#never actually done one of these before but I had quotes saved

[sjyluv]

in another life, i would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you

genres! fluff?, angst, celebrity x celebrity, ex-lovers

word count! 1380

warnings! mention of breakup, heartbreak

synopsis! in another life, you and park sunghoon are lovers, just not in this one

mimi’s note! this fic was inspired by a quote from the movie ‘everything everywhere all at once’ also I'm not very good at writing angst because I hate it but I did my best

“Congrats, big shot,” a familiar voice says from behind you, and you can hear the teasing smile in his tone, “actress of the year award, you're in the big leagues now.”

You turn around to face Park Sunghoon, a renowned figure skater and your ex-boyfriend. You haven't seen each other in almost a year but the sight of him still has the same effect on you it did all those years ago.

He's hauntingly beautiful and you're a house of horrors.

You offer a polite smile, but it's bittersweet as if you were greeting death itself.

“Congratulations to you too, you're becoming a bit of an A-list yourself since you won the Olympics.” you quip, and you both know what kind of game you're going to play tonight.

It’s the same one you always play, the one where he pretends you didn’t break his heart and you pretend everything is fine.

Sunghoon smiles at you too, like you're everything he's ever had and everything he's ever lost.

“Maybe we should exchange autographs like middle schoolers trade Pokémon cards,” he says, and you both chuckle.

“Hmm, I have a feeling mines will be more valuable.”

He playfully puts a hand over his heart. “That’s hurtful, y/n, but I can’t deny that it’s also true.”

The gala was still roaring with life when you stepped out for some fresh air, you sat on concrete stairs, not caring if you got your 20,000-dollar dress dirty. You couldn't care about a lot of things lately.

You and Sunghoon had long parted ways, the conversation only lasted about five minutes before you were seated at your respective tables, you didn't see him again after that.

You’ve gotten everything you ever dreamed of at this point in your career, and you accomplished all your goals, in the beginning, it all seemed so impossible, but now that you're here and you've done it, you’re not so sure what's left anymore.

The sound of the door opening catches your attention, a tall, pale figure steps out, dressed in a purely black suit, and you recognize him instantly.

“Following me?” you prop your chin in your palm as your elbow rests on your knee, carrying the weight of your head as you tilt it playfully.

He’s not startled by the suddenness of your voice, which tells you, yes, he was looking for you.

He smiled. “Maybe.”

He sat next to you on the stairs, not caring if his 5,000-dollar suit got dirty, though it wasn't actually because he didn't care about the suit, but because he just wanted to be close to you.

You're both silent for a while, simply appreciating being in each other's presence after so long.

Or maybe it's because you don't know what to say and he has too much to say, so you settle for the piercing silence of unsaid words.

Sunghoon has been silent his whole life, but he promised himself tonight he wouldn't be.

“Was it worth it?”

Ah. There it is.

You think as the corners of your lips curl upward, you knew this question was coming, you sensed it the moment you saw him again.

If he had asked you that a year ago you would’ve said yes, no hesitation, no second thoughts, just a straight-up yes, and you would have meant it too.

Suddenly the silk fabric of your dress starts to itch your skin, your diamond embroidered heels start to hurt your feet, and your pearl jewelry feels too heavy.

In only a single minute, Park Sunghoon has stripped you of your persona, called you out for the fraud you are, and seen the real you.

And he accepted you.

You lie to save your pride, it's a habit of yours that he knows all too well.

He doesn't think you're perfect, but you would never have to be for him to love you.

“Sometimes,” you say.

You don't bother lying, he’ll know.

You had always been a good liar until Sunghoon came into your life.

He gently nods in understanding at your response, “Do you ever think about it? About us?”

With a chuckle, you reply, “Of course I do.”

It's true that sometimes leaving him is worth the life you're living now, but there are fragments of times when you imagine what your life could've been with him.

In another life, you never left Sunghoon, you got married, bought a home together, adopted a dog, and had a child.

On the surface that sounds nice, but in another life, you are a housewife with broken dreams, you bought a home together but it wasn't the one you always dreamed of because you had to compromise with Sunghoon, you adopted a dog but you were never really an animal person, and you had a child but motherhood was never for you.

In another life, you are happy to be a housewife, you and Sunghoon bought your dream home together, you adopted a dog that you both love, you had a child and you are the most loving mother.

In another life, you are not a housewife, you and Sunghoon bought a home even better than your dream home, you adopted a dog but you're more of a cat person, and you never had a child but you always wanted to be a mother.

In another life, you and Sunghoon work from home, you bought a decent home together, and although it's not your dream one, it's good enough, you adopted a cat, and you never had a child but because that's the way you liked things.

In another life, you and Sunghoon are divorced, the home you bought together is just walls and a roof with painful memories, you don't adopt any pets, and you never had a child.

In another life, Sunghoon is a househusband, you don't care about having a dream home because any place is home with him, you adopted a dog and a cat, and you had a child who has everything they could ever want.

In another life, you and Sunghoon are teenagers again falling in love for the very first time, and you have no idea what the future holds for you.

In another life, you and Sunghoon are just a little bit younger than you are now, in the kitchen of your shared apartment, and you are trying to figure out how to do laundry so all your clothes don’t turn blue again and how to properly calculate your taxes so you don’t go to prison for tax fraud.

In another life, you and Sunghoon have grown old together, and you are experts at doing laundry and taxes.

In another life, you are the bottles of salt and pepper on the table of a random diner and things are entirely less complicated.

In another life, you never meet Park Sunghoon.

The possibilities are endless, and the truth is, you never know what will happen in your life, and that's scary, but you hope in another life you learn to accept the bad just as easily as you accept the good.

“What does it look like?” he asks.

“Laundry and taxes,” you shrug.

You both laugh at that.

“What about you?” you ask.

“Taxes and laundry,” he smiles.

You both laugh again.

The party inside is completely forgotten about as you and Sunghoon spend what feels like hours just sitting and talking, until the realization that it’s time to go home dawns on you.

Sunghoon gets up first, holding his hand out for you to take, and you do, but when he helps you to your feet he doesn't let go just yet, instead, he looks into your eyes and you feel his thumb caress your knuckles.

“It was nice to see you again, y/n.”

“It was good to see you again too, Sunghoon.”

He finally lets you go and you already miss his warmth.

He almost walks away but turns to face you one last time.

With a hint of a smile on his lips, he says, “You know, in another life, I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you.”

And then Park Sunghoon walks out of your life forever, and you let him.

In another life, things didn't end that way.

© 2024 sjyluv, all rights reserved | do not repost, translate, or plagiarize

#park sunghoon #sunghoon scenarios #sunghoon oneshots #sunghoon enhypen #sunghoon x you #sunghoon fluff #sunghoon soft hours #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon imagines #sunghoon fanfic #sunghoon angst #sunghoon #enhypen imagines #enhypen fluff #enhypen fic #enhypen scenarios #enhypen soft hours #enhypen x reader #enhypen x y/n #enhypen drabbles #enhypen blurbs #enhypen angst #sunghoon x y/n #sunghoon x female reader #enhypen x female reader #enhypen x you

[btsugarush]

GANGSTA | myg - 002

summary: rough sex, blood money, drugs, and gang related activity; four things you never predicted to experience in your simple life. not until you opened your mouth and caught his attention

pairings: gang leader!yoongi x f!reader

warnings: smut, gunplay, drugs, drug addiction, dark!yoongi, drug lord!yoongi, strong language, gang violence, blood and gore, murder, manipulation, possessive/obsessive behavior, abuse, cheating, angst, fluff, dubcon, implied noncon (not from yoongi but within his gang with his knowledge), 18+, minors dni

word count: 3K

author’s note: sorry if you asked to be on the taglist and didn’t make it. i’ve reached over 50 and couldn’t add anymore people. i’ll add more of you in the comments.

“I’m glad you’re okay after all of that,” Jungkook says on the other end of your phone; you had just spilled about the chaotic situation at Makoto as it was still weighing heavily on your mind. You couldn’t shake what Jimin had said about that Yoongi guy killing someone, though it could have just been a rumor. If he had actually taken someone’s life there would be no way they would allow him to walk the streets. He’d be too much of a flight risk.

“You should really be careful in the future. I know you like to stand up for people that can’t stand up for themselves, but Yoongi is bad news. There’s no telling what he would’ve done to you on the wrong day.”

“So you know him too?” You quiz. It seemed as though everyone knew who this guy was besides you. Maybe you don’t get out enough. Or maybe you were just good at staying away from trouble– until this afternoon at least. “I know of him, but not personally. He came to the shop once like five months ago with the same tall guy you were talking about. He told my coworker Si-Woo to step outside, and the next thing you know he's pistol-whipping him nearly to death. Rumor around the shop was that Si-Woo sold drugs for Yoongi, and owed him a lot of money.”

“Really?” Your mouth drops in shock. “What did Si-Woo say about it?”

“He never talked about it, ended up quitting the next day, and told us ‘not to get the police involved because it wouldn’t be of any help and it was all just a misunderstanding’.” He quoted. “Well, three days later Si-Woo’s body was found hacked to pieces and stuffed in a suitcase behind an alley on Gongdan lane.”

You heard about that case on the news some time ago, but had no clue that Jungkook knew the victim on an intimate level. It honestly made you shiver a bit. Imagine being the one to discover the body, and how gruesome the sight must have been. Stuff like that was common in slum areas though. Crime was especially high in Gongdan lane of all places, which is why you made sure to never venture in that area. “You think Yoongi had something to do with his murder?”

Jungkook scoffed. “The guy was viciously pistol-whipping him three days before his body was identified. I know he had something to do with it, but none of us were willing to risk going to the cops, so we just moved on like it didn’t happen.” Jungkook pauses for a moment before he speaks again. “You know… sometimes I think that maybe we could’ve saved his life if we did report the incident. Sometimes I still look at his station and feel like he’s there, tattooing.” He sighs heavily, like it was a great weight lifted from his shoulders to even tell you.

“You did what you felt was necessary. As fucked up as it may seem, you had to think about what was best for you.” You try your best to comfort him as he seemed to hold on to a lot of guilt regarding Si-Woo’s death, and reminiscing didn’t help. To have the man who could have potentially murdered your friend roaming free to terrorize all of Daegu couldn’t be a great feeling. You felt for him.

“I know. It’s just fucked to know he went through such a fucked up death. I don’t even want to imagine how scared he must’ve been,” you could hear clanking on the other end, as though he was biting down on his lip piercing. “I don’t even like the thought of knowing you tangled with them. He seems the type to hold grudges, and I don’t want you to get hurt. I’d lose my shit and go after him myself.”

You smile softly. “And I just know you’d kick his ass, my tough Kookie.” You both laugh at the nickname, which is one of many you had with the word ‘cookie’ in it. You could be so cheesy sometimes, but Jungkook loved everything about it. “You don’t have to worry though, apparently he likes me so maybe I’m in the clear?” You say unsuringly, still not understanding what he meant by it. It was very abrupt and cryptic. “Well whatever he meant, he’s out of luck because you’re spoken for.”

“As if he’d ever had a chance to begin with, I don’t think I’d mesh well with a criminal,” You chuckled. “I’m more into sweet, sensitive guys with tattoos and piercings.”

“Yeah? I think I know someone like that.” You could tell that he’s cheesing on the other end, which made you cheese. Everything always felt so natural with Jungkook. Him being your best friend in high school really played hand in hand with that. He was no different from a lover than he was a best friend. You two were absolutely the same and you loved it.

“You should probably get some sleep now, Angel. You don’t want to go to work exhausted, and I don’t wanna be blamed for you oversleeping again.” You simply roll your eyes in a playful manner, but agree nonetheless. You couldn’t chance being up so late, Mr. Kim was very strict about being on time.

“I guess you’re right,” you pout. “Okay, I’ll talk to you tomorrow when I get off work.”

“Okay, Angel. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Kookie cake.” You pull your phone from your ear, ending the call before you get up from your bed to switch off your bedroom lights. You crawl back onto the mattress, pulling your blanket over your body. Picking your phone back up again, you swipe through your apps until you locate the clock app. You set your alarm to wake you up at 12:00 PM on the dot. Just as you were about to place your phone down on your nightstand, something overcame you and you got the urge to search Yoongi’s name on Google.

When you type in his name, you are shocked to see so many results come up effortlessly. Several different mugshots from several different instances, all dating from when he was a teenager to one that seemed recent. You click on the one that looks most recent, letting it redirect you to the Daegu booking website.

Name: Min Yoongi

Age: 30

BOOKING DETAIL

Status: Released

Building: Public Safety Building

Area: Maledorm

Booking number: 575857

Booking date: 3/26/2023 11:56:00 pm

ARRESTS

Arrest number: 680071205

Arrest date: 3/26/2023 10:06:00 pm

Arresting agency: Daegu Police Department

Agency case number: 25-18056

ASSAULT WITH A DEADLY WEAPON

ATTEMPTED FIRST-DEGREE MURDER

POSSESSION WITH INTENT TO SELL

You read over the arrests in shock, completely dumbfounded by how a man of his caliber could be released from jail and not behind bars rotting for the rest of his life. He practically lived in jail anyway, why not just keep him there? You eye his mugshot, his intense stare giving you the chills. You didn’t need to wonder how the officer taking the photo must’ve felt considering you too have felt those daggers looking into the depths of your soul.

You pull your sight away from the photo, swiping away the page. You didn’t want to spend any more time on Yoongi. What happened at Makoto is behind you now. You just wanted to forget about the situation, and never run into Yoongi– or Joon for that matter, again. You plug your phone to your charger, sitting the device on your nightstand before you drift off to sleep.

“I was starting to think you weren’t going to show.” Mr. Kim looks surprised as you step into the kitchen, taking an apron from the hook on the wall. “Why wouldn’t I show up?” You quirk a brow, tying the black fabric around your waist. “Because I thought you would’ve been too scared to show your face after going toe to toe with the devil’s minions the other day.”

You click your tongue, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. You couldn’t believe people were still on that. Just as you walked in you overheard a customer whispering ‘she’s still alive?’ to her friend. It’s absurd at this point. “I think everyone is blowing what happened yesterday way out of proportion.” You shake your head, grabbing a notepad and pen from the pencil holder.

“I’d like to say we are, kid, but you got lucky. That Yoongi is no joke to be played with. The guy is a menace. Some people say the only reason he’s not in jail is because he has affiliations within the police unit, and I wouldn’t doubt if it’s true. Our system is corrupt.” The older man sighs. ‘Oh great, here he goes with politics and corruption again…’ you thought. You had better get out on the floor before you’re caught in a whirlwind of it.

You leave him to discuss the topic with himself as you step out onto the floor, and start taking customer orders. “Hey, you’re that crazy girl from yesterday.” A man says as you approach his table. You frown, already knowing what he was referring to, so you avoid it at all cost. “What can I get you?” You redirect the conversation.

“Oh! Uhhh,” he picks up the menu from his table, skimming through it. “I’ll have the Jajangmyeon.” He answers quickly. You scribble down his order. “Anything to drink?” You ask. “Ginseng tea, thank you.” He places the menu back on the table. You nod, taking down his drink. “Okay, I’ll be right back with that tea.” You smile kindly before heading back to the kitchen. You rip the orders from the notepad, clipping them to the ticket holder.

“Hey, kid. We’ve got a delivery order for dumplings.” Mr. Kim informs you as you’re preparing tea for the customer. The older gentleman approaches you, the order already made and secured in a brown bag. You take the bag from him, looking at the order ticket attached to it.

As you read over the address on the ticket, your eyes practically bulge out of your skull. ‘2357 Gongdan Lane’. “Um… Mr. Kim, this location is in the slums of Daegu.” You look at him with concern. “I know.” The man simply nods, taking the tickets you set from the holder. “Yeah, well, I can’t go to Gongdan lane. It’s dangerous, especially for me as a woman.”

“Look kid, I’m sorry. If Jimin was here I’d have him go but he doesn’t work on Saturdays and you’re my only worker.”

“Exactly. I’m the only worker, you need me to be at the shop taking orders.” You knew that wasn’t going to go over as it was a slow day, and there were hardly any customers in the shop to begin with. “I can handle the customers and cook the ramen until you get back.”

You couldn’t believe this. Just as you had prided yourself in never stepping foot in Gongdan, here was this old dirty bastard making you go. On top of that, the restaurant didn’t even own a company car for deliveries so you had to ride a bike. You read over the ticket again, noticing that there wasn’t even a name on the order. “There’s no name on the order, this could be a trick that ends with me getting robbed for free food.”

“All this time wasted on talking about it could be used on getting the delivery done. Stop complaining and do what you’re paid to do. The faster you get it done, the faster you can come back.”

You wanted to stomp your foot like a child and continue to protest, but you couldn’t risk your job by not listening so you did the only sensible thing you could do. Your job. You grab a plastic bag, shoving the brown one inside of it before leaving through the back exit in the kitchen. You spot the red delivery bike lying on the ground, and pick it up, looping the plastic bag around the bike handle.

As you mount the bicycle, you pull out your phone to use your GPS. The ride was about 12 minutes away. If you ride fast you could undoubtedly make it at least an 8 minute ride. You kick back the breaks and set off on your journey. During the ride as you make it into the slum area, you could truly see the separation from Sangsu-dong to Gongdan lane. The sidewalks were cracked and unpaved, the buildings looked more rundown, and homeless people laid out in sleeping bags.

You got an uneasy feeling as you noticed a group of men smoking weed on a corner and intensely watching you go by. You probably stood out like a sore thumb, riding through Daegu’s slummiest on a red bike. You swallowed the lump in your throat, keeping your eyes forward as you paid them no mind. As you continue going, you notice the streets become more isolated. Your GPS directs you to turn, which you follow only to come upon a big warehouse that looked abandoned. ‘You’ve arrived’, your GPS says. You furrow your brows, confusion written over your face.

“Stupid thing must’ve sent me to the wrong location.” You grab the bag of dumplings from the bike handle, circling around the warehouse just in case you were mistaken. You find a door on the other end, cameras surrounding it like it was a government building. You inspect the door, seeing that there was a red button of some sort on it.

You scope the perimeter, making sure no one was trying to sneak attack you. The whole thing seemed completely sketchy. You take a deep breath before pressing down on the button, a loud buzz coming from it. You take a step back, waiting for someone to come open the door. You stood there for about two minutes, not wanting to wait around any longer. You knew this was a scam. You should’ve just gone home and pretended like you delivered the food. It would’ve saved you the trouble. As you turn to walk back to the bike, the door suddenly opens with a loud creaking sound.

You direct your attention back to the door, locking eyes with an individual that you dreaded to ever see again. “Oh my god… i-it’s you…” you stutter in shock, seeing Yoongi stand in the doorway with a smirk plastered on his face. “Wonder Woman, we meet again.”

You’re silent, not really saying a word as you feel too stunned to speak. “You got something for me, sweetheart?” His eyes darted to the bag in your hand. You snap from your fearful trance, remembering why you were there in the first place. “Uh… yeah. Here’s your order.” You stretch out your arm to hand him the bag, not wanting to come any closer. The raven reaches forward, his hand brushing yours as he takes the bag from you. You quickly turn away, rushing back over to your bike.

“Hey, I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself yesterday.” He says, following behind you. “I already know who you are.” You mumble as you mount the red two wheeler. “Really? You didn’t seem to know who I was yesterday. If you did, you wouldn’t have shot your pretty mouth off like that,”

He grabs the handles of your bike, preventing you from leaving. “You look scared. Guess my reputation precedes me.” He says almost too proudly. “Not in a way that a decent human being should want it to, but I guess decency isn’t what you’re aiming for.” you say slickly, which causes the raven to smile. “There goes that smart mouth again,” he ran his tongue over his bottom lip, giving you the same predatory stare from yesterday. “Normally I wouldn’t tolerate anyone getting slick at the mouth with me, but from you it’s kind of a turn on.”

You scowl, ignoring his sexual advance. “Can you let go of my bike? I need to get back to work.”

“How about you let me drive you?” he offers, but you quickly decline. You’d be an idiot to get in the car with a proclaimed murderer. “I’ll take my chances on the bike, thank you.” The raven lets go of the handles, taking a step back to allow you to be on your way. “Be my guest, sweetheart.”

You kick back the break, not wanting to waste any more of your time in Gongdan speaking to this thug. You back away from him, turning the bike to ride down the path you came. “I hope to see you again, Y/N.” He calls out. You come to an abrupt stop, looking back at the raven. How did he know your name? “I don’t remember telling you my name.”

“You didn’t need to. I have my sources and connections, Princess. Whatever I need or want, I get.”

You cringe at the nickname ‘princess’. Jungkook doesn’t even call you that, with all the cheesy nicknames he does use. Him knowing your name suddenly made you question how coincidental this whole encounter was. You were starting to wonder how much about you he knew. As if he read your mind, he starts to read you like an autobiography. “You were born in Busan and raised right here in Daegu, you’re an ex nursing student, an only child, both your parents passed away in a tragic car accident, your best friend is Sang Mina, and your boyfriend is… Jeon Jungkook? Am I right?”

Your heart pounds against your chest as he spoke information that only people close to you would know. You felt sick, creeped out even, but you tried not to display that on your face. “So, I guess you know my work schedule then. You set this little encounter up knowing that I was the only worker today, didn’t you?” the raven simply shrugged like he couldn’t answer whether that was true or not, but you knew that it was. “I don’t know what your deal is, but just stay away from me, okay?”

Yoongi sneered, as he turned on his heels, heading back to the door from once he came. The raven makes sure he gets the last word though.

“I can’t make you any promises, sweetheart. Like I said, whatever I want, I get.”

Taglist

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[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Propaganda:

For Orufrey: "They're tragic wlw who have devoted their lives to each other since they were kids. They live together, they cook together, they're raising four girls together and they're doing the best they can. Olruggio would do anything for Qifrey if Qifrey would just Let Him 😭 but Qifrey is dead-set on protecting Olruggio and keeping him safe and in the dark no matter what it costs... i cant 😭..."

"Man I don't know they just have the vibes. They have toxic yuri energy but they are two grown men. They've known each other since their apprentice days and have stuck together ever since. Qifrey's main magic type was something he took up because Olruggio proposed that he learned to control the water he feared. They live together away from most of society with Qifrey's four apprentices, living the sapphic cottagecore (ateliercore???) dream. Qifrey, due to the fact that his eyesight is very much failing, something which is very problematic when it comes to witches, who need their eyesight more than most, is getting very desperate to get all he lost to the Brimhats, the witches who took one of his eyes and his memories, and Olruggio ends up noticing this pursuit and is implied to have done this more than once. Qifrey does not want Olruggio to know about both his failing eyesight and his goals, so he ends up completely wiping Olruggio's memory of those things, and laments that Olruggio is a kind person, and one who would most likely forgive him again, but also one who would try to save him, even when he didn't want to be saved. He also apologized right up until the moment Olruggio's memories of his secret were gone. In general I think chapter 40 is the somewhat toxic guy yuri chapter ever. I'm very tired so I do not know how to explain any of this, I just thought "wow Orufrey reminds me of this one poll I saw on Tumblr" and then spent three days straight hunting for your blog before completely forgetting my reasoning for Orufrey being yuri right before I submitted this."

For Joongdok: "Well first of all Yoo Joonghyuk has a whole arc that is transfem coded as hell (has a power/technique that can technically only be used by women but somehow he can also use it, for a time he even turns into a woman to wield it and it's. Actually just let me get the quote "The ines of the face had changed but it was clearly Yoo Joonghyuk. No, it was even more than before.") that just kinda happens,, and doesn't get brought up again but anyway. Second of all just look at them. You see the vision. Also a bonus observation is that these two often get shipped in a poly ship with Han Sooyoung and whenever I see people make a "regular couple, yaoi couple, yuri couple, I see no difference love is love" meme with them the combination of which pair among these three is which of the categories is always different"

Note: This submission also mentions Han Sooyoung, but I decided to count this polyship submission as guy yuri as well.

"They love each other, they pretend they don't care for each other but all their actions prove they care too much, if you remove someone from the trio then the resulting duo is extremely dysfunctional, as evidenced by more than a million words of canon. Is it technically guy yuri? Well, Han Sooyoung is a woman, but in a way she's one of the guys. Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk are men, but the text heavily hints that Yoo Joonghyuk is a trans woman who's just too busy and stressed out to transition yet, and Kim Dokja has just never thought about his own gender a single day in his life. They made the world for each other, they went back in time countless times and waged countless wars for each other, they wrote and read and lived a story, their story, for each other and that's what saved them all. The way Han Sooyoung writes Yoo Joonghyuk's story to save Kim Dokja and loses herself in the process, the way Yoo Joonghyuk voluntarily lives the story to the point of losing himself too and even forgetting why he originally decided to do it, the way Kim Dokja read Han Sooyoung's story which was Yoo Joonghyuk's life and that's how he found himself, they all took so much from each other and gave so much of themselves to each other, this is all very yuri."

"they're so yuri you have no idea. they have every staple of a yuri ship. unwavering devotion. waiting dozens or thousands of years for each other. dooming themselves and the world for each other. so much yearning. i also see them genderbent a lot (including inn canon in the case of yjh) and they're right both of these people are women. i genuinely can't even see them strictly as men at this point they're just yjh and kdj and they are yuri do you understand."

"they're so yuri. the abscense of yuri is the presence of yuri etc etc. these two guys are all ABOUT abscenses. also one of them is a part time woman. the other guy is a guy but like in the same way a square is a rectangle. anyway they're so guyyuri to me. bonus points also because they have a mutual girlfriend and when she's present they're girlyaoi but that's not relevant to this specifically"

#guy yuri round 2 #orufrey #joongdok #witch hat atelier #omniscient reader's viewpoint #orv #wha #olruggio #qifrey #yoo joonghyuk #kim dokja

[shartzel]

Do you read fanfic? Any favorites of these 2 lovely messes?

YES!!!! i have so many personal favs for shartzel fics (im assuming thats what u meant and i am so sorry if not) BUT i will try to keep it to maybe like 5-10 favs bc my bookmarks folder for them has like 50+ fucking fics in there its a little insane..... - Truesilver by mylordshesacactus: i think everyone in the shadowzel part of the fandom has read this one honestly but it like. rewired my brain entirely when i first read it. shadowzel raising a kid was something ive never thought abt before, but then i read this fic and all i could think about was them having a domestic married life.......... - though i burn, how could i fall? by Jazzfordshire: THIS FIC GAVE ME THE ABSOLUTE WORST (BEST) BRAINROT EVER... the way the author writes their gradual relationship and their characters in general just AUGH. it itched my brain in the best way possible i love it - And I want to share it all with you. by Rosethornwolf: this fic is still in progress, but it makes me tear up so so so bad. i love soft shadowzel i love that shit so much and i love how the author writes them in general.... please give their other fics a read as well, theyre lovely - Fast Times At Baldur's Gate by Calchexxis: if you want like pure shadowzel fluff, this is THE fic for u. this fucking fic had made me giggling and kicking my legs while reading it cause of how tooth-rotting the fluff is!!!!! sometimes all you need in life is baby high school sweethearts shadowzel... - Truce by Looktotheedges: im sure everyone's read this one as well BUT FUCK ME I LOVE THIS FIC. the author does such a superb job at not only writing shadowzel but also their dynamic with the rest of the party members. i adoreee the found family moments so much and hold it so close to my heart... - sharpens like an image / sharpens like a knife by yeahitshowed: this one is a littleeee angsty. ive waited so very long for a "what did orin do to lae'zel?" fic that also mentions shadowzel and then this author wrote it and i instantly was in shambles. like when i was done reading this fic, all i could think abt were the ways lae’zel would see orin in shadowheart from now on. how that fear she held would always linger Somewhere in the back of her mind and it destroyed me :'D (this will make sense when after reading the fic i promise) - pressing a flower by Isolatedwriting: ending this with another also angsty one but like straight up hurt no comfort angst :) to quote the summary: "durge fails a saving throw" and i have never been the same since actually..................

#vio yells #man i love fanfics #shadowzel

[kaleldobrev]

Pizza, Beer & Zeppelin IV

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Gn!Reader

Summary: Dean is surprised to find out what your ideal first date is; and he’s more than happy to oblige

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: Some cursing, Talks of Sex (Not explicit in the slightest) 

Authors Note: This is inspired by a quote Jo Harvelle said to Dean in Everybody Loves a Clown from Season 2: “Most hunters come through that door think they can get in my pants with some pizza, a six pack, and side one of Zeppelin IV.” | The writing of this is in a little bit of a different style than some of my previous work. But I hope it came out okay! Let me know what you all think | If you liked this, don’t forget to like & reblog. I really appreciate it! Feedback is always welcome ♡

Although you and Dean have been together for the last couple of years, the two of you never had a proper first date. The way the two of you first started dating started out as a traditional friends with benefits story, but without the “starting out as a friends” part.

The two of you had met at a local bar in Lebanon, your date was over an hour late, already drowning your sorrows with shot after shot of tequila. That night, you were ready to make some bad decisions to make yourself feel better.

That is when you eyed Dean Campbell and quickly started chatting him up. He was on his third beer; not nearly as intoxicated as you were, but was humoring you as you gave him cheesy pick-up lines and telling him horror stories about your job. A couple hours later, the two of you made your way in the back of his car, hungerly kissing each other all over, leading to uncomfortable yet satisfying car sex. You never did reach out to your date to reschedule.

A week later, you had spotted him at the bar again, you weren’t as drunk as you previously had been your first meeting. He remembered you, and you were surprised. He asked you if he had left any bruises on you from the week before, and asked if you had anymore horror stories about your job. “I’ll tell you more if you tell me some.” You said.

He chuckled before taking a sip of beer. “You don’t wanna know my stories Sweetheart.” He replied.

That night you slept with him again; this time at your place and not in the backseat of his impala. The next morning the two of you exchanged numbers. “Last name’s really Winchester.” He told you.

“What?” You asked.

“My last name. It’s Winchester, not Campbell.” He said.

“Winchester sounds more fitting.” You gave him a smile.

After exchanging numbers, the two of you never met up at the bar again; always meeting up at your place. You called him, or he called you; sometimes he would just show up at your door with a six pack and some take-out. The sex was great every single time; but it changed as time went on. What had started out as needy, rough, and quick, became slow, gentle, almost loving; not that you minded.

Sometimes when he would come over, the two of you wouldn’t even have sex. You would just hang out on the couch, share a kiss or two, and cuddle. You had even caught him a few times falling asleep as you scratched the back of his head as he rested his head on your shoulder. You liked that he felt comfortable enough to sleep.

The two of you never made anything official, but between the consistency of the sex the two of you would have, mixed with doing “couple things” like him offering to run errands with you, or hanging out at your place to watch a movie, it started to form into something more than just a friends with benefits situation; it started to become a committed relationship.

Slowly, over time, Dean began to open up to you. Open up about all the things he’s done over the years and who he really was. He had told you what his real job was – he was a hunter, someone that killed things people didn’t think were real but actually were. Like vampires, werewolves, ghosts, and ghouls. “I’ve killed them all,” he told you. He told you how he saved the world more than once, how he’s been to Hell and back (literally and figuratively), how he’s gone to Heaven, and even spent a year in Purgatory. “Did you know I killed Hitler once?” His proudest achievement. He’s done things you would have never thought about doing in your dizziest daydreams.

When Dean first told you these things, he expected you to run. Expected you to call the police or call him insane. You weren’t a hunter; he didn’t expect you to believe him. But to his surprise you said, “I believe you” and kissed him. That was your way of telling him that you loved him.

After years of being together the two of you never had a proper first date, but that was something Dean had wanted to for you. Taking out his phone he scrolled until he got to your name and pressed enter. The ringing felt like it had been going on for ages, he always felt nervous talking to you. “Hello my love.” You responded. His lips curved into a smile. He loved when you called him that.

“Hey there Sweetheart. I gotta question for you.” He said, leaning back a bit in his chair.

“Shoot.” You responded.

“I was wondering, would you like to go on a proper first date with me?” He felt like a stupid high schooler asking out his crush.

“A proper first date uh?” You never thought you’d see the day. “What are we going to do on this date?”

“I was hoping you’d tell me. I want you to pick.” He had a million ideas but thought that it would be more special if you picked what the two of you did.

“You’re the one asking me out but I’m the one that has to come up with the date idea? Hmm, I don’t know about that.” You said, hoping your joking tone came through.

“What’s your ideal first date Sweetheart? We can do anything you want.”

“You’re gonna laugh at me.” Your idea of a first date was something no one ever wanted to do.

“Y/N, I’d never laugh at you. Well, I would, and I have. But, not about something as serious as this.” You could hear his smile through the phone. He really was serious about this.

You took a deep breath. “Well. I know this might sound stupid but…I’ve always wanted to eat some pizza with a six pack while listening to side one of Zeppelin four.” Fuck you’re perfect, Dean thought. You waited for Dean to say something, anything, but he didn’t respond. You took his silence for judgement, but in reality, he was just amazed, amazed that this was your ideal first date. “See, I told you it’s stupid.”

“No, no. It’s not stupid at all. It’s…perfect actually. That’s my ideal first date too.” Dean said, being completely serious. He hoped that you didn’t think he was fucking with you. But knowing you, you probably would.

“You’re fucking with me aren’t you?” You respond.

“No Y/N, I swear. You can even ask Sam.” He paused a moment. “I’d, I’d love to do that with you. You and me can take Baby to the park that’s about five minutes away from your house. Sit on the trunk with a cold six pack and large extra cheese pizza between us. The windows rolled down with Zeppelin coming out the speakers.”

“That sounds perfect.” You said. It was a simple sound date, but it was something you’ve always strangely wanted to do; not really fully knowing why, even before you had met Dean. Your previous suitors never wanted to do this date idea, saying that it was too boring, or telling you that Zeppelin was overrated.

“How’s tonight at eight sound?” He asked.

“Eight can’t come soon enough.” You said. This was going to be a long seven hours. You thought.

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean x reader #dean x you #spn #supernatural #spn one shot #spn imagine #supernatural one shot #supernatural imagine #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester one shot #reader insert #gender neutral reader #dean winchester

[cosmicjoke]

Levi and the importance of staying true to ones heart:

I'm gonna' talk about another aspect of Levi's choice in Shinganshina, but first, I want to dedicate this post to all the little bitch eruri shippers out there who are too scared to come off anon, who now can't send me hate messages over it since I turned anon asks off and ya'll are a bunch of cowards. Hope you enjoy this one, because it's for you.

I was thinking about an ask I got a few days ago, about why Erwin chose Hange over Levi to take over as commander, and why in turn Hange chose Armin, and I answered that I thought it had a lot to do with Levi's own philosophy of "no regrets", that is, Levi's insistence on always following ones heart, doing what one feels is the right thing in any, given situation. Not necessarily right in terms of what the outcome will be, but right in terms of how your choice will sit with your conscience.

I think obviously, this aspect of Levi's character, his belief in always doing what your heart tells you to do, is evidenced by his choice in Shinganshina, to give Armin the serum and to let Erwin die.

Putting aside all arguments regarding whether it was the right thing to do "for humanity", I think what maybe people don't focus on enough when it comes to this moment is whether it was the right thing to do morally.

I've talked before about how Levi's choice was really an act of compassion over ideology, here: https://www.tumblr.com/cosmicjoke/737207612761915392/the-importance-of-compassion-over-ideology-levis?source=share And I think it's worth revisiting this aspect of his choice again.

I think people get so caught up in the concept of "the greater good" when discussing "Attack on Titan", and this moment in particular, that they miss one of the main overarching themes of the story, which is that the "greater good", particularly, things done in the name of the greater good, can actually lead to horrific atrocities and cruelty, and that the idea of the "greater good" itself is based in subjectivity, and never absolute. It isn't something we should ever prioritize over the tangible and concrete reality before us. That tangible and concrete reality being the things we can do to alleviate the suffering of others now, rather than hoping for and pursuing some idyllic utopian future where nobody ever has to suffer, and, ironically, causing people to suffer in the pursuit of that goal.

I talk a lot too about how I don't think Levi has ever held any great faith in the concept of a better world. I think Levi is a realist. Someone who understands and accepts the bleak reality of life on this planet, someone who accepts human nature, who knows that a utopian existence isn't really possible because of that reality, but who, despite that, still maintains a great depth of kindness and compassion toward others, still values life and the right of others to live.

His support of his comrades in the Survey Corps has more to do with his wish to fight for them, to support their own, personal dream of a better world, than it does his own belief in that better world. He thinks of Erwin as a "greater existence" than himself, to quote Isayama, because he believes Erwin is able to conceptualize and believe in a better world, to see that possibility, while Levi himself can't.

What Levi is fighting for is people, not a concept. That's always been true of Levi, I think. We see that manifest in multiple ways, multiple times throughout the story. In Levi's first appearance, when he holds that dying soldier's hand and promises him that his sacrifice will give Levi the strength to keep fighting. When he gives Petra's patch to that grieving soldier. When he goes out of his way to help the people of Trost. When he saves Ramzi, endangering their mission to rescue a single child. When he refuses to accept right away that Eren has gone rogue, to turn on him, because so many of his comrades died for him and Levi can't bear the thought of them having sacrificed their lives for nothing. And we see it manifest in his choice to let Erwin die. He prioritizes a person over a concept. And I think that fact emphasizes the great morality of Levi's choice, and ultimately, the rightness of it. Concepts are just that. They aren't real. They're ideas. But people are real. People exist. People matter.

Armin talks early on about the need to abandon ones humanity in order to achieve victory. Erwin's entire character revolves around this premise. He's seen as a great and visionary leader because of his ability to detach himself from human emotion and make tough decisions and sacrifices. Basically, for his ability to engage the concept of the ends justifying the means. Whatever it takes to "win".

But then, what does winning even mean, what does salvation for humanity mean, if in the pursuit of it, we lose our humanity?

Levi talks about being willing to take on the role of a "monster" if it means nobody else having to. He understands that, if people are forced to lose their humanity in pursuit of freedom, then freedom itself is rendered meaningless. There is no salvation for humanity if we ourselves lose sight of what it means to be human. Levi says he's willing to become a monster, that he's willing to lose his humanity, as long as no one else has to. He's willing to make that sacrifice.

But what Levi's choice in Shinganshina shows us is that he actually wasn't able to abandon his humanity at all. He never was a monster, and never actually could be. Because he couldn't, in the end, look upon the suffering of another human being, and ignore it.

That goes back to what I said about why Erwin chose Hange, and why Hange chose Armin. To be an effective leader, in order to achieve "victory" of some abstract goal, one has to be able to abandon their humanity. And Levi can't.

Levi is the most compassionate and empathetic character in AoT. And part of the reason for that is because of the inherent nature of that compassion. He isn't able to give up his humanity, he isn't able to lose it, because it's too much a part of him, too deeply rooted in who he actually is. It's the driving force behind everything he is and does. The beating, bleeding heart and soul of the Survey Corps. His presence, his role within the story, in many ways, functions as the moral compass by which both the audience and the other characters are guided.

Even in the face of violence, war, atrocity, and prejudice, even in pursuit of some concept of "the greater good", Levi can't bring himself to actual cruelty. Because that's what it would have been, to give Erwin the serum. It would have been an act of cruelty, against a man who didn't deserve it. And, again, if in the pursuit of a better tomorrow, we ourselves become cruel, pitiless, unempathetic, merciless, how can a better tomorrow actually be achieved? What salvation is there for humanity if, by the end, we have no humanity left in ourselves?

Erwin was able to abandon his humanity in pursuit of a personal dream, and we saw where it ultimately lead him. Into a state of such utter depression, and so wracked by guilt, that he became ineffectual, needing Levi to do the right thing for him. Erwin had strayed down a path that went against his heart.

That's something Levi was never able to do. Go against his heart. Go against what he felt was right. The only time we really see Levi do something that doesn't sit right with him is when he helps Hange to torture Sannes, under Erwin's orders and as a favor to Hange. Levi is noticeably less enthused about the whole affair than Hange, taking no actual pleasure in the exercise, even visibly distraught over Hange's level of cruelty. And still we see after how heavily that weighs on him. He completely forgets to inform Historia of the information they tortured Sannes for in the first place, and then explodes on her when she refuses out of self-pity to take on the role of queen, threatening to render the whole thing pointless. Do what your heart tells you, this is something Levi emphasizes to others again and again, which is what I mean when I say he acts as the moral compass of the story. Do the best you can, make the choice you won't regret. That doesn't mean the choice that will have the best outcome. That means the choice which will sit well with your conscience.

And I think in order to understand Levi's choice in Shinganshina, one needs to understand what sort of choice it was. Levi's choice, in its purist form, was a choice of the heart. It was a moral choice, decided upon through conscience, through the understanding, at an intrinsic level, what was right, rather than some ideological pursuit with an intangible endpoint.

He knew it was wrong to bring Erwin back into the world, and to put the same expectations on him to be the great leader he had been. He knew, in its way, that to do so would be to betray his own declaration, of taking on the role of a monster for himself so long as it spared anyone else from having to do the same. Erwin was corrupted by his dream. The threat of that corruption promised to make him into a monster. And Levi wasn't going to let that happen, just like he said. He wasn't going to allow Erwin to lose his humanity, even if it meant condemning himself.

Whether one wants to argue over Levi's choice being the right choice for humanity's salvation or not, what I don't think is up for discussion is that Levi's choice was, in the end, the right choice morally. And no, that doesn't mean Levi chose Erwin over humanity, or that he sacrificed humanity for Erwin because he loved him. It means he chose compassion over an idea. He chose humanity over a concept. He chose a person over an ideal. Because it was the choice that rejected the ideology and the dogmatism of "the greater good" in favor of something real, which was kindness and mercy for another human being. It was a rejection of cruelty and barbarism in pursuit of some evanescent and ultimately meaningless concept.

There is no greater good without morality. There is no salvation for humanity without mercy or compassion.

#Levi Ackerman #attack on titan #shingkei no kyojin #Erwin Smith #meta #commentary #analysis #suck my big fat one eruris #you bunch of pansy-ass cowards

[anoray]

Okay, not to be obsessed with the final episodes of The Bad Batch, but there are some thoughts that keep nagging at my brain about the debate over "who is CX-2" and I must spew them forth.

I totally get why some people don't like it when SW characters come back from the dead and I agree it should never be done frivolously. That said, I'm scratching my head about the opinion that Tech should not be CX-2 and he should stay dead because his character arc was perfectly wrapped up with his sacrifice to save his Batch family. To this I say: Really? How so?

I could understand and agree with this take if Tech had always held back in dangerous situations and he never wanted to risk himself until he finally stepped up in that moment to save the others--but I recently rewatched all the TBB episodes (as well as the initial arc from TCW), and this has never, ever been the case. Tech is almost always the one literally out there with his ass hanging in the wind or directly in the line of fire while his mind and fingers race to bring the power online, or download the vital data, etc., so the others can move forward. Notable examples include the Zillo beast episode in which Tech went all by himself to get the power online even when they all knew something horrible had killed the former crew, and in the mining episode, Tech dove in immediately to help Omega when she fell into the abyss. In other words, Tech has always been the opposite of a coward or one to step back to save himself.

So I really don't get what in the heck it supposedly changed or wrapped up for Tech's character arc when he executed Plan 99 to save his squad. I see ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Just like his sacrifice did absolutely nothing to save Omega from the Empire in the end. Is that really a worthy death for one of the Batch? Not in my book.

So what would be an impactful and meaningful character arc for Tech? Well, I'm 99.9% sure that what would be hardest for him to be subjected to (and hopefully endure in the end) is losing what makes him feel unique and special: aka his BRILLIANT MIND. And what more horrible, awful way for Tech to be tested and grow as a character than to have his beautiful mind hijacked by the Empire to further their own tyranny even as they pit him against his loved ones and everything they stand for.

I'm not saying Tech has to be revealed as CX-2, but so far it makes the most emotional and narrative sense based on all the breadcrumbs the writers are tossing at us along the way. Of course, CX-2 could be Cody and Tech is still in a vat on Tantiss while Hemlock experiments on taking over his mind to turn him into a CX as well. But the TBB series is about, well, the Batch, not Rex and Cody. Ergo, a Cody reveal wouldn't gut the Batch to their emotional core the way a Tech reveal would, so right now my money is still on Tech. It could be that Cody is being saved for something else up Filoni's sleeve.

Either way, if Tech's gifted mind has been sabotaged by the Empire, this seems like an actual character arc rather than having him die via a sacrifice that he would have made without hesitation going all the way back to Season 1. To quote Chopper: BLAH BLAH BLAH. In contrast, not only is a hijacked Tech deeply affected, it also generates significant emotional collateral damage to the Batch. Tech and all of his family/squad would have to struggle to deal with the consequences, such as whether or not he can even be saved and how much of the damage to his mind is permanent.

If Tech is alive and the Empire has done something like this to him, it is certainly possible the remaining episodes will not fully answer whether or not Tech is salvageable. After all, the SW writers had no problems with having Ezra Bridger and Thrawn vanish for years before we found out what happened, but I very much hope they won't leave us with this kind of cliffhanger again!

Anyway, my whole point is that the possibility that Tech is alive does not necessarily equate "ugh here we go again, no one in SW stays dead." A narrative choice by the writers to bring Tech back does not automatically erase deep and lasting consequences for either Tech or the rest of the Batch. Death is not the only way for characters to grow, and it seems to be used way more than it should be for this purpose in my humble opinion. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how the story concludes in the finale and whether the onscreen hints about Tech's possible not-dead state were simply red herrings.

As far as other character arcs go for the finale, all Omega has ever wanted from the very first show is to be part of her Batch brothers, to belong. So the most difficult test for her would be that the squad is finally reunited, but now she must leave them. It seems quite possible that her interactions with the Force sensitive children on Tantiss will make it clear that none of them will ever be remotely safe unless they find the few Jedi who are helping such children in the aftermath of the Purge. No doubt Ventriss would come back into play if this is the ending for Omega. In a happier ending, the Batch would go with Omega to continue to help rescue Force sensitive kids from the likes of Cad Bane, while Rex and Echo most likely continue helping clones.

I think Hunter will definitely have to choose to confront the Empire head on in a way he has always resisted to protect his squad. After all, Echo left the Batch to join Rex because he got tired of waiting for Hunter to come around to doing more to fight for their clone brothers, as well as others being hurt by the Empire. I only hope this doesn't cost Hunter his life, but if it does, THIS would be a sacrificial death that completes the character's arc.

Meanwhile, Crosshair's redemption arc is well under way and he continues to be one of the most interesting characters in the series. The best part of Season 3 for me has been Crosshair rejoining the Batch and I very much hope his curmudgeonly efforts to be a better person won't be the cause of his demise.

As for Wrecker, he has grown as a character over the series and no longer is just Mr. Boom Boom. He's showed a lot of street smarts dealing with the likes of Fennec in that Space Florida episode and he seems to look more before he leaps into the fray with his fists and weapons...although I do like the fact that Wrecker still enjoys opening up a can of whoop ass more than anything :)

Okay, so 3 more episodes to go and we'll see how much of what actually happens blows my essay today about Tech and the finale out of the water.

#the bad batch #the bad batch spoilers #tech #yes more theories and speculations #please don't kill off another blorbo star wars #was a new hope just a blip on the sw timeline

[schweety]

i've been bitching about the ending non-stop so i sat down and thought about how i would've ended it, so here are my thoughts (unhinged)

first and foremost: hiyori's death

how i would have done it: she had an unique status as an half-ayakashi. a few chaps back, when she was almost sucked into that hole, i wholly believed adachitoka was planning for her to go to the underworld to meet izanami. i'd have loved to see her meet the goddess of death, somehow get the info on how to break the koto no ha (as izanami is surely still mad at father), making a promise to her to bring father to her and then return to the near shore (as she's half-human) to kill father without having to die for the melodrama of it all.

and to make her return to her body, yato'd have had to cut their ties once and for all, making her forget about him (this would have been just as emotional and dramatic as her death!)

second: the whole heaven arc

i would've shown at least SOMETHING about heaven (like a covenant) officially pardoning bishamon and co. and amaterasu announcing that heaven had to change their ways in order to never let anything like this happen again. amaterasu saw first-hand what corruption could lead to and an insight into her mind, her thoughts and learnings all brought to her by yato would've resolved at least some of the loose threads from the heaven arc.

third: god's greatest secret

this wasn't resolved at all by adachitoka. kazuma and yukine have been touched by GGS and lived! nice, but what about the secret as a whole? honestly, all gods should be deadly afraid of them bc of this and not allow their shinkis to hang with them at all lol.

the whole point of GGS was that the painful, regretful death of their past lives would corrupt a shinki. the solution to this whole thing, in my eyes? break the taboo as a whole. not sure how exactly i'd have handled this, but if all shinkis knew their past lives, they could start healing each other together, playing back into the famous quote that ,,only humans can help humans'', which shinki are. ofc, this would need like a whole arc of itself so the ending in the manga is fine, i guess. they just don't rly talk about it lol.

fourth: father

OOOH what wasted potential! he was so complex and then they went ''haha, bad guy go blubblub'' which i honestly don't even mind at all. but i'd have added at least one scene of him meeting izanami back in the underworld, with her wearing kaya's face once again. he'd hear kaya's words ''to let it go'' one last time before he accepts his death and failure, embracing izanami and meeting his end therem eternal limbo. it'd have been a deserved death, bc he was (comically) evil and did terrible things but with some more context and depth to his character (which he always had!).

fifth, yato's lifeline (the most important one)

the literal plotpoint of the manga was yato being recognized as a god by the people. the whole twitter debacle was funny, yeah, but oh so cheap.

i personally would've loved for him to realize, after saving hiyori, that he actually wasn't disappearing at all, making him realize that there were people believing in him (like masaomi). they could've cut back to the little boy with his cat, who still thought about yato as his saviour, or to the girl he saved in chapter 1, who remembered a god that had brought her happiness. he'd have realized that, while bringing calamity, he had also been a god of fortune to them all the time. would've been such a nice, full circle and such a good pointe to this whole lifeline thematic and another realization that father had been lying to him all along. BUT NO. TWITTER SAVED HIM. hsuiahfsdufhudzshf

and lastly, the timeskip:

honestly? i liked this about the chap. showing hiyori as a doctor, her thriving, i was so happy! i would've kept that. also i like the fact that yato hid her diary from her, in order to let her live her life after cutting their ties, peak drama, mwah!

of course, she remembers him, i loved how his name formed on her lips and boom, there he was, on the tree

i would've added a convo, something, anything!!! they haven't talked in yrs (real-time!) so they should've exchanged words, a hug, WHATEVER, accepting their love for each other, accepting that she has to live on on the near shore, as much as it dooms their relationship. some frigging acknowledgment of their feelings for each other, come on!

also, yatorine reunion, before we cut to the end page where hiyori writes in her diary about yato.

the rest? i was fine with. take has a good end, bishamon has a good end, nora especially won! i liked these points but like… everything else i pointed out? too sad we're left with these threads hanging loose, i guess :(

#noragami #noragami spoilers #i haven't written anything this long since uni so uh #you can see how badly this is affecting me #my shizz #i have a headache

[mythserene]

I'll Follow the Sun's 15 words in Tune In

Following along with AKOM I was struck by this page as I was passing it, so just out of curiosity I googled to see what I could find out about "I'll Follow the Sun" that would have been available before Lewisohn wrote Tune In, and what could Lewisohn have done with his prose for this song?

From Beatles Music History website:

"I wrote that in my front parlour in Forthlin Road. I was about 16," McCartney stated in an interview. This would date the song as being written as far back as 1958. He continues, "So, 'I'll Follow The Sun' was one of those very early ones. I seem to remember writing it just after I'd had the flu...I remember standing in the parlour looking out through lace curtains of the window and writing that one."

There is a recording in existence (available on bootlegs) of the early Beatles, known then as The Quarrymen, performing the song. The electric guitar arrangement features Paul, John and George on guitar with Stuart Sutcliffe on bass and presumably Tommy Moore on drums. According to McCartney, who purchased the tape from Peter Hodgson in 1995, the recording dates back to April of 1960 and was made in the bathroom of his home at 20 Forthlin Road during a school holiday. McCartney's recollection of the "middle eight" being re-written before they recorded it professionally is confirmed by this early rough recording, because the lyrics of this middle section appears to say "Well, don't leave me alone, I need you/ Now hurry and follow me, my dear." 

Tune In:

“I’ll Follow the Sun.” Paul came up with this rhythmic ballad alone, words and music, on his Zenith guitar.

There's a very good story and all we get is "rhythmic ballad on his Zenith guitar"? But all that about a John song that doesn't even really seem like a John song? 

It does get a bit more ink in Chapter 15 when Lewisohn talks about the bootleg, but I can't see anyone who loves writing about where songs come from as much as Lewisohn does passing up all the history of one of their most beloved songs that a bootleg even exists for. A bootleg with different lyrics, that he never mentions! There's just a lot on this song that he could've done so much with, and although I wrote before that I don't think Lewisohn is actually trying to settle scores, I am now genuinely starting to wonder.

Lewisohn on "I'll Follow the Sun" in the bootleg:

There’s also the earliest-available recordings of “One After 909,” “I’ll Follow the Sun” and “Hello Little Girl.” “One After 909” is clearly a diamond in the rough, polished by John and Paul’s attractive harmonizing. “I’ll Follow the Sun” is Paul alone, guitar and voice, save for someone (probably John) slapping a guitar case.

I'll say this, once you start noticing the attention to detail and real estate, you really start noticing. I had focused on the jealousy footnotes early on in my reading because it stood out to me so much, and once I realized how few were supported I was awestruck and started digging more, but I hadn't given thought or attention to the broader comparisons. 

Absolutely blown away, tbh. I am less enamored of the space comparisons in general because they're more subjective than just the, "What, he's saying Paul was jealous because he wanted to be out front and he hated Stu from a quote saying 'I was playing the drums with a broomstick between my legs and it wasn't easy"??" But although they're harder to point out, they are most certainly there, and there to a truly unpardonable extent. This one blew my ass away.

Honestly, WTF?

Since I referenced it, the "Paul's jealousy was stoked because he was unhappy because he liked exhibiting versitility and nobody looked at the drummer and did I mention he was jealous?" pages below.

#the beatles #lewisohn #akom #historiography #fine tuning #paul mccartney #john lennon #beatles #tune in #i'll follow the sun #the quarrymen

[mikhailwrites]

The road / Ghost x Soap

Kinktober #8 - Napping together (from the SFW prompt list)

Return to the base is by far Soap’s least favourite part of any deployment. The deal is done; there’s no more danger, there’s no objective—only the countless hours spent on the road or in the air.

Thankfully, Ghost knows him well enough by now and provides some comfort.

Return to the base is by far Soap’s least favourite part of any deployment. The deal is done; there’s no more danger, there’s no objective—only the countless hours spent on the road or in the air. Adrenaline has fizzled out of his system, leaving him tired and way too lucid at the same time. The flights and rides home are when the regrets register. What went wrong, what could he have done better, what are the lessons to learn. Most of the time, it’s completely useless. The reflection and analysis only make sense with a level of distance. So soon after the mission, there’s no way he can see the full picture and disregard irrelevant information. He knows all this, yet is unable to stop his brain.

Soap startles as something big and heavy flops down on the bench next to him. In the low, red-tinged light of the cargo bay, he can’t make out much. Soap relaxes the moment he realises it’s Ghost.

“Ghost?” he addresses his Lieutenant over the comms as the plane engines are too bloody loud.

There’s no answer, but suddenly, there is Ghost’s arm around Soap’s shoulders, pulling him close. Soap goes willingly, leaning against Ghost’s solid frame. Johnny sighs, feeling the tension gradually leave his body.

“Better?” The soothing timbre of Ghost’s voice sounds intimately close in the comms.

“Aye,” Soap admits, leaning on Ghost more. “Could you… keep talking? Please?” That’s a tall order, and they both know it. Between the two of them, there’s only one talker, and it’s not Ghost.

Ghost hums, clearly contemplating the request. “What would you have me say?”

“Anythin’ really,” Soap closes his eyes, too tired to explain his request.

“Alright,” Ghost’s arm tightens around Johnny’s shoulders, providing even more comfort. There was never any need for him to explain, Ghost knows him well enough by now. He thinks for a minute, searching his memory for something that wouldn’t be a horrible choice, like quoting the field manual or telling some horrible jokes. Both of those have a place in their communication, especially their infamous banter, but it doesn’t fit this moment. A possibility presents itself, and Ghost goes with it. It’s unusual, but he has a feeling that Johnny might appreciate it. “On the far side of the river valley the road passed through a stark black burn. Charred and limbless trunks of trees stretching away on every side. Ash moving over the road and the sagging hands of blind wire strung from the blackened lightpoles whining thinly in the wind.”

Soap filters out everything except Ghost’s nearly monotonous voice, which actually suits the picture he’s painting with his words. It feels melancholic. “’S nice… what is it?” Johnny asks, already on the verge of sleep.

“The Road by Cormac McCarthy. You should read it sometime.”

“Mmm… maybe I will… tell me some more.” He probably won’t read it. Soap’s never been one for reading, unable to focus on the pages for more than fifteen minutes before his mind starts to multitask. However, he’s reasonably sure he could listen to Ghost read him a book. Soap tries to imagine them huddled in a bed like that, simply enjoying a cosy evening. The world could go fuck itself for once.

Ghost rakes his memory for the continuation of the story. “Farther along were billboards advertising motels. Everything as it once had been save faded and weathered. At the top of the hill they stood in the cold and the wind, getting their breath. He looked at the boy. I'm all right, the boy said…,” Ghost trails off as he realises Soap has fallen asleep. Ghost’s gentle chuckle is hidden under the harsh skull mask.

Simon has always considered himself a man of violence—someone who can only take and never give back. Soap has changed that. Not the reality, merely Simon’s perception of self. He’s gentle with Johnny, and, as much as he struggles to understand it, he seems to be able to bring the man peace. It’s a new, uncharted territory, one he’s keen on exploring more.

Carefully, Simon makes himself a little bit more comfortable, resting his chin on Johnny’s mohawk as he, too, closes his eyes and lets his mind drift off.

#call of duty #ghost mw2 #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #ghost x soap #ghostsoap #soap mw2 #soapghost #ghoap #kinktober 2023 #kinktober #fluff

[christabelq]

As any Tank Girl fans out there will know, our gal can often be seen wearing customised army helmets. They’re a super fun accessory, so I decided a few months back to have a go at making one. I started off by picking out a couple of ones I liked in the comics (see above for an example) and worked out a design. There were a lot of sticky out bits, so I had a feeling putting it together was going to be easier said than done, but I’ve never let that stop me before and didn’t this time. I could have taken the easy route and bought a plastic helmet, which would have been soooo simple to attach things to, but me being me, I decided to go with something authentic, namely (and I quote) a ‘genuine vintage Bulgarian army M72 steel combat helmet’ which was going cheap on good ol’ ebay 👍👍. I was totally expecting to have to drill holes in this for some of the attachments, but as luck would have it, there were some readymade ones 😊. These are the other bits I used…

1 x plastic creature head – I was looking for something which resembled the head on the attached reference picture and stumbled on something perfect while rummaging through a box of random toys in a thrift store.

1 x neodymium magnet – Used to fix the creature head onto the front of the helmet.

1 x dart – To stick in one of the holes. My only complaint here was I had to buy a pack of 3 and don’t know what to do with the other 2. Maybe I can use them in some future cosplay project.

1 x wooden rod + craft feathers + 1 x plastic wall plug – Used to make an arrow to poke in another of the holes. I had to make my own arrow, as none of the ones I saw for sale would have fit.

1 x kitchen fork – Another thrift store find which looked like it would be a good stand-in for the knife in the picture if I chopped the top off.

Some straps and buckles from an old bag – Stitched together to make a carrying strap for the helmet (which I needed to hang things off).

3 x old bullets for decoration

Some bits of leather to make a bandolier type thing to hold the bullets.

1 x old cigarette box for decoration.

1 x gun keyring – This was an impulse thrift store buy, which wasn’t in the original design, but I thought would be another good decoration (there were actually so many impulse buys like this I couldn’t use them all and ended up making a Tank Girl baseball cap for the overflow – more about that another time).

One of my old teddy bears (Flapjack) to hang from the knife (really a kitchen fork) handle.

1  x old white shoelace to make a hangman’s noose for my teddy (poor Flapjack 🎻).

Acrylic paint and brushes - I’m sure y’all can guess what these were for.

1x target sticker – I bought this in a craft store, because it looked just like the target on the helmet in the picture and I wanted to save myself a tricky painting job.

It took me a while to get all of that together (as you can imagine), but eventually I was ready to go. I eased myself in gently by sticking on the target sticker. Then I did the painting bits. I seem to be getting better at this, as I managed to get through it with no major screw-ups😊. I left the paint to dry for a day and sprayed on some fixative to protect it. It seems to be doing the job, though I have no clue how long it will last.

I made my arrow from the bits mentioned above and sawed off the top of the kitchen fork to make my stand-in knife. Then I worked out how I was going to attach everything. As I said, I used a magnet for the creature head. I stuck the arrow into one of the holes and the dart into another with a plastic bung on the other side to hold it in place. For the knife, I pushed a long screw through the last hole and screwed it into the top of the handle. You can see the screw from some angles, but it was the best I could come up with and it does the job.    

I hung Flapjack from the knife handle, clipped on the carry strap with its various decorations and that’s pretty much it. It’s not a bad take on the Tank Girl originals if I do say so myself, though it takes some getting used to. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve bashed one of the sticky out bits on something when I’ve been walking around. Also it’s heavier at the back, so it has a tendency to slip off. As always, this isn’t a proper tutorial, but maybe it will be helpful if anyone out there is thinking of making their own Tank Girl helmet. Have fun if you do. I’m on Ko-fi if anyone is feeling generous and wants to support me in my cosplay adventures… ༻ko-fi.com/christabelq༺ It’s always super-appreciated. Bye for now. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

#tankgirl #tank girl #tankgirlcomic #cosplaygirl #cosplayers #ukcosplayer #cosplaygirls #comicbooks #follow for follow #follow back #followback #followforfollow #like for like #likeforlike #costume design #prop design #cosplay tutorial #rocket launcher #alan martin #jamie hewlett #helmet

[lesbian-gnf-archive]

you should take about The Hoodie Saga I think . i have so many demons (<- was there for the whole thing) but I think baby fans have no idea of the lore behind that damn smile hoodie. George was so insane for that 🤕 my man really said what if I pretend you're my boyfriend ?

Okay baby dnfers buckle up, this is one of the most insane sagas.

So in December 2020 during the famous Trident stream Dream reveals that George told him he wanted to buy a 5xl hoodie, take a picture of it, and caption it "Just stole Dream's hoodie". Dream tells him that wouldn't be funny and George is like "tbf it'd be kinda funny" and that was that for a while. So George is insane, nothing new.

And then flash forward to February of 2021 and Dream mentions on a Karl(?) stream that George actually bought the hoodie and he had video called Dream to show him how big it was. Dream in his words "took so many screenshots, but he'd kill him if he posted them". So George bought a 5xl hoodie and showed it off to Dream privately and sounds like had no intention of posting pictures himself. Okay.

Onto the famous second red hoodie stream still in February (I couldn't watch it live cuz I was hanging out with my friend 😒) and Dream has been teasing George the entire stream with Quackity. Quackity mentions he has incriminating screenshots of George and Dream mentions he has the ones of his hoodie and he'll post them if George reaches his subgoal. George tells him not to. Dream says he has to pick which ones he wants to share and calls them "the cutest pictures of George ever" (direct quote.) He then posts them:

(I don't have the second pic saved but it's a 100% candid of George doing absolutely nothing)

Next (still in February I believe) George streams and he's clearly wearing the hoodie. Chat is spamming it and he's giggly and flustered and says "And, the hoodie-" on accident instead of stream or smth. Later on the stream Sapnap joins and reads a dono saying "Does George wear cologne? I'll answer this, no." And George says "I actually put cologne on before the stream" and Sapnap asks "why??" And George responds "It just smells good, I don't know." He then says "I sprayed Dream's hoodie with cologne" and takes a big whiff of the collar. So. George almost never wears cologne but he put some on the hoodie that he calls Dream's and he had no intention of sharing this until it was brought up and he smelled it. Cool.

And then months go by and George wears it again, does a fit check and calls it a "very basic, but comfy fit"

And then in October 2021 George posts a TikTok about his leaky roof and Dream mentions it while they're doing a podcast. He goes "Wait, George, did you put that hoodie on for the TikTok or were u just wearing it? (Definitely already knew he was just wearing it)" "I put it on for the TikTok 🙄 No I was just wearing it, you know that" "Let's fucking go*

And that's the last we see the hoodie until December 2022 where George wears it for the first ever Dream Team Christmas streams and it's the first time we the audience had seen it in over a year. Which is still the craziest thing he's ever done he knows what he was doing like

And that's the dnf Dream Hoodie Saga of 2020-2022

#kore.ask #dnf #dreamnotfound #matt #dnf history

[kelean]

it's always funny to me when people blame jack's insanity and genocidal tendencies solely on lilith and moxxi's so-called "betrayal" and at this point i'm convinced that they played some different game because:

lilith and moxxi literally saw him kill innocent scientists only because he thought they may betray him, but there was no solid evidence for that. and even if there actually was a traitor among them, jack could've simply put them in some sort of jail or just deal with them quietly. but no. instead he decided to make a whole show out of killing them in one of the most cruel ways possible, while gathering all of his allies around. because his goal wasn't to just get rid of someone you can't trust - he wanted lilith, moxxi and roland to see what will happen to them if they dare to disobey him

after he killed the meriff he thought that it was - quote-unquote - "invigorating". killing scientists also "felt good". normal person behavior btw

he never cared about felicity. he doesn't feel any remorse or guilt after killing her, even though she was helping him this entire time. and correct if i'm wrong, but while he did need an army to take helios back, he, in the end, never actually used it. the loaders in bl:tps couldn't do much - we had to manually turn them into the loaders who can shoot or blow up stuff. and it was after we already got on helios. so basically, there was no rush to make a constructor out of felicity and consequently kill her in the process

by the time of the events of bl:tps he has already destroyed moxxi's underdome like she said in one of the side quests in bl2 (nevertheless, she still agreed to help him). and before you say anything about how he couldn't actually do that and it's a retcon because he was a low-level programmer may i remind you that he had the money to make a goddamn body double for himself. he had a fancy office. he had a chamber for angel's containment. and i think it's pretty believable that a person with that much money is capable of doing that

and yes, angel. while lilith and roland didn't know about that at the time, he has already enslaved his own daughter many years ago and used her to manipulate them into finding the vault for him in bl1. and he had the resources to keep her in her place, too

so, of course, when they saw the eye of the destroyer they knew what was going on. imagine somehow killing a monster that took down armies just to see its' eye being used by some big fucking corporation for god knows what years later

now, to the fun part - the betrayal. let's just say that moxxi’s good at reading people - she wasn’t wrong when she called jack a «power-hungry psychopath» and said that «a lot of decent people will live to regret it if you come down from helios alive» as we will see in the future events. she and others saw jack's true colors shine through during their little quest to save the moon and it was the only logical conclusion. she was fucking right

moxxi specifically asked jack to be at the eye of helios because she planned to kill him (and, well, people who agreed to work for him) and him (and his team) only. moreover, the station was already under attack by the lost legion by quite some time. so there was literally no possibility that it would've impacted any innocents (so idk from where some people got the idea that they killed "millions of innocent hyperions" - that's just called making shit up)

jack, on the other hand, didn't know how much of an impact that caused. however, he isn’t sad about the possible death of people that singularity might have caused (again, it could, but it didn’t - still, Jack doesn’t give a fuck). he isn’t even worried about his own team. all he cares about is that he lost a very valuable and deadly weapon because of «the things he could have done with it» - and it’s pretty obvious what exactly can you do with this sort of weapon. it wasn't just standing there to look pretty you know

also, while we’re at it, you can even argue how this whole “saving the moon and its’ people” thing might have been just a cover up for a real reason – that is, get this very dangerous weapon back under his control. but that's just a speculation based on some of the in-game things i've noticed, so let's not dwell on it

finally, i never really got why people are so mad at lilith for punching jack - she literally admits that she should’ve just killed him instead, as, in the end, it costed her a lot of people’s lives and, more specifically, roland’s life. she feels extremely guilty. she knows that she fucked up. her main mistake, however, wasn't that she "betrayed" jack - her main mistake was leaving him to die instead of finishing a job and thinking that he can actually be trustworthy

#saw lilith and moxxi hate in the borderlands tag a couple of days ago so. i had to write something #btw really funny how people who blame them for killing 'innocent hyperions' (even tho they literally didnt do that lol) are the same people #who never say anything about rhys killing like. who knows how many people when he crushed helios #and its actually confirmed by the goddamn game. but yeah he is the good guy for trying to kill jack by any means possbile while lilith #and moxxi are cruel and deserve to die <3 like do you guys hear yourself #borderlands #lilith the siren #mad moxxi #NOT putting jack's tag here lol. i'd put his 'critical' tag but tumblr's search is too f up for this #vi.txt

[rileythelonelyalien]

Dottore x GN! reader: Medical ordeals

A/N: Hello! it's been a hot minute since my last post apologies for that, I've been quite held up with all my courses but I have some time off now so hopefully I'll be writing up all the idea I have saved up but for now I do hope you enjoy this fan fiction . This one is in fact based around an experience I've actually been through .

cw: description of a bad medical experience , mentions of blood.

You and Dottore had only become an item a short while ago , although feelings had blossomed much further back it had only become an official thing as of late. 

Dottore being a man of science and arguably medicine (albeit the medicine and ‘cures’ he provides are not orthodox to what a morally sound doctor would prescribe) over the time that he has known you he has done his best to collect medical records of yours so that he was aware what either ails you or what you would be prone too. However, try as he might he could never manage to find or secure your dental records and so he had to turn to his last option, asking you himself. Of course, he had asked you to bring anything concerning the matter to him under the premises that he needed more data for a statistic table that he was drawing up , although this was not the case.

You enter his lab the lights just as blindingly bright as always as you walk further into the sterile environment making sure to not touch anything as you wouldn't want to compromise your boyfriends work because of something so trivial. Tightly clutching you proceeded further into the laboratory. As you make your way to the back which is where your lover is most likely is, you notice a few of his clones working some of them were already acquainted with you and in your presence sent you a small wave before continuing their assigned tasks. However, some of the others who were still in the process of warming up to you snarled at you some even hissing , quote the amusing sight yet still very threatening. Doing your best to pay this unusual behaviour no mind , you quicken your pace once his desk come into view with his back facing you. Cautious to not startle the man you walk around the desk so that he is able to see your figure and alert him that you have arrived. Gently setting down the papers you give him a gentle smile. He brings his head up from the paper filled with many equations and diagrams scrawled on with seeming quick haste , he brings his face to look at yours. Somehow he claims he can see perfectly even with his mask on that looks like it covers his eyes , you struggle to comprehend just how he has managed to do this but knowing his genius this was entirely probable. Beneath his mask you watch his features soften and a sharp toothed smile take over the previous frown that was etched onto his face. Yet before you could point anything out or begin to say anything he quickly picks up the papers you had brought him flicking though them reading them at an incredible pace , although this may have been an adaptation in order for him to reduce time wasted on reading so that he can progress even faster with his projects none the less it was still immensely impressive. 

You decide to sit down on one of the few chairs by his desk and wait patiently until he finishes. A loud slamming of papers sounds thought the lab , Dottore has quickly set down the papers you had brought to him , the abruptness of the sudden sound making you jump slightly. You tilt your head slightly as you gently ask your lover ‘ Is everything okay ?’ you watch his features change from annoyance to a much softer expression at the mere sound of your voice. After a few moments of silence, he offers you a reply ‘ There seems to be some missing parts to your documents , do you happen to know what happened ?’ at the mention of this your expression changes ,your mouth in resemblances of an ‘o’ as you realise what he was talking about ‘Ah, that….’ you hesitate. Dottore leans in closer so that his face is closer to your own and places his hand on top of yours as if to provide some comfort and as a way of reassurance that what ever you say to him will be safe. With this gesture from him you feel much more comfortable in explaining everything to him. 

You take a small breath before conveying what happened in that one undocumented appointment:

You were young and were taken to the dentists in order to get a check up however this ended up with the need of tooth extraction… Unfortunately for you this was not going to be a straight forward as they promised it would be. You were sat in that chair a clear liquid being put onto your gums they were meant to stop any pain form affecting you , yet it wasn't taking effect. Despite knowing this they did not look to find a solution to this and proceeded with the extraction. Metal tools clamping down on your tooth steadying themselves in order to rip it out. Within moments the tooth is pulled out with immense force you could hear your own screams echo through the halls as your mouth began to pool with blood. The throbbing pain echoed thought your mouth and face with tears spilling over and running down your cheeks. This was a moment in your youth you would never forget. The emotionless faces that inflicted such pain on you the lights shining into your face and eyes , the throbbing pain. Everything was etched into your mind. Yet despite this entire ordeal the clinic that you had went to wanted to keep their pristine record of always satisfied patients and so they wiped this appointment and the results clean from any records that would exist. Of course, they are not able to erase someone's memory.

As you finish relating this story to him you noticed how his hand now gripped yours , tight but not tight enough to cause you any harm his face now contorted into a scowl. This was not what he was expecting to hear not in the slightest , although he has witnessed much worse when he conducts his experiments but when it came to you it was … different. You were worthy of being treated like the most precious jewels , so gracefully without bringing you any harm and yet some had the audacity to do such a sloppy job and dare to cover their tracks? Not on his watch. ‘Dottore? I hope this hasn't upset you dear’ You try to bring Dottore back from his thoughts yet as soon as you utter out those few words Dottore quickly proceeds to grab both of your hands with his own. ‘What a bunch of preposterous fools , treating you so poorly have no shame to act in such a way in the name of medicine?!?’ The hypocrisy from him was intense yet you were oblivious to his medical ‘ordeals’ and such his statement seemed comforting. He brings a gloved hand up to touch your cheek staring into your eyes through his mask ‘ My love in my hands you will only be treated with the upmost of care I can assure you with that!’ he vows to you. Being so infatuated with him all you can do it lean into his touch and hum in approval ‘I know my doctor will take good care of me’ you state before kissing his palm. 

#dottore #dottore x reader #dottore fluff #genshin dottore #genshin fanfic #genshin impact fatui #genshin fatui #genshin x reader #genshin impact #fatui harbingers #il dottore #fatui x reader #fatui dottore #dottore x you

[hirunoka]

"You're My Angel"

for @incidentale (Thank you so much for that ask and the inspiration ❤🌻 )

Words: 1323

(Ao3 link in reblog)

Characters: Simon (Dinner in America 2020), Patty (Dinner in America 2020)

Additional Tags: Fluff, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, They love each other so much, and I love THEM so much oh God we NEED a sequel, Also we need more fanfictions wtf, inspired by a song

“You know that I’m no angel, right?” Simon half-teases with an arched brow after she is done singing, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close on the bed.

“You’re a fucking angel, you’re my angel. All mine, mine, mine…” she sweetly sings into his ear this time. He can feel her smile against his ear and fuck him if it doesn’t make his heart race and ache like crazy.

Just like every time.

He decides that he’ll die a happy man if he can feel her smile like this every day.

“I’m no angel,” he insists.

“You are. To me. You saved me. You can’t deny that. No matter what you do and say, you’ll be always my angel,” Patty says as she nuzzles his neck and that’s what breaks him finally because fuck, he was no one's, and I mean no one's favourite person before: let alone an angel.

Sure, he had a few loyal fans maybe: fans who thought he was amazing and cool, but what the fuck did they know? They only knew John Q.  And they sure didn’t think he was an angel. Not that he wanted them to. He knew he was no angel, and he wasn’t aiming for being seen as one by anyone. That wouldn’t be very punk of him, right? Right. Fuck angels, anyway.

Simon is not sure who saved who, actually, so he just lets out a dry chuckle and swallows the lump in his throat as the tears he was holding back gently roll down his cheeks.

It’s a weird and holy feeling; being loved oh so much.

He doesn’t think he has been ever loved like this before; so truly, madly and deeply. Yeah he is quoting Savage Garden okay, sue him. Not even by his parents who were supposed to love him. Because that’s what parents did, he used to think. They would love and accept their kid. Well, apparently that was such bullshit.

Patty, on the other hand, loved him without trying to change him: she accepted him as a whole, loved him as a whole.

Being loved by her was a miracle. She was a miracle in his eyes.

Patty, Patty, Patty…

Kind, funny, sweet, sexy, patient, honest, and just his-kind-of-crazy.

They were living together in their small but cozy apartment for the past seven months and nine days, and yet she never ceased to amaze him every single day.

He buries his nose in her soft hair and sighs.

“I’m sure you would figure something out by yourself to save yourself from that pathetic shit that you used to call ‘life’, eventually. You are punk as fuck and smart as hell, after all. I just… made the process go faster. Diamonds don’t stay hidden all their lives. They can’t. They find a way to shine sooner or later somehow.”

“I don’t remember allowing you to make this about me,” she complains and slightly pulls herself away to look at him. Seeing his tears makes her frown, but she doesn’t mention it or asks if he is okay. She leans her forehead against Simon’s instead, her thump caressing the side of his cheek as he closes his eyes in content. “But hey, at least you didn’t deny that you’re mine.”

“I don’t remember askin' for permission. Everything is about you for me now.”

‘There is no me without you anymore,’ he thinks.

“Is that so?”

“Hell yeah,” he nods. When he opens his eyes, Patty looks at him like he has given her the whole wide world. “You see that streetlight?” He points at the streetlight across the street from their window. “Even that is about you,” he whispers. “It helps me to see you better when you’re sleeping. Big fan of that one, I swear. Beautiful warm yellow. Maybe I should write a song about it later. And of fucking course I’m yours, music girlfriend. Always. Hell, I was yours before you even knew it.”

“Ew, babe, you’re sooo cheesy right now. You’re like, as cheesy as mac and cheese, even.”

That makes Simon laugh. Teach Patty a word and voilà, just watch her start using it all the time.

“I’m just fuckin' with you,” she laughs back. “And I’m yours, too, angel,” she adds as she starts pressing soft kisses on his body: first on his naked chest and then his collarbone, shoulder and jaw.

“This better not become a thing,” feeling his cheek heat a little, he mumbles, his hands wandering up and down her sides.

“What? Me calling you ‘angel’? How about… ‘Punk Angel’ ‘Angel of Punk? But nah, I think I love calling you just ‘angel’ more. Sorry not sorry,” she says with a cocky smile that suits her so much that Simon falls in love with her all over again.

He is utterly captivated by her and her affection.

“Did I ever tell you that your voice is as deep as an abyss that I wouldn’t mind falling into for the rest of my life, angel?”

That sounds like a promise somehow and Simon’s heart suddenly skips a beat. He hopes and wishes it’s a promise because he would give everything for Patty to stay by his side for the rest of his life.

It makes him feel selfish to want her that much even when he has her now, though. He cannot help but feel like one day she will realize she can do better than him and then decide to leave his sorry ass because God knows she deserves better.

Even imagining that makes him feel like dying so he tells his brain to stop thinking such things and focus on the moment they are in instead.

“And you call me cheesy. Oh God, you’re ridiculous.”

“Goddess, you mean, am I right or am I right?”

“Yeah yeah, whatever you say, you adorable and sexy Punk Goddess.”

Satisfied with his answer, she locks their lips together finally. Simon kisses her back like her lips are oxygen and he is a dying astronaut.

“Don’t be surprised if I steal your idea about that The Streetlight song,” Patty lets him know when they pull away eventually. “I think I can pull it off before Saturday and sing it for you at my concert.”

“I have no doubt you could,” holding her close, he yawns and agrees as she lies on his chest.

“Now hush, I gotta watch you sleep while the streetlight accompanies me.”

“Whaa— You creep.”

“What can I say? You’re my inspiration, angel. And don’t act like I don’t catch you watching me sleep nearly every morning.”

“Who? Me? You can prove nothing,” he denies.

“Uh-huh, sure. Sweet dreams.”

“Being with you is like a sweet dream anyway, I need nothing else.”

And with that, he let himself start falling into the warm embrace of sleep. At this point he cannot even remember how he used to sleep alone before he met her.

“He sleeps soundly by her side, without a care,

While she traces his features with a loving stare.

In the quiet of the night, they're alone,

With the streetlight as their silent chaperone,” just when he is about to fall asleep, he vaguely hears Patty singing quietly.

“Sweet streetlight, keep shining bright

As I watch my angel through the night.

Guide him with your gentle light,

In this moment, everything feels right.”

“Wow, you’re fast. That terribly sounds like a gospel for some reason though,” he makes an honest comment, ignoring the way how it made him feel warm inside despite it really sounding like a gospel.

“Shh, I’m just warming up, ignore it. Sleep.”

Simon chuckles and does as he is told after planting a kiss on her forehead and whispering: “I love you.”

“I love you, too, my angel,” is the last thing he hears before falling asleep with a slight smile on his face.

He thinks he can get used to that.

#dinner in america #kyle gallner #simon #patty #movies #my writing

[noramoons]

feels like we only go backwards

pairing: seo changbin x fem reader (afab)

genre: college au, frat boy!changbin

includes: angst, smut, (slight) fluff

rating: mature/18+ (minors DNI.)

warnings: mentions of drinking, food, language, explicit sexual content, friends with benefits, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex (wrap it before u tap it), a relationship that starts out toxic (please communicate with your romantic/sexual partners :D)

word count: 8.5k

summary: it’s been three years since you’ve seen changbin. you’ve gotten over your crush on him.

haven’t you?

This is, without a doubt, the worst frat party you've ever been to.

In all fairness, it's also the only frat party you've ever been to. You've spent almost the entirety of your college career away from this crowd; your goal has always been to get in and get out of university, nothing more, and nothing less, and you've done it in record time—just over three years, with your next semester also being your last. You're proud of yourself for how hard you've worked—how you've put your nose to the metaphorical grindstone and done nothing but work for three years, turning down all the party invitations, the weekend getaways, the spring break trips—all of it, so you could be done with school and get started on the part of your life that actually matters.

Well—you turned down most of them.

Your roommate, Saori, had begged you to go out with her this weekend—you’ve been such a stick in the mud (a direct quote!) for the past three years. She’s known you for years, your whole life, practically, and she says she misses who you used to be be. Back when you used to be fun. And it’s almost the end of the fall semester—there won’t be that many parties after this, after all.

So you agreed to go, albeit begrudgingly. Those goddamned emotions were finally getting to you again, of all things.

But now you're here. Saori had left you for the dance floor hours ago, leaving you with your back against the wall at the back of the room with a half-full red Solo cup in one hand. How revoltingly cliché.

You scan the room in front of you again. These kinds of parties have to only be fun if you're drunk—you can't understand the appeal otherwise. The dance floor across from you is full of nothing but senseless swaying and grinding, half of it not even on beat with the music booming in the speakers, reverberating in your chest and pounding against your ears.

It's on this final scan that you see a familiar face, though, and you nearly drop the plastic cup in your hand.

You almost laugh, but you don't.

Instead, you stare at the side profile of the man you think you'd recognize anywhere until he finally turns to make eye contact with you, and he looks just as surprised as you.

Seo Changbin.

"Y/N?"

You throw up your free hand in feigned defeat, plastering a fake smile on your lips instantly as he strolls over. You have an instant of mental panic thinking he's going to go in for a hug, but he saves you from your thoughts when he delivers a light punch to your shoulder.

"What are you doing here? I didn't know you even went to this school."

You let out a short laugh at that. "Yeah, I didn't know you did either. Kinda defeats the whole purpose of going to college this far away."

He cocks one eyebrow at you. "You came all this way just to avoid me?"

You make a face. "N-no, I meant people from high school. In general."

Changbin's grin widens. You could smack him. "Right."

You change the subject. "So...you're in this frat?"

He nods. "Sure am. Thought it would be a good way to meet people, get involved."

Right. "How's it been?" The small talk is killing you, you think, eating you away from the inside out—but you suppose it's better than the alternative. Besides, the two of you have always been good at this—practically lying to each other's faces to keep from actually having a serious conversation.

"It's been great, I've had an awesome time so far. I'm surprised I've never seen you before though—did you transfer?"

As if. "Oh, no—I came with my roommate. This, uh, isn't really my thing."

Changbin smirks at that. He lifts his index finger from being curled around the drink in his hand to point at the cup in yours. "That your first drink?"

You nod.

"I'll grab you another one. These are no fun if you're sober."

Funny—you'd just been thinking that. "Oh, Changbin, you don't have to, I—"

But he's already waving your words away as he walks towards the drink counter on the other side of the room.

He'd been your lab partner in chemistry senior year. God, you'd hated chemistry—but he hadn't. Rather, he'd taken to the subject like a duck to water, much to your chagrin—at least, until you realized he couldn't write an essay to save his life. A bargain was struck: he'd help you in chemistry, you'd help him in writing composition. Simple.

Simple. Which was exactly what it was supposed to be. And, in your defense, it had been, at first: his house wasn't even that far from yours. You'd walk over after school, or he'd knock on your door an hour or so after you got home. You'd exchange tips on your respective homework, and you'd return to your respective houses.

Before long, you're both doing well enough in your classes to stay afloat—but you still find yourself over at each other's houses several days of the week anyway. Half the time you don't even talk about school—you catch up on a show you're both becoming obsessed with, or he shows you a new song from some group you've never heard of, or you tell him about how crazy your parents are driving you this week, and he tells you about his ex-girlfriend being passive-aggressive towards him in the cafeteria, and it all still feels simple. Easy. Meant to be.

It still feels that way the day he kisses you on the couch in the middle of your movie marathon. You're glad you'd seen that movie before, because you don't end up getting to watch the end of it—or any of the sequels afterward. It's nothing more than background noise with Changbin's lips on your neck and his deft fingers unbuttoning the front of your jeans.

You barely make it in the front door the next time you come over before his hands are on you, and the time after that is the same way—all hurried, hushed words and soft kisses and clothes in a pile on his bedroom floor—and God, you've never known anything like this. You've fooled around before, maybe, but it almost scares you how fast you fall for Changbin. You had admired him long before you became lab partners in your shared chemistry class—you'd secretly been so glad when those classroom assignments had been announced, and you had been happy to just be friends at the beginning. This—whatever the two of you are now is more than you could have ever hoped for. It feels like all the pieces are falling into place.

That's why it's such a surprise when he doesn't ask you to come over the day before your next chemistry exam. You'd been planning a big study session for both of you—flashcards, color-coded notes, the works. And maybe you'd put on that pink set of lingerie he liked so much underneath your clothes that morning just in case anything else happened. Again.

Instead, he sends you a message, asking you to meet him in the parking lot after school. You'd felt that uneasy pit of nerves forming in the bottom of your stomach at the text, something you've never felt around him, and you hope you're just overthinking things.

You aren't.

Those last words of his to you stick in the front of your brain for weeks, like gum you can't get off the bottom of your shoe.

"I just don't think I can do anything like this right now. You know it hasn't been that long since Suran and I broke up, and I just think I might have moved too quickly on this."

You'd nodded quickly—too quickly, swallowing back tears as you did so. "Y-yeah, no, I get that. It's okay."

Changbin had given you a sad little smile. "You know, you can keep my jacket. If you want."

Asshole.

He'd said he didn't think he could do anything—so why had he done anything in the first place?

You're distracted from your thoughts when he returns with another red cup, holding it out towards you. "How're classes going?"

You almost miss the smirk that flashes across his face for a brief instant as he watches you down the rest of your drink in one gulp, taking the new cup from his outstretched hand. "Alright, I guess. How about you?"

Changbin shrugs. "Same here. What's your major again?"

'Again—' as if he'd asked before. "Communications."

"Oh, nice!" he says, nodding. "I'm in music production."

You almost let out a laugh. "Music production, huh? What, are you on SoundCloud, too?"

His grin only widens. "Want me to send you my link? Or you could come over and listen to it, sometime," he adds with a wink.

You laugh, despite yourself—and maybe it's the alcohol in your system loosening the tension in your chest, and maybe it isn't—but you feel suddenly stricken with the reminder that the two of you were friends, once. And he'd been easy to get along with, easier than any other guy you'd ever hung around.

Those first few weeks after you'd broken up (could you even say you'd broken up, really, if you'd never actually been together?) had been weird, to say the least. You'd done horrible on the exam the following day, something you would spend the entire rest of the semester making up for, and neither of you said a word to each other for weeks, about the class or otherwise. It wasn't until the next test rolled around that you reluctantly suggested comparing notes again—after school, of course, and in the coffee shop downtown. You weren't letting him in your house again, and you certainly weren't going over to his.

It had struck you in that moment, too, how well the two of you got along—sure, it had been awkward at first, pulling out your notes and talking about chemical titrations again like nothing had happened—but maybe it was better this way. You both work better as friends, clearly, so maybe that's all you should ever aim to be. At least you have this.

You think about that as your gaze flickers back up to his. You should say no, you think. You should yell at him for being such a pretentious dick, for not even bringing up how you'd left things senior year—but you don't. Instead, a half-smile crawls its way up the side of your mouth before you can stop it. "Sure."

~~~

It had scared you, those years ago, how quickly you'd fallen for him. Now, it scares you how easy you're able to fall into a routine again with him—as if nothing at all had happened. As if you're simply picking up from the last day of your shared chemistry class.

You still have an infuriating amount of things in common—you may even have more of the same interests now than you did in high school. You still watch the same shows, listen to the same music—and you'd be lying if you said he wasn't talented in that department, too. He invites you over one night while he works on an assignment with a few other students from the music department, and they're all good. Unbelievably so.

You fit in well with his friends, too—they're all just as funny and quick-witted as Changbin. Seeing him laugh again—especially when you're the cause of it, making him laugh that hearty, musical chuckle with something you said or did feels better than you remember.

You're all laughing together one night, playing a stupid drinking game at your apartment, and the alcohol in your system isn't the only thing making you feel so light headed. Changbin keeps grabbing hold of your shoulder when he laughs, throwing his head back and holding on to you for support, and you're suddenly having a hard time remembering why you'd been so stressed to see him nearly a month ago at that party.

The oldest of Changbin's friends—Chan, the grad student, points at you as he tries to stifle his laughter. "You lost!" he says, a little too gleefully. "Again!"

"Okay, okay! I get it, I'm going!" you shout over the noise of the music playing in the background, shooting him a fake grimace as you throw back another shot of vodka as punishment for not knowing the drummer for some obscure band you've never heard of.

They all cheer when you slam the empty shot glass back on the counter, and now you're the one giggling as you hold onto Changbin for support. He shoves your shoulder lightly when he notices, but he doesn't push you off of him.

"Alright, alright," Chan starts again once the commotion starts to quiet down again. "Changbin's turn. Truth or dare?"

Changbin shrugs. "Truth."

"Okay. What was the first thing I asked you last year in Professor Jang’s class?"

Changbin tilts his head to the side, but he only has to think for a few moments. "'Do you have a pencil I could borrow?'"

There's an immediate chorus of laughter around the circle, Jisung's laugh heard almost above everyone else's from your left. "He's too good at these, man. Changbin's no fun with these games."

Chan waves his words away. "Quit complaining already, it's your turn. You lost last round, so you get to ask."

Jisung scans the circle. "Alright...Hyunjin. Truth or dare?"

Hyunjin takes a moment to decide. "Dare."

Jisung, however, doesn't take long to choose a dare. "You should kiss Y/N."

You feel like everything slows down immediately, as if you're suddenly completely sober. All four pairs of eyes are on you, looking you up and down—including Hyunjin's.

You meet his gaze right back.

"You don't have to, you know," Chan reminds Hyunjin (and the rest of the group). "You can always take the shot instead."

Hyunjin's eyes haven't left yours. "I know."

You think you'd probably be panicking internally if you were sober—this is only the second time you've seen Hyunjin, and you were decidedly much less tipsy the first time you'd met. Not to mention the fact that he's practically Adonis reincarnated—you'd have to be blind to not notice the sharp cut of his jawline or the fullness of his lips.

But you aren't sober now—and that's probably what gives you the courage to take a step closer to him. The rest of the group practically melts away when he cups a hand under your jaw, tilting your head up to press his lips to yours in a brief kiss—hardly more than a peck, really, but you're brought back to Earth by the cacophony of cheers from the men around you, taking a step back as Hyunjin lets go of your jaw, both of you grinning sheepishly.

Your eyes flicker past Hyunjin, to the man right behind him, and your blood practically runs cold when you see the look in Changbin's eyes—the quiet kind of anger you've only ever seen on him a handful of times.

You suddenly feel a twinge of guilt—why? There's no reason for you to be thinking about him. There's no reason for you to feel guilty about doing anything without his permission, for Christ's sake—you couldn't be less involved if you tried. And yet, you think about that inexplicable emotion in his eyes, that clench of his jaw with his hands in his pockets, for long after the party ends.

~~~

This is stupid, you think.

Changbin's ignoring you. There's not a doubt in your mind.

You'd been meeting Changbin at least once a week for food or studying before that party—he'd text you or you'd text him. It's been three weeks since that now-infamous party, since your barely-there-kiss with Hyunjin, and there's been nothing from Changbin. Complete radio silence.

You tell yourself you don't care. You've gotten by for three whole years since high school with scarcely a thought about the man. Surely you can carry on now without seeing him every now and then.

You don't care. You don't.

Which is definitely why you practically jump out of your seat when his name pops up at the top of your notifications.

s.c

> you going to jisung's tonight?

y/n

< hadn't planned to lol. is something happening?

s.c

> we're doing a movie night

> i told him to text you like a week ago lmao

You could've told me, you think. You're reminded of the feeling you'd had at that first frat party where you'd seen Changbin, almost three months ago now—you knew as well as you knew your own name then that you should have said no when he asked you to come over.

s.c.

> you coming? it's at 8

You should say no this time.

y/n

< yeah, i'll see you there

~~~

Changbin's friends are, to put it nicely, absolutely terrible chefs.

Chan and Jisung had meant to make pizza rolls for the group, using the oven they were so happy to have in the apartment to feed their friends with. Once everyone comes over, however, the rolls are all but forgotten in the commotion of six people talking in the apartment all at once—at least, until Hyunjin suddenly smells something in the kitchen, he says. Something really bad.

Both Chan and Jisung let out an anguished yell at the same time—"the pizza rolls!—" but it's far too late for the blackened, melted orbs in the oven that were once frozen rolls. 

There's only a few other things the boys keep in the pantry that you could even consider edible—which is how you find yourself on the couch a few hours later, a bowl of stale popcorn on your lap and a half-empty bottle of water in the other.

Half the men had fallen asleep in the middle of the first movie, and the rest had dozen off somewhere in the second. You're the only person awake to catch the end of the trilogy, but you find that you don't really mind, even if it's a movie you've seen once or twice before. There's something impossibly and almost beautifully serene in the moment—five other men around you, who have been some of the loudest people you've ever met, all perfectly quiet and asleep, empty bags of chips and candies strewn around them on the other couches and armchairs. It's an unusual scene, but it's one that you find yourself comfortably content in anyway.

Once the movie's over, you tell yourself you're going to go home, letting the TV go on autoplay as it selects another random movie to begin as you slowly rise up from the couch, trying your utmost not to disturb any of the sleeping men in the room.

At least, you'd thought they'd all been asleep.

A hand clasps at your wrist as you move to stand.

You look down. "Changbin?" you whisper, sitting back down as slowly as you can. "I thought you were asleep."

He shakes his head, moving to sit up beside you on the couch. "I've been awake for a bit. That movie bored me half to death."

You laugh quietly. "I didn't think it was that bad. Not like that stupid space series you used to be so fond of, though."

Changbin gasps, clutching his chest in mock offense. "I can't believe this, Y/N. We're too different these days," he says, laughing. "We used to be so similar."

There's a pang in your heart at those words. You had been so similar, once. There was a time, albeit a brief one, where you did everything together, and it had felt so right. Like you'd been meant to do so.

He grins, continuing. "I'm glad we're friends again."

A soft smile flies to your lips before you're even aware of it. "I'm glad we are, too."

You sit in that moment of contentment with him for just a moment too long, or maybe not long enough, before you feel it shift. You're suddenly aware of his hand on your knee—when did it get there?—but his eyes are still locked on yours. You find that you aren't entirely surprised at all when his free hand comes up to cup your chin and his lips press to yours, softly. Hesitantly. And when he pulls back again, waiting to see if you shove him off of you, to stand up and walk away like you know you should, but you don't, you aren't surprised when he kisses you again, deeper this time, because this feels right, too. Like you'd known he was going to do this all along.

You curl your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck as you kiss him back, and the soft sound of a groan into your mouth at your actions makes you feel far prouder than you probably should. In return, he squeezes at your knee, sliding his hand up your thigh to rest at your waist as you maneuver against him, practically sitting in his lap at this point.

The kisses turn more intense quickly, neither of you stopping until you're both left gasping against each other's lips, Changbin kneading at the skin of your waist reassuringly. But you don't miss the way his eyes flicker down to the waistband of your jeans, slowly moving a hand to gently rest over the button. "Is this okay?" he whispers, his warm breath cascading over your lips and making you shiver all the way from the top of your spine down. You know what he's asking.

But you know you shouldn't. For fuck's sake—there are four other men in the room, fast asleep on different couches and the floor, and you don't think you could ever look any of them in the eye again if they woke up to Changbin fucking you at what was supposed to be a movie night with friends. "Changbin," you start. "I don't know if we're—"

He guesses how the end of your sentence was going to go. "Hey," he reassures you. "If you want to, this doesn't have to be anything. No strings," he says, mimicking a pair of scissors cutting with the hand not currently resting on your stomach.

That hadn’t been what you’d meant, but you wish he'd said something like that when you'd known him back in high school. You should've known back then that Seo Changbin has never wanted an actual relationship with you—not in the way that you want. Used to want.

No, your mind corrects. Look at how quickly he's wrapped you around his finger again. You absolutely still want him, regardless of what had happened in the past—there's no point in lying to yourself anymore. Maybe it'll be different this time.

You know that's a mistake to think. It has to be. But the way you feel is the truth—a part of you has hoped, since that fateful moment in the parking lot nearly four years ago, now, that you'd end up in this exact situation, with Changbin wanting you again. You've tried to lie to yourself for years. But you still know this isn't healthy.

You kiss him as an answer anyway.

~~~

You'd thought it had been easy to fall into a friendly routine with Changbin before, fitting into each other's schedules to study or watch movies like you'd made your schedules for each other. Falling into a friends-with-benefits routine is almost easier—he eats you out before class, or you suck him off after an exam he'd been particularly worried about, or the two of you fuck in between note-taking sessions. It works surprisingly well, and you think again that this is the only way you and Changbin seem to be able to work. And you're happy with that, even if you can't stop that ping in your heart every time he leaves almost immediately after cleaning the two of you up.

Your roommate catches him walking out one day as she returns to your apartment from class, and you wince at the thought of having to explain whatever the hell you and Changbin are—you hope she'll find it slightly awkward and just avoid the subject altogether.

You have no such luck.

Saori raises an eyebrow before gesturing to the door behind her. "Who was that?"

"Changbin," you say plainly, as if that explains anything. "He's a friend from high school."

She stares at you for a beat too long. "Just a friend?"

You take a moment too long to answer, and she immediately crosses the room to plop on the couch next to you. "Spill. Now."

And you do—you think you may have needed to tell someone about all of this a long time ago, because it seems like once you start, you can't stop, seemingly talking for hours.

The only time Saori interrupts you is at the end—she can tell you just need to vent. "So...why do you like this guy, again?"

You almost laugh, but you think the fact that it takes you a moment to think of an answer is telling in and of itself. "I...I always looked up to him in high school. I still do now—he's so talented, and smart, and funny, and it feels like a miracle that he wants to keep someone like me around."

She frowns at that. "Someone like you?' Y/N, you're one of the most talented, smartest, and funniest people I know. You've got everything this guy has and then some. Why are you so convinced he's out of your league?"

That is something you don't have an answer for. "I think I'm just happy to have him around at all, whatever that means."

Her eyes widen with concern. "Y/N...there's no way you don't hear how that sounds." She lets out a shallow laugh. "He's funny and cool, maybe, but he's still just a guy. Come on. You deserve better than someone who just gets to pick and choose when you get to do anything. Having a friend with benefits is one thing, if it's truly 'no strings attached,' but it's not, is it?" she asks softly. "I don't think it's ever been."

You wish you had an answer for you why'd become so fixated on Changbin—why you were willing to let him treat you this way, why you were so willing to let him be oblivious to your feelings. But you don't have one. Your heart had picked him a long time ago, and it's refused to let go ever since. Affection apparently does ridiculous things to people, after all. "So...should I tell him? How I feel?"

Saori licks her lips nervously. "I think so. I think you should cut off the friends-with-benefits for sure—it's not fair to either of you since you're obviously on different pages about it. And you deserve someone better who won't just look past how you obviously feel."

You know she's right. You know what it is that you have to do.

You just don't know if you can do it.

~~~

Changbin texts you the next day that's he's coming over to work on homework. Of course, you know what that's code for (sitting between his legs while he reworks the same song for the seemingly thousandth time), but you're convinced you can tell him what you need to tell him, that it's time to end this weird, vicious cycle you've wrapped yourselves in because of your own feelings. At least, you hope you can.

But you can tell something is different from the moment he walks in the door to your apartment—there's a strangeness in the way he's carrying himself, in the set of his shoulders that you know you've never seen from him before.

You try to discard the observation, attributing it to your own nerves about the situation as he sets his backpack down beside the coffee table and pulls out his laptop, offering you a brief smile before getting to work.

You let him work in silence for a bit, going through your own pages of notes to summarize what you need to for the essay that's due next week, but you can't focus on any of it in the slightest, the words on the pages all swirling around in your mind and combining into one massive mess at the forefront of your thoughts.

You set down your notes, clearing your throat to speak just as Changbin takes his headphones off and sets them aside on the couch. "Y/N," he starts, shifting in his seat. "Do you mind if we talk for a minute?"

You nod, maybe too quickly. "Yeah, I—I actually wanted to talk to you today, too."

He nods. "Okay—great. I, um—there's no easy way to say this, is there?"

You feel a lump forming in your throat. No way.

"I...I'm not sure if we should do...this," he says, gesturing with one hand at the space in between the two of you, "anymore. It's completely my fault—I think I've made it to be something in my head that it's not. If you're okay with going back to being friends, that's fine, but if you're not, I'd totally understand, too."

You don't know what to say. You're in shock, frankly, and you feel like your mouth may even be comically hanging open.

He's breaking off the friends-with-benefits. He wouldn't even let you have the moment of getting to decide it for yourself.

The haze that you've felt over your mind about Changbin for the past several months finally, finally evaporates—you see your emotions clearly for the first time. You feel like a shaken-up bottle of soda, and his words are the catalyst that finally flick the cap off.

You speak, finally. "I'm sorry—you're breaking it off? You think this is unhealthy?" You scoff. "You've got to be fucking joking."

Changbin frowns. It's obviously not the response he thought he was going to get from you. "Y/N, I—"

You don't let him finish. "Changbin, I...I've been practically head over heels for you since high school. I let you treat me however you wanted because for whatever reason, my stupid brain picked you, of all people, to fixate on. I was fine with just being friends. I was fine with being your occasional fling, all because I just wanted to be around you—and you're the one who thinks this is unhealthy?" You let out a short laugh. "You're right. It is. And I should've seen that a long, long time ago. So if anyone's calling this thing off, it's me."

Changbin stares at you for a long, long time—you almost keep going with what you've said before, just to break the uncomfortable silence you've created, before he opens his mouth to speak again. "You...you've liked me? Since high school?"

You throw your hands in the air in exasperation. "Yes!" you say. "I thought that was obvious."

He slowly shakes his head from side to side. "Y/N....I thought you'd hated me, after how fucking immature I was senior year."

You let out a sigh. "I wanted to. Believe me, I really, really wanted to—but I didn't. I was mad at you for a while, sure, but I've never hated you."

Changbin's eyes still haven't left yours. "I...Y/N, the reason I wanted to call this off is because I like you. I didn't say anything because I didn't dare think you could ever feel the same way after how stupid I was in high school, just treating you as a rebound when you deserve so much better than that. I was surprised that you were okay being friends with benefits, but I never let myself think you'd ever want anything more than that."

It takes you a long time to process everything he's just said. "...What?" you whisper. You think about how long you've wanted him to say something like that—you wonder if this is all a dream. Is it something you really still want to hear from him? "Changbin, I was going to call off the friends-with-benefits today because I'm tired of liking you and not doing anything about it. I...I never would have ever guessed that you felt the same way." You let out a nervous laugh as you shake your head in disbelief. "Why are we so fucking bad at being honest with each other?"

Changbin lets out an uneasy laugh too. "I don't know. I just didn't want to fuck this up—I like you too much for that. I didn't ever want to push you past what you were comfortable with, but I...I guess I still did. Y/N—I'm so, so sorry."

You can't believe this. You really can't—but this is real. Changbin's sitting in front of you, right now, and he's saying something you never thought you'd hear him say in your entire lifetime. "What about back in high school?" you ask, trying to keep the sudden nervousness out of your voice. "When you told me you didn't think this would work, that you'd moved on from your ex too quickly...dammit, Changbin, why did you do anything to begin with?"

He winces. "Y/N—I should have apologized for that a long time ago. I pushed you away from me back then because I was scared. I was eighteen, and an idiot, and I'd just gotten out a relationship that had lasted way too long and...and I was falling for you. Really fast. And that scared me, so the only thing I could think to do was push you away where I couldn't hurt you."

You take in his words for a moment. You think about how you would have done anything for him to say something like that three years ago—but maybe that was immature, too. Is he different now? Are you? Certainly—but clearly neither of you are any better at communicating how you feel, too afraid to step on the other's toes.

You let out another sigh, your breath still shaky. "This is...insane, honestly. I wish we could just start over, somehow—undo whatever the hell this is that we've gotten ourselves into."

He nods. "I...I think we can do that. If that's something you want—I'd be more than willing to try."

You laugh. "Changbin, I really—"

But you look down to see Changbin's outstretched arm pointing towards you before you can say anything else. "Hi," he says. "My name's Changbin. I like you."

You stare at his hand in utter disbelief—disbelief that he's doing this, disbelief that the two of you have gotten to this point that you never thought you'd get to—for only a moment before you clasp his hand in yours. "I'm Y/N," you say, decidedly. "I like you too."

It seems stupidly comical for the situation you've found yourselves in—but you both dissolve into laughter within an instant, mostly out of relief. "God, Y/N," Changbin says, running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. If you can forgive me for being so stupid, I...I'll be amazed, honestly, but—I promise I'll be better. I'll do everything I can to be better."

You take a deep breath. "I need to be better, too," you say honestly. "I should've been upfront about how I felt so we didn't get into this mess of trying not to make the other person uncomfortable, even if we both felt the same way. If...if you want to try again, I'll do everything I can to be better, too."

Changbin nods. "I...I think you deserve better than me," he says, swallowing uneasily.

He's probably right. "I know," you say, and his expression doesn't change. "But for whatever reason, I don't want better than you. I still just want you."

The relief in his eyes is palpable as he lets a small, soft smile appear on his lips at your words. "Y/N...I know we just met," he says, his smile growing slightly wider at his own joke, "but—can I kiss you?"

You smile at him, too. "So forward," you tease, biting back a smile. "But yes, man I just met—you can kiss me."

That grin widens ever so slightly before he cups your cheek with his palm, leaning in to press his lips to yours. He kisses you, but it doesn't feel at all like that kiss you'd shared in Jisung's living room—rather, the soft touch of his lips to yours feels like that first kiss you'd ever had with him, on the couch of your childhood home, where you'd been so hopeful of what the future with him held.

You know that was foolish, now—but that was then. Now, that you're both older, better, smarter (maybe), determined to make a change and actually tell each other the things you feel when you feel them—you feel a new kind of hope for what you could have with Changbin.

Regardless of that, you still can't believe that you'd psyched yourself up last night to break your friends-with-benefits situation off with him, and now you're kissing him softly on your couch. "This doesn't feel real," you admit to him.

He grins at you. "It's real."

You shake your head, biting back a grin. "I don't believe you."

Changbin laughs at that. "You don't believe me? Damn. I guess I'll have to do something to make you believe this is real, then," he says, crashing his lips against yours again, gently winding his fingers through your hair and pulling you close to him, and he doesn't pull back away until both of you are gasping for breath.

"Well?" he asks, and you'd almost forgotten about what you'd started. "Did that feel real?"

You smile coyly, shaking your head. "No," you whisper. "I think I'm going to need a little more convincing than that."

You practically see the switch flip in his head when he finally, finally catches your meaning. "Hmm," he says, pretending to mull it over. "Let me see what I can do about that." Before you can blink, he's slid one hand under your knees and the other around your shoulders, lifting you into his arms with ease before he makes his way into your bedroom, tossing you haphazardly onto your bed before he crawls beside you, meeting your lips once more.

This is already decidedly different, and it warms your heart instantly—he’s only been in your room once or twice before, anyway. Your hookups before have almost always been in less-than traditional places, somewhere the two of you could get off quickly and hide the evidence quicker—a couch, his desk, that one time against the wall—but this is different. It's a small, minute difference, but it's practically night and day to you. It's a sign that this might be different.

So you kiss him back again, holding tighter to his arms above you as his hands slide down your body to tug at your hips. You feel him laugh softly when you shiver at the feeling of his hands on you, but his hands hover at the hem of your shirt—an unspoken question, but you know what he's asking. You take hold of his wrists and guide his hands under your shirt, and both of you let out a moan that feels positively electric as his hands skim your bare skin, running their way up to your chest and gently cupping, circling your nipples with his thumb before you tilts your head back against the pillow behind you, sighing into his mouth.

Changbin moves one of his hands out from under your shirt, feeling your breath on his fingers when he cups your chin with two fingers and brings your gaze back to his. "You're so beautiful, Y/N," he says.

He’s said this before, but you’ve never looked at each other this way, or for this long. There’s meaning behind what you feel now, not just unspoken hopes behind empty words, and that’s why your face flushes pink at his words, enough to bring a wider smile to his face at the reaction.

You lean your head to the side enough to kiss the inside of his wrist before he pulls his arm away. “You’re beautiful too, you know,” you say, and he grins back at you as his hands trail back down to the hem of your shirt, playing with the fabric gently. When he tugs it over your head, you let him, and you yank at the collar of his own shirt before he’s laughing, pulling his own shirt off to join yours on the floor beside your bed, just like how both of your pants and underwear follow until you’re both bare before each other—which, again, shouldn’t be anything new for either of you. It isn’t, frankly, but there is something new in the atmosphere, and you know he feels it too. There’s none of your usual hurriedness to disrobe each other, to get everything started as soon as possible so it can be over as soon possible, too—instead, his hands on yours are unbearably tender, rubbing over the skin of your arms, legs, and stomach softly like it’s the first time he’s ever touched you. You’re vulnerable underneath him in a way you’ve never been before—he knows your heart, now, and you know his.

He doesn’t stop the tender touches, squeezing reassuringly at your hips while he gives soft bites to the skin of your thighs, smoothing over the skin with his tongue before moving to where he knows you want him—where you need him. You shiver just at the feeling of his breath between your legs, and you know he can feel it when he smirks up at you. “You okay?” he asks teasingly.

You roll your eyes. “I should be, unless you keep taking your sweet time down—ah!” You cut yourself off inadvertently when he lays the flat of his tongue against you, licking one long stripe up your slit.

You feel him laugh quietly against you, the vibrations of his voice against your cunt enough to make you squeeze your thighs together, but he’s wrapping both arms around both your legs and pushing them further apart before you can even protest.

You cry out when he moves ever so slightly further upward, sucking hard at your clit that doesn’t take him any time at all to find, now—he knows your body so well, even if his hands on your skin are as gentle as if it’s your first time. It’s not long before he lets go of one of your thighs, moving a hand down so he can slip a finger, then two beside his tongue, pushing and curling in and out at an achingly slow pace to get you to beg for him—and you do.

“Ngh—Changbin,” you pant, grasping the ends of his hair in your hand. “Please.”

He increases the speed of his fingers ever so slowly as he pulls his mouth away from you, breath ghosting over your pussy. “You want me to make you come, sweet girl?”

You shake your head. You’ve never said no to him before, that’s for sure, but you can’t wait any longer. You need him inside of you—now. “Want you,” you manage to get out. “Need you inside of me.”

Changbin lets out a deep exhale. “Fuck, Y/N,” he groans as he pulls himself above you. “You really always know what to say.”

You very nearly laugh at that before you see him stroking himself once, twice, taking his bottom lip in his teeth with a hiss at the sight of you before lining his member up with your entrance. It’s a stretch you’ve grown accustomed to, certainly, but it still burns slightly as he pushes into you, watching your face when he finally bottoms out, hips against yours while he waits for you to tell him he can move.

You nod, wordlessly, and he leans down to land a quick kiss to your nose before he finally, finally starts to move inside of you. He starts at that same teasing pace as before, obviously enjoying the look of frustration on your face as you grasp at his shoulders. “What is it, Y/N?” he asks sweetly, grinning at you while he slowly fucks into you.

“‘Bin,” you gasp out when he just barely misses that spot inside of you that usually makes you see stars—and you know he’s doing it on purpose, too. Bastard. “Fuck me. Please.”

You see his grin drop almost immediately, clenching his jaw at your words and the nickname that you know drives him wild. “Baby,” he starts, grabbing a hold of the sheets on either side of your head as he starts fucking into you faster, rolling his hips into you the way he knows you like. “If you ask like that, I’ll never say no.”

Just the sight of him like this has you near the edge—none of that usual hurried nature, his eyebrows knit together as he tries to focus on being quiet enough so the two of you can make it last as long as possible—no, now he’s looking at you like you’re the only person in the world, like you hung the stars in the sky, the same stars that you see in his adoring eyes now.

You can only take so much of his beautifully intense gaze, though, paired with the bruising pace he starts to keep up between your legs, and you turn your head to the side in an attempt to muffle your moans against the pillow beside you.

Changbin, of course, will have absolutely none of that. He lets go of the sheets on one side to grab your chin again, tilting your head back towards his face, keeping you you from looking away. “Nuh-uh,” he chides, tightening his grip on your chin ever so slightly. “Let me see your pretty face like this, while you’re being so good for me.”

You let out another moan at his words, especially when he moves his other hand down to draw tight, slick circles on your clit. “Fuck,” you gasp, digging your fingers into his shoulders, pulling him as close to you as you can manage. “Feels so good—Changbin—”

He’s heard that warning tone in your voice enough to know what it means. “Feels so good for me too, baby—shit. I can’t believe I get to have you like this,” he groans as you tighten around him. “All mine.”

You are his—have been for probably longer than either of you knows. So you nod. “I’m yours,” you repeat, and you think his eyes nearly darken immediately at the admission. He swallows, nodding too.

“Mine.”

The sound of his skin slapping against yours fills the room, as crude as ever, but you can’t find it in yourself to care, no, not as his deft fingers speed up their ministrations against your clit while he continues to fuck you as hard as he can, coiling that pleasure below your stomach into a tight knot until you finally feel it snap with a cry of his name, shuddering as you arch your back against him—and Changbin isn’t far behind you, grabbing one side of your waist hard enough that you know you’ll have marks tomorrow as he thrusts back into you three, four more times before he reaches his own climax, stilling inside of you.

For a brief instant, you halfway expect him to pull out, clean the two of you up quickly, and leave for his own apartment the way he has before—but he doesn’t. Changbin lies there, on top of you with his forehead pressed lightly to yours, him softening inside of you for a few beautiful, quiet moments—at least, until you think you might stop breathing if he doesn’t get off of you. You shove at him lightly, but he gets the message, grinning against you before he rolls over to one side, keeping an arm slung around you while he gazes at the ceiling, the both of you slowly catching your breath in gradual exhales.

Now this, certainly, is different. You’d never let yourself lay in the afterglow with him like this, too afraid of the conclusions your hopeless romantic brain would draw if you let him hold you as you both came down from your highs, but he never stayed around very long afterwards, either. Now you know it may have very well been for the same reason.

He kisses the crown of your hair before pulling back to meet your gaze once more. “What are you doing tomorrow night?”

You almost feel like you’ve gotten whiplash from the question, seemingly coming out of nowhere. “What?”

Changbin’s grin widens slightly. “Can I take you out? On a real date? If you…you know, still want to try this.”

Oh. You laugh softly, feeling every worry you’ve had dissipate like a puddle under the warm sun. “Yes, Changbin. I’ll go out with you.”

He makes a show of wiping imaginary sweat from his brow. “Thank goodness.”

You continue to lay there, gazing at each other in an unbelievably loving way for longer than you could have ever anticipated Changbin to have the patience for—but you don’t feel uncomfortable under that gaze at all, occasionally moving a hand to comb through his hair as he strokes a thumb over your cheek.

You suppose you have no real way of knowing if this will be better than how your relationship with Changbin has been before—he’s said he’ll be better. You’ve said you’ll be better. What else can you go off of? All you can do, you think, is hope that you—the both of you—are better. That you’ll both do better for each other. It’s what you both deserve.

And as you feel his heartbeat slow down against you, his hands gently stroking the small of your back while he holds you as close to his chest as he can, you feel more optimistic about your chances of this—this beginning, the ending of the old chapter and the start line of a decidedly new one—occurring than you have in a long, long time.

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