#only way is email and i talked to a site about it and they say it can work but i have to speak to the docs about it and yeah that's where

[ms-demeanor]

Hello,Do you have any tips for recovering from internet brain rot? It's like my patience has dried up and if there's a huge amount of text (even about topics I'm very interested in) that I have to read, I get annoyed and just don't interact with the material at all.

I have multiple tips!

TL;DR (Because of course I generated a wall of text): Take a break from the internet, create a schedule for getting yourself used to reading longer texts, take breaks while reading, and perhaps reconsider how you interact with The Internet and the world in general.

Here are the basic "to reduce the brain rot just don't interact" tips:

Take a break. Give yourself time off from The Internet (for these purposes The Internet is the social media industrial complex; clickbait news, recommended videos, social media sites, etc. You don't have to totally check out of email or your local news site, just get away from the huge time sucks). I'd say to take at least one day a week where you're online for less than an hour a day, and to maybe work up to doing a week-long break from whatever the main agents of rot are.

Once you've identified the main agents of rot, give yourself a time limit or set up rules for yourself. I don't let myself look at social media in bed, for instance; no staying up late on my phone, no scrolling before I get up and start my day. I don't give myself a strict time limit anymore, but for a while there I was very firm about "you only get to go online 4 hours a day" with myself.

Don't comment (or at least only share the things you really want to share). If you feel the need to argue, or if you feel pressured into sharing something, don't. Step back, maybe even open the post in a new tab or send it to yourself, and come back later. If you've been thinking about it and have decided it IS something you care enough to talk about, share it. If you look at the tab and feel stressed out or still feel reactive, close the tab and walk away.

Go out and interact with the real world in a non-work capacity for a few hours a week; take walks or go shopping or go out and take pictures of insects. Touch grass so that The Internet is not the only thing you're doing with your downtime.

Here are the "work on reading longer texts specifically" tips:

Set a reading goal for yourself. Maybe you want to read one New Yorker article a week, maybe you want to read all the way through news articles, maybe you want to read novels like you used to in high school. Figure out what your actual goal is and articulate that goal to yourself.

Set up a practice schedule and gradually increase the amount of time you're reading. Don't go from short tumblr posts to a novella, go from short tumblr posts to slightly longer news articles, then to slightly longer essays, then to a novella. You can do this in literal paragraphs if you want to - maybe your goal for your first day is to read five paragraphs in a row, and the second day is seven, and the third day is ten, etc, until you are comfortably reading for longer amounts of time without counting paragraphs. (Try this with books from gutenberg.org; read a classic you haven't read a few paragraphs at a time and if you find yourself going over your paragraph count, let yourself run with it. If you finish a book, good for you, find another one and start again.)

Set up a maintenance schedule. If your goal is to read longer news pieces, try to read a longer piece every week and try to read to the end of every news article you open. If your goal is to read novels or longer nonfiction, try to read a book a month (maybe setting aside dedicated time each week to read, maybe Thursday evenings are book time now). If you find yourself falling back into old habits, take a break from The Internet and do some more rigorous practice for a while.

If you find yourself getting frustrated while you are reading you can also take a break! Read until you get frustrated and then *instead of switching to a different page or closing the article* close your eyes or look out the window or away from the screen for thirty seconds (count 'em! count out the time in your head) and then continue reading. You can also take a longer pause and sit and think about why you're getting frustrated. Is it the subject matter? Is it just looking at this text for longer than a couple minutes (if you are experiencing FOMO because you're reading for another few minutes instead of scrolling, the harder tips at the bottom are going to be important to you)? Are you comfortable? Are you reading this text to procrastinate from something and the procrastination is making you nervous? Are you trying to read to the bottom of your dash and reading a long post is taking up more time than you want while scrolling? Are you bored? Genuinely and very seriously: are your eyes straining and does your head hurt (if this is the case when is the last time you had your eyes checked or your glasses prescription updated)?

Here are the much harder "examine yourself and reassess your reactions to things" tips:

Work on re-training your attention span.

Identify something that you enjoy and find deeply engaging, and schedule some dedicated time for that thing. Set a literal timer (it can be a short amount of time at first) and sit down and do the thing without switching to a different website or opening up an app on your phone. This can be re-reading or watching a couple episodes of a show you like or listening to your favorite album while you sit down and draw. What's important is to spend a longer time focusing on doing something you DO like before attempting to spend a longer time focusing on something you DON'T like.

When you're starting on things you DON'T like, start with things you mildly don't like, or that feel tedious but aren't actually unpleasant. One way I do this is by transcribing poetry; I look up poems that I connect to and I transcribe them into a notebook that I have for that purpose. I enjoy having the finished product, but I don't enjoy the process, so it takes some effort to stick with it. Maybe there is a boring book you have been trying to get through, maybe you need to detail your car, maybe you've been trying to take up embroidery - these are good things to make yourself pay attention to (having music or a podcast on can help, but avoid watching videos or opening social apps)

When you're okay at that kind of thing (doing something not actively unpleasant) work on your attention span for things you ACTIVELY don't like. I don't think you should be a masochist about this, but you should work on being okay with doing unpleasant things for a sustained period of time. All of us have to do unpleasant stuff sometimes, and it's better to be able to pay attention to it for an hour at a time than it is to put it off forever.

This leads into the next Big Tip which is:

Work on being less reactive

Find something that you dislike; I'm going to use conservative talk radio as my example.

Expose yourself to the disliked thing for short periods of time (under ten minutes, maybe under five minutes).

Work on moderating your emotions during the time spent exposed to the disliked thing. If it makes you angry, work on intellectualizing the anger without becoming agitated by it. If it makes you sad, work on accepting that sadness without letting it drag down your mood. This isn't precisely about becoming numb to stimuli, but it is about being more in control of how your emotional reactions impact you.

Analyze the disliked thing. Why does it make you angry? Is that on purpose by the creator of the thing? Would it make someone else angry in the same way? How would you explain the anger to a neutral third party?

Consider responding instead of reacting. Let's say you're seeing a lot of very sad and upsetting things online and it's making you sad and upsetting you. You re-share these things because you don't feel like there's anything else you can do or you get angry when you see people sharing incorrect information, perhaps you argue with people about this. Now try looking at the upsetting things through the lens of point number four. This has upset you; how has it upset you? And once you've thought about how it upset you and have articulated that to yourself, find out what you can DO. I cannot make conservative talk radio go off the air, but I can support the groups harmed by conservative talk radio; thus there is no point in me getting upset and angry about conservative talk radio when I could be helping the people they target instead.

And that gets us to the last big tip which is:

Ask yourself if you are spending your time in a way that is enjoyable and edifying.

We all have limited time in our days and limited time in our lives. If you are finding yourself frequently frustrated online, it's a good time to consider whether you want to be spending so much time online.

If you feel like The Internet has become a rat race in which you can't read more than a few paragraphs without getting frustrated, there's a good chance that not only are you spending too much time on The Internet, but you're also spending it on doing things that you don't particularly like.

A realization like yours, Anon, that you are getting frustrated with any longer texts, can actually be really helpful because it provides a good opportunity to look at what you're engaging with and consider the questions:

Is this something I enjoy?

Do I feel good when I do this thing?

And that's a great way to figure out how to get rid of things that are leading to your background frustration. Maybe that looks like paring down the list of blogs you follow, maybe that looks like unsubscribing from some youtubers and podcasts, maybe that looks like uninstalling apps, maybe that looks like blocking a whole bunch of people and terms on your socials.

I don't think that everything we do has to help us grow as a person or expand our consciousness or anything like that, but I do think it's important to prioritize doing things that you like and doing things that you feel good about.

Like, I'm not doing something *wrong* if I spend an afternoon on Youtube watching drama channels every once in a while, but if I come out of a few afternoons of watching youtube drama channels feeling restless and anxious and like I wasted my time - even if I enjoyed myself while I was watching - it's probably a good idea for me to take a break from drama channels and see if there's something I can do instead that will make me feel better.

ALSO, A NOTE:

You are an animal that requires significant enrichment in your enclosure.

Think about tigers. Tigers in captivity are going to be excited to get high-value treats for any reason. They will eat and enjoy the treats. But if a tiger in captivity is only given the treats and never given any other form of activity to engage with, it is not going to be a happy tiger. If you start putting their treats in a pumpkin or a puzzle feeder or giving them toys to play with, that is going to be a much happier tiger.

Please give your brain things to play with that are more than just treats (though it does need some treats!). Make yourself a happy tiger. Your brain need a puzzle feeder, not a treat button.

[wonusite]

Favorite

❝ When Professor Jeon realizes his most earnest student is no longer paying him the attention he craves, he goes to great lengths to make sure he’s the only one holding her attention. ❞

pairing: jeon wonwoo x fem reader

genre: teacher au, cam girl au, college au, smut

word count: 9.3k

warnings: illicit relationship, imbalance of power, age gap (reader is in her 20s and wonwoo is in his 30s), sex work, drinking, lots of pining, jealousy, misunderstandings, professor!wonwoo, student!reader, cam girl!reader, masturbation (f and m), oral sex (f and m receiving), unprotected sex, office sex, car sex, riding, multiple creampies, overstimulation, pussy drunk!wonwoo

a/n: this has been in the works for way too long and i’m so happy with how it came out. hugest shoutout to the nonny who sent in the ask that started it all. minors dni!!

You think you might actually die.

If you didn’t spontaneously combust from how embarrassed you felt, then you were going to go find a cliff to throw yourself off of. You can’t remember the last time you fucked up this badly, and it doesn’t help that it’s all your friends can talk (and laugh) about as you’re having dinner.

“Maybe he didn’t open it.” Vernon tries to reason.

“Yeah, right.” Soonyoung snorts. “He probably already clicked on the link and is jerking off to her videos right now.”

Chan’s laugh is one of the most endearing sounds you’ve ever heard, but right now it just sounds annoying. You’re glad you ordered an alcoholic drink with your meal because otherwise you wouldn’t be able have this conversation. When your friend sees your sour pout, he quickly changes his tune.

“You’re worrying for nothing. I’m sure once he saw what the site was, he clicked off.” Chan says as he not-so-subtly scoots his chair away from you. “He’s like the most respectful guy ever.”

“Chan’s right.” Vernon is quick to agree. “Professor Jeon isn’t the type to cross those boundaries with a student. You said you sent him an email saying it was a mistake, right? He’s a nice guy, so—”

“How fucking naive can you two be?” Soonyoung cut in with an incredulous look on his face. “I know his type. Those quiet guys are the biggest freaks behind closed doors. He’s definitely the type to fuck a student. I’ll put money on that shit.”

Chan pauses to mull over Soonyoung’s words while Vernon can only offer him an exasperated glare. The two boys know better than anyone how you feel about your professor, and they also know that the older man was the only person in the history of the universe to treat you coldly. This was definitely the worst situation you could ever find yourself in, but Soonyoung was too oblivious to see that fact.

Being the sweetheart that he is, Vernon is quick to change the topic. “Seokmin just texted me. He said everyone is on their way to Jihoon’s place. Let’s get the check.”

For a moment, it seems like your inner turmoil will be forgotten. Sure, you do have class early in the morning, but right now you were going to focus on having a good time at Jihoon’s party. And Vernon was probably right. Professor Jeon was the sweetest, most respectful man you had ever crossed paths with. He probably deleted the email after realizing what it was. And even if he hadn’t, this moment would eventually pass.

After all, no one ever actually died from embarrassment.

Everything was fine until the four of you are about to leave the restaurant and Soonyoung lets out a sound that resembles a chicken being strangled. His eyes are bugged out as he comically gestures across the dimly lit place. Your heart twists uncomfortably when you finally see what has him acting like a fool.

“I told you so.”

Those four words are the ones you hate the most in the world, especially when they’re coming from Kwon Soonyoung. You love him, you really do, but his lack of perception is fucking maddening sometimes. It’s especially infuriating in situations like the one you were in now.

“No fucking way.” Chan whispers with his mouth dropped open. “That’s—”

“Just because they’re having dinner together doesn’t mean they’re fucking.” Vernon reasons, obviously trying to spare what was left of your feelings.

“Who cares?” You manage to say without letting your voice tremble with the heartbreak that was currently seeping into your bones. “Let’s get out of here before they see us.”

Soonyoung only scoffs, not able to believe that your nosy ass doesn’t seem to care about the juicy scandal the four of you had stumbled upon. Vernon starts to push him out the door while you and Chan hurriedly follow behind them. Luckily, you manage to make it out of the restaurant without catching the attention of your English professor and his TA.

Normally, you would’ve loved to be a witness to any potential gossip, but this was different because you just so happened to be the tiniest bit in love with your professor. The more rational part of you knows that it doesn’t really mean anything that Professor Jeon was having dinner with his TA, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting a little bit (a lot).

No one ever died from embarrassment, but apparently dying from a broken heart was real.

“This is actually a good thing for you, Y/N.” Soonyoung says once you’re all in Chan’s car and driving to Jihoon’s party.

You grit your teeth and manage to answer him in a somewhat calm voice. “What are you talking about?”

“If Professor Jeon says anything about the link you accidentally sent him, you can tell him that you know he’s fucking his TA.”

It actually wouldn’t be a bad idea if even talking about the very possibility that those two were having an illicit affair didn’t feel like someone had punched you in the stomach. But instead of letting any of them see how much it actually hurt, you only offered what you hoped was a convincing laugh.

“Yeah. You’re right.”

You look out the window as the conversation takes a different turn, not noticing the looks Vernon keeps giving you all the way to Jihoon's apartment. He doesn’t say anything because you keep speaking and laughing like everything is fine. He should’ve recognized your calm and aloof behavior as a sign that you were on the verge of spiraling, but he didn’t.

Even as you unbutton two more buttons of your pretty blouse and hike up your skirt when you enter the party, he doesn’t say anything. It’s easy for him to assume that you want to hit on some of Jihoon’s producer friends for fun as you often did after getting a little tipsy.

It’s not until he sees you drinking like the world is running out of alcohol that he feels the need to intervene. Vernon quickly walks over to you, eyeing you with blatant concern. You don’t even acknowledge him as he goes to stand beside you.

“Maybe you should slow down.”

You ignored your friend’s concerned voice and downed another shot. In the back of your mind, you know he’s right, but the need to forget about your hurt feelings and humiliation was far greater than reason. Besides, you can hardly taste the alcohol anymore which makes it easier to drink to your heart’s content.

“This is a party, Vernon.” You remind him. “I’m only trying to have a good time. I deserve to, don’t you think?"

Of course he thought you were in desperate need of a fun night out. In fact, he’s the one who convinced you to come since it had been a hot minute since you left your apartment for something that didn’t involve working or school.

But Vernon can see that the way you’re drinking is only an after effect of what you saw at the restaurant, and if you kept this up you were going to black out like you did at Junhui’s party freshman year. Because he didn’t want to relive that night, he makes sure to bring you plenty of water and keep you within his sight. If he couldn’t stop you, he was going to make sure you were taken care of.

Maybe you’re acting childish, but you don’t really care at this point. All you can focus on is the pain that’s tightly gripping your heart. The alcohol helps a bit, but you still don’t manage to forget the events leading up to your irresponsible drinking.

You could get over your little slip up, and even the fact that Professor Jeon was potentially fucking his TA. But what really hurt is that your English professor seemed to display this great disposition to everyone in the world except you. Sure, you should’ve been grateful that he probably didn’t open the link you sent him because he was having dinner with TA, but your fucked up mind and heart couldn’t care about that for some reason.

It’s not fair, you can’t help but think.

You were down bad, but it wasn’t your fault. Every time your English professor smiles, you feel like your heart is going to implode. The way his kind eyes always form into crescents as the softest smile ever graces his face is possibly the most attractive thing you’ve ever seen.

What’s not fair is the fact that Professor Jeon has never directed his pretty smile at you. Not even once.

It’s not like he’s never had the opportunity to do so. You purposely arrive early to his class in order to sit at the very front, and not to mention that you’re very vocal during discussions and always answer his questions. But all he’s ever offered you is a fleeting glance and a nod of acknowledgement while the entire English department gets that stupidly endearing smile of his.

Chan always tells you how thirsty you look during class, and when you make the argument that he wouldn’t know since he always sits all the way in the back, he actually laughed at you.

You lean forward so much that it looks like you’re about to fall out of your seat, he’d said.

After you catch yourself doing exactly that during one of Professor Jeon’s more riveting lectures, you wanted the earth to open up and swallow you whole. If Lee fucking Chan—one of the most oblivious people you had ever met—had noticed your massive crush, then you were 100% sure your professor had as well.

Just thinking about it made you cringe and down another shot. The burning feeling made you come to a decision. If your professor didn’t care for you, then so be it. Tonight was the last night you would feel heartbroken over him. You were going to shove him out of your heart and mind if it was the last thing you did.

Wonwoo can’t describe the feeling in his chest when his class is ten minutes away from starting, and you’re not already in your usual seat. He tries to brush it off because maybe you’re just running late. After almost an entire semester of always being early, it was only logical that you would be late at least once. Things happened, and he was sure you would show up soon.

At least, that’s what he thinks until it’s actually time to start the class and you’re still no where to be seen. It bothers him and it shows. Bad.

The class is probably the worst he’s had since he first became a professor, but that was the least of his concerns. All he can focus on is the uncomfortable feeling twisting in his gut as he thought about the possibilities of why you didn’t show up to class. Wonwoo doesn’t want to believe that you’re too embarrassed to show up because of the link you accidentally sent him.

You had sent him an email containing the correct link and profusely apologizing about thirty seconds later, and after he saw the name of the website he could see how the mistake was made. Unfortunately for you, the two websites were very similar in name.

If you really were avoiding coming to class because of that, he wishes you would give him a chance to tell you that he wasn’t uncomfortable or angry. But Wonwoo doesn’t get the opportunity to speak to you as soon as he hopes because almost an entire week goes by until he sees you again. He sees you on the way to his office and calls out your name before he realizes what he’s doing.

The way you’re expression drops into a cold discomfort makes him falter a bit. Where was that bright smile you always directed at him? It only makes Wonwoo certain that you were still mortified over what happened.

“I didn’t see you in class on Tuesday.” Wonwoo says after you awkwardly greet him. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, just... personal stuff.”

The air is painfully awkward, and Wonwoo can’t stand the abrupt shift in your behavior. He needs to let you know that what happened shouldn’t make you feel uneasy around him because he understands that it was a mistake. However, he doesn’t react fast enough to do so.

“Professor.” You say hesitantly, nervously biting at your bottom lip. “Did you click on the link I accidentally sent you?”

You’re looking at him so shyly and nervously that he becomes powerless immediately. Wonwoo wants to make you feel more comfortable, but he also is unable to lie to you. “I did.” He says honestly. “But once I realized you sent the wrong website, I clicked off.”

Wonwoo can tell his honestly doesn’t make you feel any better. Just as he goes to comfort you, your attitude suddenly shifts.

“I’m really sorry. I swear it won’t happen again.” The apology sounds sincere, yet it’s missing the usual warmth your voice held whenever you spoke to him. “I have to go. I’ll see you in class.”

Wonwoo’s heart sinks when you run off without even giving him a chance to say goodbye. Maybe this is his own fault for taking your once sweet attitude toward him for granted. He never thought a day would come where you would actively avoid him.

A sudden determination to have things go back to the way they were overcomes him. Unfortunately, things got worse before they got better.

When he sees you again, you’re not early. You aren’t late either, but it’s odd to see that you don’t seem to care to be early anymore. And you don’t sit right at the front either. No, this time you sit all the way in the back between two boys—Lee Chan and Xu Minghao. This somewhat bothers him, but he can’t really be upset. After all, you were allowed to sit wherever you wanted.

It’s not until he sees you giggling and talking with those boys—particularly Minghao—during his lecture that he really gets agitated. He carries on as normally as he can, but this sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach is expanding up into his chest keeps distracting him. Deep down, Wonwoo knows this feeling is nothing more than petty jealousy.

Your new behavior carries on for weeks, and it makes Wonwoo feel like he’s losing his mind.

Finally, he decides he can’t keep his frustrations pent up inside and does something he knows he shouldn’t. When he gets home, he immediately goes to his room and gets on his computer. He opens the browser and is quick to click on the only site that’s on his favorites. Wonwoo quickly logs in, the action of typing his username and password is muscle memory at this point.

His eyes don’t mind the videos on the homepage, he only focuses on going to his subscriptions and clicks on the only profile he has under his favorites. Wonwoo let’s out a laugh. It’s quiet and slightly bitter. It’s funny how worried you were about him clicking on the link when he had been watching your streams since before you became his student.

Wonwoo feels a sense of sour accomplishment. He’s gone almost an entire week without watching any of your videos, but that was all in vain. As he scrolls down, he notices that you’ve done two streams since he last watched you. Just as he was deciding which one he was going to watch, he got a notification.

brattydoll sent you a message!

It’s pretty certain that Wonwoo flinched so hard it can be seen from space. He can’t believe what he’s seeing, and it almost feels wrong that this is happening to him. But he shoves all those thoughts aside and quickly clicks on the notification.

brattydoll: hi! you were the top tipper for the stream i did last week. as usual, you are eligible for a private stream. let me know what time and day best works for you xoxo

It takes him less than a minute to type a response to let you know he’s ready now. He waits in anticipation for your message, really hoping you say you’re ready too.

His dick starts to get hard when you tell him you’ll be ready in ten minutes while also explaining the boundaries you have while doing these private streams. He doesn’t really need a reminder since he’s won a private stream from you a couple of times before. Honestly, all he can really focus on is how he’ll get to have you all for himself. He quickly strips down to his underwear before he settling into his chair.

Wonwoo feels his cock twitch when you pop up on his screen. You have a sweet, seductive smile on your face as you gaze at your screen. It’s not like the one he was used to, but at least he can pretend you’re directing it at him like you know who he actually is. He’s fully hard by the time he notices that you’re wearing the lingerie set he sent you recently. You look absolutely divine in it. His very own temptation. Licking his lips, Wonwoo starts typing into the chat.

you look beautiful, baby. how have you been?

“How have I been?” You tilt your head innocently. “Horny. But what else is new?”

Fuck. This is exactly why he could never look you in the eyes for too long when he saw you in person. Wonwoo was always afraid you would be able to tell how much he wanted you if he looked at you too long. He was never good at hiding his feelings, after all.

“Do you like how your gift looks on me?” Your sultry voice asks, and Wonwoo feels his heart pound when your smile becomes affectionate.

i fucking love it. i knew it would be perfect for you.

Your tantalizing grin makes Wonwoo wish he was there with you. God, how he would ruin you.

“Before I start, I have one question.” You say as you lick your lips. “Are you not gonna let me see your pretty little cock?”

Wonwoo lets out a deep breath because he can literally feel his cock throb in need. He quickly angles his webcam so you can only see his torso before he turns on the camera. Your wolffish grin has precum oozing from his bulbous tip, and he thinks vaguely that he would fuck that complacent smirk right off your face if ever given the opportunity.

“Thought you were getting shy on me, baby.” You say as your hands start to trail up your body.

never.

You giggle sweetly, and Wonwoo feels like he can come from the sound alone. He wonders if you know exactly what you do to him and everyone who gets to see you like this. He suspects you do.

“I missed you.” It comes out breathy as you start to knead your tits. You bite your lip before pulling off your bra. “You hadn’t been on my latest streams, and I thought that maybe I wasn’t your favorite cam girl anymore.”

If only you knew.

you’ll always be my favorite, kitten.

You moan softly when you see the chat, thumb and index finger pinching and tugging at your nipples. “You promise?”

Wonwoo types a quick yes before he grips his cock, thumb rubbing across his slit, spreading the precum all over his tip. His large hand starts to pump his cock, watching as your eyes focus on the what he squeezes and tugs on himself. Wonwoo lets out a shaky groan when he sees your thighs squeeze together.

let me see that pretty pussy, baby.

You’re quick to push your panties to the side and your two fingers along your wet lips. Wonwoo’s eyes are glued to your pussy. Watching you use your arousal to lubricate your fingers is driving him insane, and he has to slow his movements when you sink your fingers into your cunt. He wonders what face you would make if it were his fingers fucking you instead. They’re so much bigger than yours are.

“Fuck.” You moan as you start to grind into your hand.

Wonwoo watches as your fingers move in and out of your cunt, eyeing the way you arousal is dripping down to your ass. Fuck. He wonders if you always get so wet or if the sight of his cock is getting you off. Part of him feels content deludedly believing it’s the latter.

Your moans grow louder when your fingers brush against your sweet spot. It’s rare that you imagine it’s your subscriber’s dick inside you and not your fingers, but cockydom’s cock is just so big and pretty that it’s hard not to. The other part of you thinks about your hot professor despite the fact that you were trying to get rid of the feelings you had for him. Oh well. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Wonwoo curses as his movements speed up. There’s nothing he loves more than watching you play with yourself while pretending that his fist is actually your sweet little cunt.

you close, baby?

“So close.” You whimper as you feel your orgasm building up. “Are you gonna be a good boy and come with me?”

He’ll do anything you want. Instead of telling you that, Wonwoo types in the chat to keep your eyes on him. He wants you orgasm to the sight of him coming.

You’re glad your eyes are focused on the pretty dick on your screen because it makes it easier to reach your orgasm. The sight of the flushed cock aching and throbbing makes you clench around your fingers. You can tell he’s close by the way his hips are bucking into his hand as he squeezes around the sensitive tip. His thighs are quivering, and with a few more drags of his fist, you see the first rope of cum shoot out of him.

Wonwoo lets out a strangled gasp as his cock throbs wildly with each ribbon of cum that shoots from his tip. He comes so much that his seed covers his hand and abs. It glistens over his pulsing dick while he fucks his hand through his high. He smirks when he sees that you’re eyes are completely fixed on him as he milks every last drop from his cock.

A low moan tumbles past your lips as your eyes roll to the back of your head as your orgasm washes over you. Wonwoo is careful to watch your facial expression, his fist subconsciously speeds up. You're just so fucking hot, and he just imagines how you would look coming on his cock.

You smile nicely and sweetly at the camera, biting your lower lip as you moan softly and rub a thumb over your clit. Two fingers spread yourself so he can see the way your folds glisten with your slick. Wonwoo’s zero in on your quivering cunt and the fingers that held them open. He just wants to take them in his mouth and suck them dry.

“I haven’t came that hard in a long time.” You breathe out blissfully. “You always do this to me.”

Wonwoo swallows thickly. Fuck. You’re turning him on all over again.

“Let’s end it here, baby. Be sure to watch my next stream.”

And just like that, the screen goes black and Wonwoo is left staring his own reflection.

Sometimes you have to wonder if your life was fate’s way of punishing you for something you had done in a previous life because there was no fucking way you were this unlucky without any reason.

When you agreed to meet Seokmin for dinner, you never thought you’d be itching to leave the moment you arrived. All you wanted to do was have fun and distract yourself from your failing plan to get over Professor Jeon, but unfortunately for you, fate had other plans.

After the hostess leads you to your table, it becomes clear that bringing along Soonyoung and Chan was a mistake. Because sitting at the table alongside your friend was none other than Professor Jeon Wonwoo. You nearly trip over yourself because not only is he there, laughing and talking without a care in the world, but he looks so fucking hot while doing so.

The older man isn’t wearing his glasses and his hair is slicked up, exposing his forehead. Your professor looks like an absolute dream, but all you can see him as is a nightmare in the flesh.

This could not be happening to you.

It always slips your mind that Seokmin is older than all of you, but now you know that you’ll never forget. You considered turning around and making a stealthy escape, but your overenthusiastic friend spots you before you can even make a move. He greets all of you with a loud shout. At this point you can't just run away no matter how badly you want to. But you decide to stifle all your feelings, and try your hardest to not act like a skittish animal.

“Professor.” Chan greets casually as you three go to sit, and you envy that he’s so nonchalant. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“I haven’t seen Seokmin in a long time.” Wonwoo says, noticing how you’re doing everything in your power not to look at him.

He won’t stand for it. Not anymore. “It’s nice to see you, Y/N.”

It gives him a sick thrill to see you shiver at his words. It’s subtle, but it’s there. He manages to smile instead of smirking like he wants to. Wonwoo has always known you’ve felt an attraction toward him, and he wasn’t going to let you forget it. After all, you were his favorite student.

“Don’t be so awkward!” Seokmin chastises you after you tensely greet your professor. “Wonwoo is just a normal guy right now! Don’t even think of him as your professor.”

If only that’s why you felt so uncomfortable.

Your first mistake of the night was bringing your moronic friends who can’t take a hint. The second mistake was ordering a round of shots to ease your nerves. It’s not like dinner isn’t going smoothly, but the coiling in your stomach refuses to let you relax.

You try to engage as much as you can without letting your emotions slip through, but your professor keeps making it hard. You’re not sure what’s wrong with him, but he seems interested in everything you have to say, no matter how small. You can’t help but feel a little bitter at that.

Where was this energy when you were making a fool out of yourself during his many classes?

“Y/N.” Seokmin calls in a singsong voice after he downs another shot. “A little birdie told me you’re seeing someone.”

You try to ignore Wonwoo’s piercing stare, but it’s hard. Instead of focusing on your professor’s uncharacteristic behavior, you cast a fleeting glare at Chan. He can never keep his mouth shut, and this time you don’t know how you’re going to keep yourself calm enough to answer Seokmin.

Somehow, you manage to respond normally. “I wouldn’t say that. This little birdie is obviously mistaken.”

“Really?” Soonyoung cuts in, and you can literally hear the alcohol starting to dictate his actions. “Because Minghao has been wanting to fuck you since high school, and you finally went out with the kid last week. It’s gonna break his heart to know that you don’t want to be his girlfriend.”

You clench your jaw and give Seokmin a look that said, control this fool before I murder him. Sure, maybe it would’ve been good for Professor Jeon to think that you weren’t trying to get at him because of the link you’d sent him, but talking about Minghao’s apparent schoolboy crush on you was not the way you wanted to do that. Also, it was just uncool to air out someone’s intimate feelings like that.

Before any of you could intervene and stop Soonyoung’s drunken ramblings, your dear friend keeps talking. “Of course you’re not obligated to return his feelings. If that’s the case, Seungcheol also wants to go out with you. Just let me know."

Chan might not be very observant, but he knows when you’re on the verge of exploding. He definitely does not want to see you on the warpath because it’s possibly one of the scariest experiences he’s ever gone through. So he quickly intervenes before you decided to shove one of the utensils on the table down Soonyoung’s throat.

“You said Jihoon asked you to sing on the new song he’s workin on.” Chan cuts in before Soonyoung can keep talking. “Did you say yes?”

This shift in conversation works out for all of ten minutes before Soonyoung starts up again. However, he’s now changed his target to your English professor.

“Wonwoo.” Soonyoung slurs the name slightly. “Can I ask you something?”

You can see the disaster waiting to happen, and you only hope he doesn’t do anything to perturb your teacher. As you share a look with Chan, you can tell he’s thinking the same thing.

“Since you’re not my teacher anymore, I feel comfortable asking you this.” Before he can say anything, Soonyoung continues. “Are you fucking your TA?”

Everything just goes silent.

Seokmin’s smile drops instantly. All he can do is gawk at Soonyoung. Chan looks at Professor Jeon while hiding his mouth behind his hand, and you just know he has that shit-eating grin on his face. That dumbass finds it funny, but you know that your friend isn’t done with his drunken questioning. Professor Jeon doesn’t seem all that fazed. He only blinks slowly before his eyes fall to you.

You’re not sure what Wonwoo sees when he looks at you, but whatever it is, he doesn’t like it. When he looks back at Soonyoung, there’s a lethal coldness in his eyes that you never in a million years thought you’d see. If looks could kill, your friend would be nothing but dust at this point.

“No, I’m not fucking my TA.” His deep voice comes out in a growl and you almost want to hit yourself for feeling turned just by the sound of it. “Why would you—?”

“You don’t have to lie. You’re amongst friends here.” Soonyoung declares with a laugh.

God, you’ve never wanted to throttle anyone more than you did right at that moment.

“Besides, you were seen having dinner at Michelins.” Soonyoung says before he gestures to himself then to you and Chan. “By us.”

It was official. You were definitely paying for something wicked that you had done in a past life.

Wonwoo’s shocked gaze falls to you, but you and Chan are too busy looking like you were one more word away from strangling Soonyoung to pay him any attention. Ten shades of horror goes through him at that moment because even though there was nothing going on between him and his TA, he didn’t want you to think there was.

“Aha,” Seokmin chuckles nervously. “Soonyoung’s a little drunk, I guess.”

“That’s right.” You say with a disgenuine smile and gritted teeth. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

Luckily, Seokmin is quick to call for the check with the pretext of needing to get up early to go record with Jihoon. You share a look with Chan as you all get up, knowing you were both utterly fucked. Sure, Professor Jeon didn’t seem like the petty type, but Soonyoung had a way of bringing that side out in people.

“Wanna share an Uber?” Chan asks you as he hold on to a wandering Soonyoung.

Again, you ignore your professor’s piercing gaze and shake your head. “Minghao’s gonna take me home.” You say as you gesture behind you to the waiting car.

Wonwoo watches with a clenched jaw as you slip away after only offering him a halfhearted farewell.

Since his plan didn’t work this time, he was going to move to Plan B.

It makes him smirk a bit. Soon enough, you’d be the obedient, earnest student you were before this entire mess started.

If Wonwoo felt hesitant about executing his plan before, he definitely doesn’t after seeing the way your attention is focused on Xu Minghao the entirety of his class. He can barely manage to keep a calm facade as he tells you that he needs you to see him before his office hours are over. Just as he hoped, you come just when there’s about ten minutes left. He knows you do it so you wouldn’t have to spend much time with him.

You try to rush him because you can’t stand him when he has his hair slicked up and no glasses on. And you feel like you’re going crazy because it almost seems like he’s aware of this with the way he’s looking at you.

“I wanted to make sure you don’t feel uncomfortable around me after what happened the other night.”

It’s a shame that you can’t tell him that you don’t want to talk about it, especially with him. Instead of telling him that you just wanted him to get out of your mind and heart, you only offered him an impassive shrug. “I don’t. Is that all?”

“I also hope you know I’m not sleeping with my TA.” Wonwoo says in a slow drawl that makes a familiar heat gather at the pit of your gut.

“Yeah.” You breathe out shakily. “I know you wouldn’t sleep with a student or someone who was your student.”

You feel like a wounded gazelle when Professor Jeon starts to stalk toward you. A quiet squeal leaves your throat when he wraps a strong arm around your waist and pulls you flush against him. “Who says I wouldn’t?” He hums against the shell of your ear. “I’m not fucking my TA because she’s not the one I want.”

A dull thumping sound fills your ears, and it takes you a second to realize that it’s your heart. You swallow thickly and look at Wonwoo with wide eyes when he pulls away from your ear. “I… but this—”

“Don’t look so surprised.” He purrs in that deep voice of his, and you can already feel the wetness start to pool between your legs. “Despite what you all think, I’m a cocky dom.”

It takes you half a second to figure out what he’s implying. Your jaw drops, feeling like you’ve been body snatched and dropped in an alternate universe. “You—! You’re—!”

“Don’t get shy on me now, kitten. That’s not you.”

If he’s cockydom, then he’s been watching you for a long time. Much longer than you’ve been his student. It flatters and mortifies you all at the same time.

“Do you know how hard it was to have you so close without being able to touch you?” Wonwoo groans as he presses closer to you. He smirks when you whimper at the feeling of his hard cock resting against you.

“I couldn’t even look at you without thinking about your pretty little cunt.”

Suddenly, it all makes sense to you. His coldness, his unwillingness to pay you much attention, everything. That’s all you need to realize before you smash your lips on to his.

Wonwoo moans into your mouth, hands sliding down beneath your skirt to dig into your ass. His cock twitches when he feels that you aren’t wearing any underwear. Fuck. He was going to ruin you in every way possible.

You slowly guide him toward his desk without disconnecting from his lips, needing him to fuck you like you’ve dreamed of him doing from the moment you saw him. Just as you’re about to bend over his desk and show him how wet you already are, a knock startles you both.

“Professor? Can I come in?”

You both recognize it as his TA’s voice, and just as Wonwoo is about to tell her to get lost, you put a finger to your lips. He can only watch as you drop to your knees and crawl under his desk before you motion for him to sit down. It’s almost comical how easily he complies with your wishes, just how he always has during the private streams.

You really do have him wrapped around your little finger.

Wonwoo pushes his chair forward a bit, but not too much so he wouldn’t crowd you. He clears his throat before telling his TA she can come in.

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“No.” Wonwoo’s smile is too pretty and too casual for your liking. “Not at all.”

So you do what any other rational person would do.

You start to undo his pants.

Wonwoo is always good at keeping a poker face, but you’ve observed him long enough to know when he’s starting to get flustered. The edges of his mouth tighten and his eyes get this look in them. It makes you lick your lips. Oh, this was going to be fun.

Somehow, you manage to get his cock out of his pants without making too much noise. You find it kind of cute how Wonwoo is acting like he’s unaffected. However, his hard, twitching cock says otherwise. It’s so big and thick, and looks ten times prettier in person.

You lick your lips before you wrap them around the big mushroom top, gently swirling your tongue around to nurture the head. You’re looking up at him, holding back a smirk. He keeps talking with his TA about lesson plans and other shit you don’t really care about. How can you when you finally have his cock in your hands and mouth like you’ve always wanted?

Wonwoo covers a moan with a cough when you take the rest of him into your mouth. Well as much as you can, anyway. They say the camera adds ten pounds, but it didn’t do his pretty cock any justice. You can barely fit half of him in your mouth.

That doesn’t stop you from sucking his dick like a lollipop. It’s heavy against your tongue, weighing it down with the sweet, opaque drops of precum. Wonwoo is surprisingly good at not making any noise, but you can tell he’s close when he starts to carefully thrust up into your mouth, forcing you to take him a little deeper.

You speed up your movements as much as you can without making any actual noise, hollowing your cheeks as you do.

“Are you okay?” That stupid TA of his asks. “You look a little flushed.”

“Just fine.” He grits out with a tense smile. “We should probably wrap up now.”

You hear the rustling of papers just as Wonwoo starts twitching in your mouth. The soft whine you let out feels like a hot rubber band around his cock.

“Lock the door on your way out.” Now your professor sounds like he’s in pain, and you know you have him right where you want him.

“Okay?” His TA sounds confused. “But are you sure you’re—?”

“Just go.” He growls, and in the next second you hear the door slam shut.

You almost laugh, but when you see Wonwoo’s thighs clenching you prepare yourself to swallow every last fit of cum he has for you. It doesn’t take long for his cock to twitch wildly before ropes of hot, salty cum shoot down your throat. He always comes a lot, but you overestimate your ability to swallow it all. Some of this spills out of the edges of your mouth as Wonwoo lets out a loud moan.

When you pull away, he grips your arm and helps you up so you’re face to face with him. He looks so good, sweaty and flushed from his orgasm. Wonwoo’s thumb wipes the excess cum from your chin before shoving his sticky finger in your mouth. You happily lick his tongue clean, making sure to moan wantonly while you do so.

Wonwoo picks you up easily and settles you on the edge of his desk. His eyes are dark and hungry as he put his hands on either side of your thighs. “Such a fucking tease, kitten. What would you have done if she caught us?”

You boldly smirk at him, feeling your arousal drip out of you and spill on to his desk. “No one would believe her anyway. Everyone knows sweet, respectful Professor Jeon would never fuck a student.”

That’s all it takes for him to grip the front of your flimsy t-shirt and literally rip it off of you. The cold air hits your bare tits, and you can’t stop the surprised gasp that you let out.

“No bra and no panties?” Wonwoo growls, licking his lips at the sight of your hardened nipples. “Were you planning on seeing that boy tonight?”

You bite your lip and smirk. Maybe you would let Soonyoung off the hook sooner than planned. “So what if I was? You have your TA to keep you company after hours, no?”

Wonwoo growls a bit before he lifts your skirt enough to expose your dripping cunt. He licks his lips when he sees that your sweet nectar is staining his desk. He gently moves to rub your folds before delivering a harsh slap to your cunt. You whine loudly, hips thrusting upward. He repeats his actions until you’re literally trembling against him.

“Such a bad girl.” Wonwoo says as he start to rub your cunt to ease the stings of his slaps. “But let me make something clear to you, kitten. I make the rules here.”

Before you can think to protest, Wonwoo shoves his fingers inside you, knuckle deep. You can only moan and grind into his hand as he curls them expertly against your sweet spot. His actions almost have you screaming, cunt clamping down on his relentless digits. He pulls out his fingers from your needy hole with a wet pop just before you can allow yourself to fall into true bliss.

Wonwoo smirks when you let out a bratty whine. He loved every second of it. His bratty princess. “Your pussy is so greedy, baby. Sucking my fingers in and not wanting to let go.”

You might feel embarrassed, but Wonwoo drops to his knees and smashes his face into your hot cunt. He smirks against you when you let out the sexiest moan he’s ever heard. Immediately, he shoves his tongue inside you and swirls it around slowly, licking up every drop of your juices.

Wonwoo can’t help but moan at how good you taste. Fuck. He knew you would taste like heaven, and it feels wrong that he’s deprived himself of you for so long. This all feels like a dream to him.

All you can do is whimper and mewl as you grind your cunt into his face. You let out a broken whimper as you feel your climax approaching. “Professor!”

Wonwoo pulls away from your cunt, smirking when you whine. “Uh, uh, kitten. It’s Wonwoo. Say my name.”

He groans when he sees your fluttering hole clench around nothing, and again he dives in like a madman. This time he shoves his fingers inside of you, needing you to come on his tongue. All it takes is a few licks and pump of his fingers for you to close your legs around his head and orgasm with a shout of his name.

“Wonwoo!”

Fuck. He’ll never get over hearing you moan his name. At this point he doesn’t care if the dean himself hears you. He won’t stop until he stuffs you full of his cum.

You can only watch as he tugs off his clothes, appreciating how good his body looks in person. Wonwoo stalks towards you and rubs your cunt a little, mean smirk on his face. You pout at him with a low whine and wrap your thighs wrapping around his waist. “Don’t be mean like you usually are.”

His other hand moves around your body to roughly knead at the swell of your ass, pushing you against his fingers. You mewl softly, fluttering your eyelashes bat him as you look at him with puppy dog eyes that you know he won’t deny.

“Don’t be a fucking brat.” He growls suddenly shoving his slick coated fingers past your lips to shut you up.

Your tongue feels heavy as you twirl the tip around the pads of his fingers, hands scratching at his chest. A low groan rumbles in his broad chest as he watches you with darkened eyes. “Only good girls get fucked, kitten. Remember that.”

Before you can say something bratty as is your custom, the words on the tip of your tongue when you feel the tip of his cock grinding against your wet entrance. It makes your mind go blank with need.

Wonwoo’s fingers slips out of your mouth and settle on your hips to keep you still. “Your little cunt is so wet, all for this fucking cock, huh?”

You nod fervently, mewling loudly as he pushed in slowly. The stretch burns, but also feels so fucking good. You feel every ridge and vein of his thick cock, but Wonwoo isn’t satisfied with only your mewls and whimpers. Even as he’s fully sheathed inside your hot cunt, he’s thrusting painfully slow, dragging his hard cock along your walls torturously.

“Don’t stay quiet, baby. Tell me how much you want my cock.”

Your whine makes him throb inside you. “I’ve wanted your cock for so long. Just fuck me already.”

“What a whiny little brat.” Wonwoo smirks as his hands move up your body to pinch your nipples. “So fucking cute.” His words are slightly slurred, drunk on the feeling of your pussy struggling to fit his whole length.

“Fuck! Wonwoo!” You moan when he starts to thrust into you.

You can only whimper and gasp as his big cock rams into you at an unrelenting pace. It’s almost too much, but you quickly learn that your nerdy English professor is insatiable. His palms trail down to your thighs until he has your trembling legs pushed up against your chest. This new position makes him fuck you deeper, and by now you’re babbling under him, head thrown back and incomprehensible moans on your lips.

“Fucking love your cock!” You moan as he continues to hit the spongy spot inside you.

Your thighs are quivering from how hard he’s fucking you, but you love it. All you can focus on his how the cook in your stomach is on the verge of snapping.

Wonwoo groans at the feeling of your slick walls clamping down on his cock. He pulls back a bit, watching in awe as the base of his cock gets coated in a thin white ring of cream. A broken moan tears from his throat as his cock starts to twitch and throb inside you. “Gonna come for me, baby?”

All you can do is nod stupidly as he lets out another groan from how tightly your pussy is. “Good girl.”

It only takes one more snap of Wonwoo’s hips for you to come undone and coat his cock with your cream. He moans along with you, hips still thrusting to fuck you through your orgasm.

Your glassy eyes stare up at him in your afterglow and you wonder if it’s the mind numbing orgasm singing through your veins or if Wonwoo has always looked so ethereal. 

“Fuck, kitten. All this for me? How cute.”

You can only whine pathetically when you realize Wonwoo is talking about the wet squelch that’s filling his office when his cock slams in your pussy. A string of broken whimpers tumble past your lips at how he’s pounding into your overstimulated cunt.

“So fucking tight, baby.” He breathes out heavily.

From his sloppy thrusts, you can tell me close. It makes you grin and purposely clench down on him. “Fill me up, professor.”

He thinks you’re kidding until you push away the hands that are still holding on to your legs. You stealthily wrap them around his waist so he won’t pull out. Wonwoo moans, unable to hold back his orgasm. You both moan as he dumps his cum into you, his hot seed filling you to the brim.

He slowly lets you go, and just as you think you’re done. Wonwoo flips you over so you’re on your stomach and bent over his desk. He groans at the sight of his cum leaking out of your cute little pussy.

You lay pliant and silent as Wonwoo folds your skirt up, his big hands kneading the globes of your ass in a gentle circle. Being the inpatient brat that you are, you wiggle your hips back until you bump against his damp cock. Wonwoo lets you rut your ass against his crotch for friction until he stills your hips with a click of his tongue. “So impatient, baby.”

“Only for you, babe.”

Wonwoo groans and spreads one ass cheek to the side and exposing your messy cunt to the air. You’re so pretty and wet for him, hole fluttering and glossy with your mixed release.

“Want me to fill your tight little cunt again?” Wonwoo asks patronizingly as he nudges the head of his cock between your wet folds.

You smirk against the cool wood of his desk. “Don’t act like you’re not dying to.”

Wonwoo can’t be angry when you arch your ass further against him in invitation. Not when he knows your words are true. Also, he finds it increasingly difficult to refuse you. His fingers curl around your waist and your body down his desk until he impales your little pussy on his cock. The stretch is painstakingly slow, forcing you to feel every inch, ridge,and vein dragging along your walls.

“Oh!” You moan wantonly. “Fuck me.”

“Look how well you take me. If only you would’ve kept your attention on me, I would’ve been nicer.”

You can’t tell if he’s mocking you or not, but you don’t fucking care. His big cock feels too good that it’s all you can think about.

Wonwoo groans in approval, watching the way your pussy expands as he draws back. He’s obsessed with the way your cunt sucks him in nice and tight as he plunges back into you. Being the insatiable little brat that you are. You start you bounce yourself back on his cock.

“Kitten.” He says through a strained moan. “What did I tell you—?”

His reprimand is cut off with a sharp grunt, his hips stuttering while you tremble and frantically fuck your cunt on his cock at a quick pace, the pleasure coiling in your lower belly faster than before. He smirks and decides to match your pace until you can’t take it anymore.

“So wet and perfect for me.”

Your eyes roll to the back of your head as Wonwoo start to slam into your spot at a brutal pace. The loud squelching from your pussy and your moans is all you can hear. It’s almost a miracle that no one has come to his office from all the noise you’re making.

“But I think.” Wonwoo grunts as the tip of his cock ventured deep into your cunt, intoxicating him with your tightness. “My bratty princess still needs to be taught a lesson.”

His deeps voice makes you shudder, and when you sink your nails into the hard woods, you feel large palms cover your smaller hands. Wonwoo links your fingers together before he starts pounding into you once again. He groans at the feeling of your hot cunt clenching down on him. So perfect and tight.

He fucks into you roughly until you’re wrapped around him so tightly that he can barely move. Wonwoo can tell that he’s fucked you stupid because all you can do is whine and moan about how big he is. It’s nonsensical babbling that doesn’t really make sense, but he loves every bit of it. All it takes is for you to cream on his cock for his own orgasm to hit. Your spasming walls make him thrust deeply into you, fucking his cum back into your walls relentlessly.

Once he can’t handle the overstimulation he gently pulls out of your sensitive cunt. You mewl softly, and Wonwoo feels like his heart is on the verge of exploding. He gently rubs his thumbs against the back of your hands before pressing a sweet kiss to the side of your head.

“Come on, baby.” He says gently as pulls you up from his desk. “Let’s get you home.”

You’re not sure when you fall into an almost domestic routine with Wonwoo, but you’re too busy enjoying the bliss of fucking him to care. A giddy feeling blooms in your chest when you’re leaving your part-time job for the night and see your professor's sleek black car waiting for you. No matter how many times he’s waited for you, the warm feeling never dulls.

Within minutes of getting into his car, your back is brushing up against the steering wheel as you sit on Wonwoo’s lap. By now you’ve taken off your jeans and are only wearing an oversized sweatshirt that originally belonged to him. Of course, you’re also wearing the pair of lacy panties that he bought for you a while back.

“Fuck, kitten.” Wonwoo licks his lips as he lifts the material covering your clothed cunt. His cock twitches when he sees that the fabric is wet. “Did you know I was coming?”

The grin you give him makes him want to ruin you. “I was hoping you would.”

You’re so needy, but he loves it. And now he’s going to ruin you all over again.

Wonwoo loves the pretty little sounds you let out as you start to grind into his clothed cock. “You’re acting so needy. Does that mean you’re gonna behave tonight?”

You give him an impish grin and shake your head. It would be a cold day in hell if you were ever to be pliant for him. Wonwoo growls lowly, and before you know it, he’s pulling out his cock and dragging you up and down the length of it. “You feel that? It’s all for you, baby.”

Being the impatient brat that you are, you don’t wait for him to give you permission to sink down on to his cock and start bouncing on it. Your fingers dig into his shoulders, desperately holding on to him as if he could disappear right in front of you. His fat cock is stretching you out so much, and no matter how many times you’ve fucked already, you’re still not used to it.

“Fuck, baby. You feel so good. So tight.”

You let out a loud whine when Wonwoo starts to thrust up into you. All you can do is moan his name as your pussy spasms and clenched down on him as he grips your ass to help you fuck his cock.

“So fucking good.” You mewl as the tip of his cock hits your g-spot with every thrust.

The sound of skin slapping fills the car and all you can think about is how good you feel. It doesn’t matter that your arousal is leaking down to his balls and staining his pants. Your hot cunt feels too good. Wonwoo moves his hand down to toy with your clit, thumb pressing into it a bit as he starts rhythmically rubbing it with his thrusts.

Wanton moans spill from your mouth as you feel your orgasm approaching. Your fingers claw at his chest as you finally come, feeling the coil in your lower abdomen finally snap. With a few more sloppy thrusts, he goes as deep as he can before finally releasing his load into you.

As usual, Wonwoo keeps fucking into your wet walls, eager to fuck his cum back inside you. Your mixed release seeps down to the driver seat, but that’s the least of Wonwoo’s worries. He pounds into you harder, your cunt practically swollen now by how hard he’s fucking into you.

Finally, he slows his movement before completely stopping. He makes no move to detach from you.

“Will you spend the night with me?”

He asks so shyly and cutely that you can’t deny him. It’s not like you were going to anyway.

“When am I gonna get fucked on cam?” You read the chat with a giggle.

“I don’t know.” You said as you smirk at the man behind the camera. “Whenever my boyfriend stops being so camera shy.”

Wonwoo bites his lip, smirking as you took off your bra. If it’s something you wanted, if course he would do it.

Because you’re his favorite.

taglist: @duolingofanaccount @felix-3002 @junhui-recs @asjkdk @dani41 @kageyama-i-want-tobiors @ohwonwoo

#svthub #wonwoo smut #svt smut #wonwoo x reader #svt x reader #jeon wonwoo smut #wonwoo x you #svt x you #seventeen x reader #seventeen x you #seventeen smut #wonwoo fanfic #wonwoo fic #svt fic #svt fanfic #seventeen fic #seventeen fanfic #wonwoo #svt #seventeen

[nights-at-crystarium]

As a twitter/tumblr user since 2010-2011, I believe I have sufficient grounds to say that currently we as a community are living through the scariest, shittiest time yet. This post isn’t trying to fearmonger, no I’m not leaving tumblr until it literally keels over, but I suggest that we don’t put all our eggs in one basket.

If twitter/tumblr stay usable, great! In the worse scenario, you’d have kept posting on a new platform and stayed ahead of the curve.

This post shares my personal experience with three potential “new”* fandom places, and is aimed to help fellow content creators. I’m an artist fully depending on internet to survive, my reasoning may not apply to you if you’re a hobbyist. Do your own research, it’s always healthy. * Pillowfort and mastodon have been around for 5+ years, bluesky is ~2 years old.

Discovering new people to follow kinda sucks on all three platforms, twitter and tumblr are eons ahead, but, given the recent chaos and uncertainty, I’m willing to be patient, keep posting on those, and feel safer than I would’ve otherwise been. More baskets good, one basket bad.

All three have poor visual customization, don’t expect custom tumblr themes.

This list starts with the least popular, but most human and easy to join, and what I personally trust the most. All three allow nsfw if labeled properly.

✦ Pillowfort is a barebones tumblr. Intuitive, cozy, but currently very, very small. Be patient with its clunkiness or lack of some features, it’s made by an AO3-like team. I’d personally love if the fandom crowd managed to redirect its attention to it instead of the sus bluesky.

Joining: is free, invite-only, but the waitlist is nearly instant.

Lurk around on their official tumblr: @/pillowfort-social

✦ Mastodon, for me personally, is impossible to explain directly. I’ll use several comparisons.

- Discord but all servers can interact. You’re still on a server curated by some human(s) that might tell you what you can and can’t post, BUT, if you don’t like that server’s policy, you can move to a new one while keeping your followers. - Email, users A and B may be registered on different domains, still they can talk. It’s a weird comparison, but fediverse (please I’m not explaining THAT but it’s a good thing) in general looks like another email story: unlike big sites that come and go, it might stand the test of time. - Someone compared mastodon’s structure to xiv’s dc and servers, if you look at its domain names that way, it might be easier to understand.

Depending on user, mastodon may feel gatekeepy/snowflakey. I haven’t spent enough time on there to form a proper opinion yet, but a warning’s due.

An actually good and hopeful thing about mastodon AND tumblr: the two might start interacting in future. Ever lamented that your fav asian artists don’t use tumblr? If they use misskey, or any other place on the fediverse, it might be possible to follow them directly from tumblr in future, and vice versa.

Joining: is free, however some servers close for new members sometimes, and have human moderators reviewing your request.

✦ Bluesky is a twitter without Musk: today’s average internet user reads this, drops everything and already looks to register there. It’s still sus, but people flock to it like crazy. Most likely to become the next big fandom place in my eyes, even if I’m not happy about that.

I personally have no good feelings about bluesky. Same as twitter, which I hated even before the 2018 tumblr exodus, yet the crowd decided to make it The New Fandom Place, and, grudgingly, I had to give up and also join them in 2022. During the year I haven’t stopped despising twitter, yet, I can’t deny that it helped me survive. I estimate half of my patrons, and, hell, even tumblr audience, comes from twitter. So, if bluesky ends up being the next hot shit, I’ll have to keep up because internet pays for my living.

Joining: is free but hell, invite-only, the waitlist is a lie, your best chance to join is a direct invite.

This’s all I’ve got to say for now. If you have a correction or an addition, replies/reblogs are welcome!

Screenshots of the current interfaces under the cut, you may spy on my profiles o/

Pillowfort

Mastodon.art

Bluesky

#i grabbed a name on cohost and inkblot too but those interfaces instantly turned me away #also i'm not covering the mobile apps since i'm a pc-only user #social media #pillowfort #mastodon #bluesky #text post #long post #this already started making rounds but i wanted to add about algorithms #all three seem to have no algorithm atm #only 100% about pillowfort tho

[promise-you-doie]

Coming Home | J. Jaehyun TEASER

After hitting a dead end in your job search, you reluctantly return home to stay with your mom. However, fate has other plans as you unexpectedly cross paths with an old flame. Sparks fly as you navigate the complexities of past feelings and present circumstances, reigniting a passionate connection that refuses to be ignored.

Jaehyun x reader (Exes to lovers)

Fluff, Angst, Suggestive.

As a little girl life seemed so easy, you expected that by the time you entered your 20’s you would have graduated and walked right into your new career. If little girl you could see adult you right now she’d run away from you screaming and crying. 

You had 300 dollars, a coupon for a free medium two-topping pizza from that pizza place you order from too often, and a (useless) tech degree to your name. No one wants to hire you, you’ve ruined your credit during your college years and you just decided to end your three-year relationship. 

With all the odds turned against you, there was only one thing you could do; go back to your hometown to stay with your mom just until you got back on your feet. 

Leaving Los Angeles was already gut-wrenching but landing in Connecticut ripped away any dignity you had left. The air smelled the same as when you left, and the people hadn’t changed a bit. 

You wanted to drop down to your knees and bawl when the realization set in that this was where you were going to be for the next few months of your life. However you still had at least an ounce of dignity left in you, so you grabbed your luggage and collected your emotions to walk towards the pickup section and wait for your mom. 

Blinking back tears, you inhaled a deep breath and pulled out your phone. Waiting patiently as your phone searched for service in the area. When the service finally sets in, your phone blows up with 70 different alerts. Two calls from your best friend, Yeri, and three text messages from her telling you to have a safe trip and to keep your head up. 

Six missed calls from your ex boyfriend, and seven text messages from him begging you to talk to him. 

 51 emails from the various job search sites that you signed up with, and one singular text message from your mom. 

Mom: Hey! I won’t be able to make it. But don’t worry, I’ll have Jaehyun come pick you up. Can’t wait to see you! 

As if on cue, a familiar black 2015 Toyota Corolla pulls up right in front of you, and none other than Jung Jaehyun gets out of the car. 

“This has to be a joke.” You breathe, your shoulders raising as you do so. 

He smirks the second he lays eyes on you, “Wow you haven’t aged a bit.” 

You wished you could say the same about him, he’d grown a lot more mature since you last saw him. He wasn’t the 18-year-old boy you were once head over heels for. He was way taller, he grew his hair out and you could tell that he started using the gym. 

“Why are you here?” you look up at him with folded arms. 

He doesn’t take you seriously, he never did. “Sorry I’m late.” he chuckles and takes your suitcase from beside you to load it in the back of his car. 

Once he finishes his first task, he walks back around to open the door for you. Gesturing to the passenger seat with both arms and a smile that you wished you could hate. 

“I’m not getting in the car, Jaehyun.” You remain in your spot, arms still folded over your chest. 

“No?” he asks condescendingly.

 You repeat, “No.” firm on your feet. 

“Well I guess, I’ll see you there then.” You watch him close the door and walk to the driver's side, all without sparing you a single look. He starts the car and drives away, leaving you with two options. 

You could chase after him and embarrass yourself, or you could remain stubborn and just call an Uber. 

You choose to chase the car after realizing that the phone that you would use to call an Uber was sitting in the back of his trunk.  

He watched you run after him from his rearview mirror, he slowed down but refused to stop until you were banging on the side of the window begging him to stop. He got a thrill out of this, and you could tell. 

“Did you change your mind?” He teases.

Physically Jaehyun was a completely different person, he grew up well you’ll admit that. But personality-wise? He hadn’t changed at all. He was still the same sarcastic asshole you met in high school. 

You mutter “I don’t have my phone.” as you slide into the passenger seat. You subtly look around, taking notice that the car still smelled the same way you remembered it was just cleaner now. Sooner or later your eyes dart to the back seat, and Jaehyun chuckles when you do. 

“So what’s L. A like?” He asks suddenly, one hand on the steering wheel and the other draped over his thigh. 

“It’s fun and different. My boyfriend helped to introduce me to a lot of new things.” You purposely mention your (ex) boyfriend just to see his reaction. 

To your dismay, his reaction is as simple as none. He only asks “How’s long-distance gonna work out for you? It didn’t seem to work with us.” 

“We’ll do fine.” 

The car falls quiet for a few moments before he starts up a new conversation. 

“I’m glad you're back.” The statement seemed taunting even if you knew that’s not how he meant it. You always dreamed of moving away to a big city where no one knew who you were, and now that you're back home it just felt like you were a failure. 

“I’m not staying for long.” you gaze out of the window. 

“Since you’re back in town we should hang out sometime.” He suggests, sneaking glances at you. 

“I didn’t come back to see you.” 

“Suit yourself but remember I'm always just a phone call away.”

#fluff #drabbles #nct x reader #nct imagines #nct fluff #nct #nct 127 #nct icons #nct angst #jaehyun #jeong jaehyun #jaehyun smut #jung jaehyun #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun nct #nct jaehyun #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun icons #Jaehyun angst #nctzen #nct au #jaehyun x y/n #jaehyun x you #nct x you #nct smut #nct scenarios #fanfic #nct fanfic #promise-you-doie

[uboatheflesh]

Here's me recording/performing of empathy shield live on Behind The Mirror, RTR 92.1 FM on the 24th of August 2023. photos by alt.live.perth (Jess).

Set was a little shorter due to the radio time constraints. Also gave a brief interview (the interview on the site was done beforehand over email, theres also a pre-mastered version of empathy on there, I only spoke briefly after the set on radio). Again, empathy shield was completely improvised based on carefully pre-selected sound design elements. Done in the middle of autistic burnout, where I could barely speak on radio due to slowly going into verbal shutdown . Luckily my tour hosts Jess and Amir were absolutely supportive and got me through it.

I went on to play this show a few days in later, also in borloo/perth at the Badlands Bar. It used a lot of the same elements of empathy shield. I have a few feelings about it.

After the end of my set, I had a total verbal shutdown as soon as I got off stage and snuck back into the green room.

Worse, I managed to break the zip on my dress (got caught in the mesh I was wearing) and was stuck in it for 20 minutes before I had to ask a band for a shirt to cover the broken top half. Then several old perth friends I had not talked to in ages came in to talk to me only to find me simply unable to say hi back. I felt terrible about it. Indeed, I was in a terrible state. However - everybody around me there understood. A fellow autistic woman even gave me a fidget spinner. Even if I didn't use it (weirdly too overwhelmed to stim?), I kinda happy cry every time I think about that somebody even offered one to me non-judgementally. Only a few years ago would I have seen as a ridiculous r*tard baby for being a 'professional musician' who does this, but now it's ...its treated kinda like normal. Wish I had this kind of understanding growing up before I was diagnosed. Now, I am never the only ND at the gigs I play. Indeed, the NT's are usually the minority at them. Then theres the fact that so many other (and more well-known) musicians are being open about their autism (like Ethel Cain or Justin Broadrick) which would also be unthinkable years beforehand. It genuinely warms my heart. This is why I am loud, proud and cringe about my neurodivergence now. I don't want to be repeatedly traumatised by it anymore based on misunderstandings that we autists inevitably get, or failing to meet allistic standards. Every time I see a fellow autist get horridly traumatised because somebody (usually NT) got the ick it fucking hurts. Or when they blame themselves for failing to meet arbitrary allistic standards and fall into a horrible depression for not being 'normal'. It hurts even more if its a fellow autistic transfeminine person. I wish I could do more about it, like psychology or social work - but music is what I am stuck doing for the time being, so I'll try to do what I can here. Hence several upcoming songs /records (including the two Roadburn commissioned original compositions) neurodivergence takes a central role. It's lame, but sometimes its good to be lame. Sometimes it's necessary. We have a long way to go, but its also important to remember we have also come a long way too.

/gen

#autistic artist #noise #ambient #death industrial #harsh noise #drone #experimental #dark ambient #uboa #trans artist #actually adhd #mini essay

[dnalt-d2]

Christ alive can anyone get a break right now??

(Ahem)

Update time, once again!

Also once again, it is a mixed bag

So to start off with, as most everyone knows, Pomme and Dapper's admins have resigned from their positions. This is incredibly unfortunate, and I honestly don't know what it's gonna mean for the French Creators who said they wouldn't stay on QSMP if Pomme's Admin was fired. Since she technically left of her own volition, I really don't know what they're gonna do

(Edit: I talk about Quackity's stream here but I don't speak Spanish so I can't personally say what was said exactly. Thankfully, it looks like someone JUST POSTED an English Translation so I'm just gonna drop the link here for anyone who wants to read it)

On another note: Quackity has finally given a slight update. For obvious reasons, he can't say anything specific, and I wouldn't have expected him to. But according to the translations I've seen so far, basically said that he can't update because the leaks that happened are creating added complications in the restructuring process. I'm assuming his reason for that is that he simply doesn't want anymore information to be leaked out, but unfortunately, that's just counterproductive to the miscommunication problem

AND SPEAKING OF MISCOMMUNICATION???

So as you all know, I've been in support of the French Union getting involved with this. As I've stated a dozen times now, Unions are meant to be resources, people who inform employees of their rights and do what they can to help them get those rights. As far as I know, one of the main things they do is mediate between the employees and the employers. But APPARENTLY the Union has not attempted to reach out to Quackity outside of Twitter. Which REALLY isn't all that professional. Twitter is a NETWORKING site. Meant to START building connections. Afterwards, people typically move onto email or even discord, which are way better equipped for the long-form communication that's about to have to happen

So even if Quackity WAS active on Twitter, which he isn't. And even if the Union DIDN'T know that, which they do. This isn't the right route to communicate. They have stated that he "has their email" and has to "reach out to them." They are apparently working on the logic that SOMEONE would have had to pass on the information to him by this point, which isn't a fair assumption at all, considering that we know there were Admins ALREADY hiding information from him before all this

They're acting like Quackity is the CEO of a major corporation, with COUNTLESS RESOURCES on-hand. Yeah he's the CEO of this business, but he's also a 23-year-old Twitch Streamer who in all likelihood is learning a LOT about running a business for the first time AS WE SPEAK. I'll tell you right now, when I was 23, I didn't know jack-shit, and I'd still say I don't most of the time. And the only reason I LEARNED jack-shit was because someone would actually TELL me about it. When someone makes mistakes, it REALLY helps them learn when someone is able to not just point out the mistake, but also HOW to fix it. I don't know how they're expecting him to grow from his miscommunication mistakes when they aren't willing to give him the chance to

And yes, there are MANY problems that need to be fixed, as I've said before. But Quackity did outright confirm some of the other things I've said too. That things ARE happening, and we aren't hearing about it. That we aren't GOING to hear about it. Which is fine. It makes sense. We aren't the people who need to know every step of the process. But he is going to have to figure out a better system for talking to the Admins. It's a real problem when he's communicating with people like Aypierre that Pomme's Admin has her job still, but didn't tell the Admin herself

There's still lots of problems, and I know it sounds like I'm just repeating myself, saying to wait and see, but in reality, there isn't much else we CAN do besides that and voice our support

This might be the last time I make a post on this for a bit, because this has been a little draining on me. Which I would normally be able to handle SUPER easy, I'm pretty good at handling stuff like this well enough. But now I've also got real-life stuff reminding me that no matter how much better things SEEM to be getting for me, something's gonna come smack me in the back of the head to remind me that actually things suck, and I just should've known better! And unfortunately that stuff requires my focus more than this. I'll still be here, watching everything, maybe commenting on stuff, but I might not be quite as vocal as I have been

Once again, I remind you all, take care of yourselves first and foremost. Whether it's physical, emotional, or mental, or whatever else. You matter more than the events taking place here right now. My support goes out to all of you, as well as the Admins who VERY WELL COULD BE SEEING THIS APPARENTLY. So I guess this message goes out to them as well lol. You guys rock and I've enjoyed all the contributions you've made

Anyways, see you all later

#qsmp #qsmp admin situation #admin situation #qadmin situation #quackity #qsmp quackity

[decolonize-the-left]

Do you have any advice on learning local politics? It's easy to find resources on big elections and such, especially in big cities, but anything small, say town- or county-wise, is basically impossible to find information online. The only alternatives I can think of are word-of-mouth and newspapers, neither of which I really trust in a red state

Any help you can provide would be much appreciated!

I would call city hall and ask when the next public city council meeting is and show up, for more general local politics stuff. It's also a good place to ask about candidates tho.

Idk how small your town is but the candidates are typically posted on the city's government site.

You could try to call your city hall or send them an email if they have one. Even small candidates usually have a Facebook or Twitter or something, so then I'd look for that once you have names.

If they don't have that either... then yeahhh, you live in an Actual small town that requires you go out into public and make small talk the way small towns very often do and gather info on the local politics that way...and read the paper. And I wouldn't trust it either. Sorry anon!

#asked #answered

[copperbadge]

Hi Sam! When you decided to go for an adhd diagnosis, is there a reason you went to the type of place you chose? I know you ended up having a difficult time with them after your evaluation. Did you go to your pcp first or try any other routes?

I’m starting to feel very heavily impacted by what I’m fairly certain is undiagnosed adhd, and I really want to try medication to see if it helps, but as I’m sure you’re aware, the process of making appointments is very difficult for one with undiagnosed adhd. Sigh. I’m wondering if it’s worth it to try and just make an appointment with my regular doctor to see if that gets me anywhere. But I know that doctors tend to be very cautious when prescribing, and I don’t want to bother with completely pointless appointments.

I just feel so overwhelmed when I think about trying anything else.

Yeah, I started working on getting evaluated in 2019 and only managed it in 2022, so I'm familiar with The Delay :D It never occurred to me to go through my primary care doctor -- I haven't had one for most of my adult life, because my insurance doesn't require it in order to see my specialist, and I just use a clinic if I'm sick. If you have a PCP you trust that's probably your best bet. You don't need to talk to them about prescribing, even, just talk about "I wonder if you have a recommendation for where I might get evaluated." You might even be able to get a recommendation without making a formal appointment. But if you get pushback on getting evaluated, then you can venture out on your own (more on this below).

I had a recommendation for a testing site, and I called a handful of times in 2019, but they never called back -- the desk person would say "Leave a message for our scheduler" and I'd say "Is there any way I can talk to a person? I keep leaving messages that don't get returned" and they'd say "Oh, they'll definitely return it this time" and that never happened. So by about mid-2019 I gave up and said I'd deal with it later. I started to research it in 2020, but then there was a global pandemic and I didn't want to be spending hours on end in a small room in a medical center.

And honestly, whenever I spoke about it to someone who wasn't a peer -- a parent, a doctor, etc -- I'd get a skeptical look and the response, "But you're so put-together and you're successful. Why would you think you have ADHD?" And I internalized that a little, to the point where I thought, yeah, I'm coping fine, it's not like anything would change other than maybe medication, why bother? Which...

That worked until it didn't, sometime in late 2021.

It worked until I looked at my life, which was not falling apart, and could see it fraying, and that if it did fall apart, it would be catastrophic. So my resolution for 2022 was to get evaluated. If it was ADHD, to get medicated; if it wasn't ADHD, to get help because clearly my life was not going as well as it looked.

So I just...sat down with an empty spreadsheet and I started googling "adult adhd evaluation chicago" (If you're not in a major city, I'd google your state or major cities nearby instead). Every site I found, I recorded the URL, my thoughts on the site, and their process for making an appointment. Once I had a list of places, I started "cold-calling" -- mostly via email, just reaching out to each place and recording the date and how I contacted them. When they answered, I recorded the date they replied and whether I responded.

The place I ended up going wasn't the first to call me back but they WERE the most responsive, and the first to schedule me for the evaluation (I did save the spreadsheet in case that fell through). They did a good job, more or less; I had struggles with them, but those were more to do with the fact that the woman who evaluated me already had one foot out the door and left my eval unwritten, meaning someone else had to take up the slack, which took time. And it at least helped to be able to say to my prescribing psych, during our first meeting, "Look, I have a diagnosis but I'm struggling to get the paperwork from them, and I'm really hanging on by a fingernail here." He gave me a much-abbreviated evaluation (basically a 20-minute questionnaire) and was able to prescribe for me that day.

So your other option is to just...find a psychiatrist who specializes in adult ADHD and/or ADHD medication management, make an appointment, and say, "I don't think I have it in me to set up a longform evaluation for this. I'm wondering if you can help me get evaluated and get some help." One of my goals was to get medicated but your overall goal is not medication -- the goal is help, and that just often happens to be medication. This isn't like, a trick to get a prescription or to manage a suspicious doctor (those have their place, believe me I know) -- your goal in getting treatment should always be to improve your life. But it's okay to want medication, you just have to want it in terms of improving quality of life, not medication qua medication.

So on the one hand, you sound like you need help, and you should work towards getting it -- but on the other, bear in mind that this sometimes just takes the time it takes, and keep your eyes on the goal. If you can be doing something, do it, and if you can't, then don't feel guilty that you can't.

Good luck :)

#sam has adhd #adhd

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Amplification: Part One

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.4k

Summary: A deadly spread of Anthrax is going around infecting and killing people. One of your own is affected that completely tears your world into two. How will you over come this?

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated

x

"It will become fine dust over all the land of Egypt and it will become boils breaking out with sores on man and beast through all the land of Egypt." - Exodus 9:9

"I want to go back," you say in the elevator heading up to the office.

"Me too. Maybe we can make this a monthly thing. You know, go someplace really fancy for the weekend."

"I'd really like that," you grin and pull him closer. You two are the only ones inside the elevator, so you don't feel bad when you kiss him like you would in the bedroom. "I love you."

"I love you."

"No, I mean I'm in love with you. Every part of you."

"You stole the words right out of my mouth," he laughs.

The elevator doors open and the smile is lost from your face. The entire BAU floor is covered with people from the military. Something is happening but you're not sure what. No one is visually panicking but you can feel it all. Derek and Emily are by the glass doors just watching the chaos.

"What the hell is going on?" you ask and join their side. "Why is the Military here?"

Without stopping to talk to anyone, you head into the briefing room where JJ, Rossi, Hotch, and some strange woman are.

"What is going on?"

"Guys, this is Dr. Linda Kimura, Chief of Special Pathogens with the CDC."

"Hello. I'm sorry to meet under these circumstances."

"What circumstances?" Spencer asks.

"Last night, twenty-five people checked into emergency rooms in and around Annapolis. They were all at the same park after two in the afternoon yesterday. Within ten hours, the first victim died. It's now just past seven in the morning. The next day, we have twelve dead."

You take the files and read through them quickly.

"Lung failure and black lesions. Is this Anthrax? This doesn't kill that fast."

"This strain does."

"What are we doing about potential mass targets like airports, malls, and trains?"

"There's a media blackout."

"We're not telling the public?" Email gasps.

"We'd have a mass exodus. The psychology of group panic would cause more deaths than this last attack. If it does get out, whoever did this might go underground or destroy their samples."

"Or if they wanted attention and don't get it, they might attack again. Doesn't the public have the right to know that?"

"I agree with Emily here. The public has a right to know this," you agree.

"If there is another attack, there's no way we'll be able to keep it quiet. Our best chance of protecting the public is by building a profile as quickly as we can. What do we know about this strain?"

"The spores are weaponized, reduced to a respirable ideal that attacks deep in the lungs. It's odorless and invisible. This is a sophisticated strain. Only a scientist would know how to do that."

"These lesions are doubling in size in a matter of hours."

"It's not the lesions I'm worried about, it's the lungs. We don't know how to combat the toxins once they're inside. The reality is, we may lose them all. The remaining survivors have been moved to a special wing at Walter Reed Hospital. I'd like for your offices to become a small command center."

"We'll be working with military scientists from Fort Detrick," Hotch says.

"General Whitworth is coming here?" Rossi asks.

"He's in charge of site containment and spore analysis. Determining what strain this is will help inform who's responsible."

"My team is in charge of treating all victims," Linda informs.

"Reid and Y/N, go with Dr. Kimura to the hospital and interview the victims. Morgan and Prentiss, there's a hazmat team that will accompany you to the crime scene." Linda brings in some pills for everyone in the room. "This is Cipro. Everybody needs to take it before we go."

"We don't know if it's effective against this strain, but it's something."

You take a deep breath to calm yourself and grab one of the cups. You look over at JJ who is trying to suppress her concern. As soon as she takes it, she leaves and heads to her office to be alone. You know she's worried about her family. If she can't tell the public, then she can't tell her family about the risks.

Before you can go to the hospital, you need the files on all the victims who have been affected by this strain. JJ has all the files, so you and Spencer follow her to her office. She is looking at her phone with a look of concern on her face.

"Do you have the files on the victims?" Spencer asks.

"Did you see this memo from the director? Office phones and emails are being monitored."

"Yeah, they're trying to protect the media blackout. Files?"

"Right here."

She hands them over to him.

"Thanks. I want to see what kind of medical treatment the victims received before we head to the hospital."

There had been another strain of Anthrax that was going around in 2001 where the suspect put the Anthrax on envelopes. It affected a lot of people but it was never this deadly.

"Why do you think the suspect in 2001 stopped sending the letters?" JJ asks about the previous incident.

"I have no idea, but if he hadn't, it would have been much worse."

"The worst part was not knowing when it was gonna be over. You know, feeling safe opening mail again."

"Five people died. Many more were exposed and gotten sick including a baby who was admitted into the hospital after lesions appeared on his skin."

"How did he contract it?" JJ asks worriedly.

"I have no idea. The baby must have come into close contact with a tainted letter or crossed paths with the unsub himself."

"How old was the baby?"

"Seven months."

Fear and panic spike from JJ. She thinks about her own son getting this. She wants nothing more than to contact her family and warn them.

"Did he survive?"

"We gotta go. Dr. Kimura's waiting. I'll call you from the hospital."

"Spence. Did the baby survive?"

"Yeah, but, I mean, that was a curable strain. This thing's entirely different."

"Spencer, you are freaking her out," you whisper. "She has a baby of her own." Spencer goes quiet and decides to leave before he says anything worse. "JJ, listen to me. Henry is going to be fine. Will is going to be fine. I am your son's Godparent, so I say he's going to be just fine. You can't think like that."

"Like what?" she whispers with tears in her eyes.

"Like that. You're going to go home and be with your family who are going to be fine. I love you, but I have to go now. Keep your head up, JJ. They're gonna be fine."

Rossi and Hotch work with General Whitworth and the CIA to figure out what's going on here. The CIA said there are a few overseas terrorist groups with funding and capability for this. The FBI and CIA need to look at anyone who is going to profit from poisoning everyone, especially people who have patents on Anthrax vaccines. Not to mention anyone with access to weaponized spores like people from universities, scholars working in bioweapons research, and employees of labs who keep germ collections.

General Whitworth and his men are trying to decode the strain and learned that the additives used to strengthen the bacterial capsules don't exist at the CIA research labs, and there aren't any known labs to have these substances. He'll provide a list of all scientists in the CIA Anthrax programs just so the FBI can rule out anyone who decides to have a side project.

This unsub is someone who has the ability to manipulate and weaponize Anthrax, so it doesn't matter what General Whitworth's views are on the BAU. Someone above him believes in the power of profiles, so he has no choice but to listen to orders.

You and Spencer reach the hospital with the people who are sick with Anthrax. The public doesn't know what is going on so there isn't a lot of panic going around, but the ones that are affected are struggling very hard. There is only one person who is well enough to answer some questions since most others are either dead or close to being dead. Dr. Linda Kimura leads you and Spencer to Abby Belle's room.

"Hi, Abby," Linda says gently. "Are you feeling any better?" She shakes her head no. "This is Agent Reid and Y/N from the FBI. If you can, will you talk with them?"

This time, she nods. You walk around to the other end of the bed and hold out your hand for her to take. She doesn't know what's going on but what harm would this do? She lifts her hand just enough for you to slip your hand underneath.

"Abby, I'd like to try to do a memory recall exercise with you to take you back to the park, if that's okay." She nods. "I need you to close your eyes." She does. "Yesterday afternoon, you rode your bicycle to the park. How did the sun feel on your skin? The breeze through your hair? Can you describe for me what you heard and the people that you saw?"

"It was warm... windy," she whispers. You allow her words to take you back to that day. The park was in full effect with a bunch of people enjoying the sun. There is a game of men playing football, kids swinging on the playground, dogs running around with each other, people on bikes, and others walking the trail. "There were guys playing football... Kids... I see free... Me seen fee me. Free knee."

Her speech is screwed up from whatever the Anthrax is doing to her, and she is panicking.

"It's alright, Abby. You just rest now," Linda says.

"Me mock fee key me free," she whimpers.

"Just rest, Abby. Thank you."

You, Spencer, and Linda leave her room to give the doctors an opportunity to work on Abby.

"What's causing her aphasia?"

"The poison is infecting the parietal lobe which impairs her speech. Some of the other patients displayed the same symptoms shortly before they died."

"There's nothing that is helping them? Nothing is working?" you ask.

"The only thing that's helping them right now is the morphine."

Emily and Derek reached the park in Maryland which has been closed for observation. Emily is against not telling the public about this, but she isn't in a position of authority to make that call. So, instead of telling people the truth, officials have told the public there is Methane buildup in the sewage system. Since they're oblivious as to what's going on, they believed it.

There is a certain spot in the park that has high levels of Anthrax where the unsub most likely released the attack. The wind spread the Anthrax around the park and hit everyone who was there. It's weird because you didn't think that a park would be a target for anything. Terrorists usually target symbols like the White House, Pentagon, and the World Trade Center. The park is nice but it's nothing like a symbol building.

It could be symbolic for the unsub like how Ted Kaczynski sent bombs to Berkley where he taught, to Michigan where he went to school, and to Chicago where he lived. The suspect who attacked with Anthrax in 2001 sent letters to two pro-choice senators whose politics he opposed. People like that can't help but attach a personal motive to the places they've targeted, so this park must mean something to the unsub.

In the last two hours alone, more people have come into the hospital seeking medical attention for being sick, and the panic and fear are getting to you. No one knows what's going on, and humans fear the unknown. You're trying hard not to let it get to you but for someone with your abilities, it's hard.

You wipe your eyes before the tears have a chance to fall, and Spencer takes you off to the side.

"Hey, it's going to be okay."

"Is it? How do you know?"

"I don't," he sighs. "I have hope that we're going to figure this out because we always do."

"I wish that'd give me comfort." You look around the hospital and see parents hugging their sick children and people comforting their loved ones. "Promise me you won't do something stupid."

"What?"

"We're the only ones that know what's going on. Please don't do anything stupid. This is your life. I can't bear the thought of losing you. Please be careful."

"Only if you promise to do the same."

"Sorry to interrupt, but this whole thing is baffling me. Seventeen out of twenty-five people are dead. This strain is duplicated every thirty to forty-five minutes. It's poisoning the lungs and causing massive hemorrhaging and organ failure."

"Whoever created this had to at some point go to the trouble of testing it. First, they start with rodents, then advance to larger mammals, and then they do a very small trial run with people. There's no way this was his first human test run."

"We would have heard about a previous anthrax attack," Linda says.

"Not if it presented itself as something else," you state. "Is there anything that happened recently that was kind of like what's happening now?"

"Yeah, actually."

She tells you what happened a couple of days ago and gives you files on the patients affected. Your phone rings and you and Spencer go into an empty hospital room to answer the phone. You place JJ on speakerphone.

"Hey, JJ."

"Hey, you have me, Hotch, and Rossi."

She sounds like she's been crying because she is so worried about her family. She can't tell them anything but she wants to so badly.

"JJ, are you okay?"

She doesn't comment.

"It turns out that two days ago, two people in two separate Baltimore ERs, and one person in a Philadelphia ER slipped into comas and died suddenly. The COD on all of them was meningitis. Doctors didn't test for Anthrax because the illnesses presented themselves as meningitis, but I think it can be caused by Anthrax."

"Did they show symptoms that we're seeing now like the lesions?"

"They wouldn't have if the bodily functions expired as quickly as they did."

"How quickly?"

"They were all dead within three hours of being admitted."

"Wait, the first patient died yesterday at ten in the morning."

"If they inhaled a higher concentration of the strain, it would cause a quicker death through organ failure without exterior physical symptoms."

"What are their names?"

Spencer looks through the files. You can feel JJ's sadness through the phone. You'd love nothing more than to tell Hannah about what's going on, but she's in New Jersey and likely won't be affected. Will and Henry live right in the danger zone.

"JJ, listen to me. I need you to breathe. Henry is going to be fine and so is Will. You're going to go home and see your family. You need to tell yourself this."

"Okay, their names are Gale Mercer who was thirty-one, Martha Finestein who was forty-eight, and Albert Franks who was fifty-two."

"Did they visit the same place on the day they were affected?"

"Gale made a credit card purchase at a bookstore owned by Albert."

"We'll send Morgan and Prentiss out there to investigate."

"Remember, JJ, breathe," you say before hanging up.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fan fic #spencer reid fan fiction #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fan fiction #criminal minds fan fic #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds angst #criminal minds series rewrite #series rewrite #cm season 4

[emilio-the-dumb-wrestler]

@fatisthenewshape is in charge !!

“Omg I can’t believe how boring his life is. I know he told me before that his life was nothing but I didn’t expect it to be this bad.” Finishing up the paper work from the most boring job ever I pushed my chair in. I wonder what he’s doing in Paris right now. Sure therapy wasn’t intentional but it happened somehow and now I knew I was in his American body. Right when I was about to walk out of the office I heard my email go off. I went back to check and it was yet again another down sizing. Me being good at this job of his wasn’t on the list hit it just meant his boring job was about to get more boring !!

I screamed looking at that computer. “I can’t take this shit anymore!” I slammed the door shut to the office and on the way home grabbed some beer. In the apartment that night I just stared at the glow of the tv. I was only on my first beer and I was already feeling sleepy. I didn’t want to be in this body anymore. This life was so boring !! It was so much more fun when we just talked about transfo….. I sat tight yo on the couch. Maybe this was a way to really live a transformation. Maybe this was the chance I had to really make a change. Pulling up his tumblr account i reread everything he posted. I didn’t realize how many different changes he had written about. But needless to say after couple hours I have decided on the changes I would make. Closed my computer I walked back to the living room and opened up another beer.

It was a couple months of my new ambitious beer drinking that I finally had a beer gut. He has written so many stories about having one that it was odd he didn’t actually have one. This was my first change I was going to make to him. And now here I am. Rubbing this big gut while I’m walking out of this office for the last time. It was now time for me to go onto the next phase of my plan. Destroying his education was right up his ally. He always talked about being dumb. And a dog. Well he needed a job that would fit that role.

I managed to get a job at a Construction site. The work was hard and labor intensive. I sweat all day and I smelled like crazy. But I kept drinking my beers and continuing on the path that I had set for him.

Making so much less made my next changes a little hard. One of the things he fantasized about clearly was tattoos and I wanted to make sure he had them. But the massive decrease in pay from the corporate world made it hard. I started asking some of my coworkers about the I tattoos and before I knew Indians out they was an artist and was offering to give me some at a discount

It was long before I was making daily visits to get as much ink as possible on his body. I was loving how fast his body was getting covered in tattoos. And the looks that people were giving. I was soon looking like a walking piece of graffitied skin. I began to do other things. Like adding gauges to hjs ears. One I had them completely obliterated to the point of now return I knew that his physical changes had to come to a close.

For the next part in his journey I decided to delve deeper into one of his stories tropes that he wrote about alot. Problem was that I wasn’t willing to do any of the work. I found myself on the dark web one night and with a couple thousand dollars and his social security number it wasn’t long before the stranger had logged into the federal system and began to add charge after charge to his record. Drugs, possession, firearms. He was making this man a low life thug criminal and now there was nothing he would be able to do about it. He would be able to find the chat rooms or anything to get this resolved. I even perfected his signature and sending a copy to the stranger online he used that to validate the claims of all the charges he was placing on this body. We even managed to invalidate his college degrees and even high school degree. Now he was a high school drop out who went down the path of being a hard criminal. It wasn’t long before his face was being seen all over tv. Armed and dangerous. I was now living the body of a wanted man just like in those stories he wrote. It was t long before the police came and aggressively arrested me. And I just smirked. Bring in prison was going to be the utmost change to his life that would be able to make. And from the sounds of it. With all the charges I had managed to get on his record, he was going to be here for several years. Especially after I admitted to everything for him.

[wheredoalltheducksgo]

How to (not, of course) still access z-library (kinda) safely.

complete and clear guide (that actually works) for desperate and bitter people.

Zlib has been taken down, devastating, many people are searching for alternatives, but we all know zlib specifically had the hugest amount of books + a very good and accessible interface.

I’ve seen many people suggesting to use tor, that is the best option to ACTUALLY get on the old zlib BUT!! don’t throw yourself over there if you’ve never used it. Come here babe ima boutta teach you smth.

For legal reasons, you should not use the browser or try to access the site wink wink.

Now, what is tor and why should you use it?

Tor is, simply enough, a browser, like firefox or chrome, except that it provides a bigger amount of protection. You can do anything there and almost never be discovered.

Is it safe?

Yes, but actualy no. It’s mostly safe, but nothing is garaunteed.

Is it legal?

No, not really. The usage of the browser isn’t itself that illegal, but tor is mostly known for illegal online activities linked to the dark web and you’re gonna do NONE of that or things that could get the authorities’ attention (or that are immoral, get help).

Now, measure the term and conditions and decide if it’s worth a try to get to your beloved books. If the answer’s yes,

Do the following:

1) dowload tor, this one’s easy enough, search for the browser, download it, you’ll have it on your pc.

2) check that you’re safe, get confident with the browser itself and the options, you’ll see the security levels and ALWAYS make sure tor is up to date, if not, update it. I also suggest to make sure to clear up the cookies section after any action, you’ll find this option in privacy, in the browsing section. (Also, try not to customize tor too much, it isn’t necessary, and it could make you stand out amongst users)

3) now we start, search up “zlibrary onion”, don’t click on the first link, if you do the site will be blocked, NEVER press “accept risk and continue”. What you should do instead, is click the link you’ll find in the square on the right, right beneath the zlib logo, THAT LINK ends in .onion, which means you are safe from being tracked.

4) wow! You’re on the site, good to be back right? But wait, the site won’t let you download books cause it says you’ve reached a limit, that never happened before. This is beacause the only way to download books now is to have an account, you can get the books sent on your email, or downloaded (we’ll talk about this furtherly)

5) you should never make an account using tor while using your normal email (a gmail or a lcloud one as an example) so you’re going to have to make another email (not cool, i know) i used PROTON.ME, it works like any email just much safer, not even the site is allowed to read your emails, it takes 3 mins to set up, it’s free and remember NOT TO USE names or passwords that could lead to you and your name.

6) now you can make the account, it will give you a link sent to the email you used, open it ONLY on tor.

7) you’ve got the account, search up the book and have it delivered to the email/download it.

(ABOUT THE DOWLOADS, do NOT open the file online, not even on tor, download it as a pdf BUT ONLY OPEN IT WHILE OFFLINE, the problem isn’t with downloading the file, but with opening it, especially pdf files, that do contain elements that can track you and your pc, which you really don’t want)

Now you have your book, and a proud feeling of accomplishment in being smarter than the feds, oh, also, absolutely don’t use this method. of course.

happy reading, don’t let them bitches stop the poetry.

P.S it’s harder to find the link now so here you go.

#z library #college students this one’s for you #z-library #books #piracy

[pretz3l-log1c]

Recently I saw a post explaining cats vocalize around humans as a way to social signal. That Humans do a lot of social signaling as well. That's why people talk about the weather or will grumble about the long wait in line to the person near them. Or why people will ask 'Hey, how's it going?' and just want a 'good. Thanks for asking. And you?'. It's all about recognizing you're part of a group.

Then I saw, and reblogged a post, explaining that compared to most marketing stats, fanfiction is exceptionally above engagment averages at even 10% kudos per hits.

Yet, fanfic writers often feel as if they're screaming into a void and that engagement is down/dwindling/dying/etc.

So now I'm wondering if these two things are connected.

I think the problem fanfic writers are currently facing is a matter of community. In a way participating in fandom by writing fanfic is a way of social signalling. It is a way for the writer to go "I like this thing, don't you like this thing too?"

It's like the writer is calling out hello only for 90 out of 100 people to blankly stare at them. 10 out of 100 will wave hello. Only a few out of 100 will actually say something back.

Is it any wonder writers feel like they're screaming into a void? At least when you scream into a void you don't know how many people heard you, you just hear who screams back. It has to hurt mentally to put your heart out there and feel like it's being ignored.

I think about how forums of the early internet age have largely died off. How Tumblr engagement has ebbed over the years. How fanfiction has become some people's main means of engaging in fandom because it's 'free'.*

So I genuinely think the problem here is fanfic writers want community and are trying to gain that through fanfic. And they feel largely ignored/abandoned/snubbed because they're not recieving that engagement.

So my advice to writers:

turn off/hide/ignore your fanfic stats. If email alerts for kudos and/or comments spark joy then keep them. Otherwise turn those off as well.

create and/or join fandom focused discords. Find people you connect with and build a community that way.

put an author's note on your works that you like to engage with readers. That you want their thoughts, feelings opinions, etc. on your writing. Provide links for people to to chat you up on whatever social media site you prefer.

My advice to readers:

if you're going to talk to fandom friends about a fic you read, maybe leave a comment as simple as 'I love this and I'm going to share it with everyone I know.'

if you find a fic you regularly re-read or an author you loyally follow, let the author know that.

if a fic had a huge impact on you, let the writer know that.

Readers please note: I am not saying leave kudos more often, I am not saying comment on every fic. I am saying, in short, if it moves you then let the author know you were moved.

* yes I know fanworks are a labor of love/hobby and not actually free for the creator at least in time/effort. I write fanfic. I'm just saying it doesn't typically cost money to consume.

#pretzel rambles #writing #fanfiction #fanart #I do make an effort to leave comments on RB art for example #anything from 'oh the color scheeme so pretty' to 'a short fanfic drabble #i don't always succeed #and I think that's ok because ai am still RBing the art so other may see it #and maybe someone else will have the spoons to comment #I think we talk a lot about the spoon theory here on tumblr #so I think it's important to think reading fanfic cost 1 spoon but engaging with it cost 2 and most people don't have a 2nd spoon to spare #i think we need to kinder to ourselves about our expectations for how 'successful' a fanfic is #also kinder to readers and our expectations of them

[thevernofficial]

Contacting your Rep 101

Hello my dear people!

I was chatting with one of my friends recently and we were chatting about contacting a representatives office because she didn't know who to call or what to say.

So (for the Americans) here is some advice from me:

(Disclaimer while I work in politics I do not represent the beliefs of the people I work for) (also every office is a little different)

Finding your Rep

Okay, here is the thing. We can only technically take opinions from Residents of our state. So its important that you find YOUR state representatives.

Find some by zip code here:

Generally your specific state will also have a website with state and federal representatives.

2. Call vs Email

So, many places will have email options rather than call. I will let you know at least for my office calls or voicemails are kept track of more often. We have a team of people on the phone lines.

I don't know if this is the case in other offices. But in general (if your comfortable with talking with someone for 2 minutes) calling is better than emailing. On those contact my rep info sites they also have the main phone lines for your representative.

3. What do you say?

I have a bit of a script here for those who have never called or are nervous about talking with an intern on a phone line.

Intern: (THE POLITICIAN) office how can I help you?

You: Hello my name is __________ I am a constituent of (THE POLITICIAN) and a resident of (YOUR STATE). I am calling today about (YOUR OPINION HERE). My phone/email is ______________.

Intern: Thank you for your voice and opinions. I want to assure you (Script that has been given to the interns). Is there anything else I can help you with today?

You: Yes/No. (If yes state more opinions and cycle repeats).

Intern: Have a lovely day then!

I have to say how IMPORTANT it is to say your name. In our office logs we take down all the names to send to our boss to know that there are different people calling in their opinions.

4. How many times?

In general we tend to notice if the same number has popped up more than 3 times in a day. Then we can't log it as a new opinion anymore. But if you call once a day, we record a new log for politicians everyday so you can get your name on the daily list again.

5. Does this even matter?

YES. I cannot stress enough. YES

CALL YOUR REPRESENTATIVES!

It's our civic duty to do so. But it also gives staffers of politicians reasons to lean one way or the other (regardless of what you call in about). Every call helps.

We take down the names every day and we listen to all the stories that are sent in. Trust that someone WILL listen to what you have to say and it will be written down and sent to the politicians. That is literally our job.

6. Phone Etiquette

Politics are emotional. These times are emotional. If you need to cry, do it. If you need to cry while on the phone with an Intern, do it. If you need to break away from the script and talk about everyday stories, do it. This is your call. The intern won't judge you for crying on the phone. If you want to shout or express your anger, maybe don't shout at the intern but you can express anger.

But please be nice to the people on the phone. They've had to listen to hundreds or thousands of people in these emotional times. And we're happy to do so. This is why we do this job.

But we're still human. So saying an occasional thank you, might not help your opinion, it does help the person on the other end of the line.

That's all I can think of right now. I hope this helps...for someone at least.

#politics #house of representatives #palestine #israel #advice #social justice

[cloveroctobers]

FEBRUARY FLUFF — CHICAGO FIRE.

A/N: do people still read for this show? Not what I originally planned for my final piece for my feb. fluffs but when you binge watch reality tv (Love is Blind) you can’t help but to redirect some place else right? Rip to that Kelly piece!!! Also this allows me to be all descriptive with a synopsis intertwined! + I’m only at the beginning of season 5 of Chicago Fire so I know I have a long way to go although I know some spoilers here and there…

In short: Chicago Fire meets Love is Blind.

S/N: this is lengthy!! So if you have the time to read this and interact, thank you! Also I apologize for joe’s being the shortest of the bunch—at least I think it is since there’s not nearly enough content of him up here. I didn’t want to hit the mark with writing this which I’ve surprisingly only done once on this site. I wanted to do hermann as a potential older contestant? Don’t know if that’s the right term but again didn’t want to over do it so maybe another time! Enjoy 😬

ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ.

[MATT CASEY.]

He originally had no interest signing up for this show despite some producers reaching out to him via emails + phone calls and kinda harassing him in person about it! but after careful thought and consideration, he went through with it. He’s not really into people giving their opinions about how he operates so being viewed by the world was another weird feeling regardless of his politician era!

Matt decides to be open after meeting some of the guys who share their perspectives and seeing some familiar faces that he didn’t expect to also be here.

He’s not really nervous, deciding to just go with the flow and actually takes it serious despite talking through a wall.

Matt Casey is a man who is willing and ready to settle down and that’s his goal. He’s not sure if this place or set up will bring that but he knows he has nothing to lose.

Most of his dates go well, they’re honest, driven—for the most part and somewhat humorous and he’s able to quickly narrow it down to picking you.

He’s as sure about you as you are with him. Conversations feel comfortable for Matt, your voice quickly putting him at ease although you joke that you’ll probably sound like shit once you look back on the footage. And he gives you butterflies whenever he says your name in greeting.

You’re the only ones choosing to continue going on dates with each other immediately and nobody else. They say when you know you just know right?

Matt shares his dating history but it doesn’t scare you away like he almost began to worry about. You share your history as well and nothing the both of you say in the pods is alarming for each other… besides the fact that he’s a firefighter.

Sure it’s an admirable profession and you assume he’s in good health but it also scares you a bit at the fact that you could be a widow one day because of his job.

Politics is unfortunately brought up too but you both don’t dive too much into it thankfully. You both know where you stand and he tells you that his time as a politician was a mess and not really his lane which you don’t doubt. NEVER would have guessed it tbh.

Conversations are always meaningful and you both don’t hesitate to share your values and future goals with each other.

You’re open and there’s no secrets: including family.

He’s the first to propose out of the men and you’re in tears since you wanted this for a long time. You say yes and are a bundle of nerves the rest of the night until you’re face to face.

The attraction is just as strong as it is in the pods and as for the appearance you only assumed he was a dark blonde—that’s about it.

Matt can’t stop staring at you and you have to remind him that he has to propose in person, which makes him blink harshly with a shake of his head, laughing to himself, patting his pockets until he finds the box.

It’s a halo teal sapphire oval engagement ring and it’s perfect.

You can’t help but to initiate the kiss and Matt wipes the faux sweat off his forehead after, happy that you took the initiative before gaining confidence to go forth with the next kiss. You note that he likes to hold the space of your back (a lot) while staring into your eyes along with you locking your arms around his shoulders.

The giddy feeling is mutual when you get back to the headquarters, sharing the deets to your temporary roommates/cast mates turned friends.

The pre honeymoon phase lets you physically be in tune with each other. You take note of each others routine. Matt is the early riser but you have to remind him that he’s on vacation and can stay in bed longer with you although it’s always instilled in him to be up early.

He likes sleeping with limbs tangled and being the big spoon, hand in the valley of your chest which you hold just underneath your chin while you sleep. He’s always on coffee and breakfast duty since you may sleep later but not too late.

He won’t make the bed if you’re the last one out of it but if you’re in the shower (badly singing) that’s not stopping him from plopping right back on it hands folded behind his head and ready to doze back off.

You catch him but he says, “what? I was just resting my eyes,” such a dad answer already! you both give each other a blank stare before he snorts first, making you laugh right with him before pecking his lips.

He’ll color coordinate with you but can’t say it’ll be a common thing unless you’re going to events together or it happens on accident.

He checks in on you whether in the hotel room when it gets quiet or when you go down to meet everyone else before falling into separate conversations.

I don’t believe there would be any doubts between you two if you share similar goals and ofc not all things can be peachy!!!although everyone stamps their approval on your relationship. Not that either of you cared much tbh but you appreciate it regardless!

It’s when you ask about who’s the first person he’ll call to tell about your engagement that takes a bit of a turn. He doesn’t say it’s his mom but probably his niece who will obviously do the job of telling his sister which you kinda find cute but encourage him that talking to his mother and sister is important if you’re going to be in his life.

You’re aware of the disconnect that Matt has with his family but if you have kids you’d want your kids to know their father’s side of the family as well.

“What’s there to know? I already told you everything.”

“Matt.”

“…I’ll figure it out. Right now I just want to enjoy my person to be.”

“Nice save.”

“Right?” He winks, pulling you on top of him.

You don’t wait until your wedding night to have sex—unless you’re a traditional person then by all means he’ll respect your wishes although you make it very difficult and you know it. That doesn’t mean you can’t do other things!

He does end up calling his sister first and she thinks it’s a joke before Matt’s showing your face on screen. The casey’s are usually direct people but she’s polite in greeting you and can’t help to let out a few wtf’s and, “are you on something? Maybe politics rotted your brain with you deciding to go be involved in a cult?” when the screen is brought back to Matt.

You’re laughing at the look on Matt’s face because you’re sure you’ll get the same reaction from your family.

Diving back into what a regular lifestyle would be with Matt is an adjustment. He’s gone a lot as a lieutenant and you manage to see each other in the early mornings and late evenings. You’ll have your own job so you try not to let it bother you too much but coming home to a empty house allows you to debrief from a stressful day (which you don’t handle well, maybe you’re a crier when you get easily frustrated) but you still check in with a call or text to see how it’s going with your fiancé.

You agree to have date nights at least twice a month since having dinner together is tricky. Matt forgets sometimes :( but always makes up for it!

Matt’s great with his hands whether with construction (he’ll always fix something in the house or anything you purchase that arrives broken!) , firefighting, golf (which you find to be a complete snooze fest but you’ll tag along if Matt’s alone just to whip the golf cart around the course mainly but Matt’s fails to take your father/uncle/brother’s advice about letting you drive—earning you to get banned from the course. The owners are quite fond of Matt and didn’t have the heart to ban him but you? Had to stay out!) or let’s just say it, sex! Loves holding your hips to guide you just right, wrists above your head, or simply just holding your hands while he’s on top.

He learns you’re not the best driver—being heavy on the pedal (a few unpaid speeding tickets under your belt, just two or three tops!) but at least you excel at gymnastics and tennis?

I don’t see there being any or much drama with any other cast mates since you know how to solely focus on each other and communicate even if it’s something simple/minor.

Eventually Mrs. Casey will come around to meet you and you see where Matt gets his intense eye contact from. It runs in the family since you also got it from his sister but you handle it well. She has no issue drilling you to the point Matt has to tell his mom to back off since she doesn’t get the best mother of the year award.

See…there’s that bluntness you have to take in and hope you don’t get whiplash. You have to remind Matt to relax himself since he did say that he forgave his mother but sometimes the harshness still came out from all of them.

Picking your dress is what makes this more real for you, more than the ring and you know this is fast. The fastest you’ve ever gone in a relationship but when you think of marriage you think of someone like Matt so any worries you may feel seem to wash away—not completely but enough!

And they come right on back walking down the aisle, all eyes on you. Matt is so handsome, waiting at the end for you, carefully taking your hand in his and whispering how stunning you look.

When it comes to the vows is when Matt gets nervous that he refers back to his cheat sheet and you find that adorable along with him getting choked up at some parts telling you his promises. “…You have no idea how long I’ve dreamed of this moment, getting the chance to be someone’s forever. Being beside you for the rest of time is all that I could have hoped for. You’re my walking dream and I can’t believe I had to go on tv just to find someone like you! Guess this worked out in our favor and I promise to love you and those other crappy shows you force me to watch for as long as I can. Which will be a long looooong time, by the way.”

There he goes making those butterflies flutter in your belly while also making you smile so wide that he can’t help but to match.

You go next and the words flow as you stare into his eyes, holding his stare while placing one hand on his chest. Your words are just as loving and Matt knows you’re genuine, you never not once shown him that you weren’t.

You both agree to get married with a dip of a kiss, a promise of love to infinity and that love is blind.

BONUS: definitely love slow dancing together and hand holding a lot + hand kisses, a honeymoon doesn’t happen right away—maybe a year later in Australia ;), you both purchase a house together after two years—a fixer upper 😒 that Matt has to convince you to get but it is the house style you’ve always wanted plus you were great at bargaining so you got it cheaper than the asking price, you’ll adopt a dog after six months of marriage since you babysat pouch one weekend and truly believed it was your destiny to be a dog parent first—no you didn’t discuss it with Matt deciding just to surprise him one day at home—you can only imagine how that went, and I get girl dad from Matt so I envision two girls + a boy…which was unexpected since you weren’t really trying the last time but argue amongst yourselves!

[BRIAN “OTIS” ZVONECEK.]

My baby! I want nothing but the best for you!!! Shut up, Don’t ruin it guys.

He’s down for the show and is the one to reach out to the producers after joe brings it to otis’ attention. He signs them BOTH up and joe is confused on why?? But Otis claims he won’t do this on his own and would never ask his actual brothers to do this with him because they’ll give him shit for it and knows joe would truly have his back. Joe gets soft hearted at this tbh and would never argue against that and they both surprisingly get picked!

Otis is excited but nervous all in one. Could his forever significant other truly be here in this building? Otis just really wanted somebody to love s/o JB! and for them to actually love him back. Why was that so much to ask for?

He feels like he screws up majority of his dates and expresses this to joe and the other guys they make friends with. They’re encouraging, pushing Otis to keep going although he’s honestly ready to go home but the last date makes him glad he stuck it out.

He meets someone who is just a little bit nerdy like him but he still takes the cake. He’s into sci fi while you’re into fantasy but you find a bond in that. You also inform him that you have terrible eyesight with grandmacore glasses and dryly blame it on your actual blind mother. She wasn’t born blind but a tragic accident left her that way. It takes a minute for Otis to catch onto your dry humor but finds he likes it.

Which leads to him asking about your profession guessing a comedian but you snort and say you’re actually an assistant writer/artist for a well known graphic novel company. Otis doesn’t need to hear anymore, half heartedly joking about marrying you right now!

You don’t call him by his nickname at all which Brian appreciates. Quickly learning about his last name and culture you test it out with your own name giving your first and middle name and Brian agrees that he likes the sound of it already.

Big note taker out of the two of you! He doesn’t want to forget anything while you tend to have a great memory with shitty eyes. You can actually blame it on too many nights growing up playing video games on the computer.

He makes it known that his Russian isn’t the best but he gets by and even teaches you a few words and sentences that it becomes a thing in greeting.

The gift giving to each other is so sweet as you have a sip and paint date, Brian gifts you a Zhostovo tray that has lots of detail that you appreciate since you once had a hand painted serving tray that belonged to your late grandfather, which broke recently while you took care of your mostly bed ridden mother.

He also lets you borrow his famous helmet and fills it full of wild flowers + peonies and you’re laughing about it joking, “I’ll have to wear this when we meet.”

“Would you, really?” “As long as you promise to help fix my hair afterwards.”

He didn’t expect you to do that but he’s in for a shock.

Part of him begins to worry the quicker he falls for you, wondering if you’re dating other people + even asks the other guys because one thing about Brian? He’s gonna search for the tea and get answers no matter who likes it or not! and you do speak on it before he brings it up that there’s one other person you’re talking to but it seems one sided, meaning they’re more into you than you of them and that you recently just broke it off which allows Brian to let out a big sigh of relief.

From hobbies to having heart to hearts, Brian is ready to make his final decision and wants to pick you if you’ll have him. You like to make him sweat just a little bit, taking your time answering and finally let up with a, “hell yeah zvonecek, thought you’d never ask!”

“Yeah well I was starting to regret asking since you took forever and a day!” “I was building suspense.” “And here I thought you were into fantasy!” You laugh and speak your farewells soon after, ready to meet each other the next day.

The led up to the big reveal is nerve wrecking but when those doors open the both of you are wide eyed although you have your back to the doors with the helmet on. Brian runs to you and you have to remind yourself to move your feet, spinning around as you meet him past the middle.

He shakes his head at you smiling at the fact that you actually did this, and surprised that those printed large framed glasses were able to fit under it too, gently pulling the helmet from your head to place on the floor so that he can also get a good look at you. Hair a mess and all!

“Look at my husband!” You grin after he slams his body into yours in a tight embrace.

He’s a shaky mess but you don’t mind holding him upright, holding his face in place as you study every inch. “I thought your spirit was beautiful before but you even have the face to match.” He’s rolling his eyes at you but he can’t help but to let a smile slip out himself. You’re making his heart thud like crazy and he says he needs to sit before he actually collapses.

“Wow, is this real life?” Brian finds himself asking multiple times as he rests a hand on your thigh and you nod and kiss him to show him it’s the real deal.

“Me and you baby,” becomes your thing and he has to keep chasing your lips because he can’t get enough of them.

You caress his face a lot and he remembers that physical touch is your love language. You didn’t lie about that! But he enjoys your touch and you playing with his facial hair that he left out. He gave nothing about his appearance away and you were okay with that. You were pretty patient and liked the element of surprise! You’ve always been creative so you tried to picture it all and even drew some ideas in your sketchbook.

“Oh right! The ring! This is crazy, I’m sorry.” Brian has to pry his eyes away from you as he searched his pockets and realizes that he either forgot it or dropped it somewhere.

Which you help him look for just for it to be in his back pants pocket, you had to be the one to pull it out with him bending over searching a potted plant. “Hey! We didn’t even have a date face to face yet and you’re already grabbing my ass?”

“It’s our ass now, genius. And I’ve found it, you’re welcome.” You hold it up in between you and Brian rubs his face in embarrassment but you’re smirking at him.

He’s down on his knee and imagines this is how it would probably always be with you. He’s down bad for you already, hands shaking again as he reveals a goregous ring. It’s a modern take on a three princess-cut grown diamonds. They are encircled by a halo of baguette and round accents and from its side it appears as floating diamonds which is breath taking.

“My man has fabulous taste!”

He exhales relieved, “You like it?”

“ Shut up and kiss me.” You demand and Brian doesn’t hesitate. Here’s a little secret, you can’t get enough of his lips either.

When it’s time for the pre-honeymoon, you don’t keep your hands off each other. If you want to wait until marriage, he will. If you don’t? It’s fair game. He eats well ;) he’s passionate and attentive, you can be a little on a rough side—don’t let the grandma glasses fool you but you always have a safe word and have Brian tell you what he wants and what’s too much if you push the envelope too far. Words of affirmation in bed definitely sets him off and you love it just as much. You love to take care of each other.

He doesn’t understand how active you can be before and still have the energy to be up at the crack of ass ready to prepare breakfast and eat. You are a bit of a routine person but if it has to be altered it doesn’t bother you much. You don’t take yourself too seriously which brian likes.

You will force him to do mediation with you on the mornings of your pre-honeymoon and affirmations to say in the mirror—which is weird at first but once he gets the hang of it and believes it you leave him alone to do it on his own. You open him up to new things and just to be himself. And he opens you up to be more in tune to your own feelings and not just everyone else’s.

Meeting Joe is just what Brian wanted and you reveal you and Joe went on one date together in the pods but he wasn’t the one who had more interest in you it was another guy. And Brian is a scoffing mess once he sees him again, “that walking protein shake? Really?!” Whaaat? I friendzoned him didn’t I? I only want you, Kartoshka.” You peck his cheek and nip his ear, leaving him a blushing mess and joe is wide eyed in disgust. “What did they just call you? Get a grip man.” “Shut up, joe.”

There could be a little drama with the meathead who is in disbelief that you would pick Brian over him and tries to show off despite being with the person he picked to marry. But it’s obvious he’s not attracted to them and is belittling to them. You set them straight in front of everybody and thankfully the girl calls it quits with him.

Brian finds it hot that you’ll stand ten toes down for him just like he will for you. And that stamps more approval from joe that you’ll make it as a couple, gaining a big hug from him which you return.

When you return home, his baba is already there and he comes clean since he actually wanted to wait until you were both settled that he’ll start reaching out to some family although you already made calls to your besties as soon as you got off the flight. Brian felt pride at the thought of someone being excited to tell their loved ones about him.

He felt incredibly lucky to be loved by you and hoped you felt the same so he didn’t B.S. to his baba about you. You didn’t understand much of their conversation but the woman yanked you into her arms. Your eyes went wide at her strength but a thumbs up from Brian over her shoulder meant all was okay.

Brian talked highly of his baba so ofc you wanted to make a great impression more with her than anything. She was the one who always believed in brian while he experienced tough love from his mom and big brothers so you couldn’t lie and say that her opinion mattered less when it mattered the most!

You were both nervous meeting each others family and friends, although you found comfort in joe and his fiancée already being friendly with them but the both of you were relived once it was all over.

It was mainly 50/50 on both sides who were in shock that this was happening and had more concerns than questions—which was the same thing in both of your eyes when each side stated this but you both understood that your loved ones had the right to be skeptical.

You were positive that Brian’s mother didn’t care for you or really approve, his brother’s attitudes felt condescending but they said they would be there whether to support or to see this fail was their own business but at the end of dinner they seemed to ease up some leaving the hounding to be done by their mother instead.

Your mother on the other hand was a simple woman. She felt along Brian’s face and smiled saying to you, “he gets points for being a cutie. If you love his heart and he’s good to you, then I’ll be more than happy to call him my son in law.”

Which definitely lifted your spirits!

A home routine for the both of you wasn’t traditional considering that Brian had joe for a roommate and his fiancée decided to move in with them and baba was in town again. Brian had a bunk bed with one twin sized on top and then a full on the bottom so there was that! He planned to get rid of it, worried that you were judging him but you just threw your hands up in the air silently saying you were keeping your thoughts to yourself.

You alternated spending weekends with each other. You lived on the outskirts of town where the historical houses were, inheriting an old Victorian from your late artist of a grandfather where you resided with your sickly mother. You had a caretaker who became family so you didn’t have to feel guilty when you would spend weekends at Brian’s.

He loved chatting with your mom when it was his turn to stay at yours. There was wittiness behind that shell of quietness and she loved having tea tasting with Brian in the garden.

He’s a talker so any time he isn’t talking would be when he’s pissed, when he’s sleeping, or when he’s deep into a book trying to process everything before he’s yelling at the pages.

The both of you like lounging on the couch, feet in his lap while he’s into a novel and you’re sketching.

Pillowtalk is absolutely a thing in this soon to be marriage! Early mornings are a common thing for Brian so he sets his alarm just ten minutes before he has to be up for work to talk to you about the most randomness things because he likes picking your brain.

You get familiar with firehouse 51, meeting Brian’s chosen family and even bringing your mother along just to say hi and always sensing when Brian just needs to see you or hear your voice + hanging with your mom is always a plus. She’s a pretty cool lady too!

And baba also likes her!

Brian would be the type to want to know what kind of dress you’re going for so he can create mental images himself but you won’t budge! He even peeks through one of your random sketches to see if you drew about it or have a vision board buried somewhere to give him an idea. He’s not patient when it comes to the wedding and can’t wait to marry you.

He’s never been so secure in his life!

He’s a sweating mess on the day of the wedding and goes into a dry heave but he’s thankful that his family is there to bring him through it. It means a lot to have everyone there, even his actual brothers!

You on the other hand? Like to dance your worries away tbfh. When you’re nervous you like to throw darts or break out into a mini dance routine that starts off with a moonwalk every damn time—which Brian caught once or twice. “What the hell was that and why have I never known you could move like that?!”

Long story short your alcoholic deadbeat dad was a tap dancer and even started you out at the age of 3. You picked up things pretty damn fast but found you were more passionate with other forms of art although dance was obviously still there.

And your mother was an ice skater before her accident brought on other health issues, so yeah you could move on your feet which was another thing Brian could add to the list of things he loved about you.

So you may have broke out into a routine in your dressing headquarters once you were alone in spanx before getting into your wedding dress. Then? You were good to go.

Brian was glad that you didn’t spare any details about your attire besides the fact that you were wearing a dress. Vintage was kind of your thing and you took your mother’s dress that she brought from goodwill years ago transforming it into just what you sketched. That’s right, sketched with the help of your designer best friend.

“I’m speechless babe,” Brian breathed as he scanned over the details of you in front of him, “I don’t know how you expect me to give my vows when you look like that.”

You smile sweetly at him, head titling to the side, “just wait until you get me out of it.” Winking at him.

He puts his head down, rubbing at his brow, face pink and warns you through clenched teeth, “remember we’re in church, in front of a priest…” which earns laughter from everyone.

You give your vows first because you surprisingly can’t wait to claim your love to Brian and you seem so at ease speaking about him while he’s melting from the lights and nerves! It’s natural for you and maybe it has to do with you being a writer but he wants to hold onto every word that you say for a lifetime.

When it’s his turn he’s a stuttering mess and the comforting squeeze from joe and the caress of your fingers underneath his chin makes him stand up tall. “…I never thought that I would ever find a love like this before. A curveball that knocks you off your feet but you find that you’re okay because it’s the most loving yet dorky person behind it that sends it your way. I am so grateful that you chose me to spend forever with and I hope that—wait—and I know that I can be just the right guy for you. I am so ready to do everything and more with you, including getting old and saggy together. I’ll even give you first dibs on plucking my first strand of gray hair out but I know you probably won’t because you’re so ready for change and seeing what the world has to offer. And I’m ready to offer you love, devotion, and a huge chunk of that world. I’ll always look foreword to saying I do with you right beside me.”

You’re kissing him before the priest gives the final say, which you suddenly remember pulling away and laughing, “sorry, we’re supposed to wait for you to tell us to do that. But I couldn’t resist, this is my forever person! So hurry up and get on with it so we can go round two.”

“Forgive them…and they say I’m the impatient one.” Brian jokes while the priest is shaking their head at you two before moving on with the ceremony and the both of you are a smiling mess, forehead to forehead, excited to put your lips to good use again with the answer of: love being blind.

BONUS: honeymooning in the states was okay with the both of you. You had time to see the rest of the world and Brian was a bit indecisive about where to go so you both closed one eye and threw a dart each at the map landing on Massachusetts of all places! Another round later and your destination was Salem. The both of you brought back weird but cool trinkets to decorate at a later date once you found a reasonably priced home. It takes time and Brian is more than willing to move elsewhere from joe and his vocal fiancée! If you get what I’m saying! He was fine with them keeping the apartment 100% while he was ready to build more life with you. He wanted your mom to move in with you two but there was no chance in hell that she was leaving the Victorian behind…so visits were a common thing at your remodeled (Brian was sick of old houses that didn’t feel updated so he was ecstatic finding this updated listing!) typical Chicago style four bedroom home that was built in 1883, Brian did his podcasts a lot in the cozy large basement and you even joined in sometimes since he always deemed you as his number one fav guest!

halloween? The both of you went off with the costumes with you on makeup duty (that Brian hated sitting hours for because his ass ached okay but always loved the end results and the decor), you’ll go to conventions together since you had the hook up thanks to your job, you’ll help out at Molly’s when they’re swarmed with customers—although you weren’t a drinker but knew how to make a mean firestarter, you’re both cat people until Brian ends up allergic and the hairless cats creep him out so the idea of having pets kinda went out the window, and I also picture him with a kid or two but he’s heavily nervous based on hereditary facts + being a good dad but you both don’t have to have it all figured out yet being worried is enough evidence that he will be 🥹

[KELLY SEVERIDE.]

Listen���Kelly didn’t want to be the guy that did this just to meet more women or anything like that but he thought it would be fun and had time off that he needed to take so why the hell not?

He didn’t expect to be around these many guys and their egos, including his own but here he was!

Casual dating was right up his alley so that’s how he kept it at the start. He knew at some part of his life he may want to settle down but he never had a grand example of what that would look like honestly.

Which is why he wouldn’t be so screwed up if things didn’t work out here…so he hoped.

He wasn’t heartless like some may believe!

Majority of the dates seem to go by fast but he knows how to keep conversations going so it only makes sense along with his imagination going wild trying to picture each person he’s talking to although it really shouldn’t matter but it does to a certain point for him…

One voice in particular sounds familiar and part of him feels like he can’t shake it but he continues talking to her although she seems to skip around some of her background.

However Kelly isn’t all that interested in family backgrounds but feels like talking about anything else like: what do the weekends look like for you? Tell me about your first crush. Most spontaneous place you had sex or made out at. Are you a beach or mountain person? Corny things like that.

He’s made the mistake of mentioning his position as a firefighter and immediately picked up on the tone of those that found more interest in that than anything else he had to say…which got old fast and made him start mentally crossing them off.

He kept talking to the familiar voice and then there was you, the complete opposite to everything he spoke of. When he asked you these questions and you brought up that you already knew that he was a firefighter since the others wouldn’t shut up about it and that you weren’t interested in sliding down his pole made him choke on his beverage in laughter.

“What if I told you that I grow cannabis for a living?” “I’d say…how’s that working out for you?” “Then I’d say idk because my phony friend took over and although it’s supposed to be recreational I really can’t get past the smell so whatever! I’m actually a forensic analyst and we can move on past the basics.” “Well…if it makes you feel better, I smoke cigars.” “It doesn’t.” Kelly laughs with a shrug, “okay then.”

You’re surprised that Kelly wants to go on another date after your first encounter and you very honest about it. “Give yourself some credit. I see something in you that can be worth it.” Kelly doesn’t hold back. “Oh please. What’re you really here for?” “What do you mean?” “Why’d you come on the show for? solely entertainment? “i came here because I was told I don’t get out enough.” “Is there some truth to that?” “When you work as hard as do, yes. You know how it is.” “Sure I do but I also know how to have the right balance.” “I can smell the Vegas on you.”

You keep Kelly laughing and find it odd that you have him somewhat figured out and he’s still trying to get a read on you.

Sooner than later you open up to him—which isn’t something that you do really but it’s something about talking with Kelly that feels different than with all the others. You didn’t pay much attention to the other girls who felt a way about you and the other girl that still got to go on dates with Kelly. It really wasn’t that big of a deal and you didn’t see the point in having envy towards anything. Things that are meant to be will be don’t they say?

The next time you meet the both of you talk about any and everything and it doesn’t feel forced. Just a natural convo between two strangers trying to figure out if they could be each others one. “Hey, are we friends now?” Kelly asks after he ends up telling you about his old friend Shay. You sigh and dramatically say, “if you say so but you can’t tell anyone.” “You are brutal,” he’s laughing again wiping the corners of his eyes, “thanks for letting me talk. I haven’t spoken about her in awhile.” “Ah don’t mention it. Most people say my shoulder is comfy which I don’t understand since they’re broad thanks to many years of being on the swim team.” “Oh shit okay! Were you any good?” “I had no choice but to be. Didn’t know how to swim so my dad made me learn to become a swimmer…which is why I said I’m more of a mountain person rather than a beach or whatever you enjoy doing more. A lake! That’s right, you’re a lake guy.”

Then there’s the subject about fathers and that’s a lengthy one! You didn’t intend to get so personal but it seemed like this Kelly guy brought it out of you—considering you’re friends now or whatever. You only tell each other one thing physically about each other but it’s only because you both let it slip. You’re aware he’s got blue eyes and he’s aware that you have a sleeve tattoo with one of them being a moose.

“Why a moose?” “Why blue eyes?” Kelly rolls his eyes, “stop being annoying.” “Fine. It’s my favorite animal and I’ve got two but the big one, that moose is in a tux smoking a pipe.” “…I can’t even picture that but I love it if you like it.” “Well maybe one day you’ll get to see it.”

Which makes Kelly raise his brows. He wasn’t expecting that but he recovers fast before that date ends shortly after. And he has no problem sharing this info with the guys he’s closest to back at the headquarters.

He becomes conflicted when he has another date before he learns it’s Brittany who’s been using her middle name instead of her first. Now he’s irritated because he felt like she should have just been honest from the jump and not play around.

Brittany’s apologetic and Kelly can’t help but to ask how she’s been and how things were resolved with her family. She says they’re in family therapy now but she moved out to Thomasville, GA. She can’t lie and say that she’s not curious about how things are going with you and Kelly but she makes it clear to Kelly that you don’t share much of what goes on in your dates + felt like your attitude sucks.

“Why? Because she told you to probably mind your business?” Kelly asks.

Kelly doesn’t like how it seems like Brittany begins to speculate or almost bad mouth you since she doesn’t know you like he does. She can sense this may go left so she tries to clean it up saying that you’re not as open as everyone else but atp Kelly doesn’t care about the info given and she also says that you’re nowhere near ready to be married to him.

He ends the date early and lets the producers have it but the producers warn him and Brittany not to say anything else about the matter to anyone. Kelly doesn’t owe them shit, telling you exactly that Brittany is his ex wife from an impulse marriage in Vegas and he hasn’t seen her in years or knew she would even be here.

You’re listening, not saying much and Kelly feels his heart rate spike thinking that you’ve left but you’re laughing now. “It all makes sense on why she was being so nosy. I think she’s curious about a round two with you.”

“Nah, not gonna happen.” “She didn’t know you would be here either.” “I told her my name first and she lied using her middle name instead. So she had to connect the dots at some point.” “You’re right but you felt something before and recently to keep pursuing her so you can’t just brush it off now since she and the producers lied.” “…why does it feel like you’re trying to push me out?” “I’m not.” “Yes you are!” “Kelly…I’m just saying I’m not here to deprive you of anything. Her being brought back into your life again might mean something.” “Like what?” He snaps, “that I go back to old habits?” You’re not sure what that means but you shrug, “I don’t know but you’re both here and you should figure it out.” “Is there someone else?” You pause because you weren’t expecting that, “no, Kelly. There’s not. It’s just you. I’ll talk to you later.”

He’s upset about this but he’s got a few more days to get it together. He really slows down and talks to Brittany most of the time before his final date with you then he has to make his big decision. It’s somewhat tense between you two and quiet but you don’t ask any questions about Brittany because why would you want to spend your time talking about another woman?

Once you get past that tension and you’re both bringing laughter out of each other, Kelly knows you’re the person he wants to talk to the most at the end of the day and he knows the decision he’ll be making tomorrow.

When he proposes the next day it’s along the lines of, “I know what this feeling is and i know I’d be a complete dumbass if I let you slip away. You’re exactly what I need to get through just a day so I can only imagine what life would be like with you in it all the time. Will you marry me?”

And when you’re face to face, the both of you have shit eating grins on your faces and can’t help but to laugh. “We’re doing this huh?” “Only if you want to.” He bumps your shoulder as you sit beside each other, knees touching and him running his fingertips over the ink on your arm.

“I think I have to see what I’m working with first.” “Meaning what?” “Plant one on me, duh.” “Oh! Is that what you want?” He’s teasing. “I mean…a big part of how you kiss me is on the list: if I should spend until the end of time with you.” “Did I ever tell you that you’re something else?” He’s grabbing the sides of your neck and you’re running your fingers through his salt and pepper hair. “Eh, I’m used to it already.”

He likes the way your nose crinkles when you’re being your usual sarcastic self and he’s staring at you with a glimmer in his bright blues before he’s diving right to you.

You hate to admit it but the man knows what he’s doing with his lips + tongue and he knows that you’re enjoying it based on your body language. “Did I pass?” You’re playfully glaring at him, trying to slow your breathing + taking note of the gap in his smile and say, “give me the ring, damnit.”

It’s a 1 carat emerald diamond with French diamonds (he explained to you) that extend half of the way around the band. They say everyone thinks about what their ring would look like but you also never thought you’d find love again after being cheated on multiple times. It was evident that Kelly put thought into this ring and into you.

So you grip his cheeks and kiss him again before wrapping him into your arms, feeling the tears in your throat. Kelly rubs your back whispering, “I’ll do my best to make you happy.” “No need to worry, you’re doing great so far.” And you’re laughing again and enjoying the feeling of being in his arms.

The Pre-Moon added to the energy of being a fiancé and fiancée. You’re wearing Kelly’s cap backwards and this is marked as Kelly’s fav outfit on you yet. You in the warm weather is the perfect view in Kelly’s eyes as you settle into your hotel.

He’ll definitely pull you into the shower with him since he doesn’t have to shower alone now. You caught on pretty quickly, enjoying the makeout session and wondering hands but you don’t take it further than that, just sticking to teasing on the first night.

He’s the partner that likes to sleep with the tv on although it doesn’t make sense to you. He’ll be taking care of the electric bill if he keeps this up outside of the show! Lots of pillow fights, “catch this!” and WWE moments that lead to more makeout sessions. Leave it up to Kelly and he’ll never leave this room. He likes walking around shirtless a lot trying to get you riled up but if he hasn’t noticed you’re a tough cookie.

It’s when he goes out onto the balcony ass naked shouting good morning to the villa, you’re yanking him right back into the room while he’s laughing. “Is there a problem?” “Yes! Why are you sharing our business to the rest of the villa?” “Our?” Kelly questions with a smirk while you keep your eyes only on him. He’s stalking towards you now after you created space between you two. “That’s what I said. Now put some clothes on!” “Is that really what you want?” “Are you planning on going skinny dipping at the pool?” He thinks about it letting a wide smile greet his face. Shaking your head you say, “never mind!”

Neck kisses and nose kisses are a thing between you two. The attraction is magnetic and 1000000000% there but you don’t officially do the deed until you’re back in Chicago on a houseboat he brought and is renovating to resell.

You wake up in complete bliss, his arm tucked underneath your jaw and fingers touching your shoulder which he kisses the back of. You’re staring at your ring, crooked smile on your lips as he’s peppering the side of your face in good morning kisses.

“I didn’t get to show off my lingerie.” You pout recollecting how the events of the night happened on impulse—but a good impulse nonetheless.

“You could model it for me now.” Kelly suggested, “or…we can shower together and get ready for the day. Meet everyone at 51.”

“You didn’t even tell them yet.”

“I told Matt and Dawson—Gabby.” He informs.

“Then I can meet them but want to wait on everybody else.”

“Okay,” he’s ready to get up but you’re pulling him back, “let’s stay in bed just a little bit longer. It’s still early.”

He can’t cook for shit and his stove isn’t repaired yet so a trip for bagels, coffee, and tea for you was a pit stop before heading over to Matt and Gabby’s where you meet little Louie as well. You and gabby understand each other’s humor and like that you’re honest about knowing how crazy this marriage thing may seem but the focus was on the present that leads up to marriage. You would put in the work if kelly does and so far it’s been great but honeymoon phases can wear off…

You have your own place and didn’t like staying on a houseboat by yourself, so a weekly routine did include you staying back at your own place while Kelly would spend many nights at the station which you stayed away from until it’s brought to your attention that Brittany shows up to the station based on a text she “accidentally” sent you. “Look who I picked up to have lunch with”

Here comes the drama the producers were looking for! It was an off guard photo she took at a table they were sitting at for lunch and you didn’t give her the satisfaction of replying. You would just wait until Kelly showed up for breakfast…hours later. He sent a good night text that same night and you left him on read which he tried not to think too much about.

Finding your front door unlocked was alarming and this was his first time being at your place, which was pretty nice. He calls out to you but he can smell the food so he quickly turns to his right to find you in your kitchen.

“Hey,” he starts, making his way over to you to peck your cheek before rubbing his hands together at the food spread and taking a seat at the island counter, “…what’s up?”

“How was your day yesterday?” You start, stirring the contents in your tea cup.

Kelly’s diving into his food and shrugs, “t’lright. Busy as usual. Missed your call on your lunch break and then reached back out to you once my shift was over. Figured you probably fell asleep right before.”

“How was lunch with Britt?” You casually ask sipping at your tea mug.

Kelly stops chewing, bright eyes flicking back to yours.

“And don’t hit me with the ‘what’re you talking about?’ She sent me a photo on purpose although she tried to lie about it.”

“…it wasn’t planned.” Kelly starts.

“No?”

“No, why would I willingly go out to lunch with her if I said all that I needed to back in the pods?”

“You tell me, Kelly.”

Kelly tightens his stare, “Stop. Don’t do that.”

“I’m not doing anything but trying to carry a conversation with my fiancé. Questioning why he’s hanging out with his ex wife…that’s all.”

“We weren’t hanging out! I just told you that. It wasn’t planned. I went to go pick up lunch for the squad and she so happened to be there having lunch by herself and she invited me over. I sat down and then we talked. I was only there for five maybe ten minutes sitting.”

“That’s five to ten minutes too long for not having anything else to say.”

Kelly lifts his shoulders, “I don’t know what you want me to say here.”

“You should have told me instead of her trying to gain some sort of one up on me saying that she picked you up when she actually didn’t. Which is weird as hell by the way.”

“I can’t control what anybody does but I do agree, I should have mentioned it last night although nothing happened but you didn’t answer any of my texts.” “Don’t try and flip this on me.” “I’m not! This just feels like you’re trying to start with me over nothing.” “Is it really nothing though?” “I’m not your loser of an ex okay and I’ll never be that. I know how that feels and I won’t steer you wrong. I love you, okay? If you have any doubt, just put your trust in that ring.”

As he mentions this it feels like the engagement ring burns against your skin but you’re staring at Kelly, taking his words and knowing they have weight to them. Blinking you step back, “I have to get to work, enjoy breakfast. And don’t forget to lock up on your way out.” Is all you say before sliding a key his way.

And he watches you leave while he rubs his face is frustration, pushing the plate away from him and no longer having an appetite.

The both of you are hard workers and push your personal business to the side as you enter your work places. However that doesn’t mean in the free time that you don’t think about each other. This was your first disagreement…if you want to call it that but your feelings for each other were strong and demanded to be felt.

You didn’t see Brittany as a threat at all, finally deciding to send back a text letting her know that whatever she’s trying to get at has clearly passed her by and that there is no need for her and kelly to continue any contact. If she didn’t respect that then there would be hell to pay :)

Thankfully she gets the message, saying that she’s already on the next flight back to Georgia and Kelly is at yours first since you’re the one with a late night. He’s made himself comfortable on the couch, watching sports, and you don’t head to the kitchen that has take out on the table, you head right to where your man is on the left side of the house. You plop beside him and he side eyed you, turning the tv down before turning his head to you.

You tell Kelly exactly what you told Brittany before apologizing about being somewhat accusatory but not about how this made you feel. He’s aware of the hurt you faced prior and know it’s a big deal giving your heart to him. He promises that he’s not going to break your heart and you promise that you’re learning to be more trusting.

Every other weekend when Kelly’s not working on the boat you head out to his lake house, liking the views but not the idea of fishing—but it’s baby steps with you.

It’s the little things that the both of you are getting the hang of. Kelly’s hasn’t been in a long lasting committed relationship since his first engagement but he knows he likes being with you doing the things you like to do and having new experiences on what he likes to do with you. It’s all about sharing and Kelly jokes that you’re not the best sharer.

Meeting each others families at a little get together at your place also puts each other into perspective besides word of mouth to each other. Everyone that the both of you socialize with agrees to be at the wedding (even Mr. Severide who asks Kelly off to the side if he’s really serious about you but it’s not like he’s taking advice from him!) which you actually pushed to the back of your mind although it’s coming up pretty damn fast!

Very protective over each other even when speaking of one another, lots of squeezes you’ll give each other in passing: he’ll squeeze your shoulders when you’re hunched over your laptop looking over something for work when you should be off-reminding you to relax, squeeze your hips and move you aside so he can get by, you both like to rub each other’s back when you’re hugging, if he’s sleeping with his back to you, you’ll use his bare back at your pillow, he’ll throw you over his shoulder the minute you start bickering with him over something, you can ask him something as simple as what type of food to eat based on two options and he’ll say something annoying like, “both,” with a shrug and you’re ready to playfully choke or slap him on the back of his shoulder.

He loves his mustangs and you love your broncos. The both of you will swap cars for a day or two just because or you’ll grab the wrong key—he thinks you do it on purpose. He basically lives at your place now and it’s the norm for you two.

What may not be normal is that feeling in your stomach the sooner the date to your wedding approaches. Kelly always tells you that you can talk to him, that the both of you should be able to talk to each other if something is bothering you so you have a conversation three days before the wedding.

“Do you think we’re ready to be married?”you ask one morning in the bath while Kelly is shaving his face.

“Is anyone?” He says staring at you in the mirror, “If the relationship is real I think most just let the nerves get the best of them and may look for a way out. You don’t think we’re ready?”

“I mean…we’re still trying to learn each other.” “True but you’re scared to take that jump aren’t you?” “Yes.” “Okay,” he goes silent for a moment, “is there anything I can do that will change your mind?” “About getting married in three days? I don’t think so. Are you ready to get married?” “At the start in the pods I wasn’t sure but talking to you made me feel hopeful again I guess. I haven’t really thought too much about it recently but I liked seeing you wear the ring and it was like we were just living without the label. Now that it’s coming up…I might be unsure again because I’m getting in my head about it…but I’m positive you’d make a great wife.” “…Maybe.” You had your doubts about that title just like Kelly. “No, you will. And it may not be in three days, weeks, or months— “or years,” you interrupt.

Kelly exhales with a roll of his eyes, “but you will and I personally want to keep getting to know you.” “Good, glad we agree on that.” He’s stepping to you now and squats down beside the tub, reaching for your cheek to place a kiss on your lips, “just making sure you’re prepared to piss a lot of people off. I assume this means no big show at the altar?” “You would love to do that wouldn’t you?” Kelly grins, “only to the producers, not our family or friends because those producers kinda deserve it especially since I heard them making bets on us.” “We don’t owe them a damn thing.” “Yeah, you’re right. Just thought I’d pass it along and see what you think. So…still my fiancée for now?” He tests and you nod your head, “cool, what do you want to do today?”

And you smile in the fresh morning and Kelly admires just how pretty you are when you have your mind made up. There was still love written in your eyes the longer the both of you had eye contact as you say, “I’ve always wanted to go to Belize.” “Yeah?” Kelly quirks up his brows, “think you can get a bag packed in thirty minutes before the camera crew get here?” “I love a challenge, Kels.” You’re standing up now and Kelly wraps his arms around you, lifting you from the tub, “so do I.” He says into your neck before setting you down on your feet and slapping you on your bare backside to get going.

You’d like to state that you’re not very impulsive but jumping on a flight with a man you agreed to marry after a few weeks of talking behind a wall but chose to ditch the wedding speaks volumes! The both of you are nowhere to be found (Kelly makes sure to call Boden about his minor absence after a day in Belize) but you both know at some point you’ll have to return to reality, for now being with each other without the constant worry about what will happen next is the most freeing feeling you both received.

For the audience: Is love blind for this couple?

[JOE CRUZ.]

Otis was lucky Joe loved him like a bro, otherwise he wasn’t sure he would really try out for this sort of thing…although he knew it would be nice to be in love.

Especially if it turns out to be genuine.

He gets excited being in the pods and actually liked going on dates and felt like he can be quite the romantic if he puts in the effort. However he knew he couldn’t dive right in and had a balancing method that worked out in his favor since most of his dates seemed to hit off but still lacked something.

There was one that was questionable and a little weird that he had to dip out on but for the rest of the ladies he could say he had a solid time.

There’s three contenders that he’s socializing with and one of them steps out of the experience with joe because she felt like her connection was stronger elsewhere. Joe appreciated that honesty and wished her well before continuing with the two women.

It’s still early so he doesn’t have to have it figured out now but he does take into account how he feels chatting with them. Both match his energy yet one is more…sexual than the other and ofc joe doesn’t mind it but he wants to make sure there’s more than just the physical if the plan is to get married at the end of this, so he makes note of that.

Then there’s you who makes him feel like he’s right at home, someone who feels like a friend that he can love past the platonic.

You have inside jokes, drag all those dance movies especially, “save the last dance,” (never magic Mike tho! Which makes joe scowl and roll his eyes) and joe is comfortable admitting that he’s into rom-com’s because who, “doesn’t love a good love story,” but is absolutely into action movies with a detailed storyline as well.

It just feels like you both come to terms with wanting to talk to each other every day and feel happier in doing so. So…he makes the decision on choosing only you to focus on and awkwardly tells the other woman who simply shrugs it off saying, “you’re probably old, fat, and balding in the middle anyway and you’re not as funny as you think. Your lost, asshole.”

Leaving joe wide eyed and caught off guard at being dragged. When he tells you about it you scoff saying, “she’s the one who lost with that nasty ass attitude. Don’t listen to a thing she says because we all know she doesn’t know her times tables anyway. And I think anyone would be glad to have someone like you in their corner so screw her.” “You mean that?” “Cross my heart and hope to fly.” “Thats…not the saying.” “Well who the hell hopes to die? Not I! I’m not even in my prime yet.” Joe chuckles, “that’s fair. Thank you for that.” “Of course, now dinner with Kanye or are you taking the twenty grand…?”

May let out a sigh of a, “I love you,” during your many talks and once he realizes he says it out loud he’s scrambling trying to save himself but you’re shushing him.

“I mean I am pretty fabulous so it’s about time you share those same views.” You start, “and I’m sure I love you too and what this little life will be.”

Which was all the confirmation joe needed to continue working at what this could be and that’s exactly what you both did.

He’s only nervous when he has to face you. More worried about what you’ll think about him physically after that previous dumping brought up his baldness unknowingly and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t curious about you as well but the heart always knows what it wants.

“You’re gorgeous, honey.” He says as you’re caressing his head then his cheek and he’s holding on your waist. You wink and say, “as are you and we got the heart to match so sounds like a win don’t you think?”

You both give each other a nice spin hyping each other up before joe’s down on his knee to propose with an engagement ring.

A 2 Carat Pear Diamond that’s twisted along the band with more diamonds on its side.

“Ohhh, impeccable taste Joey! This is chef’s kiss but you’re already the best gift a girl can ask for and I can’t wait to be your one and only.” Joe’s all heart eyes as he’s getting to his feet to connect your lips.

And you’re both letting out a sigh like this is where you’re meant to be.

The pre-moon is even better. Superior weather and views + being with the man you can see the future with. You’re quite aware of joe being big hearted and it doesn’t disappear. Breakfast in bed, he pays attention and gives his input on fits when you ask for it—even when being self conscious he’ll still compliment you reminding you of your worth, making requests of saying ‘I love you,’ morning, night, and even when/if you’re getting on each other nerves. He knows he’s a blanket hog since he gets cold easily but thanks to the hotel sheets being tucked in so tight he can’t pull the covers too much but promises he’ll do better when you get back home, you help him shave the back of his head, and he’ll help you with your eye drops since you flinch too much doing them yourself.

You’ll spend a lot of time snacking and lounging on the balcony + night time swimming and sunbathing. “I don’t need that,” he says to the sunscreen and you give him a look before he’s sighing taking the cream from you, “you’ll have to get my back,” “always boo,” you state knowing that joe will learn to not argue with a esthetician.

Meeting Otis already feels like you know him since joe talks quite a bit about him. And it’s just as easy talking to Otis as it is talking to Joe and he deff gives baby brother energy so you know there will be no issue looking at him as such. The party goes by smoothly and you catch joe staring at you from across the tiki bar and shoot him a funny face before carrying on although you do feel giddy knowing that his eyes are only on you.

You’re both tipsy and love drunk when you get back to the hotel so it’s no surprise that you both end up underneath the covers. Joe kisses like he’s got all the time in the world and takes his time even further exploring your body and even once he’s in between your legs. He has no problem telling you how you make him feel in your ear and you both learn just how vocal you equally can be.

The next morning is just as loving but Joe’s hangover is not although he claims he didn’t have that many drinks. You on the other hand have a high tolerance and provide just the best hangover juice to cure it while massaging his head with peppermint oil, along with a cucumber facial he tries to eat, and beginning to take care of Joe’s marked up back. He hisses as you rub aloe on his back, “hey! A warning would have been nice you know?” “Well at least you know now,” you grin pecking one of the scratches while Joe scoffs at you over his shoulder before placing a kiss on your forehead.

Lots of forehead kisses and hugs from behind. Lots of rants from him that you nod along to and although it may seem like you’re not paying attention you’re actually a great listener although you space out sometimes. When you get back to Chicago this doesn’t change once he gets back to work and he’s talking about his day. You do have great commentary and know which conversations require that same commentary thrown in while he’s going off or when to wait until he’s done.

“So…how was your day?” He’ll say after awhile, seeming to finally take a breath, knowing both of your fields of work were way different. He assumed you had more peace of mind but there were some clients that liked to show their ass and when you first started with your cousin not only did they try to get over but so did your clients so you had to bring out a different side to you and stood on that.

Which meant renting out a new space and separating from your paternal cousin who was holding you back. Once you did that it seemed like everything in your life started to work out, including joe.

You were saving up to get your own place, growing tired of living in the downstairs space which was like an apartment of your aunt and uncle’s who raised you. You never really had to live on your own although many judged you about it being in your adulthood but you were thankful that you don’t have that experience of being forced out like many friends did. You paid your way once you knew how to manage your money. Joe was more than welcoming you into his space but you kept questioning if Otis was okay with that…

If you’re a black reader (or POC or wearer) and use wigs as a protective style/preference, you can almost guarantee that Joe will steal a black wig cap for his head at work since his caps might not be clean and he’s sure 51 wouldn’t notice. But you did!

Sunday dinners are a thing at your aunt and uncle’s which is something Joe wants to incorporate in your own home life. Having dinner with family is so important (even eating with everyone at 51, joe holds dear to his heart) and likes that it isn’t tense like it would be with his dad and Leon. He helps your aunt with the dishes while your uncle chats with him and you’re working on plating the dessert.

They’re asking the tough questions he’s prepared for. Where you’ll see this relationship going in the next five years after marriage? Would marriage still be on the table if you choose to keep seeing each other and not go through with it? How you’ll handle disagreements? How many kids if the lord is willing/ how you’ll raise them and in what faith? How you’ll plan to support each other in life?

You don’t interact with Joe’s father since he doesn’t either. One day you were sure he would tell him but his tío is aware of his choice, which is concerning at first but tells Joe that he hears the sincerity in his voice. You do have a hour long conversation with Leon who gives his stamp of approval, calling you, “sis,” already which makes you grin knowing that his spirit is just as infectious miles apart. He’s direct in questioning your love for his big bro and you give just the right answers.

House 51 is welcoming, more brief, and humorous. The usual standard questions: what do you do for work? Hobbies? Why on earth would you pick Joe to marry? Lightheartedness which is more easy to deal with than the seriousness of your aunt + uncle and Leon.

The tour of the firehouse is eye-opening along with the few stories joe tells you about. You know when to give squad 3 shit back whenever you pop in and the older men become family too with lots of texting in a group chat without joe—which he’s confused on why but accepts it after some time knowing it’s no ill intent but definitely side eyes severide if he feels like he’s getting too close to you for his liking but ultimately knows you have no interest in anybody but him.

Leaves out that he had a minor dating history with sylvie and is awkward when you two meet. Otis finds this amusing and slyvie is confused on why Joe is being weird but says nothing more than that. You eventually find out that the two use to date + how it ended + they’re still friends and you shrug, “okay…do you want to see any of my exes to make yourself feel better?” Joe’s giving you wide eyes and spits out, “that’s only going to give me high blood pressure, so no thanks.” You burst out laughing against his chest, “then let’s finish our show.”

You don’t mind having times where you don’t do much but you also like a balance of doing more than just simple. Joe takes those hints and tries to come up with ideas here and there in his free time and if you’re not feeling it you’ll come to some sort of compromise.

Things feel natural between you two like you’ve been in each others lives for a decade already. Was that enough to carry you through marriage?

You feel pretty in your dress and not nervous which makes those in your corner eye each other. You usually always keep your composure but most expected you to be a little nervous but you weren’t. You knew what you had waiting for you out there and it felt right. The conversation you had with Joe the night before last also made you content with your decision.

The compliments were flowing as you stood in front of each other with soft smiles. The ceremony felt as fast as this proposal and you had the honors of going first, “…I met a guy with a heart of gold and wants to see the best in everyone. The one who constantly makes me feel like it’s okay to accept love past a friendship and see a lifetime worth of memories in his eyes. I love how we are together, show up for each other, and that I am the only woman in your heart. Marriage is the biggest leap on top of this proposal and I’d be honored to be your wife. To show you just how much love I can give in return….”

It’s Joe’s turn, “…I usually don’t have the best judgement when it comes to love but you’ve shown me that anything is possible. That I made the right choice and can push to do whatever my heart desires and I’m positive that’s you. You’re so uplifting even with your sense of humor and I think that’s the best thing I can ask for. Someone always having my back but also knowing when to tell me that I don’t need to give everything away if people aren’t ready to accept it. I knew I could love you not only in the pods and yeah I wear my heart on my sleeve a lot but I won’t be ashamed of that. You never make me feel ashamed of that. This is the most insane experience that I was forced into which I can thank my boy, Otis for! but it brought me to you and I can’t be mad at that. I love us and I’ll love us even more with time. We have a bond that is meant to last so I know we’ll still make in due time…”

Which is why you chose to hold onto your engagement longer because that felt right. You both moved to your own drum but Patience felt like key in this relationship. You didn’t want to break up but just grow and it made the most sense although many were clueless at this being the route you both took including the producers.

You still had an engagement party at firehouse 51 since the producers didn’t want to include the reception since you both didn’t go forth with a marriage. “You’re probably gonna regret that when the real marriage happens buddy. They pay for all that crap.” Otis whispers over champagne and joe groans before he remembers, “well I’m sure her uncle will help out since he was in the CIA or something…I hope.”

Before long you’re both on the dance floor, happy with where you both stand in the now and what’s later to come.

ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ.

FEB. FLUFF FIN.

#chicago fire #Chicago fire x reader #love is blind #love is blind netflix #matt casey #matt casey x reader #brian otis zvonecek #Brian Otis zvonecek x reader #brian zvonecek #kelly severide #kelly severide x reader #joe cruz #josef cruz #joe cruz x reader #February fluff #February prompts #queued

[aronarchy]

https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/william-gillis-one-giant-red-flag-folded-into-a-book

So much abuse is about trapping and monopolizing the target’s attention, feeling entitled to claim a chunk of their brain. The experience of being abused is often one of being forced into thinking about the abuser constantly, from trying to predict their acts to trying to follow the latest tangle in their proclamations. Abuse strips away agency by stripping away the capacity for the abused to think for yourself, to think about anything else or think at all. If the abuser controls critical needs then everything is devoted to trying to turn yourself into a complex key that can unlock those needs. If the abuser besieges and terrorizes you randomly, you form your brain into a vast prediction net, trying to preempt as best you can every single avenue by which they might strike. Or you huddle up and turn yourself off, turn your brain off, to try and weather through things like an inert object. All of these are about losing your capacity for agency in a way that extends beyond any physical constraints directly imposed upon you. Abuse takes over your brain.

Sometimes the abuser acts so as to not have to think about you, to terrorize you into smallness and confined predictability, but sometimes the abuser is themselves driven by their own ravenous attention on you and the need to make you dedicate that same level of attention to them. This sort of abuser is never more happy than when their provocations force you into direct immediate raw unthought emotional tangles with them. They yell and yell until you finally yell back, and then they grin in glee because they have you. Neither abuser can stand your escape to any degree, which they read as a direct assault on them.

There are many aspects of abuse, but abusers feel entitled to your attention.

I can’t emphasize this enough. Demanding that an ex listen to you, mobilizing The Community to force that ex to give you a monopoly over their brain is an abuser’s wet dream. It’s how thousands of accountability processes have derailed into an abuser continuously retraumatizing their survivor.

Schulman, it must be emphasized, has no argument for why we should be obligated to give away our attention to anyone who wants it. What she has instead is 1) a fixation on pain and suffering of those denied control over the attention of their targets, and 2) the repeated assertion that having no boundaries is “adult” whereas saying no is “childish.” Mature adults talk things out in person, only immature children—or those so traumatized and broken as to be infantile children—would draw a line around their attention and enforce it.

“In another example from other people’s lives, sometimes angry, supremacist, or traumatized people send emails commanding, ‘Do not contact me.’ I want to state here, for the record, that no one is obligated to obey a unidirectional order that has not been discussed. Negotiation is a human responsibility. Little children order their parents around: ‘Mommy, sit there!’ When adults give orders while hiding behind technology, they are behaving illegitimately. These unilateral orders do not have to be obeyed. They need to be discussed.”

It would be trivial to compose a little passage reversing the associations, casting knowing how to draw boundaries and assert one’s independence and agency as the “mature adult” position whereas being caught under the boot of others’ demands to the point where you can’t own your own associations or attention as the “child” experience. But I want to reject the entire adult supremacist frame she’s appealing to.

If the child often stomps their feet and declares “no”—no, I refuse to give uncle a kiss, no, I refuse to get dressed to be your marionette at an event, no, I refuse to listen to your lecturing—perhaps we should see that as an inspiring site of resistance by those most oppressed before they are ground down. Perhaps we should endeavor to be more like children desperately trying to assert their autonomy and consent as agents who get to choose. Certainly the world “adults” have built and perpetuated by beating each new generation into surrender is a clearly sickening and grotesque one.

Even though I personally have made choices to maintain some level of contact, I vehemently support every abused child who walked away from their parents and never answered their calls ever again. Hell, I support children who killed their abusers. You do not owe everyone a path for reconciliation and negotiation. From abusers to even just wingnuts and inane time burglars, the best option is sometimes to just walk away forever. We have limited time on this planet, why spend it trying to repair every single relationship you have so far happened into?

Schulman somehow cannot even fathom goals other than the maintenance of existing relationships.

“Refusing to speak to someone without terms for repair is a strange, childish act of destruction in which nothing can be won.”

Liberation can be won. There’s a world of possibility beyond the confines of one given relationship. Opportunity cost is a real thing that is worth considering. That nothing is gained in one specific relationship by walking away doesn’t mean that a world of possibilities can’t be gained through the absence and negation of that relationship.

#repost of someone else’s content #C4SS #gillis #sarah schulman #CINA #Conflict Is Not Abuse #abuse culture #abuse apologia #intimate partner abuse #child abuse #parental abuse #ageism #adultism #childism #freedom of association #autonomy #bodily autonomy #youth rights #youthlib #youth liberation #kyla #anarchism #anti nuclear family #nuclear family abolition