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rmtndew · 4 years

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Begin Again ~ Chapter 6

Summary: Walter Marshall is a dedicated homicide detective doing his best to balance his work life with being a single father to a teenage girl. Fiona Sparks is a woman doing her best to take care of everyone and everything around her, except for herself. Neither has had the best luck with relationships, but once they meet, they’re willing to give it another shot, this time with each other. (It’s basically just romantic fluff)

Pairing: Marshall and OFC.

Rating: PG

Warnings: Mentions of death, cancer.

A/N - This is a sequel to ‘All I’ve Ever Known’. I started writing this because I needed an escape for some personal stuff going on and my coping mechanism included giving Marshall all the love that man needed, and imagining him being the softest boyfriend to me, then passing those details on to Fiona (my OFC).

Tag list - @hollydaisy23, @alyxkbrl, @onlyhenrys, @omgkatinka, @speakerforthedead0, @gearhead66, @thethirstyarchive, @oddsnendsfanfics, @littlerinoa, @agniavateira, @aaescritora, @justaboringadult, @beenthroughalot, @seriouslygoodlookinggents, @xxxkatxo, @musicartmayheminmyheart, @lilliannaansalla

If you want to be added/removed from the tag list, let me know!

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7

The next week started out well. Marshall’s closed case meant paperwork - which I knew he wasn’t a fan of - but it gave us the ability to spend more time together. After his court appearance on Monday, he stopped by the shop so I could see him in his suit. He was insanely handsome - he really did clean up nicely - but I preferred him looking like a big cozy bear in his thick sweaters, so I gave him the go ahead to change into something more casual for our date that night. Darcy, being the wonderful friend that she was, let me leave a few hours early so that Walter and I could meet up sooner. We had dinner and picked up everything he’d ordered for Faye’s room. Then we went to his house and he assembled the new furniture while I painted the old. Tuesday he picked me up and we had Chinese takeout before finishing the room. It took all night - I didn’t get home until close to one in the morning - but we both worked to get it done in time. And it was well worth it. I may have been an adult, but even I was a little jealous of how cute it had turned out. Faye’s birthday was the next day, Wednesday, and Marshall picked her up from school, then surprised her with it before taking her home. That evening while I was on the phone with him, she sent me a sweet text thanking me for helping him out and telling me how much she loved it.

Unfortunately, things started falling apart for me after that. Mom spent Thursday getting ready for her trip with my aunts that weekend, and despite how much I tried to convince myself that she would be okay, my anxiety wasn’t buying it. Since Dad died, I hadn’t spent a single night away from her. And with her cancer still feeling fresh in my mind, knowing that I wouldn’t be there with her if something were to go wrong made my anxiety worse. It came to a head Friday morning when I had a panic attack. I was having coffee when it hit me. The chest pains, the heart palpitations, the tingling in my arms, the numbness in my fingers and toes. I felt dizzy, my vision swimming. I knew what it was, I’d had them for more than half my life, and yet I was always scared it was something more. A heart attack usually. My mind could never comprehend how something like anxiety could cause such an intense physical reaction. But it did and when it was over, I was exhausted. I was thankful that I didn’t have to go to work - Darcy had closed the shop for the day - because the most I managed to do that morning was take a shower and put on sweatpants and an oversized sweater. By that afternoon, I felt torn between being too tired to do anything useful and needing something to distract me from dwelling on Mom going away. She wouldn’t let me help her with anything, so I finally settled on cleaning out the fridge. That’s where I was, trying to identify the contents of a container that had gotten pushed to the back, for who knows how long, when I got a text from Marshall.

Marshall: I wanted to see if you had plans for dinner? I know your mother is leaving this evening and didn’t know if you’d cook for yourself. I can take you out, or cook for you, if you’d like?

I wanted so badly to say yes, but I didn’t have the energy. Cleaning out the fridge was as much as I had been able to force myself to do, and even that was pushing it. There was no way I could manage to get ready for a date.

Me: I don’t have plans. Unfortunately I’m not feeling well. Do you take rainchecks on dinner?

I hated turning him down for several reasons. One being that I loved spending time with him, no matter what we did. But another was knowing that he wasn’t always going to have free time to spend with me. That these few weeks we’d had were rare, at least by his admission, and I felt like I was squandering it.

Marshall: I do take rainchecks. And I’m sorry that you’re not well. Is there anything I can do for you?

Me: No. It’ll pass. But thank you for offering. I promise I’ll make it up to you when I can.

Almost as soon as I sent it, he replied, like he’d anticipated what I was going to say and was waiting, his thumb hovering over the send button.

Marshall: You have nothing to make up for, Fi. Just let me know if I can get you anything.

Reading the text, I felt like crying. He was wonderful and there was no reason why I shouldn’t have been able to go out with him, except my brain decided to have a meltdown and destroy my whole day.

Me: I will. You’re too sweet, Walter. Thank you.

Marshall: That’s not possible.

Me: For you to be sweet? I highly disagree, mister.

Marshall: No. For anyone to be too sweet to you, love.

My heart fluttered for a moment, touched by how wonderful he truly was. But it was over quickly, replaced by tears. I’d finally found someone that I adored and that treated me better than anyone ever had, but even still, my anxiety fought it and that afternoon, it won.

A few hours later, June came by to pick up Mom. I carried her suitcase to the car, then made sure she had everything important in her purse.

“Fiona, I’ve got it, sweetie. I’ve got my medicine, my wallet, and my phone. Anything else I need, we can pull over and get.”

“What about your phone charger?” I asked.

“In the suitcase.”

“Your car charger?”

At that, she looked a little sheepish. “I did forget that one.”

“I’ll go grab it for you. Where is it?”

“I think it’s on my vanity. If not, don’t worry about it, Bird. June will have her phone, too.”

“I know, but I’d feel better if you had it. I’ll be right back.”

I ran upstairs and looked at Mom’s vanity. The charger wasn’t sitting on it, so I went through the drawers, searching for it with no luck. I didn’t know where else she would keep it, but I knew that if I asked, she would tell me to forget it and try to leave before I could find it. So I decided to give her mine to take instead. I had a backup one with a shorter cord in the bottom drawer of my nightstand.

“You’ll have to take mine. I can’t find yours,” I called, starting down the stairs.

“Well, I found something,” she called back. “There was a surprise on the doorstep.”

“Mom, I swear if you brought the neighbor’s cat in again, I’m telling. It’s not inhumane to have an outdoor cat,” I said. But when I reached the bottom of the staircase, I saw who she’d ‘found’ and couldn’t hold back my smile. It wasn’t a cat, thankfully. It was Marshall. He smiled back at me.

“Are you still going to tell on me?” Mom asked.

“I’ll consult with Detective Marshall here and decide,” I said, walking over to her.

Marshall was standing with one hand behind his back, the other holding a bouquet of wildflowers. “I hope it’s okay that I’m here.”

“Of course,” I said.

“Well, we have to get on the road, so we’ll leave the two of you to it.” Mom turned and gently pulled my head down for her to kiss my forehead. “I love you, sweetie. I’ll call you when we get there.”

I handed her my charger and she put it in her purse. “I love you, too. Be careful and have fun, okay?”

“I will.” She looked up at Walter. “Would you do me a favor and keep an eye on her this weekend? She could cut one of her limbs off and wouldn’t tell me because she wouldn’t want to ‘bother’ me.”

He nodded. “Yes, ma’am, I will.”

She patted his arm. “Thank you.”

Mom and June gave me hugs before leaving. June told Marshall that it was nice to ‘finally’ meet him. I rolled my eyes but he smiled and said it was nice to meet her, too. I stood in the doorway and watched them leave. Once they were gone, I closed the door and turned back to Walter.

He rubbed his neck, looking a bit bashful. I didn’t think I could ever get used to him looking that way. “I didn’t mean to interrupt you sending her off.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure she was happy to have you here to be a buffer. I think she was half afraid that I was going to cling to her leg like I did when I was a kid and try to keep her from going.” I went to him and brushed a curl back from his forehead. I squinted at him playfully. “Now that I’m thinking about it, that was pretty convenient for her. Did she call you?” I joked.

He smiled enough for me to see the sharp end of his canines. “No. I was on my way home and wanted to check on you since you said you weren’t feeling well.” He held up the flowers. “And bring these to you.”

“That was sweet. Thank you.”

“Are you worried about your mum leaving?” he asked. I nodded. He put his free hand on my hip, drawing me closer. “I figured that may have been it, instead of you being ill.”

I put my hands on his chest, feeling the soft texture of his cable knit sweater under my palms. “I know she’s a grown woman, and I know she’s a lot healthier now than she was, and I know she’s going to be with family, so I really shouldn’t be worried, but I can’t help it.” I chewed my lip for a moment. “I had a panic attack this morning. I didn’t tell her, because I knew she’d know it was over her leaving and I didn’t want her to feel guilty,” I said. “But that’s why I asked about a raincheck for dinner. It drained me and I didn’t think I’d have the energy to go anywhere. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize for that. It’s understandable to be worried about her. You’ve taken care of her the whole time she was sick,” he said. “I’m sorry it caused you to have a panic attack, though.”

“I’m used to them. I’ve had them half my life.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

I shook my head. “It just drained me. I’ll be better tomorrow.”

“Would you like me to stay and keep you company?”

I looked down at my hands. “You don’t have to.”

“I know I don’t have to. Do you want me to?”

I took a deep breath. “Please,” I whispered.

He kissed the bridge of my nose, then put his forehead to mine. “I’ll stay as long as you want.”

I smiled. “Then you may never leave.”

“I wouldn’t complain.”

I looked up at him again. “Have you eaten? I could make us dinner.”

“Would you let me order take out for us instead?”

“You don’t trust my cooking?” I joked.

He smiled back. “It’s not that. I promise. But I would feel better if I felt like I was taking care of you, not the other way around.

I bit my lip for a moment, thinking. “Okay.”

“Good girl,” he said, then placed a kiss on my forehead.

A flush instantly pinched at my cheeks, the heat spreading to my ears and neck, just from two simple words. “We should get those flowers in some water,” I said, moving back and taking them from his hand. I didn’t want him to see how flustered I was.

I walked to the kitchen and he followed. I found a vase in one of the cabinets and filled it with water, then I took the flowers from their wrapping and placed them inside. Marshall took the wrapping from me and put it in the trash while I arranged the flowers. Once I had them how I wanted them, I carried them to the table and placed them in the center. Marshall came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, and kissed my shoulder. I wasn’t a petite woman, but he engulfed me, making me feel dainty for the first time in my life. I closed my eyes and melted into his touch.

“Thank you again for the flowers. They’re beautiful,” I said.

“You’re welcome.” He kissed my shoulder again, then kissed a trail from there up to my neck. I sunk further into him with each kiss. He finished with a soft, lingering kiss behind my ear. “What would you like to eat?”

“Do we have to eat? I kind of don’t want to move from right here.”

He laughed and I felt it rumble through me. “I assure you, I plan on resuming this as soon as dinner’s taken care of.”

“Promise?”

He nodded. “Yes, darling.”

“Keep calling me stuff like that and I’m going to be too weak in the knees to do anything else.”

He laughed again. “Is that so?”

I turned my head to look at him. He looked amused. “Yes, it is. Don’t act like you don’t know what kind of effect you have on me.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said with a slight smirk.

“Oh really?” I asked. He shook his head. I took his right hand away from my waist and moved it, placing it over my heart, and held it there with my own hand. “Call me darling again.”

He looked confused, but he did it anyway. “My darling, Fiona,” he said. Then I watched his eyes widen as he felt my heart rate pick up. “That’s because of one word?”

“It’s because of you. Because of how you say it. Because of how you make me feel when you say it.”

He gave me a kiss, soft and gentle, then smiled as he pulled back. My heart was beating faster and I knew he could feel it under his palm. “So it’s not just words,” he whispered, sending shivers through me. “My beautiful -” He kissed behind my ear. “Sweet -” He kissed my neck. “Smart -” My head tilted for him naturally. He kissed the underside of my jaw. “Darling,” he said, then pressed a kiss to my exposed collarbone.

Never in my life had a man made me feel the way Walter did. Especially right then. He surrounded me, crowded every one of my senses, and made me feel weak and strong at the same time. I could be vulnerable with him, let him know exactly what he did to me, and I wasn’t afraid he’d exploit it. I wasn’t afraid of him at all. He was protection. I knew that he would protect me, protect my heart, and so even though I could feel it beating so fast it almost hurt, I kept his hand pressed against it, wanting him to feel some small part of how he made me feel.

He let his lips linger on my collarbone for a moment, and then, to my surprise, he blew a raspberry on it. I squealed, my knees buckling at the sudden tickling sensation. He caught me, his arm around my waist tightening to keep me from falling. I burst into a fit of giggles and he laughed, too, moving his hand from my heart to circle around my waist, joining the other one.

“Are you ticklish?” he asked, still laughing.

“I didn’t think I was, but no one’s ever done that,” I said, my cheeks starting to hurt from how wide my smile was.

“Hm...this could be an interesting experiment, then.”

“No, sir!” I said, still laughing.

“Fine.” He kissed the side of my head. “It’s better when it’s a surprise anyway,” he said. He loosened his grip on me, then turned me to face him. He looked very satisfied with himself as he smirked at me. “Do you still want to do this, or will you let me order dinner now?”

I shook my head at him. “You sneaky bear,” I said, my smile never breaking. “Yes, you may order dinner now.”

“What would you like?”

“I think...a deep-dish pizza, please.”

He smiled. “Then pizza it is, love.”

Marshall ordered pizza, then he and I cuddled on the couch until it arrived. Then we ate it straight from the box while watching baking shows. After dinner, we got comfortable. He sat on the couch and I sat beside him, stretching my legs out and leaning my back against his chest. He wrapped me up in a blanket and held me. His hand occasionally playing with my hair, running his fingers through it. We didn’t talk very much, but we didn’t have to. Just him being there was enough to make me feel better. Eventually, my anxiety melted away, leaving me relaxed. My eyes were growing heavy when Mom called, the sound startling me.

“Hey Bird, did I wake you?” she asked.

“No. I’m watching TV. You’re fine.”

“You didn’t stay up for me, did you?”

“No. I’m watching a show with Walt.”

“Oh, is he still there?”

“He is. You’d be proud of him. He’s looked after me very well tonight.”

“That makes me feel better. You’ll have to tell him I said thank you.”

“I will. How was the drive? Did you guys get there okay?”

“We did. We ran into some snow, but it wasn’t too bad.” There was a pause, then I heard her yawn. “I won’t keep you. I just wanted to let you know we made it.”

“Thank you for letting me know. I’m glad you got there safely and I hope you guys have fun this weekend. Try not to get too crazy.”

“No promises, Fi.”

I laughed. “Alright. Go get some sleep, Mom. I love you.”

“I love you, too, sweetie. Goodnight.”

We hung up and I put my phone back on the coffee table.

“She made it to their hotel?” Marshall asked.

“Yeah. I didn’t realize they’d been gone that long.”

He looked at his watch, then raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t, either. It’s nearly midnight.” He rubbed his hand up and down my back. “I should probably go and let you sleep.”

I didn’t want him to leave, but I knew he must have been tired. He’d worked that day, then spent all evening taking care of me. I couldn’t ask him to stay any longer.

“Okay,” I said.

He helped me tidy up the living room, throwing away the trash from dinner and cleaning up the few dishes we’d dirtied. I walked him to the door. He gave me a hug and a kiss and I tried not to linger with either, not wanting him to see how reluctant I was to let him go. But he must have seen it or sensed it because as he was about to leave, he paused and turned back to look at me.

“You know, if you’re nervous about being here alone, I could stay with you,” he said. “I could sleep down here, on the couch, if you want.”

“I couldn’t ask you to sleep on the couch.”

“You’re not; I’m offering.”

I chewed my lip and looked down at my feet. “I could...I could ask you to sleep somewhere else, though,” I said quietly.

I watched his feet turn as he walked back to me. His hand gently lifted my face to look at him. “Do you want me to stay tonight, love?”

I nodded. “Please.”

He stroked my jaw softly with his fingers. His blue eyes were the softest I’d ever seen them. “All you ever have to do is ask.”

“Will you stay with me, Walter?”

“Yes.”

We locked up, then he followed me upstairs. I gave him the pair of sweatpants he’d loaned me when I’d painted Faye’s furniture because he was worried I’d ruin my jeans. I’d washed them, intending to return them on our next date. He changed into them while I was getting the pillows from the guest room. I watched him from the corner of my eye as I arranged the bed so we could share it, trying not to be shallow and stare as he pulled off his sweater, his T-shirt going with it. It was difficult. I knew he was muscular, even his sweaters couldn’t hide that, but seeing him for the first time took my breath away. He was so big and broad and manly. I’d never dated anyone that had even remotely come close to looking the same.

I got into bed and lay on my side. Marshall turned off the light, then joined me. He put his phone on the nightstand, then lay facing me. Even in the dark, he was beautiful.

“Thank you for this,” I said.

“You’re welcome, my love.”

“Would you mind holding me? Just until I fall asleep?”

“Of course.”

I rolled onto my other side and he wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me to him, his chest pressed against my back. I rested my arm on top of his, my fingers threading down through his. He nosed the back of my neck, then kissed it, before resting his head behind mine.

“I love how warm you are,” I said, my eyes closing. “You’re like a big, strong blanket.”

“A hairy one at that.”

I laughed. “Yes, but I love that, too. Have you ever seen a shaved bear? They’re terrifying.”

It was his turn to laugh. It shook my whole body as he did. “What?”

“Have you never seen the picture of the shaved bear?”

“No. But what does that have to do with me, anyway?”

“You’re my bear.”

“Am I?” he asked. I nodded. “Does that mean I can’t ever shave my beard?”

I hummed sleepily. “I don’t know. I do really like it. I like all of your hair, though. Especially your curls.”

“Do you?”

“Yes. I always want to play with them. They’re soft.”

“You’re more than welcome to play with them anytime you want, then.”

“You’re so sweet.”

“And you get very complimentary when you’re tired,” he remarked, humor in his voice.

“Well, you deserve all the compliments.”

“Do I now?”

“Yes.” I yawned. “You’re my favorite person, you know? And you make me feel safe. Always,” I said. “Not that I feel unsafe without you, I just… I don’t know. You make me feel protected anytime I’m around you.” I let out a breath. “Especially right now.”

He tightened his arm around me, pulling me closer. “You are always safe with me, love,” he said softly.

I melted further into his embrace. I could feel myself starting to drift off to sleep. The weight of his arm around me, the heat of him pressed against my back, it all felt so comforting, I couldn’t stay awake.

As I fell asleep, the last thought I had was that I was without a doubt falling in love with Walter Marshall.

A few hours later, I woke with a start. A phone was ringing and my first thought was that it was Mom. I sat up, groping in the dark for my phone. My worry turned to confusion when I realized it wasn’t my phone ringing. A moment later, the ringing stopped.

“Yeah, Marshall,” Walter answered the call, his voice deep and raspy from sleep. There was a pause and he let out a breath. “Okay, yeah, I’ll be there in thirty.” He hung up, putting his phone back on the nightstand, and sat up beside me. He put his hand on my back. “Are you okay?”

I nodded. “I thought it was Mom. It scared me for a second.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.” I took a deep breath, reaching out to touch him, my hand landing on his knee. “You have to go?”

“Yeah. There was a shooting.” He rubbed my back softly. “Will you be able to go back to sleep?”

“I think so,” I said. “Do you want me to make you coffee while you get dressed? I have a thermos I can put it in.”

He shook his head. “No, don’t worry about me. Just go back to sleep. I’ll lock up behind me. Okay?”

“Okay.”

He moved his hand from my back up to the back of my head and cradled it as he kissed me before getting out of bed. I watched him as my eyes adjusted to the dark. He went to the chair where he’d put his clothes and swapped his sweatpants for his jeans. His black boxer briefs gave me my first glimpse of his muscular thighs with nothing hiding them, before covering them again. He pulled on his shirt and sweater, then sat long enough to put on his boots. He came back to the bed, putting his phone in his pocket, then came around to my side.

“I’m sorry I can’t stay,” he said, sitting beside me.

I shook my head at him. “Don’t be. It means a lot that you stayed as long as you did.”

He cupped my face in his hand. I leaned into it. He stroked my cheek. “I’ll call you later and check in on you, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He pressed a kiss to my forehead, then my nose, then my lips. “Lay down,” he whispered. “I’ll tuck you in.” I lay back down and he pulled the covers up around me, tucking them around me. He bent and gave me another kiss to my temple. “Goodnight, Fi.”

I had to fight every urge that wanted me to hold on to him and ask him to stay. “Be careful, Walt.”

He smiled at me. “Always, love.”

He left and I’d never felt so alone. The bed was cold and I missed him. I grabbed the pillow he’d been sleeping on and hugged it to me. It smelled like him. With that scent still there, I felt my body relaxing, and soon I fell back to sleep.

#Henry Cavill #Henry Cavill fan fiction #Walter Marshall #Walter Marshall fan fiction #Walter Marshall/OFC #Night Hunter #Night Hunter fan fiction #Nomis #Nomis fan fiction #Henry Cavill fanfiction #Henry Cavill fanfic #Detective Walter Marshall #Begin Again

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420pogpills · 3 years

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part 3 of asks! part 1 part 2

yeah i know he said that, what's why i found his behaviour so odd. he was saying how he thinks george doesn't try that hard, and in last night's stream george was genuinely try-harding, and dream kept sabotaging him it was just v weird. like i know ofc dream doesn't mean it, he praises george to the high heavens haha. but it just wasn't like very fun to watch him be like that when george was trying so hard to win :')

it's just genuinely been so goddamn LONGGGG since we got solo george :( i know he probably prefers streaming with his friends it's more fun and what not but omg i really really want a solo stream! or maybe half solo, and then someone joins in the other half, as long as the vibes stay good

bro he doesn't just have a comp sci degree, he got a FIRST, which is the highest classification you can get for a ba/bs. it's very impressive! i do hope he ends up doing a nice chill coding stream one day :D here at tumblr it's full of gogy simps, we appreciate his brains!

haha ikr oh my god his tolerance is something else. georgeeee clink clink spare some change in the form of tolerance?? i need it so badly because mine is so insanely thin, i scream at my door if my clothing catches on the handle

yeah this is always why i try my best to word myself carefully because i don't want to sit here and preach like i know what george is feeling. i don't need to defend george from his own friends and i have no plans of doing that :') but i am allowed to say how i, as a viewer, feel about what i saw and how i would feel in the situation! :) us getting a little upset about how george was treated is not the same as us going 'uwu gogy i wish i could hug him that was so mean dream is awful booooooo'.. it was just an unfair situation, and regardless we're allowed to project, and people are allowed to agree or disagree. we can all just discuss it in a calm manner :)

yeah karl seems to be super busy atm, i've not seen him open up minecraft in forever i feel like! that would be the most hilarious team in existence oh my god i would love that :')

yeah it can get very frustrating. not babying george should not mean you can insult him and put a joking or lighthearted tone indicator behind it. i feel like george's 'pretty privilege' is a double-edged sword. it feels like most people know him now for being the pretty one and a lot of people act like that's all there is. george fans get ridiculed a lot because people think we just watch him cause he's attractive. which is like??? why would i sit there for 2-3 hours of a stream just to look at someone's face? i literally sometimes just put on his calm solo streams in the background because i find his vibe relaxing, i don't even watch it. why would i do that if i only liked him for his face? he's not even my type anyway :'))) i just appreciate that he's a beautiful beautiful man, but i would never waste my time to watch someone just because of what they look like.

in general, people need to remember that these streamers are real people with feelings. and their job is on the internet, so they spend a lot of time on social media, and if you write a nasty comment about them, there actually is a high chance they will see it. i wish people just stayed respectful, and realised that their words carry weight :)

yeah i think they struggle a LOT with streaming etiquette. i feel like after all this time, they are aware of how people perceive them (after having to point out several times that george can take a joke that it's not that serious etc etc) they know that people get a little upset at these things. i get maybe like in the moment if they're really high strung or just frustrated, they just do what they do and don't think about the fact that over 100k people are witnessing them do it. which yeah, i think sometimes their arguments or disagreements get too personal - and they are friends so they are fine with it, but we don't know their thought process, we don't know them the way they know each other, so we just see what's on the surface. and on the surface it often looks like a negative situation, and people get either worried or upset or frustrated.

because here's the thing - we watch streams to enjoy ourselves. george is my favourite streamer, and my idea of enjoyment isn't to see him trying hard to win at something and his friends sabotaging him, getting in the way and acting like he's incapable of achieving something by himself :') and a toxic vibe is just no fun to watch. i get that that's their friendship and like i'm not saying they should change anything about it - but there's nothing wrong with us venting, with expressing ourselves and releasing our frustrations. we are all allowed to feel different things. just because i'm not a fan of how george was treated, doesn't mean i'm trying to baby him. if i was babying him, i'd be @'ing dream and co on twitter and demanding he apologise lmao. saying i think it was unfair of them to say george was being carried when george was doing fine on his own is not the equivalent of babying someone.

#ask #anon #cw negative #cw negativity #i've done these in parts because apparently you're only allowed 10 pics per post haha #dream team discourse

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2ndblogg · 4 years

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Hey! Just read your hot take on novel!wangxian and I absolutely agree. I'm gonna have to say here that I believe it boils down to the fetishization of homosexual men in a lot of the fandom culture that surrounds mlm shipping, as you said it's a space for a lot of women to experiment with their desires and whatnot, but I think therein lies the breaking points between reading novel!wangxian as a good, healthy relationship vs. reading it as a very flawed and toxic one. As an LGBT person, reading the way the author dealt with their relationship made me extremely uncomfortable, it just really feels like something that is written by someone who is more invested in using her queer characters for satisfying her and her reader's own pleasure than a well-built, strong relationship between two characters. Not to take away from the novel in some other aspects, I believe that novel!wwx is a much better, much more nuanced character than what he is in cql, but when it comes to wangxian, I think the intentions are very different for each of them. To each their own, I guess, but I do find it very troubling that some people in the fandom have a really hard time admitting that novel wangxian is not even remotely healthy.

Absolutely.

And can I just say how glad it makes me to see that not everyone is praising this book for it’s lgbt representation...

But I guess that’s also why I just occasionally feel the need to scream my frustrations into the void or try to make sense of the novel.

And why I try to be understanding and accepting of people’s opinion of the novel and not take it ‘personally’ (in the sense of sitting there thinking “holy shit this is how they view ME, this is what they think of ME” etc).

I was in fandoms back when they were really a place dominated by straight (homophobic) women and realism or lgbt representation wasn’t on anyone’s mind (and the occasional dude butting in to say that’s not how sex works or bottoming is experienced was ignored or told to get out). I experienced this change to fandoms being more of a lgbt space, of people becoming aware that media can shape your views of groups of people, of people becoming aware of their fetishizing of fictional gays vs. their prejudice against real life lgbt people etc.

And tbh MXTX just writes like one of those, she writes wangxian like everyone wrote their gay relationships around 2005 and earlier; clear power imbalance, clear roles and attributes that are divided into ‘manly’ and ‘feminine’, certain physical attributes (like the female self insert character aka the bottom being pretty and slight and weaker and shorter), men/the penetrating partner can’t really be raped so anything the woman/bottom tries isn’t really ‘bad’, the male love interest is forceful and self centered but ONLY because he’s so in love and since he’s emotionally stunted he has to express that through sex, men/tops NEED sex and it’s rude/mean to deny them that, the girl/bottom isn’t THAT horny or in charge of their own sexuality but wants to please their partner and what they really get out of it is the emotional aspect, decisions need to be made for them because the dude/top just knows better, the girl/bottom is childish and flirty and the guy/top suffers through it until he finally snaps and shows the girl/bottom who'sboss etc etc. (honestly homophobia and misogyny is so tightly knit in this kind of fiction, if it wasn’t so frustrating it would be very interesting).

Tbh I disagree with novel!wwx being more nuanced (despite a lot of ppl whose opinions I really respect also feeling this way), because I simply cannot seperate him from the wangxian relationship. All I see are tropes and stereotypes applied to make him ‘work’ in the context of the wangxian relationship instead of an actual personality...

To me, in CQL WWX is clearly the main character and you love his interactions with LWJ and want more of them and value them, wheras in the novel most of the time WWX plays second fiddle even when a scene should technically be about him and LWJ’s presence is incredibly suffocating, because he’s always being controlling or at the very least influencing WWX.

I also don’t feel like WWX has much of a character arc/growth. We’re essentially told he had one but the only thing that really actually changes is him hating himself a bit more and letting LWJ smash..., and I guess: he’s less independent than ever, he’s more isolated that ever...

I’ve called novel!wangxian a relationship between an abuser and his victim, because you can find evidence of that in the text. Not because I think the author wanted to portray an unhealthy gay relationship. Like you said, she was fetishizing and wrote for a similar crowd. But to me that ‘realization’ helped...I still don’t see how people can call it a masterpiece but I can at least understand hyping something you like up...

And like, badly written gay relationship or not; gay/straight,man/women, I see how people can find it hot. Exploring your sexuality through fictional characters isn’t necessarily a strictly straight girl phenomena. I probably have read fic that was exactly like this, I can’t judge anyone for it. But no one prints out the last PWP they read and goes, “this is ideal lgbt representation and nothing will ever be this good, the fact that it includes rape makes it so realistic” like????

(Is that part or an effect of the woke and purety culture? you can’t say ‘i like this book but it has flaws’ or ‘i’ve enjoyed this but it’s not up the feminism or lgbt acceptance that i preach/live’ so you have to pretend it’s flawless?)

And like, I do think novel!wangxian is a nightmare when it comes to lgbt representation and I do believe this is largely due to a cishet woman writing about gay men and fetishizing them (the fact that a lot of peoples arguments why novel!wangxian ‘is better’ boils down to ‘there’s kissing and sex’ is also pretty telling). And I am frightend and worried by some peoples response to it.

But is it really fair to see it as just that? It’s a problem sure, but that same thing happens in straight media (which I am admittedly not well versed in). Stephanie Meyer didn’t set out to write Edward Cullen to be a creep and non of the teenage girls that went crazy over him viewed it as such...Reylo fans (aside from some of them proclaiming Finn to be the real villain and saying it’s racist and misogynistic to not find Kylo Ren hot) found a way to view him threatening her as romantic and sexy, Loki fans that didn’t ship him with Thor usually fell into the camp of “he would be a perfect boyfriend” or “what if this OFC was his slave and he raped her everyday <3″... like ignoring/glorifying/romanticizing behaviours or exploring what kinks you might have through the safety of fictional characters and fictional settings isn’t JUST happening when it comes to ‘the gays’...

And not just specifically in fandom spaces either, a lot of ‘romantic’ movies include inappropriate touching, the boy/guy knowing better than the girl what she wants etc. And I absolutely do believe that that’s something that normalized these things for a lot of young girls and guys (I don’t want to get into this too much, I’ve really seen a change in the past few years, but before that it was pretty common for young boys to believe they need to keep pursuing and pressuring a girl that has said no, girls truly thought boys could die of blue balls, girls thought it was their duty as good girlfriends to let their boyfriends fuck them even when they weren’t in the mood, that they couldn’t talk about what they want in bed or what they don’t find enjoyable because ‘sex is for boys and girls get a relationship in exchange’ etc.).

And in much the same way movies have only relatively recently begun being called out for that, it’s also still pretty recently that they’re being called out for having their one queer coded character be a pedophile and a murder or whatever...Like, society as a whole becoming aware of these issues.

But do authors that publish their work with a specific target audience in mind have a responsibility to think about the effect it might have on them? (And I can already hear loud screams of ‘no way, it’s not your fault if your audience isn’t smart enough to understand that this bad thing is bad’, but I actually do believe in a way they do. That doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t write whatever you want, just maybe take a look at HOW you bring your point across. (We do KNOW people are influenced by what propaganda they’re consistantly fed. I mean, you wouldn’t write a pro-drugs childrens book...) )

What if the author isn’t aware of their bias and prejudices? Or their target audience isn’t their actual audience?

And do we, society and media, judge female and male authors differently when it comes to romance and sex in fiction? (The answer is yes btw) But also, where do we draw the line at calling something ‘badly written’ and calling it toxic? Can it be both? As I’ve said before, a lot of people claim that only the physical intimacy scenes of novel!wangxian are bad, because they’re badly written and OOC, some say the book as amazingly written and only the wangxian relationship is bad because the author doesn’t know how to write gay men. In my ‘hot take’ I essentially said that’s not necessarily bad writing so much as it’s simply an (okay, unintentional) toxic relationship. And would this relationship still come across as toxic (or badly written, whichever you want) if we didn’t know the author to be a cishet woman? Or if a gay man had written it? (my personal, eloquent answer for this is: yes, but differently.)

Which was really all just a rambly way to get to my point of: it’s not just fetishizing of gay men, it’s also the homophobia and self-inserting in a safe situation.

You can literally replace WWX in the novel with a female character and it wouldn’t change a thing. The author takes such an effort into building up this power imbalance in every aspect of their life that if WWX were a heroine nothing would change in this (sexist/ancient society) setting.

(And clearly this is something that appeals to people if you look at the amount of female!WWX fics...)

Not even the sex scenes. There are maybe two allusions in all of them combined that WWX might also have a dick but like, you can’t be sure and it sure as hell doesn’t need stimulation.

(and again, that could be written as a kink...but it’s just not.)

CQL is a gay love story. MDZS at it’s core is none of that.

But I also very much agree with your ‘to each their own’, like here I am criticizing and trying to find explanations and whatever, but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter why someone might like (or write) a book like this, I vastly prefer CQL!wangxian but people have their own reasons for not doing so.

The ‘problem’ really only lies in, as you said, people not being able to accept that it’s not a healthy relationship. Or claiming it to be perfect lgbt rep.

And because my brain can’t shut up today:

I also can’t stop thinking that the way some people ‘glorify’ the book as due to their age and ‘inexperience’.

When I was a pretty young kid and got into fanfiction, there was nothing but completely OOC!whump to be found in the first two fandoms I was in. And I loved it. It was YEARS later that I thought I might like to read something with the characters being...in character. What I’m trying to say, in different stages and phases of your life you might enjoy different things, for different reasons...and obviously, in that moment, you won’t think about ‘what appeals to me here/should this appeal to me/etc’.

I don’t mean inexperience as ‘sexual inexperience’ here, though of course that could be part of it, but also like, inexperience with this genre (is this the first book like this you read, or did you just read 50 in a row that all had the same unhealthy vibes?), with lgbt people and issues (do you know any lgbt people or is your only image of them either the cute boy you can’t have and don’t want to see with another girl or grown men in full kink gear in front of children during CSD? and also: do you think ‘i like this’ and that’s the end of it or do you notice how many people idolize this objectively unhealthy relationship and won’t allow critique on it...)

I...just wanted to say thanks really.

I just can’t stop rambling apparently and I know I mostly just repeated what you said or what I already said but in longer... I just really do feel very strongly about novel!wangxian and the perception of them and have actually at times felt very personally...worried/affected, by people’s acceptance and love of them and I just... have to try and make sense of it...

#i'll be honest rambling like this is very therapeutic and I'm glad some of you read the last one and send asks and agreed #and it's why i'll (try to) put this in the tags too...i like discussions but seeing ppl NOT going 'it's true love/perfect rep' love that #mdzs #mdzs meta #mxtx critical #i guess

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emptynarration · 4 years

Text

Headcanons about my version of Dark

PLEASE BE AWARE THAT NEARLY ALL OF THESE HCS ARE FROM TWO YEARS AGO thank

// “Headcanon” about my Dark:

// He is in the body of Damien, not the DA

// They basically swap roles in chapter three, were they were arguing about going to the groundskeeper or not. Damien relents going outside, but only if the DA stays with Celine.

// Dark is primarily the dark entity that was the house/manor had been. It’s the glue holding everything together and alive

// But it needs the parts of Damien and Celine to survive and have enough power to hold everything together and functioning. Thus not only the bad parts of them are in the body, but more of them.

// Things such as memories are lost to Dark. He has no distinctive memories of Damien’s or Celine’s life. He has the “memories” of what he had done when it was just the dark entity in the house/manor.

// But feelings stayed. The dark entity only had been able to feel rage and anger, hate and jealousy and Schadenfreude. But now it gained the feelings of Damien and Celine, all that it hadn’t before. Happiness, joy, love, sorrow, sadness, lust, etc. And those feelings pushed the worse ones, the ones it only could feel before, in the background, in favor of exploring the nice ones // Thus making my Dark so nice

// Dark does have a shell too

// It’s, like, the mixture of three powers mixed into one trying to maintain a normal human looking form // It usually cracks when Dark is feeling strong forceful emotions. Like anger or sadness, usually only. Because both of those can be expressed differently // And Dark’s soul-parts usually disagree on how to express their anger/sadness, so the shell cracks

// When his shell breaks, it is very painful for Dark actually. He can feel the pain of his broken bones from falling down a balcony, the pain of having gotten shot in the stomach. He can feel his very own being tearing at itself and apart -which would kill him // When his shell breaks, usually the dark entity bleeds out through the cracks and swallows everything. Which leaves the body behind in pain with two soul parts trying to settle down again

// If you were to find him in that state, he’d have no idea who he is. Neither Dark, nor Damien, nor Celine will spark any kind of memory. The dark entity has mostly left the body, so left are the leftovers of the two human’s souls. // Mayor or Seer might spark a response though. // All Dark really needs in that state is to calm down his feelings. The two soul parts need to calm down and agree on how to feel and express themselves, without fighting basically

// If you know him well enough, you could probably manage to talk with just one soul part. It’d be near impossible probably for one of the soul parts to be in control when the entity is back to hold them together, but it is possible

// if you find him with a broken shell, talking with just one soul part and trying to get what that art is feeling through and the other soul to stay silent, then you can better talk with it, until the entity comes back. Getting the soul part to stay in control is hard though

// There are days, and times, when a soul part can be in control without having the shell broken before hand. It usually happens after sleeping, and mostly never lasts long

/ have some more smaller headcanons:

/ Dark is constantly cold. Like, he’s cold to the touch. He’s basically a dead body, so he has no body heat himself. Or, not a lot of it. / He can get warm though, with warm showers/baths or being near something warm (like a fireplace, a heater, etc.)

/ Dark can bleed, but his blood is thicker than normal blood, and much much darker. (Ofc it’s also monochrome but shh) / Wounds heal very very badly on their own, so anything more or less bad needs to get stitched up to help it heal better. / Though he can use his powers to heal, but he doesn’t like it much

/ Dark can’t see colours. He sees everything in monochrome, as if the saturation was turned down, ya know? / He would be able to see the red and blue of his shell though

(next comes what i just typed up today)

after years of having this exist and half forgetting half remembering Let’s add some more headcanons to this bad boy!

/ continuing off the “can’t see colours”: it’s because of his aura. / dark can control his aura to some extend. he can let it spread out, or pull it back close to him. the most he can do is pull it so close to him that he himself is the only thing affected. this causes him to not being able to see colour. / his aura, when spread out, turns everyhting it touches monochrome. being inside of it is cold, and the ringing and creaking sounds are rather prominent. / if a person just enters the aura, or the aura spreads over them, it feels like being dropped into ice-water, though slowly gets a little better. its constantly chilly though

/ his body is covered in very faint “scars”, which look like broken glass shards. they start from around the gunshot wound in his stomach, and are spread out. They stop at his collarbones, close to his wrists and close to his ankles. They’re able to be hidden pretty well with long sleeves/long pants/etc. / these scars originated from his shell cracking, and especially breaking. when his shell cracks, they tend to hurt then, but not as badly as when the shell breaks

/ when his shell breaks, his aura spreads like a flood, and further than dark usually lets it. it turns everything into freezing temperatures, going so far as to actually freeze things, making it very hard to get to him to attempt help / when his shell is broken, his (grey) skin seems darker than normal, while his scars spread a little, and appear to glow slightly / his appearance is hard to grasp with a broken shell. he still seems like who he was before, while also appearing more like a mix of damien and celine -a sort of androgynous mixture, in a way

okay little headcanons time:

/ dark really likes to knit for relaxation! it’s quite calming, and a good break from everything else

/ he handles all the legal paperwork they have to do. mostly its for wilfords/bims/jims/etc studio space, as well as theyre “employees” and such. a lot of it is masking murders, disappearances, and such that the egos caused though. / dark also takes care largely of their home. it is a rather.. “magical” space, you could say. a lot of it comes from the entity’s influence, so dark has to keep check on that

/ he’s a pretty bad cook, actually. while he enjoys the act, he prefers to help someone instead of doing it all by himself. he’s not so good at cooking by himself.

while we’re on that topic:

/ Dark has no need for food, actually. His body is already dead, and survives largely off of the entity holding it all together. / Which also means that he doesn’t actually need to breathe. it’s a comfort thing to do so, especially because his brain likes to believe he actually needs to breathe. / sleep is technically also not necessary for survival, but, it makes living a lot easier. it gives his broken body a rest, as well as his mind.

okay what else...

/ dark is afraid of heights. very badly. / he’s also afraid of guns, and gets startled quite badly by loud, sudden, bang like noises

/ his bed is as soft as clouds look like, and he uses weighted blankets. he needs his mattress to form to his body to not shift it around, and the weight on top of him is a very big comfort. lay down on top of him pls

/ he’s used to fidgeting with his collar, and running his hands over the material of his suit is comforting to him

now, last but not least, p a i n

/ dark is always, at the very least, aching. his limbs feel heavy, and a lot of movements tend to hurt. / he has good and bad days. On good days, his pain is very tolerable, and doesn’t bother him much.

here’s some things that can be during bad pain days:

/ dark can lose finer motor skills, struggling with writing and holding utensils. / he can have problems with moving his arms. ranging from every movement of his arms hurting, to being unable to move them at all. / on very bad days, dark may be unable to move completely, paralysis setting in. it limits him to only head movements, which likely also hurt. he spends these days just laying in bed attempting to sleep it away / he only rarely struggles with his legs, thankfully. he has days where walking is hard, and he uses his cane to help him move.

i think that’s it úwù

#the other is speaking #personal ramblings #dark hc #darkiplier #long post

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imamotherfuckingstar-lord · 5 years

Text

A Second Chance

Steve Rogers x OFC

A/N: Set between Civil War and Infinity War. LISTEN GUYS I KNOW IT’S AN OC WITH STEVE BUT YOU HAVE TO READ THIS. I love it so much and it’s in first person, so just read it! Thank you @firefoxcaty for commissioning this!

Summary: Caty and Steve are each other’s person until the Accords divide them.

It started with the Accords, a thick well written document that Tony Stark had presented to the Avengers; and off the bat, everyone had disagreed on whether to sign it or not. There was no surprise on my end that Steve was the forerunner of the opposition, but man, it pissed me off. I remembered that night, after Tony said everyone had some time to think it over, I had read through half of the Accords. Around two in the morning my eyes started to hurt, and the words started to blur, so I went to find my best friend.

Steve was in the gym, abusing the punching bag as I walked in, admiring his ass a little, because the man had an ass. Although, that thought quickly vanished as they always did, when he turned to look at me.

“Can’t sleep either,” he asked. I walked over and asked if he’d mind the company. “Of course not, I can’t sleep, a lot on my mind…”

“I know, same,” I sighed, sitting down on the bench against the wall. He sat next to me and the two of us fell into that usual silence; the comforting one, where no one has to talk because it was enough the we were together. It was like that, Steve and I; close friends, confidants, the person you came to for those long deep conversations, the tough conversations. He was my person, in the Gray’s Anatomy sense and it had been like that for a while.

“So, I read some of the Accords.”

Steve’s eyes flickered over to me; his mouth pursed into a frown. “And?”

I shrugged, the edge of my shoulder touching his. “It makes sense.”

“You got to kidding me, Caty.”

His accusatory tone had surprised me and for a moment I wanted to punch him, and I had never felt that way before, not towards Steve; never him. Was he the one that was kidding? Sure, the Avengers had saved people, that was our job but at what cost? Tony had told me the story of the young man killed in Sokovia and we all had seen with our eyes all the collateral damage during all our battles. I had witnessed the people shouting for help, their lives slipping away as we rang victorious each time; the blood on my hands were just as red as the enemy, maybe more. I thought, yes, Steve would have his reservations, but come around eventually. Sitting next to him, his eyes wide in surprised, had made think different.

“Steve, Tony’s right, we have to sign.”

“Come on, that’s not freedom,” he argued, back pressing into the wall. “You want the government to decide what we do? The way SHIELD did? Hydra was running the show, what makes you think it won’t happen again?”

“Talk about paranoid.” I stood up from the bench and glared at the man, unable to understand. “People die because of us; innocent people and you think what you want trumps that?”

“No,” he replied coldly. “I don’t think that, but why should we have someone else tell us what we need to do?”

“You got to be shitting me,” I shouted, throwing my hands in defeat. “I can’t with you right now, I have some more reading to do. I mean, you should at least do that.”

I walked out the night, knowing in my heart that signing was the right thing to do, and if Steve refused, as did the others, things were going to hit the fan.

…

And they did.

History would show that the Avengers divided into two sides that ended in an airport fight; Steve vs. Tony, and I was certain Steve was on the wrong side. He had stood across from me, eyes zeroing in on me as everyone stood still for a moment, waiting for someone to say or do something. He called out my name, asked me to rethink my position.

“Caty, please.”

It hurt, badly, the pain in his voice as he said my name, and something snapped inside me. Clarity came over me and it was like I was seeing Steve for the first time. He was so pure in virtue and I knew he thought he was doing the right thing, and hell, maybe he was, but it all seemed to late. Just as Steve was certain signing was wrong, Tony was deadest on making sure everyone signs – he wanted the team to stick together, but I knew it wasn’t going down like that.

“I’m sorry, Steve,” I said to him, ignoring everyone else, because in that moment they didn’t matter. “Reconsider and we can fix this before it goes any further.”

He looked over to Bucky, a man who looked withered down and shook his head, holding up his shield. “I can’t.”

That’s how it started, the fight; teammate against teammate, friend against friend. Wanda had come for me; I fought her, holding my punches until I realized she wasn’t and before I could really fight, I was thrown yards away, arm broken in an instant. I shouted in pain and Steve saw me, rushed to my side, forgetting what was happening all around us.

“You’re going to be okay,” he reassured me, helping me sit up against a metal crate. His eyes drew down to mind and my heart raced as he touched my face. Blood from a cut on my forehead stained his fingertips and tears started to fall down my face. I hated feeling weak, but with Steve, it was different.

“See,” I whispered, closing my eyes for a moment to relish the way his hand felt on my skin. “We both have blood on our hands now.”

Steve’s head hung low for a moment before he took a deep breath and grazed around his surroundings. “I didn’t want this.”

“I know, but this is it now. What are you going to do, Steve?”

A part of me then wanted him to give up, to end it all, and when his blue eyes studied mine, I wanted him in a way I never realized. Sure, I noticed how attractive he was, I wasn’t blind, but it never occurred to me that it was more. That he meant more to me than being my person or that he was my person, and that’s why I was feeling these things now, realizing them now.

Tears, again, filled my eyes as he sighed. “I’m sorry, Caty.”

My lips trembled in pain, and not the physical kind; my heart was breaking because it seemed I wouldn’t be seeing Steve for a long time. I wouldn’t be able to spend time with him, going to baseball games and late movie showings, spend time talking about nothing as the night wore on. It was ending in the middle of an airport in Germany before it could even begin.

“God, I’m so sorry,” he repeated, his hand running through my hair. Slowly, he leaned in forehead against mine and for a second, I thought he’d kiss me, but he didn’t. Instead he took a deep breath and got up, saying he had to go.

“I know,” I nodded, holding my arm against my chest; it hurt almost as much as the entire conversation. “I know, Steve.”

He walked away then, not looking back and I felt it then, that it was for the best.

…

Something was going on in the city, I sensed it in the air as I walked out of the deli, lunch in hand. There was a strong rumble as I held on to a light pole, head whipping back and forth to try to figure out what was happening until my watch beeped. Rhodes had Tony make them for the remaining Avengers, they were faster than waiting for someone to answer a call. Touching the holo-screen pop up button, I saw Tony.

“We have a problem.”

“I can see that, where you at?”

He gave the location and said he’d send me a suit; twenty seconds later, a special mark he had made for me landed at my heels. Sighing, because I was damn hungry, I suited up and flew to Tony. I was shocked to see Bruce, then the wizard man and his friend, but none of that mattered because New York was being invaded again. The lot of us fought, but in the end, Tony and the wizard had disappeared, leaving Bruce and me alone. After a brief hug hello, because I hadn’t seen the man in a long time, he handed over a dated cell phone.

“You have to call, Cap; we need his help.”

“Tony didn’t explain to you everything that happened while you were gone, did he?”

Bruce shook his head in defeat. “He did, but none of that matters. Make the call.”

Staring at the cell in my hand and the chaos around us, I knew the past didn’t matter; Bruce was right, this was more than hurt feelings and longing, it was another fight all the Avengers needed to come together for. So, I sucked it up and pressed Steve’s name, hesitating for a moment as it started to ring until Bruce gave me a supportive nod.

It rang twice before he picked up, his voice hitting me like a ton of bricks; it felt magical, warm, and sad.

“Tony?”

“No,” I whispered, holding back tears. “It’s me.”

…

Bruce and I sat on the kitchen counter, a cup of coffee in each of our hands. I listened as he explained what had happened to him since Ultron and how he was in space, I joked that at least someone was able to go to space. The two of us laughed until we both heard voices in the other room; one was Rhodes, but the other I recognized immediately, and my face fell, as did my heart.

We both left our coffees in the kitchen as I followed Bruce towards the voices. He gave me a wild look when I shoved him first into the room and I watched as he hesitated before walking in, calling to Natasha, who looked different from the last time I saw her. Sam, Wanda, and Vision were looking worse for the wear, but my eyes were deadest on the man in front of them; Steve Rogers.

He had a beard, he looked good considering it all and when he saw me, his face lit up in a smile that said the past was the past; he was just happy to see me. I couldn’t move for a moment as he started towards me, the others gathering together for hellos and hugs. My chest ached and I wanted to cry, but I wanted to be tough too, so I didn’t.

I just watched as he stormed up to me, his mouth slightly opened, as though he was ready to speak all the things he wanted to for so long. I hadn’t seen him in about two years, but it felt like yesterday- the two of us at the airport, my broken arm and his conflicted heart. I wished I had said something then, but there was no time for that now.

“Steve,” I whispered as he embraced me in a warm, tight hug. “Steve…”

“I know,” he whispered back, his mouth close to my ear. He held my close, hands around my waist as he rested his chin on my shoulder. “God, I’ve missed you.”

Both hands slid up his back and my fingers caught the strands of hair at the nape of his neck. I touched them carefully and knew I couldn’t lose him again. Even though a big fight was coming, the big fight, I knew this was our second chance. Our first real chance at something more than friends, something more than what we had, and I wasn’t going to miss out this time.

“I’ve missed you too.”

#steve rogers #steve rogers x oc #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x reader #captain america x oc #captain America #marvel imagine

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avenger-hawk · 5 years

Note

Hello, it's me again. Thank you for answering my last question, I really apprecite how you give an elaborated answer, thoroughly explaining your point of view. My next question for you: is there any other character (or characters) that you would have like to see Sasuke interacting with, but in cannon he had very little contact or no contact at all? Why?

Hello again, and thanks for coming by~

This is a cool question, there isn’t just one character I’d have liked to see Sasuke interacting with more, mostly because I really love Sasuke’s interactions with almost anyone, some superficial fans see him as smug and arrogant or always brooding and ‘emo’ but to me he’s neither. He’s just aloof and usually lost in his own thoughts, and uninterested to most things with no problem in saying it, but when he is interested in something or someone he has his own cute way of showing it. But let me start with the list of characters.

Shikamaru

Both are very smart but in different ways. Both are observant and strategic. Both are usually lost in their own thoughts, one in contemplation of clouds and stuff, the other lost in memories and plans and considerations. Both are familiar with revenge, although one has been condemned and the other not at all. At his best Shikamaru is open-minded, as shown in the way he never had prejudices against N*ruto as a kid. I think in a post-ending setting he might be one of the first to actually talk to him because he knows how it feels to want revenge above everything, among all things, so he shouldn’t be one of those who judge him. At his worst, Shikamaru’s individuality has been brainwashed by Konoha like everyone else, so he might keep an eye on him cause he doesn’t trust him. Which means darker interactions and possibilities. Also his shadow jutsu is an interesting one in this setting.

Kiba

Sasuke loves animals. Kiba has a dog, actually Kiba is a sort of dog as well lol. He’s similar to N*ruto because of his assertive, loud, enthusiastic attitude but he’s less flashed out ofc, and he lacks N*ruto’s possessive, imposing and generally negative traits. Like I said here Akamaru would sense Sasuke’s kind soul and Kiba would follow his best friend’s ‘advice’. Sasuke would get along with Akamaru and Kiba would talk to him, Sasuke would not be talkative at all but he’d pet Akamaru a lot. Their interactions would be kinda like NS but healthier? But lol the word itself sounds so boring. Cuter sounds better. Also, Kiba being ‘beastlike’ in certain ways, and Sasuke being passive means possibility for dark imagery.

Sai

I’m really disappointed that except for fighting in the beginning they didn’t really interact in canon because Sai is his replacement…and tbh Team Yamato was much better, as a team, than Team7. Anyway. Sai and Sasuke have something in common: they both were loved and protected by their big brothers, who died, sacrificing themselves for them, in a way or another. It’s a lot in common, actually. I wrote a scene about this in my fic In Power We Entrust The Love Advocated. Both are blunt, but in a different way. Sasuke knows what he’s saying and why, if he steps over social norms it’s because he doesn’t care. Sai ignores social norms, he’s without filter and awkward, and he tries to learn with sometimes terrible results. Their interactions would be awkward and weird at first. Sai was Danzo’s subordinate, this would make Sasuke wary of him; but also, Sai was Danzo’s slave, he had no choice in this. Almost like Itachi. Sasuke would understand this very well. Also, my personal headcanon is that since Danzo formed Root after the massacre, he told Itachi’s story to those shinobi, both to teach them that shinobi must carry on every mission assigned no matter what, and to teach them that emotions are a bad thing. Sai would more or less know about Itachi and he would tell Sasuke, in a way that didn’t judge, but that instead admired him. And Sasuke would appreciate. Their interactions would be more relaxed then, but still there would be weird comments on Sai’s side.

Ino

I don’t ship them and I don’t care much about her but her desperate cry when he was sentenced to death impressed me very much. It doesn’t just show a girl’s crush, it shows real empathy and compassion for the destiny of a person she once had a crush on. Cause she did move on when she first got interested in Sai imo, like normal people do btw. So it would be cute to see a girl interact with him for real, with no secret agenda or smth.

Gaara

What a wasted potential their relationship was…in pt1 creepy monster Gaara was interested in him, before N*ruto took over. In pt2 Gaara acts like the Kazekage with a desperate broken Sasuke attacking their meeting, but he also sheds a tear for him. Gaara was really saved cause he was a monster. Sasuke isn’t and was never one, and he didn’t need to be saved but the narration pushes that direction. Gaara was interested in Sasuke’s fate in ep479, I think he would not judge him (his official Kazekage position aside) and he would like to bond with him somehow. Sasuke admires strength and Gaara is very strong, so he would not ignore him. And Sasuke talks about politics as well. Gaara would listen and talk as well. And he would stare at him a lot. But I wrote about this already. Besides there’s a lot of dark potential as well. Because imo it’s interesting to think that there’s still some darkness in his heart and somehow he’d let it out with a passive masochistic Sasuke who feels like he needs to atone for his sins.

Kisame

He was Itachi’s partner, he knows a lot about Itachi because he’s observant, and Sasuke is the one who killed his partner. He was snarky about it with Obito and Sasuke himself but I (like to) think that he was feeling something, like resentment, towards Sasuke for killing Itachi. After all, no matter his reasons, he sure preferred Itachi. I also like to think that during the time Sasuke and Team Taka stayed in Obito’s hideout as Akatsuki members, he made no mystery of the truth about Itachi, and I like to think that he asked Kisame about his brother. (which kinda opens to the dark stuff cause Kisame being angry at him because he killed Itachi…you got it)

Tobirama

I find him very interesting despite disagreeing with his politics, and I really liked his interactions with Sasuke, especially the way he first insulted his clan and rudely talked to him, but then he tried to protect him against Madara. And I liked how Sasuke humbly, pragmatically and with an open mind he listened to him without letting his feelings get in the way, without getting offended. I would have liked to fight together more, and to see him protecting him more actively, not being blocked by those black sticks. And I would have liked him to openly praise Sasuke and his abilities like he did in his mind.

Madara

I’ll forever be salty at how their interactions were little and not emotionally charged at all. I mean Sasuke is the last Uchiha alive and Madara was another founder, the former head of the clan…I get that he was fighting a war and I know he did show interest in Sasuke’s eyes (and he acknowledged the pain he felt to obtain them) and he did try to get him on his side, and I get that Sasuke was all hyped up to protect the village because Itachi, but still. Like, Madara’s plan was to create a new world, he could have told Sasuke, he could have told him that Itachi would have been there, since his allies Obito and Kabuto were defeated or being defeated. Ugh.

my madasasu tag. my madasasu edits and meta.

Orochimaru (&Kabuto)

I like all part2 interactions between them, and I really like the way they became after Orochimaru was brought back, but I’m also interested in their interactions in Otogakure, the way he trained Sasuke, the forbidden substances he got him to take, the forbidden jutsu he taught him and the forbidden things they required to be done (think whatever here lol). The way he trained Sasuke to take poisons and not be affected, I’m sure they were all painful and hard things to bear, and I’m sure than in part of them he was strapped to a table, and others he was really really exhausted and badly injured, after. Not to mention the way Orochimaru talked to him, how he manipulated him using Itachi and his weakness compared to him, how he was ‘kind’ to him in his creepy way. All the things Sasuke had to witness beside him and how he decided to free the prisoners, and Team Taka ofc. Speaking of which.

Team Taka

They did have a lot of interactions but I wanted more both pre ending and post ending. How Sasuke first met them, how he decided they were the ones he needed. Their travels, their conversations, their nightmares, their bonding moments.

Sasuke and Karin’s conversations. Both suffered great trauma, both lost their families.

Juugo being protective and loyal over Sasuke but also! his dark side coming out against him and Sasuke welcoming it and becoming his cage, but kinda getting hurt in the process.

Suigetsu admiring Sasuke and wanting to be noticed by him but being obnoxious and mischievous. And kinda sadistic. And Sasuke being ok with it cause he’s passive.

Special mentions, in and out of canon:

Deidara

I really loved their fight, the strategy, the contrast between their personalities. I like that both have an inferiority complex, especially towards Itachi, and they both worked hard to get stronger, but they act differently. Deidara is loud and apparently messy and he loudly brags his art and abilities, Sasuke is silent and calm and uninterested but he is proud of his achievements, as shown when he explains Deidara what he did and he points out that it’s chidori, not raikiri. His version of the jutsu. Other things in common? They’re both reckless with their bodies when it comes to achieve their goal. I’d love an AU where they interact, like my Akatsuki AU. It’s kinda like NS in a way. also.

Obito

They spent a lot of time together in canon but it’s not shown. It’s some of my canon behind the screen thingies, and I’d love to see any interactions between them. Obito knows the truth about Itachi, he knows Itachi while Sasuke doesn’t. He wants to know anything about his brother and I’m sure he asked him a lot. Obito told him stuff also because he needed to manipulate Sasuke against the village, but also because he feels some little attachment between the other Uchiha, just like he felt some for Itachi. There’s a scene that is always overlooked and that I liked a lot, in ep375 when Obito is about to be ‘killed’ by Kakashi and before he’s taken over by Madara, Sasuke is there and Obito refers to him as ‘fellow traitor’. I like that he kinda aknowledged Sasuke’s presence in that moment ok. To do such thing while Kakashi and Madara are clearly the strongest presences for him, I like to think that Sasuke left an impression on him.

(my obisasu tag and meta)

Shisui

I mean, in the filler non massacre arc. He did train Sasuke after all. I’d have liked to see more. But it’s no mystery, that arc inspired me greatly and if now I ship Shisasu even in other contexts it’s because of it.

my shisasu tag. my shisasu edits and meta.

Hiruzen

Only because I’d like Sasuke to tell him that he’s just as guilty as his buddy Danzo. That old a**hole.

#sasuke #shikasasu #kibasasu #deisasu #obisasu #madasasu #tobisasu #team taka #too many #vivalarevolution #vivalarevolution: bonds #vivalarevolution: visions #hostilecherry #long post

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mindblowndoeships · 5 years

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Hallaa can I get an astrology Skz ship? I'm Scorpio sun,Venus and mercury, Aquarius moon and mars and Pisces rising. Thank youu❤️❤️

Hey 🌸

From Stray Kids I ship you with Changbin! (Other matches are Minho and Chan)

Well well well.. Scorpio and Leo are either a great match or they hate each other xD But here I think it works. Changbin has a couple of water signs in his chart plus a Virgo venus, so he's gonna be attracted to the water element. Especially Pisces I think, 'cause Virgos love Pisces and they go pretty well together. When you have Pisces mars and rising you're probably a cute and nice Scorpio rather than a fierce one haha. I think Changbin's biggest weakness is pure, nice and kind people, who he can protect from the world. Not that Scorpios are bad people by any means, but people like to shit on them for no reason and that makes them defensive sometimes. Changbin has a Scorpio mars so naturally he's gonna relate to you and agree with your opinions. That'll make him interested and he'd want to get to know you better, to see what else you guys have in common. For him it's important that his partner supports him and doesn't turn against him when they disagree with something. Luckily I feel like you're a pretty down to earth person, who would want to avoid arguments at all costs. That way he'll take the lead in the relationship, so that his Leo pride doesn't get hurt, and you'll gladly follow, because it's easier like that and you have a lot of common ground anyways. You would want to be treated right and he'd want to be the one taking care of you and being the strong shoulder behind you. So everything just works out pretty well, your attraction and attachment to one another will be strong. You guys are both loyal and honest, which is great 'cause both of you can be jealous at times. With him you're gonna find security and commitment, he'll definitely treat you like there's no other one in the world for him. Without being too clingy or overbearing ofc, his Virgo moon keeps everything in lane xD He can get a bit controlling though, not knowing that he's heading in a wrong direction. But as long as you keep it real with him whenever something doesn't feel right, everything will be alright. Chan and Minho are good mathes too, but not as much as Changbin. For example with Chan I can't see a long term relationship happening, which isn't ideal for you. And with Minho, you guys are too similar, so a relationship between you might end up badly. But you can be great friends though.

Thank you for requesting! ❤

SHIPS ARE CLOSED!

My main account ➡ @mind666blown

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ourgreatergood · 6 years

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Crimes of Grindelwald - Thoughts

So, I’ve watched cog 2 times now, going in for the 3rd tonight! I would like to share my thoughts, so beware heavy spoilers.

So I really loved the film! I loved it even more the 2nd time around! I think it is amazing and complex and we’re really in for a hell of a ride with the next movies!

But first, there was a thing or 2 I didn’t like:

1) The Chupacabra scene. I was really excited to see Gellert showing a gentle side, comforting a beast and I really sensed a great opportunity at giving his character more depth and layers and they scarificed it for the regular semi-funny villain move. I mean, even if they wanted to show he is evil and doesn’t understand a few things like Newt does (especially in reference to the Niffler stealing the pendant and Newt saying he doesn’t understand the things he deems simple), I think they didn’t have to make it that deliberately cruel. It was just a missed chance I think.

2) Overall I think in this film the characters and their individual developement really had to cave in a bit for the sake of the storylines. I know this is neccessary, bc this really is the set up and they needed to get all of that in, but I still would have liked a bit more character exploration at times. And that goes with the fast scene changing and all as well and ofc that there are frustratingly many questions open now. (I appreciate and understand that, but it did cause a feeling of being overwhelmed and confused at first.)

Now about the things I did like:

1) Everything else, obviously.

2) Newt and Tina. I am not the biggest shipper, although I really want them to be together and all, but that Salamander Eyes Scene in the ministry was beautiful. Actually I think it was one of the most beautiful love talks I’ve ever seen on screen. It felt totally real and genuine and honest and so sweet. It was super IC, it was just perfect! Newtina shippers, you lucky folk, that was just so pure awesome!

3) Newt and Jacob. I mean I’ve been saying it before, I looove these two. I am so in love with their friendship! I really think there are not enough healthy, supportive, gentle male friendships on screen and this was really evrything I wanted! That portkey scene? Brilliant! Totally natural, they can hold hands in a platonic way, it’s not weird, it’s not unmanly, it’s just a sign of a great friendship. And then all the advice Jacob gives Newt and their reunion. Really amazing, I just loved it!

4) Moving to Jacob and Queenie. Jacob is just such an amazing, kind, good human being I really fell in love with him all over again! The way he treats Queenie, even though she is really something this film is just so loving and respectful, it’s everything. And Queenie? Oh my girl, I mean I’d believed she’s join Grindelwald and I think it does make a lot of sense with her character. But the way they did it was even better than I’d imagined! They made both so strong characters, who love each other so much, but who are also making a conscious choice to stick to what they believe is right, even if their loved one disagrees. Ofc that was super heartbreakingly tragic, but I think it is one of the best storylines and I am very curious to see where they will go with it.

5) History Reference. That gave me chills. Like really intense chills. I think it makes sense Grindelwald would use that vision to emphasise his point, but I also think he must be kind of afraid of it. I mean that was just... wow. I really loved Jacob’s reaction to it, that was so accurate, I think it really captured the fear of a war to come. And I think that really resonates.

6) Dumbledore. Ah I have to say, when Jude Law was first annouced, I was a bit skeptical, whether he was the right man for the job and I have to say: I couldn’t have done him any more wrong. He is perfect! Literally, he is everything I needed Dumbledore to be and more. And even tho we stay on the surface character - wise, Jude managed to get some hints, some depth into him already. Like all the emotions in his performance were just thrilling! Him at Hogwarts, teaching? I never wanted to go back to Hogwarts so badly. Him with Theseus and Leta? Amazing! With Newt? Perect! Talking about Grindelwald... sooo emotional, like I could go on, but you get it right?

7) Leta and Theseus. I really didn’t expect to like these two so much or their story with Newt, but they just did it so well. Like Leta is wonderful and so brave and a real friend to Newt and I loved that. And Theseus? I mean ofc he is the annoying big brother, but he’s got the right heart. He’s trying to listen to Dumbledore, even if it’s already too late. He is genuinely worried about Newt and I think Leta and Theseus really love each other just like that, which in the end also really broke my heart.

8) Grindelwald. I was even a lot more doubtful of Johnny than of Jude in the beginning, but again I was so wrong! His performance was simply stunning! That speech - if I didn’t know who he was and what he does, I have to say I might have been tempted to join him as well, so really huge compliment. The rest of the movie obviously he’s pretty dark, but it really shows he’s this genius schemer, he lets others do dirty work for him, he is super powerful as shown directly at the beginning and so persuasive! As I’ve said before, I think we’ve really only seen his darkest side and there’s a lot more to come and I loved that they hinted at that with that “everything I never had” on the rooftop!

9) Credence. Or Aurelius. What a shocker! I have to say it totally worked for me. I believed he was Corvus the whole movie and then was properly shocked at the end. I am not sure what to make of it just now, I’ve been mulling it over and over and timeline is funny (not impossible, but limited) and I just think we’re in for SO MUCH MORE and I can’t wait for an explanation of that! Very curious indeed. But any way, I have really grown more fond of Credence this time, I think he got more depth, more personality, I found the scene with Irma very touching and I loved his friendship with Nagini!

10) Nagini and Flamel. I would have thought these 2 would have bigger roles, but I think that’s still possible to come. Nonetheless I loved them. Especially Nagini was so gentle and supportive of Credence and her line at the end with Credence, that was simply amazing! Flamel was a bit funny ofc, very different from what I’d imagined, but I do hope we’ll get to see more of him.

11) Effects. I am not easily impressed by visual effects, but that Scene at the tomb? That was shockingly amazing! Just like the beasts. they were just so adorable and beautiful and I really liked that they still had a purpose in the story except for being cute, so I loved that as well.

12) Flashback. I mean, do I have to say more? My Grindeldore heart will live off of that scene for the next 2 years!

Fun Prediction at the end (Oh gosh, also so curious about these poems/predictions): I believe Crovus is alive and we’ll see him at some point.

So these were my 5 cents, feel free to come and talk to me about anything! I am still making up my mind about theories (especially concerning Aurelius).

#cog spoilers #protect the secrets #grindeldore #newt scamander #tina goldstein #queenie goldstein #jacob kowalski #albus dumbledore #gellert grindelwald #cog #fb #crimes of grindelwald #credence Barebone #nagini #nicolas flamel

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facelessxchurch · 5 years

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And just like SP, in a weak breeze of stale air, I’m back. Sorry to make you go through your blog to find the old asks. Nope. I’m assuming the castle is described as a bad place because it’s where the bad guys hang out lol. I thought it was interesting that Mev had a big banquet with his followers and Vile killing Aby elicited no reaction from him/Sef. I feel they would’ve felt really secure & that’s how Caisson was able get in undetected. /1

Sorry I should've been clearer, I meant Creed as a replacement not Aby. He was supposedly picked since he’d be easier to manipulate but he shows up in Mid looking like Bliss and now China owes him because he gave funding for the stupid bank. Yeah Aby is like Darq in Landy has no idea what her actual limitations are so which have to accept that she’s ~reeaallyy~ powerful. Eliza definitely isn’t going to make it out alive. Landy barely knew what to do with her after the events of DB. /2

Or the church for that matter. I vaguely remember the theory that magic is stored in the heart (I don't know if you wrote it or someone else) & that's why you can seal true names through it. It would explain how Aby still had power. Don’t mind me but I’ve been coming up with headcanons for Serafina before Bedlam possibly destroys them. The UN’s death was a ~1000 years ago, Mev served under Dagon’s grandfather which means he didn’t rise up until later. /3

I wanna say ‘Old Magic’ families exist & there being an aristocracy (you've written about this & I’m going to take what’s written in DB & run with it) which is how Mev meet Sef. Their marriage really pushed him up the ranks - going to borrow your HC - with him being an orphan he didn’t care much for the upturned noses at him for not being pedigree. Sef showed him how to navigate the world & make it work for him. Mev is more into order while Sef is structure. /4

He would handle the soldiers and intricate parts of battle/strategy & she’d weed out non-believers/traitors and ensure that any weak elements were removed and replaced with something/one more reliable. She could have helped Serpine/Vengeous without them knowing. Letting little bits of information slip, orchestrating from behind the curtains. Killing of the Council of Elders, the Grotesquery, the events at the farm & proof of the FO would 100% benefit the church. /5

I wouldn't be too sad if Sef turns out not to be a big worshipper & she’s just more interested in playing the game. Let me know what you think of these! You’re better at writing than me lol. Not thinking too hard until after I read BL & figure out how much canon I need to ignore. I’ve written about the stuff in the prior asks I’ll send later to separate HC from fist shaking. Be warned, there’s a lot because of how annoyed I am at Landy’s lovely allusions to China being like Hitler *rolls eyes*Wow, it’s been a while. I don’t really remember what I said tbh.The baquet makes sense since it seems like a good way to lift the sprits of his underlings tbh. The killing got no reaction from Sef/Mev bc they knew about it beforehand (and not reaction is one hell of a powermove!).It explains how macaroni boi got in undetected, but not how he didn’t get his throat exploded or set on fire after the first time he stabbed Mev! Uff, I hate the way Mev did sooooo much, I’m so not accepting it as canon.

Creed looking like Bliss? So like, bald?Yeah, I heard about the bank thing. Admittingly, the Dark Cathedral plotline is the only plotline that is even remotely interesting seeing how my favs haven’t made an in-person appearance so far.Yeah, Landy does have a bad habit of telling-and-not-showing.That’s a shame, I like Eliza. And the church is like the only faction I really care about (I’m always a slut for evil murder cults, especially if they are occult lmao).

Nope, that’s not my headcanon, that’s @ffoo-doodle‘s, here’s the link.

Huh? I thought he served under Dagon’s grandfather and THEN became an apprentice of the Unnamed since I don’t see the student of a half-god serving another mage, especially not after killing said half-god???

Good Mev/Sef headcanon with their meeting. But it conflicts with my own headcanon. I headcanon Mev as rising to power on his own using street-smarts and charisma to get mages to join him as he travels and preaches. Serpine follows him around and aids (in any way he can including financial). Mevs own little cult gets violent and the councils that would later become the Sanctuaries try to outlaw the worship of the Faceless Ones which Mevolent uses to unite the different church fractions under his banner to fight for ‘freedom of religion’. All the while he’s presenting himself as the good guy, as their savior and displays the sanctuaries as oppressiors. Later on more mages convert to the Faceless Church, not bc they worship the FO, but bc Mev is using the at the time recent witch hunts as a recruiting tool. And Mev and Sef only meet after he has already risen to power and is a king in his own right.

“Mev is more into order while Sef is structure.“

^^That sounds likely. I agree with that headcanon.

I do disagree with her helping Nef and Baron tho. Nef is too much of a wildcard, nobody can predict what he will do next and the only one that was able to control him was Mevolent. And Baron got played by the Diablerie who in turn got played by Batu and why would Sef slip information to a mortal? I heard that apparently Eliza was suppossed to be working for her the entire time tho.

I just don’t want Sef to be female!Mev or be as badly written as Aby/Darquesse/Murder Rose/ect. aka as over the top crazy for crazyness’-sake.Uff yeah, China’s plotline.... it’s pretty bad. And the WW2 stuff in the books annoys the living hell out of me bc I’m German aka my history lessons in school consisted out of 90% WW2, which ofc also includes reading war literature in my German class. Plus, interviewing WW2 survivors, first the jews, then later we had to stay for a week in an old concentration camp (Oranienburg, that’s near Berlin) the the guards house and interview Germans who lived near the KZ and so on and so on. I really don’t need a fat Irish man who got his WW2 knowledge from Hollywood preaching to me about this kind of stuff.

Btw you mentioned something about an ask with a link? I still haven’t gotten one. Did you not send it or is tumblr being trash again?

#answered #admin post #Anonymous

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flusteredmountainman · 5 years

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Since a bitch got sent one (1) ask only about. my ask meme that I created lol I’m going to go through and answer B) all of them bc i can... its selfcare.....

First 3 answers above the cut, other 47 below lmfao

Favourite of the main 6? I think the title of my blog speaks for itself lol

Least favourite of the main 6? Garbage stink piss man (Lucio)

Which of the main 6 do you want to slap the most? The aforementioned piss man but.... also kjaenfjkfea at times. Julian very badly because he’s just Like that but he’d probably enjoy that unfortunately

Which of the main 6 have the most similar interests to you? (favourite colour, flower, food, drink, season, hobbies etc.) Portia tbh!!! She’s a very sweet spring girl and I also have a fairly similar personality to her.

Who has the most tragic backstory? Mmmm.....muriel.......... I mean everyone has a pretty sad past but Muriel’s really is something else. The man is Heavily traumatised and I desperately want to give him a hug :(

Favourite side character? Mazelinka.... adopt me challenge kjaefkjnaf. i cant stop thinking about “goat bitch” what a fucking icon

Favourite animal friend? Faust!!!! shes a good girl!!!

Best/worst of the courtiers? fuck i dont remember any of their names but valerius is. hot basard. worst is vlastomil hands down im kinkshaming anyone who wants to fuck the worm

Fuck, marry, kill (asker’s choice) Well skajfnkajf I’ve shot myself in the foot but. TBH its like. Marry Muriel, fuck everyone else, kill Lucio (full disclosure I only just finished julians upright ending and haven’t played Nadia’s yet so this may change except for wanting to marry Muriel and kill Lucio lol)

Romance or fluff? (Muriel) Fluff!!!!! Muriel deserves all the affection in the whole wide world. He gets sick? Bundle him up in furs by the fire and cuddle up into him with a good book. You look at him once? he blushes. it really doesnt get fluffier than that ++ a lot of his character arc in general is going to be.... letting himself trust you............. which is. so fucking wholesome

Wild night out or quiet night in? ( Muriel ) Quiet night in lmfao. We’d just hang out inside drinking hot chocolate and talking until we fell asleep propped up against the wall in his tiny house having completely lost track of time.

Adventure or domesticity? ( Muriel ) I wanna say adventure because. I love travelling! I love going out and trying new things! And Muriel very does Not but I feel like getting him out of his comfort zone would do him some good! Starting small would probably be best, like maybe a tramp or going camping once in a while, then building up to bigger trips to other cities once you’ve convinced him you’ll both be ok as long as you’re prepared.

Cute date to the aquarium/zoo/park or elegant dinner date? ( Muriel ) I already answered this one B) I said: “ Definitely somewhere casual!!! I feel like he’d be most at ease somewhere like the park on a sunny day! Pick a nice grassy spot by a creek and bring a basket and have a really nice, chill picnic, and have a nap together in the early afternoon sun. Go for a walk after and talk about Plants (because i. am a biology student lol) and generally just have a really relaxing time. Give the man a flower? Tuck it behind his ear? and he’d die kjnaefjnaej. Alternatively….. aquarium………. “

Coffeshop AU, high-school/college AU or modern AU? Give a headcanon about the one you chose jnakfjkjaf coffe shop AUs are so cliched but I actually love them for the settings of meetcutes. You meet Muriel when he’s on his rounds as a part time dog walker around the block and you barrel straight into him coming out of the shop when you’re checking an email, spilling the (now cold) remnants of your beverage all over him. You apologise profusely and he shrugs it off, blushing over your fussing and awkwardly tries to excuse himself. You insist on helping him finish his walk with All these dogs, anyway, you like dogs so it’s no trouble, and he begrudgingly agrees to finish the interaction sooner. You end up having a nice chat with him and notice in the weeks after that he starts coming by the shop without the dogs during the times you’re usually around, even though he doesn’t drink coffee. Your conversations with him during these short interludes quickly become the highlight of your day, and you start to suspect, eventually, that he feels the same :)

If (Muriel) turned up on your doorstep at midnight covered in blood, how would you react? Well I’d clean it off.... of .......course............. 👀👀👀

You’re stranded on a desert island; which 2 of the main 6 do you want with you? Muriel of course not only because I adore him but he’s. also a mountain man. Handy. And Asra because hes a good good magic boy and can make sand into water so.... handy. also asra is just an incredibly blessed person so kajefnkjaef

If your apprentice could go back in time and change one thing before the events of the game, what would it be? lucios birth :^)

You’re sick; who do you want to take care of you and why? I think I’m becoming predictable but. Muriel kjaefnkjafnjf you took such good care of him so it’s only fair that he should return the favour. He’s got a surprisingly good bedside manner and is generally just very gentle. Cooks eggs and grumbles that you should be taking better care of yourself but when you say thanks for all his help he blushes and kinda. stands up slightly straighter bc hes secretly happy he can Help

If you were trapped in an elevator with one character for 8 hours, who would you want it to be and why? Jojaefafjoafe ok so. Porbably Portia because she seems 1. one of the least likely to panic and 2. Would have fucking great conversation the whole time.

Give a headcanon about Nadia She loves romcoms!!!! She would never ever admit it to anyone though, but she’s a huge sucker for romance stories in general. Cries at the end of mamma mia. Uses it as an excuse to snuggle all the way into your shoulder.

Give a headcanon about Asra He’s extremely lactose intolerant but he eats it anyway bc hes Chaotic and gives 0 fucks about how bad his guts feel afterwards, the cheese was Worth it dammit (and I say this bc thats also me kjaenfnef)

Give a headcanon about Julian Had a brief stint in his teen years where he unironically identified as sapiosexual

Give a headcanon about Portia She loves playing with hair/having her hair played with! Catch her falling asleep with her head in your lap as you weave your fingers through her hair.

Give a headcanon about Muriel I also already answered this one!: “ He’d be really into gardening if he knew how! Catch me digging up all the dirt around his house and planting herbs, flowers (*cough* forgetmenots *cough) and other medicinal plants, and some strawberries for when spring comes! “

Give a headcanon about Lucio Unironically identifies as sapiosexual now even though he’s a huge dumbass himself

Give a headcanon about a side character/the apprentice (asker’s choice) Nadia’s dad gets pegged

Give a popular opinion that you disagree with People calling Muriel a dom. have you. looked at this man. I have to laugh

Give an unpopular opinion Lucio sucks lol

Tarot or zodiac? Zodiac!!! Mostly bc I know exactly 0 things about tarot, I appreciate the aesthetic tho!

What is your patron major arcana? Oh worm I just looked at all the explanations in the wiki and tbh. The empress uh. dragged me with how much I ID with that (both reversed and upright) so akejfkjfae thats mine

Upright or reversed ending? Upright

Ot3? Me x muriel x asra (muriel has 2 hands and 2 tiny partners)

Brotp? jakjefnkanfe i love. portia and julians sibling banter. the good shit

Favourite non-apprentice-based ship? asriel............................. till i die............. (pordia is also fucking god tier)

Is the apprentice you, or your OC? thats just me bich kajefnkjnafe we living our best self indulgent lives

Tell me about your Apprentice(s) im a big bi mess and i would die for muriel and thats it really

Favourite piece of worldbuilding lore? already answered: “ I really love how much of a shithole Vesuvia is kjbanefknaefk like. No formal process of trial/law? Public executions just being how people Do things? someone fucking help this city lmfao”

Favourite background/location? ok i really love nopal bc of all the cacti but tbh like. really anywhere theres a lot of cool nature? the forest is fucking good

The Forest or Nopal? bring the cacti from nopal to muriel’s hut in the forest and it’s perfect

The Palace or the shop? thheeee shop. i like the palace but i think id get Overwhelmed not being able to just. be in my own space a lot lol

The Rowdy raven or the library? the library with a healthy amount of alcohol lol.

Favourite sprite?

43. Favourite character design? I !!!!!!!!! really. love Asra’s design bc of its howl callback but all the designs r fucking cool 44. Best masquerade outfit? Nadia’s..... glamorous..... 45. Best scene? Muriel. hugging. faust you and asra. hes so fucking wholesome ill cry...... or just straight up both of his books akjenfkjafn 46. Worst Scene? Honestly any containing lucio 47. Favourite song on the soundtrack? I love Crowd hammer! (predictable) but also memory 48. Best tale/bonus content? I dont remember names im terrible but i/ love the muriel one ofc kjneafkjn 49. Best CG?/ 50. Favourite memory?

#muriel #its not. an ask but imma tag it that way #asks #hcs #it speaks #nadia #lucio #julian #portia #asra #jaye writes

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tayegi · 7 years

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People act like these characters are all messed up but irl this would never happen. Well... it does! Sometimes we do things that on paper we know better, but when we're in that situation it doesn't go that well. Also saying OC needs to grow up and stop being stupid, I'm sorry ??? Jk knows EXACTLY what he's doing, and he knows OC didn't come to him because she's in love with him, he's a grown up who could have said "I don't want it cause you're obviously not in your right mind". (1/2)

babesaejimin said:(2/2) And regarding Mijoo, if JK was the one intercepting a confession from someone else to OC because he also liked her, people would say it's the most romantic and adorable thing ever. At least Mijoo came forward after OC confronted her and went to Jimin to tell the truth!

YES exacty! the double standards are disappointing :(

Anonymous said:Is it weird that I'm actually rooting for Mijoo and Jimin? Yes, she made a big choice but she has yet to really double down on it. She could have easily just jumped on Jimin after she hid the letter but she didn't. A year had passed and then OC and Kook were the ones who pushed her and Jimin together. Then not only had she never lied about it, she even told Jimin herself because of the guilt. Just because she did a crappy thing doesn't mean that she's a crappy person. P1/2

Anonymous said:If anything, the one who I want to pull aside and say "Oh, baby. No." is our OC because JUST SLEEPING WITH KOOK!! As a wise man once said, Playa Hater, you should love yourself! 2/2

oohhh i can kinda see that! i wouldnt define mijoo and jimin’s relationship as healthy, but at least theyre honest with each other!

Anonymous said:hi!! I am a loyal follower of yours and I really love your writing, so first of all thanks for sharing your amazing talent and work with the world. I really appreciate itAnonymous said:...I've grown so attached to it and I can't help but cry thinking about it! I swear I've never felt this way about a fic before, it got to me so badly that the only thing I hope for oc is to have a happy ending, please let her have one KJHFHDFJB thanks for always answering questions and for being so cool and great, hope you have an amazing day!

aw i actually have the entire fic planned out down to the very ending and idk it might annoy some ppl but you just have to wait and see what happens :)

Anonymous said:I’m honestly SOO excited/interested in how the OC and Jungkook’s relationship develops whether it ends up in them liking each other or just pure platonic friendship. I enjoy their banter and I feel they’re a great combo! I think he’ll end up being an important influence in her life but we’ll just have to wait and see (: great characters Lu!

yessss. i think theyre strangely compatible in a way that she and jimin are not... but well just have to see right? :) thanks for your ask!

Anonymous said:Everyone’s obviously fucked up but oc is in some deep shit, i hope later in the fic she figures out the fucked up things that SHE is doing because apparently she can call out ppl on their bullshit BUT hers, she needs to see a therapist (objectively and hypothetically speaking ofc, people who are this type of wreck less and impulsive personality should work on their behavior)

no i can def agree w/ this! but we’ve only seen her at her lowest and idk if thats enough to diagnose her w/ anything yet!

Anonymous said:I am personally the type of girl who once hurt by someone will forgive, but has a hard time forgetting. Who also has a hard time trusting the same person again. If I was in the main characters shoes, I’d forgive her (Minjoo) of course, but inside me there would always be a part that will be kind of disappointed. I disagree with the few anons that want her to die though, I mean, life happens... people screw people over. The main point is how you’re going to turn your life around in your favor. -N

no i totally understand that. i would be internally annoyed for a while. but the way mijoo tried to redeem herself might win me over

#new rules #babesaejimin #lu answers

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kaoarika · 5 years

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Dumb thing I gave my opinion about this morning and someone actually making me engaged in the comment section of a web*toon:

I generally avoid comment sections to discuss stuff that would take over 500 characters to make my whole point about it. Some times, I’m fine when I see ppl agreeing with me (in the same comment section), but other times, I suppose my opinion is “controversial” (I use quotation marks because it’s actually silly to call it “controversial”), because I’m applying IRL hindsight instead of willing my suspension of disbelief), but yeah.

So, I started binge reading this web*toon called “Yum*i’s Cel*ls”, I cannot believe it’s over 400 episodes, so ofc my decision in doing this as such was actually the wrong one (stuck right now in Ch 216), cuz I’m trying to devour EVERYTHING and it’s quite enjoyable, and I HAVE CRIED, even, at times.

I understand that there should be a “drama” rule when it’s about stuff about relationships and I suppose half of the problems in maaaaaany romance stories (I do accept I’m doing a bit of this too?) could be resolved with communication in any kind of relationship.

Some lack of it VERY BADLY *cough*KoiInu*cough*, and sometimes at least they try?

Okay, that being said, I’m going to explain some basic points before going forward.

YC is a romcom/drama with some Fantasy (biological, tho?) touches. It’s about a woman in her early 30s who had her heart closed up to anyone after a messy and sad breakup with her ex, but it kinda started changing when she had a crush with a guy who happens to work in the same company as her. Thing is, the guy isn’t interested in her, and is, instead, trying to set her up with a friend of his that might like her... and they eventually fall in love.

Then shenaningans happen, because OFC! It’s a romance/drama! *SIGH* I want to express a lot of my thoughts, but I’m going to synthetize them as muh as I can.

So, it happens that Yum*i’s bf, Woo*ng has a female bff that was ACTUALLY pining him for YEARS, but never did any kind of move... and he was also pining for her for YEARS, but eventually gave up. So, when he actually starts clicking with Yu*mi, the snake of a friend reveals her real scales, and start doing EVERYTHING in her own will to separate them :’) Also, Woo¨ng has some lingering feelings for his bff, like, HAH, ofc, he does. And he is freaking oblivious and dense about it.

There’s some obvious topics around that the series discusses like, “are men and women be allowed to be friends who aren’t pining each other” (IRL response, yes), but ofc the series doesn’t play it as such because... drama and usual tropes like “friends to lovers” (and like I said, both Woo*ng and S*ia were pining for each other at least a moment in their lives).

And heck, I do like the tope... if used and done well, of course. But, man, how I am still frustrated over this love triangle.

I mean, Yu*mi has her reasons to be jealous (because Si*a was purposely pining on her bf), but, Woo*ng is such a dense dude that, GOSH, bless his soul. Si*a was simply using the “best friend” card to do her duty as antagonist in this love triangle, and it made me so frustrated, because there’s ppl like that and trying to put her POV as “if winning his heart” would be a little nice romantic bs story to tell her grandchildren :/c. Yu*mi had all her right to hate and dislike her. But... Woo*ng was really in between a hard and rock place to choose what to do.

----------------------------

Here is the main point of this post and my opinion on that comment section, because at one moment, Woo*ng is realizing that Si*a is not having the best intentions of the world to still being his friend and “wanted something more” from their relationship.

Yu*mi straightly tells him that she dislikes Si*a. And Woo*ng response is similar, instead of “it’s complicated” (because he had lingering feelings for her, even though she is not in his Top 10 priorities, lmao). So, Yum*i "casts a spell” with him to get him out from awkward situations with her or any other woman. “My gf wouldn’t like that”, and, if they ask him “what? are you asking permission from your girlfriend over something like this? Are you whipped out by her?”, he would respond with his name “Woo*ng”.

Now, here is the issue I have with this (and technically I disagree with the majority of a 3-year-old comment section in this episode! Yay!). Sure, I get it, Yum*i was looking out for him, she is his gf. And Woo*ng is SO FREAKING DENSE, istg. So, this was some kind of way to declare that he was already "owned” by someone else, so “BACK OFF!”

But... I think, this could be worded soooo much better than what it is...

I mean, isn’t it bad hearing this same thing from a girl with a bf, right? So, is it OKAY from a guy’s perspective?? “I don’t think my s/o would like this” DEFINITELY sounds as anyone is “asking permission” to do something. It doesn’t sound good, no matter how you put it. No matter if the one saying it is a woman or a man or a nb person.

All I said was, “if this was worded better (instead of saying ’I don’t think my s/o would like that because (dumb reason)’, this couldn’t get interpreted wrong” If it was worded so MUCH better, perhaps the situation wouldn’t make it look bad from my POV. There are better ways to decline an invitation.

SURE, Si*a response was made to get through him as a way to prove her point, duh. Let alone, again, Woo*ng, being the dense guy he was, was being manipulated by Si*a using the “best friend card”, “what’s wrong in two friends watching a movie together?”.SURE, it’s nothing wrong, but your intentions are also gd CLEAR on this, such a manipulative b*tch you turned out to be :) .

There’s also this. Like, the way the translation uses “Woo*ng” as a way to respond to the “are you totally whipped by your gf?” is... UHM... debatable at best. In English, “Woo*ng” may sound similar to “wrong”, but... in Korean, apparently “Woo*ng” sounds like an informal “yes”, so... it’s like answering “Yes, I’m whipped out by my gf” in Korean... but “No, I’m not” in English... SOOO... Make that as you want.

I know discussing this might be stupid, because “fiction”, and my exp. in romantic relationships is pretty null at this point, but... I suppose you are also expecting something else from a series, you know? Because I’m simply cheering on the main couple of this series (at that point, spoiler!), and overall, Yum*i... Also, sometimes I lose some neurones in comment sections... *shrugs* and I was expressing my opinion on why I think the way it was portrayed was dubiously good.

I still think the way this all started was with how Woo*ng told Yum*i that he also “hated” Si*a as a way to avoid a fight... but Yum*i, although understandably jealous and would like him to stand out by himself and the like, was saying it as such... it could have been better, really. I know you are thinking in the good intentions of your s/o, but it would turn otherwise. A romantic relationship is mostly built around trust and compromise... not being possessive of your s/o (even if you don’t want to make it look as such). No matter how sly an outsider is and may be willing to separate you.

...

ALSO, don’t get me wrong, I love this series! It’s quite good (and WOW the change of art style over 4 years is astounding!) but I cannot not criticize some stuff here and there :) and boy, do I have some small issues around...

#kao's ramblings #spoilerish spoilers

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personasintro · 3 years

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me crying throughout that entire chapter thinking about the lack of sleep jungkook has driving her out like that and coming bUT ALSO GAS!! my heart hurts dear heavens she shouldve jus used a bus or a train or jus sucked it and gone the next day w kiko 😭😭 jus thinking about the gas money 🤕🤕

also yn bringing up the cheating to say "i dont go around saying u cheated to ppl"— yea u do that for jungkook, not for her ?? 😭 she uses every chance she gets to remind kiko about the cheating when she doesnt know jackshit about the concerned rs it's jus so 🥴🥴 im so glad hoseok said something like that to her at the end. bc yes at the end of the day we make decisions that are stupid, but friends are there to have our backs until the end. i cant help but feel like a lot of yn's behaviour prior haneul freak out was just....unwarranted (even tho at the time, i was 100% on her side). like yes kiko hurt jk and she can be protective over him and cautious for him too but the way she was hostile just looks a bit...too much? &knowing behaving like that would hurt jungkook too....like wow it kind of looks a bit selfish? I really understand jk more now, i shouldn't have seen it so one dimensionally. she didnt know kiko that well, and she still doesnt, doesnt know his rs that well either, but she decided to be hostile bc of what exactly? it wasnt like kiko was begging for jk back nor did it look like she was proud of her mistake? her mistake hurt jungkook, &he should be the only one to make a judgement out of it. like honestly, it just looks so immature looking back at it now. acting indifferent, etc whatever ok i can deal but being so cold to her like that almost makes me question why she thought that would be good. I feel soo bad for jungkook, it mustve hurt him sm since yn was so blatant about it too 😭😭 like i know why she did it and that it was bc she felt like it was being protective of jungkook but i wish she could reflect back on it bc she wasnt being protective at all but rather jus making things harder? &im so glad jungkook could explain more about his rs to her because it really looks like he loves kiko a lot and im so happy for him! their relationship is healing really well, i hope their trust rebuilds well too. kiko is a really good person and she's always has been, cheating is a mistake ofc but she's clearly regretful and working to redeem herself, and like i said it's jungkook's stance to make a judgement out of it, not anyone else's. ofc that doesnt mean we cant disagree but it doesnt give anyone the right to be hostile to her on the grounds of doing it for jk?? esp when u know how jk feels & how hard she's trying. i hope u understand me and im so sorry for the long ask!! yn annoyed me when she had jk drive her that far back anf forth jus cuz she cant sit w kiko and then i started thinking about how she was with her and it jus fueled it and thus came this very rare, anti yn take on her character.

[also this is jus a very personal take, i hope no one takes it as me saying yn is a bad friend or anything but rather jus another take on her actions. this isnt hate, i still love yn!!]

Gas money hahahaha you're the first person who's concerned about the gas money! True tho!

y/n did admit she was being selfish, I think in some extent you're right. No one is perfect and they all acted badly at some point in the story!

#ask #ask: mutual help

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canaryatlaw · 4 years

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okay well it’s late because I once again forgot to take my meds and didn’t get tired when I should but I took them now so that’s all we can do for now. today was alright, it was a lot with going to the courthouse and all. it’s just very odd from going from seeing like 1ish people a day (besides like walking by people if I do happen to go out) to being in a big building that’s supposed to be social distancing but is still absolutely flooded with people because people have rights and if they want to file for an emergency order of protection you can’t tell them no too full and lock them out. they still had that going during lockdown, where they’d have people come there, fill out the paperwork, then webcam in from the first floor of the courthouse to the judge on the second or third level. my agency was one of the ones who was like well that’s stupid and literally pushed them into allowing remote hearings, which has mostly been my work life since April. it’s good to be getting back to “normal” court somewhat at least. but I’m off track, anyway. I woke up at 10 and despite not being terribly early or me having stayed up terribly late I really did not want to get out of bed and was tempted to come up with some sort of story so I can go back to sleep, but alas, I persevered and got up. ubered over, things in the office were very hurry up and wait, either a time crunch for a small period of time and then a longer time with nothing to do. The door to our office suite was locked which it sometimes is and the front desk lady called someone to come unlock it and then they just like, didn’t, so I was just sitting there and then I got commissioned to go track down a motion someone in our org had filed that was hitting the wall for a reason that wasn’t an actual reason. so I had to go explain oh, we’re not representing them in this case, just filing (which is the speech I repeat to them every time we’re handling a case) and then it was oh well there’s no motion here and my boss had to be like bitch “petition” is literally the proper word for motion in this case and then it was about vacating orders and I repeated like 3 times this was a petition for a re-hearing, not vacating an order, and then there was something about fees and they eventually took it being like “well that’s what I’m gonna tell the judge, and we’ll see what he thinks” like surprise bitch the judge knew what was actually going on and agreed with us, not you. sigh. it’s always a delicate dance with the clerk’s office between being polite and occasionally having to make them do their jobs when they decide they don’t want to (I handed in an EOP filing today that has the 3 pm deadline and it was like 2:55 and I was READY for a fight, it’s not 3 yet do your fucking jobs, but thankfully it was just accepted without a fight, which was a relief because I’ve been there back when we were all in the office and the deadline was 4:30, banging on their door at 4:29 (not exaggerating) and demanding they do their damn jobs. it’s exhausting). Then when I went to pick up orders everyone was saying different things and one clerk was like “well you need to leave me a note by 11 that you want an order then come back at 2 to pick it up” like bitch do I look like a fucking gopher to you? you literally just have to pick up a paper on your desk and walk 10 feet to where you have a copy machine, make a copy and give it to us. THAT’S IT. sigh. it’s the DMV government worker lack of motivation to actually do their jobs right problem. whenever I had to dig in my heels with them but still don’t want them pissed at me in the future I always try to end with like “thank so much for your patience and help, I know everything is crazy right now but I really appreciate you taking the time to help me” and that tends to make people smile enough that they won’t just roll their eyes at me when I show up at their door in the future. there is the one guy who’s my in at the clerk’s office, he’s like in his 20s and really easy going and is like “hey baby” for every girl he knows but like it’s in a sweet adorable and not at all creepy way? And I’ve gone to him multiple times like help me pls and he’s always come through for me, the only issue is he tends to be a floater so he’s not always there when I need something. ah well. the other thing I did was a call for a court date next week when we’re bringing in a witness at the judge’s request. this is the client who is like 5 years older than me and she’s just SO COOL and I just want to be her friend so badly haha so I always like speaking with her. it’s been a really tough case because the dude is at least under the impression he’s a charming psychopath and he definitely does succeed in charming some people, I’ve had a few short conversations with him and he’s been amenable in a way that could be seen as charming but with everything I know about what he’s done I’m not gonna get caught up in there. I think the last time I saw him was at a court date in March when we were figuring things out and at one point the sheriff was bitching at him to do some stupid arbitrary thing like move back one bench or something they clearly just made up, and he looked at me and I just looked at the sheriff and then back to him and rolled my eyes, because it was very much a very common feeling because that stuff happens all the time. so we shared a small laugh but that was about it. I’m put in a weird position between needing to be professional and having to deal with a lot of slimy people. when there’s a lawyer on the other side of course a level of decorum is expected, and I’ve never really had an actual issue with a lawyer outside of them like, disagreeing with a motion but like, that’s their jobs I’m not going to hold that against him. but when the other part is self-represented, dealing with these dudes (and I’m saying dudes because I’ve personally only seen it from men in my limited experience) when I know every single awful thing they’ve done to my client and trying to be open with them is....frustrating, to say the least. The dude I was talking about yesterday who the judge kicked off the zoom call for being a fucking idiot, I had to spend like a whole morning going in circles with him about trying to reach and agreement and like, I also ofc know all of the super shitty things he’s done since then, but like, the amount of loathing I have towards this man is really here, and so I want to squash him like a bug whenever I get the opportunity to do so, but lately he’s been going out and getting himself squished (usually at his own fault) before I even get to him, and I mean, that makes my life easier haha. but that case is going off the rails and it’s really just a matter of time before he’s going to do something really desperate and extreme and all we can do is track his gps monitor that goes off and alerts my client that he’s close, and hope/pray the precautions we’ve put in place are enough to stop whatever he’s going to snap and finally do. I am really so fond of this client, she has daughters around my age and has sort of adopted me as one and always checks in with me to make sure I’m taking care of myself and everything is okay, and I know if anything happened to her I would be totally devastated and be very tempted to go find him and get the shit beaten out of him (or worse, depending on what happened). But I try not to think about that. I’ve gone so off track here haha lots of creeps who think they’re charming. but we had this phone call, it’s going to be an interesting court date because when we filed the motion we knew it was a long shot and probably wouldn’t get granted as we wanted it to be, but something needed to be done in the situation and this seemed like the best way to deal with it. but basically the judge had asked us to find a witness that it’s a really specific position to talk about the potential consequences for the dude (mainly if he can get reassigned or would just get fired) and we couldn’t quite get that, but we’re being resourceful and coming up with what we can and go from there. Okay, I’ve ranted way too much about work here, I left around 3:30 or so and ubered home, rest of the night was boring but relaxing which I will accept, I was kind of doing some work on different projects that had all required attention at the same time, but I was happy with the results. and yeah, I turned on the Jimmy Kimmel show for a few but he’s still out so it was a different host who was pretty funny, but not long afterwards I decided to shower and start getting ready for bed, and you basically know the story from there up until now. and now it’s past 2 and I do have a 8:45 wake up for court (maybe get to sleep after? we’ll see) so I am going to bed now. Goodnight babes. Stay strong.

#daily journal #September 2020

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