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zodiakuroo · 3 years

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Cupid’s Bullet

Dabi comes home with a very special Valentine’s Day surprise for you.

Pairing: Dabi x Fem!Reader

Contains: dubcon/noncon, mentions of death, unhealthy relationship, gun play, fear play, forced orgasms, squirting, mindbreak, angst (if you squint?), quirk usage, one slap but it’s a hard one :3, overstimulation, creampie

Word count: 5.3k

Notes: pls this title is so cringe but it's like bullet instead of arrow cause... ya know but anyways happy valentine’s day from scumbag boyfie!dabi

Dating a villain meant that your relationship was unconventional to say the least. For one, public dates were out of the question, unless you wanted it to end in destruction of public property and some scorched heroes. You also always had to have some kind of flimsy excuse for your family and friends when they asked to meet your elusive boyfriend. In addition, you had to accept the fact that he would have to disappear sometimes for weeks on end to do his boss’ bidding.

There was also the small matter of arson, murder and theft and a multitude of other crimes that you’d prefer not to know about. And while you weren’t necessarily okay with a lot of what Dabi did, you loved him. You loved him so much that turning a blind eye was so easy it made you question your own morality. He didn’t scare you either. Not in the slightest, because you knew in his own special way, he loved you too.

In fact it ran much deeper than that. On his worst days, Dabi could set the world ablaze until nothing was left because in the end he didn’t care about anyone or anything, not even himself. Until he met you, he says. He tells you that in you, he’s found something to tether him to this existence.

Ok so maybe he didn’t use those words exactly, but he doesn’t have to. You know that’s what he means when he spoils you with expensive, stolen clothes and jewellery, when he offers to burn alive any person who makes you even the tiniest bit upset and when he comes home to you bloodied and beaten, trusting you to take care of him.

In summary, your relationship forced you to give up on having any “normal couple” experiences. That included, celebrating anniversaries and silly holidays like Valentine’s Day so you never bothered to keep track of them. It could hardly be considered a sacrifice when you compared those things to what you actually got from your relationship.

Dabi had been gone for close to a month now and you didn’t expect him back anytime soon, not knowing where he was or what he was doing. In fact the very last thing you expected was for him to creep into your bedroom in the middle of night and rouse you from your peaceful sleep with a soft kiss on your temple.

You don’t jump out of bed in a panic, like any sane person would. Instead you let out a satisfied hum, surrounded by the scent of burnt flesh, ash and menthol, feeling warmth bloom in your chest. It should be unpleasant but its Dabi’s scent and you’ve missed it. You’ve missed him. You pick your phone up from your night stand, squinting your eyes at the bright light that makes them sting.

Sunday 14 February, 2:43am

“Welcome home.” You mumble groggily, trying your best to fight off your tired body urging you to go back to sleep.

Instead of replying, he greets you by pressing his mouth to yours. You let out a quiet gasp, startled by the sudden display of affection. His lips are chapped but that doesn’t matter, your tongue darts out to moisten them before your lips lock into a gentle kiss.

You reach up, weaving your hands through his dark hair in an attempt to draw him closer but he retreats, opting instead to turn on the bedside lamp but keeping his other hand behind his back. “Sit up doll. Got a surprise for ya.”

Any thoughts of sleep were long forgotten as soon as his lips met yours but now he’s really piqued your interest. You push yourself up against the headboard and sit cross-legged. You look up at Dabi expectantly. Your boyfriend is smiling wide, skin pulled so taut you think one of his staples might give out. He reveals to you what he has hidden behind his back. A square black box, wrapped in a cobalt satin ribbon.

It’s so cliché you can’t help but let out a small snort. “What is it?”

“It’s a gift. You know… for Valentine’s Day?” He says as though it should be obvious to you.

Your heart swells at the gesture. It really was a surprise. Not in a bad way, you just knew he wasn’t your average boyfriend and that was okay. You didn’t want him to be.

“Well now I feel awful. I didn’t get you anything.” You pout as he props the box onto your lap.

“’S like a toy… so it’s technically for you but kinda for both of us.” It’s unusual to see Dabi this excited. The way he’s bouncing on the balls of his feet, eyes filled with mirth makes you all the more curious.

“Like a sex toy?” A giggle escapes you as you undo the bow.

“Are we playing fuckin’ 20 questions? Just open it.” He presses you.

You huff at his impatience but you don’t comment, not wanting to wait any longer either. You remove the lid of the box only to find something wildly unexpected.

A revolver?

You look up at your boyfriend with confusion etched on your face but his gleeful grin doesn’t falter. You’ve never seen a sex toy like this so you pick up the article to test its weight. It’s definitely the real deal.

“Dabi, this isn’t a toy.” You state matter-of-factly.

He merely rolls his eyes and says “Doll, when you can incinerate someone with a flick of your wrist, that little thing is definitely considered a toy?”

“O-okay? What do you want to do with it?” You ask, placing offending object onto your nightstand, not really wanting to hold on to it anymore, the metallic smell making you feel queasy.

“Ever heard of Russian Roulette?” Dabi, picks up the abandoned item, looking down at it with pride.

“What?” You furrow your eyebrows as nervousness starts to creep into your system and you instinctively move to back away from him but Dabi is quick to pull you back.

“It’s real easy doll. No need to look so scared.” He crawls on top of you, caging you in with his limbs. “6 chambers. 1 bullet. All you have to do is be a good girl for me. If not, I pull the trigger and we see what happens.”

The look on his face is positively demented. Azure eyes wide and bright, patchwork face contorted into a a sinister smile, white teeth and silver staples gleaming in the dim light.

“Baby,” you hope the pet name will placate him. It usually does. “I don’t know about thi-“

CLICK

You let out a shriek as your body jolts in fear but you’re unable to move with his weight pressing on top of you.

“You see now doll?” He clicks his tongue behind his teeth. “You’ve gone and wasted a shot.”

Dabi climbs off of you and you’re left lying there with your heart hammering violently in your chest, body trembling, still reeling from the shock of what just happened. Reeling from the shock of what is happening

“You gonna listen now? Gonna be good?” Dabi prompts, rolling the gun around in his hand.

All you can do is nod as your eyes being to water. The uneasy feeling in your stomach only grows worse as your mind races with the possible things Dabi has in store for you.

“Good. Now strip.” He command and like a good girl, you obey.

Your arms feel like they’re made of lead, moving rigidly to take off your shirt (one of Dabi’s old ones). You can’t stop the tears from falling as you pull down your panties, fat droplets roll down your cheeks, desperately trying to swallow the sounds of your sobbing.

This can’t be happening. It’s Dabi. He wouldn’t hurt you. He promised you that.

“Oh cut the fuckin’ waterworks.” He snaps. “As long as you listen, you’ll be fine.”

You try to calm yourself with deep breaths, not wanting to irritate him any further.

When you turn to face him, he’s leaning back on his haunches, one hand resting on his thigh, the other lazily gripping the revolver. “Fair warning, I’m more of a ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ kinda guy. But you know that already.” He thumbs the cylinder, making it spin. “Now, touch yourself for me.”

Breathing is difficult. No matter how much you try, it’s like you can’t get enough air into your lungs. Thinking only of gun in your boyfriend’s hand, you still you bring your own hand between your legs, but you can’t concentrate, what with the dread taking over your body making it tough to have any control of your body. Your movements are stiff and apparently not up to Dabi’s standards.

He only scoffs before-

CLICK

You scream again, body nearly flying off the bed before you curl yourself up into a ball. The fright is enough to stop your heart. For a second you believe it has.

“Doll,” Dabi’s gruff voice brings you back to earth, reminding you that you’re very much alive and whether or not you stay that way is entirely up to him. “You’re ruining my surprise. Got it ‘specially for you and now you’re being a brat.” He quirks an eyebrow at you, almost like a challenge.

“So-sorry.-“ your voice breaks. “I’ll be good.”

You’re still struggling to comprehend how any of this is real. You thought you knew him. You thought he loved you. And here he is, treating your life like it’s a game. You can’t help but think that this is your own fault. You thought you were above everyone else, the exception to your boyfriend’s villain behaviour.

“Yeah?” His voice drops to a whisper. “Then show me.” He challenges you. Dabi slips off his t-shirt and moves between your legs to get a better view, pressing on your knees to split them apart.

Self-preservation kicks in. There is one way out of this alive and that’s doing what he says. You spread yourself even wider, showing him all of you. Your hands, glide over your smooth thighs, kneading the pudgy flesh as you get closer and closer your sex, teasing yourself the way he would. Your fingers find your clit and just a little pressure makes your eyes melt shut. Probably for best anyway. It makes it easier to imagine anything but this. You drag those fingers through your delicate folds, letting out breathy sighs as heat begins to bloom between your thighs.

You pretend, its Dabi’s touch. In your mind’s eye you see the two of you, limbs tangled with Dabi on top, resting his forehead against yours. It’s one of those nights where he wants to go slow. So slow that the sensation of his cock dragging in and out of is you bordering on torturous. It’s one of those nights where he wants to lay his head on your chest, mouthing at your breasts, laving your nipples with his wet tongue while you tell him, in that sensual voice that you love him, that he’s perfect, that he’s yours. Because it’s one of those nights, where everything feels like too much for him and the only person that he really has on his side is you.

It’s not long before you’re leaking. Somewhere, deep in the back of your mind, there’s a voice chastising you for being so easy for him… even now. There’s almost no resistance as two of your fingers, press into your entrance. Your fingers are no match for Dabi’s, they never hit all those deep, hidden spots that make you see stars but still, you start to move them slowly, brushing your thumb over your clit every so often.

“Look at me.” You feel his breath waft over your pussy.

Eyelids fluttering open and you meet his gaze. It stuns you a little and your hands come to a standstill. He is handsome, breathtakingly so, even though he thinks you’re lying whenever you when you tell him that. The way he stares at you, with love and adoration in his eyes, it’s almost like the fantasy you were just imagining. Almost like the fantasy you’ve been living in this whole time. It’s enough to make you forget the situation you’re in. Then the muzzle of the gun is pressed to your clit, snapping you back to reality fast enough to give you whiplash.

“Fucking slut.” He growls and smacks your hand away from your pussy.

You jerk as he starts to move it the gun circles over your sensitive nub and then dipping down to your tight slit to gather up your juices.

“All those fuckin’ tears but look how wet you are.” He says more to himself than you as he admires the way your slick leaves a sheen on the barrel. With his eyes trained directly on yours, his perfectly pink tongue pokes out to lick it clean, groaning at the taste.

The next thing you know his arms are wrapped around your legs, guiding them over his broad shoulders. He kisses you on your mons before his tongue begins greedily lapping at your hole. “Tastes so good doll.” He mutters with his nose pressed against your clit. He slips the wet muscle inside of you making you whine. You reflexively grab onto his black hair, tugging on the stands and he lets out a groan of approval. He moves up to your clit, circling it with his tongue before suckling on it. While he brushes just the tip of a finger over your cunt, making it clench around nothing while you desperately buck your hips, in an attempt to have it inside you.

The way he’s eating you out is almost romantic?

Or it would be, if it weren’t for the metal digging into your flesh.

“Doll,” He places a sloppy kiss on your clit, lighting dragging his teeth over the hood. “Want you to squirt for me.”

A lump forms in your throat. You can count on one hand the amount of times that has happened. You’re not sure of the odds that you’d be able to right now and it’s not a gamble you’re willing to take. “Dabi, I don’t think I can….”

CLICK

You thrash, screaming so loud it makes your throat burn.

Dabi still holds you open, keeping you in place. “I wasn’t asking.” He makes sure to maintain eye contact as he drops a fat glob of spit right on to your clit before diving face first into your cunt once again.

He pushes 2 of his long, lithe fingers into your tight entrance. It’s unexpected and you wince. He drags his right hand (the one holding the gun) up your torso, resting the muzzle underneath your breast, right over your racing heart. A reminder of what’s at stake. He envelopes your sensitive clit with his lips, moving his fingers in tandem with the suction. You’re consumed by desire as Dabi brings you so close to the edge.

“Dee-Deeper please.” Your pant out.

He smiles against your mound before complying with your request. “Right here?” His fingers press against that squishy patch deep inside you and your eyes roll back.

“Nnnggg yeah.” You’re barely able to mewl out. You dig your heels into his back and grind against his face, chasing your high. Dabi keeps hitting that spot with astonishing precision but you hold off for as long as you can, letting the pleasurable sensation build until the pressure in your core becomes unbearable. When it finally snaps because you can’t hold it anymore, your eyes squeeze shut, hands flying to his biceps and you dig your nails into the sinewy muscle. You gush around his fingers and all over his face. Dabi doesn’t move though, flicking your clit with his tongue repeatedly until you’re trembling and whimpering, pushing him away from your pussy. He finally relents, a pop echoing around the room as he lets go of you.

He gives you a predatory look, scared face and chest wet with the remnants of your orgasm. “You made such a mess baby but I’m glad you’re finally having fun.” He’s just as out of breath as you are but far more composed.

Your head is still fuzzy and limbs are still twitching but your boyfriend doesn’t let you recover. “C’mon, doll. My turn.” He begins to undo his belt, silver buckle clinking as he rushes to drag it through the loops of his jeans

You pull yourself on to all fours, now eye level with his crotch. He pulls down his pants and boxers in one go, his erection almost hitting you in the face.

“You’ve been lucky so far.” He taps the bulbous head of his cock on your lips, smearing your lips with the pre that dribbles out of it. “But I wouldn’t test it if I were you. Open.”

Your mouth is already watering at the sight of him. So long, thick and veiny. It’s disgusting actually, this Pavlovian response. He fucks you deeper, stretches you wider and makes you feel better than anyone ever had. You wonder briefly, if anyone ever could fuck you as good as Dabi.

You stick out your tongue and he slides himself between your lips, groaning as he pushes into your mouth, slowly, inch by inch. He fills your mouth completely and you shut your eyes, savouring the salty taste of him but you feel the muzzle press against your temple and making them shoot open. “Atta girl. Lemme see those pretty eyes.” He grunts as he plunges into your throat. You bob your head up and down his shaft, the hand at the back of your head setting a brutal pace. The room is filled with the sounds of you gagging and his hefty sac smacking against your chin.

“So good to me baby.” He tilts his head back, losing himself in the pleasure. The wet heat of your mouth surrounding him while your saliva leaks out, dripping down his balls. Dabi is big and heavy, stretching you so wide and making you jaw ache from the weight of him. You’re already lightheaded from the lack of air, no matter how much you try breathing through your nose. You don’t dare to complain though.

He pulls out of your mouth slowly, stretching a string of saliva from the head of his dick to your tongue that’s hanging out of your mouth. You pant like a bitch attempting to catch your breath. He doesn’t give you much time before he’s in your throat again, back to fucking your face.

“I love you so much. You love me?” He sounds so sweet, totally blissed out.

He stops thrusting and tilts your head up to look at him, blinking tear-clumped lashes. You try utter a ‘Yes, I love you.’ but with his shaft gagging you, it comes out all garbled. The muscles in your throat convulse around the deep intrusion. “You’d do anything for me right?” He asks, jabbing the muzzle even harder into your temple, finger resting lightly on the trigger. You nod, watching Dabi lose his composure bit by bit. “Yeah. That’s why you’re my girl.” He pushes himself even deeper inside you, making you finally take all of him, until your nose meets his pubic hair and holding you there. “Fuck.”

CLICK

“Hmmhhhhngggh” You squeal around him but you can’t pull off because of the grip he has on your scalp. When he lets you go you’re choking and coughing up a lewd mixture of spit and pre-cum.

“Wh- Why” You blubber, voice hoarse. You don’t understand. You were doing exactly what he asked. You were being good.

“Sorry baby. Felt so good, my finger slipped.” He doesn’t even try to hide his mischievous smirk. The fucker is definitely not sorry.

You want to beg him to stop this ridiculous game because you see now there’s no way you can win because Dabi doesn’t play fair.

He doesn’t give you the chance though, already shuffling off his bottoms all the way and propping himself up against the headboard. “C’mon pretty baby.” He tugs on your ankle. Wanna see you bounce on my dick.”

You clumsily position yourself atop his lap quickly, before you can even think about it. You know he doesn’t need a reason to pull that trigger but still, you don’t want to give him one.

He grinds his tip along your heat, piercings dragging across your clit over and over again. It’s something he does whenever you have sex, to rile you up. And just like all those other times, it’s working. Circumstances be damned. “Needa feel this hot little pussy. Give it to me doll.” He murmurs against the shell of your ear.

You nod as you lift yourself off of him to hover your dripping wet hole over his hard dick. You slowly squat down on onto him, the fat head stretching you out, burning with every inch you take. You mewl, making futile attempts to blink away tears. You get halfway before you have to stop, resting your hands on his shoulders trying to gain leverage. You’re outright crying now, wet droplets landing on Dabi’s chest.

“’S matter doll.”

I’m terrified. You yell in your head but stay silent, choosing to focus on relaxing your ever-tightening hole in order to take more of him.

“Oh, I know.” He coos, voice dripping with condescension. “’S too big for your tiny cunny.” He leans forward to kiss away the salty tears. “But you can take it. I know you can.” He cups your jaw, stroking your cheek with a calloused thumb. “You can do it for me”

You start to move slowly up and down, using gravity to force more of his monstrous cock inside you with shallow movements. You really are trying your best but that’s apparently not good enough for Dabi and he lets you know that by pressing the barrel of the gun into your stomach. You freeze, horrified, more tears start falling from your eyes. You open your mouth to beg him to just give you a little time. You’re trying.

“Quit being a baby and just take it.” He says before you even get the chance.

“I’m trying Dabi, please just-“

CLICK

He cuts off your plea. He’s not interested in your excuses.

The rotation of the cylinder sends vibrations through your abdomen. Amidst the shock, you release your grip on his shoulders and impale yourself on his shaft by mistake. The combination of the searing stretch and the blunt head of his cock kissing your cervix is so overwhelming that you collapse forward, head falling on to your boyfriend’s chest. You feel the rumbles of his chuckles while he’s quite literally splitting you open.

“See? Knew you could. Just needed a little scare. Isn’t that right.” He rubs your back as if to comfort you. He lets out a low whistle. “But looks like you’re all out of chances doll. Now bounce.” He gives you a spank with an inhumanly warm hand, making you squeal and leaving your cheek tender.

Your hands find purchase on his shoulders again. Dabi’s sapphire eyes are practically glowing, daring you to be stupid enough to defy him one more time.

You pull off almost entirely, keeping just his tip inside of you, before spearing his shaft into you again.

“Good girl.” When he praises you with that raspy voice makes you keen and desperate for more of it.

His hand snakes its way up your torso to cup one of your breasts. Your back arches, pushing into his scorching hot touch, forgetting momentarily about his other hand and what he’s holding in it. He gropes your chest, tweaks and twists at your nipples, leaving red, inflamed hand prints in his wake. You’re practically delirious with pleasure, babbling out incoherent streams of his name along with “yes” and “more”. All the while, he murmurs praises about how good you are and how much he loves you. It’s confusing and you can’t process any of it.

“Who owns this perfect pussy?”

“Dabi. Fuck. Dabi.” Your tongue lolls out of your mouth in the most obscene way, drooling down your chin. Your plush walls pulse around him as he hits that sensitive spot every time you sink down on him.

“That’s right it’s all fuckin mine. My pretty baby.” Dabi’s eyes are focus on where your two bodies are connected watching the translucent ring of your cream appear and disappear as you ride him.

“Preeeettyyy.” You slur and he laughs at how fucked out you are, brain completely jumbled between the fear, the pain and the bliss all combined into ecstasy.

“Doll.” He groans. “I feel ya squeezin’ me. You gonna cum?”

He’s right. You nod as you feel that coil tightening again, threatening to snap at any second. The man finally starts putting in work, pounding into you every time you pull off of him. Dabi abandons the gun in favour of playing with your clit, rubbing quick sloppy circles. “Yeah? Gonna cream and gush around me? Want you to baby.” He buries his head in the crook of your neck, sucking, biting and licking while he assaults your sopping wet pussy. “C’mon doll, please.”

With that you orgasm. He grabs your hips pulling you flush against his thighs, fucking you through your orgasm, rolling his hips up into you until your high finally subsides.

He doesn’t let you catch your breath before he’s got the revolver pressed hard underneath your chin. “Now make me cum.” You almost collapse but the harsh grip he has on your hair suspends you upright.

Your mind is so foggy and Dabi gives you a small smile, appreciating the perplexed look in your droopy eyes. But he’s not done with you yet.

“Hey.” You’re ripped from your daze, when he slaps you across the face, sending your head swinging to the side. “Don’t pass out on me now.”

“So-sorry! ‘M sorry!” You grovel as you slam your tired body down on his dick once again, trying to ignore the throbbing on your cheek, the ringing in your ears, and the ache in your battered cunt. You’re so sensitive from your last orgasm but you don’t have a choice and you don’t dare deny him anything. Your thighs are quaking and burning with every movement but your boyfriend is unimpressed.

“You can do better than that doll.” He lets out a bitter laugh, enjoying every second of tormenting you. “It’s like you want your brains splattered on the ceiling.”

You start crying again, shaking your head frantically. In the time that you’ve been with Dabi, you’ve learned certain tricks, you know he likes it, but in this panic/lust induced frenzy, you can’t remember any of them. Instead, you bounce, mindlessly on him while your gummy walls clench tighter around him every time he nudges at your a-spot. Your legs are going numb from all the effort and you plop down, limp onto his lap, taking him to the hilt.

Dabi tsks at you, reminding you that you can’t rest just yet. You swivel your hips, grinding your pelvis against his while he’s buried deep in your wet heat. You pray to whatever deity is listening that he’s getting close, you’re not sure how much more you can take.

“If I don’t bust in the next 5 seconds.” His hand finds your clit again, you grind across his fingers has you rock against him. “Bang!” He emphasises the word by bringing a heated palm down on your ass.

A choked sob bubbles at the back of your throat, making him snicker

Hands pressed to his chest, you ride him like a woman possessed, the last bits of adrenaline kicking in. Your sloppy cunt squelches every time you drive yourself down on his cock just motivating you to fuck him harder.

“Five.” He grits out.

“Dabi, please!” But you’re met with icy, apathetic eyes staring back at you, feeling the terror that the rest of the city does when they so much as hear his name.

“Four.” He rubs your already raw clit, faster and you can feel another orgasm building, much quicker than your last two.

Your body feels so heavy but you can’t stop moving, not unless you want him to- “Please cum!” You beg. “Need your cum.”

“Three.”

He starts to fuck up into you again with unforgiving force.

“Wh-Why?!” is all you can manage as your mind starts to fog up again, the need to come becoming all the more urgent.

“Two.” He ignores your question, transfixed on your tits bounce in his face. You’re getting close to your third orgasm of the night and it seems Dabi is determined to get you there.

You still can’t believe this is real. You never thought that Dabi would treat you like this. You were supposed to be special.

Or at least that’s what he told you.

Moreover, you can’t believe how your own body is betraying you. You can’t believe you’re actually going to cum. Again.

“One.”

You cry out his name one last time, unsure if it’s out of fear or pleasure. You dig your nails into his arms again, in a feeble attempt to ground yourself as you cum around him. The orgasm that rips through you makes it difficult for you to be sure of anything.

What you are sure of is the fact that there was no bang or bullet.

Just one last CLICK (practically drowned out by your screaming) and the sensation of Dabi’s hot cum flooding your womb. He has a bruising grip on your hips, gun now discarded, and he ruts up into to making sure to stuff your cunt absolutely full of him. He begins to laugh as he softens inside you.

Your head is still spinning but once you’re able to push yourself off of him, you can finally make sense of what just happened.

He was fucking with you.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” You yell, using weak and quivering arms to throw pillows at him while you cry so hard it makes you dry heave.

Your asshole of a boyfriend starts cackling, clutching his abdomen as if he just pulled the world’s funniest prank while your heart is beating so hard and fast you think it might break through your ribcage.

“You should have seen your face. You were so fuckin’ scared.”

You become nauseous, feeling bile rising in your throat as you come to a sickening realisation.

This is not your Dabi. This is the Dabi that the rest of the world gets to see.

Evil, sadistic, merciless. This is the real Dabi.

You attempt to scramble off of the bed to get away from him, feeling overwhelmed by the humiliation. But Dabi grabs your wrist and yanks you into his chest, wrapping you up in his arms. A gesture you used to treasure but now it just made your skin crawl. “C’mon Doll you didn’t think I was being serious did you?”

You writhe in his hold, hitting against his hard, toned chest with pathetic fists. “Don’t be such a crybaby. It was just a joke.” He strokes your hair oh so tenderly. But you won’t fall for that again. Dabi is a villain through and through. You know that now.

It’s no use fighting him off though, all the fight in you is used up. You don’t know what else to do. So you do the easy thing: nuzzle your head into his chest, tremors rocking your body as you hiccup, while he holds you. That way you can pretend that you feel safe with him, just like you used to.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, doll. I love you.”

#dabi is just the worst huh #sorry about the angst i honestly don’t know how that happened #dark content #dark fic #mha smut #tw dubcon #bnha imagines #bnha smut #dabi imagine #dabi smut #dabi x reader #mha x reader #tw slapping #tw noncon #tw unhealthy relationship #tw gunplay #tw death mention

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aching-tummies · 3 years

Note

Have you ever dealt with food-restriction or ED or whatever?

I really debated answering this one. I understand that it's a sensitive topic for a lot of people, and I do go into some personal details with my struggles, so I'm going to put most of that under a cut.

I know a lot of blogs have something like "we do not stan ED in this house" and that's the extent of their address on the topic and some get pretty angry if anyone even mentions ED around them. I get it, it's a triggering topic and it can be unhealthy and maybe hearing about it or seeing it or whatever pushes someone (back) into bad habits. I understand all that. In my opinion though, shutting down the topic is problematic. I believe that destigmatization saves lives--and not just for ED. Making it a dirty little secret and something one feels ashamed of talking about or struggling with creates more problems. It doesn't go away just because someone feels they cannot talk about it. I'm on the side of destigmatization--where "how are you" is an actual question rather than a casual greeting where "good" or "great" are the only acceptable answers. No--it's supposed to be a question and we shouldn't have to feel ashamed when we are going through crap. Maybe neither party has time to get into it then and there and maybe the other party isn't comfortable/or the right person to go to with those particular issues...but "how are you" is supposed to be a genuine question, not a greeting.

Short answer to whether or not I've dealt with food-restriction or ED: yes.

I don't want to invite drama onto my blog with this...but I think it's time I said something on the topic. For one, I'm sick of how people go "we don't stan ana on this blog--GTFO" and leave the discussion at that. I don't think that is healthy. People that actually struggle with EDs and Ana maybe want to get help...but professional/formal help is not always accessible and not necessarily always the right tool for what they are going through in that moment. I understand that EDs are unhealthy and I am not trying to glorify them...but I want to say that I care about the people struggling with the stuff and I admire their resilience. There's enough shaming going on around the world and I'm not going to dish it out to someone struggling with an ED. I'm not going to make it out to be something that's taboo to talk about like it's some dirty little secret. I want to de-stigmatize it. I want a world where someone can be like, "I struggle with food/eating and I had a setback last night" and those of us listening can be like, "Alright. Is there something you need/want me to do with that information? How can I help?" Currently, I see a lot of, "Shh! That's a triggering topic! Do you want to set off all the other ED suffer-ers in here?! Don't talk about that noise!" even in my IRL friend groups and I think it's just sad. These are the same friends that are constantly reblogging, "It's okay to not be okay" and “I’m a safe person to tell stuff to” stuff but clearly they don't believe that.

The way I see it, living with EDs is like living with a pet alligator. It was once small and cute and early on maybe you made one choice: you chose to keep it. Great...well, now it's grown and it's a problem and you don't know what to do with a full-grown alligator that eyes you like you're it's next meal. Who do you talk to when everyone shuts you down and maybe there isn't an "animal control" number you can reach out to because it's expensive or it doesn't exist in your area or they're so over-booked that you'll be alligator-chum before they get to you? That's how I see ED. It's terrifying but it's still 'your' pet alligator, even if you feel more like it's pet human at times.

Onto the personal aspects.

I've never been officially diagnosed with an ED and I don't believe I've ever done something that's extremely dangerous on this front. That being said I have (and sometimes still do) struggle with intrusive thoughts about my body.

I'm "average" sized...maybe on the bigger side of average in North America...however, there's a different standard in Asian culture. Like the "Asian F". I was always told I was supposed to be smaller. I was supposed to be no more than 5'3, no more than 110lbs, have a bust no bigger than 34C, and be able to fit into anything marketed to teens and up. Yeah...I'm none of that.

I'm going to try not to rant and get angry and upset...so here goes, take 7 on trying to answer this.

I grew up surrounded by judgmental adults. I eat and I'm fat; I refuse to eat or eat less and I'm exhibiting worrisome behavior. My take away: I bring dishonour on my cow no matter what I do. Sure, there are those that'll be like, "they'll judge me whether I eat or not so I may as well eat some good food"...yeah...that's not me. Choosing to skip the meal and the company entirely is the only way I feel/felt like I 'win'...but as a child that wasn't an option.

I mostly ate alone in University, but my brain filled in for the silence of judgmental comments. If I ate my whole lunch in one sitting I'd get upset with myself. I'd pack smaller portions and I'd be aware they were smaller, but I'd still be upset with myself for finishing it...or even finishing it and still being hungry. If I caved and bought a sugary drink or a snack or something because it looked good, I'd scold myself for using up the food budget as well as the calories budget. I used to break apart individual cookies--one cookie would take 3-4 sittings/days for me to allow myself to finish because I'd only allow myself two fractured pieces at a time. Some days, i.e. weekends, I'd intentionally skip a meal or two and rationalize that I was simply indulging in kink and that I'd eat later. I always did end up eating later and going about my life as normal. "Fasting once in a while is supposed to be healthy", I'd tell myself...but I won't deny that there was some part of me that would tell me that every skipped meal and calorie ignored was gradually working toward shrinking my body.

Despite how it sounds, I wasn't actually doing noticable damage to my body. Physically, I was within the realm of healthy...maybe on the bigger side of average and definitely not mentally sound...but my body was fine. My body didn't change--I didn't gain or lose weight. I ate...I just felt bad about it and beat myself up about it. In retrospect, it was a heck of a lot of mental anguish I did to myself with nothing to show for it.

Life after University is pretty stressful. Stress doesn't agree with my tummy so I got (and still get) frequent upset stomachs. I've become pretty conscious of eating and how my stomach feels so I end up being careful to eat less so that there is less to upset my tummy. I do it because an upset stomach is inconvenient...but I do enjoy the fact that it seems I have lost a little weight. Losing weight isn't a big part of my rational though. My coworkers have mentioned that I look thinner. I don’t see much of a change when I look in the mirror...but my belt does up two notches tighter without too much fuss so I guess I have slimmed down just a smidge. I didn't intend to lose weight, I just cut down on eating because I didn't want to deal with so many upset stomachs...I think I'm allowed to enjoy the unintentional weight loss without it being a problem...but if I had a problem then I guess what I think about this situation doesn't count for much.

I wish I was thinner--just enough to fit into acceptable sizes in the women's section. Enough to not feel like "the big one" when among my friends. I don't idealize the extremes of weight-loss...like...I don't want to be able to count my ribs or have my joints be wider around than my biceps or whatever. And I don't feel like I'm obsessed with losing weight/being thinner. It's something I want...but I also want a burrito and a can of Cola. I tend to partake more than I deny myself nowadays...just in smaller portions. I’ll still get mad at myself for indulging...but I do indulge and try to lessen the mental kicking by splitting things between two meals or something. I still break apart my cookies and eat them over the course of a couple of days...but most of that is because I run out of time to enjoy the treat or because I want to ration it so that I don't have to spend money to buy another one every single time. I don't try to count calories and all that. I still see eating less as a good thing...but I'll still eat a decent portion...I won't pick at my food rather than eat it.

My opinion here, but I don't think I'm unhealthily obsessing over weight and body issues and stuff. They're a part of my life but I don't think they do enough to be super problematic at this stage in my life.

And now onto the tie-in with the content on this blog. I've answered quite a few asks about how I feel about 'stuffing' and the thing that rhymes with "Geight Wain" with "for reasons I don't want to share, I'm not comfortable with that stuff". Most of the reasons I was thinking of for those asks is covered in the personal stuff above. I'm not comfortable with stuffing and the big "double-u gee" because for all of my life I've felt or internalized some judgements about body size and weight. It's very upsetting for me. It's also why I hate a lot of the degradation talk and things mentioning chub or fat or rolls or whatever--because it brings be back to being a kid sitting amongst judgmental adults feeling ashamed of how much of the universe’s matter I took up. If other people like those tags they're free to do so...I just don't want that sort of thing shoved into my face or imposed onto me because it makes me feel bad and makes me remember bad times. I’m into tum-kink and stuff and would love to indulge IRL with an actual partner someday...but I don’t think I will ever be comfortable with putting on weight or even RPing something like that. The thought of getting bigger terrifies me and it’s not something I want encouragement for personally. You do you if that’s what you’re into...just leave me out of it.

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awed-frog · 5 years

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When you say romance should be 18 and over do you mean the brand of romance we know today (aka toxic) or romance as a whole? If we wrote healthy romance aimed at younger crowds or presented unhealthy behaviour as unhealthy behaviour in regular romance (for older crowds) would that be a good solution?

Well - I see three questions here, all of them incredibly complex and beyond interesting: should art be political and is censorship ever a good idea and also is the romance genre okay? The answer to all of them, in my opinion, is ‘no but’.

1) Should art be political?

The stupid thing is, art is inherently political, whether you want it to or not, but art that’s deliberately political tends to be awful, and that’s a universal truth both for left-wing stuff and for right-wing stuff. When you willingly create political stuff, what you’re crafting is propaganda, and proganda is generally sad and bad. I guess there is propaganda that’s also good art - Victor Hugo’s The Man Who Laughs comes to mind - but the problem is, not all of us are Victor Hugo.

That said, since whatever we create is political (because man is a social animal) and will have some kind of moral message, yes - ideally we want more art with an ethically ‘good’ moral message than we want garbage, because art (and here I include everything: books, movies and so on) is perhaps the most effective and impactful mind-shaper ever. That’s why Disney is doing its very best to be a monopoly, after all. But: I don’t have a good solution for how to ensure art is nice. I think art is nice when artists are nice, and artists are nice when they grow up in good, healthy societies. So the more a society rots from the inside out, the more likely it is you’ll find art that’s also rotten. I mean, while romance as a genre was always a bit dodgy (see below), what that article was talking about - the rise of the possessive, violent boyfriend and domestic abuse as the great love story - is sort of a recent phenomenon, and goes hand in hand with the deterioration of women’s rights in (Western) society.

(As an aside, I’m not sure I agree (young) women are necessarily misogynistic for reading crap like Fiftfy Shades: I think (young) women are exhausted. Fifty Shades is, more than anything, an ode to undeserved capitalism - the only kind that seems open as an option today. After all, we know trickle-down capitalism doesn’t work and most of us will toil and toil for very little; Christian Grey is the antidote to that, the guy who shows up, basically kidnaps you, and smothers you in a life of riches for which the only thing you must do in return is give up. Having someone else decide on your job, your car, your possessions and clothes, where you’ll live, what you’ll eat and when, whether you’ll take birth control (lol: obviously not), when you’ll see your friends and family plus when and how you’ll orgasm - what women tried to escape for generations is suddenly the dream for many of us - not because of any new political ideology, but because we’re beyond tired. Women, like men, are now crushed in a neverending cycle of bs, underpaid jobs, and are apparently fed up enough in taking responsibility for anything that not only romance and ‘superhuman’ characters are booming, but a very specific kind of subset of that: essentially, slave fics.

Just give up your agency, and you’ll be taken care of and cherished - forever.

I understand a kink is not the same as your actual political opinion, but still - I’m not enthusiastic about this trend, and I’m even less enthusiastic when it gobbles up young women who haven’t had time to experience real life relationships.)

No, I think that in the end, the answer is - if you reverse the rotting of society, automatically - statistically - you’ll get healthier artists and a healthier audience. So, really, the fight is always the same: better paid jobs, better (and free) schools, more opportunities for continued education of any kind, more democracy and transparency, more green spaces and better living conditions.

2) Is censorship ever a good idea?

Sadly, no. You’d think the logical conclusion of what I just said would be, ‘In the meantime, let’s ban the most dangerous stuff’ or something, and while part of me is tempted to support that, censorship has a way of ending very badly no matter how good and noble your intentions are.

(Self-censorship should be more of a thing, though: not everything that goes through our minds deserves to be seen and shared.)

What sucks at the moment is that on the one hand, capitalism is operating its own censorship; and on the other, its desperate search for new markets has led to a disastrous disintegration of actual human interactions.

So, problem one is that we only publish and market what makes a lot of money, and while that’s normal, to an extent, the result today is that everything is ‘almost the same’ as the previous thing (think sequels, prequels, remakes, obnoxious book covers for books that are basically all the same). So if ‘asshole boyfriend who beats you up’ suddenly makes money, it becomes very hard to escape the trope, because what will be offered to you everywhere is exactly that. This was less of a thing back when our main sources of entertainment were shared (movie theaters, the one family TV, school libraries and so on); now, it’s an epidemic, and as we see with Youtube algorithms, a dangerous one, because this obsession with watching and rewatching ‘almost the same’ inevitably leads to more and more extreme stuff.

Meanwhile, problem two is that the more tailor-made our entertainment is, the less we connect to real people. I know I sound about 90 here, but when all family members are glued to a different screen - mom watching the 50th remake of Eat, Pray, Love, dad down the rabbithole of lizard conspiracy theories, big brother now exploring some milk&peanut butter weirdness on Youporn and younger sister 30 fics deep into Stucky high school AUs - what do they have in common? What do they talk about? What can they even learn from each other? Until recently, and for aeons, fiction was shared, and its primary goal was to form a connection between group members. Now, that’s gone. We destroyed it, without even realizing what we were doing, in the space of twenty years. And yeah - I know you can create new communities, but a) these communities are virtual (which means, for the most part: not real) and b) they tend to connect like with like, which is comforting, perhaps, but not very useful. The whole point here is that we need to learn how to feel empathy and trust for those who’re different, and build a community with them - instead, what the internet is doing is isolating us inside our little bubbles, so much so that any minor disagreement is now seen as good reason to break off contact.

Censorship, however, doesn’t solve any of this. For starters, we need more regulation on how big corporations can get, what social media companies can and can’t do and who can access what kind of material. And it’d be great if we could all unplug a little, but uh - fat chance of that.

3) Is the romance genre okay?

Again, just my opinion, but personally, I mistrust it. There are no romance books for men? Instead, books for men feature a Main Character doing stuff and improving himself while accidentally meeting a Sexy Lamp he can go home to at the end of the story. And, well, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but isn’t this a healthier way to look at life? While good relationships are very meaningful (or even the most meaningful) part of any human life, if your goal is to get them, they won’t grow right. You shouldn’t be hyperfocused on finding love; I think it’s much better to be like Main Character: you work on your drawing skills, try a new sport, read poetry, defeat evil Russians, thus developing inner happiness and self-confidence, thus leading you towards towards a partner who’ll fall in love with who you are - not a partner who was looking for some empty shell to fill with their own expectations and preferences.

And I know - romance books and movies are full of exciting non-romantic events and stuff - but still, the fact they’re classified and intended as romance does imply that finding a romantic partner is the ultimate goal. Which, I don’t know, I don’t think it’s healthy, and is a particularly inappropriate message for young women. After all, why is it okay that young men are encouraged to go on ghost hunts, study dinosaurs and save the world while young women are taught to wait around for a broken (possibly violent, but it’s not his fault) bad boy only they can fix? It’s messed up, is what it is, and I may be extreme here, but even the tamest, sweetest romance revolves around the same message: that you’re not complete on your own, and that you should focus on relationships as a way to become a better, happier human being.

Now, as much as I love this quote -

“It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it.” — Oscar Wilde

- obviously there’s no direct cause-and-effect here - you don’t read one book and become a mindless Stepford wife - so I’m not saying, ‘no one should read romance ever’. It’s just - as I said in that other post, we should all enjoy diverse stuff. Read your romance novels, but also read the classics, read some philosophy, a random poem, a badly-written thriller - read Stephen King, read how the OED was written, or a Wikipedia article on the French resistance - anything and everything. Because of capitalism, because of this push towards personalized entertainment, we’re being forced and pigeonholing ourselves in smaller and smaller cages, and the worst thing is - we’re comfortable inside them, because this is the awful truth: cages are comfortable, and that’s why we need to get out before we forget what cages are for.

[As a final point: you say ‘if we wrote’, does it mean you’re an aspiring writer? If so, you shouldn’t worry about any of this. You write what you want, you write the stories you want to read. Just remember to get out of your cage as well - experience, discover, grow, read, dare - and then put all that into your books. I’m sure they’ll be great, whatever your favourite genre.]

#ask #books #romance #entertainment #capitalism #ya #fifty shades of grey #narrative tropes #old woman yells at cloud #the end is nigh #i miss the 90s #potentially unpopular opinion

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embodyment · 5 years

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On my last post I was asked a question by @zerocarb and I thought I was answering it, but I think this is a whole other ramble onto itself. I’ll try to get to her question in a separate post, but I spent so much time writing this one up I thought I might as well share it too.

I think weight loss diets and diets targeted towards losing weight are inherently rooted in fatphobia. The desire to not to be fat is the result of long standing, widely held, and powerful beliefs that being fat is neither attractive, nor healthy, nor desired.

I think a good way to check if your dieting is fatphobic is to ask yourself - how would I feel if eating this way made my body increase in weight or size? If you feel frightened or angry by the idea of a diet and all the work a diet takes not rewarding you with weight loss, then it seems that you are motivated to diet from a a place of disliking being fat. If you tell yourself "I have to diet, or else I will be fat (and being fat would be a bad thing)" your dieting attitude is likely coming from a place of fatphobia.

Dieting has one primary goal -> weight loss. "BUT WHAT ABOUT HEALTH? Can't people just diet for the sake of wanting to being healthy!?!?!" to which I say, sure. Sure they can. You can "diet" for the sake of being healthy. But, as much talk of "health" as there might be who would actually be happy with a diet where the only reward was health, but with no change in size? It would be a very hard reality to accept if a weeks, month, or years long diet surmounted in no body composition change whatsoever. That is because, being fat is seen as unhealthy - REGARDLESS of the actual health of a fat person.

A fat person can move, be mobile, and strong. A fat person can eat well, balanced whole food meals. A fat person can not smoke, not drink or not do drugs. A fat person an have a clean bill of health. But, so long as they occupy a fat body - society tells them they are still inherently unhealthy. Society actually makes fun of fat people who think of themselves as healthy. Blanket statements are applied to all fat bodies and in turn fat people internalize these same messages. Being fat is unhealthy, therefore because I am fat, I am unhealthy.

In addition, health is the first thing we sacrifice at the expense of losing weight. We ignore our bodies wants and needs for the sake of the long term prize that is losing weight. We find the scientific evidence we need to back up our diet and ignore the scientific evidence that doesn't. We find hacks and tricks to make our bodies better at staying thin. We smoke or use caffeine to suppress hunger signals. We undergo surgeries that lead to permanent malnourishment. We starve and dehydrate ourselves to win dietbets. We buy smaller clothes to guilt ourselves. We don't hang out with friends to avoid the temptation of breaking our diets. We over indulge on vacations and holidays and shame ourselves later if we go too far. None of this is healthy, but we make ourselves believes that the unhealthy means justify the healthy ends.

Then only time I can imagine dieting isn't fatphobic, would be in instance in which the focus of the diet was for "nourishment" rather than weight loss. If someone is eating an imbalanced diet or has a hard time obtaining certain nutrients, a nutritionist or a dietitian may prescribe a specific meal plan or medical diet. Following a medical diet may not necessarily be fatphobic because in this specific instance the structuring and control of eating is being done for the sake of achieving a nourishment goal rather than a weight loss goal.

Along that same mindset, you can certainly eat healthy. Dark green vegetables are good for you. Probiotics are good for you. Nutrients are good for you. Eating healthy food is good for you. But if you're only motivation to eat healthy is the fear of being fat and you need to see weight loss in order to be motivated to eat healthy - then you're likely coming up against fatphobia.

This is something I have deeply struggled with. I have gained weight. I have felt so much shame and blame towards myself. Communities like r/fatlogic want me to believe that if I had more willpower, if I was a stronger person, a better person, a less ignorant person.... I could have stayed smaller. I have a lot of internalized fatphobia. To me, being fat feels like failure - regression - disappointment. Being Fat is something that for a long time has fallen under my own list of personal defects. For me a big step has been working on being weight neutral, even if I can't always be fat accepting. Some days my goal isn't even to like my fat body, it's to just be okay with how my body is and accept that being fat doesn’t mean I don’t deserve self-compassion.

#fatphobia #dieting #intentional weight loss #healthism #I have so many feelings about being fat

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fit-as-fxck · 5 years

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nutrition, tdee, bmr and my bullshit

(I swear this will be my last long rant before I go back to tracking workouts and keeping it short and simple. This is a rant, it’s trash, don’t even read it) Before I begin I want to caveat this by saying: Diets, eating styles and nutrition are highly individualistic and there are many factors that come into play for any one person. Something that works for one person may not work for another and I know this. I speak very generally and in relation to myself. Being overweight does not necessarily mean you are unhealthy and being skinny/shredded does not mean you are healthy. None of that matters if you feel awesome or feel like shit. That being said:

Personally, I went through a very high stress time where I was restricting my intake (barely eating at all) with sporadic days of actually eating enough. Yes, I did drop weight almost overnight from it (people did actually notice and complimented me. A lot was muscle too.) but I felt like shit and my system is slowly recovering. This is by far the weirdest recovery I have ever done with myself. It dawned on me the other day that things felt very “out of control” and a way to control it, in a sense, may have been to control that I wasn't eating. It’s not something I'd like to admit I did on purpose but maybe subconsciously. I’m not sure, might not ever know but I am definitely willing to recognize those darker parts of myself if I'm being objective and deal with them. I may get things wrong sometimes (often) but I never fucking quit. I really can't ever see myself quitting. Managing my stress has been vital and things seem to be falling back into “normal”. I credit this to making sure I e a t and following a sleep schedule.

I am slowly increasing my intake up to a 2,000+ calorie diet by adding calories every week and monitoring how I respond. I’m eating whole foods, keeping nutritional quality in mind and following 80/20 rule. 80% whole foods and 20% snickers bars (jk). If it’s the weekend and I want to have a bagel, I'm going to have a bagel. I am tracking macros to make sure I stay in range get enough carbs, protein and fat. My calories are increasing as my activity level increases (the more energy I get from food over time, the more energy I have to workout harder etc).

My body has seen a massive deficit for a very long time. Right now my days look like 1600 -1700 calories (which is still a deficit for me but it’s where I'm at) but I should be ramping up to 2,300 calories over time. My BMR (basal metabolic rate), on paper, is 1,500+ calories. That’s the calories needed for me to sit in bed all day and not doing anything. I should never be dropping below that number, or even close to, if I want to simply live. I am incredibly active and get 12,000 - 18,000 steps a day according to my Garmin, not including any workouts, runs, or activity I do outside of my normal 10,000+ steps.

Metabolic Adaptation: (time for some science) Metabolic adaption occurs when your body is in a deficit (burning more than taking in) for an extended period of time, and your body tries to close that gap on it’s own by adapting. If you look at “dieting” as essentially being starvation in a controlled environment, the body naturally wants to combat this. (I want to make it clear I am not “dieting” but speaking as dieting being a form of calories in vs calories out. I know full well I do not have any actual weight to lose or gain. Looking at me you it would seem I am quite healthy. But my intake has plummeted when I stopped eating and it responded to my low intake) The body adapts by adjusting your TDEE (total daily energy expenditure) because you’re essentially starving yourself (it makes you burn less/run more efficiently over time/be less careless with the calories it gets). Calories in EFFECTS calories out. It’s science. I am trying to ramp mine up, to eat more food to support more training and combat this tiredness (recovering from my great fuck up of the year still) etc. - Your TDEE takes into account your BMR (basal metabolic rate -what you need to keep your lights on), NEAT (non-exercise activity thermogenesis - walking, typing, fidgeting etc), TEF (thermic effect of food), and your EA (exercise activity). The last thing I want to do is drop below the calories I need to simply exist (functioning organs).. then I need to add on the calories to literally be here and live, then how many calories (aka ENERGY) you get from food (you have to put energy in to get energy out)(looking at calories as energy), lastly, activity level. If you aren't eating enough to fuel activity then you won't get anywhere and in fact, you’ll be holding yourself back. What I'm trying to say is: Your body doesn't want to starve. IF you stop eating as much as you NEED your body ADAPTS to make you burn LESS over time so it gets HARDER.

Some Math: [We do live in a diet culture but even worse than that is the fact that we live in a culture that tries to tell us we need anything but real food and complete diets lmao (I understand that different styles of eating work for different bodies but i’m speaking very generally). Quality food does matter too. I mean, most girls have been dieting since.. they got their first bra? Pretty nuts. It’s engrained in our brains to always eat in a deficit which makes things harder when we DO want to diet because our body DOES NOT. No wonder diets fail and we’re essentially fucked. Because we’ve been dieting for 10 or 20+ years on shitty foods and constantly lowering and lowering our intake for years to reach those same results we might have seen once. There is a time and place for calorie restriction but not until your (my) metabolism is up to speed to be able to handle the impact of being in a deficit.] If you start off your diet and you are already eating 2300 calories a day, you slowly cut over the course of weeks, your body will be able to handle it better. But if you’re eating 1400 shitty calories and want to diet even more from that... you don't have much room to drop.... 1200??? and what if 1200 is below your TDEE to even be alive? Good fucking luck. You might see some initially progress but not for long and you will hit a wall and start the cycle all over again. Then, you unintentionally lower your body set point even further. If you are dieting and it’s going well that’s because your energy input is less than your energy output. You created a gap. Your body doesn’t want to starve and it will naturally try to close the gap. (I know there are studies on rats living longer on a calorie restricted diet but I digress and that is not my point here but interesting to note)

I don’t want a gap and I want to eat to fuel big dreams lolololol. End rant. It feels weird to... eat enough real food. I get so full. Raising my calories is weird and scary but............ I’MA DO IT ANYWAYS. 1700, 1800, 1900, 2000. bam. back up to speed with minimal impact (I hope).

I’m just a girl.. sitting in front of a Tumblr page... asking to run all the miles, lift all the weight, be a strong mother fucker and eat all the food while I'm at it.

(I swear this is my last lengthy (rant) post and it’ll be back to your regularly scheduled programing consisting of reblogs and a few scattered runs downs of workouts. I just fucked up and I’m just being honest. I can't beat myself up about it. I’m learning to deal with it)

#personal #long term #TDEE #BMR #diets #nutrition #and bullshit #April 2019

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angelarhodes770 · 5 years

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Dandruff Facts and Heavy Hair Fall due to Dandruff

Raise your hand who never had a problem with dandruff or haven’t seen anyone having a heavy hair fall due to dandruff? Okay, trying to do something like this doesn't work out very well since we don't see each other eye to eye, but it is a fact that all men, especially those with greasy hair, have had dandruff. And if you haven't had it, congratulations and care, as a careless one can lead to having them.

Although it seems a little intimidating at first, there are some facts about dandruff that are not dangerous, but cause a lot of confusion for those who do not understand the subject. To demystify these points, and make you very smart about how to take care of this hair disease, we have separated 7 important facts against dandruff and some tips on how to take care and treat dandruff. Just have a look.

Dandruff Symptoms

When you wear that darker suit or shirt and it looks like it snowed on your shoulders, buddy, that's dandruff. Dandruff is characterized by the appearance of small, thin flakes of dead skin, these flakes may become attached to the strands and come out during hair wash or simply fall during the day. Upon closer examination of the scalp, we can see plaques of dead skin peeling off the scalp.

Scratching the head can irritate the scalp, causing sores and starting the peeling process of the skin. This peeling may be aggravated by redness around the follicles and skin lacquers.

Dandruff intensity

Light : Small whitish flakes of skin near the scalp, near the root of the hair, and visible only when brushing or shaving.

Moderate : The flakes are loose between the strands and are naturally visible giving the hair a snow effect.

Intense : Heavy flaking of flakes of varying sizes, abundant and visible on the surface of the hair and on the shoulders of the individual, in some cases on large patches.

Causes

Some of the causes of seborrheic dermatitis are still a mystery, but here are some factors that are known to aggravate scalp scaling:

Hormonal changes

Stress

Dry or cold weather

sudden changes in temperature

low nutritious food, especially lacking in protein

7 facts about dandruff to make you smart!

1 - Dandruff is more common in winter

Okay, it's not exactly just in winter , but any season of low temperatures. What happens in these times is the increase in hot showers, and they do increase the amount of dandruff in the head. This is because the high temperatures in the scalp increase the production of sebaceous head, which consequently the oily hair, and thus increases dandruff.

So you don't have problems with dandruff, and you don't have to give up that hot bath after a cold day, just don't keep your head under the shower all the time. At most, just to wet and rinse your hair, so you don't have to gain forced resistance against the cold.

2 - Stress Causes Dandruff

Basically, everything that causes sebaceous enlargement in the scalp is responsible for dandruff. And it can have as much to do with the high temperature on the scalp as situations that cause disorders in the whole body. Stress, by releasing substances that are not beneficial to the body, especially in the bloodstream, is one of the factors responsible for dandruff.

So if you scratch your head around when you are stressed and feel like you have turned into a Christmas tree, you are not wrong: the problem of dandruff is stress. So try to cool your head, literally, so as not to lose your hair in the long run.

3 - Smoking too

Remember I said that problems affecting blood circulation are responsible for dandruff production? Well, smoking is also a major cause of dandruff. I don't want to take a foot, but I think you know: cigarettes have a lot of unhealthy substances in their blood, and they affect the same hormones released by stress.

Some people say that alcoholic drinks too, but here it is more necessary for you to control the days and the amount than simply to stop drinking. And let's face it: As refreshing as a beer is in the late afternoon, drinking too much will cause more problems than just thinning hair.

4 - And that Fatty Food too!

Here the reason is quite simple. As the amount of so-called bad fat in the body increases when you eat a lot of fried foods, undercooked meat and other foods with high amounts of this substance, your blood circulation tends to become more compromised and can not carry all the nutrients including the scalp.

The result is a bald head, a prominent tummy, and health problems that are hard to overcome at a later age. Try to reserve that fatter meat or heavier frying for the weekends at most to avoid this point.

5 - Dandruff has no cure

This is a sad fact. So far there is no remedy that will definitely end dandruff, but the amounts can be properly controlled to the point of not ending your hair. In addition to dietary and health care as a whole, you can prevent dandruff buildup by using shampoo and prescription drugs.

The Minoxidil is usually one of these remedies. Still, it should be used with caution as it can bring heavy side effects to the entire body, including the hair. If possible have a healthier life, and even cheaper.

6 - Oily hair is more likely to have dandruff.

In addition to the circumstances caused, there are the natural causes of the presence of dandruff. And if your hair is oily, large or small, dandruff growth will be constant and natural. Remember that it is not the oil itself that causes hair loss, but the enlargement of the sebaceous, a gland that protects the hair bulbs, but in excess ends up obstructing their entry and leading to dandruff production.

And here comes another factor that we already discussed in another post, which doesn't necessarily have to do with the fact that hair is oily: avoid overheating your scalp. These include wearing caps for long periods of time, or staying in hot and stuffy environments. In addition to increasing sebum production, these places can also generate scalp fungi, which is not pleasant at all.

7 - Yes, Anti-Spas work

Anti-dandruff shampoos have a love-hate relationship with their users. Although they work for the most part, they often lose efficiency over time. The most likely reason in these cases is not the poor quality of the shampoo itself, but our body that fits the formula and we are frustrated again with a head full of white bits again.

The solution to dealing with dandruff, in addition to doctor-indicated shampoos , is to look for those with Zinc Pyrithione. Shampoos with this component act directly on inflammation caused by dandruff, and greatly decrease its presence. But just for safety, see a doctor before buying a shampoo to make sure you are not allergic to it.

Treatment

Dandruff is not a condition that has a cure, it is only controlled with either specific products or better habits. However there are several effective treatments for dandruff , but it is very common that during treatment the person still presents dandruff again.

Generally speaking, simply wash your hair daily with any ordinary shampoo. In cases of recurrent dandruff, you can make use of various anti-dandruff shampoos that are efficient and found at Beard. Dandruff shampoos usually contain one of the following substances in their composition:

Zinc pyrithione;

Tar

Selenium sulphate;

Salicylic acid

There is usually no anti-dandruff shampoo that can be considered more efficient. Due to the individuality of each individual, you should find the best brand that best fits your biotype. So if your dandruff does not improve after one week of treatment, look for a brand with a different anti-dandruff substance or a combination of them until you find the one that works best for you.

If seborrheic dermatitis is associated with inflammation of the scalp, antifungal shampoos are usually indicated. Look for shampoos containing cyclopirox or ketoconazole. A dermatologist should always be consulted in any of the above situations if the patient's condition does not improve within a week.

Dandruff, myths and truths

Some myths and truths few know about dandruff:

Shaving all the hair will not end the dandruff or help treatment, after all the problem lies in the scalp and not effectively in the hair, so the size of the hair is irrelevant.

Hair loss is rather related to dandruff, especially when it is not treated and in the most severe cases, when there is inflammation of the scalp, heavy hair fall due to dandruff is inevitable then.

Stress, nicotine or tiredness can increase dandruff;

Dandruff is not caught through combs or hair brushes, ie it is not contagious;

Dandruff is not linked to poor hygiene, but is more likely to arise in people who don't wash their hair often. In fact, people who wash their hair excessively or do it with soap instead of shampoos may also have dandruff;

Men are more likely to have dandruff than women.

Now that you know the facts of dandruff happen and keep happening, you will no longer fall for absurd or lying stories. Just take the right care. And well, if one day you get a heavy hair fall without you being able to avoid it, no problem either, as it is possible to make good use of baldness and beard . See you next time, young man!

#heavyhairfall #heavyhairfallduetodandruff #causesofhairloss #suddenextremehairloss #illnessesthatcausehairloss

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ratherashleigh · 5 years

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I once posted that Katie McGrath was looking very thin, and wondered if she was sick; I was accused of body shaming. I was legitimately concerned, and didn’t/don’t understand why it was body shaming. Now, people are posting unkind things about Melissa Benoist’s hair; why is that okay? I think the comments are cruel. Please educate me.

i mean, first up, the comments about melissa's bangs are mean. they are, and i wouldn't necessarily say they're okay. i'll come back to that, but they highlight the starting point for any conversation about commenting negatively on someone else's appearance: it doesn't matter what it's about specifically, commenting negatively is a judgement that something is wrong with the way things are.

i'm trying to avoid using specifics for negative comments here because i don't want subjectivity to be read into what i'm saying here. it doesn't matter if you're commenting from an aesthetic perspective or a place of concern over health, they're both subjective assessments based on your personal perception of right, be it aesthetic or health.

unpacking the issue of subjectivity a little: it should be obvious why "i think that looks ugly" is a subjective opinion, but "i think they look unwell" is a little more difficult. but it is a subjective opinion. first, because you have absolutely no knowledge about a stranger's health, and probably not much more about a friend's. the growing scientific evidence is that outside of extremes weight is not indicative of whether or not someone is unhealthy, so your conclusion that someone's weight is indicative of an underlying health issue is mostly baseless. second, the perception that someone is thin or fat or "too" either is just that, it's a perception, and it's mostly based on aesthetics. for me, when someone loses weight, my kneejerk reaction tends to be that they look "too" thin, but someone of the exact same size who i've never seen at any other size doesn't set off that same thought. it's all relative, and makes that judgement pretty meaningless.

putting that together, you've got a subjective and likely inaccurate judgement of someone's appearance falsely dictating a conclusion about their health.

so that's your side of things but coming back to why commenting on, say, someone's bangs is less wrong than commenting on someone's weight, please note that i said "less wrong" and not "right" because really it's all just shades of wrong. the real issue for me is tied to the harm it causes, and there are a few different aspects to that: someone's haircut is a personal choice about aesthetics, someone's weight is very likely to be something they have little control over. yeah we should respect someone's choice even if we disagree with it, but put that in the context of "wrongness", what's someone supposed to do in response to make that "right"? get a different haircut? okay. but change their weight? either their health is fine, and you're essentially asking them to change for no reason, or their health isn't fine, but that's basically a coincidence, and the concern shouldn't be their weight at all. and then there's the final layer on all of that, which is that when we're told we're wrong we feel bad. whether we are objectively or subjectively wrong, or we're not wrong at all, being told that we are wrong feels bad. and to make someone feel bad for a likely incorrect conclusion about something they probably can't change? that's a pretty shitty thing to do to someone.

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scripttorture · 5 years

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CULT WIP Hi there~! So I'm working on a cult WIP and I know a common way to control people in a cult is sleep deprivation. I've looked through your sleep related tags and the cult one, but right now I'm wondering about the long con of sleep deprivation. My idea is that to keep people controlled they get less sleep than they should (your posts have made me up it from three hours per night to five per night) and the higher ups in the cult are allowed the full amount of sleep they need; (1/2)

CULT WIP (2/3) that way they operate better than others. I've jotted down a bunch of effects you've brought up but here's the thing. What if that sleep deprivation lasts forever? Like it's just a normal part of life once you hit adulthood? (I don't think kids could withstand it so I figured just not to do it). I know the Heaven's Gate cult used a lot of sleep deprivation and they lasted for ~three years so there must be some way to/balance to keep people functional, I just can't think of how.CULT WIP (3/3) Not actually part of the question but I just wanted to say THANK YOU for this blog!! It's fascinating, especially for me since I'm in grad school to be a therapist so that aspect is really interesting, and you put an incredible amount of work into all this. ~Jessica

Thankyou, it’s always nice to hear I’ve been helpful. :)

I’mgoing to go into this one with the caveat that so far as I know, noone has done this experiment. There isn’t a studied group of peoplewho have been restricted (or restricted themselves) to five hours ofsleep a night every day for their entire adult life. There are peoplewho’ve done this for a number of years and people who do this 5-6nights a week and then sleep more on the weekend for decades at atime. Now all three situations are bad for someone, but a thoroughstatistical analysis on a decent sample size might show differencesbetween them.

Sopart of this is what we know happens to the first two groups and partof it is extrapolating based on that.

Thefirst thing we knowhappens (based on the two studied groups) is a shorter, unhealthierlife.

Ihesitate to put a figure on how much shorter because it seems to varyquite a bit between individuals and I don’t know of any statisticalstudies that have put a number on it. But I think you can safely takeat least ten years off every character’s life expectancy based onthis alone.

Therates of a lotof different diseases and conditions increase. Cancer rates rise, formultiple forms of cancer. Rates of strokes and heart attacks rise.Dementia rates rise.

Nowall of those conditions are usually diseases of age. You canhave a heart attack or a cancer diagnosis as a young person, but thechances of it happening are much more likely after you hit about40-50.Lack of sleep doesn’t seem to effect the age these conditionsmanifest. It doeseffect the chances of them happening in vulnerable ages though.

Essentiallyif you take a group of 40-50 year old non-cultists from your valleysetting (I hope you don’t mind me looking at your blog? Lovelypictures by the way) less of them will have or have had cancer,strokes, heart attacks and early signs of dementia. As the populationages further the gap will become starker. Less of the cultists willsurvive to their 70-80s and those that do will be less healthy thenthe non-cultists.

Diabetesrates also increase with lack of sleep. This doesn’t appear to beage related. It is however unclear whether it’s because of theeffect lack of sleep has on the immune system or because of theeffect it has on our appetites. People who sleep less eat more andtheir bodies drive them towards more high fat and high sugar foods.

Idon’t understand the link between weight and diabetes very well, soI’m not going to talk about it in any depth. The general point I’mdriving at is that if your cult tightly controls diet that mightcounteract the rise in predisposition to diabetes. But the data isn’tentirely clear on that point.

There’salso a general rise in illness and infections. That contributes todecreased life expectancy but also means more sick days. Less timewhen any one individual can productively work.

Partof what this is gearing towards is this: I’m not sure it would bepossible to consistently keep someone on five hours sleep a nightonly for their entire life without a huge death rate.

It’sthe illnesses. I think if cult members were denied sleep while sick(especially if they’re also forced to work or their diet iscontrolled) then- well I think there’d be a lot more people dyingfrom common, preventable illnesses. Not instantly. Not within thefirst decade. But in the longer term or thirty or so years.

Onthe other hand if the cultists who are ill aregetting enough sleep then you don’t strictly have five hours sleepa night for the rest of their lives. What you’ve got instead issomething more like ‘five hours sleep a night until you reachphysical collapse, then you can rest’.

That’sextremely unhealthy, painful and harmful. But it’s less likely tokill so many people so quickly.

Partof the issue is how ‘functional’ the characters need to be. Atfive hours, it would be dangerous to drive or operate other heavymachinery. Accidents would be more likely. Mistakes would be morelikely.

Butthat doesn’t mean these characters couldn’t do most of the day today tasks required to keep a small community going.

It’snot that the cooking couldn’t get done, it’s that the chances ofdropping a pan full of boiling water on someone’s foot is a lothigher. Less that complex tasks can’t get done and more that they’dtake longer, be completed less well, less effectively and there’dbe a higher chance of accidents on the way.

Incidentallyif a big part of this story is the standard tactic of elite membersof the group making other members feel less confident in themselves-usethis effect of sleep deprivation to help accomplish that.Because people who are sleep deprived thinkthey are physically and mentally capable of more than they are.

Youcan sit them down and say ‘Listen S, the low amount of work you’vegotten through this month is unacceptable. We agreed that you couldfinish this project in a week and it’s taken two. You’re just nottrying hard enough’

Andtheywill agree.Because they don’t know how impaired they are. It’sone of the stranger effects that consistently shows up in testing andI feel like it’s very relevant here.

Theincrease in workplace accidents is also affected by the decrease inimmune function. Accidents are more likely andrecovery from them takes longer.

Theother thing that stands out to me is the effect this would have onthe living environment generally.

Sleepdeprived people are emotionally volatile. They also tend towardsbeing distrustful of others and paranoia. Again this isn’tsomething they necessarily recognise.

Whichmakes for a pretty horrendous environment when you think about alarge group of people living in fairly close quarters andunable to really avoid each other.

Thinkabout how this meshes with the rise in accidents, forgetfulness andgeneral tiredness that go along with sleep deprivation and you’llsee what I mean. Someone drops the hot pan and it just misses someoneelse’s foot- was it deliberate? Someone forgets where they putsomething- obviously it was stolen. There was a stray shoe left outin the hall and a character almost tripped over it- clearly whoeverleft it there knew thatcharacter could/would trip.

Andso forth.

Fromthe point of view of your cult leaders this sort of misery andemotional upheaval is a positive. It makes it harder for people toorganise or relate in an authentic way to each other in the longterm. It couldmake it especially hard for parents and children to keep up apositive relationship, comparedto the relationship the children could have with the cult leaders.

Becausethe parents will always be too tired, too grumpy, too unpredictable,to relate well to a young child. Whereas the well rested cult leaderscould appear calmer, kinder andseem to have more time.

There’svariation within all of this obviously. Despite damagingcircumstances some people do live to a ripe old age and don’tdevelop cancer more than ‘normal’ people would (chemistryprofessors over 80 are an interesting breed). Some people may stillbe able to show some patience and kindness despite the effects sleepdeprivation has on emotional regulation.

Moneyand treatment can also extend the life of someone who is routinelysleep deprived and suffers from multiple health problems as a result.

Ifyou’ve read my previous posts then I think you’ll have an idea ofindividual symptoms and how they get progressively worse. A lot ofthis ask was me- not just trying to map out what the indefinite timeframe you have would look like but the effect it would have on agroup and the relationships within that group.

Ihope that helps. :)

Availableon Wordpress.

Disclaimer

#tw torture #tw cults #cults #sleep deprivation #effects of sleep deprivation #effects of torture on organisations #scripturient-manipulator

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cummunication · 5 years

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Stop Weighing Yourself

“Mental Health Awareness Month has been observed in May in the United States since 1949, reaching millions of people in the United States.”

I was bulimic for ten years. Although I am not in full remission of my eating disorder, my disordered eating has greatly improved. I wouldn’t say I am fully recovered, however, I wouldn’t say I have an active eating disorder. It all started when I was a child; I remember being as young as 7 and thinking I was bigger than everyone around me. I began my first diet when I was in seventh grade and remember losing a whopping 5 pounds. I felt so proud and my friends and family reassured me on how good I looked with my new body. I can’t exactly recall why I thought I had to lose weight; I’ve always been bigger in structure than people around me. I’m not a small girl but am not obese either. My dad always told me I was big boned and I remember hating my body for as long as I remember. I never felt thin enough and was sure if I lost weight, I would be accepted. This caused me to develop a core belief that it is my appearance that prevents me from living my best life and if only I was pretty enough, everything would get better. I developed an exercise addiction in early adolescence and when I was in 9th grade, I started experimenting with self-induced vomiting. My dad (doing the best he could) told me that if I felt hungry that means I was losing weight. I bought my first diet pills when I was 16 and spent hundreds of dollars on diuretics in hopes they would assist me in attaining my dream body. Yet even when I lost weight it was still never enough. I was aiming for a moving target. If I weighed myself and was 2 pounds heavier than before, it would ruin my day. If I weighed myself and lost 2 pounds, it would confirm my belief it was working (my unhealthy behaviors). The first time I went to eating disorder treatment I was 17 years old. The clinicians would weight us and I remember them directing us to step on the scale backwards. They were allowed to see our weight but we weren’t (how embarrassing, I thought). I believed they were judging me and didn’t think I was sick enough to be in treatment. My fat made me unlovable, unworthy and unwanted. “if only I had enough willpower to starve myself” I thought during support groups. The bulimics wished they were anorexic and the anorexics wished they could make themselves throw up. After a while, my mom hid the scale and I felt an undeniable compulsion to find it. I did a majority of the time and when I stepped on felt my impulsion diminish. My body was a stop sign telling people not to get close. God forbid they saw my flaws and imperfections; nobody could ever love me. I hated myself and my body. I hated it so much I was stuck in a cycle of self destruction. I’d hurt myself and feel guilty afterwards. I felt so ashamed it would lead to more self-damaging behaviors and I didn’t know how to stop. To this day I still struggle with automatic negative thoughts (ANTS) and low self-esteem. When we have a belief about ourselves, we seek external evidence to validate our beliefs. If for example, I asked someone out and they rejected me, I automatically revert to confirming the reason is because of my looks. Although I would no longer say I am bulimic, self-comparison is still something I have to work on. It’s super easy to want what we don’t have. Short girls wish they were taller and tall girls (like me) say “if only I was shorter…”. It’s a never ending, losing battle. If you have a healthy relationship with food, you don’t necessarily have to avoid the scale like me. If, however, you suffered from an eating disorder I would suggest not bothering. Whenever I see a scale I still have the urge to step on but ask myself “what’s the point? where will this get me?” I don’t believe we should weigh ourselves unless it’s for medical purposes. It will either validate our negative beliefs or inflate our ego. I’ve learned it’s more beneficial to go by how you feel. “Recent studies have shown weighing yourself daily contributes to bad mental health and disordered eating habits. If stepping onto the scale is part of your daily routine, it is a scary thing to give up. For many people, the scale helps to reassure you that you’re on track, or warns you when you’re falling off the wagon. Giving this up is scary and can feel like giving up control. But weighing yourself carries with it many harmful side effects.” I no longer put myself on diets. After all, I’ve pretty much tried them all. I know it’s risky and all too easy to get carried away. I no longer exercise impulsively either or skip plans/school/work to work out. For the most part, I try to eat intuitively and go by how my clothes fit. Working in a health food store, I have to hear about the newest fad diets and “what’s good/bad for you etc.” It isn’t super helpful to be in this environment all the time but I’ve learned to distance myself from other people’s unhealthful obsessions (bordering orthorexia). I listen to my body and as my figure changes over the years, I try to focus on what it can do versus how I’m not the perfect size according to society. I’m slowly learning to accept I’ll never be stick thin and that’s just the way God made me. Instead of complaining about my body, I work to appreciate and care for it. Our bodies are amazingly intelligent and we only have one so we might as well start to love them. In the end, they will thank us and you’ll be glad you did.

#mham #mentalhealth #mental health #mental heath support #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #bulimia #bulimic #bulimiarecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorders #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #edawareness #healthateverysize #selflove #self love

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blaperile · 5 years

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Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 19 (Epilogue 4 Page 2)

#Homestuck #The Homestuck Epilogues #Meat #Epilogue Four #Jade #Roxy #Calliope #Dirk

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fatphobiabusters · 6 years

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Content warning: Pro Anorexia, Pro Bulimia, Weight Loss, Eating Disorders, Thinspo

I wouldn’t normally post what someone sent us in a fanmail, but this made me angry enough that I feel it should be addressed here.

I’m sure this person was well-intentioned, but I need to discuss this with you all because there is something you really need to understand, something this person didn’t.

I am sick and tired of the way that, whenever we call out the hatefulness and dangerousness that is the pro-ana mentality, whenever we call out people who just happen to have anorexia for their fatphobia, whenever we call out rhetoric that pushes eating disorders onto others and tries to conflate restricted eating or starving with some kind of glamorous, healthy, wonderful weight loss diet that will make you oh so beautiful, etc., someone always has to scream at us for supposedly hating anorexic people or not understanding what anorexia is.

I’m fed up, honestly.

Recently, I made a post explaining that fitspo and pro-ana are connected, and that is why I don’t like fitspo. Fitspo isn’t about being healthy and fit; it’s about damaging your body and taking on dangerous exercise regimens while not nourishing your body or even starving yourself. And like pro-ana, fitspo pushes the idea that having body fat is a horrible, horrible thing, that it is shameful, that it is a failure on your part, etc., and that you should be willing to go to any length, to even die, to get rid of all your body fat. Which, for the record, is literally impossible, and this pursuit really can kill you.

And in the post, I said, “You can check our other posts on pro ana to fully understand the mindset behind these blogs and see what kinds of things they say and post.” And I said that because every single time we talk about pro ana, people don’t understand how it’s different from just being anorexic, take what we said as some kind of attack against or blanket statement about all anorexic people, and start massive fights and spread rumors about how much we “hate” people with eating disorders.

Which, by the way, anti fat acceptance people use against us to try to show people with eating disorders that fat people are their enemy (completely ignoring you can be fat with an eating disorder) and that they should become fatphobic and anti fat acceptance too. And it works. And for many people with eating disorders, that is extremely dangerous, because if you see fat people as a bad thing, you will see fatness as a bad thing, and then it only becomes harder to recover and to take care of your body because you become more and more desperate to not be fat.

Obviously, eating disorders aren’t always about not being fat- but it would be ignorant and false to say that that is never a factor, or that weight is never a massive concern for people with anorexia, bulimia, and the like.

So I wanted to make the point right away: if you don’t know what pro ana is, you can look it up on our blog and see it for yourself. That way, there should be very little misunderstandings here.

We have many posts about how people with anorexia are not the enemy, how people with anorexia deserve help, love, and support, etc., but how using anorexic people as a tool in your anti-fat rhetoric or promoting a pro-ana mentality is not okay. We have stated many times that we don’t have a problem with people with anorexia unless they treat us poorly for our weight- which, despite what you might want to believe, happens. We don’t treat them differently from anyone else in that sense.

We aren’t going to give someone a free pass on being hateful and fatphobic just because of a factor of their identity, and that shouldn’t be seen as unreasonable. It’s not that we are judging them for their mental illness; it’s that we are holding them accountable for how their behavior and words hurt other people. The same thing we do with anyone else of any size or mental health status or whatever else.

Hating pro ana is not about hating people with anorexia. It is about hating a specific mindset that tells people that starving is better than being fat.

I have literally seen the words “Better dead than fat” on these blogs. So this is not an exaggeration of what they are doing.

So, onto this fanmail that bothered me so much.

Hi. I read your recent post on fitspo/eating disorders, and I agree with almost everything. I hate pro-ana blogs with a burning passion, and have blocked a ton of related tags, including fitspo.

This is how the message started. And I want to believe the person meant it, that they understand how these blogs are hurtful and dangerous to a variety of people, that they get why we hate them so strongly. But I’m not convinced, and that’s because of what they said in the rest of their message.

I do want to say, though, that some of the language you used to describe anorexia felt… surprising. The stuff about “eagerly starv[ing]” and anorexia being about hating fat people… it upset me a little

Except I never described anorexia in the post. I never talked about anorexia in general in the post. I talked only about pro ana blogs, about pro mia blogs, about fitspo blogs.

And pro ana blogs, pro mia blogs, and fitspo blogs often promote the hatred of fatness, of being fat, of looking fat, of fat people. We’ve talked about it before here, and if this person had actually gone through our other posts on the topic, they’d know what I mean. Many of these blogs hate reblog pictures of fat people to use them as examples of what “ugly” looks like and to motivate themselves not to be fat. They leave mean, horrid comments on these pictures. They describe fatness like it’s a moral failure. Again, they say it’s better to be dead than fat. They bully fat people, they say awful things about fat people, they attack others for not hating fat people... I mean, it’s impossible to deny that much of what they are doing is about their hatred of fatness and their fear and disgust of the idea of being fat themselves.

And they are proud of their starvation. They show it off like a badge of honor. They don’t feel like they are hurting themselves. They, in fact, brag about how much they are bettering themselves by losing weight. They flaunt it, and encourage others to starve themselves. They are always eager to learn new unhealthy quick methods of weight loss to combine with the starvation. They post selfies of their progress, partially to fish for compliments from others who share the same mindset, and partially in hopes of getting insulted to keep motivated to keep starving. That is pro ana! This is not anorexia in general!

And I know that, which is why the post was only about pro ana.

The whole point of the post was to answer a question we keep getting in our inbox: “How can you possibly hate fitspo/fitspiration?” And so I answered it, by first explaining pro ana and second by drawing the connection between the two.

The post was never talking about anorexia. Hell, some people who run pro ana blogs don’t even meet the medical requirements of anorexia or even atypical anorexia, because you don’t necessarily have to starve yourself in order to encourage others to starve themselves and say that being fat is the worst thing ever! So although uncommon, not all of these blogs are run by anorexic people! Many fitspo blogs, for example, are not!

Anyway, the fanmail went on from there to talk about the sender’s own anorexia... again, completely missing the part about how this isn’t about anorexia in general. And the best part was that they felt the need to “educate” me on how anorexia is often about control... something I already know, because every time people scream and insult us for “attacking” anorexic people, they feel the need to tell us this.

And never once did the sender consider that maybe we at this blog have more experience with eating disorders than they think. They spent the whole time “teaching” us about them, assuming none of us have ever struggled with one.

Sender, maybe you should check our “atypical anorexia” tag and see all the drama we have caused in the past by pointing out fat people with eating disorders exist- including fat people who restrict their eating or starve themselves. Why? Because you may find out that making assumptions about the mods is a shitty thing to do.

My eating disorder isn’t because I hate fat people. I’d wager that most eating disorders don’t stem from that, even if they look like it.

No one was talking about you, though, sender! If you are not a pro ana blog, our posts calling out pro ana are not about you!

And for the record, not everyone who hates fatness and fat people realizes they do! Fatphobia is one of those things that, like many other prejudices, you can have without even realizing!

Also, being fatphobic against yourself still counts as being fatphobic! And surprise, there are a lot of people out there who claim to never hate fat people but sure do hate themselves for being too fat or for being too much “like” a fat person (i.e. eating too much, not caring about their weight as much as they “should,” typical fat people stereotypes like that)! And that still hurts other fat people even if you don’t want to believe it!

Yeah, I know this person meant well, but I am angry. I am tired of having these conversations over and over again.

Pro-ana is disgusting and should be banned from Tumblr, but anorexic people, and people with other EDs, are human too, and we suffer in ways which are certainly not as superficial as they might seem at first glance.

Yes, I know this. Still doesn’t change that pro ana is fatphobic and dangerous and that I am allowed to call it out. Which is all I did. Seriously.

Please y’all, read our posts carefully before you “critique” them next time? And don’t make shitty assumptions about our mods or our opinions and viewpoints when you do?

- Mod Bella

#Bella Blogs #Weight Loss TW #Death TW #Pro Ana TW #Pro Mia TW #Eating Disorder TW #Body Shaming #Fat Shaming #Fatphobia #Healthism #Sizeism #Weight Bigotry #Weight Discrimination #Discrimination Against Fat People

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drlaurynlax · 5 years

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5 Easy Ways to Heal Anxiety Naturally

Natural Remedies To Heal Anxiety

There are many all-natural remedies to heal anxiety. Mental health illnesses are one of the leading diseases in the U.S.—affecting 1 in 5 adults every year. Read on to find out more

Mental health illnesses don’t necessarily mean text book cases like schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder either. Common (often unspoken) mental health illnesses also include chronic anxiety, eating disorders, OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), depression and “serious psychological distress (SPD)”—a term to describe feelings of sadness, worthlessness, and restlessness that are hazardous enough to impair physical well being.

Typical treatment solutions routinely include a prescription for therapy/counseling, meditation or yoga and SSRI medications.

However, despite our nation’s efforts to reverse these disorders, the numbers are not getting any better.

Why?!

One word: The gut-brain connection.

THE GUT-BRAIN CONNECTION

Your gut health influences your brain health, and vice versa, your brain health influences your gut health.

Unfortunately, statistics reveal that approximately 3 in 4 Americans have some sort of GI distress or dysfunction. With such high statistics, NO WONDER mental health is on the rise.

How does the gut-brain connection work?

Considering that the gut is the “gateway” to your health (ALL nutrients and toxins MUST filter through your gut), if you gut is unhealthy, then your brain will feel the effects as well—unable to receive the nutrients it needs to fuel healthy brain cells, give you energy and help you think CLEARLY.

Beyond just nourishing your brain cells too, your gut and your brain are highly connected. So before you jump to any conclusion on how to heal anxiety, consider this.

In fact, your vagus nerve—the nerve that controls digestion—is connected directly from the frontal lobe of your brain to the top of your stomach.

NO WONDER you get “butterflies in your stomach” when your brain gets nervous! And NO WONDER when you feel constipated or bloated, your discomfort is all you can THINK about in your head!

In addition, more than 90% of your serotonin (your “feel good” brain chemicals) is produced in your gut, and your serotonin not only responsible for helping you feel calm, peaceful, happy and enthusiastic, but your serotonin ALSO assists in digestion and gut motility (helping you fully digest and go #2).

Hence if your gut health is poor and unable to produce serotonin, then say hello to feelings of anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and bloating or constipation.

The Bottom Line:

Your gut is like your brain’s heart beat. If it’s healthy and strong, so is your brain.

So how do you get a “healthy” gut? Current treatments may NOT be the solution and finding the right solution to heal anxiety can be a challenge.

THE LITTLE KNOWN TRUTH ABOUT SSRI MEDICATIONS

SSRI medications can be beneficial for many, especially as a short-term solution for helping a person navigate a difficult time in their life, however, like many other drugs—(from Advil for headaches, to birth control for PMS, to PPI’s like Nexium for heartburn), SSRI’s are not a long-term healing solution or cure for reversing mental illness.

They are more part of treatment and management.

In fact, a little known truth about SSRI’s is that they may actually perpetuate mental health issues more by killing off or disrupting healthy gut bacteria.

While a large percentage of pharmaceutical research has highlighted the devastating effects of antibiotics on the gut microbiome, and what impact that has on human health, a landmark March 2018 study (Maier et al, 2018) was the first to systematically profile interactions between non-antibiotics and human gut bacteria—SSRI’s included.

Researchers found that SSRI drugs may be just as detrimental to the human microbiome—if not more—as they inhibited MORE (healthy) gut bacteria than many antibiotics, PPI’s (proton pump inhibitors that treat reflux) and anti-diabetic drugs used in the study. On the flip side, researchers ALSO speculated that SSRI’s strong effects on gut bacteria could be a reason WHY many people experience a “therapeutic” effect on SSRI’s—at least initially as bacteria is .

If pathogenic (bad) bacteria is contributing to a person’s mental health condition, then SSRI’s may actually also disrupt unhealthy bacteria. However, similar to antibiotics, SSRI’s also disrupt the “healthy” gut bacteria, contributing to the dog-chasing-its-tail cycle of an unhealthy microbiome over the long term and continued gut-brain disruption.

The Bottom Line

SSRI medications don’t heal. They manage. If you want to truly “heal” your brain from the inside out, address and heal your gut first, while not discounting your total health and lifestyle as a whole (Read: You are not a diagnosis, an ICD-10 code for insurance, a disease or symptoms. You are a person).

Here are some natural cures to heal anxiety and other mental health solutions for natural (gut) healing.

NATURAL ANXIETY & MENTAL HEALTH GUT HEALING SOLUTIONS

A number of remedies have been studied to heal anxiety. If you dealing with it today, medication doesn’t have to be your only treatment. Try the 5 natural ways to heal anxiety.

1. Assess Your Current Gut Health

Fungal overgrowth, parasites (Nyundo et al, 2017), bacterial overgrowth and gut infections are all leading causes of “gut issues” and many people go for years—if not their lifetime—not realizing their gut was unhealthy. A thorough gut assessment can help shed light on what, if any, underlying pathogens may be wreaking havoc on your gut.

A good baseline assessment would include: comprehensive blood panel, comprehensive 3-part stool and parasitology test, and possibly a SIBO breath test (assesses for bacterial overgrowth). Working with a skilled nutritionist or functional medicine practitioner can help make this step easier. Once results are back, a specific (short-term) supplement and nutrition protocol may be prescribed for you, based on your results, in order to heal (no longer just manage) gut symptoms (and brain symptoms).

2. Support Healthy Digestion

Incorporate a daily baseline gut health routine (just like brushing your teeth) that includes:

Take a Daily Soil-Based Probiotic & Eat 1-2 Fermented Foods/Daily (sauerkraut, grass-fed full-fat plain yogurt or kefir, low-sugar kombucha).

Prebiotic Fiber (1/2-1 tsp/daily).

Drink 1-2 tbsp. Apple Cider Vinegar in 2-4 oz. water.

Breathe deeply before or after meals for 1-2 minutes, chew your food well, and rest and digest (i.e. don’t eat in a rush or on the go).

3. Detox Your Lifestyle

Beyond juice cleanses, several lifestyle stressors and toxins wreak havoc on your health—especially your gut health—as your liver becomes overburdened with filtering these toxins in and out, and toxins promote bacterial overgrowth. We are exposed to over 85,000 “approved” chemicals and toxins in our cleaning and hygiene products, food sources and environments—many of which are banned in other countries. No, you can’t live in a bubble, but by mindfully reducing your toxic exposure, you CAN detox your gut health (positively). Consider detoxing one of the following:

-Replace plastics with glassware and stainless steel

-Choose hygiene products that rank 1 or “A” on EWG’s “Skin Deep” database (paraben, sulfate and toxin free)

-Use white vinegar and baking soda as natural cleaning agents

-Gradually replace makeup with more natural solutions as you run out

-Buy the “dirty dozen” in organic versions and opt for grass-fed, organic meats and fish as much as possible

4. Eat REAL Food & Clean (Filtered) Water

It may sound oversimplistic, but food is like medicine for your gut and brain, and if you haven’t given real food a “shot” to see how it affects your brain health…I dare you. Cut out the non-real food products for 7 days and see how you feel, including:

NOT RIGHT NOW FOODS

Gluten and grains (cereals, bread, rice, pasta)

Dairy

Non-soaked nuts

Conventional meat and eggs

Packaged, processed foods

Artificial sweeteners and sugar

Sodas, juices and alcohol

Instant coffee

It doesn’t mean forever, but sometimes a brief time away from common gut-brain irritating trigger foods (inflammatory) can help your brain “come to life.” Build your daily meals and snacks upon:

EAT THESE FOODS

Sustainable proteins (wild caught, grass-fed, pasture raised).

Dark leafy greens (cooked and/or raw).

Starchy tubers (yams, potatoes, sweet potatoes, winter squashes, plantains).

Fibrous veggies

Some fresh fruit

Healthy fats (avocado, olives, olive oil, coconut oil, coconut butter, ghee, grass-fed butter, etc.).

Clean filtered water (70-80% of people drink carcinogenic water with over 100 cancer cross contaminants).

5. Continue Your Healing Work

Though gut healing and physical well-being greatly impacts your total body health—brain included, none of this is to discount the heart and head work that continued “healing” in counseling, therapy, coaching and connecting to your personal passions and purpose can give you in your healing process. In fact, “gut love” goes much deeper than taking probiotics alone. (i.e. learning to love yourself, tapping in to your unique personal hobbies and passions, and connecting to community and spiritual connection).

The Bottom Line:

Gut assessment and healing

Real food +

Gut Love (Heart & head “work” in therapy/counseling, and connecting to your passions, purpose and other people)

Healing!

Resources

Maier, Lisa & Pruteanu, Mihaela & Kuhn, Michael & Zeller, Georg & Telzerow, Anja & Erin Anderson, Exene & Brochado, Ana & Conrad Fernandez, Keith & Dose, Hitomi & Mori, Hirotada & Patil, Kiran & Bork, Peer & Typas, Athanasios. (2018). Extensive impact of non-antibiotic drugs on human gut bacteria. Nature. 555. 10.1038/nature25979.

Nyundo, A. A., Munisi, D. Z., & Gesase, A. P. (2017). Prevalence and Correlates of Intestinal Parasites among Patients Admitted to Mirembe National Mental Health Hospital, Dodoma, Tanzania. Journal of Parasitology Research, 2017, 5651717.

The post 5 Easy Ways to Heal Anxiety Naturally appeared first on Meet Dr. Lauryn.

Source/Repost=> https://drlauryn.com/mindset-body-love/5-easy-ways-to-heal-anxiety-naturally/ ** Dr. Lauryn Lax __Nutrition. Therapy. Functional Medicine ** https://drlauryn.com/

#Holistic #Nutrition #Therapy #Recovery #Functional #Medicine #Dr. Lauryn Lax #Dr.Lauryn

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her-culture · 6 years

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Do You Know What You Are Eating?

Geo Sique (Guest Poster)

As a teenager, I was one of those people who could eat whatever they wanted and still be skinny. I remember coming home from school and eating ice cream, chips, and popcorn — sometimes all in one day. I knew it wasn’t healthy, but I didn’t think it was hurting me since I remained skinny. As I started reading articles about eating healthy, I tried to avoid eating foods that were bad for my health. First, I stopped eating fast food. Then, I stopped drinking soda. Though I knew that I ate some unhealthy meals, it wasn’t until I graduated college that I learned just how awful my diet still was.

At that point, I got a job as a writer and two things happened. The first was that I started gaining weight, mostly from sitting down all day. My clothes started fitting me tighter and I started noticing a few stretch marks. The second was that as I wrote health articles, I learned more about what healthy eating really meant and discovered hidden dangers in my general diet, and I learned how bad sitting all day was. After that, I tried sticking to better health guidelines for my diet and exercise.

Recommended Daily Servings

The first thing I learned was the truth about recommended daily servings. Though I knew that I should limit my sugar and sodium intake, I never paid attention to what the limit should be or how much I was eating. All health intake guidelines will vary depending on each individual, but the recommended daily servings are still important to know to have a baseline knowledge of what you should be eating. Here is what I learned.

Regarding pre-packaged foods, the FDA recommends looking at the Percent Daily Value. Servings, with 5 percent daily value being low and 20 percent being high. Looking at this percentage is a good way to get an idea of how much of something your food has in it.

Another way to get a grasp on what you should be eating every day is to envision the portions you should be having every day. The daily recommendations are usually given in grams, which can be hard to grasp. Converting those from grams to teaspoons or daily spoons is a great way to process what your body needs everyday as well as help you know how much is too much.

Upper Limits

In researching the recommended daily servings, I was shocked to learn that the recommended daily value is not in fact the daily value that doctors recommend, but it is an upper limit. So, it is important to note that the daily value on the nutrition level does not necessarily reflect what you should be eating, but what you should not be surpassing. To say the least, it’s challenging to monitor and maintain your macronutrients.

For a starting baseline, here are the basic recommended daily servings for the average adult in the U.S.:

Carbohydrates: 225-325 grams of carbohydrates

Calories: the average adult man should consume 2,000 to 3,000 calories per day, and the average adult woman should consume 1,600 to 2,000 calories per day

Sodium: less than 2400 milligrams

Fat: 44-77 grams of fat per day

Other factors beyond age and sex should also be considered, including weight and activity level. For example, sedentary people need fewer calories while active people need more.

Too Sweet?

The biggest shock for me was learning about sugar. The daily value for sugar, as implemented by the American Heart Association, is about 25 grams, or 6 teaspoons of sugar. If that sounds like an unreasonably small amount to you, it’s because the average American consumes 82 grams or 19.5 teaspoons per day. That is more than triple this guideline, which is already an upper limit.

If that hasn’t sent you running to search your kitchen cabinets and fridge to check the levels of sugar in the foods you consume daily, you might want to consider doing it now. Many drinks, sweet snacks, and miscellaneous sauces are packed with more than the daily value recommended by the FDA.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise to you that there is a lot of sugar in most food products found at the grocery store, but learning the sheer amount is shocking. One Vitamin Water contains over 100 percent of the daily value, one yogurt can have half the daily value. Add a couple servings of sugary cereal (the serving size, one cup, is not enough) and you are looking at twice the upper limit for your sugar intake, all before lunch.

Eating Better

After I started paying attention to all of these things, I recognized many signs that I needed to change my diet. Trying to lower my intake of sugar was the most important to me, and I realized that unless you cook your own food most of the time, it can feel impossible. I realized that my breakfast alone sometimes had more than enough sugar for the day. At first, this made me panic and I had anxiety about eating sugary foods. After awhile, this subsided and I just tried to limit sugar whenever possible, but still treat myself occasionally. I didn’t want to develop an unhealthy relationship with food and become obsessed with counting everything.

A few things I did to reduce my intake of sugar was trading all your sugary drinks — including juice — for water. It’s difficult to find any drinks that don’t have any sugar in them without making them yourself, and since you’ll definitely be getting enough sugar from your meals and snacks, it’s best not to add on to it with what you drink.

I also limited my intake of condiments, as sauces, dressings, and ketchup, as they all add up to frightening quantities of sugar. A sad reality that I had have to face is that I needed to cut out desserts from my daily diet — though I do indulge occasionally. You can even just cut back to weekends and special occasions; this can massively cut down the harmful sugar entering your body.

Also, you can try staying away from foods that contain a lot of sodium, such as lunch meat, hamburgers, savory snacks, and bread. You can also make a habit of not adding extra salt to your meals, instead finding other ways to flavor your food like adding herbs or pepper instead.

You can also try these tips from Arizona State University’s nutritional program:

Eat mindfully and intentionally

Try superfoods that are good for your health

Consider the long-term effects of your eating habits

Don’t make yourself hangry or starve yourself to be skinny

Don’t drink too much caffeine

Don’t follow trending diets that don’t feel healthy to you

What you eat is a personal responsibility that needs to be taken seriously. You can talk to your nurse practitioner on ways to optimize your diet as part of your preventative health plan. It’s not always easy and your diet doesn’t have to be perfect, and mentality plays a large role. Avoiding diet culture is important to me, and instead, I try to avoid unhealthy foods and eat a wholesome, nutritious diet.

I measure my health by how I look and feel rather than by how much I weigh. Weight can be a scary thing to look at, especially when gaining muscle can make the pounds go up, even though you’re losing fat. However, I feel more confident after working out, and I feel healthier when I keep an eye on what I’m eating. I feel in control of my health. I even had a doctor check up and for the first time I wasn’t underweight, but at a healthy one, and being healthy is what counts.

This article was published on the HerCulture blog. If you would like to submit an article, head on over to HerCulture to learn more about our writers and our magzine. Additionally, check out our social media (twitter, instagram, facebook, and tumblr!), our handles are herculture. Give this post a like and make sure you follow us on any of our accounts. By the end of December, we would like to reach our goal of 400 people on this tumblr account!

Start a culture revolution!

x Likhita

#eat healthy #eatmindfully #health and wellbeing #herculture #culturerevolution #online magazine

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