Today I’m 2years and 8 months clean from weed, coke, meth, adderall, alcohol and my biggest struggles xanax and heroin. I couldn’t go 3 hrs without putting a needle in my arm nothing in my life mattered to me not my family nor my friends even my life was not important enough. I didn’t care if I lived or died honestly. Drugs where worth dying for. I had no plans for my future because I didn’t see one; I pictured me dead by 30. This year it’s been difficult not just for addicts but everyone I still struggle but life is hard it always will have downs it’s just how you handle those down times and who you surround yourself with and letting your pride go and asking the people who love you unconditionally to be strong when you aren’t. I won’t ever say addiction is easy to overcome because I’m still learning but it will never be as difficult as the life I lived in active addiction. If I can do this and thousands of others across the world you can too if you don’t believe you can that’s ok I didn’t either but try, try, and try again it’s worth it because to me and everyone who loves you thinks you’re worth it too! One step at a time.....
So a lot has changed in my life over these last two years. I’ve had close friends die at a month in my sobriety I wanted to give up and use to numb the hurt the pain even for a minute I lost another close friend three months ago. It never gets easier when you lose someone close but the reality is if I choose to numb my pain of losing them I could be next and I want to honor them live for them because they no longer can. I’ve got my friends trust and families trust it’s not 100% and it never will be my mom still calls me to ask where I’m at and I hear her voice Shake are you coming home...where are you...? And my heart shatters but I did that to her I MADE her worry during my drug use and now I must give her reassurance for as long as it takes truth is it will be until her last breathe. But I’ve grown into someone I’m proud of I can look at myself without crying. I have friends that truly care about me and check on me. I have the things I’ve craved to have when I was consumed by drugs. Everyday isn’t rainbows and sunshine but my worst day sober has been better than any day I’ve used. Here’s to many many more years sober! I want to give addicts hope I was using H, Xanax, alcohol,coke; and have found sobriety it’s the hardest thing I’ve done but if you chase your sobriety like you chase your high trust me you too CAN achieve sobriety