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roe-and-memory · 2 months

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MACK HEADCANONS PLZZZ

OF COURSE!!

mack is seriously one of my favourite side characters. i literally adore him SO much

- i think mack has like. 5 sisters. and hes the oldest and only boy of all of the siblings. this is a hc roe and i have had for a while, he just has such oldest brother of the family vibes but also like hes so gentle as if he grew up with sisters. i can imagine him, 17, the second oldest being somewhere around 11 or 12, and theyve convinced him to bake cupcakes with him. hes got his mothers pink apron on, hes doing all the work, while his sisters are hanging off of him and playing with their toys all over the kitchen floor. he couldnt bake for shit, but anything for his baby sisters

- adding onto above, i dont think he did too much in school. his mother worked two jobs and his father was away a lot on business trips, so he very willingly and very happily took care of his younger sisters 24/7. and im not saying his parents were neglectful - not at all. i think his parents worked hard to take them on trips and keep them afloat. the did family trips as many times a year as they had the chance to and their parents made sure the kids knew they were loved.

- AMAZING driver. hes been driving since he was young, and he can maneuver his hauler better than most other drivers. both his parents contributed to teaching him how to drive, and they both gave him their separate tips and tricks, so he is quite literally the collective bunch of his parents driving habits all in one.

- he left to work for rusteze as a truck driver when he was around 22/23, when the second oldest sibling was old enough to hold down the fort. a lot of his extra cash went to his family back home, but he stayed on the road.

- not too interested in relationships, he’s always been kind of held down and its nothing against his family but now he likes the freedom of home being on the road

- his truck (1985 mack superliner) was his grandfathers cab. he bought it brand new and never used it much, trucking ran in his family (even his father was a trucker before he met macks mother and settled down), so his grandfather gave him the cab for free as a gift one year and he’s used it and kept it in tip-top shape ever since

- lightning is like that little brother he never had. he found the kid at a truck stop, a distressed fifteen year old looking to get out of town (he was running away from home) and saved him from getting his shit rocked by some pissed off old guy because he’d asked for two dollars for chips and the guy took a personal offence to it. mack literally felt sick at the idea that this kid was out this far from the city alone. lightning had WALKED from henderson to vegas to see the race, and then just decided he wasnt going home. mack was so heartbroken because the thought of one of his sisters ever being in the situation that this kid is in right now made his stomach churn. the kid had begged to go with him, and mack felt so guilty he said yes. he initially tried to take the kid somewhere safe, like a home for kids or something, but lightning was quite content to stay, and it felt like having a little brother around and it was Different (mack checked the news every day for any missing child reports and Nobody reported lightning missing. it literally destroyed mack emotionally because How do u not report ur own child missing when he leaves and doesnt return.)

- his truck has bunk beds since its a sleeper cab and he let lightning decorate his bunk with posters and those glow in the dark stars and literally anything the kid wanted he could plaster on the walls and mack did not care. this also included a bunch of stickers, because oh Lord that boy is obsessed with little stickers

- mack had no idea how to bond with lightning considering he himself had grown up being forced to play barbies with his little sisters (they would try to make him be evil ken but then they’d get mad because he was too nice. he got to play as the dollhouse dog instead) whereas lightning grew up with Nothing. lightning didnt really know how to interact with toys without feeling ridiculous because he’d been conditioned to believe toys were for Babies. mack eventually gave up trying to guess what lightning liked and just took him to a toys r us, where lightning Immediately found a stuffed dinosaur he liked and got like 2 hot wheels cars and then proceeded to profusely apologize for wasting macks money on such stupid stuff. mack did not give af, as long as his little brother was happy he was ok

- he gave lightning his first ever hug. before that not a Single person had ever hugged that child and mack was so sad to learn it because how do parents go 15 years without ever hugging ur own flesh and blood

- he taught lightning how to drive in a field with the truck during break days, and realized the kid’s potential and signed him up for late model stock races after a bit of talking. rusty and dusty also took an interest in racing at this point, and allowed mack to carry the kids late model stock car in the truck (they figured out a way for him to get both product and the car in the truck, and conveniently every delivery was for the city lightnings next race was in)

- hes kept all of lightnings late model stock trophies, the kid was a real good winner even back then and he’s even got photos that photographers had taken of the wins when little 15 year old lightning mcqueen was standing on the roof of his car holding his trophy above his head with the biggest smile in the world plastered on his face (those wins were like the proudest big brother moments ever until he got into the piston cup)

- hes a MASSIVE harv hater but hes too nice to say it. when doc starts expressing his own dislike for harv, mack starts talking to him about it and they bond over the fact they hate that man so fucking much that they end up managing to get him fired

- during the piston cup off season he goes back to delivering product for rusteze

- even though lightnings older now he still sees him as a younger brother

i think this is it.. THANK U FOR THE ASK!!! i love talking about mack :3

#cars 2006 #cars fandom #lightning mcqueen #pixar cars #cars headcanons #memory’s headcanons #cars 3 (2017)#doc hudson #mack cars #like u cant tell me mack isnt older brother coded #theres no other dynamic #hes just so big brother its so sweet #him giving lightning his first ever hug makes me Violent like why did no one ever hug him before #my favourite siblings :(

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sadhornydemons · 19 minutes

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Rapid-Spoiler-Season-Speculation: Apology Tour/Ghostf*ckers

Caution: some references are made to other spoilers, so proceed with caution if you wish to avoid.

Apology Tour:

Alright, I'll admit, this episode I think I understand the least, so I'm sure I'm completely off the mark in even attempting to make sense of it.

Cake will be served, and it's clown Blitz version. Heart on an item in the back, heart on the knife. How many years has it been and she's still obsessed?

WHATEVER this is, Blitz didn't just stumble into it, I wonder if some type of invitation got him there.

Blood/red stained sheet for unknown reasons.

I think I'm the only one who preferred the earlier design, but guess I just have a type.

WHAT. DA. FUCK.

Yeah, of course, this is when my imagination starts churning.

Did Stolas reach just the perfect amount of drunk before his Spotify breakup playlist reached Olivia Rodrigo, causing him to throw on last year's Halloween costume and portal himself to his ex so he could express himself properly?

No, Stolas had an entire stage prop production prepared. That or we haven't seen the full extent of his magic conjuring abilities.

(same outfit, I'm keeping my eye on the spiked collar 'cause it's new to his wardrobe)

I don't know what could bring this on. At first, I thought it was a dream sequence, but the spiked collar turns up in a later scene. Maybe I just haven't accepted that my fav character could be an asshole?

Screenshots of Blitz, sheet is now a hoodie, we really don't know what he's looking at in this particular scene.

I don't think this is a full scale concert, though. Probably more of a private event. Maybe Verosika was planning a gathering of the 'We Hate Blitzo' fanclub, but Stolas was the only one to RSVP.

If it is, a public concert, I mean, I can just imagine the headlines:

Prince Stolas shocks audience members by appearing as the opening act in Verosika Mayday's concert, preforming his original ballad, 'Imp Dicks Aren't Worth the Heartbreak'.

And if it is a regular event, there's the possibly Blitz attended on purpose..to apologize about things? (hence the title) I don't know, it just all seems too weird.

As poster bleucaesura noted, Stolas is on his couch in this scene. The red stained sheet, presumably with Blitz under, stand before him. Stolas's collar is spiked, so this seems to happen after the musical number.

This is mainly all the info we have this episode, but looking ahead to future ones, I'm thinking this is gonna conclude the majority of the Stolitz angst. Or at least the current ones.

As many have noted, this season has been following a pattern of focusing on, and occasionally resolving Blitz's relationship problems. Unhappy Campers introduced Barbie properly, adding more details to the fire incident. Oops and Mammon's Magnificent Musical Mid-Season Special added to that by focusing on him and Fizz. Full Moon and Apology Tour seem to be based around Stolas and then both Stolas and Verosika, fitting since it's comparing people from his love life.

Hence, I believe the next episode will instead prioritize Blitz's relationship with M&M:

Ghostfuckers:

The IMP mobile is totaled and appears spray painted. Therefore, guessing this scene must take place first:

But what would cause "a life on the run", as Blitz puts it, unless he wasn't completely serious?

And I'm not sure if the hooded folks, "Come out, we've got your surrounded." scene was edited in before this or not.

There are those clouds in the background and it seems to call for a more scary scene, or at least until he checks his watch.

(actually those could all take place in previous episode or the ones to come, for all we know!)

Blitz wears a bad disguise rather than using an asmodean crystal. We could read too much into that because maybe Blitz just LIKES coming up with disguises, but in other spoilers, we see Loona using a book for portals.

The enemy is doing bad things to the character's mental health, bringing about their worse fears. In reference to Blitz, I wonder if this is this is where those scenes come into play:

Interesting how it's edited like Blitz watching a filmstrip of his life, complete with a decorative frame.

Shown in a different style, I wonder if this flashback will also be used:

And, (if my earlier theory is wrong), this has to appear somewhere:

We see a flashback to a younger, longer hair Millie (not unlike her wedding photo):

(and it looks like outside a ship? Hey, maybe pirates really did have port windows!)

Which may be used to match up with this fight:

This, however, is hopefully, just another hallucination:

Okay, for the rest of this episode, one can't really speculate because the (looks both ways cautiously) storyboards leaked last year reveal a good chuck of the action and dialogue. So without getting TOO into that, for those who want to avoid getting too spoiled, I'll conclude this episode may turn out to be a fun, scary, but with admittedly triggering subjects, that showcase Blitzø's messy and occasionally obsessive relationship with Moxxie and Millie.

...and possibly new issues with Loona? Something is hinted out, but I might get into THAT speculation in the last two episodes.

#helluva boss #helluva boss spoilers #stolitz #stolas #blitzø #blitzo #millie helluva boss

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zelkam · 7 months

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tagged by @parsleyroot thank youuuu <333

last song: New Kidz on the Block by ZEROBASEONE because it was on a kpop workout playlist lmao

favorite color: black; but if we're talking color-color then red

currently watching: Jigokuraku, new Bleach season, and also I am attempting One Piece to see how long will I be able to push lmao. also Girl from Nowhere but it's going slowly

currently reading: god so I always have a few books started at the same time and I rotate between them depending on what I feel like in the moment, but for now it's:

1) W kręgu upiorów i wilkołaków [loosely translating to "on ghosts and werewolves"] by Bohdan Baranowski which is a Polish nonfiction about slavic mythology/demonology because I picked it up at the same time as I started playing The Witcher 3 because I thought it would pair well;

2) then I also started Beyond the Wand: The Magic and Mayhem of Growing Up a Wizard by Tom Felton;

3) and then Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb but with this I'm only one chapter in

as you can see I'm mostly a nonfiction girlie hah

last movie: gah I don't remember, I think literally the Barbie movie in the cinema

sweet/spicy/savory: spicy 🔥

relationship status: single

current obsessions: hmmm I got an iPad last week so now I'm playing with it a lot and having fun with setting it up and making it aesthetic with the home screen widgets etc / also I want to get back to drawing and also kind of expand into styles that I was not doing before (like cutesy sticker-like small drawings for example) / then also candle making though I need to order more wax because I'm almost out of it / and then I'm also keeping up with fitness/working out (I started doing it for anxiety relief some months ago and then it became a habit and also I like seeing the results) / crispy chili oil fried egg is my go-to food obsession now

last thing i googled: "instagram change order of highlights" because I was organizing my stories but I wanted them to show chronologically

currently working on: getting comfy with using procreate, I'm also making a poster for a small symposium next week

I'm gonna tag @guangchuans, @mjsakurea, @yilinglaozu

#tag games

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clarydesign2023 · 7 months

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My 20 Elements (for the poster)

My bedroom Wall.

My bedroom wall is a collection of New Zealand artwork that I had ripped out of magazines and brochures to serve as inspiration. I make my art in my bedroom, constantly looking at the walls to get ideas and motivate myself. Physical, tactile inspiration images often stay in my memories for longer and make more of an impact than images on a computer screen.

My collage work (2023).

Collage is a medium that I have been heavily working with since my high school days, as my art teachers would provide me with an enormous resource library of magazines and newspapers in my spare class time. I prefer to use collage to create abstract scenes and landscapes - this one is of a battle between two monsters destroying a city.

Hannah Hoch.

Hannah Hoch is a German Dada artist who primarily used collage to create works about political and social issues. Her work is very inspirational to me and connects with me deeply as we are both German female artists. My mother showed me Hoch’s work when I was a teenager and have been making collage work ever since.

Barbie: Her Life and times.

Barbie: Her life and times by jewellery designer Billy Boy is a book that was given to me by my mother when I was a Barbie obsessed child. The book, which focuses on the designs and history of Barbie’s outfits is what introduced me to and made me fall in love with fashion design at a young age.

Grimes’ Visions.

This electronic album is the perfect background music for when I’m creating art. Since I first heard it in high school, I often have phases of listening to it on repeat for multiple weeks when I’m working on projects because of its calm, ambient nature. It’s no surprise that the songs from this album always land in my top 5 songs for Spotify Wrapped.

Tate Modern’s Pop Life.

The Tate Modern put on a pop art exhibition in 2010 that completely changed my life as a creative when I visited it as it inspired me to be more creative and free with my art making and introduced me to great pop artists such as Andy Warhol and Takashi Murakami. I have this book from the exhibition that I often go back to and read when I need inspiration for my artwork.

Celebrity Tabloid.

As a child I was obsessed with reading gossip magazines and watching celebrity news. The way that celebrities are objectified and exploited by the media is a common topic in my artwork as I feel that the damage that tabloids do to women’s collective mental health is something that needs to be talked about.

Personal Logotype/Tag.

I developed this personal logotype this year to be used as a signature on my artwork. It is my nickname written in graffiti bubble letters and a cat’s face incorporated into the word as cats are my favourite animal and I thought incorporating this would be a fun and playful touch.

Personal Pictorial Logo.

I illustrated this face in 2021 to appear in my artwork and self promotional materials. I have screenprinted this face on to shirts and often post variations of this face to my social media accounts. I believe it is important to have at least one image that is memorable to be attached to my “brand” as a creative.

Digital Camera.

This digital camera was gifted to me when I was 9 years old and I pretty much take it with me everywhere I go. I believe that photos taken on my digital camera are more special than my iPhone camera because I have captured memories from the past 11 years of my life on this camera.

Manga.

Manga is a huge inspiration to my work, as I have been interested in japanese art since 2010 when I saw Takashi Murakami’s work in the Pop Life exhibition. This series in particular, Tokyo Ghoul, was the first physical manga I ever bought and I taught myself how to draw in the manga art style by copying the panels.

Feline Companion.

Gingy is the cat who lives at my flat. She often sits in bed watching me make art and has a very calming presence in my life. I have always had a special connection with cats and find that their calm nature has a positive impact on my mental health and state of mind when I’m stressed about creative deadlines.

Wacom Intuos.

The Wacom Intuos drawing tablet is my artistic weapon of choice. Digital illustration has been my primary medium ever since I was gifted my Wacom as a teenager. As long as my Wacom works, I don’t see myself getting an iPad for illustration as I love how easy it is to use and how natural it feels to draw with it.

Sketchbook.

My sketchbook is my secondary weapon of choice after the Wacom. I have made it a goal to buy at least 1 good quality sketchbook a year and fill the entire book out with illustrations within the year to keep my tangible illustration skills up to scratch. I like to use good quality sketchbooks as I can also incorporate acrylic and watercolour painting in my illustrations.

ZKM Karlsruhe.

ZKM/The Center for Art and Media is the art gallery in my hometown of Karlsruhe, Germany. Every time I visit there, I have to go to ZKM as it has an incredible collection of digital and electronic art and moving image and It is a great way for me to research contemporary art.

Edgar Degas. When I was a child, one of my favourite books was a picture book about The Impressionists and their work. As I was a child who took ballet, Edgar Degas was my favourite Impressionist and his ballet dancers inspired me to learn how to draw human anatomy which greatly developed my art skills.

Takashi Murakami. Takashi Murakami, and his 1997 sculpture Hiropon was the most memorable artwork in the Tate Gallery’s Pop Life exhibition. This sculpture and the rest of his work from the exhibition introduced me to the world of Japanese art and design and I don’t think my work would be as playful, experimental, colourful and fun if I didn’t get to be introduced to his artwork at that time.

My original character (2023). This is a recent digital illustration of my original character named Destinee Foxx. This character is based off celebrities that were written about in tabloids such as Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Pamela Anderson. I often like to draw her in powerful poses or holding weapons as a symbol of female strength and power.

My original character (2020). Pictured is my first painting of Destinee Foxx in 2020, when I was starting to become heavily interested in feminism and the media’s treatment of women. Making this painting is a special memory for me as my girl friends and I sat in a circle around a giant canvas and collaborated on a collective painting, and Destinee was my contribution.

My digital artwork (2022). This artwork was one of the first works that I ever sold. I put it into an exhibition and put it up for sale for $300. I sold it as a painting, but I made a digital version of it so I could keep it forever as I was very proud of myself for creating artwork that somebody would want to purchase.

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vent-blog-procced-with-caution · 10 months

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I'm an autistic w/ fibro who's still trying to fully grasp the concepts ableism and saneism.

I don't want to push my uncomfortable relation to other kids back when i was in school on ableism. It wasn't because others expected the same social clearness of me as everyone else. It was because: I live in the countryside. I went to a small school. I'm a Jehova's witness. With parents who did not get along. With no relatives nearby. With a mother who was: -bossy, -overweight, -had water retention in legs, -diagnosed with depressions, -had cancer 2 times, -had a twin sister who died at 41 -had a mother who died of cancer, -died in her 50s of cancer, -an unaware psychopath. With a father who was dx'd with shizoid PD, which I read only recently, he didn't tell me what PD he has.

I was never just autistic, I was a weirdo in all sortsof ways. My life is strange and inconsistent in logic.

Susanna had 11 siblings, all with biblical names, she was un-self-aware-ly racist & right-leaning; she was homophobic, she didn't like Jehova's witnesses (knew nothing about them). looking back, I was pretty much begging her (and others) to tolerate me. Tolerate my religion, tolerate my fashion choices...

I knew more than them, I was smarter than them. My friendship with Susanna was humiliating.

(one day later)

around sixth grade i started wondering if everyone my age actually thought they were special; smarter than everyone their age; different. Was the only unusual thing about me actually my massive ego?

I knew me first. I thought others were different from me first, not that I was different from them. But I just did me!* It was a slow and maybe long foreshadowed "Oh. Others don't think/care about [...] as much as I do." ...other teenagers just believe what they're told, they just go along with the adults.

Where did all my thoughts come from? Why did I plan out how many toys/ books/ pieces of a specific toy or brand I wanted to own? I plotted my purchases, there had to be even numbers of everything by the end. I had a limit and plan of how many toys/collectibles I wanted. I stopped buying stuff after my planned collection was finished. (Though I started a new collection of brand-new barbies a while later and then 5 EverAfterDolls.) I had a phase of only wanting to go through holes (buildings and playground facilities) a certain amount of even times. I left everything the same way I entered it. I made sure I ate either 2 or 5 pieces of something, or a number that can be divided into packs of 2s and 5s. so any number from 7 up was safe.

I'm thinking about my experiences with echolalia.

I monolouge at the supermarket to be in alignment with what reasons I had for buying something, like what I wanted to use it for, when I planned to eat it, whether I have enough of something at home, if the nutrients are balanced out. I'm very obsessive and badly versed with nutrients. I can't eat cheesecake with nothing, it's not engaging enough in texture, taste or procedure. My parent messed up teaching me about food, I was guilted for eating what THEY had bought. She didn't teach me how to make healthy food, she neglected my food education. Most of what I have to guide me are her standarts for food.

I had weird psychological development, I went from being a baby to noticing I archieve this overhuman enlightment and that i can have this deep understanding i can't explain to Ines

my psycho-sexual fantasy/ traumamixedkink is getting beaten up, hurt, dominated, violated, abused, bullied, pushed around, scared, controlled, restrained, forced. so i can feel pityable? so that i feel the right to pity myself. ; My kink that is rooted deep in my psychology is outsiders getting beaten up and preyed on. I was an outsider, it was painful, i wanted to erase myself - school was traumatizing, i was burnt out, i don't wanna go back to being surrounded by stupid people

*I am a concious being, made choices

hyperactive imagination all my life. speak dialougue out loud for my filly posters and later imagined stories at night in bed or at daytime locked in bathroom. fantasize in bed at night for hours or long periods of time. i at least from 5yrs old on, fantazized about tied up humans, not ppl around me, no, female cartoon characters. cages & bars too. I didn´t tell anyone, i couldnot possibly explain, especially at that age, why i thought, fantasized about that. fetishistic kid. I wanted control when playing with other kids, I didn´t know what they were thinking. and i lived in a small world, i was self-centered.

Sometimes i think, was i a little psychopath as a small child? it creeps me out. Im kept wondering how much of what i experienced is common for kids. There are kooks in this world, one-of-a-kinds, i would really like to meet all of them. I was such a weirdo child. but my life is mundane too, i do unremarkable things. knowing i was the exception among my peers all my life, can´t be seperated from being alive & doing normal stuff, for me. I don´t really know what its like to grow up as an allistic child. I can do things like get out of bed, clean, eat cause they´re morally neutral in relation to my convictions. Posting on tumblr, i still have to figure out if it´s worth it, i mainly write an autobiography for later purposes, and I don´t have a program where i can have all my writing in one place. and making it public is smthng i don´t think about most of the time, its just a meaningless habit.

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dreamerball · 2 years

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my favorite cabin seven headcanons

listen, cabin 7 is a hot mess of chaotic bisexuals, so here are my favorite cabin 7 headcanons (coming from a self-proclaimed child of apollo and member of cabin 7)

1: there's a random hook in the ceiling of cabin seven. new campers have no idea what it's for, but they disregard it as there is a number of weird things in the cabin. however, the first time they attend a party in cabin 7, they realize the hook is for the disco ball apollo gifted the cabin. will takes it down during the day, thinking that chiron doesn't know and that they have to hide it from him, but he absolutely knows.

2: the music. apollo wakes his kids at the crack of dawn, that much is known. however, he does that in his own apollo way by playing music in their heads. sometimes, it's lovely classical music for them to wake up to and be in a good mood. but if he's annoyed by the slightest thing, and lets be real, he gets annoyed very quickly, he will play barbie girl for weeks on end. when that happens, all of the apollo kids will sigh and groan in unison.

3: the playlists. listen, life is a movie and you're the main character. nobody understands that better than apollo, which is why he makes a playlist to gift to his kids whenever they become of age. its 50% disco and the rest is taylor swift, let me tell you that. he also requests that hephaestus makes them all an ipod they can safely use, even if it's sole purpose is for him to share the music he's obsessed with.

4: the rays of sunshine. apollo is known for being a god who likes to be in contact with his children as much as he's allowed to. yet, zeus often forbids him to appear in front of his kids in his human form, so he lets them know that he's listening and paying attention to him whenever they call out to him. he creates a spotlight of sunshine to shine on you whenever you call for him, letting you know that he's there for you and that he loves you very much. the rays of sun are warm and gentle and oh so loving.

5: the posters. every once in a while, a new poster appears on the cork board. the members of cabin seven pretend they don't know where the posters are coming from, but they all know they're from their dad, since the posters always contain hot people who are circled with red sharpie with the text "opinion?". sometimes the text reads "would you like a new sibling?". the cabin members agree that no, they don't.

#pjo #hoo #riordanverse #will solace #apollo #cabin 7 #headcanons

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darnittumbleweed · 4 years

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HC: Reader not telling Spencer she's a singer and him being baffled af when the girls drag him to a concert and she makes an appearance

It wasn’t intentional...keeping your job a secret from him...to be fair you did tell him about part of your job...the vocal coach part...

It was just well people always treated you differently when they found out about your past. A lot of people still recognized you given the fact that the pop group you’d been in through most of your teens and your early twenties had been huge until you’d all inevitably decided to go solo and break up the band.

Ever since then you’d tried to live a more normal life out of the spotlight. You taught vocal lessons and still gave the occasional performance at a coffee shop using just an acoustic guitar and your own songs. It was different from the pop hits you’d once sang, but it felt nice. It felt more true to who you were as an artist.

You didn’t want spencer to treat you differently because of your brush with fame. You didn’t want him to treat you like everyone else who knew about your famous past. You liked him too much to lose him over your past.

Reid and you met at a museum. Your fingers met as you both reached for the same audio guide device to view the exhibits...it was the last remaining audio device given it was a busy day as so many new exhibitions were opening.

Reid being the gentleman he is tried to tell you that you should take it, but You had taken him by shock insisting you share it and enjoy the museum together

Reid and you had a lot of fun and at the end of the day neither of you had been ready to say goodbye so you’d had coffee at a bakery down the street

When your jobs had been brought up you had chosen to omit your famous past from the narrative.

So really You werent lying to Reid....it was just an omission of the entire truth

You wanted to tell him the whole story so many times but you always feared that it would change the dynamic between you and ruin the romance that had blossomed between you.

The chance to do a reunion show with your old music group came up...it was a once in a life time chance and You had decided to take it. It was just one show, it wouldn’t hurt to do one show.

Reid was frustrated that you seemed to have plans tonight. You just said you had a prior commitment when he’d brought up the concert the BAU girls were dragging him to much against his will

He’d hoped having his new girlfriend there would make the concert less painful not to mention it’d be a good chance to introduce you to the women he worked with.

He furrowed his brow staring down at the ticket in his hand the band not even familiar. He hadn’t even had a chance to properly research them given the fact that he’d just got back from a case the day before. He hated going into this blind. “You said this band was a big deal back in the late nineties and early 2000s?”

Garcia nodded her head frantically clearly so excited to be here “so big, I think every teenage girl and probably even some adults across the globe were obsessed. I had like ten of their posters on my wall.”

Emily was fast to speak nodding her head. “I’m surprised you missed them Reid. They were everywhere. I’m pretty sure there were even barbie dolls made of them. You couldn’t turn on the tv without seeing them.”

Reid felt his cheeks flush hating his lack of knowledge in pop culture. “I wasn’t really watching a ton of tv when I was a teenager...I was busy working on my doctorates. I must have not noticed...I mean I tutored a couple of girls in college so maybe they had some posters but I don’t remember.”

JJ gave him an understanding smile as she spoke. “Don’t worry about it Spence. You can learn about them tonight.”

Garcia spoke up moving quicker now that they were getting closer to the main entrance of the venue. “And we have front row VIP tickets too so we’ll be right up there with all the action. I even got us backstage passes so that means autographs and selfies for everyone.”

Reid cringed realizing quickly as the house lights shut off and the music began to pound out of the speakers that front row vip meant being in a loud crowded space standing on a sticky hardwood floor

He didn’t have too much time to mope as the stage lights kicked on the space becoming bathed in pink and purple neon lights

His eyes grew wide as the girls made their way out on stage all dressed to the nines the music booming over the speakers

It couldn’t be?? He had to be dreaming

There on the far left stood his girlfriend.

You didn’t notice him because of course you couldn��t spot him in the crowd. You were too busy hitting all the choreography you’d been rehearsing and making sure you could still sing all the old hits that had made your band famous

Reid watched his jaw dropping his eyes unable to leave you. He had heard you sing before but not in this context

He felt his cheeks flush the dress you were wearing a little more revealing than the usual things you wore

He couldn’t stop watching you as the concert went on his heart swooning with every movement you made and every verse that left your lips

It wasn’t at all his usual choice in music but the words sounded angelic coming from your lips

He barely noticed the concert was over until Garcia grabbed his hand insisting they had to get backstage. It was time for the meet and greet

He felt his cheeks flush darker, if Garcia only knew

You were sweaty and exhausted but did your best to keep your mood peppy as you signed autographs and took selfies. Your mouth was starting to ache from smiling to be honest

Your smile fell as the last person you ever expected to see walked in the room being dragged by three excited women

The girls found themselves distracted by your band mates but of course he made his way to you

You both stepped aside out of earshot from the other’s hoping to have some privacy for your conversation

The words fell from your lips you taking a mile a second trying to explain. “I wanted to tell you everything Spencer I swear I did. I never wanted to keep this from you forever but I just didn’t want you to treat me differently and...”

You didn’t have a chance to keep groveling as Reid spoke that awe struck look still in his eyes. “You were amazing.”

You felt your cheeks flush the words falling from you. “I thought you hate pop music.”

He smiled remembering how he’d once claimed he only liked classical and jazz and found most pop music to just be manufactured and repetitive. He was pretty sure he’d called it unoriginal. His cheeks flushed praying he didn’t insult you by trashing the genre you were apparently part of. “I still don’t like it, but I like your voice.”

You dared to speak almost afraid to hear the answer. “You aren’t mad I didn’t tell you?”

The words that left Reid took your breath away. “I could never be angry with you. I love you.”

The words fell from you it being the first time either of you had said them. “I love you too.”

Your lips met the both of your pouring all the love and passion into the kiss

Neither of you even noticed Reid’s coworkers and your band watching you dumbfounded

And neither of you noticed Garcia’s loud shocked comment nor her phone snapping too many pictures. “Holy crap Reid is kissing Y/N Y/L/N!!!”

#spencer reid #criminal minds #cm hcs #cm headcannons #headcannons

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kaypeace21 · 5 years

Text

Byler hints in the background of s1-3

Honestly, this should just be called- ‘my autistic brain casually (and without even trying) notices shit in the background, but never mentioned it- because I thought it sounded too crazy to talk about’ XD. But the symbolism and Easter eggs give my byler-shipping heart so much life. So I thought, since you guys prob. didn’t notice it- I’ll mention it anyways. So here goes.

Drawings/rainbows

There has been a theme in s3 about how Mike equates ‘falling for girls’ as a part of growing up, and his feelings for Will as something childish that he has to has to grow out of.

- confessing to El : “A feeling … yeah, like, something… like OLD PEOPLE say it sometimes”.

- “And Will too. I was thinking we could all have new presents to play with and *scoffs* Sorry, that made me sound like a 7 year old... (apologizing to El)

- Mike getting in a fight with Will (after d&d), and saying they can’t be close anymore:

Mike says, “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!”, and then he tries to ½ apologize only to say, “I’m not trying to be a jerk. Ok? But We’re not kids anymore.” Explaining, this is just the way things are-boys fall in love with girls, get girlfriends, and this is just a part of growing up (heteronormativity). He tells Will “I mean, what did you think, really? That we were never gonna get girlfriends? We were just gonna sit in my basement all day and play games for the rest of our lives?” And poor Will who is probably more aware of his feelings just responds. “Yeah, I guess I did. I really did.” And of course Mike immediately apologizes for being an “ asshole”, after this.

But here’s the thing! Mike actually does wish he didn’t have to grow up and that he could play games with Will (without girlfriends) for the rest of their lives. His room, in s3, SCREAMS that he’s trying to grow up/act straight... but he can’t let go of his feelings for Will.

He literally takes down his old childhood poster from s1-2 for a more mature/adult poster. But on the same wall (where the old poster used to be) he hasn’t removed a single d&d drawing Will has given him. He’s pretending that he’s grown out of d&d when Lucas is around- because he’s emulating how (the straight) Lucas acted, all season. But Mike has it BAD (and is seriously pinning) for Will! Like, I love Will but his art at 11 years old isn’t so great to justify it still be on Mike’s wall at age 14. He’s just that whipped (and literally can’t part with a single drawing Will has ever given him) XD

Like... it’s cannon that Mike caresses Will’s drawings

He’s that ‘ dumbass blinded by love’ who thinks anything Will’s draws is a perfect- masterpiece. Mike could literally see Will draw scribbles and think it’s amazing! Like in s2 he just guides his hands through the scribbles he drew on the wall- no joke! XD

However, what’s interesting though is the one other things he took down from his wall. In S1 Mike (before he even met El) has a heart sign, with a red heart being propelled by a rainbow. Yet in s3 , the season where he’s ‘obsessing’ about El- it mysteriously disappears. However, in the first ep of s3 when Mike is making-out with El we see a emergence of the heart being propelled by a rainbow (in El’s room) as a drawing. Probably signifying Mike participating in compulsory-heterosexuality and that no matter how hard he tries- he’s not straight!

So given the fact he can’t part with any of the pictures on the wall...you better believe Mike still has that giant binder filled with every drawing Will has given him . And he’s probably hidden it away , with the rainbow heart sign (because he knows it would look suspicious to have laying around).

-Also, Mike literally has more rainbow symbolism than Will (and has had it through every season) XD

-the s2 ref being the most on the nose) Forbidden fruit + rainbow = queer forbidden romance. And during the 80s, that rainbow-apple poster in the AV Club was suspected to be in reference to Alan Turning (the gay ‘father of computers’).

Animal easter eggs that relate to byler and the upside down/supernatural-plot .

tigers- Mike keeps a tiger poster (which was right next to that rainbow-heart sign) in his basement through s1-3. In s1 we see Will also has a tiger drawing, which is later put on the wall (like a poster) in s2. Sara Hopper (like Will ) had her death faked by the government (and had a tiger plushie in s1)- and Kali probably had something to do with it since in the prequel novel ‘suspicious minds’ had Kali talk non stop about her fav animal , tigers. Theory here. But again, Jancy is also connected to tigers as a romantic symbol (just like byler).

sharks- The Duffer brothers themselves said they based the s1 demorgorgan off of sharks, which Nancy even references in s1. Mike and Will have shark iconography in their room/basement. Will has a jaws poster shown in s1-2, and Mike has shark toys visible in s2. The shark (and bear) symbolism hint at the fact that Will created the upside down/demorgorgans/mind-flayer using his powers- theory here.

bears- Will since s1 has had bear symbolism around him. Bears symbolically represent “wisdom” like ‘Will the wise’ and were associated with the demorgorgan/upside down in s1 and 2 as well . Max and Nancy compared demogorgans to bears- and Nancy and Jonathan used a bear-trap to capture a demorgorgan in s1 .

But s3 made bears a romantic symbol- Mike was going to buy a golden teddy bear for El as a romantic gesture. The golden bear had a bowtie (it’s male). And the gray bear that Mike gives to her, was originally Will’s (as shown in s1 &2). This gray bear is coming right in between Mike and El (at the end of s3). They even kiss , while El presses the bear right in between them. In conclusion these romantic bears represent Will. * I mean that whole awkward kiss (where Mike’s eyes are open and he doesn’t kiss back- happens in Will’s room, in front of Will’s open closet, with Will’s bear smushed between them (pretty blatant foreshadowing).

dinosaurs- This one is probably a stretch but we see this boy has tons of dinosaurs (at least 6). He starts to info-dump on El about how much he loves them. But, she has no interest. And if the wtf look didn’t make this obvious.

She even gets up and walks away, ignoring his tangent about dinosaurs.

She literally couldn’t care less about his interest in them.

But in spite of this, we see Mike gave her Rory in s3 (since it’s in her bedroom). And in s2 we see him sadly look at Rory, with 2 other dinosaurs in frame. This, along with s1 implies he has a huge collection of various dinosaurs .But his collection is missing one of the most popular dinosaur species... the brachiosaurus (the long necked dinosaur).

And right after this scene in s2 scene, we go to Will’s room. And he has a huge brachiosaurus! This boy couldn’t even afford a halloween costume and had to have his hand-made by his mom... but he could afford this huge -fancy dinosaur replica? I bet Mike bragged about his dinosaur collection to Will (like he did with El). But Will being a nerd, was actually impressed. So Mike actually gave him his best/fav toy in his collection- kind of like what he did with Rory.

frogs- This is the most hilarious thing to me. I laughed for like 20 minutes on my rewatch. In s1 Will has a GIANT stuffed plushie of a frog next to his jaws poster and teddy bear. I’m dead! Will doesn’t even disagree with the “frog face“ insult.

He’s just like ‘well, he’s my frog face’ . Time to snuggle with this frog that looks just like Mike . Will is so in love but also low key savage dragging Mike like that. I can only imagine Dustin and Lucas saying “nah, you don’t look like a frog”. And poor baby-Mike asking Will what he thinks, and Will not being able to lie, just saying “ Well... some people like frogs.” XD

We also see that in s2 the frog is missing but the Jaws-poster, coin jar, and the bear (we later see El holding in s3) remain .Probably to indicate this is when Will started to subconsciously suppress his feelings for Mike. Although @theclericwill pointed out -that , instead, Mike may have used the frog-plushie as a pillow... for his frog-face XD

Throwing shade at Mileven/mileven shippers in s2

In the Montauk pitch (later named Stranger things) they describe the Mike and El dynamic by saying “ If Mike is the Eliot of our show,Eleven is our Et.” (AKA they’re from different planets)

-In s2 , Erica is forcing He-man and barbie to make out. Lucas angrily separates the two. And then this discussion happens.

Erica: “Hey , They’re in love!”

Lucas (livid- and standing right next to a rainbow): “No, actually, they’re not. They don’t even exist on the same planet.”

Not to mention I doubt it was a coincident they had a (bratty) pre-pubescent girl be the proxy for most mileven shippers.Like not all mileven shippers are bad, but almost all the toxic ones (that the Duffers have to deal with) are tween girls. And to the Duffers, only a child could think 2 people are ‘in love’ after a week of knowing each other. Or that El could understand such things like romance- given the fact that her and Mike are from different planets (given how El has no experience with the outside world).Mike even says in s2, he can’t hate Max because he ‘doesn’t know’ her (despite knowing her as long as he knew El). Meaning he doesn’t love El since he doesn’t know her.

Plus, El told Mike, he treats her like ‘garbage’ and ‘a pet’ . And Finn after s1, said that the Duffers told him Mike thought of El as a puppy, and she is even compared to Dart (a demo-dog in s2). Mike asking Dustin, angrily “What, You have a bond? Just cause he likes nougat (eggos)?” Being a blatant dig at people obsessing over this shallow aspect of their relationship.

Mileven was also compared to that of family members. In s1, right before they kissed, she asks “will you be like my brother?” (while wearing Nancy’s dress). And Mike also referred to her as his ‘cousin’ . Not to mention, El loved ted’s laz-eboy chair (and Nancy said Karen and Ted “never loved each other” ). And right before Karen is about to cheat on Ted - she looks at him sleeping in the chair (and the lyrics are ‘I should have walked away’).

It’s pretty hilarious, since so many people try to ‘no-homo’ byler by saying Mike thinks of Will as a brother/or family- yet, their relationship has never been directly compared to a sibling (unlike mileven).

People also seem to not realize Mike lied in s2 (just like he did in s3). He thought El was dead in s2. He told Max it “got her like it did bob” and then he made a spectacle in front of everyone saying “I never gave up on you”. Which was a blatant lie (since he just told Max a few minutes earlier, she was dead -_-). Mike simply blamed himself for her death (he said they needed her to save Will and even referred to her as a “weapon”). So when she died he felt the most responsible- and was hoping she was alive (and would answer his call) to alleviate his own guilt. Not because he loved her (that was an act). When he saw Will’s dead body, but heard his voice, he went on a rescue mission to save Will (from another dimension). But, Mike didn’t even bother going into the woods after seeing El outside his window (something he did for Will in ep 1, during a storm). And then in s3 Mike couldn’t even bother to call El and apologize- but ran to apologize to Will in the woods during a storm (bringing that whole parallel -full circle).

Plus, El told Mike, he treats her like ‘garbage’ and ‘a pet’ . And Finn after s1, said that the Duffers told him Mike thought of El as a puppy, and she is even compared to Dart (a demo-dog in s2). Mike asking Dustin, angrily “What, You have a bond? Just cause he likes nougat (eggos)?” A blatant dig at people obsessing over this shallow aspect of their relationship.

Bob and Mike parallels- the Rubik cube

Both are unathletic, smart, love comics, the only 2 to not treat Will ‘different’- and would do anything to protect their loved ones. And they also had crushes on Byers in childhood, and tried to give their Byers normalcy (despite them not being a ‘normal family’). They purposely display, and have Will -mirror Joyce- and Mike -mirror Bob- in multiple shots, throughout s2.

And both Mike and Bob are AV club leaders. Bob mentioned in one of the earlier episodes that he founded the Hawkins Middle AV club . And Mike later grabs Bob’s Rubik cube, and mentions this after his death (to solidify the connection- even if subconscious in our minds. He even proclaims after this “we can’t let him die in vain” . And this is when Mike makes the plan to help Will (before El shows up).

gif credit: cath-avery, dailystrangerthings

#byler #byeler

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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years

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Are you between the ages of 30 & 40? Yeah.

What was your favorite Saturday morning cartoon growing up? I remember getting up to watch the Saturday morning cartoon lineup on ABC, which I think was called, “One Saturday Morning”, that showed cartoons such as Recess, Pepper Ann, Disney’s Doug, The Weekenders, etc. I also remember watching Kids WB, Fox Kids, Nickelodeon, and the Disney Channel.

What was your favorite toy as a child? I was obsessed with Barbies. In High School did you wear acid washed jeans? No. That was never my style.

How much was a gallon of gasoline when you first started driving? I don’t drive.

What was your first car? Since I don’t drive, I haven’t had a car.

Who taught you how to drive? --

What was your high school mascot? I’m not sharing that.

Did you go to your Senior Prom? I did.

What did you do after graduation? I went to community college, got all the general ed stuff done and my AA, then transferred to UC to focus on my major and get my BA.

What was your first job? I haven’t had one.

What did you want to be when you grew up? When I was a kid I wanted to be a teacher.

Any posters on your bedroom walls growing up? Oh yeah. I had all the posters from the teen magazines covering my walls.

Do you remember the first time you drank a beer? Yeah, it was when I was 21.

Did you ever try cigarettes? No.

How did you spend your summers growing up? I actually used to spend a lot of time outside *gasp* Shocking, I know. I played with my neighbors or my cousins, or I just played by myself with like chalk or cruising around in my motorized toy car, haha. I also liked swimming in my little plastic or blow up pool.

If you could change anything from your teenage years, would you? Yes.

Do you remember your first time? I’m a virgin.

Ever look back and wish some things were still the same? Yeah. :(

After high school - straight to college or straight to work? Like I said, I went to community college and then to UC.

How much did you make per hour at your first job? --

Favorite home-cooked meal growing up? My mom’s lasagna and chicken tacos.

Favorite place to eat out growing up? Getting fast food was always fun haha.

Did your parents live in a different country before you were born?: Nope.

Do you have a preferred coffee brand?: Not particularly. There’s some I definitely don’t like, such as Folger’s and Yuba.

Have you ever dated someone who was terrible with money?: No.

If so, how did it affect the relationship?:

How often do you paint your nails?: It’s been like 4 years since I’ve painted my nails.

Do you know anyone who's related to a current or former world leader?: No.

Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional?: I haven’t had to do taxes since I’ve never been employed.

What is something you don't have any natural talent for?: I don’t have natural talents. :X I can’t sing, I can’t dance, I have no artistic abilities... the list goes on and on.

Did you watch this year's Eurovision?: I never watch that.

Have there been any periods in your life that could be described as being chaotic?: Uh, yeah. Most definitely.

What is something you frequently forget?: Hmm. I don’t know. I have a pretty decent memory.

If I looked in your fridge right now, what would I find?: Stuff like coffee creamers, milk, eggs, cheese, Pillsbury sugar cookies, several different condiments, sandwich meat, yogurts, etc.

How do you feel about your body?: I’m very self-conscious about it and don’t like it at all.

Who is someone you would like to get to know better?: There isn’t someone at the moment.

If you had to move to a new city, where would you move?: I don’t know.

Have you ever traveled on a double-decker train?: No.

At what point do you consider a relationship to be 'long-term?': Uhh. I mean, I kind of think of it as when you both decide to be in a committed relationship and continue together going forward, then it’s a long-term relationship. Like, you’re not just casually dating or unsure of what you’re doing. Does that make sense?

What jobs did your parents have when you were growing up?: Retail jobs.

Do they still have these jobs? Or different jobs? Or have they retired?: My mom is a manager at Walgreens and my dad works at a car repair shop.

Do you own any winter sports equipment?: No. I have no use for that.

Do you have a cell contract plan, or are you on a pre-paid plan?: I’m part of a family plan thing.

Would your parents be okay with you dating someone of another race? Yes.

Do you like when friends stop by unexpectedly? No, that was never my thing. My family and I like to be notified and have something planned. I always wondered if that was a common thing to do because that’s how it always is on TV shows and movies and I’m like do people really do that?? lol.

Where are the following people and what are they doing: mom, dad, sibling(s), best friend, significant other, ex, and last person you kissed? My mom is just getting off work so she should be home soon, my dad is in the living room asleep, my brother is in his room doing whatever, my best friend is my mom, I’m single, I have no idea what my ex is doing or where he is, and the last person I kissed is my ex, so.

How strong are your feelings for the last person you kissed? I don’t have feelings for him anymore. It’s been several years now and I’ve moved on long ago. I don’t have any bad feelings towards him or anything, though. I hope he’s well.

What was the last thing someone else bought for you? My brother bought me Wingstop for dinner tonight.

If your parents looked in your purse/book bag would they find anything you don’t want them to see? What about your bedroom? Do you have anything hidden in there? Nah. I’m also 31 years old, so they wouldn’t be looking in my things anyway.

How close are you to the last person you hung out with? Can you be your complete self around them? My mom and I are very close and yes.

If you decided to call your ex right now, do you think he/she would answer? How would the conversation go? I honestly don’t know. I wouldn’t call him, though, so guess we’ll never find out.

Are you attracted to the last person you exchanged numbers with? I don’t even recall the last time I exchanged numbers with someone.

Is music a daily part of your life? No.

Yellow nail polish: yes or no? Sure.

What do you think of country music? I like some country music.

Have you ever ended a relationship but wish you could’ve kept it a little longer? Yes.

Did you go to your high school’s graduation? Yes.

If you could live the last three months over again, is there anything you’d change? I don’t know about the last 3 months... that’s not much time. I need to go much further than that.

Who was the last person to message you on Facebook? What would you do if that person told you they have feelings for you? The daughter of my mom’s best friend. Uh, no that wouldn’t happen. She’s happily married to a man.

How did you feel when you woke up today? Like a zombie, as always.

Who was the first person you talked to today? What did you talk about? My mom. She was getting back from grocery shopping when I got up and she was telling me about stuff regarding that and some other stuff.

When you apply your make-up, do you do it in a specific order? I would do eyeliner and then mascara and called it a day haha. I never wore much makeup. I dabbled with foundation, concealer, bronzer, and highlighter a few times, but it required too much work for me and it just wasn’t really my thing. In high school and in my early 20s I also sometime wore eyeshadow. I rarely wore lipstick, but sometimes a tinted lip gloss.

Did you do anything sexual last night? No.

Do you think the last person you Facebook messaged is a virgin? She’s married, so probably not but *shrug* That’s really none of my concern.

Did any of your friends lose their virginity before they were 16? If so, did you feel pressured to do the same? I don’t have friends.

Has someone of the opposite sex made you smile today? No. It’s only been today for about 40 minutes, though, and I haven’t talked to anyone so far.

Does it matter to you if your significant other smokes? It would matter if they smoked cigarettes.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My mom.

Do you like where you are in life right now? Definitely not.

Do you hate it when there is a fly around you? Ugh, yes. Flies are super annoying.

Is your mom overbearing? No.

Is there snow where you live? No. :(

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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theleemark · 4 years

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aesthetic tag

tagged by: @dreamiehrs & @bumblebeenct (thank you my lovelies!!)

rules: bold the aesthetics you relate to and add 20 of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold :)

tagging: @sly-merlin @yongiefilms @suhpressed @staymoarmyzen @mimika-28 + anyone who sees this!! (you don't have to do this btw hehe)

#okay well i wasnt expecting dark academia #but this is mad cute #i want to see everyone's aesthetics #also its 4 am here im sleeping gn #chai talk

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ellaintrigue · 4 years

Photo

Since I'm posting this on FaceBook too, where many of my mom's older friends follow me: you are old, and you are fat.

But wait, keep reading!!

Now, I don't like Jeeps. I find them cliche, ugly, and have never known a Jeep owner that wasn't an asshole. That is a coincidence, I know, but just saying. But, if I walk past a Jeep in a parking lot, I'm not going to stop, point at it, and scream, "THAT'S AN UGLY JEEP, I DON'T LIKE JEEPS, NO ONE SHOULD DRIVE JEEPS, EW!!"

I went way off track, right? Not really. I had a big boss, she was fat with nice curly hair and a sweet face and her legs weren't bad at all, with small feet. She was cocky and joked a lot but one day she hung her head and said she felt "fat and ugly." I was like HELL NO, you're not. And I meant that. She was really pretty, just fat. Being fat doesn't stop people from being attractive, it is truly a matter of preference.

Singer Lizzo did that nude shoot and ALL these people (mostly fit yuppy whites it seemed) started calling her a poster child for diabetes. Okay, yes, obesity is not healthy, but, PEOPLE FUCKING KNOW THAT. Fat people get health facts drilled into their heads by their doctors, the news, and society. They know they're fat, and they know the risks.

Also, some people are just naturally big, and it feels good when society embraces all body types and has plus-sized models. So, let it go! There is something wrong with you if you're going to stop and scream at a Jeep because you don't like them. There is something wrong with you if you are going to shame a fat person because you don't like their body and want to be holier than thou.

I had this friend on FaceBook, had known him like 4 years, and he posted a picture of a big black woman, this random lady standing in line at a bank and compared her to an ogre. So I posted, "why? Because she's fat?" He didn't reply and unfriended me. See how petty this fat-shaming is? Do you think he would have laughed if that same lady posted a picture of him and pointed out how close together his eyes were? I'm going to point out people's flaws here because guess what: no one is perfect. We're all just a bunch of smelly animals pointing out that our peers stink.

So back to y'all being old and fat: WHO CARES. I look at my mother's age 60+ friends, some of which aren't that big on their looks or like taking selfies, and think "these are good looking people."

No one is expected to be a size 2 or firm at 65, and anyone that says otherwise is a douche, just like the rest of fat shamers. Body shaming is fucking stupid, are we all meant to be the same Barbie/Ken doll? No!! So comb your hair, smile, and celebrate your age and shape. It's 2020!

As you all know, my poor ex had a battered face and no teeth from a horrific street life in California. So on social media some guy hit me up: bald, bodybuilder type, big nose, but whatever. I love to make friends, I don't care about your race, gender, orientation or background!! First thing he does is ask about the "old guy" in my pics. I said, that's my boyfriend, he's my age but has had a rough life. Dude: "He looks old and ugly, can't you do better than that?" I said, "but this is coming from an ugly bald c*nt?" He was at a loss for words, he couldn't fathom having HIS appearance put down. Now, I shouldn't have said that, but it all comes down to these basic points:

We all have preferences, everyone is different, and if you have to shame someone over their looks then you need to look at your own. Chances are you're already insecure about them which is why you're a bully. All the perfect tight gym rats bullying people? The ones with the expensive dental work? Their low esteem goes way deep, that's why they have to play themselves up so much. I'm not saying every gym nut model type is like that but it is common. I can't count the times they've put me down.

So: Acceptance. Accept yourself and accept others, don't follow a pattern of abuse if you grew up being told you weren't good enough. Break the cycle and spread kindness. Stop negative obsessions over body types.

If we all put as much effort into finding a cure for cancer as we do condemning other people's looks it would probably be figured out by now, lol.

Stay humble, y'all.

#BP #Body positive #Peace #Acceptance #Body shaming #Equality #Shallow #Looks #Positive #Rant #Love #Empowerment #Body #Pinup #Selfie

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awifehangingon · 3 years

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Chapter 1

My brother was born on November 27th. I was nine years old. His mother was nineteen when she found out she was pregnant and told my dad that she wanted to move away from the town that we were living in. My dad transferred to a different location that was in a smaller town. I knew that I was going to have a younger sibling, but I still didn’t forgive my parents for having my younger sister. I was trying to ignore the newest addition. My grandmother picked me up when my brother’s mom went into labor. I got to spend time with them and when I heard that my new brother was born, I asked them to pull over so I can pick flowers for her. We went to the house and I remember vividly looking at my brother with my other siblings. We stood over his white bassinette and we looked at his little squished face. We didn’t have much experience with babies. We kept telling each other to poke the baby to make sure he was ok. I remember my sister asking was we’re going to name him. My brother told us that our dad already named him Steven. My sister and I felt that we should have a say. We also told my brother that he can’t be named Steven, because we already knew a Steven. Because thems the rules when you’re a child. While we were talking the baby pinched his face and started crying. We all ran away from the bassinette.

Steven was always smiling or crying. I decided when he was old enough to crawl, that he was my favorite. He would crawl to where I was sitting or into my room. He was a pudgy baby. When I think of how he was when he was a baby, he was like my son. Both pudgy, happy, and always climbing on stuff. I would carry him all over the place. I didn’t know that his parents were always fighting and arguing. His mom told my dad that she was suffocating in such a small town and needed somewhere bigger to live. If she didn’t get it, then she would go back to Arizona and take Steven with her.

My father was married to my mom when they found out she was pregnant with my older brother. This was in the senior year of high school. My mom was shunned by her family and everyone, except my grandfather and my dad. They had their struggles when my brother was born. I was born two years later. By that time they were more stable. But like most high school pregnancies and weddings, it was not filled with happy marital bliss. Depending on which relative you ask, you’ll get the story on which of my parents cheated. Knowing both of them now, I have a pretty good idea. My sister was the result of a birth control not working. They divorced when I was five and my sister was two months old.

This was not an easy break, horrible things were done to my sister. It was the reason that my dad received full custody of three kids in New Mexico. Child Protective Services wanted to take my sister away while she was at a hospital. My dad and his parents and siblings took several car seats into the hospital without most people knowing. My dad had a restraining order against my mom and her new boyfriend. They each took a baby blanket and covered the car seats and each person bolted from the hospital with a car seat. Police officers chased the vehicles that went separate directions.

One vehicle made it to the reservation, it was my aunt with my sister. Back then, state or county police were not allowed on the reservation. Only federal agencies were allowed, but no one trusted them and wouldn’t cooperate with them.

When my little brother’s mother was demanding to move, my sister was four years old. My dad just barely started letting my mom visit us again. I know he was worried that he could lose his son if she left. So, he quit his job (because it was a reservation only job) and we moved to a larger town. My dad moved to the same town that my aunt lived in. He got her a house with a big back yard, a tree, and a playground. But he needed a job to afford the things she wanted. I don’t know if it was that she didn’t want to get a job, or my dad was being old fashioned and didn’t want her to get a job. Whichever way it was, she stayed at home. My dad took a job or two in the next city. I know she wanted him to come home every day he worked, so he drove two and a half hours to get here and two and a half to get back. I use to hear them arguing about him getting a hotel for the week and how it would save money. She said no.

Steven was about a year old when we lived in this town. He was adorable. He went from crawling to running everywhere. Because my aunt lived in the town, we got to visit her and my cousins a lot. I remembered them as not having much in common with us. The younger cousin was my brother’s age, the older was in high school. My younger cousin was obsessed with the Backstreet Boys or N*Sync, one of them. She had Barbie dolls and posters all over the place. Her sister was into metal and wore black. She also had long dark nails and got to wear make-up. I use to think she was so cool.

We would visit their house and my aunt would take us to the play grounds near and we would run and play with Steven. After running and playing, my aunt would make us sandwiches and give us snacks. As a chubby child, I really enjoyed that part. To this day, my aunt’s house still smells like cookies.

We had a regular schedule with our mom at this point. We lived in this town for two years. Steven was talking his babbly baby talk. He annoyed his mom my calling her “Cinda” just like we did. When my mom would visit to pick us up for a break or holiday, Steven would run out with us and yell “mom, mom!” He would see my mom there and turn around and run back to the house yelling for Cinda. I knew that Cinda and my mom didn’t like each other. Later I found out that Cinda wanted to be married, but my dad told her he won’t get married again until my mom changes her name back to her maiden name. And my mom was petty like that, but now she says it’s just too much of a hassle.

Every time we came back, Steven would run to me and I always gave him some contraband candy or snack. For at least a week after we got back, he would be by our sides. When it the summer of the year that he would turn three, my dad told us that we would be moving again. My grandpa had a house built in the small village where he was born and him and his wife were going to move there. This left the lot where he was living open. My grandpa’s dream was to have his kids happy with their own house. My dad is the youngest of five kids. He was the only one that wanted to move back to his small town. So my grandpa and him got a trailer that was being moved onto the lot.

We moved that summer so that we could all start school in the fall. I was excited to start school again. Steven was excited, he was going to share a room with my brother. He got a new toddler bed and enjoyed all the sand around the area. We would walk with him down to the convenience store and get snacks. There was a small flea market area that was between the stores and our home. Sometimes, my dad or Cinda would give us money to get sno-cones or food to bring back. My grandma lived in that town and I got to see her a lot, which was great. She was my grandma on my mother’s side, but she never treated Steven any different. She would pick us up and take us into town for pizza or McDonald’s. Everywhere we went with my dad, people would recognize him and stop him for a conversation.

It wasn’t long before Cinda didn’t like everyone knowing my dad, or worse asking about my mom. It was early in the school year. She said she was going to visit her mom in Arizona. She had my grandpa watch us and she left with Steven. This was a little after my grandpa lost his wife, Annie. My dad was still working in the city. He rushed back and I heard him yelling and my grandpa talking to him.

My dad left for a week or so to go find Steven. He wasn’t able to. That was the first time I’ve ever seen my dad cry.

#grief journal #depression #story

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tvbelle · 7 years

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This turned out way longer then I was expecting. Probably won’t make sense. Just a bunch of thoughts strung together to show my appreciation for 2 of my favorite shows.

Today has been surprisingly emotional for me. I have been really enjoying all the love for Buffy the Vampire Slayer today on the 20th anniversary of its premiere. It is a huge part of the reason why I call myself a child of the WB. Buffy was a huge part of my childhood. My first memory of Buffy was a season 2 episode where the Scoobies are in the cafeteria and the spaghetti turns into snakes. I hate snakes and spaghetti is my absolute favorite food, so I have no earthy idea what made me watch this show that made my favorite food turn into something I hate. I remember going over to friends houses after school to rewatch the latest episode, and calling others during the commercial breaks or once the episode was over. I have a claddagh ring that I have had since I was in 7th grade (I’ll be 30 this year) that I wear everyday because Angel gave Buffy one. David Boreanaz was my first real celebrity crush- poster on the wall, a little book about him I got a book fair at school (probably in elementary school), and I went to see “Valentine” in theaters. I had Build-a-Bears named of characters. I had a weekly planner and once the year was over I remember cutting the pictures out to keep. Many many years later with social media I was able to connect to one of my favorite singers over Buffy- Hayley Williams of Paramore we are both Team Angel. However, my proudest moment it probably when I heard that the WB was turning into UPN that I wrote a letter to my local WB station to ask if there were going to continue to carry Buffy and everything else. I did get a very nice letter back and was so excited that I was still going to get to watch my favorite show. I still have the letter… somewhere. My favorite episode is “Surprise”. My favorite seasons are 2 & 3. Season 1,4, & 5 are good. Season 6 & 7 are my least favorite. I have this weird aversion to season 7 though, I have no clue why. Even after all of this it is still really hard to say what kind of impact this show had on me. I think Buffy has probably had more of an influence on me then I realize. Seeing this strong woman who saved the world a lot proved to me that women can do anything. I am proud to have been raised on Buffy.

Because of Buffy my favorite supernatural world is vampires. Which brings me to another part of my life The Vampire Diaries. I am as much of a child of the WB that I am an adult of the CW and that is due to TVD. I remember watching the premiere and maybe even the 2nd episode and thinking I didn’t think this show would be for me. Too much like Twilight, hahaha. But I continued to see the promos and was intrigued but never enough to tune in. Then once all the shows went on winter hiatus the CW aired all 10 episodes in one week and because I was avoiding studying for finals in college I caught up. I was officially on the TVD train after that and have been ever since. Thursday nights were my nights- TVD at 8 and Greys Anatomy at 9. If someone called during those 2 hours they were out of luck because I was not going to answer, my mother can attest to this. If someone texted I would maybe respond during the commercial break. There has never been another show that took me on an emotional rollercoaster like TVD during seasons 2 & 3. Every commercial break I was either laughing, crying, or screaming, all in one episode. Because of TVD, started to realize how much of an impact television has on my life. I joined twitter and tumblr and realized there are people like me. These people made me feel normal for obsessing over a show. These people introduced me to new shows. During a time when the CW was failing TVD and these people kept me tuned in to the network which introduced me to a new TV world- the Arrowverse. Just like Buffy my favorite seasons are 2 & 3. 1,4, & 5 are good. 6 & 7 are my least favorite. Season 8, however, has really reminded why I loved this show and I am glad it is getting the send off it deserves.

As much as Buffy made an impact on me, Caroline Forbes is actually the TV character I would be if I could. She has grown so much as a character. Becoming a vampire made her a better person. She is a strong, sassy and emotional vampire barbie, who is just so great. Oddly enough several years ago there was a Buffy movie remake being tossed around but wasn’t going to involve Joss, and like most I immediately said hell no. But then I heard Candice Accola’s name thrown out to be Buffy and had a really hard time then saying no because if anyone was going to do it I would be okay with it being her. Even more so when, I think, “The Downward Spiral” aired during season 6. I remember thinking how much Caroline reminded me of a Faith/ Buffy mix.

So THANK YOU to two amazing shows that had made me who I am today.

#buffy the vampire slayer #the vampire diaries #buffyslays20 #tvdforever

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freakflagbyiana · 5 years

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Pride & Coming out

It’s Pride month, and I’ve been listening to the coming out stories of people I know and admire. I’ve also been thinking a lot about my friends who either aren’t out or are out but their family doesn’t quite accept them... They have an “understanding” that they don’t talk about it. So here’s my coming out story, a queer memoir in 3 acts: Childhood, Puberty, and Adulthood.

Childhood

When I was a kid, I was called a Tomboy. It’s not even entirely accurate; I played with Barbies and makeup and costumes. I just also enjoyed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and video games and comic books and getting dirty. And since this was the '80s, having an androgynous haircuts wasn't an indicator of gender or sexuality one way or another, it was simply the fashion.

Here’s a fun fact: My dad potty trained me, so I first attempted to pee standing up. He quickly realized he had to demonstrate sitting down if he was going to be the one teaching me. My idea of femininity - instilled in me by my mother - was also rather androgynous or 'tomboy'. Because she had always been skinny and flat chested, I grew up naturally assuming I’d be the same. I came from mom so I’ll look like mom when I grow up, right?

I remember hating Easter. It was the only time mom made me wear a big frilly dress for the pictures we'd send to Grandma. Pictures which inevitably involved me sitting on the side of the highway in a field of bluebonnets. In these photos, I am wearing a hot, unbreathable dress with scratchy tulle to make it 'poofy', sitting in a field (probably next to some fire ants), breathing in fumes of the highway with the afternoon sun burning my retinas, and trying not to squint too much for the picture. I remember thinking, “Boys don’t have to deal with this crap” (To this day, I still take bluebonnet pictures in the shade.)

I remember liking pink because, “I’m a girl, I’m supposed to like pink. Barbie’s favorite color is pink, so if I like Barbie, I like pink.” Gender Programming in action, folks! Eventually I rebelled against this gender standard, and, to this day, I’m still allergic to pink. Later I felt vindicated when I figured out how olive-yellow my skin tone was and thus how pink will always make me look sick. But I think it will always make me feel sick, too, because it was forced on me so heavily as a child. Forced by society, that is, it wasn’t my mom’s fault. I remember not knowing quite what was going on with David Bowie in Labyrinth but being really into it. {see previous blog on the subject} My parents watched a lot of MTV in the '80s, which explains most of my music and aesthetic tastes. But, more importantly, as a kid who would not understand the negative sides of the decade - the war on drugs, the AIDS epidemic, the Yuppies - until much later, the '80s were a magical time for a baby queer. Grace Jones was a strong masculine woman of color; and Nick Rhodes made it okay for “straight” men to have what I still call the gayest pink wedding I’ve ever seen. I could go on about my influences from this decade but the points that are relevant right now are these: Androgyny was fashionable, and Genderqueer was fashionable. In so many ways, the society of my early childhood, the '80s and early '90s, accepted all this stuff far better than that of my pre-teen and teenage years, the later '90s and '00s. At the time when I was affected most by society’s views on sexuality and gender identity, the culture was shifting, becoming less fluid... More into dividing by categories and labels and, to some, moralities. In my childhood, my mother was a department store makeup artist. This is a key ingredient in the Life Story of Iana. She was a department store makeup artist for Clinique, but she really wanted to be a special effects makeup artist for the movies ... like back in the days before CGI became the most efficient option, when they still hired artisans to create prosthetic movie monsters. (RIP the glory days of prosthetic SFX.) This is why I grew up watching horror movies and wasn’t scared by the scary stuff. She always explained to me how they made the zombies look dead, or blood look real, or those amazing transformations in American Werewolf in London & Thriller. Horror education aside, she also notably introduced me to makeup, brought home by her from work for me to play with. This was her most glorious, single-mom, life-hack moment: Tell child they can play with makeup and get them set up in the dry bath tub, allow them to draw on themselves and on the walls (because it’s only tile and it’s only makeup) while you sneak in a nap on the fuzzy bathmat floor. Dangle arm over bathtub so that the child knows you’re still there. When they are done, surprise! it’s bath-time, and you’re already trapped in the tub, kid! ... Frankly, it was a true stroke of genius. When people tell me “you’re so good at makeup,” it's like, of course I am! It was one of my first toys, and I’ve been playing with it ever since. You'd be, too, if you’d been playing with it as long as you can remember. It’s simply a matter of practice: do a thing 1000 times, and you’re a master, right?

Puberty

I grew up in Cuernavaca, the “affordable” hippie area of Westlake at the time. Cuernavaca is a weird little microcosm all on it’s own... I once referred to it as “The Twin Peaks of Westlake” and I stand by that statement. I attended West Ridge Middle School from 1996 to 1999. Although I was closer to my mom, I had to live with my dad in order to go to this “better” school. All the people I'm still close to from that time were kids from my neighborhood. They weren’t completely spoiled jerks, and most were probably a little weird like me. I had a beautiful best friend named Jane. I’m using her name because I want her to know if she ever reads this. Her parents were hippies while mine were weird, artist nerds into cyberpunk and technology, and we were from opposite worlds in many ways. But both of us, along with our other close friends Chelsea and Saira, were great at art. We were like an antisocial fantasy art coven who didn’t want to get involved in school politics ... we would keep to ourselves and draw when we were supposed to be taking notes, draw during lunch, and hang out after school to draw and listen to music. We hang around after class to talk to our favorite art teacher, Ms. Mouer, who always would say, “You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever!” (That’s not relevant to the story; it’s just a shoutout incase she reads this, too.) I remember this time was when Labyrinth was out of print, and I was the only girl in the neighborhood who had a VHS copy, taped off of HBO. My girlfriends would frequently come over to watch it, although once it got re-released on DVD, my house was suddenly less popular. It was in this environment that I was able to explore different aspects of my aesthetic. In hindsight, if I had been this age nowadays, I’d describe myself as non binary or genderqueer (not the same thing, but I’m not sure which I’d have used then). But at the time, I looked like an outcast no matter what; people could make their own assumptions, and I certainly wasn’t going to defend myself to anyone judging. The first Bowie album I acquired (read "stole from mom") around then was the Ryko edition of Scary Monsters - one of my favorite David Bowie songs still is Teenage Wildlife. This part always brings a tear to my eye. I think most teens can relate to this because most of us were “others” in some form: You'll take me aside, and say "Well, David, what shall I do? They wait for me in the hallway" I'll say "Don't ask me, I don't know any hallways" But they move in numbers and they've got me in a corner I feel like a group of one, no-no They can't do this to me I'm not some piece of teenage wildlife I had developed an androgynous, genderfluid aesthetic, but, problematically, I did not have an androgynous body. I did not develop into a lanky, Twiggy-esque waif like my mother. I developed hips and breasts so suddenly that I had bright red stretch marks, everywhere. To this day, my breasts were never as big as they were then. I’m assuming it has something to do with still having “baby fat” and all the new hormones working overtime, and also my diet being sugar/dairy heavy (fatter = curvier). Later, in my 20s, I was relieved they got smaller as I cut HFCS out of my diet. In any case, sudden curves meant that I had to drop out of gymnastics ... it’s very difficult to safely throw your center of gravity around when your center of gravity is extra jiggly and changing daily.

I didn’t know how to dress for my body type. At the time when I just wanted to wear oversized band tees, the only bras I could use were underwire ... it would be years before I discovered the glory of sports bras, much less breast binders. So I wore oversized band t-shirts with underwire bras, paired with pants that never fit quite right (they still don’t) or full skirts. On top of wearing what most often resembled a giant tent, I had started cutting and coloring my own hair, so it changed regularly and got shorter. Sidecuts, mowhawks, pixie cuts, and a fully shaved head at 14 years old. From the outside looking in, you could definitely tell I was either “gender confused” or “on my way to becoming a butch lesbian” to use the language of the times; non-binary was not yet a label, especially not a respected one. My room was covered in posters of comic book women (mainly the characters from The Sandman), male rock stars (mainly Robert Smith and Keith Flint), and LOTS of pictures of Brandon Lee from The Crow, with whom I have been obsessed since age 9.

One day, mom told me about a “joke” she made to my father; taking one look at my room covered in pictures of Brandon Lee, she said to him, “At least we know she’s heterosexual” It was the first time I wanted to speak up, to argue about it with someone. I didn’t care if people outside my family assumed one way or another, but I was so angry that my mom just jumped to a conclusion like that. My own mother - who enjoyed short hair and androgynous fashion, who herself had been “a lesbian in college.” She was the one that taught me that gender and sexuality were a fluid spectrum to begin with. I didn’t argue with her though; I didn’t have any evidence to the contrary, I just knew she was wrong. I grew up watching The X-Files from day one - trading her love of David Duchovny for a deep interest with whatever Gillian Anderson was doing onscreen. Mom also took me to see The Fifth Element when it came out, and I have been in love with Milla Jovovich ever since. To this day, I have bonded with many of my male friends over these two female crushes. At this point in my life, I didn’t know if I was gay or bisexual. I wasn't sure if I was comfortable with my cisgender female identity, or if I was something else. I just knew she was totally wrong. In this time also, I would say that Jane was my best friend. She was beautiful and looked exactly like Claire Danes in Stardust, which is crazy to me now, because she and I had been obsessed with Neil Gaiman’s works long before any movies and Stardust was always one of her favorites. It's impossible for me to watch the movie now without thinking of her.

So I was close to my best friend because we were weird kids. So I thought she was beautiful because she objectively was. So what? Was I gay for my best friend? Probably a bit but no more than is normal to be gay for your best friend. ... I mean, I think even heterosexual, same-sex besties should be a little gay for each other. That’s how close friendships work! This is a person you love so much that you have their back in 99% of situations, you would bury a body with, etc. You should think they’re attractive even if you don’t want to sleep with them yourself, you should enjoy their company often even if you don’t want to marry them yourself, you should love them enough that it doesn’t matter if people accuse you of being gay for them. Platonic love is still love, so even if that person is gay and you’re not, it doesn’t mean their love is romantic. What I’m building up to, dear audience, is the other shoe dropping. Jane’s “hippie” father didn’t like me. He was in the National Guard and had just come back from dealing with the aftermath of the war in Bosnia and living in Russia for a while. After Russia he was different; he bought Jane very sexy (for a fifteen-year-old), form-fitting dresses, dressed her up like a Barbie and became more strict at home. I remember her finding it distressing, but she liked fashion, so it seemed like the typical patriarchal tradeoff that my gender faces: If you want to have shiny objects bought for you, you have to obey the breadwinning man of the house. And then, in the midst of that, here came I, parading around their house with my strong sense of self, thanks to my '80s-influenced, genderfluid upbringing. How dare I waltz in there and preach the word of David Bowie to his little Stepford daughter? I, on the other hand, just knew that they were hippies, they were supposed to be into peace, love, unity; acceptance of other, races, cultures, and “free love.” I was just a kid, how was I supposed to realize her father was so threatened by my very presence in his daughter’s life? It was so long ago that I don’t quite remember if he accused me of being gay to my face, or if Jane relayed the questions he asked her about me when I wasn’t there. But I vividly remember uncomfortable dinners, where vague personal questions that would be downright unacceptable to ask a child today were posed to me. When I asked my mother what to do, she wrote Jane's father off as “an asshole,” because she was familiar with the type of man he was. She told me to just stop going over there. But then how was I supposed to hang out with my best friend? Well, in truth, after that I didn’t really. She would have to make the effort to hang out with me at mine, or I’d just see her at school. But in truth, she totally checked out of the friendship after that. She put her head down and concentrated on getting good grades in school like she was serving a sentence in jail. I knew she had always wanted to make costumes, but after that time, she suddenly needed to get better grades as her father wanted her to become a lawyer or something related. (Eventually, she ended up making costumes after all) In April of 1999, right before I graduated from 8th grade, something happened that would change my life - and the country - forever: the Columbine school shooting. At the time, the only story we were told was that the shooters were goths, and they shot up the school because they were being bullied by jocks. (We now know that it was the other way around, the shooters were also the bullies.) And here I was, a baby goth and a genderqueer “lesbian” in a school full of rich, preppy jocks. The media perpetuated the “us vs them” situation, magnifying the underlying misconceptions and misjudgment. To be honest, I probably would not have gone to Westlake high school in any case, but Columbine sealed the deal. My mom and I loved watching Heathers, and I knew a similar environment awaited me at Westlake. Fortunately, it was around this time that I became acquainted with another Cuernavaca kid who was in the grade above me, Maria Russo. She was out as a lesbian or bisexual (I don’t remember which exactly as they were essentially the same thing in that environment) and was the only other goth girl in school. She wore ripped fishnets and dog collars and was obsessed with both Rocky Horror Picture Show and mermaids. She told me she wasn't going to Westlake either and that I should join her at this cool, hippie high school she found, The Griffin School. So even though I was only 14, I told my parents I was not going to go to arguably the best public school in the city, and that instead they were going to work together to send me to this weird, small private school for artsy kids. I was always a good student, except for middle school and I blame that on everyone being more concerned about social status than actually learning anything. That’s the irony of privilege, nobody appreciated the educational resources they had they just cared whether or not my clothes were from the Gap. I sold my parents on sending me to Griffin because of my grades suffering, the fact that my best friend and I had drifted apart, and then Columbine making the world more dangerous for goth kids really sealed the deal... The backlash meant that my safety was more severely threatened by the clothes I put on everyday, which I had been wearing for years already. I attended Griffin for all four years of high school and had one of the rarest experiences for a teen - I thoroughly enjoyed every year of high school. And it wasn’t because I was popular and peaked in high school either. I felt my sense of self was respected, my sexuality or gender identity wasn’t a concern to the staff or to the other parents. Also, I made excellent grades. I have since reconnected with several of my middle school friends that attended different high schools. But I never saw or spoke to Jane again.

Adulthood

As an adult, I identify as Bisexual. There is a myth that bisexuality excludes being attracted to people of non-binary orientation because you are attracted to "males OR females." The way I see it, the "bi" in bisexual refers to both ends of sexuality as a spectrum between heterosexual relationships and homosexual relationships. The stuff in between is undefined but included.

Many of the people who would have been considered Bisexual in the '90s identify as Pansexual today. That’s fine, but I’m not going to do that. I’ve considered myself bisexual since puberty; I don’t see the point in rebranding my sexuality now when I know what I mean by it, and that’s all that matters. But I think the reason Bisexuality split off into Pansexuality is that Bisexual is still a four letter word in the gay community. It’s better than it used to be, but there’s still this feeling that we’re not gay enough.

I once talked to a Pansexual who said she has been attracted to all kinds of things, including trees. And I thought, first, "that’s very interesting," and second, "I definitely don’t identify as that." This makes it hard to be a loud and proud bisexual; I don’t hide it, but I’ve kept it private for a reason. In the past, when a lesbian I had just met (at a party) asked me about my sexuality and I said I was bi. She then interrogated me about my gay experiences in a way that made me very uncomfortable. I finally interrupted her by shouting - “I don’t have to tell you anything!” - I didn’t know her, and it was none of her business. I got defensive because it took me by surprise, both, I suppose, because I expected more from another member of the queer community, and because it triggered memories of those uncomfortable dinners with Jane’s father. But the great thing about being an adult is that peer pressure isn’t real. No one can actually force you do anything you don’t want to do or tell them anything you don’t want to share simply by “putting pressure” on you to do their will. So I stick to the Bisexual label, partially out of resentment. I had to fight so hard to find this identity; I changed schools and lost one of my closest friends over it. I’m not going to stop being bisexual just because there are some mean girls in the gay community. And, in the end, I will always defend use of the term Bisexual: it was good enough for David Bowie, and he was a fucking Genderqueer alien. If the King/Queen of Genderqueer aliens Hermself feels included by this term, why wouldn’t I? Weirdness is a part of me right down to my sexuality and gender identity. I will always be attracted to the “others” of the world. In the end, I don’t belong in the gay clubs because I don’t like dancing to Beyonce, not because I’m not gay enough.

Although we’ve come a long way, people are still surprised if I mention that I’m not straight. Not every member of the queer community is an effeminate boy or a butch girl. Just because I look comfortable as a cisgender female doesn’t mean I didn’t struggle with my gender identity my entire childhood. I went to see Eddie Izzard do his standup act the other night, the first time since I’d seen him live in 2003. Towards the end he got heckled with something simultaneously misogynist and homophobic - “SHOW US YOUR TITS!” - and audible cringe swept over the audience as we began to boo. I thought, “WOW, He’s been out since the '80s, he’s so established and respected and famous now, and he still can’t get away from this stuff.” You never get away from it, there will always be a problem for someone. All you can hope for is a bigger, better group of people around you to boo on your behalf. You’re probably thinking to yourself, “wait this is your coming out story, when do you come out to your parents?” The truth is I didn’t. This blog entry, coming out to the general public, is the most coming out I’ve ever done. I didn’t have real relationships when I was in school, and I got married to a bisexual boy when I was 19, so it never came up. At the time, we were openly bisexual to each other but neither of us really had “the conversation” with our parents. He didn’t because they were British and, although I have no doubt they would have accepted him, Brits just didn’t talk about that stuff out loud. I used to think of him as choosing to be repressed, choosing to remain in the closet, but it’s only recently that I’ve realized that would mean I chose the same thing. I didn’t have “the conversation” with my parents because A) I wasn’t having relations under their roof either way; B) my “woke” mom had already assumed wrong, and I wasn’t close to my dad; and C) I felt it was none of their business. By the time I confirmed my sexuality, I was an adult, and they had no say in the matter anyway. That’s the million dollar question - if you know your parents accept and love you either way, do you need to have a conversation about it? Are you still in the closet even if you make no attempts to hide your sexuality or gender identity? Many of my clients are various degrees of queer and trans, going through their own complex struggles with all the emotional dust that Pride month kicks up. For example, those we have lost. ... I am again reminded of the recent void left behind by an older gay friend, the closest I had to a brother; we lost him in December to suicide shortly after he was diagnosed with advanced HIV. He was in his 40s and there appeared to be some form of denial coming from his family. Even though he was a fully grown adult, it seemed like he chose suicide over living as a “sick” person and having to address the facts with his family. Pride isn’t just about rainbow outfits and drag shows. Pride in the queer community is essential to survival. Lots of statistics prove this out in different ways; here’s just two of them: “LGB youth seriously contemplate suicide at almost three times the rate of heterosexual youth." And "LGB youth are almost five times as likely to have attempted suicide compared to heterosexual youth.” [source: The Trevor Project] If is that common as a teenager, do you think that changes when you grow up into a gay adult? Not necessarily. But I’m not going to end on a sad note. I have a lot of happy memories associated with Pride, too. My favorite part of living in Chicago in my early 20s was being a block away from Boystown, the gayberhood. The parade would come down our street, Broadway, off Belmont. For a few glorious hours the street was absolutely covered in rainbow confetti and glitter. Then as everyone moved indoors to drink and party, because Chicago is a proper city, the street sweepers would drive by and clean up all the litter like nothing ever happened. Below are some pictures from Chicago Pride 2005. That year was the first and only time I’ve ever seen RuPaul perform, way before Drag Race, when Supermodel was still his top hit. The Grand Marshal was Wilson Cruz, and, as a '90s latchkey kid who watched reruns of My So-Called Life with some of TV's first out gay teens, that was very exciting! (CW: this picture of the proud gay WWII vets makes me cry every time)

In the process of writing this blog, a client who came out to me as non-binary. It’s always exciting for my shop to be considered a safe space for people to come out before they deal with the complications of telling family, if they even tell their family. We related on a lot of the same levels. Being outright gay is difficult, being outright trans is difficult. ... But being nonbinary/bisexual can be difficult in a different way; it’s like flying under the radar, sometimes even to yourself. You’re not denying that part of you is 'other', but you know you’re not 'other enough' to be Grand Marshal of the Pride Parade. Especially for folks of my generation who grew up with the fashionable androgyny of the '80s/'90s. Then when you hit puberty and struggle with having a very feminine or masculine skewing body, it’s easy enough to fall back into binary fashion since those are the only clothes that are made to fit your body. This is one of the reasons there’s so many older people discovering this stuff about themselves now. Now we finally have language for the nuances of gender identity, so we’re all able to talk about it together. Strangely enough, these concepts are as old as mankind, the language is only new to the western culture. One of my favorite things to read about is the five gender system of Native American cultures: men, women, trans men, trans women, and nonbinary are all mentioned. {see this super-rad article here} In the end, though, when people ask me about my pronouns, I still don’t know what to say. I'll get that feeling like I'm taking a test I haven’t studied for. I’m still wired to be unconcerned with what people think of me, what they call me, but I’ll try to answer to the best of my understanding. I don’t feel entirely comfortable being a female or dressing femme. But I damn well love costumes, and I got comfortable with makeup early on in my childhood. So when people compliment my feminine aesthetics, I see it as being good at drag. Like high femme feels more like drag than when when I dress in androgynous or boyish looks. High femme is a lot of work but simultaneously (relatively) easy because I understand the programming I’ve been receiving since I was a little girl. Androgyny is easier and more comfortable for my brain but also more difficult to execute given the body I have and the way they make clothes for it. (I’m getting better though, I just got a binder by gc2b which I’m eagerly awaiting in the mail any day now!) Anyway, I’m comfortable with “she” as my pronoun - in the same way RuPaul is called “she” when in drag, even though he’s “he” when he’s just Charles, right? It’s like the same way I don’t care when someone gets my name wrong the first time they try to pronounce it. ... I don’t care what you call me, just as long as you see me. 20 years later and I’m still friends with Maria, who many of you will know as the mermaid Co-Owner of Cute Nail Studio - otherwise known as the Gayest Nail Studio in the city, state, possibly the country. I hope she knows how proud I am of her and how eternally grateful I will forever be for getting me out of Westlake. It was like she tossed me a big gay lifesaver when I needed it most. In the end I think the key is not being afraid, especially now, to talk about those things. Especially during Pride when so many different flavors of queer (and non-) come together to celebrate. Don't be afraid to talk about your own pathway, the unsureness you still might have, and the childhood experiences that made you realize you were born just a little weird. Stick together so that you don't feel isolated and don't settle for feeling like a group of one. REACH OUT to you brothers and sisters and siblings of no discernible gender and tell them you love them. Love people as an act of defiance. Walk tall with your strong sense of self.

#pride #gender #genderfluid #transgender #gay #lesbian #bisexual #androgyny #controversial fashion #vulnerability

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fashiontrendin-blog · 6 years

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11 People on Their Private Obsessions

http://fashion-trendin.com/11-people-on-their-private-obsessions/

11 People on Their Private Obsessions

I watched a Netflix documentary about minimalism a few months ago and keep recalling one particular scene. The doc’s main subjects, Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus, are minimalism maximalists: they own just a few, necessary items of clothes; their homes are bare. No decorations. No knickknacks. No “stuff.” They don’t need a ton of things to be happy, and they travel America to spread the gospel of living without excess. As someone who stores sweaters in the oven and had to lobby with a professional closet cleaner to let me keep my box of costumes “just in case,” the concept was refreshing — it seemed freeing. But it also seemed impossible. I wanted to know what you’re supposed to do with all the impractical, space-taking, no-value, dust-collecting stuff that you love, that means something.

Millburn and Nicodemus get that question a lot, they explain about halfway through. They share an anecdote of a book collector who takes joy in their library, who likes to loan friends old books, find new ones, browse through dog-eared pages at whim; and the book collector wants to know whether or not, in order to convert to minimalism, they have to get rid of their collection. The minimalists’ answer is simple: keep it. That which fills you with joy and happiness, they reason, no matter how much space it takes up or how useful it is, is not excess. It’s not just “stuff.” It’s a part of you.

In what started as a pitch to celebrate Fandom Month, I asked members of the team to bring in their obsessions, which quickly translated into something more: their not-just-stuff — that which they collect and cherish, individual items that are important to them for various symbolic reasons. Matt, our Head of Operations, has held on to a pair of sky-high patent leather platform stilettos because they represent a pivotal change in his perspective. Nikki, our Director of Ad Operations and Product, brought in medals from all the half marathons she’s completed. Scroll down to see the things that matter most to them, and then, in the comments, tell us (or better yet, show us) your most important “stuff.”

Ashley, Social Media Editor

What do you collect? I collect U2 stuff. I brought in a few records (I don’t have a record player), some concert tees, and a wristband from a time I saw them live. I have a giant framed poster in my bedroom but I wasn’t sure how to get it across the city for this shoot.

What made you start this collection? How long has this collection been growing? I’ve been a huge fan of U2 since my freshman year of high school. My first items from around that time (though not pictured here) were an Achtung Baby CD and the book U2 by U2. They both currently live in my childhood bedroom.

Would you ever sell it? No way.

What do you need strangers to know about your U2 stuff? U2 gets a lot of inexplicable hate and I just love them so much and I need strangers to know that it’s okay to like whatever music you like. Britney Spears and U2 and whatever else aren’t guilty pleasures, they’re just good.

What does this collection say about you? It says I know great stuff when I hear it.

Have a good story about any of it? The SNL wristband is from last December, when I got a friend to get me into the show. It has no value to anyone else, but to me it’s something I wore the night The Edge and I touched elbows “by accident” and I teared up.

Amelia, Head of Creative

What did you bring in? Vampire Weekend’s debut album, Vampire Weekend, in record form.

Why is it special to you? It reminds me of a few very, very specific moments in my life. One in particular is the first time I heard the album, from start to finish. I think it was summer 2008, since the album came out in January that year. So many things happened in that short half hour that I feel like I could write a whole book around it. I have a few other albums from around that same time period that I feel the same way about, but I have no idea where those CDs are.

Would you ever sell the record? Sure, although I’d feel guilty because the record’s in bad shape. I’m not attached to the physical record — just the album itself. ~*It’s a metaphor, man.*~

What does this record say about you? That I am a very bad record owner? Also that I used to spend a lot of time at Urban Outfitters (because I own a Vampire Weekend record and was probably like “buying this is the coolest thing I have ever done.”). Also that I am unequivocally stuck in 2008, musically, and forever will be.

Crystal, Operations Manager

What did you bring in? A Halle Berry-as-Jinx-in-007-Barbie

What made you buy this doll? Representation has always mattered to me, and seeing Black dolls, especially one that depicts a character in a mainstream film like Bond, was so awesome that I couldn’t leave it behind.

Are you strict about who can/can’t “play” the Jinx doll? I don’t believe in “look, don’t touch.” I invest in these sorts of silly things so they can be enjoyed by everyone, not just me.

Would you ever sell it? No, it’s more sentimental value than anything else!

What do you need strangers to know about it? I know, the idea of Barbie is problematic, and I get that (and agree), but this doll is more about the kick-ass character and less about the body politics, for me.

What does it say about you? It really speaks to the duality of who I am, now that I’m thinking of it. I like to think that I’m Woke AF, but I also own a Barbie Doll. That about sums it up.

Haley, Digital Editor

What do you collect? I enjoy small animal figurines and have amassed a small army of them completely by accident. Not all of them are pictured here, but these were the ones I could find when I was late to work. They’re curiously scattered around my house.

What made you start this collection of animals? I’m easily charmed by cute things. I hesitate to call it a collection because there’s been no intentionality in its creation, but maybe that makes it all the more legit! I just love objects that look like creatures and I wish everything I owned had ears, eyes and a tail.

How long has this collection been growing? I think the first one was Helen the frog, pictured above. I found her in Chinatown in San Francisco in 2012 on what I used to call “my trinket hunts.” She’s followed me everywhere since, usually finding a home on my desk among my other treasures. Occasionally I will drop Helen on other people’s desks at Man Repeller when they’re feeling down. Her presence helps.

What does it say about you? I love animals so much and am quick to anthropomorphize. I think some part of me truly believes in the aliveness of certain inanimate objects. I find comfort in surrounding myself by a little family of cute things. That sounds so creepy, but I just think it makes life more charming.

Have a good story about any of them? The white seal you see is called a Squishie — you can buy them in bulk on Amazon. When I first bought them and had them shipped to the MR office, Amelia freaked out because she had just ordered one the week before. We ordered more as a group, and everyone at the office had one on their desk. When we started posting them on Instagram, people started asking where they were from and buying them too. It was a Squishie moment. A couple months later, my SF friend told me he shipped me a present for no reason. It was a box of Squishies. He had no idea I knew what they were. Guess it’s been a Squishie kind of year; we need them right now.

Harling, Fashion Editor

What do you collect? I brought in my collection of mini bags, which was amassed not so much as a byproduct of intentionally “collecting” them, but more so organically, as a result of my great affinity for the way carrying them makes me feel (like a stylish giant).

What made you start this collection? After I purchased my first mini bag two years ago and realized it was the perfect size combination of aesthetically pleasing (they’re adorable) and functionally utilitarian (they hold the perfect amount of stuff), it was full speed ahead.

There’s no storage in NYC — where do you keep all of it? This is a great question — one I’ve been struggling with given my bedroom itself is nearly as small as a mini bag. For a while, I stored them all around my room in various nooks and crannies (on top of my radiator, in between stacks of jeans, inside bigger bags), but that system proved to be problematic because I frequently forgot where I put them (that’s the thing about small bags — they’re tiny enough they can get lost, even in the tiniest of New York apartments). Now I keep them together in a giant basket underneath my shelves.

Would you ever sell any of it? I don’t know. This sounds weird, but each one has a different personality, so they kind of feel like my friends. I’m pretty attached to them.

Imani, Editorial Intern

What do you collect? I collect postcards from places I visit and museums/galleries.

What made you start this collection? I started collecting postcards when I came to college — so it’s been roughly four years now — because it was a really simple and cheap way to decorate. It’s become something much more sentimental; now my walls are covered with little memories.

Would you ever sell them? I don’t think anyone is interested in purchasing my collection, but maybe for the right price…? It depends on the postcard.

What does this collection say about you? I think my postcards are like puzzle pieces of who I am, as corny as that sounds. They are physical and visual artifacts of the experiences I’ve had and the emotions I’ve felt at different moments of my life.

Have a good story about any of them? One of my favorite postcards, an image of a bullfighter’s butt in hot pink hot pants that I got in Cordoba, went missing! I got it during my last full day in Spain when I went back to visit in August (I spent a semester in Madrid during the Spring semester of 2017). I was so devastated that it was gone that I tried to convince a friend in Spain to try and find me another just like it. A day later, I found it tucked in the notebook I brought with me on my trip for safe keeping.

Louisiana, Visual Assistant

What do you collect? MUGS!

What made you start this collection? I think it started when I was about 15? 16? I bought a Polish pottery mug and got hooked. I like ceramics and I use mugs every single day, so the collection grew from there.

There’s no storage in NYC — where do you keep all of it? Thankfully I live alone so all my kitchen cabinet space is for me and my mugs.

Would you ever sell any of it? Maybe! There are a few I don’t *love.*

What do you need strangers to know about it? I try and get one every time I go on a trip!

What does it say about you? That I love beverages, which is true! What’s also true is that I probably always have seven half-full mugs around my apartment at all times.

Have a good story about any of them? Two very nice ladies at Waffle House gave me mugs (one regular, one holiday edition!) after I asked if I could have them. GOTTA LOVE THE SOUTH.

Do you have a policy about using them or who else gets to drink out of them? I have a ranking of which mugs I love the most, so I save my highest ranking ones for myself and then let others use those lower on the rank. Hehe.

Matt, Head of Operations

What did you bring in? A pair of size 15 black platform patent leather pumps.

How long have you had them and what made you keep them? I’ve had them for four years. Aside from their timeless and classic nature, they were the first pair of heels I ever owned and a gift from a good friend who had them custom-made via a human named Blondie.

Who is/isn’t allowed to touch these shoes? All are welcome to experience their glory.

Would you ever sell them? No — they’re sentimental!

What do you need strangers to know about them? While on the surface they are just a beautiful pair of shoes sized for a large-footed individual, they represent a pretty pivotal moment for me in terms of opening my mind to sartorially expressing myself beyond the bounds of traditional gendered clothing.

What do these heels say about you? That I am confident in my balancing abilities and love living on the edge. (Also that I’m not afraid of a sprained ankle?)

Have a good story about any of them? Less of a story and more of a newfound appreciation for every sorority girl I went to college with.

Nikki, Director of Ad Operations & Product

What do you collect? Medals from races that I’ve completed

When did you start this collection and what made you keep going? I did my first half marathon in 2008. I was so happy that I saved the medal and the bib from it. After that, I just started saving all of them and never stopped!

There’s no storage in NYC — where do you keep all of it? Thankfully, I have a ton of closet space. I hang them on a hook tucked behind a dresser in my closet.

Would you ever sell any of your medals? I don’t think anyone would buy one, but I want to hold onto these forever.

What do you need strangers to know about your collection? There’s an accompanying Google spreadsheet with the date, race type (run, cycling, tri), distance and results for all of my races.

Have a crazy story about any of them? One year I tried to do a half marathon every month. I got up to 10 and then a few storms wrecked my streak.

Patty, Head of Partnerships

What do you collect? Letters between my grandparents during their first year of marriage while my grandpa was in the service overseas and my grandma was pregnant with my dad.

What made you start this collection? I love letters. Reading them, writing them, receiving them, reading books with letters IN them. My aunt found these and, because of my letter obsession, gave them to me for safekeeping. I treasure them (and her, thank you Aunt Mary!).

In addition to these letters, I have most letters that anyone has ever written me: letters from my parents and brothers when I went away to college, love letters from past boyfriends, letters and postcards from friends. There are some meaningful letters that I’ve lost along the way, and I do miss them.

There’s no storage in NYC — where do you keep all of it? Um, in my apartment with no digital back up. I know, I know, working on it.

Would you ever sell any of it? How dare you.

What do you need strangers to know about it? That my grandma had the most beautiful handwriting in the entire universe, and she was a lefty!

What does your collection of letters say about you? Words matter to me. And I need to back up my shit more regularly.

Have a good story about any of the letters? There is one letter in there that my grandma wrote while she and my grandfather were dating. She was in college in Kansas, he in Indiana (her brother was his roommate). My favorite bit: “Tony, I got the lead in the play! I was so excited when I found out that I could scarcely think. It is really a tremendous part and will be quite a challenge. Thank you so much for your prayers. They really help.” I MEAN C’MON.

Starling, Social Media Intern

What do you collect? Star jewelry!

What made you start this collection? At first, it was accidental. I received a lot of gold jewelry as gifts. Then I started to realize that wearing the items when I started a new class or new job helped people remember my name.

How long has this collection been growing? I had a terrible nickel allergy growing up, so once the allergy faded and I was allowed to get my ears pierced, it was a BIG DEAL. I bought my first star earrings at the pharmacy in Canada where my sister and I got our ears pierced together.

Would you ever sell any of it? Nope.

What do you need strangers to know about it? My name isn’t STERLING. Or Sterlene. Or Charlene. Or Sternum (yes, I got that written on a Starbucks cup once).

What does your collection say about you? When I first learned to write my name, I was desperate to perfect my criss-cross star abilities. I knew I wanted to write my name with an actual star in it. It’s been my legal signature on my passports and every legal document. My sister Rein wrote her name with a raindrop on the ‘i’, my sister K’s name is just one letter long, and my sister Willow used to doodle a willow tree out of the ‘l’s, so name imagery was a big thing in my fam.

Have a good story about any of your stars? I wore the dangling star earrings (from Madewell) to my first day at Man Repeller, and so far I haven’t been called Sterling once!

Photos by Louisiana Mei Gelpi.

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