#only learned bad things

[shinwhoohoo]

I don't know if you already answered this but what is your personal ranking of all B1A4 title tracks?

this took way longer than it should have lol

so I'm answering this solely based on the audio of the comeback title track-- not the MV, not the era as a whole, or the stage outfits, or whatever. Just the musicality of the song. (And I’m ranking all the songs they actively promoted on music shows as a separate comeback, so excluding OSTs or one time, special stages)

Tried to Walk (the first time I heard this song, I remember being in shock-- this was such a radical jump to me in Jinyoung’s composing skill and a real turning point for him. It’s still such a beautiful song, and I think it portrays the emotions of the lyrics perfectly, with Baro’s rap the icing on the cake + the final chorus KEY CHANGE!)

Lonely (UGH so hard to place this, but ultimately I think this is my spot for it. Love a good pentatonic scale, love a good final chorus key change, plus the ‘Baby, I just wanna spend some time with you’ STILL GETS ME)

A Lie (To me, Lonely get’s the edge because of the pentatonic scale makes it more interesting and unique, and Tried To Walk gets the edge because it was the first to have the complex chorus and I’m a bit more nostalgic with it, but A Lie is a very *very* close third place. And oh look, another FINAL CHORUS KEY CHANGE LKSJFKDLFJS)

Sweet Girl (time has been kind to SG lol arguably my least favorite comeback, the song itself I’ve warmed up to considerably. I do appreciate the change in style, to a more jazz-like sound than we were accustomed to. And it *is* pretty, very full and luscious sounding.)

Solo Day (fun, great vibes, great backing beat, catchy chorus, just a little too much JY singing lmao but another song with a strong ending)

Like A Movie (this song was actually a bit hard to rank. While I like the melody of this song more than say, SD or WH, I feel that it lacks the fullness, the richness and heart, that SD and WH have when I listen to them. Hence why I ultimately put it in between them lol. Also, I think having a 3/4 time signature was a nice change of pace)

What’s Happening (perfect example of if I were doing this rating strictly on the comeback/era as a whole, What’s Happening would be #1 lol. But just based on the song, WH’s never quite did it for me-- but I do appreciate the fun vibe and switches in tempo but controversial opinion, I think they overplay/overperform it. and yes yes I know because it was one of their most well known, public friendly songs.)

O.K (still holds up, still cute, still lively, nothing more to say lol)

Baby Goodnight (you have no idea how long I went back and forth between putting this above or below O.K lol. While I think Baby Goodnight is catchier, on the whole, I think O.K is just the better, more complex song musically.)

Only Learned Bad Things (idk, I really have nothing to add about this song, it’s solid but nothing special to me).

Beautiful Target (in a way, it pains me to put this low; but while the chorus and ending is super strong, the versus I always found to be pretty average, with the electronic robot voice always grating to my ears lol)

Rollin’ (needless to say... I was very whelmed when Rollin’ first dropped. It is, to me, a more advanced/complex song than O.K, BG, etc, but I do not find myself ever going back to listen to it. It’s one of those that when I do actually go back and listen-- like for this ranking lol-- I’m like oh yeah, right, this song exists. It’s cute, I like it, but yeah, idk *shrugs* there was enough tropical-house songs coming out at the time, and this song certainly didn’t break any barriers with it)

Baby I’m Sorry (aka literally the only comeback song of their’s I never liked lol, even when it first came out. Too much autotune. Especially with JY’s parts.)

I tend to favor more melodic, moody songs. Songs with big sweeping melodies, with dramatic finishes over more upbeat, simple catchy songs. The first three are like, so close to being equal it’s really difficult for me to even rank them. I just find them to be such beautiful, heartfelt songs filled with emotion. The next grouping I’d say would be 4th through 9th-- all very solid songs that I absolutely love and adore, but just lack that edge for me. Then 10th through 12th are I guess, songs I like overall, but definitely moving towards the more ‘average’ vibe. And yeah, like I mentioned poor Baby I’m Sorry I just never really cared for lol.

Feel free to share your thoughts or your ranking~!

#b1a4 #oof should i tag all of these #also thank you anon i actually don't think i have ever been asked this! #ok #only learned bad things #beautiful target #baby i'm sorry #baby goodnight #tried to walk #what's happening #lonely #solo day #sweet girl #it's a lie #rollin #origine #text #ask #reply

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[duinoelegies]

something so crazy-making about unhealthy mentor-protegé relationships. we're foils, we're mirrors, we're the same person, we're a parent and a child, we're lovers, we're enemies, we'd be better off without each other, we'd kill and die for each other

#its literally all walter and jesse: you're the only one i can teach and i'm the only one you can learn from #don and peggy: we're building the desert of the real and you're the only real thing there #house and chase: please free us from our bad show so we're more than just the potential for being interesting

[ryssbelle]

Drew a bunch of Marinettes in a bunch of different artists styles it was a lot of fun!!

Artists who's styles I mimicked: @buggachat @hamsternamedmarinette @ladybeug @sabertoothwalrus and @anna-scribbles all epic artists 🤟😎

#my art #marinette dupain cheng #miraculous ladybug #miraculous fanart #style mimic #sorry for the @s btw #yall should go follow those artists if you dont already also #this was sort of inspired by a post the three artists on the top row made #i think they all got together and drew with one another #which is really cool #but i was genuinely confused because i mimic styles a lot #and ive seen others do it too so i was just like #wow they really know each others styles really well #until i thought about it and read their posts some more #style mimicking is really freaking fun and i think its really good practice #and a good way to explore other ways of doing things #like you really have to learn new techniques and get out of your comfort zone #also anna scribbles i could not find a recent pic of marinette in her main outfit #so thats the only marinette i drew in different clothes cuz i couldnt find a more recent ref of you drawing it #anna scribble marinette has privileges thats the others dont #but ye #i also threw my own style in there as a frame of reference to what me draw like #ive drawn marinette before just not in a loooong while #sabertooth walrus was the hardest for me to mimic cuz they have a broad range in their style #so its like which sabertooth do i wanna be in this pic #Buggachat has such a distinct style thats very clean and consistent which is amazing so they were easy #being easy or hard arent bad things either it also has to do with like styles meeting up with one another #buggachats and mine arent too too different in some shapes and aspects #so yeah itd be easier plus they drew marinette like 3 sec ago so i have more recent of a ref #as opposed to sabertooth who i have a recent ref of ladybug but not marinette so we got two diff styles in one

[morganbritton132]

Steve, in the middle of Eddie’s live-stream: You know kids don’t square-dance in gym class anymore?

Eddie, stopping everything: WHAT?!

#five minutes later: *Eddie and Steve arguing over the steps they learned in gym class over thirty years ago* #Let’s be real square dancing was the only thing Eddie enjoyed doing in gym class #Also I think Steve would be bad at it but only because he was too in his head about looking dumb #apologies if there are still people who have to square dance in gym #eddie munson tiktok saga #steve harrington #eddie munson

[bugsbenefit]

forever annoyed by the wannabe activism that got so much worse during the pandemic that so many younger people seem to primarily abide by now. where almost all their "action" is online-based and heavily focused on media consumption and "problematic people". it drives me so crazy. i don't know how to tell you that going after a musician or actor or comedian because of their views or statements is the least productive form of activism and i honestly wouldn't even count it as such. if you want to call yourself an activist you actually need to ACT. not just talk online about how person xyz is evil and be done for the day, or say book/movie xyz is problematic and then log off, that's not enough, that doesn't actually DO anything

call local officials, go to protests, talk to people at your uni/school, boycott brands. hell, even talk to your parents about what's going on in Palestine, or other current events, many older people have conservative views, not because of inherent bigotry, but because they don't have enough information and grew up in a media propaganda bubble. or just talk about ongoing events online, keep the pressure on the public and don't let people lean back and forget. all that are actual forms of activism

i'll never stop being mad at the new wave social media wannabe activism that lets people think they're done with their Activism Activity of the day if they called timothee chalamet or noah schnapp a bad person. girl, yeah they are, but actually do Anything else too, that's not the activism you apparently think it is😭

#something something the lockdown forced people to be online instead of in local in person communities #so a lot of young people never learned how to actually do activism properly and only know the performative online outrage one #same reason why so many young queer people are so out of touch with queer culture and community honestly #i just need people to talk to real people in their area about things like activism and queerness so bad #organized action only works if local people organize and act 😭

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

#selfie bee #to be honest my stage 2 was just drawing the same picture of Helena Bonham Carter everyday #I still have the folder #friends not only did I drive a BIKE recently I also drove a CAR #all on my own!! （*´▽｀*） #It was very scary and I cried a few times but I did it #in the beginning I had to do a few night shifts in a different city and there was to other way to get there and in the end it was fine #I wonder what other things I am scared of are secretly fine #phonecalls? math?? （●´･△･｀） #I am actually avoiding math right this moment #I've decided to learn how to sew a skirt and did you know that sewing is secretly math #I did not know and now the skirt is very short and the living room is covered in yarn and I have not done any actual sewing yet #but I will do it and maybe its just like driving and you just have to cry a little and then it will be fine #the only truly bad thing that happened while driving is that I got into a thunderstorm one time #and it was night and there were 300 trucks going to opposite way #I tried to focus on the Lizzo song on the radio but I was also crying #if you were a truck driver and you saw a woman 2 months a go at night driving a car crying while singing Juice! Juice! (´；д；`) #I'm fine I hope you didn't also cry #have a nice day friends!! #I hope you're doing well!! ♥ :) #I will now go back to the skirt

[kelocitta]

Day 23: Pearls Crown Jewel

#rain world #rainworld #rwartmonth #rw art month #was originally brown. rapidly learned i do not work well with browns. it is no longer brown #Also its not really clear thats the ID drone but it turns out it also looks bad when its the only thing obviously at a different angle so #whatever. anyway i like to think the scavengers just thought it was a really cool shiny thing like a pearl #also the scavenger chief doesnt have the mark of communication here cause i like to think the only reason it got that #was because pebbles couldnt blow it up due to the citizen drone #so they were trying to be like “please stop fucking around” and it Did Not Work #anyway i dont think i really did this prompt 'well' but im going to be busy tomorrow so ah well!!!!

[feluka]

"don't pretend you actually care about this you only heard about this cOnFlicT on october" have some respect do you have any idea how long we've been blocking this oxford comma guy

#in honor of him wojacking me just now. too tempted to respond to him but no. i have more self respect #also i fucking hate the 'you only heard about this recently' silencing tactic because #1- completely overlooks the populations that GREW UP with this cause #2- yeah i would very much rather it didn't take 30k deaths for people to start making noise but #if an average young person heard something on the news recently and thought to themselves #'oh dear this is such a travesty i need to learn more about this and how to help!' then good for them?? why is this a bad thing?? #again i'm talking about the average kid not. people like b*rnie s*nders who have been #supporting the occupation since forever and only decided 'oh no this is too much' after 30k deaths

[spielzeugkaiser]

hi, first off i really love your art. the h/c and warmth really hit me where i live and your illustration style is fantastic. lately i've been obsessed with the post where an unwell milek thinks geralt will leave him behind. was that an ingrained insecurity, assuming his super-witcher dad wouldn't have time for a sickly human kid?

[MASTERPOST] - Ahh, thank you for the ask! Yes, this scene.. I actually saw this a bit differently! It's not about Milek fearing Geralt will leave him behind, he actually wants him to. They need to find his Pa!! I think he often feels like a burden; Jaskier knows this, but Geralt isn't aware of this yet. Milek just wants to pull his weight, especially with Jaskier. A little sneak peak to their struggles regarding this:

Meanwhile Jaskier continues to struggle with his omega status.

#jaskier #the witcher #geraskier lovechild #julian alfred pankratz #omegaverse #there are various things happening here! a. Milek never really had to fear that Jaskier would leave him he knows he never ever would #b. Jaskier said again and again that he'll always care for him and loves him and that he doesn't have to pull any weight at all #c. Jaskier actually became the parent that just wants his kid to be educated and study and learn #(maybe because he knows Milek won't be able to do hard labour but also because he knows what Milek really wants to do) #(filed under: things I haven't drawn yet but they had their big fallout because of oxenfurt and university - things to come in the future) #d. Milek has watched Jaskier working his ass off in various jobs that he didn't like #(and he thinks that prostitution is the worst but only because they didn't properly talk about it before) #e. Jaskier is struggling with how he is percieved - which I think was never that much on his mind when he was travelling with Geralt #being a carefree bard and giving everyone the middlefinger who had some wrong ideas about what he could do and what not #but this is definitely an AU in which he doesn't have a good relationship with his father and he can still hear him say he'll become #'an unbonded omega with a bastard child working on the streets' and I think sometimes it gets to him #(because Jaskier is king of hating his parents ever being right about him) #that Jaskier kind of wants to spare Milek and quietly hopes we won't become an omega - even if he feels bad about it - shall become plot #(one dayyyy) #anyway that was a very long rant about Mileks complex relationship with him feeling like a burden

[shinwhoohoo]

What is your Sandeul MV ranking?

Baby Goodnight (I love him in his cowboy outfit)

Sweet Girl (love the soft candy colored looks & hair)

Beautiful Target (LOVE all of his scenes, he does the comedy and over-acting so well)

Like A Movie (love Sandeul with the zombies lol too funny)

Solo Day (also love the casual beach look on him)

What’s Happening (cause in general it’s my favorite era and styling and I love him with orange hair)

O.K (he looks cute)

Tried to Walk (looks good, but not enough screen time of him)

Lonely (same as above)

Only Learned Bad Things (same as above... again lol)

A Lie (also same... though he does look soft)

Baby I’m Sorry (just too much over the top acting, also just don’t care for the styling)

Rollin’ (just a shitty MV all around, will probably be ranked last for me in any MV ranking lol)

#b1a4 #sandeul #baby goodnight #sweet girl #beautiful target #origine #solo day #what's happening #ok #tried to walk #lonely #only learned bad things #it's a lie #baby i'm sorry #rollin #text #ask #reply

[starry-bi-sky]

I'm so annoyed. @kingcrow01 tumblr ate your ask about Danny's opinion on the League. tumblr i pressed 'save draft' why didn't you sAVE DRAFT.

ANyways I'm making a post instead. For everyone else, the ask was in summary:

What was Danny's opinion on the League now that he's left it? If he missed the familiarity of it, if he recognized the cult-like behavior inside it, and if he now detested his grandfather.

And to answer (again, grrr): It's complicated! We love complicated <3. Yeah, Danny does miss the familiarity of the League, it was still his home for the first ten years of his life and he has a lot of memories there. Plenty of good along with the bad, and while he's less homesick than he was when he was 10, it still hits him like a truck at random intervals.

Sam, Tucker, and Jazz are great, and he likes the Drs. Fentons enough that he's contemplated murdering Vlad for his meddling, but if he wants to eat the same food his mother used to make him and Damian, he has to do it himself and he can't get the taste right. No one knows arabic so he speaks it to himself because he doesn't want to forget his mother tongue, and he has a few books too. Frankly? He genuinely misses training.

Getting to use Sam's gym helps with his restlessness, same with training with Maddie, but he has no one on or above his level to go against other than his mother. And he only sees her twice a year at most. He knows that he's getting stagnant and he fucking despises it like a bad itch he can't scratch.

He feels conflicted about missing the League, however, since by now he recognizes the flaws and what was wrong with it, and he recognizes that it was cult-like. But even that is kinda, hrm, complicated? If this was a fic I would be able to go better into depth about what he has and hasn't unlearned because cult deprogramming is hard and Danny's doing most of this on his own.

Sam, Tucker, and Jazz have helped with the more obvious stuff: like the ecofascism, the disregard for human life, his emotional constipation; the more obvious stuff that shows in his behavior and personality. But none of them are professionals nor do they actually know the full extent of what Danny's life in the League was like. They only have snapshots since Danyal is very tight lipped about it. So they can only help with what they see themselves through Danny's behavior or word of mouth.

But in summary: He sees, for the most part, what's wrong with the League and disagrees with some of the stuff they do now. But he's very conflicted, and trying to dissect his feelings on the League confuses him. His protests about it whenever Sam and Tucker joke about it have at this point become mostly empty (altho it still causes him some discomfort), and its an inside joke between them three.

As for Ra's? Despises him. If only because Ra's wanted him to kill his little brother -- thinking about his motives with the League confuses Danny, cognitive dissonance and stuff, -- a lot of his hatred stems from "He wanted me to fight my baby brother to the death. I destroyed my relationship with Damian because of him, I had to fake my death and leave my home, and I will never meet my father or see my brother again because of him. Fuck that guy."

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #danyal al ghul au #starry asks #demon siblings au #danny's opinions on the league is rather complicated but he knows that some of the stuff that happened inside was wrong. and while he's #always known that his upbringing wasn't normal -- and he took pride in that -- its only in recent years that he's learned that #this was a *bad* thing. that his upbringing was wrong. he's still kinda grappling with that. #danny's homesickness hits the worst when he's patching himself up from a ghost fight alone. stitching up his throat in his ghost form when #he gets hit with a deep child-like grief and the unwitting 'i wanna go home'. he's exhausted and sad and hurting and fucking *tired* #good mom talia al ghul supremacy. she's trying her best. #but yeah sam and tucker did a lot of good for Danny by becoming his friend. he's a lot better off than he would've been if he remained alon #'a child not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth' type of stuff. danny's aware of this and is incredibly grateful #for sam and tucker. and as a result can and will get violently protective. his moral code on killing can be summed up as: i dont kill bc i #value human life and it's inconvenient. but i will do it without remorse if i must. #vlad is only still alive because he's incompetent. but the ice is thin #catch me about to make an incorrect quotes post about this au. i am so close.

[somethingaboutmint]

Blocking every annoying fallout fan and taking away new vegas until you all learn to behave

#like im so serious i dont think ive ever been more annoyed at my dash #can you all learn to enjoy things. #every single criticism ive seen so far has been ' once again this proves new vegas is the only good fallout game' #absolutely nothing constructive #ive also seen such dogshit takes about the series as a whole like. jesus christ #i dont care if i get labeled as a bethesda shill i think you guys are just wrong about what fallouts about in general #like i think new vegas and the bethesda fallouts can both be different takes on the same thing and none of them are inherently bad

[uncanny-tranny]

Finally listened to Dylan Mulvaney's song and?? I don't get the negative hype about it, it was frankly a cute song. Also the "playin' catch-up 'cause we missed the pre-game" made me laugh, it was a good line. Dylan, you've done it again!

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #it just sounds like... a normal pop song. the only problem is the auto tune. i'm not against auto tune but whoever mixed it... #...did not make it seamless. i'm bad at recognizing auto tune but i could hear it #the thing that sucks is auto tune is now like... industry standard but nobody who is responsible for doing it seems to do it right #to me it's justa cute song about learning to appreciate and admire life and the women who helped. like it's pretty normal #i don't even follow dylan i just think she's. a relatively normal person as far as being a former theater kid can get you #if you were in theater or band your normal rating goes down at *least* a tier level. often more than one. ask me how i know. #anyway. listen to the song i think it's cute as hell. i'm always a sucker for songs about appreciation and gratitude

[puppyeared]

i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand

#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona #its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around #one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them #making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth #i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since #memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an #association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont #fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell #on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one #dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong #despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them #interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing #i struggle find a balance between those two things #actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of #her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard #or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it?? #maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard #although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh #yapping #oc talk #oc

[pallanophblargh]

You know what the worst feeling I've been having lately is? Wanting more than anything to get back into Actual Art again but finding a sudden anxiety that stops me. Even if I'm still as capable as I was, it's the mental block. It's why I've all but kept commissions closed for this whole time: this overwhelming fear of letting people down. Especially in times as troubled as these, where money is tight, and patience is thin. I've always been blessed with such patient and considerate commissioners, but I would hate to test people because of my malfunctioning brat of a brain.

I just wish it came to me as easily as it did before the massive burnout/medication. But it's up to me to come up with my own motivation. And it's ME.

Anyway. Thanks as always for sticking around despite... all of this. I'll get back on the horse soon.

#text post #april rambles #it's stupid because I WANT to do it #but even wanting to do things doesn't trick my jerkass brain #the meds helped some things and fucked other things #I'm still trying to reshape my relationship with watercolor #I haven't touched it enough and yet I'm trying to learn more #which sounds dumb #but so is anxiety am i right? #so i've been poking linocut because i don't feel bad being awful or unskilled at it or whatever #it's no pressure #and I'm disproportionately afraid of pressure now #which is something the medication can't fix #now if only I could purchase motivation and courage #I'm just so worried I'll disappoint people forever #you know how vicious cycles are #anyway i'm gonna get things done one way or another