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slushrottweiler · 3 years

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Reactions to Ch. 5 of Andromeda Six

Because I have to do something with my feelings. This is written out as a Live reaction, coz it matched my other post like this. MILD SPOILER WARNING

Ooohh, Another flashback

A lot of shit happens in this hallway

Dayum, Nerissa is looking good for her age.

Like… suspiciously good. Even if we took the smallest age difference imaginable, and assumed the traveller is the canonical age (21), Nerissa would have to be at least 10 yrs older than MC, if not more.

LOOKING GOOD SIS

Hmm, so Vexx and my sis are buddies *suspicious eyes*

OK my current guess, Vexx has either always been working with Nerissa and she charged him with infiltrating Zovack’s faction, or Zovack sent him to engraciate himself with Nerissa as well as find entry into the palace.

Omg, imagine if Nerissa was Vexx’s target all along, and MC was even more of a convenient method of infiltration… God the ANGST.

Ok, no more theorising, back to game

Vexx, Don’t WINK at me, my sister is right there.

Ok back to the present, and OOOOHHHHH sparring yasss!!

Pin me to the floor LIs

Now how do I choose the style of fighting imma use. Do I pick based on what I think each of my traveller’s would actually prefer, or so I pick based on which style I think will get me into training with my LI???

Well I’m a Ho so… LI training it is.

I kinda wish you got to choose a level of competency you had to the training. I mean, it kinda lets you, but at least two of my three travellers are quite physically capable, if not legit combat ready. I guess that would have been a TON of extra writing…

Damon: Holy shit you flirty bastard. We’re just throwing subtlety out the window aren’t we. God I’m way too into this jerk

Aya: Lordy, I cannot choose which flirt option is more spicy, but I gotta admit, calling her My Girl got my heart pumping

Calderon: Ummm… excuse me but did the grumpy captain just admit that he wants to fuck me? That’s not subtle holy fuck

Bash: another one where i cannot decide which option to chose. All I know is I want this tin man to RUIN me. I also really like that I gave my Bash-main traveller he/him pronouns. Idk but it makes it better for me.

June: I swear to god, this guy is perfect switch bait. I oscillate wildly between wanting to make him blush ridiculously and wanting him to pin to the closest flat surface.

Vexx: I’m kinda sad I don’t get to have any flirty sparring with my fav carrot boy. I also kinda wish he was at every training group just so he can see how much traveller has grown

NEVERMIND I got my soft Vexx flirt options.

Fuck those are too damn cute for my fav feral traitor boy

I knew they fucked with his head, but I do kinda wish his negative actions were not so explicitly tied to the re-wiring of his brain. Like, he’s turning into a very redeemed good guy

Wait… are we terrorists now?

I think we might be terrorists

Holy shit June

Things got dark REAL Fast

That CG is fucking WICKED.

June bug, you are a literal cinnamon roll of sweetness and sunshine baby let me hold you its gonna be ok

If I every meet your ‘mother’ I’m going to gut her. Just you wait

This is a very light Bash and Aya episode today. I’m kinda hoping they get their time to shine in the next few chapters. But we’ve already been to Bash’s home world, so I do hope he gets a chapter to be the star

And of course Vexx was only working with Zovack for noble reasons…

I was hoping he was out for revenge on the doctor that fucked with his head, or maybe he was looking for notes and documents about what they did to him. Different direction but not bad at all

No, I don’t wanna leave him. It feels so wrong. My June traveller would really have liked to have stayed, even just in the hallway

Wait… did he remember these bombshells before and just kept mum about it, or did he just remember since Ry has been helping him + trauma?

Either way, i need to scoop up this fox and give him pats

That crying sprite is making me FEEL things

Run away run away run away

Lol, I’m with Ry, that was a terrible entrance Damon

YAASSSSS! Traveller Kick some ASS

Oh shit…

THE FINAL ROMANCE OPTION CHOICE

I have multiple save files imma chose them all.

Damon:

omg I called him “the bastard”, we know him so well

My hero, the stabby lad

KISS ME KISS ME

Yassss battlefield make out

Awww he looks so in love in this CG

I knew he’d be a tease but omg.The dialogue exchange between these two is *chefs kiss*

Ayame:

how is she holding me up

Dayum babe, you’re strong for such a tiny person

Fuck can I kiss her again

Awww, baby, you’re too cute

I wanna scoop her up and spin her I’m so happy

Calderon:

He calls me stowaway <3 <3 <3

He’s so mad at me holy shit

Kiss me you moron!

Wow, that was way smoother than I thought it would be

Pin me to the tree captain!!!

Get lost again, I’ll only get lost in your eyes

Bash:

Robot BF to the rescue

He looks so worried about me awwww baby boy

Even his Kiss is cute goddamnit bash

How is he so damn cute, yet so damn sexy

This isn’t fair. You’re not fair bash

June:

you are handling this a lot better than I expected June bug, given the amount of shit you’ve been through today

Superstrength is quite handy

Holy… *swoon*

Traveller.exe has stopped working

Once again, I don’t know if I want to ruin you or let you wreck me.

Stop pushing my switch buttons Juni

Vexx:

oh so you remembered you were my bodyguard huh

He’s yelling at me and all i wanna do is kiss his dumb face

So I did and it was AMAZING

The whole crew has got to be so sus about traveller going missing with just Vexx. Like… that’s gotta raise some concerned

Oh no… the CG… its so beautiful

I demand more kisses Vexx. Kiss my broken heart better

I really wanna write this out with my non-canon traveller, just to make it work in my HCs. It’ll be so fun

Big Twist

HOLY SHIT

#andromeda six #a6 #Slushie reacts #A6 chapter 5 spoilers #a6 spoilers #this VN is getting to me #I want to make ALL the fan work #but have no idea where to start #making me feel shit devs #how dare

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blonde-toddy · 3 years

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Random and Not So Random thoughts while watching Bridgerton: Season 1, Episode 1

I'm supposed to dislike the Featherington mama, right? I mean, I rather enjoy tasteless and tactless at times.

And I'm supposed to like the Bridgerton family? Name of the show and all.

Ah, the "rebel" sister. Not predictable at all.

I would be mad as hell....getting my back scratched up by tree bark, and the son of a bitch fucking me looks down at his watch....then proceeds to hurry up! Even his footman is like "this mf."

Ok mama, shade your hoe ass son then.

All these white dresses. I could never. I am feeling the feathers in the hair though.

Gawd bless these poor Featherington girls. I can't be the only one who cringes when things are awful and embarrassing. And the Queen. She is not here for the shits. AT ALL.

And here's our heroine. Ok, Daphne! You got the seal of approval from the queen. All y'all did was curtsy and bow your head but I guess you did it the prettiest. What a fucking time to be alive.

Gossip papers are legit the regency gossip blog/podcast.

I'm getting Little Women vibes from Daphne and Eloise....but instead of Meg, Daphne has MAJOR Amy energy (SHE JUST DOES. I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT). Eloise is a Jo, which needs no explanation.

Diamond of the first water. That's how I want to be complimented going forward.

Aww Portia....your hating ass! And of course the wicked sisters are hateful to the heavier sister. She's not even really chunky or blemished for them to be acting like that. Penelope has a round face and a very clear complexion....but it's Hollywood so I digress.

Portia and her mean ass daughters are eating crow. All that hating and shit and now the country cousin is a baddie.

Oh excuse me. I'm pretty sure an orgasm just rode in on a horse.

Oh he's a brooding drunk Duke. Yummy poison. And I think we just met the real Queen in this universe. "Your regrets are denied." You going to her party mf! You gotta meet Daphne somehow. Shit. But leave the flask at home. I cannot.

Hoe ass Anthony. Poor Sienna.

'Thank you, next' is literally the perfect song for this scenario.

Oh great, Anthony's hoe ass is a cockblock too.

Yeah, Mama, he stresses me out as well!

All her brothers can't be hoes, surely.

Y'all can't duck the goat! Get in that ass Lady Danbury.

Oooh shit. Baby Bridgerton brother spotted the country cousin!

Well hello Duke! That damn swarm!

Daphne is done with your shit Anthony. She just wants to have some fun and find a husband!

Gawd, now this creepy fuck. You should have stayed with your hoe ass brother.

Aw she's shaking on his ass. "Adieu." MF!

But he's not having it!

Run Daphne! Right into the Duke. What a fucking meet cute.

Oh, he's a cocky mf! And she doesn't even know who tf he is. Golden.

Of course he knows her hoe ass brother.

Yeah, mf. That's his sister. You looking curious now. Here we go.

Oh she's low-key roasting him.....and I think he likes it.

*me singing "Look look look look back at you for what?" I'm not finishing that line. I would always look back at that specimen of a man right there though.

Damn hoe ass Anthony, the carriage ain't gonna turn into a fucking pumpkin. Let her have some fun! He irks the fucking piss out of me.

Oh great. He's here to do more blocking.

Marina got fans!

'Girls Like You' is also fitting for this scene .

Poor Daphne. This creepy fuck about to shoot his shot again.

Damn, Portia. Quit being hateful to Marina, shit. I'm trying to like you.

And here's Berbrooke's creepy ass.

Eloise tried to save her sister. She really did. At least Hyacinth is here.

Aww Penelope likes Colin, but Colin likes Marina. This is soapy, yet delicious.

Anthony, you're not just a hoe, but a dumb hoe. I told y'all Daphne gave me Amy vibes. Marriage is not a game for her. You better tell your dumb ass brother!

Anthony and Simon have excellent chemistry. I want to know more about their history and relationship. They've obviously been up to hoe shit together.

Oh Penelope your jealousy is showing.

Lord Featherington looks like creep and I don't trust him.

Yay Berbrooke, another creep I don't trust.

The Shade Queen and the Scheming Queen.

The plotsky thickens. Them ladies plotting and scheming and matchmaking.

I mean Marina is obviously tripping because there's not blood on her sheets. Secret pregnancy plot point? Maybe.

Inviting the Duke for dinner and seating him next to Daphne. Y'all are neither slick, nor subtle.

Francesca saying what we're all thinking. Yes honey he does have a presence about him. Eloise dropping facts. He is a rake. And it's hot.

That look. Don't look so repulsed, Daphne. That man fine. Plus he's amused by your attitude.

Ok lil banter. Daphne stays shading the fuck out of him on the low. He snapped back this time though.

And Anthony looking all concerned that they're talking. Bye hoe.

And the scheme is unraveling.

Also, I'm going to look up a Gooseberry Pie recipe.

Anthony, you're really irritating me with this controlling shit man. Get his ass Violet. This mf really thinks he runs shit. Crush him mama! Crush him!

He really went to fuck her one last time and then kicked her out. He's literally the worst! Fuck Anthony. Fuck him with a cactus.

The bloody corset marks are a very fine detail, indeed.

Penelope, you cutie. I like the pink!

This raggedy bitch! That's why Colin told you no, HEAUX!

The swarm.

Ok Duke and Daphne. I see y'all seeing each other from afar.

The maid spotted the non-blooded sheet. Now sheet gonna hit the fan.

*It's electric! Boogie woogie oogie!*

Damn it all to hell, Anthony. Just when I think you can't get worse, you fucking do! You really out here PROMISING Daphne to fucking Berbrooke. I get that the Duke is your fuckboy homie and all but this mf right here is straight up creep. Anthony.....sit on a cactus.

Aw Marina, you busted boo. All the clapback came with a slapback. There is a nuance to Portia I can't put my finger on. Its why I can't hate her even though she's been pretty awful.

Daphne trying to take a beat and this creepy fuck shows up! Oh he went full fucking creep mode. Is he really trying to force himself upon her?!

Have no fear, the Duke is near...trying to be captain save a hoe, but alas the hoe saved herself. Daphne knocked that mf clean out! And the Duke is impressed! This looks like the start of a beautiful situationship.

Daphne gotta blow this popsicle stand before someone catches her alone with 2 men. One according to the Duke. He's got funnies.

Did that mf just propose while unconscious? Berbrooke begone, shit!

Amy...I mean Daphne still dropping knowledge about the lack of options women in that era had. I rather like Daphne.

The Duke likes her better without all the fans. Hmm.

Oh here it is.

Yes pretend to be lovers. That always works out well. No one ever catches feelings.......said no one ever.

I mean y'all are hot and this is what I came here for, but still.

See, situationship.

They're convincing because they're only pretending to pretend. I cannot with these 2, already.

#bridgerton #bridgerton reaction #bridgerton season 1 #daphne bridgerton #the duke of hastings #simon bassett #simon x daphne #daphne x simon #anthony bridgerton #eloise bridgerton #penelope featherington

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raguna-blade · 4 years

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Revolutionary Girl Utena Live(ish) Reaction Episodes 8-11

So it's a new year, and I'm gonna continue this, cause its' fun. Had a brief break cause of the holidays. And doing so, I figure i'm gonna do a thing where I make up a nice cleaned up version of these cause if nothing else I like organizing my thoughts. So Control F or whatever your find function is for the cleaned up version if that's your thing. It'll be under Overall Thoughts per ep. Or you know, you're me and you're going back through this for validation for whatever nonsense you say later.

Episode 8

Curry huh? And another recap? uh....

enmy remains trifling

hey wait egg time already?

Danger? Really?

Body swap? Also egg time is goofs

throwin hands????? anthy?

Yeah nanami it is ridiculous

JERSUS TOGA

nanami you idiot

She just fucked off to india to get some weird back alley spice

Shadow girls can you please, just please for a single episode.

ANTHY YOU LYING. Never been good at sports and you did that leap apparently pretty well? What the fuck.

Also, the switching thing here is mad suspect considering the end theme thing (and I suppose the opening.

Utena as Anthy : I don't want to be a sacrifice of the rose seal.

Anthy As Utena: I'm super down staying like this actually.

Like..This is just details that

Uh..Uh saionji what. The implications are strong here. Also, Douche canoe he is, but he's a romantic apparently? UUUUH. Exchange diary.

Is the “A” plot a distraction? Like for real.

Also she took that elephant to the dome.

I'm not sure how to take this personality switch. Like the minds thing whatever, but if it's just the personalties but not the person so to speak, hold on

WHAT THE FUCK. These elephants for fucking real?

Anyway, if they're just personalities altering the “person” it's uh...Interesting. I'm not sure how to take that til I get more info. It seems like a thing.

Also, Saionji apparently legit has feels for Anthy he's just...mad dumb about expressing it? Like he's pulling a lot of Badboy Romance Tropes here but...not...in a badboy romance. Which kills his behavior entirely.

Killed his Soul AGAIN. Damn.

Who's the divine justice for? Like it doesn't seem for nanami. Who fucked up. Presumably between anthy and utena.

Anthy what the actual fuck are you doing. Are you using gunpowder?

Homie, this isn't twilight, go home saionji.

Anthy as Utena(????) you trolling. So hard.

Saionji get's zero respect but dudes dedicated I'll give him that. Fitting for bad boy romance lead.

Uh...Wait, actually, are they all romance leads? Common ones in one way or the other. They are on the student Council so...Hm. I don't read enough romance stories of the variety I think but it seems to fit? I'm not sure what juri would be in that case.

Anyway, if this Episode Turns out to be a key for understanding things I'm gonna be pissed. Just a little.

Overall Thoughts: So this and the other “filler” episode is, especially after finishing my last ep in the session, read as anything but despite the obvious uh...antics on display. Like...

Ok, so the whole thing with the ending which frames Anthy and Utena as kinda the same (or rather exactly the same, except one's in red and the other pink) makes this whole episode feel like it's basically some kind of key for understanding everything else because it's simple times. It's goofy hilarity with Nanami that's the A Plot right hahahah....

Except the personality swap between the two of them is like...The implication here is that they swapped minds fully, and given the level of fairy tale bullshit that is at play constantly in this series so far it may well just be magic brand magic and we're supposed to roll with it. Ok. Fair.

Except...The thought that sits in my head is again, Anthy and Utena seem to equal each other. Hell I point it out slightly later that there's definitely this yin yang thing going on in the opening with the two which is so blatant as to be meaningless because Hah Yeah these are our two leads obvs and they're important to each other so hahah don't worry about or think about it check out these SWEET SWORDSMANSHIP MOMENTS FROM EVERYONE LOOK AT THE BUDGET AND COOL HORSES AND CASTLES HAHAHA.

But ok, if it's a Yin Yang thing, yes they're not the same but they have elements of each other within eachother. So if it's just a personality swap but not an actual soul swap thing, that is, Anthy is just acting like Utena's personality is in her, and Utena is just acting like Anthy's personality is in her it paints this picture of Utena and Anthy as having a lot going on under the surface. I mean obviously Anthy is fucking pissed at Saionji. That was really really evident in episode one because if she's just being submissive rosebride I do what i'm told and I do what i'm told I do what i'm told, the very very very sharp dig of “We're Just classmates” is fucking brutal unnecessity. And given that she DOES know what he feels for her, and he's still acting like that, her being vindictive(or just brusque really, he's being an ass full bore) is like...absolutely reasonable.

Her Slapping back and about to throw hands with her tormentors? Who wouldn't want to right?

But then, ok that's Anthy, but what about Utena. If it's just a mind swap, Utena...want's a very defined existence? Like, she wants to just stick to a role? Feels weird, and doesn't quite immediately jive with her cause that seems against her operations right? Except, as this episode so kindly reminds us (for at least the third time in 8 episodes which seems excessive. I might be forgetting one or two) Utena's whole thing coming to this school is I want to play the Role of the Prince, whatever that actually means. Playing the Rose Bride would be no real difference, except it's way more submissive.

So that aside, Saionji saying he's in love with Anthy (and that seems to be something he at least believes to be true. He honestly seems more into Toga. Like for real for real, all the imagery of those flashbacks reads not just as close buddies, but as I am romantically down with you Toga my guy. Him being Bi is probably the easiest answer, and he just drifted away from Toga for a while. Saionji clearly sees him as a friend and rival, although it's seemingly not reciprocated at the moment.

But the thing, the thing that's kinda weird to me, is that if he does legit have feelings for her, I was struck with this odd vibe that he's playing at being a romance lead. Specifically, a Bad Boy romance lead. And doing so SPECTACULARLY badly. Homeboy is sitting here busting out poetry (unless my brain is being a dumb and i'm somehow overlaying him with Tatewaki Kuno from Ranma which ok, weird but alright) but...

Ok, if he is playing at being a Badboy Romance lead, that actually explains his behavior for how he was treating Anthy, especially if he's legit in his feelings for her? Possessive, Radiates Danger, Engages in Creepy Behavior, is a bit of a dick, etc. It lines up with Being a Bad Boy, except that the way that those usually work out in fiction, as I understand it, they're not usually like...gonna hit you. That breaks the fantasy. But...That's him fucking up the archetype. It doesn't fit for him. He doesn't understand what he's doing in that archetype.

Like yes, abusers and the like can care and still be absuers cause fucked up behavior and motivations don't need to match in the least, but it still feels odd that a man who probably literally could have done any number of fucked up things has...an exchange diary with the girl he says he cares about? And it's not like he's unaware of how submissive/passive she is, his exchange diary actually kinda reads like Utena's Anthy is A Real Girl! Activities*. He wants her to be active part of whatever their relationship is and...Eh.

But ok, if he's that, It suggests the rest of the student council, and duelists in general, would fit into a given archetype right? Toga is clearly the super cool intelligent superman student council president, Juri is basically charisma max Jock, Miki is the cute nerd, Nanami is the Ojou villainess type, Utena is...Basically the Hero type, just morals, strains to upset the status quo, Has the Cool Original Uniform.

And they all kinda fit into those pretty thoroughly, kinda like they're trying to (to varying levels of awareness)

Anyway, I'll hit on some of the other stuff in the next Ep. It's a bit more relevant there I think.

*See Me In Episode 11

Episode 9

I just realized they're doing some kinda yinyang thing in the opening so

R V G FIGHT.

Pretty tense there. Toga went straight for the heart which i'm sure means nothing.

Old Friends? Phrasing seems uh...odd? Unsure if it's dub things or actual subtext. Or both.

Dude you really got beef with a monkey? No, utena.

Being a huge dick. As is tradition.

10 Years.

Saionji: Actually love her (said) but

This is mad gay. Like the lighting, the silhouette. Saionji you're sublimating something here.

Music, Silhouettes.

...Silhouettes show truth? uh.

They were Utena's folks funeral? Huh. Also, why on earth would Utena be kidnapped? Who she be?

….Three coffins. Uh. Uhhhhhh. Utena, Toga, Saionji? UuuuHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?

Dead utena. Uh.

Toga: Ally to all women. Ok.

...Why is there a third coffin?

Something Eternal huh? And Utena wants to die for reasons understandable.

Find another coffin. Rose Sigils on the coffins. Uh. Uhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Saionji: Hey, this is nuts, we should stop her.

Toga: Nah, I'm gonna Ennable the shit out of this.

Tiny Utena with the White Rose?

Saionji: Did he do something to her?

Toga: Nope

Uh....

Anthy: Something Eternal in the castle. I want to go there.

Also impressive grip strength considering. Flat.

Does Toga Remember this or...? I can't be sure. Saionji certainly didn't recognize her, but he wasn't like right on top of the trauma child.

Toga white roses? Uh? Uhhhhh. I think he definitely remembers. But questions abound.

Ufo's shadow girls? Shadow girls having flesh is deeply concerning.

TRUE FRIENDS ARE JUST FANTASIES. OK.

And UFO's broke, so that's probably not great. Who's getting the Revelations today.

That is the fakest voice toga what the fuck

Badboy Saionji: We're Gonna get the eternity.

Also, I just realized they (saionji and anthy) have color inversions going on which is making me kinda wonder if they're related in some way?

Just slap the shit out of him that's fair.

Ok, so Saionji didn't(?) do the dumb thing. Ok,

that is...a coffin. That he's 100% obssessed with. With Anthy (Utena) inside.

He's looking like he kissed his own mom right now, goin full oedipus in the holy shit revelations here.

Castle is crumbling, falling down. So...Eternity is Fake. Ok. Sure. Didn't shadow girls say that?

Castle Immediately tried to kill him. Crushed his soul 1 time too many there I suppose.

Utena, meanwhile, dove super deep into saving anthy which...diving deeper into the fantasy?

Yeah, they all just saw things.

Saionji: WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED WHATS GOING ON?

Bro, me too.

Ok, if the two are reflections, does Anthy and saionji both got some deep illusory bullshit going on? Are they both freaking out?

Toga, saving the day, and Saionji, tried to kill Utena with a sword. so. Ok.

Saionji Expelled? Toga, fool for thinking they're friends?

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE?

Overall Thoughts: I touched on a bunch of the Saionji stuff I wanna talk about in the last episode review, but the thing I kinda want to look at here is well...

Ok, Now the colors probably don't mean anything, but there was this moment that Saionji and Anthy were in the same shot and I suddenly realized they're color flips of each other. Purple hair green eyes, Green Hair Purple eyes, which ok that's interesting.

So we already have Utena Reflecting on Anthy, and hey, there's Zero Reason, absolutely negative number reasons why that wouldn't necessarily be the case with any and all of the rest of the duelists to some degree or another.

And hell, the fact that we keep flipping back and forth between Utena and Anthy in Coffins, there being (for some weird ass reason) a third entirely unrelated coffin for Utena's folks funeral, why the fuck not right?

So ok, Anthy and Saionji mirror each other which...Ok. If the Personality Swap from Episode 8 thing holds, The two actually share some pretty dickish actions. They can be cruel and petty and just antagonistic to things that don't quite jive with what they want. Saionji with Anthy not being...whatever he's expecting out of her, or Utena butting in. Anthy with the girls who keep fucking with her and Saionji.

They both seem to be utterly STUCK on the Rose Bride thing, although from different angles of Possessing the Rosebride and being the Rosebride, and the kind of weird shaping of the Rosebride thing that's going on.

Saionji is treated as a joke by the student council, especially after he get's kicked out, which ultimately ends with him being someone who is generally wanted but ends up ultimately exiled from society. Which mirrors with Anthy as someone is is wanted, but doesn't seem to have ANY kind of actual tangible bonds with anyone.

And, for this last one I have ZERO evidence on the Anthy end, but the suggestions are uh..interesting. Saionji in this episode, as suggested by the shadow girls at least in part, is deeply deeply invested in a fantasy of some kind, one that ultimately leaves him crushed and rather empty, further exiled from people who could or do care for him and that he cares about. Which if we're going with the property sliding across and He's a Foil for Utena (which I think is definitely true in some ways) suggests bad things for her down the line.

Episode 10

Saionji's a joke huh? He's taking it well.

Toga WOW. WOW YOU FUCKING DOUCHE. STRAIGHT IN THE FIRE HUH.

EGG TIME.

So, thing about eggs, that includes whats inside it right? so...Revolutionize yourself right? Right? That's obvious right?

Oh new duelist. Cool cool.

Utena getting slapped. By Nanami. With Utena being hella submissive. (EPISODE 8 FLASHBACKS INTENSIFY)

maybe a girl can't be a prince. THERES THAT THESIS. E8 FLASHBACKS

Nanami got her brother a kitty.

Oh damn it is Nanami. Duel Time. I mean we sall it in the opening but you know.

Jesus Toga, please stop being

OH GOD NANAMI NO. NOOOOOO NOPE NO.

Toga: We ain't kids no more. Shit don't fly.

Nanami: Emotionally devastated.

Is that Miki's sister?

Hey, what happened to the cat?

Juri: Hey, Serious Business, what the fucks up with the duelist?

Toga is perpatrating as badly as nanami actually. He's just less immediately obvious about it I guess.

Goddamnit there's Anthy's next slap. Jesus. Legit, who hasn't at this point. Is this a theme? IS THIS A THING?

Jesus, he's just playing all of this to piss her off? What the fucks up.

...Did nanami kill the cat. Uh...Uhhhhhh.

Ring is an engagement ring. Wait, that's a flat out school rule that everyone knows? For real? Uh.

...What the fuck happened with the kitty. Uh...

ITS TIME. ABSOLUTE DESTINYYYYYYYYYYYY

I just realized the kinda weird framing with Anthy dressing up utena kinda looks like her opening her legs up with the way it get's framed and I'm not sure if that's me just kinda over reading things or if that's a thing.

Nanami's duel outfit is SICK. Also, a yellow alt color of utena.

Actually. ACTUALLY? Is...Is Nanami like an Utena Alt color? That can't be right. Actually looking at them right next to each other they're...straight up alt colors of each other. Not to mention Nanami's my prince thing mirrors Utena.

She just HOT pulled a knife. Oh she's About to fucking hot MERC utena, going for death jessus.

They're supposed to be around the same age too for that matter right?

She absolutely killed that cat and it's...

With her hair down she does look like an utena alt color even more.

Why's the duel music still going after the duel finished. Jesus. This wasn't a duel with Nanami, it was a duel with Toga, and I think Utena Hot lost it out and out.

Overall Thoughts: Well the Big thing I'm paying attention here are two. First the simpler one.

The Egg has to break the shell of the world to be born right? I'm paraphrasing badly, but the thing is the way they keep phrasing that is that the World is the Egg, but the egg isn't just the shell right? It includes what's inside of it. Which if that's the case, mixed with the way that duels work out being more a clash of ideals than of actual tangible skill, the revolutionize the world bit seems to be referring to them themselves, that is the duelists.

Alternatively, the Bird Referenced, the thing being revolutionized is Anthy. Which...Is an interesting line of thought. Given the Duels as a whole are basically choosing who her fiance will be, that'd imply that ultimately this decides the way that Anthy would come to develop? Or how she chooses to develop? Which ok if so, and the way that Ideals seem to be at play, Suggests...What? Dunno. Need more info, which will be delivered later.

But the other thing here, continuing the mirroring thing, which might be me reading too deeply, but I think not and even if it is Whatever I'm having fun.

THE ENTIRE NANAMI DUEL felt like a Mirror Match.Heck, Nanami dressed like an alt color of Utena, and especially once her hair got undone she looked even more like an alt color of Utena. They're only about a year different in age, and her brother seems to be her Prince type, and he drops the ring on her like an engagement ring, and she basically says I fight like my brother because he's my ideal.

Which is a weird thing since right now it's not going...too far. I'll have to see how it shakes out, but if the mirroring thing continues, the fact that the moment she lost she basically said nope fuck that, Knife Time, was...Concerning. It says real concerning things with Utena.

But it also says other interesting things then, because if Nanami is supposed to be some kind of Alt color Utena, similar in ambition goals and the like, if more outwardly girly to Utena's princey thing, their relationship with Anthy is uh..

Uh...

Well put simply, Utena is fucking up big and dramatic with Anthy, and she doesn't realize it at all or care because she can't see it for what it is. Nanami actively tries to undermine Anthy, and does some fucked up things to her. Which..Makes me wonder about the Divine Judgement thing from Episode 8 which, damnably, seems to be forming some kind of key here.

Like the way it's frame suggests the divine Judgement being visited upon Nanami is what's being talked about. But ok, Nanami had some bad shit happen to her sure, but...All of that was self inflicted upon her trying to fix what she percieves as a problem. Yes her reasons for doing it are so she can be with her brother, no doubt, but...They're ridiculous. Like, I cannot believe this shit is happening. But

But

If the Target of Divine Judgement/punishment is the Anthy Utena duo, one or both of them are on the receiving end of it. It's not clear how Acting like Utena would be a punishment for Anthy (I'm sticking with it just being a personality swap and not a full mind swap) but Utena who prides herself on being princely and aspires to that being the super submissive rosebride? I could see that being a kind of hell for her. And if the logic of Utena is Undermining Anthy holds out, but the criitcal difference being her ignorance and dishonesty of why compared to Nanami unabashedly saying yes I am fucking doing this fuck you I get what I want no hold barred, it...

Like, Nanami, as far as it goes, doesn't really receive a punishment if we're being honest. Yes she takes a couple of elephants to the dome, and has to be away from her brother and see her thing fail but..The way it's treated by herself and everyone else is basically a LOL THESE THINGS HAPPEN I GUESS HAHAHA. The Utena/Anthy swap meanwhile seems considerably more serious for them (especially considering the Everyone Slaps Anthy thing that seems to legit be a thing. Somehow. Except here Applied to “Utena”), and seems to cause some serious distress.

We'll see I guess.

Episode 11

As I watch this opening more and more, why is anthy like constantly framed like...Ominous as shit? Is it me?

Homegirl is just. Damn. Sure glad NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN (I do not trust this series to not have something bad happen to Wakaba. Again.)

Anthy. Are..are you...passive aggressively doing...something

Toga: I can see through the illusions yeah boi.

I do not trust this for an inch. He is abusing the shit out of his framing, like the whole time, and I don't trust.

Toga is “student council prince” archetype. Miki's nerdy student counciler.

EGG TIME

Juri is...Antagonistic But well meaning?

Saionji...I'm not sure he was actually on the stuco. But if so, bad boy.

What....is with the balloons. The color coded balloons.

Miki: Like a Pet Cat.

The Pet Cat that died, got killed.

WHAT IS WITH THESE BALLOONS.

ALSO I SEENT YOU PURPLE BALLOON.

So if the duels are ideal clashes more than actually a matter of direct skill, is this Toga (touga?) trying to fuck with Utena before the fight?

Anthy is a Bird. Ok. And Toga, arguably, being the biggest dick here. We thought it was Saionji, but the trick was he's the red part of the rose.

Anthy shut down REAL quick when being the rose bride was brought up.

Is Utena projecting mad hard onto Anthy here?

Homeboy needs to stop playing these games.

Utena, Stahp. DO NOT TRUST HIM.

Toga, You...DOUCHE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

Toga: Oh My B, Shouldn't act that way in front of the rose bride. ALSO DUELING LETS GOOOOO.

Utena: one link forces me to fight him. Meanwhile, rose symbols everywhere, a lot of them brought in by anthy.

Hmmmmmmm.

Utena is hard not understanding something here. I don't know what (rose bride related for sure) but I don't get...WHAT is off here.

Cause thinking about it, Utena's objective with Anthy is arguably the most noble, but she's still not quite treating anthy as a person.

….William Tell Interlude is SUITABLY CONCERNING considering the above thoughts so uh.

Also that was a weirdly specific number. 30K arrows or something?

I just realized that the DARKNESS OF DARKNESS OF LIGHT OF DESTINY OF (INSERT) things seems to show up right around anthy a lot. I'm not super sure if that's a whole thing or just a this episode thing, but...

Is Utena about to get HOT DUNKED? Because I think she is.

Also, I just realized, Utena slid into that pull sword out of rose bride thing right quick and she's never once questioned that.

So yes, Utena has BOOTY but cheeks swordsmanship, which yeah, obvs. Two of the people she beat were actually skilled before this fight, and yet she won somehow.

I don't know how to deal with these lyrics. But Toga is absolutely fucking with her head here.

And She Lost. Decisively. YUP. WELP THIS IS GONNA BE A THING NEXT TIME.

Toga: Hey you don't have to deal with this bullshit anymore.

Utena is doing the EXACT same shit Miki and Saionji were pulling, and Anthy's blank soulless stare is freaking me the hell out. Again.

So, ideals here. But the idea that whoever has a...better grasp of the truth is the victor. Which makes sense that Toga wins here.

Jesus, Soul crush 2.0, except it's on Utena this time. Goddamn.

WELL NEXT EPISODE PROMISES TO BE FUN.

Utena: ITS NOT TRUE. ITS NOT TRUE!

The Anime Revolutionary Girl Utena IMMEDIATELY: MISSING TRUTH ETCETC HOLD ME IN YOUR TRUE ARMS I WANT TO KEEP SMASHING LIES APART

SURE THAT MEANS NOTHING GUYS GGNORE.

Also, no joke, these seem like a Direct response to this episode and I'm not sure how to feel about that.

I want to be hated by lies? Uhhhhh.

Overall Thoughts: So Hey, Here we are in Episode 11 and I want to talk about how Utena and Saionji basically are each other right here.

Like overtly even I think, even if the actions aren't precise clean mirrors to each other which I guess is just how i'm going to be going through this series right now RiP.

But ok, here's the thing. What has been increasingly clear as time goes by is that Utena is fundamentally misunderstanding something about Anthy. I'm not sure fully what it is, but it's clearly Rosebride related, and the thing with the clashing ideals suggests that the.

Actually let me explain that clear like. Right now my read on the Duels is that they are NOT in any way shape or form a demonstration of skill. I Think that's clear through this point, but I'm making it explicit for my own sake. The Victor of the Duel isn't the better fighter. If that were the case, It'd suggest the only ones in the running at all would be Toga or Saionji (Juri should also be in here, but I'm not actually clear how skilled she is compared to those two, and the way they're treated suggests that Toga and Saionji are comparable in pure skill/ability.)

But Utena somehow beat Saionji like three times, Juri and Miki. Miki's whatever, but Juri clearly knows what she's doing, and Saionji seems to be Kendo Team captain so you know. Up there. Meanwhile, Utena explicitly is an amateur.

I'm not saying, in full, that actual skill with the blade is a null thing, but your ideals seems to be the biggest factor over everything else. Presumably, people rocking equally “powerful” ideals would fall to skill with the sword.

Anyway. The Truths that Seem to be critical are Anthy Wants to Be Free of the Rosebride. Ok, so Utena has the right read then right? But then she lost to Toga who seems to be rocking Anthy Wants to Be, or else Considers herself fundamentally to be, the Rosebride, which is something that Utena seems to be denying about Anthy, but is none the less true.

But then, How are Utena and Saionji the same? Well, remember an episode back where I was talking about the divine punishment thing and all that jazz from episode 8?

It hits both of them for mistreating the Rosebride. There is a fantasy going on between Utena and Saionji, and while Saionji's is a bit complicated and unclear I think, Utena's actually is pretty straightforward I think. Utena want's to be a prince. That's her fantasy. The general virtues she want's to possess are great. Good even. But the specific's seems to involve a kind of rides in and saves the day riding in on a white horse thing, where she's the hero and does for some poor unfortunate girl what her prince did to her.

Saionji's meanwhile, seems to be something of him having a genuine reciprocal relationship with Anthy, with him inhabiting the role of a badboy romantic lead while the two of them have feelings for each other. When, really, he doesn't seem to care for her, or at least the feelings that he has for her are considerably weaker than whatever awkward feelings he has going on for Toga (I'm seriously a little fuzzy here, cause it feels like following his most recent defeat he's rocking some kind of clarity? I don't know how it's gonna work out, but I could sorta see him Returning and upsetting whatever the then status quo is.)

But notably, the big thing between them is their staunch refusal to accept what seems to be really true about their relationship with Anthy.

That the end theme seems to immediately pop up as an answer to Utena's reaction feels...Purposeful.

#revolutionary girl utena #liveblogish #In which I just have to accept that i'm probably gonna be looking at foils everywhere for everything #Things Get Spicy #I should really consider getting images but for right now i refuse.#liveblog

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thugnan · 5 years

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Secret of the Scarlet Hand (PC 2002)

Story: 4/10

Characters: 3/10

Puzzles: 3/10

Chores: 4/10

Final Rating: 5/10

I’ve only played this one once and I honestly can’t remember parts of it or the plot. I love that this was the first appearance of Soony Joon, but other than that all the characters fell flat for me. This one took the educational aspects of Treasure in a Royal Tower and multiplied them by 100, in a bad way. This game played more like a Broderbund game, the puzzles were obnoxious and the play through was erratic (not as linear as its predecessors). Some of the chores involved bouncing back and forth a bunch (like the quizzes). I don’t remember there being any glitches though.

Plot (spoilers obviously)

Thug Nan gets an internship at Beech Hill, a museum hosting a super big exhibit on the Maya. From the get go you get the impression that maybe this museum can’t afford to do this? Thug Nan is like “wait a minute this internship is paid right?”

They hand you a list of chores and tell you to get on it. They’re preparing for the exhibition of a giant rock monolith. While doing these chores you meet:

Joanna: Your boss as the museum’s curator. She appears a little young to be running the place and slightly desperate to get income into the museum. Low key she cute tho.

Henrik Vander Hoop: He’s fancy and has an accent. He’s a researcher and knows things about glyphs. Not v social for the most part.

Ale-ale-jandro: I don’t think I was supposed to like this guy tbh, judging from the responses Nancy had for some of his SJW rants, but yo he’s not wrong. I might be biased as we are basically the same person tho. He works with the consulate and appears to have a close relationship with the museum. He hates Johana and Taylor because they’re pirates.

Taylor Sinclair: I thought he was a lawyer for some reason? He’s an art dealer, and tbh I’m suspicious of him immediately. I think it’s the mustache. Idk what it is about it but I don’t like it. He calls you into his office because he’s concerned that someone is gonna steal from Beech Hill, which heightens my suspicion of him but whatever.

As we continue to do errands, we get more of a feel for the museum’s financial situation. When you try to order supplies, the distributor tells you that he sent you to collections and to gtfo.

The next morning, you’re in your office when the alarm goes off, someone has stolen a jade relic of King Pacal’s. The cops come and go, you ask Joanna about it and she gives you the a-ok to snoop up in there. She appears to care more about collecting that insurance monies. Suspicious but ok.

Henrik is apparently also nowhere to be seen? Suspicious but ok.

Alejandro and Taylor subtly mention that they were both in the building at the time of the robbery. Idk why either of them would incriminate themselves like that? Suspicious but ok.

You get a call from Franklin Rose, your dad’s friend that hooked you up with the internship. He’s like legally speaking I need u to investigate this. So Thug Nan is like “aw yee, I’ma do it because you told me to, and not because suspicious Taylor told me to.”

The robbers left a calling card, because you know, all the smart robbers do that right? Also idk how the cops dropped the ball on this one because the culprit’s calling card is A HAND PRINT. I’da been running the show I would just hand printed everyone in the building, and called it a day.

So you gotta do some more tedious chores, which you only are able to pull of because the wack who had your internship before you left a bunch of drawings as hints. Soony Joon, I’ma tell u now that I think you’re a mad lad, but also thank you for ur service.

You get in contact with some other folks that were also struck by the thieves who hit Beech Hill. They send you some more clues.

THEN HENRIK IS YEETED DOWN THE STAIRS (seriously, what is the deal with this series and stair yeeting?) I’m going to say now that the stairs that Henrik fell down were a lot taller than those of El Paso High School, I’m just saying, idk how Henrik didn’t die but ok.

Homeboy has amnesia. Johana was booted out of the building for mismanaging the museum and being overall suspicious. You and I know what this means right? Time to trespass go thru everyone’s shit.

Johana was not happy about being booted out, and begs you to prove that she didn’t steal the pacal relic so the cops will let her go and the board will let her back into the building. I don’t really want to do that but I guess.

I made zero effort to talk Franklin into letting her back in whoops 8D. But she can’t say I didn’t call him.

Meanwhile Henrik’s nurse/therapist hits you up like “yo he kept saying ur name in his sleep so we think it’s a good idea for you to visit. You can help him get his memory back” Yeah? Well remember that I said that he wasn’t v social? I legit know NOTHING about him, especially since his desk is all locked up. Idk why he was saying my name in his delirium but I hope that he knows that I am completely loyal to Frank Hardy Ned, and if I were to cheat on him it woulda been with my sweet Maddie in Stay Tuned for Danger. I guess I don’t blame Henrik tho, erryone wants a piece of this Thug Nan. What can I say? I live dangerously. (Altho for once I haven’t been attempted murdered)

While trying to jog Henrik’s memory you find out:

Henrik probably maybe stole the Pacal, but it sounds like he had Taylor logic. He stole it so the real thieves wouldn’t steal it?

He’s in cahoots with smugglers

Alejandro called the cops on Johana, and needs Thug Nan to “borrow” some papers from her. I don’t like the way he went about it but I respect the balls on this man.

You gotta find like 5 other relics to open the dumb monolith… great. I still don't know why would want to?

Pacal (the real dood not the relic) built the monolith to suffocate a scribe/reporter that was too nosy for her own good. My dood was harsh.

Thug Nan finds the Pacal because well… she had to. And slowly but surely it begins to come together. Tbh the plot to this game was so convoluted, that I wouldn’t have figured out what I had to do without calling Frank and Joe every other second.

Somehow I gather all the relics I needed to open the damn box, and you know I’m starting to think. If this Pacal guy didn’t want this scribe lady to ever be found why the eff would he make a key to the tomb in the first place? Whatever. I open the box and T A Y L O R S I N C L A I R LOCKS ME IN THERE WITH A THOUSAND YEAR OLD ROTTING CORPSE. THIS MAN IS ABOUT TO FEEL THE WRATH OF THUG NAN.

Anyway, getting out of there was not that hard, my girl the scribe shoulda made more of an effort, but hey she didn’t have a handy dandy glowstick like moi. When I got out Johana, Alejandro, and a recovered Henry were on the other side waiting? Instead of helping me? They were v creepily like “YOU DID IT NANCY WE KNEW YOU WOULD.” Except they used Dr. Seuss rhymes to tell me this which only made it creepier. Also they knew it was Sinclair without me telling them? Which is like cool but WhY DiDnT U StOp hIm. They play it off as “well he stole the fake stuff” THEY LITERALLY HAD NO WAY OF KNOWING THAT.

Um, the end?

They left a couple of plot holes unresolved I think? Like Henrik having connections with smugglers. Why did he steal the pacal in the first place? What did he know about Taylor? Who pushed him off the pyramid? Or did he really fall? Alejandro seemed to be peachy with Beech Hill after he found out that the Pacal’s papers were legit? And Johana never asked me about the missing papers, she was also let off with a warning? Okie dokes.

#nancy drew games #her interactive #secret of the scarlet hand #old school games #shitty game reviews #nancy drew

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bartsugsy · 5 years

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i'm not trying to be fun sponge but its just weird for me when people try to attribute words and feelings to a character when that's not the case. from reading some posts you'd think that was a scene where aaron was worried about robert but it wasn't. it was a scene where he was justifiably annoyed about robert basically ruining people's livelihoods and scheming when they'd just had an argument two days ago where he'd asked robert to stop said scheming

fair play anon, this legit made me go back and rewatch the scene lmao

OK U KNOW WHAT,

ETA OK I STARTED OFF THIS POST DISAGREEING WITH YOU AND THEN I KEPT WRITING WITH IT AND FRANKLY U HAVE CONVINCED ME, SO I AGREE WITH YOU, TY ANON, UR THE REAL ONE

LET’S KEEP THE REST OF THE POST IN HERE ANYWAY BC OOH META

LET’S DO THIS, I’LL GIVE U MY EXTENDED THOUGHTS ON THE SCENE and if we still don’t agree by the end, that’s cool, but i rewatched and i still feel the same way about it (and i kind of love the scene even more honestly, it was great, there’s lots to it that one can meta and those are my favourite kinds of scenes) ETA I DO NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT IT, I WAS WRONG

so we start the (robron part of the) scene out by aaron just

the second robert walks into the house, dramatically throwing away surrogacy forms lmao

robert obviously immediately spots him and is like why are you throwing all of the surrogacy stuff away? and he sounds sad and concerned

aaron, having thrown that shit in the bin, responds with a still dramatic because what’s the point? we could never afford it and now we never will be able to

rob admits that he messed up, but says it isn’t over and that he can still make it happen. he says he can find another way

aaron is meanwhile legit rolling his eyes and generally looking tired. he answers with another scam?

and rob is obviously like yes if that’s what it takes, yeah.

AND THEN

DUMBASS MISTAKE, BUT EXPLAINS SO MUCH

ROBERT IS LIKE i could see how much you wanted it, so i was willing to take a few risks. aaron, i did this for you, you have to see that

AND UH

AARON =/= NOT HAPPY

he says don’t try to blame me for this mess. i warned you it wouldn’t end well.

WHICH OK

LO INTERJECTION

AARON, AS WE REMEMBER, LOOKED A BIT LIKE HE WAS MID-BREAKDOWN WHEN HE WAS CAMPAIGNING FOR SURROGACY

BUT ROBERT LEGIT DID NOT AGREE UNTIL HE’D SPENT TIME WITH NICOLA AND JIMMY’S KIDS AND WAS LIKE hmmm ok i need 50

and so maybe robert did do it for aaron, but it wasn’t just for aaron. it was for their family and for both of them, just in a very robert-like way (i.e. the quickest but also by far riskiest way)

but also robert is trying to??? sweet talk aaron round maybe??? in a stupid ass way though, lol

or he’s just being a dumbass, one or the other

and aaron is immediately mad at this because HE DID IN FACT TELL ROBERT NOT TO DO THE ILLEGAL THING UNTIL ROBERT SWEET TALKED HIM ROUND AND GAVE HIM VETO POWER

AND THEN AARON IS ALL LIKE

AND JIMMY’S A MATE. YOU AND NICOLA PROBABLY RUINED HIM

AND AGAIN, EXCUSE THE META, BUT PLS POINT ME TO ANY MOMENT WHERE AARON HAS EVER CARED ABOUT JIMMY MORE THAN ROBERT BEFORE. he’s just mad and spewing shit at robert, literally. he’s just accusing robert of being a terrible person and a bad friend bc that’s all aaron has got here and he’s MAD

rob is like i never meant for that to happen and aaron is like *pew pew parting shot* yes well u never do, do you robert. so long as you win that’s all that matters *pew pew anOTHER PARTING SHOT* and yeah u know what i did want a kid. i did. but not like this. it’s too big a price to pay. and no, i’m not talking about the money. *fucki MIC DROP bye*

and then rob looks guilty as hell and the scene ends.

SO ANYWAY MORE META HELLO

AARON IS LEGIT JUST SAYING SHIT AT ROBERT. HE’S JUST FIRING OFF SHIT AND SEEING WHAT WILL STICK. LIKE, AARON HAS NEVER CARED ABOUT JIMMY’S FEELINGS BEFORE, SO IT’S SENSIBLE TO INFER THAT IT’S PROBABLY NOT ABOUT THAT

BUT THEN WE GET TO THE END OF THE SCENE AND AARON SAYS THAT HE DOESN’T WANT A KID “LIKE THIS” BECAUSE “IT’S TOO BIG A PRICE TO PAY”

AND HONESTLY LIKE

LOL OK I JUST CHANGED MY MIND ENTIRELY AND I FEEL LIKE I’VE HAD A REVELATION BUT THE REVELATION IS IN FACT JUST AGREEING WITH YOUR ASK slfkkldo classic lo, what a donut

OK MIGHT AS WELL FINISH THIS

OK SO THE QUESTION BECOMES WHAT IS THE ‘IT’ THAT IS TOO BIG A PRICE TO PAY

not to be dramatiq, but honestly from what aaron’s saying, the ‘it’ is robert’s fuckin soul lmao. it’s robert not ruining people’s lives, as u say, and not being terrible. aaron doesn’t want this experience of them having a child together to also be tainted by robert... uh.... not being.... great.... (touchy subject, moving on, might explain why he’s particularly mad/suddenly v reluctant to procreate with his husband though) (what if they spoke about it) (would anyone else be highkey down for that, or just me?)

ANYWAY, aaron’s mad because robert fucked up people’s lives and got caught. he was, it should be noted, a lot less bothered about fucking up graham’s life, even in this scene. i think there’s still just... some anger at robert getting caught and being in a shitty situation in general. he specifically says it’s not about the money. he’s not actually mad about the money. it’s about robert getting them into this situation, about people they (and robert specifically) supposedly care about getting caught in the crossfire, particularly after robert fucked over vic to get to billy literally just a few days back (as u said)

and aaron at the moment, bc he’s dramatic and kind of insane, but also probably bc he knows his husband, can’t see a way out of this that doesn’t involve robert potentially sinking further down that rabbit hole of ‘bad’, which aaron absolutely doesn’t want - he’s ok with robert doing shitty stuff up until a point (providing he’s careful) and we know this, but he actively doesn’t want robert.... i guess, throwing people he supposedly cares about under the bus for his own gains again? because that’s understandably like a step back for rob, in the soul and morality department

even though frankly, we all know robert would throw every single person under the bus for aaron at any given opportunity and that will never change

it’s probs for the best that aaron is someone who is going to call rob out on that shit and try to stop him from fucking up his life, though. aaron cares about robert’s terrible little soul.

SO ANYWAY, AARON IS CONCERNED AND LASHING OUT AT ROBERT BC OF IT AND THIS SCENE GOT MORE PERFECT WITH MORE REWATCHES AND EXTRA META AND NOW I LOVE IT AND IM SORRY THIS POST IS LONG AND EXTRA AND ALSO IM SORRY FOR CONTRADICTING YOU EARLIER, WHEN I’M NOW P SURE YOU’RE CORRECT this has been a real journey for me

#answering anons #robron #long post #meta #Anonymous

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dead-thorin · 5 years

Text

everything im gonna write is gonna be concerning but it be like that and its really not concerning

for like months now i haven’t been ok. And like it’s gotten worse with the holidays and ive been so fucking angry and tired lol. like at first i was like its fine its ok, then i was like its the hormones it happens, then its the stress of finals and work but like its really not like i legit just dont want to be alive anymore im really tired of it. Like idk how to convey just how much i dont care anymore to be alive

1) I feel so fucking isolated here like i have friends but a majority of them are cis. And like the trans people i know? most of them on T are non binary which like valid, but they dont get the full extent. And like their families support them lmao and theres one person i could talk to but he doesnt seem to want to socialize much so i always feel awful thinking about hitting him up

and like i feel like my friends dont like me and i know thats not the case but also maybe it is!!! who fucking knows anymore!!!! i dont have time to talk to them bc im so busy at work and then i get home and immediately have to do more work and by the time im free this week theyll be home for break so like!!! fuck i guess!!! i saw one of my friends who i havent been able to see all semester and she said shed hit me up today and she hasnt and i know its cause she and another friend have to study and theyve been busy but in my mind its still “she fucking hates u!!! doesnt matter that she was so excited to see u and would definitely have no qualms in telling u to fuck off she hates u!!!”

2) no one listens to me lol like people listen to me when i rant, which is really helpful and i really appreciate and love that they do that bc emotional labor, but like in groups? i talk and people interrupt or dont hear what i say or disregard it and im like k. OR THEY THINK IM FUCKING JOKING LIKE THIS LEGIT IS SUCH A PROBLEM AND IVE HAD IT HAPPEN WITH SEVERAL PPL AND IDK WHAT TO DO. Like i physically say “im really not joking dont do that” AND THEY STILL THINK IM JOKING

and whenever i talk to people and they give me advice or just listen they do at least one thing. They either mention medicine, which again, valid, but i dont want to go back on medicine right now. But then they fucking push that shit and demand reasons why i dont want to like fuck u i dont have to explain shit to u i just dont want to. And/or it turns into me educating them and im just like great! i managed to do labor in this trying time! nice!

3) I cant talk to my therapist bc shell become concerned lol. i told her how i went to the labor looking for a book about the pros and cons of committing suicide and researched it and i had to talk for 10 minutes afterwards about the steps i was taking to help combat it but like i was legit scared to tell her in case she made me go into inpatient care lmao and this brings me to pt 4

4) theres like nothing here LMAOOOOOOO like no books at either library about stopping suicidal thoughts or helping depression or about family estrangement. I had to order books from different libraries to get something and theres a few that i got from the Libby app but like wtf lmao and theres no events during christmas and every volunteer thing? either i gotta fill out an application and do training which who knows how long thatll take or i need a car. Like there legit isnt anything here i did so much looking lmao like i have my hobbies but that wont make me leave the house

i talked to a professor about this shit too and he understands and stuff and told me to hit him up during break if i feel isolated but like I FEEL SO FUCKING GUILTY FOR EVEN BREATHING LMAO LIKE WHAT hes got shit to do too and i know he has research going on so like doubt it

5) im gonna die alone at this pt and i know thats mad dramatic and also probably false but im like so conflicted about everything i feel with my gender and dating

like every time i like a man im like wow if i was a girl, this wouldnt be a problem and like being cis has more privileges than being trans but i know last time i dated in the closet it wasnt a good time SO

and every time i like a girl, im like she prob wont see me as a man or will be disappointed in my body or transition

and like no matter who im interested in, the same thought is always “they prob dont see me as a man and will misgender me, even unintentionally” like i know people who dont even know my birth name and have known my pronouns as he/him AND THEY STILL GET IT WRONG LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EVEN DO ANYMORE TATTOO IT ON MY FUCKING FOREHEAD

theres a guy i currently like, whos so sweet like theres one incident that happened that i had me thinking damn.... hope hes into guys and single..... and like its kept me up thinking “oh man hes definitely str8 this fucking sucks if i was a girl i would probably have a shot” but like every time i toy with the idea of detransitioning (not in a serious way, but just like casually thinking of a scenario) my mind physically rejects it and is like “motherfucking do u wanna go back to THOSE shitty feelings??? really??? it was worse before!!” and i will definitely get over this crush, like im just lonely and its cuffing season, but it fucking sucks in the meantime like i feel like i cant date because im too nervous and scared to!!! im so scared they wont think im a man and i know thats not every person but like Jesus its enough that its a good possibility

6) this part is sad but i think i have to stop talking to my sister or at least give her limited info bc shes having her parents contact me through her and im not giving them shit so...

like she just texted asking when id be home and for the millionth time (BC NO ONE LISTENS TO ME) i said i wasnt going home, im never going home, stop asking and i know that its them asking her to ask me and they can honestly fuck themselves

like these are all problems that have solutions and i know the solutions but like im so tired of it lol im tired of having to deal with my family situation, im tired of being ignored and interrupted and not taken serious and having to explain my boundaries over and over and over again, im tired of not being able to talk to people for fear of getting hospitalized or interrupted or pushed onto meds, im tired of not having resources, im so tired of it all. Im so sick of being suicidal and not even being able to get out of bed and having to deal with being depressed and anxious and chronically ill fuck all of it

legitimately had to make a list of shit i could do over break so that i feel like i cant hurt myself until i finish it bc thats how my shit brain works. like i dont want to die but i also just dont want to deal with this anymore and i know itll get better in time but jesus fucking christ its been 8 damn years when does it actually get fully fucking good? its gotten better but more shit keeps coming up like yea i started hormones but now i dont have a fucking family anymore.

Even if i didnt have this list i wouldnt do it bc 1) i dont want to do that to my closest friend and 2) im helping someone get out of an abusive situation. She has like no support, just one cousin whos there for her, but he doesnt have resources for her. Ive been listening to her and validating her and making sure she knows that a) this is the type of shit abusers do and b) shes not fucking crazy for thinking certain things!!! she really isnt and i get it so much so ive been gently giving her contacts from the beginning to help her and she finally left and is in a really delicate place. So like not exactly the best thing for me to suddenly be gone and id feel terrible if she had no one there for her

anyway this was a long post that can basically be summed up as i really want to fucking kill myself but i wont but also im suffering a lot

#post from the blogger

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noexit-ff · 6 years

Text

39.

I have a one more week to go and then the tour is over, I am not complaining because this tour has been a blessing I wanted, I enjoyed every moment. Every fan I saw or met, Europe is always so good to me and the love here is amazing. I think I am going to do another tour again overseas, I feel like I didn’t get to do as many dates as I could because of the rush. I am in Switzerland and I have the concert date today and then I am at Belgium tomorrow but I got a day off before the Belgium date, I can’t thank the production team enough because they work so hard. I am tired though but I just want to get home for Robyn, that is my goal now. Stretching out my body, I hate sleeping in hotel rooms, especially when I don’t have anyone to hold. One big empty bed and I need to get out of bed for soundcheck and Sinko is now coming, it’s been two and a half weeks when I asked him to come, he is coming now. I am pissed, I think I will attack him. Robyn thinks I should just watch him and catch him out but no, I want to beat his ass. He purposely tried to fuck up my marriage and then Robyn has been in my mind, why the fuck am I letting a guy that hates my wife near her, he could have hurt her. He don’t respect any female and I am stupid enough to allow him to be near Robyn. I am fucking so stupid, he could have done anything stupid. I have so much going through my mind, it worries me but I am glad she is fine and he is coming out to me.

Pulling the chair back at the table “you look rough, are you getting that beard trimmed?” touching my little beard growing “yeah, maybe. I need to find someone to come out to me Ant” sitting down as I groaned out “I had a horrible night, the bed was wack and Robyn didn’t call me. I don’t know why, I can’t call her now because she will be asleep” rubbing the back of my head “you worrying about Sinko?” nodding my head “I am not worried, I just feel stupid. I had him near my family, I knew he didn’t like Robyn and I continued to have him around. He is coming now but I want to beat his ass, he is the one that been doing shit. The fuck as he got to do in LA? He follows me” Ant placed his fork down “from what I know of him, he hangs on to your ball sack every day, he doesn’t do anything without you so it does make me wonder why he stayed behind, he is coming now. I think, don’t wait. Say it to him, if you beat him then do it. He fucked with your future which is not good, what if he put drugs in your drink? He seems like a jealous person also” Ant is telling me to beat him, Ant must be angry too “he’s blood gang right?” nodding my head “blood gang don’t like snitches right? They down for their people yeah? Get Lo, tell him. Pass word on what he is like, nobody will fuck with him when we get back, let him rot but still beat his ass” Ant is right, I think I will do that.

Watching my phone ring out, seeing Mijo calling me as the I.D “you not going to pick it up?” Ant questioned, I guess I better “bro” answering the phone “I thought I would call you, erm Mel has gone into labour” not like I care “then why are you calling me? Go and meet your son” is he weird “not allowed in the room now, her mom and Jen are in there. Her family threatened me but Robyn ain’t here” that’s weird for Robyn “hmmm she ain’t called me either, I’ll check on her. Just hang tight Mijo, stay there. They will let you see him, what is your other baby mother having? It’s like babies for everyone with you” Mijo chuckled “she is having a girl” he got enough kids now “that’s sweet, just hold tight at the hospital. Let them speak their shit and see your child. I was supposed to ask you, do you know about Jessica fucking with Sinko during the time we didn’t speak, do you know anything?” the line went a little silent “I saw them together, they looked mad cosy and I walked away, I thought you gave your blessing for him to have her?” pulling a face “its not that, Robyn had a fight with that bitch because she kissed me out of nowhere, Sinko been setting me up all this time while fucking her? I don’t get why?” I am so angry “wow, ok. Sorry, I be in my own bubble with stress but that is fucked up. Chris, I told you that Sinko loves you when you were snorting a line and high as fuck, he wants to be you but now you have settled, he is jealous of you but he hides it well” rubbing my face “so what do you think I should do?” I think I will go with what Ant said though “beat his ass to show him who’s boss, he fucking with your family so do what you need to do” I can’t wit to see his ass now, that motherfucker.

The phone pressed against my ear, ringing Robyn for the third time. I don’t know why she ain’t picking up, I mean it is like the middle of the night but I want to know she is safe “Christopher” Robyn sighed out, she is half asleep “I’m sleeping” she mumbled “good but why didn’t you call me last night? I get worried you know. How come you are sleeping? Your bestie is giving birth” Robyn moaned out “ok that is good for her, I am tired. I just feel so tired Chris” I know Roby has her eyes closed talking to me “how come you don’t care?” stepping off the elevator “I do but I just don’t feel good, my back hurts and it took me so long to fall asleep. I was going to call you but I kind of lost it when I fell asleep, sorry. Just in some pain” I can’t blame her “ok, I just want to know you’re safe that is all. I will let you rest, I am just going to do soundcheck. Not long left” unlocking my hotel room door, the phone fell so eerily silent “Robyn?” I said, hearing light snores come through the phone. Let me put the phone down before those light snores turn loud, my baby.

Passing my mic to the sound engineer “all good homie” sounds good so then I am good to go, just that this place usually has bad sound with echo and shit so I had to do soundcheck “Sinko is here” Ant said passing me my water bottle “you tell Lo?” he asked, nodding my head “they all know, I said it on the bus. You fell asleep” drinking the water making my way to the back of the stage “ok, and Robyn called your phone” Ant passed me my phone, let me call her back quick “she sound upset?” I questioned “just a little” passing the water bottle back to Ant, placing my phone to my ear “long time bro!” Sinko spat, smiling at him “good seeing you” dapping him “I will be two minutes” hearing Robyn crying in my ear “baby, what’s wrong?” frowning hard, I am concerned as fuck now. Hearing her sob out and snort while crying “Seriously? What the fuck? Talk to me” why won’t she speak “don’t shout at me!” she said through her cries “I miss you and I want you back!” she is having her moment “you know I am out here” rolling my eyes “nobody was here to rub my back” she sniffled “I want you here with me Chris, oh god. Why won’t you listen” she is so spoilt “I am listening to you but you crying like a brat with me, I can’t be there. Why cry?” I know she has boogers coming down her nose, these tears are deep “because I want you here Chris, I miss you” hearing her sniffing her boogers back up her nose “that shit is nasty, come on. Please stop crying, you make shit hard for me. I am hurting too, there is not long left and I will be back” Robyn sighed out “I bet you look different, I bet you look so beautiful. Tell Ant he takes rubbish videos and I can’t see you properly” she sobbed out again, my eyes bulged out “help” I mouthed to Ant, she is crying all over again “ok, Ant. You take shit videos, she wants better videos. She wants to see the sweat on my forehead, can you do that for me? Please thanks” Ant walked off busting out laughing “thank you” Robyn said, rubbing my forehead “I ain’t changed, I am still the same nigga. Just stop crying” Robyn is hard fucking work “I have got you something nice, I will give it you when I see you” I need to make her feel better “I just want you back” she mumbled “you get me and some new heels and dresses I bought you babe, I got them in France for you” Robyn groaned out “my feet are swollen and boobs leak so I will look horrible” I cringed “no, these are for special occasions only” I lied “not every day use so you good” Ant is dying laughing at me, I am walking on a thin ice with Robyn, she about to have another meltdown if I say something stupid.

I breathed out and fell on the ground with my arms out, Ant ran to me laughing “what the fuck was that” I said to myself “nigga, you was sweating, oh my god. Rihanna got you sweating, she legit with that” Ant got his hand out, taking his hand and he pulled me back up “this is so funny, women are a whole different breed. This break away is good for you too though, hearing the shit every day is depressing” listening to Ant shaking my head rubbing my chin “don’t ever get married you hear that shit? If you get married don’t get her pregnant, oh my god!!” I shouted, my videographer busted out laughing behind me “god!” I shouted “you can only show some parts of that but wow, women!” I think I could pull my hair out, I need a blunt. Running down the hall, I need a blunt quick “nigga!” Ant shouted still laughing at me, pushing the exit doors open and feeling the breeze hit my face “the hell you doing you monkey?” Cass said, I think I half scared him “I needed air and I need a blunt, you best believe I am not getting Rihanna pregnant again” Cass looked at Frank and they both laughed “I ain’t going into detail but she was crying, over nothing! I mean nothing!” no wonder she is tired, she be crying over stupid shit.

After all of that, I can now just concentrate on this motherfucker “I am free, mentally that is” I am glad Sinko wasn’t around for that conversation “what you been up too? Family good?” I asked Sinko “yeah, yeah. All blessed now” nodding my head “cool, let’s speak. Alone that is, I have some shit to speak on, you know you can’t trust niggas” I lied, he is the snake “hell yeah, phoney ass niggas around” Sinko said, looking at Cass he opened the door for me “I need to go and check on Frank, I’ll walk you” Cass is going to wait outside the door really “it was a shame that you couldn’t be here, it’s coming to an end and you here now, it’s a shame nigga” acting like I give a fuck “you know when shit come up there ain’t nothing I can do” he is never busy the liar, walking into the room “least we got snacks here” the door closed behind Sinko “I am actually hungry, long flight and shit” it’s kind of hitting me, I don’t need this nigga. I should have listened to when my wife didn’t like him, she says she doesn’t like my friends but Sinko, she always had issues and he actually would be disrespectful.

Drinking from the Red Bull can and then placing it down on the table, taking the last of the blunt before putting it out “you didn’t even share that?” Sinko pointed laughing, blowing the smoke out “I don’t share with snakes bro” his face changed into total shock “you what?” he is so confused “you snaked your way into OHB, I accepted you as a friend, as my best fucking friend and you have been setting me up all of this time” Sinko stared at me, he still has this shocked look on his face like he is masking the fact he has been caught “I wouldn’t do that shit to you” he shook his head in disbelief “Mijo, Rihanna, Jen they all saw you with Jessica. How did Jessica know where I was huh? In the lobby, waiting for y’all. Why was I on my own at that moment? How did she know where I would be shopping, how the fuck did she get through? You, it’s been you all of this time. Now I fucking can’t trust you” Sinko got up from the couch “I just fucked her, that is it” shaking my head “so you admit to it, why!? Why was you setting me up?” Sinko has been caught, he doesn’t know what to do “to blackmail you, I mean Jessica. She wanted to do it” letting out an oh “I thought you would have fucked, you’re a nigga like me. Fuck bitches, Rihanna is annoying as fuck and I thought you would have took the bait” shaking my head hearing the truth “so this was for money? Are you kidding me?” is he being real “look” he went silent after saying look “I just wanted to make more money, I want to be better than you. Your fancy ass clothes, wife, cars, home. How can shit come to you in your lap when you are just a nigga like us!” rubbing my face, he is so jealous “so you a jealous snake? There is blood gang rules about snitching on your own right? You just did that for money? Nigga you are done” I chuckled.

The room is so silent, I didn’t see it for him like that “you are so lucky you live in a gated community” those words hit me, now he is really pushing it. I turned to face Sinko, I balled my fist up and punched him square in the face he stumbled back, and his face darkened. The look of shock and anger, as if he didn’t expect me to hit him. I kicked him in the stomach before he could throw a punch. A trickle of blood as escaped his nose “get up!” I spat “come on blood, get up” this nigga is weak as fuck, Sinko wiped his nose and charged at me “you fucking dead” he body slammed me into the wall, I cringed in pain. Using my knee to jab him in the stomach, I am taller than his small ass. He staggered backwards, I managed to punch him again, and I instantly heard his nose crack “why am I lucky!? Tell me, you trying to harm my family!?” seeing red “I will kill you, if I hear one word my home been hit by anything” I hit him again, Sinko held his face crying “damn breezy, ok. I didn’t expect this” looking down at my knuckles “you over nigga, Cass. Take him out of here, you done. Don’t step in LA again, nobody likes a snake, everybody knows” Ant looked at me and didn’t say a word “I guess those boxing classes taught you a little something” nodding my head “get some ice for that” it’s really bugging me, I mean my family is safe. They can’t do shit beyond that gate.

The room is so quiet now, nobody knows what to say “what happened today just stays here, I don’t want to know. Mijo and I don’t have beef, shit was said but he didn’t try and fuck me over. I won’t even tell my wife this, she don’t need the drama and also she is already dramatic with her emotions. Just know that if you going to fuck me over then you will get the same treatment, Sinko is done. He knows it, his ass done. The niggas in this room are the ones I am rolling with and want to roll with and Robb, don’t say shit to anyone, not even Aaron. Just keep it here, Lo just make sure word gets out” moving the ice pack from my knuckles “we got you” Lo said, I am glad they do “what made you go crazy, you gave him a new nose” hood asked, I chuckled “he mentioned my family, he said I was lucky I live in a gated community, that shit got to me. Was he trying to hurt my family? If I wasn’t, was he going to do something but I am glad we moved and Robyn pushed for it. If my hand is noticed because it is fucked, just say Ant was teaching me to box and shit happens” that will be the thing I will be saying “oh yeah, while he was being removed. I took the chain and ring from him, we don’t fuck with those” Hood passed me the OHB chain and ring, I actually forgot about taking it from him.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfiction

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markhycks · 7 years

Text

markhyuck au where

mark is a real estate agent trying to sell a house that has been unoccupied for years but donghyuck (the ghost who haunts it) won’t let him. warning: very long post / aged up!markhyuck

—- i wrote this bc i had to get this out of my system - yall can keep scrolling if u dont like markhyuck !! ALSO i have z e r o clue how the real estate industry works so this is probably super inaccurate

ok so:

no one wants to buy this property bc its apparently haunted by a ghost

mark thinks thats just stupid

hes just trying his very best n rly wants a promotion !!

so his boss (obviously taeil bc we love a moon taeil managing a real estate business) offers to give a raise n promotion to anyone that can sell the house bc the last dude that tried to got so close but the couple pulled out last min after hearing abt the rumours

mark thinks he is aBSOLUTELY FULLY CAPABLE of selling this house so he tells his boss he wants to give it a shot

taeils like r u sure you’ve only been working here for 6 months

n mark lee’s all hell yea i got this thats why rumours around the world are saying mark is abs-

so boss man’s like aight ill leave this task to you

everyone else in the office is all :000000

sicheng the cute intern is all ARE YOU SURE ABT THIS MARK in his broken chinese n he’s all cute and worried and its the first time the others have heard him speak this much

jaehyun his bff in the office is like good luck man bc he once tried selling it too but whimped out after encountering so called ghost

so anyways mark has to go inspect the property the next day

he gets given the keys yadda yadda

when he turns up to the house (which, mind you, is a very nice house located on the outskirts of town by a little lake) and opens the door he hears a loud “WHO GOES THERE”

and mARK FREAKS TF OUT

like he legit jumps n he’s pretty sure he almost peed himself n hes sso oso scared but then he remembers his mission and that he’s not going to turn out like the rest and he w I L L sell this house

so he loosens his tie with a d e t er m i n e d face and enters the home

“whos there!! show yourself!”

he thinks he sounds pretty fierce but it actually came out a quiet squeak

anyways it’s silent for a bit and mark’s like super wary as he closes the door behind him

“LEAVE THIS HOUSE IMMEDIATELY!!!” and suddenly theres a picture frame thrown at the wall

mark panics again and he’s so close to running out but he stays determined!!! bc!! fully capable mark!!

“no i have to sell this house and i won’t leave until i do so!!”

and it just goes silent again until the voice speaks up again

“who are you”

“i, um. mark?”

“you sound unsure”

“well. i mean, would you kill me for being a little nervous? jheesh”

he looks around. where is the voice even coming from? it projects through the entire house like its on speaker

mark’s not sure where he got this sudden confidence from but he feels a lot less scared than before so he just loosens his tie and walks around the house with his clipboard, doing his lil inspection

the ghost? spirit? whatever it is doesn’t say anything and mark just shrugs and carries on with his business and before he knows it an hour has already passed

“hey spirit” he calls out

and it’s like silent for ages

so he just shrugs and he’s about to leave when

“you can’t sell this house. it’s mine”

and mark just stops at the door and he can’t help but feel a lil sad at the spirit’s sad tone bc it probably has like so many memories in the house and it probably hasn’t crossed over or whatever (he’s not sure how the whole supernatural thing works but he’s watched ghost whisperer before)

the last thing mark says before he leaves is “i’ll be back tomorrow and you better be gone”

he thinks he hears the spirit scoff but maybe its just his ears

honestly mark has a hard time believing all of this and he goes to bed that night wondering h o w he’s going to deal with this situation

anyway mark turns up the next day and this time the spirit doesn’t seem as hostile

that being said it continues to threaten mark and starts moving objects around

but honestly mark (and his newfound confidence) only rolls his eyes as makes a list of the repairs that need to be done (bc deep down he doesnt believe any of this is actually happening)

so they fall into a routine

mark keeps coming back and the spirit keeps threatening him

sometimes it tries to sabotage his work by moving things around

mark’s gotten so used to it that he literally just sighs like “give it back”

the spirit actually listens to him and does

eventually they start talking more

mark’s found out the spirit’s name is donghyuck but that’s all the information he knows

he thinks it’d be inappropriate to ask stuff like “oh so how did u die” so they just end up having the most random conversations

“make sure you paint the hallway walls blue. the mustard yellow is so outdated”

“you’ll leave and let me sell the house if i paint them blue?”

“i never said that”

and mark ends up spending more time at the house than necessary

so one day jaehyun pulls him aside at work n he’s all “dude??? are u ok? you’re hardly in the office these days”

and mark’s like “yeah man u know its just the repairs for the house they’re taking ages”

jaehyun is suspicious but shrugs it off and tells him to be careful

taeil asks how the task is going and mark suddenly gets all nervous for no reason bc HOW IS THE TASK GOING??? he doesnt even know 

he just gives another casual response n says the house should be ready soon for him to start bringing in clients

taeil just pats his back and wishes him good luck

when mark finishes work that evening he literally feels so down bc he literally had one j o b but here he is being all chummy with a ghost that haunts this house and its all just so messed up in his head

he doesnt know what makes him do it but that evening he ends up going to the house

“someone’s working the night shift”

mark just blinks in confusion at the words because what the heck. he’s meant to be here for work and this isn’t work so w h y is he here at 7pm on a friday???

instead he just takes a seat on the floor by the wall in the empty living area and sighs like a sad puppy

“what’s the matter?” donghyuck asks and his voice sounds genuinely concerned??? if anything it scares mark a bit

“who - no. what are you?” he finally asks

and then there’s silence

it’s literally like that for almost an hour before mark asks again

“are you like some kind of ghost? spirit? do you need help crossing over? i just. i really need you to leave and you’re not making my job any easier and i’m so confused and half of me doesn’t even believe any of this is real”

silence

it almost convinces mark that he really is going mad because there’s no such thing as ghosts and he’s just talking to an empty house

until a quiet voice says

“i’m neither of those”

mark feels so, so confused and he just ruffles his hair in frustration

“then what are you?”

“what’s your favorite color?”

he’s taken aback by the question

nonetheless, he responds with a quiet “green”

“green is disgusting. red is better”

“red is literally the color of the devil i’m guessing thats what you are”

he’s expecting an angry remark but instead he’s met with soft laughter and all mark can do is smile in return

he ends up spending the night at the house talking to donghyuck all night

it’s a saturday the next day and mark is so co n f u s e d when he wakes up to the smell of pancakes?

he follows the smell and finds a plate of pancakes sitting at the table with a note “i’m assuming you never ate dinner last night. eat up - D”

mark thinks he’s living in a dream bc did a ghost just?? COOK for him??

reality at this point has become so warped in his mind that he doesn’t care anymore and he starts eating

he hears laughter

“calm down youre eating as if its your last day on earth”

he sticks up a middle finger at no one in particular, hoping donghyuck will see it from wherever he is, and he’s only met with more laughter

when he’s finished eating and rinses his plate (which he has no idea where it came from) he’s thinking about what donghyuck said to him last night about not being a ghost

“donghyuck”

“mark”

for a brief moment he’s startled. it’s the first time donghyuck’s said his name and he’s not sure how he feels about it. if anything, the tips of his ears growing red must indicate a positive sign

“what ar- i mean. how do yo- no. what do you look like?”

silence

he runs a hand through his hair with a frustrated sigh before leaving the house again

he doesn’t return for another week

when mark comes back, he’s with a client

mr johnny seo and his boyfriend chittaphon seem extremely keen in the property and want to move in despite hearing rumors about a ghost

mark doesn’t know whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing

johnny and chittaphon are into that buzzfeed unsolved kind of shit and run their own vlog series on youtube and theyre just e c s t a t i c that they might be moving into a haunted house

mark thinks theyre weird as shit but he wants that promo

donghyuck probably doesn’t mind sharing anyway

when he thinks back to donghyuck he feels a pang in his chest and dare he say it, he misses them?

anyways

mark takes the couple back to the house and he feels weird

he can’t pinpoint what’s wrong but he just feels strange inside his chest

there are two things he’s learnt about johnny and chittapon:

one, they cant keep their hands off each other

and two, they can’t stop filming every waking moment of their lives

so when they’re following him to the house with their giant ass camera and chittaphon’s giggles, mark can only roll his eyes as he inserts the key

but the door won’t open

mark’s confused - he hadn’t come back to change the locks so why won’t the key fit?

he feels slightly flustered in the presence of the couple and their camera and he laughs nervously

they must feel pretty bad for him because they laugh nervously too

mark tries again but to no avail and sighs in frustration when it hits him: donghyuck - this was clearly his doing

mark clears his throat awkwardly before turning back to the couple “i’m sor-”

“LEAVE AT ONCE”

johnny and chittaphon jump back, eyes wider than saucers while mark has to c o n t a i n himself from rolling his eyes at donghyuck’s ~scary voice~

he half expects the couple to run away but instead johnny only begins to roll the camera once again and there’s a look of nervous excitement on chittaphon’s face

mark turns to the door once again and hisses “donghyuck open the door”

he hopes the couple haven’t heard him but judging by the looks on their faces, they have

“LEAVE MY HOME AT ONCE BEFORE I CURSE YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES”

and mark can only snort

johnny looks absolutely f a s c i nat e d by this point and mark groans internally before beginning to knock on the door

“donghyuck not cool just open the damn d o o r before i break it down”

there’s silence and mark takes it as his cue to try unlocking the door with his set of keys again

it works and he allows the couple to enter

donghyuck attempts to scare the trio a few times during mark’s tour of the house by moving things around - causing johnny to drop his camera at one point and chittaphon to curse at him for bringing it because its probably broken now

anyway the tour goes t e rr i b ly

mark is pissed

he’s not sure what johnny and chittaphon are feeling

when he sees the couple off he just shuts the door angrily and donghyuck just g i g g le s

“what the fuck man did u have to do that?”

“i told you to leave”

“and i told you to leave. what is even your problem???”

at this point mark’s just yelling and donghyuck doesnt seem to care tbh

there are a few more clients he tries to bring that week and the week after

they all go awfully thanks to donghyuck and by the end of the fourth week mark is on the verge of giving up

donghyuck on the other hand seems to be having way too much fun

“can you just like, stop?” mark sighs

he’s very very tired at this point and he’s considering giving the keys back to taeil and telling him he can’t do it

he’s picks up his blazer that he’d taken off earlier and is about to leave when he hears a

“where are you going?”

mark just releases the loudest snort before turning to the empty walls of the house and raising a brow at nothing in particular

“are you kidding me? i’m done. congrats donghyuck you get to keep your damn house”

donghyuck doesn’t say anything

- when mark shakes his head and turns to open the front door

it won’t open

“very funny, donghyuck. open it so i can leave”

he’s met with silence a g a i n so he pulls the keys out of his pocket

“wait!”

he whips his head around in confusion bc its the first time he’s heard donghyuck speak in such a desperate tone

he feels his ears growing red again

“uh.. yes?”

there’s a couple seconds of silence before donghyuck speaks in a quiet voice

“you asked me what i was right?”

mark just scoffs bc why is he even having this conversation at this point

he decides to answer anyway

“like every day but sure”

“go to the loft”

mark spends a few seconds contemplating whether he really should or not

he follows his gut instinct and makes his way to the loft

he’s only actually been up to the loft once just because it takes forever to get up there

when he climbs up the ladder and looks around at the empty space he shrugs

“well?”

“go up to the bookshelf on the far left”

mark feels like a child being directed right now but he follows the instructions anyway

he feels slightly nervous and a part of him wants to escape

its congested up here and he can feel the back of his neck grow sweaty like he’s been waiting for this moment for ages!!!

a part of him wants to run out of the house as quick as possible he’s not even sure what hes expecting

“now um.. move that red book on the end”

mark’s hand is s h a k i ng at this point and he slowly does what hes been told

suddenly????? the bookshelf starts moving

and then it hits mark

its a fake bookshelf thats actually meant to be a revolving door

mark is literally about to collapse bc he doesnt know whats waiting for him on the other side

when the door finally reaches the other side all he can do is stare

he feels like he’s in a different world, standing in the loft which resembles an open space apartment, with a tiny window and a mini kitchen on the side, a door which leads to what he assumes is a bathroom and a small bed

but that’s not what catches mark’s attention

standing in front of him is the most b e a u t i f u l boy he’s ever seen in his entire life

he doesn’t look much younger than mark himself, slightly shorter with dark red hair, golden skin and the biggest chocolate brown eyes he’s seen on a person

mark doesn’t know how to react

his mouth goes dry and the boy looks so frightened standing there in his own vicinity that mark’s afraid he’ll disappear if he touches him

“donghyuck?”

clearing his throat in an all too familiar voice, the boy speaks

“that would be me”

mark passes out

when he wakes up a while later, he’s on an unfamiliar bed and he looks around with narrowed eyes - realising that it wasn’t a dream and donghyuck is in fact a human living in a loft

mark looks around at the place and his jaw drops when he sees the wall opposite the bed is fULL of screens capturing cctv like images of almost every corner of the house

there are about three computer screens at the desk and mark is baffled

it looks like the bedroom of a teenage hacker

“oh good you’re up. i thought you were dead” donghyuck says, walking over to him from the kitchen with a plate of food

mark sits up slowly, his head is aching and hearing donghyuck’s voice like this, so clear, so close to him, so soft - he thinks he’ll pass out again

he feels himself growing warm when donghyuck takes a seat beside him on the bed, putting the plate on his lap before getting up

before he can, mark grabs his wrist “wait”

“you probably have a lot of questions” donghyuck speaks over him

“well, yeah”

“eat up we’ve got all night” donghyuck says

mark hasn’t even made eye contact with the other boy yet because he can’t bring himself to

donghyuck is intimidatingly beautiful

“i- what time is it?”

“9. you were out for hours”

“it’s been a long day” mark shrugs, taking a bite of the surprisingly good food donghyuck managed to cook up

so it turns out donghyuck’s family were the owners of the house but he’d been left an orphan as a teenager

in order to avoid being taken into social care, he made his own living space up in the loft so no one would find him - once he’d turned 18 they stopped looking for him and using his intelligent brain, he’d conjured up all the right devices to make it seem like the home was haunted by the ghosts of his family members

mark is baffled by the end of the explanation

“but the things moving around the house..”

“ever heard of remote controlled toys and simple physics?”

mark nods slowly and donghyuck just shrugs casually

later on donghyuck shows mark how he’d managed to keep up this strange lifestyle of his

he also finds out that donghyuck is not much younger than himself like he’d predicted - there are only a few months separating them

mark ends up spending the weekend at donghyuck’s place

when it’s sunday night and mark’s getting ready to leave, donghyuck actually walks him up the front door

it feels weird to say the least - hearing donghyuck’s voice like this and not projecting through the speakers he had hidden behind the walls

he doesn’t want to admit it to himself, but donghyuck’s voice is sweeter than honey and he feels like melting every time the younger speaks to him in a quieter tone

“hey donghyuck” he says, once he reaches the door and turns to the younger

“hm?”

“you ever thought about just.. buying the house?”

donghyuck lets out a laugh

mark finds it condescending

“do you think i have the money to do that?”

“well since you’ve managed to maintain it so well - yeah” it turns out donghyuck does weird internet jobs from home where he gets paid a shit ton of cash through his online services - mark thinks its illegal but doesn’t want to say anything

donghyuck shoots him an amused smile and shakes his head

just as mark pulls the handle of the door, there’s a warm hand on his and all he can do is gulp as he meets donghyuck’s nervous eyes

“you won’t still try to sell it.. right?”

mark remembers his outburst a few days ago and he sends the younger a sympathetic smile, shaking his head slowly “i won’t”

“thanks” and then donghyuck’s hand is gone

mark lowkey feels sad at the loss of warmth but it returns when donghyuck asks him in the most v u l ne r a b l e voice

“will you be back?”

“i don’t know”

mark tries to ignore the heartbroken expression on donghyuck’s face while he’s driving home that night

the next morning at work mark feels miserable

mainly because it’s a monday but also bc of donghyuck

he’s just so conflicted and he doesnt know what to do

when he’s on his break and passes by taeil’s office, he hears taeil talking to one of his co-workers nakamoto yuta, a guy who transferred to the company a few months before mark joined

they’re talking about the house and most importantly they��re talking about mark

“boss just give me the house i’ll do it - i’ve already got a couple people i know who would be willing it purchase it despite the current situation”

“yuta you very well know this is mark’s-”

“boss it’s been over a month now and he’s scared off all his clients. please?”

there’s a pause before he hears a “alright. i’ll talk to mark tomorrow”

mark just p a n i c s because all he can think about is donghyuck

that night mark drives back to donghyuck’s place and the door is already open for him

“you came back” donghyuck sounds breathless - like he just ran down from the loft

- mark sees sparkles in his eyes and his stomach does a backflip

“i came back” he repeats, the smile on his face growing

when he’s later sat down on donghyuck’s bed, eating the leftovers from the dinner donghyuck’s just made, mark explains his work situation to him

the younger boy nods, trying desperately not to let the sadness show on his face but fails

“hey” mark says, bringing a hand to the younger’s cheek

it’s weird but neither of them say anything

donghyuck thinks mark has the softest!! hands

“i won’t let them sell it” he says in the s o f t e s t voice and donghyuck wants to melt

instead he just scoffs and shrugs mark’s hand away

“if anything, i won’t let them sell it” he says and mark laughs

deep down they both know it’s not selling the house that’s the issue at hand; it’s mark not having an excuse to keep coming back

the atmosphere is weird and tense when mark leaves that evening

donghyuck walks him down to the door again and mark has the urge to hold has hand and tell him it’ll b ok

just as mark’s about to get into his car donghyuck calls for him

when mark turns around donghyuck is suddenly !! in his arms!! and wow! soft and warm donghyuck!!

about a hundred alarm bells go off in mark’s head and his heart is POUNDING but all he does is bring his arms around the younger boy and tighten the hug

when mark arrives at his own place he thinks that donghyuck doesn’t just sound like honey, but smells sweet like it too

he decides honey is his favorite smell

the next day at work mark isn’t surprised when yuta greets him enthusiastically in the morning

he also isn’t surprised when both he and yuta are called into taeil’s office

mark has to act fast - he can’t let yuta take this from him

he’s been up all night thinking about this, thinking about donghyuck

so when taeil’s about to speak up, mark cuts him off:

“boss i want to purchase the property for myself”

both taeil and yuta’s jaws drop and he’s pretty sure he hears jaehyun gasp from outside the door - the office wasn’t exactly a large place

“you want to do what”

“yes. i’ve thought this through and yeah. as a customer, i want to buy it. i’ve already spent so much time at it it practically already feels like home” donghyuck feels like home

“i’ve already thought about selling my place for a while now anyway - and i don’t think anyone else would be more willing to buy this house more than i am”

taeil and yuta stay silent

eventually taeil agrees but hands over the property to yuta to sell to mark

when they all come to a deal or whatever mark is dragged aside by jaehyun

“is this why you spent so long there? you wanted it for yourself?” poor bb he is so confused

mark just smiles and nods “yeah, guess i did”

mark doesn’t return to the house for another few days - he’s gotta tell his parents about his abrupt decision to sell his place and purchase a new one

since he lives in a different town from his parents, they offer to come with his younger brother jisung to help with the move out - he tells them its ok and that he has lots of helping hands here and he’ll call them over when he’s settled in

mark heads to the house towards the end of the week, the contract behind his back as he unlocks the door with his keys

“hey spirit - come out wherever you are!” he calls out playfully

to his surprise donghyuck’s already on his way down - trying not to smile at the sight of the man in front of him

“mark lee”

“donghyuck” he says, unable to contain his excitement as he holds up the paper in front of the younger

donghyuck squints at it, confused for a moment before his eyes widen

“YOU DID WHAT?????////”

“i bought this house!”

donghyuck doesn’t know whether he should laugh or cry

“what the hell you just bought my house?!”

mark’s slightly confused bc he thought donghyuck would be happy

donghyuck looks like he’s abt to burst into tears and mark the awkward turtle starts panicking again

“i - i thought it would be better than a random person buying it??”

“nO because a random person would never buy this house for as long as im alive and now yOU just came out of nowhere and TOOK POSSESSION OF IT??!?!?”

donghyuck’s a lil mad bc he feels like the house is all he’s got and now its gone and he’s mad at himself for letting his guard down in front of mark and getting so attached to mark and falling for mark and he doesn’t even realise he’s saying this all aloud until mark stares at him with wide eyes

“you what?”

silence

“you do realise not saying anything won’t work anymore since i can actually see you now, right?”

silence

“donghyuck”

there’s a quiet mumble “sowhatifilikeyou”

mark feels like he’s about to comBUST

donghyuck’s face is literally the color of a tomato and he just shrinks and he’s so cute mark wants to kiss him

so he does

donghyuck’s lips taste like the warmth of the summer, the confused and nervousness of their feelings, but most importantly they taste sweet - just like honey, just like donghyuck

when mark parts from the kiss first, donghyuck’s fingers curl softly into the material of his shirt, he presses his forehead against the younger’s

“i’m sorry i did this all without telling you - i just. i did what i felt was right. this feels right, donghyuck. being with you feels right.” mark’s just so nERVOUS and half of what he says comes out so shaky until donghyuck responds quietly

“i want to be with you”

mark wants to pass out

this time however, he doesn’t

anyways~~

time skip a couple of weeks

donghyuck moves out from the loft and they settle into the house properly

after much insistence donghyuck removes the cameras from around the house except for the exterior and they turn one of the spare bedrooms into a little study for donghyuck where he can do his “illegal business”

mark suggests him getting out a bit more and donghyuck reluctantly agrees

mark takes donghyuck out on dates to the movie theatre and out for breakfast

donghyuck is so nervous in public and is practically glued to mark’s side the whole time it’s adorable

they’re both living so d om e s t i ca l ly its sickening

at mark’s housewarming he tells his family and friends that he met donghyuck through tinder

jaehyun doesn’t believe him bc donghyuck’s voice sounds so familiar but he doesn’t know where from - he chooses to drop it though bc the couple in front of him look so happy so he goes to bother sicheng

“hey loser” donghyuck walks out from his study room one sunday afternoon when mark’s on the couch watching tv

“yeah??” mark lowers the volume

“cough up your rent for the month - we gotta pay the water bill cause your fatass won’t stop showering every two minutes”

mark almost chokes on his spit

“me?”

donghyuck nods, flopping down to take a seat beside him

“idk if you’ve noticed but im the owner of this house if anything you should be coughing up rent”

donghyuck snorts “owner in name. we all know who this house rly belongs to”

mark gives him the stink eye “listen you little shi-mph”

before he can begin his string of insults donghyuck’s already climbed onto his lap and his lips are on mark’s

and they live happily ever after !!!!

#markhyuck #mark #haechan #donghyuck #nct #nct dream #nct 127 #fluff #au #markhyuck au #otp cries #taeil the boss #jaehyun and winwin the cutest co-workers #johnten #but only minor #headcanon

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briteboy · 7 years

Photo

MORE ASKS I’VE BEEN IGNORING!!!!!!!

GET ‘EM WHILE THEY’RE HOT

P.S. ALL OF U WHO SENT ME THE CHAIN THINGY ILYSOMUCH

Why is her step-douche such a foken piece of shit? omg i hate him

some mysteries are never meant to be explained tbh. why is he so ugly and evil? who wronged him? but also who cares he’s in jail forever now good riddance ugly

I know this is probably really bad, but after I saw the newest molly posts, I thought of that video where the little girl is yelling "MISS KEISHA, MISS KEISHA, oh my fukin gosh she fukin dead"

OMFGFD I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THAT VIDEO WAS SO I JUST WATCHED IT AND I’M LAUGHIN

i don’t blame u i bet when it happens i’m gonna be like “u know she ded”

(To the previous anon) i agree with you so, so much! In Poland, these dumbass politicians are letting shooting pregnant bisons (?? Im not sure how they're called) become legal. Like BITCH WHAT. Can you imagine??? A fucking pregnant lil' cow getting shot????? I feel Molly's pain on an emotional level rn (sorry if this is too nsfw, just needed to get that outta my system...)

i think this was in response to someone saying that hurting pregnant women is one of the worst crimes but um WTF shooting animals at all makes me itchy but pregnant ones..............nah that’s......nah

it’s ok get it outta ur system i’m here 4 u

the first thing I check in the morning is your account.... you have me whipped! ;|

OMG WHA LMAO REALLY that’s wild. i feel like i’m the only one who looks at my page which is dumb but like idk i still feel like a little kid that no one cares about lmao. but then you guys exist and amaze me with your responsiveness every day and i just ;____________; ily all

hi Sunny. first of all i'm gonna say i love your story and your editing style so much! your blog is goals like literally. i need an advice if you don't mind. you always find such amazing angles for your pictures while mine are so boring. any tips or tricks you can share?

HI thank you so much ;-; sooooo i’ve been thinking about this question the past couple of times i went in game, trying to figure out how to describe how i take pictures. for one thing i live in tab mode lmao. meaning you press the tab button on your keyboard to go into camera mode and get all these sexy angles and super zoom and stufffff. i almost always zoom in super far idk why. so there’s one tip. i honestly just play around with going up and down with the q and e keys (i think?) until i find angles i like. i take a lottttt of pictures with so many different angles just so i have a lot to choose from. basically i try to focus on different things in each picture in order to get a mix of the most diverse and dynamic shots possible. you just need to experiment and get creative. i know that’s the most vague advice ever but really just try a new angle that you’ve never considered before and i bet you’ll get cool results. an interesting setting is also the biggest factor, because certain objects and their placements will give you interesting results.

i honestly want to print out your reaction pic to that one post and just hang it on my wall, put it in my heart locket necklace, stamp it on people's faces, start an email thread with it. i love it.

an add on to the last ask i sent about your reaction pic. i've been looking at it religiously since it was posted, and i dont regret a minute of it. LMAO I'LL STOP NOW.

SAKJDLJKGKSDAF STOPPPP LMAOOO i looked so ugly but that was my pure unadulterated reaction to that question and i trust you all to not judge my ugliness and instead share this reaction with me. i’m glad u liked it that much, i just printed it out and i’m cutting it into a small heart to put inside ur locket ok

everytime i hear cigarette daydreams by cage the elephant i think of a serious case of the novembers like its so fitting and then i get all emo when i listen to it lmao rip

OMMMMGGGGGGG YESSSSS how have i never made that connection before honestly. cage the elephant is one of my faves and i’ve seen them perform twice actually!! i’m watching the music vid for that song now and even that reminds me of my story ;-; i cry

thank you for sending this, and also i cry @ the fact that you used the actual title *dies* now this song is gonna make me emo til the end of time thx

i might sound like some crazy stalker fan but i just want to say you are so freakin awesome and nice and funny and cute and (i can go on forever) so caring! i love your blog so much and all the hard work and care you put into all your posts and followers. thanks for making my day and making me smile so much. you have no clue how much i look forward to seeing your posts and your hilarious hashtags and answers from asks and AMAZING story posts. im sorry i just wanted to let you know ur awesome ily

OFMG WHAT!!!!!! I AM ONLY AN EEL!!!!!! but no you don’t sound like a crazy stalker, i actually love this, you’re too sweet, thank you ;-; i’m just blushin so much reading this omg. YOU EVEN LIKE MY TAGS WOW that’s true love. ily ;-; <333

how do you get your sims' facial expressions to line up with your scenes? I feel like my sims' faces are never right :(

tbh i just use a lot of the same neutral poses...my go-to’s are @helgatisha‘s poses lol. they’re the easiest to work with when i do just plain talking scenes, and often i tweak my sims’ eyebrows and mouths with the liquify tool if i want them to look a bit more concerned, sad, mad, happy, etc., it works like a charm!! i also tend to play around with angles, you’d be surprised how much a different angle can enhance a scene.

Hey smol bean, I'm sent you an ask and now I feel bad that it probably made you feel anxious because you didn't answer it. It was the one about you not liking my posts, I have anxiety too so I'm sorry If I made you feel sad. I think I'm just looking for validation from people I look upto you get me? Anyway sorry again, don't worry about it! Love you!

hiya bb, i know you saw my answer to your original post (and i’m sorry it got some negative attention, i didn’t mean for that to happen by any means) anyway don’t sweat it, and i really appreciate this follow-up message. you didn’t make me feel sad, i just wanna know what i can do. it’s just a hard question y’know. i understand what you mean, i think everyone wants validation to some degree. tbh you can just come off anon and message me, i promise it’s not as nerve-wracking as it seems! ily

How did you make Santi's tattoos? I want some like that for my Sims but idk how to do it

boop

I HAVE A FEELING THAT MOLLY IS GOING TO DIE DURING THE BIRTH OF THE BEAN OR IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH HER STEPFATHER FINDING OUT ABOUT THE BEAN

WELP U WERE RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING

how did you make your characters page on your blog like that?

uoohhh like what?? i used this theme (monolog) if that’s what you mean aheh. here’s a guide on how to use custom page themes

okay so THIS IS MY THEORY: they might keep the baby and molly might actually carry it to full term, but then the kid dies in childbirth and either molly also dies or maybe kills herself or gets killed later? or maybe she's still alive but just won't speak to santi anymore cause she like can't look him in the eye after all of that or idk?? since ppl were sending theories i wanted to add mine lmao. another possible theory is that the stepdad finds out and kills her but thats TOO DARK omg

TOO DARK U SAY...WELL!!! it’s not AS dark as you guessed but only marginally

If Molly turns out to be alive and raising their kid alone (though from what I'm seeing in response to most questions I think that may not be the route) am I allowed to slap Santi (unless Molly didn't give him the option to help) because raising a child alone is not easy I've watched my mom do it for years.

YEAH i would give you permission to slap him lmao he would be a grade A piece o’ shit if that were the case. i would never ever write that tho because santi does own up to his actions if they’re that detrimental. his altruistic nature, no matter how backwards, would never allow him to do that.

There will be complication with the abortion so she will not be able to carry a baby anymore and she's going to kill herself OR her step dad is going to find out and he'll beat her to death. And in both situation Santi his blaming himself because he wasn't there at the right time... Okay I really really hope I'm wrong now !

I don't even follow your story very closely but every time I see your posts my heart hurts.

OMFG...that’s how u know the pain is real

but like wow my stuff is really so visceral that even my apathetic followers can feel the hurt...that’s real...that’s real my guy

omg!! you should 100% play or at least watch a playthrough of life is strange! legit the best game ever made, its so beautiful. the storyline kills you a thousand times over (much like your beautiful story) <3333

yaaaa i’ve heard lots of good things about it!! my bf played it actually, maybe he’ll revisit it again someday and i’ll watch him do it (i’m only a fan of video games if i can watch them like a movie lmao) thank you btw <3

I am shook and I worship you and your story and you are amazing WOW BYE

WORSHIP LMAO WHAT!!! PLS I AM UNDESERVING...ily tho don’t worship false gods

Do you let Molly and the younger versions of your characters frolic around your main save or do they have a separate one?

UM YES LMAO because i didn’t even know you could have separate saves until after i started the flashbacks lmao i’m...a noob. i don’t want separate saves anyway because 1) it’s too much of a hassle switching back and forth and 2) it gets too confusing for me and i’d be afraid of overwriting one save with another and NOPE too much anxiety for that soooo yeah there’s three santis in my game: child, teen and adult lmfao (fun fact: teen santi’s name is literally just Lil Santi)

I made it to my senior year with 6 A's and 1 B ... Be proud of me too? 😂 Lmao I told this to people and some of them were just like .. okay cool?! LMAO it's so funny but also kinda sad

I AM PROUD OF YOU TOO!!!!!!!!! my smart childrens

“okay cool” UM PLEASE that’s a feat...at my school if you got an A in a class in senior year you were allowed to be exempt from the final. so yeah that rules. ily

#nonsims #saviorhide #anonymous #THEY ARE DONE #FINALLY #EXCEPT WCIFS LOL DON'T...don't hate me #i try

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home-working · 5 years

Text

Powerlunching with Mary Dauterman

I’d normally avoid posting two interviews in a row, but honestly my life is a bore, and this one’s been burning a hole in my e-pocket for over a month, so why not!? Happy March, y’all!

I met Mary when my friend Jackie invited us to a friendly lady dinner because we all had a background in advertising, and when Jackie moved away, Mary and I kept hanging out due to us both being art director-types that like graphic novels and are into doing funny projects. Mary has great glasses and is both younger than me and has some legit awards/recognitions under her belt (Young Guns, anyone?), so if she wasn’t so damn nice and creative, I would probably have to claw her face off (because women can’t be happy for each other’s successes, of course). Every once in a while we meet up to work from home together, brainstorm ideas, or just hang out; a little while ago we met for lunch at baba cool to do just that!

(This is also the first interview I’ve done in person instead of via emailed questions, so like, please bask in its authenticity and the novel way I can ask follow-up questions.)

What’s your full name? My full name is Mary Margaret Dauterman.

And where are you from originally? I’m from Dallas, Texas.

What do you do for a living? I’m a freelance art director and director, and I do lots of crafts and stuff I guess.

Where did you go to school? I went to University of Texas, it was in-state tuition, and I have no loans, so that’s great.

What’s in-state tuition? Because I’m from Texas, it was super cheap. But it was a pretty good school, and I got to live in Austin, and I love Austin. I was majoring in straight-up advertising, but in year 2 I found out there was a creative sequence you could apply to, so I got into that program and we made fake ads for 2 years, so I had a fake ad portfolio to get other jobs. That’s a thing only University of Texas has that was purely lucky.

Do you have a bachelor? Yeah, I have a BS.

HAHAHA… so advertising is sciences? I took so much biology and I thought I had every dramatic disease cause that’s all I was learning. I was like, I definitely have Marfan syndrome. It’s tall people who are near-sighted and have very long limbs and oversized hearts and a lot of them drop dead in their early 30s. The case study was this woman named Flo Hyman who was a volleyball player, and they think Abraham Lincoln had it, too.

Marfan syndrome!

I know you’ve done a lot of non-client side projects, can you tell me about them? I do so much non-client work. I just made a video about an influencer who shits her pants. I have written and illustrated two books. I made a tortilla towel a few years ago. I guess I made more web-based stuff at first; I made an awards show for gifs when I lived in California.

Do you code? No, not at all. That one, I had the idea at work and so there was a web developer who made it with my photoshop files. I’ve made a few tiny sites that I’ve made [my boyfriend] Kirill code, like yulebra.com. It’s just like a yule log, but a bra was burnt.

How do you find the time to do self-directed projects in between client work? I guess now I’m trying to figure out the best way to do it. Now I’m really excited when I have downtime in between clients, when before I used to be mad stressed [about money]; you just don’t know what’s going to happen. And then if you’re making an expensive project you’re like, I need money for my project. But now I’m psyched about my downtime cause I can focus on my weird shit. If I get obsessive about an idea I just want to work on it all the time, just literally squeezing it in any time I don’t have to respond to other stuff. I’m a big old dork and I like working.

How do you negotiate work or rates as a woman? The best thing is to keep it all in email, which I’ve actually been told not to do, but you can be as emotionless as possible and just send the info without making it about the fact that you’re a woman. Give yourself an hour to respond so you can think about it before you send something. Every time I send something out of anxiety it’s bad. Be a slower emailer!

So you work from home a lot of the time. I know you were in agencies before, so how did you make the transition? My first freelance gig was in Portland, and every time they’ve hired me since they ask if I can come out there. Sometimes I’m like, “Sure”, and other times I’m like, “I don’t want to come live there for 3 months again, that was intense, and my life is in New York”. So for them I work remotely a lot. And then a couple of places here, I’ve said, “Hey if we don’t have meetings, I can just work from home”, and they’re cool with it. The best way to do it is to have a client that is nowhere near you so there’s no way to go into an office.

How do you find clients? Do they come to you? Mostly the places I freelance for had recruiters that reached out to me asking for me to become full time and I said, "No, but I will freelance for you”. So that’s how it’s happened a lot. Sometimes, since I’ve worked at so many big agencies, all the people I’ve met there have dispersed and will sometimes reach out or I’ll bug them and find gigs.

What would your dream job be? I think in terms of lifestyle, I like my [current] lifestyle, it’s great. Project-wise, I’m wanting to do more short films, so I’m planning on that. But it would be such a dream if someone else paid for that, not me.

I’m pretty certain I want to focus on directing but the aesthetics of things are still very important [to me], that’s part of why I like [self-producing projects], cause it’s all that stuff at once. I’m thinking I want to be directing commercials and then getting to do passion projects with that funding, but if there was no financial concern, it would be cool to just be directing movies… but that’s like, NOT REAL, haha.

But probably [my dream job is] no real job. Just lots of things at once.

In regards to working at home, what do you find yourself wearing? Well I only have one pair of sweatpants. I’m looking for recommendations for a second.

I was in UNIQLO recently and I’m considering getting a pair. I know we’re both kind of tall, and you’re taller than me, but I have a hard time finding sweatpants that are long enough. Long sweatpants are important. I bought some online and they had a drop crotch and I’m like, this isn’t going to work, even if no one’s ever going to see me. Just, no.

I also hate the ones that are low-rise. I need a high-rise on my sweatpants! You want to be cozy!

Do you wear them everyday? Lately, embarrassingly yes; sometimes leggings, sometimes I will put on comfy jeans. My boyfriend was making fun of me because sometimes I will get dressed from the waist up because I have video calls, but sometimes it’s literally the t-shirt I slept in the night before and then I’ll put on pants.

What’s your favourite thing to eat when you’re working from home? I’ve basically been trying to recreate sweetgreen bowls. I’ve been doing lots of stir fried veggies and grains and stuff, which would be $15 if I weren’t at home.

What’s the most shameful thing you eat? I eat handfuls of chocolate chips a lot. I went through a phase where I was just making myself a giant grilled cheese every single day, and then I was like, Why do I feel horrible?! It’s so delicious! Actually no, I take that back; the most shameful thing is when I just Seamless something to my house when I have plenty of time to cook.

How does your boyfriend like living with someone who works from home? Recently I was bragging to someone about how I was really clean, and [my boyfriend] was like, “Uh NO, sometimes I come home from work and wonder, what the hell happened in here?!” If I’m intensely in a project I will still cook myself lunch and then just leave everything out, which is gross.

I get that, you don’t want to spend your precious time cleaning. You’re like, Huuuhhhh I have a deadline!!

What do you listen to when you work? Sometimes I watch movies when I’m working if it’s something mindless. I listen to podcasts and recently I’ve been listening to lots of classical music but it kind of makes me feel like I’m a serial killer plotting a murder.

How do you practice self-care* and work/life balance? Well I just came from the gym. I have 2 gym classes I really like going to but I can only go to them if I’m working from home because they’re at 10am on weekdays. And I’m like, who are all the other people in here?! They’re packed classes!

I think a lot of people either work in the service industry at night, or they’re like us, or maybe they’re housewives? I think at the Park Slope location, all housewives. And there’s always one 40-50yr old guy in this one pilates class I take and I decided he just sold a bajillion dollar company, that’s his deal. Although he would probably go to Equinox if that’s his story, not Crunch. So I dunno what he does.

Do you have any weird skills or talents I don’t know about? I should be talented but I’m not. I took piano until I was 18 but I am not good at it.

Anything else you want to plug while you’re here? I recommend getting a cat while you work from home. It makes you feel less alone, even if they’re passed out asleep. [My cats are] Lemon, from Liz Lemon, and Bobby, after Bobby Hill. Lemon loves conference calls and she comes running and sits on my lap during them which is really nice.

Mary with Bobby, last August

Are there any tv shows or books you're really into right now?* Ooh ok I JUST binged all of Russian Doll in one day and I'm pretty sure I loved it. I'm also always re-watching old eps of King of the Hill and X-Files. I'm currently reading The Road Through the Wall by Shirley Jackson. I'm really into the graphic novel Beverly and got Sabrina by Nick Drnaso (your suggestion!). It was DARK and sad and good.

What are you wearing? I’m wearing a sweatshirt that is red, a shirt that I sleep in a lot, and leggings that I think are my mom’s, and some Nikes, and a coat. I’m *so* glad this is my outfit for our interview, but it’s pretty accurate.

*Shoutout to Chanice Hughes-Greenberg and her inspiring bi-monthly interview newsletter Who Is She, who I blatantly stole these great questions from. Subscribe!

#cats #tortilla towel #advertising #chocolate chips #art director #marfan syndrome #sweatpants

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survivor-hosts · 7 years

Text

Ep. #2: “One Woman Hall of Fun House Mirrors” - Drew

The tribes were given the music video immunity challenge. Jinsei planned out a story to go with their song and what each person will do whereas Naicha didnt seem to care much. Jinsei obviously won. After the results, a plan was made by Jessy and Drew to blindside MJ while MJ was trying to convince Jessy to blindside Drew. Meanwhile, Regan being uber paranoid and started freaking out in the tribe chat and telling people she is going to vote for them and making up fake advantages. This lead everyone to change their votes to take out Regan as she was too much of a liability. Jessy still voted for MJ even though she knew Regan was going.

update: im here but rip to my perfect game cause catherine randomized her vote

Cat: I don’t use sugar she’s cursed I’m using Christy I won with her also cat: gets voted out first I’m disappointed to see cat go first. I was really excited to play a game with her for the first time ever and I just wish there was something I could have done to help her.

Can’t wait to be second boot

[2:30:43 PM] Austin Trevino: Ok!! I’m trying to scroll back right now and catch myself up but Skype isn’t showing like half of the messages for some reason. Did we decide on an idea? [2:31:13 PM] Sam: we’re doing something LGBT+ related since it’s pride month omg the trumpie is shaking

[2017-06-12 4:08:53 AM] Jessy: this is actually crazy [2017-06-12 4:08:58 AM] Jessy: IS NO ONE GONNA DO ANYTHING?????????????????????????? [2017-06-12 4:08:59 AM] Jessy: BKLMASDFKLMASFKLMDFKLSDAFMS [2017-06-12 4:08:59 AM] Jessy: LIKE [2017-06-12 4:09:01 AM] Jessy: KLJSKLJSSKLMSKLMSKMLSKM [2017-06-12 4:09:19 AM] Jessy: THERES LEGIT GONNA BE NO VIDEO [2017-06-12 4:09:19 AM] Jessy: SLKJSLKJSKLJS [2017-06-12 4:09:22 AM] Jessy: BC THESE PPL ARE SO LAZY [2017-06-12 4:09:26 AM] Jessy: OR THEYRE JUST THROWING [2017-06-12 4:09:27 AM] Jessy: BKLMSADFLKDS [2017-06-12 4:10:51 AM] Jessy: LEGIT ITS LIKE [2017-06-12 4:10:53 AM] Jessy: SICKENING FOR ME [2017-06-12 4:10:54 AM] Jessy: TO DO NOTHING [2017-06-12 4:10:56 AM] Jessy: KLBMASKLDMDFSAMKL [2017-06-12 4:10:59 AM] Jessy: I WANNA YELL AT EVERYONE AND JUST GET TO WORK [2017-06-12 4:11:01 AM] Jessy: ME: U DO THIS! [2017-06-12 4:11:04 AM] Jessy: ME: GET THIS PROP! [2017-06-12 4:13:47 AM] Jessy: ugh it makes me mad [2017-06-12 4:13:48 AM] Jessy: KLBMASDFKDSMA [2017-06-12 7:59:26 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

For me, this season is about Redemption. I just learned that Connah is looking to break his pre-merge curse he’s adapted to over the past few seasons played, so instantly I need to jump on that connection and form some sort of understanding between us in order to prevent him from going after me. I feel like this creates a whole lot of trust, and when the time comes where I’ll need it most I’ll be damn sure to use my allies to my advantage in securing votes. The thing with Connah is that he’s viewed as our tribe’s local Inactive. The time zone thing really does hurt his game because of my tribe consisting of sleepy old schoolers. Me, the insomniac that I am, can use this to my advantage by being Connah’s go-to for info and reliance. The problem for me though is looking back to Bhutan, where the last time I trusted someone in a different country voted me out @F5… *eyes Max*

It’s Day 4. 4 days since the game started and I’m not in game-mode yet. It’s probably because it’s been a long time since I played a main but even then, in Generations I wasn’t in game-mode at all. I may be too comfortable or I’m not on guard but I haven’t had that “spark” yet. I have no alliances yet, I’ve talked game to no one. Is this new schools Tumblr Survivor? Things are just…slow? Now I’m not sure if everyone is just feeling things out or I’m already in the minority but I just feels so detached from the game. Catherine has been voted out FIRST and that should give me motivation to do better but I didn’t feel anything. I think what made me feel so detached in games is that in the past year, I’ve played two orgs on Facebook. I didn’t mesh well with people there at all and basically became emotionless and indifferent. That in turn led me into FTC and Final 4 respectively. I’m trying to do the same thing and I thought this is Tumblr where my ORG life started I should have connections or know everyone, should be hard but it actually isn’t. People usually label me as a non-threat until late into the game but I have to be careful because I have friends on my tribe and the other tribe but if I can somehow manage to convince everyone I’m not a threat and will be helpful to them I could pull this off for the third time and make it to FTC. That’s my game plan. As for my relationships in this tribe, I’m friends with Connor for about a year. It’s almost common knowledge since we hosted 4 games together but in the event that people don’t we’re both trying to be distant to one another in the tribe chat. The next person I’m closest to (minus Connor ofc) is probably Jessy but we haven’t talked game yet. I’m still kinda feeling things out. I don’t know how to end this confessional PS I have 4 outdated video confessionals because I can’t upload them BECAUSE NO INTERNET !!! FUTURE JOSH REMEMBER THIS MOMENT AFTER THE GAME IS OVER AND HOW YOU FELT THIS CLOSE TO SUING THE INTERNET COMPANY

Catherine deserves all the good things in the world by the way. She’s an angel. Please let the Phoenix Idol be the Arabia twist.

Okay but in all seriousness, can I tell you how scary it was to see my name come up last night… like Catherine made no effort to communicate with anyone so she can’t say “no ones talking to me” when she doesn’t do the same. Communication is a two way street, you get what you put into any conversation. Idk I just find her to be very hypocritical and don’t really feel bad that she was the first boot. I really want to push for a David/Andrew/Myself alliance, but for the moment I am worried that David and Sam are close and he would spill the beans. I feel like Sam is pretty well rounded in this tribe and that kinda worries me, but I can’t do anything about it so early you know?? But I think I have something solid with Andrew, I feel like Austin trusts me, and I have the Amulet of Abduction in my possession. If things go south, I think I have the tools needed to reverse the car and drive north. Now thinking about it, maybe Catherine voting me out was a good thing because the other tribe could possibly think I’m in the minority and save me for the next round. Who knows honestly, but one could hope. I really have no idea what could happen and I think my paranoia at that tribal during the live call has people questioning me. However, I did contribute a lot to this challenge and I think that puts me in good graces. I suggested the LGBT theme in celebration of Pride Month, which got us going somewhere with our video. I really hope we win mainly because I think our challenge idea is so cute, and if the judges don’t see that then they got something wrong with them. Heres to hoping we win this challenge so I have one peaceful night of sleep

omg austin writing #lovetrumpshate on his sign… me: *blurs it out in the video* i hate that i have to be on a tribe with a trumpie… i just hate it so much… it sucks that i actually get along with him? godt

me when we win this music video challenge

so yeah if we don’t win this challenge it’s plain homophobia

So basically the last vote was super easy except our tribe literally doesnt talk….Sam and I had to get the ball rolling which is weird for me because I never take part in that but I guess im like the leader of the tribe or something (Not really) Im really good with Sam like I think we are going to be a solid 2 going into a swap. Im good with Andrew and Lydia and Austin as well. Sam and I want to get an alliance chat of those people + Scott going so that we can have majority and no one feels left out and we can vote out Connor if needed. The music video we will hopefully and and then I wont have to worry about getting 15th!

[13/06/2017, 10:21:03 AM] Josh: I can talk when I get to my desk! I’m driving atm [13/06/2017, 10:23:14 AM] Regan: Okay thanks lmk [13/06/2017, 10:37:35 AM] Regan: you drive slow

A plan to blindside Drew has been made but I’m not sure if it wise. On one side, Drew is a huge threat and he’s on everyone’s good side, but if we’re swapping tomorrow it’s not ideal to have a broken tribe. Only me, Jessy, MJ and Regan know about this and it’s enough to send Drew home but that would leave Connor and Allison out of the loop. I’m more concerned about burning the bridge I have with Connor that’s why I’m gonna try and pull off a unanimous vote. Or at least a 5-2 vote. I need Connor’s trust and more importantly it’s only the first tribal we’re going and I’m already hiding things from Connor. I’m at a dilemma. My vote seems to be the deciding factor if we keep Regan or not. We still have a lot of time to think about the vote and I think it’s better to have a full on discussion together with MJ and Jessy and see what we’re gonna do. For right now I’m gonna feel out Connor and see what he thinks of possibly blindsiding Drew.

So we won the challenge and we did that, the judges just knew not to be homophobic. But honesty the other tribes vid was not that good so we had this shit down. I think Regan is going and thank god because apparently she was trying to kidnap me and im like please get out before you ruin me thanks. I love Matt Summers so much also because we had a little tea session and it was juicy. he told me about the Regan stuff and I told him about why we voted out Cat seaux I hope if theres a swap we are good

Oh okay the game’s starting now huh. I’m sorry in advance, dear readers, this is gonna be lengthy as fuck, I really should’ve done a Meet the People confessional the first week but I got lazy so here we are! So first and foremost, I’d like to personally thank Steffen for messaging me after immunity results like WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT MUSIC VIDEO because we know, babe. We know. Dramatic little fuck, ilysm. ANYWAY my ass is making some interesting mistakes! We’re gonna break this lil confessional section into three segments because it’s how I’m processing my thoughts: All Stars, Congo, and Pacific Islands. 1. When I first walked into this tribe, my first thought was “OH look, three All Stars kids! Well that can’t happen!” and then they turn out to be…….the only…….people…………I talk to???????? dkjlshlkfjhgKJHFLKJSHD kill me now honestly. So now this is the crew I’m accidentally rolling with for at least this first vote. MJ gave me a call on like night two like “I wanna work with you until the end, I think we could go really really far together and it’s not something people would see coming” and I’m like WHEW this probably means I’m not first boot huh. Like okay if by some miracle or twist of fate, I’m actually capable of making FTC here, I’m not going with no damn MJ, but realistically who says no to an F2? Jessy is a fucking angel, and the only person who will semi-reliably reach out and just say hey, which I’m not sure I’ve ever done with her. Actually, because this is reminding me, I’m gonna go do that right now! … kk now that that’s done. She’s a sweetheart, I don’t ever want to do anything against her or without her. Like I will if I have to, don’t you worry about that, but it would hurt. And then Matt Summers who I’ve talked to like twice since the season started because he’s always busy but like they were real conversations, it wasn’t even anything game-related, we like poured our hearts out to each other. And now he’s been kidnapped so he’s not on the table anyway. But like honestly truthfully, these All Star kids are the good eggs of the beach, I could actually see working with them for a while (cut to Connor and Josh and Allison’s confessionals saying the same thing because they’ve gotten the same calls and the same messages and I’m actually just that easy to manipulate). 2. Okay, Congo. Congo is a side season I won a million years ago. Hosted by Connor, Josh, and Cat. So when they all popped up here, two of them on my tribe, best believe I was SCREAMING. And it was cute until I realized the main season history that Cat and Josh had and how that wouldn’t last. And sure enough, Miss Cat was the first to die and that wasn’t completely unexpected but damn why these bitches have to take my secret pair beware??? We literally saw Moana together in theaters, I’d have thrown away my entire game for her. But this boot is probably a better case scenario because now fewer people are looking at Josh and Connor, they lost their footing on the other tribe and are just in general softer more passive people, at least outwardly. Everyone knows they’re connected, Josh hosted Connor in Palawan and they did Arabia together, but I don’t know that I’m exactly linked with them, which is great right now because if we can manage to work together on a lower radar for a while, it could end up being very very helpful in getting things together moving forward in new tribe configurations. 3. Oh Pacific Islands…….a mess. This is Regan and Allison. Allison is an interesting case because on the one hand I love her, she’s one of my favorite hosts, I’ve been hosted by her in three Pacific Islands games before, she’s a lot of fun. But she knows how I play these days. She and Andrew actually did a cast assessment for PI Johto, which was Heroes vs Villains, and some of the things they said were spot-on but not things I want out. Allison talks about how she wishes I’d been cast on the villains tribe because I’m like secretly cutthroat as fuck, willing to stab literally anyone in the back, may not be seen as a villain but has very villainous characteristics. And Andrew is like Drew is super hard to read, you can have an image in your head of Drew’s game and who he’s aligned with and you could be completely wrong and then suddenly you’re the one working with him and making moves, but it’s never shady. And like true but fuck. So like Allison knowing this much about my game, having hosted me through to the finale episode three times, seen me win one and get player of the season once, is a bit of a scary concept because I’m LIVING for the fact that I’m mostly an unknown entity to these people, like MJ and Matt might know bits of my record and stories from Kait or being in VLs or whatever but so few of them have seen me play and I’m ready to not be nearly as known. And then Regan is just being……..whew. Imagine messaging everyone 20 seconds after the challenge ended, like actually everyone, schedule calls with them, literally tell someone on call that you’re leaving to go talk to someone else instead, frantically messaging the tribe chat like “I know I’m the easy choice” “I just want to beat my best placement” like babe we all do, this is a returning season and only two of these flops have won, we’re all hungry to at least better ourselves. She’s been rubbing people the wrong way, especially Connor and MJ. I don’t think anyone except Allison would lift a finger to save her. BUT HERE’S THE THING, THEY MIGHT NOT HAVE TO. Regan. Got. A. Vote. Stealer. From the idol map. Which is apparently a thing! So in this tribe of seven, literally all she needs to stay is me and Allison and her vote stealer. I mean granted, she doesn’t have me and I don’t think she knows that yet, but it’s a nice concept, very cute. Like I’m not going to stick my neck out for her on literally the first vote when if we don’t swap and Matt comes back, everything could quickly fall apart for me. Plus another layer. I have the map now. And Regan is the only one who knows that it’s even a POSSIBILITY that I might. She didn’t EXACTLY tell me so even she might not realize it. She was trying to be vague like “It’s on the blog, it’s super obvious but not something you’d ever think to search for, like what specifically would you be looking for” so I tried board, then grid, then map and BAM. So I make my very first search and find a vote negator!! Oh do I already have big dreams for this little baby This place could be a fucking gold mine for me moving forward, if no one knows that I have it and I never have to expose that I do until it’s time. I was never a captain, I never got a clue, who would look at poor little Drew for any sort of power? Regan, that’s who, who knows if she’d even guess that I did figure it out after all, I never told her I did, but she knows what she told me. Which is why she absolutely has to leave now because she’s the only one who could know. Now I have a way to test the loyalty of whoever becomes captain next, and at least for the moment, of accumulating wealth without anyone knowing. Part of me wants to go for broke and ask Regan what places she’s already searched but I’m not pushing my luck and forcing her to realize that I made it to the map. That’s on her to figure out. I don’t know where I’m going from here, Trevor said it would be beneficial to be on Skype after tribal tonight, which probably means a swap. Which sucks a little because I have a pretty good connection with everyone here right now, I fit into all three of the groups listed above, I think I might actually end up in alliance chats with all three by the time tribal rolls around. But I’ll find new friends if I have to. I’m a lot more confident in my ability since the last time I did a main season, and I’m finally in a season where I can potentially be looked over and befriended as a number and might not have to fight quite as hard to dodge the immediate threat edit. I’m nowhere near the passive player I used to be. Who knows if I’ll win this season, but I was not proud of my performance in Sri Lanka and Bangladesh, so it’s time to have a main season experience I can look back on and say I did that. This vote negator and I are gonna go find some friends and get down to business!

[2017-06-12 5:52:25 PM] Jessy: ughhh [2017-06-12 5:52:28 PM] Jessy: i hate this [2017-06-12 5:52:38 PM] Jessy: keeping regan is better on THIS tribe [2017-06-12 5:52:49 PM] Jessy: but im just giving away three free allies to sam and lydia [2017-06-12 8:06:55 PM] Jessy: I love Regan but like I can totally picture being in trouble with her, Matt and Allison if we were to make this move. Making enemies out of Drew, Josh, Connor and MJ is literally so fucking scary but I don’t want to regret this later on thinking that I should have made the move so that this season wouldn’t end with a winner like Sam, Lydia or MJ. But I also don’t want to be one of those players who only make “big moves” just for the flashiness of it. [2017-06-12 9:47:46 PM] Jessy: okay U know what? [2017-06-12 9:48:00 PM] Jessy: I completely understand the logic Matt implied [2017-06-12 9:48:13 PM] Jessy: but here’s the thing. OPPORTUNITY! [2017-06-12 9:48:35 PM] Jessy: By voting out Regan I’m accepting a position at the bottom of an alliance that not only has numbers on my tribe but the other tribe as well [2017-06-12 9:48:53 PM] Jessy: So yes it does make enemies of the other tribe, but the opportunity I have rn is to take out the person that connects them [2017-06-12 9:48:58 PM] Jessy: the head of the snake. [2017-06-12 9:49:21 PM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: wheres your confessional

Anyways scratch all this bc Regan is targeting me apparently so she’s DONE.

last night lydia and i agreed that we should make a 4 with connor and scott and try to take out austin cause david suggest a 4 between me, austin, him and andrew right before the cat vote but now david is including me, andrew, scoot and lydia in an alliance YIKES G2G!!!!!!

Scratch that it looks like we’re voting Regan again

So the first tribal council was pretty successful aside from the fact that Connor was left out of the loop. But honestly I’m over that. I’ve been talking to him a little more lately and same with Lydia so trying to keep those social connections up! I would give a more extensive recap but essentially the challenge went fine except for a marker fiasco where a new purple marker fresh out the box exploded all over my table…..anyway! Scott and I have been getting closer and he’s really cool tbh. He told me today that I’m his #1 and that he wants to go through everything in this game with me “at his side” and I’m like alrighty! Hope he’s not saying that to anyone else lmao. In terms of other people, David and I have been good and Sam and I have on and off convos - sometimes involving strategy and other times not. Lydia and Connor I’ll talk to here and there but not about strategy. And then there’s the fun Forced Austin Convos™… Okay I ain’t gonna be mean like the conversations I have with him are genuine but also never go anywhere? Like I guess we have each other’s backs which is fine. I’m just waiting for him to really REALLY strike something with me but he doesn’t which I guess is fine because I don’t trust him and therefore wanna vote him out. The big development of the day though was David and I got an alliance going. I basically just cracked open a cold one with the boy and said let’s talk an alliance and before I knew it he was getting Sam I was getting Scott and Sam was getting Lydia. This is also good for me getting close to Lydia btw! Keeping that in mind. Also David wanted Lydia and I wanted Scott but my messages fucked up so we ended up getting both of them? Which is fine… I think. We were going for a 4 person alliance but I’ll work with 5 the best I can. I just needed Scott to be involved. That was a top priority. So now the other tribe’s tribal is tonight and from all the completely expected game related shit Matt has talked on Regan - she’s going home. BUT. This is a main season. Ya never know what wackadoodle-Dan shit is gonna happen.

[1:15:02 AM] Jessy: THIS TRIBE IS SO CRACKEDT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [1:17:00 AM] Jessy: MJ IS SENDING MIXED SIGNALS! [1:17:02 AM] Jessy: LIKE SIS! [7:45:09 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: What’s happening [7:45:13 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Make a confessional

things are… confusing yet also very straight forward. the vote was pretty clean cut on being regan, then things.. well, they happened. regan told drew that she heard her name from mj (mj i think???) and then she was like BUT i heard your name from mj. so drew messaged me like ‘what is the happen’ and i was like, well, i have never heard your name so thats probably not happening. regan told drew that she has a vote stealer and is going to try and take mj’s vote and vote for mj, but frankly the vote steal probably isnt real. i have a good thing going with allison, i like her a lot and i really hope to work with her deep into this game. im hoping to pull together an alliance of myself, josh, mj, drew, and allison and then a counter one? with everyone else. that would leave me in the middle which is where i play games best. im just hoping regan goes. i know she would be an easy shield down the road, but theres just no clear target going into this vote, and especially with her having a vote steal, taking her out with it and seeing if it’s something that exists will be very beneficial in the long run.

So I really am happy that we ended up winning the immunity challenge. Beforehand I was so scared cause we lost the first immunity and I didn’t want to go back to tribal after receiving a vote at the last one. Plus I don’t know who they would have kidnapped which really scared me. Lydia and I also discussed who we should end up kidnapping outside of the tribe. She was really worried about her relationship with Matt Summers and their previous game history, so she felt it was best to kidnap him. I personally didn’t give a fuck so I just went with it. Even though if we kidnapped Regan, it would have easily changed their tribe dynamic since Matt confirmed that she was an easy vote. I kinda wish he would have like actually given info on the dynamics so I could know who to abduct if we end up never swapping. Also, I’m low key surprised that Regan told the other tribe I had a final 2 with her mainly cause I don’t and know that she’s bad for my game being here. She also told them she wouldn’t take me to the end, which really has me thinking I’m a huge threat on their side. Personally, I think there are more fish to fry on my tribe over myself, so I hope I don’t go home anytime soon. Lydia also told me she talked to Connah and he seems to have a fire lit under him because he’s more motivated now. Which I’m happy about cause he did a phenomenal job on our video. If the tribes do stay the same and we lose again, I would personally like to see Austin go over Connah. Lydia and I compared notes on how Austin’s conversations come across as very fake and in genuine, and like hes only talking to us through a game perspective. I just find Austin to be fishy. Today, Sam told me that Lydia and I would be approached by Andrew and David about an alliance. And she even told us that she has a separate alliance with just Andrew and David. I’m actually happy she told me this mainly because now I have info against her for down the road. Andrew approached me moments later about it and I acted like I had just heard this. So I got added to an alliance with Andrew/David/Sam/Myself called the Pure Four. I’m happy that this alliance was made cause it was the alliance that I wanted, but right now I just feel very suspicious if that makes sense. I think the smartest thing for my game is to lay low until the moment is right. Who knows if that will happen though mainly cause if I use the Amulet of Abduction premerge, it makes me a pretty big target going into the merge. It sucks cause I want to tell Andrew so I can further our trust but I can’t tell him without exposing the Three Muskequeers (Sam/Lydia/Myself) and why Lydia was chosen to be captain was to help our alliance. So right now I just need to lay low and hope that Regan didn’t completely ruin my reputation on the other tribe

I swear to god, Regan is like a one woman hall of funhouse mirrors and all we’re trying to do is walk a straight line.

So IDK IM GETTING VOTED OUT AN DIM FREAKING. ITS ME OR MJ ME OR MJ I HATE LIFE

#torchsnuffers #confessionals

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canaryatlaw · 7 years

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So, today was certainly an adventure, lol. So remember how yesterday I had the whole overslept my alarm by 40 minutes thing? Well I mostly thought it was coincidence but I have suspected the brand of melatonin I had been using was too powerful and causing my mid-morning naps. Well, after today I'm convinced that's the truth, and enough of the truth that I got off the bus and went straight to Walgreens to buy a different brand before even going home, lol. So you could say this morning was a bit of a mess. Basically, I got up fine, got ready fine, got on the bus fine. Then I felt a little compelled to close my eyes. And I mean, I have a long damn bus ride (generally a little over an hour) and I never really fall asleep like this so I'll just open my eyes every so often to make sure I know where we are. WELL. Guess what failed miserably??? That plan. I had extra time too cuz I was just meeting my boss outside the building at 9:30 so we could go straight to the CIPP (I'll explain that later). The next thing I know, I wake up and look outside and not recognize it. I look at the front of the bus and the next stop says 33rd street. Time is 9:29. FUCK. The numbered streets don't even start until you get onto the south side, and legit the only times I've been on the south side is to go to midway airport. So I was wayyyyy out of my territory here. So I did the reasonable thing- got off at the next stop and got an uber to drive me back up to work, lol. Thankfully I only overshot it by about 10 minutes or so, and my boss was also running late (which she kind of always is, which at this point I'm okay with) so it wasn't too bad. Ah, but this was only the beginning. So we go to one of the DCFS locations downtown for the CIPP. CIPP stands for clinical intervention to prevent placement- basically meant as a meeting to try and solve problems so kids don't have to switch placements, or at least that's the general idea of the meetings. This particular one was to get two of our clients specialized. If a kid is considered specialized they get more access to services, and the foster parent has to have extra certification for it (they also get some of a higher stipend for the kid, but I mean it's not that much to begin with so its not really a cash grab). It was two sisters, 10 and 13, the 13 year old being non-verbal. It seemed as far as anyone could tell they didn't have any official diagnoses other than cognitive delays but it's very possible they're both on the spectrum. So it wasn't much of an argument, everyone pretty much agreed they should be specialized. And then we still sat and talked, but I have no idea what about because I started fucking falling asleep in the middle of the goddamn meeting, and I could not control it at all. Like I felt like I was going in and out of consciousness, like I would open my eyes but not having been conscious of shutting them before that second it just happened, and my boss had to like, nudge me twice during the meeting to keep me awake. So of course I feel SO bad about it. Towards the end someone suggested a bathroom break and another one said they were gonna get a drink and looked at me like "hey do you wanna get something too?" which I took as my cue to go get some caffeine, they had cans of coke for 95 cents in their vending machine, but even with the quarter I pulled out of my laundry pocket I didn't have enough change, so one of them just took pity on me and gave me a dollar (I insisted she did at least take the change I did have). I wouldn't say I chugged the coke exactly, but I tried to get it into my system very quickly as it definitely helped. We ended not too long after that, and as soon as we're outside I'm like to my boss "omg I'm so sorry I don't know what's going on with me" and she was just like "no I'm just like concerned about your health like are you okay? Do you do need to go home for the rest of the day??" So I assured her I was fine at this point now that I had at least 12 oz worth of caffeine in my system. So we ran to jimmy johns and ate in the car on the way to our second meeting of the day (I saw "our" but of course I just sit there and watch and say nothing). This was a child and family team meeting, which is just like with the workers and such to try and handle things. Now, there are a lot of messy cases in the foster care system, but trust me when I say this case was a MESS. Basically, this girl's brother had been sexually abusing her and pulling off straight up incest since she was like 8 to the point where SHE FUCKING GOT PREGNANT BY HER GODDAMN BROTHER and when I heard that I was immediately like uh, is that baby okay????? But apparently he's 2 now and no special needs have availed themselves yet so that's definitely a relief. But basically the girl is 17 now and doesn't really want to leave home but the case got screened in anyway, but they can't find a placement for her as a parenting teen so she's been living at home with her shitbag mother and HER FUCKING BROTHER and ugh it made me so mad. My boss told me when they went to trial the mom like made the girl burst into tears because she basically testified "I don't care about you, I don't want you, I just care about my grandson" like um you're a piece of shit and shouldn't be in charge of any child, ever. So we're really far down the south side now, farther than I've ever been. And this meeting is with the family and the various caseworkers. Apparently it used to be an intact case so there was a whole transitory process of switching caseworkers. And also my boss hates the PD on the case with a burning passion, so that's fun. When she saw the new caseworkers name she like hesitated for a second and was like "I may not like her but I'm not sure, I'll know her when I see her though" and OH, she did not like her. It was really funny because my boss has like a really soft spoken voice and sounds just very sweet and calm but she also will not back down from anything, and I had to spent the majority of the meeting with my elbows on the table propping my arms up to somehow cover my mouth with my hands to cover the giant smirk I couldn't help every time they got into a skiff. I'm definitely going to need to develop a better poker face for this kind of thing, because I don't think future coworkers will appreciate me laughing at them (which is though my favorite thing to do when I want to piss someone off). So I really don't know if we accomplished shit in that meeting, but we drove the girl back to the day care place to pick up her son(/nephew) and my boss was like, if this caseworker isn't helping you you call me, ok? I'll make it work. They were talking about something regarding her not going to something the other night and the girl mentioned her son had been sick and was home with her mom, who gave him some pepto bismol which seemed to help. And when she said that I was like wait. Pepto bismol to a 2 year old? That doesn't sound right. So I google and it says there is a "children's pepto" out there but it somewhere different, but pepto bismol is for children and adults 12 and over. We were like at the day care place at that point so I just tried to like super casually ask "just curious, was that normal pepto bismol your mom gave your son?" And she just said she didn't know, which is fair enough, but gives me the feeling it was the adult stuff. So then when she left the car I go to my boss like "yeah pepto bismol is only for kids 12 and over" and she just kind of sighed and said to be careful though because this girl will never say anything negative about her mother, even if her mother's treated her like shit. Sigh. So we drove back to the office, took a bit of a scenic route and got to see the white sox stadium for the first time, and over the course of the day I just had some good conversations with my boss and I feel like we definitely bonded to some extent haha so I was happy about that. We got back to the office at like, 3:45, so I'm like okay I can at least try to be productive for an hour, so I go to my computer and now it won't even let me log in. So I just sigh and go over to the tech guys desk and he's not there, so I wait with my arms leaning over the front and he shows up a few minutes later and just starts laughing when he sees me there again haha so he comes in and figures it out and we have amusing conversations about stupid politicians and other random stuff. It was entertaining. He did get it to work, and then I almost had to go get him AGAIN because of another issue but I figured that one out and got to go back to listening to the calls. Nothing too juicy here, but no phone sex, thank GOD. I did mention that to my boss, who's not the attorney that gave me the assignment and she like died laughing and told me to make sure I included that in the report, because if mom tries lying on the stand that's like, the ultimate impeachment lol. So I listened and took some notes and after a while headed out. Fine ride home, took the bus one stop further than usual (just the next block down) to go to Walgreens and buy new melatonin. I decided to go with a brand I had used before but in their gummy form to see how that goes. And then I grabbed a few extra random things, paid, and went home. I made dinner and settled in with my laptop and started watching Iron Fist. I got through the first 3 episodes tonight and I'm somewhat less than impressed. I heard this criticism from other before starting the show, but even without hearing other people thinking it the pace of the show is just soooooo slow. Like I'm moderately interested in the central plot they have unfolding, but it's just taken them so fucking long to get there it leaves me wanting to bang my head against the wall. Like I don't know if I can take another 10 hours of this when barely anything has happened in the first 3. I'll probably stick it out for the sake of the defenders though, so at least I'll have a full backstory on all of them. The one scene where the ninja girl (I know zero character names other than Danny at this point) kicked that gross guy's ass at the cage fight because that was fucking awesome, and it left me wondering why we couldn't have had a show called "The Daughter of the Dragon" (which is what she called herself) instead? I feel like that would've been a lot more entertaining than this. Another highlight was when not-dead crazy daddy warbucks leaves his penthouse and grandma heroin shows up and scares the living shit out of him, because that was just fantastically satisfying to watch. And yeah, that was about it. Did my back exercises, and I've kind of been experimenting with some other ones I used to just kind of do for fun with putting my legs all the way in the air and just relying on my abs for support and bringing my legs down over my head to touch the floor behind me and then back up again without falling forward, and I think it's been good so far, even if it leaves my neck and head a little sore. I also just find it entertaining, so there's that. Shortly before I finished the show my roommate came home so we talked for a bit as she set up the tiny grill she bought so we can grill stuff for Memorial Day, lol. The grill is very cute and tiny. And we talked about all the shut going on at our alma mater (I forget if I talked about this yesterday? I don't think I did) because they're basically fucking everything up again and majorly changing up the theatre program by firing half the grad staff and moving the grad programs under the umbrella of the undergrad programs, which makes no sense......? And it's weird because my freshman year there the undergrad art programs were considered part of the comm/arts school, not the undergrad, and at the end of that year there was a huge thing about putting it under the undergrad studies school, and our dear acting professor was a very vocal proponent against the move, and half a year later when they decided to fire 8 undergrad professors including him and refused to give us any reason why, it was largely speculated that they were getting rid of anyone who was giving them resistance on what they want to do, and that's how our best prof got canned. So it looks like the alums of the comm school (which I'm not technically one of but they are still involved in this situation) have been leading the fight and just getting everyone to email the administration. So I figured my best argument was hey, I've noticed a disturbing pattern of you rounding up groups of people in mass firings, let me tell you how much you doing that while I was there screwed up the rest of my education there and that I very much blame that decision for it, and while they've pretty much already lost any loyalty I might've had to them I would write on behalf of the current students because I don't want to see them get screwed over like that. Then when I got the response I laughed, because other people in the Facebook group had posted the "stock reply" everyone had been getting, that only varied with some saying "we'll make sure this email gets passed on to the higher ups." Well, my email was like two lines and pretty much only said "we'll pass your email on to the higher ups." I guess I came off as a little too angry to get the "we appreciate your feedback and concerns" response which I really just thought was hysterical. So there's all that bullshit. I'm all for rebellion of course and I'll encourage everyone to fight until their last breath, but I also know that it's always going to be a losing battle because at the end of the day they just don't care what any students or alumni think, they're going do whatever they want. By all means, still fight, raise hell, let them know just how angry you are and fight to the final breath, but maybe just be willing to accept that unfortunately this is something they're going to have to live with, which sucks. I've blabbed on long enough about this though and it's 12:45 am, thank god I get to sleep in cuz I'm gonna need it. Goodnight my people. Happy weekend.

#daily journal #May 2017

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