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whirlybirdwhat · 3 years

Note

The strawhats dont know that Jimbe shares the other half of Luffys scar.

Word Count: 2,239

The Straw Hats hadn’t expected it, even as they traced inked lines on newspapers, old and faded with time, watched the news and clips of Marineford, brought by an old enemy’s hands.

They knew their captain would be scarred – saw it in the newspaper, the way his face broke with his brother’s body in his arms, saw it in bloody bandages inked with 3D2Y.

They just –

They didn’t know it would be like this.

Luffy’s scar is a red thing, a bloody thing. It’s roughly healed, clearly gone without proper care beyond the initial wrap, and it lays directly over their captain’s chest. An X, cruel and digging into his skin.

(Legends state that Joyboy, the first adventurer, carved an X on to Raftel. That the poneglyphs are his signature, the X that marks all treasure.

Below this X lies their captain’s heart, burned and flayed by the first of a dog.

It is a treasure that should have never been marked.)

He wears it openly, proudly, as if this X was not in the same place of the wound that killed his brother, as if his hand did not reach up to scratch at it, rest on it, hold it when he stared at the horizon. They have had a day to get used to but still –

Still it is a shock, fresh and unwanted.

(Scars have meaning, and scars have purpose. Zoro has two on his ankles and one on his front, two earned in learning, and one in battle. Another is on his eye, a price paid for being a student who aims to take down his teacher. Nami has scars, covered by blue ink, scars that freed her, scars that saved her. Usopp has nicks on his hand, scars in odd places from trying to repair a dying ship, from fighting his captain.

Lessons learned, purposed gained, willingly, voluntarily.

Luffy’s is nothing like that. )

It stares at them, taunts them, bright and red, a reminder that they weren’t there when Luffy was always there for all of them, wasn’t there when he needed them most, as much as it is a reminder of how Luffy’s brother died in his arms, in a war that should have never been.

(Luffy has scars – he heals fast, but not enough to cover burns from molten gold or holes from warlord’s hooks. But nothing is as vibrant as this one.)

But –

Luffy is here.

Luffy is happy. He smiles, bright and fearless, even if there are new shadows in his eyes and more quiet moments then there used to be. He is still just as strong, stronger even, if more protective of his crew. He’s Luffy – their captain, and their future king.

They weren’t there for him, and he doesn’t care if they weren’t because he’s glad they’re safe but –

Jimbe! Luff cries with joy, when they set a course for fishman island, He saved me!

Someone was.

Fishman island is a bright, happy place. The sun shines even here, and now, with Hordy and Vander Decken gone, the people shine as well. Joyful, smiling faces against scales and skin, teeth sharp or smooth, are all directed to their princess – now revealed to them – and to the pirates that saved them. There’s cruelty in corners, but not here.

Not now.

(Children run along the sea floor in Straw Hats, calling out attack names and harboring no prejudice.

Later, years later, there will be legends about a man in a straw hat, and joy written on all their faces – cruelty nowhere to be found. A beginning is here – one of hope.)

Not with Luffy lying on Jimbe’s side, bandaged and with his crew surrounding him. The party thrown by King Neptune echoes dimly in the background, melding gently with the chattering of his crew around him. Zoro sleeping on the ground by Luffy, Chopper atop of him, Usopp and Sanji murmuring together as they eat, the rest of the crew standing around, gazing at their captain who has given so much for them – who has just returned to them.

(They move in groups, now, and when Luffy left the party to talk to Jimbe the rest of them followed. It’s been far too long since they’ve been together and they are reluctant to part from each other.

Never again, they whisper, never again.)

Jimbe is new to them but not, there when they weren’t. He’s comfortable with Luffy, even if he is surprised when Luffy slumps against his side, curling under his arm to sleep away his injuries. There’s a terrible sort of fondness on his face as he looks at their Captain, one they all know is reflected on their own faces.

Luffy – he saves people. More than just in body, but in spirit, taking their dreams and shouldering them on his own until they are strong enough to carry themselves. Selfishly selfless, forcing people to rise and chase what every pirate holds dear.

A dream.

Jimbe hasn’t said his yet, but he’ll get there if Luffy has to drag him there kicking and screaming like he’s done the rest of them.

Though… his eyes hold nothing but devotion as he stares at the Straw Hat’s captain, so it’s more than likely he’ll just follow Luffy.

All the way to Raftel.

Luffy utters a quiet snore, burrowing close into Jimbe, bandages falling and revealing a reddened scar, and suddenly the Straw Hats find themselves with a purpose here.

But like in all things, Luffy is the one to make the first move. The way he has tugged on Jimbe’s kimono, has pulled it to the side, displaying the tattoo of the Sun Pirates, red and vibrant and –

A mass of scar tissue, burned and dark against blue scales, in the same shape as their captain’s.

It’s like the world goes quiet as Jimbe readjusts.

Like another weight has been added to the shoulders of those who love Straw Hat Luffy but weren’t there when he needed them most. Like chains, like nails down the throat, a horrible, awful realization that at Marineford, it hadn’t just been Ace who took a hit for their captain.

Jimbe had too.

He doesn’t talk about it, doesn’t seem to notice the way every Straw Hat has paled or gone wide eyed or slacked jawed (for those without visible skin or eyes.) He just quietly adjusts Luffy, hand ghosting over the scar on his chest, and settles back down.

Nami swallows, throat sick. “Jimbe?” She asks, knowing that he’ll answer her if no one else. “You were at Marineford, right?”

(Even in his sleep, slumbering away, Luffy winces at the name.)

Jimbe is quiet for a beat, then – “Aye. And Impel Down.”

“And afterwards,” Robin says smoothly, eyes bright with the knowledge of a historian who scoured every source for information about her captain.

Jimbe nods. “And afterwards, until Rayleigh took over.”

Everything. He was here for everything.

“Then...” Nami swallows and blinks back her tears. “You were with Luffy when A-“ His name feels forbidden. Taboo. “When his brother died.”

“Aye.” Jimbe’s words are soft as he lays a hand on Luffy’s shoulder, gently calming him from the twist his face takes, even asleep. “I was.”

Nami wants to ask what happens. She wants to know, wants to hold her captain, wants to say It’s okay, wants to know what hurt him so he will never hurt again, and Jimbe can give her these answers but –

The past doesn’t matter aboard their ship of dreams. Luffy had not listened to her story, not until she wanted to tell him herself. He had freed her from her chains, took her by the hand and led her to the horizon that she could map all her own.

Her throat closes up when she thinks about trying to learn his hurts, when he knew not to bother her own.

She can’t do that.

She can’t.

Instead, she lets her lips remain loyally closed as she watches the way Jimbe cradles their captain, as if he was the most precious thing he could think of.

(And really this man – who had conquered gods and armies and kings, yet still smiled so gently at his nakama and the sea breeze – he is.)

But Jimbe speaks anyway, and it’s not a betrayal of loyalty because he was there, when none of them were.

“I knew Ace, before Marineford.” They all hide flinches at the name. Jimbe gives them a somber gaze, and moves on. “We battled, before he joined Whitebeard’s crew and afterwards were friends. I refused to fight in Marineford for his sake, and was instead bound in Impel down, in the same cell as him. There… he told me about his little brother.” His gaze, impossibly, turns even softer. “He would just chatter on… smiling, in the face of death, as he told me about how reckless this boy was. How foolish. How loyal.” He tilts his head back up to the sky then. “He asked me to take care of his little brother.”

Nami’s heart stops. Usopp gasps. Sanji drops his plate. Chopper starts crying. Zoro’s eyes flash open for the first time.

(Under the hot sun of Alabasta, on a ship aboard a river, a man with freckles and a smile had asked, A little brother like that makes a big brother worry - Take care of him for me, okay?

They failed.)

“I failed,” Jimbe says, simply, but his words are draped in pain and agony, as his hand rises to his chest again, in a similar motion to what their captain has done, several times since they have reunited. “And that can never be forgiven.”

“But you were there,” Robin says, just as simple, her voice cracking. “And you saved our captain – didn’t you?”

Jimbe’s hand loosens its hold. “Ace had just died. We were running from Akainu and… I was holding Luffy. My own body was not enough to shield him – I failed-“

“Stop.” Zoro’s words silence the room, accept for Luffy, snoring gently into Jimbe’s side. “You were there, Jimbe.” He gets on to his knees, sword laying across his slap as Chopper is pushed to the side. “We were not. Thank you, for saving him.”

And then – Zoro, future world’s greatest swordsman, the pirate hunter, the demon – he bows, low to the ground, in a gesture of thanks.

It is brief, and quick, but Nami follows instantly, folding over in thanks as the rest of the crew does the same.

This is their crewmate – their future crewmate, from what he told Luffy – who was there when they were not, and took a blow for Luffy straight through his chest that would have otherwise been fatal.

Without Jimbe, their captain would not have had a chance to live.

What is a moment, bowed over, to something as insurmountable as that?

“I – please, do not bow to me!” Jimbe rushes to say, stuttering, eyes wide when Nami looks out. One hand is held out while the other, always protective, lays around Luffy’s shoulder. “It was my duty to do so, my responsibility, same as any of you. Luffy – he’s the man who will become King of the Pirates. To follow him is enough thanks.” His words ring loud. Ring true.

This is the man Luffy wanted on his crew for two years.

Nami can see why.

His faith – the faith that moves seas, moves mountains, changes the world, the faith in one straw hatted man – that’s the faith of all her crew,

She wasn’t sure about Jimbe.

(He had been the cause of so much of her pain – but he didn’t choose to hurt her. He would never, now.)

She is now.

Zoro, ever the leader, ever the loyal first mate, looks up and settles back down. It reminds Nami so much of Water 7, except here their entire crew is present, and here, they will not be fractured ever again.

(She will make sure that happens – by any means necessary.)

“It is our responsibility.” Zoro acknowledges. “We grew stronger over these past few years, on our captain’s orders – did you?”

His single eye pierces Jimbe, and Nami can see him swallow. But he stares back, unafraid, a true helmsman always following the course.

“Aye,” Jimbe says, and the tension is shattered by Luffy turning entirely over in his sleep, shirt shifting to display his scar, but his face entirely peaceful.

They ease back into their conversations, debts settled, crewmates thanked and now equals. It’ll be a few minutes before Luffy is up, running for adventure with them following on his heels but for now –

Now, the savior of their captains rests easy with Luffy by his side, and everything is okay.

(Later, months later, after Wano and after Whole Cake and after Emperors, Nami will see Luffy sit up at night as they all camp out in the aquarium. He will clutch his chest, and curl in on himself, deadly quiet and pale. His fingers will dig in, and dig in, and dig in, and all Nami will do is watch until –

Jimbe sits up and catches Luffy’s hand in his own, his other mirroring Luffy’s position and clutching at his own scar. He will say breathe, and Luffy will breathe, and –

Their captain will be strong, surrounded by those who were not there, and smiling, if dimly, at the one who was.

And, for once, matching scars won’t hurt as bad.)

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kilibaggins · 3 years

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We Can Move On Together

(why are there no gifs that fit this story setting... sadness)

Request: Requests? I'd love a prompt of Murphy and Clarke. Something along the lines of Murphy apologize for betraying Clarke before and something along the lines of them realizing they're similar in many ways. Bonus points if they hug. (Because let's face it, these two babies need hugs.)

A/N: Yes! I love this prompt! I’m sorry if I went a little off the rails, since I also make Clarke apologize slightly, but I just felt it fit better than Just having Murphy sit there and apologize, yknow?

Setting: Somewhere between the end of season 6 and the beginning of Season 7.

Warnings: None really? Slight mentions of torture and the hanging, but I dont think much else? If there’s anything else, feel free to tell me!

Word Count: 813

~~~

Clarke walks out of her bedroom door to see Murphy sitting to the side of it, his one leg stretched out in front of him, and his other is bent up towards his chest. She looks down at him, confusion ghosting her features.

"Uh, Murphy?" She asks, and Murphy looks up to her, biting his thumb nail.

"Oh. Uh, Hey." He says, and then looks back towards the wall in front of him. Clarke tilts her head and walks in front of him, standing in-between him and the wall. Murphy looks up at her again, his eyes finding hers. She see's his eyes are wet, and slightly red.

'What's going on?" Clarke asks, concern in her voice. She kneels down in front to him, putting a hand on his outstretched leg. Murphy sighs loudly and looks to the side, not wanting to face her.

'I'm sorry." Murphy says, his voice low. He looks forward at Clarke, pushing past his nervous-ness. Clarke watches him for a few minutes, waiting for him to elaborate but he never does.

"Sorry for what?" She asks, and Murphy scoffs.

"Where to begin?" He snarks and shakes his head, looking down at the floor. "Everything."

"Everything?" Clarke asks. Murphy looks back up to her eyes.

"Yeah. Everything. For being an ass when we met. For treating you like everything was your fault, for staying angry at you for so long no matter what you did. For Josephine. For... For your mom." He says, his voice cracking, and tears welling up in his eyes. "I never wanted this. I never wanted to be the guy who chased people away. I never wanted to be who i was when we first landed. I never wanted to be the guy who was seen as a traitor. I didn't want this, and I don't want you hurt." Murphy continues, and Clarke listens, letting Murphy get everything out. Honestly, she had forgiven him for how he was in the beginning. They had all been young, we let our emotions, which had mostly been anger, to influence everything they did. She had grown since then, and she knows Murphy has too. She'd never want to be remembered by what she has done in the past, so why should we do it to Murphy?

"It's okay. People make mistakes." Clarke says, hoping she sounds sincere enough to show Murphy that she means it.

"Yeah, but I've done it too many times... Just let me apologize. Don't try and act like what I have done isn't bad." Murphy says. Clarke sighs softly and sit next to him now, her back against the wall.

"We've both done things to each other that weren't good, Murphy. All that matters is the steps we take moving forward. I forgive you." Clarke says, her voice soft. Murphy turns his head to her and nods slowly.

"Okay, okay good. About your mom-"

"Don't. Please." Clarke interrupts, and Murphy sighs. "I know you didn't want it to happen. It's okay. I don't blame you." And Murphy feels a weight lift from his chest.

"Okay." Murphy says simply, letting his head rest against the wall.

"You know... I'm sorry for the past too. I know I didn't always treat you the best." Clarke says, and Murphy shrugs.

"You were never as bad as I was. You cared even after I got banished." Murphy says, remembering back to that time. He tries to avoid it, since the very thought of the torture makes his stomach twist.

"Sometimes I forget that was our lives. It's been so long, and we've been through so much, it just doesn't feel real anymore." Clarke says, and Murphy nods.

"Yeah." Murphy says, even if he personally doesn't feel that way. Sometimes the hanging, and the week that came afterward, feel like it was just yesterday. Sometimes it even feels like he is experiencing it. He need to start talking to Jackson.

"Murphy, our lives are weird. Just know that I forgive you. And you are able to redeem yourself in any way you feel is needed." Clarke says, and Murphy smiles.

"You too." Murphy says, and Clarke leans over and hugs him, Murphy freezes for a second before smiling and hugging back. Clarke pulls back and pats Murphy's knee.

"Alright. We need to get out there and re-make sanctum." Clarke says, and Murphy agrees.

"It's going to be hard. Those guys won't listen to you." Murphy says, watching as Clarke stands up. Clarke smirks down at him.

"Yeah, but I've got you, I think I'll be okay." She reaches out a hand, and Murphy smiles. Forgiveness is something that he never thought he'd achieve from anyone. He can help her. He can be here for his friend, and he can help her re-build sanctum. He can do what he refused to do when they first landed. He grabs her hand.

#ry.original #the 100 #t100 #the100 #clarke griffin #john murphy #platonic clurphy #the 100 fic #the100 fic #t100 fic #the100fic #t100fic #idk what else to tag #reblogs > likes #sdfkjdfsjkfsdjk

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angeliclunaetic · 4 years

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just thinking back to the day i met him, till now and,, there was always something about him. something that drew me in and everything just felt right. That day we met,, something about him just drew me in. idk if it was his sense of humor or just how polite n sweet and caring he was in general but it was,, something. idek why i even texted him in the first place. i just commented on his stuff and decided to text him. we talked for a few and then he showed me a pic of himself and i was just,, in awe. he really was the cutest thing ever. yes i had thought abt using him when i first saw him but,, i couldnt even if i had wanted to. i seen his pic and thought “yeah he looks like he’d be easy to use” but then by the end of texting him that night,, i fell so deeply for him. actually no. i already fell for him. way before we even met. that must be how everything felt so right. but just texting him a little bit that first night,, i just instantly wanted to know more about him. i never even talked abt someone else to my gc and for some reason i had the urge to talk about him,, like i knew he was the one but didn’t realize it. and then when we called for the first time,, i swear i had butterflies. even though i was otp with him and his friend,, i was so nervous to just talk to him. i had thought of him as my crush at that point. no one had ever made me feel that way. i never got so nervous to talk to anyone. i wanted to stay quiet that entire time so i wouldnt say something stupid and embarrass myself but something about him,, made me want to be so open. so i talked to him,, and when we got off the phone of our first call,, i was so incredibly sad. i wanted to talk to him more and more and i just wanted to call him again already,, but i wasnt sure how he had felt or if he even felt the same. i thought he did but i didnt wanna assume and make a fool out of myself. i wasnt sure if he had a crush or if he was just being nice. but after a while it was easy to realize. he was way too sweet and caring to me. more than a friend should be. he was there for me the night i was bawling otp w my ex. and he got mad and upset about how my ex was treating me in a way that was different than just my friends. and thats what made me fall for him even more. just him. being himself. him being so sweet. so caring. him just being there for me and not judging me and wanting others to treat me right. and when we videocalled that first time,,i was so nervous. i was worried he’d see what i look like and not be attracted to me anymore. but he still was. but i was so nervous anyways. but when i saw him on video call for the first time,, i was in shock. how could someone be so cute. so perfect. how could someone capture my heart just by simply smiling at me. i knew from then, that i, was in love with him. i wanted to be his so badly. but when he had asked me out i wanted to just scream yes at him,, but something in my mind told me to just calm down and wait,, however a part of me was worried that if i had made him wait that he’d find someone better and leave me. but he didn’t he stayed. even after that night i had told him everything. of how i used to use people and how i had originally planned to use him and he still stayed. i swear i felt my heart break that night and i was crying so much out of fear that he’d leave me before we even got together. i had such strong feelings for him and i wanted him to be mine. but i wanted to make sure i was away from,, that thing,, and that i fully loved him before i got into anything serious. i didnt wanna jump from relationship to relationship either. a part of me just wanted to be single and just have fun. but just,, talking to him and texting him,, i wanted him. i didnt care if i wasnt single. i just wanted him. but also a part of me didnt want to love again. or “love” as i should say considering i never loved anyone before him. i was mentally and emotionally exhausted and relationships are just so much work and you have to give someone such a large piece of yourself and i wouldnt be able to handle being broken again. so many thoughts ran through my head. “what if i dont love him, what if im just attracted to him because im going through things and he’s there for me” “what if he wont wait for me” “what if he doesnt like me “ “what if im using him and dont realize” “what if i get hurt” all these “what if’s” and i never once thought abt the reality of it all. that i, had feelings for him. that he felt the same. that he was willing to wait for me, even if it took years. that he would never hurt me and even allowed himself to be hurt by me if that meant even just getting a chance at me loving him. i guess i was just so worried and just in shock. no ones felt so deeply for me before.and that night that i had asked him out,,, i had seen a pic of my ex with this new girl and i felt absolutely nothing towards it. so then,, thats when i knew. i was over him. that emotional attachment was gone. and my feelings for sam were real. and we had called that night,, that entire night i was so nervous and got butterflies, and i realized i never stopped smiling once during that whole phone call. and after we got of,, i, once again, was extremely sad. i wanted to hear his voice talking to me for hours and hours. i wanted to smile and feel nervous and get butterflies. and at that point i was like,, fuck it. yes i was still worried that my feelings werent true. but what was the harm in trying. he was the only person to have caught my eye in like,, ever. he was on my mind that whole night and probably abt like 30 mins after we got off call i asked him out. my feelings for him were too strong. i was worried he wouldnt wait and i couldnt risk losing someone as special as him to someone else,, if i did, i wouldve never forgiven myself. im glad i asked him out. even though i had surprised myself by it,, i just couldnt wait any longer,, i needed to make him mine. and i did. and i wouldnt change it for the world. the first month for me was very,, rough. of course we were still getting to know each other and our boundaries,, and i of course made some mistakes. my fears of possibly not having true feelings were coming back. and it pushed him away because he didnt wanna get hurt. and he almost left me. those two nights that we had an issue and he had left me,, they broke me. they really did. that was the worst i had ever been. the crying,, the screaming,, the anger and complete sadness i felt. i felt as if i had lost everything. i felt as if i had nothing left. if i didnt have him,, then,, who am i. im nothing without him. he’s my other half. my soulmate. and i thought i had lost him. im glad im so annoying and clingy otherwise i’d be so fucking heartbroken without him. we had only been together for less than a month those two times and yet i felt so strongly for him. nothing has ever made me feel this way. i had never wanted to keep someone in my life so bad before. it was like,, i needed him to breathe. i needed him to smile. i just,, needed him. i cant live without him. just thinking about a life without him makes me fucking sick. i want him and only him for the rest of our lives. no one can even compare to him. im just,, in shock. like im really in love with him and it just amazes me. im sitting here writing this as he’s sound asleep and i just. i miss him a lot. i guess all my feelings are coming out now since ive been distant the past month but,, i dont care. ill gladly shout from the rooftops how much i love him. god there’s so much more i could say about us. even before we started dating. i cant get over the rush i felt. the excitement, the nerves, the butterflies,, even all the “what if’s”,, i still get nervous and get butterflies when talking to him but ofc they’re not gonna be as strong as when we had met and declared our love for each other. speaking of love,, now im reminded of the day i had told him that i love him,, we had “argued” the day before and i thought i had lost him for good,, and that next day,,i wanted nothing more than to just hold him and kiss him and tell him that i love him. i know the words “i love you” is such a meaningful thing,, i couldnt help but tell him. its exactly how i felt. i loved him. i couldnt be apart from him,, even after only a week of dating him,, i was in love that night i thought he was leaving me for good,, absolutely broke me. and the next day i just wanted to hold him tight and never let him go. even though i was so nervous to tell him that i loved him,, i just,, i knew i was sure. no one had ever made me feel so strongly about them. yeah ive cried over my ex. but nothing could ever compare to just the complete distraught i felt that night. that crying so much it burned my throat and threw up,, the screaming,, just the complete sadness and anger i felt. after that,, i knew i loved him, and i wasnt afraid to tell him. i was nervous bc of how he’d react but i knew that i was never more sure of anything else in my life. i love him. and i want to be with him forever.

#lovenotesforsam

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let-it-raines · 5 years

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Second in Command (Epilogue - Part Seven)

Summary: Life as the “spare to the heir” isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be when you’re the supposed screw-up of the family, but people don’t know what really happens behind closed doors.

Rating: Mature

A/N: You guys are totally going to be annoyed with me for how I left it on a cliffhanger when I totally didn’t have to except to show some character growth and how things change...which I guess is exactly the reason I ended it that way :D

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

Tumblr Chapters: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20

Epilogue Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

Tag list: @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @kmomof4 @wellhellotragic @ekr032-blog-blog @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615@a-faekindagirl @mayquita @captainsjedi @captswanis4vr @kristi555 @teamhook @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @branlovesouat @dreadpirateemma @alys07 @andiirivera

“Can I come in, son?”

“Yeah, of course,” Killian answers automatically, the shock of his father just showing up at his door stunning him for only a moment. It’s not like he never visits. He usually just calls or texts first. “I didn’t know you were coming over, dad. Why didn’t you call?”

“Oh, I was visiting the kids and thought I’d drop by since I knew that the two of you had returned home.” His dad steps inside, squeezing his shoulder before leaning down to pet Indy. “Hello, darling,” he then greets Emma, kissing her cheek before wrapping her up in a hug. “How are you feeling today?”

“Good, good,” Emma insists, her eyes still blown wide as if she’s actually been shocked. He knows she’s still a bit rattled from the flight and her nausea. The same thing had happened when they went out sailing the morning of their anniversary, before the disaster of the rest of that day, and even though he had been wary of it, Emma insisted she was fine. She never said she wasn’t, but the green of her face told him otherwise. “How are you?”

“Kicking pretty high for my age.”

“You are not old,” she laughs, tugging on Indy’s leash. “Do you mind if I take Indy for a quick walk? Let her run around a bit. She’s been told she’s going outside, and I’m afraid she’ll freak out if she doesn’t get to go.”

“Of course, dear. I’ll chat with Killian, and the second you two come back inside, I want to hear all about how you’ve been since you left us to go holiday in the warm sunshine. I swear it’s rained for the past week.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Emma takes a step over toward him, leaning up and kissing his cheek, whispering that she’ll be right back before taking a step outside with Indy and leaving him with his dad.

“Do you want something to drink? Eat?”

“I’m fine.” His father begins walking to the living room, settling down into the recliner he prefers when visiting all while Killian sits down on the couch next to him, only a side table between them. “So how was your holiday?”

He almost chokes on his own saliva thinking of all of the things he absolutely cannot tell his father about their holiday as well as wondering if he should bring up the privacy issue just yet. He doesn’t know, is never truly sure about these types of things. He could have a nice, normal conversation with his father or it could turn into another tense, stressful one. He’s had enough of those for a lifetime, but he also knows that he doesn’t have all of the time in the world to fix this. He’s got fewer than four months, really.

“It was wonderful,” he finally answers, his lips ticking up on one side. It really was wonderful to get away with Emma and only have each other for awhile despite the disaster that was their anniversary. It got better, though. It wasn’t completely bad. They had the sailing trip and the takeout meal that was better than anything else they’d eaten if only for how comfortable they both felt. He felt his son move for the first time, which was bloody brilliant and most definitely his new favorite thing. “It’s a gorgeous island. Emma mentioned something about asking you to make our beaches like that.”

Brennan barks out a laugh, the wrinkles on his face all gathering together while his gray hair shakes the slightest bit. If Killian was a betting man, he’d guess his dad is getting his hair cut in the next two or three days, keeping up with his lifelong schedule of haircuts. “If only I could. That would be bloody wonderful. But I like the way she thinks.”

“She’s definitely a brilliant dreamer.” He trails off toward the end of his sentence, looking down at his hand and twisting his ring around his finger, his constant physical reminder of his lifelong commitment to Emma, as if he really needs one. “Can I talk to you about something, dad?”

“Of course.”

“I know, well, I know that things were different when I was a kid, that technology wasn’t as advanced, that I was a bit of a surprise child and that you were on the older side when I was born.”

“Well, why don’t you just call me elderly then, Killian? And you have absolutely no proof that you were a surprise child.”

His dad laughs when he speaks, but Killian isn’t finding a lot of humor in it, knowing that he’s likely going to upset Brennan with his words.

“What I mean is, I know you weren’t really, truly involved in my life. And I’m not blaming you or trying to make you feel…upset, but I need a very particular kind of advice that really only you and mum or Liam and Abigail can give. And I’m honestly not even sure you can give it.”

“What’s wrong, Killian?”

He takes a moment to collect himself, hundreds of words on the tip of his tongue but none of them feeling quite right. But he has to say something, so he might as well speak the truth.

“How the hell am I supposed to be a father in a world where I can’t protect the privacy of my wife and my child? There were, um, photographers who rented out a house and used scopes to take pictures of us on the beach. And Emma and I got into a pretty nasty argument about it. She’s worried…I’m worried about Andrew’s privacy. We want him to live a life as normal as possible. We don’t want photographers following him to school or to the park, and I just – I don’t know how to fix it.”

He’s been clenching his fist all while he talks, the tenseness in his hand almost painful while hot tears form in his eyes, every fault and every insecurity he’s had long before the fight with Emma coming back and assaulting his senses, making everything a dark, cloudy blur.

Brennan looks calm, secure, the blue of his eyes not changing while his eyelids rapidly blink, his brows furrowing and the lines on his face increasing. Has he said too much? Shown too much emotion? Asked for the impossible?

“The fact that you have very obviously beaten yourself up about this proves that you are a better dad than I ever have been.”

“That’s not what I meant, dad. I didn’t – ”

“I know, Killian. I’m not taking offense to anything. I was a poor excuse for a father for the majority of your life. I was focused on Liam, on my job, on the protocol and the way that my father raised Albert and me. All I knew was that fathers were not supposed to be close to their children, and as much as that hurt me as a child, I stupidly believed it. The fact that you have forgiven me is something I still can’t believe.”

He leans over and places his hand on Brennan’s knee, patting him before leaning back and wiping at his eyes. “I did it for me, but with the way you’ve worked to change, you deserve it.”

“Thank you, my boy.” His father smiles, settling back into his chair and crossing his hands together in his lap. “But this is not about me. This is about you and your family. So you don’t want Andrew in the public eye? At all? Is that what you’re saying?”

“I mean, we haven’t discussed it in serious length, but yes. I’m sure that Emma will be okay with releasing the occasional photo or having him join us when we go overseas so we don’t have to be apart from him, but I think we’re going to have to take a step back in traditions. And when he gets older, I think we may need to move somewhere much more private.”

The front door opens then, the alarm beep sounding at the same time that he hears the click of nails and the squeak of sneakers as well as Emma’s voice. He straightens up, fixing his hunched back and sitting against the couch in as much of a relaxed position as he can.

“Go find, Killian, girl, yeah,” Emma coos, her voice getting louder the closer she gets to the living room. And then she’s in view, Indy running in first and jumping up on the couch before getting down once she spots Brennan, less familiar people always more exciting than him. Emma walks toward him, sitting down in the seat Indy just vacated and reaching around him to tangle her fingers in his hair, stroking the strands. “What’s wrong? Your shoulders are tensed.”

How the hell does she always know?

“Killian and I,” his father answers for him, seemingly understanding that Killian wasn’t sure what to say, “were simply talking about how you two seem to be suffering from some privacy issues and are worried about your child’s future, that you want Andrew to lead a more private life than normal.”

“Oh,” Emma gulps, her hand stilling in his hair before beginning again, “well, yeah. I know that we all grew up differently and that my childhood isn’t really an option, but that’s what I want, what we want. We want him to be able to be a kid, you know? I don’t want him to be used to cameras everywhere he goes. I don’t know how we’d fix that, but that’s definitely my top priority right now. And forever probably.”

His hand finds Emma’s knee, thumb running back and forth over the material of her leggings while she speaks. He’s here with her, for her, consistently, and he hopes that she knows this.

“Why don’t you two give me some time to think things over? I’ll meet with security. We’ll work out some plans and ideas. You two should probably talk to Liam and Abigail. It’s not, well, it won’t be exactly the same. You have more freedom than them, and they’re not quite as private as the two of you. But they do have experience in all of this.” “Thank you, Brennan,” Emma sighs, leaning back into the couch and scratching at his neck, his eyes fluttering closed for a quick moment.

“Of course, but at the end of the day, above everything else, we’re a family. How you two feel is far more important than any sort of duty and tradition we have, even if I do ask that we stick to the important ones.”

“Actually, I have something else that I want to talk about.”

His head snaps to her, eyes searching for what she has to say, but she’s not looking at him, her gaze trained on the wag of Indy’s tail while her fingers tap over his on her leg, the hand in his hair having stilled.

“What do you want to talk about, love?”

She looks at him then, the smallest of smiles on her face that comforts him the slightest bit, before directing her gaze to Brennan. “I don’t want to walk out of the hospital all made up hours after giving birth. Kudos to Abigail. She is a badass woman for that, but that’s not what I want. Andy doesn’t need to be exposed to so many people as a newborn. I don’t need to be all dressed up when I’ve just given birth. I don’t care about tradition when it comes to this. This is what I’m doing, and I really feel like it’s the first step in taking a stand about him not being some kind of public property.”

He didn’t know she felt that way about any of that, nearly every word she said news to him, but he gets it, supports it. If that’s what Emma wants for this, that’s what they’ll do. He’s never quite understood that tradition anyways, and he likes the idea of a more private celebration with just them and their families while Emma heals and they adjust to the terrifying process of being parents for the first time.

“I’m not sure we can do that, dear.”

“What?” His head snaps over to his dad, trying to process the words. “You literally just said that how we feel is more important than any duty we have.”

“But that we need to stick to the important traditions, yes. New family members are an important tradition.”

“Brennan,” Emma grits, her voice strained as she tries to keep it friendly, “I respect our family and all of the traditions we have, but I am not some kind of human machine who’s only here to produce babies. Yes, of course this is a big deal, but it’s a big deal for us as a personal family, not as some part of the institution. You can still put the sign up, make any and all announcements you want. Hell, I’ll release a picture if we have to, but all I’m asking is that we’re allowed to leave and travel home in peace.”

“I agree, dad. I mean, really. Of all of the things we break and bend, of all of the things we change, surely you can let this one thing go? It’s not hundreds of years ago where people are faking pregnancies and paternities to keep the line intact, which was ridiculous then. I think letting family be family is the most important thing, don’t you?”

“Aye, it’s just…you’ll have to forgive me.” Brennan runs his hand over his face, visibly warring something within himself, the lines on his face stressing. “You were right earlier when you said things are different now. These are not things that I really went through with you, not as prevalent as you. Emma, dear, I’m sorry. I don’t…I shouldn’t have ever considered making you do something you’re not comfortable with. I love you dearly, and you and Killian know what’s best here, not me.”

“I don’t want to disappoint you,” Emma says, getting up from the couch and sitting down on the edge of the coffee table so that she can squeeze Brennan’s hand. “You are so brilliant, and you uphold this family so well. I know that I’m different, that it was difficult to accept me, but change can be good, you know?”

“I know.”

Brennan stays for a little while longer, hashing out a few more details with them before accepting a cup of tea and some food, finally listening to them talk about their holiday all the while scratching behind Indy’s ears, her eyes closed in bliss the entire time. It’s peaceful, relaxing, and he feels his shoulders loosen the longer the conversation goes on, Emma’s laughter and joyful voice sounding throughout the room. In the back of his mind, though, he keeps replaying the conversation, thinking of everything he said, everything they all said, and he’s amazed it all went as smoothly as it did, surprised that his father acquiesced to their private exit from the hospital so easily. He had no idea that Emma wanted that, and he wonders how long she’s been toying with the idea, how many late nights she’s spent worrying about bringing it up. He knows she didn’t just think of it now, that it wasn’t spur of the moment, and he tries to remind himself to ask her about it later, to make sure that there’s nothing else she’s hoarding inside.

She goes through enough, has gone through enough over the years, and she shouldn’t feel like she has to hold things back from him.

But he saves his thoughts for later, letting his dad leave and letting Emma take a nap, her eyes falling shut without her even laying down on the couch. He wakes her before she can get into too deep of a sleep, though, knowing that it’ll hurt her back, and helps her go upstairs to their room, ignoring the curses she’s muttering under her breath about him waking her up. While she sleeps, he goes downstairs to his office, answering emails and clearing out his inbox that he left alone while they were in Spain.

Summer is normally a slow time for them, June and July full of engagements while August is usually taken off to spend in Balmoral. Emma’s due in September, though, a few days after his birthday, and she’s not working after August begins. He is, though, doing his regular work and making a few short trips, making sure never to never travel more than three hours away in case he needs to be home.

But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have things to do now, organizing his files and reviewing the financials for Kidding a Goal until Indy comes walking into his office, her nails clicking against the wood until she’s staring up at him with her mouth wide open, tongue practically falling out of her mouth. He checks his watch and sees that it’s far past seven. He’s surprised she didn’t come and get him two hours ago.

“You ready to eat, my girl?”

That gets her tail wagging before she takes off, running toward the kitchen at such a pace that she’s probably there before he even gets up from his chair. Sure enough, she’s already waiting next to her bowl like the most well-behaved dog in the world, which is not something he expected when he and Emma decided to get a dog last year. But she’s done well, their training working most of the time, but Indy does have the tendency to lick his face when he’s sleeping. He’s not a fan of that.

But she’s his best bud and a constant companion on his runs, so it all evens out.

After feeding her, he hears footsteps coming down the stairs, Emma wandering into the kitchen with sleep-rumpled hair and pillow streaks on her face, her pajama top falling off of one shoulder. She immediately heads toward the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water and some yogurt before settling down on a barstool.

“How’d you sleep?”

She grunts in response, opening her yogurt and eating a large spoonful. “I hate being pregnant sometimes.”

“So not well then?”

“Nope. I felt like my guts were all being squeezed out, but do you know who’s not moving now that I’m awake and out of bed?”

“Andy.”

“Yep.”

She keeps eating her yogurt, quickly finishing it up before getting another carton. He should probably fix something for dinner so she doesn’t consume the entire yogurt supply in their fridge.

“Hey, sweetheart?”

“Yeah?” she mumbles, pulling her spoon out of her mouth and looking up at him, her hair deflating the slightest bit from when she came down.

“You want to tell me what that was earlier? With my dad. When did you decide you didn’t want to do the public announcement?”

“Oh, um, I first thought about it a few weeks ago, but it was really driven home after last week. Why? You have an issue with it?”

“No,” he laughs, leaning down across from her and propping his elbows on the counter. “I think it’s bloody brilliant, that you are brilliant. I like that you want to do things your way…our way. It’s very sexy.” “Oh boy, if you’re looking to get laid right now that is not happening.”

“Well damn. Now I have no reason to compliment you.”

“Shut up,” she groans, tossing her spoon over into the sink, the metal clanking. “But seriously, you’re okay with all that, right?”

“Of course. I want you to do what makes you comfortable. I’m not the one giving birth.”

“Damn right. I think I’m going to give your dad a heart attack though.”

“Aye, definitely. I know he’s trying and he’s being accommodating, but I could practically see the fear of breaking traditions rolling off of him in anxiety-filled waves. But he’s seventy-three. Some things just aren’t going to change.”

“So basically we hit the jackpot today?”

“Yep.” He walks over to the fridge, opening it up and seeing what they have left over from before they left. “What do you want for dinner?”

-/-

“Bloody buggering hell,” he curses, bringing his thumb to his mouth and soothing where he just jammed his finger on the wood.

Building a crib should not be this difficult, but it apparently is. He’s been following the instructions exactly, making sure that each piece is doubly secure, and he’s not sure how it’s taking this long. He should be finished, this crib should be made, and he should be able to move onto the shelves or Emma’s glider that she was insistent on them getting.

He’s spent more time in this room in the past month than he has in any other room in the house, June somehow running away with itself all while he’s been hidden away within these four walls. It took a month and a half for he and Emma to decide on a simple light gray, one that he’s pretty sure is also in their bedroom, but honestly, once they both agreed on the color (likely because they have agreed on it once before), he wasn’t going to say anything else. He did pick out the gray-ish blue that’s on the wall with the shelves (or at least where they’ll go once he gets to them), so he’s pretty proud of it.

Neither he or Emma are much one for designing, though they have gotten a bit more into it since the remodel of the apartment, but he’s pretty proud of how Andy’s room is shaping up, even if the lad will stay in the bassinet in their room for awhile. It’s a simple room, clean lines and clean colors. All of the furniture are different shades of white and warm browns, woods really, with natural accents. Abigail gifted them a large wooden giraffe along with some leaf and animal prints, so those are sitting in the corner waiting to be placed after all of this furniture is built.

His favorite part, though, is definitely going to be the little sitting area by the shelves and the changing table. He’s not under any impression that this is going to be a calm room, a place to relax, but he figures there have to be times when he’s rocking Andy back to sleep in that very spot, the shelves filled with colorful children’s books that’ll become routine reading one day as well as being filled with several stuffed animals and photo frames that he can’t wait to update with pictures. Of course, the cabinets below will be filled with the essentials, the things no one likes to talk about like diapers and nipple cream (that was something Emma did not want to know about, and he honestly doesn’t blame her), but they’re definitely still in the dreamy, picture perfect nursery phase where the messiness of a child isn’t quite a factor.

Really to him, as much as he knows this is real, as much as he sees the physical proof, feels the physical proof (which holy shit is it incredible to be able to feel his son move), it’s still difficult for him to comprehend that in two months he and Emma will have a child. It’s something they’ve talked about for years, something they were planning on, but it’s difficult to put into words just how much love he has for his son.

And his wife.

She’s a rockstar in every sense of the word, and if he doesn’t mention it enough, Emma sure as hell will. He loves her fiercely, and that love is another thing that he can’t quite put into words. He honestly doesn’t understand men who moan and groan about their wives constantly. If anything, he finds it disgusting. Yes, you’re going to have disagreements with your significant other. That’s natural when you decide to spend your life with someone who has their own wants, needs, and opinions, but at the end of the day, his wife is his best friend. If there’s anyone he wants to spend time with, it’s her. No question.

If the answer to who your best friend isn’t your spouse or the person you’re marrying, he doesn’t understand why the hell you’d bother getting married. His mates are great, but they’re not Emma.

Maybe he is a bit of the cheeseball that Emma always claims him to be, but he likes it that way.

He’s definitely going to embarrass his kids. All of the time. He can’t wait. He’s got a few years, but he can’t wait.

“You know we can hire someone to do this, right?” Emma asks, a bit of laughter in her tone that makes him roll his eyes. His best friend, most definitely. The teasing is just a small part of that.

“Aye, but I’ve started it, and I intend on finishing it.” “Okay, but the crib doesn’t need to fall apart while there’s a baby inside of it, and the glider doesn’t need to fall apart while I’m sitting on it. That’s, like, a double disaster, and I know you lived by yourself for a long time, but I’m pretty sure you’re not capable of that anymore.”

“Oh, really? Because I was just going to make them as unsafe as possible so that I could live by myself again. I miss being able to stretch out in the bed.”

“You’re so funny,” she teases from the other side of the nursery where she’s putting away the washed clothes in the closet, organizing them by size. He swears they have enough clothes to last Andy for the first two years of his life, and that’s not counting the piles of things he knows David and Mary Margaret have at their house. “I think I may have bought him too much stuff. I don’t even think I own this many things.”

“You don’t mess your clothes up multiple times a day.”

“Good point.”

“I tend to make those.”

“Eh. Debatable.”

“Not at all debatable.” He turns back to the crib, looking at the instructions to see if he can remember where he left off before Emma distracted him. “Shit, this is impossible.”

“I can call my dad, babe. It won’t be a problem. He’s a bit handier than you.”

“Please, I am plenty handy.”

“Okay, well being handy with me is not the same as being handy when it comes to building things.”

“If we call your dad, he’s going to take over. I want to do some of this myself.”

“I will tell Dad just to help. Come on, babe, you love spending time with my dad.”

“Only now that he doesn’t give me the scary speeches anymore.”

“Yeah, I bet those were a lot of fun.”

“I mean, it’s been a solid half a decade since I’ve gotten one, but he still shakes me to my core.”

He hears Emma laugh, snort really, before she makes her way over to him, slowly settling down on the floor next to him and waving her hand until he gives her the instructions. She looks over them while looking at the crib, her eyes continuously darting between the two.

“You put part G in backwards. That’s why nothing after that is fitting.”

“Bloody hell,” he curses, reaching over and taking the instructions from her hand and checking to see if she really did just solve his problem, “how did you see that when I’ve been staring at it for the past hour?”

“Fresh eyes, my love. Fresh eyes.” She leans forward and kisses his cheek before falling back against the wall. “And that’s exactly why calling my dad and asking him to come over in the morning will be a great idea. I bet Mom will want to come too, and she does a mean job with a power drill.”

So Emma calls her parents who agree to come over in the morning. On top of moving, they’ve also begun to change around the hours of the pub, opening it earlier and letting Will close it out at night. And it’s because of this that they show up at eight in the morning, he and Emma both still asleep when their doorbell rings. Emma groans when she hears it, burying her face into his chest and making it impossible for him to get up without disturbing her. He can feel Andy summersaulting around in her belly, and he smiles to himself knowing that she’s going to have get up. She can’t sleep when he’s moving around like that.

He can’t sleep when Emma’s basically running marathons in bed, but that’s not something he’s going to voice out loud. He can get up and sleep in a guest room if he needs to. Emma can’t get up and walk away from the person who’s running marathons in her stomach.

There’s two human feet inside of her. That’s pretty weird if he thinks about it too much.

Okay, so really weird.

Slowly but surely he gets out of bed, letting Emma flip over into his spot, and heads downstairs to open the front door. David and Mary Margaret have a key, but they never use it, always waiting for either he or Emma to open the door for them, which he appreciates after one too many times having them walk in on he and Emma.

“Hi,” he greets, opening the door and ushering them inside. “Emma’s still asleep, but I’m sure she’ll wake up soon. Do you guys want some breakfast?”

“We ate at home, sweetie,” Mary Margaret greets, giving him a quick hug before David does the same. “So Emma said you guys were having some issues in the nursery.”

“I believe that it was more like Killian not being able to put together a crib in under three weeks.”

“So funny, Dave,” he bites, rolling his eyes and locking the door. “I did eventually figure it out. I just think this mid-July heat is obviously getting to me. Or maybe nerves. I’m not too sure.”

“Well, let’s go help then. We’ve got to be at the pub at two, but I think we should be able to get things done.”

After he fixes himself some coffee, not nearly as wide awake as David and Mary Margaret, they head upstairs and begin working in the nursery, assembling the shelves and drilling them into the walls in half the time that it would have taken he and Emma had they done this by themselves. So maybe help isn’t all bad. Before Emma even wakes up, they have the shelves installed and pictures securely nailed on the wall. There are books already being stacked, stuffed animals and knick knacks being placed, and all of the fun nipple creams and breast pumps being placed in the cabinet.

They’re working on the glider when Emma finally wanders in, her hair falling out of its band so that half of it spills down her back while the other half is piled on top of her head, and she’s got her glasses on, something she only does when her eyes feel too puffy to put her contacts in.

“Hey, sweetheart,” David greets, finishing tightening the screw he’s working on before getting up to embrace Emma. “How are you feeling?”

“Rough today. I think the little dude’s a giant or something because he crushes my lungs and my bladder at the same time. So I can’t breathe, and I have to pee. So, yeah, it’s fun.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Thanks, dad. It looks fantastic in here. You guys have done so much. I feel like we’re not going to have anything to do in the next two months if we finish all of this.”

“That’s kind of the point, love.”

“Yeah,” she yawns, covering her mouth, “I know. Mom, do you want to come and rest with me in my room? My back hurts today, and I just can’t sit on the floor in here with you guys.” “Of course, hon,” Mary Margaret answers, walking away from the closet and stepping over to Emma before she rubs up and down her back. “Are you sure you don’t want Killian to join you? David and I would be fine to work on our own.”

“No, it’s fine. I bug him all day, and I’m kind of thinking that you can paint my toes for me or we can watch movies or something. It’s been awhile since we’ve done that.”

“Text me if you need me, love,” he tells Emma, his eyes tracing over her in a bit of concern. It’s difficult watching her be uncomfortable or miserable on some days when he literally can’t do anything about it.

“Yeah, babe, I will.”

Emma and Mary Margaret walk out of the room, their voices fading away as they walk into their bedroom one room over, and he’s left with just David who promptly gets back to work finishing building the chair. Music plays in the background, an eighties’ playlist he thinks, and it doesn’t take longer before the chair is completely together and he’s sitting in it testing it out. It’s comfortable, probably one of the best seats they have in the house, and he can definitely understand why Emma insisted on this one after shopping around a bit.

“How does someone so small have so much stuff?”

“My child is twenty-eight years old, we don’t even live in her childhood home anymore, and I swear things of hers still pop up all of the time.”

“That’s likely because Emma leaves everything all over the place.”

He folds his hands behind his head, closing his eyes and rocking back and forth while Cherry Bomb plays in the background, which is definitely not a nursery appropriate song. Or maybe it is. Who needs Mozart when you can have The Runaways?

“So is Emma like that every day?”

“Like what?” he asks, popping an eye open to look at David who’s sitting against the shelves, which can’t be good for his back. God, how old is he getting if his first concern is for someone else’s back?

“Exhausted.”

“No, not every day. She’s usually got a hell of a lot of energy, even if there’s always a nap. I think she had a restless night. She’ll tell me like it is, though. If she’s having a bad day, she’ll let us know.” “What about you?”

“Well, I don’t have a baby crushing my lungs and my bladder.”

“True,” David laughs, running his hands through his short hair. Killian swears it’s gotten more gray in the past year, the blonde nearly disappearing. David is only fifty-two, so he’s not exactly older. Hell, if it weren’t for the wrinkles on his forehead and the gray hairs outnumbering the blonde, he’d look much younger. “But I remember being a dad for the first time. It’s terrifying, so you’re allowed to be scared.”

“I am. It’s…” He reaches up and scratches behind his ear, his hair getting long enough that he knows he needs to get a haircut soon. “Emma and I try to make sure that we keep up our normal routines, that we have our normal conversations without talking too much about the baby, but it’s kind of hard, you know? It’s like we’ll be talking about going out to eat and two minutes later we’re making a list of middle names or speculating if he’s going to look more like me or Emma.”

“I know. But it’s an exciting time, Killian. There will never be anything like it, and if you want to talk about the fact that you’re having a kid, you should. You and Emma have been together for so long, and I really don’t think your relationship is going to struggle if you’re not sitting around making references no one else understands for hours on end.”

“Oi,” he protests, resisting the urge to pick up the toy elephant next to him and throw it at David, “that is your daughter you’re mocking, and she can still kick your ass.”

“Trust me, I know. Who do you think raised her to be like that?”

“Mary Margaret.”

“You’re walking a thin line.”

He winks at David, his lips ticking up on the right into a smirk. “I know. You and Mary Margaret did such a good job, still do such a good job, and even with all of the times you’ve messed up – ”

“ – which is a lot more often than even Emma has probably told you.”

“I just…you’re a good dad, Dave. To Emma, to me. I hope I can do half as good as a job.”

“You’ll be great, Killian.” David smiles at him, something genuine, and Killian’s reminded of how much David really has impacted his life in all of the best ways. “I promise. And as much as I love you, I do love my little girl more, and she’s going to be amazing. She’s always…she’s never been too open to a lot of people, but the people she loves, she loves so fiercely, you know? And she’s already doing so well at being a mom. She’ll call me at nights, and I can just hear the happiness and excitement in her voice. At the end of the day, that’s all you want, you know? For your kid to be healthy and happy.”

“Yeah, I know.” He smiles to himself, thinking of how happy he is. “Also, how dare you imply that you love your own daughter more than me. I thought I meant more to you than that. I thought we had something special, man.”

“I can still give you hell. I’d watch yourself.”

He and David finish up in the nursery for the next few hours until David and Mary Margaret have to go to work, leaving after the three of them eat lunch down in the kitchen, Emma staying upstairs for a nap. When the Nolans are gone and he’s finished eating, he heads upstairs, bypassing the nursery and walking into their bedroom where Emma is sitting up on the bed watching TV.

“Your toes look nice,” he compliments, grabbing onto her big toe and moving it back and forth. “Do you feel any better?”

“Yeah,” she sighs, twisting onto her back and scooting up the bed, “it’s just one of those days, you know? I’m not usually this miserable.”

“I know, but it’s okay to have bad days, love.”

“Come here,” she tells him, crooking her fingers and motioning toward him before she turns on her side and wraps her arms around her pillow. He does as she asks, kicking off his sneakers and crawling up into the bed, the mattress moving against his weight until he’s pressed up behind her, his knee stuck between her thighs and his arm wrapped around her waist while the other rests above her head. This is how she’s been comfortable lately, and he can’t say he minds. “Did you guys get a lot done?”

“Aye, it’s almost all finished.” He moves her hair off of her neck, placing a kiss there before resting his chin on her shoulder. “It just needs your finishing touches, I think.”

“And we have to unpack all of the boxes that are in the guest room and put them away in the closet.” “That too, but we’ve got time, Emma.” She hums, and he can feel the vibrations as well as Andy moving around under his touch, the movements following how he taps his fingers. “Has he been active today?”

“Not since I woke up, but he always responds to your voice.” “Yeah, he recognizes me?”

“Of course, you talk so damn much. How could he not?”

He turns his head and presses a kiss against her jaw, biting a bit just to tease her. “You are not a very nice woman, my love.”

“Oh please, I’m, like, the seventh nicest person you know.”

“Seventh?”

“I figured it was conceited to put me at number one.”

“Possibly.” He moves his hand against her stomach again, snaking his fingers up under her pajama top so that he can feel the warmth of her skin. “So he really does get more active when I talk?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty weird to think about, but it’s true. He likes when you talk. I think it’s because you’re a much better story teller than me.” “I mean, obviously.”

“And that he’s probably just glad to hear someone else besides me. Imagine being stuck with someone for nine months. Good God.”

“Well, I’m stuck with you for forever. Good God.”

She groans and curses him under his breath before she scoots over and turns in his arms, slowly but surely moving to face him. “Don’t be an asshole. Also, so I was talking to mom today, and she wants to be called Mimi. I think Dad wants to be called Papa, which I like as long as that’s not what you want. I know that’s what some kids call their dads.”

“Aye, it’s what Lizzie calls Liam, which is weird since Alex doesn’t do that. But I’m okay with dad or daddy, so David can be called Papa.”

“Yeah, I kind of like it. Mimi and Papa. And then your parents are Gammy and Grandpa, right? That’s what Alex and Lizzie call them.”

“Aye, but I know Mom didn’t want to be Gammy. It’s just what happened. She says it makes her feel old.”

“Your mom is not old.”

“I know, but considering your parents are barely fifty while my parents are in their sixties and seventies, it doesn’t help.”

“I’ll tell my parents to get older then.”

He smiles at her before closing his eyes and settling into his pillow, letting his head sink down into the softness. It’s calming in here, the lights turned off and curtains closed while the ceiling fan hums a steady rhythm above them. He could fall asleep like this even if he’s not the biggest fan of naps, always somehow ending up groggy when he wakes up, and it doesn’t help with the way that Emma is playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, her fingers scratching into his scalp.

“Are you working tomorrow?”

He pops an eye open, looking at Emma and smiling when her nail hits a particularly sensitive spot on his neck. “Aye, I’ve got the Investiture ceremony at ten. Why?”

“Just wondering. I was thinking we could go somewhere. Just us. Maybe take Indy to Berkshire and let her run around, spend some time outside.” “We can do it in the afternoon, if you want. I think the weather is supposed to be nice.”

“Yeah,” she sighs, leaning forward and sliding her lips over his for a brief moment, “I think that would be nice.”

The next day after he’s finished with the ceremony, he hurries home, changing out of his suit and into shorts and a t-shirt, slipping a baseball cap onto his head and grabbing something to eat for lunch while Emma does the same, her hair falling out of the back of her hat in a long ponytail. They’ve got all day, but the afternoon’s weather is pleasant enough that he’d like to go now so they can stop by a café for dinner, even if that’s the absolute last thing that Thomas will want them to do.

They want their privacy, but they should be able to go out to dinner.

So he and Emma load up into his car, letting Indy sit in the backseat with the window rolled down so she can feel the mid-July breeze blow through her fur. It doesn’t take long to get to Windsor, pulling into their parking garage less than thirty minutes later, and instead of going inside like they’d usually do, he hooks Indy up to her leash while Emma grabs some water bottles and they head to the private gardens, avoiding the visitors wandering around on tours.

As much as he prefers the spring, mild July days are near the top of his list of favorite things. Everything is brighter, more pleasant. The grass is actually greener, the flowers contrasting against their background to create a landscape of whites and shades of purple, while everything is covered in a clear blue sky, only a few white clouds scattered throughout. New life blooms, and he gets to be the one to appreciate it, to revel in it. England can be so dreary sometimes, the weather somehow reflecting the moods of most people on their morning commute to work, so he appreciates when it’s not. He’s always loved the outdoors, and if there’s any complaint he has about his home, it’s the small private garden that they have to themselves. He’d like something larger, more space to run around, and sometime in the future, he and Emma plan to spend more time in Bucklebury so that they have the privacy.

That’s what they’ve decided on since returning from Spain last month. There’s been more lengthy, draining discussions with his parents and their security team than he’s ever wanted, and as much as he feels like they haven’t really accomplished anything, he knows it’s a slow process. Of course, there are drawbacks to every positive. They’re still going to have to spend most of their time at Kensington. It’s closer to their work, to their families. Hell, Emma’s parents just bought a house so that they could have the ability to spend time with their grandchild, and now they’re going to move away from them. It’s less than an hour drive, but it’s not nearly as close as they currently are.

But everyone understands, and they don’t plan on moving any time soon, not until Andy’s a bit older. They want to be near all of their loved ones when he’s younger, and they’ve spent so much time working on their home, making it exactly how they want. It’d be difficult to leave full time, so it’ll be nice to have the option of both.

It’ll be even nicer to give Andy the most normal life that they can possibly give him.

Emma whistles next to him, her fingers between her lips, while Indy runs back to them from where they let her loose. She was about five seconds away from jumping into a pond full of fish, and as much as they’d usually let her swim, they don’t need to have a wet dog with them for the rest of the day. So she runs back to them as quickly as she can, her legs leaping in the air with her black and white fur bouncing the slightest bit. He’s convinced that she shouldn’t be able to be that quick, but she’s still just a young dog, less than a year old, and though her legs will get longer, he doesn’t think she’ll ever be full of this much energy again.

If she is, he and Emma are definitely in over their heads.

With the dog.

He’s going to choose to not think of what it’ll be like with a toddler than can run and a dog that he can run after.

After she calms from her almost pond dive, Indy walks along in front of the two of them, occasionally wandering off the stone path to sniff around in the plants, nearly tearing up several flowers until they call her back to keep walking. They stay wandering for a little over two hours, not caring where exactly they’re going or if they’re circling back around in the same spots. Indy and Emma get tired around the same time, so they settle down onto a stone bench with a patio cover that’s next to another small pond.

In the distance, he can see the Chapel where they were married, the steeple rising up above the other buildings and stone walls, and he smiles to himself thinking of that day. In the grand scheme of things, he knows that when it comes to he and Emma, as important as it was, they had so many smaller, inconsequential days that he holds just as fondly in his heart.

But that was a pretty damn good day.

He stretches his arm out over the back of the bench, wrapping it around Emma’s shoulder and tangling his fingers into the ends of her ponytail while she leans her head on his shoulder, the bill of her hat hitting him in the chin for a brief moment. He’s glad she suggested them getting away from London for a little bit, for suggesting that they change up the routine and spend a day enjoying summer, especially since they’re missing out on Scotland with the rest of the family.

A month in the same place as everyone is likely a bit long, anyways. He loves his family, but that’s a lot for anyone.

“I love you, you know?” Emma asks out of nowhere, her gaze never falling away from the rippling of the water in front of them, a fish leaping up out of the water while the lily pads float around.

He squeezes her shoulder, rubbing up and down her arm and kissing her head even if she can’t feel it through the hat. “I know. I love you too.”

#second in command #cs ff #cs fic #captain swan fic

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walmartkaligaris · 5 years

Photo

⌜ CIS FEMALE, SHE / HER | buy me diamonds by bea miller, ravenclaw, estj ⌟ ⏤ meet ANDREA PYRENA KALIGARIS ; a TWENTY year old who kind of resembles ALYCIA DEBNAM CAREY, don’t you think? they originally hailed from OLYMPUS ( ATHENS ) where they lived with their parents, HERCULES & MEGARA ( HERCULES ), but word is that they’ve been coming to terms with their mortality this past year. they’ve always been pretty AMBITIOUS & SELF-SUFFICIENT, but have gotten way more HEDONISTIC & DOMINATING since they woke up. maybe their power of WEATHER MANIPULATION & ENHANCED CONDITION can help in taking down the dome. you can check out her stats HERE and her pinterest board HERE.

very EARLY in her life, it was too late.

SECTION ONE OF THREE : BULLET POINT HISTORY trigger warnings for infant death

you can check out andrea’s full bio HERE - there really isn’t that much to her.

her parents never planned on another kid after alex, they got pregnant, megara went into labour prematurely, andrea wasn’t breathing when she was born. after extended efforts to try to save her, the drs gave up. LEGALLY, andrea was dead.

and then her mom made a deal with hades. as you do.

in exchange for andrea getting to live for twenty one years, hades was promised her immortal soul. megara thought that was a good trade at the time, lest she lose her daughter forever, and the contract was signed. cue the baby waking up and beginning to thrive, and everyone hailing her as a ‘miracle’.

needless to say, the fact that she has a dozen or so newspaper clippings talking about her miraculous turn as an infant, AND the fact that reporters would check in every five years or so with the kid that cheated death ... kind of went to andrea’s head.

not that like, anything else wouldn’t have. andrea was an INCREDIBLY spoiled child, and she had very few expectations placed upon her shoulders - unlike alex, who had them all.

she was always closest to megara. it was just how the cookie crumbled, and it probably had a great deal to do with how she was the only one to know the limitations on andrea’s life. she indulged her every whim and forgave her a lot of mistakes and whatnot over her childhood, lending to why andrea ultimately realized she could do... pretty much anything, and her mum would always champion on her behalf. on the flipside, her closeness with meg meant that she had little room left for hercules - and that, in combination with the fact that he really didn’t know what he was supposed to do as father of a little girl, meant that they... weren’t really close, at all. he certainly LOVED andrea, and mollycoddled her in her youth - but he saw through her in a way her mum didn’t, and likewise, responded to her in a way she wasn’t used to.

as for alex... - her older brother didn’t care for her, and andrea didn’t much care for him, either. it can certainly be said that they were HORRIBLY alike, but andrea was a great deal more entitled, something that alex didn’t have time for. the age difference, though slight, didn’t help - she was too young to be a peer, and he was too old to be of any interest to her. as a young child she perhaps wished she could follow him around, more, but she lost that as she got older and hit double digits. their relationship very soon became defined as alex being the ever popular one, first, and andrea hating that she could emulate that perfectly but always had to come SECOND.

she belonged on olympus, or at least she thought as much. her grandfather doted on her in a way he didn’t, with alex, and it did wonders for her ego to know that her family were all GODS and she was descended from them. no one ever wanted anything more from andrea than what she could give, and she got very used, very quick, to always being able to sort of... get what she wanted, and be forgiven her faults. everything that made her a ‘bitch’ on earth made her a GODDESS, on olympus. of course she was better than mortals. it was in her blood.

she attended private schools her WHOLE life, and she made them into her own personal playgrounds. where she had gotten used to coming behind alex in social circles back home - her friends were often the siblings of alex’s friends, who had memories of the other before andrea had ever come along - she found that away from all of that, she could be her own person, outside of his name. it was an exciting time for her, and it was also kind of.. detrimental, really, to her being. all the traits she might have unlearned if she had been humbled simply became staples of her personality, once and for all, as people looked to her and were in AWE of her for the way in which she carried herself.

alex being signed to PSG coincided well with andrea finally having to begin attending university, and up until that point, she had always thought she would settle for the worst school - university college disney, in santa barbara - over attending the same one as him. with his leaving, she could finally go to walt disney university. the best of the best, for the best. you can kind of understand, then, why she felt she had made SOMETHING of a mistake when she arrived and realized that alex’s memory wasn’t easily forgotten. she hated walking down corridors and having to see pictures of him with his team. hated his name being on trophies. hated people hearing ‘kaligaris’ and thinking alexander, not ANDREA. i said she had an ego, man.

but it was a good school. and she had always prioritized herself, over anyone else. she wanted to be there, so through gritted teeth, she decided to make it work. no matter what.

SECTION TWO OF THREE : HEADCANONS trigger warnings for talk of death

the most serious of developments for andrea has been learning of her ultimate fate ; something that happened on her twentieth birthday. with no way of helping her daughter in sight, and feeling that it was no longer her place to hide it, megara told andrea the truth, and andrea... kinda lost her shit. she’s going to die, and she doesn’t want to. nobody does, i suppose, but she’s always loved herself a great deal, and always had DREAMS for her future that now she realizes are forever out of reach. her mum thought it would be a kindness, to give her something of life rather than her getting nothing ; but it was a selfish choice born from not wanting to lose her daughter, and andrea... doesn’t appreciate it, as much as she probably should. it wasn’t enough.

she used to beg her grandfather to create a pegasus for her, and after many years and her mother saying ‘no’ a couple hundred times, the family settled for allowing her a cat. he’s a five year old maine coon named milos, and he hates absolutely EVERYONE, including andrea most days - but in her eyes, he’s the most precious thing that exists.

alex is, admittedly, more famous than andrea as a signed player for the paris saint germain team. but andrea is more social media famous ; a fact that brings her a LOT of joy, and him a lot of chagrin. she amassed quite a following while she was still attending school in europe, both for the photos she would post on her instagram and her wit on twitter. it continued on to when she started attending wdu, with andrea making time for her social media accounts and ‘fans’, and becoming... something of an internet celebrity. she even has a youtube channel, though she doesn’t post on it half as much as she used to. it’s nice that in at least one place, alex is HER brother, not the other way around.

she cleans when she’s stressed. she wants to be another demigod that achieves godly status, no matter how long it takes. her nails are always painted white. she suffered from dyslexia as a child, and still does. she isn’t exactly the strongest person, even with enhanced condition, but she IS wickedly intelligent and has an iq pushing 165. i cld prob think of more but i dont want to.

SECTION THREE OF THREE : WANTED CONNECTIONS

can she uh ... have some friends ? andrea is still like, a horrible person, but she’s really... tryin. i guess. to be better. please

deep sigh. enemies too

exes ! rivals ! all the basic connects

ill do more lates

#wda: intro #⌜ ･ﾟ ♛ ･ * beware the woman that you think you know ― andrea pyrena kaligaris. ⌟

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fatrainbowmermaidunicorn · 6 years

Text

Stay ( Jungkook x You ONESHOT)

Thankyou for this request anon! Sorry it took forever to get it done, and sorry its long (10k). But I hope you enjoy it <3 And requests are still open eventhough Im a bit slow these days. Sorry about that!

A/N: So I am currently writing a lot of stories based on cheating and it got me wondering, at what level should someone who cheats be forgiven? And at what level they shouldnt be? What are your thoughts on this? Should you forgive your partner who is cheating on you? Does the reason that leads them to cheat matter? Share with me your thoughts!

MASTERLIST

"I guess all those rumors were true," was all Y/N could managed to say while her eyes locked on Jungkook's brown ones. The eyes that used to look at her with love and adoration, now is filled with sympathy, and maybe, just maybe, a little guilt.

Rumors regarding Jungkook and another uprising girl group member has been going around for months, and being the doting girlfriend that she is, Y/N decides to trust Jungkook when he told her those were all rumors, a normal occurance for an idol like him, whenever she asks him about it. They have been together for almost six years, trusting him is just something she is so used to, and that's exactly what she did, without even a doubt in her mind.

But now...

Y/N went over to his dressing room during one of his music show although its not something that she usually do since no one other than the members and only some of the makeup artists and stylist knew about her existance as Jungkook's girlfriend. Its been six years but Jungkook still insisted to keep their relationship a secret, saying its for the sake of his career and his fans, but now she finally know the real reason why.

Jungkook left his wallet and phone that day, and after calling Jimin to asks their whereabouts, he told her that Jungkook always goes early to the venue whenever they have a show, and she should go straight there to see him. Went there she did, only to find her beloved boyfriend being straddled by the same rumored girl idol, skirt hitched up to her waist, her clothing scattered all over the floor, leaving her topless and panting on an equally shirtless Jungkook whose mouth is busy kissing her bare chest.

What's worse than seeing this is the fact that Jungkook calmly picks up her blouse that is on the floor to help her cover up, while she still stays on his lap, not even a slight remorse or guilt can be seen on his face.

"Hey babe, can you leave us alone for a while?" He turned to the girl who smile at him as she puts on her bloise and nodded. She leaned in to give him a peck on the lips, making Y/N closes her eyes as she feels her heart break into tinier pieces. The girl smirked at her as she passes by.

Jungkook sighed as he bends to pick up his own shirt and start buttoning up.

"I'm sorry you have to find out this way. Its not my intention,"

Y/N is speechless. How can the man who she had loved for the whole six years, and who she thought loves her back, be this cold and emotionless.

"I wanted to tell you soon. I just couldnt find the right time for it. But now you know," he stood up and look straight into her teary eyes. Y/N has lost all strength to yelled at him, or hit him or to just do anything. Jungkook doesnt seem to regret any of it, so whats the point for her to try scream and shout over it?

But still, there's something her broken heart needs to know.

"W-why? What did I do to make you stop loving me?"

Jungkook sighed and ran his hand through his hair before his eyes flickered back to her.

"Its nothing really. I just fall out of love," he said simply. Y/N's shoulders shakes as she tries her best to muffle her sobs when she hears his confession. Its been six long years, yes, but her love for him just gets stronger through every obstacle that they faced. She didnt think he would think the opposite. "Everything has becomes a routine for us. I want something new Y/N. I want adventures and fun. You... you just dont interest me anymore," his last sentence ends up in a whisper as the last effort to not hurt her.

Y/N cant stop her tears from flowing freely down her face anymore. She nodded weakly at Jungkook's emotionless face. She didnt know what to say. She didnt know what she should say.

"I'm sorry for thinking my love for you is enough," she whispered between choked sobs. "I love you Jungkook," Jungkook just stayed quiet as he looks at he hurt etched across the fcae of the woman he had loved for so long. "Just... just give me two days to clear up my things from the apartment... and... and I will be gone from your life,"

"Okay," he nodded before lowering his gaze. He thought he is going to be okay with this but it still hurts him to see Y/N cry. "I will give you the space you need and stay over at the dorm,"

Y/N looked over her shoulders one more time to the face that she loves and hate at the same time before exiting the now cold room. "Be happy Jungkook,"

/////

With non stop tears running down her face, Y/N threw her things inside the cardboard boxes that littered the whole apartment. It kills her to packed up every little memory she had build with Jungkook. Every single thing in the apartment reminds her of him, happy memories with him kept on replaying in her mind. The TV that she has turned on to keep her mind distracted while she packs start to play an entertainment news, and with her rotten luck, it showed a picture of Jungkook with the same girl from yesterday, now known as Yurin, finally announcing that they are officially dating.

Y/N felt her heart stops. It havent even been a day since she found out and Jungkook has already made a move. Six years their relationship was kept in the dark, always telling her he is not allowed to date and it people found out it would hurt his career. Six years of allowing herself to be fooled, always thinking and putting him first. Six years together, she had done everything with him and for him to just throw it all away... Y/N collapsed on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest as she buried her face and cry.

You can do this Y/N. You can be strong. You can let go.

After being curled up in a ball for almost an hour, she finally stood up with new determination and start to throw away every memory she had with him, picture frames, polaroids, tshirts, plushies, gifts from him, everything, into a pile as she packed up her things in a faster pace.

No more. No more Jeon Jungkook.

/////

Y/N smile as she look around the almost empty apartment. With her things gone, it looks almost unoccupied since Jungkook kept most of his things at the dorm. The movers has already brought down all her packed items and Y/N look around one last time, a small smile graced her face, along with a single tear that she quickly wiped away as she remembers for one last time the memory when she first moved in here with Jungkook. How happy they were back then.

Its over now. He has somebody new to make memories with. He dont love you anymore Y/N. Its over.

Its time for a new beginning. Y/N whispered to herself as she looks down at her flight ticket and the acceptance letter that she almost rejected at first because of Jungkook.

A new beginning without Jeon Jungkook.

/////

Jungkook lay down on his bed, tossing his phone around, something feels unsettled in his chest, when it dings, indicating a text from Yurin just came in.

"Another party Yurin? Really?" Jungkook sighed. Yurin is an uprising idol who is labelled as the IT party girl. For the weeks he had cheated with her behind Y/N's back, Jungkook felt alive. Going out to new restaurants, clubs and attending exclusive parties with a beautiful girl on his arms, but he's sick of it now.

Yurin loves showing whatever she does to the public. Its only been a day since they went public and she already showed millions of intimate moments of their relationship to the world. Private selfies, voice clips that Jungkook sang to her at nights, cute videos of their dates, everything. Jungkook knows his life as an idol was never going to be kept private anyway, but cant he just have a private moment with his girlfriend? Just cuddling and talking all night until the sun rises without it being posted on social media the next day?

Yes, Yurin is something fresh. Something new. Adventures and fun. But he didnt want that. He didnt want parties every weekends. He didnt want new suits and dresses everyday, just to attend another snobbish event. He didnt want rough nights together between the sheets but ended up sleeping with their backs facing each other. Those wasnt adventures.

Adventures are hiking up the hill at 4 am just to watch the sunrise together. Cooking home made meals that they never tried before together instead of dressing up and eating at these fine dining places that doesnt even taste good. Wasting his free day watching back to back superhero marathons, cuddled up in blankets, limbs tangling with each other. Passionate nights together that leads to pillowtalk, exploring their dreams and fears with one another. Dancing and singing to old pop songs while trying to clean the apartment but ended up only making it messier. Running around in the rain instead of waiting it out, only to be sick the next day. Sneaking out together to some run down diner in the middle of the night, meeting up with his hyungs, eating multiple burgers and ice cream, laughing the night away, only to work extra hard the next day to burn it all off.

Jungkook blinked as he realizes, those are the things he miss.

Those are things he used to do with Y/N.

He said he wanted new things. He wanted adventures. Something fun. That is what he said to Y/N when she asks him why. That is what he thought he wanted in Yurin. But Jungkook never realized that Y/N is everything he had ever wanted. She is the combination of familiarity and new memories. She is new experiences and familiar warmth.

Y/N is his home.

"What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck did I do to Y/N?!" Jungkook yelled to himself, surprising Jimin who passed by his room. "I need to go. I need to talk to her before its too late!" He grabbed his jacket and ran out, leaving a puzzled Jimin who didnt get a chance to ask him anything.

With panting breath Jungkook slammed the door opened only to be greeted with a cold and empty apartment. It doesnt smell like home. It doesnt feel like home. Not anymore. He stood in the middle of the empty apartment, realizing he's too late and Y/N is no longer here.

Jungkook noticed every single thing that is different. How the coffee table is no longer littered with her books, how there are no more fresh flowers in the vase beside the window, empty walls that's used to be filled with pictures of them, the smell of home cooked food that usually fills the air the moment he open the door, her favorite cartoon character cups in the kitchen shelf, the magnets that littered the fridge which she always bought when they went travelling together... everything is gone. And Jungkook has never felt more lonely.

He didnt know where else to go, so he ran to the only place he could think off; her office. The receptionist was shocked when she recognized who he is, but he doesnt care. If Y/N takes him back, he will tell everybody that will listen that they are together. That he loves her. That he's never going to let her go ever again.

"L/N Y/N. I need to see her," Jungkook asks still panting. The still shocked receptionist scrolled on her computer and after a few seconds, she looks up at him.

"Im sorry sir. There is no one that works here under that name," Jungkook furrowed his brows. He is pretty sure this is where Y/N works. He himself has dropped her here a few times before.

"Are you sure? This is XXX Enterprise right? Is there another one?" The receptionist shakes her head.

"No. This is the only one,"

"Then she must be here!" Jungkook slammed his clenched fist on the counter, making the receptionist jumped. "I need to see L/N Y/N!"

"But Sir. I.. I-"

"Did you say L/N Y/N?" Their conversation was interrupted by a girl who just came down from the building. Jungkook immediately rushed to her.

"Yes. Do you know her? Can you take me to see her?"

"I do know her but... I'm sorry. Y/N doesnt work here anymore. She quit with a 24 hours notice yesterday. I heard she moved somewhere out of the country," the girl explained, giving him a sad smile before walking away. Jungkook felt his knees wobbled as he hold on to the wall. It cant be true. It just cant be.What has he done? Did he really make her ran out of the country?

Where did you go baby? Please come back to me. Please stay. Please.

Jungkook walked out from the building, steps unpurposeful and defeated and unknowingly his feet brought him back to their shared apartment.

He was about to slumped himself on the sofa and just drowned in self pity when his eyes caught a box in the corner of the room. He walked over and saw its a box filled with their memories together

Did Y/N forget to bring this with her? Or did she intended to throw it out but forgot?

Jungkook sit cross legged in front of the box and start to take out the things inside. He automatically smile as his hand touched the first item. His white tshirt. Y/N loves to sleep in those. She says its comfortable and it smells like him, it helps her sleep better on the nights when he is away on tour. He sniffed the shirt and her scent start to filled his nose. He inhale and close his eyes as he starts to feel an ache inside his heart. He continues to rummaged through and found plushies he had won her on their first date from the claw machine, picture frames of them, the bracelet he bought her on their first anniversary. Every inch of their memory, Y/N has discarded and left it behind. The thought hurts him so much he feels suffocated.

The last item that is shoved to the bottom of the box is a scrap book that Y/N made for their six years anniversary. Its filled with pictures and momentos dated back from their very first date to their last one, which is almost months ago, making Jungkook realized how long he has been neglecting her. And yet, she had never once complained.

He flipped through the pages and saw pictures of him and his group winning awards, photos of their performances. Events that he never allow Y/N to attend under the false pretense that he is not allowed to date. Y/N never asks why, never once argued or demand anything from their relationship. Quietly watching her own boyfriend from behind a screen instead of being there with him celebrating.

Jungkook sighed and placed the scrap book down. Y/N never questioned any of his move. She trusts him and he broke that trust. For six years, all she wanted was for him to be happy. She's always there when Jungkook is stressed out over work, releasing his anger on her instead, but she always takes it with a smile. She's there when he's sick, always attending to him, making sure he and his group mates have enough to eat, bringing them lunchboxes during practice. Its not a question that his hyungs adores her. She's always considerate, understanding and consistantly asking what Jungkook needs and want.Even on the verge of breaking up, she didnt make a scene, agreeing quietly, respecting Jungkook's decision to stop loving her.

After six years, Jungkook only now realized he had never once asks her how she's doing. If school and work is hard on her, if she has a problem, if she's sick. Never once has he told her that she's already a perfect girlfruend for him and he loves her just for who she is. Jungkook starts to shake as his body try to hold in the hurt and tears he's feeling. The memory of her starts to haunt every inch of him, making him collapsed to the floor.

Where are you Y/N? Please come back to me. I need to tell you Im sorry. I need to tell you I love you. Come back. Please come back. Jungkook whispered repeatedly as he finally fall asleep with the shirt that still smell like her clutch tightly in his grasp.

/////

Jungkook immediately went to see Yurin the next day, explaning that their whole relationship is a mistake, consumed with lust and not love. He had expected her wrath but to his surprised, she was calm and agreed to his request to break up. Her only request is to wait a month before officially announcing it as it would damage her image if the news came out only a day after going public.

Months passed by and the two of them still maintained a great friendship, hanging out and still contacting one another. If only Y/N is back in his arms, then everything would be perfect.

"Good job everyone, see you tomorrow!" The cheographer clapped his hands, indicating the end of their practice for the day. Jungkook slide himself down on the floor and take out his phone as he gulped down from his water bottle. He scrolled through the pictures of him and Y/N and smile to himself.

"What's up with you? Do you have like a secret girlfriemd or something?" Jin elbowed him as he slide down beside him and take a swift of water. Jungkook just smile at his hyung. Without anybody's knowledge, Jungkook tried to find her everyday since she left, texting and calling her number, but never once received a reply. But it gives him hope when no one ever text him back saying he got the wrong number or the number is no longer in used. He is sure its still Y/N's and she is just ignoring him.

"Seriously, are you keeping something from us?" Jimin pouts.

He looked up at Jimin, almost opening his mouth and stop when he remembers that nobody knows the truth except for Taehyung. Jungkook came back to an empty dorm the next day with tears still evident on his face, only to be found by Taehyung who is actually sleeping and decided to stay home. Emotionally hurt and unstable, Jungkook let out everything to his hyung and makes Taehyung promise to never tell anyone about it.

"I-"

"Okay guys. Go shower. We have a meeting about the new variety show in 30," Namjoon announced making the boys groaned.

Freshly showered, the seven boys dragged their tired feet to the meeting room which is already filled with the production team and their own management team. Seating himself in the corner, Jungkook slumped down on his chair, tired. He dont really participate in these meetings anyways so maybe he can just dozed off. Namjoon and Jin can always fill him up later. After a while his manager clapped his hands.

"Okay. Its settled then. Take a look around guys, these are the faces you are going to be working with for the next one year or so," he told the room and everyone start to smile and busy themselves to look around, making themselves familiar with their new colleagues. Jungkook straighten up and scanned around the room too before his eyes fall on a girl seated way back on the opposite side, her hair and cap pulled low to cover her face. Jungkook continues to stare as there's just something familiar about her, but it seems she's trying hard to avoid looking at him or his hyungs.

Maybe she's a fan and she's starstruck?

To his luck, someone went over to greet her, and having no other choice, the girl raised her head to smile and greet the person back, revealing her face, making Jungkook's heart beat faster and eyes turned wide.

"Wait...Y/N?"

/////

Ahhh shit. Why do my first project has to involved Bangtan? Why does life hate me so much?

Y/N cursed herself as she walked alongside her team into the meeting room. After a year of studying abroad in broadcasting and production, she finally came back and was immediately hired by one of the big company in the field. Impressed by her skill, she was immediately assigned to her first project, which is an ongoing variety show which will take up to a year or more. Y/N is excited until she read the project paper and realized with who she will be working with.

Very soon after her departure, she starts to receive daily calls and texts from Jungkook. Texts that says he miss her and he loves her, asking for forgiveness. She ignored each and every one of it. Her heart almost gives in at first, but when she remembers the image of Jungkook and Yurin, the memory of how he told her he dont love her anymore, her heart starts to harden again. She still remembers the lain and its never going away.

Y/N thought she was doing well in hiding herself. None of the boys seems to recognized her. Until the manager asks them to look around and she saw Jungkook's curious eyes keeps on staring at her. She pulled her cap low, hoping she can make it until the meeting ends. She almost made it when one of the senior calls out to her and she has no other choice but to look up, and that's when she heard it.

"Wait...Y/N?"

Y/N ignores it. Hoping Jungkook would think he got the wrong person if she just stayed quiet. But the relentless boy stood up and walked closer, giving her no other place to hide.

"Y/N? Y/N, its really you!" You take a deep breath and turned to face him. It would be weird if you didnt since Jungkook is calling your name in the middle of a crowded meeting room. Still, you thank god the room is noisy with people greeting each other so no one is really focusing on the two of you. You turned, only to be faced with Jungkook smiling wide at you, bunny teeth showing and all, the smile so wide it stretch across his face. He took a step closer and reached out for your hand but you flinched away.

"Im not dreaming am I?" He asks more to himself rather than to you. "Y/N... its you. It really is you..." his voice coming out almost a whisper, she can see his eyes glisten. You look around, hoping something will save you from this awkward situation.

"He... hello, Jungkook-ssi,"

Jungkook's brows furrowed, confused. "Y/N. Its me. Why are you-"

"Okay, that's it for today! We shall meet again on the first day of recording. Thankyou everyone!" Someone said above the noise and everybody start to exit the room, Y/N being the first to grabbed her things and ran, leaving Jungkook standing there alone.

"Hey Kook. You okay?" Taehyung patted his back, confused by the maknae's weird behavior.

"She's back hyung. Y/N's back," he whispered, eyes still locked on the door.

"What?"

"Y/N is back. And I'm going to make her mine again,"

/////

"Okay, so let me get this straight," Namjoon huffed. "You cheated on Y/N with Yurin. Then she found out, and then you say all these nasty things to her. Y/N moved to another country before your stupid ass can figured out that you actually love her and made a mistake. And again your stupid ass have been pining on her since then, and now a year later she's back as a part of the production team and you want her back?"

Jungkook nodded eagerly, disregarding all the insults thrown at him. Namjoon give the back of his head a hard smack.

"Owh hyung!"

"You deserve it you idiot!" Namjoon snarled. "How can you do that?"

"Yes. You do. You do deserve it. In fact, give him another smack Joon," Jin said as he continue to eat his food from the takeout box. All seven of them are now gathered around the living room, eating their takeout after the meeting when Jungkook, after being coaxed by Taehyung, decides to tell everything to his hyungs. Its better if they know anyway. Namjoon land another smack on the side of his head as per Jin's request.

"Oww hyung. That really hurts!" Jungkook groaned as he rubbed his head.

"Good. It should hurt. Its nothing compared to the hurt Y/N felt. Why would she loves an idiot like you I will never know," Jungkook lowered his gaze.

"I know I hurt her hyung. But I was stupid," he mumbled. "I'm still stupid. But... I want her back. Please help me. I have waited for a year to see her again. Now she's right here. I will die if I lose her again," Jungkook begged. Yoongi rolled his eyes.

"Oh stop being so dramatic! This happened because of your own stupidity anyway,"

Taehyung chuckle while Jungkook pouts. "I think he really will hyung. I have known about this for almost a year now and he does look like he is dying sometimes," Taehyung backed him up.

"Yoongi hyung is just pissed because he likes Y/N. We all like Y/N. She's great! He is still angry at Kook for breaking up with her," Jimin helps to explain something that everybody already knew.

"Of course I am. She the only one who understand the importance of sleep when you imbecile starts to make ridiculous amount of noise and she feeds me too. Jungkook is an asshole," he growled, making Jungkook ducked his head. Its no secret that Yoongi adores Y/N. She is the only girl he has ever brought to his studio and even share some of his unfinished songs. His hyung adoration towards his girlfriend sometimes ignites his own jealousy. Yoongi is extremely pissed off when Jungkook dumped her for Yurin, but now that he know he actually cheated on her... he's fuming. "I should have just dated her instead," he added, although teasingly, but it makes Jungkook tense up.

"Hyung, no! Y/N is mine!"

"No she's not yours idiot," Jin stood up and gave him another smack in the head. "At least not anymore," Jungkook grumbled as he rubbed his head again as he decides to ignore what Jin said.

"So are you all going to help me?"

"Of course we are! We like Y/N," Hoseok cheerfully answered.

"But Jungkook, remember. We want her to be happy. If she decides she doesnt want to be with you anymore, then promise us that you will let her go," Namjoon warned sternly.

"But hyung..."

"Promise us,".

Jungkook ponders for a while. Letting her go? How can he ever do that? But Namjoon is right. Y/N deserves to be happy and if Jungkook is not what makes her happy, the right thing should be letting her go.

"Okay... I promise,"

/////

"Damn maknae, can you at least pretend that you are interested in the show?" Namjoon hissed at Jungkook, making the latter smile sheepishly and concerntrate to what the PD is explaning about the game they are going to play. How can he focus on some silly game when Y/N is right in front of him? Although she's trying to hide herself between the cameras and crew, Jungkook's eyes followed her like a radar. Its only the first day and he already cant control the urged to grab her and hug her tight. How is he going to make it through the whole year if Y/N decides she doesnt want him back?

"Hey Y/N," Jungkook smile at her, flashing his bunny teeth and turned to the crew she is talking to. "Can you excuse us for a while?" The crew bowed and leave, finally giving him a chance to talk to her alone.

"Hi Y/N," he tries again, still smiling. God, why am I smiling so much? Why do I sound like a love struck teenager? Jungkook scold himself and clear his throat to look cool. Y/N bowed and gave him a small smile.

"Hello Jungkook-ssi," Jungkook's smile dissappeared into a frown at her reply.

"Dont call me that. Dont act like you dont know me," his warm brown eyes looks sad as he stares into hers. "Please..."

"Im not doing anything," Y/N shakes her head. "We are just colleagues now Jungkook-ssi, I think its proper for us to keep our formalities," Jungkook sighed.

"Fine. Then can we be friends?"

"Its too early for that. We just got to know each other again," Y/N smile, making Jungkook's heart skipped a beat.

"Okay. Then I will make sure we will become friends," he smiled back. He is thankful enough that Y/N is atleast willing to talk to him after the shit he has done. "How are you? Im glad you are back," he said slowly. "I really miss you..." his voice is barely above a whisper.

"Erm, I..." Y/N felt awkward. She really didnt know what to say. Despite the way Jungkook broke things off with her, and how he cheated on her, Y/N doesnt hate him. Instead, she blames herself everyday for making Jungkook stop loving her. She told herself that she should have take care of her appearance more, be more interesting, more fun, anything. "Im doing fine,"

"Y/N...listen. I didnt get the chance to tell you before. The moment I found out you left I went to find you Y/N, but I was too late..." Jungkook lowered his gaze. "I'm sorry. Im sorry for everything. Im sorry for-"

"Its okay!" She cut him off in a rush. She really didnt want to talk about it. She doesnt want to remember the pain she felt when Jungkook said he dont love her anymore. Her still healing heart might just break again. "Its not your fault. People fall out of love all the time. Things that happened are in the past. Lets just keep it there,"

Jungkook is surprised at the hurt he's feeling. What does she means by its not his fault? Its no one's fault but his! "But Y/N, I-"

"Kookie!" Jungkook saw Y/N's eyes widen as she looks over his shoulder at the sound that is currently calling his name.

"Oh hey! I'm Yurin," the girl flashed her a smile. Oh Y/N knows alright. She will never forget the face she found kissing and doing more intimate things with her boyfriend a year ago.

"H..hi. I'm Y/N," Jungkook chewed on his lower lips, guilt and panic all over his face.

"Oh sounds familiar. But anyway, nice to meet you!" Yurin greet cheerfully and turned to Jungkook. "Oh Kookie, I wanted to tell you that my group is joining this variety too! We are doing it together! Isnt that great?"

"Wh..what?" Jungkook flickered his gaze from Yurin to Y/N. Y/N averted her eyes as she looks down. Its all too much. The way she held his arm. The way she calls him. The way she talks to him. Its all too much.

"I...I better get going. See you Jungkook-ssi,"

"Y/N, wait! I-" He couldnt finished his sentence before she has hurried away. He sighed in frustration as his eyes followed Y/N who is stopped by Taehyung and Yoongi who finally has the chance to greet her. He saw how Taehyung hug her tight and lifted her up, swinging her petite body around in glee and Yoongi swooped in and gave her another tight hug, burying his head in her hair, that lasted a little too long for Jungkook's liking. Taehyung then stilole her away again and kissed her forehead. Jungkook turned back to Yurin who is still happily telling him the news and excuse himself.

Why does Yurin has to appear right now?

/////

Jungkook looks out the window as the van take them to their next venue for the shoot. Its the second day of shooting, and Jungkook is excited to see Y/N again. Its only been a few days and he miss her already. He's going crazy thinking of ways to get her back. But what bothers him most is what Y/N told him.

Its not your fault. People fall out of love all the time.

What does she meant by that? How is everything that happened not his fault? Does she really believes that he didnt love her anymore? How can she still be so forgiving and pure after everything he did and say to her in the midst of their breakup?

Jungkook mainly stare at her during the whole shoot and he almost cried out in frustration when its over and he still didnt have a chance to talk to her. That is until Taehyung happily told them that he managed to coaxed Y/N to join them for dinner. Despite being happy that he can get some time with her, Jungkook still feel a little jealousy seeping in when he thinks how Y/N easily agrees to Taehyung request. He calmed himself, trying to remember that Y/N and Taehyung has always been close even before she is in an official relationship with him.

Its okay. They are just very close friends. Very close friends.

Jungkook sat opposite from her, right at the end of the table, at the restaurant while Taehyung sat on her right. He keeps on looking at her as he placed pieces of grilled meat and side dishes on her plate without saying anything. She didnt say anything either, as she slowly eats whatever Jungkook placed in her plate while she softly talks and laugh with Taehyung.

"Thankyou for dinner. It was nice spending time with all of you again," she smiled at them. The truth is, she miss them so much when she was away.

"Then you should come and hang out at our dorm again. Just like before!" Jimin suggested.

"Yeah. You can be on my team when we play video games. Chim and Kookie is always ganging up on me!" Taehyung pouts. Y/N laughs and pinched his cheeks.

"Aish, you are so cute Tae. I really miss you,"

"Hear that? Y/N miss me!" He squeals at the other members making them rolled their eyes. Jungkook who is watching the whole scene start to feel the same sense of jealousy seeping through again.

Why is she calling him Tae? Why is she telling him she miss him? Why is she touching him? Is something going on with them? Jungkook cant stop all these negative thoughts from running through his mind.

"So I will get going now," Y/N motioned to the opposite way of the road. Hoseok and Jin starts to nudge Jungkook with their elbow.

"What?" He hissed. They motioned to Y/N with their eyes.

"Gosh, you are so stupid," Jin hissed back. It took a while for Jungkook to finally understand what they meant.

"Oh!" He quickly ran after Y/N. "Y/N, let me walk you home," he said between pants as he fall in steps beside her.

"Oh. Its okay Jungkook-ssi. Im used to it. The air is nice and I dont live that far from here," she smile, declining the offer.

"No. I insist. How can I let you walk home alone Y/N. You know I always worry about you," his voice turned soft as he looks at her. Y/N kept quiet as the memories came back. Its true. Through the six years they were together, Jungkook always worry about her safety. He always makes sure that she never walks alone. On nights when he is busy, he will make sure to call her a cab or an uber and check on her the minute she arrived to her destination.

"Y/N...I'm sorry," his soft voice broke through her thoughts. "I want to tell you again and again that I'm sorry. I am so so sorry for everything I did," Y/N shakes her head.

"No. Its okay. We dont have to talk about it. Its-"

"No!" Jungkook raised his voice, startling her. "Its not okay. Me cheating on you is not okay! The things I said to you that day... its not okay. Everything I did to you is not okay. Scream at me Y/N. Hit me, hate me. Do anything. I will take it all. I deserve it all," he said as she took both of her hands in his, stopping them in their tracks. "Do something. Dont pretend that I didnt hurt you... I know I did... and I'm stupid for doing it," Y/N finally hear the regret and pain in his voice, something she didnt witness when he broke up with her, making her heart ache.

"Yes Jungkook," her voice suddenly broke the silence. "It hurts so much. Is that what you wanted to hear? It hurts so much, I feel like dying," Y/N speaks up, making Jungkook's head snapped up to her face. "A part of me died when you say that you dont love me anymore. Especially when I cant think of anything else but loving you," tears starts to spilled down her cheeks. "But I know I'm the one to blame. I was too comfortable with our relationship, I let it die. I stop doing things that interest you... and its fine. You deserve better. You always do," she looked to his eyes with her teary ones.

Jungkook shakes his head as he held her hands tighter. Is that what Y/N thought all this while? She blamed herself?

God, what have I done to you baby?

"Y/N. Its nothing like that," he whispered softly. His own tears threatened to fall but he blinked them back. "I thought I wanted something new, but I was wrong. You are everything that I have always wanted I have everything I need in you but I threw it all away. I'm sorry for making you doubt yourself. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry. I'm just so so sorry for everything," Jungkook exhale. "I have never stop loving you Y/N. Im sorry for what I said. I love you Y/N. I have waited for so long for you to come back. I have waited for so long to show you again how much I love you,"

Y/N is shocked by his confession.

"Y/N, I promise to shower you with everything that you deserve. I know I dont deserve you, but please... please give me a chance to make up for my mistake,"

Y/N shrugged off her hands from Jungkook's hold, making him startled. "No! Im sorry, but I cant Jungkook," her voice shakes from too much sadness. "You cant do this to me again. It hurts so much the first time. I tried everything just to get over you. You cant just come back in my life just so you can shatter by heart to pieces again. Im sorry, but I cant Jungkook," Y/N choked out between sobs as she start to turn around to run away but Jungkook was faster, grabbing her hands.

"Let me go... please,"

"I will. But you have to listen to me first!" Jungkook cried in desperation. "I know. I know I dont deserve you, I know that Y/N. But as much as I know that, I also know that I simply cant live without you. I love you too much. Losing you... it hurts. It hurts more than anything I have ever felt," he peeks into her eyes, making her look at him. "But I promise you this. You can run from me Y/N. You can leave and ran away. But I will chase after you. I wont stop chasing you, wherever you go, I will follow you, I will be right behind you. I will be right there, until you are fully healed and realized that I wont do anything to hurt you ever again," he said with determination as he lets go of his hold on her, letting Y/N ran off without looking back to him.

/////

Jungkook tried hard to show he meant what he said after that night. He starts to talk to her more eventhough she ignores him. He will invite himself to eat with her, join her on her breaks and walk her home, even without her asking or acknowledging it. It also doesnt help that the boys are starting to pull her into getting close with them again. Inviting her to dinner and movie nights, lunches and just hanging out with them at the dorm. With time, Y/N has opened her heart to at least be friends with him again.

Yurin who eyed their growing relationship starts to be consumed with jealousy. She agreed to the breakup because its what Jungkook wants. She believes that someday he will come back to her. But with this Y/N girl around... and looking at how love struck and smitten Jungkook is with her... she sense all hope for them dying. The truth is, she loves Jungkook and she will do anything to get him back.

And that is exactly what she's going to do.

Jungkook sniffed the bouquet of sunflowers that he just bought with a smile on his face. Its Y/N's birthday today and he has everything planned out. He's going to give her the sunflowers when he sees her, then the boys are taking her out for dinner after work and after that they are going to give Jungkook some alone time with her. Jungkook has booked a private observatory just for the two of them. Maybe its a little too much for someone who are "just friends" but he feels giddy thinking about laying down on the blanket and the picnic he prepared for them, looking at the beautiful night sky together.

He look for her everywhere but couldnt seem to find Y/N. She most probably have somewhere else to be. Running late for his first scene, Jungkook just placed the flowers in one of the rooms, knowing Y/N will find it since he has attached a card to them. He smile as he makes his way to his hyungs.

"You guys are on in about 10 minutes," Y/N peeked her head inside the girls' dressing room. Yurin and her group are now also a part of the show and although it kills her to see the face that haunts her nights everyday, she have to keep it profesional. Y/N was about to turn away when she heard the girl's conversation.

"How sweet is Jungkook? Its like you two never broke up!"

"Yeah. My ex would never would have bought me flowers. Especially without an occasion," another squeal. "Maybe the two of you would get back together!"

Y/N, given in to her curiosity, peeks her head again to see Yurin smiling so bright, holding a bouquet of sunflowers close to her chest.

Jungkook gave her flowers? I guess they are still close... And he didnt even wish me a happy birthday. Y/N thought sadly as she walks away with a burning ache in her heart.

Dinner was wonderful. The boys was so much fun to be with and the food is delicious. But she was more excited after Jungkook leaned in close to her and smile, whispering something to her that make her forget about Yurin and the flowers earlier.

"I have something special planned for your birthday after dinner. Just you and me,"

Y/N was excited as all of them picked up their coats and get ready to head out from the restaurant, she is more than ready for Jungkook's surprise. Who is she kidding? She has forgiven him long ago and her heart is already falling for him again. Y/N smile as she thinks about Jungkook. She can feel he has really changed this time.

Jungkook was just about to take Y/N's hand as they head out when his phone rings.

"Yurin?" He answered making Y/N and the other boys turned their heads to him. "Yeah, yeah of course. I will be right there. Dont worry. I will always be there for you," he spoke rapidly into the phone. Hearing Jungkook saying those words makes Y/N''s heart ache even more.

"Y/N... I'm sorry... but I have to-"

"Its okay. Yurin needs you right?" She asks cocking her head. The other boys stands awkwardly, not knowing what to do.

"Its not like that. I..." Jungkook sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. Leaving her for Yurin. Again. On her birthday. He knows this doesnt look good on him. Especially when he's trying so hard to win her back. But Yurin was crying on the phone asking him to take her to the hospital. He cant just leave her alone.

But looking at Y/N who's trying to hide her dissapointed face... it kills him. "About what I said earlier... Tae-hyung will take you there," he suddenly said while looking at a surprised Taehyung.

"Me?" Taehyung points to himself. "Urm yeah, yeah. That's right. Anything for the birthday girl," he flashed her his signature smile and offer his arm to her after Jungkook mouthed a 'please' to him.

"Oh no. Its okay Tae. You dont have to. I dont want to burden you," Y/N waved her hands.

"No. I insisted. A pretty girl like you shouldnt be spending her birthday alone. And its not a burden. In fact Im the lucky one to be spending some alone time with you," he wiggle his eyebrows making her laugh. Jungkook swallowed a lump in his throat as he looks at the love of her life links her arms to his hyung's and walking away. Taehyung has always been flirty, Jungkook knows that. But he also knows how his hyung has a soft spot reserved just for Y/N and how his eyes twinkle when he looks at her.

Dont fall for Taehyung Y/N. Not when I'm right here waiting for you.

/////

"Tae, its beautiful!" Y/N exclaimed as she looks up at the stars.

"Yes, it is..." Taehyung whispered as he keeps on looking at her. He still couldnt believe how Jungkook is stupid enough to have hurt such a wonderful girl like her. If he was given the privileged to own her heart, he will do anything to keep that smile on her face.

"Cant believe Jungkook prepared all this and didnt get to see it," at the sound of his friend's name, Taehyung snapped out from his thoughts and plopped down besides Y/N who is now sitting on the blanket. "But I guess Yurin is always more important," she said in a low voice as she lay her head on his shoulder. Taehyung wrapped his arms around her. He can see how much Y/N still loves his younger friend and how being so close to Yurin hurts her. Why cant Jungkook see that?

"Hey... dont be sad. Its your birthday," he replied softly as he kissed her head. "Jungkook cares about you, you know. He still loves you," it pains him to say it but if Jungkook is what makes Y/N happy, so he held it in. Y/N kept quiet, lifting her head, staring at the stars.

"Right now, I dont want to think about him Tae," she suddenly broke the silence. "Right now, I just want to enjoy this beautiful sight with you," she whispered as she snuggle closer, laying herself on his chest. "You are wonderful Tae. I wish you are the one I had fallen for..." her voice so soft, like she didnt mean for Taehyung to hear her but he did. Taehyung wrapped his hands tighter around her, feeling his heart skipped a little faster.

"Then fall for me Y/N," he whispered softly under his breath, making sure Y/N didnt hear him.

Jungkook cursed as he make his way back to the dorms after checking up on Yurin. He didnt know why she made such a big deal. When he arrived, Yurin just actually have a little cold. With frustration, he went to get her some medicine from the drug store and went home after giving them to her. Because of her, he missed out on a romantic night with Y/N on her birthday. Because of her, his hyung is spending some time alone with Y/N, doing God knows what. What if Y/N fall for Taehyung while looking into each other eyes under the stars? Those kind of thoughts fills his mind all night, especially when he realized Taehyung is still not back hours after he was supposed to. Jungkook sighed and forced himself to sleep while thinking of the good memories he used to have with Y/N.

Jungkook tries to make up for that night the next time he sees her by asking her out for a coffee date during one of the shoots break time. Y/N agreed and told him to just wait for her at the cafe as she has things to finished up first.

Ordering her favorite drink, smiling to himself when he realizes he still remembers, he sat down at a corner by the large glass window, patiently waiting for her.

"Hey Kookie. What are you doing here?" He groans as he looks up and see a smiling Yurin.

"Im actually waiting for Y/N,"

"Oh? Maybe I should keep you company while you wait for her. I have no where to go right now anyway and its so cold outside," Yurin took a seat without bothering to wait for his permission. Although annoyed, Jungkook and Yurin still has a decent conversation with each other. He still enjoy her presence. After all, they did used to date.

She suddenly blinked rapidly and squeal.

"What's wrong?"

"There's something in my eyes. Can you help to blow it away?" She asks as she squint. Jungkook stood up and leaned across the table, first softly tucking her stray hair behind her ear and blow into her eyes.

"Is it gone now?" She shakes her head.

"No. Lean in closer. Can you check if there's anything in my eye?" Jungkook, not doubting anything leaned in closer across the table, peering into her eyes, their faces are so close she can feel his warm breath on her face, his scent making her dizzy. She suddenly bumped her head to his, making their lips touched for a second.

"Oh Im sorry. It was an accident," she smile sheepishly. Jungkook just grunted and sat back down before he turned to the window. What he saw outside almost make his heart stop. Y/N is standing there staring at them and Jungkook knows she must saw what had just happened between him and Yurin and get the wrong idea. Jungkook immediately stood up to go out to her but the moment she realized Jungkook is looking back at her, she stumbled on her feet and fell down scraping her knee. She quickly stand up and ran away.

Jungkook ran after her, figuring our she must have went back to the shoot since they still have another scene later. Reaching the set, panting and breathless, Jungkook search everywhere for Y/N. After a while he finally found her, but not in the situation he has been expecting. Y/N was perched up on a table, her face wet with tears as Taehyung kneeled in front of her, cleaning her wounded knee from the fall earlier. Jungkook can feel his body starts to be consumed wirh anger and jealousy as he marched into the room.

"What are you doing hyung?!"

"Im cleaning Y/N's wound. Cant you see?" Taehyung replied, raising his eyebrow. Jungkook came closer and grab the hand that is touching Y/N's knee.

"Dont touch her!" His aggressive behavior surprised both himself and Taehyung, and of course Y/N herself. "I...I mean, let me do it,"

Taehyung hesitates for a moment but after looking at the two of them, he decides to give them space. "Fine. But if you hurt her again, I will kill you," he whispered to the maknae as he passes by to exit the room.

Jungkook kneeled down and start to continue cleaning the wound. Y/N shivers the moment Jungkook's warm fingers touch her cold skin and a fresh batch of tears starts to erupt.

"Y/N, its not like what you think," Jungkook srood up to level himself with her. "What you saw, its not like that,"

"I...I didnt see anything,"

"Then why are you crying?"

"Im crying because it hurts. My knee hurts," she whimpered. Jungkook smile.

"The Y/N I know didnt even bat an eye when she broke her arm. I dont think she will cry this hard because of some tiny wound on her knee," his face is so close to her, she can feel him breathing as she closes her eyes. "Y/N... I'm sorry," he leaned in closer. "Please believe me. There is nothing going on between me and Yurin. We-"

The mentioned of Yurin's name makes something snapped inside of Y/N, making her eyes opened and pushed Jungkook away, startling him. She climbed down the table and walk to further herself away from him.

"No. I cant do this anymore," she said in a shaky voice.

"Y/N, what are you talking ab-"

"This. Being this close to you. Pretending to be friends with you. I cant do it anymore. Not when the image of you and Yurin still haunt me everyday. I cant do it anymore Jungkook," she yelled. Jungkook is shocked. Y/N was never like this. She is always calm and composed. What has he done to push her to become this?

"Y/N. Please listen to me. I lov-"

"Dont say anything. Just dont," she cut him off, shaking her head. "You have hurt me enough Jungkook. Please... I dont want to hurt anymore. Please, just leave me alone!" She turned around and exited the room, living Jungkook alone, shaking to the bones trying to comprehend what just happened.

/////

Y/N avoided him and his hyungs since then. Jungkook didnt know what else to do. How can he be so dumb? How can he not see what Yurin is up to? He finally found out the scheme Yurin is planning to ensure he and Y/N will never be together when he overheard her talking to one of her groupmates. He finally found out about the flowers, about the fake sickness, how she had planned everything to always ended up wherever Jungkook and Y/N is headed and how she staged the whole accidental kiss in the coffee shop. Jungkook is furious. Furious at her for being such a bitch. Furious at himself for falling for her trap. He should have known better to stay friends with a girl like Yurin.

And now he's going to lose Y/N all over again.

"I told you I will kill you if you hurt her again!" Taehyung slammed Jungkook's bedroom door open. Jungkook looks at him with no emotions in his eyes. That's how he is since Y/N told him to stay away form her. To stop hurting her. Her words keeps replaying in his mind and it kills him to know that that's what Y/N thought of him. As someone who continuously hurts her.

"Go away hyung,"

"No! After what you did, this is how you are going to act?!"

"What do you want me to do hyung? I am not good for her. I hurt her. Thats all I do. I know Im stupid, an idiot. Whatever it is you came here to say to me, I already know it. So just get on with it and leave," Jungkook turned around in his bed, showing his back to Taehyung.

"You are really a fucking asshole Jungkook. I dont know why she loves you. I dont even know why I'm doing this when I know you will just hurt her again. But..." Taehyung's voice soften. "She's leaving again Kook. She resigned and she's boarding a train today. She's leaving,"

"What?" Jungkook immediately sat up.

"She's leaving and she's not coming back. If you truly loves her, go now. Go and fight for her now!" Jungkook, without waiting for anything else jumped out of bed and ran outside the door.

I'm coming Y/N. Dont leave. Please dont leave me.

With the information that Taehyung has texted him with, Jungkook managed to reached the platform in time, having even to buy a random ticket to get in. He searched around everywhere and finally found the person he was looking for.

"Y/N..." Y/N turned around at the sound of her name, surprised to see the man she loves standing there, looking disheveled.

"Jungkook? Wh...why are you here?"

"Please dont leave me again. Please Y/N. Please stay with me..." He walks closer to her as Y/N chuckle through her tears.

"I didnt leave you the first time Jungkook. You left me. You left our relationship remember?" She said softly. Jungkook stand in front of her, both of them facing each other, having so much to say but also nothing at the same time.

"I'm sorry Y/N. But please stay with me this time. I... I love you. I love you so much," Jungkook's voice is broken, as broken as his heart.

"I cant. I'm sorry but I cant. I dont want to hurt anymore Jungkook. Being here... with you... my heart will never heal," she said softly. Jungkook didnt get to say anything as the train speeds in, blocking all sounds. "I have to go now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Jungkook," Y/N said one last time with tears flowing down her face as she turnd away to the train's entrance. Jungkook can feel her vision gets blurry as tears starts to flood his eyes.

This is it. This is the moment he will lose her forever.

And there's nothing more he can do to make her stay.

"Be happy Y/N. I love you," he gave her a small smile and turned away, not willing to look at the girl he loves boarding the train that will take her away from him forever.

Jungkook fell down to his knees as he hear the sound of the train drove away, taking along his heart away with it. He sat there on the floor, crying his heart out.

"Yah, Jeon Jungkook!"

Jungkook wiped his eyes. Is he dreaming? That sounds like...

He turns around to see Y/N still standing there, wind blowing her hair and face a wet mess with tears, but never looking as beautiful as she did in this moment.

"Y..Y/N?"

"How can you just let me go like that!" Y/N walks closer and hit his chest. "You promised me that night. You promised me that you wont stop chasing me Jungkook. Did you already give up on me?" She cried out. Jungkook grabbed her tiny wrists, halting her from continuosly hitting his chest. He pulled her into a hug and buried his face in her hair while her cries is muffled by his broad chest.

"N..no. I would never give up on you baby. I would never," he whispered. "But I promised you that I wont do anything to hurt you ever again. And being with me is what hurts you Y/N," he sniffled. Y/N pulled her face from his chest to look at him.

"You are an idiot. You are really an idiot Jeon Jungkook," she starts to hit his chest again. "How can you ever think for a moment that I would be happy without you? You may have broken my heart into pieces Jungkook, but without you, I wont ever be able to piece it back together. Maybe that makes me an idiot, but that is what I am. An idiot for you," her tears starts to flow again. "I love you so much Jungkook. I love you. Please. Please promise me that you will love me. You will keep on fighting for me this time. You will stop hurting me," her voice soft as she begged, breaking Jungkook's heart. Never again would he want to hear his love begged to be loved by him.

"Baby," he cupped her cheeks and wiped her tears with his thumb. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. But I promise this time I wont ever do anything to hurt you ever again. If I could turn back time, I would take away all the pain I have put you through. I will fight for you everyday. Even when you are mine, I will still fight for you. I wont ever take you for granted ever again. I will cherished you, love you, worship you,"

"Just promise me you wont hurt me ever again. Just promise me Jungkook,"

"I promise baby. I swear with my life that I will do everything I can to make you happy with me," he kissed her forehead. "Thankyou for taking me back baby. Thankyou for giving me a chance. Thankyou for staying,"

"I have never left Jungkook. Because you have taken my heart from the very first moment we met, and you never did give it back. So in here," she pokes his heart, "is where I will stay, forever,"

#bts #bts fiction #bts scenario #bangtan boys #bangtan #bangtan scenarios #BTS jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook #juungkook scenario #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #kpop #kpop fanfiction #kpop scenario

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blacksheep28 · 5 years

Text

IKEA Days

The group headed for the door.

She paused, heading for the living room to dig out her keys and nab her real clothes. “Hey, you boys can start the car, I need to change real quick.” The keys were pressed into the hands of whoever was closest before dashing off to get ready. Papyrus gasped, practically exploding with excitement at being entrusted with the keys. The group headed out. “we’re just starting the car, not driving it,” Papyrus reminded them.

Once she had a bra on again and she’d smoothed out her hair as much as possible, Shannon rejoined the boys outside. “So where to first?” “PAPYRUS MENTIONED A PLACE CALLED IKEA THAT SELLS FURNITURE PUZZLES!” Sans exclaimed eagerly. "Yep, it sure does." This would be fine, right? She'd put together IKEA furniture before. It couldn't be that bad. "Alright. Figure out where you're all sitting and hop in, I'll drive." The lazy Papyrus settled into the back while the other Papyrus and Sans engaged in a staring contest. Sans looked at them from the front seat. “that seems intense.” Papyrus whipped to look at him. “SANS! WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?” "Well. Shotgun it is. Hope you can navigate well, Sans," Shannon shot over at him with a smile. "Middle row or back row, you two, we have places to be." The shocked pair clambered into the back and settled down. Sans chuckled. “I’m a great guide.” "Alrighty, guide us safely to the mystical land of IKEA, my greatest guide." Shannon pulled out of the driveway and headed towards the city, flipping on the radio and offering out an AUX cord. "Any of you have musical preference?" “better than girl guides,” Sans joked. He pulled out the map. “OH! I LIKE FAST MUSIC!” Papyrus volunteered. “BATTLE MUSIC!” Sans added. “how about swing?” Papyrus asked. "I'm going to pretend you mean the Canadian version of Girl Scouts and spare you from my fist in your face," she smiled sweetly, then tossed the cord back towards the middle console. "I like it all, take turns." Shannon suddenly felt like she was thirteen again and helping take care of too many children at once. Sans blinked. “girl scouts? not girl guides?” So many jokes he’d have to redo. Papyrus took the cord first and blasted out Everything is Awesome. "That what we call it where I'm from." Shannon raised a brow at the music, but didn't take back her cord and tapped her finger along the wheel in time when she found the beat. Sans directed Shannon along as Papyrus took over and put on Sing Sing by Benny Goodman. Her tapping switched immediately to the old fingerings she remembered on the tenor. "Whoever picked this wins definite brownie points," Shannon shouted back towards the boys. Papyrus grinned. “will hold you to that honey.” She grinned towards her rear view mirror and felt a little remorse when they pulled up to the IKEA. It was fun getting to know their music tastes, in her opinion. "Okay, so this place is easy to get lost in. Nobody wander off," Shannon stressed, pointing at Sans and Sans. "You especially. I could spot the others from a mile away, but I'd lose you two forever." “got it. no wondering.” “SANS! SHE SAID NO WANDERING!” “right. no wondering about wandering.” “SANS!” “i’ll just have to wander on wondering.” Papyrus screeched in anguish, the relaxed Papyrus chuckling while the energetic Sans looked torn. Shannon stared blankly at the exchange. "...I didn't get enough sleep for this. Sans, you stay with me." She took his hand in hers and held on tight. "Is there anyone else I need to physically hold on to?" Sans looked at her holding his right hand. “something’s right.” Papyrus looked like he was fighting the urge to kill his brother. The other Sans looked pained at that one himself. The sweatshirt Papyrus slumped over to Shannon’s other side. “i don’t want to get left behind.” At first her cheeks flushed. Then the word play hit her and she tipped her head back and groaned, slipping a hand into Papyrus' anyway. "You two are terrible. Come on, let's go get some furniture." She dragged the group inside and asked where they wanted to begin. "What do we need to get first?" “BEDS FOR EVERYONE,” Papyrus stated. "So we need two beds, I'm assuming the beds you've already got at home are still in tact," Shannon nodded. "So we are going to 'bedroom', follow me." The group traveled through, the occasional customer and employee watching them curiously. Monsters were still an oddity with how rare they were.

“HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?” Sans suggested, pointing to a bed that looked really hard to assemble. “why don’t we test it,” Sans joked. "It looks nice. Let's see." Her hand left Sans' for exactly three seconds to test the bed's sturdiness, and there he went. She grabbed for him immediately. "Whoa, hey, no wandering off. You already have a bed, mister, don't make me pull a Girlfriend Move and have you keep your hands in my pockets," she threatened with a glare. Sans chuckled. “worth a try.” Sans examined the bed. “IT LOOKS STURDY.” Papyrus hummed resting his head on Shannon. “looks good.” "Why don't you test it out, Sans?" She looked to the skeleton in her grasp and squeezed slightly. "Not you. You stay here." “gonna leave me sans bed?” Sans face palmed. “THAT IS MY NAME AS WELL,” he complained. He sat on the bed and bounced slightly. “IT’S COMFY!” Shannon smiled towards the energetic Sans in need of a bed and let go just long enough to give a light smack to the back of the other Sans' head. "That's great! How about you, Papyrus, see anything you want to try?" Sans chuckled at the smack, only half heartedly even attempting to dodge. “I DO NOT NEED A BED! MY RACECAR BED IS VERY COOL AND SUITS ALL MY NEEDS!” Papyrus answered. “think she meant me,” the other Papyrus muttered awkwardly. He slouched down. "Yeah, I did mean this one," she clarified, jiggling Papyrus' hand in hers slightly with a hum. "This... Might get confusing if you boys are all going to stay together. Maybe we should come up with a naming system." Sans unfortunately lit up. “how about comic for me?” “WHAT? WHY?” Papyrus asked. “cause i’m comical.” Shannon bit back a laugh and looked at Papyrus and Sans' strained expressions. "Not that it isn't fitting, but let's choose something that won't give half the household an aneurysm, maybe." “I COULD BE GUARD!” Sans suggested brightly. “could just call me pal,” Papyrus suggested lazily. “PAPS! THAT’S NOT A PROPER NICKNAME!” "I mean, if you'd like that, little blue dude," she agreed before turning to address possibly the worst nickname she'd heard yet. "And that is just truly awful, orange, I'd mix you up with people in a heartbeat. No way." Sans blushed blue again, before quickly forcing his magic back. Why did he like the way that sounded? Papyrus chuckled looking down at his hoodie. “huh. orange works.”

“what about bill?” Sans suggested straight faced. Shannon took a look at 'Orange' and chuckled softly. "You know what, it's unique. It works." She eyed Sans suspiciously-- After that comic suggestion, there was no way this wasn't a trap. Somehow. "Bill sounds fine. If that's what you want."

“THAT’S VERY MATURE OF YOU,” Papyrus congratulated. Sans immediately started humming the Bill Nye theme song. Papyrus twitched. “NYEH!” It took every ounce of self control to snap her mouth shut and keep from chanting along. She twitched, before completely dissolving into giggles. Sans grinned widely, looking completely pleased with her response. Orange Papyrus snickered as well, while the other two looked simply exasperated by their lack of maturity. “HARD TO BELIEVE THEY’RE OLDER,” Sans commented. “Okay, so you’re officially forgiven for wandering off earlier,” Shannon gasped through her dying laughter. “Whew.” She shot a look at the skeletons still holding her hands and raised a brow. “Really? You two are older?” “yup.” Sans grinned at her. “YOU WOULD NEVER GUESS IT FROM HIS BEHAVIOR,” Papyrus pouted. Her eyes flitted between the sets of siblings curiously. “No, no, I see it. Me and my brother are the same way,” Shannon admitted with an amused sigh. “When I was in grade school I helped him with his high school homework.” Orange and Bill looked impressed, while Sans and Papyrus gasped in awe. They looked absolutely ecstatic. “WOWIE! YOU MUST BE BRILLIANT!” Papyrus cheered. “I BET YOU’RE GREAT AT PUZZLES!” Sans exclaimed. The praise made her want to sink into the mattress in front of them and never resurface, but puzzles? Shannon lit up. “I do like puzzles! Mysteries are my favorite, but I like all kinds!” she gushed excitedly, squeezing Bill and Orange’s hands. Orange happily squeezed her hand back. “IT’LL BE GREAT PUTTING THE BEDS TOGETHER,” Papyrus said happily. He and Sans walked over and picked up the huge boxes the beds came in. “I’m sure it will be,” she smiled before her entire expression froze at the sight. They were just picking up the beds, like they were nothing. “I... Wow, monsters sure are strong, huh. Do you— Do you two wanna set those down somewhere before we continue?” “WE CAN PUT IT IN OUR PHONES,” Papyrus answered. “BUT SHOULDN’T WE PAY FIRST?”

Shannon looked around to find the direction of the checkout before she paused, whirling back around to Papyrus. “Wait, phones? Do you have a QR scanner or something?”

“A WHAT?” Papyrus asked. “a qr scanner. handheld device that scans an item to help people buy it,” Bill answered. “NO, WE DON’T HAVE THAT. WE JUST STORE ITEMS DIRECTLY,” Sans said.

“What the hell does— What do you mean, you store items directly?” she asked with a nervous laugh. “Do you have like hammerspace in your cell phones?”

“basically,” Orange admitted. “DO HUMANS NOT HAVE THAT?” Sans asked. “HUMANS LACK A LOT OF BASICS,” Papyrus explained. “WE ARE WORKING TO HELP WITH THAT BUT IT IS SLOW.” “their science has stuff we didn’t know,” Bill pointed out.

Shannon took a minute to just stare at the ground, slightly agape. Actual endless space inventory was a thing to monsters, and also basic. “I...really need to learn more about monster magic,” she sighed softly, straightening up.

“WE CAN TEACH YOU!” Papyrus immediately volunteered.

“You know? I’d like that,” Shannon smiled. “But primary mission first— Let’s take these up to checkout to put on hold.”

The group walked to the front. Every single human they walked past, employee and customer, stopped and stared at the floating boxes following the skeletons.

Shannon leaned across the service counter to scribble her name on a piece of paper. “We’re buying these, but we have some more looking around to do,” she explained with a smile. The employee took their ticket without a word and Shannon moved the group away, reclaiming Bill and Orange’s hands. “So what else, boys?”

The bed boxes were put down and they continued in. “still need mattresses and blankets,” Orange noted.

“CLOTHES TOO,” Sans added. “IT’S BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE YOUR HOODIE WAS WASHED.” Orange shrugged lazily.

"Okay, so back to the bedroom. And we'll stop by a clothing store on the way home, if you'd like," Shannon offered, leading the way back to the right section. "There's actually a mall in the center of town."

“sounds good to me,” Bill said lazily. The group tested a few mattresses, Orange letting go to flop face first into one while Sans yelled at him for being lazy.

She grinned at Orange's behavior and followed suit, hopping down on the bed beside him. How could she pass up the chance to test out a mattress? "Oh, this one's a good one. Gives just a little, firm support."

“SHANNON! DON’T ENCOURAGE HIM!” Sans scolded. Papyrus picked up Bill where he had somehow managed to fall asleep while standing.

"How else would you test the mattress, little blue dude?" she shot back, lifting her head just enough to grin up at him.

“THAT-IT-“ Sans spluttered a little. His cheeks tinted faintly blue. “THAT NICKNAME IS LONGER THAN MY ACTUAL NAME!” He finally got out.

Her grin turned into a softer, sweet smile upon seeing Sans' reaction. "Yes it is, but you do know I'm talking to you," Shannon hummed in amusement. "Would you prefer little blue?"

His blush increased further and Papyrus laughed softly. Orange grinned. “yeah little bro. that work?”

"Little Blue?" she sang playfully. "I'm waiting on an answer here, it's rude to make a lady wait."

“IT’S FINE!” Blue ducked down, really embarrassed now. The nickname was awfully sweet. Papyrus walked over with Bill under his arms. “SO THIS MATTRESS GOOD?” Orange lazily have a thumbs up.

Shannon laughed and let him be before the poor thing died of blue face. "Okay, then let's get it for you," she said to Orange, offering out a hand to coax him up from the mattress. "And get off it so we can bring it home."

“you can bring me with the mattress,” Orange suggested. “PA-ORANGE!” Blue scolded.

"Orange." Shannon paused and instead of prying him from the bed, used her previously offered hand to try and tickle him from the bed. Her fingers danced along where his rib cage would be.

Orange jolted and rolled off the mattress to escape the tickles, nyeh hehing quietly. Blue grinned happily and grabbed the mattress with his magic.

"There we go, one upright skeleton," she said proudly, grinning. "I'm getting pretty good at wrangling you boys, you know? Might have to make it a full time job. Now, off to blankets!"

“THAT SOUNDS GREAT!” Papyrus exclaimed. “THEN YOU COULD BE WITH US ALL THE TIME!” Blue raced off to deposit the mattresses with the bed frames before coming back and picking out blankets. Blue picked out a blanket covered with racing comets and planets while Orange picked out a blanket with a spiral on it.

Shannon paused. It was definitely something for him to take it so literally. "I-- I'd really love to, big guy, but I have a job and bills to pay," she laughed, feeling her face redden. The blankets weren't what she would have expected for the brothers, though to be fair, they weren't very close yet. "I like them. Good choices, Blue, Orange. You two all set on bed stuff?"

Papyrus sagged. “OH. BUT WE CAN HANG OUT AFTER RIGHT?”

"We sure can," she promised with a reassuring pat on Papyrus' arm. “seems so,” Orange agreed. Blue looked around. “WHERE’S BILL?”

"Oh, shoot, I let go of him for one second--". Shannon looked around and retraced their steps for a good few minutes before sighing and taking in a deep breath. "Papyrus, forgive me for what I'm about to do. Ahem-- WHAT'S THE MATTER, BILL?"

His voice came from a bin full of pillows. “everything...everything is matter.” Papyrus stared at the bin as if it had betrayed him, his children, and everything he believed in. “except energy, of course.”

She grinned and marched over towards the stack of pillows to peer inside. "There's my little meme buddy. Come on, Bill, let's go. Sooner we get done with chores, the sooner you can take a real nap."

“pretty comfy here.” Contrary to his words he pushed himself up. Maybe working so long on the machine hadn’t been his best idea. He just really didn’t want to wake up to find things reset. There was a reason he mostly napped instead of sleeping through the night. Blue and Orange carried their blankets to add to their cargo. “just clothes now, right?” Orange asked.

A hand stretched out to help him from the bin. "Yeah, yeah, we'll make something just as comfy when I take you home," she promised. "And... Let's see, I think so? I'm just the valet here, boys." Blue and Papyrus carefully went over everything. “PILLOWS!” Papyrus exclaimed. “right here bro.” Bill slipped the pillows onto the pile and Papyrus grinned. “NOW WE’RE GOOD!” Blue announced. They paid, took out their phones-and somehow got it all in them.

"And there we go, all set!" Shannon just watched as the group made their purchases and the items literally disappeared into their phones-- It was hard not to stare. "Wow, you guys... Were not kidding. Okay, good to know."

“DO YOU WANT YOUR PHONE UPDATED?” Papyrus asked kindly as the group headed back to the car. This time Orange stole shotgun.

She unlocked the car with a little beep and slid into the driver's seat. "Thanks, Paps, but I don't think human technology is even capable of an upgrade that advanced," Shannon laughed softly. "You ready to be my first mate, Orange?" “aye aye captain,” Orange teased. Papyrus looked rather shocked. “DO YOU NEED A NEW PHONE THEN?” Blue asked in concern. "What? Oh, probably, but I hate the new phones. They're too big for my little baby hands," Shannon laughed, tossing back the AUX cord while she started up the engine. "Plus they're expensive, Blue, don't worry about it."

“YOU SURE?” Papyrus asked. “IT SEEMS RATHER REMISS TO LET YOU GO WITHOUT SUCH BASIC TECHNOLOGY.”

The car started off in the right direction at least, and Shannon smiled into her rearview mirror. "Don't worry about it, Papyrus, like I said-- It's very expensive. I don't really have the need or the money right now."

Orange carefully gave directions as they drove, far more precise than Bill had. “ALRIGHT.” Blue put on This is War by Thirty Seconds to Mars.

She was ever grateful for Orange's competent dictation. Driving to unfamiliar areas was a nightmare. "Interesting choice, Blue," Shannon hummed curiously, "Didn't peg you for this kinda guy." “IT’S GREAT!” Blue enthused. “THE PASSION! THE RHYTHM!”

"I'll have to introduce you to EDM some time," she smiled.

“SOUNDS GOOD,” Blue said happily. Bill accepted the aux cord and put on Saskatchewan Pirates. Shannon's eyebrows raised at the music choice, but she said nothing-- Some of her music choices were garbage. High quality garbage.

“MY TURN! NYEH!” Papyrus happily seized the aux cord. Can’t Stop the Feeling by Justin Timberlake played out, Papyrus and Blue dancing to it. "Oh, good one!" Her hands slapped at the wheel to the beat, head bobbing back and forth in lieu of actual dancing while driving. Shannon sang along to every word and grinned over at her first mate while paused at a stop light.

For just driving to get clothes it was fun.

#fanfiction #fanfic #undertale #underswap #sans #papyrus #skelebros #reverseharem #reverse harem

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castlehead · 6 years

Text

makeshift feels from the opinion lab

kafka wrote in a journal urhmherm of being limited to prague, then his room, then his bed, then nothing at all. to be limited at last to nothing at all. well. turns out i guess the most kafkaesque sentiment came from franz kafka.

enjoi ya rickety gethsemane while it is still to be dreamed, young writers, young writers of youth.

after a job on a hot day back in april or may or something i started listening to this while walking out of the truck towards the gas station convenience store and abruptly pivoted away from the sliding doors to sneak around the side and weep near the green fencing around some boilers. it occurred to me how little i could ever forgive myself for doing.

the shit ive done, all of it, i havent forgiven myself. if i did it and it was bad, or even meagre, dumb, really no big deal, bet yr ass it still keeps me from thinking i deserve happiness. i do not forgive myself for anything ive ever done. no deed is too temporal to etch itself cleanly into my head as something unforgivable, if only it makes a small point.

i know this is true because no joy i ever feel is felt fully, because i do not think it is deserved; and because i allow myself to be joyous only when i think of the truth of my unforgiven, unforgivable state. never to be. Never will.

and that is what is depression.

There must be something here, in me. Here where the jackals caterwAul Like streetcats Mewing their gizzard After this night’s heat, What’ll it be Jackals, Buzz off, shit man

i feel like the key to life is knowing that 90 percent of anxiety & depression, either in degree or in its truth, and at least somewhere not wracked by war, is unsubstantiated (the ten percent being actual crises, like fear of violence, a death in the family, etc). The problem is how persuasive these feelings can be that lead to the fulfillment of the very fear or solidifying the reason for being depressed. But with positive feelings, the least thing, whether true or no, can always be rewarding. A bit of happiness must be allowed to be felt, indiscriminately, because it is more useful to us than a bit of sadness. Take the fierce dialectic u use to establish a depressing ‘truth’ and persuade yourself of something good. If one is far fetched, let it be the something bad. Until it happens, after all, all of it remains in your head, to do with what u will.

You don’t get to lower taxes on the rich and gut social services at the same time. The reason social services are in place is to provide a fair shake for john q public. Mostly investors are feeling the benefits of the corporate tax cut. They’re not giving the money towards a better product that would help the people. but one day there will be no sesame seeds on the bun of yr Big Mac and you’ll wonder how that’s possible with an entire sesame seed dept that just got a pay raise.

tax reform should be done to help a free market, so that the rich can be poor and the poor rich. Taxation helps the people so that social services become less necessary. Social services were developed because the percentage of taxation was unequal between higher and lower class. Poor folks felt the pain while rich folks shrugged it off.

Thats why I say you can’t do both: social services are a protection against the world being entirely controlled, if it’s not already, by those from the very swamp this president wants to drain. T**** hasn’t drained shit.

i feel like writing takes over for your thought process. You can’t think and write at the same time, or something. something turns off or it switches where it’s doing the shit it’s doing to a different place, like yr hands. I don’t think you can write down one linear thought with another thought being thought in your head. This is why people say their mind goes blank in extended periods of inspiration. The functioning has gone from being untethered and temporal, ie wandering thoughts, notions, speculating, to being possessed in a focused place, ie yr hands, which usually leads to a more focused expression of perhaps a thought of particular value, enough in the first place to require writing down. But tho this can be easy for some talented people, who might, as Joyce said, polish their nails while writing some genius thing, what does not come easy for anybody, because it is imposssible, is thinking two disparate things, of the everyday and of some behemoth philosophic concept, for example, without either one taken place after or before; or, one of them being intermittently disturbed, tho linearly, by the other, like a notification on yr phone- until at last one of the two breaks down, and the foxus superseded by the one left. This is especially novel. One thinks; one does not think and also think. That would make it two people in one head. Therefore we can presume that ones identity is found in the unity, or internal focus, of their story in thoughts down one narrow wire: thought can cross many paths and examine everything under and beyond th sun, but per person it is still in the singular. It cannot divide into two simultaneous paths of equal focus. there can be multilayered thoughts with a similar core concept behind them, and these can be thought simultaneously as much as one can ante up and dole out shades of emotion and shades of thought, and so on. But I cannot think of a teleological explanation for all creation and with the same focus Apply myself to letters in the mail. There is a dominant voice, and the rest, the mundane voice, is seen thru that lens.

ya cant say yr colorblind then gripe about people hatin ya cuz u r white. contradiction of terms no? if you really didnt see color, ud say people hated yr ass because yr a damnfool entrylevel, grunt-ass lowbrow. not because of the color of ya skin, which ya recognized and put to the forefront in making that very statement.

feel like uh, a priori is not intuition alone. Intuition is a function of the mind, while a priori is, if I understand Kant correctly, a representation synthesized before there is an object of focus available for the senses to interpret, ie an essentially true conclusion drawn, that has no need for a combined manifold, as, Kant tells us, is offered by merely living in space and time: time to extend and progress from cause to effect to cause, and space to do it in. In other words, intuition is cognitive- psychological, and a priori, theoretical- logical.

Pathos is the one thing most divine about people, for i see that in my worst state I can still grieve for the savaging of life’s last hope, and be uplifted, feel tears, at least for a little blessed while. There is no state so low that does not inspire one to at least pity themselves, and feel the comfort of passions, however mistaken or wretched the person.

i feel that / Some subjects do not even allow to be proved through the scientific method, yet they are still issues of a scientific nature and not just mysticism. the line is very thin however, since usually these subjects devolve into mysticism. In fact, if science only worked with that which could be proven, from the outset or otherwise, we’d have a pretty limited roster of discoveries. Sometimes discoveries can be made along the way towards proving; sometimes, discoveries can be made, scientifically, thru means that for lack of anything better, are entirely theoretical. And sometimes the search is not to prove something true but to clarify something. Science is not out to be incontrovertible.

The man in mismatched sox inhaled not as deeply as he would have liked at such a crescendo, even if on the third listen in a row, then, looked up at the massive pure blue upwards, cloudless, felt likely to cry for joy, but in the end simply mouthed the words:

“I’m gonna die of loneliness, fo sho.”

So often doth trespass our intuition upon realms and pathways of a more intimate enumeration of cause and effect than could be available to any witness, and that is available only to the actioning of objects involved in the event seen and analyzed by what and who were no player.

The crisis paid goodbyes in the form of telling your ass off, is what he said. But we all knew he thought he was merely a parable often enough already. We didn’t listen to the crisis, deliberately shut our ears like boxing them very slowly ourselves before anyone else could. Later in the year many terrible events would occur that were the direct result of ignoring his words. But nobody came around to believing he did it. The crisis was way off teaching prophecies someplace probably foreign. But if I refuse to be confined to learning from my own folly I should at least give the follies of others a chance. Fatass karma, and more hell than handbasket.

What the crisis he said was

HEY YOU DONT WANT TO FACE JACK, FACE? TELL ME ABOUT HOW CRUELTY CAN BE ELEGANT AGAIN. YOU ARE FACING NO SUCH BURDEN OF SIMPLY LIVING. TELL ME WHAT HALLUCINATIONS ARE, YOU SWOLLEN, DYSPEPTIC SHIT.

And to this day All I remember is him Looking slain already Like he’d be on the slab In days Or even hundreds of years from then And it’d be how, uh, how He looked then Slamming the door While my sister and things Was gatherin they buckets for weeping later In that queer disease of spite where You grieve for the vanquished enemy.

all triumph is in some sense humorous, for in itself triumph is the opposite of tragedy. that is why the soldier laughs as he shoots at a retreating enemy. there is an element of rowdiness that is somewhat comedic, taken in itself.

Numbers are the only symbols that stand for what they are. In this way they are more like hieroglyphs

is bed porn a thing? it should definitely be a thing.

THIS LIFE IS FILLED WITH DARKNESS THIS DARKNESS IS SO LIGHT GOD IN HEAVEN QUA SKY MUST BEAT WINGS TO KEEP ON GROUND NOTHING MUCH IS EVER FOUND NOTHING MUCH IS EVER FOUND. No symbols where none intended etc etc

No art is permanent, in that its aims in being created do not last, do not translate between epochs. I will never experience Homer as one living in Ancient Greece. Have not closely read Homer, but when I do it will be as myself in my time, with all the sullying context of those years from then to now only left to unguide me.

Kierkegaard tricks you into thinking he knows his insanity is illogical, the side effect of writing his labyrinths. The frightening moment comes when you realize how fiercely logical his insanity seems to him, and how insane the World actually is, and you wonder if it is that you do not understand it or just do not accept it.

#prose #powtry #prowse #poetry #collage #social media

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mc-slowwalker · 3 years

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I have a prime sub but it’s to karl… who never streams :’((( I miss karl he should stream more. I have literally never been gifted a sub and a friend of mine has been gifted so many like, george, ranboo you name it. 3 hours after I started typing this I got gifted a punz sub lets gooo. gonna be watching his mcc ad and we’ll see about the ads

so true I 100% agree. cheating is always morally correct. “academic integrity” like okay uni whatever you say it’s literally has no weight if you’re studying to pass an exam instead of actually learning. we should be studying to learn not pass an exam. yeah exactly!! knowledge shouldn’t cost this much.

lmaooo trueee and also moood. (about the antisocial/awkward stuff I feel like to didnt make sense just like that what I was referring to with the next sentence starting with “like”) like I feel bad about feeling toxic about the twitter updates account thing because like I’ve been a person from the twitter updates account but like I’m not toxic for no reason afterwards. yeah it’s 100% so frustrating!! like a while ago I remember seeing “oh I’m not sending dts on dream’s behalf I’m sending them on mine” like huh???? do you not see the problem with that??? ughhh I get you tho I was annoyed with the kaceytron stream as well. I didn’t watch it tho like I watched a bit and was like fuck this then left. yeah I also hate it when he goes on streams of people who actively talk shit about him like :/// lowkey I feel like I’m just a bit too defensive of him sometimes because of all the unnecessary shit he gets from so so many people but at least I recognise that ig. I swear tho, his twitter stans get him in wayy more shit than he does. like that one account that counted the days made me so mad. but yeah it is kind of the same stuff. like I try not to cause I know it’s the same but like when I do it, it feels justified and not just being shitty for no reason but take away all that and it is really the same. like not to be a gatekeeper buuuuut. I’m very good at ignoring it all tho

that’s really cool but also spanish as a requirement in uni (/college idk)??? never heard of that. oh dang that’s cool I’ve always wanted to know more languages. language and the way people use it and like communication in general has always been so interesting to me. I want to say something about like my strong use of “like” now cause I’m noticing it. yeah exactly, the way people communicate online is so interesting!

tubbo should start war with foolish about the beets. that would be funny I think. and amazing lore. cause like not all lore has to be all high production. like I love hugh production lore, I love funny, silly lore, I love “semi” lore I’d enjoy it all. just log onto the smp and like idk do literally anything I will count it as lore. everything that has ever happened on the smp is canon to me. tubbo could literally just like nuke someone and start a whole new storyline. he should nuke the prison. I would say nuke foolish’s summer home over the beets but I’d be too sad about that and it’s a bit of an overreaction. there is much potential and I love tubbos character. also ranboo?? he just said that enderwalk was c!ranboo with all his memories and just like dipped and went to the uk. I do get that they’re all very busy tho and it can be difficult to find the time and all that I haven’t watched much of the bear smp but it looks cool and I may get into it at some point. I feel like I just don’t have any time these days tho

he didn’t drop off the face of the earth!! he did a 5 hour long merch vc. I am australian 😔✌️so I was asleep for half of it but it was nice just listening to it when I woke up. sapanp singing was my favourite bit. like I listened to some of those songs afterwards cause I liked them but it just wasn’t the same😔😔

I feel bad for replying so late tho so sorry about that I just felt very not social all day but I do like that with anon I can kinda just come and go and it’s chill

Yooooo congrats on the gifted punz sub! Yeah I seem to have bad luck with gifted subs, random chance I’ve only gotten sapnap, the fundy gifted was a gift from a friend

The best knowledge is free anyways. Also uni/college always tries to guilt you like who are you the catholic church fuck off. Bruh I’m paying for your services you should be treating me good I’m basically a glorified customer

Bro you where a twitter updates account?? Props to you I am at all times in the worst position to know stuff. Unless I am actively live blogging I have 0 what’s going on. I’m always years late to new informations like I’ll check my phone and realize that I missed a whole lore stream. Also on twitter you can’t even send dts right??? Like here you can actually say the words death die & kill but on twitter you have to censor yourself. “Die” funny, a little threatening but ultimately can be ignored. “d13” hilarious not at all threatening?? Wait this makes it seme like I am cool with death threats I’m not but I’ve gotten a fair share and seen other people get them and they’re always funny to me. Telling someone to die isn’t funny but being told to die is very funny if that clarifies anything. I thinknI watched a lot of the kaceytron stream (however I watched it through a dream fan streaming the stream so she didn’t get any views/money) and the whole thing was extremely upsetting. I can be defensive of him too, not so much for him but more for me. I know he can probably handle most of it but how dare people insult stuff I like. It’s less defending his honor and more how dare people disrespect me through disrespecting things I like. Plus if it ever is too much for dream I know his friends will come in clutch. Bbh saying stuff is the indicator tm that what people are saying about dream is bullshit

Does college means something different to the rest of the world? In the us it’s almost interchangeable with uni except universities can give you a doctorate while college can only get you your undergrad. It’s less that spanish is required and more that we’re required to take two years of a language and I just chose spanish. I’ve met so many people who either only speak spanish or have spanish as their first language that knowing the amount that I do has actually come in handy. Dont think about the like thing too much trust me. It’s a really good comma and indicator that you’re speaking casually but the more you notice it the more upsetting it becomes

I think the beets could be a great plot point because beets suck and I hate them!! I really do like silly lore but I hate the effect it has on the fandom. I haven’t forgiven people for writing off the l’sandburg lore. In the words of the wisest man I ever knew “everything I do on the dream smp is canon to some extent”. Accept that silly lore is canon folks!! That’s what makes the dream smp so much fun! Also high production lore can be super lame guys please this is roleplay in minecraft chill

Wait about tubbo’s lore did we ever find out who stole the one nuke? I don’t watch a lot of ranboo’s stuff but I’m very happy that enderwalk ranboo is besties with c!dream theory is coming along nicely. Uno au my beloved. No about the bear smp stuff I’d also like to get into ballsmp, more of hermit craft, and 3rd life but I’m busy too? Like college hasn’t even started and I’m already sweating. Speaking of other smps do you remember that smp that karl and quackity were invited to but never logged on? Ahoddj that was hysterical. Never gonna watch it, just think it’s funny that they were invited and decided you know what nah

The 5 hour long merch podcast my beloved!!! I had two favorite parts (other than sapnap singing) the first was when he said the alright and we all complained enough that he decided to keep streaming and the second was the final alright where he said bye and then dipped with 0 hesitation while sap & george were still in the call sjsjdk

Again no worries I’ll always be here to answer no rush for anything I’m simply vibing at all times

#ask #anon #long post

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sokumotanaka · 3 years

Text

@rwdestuffs [In regards to this post]

[ This post is just a response, nothing of vaule if you want any r/wby critique.]

Alright let me try to make this as short as possible.

Miles and Kerry stated she’s Rapunzel, Long tower, long blonde hair honestly think they can drop the whole fairy tale allegory since they only apply skin deep to the characters mentioned and not all characters have them but that’s a completely separate post.

What I mean by spoiled rich girl is we like to talk about how blake is spoiled and privileged despite the poor writing, her parents and house just spawned and we’re supposed to pretend blake made up that she was “raised in the white fang” up despite the writers making it up as they go. Salem is living in a castle, she’s healthy, she’s not malnourished or underdressed. (FFS she has makeup on.) she has lavish decor, besides not being allowed outside she has everything which is why I think beyond going outside she’s never been told no so when the gods told her what's dead is dead she got pissy yelled at the first one then went behind his back and lied to the dark god.

That’s what the lie was. I don't even know why you jumped to such a bizarre conclusion, I was talking about the gods so clearly the lie would correlate with the previous sentence.

He father didn’t get physical, her father was a concept made to hold her in the house, but we never see or hear a protest of any kind,even when Ozma walked in her house there was barely any resistance and we never learn what her father thinks, who he is or why he didn’t allow her outside. Honestly he could have been replaced with a table and it would have the same effect of keeping her in.

As for the gods if we’re gonna talk about what the gods should of did (giving her hope is not the gods job especially when she stomped off in a tantrum, no amount of words will ever help when you know there’s a god within walking distance that can bring that person back. All that will matter to you or anyone in that instance is them being back.) If we’re gonna bring up what should of happened and been said, maybe salem should of had a horrified reaction to her friend being dusted, she literally swats at their dust like an annoying fly, she should have told the god the truth or even considered that it could be risky to go to the god of darkness for a deal, even a small throwaway line like “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

Again we can’t hold omnipotent beings to the standards of humans for all you know they dont know how to comfort, we can make up loads of offscreen mishaps, yes they’re responsible (making her immotal as a punishment was stupid and weird. And if we wanted to sympathize with Salem more it would be interesting if she went to apologize after a time and they still went “lol no you’re still immortal.) but here’s the thing: So is Salem and everyone rather side juke the idea that she watched what I’m assuming were allies turn to dust and literally went “so what, I’ll just bring more people.” She’s equally as horrible but here’s the thing, we can hold her to human standards, no one told her to jump into the goo or to send people to their deaths, no one led her to do those, she walked there.

To be honest the god’s inclusions were stupid in the first place it robs the story of all character agency and turns it into “the whim of gods” Salem still has large ammounts of blood on her hand and the fact that people act like they simply didn’t see it so they can point the finger at gods while salem whined that she didn’t have more bodies to throw at them is scummy, shitty behavior on her part.

And I wanna stress this one more time I dont care what happens to the gods, but trading one bad character for another is well everyone in rwby besides pyrrha, Sienna and team CVFY are horrible people who get forgiven for horrible crimes.

#rwde discussions

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eeveelutionsforequality · 6 years

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Submission:

@Mod Vaporeon I guess

Look I aint a fan of MAPs but if they're not hurting anyone then whatevs

BUT anti-contact maps that still gush about how attractive children are are still harming them. Sexualising children is harmful. Normalising attraction to children by talking about it like it's just a regular crush thing, or being all cutsey about it is harmful. I really hope I don't need to tell you why that is the case.

https://shameshack.tumblr.com/post/166785893508/the-creepy-emoji-really-sells-it-on-the-you-dont

Does that person touch any of those children, her own included? Does she even flirt with them? No, I don't think so. But going "ohhhh my kid-crush is fugly as now he's a teen but his younger sister?? JUST got into my pedophile range and she is fine." *Cue another MAP engaging with them, discussing it without a hint of shame and a fucking smirking emoji*

Allowing MAPs a platform to talk about coping with their thoughts and offering support and methods of non-harmful coping with other MAPs? Great! Chatting away with others about how lean, athletic and soft a child's body is without a hint of remorse until they're called out, because they're blog and those posts are fucking public on a 13+ age site? And therefore is absolutely open to a child stumbling only their blog because it's public? Not cool.

Just because they wouldn't touch a child doesn't mean it's okay to try and normalise children being sexually attractive. We can look at it as an intrusive thoughts thing, sure, and I agree that's the best way to get MAPs help! But that doesn't mean those thoughts are okay. Someone with intrusive thoughts about how they're the reincarnation of Hitler and must restart his legacy shouldn't just be forgiven if they ham it up with a bunch of Nazis because "they can't help it and hey I never actually harmed any Jews (physically anyway, but w/e I'm not culpable for any Jew I harmed with my posts bc the only way someone can get onto a blog is OBVIOUSLY if they're looking for it amiright so it's their fault)!"

We can accept that MAPs have little to no control over their attraction without accepting that their attraction is valid, reasonable or worth discussing except to demonise. If these MAPs were truly as saintly and suffering as you make them out to be they wouldn't be all cutesy and wink wink nudge nudge about discussing it, because they would understand that attraction to children is wrong regardless of how much they can help it.

MAPs need help, not a niche on Tumblr that defend their attraction and their "non-contact but still skeevy af" actions.

Idk if you're gonna say you agree with me or whether you're gonna pull a "not all MAPs are like that!" or w/e but there is an undeniable issue with the MAP community on Tumblr, and that the ones like the above are as harmful as the Nazis that have "thought experiments" on what the world would be like without black people.

First off, please go back and re-read my opinions.

Such as the ramble where I explained how positivity without pragmatism and awareness of risks is dangerous: http://eeveelutionsforequality.tumblr.com/post/167978864727/grunkle-rian-eeveelutionsforequality

Or the post where I talk about the risk of radicalization in a community and condemn maps who talk about it like infatuated school girls, referring to the very post you linked: http://eeveelutionsforequality.tumblr.com/post/167769139872/what-the-hell-are-maps

If you want to discuss this with me, please come at it in good faith and discussing my actual beliefs, not twisting my opinions into things they're not.

"Idk if you're gonna say you agree with me or whether you're gonna pull a "not all MAPs are like that!" or w/e"

Yeah, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to pull a not all maps because not all maps - some just wanna tell you where Greenland is.

In all seriousness, no, I do not agree with judging an entire demographic by their bad eggs - "not all maps" wouldn't be inaccurate to say. I think it's shitty that saying "not all X" has become something that's shrugged off as you simply defending X from an emotional standpoint, even when you're just stating a fact - not all men, not all maps, and if somebody's argument relies on all of a group being something that they're not then it's a bad argument.

"there is an undeniable issue with the MAP community on Tumblr, and that the ones like the above are as harmful as the Nazis that have "thought experiments" on what the world would be like without black people"

I criticize both them and the Nazis whenever I see them doing something out of line, I try to explain why they're wrong and help people see other perspectives - that's a tonne of what I do on this blog, I talk to people about my opinions on particular topics and criticize things that I think should be criticized. I have, at no point, said that the map community is flawless - in fact, I've been vocal in criticizing certain methods and in saying that I think that they need to listen to people's concerns and approach conversation from a point of empathy rather than defensiveness far more than they do.

"anti-contact maps that still gush about how attractive children are are still harming them. Sexualising children is harmful. Normalising attraction to children by talking about it like it's just a regular crush thing, or being all cutsey about it is harmful."

Unfortunately, like everything in this dark and stressful topic, this is more complicated than that. I believe that I've made it clear in previous posts how creepy and unsavoury I find the way that the people in your example talked about it, and that I'm not on board with what they were doing.

However, there are a few factors that I think should be taken into account in working out how best they as an individual should manage talking about their interests themselves. On one hand, you have the dwelling or "normalizing" of it to themselves, and the discomfort such conversations cause others. On the other hand, you have the fact that locking away your feelings and struggles isn't good for you (you can dwell or "normalize" something to yourself without ever mentioning it verbally or in typing - in fact, expressing it is one of very few ways to have it actually challenged). To that end, I don't think that public tumblr posts, and especially not encouraging replies, are the way to go about getting certain feelings out. However, only talking amongst each other can lead to echochambers - I mean, if you think that them saying those things publicly can increase the risk and that they need to have those things challenged, then surely them simply moving that to messages isn't the answer you want.

Amongst other things, I've been vocal about how maps should seek therapy/counselling and should be ensuring that their community doesn't become an echochamber, especially encouraging them to allow and take on board fair criticism (and encouraging others to present their criticism in fair ways rather than attacks, insults and suicide baiting).

They're only human, and they do need people to talk to about these things and to get things off their chests - they're not perfect, they're not angels - and while therapy can play a part in achieving that, they also likely need a support network (otherwise they wouldn't be part of the map community in the first place). If/when you've ever had a crush that was disgusting or wrong in some way, did you keep it inside and start wondering whether there was something wrong with you, or did you tell somebody you trusted how you felt?

I don't think that publicly saying it on tumblr, especially not in the manner that they did (in fact, the tone is possibly my biggest issue with it), was good for them or good for the people that saw it (and, by extension, could've emotionally harmed children that saw it) - but I don't think that means that they're not ever allowed to talk about it, or that it's harming children if they ever do, just that it's gotta be done safely and reasonably.

You sound just like an anti-shipper right now, honestly.

I'm totally up for talking about how to prevent echochambers in whatever place they find to vent, while also preventing people who could be triggered and minors from accessing such a place, and helping the maps keep a constant wall between thoughts and actions, ensuring that discussing something in a place specifically catered to discussing it doesn't translate into any kind of warped perspective on how you can behave towards children. In fact, that'd be a great conversation to know was going on in their community - but at the moment nobody seems to be actually talking about solutions to problems or whatever, one side just wants to attack and the other side just wants to defend, so these things only ever get brought up in a "look how bad maps are" way.

"Allowing MAPs a platform to talk about coping with their thoughts and offering support and methods of non-harmful coping with other MAPs? Great!"

I totally agree, and I'm glad that we share this common ground - it's more than most offer them.

But unfortunately at some point we have to realize that learning how to cope with thoughts partially entails talking about the thoughts you're trying to cope with. The same goes for people who occasionally post things about wanting to die or wanting to drink themselves stupid - the posts can be harmful if seen by the wrong person, and if seen by the right person they can result in much needed help, or simply a shoulder to cry on. That's one of the uses of the tagging and blacklisting we have on this site - to ensure that the right people see the right posts, and the wrong people never have to. Plus, there's a balance to be found in expressing stuff, and a lot of it comes down to how and where they're talking about the thoughts - the people in the link you posted got both wrong, in my opinion.

"Chatting away with others about how lean, athletic and soft a child's body is without a hint of remorse until they're called out, because they're blog and those posts are fucking public on a 13+ age site? And therefore is absolutely open to a child stumbling only their blog because it's public? Not cool."

Again, I don't know why you're posing this as an argument against me when I've openly condemned that post multiple times.

The appropriate tagging, password protected blogs, NSFW marked blogs, adequate warnings, etc, would prevent these posts from ever falling into the path of someone who isn't looking for them, especially a child, and maps should be utilizing those features. Plus, 13+ year olds aren't children, they're teenagers (but I'm not particularly complaining about that because I call everyone under like 30 "kid"). I've been encouraging people to stop turning safe search off when they're too young, to stop seeking out that kind of content, and to utilize blacklisting and chrome filters and such, and I've been encouraging maps and shippers and kinksters to adequately tag things.

And, outside of pro-contacts and that particular example, I've only once (that I can remember) seen maps publicly talk about someone being attractive who wasn't either an adult or a fictional character (and it wasn't done in the way that the example did) - maybe I only interact with the good ones, that's entirely possible, anecdotal evidence is anecdotal. I've also seen multiple antis posing as maps lately. The actual genuine maps that I've interacted with have had a similar opinion to mine on this topic - they understand why people don't like that sort of thing, they don't want children to find it, but they want to get things off their chest and be allowed to vent sometimes. So, and you're not gonna like this... not all maps.

"Just because they wouldn't touch a child doesn't mean it's okay to try and normalise children being sexually attractive."

Why are you bothering with the maps on here then? A tiny and hated subgroup on a tiny and hated website is not normalizing anything in society (and they don't want to, in my experience, they just want it understood and not to be treated like shit for it) - what about the countries where young boys and girls are routinely used as prostitutes, where assaulting young boys regularly is "tradition"?

Maybe I'm just manipulated, maybe there's some grand scheme to turn everybody in the western world into pro-contacts, and a tiny anti-contact community on tumblr dot com is where the disgusting revolution begins... but I highly doubt it. I'm trusting them when they say that their intent is to find the most effective way to support each other and to live their lives safely and without offending, while hopefully teaching others that pedophilia and child abuse aren't synonymous, that maybe there's prevention methods, that maybe they don't deserve to die.

"But that doesn't mean those thoughts are okay."

Is this just an experiment to see how many times in a row you can make me say "I never said that"?

I have, however, said that things you have zero control over do not dictate whether or not you are a bad person - mostly in regards to slavery from generations ago not dictating whether people alive today are good or bad, but it applies here too.

What does whether or not the thoughts are "okay" have to do with any of this? Plenty of my intrusive thoughts aren't "okay" - that's part of why they're so hellish to deal with, because they disturb me. I can't do anything about them though. I can't make them disappear. Whether or not they're "okay" is irrelevant - how to cope with them is what's important. I don't care for ascribing morality to the thoughts, it's like ascribing morality to the sun - it's there, it's doing shit, if I'm an idiot it'll burn me, but if I'm pragmatic about it everything'll be okay.

The maps can't magic away their thoughts either, neither can therapy, so whether their thoughts are "okay" or not is also irrelevant - what matters is how they can go about coping with those thoughts, and part of that is via their support network.

"Someone with intrusive thoughts about how they're the reincarnation of Hitler and must restart his legacy shouldn't just be forgiven if they ham it up with a bunch of Nazis because "they can't help it and hey I never actually harmed any Jews (physically anyway, but w/e I'm not culpable for any Jew I harmed with my posts bc the only way someone can get onto a blog is OBVIOUSLY if they're looking for it amiright so it's their fault)!""

Honestly, I'm so surprised that the award for worst analogy of 2017 got snatched away from the previous leader so late into the year.

Person with intrusive thoughts of being Hitler (believing you're actually Hitler reincarnated would be a delusion, not an intrusive thought, by the way, but I'll forgive you) is being compared to an anti-contact map, right? So by extension the comparison for neo-nazis would be child molesters or pro-contacts. Because other anti-contact maps would be other people who think they're Hitler, while people who actually genuinely wanna preach nazism are people who actually genuinely wanna hurt kids, right? So already we're comparing somebody talking to other people who have the same struggle, so that they can help each other cope with it, to somebody seeking out a group that actively harms people or promotes harming people in a manner that their particular struggle fixates on... different scenarios.

Saying what amounts to "I saw a hot kid, but I don't wanna act on that" is so hugely different from plotting with neo-nazis and spreading holocaust denial. The equivalent to those would be somebody advocating to make child molestation legal or spreading bullshit pro-contact talking points that child molestation is okay - again, I strongly disagree with those people, I argue against them, they're disgusting, but they're not the people that we're talking about here so the comparison falls apart.

Please, can we use comparisons that don't completely belittle anti-semitism? Can we use comparisons that don't act like giving in to a Hitler identity delusion and promoting the neo-nazi cause as a result is even remotely comparable to venting about a paraphilia that you're keeping under control? These are such different scenarios. And it's a complete non-point because I've never said that people aren't responsible for the things that they say (although, someone with a Hitler delusion that bad wouldn't have legal capacity so, legally speaking, no they wouldn't be responsible for what they said).

"We can accept that MAPs have little to no control over their attraction without accepting that their attraction is valid, reasonable or worth discussing except to demonise."

Sure, you can do whatever you want. I, on the other hand, think that it's not the most effective approach if you want to prevent crimes and to help people.

If you demonize the act of thinking that thought and the thought itself, rather than the content of the thought if made real, what do you hope to achieve other than causing unnecessary mental strain on a person that could negatively impact their coping? Do you feel the same way about people who ship certain ships and talk openly about it?

Valid and reasonable? Completely irrelevant. The thoughts are there, validity and reason didn't play a part in dictating whether or not those thoughts would come to be, it's a pointless way to judge them and it's unproductive - we're talking about how best to deal with the thoughts and how to prevent harm. That's like saying that my arthritis isn't okay, it's not reasonable... like, it doesn't matter, I've still got arthritis.

Not worth discussing? The people struggling with the thoughts and needing support, the people who's lives have been improved by that support, I'm pretty sure they'll beg to differ.

"If these MAPs were truly as saintly and suffering as you make them out to be they wouldn't be all cutesy and wink wink nudge nudge about discussing it, because they would understand that attraction to children is wrong regardless of how much they can help it."

"Saintly and suffering", what? I don't understand how you got that impression, I'm sorry that you did and all of that, but I also think that it's ridiculous. I talk about them like they're human beings with complex emotions - on account of the fact that they are.

Yeah, I understand that setting myself on fire right now, even the fact that I want to, would be pretty wrong... I've still been casually making jokes about it. I also make dead baby jokes. I make jokes about blowing up parliament. You can understand that something is terrible and still talk casually about it.

"MAPs need help, not a niche on Tumblr that defend their attraction and their "non-contact but still skeevy af" actions."

What do you think a support network is for? It's part of that help. The community and the people within work towards keeping each other non-offending and supporting each other's mental well-being. Just because you can cherrypick an asshole doesn't mean that they should just disassemble and throw away the entire community and the advantages it can bring - it just means that they need to work on having more open conversations about what the impact of certain behaviour and posts could be and how to mitigate that.

"the ones like the above are as harmful as the Nazis that have "thought experiments" on what the world would be like without black people"

I prefer when they have their thought experiments somewhere that I can butt in and correct them, rather than building themselves a little echo chamber.

But, since we're talking about anti-contacts here, you've actually taught me something... I didn't know that there were anti-nazi nazis who talked about hypotheticals and thoughts, while simultaneously advocating against any real world nazi regime or ethno-state, and arguing against discrimination based on race or religion. That's interesting.

#Mod Vaporeon #submission #long post

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