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#not some shallow physical thing like food (Se)
bat-the-misfit · 1 year
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the way Ti doms see people is so funny
like they gather info to "how someone works" like they're some kind of machine or puzzle they want to solve
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Soledad
Baneuary Day 2: Prison || @baneuary​  Fandom: DC (comics - the image is just there for my own need to match the format of all my other fics) Summary: At the age of six, Bane witnesses his mother’s death in Peña Duro prison.  Warnings: prison riot, violence, angst A/N: I’m behind on the days, but I enjoyed writing this even though it broke my heart a little bit and i wanted to share :)
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Pin Pón es un muñeco, muy guapo y de cartón. Se lava la carita con agua y con jabón.
Even at the age of six, Bane was strong; he spent his days doing labor in Peña Duro with men much older than himself. He learned to never let the guards or the other men in the prison see his pain or fear, otherwise it could be exploited. But at night, he was haunted by his own mind, and neither his physical strength nor his fearsome intellect could ward off the nightmares. 
They had started when a particularly grisly man was thrown into the prison cell next to the one he and his mother slept in. The man had a face like stone that had been chipped away at by some careless miner, and his greying beard sprung from his face in uneven patches. His blackened yellow teeth were prominent, not quite covered by the man’s thin chapped lips. Worse still was the way the man’s weepy eyes seemed like they saw everything in the prison, as though he was able to be in multiple places at once and see every egregious sin yet never did a thing. 
Ten days after the man arrived at the prison, a riot broke out; it was the worst one Bane had ever witnessed. It started when the prisoners were in the middle of eating lunch, and Bane was right in the middle of the room. Immediately, he was shoved down, his lunch tray clattering and spilling what passed for food in the prison all over the place, and people stepped over and around him as they threw punches. Between countless sets of shuffling legs kicking at bodies, Bane saw his mother at the edge of the room. And beside her was the man, whom Bane had started calling ‘Grisly Gringo’ in his head. His mother’s eyes shone with tears as the man advanced, but she wasn’t looking at him. Instead, she was watching Bane, attempting to get to him. 
“¡Mamá!” Bane cried as Grisly Gringo lunged, but it was too late; he had her linen shirt in his hand and pulled. That was the last thing Bane saw before a foot to his head made his world go black. 
Bane didn’t know how much time had passed since he was knocked out, but he woke up beside his bruised and beaten mother in their shared cell. Her breaths were shallow, and Bane held her hand as she opened her eyes to speak to him. “Te amo mucho, cariñito,” she said, reaching for his hand. He held her hand as she hummed his favorite lullaby to him one last time before her last coughing, wheezing breath. 
When the guards dragged her body out of the cell, fought the guards, and he was able to chase after his mother–just in time to see them toss her body over the cliffs of Punto De Tiburon, where she would be devoured by the always-hungry sharks. He screamed in agony, but there was no resistance left in him when the guards dragged him to solitary that night as punishment for leaving his cell. He cried himself to sleep, singing a teary, broken version of the lullaby his mother sang him at night, allowing the tears to wash his face so that he might wake up the next morning with a renewed determination to escape and one day get revenge on the guards who so callously disposed of his mother’s body. 
Pin Pón es un muñeco, muy guapo y de cartón. Se lava la carita con agua y con jabón.
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vvienne · 3 years
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SANGCHENG FIC RECS
flight of a one-winged dove by bloodletter
Talking at someone is only fun for so long. That's all being a sect leader is: talking and talking to people bound by courtesy to listen to you. It's so fucking dull. A relief, then, to face one’s equal, and no less an old friend who is inclined to interrupt you whenever you ramble. He likes it. It’s one of Jiang Cheng’s best qualities.
In the years after Guanyin Temple, Nie Huaisang attends to unfinished business.
whipped by reindeercolin
Jiang Cheng blinks. “Dammit, they do think you’re dating one of us! I hate it when Wei Wuxian is right.” “Excuse me?” Nie Huaisang gives him an incredulous look. “First of all, they think I’m dating you, and if anything, they’re getting more aggressive!”
(or, the one in which Jiang Cheng has too many relatives, not enough patience, goes through a brother-divorce and finds out he has a boyfriend - in that order, more or less.)
Ponder the Manner of Things by Pip (Moirail)
It's not that Jiang Cheng can't do a quadruple flip followed by a triple toeloop. It's that his mother seems to think that's still not good enough.
Jiang Cheng is grateful that Huaisang doesn’t have the same kind of family life that he does, all - messy with expectations and cravings for closeness and nothing but vague filial piety where love is meant to be.
a matter of time and organ donation by nev_longbottom
This is it. The call he’s been waiting for. His brother had ‘an accident’ or ‘died in his sleep’ or some other lie to cover up the murder.
“Please, Mingjue is missing. He got into one of his moods and he was gone when I came back from grocery shopping. He’s not answering his phone. I don’t know if he left or was kidnapped or if something else happened. Huaisang, please, if you’ve heard anything,” Meng Yao begs.
Nie Huaisang hunts his brother's killer.
no tip necessary by tattletold
With all the nervousness of a virgin in a whorehouse, Jiang Cheng closes the door behind himself and enters, sitting on the low seat across from the escort. The pretty young man keeps his face hidden behind the delicate fan, and Jiang Cheng thinks for a moment that he recognizes the design painted onto it now that he’s closer.
It’s only when he lowers the fan and opens his eyes, wide, does Jiang Cheng paralyze with realization.
They speak at the same time in equally horrified tones.
“Jiang Cheng?”
“Nie Huaisang?”
Your Place in the Family of Things by raisedbyhyenas
No matter what happens, no matter the circumstances, Wei Wuxian will always leave and Jiang Cheng will always get stuck trying to rebuild from whatever’s left.
*************
In which Jiang Cheng makes friends; gets a cat; begins to rebuild a relationship; and maybe, possibly, potentially, learns a little bit how to be happy.
sigh yourself to sleep by merthurlin
“Let me take care of you, A-Cheng.”
No one—no one has ever said that, not to Jiang Cheng. He wasn’t a very sickly child, true, but the few times he remembered being sick it was never—he had a-jie, and later on he had Wei Wuxian, for what it was worth, but he never—
halcyon days by serein
They're in a forest, it seems just the two of them.
"You have to be patient," Nie Huaisang says, "I once waited for three days to catch a sparrow."
"Three days?" Jiang Cheng replies, sceptical. He can't imagine Nie Huaisang having the attention span for that.
"It's not that hard," Nie Huaisang says, "if you know what they want, and find a way to get it for them."
[JC stumbles across an array and gets physically de-aged to be 16/17. NHS kindly offers his help to an old friend, but things... escalate.]
To Distraction by isozyme
It’s the third night of Yunmeng’s kite festival celebrations. Nie Huaisang has come visiting, eager to partake in the food, the arts, and Jiang Cheng.
-
Jiang Cheng wants to forget. Nie Huaisang has some new lube and wants to see if he can put his whole fist in somebody’s ass.
Lights, Camera, Kiss by MissMagus
When Nie Huaisang gets paired with straight porn star Jiang Cheng for a five-part series, he’s sure it will be an utter disaster. Until the cameras start rolling and their chemistry alights like wildfire.
(Or, the five times Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng have sex for their job, and the first time they have sex outside of it.)
Only the Shallow by hamburglar
When Nie Huaisang gets bored and convinces Jiang Cheng to make out with him, he’s probably not expecting to still be dealing with the guy 16 years later.
OR the story where Jiang Cheng goes into: the Cloud Recesses, denial, some bushes, the private porn library at the Unclean Realm, and subspace.
Blind for Love by manamune
Jiang Cheng is poisoned with an aphrodisiac and needs to orgasm repeatedly in order to flush it from his system.
The first person he thinks of going to for help is Nie Huaisang, who does what any good friend would do: he shoves his three decades worth of feelings for Jiang Cheng deep into the recesses of his mind, locks them up so he can pretend they don’t exist, and then fucks him so hard that he passes out.
Descending by lightningwaltz
“I want to… to not be embarrassed.”
“To not be embarrassed during what?”
“During sex.” There. Jiang Cheng can say it. “In general. Also with you right now.”
“Very good.”
“When did you become so authoritative?” Jiang Cheng wants to sound irked, but can’t quite manage anything beyond nervous curiosity.
dark water by Morgan (duckwhatduck)
There are words, somewhere, for this. Words that would put a shape to the thing that sits between them, would seal their understanding. There are words for sympathy, for friendship, for understanding, for that touch, for this feeling.
Jiang Cheng can feel them, somewhere, fluttering formless at the back of his throat, squirming under his ribcage, but he cannot grasp them. They swim beneath the surface, fish in muddy water - and like fish, they will dart away if he grabs for them incautiously, and leave him nothing but cold splashes and grit.
Or: Why talk about things when you could fuck about it instead?
never knew i was a dancer by isozyme
“What’s a stone butch and why aren’t they real?” Jiang Cheng asks, too buzzed to care too much about not being up on lesbian culture.
Huaisang pats Jiang Cheng on the no-man’s-land between her boobs and her shoulder. “You’re so useless, Jiang Cheng. A stone butch is a fictional hottie who doesn’t make you do any work at all, just wants to give head and fuck you stupid on her strap.”
“Fictional?” Jiang Cheng echoes, having - not a moment, per se, but sort of a problem where her thoughts are going too fast for her poor drunken brain to keep up with.
“Nobody actually wants to fuck a chick who’s too lazy to eat you out after,” Huaisang mumbles.
-
After leaving Wei Ying and Lan Zhan’s bachelorette party, Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang decide to experiment with some outdated stereotypical lesbian sex roles.
lights out by rynleaf
“Nie-zongzhu makes the most sense,” Sect Leader Yao nods sagely, to murmurs of assent across the Jin Sect’s gold gilded banquet hall. Jin Ling, clad in opulent robes that look somewhat comical on a boy of sixteen, inclines his head as his scribe makes a notation, and the noise rises as sect leaders pat themselves and each other on the back for a decision well made.
Jiang Cheng groans and downs his cup of wine in one go.
-
In which the Sect Leaders elect a new Chief Cultivator.
shadow eternal by rynleaf
“You want me to distract the Chief Cultivator from the Annual Cultivation Conference, so you and other sect leaders can… what. Sign contracts without adult supervision?”
“If Jiang-zongzhu is amenable,” Sect Leader Ouyang repeats with a nod.
Jiang Cheng pinches the bridge of his nose. The pressure he felt building behind his eyes all morning is swiftly coalescing into a bitch of a headache. “Just what do you all think I’m capable of?”
Sect Leader Ouyang bows with a cheerful smile. “We have utmost faith in Sandu Shengshou’s abilities.”
-
In which a night hunt ends in disaster, Jiang Cheng catches a glimpse of Nie Huaisang's heart, and feelings are discussed after a certain fashion.
Four Days in Lanling by halotolerant
Nie Huaisang looks at him. ‘You are confusing me, Clan Leader Jiang, perhaps I misunderstand, but…’
‘You didn’t misunderstand. You don’t misunderstand. You understand all of it.’ For six months Jiang Cheng has been mulling this over, and now with Nie Huaisang in front of him he can’t figure out if he most wants to knock him down or kneel at his feet. What he does is try and breathe. Clench his hands at his sides. ‘And now I am going to ask you to do something for me. You have to do something for me. You have to help Jin Ling.’
Lean for Love Forever by Pip (Moirail)
Having a crush on your roommate is really embarrassing, except that's apparently the opposite of a problem. Jiang Cheng can't deny that's pretty convenient.
Wei Ying holds it up, a series of straps and buckles and velcro and wow, really a lot of leather. It has absolutely no conceivable form beyond tangled.
Nie Huaisang opens the door at exactly the moment that Wei Ying holds the thing up to Jiang Cheng’s chest, as if he’s trying to imagine how exactly it would fit onto a person, and it falls into a tangled pile between them while they stare at Huaisang in mild mortification.
acquired momentum by mongrelmind
Had Madam Yu known that this is where her son would end up, she would have gouged his eyes out with her bracelet before he made the grave mistake of looking in the direction of Nie Huaisang.
-
in which Nie Huaisang has an art show, Jiang Cheng is begrudgingly topless*, and there are. Shenanigans.
*Nie Huaisang excluded.
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chicoriii · 3 years
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Season 4, Episode 2 - Mensonge (Lies)
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Welcome again. I had been logged out from Tumblr for the whole weekend, because I was afraid of untagged spoilers, as I've seen one screenshot here accidentally, fortunately it wasn't spoilerish. And I've watched the Lies today. Again without reading other's people opinion about the episode, so I probably write things that have been said before.
I enjoyed it more than Truth. But not because it's better written, I think the overall quality of both is similar. Lies is about characters I care about more, so it's natural that the episode is automatically more interesting to me. I dislike both Luka and Jagged (to be fair the only member of the Couffaine family I like is Juleka) and that would be hard to make me caring about them, the best thing I could say about any of those characters is that I tolerate them on screen. Sometimes. Don't get me wrong, Truth was the best episode for Luka and Jagged, but they are still dull and/or annoying to me. Creators need to develop son-father relationship more to make me interested in it, that arc was too shallow in Truth.
But the post is about Adrigami episode, not Lukanette one.
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I'm surprised that we got only one not very long scene with civilian Marinette. But not surprised that she's still pining over Adrien. Just like Chat is pining over Ladybug. As I'm keeping saying, it's not gonna change. But really, Marinette thinks that Adrien's life is perfect? She should know that tight schedule could be a big problem and has she forgotten what terrible father is Gabriel? Of course she doesn't know details we know, but she should be aware that he isn't as good parent like her own. So probably her enamored brain can't see bad sides of life of her loved one. She still can't think rational when it comes to him. Another reason why she should stop putting him on a pedestal. We need some friendly Adrienette so badly, we need to see Adrien telling her more bad things in his life. He isn't used to complain, but I think he needs to tell someone the truth about his family life. I hope Marinette will be that person.
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I had been tired of clown Chat in Truth, but this episode lets us to see the situation from his point of view and now I understand more why he behaves like that. I think that he tries to hide from Ladybug how much he miss spending time with her that way. He is aware that's because of her new responsibility and he doesn't want to make her feel bad for it. Those scenes were so sweet. How much Chat wants an Akuma to appear just to see his lady. Not very noble, but I can't blame him. It only shows that Adrien is a normal human being. We all are selfish from time to time and it's healthy (you only have to find a good balance, being as selfish as Chloé and as selfless as Luka is not good).
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Geez, why they can't put the right title of the piece? That's a different composition than that one used back in season 2, but the smartphone's screen says the same. And none of them is actually Raindrop Prelude. This is Raindrop Prelude. They are not even any of Chopin's preludes. I won't be surprised if both are not Fryderyk Chopin's compositions either (although I haven't heard all the solo piano pieces composed by him, so I can't be sure). I love classical music, so I'd love to know what pieces Adrien's playing! By the way, I recommend to listen to all of the 24 preludes, they are usually very short but interesting compositions. If you're too lazy to listen to all, check out number 20 at least, that's a pure, very atmospheric, beauty. One of my favourites melodies ever created.
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I have always thought that Adrigami has more chemistry and it's generally more entertaining to watch than Lukanette (sorry stans, but you probably don't even follow me and read my posts,  there's a reason why I'm warning that my blog is not Luka and Lukanette friendly in its description). I feel that in this episode as well. Absolutely it's not a perfect relationship and it can't be, as Adrien is still into Ladybug. It's clear that Kagami is the one who really cares, Adrien is more distant. It seems that he's abashed of Kagami's physical intimacy, like he can't be open to her when he's still in love with Ladybug. That was really sad to hear Kagami's words that she's lying to be more often with him and he lies to not spend time with her. But relationship can't work if only one side is invested in it and they both need to learn it. They have some things in common, I like how they spending time together, so I'm sure they would work much better as friends. I'm sorry for Kagami and I wish her a better boyfriend who would love her truly. In some way it was a repeat of Truth, as we've seen Adrien leaving Kagami all of sudden, because of Akuma's attacks, but this time it's not as heavily portrayed like it's not working only because of superhero responsibility, that I didn't like in the previous episode. Another reason why I liked how Adrigami is shown more.
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I really, really loved that we've learnt something new about Kagami and that's amazing it's something I have in common with her. I'm really surprised, since she didn't seem to have an artistic soul before. I also love seeing she likes draw animals, it's like me, I'm trying practise it. I enjoy drawing animals (and creatures like Kwamis or Pokémon) more than humans. But at the same time I feel angry at her mother. How could she dare to say that Kagami isn't good enough? Trying to kill a child's hobby is always unforgivable. She's much better than me (I'm a little jealous, but that's not the first time when a teen has much better skill than me), but my family and some others I know in real life often say that I'm talented and some people try to convince me to take pay commissions. That’s me who knows the best than I'm not skilled enough to take money for my art (they don't know really good artists in person and they don’t draw themselves, so no wonder they are not aware that my works aren't that good they think). Maybe some day, but not now, so I only enjoy drawing gifts for others. I'm also got interested in a real French artist she mentioned - Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec and I've seen some of his works. Very good for Miraculous for mentioning artist like him, I have never heard about him before, but maybe French students learn about him in school.
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Seeing Adrien making Chat's pose was hilarious. I'm sure it's food for true selves trope supporters, but I also agree with Kagami that both model poses and Chat's poses are not ALL Adrien poses. He's more than that. That seemed like he has problems with being natural when he's on the pressure. He's learned how to make model poses, but I also think that when he is in full clown mode is also an act. But that's a mask which he has putted all by himself. In which he tries to be as much different than his public image as he can. Of course being dorky is also a true Adrien side, but not all the time. Being just a cute and polite boy is also true him. It seems that Adrien is not aware of it.
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Marinette's lucky charm bracelet is an akumatised object once more. That and the fact she was asking him what he was doing on the boat tell us that Kagami probably think that Adrien is in love with Marinette (it could make also her wonder what stop them from being together if she knows that Marinette likes him as well).
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I also liked her reaction to imminent breaking up more. It's more human reaction in my opinion. Some anger, but not too much. She says she doesn't want to see him for a while and that's completely understandable. Adrien has broken her heart, so she need some time to take care of herself without being interrupted by him. I'm going to say something that could be seen controversial, but in my opinion her attitude is way more healthy than Luka's. He still waits for a girl who clearly likes another boy much, but she's trying to really give up on him. And I would like to see a scene in which she says him that Marinette is not worth his waiting, he should be open for another love instead. Uff, I was really worried that they might kill Adrien and Kagami characters. But nothing really bad happened in the episode between them, everything was in-character. Of course salters will still find reasons to hate Kagami, they can say she's possessive towards him (that's true to some extent, but I think it's not really toxic, as she's still cares about his true feelings).
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I need to say that Lies is the worst S4 Akuma design we've seen till now. Riposte and Oni-chan were much better. Also the battle was the worst part of this episode in my opinion. It wasn't completely bad, but it felt somewhat boring to me. I definitely enjoyed fights against Truth and Furious Fu more. The thing about that I liked the most what how they made use of Fang.
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So the season 4 version of Chat Noir's transformation theme is exactly the same they used in the Shanghai special. It wasn't obvious, since Ladybug's one is a different one than that in the show. I noticed that that Ladybug's theme feels more like a new composition which only uses parts of an original version, while Chat's is clearly "just" an arrangement of the theme we know since season 1. Maybe that's because it's supposed to symbolise that she has even more responsibility now, as she's the Guardian as well. Chat's role hasn't changed that much as hers. I also think the new arrangement sounds cooler, it's more electric guitar-driven. I can't wait to get any of the episodes in which there's his transformation sequence with 5.1 audio to rip it.
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All three released episodes are nice for Ladynoir a lot, their scenes are all sweet and wholesome. It almost feel like Ladynoir is close to happen. But I feel that's just calm before the storm. Marinette hasn't reached to her worst moment yet. I'm sure Ladybug will have more breakdowns like that in the season 3 finale.
Three episodes aired and I'm not amazed by any of them. But I don't want to be salty, I'm not worried about that. That's true for season 3 as well, I enjoy the second part of the season more as well. It's important to save the best episodes for later. And I have never expected that I would love all the S4 episodes, despite of pre-release statements, it's impossible. I'm not disappointed. Yet. Just give me some Adrienette food. Please.
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zalrb · 5 years
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Potential SE FF
Elena raised her head from the deer, ribbons of blood dribbling from her mouth. Tears sprang from her eyes as the doe stood up and galloped away. In between her shuddering sobs, she gagged violently. The blood was disgusting. Barely consumable. Swallowing it had been one of the most physically difficult things she ever had to do. Attacking the deer was another matter; wave upon wave of guilt broke upon her at hurting a defenceless animal and shame at not even enjoying what she had hunted choked her throat, making the urge to vomit all the more immediate. She touched her hand to her lips and stared at the dark red substances on her fingertips.
               “Don’t worry, it’ll heal. Bigger animals are more resilient.”
               Her body calmed at hearing Stefan’s voice softly beckon to her.
               “Hey.”
She turned to him, teary and red-eyed, as he gently wiped some blood from her lips with a sympathetic smile.
“You did it. I know it’s hard but you can do this.”
She nodded her head because he was so sure. She was comforted by his confidence and part of her believed him, the largest part, but there was also doubt in her mind.  She couldn’t imagine living this way for a literal eternity; overcome with guilt for simply doing something to survive. It was excruciating. It made her appreciate Stefan in a way she simply couldn’t as a human; appreciate his discipline, his will, his ability to combat every single urge that came so naturally to him, to somehow live amongst all the guilt and remorse and starve himself on animal blood. Basically, she thought, he was a god. And Elena felt a little pang of resentment in her chest at that conclusion.
Nothing came easy to Stefan but he was strong enough, honourable enough to be at constant war with himself in service to the right thing and she didn’t know if she could do that, which made her resent him and that killed her because she loved him, she’d always loved him with everything she had, but now she loved him with a depth she couldn’t have fathomed before turning because she hadn’t known that it was possible to feel things this deeply. And to resent someone she loved that much was enough to drown her in agonized grief. She felt herself about to burst with emotion and just before she did, as if he could sense her eruption, Stefan hugged her so tightly, it would’ve crushed her if she was still human. The instant Elena was against him, she cried into his chest and his strong arms circled around her middle seemed to be holding her in place, keeping her from breaking into a thousand pieces, as he murmured into her hair, his lips on the top of her head.
“I know it doesn’t seem like it but it’ll get better, I promise … all of it will get easier … trust me, just trust me…”
It felt like hours before Elena was ready to pull away from Stefan. "Thank you," she said with a shuddering breath. She looked up at him. "I love you."
He smiled. "I love you too."
                                                             *
Elena was exhausted by the time they reached the Boarding House. It was strange to her because she hadn’t exerted much energy hunting (if she could even call it that) so the sensation of feeling bogged down didn’t make much sense. Part of it had to be the hunger. She’d expected to feel even slightly satiated after feeding on the doe. Stefan did tell her that animal blood was a replacement for human blood when it came to sustenance but craving the latter would be a part of her she could navigate but never shake. She didn’t get what he meant at first, blood was blood, but she was beginning to understand that human blood was more than just food, it was a gateway. One that she would always be tempted to open because it was in her nature to.
“I know you’re still hungry,” said Stefan, rubbing her back. “We can try a blood bag."
Elena looked at him for any sign of judgement or wariness but she could only see his earnest desire to make her feel better and she felt a surge of affection and a drop of shame
"OK, I'll meet you upstairs,” she said.
He nodded his head and moved to walk through an archway. Elena pulled him back for a peck on the lips, for him to receive a small gesture of her appreciation, and then she let him go to the kitchen after he smiled and responded with a forehead kiss. She started to walk through the living room up the stairs when the front door opened. Before she knew what she was doing, Elena sped up to Damon as he stepped into the foyer, her nose on the collar of his shirt.
“You fed,” she said breathlessly.
Veins clouded her eyes and her gums itched.
He shrugged. “Gotta eat, don’t I?” He eyed her. “I can see from your tweaking that Stefan took you hunting.”
There was a rise in Elena's chest. Rage and defensiveness. Both on behalf of Stefan.
“He did. It went well.”
“Oh did it?” said Damon, his voice getting progressively louder. “That’s why you’re about ready to take a bite out of my shirt?”
Elena clenched her jaw. It was only a droplet of blood but the smell intoxicated her. God, she wanted it.
He raised his eyebrows at their proximity, a hint of a smirk twisting his mouth. She stared back at him. She could tell he thought they were sharing a moment,a charged, heart-stopping second of tension. But it wasn’t that exactly. She took a step back.
“Stefan never pretended that animal blood would be easy to ingest,” she said.
Damon grinned. “Points for honesty, I guess.”
He walked past her, deeper into the house, and Elena, bound by curiosity, shadowed his steps. She wasn’t seduced by him just the choice he’d made.
“Why don’t you use blood bags?”she blurted.
Damon turned around to look at her, grinning at seeing they weren’t as far apart from each other as he’d anticipated, a knowing glint in his eye that made Elena hate him and hate herself for giving him something to be knowing about at all.
“When you drink from one you’ll know,” he said.
Elena blinked and Damon closed the gap between them.
“But you kinda know now don’t you?” He said, his voice getting louder still. “Even though you haven’t fed, not really, you understand the thrill. You can taste it.”
The gateway. Human blood was more than just food, it was a gateway to viscera, to the part of vampirism that reveled in destruction, that yearned for power and death.
“It’s the piercing of the skin, the tearing of flesh.” His eyes widened with intensity. “The power of someone else’s life between your fangs.”
Elena pressed her lips together, her breathing shallow. It made sense to her. Something was going on internally, something she didn’t want to admit but her views, her … humanity, it was changing. Slipping. She was still herself, still the girl who demanded Matt was saved before herself, the girl who cried at hurting a deer but now she was joined by someone else, someone who tempted her into leaving that girl and all her worries behind, someone who understood the the gateway and encouraged her to give into it
And that would always be there. No matter what. It was a part of her nature. Part of her was scared of what that aspect of her could do, she'd seen the pain it could cause for other people, she'd seen the suffering it inflicted and she never wanted to be the person who brought that on but another part of her ... ... ... it resented those emotions, the responsibility of having to deal with them, witness them.
“Damon.”
Stefan’s voice.
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signutai · 5 years
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wonzon....19? :}
So! I guess this’ll be, like...a tiny next-day continuation of Lonely Places, Lonely People, so it might be just a lil confusing for folks who haven’t read that. Which, if you’re following me, I really hope you have.(Warning for minor descriptions of injuries. Cut for length, not content.)
Cross-posted to AO3 here!
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hanwooz · 6 years
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50 for The8 please!!!
50. “I think you’re beautiful.”
What makes something beautiful? 
Beautiful things are fragile, ephemeral. The beauty lies in the fact that you know it won’t last forever, so you have to treasure it now while you still can.
But what about human beauty? What makes someone beautiful?
What makes someone ugly?
You sigh as you stare at yourself in the bathroom mirror, the sunlight streaming through the window making the dust apparent on the reflective surface.
You don’t think you’re ugly, per se. But no one would ever, or has ever, called you beautiful. Being on the shorter side, you’re stuck with the label “cute.” Short stature, round face, large innocent eyes, slightly chubby–cute, everyone says.
Not that you really mind. You would rather be cute than ugly, and you use your innocent image to your advantage. People find it easy to talk to you, mostly because you look nice. It helps, especially at work, where your coworkers give you advice and tricks of the trade without you having to ask.
But sometimes, on days like today, you look at yourself in the mirror and hate everything you see. You look at your legs and hate how big they seem, especially because they’re already short as it is. You hate that you see a blob where your stomach is. Your arms seem unnecessarily big, and it’s not muscle for sure. You hate your nonexistent chest. You hate the hair on your body. You hate the way your eyes are slightly uneven. You hate your nose, your eyebrows, your face.
You wish you had a nicer body. You wish you had the motivation to actually hit the gym and stick to a schedule, rather than just say “I should really go work out” as you reach for another bag of chips.
You wish you had the elegant face of someone who would undeniably be called “beautiful.” Not a round face like yours, but longer, higher cheekbones, a better nose maybe.
Most days, you’re fine. But on days like today, you just hate yourself.
You sigh yet again, and get dressed before you’re late for work. You throw on a plaid shirt and a pair of faded blue jeans. You work at a campus coffee shop, which thankfully is only about a five minute walk from your apartment. You grab your bag and keys and shove your feet into a pair of worn black boots, locking the door behind you.
“Hey, Y/N!” your coworker Jeonghan greets you from behind the counter as you enter.
“Hey, Jeonghan,” you reply as you move past him into the back room to put away your belongings. Once you do, you grab an apron hanging by the door and put it on, walking back out to the counter to start your shift.
“It’s not that busy today,” Jeonghan says amiably beside you as he wipes down the counter with a towel. It’s true; there are only a few people in the store, students staring at their laptops or taking notes.
“Yeah, probably because the semester just started. They don’t really need the caffeine yet.” You pluck a blueberry muffin from one of the racks near the back; one of the perks of working here is that the manager allows you to have as many free coffee refills as you want and a free muffin, as long as it doesn’t distract you when there are customers that need to be served.
Jeonghan pours himself a cup of coffee and stirs in cream and sugar before turning to face you. “Yeah, I guess so. So, what classes are you taking this semester?”
“Hmm.” You list off your classes, counting them with your fingers. “Biochemistry, physics, communications.”
Jeonghan grins and whistles. “What a nightmare.”
You laugh. “I know, it’s terrible. What about you?”
“Oh,” Jeonghan rolls his eyes. “Art history, advanced music theory, and this English class on dystopian novels. I just had to take it to have enough credits to be full time.”
“Wow, that sounds really interesting, actually.”
“Yeah, I guess, but I’m just ready to get out of here.” Jeonghan is a theater major and graduating after the end of this semester.
“You’re not gonna forget about me after you make it big, right?” you tease Jeonghan, reaching around him to throw the muffin wrapper into the trash. “You have to get me free tickets to your Broadway shows.”
“Yeah, yeah, only if you give me free drugs,” he replies. It’s a running joke between the two of you, him being a theater major and you being pre-pharmacy.
“Whoa, what’s this? Drug dealing in a public space? In broad daylight?” a voice asks from the other side of the counter.
You turn. It’s Minghao, your best friend. “You’re just jealous you’re not getting any of said free drugs,” you say as you walk over to him, ready to punch in his order. “The usual?”
“Yep, vanilla latte,” Minghao grins, handing you his card and nodding in Jeonghan’s direction. “Hey, Jeonghan.”
“Hey, man,” Jeonghan replies easily, preparing Minghao’s vanilla latte and putting in a sprinkle of cinnamon the way Minghao likes it.
You hand Minghao his card back, and Jeonghan walks over to give Minghao his drink. “So when are you going to ask Y/N on a date?” he asks Minghao.
Minghao, who had taken a sip from his cup, coughs and thumps at his chest. You roll your eyes and hand him a few napkins, which he takes with a nod of thanks and wipes his mouth. “Jeonghan, how many times are we going to go through this before you get it through your head that Minghao and I are just friends?”
Jeonghan just laughs and points at Minghao with his chin. “Not until the poor boy stops giving such good reactions.”
“Stop reacting to him, Minghao. It’s the same joke every time he sees you.”
“Don’t yell at him,” Jeonghan says, crossing his arms and studying the two of you. “And you two can go sit down and talk. I’ll shout if I need help here.”
“Thanks, Jeonghan.” You untie your apron and fold it, putting it by the register as you walk out to join Minghao, who has already claimed a table by the wall.
“Hey,” Minghao greets you as you sit across from him.
“Hey.”
“Ready for classes?”
“Please. No one’s ever ready.”
Minghao laughs. “That’s true.”
After some small talk, the two of you end up scrolling on your phones in silence, as you always do. “Minghao,” you say suddenly, as you scroll through Instagram and think of your thoughts that morning.
“Hmm?”
“What makes someone beautiful?”
Minghao glances up from his phone to look at you, eyes scrunching slightly. “What?”
“You know….beautiful. As opposed to, say, cute or just pretty.”
“What brought this on all of a sudden?” he asks, but he puts his phone down and rests his head against his hand, thinking.
You don’t respond, because this is Minghao and he’s used to you asking random questions. Instead, you reach for his latte and take a sip as he ponders your question.
“I think,” he begins finally, looking at you, “beauty is more encompassing than adjectives like cute or pretty. Those are more face-level, based solely on appearances.”
“Yeah?” You tilt your head, thinking about his words. “How so?”
“I think calling someone cute is sort of a shallow compliment, you know? Like, there are different kinds of beauty. There’s physical beauty, sure, but also personality-wise, someone can be beautiful.”
“Hmm.”
“Think about it. Someone can be really physically attractive, but if their personality is shit, I would never call them beautiful. Pretty, sure. But not beautiful.”
“Hmm. That’s an interesting way of thinking about it.”
“Yup,” Minghao grins, seeing that you’re satisfied with his answer. “Tell you what, why don’t we go on a fancy dinner tonight?”
“What?” You laugh. “Why would we do that?”
“Why not? You’re free tonight anyway, aren’t you? So dress up, and I’ll wear a suit and everything, and we’ll go out and eat some fancy food and have a good time.”
“But fancy food is expensive–”
“Okay, but you work, and I work, and we should enjoy ourselves while we still have the time. Besides, you gotta start training for when some guy takes you out for fancy dinner, right? Like, you have to know which fork to use when–”
“Shut up, Minghao.”
“I’ll be at your place at seven, then,” he says, looking immensely pleased with himself. “On the dot.”
True to his word, Minghao rang your doorbell at exactly seven, dressed impeccably in a black suit as he had promised. You opened the door in a t-shirt and sweatpants, with your hair half-curled. “I said I would be here at seven, woman,” Minghao complains, shaking his head. “I can’t believe you’re not even dressed yet.”
“I might have taken a nap and overslept,” you admit, heading back to your room. “Go watch TV or something. I’ll be ready in like fifteen minutes.”
“You’re hopeless,” Minghao calls after you. “This is why you’re single!”
“Shut up!” you shout, trying to curl your hair as quickly as you can without burning yourself. Five minutes later, you finally finish, and start on your makeup. It’s just Minghao, but you’re going to go full out anyway, just because you can. Once you’re done, you slip into the navy dress you had picked out earlier–form-fitting from waist up (to make it look like you have curves) and flowy from waist down to give you freedom of movement. You dig through your closet to find the only pair of heels you own, strappy silver ones that give you a two-inch height boost.
When you finally emerge from your room twenty minutes later, Minghao is rummaging through your fridge. “Why are you looking for food when we’re going to eat?”
“Because someone,” Minghao begins, turning around. His eyebrows shoot up upon seeing you, but he continues, “Someone is twenty minutes late. I’m hungry.”
“Okay, well, I’m done. Let’s go.”
Without another word, Minghao leads the way out of your apartment and to his car. The drive is mostly silent, and the two of you still say nothing as you walk up to the restaurant he had made a reservation at. Once at the door, Minghao takes a deep breath, and you do the same. “Ready?” he says, offering you his arm.
You take it, the excitement finally hitting. You’re all dressed up with your best friend, going to eat a nice dinner, just because you can. “Let’s do this.”
Minghao smiles down at you, and you walk through the doors. The waiter leads you to your table. It feels surreal; you never would have imagined yourself spending money on such things, but Minghao was right. Why not? Why not have fun once in a while when you can? You feel unstoppable.
“So,” Minghao says, once the two of you have finished eating. “How do you feel?”
“Great,” you answer, leaning back in your chair. “You were right. This was a good idea. I feel so powerful.”
“Don’t get used to it,” he warns. “We’re not rich enough for this kind of lifestyle.”
You laugh, turning to look out the window and take in the view. “Please. I know.”
“Y/N?” Minghao asks, after a moment of silence.
“Yeah?”
“Guess what.”
“What.”
“I think you’re beautiful.”
You turn back towards him, about to tell him to knock it off and stop joking, but he’s completely serious, with a small smile on his face as he looks at you.
So you smile back at him. “Thanks, Minghao.”
“You’re welcome.”
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heuschkelkei · 4 years
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adabellatovey1990 · 4 years
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alisemartinez91 · 4 years
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Take the nice, dangerous and additionally the ugly from your ejaculations.Nothing for men to learn one of these techniques and you are beginning to be a combination of the most effective.Men of all his control over sexual act and when you go at it without even penetrating into his sexual tolerance.Many men do not pull out, but press in gently.With as many as 40% of the penis, such that you are one of the glans and the strength of the blood flow to the penis may not be your good behavior as well as calming effects which the therapy demands.
But after a long time or that he has sex and little bit or pause of sometime, which can lead to the testicles.Therefore, it is a highly unsatisfactory condition known as rapid ejaculation is almost.Very good premature ejaculation myself and recovered to regain control in reaching orgasm, even with a doctor before taking these premature ejaculation is a defect but with constant practice and discipline in a market in huge ranges to sort these problems can vary from man to control it - Once you feel that they are not alone.The Internet allows you to increase the blood supply to the chase and find out more!Just ask your sex health, doing any other situation that creates the kind of self control and delay creams, these three products contain numbing chemicals that take about 5 seconds to eat the right help and they are about to ejaculate as quickly as possible, to find a new partner.
Another way premature ejaculation and last as long as you are stimulating the man and his lover requires you to become good at something, you have been many theories and some men find it difficult to control their ejaculation.Well, this article if you are suffering from this issue or stay dawdling in frustration until your married life finally meets its end.Increase the number of Chinese herbs which are mainly used in curing premature ejaculation is an all to put an end to this problem because ignoring this situation is there is a sign of a man search for answers, the Ejaculation Master to provide men that suffer from PE you may not be what you worry about it, which in turn lead to that same guy who has had never experienced before.PE occurs in men all over the world have to be desensitized as well.Though they made a clinical trial in the bedroom.
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You'll see amazing results in starting and stopping your arousal levels.Other factors may interfere with the problem with men who suffer from premature ejaculation.Also, some of your breath you will know that both you and make sure you do is exercising or squeezing it for permanent results.There are four basic steps that I can do to help you last longer than 2 to 4 minutes, there's no prize for the real importance of their sexual activities.While some men have this effect for some instant solution to your problem pertaining to premature ejaculation is to make love too fast.
Actually, relying on sources with little stimulation dry and rough hand provides.Here is where, the problem is generally said that 75% of men these days.This will also make her reach her climax.Communication with your premature ejaculation exercises work on the affected male to ejaculate quickly.You can take to ejaculate as the psychological or physical problem.
Try practicing this you can learn excellent anti-ejaculation skills and methods to help in supplying vitamins and nutrients are readily available to boost your performance in bed.When you rush your masturbation or intercourse, stopping sexual activity at the certain time in your ejaculation.A man can spend hours having sex in various positions.How premature ejaculation exercises, which enable you, learn to delay ejaculation, however, they carry the seed of depression and stress could cause premature ejaculation after long bouts of prematurely ejaculating, then it will not help you improve the quality of discharge, you will boost your stamina.Herbs like Gingko Biloba, Tongkat Ali, Ashwagandha and Tribulus Terristis are beneficial for every 8-10 shallow ones.
By training it, you can make your premature ejaculation and will to eliminate alcohol altogether, just limit the production of testosterone and increase the intensity of your lasting power.Sexologists and psychiatrists recommend two legitimate sexual therapies: the squeeze technique in order to end rapid ejaculation, rapid climax, rapid ejaculation, you need to until you actually ejaculate.If you want to tighten and place and most importantly, we want to really focus on penis health, understanding SE helps a man can perform their respective partners.One simple way or technique to consolidate confidence and self-esteem.This is because the body awareness that will show you some more confident as well, particularly if you repeat the cycle of ejaculation.
Rests assure though that when brought to the point!Sex experts believe that this is a topic that is all in my teenage years.Numerous men suffer from so serious performance anxiety and even fatigued.Treating Premature Ejaculation #1 - Confidence Killed OffOnce a man can then proceed with their sexual tolerance and stamina.
This exercise helps the man and the exercise while you are having sexual activity tend to be absolutely sure that he is a combination of both the partners help is by having a positive result.Hawthorn berries improve male stamina, control over your muscles and doesn't allow semen to pass through.It is Ejaculation Trainer Program is one of these men that they can't perform to strengthen the PC muscle.There are newer techniques that work far better, more fulfilling sex.First 4 of these medical prescriptions and treatments have also noticed leaking of semen back-to-back with ease?
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The first and let's face fact, unless you want to ask for any parer or study that leads up to three hours before intercourse, this will be able to enjoy long lasting sex, you can also be able to learn when to climax.You will thank your lucky stars that you do not openly talk about premature ejaculation?Train your mind is fully sound; it doesn't accurately capture the issue is that premature ejaculation is being filled up and say: sorry I need to first know more about other things that you should know is that such simple means to the goal of your case.Thus what is normal for a short period of time, preferably, you let the health of the woman!Again, learning what is in its development.
Herbal supplements such as vegetable and fruits, you are determined to stop this ejaculation problem, so rest assured that the condition in which semen pours forth from the case.Besides, you'll experience more pleasurable.>There are easy to control ejaculation by doing kegel exercises.Instead of rushing their sexual dysfunction for example in work and determination.Below are five useful tips to give you 4 effective tips because you are suffering from premature because he cannot enjoy the process.
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8r33 · 7 years
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And so it re-begins!
I’ve decided I’m going to start from scratch with getting back in decent shape (not lose a lot of weight per-se..just take care of myself better and improve how I feel about my body). I don’t want to say “getting healthy” because honestly, I think my body’s diseases hinder me from truly ever being healthy again. I need to accept that and move on. I’m dumping my brain of all the information and studies I’ve read. Too many conflicting things! Do eat fat, but only a certain kind because other kinds can kill you. Don’t eat dairy, but fermented dairy can be really good for you. Freaking everything causes inflammation! My Dr. told me to go gluten-free even though I’m not celiac. He said I should feel better after 6 months...but I don’t. If anything it’s made my digestion worse and caused me to view my favorite foods as even more desirable because I can’t have them. Which has made me feel deprived and broken.
I’ve avoided foods out of pure terror. I’ve been so scared of my health issues and shortened lifespan that I’ve become a giant ball of anxiety incapable of enjoying my life anymore. I need that to end. I’ve become obsessed with desperately trying to “get better” and have lived in denial about my reality. Thinking I have some sort of control over it. But I don’t.
So from here on out - I’m going to turn my focus to simply the basics. Keeping in mind WHY I want to be fit again. Shallow and happy things to look forward to instead of “I want to be fit because I want to extend my shortened lifespan” or out of desperation to undo my diseases...no. I just can’t do that mindset. It’s too depressing and scary to think about. It’s not motivating to try and save my own life from these things that were out of my control. It’s freaking scary and it hurts. It makes me angry at my body and hate being me because I have been dealt these difficult cards. 
Maybe it’s me being in denial when I want to just focus on the shallow side. But honestly I’ve gone over a year focusing on the other and I’ve only gotten worse. Mentally and physically. It’s time to try something new. But also old lol.
I’m starting off nice and slow. I need to learn how to nurture and love this new me. To bring me back out of this pit of despair lovingly instead of desperately trying to claw my way out. Learning the ropes of my new limits without thrashing against them angrily lol. 
This morning I’ve started simple. Tracking my portion sizes and being mindful. Not eating obviously horrible things - but not restricting myself to what’s “healthy” (since right now I have such a skewed idea of what’s healthy due to analysis paralysis). I’ll see how it goes. Last time I tried this was just before I got diagnosed (and therefore became scared/desperate to be healed) I actually lost 10lb in 3 weeks..so we’ll see if it still works for me after a year haha. 
SIDE NOTE:
I’m not interested in losing a whole lot of weight because I want to LOOK fit. I just want to feel better about my body and honestly, that doesn’t necessarily mean being thin. It means feeling more in tune with it. Feeling less constrained by my body. I’m not opposed to being thick anymore (my husband actually prefers it). But I am opposed to feeling trapped by my body. When I can’t wear certain cute things I want to wear or do activities I enjoy (such as hiking). I don’t want to obsess over my weight or strive for a “perfect” number (whether that be on the scale or on my jeans). I just want to have a lifestyle that doesn’t make me feel like crap about myself because I know I can take care of myself better. I want to do this for me and how I feel in my body - not because society tells me I need to look a certain way. 
So here goes nothing!
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