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#oh god the genders unstable
goosewizard · 2 years
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i want to be the hot guy in a black v-neck tshirt. i want to be the seductress at a bar who lures men to private assassinations. i want to be the sweetest cottagecore lesbian you’ve ever seen. i want to be dark and powerful in aura alone. i want to be the sweet boy on the corner who grows his own vegetables and offers them to neighbors. i want to be an abomination. i want to be a mad scientist with a basement lab. i want to be the worst person you’ve ever met. i want to be a forest creature that’s vaguely unsettling. i want to be a robot that just learned to love. i want to be a minecraft mob. i want to be hatsune miku. i want to be a blood sacrifice.
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eesirachs · 1 month
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For a school assignment, I'm assembling an anthology around the theme of queer divinity and desire, but I'm having a hard time finding a fitting essay/article (no access to real academic catalogues :/ ), do you know of any essays around this theme?
below are essays, and then books, on queer theory (in which 'queer' has a different connotation than in regular speech) in the hebrew bible/ancient near east. if there is a particular prophet you want more of, or a particular topic (ištar, or penetration, or appetites), or if you want a pdf of anything, please let me know.
essays: Boer, Roland. “Too Many Dicks at the Writing Desk, or How to Organize a Prophetic Sausage-Fest.” TS 16, no. 1 (2010b): 95–108. Boer, Roland. “Yahweh as Top: A Lost Targum.” In Queer Commentary and the Hebrew Bible, edited by Ken Stone, 75–105. JSOTSup 334. Cleveland, OH: Pilgrim, 2001. Boyarin, Daniel. “Are There Any Jews in ‘The History of Sexuality’?” Journal of the History of Sexuality 5, no. 3 (1995): 333–55. Clines, David J. A. “He-Prophets: Masculinity as a Problem for the Hebrew Prophets and Their Interpreters.” In Sense and Sensitivity: Essays on Reading the Bible in Memory of Robert Carroll, edited by Robert P. Carroll, Alastair G. Hunter, and Philip R. Davies, 311–27. JSOTSup 348. Sheffield: Sheffield Academic Press, 2002. Graybill, Rhiannon. “Yahweh as Maternal Vampire in Second Isaiah: Reading from Violence to Fluid Possibility with Luce Irigaray.” Journal of feminist studies in religion 33, no. 1 (2017): 9–25. Haddox, Susan E. “Engaging Images in the Prophets: Feminist Scholarship on the Book of the Twelve.” In Feminist Interpretation of the Hebrew Bible in Retrospect. 1. Biblical Books, edited by Susanne Scholz, 170–91. RRBS 5. Sheffield: Sheffield Phoenix Press, 2013. Koch, Timothy R. “Cruising as Methodology: Homoeroticism and the Scriptures.” In Queer Commentary and the Hebrew Bible, edited by Ken Stone, 169–80. JSOTSup 334. Cleveland, OH: Pilgrim, 2001. Tigay, Jeffrey. “‘ Heavy of Mouth’ and ‘Heavy of Tongue’: On Moses’ Speech Difficulty.” BASOR, no. 231 (October 1978): 57–67.
books: Ahmed, Sara. Queer Phenomenology: Orientations, Objects, Others. Durham, NC: Duke University Press, 2006. Bauer-Levesque, Angela. Gender in the Book of Jeremiah: A Feminist-Literary Reading. SiBL 5. New York: P. Lang, 1999. Black, Fiona C., and Jennifer L. Koosed, eds. Reading with Feeling : Affect Theory and the Bible. Atlanta, GA: SBL Press, 2019. Brenner, Athalya. The Intercourse of Knowledge: On Gendering Desire and “Sexuality” in the Hebrew Bible. BIS 26. Leiden: Brill, 1997. Camp, Claudia V. Wise, Strange, and Holy: The Strange Woman and the Making of the Bible. JSOTSup 320. Gender, Culture, Theory 9. Sheffield: Sheffield Academic Press, 2000. Chapman, Cynthia R. The Gendered Language of Warfare in the Israelite-Assyrian Encounter. HSM 62. Winona Lake, IN: Eisenbrauns, 2004. Creangă, Ovidiu, ed. Men and Masculinity in the Hebrew Bible and Beyond. BMW 33. Sheffield: Sheffield Phoenix Press, 2010. Eilberg-Schwartz, Howard. God’s Phallus: And Other Problems for Men and Monotheism. Boston: Beacon, 1995. Huber, Lynn R., and Rhiannon Graybill, eds. The Bible, Gender, and Sexuality : Critical Readings. London, UK ; T&T Clark, 2021. Guest, Deryn. When Deborah Met Jael: Lesbian Biblical Hermeneutics. London: SCM, 2005. Graybill, Rhiannon, Meredith Minister, and Beatrice J. W. Lawrence, eds. Rape Culture and Religious Studies : Critical and Pedagogical Engagements. Lanham, Maryland: Lexington Books, 2019. Graybill, Rhiannon. Are We Not Men? : Unstable Masculinity in the Hebrew Prophets. New York, NY: Oxford University Press USA, 2016. Halperin, David J. Seeking Ezekiel: Text and Psychology. University Park: Pennsylvania State University Press, 1993. Jennings, Theodore W. Jacob’s Wound: Homoerotic Narrative in the Literature of Ancient Israel. New York: Continuum, 2005. Macwilliam, Stuart. Queer Theory and the Prophetic Marriage Metaphor in the Hebrew Bible. BibleWorld. Sheffield and Oakville, CT: Equinox, 2011. Maier, Christl. Daughter Zion, Mother Zion: Gender, Space, and the Sacred in Ancient Israel. Minneapolis, MN: Fortress, 2008. Mills, Mary E. Alterity, Pain, and Suffering in Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Ezekiel. LHB/OTS 479. New York: T. & T. Clark, 2007. Stökl, Jonathan, and Corrine L. Carvalho. Prophets Male and Female: Gender and Prophecy in the Hebrew Bible, the Eastern Mediterranean, and the Ancient Near East. AIL 15. Atlanta, GA: SBL, 2013. Stone, Ken. Practicing Safer Texts: Food, Sex and Bible in Queer Perspective. Queering Theology Series. London: T & T Clark International, 2004. Weems, Renita J. Battered Love: Marriage, Sex, and Violence in the Hebrew Prophets. OBT. Minneapolis, MN: Fortress, 1995.
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ebonysplendor · 4 months
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Mine Review📖
TL;DR: Keith is hot, but Damien is hotter. Damien isn't an option, so Keith kidnaps us. Oh, and we have some waffles. Ayyyyye~
!! Heads up! This one isn't free like the others I've reviewed !!
Game Link: https://yamie-es.itch.io/mine-find-the-story
Notable Features: Gender Neutral MC, Self-Insert, Nameable MC, Yandere LI, 18+ game Spiciness: 5/5 -- Literal sex scene. Nothing too crazy, though, but yeah, we get consensually banged LI Red Flags: 2.5/5 -- Has a temper, murdered someone, trauma boy
Wanna know more? Not if you aren't at least 18. Come on, you know the drill with this. Now, if you ARE at least 18, let's stop wasting time and get into it!
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All righty, so, I'm gonna expose myself a little bit here: Visual novels, especially the raunchy ones, are my guilty pleasure.
Granted, I don't go foaming at the mouth for any and every visual novel, but the gods damn it, if I don't go feral when it's about an unstable man with an ungodly obsession for me, and bless it, don't give me the option to buss it wide open for him in the most sinful way...
Anyways, I was telling you that to say that a really close friend of mine was telling me about this game she had gotten off of itch.io and how it said that it was released but didn't "feel" released. Coincidentally, I knew exactly what game she was talking about, but, not even gonna lie, I never actually played it because, I'm a cheap bitch. That being said, when I ran across it, I was like "Mmmm twelve dollas tho...?" and decided to pass on it. The reason I gravitate more towards the free stuff is because:
1. If I hate it, or it ends up being subpar to me, it doesn't feel like a waste 2. It's not like I'll return to it after playing it to completion. At least, not for a long while because it's not a rogue-lite or procedurally generated game or anything like that where the story is ever changing 3. It's honestly habit at this point for me to look for the free stuff and ignore the stuff I have to kick out cash for 4. Like I mentioned, and frankly, the whole of it is, I'm a cheap bitch
But yeah, so my friend essentially let me download it from her account and play it ... I immediately knew what she meant by it said that it was released but it didn't feel released. To answer your unsaid question, yes, I would've been pissed if I had paid for this game.
Now, that's not to say that the game was bad, because it wasn't, but to me, it was not worth $12, even remotely. At max, I'd say it's worth maybe -- and this is a huge maybe -- $5. Let me explain by giving you a synopsis and my thoughts on the game.
As typical, I'll tell you as much about the game as possible without actually ruining the game itself.
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So, boom.
We are a failed literature student. Lol already a rocky start, but anyways, we've always have had this thing with books, but because of circumstances, we can only read as a hobby now. So, as a book lover, where do we go? The bookstore. While in there, we get some help from the guy who works there; his name is Keith, and Keith is kinda cute.
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Like, yeah, eye bag game is strong, but the bags are Gucci so, what the hell, right? Anyways, everybody say "Suh" to the bae. Suh, bae.
Anyways, so Keith asks us out, and we're like "Sure" because we deadass have nothing better to do, and it's lit. He takes us to this cafe, then we have this cute little moment in the park, and he's just being really sweet and spitting his game. Typical date shenanigans.
Keith takes us home, and we go to bed. When we wake up, we have a splitting headache and...ah, hell no.
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This is not our room...
Naturally, we start panicking a little because...what is going on? One minute, everything was normal, and we went to sleep in our bed, the next, we're in some dank room with concrete floors, brick walls, and no windows. Keith then enters stage left.
He's giving us the whole "I'm doing what's best for you" speech that most yanderes give, and we're just like "Lol piss off", and he...actually respects that? Like, yeah, he got really pissed off about it and snatched us up a little, but like...he didn't really get violent. Like, he actually left us alone. I mean, this wasn't actually the best thing either, though, because now we're just left alone to cry and keep thinking about how we're definitely going to die here. Yep, totally pleasant and positive self-talk that isn't going to make us feel even more helpless and hopeless.
Anyways, Keith comes back, what is assumed to be, hours later. He brings us food, specifically waffles, and is essentially apologizing for losing his temper with us. He asks how we are, and we just tell him that we're tired. This time, he doesn't get upset, and he leaves us to "sleep"; in actuality, we just wanted to be left alone with our thoughts again, but we actually do end up falling asleep.
The next day comes along and so does Keith. He basically tells us that he has breakfast set up upstairs and to come join him. Not having much of a choice, we do, and he has a pretty sugary spread with, like, cinnamon rolls, chocolate chip cookies, and this fat jug of orange juice. How does any of this go together? No idea, but we eat, and Keith shows us around the house. We get to his room and...ick.
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In the screenshot, the room is fine, but first off, it smells a lot like the fragrance that we wear, and, apparently, there are pictures of us like...all over his bedroom. Like, if it wasn't obvious from the "all over the bedroom" part, there's so many pictures, it's like, physically uncomfortable. Whatever though, because Keith has a cat, and of course, we had to meet the cat.
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Okay, so I'm going to speed through this a little, so pay attention.
Keith goes to work
We make a gameplan
Gameplan ends up with Keith hurt
We're like "Damn it" because guilt
We help him out
We make "I'm sorry" breakfast for him
Keith goes to work again
He gets us flowers
Keith hits it in missionary
We get cockdrunk (or stockholm, most likely) and tell him that we love him
We walk in on him murdering someone in the middle of the night
What happens next depends on whatever choices we made
The end
LOL WAIT WHAT?
Oop-- sorry, went too far lol. Let me back up a bit.
So, after we buss it open for him and slip up and tell this man that we love him, we fall asleep. We wake up in the middle of the night, but Keith is gone. Instead of just rolling over and going back to sleep or simply waiting for him to come back, for plot purposes, we go investigate in an attempt to find where he went. We walk down the hallway, and....yeah, we just kind've see him going ham on this dead body, and we are greeted with this:
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Oh...oh okay. Well, maybe we can just talk to him. I'm sure he has a perfectly rational reason for trying to dismember someone.
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Or not. The answer is very clearly not.
I can't explain the rest, obviously, because it's going to be super spoiler heavy, and I don't want to ruin it just in case you decide to play the game for yourself. Sorry, but it must be done lol. As the yanderes say: I'm doing what's best for you <3
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The game is pretty decent.
I say decent because, me, personally, whenever something costs money, I automatically put it at a higher standard. Not to mention, the fact that this game costs $12, and it's only "decent" is...not good lol. I also see what my friend meant by it's released, but it doesn't feel like it's released, because...it doesn't. It feels very "in development" or in that "Update 0.7" stage versus an actual complete and polished game.
I'm assuming the dev's first language isn't English, which is fine, of course, but once again, considering that it's a $12 game, there is a lot of grammatical errors and some of the sentences just don't flow. The game is pretty short, and there's only 3 endings, not to mention, it's extremely easy to get those 3 different endings. This is because the game itself isn't choice heavy nor does it provide any scenarios to really make choices for. The options that you pick honestly don't matter until the end when you're trying to escape. That, in itself, is not worth $12 to me.
The other reason why the game was giving "it's released, but it doesn't feel like it", is because of what is on the dev's page. Let me explain.
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So, let's just break it down piece by piece, bullet by bullet.
Nameable, gender neutral protag? Check. Five days? Check. Three endings? Check. Solid start.
Keith Voice. This was implemented. Great, but the VA is only for the first day. For $12, we only get one day voice acted? To me, at minimum, the voice acting should've been scattered throughout the entire game with a voice acted line here and a voice acted line there for emphasis or to set the mood or the tone or whatever.
NSFW Scenes and Options for NSFW scene. Somewhat seen because there was a NSFW scene, and it was marked so you could opt out, if you chose to do so. Now, admittedly, this could be me being an absolute degenerate and/or taking things too literal, but it said NSFW sceneS with an "s" and it said optionS, again, with an "s" -- I was under the assumption that there'd be multiple NSFW scenes; there was only one. Again, at minimum, 2 NSFW scenes for $12.
More mini-games, scenarios, and easter eggs. Guys, I have played this game up, down, left, right, and sideways. I have mixed and matched my responses. One of the mini games they're referring to, that I won't ruin, I did every possible way, but it ends up with the same results, which got confirmed by a comment on the page. As for the scenarios, what scenarios? There were very little choices to make, and the choices that you do make aren't really that hard to make because they very clearly point to a specific ending. I just...guys, for $12...?
Grammar errors. I'm not one to talk because I know that, as a native English speaker, my reviews are all over the place with petty grammar mistakes but .... they might need to revisit this point. It wasn't bad, but there was definitely some awkward sentences here and there and some minor to moderate grammar errors. That being said, quite frankly, the grammar errors being fixed shouldn't have been a future plan. That 1012% should've been a basic requirement and priority before releasing it for twelve dollars. I'm sorry, I know I mentioned the money thing like fifty times, but it's like, if you're going to charge people money, at least do the bare minimum of spell checking, correcting grammar, and having sentences that flow well. I totally understand that people are human and mistakes happen and English isn't everyone's first language ... but you're releasing it for people's money. The economy (in the U.S.) is literal shit, and someone spent $12 on a game where something like fixing grammar errors was an afterthought. That's just ... not okay to me.
Contrary to the bitching criticism, the game really is pretty solid. The concept is there, and I really like the animations that they implemented. Like, during the part that I didn't tell you about because it would've spoiled it, the animation really brought the scene together, and it paired well with the (I guess it could be considered a) mini game. That was honestly my favorite thing about it but...it still is not worth the money to me, at least not $12. $1 - $5? Sure, I could see that, but twelve? That's kind've steep for this game, especially when you don't even know who Damien is unless you go a specific route. Lol, yeah. He was mentioned in the TL;DR but you forgot about him, didn't you? I didn't. He just isn't present in the route that I was telling you about until the end, and he kinda just...randomly shows up. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think he's pretty hot, like look.
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See? Pretty damned attractive dude.
But in that specific route that I walked you through? He's literally just a random dude that we apparently knew for a long time; it just wasn't explained in that particular route. Again, for $12. Yeah, no... I'd give it like $2, maybe $3, but only because the animations were pretty solid, we got to tango in the sheets with Keith, and Damien is pretty damn cute.
Put it this way: Where Winter Crows Go wasn't choice heavy nor had too many choices to make, had few lines voice acted, and didn't have any animations. To me, it was significantly better than this VN, and the suggested price was $6. Again, that game was significantly better, and it was only $6. Technically, it was free! The dev was just suggesting a donation/price of $6. This one is charging $12. Wild.
Anyways, to finally wrap all of this up and to stop bitching about the price of the game, um...I honestly don't recommend it. I know I said I was going to stop bitching about the price, but just one more time! If the game was free, then yeah, I'd say still give it a shot, but unless you have the disposable income or are super unbothered to the point where it's like "Meh, it's only $12. It's okay if it's bad. It's not a big deal", I wouldn't suggest getting this game. I hate to say that it'd be a waste, but...it'd be a waste. The game, to me, is overpriced and is just not worth the money. It's a solid game, and it isn't bad by any means like Killswitch, but I definitely wouldn't have paid money for this.
Okay, for realsies this time, I think I've bitched enough about the price of this game and the quality for said price. If you'd still like to give this game a try, by all means, go for it! I'll even drop the link for the game right here! Drop a comment on the dev's page if you think that I was trippin', and I overly criticized this game! Give them that ever warm "Great job!" and provide them that reassurance to keep making games! Shit, I think they should keep making games, too! Like I said, it wasn't a bad game! Not the best game out there, but definitely not the worst, and I'd 100% recommend it if it was free! The dev definitely has the talent, I just feel that their craft has to be tweaked a bit more before they can charge $12 for it.
Okay, okay, all right, I know, I'm shutting up about the $12 now! I swear! That was the last time!
But kaykay! That's all from me this go around! Remember! Drink water, don't be dumb, and hope to see you around~!
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MINE
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sol-shines · 6 months
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@ your tags PLEASE talk abt your parker designs!!!
this is for you and @dreaming-of-stories-and-stars THANK YOU for enabling me :3 sorry this took a little bit
if you don't know what this is about i drew my takes on the parkers here !
rambles under the cut:
SO what i sorta wanted to do was make. each parker flow into the next while subtly changing in between ,,, something something losing yourself to the game, becoming unrecognizable. so let's cover it parker by parker:
prime: i personally Love the hc that the coin is parker's mom. so prime is a lil ancient roman coded guy. he's SOOOO eldest sibling coded help. like he and his mom have a very strained relationship but also he thinks that if he just does whatever she wants she'll finally be proud of him :P whoops! and yeah v explosive anger (firewalker reference!), leading to ego, leading to. You Know. anyway. oh ALSO the parkers get younger as we progress so :))) they all STARTED at 19 but have varying degrees of age. so prime is in his mid-thirties.
parker ii: AH the most elusive of the parkers. SO: in my personal lore interp, parker ii was created when prime starting to push back against the coin more and more to the point where it was becoming a problem. and prime of course is very destructive and makes a mess when he's angry. so ii came about from me going "...what if parker just. said fuck it and left. didn't give a shit about ego just didn't wanna play the game anymore and found a way out." and that's exactly what my ii did. absolutely fucking vanished and quit the game for good. somehow. which uhhh MIGHT have been what caused prime to go apeshit ("why does ii get to leave and i'm stuck here?") and end prehistory. whoops. so i wanted to make them look very vagabond-y. somehow got even edgier than prime (impressive). also they're abt 30-ish. and have crazy gender stuff going on. possibly transfem. "but how is that possible if you hc the parkers as transmasc-" shhh. i don't know <3
park3r: GOD i loved doing this one. this parker is such a bitch and i love him. the first commissioner parker, created bc "OKAY so we gotta make him more young and impressionable and less unstable AND take him out of this game bc very clearly Bad Things will happen if he stays" so they made. a chronically online teenager and made them commissioner AMDNFM. god yeah i love this design he's sooo. just a 19-year-old trying to fill an impossible role and putting on a cool face about it. tragic, yes. but they're gonna complain the whole time and make everyone else miserable too. fully believe he was just scared and out of his depth the whole trial :( oops why are parkers iii and iiii so sad. i drew him closer to mid-20s here but honestly he could easily be younger
p4rker: LOVE this guy's lore so my hc is that after the trial that killed park3r it was like "uhhhh FUCK we need a new one of those. stat." so. they just. took park3r's incin'd body (ik it's not really Canon that park3r was incin'd he just Died but. let me have this) and like. stitched it back together. so p4rker is covered in burns and stitched together like frankenstein all over, and they just threw a mask on them like "see!!! new guy!!" the result of this being they didn't have. a whole ton of time to add shit like Personality, so p4rker is the outlier in that they're very naive and even polite? they don't understand what all the fuss is about them and just wants to be. nice? shame he didn't stick around long :/ the drippy bits are a little percolation nod! in this particular drawing he's like 20 :(
pvrker is. obviously the least human. park3r was more of a prototype of a commissioner, p4rker was a temporary placeholder at best, pvrker... was well and truly made For The Game. and his appearance reflects that. kinda a combination of iii's bluntness and 4's naivety. in-universe some people think he's the most sinister or whatever bc he's so directly Controlled By ILB Shit and that's not NOT true but like. give him a break guys he's like 6 days old he's new at this :(
ANYWAY that's so long holy shit. here are my rambles i hope u like them. im So Bad at blaseball lore so someone yell at me if something i put in there isn't accurate but. yeag :)
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okay but like genuinely, what makes succession worth watching because from all i see it's just rich people fucking
noooo it’s actually really fucking good and i’ll explain why
Themes. The main theme of the show is the cycle of abuse. The way abuse, grief, and trauma is portrayed is the most realistic depictions i’ve ever seen. The siblings all react to their trauma in different ways causing them to want to “win” the game that their father has created, the game of Succession. Who will live up to what their father wants them to be? What are they willing to sacrifice for that?
The siblings. There are 3 4 siblings (from oldest to youngest (probably): connor, kendall, roman, shiv. I’m gonna do subsections explaining these characters because they deserve it
Connor Roy. Connor Roy was interested in politics from a very young age. Connor is the oldest, he is the most ignored, looked over and dismissed. He has a different mother than the other 3 siblings. He’ll do anything to get his father’s attention going so far as to run for president so that his dad will notice him.
Kendall Roy. Oh god. Kendall is an addict with an unstable personality, but (at the start of the show at least) he is their dad’s favourite. In the first episode he set to inherit the company ie: “win”. His dad then goes back on his promise, blaming his drug problem (he was currently sober, stable and was in rehab for 2 years prior). This starts him on a multiple season long breakdown culminating in a situation where someone ends up dead because of Kendall and his father uses it as blackmail against him. This causes him to spiral even further completely devoting himself to his father.
Roman Roy. Hey hey motherfuckers. He’s my favourite, definitely the most relatable. He’s arguably the most dependant on their father. He blames his trauma solely on himself, idolize his dad and has serious intimacy issues. He is (as far as we know) the only child who ever faced physical abuse from their dad and he downplays his abuse constantly. He hides his trauma with a typical asshole facade, and uses sex jokes as a deflection from the fact that he can’t have sex with anyone.
Shiv (Siobhan) Roy. Can pinky dance? She’s a very controversial character but let’s be honest it’s mostly the sexism and i love her so much. For a large part of season 2 and 3 she was set to inherit the company, so close to “winning” and she would do anything to please her dad (sensing a theme here?). It’s implied she was the golden child, more babied than the rest, a large part due to her gender and her ideas are often ignored. Now, onto her failmarraige with Tom Wambsgans. She is in a toxic relationship with her husband (?) and co-worker Tom. She is clearly abusive, two-faced and uncaring in their relationship a lot of the time (not to say that Tom isn’t but i’m not gonna get into that rn). She cheats on him, reveals this on their wedding day, and they still get married. Tom clearly has no self-respect for himself, especially in the earlier seasons and directs this diminished sense of self worth in his marriage into his new assistant Greg Hirsch, a distant cousin of the Roy family. Tom and Greg end up having a weird ass psychosexual relationship (it’s never explicitly gay just super implied and boy does this show love implying things) while his and Shiv’s marriage is falling apart.
THIS SHOW IS SO GOOD PLEASE WATCH IT I PROMISE YOW WONT REGRET IT
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swiftyangx12 · 1 year
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Usual Night at VP HQ [Valorant SNL Parody #2]
[Synopsis]: Brimstone, Sage, and Viper are trying to subdue Reyna due to her Radianite abilities going haywire. Special guest: a sleep-deprived agent, [Y/N].
Gender Neutral Reader
[A/N]: Me, and my dumb-goofed mind imagining serious characters in silly situations like this. I have been laughing hysterically from this skit since the first time. Also be warned for Reyna’s part where she spoke Spanish as it may not be an accurate response.
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[Intro starts with the VP Headquarters experiencing a rain storm.]
[Infirmary, 12:05 a.m.]
[Reyna has been acting violently while recovering from a previous mission.]
Sage: Viper, can you save her? Can you save Reyna in this condition?
Viper: I can’t. We don’t have enough resources to stabilize her and the next shipment is in the next 24 hours.
Reyna: *Convulsing* You will rot in Hell~ *Blabbering like a demon*
Brimstone: Reyna, hear us now. We know you’re still in there.
[Somebody knocked on the door.]
Sage: Who could be knocking at this hour?
[Door slides open to reveal someone.]
[Y/N]: *Sleep-deprived* Uh, hello? It’s the middle of the night. What is all the ruckus?
Sage: Oh, Viper. This is our recent recruit, Agent [Y/N] or Agent Shaw.
[Y/N]: Yeah, and I “Shaw’ve” been asleep 45 minutes ago. But I guess y’all decided to throw a party on a Tuesday.
Viper: This is not a party, Agent [Y/N].
Brimstone: It’s Reyna. She became unstable after her last mission.
Sage: We’re waiting for more resources to aid her.
[Y/N]: You don’t have to wait to them. I’ll do it.
Brimstone, Sage, & Viper: Do what?
[Y/N]: Stabilizing Reyna. I’m getting my sleep tonight.
Reyna: AAAHHHH!!!!
[Y/N]: BLAAAHHHH!!!! See I can do it too, ‘kay? You don’t scare me, your highness.
Viper: [Y/N], you should be cautious. You’re in it over your head.
[Y/N]: In over my head? I’ll have you know I have been a paramedic in the Detroit area for 5 years before joining the Protocol. That’s thousands of patients. Everyday I am the only thing stopping raging alcoholics from getting sent straight to Hell by a UPS truck. Now where’s the anesthesia?
Viper: *Passes them the syringe*
[Y/N]: Okay hello!
Reyna: *Demon noises*
[Y/N]: Yeah okay. You need to get yourself together, Reyna.
Reyna: *More demon noises*
[Y/N]: Uh uh uh uh! Use your words.
Reyna: Suck my ass!
[Y/N]: No, ma’am, I don’t do all that. I’m in a committed relationship and that’s it.
Sage: Maybe we should wait for the other sources, Agent Shaw.
[Y/N]: Oh no no no no no no. I need to get my eight hours.
[Then Reyna starts levitating up from her bed.]
[Y/N]: Oh. Uh-oh. Wh-Where’s she going?
Reyna: *Aggravated* You’re going to Hell, you stupid whore.
[Y/N]: Stupid what now? Oh honey, you gonna have to do much better than that. Yesterday, a Mirror Neon called me a washed-up nurse. So I shot a bullet straight into her head. What else you got? Come on.
Reyna: You’re an ugly…Uh…Umm…¿Cómo diablos se supone que debo llamarte?
[Y/N]: Umm? Umm? What? Look at you, stuttering. Now sir your ass down before I turn on the ceiling fan.
Reyna: *Levitates down to her bed*
[Y/N]: Mhm! That’s what I thought.
Viper: *Bewildered by everything* I don’t believe this.
Brimstone: Oh my god. Is it working?
[Y/N]: Yeah, it is. That is exactly what I thought.
Reyna: *Exhausted from not turning into a full-on demon* I’m drained…
Viper: She’s exhausted. Quick, we need a soul to feed her.
[Y/N]: Oh, yeah, okay. I gotcha. I got you a soul, all right. *Puts on a call while on speaker* Yoru! Get your ass in the infirmary, Yoru!
Yoru: *Speaking through* Urgh…[Y/N], what do you want? I’m trying to sleep.
[Y/N]: Oh, you’re trying to sleep, but you’re talking? Just bring the hostage to where I’m located at.
[Reyna starts levitating again, causing the others to panic.]
[Y/N]: And Reyna, your ass better not be levitating back there.
Reyna: *Levitates back down* Sorry, Agent Shaw…
[Y/N]: Mhm. Thank you, your highness.
Yoru: *Exits through a rift and gripping on a hostage* Waking my ass up at 9 p.m. in the middle of the night.
[Y/N]: We’re stabilizing Reyna and she needs a soul to feed on, Yoru.
Yoru: Yeah, and I “Shaw’ve” been asleep 47 minutes ago.
[Y/N]: Yeah, we know, babe. Now bring the dirty-ass traitor to Reyna. We already got intel from them.
Brimstone: I didn’t know about the traitor.
Sage: Neither did I.
Yoru: Why would I want to do that?
[Y/N]: Yoru. If you don’t do it, I’ll cancel our “intense Mario Kart date night” next week.
Yoru: *Finally gives in* Fine. You win. *Drags the frightened hostage to Reyna* Do your worst. *Throws the traitor to her and runs back to [Y/N]*
Reyna: *Consumes the soul from the traitor* *GASP!* Dios mio…What just happened? Why are Agent [Y/N] and Yoru in here? “Shawdn’t” they be asleep?
Sage: Oh my goodness. Agent Shaw, we can’t thank you enough.
[Y/N]: Mhm. Yeah. That’s all good. Uh you’ll sleep tight now. Come on, Yoru.
Yoru: You owe me one.
[Y/N]: Don’t worry. I’ll return the “favor.”
[Both Yoru and [Y/N] leave the infirmary.]
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[Reblogs helps creators and creates for more content]
[Tagged]: @hhurric4ne @monin1ca @luckyowl
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redcliffed · 1 year
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You asked for Grelle asks, so I have some!
1. Do you think she regrets killing Ann?
2. What does she think of her job? Does she see it as a means to redemption? Or does she feel trapped and not care, since she’s broken so many rules?
3. What do you think her human life was like? Family dynamics?
BLESS U i love these questions
1. she 1000% regrets killing her and you cannot convince me otherwise. it’s like pulling teeth to get her to admit it but it was such an impulse move that she definitely did not think out and the severity of the literal murder she committed doesn’t hit until after the fact. grell and anne were definitely like…insanely codependent and there’s no way their relationship wasn’t tumultuous and i’ve always hced that grell regularly tries to test the limits by sabotaging the relationship when she’s pissed except OOPS this time she can’t take it back. and she pretends it doesn’t haunt her but it very much does and she misses her so bad and wants to jump off a cliff about it.
2. she deserted the second she saw a hot girl covered in blood to go kill people so she’s definitely not that worried about her immortal soul. i think bc of the fact that she’s trans in the 1800s (a definitively unfun combination) she probably already had brainworms drilled into her head about her existence being sinful or whatever (i’m just assuming she was raised christian cuz like. probably) so when she bites it and is presented with a variation on purgatory and the eventual promise of something vaguely heavenlike she’s just like “hm are we sure about that” which is probably part of her willingness to say fuck it and commit atrocities. there’s also the existential terror of it all cuz like killing yourself and then being immortal is a Bad Predicament and worse when u add the trans layer and that probably contributed to her general attitude and probably made her not very fond of the divine powers that be. so i feel like her mindset is kinda just “idk if i wanna go to heaven this god guy kinda sucks.” so yeah she just sucks up work to pay her divine rent and also cuz the immortality thing makes her able to express herself but the actual redemptive point of reapering is not something that she cares about that much and she kinda thinks she might be a lost cause at this point. it’s just a job to her.
3. *cracks knuckles* oh i could talk about this FOREVERRRR my backstory for her is so fucking detailed for no reason. but yeah her human life SUCKED! it sucked real bad. she was a sad little pushover with an abusive dad and a mom who Did Not Want Her and she lived with them until she died. she was a Problem Child and she kinda just retreated into herself the older she got bc she was trying to not get abused about it. she has def always been deeply unstable and that was noticeable to the people around her (including her parents who Did Not Like That and were generally ashamed of her) and bc of that she was a very lonely person.
her dad was a bookbinder (according to my notes app. i think i looked up like middle class jobs 1810s or something but if that’s inaccurate just replace it with like a standard middle class job. point is her family was normal and boring financially). her mom was significantly younger than her dad and did not want to be married to him but was essentially baby trapped and grell faced the brunt of that resentment. very bad household to exist in general but especially when u are a deeply mentally ill queer child. they were also religious which is just another fun layer bc i like projecting my horrible experiences onto my blorbos. but yeah grell grew up in that hellish house and never got out. she wanted to pursue acting but it never went anywhere. she had a brief on and off fling with a guy in her early 20s but she was uncomfortable for gender reasons she could not verbalize so she basically sabotaged the shit out of it. she stuck it out until she was 27 but after years of literally nothing good or interesting happening ever and her just constantly feeling miserable and like peeling off her own skin she reached a breaking point and boom now she is immortal. would go into more detail but i’m too lazy to do the historical research rn lmao
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caffeineandkerosene · 2 months
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God so I recently started playing sweet pool which I am like. Not the target demographic for lmao, I honestly just came for the cannibalism/autocannibalism ending because while the other topics in the game aren't like, squicks for me they're also not really my thing but then. Oh my god. I was absolutely NOT fucking expecting to latch on to Zenya so hard, like, fuck. I have not related to/resonated with a character to an extent as far as this since I was a teen playing the first ever VN I got my hands on, like. Oh my god.
Essay under the cut because if I don't get my thoughts out I'm going to Explode:
Zenya is a really interesting contrast to Tetsuo, because while Tetsuo's abuse has in no way left him a normal/healthy human being, he is at least functional. Tetsuo is an exceptional student with "a rotation of girlfriends" and is shown multiple times to behave responsibly (remembering trash duty, not wanting to waste food, feeding the stray cat etc.)
But what Zenya's father did to him left Zenya permanently fucked up physically, mentally, and emotionally. Zenya's behavior is so erratic and unstable, he has no friends in school and everyone talks shit about him lmao. He has such obvious trust issues; while it's clear he does care about Kitani, he is convinced Kitani only puts up with his bullshit due to his loyalty to his father and by extension himself.
The shit with Zenya's family has completely isolated him from the rest of the world. Normal people literally can not understand what Zenya is going through, so why even bother? Zenya hates his father for what he did to him; he lashes out, he's moody, he literally can not control his emotions because of the sickness he's been infected with. And yet he still wants love, he still wants to become the functional Male his father wanted (with Zenya's endings he is either going to produce lots of "babies" with Youji or die cradling his intestines imagining they're the children he was supposed to produce).
We can assume based off the lyrics to Zenya's character song that he is extremely lonely (which is also kind of just. obvious given his situation and isolation) but his situation and circumstances make it impossible for him to reach out on a deep level to anyone with the exception of Youji. And oh my fucking god, VLG ending is what made me go fucking feral so let's talk about that.
Zenya is literally shown to be capable of having Kitani kidnap Youji and Tetsuo. AT ANY POINT IN THE GAME, Zenya could have made Kitani kidnap Youji to keep as his sex slave.
But he doesn't. Ever do that.
Zenya will only take Youji if he is gullible enough to fall for his trick. It's so glaringly obvious that Youji shouldn't trust Zenya that I genuinely could not find anything online of people talking about Zenya's ending being the first ending they got (Makoto's seems to be the most popular for people not using guides) even though Zenya's ending is the first chronologically. Zenya only takes Youji as his if he's gullible enough to follow him like a lamb to the slaughter.
Feeling like the only way someone can love you is through violence and control has been hardwired into Zenya's brain (tbh it was to me too through my abusive family though I'm lucky enough to be away from that and in a stable enough position to be able to work on actively unlearning that). Zenya's ending just fucking hit me like a semi truck because I can see how if I had been genuinely permanently trapped in my terrible situation like he is I could have ended up doing something similar. It's fucking chilling.
Literally everything I've talked about so far is already Real As Fuck for my problems specifically but then even Zenya's relationship with gender is similar to mine like oh my god. Zenya is a defective Male and it's hurt him so fucking deeply. Of course he resents perfect Male Tetsuo who easily gets everything that's been ripped away from him, god Zenya's jealousy is written so well. But the fucking awesome thing about Zenya is how he doesn't try to overcompensate masculinity like one might expect him to with a life like that-- Zenya doesn't use his trauma with masculinity as an excuse to resent all things feminine, but the exact opposite. Zenya leans into his nurturing side-- even in his ending where he literally keeps Youji as his sex/breeding slave he talks about how he wants to take care of him, how he wants to bathe with him and eat with him like. Did Tetsuo do ANYTHING remotely similar in the numerous times he raped Youji?? Literally one of the last parts of VLG is Zenya getting Youji clothes to match his beloved Kristi, Kristi whom he loves and does his best to nurture and take care for throughout the entire game, even making plans for how Kristi will be cared for after his inevitable death in the more "canon" endings. I tend not to headcanon gender and sexuality stuff on characters so I'm not going to theorize about what labels Zenya could be but I just want to say, as a bigender person I've never ever had a character I felt represented how I feel about myself and gender fuckery like with Zenya.
Just. God. I could talk even more about Zenya's reactions to canon events + his feelings about the religion and his chances of being saved but I don't think I have any coherency left at this point lmao. I relate to Zenya so fucking hard it kind of hurts, all of his traits are just so fucking real to me. As someone with such deep-running problems that impair my ability to function and react appropriately to stimuli I just honestly haven't seen a character I could relate to this deeply.
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mushroom-for-art · 8 months
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Height tracking lore stuff
Axel - 9'6"~ - due to his unstable genetics from having human genes forcefully spliced into his mew genes a lot of his genetic formation information got screwed resulting in his current mewtwo appearance for one taller humanoid-ish and such unfortunately in the mess of his genes trying to stabilise from the new information and damages the gene for growth in all areas height bone growth muscle growth ect got left on, and by the time Axel even remembered/figured out how to manipulate his own genetic coding to turn those genes off and stabilise himself he was already massively tall and he absolutely hates it. He wishes he was 6 foot odd, the tall hurts both in memory of his past self and also oh god being this tall is suffering, especially when you've got metal armor screwed into your bones causing probably bone fractures and splintering as you grow and the metal fixings don't. Having a horrible time, he's gonna maim me just stupid big mewtwo who wishes he wasn't stupid big
Prototype - 8'8" - it's just a nice number to me fam lmao and also with the slight damages to his dna from being a clone of axel he loses some height and his genes were probably fixed during development to cap his height before he entered the suffering giant height range
Scribe - 7' - due to the Smeargle genes his height got cut otherwise he would've been a similar height to his brother, he is very embarrassed and angry that he's shorter than some of the later generation mewtwo
Dusty - 8' - as an adult he's only a few inches of his papa! Prototype would be so proud of him, not many clever thoughts here just liked him being the same height as Imp
May - 5'4" - #sorry, no height for u it's too iconic your short ass is too iconic May and canonically you are literally stunted because of the tainted with synergy mega stone implanted in development you're physically and power wise stunted I'm afraid assigned runt of genetic litter
Darkness - 7'6" - height restored, this girl has been hassling me for AGES for extra height when she realised 6'9" is probably not actually that big for a mewtwo, like way back since March I think? She realised she was not the big mean bitch she thought she was and she wasn't having it XD so she finally successfully bullied me into giving her extra height and she's quite happy knowing even with Mays souped up Mega evo that adds 2 foot she's still taller than her sister normally
Matt: 6'2" - he came into my office and also bullied me into giving him height, pointing out rightfully that Mays stunted height isn't genetic but was purely environmental soooo he still has the potential to be tol and also lore wise he wasn't immediately terminated for his missing limbs as he was going to be spare parts but if he was only 5'9" his organs would probably be smaller than a normal twos and this kinda shitty spares so he gets height and it also provided him with gender euphoria but in exchange he is losing a kidney reduced to one slightly bigger than average one and losing some eyesight benefits because nope you need more issues from genetic degregation and hes losing his implanted mega stone he's getting a mega stone accessory later in exchange. He tries to get pushed to 6'4" but after being told I'd make him only 6' he shut up
Imp: 8' - big girl!!!! When she first comes out she's fully developed mentally and her body is fully developed organs reproductive system ect but she was intentionally kept in a more cramped tube and kept on strict nutrition which means when she first emerged she was only about 6'3 still rather big but kept smaller easy to handle than say Prototype or Scribe, after she escaping and getting to eat as much as she wanted and not being hungry and having actual space to exist her more prominent fossil mew genes went 'hello!!' and her growing hormones reactivated to let her become her full potential in height and body so she's probably a bit stockier as well that her first image having gained them muscles too
AI: 7'5" - unlike her parents AI is intentionally given access to foods to grow big and strong as an adult (as a teen she's likely about 6'7") with the intent of having her body incubate larger stronger mewtwo offspring that could be transferred to growing tanks or raised, the theory being bigger body bigger womb and growing space and while technically true with Imp having the size and capability to potentially produce a large egg (due to having more other pokemon genes) and MIA likely able to produce a large baby if she desired one AI will obviously be removed from there before they can use her
MIA: 7'9" - being out on the battle fields a lot MIA had room to keep growing and would scavenge food whenever she could devouring down berries and even other pokemon meaning she grew much like her mother had despite the facility trying to restrict her. Also MIA may have been made using Axels dna as well as Imps explaining the coloration change from creams to more purples and the persistence of tall genetics despite them being restricted, this also potentially explains the then jump from purples and pinks to Blue with AI as Axel is a holder of blue gene tho this is usually as a stripe something in Imp/MIAs genes likely had blue stripe gene turned on all the way making it blue fill, this makes MIA Axels daughter as well as Imps.
Important note: Imp and Axel share no genetic relation from their mew donors or human gene donors, though later they may refer to each other as Cousins which will then become siblings as Imp longs for familial connection with anyone like her and Axel can see she needs that and isn't gonna be a "well actually," jerk to her about it. He sees no harm in saying they're family even if by all means they're not. When they find out about MIAs existence and shared genetic relation to them both neither of them see it as weird cause they know there's no relation, despite the hatred of his kin Axel is probably a bit more open to acting as father with MIA (until he realises she doesn't want that in which cause he quickly steps off). So don't be weird about it alright
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beatrice-murray · 11 months
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Age: 35 Gender: woman Sexuality: straight/demisexual Birthplace: Huntington, WV Location pre-outbreak: Toledo, OH Town job: seamstress/weaver/spinster Previous job: museum curator Personality traits: resourceful, FUNNY, nihilist (but in the "if nothing means anything, everything can mean everything" way), bookish, tactile, problem-solver
Born in West Virginia and raised in whatever library history book she had on loan at the time, Bea (short for Beatrice) made quite a lot from very little. Resourcefulness kept her fed and entertained growing up when it was only her and her mom. But she rarely wanted for much—except top-of-the-line school supplies. She was reared--with the help of Patsy, Dolly, and Tanya--by a line of "white trash" matriarchs that had all been naive enough to fall in love with drunks, but wise enough to listen when a person told them who they were. Her great grandmother raised six children alone. Her grandmother raised two girls alone. Her mother raised her alone. And so help her god, the cycle would end there.
She wasn’t ashamed of the women she came from--far from it. But the thought of living the same life they led felt like dress-up.
So she studied her ass off. Moved across the country a few different times, following the research. And after a lot of meandering, she landed in Toledo, Ohio. A museum curator. Director of Programs for the Textile Society of America. A big fish in her niche little pond.
She met a gentle, handsome man who never cared for drinking (Rafael), adopted a sweet dog (Trav), and moved into as swanky an apartment as a midsize metropolitan city could offer. Her many mothers cheered her on, even as they stopped recognizing the shape of her. But there were no hard feelings. Only the bittersweet tugging stretch of growing.
And then the world…well…
She got early warning from a well-to-do patron at work who had connections in DC. So she was able to head out of the city with Rafael and Trav before the full outbreak trapped them. They managed to hunker down with a group that put down roots in Put-In Bay. It was safe enough, but unstable. Hunting, scavenging, short-term survival. Day-to-day for nearly 2 years. But after a security breach ravaged the community, they headed south to find Bea’s mom. They made it to her hometown. They found the shell of her childhood home. And if she’d just admitted to herself that there was no one left to find, maybe Rafael wouldn’t have been bitten.
Grieving and lost in every conceivable way, Bea set out on foot, dog in-tow, to find the one nearby spot she remembered that might have survived—Redwood. Her best friend growing up had connections to Beckett Farms and they’d vacationed there on summer break a few times.
She’s been a resident for the last six months, set up in a small trailer on the farm property. It started as the textile studio she slapped together to tackle the task of clothing the community long-term. But after sleeping there more nights than not, she moved in full time. If nothing else, its nice to have nearby access to the small flock of sheep that she’s determined to make use of. And Trav makes a fine shepherd.
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izroulia · 10 months
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Izroulia bonus chapter
This is a little bonus backstory that I couldn’t really fit into the actual book. It goes a little deeper into Aries’ parents and Momo.
July 1st 1990
“Lana shut the fuck up, are you kidding?”
“Nope! I’m pregnant, MOMO I’M HAVING A BABY!”
Screaming in joy, the best friends leapt into each other’s arms and squeezed each other in a tight hug. Lana wasn’t exactly actively trying for a baby, but she and Cynthus had decided that if it happened, then it happened and they’d roll with it. But something about it actually happening made it seem so much more exiting and joyful. It was much too early to tell the sex of the baby, but Lana didn’t care what her kid was. She just wanted a healthy and happy child.
“I better get to be the cool god mother” Momo said.
“Duh, that’s why I’m here. To tell you you’re going to be the godmother. If for some reason me and Cynth are out of action you’re the next of kin” Lana replied.
“That I can do. Holy shit Lana you’re having a freaking KID!”
“I KNOW!”
The siren was already thinking of names, nursery ideas, looking for patterns to make baby clothes. And her fiancé was already out getting wood to make a custom crib with. They were thinking a sailor themed nursery, perfect fit for a siren. So a crib shaped like a little boat? That’s be the cutest thing ever.
“Did Cynthus have a heart attack?” Momo snickered.
“In a good way yes, you should have seen that absolute baby. Literally sobbing he was so exited” Lana replied.
“Seems like deep down he really did want that baby”
“I think he did, hey got his wish. 10 weeks in”
Momo still wasn’t in a relationship, and she didn’t really feel the need for one right now. Not when she was going to be on full time baby helping for her two best friends soon anyway. She was overjoyed for them, she’d known Lana since highschool and Cynthus joined the group only about a year later. They’d all be so close, Momo didn’t mind being the third wheel because they all got along so well and were genuinely such deep friends.
“Any names or too early?” Momo asked.
“A few. Rhiannon, Tessa, Lux for a girl. Maybe Lucian or Atantic for a boy. But honestly I have a soft spot for gender neutral names” Lana explained.
“You know how they say mothers can tell the gender before the baby is born? Maybe that’s why. Maybe they’ll end up both” Momo joked.
Oh how ironic that joke would end up in the years to come…
“Haha, maybe. I don’t really have any guy feelings but then again, it’s early. But for androgynous names there’s Fawn… or maybe Aries” Lana said.
“Ooh Aries is good” Momo replied.
“Cynthus did the math, they’ll be born in Aries season so he thought it’d be a good candidate”
“It is, I say Aries. Or maybe Rhiannon if it’s a girl”
There was so much to do. Get all the supplies, tell the family, pick a name, go to all the check ups, build the nursery… but even with all the work and pregnancy symptoms to deal with. Lana was still practically jumping out of her skin. She was going to be a mother, and the father was the love of her life. And the godmother? Her best friend. She felt like absolutely nothing could stop her, being her down or wipe away her smile.
July 1st 1991
“Everything is in the crib, we didn’t have much time so it’s a bit if a mess. But it’s all there… everything you need to raise a baby” Cynthus said, a numbness in his voice.
“Cynth there has to be someth-“ Momo said.
“There isn’t… it’s too dangerous to take a newborn through a portal. Let alone an unstable one. If things work we will be back… promise”
Momo looks over at Lana, clutching the sleeping baby to her chest, sobbing her eyes out. It’d only been 4 months. 4 months with her baby, and now she has no choice but to say goodbye. She knew Momo would take care of her child, but she’d gone through 9 months of pregnancy and excitement waiting for the day she got to meet her baby. And after all that… only 4 months together.
But she had no choice. At the rate Merfolk wee being killed, it was either run or die. And a newborn just can’t go through an unstable portal… it’d kill them instantly.
Cynthus turned to his fiancé, tears in his eyes as he pulled her and his baby into a hug. He wanted to scream, but he tried to keep it together for Lanas sake. He placed a kiss on the babies cheek, threatening to break down.
“Daddy will be back ok? I promise…” he said.
Lana took a breath, she look one more look at her baby and kissed their forehead.
“Be good for mama Momo ok? I love you guppy, I’ll come back one day. I promise” she sniffled.
With tears in her eyes, Momo took the sleeping child, and pleaded with her gaze at her best friends to stay. She knew they couldn’t, but she wanted them to stay so bad. If Agnemetra didn’t cease the throne… this never would have happened.
“Momo, I love you. Take care of my baby” Lana said.
“I will… I promise” Momo replied.
The group hugged one last time, and hardly able to keep it together Lana and Cynthus got into their car and pulled out of the driveway to the portal centre. Hoping that if they were lucky, they could get out with their lives.
Momo took the baby inside, on the table was a basket of supplies. Bottles, clothes, formula, pacifiers. Next to the table the handmade crib with the rest of the supplies. She needed to set up, she had a baby to care for now.
She wrapped the child up in a sling, so she could keep them close and move stuff around at the same time. She packed all the supplies into her cupboards, and pushed the crib into her room next to her bed. She set up the mobile of sea creates she gifted to the parents at the baby shower, put the blankets with little fish and anchors on it over the mattress. And she placed the sleeping baby in their crib.
They had Lana’s black hair, Cynthus pale skin and blue eyes. A true mix of their parents. All warm and cosy in a knitted onesie, something Lana made while she was in the late stages of pregnancy and couldn’t move around as easy. Hanging off the railing of the crib was a necklace chain that held the family signet ring for the child to wear when they were older.
The boat shaped crib was pained red and navy, had a little life raft and sail on it. Where the name of the boat would be, was the name of the child.
Aries Nautica.
Momo sat on her bed, looking down at the baby who was completely unaware the danger they were in and how painful this was for their parents. Momo had a sinking feeling she may never see her best friends again, and now she had to take care of their child.
Aries would always be Lana and Cynthus’ child. But right now… Aries was her child too.
Aries was the only thing she’d have left of Lana and Cynthus… and every day they were alive in Izroulia, their life was in danger because they were born to two sirens.
Momo sighed, and everything just broke.
All she could do was cry.
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heather-ouo · 2 years
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Last minute 
Khalique x Gender neutral! reader
:)
Things to remind
(Y/n) - your name
(H/c) - hair color
Khalique - my oc
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Masterlist
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“ Remember me now, time cannot erase. I can hear your whispers in my mind~ ”
“ Khalique.. ”
“ Hm? ” The white haired looks at you.
“ Why.. do you always sing the same songs over and over again? ”
“ . . . Making it part of your muscle memory. ”
Making it part of your muscle memory.. that line always confuses you, whenever the tension gets quiet between you two, Khalique starts to sing the same song to ease the quietness.
“ I've become what you cannot embrace. Our memory will be my lullaby.. ” she holds out her arms as a bright red Eagle size bird flies towards the duo.
* screech *
“ Hello to you too, Phoenix.” The girl smiles, Phoenix lean down a little and boop her nose with his maxilla.
“ I wanna try that too! ” 
“ Hold out your arm. ” The (h/c) quickly holds out their left arm and Khalique tips her head and hints the bird to stand on your arm.
You watch Phoenix jump from Khalique’s arm to yours and you can't help but to awe at this scene. A real life undead creature! Standing on your arm!
“ Did you raise Phoenix when it was an egg or? ” 
“ I made him. ” you start to get confused, truth to be told you never got clear information about her ability as a Herrscher.
“ You forgot what my title is? ”
“ Ehhhh?! Creating live things is also part of your ability?! ” the (h/c) can’t help shouting out loud, giving Phoenix an unstable platform so he quickly jumps to the handrail that’s beside the duo.
“ Living beings come naturally from the first humans made by gods as for the ones who secretly create lives will pay a price for a soul to reside in the shell. ” Khalique points her index finger at Phoenix's chest.
“ His price was a massive amount of Honkai and Gem of Haste. ”  A red gem appears before the bird’s chest.
“ Can you tell me about how you made him? Pretty please?~ ” 
“ Not until I die~ ”
“ Come one Kha! Let me Kno……..
. . .
 . .
  .
“ Khalique wakey wakey… ” you pats Khalique’s face 
The (h/c) never thought that this day would come so soon… the scene they fear the most. With fainted Khalique covered in her own blood in their arms, Phoenix, who covers the duo with his original body size, lays beside them low screeching in pain.
It happens so soon after everyone and you defeat The Last Herrscher, people cheer around but are interrupted with Khalique’s bloody screaming as she shouts everyone to get away from her.
You try to go near her only resulting in Phoenix who quickly takes you away backing up a long distance between Khalique and you with the survivors.
Massive golden chains swam up from the ground ties around the girl which she broke the moment it wrapped around her, everyone prepared themself for the upcoming attack and you? 
You are scared, Khalique told you about this before, she was forbidden to help the current era’s humanity in exchange for a human vessel to live on Earth, if she ever helped humanity again.
After humanity defeats The End. 
Khalique will be the last one who is forced to destroy every bit of Earth.
“ FRONTLINE FALL BACK! ” Durandal yelled while riding on her way to the Valkyries that's in danger.
Few small explosions can be heard with a few Valkyrie screaming in pain, a Golden round force-field spread out, causing some Valkyrie who brings The HW reader with them and are inside the force field to explode.
“ ALL THE READERS HAVE EXPLODED! ” One of the Valkyrie shouted as they run back.
Chaos. 
Pure Hell.
And someone’s manic laughing followed with the sound of chains slamming the ground.
All you can do is stand there and watch the hell unfold before you. Suddenly you spotted a figure who broke their way through crowds of Valkyries as someone yelled your name.
It was her price to pay.
And now she is paying for the rule she broke.
Moving like a loosen puppet.  
Oh.. who’s she kidding? Khalique doesn't have control of her body. Killing every life sign is her main priority, yet that one (h/c) with a gigantic red bird stands out in the battlefield.
Who are they..? Why.. are they giving off a familiar feeling to her? And why does… she want to rush to their side? Endless questions of your flow through her mind while Khalique body unconsciously ran to your direction.
The herrscher stops in front of the (h/c), it pains you to see Khalique’s dull golden eyes and wounded hand dripping golden blood on the dirt.
She raised her right hand up then…
A Greatsword suddenly cut off her hand, Blood splatter on your face and Phoenix feather. The person grabs Khalique's remaining hand and throws her away to get some distance from each other.
“ (y/n)! Are you alright? ” the person- no.. Kiana turns a little to see you are okay then turns back to face Khalique.
The herrscher is surrounded by remaining Valkyries with their weapon ready to attack, and Kiana makes her first move.
“ Flamethrowing sword! ” Kiana swings her flame sword at the Herrscher.
“ Mimicry : [ Shield ] ” 
Droplets of golden liquid from the ground and Khalique’s hand(s?) start to form into a Shield, despite its made of blood but nevertheless it works like a real shield.
* CLANG!! *
“ !!! ” 
The intense vibration from the sword slam against the Shield causes Kiana to drop it. 
“ Mim..icry : {/ key of ca..stigation \}. ”
 As the Katana forms in the Herrscher hand, waves of attacks thrown by the Valkyries send her flying into a broken down building.
“ Moonlight Throne… ” the (h/c) mumbled.
You can't help to see the force-field spreading out at a fantastic speed, Valkyries who happen to stay in the field within a few minutes turn into zombies.
“ Kiana! Notice Principal Theresa we need The Moonlight Throne! ” you shouted.
Kiana nodded and immediately summoned a portal then disappeared to the other side.
  . . .( gonna skip it, if i write more. 
   . .
    .  It’s gonna spoil my honkai storyline ending part )
It..
Turns out the one who’s controlling Khalique’s body was The Honkai God.. she still has her consciousness attached but is empty.
Phoenix almost lost his form during the fight, surprisingly he didn’t turn into a mindless beast the moment The core was extracted from him, nevertheless it also weakened him.
How long has the time passed by? 
Few minutes? 
Hours? 
You held Khalique’s shattered core close to you, its usual warmth gone, replaced with icy cold and leftover blood when the (h/c) violently grabbed the core out of her body.
When Durandal uses the Abyss Flower on Khalique, nothing happens other than her wounds start to get worse. At least she is awake
All the Honkai… are gone.
The Bringer of all start and the end…
Is gone.
And the price?
A Created Life for all.
You only can watch in despair as Khalique’s body slowly breaks down into ashes despite leading all the Honkai energy you have in your body to her.
Khalique gently grabs your hand and a familiar lyrics enters your mind.
“ W..ait a second, let me catch my breath.. ” She then cups your face, she is warm.. but not for long.
“ Remind me how it feels to hear your voice….” 
“ Khalique…. ” 
Khalique opens her eyes a little, knowing the ending like this but… she wants to hear your voice one last time… busted eardrums didn’t not help at all.
“ Your lips are moving,… I can't hear a thing. ”
“ Livin’ life as if we had a choice…” 
“ ..Don’t miss me too much, okay? ” 
“ I guess.. I can.. ” you see Khalique's confused face and realize she can't hear you.
The (h/c) quickly form a smile on their face for the white haired girl to know they understand. Khalique smiles back in return as the ashes reach her head.
“ Humanity.. has won. ”
In your arms is replace with bouquet of Spider lilys and few Gentians mixed in and her Core lays in the middle.
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Masterlist
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Search up the flowers :)
And sorry for long wait
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Tag list ( permission asked :D )
@azukaa
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john-barkston · 1 year
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Me venting about life:
you know i don't consider myself queer even tho I am Aro / Ace and can find either gender attractive. I have short "boy" hair because I think it finally makes me look like /me/. I am comfortable in my body. I don't believe in marriage or having kids. I don't believe in god. I think religion (yes all of them) is a poison. It took me until my late 20s to realize this about myself. And ever since I've never felt like I couldn't be this person except I am heavily reminded every time I talk to my mom, that she wouldn't like who I am....or at least who I am would devastate her to the point of physical heartbreak.
There's a loooot of family drama going on in the background right now and long story short, im the only person my mom feels comfortable unloading to. which is fine. my dad is dead. her parents are dead. her siblings are insane so not a lot of options, oh, problem, shes also mega christian and she still thinks (or at least hasn't told me otherwise) I am also some what christian. She weeps to me, tells me she doesn't think she can go on like this, how she is hurt by my brother's actions. And I get it. It sucks. It seems like her own son doesn't want to be around her / wants to keep the grand kids from her. There's a lot to unpack about his marriage but we won't go into that either. but I can only offer her an ear. I cannot give advice. The advice I would give would be too harsh, or in the case of GO TO A FUCKING THERAPIST, too secular or something. She never really believed in therapy even though she desperately needs one. (There is A LOT more to this i am not sharing but i promise i am not trying to make this about myself lol even tho it ends up about me T v T ah)
anyway......drama aside She continues the conversation and makes a silly little comment about a conversation she had with my childhood bestfriend's mom about why neither of us are married. (its a joke about how we were scarred for life from a heinous and impromptu "sex ed" bible study thing at an event we went to. We were in 6th grade and they had the whole "you're gonna die and go to hell and get stds and here's some nasty pictures on a fucking projection screen." She tells me how mad I was about it, and how it upset my friend so much. And how they can laugh about it now but obviously it was upsetting and uncalled for. -the did not know it was happening btw. gotta love church events just doing whatever they want in the name of god) This may be a joke, but I know she thinks something wrong must have happened for me to not be married and have kids. She blames her bad relationship with my dad. She blames silly things like this. She blames ....well idk what else, but she's never stopped to consider I don't want that life, because hmmm I just don't!
ugh anyway I lost my steam....point is, I can never be true to my mom. She is way too emotionally unstable for me to come out with it. I want to. I want to be me. I see my friends getting to be themselves around their parents, talking about queer shit, just being human, but i'm always keeping my mouth shut or dodging conversations with my mom, and of course I will always be there for her because I love her but, man, it's rough. I am so sorry for everyone who has ever had to keep their true selves from their family. AND I DON"T EVEN HAVE IT BAD LOL. I am the most vanilla queer you can be.....but man even then....
thank you for coming to my ted talk. it is very lame that this tumblr post is my vent blog L O L but oh well. typing it out helped and publishing it makes it go out into the void and away from me so yeah.....= v = bye.
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(@commanderhorncleaver) Number 15 for everybody uwu
EVERYBODY??? zthats like 50 people. more i think. okay. get ready. some of these characters im gonna name tumblr hasnt even seen yet.
How Gay Are They?
im going by age of the character btw. lets fucking go.
Azura: gay :) so gay that she gave her lover her only weapon so that she could protect herself
Dio: hey thats me!! it's a lesbian :) super gay
Sophia: lesbian in the magical girl way
Mina: normal (aroace) but their best friend is gay :)
Carry: heterosexual
Léa: PROBLEMATIC BISEXUAL
Brum: gay for every gender :)
Jue: also a problematic bisexual but with more glitter
Lysania: unproblematic bisexual :) gay as in happy :)
Violett: WOMEN WANT XEM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Naymarin: GAY FROM BEFORE THEY WERE BORN. so gay. met his gf in the dream. lesbianism in her veins.
Aurora: she doenst have much time to be gay but if she gets her hands on the gay feelings then thousands of people will die :)
Raja: normal amount of gay. pretty regular.
Mirella: SOOOOOOOOO GAY. gets hit in the face with the lesbianism.
Dergroße Winschenzo: there is no word that could hold the power of dergroße winschenzos love. he is all.
Temmie: hardcore femme lesbian. full of GAY!!! and also evil sometimes
Lilly: i dont know :)
Rosalind: bisexual lighting when she was born.
Dean: gay and likes it when men are very mean to him
Corra: very gay but forgets it sometimes because the love she has for the eternal alchemy is stronger than any attraction.
Lucius: 11/10 on the gay scale and it should scare you
Vita: if gay means happy then she is the gayest :) if gay means liking women then thats also correct
Ophelia: she has no time being gay shes too busy being scared
Tora: i think a pretty normal amount of gay. i think rather regular. i think normal.
Rebekka: gay but in a very secretive evil but halfway through redemption kind of way
Eryn: the only thing they attract is unstable fractals :) theres no gay
Narcissa: i am too scared to ask but that old evil face sure looks gay
Jisoo: lesbiab :)
Iira: gay and would commit warcrimes for its lover. (has no lover but wants one so she can commit warcrimes for them)
Ninyann: what is a gay :) doesnt know anything sorry
Indigo: gay and embarassingly so. hey stop looking at jisoo there is a bear mauling you. hey. he
Alastor: proper amount of gay. may not have realised it yet.
Frost: frost is the representation of (one of) my genders so i think they should be the same amount of gay as me. i think theyre gay in the way being a pretty guy in a wedding dress with frost bite is gay. gay in the way finding you best friend dead in a field of pansies covered with purple blood and vines piercing their heart is gay. i th
Dazii: makes bombs. i think thats pretty gay
Astrid: god created bisexuality for her
Yoonsu: fighting his demons (homosexuality)
Thyrynn: gay in a sitting in a library and reading about forgotten legends way
Izzy: OUGHHHHHHHHHH CRITICAL HIT!!!! GAY!!!!!
Nadira: you wabt to know if shes gay? you want to know? when shes wearing the clothing of her gf at all times? when she has made an effort to learn everything about her gfs culture and history that she can find? you want to know if nadira is gay??? how gay she is???? take a guess. go on take a guess. how gay is she, hm?? how gay
Hilda: she was made to be my gfs characters gf. she exists only to be a lesbian. its her one destiny.
Rhea: *writes love songs about her crush* *cries after concert because girl in the audience was too pretty* *talks to ghosts about being too in love to function*
Junko: not only are they lesbian but they also have two gay people in their HEAD which adds up.
Darryean: cowboy
Rian: studies astrology. he looks at the stars and goes "oh youre a libra :/" thats gay
Kyandri: hey shes just a little shroomie :) she doesnt know how gay she is :) a lot probably
Ambrose: VAMPIRE!!!! BITES MEN!!!!! IN THE NECK!!!!!!!!!
Kaari: average bisexual
Daeonna: i dont know if shes gay but judging by how mean she is.... probably
Aryel: do you want an essay do you want a fucking ewsay on how gay he is. do you want that. do you want me to describe in detail how gay he is. how he felt when he met his lover for the first time. his emotions. his admiration. his pure beatiful love. do you want to read into every last bit of aryel lore and figure out how fucking gay he is. do you think you can handle that??? i dont think so. oh let me show you how fucking gay aryel is alright lket me show yo
Soleil: canach liker (gay)
Prima: the word lesbian was created for her HEY!!!!!!!!!!!! gay girl. get a grip.
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libbysartstudiotwo · 2 years
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The Manic Pixie Dream Girl
https://revistaprismasocial.es/article/view/1599/1754
Bubbly, shallow creature use for the sole purpose of aiding the male protagonist
In his own self discovery/journey 
They teach them how to have fun and be adventurous and happy
Vulnerable, sexually free
‘Hipster/ alternative’ look 
Unusual -
Film examples - garden state, eternal sunshine, almost famous and most iconically 500 days of summer
They are characterized as 
free-spirited, spontaneous and full of life, and their sole dramatic and narrative purpose in 
the films is to inspire the creativity and passion of the fragile, insecure male protagonists, thus  perpetuating  the  myth  of  women  as  muses  and  caregivers  rather  than  independent  entities with a life, dreams and ambitions of their own. In order for the male protagonist to regain a sense of masculinity and reassert their ego, they must also be imperfect and messed up enough to need saving, so the powerless guy can do something heroic in the third act» (Matteson, 2013)
From an iconographic perspective, the MPDG tends to dye her hair on eccentric colours, wear vintage dresses, listen to indie music and engage on spontaneous carpe diem behaviour that can range from socially inappropriate – such as jumping into a swimming pool n the midst of a formal party (Ruby Sparks) – to outright dangerous (Clementine’s casual alcoholism in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). 
It seems that for a lot of my young adult life I have played into this character role, partly because i think that is who I am/was, and mostly because that is the role I thought that I ought to play
I let men choke me during sex, i have mental health issues, I got addicted to weed, I dyed my hair pink and purple and I still bleach and tone it to this day.
But am I playing into this role, or have I found a category I vaguely fit into and embraced it further? 
Would I be like this at all if it weren’t for the media I watched at such a formative age?
it is also important to acknowledge the fact that the MPDG label has become an easy catch-all for unusual, quirky women in film, reducing very different female characters down to a type and homogenising any notion of difference
tangent - in a world online filled with niches and 100000 different “aesthetics” no one can really just be them anymore, perhaps you can in daily life, when more disconnected from echo chambers online. 
I used to be constantly online. tumblr, instagram, then tiktok. places like these are cesspits of labels and categories.  are you ‘cottagecore’  or an ‘egirl’? a ‘hey mamas lesbian’ or a ‘femme’?
this tends to be more of an issue online than in real life. but this obsession with looking a certain way and ‘fitting into an aesthetic’ pushes people into obsessive consumption of clothing (often fast fashion) just to fit into the latest trend 
Nathan  Rabin  coined  the  term  Manic Pixie  Dream  Girl  in  order  to  describe  a  nascent  filmic   female   trope
Rabin himself (2014), who almost ten years after coining the term MPDG apologised for it, contending that the trope «is a fundamentally sexist one, since  it  makes  women  seem  less  like  autonomous,  independent  entities  than  appealing  props to help mopey, sad white men self-actualise
However, the importance of analysing the MPDG can hardly be contested, for there is indeed an underlying common pattern in the  construction  of  the  female  protagonist  of  many  indie  rom-coms  produced  during  the  2000s insofar as their quirky liveliness is only exploited in order to help develop their male counterparts.
characterizing  them  as  "manic"  seems  to  imply a certain level of mental illness, an association which recalls historical connections between femininity and mental illnesses like that of hysteria.
manic pixie dream girl =  unstable fairy-like ideal young woman (oh god that is me (minus the carpe diem crap)) 
a rendition of the nurturing woman and/or the muse
Because films are bearers of ideology, the way they construct gender and produce role models will have straight consequences on how young women negotiate their place in society and perform their femininity, directly influencing the ways they dress, speak, behave and even dye their hair – after all, it is not in vain that polka dot  dresses  and  blue  hair  became  popular  at  the  same  time  these  films  were  released. 
creating stereotypes that  excite  the  imagination  of  the  male  spectator  while  limiting  the  social  aspirations  of  women and sanctioning particular forms of behaviour, not necessarily encouraging independence, intelligence or ambition.
do things because you want to, not to impress/invigorate some random dude
Indie films are particularly tailored for a certain portion of the audience, a growing subcul-ture that has come to be known as the hipsters (Zeynep & Thompson, 2011, p. 795), who-se fashion style, music taste and ethos largely determine the iconographic attributes of the MPDG (and viceversa).
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Chapter 1 The Intern
Chapter 1
The Intern
                The College of Godmothering was built with magic by the first fairy godmother, Her Excellency, Lady Yun. It was a generic castle one could read in fairytales with towering buildings made of stone. The windows were elegantly framed with the saturated red and yellow that blended well with the warm glow of the ever-present sun. Maybe, that was why most castles in books were designed that way, because fairies assimilated their idea of castles so their godchildren would build theirs accordingly. The College of Godmothering was a beacon of goodness in all of existence. It was a forge for dreams to come true and it was also the center of the galaxy of virtues that pulled them to its orbit. Kindness, compassion, humility and bravery, these virtues kept the college alive for eons. The motto solidified to reflect it: humanitas, pietas, humilitas et fortitude which welcomed students everyday as it preached its word at its spacious foyer.
                Jacob had always marveled at how illuminated the entire hall was without any candles or fire. From the windows that welcomed the morning sunshine to the reflection of each tile that made it look like everyone walked on hard light, the halls were the concrete example of “magical”. The ambiance had always offered a soft blur, maybe because of dust, but the streaks of the sun were almost tangible at every instance. Jacob enjoyed this view everyday, but quietly in his usual blue hooded sweater that covered most of his appearance. Afterall, he didn’t want to stand out in a school that had 99% female population. He had to hide himself or the stares felt like it penetrated his very life essence.
                A few years into godmothering, Jacob earned recognition from his professors, but these recognitions didn’t always mean to be a good thing. A follow-up from a “Congratulations, Mr. Lover” would always be a taut smile that could barely hide any disappointment. From designing his own slippers made of glass, to transforming a simple dress into an elaborate gown, Jacob mastered how to evolve a pauper to a princess with a speck of snow or wind. As his affinities were one of the rarest among fairies, Jacob could harness the wind to transform into any desired object at will. With one breeze, he was able to release a thousand sparkle into the air, making it magical that awed even his terrifying professor. Hence, the magic wasn’t the hard part, at least not for him. It was the duty to understand what is in the heart of a wish and how a fairy godmother could transform that into reality. Children may wish for a friend, but how could a fairy godmother do that? Were they expected to whiff life out of water droplets? No fairy could do that. Fairies were only allowed to harness what was already found in the universe. No fairy could create something out of thin air. Nature was magical in itself and with an expertise at knowing these energies, a fairy could transform it into something else.
                Jacob was an exceptional fairy that despite his gender, he was admitted to the college. It was believed that male fairies could never be adept in understanding emotions. They were expected to be more reactive to it, and thus, creating the Narra where exceptional male-identified fairies were encouraged to join. There, they would be taught how to empower their resolves, and thus elevate the energies into something more powerful, something lethal, but still abiding the vow to protect all life and the Oh my God buckhead marketinguniverse. Jacob, on the other hand, proved to be incapable to be part of the fairy army. He was physically weak, with unstable emotions that could flare up the energy around him. It was the best interest of the entire fairy realm to gear him for something more useful than dangerous. At an early age, Jacob’s affinity towards wind and water allowed him to create snow, a unique affinity that only sages were known to do. Nonetheless, Jacob continued to excel in the college, propelling him to be a best candidate to be a fairy godmother despite most professors looking down from that possibility.
                That morning was the time Professor Amihan would finally start their godmothering internship. Jacob was excited for that event so did the other students. They were enthusiastic because that would be the day they’d get to see creatures from the outer worlds in action for the very first time. They could finally peer into the Lake of Wishes, jump and retrieve a wish from millions that people prayed for every night and day. Jacob was particularly excited for the reason that he might meet a new friend in the outer worlds. He was anxious it might be construed as unethical, but the joy of actually acknowledging his presence genuinely was something that pulled him into new territory. He prayed for someone endearing, but he knew anyone who ever wished knew the virtue of humility so he knew he’d go to the right place wherever the internship could take him.
                As they neared the pristine lake where streaks of pinkish glow emanated as it reflected the rosy shade of the sun, Professor Amihan poised herself to introduce the magical wonder in the realm of the fairies.
                “Before you,” she beamed up, “is the lake that houses the wishes every creature has made every moment and could still use some help. Now why don’t you queue up and pick a random wish that falls into your hands. Put them in this vial so you could have a chance to view its content.” Professor Amihan took a step to the side to present the walkway the students were about to take. Allured by the magic of the lake, each student went to a spot that their heart brought them to. Jacob was alone at a side. He could hear the water dancing before him and giving him a reflection of both an excited and scared fairy. He breathed in deeply and closed his eyes. When he exhaled, a flurry of magical snow appeared in front of him, fogging up his glasses. He wiped them and jumped deep into the lake.
                The depth was glowing. Orbs of wishes twinkled in the abyssal lake that stretched downward into infinity. Jacob swam deeper, immersing himself to the beauty of humility. He glossed over captured memories of creatures wishing under their breaths, dedicatedly praying under willows and even those who uttered wishes at the height of their emotions. One particular wish sailed to his arms as if calling him for help. He scooped the orb in a small pond of lake water and swam up to the surface. He immediately poured it into the vial and watched the memory repeat in front of his eyes. A young man of his age cried on the floor, curled up. Jacob couldn’t hear what he was saying but he knew he was a very sad person.
                Jacob rushed to Professor Amihan to present his project, holding the vial up with pride. “Dr. Amihan, here’s mine!” he exclaimed.
                “Oh, so you’ve got yourself a job to do, haven’t you?” she smiled. “Now, why don’t you run to the library and view this orb by the Hummingbird Fountains? Hmm?”
                Jacob bowed and said his thanks before excusing himself to the libraries. As he walked towards the largest building on campus, he held the possibilities of a man in his hands. Will that man ever reach the pinnacle of his dreams? Maybe? Probably not at Jacob’s capacities, but Jacob loved the idea of a possibility.
                As usual, the library bustled with magic like a superhighway of but with fairies that trailed pixie dust and glitter. Libraries were supposed to be quiet but the busy fairies hummed to a concert as they roamed the spacious room with towering bookshelves. Fairies could fly. Some had wings, some did not, but fairies could not fly faster than they could run. Some could, with the help of their abilities, but it wasn’t a feat popular to everyone as flying at high speeds had been known to induce feelings of vertigo or time-confusion. Jacob disliked it himself, but he did like levitating and feeling the weightlessness that came with it. He called it “swimming in the sea of light and sparkles”.
                Jacob glided towards the Hummingbird Fountains located at the very center of the room. They were little bird drinking fountains with the clearest water canvasses awaiting to be painted on by dreams and memories of creatures in the outer worlds. Jacob poured the vial on the water and the orb melted into a motion picture of the man he saw in it. But this time, it was bigger and it played more memories of him sad, scared, excited and happy. The young man was built taller than Jacob. He had caramel skin with biceps that looked kind of fluffy if one could lay on it. He looked like a cuddly teddy bear with hair and beard as black as a fantastical crow’s feathers that glimmered under the sun. His square-rimmed glasses framed his beautiful communicative brown eyes beneath thick expressive eyebrows that made it easy for Jacob to decipher what emotion the young man felt at a certain time. Jacob found himself staring at the water for a long time, as if drifting into the memories himself, feeling the pull of infatuation like the princesses he read about. When he caught himself at the bottom of it, he closed his eyes and pursed his lips. He got a job to do, and nothing should derail him from it. He waved his hand to the water to dilute the imagery until it reveals a glass slab that contained the serial for the memories’ files.
                He quickly went to the librarian to ask for directions where the documents could be and when he got them, Jacob flew to retrieve them before he could browse at the desks. Jacob flipped through parchment, summarizing some necessary life information of the young man he saw and he knew his name was Hassan Saurya.
                Hassan was an orphan. He lived with his grandmother for a few years after she died of old age. He was intelligent, gentle, but a scaredy young boy who always worried he could break things out of his built. Hassan kept to his own since he was a child, but it got narrower as he lived alone when his grandmother died. Ever since he was child, Hassan tried to earn the recognition of his parents that was so hard to come by. High grades weren’t enough. Bring physically capable of helping the family business wasn’t enough. He felt inadequate as their life unfolded in front of him, feeling more distant as their family’s business got busier and busier. Hassan wished for something consistently every night. He wished, “I just want to be useful. I just want to be me.”
                Well that’s a toughie, Jacob thought. I don’t think there’s any item I could think of right now that could make him feel that way. Despite browsing through the parchments, Jacob found nothing material that could be an easy route for him. Perhaps Hassan wasn’t a fan of sweets? Or maybe he really just got enough of all those just by sheer wealth? Jacob was clueless so took some time to monitor the parchment for a few more days just to wait if it would scribe some more details he could work on. Days passed by and there were no changes he could work with. Jacob grew a bit wary as his classmate already finished hers in a week. A kid wished to be a princess for a day so all Nelly had to do was whiff a pretty ballgown for a seven-year old and vanish like nothing ever transpired. Another thing about wish-giving, is that fairies also should learn how to shape the memories of the people around their godchildren so that they wouldn’t question where items they got came from. Pretty lonely for a godmother’s life, but that was how it had always been. Fairies weren’t meant to be worshiped like gods. Fairies weren’t gods to be revered. Fairies existed as a reminder of the universe that a child-like heart and innocence is the purest form of creation, and that capacity to connect with the universe brings everyone back where they came from; from a collective unconscious of shared experiences that walked the world to expand those memories.
Jacob idled around on his own, listening to music as he tried to figure out how “to be enough”. He pictured his own life. Was he ever enough? He pondered that question. Of course, he always got the recognition of his professors, called to be a very smart boy and an exceptional fairy, but were those ever enough for him as a fairy? He felt parallel to Hassan’s feelings. Jacob witnessed the realm of fairies uplifting the outer worlds with so much ease and so much joy, basking in the deeds they carry out into the world, balancing the goodness of the universe and defining themselves as stewards of forces of good, but Jacob had always felt empty and alone. There had always been a scratching feeling at the back of his head to prove himself and to prove his worth to the fairies around him. Being different in such a normal school was challenging, a challenge he arbitrarily admitted defeat and lived that moving forward. Maybe that was why he felt less of wanting to be enough because he already felt the place where he believed he belong; defeat and inferiority.
                “Hi! What’s up, sir?” a familiar voice called that riveted him back to reality.
                “Oh, hello there, Flynn? What’s up?” he acknowledged.
                “Nothing, really. I just saw you and I’m on a free day so I thought you’d want to hang out,” Flynn replied. “What’s new with you? I heard the college already started the internships already. The entire school is bustling again. What wish did you have?”
                “I don’t think we’re allowed to disclose that,” Jacob said and laughed. “But here goes: a wish to be enough.”
                Flynn snickered. “Now, I know why you’re here getting all sentimental.”
                Jacob rolled his eyes but the weight of the truth in that statement pulled him back to heavier thoughts. “Flynn, I don’t think I can do this. I don’t think I’m good, or even good-enough. Do you think I’m enough?”
                Flynn looked surprised. He looked as if he was about to say something but couldn’t. The surprise on his face melted into a warm smile as he scooted closer to Jacob and put his hand on Jacob’s shoulders. “You are, and will always be enough,” he said and laid Jacob’s head on his shoulder. “If someone said otherwise, they didn’t know you enough to say so.”
                “You’re a good friend, Flynn, and I hate you for making me cry,” Jacob sniffled.
                “Indeed, I am, Jacob. I’m you best friend.”
Jacob’s room sat idly on top of a pink tree. His room was a humble space filled with random art he’d draw, some pretty, some indecent, but who cared? He lived alone and the hues of the tree were less judge-y, and more accommodating. The tree couldn’t talk but it always felt like it greeted him a good morning each day and hugged him every night when he’d feel sad. In his room, he had a dedicated spot to feel warm. It was a nook filled with clouds that did not dissipate in contact. They lifted Jacob up physically as much as they lifted his spirits up. The clouds also had an interwoven string of lights that twinkled when Jacob sat on his spot. It was a warm yellow tone that appeared to be very effective in calming down intense emotions. That night, Jacob felt burdened. The task got to him as he ruminated on his own feelings of adequacy. He curled up in his spot, tearing up, attempting to be reassured by the blaring song that screamed reassurance to his ears. That was how peaceful nights went by for Jacob. It wasn’t much but it was something. The clouds fell around him, as if sentient, hugging the sadness out of him. Gradually, the room fell colder with some snow brewing at the corners. He wanted to contact Flynn, but he didn’t. He was a fairy godmother, damn it. He was supposed to be a beacon of hope, not a caution of depression. Jacob fixed himself up and conjured the parchment of his internship to his hands. He recalled the beautiful man behind the name Hassan and in that short moment of infatuation, he sort of forgot his own dilemma. His thoughts drifted away as the determination to make Hassan’s wish come true washed them away.
                In the middle of the night, Jacob was awoken by the bright light that attacked his face. The parchment was writing something. It was scribbling fast. Please, help. Please, please, please, please, help me. Please keep me safe. Jacob scrambled to his feet and sat up. He was frantic but he did try to prep himself up both physically and emotionally. The only way to teleport himself or other fairies into the outer worlds was through The Chasm. It was a rift opened by Lady Yun in her youth that stretched space to connect the fae realm into the other worlds. It was her dedication and passion to help others that wove the worlds together, bridged by goodness made possible by magic. Therefore, Jacob was going to follow her footsteps that night. He breathed in and convinced himself with a smile that he would do well.
                Despite the fact that flying at high speeds needed a lot of energy, he grabbed his lucky navy-blue cape and used the wind to propel him to The Chasm. Jacob darted through the wind, making him dizzy as he neared his destination. At the mouth of the bridge through the realms, Jacob realized more the gravity of his task. This wasn’t some school work. It was a life at his fingertips, ready to be changed the way he would approach it, and that scared him even more. He couldn’t do it but he should. Jacob approached the rift and put his hand through the wall. Like dipping into water, his hand created a ripple that echoed on the surface. He went deeper and deeper until his whole body was inside. The interior was abysmal. Jacob felt the ground underneath his feet but it was like glass that peered into nothingness but a stream of purple, teal and pink. It wasn’t horrific, but it was scary. In just a few moments, the entire room glowed and dissolved before his eyes. The next thing he saw was a group of humans and half-elves holding blunt weapons just a few meters from him. That was scary, and horrific. Jacob was certainly not built for this.
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