my eyes only (part 6)
chris sturniolo x reader
warnings: cursing
a/n: hope you enjoy <33
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CHRIS’S POV
what the hell am i doing ?
i just climbed out of her window like a teenage boy.
i needed to get out of there. all i could think about since she went to talk to charlie was what she said, “he’s convinced that you’re in love with me.”
the words themselves aren’t what freaked me out, so much as the fact that they were true.
of course they were true, who wouldn’t fall in love with her?
i loved her so much that it scared me. i was so dependent on her, i don’t know what i’d do without her.
i’ve known that i had feelings for her for a while, and i was even set to confess them to her right before her and charlie got together.
the words were on the tip of my tongue, but i chickened out at the last minute.
because at the end of the day, i’d rather be her friend and in pain than completely lose her.
i refuse to lose her. i have not gone through years of pining for her just to fuck it up now.
and, i will admit, fucking her and sneaking out of the window ? not my best move.
but i panicked in the moment, and resorted to what i do best, running from my problems.
it was too late to go back once i snuck out, but i was going to do everything in my power to fix it.
hence, the reason i was trudging through the rain towards the local plaza that was the perfect walking distance from her house.
i’m not fucking up this time.
READER’S POV
it had been an hour since chris left. i had no way to contact him, because he managed to forget his phone in my room.
him not having any way to communicate with anyone worried me, as he had no way to ask anyone for a ride home.
i had decided i was going to drive around and see if i could find him, just to make sure he was safe.
i grabbed my phone and his, along with my car keys and stepped out into the pouring rain.
i locked my door behind me and started to make my way down my drive way to my car, but stopped halfway when i spotted chris already there.
his hair was soaking wet, his once light grey hoodie now a darker hue as it was saturated in rain.
he held a giant bouquet of flowers in his left hand, a plastic bag hanging from his right.
“chris” i breathed out, as i walked towards him.
“you scared the shit out of me” i yelled over the rain, watching as his eyes widened.
“i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have left like that. i just got overwhelmed and i didn’t even think before i left”
he placed the flowers down on the hood of my car, freeing his hand.
he moved my hair out of my face, cupping my cheek.
“i just- i’m in love with you” he spoke as he swallowed harshly.
my eyes widened at his confession, and my heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest.
his cheeks and nose were red due to the cold rain dripping down his face.
“and i’m scared. i don’t want to do anything to fuck up our relationship, because i need you in my life. i’d never forgive myself for scaring you away” his eyes bounced back and forth between mine and my head began to spin under his intense gaze.
“and watching the way charlie treated you for so long killed me. but i’d go through that a hundred more times if it meant having you in my life. because then, at least i’d be here to take care of you. that’s all i ever want to do, for the rest of my life. i just wanna be here for you and look out for you.”
“and if i’m freaking you out we can pretend like this never happened, but please don’t run away. i can’t lose you, i need you” he spoke with certainty, like he knew for a fact that he couldn’t live without me.
“please say something” he whispered.
i continued to stare at him in shock, trying to process the fact that i wasn’t dreaming.
this was the moment that i’d been waiting for for years.
i spent so long wishing that chris would long for me the way that i did him.
and here he stood, in front of me in the pouring rain, telling me what i’ve been trying to muster up the courage to tell him.
it’s like i was living the life of a main character in a romance novel.
like the movie scene that every teenage girl dreams that she’ll find herself in.
it felt so surreal, i couldn’t even think of the right words to say.
so instead of speaking, i did the next best thing.
i grabbed the bottom of his hoodie, bunching it up and using it to pull his lips to mine.
this kiss was different than any of the other ones we’d shared, even a few hours ago.
every unspoken emotion that we shoved down and were too scared to express, was poured into the kiss.
it was almost like we were starting over.
the rain washed away every feeling of sadness and pain that we had previously experienced.
the kiss introduced us to the happiness, love, and passion that we had to look forward to.
it was always there, but sometimes it was easy for the negative feelings to overpower and bury them.
he dropped the bag that he was holding, snaking his hand around my waist.
i tilted my head, deepening the kiss as our lips moved against each others.
i silently prayed that he couldn’t hear the uncontrollable pace that my heart was beating at.
his wet fingertips grazed my jawline, making me shudder against him.
despite the coolness of his skin, every touch to my waist seemed to make my skin heat up.
when we finally needed air, we pulled away from each other.
my eyes were still closed as my swollen lips tingled, aching for the touch of his again.
chris moved in again, pressing his lips to mine tenderly, making me laugh.
i pulled away slightly, prompting his lips to follow mine.
before he could kiss me again, though, i spoke up,” i love you too” i whispered.
“and i have for years. my relationship with charlie was a sad attempt at getting over you” i said, making him chuckle at me.
“you’re the only person i’ll ever want, chris. it’s just you. and i’m not going anywhere, ok? you have me” i said as i smiled up at him.
a wide smile broke onto his face as he pulled me in for another kiss.
suddenly remembering something, i pulled away from him.
“hey, did you know that a rain kiss is on my bucket list ?” i asked excitedly.
“i know” he smiled at me before pulling me in again.
MY EYES ONLY ->
🌀🌀🌀🌀
this is literally based on @hearts4chriss + chris’s love story, i be taking notes when she tells me abt it 😝
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I can’t explain what blue eye samurai makes me feel…….its a typical revenge story, a man sets out on his hero’s journey to kill the four men who have wronged him. A lone ronin, wide brimmed hat and sword in hand, roaming Edo Japan on his vendetta. But he’s not a man. He’s a woman. And how has he been wronged? What’s she getting revenge on?
On the fact that she exists. She wants revenge on the four white men that could possibly have conceived her. Who got her Japanese mother pregnant with a blue-eyed child. And not just any blue-eyed child, but a girl child. How is she possibly supposed to live in the world like that? For the wrong of being conceived, for the wrong of being born, for the wrong of being birthed into a world that will never love or accept her, she will kill her father.
I don’t know what level of convoluted self hate that is. Is she a child of rape? Or a child of a whore? Halfway through I realise what she told herself at the start couldn’t possibly be true - it’s not really for her mother. Her mother wasn’t the root of her vendetta, she wasn’t really doing it for her. When she leaves that farm and leaves the chance to live a simple, legitimate life as a woman, she goes right back to hunting down the men. Those men personally wronged her.
And then there’s so much to be discussed surrounding the way she grew up, because as a boy child and a man she can afford so much more than life has dealt her. Her swordfather who took her in out of the love and care in his heart had no shame in teaching a mixed man his art. The face of a ‘demon’ is fine. But not the identity of a woman. Shh. Don’t say it. Don’t confess. He knows and doesn’t want to hear it.
And because she’s lived that way her entire life for safety and security, she’s so completely alienated from being a woman, perhaps she really is he. But not really by choice. Or is it? The thing she does best is the art of killing, the art of men. Gender is a prison and gender is a performance and she has to choose which to perform. The times cannot reconcile hatred and violence with a woman. So she lives as a man.
So she can get revenge on her father, for revenge on herself.
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