#my mental health is all over the place i start a new something every two days or less

[haknom]

THIS MUST BE MY DREAM — YANG JUNGWON

∿ 📋 SCORE SHEETS ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 Jungwon was living his best life at Earl View Academy. He was scoring the highest marks, dominating every exam, and ranking the top one out of every student. See, he was living his best life at Earl View Academy before you came along, destroying his reputation because of your similar level in academics. It had to be a dream, there was no way someone could compete with him. With that said, he immediately renamed you as the new student to his one and only arch nemesis.

∿ TOP RANKS ✂️ academic-rival!jungwon x fem!reader (ft. jungwon from enhypen, baekseung from epex, and minji from newjeans)

∿ EXAM REVIEW ⟡ insp by doctor slump, long fic, academic rivals to lovers, rivals to lovers, highschool au, nerds to lovers, fluff, crack, and angst.

∿ 📔 STUDY NOTES ୨ৎ swearing, bickering, mentions of pills (painkillers), skipping meals, fainting, crying, being sick, and mental health issues, lmk if i missed anything.

∿ NUMBER OF EXAM QUESTIONS 🎓 14980 words

∿ FEEDBACK . . . and with that said it’s finally done!!!!! took me two months cs i took so many breaks …. happy belated jungwon day? LMFAO… and tysm to @soov for proofreading all the way !!! love u rei <33

∿ STUDY PLAYLIST 🎶 click here!

RANK ONE.

In Earl View Academy, everyone wanted to live Jungwon’s life. He was a son everyone wanted—not his words—and that made him feel good about himself. Even if he was quite the goofball, he still aced all his assignments while having fun.

His life was perfect. 

“Jungwon!” His friend, Baekseung called, gaining his attention almost immediately. The boy looked over at his brown-haired friend with a smile, pausing the movements of his pencil gliding against his notebook. 

“Hm?” He hummed, waiting for his friend to continue talking. Baekseung took a seat on the window sill beside Jungwon as Minji walked into the classroom. 

“Did you see the banner they hung up? It has something to do with University, I believe.” He said as Minji walked towards them.

“Here.” She held out her phone, showing the boys a picture of the banner. It showcased a brief description of what to expect when applying to the University of Seoul and the date of submission—February 9th of 2024.

Jungwon’s birthday.

It was perfect timing, almost as if it was destined to be. His reputation at school and his relationship with his teachers would easily help him get accepted, right? 

“The acceptance rate is 40%, which isn’t all bad, but many people apply, so…” Minji explained, turning off her phone, and shoving it into her back pocket. Jungwon tapped his pencil against his chin to a random, yet consistent rhythm in his head.

Jungwon’s friends always enabled his confidence. He was aware of his smartness, but they made it seem bigger than it really was. 

“Although a lot of people apply, I’m sure you’ll get accepted. Your application will catch their eyes immediately, trust me.” 

Jungwon bit back a smile at Baekseung’s words, sending him an amused nod instead. 

“I’m sure it will.” He replied, returning his focus to his notes. Before his friends appeared, he was working on a few equations, to make sure they stuck with him for their test.

It was his way of studying; learn the materials in class and study them like his life depended upon it. 

It worked like a charm every time.

“I don’t get how you understand these things.” Baekseung said while peeking over at his work. Jungwon smiled, letting out a chuckle. 

He never did, it wasn’t anything new. 

“See, you start with your values, then you write out your formula and substitute your variables for your numbers—”

“Enough! You lost me at the word ‘values.’” He exclaimed, causing both Jungwon and Minji to laugh. 

“Hey, when you get accepted into the University of Seoul, don’t forget me.” Baekseung pleaded and leaned in with his hands desperately clasped together. 

“I won’t, I won’t.” 

Jungwon dropped his pencil, letting it lay flat on his notebook, and placed his hands on top of Baekseung’s.

“You have nothing to worry about.” He said, playing along with Baekseung’s act. 

“I don’t get how I was pulled into this trio,” Minji said, cringing at the sight before her.

“Yeah, me neither.” Baekseung smiled at Jungwon, then, removed his hands from underneath his, and returned to his spot on the window sill.

“Oh well, here we are now. You love us, right?” Jungwon teased, the cringing expression never leaving Minji’s face.

The two boys stared at her in silence, waiting for her response. They wouldn’t let her off the hook if she didn’t open her mouth to say anything.

“Fine. I do.” She replied, earning bright smiles from her friends in return. She shook her head, a small smile making its way to her face. 

It was impossible to avoid their faces. Even if they weren’t trying, they still managed to swoon her over with one look. They were unstoppable together.

Jungwon went back to studying as Minji and Baekseung playfully bickered over a past memory. It was a common occurrence, nothing new.

“I heard they’re selling Yakult in the cafeteria today!” A classmate said to their friend, gaining the three’s attention immediately.

They stopped what they were doing and looked at each other. They gave each other a look that only they could understand. There were no words shared, only their eyes held their words.

Soon after, Baekseung and Jungwon got up from their spots, following behind Minji who led them out of the classroom.

Yakult was their favourite thing ever. It was something all three of them could agree on—that they tasted delightful. Other than that, they all had different tastes in a way.

“Finally, they’re bringing it back!” Minji cheered, happier than ever. Baekseung, who stood in the middle, wrapped his arms around the two to pull them in closer.

“Do we have a plan?” He asked as Minji scoffed.

“Do we even need one? Just do whatever your mind tells you to.” She said and he nodded. 

“Smart choice.” 

The two conversed alone just as they did back in the classroom, except Jungwon wasn’t studying. He could’ve been included in their conversation right now, they weren’t excluding him at all.

He just didn’t pay attention. He didn’t even take note that they were talking because it all sounded muffled to him. 

All he paid attention to was his homeroom teacher who walked down the hallways, lips moving as if he was talking to someone, but Jungwon didn’t know who.

Once he walked past, it was then revealed. A girl stood fairly behind his homeroom teacher, catching Jungwon’s attention. 

He had no clue who she was, nor had he ever seen her face before, he ‘didn’t’ even care about what her name was, what time she arrived, what foods she liked, why she was wearing their school’s uniform, or what she had for breakfast.

All he cared about was how pretty she was, and fine, maybe what her name was too. Previously, if someone were to tell him about another being heaven-sent he wouldn’t understand them. 

Now, he really does because she, she was heaven-sent to him at least.

“You okay?” Baekseung asked, looking over at Jungwon’s dazed figure. He shook Jungwon with the arm that rested over his shoulder, startling the poor boy.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I’m okay.” 

Well, he hoped he was.

“Sweet, if I’m not wrong, lunch starts in about 3 minutes. Therefore, I believe we’ll be first…” Baekseung paused, his voice growing quieter at the sight before them.

“… In line.” His words were almost like a whisper. He was practically speechless at the line. At least 20 students were already waiting for their Yakult’s. 

“Yeah, um, maybe we do need a plan,” Minji said, regretting her previous words. There was no way they’d get through a line like this one. 

“Maybe? We 100% need a plan.” Baekseung said, his arms slipping off their shoulders. 

“I’m sure we’ll be fine if we just wait. It can’t be that bad—Woah! Okay. Maybe it is bad.” Jungwon’s reassuring words were cut off by his shocked ones. 

The line extended even further. How was that even possible?

“Hey, Min, what time is it?” Jungwon asked Minji as she checked her phone that previously sat in her back pocket. 

“11:37 AM.” She replied, still flabbergasted at the number of students waiting for their Yakult’s. 

“Do you think that will be enough time to visit the nearest convenience store and then come back?” Jungwon asked, desperate for an escape. He was still craving a Yakult, but they wouldn’t get one at this rate.

“It’s 27 (81 Fahrenheit) degrees Celsius outside…”  Baekseung muttered, mentally sweating at the thought. 

“We can get ice cream as well…” Jungwon whispered, scared that the line of students would overhear his words and run after them. 

What if they were craving ice cream too? It wasn’t just the three of them who were feeling hot.

“Smart choice. Yeah, let’s do that instead.” Minji cautiously walked away from the entrance of the cafeteria, careful not to make a sound as the two boys did the same.

Yes, they were being very dramatic right now, but that line of students was very intimidating.

The three returned to class with leftovers of their ice creams, hoping nobody would ask them for at least one lick—it was disgusting to know that they were serious.

“Oh, Jungwon,” Minji said, remembering something from earlier. Jungwon hummed in response, his mouth full of ice cream. 

“Did you even start your applications? Our midterms are soon, so I’m sure our guidance counsellors are going to approach you about it.” 

“Are you worried for me? Or do you want to use my application as a template for yours?” 

“I…” Minji stayed silent as Baekseung stifled a laugh. She sent him a glare, causing him to clear his throat. What was he laughing at? He was bound to do the same exact thing. 

“Fine, you caught me. But hey, I have no idea what I’m supposed to do!” She exclaimed as Jungwon chuckled, getting up from his seat to throw away his ice cream wrapper. 

“If you want, I can assist you—”

“Guys, guys!” A classmate shouted while running into the classroom shocked. Everyone’s heads turned to look at the said boy, more confused than ever. What lie was he about to spurt next?

“I just saw a pretty, pretty girl in the teacher’s office. I think she’s a new student.” He explained, however, nobody reacted.

“Are you lying to cover up the fact you were being scolded in the office?” Another classmate asked, causing laughs to erupt from other students in the room. Jungwon smiled to himself, that was a good one.

“I’m serious! I heard she might even be smarter than Jungwon!” The student exclaimed, causing Jungwon’s smile to falter and his pen to stop moving.

All eyes were focused on him as he slowly looked up at the shouting boy. 

“Eh, I’m sure there’s no one who can compare to his level!” Baekseung said, patting Jungwon on his shoulder and smiling. 

Jungwon was considered very smart for someone his age. It was a common compliment he received, but he didn’t hate it. It was quite ego-boosting.

“Everyone! Have a seat please.” Ms. Eun walked through the doors of their classroom, and another student walked in a few moments later. 

“Obviously, I’m sure you’re aware of the new student joining our class today! Please make (Name) (Last Name)  feel welcome in our classroom!” She explained as Jungwon’s eyes widened.

You were the same girl he saw in the hallways earlier. For some reason, his heart skipped a beat and his ears went numb at the sight of you.

“Oh, Jungwon. (Name) also got perfect on the entrance exam and was the top student at her old school. It must be great to meet someone at your level.” Ms. Eun smiled as all the emotions Jungwon had felt earlier plummeted.

So his classmate wasn’t lying. There was really someone who matched his skill of knowledge. 

You looked over at the boy Ms. Eun referred to, noticing the way his expressions switched. At first glance, he was calm, but his eyes said otherwise.

They held an emotion you’ve never seen in anyone else’s—a desire to win. And, of course, you wouldn’t let him achieve that goal of his.

If someone were to win and maintain that top student rank, it would be you and you only.

You two hadn’t even spoken to one another, but within those 2 minutes of staring into each other’s eyes, it was obvious you both saw each other as a threat.

No matter what, only one of you can have that title.

RANK TWO.

“Jungwon, you haven’t looked up from your notebook this whole class,” Minji said, turning around in her seat to face him.

“Literally! There’s not even a single test coming up. What is there to be reviewed at this point?” Baekseung chimed in with a frown.

Yet, Jungwon didn’t look up, easily proving their point. It had been a week since you first arrived at Earl View Academy. 

A week since Jungwon first felt threatened by your appearance. His life was perfect until you arrived.

His friends swore they hadn’t had one single hangout since then, but he said otherwise.

“You do know, you reviewing your notes while Minji and I converse without you, isn’t a hangout right?”

Jungwon’s pencil stopped moving for a brief moment, only to start up again at an even faster pace.

He couldn’t fall behind you. 

He glanced over at your focused state, glaring in the process. You seemed to be at ease and he wasn’t. 

That should’ve been him. 

What happened to the perfect life that everyone wanted to live? The one where he could be happy and carefree even while passing all his classes with 100s? 

“Don’t tell me you feel threatened—”

Jungwon’s pencil-led snapping silenced Baekseung’s voice almost immediately. He looked up at his friend, eyes darker than usual. There wasn’t his signature gleam that complimented his dimpled smile. He looked like he was ready to kill someone.

“Minji…” Baekseung called, signalling for her to take over the conversation. Sadly, that failed. She was just as scared as him.

“Hey, I could, uh… I could sharpen this for you!” She exclaimed, instead of continuing the same topic as before. 

She took the pencil out of his hold, but Jungwon silently searched his pencil case for another one.

He had no time to waste. He was almost done with his notes.

Minji took her seat again, placing the boy’s broken pencil beside his notebook with a soft, yet dragged-out ‘okay.’

There would’ve been no point in going anyway. 

“Dude, why don’t you let loose a bit?” A classmate said to their friend and began shaking their shoulders. 

“I can’t! You know how my mom is about my grades right now…” He mumbled, embarrassed. 

The boy from earlier grabbed his basketball that rolled under his desk and bounced it around him.

“I know you want to play basketball right now, but that’s okay. I’ll just play with Jungwon and his friends.” He informed his friend, turning to look at Jungwon who wasn’t paying attention.

“Yo, Jungwon! Catch this!” He shouted, alerting both of his friends, but him.

He passed the ball, expecting Jungwon—or even Baekseung—to catch the ball, however, there was nothing.

Instead, the loud thud of a ball hitting your head, echoed throughout the classroom. At least, that managed to catch Jungwon’s attention.

Your pen fell out of your hand, landing on the desk. Your ears began to ring as frustration—and a bit of lightheadedness—took over your system.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry.” The classmate said, making his way over to you with a worried look.

It was only your second day and you were making enemies.

Yet, you couldn’t bother to accept his apology. You looked at him with a facial expression that not even his mom had ever given him. He was terrified.

“Does this classroom look like a circus to you?” You asked as a throbbing pain slowly began to settle in your head. 

“Are you so unskilled that you can’t even hold a basketball properly? Actually, are you so childish to the point where you aren’t aware of classroom rules?” 

The atmosphere of the classroom vastly shifted. It was quite intense and unsettling. 

His mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water stunned by your words. He was speechless, how could he respond to that?

“Please leave me alone, you’d only be a distraction to my studies.” With that said, you returned to your work, acting as if the boy in front of you didn’t exist.

Jungwon’s brows furrowed at the sight, you were being so mean and for what? 

The boy shamefully walked back to his seat as all his friends held in their laughs. He was already embarrassed enough, their laughs only adding to the fire.

Forget what Jungwon said about you being heaven-sent, the Devil must’ve sent you instead. He swore if he stared even longer, horns would grow on your head at any given moment.

So, he looked away and continued taking his notes. 

“She seems mean,” Baekseung whispered to the two around him. Minji nodded in agreement, mentioning how she got chills from how you stared at the boy. 

You proceeded to rub at your temples in an attempt to force away the throbbing migraine coming your way. You couldn’t take a break from studying.

You had to finish reviewing this material before anything at all—not even a meal break was allowed in your Book of Rules.

“What do you guys want to do for lunch?” Baekseung asked, gaining Jungwon and Minji’s attention again. 

“I heard they’re going to play Basketball in the gym. You two should play as well!” Minji exclaimed, which only resulted in Jungwon’s head perking up at the sport.

“I’m down,” Jungwon said almost immediately. Baekseung and Minho’s eyebrows rose at his quick decision. It was almost as if he wasn’t studying his butt off while ignoring his two chattery friends a moment ago.

“Are you sure? I thought you had to revise your notes.” Baekseung verbalised his confusion as Jungwon began packing up his belongings.

“I already understand everything. A + B = X times 6–”

“Okay! Okay. No more Math, please.” Baekseung was quick to halt Jungwon’s equation with his index finger. He slowed down his pace when zipping up his backpack, taking in the words Baekseung uttered before. 

A smile made its way to the boy’s face at the realisation of his friend's confusion. Baekseung definitely had no clue what they were learning in class.

“Hurry! I don’t want to be late for team decisions.” He exclaimed, hopping off of the desk he sat on.

Jungwon waved off his friend’s pestering and walked out of the classroom, the two trailing behind him. 

You, on the other hand, struggled to focus on your work. The whole classroom was quiet and you were the only one left. Everyone had left for lunch, but you. 

Yes, you loved quiet, however your migraine didn’t. The accompanied silence only made your migraine throb even more, a faint mic feedback noise to back it up.

Almost like you had a fever.

You placed your pencil down beside your notebook on your desk and stood up from your seat. 

A quick stop at the nurse's office wouldn’t hurt anyone, right? It would benefit your studying session and get rid of your pain quite easily.

That was the only exception to your Book of Rules when it came to studying. Nothing else.

Jungwon shot the ball into the hoop, his hair and necktie flowing with his every movement. His uniform sleeves were rolled up, cuffed around the skin above his forearm, helping his gameplay style quite well.

Baekseung smiled at his friend, high-fiving him in the process. 

“Nice one! They won’t beat us at this rate.” He said, looking at the scoreboard that read 17-9. Maybe he wasn't exaggerating it like every other time.

Jungwon grinned, his dimples showing faintly. It wasn’t an all-tooth grin, more toothless. His lips were pursed into a thin line and his cheekbones were nearing his under eyes. It was enough to show his appreciation for his friend’s compliment.

His forehead was becoming a slightly sweaty state, causing his previously parted bangs to clump together and loosely stick to the damped skin.

There were 8 more points until the match was done. They didn’t have much time to play 4 full quarters, so they made a bet; first to 25 wins. 

Sadly, no rewards could have been won by the players, making this Basketball game more enjoyable than competitive. 

Jungwon didn’t have enough time though, he would almost need to return to studying quite soon. Seriously, he couldn’t fall behind someone like you.

“Baek,” Jungwon whispered, hoping it was enough to gain his friend’s attention who stood across from him on the court, but it wasn’t enough at all. 

“Baekseung!” Jungwon called while raising his voice a bit over his usual tone. The said boy looked over with widened eyes in shock.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Jungwon said, fighting back a snicker at his friend’s startled state.

“Well, I have to go now. Tell Min I said bye too.” He said and walked past Baekseung, patting his shoulder as a way of saying goodbye. 

As he walked out of the gymnasium doors, he shook his head, causing his hair strands to move around, some still sticking on his forehead.

He stretched his limbs and began revising the lesson from earlier. 

The hallways were empty, leaving him with more of a quiet atmosphere to focus on his thoughts. 

Jungwon’s lips moved, soft whispers of equations and problems leaving them. If there were other people here, they would give him the dirtiest looks right now. He most definitely looked psychotic. 

Luckily, there wasn’t anyone. Yet.

The sound of the door sliding shut caught his attention and he looked up to see where it came from. 

The nurse’s office was always a popular spot in their school, so it wasn't a shock that someone was leaving the room at this exact moment. 

Surprisingly, it was a shock to him. He never thought you were the type to leave your desk ever.

Your brows furrowed at the sight before you. 

A sight of disgust.

Yang Jungwon was the last person you wanted to see with your throbbing migraine. He was all sweaty, his hair glistened from the sweat droplets that stuck onto the strands, his necktie was loose, his uniform was dishevelled, and his face was a light shade of red due to the hotness of the gymnasium.

He looked disgusting.

Jungwon had no clue as to why you were glaring at him. He wasn’t the reason you ended up visiting the nurse’s office, so why were you giving him such a dirty look?

He should be the annoyed one at this exact moment. After all, you were the one who moved to Earl View Academy and ruined his ‘perfect’ life.

He looked back at you with a confused yet irritated expression on his features as the two of you stood in silence.

Jungwon’s eyes looked over your appearance, noticing how your hand was propped against your chest and holding an item he had seen before.

Your eyes followed his gaze and then widened at realisation. Out of reflex, you hid the painkillers behind your back, not wanting to come off as weak towards him.

You couldn’t let him see you as someone who wasn’t that much of a threat to his academic success. 

In silence, you turned around, moving the pill bottle to your chest again, and made your way back to the classroom. For some reason, your movements aggravated Jungwon’s previous calm state.

God, he hated you so much. He couldn’t believe he once thought you were pretty—it would be a lie if he said he still didn’t. That didn’t matter though, you could be pretty and still have a snotty attitude. 

That was a perfect description for you.

Although you thought you left Jungwon behind in front of the nurse’s office, to your dismay, you didn’t. 

There he was, standing at the doorway of your once previous quiet study room—or in other words, your homeform classroom.

You rolled your eyes after noticing him at the doorway and looked back at your notes. 

He ignored your response to his presence and took a seat at his desk near the window. Jungwon slipped his hand into his backpack, grabbing his pencil case and notebook in the process.

A tense silence followed the two of you as you flipped your pages in sync and continued writing down more things in sync.

You were pausing more than he was due to the pain in your head which only slowed down your movements even more. Yes, you planned on taking the painkillers, but not when he was around.

Still, you couldn’t hold back. You had to do it or else you wouldn’t be able to study one bit. 

Although the painkillers mentioned eating a meal before intaking the pills, you refused to follow the instructions. You had no time to take a break and find something to fill your stomach, especially when you were already falling behind Jungwon’s studying pace.

You reached for your bottle of water off your desk and popped a pill in your mouth, scarfing down water right after. 

Jungwon looked up at the sound of pills shaking in a bottle. It was obvious it came from you, you were the only other person in the classroom.

It seemed like the basketball to your head earlier really took a toll on you. He didn’t blame you though, it truly did sound like it hurt.

Except, that wasn’t the only thing he noticed. Even if he was in one place all lunch, it seemed like you didn’t leave your seat at all. It was kept the exact same like he last saw it before lunch time.

Luckily, the sound of your stomach growling was enough to answer his unsaid question as he watched your ears turn a shade of red.

As much as you tried to pretend that didn’t happen, you were tremendously embarrassed. Still, you couldn’t eat. 

Not yet at least.

“You didn’t hear that.” You mumbled, hoping it was loud enough for Jungwon to catch. He hummed in response while eyeing his work, not paying much attention to your silly incident. 

He knew how embarrassing it could have been, so it was best not to engage. 

Thankfully, God was on your side, ringing the bell a few seconds after Jungwon had hummed. 

Soon after, students began flooding into the classroom and heading to their seats in loud crowds. 

Therefore, your quiet time with the last person you wanted to spend it with, had ended. 

RANK THREE. 

“Jungwon and (Name), please come up and answer the questions on the board.” 

Great. 

It was only 10:30 AM on a Wednesday, and yet you were already going head-to-head with your rival.

Jungwon confidently made his way to the chalkboard and picked up a piece of chalk from the ledge. 

You, on the other hand, paused for a moment after getting up from your seat. You were suddenly feeling lightheaded, and that was never a good sign.

However, if you didn’t make it over fast enough, he would for sure beat you in a blink. And so, you did. You rushed over and picked up a chalk stick, then began writing.

It was a simple equation to you, but to everyone else who didn’t understand the lesson, it wasn’t. It was way more complex to them than how it really was.

Jungwon was already halfway through answering the question whilst you haven’t even started. You wrote the given values on the side to keep track of the numbers you would use. 

Easy, right?

Not quite. 

You couldn’t focus at all even if there were no distractions nor was it loud in your classroom. 

The only thing you could hear was the harsh sounds of Jungwon pressing his chalk against the board after he reached a new step. 

Your ears became sensitive to any sound, causing you to even take note of the rhythm his piece of chalk followed when gliding against the blackboard. It was irritating you and annoying.

As much as you wanted to stop him from writing, you couldn’t because it was impossible. Your hand wouldn’t move one bit. Your vision became blurry, eyes fluttering shut and opening in a pattern. 

“I think I’m going to faint.” You whispered, your words falling deaf on all ears, aside from Jungwon’s.

He didn’t pay much attention to your sentence, brushing it off as a dumb remark about his handwriting or something. 

Truthfully, his calligraphy wasn’t the best when it came to using chalk, so you wouldn’t be wrong if you were to say something mean about it. He would only end up agreeing in the end.

Everything stilled for a brief moment before you lost your feeling in your hands, dropping the piece of chalk you held, and falling against the hardwood floor right after.

Gasps were emitted from your classmates—ones you couldn’t even hear—as Jungwon stilled his movements at the loud thud which caused him to flinch slightly.

Jungwon looked down as he still pressed the chalk on the board, his eyes widening and blood draining from his face at the sight.

“(Name)?” Your teacher called, hurriedly making her way towards your unconscious figure. However, there was no response.

“Hey, Jungwon, you were on the track team last year, right?” Ms. Ling asked as he nodded, swallowing and hoping the nauseated feeling in his stomach would disappear.

Spoiler alert—it didn’t. 

“Could you run her to the nurse’s office, please?” She asked, leaving the boy with no other choice but to say yes. If he were to say no, he would seem like a villain, and he couldn’t let that happen.

“Okay.” He mumbled and placed the chalk on the ledge before crouching down, slipping an arm under your legs, and wrapping one around your back for extra support.

To his surprise, you were awfully light. A little too light for an average person. It was quite concerning.

Jungwon shook his head, making all his thoughts disappear in the process. He had no time to waste, he had to get you to the nurse’s office quickly—his teacher’s words, not his.

He slid open the door with his foot, shocked that he even managed to succeed himself, and placed you on an unoccupied bed.

Mrs. Oh, the nurse, emerged from her office with a concerned look after noticing the rush Jungwon was in. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked before seeing you who lied unconsciously on the bed. 

“She fainted a few moments ago in class.” He explained while running a hand through his hair, followed by a sigh.

“Fainted?” The nurse asked and made her way to your still figure, reaching out to touch your pulse points.

“I don’t think it’s a fatal issue. Just hang around for a bit, I’ll run some short tests then you can tell your teacher why she fainted.” Mrs. Oh said as Jungwon nodded. 

He could just ask for the notes from Minji after class. 

A few moments later, Mrs. Oh returned with a clipboard in her hand and a concerned look on her face.

“Is it bad?” Jungwon asked, slightly worried about her response.

“Oh, no.” Mrs. Oh said, reassuring the boy, then opened her mouth to say something else.

“Thing is, she hasn’t eaten for the last two days.” 

What?

RANK FOUR.

Jungwon walked down the hallways of the school, heading to the vending machine nearby. Mrs. Oh’s words replayed in his head many times. It had been a day since your visit to the nurse’s office, but he was still hooked on Mrs. Oh’s discovery.

He didn’t know why he cared that you hadn’t eaten for two days. That was your problem not his.

Yet, he couldn’t help but feel quite worried about your health. How the hell were you still at his level of academic achievements even if you weren’t eating to fuel your brain?

It was crazy. Not even he could survive an hour without a small snack to keep him going. So, how did you even manage to survive?

More of Mrs. Oh’s words flooded through Jungwon’s head, mainly focusing on the fact she put him in charge of making sure you were eating.

Was it not obvious you two hated each other? Well, maybe not since you were fast asleep, but to him it was.

What the hell was he supposed to do to monitor your food intake? Buy you snacks and drinks from the vending machines at their school? 

Actually… that wasn’t such a bad idea. It could work for him, but would it work for you? Would you even accept his offers?

You were hard to work with in the first place. There was no way he would follow upon Mrs. Oh’s request. That was your problem and only yours. Not his.

Nevertheless, that didn’t explain the fact he was currently punching in the number two into the vending machine, expecting two granola bars to follow through the hole.

Of course, it wouldn’t be enough to fill him up this lunch, but he had no other choice. He was already exhausted enough from playing football outdoors, leaving him with no more energy to wait in line for food in the cafeteria.

He grabbed the granola bars and made his way to room 116—his home room. 

He was excited for the peace and quiet he was about to experience. Nobody ever came to school this early. It was 7:30 AM after all.

School started at 8:20 AM. 

If you were to show up at the bell, he could save the granola bar until lunch and give it to you when the room was empty.

Nobody could know that he was interacting with you, especially not after you two made it clear you wanted nothing to do with each other.

“Oh, hey, Jungwon! It’s been quite a bit since I saw you first thing in the morning.” A faculty member said, greeting the boy. He smiled at the teacher and nodded.

It wasn’t a lie. Jungwon always came early, yes, but he never went straight to class. He was either shooting hoops in the gym or doing his morning jog around the track in the field.

The September breeze blew the trees outside as Jungwon watched the leaves sway while walking to class. The windows in the hallways were wide, emitting a bright light into Earl View Academy.

It really suited the vibe he was going for.

But you didn’t.

Jungwon noticed your focused figure, his mood dropping immediately. He was glad you were okay, but not glad that you were in class.

He wanted alone time today, nothing else.

Jungwon put on a straight face, avoiding eye contact with you while walking to his seat. He swiftly placed the granola bar on your desk and moved away as if he didn’t.

You looked down at the granola bar, then to the boy who walked away in silence.

Before you could say anything, he was quick to silence your ‘irritating’ voice.

“Just eat it. Mrs. Oh is making me monitor your meals even if I don’t want to.” 

He said without any other explanation. You looked back at the granola bar, hearing Jungwon sit down and begin opening his snack due to the loud rustling of the wrapper.

Instead of doing the same, you pushed the granola bar to the side and returned back to your studies. Once again, your ‘Book of Rules’ said no meals until you were done reviewing.

Jungwon opened his notebook, flipping through the filled pages to find an empty one and begin his studying. He was holding the granola bar in one hand and eating at the same time.

It wasn’t hard at all, which only confused him since you weren’t doing the same.

“Aren’t you going to eat it?” He asked, but you ignored him, staring into your notebook in silence. 

The boy scoffed, looking out the window in disbelief. He doesn’t even know why Mrs. Oh trusted him with this ‘task’. He couldn’t say no though, he would have felt guilty to face her again.

Honestly, he was still shocked at the news from yesterday. What did she mean you didn’t eat for 2 days? 

Was this an often routine of yours? Was that why you were so concerningly light when he carried you? You were always studying and never seemed like you took any breaks, which only left him wondering.

Seriously, did you ever eat?

“What?” You asked, stiffening and turning around to look at the bow. There was a look of annoyance present on your face, only causing Jungwon to stare back in confusion.

“What?” He questioned back. Why were you looking at him like that even after you blatantly ignored him a moment ago?

“Why is it your business if I ever eat or not?” 

Hold on. Did Jungwon think aloud earlier? Was that why you were acting this way?

“I…” He said, fumbling over his words. Truly, how should he respond to that? You weren’t wrong about it not being his business to care—even if you didn’t say that. 

He didn’t want to care if you did or not. Still, he couldn’t explain why he was so curious about it. 

“Mrs. Oh told me in the nurse’s office that you fainted because your last meal was two days ago…” Jungwon began as your brows furrowed.

“So? Why should you care if that were to happen or not?” You asked.

Once again, you weren’t wrong.

“You’re telling me, you wouldn’t be a little bit concerned about someone who hadn’t eaten for 2 days?” 

“If it was part of my business, sure, but if it’s not, then no.”

Jungwon pursed his lips, unsure of what to say next. He tried to think of it, but it ended up coming out on his own. He would definitely regret this later.

“Why?” He started.

“Why do you do that?” 

You remained silent and so did he. There was an obvious tension in the air and the both of you felt it easily.

You averted your eyes away from his overpowering gaze, suddenly feeling all fragile due to his sudden question. 

“Mind your own business.” You mumbled before turning around to face your desk again. 

Normally, you’d return to studying immediately, but this time you were quiet as you stared at your notebook.

You always had answers for questions. Always. However, nobody had ever asked you a question like that, and for some reason, you couldn’t find an answer for it.

Jungwon sighed and shook his head. He didn’t blame you for not answering and getting all defensive instead. It was a question that could pry into anyone’s private life, and obviously, you two were nowhere near a basis like that.

“At least eat the granola bar. I don’t want Mrs. Oh on my ass about anything.” He said before picking up his pencil and writing on his plain notebook. 

At the sound of his words, your gaze shifted to the pink wrapper on the granola, noticing how it was strawberry flavoured, one of your favourites. 

Maybe you could reconsider eating the snack he got you even if it was going against your rules. It was obvious he wouldn’t leave you alone if you didn’t.

You unwrapped the granola bar, making sure to not crush the treat inside as the bell went so suddenly.

You were both shocked at how much time went past at such a fast pace as a certain thought crossed your mind.

It was time to start another school day.

RANK FIVE.

Ever since that day, Jungwon continuously dropped you off snacks in a discreet manner. 

Although you never wanted to eat them, he made you. Your secret rule was slowly being forgotten because of his actions.

“Hey,” he called from his window seat, causing you to remove an earbud from your ear.

“Are you allergic to anything?” 

“Why?” 

Jungwon stared at you in silence. Were you really asking him that question?

“So I don’t get you anything that’ll kill you…” He said in a tone of disbelief, but you didn’t react.

“Why are you still doing this? Mrs. Oh must’ve forgotten about my visit by now. You can stop.” 

You turned away and continued writing in your notebook, leaving Jungwon baffled.

He hated how you were never wrong. Mrs. Oh definitely forgot about your visit from a few weeks ago, but Jungwon couldn’t stop his habit of giving you snacks. 

Why?

“You’re telling me you rather faint continuously?” Jungwon asked, halting the hand that went to put your earbud in your ear.

“That’s not a healthy habit. Seriously, you’re going to end up visiting the ER next.”

“As if that hasn’t happened before.” You mumbled and successfully put your earbud in your ear.

Jungwon’s face contorted in confusion, unsure of what you had said. It didn’t seem like the remark he expected, but he shrugged it off. 

Whatever.

“Jungwon!” Baekseung exclaimed, running up to the boy and hugging him from behind.

Jungwon stumbled over his feet at the sudden embrace as Minji chuckled from behind the two.

“You’re acting like you haven’t seen him in a decade.” She said, crossing her arms once she reached them.

The hallway they stood in was empty—aside from the 3 being there. 

Jungwon wasn’t even aware that he was in the hallway at the moment. His mind was elsewhere when he left the classroom.

Yes, he said he didn’t care about what you said, but he secretly did.

Did he hit a nerve or did he hit one of your soft spots? For the last few weeks, it was obvious there was a lot to you that nobody knew of, yet, Jungwon was close to finding them out.

He felt bad due to your reaction from earlier and a few days ago. Maybe he should really watch what he says from now on.

“What’s up? Do you have your head up in the clouds or something?” Baekseung asked, teasingly.

Jungwon shook out of his thoughts and looked at the boy.

“That was terrible. Never say that again.” He said, causing Baekseung to frown and Minji to laugh.

“Still, he’s right. What’s up with you lately?” Minji asked.

The three walked down the hallways, passing time before their next period started. 

“What do you mean what’s up with me?” He asked, confused at their questions. 

“You’re constantly spacing out today. Plus, you’re never running or playing basketball outside in the mornings either. I haven’t seen you for a bit every time I arrive at school.” Baekseung explained.

“Dude!” He exclaimed, tapping Jungwon’s shoulder to bring him back from his trance. 

Jungwon looked over at Baekseung, startled from the harsh tap.

“What was that for?!” He exclaimed.

“You were doing it again. Seriously, what’s up with you?” 

The three remained silent upon Baekseung’s question; Minji and Baekseung waited for Jungwon’s response while he thought of one.

What the hell was he supposed to say? 

“Is it her?” Minji asked, chiming into Jungwon’s thoughts.

“Your rival.” She added after seeing Jungwon’s confused face.

He didn’t reply to her question, instead he stayed quieter than ever. Not a peep came out of his mouth. They were almost sure he stopped breathing too.

“So it is! I knew it. Pay up, Baekseung.” Minji said with a bright smile on her face while holding her hand out in front of Baekseung.

Baekseung frowned, glaring at Jungwon as he reached into his pocket for the 10 dollar bill he promised Minji. She looked at the buck, facing the light in case it was fake.

“It’s not fake!” He exclaimed as she chuckled. 

“You never know.” Minji said and slipped the $10 into her pocket.

“Wait, you guys placed a bet on me?” Jungwon asked in disbelief.

“Well, yeah. I bet that you liked (Name) and Baekseung said you were just hooked on your university applications.” Minji said, leaning closer to Jungwon. 

“He knows nothing about love.” 

“I do!” Baekseung blurted, embarrassed at Minji’s remark. She looked over at her and shushed him with a finger on his lip.

“No, you don’t. Just accept that.” 

Jungwon shook his head, still shocked at what his friends managed to do. Why would he even be hooked on his university applications if he was 100 percent sure he’d get accepted?

Plus, liking you was definitely out of his range. Wait, liking you?

“I don’t like her! What made you ever think that?!” He exclaimed, his hands flying up in defence. 

“Yes. Yes, you do. Don’t fear it, Jungwon.” 

Minji looked over at the boy with a teasing smile. Jungwon was a little terrified at the look Minji gave him with her finger still over Baekseung’s lips.

She truly seemed psychotic. 

He began speed walking away from the two with hopes that he could escape the so-called assumptions. How would Minji know he liked you before he even knew himself? 

Pfft, she was completely wrong.

Jungwon looked at the board, writing his last bits of notes with small diagrams to go along with them. 

He was starving, but luckily, lunch was soon. 

Speaking of lunch, he wondered what snack he should bring you today. You refused to tell him what you were allergic to, so he couldn’t just get you anything.

He looked up from his notebook, stealing a glance at your seat.

Well, he thought it was your seat, but instead, there was someone slouched over the desk instead.

He continued looking around for you, maybe you switched seats without him knowing? 

No, that couldn’t be it. He saw you in the same seat this morning before classes. So, was it really you who was slouched over the desk?

That was surprising. You were always the one to be over the top when it came to education, yet, here you were knocked out mid-lesson.

“For homework, please complete pages 4 and 6. Enjoy your day everyone!” The teacher said while closing their lesson planner and leaving the classroom.

The bell sounded, signalling that lunch had begun while Baekseung and Minji took that as a chance to bother their friend, Jungwon.

“Hey!” Baekseung cheered, sitting down on the window sill like always.

Jungwon looked up at the boy with a smile as Minji turned around in her seat. 

“Seems like you don’t have much of a competition anymore.” She said, silently hinting at the girl who was fast asleep—you.

Not even the bell woke you up. You must’ve had a rough night then.

Even if it had been 5 seconds since Minji spoke, Jungwon’s eyes never left you. He was genuinely concerned for your wellbeing.

“Baekseung, didn’t you say you wanted to go to the fast food restaurant nearby for lunch today?” Minji asked, looking up at the boy who stared back in confusion.

“What—” 

Minji silenced him with a light slap on his leg, sending him a glare and mouthed the words ‘play along.’

“Oh, yeah! I’ve been craving a burger all day.” Baekseung blurted while nonchalantly rubbing on his leg and dragging out the word ‘all.’

“Jungwon, did you want anything from the fast food restaurant?” Minji asked and looked at him.

But he was still stuck in his trance. 

“We’ll get him fries.” She whispered to the boy on the window sill. The two left as quietly as they could, leaving you and Jungwon alone in the classroom.

He observed your silent state, watching how your back raised softly as you breathed. The sunlight from the windows shined on your face, making your eyelashes more visible than others.

You looked so peaceful and so relaxed. It was the first time he had ever seen you this calm and not stuffing your head in your notebooks, rubbing at your temples in a stressful way, harshly sighing and placing your pencil down when you were feeling tired or didn’t understand the formula. It was a great sight.

Jungwon was so focused on you that he didn't notice the smile on his face.  

He was smiling because of his arch nemesis. Well, could he even call you his arch nemesis if he cared about you so much?

Probably not.

The vending machine beeped as the four items hit the bottom of it. Jungwon reached down to grab the items and made his way back to class.

Was he out of his mind for still getting you snacks? Possibly. But he couldn’t stop himself, it became a habit of his. 

At least you never wasted the snacks he got you. There was one point of the day where you would eat them casually, not even paying much attention to the item in your hold. It became a habit of yours too.

Eventually, the rule became forgotten, but only at school. It still affected you at home.

You woke up in a panic. The classroom you sat in was empty, just like your notebook. The one you significantly chose for the subject.

You looked around, eyes squinting at the bright light from the uncovered windows, taking in the fact nobody—not even Jungwon—was with you. 

Great. You were so behind—something you hated.

You panicked, looking at the board to only be met with erase marks of today’s lesson. There was no way you could scavenge with something so little. 

Out of habit, you looked down at your desk and rubbed at your temples with your fingers, more stressed out than ever.

You couldn’t fall behind nor could you fail. That was your worst nightmare. Did your parents care if you were to fail a class or fall behind? Not at all. They only cared about you and your health, yet you hated that.

Honestly, growing up, you tended to be naturally good at the things you did. Your parents were, of course, super proud of you, but you didn’t think it was enough. 

You never thought anything was enough.

So, studying continuously, fainting continuously, and even starving yourself continuously became a natural routine of yours just to seek academic validation.

If you weren’t at the top of your class or your studies, you weren’t sure how your future would turn out. You would probably end up lower than ever.

No wonder you were so frustrated with yourself. How could you slack off, let alone fall asleep all class? That was so not like you. 

You were very disappointed.

The feeling of a sudden coldness on your arm made you jolt. You looked up, wondering where it came from, only to notice the boy who stood before you, Yang Jungwon.

You both looked into each other’s eyes—for the first time, you weren’t glaring. Your vision was quite blurry because of the tears that threatened to fall while he could see you perfectly fine. 

He nonchalantly placed the beverage on your desk followed by the poptart. He then made his way to his seat and sat down silently.

You stared at the two items on your desk, holding back your tears. There was nothing about the bottled coffee or the poptart that made you emotional, it was yourself and Jungwon.

You were jealous of him.

The more you attended Earl View Academy, the more you noticed how everyone adored the boy. Everyone, including staff members.

He made friends quite easily and got along with anyone possible.

However, you were the complete opposite. You had your own circle which consisted entirely of yourself and your studying materials, nothing else.

You rarely conversed with anyone, but when you did, it was always harsh. Things easily ticked you off, causing you to confront the so-called things pretty quickly.

Due to this, you were never envisioned as someone who was approachable. Even if you were on top of your studies and understood everything going on, not even many teachers took a liking to you.

It was rare to see one that did. 

There were a few times where you tried to maintain certain friendships, but they all ended quite fast. Their reasonings were always the same—you never had time to hang out with them, but you always had time to study.

They eventually fell tired of you and left you behind to befriend someone else. They always regretted even trying something with you because it always turned out to be a ‘waste of their time.’

Jungwon placed his opened notebook on your desk so you could copy down the notes he took in class.

“The homework is page 4 and 6 today. If you don’t understand anything, I could explain it to you if you want.” He said before walking back to his seat. 

He shouldn’t be this helpful to you. You two were ‘rivals’ after all—something you both silently yet mutually agreed on. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help himself. Even the sight of your tear filled eyes managed to make him feel a bit hurt.

He probably wasn’t even the cause of it, yet he felt like he was.

“How do you do it?” You asked, catching him off guard. He looked up from his phone and at the back of your head because you refused to face him in such a vulnerable state. 

“Do what? Oh, the work? Hold on, let me—”

“Not that.” You said, interrupting him as he halted in his tracks.

“…Then what?” He asked hesitantly. He genuinely had no clue what you meant. Either Jungwon couldn’t read between the lines, or he was just too stupid.

“How do I be like you?” 

RANK SIX.

Jungwon stood in silence, stunned at your sudden question. He was never asked such a thing from someone like you. 

Children were always the one to ask him that exact question, which only left him with one possible answer every time.

“You’re already like me. Smart and strong.”

It was very cringey, but every child felt confident after hearing his words. Still, you were nowhere near a child, so how could he respond to your question?

“What do you mean?” Was all he could think of. He didn’t want you to seem weak or anything, so he kept it simple and short.

Maybe an elaboration would help him with an answer next time.

“You’re so… perfect. All staff members and students adore you, or even look up to you. You always balance your time, making enough space to hangout with your friends and study at the same time. You’re athletic, smart, most likely a great son, and your parents are probably so proud of you for maintaining the top student rank continuously.” You ranted, leaving him flattered and quite flustered but confused at the same time.

“Perfect?” He asked, genuinely curious about what made you think that. 

“Yes, you’re so perfect. I’m jealous of you.” You added, finishing off your sentence while turning to face him. 

“You’re jealous of me?” 

Truly, in Jungwon’s eyes there was nothing about him to be jealous of. He had his own ups and downs, but managed to keep his composure around his friends and many others.

“Honestly, (Name), you’re fine the way you are. Yes, you have some unhealthy habits, but that doesn’t mean they can’t change.” Jungwon said while walking towards the seat in front of you. 

“I wouldn’t say I’m perfect either. Of course, I’m going to sound a bit cringey, but all of us have things we don’t show. Like, I could’ve cried on my way to class.” 

“Did you?”

“Did I do what?” Jungwon asked while taking a seat. 

“Oh. No, that was just an example. I would never cry where people could see or hear.” 

His eyes slightly widened as he raised his hands up in defence. 

“I didn’t mean you shouldn’t! Do whatever you feel comfortable with.” He said, hoping he didn’t offend you.

You used your sleeves to wipe away the few tears that managed to fall, then looked at the boy in front of you. 

“I don’t know why I’m about to tell you this, but I really need to get it off my chest.” 

“Go on,” Jungwon said in a soft voice.

Although he waited for you to speak, you hesitated. Could you even trust him? You two started off as rivals, and still were rivals, but didn’t show it as much.

Whatever, speaking your mind wouldn’t hurt.

“Honestly, it’s not that I need to be on top of my work for my parents to adore me, they do. They very much do and show it every day, but it’s me who thinks it is not enough.” You said.

“I believe if I’m distracted, I won’t be able to achieve my academic goals to the fullest, you know?” 

Jungwon nodded even if he didn’t get what you meant. He understood achieving your academic goals, but not to the point where he couldn’t do so if he were distracted.

“I mean, yeah, but considering eating meals or taking breaks as a distraction isn’t good for your mental health—or your health in general,” Jungwon explained as your eyes narrowed.

“Are you scolding me right now?” 

“Quite literally.” 

You rolled your eyes at Jungwon’s words, waving them off as if they meant nothing. 

“Pretend this didn’t happen. Tell anyone, and I’ll make sure your life in Earl View Academy is almost unbearable.” You threatened, sending daggers at the boy.

“How so?” He asked, curious as to what tricks you could pull.

“I’ll beat you on every test, I’ll beat you on the final exam, and even make sure you don’t get accepted into University of Seoul.” 

“Okay… However, in return, you have to at the very least tell me what you’re allergic to.” Jungwon said with pleading eyes.

You were shocked that was all he wanted in return. He really wanted to know what you were allergic to, but why? What good would that bring him if he knew what you could and couldn’t eat?

“Why are you so curious about that?”

“Dude, you really want me to end up killing you?” His words sounded like he was joking, but he wasn’t.

“No… I could just eat what I know I can and what I know I can’t.” 

Jungwon continued to stare at you, waiting for you to give him the actual answer he wanted. You sighed and gave into his silent begs.

“There’s nothing.”

He remained quiet, his head tilting like a lost cat.

“There’s nothing that I’m allergic to. I’ll eat anything.” You informed the boy as he held back a smile.

“Perfect.” He whispered before grabbing the notebook he gave you earlier.

“What do you mean by perfect?” You asked, causing Jungwon to glance at you with a slight smile on his lips.

“You’ll see.”

RANK SEVEN.

To be honest, yesterday you went home wondering what Jungwon was hinting at.

He pretended as if he had never brought up anything and proceeded to teach you today’s materials. It was annoying.

Yes, you wanted to know badly, but begging wouldn’t even get him to tell you anything. 

You adjusted your name tag while looking in the mirror, wondering what else you should fix up.

There was 5 minutes before you had to leave for school. Five minutes before you would get to see Jungwon.

You had no clue why you were a bit excited to see him. Usually, you never were. It was weird.

Part of you was glad he listened to what you had to say yesterday, it felt nice to get it off your chest. However, the other part of you felt ecstatic and let your heart thump even at the thought of seeing the boy.

What happened to the part of you that deeply hated him? 

You couldn’t start liking Jungwon. At least, not when there was a possibility that he still hated you or saw you like his competition.

Right?

Jungwon stretched his limbs before reaching down to tie his laces. It had been a while since he ran around the track in the morning. He wanted to see if he still had it in him. 

He couldn’t let his stamina fall because of his so-called continuous studying habits. It was also a great way to get his mind off of things, for example, you.

After yesterday’s conversation, for some reason he felt terrible about what you said. Was it his fault? No. But obviously, there was a time and place where he was in the same boat as you.

Trust him, it wasn’t the best.

This morning, he woke up extra earlier than usual because he had a lot to do—cook. He hand picked a recipe he believed you both would enjoy, and cooked all morning so it was nice and fresh by lunch.

It was way better than constantly getting snacks from the vending machine. Now, you could actually gain nutrients while eating. 

He was very excited.

But why? Why was he excited to share a meal with you? There wasn’t anything going on between, aside from your quiet studying times halfway through lunch, the conversation from yesterday, and the times you two have been paired up or went head-to-head in class.

Other than that, what was there to really be excited about?

Jungwon slowed down his pace, then leaned over while placing his hands on his knees to catch his breath.

Or was he just excited to see you? What was the meaning of all this? 

Were you the reason his heart raced as if he did his morning runs whenever he was in class? Were you the reason he was always planning what he wanted to buy the two of you on his way to school? He rarely ever did that when you didn’t attend Earl View Academy.

So, were you really the reason?

You took a seat at your desk, pulling out your studying equipment—a normal routine of yours. You always arrived at the same time, 7:30 AM, with Jungwon arriving a little after.

Shockingly, even with 5 minutes passing, he didn’t appear. That was odd, he was always on time.

You shook your head, brushing off the fact he hadn’t arrived yet. The things he taught you yesterday were the only materials you had to review this morning.

You couldn’t fall behind so easily. 

When you went home, you decided to take a break. A was a rare sight since you were always studying all night and all morning, nobody could stop you.

But for some reason, Jungwon was able to change part of your ‘unhealthy’ studying habits. At your old school, it was impossible for that to happen. Not even your short-term friendships changed anything.

It was the same old ‘Book of Rules’ you followed with no updates. 

The door slid open, showcasing an exhausted Jungwon. He walked over to the seat in front of you and placed the two snacks in an empty spot on your desk then took a seat.

It wasn’t at his actual desk, instead, it was the one in front of you. 

“Why do you seem so tired?” You asked, noticing his droopy eyes.

“I ran around the track today. It’s been a while since I’ve done it, so I guess I pushed my limits.” He explained while yawning. He stretched his arms before examining your desk; there was a partially empty space at the edge of your desk. 

It looked like it could fit most of his arms and head.

“Can I?” He questioned while gesturing at the spot from earlier. You nodded, not giving him any other reaction. 

Your heart was already racing from the ‘close’ proximity he provided. You had to keep it lowkey.

“Thanks. Wake me up a few minutes before the bell.” He said and dozed off to dreamland.

The classroom fell silent, the only thing being heard was the rustling leaves from the wind that travelled through the sky, your pencil gliding on the piece of paper you wrote on, sounding like music to Jungwon’s ears.

It was a relaxing sound. Not even close to irritating.

There were moments where you snuck in a few glances, noticing the way his face looked peaceful and less irritating than when he was wide awake. His breathing was at a usual pace as his back rose and fell at his command.

He was quite the pretty sleeper.

The formula of your work suddenly started to not make any sense. You searched the article you were looking at, realisation only hitting you a bit after.

You were working on your English, not Math. No wonder your formulas weren’t making any sense. Clearly, with how close Jungwon was to you, it was obvious you couldn’t think straight.

How often did someone mix up English work with Mathematics? It was never that often, and yet, you still managed to make the mistake.

You picked up your highlighter, forgetting about the embarrassing situation from earlier, and began highlighting simple concepts that you would need to remember when answering the questions.

Without you knowing, 30 minutes of silence passed between the two of you. You were surprised he didn’t wake up from the sound of your beating heart, because to you, it was quite loud.

You hesitated on waking up the boy in front of you. He was sound asleep. What if he woke up cranky? 

Still, he requested for you to wake him up a few minutes before the bell. He wouldn’t be mad if you did so, right?

You softly placed your hand on his shoulder and gently shook him at a slow pace. There wasn’t much momentum, however, it was still enough to wake him up.

His eyes slowly opened, eyeing the area he sat in.

He could barely see, eyes still blurred with his sleepiness. Jungwon blinked a few times before looking in front of him, spotting your shocked figure.

“Morning.” He mumbled, his words cutting short because of a yawn. He stretched his arms before looking over at the clock.

It was only 8:20 AM. It always shocked you how students weren’t filling up the classroom around this time. They always arrived at least 5 minutes before the bell. Even if it was shocking, it was quite satisfying how everyone was still on time.

“What’re you working on?” Jungwon asked, slightly curious about the reason you held a highlighter. 

“English,” you muttered. He hummed at your words and continued to inspect your desk.

“You didn’t eat?” He asked, pointing at the neatly kept snacks. It looked the same as when he first gave you them. 

You shook your head. You completely forgot about the snacks. Instead, you were more focused on calming your racing heart, so it wouldn’t have woken him up.

“Eat. At least three pieces before the lesson starts.” He said. The snacks he brought the both of you were a small packet of animal crackers. One of Jungwon’s favourites as a child.

You paused for a moment, debating if you should follow through with his request. He was staring at you, once again, causing you to feel fragile under his gaze. There was no way he would stop if you didn’t eat.

You placed your highlighter down and grabbed one of the two packets. Hopefully, that would help his strong state.

Honestly, you couldn’t help but feel taken care of because of Jungwon’s acts. Your parents were amazing to you. There was no doubt about it. Still, with Jungwon, there was a new feeling you’ve never felt with anyone else.

At your old school, you wouldn’t even have a chance at something like this. If you fainted, there was only a tiny bit of shock from others. It happened very often because of your bad habits that it became so natural to those who studied and worked there. 

But if you were to faint around Jungwon or anyone else in this school, they would be very worried. The nurse at Earl View Academy even instructed Jungwon to watch over your eating habits. 

At first, you didn’t like the idea of having a so-called babysitter, but eventually it felt nice to know someone possibly cared about you. He started off as your number one threat, and became the person you looked forward to seeing most. 

To him, you started off as someone he could never trust and his one and only arch nemesis, and became the person he watched over and enjoyed being around. 

Well, look how the tables turned.

“Also,” Jungwon said, chiming into your thoughts. Your attention was then focused onto the boy who stood up from his previous seat with his animal crackers in hold.

“You’re doing great.” He said as the bell rang as if it were completing his sentence. 

He sat in his assigned seat at the window while students began filling up the classroom. Maybe they were a little delayed today, but your heart for sure wasn’t.

You were concerned as to why Jungwon’s words had such an effect on your wellbeing, judging from how fast your heart rate was going.

You didn’t even know it was possible to experience such a rush of adrenaline. Your face felt warm as you recalled his words. 

Was he perhaps referring to yesterday’s incident? 

No matter what the reason was, you’ve never been told something like that. It was always about taking a break and slowing your pace. Even mentioning how you were trying too hard and needed to pay more attention to yourself.

But the words ‘you’re doing great’ were different. It felt like they were filling a void in your life that you didn’t even know existed. 

Whatever it was, you were thankful. 

Thankful for Jungwon. 

Jungwon watched as the ball ricocheted off the rim of the net, sighing in disappointment. 

“Gosh, straighten up.” Baekseung said and tossed the ball back to his friend.

The trio stood inside the empty gymnasium, shooting hoops for fun, until it became serious. Baekseung was quite literally concerned for Jungwon’s wellbeing.

He was missing every one of his shots. 

“You do remember he did Track and not Basketball like you, Baek, right?” Minji asked while flipping through the pages of her book. 

“I mean, yeah, but he’s never this bad.” Baekseung replied, emphasising his words.

“I’m literally right here.” 

“Oh, my bad.” 

Minji chuckled at the two, looking away at her book while placing a bookmark between the two pages she stopped on. 

“Won, what’s on your mind?” She asked. 

Great, here comes round two.

“I swear we didn’t put a bet on anything this time. Feel free to tell us anything.” 

Jungwon sighed, letting himself loose. It was now or never. He needed to settle things, so he could peacefully continue along with his day.

So… 

“How would you confirm your feelings for someone?” 

RANK EIGHT.

Minji blinked her eyes in silence as Baekseung held the basketball in his hand with a dropped jaw.

Judging by their reactions, it was obvious they didn’t know what to say, leaving Jungwon feeling embarrassed.

“Nevermind, forget I said that.”

“No, no.” Minji said, shaking her head.

“We were just… stunned, that’s all.” She reassured Jungwon who’s ears turned a light shade of red out of embarrassment.

“Is this about a particular someone?” Minji questioned, slightly wanting it to be you. 

She had been noticing the difference between Jungwon’s behaviour now and the first time you arrived. Nowadays, he was always looking at you with adoration in his eyes instead of an intense glare.

It was definitely different between you two.

“You know who it is, don’t you?” Jungwon asked, judging by her expression. It looked like she was holding off on saying something. She was terrible at hiding her expressions.

“Wait, I’m so confused,” Baekseung chimed in, dropping the basketball and making his way closer to the two.

“It’s (Name), right? The atmosphere between you two is so much different than before.”

Jungwon remained quiet upon Minji’s words. She wasn’t wrong, but she was very observant. Even Jungwon hadn’t noticed the change between you and him.

“Your silence is the only answer we need.” Baekseung said with a sly smile. 

What? Who wouldn’t act the same way after finding out his best friend had a crush on someone?

“It is…” Jungwon mumbled. 

“Okay. First question is… how do you feel when you’re near her?” 

Oh. 

Well, that could go a long way… There was at least a list of possible feelings, so where should he even start?

“Tingly. I feel tingly.” He said, recalling the moments he was with you.

To be honest, he was shocked you hadn’t realised how red the tip of his ears were when he fell asleep in front of you. It was almost an impossible process for him to sleep, but he managed.

“Sometimes, my ears become warm and my heart flutters at the sight of her smile or if I were to make her laugh…” He paused, thinking of more things to say.

“And—”

“Yeah, you definitely like her.” Baekseung interrupted with a shock yet disgusted look on his face. 

“I do?” Jungwon asked, looking at the boy with wide eyes. 

Baekseung nodded, causing him to look over at Minji who only did the same as Baekseung in return.

“Are you ever going to tell her?” Minji asked, opening up her book once again. 

“I’d embarrass myself terribly. We’re still kinda rivals in some way. Wouldn’t it be weird if I were to suddenly confess my attraction to her?” 

“Okay, Shakespeare, what the hell do you mean by attraction?” Baekseung asked as Minji chuckled. 

“He means feelings, Baek.” 

“Oh… That makes sense. I say do it, what is there to waste? You only live once.” He explained as Jungwon rolled his eyes.

It was a corny saying he had been told all his life, but they were never wrong. Things always turned out good for him if he at least tried them. Therefore, it wouldn’t hurt to profess his love for you, right?

“Jungwon, it’s 11:30, don’t you have to go now?” Minji questioned after checking the time on her phone.

“Ah, right. Thanks Min, thanks Baek.” He said before smiling at them and leaving. 

To be honest, Jungwon was expecting a longer explanation to his feelings, but comparing these moments to a book, it was awfully obvious that he liked you. It must’ve flown past his head the first time. 

You stared at the clock, awaiting Jungwon’s arrival. This was the first time you had caught yourself doing something like this. Usually, your head would be stuffed in your notebook right now, but after discovering these possible feelings for the boy you spend lunch with daily, things have changed.

Your habits must’ve been one of them.

There were moments where you glanced at the door, hoping that he would appear after every glance, but he didn’t. 

“Sorry.” A voice emitted from the doorway, heavy panting followed through. Your head whipped over, noticing the boy you were waiting for all this time. He looked up from the floor, making straight eye contact with you.

He was subtly sweaty, making it obvious that he ran here. Yes, it was a disgusting look, but to you…

He looked disgustingly handsome. It was odd, very odd, that the look made your heartbeat race. You couldn’t deny it, you definitely liked Jungwon. 

“You’re late.” You said in a teasing tone. You could care less if he was late or not, but it was fun to joke around with him.

“I’m aware.” Jungwon joked back while walking towards his seat.

“Are you hungry?” He asked while reaching into his backpack. You stayed silent, not sure how to answer that question. 

“Be honest.” He said in a serious tone and grabbed the meal he cooked this morning. 

“A little bit.” You replied as he took a seat in front of you. You eyed the containers he placed on the empty space, causing you to move your notebooks aside to create more.

He opened the containers one-by-one, leaving you stunned with every single meal. Once he was left with one container, he looked up to see your reaction, smiling at your childish look.

“Does it look good?” 

His question brought you out of your trance, causing you to straighten up immediately.

“Yes. It looks great.” You said as Jungwon chuckled at your response. You observed the 3 containers, noticing the different aspects of each; one had greens while the others didn’t.

“Oh, I wasn’t sure if you liked greens, so I separated them just in case.” He explained while pointing at the container you stared at.

You nodded at his words and hummed in amusement. Maybe you were only a tad bit hungry before, but now, you were starving. 

“You don’t have to wait for me, you can eat.” Jungwon said, gesturing at the meal in front of you two. 

You looked at him once then down at the utensils, hesitantly reaching for a spoon. Jungwon picked up on this and grabbed your hand, flipping it over while grabbing the spoon that laid on the napkin. He then placed it into the palm of your hand and looked into your eyes.

“Don’t hesitate, it’s fine.” Jungwon said and flashed you a smile, his dimples catching your eyes immediately. 

Well, maybe you weren’t hesitating on eating anymore, but you were definitely still hesitant about something…

Confessing your feelings to the boy before you.

Yeah, that could wait.

RANK NINE.

Two days ago, Jungwon had a talk with his two friends. He was reassured about his feelings for you, finalising them to a certain extent.

Today, he claimed he was ready to confess. He wouldn’t back away from doing so, and plus, there ‘wasn’t’ much time until graduation (it was 7 months away).

Of course, it was a lie. He had to make an excuse to be able to push himself to tell you how he really felt.

You, on the other hand, thought the same. But, you weren’t sure how you would approach him in a way where it wouldn’t be as awkward as you imagined.

Still, that would have to wait for the perfect time today. You couldn’t mess this up.

As your teacher spoke, your head became drowsy. Your notes seemed messy due to your eyesight blurring and nothing was comprehendible.

You shook your head, an attempt to regain your composure, but that didn’t work either. 

“Okay, everyone. I’ll leave the rest of this period for individual work time.” Your teacher said even if there was only 5 minutes before lunch. 

“Soccer today?” Baekseung asked Jungwon who wrote in his notebook. 

He nodded at his friend’s request, causing the boy to smile. It had been a while since they went to play soccer and not basketball, so it would be quite fun to reminisce about the past. 

The bell went, making 5 minutes feel like 30 seconds. To others it must’ve felt long, but to you, it felt short. You couldn’t focus on anything around you, not even the time. The throbbing headache that made its way into your system, as well as the nauseating feeling was all that occupied your mind.

Nothing else.

Not even the fact Jungwon was standing beside you right now. 

“You alright?” He asked. You looked up at him, your head spinning at the movement. It was quiet in the classroom, hinting at the fact there was practically nobody left aside from the two of you. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Lies. You were far from feeling ‘fine’. However, you couldn’t let him worry as much as he did about your eating habits.

You managed to flash him a convincing smile as he did the same. The gentle pat on your head before leaving felt comforting knowing it was from Jungwon and no one else. 

“I’ll be back.” He said as he walked out the classroom, leaving you alone in silence. 

You weren’t able to tell if the heat that crept up your neck was from his subtle action, or the developing fever that made its way towards you. Honestly, you could care less. It wouldn’t stop you from studying anyway.

And, well, maybe preparing your confession for the said boy.

The mesh of the net ricocheted as the ball glided against the barrier. The goalie was on the floor, the outcome of his failed attempt at blocking the ball.

“It’s okay! That was a good try.” A teammate reassured while helping the male up on his feet. 

Once the ball was thrown into play, Baekseung scanned the area, searching for an open target to send the ball to. Teamwork was all that mattered when playing sports, so, why not include everyone even if he could shoot the ball himself?

You looked out the window, noticing the view of the many boys who kicked around a soccer ball. It wasn’t the best view, but you were still able to see a few faces—Jungwon’s especially.

Most of you wanted to get a closer look. It would be nice to take a short break from studying, right? It couldn’t hurt your academics that much…

You rose from your seat, head spinning once again. It was unbearable, but you’ve experienced worse. 

See, you’ve definitely experienced worse. So, why were you on the verge of passing out, once again?

You stood in front of the window sill Jungwon’s friend, Baekseung, would always sit on. Your grip tightened the ledge, losing balance in your legs. Your vision became even blurry than before as your mind became foggy.

Yeah, you were definitely about to knock out cold. There was no way you would manage to stay conscious. 

A moment after coming to terms with the fact you were about to faint, your body hit the floor, leaving the space between two desks occupied. 

Your eyes were slowly closing as the warmth of a hand was placed on your face. Ears ringing, making anything that person said incoherent.

It was a terrible feeling. Maybe you should’ve gone to the nurse’s office at the beginning of your fever.

Yeah… Maybe.

“It’s 11:30, I have to go.” Jungwon said after checking the time on his watch. He waved goodbye to those he played with on the field, then looked at the classroom window, a smile making its way to his face.

Now it was time for 30 minutes with you. 

But where were you? He scanned the empty classroom, yet you were nowhere to be found. Your stuff wasn't there either.

You weren’t there.

He was confused. You never left your seat, no matter the reason. So, where could you have gone?

Jungwon had no clue where he was going, letting his feet take him wherever. Suddenly, he was in front of the nurse’s office. Not even he knew why he was here. 

Without hesitation, he slid open the door, a wave of nostalgia hitting him. Except, you weren’t in his arms like before.

“Oh, Jungwon. What brings you here?” Mrs. Oh greets almost immediately. That was a great question.

What brought him here? 

“I’m not sure.” Jungwon said, not knowing what else to say. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t know. 

“What do you mean?” She questioned, confused. That was the first time she received an answer like his. 

The boy stared at the nurse in silence. It was awkward for her, but not for him. 

Seriously, why was he brought here?

“Is… Is (Name) here?” He asked. Part of him regretted letting his so-called question slip out while the other part hoped you were here.

Other than that, he wouldn’t have any other ideas about where you could possibly be right now. 

“Oh, yes, she is. Were you looking for her?” Mrs. Oh questioned, a slight smile plastered on her face.

Jungwon nodded, not wanting to say anything else. He already embarrassed himself enough.

He followed the direction the nurse pointed in, heading to where you were supposedly lying down.

“Apparently, she fainted in class again. One of your classmates brought her over… Turns out she had a raging fever.”

So, he wasn’t hallucinating the pained expression you gave him at the start of lunch. 

At the sounds of his footsteps, you turned around fast, pretending to be asleep.

“I saw you.” Jungwon said, pulling your curtains aside.

“Nice try.” He took a seat beside you as you bit your bottom lip, eyes squinting in defeat.

“Are you feeling better?” 

You turned around at his words to face him. The damped cloth that rested on your forehead slowly slipped off, causing him to catch it.

“A little bit.” You said as he adjusted the cloth. 

You weren’t lying about it being a little bit. At least you were now able to move.

“Did you take medication?”

You nodded, noticing the fact he was only going to continue asking questions about your wellbeing.

“I heard you fainted… Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked, the worry finally sinking in.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I got up to look out the window, but I guess I overestimated my ability.” You said with a light laugh.

“Why would you get up to look out the window if you were already feeling unwell?” He asked with furrowed brows.

It was only common sense, you should’ve made your way to the nurse's office. Not somewhere to admire scenery.

“Are you lecturing me, again?” You asked, referring to the conversation in the classroom from a while ago.

“Yes. You need to take care of yourself more.” 

“But if I said I was trying to watch you play soccer, then what?” 

Jungwon felt his heart skip a beat. 

Okay. Maybe you got him there. 

“T-That doesn’t matter. Your health comes first.” He mentally cursed at himself for stuttering. Your words must’ve taken a toll on him.

“You’re boring.” You said before looking away from the boy.

To be honest, this would be the best time to confess, right? 

Mrs. Oh had left the office a while ago, meaning it was just the two of you left alone. 

When would Jungwon ever get another opportunity like this one?

“Listen,” he started, gaining your attention all over again. You look over at him, waiting for him to continue his sentence.

“I know grades are important, but your health is too. Please prioritise your health as well, okay?” Jungwon paused, hesitating with his next words.

It was now or never.

“I don't want to fall in love with a corpse. It’ll be better if it were just you.”

You stared at the boy, stunned. You couldn’t tell if your temperature was rising or you were flustered by his sudden confession.

An awkward silence followed through, as he felt his heart sink. 

Did he just mess everything up?

“Anyways… have you drank anything yet?” Jungwon asked, switching the topic really fast.

“No…” You whispered. 

He nodded his head, pursing his lips and patted his thighs.

“Okay. I’ll go get you something.” He said before rising up from his seat and leaving quite fast.

You felt bad. If it were a confession, you just left him hanging.

Jungwon pushed the buttons on the vending machine with pressure. He was embarrassed. 

Very embarrassed.

He didn’t want to show himself in that room ever again. The atmosphere was definitely still the same as before—awkward and unbearable.

Maybe he shouldn’t have taken his friend's advice. He could’ve saved himself from experiencing this sort of regret.

The sound of the juice boxes falling from their designated spots caught Jungwon’s attention. He whined at the sound, not wanting to go back at all.

Still, he couldn’t keep you waiting. 

His plan of pretending nothing happened was now set in motion. It wouldn’t be that hard to forget the previous interaction, right?

“I hope you like orange juice—”

“Was that a confession earlier or was I going crazy?”

So much for pretending nothing happened.

He stumbled in his tracks, he was nowhere near your bed yet.

“Was it?” You asked, quite literally pestering a response from him.

Jungwon mumbled something to himself. Something along the lines of hoping he doesn’t mess things up further.

“Yes, it was.” He said, a heavy sigh following through.

Although his sigh sounded stressed, yours sounded relieved.

“Oh, that’s good. I thought I was the only one.” You said, causing Jungwon to make his way to your bed even faster.

“What do you mean?” He asked, his hands carrying the juice boxes and a confused expression on his face.

“Is it not obvious?” You asked, but he remained still.

Clearly, it wasn’t.

You sighed, disappointed that he couldn’t read between the lines with that brain of his.

“I like you too, Jungwon.” 

RANK TEN.

“It really happened?!” Baekseung exclaimed, shocked. Jungwon covered his mouth with a hand, not wanting the whole world to hear about yesterday’s interaction.

“Then what?” Minji asked.

“It’s a secret.” Jungwon said with a teasing smile. Minji rolled her eyes at his response. It definitely wasn’t what she wanted to hear.

The classroom door slid open, gaining his attention quickly. You walked into the classroom, holding your books to your chest.

A smile of adoration made its way to Jungwon’s face as you looked over at him, smiling. 

Minji observed the interaction with curious eyes.

“What the hell? Never do that again, please.” Baekseung said, removing Jungwon’s hand from his mouth.

“Wait so… Are you guys, well, dating now?” Minji asked.

“Woah, no.” He said, raising his hands up in defence.

“So, you guys just confessed to each other and that was all?” She asked in a more hushed tone since you arrived.

Jungwon nodded. 

Minji was about to say something else, but the bell rang, cutting her off before she could even start. The teacher walked in, addressing everyone to return to their seats. 

You smiled to yourself and pulled out your phone to send the boy a text.

“Nice one.” It read with a smiley emoji. 

Jungwon’s phone dinged, causing him to look at it. A smile made its way to his face as he read the message. 

He was lying to his friends the whole time. Yes, that was bad to do, but it was the best way of keeping your official relationship with each other a secret.

They could know you two confessed to each other, but not that you were dating. 

To be honest, Jungwon never saw this coming. He always thought you would be someone he hated because he never knew it was possible to meet somebody who was at his level.

He truly thought he was dreaming when he first saw you and learned about that information.

But right now, he was thankful he wasn’t and was thankful that you were someone who he fell in love with.

Ξ ©HAKNOM, 2024

#📋 — tmbmd #k-films #k-labels #kpop fluff #enhypen #enhypen x reader #enha x reader #enhypen fluff #yang jungwon fluff #jungwon x reader #yang jungwon x reader #jungwon #yang jungwon #yang jungwon angst #jungwon angst #jungwon fluff #jungwon enha #enha jungwon #enha #enha fluff #jungwon enhypen #enhypen jungwon #jungwon imagines #jungwon headcanons #jungwon scenarios #enhypen angst #enha angst #enha imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen fic

[space-matt]

dad!matt or dad!chris fic

a day with daddy

dad!matt.sturniolo x fem.reader

summary: what do you want more from life when you can spend a whole day with your favorites girls?

author’s note: I really hope that you’ll like it! if you all want I can make a Chris’s version ♡

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English is not my first language, if you see grammar and typing mistakes, I apologize in advance! I just ask you not to be rude to me ♡

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revised

The long-awaited moment had finally arrived: a day with dad

Matt has decided to dedicate a day every week to spend with his two daughters, whom he considers his little princesses. When he received the news of their birth from the gynecologist, he was so ecstatic that he jumped all over the room. He immediately shared the news with his brothers, Chris and Nick, and even shed a few tears of joy.

When they were born, he was so enchanted by their presence that he didn't leave them alone for a single moment. He wanted to be with them as much as possible, which led to the idea of dedicating a day to them so that you could rest.

In the morning, he woke up early to prepare breakfast for everyone.

After finishing his morning routine, the man heads to the twin room to wake up his daughters. He sits on the bed and admires them, still in disbelief that they are his own flesh and blood. Slowly, Lola, the older twin by 20 seconds, opens her eyes and sees her father in front of her. She jumps into his arms, screaming "Daddy!" loudly enough to wake up her little sister Daisy. Daisy then wakes up and greets her father with a cheerful "Good morning, Daddy!"

He held both in his arms and gave each of them a kiss on the cheek before enter into your room. As he whispered, "Mom is still sleeping, are we going to wake her?" in a joking manner, they immediately understood with a nod and stepped out of his arms, and then screamed as they ran towards your room.

''Mummy, wake up! It's morning!!" with one click, you take them both and start tickling them, their weak point, causing the room to fill with their laughter. In the meantime, you look up and notice Matt standing on the door frame with a broad smile on his face, all thirty-two teeth showing as he looks at you. "Okay, okay, we've bothered Mom enough, now everyone has to have breakfast" he says, attracting the attention of the girls who immediately follow him like a train.

After finishing, you change into comfortable clothes and settle down on the sofa to continue watching your favorite series, which you had paused for a couple of weeks while Matt was occupied with dressing the two young ones. Suddenly, all three of them appear in front of you dressed alike, thanks to Matt's idea. You couldn't resist taking a picture to capture the adorable moment.

The morning continued after greeting you. Despite the cold, the sun sprang up, allowing you to enjoy the day as they headed towards the park.

As they walked, Matt held the hands of the little ones firmly in his own. When they reached their destination, the children spotted their cousins near the slide and ran towards them. Meanwhile, Matt approached his brother Chris.

"Did they drag you out of bed?" asked Matt with a sarcastic smile, as Chris glared at him. "Yes... I wanted to sleep a bit more, but I would do anything for them" Chris replied, turning his head towards the direction of the people who woke him up.

It was lunchtime, so they decided to walk home and then drive to McDonald's, which was the girls' favorite place. After placing their order, they enjoyed their meal at a leisurely pace, and finished it off with some ice cream.

In the meantime, you finished watching a series with an unexpected ending. Not wanting to get bored, you decided to tidy up the house, so that you could later take a nice warm bath with music in the background.

This was something you needed, as you had neglected your mental health due to all the paperwork you had to do. Thanks to these days designed by Matt, you had the opportunity to recharge your energy.

Matt and his daughters were back in the car, with their favorite songs playing at full volume. Thanks to your musical recommendations, your daughters had become obsessed with your favorite singer. Even Matt, who was initially skeptical, began to appreciate the music so much that he started humming some of the refrains and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

Upon arriving home, the twins eagerly ran towards you, showering you with hugs. Meanwhile, Matt collapsed onto the sofa to rest for a moment. However, a couple of hours later, he was awakened by a delightful aroma wafting from the kitchen.

"Hey babe, why didn't you wake me up? You know you don't have to do anything" Matt says with a sleepy look as he approaches you to give you a kiss. "You seemed more tired than me" you laugh, "So I let you rest a little." you continue to stir the ladle in the pan and he asks "Where are the girls?" to which you reply, "They're in their room coloring."

Matt decided to take a quick shower before dinner so that he could freshen up. Dinner ended early because the girls were excited to see the new Disney movie.

The evening ended in the best way possible - the four of you huddled together in bed with smiles on your faces.

#matt sturniolo #sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo x reader #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo x reader

[charliehoennam]

Aww I love your writing so much!!!! 🩷🩷 The detective Loki A-Z felt so accurate 🥹 he’s so precious. Can you write something that kind of goes off the jealousy area? Like it’s a coworker who reader gets close with and is honestly clueless to the flirting?

F o r g i v e n

a/n: here you go, nonny! i couldn't agree more. David is my baby and he deserves some happiness and a warm hug

pairing: Detective David Loki x reader

summary: a new co-worker makes a misguided move on the reader and david gets pissed

warnings: language, angst, arguing (if i missed one, lemme know. minors, do not interact!)

SHARING IS CARING, SO PLEASE REBLOG

Sliding your legs over the edge of your side of the bed, you sit up and rub the sleep from your eyes. David’s on the phone with O’Malley. You already know he’s gotta go into work today.

“Yeah, I’ll be there in 30 tops” he says lowly in his gravely morning voice before hanging up his cell phone.

“I’ll make breakfast” you smile sleepily at him.

You reach out to reassuringly squeeze his arm to let him know it’s alright. He’s already mentally beating himself up for waking you up and not being able to be enjoy his morning off with you as he had promised.

You make your way through the one-story house and head to the kitchen to get his coffee going. You decide on making a hearty breakfast because you know very well David will skip lunch today.

So, you settle for a nice egg, bacon, and cheese sandwich on toasted bagels with cream cheese. You make two for him so he can take one to work and hopefully eat while he’s on the road. You even cut up some bananas, apples, strawberries and oranges to make a little fruit salad.

David isn’t the healthiest guy around, but he deeply appreciates that you care for him and his health. He never really had anyone to care about him – much less his health – so he’ll sure make to eat every bite.

You hear his electric razor shut off after his shower. A while later, he comes into the kitchen with his hair slicked back. His light blue button-up shirt is open, exposing his white sleeveless undershirt. His gold chain dangles and dances around his neck as he buttons the cuffs of his shirt.

You can’t help but smile to yourself. You wish you could stop him and slide his button-up off. You love it when he wears his undershirt and chain around the house.

“Honey, think you can get a ride to work today?” he asks kissing the back of your head as you slice up the fruit.

“Yeah, babe. It’s no problem. I already texted Jared and asked him to pick me up.”

His hands working the buttons closed on his front stop as his eyes narrow in on the back of your head.

“Jared? You already texted him?”

“Yeah. I figured you’d leave before me.”

“Oh…”

You know that there’s something he’s holding back from you. You turn your head to glance at him, hoping to get a read of him as you slide the chopped-up fruit in a container.

“Is there a problem with that?”

You already know the answer to that.

“No. Nothing. Just didn’t know you and Jared were so close already. I mean, didn’t he just start there like two weeks ago?”

His eyebrows rise and his lip press flat as he looks down at his hands, letting them finish their work on his shirt.

“Two months ago, but he was pretty much on his own, so I figured I’d be the first to befriend him. The first weeks are the worst when you start working at a new place.”

“Yeah, I get that. Just didn’t think you were already texting each other.”

“Dave, there’s nothing going on between us if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to. Your face says it all.”

You’re slightly hurt that he would think there could be something brewinh between you and Jared. It may come from a place of worry, but isn't that trust is for?

“Look, I gotta get going. I’ll see you tonight.”

You nod as you hand him the containers of sandwiches and his travel mug. He leaves you with a kiss on your forehead and you watch him leave, letting the tension hang in the air. You try to put it on the mental backburner as you head up to get ready for your day.

Hearing a honk coming from outside, you look out the window and confirm Jared’s arrival. You grab your bag, keys and phone before heading out the door and walking to Jared’s car.

“Hey, Jare. Thanks for the late-notice lift. David got called in and my car’s still at the shop.”

“You know I don’t mind it at all. It’s been almost a couple days though. Have they given you any updates on it?”

“Something about the starting motor failing. Solenoid damage, I think? They have to replace some coils or some shit.”

“That shouldn’t take more than a few hours to replace though.”

“David says the same thing. He’s getting pretty impatient. Said he’s gonna stop by there today to check up. You know how some mechanics can be when they see a girl with car trouble.” You complete with a roll of your eyes.

“Yeah, some pricks take advantages. I know a thing or two about cars. I’d be happy to look into it for you if you want?”

“Really? Yeah, yeah. That’d be great. I’m gonna wait for David though. He said he’d stop by there today. I’ll give you a heads up though.”

After arriving to work, you head straight for your sector to settle in. You can’t help but notice how kind Jared seems to be towards you in this new light that David casted earlier in the morning.

Jared always offers to refill your water bottle whenever he gets up, always offers snacks, brings you back your favorite coffee or tea after his breaks, compliments your hair or nails or even your perfume. During the whole day, you can’t help but notice he doesn’t treat his other co-workers the same. You begin to wonder if you’ve led him on to believe you’re more than just co-workers or if it’s because he’s new and not very close to the others.

You decide to shake the thought from your head and go on about your work. However, with this new concept in the back of your mind, you start to politely deny Jared’s kind offers. He doesn’t seem hurt by it. A small wave of relief washes over you. Maybe you were just in over your head and overthinking what David had told you.

Around closing time, Jared stops by your station to check if you need a ride home. You check your phone, hoping David texted you with a reply about picking you up, but there’s no new messages.

Your heart sinks a bit. You’d hoped he could’ve at least replied. Is he really that upset with you?

“Yeah, I could use a ride.”

The house isn’t very far. You could walk home, but the rain is already pouring down heavy. And this time of year, the cold winter air is starting to arrive, slickening the streets and sidewalks with ice.

You smile to hide that you wished you didn’t need a ride from Jared. You know it’s not gonna make things easier to deal with at home.

Part of you thinks David is acting ridiculously like a child that's too selfish to share a toy. Only you’re not a toy. You’re a human being and you’re his fiancée. You’re supposed to be getting married.

The other part of you wonders how you would feel if it were the other way around. If he had a new partner on the job and spent hours with her. With everything Jared does for you, would you be ok with someone else treating David the same way?

Trying to settle the internal dispute, you remember that it’s your intentions that really counts. You’re not breaking his trust because you have no intention of getting with Jared. You’re friends and that’s all there is. And you would want David to have a good friend too in your situation.

You walk out together, gabbling on about the day as you climb into his car.

As Jared turns onto your street, you’re laughing over an amusing situation you’d survived in your first week at the company with an unsatisfied client. Jared had had his first unpleasant interaction with a frustrated client. Although he handled it pretty well, he was still a bit disappointed about it.

Grateful the rain has let up, you notice Dave’s car parked in the driveway. Why didn’t he at least text you back if he was home? You feel a slight pang in your chest, but you shove it down as you continue your conversation. Jared knows your line of though has been thrown off and he can only guess it has to do with the black Crown Victoria perched in front of the garage.

“It can happen to anyone,” you say looking up at the tall brown-haired co-worker as he turns the car off, parking in front of your house. You hear a door close from outside and keys jingling, but you don’t think much of it. Most of your neighbors get home at this time as well.

“You can’t please everybody and you have to accept that,” you resume looking down at the dashboard. “You’re not here to please, you’re here to do your job.”

“You’re an amazing person, you know that?”

Something is different about the way Jared is looking at you. It’s intense and you don’t like it.

He leans over the arm rest/storage compartment separating the front seats and places a surprising kiss on your cheek.

You quick react by pulling yourself back and gently push him away with a hand on his shoulder.

“Whoa, Jared. That’s sweet, but i-it’s not like that. We’re just friends. You realize that, right?” you ask frowning at him. “I’m happily engaged.”

“Y-yeah... I figured. I thought I-I’d shoot my shot. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” He looks down embarrassed as his cheeks blush a bright regretful shade of red. “I misread things. I’m sorry. That’s on me. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine. Just… Don’t do that again, alright?”

“Yeah. Definitely will not” he chuckles nervously. “It won’t happen again. I promise. Just like you said, we’re only friends.”

You’re not really sure how to react. You can tell he feels really awkward about the whole thing, but you just want to get out of there as quickly as possible.

Flashing a shy, nervous smile at him, you thank him for the ride and climb out of the car. You slowly walk up the concrete path, digging through you bag for your keys.

Upon finding them, you look up and freeze.

David is standing in the path, glaring at the young man in the car. As he keeps his furious gaze locked on Jared, his hands move to rest on his hip. Pushing back his black winter jacket, his gold badge and his standard issue gun are exposed to remind Jared of who he is.

You don’t realize it’s a non-verbal threat. You just think he’s pissed judging by the constant hard blinking of his eyes.

“David, it’s not what you th-“ you start only to be cut off.

“In the house. Right now.”

He has a point. This isn’t a topic to discuss outside for all your neighbors to hear.

You walk quietly past him and march up the porch. You leave the door open for him, but he’s not far behind you. Only a couple moments since he’d been staring Jared down until he finally drove away.

The door slams as he enters the house.

“Are you fucking serious? There’s nothing going on, right?” He asks loudly and angrily.

“Yes, there’s nothing going on, Dave.” You say trying to stay calm, unwilling to match his tone. You’d be angry too in his place.

“You expect me to believe that after what I just saw?!”

“Yes, because that’s the truth. I know how that looked like. He thought I was sending him signs of interest. I won’t lie about that. But I didn’t want him to do that. There is absolutely no interest on my behalf!”

“The fucking chicken hawk just kissed you!”

“I didn’t want him to! I told him that! Maybe if you had picked me up from work or at least fucking texted me back, I wouldn’t have gotten in that fucking car in the first place!” you seethe at him.

“Oh, so this is my fault??” he snaps back at you bewildered.

He opens his mouth to speak, but just in that same moment, his cell phone rings. A hushed ‘fuck’ escapes from his lips as he answers the call. You just roll your eyes and fold your arm across your chest because you already know what that means.

The conversation is quick. You can’t tell much; all you know is that Captain O’Malley is calling him into the station.

“We’re not done on this”, he says with a raised finger in your direction and opens the door behind him.

The door slams shut. You close your eyes and lean against the wall, wishing you had never gotten in that car.

Dragging your tired body up the stairs, you make your way to your room. You notice the comforter is rumpled on David’s side along with his pillows. It’s not as you had it in the morning; it was neat and made to look inviting. You sigh and run a hand through your hair. Now you know why he didn’t answer you at first; he had fallen asleep.

You set your bag atop of the dresser that you share. You dig out your phone to set it to charge. There’re a couple unread messages and 2 missed calls; all from David and right around the time you’d left work.

Sorry, babe. Fell asleep and just woke up.

On my way right now!

You feel guilty thinking about how you could’ve avoided the whole ordeal. Now, David is mad at you and you’re mad at him for thinking that you wanted Jared to kiss you.

You head into the ensuite bathroom to shower and let the water wash away the stress of your day. As the warm water pours over you, you just hope this isn’t what ends your relationship.

Once you’re cleaned and a bit more relaxed, you go about the house to start on some of the chores. Deciding on a simple, quick and easy dinner, you sit on the couch to eat by yourself.

It’s been hours since David’s left and you miss him. You just want him to come home, so you can tell him how much you miss and love him.

You look down at your phone. He read your “I’m sorry” text, but he hasn’t replied. You wonder if it’s because he’s busy or he just doesn’t want to talk to you.

Wanting to stay up and wait for him, you start on the dirty dishes and pots in the kitchen. Then the laundry. You can’t stay still. It bothers you too much and you have to stay awake. There’s nothing left to do around the house, so you plot back down on the couch and surf through the channels to try to find something to watch.

It’s around midnight when you hear his car pull into the driveway. You race to the window to look out and make sure it’s him. He looks tired as he approaches the house with his keys in hand. His shoulders are hunched from the weight of the day’s stress.

You stand by the window and watch as he drags himself inside. He closes the door and hangs up his jacket before kicking his boots off. His back is turned to you and he hasn’t seen you yet.

When he does, he gazes at you for a moment. He’s too tired to argue, but he loves the fact that you’re wearing his sweater.

“You hungry? I made dinner. I can make you a plate,” you say softly breaking the silence.

“Yeah, I could eat.”

It’s quiet between you both. It’s a moment of cease fire. The elephant is still in the room, but you know how his weighs heavily on him. Especially with the case he’s working on. You don’t know much about it. David likes to keep that away from you. All you know is what you heard on the news and that there are kids involved. Those types of cases hit too close to home for him.

You leave him to eat in peace and tell him that you’re heading up to bed.

Assuming he’ll sleep on the couch since he must be upset still, you head to the bathroom to have a final tinkle before bed and brush your teeth. You crawl into bed and hug your pillow as you stare at the wall, luminated only by the fluorescent orange light of the street lamps.

Tears prick your eyes. You hate this distance between you and him. It’s ridiculous, but you know it’s not the time for it.

You hear David’s footsteps coming up the stairs and down the hall. The door creaks as he walks into the bedroom.

He goes about his usual routine; set his ring and chain on top of the dresser along with his badge. Then he walks over to the nightstand to open the drawer there. He pulls his gun from it's holster and makes sure its' safety is on. He had set it before already, but it never hurt to double check.

Soon after setting the gun in the lockbox within the drawer, he quietly makes his way to the bathroom. He opens the squeaky faucet and water pours from the shower.

He doesn’t take long. It’s a quick shower to wash his hair and body. He’s too tired to do more than he has to.

You hear him come into the room to grab a pair of boxers from his drawers. He seems quiet and still. Though your back is turned to him, you feel his eyes on you.

He stands still, hands on the wooden dresser as he mentally contemplates what to do. He knows it wasn’t your fault. He knows it wasn’t you who kissed Jared. He saw you pull away and push him back. He knows you didn’t like it or expect it just as much as him.

His head drops and his eyes close. In truth, the time at work had kept him too busy to think about it much, but he did think about you. Part of him felt you were like a victim, caught up in the crime with no fault. The other part of him wondered what could have happened to influence Jared to kiss you.

With a heavy sigh, you sense his footsteps approaching the bed. You expect to feel the wool blanket at the foot of the bed slide off along with his pillow.

To your surprise, you feel the comforter lifts behind you allowing a cool breeze to creep onto your back. Your heart beats faster. The mattress dips with his heavy frame. And you feel an arm drape over your waist.

“You awake?” His voice is a whisper in the dark.

You reply with a nod. You don’t want him to see you’re crying, though you know it’s inevitable.

“Can we talk?”

You quickly wipe your eyes in an attempt to omit the evidence of your pain. Turning onto your other side, you’re face to face. His hand doesn’t leave your waist. You let him slide underneath your shirt to feel your warmth.

“I don’t wanna fight. I don’t wanna argue,” he starts.

“Neither do I, Dave.” Your voice is soft as you reach to tenderly hold his bicep. You want to pull him close and hold him forever, but that might be too much.

“Are you really happy being with me?”

Your heart breaks to think that he feels like you might not be happy with him. You open your mouth to answer him, desperate to chase away his fear, but he continues.

“I know I’m not the best partner. I know for sure I haven’t been in the past. In some relationships, I didn’t even try to be. But I’m trying, sweetheart. I’m trying real hard because I love you and I want to be with you. I don’t know if it’s enou-“

You can’t listen to him anymore.

“Listen to me, Dave. I love you. You are more than enough for me and you make me the happiest in the world. And that’s enough for me. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You sure about that?” he asks with pleading eyes.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Jared is just a dude I felt bad for at work. I was just trying to be a friend, that’s all. But he misread my intentions. That’s it, that’s all that happened. And I’m gonna distance myself from him because I don’t want him to get the wrong idea.”

David feels relieved to hear your solution. He didn’t want risk sounding like a possessive jerk and ask you to not talk to Jared anymore, but he likes that you’re willing to make that change willingly for the sake of your relationship.

After all, he can’t be surprised someone else would want to have you.  The minute he met you, he wanted you for himself as well. He’s just lucky he got to have his chance before anyone did.

He smiles tiredly at you and closes his eyes as he rests his forehead against yours.

“Think you can forgive me for being a dick earlier? I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.”

“I don’t know. You might just have to make it up to me” you tease with a playful smirk, getting a low chuckle out of him.

“Whatever you want. Just name it.”

#david loki #david loki imagine #david loki prisoners #detective david loki #david loki x reader #david loki x y/n #david loki x you #prisoners #jake gyllenhaal

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for trying to block evade?

This happened several years ago, so I'll put the ages that we were at the time.

I [17F at the time], had an extremely close friend [17F] of 3+ years, and I still haven't found any kind of friendship that came close to the level of trust / openness that was there. So some of this backstory ranges from 14yrs to 17yrs.

My home was abusive, and she and her mom helped me figure out what was rational vs irrational, normal vs not normal, and pointing out local resources to get help - which was absolutely amazing and I could not thank them enough.

She invited me to her house pretty regularly, a couple times a week. We'd have hours of skype calls. She got me roped into Undertale & the fandom. Well, not that we really interacted with the fandom at large. We only publically posted some of the art and barely got noticed haha. Between the two of us, we had something like 26 AUs and had a lot of rp with multiverse shenanigans - like over 1200+ pages of google docs rp, because that's where we did like 90% of it. After we hit like 100-200 pages, we'd make a new doc so it wouldn't take so long to load. And we had like, at least like 9 docs I think. I was mostly in it for her, because it was really fun to just make up stories together. I could've done it with any fandom she threw at me, undertale is just the one that was popular at the time.

At one point, I think when we were around 16, I asked her if she wanted to start dating. She said something along the lines of maybe in the future, but not right now - she wanted to focus on school. Even though she declined at the time, she did say she appreciated me asking and that it meant a lot to her. And there were 0 hard feelings about the answer, we just kept on going the way we were going.

She got hit with a really bad level of depression, and stopped coming to school. After 2-3 days, I started calling her every day around lunch time just to check in on her and see how she was doing. See if there was anything I could do to help - bring some snacks, catch her up on classwork for the couple classes we shared, stuff like that. This was for couple months. More than just a mental health day, and the only reason she gave was Depression.

After a week or two of the daily calls, there was probably an aspect of toxic positivity on my end. Like "You gotta Do Something to avoid being trapped in your misery, even if it's just baby steps like sitting outside on the porch or going on a walk down the block" Not maliciously, but more out of not knowing how to handle a situation like this & genuinely wanting to help her because of all the help she's offered me in the past & fueled a little bit by fear because Depresssion is the excuse that my abusive parents used to justify their shitty behavior & neglect. Not because I was afraid of what she'd do to me, but more what she'd do to herself. That's one of the only things I could think where I went wrong, which I completely acknowledge and understand now.

She was still inviting me to her house, and we were still doing our normal thing there. Drawing and writing stories together.

After 4-5 weeks [? estimate, time is an illusion] of her not showing up to school, I can't remember if I asked if it was helpful or if she suggested that I stop calling every day. Calling every day was making her feel worse.

I did end up calling the next day or two at lunch - crossing the boundary was not my intent. We had planned to hang out on the weekend again, lunch is just when I remembered & had time to call to ask if she still wanted to hang out or if she wanted some space. I think she said yes to hanging out, didn't mention anything about crossing the boundary. Same with the next day - there was something I needed to ask clarification on, it wasn't a check in, nothing was mentioned of the boundary. I can't remember what it was now. This is another one of the places where I think I went wrong, which I acknowledge & understand.

I did stop the check ins like requested though. After those two off days, I did stop calling her every day at lunch.

She finished out the school year having shown up to class maybe 3ish times, I think.

Again, we were still hanging out regularly. There was no indication that I was doing anything wrong, there was no indication that anything I was doing was wrong. She was still the one inviting me to hang out at least half the time.

There were some problems that I was noticing that I just wanted to have a casual chat about and figure out, but she kept pushing it off as a "I don't have the energy right now, we can talk about it later" and we'd go back to the fun things. I don't really remember what those problems were.

In the summer, I went to a different state to visit my older sister that I hadn't seen in years. I talked to her about it, I was excited for it. We were still chatting regularly during my trip over skype or discord.

And then, during my trip that I was so excited about, she drops this bombshell. She sends me several massive messages detailing out a bullet point list of everything I've done wrong, that she's explicitly breaking off the friendship, and blocks me. 95% of things on that list either flat weren't true, or gross misunderstandings of what happened.

It was genuinely horrible things too.

For example, one of the things on the list was "Suicide baiting" or "Suicide guilt tripping" or something along those lines, which had happened several months if not a year before this. -I've only ever communicated feeling acutely suicidal to her 1 time. -Long before that, she made me promise that if I ever felt suicidal that I was supposed to immediately talk to her about it, for her own peace of mind so she wouldn't worry about me. -I reached a point of feeling acutely suicidal due to abuse at home & general existential dread, that happened to be during a time we had an issue.

I purposefully waited until after the issue was resolved, like 2 weeks, before telling her. I did that specifically so it would not be taken as a guilt trip or a form of coercion while still holding as true as I could to my promise. She made me promise to tell her, it was something very important to her. I made very clear to say "this is something I experienced a couple weeks ago due to unrelated things, it is resolved now, I got help through xyz means and genuinely feel better. You made me promise to tell you so I am telling you, I didn't want to say anything while we were having a problem for xyz reason." I just wanted to talk, and clear up the misunderstandings. I wanted to have a good conversation about figuring out where the communication went wrong, try and figure out how she came to these conclusions, and how that differs from my point of view. Do something to work it out, and just talk about it, and try and salvage this 3+ year friendship.

After I realized I was blocked, I was going through so so many emotions all at once. The whiplash of going from 5 to 100, Upset that I wasn't given any sort of chance to explain, the 5 stages of grief, being thrown away like the gum off your shoe, worrying about her and if this was the stage of isolation for depression, holding out the hope that we could still just talk and work things out, angry that she kept pushing off and refusing to have any sort of serious talk before this, doubting if anything she had said on 'normal vs not normal' - particularly communication styles, thoughts that maybe she was abusive and manipulative all along, maybe I was continuing the cycle of abuse, trauma flashbacks, anxieties that I had since squashed as 'irrational', fear that this was a sign that she was about to fucking kill herself and maybe the whole list was a lie so I wouldn't try and reach out and stop her, doubting my own reality and maybe the entire list she sent me was true and she was justified in her actions.

Simultaneously trying to process intense feelings and realities if it was true and I'm really secretly a horrible monster, if it wasn't true and she was about to die, and old traumas getting dug out of the grave.

God I was such an emotional wreck and did not know how to process or understand anything that was happening.

This is where the AITA comes in -

I was pushing through back to back panic attacks trying to contact her and figure out what was going on. I didn't want her to die, if that's what was happening. I didn't want to be discarded and thrown away like a piece of trash, if that's what was happening. I didn't want to have 0 chance of learning & growing as a person even if this friendship wasn't salvageable due to my monstrous nature, if that's what was happening.

So I block evaded like fckn crazy. Gmail, pet game sites, discord, skype, deviantart, whatever online platform that we shared that had messaging enabled. I called her phone several times. On the 3-4th call, her mom picked up and told me that none of the above was true. That she wasn't about to die, that I wasn't being thrown away like trash, and that I wasn't a monster. She didn't agree with her daughters actions and thought it unfair to me, but ultimately it was my friend's choice. All simultaneously which just did not compute.

If the list she sent me was true, I was a shitty horrible person. If it wasn't, and she isn't about to die, then not be able to just have a calm sit-down conversation at some point about it and clear it up - if I wasn't worth even attempting to make that effort then I was being thrown away like trash. I kept trying for days afterwards to talk to her - just, anything at all. Nothing got through, she never responded to anything.

And... that was that.

I didn't have a chance to talk to her again. I didn't have a chance to clear up misunderstandings, or understand what I did actually wrong and where, or any sort of closure.

Sometimes if I'm remembering it and feeling paranoid, I'll check and see if she's alive by looking at her online profiles for any activity. Like, maybe once a year tops now. According to the petgame sites, she's still alive at least. I'm assuming she got new social media. Literally it's just a "is she alive, do I have to worry about causing her suicide" check, I don't stalk or look into anything further than that.

Anyway, AITA for how extensively & desperately I was block evading?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

[harrysmimi]

Coffee And Pancakes

Synopsis: One where Harry visits this cafe everyday for this one person he likes (requested)

CW: mentions/slivers chronic pain pls put your mental health first and read with caution if it if something that bothers you. I wrote this because it hit home to me the most combining two requests I got.

Series Masterlist | More of my work

Harry very much liked to visit new cafes in the city everytime. Especially if they served healthy breakfast options.

This Cafe restaurant he goes to particularly caught his special interest, all because of this barista who works there. He saw her the very first day he decided to check out the place, he noticed she was wearing his a crewneck from his old solo merch instantly telling him she was a fan. She also wore a baby green baseball hat to hide the hairnet which he saw every employee wearing. His favourite was her big glasses with dainty frame she wore always.

Since then everytime he visits he liked to watch as she tries not to freak out and take each of his orders, how she stutters even though he orders the same thing everyday he goes there. He liked to talk to her, her name is YN and she works there full-time, he's gotten to know that much about her so far.

But he also remembers her mentioning how Niall once reacted to her video of singing his song on some YouTube channel a few years ago when she was talking about One Direction with her this one very beautiful day. She even suggested he does the same and his fans would love to see that.

Today he was accompanied by his friends and his sister as they were going to catch up after a long time. Gemma has been bugging him to hang out with her so he took out the day for her as his usual schedule consists of going on a walk, after a shower head to the cafe and go straight to studios. He needs to give his family some time too!

Though it made him a teeny bit upset he couldn't talk to YN. But there was always another day, unless she decided to quit her job for some reason. He also really enjoyed his day with his sister and their mum also joined them later.

......................................................................

It wasn't until the next four days Harry got to see YN again, apparently she wasn't there for work for some reason. It was a friday so he had to wait the weekend but his heart was broke again he didn't find her there on Monday either. He was again disappointed today thinking he wasn't going to see hee there and her friends didn't know when she'd be returning, he didn't ask that because that would be creepy but he over heard a few of her friends talking about her.

Did she quit her job?

He still needed a coffee so he still went the cafe and planned to directly head to studio, call Mitch and Ben early today. Just as he entered the shop he could take a few peaks at the same baby green hat he saw everyday by the coffee machines. Harry's tummy started fluttering with butterflies as he did. He ordered his usual coffe and Pancakes with extra maple syrup.

"Hey you," he heard her voice chirp as she loaded the espresso machine.

"Hey you," he couldn't help the smile which dared to take over his features, "haven't seen you here in a while, how are you?"

"I'm good, I am good," she nodded still getting on with her work, she took out almond milk from the fridge as she poured it into the metal jug and proceeded towards the frother. "How are you? I wasn't in for work for two days, graduated last Friday."

"Oh, congratulations!" he was quite amused by the new information, "what did you major in?"

"In Indian classical music, minored in music history." She seemed very proud of herself though he was quite unsure if it was the degree she was talking about or the pretty design he poured onto the latte she just made, a little swan he could make it out to be.

"Impressive." He commented earning a soft puff of giggle from her. He swore his heart broke into a million pieces then and then watching that smile and giggles of her voice.

"Just a minute." She excused herself and called out the customer who's order was just made, and proceeded to make his coffee.

Harry truly didn't know how to take the conversation ahead. He didn't wanted to ask her what her future plans are with music, it truly had him fascinated because well he's a musician himself!

"Here are your pancakes with extra maple syrup and coffee." YN gave Harry his order, "enjoy!"

"Thank you so much, love." He smiled taking the tray from her as he went to his original spot next to coffee station where she's usually doing her job. He saw she'd drawn a little smily at the end of his name on the cup, something she'd do here and there to show off her doodling skills.

The cafe was silent, there was no ruckus by angry entitled customers as he read his book and indulged his breakfast. It wasn't until a teenage couple walked in and he noticed a bit of banter going on at the cash counter.

"Come on, you drive a fucking tesla, how is one coffee going to affect you?" The young guy said, YN was stood right there with nothing but anger and disappointment on her face.

"I work here, get out Asher." YN sighed, "Ashlyn do you still want your order?"

"Yes, please." The girl nodded and paid for her order.

"I'm going to tell Mumma about." The guy warned her.

"Go on," YN rolled her eyes, "I am not giving you any free coffee, you're old enough go get a fucking job and stop being a fucking brat that you've grown to be!" She turned to the girl, "Ashlyn your order will be ready in five."

......................................................................

Now it's been almost a month to that situation but it's been on Harry's mind all this time, even though he knows It was none of his business and he's seen her deal with rude customers before but he reckoned the teen was her brother by the conversation.

YN on the other had have had enough from her family, especially her little brother. Being the second oldest of six children she has always been taken for granted. But she carried on with her work that day pushing to take care of later when she's visiting her therapist on the Friday.

Harry was sat in the cafe this morning like usual, eating away his pancakes. Promise, he doesn't eat those everyday, it's only for when his mood strikes!

"Hey Harry!" A voice called from behind catching his attention. It was his friends Kyle who he's known since school.

"Hey," Harry greeted him, "haven't seen you in a long time." They shared their usual bro-hug and sat down.

"Yeah, I've been busy lately with the restaurant we just opened." Kyle said. "Never thought you'd be the kind to go out to get breakfast, how do you like it here so far?"

"Oh, I've been coming here from last month or so." Harry smiled sheepishly not wanting to share the exact reason why he's been going there for that long, "it's quite nice in here, the staff's amazing, so is the food. You should try their muffins."

Kyle chuckled, "this is my mum's cafe, I come by to check in on stuff when she can't." He shared, "and yes the muffins are our speciality here. Grandma's recipe."

"Ah!" He smiled, finding it amusing, "no wonder why it's so good then! Gran Bunny makes the muffins."

Harry felt nostalgic. He'd go over to Kyle's whenever and his grandma would have something or other to force feed him and his friends as kids. He doubts she'd spare any of them even now that they're all grown ups pushing their thirties. Some of Harry and Kyle's would admit to online go over to the boy's house for food which he did not mind, his family loved having people over.

"Have you been to Holmes Chapel  lately?" Harry asked, be hasn't been there in a long time either.

"Yeah, I was there last week to see Granny." Kyle shared and they talked, catching up. Harry kept stealing glances at YN as she went about her work as usual catching his attention here and there. "Have you got a crush on her, mate?" Kyle said catching all of Harry's attention at once.

"No," he shook his head, "why'd you say that?"

"You're literally staring at her."

"No I'm not." Harry refused to admit it to his friend who's technically also YN's boss.

"She's a nice girl, a little too young for you I'd say. But you can try asking her out if you wish." Kyle teased his friends sat in front of him, slumped on his chair poking at the last buts of pancake on his plate drenched in maple syrup.

"What do you mean too young?"

"She started working here when she was 15, Granny says, as a cashier but she stuck around its been about good six to seven years since." Kyle shared, "she's got more patience than a turtle and has out lasted many of our older employees here."

......................................................................

Harry was walking home at around eight-thirty from studio calling it a day for writing. He was frustrated with the writers block he's been trying to get over from past two weeks. Busy on his phone texting his creative director about the new single from his previous album, he bumped into someone.

"Ah!" The person hissed in pain as they stumble back on their feet.

"Oh my god, I am sorry. I wasn't looking—" he stopped seeing it was YN, he looked to his left to see he was just passing the cafe she works at. "Hey, you okay?" He enquired watching her squeeze her hand in pain. He didn't bump into her that hard, did he?

"You want me to help you with something?" He asked, concerned as she was still hissing in agony. It scared him because he didn't know what was happening, was she playing a prank on him? But he saw a sheen in her eyes before sucked in a deep breath. "Did I bump into you that hard? I'm so sorry?" He spoke again, he noticed there was keys in the keyhole of the door, she was closing up.

"Oh no, lemme see." He carefully reached for her hand to see if she's injured severely. But she wasn't.

"I, uhh, no it's okay. I'm fine." She assured him, pulling her hand hand from his.

"You sure?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm sure." She nodded and proceeded to lock up the door. He found it adorably weird how she used her knuckles to turn the keys. "You needed coffee this late?"

"No, no I was on my way back home." He shared, "are you sure I didnt hurt you?"

"No you didn't, you're fine. I'm fine." She rushed.

"You work this late?"

"No, took up extra shifts for this month." She shared.

"Okay." He nodded, stood there awkwardly not knowing what to say. She sighed.

"Okay I'll take your leave now, have a good night, Harry." She smiled. Harry swore his heart was about to burst.

"Uhh, yeah. Good night." He nodded, trying to reciprocate the same smile without coming out as a creep. She started her little penguin-esque walk upto the side walk all bundled up in her oversized hoodie and her coat, it was getting colder. He watched her unlock a Tesla — so that douche bag wasn't wrong about it!— and was about to get in before he rushed upto her. "Hey, YN?"

"Hmm?" She turned to him, her car door between them.

"Are you free tomorrow after work?"

'Oh my god! Okay it's happening!' the inner Michael Scott started screaming inside his mind as he asked the question. But she looked at him confused.

"I don't have worked tomorrow, why?" She said canting her head a side, a smile threatening to tug on the corner of her lips.

"I, ehm, wanted to—" he stuttered feeling his throat go dry in instant, "I wanted to ask if you'd like to grab a coffee or maybe lunch?" He blurt out just before rushing to add, "If, if you wish."

YN swallowed thickly as she looked at him for a moment longer, not believing what was really happening. The guy she spent minority of her childhood and all of her teenage years obsessing over is asking her to grab a coffe with him? Is she dreaming? She contemplated how to answer him, not wanting to break his heart. No one has asked her out since she was in highschool and that too ended horribly to add to her many traumas.

"I... uhh... Harry!" She found it difficult to find words from her vocabulary, "I, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow in the morning. It might take me whole day."

She's telling the truth okay!

The way his puppy face turned into one of upset made her heart drop to her stomach, she doesn't want to turn him down. "That's okay." He sighed, looking down at his vans toeing at the concrete pavement.

"Harry?"

"Hmm?" He lifted his head up to look at her. Soft, tiredness never left her features, a gentle crease between her brows.

"I'm not turning you down," she said, catching full and more of his attention, "if you'd like we can still go grab dinner or go the next day."

"I, ehm, yeah I'd like that." He nodded, rubbing a nervous finger under his nose, his classic move when he's nervous. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yeah." She nodded.

"This would sound stupid," he mumbled under his breath before taking a careful step closer to her, but she heard him, "can I get your number so I can text you tomorrow?"

"Sure." She smiled. He's sure he's as red as an apple as he felt heat rush upto his cheeks and find it amusing enough to smile at. He fished out his phone from his back pocket and unlocked it before he handed it to her. She took his phone with her shaky hands as she typed in her number and name. Was it that cold? She didn't seemed nervous. Maybe it's just the minor adrenaline rush keeping him warm to even notice, it's nearing October. He even sent her a smiley made of colon and end parenthesis so she knows it's him.

"Shouldn't hold you back longer it's getting late." He said taking his phone from her and checking her new contact in his phone to make sure he doesn't text the wrong number later.

"Mhmm. See you." She said with a petite wave tickling at her finger tips. He waved back and waited for her safely get in her car and drive off before he headed back home himself.

......................................................................

Harry couldn't bother to go to the cafe today, he made coffee at home today. It was pretty shitty but it was going to work and keep caffeinated him enough for the day at the studio. He felt very motivated to write today!

Though he kept picking up his phone and resting it face down back again throughout his studio session. He wanted to text YN and ask how's her doctor's visit going but that would make him appear as though he's been an obsessed creep of some sort, wouldn't it? He just can't get her off his mind there. He hoped she's doing fine even though he doesn't know her that well yet.

He felt anxious to text her but he told her he was going to. Excusing himself Harry picked up his phone and headed out for a moment. Finally clicking over her contact he saw she'd saved it with her name, plain and simple, he took that extra second to add a little sparkle emoji next to her name before he started drafting her a message. There was around quarter left for six.

- Hey you,

- how's your doctor's appointment going?

He cringed at his question. Three dots appeared on his screen indicating that she's writing a response back.

YN ✨

- Hey you,

- I'm so bored sitting here !!! 😩

- how is your day going?

He chuckled at her choice of emoji at the end of her complain.

- been in studio since morning, so I'd say I'm having an amazing day.

YN ✨

- I am soooo jealous!

- hey, it's my turn now I'll text you in a bit.

He took in a long breathe of relief that it's going to be over for her and he can take her out later. He stuffed his phone back in his pocket.

"Lads, I think we should wrap up for the day." Harry announced reentering the studio room.

"I'm staying to work on this tonight." Ben said, lifting his head up from the computer to look at him.

"Have you been seeing someone?" Sarah pointed out. She has been accompanying their writings sessions lately with Mitch. "You arrive at the studio late, you leave early. What is going on?" Even Mitch shot him his own suspicious glare from where he was sat next to Ben.

Having been put up in a spot Harry froze on his spot for a moment. He wants to keep this to himself if anything further happens for a little while, "no, I'm just hungry. I'm making pasta today, do you guys want to join?"

"Nah, I'll pass this time." Mitch waved him off before getting back to jis work with Ben. He used his cooking as excuse because no one likes when he cooks. He's agree he sucks at it, especially when it comes to pasta dishes.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow." Harry said after he'd gathered his stuff, "Sarah, bring your baby tomorrow."

"Aye!" She gave him a salute as he walked out.

Harry drove back home and hopped in shower taking his time to clean up as he's gone straight to studio after his intense run after Mitch called him up to play him a new tune. Just when he was out of shower he recieved a text from YN.

YN✨

- it's finally over! 😭

- oh, I hope you don't mind me. I've been complaining since you texted me

He chuckled. Of course he doesn't mind her complains over text. He could listen to her all day, everyday if she lets him.

- it's fine love.

- do you still want to grab dinner?

Honestly, he felt more comfortable now asking her questions. And he's really looking forward to this.

- yeah, I'll be home in thirty.

He smiled checking the time. It was half past six. He typed his message leaving her enough to get home and get ready if she wishes.

- I'll come and pick you up at 8?

- is that alright?

Harry felt so stupidly smitten that everytime those three little dots appeared on his screen his heart never fails to almost jump out of his mouth. Her message came in along with her little address.

- yeah, that gives me enough time.

He threw his phone back on his bed as he walked into his closet pushing him into the biggest turmoil of the day; what is he going to wear?!

At the end he settles on a pair if regular fit jeans and his yellowish cream Bode shirt with a tank top underneath to keep him warm. He pulled out a jacket to go with it as it's already freezing cold outside as it's nearing October end. He made sure there was no dust and dirt on the piece of clothing which has been sitting in his closet for almost a year now. He left the house making sure everything is in it's place and all the windows and doors are locked.

YN on the other hand was panicking. For starters, she was stuck in traffic on her way back home, her water heater started acting up when she went to take a shower after sitting in a hospital for entire day. Plus her chronic pain did nothing but added to one and half hour she had to get ready.

It was nearing winter which meant her arthritis was going to flare up, that meant more frequent visits to her doctor and physiotherapist. October has been truly a spooky season for her from past ten year now. She was just eleven when she had a life changing diagnosis, which her parents never bothered to look at for the longest blaming it on her introvert-ness. But now she's been living alone since she moved for college, life has been more easier on her.

Living alone came with it's own perks. No one bothered her. No one told her what she can and can not do. Living alone meant more savings, especially after she found herself lucky that her grandfather left her tuition fees in his will. She was able to buy herself a flat, it's been just a year she moved into her own home, no longer having to live with creepy roommates or crappy flats. Her brother has been very jealous of her recent purchase of her Tesla, but that was a different story. No one believed her working at a cafe got her all these things, she could careless.

Just as she was starting to put on her make-up to look tad bit presentable with her tired face with massive dark circles. She got a text from Harry saying he's waiting for her. She doesn't quite know if it's a date or he wants to hang out, but she had two options which are, go out with him bare faced or make him wait for ten more minutes.

God she hates being late!

Harry had to wait all for five minutes before he got a text from YN.

YN✨

- omg I'm so sorry!

- I need five more minutes plsss

- you can come up.

- pls

- it's very cold outside!

- I feel so badddd

He laughed at her frantic texting. He recieved a number of her flat with another row of apologies and asking him to upstairs as it's very cold outside. He took up her offer after contemplating. He took the lift up to her floor and walked down the corridor finding hers. Her door was right at the very end of the hallway. It was very calm and quiet.

Taking a deep breath he tapped on her door with his knuckles not opting to ring the bell. Still hoping he was at the right door, he was proven right when her door swung open.

"Hey you," he smiled.

"Hey, please come in." She stepped aside. "I just need five more minutes. I promise I'm not like this!"

"Hey it's okay, I'll wait for you." He chuckled. She brought him a glass of water.

"Please take a seat." She gestured at the yellow sofa in her living room, "five minutes." With that she walked into her bathroom.

YN house screamed that jt was her. Though she was still adding a few touches here and there. But what caught Harry's eye apart from bright yellow sofa with two coffee brown love seats in the living room was her little dining table for two which had an aquarium on it pushed towards the wall. He never thought she'd had a pet, let alone a fish. He pulled himself a chair as he admired the beta fish living a good life in it. He saw a little yellow sticky note with a messy writing on it which said 'His Royal Highness, King McFish the first'.

He didn't realised he let out an audible laugh reading that until his own voice rang through his ears.

"Don't laugh." He heard YN call from her bathroom, probably getting ready. She walked out all ready. "I didn't name him that."

"Who did?"

"It's my neighbours daughter, I baby sit her some times." YN shared walking to her balcony and shutting the door closed. "She named him that because she was eating McDonald's that day."

"He's a royal then, isn't he?" Harry chuckled hearing the back story still watching him swim around. And he doesn't blame the little girl, the fish was really looked royal. Black fins with a yellow body, truly calming and easy on eyes to watch it swim around.

He finally looked at YN, she was ready. Dressed in a pair of brown panta, a white over sized turtle neck sweater which looked handmade. He was blown away seeing her hair which would usually be covered by a hair net at work. She'd decided to braid her long hair leaving it draped up front over her rught shoulder, her curtain bangs styled perfectly. He noticed she had even put on just a tad bit of makeup.

"I like your jumper." He commented watching walk upto the table.

"Oh!" She sounded, looking down at her jumper running smoothing sweater paw over the front, "thank you. I made it."

"I thought so." He smirked proud of his little judgement. "Are we ready to go?"

"Uh-huh," she nodded, grabbed her coat hanging on the vacant chair, slipped her phone and a chapstick into a pocket. All the while Harry waited patiently for her as she slipped on her shoes before they headed out. Like a gentleman he is, he got the door for her. He was quite liking her taking her time, it only meant he got more time himself to spend with her that way. Though he was infatuated by her pet fish for a moment there.

"Are you sure I didn't hurt you last night?" He enquired as he drove them to his favorites Italian diner, watching her squeeze her hands. Maybe he was reaching and she was just nervous.

"No, you didn't." She turned to look at him wanting to say something further but shut her mouth.

She didn't wanted to tell him her medical history there. It wasn't his fault that her body turns more fragile during colder months, it was a tiny accident. And that was her nervous tick. She's going out on dinner with Harry after all!

This was her first date (if it was because he didn't specify it when he asked her) after that shitty prom date she had, when her girlfriend ditched her last minute to go with the football team captain instead. She wasn't all that heartbroken because they were dating merely two months before. YN had best time regardless with her two best friends.

"Is this a date?" She wondered.

"Of course it is. Do you still want it to be?" Harry spoke taking her by complete surprise.

"Did I said that out loud?" YN gasped covering her mouth in disbelief. She knew it she is going to fuck it up!

"I can read minds." He shrugged glancing at her occasionally as he drove, "you were thinking way too loud."

YN just shook her head sheepishly, feeling her cheeks heat up and heart basically jumping in her ears. Harry had a good laugh teasing her there.

God, he looks even prettier in person!

She couldn't believe she's going on a date. Let alone with Harry. This was something she was sure she would be telling her grandkids in future for sure.

......................................................................

Harry pulled a chair for YN before he took a seat himself. They were immediately greeted by the waiter with a menu card. She noticed it had all kinds of beverages on it, especially majority of alcoholic ones. It was a bummer she doesn't drink as alcohol clashes with her medications. She can't even drink more than half a cup of coffee a day because of that.

"Have you decided?" Harry asked.

"I, uh, I don't drink so I'll stick to water." She shared.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't ask." Harry said.

"It's okay, you didn't know."

They were handed the menu card with starters and main course. She didn't know if they were going for both so she picked both not wanting to embarrass herself more in front of Harry. She used up the rest of her time to gather her courage to talk to the waiter.

Don't get her wrong, she works in the same field but she doesn't like to go out to eat for this exact reason. It gives her major anxiety and thanks to her mither who'd forced her to take French and Italian in school that she knew how to pronounce these dishes.

"Are we ready with your order for starters, ma'am?" The waiter asked her first out of both of them, great!

She glanced at Harry once before looking down at her menu picking first thing she saw in front of her having long forgotten what she actually picked, "I'll have, uh, a Caprese Salad, please."

Now when has be eaten a salad in her whole life?

Sure her friend Alex made her and their other friend Brielle the same salad, and she picked only the cheese in it. This was going to be way more embarrassing. Harry ordered some type of soup.

"How did your doctor's appointment go, everything alright?" Harry enquired.

"Mhmm," she nodded, "just a routine check up. I, ehm, have arthritis so I tend to get more... I don't know to put this— sick... during colder months." She finally shared.

Harry felt even more bad now, he definitely did not bump into her that hard but she's already in pain, even that small bump causes her to wince in complete agony, no wonder why her hands were shaky last night. It took him long to put two and two together then and there.

"I'm sorry, love, did it hurt bad?" He felt guilt build up in his gut.

"No, Harry," she rushed, "I told you it's okay. You didn't know." She cooed, reaching for his hand over the table.

"You sure?"

"Yes, I am sure!" She assured him.

"Okay." He nodded.

"You're writing new music you said?" She asked, curious.

"Mhmm." He nodded, "quite a hassle actually. Been going through a massive creative block."

"Awh!" She cooed again.

"Enough about me, you tell me now, what made you get a degree in Music?" He asked.

"Who doesn't love music?" She shrugged, "I certainly do."

"Yeah?" He chuckled at her adorably enthusiasm.

"My grand dad was a teacher, he taught Indian classical music his whole life." She shared, "him and I were very close so I picked up from his hobby and passion."

"That's sweet." He commented, "do you sing?"

"Meh, you can say that I sound more like a dying horse. I'm more into just the art of it, that's why I took the music history too."

"Huh, interesting." He canted his head to aside as he said so, "tell me more about it."

The entire Harry urged her to talk about what she liked and she did with that much enthusiasm. Harry later went with simple Alfredo pasta and YN with some Gnocchi, they even ended up switching. The fight to split the bill was won by Harry as he asked her out, so it was all on him.

"Do you want to get icecream or something warm?" Harry asked as they walked out of the restaurant.

"It's very cold for Icecream." She reminded him.

"Then something warm it is," he opened the door to his car for her, "would you like some hot chocolate, it's a bit late for coffee I reckon?"

"Yeah. But it's on me." She said buckling up her seat belt.

"No, no," he warned her as he drove to the nearest Starbucks as that's the only place which would be open that late. The driveway on the passenger side, as YN ordered for two hot chocolates and paid for it the moment they reached the window. "Hey, you're making me upset!"

"Too bad, too bad my friend." She shrugged stuffing her wallet back in her coat pocket, he just chuckled giving up arguing with her already. He drove to the next window and finally parked in the car park.

Taking in a long breathe, he reflected on his day real quick. Or his evening you can say. He liked his time spent with her like he expected he would. He longed to hear her talk more about literally anything, than hear her calling out people come pick up their orders at the cafe. He wanted to do this again with her. Go out or hang out with her.

"I had a really good time with you, Harry." She shared, leaning back on her seat comfortably.

"Yeah?" He turned his head to look at her, "I did too."

"I know I shouldn't say this, but this doesn't feel real that I went on a date with you!" She shared hesitantly.

"Well, to put you at ease my love, I'm a narcissist so I don't mind that." He chuckled, she scoffed jokingly at his comment. She had much more to say much it can wait for some other time which is not their first date. They sat there in silence, a comfortable one might we add sipping on their hot chocolates.

"Don't make it awkward, say something." She spoke after a while.

"It's not awkward." Harry shrugged. "Is there anything to talk about?" He wondered.

"Not really." She looked at time on her watch, "I've got work tomorrow, I think we should call it a night."

"Mhmm," he sighed sadly, pulling out of the car park, he started driving back to her place.

The drive back to her place was awfully short for his liking. He stopped by her building, and got out with her.

"Thank you for going out with me." He said, "hope we could do this some time again?"

"Yeah," she smiled sheepishly. "We could do that."

"We'll plan that out soon then, yeah?" He carefully reached for her, to his surprise she slipped her hand right in his. Her felt cold against his.

"Mhmm." She nodded, "hug?" Without a word uttered Harry wrapped her in his arms, in a warm embrace making sure to be extra delicate with her. She draped her own around his shoulders. "Text me when you get back, okay?"

"I will." He nodded, with a last gentle squeeze he let her go.

"Good night." She said, gently slipping her hand from him.

"Good night, love." He waved at her as he walked back into her building.

Sighing he got back into his car, drove home with a possible second date.

......................................................................

N O T E:

1) Please do leave a comment about how you like this one.

2) Reminder that my requests are open atm.

3) it really calmed me writing this one. Hehe! The way of self validations I find. But I hope the person aho requested this liked it too. 🥺

Thank you so much for reading!

......................................................................

Tag list:

@vrittivsanghavi @buckymydarlingangel @sweetwritingfanficfriend @theroosterswife24 @sleutherclaw @melllinaa Lemme know if you want to added to the tag list

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #x reader #harry styles fic #harry fanfiction #harry styles one shot #harry styles blurb #harry styles concept #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #harry styles writing #harry styles x y/n #harry edward styles #harrys house #harry smut #harry styles smut

[ukrfeminism]

A new survey of female cyclists from the London Cycling Campaign has unveiled the relentless abuse women are subjected to on London’s roads. Now, a new petition (link below) is calling on the Mayor Of London to take action.

If you’ve never done it before, the idea of cycling in London can be intimidating. Wrapping your head around all the different routes and cycle lanes can be confusing, and the roads are particularly busy and crowded. But these are things that get easier with experience. What doesn’t get easier is having to deal with abuse – something nine out of 10 women who cycle on the streets of London have experienced, according to a new report. 

The research from the London Cycling Campaign, which aims to make cycling in London safer and more enjoyable for everyone, is based on a survey of 1,000 women who travel by bike in the capital. It found that 63% of women experience abuse from other road users at least once a month, with that abuse including verbal, sexual and physical attacks – including women being groped or slapped on their bikes while stopping at traffic lights. 

Women were also concerned about the safety of cycle routes and the infrastructure currently in place, with nine in 10 saying they would start to cycle or cycle more if they had safer cycle routes – for example, protected cycle tracks – for their journeys. Currently, over half of the women surveyed said they were forced to choose between cycling on busy roads without any safe space or through isolated, quiet or dark places for their journeys.  

The campaign group says these experiences – especially the on-road abuse – have a knock-on effect on the number of female cyclists in the city, where two-thirds of the daily cycle journeys are currently taken by men. And the survey backed this up: over 20% of the women said they’d given up cycling, temporarily or permanently, because of abuse. 

Stylist’s deputy editor Ellen Scott knows all too well how scary it can be to cycle as a woman in London. “I cycle to and from work and I love the freedom of it, but every commute has at least one dangerous moment: most often male delivery drivers on their bikes speeding past or cutting you off without warning,” she says.

“I had an incident a few months back where a male cyclist pushed past me and another woman while we were stopped at a red light. He did it so forcefully that I was shoved off my bike and left with a massive bruise. 

“And it’s not just other cyclists, of course. I was egged while riding my bike by some people driving past in a car. The same week I had a man in a van chase me while shouting out of his window because he thought I’d gone through a red light (I hadn’t).” 

Strong Women editor Miranda Larbi has also faced unwanted attention as a woman on the road. “Cycling is a massive part of my life, and I truly believe that it’s improved just about everything – my mental health, concentration, fitness and mood,” she explains. “In the winter – when it’s not raining – cycling is straightforward, but I’ve found that in the summer you tend to get quite a bit of unwanted attention. 

“Just when it gets warm enough to cycle in shorts and a vest, that’s when the horn beeps and shouting starts. I’ve even had a bloke run up to me at the traffic lights and try to sit behind me on my saddle. Men have tried to run after my bike or kerb crawl in cars alongside me. I’m not intimidated but I can see how that would put new cyclists off.”

Following on from the survey, the London Cycling Campaign has put together a petition calling on Sadiq Khan, the Mayor of London, to take urgent action to improve women’s physical and social safety while cycling in London. The suggested changes include providing more high-quality cycling infrastructure so women feel safe cycling on their own and with children, and working to measure and reduce the abuse women are subjected to.  

The petition, which is still available to sign, also calls for local cycle networks around schools and businesses to be improved to encourage more women to use cycling as a way to get around their local area. 

The final petition will be handed to a representative from the Mayor of London’s office at the group’s central London LCC Women’s Freedom Ride on Sunday 3 March. 

“While more and more people are cycling in London and safe cycle routes are rolling out in many boroughs, there’s still too many parts of London where cycling isn’t and doesn’t feel safe enough,” Eilidh Murray, chair of London Cycling Campaign, said of the findings. “Women still face additional barriers to cycling and additional hostility when cycling.” 

Sophie Linden, London’s deputy mayor for policing and crime, also responded to the survey’s findings: “Every woman and girl should be able to enjoy the benefits of cycling in London without fear of violence and intimidation. Yet sadly, across the UK, we face an epidemic of violence against women and girls and today’s report demonstrates the significant impact this abuse and aggression is having on women cyclists.” 

She continued: “It is simply unacceptable, and the Mayor and I are committed to preventing violence against women and girls and challenging the attitudes that enable these behaviours.” 

#Articles #Organisations #action #Health #MVAWG #community

[itsclydebitches]

Any tips for new grad students? I'm about to start in the fall and I'm curious how it'll be different/hopefully better than undergrad!

Congratulations, anon!!!

Let's see... some alphabetical tips based on my own experience:

Ask for help. You'll likely have a million questions and, unfortunately, the designated people who can answer them are often crazy busy and may take a while to get back to you, or forget entirely. So don't be afraid to ask for help from whoever might even feasibly know the answer -- including tumblr blogs! You're off to a great start lol

Be on the lookout for advisors early. Whether you're just in need of a singular advisory for a thesis, or if you'll be putting a whole committee together, approach every new instructor with the question, "Would I want them to mentor me through my research?" in the back of your mind. Pay attention to not just their specialties and teaching methods, but who they are as a person. Do you like them? Are you comfortable with them? Do they treat you respectfully? Do they seem to have everything well in hand? I loved my advisor dearly as a person, but he was often waaaaaay behind on his work. Looking back, I would have at least considered choosing someone with better organization/time management skills.

Get good at writing emails. Can you write a succinct, professional sounding email? Great! Get comfortable doing that throughout the whole day. Feeling a little iffy? Practice over the summer. There are a lot of templates online that can help, but you'll want to ensure you're not going into grad school still writing "k thx" from your iPhone at 3:00am. (For the record, your professors may do this, the students should not lol).

Have designated, scheduled downtime. Literally if you don't plan to take a break... you won't be taking a break. Not until your body decides to take one for you, anyway. Friday nights were always my couch potato time. Absolutely no work allowed and no strenuous activity unless it was something I was legitimately excited about (so no getting pressured into outings I didn't actually want to attend). Friday nights were sacred, a time for takeout and only whatever else I felt like doing, usually TV, video games, and vegging out with my cat.

Imposter Syndrome is a BITCH. Luckily, pretty much everyone's got it to a greater or lesser extent, we all just need to acknowledge it more. You know those boards some schools have celebrating places where students have gotten in and other achievements? Yeah, we put one up for failures in our department. Literally a giant, glittery, "CONGRATS YOU DIDN'T GET IT!" board where we hung proposal rejections, grant rejections, school rejections, scholarship rejections, job rejections, and on one memorable occasion a date rejection. I highly recommend it. Nothing lessens the sting quite as much as seeing that you're a part of a sea of similar disappointments and remembering that you're all in the same, often luck-based boat.

Pick a non-academic hobby. Your mental health will thank you, trust me. Like the designated downtime, you need to be doing something that's not reading/writing/researching 24/7. Pick a hobby that in no way relates to academics or your chosen field, preferably something hands-on and creative. Grad school is when I picked up crocheting alongside knitting.

Prepare to hold down two jobs. This really only applies if you're going to be teaching while you get your degree (or if you have an outside job for the paycheck), but I was pretty blindsided by what it took to be a full-time student and a half-time instructor. I don't really have good advice beyond "Figure out your time management skills now" and "Don't pour all your energy into one or the other because the one you've neglected WILL come back to bite you in the ass," but even just being aware of how difficult it is going to be would have staved off the initial shock.

Read strategically. Perhaps this is different for someone not in the Humanities, but you will be reading a LOT in grad school. Like, an absolutely stupid amount. There simply will not be time to cover everything from title to footnotes (I know, it hurts), so get comfortable with reading abstracts, chapter summaries, skimming, and otherwise summarizing lengthy works to figure out what you should prioritize. Unless a whole article is assigned for class, figure out what you need from any given text -- or what you think you may need -- and hone in on that. You can always return to read more if you have the time.

SAVE EVERYTHING. Do not delete emails. Get copies of everything even remotely official. Print everything out. Buy yourself a couple of cheap file boxes, stick them under your bed, and keep it all just in case. What kind of things have I unexpectedly needed to dredge up weeks, months, or even years later? The printed paper with hand-written comments to justify a grade I gave. An ancient email from a committee member proving that they did in fact sign off on a certain chapter choice. A copy of the publication forms I signed for a book collection after those got lost on their end (somehow). Seriously, save everything. You'll never know when you may need proof of some communication you've had.

Take naps. That's it. That's the advice. Someone gives you shit for being "lazy" or tries to make you feel bad for "wasting" a sunny afternoon? Make them step on a Lego and then both of you take your nap outside. Naps are beautiful and sacred and life-saving. Just set a good alarm for whenever your next class/meeting is.

Work at making friends. Unlike high school or even college where you'll be spending the day with a core group of people, in graduate school (unless your school is really small) the students are a lot more spread out and there aren't as many built-in opportunities to socialize. So plan to put in more effort at connecting with others because you will want that camaraderie, both for practical help and your sanity. I didn't realize how much more I needed to do to get to know my peers until I was nearly finished my Master's. Luckily, my PhD threw me into an office with seven other grads, so I didn't have a choice about getting to know them lol

You're responsible for your own learning. You've gotten a taste of this in college, but grad school cranks it up to 11. You're an adult (not an "adult" adult like a college student) and you've committed to putting forth 2-7 additional years towards your education. The expectation is that you want to be here and will showcase the necessary effort without outside influence (unless you require accommodations, of course). Be prepared for your instructors to treat you like a peer, both when it comes to the fun stuff - intense debates about your field! - and the responsibilities they expect you to follow through on. In some ways grad school is nothing like college because you are now focused on one subject, you are working collaboratively with people who were once solely authority figures, and 95% of the work will occur outside the classroom via self-teaching. You're a professional now. Still being mentored, but well on your way to that equal standing. The sooner you realize that you are responsible for your own education and future career -- not your teachers, your parents, your BFF, your roommate, etc. -- the better.

Most importantly:

#school #teaching #grad school

[yikimiki]

I feel like requesting for some CEO erwin who traps reader?

The how, the when, iss all on you

Took me a while to think about the concept of “trapping” here — so I basically went in every possible direction known to man

⚠️ warnings: toxic/dark content!!, vague smut, erwin is very narcissistic and sadistic, CEO!Erwin x MedStudent!Reader, 20 year age gap (25 and 45), manipulation, abusive relationship (emotional, psychological, financial), mentions of pregnancy and baby trapping

—

Erwin’s victory started with a small suggestion — something so bland and unimportant that you didn’t even pay attention to it, but now you deeply wish you could take back. “Why don’t you spend some time away from school? Take less classes. You can stay with me, darling, live a little.”

It was spoken over a glass of wine, in between silly giggles and stupid jokes, lost in the warmth of the candle lights and the dinner in front of you. You and Erwin had been going strong for some time then, almost seven months together, and you had no reason to suspect ill will. So you said yes.

The change was actually very kind to your mental health and, even if you were a semester away from graduating, you decided to step back. Erwin asked you to move in with him, into his beautiful penthouse facing the bay, and you accepted. He suggested that you take the entire rest of the year of to travel with him, and you did. And, when you come back, your education has practically vanished from the forefront of your mind.

You have the intention of coming back to med school, and you tell him so thousands of time — which Erwin politely agrees with. But, at the same time, it is like he always has this great new opportunity for you that stands in the way. “Why don’t we move? You can decorate however you want, darling, I’ll just pay,” or maybe, “Don’t you think going out with your friends has been a little draining? Why don’t we stay together more often, just the two of us?”

To make things worse, Erwin works all the time. He leaves you alone in this humongous, empty, pseudo-modernist house that you can’t stand, doing things you can’t stand — all day long, every day. You clean, you get everything in order, you watch stupid TV shows and you put some pre cooked meal in the oven a little before he comes come. You hate being a housewife, you miss your freedom, your intellectual pursuits in medicine. And, most of all, you miss doing something else.

“I think I’m going back to school,” you say one night over dinner. “I already submitted my information. Just waiting for them to get back to me.”

Erwin places his knife down. And, just like that, it’s like your previous years together never existed.

“To do what, get more debt? Like I’m not paying enough?” He asks — cold, calculated. The room feels like it’s tilting a little. “Do you know how much I spend on you? How much I spent on this house, on everything you bought, and now you want me to just accept another load of cash just… out of my wallet?”

“I’m… I’m not asking you to pay for anything,” it’s all you can say.

He sneers. “Oh, you never ask. But I always do.” Erwin leans back again the chair. “Besides, it’s not like you have the money anyways. So let’s not kid ourselves here — you know I work hard, extra fucking hard, to make you happy. So what is it? Am I not making you happy?”

You blink, not recognizing the man before you anymore. “You make me happy, Erwin. But I need more than this. I miss my life, my friends…”

“Oh, so I’m not enough, is that it?” He gives you this wicked smile that has your stomach clenching. Erwin sighs, disappointed, and gets up from the table. “Let’s do it like this: I’ll leave you alone tonight so you can think about what is it that you want—“

“Wait, no that’s not…”

“—And, tomorrow, when I come back, we can talk better about it,” he finishes. “If you want to go to med school, we can figure it out.”

The night passes in a blur of tears and cries, confused thoughts coming and going in your head. All you can think is that you were raised better than this — better than to lower your expectations for someone else, better than to let someone else dictate your future. But, at the same time, you’re so hurt. Erwin has been your everything for so long now that you don’t even know what you’ll do without him. You don’t have a job, you’re away from family and friends, and you wouldn’t even know where to start he were to kick you out. He is everything you have.

So, next morning, when he shows up with a bouquet at your door, you forgive him. And you swallow your pride and tell him you can wait another year or so to get on your feet.

Erwin seems blissful, and even creates a job at his company for you to make your own money… which he pockets, to take better care of it — because “you don’t know how to invest”. He loves seeing you around every day at work, and you like it too, but you can’t help to feel a little claustrophobic at the way your life has turned into a pendulum between your house and your work. And Erwin. Erwin is always there.

You get tired of suggesting dates with him. Erwin has turned every single comment of yours into an episode of self flagellation — he isn’t good enough, you don’t love him, there’s someone else, you don’t want to be with him. And so you retreat, afraid of more conflict, and let things accumulate.

Erwin’s victory concludes one autumn night, before you even realize there was a game being played. He kisses you like the world is about to end, worships your body like a temple and, at the last minute, suggests that you change just one last thing for him: “what do you think about not taking the pill anymore?”

You hesitate this time, but accept superficially. You keep taking it until it’s over, and you realize that there isn’t a way for you to buy more of it without Erwin realizing it — it’s his card, and he doesn’t give you any extra money. He takes you to and from work. There’s no free time.

So you pray that it won’t happen. For three months after your pause your period doesn’t come, then it resumes, thin and painful, then strong. Erwin fills you up with cum every night, more often than before, because there’s a mission now, there’s a plan in his mind. And you are afraid to say anything else, afraid to sadden him or make him mad, because you feel like without him, you’re nothing. Without him, you don’t even know how you are.

“It’s positive? Why didn’t you tell me?” Erwin walks into the living room one day, test in hand. You had thrown it in the trash earlier.

You force a smile, but there are tears in your eyes. “I wanted to make a surprise,” you lie. “Are you happy?”

Erwin smiles. “The happiest I’ve ever been.”

#Erwin smut #Erwin angst #erwin x y/n #Erwin x you #Erwin x reader #attack on titan smut #snk smut

[palacholic]

Storytime

So...it's time to introduce you to the wicked ways of my weirdness, to show you what it's like to be me, starting from the beginning...

Right now I'm in my first semester at Charles university, Prague. I've been living in the Czech republic for a few months now, I chose to move there right after finishing high school in my home country. I spent years preparing for my life abroad, studying the Czech language, taking care of all the formalities that are necessary to move to a new country, most of it by myself, getting to know the country that I consider my home and I wish to live in for the rest of my life.

Why all this? What made me take such an unexpected choice, leaving behind everything I knew, saying goodbye to my friends and family and to the life I could have had in my home country?

As you could probably guess from my username and the content on my blog, the answer is simple:

Jan Palach

Yes. That Jan Palach. The student who on 16th January 1969 set himself on fire in protest of the apathy and resignation of the Czechoslovak people following the soviet occupation of Czechoslovakia. A guy who's been dead for over half a century.

I first heard about him during a time when I was struggling a lot with my mental health. His story gave me strength and hope, what he did reminded me that there are things worth fighting for, things worth living for. I know this sounds kinda paradoxical given that he died because of what he did but that's the point - he was willing to sacrifice his life because he wanted others to live in a better world. He didn't kill himself because he hated life, on the contrary he loved it.

I found something that gave me joy, something I liked doing - reading and watching everything I could find about him. I spent a lot of time researching him and loved every new detail I found out. I started researching him out of admiration for his act and became more and more intrigued by his personality, his interests, the things he believed in...I look up to him a lot. It's incredible how much this helped me getting better mentally and eventually healing from the worst of my mental issues. I started looking forward to the future again, especially after visiting the Czech Republic for the first time.

I came to Prague to pay my respects to Jan Palach, to visit the places where he lived, to say thank you...and fell in love with the city and Czech culture overall more than I expected. I met amazing people and had some of the best experiences of my life, and soon after I realised that moving to Czechia was the right thing to do. That I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't go through with it, that if I stayed in my home country I would never be as happy as I am now.

Two years later I finally packed my things and went on my way...as soon as I left the airport on my arrival I felt that I'd made the right choice and everything that happened since then only confirmed that feeling. Even the bad things. It's not always easy but it feels right, in a way that's hard to convey by words. I sometimes think about how crazy this all is but I'm so glad it happened. I'm thankful for everything I have now, my friends, my hobbies, my new home. I love it every day more. And I don't care how weird it is that all this started because of a guy who died more than half a century ago. Was it only a coincidence that I watched the news that day when they talked about him? Is there more to it? Who knows? Is it relevant? I don't think so.

I hope he'd be happy to know that he saved me and how much he means to me. If I could, I'd thank him for everything.

I started this blog to share my feelings and my journey as an expat in Czechia. You'll find memes, stories of a foreigner's life in Prague and of course a lot of history-related things. I'm happy to answer all your questions and tell you more. I hope to make new friends and find people with whom I can talk about my interests. I'm glad to be here and I love you all, I'm proud of y'all for being here too <3

this post took me waaayyyy too long to write and maybe I'll edit it again sometime in the future, if you read all of this I'm genuinely impressed, please tell me your thoughts in the comments or send an ask if you want to :)

#storytime #my story #introduction post #pinned post #pinned intro #new tumblr #new to tumblr #expat in czechia #expatlife #special interest #jan palach #czechia #czech republic #česko #česká republika #czech #česky #učím se česky #český jazyk #czech language #czech history #čeština #hezky česky #personal #čumblr

[cupids-chamber]

2023/08/23

I'll be on my way now, I'm closing down all my other blogs and ask bin. I'd prefer if no one reached out to me during this time.

I'll be active on my Wattpad account if I feel like writing from time to time, (I'd also like to finish what I started) I've also made an AO3 account, in case I post anything. I plan on posting my Concubine series & Circus au works there as well.

(More info below the undercut)

Hi! This may come of as a shock, and I try not to get too open on this blog, but a month, or so ago. I posted about how I might have DID. (I did extensive research on DID, and reached out to my cousin who had DID for help, and though I will not self diagnose, I match almost all if not all the symptoms for it.)

This Cupid persona has developed into someone of it's own, and I don't feel like I'm the same person as before, and in all honesty I genuinely don't even know who I'm anymore. It's hard for me to focus on my health and mental health, along side simple tasks and even hobbies like writing which I love.

I will say coming into tumblr, the past two years caused me more harm then good. I've realized that though I came into this app being extremely s*icidal and interacting with the users here have made me feel better about myself. It has caused many negative impacts, and I can confidently say that due to me obsessing over writing on time or everyday for tumblr, I've developed an eating disorder of sorts, and recently it seems my body is rejecting food as a whole.

I love writing, and I love that people enjoy my writing, sadly it's the cause of a lot of health issues, mentally and physically. And though I still write from time to time, recently typing or writing by hand makes me feel awful and it's not like those usual burn outs.

I feel like crying as I'm typing this up, and a lot of people may call me dramatic for this but I genuinely feel a pit in my stomach when I go on this app it's not even funny anymore. This blog itself has caused me so much trouble behind the scenes, and though I'm not quitting. I most certainly can't leave something I've worked so hard on, (and this is the place where I met the few people that honestly may not know it, but probably helped stop me from offing myself.)

Like I said, I'll be on different apps, maybe once every 2 weeks or a month, but I'm trying to avoid social media, trying to pick up new hobbies, trying to gain some sort of stability in my life because I'm not stable enough to handle anything right now but like I said, I love writing and I think you guys should at least see it through on the series and tasks I've started.

I'm crying now, and I'm very grateful that you've all supported my work, and allowed me to explore my writing on this platform, I've learned a lot about this fandom. I still find it ironic that people call me a workaholic, I'm genuinely the biggest procrastinator you'll ever meet.

Thank you for supporting me, because without your support and reassurance, I might not have been here until now. Especially to some of my moots, who took the time to chat with me.

So, this is goodbye I suppose. At least on this platform, maybe not forever, but it is goodbye for the next good while.

— Signing off, cupids-chamber

[sonderhearts]

Hellooo

Soooo i totally got this plot from one of my favorite books but i saw that you do taboo stuff so what about an au where Ghost quits the military thing because of all the mental health issues that come with it and he tries different things as a civilian, one of them is preparing to be a priest and he achieves it (maybe being a priest in a small town will help to ease his past turmoiled life) but then reader moves to said town, escaping from her family because her ex bf outed her as a "weirdo" just because she has "not so common" kinks like cnc but then she sees how hot the town priest is so she starts volunteering in the church to get close to Ghost, even if she can't have him, not knowing Simon is also having a hard time keeping it together, but then she starts confessing her sins to Ghost and one day Ghost can't take it anymore, he takes his cock out while reader confesses and cums inside the confessionary just listening to her nasty sins

... was that too long?? Is just an idea haha i also hope it's not too much 😥

A|N — god tier stuff!!! You always give me some of my favourite asks. Hope you enjoy darling 🫶🏻

-ˋˏ 𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐌 ˎˊ-

priest!ghost × afab!reader [ongoing]

warnings/tags — 18+, smut, priest!ghost, male and female masturbation, mentions of cnc, sub!reader, tiny bit of degradation, mild sir kink, religious talk.

Summary — you go to confess your sins on some nasty thoughts you have... Simon finds them more than just intriguing.

Part two [not yet done]

Everytime he heard her voice, his body tensed — not because he disliked this girl no, far from it, more because her confessions always brought something out of him that he can’t quite describe. Though it goes against everything he’s working for. Yet, he can’t stop.

She is a guilty pleasure.

Simon sits back on the confessional, placing his large hands atop his thighs, lightly scratching at the fabric as he awaits his next confessor.

Once again, that familiar voice sounds through the box.

“Father Simon.” You greet him, accustomed to this ordeal now thanks to your regular visits to spill your sins upon his non-judgmental ears.

“Thank you for coming, please, confess.” He says, his voice a lower octave than usual, something that always happens within your presence.

For a moment there’s silence and he almost wonders if you up and left. That’s until he hears a small sigh that breaks his train of thought. He’s relieved you’re not gone.

“Father I can’t stop having these shameful thoughts— I dream of them in my sleep and dream of them in the day.” You start, looking down at your shoes nervously. Despite how many times you’ve confessed your thoughts, it never stops being a little embarrassing.

“Please, continue. Confess and be free of your sins, let me listen.” His voice sends shivers down your spine. Despite you never getting to see his face during these talks, you always imagine it. A soft expression in those deep brown eyes, rubbing his thumb over the fabric of his pants — a habit he does when he’s focused, or nervous.

With a deep breath you continue, “I daydream of being taken by someone, usually against my will. Well, sort of against my will. I like it though.”

Now this. This is new to him, more intriguing than usual.

“Oh?” The word escapes him and he cursed himself for sounding interested. “Please continue, let me understand the depth of your sinful thoughts.”

You’re sure you’re mistaking it, though it does sound like he’s speaking a bit different. Lower, every vowel in each word says is annunciated. Shaking your head, you try to gather your thoughts.

“I’m not sure really... I like the thought of someone pinning me down, forcing me to squirm and struggle, begging to be let go,” you gulp nervously. On the other side of the booth Simon fidgets, rubbing his thumb against the fabric of his trousers, other fingers almost clawing into it.

Yet his voice remains composed. For now.

“Hm, that is a rather sinful thought.” He says, albeit kind of dryly. “How does the situation usually turn out in your head?” He tilts his head while asking, rubbing his trousers a little rougher now.

“It usually continues, a struggle as they pin me down, pushing my face down into some pillows while keeping my hands pinned behind my back with one of their’s.” Your hand begins to wander as you speak, softly kneading your inner thigh as you look over at the wall between you and Simon. You desperately want to see his expression.

He feels his chest tighten, the imagery popping into his head involuntarily. He imagines pinning you down onto the bed, watching you squirm and cry out his name while he keeps you still.

Imagining bringing his spare hand between your thighs, kneading your ass softly in his grip. God, he usually wouln’t use the lord's name in vain but right now, that’s all he wants to do.

“Continue.” Simon bluntly says. You can hear the dryness in his voice now, how it’s straining just a tad. You like that fact.

It’s getting to him.

“Yes father,” you hand begins to wander further, palming over your panties under your skirt while letting out a shuddery sigh, “I usually imagine their hands going between my thighs, slipping their fingers through my f-folds.” You whimper out the last part, circling your clit through the thin fabric over it.

A deep, gutteral groan leaves his lips at your whimper, desperate to hear more of your sweet noises.

“How do you imagine it to feel...?”

“Like heaven... Or as close as I can get to it.” Biting your bottom lip gently, you rub yourself softly through your panties, imagining your fingers to be his. Shifting in the seat you spread your legs a little wider — as if you’re trying to accommodate an extra body between them.

“Filthy girl.” Heart bursting out of your chest, you cease your actions just for a moment, trying to process if he actually just muttered those two words. “Is there someone in particular you imagine?”

Simon begins to palm himself slowly, rubbing over his growing erection that’s contained by his tight trousers; the ones you love to watch him walk away from you in.

“Father Simon I—” you whine, not really wanting to fess up about how deep your fantasies go. “I-I think of you.”

“Fuck,” you hear him softly curse and it’s the first time you’ve ever heard him do it, considering his a priest and all. “Good, that’s good.”

He doesn’t shy away from it, instead the furthest opposite. To his acception of this you let your head loll back, staring at the golden light, God rays peering through the shapened holes of the confessional. Quickly you started up where you left off, though this time sliding your fingers under the hem of your panties, collecting up some arousal from your slit and dragging it up to circle your bundle of nerves.

“Mmh... Simon,” he listens to your little whimpers, small pleads along with his name on your tongue. He eats it up, hearing your voice say his name like that only riles him more, so much so he’s unbuttoning his trousers to expose his pants underneath. His cock is beyond hard, almost painfully.

Since becoming a priest he didn’t necessarily stop touching himself but he did slow. It only leaves him feeling more needy for that wet little pussy that he dreams of fucking every night while he strokes himself off.

Now finally he has the sounds to go with those fantasies, as well as a chance to turn those fantasies into a reality.

Gently he prods his tip, noticing the damp patch that’s been forming on the fabric of his boxers. Instantly he groans, tilting his head to the side where you are on the other side of the thin wall separating the two of you. Desperately he wants to meet your gaze, see every expression you make while touching yourself.

“Go on, keep sayin’ my name lass, utter those dirty little sins to me. I wanna hear what you want me to do to you.” Despite not having done this for awhile, he’s not lost his spark. Still the smooth talker he’s always been.

“Simon please,” pressing three fingers over your clit you stroke yourself faster, “I need you.”

You hear him hum in response, as well as you hear his breathing quicken along with the sound of fabric being removed.

“I know, I know. Can’t right now, you know that.” While Simon desperately wants you — wants to do all the things you told him about and more, he’s got that twinge of guilt. Promised himself he’d do better, just do his job and get on with his quaint, quiet life.

Yet here he is, jacking himself off while listening to the confessions of a sweet little sinner that he can never stop staring at in church.

Fuck, he’s always staring. Those pretty white dresses you always wear, just a tad too short for such a religious setting. He likes the way you kneel to pray, dipping your head down and muttering softly to be forgiven. God knows why you were asking for forgiveness. Now him and God get to share that knowledge.

“C’mon lamb keep talkin’ to me.” His formal speech fades, melting into a thicker Scottish accent, shortening his words while he coaxes more out of you.

“I-I’ve wanted you so bad, been thinking about it everytime I come to church. Can’t help it.” Your words fill his ears like his favourite melody, making him softly slide his boxers down so his cock can spring free.

“Mmm, s’that so? So, so sinful.” His palm wraps around his shaft, making him jump at how hard and almost painful it is, “filthy little girl. Knew there was somethin’ going on behind those pretty doe eyes.” He pumps himself slowly.

“M’sorry I’m not a good girl. Been sinning since I started coming here.” Fingers slide over your clit, pinching gently. Every part of you wants him so bad, just to be inside you so bad.

Listening a bit harder you can hear him panting, damn near growling at your words, all that along with the light wet sounds coming from him pumping is aching cock.

You imagine what it looks like... How pink his leaking tip must be, the way it’s probably veiny and throbbing for you.

Sure you’ve seen cock before but you’ve only ever had one boyfriend and he never truly felt good inside you. Not enough thickness, length, never saying anything to you to help you along.

Simon groans, thinking about how badly he needs you. Needs that tight cunt around his cock, bouncing up and down it with his large hands guiding your plush hips. Swiping his thumb over the top, collecting some precum he whines. So sensitive.

“What are you doing to yourself, hm? Describe what you’re doing with those pretty delicate fingers and don’t think for a second I didn’t notice. Can hear how slick you are from jus’ thinkin’ about me.”

You make the most lewd noise in response, rubbing yourself a bit faster.

“Ahn— I’m just circling my clit...” You whine shyly, peering down between your legs to stare at the way your fingers desperately rub around the bundle of nerves, a spark of shame running through you. You’re sitting in a confessional, getting yourself off at your priest talks to you — touching himself on the otherside.

So sinful...

“You poor little lamb, bet you’ve been desperate for me haven't you? Needy f’me.” Nodding in response, you realise he can’t hear you so you do your best to vocalise it.

“Mmh, yes sir.” Squeaking out that name you make his cock jolt in his hand, twitching at being called such a name.

Pumping himself faster, he can already feel his orgasm fast approaching. After the months and weeks that he neglects it, his cock grows desperate for relief. Not only from his rough hand but your pretty cunt that he knows damn well would be so tight that it would choke his cock.

The imagery in his head and it’s almost sending him over the edge. However he doesn’t want to cum yet no, he wants to hear your sweet whines and moans while you finish as he gets himself off to it.

“Simon I can’t go much longer.” Your voice calls to him, making his hand go faster, fist clamped around his length — mouth agape, an almost whine leaving his lips. He’s so desperate but so are you.

“Cum for me lass... Let me listen to those pretty noises. Need’ta hear ’em.” Simon groans at the end, looking down at his cock in his hand. The tip’s leaking, dribbling down onto his roughed knuckles, down the back of his hand. In his mind an image of you pops up, knelt on your knees in one of those dresses you always wear to church.

He imagines those doe eyes, pupils blown wide and filled with desperation for him. For a taste. Sometimes Simon can be oblivious but those looks never went over his head, the way you'd tease him with every word you spoke from those soft lips. How he’d like to put something between them.

“Si— ah! Simon.” His words are the final straw, forcing tingles up between your thighs and through your spine. Your fingers go a little faster now, chasing that high, chasing that feeling that so far only you have been able to give yourself.

Gently you slither your right hand down, slipping a middle finger into your heat. A strangled moan leaves your lips at the feelings, thinking about how his fingers would feel. You always watch him, the way he flicks the pages of his Bible, licking his thumb before turning the page. They’re thick and long, it would probably stretch you with one alone.

You’d revel in that pain.

Panting he pumps himself faster, Keeling over himself as he chased his own high.

“Cum. Cum for me and I promise I’ll make this up to you some way darling I p-promise that.” Simon stutters at the end, feeling himself get close.

His promise is enough for you, you didn’t even expect more than what you’re getting today and you’d have been happy with that. The thought of more than just this excites you.

A new gush of arousal coats your finger and you whine, curling it up into that soft spot that makes you unravel.

“G’nna— gonna cum Si-” a moan rips through your throat, clenching around your finger and stroking your clit almost too roughly. Your cum spills, dripping down your own hand and onto the seat you’re on. Though you don’t notice that.

Hearing you finish sends him over the edge, clutching his cock tightly he pumps only a few more times and then spills out himself. His cum spurts up, going all over his hand and his trousers. Simon groans sweetly, muttering curses and praises.

“Good girl, such a good girl— fuck, such a dirty little thing for me. So good.” He gives it a few more strokes before stopping, already feeling overstimulated.

You pant softly, looking down at how your thighs are covered in slick and sweat. In all honesty you grimace at how desperate you are and were. Getting so worked up for a man who’s older than you, someone who your dad for sure wouldn’t like to see you with. He wouldn’t really like to see you with anyone though.

You hear Simon clear his throat, along with the sound of his trousers being zipped back up and adjusted. He’s still rock hard despite already cumming.

“Thank you for coming to me sweetheart. You’re free of your sins and forgiven.” Somehow he sounds already more composed even seconds after finishing. “Next time you find yourself having such thoughts, don’t hesitate to come to me and confess... I’ll always listen.”

Simon’s words have a sweetness to it, like more than just something dirty. You desperately hope you’re right about that.

“Thank you father Simon. I will.” You reply with a smile, as if he’s looking at you right now.

Carefully you get up, minding the shake in your legs. Brushing down your slightly ruffled skirt you go to the door, slipping it open and peering around for any sign of life. To your relief there’s no one.

Taking a glance at where Simon would be you grin again. “Bye.” With that you take off, walking down the middle isle with a pip in your step and a dumb grin on those lips.

Simon huffs, trying to wipe the smile off his. Even if he feels guilty for several reasons, he hasn’t cum like that in years no matter what he watched or did. He’s going to need that again.

“Jesus...” He mutters, getting up from his seat and making sure it’s all clear.

Opening the door his eyes go to the side you were on. He thinks to himself it’s best he checks it’s all clear too — surely you wouldn’t be so careless?

Of course you would be.

He peers into the tiny room, spotting the leather seat glistening in the warm lighting that shines into the room. Instantly his palm meets his mouth, feeling almost shameful.

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to stay an extra few minutes before closing up.

Simon eyes the church, making sure it’s clear he closes the door behind him.

He’s got a few sins to confess of his own.

Tags — @lieblinqs @fullldash

#simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon riley x you #simon riley x reader #ghost x you #ghost cod #cod simon riley #simon ghost riley #cod x reader #cod fic #cod mw ghost #ghost mwii #ghost mw2 #smut #fic: peccatum

[dreamersparacosm]

austin butler - kissing in the bathroom

warnings ; intoxication, oral (f receiving)

request ; anonymous’ ask linked here

prompt ; in which austin takes it upon himself (with a bit of liquid courage) to help relieve your urges.

a/n ; there is clearly something wrong w me bc i got this request and literally wrote it in under 12 hours. it’s all over the place but that’s my life these days so please enjoy also this takes place during dune 2 filming and i used the cast so some things may be inaccurate but whatever

les - childish gambino

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

realistically, you’re not an irrational person. you like to think that you make decisions based off of facts, and that your brain is wired in a way where you don’t normally partake in things that are considerably risky. however, later, when you let austin butler go down on you in the bathroom at a crowded club in budapest, the pads of his fingers leaving bruises on your hips, dress hiked up to your belly button, you’ll start to question if you’re actually mentally stable.

realistically, you probably should’ve just seen a therapist for all your troubles instead.

“okay, wait, so run me through why you won’t go out tonight again,” florence pugh pesters you for the thirtieth time that day, puppy-dog eyes filled with hope piercing through you. somehow, when you look at her, you feel no guilt whatsoever.

you sigh, rolling your eyes, “dude, i’m not going to a club. i’m literally 25, i’m past that point of my life —“

“i’m 26.”

“and, you’re mentally ill. see, this is why i don’t hang out with you on set more often,” you tease, taking a bite out of the cookie you had snatched earlier from the snack cart. it tastes like cardboard, but you had no choice but to swallow it, seeing as your other options were the moldy sandwich from the shop nearby or day-old coffee from the cart. combined with your recent sleeping habits, you might as well have chosen death.

“no, you don’t hang out with me because you’re too busy being a director’s pet,” she sticks her tongue out at you, taking a bite out of the lunch she had packed herself earlier that morning. you two are cozily perched in director’s chairs you had stolen from set, hiding from the bustling commotion that is your reality. you had signed on to film dune 2 earlier that year, and although you thought you would be able to handle the adrenaline and stress that came along with filming an action movie, to be quite honest, you were utterly and entirely exhausted. every waking moment was spent running over lines with co-stars, and if not that, you were going through stunts with the coordinators.

your limbs ached and your eyes were bloodshot, but despite all that, you couldn’t imagine doing anything else. so, you did take advantage of that cookie that tasted like cardboard, because who cares? you love your job, isn’t that enough? fuck the sleep, fuck the mental health! your body is begging, screaming, for a break, but instead, you fuel it with red bulls and cardboard cookies and bandage it up to make good as new. so, you resolve to tell florence that that’s really why you’re not going to the club tonight.

but, because she’s florence, and she can’t keep her mouth shut for a second, she keeps going. “what’ll it take to convince you?”

“literally nothing,” you smile sarcastically, crumbs littering your shirt as you take another bite.

“nothing?” she questions exasperatedly, something between a groan and a sigh exiting her lips. “what if i told you everyone was going?”

you blink twice at her attempt to coerce you into spending time with your co-stars. sure, they were great people, but your bed was calling your name “you… really think that would make me want to go?”

“nah. it was worth a shot, though.”

you laugh at the relinquishment of her efforts, “but, i do want to know what happens tonight when everyone gets drunk.”

“oh, please,” she snorts. “nothing’s gonna happen. zendaya is so far up tom’s ass, we’re gonna see her text him all night.”

you chuckle at the truth of the statement, but a twinge of jealousy still makes its way through you. you hadn’t been in a serious relationship since your last one — the 6-foot-something athlete you dated, needs no name — and it ended so horrifically that you swore off men for the rest of your life. sure, you had frivolous flings with hollywood men, but nothing of importance enough to break down the wall that you guarded yourself with. “god, must be nice,” you mutter, playing with the hem of your shirt.

florence’s eyes light up, as if a lightbulb was powered on above her head. “okay.. hear me out. what if, we go out tonight and get you laid?”

the word sounds ridiculous rolling off her tongue, something you hadn’t thought about in months. you were comfortable with two people; your right hand, and your left hand. those were the only things you needed to get off and have a great time on your own. but, seeing the look on her face, you know she won’t take that for an answer. “in budapest?”

“tell me i’m wrong! a nice european man with an accent,” she’s now leaning forward in her chair, eyes sparkling as she goes on, “and he’ll buy your drinks all night. i mean, we were planning on getting a table tonight but at least this way, you can get drunk off whatever he buys you.”

“we haven’t even found a man yet, and you’re talking about him like he’s my boyfriend.”

“i have high hopes!” she exclaims, hands clasped together in delight, “you’re literally gorgeous, [y/n]. i’m sure that won’t be an issue.”

“i don’t want a random guy, though. it feels slimy,” you grimace. it really does sound unappealing to you, the thought of having to speak to someone for several hours before finally getting drunk enough to succumb to the animalistic urges you’ll inevitably feel.

“okay…fair. but, what if it’s not a random guy?” she raises an eyebrow, and you stare at her quizzically. surely, she can’t be headed with this where you think she’s going with this. “what about… someone we know?”

“no.”

it’s firm and it slips off your tongue before you even have a chance to let her finish. god forbid you let her even say the words, or you’ll wring her neck.

“but —“

“literally, no. like, who even would i possibly get with?”

“timothee?” the name almost makes you giggle, but you could only smile as to not embarrass him (even if he’s not present).

“definitely not him. he’s not my type,” you shake your head in disgust.

she taps her finger against her chin, pretending to look lost in thought, “okay, how about the cameraman everyone says is hot?”

“easy steve? are you kidding, flo? that’s your choice for me?” you cross your arms over your chest, staring at her in disdain. she couldn’t possibly be talking about the 20-something year old who had hooked up with half of the crew already.

“yeah… i felt bad even saying it. he’s definitely got something by now,” she goes back to her train of thought, list of men dwindling by the second as she realizes you two really don’t work with as many hot men as you think you do. but, just as she’s about to rest her case and close the conversation, she has an epiphany. “wait, what about austin?”

austin butler was what everyone referred to as an overachiever. not on purpose — no, he was too humble for that — but because he worked so hard to perfect his craft. you had to commend him for it, because you were willing to give it the old heave-ho and just let things be as is. he was a bit of a superstar on and off set, riding on the coattails of his newfound success from elvis, the movie he had filmed that had been released just a few months back. you were lying if you said you hadn’t seen the movie and nearly creamed yourself twice at his performance.

he was attractive — you could at least give him that — but he almost seemed too pretty to be real. despite all that, you weren’t even sure if you two had a full conversation before. the most you had gotten out of him was hey, how are you today? and they’re ready for you on set. you weren’t sure if he was scared of you, or just genuinely found no interest in getting to know you; regardless, it didn’t bother you. he seemed to fade into the background every time you came around, and you had already accepted that that was your working relationship with him.

“eh, too pretty for me.”

“really?” florence seems shocked by your statement. “you did see elvis, right..?”

“yeah, who didn’t?” you shrug, “i don’t know, i feel like he’s just there.”

she chortles at your statement, “what? he’s so cool, he makes the funniest jokes.”

okay, now you’re slightly offended. you could accept that maybe he was just a shy person all around, but if he was talking to everyone except you — including putting up with florence’s constant chatter — there had to be something severely wrong with you. “well, he’s never told me any jokes.”

a sneaky grin makes its way onto her face, and you can almost see the wheels turning in her little pea brain. “what, you jealous?”

“shut it. he just literally does not speak to me,” you don’t give in to her antics. “like, he’ll see me come across the way and then he’ll go mute. i’m fine with that, honestly.”

“fine, fine,” she raises her hands in defeat. “but, i still think you need to get laid. it’ll solve all your problems. and, plus, i’m offering to buy you a bottle of vodka for you to drink all by yourself.”

she knows she’s making offers to you that you can’t refuse.

“whatever,” you stand up from the chair, “i’m not going.”

▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓

maybe it’s the sleep exhaustion making you delusional, maybe it’s the two tequila shots you took by yourself in your hotel room, or, maybe it’s the conversation you had with florence earlier, but, somehow, you find yourself sandwiched in between your co-stars and crew members at a sweaty club in budapest, hungary.

it’s all florence’s fault.

you’re supposed to be tucked into bed, reading a book, possibly, or even lazily watching a netflix show while sipping a cup of tea. but, the rap music pounds into your ears, strobe lights casting colorful illumination across the dance floor. you clutch the vodka bottle closer to your chest, watching as sweaty bodies collided in a mere attempt to feel something. florence can sense your fear and desire to leave, and while you’re still staring intently at the crowd, she creeps up next to you. “so.. are you gonna drink the bottle i bought you, or are you gonna hug it all night?”

you look around the table, bottles being kept cool in ice buckets and napkins strewn messily across the wood, locking eyes with a few of your cast members. zendaya and timothee seem deep in conversation over something, probably a drunken talk about how zendaya hated crowds and more specifically, non-casual drinks. you’re debating on how you answer her question, following up with “well, eventually gonna drink it. soaking it all in now.”

“you need to catch up,” she says, but you can already smell the alcohol on her breath. there’s not much catching up to do; she’s probably already near obliterated. “i don’t wanna be drunk alone.”

you roll your eyes at her exaggeration, popping open the bottle of vodka that had been gifted to you, “fine, fine. if i have no choice,” and with that, you tilt the bottle back to meet your lips, your first sip of alcohol touching the back of your throat and causing you to gag repeatedly. you were no stranger to it; you had quite the party girl phase between the ages of 21 and 23.

with shaky hands, you bring the bottle back down to arms length, “happy now?”

“ecstatic,” she grins widely.

“hey, guys.”

you’re about to sputter out the alcohol you swallowed previously, but you manage to keep it together at the sound of austin butler’s voice echoing in your ear. despite the volume of the music, you still manage to hear him, which was the first time in a while you had actually noted the raspiness in his voice. he’s speaking to the group, not just you — definitely not you, poor boy has had his tongue tied around you for months — and everyone greets him excitedly. you clench your jaw at their reaction, rolling your eyes and taking another swig from your bottle. sure, tears are brimming your eyes from the burn of the vodka, but you rather that happen than have to watch everyone ogle over austin gracing them with his presence.

he doesn’t really acknowledge you, just raises an eyebrow in your direction, and you give a half-smile in return. all in all, you’re not ready to admit he looks surprisingly better than he normally does. he has on a white button-up shirt rolled up to his elbows, dress pants and all. his hair looks messy, but not in the way where you can assume he put no effort in his appearance, but that he clearly did try and tousle it a little. he still fits the description from earlier; too pretty to be real. like, who even wears that to a club? you feel whorish, slutty, raunchy, with your skin-tight red dress and black heels.

florence is now deep in conversation with easy steve, and you take the time to take another sip from your bottle. really, she must’ve been onto something, because leaving you alone with a bottle of vodka and your thoughts was lethal. you’re left to look around the table and see who else you could possibly strike up a conversation with. for some reason, timothee is fist-bumping, and your lips curl up in a smile at that. you decide that maybe you and your thoughts could have a good time on their own. you’re slowly swaying your hips in tune to the music, not concerning yourself with how much vodka you’re actually inhaling.

“having fun there?” one of the crew members smiles over at you, and you return the expression. he’s trying to be sweet, so why not entertain him?

“oh, yeah,” you nod, fingers gripping the neck of the bottle tightly as if it were your life jacket. “can you tell it’s my first time out in forever?”

“with the way you’re drinking?” he shakes his head, laughing, “you look like a veteran, honestly.”

out of the corner of your eye, you see austin reach out to pour himself a drink, while he’s also deep in conversation with another crew member; a girl. she giggles at something he says, and you’re about to bend his neck in half. the man must have some kind of vendetta against you, because really, he can’t stand to be around you or something? you turn your attention back to the man you were talking to, but you realize soon enough that you had been staring at austin for so long that he had found someone else to pay attention.

and, then it’s really just back to you, the bottle, and your thoughts.

you opt to take a few sips of cranberry juice from the carafe that is placed strategically on the table, knowing that’ll help ease the buzz the alcohol you’re sweeping through is giving you. you’re drinking at an alarmingly fast pace, and if everyone wasn’t so indulged in their conversations, they might have noticed you going through the bottle as if it were water. but, your feet remain in the same spot, swaying to the music calmly, not a worry in the world.

there’s shuffling around the table, people moving to talk to others they hadn’t gotten the chance to before, and you’re still humming with intoxication. you were way past tipsy, definitely drunk to the point where if florence had asked you to dance amongst the mosh pit of people, you would’ve said yes. you make small talk with a few, exchange jokes with zendaya, and you let yourself flirt with timothee. you know you’re not attracted to him, but you’re just so bored and drunk and alone and he did, in his drunken state, let his eyes roam over your body, so why not?

you abandon the bottle of vodka at some point, as it’s halfway done and serves nearly no purpose to you anymore. you’re at the perfect point of the night, where anything can happen and if someone were to dare you to do something idiotic, you would. it’s like this: every part of your body aches to do something absolutely stupid, and your brain is consistently egging you on, and your lips are flapping to make words that don’t even really make sense. you’re still coherent — they would’ve sent you home if you weren’t — and you rely on your senses to realize just who is standing next to you after the next round of shuffling around the table.

austin butler is awkwardly standing near you, words no use to him anymore as he just looks down at his feet. you’re already annoyed; no, not because of the alcohol, or because of the way his curls fall over his forehead, or the way he’s not speaking to you, but because of the fact that he’s not even trying to hide that he could care less to make conversation with you. or, well, that’s what you assume it is, because alcohol is invading your bloodstream.

you sit down on the couch behind you, leaning back to rest against the cushion. everyone seems to follow suit, their legs tired from moving around ever so slightly to engage in more talk. austin carefully sits down next to you, and you move your knees to point in the opposite direction, making sure to not let your skin come into contact with his.

“[y/n]!” florence squeals, and she’s stepping on austin’s toes as she squeezes herself on the other side of you. she’s so, so drunk, but she’s your closest friend on set and you love her dearly, so you find it endearing.

“hi, flo.”

okay, you’re so, so drunk too.

“i… love this place,” she gushes, taking a sip of her vodka cranberry that is clearly melted ice at that point. “like, i just love hungary. every time i go out in the u.k, i hate it. hate, hate, hate it.”

you giggle at her words, “what? i thought you loved going out there.”

she scrunches her nose as if your words were poisonous, “god, no. all those pricks out there aren’t half as fun as here.”

“you know, australia’s pretty fun too.”

the man of the hour finally speaks. you’re almost shocked to hear his voice so close to your ear, and you turn to look at the source. austin’s hair is considerably more messy than before, stains from his previous drinks littered across his shirt. his voice hugs you, and you feel a tingle in your core that you push aside because you’re so, so drunk and there is no way you’re letting his voice irritate you. if anything, you’re more shocked at the fact that he finally found a way to speak around you.

“really?” of course, florence is encouraging him on. “i haven’t been in ages, i’ve been meaning to go out there. you were in queensland, right?”

“yeah, we mostly went out ‘round there,” he now turns his body towards the two of you. “we did that for a good few months, before covid hit and everything.”

“oh, wow, where did you guys go out there? i might know a few,” florence says excitedly, giddy to have someone to converse with that wasn’t with your debby-downer attitude. you cross your arms over your chest like a toddler who hadn’t gotten their way, letting them tire themselves out with their chatter. they had stopped acknowledging you completely, just leaving you to listen in as if their talk was more important than anything in the world.

“i like sydney better,” you finally chime in — in a very snotty tone that throws florence off guard — and austin’s eyes widen a little, his head swiveling to face you.

“really?” he asks softly, almost coming out as a whisper against the rap music that blares from every corner. he’s lucky you can read lips. not that you were staring or anything.

“yeah,” you confirm, arms still glued to your chest. “just not really a fan of queensland.”

luckily, no one can tell that you’re literally lying through your teeth, because one: you have never been to australia in your entire life and two: if someone asks what clubs you’ve been to there, you were thoroughly fucked.

“no way! where in sydney have you been to?”

you were going to strangle florence pugh.

you smile, a shaky one that nearly falls off your lips, and your words are a little slurred as you speak, “oh, ya know, where didn’t i go? i can’t even remember the names, it was just so wild.”

that seems to be a good enough answer for the two of them — or, they’ve sussed out that you have no clue what you’re talking about — because they don’t push the issue any further. they move on to another topic, talking about filming and europe. you tune in and out of the conversation before reaching for your bottle once more. taking another swig, you hug it to your chest, replacing your arms.

“you know, [y/n], i’m soooo happy you came out tonight,” florence has finally reached the i love you speeches part of the night, but lucky enough for her, you’re more than capable of partaking in that.

“me too,” you grin goofily, tucking your hair behind your ear. “i love alcohol. and you. and budapest.”

“you weren’t gonna come out tonight?” he speaks directly towards you, and it takes you aback more than you’d like to admit, because for once, he’s not asking how you are or how’s the weather.

“yeah, wasn’t feeling it, honestly,” you shrug, still avoiding eye contact and playing with your hands that gripped the bottle.

“what changed your mind?” you can tell he’s drunk. god knows, he’s drunk because there is no way he’s actually speaking to you. he can’t even believe it himself, since he couldn’t muster the courage to say more than four words to you at a time.

“i don’t know,” you admit, “i really haven’t gone out in a while. felt like maybe it was overdue.”

“yeah, i felt the same,” he says, running a hand through his hair. you can’t help but notice how it descends perfectly onto his temple, and you finally look up to meet his eyes. they are ice-blue, something you had noticed before, but when you peer into them, you notice how they stare into your own, causing you to squirm in your seat. “haven’t been out in a while after my last movie. i don’t know if you saw it or anything.”

maybe it’s the alcohol creeping up on you, or the way his eyes are still gazing into yours, but you feel the need to keep the conversation going, uttering, “i saw elvis. you look—did good. did good.”

you were praying for a sink hole to open up in the middle of the dance floor to swallow you up whole.

thankfully, he spares you the embarrassment and doesn’t note that you almost confessed your attraction to him. no, no, not attraction. what the hell were you feeling? it was bizarre, he had spoken more than four words to you and you found yourself like putty in his hands. you were starting to see why everyone was laughing at his jokes on set; they probably weren’t even funny, his eyes were just piercing into them. “thanks. i saw your last film too.”

somehow, he keeps managing to shock you with everything he says. you chalk it up to liquid courage, because now this man is speaking to you as if he’s talked to you his whole life, with confidence and ease. “that piece of crap? god, i hated it.” it was entirely true; it was a netflix original that had you playing a high schooler at the grown age of 25.

he chuckles at your words, and you sit up straighter at the sound. for a moment, your heart almost betrays you, beating faster than its normal resting rate. “i get it. i was a nickelodeon star for a little. worst. years. of. my. life.”

your eyes widen a little as you come to a realization, your knees fully swiveling towards his body, “oh my god! yes! you were in zoey 101, weren’t you?”

“i was,” he smiles at you for the first time, and you’re overcome with a whirlwind of emotions; desire, attraction, possibly anger at the fact he waited that long to talk to you. and, so, you keep talking, because he’s good company and he likes hearing what you have to say. florence has fully disengaged from your conversation, entertaining herself with easy steve once more. you and austin talk about clubbing, what you enjoy to do in your free time, how you managed to get a college degree before becoming an actress, and he’s thoroughly hanging onto every word you say. liquor is still flowing, and you two even take a shot together before continuing to talk about nothingness.

you’re so enthralled in your conversation that you don’t notice when he rests his arm right above you on the edge of the couch, not touching your skin but enough to mark his territory. you’re not cognizant of his body fully facing you, knees touching yours as he watched your lips move with every word you spoke. “but, yeah, that’s why i moved to new york city. i feel like i made the right choice, ‘ya know?”

“oh, i get it,” he nods, “i’m trying to move from california. i think i like the city, did the broadway thing for a while and fell in love with it.”

“really?” your eyes are sparkling, and he takes a mental picture just for himself to envision later. “i love broadway. i used to see shows all the time.”

“what’s your favorite show?” he asks, genuinely interested in what you have to say, and it makes you feel seen, for once. men tended to look over you, and that might have been due to the people you were choosing, but you chalked it up to just them being disinterested.

“that’s a tough one,” you tap your nails against the 75% empty vodka bottle, “i would have to say wicked.”

“good choice,” his lips curl upwards into a smile once more.

“oh, i know my choice is impeccable,” you say sarcastically, and he throws his head back in laughter. you like the sound of it, to the point where you’re about to whip your phone out secretly and record it to listen to as a lullaby.

the nagging feeling of having to urinate is still pressing against your bladder, but your body refuses to get up. you’re captivated by the conversation you’ve partaken in, and the idea that if you move away from him might change anything is enough to keep you glued to your seat. but, you’re almost tempted to see if he would keep it going, to see if he would reciprocate the tension you’re feeling. florence’s words from earlier ring in your ear like a siren, and you have to clench your thighs to stop yourself from getting carried away. no, he definitely is just being nice. he’s drunk and wants someone to talk to, and frankly, so do you.

so, you decide to stand up, placing the vodka bottle down on the table and smoothing out your red dress. “hold on, i’ll be back. i just have to pee.” he answers with a slight nod. he misses the feeling of your knees pressed against his, and notices as soon as the contact is gone.

as you try and find your way to the bathroom, you let your delusions get the best of you, and you begin to hope, pray, that he follows you in there.

you actually really do have to pee, and you do sit down on the toilet, but some sickly part of you wants him to walk in there and tempt you. you don’t even know what you’re thinking — this man has continuously ignored you for months. but, florence’s words just haunt you as you think that maybe you do need to get laid, and austin isn’t the worst option out there. he’s tall, he smells good, he’s got a gorgeous laugh and stunning eyes. jesus christ, get a grip.

you’re about halfway out the bathroom door, drunkenly stumbling over your heels, before you fall right into someone’s arms.

upon contact, you know exactly who you landed into.

but, to confirm, you look up through hooded eyelids to make eye contact with austin, his arms still holding your biceps. “shit, my bad,” he says softly, swallowing the rest of the saliva that pooled in his mouth.

“yeah, no worries, i was just, um, going back out there.”

“yeah, no, of course.”

he says that but still makes no attempt to let you go.

“is it still fun out there?”

“it’s alright. florence went home.”

“oh.”

quit the small talk, you’re hoping he’s telepathic and hearing every word you’re yelling at him in your brain.

he finally releases you, and you fall back a little. he scratches the back of his neck nervously before asking feebly, “can i ask you a question?”

you’re hoping your eyes don’t look as if they’re about to fall out of their sockets. “what’s up?”

“uh — well, i, um,” all his confidence from earlier dwindles into thin air, “uh, was just wondering if —“

you raise an eyebrow, “yes?”

“i, uh, heard you earlier talking to florence.”

“and?”

“…ya know, about needing to hook up with somebody.”

where was that sinkhole to swallow you up?

“how’d you even hear us?” you manage to muster out in horror. it was more disbelief, but he must’ve moved with so much stealth that you didn’t even notice him, the way he hadn’t noticed you.

“i-i was just walking by, and then, heard my name and all —“

“oh, yeah, ‘cause that’s not creepy,” you say sarcastically.

“right,” he avoids your eyes now, focusing on some stain on his shoes. in all honesty, you’re not sure what he’s even getting at, because now that he was back to being unable to formulate words around you, you weren’t even sure you were attracted to him any longer. but, you were intoxicated, so that thought lasted about two seconds. “listen, i’m just gonna be honest.”

“okay.”

“would you… want to hook up?”

you’re stunned. you had never been so stupefied in your entire life, and you feel as though someone just yanked you off the spinning planet, leaving you to float in space. your jaw fell slack at his suggestion, silence overtaking the two of you despite the music that still blasted through the speakers. “what?” you have to ask, because there’s no way he’s being serious.

“we don’t have to — i mean, you don’t have to do anything. plus, i think i kinda have whiskey dick, but i could eat you out or something —“

he is being serious.

“you… want to go down on me?” you’re almost intrigued, because no man had ever offered to do something without getting some form of stimulation in return. you’re thinking back to all the horrible things you said about him, and discarding every last one.

he nods.

“you don’t even… you barely talked to me.”

“yeah, i-i’m sorry ‘bout all that, i just get nervous,” he draws his lips in between his teeth, and you think you might collapse then and there and someone’ll have to scrape your body off the floor. “kinda had a little crush on you.”

“are you serious?” you ask incredulously. “we exchanged four words.”

“yeah, i-i know, listen, i feel bad about all that, i just literally —“

you’re not even about to let him keep going on with his ramblings, and you find yourself dragging him by his shirt collar into the bathroom, locking the door behind you. you lean against the wood, cooling your body that seemed to warm up from his words. he faces you, lips parted and cheeks blushed. “okay, this is crazy.”

“i know —“

you held up a finger, pausing him mid-word before he could utter anything else that barely resembled a full sentence. he was so lucky there was even an ounce of alcohol flowing in your system, because all those feelings of desire and longing are lingering in your brain, demanding that you listen to them. “this is crazy. and, the fact that i’m even slightly considering it is concerning me more.”

his mouth parts as he’s about to respond before you shake your finger, indicating that there’s more left to your sentence. “if, if we do this, you cannot tell anyone.”

he nods again, this time like a lost puppy.

“i’m not kidding, austin. no one can know about this,” you repeat, hoping the words drill into his brain.

“no one will know.”

“i’m only doing this because it’s been a while, okay, like a good few months.”

“okay.”

he’s looking at you eagerly, as if he were ready to devour you and you’re suddenly overcome with every bit of desire for him, wetness pooling between your thighs and soaking your underwear. your heart thumps loudly in your ear as you mull over his offer. weirdly enough, he is your best option at that point in the night. it was either austin butler, the man who apparently has pined for your affection the entire time, or some sweaty stranger plucked from the dance floor. you repeat the same word he had, because what else is there to say when austin butler is begging you to let him eat you out? “okay.”

he blinks twice, an expression full of shock and a tad of confusion plastered on his face as he realizes you’re consenting to it, to him. he moves towards you, and your eyes are locked into his. you’re not even sure if you’re breathing properly as he reaches out to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear, his thumb tracing over your jaw.

you take the moment to really, finally, look at him. his nose juts out at the perfect angle, blue eyes calming you as if they were waves melting into rocks, his plump, pink lips parted slightly as he exhaled. he was angelic, and you nearly shot yourself from the thought of ever looking past him. he’s doing the same with you; taking note of every single freckle, every mark that adorned your face. he was irrevocably entranced by you. he leans in towards you, hand cupping your chin, “‘m gonna kiss you now.”

you’re still nodding as he pulls your chin towards his to meet his warm lips that taste like alcohol, and you’re immediately paralyzed by the way your lips collide with his, meshing perfectly as if they were always meant to. he’s kissing you fiercely to make you want more, but not to be sloppy. your wrap your arms around his neck, pulling his body closer into you, back firmly pressed against the door. surprisingly enough, despite the drunken state you’re both trapped in, you move in sync and the arousal in your panties only escalates, burning your entire body.

you pull away for a moment of air, inhaling and exhaling at a sharp rate, and he doesn’t miss a beat, only going down to your neck to press light kisses, then suck. he continues the pattern, and you find yourself running your fingers through his curls, soft moans slipping from between your lips. you’re too blind to even realize what’s actually going on, that you’re really in a bathroom at a club in budapest, hungary, making out with your co-star. you hope your alarm clock doesn’t suddenly go off.

his tongue swirls around a sweet spot on your neck, and you bite your lip to contain the moan that’s begging to be let out.

and before you’re really going to protest or say anything remotely coherent, he sinks to his knees, the cold tiles grounding him as his hand roams up your thighs. you’re just watching, in complete and utter disbelief, as he slowly bunches up your dress to around your belly button, revealing your pair of panties that were absolutely dripping. you should be embarrassed — in fact, you definitely are — but he only looks up at you submissively, eyes interlocking selfishly. “can i?”

you nod, lip still stuck in between your teeth. you watch as he slips your underwear right down your legs, pressing a light kiss to your thighs. he looks back up at you one last time, for that one last confirmation he needed, and you give it to him, your hand entangling in his hair as you push his head to where you need him the most.

his hands make their way around your hips, pressing into the bone as he steadies your body against the door. just when you think you’re about to beg for him, that you might have to embarrass yourself further, he presses his tongue, flat, against your folds, and you whimper at the contact. he licks carefully, deliberately, as if he knows just what to do to make you unfold, as if he’s done this his whole life.

his lips slip around your clit, sucking the bundle of nerves and causing you to throw your head back and slam it on the wood behind you. he’s encouraged by your response, working faster as his tongue flicked against your clit repeatedly, the stimulation almost too much to bear. “o-oh,” you moan out, tugging at his hair and moving your hips against his face, nearly riding his lips at that point.

it had been a long time since you had someone go down on you, but never like this. your eyes are squeezed tight, strings of profanities amongst his name coming out your lips like the only words you ever knew. your juices ran down his chin messily, and he moves one of his hands from your hips down to your folds, parting them to get better access to your core. “fuck, austin,” is all you can say. he’s just watching, admiring you from down there as he works feverishly against your pussy, lapping up your juices.

your eyes meet for just a flash, and you suddenly feel shy, as if he wasn’t really eating you out on the floor of a bathroom, as if you hadn’t known for him for a good six months. his lips are coated in your juices, fingers soaked as well, blue eyes now darkened as he sloppily devours you. he wants you to cum, right onto his face, to feel you come undone because of him. he hooks two fingers into you, reaching a spot you had only ever done yourself, and you jolt forward. your body is trembling as he just fucks you with his finger, nose pressed against your lower body as he buries his lips, tongue darting at your clit.

just when you think you’re already down for the count, that he already was going to make you cum harder than any other man ever could, he reaches out to hoist one of your legs on his shoulder, and you instinctively push him further into you, as if it were even possible. his tongue is circling your clit, and you can feel it, the sensation you’d been dreading bubbling in your abdomen, because indisputably, you do not want this to end. you’re a moaning, screaming, shaking mess and austin is pinning you down against the door, fighting to get you to your release.

his fingers work desperately in and out of you, and he moans against you at the feeling of your walls tightening around his fingers. you can’t even fight the feeling, or try and delay it, because it’s overwhelming you to the point where you’re screaming his name and begging for more, to take you to the edge. “austin, oh my god, please, i’m so fucking close —“

“come on, baby. i want you to cum on my face,” he speaks against your core, hot breath waning over your aching entrance as he rapidly continues to stretch you out with his digits, and you’re done fighting; you want nothing more than to release all over his stupid pink lips, and his stupid perfect face that you can’t believe is at your mercy right now.

this could possibly be the most toe-curling, back-arching, mouth-foaming, eyes-rolling orgasm of your life, and it washes over with so much power you’re shocked you’re even still standing. his fingers are still inside you as your walls spasm and contact around them, hands reaching out to grip onto his shoulder in desperation. you let out a choked sob, as white washes over your vision, your body completely shattering into little pieces. he pulls his fingers out of you, hypnotized by the way your cheeks flush, eyelashes fluttering as you struggle to recover.

and, you’re still quite not sure you’re alive moments later, balancing yourself against the door as you try to contain your breathing. you look down at him, and you observe as he utilizes his fingers to wipe the remaining juices off his chin and lips, licking every last drop clean.

you’re rendered speechless, useless to him as you can’t even formulate a word, just one measly word to say to him. he gets up, pressing a kiss to your forehead as you’re still standing there, panties still draped around your ankles. “you good now?” he asks, almost coolly, as if his tongue wasn’t buried inside of you mere minutes before.

“i-i — yeah, i, uh, guess so. thanks, i guess,” you swallow, eventually gathering your last ounce of strength to pull your panties back up, pulling down your dress to your thighs. “you go out first, i’ll catch up. don’t want anyone to suspect anything.”

he just nods, looking like he’s about to say something but instead swallowing thickly before walking back out into the club. you hear the sound of the music for just a second when he opens that door, before you’re engulfed by the silence as soon as it swings closed. you look over at yourself in the mirror, makeup partially ruined and hair matted from the sweat. you’re not even sure you can walk properly, scared to even try. you feel like a baby bird who’s trying to leave the nest for the first time.

with one last exhale of oxygen, and the little resilience you still have left in your body, you swing open the bathroom door, flattening out your dress again and meeting the bustling crowd of people that happened to remain at this hour.

you’re hoping it’s not obvious that you just had the best orgasm of your life in that bathroom.

fuck, fuck, fuck.

yeah, you’re going to need to see that therapist.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

masterlist + request

#i need mental help #austin butler #austin butler angst #austin butler fluff #austin butler smut #austin butler x reader #austin butler imagine #austin butler elvis #austin butler gif #austin butler fanfic #elvis 2022

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for bad-mouthing my boyfriend’s toxic family?

(🐈‍⬛ For me to recognize my post later)

I (20f) have a boyfriend (21m) who is physically disabled and still currently living at home with his parents for a while as he tries to scrape his savings together to move in with me. This wouldn’t be an issue, if his parents weren’t immensely transphobic (he’s trans) and outright abusive towards him. Despite having an official doctor’s diagnosis for ALL of his issues, both mental and physical, they just?? Like to pretend that he’s completely able-bodied, and that he’s making up his issues “for attention” (<- something that they’ve actually said to him)

My bf isn’t ready to leave the house just yet because he doesn’t want to feel like a burden and wants to be able to support himself without my help, despite my constant offering and support, but this ofc just means that he’s STAYING in that house, and it’s clear that it effects him really negatively. He’s improved a lot since I’ve met him in high school, but him being in that house is just. Awful for his health, his self esteem, literally everything. I guess I understand his reasonings for not leaving (he’s on his parents’ health insurance, his dad’s a vet so he gets a ton of money off his college bill, he’s got a little sister at home that he doesn’t want to leave alone, etc etc), but at the same time, I fucking HATE his parents, more than I’ve ever hated anyone in my life. He’s such an amazing guy, but I’ve seen him reduced to panic attacks just on their words alone, and it’s awful and I hate them.

I’m also very vocal with this hate. I tell him all the time. Whenever he vents to me, or mentions something awful that his parents have/had done in passing, or tries to excuse their behavior, I will tell him point-blank that I hate his parents and that he needs to leave. He gets incredibly upset whenever I say stuff like that, however, and has asked me multiple times to quit it, but it’s just so hard to see him loving them so fiercely when they literally only give him the bare minimum in return.

The reason for this post at all is because I started going off on a tangent about two days ago when he managed to escape (he has to ask for permission every time he wants to go out) to my place to destress and have a small date night, and I specifically asked him how his parents had been treating him recently because he’d been pretty quiet about it. He got really quiet and eventually told me that they keep adding really weird stuff to do for his household responsibilities (ex: dusting the UNDERSIDE of tables??) and that they’re now threatening to take away the things he loves (his phone, his books, his DOOR) if he doesn’t keep up with the new workload, which is especially hard because, again, he’s DISABLED. Well this pissed me off, because they’ve done shit like that in the past and it never ends well for him, and I started talking about how much his parents suck and how I wish he would just leave, and he got really quiet and just said “I think I’m just gonna leave now” and just. Left

In the aftermath, I feel awful about it. We’ve texted a few times since then, and he says that he’s okay and that it was fine, and how he just needs to get over it, but it’s very clear that he’s still upset by it and just trying not to make it a big issue. I know that he hates it when I badmouth his parents, but I genuinely do not know any other way to get it into his head that he needs to leave as soon as possible, if only to save his own health. I love him so so much, we’ve been together since high school, we would die for each other, and we’ve been through so much that not very many couples have had to go through, especially not at our age. I sincerely just want the best for him, and this feels like I could open the topic again and try to make him SEE, but I’m just worried that I might have upset him this time in a way that he might not be able to get over.

Sorry for this getting so long, I just feel very strongly about it and I want to know if I’m the AH here and should lay off, or keep trying to make him see that he just needs to get out as soon as possible. So tumblr, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[thegreencanary]

Karen Wheeler Hate Club

Based on this request!

Paring: Billy Hargrove and Female Reader (established relationship)

TW: Cursing, Smoking, ADULTS BEING FUCKING GROSS. Minors this is a DNI cuz the adults are nasty. So go find Joyce and Hopper and get a story from them. A good safe bedtime story that doesn’t involve bored suburban moms who need to be in jail.

A/N: This is my work and I give no one the permission to post it on other sites or claim it as their own or do both of those things. Also Karen is gross for hitting on Billy and I will not take any questions at this time.

Also please take the Trigger Warnings seriously!Mental health first babes.

It’s a short one, just a little one shot!

Fuming wasn't a word that would describe you often, but today it fit perfectly. The sun was out but the fact that Karen Wheeler was trying to pick up your boyfriend was making you burn. Billy didn't mind, and at first he really liked it but once the two of you started dating he had backed off the flirting. Sure he was older and hotter than the high school boys at Hawkins, but Nancy was literally his age and she even got on her mom about it. You huffed as Karen tossed her head back laughing at something Billy said. He was just being nice, which means he was being a huge flirt. That boy had two settings, mad as hell and flirty as fuck. .The past few months you'd seen a different side to him with the Upside Down showing you different things about all your friends, you eventually developed feelings for Billy. No matter how sweet he was to you, he knew how much you hated Karen Wheeler. Grabbing your bag you almost jumped out of your lawn chair when you saw Steve enter the pool. He could take over watching the kids, you weren't going to stick around and watch someones MOM hit on your freaking boyfriend.

"Hey Y/N! Wh--"

"El is in the bathroom, everyone else is in the deep end. Have fun. Bye."

You cut Steve off and he looked so confused. His eyes followed yours and the sight of Karen looking up at Billy while he was on the lifeguard chair was all he needed to understand.

"See you later."

"Yeah."

There was some commotion behind you as you stormed out, only to feel a strong hand on your arm; stopping you.

"Where are you going babe?"

"Home...or maybe to Nancy's house to tell her dad that his wife is a pervert."

Billy sighed, he thought your jealousy was funny and a little cute but now it was clear that you didn't find it either of those things. He lit a cigarette and tried to talk to you.

"I get it, I can't exactly tell her to fuck off at work thought."

"It's fine Billy. I get it. Hot mom and everyone wants her. Well you can fucking have her then."

You ripped your arm away from Billy and stormed off. You heard him cussing behind you and saying you were over reacting but you didn't care. Later that night you got a phone call from Billy. He wasn't one for apologizing but he talked to you a bit about everything and you explained your side as well. The two of you made up under the rule that he wouldn't entertain Mrs. Wheeler at all. That was what was supposed to happen, yet Karen didn't seem to get the message that he wasn't interested. Every damn day she was at the pool waiting for Billy, wearing new swim suits and makeup...who fucking wears makeup to go swimming? You reached your limit when you went on your lunch break from work to eat with Billy and there she was, standing too close to Billy and trying to put her nasty hands all over her. The rage you felt carried your feet to Billy and you stepped in front of Karen, placing a big kiss on Billy's lips. He smirked and wrapped his hands around your waist, pulling you in tighter.

A moment or two passed and you separated, looking at Karen with spite in your eyes.

"I'm sorry, was I interrupting?"

"Not at all baby, Mrs. Wheeler was just asking about swim lessons."

That fucking bitch.

"Huh. Mike and Nancy swim great, just like their mom!"

A deviously innocent smile crawled across your face as you saw Karen step back in defeat.

"Yeah...its for a friend. She never really learned..."

"I'm sure she would fit right in to the group classes. After all, it's a little weird for someone your age to be spending alone time with teenagers, isn't it?"

Billy squeezed your side playfully. The smile on this face was of pure awe. You were a force to be reckoned with and he fucking loved it.

"I...I suppose so. Thank you for the information Billy. I'll see you around."

"I'm always at work."

He responded nicely but it was clear there was NOTHING more to feed the delusional Karen Wheeler. Once she was out of sight, Billy picked up where you two left off from the kiss and a blush reached your toes.

"Billy! People can see..."

"That didn't stop you before baby. You're so fucking hot when you're mad."

"Well don't make me mad like that again or you'll be the one I'm bitching at."

"You're cute when you think you can scare me."

He smirked and grabbed your ass. This lunch was going to be very quick.

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #billy stranger things #billy x reader #stranger things #billy could have been saved #billy x you #billy deserved better #billy hargrove x female reader #billy hargrove x you #karen wheeler hate club #Karen wheeler is gross #HES A LITERAL STUDENT #YOUR DAUGHTER IS THE SAME AGE #GROSS KAREN #GROSS

[lanawinters-ily]

You're My Baby, Say It To Me

Your mental health has taken a dip again. But it is okay. Mama Ally is here to pick up all the (literal) pieces.

Pairing: Ally Mayfair x Teen!Reader (Gender neutral)

Word Count: 1300

Warnings: mental health themes, collapsing, themes of s*lf-harm

Yes, if you can believe it, I did write this fic as less bad than the true story ouch.

It was getting bad again.

Though, this time, you weren’t entirely sure if you had ever gotten better in the first place.

The feeling deep in your chest was heavy, and with every step you took, it became harder to not sink right into the floor.

Through the tile, through the foundations, through the dirt.

To bury yourself in this depression that had built up around you.

It was different this time.

You felt as if you had talked too much, shared too much. Everyone was so so worried, but even their concern didn’t seem enough.

No one could touch you when you had already blocked them off before they even tried.

University had failed. It was supposed to be a new start, but somehow you had fucked it up even more than at home.

Now that was impressive.

At least you had your mama.

It was just you and her, and she had struggled when you were gone.

The house seemed so much emptier, and she was looking forward to having you home for the holidays.

But not this early.

Unfortunately, we are beginning at the day after Ally had to collect you from university, after a friend has called her expressing serious concerns over your mental health. She had rushed straight over and bought you home without hesitation.

But you were yet to open up to her.

Ally wanted to give you space, though her maternal instincts were screaming to pull you close and hold you until every problem faded away.

She wanted you to trust her, to come to her in your time.

Perhaps that was a bad idea.

—

It had been another rough evening, though your emotions seemed slightly off. You couldn’t place the difference, but it made you uneasy.

Today had been good. Your mood had lifted a little, and you had even managed some low-effort chores. This kind of day was unfamiliar for you, and often didn’t have the desired effect.

After one day of slight positivity, your depression tended to come back with full force. Like, slap-in-the-face kind of force.

You had convinced yourself that this mood was different, and would last.

Well, sorry to spoil, but it did not.

As you were getting ready for bed, nausea started rising in your throat. The familiar feeling of anxiety shot through your body, not creeping up like usual, but pulsating into every limb in an instance.

This was not going to end well.

“Sweetheart, would you make me a cup of tea?” Ally’s voice called up the stairs.

Shit. You had to pull yourself together quickly, take drastic action to save face in front of your mother.

Swallowing down bile, you took a couple measured breaths and walked down the stairs.

All you had to do was boil the kettle, pour it into mugs and say goodnight to your mama.

Easy, right?

Wrong.

With shaky legs you stepped into the kitchen, filled up the kettle and put it on. Took out two mugs, two teabags, and a teaspoon.

It was then when things began to get hazy.

Your ears were ringing, and the kettle looked like it was floating. Spots took over and a strange grey haze coloured your usually bright kitchen

Something crashed to the ground, and it took you a couple of seconds to realise you had dropped a mug.

The last thing you heard was a distant scream of “Sweetheart?!” before everything faded to black.

—

“Sweetheart? Baby?”

You could hear a faint muttering. Never in your life had you felt so disorientated. Hard floor under your back, a throbbing in your head, and a sharp pain on your arm.

And who was talking?

Squeezing your eyes, you tried with all your energy to force the lids open.

“Baby? Can you hear me?”

A groan that you didn’t even recognise as your own slipped from your mouth. Eyes wandering the surroundings you realised you were on the kitchen floor, with your mother hovering over you.

She’d never looked so terrified in her life. Ally Mayfair did not do scared.

But it was different with you. Her baby.

You couldn’t speak, so just looked at her and made a noise in recognition that you could hear.

“Oh my baby.” Ally let out a huge sigh of relief at this sign.

“Stay down here for a little bit love. I don’t want you collapsing on me again, okay?”

You just blinked, pretty sure that you couldn’t even imagine sitting, let alone standing right now.

Your body felt as if you’d somehow doubled in weight, heavy heavy heavy into the ground. As if you’d break through the grey tiles and fall forever and ever.

“Sweetie.” Ally said in a somber tone, making you look back up at her.

“You were bleeding pretty badly from your wrist. I thought it was from the mug, but when I looked, I could tell it was something different.”

Sure enough, you looked to see your wrist securely bandaged.

Huh.

That must have happened during the panic attack. How weird. You’d never done that without even thinking before.

Maybe that’s why it was worse than normal.

“When did this start again honey?”

Your mother peered down at you with sad brown eyes, tears peeking out from behind eyelids.

Energy was needed for this conversation, and energy was certainly not what you had in that moment.

So, you just made another noise and shrugged, hoping that Ally would sense that you wanted to move away from the subject.

“Alright love.” She squeezed your hand and sighed, looking briefly at her phone.

“You were out for about five minutes, which is not ideal darling. I called an ambulance while you were unconscious. They weren’t too concerned, but a crisis team is going to call us soon. Is that okay baby?”

Tears filled your eyes as your lip wobbled. You had really fucked up this time.

“My baby,” Ally mumbled and gently guided you up into her embrace.

She rocked you back and forth while you sniffled, not even having the energy to form sobs. You sat like that for a couple of minutes until you had quietened down.

“Let’s get you up and comfy sweetheart.” Your mama said.

As desperate as you were to move off the cold, hard floor, your body was still in shock-mode. As Ally carefully pulled you by your hands upwards, your knees buckled, sending you back towards the ground.

“Oh!” Ally gasped, grabbing you as you fell. You both ended up on the floor again.

“Let’s try that again. I can hold your weight darling, you can always lean on me.” Your mother said softly.

You knew this was a double meaning, and made a little smile in recognition. Working together, you and Ally managed to make it into the living room and she laid you on the sofa.

She sat beside you and soft hands stroked your pale face.

“We’ve got this baby. Me and you, against the world. All the bad, that’s staying outside this room. In here, it is us. I’ve got you, sweetheart. Please lean on me.”

And for the first time in a while, you felt a stir of hope in your chest.

“Thank you mama. I love you.”

“I love you baby. You’re my everything.”

Taglist: @sweetestberryofthebunch @dreamypqulson @ahsfan05

(I just tagged people who I knew wanted to read this bc my other taglist is so out of date haha)

#ally mayfair richards x reader #ally mayfair richards #sarah paulson x reader #sarah paulson #ahs fandom #ahs fanfic #ahs #american horror story #ahs cult

[latenightsimping]

THE EDGE

“...There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who’ve gone over.” - Hunter S. Thompson, Hell’s Angels

Summary: A part of the deal to freedom included a stay at Pennhurst. It’ll take everything to keep the hope that one day the locked doors will open, the windows will no longer have bars that block the view, and that one day, the name Eddie Munson will be synonymous with the word ‘innocent’. The hope, he never realised, would also come to be synonymous with your name.

Chapter: 1 / 2 /  3 / 4

Pairing: Eddie Munson x reader

Word count: 3.4k

Warnings: angst, heavy themes of inpatient treatment/hospitalisation, heavy themes of mental health, institutional deprivation of liberties, body injuries, mentions of suicidal ideation, themes of institutional abuse, can be a dark read (continue with that in mind, look after yourselves), canon divergence, Eddie survives the demobat attack, post-S4 timeline, slow burn romance, eventual smut, 18+, eventual fluff, there will be a happy ending

AN: First of all, thank you so much to those who left lovely comments and reblogged. I’m blown away by the support over a little idea I had, based on my own difficulties with the inpatient system. This is a series I’m really looking forward to, and still planning as I go? This second part is the last like, ‘scripted’ part, so I’m gonna have to actually light a fire under my arse and open up a dreaded planning doc lmao. Hope you enjoy this part!! also massive shoutout to @mantorokk-writes​ for putting up with my rambles and making me an amazing header image, you’re my beloved 💕

Taglist: @edsforehead, @idkidknemore, @harrys-tittie, @gaysludge, @smileygoth​

Nothing ever changed in this place. Waking up to stare at the same four walls until your door was opened. Same four walls that you showered and brushed your teeth in. Same four walls that you spent the majority of the day in, following a bullshit routine that was supposed to promote ‘positive mental changes’ and ‘the tools for a successful future’. 

You were smart enough to know that it was all a load of bullshit. For the first six months of your committal, you believed in it. Practically bent over backwards to show the doctors that you were making progress, holding onto the slim chance that you might finally get the news of being released after the bi-annual panels that were akin to placing your heart on the scale. Balanced against the feather of your guilt, of the timeline of events that still haunted you every waking moment. It took you a year to realise the odds were stacked against you. Two years in, and you’d given up hope of ever walking back out the front doors. Two years of the same day, over and over, no end in sight. 

Even the earthquake that had rocked the town of Hawkins didn’t really change things. It had meant lockdown for a couple of days until damage could be assessed, and it had spurned a lot of orderlies, nurses and doctors bouncing for a better life in another city. Leaving only the ones that were most likely too stubborn to leave, now more bitter and jaded for having to keep the job that made their lives that little bit more miserable. With less staff, it had meant a closer eye on behaviour, lest the patients got any bright ideas and decided an uprising was sorely needed. Any infraction could get you put in the hole, no matter how small and stupid it seemed. You’d seen one of the old timers be taken away for a couple of days when they decided to steal a pen from the nurses station. You knew it was because they wanted to write down their thoughts before they forgot. But you also knew that the staff got jumpy when a patient had something capable of being made into an improvised weapon. 

The day had started just like any other. Your name being called out as the door to your room was unlocked, tone already weary of the shift ahead and none too gentle. An escort to the bathrooms to get washed up and ready for the day, government issued toothpaste bitter on your tongue and the smell of cheap soap lingering on your skin. Yet another escort to the day room, the doors slammed shut after the last patient passed the threshold. You were still barely awake when the tinny audio system kicked to life, the shrill voice of nurse Koehn calling everyone to line up in front of the glass window of the nurses’ station for medication. How you hated those paper cups with medication inside that you didn’t even know the names of and didn’t get a reply when you asked about, the shitty juice used to wash them down barely tolerable. It had become a Pavlovian response; each sip meant that little bit less freedom, a sluggish haze descending over you that made everything numb and fuzzy at the edges. But at least there were small victories, coming in the form of a pack of Marlboros as a reward for taking the fucking things without a fight. You tapped the pack against your palm as you made your way over to the table you usually sat at, taking one out and dangling the filter between your lips as you nodded your head towards an orderly for the use of a lighter. Because God forbid you were allowed to hold one for more than two seconds, lest you burn down the building. A thought that had admittedly crossed your mind once or twice. 

By mid afternoon, you were six cigarettes down and in the middle of a game of solitaire when the door to the day room opened, and you turned your head on instinct to see what was happening. Miller’s hand on the door as she corralled a man you hadn’t seen before into the room, closing the door behind him and leaving him to fend for himself. He looked scared shitless; eyes frantically darting around the room, his hands curled into fists so tightly that it made his knuckles turn alabaster. Wild and frizzy curls that tumbled past his shoulders, failing to hide the red and angry scars that marred his neck and face. A little lost lamb in the den of poorly concealed wolves, the sight pulling at your heartstrings that you swore had been crystallised a long time ago. You never really believed in ghosts, but it was as if you were looking at a spectre. A shell of a man, barely holding on by a thread. He was a reflection of you, when you’d first got here.

Gathering up the playing cards, you puffed out an air of nicotine as you shook your head. “Are you just going to stand there? You’re making the place look untidy,” you muttered, already dealing out two piles of cards before he realised you were talking to him. 

You glanced back over to him, his muscles tensed and a deer in the headlights expression staring back at you. It took a few heartbeats for him to catch on, and one glance back before his umber eyes settled on you again. “You talkin’ to me?” 

His words were softly spoken, a hoarseness to them that you’d heard from other patients who seldom uttered a word. A slight tremor to his cadence, that you easily picked up on. You nodded as you gestured your head to the wooden chair opposite you, leaning back in your seat as you studied your cards. “Staff get a bit jumpy if you stand by the doors too long. Suggest you find yourself somewhere to be that’s away from them.” 

The conversation seemed to hang in the balance; no doubt he was weighing up the pros and cons of talking to someone deemed a lunatic. You couldn’t blame him. A couple of residents here were like that. Would smile and make pleasant conversation, fooling you into thinking they were perfectly reasonable human beings. And perhaps they were. But you also knew their reason for being here, and one or two made you feel sick to your core. You heard the shuffling of rubber soles get closer, until he finally took a seat at the table. You kept your face neutral as you took another drag of your cigarette, settling the stick between pointer and middle finger. “You know how to play gin rummy?” 

You lifted your eyes as he picked up the cards, a look of confusion evident as his other hand scratched the back of his neck. “Haven’t played for a long time,” he admitted, the volume of his tone still not rising above the level of when he first spoke.

You shrugged as he made the first move, noticing the way his eyes darted towards the carton of cigarettes in the middle of the table. You set your hand down for a moment, picking up the pack and pulling one out. “Doesn’t matter about winning, what matters is looking like you’re occupied,” you explained, using the cherry of the lit cigarette to ignite the other. Dropping the fresh one into the ashtray, you pushed it slightly towards him in offering as you picked the cards back up. “Idle hands are the Devil’s tools and all that shit.” 

His body language seemed to change at your actions, eyes narrowed as they flickered from the ashtray to yours. It was a look of incredulity, if you were reading it right. You couldn’t blame him; if the roles were reversed, you’d think twice about accepting, just like he was. “And you’re telling me this because…?”

You held up your hands in mock surrender, offering a slight smile that didn’t show teeth. “Because you seem to have your shit together for the most part, and I’m sick of trying to have conversations with lunatics.” Technically the truth. He didn’t have to know about your burning curiosity just yet, but the thought of having someone around your age who still had his faculties to talk to was an offer that you couldn’t refuse.

You were greeted with a slight eyebrow raise as he scratched at his scarred cheek, something that you could now assume was a tell that he was nervous. The fear still evident, yet a spark of something only just alight in his eyes. “Aren’t we both technically lunatics?” There it was. A ghost of a smile, a blink and you’d miss it moment. 

“Depends on who you listen to,” you offered with a slight grimace. “Some of us locked in here are innocent.” 

“Are you one of them?” 

Your stomach twisted at the ever so slight tone of disbelief you were sure you picked up on. How many times had you sworn on everything you ever loved that you never did what they accused you of, screamed your innocence at the top of your lungs to never be heard. It made that cage you kept your heart in that little bit stronger, the muscle decaying from lack of oxygen. “Depends who you ask.” 

His body language seemed to change in small increments, the small shifts only recognisable if you were really paying attention. To see them meant hope; how many times had you spoken to another patient, to be met with a blank stare and slackened jaw? Under the surface, no matter how deep it was, there was life. No doubt beaten down so intensely that he’d locked it away for self preservation. But it was there, all the same. Another ghost of a smile as he finally picked up the cigarette, taking a deep, sharp pull and his eyes slightly fluttering with the relief that nicotine could bring. “I’m asking you.” 

It felt like an impossible question. If answered truthfully, you could still be seen as a liar. He didn’t know you, hadn’t heard your side of the story, or even the story at all. All he had to go on was an offer of a cigarette, and an invitation to sit down. 

But what did you have to lose? 

“I am,” you finally murmured, bringing the cigarette filter to your lips to fill your lungs with smoke as acrid as you felt on the inside.

There was a nod of his head as he looked down towards the cards, letting the silence settle as you played a few turns. Both of you avoiding the subject as much as the situation allowed, neither one meeting the other’s gaze. But it was him to break it, a soft sigh just before his admission. 

“I’m innocent too.” 

So he wasn’t here voluntarily. The circumstances not being one of contemplating suicide, or having a nervous breakdown. An admission like that meant he was accused of something, just like you. Whether he was telling the truth or not, you had no idea. It was pushing your luck to ask for more, but you had nothing else to lose. “What did they say you did?” 

You saw his whole body tense again, as if the question was a bullet through the chest. His grip on the flimsy playing cards tightening, jabbing the remnants of tobacco into the ashtray with a little more force than needed. “Doesn’t matter.” His voice had got impossibly quiet again, an edge of frustration to it. He was guarded again, no doubt starting to get lost in the negative memories that you guessed crowded his head every waking moment. Maybe similar to the ones that crowded yours.

You exhaled deeply through your nose as you chipped your own cigarette out. “Just as a heads up, you don’t have to tell me now. But around here, secrets don’t stay secrets for long. They’ll ask you about what you did in group therapy.”

You heard his sharp exhale, noticing his eyes getting glassy with unshed tears. His fingernails scratched the scars on his neck, near frantic as he shook his head. Over your time here, you could see what this was. It was a panic attack, in its infancy but rapidly devolving. It twisted your gut to see, knowing that it was technically your fault. But why bother lying about it, when he’d find out himself in the next few hours?

“Haven’t seen you around before,” you said softly, mind working overtime to try and head whatever he was going through off at the pass. Distraction seemed to be what instinct was telling you to do. “You get admitted today?”

He shook his head, unruly curls swaying as he did. “No, I uh… It’s been four months, I think.”

Your eyebrow raised as you shuffled the cards in your hand, deciding to avoid eye contact to give him a little breathing room. “You get upgraded from minimum, or downgraded from supermax?” 

“It was uh… A downgrade, maybe? I haven’t seen much of the place.” 

You let out the incredulous laugh that bubbled in your chest, clicking your teeth with your tongue. “Must have friends in high places. Rumour is you don’t get out of there unless it’s either a miracle or a body bag.” 

There was a spark of something unreadable in his features, your best guess one of realisation. You didn’t have enough information, so you decided to ignore it for now. “Is it as bad as they say it is down there?” you asked, cocking your head to the side.

“Probably, don’t know what they say,” he answered with a slight shrug, his breathing slowing back down as he focused on the questions given to him.

“They say rats crawl over you when you’re sleeping, and the guards carry tasers.” 

You got a slight smile in reply as he shook his head, focusing on the cards that you’d both long forgotten about. Becoming something more like a prop to dissuade the conversation being interrupted. “Not true. It’s just… Suffocating down there.” 

“Well, sorry to be the bringer of bad news, but it’s not that much different here,” you sighed, rubbing a hand over your face. “Anybody tell you the routine of the day? Where you gotta be at what time?”

He shook his head slowly, and you let out a long exhale. Of course nobody told him. But he’d be expected to follow the rules all the same, getting punished for something that wasn’t his fault. So, you laid it out to him. The whole routine that was the backbone of your life, and would probably be so until you either left this world or the Earth stopped revolving. Wake up, get washed up for the day. Breakfast, then community meeting. Recreation time. Lunch. Group therapy. More free time, though the option to go outside was there if it was a nice day and the staff were in a gracious mood. Some other form of bullshit therapy, depending on the day. Dinner. If you were deemed trustworthy enough, some form of manual labour was assigned to you to help run the hospital, totally not because they couldn’t afford the staff to do it, that would be absurd. Being guided to the bathrooms to clean up from the day and sent to your designated room for lights out and lock up. By the time you finished explaining, you’d managed to get a winning hand of cards, tossing them on the table as you reached for your cigarette pack. “Still jazzed about getting downgraded?” you asked with a wry smirk, raising your hand and getting the attention of one of the orderlies for the lighter. 

“Trust me, it’s better than being down there,” he muttered, mindful to keep his voice low as the staff member approached. Now his hands were free of cards, you noticed how he fiddled with something on his left hand that wasn’t there, perhaps out of a learned behaviour that he’d had long before this place. You decided not to bring it up. It wasn’t your place. 

“Guess beggars can’t be choosers,” you shrugged, grabbing another cigarette and lighting it with the cherry again. This time you handed it to him yourself, held out like an olive branch. One that he seemed hesitant to take, eyes flitting from your hand to your eyes in quick succession. “Never caught your name.” 

The very tentative trust in a barely budding friendship, however small it was at that very moment, hung in the balance. It was likely that he’d either never had kindness before, or hadn’t in a very long time. It hurt to see, and it hurt even more to know that he was acting as a mirror. The last person who’d ever shown you mercy had long gone, and you were completely on your own. Trapped behind enemy lines, with no weapons to show for it. The only thing you could do was find allies wherever they may be, and pray to whoever was above you that they wouldn’t stab you in the back. 

His hand reached out, mindful not to make any skin to skin contact as he accepted the token, bringing it to chapped lips as his eye contact dropped to the scratches on the table. “It’s Eddie.” 

You nodded slowly as you mulled the name over, though nothing was coming back to you so far. You were pretty sure you’d have known of him if he was this distinct to look at back when you were out in the free world. Then again, you couldn’t remember much of that world at this point, so it was easy to lose background faces in a sea of other stronger, more horrific memories. You gave your own name in return, a small smile flickering over your features. “Guess you better get used to shitty card games and even shittier food, Eddie. Seems we’re in it for the long haul.” 

As much as you tried for it to come out as a joke, it didn’t seem to land. You could see him wince a little at your words, as if they burned his ears, or perhaps it was the truth of them that smouldered. It had been a long time since you’d had a conversation that wasn’t around pills or therapy plans, and it showed. You cleared your throat as you tried again. 

“I mean, if it helps, you’ll be stuck with me for a long ass time,” you said softly, trying to keep the tone light though the words stuck to your tongue. “You’ll probably be getting out far quicker than I will.”

His eyebrows came together, a crinkle between them as he gave you a slight expression of confusion. You could tell he was about to ask a question, mouth open and words forming on his tongue, but the buzz of the intercom being turned on made him jump out of his skin. It was a whole body reaction; tensed muscles and eyes darting about, no doubt an inbuilt mechanism formed from something in his past that let him survive something. You put a hand up slowly, a signal to wait a second, nodding your head towards the glass panel of the Nurses’ station as Sanford announced lunchtime. 

“That sound will happen a lot around here,” you mumbled as you stood up, finishing off the last deep drag of your cigarette and stubbing it out in one fluid motion. “You get used to it after a while.” 

When you noticed he wasn’t moving towards the doors as you stepped away, you turned back with a kind look, bowing your head a little to meet his lowered gaze. “C’mon, stick with me, alright? I’ll show you around.” 

For a moment, you remembered being told that your first day. You could almost hear your voice morph into that person’s, the one who showed you initial kindness, and could see yourself in Eddie. You were yet to believe if he was innocent or not. All you had was his word. But all he had was yours, too. Truth and lies were a currency in this domain, with blind trust that the more valuable would be exchanged. But, if you were honest, you felt the need to tell the truth more and more these days, the bitter taste of them on your tongue and threatening to swallow you whole. But truth needed to be given to those who earned it, and wouldn’t run off screaming to the nearest orderly that you’d finally gone mad. 

And you just hoped that with the arrival of another supposed innocent, those truths would finally be shared.

#eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie x you #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things imagine #stranger things x you #eddie munson self insert #stranger things self insert