words on each cover.

“These,” you decided on the left option. “Those bristles are too hard for your gums.”

“Oh, we definitely can’t have that.” With a dramatically disgusted expression, he returned the wrong set to its place on the shelf. “I want to keep at least some of my teeth.”

“Thankfully,” you agreed with a snicker. His words cracked you up more than they should have.

No doubt, your 14-year-old self would have hated yourself six years later.

“Okay. What else is on that magic list of yours?”

“Microwave popcorn and some instant ramen. And we should get some notebooks and highlighters for tomorrow. That’s it.” You listed the remaining articles off the slip of paper while crossing out the products you had retrieved from the hygiene section. “Should we split up?”

“Nah. That’s how they die in horror movies. And I’m not going out in the food court of a 7/11.”

“Fair. How about the Back-to-School aisle then?”

Jisung pondered his reply as he wandered past toothpaste and mouthwash. “Too many pens for people to draw penises on my face. The cleaning section, however? That’s a whole other conversation.”

“How come?”

“Well, there’s bleach and mops already. Also, buckets. So they can simply wheel my corpse away.”

As you walked by the pasta and other canned foods, you picked up a tray of ramen each. For convenience, if anything. Had it not been for the thinness of your wallet, you would have gone for fresher produce. So much for independent living.

With an intensive focus on your absurd conversation—Jisung listing places he would most likely die in if he were a character in a horror movie—you didn’t notice a tray of stacked goods blocking the path. It wasn’t until you bumped your shin on the square-edged tower that you finally took notice.

As a wave of pain swallowed your leg, you left out a shriek. “Gosh freakin’ dang it!”

“You good, baby?” His concern was genuine, though he couldn’t help smiling at your desperate attempt not to swear. “Let me see.”

Jisung kneeled in front of you, noticing a reddening wound once he had dragged the jean fabric up your leg.

“Just a bruise.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one feeling like your skin is being dragged off your flesh.”

“No. But I can make it better.”

He rose to his feet, arms hugging your frame as he picked you up without any effort. You giggled as he heaved you into the cart, careful not to squish the food.

“What are you doing?”

“No girlfriend of mine should have to walk when she’s in pain,” Jisung explained, helping you get settled. Pushing the crushable goods out of the way, you sat on the cans. Not the most comfortable seating, but it worked, nevertheless.

“Damn, those other girls are lu-cky.”

Jisung was pleased at how casually you had joined in on his joke. A smile formed on his lips as he pushed you along the shelves of seasonal produce.

You soon reached the Back-to-School aisle. There you took your sweet time deciding on notebook formats and highlighter colours. It kept surprising you how much fun it was to go grocery shopping when done with the right people. Everything was about 50 percent less boring because of Jisung. Jisung and his ability to find something ridiculous in anything and everything.

After you had made some other critical decisions—like which folders would make organising the year easiest, the ones with dogs or flowers in front—you finished up your school-supply-run.

When you reached the cash register, you noticed the strange looks the other customers gave you. Two young adults strolling through a supermarket, pushing each other in grocery carts? Definitely side-eye-worthy.

Maybe you would have cared more had you not been so enticed by Jisung’s mindless humming of Can’t Take My Eyes Off You.

“What?” Jisung questioned your glances as he started unloading the items from the cart.

“Nothing.” You joined him, unloading all the trays of food you had picked minutes earlier. “This feels weird. Going grocery shopping together. Feels grown-up somehow.”

“We go grocery shopping once a week,” he declared with a thoughtful pout.

“But that’s different.”

After you had emptied out your purchase, he wheeled you further down the band. The woman behind the cash register seemed equally interested in you as all the customers. Soon enough, she continued doing her job.

“You mean because we didn’t have to pay for it ourselves?” He held his hand to his heart as if heartbroken. “I miss your dad, too. Always so kind, paying for all our stuff.”

You chuckled at his playful sincerity.

“No, idiot.” As Jisung reloaded the cart, you payed for this week’s necessities. “Because we’re grocery shopping on our own, living off at uni. We have officially moved out of our home, living in the big city. It’s— new. That’s it.”

As soon as you had reached the exit, you picked reached for the strawberries, unable to abstain any longer. Strolling towards his car, you handed one over to your boyfriend while sucking on your own. Like the gentleman he was, Jisung helped you jump from the car and you packed everything into the trunk.

Once you had placed the cart back by the others, you finally headed home. Or rather, the dorm room you would be living in for the next four years.

You weren’t at that point of calling it your home yet.

A comfortable silence surrounded you throughout your drive. It remained while you stacked away your half of the food back at your place and lasted until you finished. This sort of silence wasn’t uncommon these many years into your relationship—you hardly noticed it anymore.

“Man, all this talk about horror movies makes me want to watch one.” That you hadn’t mentioned this topic for over 30 minutes seemed irrelevant.

“But you’re horrible with horror movies,” you pointed out.

“Not when you’re there to protect me.”

An hour later you were sprawled out on your bed, the last sweet strawberry long gone.

With your legs entangled, Jisung’s face rested on your chest as you massaged his scalp. After minutes of fruitless discussion, Spiderman was now webbing his way through your laptop screen. In the end, it really didn’t matter what movie was playing. It never did as long as you were with each other.

Not even 20 minutes into the movie, Jisung had fallen asleep on top of you. His faint snoring was now mere background noise as you followed the plot, ehich wasn’t as simple as it sounded. Your energy was more than drained from running around all day.

Only three days ago, you had still been back home. Packing for your upcoming move to a new city, two hours from every place you had grown up in. The one thing keeping you calm throughout the stress was your sweetheart-boyfriend. To no one’s surprise. He was the only person able to keep you sane when all you wanted was to scream and cry. Had you not had him by your side, you would have drowned in all the noise your brain usually produced.

His ability to calm your nerves when you needed him to—know when to make you laugh or when to distract you from your everyday stresses—surprised you to this day. You couldn’t begin to explain how you had been lucky enough to find someone like him. Someone you loved as much as you had seen your parents do when you were younger. Let alone how he loved you the same way, almost self-destructively so.

Your 14-year-old self would have called bs. But that girl was someone else—you, but in another lifetime. You but pre-Jisung.

When the door to your room rushed open, it pulled you from your quiet slumber. You had turned off the lights earlier to set the mood but still knew the intruder was your roommate. Besides you two, only Jisung knew the code to your dorm—a decision you had previously discussed with your new roomie, of course. Seeing as he was knocked out on top of you, you could cross him off your list of possible visitors at 8 pm on a Monday.

Adapting her eyes to the darkness, she checked her surroundings before tiptoeing into the room. The light remained off as she expected you to be asleep.

“Hey,” you greeted the dark-haired beauty, making her jump in surprise at the sudden noise.

“Fu—God! You scared me.” With one hand over her heart, your roomie calmed herself from your unexpected jump-scare. Once her heart rate had settled, she slipped out of her heels and left them by the end of her bed. “Is he asleep?”

“Yeah,” you confirmed, letting your finger run along his jaw to check. He didn’t move, so you knew he was most likely out for the night. “Long night?”

She gagged with an eye roll, pulling her jeans off her legs and exchanging them for grey sweatpants. “Don’t get me started. I haven’t even started writing my thesis, and it’s already kicking my ass.”

You watched her as she also changed out of her dress shirt and into an off-the-shoulder crop top. She slipped into a pair of sneakers while making her way to her dresser where she sprayed herself in a cloud of perfume.

“You’re leaving again?”

“Yup. I spent so much time at the library today, I apparently neglected,” she air-quoted with an eye roll, “my girlfriend. At least that’s what she said.”

“The things we do to keep our loved ones happy.”

“Exactly.” Unleashing her long curls from a tight ponytail, she ran her fingers through them for a few seconds. Her beach-waves veiled her face, so she pushed them behind her ears to instead frame her near-perfect features. “Anyway, I’m staying at hers tonight, so don’t wait up for me.”

“Okay,” you agreed with a yawn, your roommate replying with a deep chuckle.

The past few days, you had mainly spent in your new room, settling in and getting ready for the start of the semester. You liked planning ahead, knowing your life was organised to a T, so you could focus on the important stuff. Your studies, and your boyfriend.

Your roommate seemed to have most of the same priorities. She had gone out every night since you moved in, be it to study at the library or spend some time with her better half. However she managed to squeeze in all the partying? You had no clue. You could only hope some of her togetherness rubbed off on you. But then again, never judge a book.

“I’m going to take you out one of these days. You are not going to be sitting inside all year. Not on my watch.”

Spending the first two days inside, you must have looked like the biggest couch potato ever.

“Sounds good.”

As she waltzed towards the door, you grabbed her attention one last time. The hallway lights blinded you with their brightness, framing her curves in a halo.

“Oh, and Hwasa?” She turned to face you, looking like she had jumped straight off a Vogue cover. How she did that without trying was a mystery to you. “Can you not tell Wheein he’s sleeping over? I wouldn’t want my first warning on the third day already.”

“Babe, as long as you’re my roommate, my dorm-supervisor-girlfriend won’t dare write you up. Just don’t set anything on fire, and you’re solid.”

With that, she waved goodbye, leaving you and your boyfriend alone. Well, apart from the ever-so-handsome Tom Holland, who somehow made full-body suits look like a reasonable choice of clothing.

Not soon after, your eyes fell close, sending you off into a deep rest.

Next Chapter >>>

Masterlist Leave feedback!

#strawberries & pineapples #kpop smut #stray kids smut #skz smut #stray kids x reader #stray kids imagines #skz x reader #skz imagines #stray kids scenarios #kpop fanfic #skz scenarios #skz fanfic #han jisung smut #han jisung x reader #stray kids fanfic #stray kids angst #skz hard thoughts #stray kids hard hours #skz hard hours #stray kids hard thoughts #stray kids fanfiction #han smut

[threecirclingbuzzards]

Three's Patch Clothing Masterpost!

Inspired by @genderfluid-and-confuzled 's own masterpost of his jackets, this is all three of my projects I have been actively adding to over the past year and a half!

The jacket that started it all for me, DisA. I started work on DisA all the way back in January 2022 [See my one year post for progress photos.] and she's been my main jacket for a lot of that time. If it's cold enough to wear a denim jacket, I'll be wearing DisA a lot of that time. Very full of pins and patches from that year of collecting, including a bunch of pins I found on the ground or was gifted.

I recently reorganized all the pins, so it may not perfectly line up with past photos, but this is photos I took following that so it's quite accurate at this moment.

My favourite piece is probably my handpainted art of Enne's House from VOIDWORLD, a comic by fellow tumblr users @wizard0rb and @musicsmithy . Appreciate you guys!

With my jacket covered, I have to go on to my Pink vest! I recently did the back's artwork in preparation for the pride parade this year, and I posted these pics here already as a precursor to this masterpost because I'm finally happy with it, however most patches were added a while ago. The vest is really nice for this summer, because it's really damn hot out lately.

The back of the vest has patch from the now closed shop run by Lauren of Stick and Poke, a fantastic Canadian Folk Punk band. That patch is probably the most treasured part of this vest to me, but it also has the pin set for Chloe and Max from life is strange on the pockets. Really had to take good care of those so they don't get too worn or damaged because they stopped selling those as well.

Finally, my pants! they got ripped, so I decided to put patches on them. These are still quite blank because I haven't found much I want to put on them, but I encourage any friend who's physically around me when I have them to draw or write on them, because I have done that a bit and want more people to do that too.

Most notable thing about these is that the big tan patch on the front is an extra pocket as well.

Those are my three patch projects! I love them all very much as you can probably tell. I also have a history of working on other people's jackets and such, it's somewhat my thing, but I don't have super great photos of some of that. @tacocat7997 's jacket was a lot of my handiwork, so if he takes photos and adds them in a reblog, I'll reblog the addition. Also worked on another friend's very recently, but it's still a work in progress, and I'm handing it back to them soon.

Also, because it was only to mend it, I left out my leather trenchcoat. I added a crow patch to that shoulder after it was ripped open against a brick wall because of some Nazi assholes chasing me. Fucking high school. Adios you wretched place.

#punk jacket #patch jacket #patch vest #patch pants #battle jacket #crust jacket #street punk #punk fashion #my jacket #masterpost #punk rock

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 29/03/2024

Luna, mi Amor

Season 8 No Album Release (Read More) K.K. Moody (Cherry Mix) - Animal Crossing: New Horizons

Ripped by Astor, BrahaMan Visuals by Café con leche, Elsix64

You've probably noticed if you've been reading day-by-day just how comparatively high the frequency of Season 8 rips has been already, at slightly more than one covered per week on average. That's of course because Season 8 has far more catching up to do in terms of coverage here on the blog - perhaps to be expected, given that it has only been running for about a month wheras the blog itself is now pushing past 10 months of activity. But to be clear - I'm not going to have my intentions of covering Season 8 rips at a higher rate cloud my judgement on what rips end up on here. I'll write when there's something to write about, as there was with Euler's Panties, Willievan Afton Polkka, and indeed today's rip - Luna, mi Amor.

Readers who keep up what I do on this blog besides these posts may have already been made aware of this rip's existence by this reblog of its key artwork, with Animal Crossing villager Cherry holding a bouquet of maroon pansies. It's entirely reasonable that the reference is lost on you, as it was for me - yet the presence of such visuals in the rip, paired with the beauty of the rip's audio, invigorated me to dig deeper. What I found was yet one more reminder of one of the things I've hammered home on this blog as one of SiIvaGunner's most defining aspects, not only recently with Poké Village but at pretty regular intervals in posts like As Miku Collides. What I found was one of the most beautiful displays of the SiIvaGunner channel's ability to be a melting pot of all different walks of life, and in this case, even extending to different parts of the world.

Much like the joke of the rip itself, initially the people who created it stood as a big question-mark for me. Its not that any of them are inexperienced rippers and/or artists - far from it - but their activity has largely been on SiIvaGunner fan channels as covered in V​-​v​-​v​-​v​-​v​-​a​-​V​-​v​-​v​-​v​-​v​-​v​-​r. This includes Vvvvvavvvvvvr itself and TimmyTurnersGrandDad, but more notably - channels you may not have heard of, like SiIvaLatin and GiIvaLatinSunner. As you can perhaps tell by their names, these are channels defined not solely by their independent nature, but specifically by the culture and memes prevalent in Latin America. And sure, we've had some funny Brazil-related postings on SiIva, but its predominantly stuff like Os Barões da Pisadinha - a meme that despite its origins has received somewhat mainstream attention outside of the Latin American regions, making rips like Rainbow Baroad understandable and funny even to outsiders like myself. Barões are great, don't get me wrong, but Luna, mi Amor feels like a far more personal, genuine, and heartfelt act of culture exchange. A way to give us SiIvaGunner viewers, who are out of the loop with the beauty of regions like South America, a peek into just what we're missing.

The joke of the rip, and by proxy the reference the artwork is hinting at, is to Mexico/Chilean musician and overall acclaimed artist Mon Laferte, and the single Amor Completo from her 2015 album Mon Laferte, Vol. 1. Luna, mi Amor is a melodyswap to this song - specifically having it be sung with the in-game vocalizations of the character featured in the artwork herself, Cherry - and the rip was so well done, that I felt a need to go listen to the original song. It's enchantingly beautiful and uplifting, yet at once a little bittersweet - the feelings of love, passion and true romance are completely understandable even past the language barrier. In that sense, I suppose Luna, mi Amor takes things yet one step further, beyond even what a rip like Moves Like K.K. did with Animal Crossing music as a source, in replacing those vocals to the explicitly unintelligible vocalizations of the Animal Crossing cast. The emotions in the rip can no longer be conveyed through vocalized words with meaning - no matter where in the world you live, Luna, mi Amor's beauty has to shine through in its music alone.

And, if it wasn't immensely evident by this point, I do believe it succeeds at that effort in spades. The gentle, nostalgic strumming of K.K. Slider's guitar works to excellent effect, but there's something just so endearing about hearing the sounds Animal Crossing vocals - which many of us likely associate with peppier songs like Bubblegum K.K. - attached to a piece with such passionate meaning ascribed to it. It's a fantastic rip on every front, but most importantly, it stands out in such a meaningful way. Amidst all the great stuff we've gotten in Season 8 thus far, be it bangers, reoccurring jokes, fun events or nostalgic reminiscing, I wouldn't necessarily say that Luna, mi Amor is my favorite - but it is perhaps the rip I've spent the longest thinking about, and by proxy the one that'll likely stay with me until the end of the year and beyond. The invitation to listen in to this small little nugget of culture from the other side of the world was one I was not expecting, but one I'm now very grateful to have received.

#todays siivagunner #season 8 #siivagunner #siiva #Astor #rip visuals #Café con leche #Elsix64 #Youtube #mon laferte #latin america #south america #chile #mexico #animal crossing #acnh #ac cherry #animal crossing cherry #acnl #animal crossing music #animal crossing movie

[marxism-leninism-meowism]

Binding Resources (2022)

So, I think we’ve all noticed by now: GC2B’s loss of quality has led to many people desperate for better and safer options for chest binding. In the past few years, their quality has dipped significantly, sizing is unreliable, binders are cheap and low quality so they start to fall apart rather quickly. Not great for daily use, right?

Because of this, more people have been seeking out alternative options. I’ve tried to gather up all the best options (based on word of mouth, as is tradition in our community) into one post. I’ve only tried a few methods personally, but for reference, I am very much plus size and my chest is currently DD cup, historically C cup (when I tried some options).

If anyone has any resources, advice, or personal experience with any of the companies/brands I’ve already included to add, I definitely encourage you to reblog with additions.

Keep reading below the cut for more info!

Tape Binding

TransTape

Price: Recurring Purchase. $20-$25 for starter kit (incl. 1 roll, nip patches, small removal oil, small salve), $13-$17 for single rolls, ~$90 for ultimate kit (incl. 3 rolls, nip patches, large removal oil, large salve). Subscriptions available.

Wearability: Very good, especially for those with existing health conditions such as asthma that limit the use of traditional binding methods.

Binding: Best for D-cup and lower. Success with larger chests vary from person to person.

Purchase Options: US Based. 3″, 4″, 5″ widths. Four skin tones available, plus four colors and one “inked” design.

Risks: Adhesive reactions, cutting off circulation in chest if done improperly, removal can cause irritation and skin tearing.

I've seen a lot of hype around TransTape. First off, the positives: TransTape is amazing at binding without causing breathing issues or back pain. You can wear it constantly, and it’s super helpful on hot days because you can go shirtless and not worry about your chest. It’s waterproof, as well, so it can last through showers and swimming just fine. BUT you need to know the possible downsides before investing in this method. TransTape is rather expensive, so keep the cost compared to how much you’ll be using each time you bind in mind—you’ll have to keep buying it, as well, so it’s not a long-term investment like binders are. This will take trial and error to know how much you’ll use and how long it lasts, because those things are different for everyone—this is not a low budget option.

This option does not come without it’s major issues, though. TransTape can be very harsh on your skin, even if you do the removal process correctly. This isn’t a universal problem, but even if you’ve never had issues with adhesives, test a strip on the thinnest skin on your chest, NOT your arm or somewhere else with thicker skin, specifically your chest. Leave it on for a few days before removing. TransTape has really good adhesives but even for me (someone who has never had negative reactions to adhesives) the TransTape ripped off a whole layer of skin and caused a lot of red rash-like irritation and some bleeding no matter how carefully I removed it. The adhesive also sticks to your skin for a bit, which is a horrible feeling. I know many people that haven't had all these issues with skin irritation but you need to test it before putting it all over your chest.

KT Tape / kinesiology tape

Price: Recurring purchase. $5+ depending on where and how much you purchase. Generic available.

Wearability: Very good, especially for those with existing health conditions such as asthma that limit the use of traditional binding methods.

Binding: Best for B-cup and lower. Success with larger chests vary from person to person.

Purchase Options: Worldwide. Available in multiple skin tones and non-skin tone colors. Many more brands and purchase options available for kinesiology tape than TransTape, so I can’t get more specific, but there’s plenty of options available.

Risks: Adhesive reactions, cutting off circulation in chest if done improperly, removal can cause irritation and skin tearing.

Using KT Tape for binding has roughly the same benefits and downsides as TransTape. Binding with tape does not restrict breathing or cause back pain, which is a huge improvement from standard binding, especially for people with preexisting health issues. KT Tape, however, has a few differences from TransTape. It’s cheaper, which could be a major plus, but it’s kind of taken away by the fact that KT Tape is typically narrower than TransTape, which means the chest size it can effectively bind is going to be lower unless you’re using a lot more of it and being very clever about placement. The only people I personally know that have success with KT Tape have very small chests.

It’s possible to have similar issues with the adhesive as TransTape, so I highly recommend doing the same strip test on the thinnest skin of your chest, same as you’d do with TransTape. I don’t know the specific adhesives used by each company, but I recommend doing a strip test even if you’ve already done it with TransTape, or if you’re buying a new brand of kinesiology tape. I know people who have had skin irritation with TransTape but none with KT Tape, and vice versa. It’s always best to be sure before causing rashes and skin tearing over your entire chest.

Traditional Binders

Underworks

Price: $32.99 (tri-top)

Wearability: Very good, fairly comfortable

Binding: Very good compression, seen recommended up to H cup.

Purchase Options: US based. White, black, and pale beige skin color. Size XS-3X available. (XS: 28-30″, 3X: 49-52″)

Risks: All the risks of traditional binding—back pain, breathing constriction, pain from wearing the wrong size.

I, of course, remember the old days when people warned against Underworks and touted GC2B as the best binder on the market. Those days are long past, however—and Underworks binders have become one of the most recommended brands. The company and its binders are primarily geared toward cis men with gynecomastia, but include trans folks in their descriptions. (In my opinion, the cis male models of their binders do a bit to boost gender euphoria, but that might just be me). Underworks binders are comfortable and tend to be good at compression, depending on the one you get (tri-top seems to be the best at compression, but others are looser and more comfortable.) Underworks binders also have a lower neckline than some other binders, so if you often wear shirts with lower necklines that’s definitely a plus. The main downsides are that their binders only come in three colors, their only skin tone being a pale beige, and they do not carry sizes over 3X. The company is also not queer-run.

**This review is mostly about the Tri-top Chest Binder, as that seems to be the option that binds the best, but the website has other options, including full-length binders and tank binders.

Spectrum Outfitters

Price: $45 / £38.00 GBP / €43.33

Wearability: Very good, very comfortable

Binding: Very good compression, even for large chests (have not heard specific cup sizes for this one, just recommendations from other plus size trans folks)

Purchase Options: UK based. Offered in four skin tones and a large assortment of colors. XXS-7X sizes available. (XXS: 25-27″, 7X: 47.5-49″)

Risks: All the risks of traditional binding—back pain, breathing constriction, pain from wearing the wrong size.

Spectrum is a UK-based company with incredibly comfortable binders that bind well. I’ve only heard good things about this company’s binders, especially in terms of comfortability. The most common sentiment is that they’re more comfortable or equally comfortable than pre-quality dip GC2B, and bind similarly. Their diversity in skin tone is a definite plus, and their non-skin tone colors are all very pleasing to the eye.

However, please keep an eye on the size chart—I’m not making a fuss about the XXS-7X sizing for a reason. The size 7X is equivalent to Underworks’ 3X, so it’s a bit of faux size inclusivity there. I generally fit into 2X/3X clothing, and based on my measurements, a 7X Spectrum binder would very likely be slightly too small for me, which is pretty disappointing.

Shapeshifters

Price: $85 minimum. Additional $22 for zipper in location of choice, $25-32 for a hood, and $1 for a taper-in at the waist. $115 minimum for custom print binders with ANY design—create your own fabric via Spoonflower or pick one another user already created.

Wearability: Very good due to being made to your measurements. Their optional additions, such as the zippers and relaxed fit, make these binders very accessible for folks with disabilities and/or preexisting health conditions.

Binding: Very good compression. Again, I have no recommended cup size, but due to being custom made they tend to be good at binding large chests.

Purchase Options: US based. Custom-made for your measurements with eight free fine-tuning options. Tons of options to customize since they’re made to order.

Risks: All the risks of traditional binding—back pain, breathing constriction, etc.

Shapeshifters is definitely one of the companies I’ve heard recommended most. Aside from being custom tailored to your measurements, they also use relatively comfortable fabrics, and you can even get mesh binders for breathability, or lace binders for the aesthetic. Since they offer a relaxed fit option, as well, I’d recommend Shapeshifters as one of the best traditional binders for those with asthma or other conditions that might prevent other traditional binders. Their zipper add-ons are also very good if you have limited range of motion.

The main downsides are both due to the nature of custom tailored garments: price point and timeframe. The price point is definitely out of range for a lot of low-budget trans folks, but if you have the ability to splurge for a custom-fit binder, it’s definitely a great option. I don’t believe the price point is unreasonably high, because it’s a small queer-run business, but it just isn’t in budget for many. As for the timeframe, you have to keep in mind that these binders are made to order so they will not be getting to you as fast as a pre-made binder from another company.

GenderBender

Price: $61 for half binder, $69 (cue funny number giggles) for full length

Wearability: Good, especially for plus size folks or those with large chests

Binding: Very good, especially for large chests

Purchase Options: US based. White, black, light skin tone, dark skin tone. XXS-6X sizes available. (XXS: 26-29″, 6X: 59-64″)

Risks: All the risks of traditional binding—back pain, breathing constriction, pain from wearing the wrong size.

Now, GenderBender is a new recommendation to me, so I don’t have much to say about them out of a lack of personal experience and lack of specific recommendations from other trans folks. I do want to point out that their sizing is actually size inclusive, unlike Spectrum—GB’s 6X is ten inches bigger than Spectrum’s 7X. GenderBender also offers zipper binders for a very small upcharge (to clear up possible confusion: unlike the regular binders, the zipper binders are split into two listings on their site—plus sizes are under the “zip plus” listing.) Definitely consider getting one of the zipper binders if getting in and out of binders is an issue for you!

They only have two skin tone options and no fun colors for their regular binders, so that’s a bit of a downside. They do, however, offer swim binders in additional colors, and zipper swim binders, which are worth checking out as well.

If anyone has any more information on GenderBender’s quality and fit, feel free to reblog with your experience!

ForThem

Price: $48

Wearability: Comfortable

Binding: Not great—fits like a high impact sports bra.

Purchase Options: US Based. No skin tones, about ten colors. Seem to offer sizes for up to 60″ chests and be custom designed.

Risks: All the risks of traditional binding—back pain, breathing constriction, pain from wearing the wrong size. 

ForThem’s The Binder has been all over social media ads lately, so of course I had to include a section on it. From what I’ve heard, The Binder is comfortable, but does not bind well—rather, it fits like a high impact/compression sports bra, which is not going to give the compression and flattening most trans folks are looking for.

The website is also hellish to navigate. It took me forever to figure out how their sizing works, due to the “aesthetic” names they’ve given sizes and the way the site is almost impossible to navigate. They also require your phone number to even see the size you need. I could not find out if they offer upcharges for sizes or if they even offer add-ons, either.

I don’t personally recommend this brand, even without having tried it myself—judging by the experiences of others who have tried it, it’s just not worth it. Also: flash/strobe and eyestrain warning for the website, if you plan on checking it out.

Special Mentions

Paxsies - I know very little about this brand, so any personal experience with them is welcome. Only offer up to size 2X.

TomboyX - Offers compression tops, but I don’t believe they are proper binders. Potentially a good option for those that can’t handle traditional binders due to breathing problems. There’s also the issue with TomboyX’s branding being a potential dysphoria point for some.

Binding Info

Now that you’ve got a good picture of all the binding options available, I’m going to take this time to note all the risks and tips I’m personally aware of. These may all be a given for those experienced with binding, but if you’re new to it, please make sure to keep these things in mind!

First, no matter what binder you choose to get, you MUST make sure you buy the right size. Do not downsize with binders—there are so many dangers, from breathing restriction all the way to breaking ribs (yes, that last one has happened). You may, however, size up with little detriment to the binding capability of the binder, and sometimes it makes a world of a difference for comfort. Do not layer binders, as well: that’s a recipe for disaster.

Remember that your comfort comes first, and you do not have to sacrifice comfort for a good bind. Pain does not mean the binder is making you flatter. In fact, it could be just the opposite, depending on the binder.

Give yourself frequent breaks, and do not bind for more than eight hours. If you can, carry a sports bra with you if you plan on leaving home with your binder, so you can quickly change if the binder begins to cause breathing problems, begins to cause pain, or you’re required to run/exercise for any reason.

For large chested folks: I highly recommend zipper binders. Your binder size does not typically change based on cup size, but it WILL be more difficult to get in and out of the binder—a problem that is typically solved with zipper binders.

Keep in mind that if you have a large chest (as in, larger than C or D cup, typically) you will most likely not achieve a perfectly flat chest. Binders can’t make the tissue disappear—they just redistribute it to appear much flatter. Do not downsize if you can’t achieve a flat chest. It will not help, it will just cause you pain and potentially injury. If it helps, look up cis men without shirts—they are rarely flat, whether it be a product of exercise creating buff pectorals, or plus size men having extra chest tissue due to their weight.

Final Notes

These are ONLY the companies I’ve heard frequent mentions of and know enough about to include. Again, if anyone has any more recommendations or additions, PLEASE reblog with your experience—I highly value all input from other trans folks. Even if your experience is contradictory to what I’ve written here, your experience is valuable to give everyone the most information possible to make an informed decision.

Thank you for taking the time to read through this! I hope this post can help at least a few of you with your binding journeys. You all deserve all the love and respect in the world, so know that you are loved, appreciated, and affirmed, even if the people currently in your life don’t.

-bjorn

#trans #trans men #transmasc #binding #chest binding #binding resources #binder #transgender #transmasculine #trans boy #lgbtq #lgbtq resources #resources #nonbinary #afab #plus size

[aemiron-main]

reposting one of my mike analyses

ok so this post/writeup/reblog of mine is tied to a reblog by @laozuspo that can be found here & references quotes from it but i’m also putting it here in its own post because of all the recent discussion of mike’s mental health.  You can also find the google doc version of this here and I’m going to put the full post below the cut as well. This post centers around Mike’s mental health, his suicidality, the quarry, and the way that fans and in-show characters perceive mike through the lens of other people/characters instead of seeing him through his own lens & compare him to other people instead of comparing him to himself & how this results in people either accidentally ignoring or intentionally ignoring and dismissing his struggle and how some people are falling hook, line and sinker for the exact lessons about silent suffering, invisible queerness (gay men specifcially especially), and confronting one’s own personal biases and worldview that the duffers are trying to setup via mike’s character. so much of mike’s character is directed towards people who don’t see themselves as outwardly bigoted/judgemental/biased but still have those biases (as we all do) and people almost like ted, whose ‘neutrality’ and ignorance results in suffering much in the same way active hatred/bigotry does and the notion of being queer in the ‘right way,’ or suffering mentally in the ‘right way’. 

(the italicized/blockquoted sections are quotes from a reblog by @laozuspo that can be found here) 

 SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP YOURE SO RIGHT WITH ALL OF THIS!!!!! SO TRUE SO CORRECT AS ALWAYS!!! i have so fucking much to say about all of this so buckle up because i have had some Realizations including more about the quarry.



Literally, Mike's behaviour to the shootout is so tied to this pattern of behaviour that we've already seen with Mike. Something that interests me that I noticed about the shootout is not only do we have Mike defending Will, but Mike is also leaning pretty far out from the wall to the point where Jonathan has to pull him  back in. He's not just defending Will, he's also putting himself in a position where it's easier to get killed, and he may not even be doing this intentionally, it just may be that his own safety isn't even a thought for him, he's not even considering it.

"no mentally healthy child does that. no one who values their own life highly does that. there are other ways to protect your friend that don’t involve putting yourself in mortal danger.



he doesn’t care, though. he didn’t look for other ways, he just places himself in shielding positions over and over again even as the house is literally being ripped apart by bullets. he jumps in front of Will, hangs back so he can be the one behind Will/let Will run first, etc.



it could be argued that “he just loves Will that much, it has nothing to do with his own mental state and perception of his self worth”, but knowing what we know about him, his mental health, and the value he places on his life…unlikely."

YEP YEP YEP YEP THANK YOU!!!!!! HE DOESNT LOOK FOR OTHER WAYS HE USES HIMSELF TO SHIELD WILL, LETS WILL GO FIRST, AND LITERALLY ALSO JUST FORGETS/DOESNT CONSIDER TO PROTECT HIMSELF AT ALL. and if it was just about his love for will imo, we wouldn't have seen the way that he leans out past the wall and jonathan has to pull him back in. he didn't need to do that in order to protect will. it doesnt make any sense when just viewed through the lens of protecting will because mike leaning out like that did literally nothing for wills protection. what it is, is it's the result of mike's lack of consideration for himself and his own life and wellbeing.

 "people are always like “wahh we want s1/2 mike back”, but we see Mike displaying the same behavior here that he has across all seasons." 

 SO FUCKING TRUE AND I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT MIKES INVISIBILITY AND HOW BOTH FANS AND IN-CANON CHARACTERS ARE IGNORING MIKES BEHAVIOUR BECAUSE IT ISNT SOMETHING LIKE THE CLIFF ANYMORE!! like just because he's not stepping of a cliff right not doesn't mean that his issues magically disappeared?? like what i'm saying is that mike has set a suicidality bar so high with his behaviour that then when people feel that he's not meeting that bar, not walking off of cliffs anymore, that he must be fine or not suicidal. people want s1/s2 mike back because his actions and motivations were more obvious, his struggles aligned more with their preconceived, biased notions about suicidality and mental health,  s1 and s2 mike is easier to see through a Will Lens or a Dustin Lens or an El Lens or a "My Own Experiences As A Person Lens" instead of a MIKE LENS because god forbid they have to consider subtext instead of choosing to ignore it even when people point it out. its one thing to miss subtext i do that constantly 24/7. its another to willfully ignore it and not even provide a counterargument when people point it out. 

  and going back quickly to s1/s2 mike and how his behaviour aligns more with peoples' preconceived notions about suicidality than s3 and s4 mike's does, mike's actions in s1/s2 align more with that 'romanticized' view of suicidality, the literal dramatic 'stepping off of a cliff to save his friend but also because he has such little regard for himself' and that WORKS to have the effect that the duffers want, that 'romanticized' approach to it WORKS. it's fucking painful and evokes emotions in the way that 'romanticized' versions of things often do. but as soon as they shift away from that romanticization, people stop believing that it's there. just like mike's sexuality, as soon as it's shifted away from being able to be seen through an external lens, as soon as it has to be viewed through a Mike Lens, people start dismissing it. just like how canon characters dismiss mike. People are falling hook line and sinker for what the duffers have set up here and hell i dont blame them because it's a brilliant setup that forces people to confront their own biased notions about suicidality and mental health and internalized homophobia and sexuality as a whole. it's the epitome of 'people who are drowning don't look like they're drowning.' people are so focused on how will is splashing in the water, they see him and his attempts to keep himself afloat, they see his splashing and his struggle and mistake it for drowning. and while it IS  a struggle, while hes not OUT of the water, he IS staying afloat. but then they overlook mike entirely, because he’s not splashing! They don’t see his struggle in the same way that they see will’s struggle: but that lack of splashing SHOULD be what they’re looking for. They’re looking for the splashing to indicate drowning but they SHOULD be looking for the lack of it, because the splashing means that somebody is still keeping themselves up, still fighting, hasn’t drowned yet. And so people pay attention to mike when he splashes, when he walks off of a cliff, but they STOP paying attention to him once the splashing stops, once he’s ACTUALLY fucking drowning. Like again going back to seeing things  and mike’s experiences from an external lens vs a mike lens, when it comes to the drowning analogy, from mike’s pov/lens, when he’s splashing in the water, he’s safer, he’s less likely to drown, he’s STRUGGLING but the struggle is GOOD because it means he’s still alive, he hasn’t drowned, whereas when he stops struggling, from his pov, it’s hopeless and he’s drowning and dying.  JUST like how hopper said to remember the hurt, because the hurt is good, because it means you’re out of that cave. Will is out of the cave/goes in and out of it but always comes out because people around him help pull him out. And as a result, more people SEE WILL and SEE his struggle because they see him out of the cave and going in and out. People don’t see mike’s struggle as much because he’s still IN THE CAVE MORE THAN WILL IS THEY CANT SEE HIM BECAUSE HES IN THE FUCKING CAVE. and the cave is like the closet, too! Will is out of the closet in the sense that he’s out to himself, has admitted his sexuality to himself, and so when we get his pov, he’s out of the closet, he’s out of the cave, his head is above water. Sure, he’s splashing! That closet door is still open, he could go back in! He could go back into the cave. But he doesn’t, and it’s reflected in his POV and how his struggles, his splashing are more obvious to the audience, how his sexuality is more obvious because he’s out to himself, his pain and IH is more obvious because he’s ACCEPTING IT more and ADDRESSING that pain. Mike on the other hand? Mike comes out and goes back in and this is reflected in his pov. Mike comes out of the cave, out of the closet to himself more in early s4, with hellfire and that whole section of the show, but then he goes back into the closet, literally goes IN THE CLOSET AT RINK O MANIA, he goes back into that cave. And so people assume his struggle is over/doesn't exist/is less than Will’s because we aren’t seeing the splashing, we aren’t seeing Mike, we don’t see him out of the closet or out of the cave. 

 But the thing is, the lack of splashing is what indicates his struggle, that he’s losing the fight, we can’t see him or his sexuality as clear anymore because it’s his pov and he’s in the closet to HIMSELF, not admitting it to HIMSELF. We can’t see him because he went BACK IN THE CAVE, not because he just wandered far away from it and out of our view and getting away from his pain scott-free. People say that they don’t see Mike’s struggle and use that as evidence as to why it doesn’t exist. Setting aside the fact that we DO see it sometimes, we DO see him splashing in the same way that Will does, the thing is, the fact that we don’t see the struggle or the splashing, those moments where we don’t see it should actually be the BIGGEST indicator that it exists. The lack of splashing means he’s fucking drowning, not that he just magically rose out of the water and walked away. like some sort of pseudo-jesus. Just like how Ted is the epitome of the bystander effect, the epitome of ‘’welp! The splashing stopped, the rebellion stopped, the outbursts stopped, so Mike must be fine,” and how that’s affected Mike and resulted in him feeling like he might as well not fight because he splashes and splashes and fights and fights and people like Ted and the audience start to notice but as soon as Mike starts losing energy to fight, as soon as the REAL danger sets in, people stop noticing. But Will doesn’t stop noticing, at least not permanently, which is a whole other fucking topic I need to talk about at some point. Like that’s another fascinating thing about the rink o mania fight and how it ties into mike’s mental health AND sexuality and IH: will isn’t upset because mike said some mean thing to him over the phone over the last few months. Will isn’t upset because he got hit with ‘its not my fault you dont like girls 2.0’. Will is upset because Mike didn’t talk to him. He’s initially upset because Mike stopped splashing and so Will initially assumes, like Ted assumes, like other people assume, that Mike is fine. But throughout s4, we see Will realizing that Mike ISN’T fine, that Will was WRONG and that the lack of splashing is WHAT indicated how much Mike was hurting. We see Will realize that Mike tried to call him, tried splashing, but nobody saw him, that Will didn’t see him or realize that Mike had tried calling, that Mike was drowning. Will didn’t realize until rink o mania that maybe HE should have picked up the fucking phone and called instead of assuming that the silence mean that Mike was fine and didn’t want to talk to Will, Will realizes that he was looking for the splashing but instead should have been looking for the stillness!! Will realizes that he himself is out here splashing and struggling but that he’s still staying afloat, still had hope for his relationship with Mike, still made the painting. Will realizes that Mike stopped splashing, went silent, because he lost all hope for his relationship with Will, just like how Mike acts weird at the airport because he’s stopped splashing, he’s stopped trying. We see Will noticing this!! 

 Whether you believe that Mike has an ED or not, it is 100% canon that we see Will staring at Mike’s plate repeatedly during food scenes, and not just a single side glance in a big shot, but a focused stare in an intimate, close shot like the s4 breakfast scene. We see Will’s expression when Nancy mentions Mike’s bedroom at the end of S4. He looks CONCERNED, not amused. We see how Will gives Mike a speech and a painting to try and make Mike feel better right after Mike starts talking self-deprecatingly about himself. We see Will try and take the blame during the bedroom apology, say that ‘he deserved it,’ BECAUSE Will is coming to realizations about Mike’s actions and why Mike’s acting the way that he does. Will didn’t actually deserve it, but he does feel like he did because now that he’s seeing that Mike DID try and reach out and that Mike felt like their relationship was beyond saving and was devastated by this, now that he’s seeing that Mike IS drowning, Will feels like he deserved what happened at rink o mania, because he was operating under biased assumptions about Mike and not seeing Mike through a Mike Lens. But now, Will is seeing Mike through a Mike lens, at least way more than he was before, so why can’t people on here?? If WILL HIMSELF can get past his own experiences and biases and see Mike through his own lens and not a Will Lens, why can’t other people? Oh right, because unlike many other people, Will is willing to let go of his preconceived conclusions about Mike’s behaviour and character and sexuality, whereas many other people analyzing Mike would rather draw conclusions first and then analyze around that conclusion. Hell, Will still struggles with seeing Mike through a biased lens, which is why he codes his confession as being from El, because he’s not quite seeing through the full Mike lens, he’s not aware of Mike’s feelings for him and thinks that the painting/speech being from El is what will make Mike happiest. But even though Will is still struggling with seeing through the Mike Lens, he is trying SO FUCKING HARD to see through it. And don’t even get me started on how this ties into the themes of ‘normalcy’ in ST and how it ties into Henry and your posts about him and how he’s the ‘big bad’ and not the mindflayer and how the people who seem ‘normal’ are the ones that we should be watching out for the most in terms of being dangerous predators, but also how the people who seem ‘normal,’ who are trying to seem ‘normal,’ like Mike are the ones who we should be watching out the most for in regards to suicidality. Everyone thinks Mike is ‘normal’ because they’re comparing him to OTHER PEOPLE, seeing him through EXTERNAL LENSES, esp in s3 and s4. But when you compare Mike to HIMSELF, when you use the MIKE LENS, it’s OBVIOUS THAT HE’S NOT NORMAL!! Like if the s4 airport scene was our first introduction to Mike? If we were a bystander witnessing it? We would think he was ‘normal’ for the most part, we wouldn’t be able to draw conclusions about his feelings and sexuality and internal struggle from it- and that’s the flaw of seeing Mike through an external lens, because it compares Mike to other people and makes him seem ‘normal’ and erases his struggle with both his sexuality and his mental health, whereas Mike HAS to be seen through a MIKE LENS, an internal lens, compared to HIMSELF, you have to compare hellfire Mike to Lenora Mike to see the differences!! You can’t just compare Lenora Mike to Lenora Will!!

S4 especially is forcing people to see mike through the mike lens and  yet they still try to resist it. im gonna talk about it more later but this ties into mike's behaviour in s3 and s4 and being an 'asshole' and how people are so quick to write him off the moment that the show tries to make them see him and his struggles through a MIKE LENS rather than any other fucking lens. like part of the genius of mike's character and how hes written and portrayed is that he lends himself easily to being viewed through other characters' lenses and experiences BECAUSE HE values himself and views himself relative to other people and relative to his value towards them and because we're shown less of his internal struggle that will for example. but you have to look past that. you have to look through the mike lens. (when i say 'you' i mean a general 'you,' not you specifically tumblr user laozuspo because i KNOW you see through the mike lens 100%.

  Like people were shocked when Mike walked off the cliff but then continue to ignore the very behaviour and patterns and thought process that lead him to walk off of that cliff. they're surprised because they keep ignoring it. just like how a lot of people are going to be surprised in s5 when mike is shown to still struggle with these issues- they're going to be surprised by the outcome because they've been ignoring the signs and symptoms this entire time.

  And i need to make another post abt this at some point but i feel strongly that the 'invisibility' of mike's struggle in  s3 and s4 (even though it's not actually invisible it's just not being literally point blank stated to our faces) is intentional because it's meant to demonstrate how people ignore his struggle until he's at his breaking point and then act surprised when he lashes out or steps off of a cliff. it's meant to demonstrate how people ignore the signs of suicidality, even when theyre SO OBVIOUS, because the signs dont fit their preconceived notions of what a suicidal person is like.

   And this goes back to my other post about people viewing mike's sexuality through a Will Lens: they do the same with his mental health and suicidality. mike is less able to cope with that suicidality than will. because mike is invisible. he doesnt have that family support. people in-canon (nancy making jokes about the state of mike's room whereas will looks concerned about it, mikes family ignoring his obvious lack of appetite/food issues whereas we see will staring at mike's plate repeatedly with concern and dont even get me started on how mike was the one to make the 'real food' comment to el back in s1 and how 'real food' was tied to family and happiness for el via mike's comments but now we only see evidence of poptarts and cereal in the basement and literally NEVER see him eat 'real food' of his own volition etc) ignore the signs of his failing mental health, and people in the fandom watching the show do too.

  Hell, i think that people around Will, his family, have likely worried that will would be suicidal at some point in his life because of all the shit he's experienced even going as far back as lonnie, and so while i don't think that they had a 'hey Will dont kill yourself' talk point blank, i DO think that people like joyce and jonathan made it clear that they're there to support will and that he can talk to them.

  (like the 'i feel like a mistake' speech is directly connected to the scene with jonathan and while YES it is a 'coming out' scene for will, it's also a 'jonathan letting will know that he's there for will and not wanting will to feel like a mistake for ANY REASON' scene, it's BOTH)

  "imo Mike is clearly openly depressed in s4. The state of his room, the lack of eating, the dark circles under his eyes, the excerpt from Lucas on the Line…not a pretty picture."

 YEP!!! GOD I NEED TO MAKE A BIG POST ABOUT HIS MENTAL HEALTH BECAUSE YEP!! like imo its unlikely that the dark circles are an accident like sure people like finn and myself and other people can just have them naturally but if the makeup dept didn't want to show them, they would have covered them up?? and not emphasized them the way they seem to?? and they wouldn't have lit him in a way that emphasizes them for mike but doesnt emphasize them for will or any other characters in so many scenes??

  and god i need to make my full post abt mike's lack of eating because the fact that we see apple jacks/poptarts, things that are similar to eggos and therefore are deemed not 'real food' by mike and the 'real food' conversation between mike and el in s1 and what that represents for mike and how imo a fair few of his eating issues stem from his family especially considering the tension and fighting that we often see at the wheeler table and how we often see mike just picking at his food in those scenes and how we also see him turning to not 'real food' (doritos etc) in season 3 when he's stressed/upset and we don't see him eating 'real food'  (no shame over anyones food choices im just picking up on patterns of mikes behaviour w food and how 'real food' is defined in the context of the show).

 

"He’s been prone to suicidality since s1, when we realize that to him, his life has very little value, and he was willing to throw it away. He knew the rocks were there, he just didn’t care, especially in the wake of Will’s death." 

  YEP!! THANK YOU!! and oh my god i have so much to say about how mike cares about other people and centers his own life and value around others and his ability to help for others and care for others so when that 'fails' (when el leaves in s1 and when he thinks hes lost will forever) his perception of his own value is literally reduced to zero. ffs the cliff was even more tempting to him when considered through this lens because not only did he feel like he failed will and el and therefore had no purpose/value, but he was also able to HELP DUSTIN by stepping off.

  He gets hit by both sides because his lack of feeling useful/helpful to others makes him want to step off AND stepping off will make him useful/helpful to others?? the cliff was literally a carrot being dangled in front of mike's face. the cliff wasn't a challenge for mike so much as it was a literal dangling 'help others and punish yourself for failing to help others AND for actively hurting someone like el' carrot in front of mike's face. he barely had to be verbally pushed to do it. dustin was begging him NOT TO. hell I think part of the only fucking reason he hesitated at all was because dustin was begging him not to and again dustin is another person that mike doesnt want to hurt or disappoint either but then mike imo ends up weighing dustins hurt of seeing mike jump vs dustin's hurt of losing his baby teeth and deems the hurt of losing mike as a lesser pain for dustin to bear.

   Mike literally, canonically, in the show, values himself less than dustin's baby teeth, thinks that the pain of losing mike and watching mike kill himself is less painful than losing some baby teeth, because mike struggles to conceptualize of himself having value, of his loss hurting someone, he see himself as so insignificant that he thinks that his death is something that dustin could more easily get over than the loss of his baby teeth. like literally i cannot get over the fact that the reason that mike hesitated was likely only/99% because DUSTIN begged him not to and he didnt want to hurt dustin. the cliff and walking off of it isn't a threat or a challenge for mike. it's a fucking dangling carrot treat for that self-loathing part of his brain. the cliff and stepping off of it isn't a problem to him, it's the SOLUTION to his problems, in his mind at least.

  This is what i mean when i say that people need to see mike through his own eyes and himself and the world through mike's lens rather than seeing mike and the world and the show through will's lens or dustin's lens or any other external. because we can only understand mike and the depth of his character and mental state via his lens, by seeing things and himself the way that HE does.

  'Mike's room isn't that bad lol it doesnt look like the depressed rooms I'VE seen, it doesn't look like MY experience with depressed rooms and neither does the basement, mike isn't depressed because it doesn't meet my standards/experiences or the standards and experiences of other characters' ok well try comparing it to the previous presentations we've seen of mike's bedroom and the basement. start viewing it through MIKE'S lens. not yours. not will's. not nancy's. MIKE'S. compare how neat and tidy his bedroom was in s1. compare how  neat and tidy the basement was in s1 and s2 and how even though it did get messy in s3 that's because the basement is a reflection of his mental state and mike is struggling again in s3 especially during the scenes with will in the basement. Compare mike to HIMSELF, not to others, just like how i already talked about with hellfire mike vs lenora mike. 

  'Mike's food habits arent that bad, i just don't see him struggling with food because it doesnt align with MY experiences and preconceived notions about food issues or with other characters' experiences and therefore i dont think him struggling with food is actually a struggle/that its shown in the show'

  Don't just compare it to your experiences or other characters' experiences or your interactions with food or other characters' interactions with food: compare it with MIKE'S previous interactions with food too. Outside comparisons can totally be valuable but should not be the sole/main lens for a perceiving a character. Compare that character to THEMSELF, to previous versions of themself, previous seasons, ages, episodes, etc. Look at how Mike talks about ‘real food,’ in s1, look at how often we see him eating ‘real food’ in s1 compared to s4, look at what the dynamics are like at the wheeler table during meals in s1 vs s2 and how it becomes more tense by the end of s1 and ESPECIALLY in s2. Look at  how we didn’t GET a wheeler dinner table scene in s3 and s4, look at how we got Mike putting poptarts in a toaster in s4 but don’t even see him eat them and how that contrasts to the wheeler family breakfast back in s1 where we see them all sit there and see Mike eating eggs, and how even THEN, Nancy was making comments about Mike’s food choices and there was other tension at the table too. Look at the s3 dinner table scene at the Holloways while “american pie,” plays in the background, a song about loss of innocence and deep cultural changes and a farewell to the american dream in the grand scheme of things, sure, but ALSO a song and a SCENE that narratively creates that tie between dinner tables/nuclear family/american dream dinners like the Wheelers versus stress and tension and death. And then think long and hard about how that scene is very much a dramatized version of the Wheeler dinner table and how Heather’s dad treats Heather’s mother in a harsher way than Ted treats Karen, but the conflict between them is still there in both cases. 

  Look at how the dinner table is turned into a place of fear and anxiety and literal death after the Holloways are knocked out and kidnapped, and then look at how we see Mike in that house in a later episode, look at how Nancy seems to be the one who figured out what happened, because both of them HAVE that association with dinner tables and conflict on a subconscious level. Look at how in S3, we see Mike eating not ‘real food’ in the basement but don’t see a wheeler family dinner scene like we did in previous scenes. Look at how we don’t see those nuclear family dinner table scenes for the Byers, they rarely eat together, but in S3 we do see Will peacefully eating at the table, having breakfast, because the Byers aren’t dysfunctional in the same way as the Wheelers, Will doesn’t face that same ‘sit down at the dinner table and eat while also being emotionally neglected and dismissed about your clear mental health struggles the moment you start splashing so then you just go back to drowning while you watch your parents fight and feel like its your fault which feeds into your suicidality in terms of not wanting to  hurt other people and how your perception of your value is tied to how other people treat you and how you impact them’ that Mike does. Will is able to eat at his own schedule, but he’s also not totally alone/left to fend for himself!! And that’s all another reason why the S4 breakfast scene between Mike and Will is so interesting to me, in addition to Will clearly staring at Mike’s plate like I already talked about: because we get visual callbacks to the wheeler table! We get the fancy syrup and people sitting around a table and being expected to come down (El, who doesn’t show up, just like how Nancy doesn’t show up earlier in one of the seasons and Ted comments on it to Karen, yet another El-Nancy parallel), we get the syrup. We get the tension, the emotional tension between Will and Mike and Mike and El just like the tension at the Wheeler table. Mike is reminded of the Wheeler table in that scene and imo that’s part of why he looks SO uncomfortable and BARELY even plays with his food. Like in the Murray’s Dinner scene, it was actually a bit LESS like the wheeler table despite being more of a ‘family dinner,’ because the DYNAMIC is different, murray and joyce are different from Mike’s parents, and so, Mike is just a LITTLE bit more comfortable, he’s still deeply uncomfortable, but he’s MORE comfortable than he is at breakfast the next day! And this is reflected in his behaviour! Risotto Dinner mike still sips at his drink, plays with his food more. Breakfast Mike? Breakfast Mike doesn’t even fucking touch his drink, barely plays with his food. Will stares for a fairly long glance at Breakfast Mike’s plate.

 We DO see Will glance at Mike’s plate and stare at it for a second and look concerned during the Risotto dinner too (and imo Murray also noticed Mike’s lack of eating and I feel that his ‘I sense tension. What’s wrong? Everybody hates the risotto’ comment had a double meaning because a.) the tension is there but Murray clearly sees people eating the risotto?? He watches Will literally talk with his mouth full of risotto?? So him picking up on the tension cant just be based on that and b.) The opposite too, Murray commenting on people not eating the risotto/hating it can’t just be based on the tension. He’s noticing that Mike isn’t eating and is wondering why, if it’s because of the tension or the risotto or what). But even though the risotto dinner is a bit less like the wheeler table, just a bit, the tension is still there. Mike still directly parallels his father when making a comment about El the way that Ted makes a comment about Karen during that one ‘what did i do” dinner scene.

And this and the discussion of Mike's eating problems as a whole goes back to what I said about Mike's struggle being erased and how people want s1/s2 mike back because his actions (walking off of a cliff) align more with the stereotypical and 'romanticized' version of suicidality and dare I say, lots of people are viewing Mike’s eating issues through a romanticized lens of what eating disorders/problems are like and what they’re defined as and how they develop and present. They’re not just viewing him through an external lens, but a romanticized external lens at that. A few people wanted to accuse ME of 'romanticizing' mike's ed/food issues by pointing it out. But THOSE people are the ones with a romanticized viewpoint of EDs because they can't see Mike's because it doesn't align with that romanticized viewpoint. Take off the biased, romanticized goggles, and IMO his struggles are clear as day. 

   'mike's self isolation isn't that bad, we can't rely on what's in lucas on the line, it's not the show and in the show we see him at hellfire and smiling, right? so clearly he isn't isolating himself or struggling in the way that you guys think he is!” again quit seeing him through an external lens. Look at how Mike was previously, look at him being around his friends and social and defending them literally to the fucking DEATH versus s4 Mike struggling with a simple DND argument with Lucas and letting it pull them apart. Look at S1 Mike who clearly not only FELT deeply guilty about his fight with Lucas but also fought to resolve it. Now look at S4 mike who feels the SAME GUILT but is pulling away and isolating himself and feels almost as if Lucas is better off without him. Mike and Dustin were being dicks about DND, I’m NOT excusing their behaviour towards Lucas, but I AM trying to understand it. Explaining and understanding is not the same as excusing. Even then, during that scene, DUSTIN takes the lead more than Mike, we see Mike look to Dustin for approval during that ‘maybe I don’t want to be a freak/nerd’ scene with Lucas, And I’m gonna talk abt this more at another time/in my analysis but I also think that part of Mike’s response to that scene and why he’s more willing to withdraw and isolate from Lucas in s4 than he was in S1 is due to the fact that Hellfire works as an allegory for queerness and the clear ties between ‘freak’ and ‘fag,’ and so when Lucas starts talking about not wanting to be a ‘freak’ anymore, and not wanting Dustin or Mike to  have to be ‘freaks’ either, and then ALSO ties that to attraction to girls because he’s ‘sick of girls laughing at him,’ Mike starts panicking and isolating a bit because unlike Dustin and Lucas (to an extent because I saw some great posts about the racial connotations of ‘freak’ too and Lucas not wanting to be ostracized for who he is esp considering how much racism he’s faced in Lucas on the Line and how he can’t change his skin colour), Mike can’t change the fact that he’s a freak. Because ‘freak’ is paralleled to ‘fag’ in ST and Mike can’t change his sexuality. 

  So unlike Dustin, who doesn’t roll over as easily and takes the lead and argues with Lucas a bit more (Mike starts out the same way but once Lucas talks about not wanting to be a freak/talks about girls laughing at him, mike’s demeanour totally shifts and he gets anxious looking and quiet and starts look at dustin for reassurance/to take the lead), Mike stays quieter and resigns himself to his fear that he might lose Lucas over being a ‘freak’/queer. Because from MIKE’S POV at least Dustin can change the fact that he plays DND, at least Dustin can change whether or not he does nerdy things. He shouldn’t have to, but he CAN. Mike, on the other hand can’t change his queerness. But with that said, I have something important to say in regards to ‘Lucas, Dustin, Mike and the concept of being freaks and whether or not they can change it,’ because Lucas and Dustin CAN’T change it either, but Mike hasn’t quite clicked onto that because he’s so fixated on his own queerness and coming to terms with it and his own internalized homophobia. Mike feels like Lucas and Dustin are able to make a choice not to be ‘freaks,’ but doesn’t realize that Lucas is labelled a ‘freak’/outcast in hawkins as a result of being black, and Dustin is labelled a ‘freak’/outcast in hawkins due to his Cleidocranial dysplasia. Both of those are things that they can’t change. 

  I am NOT saying Lucas is homophobic. At all. He is 100000% not homophobic he is my son and he is brilliant and kind and wasn’t fully in the wrong at ALL and I adore him. I am NOT saying that lucas can ACTUALLY change himself/make people see him not as a freak. I’m saying that Mike THINKS that lucas can change himself and doesn’t make the tie between Lucas’ race being a large part of why he’s treated as a ‘freak,’ and doesn’t understand that racial targeting that Lucas has faced and why Lucas wants to try and get away from anything ELSE that labels him as a freak/puts a target on his back (see: hellfire) because he already faces so much targeting and ostracization based on being black. Mike thinks that it’s about him, that Lucas is rejecting him when he doesn’t ‘want to be a freak,’ but that’s not the case. It’s about LUCAS and how LUCAS has been treated and how it’s not about Lucas not liking Mike or being homophobic- it’s about  Lucas not wanting himself or his friends to be targeted anymore. Lucas even says that ‘WE wanted things to be different in highschool,’ he wants Dustin and Mike to join him and not face that ostracization, not realizing that a.) Lucas himself cannot change the fact that people judge him and see him as a freak, no matter how much he tries to fit in with the basketball team and b.) That Mike also has an unchangeable albeit different aspect of himself that gets himself labelled as a ‘freak’ (mike’s sexuality, which Lucas doesn’t know about). So if Mike sees Dustin and Lucas as the ones who can change from being a freak (ie ‘freak’ for Mike is seen relative to his sexuality, that’s how he centers it from his pov, and he sees Dustin and Lucas as straight and doesn’t take into consideration Lucas’ race and how he’s been targeted for it and Dustin’s CCD and how both of them get labelled ‘freaks’ for those unchangeable aspects of themselves). And Lucas sees Dustin and Mike and the ones who can change (Dustin and Mike are both white, Lucas’ targeting/’freak’ label has been centered around his race, and he doesn’t take into consideration Dustin’s CDD and doesn’t KNOW about Mike being gay and sees Mike’s freak label as being about his appearance (and hellfire but thats a choice) due to that being what he was bullied for in S1, but then rationalizes that Mike’s appearance has changed since S1 and people don’t call him frogface anymore, so Mike must not have anything unchangeable anymore that makes him a ‘freak’). And Dustin sees Lucas and Mike as the ones who can change (his ‘freak’ label is centered around his CDD, that’s what he’s bullied for in S1, and so he sees Mike and Lucas as not being affected by that, doesn’t take into consideration Lucas’ race or know about Mike’s queerness.) We’ve set ourselves up for miscommunication and misunderstanding and futility soup here!! They each think the others are making a choice, but the reality is that NONE of them are. 

  And similar with Dustin, and Mike may FEAR that Lucas and Dustin would reject him for being queer. Again esp considering the ties between hellfire and queerness and the media rhetoric around both at the time, Mike is likely fearing that his friends are changing from the accepting friends that he knows and possibly falling for that rhetoric. 

   it's all 'not that bad,' its all 'i just dont see mike's depression, people are reaching' up until mike walks off of another fucking cliff. such a key part of mike's character and the way that his mental health AND sexuality are presented is his invisibility and how people can't see him unless he's loud and boisterous and in their face and snarky and then they still get mad at him for BEING THAT WAY. it's all 'mike's just a loud asshole and thats okay we don't have to tie it to his mental health,' up until you realize that mike's loudness and assholery isn't the cause of mental state and him being the way he is, it's the RESULT of it. he's louder because he's used to not being heard.

  So fucking much of the sheer dismissal of mike's mental health (and his sexuality like i already talked abt in another post) comes SOLELY from comparing him to other characters, comes solely from 'well mike isnt struggling in the same way as will so therefore he isnt struggling' and comparing mike to will instead of comparing mike to HIMSELF. It's the wolf-arrow internalized homophobia analogy from my other post all over again!! Sure, mike and will don't struggle in the exact same way/to the same extent, but again, will is more able to OVERCOME that struggle, will is able to take more hits.

   if youre saying that 'well if mikes mental health is bad we would see him be more like will when will starts showing signs of bad mental health,' you're not realizing that because will has more of an ability to cope, something that devastates Will would absolutely fucking obliterate Mike. Even things that don't 'devastate' will, the single arrow, those minor wounds are again, a KILLING BLOW for mike, let alone what the final killing arrow for Will would be for Mike, let alone what the sum of all 50 or whatever arrows in the big wolf's back would be for mike. the single arrow is a killing blow, the 50 arrows would just be beating the corpse that is his mental state (and possibly his LITERAL, physical corpse considering his clear struggle with suicidality and how people keep fucking ignoring it and falling for the same trap that the characters do and the duffers KNOW that people are ignoring it because theyve set it up in a way that LENDS ITSELF to being ignored so that fans' actions/perception of mikes mental health DOES sort of actually affect mike in that way because the duffers are more likely to make him succumb to those issues because they KNOW that they've set it up in a way that would be a surprise to much of the audience  but also not totally out of nowhere).

  Mike Wheeler is a brave, strong, wonderful character. At the same time, though, Mike Wheeler would not last a second if faced with what Will dealt with from Lonnie, would not last a second if faced with Will's connection to Vecna or experiences in the upside down. If we want to compare mike and will and see mike through will's lens the way that some people are so keen to do then let's DO IT, it's fair to do for the sake of comparison but should not be the MAIN THING that drives your conclusions about mike. it should be a supporting factor if anything.

  Mike isn't 'weaker' by any fault of his own persay, he's 'weaker' because he doesnt have that a.) longtime experience of dealing with this shit that will has in terms of homophobia and abuse and upside down trauma  and b.) even less than the experience, because imo will's experiences would make things WORSE for him, make him weaker, not stronger, if it wasn't for the people that support will, his family and the way that they support him, something that mike lacks. Will is strong but even he says himself that he relies on other people like Mike to make him not feel like a mistake.

 

"it also crops up in the s2 tunnel plan. He knows “his hub” is likely to be swarming with demodogs, he doesn’t care. He'll throw himself in to protect El and Will, even at the cost of his own life."

   YES YES YES YES THIS IS SO TRUE. HE WILL ABSOLUTELY THROW HIMSELF INTO IT AT THE COST OF HIS OWN LIFE. Like he was willing to walk off the cliff for dustin’s baby teeth, deemed the pain of losing them as greater than the pain of losing mike/mike’s death. So protecting Will and El from losing their lives/getting grievously injured is a WALK IN THE PARK in terms of decision making for mike because he IMMEDIATELY feels that their injuries would hurt THEM more than his death, he sees himself as having so little value that he doesnt even realize how his death would devastate people. Which is part of why I think he’s gonna die and come back in s5 and how it would fit in perfectly with his arc as a character. 

  "and the s3 sauna test fight/battle of star court. he knows Billy is far stronger than him, he doesn’t care. He’ll throw himself against Billy to protect the party twice, even at the risk of his own life."

   YEP!! smthn smthn mike has been largely ignored/neglected by his family smthn smthn his warped perception of his own value smthn smthn helping others is the only way he sees any value in himself smthn smthn el rejects mike’s attempts to be himself, rejects his hobbies and his singing and the silly things about him that could’ve made mike see value in himself/that he thinks El could’ve seen value in him for, and so then Mike figures that he can only get El to value him and therefore can only value himself as long as he’s protecting/helping her and other people smthn smthn mike’s suicidality is NOT el’s fault, she saved him at the cliff, but their RELATIONSHIP and incompatibility and the way that she dismisses him is contributing to it JUST like he’s contributing to that pain for HER. they are hurting eachother. 

And also thinking about the sauna battle and how the original sauna scene CLEARLY shows mike displaying internalized homophobia and self-loathing and then in that SAME LOCATION we get mike effectively trying to kill himself by going up against Billy and how this represents not only Mike’s struggle with his internalized homophobia and how it’s intertwined with his suicidality, but also how Mike is starting to face EXTERNAL homophobia as he starts to branch out towards his attraction to men and being framed around his attraction to men (which we see even more of in s4). Billy is outwardly attacking him, representing that external criticism and homophobia, but Mike runs into the attack willingly, representing that internal criticism and internal homophobia.

And okay disclaimer I loathe Billy he’s a racist, abusive POS and I think people baby him WAY too much. At the same time, though, I feel like we can acknowledge the homophobia that he dealt with from his father, REGARDLESS of whether or not he’s queer, and how Billy attacking Mike represents Billy continuing the cycle of that homophobia and throwing it onto Mike. None of this absolves Billy, but the subtext is there for a reason, Billy was the one to attack Mike in a place (the sauna) that is already tied to Mike’s sexuality and internalized homophobia. Billy was the one trapped in the sauna, and the sauna does represent internalized homophobia, and so I do think that Billy may have dealt with it to some extent, and even if he didn’t, even if he wasn’t queer, he’s still continuin that cycle of homophobic abuse that he learned from his father. 

 "Even now, it’s the same thing repackaged in an older body. He’s depressed and his life has little value to him, so he’s willing to throw us away for someone he perceived as having more value." 

  Completely fucking true. Completely true. It’s repackaged in an older body AND is now being shown through the MIKE LENS, not a romanticized/external lens like it was in s1 and s2, which makes it harder for people to grasp because it forces them to confront their own preconceived notions about mental health and depression and suicidality and forces them to see things from MIKE’S perspective, not their own. It forces people to confront their own lens, and that’s the genius of the way that his character is set up and presented. And there’s something to be said, too, for the capitalist nature of the wheelers and the idea of the ‘value’ of a person and how that value is determined. 

 

"Mike’s suicidal tendencies have been an open secret since day one. No one talks about them in the show, but they’re painfully obvious." 

  YES!!! Okay I want to talk about ‘no one talks about them in the show’ because I feel like it’s true to an extent, but people do TALK about the signs of his suicidality, like Nancy talking about his room, but what they DON’T do is make the link of those topics and behaviours to Mike’s suicidality. Nancy comments on his room but doesn’t understand or care why his room is the way that it is. Ted comments on Mike’s falling grades in a roundabout way ‘highschool dropout club’ but doesn’t make the connection to Mike’s mental health/suicidality. Dustin also comments on Mike’s falling grades (the C in spanish), but doesn’t make the link to Mike’s mental health. Because they’re not seeing him through a Mike Lens. WILL is the only one seeing Mike through a Mike Lens, just like I already talked about. They’re comparing Mike to OTHER PEOPLE, not to HIMSELF. Nancy compares Mike’s room to the cabin, not to the previous state of his room in past seasons. Dustin compares Mike’s grades to his own, not to Mike’s previous grades. Ted talks about the ‘highschool dropout club’ and compares Mike and his slipping academic abilities to the other members of the hellfire club rather comparing it to Mike’s previous grades and academic tendencies. Even back in S2, Karen talks about Mike plagiarizing work and graffiting the bathroom stall and Mike says “everyone graffitis the bathroom stall,’ even MIKE is comparing himself and his struggles to other people, because like I said earlier, he’s a character that lends himself heavily to that, AND it results in him invalidating his own struggles. Even Ted says ‘if your friends jumped off of a cliff, would you?’ meanwhile mike IS the one who jumps off of the cliff, the comparison of him to his friends relative to the cliff doesn’t work for him because he IS the cliff friend and can therefore only be accurately compared to HIMSELF. 

  (I absolutely agree that his grief is paralleled to Joyce. They both love Will so much, and many of their reactions are in sync. They’ve both been on the edge for a while, all it took was a push.) 

  THANK YOU!!!! IM GLAD YOU AGREE BECAUSE YOU LITERALLY NEVER MISS!!! And okay so this is probably semantics but the phrasing of ‘all it took was a push’ is SUPER interesting to me and im going to use this as an opportunity to talk about  it. I already mentioned this, but Mike didn’t so much get a push as he did a dangling fucking carrot in the form of a cliff. 

When Hopper talks about Will’s ‘accident’ at the quarry and the idea that it could’ve been a hatecrime, he implies that maybe Will was pushed/had some external force/person put him off that cliff against his own free will. But when it comes to Mike, Mike wasn’t pushed in the same way. Mike was LURED towards the cliff, like I talked about before,  it’s a dangling treat for that self-loathing part of his brain, but he wasn’t pushed. But he was pushed TOWARDS make that decision, towards taking that step, if that makes sense, but he wasn’t pushed off of the cliff physically or even 100% emotionally. He STEPPED OFF physically and mentally and emotionally. He CHOSE TO. We see the bullies literally PUSH MIKE to the ground physically in s1. They’re not afraid to push him. But they don’t push him off the cliff. Mike steps off out of his own free choice. But the bullies have INFLUENCED that choice, everything that’s happened to Mike has influenced that choice. The bullies DID literally put him a ‘few steps from the edge’ when they grabbed him and Dustin, but Mike was the one who chose to walk off even though he was being pressured, he still made that choice and made it terrifyingly easily. It’s like how people will bully others, especially queer or outcast kids to the point of suicide but often don’t catch murder changes for it because they technically didn’t kill them. 

 Joyce is the same. She didn’t get pushed off of the cliff into her mental decline, she STEPPED OFF. She  got pushed towards it by Will’s death and Lonnie and Hopper not believing her. But at the end of the day, her and Mike both took that final step. They may have been pushed to the edge, pushed to being those few steps from the edge, but they weren’t pushed off of the edge. They stepped off. They chose to. And YES that choice was absolutely totally influence by others’ and the ‘push’ from others, but the push wasn’t the final blow. The final blow was self-inflicted. 





LIKE GOD YOU ARE SO FUCKING RIGHT AS ALWAYS!!!!!!! SO TRUE AND RIGHT!! And as a final note, something that’s funny to me is it’s all ‘max and mike are the same person different fonts’ until people like you and I point out mike’s suicidality and how MAX has it too. They're the ‘same person’ until their characters and similarities don’t align with peoples’ preconceived notions about them. Mike is the ‘same’ as Max up until somebody points out he’s suicidal too, and then they immediately can’t see it because it’s not framed the exact same way as Max’s despite the numerous parallels in their suicidal tendencies. People will put an El Lens, a Will Lens, a Personal Experience and Bias Lens, a Nancy Lens, a Max Lens and literally any other fucking lens onto Mike before they even CONSIDER a Mike Lens, and even then it’s like they have to be dragged kicking and screaming to see things through the Mike Lens because the Mike Lens doesn’t align with their preconceived notions and conclusions about him. (can you tell im a bit annoyed ™ about the erasure of mike’s issues and misinterpretation of his character?? People who refuse to see the signs in mike are likely going to refuse to see the signs in their IRL friends and THATS why im so passionate about this.) 

#stranger things #st analysis #mike's mental health #mike wheeler analysis #byler

[shybunnie20]

Check One Two - Eddie Munson x Female Reader | 𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 1

Jealous!Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Fem!Rockstar!Reader

★Part Two ★My Masterlist

Fic Summary: When you joined the band last summer, no one had a clue that this is where you’d all be today. Who would’ve thought a small garage cover band would end up as the opener for Alice Cooper? Although, life on the road proves to be strenuous when your best friend Eddie crosses the line.

Author's Note: Established friendship. No use of Y/N. Be sure to reblog, follow, and show some love ♡ I adore Corroded Coffin so here's yet another fic with them. Freak 1 is named Donny because I think it suits him.

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: Characters are written 18+ and Eddie is 21+ so.. MDNI for the sake of adult themes and part 2. Mention of sex, alcohol, includes swearing, slut shaming (if you squint).

tags: @protecteddiemunson4vr

The newspaper ad titled “HARDCORE LEAD VOCALIST WANTED” piqued your curiosity. Despite your typical audience being the shampoo bottles in your shower, you decided to take a chance. As soon as you’d shown up to audition you were met with hesitance. It was blatantly obvious that they weren’t anticipating a girl to be interested in joining a metal group.

Undoubtedly, they were impressed by your knowledge of the genre. By the end of the song you’d chosen to try out with, your voice had won them over. Since then, you’ve been one of the guys. Your addition has brought the band irrefutable success. It feels like it was just yesterday you were playing at The Hideout for fun. Now you’re traveling the country with your best friends as the opener for Alice Cooper’s Live in the Flesh tour.

Upon joining you took an instantaneous liking to Eddie in particular. You thought he was cute and there was undeniable chemistry when you started spending time together. It wasn’t long before you were inseparable. You’d picked up mannerisms from one another and split every meal you had when together. On nights that you had a hard time sleeping, he would come over and read Heavy Metal Magazine to you until you drifted asleep.

Sometimes the play flirting would go too far and you couldn’t tell if he was joking, but you assumed that he was. To protect the dynamic of the group, you pushed aside the little crush that you had and focused on making music.

Eddie was experiencing the same thing. It was difficult to gauge whether you were really digging him or if you were just messing around. It wasn’t quite as easy for him to ignore the infatuation but he didn’t have much of a choice. He’ll never admit that you’re the muse for the songs that he writes for Corroded Coffin.

The sound of hands slapping a table echoes into your end of the bus while Jeff, Donny, and Gareth are playing cards in the front lounge. Unanimously, your bandmates decided that you’d get to have the bedroom on the tour bus. Hard to argue with that, you’re their queen bee after all.

“Seriously? You’d choose super strength? That’s a lame superpower.” Eddie snorts and lays on your bed.

You remain sitting against the pillows with your legs crossed. “You’re tryna tell me it wouldn’t come in handy?” 

“M’not saying it wouldn’t be useful, there’s just cooler abilities to have.”

“Oh come on! Having super strength would be insane.”

Eddie flexes his biceps, placing a kiss on each one. “I wouldn’t choose it, since I’m already ripped. Nearly busting outta my shirt.”

You chuckle tauntingly. “With those chicken wings? Yeah right.”

He sits up and scrunches his face at you. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

“You heard me.”

“That’s it!” He shouts.

You lunge before he can. Your hands meet his halfway and interlock fingers. “Not so tough now are ya?”

Eddie laughs at your confidence but is delightfully surprised by your force. Without hesitation, he pins you down on the mattress and straddles your waist. Smiling devilishly at the grunts that escape you when you try to overpower him. “You’re embarrassing yourself.” He says in a sing-songy manner, his grip on your hands tightening.

As a wimpy attempt to break free, you wiggle beneath him. Obviously, you don’t stand a chance. Not with the way his thighs are pressing firmly to keep you in place. It’s cute when you try. When he leans down, his hair falls and creates a curtain around your face. “Surrender,” He demands with an annoyingly sweet tone.

Eddie’s chocolate irises still sparkle despite the lack of light to illuminate them. They dart back and forth between yours, lingering a bit too long. You unknowingly bite your lip at the sensation of his palms heating yours. Your mind is racing and yet it feels blank at the same time.

“Okay, okay. I surrender.” You smile widely. “But, man, I could really use some super strength right about now.”

“Touché, princess. Touché.”

Scorpion’s “No One Like You” fills the bar while people dance, chat, and drink. You don’t usually participate in the after parties. Although tonight’s performance was spectacular, certainly a reason to celebrate. Sometimes audiences aren’t fond of the opening acts but this one was welcoming. During the whole performance, you felt like you were floating, being carried by the lyrics you sang.

You and the boys are already enjoying yourselves by the time Eddie strolls in. He orders a bourbon neat and joins the guys on the far side of the room. Eddie isn’t surprised that you’re not with them. He can’t blame you for wanting a little time away when you’re stuck on a bus with them for hours at a time. Yet he is curious about what you’re up to. As if on cue, he hears your laugh. A beautiful and familiar sound that he can easily pick out of the bustling racket. The problem is that he’s not the one making you laugh. Before thinking twice, he scans the room and weaves around the people that stand in the way of his pursuit to locate you.

Eddie spots you leaning against a pillar while talking to someone. A guy, an attractive guy. You can’t help but be a little flirty when you’re two drinks into the evening. How could you not? This dude is gorgeous and he’s buttering you up.

While Eddie observes from a distance he struggles to read your lips, dying to know what was funny moments ago. How charming can this dude be to have you laughing like that? To make matters worse, you’re smiling while the man whispers in your ear. Eddie considers walking over and introducing himself to interrupt the flirtatious conversation but he doesn’t act fast enough.

The man takes your hand and pulls you toward the bathrooms, disappearing from Eddie’s line of sight. You throw your head back in amusement and follow close behind. You haven’t done much making out in restrooms but hey, gotta let loose sometimes.

Eddie feels devoured by his emotions, causing him to down his drink in a single swig. He heads straight to the bar to get another. To say that he’s pissed off is an understatement. Yes, It’s unfair to feel so territorial about you, but you’re his best friend. He’s just looking out and wants to protect you. It’s not because he’s jealous, definitely not. At least, Eddie convinces himself that that’s the case. In actuality, there’s nothing he hates more than what he can’t have.

You let out a giggle, jumping onto Gareth’s back. He carries you to the stage for the routine soundcheck. Eddie, Donny, and Jeff are already working with the stagehands. 

“Without a doubt, that’s my new preferred way to get around.” You beam with delight from the brief piggyback ride.

Gareth lets out a breathy chuckle, unable to conceal how winded he is. Donny greets you when you sit on an equipment case beside him. The sound of cymbals and electronic whirring resonates over your hushed conversation.

Donny nudges you with his elbow. “Looked like you had fun last night.”

Eddie adores your smile, and your laugh is easily his favorite sound in the world. But right now, he can’t stand either of them. He eavesdrops while everyone else is focused on getting set up. His face contorts with frustration as he listens to you gush about your saucy encounter.

“...Not to mention he wasn’t exactly a bad kisser!” You remark just above a whisper.

Out of nowhere, Eddie snaps. “Y’know, there’s this beautiful thing called being quiet. Should really try it out sometime.”

The atmosphere remains busy as the stagehands hustle to get cords plugged in and taped down. For you, it feels like the lights went out, engulfing you in muted darkness. You expected Eddie to be addressing someone else but he’s staring right at you.

Jeff chimes in, “Why are you in a mood, Ed?”

“I’m not inna mood, she’s being fucking annoying.” Eddie clenches his fists at his sides.

Gareth interjects, “What the hell is your deal?” “Lay off,” Donny adds.

Your limbs are locked in place while your gaze is glued to Eddie’s cold expression. Hoping to see it fall and say that he’s kidding.

“Whatever. At least I'm not the one getting railed by a stranger in a bar bathroom.” Eddie huffs.

His words shoot a blast through your chest like you’ve been hit with a cannonball. Sure, he has a temper sometimes. Especially when he’s frustrated, but never in a million years would you have thought he’d speak to you like that.

Your feet feel like bricks when you hurry away before anyone can see you cry. Donny furrows his brows and shoots Eddie a piercing glare. “Asshole much?”

Eddie shrugs and returns his focus to his guitar. He feels justified in his actions, considering he was stating a fact. What he thinks is a fact. Eddie spent all night chewing on his thoughts. Why did you bang some guy that you don’t even know? Some guy that doesn’t have a clue of your likes and dislikes. He has no idea how to please you, he doesn’t know shit about you! Why him? Why not me?

Ultimately you choose to skip sound check altogether, sitting in the dressing room alone to regain your composure. A few tears had fallen but you’re better than that. You’re not going to let Eddie’s sour attitude ruin your day. With a couple of self-affirmations, you start getting ready for the show.

In the midst of your vocal warmups, the boys come barreling into the room so they can get changed. Gareth can confidently do his own eyeliner now since you taught him. Although Donny likes wearing a bit more makeup, so he calls you over and you’re more than happy to help him apply it.

Eddie keeps to himself while he changes into his ensemble. No one said another word to him during soundcheck, they acted as if he wasn’t even there. He sneaks glances at you while you’re joking around with Jeff and Donny. Even when he’s inexplicably mad at you, you still light up the room. Every time you get into your show-time wardrobe he can’t help but think, “God, she looks good.”

The dressing room door swings open by a woman in a lime green shirt. Her walkie-talkie buzzes loudly, “Corroded Coffin to the stage, Corroded Coffin to the stage. T minus ten minutes.” “You guys ready to go?” She asks.

You’ve always held Eddie’s hand before stepping out into the lights since your first show at The Hideout. His hand in yours, he’d squeeze it as if to say “I’m right here, don’t be nervous.” It’s the only remedy for the stage fright that makes your limbs tingle with fear.

This time you talk confidence into yourself. You take as deep of breaths as your lungs will allow, causing you to feel a tad lightheaded. Eddie is typically the calm one but the absence of your pre-show ritual has him feeling queasy. He never realized that holding your hand brought him just as much comfort as it brought you.

Roaring erupts from the audience when your band steps out on stage. You wave and smile at the screaming fans that call your name from the barrier of the pit. Gareth’s drumsticks count off and the speakers blare with the ripping of electric guitars. The way that you perform is utterly captivating. Moving as if you don’t have a care in the world. If Eddie didn’t know any better, he’d think you’re unaffected by the hurtful comments he spat at you a few hours ago.

Toward the middle of the set, one of the band’s songs has a solo. Usually, Eddie joins you center stage while he shreds. Out of habit, he walks forward. Just as naturally, you move to the far side of the stage to distance yourself. Swiftly directing your attention to the fans who reach their hands out toward you.

Eddie fights the urge to frown and effortlessly fingers through his solo. Truthfully, his heart isn’t in it without you by his side. The stage lights are hot, causing beads of sweat to roll down his face. But the moment is cold and bleak. It hits him all at once. Even though he’s in an arena full of thousands of people watching him, he might as well be invisible if you refuse to even stand near him.

★Part Two ★My Masterlist

★Ko-fi ♡

#eddie munson #eddie munson x y/n #stranger things 4 #eddie munson fics #robin buckley #stranger things x you #stranger things x y/n #eddie munson x you #corroded coffin #fanfic #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson smut #eddiemunson #strangerthings #stranger things #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson angst #eddie the banished #stranger things season 4 #stranger things fic #stranger things angst #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things eddie #st4 eddie #eddie x fem!reader #eddie x you

[simpforanyanimeguywithdarkhair]

BUT NOT ENOUGH

#Genre: Short angst with no fluff :(

#Includes: Whoever you wish, no character descriptors.

#Description: Period piece. Prince ML x Maid FL

♛ Part 1 ♛ Part 2 ♛ Part 3 ♛ Part 4

His dull eyes make brief contact with yours before quickly directing his gaze elsewhere. Despite the large audience in front of him, his eyes naturally find you in the crowd, so used to picking you apart from everyone else despite you blending in with the lower society. The fact sends a painful stab to your heart, and it is yet another reminder of why his hands are clasped in those of another. While you adorn nothing more than old, dull, dark garms that the rest of the Castle staff wear, he stands tall and bright with heavy velvet and silk encasing his form and a crown that sits proudly upon his head, it being furnished with jewels and diamonds that cost more than your life.

You think he looks good beside her, like he was always meant to be there, but you selfishly chase that thought away. You doubt you are the only one wishing it was you on that stage, it not being hard to spot the envy in the many noble eyes that surround you in the grand hall, that many have travelling far and wide to be in to witness this union. A union you were not made aware of until a few weeks prior and the memory transports you to that fateful day.

~

“Y/N! Wait” he calls out after you. You had not meant to eavesdrop; you were merely passing by his office before a few words had caught your attention and you were glad you had stayed. A strong hand clasps your arm and brings you to a stop in the corridor, both of you panting from the chase “just stop and listen to me”. “How long have you known?” you ask, the hesitation in his face is answer enough and you rip your arm from his searing hold. “Were you ever planning on telling me?” “of course I was, don’t be silly” he incredulously replies. “Ha, on the day of the wedding I presume” you sarcastically retort, “don’t” he warns. “I cannot believe you kept this from me”

“You knew this could go no further” and you could not refute that statement no matter how much it hurt. Yet you hoped, stupidly hoped that a small part of him would long for you enough to go against his parents, defy the norms of society to be with you. But you knew that small bubble you found yourself in would soon burst and you’d come to the realization that you were nothing more than a pastime. Unfortunately, you had realised that too late, that you were just a mere pit stop until he reached his final destination, and it was not you and that epiphany tore away at your already breaking heart.

 “Well, I apologize for hoping that the man who claimed to love me would put up more of a fight for me…for us”. “This is no longer about you or I, it is about this kingdom. I will soon become king and I will not throw that away for these fleeting feelings” he scornfully replies. “Fleeting” you whisper in disbelief as the tears that gathered in your eyes finally escape. “You know what I mean” he harshly spits, “No, I don’t think I do”. You back turns from him as you hurry to wipe the tears streaking down your face, you refuse to let him see you like this. Refuse to let him see the hold he has on you and your heart.

 “You know I care for you, do not make this harder than It has to be” he whispers. “But not enough…your Highness” you dryly chuckle out and with that you stride away from the man that you love, that you despise yourself for still loving despite his cruel and indifferent words.

~

You watch with bated breath as they both recite their vows, each word a hit to your bruised heart and your eyes glisten as he slips that beautiful sapphire ring onto her delicate finger. Your eyes once again meet and you pray he understands the words your eyes speak – “when you drive your sword through my heart, know that only you could have stopped it beating, for it has always been yours to destroy”

REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED

sad bitch hours

;)

🏷:@adreamofleftoveromens @tirzamisu @bogbiddiesworld @pshwaa @crystal-lilac @princessatoru @milk-and-cherryjuice @itsmeteiiteii @the-massive-simp @momoewn @euryale16 @mitzwinchester @0ni0m ༺♡༻ Join here

© property of simpforanyanimeguywithdarkhair

#~But not enough #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader #hq angst #oikawa angst #ushijima angst #sakusa angst #tsukishima angst #osamu angst #atsumu angst #kageyama angst #hinata angst #Akashi angst #kuroo angst #lev angst #bokuto angst #sugawara angst #kenma angst #nishinoya angst #tanaka angst #yamaguchi angst #iwaizumi angst #Daichi angst #Yaku angst #Kita angst #Aone angst #goshiki angst #Aran angst #ushijima x reader #oikawa x reader

[solradguy]

Anon who wanted to contribute to the fandom here, thank you so much for the recommendations on what I can do!! I do have two more questions though if you are alright with answering those.

When it comes to perseveration, what do you think is in the most dire need for it? I am thinking of creating a site dedicated to persevering a sole aspect of the media in Guilty Gear, I just don’t want to accidentally have it focused on something already wildly saved already.

And for my second question, when it comes to digging up media, where do you recommend I begin? Are there certain sites or apps that can help me find GG lost media? Or are links to places to look something the lore server also provides?

Yeah, no problem!! I'm still pretty new at GG media preservation compared to most of the other people doing it, but I don't mind sharing what I know ^^

Honestly probably the interview articles, then the scanned stuff, followed by the .ROM rips, and then the sprite/background rips. The music is by far the most archived part of GG. ArcSys apparently basically never files takedown notices so the OSTs are uploaded everywhere lol

I don't think the lore server has website links for this kind of stuff but there are a few sites that I end up returning to for stuff occasionally. Readmore again because there are kind of a lot haha

Oh, a quick note before you dive into this: Avoid Blade (gear-project on here; sometimes Blade Highwind elsewhere). He used to do some old preservation stuff and work on translations/lore documents but he has a reputation for purposely manipulating or misinterpreting the canon, on top of just generally being racist and trans/homophobic. You'll see his name often on old forums/archives. It might be worth saving his stuff for shiggles but that's your call.

I'm heading out for the day here soon so I'll answer this now but if I think of anything else while I'm out, I'll reblog it when I get home and add on to it.

Archive.org - The bae. Most of the lore server (myself included) upload our projects here. Mostly scanned works but a few .ROMs are on here too. The Wayback Machine can be used to find lost stuff from defunct Geocities pages or, if you're really good, you might be able to find old/dead GG fansites hosted outside of Geocities.

GuiltyGear.ru - I have no idea who runs this site but its last update was in 2015. Has a bunch of art/sprite rips, archives of old official fankits, WinAmp skins, just like a lot of old interesting stuff. I have a feeling I'm gonna hop on one day and they aren't gonna have renewed the domain and it'll be dead so I've saved a good portion of the things uploaded here but would like to doublecheck some day. It wouldn't hurt to also maybe make a backup of it, imo.

FightersGeneration - Active general fighting games website. Has a bunch of loose scans, sprites, art for GG though. I don't think this website is in danger of going down anytime soon, but it could save you some trouble of going to archive something and double checking to see if FG has it first, though FG's archives for GG are not comprehensive since they do other fighting games too.

Vimm's Lair - Still active .ROM archive that's been running since 1997 (!!). Also not in danger of going down any time soon but it's another reference to see what has and has not been preserved already. Their page for GG has icons next to what .ROMs they're missing.

The Dustloop forums - These seem to be entirely inactive and searching them is a pain in the ass but I've found some cool stuff on here before just from poking around. Might lead to some ancient fan sites to run through Wayback Machine.

This is a touchy topic for some, but it might also be interesting preserving old fanfiction from FF.net and ao3 (and old forums/fan sites). This is a form of art that is often overlooked when people talk about preserving fan content. Since most authors are still active, I wouldn't touch anything from maybe like the last idk 10 years or so? But anything older than that is entering "danger of becoming lost media" territory, imo. No idea where you could upload these if you decide to back them up though...

#asks

[encyclopika]

I posted 445 times in 2022

That's 41 more posts than 2021!

119 posts created (27%)

326 posts reblogged (73%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@geckosquid

@lostlegendaerie

@niallblogs

@pandoramusicbox09

@birbmania

I tagged 390 of my posts in 2022

Only 12% of my posts had no tags

#animal crossing - 96 posts

#animal crossing fish explained - 88 posts

#fish - 84 posts

#science in video games - 80 posts

#marine biology - 78 posts

#animals - 71 posts

#animal crossing pocket camp - 68 posts

#pokemon - 43 posts

#acpc - 41 posts

#art - 32 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#what they should do is remake ingo's model so that he's still wearing his pearl clan stuff under either a new coat or his ripped up one

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Animal Crossing Fish - Explained #164

Brought to you by a marine biologist who is very tired...

CLICK HERE FOR THE AC FISH EXPLAINED MASTERPOST!

Work has just been kicking my ass. I could definitely do like a seal and just lay around until I’m hungry. Unfortunately for seals, they have to get into the ocean to find their food (I just have to walk to the fridge). Despite their large size and agility underwater, seals have to contend with the fact that they aren’t at the top of the food chain and need to be wary of bigger, scarier things (like killer whales and sharks). Now, you might be surprised to find out that not all seals are built the same way. Today I’m going to use Phineas as a great starting point to talk about pinnipeds - the seals, sea lions, and walrus.

Phineas was an NPC in AC City Folk and New Leaf that gave the player things - either balloons or other cute toys or, in New Leaf, badges for completing some milestone. Unfortunately he doesn’t show up in ACNH, which is a shame, but understandable - Tom Nook now gives you all of your achievements and those toys are given out by Isabelle or some other seasonal NPC. 

Anyway, Phineas is definitely a sea lion, *not* a true seal, and I will explain. So, all of these sea-puppy animals are in the clade Pinnipedia, which means “fin foot”. Pinnipeds are closely related to mustelids - like the sea otter and river otters we have covered - and the two are closely related to bears. So, if you think seals are cute and cuddly, they are the first thing, but maybe not the second thing. They can be aggressive, large, and fast, despite how awkward they are on land, and they have very sharp teeth and claws on their flippers. Give them a wide berth if you see them at the beach. Pinnipeds can be split into two neat groups - eared seals and true seals (the walrus falls under the first category, but we will talk about them when we cover Wendell). As the names suggest, eared seals (family Otariidae, sea lions and fur seals) have ear flaps and true seals (family Phocidae) do not. 

There are also a great many differences between the groups, such as the way they swim and walk. True seals are much more adapted to the aquatic lifestyle than eared seals - their hind legs are held backwards and they cannot bring them under themselves to walk like other Carnivorans (the Order that includes lions, tigers, and bears, oh my!). So, to get around on land, they scooch about on their bellies. They are really great swimmers though and they collectively dive deeper than eared seals.

See the full post

37 notes - Posted February 12, 2022

#4

Animal Crossing Fish - Explained #156

Brought to you by a marine biologist with a not-jellyfish...

CLICK HERE FOR THE AC FISH EXPLAINED MASTERPOST!

I think this is finally where I’m going to throw up my hands and say right at the beginning that I don’t know what species these are. I would need a lot more information on these comb jellies than what the sprites give me, so we’ll have to make due with going through this group, as fascinating as it is, and learn what features they might have.

See the full post

38 notes - Posted January 6, 2022

#3

Animal Crossing Fish - Explained #170

Brought to you by a marine biologist and another we’ve done already...

CLICK HERE FOR THE AC FISH EXPLAINED MASTERPOST!

I’m totally fine doing fish we have kind of done already. I just hope none of ya are bored. Writing one of these only scratches the surface of information about that animal, and I try to pick a trait or behavior that I can expand on in general. Believe it or not, it’s only gotten *slightly* more difficult to find something to talk about in general...or maybe I just find every fish wonderful. Who knows...

Anyway, today I will cover two fish at a time because they are the same fish - the Red and the Black Wakin Goldfish!

See the full post

57 notes - Posted February 21, 2022

#2

Animal Crossing Fish - Explained #209

Brought to you by a marine biologist with different fish, same name...

CLICK HERE FOR THE AC FISH EXPLAINED MASTERPOST!

So, today we will cover the Silver Arowana, and I know what you’re thinking - gee, that sounds familiar. Didn’t we already cover the Arowana way back in like 2020 or whatever? And, yes, we did, but it was a different species, and I’m here to be wildly accurate and complete in my coverage of all the fish and aquatic friends in this franchise, so here we go!

The Silver Arowana first appeared in AC Pocket Camp in June 2021 for Fishing Tourney 39 that featured fish named after precious stones or metals - so that tourney also included the Black Ruby Barb we covered just a few entries ago. The Silver Arowana is a mostly tropical species, native to South American rivers. So, it’s pretty cool ACPC released it in the summer. Makes sense.

Anyway, so we all know that there is a species of Arowana in AC New Horizons - I covered it already and found that one was the Super Red color morph of the Asian Arowana. Both the Asian and Silver Arowanas belong to the same Family of fish - the Osteoglossidae, or the bony tongues. The name is derived from a sharp, toothed bone at the bottom of the mouth that can grind against teeth at the roof of the mouth. The family is tiny, comprised of just the arowanas and arapaimas, for which there are only about 14 species. The arowanas are divided into two Genus - the Scleropages, which is where the Asian Arowana comes from, and Osteoglossum, which today’s Silver Arowana (Osteoglossum bicirrhosum) resides. 

See the full post

69 notes - Posted July 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Animal Crossing Fish - Explained #155

Brought to you by a marine biologist and another fish tied to a legend...

CLICK HERE FOR THE AC FISH EXPLAINED MASTERPOST!

Figured I’d go with this “mythos” theme until I can’t anymore or I get bored. Whichever comes first, really. So, today I bring another Pocket Camp friend who’s gorgeous pattern may just be its undoing - the Achilles Surgeonfish.

This is a summer time fish in Pocket Camp’s Saltwater Shores. It first appeared in July of 2018 and returned for the late summer to fall of 2019. Which makes sense. In real life, the Achilles Surgeonfish, or Achilles Tang (Acanthurus achilles) is a tropical reef fish, common around reefs throughout Oceania and across the Pacific Ocean to Hawaii. They are chiefly algae-eaters, grazing algae off of the coral reef, which benefits the corals immensely by preventing algae from smothering them. Just like it’s cousin the Regal Blue Tang we covered a long long time ago, the Achilles also has a sharp, scalpel-sharp spine by the base of its tail, helping to form the corner of the striking orange, tear-drop pattern.

See the full post

100 notes - Posted January 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[jfsculpts]

I posted 34 times in 2022

28 posts created (82%)

6 posts reblogged (18%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@jfsculpts

@tnperkins

@rinnyleep

@thehappysorceress

I tagged 29 of my posts in 2022

Only 15% of my posts had no tags

#digital sculpture - 24 posts

#nomad sculpt - 21 posts

#batman - 4 posts

#action draculas - 3 posts

#original character - 3 posts

#william gibson - 2 posts

#dracula - 2 posts

#star trek - 2 posts

#neuromancer - 2 posts

#sculpture - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 33 characters

#league of extraordinary gentlemen

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

See the full post

13 notes - Posted January 16, 2022

#4

It's been so incredible watching a new generation rediscover the classic film GONCHAROV. I had to dust off my copy of Donald Nelson's novelization ($6.99 on eBay including shipping- you won't find it for that price now!). For years this was the only way anyone could experience the story! 

I'm extremely fortunate to live within walking distance of the Brattle Theater, Cambridge MA's legendary arthouse cinema, and was able to see GONCHAROV on a beautiful 35mm print at a screening a few years ago. 

I'd heard of it, of course: my dad had seen it first run in at the Orson Welles Theater on Mass Ave, and had praised it as one of Scorsese's finest. In the days before media consolidation, local UHF channel TV38's MOVIE LOFT program had aired it- unedited and without commercials- something they'd only done once before, for Cimino's THE DEER HUNTER (which also starred Robert De Niro). I'd been too young for either of those, but couldn't wait to see GONCHAROV, which I would... Eventually.

It was almost 30 years before I got my chance. The Brattle showing was well-attended by a bunch of film nerds, many of whom I recognized. We'd all heard the stories of the tangled copyright issues and studio infighting that made these prints so scarce, and we knew we were in for a rare treat. But I'm not sure how many of us realized the artifact we were about to see would be competing with the film each of us had imagined.

For the most part, it held up remarkably well. Beautiful and atmospheric, it married European cinema sensibilities with American pacing, and a young, hungry Scorsese was already a master of his medium. The acting, well, there's a reason for that Oscar nomination.

But I'll confess... the abrupt ending left me feeling unsatisfied and, dare I say it, a little ripped off. Not for the cost of a ticket, but for the time I'd spent imagining and admiring the GONCHAROV that existed only in my head. In the years since I saw it, I'd periodically flash on that feeling of disappointment at an otherwise throughly entertaining movie, and chew on it like a canker. Turning it over on my head, asking what I wanted instead of what I got, and only ever able to articulate the feeling as "not this."

Finally I came to accept it for what it was: of course it was too abrupt, too inconclusive. The movie, like Goncharov himself, had simply run out of time. It was the ending it had to be. 

GONCHAROV exists in my memory in two forms: the perfect, incomplete picture conjured of the movie I'd never seen, and the ambitious, beautiful, frustrating, imperfect film it really is. I would not trade either one. 

(By the way, the novelization has more details about Katya's pregnancy: the father was not who you think it was!)

17 notes - Posted November 28, 2022

#3

See the full post

23 notes - Posted March 10, 2022

#2

Case and Molly from William Gibson's NEUROMANCER.

Digitally sculpted and rendered in Nomad Sculpt for the iPad Pro.

27 notes - Posted October 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post

32 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[digitalis-obscura]

I posted 24,379 times in 2022

218 posts created (1%)

24,161 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@iamjessemccartney

@voidofthestars

@maandarinee

@iamalivenow

@kahtiihma

I tagged 2,606 of my posts in 2022

#our flag means death - 384 posts

#grey speaks - 230 posts

#malevolent podcast - 127 posts

#black sails - 82 posts

#wwdits - 72 posts

#ofmd art - 60 posts

#the sandman - 57 posts

#asks - 40 posts

#dracula daily - 36 posts

#soft tag - 29 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#so everyone claiming they didnt is either full of fucking shit or one of those assholes who pretends not to have learned anything in school

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i interrupt my pirate related screaming to do more malevolent related screaming, because coda (part 20.5) just released publicly and this is the episode that literally made me vibrate at high speed in my bathroom so go listen right the fuck now, it’s so good and will make you feel better about 20 (sort of)

34 notes - Posted March 27, 2022

#4

even if you have already listened to malevolent, all of the episodes just got updated with new music (that’s fucking amazing) and the first couple of episodes got a little shinier so if you have been thinking of relistening now is the time baby

34 notes - Posted April 25, 2022

#3

okay i was being unwell about this on the discord but i’m also going to do it here

the fucking. symbolism of arthur washing his hands before eating, of that detail being included, like yes, from a practical standpoint of course he had to wash his fuckin hands he was gross

but like also the physical act of washing the blood from his hands representing the metaphorical act of washing the blood from his hands and letting go of a little bit of his guilt. the food as a metaphor for healing! of course he couldn’t heal eat until he had let go of some of his guilt washed the blood off

just like, harlan is such a good fucking writer im insane i cried for like an hour

68 notes - Posted September 28, 2022

#2

Okay you got me hooked. Tell me a little about malevolent podcast?

hell yeah! malevolent is a horror podcast set in the 1930s about a private investigator who wakes up in his office with a voice in his head that now has control of his vision. the show is his attempts to find out what the fuck happened to him, and who or what exactly the entity controlling his eyes is, with or without said entity’s help. it’s technically based in the call of cthulhu ttrpg universe, but game knowledge isn’t needed to get into the show.

there’s a lot of excellent horror, and also a lot of feelings to absolutely rip your fucking heart out because that’s how i roll. and from a technical angle the editing and soundscaping for the show is absolutely amazing, if that’s something you take into consideration. the whole thing is done by one guy (including all of the voice acting, not that you can tell) and it’s extremely good.

i like this show a normal amount, obviously.

71 notes - Posted February 28, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

i think my absolute favorite thing about stede is that he’s not nice he’s polite. he is a classic example of the difference between the two, he’s a bitch but he also has manners and i love him.

2,248 notes - Posted April 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #grey speaks

[7grandmel]

Blog Update - 25/06/2023

TL;DR: "Keep Reading"-tabs are now universally adopted on the blog after positive feedback. A more detailed explanation of the Askbox/submitting system. An "Event" is set to commence tomorrow.

Hey everyone! The week's over, and I'd like to say I've gotten in more of a groove in posting stuff on here now. It's a bit annoying still that the first 29 posts are still stuck on @melblur, but I'll live with it. A lot of positive words have rolled in from various sides and it makes me happy to know this silly little hobby project is as enjoyable for some to read as it is for me to write.

I don't have anything to poll you all on for today in particular, though there's definitely still some stuff I'm pondering. Regarding this week's poll on the "Keep Reading"-tab, the response was universally in favor of adding them to posts - thus, all Todays SiIvaGunner posts on 7grandmel will now be using them. The 29 melblur posts may get updated down the line, but their updated versions unfortunately do not get shown in the archive view on this blog due to the way Reblogs work - since its reblogging the "old" version of the post, it doesn't get updated with edits. Sucks, but like I said, I'll live with it.

Less of an update, but more something I feel I should've said out loud a while ago - I read every single Ask submitted to the blog, even when I do not answer them. 23/06/2023 marked the first post to use a rip suggested to me by a reader, and it came straight from this blog's Ask box. If you're someone who's submitted something and are worried you've been ignored - rest assured, your rip is almost definitely going to show up down the line. I simply prefer not to respond to the Asks directly in order to keep the element of surprise when suggested rips do show up.

And to be clear, the time it'll take for a suggested rip to appear is always going to be up on the air depending on context. Some reasons a request may become postponed include:

The joke is very similar to something that was just featured on the blog. I want to put a couple of days between posts like this to ensure I don't repeat myself all too much

The ripper has already had several recent posts focused on them. Same as above.

The rip is densely layered in a way that requires a large amount of prior context from other rips. I'll make exceptions to this here and there, but if exploring my feelings on one rip requires also exploring my feelings on another rip, I'll wait until I cover the initial rip first.

The rip has some sort of controversy attached to it. I've thus far only covered one rip with heavier subject matters attached to it, and I'm still a little unsatisfied with the way I tackled it. With a lot of rips from Season 1-3 especially, there may well be some unsavory details regarding a rips history or contents, and with those rips in particular I'll often want to take more time writing them beforehand. Especially writing as an outsider, the last thing I want to do is mischaracterize very serious situations.

And, the rarest one:

I full-stop lack interest/passion for the rip in question. The unfortunate part of being unable to publically say yes is that its hard for me to publically say no to requests as well. All of the requests I've received thus far are very much set to appear in the blog's future, but I do foresee a possible future where I'm suggested rips I full on just don't vibe with. I don't want to leave any possible submitters like that in a limbo, of course, so please feel free to directly message me with any concerns you have down the line. You can reach me either through Tumblr (@7grandmel and @melblur) or through Discord under the username "melcord".

Lastly, though the daily posts on this blog generally lack any overarching theme or scheduled order, I did get the idea this week for a particular..."Event", so to speak. To keep posts as varied as possible I'll probably make these somewhat rare going forward, but this one felt too good to pass up. Everything is set up to start as soon as tomorrow, so look forward to it!

-Mel

#updates #siivagunner #siiva

[marxism-leninism-meowism]

I posted 6,460 times in 2022

That's 2,771 more posts than 2021!

134 posts created (2%)

6,326 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@hiveswap

@renchanters

@fensandmarshes

@queerautism

@vaspider

I tagged 315 of my posts in 2022

#bearsys speaks - 34 posts

#🌿 - 16 posts

#dream smp - 13 posts

#pro endo - 13 posts

#dsmp - 11 posts

#hermitcraft - 10 posts

#transgender - 9 posts

#ao3 - 9 posts

#techza - 8 posts

#syscourse - 8 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#seriously though it really just goes to show that literally everyone has a very different idea of the work theyd do if money wasnt an issue

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i wanna be put in a waffle iron and turned into a waffle. i think it'd be a nice sensory experience.

60 notes - Posted March 7, 2022

#4

Binding Resources (2022)

So, I think we’ve all noticed by now: GC2B’s loss of quality has led to many people desperate for better and safer options for chest binding. In the past few years, their quality has dipped significantly, sizing is unreliable, binders are cheap and low quality so they start to fall apart rather quickly. Not great for daily use, right?

Because of this, more people have been seeking out alternative options. I’ve tried to gather up all the best options (based on word of mouth, as is tradition in our community) into one post. I’ve only tried a few methods personally, but for reference, I am very much plus size and my chest is currently DD cup, historically C cup (when I tried some options).

If anyone has any resources, advice, or personal experience with any of the companies/brands I’ve already included to add, I definitely encourage you to reblog with additions.

Keep reading below the cut for more info!

Tape Binding

TransTape

Price: Recurring Purchase. $20-$25 for starter kit (incl. 1 roll, nip patches, small removal oil, small salve), $13-$17 for single rolls, ~$90 for ultimate kit (incl. 3 rolls, nip patches, large removal oil, large salve). Subscriptions available.

Wearability: Very good, especially for those with existing health conditions such as asthma that limit the use of traditional binding methods.

Binding: Best for D-cup and lower. Success with larger chests vary from person to person.

Purchase Options: US Based. 3″, 4″, 5″ widths. Four skin tones available, plus four colors and one “inked” design.

Risks: Adhesive reactions, cutting off circulation in chest if done improperly, removal can cause irritation and skin tearing.

I've seen a lot of hype around TransTape. First off, the positives: TransTape is amazing at binding without causing breathing issues or back pain. You can wear it constantly, and it’s super helpful on hot days because you can go shirtless and not worry about your chest. It’s waterproof, as well, so it can last through showers and swimming just fine. BUT you need to know the possible downsides before investing in this method. TransTape is rather expensive, so keep the cost compared to how much you’ll be using each time you bind in mind—you’ll have to keep buying it, as well, so it’s not a long-term investment like binders are. This will take trial and error to know how much you’ll use and how long it lasts, because those things are different for everyone—this is not a low budget option.

This option does not come without it’s major issues, though. TransTape can be very harsh on your skin, even if you do the removal process correctly. This isn’t a universal problem, but even if you’ve never had issues with adhesives, test a strip on the thinnest skin on your chest, NOT your arm or somewhere else with thicker skin, specifically your chest. Leave it on for a few days before removing. TransTape has really good adhesives but even for me (someone who has never had negative reactions to adhesives) the TransTape ripped off a whole layer of skin and caused a lot of red rash-like irritation and some bleeding no matter how carefully I removed it. The adhesive also sticks to your skin for a bit, which is a horrible feeling. I know many people that haven't had all these issues with skin irritation but you need to test it before putting it all over your chest.

KT Tape / kinesiology tape

Price: Recurring purchase. $5+ depending on where and how much you purchase. Generic available.

Wearability: Very good, especially for those with existing health conditions such as asthma that limit the use of traditional binding methods.

Binding: Best for B-cup and lower. Success with larger chests vary from person to person.

Purchase Options: Worldwide. Available in multiple skin tones and non-skin tone colors. Many more brands and purchase options available for kinesiology tape than TransTape, so I can’t get more specific, but there’s plenty of options available.

Risks: Adhesive reactions, cutting off circulation in chest if done improperly, removal can cause irritation and skin tearing.

Using KT Tape for binding has roughly the same benefits and downsides as TransTape. Binding with tape does not restrict breathing or cause back pain, which is a huge improvement from standard binding, especially for people with preexisting health issues. KT Tape, however, has a few differences from TransTape. It’s cheaper, which could be a major plus, but it’s kind of taken away by the fact that KT Tape is typically narrower than TransTape, which means the chest size it can effectively bind is going to be lower unless you’re using a lot more of it and being very clever about placement. The only people I personally know that have success with KT Tape have very small chests.

It’s possible to have similar issues with the adhesive as TransTape, so I highly recommend doing the same strip test on the thinnest skin of your chest, same as you’d do with TransTape. I don’t know the specific adhesives used by each company, but I recommend doing a strip test even if you’ve already done it with TransTape, or if you’re buying a new brand of kinesiology tape. I know people who have had skin irritation with TransTape but none with KT Tape, and vice versa. It’s always best to be sure before causing rashes and skin tearing over your entire chest.

Traditional Binders

Underworks

Price: $32.99 (tri-top)

Wearability: Very good, fairly comfortable

Binding: Very good compression, seen recommended up to H cup.

Purchase Options: US based. White, black, and pale beige skin color. Size XS-3X available. (XS: 28-30″, 3X: 49-52″)

Risks: All the risks of traditional binding—back pain, breathing constriction, pain from wearing the wrong size.

I, of course, remember the old days when people warned against Underworks and touted GC2B as the best binder on the market. Those days are long past, however—and Underworks binders have become one of the most recommended brands. The company and its binders are primarily geared toward cis men with gynecomastia, but include trans folks in their descriptions. (In my opinion, the cis male models of their binders do a bit to boost gender euphoria, but that might just be me). Underworks binders are comfortable and tend to be good at compression, depending on the one you get (tri-top seems to be the best at compression, but others are looser and more comfortable.) Underworks binders also have a lower neckline than some other binders, so if you often wear shirts with lower necklines that’s definitely a plus. The main downsides are that their binders only come in three colors, their only skin tone being a pale beige, and they do not carry sizes over 3X. The company is also not queer-run.

See the full post

126 notes - Posted September 18, 2022

#3

i can't even participate in proship discourse anymore cos none of y'all even know what proship means lmao

"proship is when problematic ship" actually no that is...nope. that's not what it means. the 'pro' bit is the prefix that means "in favor of, supporting, etc." it' is not short for problematic. proship just means pro-shipping; it just means you support everyone's right to ship whatever they ship, even if it makes you uncomfortable or whatever. it means you don't think people should be harassed and doxxed for ships.

like, in the end, there are a lot of reasons people ship different things, and its not my business whether it's for trauma processing (which is really fucking important, actually) or because they're using fiction as a safe way to explore fucked up shit, or because fucked up dynamics just mean very different things in fiction than they do irl because fiction is not reality. there are a lot of ships that personally make me uncomfy, but if i don't like something, i just block people. i click away. and that's why i consider myself proship. because they can do their thing, over in their corner, so long as I can do my thing over in mine.

and like this isn't meant to make any of you change your minds or anything, because i know a lot of you still won't agree with this. but i keep seeing young fans spreading the idea that "proship" means "problematic ship" and it's just frustrating to see.

271 notes - Posted June 4, 2022

#2

perks of being disabled and unemployed: can nap. like. all the time. SO many naps. little bit sleepy at ten in the morning? nap. eyes starting to droop while doing some silly little hobby? nap! want to make some bread but dont have quite enough spoons yet? nap!!

downsides of being disabled and unemployed: unimaginable boredom. all the time. constantly bored. you've got a list of shows to watch but you're tired of watching shows. a list of books to read but brain fog prevents you from just picking them up and reading them. so many video games in the steam library but somehow the thought of playing any of them is exhausting. also. no money :(

435 notes - Posted May 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

so tired of the insistence that bottom growth is Scary and Bad. i've heard so many people thinking about going on testosterone but deciding not to solely because they don't want bottom growth because they've heard so much shit about it.

like, dude. it's not that bad. it doesn't even hurt for most people. idk where the hell that idea even came from, tbh. you want the truth? it's a bit tingly for a week, there's a weird ass sensation of just being Aware that it's Growing for a month or two, and then it's super easy to ignore. obviously there are gonna be people who have more pain than others, people who have outies so they gotta be more careful about the seam of their pants, but it's genuinely not as scary and bad as people like to make it out to be.

it's not like you're growing a whole entire dick. it'll just be like, 1-3cm on average unless you pump.

it's ok not to want it. but i feel like there's a lot of exaggeration being spread about the symptoms and results bc not enough people talk about it. i don't even notice it most of the time (after a year on T). do yall wanna know the part of T that was genuinely painful? THE VOICE DROP. feels like you've got a sore throat for ages. totally worth it, ofc, but stock up on cough drops and try not to overexert your voice while it's going through the initial drop.

and since i'm here, remember to clean under the hood if you do have bottom growth. that's another thing i never see people talking about.

end PSA. have a great day

2,903 notes - Posted April 27, 2022

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