#not like i think it's impossible for jared and connor to have had (in the past ig or. the future) a more Okay relationship; which also | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

panicroom01 · 3 years

Text

"Just a phase" (Connor x reader)

TW: Mostly angst, a little fluff tho, cursing, weed bc it's connor, fem!reader, Connor is probably ooc.

Requested? Nope lol

A/N: This probably could've had a better name lmao, but I'm taking a break from the fics I have in the works to write this, I should hopefully be getting back to writing them lol, also I made this with the song "18" by Anarbor in mind, but it's not exactly like the song, basically Connor tells his parents that he and the reader were dating and she agrees to pretend to be his girlfriend and she eventually catches feelings, might make another version of this tho, or another Connor x Reader based more off the song again. Anyways stay safe!

Here you were laying on your bed with your best friend, Connor Murphy. You noticed he seemed uncomfortable so you decided to ask him about it "Hey Con, what's wrong," his answer came quickly "nothing," a blatant lie that you saw right through. You quickly sat up and tilted your head.

"Really, it doesn't look like nothing" you replied to him, Connor was never all that secretive with you, he would tell you everything. "Fine, just promise you won't be mad" he finally said, sitting up now, and you nodded. "We're partners in crime, I can't be mad at you" you teased, punching his shoulder lightheartedly.

"I told my parents you and I were dating" he admitted, running his fingers through his long dark hair and you were rendered speechless. "Wow" was all you could say and Connor took it as a bad wow.

"Shit, look, I'm sorry, my parents have just been so annoying trying to ask me if I'm dating anyone yet and getting in my love life so I just told them we were dating to get them to shut up" he explained and you nodded in understanding. "I get that, if you want we could pretend to date so they get off your case" you suggested and he smiled gratefully "that would be great, thanks."

You couldn't help but smile back at his dopey grin and ruffle his hair a little bit, which caused him to jokingly push you away.

A few days later and you're officially introduced to the Murphy's as Connor's girlfriend, you'd met them before, but it was always brief, like when you'd knock on the door to pick up Connor either to go to your house or go on a walk with him.

You had also been in the house on several occasions and it was just you and Connor, no one else.

Tonight was different, tonight you were actually having dinner with the rest of the family and it was your first time having to pretend to be Connor's girlfriend.

Naturally you sat next to Connor and observed the rest of the family. Mrs. Murphy, had made a gluten free lasagna for dinner, not what you would've chosen but food is food.

The awkward silence was finally broken by Mr. Murphy. "Connor's never mentioned you around us" he stated and you replied back "Connor's never talked to me about you either" that was a lie. You could name multiple occasions Connor snuck to your house to escape the noise of his parents arguing, or just wanting to avoid them overall and he trusted you.

More awkward silence filled the room, until another Murphy spoke, this time it was Zoe. You knew Zoe, she would occasionally sit with you at lunch with Evan, Jared, Alana, and Connor (obviously). But other days she would sit with her friends so you didn't know her all to well.

"Why, out of anyone you could be with, would you pick my brother? I see you guys at lunch and you two just seem like friends," she questioned, causing Cynthia to speak up "Zoe, that's not very nice" "yeah well neither is Connor, I just wanna know what she sees in him" she shrugged.

You answered her question "Connor's sweet and good to me" you looked over at him to see he was staring down at his now mostly empty plate. "May we be excused to Connor's room?" you asked and Larry nodded "keep the door open though," you and Connor nodded in agreement and quickly put your dishes in the sink and went up to his room.

Connor was relieved to finally be in his own room and away from everyone else. "You okay, Con, you didn't say a thing at dinner," you asked, a little concerned, and he sighed.

"Yeah I'm fine [Y/N], it's nothing," "well it didn't seem like nothing," you responded, crossing your arms. "It just feels unfair making you go through all this because I made a dumb mistake of saying something to keep them from asking me more dumb shit."

You frowned "this isn't your fault Connor, besides I wouldn't pass up an excuse to spend time with you" and he grinned slightly, pushing you playfully "you dork" he teased.

Two months later. That's how much time has passed since your first "date" with Connor. You had skipped out on going to a concert with tickets Cynthia and Larry paid for and were instead spending time in your house.

You and Connor usually skipped on these dates Cynthia and Larry paid for the two of you, so this wasn't anything new.

Connor was laying on your bed smoking weed, you were fine with him smoking in your room, you didn't mind the smell. Something about this night seemed different though, you didn't know what but you saw something in Connor.

You were attracted to your best friend, you had no clue why, but you actually started wishing you two were actually boyfriend and girlfriend. But you knew you weren't and it hurt because no matter how convincing he was with his parents you knew it was a phase. Connor didn't really love you.

A week later you started completely avoiding Connor all together. You ate lunch alone that week, ignored all his texts, didn't come over to his place like you normally did, and you definitely didn't invite him over to yours.

Throughout the week you'd gotten texts from Alana, Evan, and Jared asking what happened with you and Connor, because it was impossible for them to not notice, they saw how you would be talking with them one minute and make an excuse to leave when Connor came along.

You ignored them too. That friday Connor had stopped you in the hall to ask why you've been so standoffish but you just shrugged "it's nothing," you stated, trying to make your way to class. "It isn't, you've been ignoring me for the past week now," he said but you drowned out the sound of his voice by putting in your earbuds and playing your music.

That night you were trying to do your homework, but you were too distracted by the thought of Connor, you tried to play music to drown out the thought of him but that didn't work either so you ended up in your bed, putting on a black hoodie of his you had "stolen" from a time you were cold while spending time with him and he let you borrow it and you just forgot to return it. It smelled like him too.

He had a dozen of the same hoodies at home and you knew that but it didn't matter because he was willing to be cold temporarily for you.

You suddenly heard a knock at your window and got up to investigate, you opened it up and lo and behold was Connor Murphy "hey," he said "hey," you replied "can I come in," he asked and you simply nodded, stepping aside so he could climb into your room.

There was a long silence until Connor finally spoke and broke it "what did I do," he asked, "what do you mean?" you asked "you ignored me for a fucking week, when I tried to talk to you all you did was brush me off, so what did I do, did I say something I shouldn't have?" he explained, starting to guess now. You could hear the hurt in his voice and it hurt you.

"You didn't do anything" you said, taking a step closer to him and he looked at the ground "bullshit" he muttered.

"What," you asked, not hearing what he said "bullshit!" he shouted "so I'm asking again, what did I do wrong, please, I need to know, I need to make it right" his voice cracked at please which made your heart sink.

"I'm being honest Connor, you really did nothing, besides it was just a week, it wasn't like you didn't have Jared, Evan, or Alana" you said, "they aren't you, they're fun to hang around, but they don't get me like you do, so I'm asking you again what I did to upset you?" he said, you saw tears brimming at his eyes.

"I'm in love with you Connor" you said softly, and you saw his head lift up slightly "what," he asked "I said I'm in love with you, that day you got high in my room, a week ago, I saw something in you, I didn't want to make things awkward between us" you confessed.

Connor had walked over to your bed and sat on the edge of it "wow," was all he said. "Was that a good or bad wow," you asked. "I don't know" Connor answered.

"How long have you known?" he asked, running a hand through his long brown hair. "Remember that day we were supposed to go to that concert and you got high here instead?" you asked "of course I do," he answered "that's when I realized it, something about you looked different, but familiar too and I just realized that I liked you" you said, sitting on your bed next to Connor.

"Well if it makes you feel better, I think I fell for you that day too, I just thought it was the weed though so I ignored it" he said smiling softly, and you didn't believe him until you looked in his eyes and saw the truth.

You leaned in and kissed him on the lips, it wasn't like the times you kissed him around his family, this time it had meaning to you two.

"Is that the hoodie I lent you," Connor asked realizing what you were wearing finally. "Yeah but you have a dozen hoodies at home, besides, I couldn't stop thinking about you" you answered. "Psh dork," he teased, pushing you lightheartedly and you laughed "hey, I'm your dork," "my beautiful dork," he said with a smile and kissed you on the forehead.

#deh #deh fanfic #deh x reader #dear evan hansen #dear evan hansen x reader angst #dear evan hansen x reader #connor murphy x reader angst #connor murphy x reader fluff #connor x reader #connor murphy x reader #connor murphy #I'm actually pretty proud of this

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lestatslestits · 3 years

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Dear Evan Hansen info dump! Dear Evan Hansen info dump! Pls I saw it in London and fucking despised that show

OKAY sorry this took a while I got tied up at work.

For those unfamiliar, here’s a very basic rundown of the plot as I remember it because I refuse to revisit it.

Content warning for. So many things. Suicide, mental illness, lying, gaslighting, and like. Just a weird song about siblings. I dunno.

So basically there’s this kid named Evan Hansen who has social anxiety and probably depression, and he sees a therapist, who has told him to write letters to himself as an assignment. It’s the first day of school after summer break and his arm is in a cast because he broke it climbing a tree. This is our “hero.”

He’s got a crush on a girl named Zoe (Zoey?), who he desperately wants to notice him but he’s awkward and shy and has a song about it. Zoe’s older brother, Connor, is what happens when 45 year old theatre producers google what a depressed teenager looks like. I think he may actually be described in canon as looking like a school shooter? Even if I’m wrong about that, it’s clearly the intended vibe.

So Evan goes to school with his letter, meets Connor there (who he does not know at all, and that is extremely important), and Connor asks to sign his cast. He does it HUGE letters so it’s impossible to miss, but while this interaction goes down he finds Evan’s letter, which talks about how he has put all of his hope into his relationship with Connor’s sister, Zoe. It’s worded weirdly ambiguously because it’s a surprise tool that will help us later. Anyways, Connor freaks out at the idea of Evan writing about his sister, and he takes the letter.

Later Evan gets called into the office to speak to Connor’s parents, because Connor has committed suicide. And on his person is a letter that begins “Dear Evan Hansen.”

So now everyone is convinced he was Connor’s only friend, and that this was Connor’s suicide note. Connor’s family starts asking Evan questions about Connor and instead of explaining the mixup, Evan just ???? Goes with it???????????? He makes up a WHOLE ASS BACKSTORY about his deep friendship with Connor, writes additional Dear Evan Hansen letters, and develops a relationship with Connor’s grieving family.

A person at school (in the musical the character is a girl but in the movie I think the actor is non-binary and I dunno if the character will be or not) sets up a memorial for Connor and asks Evan to speak. He does, someone posts his speech on youtube, and he goes mega viral for talking about the impact Connor had on him. Suddenly a whole campaign starts, around the phrase “You will be found.”

Evan gets super famous, but his mom and his friend uhhh Jared I think is his name have gotten wise and shit is falling apart.

Okay I did have to google a bit for the ending because I blocked it out.

Ultimately Evan confessed what he did to Connor’s family, because the “suicide note” got leaked online and now people blame Connor’s parents. So he comes clean in a way that is like “I’m so sorry, but please consider that I was sad.”

And they’re mad but they don’t pursue it at all or tell anyone about all of his lies because ???? What are consequences???

Evan’s mom finds out that his fall that led to a broken arm was actually a suicide attempt, so she feels guilty and sad for??? Being a single mom and having to work?????

A year later Evan meets up with Zoe who says that actually everything Evan did was okay because it brought her family closer together, and actually thru needed this.

Evan has no consequences, other than feeling kind of guilty, and the show ends with him writing another letter to himself.

So like.

Where do I start? The weird infantilizing bullshit of a sad white boy receiving no consequences for his actions?

The fact that all of the work on “The Connor Project” is done by the show’s one (1) character who is regularly cast as a person of color, who receives no appreciation?

The fact that, oh yeah, it turns out that Connor was emotionally abusing his sister for years, to the point where she has a whole song about how she doesn’t know how to mourn for someone who has caused her so much pain. Evan, aware of this, uses his own ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR ZOE to come up with a lot of stuff to “prove” that Connor actually cared about her, making her believe that her dead brother who tormented her actually gave a shit, because it helped Evan get a girlfriend. This plot point literally FLABBERGASTS me because I never see anyone talk about it. Also I’m pretty sure the tie-in book tried to retcon this and make it an unreliable narrator thing and in general to make Connor more sympathetic by making him queer???, but it’s never addressed in the musical, so it’s not really possible to consider that canon.

Also Evan sings a song, allegedly from Connor’s perspective, about all the things he (a character who is romantically interested in her) thinks about her....using her dead brother as a mouthpiece???

The fact that Broadway started a whole #youwillbefound movement. That’s right. They started a suicide awareness campaign based off of a COMPLETELY CANONICALLY FAKE CAMPAIGN and people took it seriously, like people who sing The Last Five Years at their weddingsxhhkkgukj

Uhh the fact that the fandom woobifies both Evan and Connor and SHIPS THEM together even though they do not know each other, which is literally the point of the story 🤪🤪🤪

I could go on but damn I’m pissing myself off.

WAIT I forgot to add that @wolfsbaneblooming said she thought the movie trailer was an SNL sketch and she’s RIGHT

Uhh tagging @theclichefortunecookie because I promised an infodump

#long post cw #suicide cw #gaslighting cw #everything cw

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kachinnate · 4 years

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are you still doing the setting/trope/sentence prompt game? if so, i'd like to request 1 + O + 30 (preferably kept platonic) if you wanted to, but no pressure either way! i hope your anxiety has/can subside <3

send me prompts!

1 (near death experience) + o (misunderstanding) + (“No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care.”)

“If you’re driving, we could always have this conversation some other time.”

“The reason we’re having this conversation while I’m driving is because my mom’s home and she doesn’t need to hear any of this,” Jared’s voice comes from the other line, sharp.

Evan has since put his phone on speaker and is laying on his bed, his phone on his nightstand. Partially because it makes him slightly less anxious to be on the phone if it isn’t in his hand, and partially because he’s fucking exhausted.

Like, in the sense that he wants to sleep, obviously, but also just. In general. With everything.

It’s been a week since everything with the Murphy’s flickered out - or, well, more like burned up and burst in the inside of the bulb, sending shards of glass everywhere. It simultaneously feels like so long ago, yet like only yesterday everything was fine.

Or.. not fine. Better. Fine. He was okay.

Content within something that was bound to fall apart at any given second.

“Are you even fucking listening to me?”

“Yes, Jared,” Evan replies, putting stress on both of the words to hopefully convey his exasperation as best he could without Jared seeing his face. “Listen, I’m—”

“No, don’t tell me to listen when you clearly weren’t listening to me just now.”

“Dude,” Evan breathes, the just barely there laugh hysterical in the sense that he didn’t find it funny at all and was honestly ready to cry, actually. “You’re impossible, oh my god.”

“I’m impossible?”

“Yeah, you’re—”

“Are we just disregarding how you’ve been acting, oh, I dunnoooo..” Evan hears a quiet thump. He knows it’s Jared hitting a knuckle against the steering wheel in that way he did when he was talking and wanted to emphasize a point. “the past month?”

“No. That’s actually— that’s literally what we’re talking about, right now.”

“Do you remember how you asked for my help with the emails, and then The Connor Project, and then told me you didn’t need my help, then accused me of doing nothing—” Jared does the same thing, that same laugh that’s not a laugh. “And then had the fucking audacity to ask me to help you with more emails? All the while, like— not actually talking to me about anything else, like. Other than a best friend that doesn’t exist and a girlfriend that— honestly, I never said it, and maybe I should have, but wow you actually going through and dating Zoe? That’s all sorts of fucked, and you know it—”

“—If you’re not going to let me talk, then I don’t see why we’re doing this,” Evan snaps, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Oh, my apologies, be my guest. What say you?” Jared huffs back, sarcastic and aggressive, and Evan really just wants to hang up the phone. This isn’t productive at all.

“Like I said earlier,” Evan starts, and in the back of his mind he scoffs - as per my last email vibes, and then the irony of thinking of emails, of all things. Hah. “I’m sorry about everything with the project, with how I made you and Alana feel, how - how I was abusing your help, okay. You didn’t deserve to be dragged into this whole thing, to, to further this huge fucking mess that I got myself into.”

He takes a breath. “But everything that I - that I said that night? I don’t take any of that back, and I’m not going to, okay, because we’ve never been real friends, have we?” It hurts even himself to say it, but it’s true, is it not? “Your— ‘family friends’, right? For your car insurance? The most we’ve talked in, in forever has been throughout this whole thing. Am I supposed to be hurt by you threatening to tell everyone, and then calling me a shitty friend when you’ve - when you’ve never been too great of a friend to me, either?”

There’s silence for a while, nothing else other than Jared’s noisy radiator.

“If I— why would I have been helping you this whole time if I didn’t consider you my friend, jackass?—”

“Really helping your case, here,” Evan mumbles. He doesn’t know or care whether Jared heard it or not.

“—you really think that I’d endure all of your bullshit for this long if I didn’t care about you?”

“I don’t know!” Evan presses his palms into his eyes, gritting his teeth. “I don’t know, okay, but you sure as hell didn’t act like you cared about me—”

“—Was spending a stupid amount of time at your house all the time helping you write emails pretending to be your dead best friend not good enough for you?”

“You’re kidding me? Like, you’re joking, right?—”

“I - fuck, you know what, no—” Jared cuts himself off. Something about his breathing has.. changed, but Evan can’t pinpoint what. “This is pointless.”

“You’re just now figuring that out?”

“No, no, this is..” Jared ignores him in favor of whatever he’s trying to say. “Yeah, no Evan, you’re right, maybe it was my fault for thinking that you might care— or might’ve, I mean. About me. At all.”

“Jared, stop trying to pin this on just me—!”

“Open your fucking EYES, dude! I’ve been here the entire goddamn time!”

Something about how he says that has Evan blinking several times, stunned into silence.

The radiator hums. It sounds so much louder than it had before.

“I’m shit at showing - showing you that, like, I give a shit, I guess, you’re right about that but you’ve..” Something is different in his voice. Evan can’t pinpoint what that is, either. “This whole time, you’ve just— dragged me along, because I’m the only one who was around, right? Like, I was the first one you came to when Connor fucking— when he took your letter, and then when you started getting entangled into shit, and I thought that maybe you were coming to me because you trusted me or some shit, but no. It’s because I was the only one around, right?”

..and the thing was, Jared wasn’t wrong.

By technicality, those words were true, but the sudden heaviness in Evan’s chest at least makes him want to believe that he’d never meant it like that.

He never meant for any of this to happen, to hurt anyone. And yet..

“Jared,” he manages, the edge in his voice gone all at once. How the fuck was he supposed to follow up to that? “I’m.. that’s not—”

There’s a sudden shrill, awful sound of metal on metal from Jared’s line. Lots of banging and clashing and— Evan doesn’t really know, it’s just loud, and amidst it he swears he hears Jared go ‘shit!—’ but can’t be sure. Wheels screeching. It makes Evan flinch and then suddenly he’s sitting up, looking towards the phone on his nightstand.

Several car honks. Jared makes a choked noise, Evan thinks.

“J-Jared..? Hey, what’s—?!”

The line goes dead.

#tw car accident #ask to tag #evan hansen #jared kleinman #deh #dear evan hansen #i write things #Anonymous #also thank u for ur tags ;w;#ily

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antpelts · 4 years

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13 from general, kleinsen or conman/kleinphy that’s up to you. with Jared being autistic / adhd/ hypo- /hypersensitive / SPD something in that area?

prompts list

13. “for starters, that’s impossible.”

okay ive never read/written kleinphy but.. after the novel connor grew on me so here we go folks. also.. yes,, i have many autistic/adhd headcanons for characters,,

“For starters,” Jared’s voice was slightly muffled as he kept his head down, fingers picking at the keys on his laptop’s keyboard, “that’s literally impossible.”

“You’re literally impossible,” Connor shot back, tone flat.

The Fourth of July sucked. Being home from college sucked. Summer classes sucked. Hence why he had cleared off Connor’s desk and set up his own laptop. The Murphys were content to give them space (glad that Connor had a ‘friend’ over) while Jared’s parents didn’t know the definition of privacy.

“You’re a dick,” Jared mumbled, leaning his head down until his forehead rested on the desk. Another pop of a firework sounded and he grit his teeth. “I need to finish this.”

Raising a hand he blindly gestured towards his laptop. A word document was open and when Connor slid off his bed and moved close enough he could see the ‘Last edit was 1 hour ago’ at the top of the screen.

“Well I think that’s going to be literally impossible.”

Jared raised one hand, sticking his middle finger up. Another firework went off and he squeezed his hand back into a fist, drawing it in close to himself. Lifting his head he knocked his glasses off, letting them clatter onto the desk. Even that noise was too much - his skin felt hot, his breathing felt short. It was.. utterly embarrassing. He knew he should’ve just stayed home, but Connor had invited him and he was still trying to pretend that didn’t make his heart beat a little faster. The only person who saw him like this usually was Evan, and that wasn’t even by choice. It was more a product of their closeness, something that Evan had just learned how to handle over the course of plenty of years.

With Connor this was new. And mortifying.

Their.. relationship was odd. They tiptoed around labels and kissed in the dark laying on Connor’s bed. Sometimes when they were up until 3 am they’d talk about the darker things, letting each other in just a little. Sometimes Jared would drive them to get McFlurrys at random and they’d hold hands across the center console. But this was almost too open, this wasn’t them choosing to open up in a nice, quiet space. This was Jared having an episode in front of his maybe boyfriend against his will, he felt utterly hopeless.

“Just fuck off,” it was muffled as Jared shoved his face into his hands, applying as much pressure as he could.

The sound of Connor picking up his glasses and folding the arms in was even too much and he huffed out a ragged breath. This time when they were placed back on the desk it didn’t sound as abrasive and that was welcomed, at least. He was hyper aware as he heard his laptop shutting, though the noise was soft and deliberate.

After some rustling Jared felt some fabric being pressed against the back of his hands. Slowly lifting his head he saw a hoodie being held right in front of his face. Connor was leaning on his desk, one hand tucked in a pocket as he pointedly kept his gaze to the other side of the room. There was a moment of deliberation before Jared grabbed onto the hoodie and struggled to pull it over his head. He was thankful for the fact that Connor blasted his fan, even with the air conditioning, otherwise he probably would’ve felt like he as suffocating. The hoodie swamped him, of course it did, he wasn’t even that small.

“Better?”

Jared tugged the hood over his head, pulling on the hoodie strings. It didn’t muffle the sounds much but it gave him a sense of security. Without a second thought he pulled one of the strings up to his mouth, biting down on it hard. It was probably something he’d be thoroughly embarrassed about later (Connor gave up his hoodie and he immediately fucked up the strings) but the pressure of biting down was too grounding for him to stop.

Another pop had Jared going rigid again, clenching his fists.

“Talk to me, asshole,” Connor’s voice was low and steady and he knocked his foot against the chair Jared was in.

“Fuck off,” it was strained, spoken with a clenched jaw. If he weren’t currently breaking down he might’ve mad a quip about the sight in front of him that he’d caught a glimpse of: Connor’s hair pulled back into a messy bun because the back of his neck was sweaty, arms bare of his hoodie but covered in assorted bracelets in various states of being worn down, something unfamiliar and soft settled on his face. Or.. maybe instead of joking about it he’d be caught up in the intimacy of the fact the Connor was willing to exist like this in front of him.

“Talk to me,” there was something steady and stern there which, oddly, was grounding enough that Jared managed to stiffly stick out his arms. Connor seemed to get the message, leaning down to wrap his arms around Jared’s middle, loose and hesitant.

“Pressure,” Jared mumbled, still biting down hard on the hoodie string. He moved his arms up around Connor’s shoulders, squeezing tight. After a second he felt the arms around his middle tighten, almost uncomfortably so. Pressing his face harshly against Connor’s shoulder he squeezed his eyes shut tightly, finally feeling his heart rate slow down.

Maybe they’d talk about it later. Maybe they wouldn’t. Maybe they’d just kiss some.

Jared was fine with that.

#Anonymous #deh #kleinphy #fic #moss.txt

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whispersforthevoid · 5 years

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Unavoidable

Pairing: Connor x reader

Word Count: 2.9k

Summary: Connor has been avoiding you since he deviated and you don’t know why (plot-twist: he likes you). Mutual pining, angsty with a bit of sexy and a fluffy end.

Warnings: suggestive themes, dirty talk (Connor is kinky y’all), Gavin tries to flirt with you, (let me know if you think I missed something!)

---

Connor had been avoiding you ever since he came back from Jericho a deviant.

You had been his closest friend - alongside Hank- and watched him soften and grow into more than ‘the android sent by Cyberlife’.

What had you done wrong? Connor was still following Hank around like a puppy, but he wouldn’t even look at you. That just burned all the more and carved out an uncomfortable emptiness in your chest with each missed glance, every sidestep, every elevator he avoided because you were waiting inside - it was killing you. He stayed away from your entire side of the office as though you might give him a virus just by proximity.

The best part of working at DPD was steadily becoming the worst.

You were used to Connor avoiding an agitated Gavin, all of them did, but now you were on par with that? You watched Connor at his desk from the doorway as you slumped against it, knowing the moment you walked in he would coincidentally have some made-up meeting to attend.

What had you done to him? You had hoped that he was warming up to you, that you could have been real friends. Now you felt it was just your imagination. Connor was still as monotonous and unfeeling as you remembered him being - an inhuman machine. For some reason that revelation disappointed you immensely, leaving you cold and lonely.

“Y/N,” Reed appeared behind you, and you jumped. You had been buried so deep in the turmoil of Connor that you hadn’t heard him approach. You glared up into his grinning face. “You wanna get a drink tonight?”

“You know full well I don’t drink during the work week, Gavin.” You folded your arms across your chest and backed into the cold metal of the doorway as Gavin tried on his poor attempt at flirting.

“Doesn’t have to be alcohol.” He shrugged. “I just think we should get to know each other a little better.”

“Why?” You tried not to sound rude. It was hard not to detest someone so violently anti-android, even if he had only ever been nice to you.

Gavin smirked, confidence that didn’t add up coating his voice when he spoke, “You’re the office babe with a heart of gold. What’s not to want?”

Oh, fuck. Had you traded attention from Connor for attention from the office asshole? What curse had the universe placed on you?

“That’s sweet, but I’m not really feeling up to it.” You gave Gavin a kind smile, voice firm.

“What’s got ya sad?” He seemed genuinely concerned, reaching out to give your shoulder a cautious squeeze. Gavin frowned as he watched you sigh. “If you’re pining over some dude, he’s the wrong one. No one in their right mind wouldn’t want you.”

Even though it was passed off with that usual Gavin bullshit, his compliment was genuine and appreciated. If Connor wasn’t interested, maybe he could be a good distraction after all. “Thanks, Gav.”

“She was poetry, but he couldn’t read.” Gavin quoted. His body tensed a little, realising you were looking him over. He was trying to impress you.

You grinned. “His name was Jared, and he was nineteen.”

“Was that- Was that a vine reference? Aren’t those ancient?”

When he was the first thing you thought of when you woke up the next morning, you decided to take a more direct approach. Connor seemed sad in his reclusion, if that were even possible (which you very much believed it was), and that was far worse than your own loneliness.

So you sat on the edge of his desk, determined to be unavoidable. Your smile was wide when he stalked over to you, matching your bright intensity with a dark frown. Gruffly, he asked, “Can I help you, detective?”

“Just wanted to have a chat.”

He grimaced down at you, and for a moment your confidence wavered. Would Connor tell you to get lost? Jump off a pier? He didn’t care and you were an annoyance his life would be better without?

But no. He sighed - humanity really had worked its way into his circuits - and gestured down the hallway. “I believe room forty-nine is available.”

“Connor,” You began, awkwardly looking over the various knives and batons lining the walls. The weapons locker? Did he want to kill you? “Have I done something to upset you?”

He didn’t react, but you saw his LED flicker yellow for a moment. “Why would you think that, detective?”

“Well, for a start, you stopped calling me by my name. You haven’t called me ‘detective’ since our first week.” But you pushed on quickly. You didn’t want him to get hung up dismissing details with that annoyingly adorable sensible logic he could pull out of thin air. “I miss you. Did something happen? At Jericho?”

You could feel him watching you, like a phantom touch on your skin; but now you were too scared to look up. You didn’t want to see the coldness in those usually warm eyes. You had spent enough time wishing he would just look at you and now it had you crumbling.

“I deviated.” Was his voice softer, or was it just your wistful imagination again? “I believe Hank told-”

“Yes, Connor, Hank told me. Are you… okay?” You snuck a look at him in the reflection of the glass cabinets. He was looking at something with an intensity you had never seen before, as if he were an artist desperately trying to understand the majesty of a fellow’s work and just couldn’t quite grasp it.

But Connor wasn’t looking at art, no, there weren’t any sculptures or the Mona Lisa or Starry Night in the DPD weapons locker.

He was looking at your ass.

You could feel the heat blooming on your cheeks, but a wave of confidence washed over you. Maybe you did know what was going on, after all. “Connor?”

“Mmh?” He hadn’t noticed that you had caught him yet, still too engrossed.

“Are you angry with me?” You asked softly.

He finally looked up, and you glanced over your shoulder at him with a nervous smile. Connor didn’t avert his eyes, instead striding forwards as you spun around to face him.

His expression was guarded but his eyes! Finally, they were warm and full of that spark you had fallen in love with.

A cold jolt went straight to your stomach. That was something to ponder later, ‘love’.

Connor said, “No, I am not angry with you, Y/N.”

Did Cyberlife know what they were doing when they gave him that voice? “Then why won’t you work with me?”

He shook his head, trailing his gaze slowly from your eyes down to your shoes. His hands twitched at his sides, idle but wanting. Was he… scanning you?

“Your heart rate has increased, your pupils are dilated. You’re breathing harder, Y/N, and the capillaries in your face… You’re blushing.” Connor sounded surprised. He was close enough now that you had to press against the cases not to touch him.

But you wanted to, oh gosh, you really wanted to touch that perfect plastic man with his kind heart of biocomponents. You wanted to mess up that impeccable brown hair, wanted to know if it was as soft as you always daydreamed it would be. How this was only just hitting you now was beyond you.

The tension between you was thick enough to cut with a knife, and the electricity in the air would surely knock out the lights before the conversation was over.

“If I haven’t done anything, then why are you avoiding me, Connor?” Your words were tender and almost teasing, but that didn't make them any less sincere.

“Are you romantically interested in me, Y/N?” He avoided the question. His lips were mere inches away from your own as he spoke lowly, chocolate brown darkening to obsidian - whether it was the shadows or something else, you weren’t sure. You just knew it made your joints ache wonderfully. “Do you want me, too?”

You stood up a little straighter and Connor stooped until your noses were almost touching and your clothes brushed together, and you licked your lips knowing he was watching every move with exquisite attention to detail.

"Oh, you’re a good detective, Connor. I think you already know the answer to that." Even in heels, you had to stand on tiptoes to finally press your lips against his.

That was the permission Connor had been waiting for. Hands found your waist, sneaking under your jacket to feel what he was after. He pulled you roughly against him with his hidden strength, arching around you like a protective cloak. As he enveloped you, all you could do was grin against his warm mouth.

The kiss was sweet, if not a little hurried, as Connor tangled his fingers in your hair to angle your head so he could deepen the kiss and push his tongue past pliant lips. He tasted as ‘real’ as he felt, and while he clearly didn’t really know what he was doing his instincts had your head reeling as he anticipated every move of your tongue against his.

Through it all, you happily realised that he couldn’t get enough of you, as if a dam had broken and Connor’s torrent of repressed longing was washing over you all at once and dismantling the loneliness and rejection you had felt.

You couldn’t keep up with his hungry pace and it was getting hard to breathe as he smothered you against the cases. Everything was Connor, everything you could feel, taste, smell; it was all him, him, him. The gasps and moans he pulled from you with that kiss alone were a little mortifying but you couldn’t give less of a fuck when it felt so impossibly right.

But it was too much, and with the most painful self-control, you gently broke the kiss. Your hands rested atop his broad shoulders, squeezing them gently as you kept yourself close so you were flush against his body.

He was breathing heavily, his cooling systems whirring quietly inside his chest as he gazed down at you as if you were the Eighth Wonder of the World. You were sure he would see the same in your eyes as you stared back, trembling in his arms.

"Does it always feel like this?” Connor asked in a husky voice, tilting his head to press his forehead to yours. He held you so tightly - like you might slip through his hands like sand in an hourglass. “Do humans always feel this much?”

"I don’t know, Connor," You blushed, words mumbled. “I haven’t felt this with anyone else.”

He gave a crooked grin and leant in again to continue the kiss- but a finger on his lips stopped him.

“Connor, why did you stop avoiding me this morning? You usually run away.”

“I, uh, couldn’t resist.” Connor’s cheek flushed the lightest blue, and he was uncomfortably human. “You don’t often dress like this.”

You glanced down. Yeah, you did look pretty good in a tight pencil skirt, and it had probably been a subconscious choice to get attention. Innocently, you looked back up into his eyes, fluttering your eyelashes. You knew what worked, apparently even on androids.

“Do you want me to dress like this for you tomorrow?” Your words were sugary sweet.

“You do not work on Sundays, Y/N,” Connor said with a frowned, truly upset. “I would not see.”

“Why wouldn’t you see, Connor? I can hardly let you fuck me at work.” You sounded so genuine and blasé it took Connor a full moment to realise what you were saying. His LED cycled red and his fingers dug into your waist. There would be bruises. “And that’s how you felt when you saw me sitting on your desk today, wasn’t it?”

“Yes.” He pushed his hips against your stomach so you would feel him. He wanted you to know, even though he wasn’t entirely sure why or what it was. He gave a soft groan as you licked your lips. “I am not programmed for this. I am not meant to feel... lust. But when I saw you, waiting for me, I... I just...”

“Go on, Connor. You can tell me.” You spoke through a sultry pout, but your practised flirting made it seem as though this was all coincidence and Connor was just reacting intensely. The hard bulge rutting against you satisfied a few questions you had and raised even more. Your voice was soft enough to give him the control despite giving introductions, “Tell me how you felt, how you feel.”

“I wanted to make you mine,” He whispered shamefully, swallowing unnecessarily. His eyes were wider, looking down at you like he couldn’t believe you were there. “I wanted to fuck you. I needed to. I need to now.”

“Yes, Connor?” You egged him on, sliding a hand tantalisingly slowly up his chest, fingertips dipping under his blazer.

Connor gasped, blinking and shivering. It was like being touched for the first time.

“I want to know how you feel- on the outside and the inside. I cannot stop thinking about how warm you would be, how tight and wet... and for me... you’d scream my name, Y/N, I’d make you.” He was blatantly humping your hip now, quickly descending into a mess while you watched through half-closed eyes. Your lips grazed together, his voice raspy in a way you would never have anticipated as he moaned, “I’ll be gentle and loving but then I’ll fuck you rough and hard like you want. Like I want. I want you to be my little slut.”

Where had Connor learnt about sex? He had said before, on a long stakeout with Reed and Hank, that he had never had a sexual experience. Which was why you had not expected it to escalate so far, and never in a million years would you have thought Connor would dive so quickly into dirty talk. He had you dripping.

With a demure shiver, you gently pushed him back again. Fear and worry immediately cleared some of the lust clouding Connor’s eyes.

“I am sorry, Y/N, I should not have said those things, I should not have called you such a derogatory term. I am very sor-“ You kissed him, swallowing his hasty apologies. It was a very slow and languid kiss, stealing you both into a serene moment. Was there really a rest of the world, or had it always just been you two together in a slice of quiet paradise?

“No, Connor. I want to be your slut.” You whispered.

“Oh, fuck.” He groaned quietly. His LED flashed red and yellow.

“But anyone could walk in here! It’s a miracle we haven’t been caught yet.”

“But tomorrow,” One of Connor’s hands tentatively slid down to slap your ass and he grabbed a handful. You kissed his cheek as he stifled another moan. Love was definitely more fun when it was requited. “Tomorrow you’re all mine.”

“All yours, Connor. To play with as you please.” You smiled again, with an innocence that should have been his. Your eyes twinkled. “You’ll make me feel so good, I know you will.”

“You must know two other things.” Connor looked pained and you were suddenly worried. Perhaps he wasn’t as kinky as you had assumed?

“Firstly, it is taking all the control my program can muster not to bend you over my desk in front of all our colleagues and fuck you till I fill you up enough that they know who you belong to,” No, definitely very kinky. Who knew, androids be wild. “So you know who you belong to.”

“And secondly,” His face softened and the hand not grasping your ass gently cupped your face. He stroked a thumb across your swollen lips with a warm smile that could melt butter. “I want you and only you. Please return the sentiments and do not share yourself.”

“No one else could compare, Connor.” You kissed his thumb. “I’m not interested in anyone else.”

“I want to assure you, my interest in you is not only physical, Y/N,” His gaze was the gentlest you had ever seen, brown eyes begging you to understand words he seemed unable to find. “I admire you greatly as a colleague and as a friend. You are the kindest person I have ever encountered.”

Oh, gosh, you were going to cry. The tears were welling, threatening to spill over. It had been such a solemn few months without him, you didn’t realise how much you had truly missed him until you had him back now. He was the sun that kept your life growing and full.

“I want you as more than a sexual means to an end, Y/N. When I deviated the first thing I felt was,” He swallowed hard, as if the memory was painful. “I felt love. For you. I was… concerned. That this would be too much, that you- that you wouldn’t want me, too.”

“Oh, Connor,” You cupped his blushing face in your hands, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips as the tears finally fell. “You’ll never be too much. Whatever this is between us, Connor, it’s unavoidable.”

---

AN: okay if that was too kinky y’all gotta let me know so I can dial it back lol. But, um!! Thanks for the support on Quietly Devoured, guys <3 It means the world to me! My inbox and askes are officially open for any DBH requests you might have. I’ll put some more r!Connor x reader out soon, but how do people feel about RK900? or any of the others? Do you prefer tame or sexy pieces? Let me know!

Also! Let me know if and what you want to be tagged in for next time I post!

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collecting-stories · 5 years

Text

Treacherous - Connor Murphy

A/N: More Connor Murphy. That’s it, that’s the author’s note.

I can’t decide if it’s a choice, getting swept away. I hear the sound of my own voice, asking you to stay. - Treacherous, Taylor Swift

\\\

Connor sat at the computer in lab, leaning back against the chair and staring at the application page for the local community college. He was trying to turn things around but it was a slower process than he would’ve liked it to be. The hardest part was bringing up his grades. Evan had offered to tutor him but there was no way Connor could endure hours listening to Evan stutter through explanations of things he already didn’t care about. Besides, wherever Evan went Jared seemed to appear as well and he was definitely not spending any more time than humanly necessary with Jared.

“Hey Wednesday Addams,” speak of the devil, Jared Kleinman leaned over the divider that separated Connor’s computer station. He was quick to click out of his browser, “trying to catch some porn on school time?”

“Jared,” Evan piped up, his mouth twitching nervously as he stood behind his friend.

“What do you want Kleinman?” Connor asked, fisting the hand in his lap, nails digging into his palm. Keep your cool, he silently reminded himself.

Though none of them saw it, you turned away from your computer, just in front of Connor’s cubicle to see what the commotion was. You had heard the scrapping chair, the dropped bag and the soft curse when Connor couldn’t get into the computer right away. You had silently cursed yourself, suddenly nervous that the guy you’d been crushing on for forever was sitting behind you. Not that he even realized it, but still, the nerves were there.

“Nothing, nothing, just wanted to know if you were gonna be sacrificing any babies in the woods tonight, ya know, it’s your holiday.” Jared joked, though no one laughed aside from himself.

“Shut the fuck up Jared,” Connor bit out.

You hear the chair legs scrape against the linoleum floor and you see him stand up. His jaw is tense and he looks ready to punch something. You’d seen him punch plenty before, a locker, numerous people, a computer, hell you’d been there in elementary school when he threw that printer at the teacher. But you were still somehow attracted to this guy. Maybe because he’d always been nice to you.

“Jared,” Evan tried again, tugging at his own shirt as he took a step back.

Kleinman continued to ignore Evan’s warning. A few other students were looking on now. “Chill out man, I’m just joking.” Those three words must have been highlighted in Jared’s dictionary because every time he said something rude he followed it with ‘just joking’ or ‘just kidding’ as if that made it all better.

“Yeah, you’re real fucking funny man. I’m howling.” Connor snapped.

“Hey, guys come on, lets just...uh, lets just, go Jared, okay. Let’s just go.” Evan attempted again, the higher pitch in his voice hinting at his obvious nerves.

“Why, what’s gonna happen?” Jared goded, “Murphy’s not gonna loose his cool is he?”

You jumped when Connor’s fist slammed against the keyboard of the computer. He grabbed his messenger bag off the floor and shoved passed Jared, his long legs taking him out of the computer lab. You scraped your own chair back, shouldering your backpack and deciding in that moment that you were going to do the thing you’d always wanted to do before, see if Connor was alright.

Evan shot you an apologetic look when you passed them and you just offered him a sympathetic smile. You knew that whatever dumbass thing Jared had said was in no way a reflection of Evan, he was a nice kid and you got along well enough. Evan wasn’t who you were thinking about right now though, the only person on your mind was Connor. By the time you got out of the computer lab you could the flap of Connor’s black denim shirt around the corner, in the direction of the art room. There was a set of double doors that led out to the bleachers and you figured that was probably where he would go.

You cut through the girl’s locker room, hoping your theory on Connor’s whereabouts was right as you slipped out the back door and headed across the parking lot to the bleachers. Once you were down the hill you found him easily, the only person on the field this late in the school day, he was on the steps that led to the first level of the bleachers, smoking what you assumed was a joint. You’d heard all about Connor’s exploits as the school stoner, as if no one else in the whole school every smoked.

“Hey,” you approached cautiously, like someone might a wild animal they were afraid would attack them. And you weren’t, of course, you were just nervous that he was still upset and that he wouldn’t want anything to do with you.

Connor looked up at you briefly and then went right back to smoking, eyes downcast.

“I’m sorry, about Jared, he’s a real dick sometimes.” You said, unsure what else to say.

“You friends with him?”

You shake your head, you definitely weren’t friends with Jared.

“Then it doesn’t matter.” He replied.

“I heard you were uh,” you scuffed your shoe further into the dirt, “I heard you were looking for a tutor. Evan, um, mentioned it.”

“So?”

“Well I just, figured, I could help.” You were doing pretty good in your classes. Good enough that you could offer your help reliably.

“Why?” He looked back up at you again and you were struck with the same thought you always got. How undeniably lovely he was to look at. There was something about Connor that was just calming which might’ve been ironic considering how tormented he always seemed to be.

“Something to do in my free time?” You shrugged. You obviously couldn’t say it was because you wanted to spend more time with him and you definitely couldn’t tell him that you had been harboring a massive crush on him since third grade when he used to walk behind you in line and talk to you.

“I don’t need your pity.”

“It’s not pity, I want to help.”

“Why?”

You shrugged again, “I just want to help.” Because he always seemed like a nice person, beneath everything else. “I was having trouble freshman year, I know how hard it is to catch up.”

“Yeah,” Connor nodded, “fine.”

The first time you tutored Connor was at a Starbucks that was an equal distance between your houses. He showed up in the same black hoodie he always wore with fitted gray sweatpants and a white shirt, a brighter outfit than you’d ever seen him in before. His hair was pulled back and you couldn’t help thinking it was your lucky day because as good as Connor Murphy looked with his hair down he looked even better with his hair out of his face, if only because you could see it.

“Hey,” he nodded and slid into the booth across from you. He eyed the coffee you had sitting amongst your books and he frowned, “none for me?”

“Oh, sorry, I wasn’t sure what you would want so-”

“Yeah, yeah I see how it is,” he replied, grin on his face, “guess I’ll get my own.”

You laughed as you watched him get up and mutter a ‘people these days’ just loud enough for you to hear. When you looked over at the counter, he was watching you, a smile on his face that made him seem a lot less scary than people made him out to be. He winked at you as the barista made his drink and you turned back to your books to hide your smile.

Connor was impossible to study with. He was easily distracted and he got antsy sitting for any length of time. His comprehension was alright and he was smart, that you could tell immediately. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand what he was learning it was just that he couldn’t stay still long enough to learn it.

“We’ll be here all day if you don’t pay attention.” You pointed out, leaning forward and tapping the textbook that lay ignored in front of Connor. He was busy doodling pictures in the margins of his notebook, notes half written.

“Sorry, it’s just,” he looked over the government textbook sitting there waiting for him, “a lot.”

“Well-”

“Let’s go for a walk or something?” He asked.

Tempting, you thought. You wouldn’t mind clearing up all these books and walking somewhere with Connor. Getting to talk to him about something other than English analysis or political theory would be nice. You wondered what you would talk about. Just more school or something more? Home life? Hobbies? Likes and dislikes? “Connor, we have to get through this. We’re almost done.” Ten more problems and he was free to go home.

He chewed on his bottom lip, thinking. He was distracted but not as much as you thought he was. It wasn’t impossible for him to sit there and read he just didn’t want to. Besides, he knew the faster he finished the quicker you would leave and then this perfect afternoon at the Starbucks would be ruined. He couldn’t watch the way you pulled the neckline of your sweatshirt over your nose when it got too cold or how you sniffed your coffee each time before you took a sip, as if the smell was just as important as the taste. He couldn’t hear the sound you made when your americano was just a little too warm and burned your tongue or listen to the explanation you had on the perfect temperature for coffee. He’d sat there distracted by you all afternoon and now that there were only ten problems left all he could think about was this being over and him having to go home.

“Just a short break, a change of scenery?” He offered.

“What did you want to change the scenery to?” You asked.

He smiled as you closed your notebook. He was winning. “The park? Or we could just take a drive? I drove my mom’s car here.”

“Okay. I’ll quiz you while we drive?” You offered, packing the rest of your books. You were 99% sure you would do whatever he asked you to.

Connor was a much better driver than you thought he would be. He didn’t speed, he wasn’t careless, he liked to drive with the windows down and take backroads and he kept his eyes forward, trained on the road the whole time. In truth he was more nervous than he thought he would be. He figured driving was a good idea but then he was terrified he’d get distracted. He could see the headline play out ‘local boy drives girl off road after being distracted staring at her’. A little long maybe but appropriate.

“Okay, explain with rationale what political theory makes the most sense for global affairs today?” You asked, notebook open in your lap.

“I thought this was a quiz?”

“It is!”

“That’s like a full blown essay question.” Connor reached for your notebook and you grabbed it back, holding it away from him.

“Eyes on the road mister.” You laughed, “and answer the question.”

Connor pouted, deep in thought as he rolled to a stop at the light. “I don’t know, realism?”

“I need an explanation not just...I don’t know, realism.”

“Haven’t I done enough?” He asked, glancing over at you before the light changed. He wondered how aware you were of how attractive you were.

“Go,” you nodded toward the road and he began driving once more.

“Why’d you offer to help me?”

“I told you, cause I wanted to.” You shrugged.

“How’d you know I needed a tutor?”

“We’re in the same classes and I get very nosey about everyone else’s grades. Besides you sit in front of me so I always see your tests and stuff over your shoulder. That and Evan mentioned it.” You shrugged.

“And you just wanted to bring up the learning curve in our senior class?”

“Oh god no, you know how many people I’d have to tutor?” You laughed.

“So why me?” He asked, frowning, “you just feel bad for the weird freak kid? Figured you could get in some community service?”

“Connor,” you said, your voice sounding...not sympathetic but soft, fond even, “I wanted to tutor you cause I wanted to spend time with you.”

“Don’t fuck with me.”

“I’m not. I like you a lot Connor.” You admitted.

The car pulled off onto the side of the road and Connor put it in park, turning to you. He looked at you seriously, staring at you as he tried to decide if what you were saying was true. Were you actually not lying to him, did you like him? You were smiling like you meant it.

“Yeah?” he chanced, “you aren’t fucking with me?”

“No.” You shook your head.

Connor leaned forward toward you, his hand holding the shoulder of your seat. He crowded into your space and you watched as the sweetest of smiles spread across his face.

More Connor.

#Connor Murphy imagine #Connor Murphy fanfiction #Connor Murphy x reader #Connor Murphy fanfic #deh fanfiction #deh imagine #deh fanfic #deh au #dear Evan hansen imagine #dear Evan hansen au #dear Evan hansen fanfiction #dear Evan hansen fanfic #cs discography series #collecting stories imagine

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cravingcrazewriting · 4 years

Text

Older And Wiser (but not really)

Trigger Warning- VERY small mention of desire to end one's own life. Plus transgender Evan because I love him

Thanksgiving was always a roll of the dice for Evan.

Some Thanksgivings he got to spend with his mom. Others he spent with Jared and his family. When they were both gone, Heidi would celebrate the next day when she was off.

Ironically though, both of these situations were going underway, leaving Evan alone for Thanksgiving. Although it hurt to be alone, he knew it wasn't really anyone's fault. Thanksgiving was a time for family and friends, so naturally people had to leave to go see other relatives out of state (Alana was going with her dad's to visit her grandparents, if he wasn't mistaken).

The only person that was still around was Connor, who's family hosted hosted a big Thanksgiving meal. Evan thought it was sweet since it was usually just him and his mom. It wasn't that they didn't have any family, but rather working as a nurse and the unforeseeable weather that almost always brought about a snow storm, so it was nearly impossible to see relatives until Hanukkah.

Evan pulled out an box that had differently colored leafs scattered across the wrapping he had dressed around it. He decided against putting a bow on it and went to set it out on the table. It was a gift for Connor, for a Thanksgiving gift exchange. It was something he and Heidi always did, so Evan decided to let Connor join in on the fun.

He'd saved some money from doing work with the neighbors, part of it for his top surgery, and the other half for holiday shopping. The tasks they asked were simple, such as vacuuming, dusting, or cleaning (in the fall, he mowed lawns).

He'd already had made a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch, since pretty much everything was closed for the holiday, he couldn't order out. Currently his binder was off and in his room, as he'd already worn it for eight hours, and needed to remove it. It was god awful, but wearing it for too long could fracture his ribs, and he did not want to be responsible for a hospital bill. Still, an oversized shirt he stole from Connor helped out a little bit with how unsettled he felt.

He gently set the box down on the dining table, and went to make a box of Mac and Cheese, as he was okay with spoiling himself just a little bit for the holiday. While he was filling up a pot with water, his phone vibrated. Evan pulled out his phone to read it.

Connor <3: Dinner just finished up. Can I go to your place? Don't think I can stay another minute at home

Evan: Sure! We can share Mac and Cheese!

Although he was trying to hold back enthusiasm, he was really happy that Connor was coming. He'd spent a lot of lonely days with Connor either cuddling, talking, making jokes, watching random shit on Netflix, or a mix of all of that (with a fair share of kisses, as well).

Evan made sure to keep an eye on the time as the water boiled, practically checking his phone almost every thirty seconds, not wanting to keep Connor waiting outside very long.

Ultimately the doorbell rang later, which made Evan practically run to the door and swung it open from being in a rush. It could've been worse. At least he didn't accidentally dent the wall.

Outside, Connor was holding an envelope and a box wrapped in plain orange wrapping paper. Underneath was some food in long, plastic and portable boxes, with a bottle that looked like alcohol. He was wearing his jacket and trench coat, ripped jeans, and black thin looking gloves. He was smiling at how fast Evan answered the door.

"Please tell me you— you didn't bring alcohol," Evan held the door open, watching Connor step inside and set his things down on the coffee table.

"You have no faith in me?" He asked innocently, picking up what revealed to be sparkling grape juice.

Evan snorted, "Okay, faith restored. Er, did you want me to... t-take your coat?"

Connor shrugged off the trench coat with ease. "Nah, you're just gonna steal it later," he teased him, before looking at the kitchen. "Besides, I know where to put it. It looks like you've got something cooking."

"I need to stir my Mac and Cheese!" Evan fretted, running into the kitchen, leaving behind a laughing Connor.

He gave the pot a quirk stir, watching a few remains of butter slip around inside. He set the wooden spoon down, and felt a pair of arms wrap around his upper chest and a chin rest itself on his head.

"Um. Can you m-move your arms?" Evan grabbed his forearms gently, and pulled them down.

"Hmm? Oh yeah, sorry," Connor realized his binder was off in that moment, so he slid his arms down to his waist to hold him there loosely and gently. He dropped his head to Evan's shoulder. "That looks good."

"It's just cheese and noodles," Evan giggled, rolling his eyes.

"They're good cheesy noodles," he muttered begrudgingly, nestling his face into the crook of Evan's neck.

The two stayed like that, happily finishing up the Mac and Cheese, before putting them into bowls, and piled onto the couch to eat. Evan had to resist the urge to climb onto Connor's lap, tackle him on the couch, or anything because they were just starting to eat, and he had to have a little self control. So, he settled Connor's legs on his lap as they began to talk about everything and nothing.

"My big shot cousin was there, making a big deal about his business, and how much money he was making, which lead to the 'You see Connor, you can be like your cousin Jack over there' talk with Larry. He isn't thrilled about the fact I'm getting a tattoo," Connor explained in between bites.

Evan was eating a little slow, as he didn't want to eat too fast. "Um— what tattoo did you w-wanna get?"

"A semi colon on my wrist," Connor gestured to his right wrist. "It means that at one point I wanted to end my life, but I kept going."

Evan couldn't help but smile. "You're so strong."

"You are too," Connor punched his arm lightly, in a playful manner. "You've been on testosterone for like— a year now, you're binding, hell, it must've been hard coming out to your mom."

He laughed lightly. "Well, I'd ask to go to the men's clothing in the mall, and if she'd ask why, I'd just say 'oh, their jeans actually have pockets'. Then she'd laugh and let me go, but I think she saw through that."

Connor snorted, "I think I love you even more just from that. Anyways, you want some turkey sandwiches? I brought like, four."

"Um, yes, because it wouldn't be Thanksgiving without a turkey," he grinned, opening up the container and pulled one out.

Connor opened the sparkling grape juice, and poured it into the cups Evan had grabbed. "And pretending we can drink by using special cups and bottles."

Evan took his cup once he was done. "It makes me feel fancy," he said with a laugh, before taking a sip.

"When's your mom getting home?" Connor opened another container that contained biscuits and a few pieces of apple pie.

"Late tonight. We're celebrating tomorrow, didn't I tell you that?" Evan grabbed a biscuit.

"Well you did, and today I realized you were all by yourself. Didn't want to deal with my uptight relatives, and didn't want you being all lonely. It's a win-win," the latter shrugged. "Anyways, when'd you wanna open your present?"

"After we're done eating," Evan swallowed. "This stuff you brought is too good."

The two young boys continued to eat and chat away happy, and at one point, Evan had grabbed Connor's trench coat, and had it draped around his shoulders happy. Connor snuck a few photos of him with the oversized coat on as payback.

"Okay, open it," Evan set Connor's gift in his lap, excited for the other,

"I get to go first?" Connor began taking off the wrapping. "Isn't this your tradition? And your house?"

"Well you're the guest, so you go first," Evan responded, smiling.

With the wrapping off, Connor carefully undid the box lid and looked inside. Within the box was a purple beanie, a sketchbook, and some colored pencils.

"Ev... this is so sweet," Connor gushed, and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. "Thank you..." He was blushing slightly.

Evan was red from the small sign of affection. "Oh um, it wasn't a problem." He replied, watching as Connor set a box on his lap next.

Being very delicate, he removed the wrapping paper, and looked at what was inside. There was a dark green sweater, a scented candle that smelt like candy canes, and a rather adorable looking T-Rex plushie.

Evan set the box beside him, and was about to thank him, when Connor held his hand out, and handed him the envelope.

"Read it first," he'd said ever so softly.

Evan couldn't help but oblige, curious as to what it was Connor obviously wanted him to see. He peeled open the lid as neatly as he could (which wasn't that neat) and pulled out a card.

Connor had drawn a cartoon turkey on the front, with the words "Happy Turkey Day to not just my boyfriend, but to my best friend". When he opened to the inside, there was a small stack of money and a large margin on the left side. "Evan, I know you've been working really hard on getting money for your top surgery, but with Hanukkah coming up, I thought you'd need a little boost. I love you, and I hope it helps.- Connor". The stack had fifty dollars, which was held in place with a rubber band.

"I know you wanted to do this by yourself, but you've... you've done a lot for me, and you deserve this," Connor twisted his ring, and smiled.

"It's just enough! Thank you!" Evan enthusiastically threw his arms around him, holding him close.

Connor chuckled, hugging him back. "You're welcome, Ev.."

And when Heidi saw Evan the next time, well, it was the happiest he'd ever been.

#dear evan hansen #evan hansen #connor murphy #deh #treebros #connor #evan #convan #transgender character #trans evan #thanksgiving

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evan-hand-soap · 5 years

Text

Basically my favorite characters to write for as your best friend headcannons UwU

Characters: Connor Murphy(DEH), Evan Hansen(DEH), Jared Kleinman(DEH), Freddy Freeman(Shazam), Shouto Todoroki(bnha), Hitoshi Shinso, Kyoka Jiro(bnha), and Peter Parker(mcu) *in that order*

A/n & TW: yeah it’s a lot, I know. Everything’s platonic and yes there’s some cursing and a small refrence of drugs in Connors if you squint.

My requests and matchups are open! Just please read my rules first!<3

Connor Murphy

He is oh so very protective of you

He doesn’t have many friends so he wants to keep you at his side as much as possible

Since his brains all fucked and tells him things that aren’t true, if you’re not around him he gets sad and starts to tell himself you’re out with other friends and he’s not good enough

Even if in reality you went to the bathroom

He overthinks so much

Hes a pretty goofy person though so he tries his best to lighten the mood or make you laugh when you’re sad

And it usually works

When you guys hang out you usually go somewhere like a park or your house rather than to his house because he hates his family and doesn’t want you around them

He’s too anxious to say things like “I love you” but he means well and you know he does

He starts saving money and not buying as much weed and such so he can have money to spend on both of you when you go out and hang out

His hugs are by far the best

He’s just so comfortable and warm and smells so good

Expect lots of calls at like 2 in the morning

Mainly just because his mind gets stuck in a rut and makes him upset and uses you as his lifeline which you have no problem with

He obviously gets very angry very easily but around you he goes soft

It’s impossible for him to get mad at you

His brain won’t allow it to happen

He secretly loves if you lock your arm with his because it lets him flex that he’s got such a great best friend without having to say anything

Any problem you have is his problem

Someone breaks a project you worked on for a while? Their ass is dust. Something happens at home? You live with him for the next week even if he doesn’t want you around his family. Hotel? Tivago

Having him as your best friend also makes everyone scared to do anything but be nice to you because they know he won’t hesitate to annihilate them

Just in general having him around and you being around him makes him a lot happier

He’s only vulnerable in front of you and Miguel

But he’s a lot softer and nicer with you

Evan Hansen

He’s an anxious baby

If he’s your best friend, he’ll be so at ease because he knows you won’t judge him or hate him or anything

He still stutters around you and can get pretty nervous but that’s just how he is

Hang out usually are at his house or at a park

He tries to keep you away from Jared because Jared’s a cocky bitch but Jared just means well

Most of the time..

But if you are around Jared, he panics because he’s scared Jared might say something about him and make you not like him and want to be Jared’s friend rather than Evans

That never happens though and to help Evan not panic about that, if you’re ever around Jared you make sure Evans there too

Evan loves hugs so much

He never has to say anything but just in general gives off a vibe of ‘I want hug’

He secretly really likes just hanging out in his room and laying down with his head in your lap and talking and ranting while you mess with his hair

It’s just so comforting to him to know you’re always there to listen

He’s very quiet so it’s best to always have an ear open around him so you can hear him mumble something like if he’s uncomfortable

He just really needs a person who can show him he’s cared for and loved

Like Connor, he’s too anxious to say “I love you” but for Evan, it’s mainly because he doesn’t want it to come off weird or something

But you know he loves you

Heidi once thought you were dating and it made him and flustered, anxious trainwreck as he tried to explain you two weren’t. It would’ve been a lot worse if you were there

(If he were to get into a relationship it would most likely be with his best friend because that’s who he knows he can rely on the most)

Jared Kleinman

He’s a cocky bastard

Like I’ve said, he mostly means well

But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a snarky asshole

He’s got a few nicknames for you but if you want him to stop he’ll try his best to

He’s a show off

He loves you a lot so if you’re his best friend he’s gonna flex about you so hard

Everyone’s gonna know you’re best friends

Literally no one cares

But they know

Like Connor, your problems are his problems

He will attack(verbally) anyone who does anything even as small as taking a pencil from you and not giving it back

Hang out are usually at his house or the mall

He secretly really really loves cuddling

He’ll be really cocky about it if you want to but he won’t say no

He teases you a lot but that’s just his way of showing he loves you

He, just like the other two, doesn’t actually say he loves you but his reasoning is he’s never had to say it to anyone so he just feels weird about it

If he says something actually insulting he’ll apologize

Something you’ve got to keep in mind though, is that regardless of what he says, he means well

He really does. He wants you happy but he doesn’t want to be different around you than how he actually is

He’s actually very insecure so if you’re good at making people feel better about themselves, you’ll be his ray of sunshine

He doesn’t actually have all those friends he met camp and a hot model girlfriend like he tells people so he doesn’t actually have anyone to keep his moral up

*DEH is such a sad musical wth-*

You can see right through his lies

When he feels like balling up and sobbing he smiles and cracks jokes instead of cocky comments

There’s been multiple occasions where he’s needed to sob and just huddled up in a ball and hugged his knees and cried while you just held him

That’s all he needs is a friend who can have a sense of humor to make him laugh instead of make himself laugh and have someone to lean on and not get judged for crying

His hugs are also amazing

Not as good as Connors but they’re still amazing

No matter how close you are, he’s still gonna be a cocky bitch but he’s nicer around you

Freddy Freeman

This boy is the best best friend anyone could ask for

Because of his disability he can’t do much but he really tries to make you happy

You do what you can to make him happy too because he’s a little depressed and a has mild anxiety and gets shoved around and made fun of a lot

If you love superheroes, he’ll be super stoked because... he is literally the biggest superhero nerd

Hang outs are always at his house because 1, his family adores you, 2, you don’t want him going places when its not necessary because of his disability, and 3 being that his home is just so cozy and fun

Billy is also really close with you because you’re around him a lot since you’re always in his room since they share a room

*His whole family secretly ships you two and it really pisses Freddy off since you two are, at this point, strictly plantonic*

He doesn’t say “I love you” or hug you around his family because it would just be endless teasing

If Billy’s not home and everyone else is downstairs he’s totally different

He does those one armed hugs because his other hand is always occupied with his crutch

If he does tell you he loves you, he kind of mumbles it since he’s pretty awkward and also in fear his family is around

He’s always on his toes when you’re at his house because he doesn’t want to let something slip and get teased about it because it’s already happened once when you were getting picked up from his house and when he walked you to the front door he just bluntly said “See you at school, love you.”

The second he turned around everyone was just smirking at him and started teasing him

He’s an incredible person to comfort you if you’re sad

He just always knows what to say

If you are sad he knows all you need is to be comforted which usually comes with physical comfort as well

If you’re in his room and just sobbing Billy promises not to say anything because he’s just trying being a good friend

The only times his family won’t tease him about it is if you’re sad and clinging to him

He’s very supportive and just all around great to have around

His best friend would probably be someone soft spoken and sweet rather than obnoxious and witty just because he needs someone sweet and kind in his life besides his sisters

He’s a big softie and anyone can fight me on this

Shouto Todoroki

Todoroki will be the best friend that gets very jealous if you’re around someone else

He just thinks he’s not good enough so if you’re around someone else for a little, he gets anxious and starts worrying and gets all down in the dumps

Kinda like Connor does

His hugs? The best on this whole list

His hugs are always so warm and tight but not too tight

Also,,, a literal living ac and heater

He’s just the best

Being his best friend, expect lots and lots of hugs when you’re alone in his dorm

Sometimes he’ll have nightmares and text you and ask if he can come to your dorm for comfort

And he just walks over to your room and hugs you and tries to calm himself down

He secretly really really really loves nicknames from you

Whether it be strawberry or candy cane or something else

He loves it

He’ll definitely need a best friend who can stop him from getting into fights because (I headcanon) he doesn’t like wasting his time in stupid situations like fights for no reason

remember when he almost threw hands with the chief of the police in the hospital? or when he shit on his licensing exam results because he was too busy fighting Inasa?

He’ll definitely need someone to be his common sense when he gets sucked into something and his won’t function

Hang outs are usually in his dorm, half of the time are just studying

Hang outs also don’t include much conversation because... he isn’t one to talk since he’s like on of the quietest in 1A

If you’re struggling with grades or training or something else, he will 100% help you but he’ll back off if you tell him to

Just like Connor and Jared, your problems are his problems

If he even hears your name mentioned in a negative way he’s all over it and won’t even mention what happened to you so you don’t have to worry or think about it

Kind of like Connor and how he saves up money to spend on the both of you, Shouto just steals his dads money and spends it on you both instead

You’re sick and need medicine? He skiddadles to the store and buys you some medicine and then a bunch of your favorite snacks or ice cream or whatever you like. You have a bad day? He takes you out shopping and spends Enji’s money like there’s no tomorrow

He’s that best friend that literally spoils you whenever they can

He will never ever judge you for things you like or do or anything about you

He’ll be a little awkward during the first few months of your friend ship and even when you’re close enough to be considered best friends

That’s just how he is

He’ll be very open with you so expect him to sometimes show up at your door and once you let him in just fall on your bed face first and ask for permission to rant

He’ll just mumble something like “Do you mind if I rant?”

Yes, he asks for permission. He’s very polite

He needs hugs. He’ll need someone who can initiate hugs because he needs wants them

He’s going to be the hugest softie around you, but other than letting down some of his aloof persona, nothing’s that different besides he’s a bit more open and goofy

Hitoshi Shinso

He’s honestly honored to be your best friend

At first, he was a little confused when you started becoming friends. No one ever tried to befriend him so he was confused. Did you want something?

When he realized you just wanted to be his friend, to say he was happy would be an understatement

He’ll definitely need support because growing up he was always told “sounds criminal, Shinso.” “You’re cool as long as you don’t manipulate us into being your slaves.” “Imagine how much stuff you could get away with!” And etc. so he’ll need support for when he gets depressed and insecure and lets his thoughts get to him

Once your best friends, he’s like your body guard

He’s supppeerrrrrrr protective

He doesn’t mean to be, he just loves you a lot and wants to make sure you’re okay

If he hears you got hurt during training, he’ll personally make sure you’re alright and then take you out to get ice cream

He kind of babies you but he knows you can protect yourself

He just doesn’t want you to feel like you’re alone

He refuses to use his quirk on you

It just seems wrong to manipulate you, which it is

He let’s you and only you touch his hair

Be honored

Like Todoroki, it takes him a bit to open up but once he’s open to you, you know basically everything down to his shoe size (?)

He’s not much of a ranter because he feels like he’s annoying you if he talks about his problems

You have to reassure him that you could never find him annoying and even after that, he’ll maybe rant once every month or two

Unlike the other few on this list and the whole ‘your problems are his problems’ for Shinso it’s a ‘you don’t have problems. I kill them before they become one.’ Kind of thing

Stressing over grades? Not a problem he stays up all night with you and does whatever he can to make sure they go up. Over worked yourself during training and made you sore and exhausted and go unconscious? He’s already convinced his teacher to excuse him from class and carrying you bridal style to the your dorm from the nurse

He’s on it, regardless of what it is

I headcannon he has a black cat in his dorm and it’s named is shadow, fight me

His cat loves you a lot

Being best friends with Shinso probably comes with Aizawa just generally appreciating your human more than others because Shinso talks to Aizawa about you and how you’ve made him happier

So of course, Shinso’s Dad™ is stoked

For the sake of this, I’m saying you’re in 1A

Since Aizawa likes you and the impact you’ve put on your best friend, you’re the only student in 1A that gets to leave to Shinso’s dorm whenever you wish because you’re not friends with anyone out of your class besides him

Shinso is a gifts guy

He’s that friend that is always thinking of his best friend when he’s out somewhere so if he sees something you might like, he buys it for you

He doesn’t shower you with gifts like Todoroki because he’s not rich, not that he’s poor, he just can’t afford spending money like it’s nothing, let alone if it’s not even his

Expect lots of calls or random texts at like 3am because his insomnia is always keeping him up

He’s definitely too shy to really show that he cares about you

If he does it’s in a way where he doesn’t need to look you in the eye or look at you at all because he gets flustered easily

He really likes Disney so one of his favorite things to do is just watch Disney movies

He’s the bestest best friend anyone could have ^‿^

Kyoka Jiro

This girl loves her music

She knows what it’s like to have someone insult your music taste so she will fight anyone if they discriminate you or your taste

She’ll definitely tease you about small things but nothing you’re insecure about

She’ll teach you how play the drums or guitar or whatever you want that she has because if you play songs with her, she will be super happy

She might not want a friend too dramatic or a drama starter but if you are like that, she’ll try an ignore it

Hanging out will probably be either in her dorm, an arcade, or doing something like kareoke

She loves kareoke so if you’re willing to play music with her and sing, you’re the best

Lots of inside jokes

Once shes open with you, you’ll know almost all of her secrets and opinions on things

But it might take a while since she has trust issues

Third most protective on this list (right under Peter and Connor)

She will not take anyone’s bs, especially if it’s even remotely at you

Every time Mineta mentions your name, he’s dead

She doesn’t care if you can defend yourself, there shouldn’t even be the case of needing to defend yourself unless it’s in training or hero stuff

You’re her favorite person to train with

Just cause she’s too scared she’ll get judged for something with someone else unless it’s Kami or Yoamomo

She’s not very affectionate so at first she’ll freeze up if you hug her or something

She’s just not used to it but once she is, she’ll hug you back or something

She’s pretty casual about it because it’s not like it’s anything further than plantonic

She’s not the best person to go to for academic help so if you ask for it, she’ll just refer you to Yoamomo or Todoroki

If it’s physical help you need, such as quirk or training stuff, she’s totally up for it

You’re the only person who she feels safe to rant around so it’s best that you’re a good listener around her

Her parents adore you

You guys rarely argue which she’s really happy about because she hates arguments

If you’re into the same music as her, she’s ecstatic

You two are jam buddies ヾ(＾▽＾)ﾉ

She never fails to make you laugh, whether she means to or not

It’s just her commentary thats funny

(You guys have custom ear pieces for your suits so during practice missions and training you guys can secretly talk with each other and hear everything that’s going on on each other’s ends and she’s always mumbles things to herself that you find funny)

Peter Parker(!FFH spoilers and gets a lil depresso!)

You know about him being Spidey

The poor baby has PTSD so you should do you’re best to not mention Tony around him

Sometimes he’ll just swing over to your apartment and give up on patrol and sneak through your window and sob and hug you

He just needs someone to hug and cry on

Your parents think your dating Spider-Man because they walked in on Spider-Man clinging to you and sobbing

You had to beg them not to tell anyone you know Spider-Man

Thankfully, he had his mask on, even if it was tear stained and sopping wet with tears seeping through it

Being his best friend, you should try your best not to worry about him out with bad guys, even if it’s super hard because he’s always face to face with death even if he’s just swinging around the city

What if he missed where he shot a web and slammed to the ground and got hurt?

Will definitely binge Star Wars with you

If you’re not into Star Wars, he’ll get into whatever you’re into so it’s not awkward when you hang out and just watch SW with Ned

He lets you try on his suit but only after he gets it cleaned because it always smells like sweat and tears and blood

Once it’s clean it smells like flowers and laundry detergent

He’s given you part control over EDITH so if something happens to him and you only have his glasses, you can protect yourself

When he needs to ditch class for something he either has you or Ned convince the teachers something, depending on which one of you is in a class with him at the time because every class he has is with one of you

He made you a braclet made of nanotech that can also go into the form of glasses, with an AI named Mila, but hasn’t given them to you and only plans to if he absolutely has to

He had Pepper make them since he knows nothing about Nanotech. He had it customized with ways to keep you calm in chaotic situations and can find the easiest and safest escape routes for you in a few seconds

I forgot to mention he’s very protective because he refuses to lose someone close to him again

He’s an awkward mess so please don’t make fun of him or tease him about something because he’s really insecure

Once his identity got out, you stayed at his side so if he were bombarded with with questions or the press or anything else you could help him answer because he gets super nervous and stiff around the press and such

He really appreciates you

He tries to save up some money to buy you gifts for your birthday and such but you always insist he doesn’t have to

The boys a bit stubborn though so he’ll still most likely do so

If something happens at home you’re more than welcome to stay at his apartment

May loves you so you’re always welcome there

He’s not to physical but he’ll hug you every once in a while and such but not much more

If you’re ever sad he’s one of the best people to be comforted by

Mainly because he’s dealt with a lot and never had many people or anyone to comfort him when he needed it so he always gets into the mindset of ‘when I’m sad, what do I need from someone else’ and knows what you need and what he needs to do

He’s just generally a really really great best friend UwU

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meggtheegg · 5 years

Text

To answer the previous ask: “you’re now the script doctor for DEH. What do you change?” I warn you, this is gonna get long.

Okay so my only major issue with the show is how Zoe is utilized. I think her character and motivations change around too quickly for the sake of plot convenience and it makes her character arc fall flat. So first, you keep the exchange with Evan and Zoe before You Will Be Found from the older productions, where she calls him out for kissing her but they also have a heart-to-heart about grief. Then you end YWBF with one of three things: the same Evan/Zoe exchange we currently have but with a tearful hug instead of a kiss (because emphasizing the good that the lie is doing for the Murphys instead of the good it’s doing for Evan feels more relevant to the song), Evan standing center-stage in a spotlight singing that final “you will be found” that’s on the cast recording (in a moment of reflecting on the fact that he finally feels found), or exactly that but it’s Connor singing it, either alone or to Evan. Act 2 opens the same way, but instead of the Sincerely, Me reprise after the announcement about the orchard, we go right into Heidi coming in and confronting Evan about the Connor Project. To Break In A Glove is still the same, you can even keep the same banter with/about Zoe, because it shows that she’s gotten comfortable with Evan and that the Murphys would be perfectly happy to see them dating. The next scene is the biggest change. Zoe gets to Evan’s room, they talk about the scholarship contests, have their little banter about throwing a kegger, etc. Then Zoe sits on Evan’s bed and feels a lump under the mattress. Either she or Evan reaches under and pulls out the baseball glove, wrapped in rubber bands. They probably make a joke or two about Evan taking Larry’s advice in spite of not being particularly into baseball, but then the conversation takes a serious turn. Zoe describes the day Connor got the glove. She remembers it in full detail. It was Christmas, and Larry had actually been really excited to give it to him. Cynthia usually bought most of the gifts, but Larry always insisted on getting each kid one big thing. He got Zoe a ukulele that year, but the glove was the idea he was really proud of. He thought it was a great gift. A peace offering. A reminder that he and Connor used to be close. But Connor, of course, took it as an insult, like a message to him that he was better as a kid and that Larry didn’t like or appreciate the person he’d become. And either he had a meltdown over it or forced himself to keep it together in front of family who was visiting but went into his room and cried. Either one could be applicable to what Zoe got out of it. And either way, she kept on a brave face, making a show of figuring out the ukulele and trying (with not much success) to play Christmas music. Then, she starts singing Hiding In Your Hands (the deleted song from the deluxe album.) For the first time, she’s being open about what her problem really was. The need for her, because of Connor, to pretend that everything was fine all the time. And towards the end, Evan joins her and it becomes a duet. She takes it as him empathizing with her, but it’s also largely him secretly admitting his own conflict for this act. ”When it’s just you and that song it’s impossible to play, fake your way through, strum along and everything’s okay. Can’t let them know, ‘cause no one understands. Your face can’t show what you’re hiding in your hands.”

The song ends, Zoe smiles and says something like “I can see why he felt like he could talk to you.” And then she kisses him for the first time.

After that, the Sincerely, Me reprise happens. Evan and Jared’s conversation is slightly altered to establish that it’s been a few days/a week or so since the last scene. Then instead of being interrupted by Heidi coming in, Evan hangs up on him because Zoe’s messaging/calling. She takes Jared’s place and they talk for a bit. The scene implies that she’s up to something, but it’s a surprise (later revealed to be the college fund thing.) Then, they make plans to go out for something “tomorrow night.” Cut to black, then the scene with Alana starting with “where were you last night?” And the rest of the show continues as normal.

#long post #dear evan hansen

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the-insanely-cool-connor-mu-blog · 5 years

Text

Three Words

Word Count: 719

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Swearing, I believe that’s it

A/N: Yes hello I am in love with Connor Murphy

Three words. Three words, always on the tip of your tongue. Three beautiful, impossible, destructive words. Three words with the power to ruin everything. Three words you could never say. Three words you had to get out of your head. Three words, clouding your judgement. Three simple words.

I love you.

Fuck, you were going to ruin everything. Everything you’d worked for. Everything you had.

You shouldn’t have come here. This was a bad idea.

“DID YOU JUST FUCKING BLUE SHELL ME, HANSEN?” Jared screeched, prompting a laugh from the rest of your friend group and snapping you back to reality.

“Sorry, but I really want to win, Jared,” Evan apologized, his eyes still glued to the screen. Jared scowled, harrumphing.

You were having a sleepover at the Murphys’ with all your friends, since they had the biggest house.

Connor laughed at their antics from his spot beside you. You’d been good friends for a long time, and it was true you’d held a crush on him for a long time, but it wasn’t until yesterday that you understood just how deep your feelings went.

You’d made some horrible pun, and he had laughed, and you swore his laugh was the most beautiful sound in the world. And then you had realized, fuck, you loved him. You had thought it was just a dumb crush until then, something easy to get over. Something you could repress, like you’d done a million times before. You’d tried denying your feelings, you’d tried to stop thinking about him, but you never could. It was real, and it was terrifying. Love was terrifying.

You’d just ignore it, for now. You couldn’t exactly just profess your love for Connor in the middle of Mariokart. It was your turn to play anyways, which meant a minor distraction.

Jared climbed up the stairs, and a few minutes later came back clutching three bottles of wine.

“Time to party!” he yelled.

Everyone booed and Connor chucked an empty pop can at Jared’s head.

“Did you just yeet a Pepsi can at my head?” Jared asked, feigning betrayal.

“It’s Coca-Cola, you uncultured swine,” Connor retorted.

You laughed a bit. You’d decided by now your best plan of action was to avoid Connor. Not talking to him, not laughing at him. If you stayed distant maybe you could make it through the night.

Everyone was asleep by midnight, everyone except for you and Connor. An uneasy quietness settled over you two, coating the room with unspoken words.

“Why have you been acting so weird lately?” he spoke up, breaking the heavy silence.

Oh God. How could you say this? What if he didn’t return your feelings and things were weird between you forever? You didn’t think you’d be able to live with that.

He looked at you calmly, though in that moment his blue eyes seemed to pierce through you. You couldn’t take this anymore. You couldn’t pretend you didn’t feel this.

“I love you!” you blurted out. He just stared at you in shock.

Oh fuck.

You’d ruined it. You could already feel your friendship slipping through your fingertips. You knew exactly what would happen: he’d kick you out of the house and tell you never to come back again, he’d stop talking to you and then everyone else would stop talking to you too, and your name would be whispered in the hallways as “that freaky chick who’s in love with that emo stoner” forever.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. “I fucking ruined it, and I’m so sorry.”

Another silence that seemed to stretch on for forever passed.

“I thought I was the only one,” he whispered, voice low enough he thought you didn’t hear him, but you did.

And you kissed, and you could feel happiness washing over you like waves on the beach. His lips were chapped as fuck, sure, and your teeth might have clashed at some point, and it was messy, but it was real.

You never had actually been to the Murphys before, much less met Cynthia and Larry. So they were quite surprised when they came home and found a strange girl sleeping with her head on Connor’s shoulder.

“Who is this girl? Why is she here?” Larry immediately demanded.

Cynthia shushed him. “Look, Larry. He looks so happy. Let them sleep.”

#ahhh oh this is. bad #connor murphy x reader #deh fic #no one deserves to be forgotten #connor murphy #connor murphy imagine #deh imagine #dear evan hansen #dear evan hansen imagine #deh #deh fanfic #dear evan hansen fic #dear evan hansen fanfic #deh x reader #dear evan hansen x reader

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thesportssoundoff · 4 years

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“The XFL is a thing. Should you care about it?”

Joey

February 2nd, 2020

Another winter, another money mark attempt to figure out winter football.

The NFL has wrapped up another successful season and now it's Vince McMahon's turn to try once more with a brand new football league. In 2019, the son of his friend Dick Ebersole tried with the AAF which fell apart before the season finale could even take place. Vince McMahon seems more prepared than Charlie Ebersole and his backers, especially when you consider that the XFL apparently has long term financial backing place to absorb what figures to be some money losing seasons. The XFL's rule set which features things like a revamped overtime, a double forward pass concept, a continuously running game clock and a variety of different special teams related rules designed to entice an improved pace of play. Is the XFL going to revolutionize the NFL? Probably not. Will it provide some concepts that inevitably get stolen? I'm going with a pretty solid "oh yeah absolutely." It's live sports and chances are if you're reading this you know that the SportsSoundoff is all about live sports and activities that are able to cosplay as sports (axe throwing and chainsaw-ing come to mind).

If you're looking for more football to take in then the XFL figures to give you that and with readily-ish available-ish games across FS1/2, Fox, ABC and ESPN/2 platforms. Long story short, games will be out there for ya if you want to spell some time between the NBA's second half kicking off and the start of baseball and college basketball's tournament run. With a neat and tidy eight teams across a variety of markets, I'd like to go team by team and detail why you should try your hardest to give each team the benefit of your time. Some teams figure to be easy and some teams figure to be impossible BUT I've got free time and I gotta do something, right?

The Dallas Desperados The most intriguing coaching staff in the entire league

Let's start from the obvious; if Bob Stoops truly wanted to, he could be coaching in the NCAA right now. This is a guy who left Oklahoma as an insanely successful well liked legacy coach who won a national title and 10 conference championships. Bob Stoops took Oklahoma football to a level not seen since the Barry Switzer run and is clearly one of the greatest coaching minds of his era. Health and perhaps a general all around malaise for football led to Stoops stepping down but when you look around the number of college teams divided by the number of quality of minds currently available for head coaching jobs, there's zero doubt Stoops could've been the guy at any school he wanted to over the past two years. Hell, I would NOT be surprised if Stoops would've been on the radar of NFL teams if he did an Urban Meyer-esque TV gig as opposed to just falling off the face of the Earth and living life in the shadows. Instead he re-emerges in the XFL as the GM and head coach of the Dallas Desperados. Stoops admittedly took this gig because of its proximity to his recruiting trails of the past and just general all around comfort with the area. Stoops was the prized announcement of the XFL, the first coach they revealed and put in the biggest football media market of the entire XFL league. Long story short? Bob Stoops was a rare coup for the XFL and he's being advertised and promoted as such. So much so in fact that when Stoops stopped appearing in XFL promotional material for a short spell, there were rumors that the XFL was going to lose the only drawing card it had with Stoops maybe making a move all the way up to the NFL for the Cowboys head coaching gig. The fact the XFL has Stoops gives it something the AAF never had; a familiar well liked face who isn't tired or old hat; the two knocks that basically hurt the AAF when Steve Spurrier was limping around on the sidelines for the Orlando Apollos.

The intrigue goes beyond JUST Bob Stoops as the Bob Stoops coaching staff is genuinely pretty ridiculous. If you love the Lincoln Riley and Mike Leach style offenses then you know of the name of Hal Mumme. Mumme is the father of most of the modern air raid offenses you see today, the likes of which that get mediocre-y college coaches like Kliff Kingsbury head coaching gigs in the NFL. Mumme is a bit of a college coaching legend with concepts that have bled into the highest levels of football. Stoops will be the offensive coordinator for Stoops' offense and with a few years away from the coaching circuit, I'm intrigued to see if Mumme has anything new left to offer. Defensively, Chris Woods and Jim Jeffcoat have long ties to Bob Stoops or Hal Mumme. The offense has a mastermind, the defense has a glut of former defensive coordinators and there's a damn good chance that Bob Stoops could turn a solid run in the XFL into a head coaching job elsewhere. Just keep an eye on the Desperados coaching staff as a potential breeding ground for coaches into the next level.

DC Defenders Name defensive talent = ???

It seems like the XFL is going to make it a lot harder for defenses to really play a meaningful part in the games with rules clearly designed to go for more of a high paced scoring first and foremost brand of play. That said, the DC Defenders do have some defensive talent to keep an eye on. They've got a name defensive line with guys like former Giants starter Jay Bromley, USC's Kenny Bigelow, Washington Huskie Elijah Qualls and a linebacking core with Arizona undersized legend Scooby Wright, former Atlanta Falcons player Jonathan Massaquoi and former Bills player and early retiree from football AJ Tarpley. In the secondary is where things really have "could play in the NFL potential" with former draft picks Jalen Myrick and Bradley Sylve and former starters Shamarko Thomas and Matt Elam at the safety spots. Most of the attention will be on former National Championship winner Cardale Jones at the QB spot with name weapons like Malachai Dupree and Rashad Ross but in truth, I'm curious to see if their defensive talents can find their way back into the NFL.

Houston Roughnecks Actual NFL name talent

Soooo yeah, let's take a second to talk about the Houston Roughnecks. There's a WEALTH of NFL level talent on here, if not in actual talent but in name value. We can start at the QB spot where the Roughnecks at the very least boast an interesting "What if?" scenario. Going into the 2016 NFL Draft, a lot of teams needed QBs and the draft boasted some really interesting ones. The top two were pretty much locked in (Carson Wentz and Jared Goff depending upon your preference) and Paxton Lynch seemed like a solid lock as the #3 QB. After that? Free for all! The likes of Cardale Jones, Dak Prescott, Jeff Driskel, Connor Cook, Nat Sudfield and Christian Hackenberg were all fighting for spots to try and eek themselves into that next tier. There was a belief of sorts that Cook was the leader in that clubhouse but concerns about his personality and how teammates viewed him at Michigan State dogged him all the way down to the 4th round. The Cowboys were going to take Cook (who they had as a late 2nd round pick on their draft board) but he got snagged up as the Raiders as a developmental QB behind Derek Carr. The Cowboys, not exactly heartbroken but not exactly thrilled, moved to taking Charles Tapper out of Oklahoma and then with their comp pick (thanks Eagles! Thanks DeMarco Murray!) picked Dak Prescott at the behest of their coaching staff, bucking scouts who had him behind Jeff Driskel. Dak Prescott will likely earn anywhere from 30 to 40 million next year and Cook is trying to carve out his path in the XFL after failed stints in Oakland, Cincinnati and Detroit. It's a fun "What If?" scenario to toss around while Cook can perhaps reset his career in the XFL.

Beyond Connor Cook? Houston boasts a kicker in Sergio Castillo who as an all star in 2019 and boasts an NFL quality leg potentially. Kickers come and go in the NFL and if Castillo is good then he probably has a chance to pop up somewhere. RB De'Angelo Henderson was a 7th round pick who has bounced around the NFL and figures to probably get similar looks as a 3rd round COP back somewhere if he's good in the league. Cam Phillips and Kahlil Lewis are former NFL camp bodies while Sammie Coates played in the NFL for the Pittsburgh Steelers. SS Marqueston Huff played in the NFL for a variety of teams and has a pedigree as a former 4th round pick. DL Kony Ealy, Gabe Wright and Walter Palmore could probably fill out the back end of an NFL defensive line rotation right now. There's some actual NFL talent lurking in these waters, even if most of it is probably training camp filler variety. Those guys still have merit!

LA Wildcats The Josh Johnson Situation

So let's chit chat a spell about this. Josh Johnson is one of those guys that seems to pop up once a year on an NFL roster. He's been in the league since the dying days of the Gruden Era in Tampa Bay, a former fifth round pick who carved out a career as a somewhat competent-ish back up. He bounced around, played in the United Football League (consider THAT one) and seemed set to flame out. When the Redskins brought Josh Johnson in in 2018 after injuries to Alex Smith and Colt McCoy, Johnson stepped into the starting role and actually played pretty well! Not well enough to get brought back but well enough to earn another shot in the NFL as a back up for the Detroit Lions. Johnson was let go and continued his playing days by adding onto the XFL. I think Josh Johnson is the only dude to play in all three short term gimmick leagues (the UFL, AAF and XFL) but that's not where our story ends. Injuries to Jeff Driskel and Matt Stafford opened the door to play the NFL again when the Lions came calling. Surprisingly the XFL refused to follow the AAF's lead and kept Johnson to his XFL deal, forcing him to pass on a Lions opportunity. Josh Johnson basically has to be the best QB in the league to justify the XFL's decision to force him to stay in the league. Otherwise they'll probably be looked at unfavorably by future players for robbing a guy of an NFL opportunity. Also keep an eye on Nelson Spruce to be a big third down guy who racks up 1st downs.

New York Guardians ???

So I've looked over the roster a bunch, taken a gander at the coaching staff and honestly? I mean I don't have anything. This team on paper is pretty boring with no real flashy star name value and a head coach and offensive coordinator in Kevin Gilbride who had his best years some fifteen years ago if not longer. I suppose there may be some interest in seeing former AAF names like Jamar Summers and Luis Perez do stuff? This team is boring but boring teams can win games and boring games can win championships. Just don't expect the Guardians on paper to be something you'll feel compelled to go out of your way to see. In a way the Guardians match up pretty well with Vince McMahon's current WWE product; a severe lack of storylines and star power that compel and force you to go out of your way to tune in on a weekly basis.

St. Louis Battlehawks Football is BACK in St. Louis!

The Rams left St. Louis for LA in 2016 and to be entirely honest, I'm not sure if it worked out any well for the NFL. Surely the Rams bring in more money and notoriety in theory but it sure feels like the Rams have not exactly caught on with the locals in LA who are clearly baseball fans during the summer/fall and basketball fans every other time else. The Rams boast a tremendous team and watching a city like Kansas City enjoying its first Super Bowl win (in the great state of Missouri or Kansas or Kansourri) has me wondering how much more fun the NFL would be if the Greatest Show On Turf stayed in St. Louis as opposed to venturing out west and had kept up the tradition of having two teams playing in a rather "small" market. The fans of St. Louis will get to show how much they support football when the Battlehawks take flight (Ugh) in a few days. The Battlehawks have an intriguing roster with plenty of Mizzou names on it like WRs L'Damian Washington and former TE turned WR Markus Lucas. They also have swagmaster Marquette King trying to rebuild his NFL case after his falling out in Oakland. To add to the madness, the Battlehawks boast the most QBs on any of the 52 man rosters in the XFL and are led by Ole Miss QB legend Jordan Ta'amu who is coming off a failed stint in the NFL. I still really like Ta'amu and think he's got developmental upside for what it's worth but that's neither here nor there.

Seattle Dragons Holy shit Jim Zorn is still around?

The Redskins have a rather....interesting history in the modern era. Outside of a few brief periods of success from the likes of Joe Gibbs and Mike Shanahan, the Redskins head coaching history is rather no bueno. Among those bodies lost to the annals of history you have Jim Zorn. Zorn was a bit of a QB whisperer for the likes of Mike Holmgren and Dennis Erickson before surprising folks by making a massive leap from QB coach to head coach for the Washington Redskins in a stunning move. Zorn's move went...about as well as you'd expect. Jim Zorn became the latest victim of Redskins incompetence and then sort of just disappeared. He coached QBs for a bit after getting fired and then became the NFL equivalent of a ghost. Well Jim Zorn's back and back in Seattle where he led Matt Hasselbeck to some insane-o Seahawks records. The Dragons roster overall isn't exactly must see as it's mostly AAF leftovers with the occasional 2019 UDFA but at the very least seeing if Jim Zorn can wash off the Redskins stench some 10+ years later might be a bit of fun.

Tampa Bay Vipers A Florida all star team

The Vipers have the world's most name recognizable pseudo all star squad in the entire XFL. With former Bears head coach Marc Trestman at the helm, the Vipers boast a wide array of talents from various schools in the state of Florida. Miami Hurricanes WR Stacy Coley, Florida OL Martez Ivey and TE DeAndre Goolsby, South Florida QB legend Quinton Flowers will be trying his hand at RB as well as FSU RB Jacques Patrick and DB DeMarcus McFadden. That doesn't even begin to cover the number of Central Florida, South Florida and FAU players on this team as well. Also Aaron Murray is here and it seems like people are still going to try and make him into a thing after being a 4th round pick back in 2015.

#XFL #football #teams #sports

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razanartuk · 5 years

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23 with kleinsen?

from here

23. “I immediately regret this decision.”

“And no one will know what we’re doing here? Like, the Feds won’t find out and come bust us for falsifying emails?” Evan asks, nibbling on the nubby remnants of his fingernails as he hesitantly follows Jared into his bedroom. Jared’s laptop is already on, waiting for the two boys to enact their plan.

Rarely does Evan ever chew his nails down enough to make them bleed, but the temptation to do so is practically always there. The only thing stopping him from ripping up his cuticles entirely now is the fact that Jared is sitting right there in front of him and Evan doesn’t want to creep him out any more than he’s certain he already does.

This feels illegal, but maybe it’s just the way Evan talks about it. Jared doesn’t seem bothered by what they’re doing. Then again, Jared isn’t exactly known for being discreet or tactful in any sense, except maybe with things that have to do with him on a personal level.

Still, Evan is pretty sure Jared wouldn’t do anything illegal where anyone else could see him. Jared is more of an “anything is legal as long as you don’t get caught” kind of person. Evan is more the kind of person who gets caught doing something incredibly minor but winds up being questioned by the local authority because he “looks and acts suspicious” when it’s just social anxiety making it a nightmare to talk to people he doesn’t know.

“Uh, no. That’s the whole point of using a VPN.” Jared swivels around in his computer chair, which Evan notes looks brand new. It must be nice to come from a family with money like the Kleinmans or the Murphys. “Hides your IP address and makes it like, nearly impossible for anyone to trace sketchy shit back to you. It also makes targeted advertising more difficult so I get a lot less ‘hot singles in Rochester are ready for you’ ads while I’m jacking it. You weren’t even paying attention when I was explaining how that works, were you?”

“Gross,” Evan takes it back. If Jared has sat and jerked off in a chair that his parents bought for him (of course, he hasn’t, because Jared isn’t an animal and he’s actually kind of a neat freak when it comes to his room’s cleanliness), Evan would rather be destitute and retain a shred of dignity than ever come by any money and do something similar. Scrunching up his nose in disgust, he takes a couple steps away from Jared, who smiles and laughs in a way that is almost adorably innocent and completely mischievous at the same time. “I um, was focused on something else, so no, but—”

“—Listen, Evan. I said I’d do this for you on like, the world’s shittiest commission fee of 20 bucks, but I can’t have you disrespecting the Kleinman Castle like this.”

“The Kleinman Castle,” Evan repeats, monotone.

“Yeah,” Jared gives an enthusiastic chirp, “That’s what I call my room. Are you jealous?”

Evan sighs deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I immediately regret this decision.”

In a way, he is jealous, but that is not something he feels like admitting to Jared. Especially when it feels like Jared is intentionally pulling out all the stops on ways he knows how to push Evan’s buttons.

Evan can count on one hand the amount of times he’s known Jared to take anything seriously. The only thing that comes to mind recently is that he had seemed pretty genuinely concerned when Evan first explained the situation with the Murphys, but maybe that was just wishful thinking on his part.

“Hey, c’mon. If you back out on me now, I’m charging you the original 2k I asked for,” Jared scolds him in a lighthearted manner. He doesn’t mean it, but Evan doesn’t have to know that.

“I should just go tell the Murphys the truth. It can’t get any worse if I do, right?”

“Oh yeah, sure. It just means that Zoe will hate you and probably never ever want to see or speak to you ever again,” if Jared sounds jealous, it’s because he’s jealous. Nothing against Zoe, of course. She’s a sweet girl, kind of standoffish at first but if she decides you’re cool she’s alright. Loves music, or at least likes that it gives her a way to escape from the reality she lives in for a short while. The way Evan idolizes her is annoying.

Evan can barely say two words to her on a good day, but Jared is convinced that Evan has this fantasy life where they go to college together, he marries Zoe and they live happily ever after in a big house making cute little baby Zoes and Evans and god it’s all just so fucking heterosexual. Made more nauseating only by the fact that Jared tries to get Evan’s attention any way he knows how to and there is no such thing as Evan over-analyzing their relationship.

“The mom will go back to blubbering about the fucked up ideal vision of her son that never actually existed and then she’ll wind up re-enacting the whole plot of Next to Normal, and who even knows what dad will do. He seems like the kind of guy who might press charges.”

“He’s a lawyer, I think.” Evan recalls Larry specifically telling him that he works at a law firm, but the ‘I think’ is thrown on anyway; in case he’s wrong.

“Then he would definitely take you to court. So no, I don’t think you should go tell them the truth. I think the best thing you can do for yourself right now is let me work.”

Evan wants to think that maybe Jared is just messing with him again, but that all sounds pretty accurate to what chain of events might conspire to become reality if he does come clean about what really happened with Connor in the computer lab. Zoe most likely would hate his guts. Cynthia was too nice to hate anyone, but she probably would be thrown into a downward depressive spiral where she would desperately try to cling to her own vision of Connor rather than accept what the truth was. And Larry… Well, there was no shortage of scenarios Evan could see involving Larry wanting to protect his family from ne’er do wells like Evan.

“I guess you’re right. Let’s just try to write one email and see how that goes.”

“Okay, cool. I have some ideas.” with that, Jared sets to work typing.

#this is more like #if you squint you can maybe see some soft kleinsen but #i like their dynamic in sincerely me so that's what i write #dear evan hansen #kleinsen #evan hansen #jared kleinman #mel writes #Anonymous

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jaceyneedsabetterusername · 5 years

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Dear Connor Murphy~ Part 3

A/N: 1) I wrote and published this on my phone so I'm sorry if it's formatted horribly. 2) i also had no clue how to end this so that's also horrible and again, I'm sorry

It had been a few days since the Murphy's invited you to dinner. Although they hadn't talked to you much since, Zoe had been smiling at you in the hallways at school. Despite everything she claimed, you were convinced that some small part of her missed Connor. Even if he did treat her badly.

Christmas break had just started and you had a lot of time to yourself at home since your parents worked for most of it. You couldn't lie, you were pretty excited to have alone time. Everything had been super stressful with college applications and finals but now you had time to just relax. You lied on your bed wearing leggings, a hoodie, and fuzzy socks while listening to your favorite song. Eventually, your humming became foot tapping and your foot tapping became a full on dance routine.

You were completely lost in the music, eyes closed, singing into your hairbrush and swaying your hips to the beat. You spun around and quickly glanced at yourself in the mirror, ready to laugh at how disheveled your hair probably looked, but the figure that seemed to flash in the reflection instead made your heart stop. It was only for a second but you knew you saw a person in black. Your heart throbbed in your throat as you looked around frantically. Someone was in the room with you.

Reaching over to your desk, you grabbed a pair of scissors and held them, ready to defend yourself against whoever was there. Your phone. You needed to grab your phone and call someone. You spun around to run over to your bed where you left your phone but you screamed in terror when you saw someone sitting on the edge.

"Oh my God..." you breathed when your brain finally processed what was happening. "What the... how the..." You were nearly hyperventilating out your words. "WHAT THE FUCK?!" You eventually yelled, still yielding the scissors dangerously in one hand while running the other through your hair.

Connor Murphy was sitting on your bed, looking just as alive as ever. "How is this even possible?" You asked in absolute confusion. This was impossible.

Connor just shrugged, his mouth twisting in just as much confusion as you were in, "No clue. Guess I'm a ghost or something. But I'm here anyways so what's up?"

"What's up? What's up? You're dead and somehow sitting on my bed and you're asking me 'what's up?'"? You couldn't believe he was being so calm about this, especially since he seemed to know as little as you did. "Why are you here?"

He scoffed, "Guess not much has changed since I killed myself."

You cringed at his words. How could he be so blunt about it? "That's not what I meant. I just don't know why you're here with me instead of with your family. You don't even know me."

"I heard what you said that day in the graveyard. Everything. And I've been watching over my family and seen what- Can you put the scissors down? I can't focus when you're looking like you want to kill me. I'm already dead anyways so it won't do much." Connor waved his hand at the scissors still gripped in your fist and you lowered them, not remembering that they were even still in your hand. "Thanks. Anyways, I've been watching my family and I saw how happy your letter made them." He paused, sighing, "Thank you."

"They think you hated them." You admitted quietly. "But they loved you a lot."

"Maybe my mom loved me but Zoe and Dad couldn't have cared less towards the end. I loved them but I just couldn't do it anymore." His aloofness had diminished to a sadness.

"That's not true. Your dad just didn't know how to help you." You didn't want Connor thinking that his own father hated him. Nobody should feel like that.

He shrugged and you finally moved to sit next to him on your bed, "He should have at least tried. My life was miserable. Everyone hated me and I turned into the monster they wanted me to be. I bet they threw a fucking party when they found out what happened." Connor looked the strangest combination of angry, sad, and peaceful.

An irritated scoff escaped your throat and you rolled your eyes, "They're all acting like you were best friends instead of owning up to what they did to you."

"Fucking assholes." He groaned.

"But," you continued, "it sparked a movement so people don't feel so alone. They're calling it the Connor Project."

"The Connor Project? So everyone is using my death as some kumbaya bullshit?" He said angrily, "These assholes bullied me into suicide and now they're pretending to care about each other's feelings."

You knew how hard this must be. He was right: everything was so fucked up about the situation. "I think it opened people's eyes to what was going on. I just wish it was in time to save you." You said quietly.

Connor looked straight ahead, "Yeah, me too." After a second he asked, "Do you know who started it? Probably the school to act like it was some big tragedy."

"Evan Hansen started it all. Him, Zoe, Alana Beck, and Jared Kleinman."

Connor looked pissed, "Why the hell would they start something like that? I met Alana like once, Zoe hated me, Jared's just fucking annoying, and Evan was trying to make me look crazy the day I killed myself!"

You were in absolute confusion, "What do you mean? If that's true, why did you write the suicide note to Evan?"

In equal confusion, Connor asked, " What note? I didn't leave one."

What? "The note they found in your pocket... it was addressed to Evan." Connor grumbled something and you stared straight ahead in realization.

"They think that was my suicide note?" Connor asked, long dirty blonde hair almost hiding his face, "That Dear Evan Hansen letter talking about Zoe? Everyone thinks that I wrote that?" You nodded silently, unsure of what to say. "Well fuck."

You both sat there in silence, not really knowing what to say at all. Connor broke the quiet with a slight chuckle, "No wonder I heard Zoe talking about Evan when I was there last."

"They're actually dating now." You regretted saying it the second you did. They just didn't seem like the two people that Connor would want to be together in this moment.

Instead of being mad, he just looked sad, "Everyone's lives got better the second I died. At least my legacy is happiness."

"Don't say that!" You exclaimed. "Things may have gotten better even if you were still alive. Graduation was so close and you could have gotten out of here and gone somewhere that made you happy! I may have even grown the balls to finally talk to you."

The two of you made eye contact and you found yourself lost in him. Everything about him was beautiful: the way his hair flowed, the way his eyes looked so deep, the way his lips curved when he did that little sarcastic half-smirk. If you hadn't known better, you would think he was alive. His eyes were locked with yours and there was an undeniable tension pulling you two together. Slowly, you leaned in, eyes trailing to his lips for a half-second as you wondered if this would even work. Without thinking, you quickly closed the gap in a tender kiss. Connor was taken aback initially but soon kissed you back, hand coming to your cheek. You pulled back slowly, gazing into his eyes before snapping out of your daze.

"I am sorry." You sighed, tucking your hair behind your ear and looking away, "That was horrible timing and-" You were interrupted by Connor crashing his lips into yours again, this time more intensely.

After several seconds, he pulled away, hand still on your cheek. "You're the only person who's treated me like this in a long time."

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sincerely-kleinman · 5 years

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back to december

Jared felt like his lungs had plummeted directly into his stomach, cold air caught in his chest as he tried to process Evan Hansen sitting on his front porch. Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: M/M Fandom: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson Relationship: Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman Characters: Evan Hansen, Jared Kleinman Read on AO3 or under the cut.

The soft hum of Jared’s car radio lulled him into a sense of calm as he drove to his mother’s house. College was going well. He’d made a handful of friends, and his classes were fairly simple so far. He’d chosen to dorm at a school a few hours away, hungry for a bit of independence and distance from the problems he’d left behind after his senior year of high school.

It almost felt weird coming home for holiday break after being away for nearly four months. Snow and slush crunched wetly under the tires of his used Honda Civic, colorful lights adorning the houses on his street as he drove through the small suburban neighborhood. Hanukkah was only a week away, but the excitement he usually felt for the holidays was missing this year.

The fact that he was coming home didn’t feel real until he was pulling into his driveway, the old yellow house greeting him with it’s familiarity. He could hear the wind chimes jingling on the front porch as the cold winter air blew gently. It wasn’t until he exited his distressed vehicle that he noticed the boy slumped over on the steps.

Jared felt like his lungs had plummeted directly into his stomach, cold air caught in his chest as he tried to process Evan Hansen sitting on his front porch. Glove clad hands rested over thick coat sleeves as Jared held onto his own arms tightly, as if to force closed the gaping hole in his chest.

The last time they’d spoken was an ordeal that Jared didn’t like to be reminded of. Their attempt to reconcile after the Connor Project was a disaster. Hurtful comments were thrown, confessions were made, and blame was thrust towards each other like daggers. Jared was a fool to think that his feelings mattered to Evan at all.

The air felt even colder.

He could see the white puffs of Evan’s warm breath as the boy breathed slowly, head turning up to meet Jared’s confused stare.

Jared had never heard silence quite this loud.

“What are you doing here?” He hoped he didn’t sound as fragile as he felt. Evan stood slowly, his whole body seeming to hesitate as he walked closer to Jared.

Then, in a rush of confidence, Evan pulled Jared close against him, arms wrapping around the other tightly as he buried his face in the shorter boy’s neck. He let out a choked sob, embarrassed by the tears soaking Jared’s soft blue scarf.

“I missed you so much.” His voice cracked, but he did not waver in the slightest. The words rang through the night air like he’d never been more sure of anything else in his entire life. “I’m so sorry for the things I said to you. For the way I reacted when you- When you said that you-”

“I can’t do this right now, Evan.” Jared broke in that moment, his voice high as he allowed a sob to wrack through him. “This isn’t fair, you can’t just show up here and expect everything to be okay.”

“I know it’s not okay.” Evan moved back slightly, a hand reaching up to caress Jared’s face as he refused to break eye contact. “I know that you have no reason to forgive me right now, and I accept that. But please let me try to make this right. I want to be better. I’ve been trying so hard to be better.”

A voice in Jared’s head reminds him that Evan is a liar. It reminds him that Evan will say what he needs to in order to get what he wants. It reminds him that no matter how much he’d like to believe otherwise, Evan had always been that way. This didn’t just start with the Murphy’s or the Connor Project. Evan had never been truly honest with him throughout their entire friendship, if he could even call it that.

And yet, as Evan rubbed his thumb against his tear soaked cheek, eyes pleading as he stared into Jared’s own, he couldn’t bring himself to doubt him.

“I missed you too, you fucking idiot.” Jared wrapped his arms around Evan’s shoulders, finally returning the hug. Being emotionally vulnerable was hard for him, but if Evan could work to be better, Jared could too.

He knew it wouldn’t be easy. It would take lots of time and lots of patience. He knew there would times where they’d fall into old habits, times where they’d argue, times where change feels impossible, but he was willing to see it through to the end.

“I know I’m already asking a lot, but can I kiss you?” The words shocked Jared to his core. He could feel Evan’s fingers twitching against his skin, as if the he was trying his hardest to resist every impulse to grab Jared and seal his lips to his own. “Nevermind actually, I’m getting way too confident here I mean we’ve barely talked this through and-” Jared put an end to one of his famous run-on sentences, grip tightening on the other’s shoulders as he pressed his lips to Evan’s with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

His lips were chapped and cold from the winter air, nose red and runny, and face wet from sobbing, but Jared still felt sparks as he reveled in the feeling of finally getting something he’d wanted for so long.

He couldn’t tell how long they stood there in the snow and slush, cold and vulnerable as they kissed by Jared’s front porch, the holiday lights around the neighborhood illuminating the night with bright colors and warm feelings.

As they part, Jared looks around and doesn’t feel the overwhelming emptiness he had when he’d first arrived. He felt full of life, and love, and joy, and he couldn’t remember ever feeling something so pure.

“Sorry for holding you up out here. I’m sure you probably want to get inside and see your mom and stuff.” Evan averted his gaze, but the smile never dropped from his face.

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now, actually.”

Evan pulled Jared in for another sweet kiss, grinning like an absolute dork. “Yeah, me too.”

#dear evan hansen #deh #kleinsen #evan hansen #jared kleinman #sincerelyfics

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