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side-effect-of-the-meds · 4 years

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Since I'm quarantined with my dad what if Andrew was at wymacks when the lock down started so they end up stuck living together

Both of them spend the first few weeks grumbling about how horrible it is to be trapped together. That’s a load of bullshit, so jot that down real quick.

While Wymack feels a bit bad that Andrew is stuck away from Neil, he’s glad that neither Nicky nor Kevin are anywhere near him. Can you imagine what those two would be like with cabin fever?

A lot of people think Wymack keeps Andrew close for fear of him hurting people. The truth is the exact opposite. Wymack keeps Andrew close for fear of a) what others will do to him and b) what he’ll do to himself. Even before finding out about Dr*ke or seeing his scars, Wymack knew Andrew had been hurt. It was why he’d worked so hard to make himself a person Andrew trusted to keep him safe. The court wasn’t a safe place for him the way it was for others but Wymack’s apartment was. As long as Andrew was in the apartment with him, Wymack could rest assured that his little monster was okay.

On that note, Andrew feels a lot better now that he’s here too. He misses Neil so so much, though. The two of them call every few days just so that they can hear each other’s voices and know that the other is safe. But, make no mistake, it was no accident that Andrew got stuck spending quarantine with Wymack.

Look, Wymack’s getting on in his years. He may rant and rave about how he’s in better shape than Andrew but they both know it’s a lie. In recent years, his joints have started to creak, something that can only be heard in pindrop silence and, more importantly, his immune system has been failing him. For the most part, it’s older people and the immunocompromised that are at risk for the virus. At this point, Wymack is both. Someone was going to have to go out into the world and buy Wymack his groceries. His supposed ‘allergy to cleaning supplies’ didn’t help.

On Day One of quarantine, Andrew dumps out the ashtrays and clears up the living room. Day Two he forces Wymack to sit down and confront the disaster zone that he calls an office. There was a spare filing cabinet in the other room that they drag in too. It takes two whole days to organize everything but they get it done. In the days before the officially announced that Corona was a threat, Andrew had been stockpiling cleaning supplies like a maniac for fear of Wymack getting sick. He sets out on Day Four to actually scrub everything down.

Wymack shouts at him for being overlycautious but know that it’s because he doesn’t know how to deal with this blatant show of Andrew branded affection.

Its Day Seven by the time that Wymack gets too stir crazy to bear being at home anymore. Since the top two floors of the apartment are empty, Andrew let's him go on jogs up and down the stairs and only across those floors. That being said, he doesn't really trust Wymack to follow orders so he goes with him. Wymack complains about not needing a baby sitter but the company is actually kinda nice.

I'm taking a few creative liberties here but every four floors share a gym. The people on the floors beneath Wymack never use it so Andrew starts allowing him in there too. He Lysols every piece of equipment before he'll let Wymack near it tho. Is he being paranoid? Maybe a little but Wymack is the only older man he trusts and he'll be damned if he loses him to fucking Corona Virus

Anyway, there's a boxing ring in there and Wymack makes a few jokes about how he could take Andrew in a fight. After a while it starts getting under his skin and one thing leads to another and Andrew ends up finding himself in the ring with Wymack.

He gets his ass handed to him by a man more than twice his age :')

Another thing the two of them do to pass the time is bake. I mentioned in one of my Dadmack fics that Wymack bought both a stand mixer and an ice cream maker for Andrew to use as he pleases.

They end up baking a shit ton of cakes and sweets. Once a week Andrew will drop the excess on Abby's doorstep so she can distribute it to the rest of the Foxes. Neil finds out about this and surprises him by waiting inside the house and waving at him through the window.

Andrew wants to be cool and stoic and nonchalant but he misses Neil so much. He caves and ends up pressing his hand up against the glass and waiting for Neil to do the same. It's as close together as the two of them are going to be for a while.

Two weeks into quarantine, a package arrives at Wymack's. It's a play station that Wymack sets up in the living room. Andrew comes home from a grocery store run to find it up and running. There's a headset on the table too. As soon as he puts it on, he hears a familiar voice. "Took you long enough, you ass," Aaron snaps. In an attempt to salvage the progress the twins have made in their relationship, Wymack took it upon himself to buy Andrew a gaming system so they could bond over video games :')

Andrew teaches Wymack how to play so whenever Aaron isnt around, the two of them play instead. Wymack isnt the best but he puts up a good fight.

The first thing Andrew and Wymack do once stay at home orders have been lifted is zoom over to Abby's. Neil is already there waiting. Andrew grabs hold of Neil and cant bring himself to let go. Neil is quite content to let himself be held. If either of the boys see Wymack kissing Abby, neither of them say anything.

#just a pipe dream #all for the game #the foxhole court #aftg #all for the gay #tfc #andrew minyard #the foxes #andrew joseph minyard #neil josten #david wymack #dadmack #abby winfield #aaron micheal minyard #aaron minyard #minyard twins #twinyards #reveal to me your deepest desires

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savrenim · 3 years

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omg i can't believe you replied-- i'm so starstruck right now! and wow, your reply is so long, like i said i would have been perfectly happy if you'd just said: "no" but you actually put in the effort to write such a long reply?? so thank you. alright now: i had no idea about ur original book, and I am so excited to read Opus I will buy it as soon as I can. 'm really excited for it now too, lol! will recommend it to all of my friends. running out space will add more on another ask

ok its me again. hi! i want to read honestly everything you said you'll write in your list of projects, but mostly Opus and witch-queen! actually sounds amazing! i will definitly try out ur book, esp if it's free-- and i have NO doubts that lots of other people will too! i'd buy it. and thank you-- for being so nice to your readers and writing projects that have literally make all the difference in people's lives and still carrying on even though there's not a lot of response. --carried on--

thank you for offering a bit of closure for itfmlam and all in all just being an amazing person. thank you thank you thank you! i... don't know what to say anymore, i'm not very good with words but, yeah. thank you. (and i expect that i WILL love opus-- gay and ploitics and Seers - yes! - all sound like they make a wonderful novel!)

yeah the tumblr ask system is ridiculous but also it is very fun to receive a bunch of asks in a row because The Ask System Is Ridiculous, it's almost a big "DnD joke sending Sending and running out of the 25 words because you don't plan your message ahead of time and keep babbling so keep re-casting the spell" sort of mood and I love it

I am really really glad that there is Someone out there who will give Opus a try which if you've read a beating heart of stone you've already met Saes and Luka which abhos is already so funny because, like. they're both in character for their circumstances but Saes will appear so different in the novel bc her circumstances are that different in the novel but I am. so, so excited about it. there are just so many tiny things that I love. it has The Gay. it has Enemies To Ride Or Die BFFs Speedrun. it has both Actual Intricate Fun Backroom Deals Backstabbing Politics and also Dramatic Duels To Settle Things a la “You know, I can hear you thinking that our government is fucked up and archaic. You can say it to my face.” “I was trying to be polite.” “You are forgetting one very very important detail. We have the defense of ‘we will beat you in a fistfight, therefore we are right and you are wrong.’” “Your government is incredibly convenient to me in particular and also fucked up and archaic.” it has 'so many of these characters are sassy little shits' as evidenced by the previous dialogue. it has 'if I've done this right it will start out feeling like okay fast-paced fun action and then you get like ten chapters in and PSYCHE there are Feelings shit just got Real'. it has such a weird fun civilization and culture that I made from scratch with a conlang where pronouns are not gendered but instead assigned by the speaker to the person that they're talking about based on the amount of respect the speaker has for that person and New Fun Verb Moods like not you've heard of the indicative but consider: the aggressive-indicative. it has the red/blue/gold system. it has an actual really cool looking cover that I commissioned from a friend bc they do that, they do the art thing professionally, so even though this is a self-published and ebook-free-I'll-probably-set-up-a-paperback-on-lulu-or-something-which-obvi-isn't-free-but'll-be-the-cheapest-it-can sort of deal it looks really cool and looks real and makes me feel like a real writer. and you just. aaaaah. have no idea how excited it makes me to hear that There Is An Audience Outside My Friends Who Have Had To Live With Me Ranting About This Nonstop For Four Years That Is Willing To Read This.

(also thrilled that someone will give witch-queen a try, it's weird and so few people like 2nd person writing but it is definitely a project that I am very excited about. given that it's probably going to be under 20k words it is also the sort of thing that will be finished very quickly the moment that I sit down to actually write it. the premise is intensely funny to me bc it is 1000% my reaction to watching an old B-list movie again that was a fave as a kid that I will probably admit to what said movie was on my patreon eventually but not out here in public and then finding in Wikipedia that it had a whole knock-off franchise except they totally in between movies 1 and 2 fridged the main love interest off-screen not even for angst just to I guess replace her with a new love interest and I was like. okay. what if. what if I write a revenge piece of fiction. where you have someone in her exact setup except then instead of being fridged offscreen through sheer spite and genre-savviness you have this queen who is just. aggressively avoiding the attempts of the narrative to assassinate her via refusing to participate in tropes that would end up with her dead and actually being scarily competent and it's weird but I also love it as a concept and do somewhat miss writing in 2nd person, I used to do it all the time when I worked at gay theater camp and wrote hundreds of thousands of words of character sheets for larps and anyways I'm ranting but witch-queen is fun and I'm ridiculous and self-indulgent enough and stubborn enough to bring it into the world)

and!! yeah!! very glad to have been able to answer!! I try to answer all of my asks, especially because they are currently at a Very Reasonable Volume, I am super grateful to receive them and so long as I have time I try to answer!!

#my life #my writing #very glad to have brought joy to your life with an answer and with my writing anon!#that is my dream for my writing

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thestarssystem · 3 years

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aa hello i've written this like 10 times but it always got extremely long so i'm gonna try to keep it shorter hdbznj also i just wanted to say its okay, take ur time ! i hope u had a nice time on ur break :] also i'm glad you're fine with these asks cause i always end up rambling and stuff that makes the asks really long dgzbzj

i've been thinking about the possibility of a persecutor as well, but i wasn't really sure because i was like "why would the first alter that i directly hear/that presents themself to me be a persecutor" so ty for the response :]

& the thing about giving away information would make sense, the panic specifically started when i was feeling very ,, apathetic but on the upset scale? if that makes sense? and wanted to vent about it on a subreddit about venting, and i don't even remember what caused the panic, but i assumed it was either a. i started getting memories of the events i was trying to vent about (emotional flashback?) or b. it was just social anxiety acting up again because i knew i would do as much as writing it all out but i would never post it, but i think it could've been a mix of both + what you suggested (also quick note: when someone called me fox they also said stuff like their dms are open if i need to vent etc etc and i don't exactly remember what caused the panic to spike there? but i think i was just happy-ish someone cared and then i think something else happened in my mind that could've influenced me in a bad way (e.g self h4tred) but honestly i don't remember </3)

but another thing is, i've done that a bunch of times. for example i post neg posts / vents / rants a lot sometimes on a different website (on an account where i feel comfortable on, though i always delete them like 6 seconds later) and i posted one on the same subreddit on friday because i was panicking, i barely remember what happened when i was panicking though, and i kind of blocked everything out because i was too focused on the trigger (school). the voice hasn't been back for a while now so i'm starting to think it could've just been my imagination? though it could've been i'm just not able to hear it anymore / before that, or that it's not always there (which might/probably is the case if it wasnt me imagining stuff)

also, i have a few questions if thts okay :]

this might be a weird question, but is it normal to like- have a good relationship with alters almost right away, despite the fact it's your first time directly interacting? or have alters front even though you've never heard them / they've never interacted with you? i know those are two very contradicting statements, though i have no idea how to explain it further </3

one last thing: yesterday i had like 2 mental breakdowns because i got triggered by some stuff and i was up until like 3am (i went to bed at exactly 4am) and i did some stuff like switching up my profile, i was really tired and had been d1ssociating for hours after i got triggered. when i woke up today, and went on my profile, it all felt very ,, weird? like, it kind of caught me off guard when i realized my profile was different because i barely had memory of doing so (i could recall it though, it was just very very fuzzy and in one of them i felt like i wasn't even the one doing it). i just wanted to ask, could the d1ssociation have caused that, or is that just a normal thing for when you're tired?

sorry i didn't want to send just a regular update on things so i waited a bit until i had questions shxbxj hope you're doing well :]

- fox (i was a bit anxious because it was getting long so i kept them a bit short, so if u need me to elaborate on any of these i'd be glad to! i don't mind /gen)

oo wait i really quickly wanna make a small suggestion to you. Just something that we do a lot! If you have snapchat, i suggest creating a private story with yours as the only account that can see it and just use that to rant! It makes it easier to document for later (if you want) but also keeps it private and allows you to rant about what you’re feeling and get that nice moment of release haha.

Anyway, on to your actual questions:

So I would say that a lot of the time, it’s normal to not have a good relationship with alters right away. A lot of the time they’re kind of like strangers and you have to take the time to get to know them and be friends with them. For my system, we didn’t know of each other until we started talking about OSDD, but now I would consider most of us friends haha. Also, the first time that Daniel fronted was completely out of the blue. Granted, we didn’t know OSDD/DID at this point but there wasn’t even a slight sign that he was there haha. I would say that’s also fairly common. Maybe because they don’t want to talk to you, don’t need to talk to you, or are just too nervous to talk to you before hand.

Just normal dissociation could have caused the foggy memory about your profile, but the lack of sleep definitely didn’t help lol. When the brain is sleep deprived, it doesn’t have the energy to encode actions into memory like it normally. This is completely normal and happens all the time to people who are sleep deprived. However, dissociation (even without a switch) can also cause that weird “hazy” feeling. Because dissociation (without switches) normally causes a person to feel disconnected from themselves and from reality, it can cause processing of those memories to be a little wonky at times. In this state, you can still remember vaguely what happened, but may not recognize it as your own.

Also, you don’t have to worry about the length of your asks, Fox c: If you need more space to write then write your heart away. I’ll still give the same attention to your asks, regardless of length.

Stay safe xx

-Clover

#osdd protector #osdd positivity #did osdd #actually osdd #osdd problems #osdd alter #osdd community #osdd support #osdd system #osdd #dissociative system #dissociative alters #other specified dissociative disorder

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booobeary123 · 4 years

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It’s Always Been Her For Him, But It’s Always Been You For Me// JEAN KIRSCHTEIN X FEM! READER X REINER BRAUNN

Modern AU!

Words counted: 2365

~~~

She knew it wouldn't have lasted, she can tell that he still has feelings for her but she loved him to much. Y/n L/n, she's in love with the horse face boy, Jean Kirschtein. The way he looks at her, the way he treated her, the way he talked about her to her and his friends, was nothing the way he did with her. The fact that it's her best friend, and she knows that her best friend doesn't like him. The girl I'm talking about is Mikasa Ackerman. Y/n boyfriend is in love with her best friend and she didn't feel the same.

And that day hit her like a pile of tow trucks. Y/n went to go surprise Jean for his birthday, and from that plan went down hill when she arrived at his house. His mom let her in, telling her that his best friend Marco is here and they both will be happy to see her.

As the h/c girl walks to the outside of her boyfriends room, she hears his confession. "I feel so awful! I been dating her for almost two years and I'm still in love with Mikasa." His voice booms on the other side of the door. "Just the way her hair flows, the way her eyes glow, the way she can take charge and just everything about her." One tear falls from the girls face. "I don't know how- I don't know how to break up with Y/n... I mean I do care for her but it's different, I don't know if it's more than Mikasa or less... I should tell her..”

"You should, you been leading her on for about two years." A voice that didn't sound like Marcos, which is in fact Reiners. "It's kinda of a dick move."

"Haven't you done it?" Marco questions it.

A huff escapes from the blondes lips, "for a few months, not two years. Look man, she's probably coming over later and you should tell her."

"We been telling you for the past year." Marco agrees with their other friend.

A soft knock is heard from Jean's door. "What is mo-" The three boy's face drops to see Y/n standing there in tears.

"Happy birthday." With that she drops the things she bought him and ran out the house. Jean stood frozen, he couldn't believe that she was there listening to that.

He grabs the two bags to see what were inside, his widen to see the new game system he's been wanting since it came out, along with a few games he also wants. "She's really in love with you, just like you are with Mikasa." Reiner states after seeing what she got him.

The first thing Y/n did when she got home was call her friend. When she came over, she brought over some f/f(favorite flavor) ice cream and the two of them watch her favorite movies. "Do you want me to beat his ass?" Her best friend bluntly states.

Y/n shakes her head, "If you do like him, Mikasa, it's okay."

A small giggle escapes her lips, "Even if I did, I wouldn't. For one, you know who I like. Two, you bought him the new game system that cost over four hundred bucks, along with some games, I deserve to beat his ass. It'll be my birthday present to him." A sigh escapes Y/n lips, "You don't deserve him, he didn't realize how much you love him."

"It doesn't matter now, now does it?" She questions her friend, stabbing at the ice cream with her spoon. "Am I heartbroken? Yes. But am I surprised? A little, but I'll get over it. It might take a few days...or weeks... or months... eventually I will." She places her best fake smile for Mikasa, so she doesn't have worry.

~time skip~

Y/n walks into her last class, and only class she shares with her ex boyfriend. Jean tried to speak to her but she has most of her classes with Mikasa, and she refuses to let him talk. And with the classes that Y/n doesn't share with Mikasa, she shares with Eren and he tried to get into a fight with Jean a few times when he walked into class trying to talk to you. But of course, this is the only class you didn't have with either of them.

Luckily, she has Historia and Ymir in her last class too. "We heard what happened..." the blond female asked.

"I'm okay." Y/n flashes a fake smile, a smile that Jean notices as he stares at her instead of listening to the teacher. His heartache after you left, he even told the two friends he had in his room.

Ymir lets out a laugh, "You're not. He admitted his feelings for your best friend yesterday."

"I mean..I'm still in love with him, but I- if he wants to chase after Mikasa when she clearly has feelings for Eren as everyone knows it, he can. If he's happy with it, then I'm happy. I just want him to be happy, even if it's not with me." She rants to her two friends.

"Class!" Their teacher shouts, causing everyone to get quiet.

After class, Mikasa, Eren, and Armin stand next to Y/n last room door. When she walks out, the four walk to their lockers. "You should switch classes-" Eren started off.

"-I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to loose this class because of him." Y/n stated, then sighs. "I know you guys are looking out for me."

This went on for months, "We can always tell your dad-" once again she cuts off Eren.

"That's not right, just because he's the principal doesn't mean I'll use the power of it." She states.

Mikasa sighs, "Why do you even still love him?"

"Why does he even still love you?" Y/n snaps back, giving shock to the trio. "Sorry.. I just... it's been hard to get over him. We been together for almost two years... I don't think I'll ever get over him."

As the tension rises of jealousy, Armin spoke up to cut it. "Are you going to the Christmas dance?"

The e/c girl shakes her head, "I don't think I am."

"Come on, lets go together." Mikasa offers, a sigh escapes the girls lips before agreeing. "Great." After school, Mikasa and her go to Y/n's house to get dressed. "I know that you don't want to go because you know who will be there, but I'm glad you are. It's been a while since the four of hung out."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't let Jean get to me to much. Tonight it won't happen." After those sentences, someone knocks at the door. This causes both her and Mikasa to quickly put shirts back on(since they were changing).

Both girls walk to the door, opening to see surprisingly Reiner with flowers and chocolates, blushing looking away from the two girls. "H-hey." He clears his throat. "Can I talk to Y/n?" A smirk appears on the the raven haired girl before walking into a different room.

"Reiner? Wha, what are you doing here?" A blush comes across her face as she looks at the flowers he brought. Her favorite, along with her favorite chocolate.

"I know that you're not really over Uh Jean, but would you like to go to the Christmas dance with me?" He asks, handing her the flowers and chocolates. Before she can answer, he spoke once more, "It's okay if you don't..."

"I'd like to." She cuts him off with a smile.

"I get that I'm his friend but- wait you said you will?" Y/n gave a nod, holding the smile on her face.

"Of course. Where are we going to meet?" She asks him.

"I'll stand outside the school, waiting at seven." He smiles widely, wrapping his arm around the small girl. "See you later." He pulls away then walks off to his car with a huge smile on his face. Even though he has admit he has done what Jean has done to Y/n, but it was because he's in love with her. Reiner Braunn is in love with Y/n L/n. And he hoping to change her mind of his friend and have her fall in love with him.

Once y/n closes the door, a blush and smile is stuck on her phone. "Does someone have a date to the dance tonight?" Mikasa asks as she notices the smile on her face.

She giggles, "Yeah..." she spoke in a loving tone, something she hasn't done in months. Y/n always had a liking in Reiner but hasn't really spoke to him only when he was with Jean. "Let's watch a movie? We have about five hours-"

Mikasa shakes her head, "I have two hours, Eren and Armin are going an hour after it opens." Y/n gave her sad eyes, trying to have her stay for the five hours. "Your puppy eyes won't work on me like the other two. I'll see you later. Maybe you'll kiss Reiner, I heard there's a lot of mistletoes." Mikasa winks before walking out the door.

A groan escapes the only person in the house, "What to do..." she whispers to herself before going to her room and turning on Netflix. As she watch a her favorite show, she started to drift off the sleep, so she quickly set an alarm in two hours before knocking out.

Once she woke up, she felt pain through out her stomach. Y/n quickly ran to the bathroom, only find it was her time of the month. Tears fall down her cheeks as the pain was so bad, she takes some aleve to light up the pain.

After she got dressed into her (color) dress and black wedge, the pain stayed as it's only a few minutes before she has to leave to meet up with Reiner. "I need to tell him I can't go.." she mumbles to herself. Y/n takes out her phone and clicks on his name, calling him.

"Y/n, are you on your way?" His voice sounds excited.

As tears falls from her face she spoke, "I-I'm Sorry." She stutters our.

"What's wrong?" He asks in a concerned tone.

She shakes her head, "N-no. My st-stomach hurts so much. I don't th-think I can make it. I'm s-so sorry."

“It’s okay, I’ll swing by-” Y/n cuts him off.

“-You don’t have too. I’ll see you Monday.” She sniffs before hanging up. The e/c girl climbs onto the bed, curling up into a ball of pain and tears. Still with her (color) dress on and heels.

After thirty minutes her door opens, “Dad please not now.” She mumbles, pressing her head against the pillow with pain going through her stomach.

“It’s uh, not your dad.” A familiar voice spoke.

She lifts her head to see her date. “Reiner? Why are you here?” She spoke with glossy eyes.

He chuckles before sitting next to her, “Well, since your stomach hurts, and as you always say that for your period, I wanted to make sure your okay. Here,” he hands her some of her favorite chocolates and candy.

A blush runs across her face, “Reiner, you didn’t-”

His finger goes to her lips, “I wanted to-I wanted to tell you at the dance. But since you couldn’t make, I’ll tell you now before you find someone else.” A confused look runs across the girls face after he removes his finger. “I’ve liked you for a while. Well, more like love you for a while. Before you were dating Jean.”

“But the other girls- the girls you used-” His places his finger on your lips once more.

“When Jean dated you, and kept tell Marco and I how much he loves Mikasa made my blood boil. But I also did that when I was dating those girls, I kept talking about how much I love you to Bert but you were dating Jean.” He sighs as the blush goes to his cheeks, “I really wanted us to be under the mistletoe tonight so I had a reason to kiss you.”

As it’s a very emotion roller coaster for y/n, her response was to cry. His eyes widen trying to figure out what to do to fix this, apologizing. “Don’t apologize, I’m just emotional right now.” She wipes her tears away before grabbing Reiner hands. “Well, um, I kinda painted the ceiling above me with a mistletoe when I was dating Jean so we could always make out for a reason.” She points above him, with a blush on her face. “There’s a mistletoe.” His head tilted up, to in fact see a painted mistletoe, not a very great painting but it was the thought that counts. “I wanted to take it off because of the memories every night, but you can help me make new ones.” Blush burns into both the their faces.

“You sure?” Reiner asks as his face is red, but luckily is dark enough to not be able to see it.

“Yeah.” Y/n smiles as does he. “I’m guessing that you’re going to help me get over him?”

“I hope so, but this will sound harsh, but you need to understand that it will always be her for him, but it’s always been you for me.” With that he captures her lips in his with his hand holding her cheek and other holding her back.

She wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. She loves the way their lips move together, like nice and soft clouds. Reiner slowly places her back on the bed, with him hovering above her, without breaking the kiss. The more they kiss, the less clothes they kept. “I’m so in love with you.” He mumbles against her lips.

“Good. I may be in love with you.” She says back, bring their lips back together.

#aot #aot x reader #jean kirstein #jean x reader #reiner braun #aot reiner #snk #snk jean #snk reiner #attack on titan #imagine #attack on titan imagine #aot imagine #snk imagines #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin imagine #anime #anime gif

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shiro-0197 · 3 years

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Omg that sounds so cute 😭😭😭 I do that sometimes too. Mostly little faces and hearts and the beats turn out horrific 😳 I'm glad you had the time to do so, love :D

awww thank you, I feel much better about it now. You're right, taking a rest is suitable. I was just so focused on other stuff I never got around to studying, but I will definitely do so next month 😅😚

oh I see!! Good luck with those, you're gonna do so amazingly well xx 💖💖💖 hmm they're not the same. So we start our school year in January, and we have a first quarter exam in march, then another midterm in June/July, then a second quarter exam in September, and our finals somewhere in November (and then we get a break from November to December, and resume on the 2nd of January), tho we have many week-long holidays in between, like after our midterms (two weeks) and after the quarter exams (one week each). That's before quarantine. Now, due to quarantine, we didn't have our finals because school was out, so the school postponed it to January, when school reopens xD it sucks because we didn't even have lessons for most of the topics which are supposed to come out, and self studying is rubbish, honestly. But I think I'll be okay if I put in the hours <3

awww 😭😭 that's okay maybe use a pillow to muffle it. Oh how I'd love to give you a headpat rn. I love headpats, do you like them too?

RIVER PHOENIX BESTEST BOY. I love his name so much too, ahdbsksj!! I mean... LOOK AT HIM?? PRECIOUS, BEAUTIFUL, ANGEL.

(He's not alive anymore tho... He passed away on Halloween's day 27 years ago. His story is such a sad one, actually. I have to hold back tears when u think about it)

I'm glad you liked them!! I don't share classical music recommendations with people, you're the special exception, but I'm so happy you like it. It's very soft and soothing, and river flows in you is my favourite thing to play on the piano 😣💖

KSBSKSHSKJ CUTE CUTE CUTE YOUR VIRTUAL DATE SOUNDS ADORABLE GOSH IM MELTING. 😭😭 Poor Kuro, I hope the store restocks some of that juice for him skdjsksk. It's nice that you have someone to spend time like that with. Life is so much more fun when you have someone with you to spend the boring days away. I'm so glad you have Kuro, the two of you sound so wonderful together.

ah yes!! Abigail made it. She's hoping to start a baked goods business in the future, so she practices a lot, and that's nice because whenever I go over the house smells really good. I loved seeing them all too. I nearly cried when I saw Hri (anime protagnist friend sjdjsks it's such a mouthful to type, so that's his nickname xD) because I'd missed him a lot, so I was really really happy. He sat on the floor and let me braid his hair and tie it up, since it's grown so long now!!

Really? I didn't know that but I'm so glad you think so. You make me so happy, I hope you know that.

AHHH yes I really did miss you more, bae 😭💖 didn't not think about you :) I'm glad, it's always so nice to rant with a best friend. I hope things with his family get better!! and oof 😭😭 I never knew that about phones, but it makes sense, extremes of temperature would definitely affect the battery life :( shame that it happened tho!!

I love you too, my wonderful Shiro. Thank you for existing, and always putting a smile on my face.

—miss i'll-braid-your-hair-someday-too-shiro 💖

Heheheh, yes, every time the sounds are like music composed from the cries of the sinful souls right from Hell. It's too fun to pass, though

I'm really glad, also thanks a lot!!!

Damn ... school system is so differnet everywhere. Even the school start, ours starts at first of September😭 It's usually 3 exams per term for each subject, and there are 4 terms. 2 of the exams are for the unit we had passed, and the 3rd exam is what I like to call the final exam, and its has questions of everything we had passed in the term. Or semester. idk how it's called anymore😩 I just know that they're not divided equally (one is two months, one is three, one is 3,5, the other one is 2,5 or something🤨) and it bothers me a lot. Could've done it a little more organized.... pain😞😞

Yeah, selfstudying is really hard... you just lose focus and it's difficult to understand something with all those weird words. For me, at least. With a study buddy i could at least brag that I'm ahead of them XDD I'm sure you can do it, though! Good luck<33

I like to give out headpats!! But, I guess, to have one from you would be lovely😭

Omg!!!! He looks so gorgeous??!? It's such a shame he died at such a young age:((( rest in peace, River Phoenix😖

Ohhh!! Am I, now? That's cute, I'm glad🥺 I'd love to listen to you playing it someday🥺

Hahah, I know right!! I've been thinking about how cute it sounded, tbh I wanted to draw that but really haven't been feeling up to it XD I'm also very happy to have him. It gets lonely around here :( I'm also very glad to have you! And your sweet messages. It's really a relief, knowing someone so wonderful cares about you. Makes me feel even more special, you know?

Ohh that sounds so good!! I wish her luck, I'm sure she'll succeed. That cookie looked gorgeous, bet it tasted great too😋😋 Also that's so sweet omg???? I'm glad you got to see him🥺🥺 and he let you braid his hair what a wonderful man😍🤭

You make me very happy too!!<33

You're making my heart dance rn wth😭😭💞 you're right, it's really nice to just ramble on about stuff with you♡♡ I really hope so as well, but I think it's really better to hope that they can move out. I wish I could help them fjnancially:(

Yeah phones are kinda annoying like that sometimes >:(( it sucks, but at least they do what they need to hehe

Thank you so much for everything, for everything you've told me, for everything you showed me and everything you wished me, you never fail to make my day better💕💕💞💓

#Ari💕#from your dear mr. i-cant-wait-till-you-braid-my-hair-😩😩😩

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fuckstudy · 7 years

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Hey, I have a question regarding test anxiety. I'm a junior in high school right now (11th grade) and I was diagnosed with GAD in 9th grade. But I'll admit that I was a mess in 9th grade - I didn't do my work, it was always rushed, my depression was terrible, I never focused and my GPA was in the gutter. But last year, in 10th grade, I improved a lot. I improved my work habits, I focused, I did everything I possibly could. And I actually did well. I managed to pull a 3.78. Not too shabby. +

(cont) + and this year I’m continuing my work habits. I’m in the IB Diploma programme so the courses are a lot harder but I swear to god I’m trying. But my GPA dropped to a 3.6 and I promised myself I would bring it up. And I studied so goddamn hard for my exams, I swear I did, but I got a C on my business exam. And my grade dropped, and my GPA dropped. I review a lot, I swear. I had a study session with one of the smartest people in my biology class and we went over everything. She told me not +

+ but I can really see that I need the help. My thoughts are drifting toward suicide, and as much as I know that I SHOULD ask for help, I don’t WANT to. My GPA dropped to a 3.4 today. I was at a friend’s house when I found out and I just went to the toilet and cried. All my life (before 9th grade) I was a straight A student. I got awards, I was athletic, I was an all-rounder. But now? I’m stupid, I’m fat, I’m ugly. I can’t do anything right. +

+ I feel like I’m constantly cheating people? I don’t think that makes sense. By people call me smart because I understand the material and I can easily explain it to them, but they don’t know that I don’t do well on tests. And I feel like I’m cheating them and hiding who I truly am. A couple of my friends know, but they don’t really help me out. I mean, yes, they’re there for me. But it’s not directly helping with my anxiety. ++ and I’m sorry for this long message. I don’t know why I sent it on anon to you, because you can’t help me from behind a computer screen, and that’s perfectly okay. I get it. It’s okay, really. But I think I just needed to vent. I need some sort of validation that I’ll do okay in life and I won’t flunk out of high school. I’m just…I’m tired. All the trying and still failing is frustrating me so much. I’m about to just quit trying at all. Why bother? +

+ I’ve tried everything - breathing slowly, reviewing more, clenching and relaxing my muscles, everything. But nothing seems to help me and I just get more and more nervous. Anyway, I’m sorry for this rant. I just really needed to let all this out somewhere. Thank you.

Hi anon,

Thank you for yourmessage. Thank you for having the courage to share this with me and forreaching out - everyone needs a space to vent and I'm glad that I could helpyou in that regard.

My answer is noreplacement for medical advice, which I actively encourage you to seek ifnecessary. However, from the tone of your message it sounds like you want afriend, someone to listen to you as opposed to medical advice that you'vepreviously sought.

I'm no doctor, but Ican be a friend.

On working hard and not receiving the grade you want

From your academichistory it sounds like you're a very capable student. I do not doubt for asecond that you've studied hard, dedicated yourself to your studies, andstepped up to meet the challenges of the IB Diploma. Just because your academicresults do not reflect that effort, doesn't mean that it was all done in vain,or that it was a waste of time. Just because you didn't get an A, doesn't meanyou didn't try.

I was raised on thephilosophy that "if I didn't achieve the best result, obviously I didn'ttry hard enough, and therefore I need to work harder." But life doesn'twork that way. The academic system does not work that way. You can try hard and still fail. Becausethere's a thousand and one factors that are beyond your control, no matter howhard you've tried to control them, or mitigate their adverse effects. Success is not a reward that youautomatically are entitled to just because you've worked hard.

The grade youreceive will never ever be an accurate reflection of the effort or thesacrifice that you put in. It only accounts for your performance in that tinysnapshot of time - at that exam hall, in that hour, of that one day of yourlife. That's it. It doesn't tell me whether you're a good person, doesn't tellme anything about your sense of humour, what tv shows you like, what songs youlike to sing in the shower, what your favourite flavour of ice cream is. Itdoesn't tell me whether you're a morning person or a night owl.

What hurts is whenwe fail to meet our own expectations. And how we deal with them. I've writtensome posts addressing those points here and here.

On practical advice re: test anxiety

Once again, ifyou've found that seeking professional medical help has assisted in the past, Ihighly recommend that you seek it out.

Personally, when Ireceive a grade that I'm disappointed in I try to frame it this way: "Itwasn't because I didn't put in enough effort - it was because I was directingmy efforts in the wrong direction."

Its not about howmany hours you study - its about whether your studying habits are addressingthe assessment criteria.

This requires you totailor your studying habits to your curriculum and assessment style.

Don't learn thingsyou won't be assessed on. Prioritise the topics you need to learn by referenceto how much time your teacher spent on it during class, the proportion of thecourse the topic took up in your semester, and whether or not you've been assessedon the topic prior to the exam or not. Ask your teachers. Alternatively, deducewhat your exam will be like by looking at the format of past exams.

Find some time toreplicate exam conditions - for example, doing practice exam questions, workingunder time pressure. Set up familiarpatterns of behaviour you can replicate in the exam hall - for example, I wouldalways have my watch on the top right hand side of the table and place my sparepens right under, with my waterbottle on the floor. Going through the samesequence of events when I entered the exam hall helped me "get into themindset" and calm me down.

Whilst nothingreally ever compared to the 'exam' hall for me, I found that being 'familiar'with what to expect made me feel much more prepared when I sat the exam. Sure,my hands still shook when I entered the exam room, and I still felt like Iwanted to hurl, but due to conditioning, my mind adapted to working under thatkind of pressure. And whilst I wasn't performing as well as I would be had Itaken the same question home and "studied" it; at least I wasperforming in an exam environment.

And in the end, that's what it boils down to: it doesn't really matter whetheror not you're performing at 100% in the exam hall - as long as you're puttingsomething on the page, you will be ok. It wont be perfect, but you're gettingthe fuck through it.

And yes, all the"general" tips apply. However, if you're finding that they're nothelping, be brave and seek advice from elsewhere - whether that be medicalhelp, online, journaling, or having an activity outside of the hectic hell holethat is high school.

On getting help

"Knowing"and "accepting" something are two very, very different things.Knowing that you need help doesn't mean you accept that you need it. Acceptingthat you need help does not automatically mean you will get help. And that'sok. Give yourself time to assess your options. Don't feel like it's a "race" to get help - no one should beforcing you to 'get help' nor judging whether or not you do. It's yourrecovery.

But give yourself awarning flag - a threshold that, once breached, will be a sign for you tore-evaluate your options.

Friends are friends.And good intentions are just that - intentions. They don't magically translateto a cure. And its great that they're there for you. But support, whilstuseful, doesn't mean that things will automatically be ok.

Because in the end,its something for you to accomplish.

I think of it as aship. My friends are my crew - they row the boat with me, we share funnystories about what we see on the sea, we swear and curse and cry and love.They'll support me through thick and thin. But in the end I'm the captain of myship, I need to steer the ship in the right course. I still need to call theshots. So we can all get there together.

On imposter's syndrome

Anon, I feel thisall too keenly.

As someone who has'held themselves out' to be studious, or to be smart, or who completed an 'advanced degree so oh my god you must besmart', when I don't meet those supposed expectations, I feel like I am animposter. Like somehow, I've "talked to talk" but failed to"walk the walk"

I feel like I don'tdeserve my achievements.

That some day,someone is going to see me for who I am and take all those achievements awayfrom me.

But it boils down tothis: I feel like I needed to 'prove' myself to people.

But why? You don't need to be perfect, you don't needto be "the smartest person" just because you've been labelled as"smart". You're human - which means you can be a duality of things.You can be study-smart, but street stupid. You can be street smart but studystupid. You can excel in practical application but be at a loss when it comesto theoretical application.

You don't need to beperfect to be "genuine".

You're human. You'reallowed to make mistakes. You are more than this stupid arbitrary box that thepeople around you have chosen to define you by.

And you are morethan your academics. Just because your ability to explain things verbally isn'treflected in your written grades doesn't mean you're "dumb" orcheating, or hiding who you truly are. It probably attests to how you're averbal communicator. And in the end that's only one very small piece of thepuzzle. Who you are doesn't stop at that first sentence.

I'm a law graduate.I'm smart. I also procrastinate the shit out of everything and regularly pullall nighters, drink too much, stay in bed all day, cry and feel lost.

All those sentencesare accurate. Who I am doesn't stop at the first full stop.

You're not hiding who you truly are. They're just notgiving you a chance to elaborate on that picture.

On how you are going to get through this

You will get throughthis. You've picked yourself up before and pushed through. You don't need to bethat "all rounder" - you just need to be the version of you who you'dlike to be at this point, at this time. It'll come in small steps, your smallvictories of the day - but define them and celebrate them.

Remember life is not a collection of binary outcomes.Just because you didn't get an "A" does not mean that you've failed.Just because you're not "athletic" doesn't mean you're"fat". There's so many shades of grey in between. It's not one or theother; its just a work in progress.

Keep working on it.

Its easy for me tosay because I've completed high school, university, all that jazz. Hindsightand all that. But you will get through this - tooth and nail. And when you comeout on the other side, you'll be able to help others to get through too. Find somethingthat will get you through - heck it doesn't need to be some "life longpassion or dream" that every movie and studyblr talks about - it justneeds to be something small, something that will get you out of bed, somethingthat will help you be kinder to yourself.

And when its doneand dusted, I can't promise you that life will be perfect, or that you'll havethe life you're dreaming of, but I can promise you that it'll be different towhere you are now.

And sometimes, thehope of change is all we need to get through.

And finally, on how its really, really, really ok to send melong messages

I can't stress toyou how much I admire your bravery for sharing your experiences with me. I'mnot confident that this message will change anything, or fix anything. But Ihope, at the very least, its helped you feel less alone.

For a moment.

Because messageslike yours are the only reason why I continue to run this shitshow of a blog.

So thank you.

All the best anon.I'm rooting for you.

#test anxiety #studyblr #exam #study #high school #failure #fs: replies #look this is a rambly reply and I'm sorry its so late #but sometimes a conversation needs to be had #and the only way i can do so is via essay #when in reality I want to give you a huge hug #so consider this a hug of words #anonymous #because its hitting like fucking 5am here and I wrote this for you

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