guys cmon. be ffr please. akemi did Not love taigen. the only reason why she was desperate to search for him to the point of putting herself in danger is because she didn't want to get married to an abusive man (which she believed at the time that takayoshi was). when seki tried to dissuade her from running off, her reason was not "but i love taigen and wanna be with him 🥺" it was because she refused to be controlled and have her autonomy taken from her; she literally says "i won't be locked away in edo married to a stranger." and when seki still tries to argue that getting married to the heir of the shogun would be better than getting caught by brigands, she then says "that kind of man"—referring to takayoshi—"treats women like animals. they say he's a tyrant." and when seki chuckles and says "what man isn't?" her response is "you." she doesn't even talk about taigen. she is using him as much as he was using her. they both see—or, well, saw—each other as means to an end. for taigen he saw that marrying into the tokunobu clan would elevate his status and wealth. for akemi she wanted the right to choose who she married, and she wanted that person to be someone kind. that's it! neither of them loved each other. but since they were courting of course they acted sweet to each other, and they do still care for one another, especially due to their romantic history. but let's be real! akemi is a boss bitch who dropped taigen and forgot all about his ass as soon as she saw takayoshi was a nice guy. because duh? not only is takayoshi a better lover (it's implied their lovemaking lasted a long time) but he's also kinder towards her and presents her with an opportunity to claim power and freedom, which she would not have if she had married taigen, as she would have still been stuck under her father's thumb. so literally why should she settle for taigen's stupid ass! she may be a little naive at times but she's still incredibly intelligent. she would not do something stupid for the sake of "love." you know who would though? taigen.
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I'm about to get so weird and "unwell" about some fictional shit someone please pay me to do research and write papers on supernatural or dracula or literally anything i can't get over and need to spend all my time obsessively researching about and dying to tell anyone who will listen!!!!!!!!
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Are You Getting Enough Sleep?
Doctors and scientists have repeatedly shown how important sleep is for us physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually. So it’s an important question to ask: Are you getting enough sleep?
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https://craigtowens.files.wordpress.com/2023/10/are-you-getting-enough-sleep.mp3
Doctors and scientists have repeatedly shown how important sleep is for us physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually. So it’s an important question to ask: Are you getting…
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I am in one of those moods.
probably bc I have been feeling good all week.
so I have to crash.
don't wanna eat or go outside.
too much peopling the last two weeks.
tired.
it's beautiful tho. besides being broke my life is pretty good actually.
but.
well. I just have to let it go, don't I?
I'm not going to have...that.
look on the brightside.
look on the brightside.
look on the brightside.
people forget that we exist in this world "whole" - body mind and soul - they all affect the other. and sometimes you can mind over body or spirit over both.
but sometimes you're fucked up physically and you have to take care of it. it's affecting you mentally.
or you're fucked up mentally and it's affecting you physically and/or spiritually.
or you're fucked up spiritually and you're just fucking up some things and not others. and so on.
like.. do people understand what's it's like to always be under assault or strain in one of these areas and have almost none or no support? what it's like to be a minority with social issues and physical issues (chronic and accute)?
it's a godddamn nightmare.
this shit. and people. goddamn the fuckinh people.
sometimes they're good. so good. and other times they may as well be demons. really.
I'm tired. I've over extended myself. I need to eat. and maybe get a little sun and sugar.
but mostly?
MOSTLY?
i actually need the goddamn love ive been seeking from another human being for my whole life. yeah
i actually need the sort of love that's described with words like soul mate, eternal, unconditional
and to feel that same love for the other person..
and every time. idk. i get overwhelmed? too excited. too ready and committed. i fall fast and hard.
i know what i like. i know who and how and what i am. if i want to love you.. i will give you everything short of what i cannot give you.
like my cats. or my health (bc wtf)
but i would try so very hard to do everything in my power to support. i would be the most loyal and loving person. i would learn you inside and out. how to pleasure, how to relieve, how to teach, how to learn, how to be and be there.
...
maybe that frightens people.
i'm just an anxious cringefail guy. i'm pretty boring, i'd say. but im hot and smart and funny and talented. i like to get better at anything i do. i'm always curious. love cats and nature and science and thunderstorms and autumn and life and strange things
ranting. gah. i just need to get it out of me.
because .. i know i'll never find the love im looking for.
i'm tired
i'm more likely to gain enlightenment than to find the woman im looking for
so imma devote myself to that 🤷🏽♂️
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