#no they’re not…………..that’s the point of the goddamn episode that they’re not…………………..but I’m not looking at it

[godsprettiestprincess]

.👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨.

#where’s that post about ignoring things you would unfollow other people for because it’s ur mutuals #that’s me with ‘salmondean r canonical soulmates’ posting #no they’re not…………..that’s the point of the goddamn episode that they’re not…………………..but I’m not looking at it #I don’t see it #make ur silly little posts friends

[misty-caligula]

Okay this is gonna be long, but I’ve got a lot of ground to cover so please bear with me. In a real way, this is my series thesis.

I’ve said before, many times now (like a cycle) that for me the most important scene is ep 1 act 1 scene 1. There’s something There that I have been struggling to see clearly, struggling to articulate, and s2e9 really finally gave me the last pieces for it.

I think that Pit Girl is the point of the entire story. But not in the way that I thought going in. I feel like I’m rambling, so I’m going to try to structure my thoughts.

Imagine you’re a new viewer. You haven’t watched yj start to finish 30 times, you’ve never even buzzed before. You turn on the tv and the FIRST thing that happens is you see ... brutality. A half dressed girl chased through the freezing woods, murdered without a chance. They drag her through the snow, string her up, pour her blood on the ground. Hack her into unrecognisable chunks. Sit around in scary outfits and rip at her, with a huge focus on the teeth, as horror music plays. Then, Misty takes off her mask, puts on her glasses, and does the worst possible thing. She smiles. Directly at you.

Again, forget everything you know and go on vibes. You’re seeing the teens pre-crash, and you’re seeing them in the third timeline, fully formed, with horror motifs and covered in fur. You’d be mistaken for thinking that you were seeing start and end. Except that... we know, and you know, that Pit Girl is the middle. These monsters somehow came back from this. How? When they’re so so so far gone?

Hence the show. I know I’m not breaking new ground here, but bear with me. I’m going somewhere.

(Edit: Readmore added because honestly, LONG post)

You’d be forgiven, fresh-faced new viewer, for thinking you were watching some kind of gross-out slasher. But what happens in S1? Restraint. Laura Lee, the first non-crash victim dies at the end of episode eight. Jackie end of ep 10. (For the sake of this thesis we’re going to be almost exclusively focused on the teens.)

And yet there’s this tonal shift, It’s like ... inevitability. Like watching a crack in a window that’s very slowly spreading. Everything is steadily Getting Worse. The weather is slowly getting colder, the days are getting darker, food’s getting scarcer, life is getting harder. But so much of this difficulty is coming from external events and pressure. Yes, cracks start to show in the internal relationship dynamics, of course, but if food was plentiful, if shrooms were less so, if the weather were better, then they could probably work out a very long term stable situation. Sadly for them, things are not stable, and the pressure is building.

Then Jackie dies and the glass gets a really big break.

It’s worth mentioning at this moment that Jackie at any time could’ve come the fuck inside. Safety and warmth and even love were available to her. All it would’ve required was for her not to be the centre of the world. To make actual goddamn concessions and join the team. Which is why she couldn’t possibly make that choice, because she had to be invited, she had to be apologised to, she had to be accommodated. She couldn’t see the rest of the ‘jackets as being people who just like her were in a really shitty situation. She saw them as being external, as being in cahoots against her, as being part of some Thing that she wasn’t in on. She couldn’t let go of the society they’d left, and she preferred to die. Which sure is a choice...

Keep all of that in mind though. We’re taught to blame Shauna for Jackie’s choices. Let’s stop with that. Jackie chose not to assimilate, she looked around the cabin at the team eating the bear and praying to the wilderness and instead of just paying lip service to fit in, like Tai, she decided to put her foot down and make a Thing of it. She decided that being Right was more important than being Included.

Seriously, keep that in mind, we’re coming back to it. Cycles, you know...

Season 2, everyone’s hungry and hey we have this spare Jackie lying around. And we joke like “ha, you gonna eat that?” Only...

No. They WEREN’T going to eat her.

Really think about that for a second. They put her in the meat shed. With the bear. Think about what that does, psychologically. Linguistically. The meat shed is made to store food. The bear has a word: carcass. Day after day after week after month they carve progressively more pathetic chunks from it, subsisting on what little it offers. In the EXACT same room, sitting right there is Jackie. Her body has a different name. Corpse. With many different connotations. At NO point does ANY of them raise the fact that they’ve taken their friend and added her to their meat stockpile.

Because they haven’t. Instead, they’ve added a new sub-room. The meat shed is now also a morgue. And nobody ever once had to say it. They got it. We got it. You got it. And while they starved and their bodies BEGGED for food, Jackie’s corpse lay there, frozen and fresh, and stubbornly refused to become a carcass, because they wouldn’t let it. They knew that there were more important things than meat, even when they were starving.

The bacchanal was a mistake. A literal error. It simply wasn’t planned, wasn’t meant to go down that way. Maybe if they HAD considered that route earlier and had a discussion about it they’d have been prepared, psychologically, maybe if they weren’t so starved. Who knows. But in the middle of the night they were offered a way out, and they took it.

But Shauna took it first.

Even in their state, even faced with an ideal roasted feast infront of them, they waited until Shauna said it was okay. Because Jackie was Shauna’s friend, and they knew that she was still a person. That this was still a corpse first. It was Shauna who was able to give them permission to survive. To turn a friend into a meal. It was not their place to take that step. To shoulder that guilt. So Shauna did it for them.

The next day they’re devastated. The heavy reality sets in, now the hunger is settled. And Jackie’s carcass is far too real, they can’t change her back into a corpse. Nat tries, bless her heart. But Tai’s screaming reaction at having eaten Jackie’s face is only an externalisation of the grief and horror and agony they’re all going through.

And after Jackie they starve again. Hope and heat and light dwindles further. Every single day they all take another step towards death. That’s what starvation is, it’s the same thing as dying, you die a little bit every day until you can’t die anymore.

Kristen falls. Misty doesn’t even consider that she might bring her back as meat. If she had’ve, she might think, maybe she’d be considered like ... heroic. It doesn’t even occur to her. She’s not going to LET those bitches eat her one and only friend, and she goes out of her way to protect her.

Shauna has her horror show birth. And, no matter WHAT the context is, she produces.... meat. In the most awful, brutal way. And while the fandom made so many jokes and stuff, the reality is that yes... at least to an extent there was real nutrients there. And it was never once even brought up as an option, by these desperate, starving girls. 

When Coach tries to kill himself, here’s a ready source of willing meat. And Misty uses it as a threat to stop him. But it’s hollow, she’s just putting on fake fangs to try to keep him safe. She’s not actually that vicious thing that she’s pretending to be, just like she’s not actually homophobic.

When Lottie tells Misty to eat her if she dies, Misty fights her on it. Lottie has to insist. Then when she tells the rest of the team, they are so overwhelmed with the selflessness of the gesture that it inspires them to twist it into their first hunt. That’s what it takes. The hunt is an act of self-sacrifice and love.

And so we get to the hunt. The proto-pit-girl, we’ve come full circle and we start to learn all these answers to questions posed in act 1 scene 1. And they’re not the answers that were assumed.

How do they get to the point of eating each other? They sacrifice themselves willingly, for the sake of each other’s survival.

Why do they hunt the way they do? Because Shauna just can’t stand to murder a friend in cold blood, a friend she cares for and has no reason to hate.

Why the spike pit? Because it keeps the blood off their hands. Because it lets them blame It and preserve a tiny fragment of their innocence.

Why the weird symbols? The ritual itself? Because they need SOMETHING to hold onto, to make it all make sense.

Why so brutal? Is it? We THINK it’s brutal. It’s certainly bloody. But Pit Girl dies almost instantly. Her pain is over fast. She doesn’t have a good time going into it, obviously, none of them want to die. But she chose to run, she could’ve taken the knife instead. And the spike trap was efficient. Yes they drag her through the snow and string her up, but it’s mechanical and just part of the process and she’s dead already. Her pain is over fast, it’s not sadistic.

Why do they chop her up into chunks like that? Because nobody wants to eat her face. Because nobody wants to struggle with her humanity, they want her to look just like any other meat. So that they might be having deer or bear or ... friend. They’re eating because they are biological machines that need to eat, that NEED death to survive. They didn’t ask to be made the way they are, and they’re doing their best to cope. Shauna, probably blindly, takes on that responsibility, to transform their friend into unrecognisable meat to change a corpse into a carcass. She takes that pain for them, holds that sin for them, out of love. So they can eat, so they can survive.

What’s with the creepy horror masks? During the ritual they can’t handle being themselves. They create alternate versions of themselves to hold what must be done. The masks aren’t there to scare anyone, because there IS NO AUDIENCE. The masks are there to hide behind. That’s why Misty takes hers off at the end of the scene. The ritual is over and they can go back to being people again.

Why is Misty fucking Quigley in charge? Because she CAN be. Because she’s strong enough. If Lott/Nat/The AQ is the goddess/queen, Misty is the priestess/handmaiden, tasked with actually carrying out her orders. She interprets the queens words when she’s too weak, she provides counsel when she needs it, she tells the team what they need to hear in the moment, she gives out the micromanagement. Misty’s the power behind the throne, because when she says she’ll do something she fucking follows through. No matter the cost. And what the team NEEDS, whether they choose to admit it or not, is a backbone.

So...

They bring home Javi. The music uses a reference that’s never been done before. It uses the spiritual powerballad that was playing when Laura Lee tried to fly away. It builds the expectation of Great Things, of big, potent ...

And then it just stops. As the girls are faced with the reality of what’s laying on the table. The cold, blue corpse of a soft child who never hurt anyone. No matter what they do, no matter how hard they try they just cannot make him a carcass. But they have made the choice already, and if they turn back now it’s not like it’ll bring him back. They’ll just be starving and regretful as he rots.

So Shauna, blind and shaking, does the best she can. And when she brings in the meat, she - of all people - understands EXACTLY what Travis is going through. She knows what he needs. Because she’s been here. With Jackie. So she brings him Javi’s heart. His core. His love. His soul.

(She doesn’t bring him Javi’s head. She cuts that off and puts it aside so nobody has to eat his face... Some things are worth more than pure nutritional survival.)

And Travis, god bless him, does the only thing he can do left to respect Javi. He takes his heart, and he bites it, raw and bloody.

It hurts him to do so. It disgusts him so much, but he manages not to throw up. It disgusts the girls too, but they watch on, horrified. And that’s the POINT. Travis makes sure that before they do this, before they do what they have to... that they all remember this is Javi, this is human, this is a person. And he preserves the horror. For all their sakes. And only then, after he’s given his blessing, after he’s done his human acts, do these starving, ravenous girls allow themselves to reach for their food.

S1E1. Act 1, scene 1. We do not know who Pit Girl is. We do not know the exact circumstances that get us there. But we do know where we started now. What the original meaning is behind each of these little things. And it’s not brutality, not barbarism. It’s love. It’s not lord of the flies, a bunch of monstrous human-shaped creatures giving in to their primal nature and predating on each other. It’s a team of terrified people desperately clutching at their own humanity as hard as they can. Trying SO hard not to let that glass break, to not become the thing that the framing of act 1 scene 1 tried so VERY hard to convince us they were. Context changes everything.

And the proof is in the pudding. After they eat Jackie the shock explodes throughout the cabin. The atmosphere is thick, and horrific. Now with Javi, reduced to simple meat, carefully and lovingly seperated from what made him human, so they can grieve him while they sate their natural needs, the mood post-eating is calm and soft and warm and loving. For once they’re all together,  with grateful full stomachs and in a time of peace and plenty. They’ve done the impossible and maintained their humanity and love for each other and their respect for Javi in a nearly impossible situation.

*takes a deep breath*

Which brings us to THIS asshole.

Right from the start, Jackie is only kind of part of the team. She’s the team captain, put up there by Coach Martinez, but not because she’s the best of them but because she can maybe wrangle them into doing better. And they KNOW that she’s not really one of them. They plot around her, and just don’t bring her in on it. They put up with her, more than loving her, she’s just kind of forced upon them. But she does her best, to try to maintain some semblance of order, giving pep talks and the like.

Wait, Jackie? I mean coach. My bad.

Anyway, so Jackie has one friend, Shauna. She SEEMS popular, and everyone talks to her, but Shauna’s the only one who actually likes her. And Shauna’s her connection point to the team. She’s got one foot on each side, and is torn as to where her real loyalties lie.

Sorry I’m talking about Jackie again.... weird.

In S1E9/10 Shauna finally chooses the team, for real. And Jackie tries to pull her back away, but Shauna puts her foot down. No way, she counters, I’m ON the team, you’re the odd one out. Why don’t YOU leave, Jackie? Jackie looks around at the burgeoning cult, she thinks “Look at these evil monstrous bitches, and now Shauna’s one of them TOO?” And instead of finding a compromise, instead of doing introspection, instead of anything like that, Jackie goes and freezes to death because it turns out that sheer rage won’t keep you warm in sub zero temperatures. Because no matter what happens, Jackie’s Right and it’s more important to her to be Right than Included. If she’s not in charge than why is she even THERE?

Hold on, I see my mistake. Let me backtrack.

Right from the start, Coach is only kind of part of the team. He’s trying to hide from his real life, from Paul and the complexities of being genuine in society by taking on the job of coaching the ‘jackets. And they KNOW that he’s not really one of them. He’s just the guy they have to listen to, because society put him there. But he tries his best, giving pep talks and the like.

So Coach has one friend, Natalie. He SEEMS popular, and everyone talks to him, but Nat’s the only one who actually likes him. (Ignore Misty, a schoolgirl comphet crush is not the same thing). And Nat’s his connection point to the team. She’s got one foot on each side, and is torn to where her real loyalties lie. Sometimes she’s on the bench with Coach, complaining about the state of things. Sometimes she’s in the thick of it with them all, and Coach is nowhere to be found.

In S2E9, Nat finally chooses the team, for real. And Coach tries to pull her back, but Nat puts her foot down. No way, she counters, I’m ON the team, I’m worse than them, you’re the odd one out. Go, save yourself, you don’t belong in this place. Coach looks at a table covered in blood and gore, at Nat’s face, at the rest of the team pledging fealty to her. And instead of looking for context, or looking for compromise, or even remotely trying to understand what he’s looking at he thinks

Look at these evil monstrous bitches. They’re eating each other. They’ve all gone mad. They’ve even gotten Nat now. There’s no hope for them, there’s no hope for anyone out here.

And he decides that they’re corrupt. That the way you deal with that is fire. And he’s wrong.

(I have a theory that he’s gone and jumped off the cliff, that he set the fire to clear the corruption, and now like Jackie, unable to live in this situation any longer, he’s decided to die himself. I’d not be surprised to find him in s3e1 that way)

Jackie was a frustrating, difficult person. Because no matter how things went she just COULDN’T let go of the fact that she was trying to fit a mold that just didn’t suit her. She was raised with super high expectations, when she was really just kind of mid. And that’s fine, honestly, most people ARE mid, that’s why it’s mid. But she refused to see that those around her were shedding their social pressures, were adapting to the wilderness. They weren’t having a good time, they weren’t hunting and foraging because they were out there, camping for fun. Nobody wanted to be there. They were just trying not to complain about it, because they were all in the same boat.

Coach is similar. He simply won’t adapt. Refuses to. I mean this is a guy who’s STILL trying to live in the closet when there’s open lesbians making out in public around him. Who thinks of others as inherently monstrous when he himself, as a gay man, should know better. Because that’s what trying to fit your society-assigned role does to you.

It’s no accident that he and Jackie both spend a long time in the woods and neither of them can do something as basic as start a fucking campfire. Javi, a little kid, survived for MONTHS on his own in that cave. Coach couldn’t make it a day alone. Jackie couldn’t get through a night. They both rely so heavily on the team without ever once recognising it. Because SOMEONE was keeping the fires going. They both just ... refused to engage.

And just like Jackie can’t see that they’re not having fun out there in the woods, on the knifes edge of survival, Coach can’t see that they’re not having fun when they are so desperate they feel it’s warranted to sacrifice one of their own. He always thought of them as monsters, and he just sees what he expects to: a bunch of stupid useless teenage girls, finally doing what he always expected they would.

At any point... At ANY point he could’ve come in from the cold. He could’ve just accepted reality as they have. He could’ve taken some meat and accepted the price, as they have, joined them in their GRIEF about it, shared their humanity, and survived. Just as Jackie could’ve come in from the cold, and become part of the whole. But instead, they sit in the cold, consumed by their bitter hate, and decide that no, it’s everyone ELSE who’s wrong.

And who emerges from the burning cabin? A bunch of scared kids. Shauna, the FIRST cannibal, who saves Jackie’s prom dress before anything else. Travis, who grabs Javi’s wolf. Nat who grabs the ammunition - that they NEVER use on each other - because if they lost that they’d get SERIOUSLY desperate. And they protect each other, they make sure everyone makes it out. These supposed monsters who are so far gone they don’t even care about eating each other go out of their way to save each other, not just themselves.

Because Coach is wrong. Just like Jackie was wrong. Just like WE were wrong, in s1e1. Which brings me to my actual point.

This question is asked so many times in S1 it’s almost a mantra. And the ‘jackets’ oath of silence really builds up that it must’ve been something REALLY bad, right? But S2E9 has really made me recognise that fundamentally... Act 1 Scene 1 is entirely what everyone who asks this question is expecting.

Imagine they DID know what really happened out there. With that bloodthirsty fucking look in their eyes...

They’re not looking for an answer. They’re looking for a story. For an exciting spooky nightmare they didn’t take part in, so they can get a shiver and a thrill they didn’t earn.

They’re not looking for a love story. They’re not looking to hear how HARD these scared, tragic, broken people fought to hold onto their morals and their humanity and their sanity even against their own survival. They’re not interested in Shauna blinding herself just to try to stop her hands from shaking. They’re not looking to hear about Travis choking down the blood of his brother just to make sure that he can really FEEL it. So he can share the guilt, and never ever pretend like it’s Just Meat. The look in his eye when he can’t think of any good response to Van’s arguments that he needs to let Javi save him. What they want is...

They don’t want the context. And if the ‘jackets ever did try to tell anybody what actually DID happen out there, all they would see is ... Episode 1, Act 1, Scene 1. A bunch of monsters. Eating each other. Just like Jackie. Just like Coach. Just like we did, on first glance.

I’ve been saying this whole time that Yellowjackets is doing something really special. That it’s letting us see behind the curtain, that while everyone’s asking this big question, “what really happened?”, we’re the ones who get to know. Because it can’t be told. It can’t be spoken. It can only be seen. Experienced. I think that S2 has finally finished the first major arc in the teen timeline, that we now have the context to understand what comes next. And I do believe that it will get messy, it will devolve. Into fighting and screaming and battles. It’s tragic, but it looks like that’s the downward spiral, spiraling. As Travis and Nat deal with the guilt of what they did with Javi for each other. As Shauna and Nat butt heads and people pick sides. As Misty Mistys. As resources get even more desperate now their shelter is gone. As potentially new people (hikers? other cabin people?) get brought into conflict with them (I believe the cabin is a smoke signal, personally).

But don’t ever forget that we got here with love. Expect that the downward spiral will be lubricated with toxic, broken, codependant, self-destructive love as well. Watch them love each other to death... they’ve already begun.

#yellowjackets #spoilers #theories #Long post #no really long post

[bu-blegh-ost]

A short essay about how Caspian is mathematically not a mole (ep. 115 spoilers) (and for the whole series for that matter)

Okay, alright guys, I saw your concerns. I saw it all, and you are right to be worried that your favourite blue wet man's blue and equally wet best friend may turn out to be a traitor. And so am I, trust me. Which is why I went through every single bit of Caspian's past I could dig out to create an unltimate timeline of his entire goddamn life to see it it'd be plausible for him to become a mole at any point in time and ultimately prove his innocence! If that's something you're interested in reading, then buckle up!

"Jay, you come from a division of soliders that were purposely put to infiltrate pirate crews, especially the new and upcoming ones. This is totally seperate from the Black-Ops situation that you learned about in the Stronghold. And you, in this book, can tell that there is a plant on Lizzie's crew."

This, of course is something I need to point out first. Whoever Lizzie's mole might be, they are not a doppelganger. They are not a clone, or Black-Ops, just a solider of the Navy, a person that must have gotten into the Navy via regular recruitment, be trained by them and then put into a spy division. Jay ofc had this entire process sped up, due to her grandma's influence, but no one other than her, especially an Undersea citizen, who would probably have to put in extra effort to be trusted given their shaky political situation few years back, would get the same treatment. What I'm trying to say, Caspian would need time, at least few years of training to become a mole they'd trust to infiltrate a crew, and not just any crew might I add. More on that later. Let's go back to his most early years for now. This is a fragment of episode 84 in which Caspian talks to Gillion abt his early life:

C: We all have family. I consider my life up here, this crew to be my found family. But my previous…tribe with the water genasi in the Undersea, where I was growing up…sort of in a [illegible]... remember me telling you about the outskirts? We um…was very nomadic, quite a, quite a peaceful, tranquil life, but it was always, you know…mixed with this life of poverty and my family wasn’t very…wouldn’t really have much but the water around us, and each other, I suppose, so uh…You know...I mean my mother didn’t make it past old age, and uh…

G: I’m sorry…

C: When my sister left the tribe, my father sort of fell into a depression of sorts and he stopped moving around. And when we stayed in one place, I was 18 or so, maybe 16, it was a while ago, and then…that’s when I left as well. Ventured to the Oversea, and um…and it’s history, so that’s my family. Not sure what they’re up to these days, I mean…I know my sister went to the capital, where you were.

G: Pirating is a pretty lucrative business, maybe if…we managed to find them or run into them, we can give something back, put them in a better situation.

C: …Well um…I mean this was 10-15, 10 to 12 to 15 years ago, quite some, quite some time, so I don’t even know if my father is alive still, I mean I don’t really have the desire to go back to the undersea, Gill.

G: Wha-why not?

C: Because I like my life up here. This is where I’m happy.

So, before we go to what all of that entails, one more quick crazy thing to mention: so, Caspian's sister is an Elder of the Undersea. Like for sure. This is confirmed by this part from ep. 79:

The Triton who you remember as the Elder Odolaf, who looks like he is about to speak, but is cut off by the water genasi, who has been doing a lot of talking thus far, who is Elder Celeste. They stand up and there is a familiarity that you notice now in their face. It’s like you have met them before, but not in the way that you know them because they are the Elder, but in a way that it’s like, they look like somebody you know. And she has sort of these uh, white tied-up like dreads that are tied up in like a bun and they come across the face and then one side is shaved. And there are beads and piercings in her hair, her ears are a little bit more sea elf-like in the way that they are pointed and they kind of like gradient into pink. They all kind of wear the same sort of ornate robes, though hers is more, I guess faded and like cut a bit, look a bit more warriorous, or like tribal, but still very well-made and professional.

Tribal clothing, a water genasi, that looks like someone Gillion saw before in the face. The only water genasi Gillion met after leaving the Undersea is Caspian. Elder Celeste is Caspian's sister. Wild. Anyway, not what we're here for, but I needed to mention that.

The crazier thing is that Caspian left to Oversea when he was 16-18, and it has been 10-15 years since then. That means Caspian is currently 26 at possible youngest, and 33 at his oldest, which was surprising to me, I did not imagine Caspian as a man in his 30s! But that's straight up facts, so holy shit, you know?

Okay, so I'm going to list a lot of small facts that determine a lot of ages in quick succession. I hope it's not gonna be too scary to look at, I'll simplify it all at the end. [Deep inhale]

Right now Gillion is 22. So when Caspian left the Undersea, Gillion was 12-7. Jay is 21 and Ava was 2 years older, same age as Lizzie. So Lizzie is 23 now. When Caspian left the Undersea, she was 13-8. Chip is 19, so Lizzie is 4 years older. Hole in the Sea happened when Chip was 9, so Lizzie was 13. So Caspian left the Undersea around the same time Lizzie crashed on the uninhabited island with Chey after the Hole.

It's a lot, I know, I know. So let me clear this up a little.

Hole in the sea was 10 years ago. Chip was 9, Lizzie was 13. 10 years ago Caspian was in the age between 16 and 23, and he left the Undersea when he was 16 or 18. So roughly at the same time the Black Sea happened, Caspian came to the surface for the first time.

(also pls note that we are talking in estimates, casue in ep. 36 Lizzie says she was 11 when the hole happened, but in ep. 101 she says she was the same age as Ava which by the power of math would put her at 13. Either way, somewhere around that age)

After that, Lizzie spend some time on an uninhabited island with Chey, the Black Rose cook, who sacrificed herself for Liz, so she could survive and died shortly after. We do not know how much time passed, but I assume no longer than few months, and after that she was saved by Captain Shadowbeard where she met Caspian. They were a part of Shadowbeard's crew, Caspian saved her from the massacre where Shadowbeard was killed, and then Lizzie went on to create her own crew, Grandberry Pirates with Caspian never leaving her for a second since he met her. That means that the only time Caspian could have joined the Navy would be RIGHT after he came to the Oversea for the first time, roughly at the same time Lizzie was stranded on an island, and in that short period of time (between Lizzie's crash on the island and her being found by Shadowbeard) he would have to find the time to be trusted and accepted by Navy, get trained specifically for infiltration AND infiltrate not anyones BUT FUCKING SHADOWBEARD'S SHIP. Not a NEW crew. A crew of one of the most legendary pirates on the sea. Cause before Lizzie, Caspian was Sadowbeard's crew member, and since then he never stopped being a pirate, so if he was a solider, he would have had to be one before Shadowbeard. And remeber what Grizzly said in 115: "Jay, you come from a division of soliders that were purposely put to infiltrate pirate crews, especially the new and upcoming ones."

Shadowbeard was not new. Not upcoming. He was dangerous and Navy must have had the balls of steal to send a rookie solider, which Caspian would have been at that point in time, to infiltrate him. The numbers say it's impossible. Guys, the numbers! They don't add up!

Anyway, so basically Caspian could not be a mole. He is not a new pirate, he was not a member of a fresh crew, becaue his pirate journey did not start with Lizzy, it started with Shadowbeard. Grandberry Pirates is a new crew, but Caspian is not a newbie in it. You know who is? Rudith. I mean what kind of doctor lets a bunch of rowdy pirates have a secret base under a place where sick and vulnerable rest??? Like ANY other place would have been better and more respectful! Also you know what's interesting? Gillion could heal these people with lay on hands easily, and yet the only thing Rudith did for them was give them potions that didn't seem to help and look after them on purely non-medical level. Bro didn't do shit. Like, why would you even become a doctor without having access to healing magic? The answer, you are not. You are a Navy solider in disguise.

Okay, okay, I'm done, that's all. If you got this far, you are a hero, thank you for reading this insanely long ramble, but that's kind of the conclusions that I came to, of course, any counter-theories and discussion in general is very much welcome! I'd love to hear your opinions! Love you guys, bye~

#jrwi riptide #just roll with it #jrwi #gillion jrwi #gillion tidestrider #caspian jrwi #jrwi caspian #elizabeth lafayette #lizzie jrwi #riptide spoilers #spoilers #jrwi spoilers

[dearausten]

just rewatched pride and prejudice 1995 and i loved it, even more than before! here are some thoughts:

- the best thing about this adaptation is, to me, the performance of jennifer ehle as elizabeth. honestly, she nails everything about her character, in my opinion. from lizzy’s wit and sense of humor to her firm resolution in rejecting darcy the first time and dealing with lady catherine, while also displaying all her conflictimg emotions not only during the whole wickham affair, but also when she found herself longing for darcy’s good opinion (who knows why!). she was absolutely charming and one can’t help but root for her.

- this might be obvious, but i love how it is pretty much the same as the book! it’s very clear that having six episodes worth of screen time instead of two hours as you get in movies played in their favor.

- i love the bennets! i love seeing the sisters interact! i love seeing them in their daily lives and watching their dynamics. i also think they got almost all of the characterizations perfectly. lydia, kitty, mary and mrs. bennet were all on point! however i do feel like they toned down mr. bennet’s flaws and only focused on the funny/sarcastic side of his character. other than that, i liked him too :)

- i’ve seen many people who don’t like this mr. collins but honestly i really enjoyed him. he was ridiculous and absurd, and he annoyed the fuck out of everyone, which is accurate lol. i do wish they’d made him age appropriate bc... that man is not 25 lol. anyways, i actually thought this collins was more accurate than 2005!collins.

- oh, caroline, you sneaky thing! i have nothing to say about her, really. i think she was portrayed very accurately as well. and they included the hursts!

- mr. bingley was good too! love me some golden retriever energy

- and, of course, how could i not talk about colin firth as darcy! he was DISGUSTED to be around common gentry people. he looked like he’d rather hang himself from the ceiling than be in those goddamn social gatherings for one more minute. he was so displeased with everyone and clearly thought they were nothing but a pain in his ass, and i love that lol.

- but OH MY he’s a simp! he can’t stop staring at elizabeth for the life of him. istg he is so fascinated by her. that scene at rosings when lizzy is talking to colonel fitzwilliam and darcy just stared at them while she roasts the fuck out of him????? top tier

- one thing i adored about his performance was just how miserable he looks when she isn’t around! and mind you, this is DARCY we’re talking about.

- the lake scene was great, but CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT LOOK THEY GAVE EACH OTHER IN THAT ONE SCENE???? YES, THAT LOOK. YALL KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. IT MAKES ME WEAKKK

- the ONLY note that i have is that i wish he smiled more, especially when they meet after the letter (but before that too)

- honestly the only bad thing i have to say about this adaptation is that the second proposal felt a little... underwhelming. it’s supposed to be this big emotional moment why do they look like they’re talking about the weather 😭

my conclusion: i’ve worshipped 2005 since the first time i watched but i feel like i’ve just become a 1995 stan, it was just so so good and so faithful to the book. and yes, i finished it two days ago. yes, i’ll be rewatching today.

#jane austen #pride and prejudice #p&p 1995 #i am now a 1995 truther i fear #that is until i rewatch 2005 and become a mess #and the cycle goes on and and on

[clearancecreedwatersurvival]

But Caitie, why are you so pressed about bad faith criticism from book fans about the wheel of time show? Great question I’m glad you asked.

From what I have observed book fans who are saying that it’s a bad adaptation and not worth watching have criticisms that usually boil down to one or all of these three objections.

1. They’re spending time in the show on characters who aren’t the ta’veren boys/Rand

2. Any changes have been made at all in order to adapt the story to film

3. There are too many queer characters and actors of color

All three of these talking points became a common refrain during season one, largely driven by the hilariously un-self aware manpilled alt-right shitheads in the /r/whitecloaks subreddit which got shut down for harassing other subreddits in 2022. It should be obvious that a lot of the motivation there was a misogynistic and racist misreading of a deliberately feminist and multicultural book series. If you think RJ would find this diverse show full of badass and well fleshed out women a poor adaptation of his work you are kidding yourself.

And regarding the other less obviously white supremacist complaints: Rand is not the only important character. Anyone who has read past like book two should be well aware that every main character’s point of view is important to the overall narrative. There are only 8 seasons in which to get through all of those main characters’ arcs. Of course they are starting them all now. Are the boys getting less screen time than they get pov chapters early in the books? Sure. This is necessary because once again, the ta’veren boys are Not the only characters that matter. I don’t know why people are so surprised that ALL of the main characters of a book series with over a dozen recurring pov characters are going to have character arcs.

And again if you’re just mad that it’s more queer and polyamorous. Fuck off.

There are valid criticisms to be made about this show if you engage with the show in good faith and judge it by its own merit instead of just comparing it scene by scene to the books. For instance I think it’s fairly obvious that the first season suffered as a result of late stage rewrites made to account for a shortened episode count, and Perrin’s arc in particular was off to a rough start.

But in season 2 I think they are doing a lot of things right, and the change of speeding up his acceptance of his wolfkin powers is a Very good one I think.

And the rest of this season rules to be totally honest. All of the Moiraine and Lan stuff is Great and really sets up for later events so well. And I am enjoying Everything about how the show is handling the Forsaken so far. Episode 4 was my favorite yet, Lanfear is fucking Perfect. This season is absolutely nailing character beats for all the most important characters, and doing excellent character work around the major themes of the book series and setting up for future key events. Every scene with any of the Aes Sedai is my favorite. And some things have been markedly improved by the show over the books. I cannot get over how good the team up of Mat and Min is so far. And the normalization of polyamory in the culture of randland is Brilliant for the long term series.

If this show gets cancelled because so many of the book fans refuse to even try to engage with it for what it is instead of what isn’t, it will be a goddamn tragedy. And if you’re just really disappointed that you can’t as easily skip the scenes with the girls the way you skipped the POV chapters of all the women when reading the books then please take a big step back and ask yourself if unchecked misogyny is a good look in 2023.

#still so fucking funny tbh that a bunch of neo fascists were like ‘we identify with the white cloaks and that’s a good thing actually’ #i do not think they understand the books they were so passionate about #wheel of time #wot show #wot on prime #wot #unreasonably attractive fandom #caitie speaks #wot show spoilers #a fan of a feminist book series: there are too many girls in this show

[tickle-bugs]

Stupid in Love

Summary: Nick Miller is completely, 100% normal about all things Jessica Day. Including her smile, her laugh--ah, fuck. He's doomed. NickJess ft. pining!Nick

Anon: I just saw you write for New Girl! I am in my yearly rewatch of the show so I am so happy you write for it! Maybe the loft gang and CeCe can be playing a game of true American and somehow during the game it comes out that Jess is incredibly ticklish. Everyone is too focused on the game to use it to their advantage at the moment, but nick remembers and maybe later when him and Jess are together, he decided to test his new found knowledge and see just how ticklish Jess really is.

While this isn’t set during a particular episode, I was thinking HEAVILY about s2 ep15, Cooler. One of the greatest episodes of the whole show, hands down. I just wanted to write pining Nick tbh.

True American is the best goddamn game ever invented. It defines a man at his core level. Everything that’s ever mattered to Nick is on the line in this game. His dignity, his pride, his dignity…

He honestly can’t remember what they’re playing for. Something involving the sink. Or a drink? Unclear, but irrelevant. Nick is the king of an aluminum can palace and his citizens will thrive under his leadership. This is his birthright. 

They’re playing True American: Catan Edition tonight. Each player defends their own small nations and attempts to crush the others, throwing their leaders to the molten lava below. It’s the smartest thing Winston’s ever come up with. 

“Duel for my amusement,” Nick slurs, waving his paper towel roll scepter around. The cardboard crown on his head slips down over his eyes. Cece blows a raspberry at him. He lobs a balled-up piece of paper at her. 

Jess plays a fanfare into her backup kazoo—Schmidt threw away her main one—and draws angry eyebrows onto the smiley face of her country’s flag. A declaration of war. 

Sober Jess is all for political progress and human rights, but Drunk Jess? Maniacal, power-hungry, and so very hot.

Focus, Miller. 

“Two, four, six, eight! Who do we appreciate?” Jess climbs onto one of the kitchen chairs and puts a colander on her head. A warrior’s helm. Nick smiles at her. 

In their corner of the living room, Winston and Schmidt whisper furiously. At some point in the last hour, Winston had ascended to Grand Advisor of Schmidt’s Creek. Schmidt had lost the ability to speak after can number two, when Cece had flirted him out of all of his natural resources and a third of his land. Nick had been trying to think of how to poach Winston to Nicklandia, but he couldn’t think of a plan that didn’t involve saying ‘please’ until he passed out. 

“Schmidt’s Creek will not challenge today!” Winston crushes his beer can against Schmidt’s forehead. Schmidt doesn’t even blink.

“Ruth Gader Binsburg! I challenge your weird little colony, Jess,” Cece shouts, messily hopping onto the chair next to Jess. They start some combination of swatting at each other and clutching on for dear life. Schmidt looks up at Cece like a drunk, lovesick puppy. Nick rolls his eyes.

Thank god he doesn’t look like that.

Does he look like that?

Shit. He’s missing the game. 

“Yeah? Guess what—” Jess knocks her knuckles against the colander helmet, winces, and then points at Cece— “I’m the Queen of England, bitch.” 

Nick’s not sure what’s elapsed in the apparently three years since he was last paying attention, but he knows by the way that Cece gasps that someone’s dying on the living room and/or kitchen floor tonight. Jess cackles and puts her hands on her hips. They start yelling, but even if they’re saying real human words, which he’s pretty sure they’re not, he’s not processing it. Jess looks so stupid in that little holey hat—someone should invent a word for that thing—and she’s adorable. 

Nick leans his cheek on his palm and smiles wider. Does she know her nose scrunches when she’s annoyed? 

Nick leans a little too far and loses his balance. Half of his aluminum fortress tumbles down. When he looks back up, Jess and Cece haven’t budged. Or blinked. Cece squints at Jess and it’s clear the conversation has ascended to psychic levels that even Drunk Nick can’t access. He tries though. Mostly gives himself a headache. 

Something in their eye conversation must shift, because Cece gets this look on her face. Like pure, concentrated mischief. The aura off of her is so powerful that everyone scoots back a bit. Cece starts stretching and cracking her knuckles. 

“Waitwaitwait, Cece, you don’t have to do this.” Jess holds her hands up in immediate surrender, but she’s smiling hard enough to brighten the room. A little nervous giggle picks up in the back of her throat and she starts to turn pinker than the boxed rosé that forms her section of the living room. 

“Oh, but I do. Surrender. Now.” Cece points to the floor. Which is lava. Cruel way to go. 

Jess looks at her best friend with the kind of profound resignation only possible when piss drunk. She sighs deeply, staring at the floor…

And then launches herself at Cece with a war cry. 

Cece doesn’t even flinch. She catches Jess, smirks, and starts tickling her sides with vicious precision. Jess lets out a giggly shriek and crumples, sinking right down into the lava. The colander tumbles off of her head and rolls into Nick’s fortress. 

The sound worms itself into Nick’s brain, taking up residence alongside all the other little Jess things that drive him nuts. It distracts him hard enough that by the time Winston arises as Supreme Leader of the Loft, Nick can’t even trace the path of his defeat. 

………

Even when sobriety beats them over the head the next morning, Nick can remember nothing but the sweet music of Jess’s laugh. And the shape of her smile. 

God he’s hopeless. 

The slow march of the week brings some relief in the sense that a) Nick remembers that he really doesn’t do the whole ‘feelings’ thing and b) alcohol makes anyone look like an angel walking the earth. He is a grown ass man and Jess is an annoying little craft goblin. He can be normal. She’s normal. No need to get worked up over her.

“You look like Mr. Rogers’s grumpy cousin.” Jess snickers, fiddling with the sleeve of Nick’s hideous cardigan. 

“You done? You finished?” He pulls his sleeve away from her. It’s really Schmidt’s, which she very well knows. Nick’s only wearing it because Schmidt’s being weird about Cece again, and the only way to survive that is to bend to his will. Schmidt’s already dehydrated himself twice this week trying to show off his muscles more, Nick doesn’t want to add to that by making the guy cry. He’d never stop.

Jess, however, doesn’t seem to understand the magnitude of this manly sacrifice. She’s too busy laughing at him. 

“Mmmm, no, I don’t think I am. You look like a Muppet.” She pinches his cheek. He rolls his eyes. 

“Well, that’s just a compliment.” 

“No, no. You look like the bird. The bird with the eyebrows—“ Jess pauses as her giggles overtake her— “You look like Sam the Eagle.” 

Jess folds over into his shoulder with laughter and smacks his chest. The warmth of it almost distracts him from the comment. 

Almost. 

“Yeah, laugh it up, Jess. C’mere—“ He drags her across the couch by the ankle and latches onto her sides. She makes that adorable sound again, that giggly shriek, and flails like a worm on a hook. She tries to push his face away. He swats her hands aside like it’s nothing. When reaches for him again—futile, really—he snatches her wrists in one hand, pins them down, and tickles with the other. 

Her whole face burns. He chooses to ignore it for both of their sakes. 

“Let me know when you’re ready to apologize. Take your time.” He does a little pinchy thing with his fingers and Jess lets out a high-pitched mess of syllables. She throws her head back and cackles, arching up into him. 

“Hmm, yeah, see none of that sounded like ‘You’re the best, Nick Miller’. Try again.” He pokes all over her torso, fast and wild. He lets go of her and adds his other hand into the mix. Every time she tries to talk, he speeds up, making her laugh at his silliness along with his hands. She kicks her legs and lets out a little giggly growl. Nick smiles so wide his cheeks hurt. 

“Nick!” She grabs his wrists but doesn’t stop him. His stomach flips. She’s so overwhelming. 

“That’s my name.” He skitters his fingers up her ribs to distract himself from the lump in his throat. 

Jess flails and nearly takes them both off the couch and into the next life. Nick catches himself before he collapses on top of her, but it puts their faces mere inches apart. The space of a breath. He can see the faint freckles across her nose, all brought forth by the pink flush down her cheeks and neck. As she catches her breath, lips parted, her laughter simmers low in her chest. He brushes her hair out of her face. His hand lingers on her cheek. 

Her eyes crinkle when she smiles. Does she know that? 

Nick gets the deep, burning urge to kiss her senseless. To download all these embarrassing, vulnerable thoughts from his brain to hers. To show her how deep this goes. To drink of her like the wine at restaurants he can never afford. 

No. Not like this. She deserves better than this.

Than him.

He starts to pull away, awkwardly clearing his throat. Jess surges forward and Nick’s stupid little monkey brain gleefully claps its hands together, shouting this is it! It’s happening! Nick’s brain activity screeches to a halt. He stares at her mouth and freezes. 

Jess flips them over and starts tickling his ears like some kind of insane supervillain. 

“No! Jessica!” He turtles and attempts to fling himself to safety. All he accomplishes is hanging off the back of the couch, leaving his knees in reach of Jess’s evil nails—

One day he will be smart about Jessica Day, but he concedes that it won’t be today. But as she destroys him and Schmidt’s stupid, hopefully inexpensive cardigan, he secretly hopes the day never arrives. 

#my fics #new girl #nickjess #ticklish!jess day #jess day #nick miller #not v proud of this one but it was fun attempting nick's inner voice #hope u enjoy new girl anon! thank u for ur patience <3

[t0ast-ghost]

OOOOHHH SOMEONES IN TROUBLE… Episode 21 (Court Martial):

- what… what is a commodore? What does this role mean?

- guys guys guys. Listen. He just got a little too silly

- McCoy doesn’t want Jim getting in ANOTHER bar fight

- Damn only Bones is on Kirk’s side here (and Spock obviously)

- The lawyer has a weirdly similar name to my own and it’s throwing me off

- Spock believing in Kirk so absolutely… goddamn

- WHY IS MCCOY SITTING LIKE THAT. WITH THOSE BOOTS

- I like that they finally brought to notice how awkward all the certificate and award readings are

- IT WAS FLASHING RED LIGHTS FOR THE PAST COUPLE MINUTES OF THE VIDEO. You can see it CLEARLY reflected in hair! The emergency WAS engaged

- forgot I needed subtitles again :(

- Literally just mention chess. They’ll know what to do once you mention chess.

- Classic Bones and Spock fight… just kiss or smt

- Mr lawyer sir, just say that the computer is faulty… lead with that

- “white noise device” that is a microphone

- “Mr Spock eliminate his heartbeat” WHAT

- “beaten and sobbing” Kirk what did you do to him???

- “she’s a very good lawyer” McCoy and Spock just look away.

Episode 22 (The Return Of The Archons):

- Those first couple of lines seem like bad ADR

- WAIT wait wait SULU NO- damn he’s mind controlled …

- THE OUTFITS OH MY-

- Kirk waking up his boyfriends

- “Landru will know, they will come” https://youtu.be/GM1nBnksCoU?si=3D1hdDik9upaU088

- “THIS IS MY BOOM STICK” basically the- the sticks that the- yeah.. EVIL DEAD REFERENCE

- I can’t remember if I’m remembering this right but is Landru an evil computer?

- nap time! They’re just a bit sleepy

-so another being that wants to assimilate.. I sense a theme in these shows…

- “Evidently a maximum security establishment” the walls are rocks, the floors are rocks, there’s space to move around, and torches.. maximum security top ‘o the shelf

- McCoy’s southern accent coming out (maybe I just do not notice it?)

- Kirk and Spock look so sad when Spock concludes he’s become like how they saw Sulu

- Kirk’s little worried outburst and Spock sitting down with McCoy…

- I’d like to submit this image to the press

- Spock’s smug little smirk when he’s pretending to be mind controlled wtf

- “Be wary of Doctor McCoy” McCoy proceeds to stand up behind them and peek over their shoulders

- goddamn McCoy’s eyes can look scary. ‘Specially when he’s pointing and yelling at you

- SPOCK NOT AFRAID TO PUNCH A BITCH

- Spock is so fine in the suit with no jacket… what who said that

- LMAO ITS THE BLOCKY COMPUTER

- Are they gonna paradox kill him? Yeah they’re gonna paradox kill him

- okay great they killed him… where’s McCoy

- “and Mr Sulu is back to normal” then Sulu does a little double arm shrug and it’s amazing

Okay guess we’re leaving that one without any other updates on McCoy… I live in perpetual sorrow

Master post

#Youtube #star trek #star trek the original series #star trek tos #star trek kirk #tos kirk #captain james kirk #star trek spock #tos spock #spock #star trek bones #star trek mccoy #tos bones #tos mccoy #leonard bones mccoy #star trek sulu #tos sulu #hikaru sulu

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

I finally did it yall I made a list of my favorite Cartmanisms bc I do in fact very much enjoy writing his out of pocket ass

“Oh speaking of,” Cartman added, “let’s just sacrifice the Insulin Bitch and the brain damaged hippie to the zaliens so the rest of us can make a run for it.”

Eric was scowling. “Only I’M allowed to make comments about you two gayasses. I say we wipe the floor with those homophobes.”

“I doubt they’ll have a vest in your size, Thumbulimia.”

“Please, I have better things to do than watch the Jew have a Post Traumatic Spider Disorder episode.”

Cartman rolled his eyes, but got up to drop a five in the Fuckwad Jar. “I hate you guys, seriously. Marj, you weren’t even in the room for the Nancy joke.” The lace trim of his robe fluttered as he sat back down, which made Stan laugh again. “What’s so funny, hippie?” There weren’t really words, honestly, but he’d try. “I just… I never want us to change, you know?” “Gay.”

Eric sung a few lines of ‘Jesus Loves The Little Children’ in a creepy horror movie voice and then sprung out from his hiding spot and started blasting on an unsuspecting youth who got too close, chasing him down the field with rarely shown athleticism.

Cartman looked incredibly bored as he clicked the magazine and snapped it back into place. “Well fuck me for being prepared.”

Cartman scoffed. “He’s not doing anything but staring up at you like he’s Sleeping Goddamn Beauty and you just kissed him out of a coma.”

“Awww, looook, you guys! They’re having a gay little hurt/comfort moment again! What, you gonna kiss it better, Kahl?”

Cartman just rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “What the hell ever, Jimothy. Go stutter about it to someone else.”

“Okay, fucking first of all,” Kyle shot a glare at Cartman, “no one’s getting sacrificed. Literally, that’s not goddamn happening. AND we’re keeping this discussion CIVIL. It’s five in the morning and nobody’s slept very much. There’s not a single guy here who’s actually thinking straight.” “That would be because half of you are gay as balls.”

“Once again, I’m moving that we leave the hippie behind.” “Cartman, remind me to kick your ass when we’re out of here.” “Good luck on that if you fucking faint like one of those stupid goats again.”

Cartman was out of bullets, but he’d taken out a good chunk of the extraterrestrial undead. “Holy shit, Kahl, you better not die on us. Cockroach, remember? You’re a damn cockroach.”

“Aight, so anyway, what’s JewBot up to?” “Still at work. He’ll be home later. We’re gonna go out to dinner with the Tuckers.” “I didn’t ask for your life’s story, buttplug,”

“Oh JESUS CHRIST!!” Oh, great. Cartman had emerged from his cave. “Did I just walk into a stairwell orgy?”

“Fuck you, Kahl. Your recycled dildo and his weirdo wingman pulled me out of a Klance slowburn.” “WHO the FUCK is reading Voltron fanfiction in 2023?!” “Some of us are dedicated.”

Eric paused his self imposed quest to rob every taco truck in GTA and set aside his controller. “Hellllll no. The vampires don’t get my blood without paying me for it.”

“Geez, pack it up, Fiddler On The Roof.”

“Fatass, if he dies in a car accident because YOU made him freak, I WILL kill you.” “Good luck doing that with one leg and a fever, fleshlight.” But his voice softened. “Just try to chill out until he gets home, Kahl. Then you can be a terrible patient for someone who actually likes you.”

“Yeah, hippie. I wasn’t going to deal with you if something happened to your burning bush.”

A certain abrasive fuckwad leaned casually against the wall. “Oh, the Bubonic Jew didn’t tell you yet? I said he fell on the stairs, didn’t I? He just hurt his knee again, what else is new.” Stan made a noise of surprise and Cartman pointed his beef jerky at him. “By the way, I really don’t get why you get so stoked about lugging him around. He’s difficult.”

Cartman scurried off to inspect a leaf. “Woah, you guys! I think I just, like, discovered empathy!” “You’re looking at a plant.” “Plants have feelings too, Khal! Look at your photosynthesizing dildo back there!”

“Like he needs an excuse to get on his high horse about shit.” “I’ll kick your fat ass,” Kyle warned. “Good luck, tinkerbell.”

Cartman had planted himself into the passenger seat, munching away at that bag of funyuns. He glanced back. “What’s the ‘sitch, Ken-Possible?”

“Because, you pussy,” Cartman said with a false saccharine smile, “you have the biggest TikTok following from your gayass little songs.

“Yep.” Cartman said through a mouthful of eggs. “Plus, Clyde has an affair going with the town vet, Butters is a total twink, and Stanny boy has a boner for the Jew.”

Oh dear god. Cartman was NOT about to babysit the argumentative dickhole while the housekeeper worked. As much fun as he was to fight with, Kyle was a fierce opponent, and Cartman wasn’t really in the mood. He’d had a weird night. The cats had been on edge.

Oh, of goddamn course. The OTHER buttplug. It wasn’t a secret. Well, technically it was, because no one talked about it, but anyone with eyeballs could see that Stan and Kyle had a gayass little private relationship going on behind Craig’s back. Good for them, or whatever, but if the Spider ever got proof…

Cartman just rolled his eyes. “Scott, you glucose gobbling ass bitch, I’ve literally butchered two people. I know the human body, okay?”

“The fuck.” Cartman’s eyes widened. “Every single one of you dildos had better be praying that there’s no internal bleeding.”

Cartman put his hands up. “Gahdamn, you guys. Just trying to lighten the mood in this hot air balloon to Hell.”

“Ay! Hippie! The Jew had to stay for basketball so I’m here with your buttfucking homework-“

Cartman definitely wanted to rip on him for wallowing in his own sadness, but the sooner he got this loser to be a person again, the better. “No shit, asshole. Your fucking fleshlight is even more intolerable without you to hold him back. You need to come back to school.”

“Also, I’m telling your little prince of Egypt that he can come over. It’s not like he’s gonna catch your Sad Bitch Disease.”

Cartman strolled around the corner, now wearing his frilly ‘widow whose husband died under mysterious circumstances’ robe.

#he’s so fucking funny #i actually love writing my favorite abrasive fuckwad #south park #eric cartman #why are so many of these OJV or from ITTG lmaooo #him in TWITR was fun too #my shit #Cartmanisms #ao3 shit #my writing #he do be callin people buttplugs fleshlights and dildos #also #long live the Fuckwad Jar

[curator-on-ao3]

I never came back from Among the Lotus Eaters

I see now, in hindsight of SNW season two, that Among the Lotus Eaters was a breaking point for me.

First, that episode needed to transition Batel and Pike from … whatever they were … to a deeper relationship. And what did the episode do?

It hung their issues on not enough time for each other. (How many dinner parties has this man thrown?)

It made Pike a commitment-phobe. (Really? Pike? Y’all sure you meant second season Pike not second season Picard?)

It undercut Pike as a captain as well as his pain dating back to The Cage. (Say, fellas, is it okay to leave your yeoman behind if someone at some point said he looked kinda dead?)

Here’s the thing. I would have bought the episode starting with Batel and Pike having an adult discussion about how they could have hated each other after Una’s arrest and trial but they don’t. They’re still drawn to each other. Then I would have bought Pike’s relationship hesitancy being due to his concerns about his fate — and Una later calling him out on his potential fears for longer-term intimacy when he believes his days are numbered. (And if the show backtracks to make this Pike’s motivation, I’m gonna call bullshit because it should have been there from the start. I’ve seen a thousand stories about commitment-phobes. But a story about a person frightened to hurt someone they might be falling for because of a known timeline to the end? That’s actually interesting.)

Then, I would have bought Pike on the planet holding the necklace and feeling that he had unfinished business — the adult discussion with Batel (as opposed to love that, due to his own fears, hadn’t yet been grounded in the reality of the episode).

Second, the episode has the hero moment of Erica figuring out that she flies the ship. Okay, putting aside that other people can and do fly the ship (ahem, Una), this was an incredible opportunity for Erica to have a totem to remind her of why she cares about flying, not just that she does it. Give us a goddamn model airplane or a book about birds or an action figure of Erika Hernandez — something. Anything. Let us get to know Erica better. This missed opportunity stings.

Third, the trauma repetition was painful. The guy on the planet lost his whole family? Dude, he’s the three-way pointing Spider-Man meme with two members of the away team — M’Benga and La’an. What are the odds of all three of them having the same trauma (and not discussing it)? I don’t know, but it was lazy as shit. (Note: Uhura has the same trauma. Una might, per her service record. Enough already.) Make that guy the former king and he’s somehow responsible for the memory loss rock landing and plaguing the planet. Make him a doctor who saved Zac’s life and therefore plunged the planet into tyrannical rule. Again — something. Anything. Just make it unique instead of repetitive. (And if he had saved Zac’s life by some extreme means, that could even possibly excuse Pike for breaking the essential promise of Starfleet by leaving a crewmember behind.)

There’s more. There’s so much more. There should have been a line, at least, about Una being affected by the radiation when her body could clear radiation before. There should have been recognition that Pike was going down to the planet underprepared — again — by cutting the number of people on the away team. There should have been console warnings flashing that, I don’t know, the warp core was in danger since no one in engineering knew who they were or how to do their jobs.

This episode began the season’s beats of Pike being a crummy captain and a crummy boyfriend. It continued the trend of underutilizing Erica, even when she’s there. It forgot the show’s own internal realities. And I am big mad about that because this clutch point of an episode could have been different. It could have been better.

#star trek strange new worlds #star trek strange new worlds season two #among the lotus eaters #among the lotus eaters haters #christopher pike #marie batel #erica ortegas #i am a voyager fan so i have been gaslit by trek before #(tom paris has always loved the ocean) #(chakotay has always loved boxing) #(kathryn janeway would totally choose to endanger her crew rather than turn off the holo-vibrator she’s suddenly calling her boyfriend) #i thought snw would be better than that #i started this season liking pike #even though the show started undercutting him with last season’s finale #STOP MAKING YOUR HERO AN ASSHOLE #he can be complicated without being a jerk to his girlfriend

[bengiyo]

Love Class 2 Eps 9 & 10 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

Last week, in keeping with the theme, I can barely remember what happened in the K-BLs. I know that the younger couples all basically came out to each other, and all three couples gave some decent kissing. I continue to enjoy J-min. I also am glad we resolved the situation with Kim An’s orphanage friend, because that was kinda fucked. The TA and artist are dealing with a misunderstanding that feels a little meaty, so I hope we have a good resolution moment for it. I’m glad Maru and Minwoo finally kissed about their problems.

Episode 9

I’m okay starting with Minwoo and Maru spooning.

Okay, it’s very sweet of Maru to recognize that Minwoo has loved him for a long time and stood by him through all the things Maru went through. I love him promising to be there with Minwoo now.

Kim An is shirtless in bed? How now brown cow.

Never mind, they’re handling business and getting it in.

Oh shit. Joo Hyuk’s friend read him on this park date goddamn.

Oh, was Joo Hyuk with the teacher that Sungmin often does chores for?

Looks like Maru’s tormenting of the manager worked.

Look at my girl finally finding a straight man to flirt with.

The professor was Joo Hyuk’s uncle? LOL

My man Sungmin is so resilient. He realized he’d embarrassed himself, cleared up the matter, and then asked for a date. That’s what I’m talking about!

Kim An and Lee Hyun are frolicking!!

I’m okay with everyone getting cute dates this episode.

I will never get tired of people expressing their feelings for each other clearly and directly, and then making out.

“You are obedient at important moments,” and  “Let’s have many important moments. I promise I’ll be a good boy,” what actually so hot.

I appreciate that there was probably a limit to how physically intimate they could get an idol like J-min to be in this show, and so they fed us with the sides. It’s something Thailand relied upon a lot for a while. J-min served well by being so talented in the early parts when I was struggling a bit. This show has struck a really nice balance after I settled into it.

I see you boys rolling around with each other and I know what that means. Nicely done, sirs.

I love that the tag is giving us the backstory for how Joo Hyuk fell for Sungmin. Unsurprisingly, Joo Hyuk was kind of a whiny drunk.

Episode 10

Now we’re on a Gays Only Camping Trip? Incredible.

This looks like so much fun omg.

These people have immaculate vibes. This is way better than whatever the fuck was going on in Our Skyy 2: Star in My Mind.

This supermarket trip is so cute holy shit.

You mean the tell me this is a gay bbq and they didn’t know they was all paired off? Gay people are so dumb.

I love this conversation between Minwoo and Lee Hyun about how Minwoo used to be jealous of Lee Hyun’s feelings.

This show is doing a really good job showing couples settling into each other in its finale.

Okay, deciding to no longer kiss in the shadows is such a baller gay thing to say that this show just earned half a point.

Okay this photo is really good.

Final Verdict: 8.5, This Was Cute as Hell. I want to thank @he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle for getting me to keep going with this show. I think it was a little hard to follow at first, but I had really satisfying outings with all of the characters here. It was kind of a grab bag of plots, but once I locked in I had a fantastic time. This was really fun, and a worthwhile watch. J-min has real talent and I was impressed by him.

#love class 2 #korean bl #bl series #Ben watches

[stan-the-cinnamon-roll-uris]

Started watching the new Barry episode yesterday night.

Blacked out for 20 Minutes thinking about Eddie's reaction to that last shot of Bill Hader-...

Bon appetite!

◇

Alright, so maybe Bev feels a little bit bad for laughing as hard as she does.

Really, normally she is good at being sensible if Eddie asks that of her and it shouldn’t be this goddamn funny. On any other day but today really, in any other situation, Bev would just shut it and talk Eddie through it. But not today.

Because as of 10 Minutes ago she watched Eddie lose his mind over 4 seconds of screentime for Richie’s shoulders on TV.

And the thing is she gets it. Richie does have nice shoulders and it’s not like Bev can’t appreciate a nice back in general, especially in a nice suit, but this thing between Eddie and Richie, ever since their return to Derry over a year ago, also has been going on for way too long at this point.

Richie and him keep dancing around each other and because they aren’t able to talk to each other about their feelings like adults, Bev now has Eddie face first lying on her couch.

Because of a pair of shoulders.

There’s no way she won’t tell Stan about this immediately.

“Hey Eddie, say cheese.”

Eddie flips Bev the bird but doesn’t move any further from his face down position on the couch, while mumbling something into the pillow that Bev doesn’t even try to understand as she’s taking the picture. She knows what he’s trying to say, anyway.

“You could just talk to him you know, get to see that nice back up close.”

Just as Bev opens her messenger, Eddie makes her jump back with a yelp by kicking after her with his socked foot.

“Hey! I’m just trying to help.”

Before Eddie can trip her up any further, Bev sends the picture to Stan with a quick caption about how Eddie had to lay down after the new episode, before sitting down on the floor besides Eddie’s head. She starts poking his cheek but doesn’t get any other reaction besides a frustrated groan.

Bev doesn’t hide her laugh at that either “Well, at least you’ve got good taste. Besides Ben, Richie's got the nicest shoulders out of all of you."

Another muffled groan into the pillow “God, they’re so nice!”

The urge to tease Eddie some more almost wins out when her phone starts vibrating with a message from Stan.

Is he ok?

Bev huffs out another laugh at the question, quickly typing in her response

Oh yeah. The 'sexy shoulder shot' (Eddie's words, not mine) at the end just took him out.

A moment later another pair of dots appears on the screen and it takes Bev exactly two seconds to realize how majorly she just screwed up, announcing herself with a startled shriek at her phone which finally gets Eddie to look up with wide eyes.

“What? What happened?!”

“Eddie, I’m so sorry! I thought I was talking to Stan but I accidentally opened the group chat-“

Eddie hurriedly pulls the phone from her hands and throws it back with his own yelp a few seconds later after getting a look at Richie's message at the bottom

Uh sorry but Eddie called it what-

#reddie #reddie drabble #reddie au #Richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #Reddie au with Richie as Barry #Bev spends the next hour apologizing before they're getting out the alcohol #followed by another week of Reddie dancing around euch other #until the series finale drops where barry obviously goes completely feral #which means Eddie goes feral over Richie going feral on screen #and they eventually end up making out over it and finally get their happy ever after #bev marsh #the losers club #stan uris

[freckleslikestars]

Let’s talk Elegy because I’m currently working on the living Polaroids for it and I’m having thoughts

First things first - the bowling shoes really accentuate the height difference in this scene. She’s tiny. Also, they’re so goddamn flirty in this scene, from her delivery of ‘I would have thought that after three years you’d know exactly what that look was’ to his showing off and her impressed smirk. It’s almost too much.

He’s showing off and what’s sickening is that she likes it

You’re in public! There are children around! It’s vulgar and inappropriate! Please get a room!

But, no a more serious note this scene in particular definitely feels like they’re both doing their best to pretend she’s not dying - we we know for sure now after the last episode that she is (‘Agent Scully is in the hospital.’ ‘She’s undergoing some imaging tests. Her, uh, oncologist was concerned about some microscopy results that, uh, her tumour may be metastasising’ and ‘agent Scully is dying!’) there’s no doubt in any of their minds that this is the end and I always get the feeling with Elegy that they are both taking each and every day as it comes at this point and cherishing the moments that they get to spend out in the field with one another - he’ll show of his bowling skills and she’ll smile just a little more than normal and tease him just a little more, and maybe if they just keep having days like this - good days, where she doesn’t feel so bad - they’ll be alright. Obviously, it goes south quite quickly, but they’re treasuring the good moments.

Thought two: that sceptical look she gives him. Dana Scully is the queen of sceptical looks but this is one of my favourites. This is one that says ‘I was so turned on moments ago by your bowling prowess but you’ve just poured soda on the ground and now I’m concerned for your welfare’

I’ve never noticed before the way he wraps his arm around her to show her what he’s looking at. I dunno, it’s just a real tender moment and I feel insane I feel like I want to gnaw through the very wood they’re laying on.

He looks so lost. Screaming crying throwing up

#and don’t even get me started on her session with Karen kosseff #sorry but look at the little mumbling his lips do when she walks out in that last gif #David duchovney’s pouty bottom lip deserves an Oscar #they’re so !!!! #I did this instead of making living Polaroids because I really don’t want to watch demons and gethsemane and feel depressed right now #my gifs #the x files #msr #txf #x files #xf gifs #elegy #season four #cancer arc

[ms-cartoon]

New HB Episode! (Jesus...)

Alright... So I seen the new episode - can't say this show gradually gets any better. I can fairly say there was only one decent thing about this episode, and that was the backstory with Moxxie and why he has daddy issues. Seriously though, why does almost EVERYBODY in this goddamn show have daddy issues??? And why are all these dads a**holes?? And yes, I'm going to include Millie's father. Of course, he's no abusive dad, but he (nor his wife) wasn't kind to Moxxie at all, and all because he was considered a weakling who uses guns as a choice for weapons. Which sounds like a pretty stupid reason. There are people who are scared to even pick up a gun, let alone pull a trigger.

I couldn't tell if I was skimming through this episode, or if the episode was just skimming itself and I just couldn't keep up. I think it's mostly the latter, cuz MY GOD, this was so rushed! I had to watch this twice to process whatever was going on. Everything just feels so crammed into this episode There's also Moxxie's ex-boyfriend, but I'll get to that in a minute.

⦁ So the first start of the episode, we start with Moxxie and Loona in the room. I just love how Loona is just there, lol!! She's just sitting at the table on her phone and has no speaking lines whatsoever. She might as well have not even appeared in this episode, for real. What's bad about this is that she was only there for another "Moxxie is fat!" joke. I really don't get what's so funny about this gag. Why is it even a gag? Moxxie is not fat! He don't even look it. I highly doubt he's even heavy. Loona and Blitzo are just being d*cks to him. It doesn't even help that he mentions he lost a few pounds just so they stop making fun of him. Now it's just sad!!! They body-shamed Moxxie so much, he felt he had to lose a few pounds so they would leave him alone about it. They did not make this funny, they just made it worse. PLZ STOP with the unfunny fat jokes!!

⦁ This seems to be the most try-hard horniest episode compared to the ones that have Stolas in it. Seriously, what in the gracious hell is with these dildos popping up from chairs and walls!!!??? 

Then there's Blitzo who has photos of porn in the drawers in his office (why would he even put those where people can open it up and take stuff out anyway??)!!! And then you got this perverted fish (who's the most annoying out of everybody in this episode) tryna bang everybody in IMP! He's literally just another Stolas, Blitzo, and Angel Dust character put in one: an LGBT horny mess who just wants to get his mack on anyone around him or just certain people, sexually harassing them in the process. Plus, anything that comes out of his mouth is a literal sex joke and it's just uncomforting.

⦁ So Moxxie's family is in the mafia and they're rich...... But why??? I thought Imps were of lower class and practically poor compared to the other species of demons.

  ⦁ You mean to tell me Millie and Moxxie dated the same guy at one point in their lifetime before getting together? Okay, but it seems to be too much of a coincidence. Idk, it just comes off as odd.

⦁ So Moxxie and Chaz had a thing going on before he met up with Millie. But when they were together, their relationship seemed to be more centered around lust than there was genuine love. Obviously considering when Chaz was quick to take the money and abandoned Moxxie when he needed help during the heist. Now this, amongst other parts of this series, just keeps up the stereotypical nonsense that all gay dudes are horny for each other and want nothing but to get it on. I don't understand what Moxxie even sees in his perverted a**. What makes no sense about this is that Moxxie isn't the type of guy that just get's horny like that. He's not perverted and doesn't get turned on over the slightest of things, yet he's shown stroking a gun while cleaning it while at the same time feeling pleasure. Chaz is more vulgar than Blitzo, and Moxxie barely tolerates him! So, wtf??

⦁ So in hell, you can pretty much get away with anything illegal with no consequences. Whether it'd be robbing a bank, murdering someone, sexual harassment, etc. So why in THE HELL is there a prison???!!

⦁ Blitzo and Moxxie's meeting makes no sense to me. So #1, I was under the assumption Moxxie met Blitzo after he met and married Millie, but now they're telling us they met in jail right after Chaz abandoned Moxxie. #2, Why is Blitzo quick to let Moxxie join IMP after only saying a few words to him? He didn't even ask him for his name or let him speak or anything - he was just like, "Hey let's bust outta here and you can join my company!" #3 Why is Moxxie even smiling? What has Blitzo said to make him feel better so quickly after basically being dumped?? Does he feel like he's being accepted or something? Like bro, you just met this dude and you didn't even say a word to him.

⦁ Millie's more pissed at Chaz for abandoning Moxxie at one point. Why is Millie getting so angry and quick to kill Chaz over something that happened she wasn't even present for!? She never even met Moxxie around that time. Plus, it's not like that situation is bothering Moxxie now. There was no need for her to get so triggered here. Not saying she's not right to get upset about it, but the sudden rage was a little extra.

  ⦁ If Blitzo and Moxxie were considered friends when they met, then why is Blitzo such an ass to him all the time?? Are we supposed to give Blitzo props for acknowledging or being nice to Moxxie?

⦁ Crimson seems to make a better villain than any other antagonist introduced in this series. Mainly because he has motivation. From what I can gather from this, from Crim's perspective, Moxxie was turning soft because of his wife. It seems that he was extremely pissed off that the mother disagreed with how he raised Moxxie, going as far as to kill her. Granted it was too far and for a petty reason, but it's better than just doing things and having no motivation for them, unlike Stella.

⦁ A priest.... in hell...?

⦁ They only have Moxxie stand up for himself ONCE in this episode, and it's not even enough. His whole life from when he was a kid, he was pushed around by his father and put up with his abuse. The second he meets him after a long time, he's still afraid of him. The only time he puts his foot down is when he says he's not gonna go along with whatever his father plans for him and refuses his commands.... and that was it. It seemed like he was threatening his dad initially, saying how good he was at his job, and not even a second later he gets tased and knocked out, becoming a damsel in distress. That was the most brave we get out of him. If anything, his freakin WIFE was doing the most out of him once more, becoming the man of the relationship as always!! Wouldn't it have been better if Moxxie tried to get out of the knot and fought his dad or Chaz? Maybe he could have helped out Millie and they could make it to where Millie was having difficulties fighting all those gang members.

⦁ Speaking of that; Millie is only useful in battle only when the plot deems it necessary. It kinda seems like she's falling in and out of being a talented fighter. She gets taken down at one point and then the next she'll beat everybody's ass with no sweat! Sure - defeat an entire mob whether it be a mafia or a bunch of agents and take down a whole damn sea monster, but get knocked out by a freakin glass bottle and your leg ruptured by a bear trap...Yeah, I can totally buy that. I feel like they were being a little extra with Millie taking down all those gang members anyway. As I said, she could've had some difficulty fighting all those dudes and Moxxie could've helped her.

⦁ I swear- the women in this show get no respect not just in the show itself, but from the writers. Millie is once again only existing to be just a woman who's married to Moxxie and only gets angry and violent just for Moxxie. There's at least one episode that should've been about her, but it was mostly about her husband and she was just there as his moral support. Literally, the only thing we get outta her in this episode is her extremely hot temper, and all because of Chaz, who she dated at one point. Why is she so upset with Chaz? Why did she hate him so much before she knew about his relationship with Moxxie? What did he do to make her dump him? Or did he dump her? How did she even end up with a guy like him?? We don't know!! We only get to know about Moxxie's past relationship with him and how it faltered, and that is such a letdown! This could've been our chance to explore Millie as a character, even if it's a little flashback of her love life.

  ⦁ I'm not gonna disclude Moxxie's mother in this. Honestly, I don't think it was necessary for her to get killed off just so we could feel more sympathy for Moxxie. We can already see how his father treats him. Can't forget Loona or Blitzo. Not even Millie's parents liked him.

⦁ I'm I the only one who feels like Millie and Moxxie as a couple is boring? Yeah they love each other and would probably die for each other and that's nice n all, but wouldn't it be interesting to have Millie and Moxxie have a slight argument at least once? We all know these two love each other to death. They're sweeter and more loving towards each other than anybody else around them, and that's why it would be interesting to see a quarrel. Sometimes, you can't be a married couple without having an argument or two at one point. Millie clearly felt upset that she was kept in the dark about Moxxie's family. She kept on questioning Moxxie; "Why haven't I met dad before? Are you okay? You know you can tell me anything, right?" And Moxxie would just continuously dodge the questions and not tell her anything. This actually could've been another opportunity for Millie's character. Not that she has to lash out at him, but maybe she could've told him how she felt about him not saying anything about Crimson, his ex, his mother, or how he feeling in general while also having an upset attitude y'know. Maybe Moxxie could've argued back and said he just didn't wanna worry her or something.

  ⦁ I don't think Moxxie and Chaz necessarily have to marry just so Chaz could be a part of the family. If this is just about financial issues then why can't Crim and Chaz come to an agreement or something? How did Crim not know that Chaz was actually not rich?

⦁ I just know people are triggered over the fact that Blitzo slept Chaz and are like "BLITZO NO!! YOU BELONG TO STOLAS!!" or some whiny sh*t like that, even though Stolas and Blitzo aren't even an official couple. When did Blitzo suddenly become an imp version of Stolas? Why was he so quick to get horny and sleep with Chaz and he JUST MET HIM! This might as well be the same situation he had with Stolas, except he's Stolas and Chaz is Blitzo. Not to mention Blitzo ended up sneaking around and snooping through his stuff.

⦁ Why is Blitzo the one to get suspicious of Chaz anyway? He is mostly just there for comic relief and mostly seems more goofy and lovable compared to his behavior in the latest episode. It's kinda a good thing I guess, but I'm not gonna hope for the better of him. I wouldn't say he changed completely since there was a moment he lashed out at Moxxie for a split second. I don't even think he has any motive for trying to get him caught in a lie cuz he doesn't even know him, other than the fact that he wants to be the only one who ruptures Moxxie and Millie's relationship (I'm sorry... are we supposed to be rooting for him still?) If anything, I think it makes more sense if Millie was the one to figure out was Chaz was up to considering her history with him (if there was any. We don't know.... it was never shown!)

⦁ I can't believe Crimson easily let Millie walk away with Moxxie scott free without putting up a fight! Bro killed dozens of people!! He wasn't even afraid to kill his own wife. He even threatened to harm Moxxie and Millie! Why is he backing down so easily!?

Uh, yeah... this certainly wasn't the greatest episode. I think the only thing good about it was Moxxie's childhood. That was certainly interesting (and dark). Apart from that, I was expecting something outta nothing. We could've seen some potential from Millie, but we didn't. This show just can't exist without sex jokes. It's alright if they wanna be funny like that, but at this point, it's just uncomforting. Wondering how they're gonna screw up the next episode.

#critique #helluva boss critical #SpindleHorse critical #helluva boss criticism #helluva boss critique #blog #my thoughts #it doesn't get better

[idkhow-but-im-here]

OK OK OK OK OK

I finally finished Good Omens season 2 and I have so many fucking thoughts which I will list in no particular order:

The Doctor Who references are always golden. (somewhat related: that part when Crowley was bullshitting about war regulations in front of Shax & co in the bookshop? super reminiscent of Ten’s speedy sci-fi jargon)

The music, as always, fucking slaps, especially at the end of each episode when the theme is played in a related style I love it so much

Nina and Maggie!!! I do really like them as a ship (coffee shop + record shop? that’s a built-in au fic) but I also like how they’re not actually together at the end. I love how they’re so healthy in how they go about their potential relationship, both acknowledging how messed up it was for Aziraphale/Crowley to meddle with their lives and how dumb it would be to rush into something headfirst regardless of all the shit they had been through both togther and as individuals. Also Fuck Lindsay all my homies hate Lindsay, as much as I liked what they did with visualising her shitty messages (the blackboard and crumpled notepad sheets? because of coffee shop reasons and how Nina’s work and love life was suffocatingly forced together by the incessant behest of Lindsay)

<The dancing/ball/Jane Austen vibes3

Beezelbub and Gabriel!?!? When I first came across this ship on ao3 I thought this ship made somewhat sense but would stay in the realms of fanon yet here I am disproven and I can’t lie… they’re kinda cute together. I was caught off guard (like every other character) but fair dues to them. Their parallels with the ineffable husbands are just ughh *chef’s kiss*

^alpha centauri!!!^

Peter Davison and Ty Tennant??? Their appearances did make me giggle for meta’s sake. Perhaps a Georgia Tennant appearance in season 3? (if they make it please please please say they’ll make it)

WAS CROWLEY ACTUALLY RAPHAEL??? I thought it was just a headcanon/fan theory (which I did fall in love with after watching this beautiful animatic years ago) but Crowley having access to classified files and the Metatron mentioning that an archangel being cast out has happened before??? it’s becoming more and more plausible.

AND JUST PRE-FALL CROWLEY IN GENERAL HE LOOKS SO HAPPY all he ever did was ask valid questions goddamnit (literally). nebulae are very pretty I would also be indignant if they weren’t gonna stick around for long. AND THE PARALLEL TO THE FIRST EPISODE WITH THE WINGSSS

Crowley just being a good nice decent person all throughout time (the goats, children, helping out elspeth, ect) it makes me happy

ANDD Aziraphale’s reactions (both positive and negative) to aforementioned deeds create a great moral foil to Crowley and perfectly builds up to what we see at the end (I’ll probably write about s2 Aziraphale in a different post because man I have so many thoughts)

Crowley’s callbacks to the date lunch at the Ritz!! Him talking to Nina and Maggie about taking Aziraphale to the Ritz again to him pointing out the lack of a nightingale (idk if that was leaning into meta a little but it didn’t bother me) just HURT so damn much

“Emotional damage support angel” you’re damn right he is/was

The battery-powered candles lmfaooo and literally any reference to the fire, including the absurd number of fire extinguishers, had me giggling

Muriel is a goddamned (or not so in some sense) treasure, a little ray of sunshine with a heart of gold and dumb of ass. I adore her and found Aziraphale and Crowley humouring her hilarious.

THE SECOND COMING??? I’m sorry wHAT WE ALREADY HAD THE ANTICHRIST NOW WE’RE DEALING WITH CHRIST CHRIST? YOU CAN’T LEAVE US WITH JUST THAT MR. GAIMAN

and of course the bloody

K I S S

THAT WHOLE SEQUENCE OF CROWLEY FINALLY FINALLY OPENING UP AND JUST BEING WHOLEHEARTEDLY HONEST (going against his predisposition and entire NATURE to lie/omit or walk around the truth)

CONFESSING HIS TRUE FEELING AFTER COUNTLESS MILLENNIA OF PINING EVEN AFTER AZIRAPHALE DROPPED THAT BOMBSHELL

AND HALF STORMING OFF BEFORE GOING BACK TO KISS THE SHIT OUT OF HIM AND THEN FULLY STORMING OFF

with aziraphale clearly unsure of how to react BUT STILL TOUCHES HIS LIPS IN SHOCK AS HE WATCHES CROWLEY LEAVE

That shit had me fully standing up on the sofa, arms in brace position, gasping, screaming, close to tears, indignantly repeating “NEIL GAIMAN!” every couple of seconds

Truly a brilliant scene and a brilliant season overall.

As always the cast, the writers, the set designers, the effects artists, the costumers, the camera crew, everyone who had a part in creating go2 was fucking fantastic.

#i’m genuinely not ok after watching it #there’s so much more to talk about but i have been typing for well over an hour #season 3 is not a want it’s a NEED #please i beg #everything needs to be resolved #good omens #good omens spoilers #go2 spoilers

[marvelwinchester67]

MAJOR STRANGER THINGS VOLUME 2 SPOILERS BELOW

………………………………………………………………………………

Honestly, fuck the duffer brothers. The minute Nancy said she wanted to kill Vecna I knew something would go horribly wrong.

The minute that Eddie cut that damn rope and decided to stay behind I knew something would happen. Yet I held onto the hope that he’d be ok and Dustin would reach him in time.

I’m sorry, but if Steve can survive the demo-bats, why couldn’t Eddie? Why couldn’t he live? What was the fucking point of any of the last two episodes if they were just gonna kill off one of THE BEST characters to be introduced on this god forsaken show? It was supposed to be his year, and instead, he sacrificed himself for no goddamn reason.

Because the whole town still believes him to be a murderer and satanist. The only one who even remotely cares for him (besides Dustin) is his uncle. Who, despite seeing all the hatred for his nephew and the blatant disrespect towards him, still believes him to be alive and innocent, until Dustin tells him what happened (without telling him the real reason he died). He hands him that damn guitar pick necklace and calls Eddie a hero, he tells Wayne that he wished people had gotten to know him the way he did because they would’ve loved him. I know I did. I still do. But here’s why I REFUSE to believe he’s really dead.

1) Dustin still refers to him in the present tense. Instead of saying “He WAS a hero.” He says “He IS a hero” and that could just be nothing, but I’m holding onto the little crumbs that I can.

2) where’s his body? I know for a damn fact that Dustin never would’ve left him behind like that. He cares way to much about people to just blatantly disrespect him like that in the end. Especially after he begged Eddie to stay with him.

3) why is no one else talking about him? He literally died saving their asses, and the ONLY one who mourns him is Dustin. We know that Mike looked up to him, so why didn’t we see Dustin tell him what happened to their friend? Why didn’t we get to see Mike mourn him to? Why didn’t Steve or Robin or hell, even Nancy, say anything about him. They literally just left him there and acted like he wasn’t the reason they’re still alive (partially)

4) it was Nancy’s plan to kill Vecna. It was her idea to use a LITERAL CHILD and Eddie as bait to lure the demo-bats away when she KNEW what they were capable of doing. She only cared about killing Vecna. I mean, they almost killed Steve, but they didn’t because all of them showed up in the nick of time to save him. She should’ve known better than to have only two people be bait for those bats when she also knew what Vecna was capable of. He SHOWED her what he was gonna do, yet she still decided to kill him. And even that didn’t fucking work because he’s still alive.

5) the duffer brothers said that not all of our questions would be answered in this volume, and that we’d have to wait for season 5 to get those answers. BUT, why have Joseph Quinn petition for more scenes with Charlie in season 5? Why bait us into thinking they wouldn’t pull a Bob on us and kill him off? Why create such a lovable character, WHO WASNT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE LOVABLE IN THE FIRST PLACE CAUSE THEY WANTED HIM TO BE SCARY AND MEAN, just for us to get attached to him and be disappointed in the end?

6) if his body was never brought back to Hawkins, if he’s still there, if they just left him there, then maybe, just maybe, a hopper will be pulled and he’ll be revealed to still be alive, albeit severely injured and alone in the upside down.

7) if Max can survive being folded in half by Vecna, ACTUALLY DYING, going blind and being in a coma, then surely Eddie could survive a swarm of demo-bats? Right? I mean, I’d rather him be in a coma than dead, because then at least we’d know he’s still alive.

8) Dustin deserved so much more than having to watch as his newest best friend goes off on his own to be a “hero” when his whole character arc was about him NOT being a hero, just to watch him die in his arms as he begged him to stay alive long enough to get help. But it also begs the question. Why didn’t Dustin signal for help? Why didn’t he radio Steve, Robin and Nancy and tell them what happened and that he needed help immediately? Lucas can beg for Erica to get help for Max, but Dustin can’t beg his friends to do the same either? It’s bullshit. Utter and complete bullshit

9) for it only being two days later, it seems awfully suspicious that Dustin is out helping and volunteering at the school when his friend literally just died in his arms less than 48hrs ago. Now, that could just be because he needs to take his mind off of things. He needs a distraction from the grief so he doesn’t break down and blame himself. Because we all know Dustin, he absolutely would blame himself for what happened in the upside down two days ago. But it still seems a little suspicious that he’s there, runs into Wayne and then tells him his nephew IS a hero and not WAS a hero. Again, it could just be his way of coping, trying to pretend that Eddie’s death wasn’t as traumatic and heartbreaking as it was. But we are talking about the same kid who found a baby demogorgon and tried to raise it as a pet in secret. So it would in no way surprise me if he found a way to hide Eddie away somewhere and try to keep it to himself without telling anyone about it. Remember, eventually his friends did find out that Dart was still with Dustin, and they were mad at him for keeping it when he knew it was a monster (but Eddie’s not a demogorgon so they wouldn’t be mad at him, just confused)

10) which leads me to my final theory and point. Vecna survived in the upside down for years. Yes, he has psychic abilities that are extremely powerful, and yes he was infected by the atmosphere over time, but he still survived it, just with a new look. If Vecna can survive that place, why couldn’t Eddie? We already know he’s pretty decent at hiding, and he’s been taking care of himself for a while now because his uncle is rarely home due to working all the time. So why couldn’t he? If Henry/001 can do it, then it stands to reason that, even though Eddie has no psychic powers, he could still survive. He’s been doing it his whole life. Also, why mention his dad? Why give us any inclination of his home life before Wayne if you were just gonna kill him? Either that’s just lazy writing, or there was a point and we’ll see it in season 5 (which I hope to god it wasn’t just a plot hole to make us even more invested in his character because they already knew what would happen to him and that we’d all be upset we got Eddie and his dad crumbs just for nothing to come of it)

So, all in all, I was excited for no god damn reason, the duffer brothers really hyped up so much just for none of it to happen, I have, and always will be anti-Nancy, the entirety of volume two deserved better than what it got, we, as a fandom, deserved so much more than what we got, and I hope to god that season 5 is entirely different from this. We did not deserve to be introduced to such an amazing and complex character again, only for him to be killed, again. I actually cried when jopper kissed, I’ve been waiting for so long for them to be happy, I started sobbing again when Dustin told Wayne about Eddie, only for more sobbing to ensue when El and Hopper reunited (because I was not about to end that damn catastrophe of a volume without an El and Hopper reunion) I also will always refuse to believe Eddie is dead, because I feel like I’ve actually lost someone important to me in real life. Like, I KNOW emotional damage, but that was on a whole other level. I get attached to characters so easily, and Eddie was one of them. Still is. That soft doe-eyed metal head swooped in, stole my heart, made me fall in love, and then ripped it out slowly and painfully with that scene. I absolutely adore Joseph Quinn, and that’s coming from someone who’d never even heard of him before this season came out. He did an absolutely fantastic job with Eddie freaking Munson and he totally deserves better than the shit ending they gave him. This post ended up being really long, but honestly who cares. I’m so done with shows like this having an interesting plot in the first half and then throwing that entire plot away in the second. It’s shit writing, it’s a shit ending, and I refuse to believe that any of it happened.

#eddiemunson #Steve Harrington #stranger things #volume 2 #Nancy wheeler #Robin Buckley #Eddie Munson #Dustin Henderson #fuck the duffer brothers #I’m SOBBING #Steddie #Eddie x Steve #ronance #volume 2 never happened #justice for Eddie #Joseph Quinn #stranger things spoilers #STvol2spoilers

[amtrak12]

To anyone who has been watching me flail and gnash my teeth over the past year as I write a monstrously long fanfic and maybe thought to themselves, ‘Damn, should I watch Lucifer so I know what she’s talking about?’

My answer is, NO! Bestie, I cannot, with a clear conscience, recommend the TV show Lucifer to anyone who knows me here on Tumblr. Now, if you want to learn how to utilize parallels in story telling? Then, absolutely! Lucifer is a MASTERCLASS in utilizing parallels, both visually and narratively. A++

But otherwise, you will have to do your own soul-searching and research to decide if Lucifer is worth your time. Because if I recommend Lucifer to you, then you’re going to start with episode 1 like a normal person and then you’re going to hate me because IT’S GARBAGE!

Oh, but Amber, all pilots are rough. I can just stick with it. — No, you misunderstand me. The pilot is FANTASTIC. It’s HYSTERICAL. But only if you know how the series ends. If this is your first introduction to the characters? It’s awful! I don’t know how anyone ever watched any part of S1 (except maybe the finale because the kidnapped child trope is chef’s kiss) and thought “OMG yes please, more of this”.

And I know what you’re going to say: Parks and Recreation. BUT THIS IS NOT THE SAME THING! You can absolutely skip S1 of Parks and Rec and never, ever go back and watch it, and you would be fine. You wouldn’t miss a goddamn thing.

You absolutely have to watch S1 of Lucifer. This is not a case of ‘oh the writers haven’t figured out these characters yet’. NOPE! This is 100% who these characters are at the start of their journey together. It’s crucial to understanding and appreciating their full character arcs. But it’s the start of their journey together and if they’re not a jackass (Lucifer, Dan) or sex-crazed* (Linda, babe WHAT was that), then they’re boring (Amenadiel and YEAH I’LL SAY IT Chloe^). Yes, Maze is hot, and toothless, 7 year old Trixie can do no wrong (bless that child) — BUT YOU CAN’T STICK WITH A SHOW FOR TWO CHARACTERS WHO ARE BARELY IN IT!+

[* — I don’t want to slut-shame. I am merely too aspec to relate. Also for a show about the Devil with a queer protagonist and more than one queer supporting character, Lucifer is WAY too Het (tm), but especially in S1]

[^ — Credit where credit is due: Chloe’s backstory of being a child actress who did a nude scene in a movie when she was 19 is FASCINATING. I love it because it is soooo outside of my comfort zone. I never in a million years would’ve made a character with that backstory, and for that reason, I love it.]

[+ — Watching a show for a character who’s barely in it is exactly something I’ve done in the past. It’s probably something we’ve all done at one time or another, but it’s not a sustainable business model for production companies, okay? You can’t always rely on the gays to do the work for you!]

You know what you get out of S1 if you wait to watch it last? (with spoilers — but honestly, it makes the show better. That’s my entire point in this post!)

Shouting at your screen 8.5 minutes in when the writers telegraph the end game goal of the show

General questioning where all the blue tones came from o_O (They liked ~filters~ in S1)

Having your mind goddamn BLOWN when you learn Chloe and Dan were still actually married at the start of the show. Like, WHAT?! No, I’m sorry… WHAT?!!

The horror that you were always going to feel now mixed with hysterical laughter as Linda is WAY too horny and WAY too susceptible to Lucifer’s desire power

“Did my father send you?” — DYING! DEAD! DECEASED!

Absolutely not being able to take Amenadiel seriously even for a second. Everytime you look up at his stony expression, you fall out of your chair laughing all over again

[^Amenadiel, I'm so sorry, but this does not intimidate me. I know you too well now.]

AND THAT’S JUST THE PILOT! You keep watching and you get to see Maze meet little Trixie for the first time (adorbs <3). You get to watch Maze meet Dan for the first time and IT’S SO GODDAMN FUCKING FUNNY I AM NOT EVEN JOKING! Like, if you can make it that far into the show by watching from the beginning, then it’s still funny. But TRUST ME! It’s way better once you know they’re besties and have seen Maze sob over an N*Sync shirt. I’M CRACKING UP JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!

You also get to watch Lucifer’s struggle with mortality/vulnerability already knowing how it works (already knowing how all of his powers work). Chloe says, “Oh, I want to shoot you so bad.” And you’re shouting YES, PLEASE! DO IT! DO IT! And it’s not because you’re hate-watching the show, it’s because you know he’ll bleed when she does and LUCIFER DOESN’T KNOW THAT YET! Malcolm’s about to shoot him episodes later and you’re yelling again DO IT! DO IT!!!! Because Chloe’s no where around this time and Lucifer won’t bleed but he doesn’t know that either! (And then you groan in disappointment when Malcolm walks away without shooting — and then you cheer when two seconds later the villain of the episode shows up and shoots Lucifer instead! \0/ It’s SO satisfying!)

What I’m saying is, Season 1 is incredible… but only if you add dramatic irony to it. If you’re as clueless as the characters? Then, god help you, because I wouldn’t have made it past Linda jumping Lucifer’s bones in her office during the pilot. I just wouldn’t have.

Further caveats:

If you want to watch solely for Maze/Eve — DON’T! My girl Eve is barely in the show after her S4 introduction, and she’s dating Lucifer for the majority of that season. Like Maze/Eve are incredible and perfect and integral to Maze’s overall character arc. You get to see them get married and they have such gems like “You broke my heart” / “Really? :D That’s awesome!” and “I don’t care if you die.” / “:’) That’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me.” — LIKE BABES, THEY’RE GORGEOUS! I just wouldn’t watch 6 seasons of a show for like 1.5 seasons total of B-storyline content. I don’t think that’s really worth it but your scales may differ.

Now if you want to watch solely for Tricia Helfer…. FAIR! THAT’S FAIR! I’m pretty sure she’s what got me sucked in. Technically, that’s probably not worth it either because she’s only a regular for S2 and 3 and then guest stars in a couple of S5b episodes — but then again, IMDB confirms she was in 47 of the 93 episodes while Eve was only in 14 (FOURTEEN??? :O What do you mean?? Wasn’t she in like most of S4????? JFC no wonder it seems like she’s never around T_T) So yeah, Tricia Helfer might be worth it! She’s fabulous as both Lucifer’s mom and as Charlotte Richards! Love her!

Season 3 is both the longest and the WORST season no matter when you watch it. Unless you have some deep-seated nostalgia for Smallville, you’re going to be miserable during this season and there’s absolutely no way I can make it better for you. I am so sorry. It’s horribly paced. It has a narratively useful characterization backslide with NO TRIGGER POINT so it therefore doesn’t actually flow with the narrative after all. It has too many filler episodes which for this show, does actually ruin the pacing, and includes two miscellaneous episodes that have nothing to do with anything slotted AFTER a very massive, huge finale cliffhanger! (WHY???? @ Fox execs, PLEASE EXPLAIN!!!!!) They completely fucked up the character foil I assume they were intending because there’s no way you intended that to be a face value parallel. I refuse to accept that. And that’s before whatever the fuck their goal was with the Chloe/Pierce romance. IT WAS SO BADLY DONE IT MAKES ME RAGE!

But also we got Chloe and Linda drunkenly taking over Lucifer’s penthouse when he was out of town, and the finale scene of Lucifer shielding Chloe with his wings as they’re getting shot at which makes me FERAL, so it’s not all bad.

Speaking of Lucifer shielding Chloe with his wings, I might have an unexplored obsession with angels that is clouding my judgement of this show. :S Okay, years ago I read a Supercat AU where Kara was the devil and I was enthralled but anything else I found featuring angels just wasn’t the vibe. And then I found Lucifer and got hooked. So IDK! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#long post #but I added gifs so does that help? lol #:S #also a Supercat fic rec link at the bottom?