#my life is forever better and worse

[loveable-sea-lemon]

happy one year of bl to me!!!! here's some of my faves i watched this year :)

ACTUALLY GOOD

1. bad buddy (modern gay romeo and juliet sorta) - oh bad buddy,,, you changed me and the world forever - show of all time forever

2. not me (gay people fight the government) - yok come back to me my crazy boy

3. love mechanics (break up w/ ur gf for me) - the facial expressions 😫 ily yinwar

4. semantic error (me and the guy i pulled by being autistic) - my autistic boy sangwoo ilysm

5. kieta hatsukoi (misunderstandings adhd x autism) - I LOVE U ADHD x AUTISM

6. cherry magic + movie (mind reading powers? ur coworker is in love w/ u) - 🥺🥺🥺 things that make me walk into the ocean

MOSTLY GOOD BC WORMS

1. kinnporsche (gay mafia chaos) - unfortunately i am still in worms 6 months later 😔 help me

2. cutie pie (arranged marriage couple actually getting to know eachother) - bring them back to me :(

3. enchanté (slow burn w/ a mystery) - i slow burned until i died, very excited for more forcebook shows next year 🥰

4. the eclipse (gay people fight the government starting with their shitty school) - firstkhao why can u act ☹️ only friends will kill me

special shout out to i told sunset about you which made me so fucking furious yet i can't stop thinking about it 🙃

here's my spreadsheet of bl ratings lmao

#happy bl-iversary to me 😇 #my life is forever better and worse #bad buddy #not me #not me the series #love mechanics #semantic error #kieta hatsukoi #cherry magic #kinnporsche #cutie pie #cutie pie the series #enchante the series #enchante #the eclipse #bl brainworms #gmmtv #og posting #the hits #jupe being normal #bls 2022

[slutdge]

i need to do things to make myself feel better but im experiencing the agonies and tortures, thus preventing me from being motivated to do the things that will make me feel better

#anyways follow my backup account @eyeategod cause tumblr keeps threatening me with termination cause im too honest about #how much being alive sucks lol #anyways fully honest not making jokes um. my mental health is the worst its ever been. #i think its not possible to get any worse and then. it does. #ive been miserable my entire life because of these people its so pathetic #im afraid ill just stay here forever fantasizing about a better life when i fall asleep but ill never get to live it #i need a fucking drink brother #i hate living like this

[shalpilot]

#ocs #oc: kiriltugh #oc: yesui #while drawing this i was like. #actually do i want them to share their senses or #and i think the answer is no #bc it’s very important to me that Yesui is like. dead. she’s dead and she is having a poorer experience being conscious because of it #so while they might share like. EMOTIONS from time to time. whether they’re agreeing on smth in general or like #yesui’s rage is leeching into kiril #she can’t actually feel things or taste things or any of those Being Alive Sensations #she can interact with things i mean. obviously she has to be able to wreck shit eventually #but she doesn’t feel anything which SUCKS!!! #she kinda leverages this against kiril. for better or worse #like she can be like. just a reminder my ‘life’ is nothing more than my mind and soul now and you should kill everyone who did this to me #or she can be like KIRIL. EAT THIS CAKE. BECAUSE I CANT. DO THIS FOR ME YOU ARE SO MISERABLE DO IT DO IT D #also why she’s like kiril. if you do not pursue this man i will yell at you forever go go go go #subtlety isn’t her forte. #she was a dark knight after all it comes with the territory #this was a lemon meme

[undead-potatoes]

Sorry for all the bummer posts lately, my mental health is just *toilet flushing sounds* at the moment, and I really should know better than to vent everything on here by now

It comes and goes in waves too, so one moment I feel like everything is bad and will never be good again, and then 5 minutes later I'm here like "well that was a whole lot of something over a whole lot of nothing, how silly", literally just this gif

#Sunny Life #Gif #thank you to everyone who reach out when I get like this tho I appreciate it but you're probably better off just letting me be #I don't really want to talk about it I'm just bitching into the void #my mental health was really good for a few months after BG3 and then it turned sour and suddenly it's worse than it's been in forever #unfortunately worsened around things tied to BG3 and ppl in fandom which is why it's extra frustrating to me #and I'm 98% sure I have developed OCD which is just A Lot #I can't easily get to a therapist or psychiatrist to get a diagnosis and treatment bc of my poor physical health #and it's a bit tricky to do home visits bc we live in the ass end of farmland nowhere but I'm looking into it

[jackinalex]

#for better or worse this bitch is going to red rocks #my friend is going and invited me soooooo here we go #cannot believe this is my life lmao #all time low forever

[spider-man-2o99]

Just wanted to say that I have been thinking of you and pre-emptively empathizing with the nonsense you are no doubt being flooded with and the psychic damage it must be causing. Keep stanning the king ignore the weirdos <3

thankg u.,, i feel like ive been trapped in a fuckign . Torture Labyrinth these past coupl days . but. wwe will. We Will Yet Persist onwards w/ our hand on the left wall till we;re either out or at the center i swear 2 fucking GOD,

#talking tag #asks #th pain is forever the Horrors r unending the lack of media comprehension on all sides is Disappointin But Also My Goddamn Life I Guess lol #though i will say ppl in my inbox have actually been.. surprisingly polite overall? if not outright rather kind as a whole. um. post-atsv. #but. god. i have not Talked About so much of that movie because i kind of just. #..ok actually i realize this is gonna sound rude as hell lmao. but. hhaha i Kinda Just. was fool enough to Assume that everbody would yknow #like. Comprehend The Film yk yk yk. since it is a well-written movie that doesnt try to Hide any of what it;s abt? yk? #i come On Here onto tumblr dot bumblr and i make my stupid esoteric gddamn complaints abt 2099 Themes for Me Only so my head doesnt blow up #n silly ol me i really do like earnestly honestly in my Heart think. like. we all saw the same movie. right? mayb thingsll calm down. #but oh oh oh oh oh no no no No No. they do Not calm down they get So Much Worse. #and now hypothetical Internet Strangers might be Passing Judgement bcuz we look like an Apologist 4 assuming Everyone Knew Media Literacy #CHRIST. do people think i think mig was. like. In The Right. in atsv. no ive known he would be Wrong for years dudes. #why do yall think i was so low-key Disappointed he was placed in a role that couldve better suited. like. Superior Spider-Man. #public image. DING-DONGs. man he is Never Going To Be In Movies Again After This Hes An AU SPIDER-MAN FROM THE 90S. LORD! #i had SO MUCH FUN watching atsv!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i dont like the choices it made to put miguel in the situation that it did. Bizarre Thematic Changes to 2099 that Only I Care Abt. but like #that is SUCH a fuckin SMALL and insanely autistic nitpick like i earnestly loved the hell out of the film and its mig is-- #--Earnestly One Of His Better/Best Adaptations despite bein within the limited confines of th plot nd setting he is In & w/o his inner mono #..i just. Hate So Much That This Movies Version Of Miguel Will Be The Only One That Anybody Knows For The Next Seven Years At Least. yknow. #i lov watching that fuckers trainwreck of a slowmotion mental breakdown for two hours but the movie gave practically Zero Context 2 newbies #BTSV please save me BTSV please save me BTSV PLEASE save me PLEASE please please please PLEASE BTSV youre my last hope.... #(arthur clenching his fist meme) ppl r Already so shitty 2 ppl w/ Messy Symtptoms i could Handle losing MK but SM2099 means too much 2 me..

[luciality]

n ot to be weird but am i the only one who thinks a kinda weak chin looks kinda cute? like a lil incel looking in a cute way? adorkable even?

#shut up luci #delete later #having a crush on a 3dpd will have u saying the weirdest shit istg.... #her femcel phenotype swag #if she dyed her hair dark brown she would look like that femcel phenotype meme tbh... idk if the colorful hair makes it better or worse tbh #shes so cute tbh. i love her glasses #glasses girl x glasses girl forever. contacts are scaryyyyy they are like tampons for your eyeballs. #wow how many times can i say tbh before realizing its not gonna be desu. fuck my stupid baka life.

[lesbiansanemi]

Bad day. Horrible awful terrible bad day

#there’s not even a reason. nothing bad has actually happened #it just FUCKING SUCKS #I want to walk into a lake and never come back #I want to take my brain out of my skull and throw it at a wall and watch it splatter #I know today sucks because I’m so tense and upset that my back HURTS so fucking bad #cuz when this happens I tense up and my back muscles decide to coil around my spine and squeeze like a starving snake #it’s spreading through my shoulders and even to my chest which is a first #I just 😭😭😭 I want to go home except home also sucks cuz roommate #and I know he’ll be out in a few days but that feels like forever #and I’m so tired and I’m so upset and I want to curl up in a ball and cry and hide from the world #but I’m working a 7 day stretch at my job #and I have to transfer the power and internet to my name sometime before Wednesday #and I’m so sick of takeout the idea of eating it makes me want to vomit but I can’t physically bring myself to cook while they’re there #and I just. ugh. UGH #I’m so sick of existing #why does my life only allow me small handfuls of months at a time #where I’m not living in some form of disaster and stressed to all hell and back and just wanting to lay down and die #what did I do so wrong. what have I done to deserve all this shit #in my short terrible miserable fucking life #whatever I’ll just go home and stare at the wall #and then go to bed and come to work and come to work and come to work there’s always going to work #I’m going to fucking scream I hate my brain #why can’t it just regulate itself in a normal way cuz that’s the thing I know I’m being insane and nothing is actually this bad #but man if it doesn’t fucking feel that way #and being aware I’m being batshit really doesn’t make it better actually I think it makes it worse #kaz rambles

[olliecoded]

does this ever get easier

#after 2017 i was like wow that was the worst year of my life. and then after 2018 i was like wow that was the worst year of my life. and th #like ... it just keeps going? none of this is getting better and in fact it's actively getting worse??? #it has been SEVEN years and nothing has ever felt better and i've been feeling this way for 7 years. #i don't know if i can handle another 7 years of being like this #and in that time i've lost the only good things that have made it bearable and like straight up .. entirely my fault #but also i figured deep suicidal suffocating shame was meant to be like something that slowly improves #and it doesn't? it isn't? it's actively getting worse all the time forever ??? #uhmmm. what the hell. ! #hello world #irl don't look

[sunshinexlollipops]

say what you want about weed but I truly owe her my life. not only did she help me breathe better when I had covid, she just helped me with intense sciatica pain and a strained back. it's like funbuprofen

#i only do edibles so if you were wondering how i didnt die when relieving my covid lungs thats how i did it lmao #my docs wouldnt offer me any meds even tho i was struggling greatly and have had lifelong asthma which made it worse #the inflammation i had was crazy. i cried bc breathing hurt sm and sucked ao bad. think abt that. i cried bc of BREATHING #i forever owe that gummy my life i didnt even feel high i just took a long and semi-normal breath of relief #but w this sciatica it was so bad i was crippled by it and w rest and this i felt so much better and i can move again :') #i plan to do some stretches or look into some preventatives bc that was the worst pain ive been in a while #but thank you weed you have saved me yet again

[cornertheculprit]

something i think is equal parts funny and sad is that in the bad ending of 2-4 phoenix says that he never sees maya again, and then goes on to say that a few days later is when he hears the results of adrian andrews' trial. like if you look at the phrasing it seems to imply that he hit the streets the minute he left the courthouse and didn't see maya for 0.2 seconds and then was like "i'll never see her again" because she didn't magically show up in front of him and then started avoiding him to obviously deal with the fallout of an innocent person getting convicted for her sake. it's mostly sad though.

#maybe it's my own brain talking but i don't think maya would have stayed away forever. she knows what being left behind is like too well #for that. and besides when godot ended up killing her own mother (who was Also innocent) for her sake she still said she believed in him #yes they're two different situations and should be viewed as such i'll acknowledge that. however. #for better or for worse. i think maya would come back eventually. #of course the state she would find phoenix in depends on how literal he meant his whole 'chooses death' thing #because again. while there is evidence in canon suggested that edgeworth never meant it That Way and that #phoenix and franziska on some level Knew That... there is no such evidence concerning phoenix. and he is in such a bad place #in the bad ending of 2-4. he's wandering the streets alone. he's given up on 'miracles' and most importantly of all #Maya Is Gone. he saved her life but lost HER. and everything combined is enough for him to do something drastic i think #but that's just me musing. who knows!!!!

[scribefindegil]

What a wild fucking day for Serizawa's anxiety

#from his perspective it's like: #okay having a normal one #oh no a natural disaster! #wait there are *multiple* natural disasters? #OH NO THE NATURAL DISASTER IS MY FRIEND #we'd better get--oh we're going *towards* it? #you want me to--okay okay this is fine #(this is not fine what the fuck Reigen) #okay no we absolutely cannot go any further--WHAT THE FUCK REIGEN??? #and then he just sits there like #welp. #my boss is definitely dead. #if my friend survives this he'll be traumatized for life and probably shut himself away forever #this is Not Great for my own personal trauma so i'm just gonna. #wait here. i guess. #*internal screaming* #and then everything suddenly STOPS and that's almost worse and then his PHONE RINGS #and it's Reigen who is somehow miraculously NOT dead #and he's just like 'Hiiiiiii Serizawa no I'm fine everything's fine :)))' #i would keel over on the spot tbh #mp100 #mp100 spoilers

[im2tired4usernames]

It's so frustrating when you look for "affordable" ways to live it's all

"get a roommate"

"live at home with parents"

"live in a tiny home that costs a billion dollars and needs a property to be set on"

"get finical aid that no one can actually get because there's so many hoops"

"live in a million dollar van"

"live in a absolutely desecrated fixer upper home that has holes in the floor roof and rats the size of a small dog and is unlivable "

"work three jobs don't use your lights and eat one meal a week you don't need your meds either"

"find a shitty run down appartment that MASSIVELY over charges will continue to bump rent up after You've stayed so long there and has a six month mim wait period"

I have no fuckin hope of ever bettering my life or gaining freedom and independence

#i really don't know why I'm even bothering I'm so tired #I'm not asking for much i lit want just three rooms a place to sit a place to cook and a place to shower/poop #and i want to have food and medicine and lights on at night and heat in the winter #maybe that's too much to ask for maybe i need to lower my wants n needs #maybe i need to just find a fucking tree to crawl into and die #i just cant keeo doing this #life only gets worse and worse IT NEVER GETS BETTER IN THIS HOUSE #i need to map out and plan what i want my future to look like and start makoysteps to it get a better job get a place of my own #figure out how to get a job n place across seas so i can support myself there get a visa. and the ability to legally be allowed to work n #live there find a job that pays enough to live and insurance and leaves me with enough energy to continue house work and then energy to #enjoy being alive #i have to start moving on if i don't put the steps into it I'll be stuck here forever but GETTING A HOME WOULD BE STEP ONE AND IMPOSSIBLE #i can't keep doin this though

[vacant2007]

i never do anything with love when i get it

#i desperately need it but something always makes me stop when i receive it and have the option of responding positively so that i can #receive more of it #and even the people im closest to rn. the only thing that emboldens me to get that way w them is the idea that we might never meet irl #i want so much to be excited by the idea of doing that but instead it just scares the shit out of me #and im always shocked to realize people have anything other than neutral or negative emotions about me but my brain always convinces me #that it doesnt matter or that they wouldnt continue feeling that way if they knew me better #love is just so fucking scary. i fixate on its ability to destroy or enslave #in searching for happiness i could ruin my entire life i could get myself killed or worse i could be trapped in misery forever #and everything that allows me to respect myself and know myself would be traded away for the sake of it #love is uncertain and claustrophobic and terrifying and love has the power to kill and maim but love is also necessary to stay alive. #what do i do with this. #cw vent #cw negative

[my-wildflwr]

i’ve been grieving this friendship for soooo long that now i’m just over it like lol. it’s ok !

#throughout my entire life i’ve had to lose friends time after time but i felt this sort of comfort knowing she was my BEST friend forever #but like it’s been years since she hasn’t even been my friend #so if you told me a few years ago that this would happen i would’ve had a breakdown right there at that very moment #but now i’m in such a good place where i know my boundaries and i have some respect for myself that im 100% okay with this not moving #forward #do i want that? of course not #am i ok if that happens? yeah #it SUCKS but i’ll be fine #there’s no bad blood either it’s just. a natural end to a long dragged cycle of things not working #i’ve said what i needed to say and im cool with whatever happens for better or for worse #x

[navelgazed]

Wanna fucking turn into gelatin

#literally this money situation has me so depressed #and nobody cares and im never getting out of it #like. my life is not going to get better from here. it has gotten significantly worse over tne last 5 years. #im never gonna be a real adult who has a house or a dog or goes on vacation #im just going to be this. forever. #constantly trying to dig myself out of a hole i will never escape