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blindedguilt · 6 months

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🔁 |[HIT ME. ♥]|

"You're going to get us killed." - Interaction Rewrite Prompts!

For Leonard, the weight of a child's blood upon his weapon was heavier than anything else he had handled before in his lifetime.

He hadn't the honour to have even called it the first, but different from his brothers, who had found their end directly by the blades of the Empire, there was no hope for the blame of responsibility to be lifted off his shoulders now that he had wielded that same blade himself.

Leonard's breathing was panicked and uneven. A cold sweat ran down his back as the sensation of the light body being flung backwards shot once more through his arms - he felt ill. Had he died? Had he done away with his life in that forest and been sentenced to hell? Perhaps it was all a punishment, an eternity spent in war, ending the lives of children just as he had his brothers. The screams had sounded too familiar for comfort.

He couldn't, couldn't bring himself to fight. The stakes didn't come to him. The seal didn't exist to him. The usually tranquil forest had roared with the sounds of the clashing steel, the hurried footsteps, the cries and mockery of the faerie - something like the dragon's voice had called his name in harsh rebuke, and whether it truly was her or Caim, Leonard didn't understand and stumbled blindly back to the garrisons in a piteous attempt to flee.

Too cowardly to die, and too starved to survive.

All that was clear to him against the roar of noise was his own breathing, the feeling of his heart pounding in its chest, and the crushing weight of the guilt from that thought repeating itself in his head like a mantra. Leonard struggled to break out of it - do or say something that could stop this madness. Anything. A sickened cry sounded at the sound of the mercenary's own cold reproach, and the hermit struggled to respond.

"Caim, please...!"

He had tried to utter words, either protest or a plea, but his throat had grown tight and left only a quiet whimper. Was that all he could do? Beg...? Leonard's weapon trembled in his hands. He was truly weak... He could have done more than beg. Just like his brothers, there was a thought that told him that he could have saved them. But, it was all the same. His family murdered for the sake of shameful pleasure. The blood of children spilled only for his own protection - his own cowardice to even die correctly. All for himself, a pathetic existence unable to even lift a finger against the slaughter of children.

Some wretched noise, a ragged fight for strained breath against the pounding heart in his chest, could be heard against the armoured thumps of bodies against the ground. Even from a distance, Leonard's frozen body could be seen trembling uncontrollably. The polearm dangled limply from his hands.

"They are only mere children...!"

The last uttered words before the hermit collapsed to his knees were a heart-wrenching sob.

Not a voice of disgust, but a cry in horror.

#||Reply||:Caim #{/without you i lose my mind.... GIVE ME A CAAAA~IIIIMMMM}#{/the way i JUMPED when i got this though!!! ! bri! caim!!! hello!!!!! that's my fucking guy right there!}#{/dreams DO come true!!}#{/BUT LIKE; LISTEN.}#{/THIS IS E X T R A SPECIAL BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT??? IT'S NOT JUST THE FIRST LEONARD-CAIM INTERACTION}#{/BUT LIKE}#{/LITERALLY HIS FIRST INTERACTION EVER!!!! this was the first ask i got on this blog!!!}#{/so that made it VERY hard to read lmao BUT I WAS SO HAPPY TO REDO THIS ONE IN PARTICULAR GOD BLESS}#{/both for its personal significance and ALSO as i mentioned}#{/the old ask makes me cringeeeeee.....}#{/this still could be better but here's the thing: it IS better compared to that lmao}#{/i really do wanna dive into leonard's likely trauma post-leonard's regret regarding that... <w<}#{/i would also KILL to see caim's whole retrospective on that someday as well omg}#{/BUT SERIOUSLY BRI TYSM FOR THE CAIMMMMM I MISS THAT NASTY LITTLE SHITGOBLIN SO MUCHHHHH <3333 it really brought me back QwQ}#{<- may or may not have taken so long on this because i was busy reading through old asks/replies and reminiscing}#{/i mean it when i say it now: leonard will be back in full swing SOON. after i get this last ask figured out and his DS1 verse established #{/im sending in the memes i have in my.......... 90 saved drafts folder lmao}#{/i keep PANICKING over all my drafts and literally a majority of it is just misc writing things that aren't even for this blog and memes}#{/either way; AGAIN; thank you so much for the ask!! i hope its at least better than the old one lmao}#{/and im so happy to write for caim again!!!! give him all my well wishes dhfbdfkjhbdkfj}

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tributes-vamps-and-ginnyweasley · 10 months

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We don't talk enough about what it's like to grieve a parent that's still alive.

#check out the rest of this post if you want #left this here for others to leave more comments #the other one is long tbh #parents #parenting #toxic parents #trauma #childhood #loss of childhood #teenage years #my blog is meant for info dumps of old traumas #making room in my top secret vault of ~traumas~#2 am vibes #sad vibes #rants #check out my blog if you like 2 am rants of old traumas

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deityofhearts · 9 months

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guess who finally figured out shit about one of their ocs

#deity dialogue #for the past few years cashmere has had like a heart problem but it was vague because idk shit about heart issues #I realized I can just be cliche lmao #so inspired by the many webcomics I read I’ve decided that cashmere is sickly and has heart problems due to his body rejecting magic #their family is a long line of famous sorcerers (yes this family is op as they’re royalty and sorcerers I can do what I want) but cashmeres #body was like nah fuck that I’m gonna die about it #their fam is big mad about cashmere ruining their reputation of being flawless people and perfect sorcerers #so obvs they just gotta ignore the problem and have cashmere hide that anything is wrong! it’s a fool proof plan #I love cashemre this bitch can fit so many problems and traumas in them #sorry my beloved mind blorbo I like to make my ocs suffer it’s fun and therapeutic 💖#it only took me like #god 6 years??? to get an actual like idea of what’s wrong with them #wait how old was I went I created cashmere #they use to be a diff character and then the heart problem was only something I thought up three or four years ago #let me go check my old art blog brb #returning to announce that my first post of cashmere (in the past she was a paladin named sabrina) was made july 2018!#so she’s five years old!

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cats-in-the-clouds · 2 years

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sometimes the innate human desire for God just screams so loudly through the things they say that i soooo desperately just wanna point it out to them

#shoutout to a longtime mutual on my old blog who posted something like #’trying to live for myself isn’t working but trying to live for other people doesn’t work either…’#there’s stuff like that all the time from her but that in particular really rang all the alarm bells in my head #bc i was like YEAH CUZ THERE’S A THIRD OPTION YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO LIVE FOR GOD #funny enough she later did post ‘maybe i should pick some specific god and pray to them instead of just yelling to whoever’s in the void’#so bad news is. threat of pagan worship. good news is at least she’s looking back into religion at all sooo #severe christian trauma tho (isn’t that everyone tho) so it might take a REALLY long journey for her to find her way back home #i was like ok it’s mega huge prayer time this is all i can do

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hyrulefate · 11 months

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HEADCANON COMPILATION: GENERAL TIMELINE (POST-OOT TO TP)

i was going through my headcanons tag on this blog & decided to compile/expand on what i had previously written regarding post-oot. surprisingly enough, these headcanons from 2019-ish still hold up to my interpretation of link. the details might change in the future, of course.

* NOTE: if you write any of the characters i mention (ie. oot zelda, ganondorf), you don't have to adhere to anything i bring up. these are my personal thoughts. i'm 100% cool with adapting to different interpretations of how everything plays out. that's the beauty of rping, don't you think? ^^

after being returned to the past by princess zelda, link sneaks past the guards to hyrule castle's courtyard. there, he meets the young zelda. for her, this might be their first time meeting. for him, it's the past repeating itself... but now, there's no fairy by his side, and link is more mature than he used to be.

link does everything he can to warn the royal family & expose ganondorf's true intentions. the terrible future he experienced won't repeat itself — not if link can help it.

he stays for a while. he spends time with the princess and reconnects with familiar faces... or, at least, link attempts to; they don't know him in this timeline. (that realization hits him hard.) all the while, the young hero searches for any signs of navi. epona becomes his steed once more during this time.

eventually, the search leads him to the land of termina. it's surreal to see familiar faces, except none of them are the same as their hyrulean counterparts. link gets cursed; he helps people, clears temples, collects masks... three days repeat over and over again until he awakens the giants & defeats majora with tatl the fairy by his side.

once again, it's just link and epona on the road. but why does tatl's absence hurt despite knowing it wouldn't last?

link resumes his travels and helps those in need. every now and then, he is back in his homeland with peculiar-looking masks in his possession. link keeps growing in height (one day, he notices he's seventeen again); his equipment changes. some days, he looks haunted.

the day ganondorf's execution goes terrible wrong, the triforce of courage burns on the back of his left hand. & all link feels is dread: it's still not over.

it takes years until he (reluctantly) gives up on his search. after accepting the offer of becoming a royal knight, he seems to settle down. (alternatively: he enlists and rises through the ranks as a competent swordsman.)

now, onto the depressing part of this, which i'm placing under read more. cw: death + a non-graphic mention of injury and eye trauma.

link's death isn't peaceful. it doesn't come to him in his sleep, no; it comes to him on the battlefield. the hero succumbs to his injuries and blood loss sometime after he pierces the enemy general's heart. the battle is won, but link is no more.

the loss of his right eye & the stab in his gut count among those injuries.

his death leaves an unborn child fatherless. the teachings of the old aren't passed down until much, much later; the hero of time becomes a spirit burdened by his regrets, a shade of his former self.

they bury him in hyrule. the exact location of his grave is lost to the sands of time. but some say he might have been granted a final resting place on the castle grounds...

#- ̗̀▵. ╱ what the legends oft forget; the hero was a mortal man. — hc. *#death cw #injury mention cw #eye trauma mention cw #for anyone curious: those old hcs can still be found on my blog!#this got long wheee #pls ignore any typos/grammar mistakes u might see #long post /

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gxlden-angels · 1 year

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I haven't been forced to go to church in so long so now the idea of Christmas coming soon terrifies me

#I moved out #started my own shit #I don't think I should go home #I know this is a religious trauma blog but I have general trauma as well #CPTSD go brrrr #also I haven't been thinking about my religious trauma as much lately so that's why I've slowed down with posts #idk maybe I'll post my gay ass poetry made from scraps of my old purity books #20000000 notes and I'll post the one about g-d not understanding love because he's never had gay sex #ex christian #religious trauma

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clericlost · 2 years

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side effects of the flaying. . .

most of these are tentative headcanons for my general portrayal, and pretty much all of them are post season 2 and effects put in motion as a result of being the mind flayer’s host. in no way or shape will i ever find anyone’s excitement over the idea of will having powers in canon or headcanon as a bad thing, i am just personally attached to these vague abilities of his being more canon compliant as a residue of his experiences with the upsidedown and as the mind flayer’s host, nothing more.

most of these were written pre - season 4, and likewise most are barely relevant after the byers move to california for reasons i’ll get into, but i figured i’d post it for old time’s sake and because it is a big element of will’s lasting trauma with the upsidedown, even outside of pure ptsd.

𝚃𝚁𝚄𝙴 𝚂𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃

while what’s described of will’s extra sense in season 3 is fairly similar to will’s ‘ now-memories ’ in season 2, they’re not quite as distinct as the constant influx of information that came along with being its host. after it vacates him, he loses the clarity of these things, but he doesn’t lose the concept of true sight he’d had before even being possessed in the first place [ think will’s intermittent hallucinations of the upsidedown for upwards of 10 months before it even possesses him in the football field ]. however, it stops happening as often when he’s awake and instead, when he sleeps. he dreams often of the upsidedown in what would be an actual live feed of that dimension, but it’s impossible for will to tell the difference between a memory / nightmare of the upsidedown and actually seeing into the dimension unless it’s undeniably obvious in either direction. nightmares are easy to discern if they contain purely fictional elements, such as deceased persons making an appearance, or hybridized re - experiences of traumatic events that already happened. regardless of which are which, they both lead to regular sleepwalking, but he’s much more likely to do this when seeing through the veil into the upsidedown, unbeknownst to him .

along the same vein, will has a very slight and general sense of the upsidedown, though it could be mistaken for a negative association with hawkins as a whole due to the two overlaying each other, as he’s used to associating negative feelings / sensations to the town anyway. this is more of a side note, as it manifests simply as a sensitivity to places where doorways have opened before, such as in the forest where nancy briefly crossed into the other in season 1, or the lab itself, etc.

𝚃𝙴𝙼𝙿𝙴𝚁𝙰𝚃𝚄𝚁𝙴 𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚂𝙸𝚃𝙸𝚅𝙸𝚃𝚈

i plan on writing a separate headcanon on will’s experiences with temperature even after just his first experience with the upsidedown, but after his time as the mind flayer’s host, his body is much more sensitive to the heat than before. cooler temperatures are subconsciously more comfortable, even if in extremes it can be somewhat triggering. he actively combats this new acclimation for the cold, ignores it even to the point of confronting the box of trauma he has tied to hot temperatures as well, ever since a bunch of soldiers aimed flamethrowers at an extension of him and pulled the triggers. he searches out the warmth almost as a means of purging himself, a need to make sure he’s truly rid of any and all remnants of the mind flayer and its hold on him. summer easily becomes his favorite season in contrast to autumn and winter, the cusp of seasons in which he first got swallowed into the upsidedown to begin with.

𝙿𝚂𝚈𝙲𝙷𝙸𝙲 𝙳𝚁𝙰𝚆𝙸𝙽𝙶

as we’ve seen, along with will having a general affinity for art, he’s used it as a means to describe the indescribable and infuse a lot of his trauma into. will draws as a form of coping and expression where the medium of words can feel too overwhelming or vulnerable. it’s usually abstract, masses of color, greens and blues and grays and reds, lots of silhouettes, but a lot of memories that aren’t really his come up on paper. usually technically incorrect, as far as actual depiction of events go due to him experiencing the things the mind flayer did to a more secondhand degree, but they definitely show themselves a lot, whether he’s aware that’s what they are or not. he draws soldiers getting overwhelmed by a hoard of demodogs, more tangles of vines outstretched throughout the town like a disease, the hungry swarm after jane and jim as they tried to close the gate. after season 3, he likewise pens a lot of the flayed and their entire journey of decimation. as times goes on, though, his art becomes more loosely correlated [ despite his best efforts ]. a landscape drawing will feature flowers that look a little too much like the face of a demogorgon, flecks of snow more like ash, lighting set instinctively low and grim in a way he doesn’t even realize until the piece is done.

he does at times purposefully draw his own interpretation of things to simply process, but half the time, he’s channeling what his awareness as a host could pick up of the mind flayer’s destruction, as well as the upsidedown itself, without truly meaning to.

𝚁𝙴 : 𝚂𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙾𝙽 𝟹

most of will’s connection to the mind flayer is vague, to say the least, and often hard to put into words. a lot of it’s like trying to describe a dream ; all the specifics are elusive when the time comes to voice them, even if you remember vividly what it looked / felt like at the time. it’s there, but far in the back of his mind. it’s more of an intuition than anything, a foggy impression, sensations, thoughts, images, as if when the flayer comes to a conclusion in its mind in any given scenario, will picks up on that even if he can’t determine what lead up to the conclusion on the other end. it’s easier for him to notice if the flayer is having a more intense or extensive experience, such as when it re - encounters jane and exhibits some of the first signs of genuine fear we’ve seen from it. while left only vaguely alluded to in canon, my portrayal of will was aware [ though to a much lesser extent ] of when the mind flayer would possess someone new, or liquefy them. however, he wouldn't be able to tell you that’s what he’s feeling, as it would be a distant sensation of something like expansion, almost like the flayer was stretching out, or a deep sinking feeling. as per canon, any time will picks up on the flayer’s presence / actions, it prompts very unpleasant feelings of anxiety in varying degrees and is often accompanied by goosebumps and other symptoms of general anxiety, such as nausea, tremors / trembling, lightheadedness, depersonalization / derealization, though it’s unclear which are from his connection to the mind flayer and which are just a part of his own ptsd.

tangentially experiencing the mind flayer’s death [ ? pretty sure it’s just the extension of itself stuck in hawkins that was cut off from its source like a puppet cut from its strings ] was a unique sensation of both boneless relief and as though his soul had just been vacuumed straight from his body down to the last atom before being bungeed back in again.

𝚁𝙴 : 𝚂𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙾𝙽 𝟺

moving to california is a mixed bag for will. on one hand, he wouldn’t have even noticed his general sense of unease living in hawkins until they’ve crossed the first state line. once they’re fully settled in their new home, the air itself feels lighter, every minute detail unburdened by the constant awareness of an overlay of rot and sickness just beyond the veil, right around the corner where another gate might rip its way into their universe. he’d gotten so desensitized to it in just 2 years without even realizing. and yet, on the other hand, he’s more alone than he’s been since kindergarten. stuck an arms length away from every single person around him that’s unaware of what’s happened to him and all of hawkins, indiana ; a gap that’s impossible to bridge, and he was already a bit of a loner to begin with. he’s beyond grateful to at least have jane as a peer, but he’s also the one member of the party least acquainted with her, as well as constantly battling the mess of dual jealousy and indebtedness he feels toward her. everything feels unfamiliar and disorienting, which is the last thing his psyche needs after the last 2 years he’s had, and yet it’s also undeniably easier in lenora, just to wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night, just to breathe. the sleepwalking lessens, episodes grow further apart, and jagged petals stop sneaking their way onto his canvases, the everpresent californian sun driving all the darkness away. it can’t reach the very roots of him, but it feels like a near thing. after a good few months, it’s almost easy to fool himself into thinking he’s forgotten what it felt like to be aware of the mind flayer’s presence at all.

#study. . .⠀headcanon #please be aware the overlap of symptoms of ptsd and a psychic residue of being the mind flayer's host is a fine line #a lot of these things that would be supernatural in definition feel a lot more like anxiety and intrusive thoughts and trauma responses #often the symptoms are identical and the only difference is that their being caused by both the trauma and the supernatural aspect of it #at the same time #i like my will without any abilities just cause it's my cup of tea. as fun as giving will powers would be!#i just like how will's link to the mind flayer and the upsidedown has always felt like... a haunting #yeah they could technically be described as abilities but they always feel like something happening To Him and not because of him #he's a haunted house to the flayer and it left copwebs in the corners #ptsd //#ask to tag #SORRY this is so long good god #i wrote 90% of it back on my old blog when season 3 dropped so i had to add a few addendums #most of it won't even be relevant post s3 because truly most of these symptoms would be barely there after the byers move #proximity has always been a big factor in will's awareness and distress caused by the mind flayer i think so moving to california is...#honestly such a weight off of him even if he hates it at the same time #my first long ass meta on this blog :') get used to it i can be sooo annoying. apologies in advance

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turnsorrow · 2 years

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alisaie being so unwilling to forgive her father (and to a lesser extent ameliance who re: suffers from association in the case of alisaie’s bitterness towards her parents) is kind of a fun dynamic tho bc alphinaud is the much more sympathetic twin and doesn’t completely burn those bridges / keeps faith in their family whereas alisaie is like u know what fuck u i can’t believe you would do that to us and goes out of her way to make it clear how much more important to her this found family she has is over her actual family unit at a certain point bc she TRUSTS the scions more.

i say fun bc it’s fun to think about post-ew after fourchenault came around and decided to believe in his children in the end bc like...... the damage is done, alphinaud re-establishes contact with his family BUT ALISAIE DOESN’T

repairing the relationship between her and ameliance is no doubt easier than with fourchenault, but it’s also interesting bc alisaie’s relationship with her mother literally can’t be fully repaired unless the bridge between her and her father is mended first. and thinking abt the dynamic b/t fourchenault and alisaie having to mend such a.............. horrendously broken father & daughter connection is Interesting.

#i wouldn't say alisaie hates her father. she like. DEFINITELY does not.#but the level of hurt and abandonment she feels regarding him is like active trauma tied in to her grandfather and fear of loss so like #it's a Lot #she just really wants him to understand her and he makes her feel inferior so she's constantly like kejrnmhkjnm 'aaaaaaaa'#she's in Pain #and she's a seventeen year old girl kjnermhkjn #she's more sympathetic towards ameliance but as long as she and her father haven't fixed things alisaie is too awkward and stubborn to #fix one relationship w/o the other #POST - EW LEVEILLUER INTERACTIONS !!!!#at least alphinaud and alisaie stick together the whole way thru.... no suffering there only sibling rights KJNEMRKJHN #hi welcome to my alisaie blog where 50% of it is screaming about her found family and 50% of it is screaming about her blood family #◦ 「 ☆ 」 —— out of character .#◦ 「 ☆ 」 —— headcanons .#ish #it's 2am i hope i am still making ANY sense

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martyrbat · 1 year

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need to make a new tumblr just to annoy my mutuals with bc ,,, i am obnoxious and my ex(es??) still follow my main

#u got the one that masturbated on a bus and wanted to start a cult with me (despite me having real?? trauma from that?)#<- which isnt even the worse shit he did #the one that says we were dating which i did not know about (was first bfs best friend too yikes!)#the one that said he wanted to use my hair that was rapidly falling out as a butt plug when i was 16 (he was 24 :))#the one that we werent dating but like. not not dating.#and several old friendships that fell apart #i cleaned my blog several times and jumped to new ones serveral (was on tumblr off and on since?? 11?) but good lord i dont want any memory #of being 16 which is when i mainly used current one #rly angry at past ransom for not making this a main blog instead too #but i didnt know my dc little fixation would grow to full special interest which. is my fault. when have i ever been normal about something #and i know most of u here are for the comic posting so i try not to stray from it too much but i am loudly #annoying and like many things. gotta figure smthn out hmm...#crypt callings

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passionfruitmango · 27 days

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my favorite universal constant is that through your continued growth and aging, you will always cringe at your past self

#universal constant #truth #real #universal truth #cringe #growth #past self #I say this after I started checking my old blog and found some stuff from 2014 when I was going THROUGH IT #I love past me but eeee #sending her love because yike #can't wait to cringe at my current self in the future #i was reblogging and trauma dumping on OTHER PEOPLES POSTS like oof

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dykefaggotry · 1 year

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i know it's to do w trauma but i really truly hate how little i remember of my life... like. even other ppl i've met with trauma will tell me so many stories about their childhood or teenage years and have so many details to it. meanwhile i literally don't remember... much of anything. i remember very vague things and most of it is because i've talked about it with other people so many times that it's Become a pseudo memory, but anything i didn't talk about i don't really remember.

like i was going through my old blog yesterday, the one i had from 2014-2015 and it's actually genuinely distressing how much i do not remember. like just a small example but my boyfriend's parents bought us a blu-ray player and we've been watching first class bc i only have it on blu-ray and i told my boyfriend like haha this is the first time i'm actually watching it on blu-ray bc we never had one before so i kind of just owned it to have it and it came with a digital copy....... only to find a post on my old blog where i mentioned that i was pirating first class because i "didn't have a blu-ray player anymore" and had watched it 1000 times on the blu-ray. i literally do not remember ever owning a blu-ray, let alone watching first class on anything but pirating/streaming. and that was just smth small! i'm going through my personal posts and i remember literally fucking none of it. i would talk about girls i was crushing on and i don't remember who they are or what their names were, i would talk about shows i was watching that i'm now sitting here like i've never even fucking heard of that show. i would talk about my best friend on here, this girl named reny, and i hadn't even fucking remembered that her name was reny until now even though we were best friends for like 3 years. but i didn't remember how we met (which was apparently through roleplaying charles & erik, which i didn't even remember i had done with anyone other than my ex), i didn't remember any of our conversations, i don't even remember where she lived. i don't remember any of the classes i was talking about taking, i have misremembered so much that is clearly documented differently on that blog... i don't know anything about my own life

and it's genuinely really terrifying. like i know i Know it is a dissociative disorder of some kind to do with trauma but what bugs me is i don't know what kind and i honestly do not really Want to know.

idk. earlier i tagged a post abt younger me like she just wasn't the one that could make it to adulthood and earlier i was talking about teenage me and was like i may have been going by she/her at the time but that one has a distinctly they/them vibe and anything else feels weird. and i'm not looking into it or staring directly at it bc this is smth to discuss with a therapist (or better yet, not with anyone ever at all bc i don't want to think about it) but i genuinely do not feel like i was the one driving that body for that long. it feels like there was a young girl that died when she was 9, then there was a really depressed tween/teen that made it to 16, and after that there's been me. i have memories now, after 16, with actual substance to them. but before that? nothing. and the me that was there from 9-16 felt the same way about the kid that was 0-9 and i only know that because they talked about it. and it is! terrifying! i hate it! i don't like to think about it! i don't want to know what it means and i don't want to know how much traumatic shit i have simply just literally forgotten bc it doesn't feel like it happened to me at all.

i don't remember my life. at all. everyone else seems to. even the most traumatized of my peers will tell me stories with so much clarity and detail and they know all the names of their friends and exes and all these places they went and things they did... all i remember is where i lived and what i looked like bc i have pictures. that's it. even things like interests are all jumbled and mixed up and i thought i could at least categorize those with some accuracy, but looking at this blog... i can't. i've forgotten (like completely forgotten to the point that i do not recognize the media name) major interests. i've lost so much. i don't know how to take that.

#this is a VERY long trauma dumping post haha i love being mentally ill on a saturday night #idk i'm just really distressed looking at my old blog and idk what to do about it #other than living laughing and loving <3 <3 <3

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