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atoasttoreality · 1 year

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Remember to shit before midnight, cause you ain't carrying old shit to the new year! 🤣

#random shit #sarcasm #2023 #new year #lame humour #happy new year #shit #crap #lame joke #joke #dad joke #new year joke

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inkskinned · 1 year

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probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

#this is true #writeblr #warm up #relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes #amongst the Siblings #is like - ''this is so good u will love it''#while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting #like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good''#to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good #(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and #like. we're GONNA try the new thing.)#edit to answer why we had so much vanilla:#my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house.#it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out''#even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter.#my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract #to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids #so like she was right to stock up #ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that #u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it #> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes #> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out)#listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9 #when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it.#3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters #i am the middle child #out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite

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catchymemes · 4 months

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#happy new year #2024 #funny #lol #haah #humor #meme #memes #new years eve #happy new year 2024 #dank memes #dark humor #jokes

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egophiliac · 4 months

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popping back in for a couple seconds, because I am obsessed with these two throwaway characters from the last new year's bit. I need to know more about this fancy overdramatic theater kid and IT nerdling's more-likely-than-you'd-think friendship.

(brb, building an entire mental headcanon around these random characters who will literally never appear again. they have a whole sitcom together...in my heart.)

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #...i mean. barely. but just in case.#sam's new year sale 2024 #sorry for being...even less around than usual #between this stubborn cold and art block it's been. well it's been a time.#and then these forgettable one-off characters who exist for the sake of a joke showed up...#this is the first time i've actually felt like drawing in the past few days and i'm not going to question it

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caliartcat · 26 days

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the sequel my art tablet broke but i will always deliver <3

#this is basically what all klapollo art looks like #the art is an april fools joke but the caption isnt #my art tablet actually gave up after 7 years and is no longer functioning properly </3 #dw im getting a new one #i have more (actual) apollo art planned #klapollo #apollo justice #klavier gavin #ace attorney

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crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington · 4 months

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RESIDENT EVIL BODY TYPES THE SEQUEL!

part one...!

#first day of the new year and im drawing shirtless men #ethan winters #karl heisenberg #leon kennedy #mia winters #THIS IS NO JOKE THE BEST MIA IVE EVER DRAWN #I COULDNT STO TELLING MY FRIENDS ABOUT HER #HEY GIRL...#i love u mia #i spent 15 minutes trying to draw ur nose and id do it all again #resident evil #resident evil fanart #rebhfun #resident evil village #resident evil 8 #re8 #i drew all of these using references of my own body #but im a 5'2 100 pound lanky asian girl #so i did have some trouble drawing karl #it bothers me when people draw leon as some slim tiny little baby #have u seen pictures of him #his bicep is literally the size of his head its almost absurd #GIVING EVERYONE FAT ROLLS BECAUSE I CAN!#THEY R ALL WELL FED AND HAPPY AND WARM AND CONTENT WITH LIFE!#dad bod ethan!!!!!#ethans body type is probably the hardest to draw accurately #because there isnt any really good refernce for him becuase he wears like THREE LAYERS #ethan is actually pretty thin in re7 #but idganarf 3 years have passed and he had a kid he has a dad bod now its true #he has muscle defiently though i dont think hes as musclely like leon or chris that would be insane

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redrobin-detective · 7 months

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I think one underrated tragedy of Ice King's scars is that he probably took away Simon's sense of levity.

Like in his very limited appearances before Simon is consumed by the crown we see he's kind of a silly dude. In his introduction video, he only put on the crown in order to playfully tease his fiancee. Plus watching him make light of the loneliness and general misery for a young girl in a broken world. He was a dedicated man, who was generous and loved with his whole heart and threw himself one hundred percent into everything he did. He was also a fun lil guy.

But after almost a millennia of being a mad man, the brunt of every joke, someone who only existed as a broken caricature of himself and couldn't be counted on to take anything seriously, I imagine he was done with it. Now he wants to focus back on his academic endeavors, on his role as a father figure in Marcy's life, on being a proper adult. Any attempts to be silly could easily remind everyone - including himself- of Ice King, something he's eager to avoid.

So his jokes and jibes and general lightheartedness turned to sarcasm and self deprecating comments.

#watching him in simon & marcy compared to Fionna and cake #like he is handling the two stressful situations totally differently #fionna and cake #simon petrikov #adventure time #like this was a dedicated historian but hes also a fun guy!#and then he spends a thousand years as the worlds biggest punchline #and suddenly he doesnt WANT to be funny anymore #he wants to be serious and taken seriously #and to separate himself from IK as much as possible #he thinks of a silly joke and immediately quashes it #like its not just his obvious depression in F&C #it really feels like new Simon is trying very hard to not be that guy anymore #no wonder he feels lost hes purposefully divorcing himself from a part of who he'd been even before the crown #ive binged a ton of AT eps the last few days I could be wrong but thats the vibe I get

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batshaped · 8 months

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morning people

#mewtwo #mew #pokemon #art #fanart #i just think they're neat #the mug joke is reused from a pikachu i drew a few years ago #but it's a good joke i deserve to reuse it #sorry i haven't kept up posting here #i don't like the new layout #but twitter is dying so hardcore and it's pissing me off #so i guess i should try to foster an audience here or something #`uuuggghh i don't WANNA #there's too many websites now. i can't be posting on all these websites #everyone just pick one #08082023 #august 2023 art #2023 art

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itsnotalemon · 6 months

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he only wants to have fun!

#that moment when i can make one of my special interests combine with a new hyperfixation #my art #the amazing digital circus #caine #pomni #lemon demon #cabinet man #im so glad i paid 50k+ for a year of art school just so I could be taught how to properly draw speech balloons #and i wish i was joking too

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adhdslugcrimes · 1 month

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Bruce: Robin is a fae, please don't take anything from him, don't give him your name, and I'm not liable if you get taken by the fae. *Leaves*

Everyone but kaldur and Wally: *nervous, especially zatanna*

Dick, holding a milkshake: here you go Walls.

Wally, about to grab it: thanks Rob— *zatanna slaps it out of his hands* hey!

Zatanna: didn't you just heard Batman!?

Wally: it doesn't apply to me I already gave him my name when I was six!

Zatanna: you gave the fae your name, at six!? And you took a gullible child's name

Wally: I wasn't gullible, he told me not to give him my name but I did because lore reasons!

Dick: it's true, I tried to warn him. *Gives Wally another milkshake*

Zatanna: what could have been so bad you gave ya name to a fae!

Wally, abused by his father so badly the stories of fae taking him didn't sound so bad: we don't have enough time to unpack all of that, *slurps milkshake*

#dick grayson #wally west #birdflash #bruce wayne #zatanna #yjl #young justice #fae!Dick #fae au #this idea started a new au #Dick is already fae coded honestly #a john mulaney joke #six year old wally was like: fuck it #wal/y: the fae can't be too bad

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atalana · 8 months

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so the good place is widely lauded on this site for its takes on morality and capitalism, which i totally agree with

but i think it should get more recognition for the line "all humans are aware of death. so we're all a little bit sad all the time. that's just the deal. we don't get offered any better ones. and if you try and ignore your sadness, it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. i've been there, and everybody's been there. so don't fight it. in the words of a very wise bed bath and beyond employee i once knew - go ahead and cry all you want. but you're gonna have to pay for that toilet plunger."

#i dunno i've been thinking about grief lately #and i think the nature of humanity is everyone's grieving something #it might not always be as straightforward as the death of a loved one - sometimes it is #but sometimes you're grieving a life you never got to live #the person you used to be #hell an old toy you just realised you lost years ago and are never going to get back #we're all just a little bit sad all the time #and i think looking at the world like that makes it a lot more friendly place #because everyone is someone who needs a bit of comfort - or just someone to say hey its okay to be sad and angry and confused #and when you're finally ready to let whatever you're grieving go the world will be a happier place #and you'll find a new thing to grieve because there's always something to be a little bit sad about #but the world keeps getting better for every one you get through and every friend who helps you through it #and sometimes you just need to throw a dumb joke in there at the end #that's what it means to be human #the good place #tgp

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starbuck · 4 months

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me analyzing media

#i KNOW this joke has been made before but it never gets hold #was able to meet up with Avery but they weren’t in the room when this part came up - tragic #posting so they can still enjoy it #next year we’re getting everyone over here #FIRST WEEKEND AFTER THE NEW YEAR BE IN NEW BEDFORD #GET IT ON YOUR CALENDARS NOW #if you live abroad or across the country - we will transport you a la star trek #moby-dick

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 4 months

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At the start of this project all I wanted was to 'learn how to draw' using comics as a medium and the MDZS audio drama as inspiration.

I've come *very* far from making simple, 3 panel black and white comics, and I truly do intend to go even further. Thank you to everyone who cheered me on throughout 2023, it has been an incredible year in so many ways I never could have imagined. I look forwards to drawing throughout 2024 B*)

#poorly drawn mdzs #art summary #It's so interesting looking back at how my style and technique changed throughout the year!#I used PD-wwx as the consistent factor (October is an exception) and you can see so many processes going on.#My little petri dish amoeba (with a little red bow to tell him apart from the other amoeba) <3 #Whether it's getting new markers or trying out a new shading style - it's cool seeing a snapshot of my journey like this B*)#There's certainly been a slower curve to my overt improvement *but* I have become so much faster!#My life outside of drawing has been hectic and at several points extremely stressful this year. For all the work this blog has been-#-It has truly been a life saving anchor when the darkest of times have hit.#Love is hard work. Change is even harder work. Sticking to a goal I set out for myself and striving to keep going was worth it.#And I love drawing. I think there has always been something in me that longed for this. And it is finally tangible! I can draw!!!#I wanted to make a more elaborate year reflection where I looked back at my favourite comics and jokes.#but I'll leave that to the one year anniversary.#I have also been collecting a ton of statistics throughout the year and I am desperate to share them. I'm that kind of nerd B*)#I can never say it enough: Thank you all for the kindness and support. I wish everyone a lovely 2024!!!

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odetokeons · 4 months

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tumblr users on new year's eve