#oh therapist I have a treat for you

[kindaqueerngl]

the fact that I just had a very weird image of Nico di Angelo getting high and going "heeeeeeeeey babyyyyyy" to will and flinging his arms around his shoulders then burying his face into his shoulder blades is probably concerning

#oh therapist I have a treat for you #hoo #toa #tsats #pjo #Nico di angelo #will solace #will x nico #Nico x will #gay #funny #mlm #meme #lol #haha

[inkskinned]

i've been in pretty much constant pain for the past 4 months. i have a slipped disc. the mri this weekend finally confirmed what i'd already suspected. mostly, i just put up with it.

i've been in a pretty bad mental space since winter began. my brain is leaking out from between my ears. i just don't care enough to listen to the rabid wet whispering of hope. i'm mostly just bored of being here, the swaddled joyless apathy.

the back pain ebbs and flows, but it's there, so i take care of it. i do my physical therapy. i get in with a specialist. i'm lucky - there's no immediate need for surgery. it's bad, but it could be worse. when i talk about how i did it (it was a very bad sneeze), i usually start laughing. it's funny! i am never comfortable, but hey. i'm young. i'll bounce back, or so they keep saying.

i just found out it's not normal to wake up every night with a category-five panic attack. i'm lucky if i am still able to remember how to spell my name right. i spend my days in a weird blank haze, exhausted, desperate for respite - only to be unable to rest during the night. i say with a laugh - i really hate it when my mental illnesses start working together. i mean, sure. unionize. it's fine. i have lost all sense of myself. there's nowhere that's actually warm in my mind.

i feel bad how often i complain about my back. my friends immediately shush my apology. dude, you slipped a disc. continue complaining.

as a kid, i think i only really admitted to the bad things... twice. for some reason, when he didn't just dismiss it - it made my dad angry. he slammed a door at me. you're fucking ungrateful. what do you have to be sad for?

what an odd delight: the slipped disc gave me the oddest wave of relief. i'm allowed to actually hurt about this thing.

i have chronic conditions which aren't "real" things. i could write a novel on the weird ways people respond to my POTS & the rest of my fun physical acronyms. i am kind of ashamed to admit - i like the way it feels to be able to say well, because of a slipped disc. a slipped disc is a real thing. a slipped disc is serious and painful. there's diagrams and infographics about slipped discs. upon my diagnosis, they immediately offered me narcotics.

i haven't been able to get up out of bed for more than a few hours. i do less and less and less and less. i have started to sit down in the shower. sighing my way from deadline to deadline. this again. in one day and out the other. people tell me i don't really need my meds. i have run out of times saying i have depression, it's become almost transparent. it's so bad my therapist suggested meeting more than once a week, but i don't want to worry her, so i never finish setting up a second meeting. every creative spark in my soul has been entirely ravaged - but that's just capitalism, baby. i don't even take the day off of work. i just show up and do a bad job and get yelled at for it.

it's not real, after all. the pain is just imagined.

#spilled ink #warm up #is this clear? #i have chronic pain & illnesses which i will not be discussing on this blog #and i will say that the way i'm treated about those is often just as bad #but since i don't have the room to give it justice on this post #it's ... about that weird sensation of... #''oh this is a real thing that actually hurts people'' #when u have spent ur life in pain and being told that pain isn't real #feeling like you are '''allowed''' to finally ACTUALLY feel pain #that sense -- oh thank god it's actually bad #idk maybe im a bad person #but sometimes i do like to write about. the actual symptoms of mental illness #and sometimes the Illnesses Do Make Me Think Bad Thoughts #so if this is weird just tell me i'll bring it up w/my therapist ig

[luvevee]

Idk maybe it's fine to accept Sada and Turo are just really shitty parents who neglected and abandoned Arven instead of pulling the shortest straws in an attempt to make them seem like they were just sad workaholics who got too caught up in their work like a bad hallmark movie

#like honestly seeing the straws pulled on my dashboard is like...really? #'oh they had two pictures of him!!' they had a picture of him as a toddler and the other was of his dog #by a cabinet full of their trophies and a messy eating area btw not by their bed #'oh well ai said-' ai literally felt so bad for that kid that they felt like they had to make him feel loved by them #and even arven knew it was bullshit and told them to stop #'oh well-' he's referred to as ''the boy'' in their PERSONAL journals that right there shows they don't love him #arven having basic necessities doesn't mean they loved him it's that they knew how to make sure he didn't starve to death #he literally learned how to cook BECAUSE they weren't there so they even failed on that part #you can't say you love your child just because you give them food and clothes and a place to sleep that's REQUIRED of a parent #like wow they have ONE WHOLE PICTURE of arven when he was like 6 they must love him so much /s #literally arven is so traumatized by how he was neglected and abandoned why are excuses being made for his adult parents #i think it really reflects how some people who turned to pokemon as an escape see their own relationship with their parents #because yeah i def know what that's like to be given basic care and not the emotional parts of parenting #and it means people have to confront some shit that's pretty heavy #listen you having basic things like a place to sleep clothes and food doesn't mean you were loved #if your parents were constantly absent/only saw you when they wanted something/always talked about work/were never there for you/etc- #then that's something you gotta talk to your therapist about #treating your kid like a pet store fish isn't love and arven was treated like a pet store fish #people gotta realize that if you feel the need to make excuses for his parents what excuses you're making for your own or other parents #because damn realizing that stuff hits like a brick #this is a rant because arven's issues hit really hard with me playing through the game #and it's big bruh moment seeing people trying to take copium for sada and turo #they're shitty parents end of story #like it's not rocket science tbh but damn therapy is a thing some people need for how far you're reaching for some love between them all #there wasn't and there's not. the two pictures aren't 'evidence' of love #just like damn #rosebud posting 💐 #pokemon #pokemon sv spoilers

[v4mptrait]

I hate when one of my “friends” tells me that he’s just won’t be himself when he’s around me / when literally doing the most weirdest shit to me or saying the most insensitive stuff to me.. like times like this is why I REGRET making friends with people outside of my friend group

#weepy chatting #nobody cares weepy #weeps.txt #im just shocked by the audacity is all #Like he goes and makes these weird scenarios saying #“Oh krissy you laughed at me getting rejected” #IN REALITY I have yet to care or laugh at those scenarios #But I digress #he can treat me like his therapist but god forbid I ask to just stay as friends and suddenly I’m public enemy no.1 #yes you can have your girlfriend ( now EX ) grill me like a bozo but OH god forbid I complain #Sorry for the nasty tangent yall- im just so annoyed and pissed by the audacity #And then my games acting up which is even more annoying as is #Might delete later tbh…ain’t nobody want to see this 😭 #“You laughed at me not getting diagnosed” #“You laughed at me not staying w a girl longer than a month” bitch stfu literally

[bugfeelings]

Seeking an adhd diagnosis is like "bring someone from your childhood, someone from your adulthood, your 3 most recent report cards, $500, and your firstborn to an appointment you had to call the same practice 5 separate times to be given after following a breadcrumb trail of referring providers. you may or may not receive the diagnosis"

#chats #I mean the really shitty thing is like #I don't dislike how my brain works?? it's just bad at the one thing I need to do to survive under capitalism (9-5 job) #I mean it'd be great to be able to respond to emails and remember to eat and not miss buses because I consistently forget my keys phone etc #but I like how well I do with ideation #I like following whatever interests me in the moment #I like that I'm kind of good at like 80 things #I only want a diagnosis because that's the only way to get medication which is the only way to treat adhd #my therapist keeps talking about 'the meds won't help you still need to know how to prioritise tasks' I already do that #how does a bitch who regularly forgets to brush her teeth maintain straight As APART from prioritising that shit #also it's so expensive and now I have to worry about which friend to bring and whether they know My Relationship With My Symptoms #I mask!! a lot!! if my friend says 'oh nah she always seems on top of things' is that going to preclude diagnosis? #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[ark1os]

.

#what the????? i was just googling how to get better as a self aware narc #and a comment literally said just realise you're not meant for human relationships get a pet or interact w AI #oh my GOD?????????? HOW IS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO GET BETTER IF YOU TREAT THEM LIKE THIS? #theres no GROWTH without social support. imagine you're self aware enough to seek out therapy and work hard on yourself. how are you suppos #d to get better without having people around you to work on your patterns with. without social support #my therapist tried to encourage me to form friendships again because she said even if we work on you you wont be able to achieve your goal #without having someone you can work on yourself with because you cannot get rid of your fear of abandonment and fear of commitment if there #no one AROUND. if im avoiding abandonment and commitment ALTOGETHER !!!! (shes right but its really hard to find someone i want to trust #after everything that happened....... anyway) now imagine if i was a narc. this would be my last straw #i hope i can write a short book on this topic one day. and how to deal with a self aware narc in the umma. itd be a delight ^^

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

my brother keeps being a bitch on purpose and it's really not helping

#my therapist says hes probably doing to feel better about himself and it's like. fuckin hell dude #because like. look im not saying i dont poke fun at him either right #but i like go think i dont go below the belt in terms of shit??? #like i love him im not going to call him genuinely stupid or ugly or anything. #hes good at math and pretty capable. even if he incinerated mac n cheese once and we had to get a new microwave #but he keeps going up to me like (aether) whats a×b? oh how do you not know that instantly? are you stupid? #its because (extremely personal issue) LOL (deep cutting personal issue again) #and its like look ive never been good at mental math stop being a fucking jerk over me not knowing fuckin 9×7 off the top of my head #and i keep telling him to drop it and shut up but its just spurs him on more because its funny to him #and he keeps bringing up other shit like being queer or being trans specifically because he knows its upsetting and its just fucking funny #he loves to say people with weird pronouns and think there's more than two genders should kill themselves because he knows it makes me angr #with him. and he knows im fucking queer. he knows our grandmothers queer. and he still pulls this shit #and i cant say anything because when i do i get a whole lecture about how hes my flesh and blood and i should treat him like such #and im the asshole for suggesting he act like it for once #i love my brother and im proud of his achievements but i cant keep fucking doing this #and i know its my fault because hes a stupid kid and going through typical middle school boy bullshit #and seriously getting hurt by whatever a middle schooler says is downright pathetic #but it fucking hurts to hear someone you held as a baby and defended say people like you should kill themselves #and it hurts to have them fucking push a topic that upsets you for their own amusement #swearing cw #aethers rants #cw vent #personal posts and stuff idk

[goldlightsaber]

the fact that therapy isn’t standardized and therapists sometimes just do their own thing is kinda….fucked up

#like why does one therapist claim ‘oh OCD is genetic and biochemical’ when that’s not even a 100% proven fact #also why do some clinics test you for a disorder while other therapists don’t administer any testing at all…. #like how are you going to know how to treat a person if you don’t know what they have lmao #I’ve had some good/decent therapists but they need to have a better process #like how am I supposed to trust you to treat me if what the NHS website says is different from what you say 🧍‍♂️ #also what I am supposed to do. argue with my therapist and say idk if I agree with him? nah… #anyway #I miss the therapist I had in my undergrad #he was a ‘trust the science/facts’ person thru and thru #text

[genderfluidgothwitch]

Also, I made a realization today. Today was the first time EVER where I have officially been too stoned to watch a horror film

#I love the horror genre and many of my comfort movies are actually horror #namely midsommar bc I grew up in a cult #and it's cathartic in a weird way #anyhow today I had on American horror stories on bc I didn't realize that was a thing until today #and I realized I wanted to watch AHS but I didn't want to commit to a full season when the new one is coming out soon #now I need y'all reading this to understand #I was having that exact thought before I even opened Hulu to hit play #so it felt like Hulu was reading my mind when I saw that in my recommended #started watching from the beginning #and oh my fucking god that two part premiere fucking GOT ME #the nostalgia of revisiting Murder House? Grown up Sierra McCormic (who I hadn't seen on tv since I was a child and ant farm was on) #which of course was it's own wave of nostalgia #all the queerness in it #just literally EVERYTHING ABOUT IT #just like holy fuck I loved it so much #anyways I kept it on for the next two episodes as wel #and after the very end of the third episode I was just like hooooooly shit #and I 100% was like Lex you should stop there you're too high for this #I shouldn't have started the next episode but I did anyways cuz I'm high and lazy (actually lazy this time bc I'm having fun) #(other side note being lazy is literally my treat to myself and I cannot wait to tell my therapist I gave myself a whole day of down time) #(he's gonna be really fucking thrilled tbh)(you like all my parenthetical statements don't y'all) #(it's all the fun of the adhd side train of thought and I bet it's relatable af) #anyways I hope everyone who reads my tags today appreciates them

[dragonlights]

Me: hey mom can you not make your anxieties my problem? I'll encourage you to talk to others and help you reach out however you want, but I can't be the one to help you, it stresses me out and given my childhood it's upsetting.

Mom: doesn't stop, keeps going "what if this happens, what if that happens?"

Me: answers her questions and says "I don't know though, that's just in the hypothetical you came up with" *leaves bc I'm stressed out about having to deal with her anxieties Again*

Mom: keeps! Going! Even when I turn up the TV to drown her out!

Me: can you please stop, it's really upsetting when you violate my boundaries like that.

Mom: what? I was not!

Me: you were! You were yelling so that i-

Mom: I wasn't yelling! You were just across the house so I wanted to make sure you could hear me.

Me: yeah! And you were talking about your anxieties! That I've asked you to not talk about with me!

Mom: I wasn't making it you deal with my anxieties! I'm just loud.

Me: reminds her that she JUST said she was raising her voice so I could hear her while she was talking about her anxieties.

Mom: *babbles in backtracking*

#dragontalk #personal #it's like. oh. am i not patentified mom???? am i not???????? #am I really really not??????? #are you SURE cause apparently you don't even realize when you're still talking to me! #about something I've made it very clear I have no interest in discussing with you! #I'll continue to be your caretaker but like. I'm being paid to help you physically not mentally #the fuckiny website even says you're not being paid to have conversations with your recipient. #so like! STILL doing the job! that I'm being paid for! i just have no more patience for the fucking dynamics of this relationship like #i just want someone who sees me and my needs as a priority. who I actually like and think is neat. and who gets me. #probably too much to ask tbh! but like! I'm so tired! of being second fiddle to everyone! #either treat me like a person At Least or gtfo #I'm not your therapist I'm not your shitty shoulder to cry on I'm not your manic pixie dream nerd I'm not your white mommy I'm NOT #yes this rant expanded from Mother to various people who I've served emotionaly. what of it. i have issues gdi.

[madigoround]

Something happened at work and I don’t even have the words to ramble about how upset I am about it I just feel so defeated and I don’t know what I can even do or why someone in a position of power would choose to do this to someone like as human beings

#I’ll talk about it later but broad strokes my friend who has similar mental health issues as me has been fighting to get disability #accommodations at work that like aren’t even really an ask they’re things that other people are allowed to do without accommodations #the only thing that not everyone is allowed to do is have two telework days a week most everybody gets one and they’re requiring her to take #an all day state psych eval and release all her medical and mental health records to the company and kind of also therefore all other #employment through the state of Virginia because it’s a state job? and she has been diagnosed and getting medical treatment for years her #therapists have been fighting to get her these accommodations and talking with hr and hr and my boss (also her boss) have been saying if she #doesn’t do the evaluation and release all her medical records she’ll be fired and it’s discrimination and she’s planning on quitting before #the eval that they sprung on her for Friday but like this is a job where we defend people with mental health issues and you’re just going to #discriminate against mental health issues within your company? #if they made me do that I would have to quit I’m not going to let Virginia state jobs have access to my mental health records but also it’s #so shitty and it’s coming from HR and our boss so it’s not like she can go to HR about it f #other people in the office knew before me and have done nothing but say oh that sucks #maybe I did have enough words to ramble about it actually my bad #I’m going to cry about it I feel like but it’s not going to help anything and I just want to fix it #this isn’t how you should treat people #it’s disgusting and discriminatory

[featherymainffins]

I am the most normal person alive I lose the ability to handle a relationship as soon as I accidentally become vulnerable.

#therapists 'you seem to have people who would support you if you let them; maybe you should open up to them' #me 'hmmm ok sounds reasonable let's try that' 'chief that was a bad decision i think I'm gonna have to dip forever' #like oh ok turns out that i did not like that. #like no no you don't get it. others are supposed to be vulnerable and I'm supposed to be the rock they can cry on. #that's the way it works. that's the way it's supposed to work. they're supposed to tell me things and im supposed to listen #and/or give advice and/or laugh if they want it to be treated as funny. #but me? im suposed to be hard and impenetrable and razor sharp and rock to support you #I'm supposed to give. I'm the one who gives and you're the one who takes. I'm the one who takes care and others are the ones I'm supposed to #take care of. I'm the support system and you're the grieving. I'm made of metal and you're allowed to be vulnerable #I'm the manic pixie dream girl and you're the everyman. #that's how it is. that's how it has to be how it's supposed to be. #ive discovered that every other possibility feels like claws dragging themselves across my body #they cover me in dirt and mud and make me feel disgusting

[snekdood]

personally yeah i do think its your job to help people if they have no where else to go and you actually know basically exactly what to say or do to help them. withholding that information because you see it as a chore makes you kinda a shitty person and an even worse friend if you're friends.

#whatever happened to helping people in need? #i kinda think yall just hate men lmao and thats all there is to it. #yall will talk endlessly with your hashtag girlies about their problems and help them through it but suddenly its a dude #and you hear your brain repeat 'its not my job to be their therapist' and decide helping them in any capacity isnt your job #well goddamn becky looks like you've lost that dude as a friend lmao if you cant even do basic friendship shit you do w your other friends #gtfoh #ask me how I know this is true. used to have a bestfriend I could talk to about anything. as soon as i transitioned she was way more #dismissive of me and didnt have the patience to hear about my problems. now we're not friends. bc fuck that if you're gonna switch up on #me that quickly lmao. how can you treat me so differently? oh right! its bc you play into the societal belief that giving a fuck about #dudes doesnt actually matter.

[canis-dies]

am i reviewing information or is my memory being bad again

#one of those things where you dont pick up on and process until later but also has it been too long #i dont think the new therapist is as comfortable with treating dissociative disorders DESPITE IT BEING LISTED IN THEIR PROFILE #we got that #:) ....okay! #look. yknow. the one where Oh I Was Not Expecting That One #unfortunately its difficult to get someone for DID specifically #the closest is dd (general) #boy the treatment for dissociative disorders is different #anyways i think i should start looking again #they were at least upfront they didnt specialize in DID but have had clients with it and knows someone that does #ultimately its up to me to decide if theyre a good fit or not... #ugh #anyways their reaction leads me to believe they are less comfortable with this than they let on

[skrunksthatwunk]

been wringing my hands about the concept of family therapy. scary stuff. like maybe it could help and we sure as hell need SOMETHING to change but i think it would be like taking a potato peeler to the soles of my feet

#look it probably works for a lot of ppl but every time i think about it as a solution for my Definitely Needs It family it's like. god no #it probably only works when everyone's willing to change and actually listen to each other #if i did it with my folks im worries they'd quit if they were challenged or talk shit about the therapist/methods afterwards #like im so worried the therapist would take their side and we'd be stuck giving in to them #only now with assurance from an expert that they're always right and we're wrong and ungrateful. not helpful!! negative progress #and if we tried to switch therapists my parents would be like oh you just can't accept responsibility 🙄🙄 #you just wanted someone to tell you you didn't have to try or to coddle you or make us do what you want or whatever #aghhh it's so scary and it's not even on the table. no one wants this but i also think trying to mediate it myself would suck so fuckin bad #aughh. sorry i wanna write about it as like. a tags rant. here goes #my parents don't apologize for shit. ive legit seen it happen once. they justify and backpedal but they never acknowledge their bs #they treat the harm that comes from their methods with a sort of 'well what do you expect me to do about it?! (rhetorical)' vibe #like there is no way to improve. like the ability for parents to fail and be flawed means those things must be accepted uncritically #because they're trying and they have good intentions. but if they really wanted to help as they claim they would be willing to change #if you're trying to help someone and they tell you your actions didn't help or are hurting them you should change your methods so theyre #helped. but they operate on this assumption that their methods should always work and thud if they don't that we're too sensitive #'youre asking for too much' was kind of a major theme in my childhood is what im realizing #instead they justify and focus on intent or their kids' flaws (real or imagined). they want to change the reaction rather than the action #they dont want to help they just want the problem to go away. and quiet kids look like happy kids i guess #thing is i cant even cite that many manipulative things theyve said bc we all go quiet as soon as they use a disapproving tone #like they'll just be like 'skrunks >:/.' and that's it. i cant say anything. i know i wont be listened to and they fucking do it on purpose #theyre kinda shit at defending themselves but i can barely follow their lines of reasoning so it's so fucking hard to argue with them #it's also so unnurturing. why is us being unhappy or uncomfortable smth to blame on our failure n not smth you want to help with? wth #yk the thing about the Shut Down Tone is i recognize and resent it sometimes but it still makes me feel like im not giving them a fair shot #bc i dont even slightly challenge them much (& they dont have to say what they mean for us to cower) i feel like im misreading their tone #that im being too sensitive and thinking theyre being controlling for no reason. like im reading into it too hard and hating them when if i #pushed back they'd freely be good to me and change and be reasonable. but now it's becoming clearer that that's not the case bc they Do Not #and if i mention The Tone theyll just say im overreacting and that it's my fault for not sticking up for myself AGAIN!!!!!! #and it's so frustrating knowing what's going on and still having these doubts. i can't trust my gut or what i hear bc they might be right #they'll straight up lie or change their arguments or their story to get me to submit. am i being gaslit??? wtf #but i trust my (treated worse) brothers' accounts which helps. my parents brag about their parenting skills to us btw ✌️✌️

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

#this is objectively bad advice #don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this #but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries #.... it IS fun #i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him. #bc i used to get SO fucking upset #i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it #and now i just LITERALLY do not engage #instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation #i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection #they like the rush they get from arguing #but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me #so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru #NORMAL CONVERSATION #he doesn't get it yet #i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?'' #'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''