#my brain: I don't wanna words. if you make me describe one more thing I'm going to bite you

[a-lonely-dunedain]

12 for Margim & Celeair

12. "help me"

Margim's old habits die hard as it turns out (I think I could've done better with this one, but my brain is deep fried and crispy so Words and Descriptions Do Not Go. I plan to shove all these little prompt fics into an Ao3 fic once I'm done with all of them, so I'll probably clean this one up/flesh it out a bit then.)

There were no casualties for us in the last skirmish with the Dragon-Clan raiders, but still some injuries, and that’s where my work began.

I’ve spent the last few hours in the infirmary with the other two healers patching everyone up. Exhausting but rewarding work, and far less grim for once. There was healing to be done, but no mourning. By the time we were done, no one was in poor enough shape that they would need to stay the night here, so one by one all of our charges were eventually sent home to rest, as were the other two healers. Except for me of course, I offered to stay behind and clean up so they could go to their families. Gathering up bloody rags and discarded vials, making careful notes of what salves and politics had been used so that we could resupply before we ran out, and anything else that needed to be set right. 

Margim often stops by to help me with this, but I have not seen her yet. I imagine she’s celebrating the victory with Elain and her other friends, or has already gone home to rest and is waiting for me there. She looked tired when she returned with the other warriors.

Just then, I hear the door slowly open and soft footsteps approach. It sounds like someone is trying to be quiet, not necessarily trying to hide their presence, but trying not to draw attention to it at least. I look up from what I was doing and see that it’s just Margim. I smile at her "oh, hello Mar!"

“Can you… help me with this?” she asks quietly, although I'm not sure what 'this' is exactly.

“Hm? With wh…” I start to ask, but as she approaches I see the answer and my words seem useless. She moves her cloak aside to reveal a large black stain on her garment, her blood, slowly oozing from a wound on her side.

“You’re hurt!” I exclaim, gently taking her arm and guiding her over to a nearby cot.

“I noticed.” She responds dryly as she sits down, removing her cloak.

“How… How did this happen?” I ask, examining the wound. There is some panic in my voice, although I try to hide it.

“One of the cursed Draig managed to land a blow.” she says bitterly “Only after I caved his skull in, but his dagger found its mark anyway.” This is from the skirmish then, but… that was many hours ago. 

“And you didn’t tell anyone?” I ask in equal parts confusion and worry.

“There were-” she winces as I remove her garment from the cut, I whisper an apology. I’m being as gentle as I can, but the blood has clotted to her clothes and there’s not a way I can do this that won’t sting at least a little. “-There were others more hurt. I would rather not take your attention away from them.”

“There was plenty to go around,” I take a nearby bowl of clean water and carefully start to clean the cut with a cloth, “and I would rather have tended to this sooner… What if it was-”

“If it was more serious I would have had no choice but to come earlier. But the cut was not deep, it could wait.” her tone is strangely defensive.

My brow furrows. Maybe the cut was not deep, but it was still in a place where any injury would be cause for great concern. She’s still bleeding, and ideally, she would not be.

“-really, it hardly even hurt!” she insists

My frown only deepens, it clearly hurts a great deal. Margim sees that I’m not buying the act and lets out a defeated sigh. “...I’m not a very good liar, am I?”

“Not to me, no.” 

I’m nearly done dressing the cut. Luckily she was right that it was not deep, there’s little else I need to do to it, but I am still troubled by the fact that she waited hours before letting anyone see to it. It was not severe this time, but the concerning thought of her trying to hide a more serious injury –and the damage that could be done by that– is still in the forefront of my mind.

“So… why did you hide it then?” I ask quietly.

Margim’s averts her gaze “I… did not wish for the others to see.”

There would have been no shame in it, letting the others know she was hurt, for the other warriors were even bragging about their own wounds when I saw to them. The Caru-Lûth consider scars earned in defense of their land to be a badge of honor, as proof of what they endured for the sake of love and loyalty. The numerous battle-scars Margim already bears were part of the reason they so eagerly accepted her among their ranks, as they seemed visible proof of her strength and devotion. I know Margim would not see the scars from her time in Mordor that way, but whether or not she agreed with their assessment did not change the fact that they respected her for them.

None of them, least of all those who had fought alongside her, would ever think of her as weak for something like this.

“I do not think they would have thought any less of you for it.” I try to assure.

“That’s not what I was afraid of… I… do not know what I was afraid of.” she mutters haltingly, barely loud enough for me to hear. She seems to be looking away at something that isn’t there. “...It's a force of habit, I suppose.”

Ah, that makes more sense then. It was not a fear of shame that caused her to hide the wound, but an instinct carried over from Mordor, where showing any physical weakness would only paint a target on her back.

“You have nothing to fear here.” I say gently as I finish with the bandages, although I do not know if my words will do much to help. It’s not an easy thing for her to unlearn, not when it was fear that kept her alive for so long.

“I know it… but sometimes I think my heart does not believe it. We are not always on the same page.” she mutters slowly

“I understand. Well, a little bit, at least. If there is anything I can do to help, please, let me know.”

“You have already helped a great deal, there is nothing more I would ask of you.” she sighs “I think I would just like to go home and sleep.” she pauses, a somewhat regretful expression on her face "and... I'm sorry to have bothered you with all this."

"It's not a bother to me at all! I'm just glad I you're alright now."

#this ends. very abruptly #as I said brain not do words today. will fix later #I realize I've been doing Celeair's PoV for all the last prompts with them #I think that's bc he's currently Unable to narrate in Bitter Ash and Stubborn Flowers so it's like exclusively Margim PoV there #still I'm gonna try to make Margim the narrator with the next one #idk why but I can only seem to write about these two in first person #3rd pov is easy for everyone else but Margim and Celeair are just more talkative I guess #really idk what's been up with my brain sense yesterday but it's been like #me: ok let's get these last three asks done! #my brain: no (: #me: why not? #my brain: I don't wanna words. if you make me describe one more thing I'm going to bite you #well ok then! #methinks I should wait a bit before trying to get the last two done #lotro #lotro oc #Margim #Celeair #ask games

[martensite-triangulation]

No context moment

#mine #No but seriously if something is making me distressed enough that I can't even WALK or CHEW or CLOSE DOORS in peace #I wouldn't call them intrusive thoughts more like... intrusive associations? Like my brain is making these associations and I'm like #'oh god you really are tormenting me with this shit huh' #Straight up one day I ended up crying myself to sleep because I closed the toilet lid and in came pooling the intrusive associations #This is not trauma related btw but I don't wanna tell the reason in public because 1) it's stupid 2) that would just be me writing #'please hurt me this way it's very effective' on my forehead in bigass letters for any future potential adversary #(I used adversary for the lack of better words. It's 00:10 here and my brain really doesn't fry like it usually does) #But do you get what I mean. My own thoughts are my biggest enemies #Oh right and there's a third reason. 3) I can't even describe the thing that's distressing me because even thinking up vague descriptions is #enough to send me into a *dial-up noises* state and crying fit

[kirbyluvr69]

Some Thoughts™

About art, desire and John Lennon

If you're active on the Twitter side of The Beatles fandom you'd know that just yesterday a collage John made for Paul titled "I Only Have Eyes For You" made the rounds and scared people whom, I guess, don't think about visual arts very often. Unfortunately I don't use the word "scared" lightly. People really used the words "disturbing" and "concerning" to describe this piece, with a hint of a "What was Lennon thinking about our poor Paul to make this with him in mind" sentiment that I don't think it's quite fair.

I tried to search more about this collage´s context, but all I could find (without having to buy Julian Lennon's book in which the image was featured) was that it was made in the 50s, while John was still at art college, but to be quite frank, I don't think the exact date matters too much.

What I see in this image first and foremost is desire, plain and simple. Red is a sexual colour, we have naked women sprawled, the head with its mouth open in a orgasm-like fashion, the eyes symbolizing voyeurism. If anything, as a friend of mine also pointed out while we discussed it, this collage is proof of the way John and Paul were so close they were even free to be honest about their sexual desires to one another. Even if the collage was made for another purpose and gifted to Paul later, this sentiment still stands, because Paul was the person he thought would receive this part of himself with open arms.

Is the collage "disturbing"? I guess, in a way. The same way I think growing up in the 40s and 50s in a hyper-convervative protestant society like England and discovering yourself would be disturbing. Even more if you're not entirely straight as an arrow. But I don't think John's talking about this here. This is about his feelings for the opposite sex, and they weren't always nice. Red is also the colour of blood and guts, John was also known for having violent outbursts. Would it not disturb you that the object of your desire also brings up in you violence? I don't think we'll ever know why he felt that way, but here we see that he's aware of it. At least I think so.

I saw another analysis of this collage that somewhat agreed with me, but presented this argument as if this was a bad thing? I don't know exactly what made me think this way, maybe the verbiage, but I'll never think a person exploring the nature of their desire, be it disturbing or not, is wrong. Of course domestic violence is bad and I'm in no way excusing it, but if you're willing to engage with The Beatles, you have to bear in mind they were shitty to the women in their lives in varying degrees much like every man ever in general, and specially at that time.

As a self proclaimed John Lennon Scholar i.e. I Wanna Crack Open His Skull And Look At His Brain With A Microscope, I'm happy this exists, and I think I need a little more time with it myself.

All of this to say: I like it, I think John Lennon was a good visual artist and stop being weird about art.

To lighten up the mood, look at the gay as hell collage John made for Elton in 1975! This one deserved its own post with a lot of tin hatting on my part, but whatever! I love them so much (and yes, I WILL find a way to mention their friendship in every post I make, shut up. One day the Lennon/John masterpost will come).

#im psychoanalyzing john lennon thats what im doing #john lennon #paul mccartney #the beatles #meta #can you call real peoples lives meta?

[musings-of-a-rose]

I'm having a Sparks and Benny thought here. Based on this pic. Both of them arrive at home from a Xmas party at Will's. Things got hot really quick.

Note this was supposed to be in your ask box. I messaged ya this thought. My bad! Holiday brain!

The Party

Pairing: Benny Miller x “Sparks” f!reader

Word Count: 1300+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. 

Notes: I miss the HELL out of these 2 so please continue to send in anything! Also I’m changing this up to a New Year’s Party because I couldn’t finish it in time for Christmas. And then I was even more late! Thank you for being so patient and waiting!! (This was not beta read)

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

❤If you enjoy the fic, please consider giving me a warm beverage! (It is not required in any way!)

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**Reader is not described

Main Masterlist

Light Me Up Masterlist

Benny Miller Masterlist

“Did we really have to dress all fancy?” Benny whines, rolling his shoulders to shift the suit jacket a little. 

“It’s Will and Makayla’s first New Year’s living together and they wanted to be fancy,” I explain as I knock on the door to Will and Makayla’s place.

“I guess.”

“Plus, it’s my first as Mrs. Miller and I wanted to look pretty.”

Benny’s eyes soften as he looks me, the edges of his gaze darkening. “You’re always gorgeous, Mrs. Miller.” He grips my hips and pulls me to him, releasing one hand to tip my chin up, kissing me softly, the heat slowly warming.

“Get your own porch, asshole.” Will had opened the door and was standing there smirking. 

“You’re right. I’ll just take my wife home then,” Benny pulls me in the direction of his jeep. 

“Nice try. Makayla would kill me if you guys didn’t show up. Come on in.” He opens the door wide and motions for us to enter, fist bumping Benny as he walks past. 

Makayla had gone all out, everything sparkling in silver, gold, and black, like a modern day Gatsby party. People had already arrived and Benny steers me towards Frankie and Monica, Santi off in the corner making out with a girl, whom I shockingly recognize. 

“Is Santi with the same girl he brought to the bar a month ago?” I whisper to Frankie and Monica. 

She nods. “Yeah! I think this one is sticking around, surprisingly enough.”

We chat with them for a bit, Makayla flitting over for a few minutes before being whisked away on a champagne emergency. The music is going, some people getting up to dance. Will recruits Benny to help him with something in the kitchen, so I pull Monica onto the dance floor, whispering to her that we’re going to be menaces to our respective husbands. 

We start dancing to the upbeat song, hands on each others hips as we sway and move to the song, her spinning me around so my back is flush with her front. And that’s when I see him, Benny, emerging from the kitchen and freezing, his eyes on me as I dance. Judging by the light chuckle in my ear from Monica, I’m guessing she caught Frankie’s eye too.

“Wanna torture them some more, Sparks?” She says close to my ear.

“Hell yeah.”

I follow her lead, moving my body as she guides me, our hips moving in tandem as she pulls me closer to her. For good measure, I lift my arm, wrapping it around the back of her head, trying not to giggle when she squeezes just a little too much on my inner hips. And then the song ends, Monica and I laughing as she hugs me.

“That was way too much fun, Sparks.”

“Yeah it was. Did you see their-”

Suddenly, Monica was ripped from my grasp, Frankie’s hand firmly clamped around her upper arm, a smirk and a wink tossed my way from her as he steers her away through the group of people. 

“You think you’re so funny, don’t you?” Benny had snuck up behind me, his hands now on my hips, his nose nuzzling in my hair as he speaks low in my ear. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was dancing, good sir.”

He chuckles and it makes goosebumps pop up down my arm. “Yeah. Dancing. Sure.” He  makes to pull me away, to find some secluded spot but then Will clanks a spoon on a glass and everyone turns, Benny groaning a little too loud so I elbow him softly in the ribs. 

Will puts his arm around Makayla next to him before speaking. “I just want to thank everyone for coming. We’re so excited to share our first New Year’s Eve with everyone we love and we’ve been working hard- ok. Makayla has been working hard. I just do what she says,” laughing flits around the group as Makayla playfully slaps his chest, leaving her hand on his toned pec. “But seriously. Thank you guys. Here’s to another great year!”

—----

The toast was had, the ball was dropped, the midnight kiss was a little too risque between you and Benny, Will not so covertly throwing an empty Solo cup at Benny’s head. 

“Ugh I’ve been dying to take these shoes off all night!” I groan, kicking my heels off and plopping down in one of our comfy chairs. 

“You looked hot though.”

“That’s the price of fashion. Pain.”

He chuckles as he removes his jacket, revealing that he wore a simple, plain black shirt underneath it, the fabric stretching and pulling as he tosses the jacket on the back of the couch and sits with a sigh. I look over at him, feeling warm watching his movements.

“Did..did you really wear a black t-shirt under your dress jacket?”

Benny looks down at his shirt, his eyebrows pulled together. “Should I not have?”

“No, no. I think it works.”

He brushes his chest and I almost come unglued. “Good.”

“Wanna see what’s under mine?”

His big blue eyes snap to mine. “Fuck yeah I do.”

I get up, standing in front of him as I pull my dress over my head, hearing his sharp intake of breath as I reveal his favorite lingerie set on me, complete with black garter belts.

“You…you had this on the whole time?”

I nod, moving to straddle him. He grips my hips, sliding his hands up to my ribs as he kisses my chest, his mustache tickling my skin causing me to chuckle. But then he grips me tight, standing abruptly and sets me in the chair, draping each of my legs over the arms of the chair. He kneels, his eyes dark and all-consuming as he stares between my legs. 

“Can you buy new underwear?”

“I think so.”

I barely get my reply out before he grips my panties, ripping the part that covers me, tucking the ripped ends up. His large hands squeeze my inner thighs and before I can say anything, his mouth is on me, warm and lapping, my legs trying to squeeze around him. He holds me open, his fingers digging deeper into my skin as I moan his name, electric sparks rolling over me as his tongue changes patterns. One of my hands grips the chair and the other moves to his hair, tugging hard and whining when his growl vibrates me. 

“Oh fuck! Ben, I -” The sounds he pulls from me are loud and grateful, Benny leaving his mouth on me to work me down. But I don’t have time to relax as he stands, pulling me up only to spin me, pushing my upper back down, the sound of a zipper loud in the quiet apartment. He drags himself through the wetness between my thighs before pushing and I slap the chair, trying to find something, anything to grip.

“Can’t believe you were wearing this the whole night and didn’t tell me,” Benny pants behind me, setting a rougher pace just hear the panted whines tumble from my lips. 

My hands scramble, still trying to find purchase as he presses harder, faster, but then he folds himself over me, engulfing me from behind, his large hands sliding down my arms, his fingers lacing with mine, holding my hands as he continues to push in further. I turn my head to the side, feeling myself hurtle towards the edge again as he brushes against that spot at the back of me. 

“Oh fuck, Benny! Please..please!” I come, tightening around him, his breaths panting out across my neck as he buries his face, turning his head slightly to bite my shoulder as he comes, his hips pushing in a few more times as he releases. His bite turns to kisses, nuzzling into my hair before he whispers.

“I love you, Sparks.”

I manage to finally catch my breath. “Don’t you mean Mrs. Miller?”

“Fuck!” He pulls out but stands, picking me up to throw me over his shoulder with a squeal as he stomps down the hallway, spending the next few hours showing me exactly what being called Mrs. Miller does to him.

—----

General Taglist:

@frankie-catfish-morales @chaoticgeminate @janebby @astoryisaloveaffair @balekanemohafe @greeneyedblondie44 @hoeforthefictional @marvelousmermaid @hauntedmama @giuliarogers @icanbeyourjedi @wretchedmo @sunnshineeexoxo @livingmydreams13 @adventures-of-a-noodle @sara-alonso @theewokingdead @punkerthanpascal @giggly-otter @f0rever15elf @phandoz @dirtytissuebox @gallowsjoker @lovesbiggerthanpride @sarahmilesbendrix @booksarekindaneat @mrsudontknowme @swol-bear @charlispersonallyhell @xoxabs88xox @amneris21 @gooddaykate @alindeluce @avengers-fixation @paintballkid711 @harriedandharassed  @ladykatakuri @marrianena  @practicalghost @withakindheartx @batdarkladyvampir @justanotherkpopstanlol  @mermaidxatxheart @alexxavicry @ichigodjarin @justreblogginfics @sullyosully @kmc1989 @veryprairieberry @mysterious-moonstruck-musings  

#benny miller #ben miller #benny miller x reader #benny miller x you #benny miller x f!reader #triple frontier #garrett hedlund #benjamin miller #benjamin benny miller #garrett hedlund x reader #garrett hedlund x you #garrett hedlund characters #garrett hedlund character fanfic #garrett hedlund character ff #garrett hedlund character fanfiction

[ego-meliorem-esse]

Could you talk a bit about Matthew and Alfred relationship? Our boys need love too

The lads! The fellas! The absolute units!

Bear with me here I wanna give a little bit of a context and a personal explanation as to why I'm really fascinated with these two countries in general.

If there is one nationfolk relationship that comes as close to pure and friendly as it possibly can, it would be the Us-Can one. Of course, it has major problems and unavoidable disputes. But let me tell you, as a balkan, ex-yugoslav cretin, I cannot help but be intriqued with the way these two comunicate. They make fun of eachother sure, they have disputes and squables, sometimes outright clashes, but when there is crisis in the US for example, all I hear is Americans straight up saying "ok well time to move to Canada". It's fascinating to me! As a Croat who, after returning from Serbia from a 3 day trip, brought home souveniers (key chains mostly, with the Serbian flag) I was yelled at by my dad who afterwards didn't talk to me for a few days. All because I dared to bring this enemy countrys flag into our home. Now, I was born in 1999. I have no connection to the war 8 years prior. No excusable, personal vandetta. But still it' s very much acceptable to hate so strongly. And even if it wasn't 8 years that passed, but 80, there still would be a widely accepted resentment. But alas, I am not talking about people, cus frankly people are just people. Alliances and relations between countries are another thing. Imagine sharing a huge fucken border with another country and being friends. My euro brain is imploding. Uncomprehensible.

Now I do understand the US is often described as a bit of a phycho, and frankly Canada is an expert at dealing with the phycho. Kudos. Keep the yanks from whipping out their home protection assault rifles and unleashing hell fire is risky shit. Canada manages tho. What I'm really interested in is the USA's view of Canada. They aren't a threat. They aren't suspicious. They are a force to be reckoned with tho, but they are friends. If there is one ally the USA can rely on its the maple sucking french/anglo bastards up north. So much history in such a short time. Fascinating.

To relate this to the bros, I think these two understand eachother better than most. Matt is quiet, obsetvand and passive (mostly), while his unit of a brother is loud, idealistic and prone to thinking the world owes him time on the world stage. And it works. Matt is the one to talk to his brother in a way that gets Alfred to listen. H speaks Alfreds language and can communicate with him freely. I think that that is a skill and in the modern era, a privilage that not many have. Not many dare to tell Alfred to his face that he fucked up majorly, but Matt can. He knows he can. Alfred knows he can. So he does. Matt can pull his brother aside after an outburst, and for the lack of a better word, humble him.

Alfred respects his brothers oppinion more then other nations'. He went from seeing Matt as a weak, self-pitying and ambitionless dominion, to accepting his views, ideas and even asking his oppinion on certain matters. I like to draw a parallel here. Matt had to sacrifice everything and himself to have Arthur call him into the war room and ask Matthew for his oppinion. Alfred is not much different. It takes time for Matthews voice to be heard, but when the time comes, it's desperately needed.

Alfred tho, is and always will be Alfred. And if somthing else catches his attention, he will ignore the house on fire across the street. He is prone to isolation and ignoring his brother for extended periods of time, just sending him a tiktok every month or so. That being the only indication to Matt that his brother is alive. Alfred has so much shit going on and his 13 braincells have to spread evenly across to cover it all. His brother is a constant in his life, stable and therefore forgotten.

That being said, I don't think there is another person on Earth Alfred loves more than his brother. Showing it is not something he ever learned tho. He knows he cannot buy his way into showing his love for Matt, so with his lack skills of other forms of love expressions, he does nothing.

As for Matt, he checks up on Alfred as much as he can. His history and past have tought him to expect nothing form the people he loves. So he doesn't. He knows Alfred is his closest ally and best friend, but doesn't ask for anything Alfred himself isn't giving. He is a person who waits to be asked to hang out on Saturday instead of asking his friends himself.

So while almost all I talked about is sad and somewhat negative, I do think the bond and conversations these two share are one of the most honest and true expressions of brotherly love. And by god I usually don't use the world love when describing nation-folk relationships, but in this case there isn't a replacement.

sorry for the personal shit and Alfred slander, I love him.

#sorry for the long post #im hungover #eating doritos and smoking cigs #hetalia #hws america #hws canada #ask meli #meli speaks #my headcanons

[0rb0t]

Don't mind me, just talking about Shadow as being on the autistic spectrum, and how his portrayal in the games and anime (before 2010s era) reflected this even if it was never outright stated.

(TIME FOR A CHARACTER ANALYSIS ABOUT SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG)

    When I was in high school, I struggled a lot in social situations, I'd go completely stiff and just watch people. I had a "resting bitch face", I never really could have conversations and seemed to just fixate on things. I'd make observations that irritated people. I'd ask "why" a lot. (Asking why or even asking 'obvious' questions seemed to make people think I was questioning their judgment, or that I was challenging them. But no, I just didn't understand and wanted clarification. I still run into this a lot and I wish people would stop assuming I have ulterior motives. I just wanna understand stuff better cause it doesn't connect for me. Even if it seems obvious. I'm the genius that asked my mom why she was crying at her dad's funeral when I was 11. It's not that I didn't understand why Grandpa was gone, I knew he passed away, but it hadn't really landed for me, and my brain registered my mom's sadness before it registered the why.)

    I didn't like small talk (still don't) and would rather every interaction have a specific purpose. You'd never catch me at a party and I didn't think drinking or drugs looked fun or interesting. The act of rebelling didn't interest me either. The few interests I did have were something I'd always go back to, and I couldn't function without them. (For me, drawing has always been a huge part of my life and if I didn't have a pencil or pen and paper, then I couldn't hear. I know, very weird. If I were doodling or just even had my sketchbook open, I could study a lot easier. In High school, my teachers started telling me to put the sketchbook away, and my grades plummeted because my attention did, too. Trying to tell them just kind of led to the same old "well everyone else can't doodle so you can't either". I wasn't in any of the special ed stuff because I guess I masked too well.)

    Sonic 06 and Sonic X have the same characterization for Shadow, especially in Japanese, and I think that's honestly the best he'd ever been-- he's quiet, he's reserved, he observes and he doesn't like to "waste time". Not because he's edgy, not because he's a jerk or too serious, but because he struggles in social situations and he's more introverted. He doesn't want to be the centre of attention, he doesn't enjoy any of that. Shadow also behaves like an adult, and I'm sure a ton of us on the spectrum have heard that before, that we're very mature for our age. In reality, we can't relate with our peers and have very fixated interests that don't really expand to other things. Limited interests and we just wanna do stuff tied to that. We know so much about that one thing or those things, but those things won't get you ahead in school. Unless you're LUCKY and your fixation is math, oy vey! (My fixation was etymology. I loved learning and knowing where words came from. Useful for 2 seconds in English class, quickly loses its usefulness in a skill-oriented world.)

    I don't even think he's naturally boastful, at least he wasn't since SA2 (when he was an antagonist), but Sonic brings out a competitive side in him. Sonic brings out the childhood-self that he lost to trauma and being sealed away. Shadow never got to be a normal kid/adult. He has always had expectations placed on him. I think Sonic really brings out a side of him that even surprises himself. It's why he will even say very often "What am I doing?" or "This is such a waste of time!" but he won't STOP… Because he's having fun and doesn't know how to describe his own feelings. Shadow's the type who'll say "I'm fine" no matter what state he's in when you ask if he's okay. My spouse is like this actually-- I can often tell when he's feeling down, but he doesn't know how to describe emotions beyond functional things like "i'm healthy" or "i'm unhealthy", so he'll say he's fine even if he's having a melancholy day. I struggle with understanding my emotional responses, but not necessarily identifying them. A lot of people on the spectrum do struggle with identifying their emotions beyond empirical things. "Do I feel sick? No? then I'm fine" Shadow is exactly like this. And because his expression is so neutral, sometimes intense, he gets mistaken as being angry or too serious. In reality, he's just standing there. He's not gonna expend energy smiling when he's got nothing to smile about. Why force yourself to emote for people? Especially if it feels unnatural.

    Another thing about Shadow being autistic is if he's got nothing to say, then he won't say it. If he wants to leave, he'll leave. Good luck stopping him! But for many actual people it's not an option to leave. We can't just teleport out or skate at lightning speeds like he can, so we have to just sit there and do little coping or self soothing methods to keep ourselves in the moment and calm. We don't often see Shadow stimming in traditionally understood ways, like lip biting or rubbing his arms or fidgeting with his fingers-- but he often stands with his arms crossed. This CAN BE a stim. Feeling the weight of your arms on top of each other, it allows for you to be aware of your own body. I fold my arms a lot in public, because I'm usually playing with the hem of my sleeves, or I'm rubbing my arms or squeezing them. Shadow doesn't seem to do any of that but he's rarely seen without his arms folded.

    When his arms aren't folded, he stands so still and just stares at people. He looks completely out of his element. He doesn't seem to have a relaxed stance--until the anime, where he's shown standing with his hand on his hip. Rouge also does this, leading to the popular headcanons that Shadow is unintentionally imitating Rouge-- his masking leads him to identify the most 'normal' person in the room and copy their behavior in order to blend in better. Unfortunately it rarely, in my experience, leads to people NOT thinking I'm weird. Sometimes I'll even start imitating speech patterns or accents and BOY. I don't even realize I'm doing it until it HAPPENS. So embarrassing. But Shadow absolutely imitates everyone around him. We can see him do this even as far back as Sonic Heroes--that scene where he's nodding or shaking his head to whatever Rouge is saying. The scene where Sonic starts getting competitive and Shadow starts kind of imitating his posture and his way of speaking to become competitive with them-- I don't even think he realizes he's doing it. But it also makes sense with his NAME.

    His name is Shadow. I think of Peter Pan, where Peter's Shadow can sometimes get away from him. Usually it does everything he does, but sometimes it gets away and does its own things, and Peter has to catch it. Wendy sews the shadow back on in Hook. I think Shadow's name is referencing that as well, that just like a shadow, he mimics those around him. He's watching over them, but also copying them. Learning to blend in.

    Another moment I adore is in SA2 (and Sonic X) when Amy Rose hugs him from behind. According to the 2010s era and early IDW, you'd have expected Shadow to push her away or yell DONT TOUCH ME or whatever. But no, he actually just goes REALLY RIGID and doesn't even say anything. It isn't until Amy realizes her mistake that Shadow turns around to look at her, smiling like 'What are you doing???' But in Sonic X, they changed this scene further into autistic territory--

    Shadow doesn't even TURN to her. He goes rigid, yes, and his eyes widen and he just stands there looking towards the audience like 8| He's completely OUT OF HIS ELEMENT. He prepared for the mission, NOT to deal with random people HUGGING HIM. He's probably not been hugged since Maria over 50 years ago. We don't even know if Maria hugged him much because Shadow has always seemed pretty touch-averse. I love GIVING hugs and I love receiving hugs but only from people I'm REALLY close to. I don't even like getting hugs from extended family. My spouse? VERY touch averse. He'll get hugs from me but hugging and touch are just not his thing. Shadow is not a huggy person, but he does tend to hold hands.

    We know he grabbed and held Maria's hand, running with her-- but we never actually saw that until Sonic X (2003) he can be seen running with her away from the military, and he's holding her hand as he leads her. In Shadow the Hedgehog, Maria often grabs Shadow's hand when telling him things. This is also a grounding method to bring the person into the moment. For me, I feel like I can focus better on what my spouse is saying to me when he holds my hand and it's crowded or busy. Even in our home, if he wants to tell me something, I recommend that he hold my hand or touch my arm so I can focus on him better. This happens with Shadow.

    Sonic doesn't tend to hold peoples' hands. In Sonic X he usually just picks people up, but we do see him grab Elise's arm in 06 and run with her. But holding hands? Not really his thing! Shadow does do it more often though. In Sonic X S3, in the episode, Molly's Dream, Shadow's immediate way of leading Molly away from danger is to grab and hold her hand. He even keeps holding her hand until she lets go. It speaks to me the sort of childlike behavior he may still be exhibiting, but not that I'm trying to say that autistic people are more like children. From my experience on the spectrum, I am more childish than my peers. I still react like a kid might to things, and I don't really think like an adult is expected to. I am mentally behind my peers as well, I think my emotional maturity is lower? But it's hard to measure that without a doctor. It's not just about laughing at fart jokes or knowing to pay bills, it's like, how I problem solve is more creatively aligned with kids than it is adults. This is both great and terrible, depending on the situation. A situation that requires math and stuff cannot be solved my way. A situation that involves encouraging kids to try again or be nice to each other, well it's very useful because I can communicate with them on their level (I was a teacher in South Korea for over half a decade, my brain was great for being a teacher but not great for other things).

    I think Shadow really gets misread as a mean guy a lot, but he really isn't. I also don't really enjoy the headcanons that imagine him as very outgoing and whimsical when he was on the ARK, and I especially don't like headcanons that infantilize him-- I really don't like headcanons where people infantilize autistic people. We've seen Shadow when he loses his memories a few times. In Heroes, but also in S3 of Sonic X-- his personality is still the same. He's still reserved, he's still quiet, he still struggles in social situations and prefers getting to the point rather than dilly-dallying. I'd argue that he was exactly like that before the incident on the ARK, too. It's just that the incident caused his inner peace to be destroyed. His precious person, Maria, was no longer around and he lost everything all at once. He doubled down on the one thing that made sense: Revenge. But even after all of that was sorted out, he's not gonna just magically be a different person. He's still reserved, he's still serious, he's still "get to the point". If he played FFXIV, he'd only focus on main quests, and never do side quests. He'd never spend money on cosmetics, probably. He's likely a person who values gameplay over story. If the game is broken or the mechanics aren't utilized well, that's probably more what he'd be fixated on than whether the story was good or not. He'd skip through dialogue because he reads fast, even if the dialogue is voiced (my spouse does this and it drives me nuts. SHADOW I BEG OF YOU PLEASE DO IT FOR ME, DISABLE THE VOICE ACTING IN OPTIONS SO I STOP HEARING THE FIRST UTTERANCE OF A WORD EVERY TIME U MASH THROUGH THE DIALOGUE)

    Trauma affects people in all kinds of ways. I don't think all autistic people are like Shadow, because autism is a spectrum and no two people present exactly the same, although there will be similarities. Shadow's trauma happened at a time where he barely knew himself already, so that's why it was so easy for him to fixate on revenge, and then he'd be content with dying afterwards because he figured he had nothing left to live for. Finding out he was wrong was the best thing that could have happened to him.

    I was really saddened when SEGA decided he was an edgelord who hated everything and had no friends because that's such a horrible read of this nuanced character. In my personal headcanons for Shadow, he's actually very into plants and flowers, because Maria loved the planet so much. And eventually he learns to love the planet because of nature. Shadow's never going to be a people person, in fact he probably still doesn't care much for people as a whole, but that doesn't mean he won't step up when they need his help. Which is why his line in Sonic 06 is still so poignant. "If the world chooses to become my enemy, then I'll fight like I always have." Basically, it really doesn't matter, I've made my choice, I know who I am now and I get to make those decisions. No one else will shake the foundations of who I am.

    And because he knows who he is, he doesn't feel the need to repeat it and boast about himself. He's confident, not arrogant. He can be smug and competitive, but that's playfulness, not cruelty. He's quiet and may just straight up walk away while someone is mid-sentence, but that's not because he's evil or intentionally being a jerk-- it's just how he is. He needs to work on it if he wants to have friends, but his friends already understand him very well. They know that he's like that, and from what we saw in The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog, occasionally they forget it's not personal. I'm happy to see them admitting "oh no, I completely misjudged you, I'm so sorry!" because it's been way too long since we've heard the main cast apologize to Shadow for assuming he was a big jerk on purpose.

    Knowing the restrictions on how Shadow is written have been lifted, I'm really hoping we can get more of how he's meant to be, the reserved, socially awkward but well-meaning hedgehog we love. Autistic Shadow FTW!

    

(our experiences and headcanons

may differ, that's okay.)

#character analysis #character meta #shadow character meta #shadow the hedgehog #long post #sonic the hedgehog #sth shadow #shadow autism moments #he's just like me fr fr #sonic headcanons #shadow headcanons

[snootlestheangel]

Just A Dude!Ghost Monster AU

Side note before this post gets rolling, I love that my post with the highest notes starts with "I don't know who else" and I think that's very reflective of what Tumblr is like XD

Anyways

We're doing it! We are writing a Monster AU featuring Ghost as the only human despite what everyone else thinks! As far as I am concerned, mostly gonna post it here on Tumblr, since I don't really have much right now for it, mostly just little blurbs but if needed for readability, I'll put it on AO3 (under my profile FeelzMaster)

I'm gonna go ahead and give y'all the rundown of what species are featured, kinda what this world's like, the stuffs, ya know? TW: talks of death (just how they can die, relax)

Soap

To be 100% honest, I really wanted to do the whole werewolf!Soap thing cause it's just so perfect for him, but I thought back to a post I made about him being lightning and thought HUH WHAT IF?

So, partially inspired by @tactax-art and their depiction of Soap dealing with fire 'n shit, I have made Soap a unique type of "nymph". Technically, nymph isn't the right word, but neither is elemental, and the true name of these things is so old it's real translation has kinda lost meaning so they stick to describing themselves as "nymphs" or "elementals".

He is a Lightning Nymph, which is rare but that's apparently what happens when you cross an "atmospheric" air nymph (his mum) and a less traditional water nymph (his dad). He's often seeing consuming/messing with things that have electrical charge in order to keep up his own energy (Gaz once had to watch him literally lick an exposed outlet and maintain a straight face). Every time it storms, he's outside somewhere as high as he can get so he can soak up the natural static energy that comes with storms. He can and will shock people for the fun of it.

As for abilities, he's obviously highly conductive, can manipulate electrical energy but it's pretty exhausting so it's more of a life or death thing, he can glow in the dark if he wants to, and he's hyper aware of changes (due to ~energy~). His diet is batteries... Jk, but seriously he does not eat like a human would, he straight up eats things that will help with energy. Like I said earlier, he's licked an exposed outlet like it was an espresso shot. Downside is he can't see for shit in the dark so he's reliant on sensing energies, nightvision, or having one of his buddies that can see in the dark guide him. Can be killed if his brain stem is destroyed, but is also very weakened by the typical stuff (gunshots, stab wounds, severe bodily trauama, etc). but can be severely weakened by being trapped in insulated rooms/wrapped in insulators. If exposed to these things and not able to find a sustainable source of electrical energy, he will die. (rubber, steel, copper are some good insulators)

Gaz

I don't know why but I'm gonna make him a Siren. For some reason Siren!Gaz just melts my heart and I wanna hold him. I don't care if he can lure me to my death with his voice, I wanna hear him sing :'(

He's typically pretty human appearing, it's a natural instinct for Sirens, but when he's tired or distracted (like working out/doing paperwork), you can start to see some very fish-like qualities. Mostly very gorgeous iridescent scales around his ears, eyes, neck, shoulders, knees, top of his feet, and back of his hands.

Can breathe underwater, has the best vision in the dark, eats like a typical person but with more sea food cravings or cravings for fatty foods (like human), when in full Siren form he doesn't have a "mermaid's" tail, it's much more shark-like so he can accelerate really fast. Generally just more shark-like, except his scales are fish-like. His nose, like sharks, is super sensitive to certain changes, so booping his nose always throws him off if it's surprise, but he will also bump his nose into people/things without realizing it to get a better sense of it. Can be killed by things humans can, susceptible to parasites.

Price

Honestly, his has been the hardest but I'm gonna do changeling. I honestly don't know a lot about them, and quite frankly I've already got one homebrewed monster here, so why not another?

He's definitely the one everyone mistakes for being human cause he's so good at keeping up appearances. But there are always times where Price manipulates his appearance/body just enough that it's a little startling for those that believed him to be human to suddenly realize he's very much not.

He's got better eyesight in the dark than a human, but nowhere near close to what Gaz has. He's good at picking up on scents though, as his nose is a bit more attune to sniffing out humans than anything. He's not a bloodsucker, but changelings typically feed on weakened/ill/very old/very young humans, so he's able to tell when something is wrong with someone. Stifles the more violent urges of his species by eating a primarily meat heavy diet with a lot of raw veggies for the crunch. Most susceptible to things with iron or salt (obvi) but can still be fatally wounded by stab wounds/gunshots. Most other stuff won't kill him but it'll certainly hurt and he'll complain the entire time.

Alejandro and Rudy

These two are werewolves and Los Vaqueros is their pack :'). Most Vaqueros are also werewolves, but they do have a variety of other creatures commonly found in North America.

And finally, the whole point of this: we got our boy Ghost as a literal human being. Nothing more, just a dude. A dude with so much fucked up shit happening to him constantly it's just assumed he must be inhuman. NOPE! He's just a dude, a very very unlucky, and probably cursed, dude.

So yeah, that's what I have so far! Working title is "Cheers to the Unknown"

Taglist (if you want added let me know in the replies/reblogs): @tacticaltaxonomist @cthulhusstepmom

#simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #john price #john soap mactavish x simon ghost riley #soapghost #ghostsoap #cod mw2 #call of duty #soap call of duty #ghost call of duty #gaz call of duty #price call of duty #alejandro vargas #rodolfo parra #alejandro cod #rodolfo cod #monster au #monster/cryptid cod mw2 au #soap is lightning #soap is an agent of chaos #siren!gaz #changeling!price #just a dude ghost #cheers to the unknown #cod fanfic

[blackfeather96]

Songs that remind me of One Piece ships and why.

Lets start with:

Luffy x Boa - Addicted to you by Avicii

I think this songs describes Boa's obsession with luffy very well.

"You came into my crazy world Like a cool and cleansing wave Before I, I knew what hit me, baby You were flowing through my veins"

What can she do? It's Luffy :D

Sanji x Pudding - Stereo Love by Edward Maya and Vika Jigulina.

This song describes a bit the pain that Sanji went trough in Whole Cake Island, with Pudding's lies, yet he still tried to make it work. :(

"I can fix all those lies But baby, when I run, I'm running to you You won't see me cry, I'm hiding inside My heart is in pain but I'm smiling for you"

Usopp x Kaya - If you're not the one by Daniel Bedingfield.

Because in my heart, Usopp thinks about Kaya every sigle day and he loves her.

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away And I breathe you into my heart and Pray for the strength to stand today 'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right And though I can't be with you tonight You know my heart is by your side"

Robin x Law - Mirrors by Justin Timberlake.

Because of their similar past and personality. They have been trough a lot of pain, but Robin was healed in a way that Law wasn't yet, and In my delulu mind she can heal him.

"It's like you're my mirror My mirror staring back at me I couldn't get any bigger With anyone else beside me And now it's clear as this promise That we're making two reflections into one 'Cause it's like you're my mirror My mirror staring back at me Staring back at me"

Zoro x Tashigi - Another Love by Tom Odell.

Because the main reason why people ship them, is because zoro finds tashigi similar to Kuina, and it doesn't matter how their relationship will develop tbh, I think he will always see her as someone similar to Kuina.

"I wanna sing a song that'd be just ours But I sang 'em all to another heart And I wanna cry, I wanna fall in love But all my tears have been used up

On another love, another love All my tears have been used up On another love, another love"

Franky x Robin - We found love by Rihanna.

Because they met on a sea train on the way for their execution, and they did have some great moments there :)

"Yellow diamonds in the light Now we're standing side by side As your shadow crosses mine What it takes to come alive

It's the way I'm feeling I just can't deny But I've gotta let it go

We found love in a hopeless place"

Nami x Luffy - Believer by Imagine Dragons.

Because she was broken, but he made her a believer.

"I was broken from a young age Taking my sulking to the masses Writing my poems for the few That look at me, took to me, shook to me, feeling me Singing from heartache from the pain Taking my message from the veins Speaking my lesson from the brain Seeing the beauty through the...

Pain! You made me a, you made me a believer, believer"

Ace x Yamato - Thousand Years by Christina Perri.

Because Yamato was waiting for Ace to return, and he would still be waiting...

"I have died every day waiting for you Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years I'll love you for a thousand more"

Zoro x Sanji - One more night by Maroon 5.

Because they are always fighting :D If they are a thing, this is their song.

"You and I go hard At each other like we're going to war You and I go rough We keep throwing things and slamming the doors You and I get so damn dysfunctional we stop keeping score You and I get sick Yeah, I know that we can't do this no more, yeah

But baby, there you go again, there you go again making me love you Yeah, I stopped using my head, using my head"

Sanji x Nami - What are words by Chris Medina.

Because it doesn't matter where, when or how. Sanji will Always be there for nami.

"Anywhere you are, I am near Anywhere you go, I'll be there Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see How every single promise I'll keep 'Cause what kind of guy would I be If I was to leave when you need me most"

Zoro x Robin - She's crazy but she's mine by Alex Sparrow.

Because she's crazy, and he always saves her when she's in danger.

"The kinda girl who really loves to dance She loves to mess around with her friends Wanna know her now, wanna love her now I wanna make her be my girl She likes to give a smile to every stranger She loves to get her ass in any danger Wanna love her now, wanna love her now I wanna make her be my girl"

Hiyori x Zoro - Make you feel my love by Adele.

Because she fell in love for him in Wano and was always worried about him and took care of him when he was hurt, but he had to leave.

"When the rain is blowing in your face And the whole world is on your case I could offer you a warm embrace To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear And there is no one there to dry your tears I could hold you for a million years To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet But I will never do you wrong I've known it from the moment that we met No doubt in my mind where you belong"

Koala x Sabo - Can't help falling In love by Elvis Presley.

It's a simple yet beautiful song, as we haven't seen much about them, but I do think Koala couldn't help but falling in love with sabo. :)

"Take my hand Take my whole life, too For I can't help falling in love with you"

I probably forgot a lot of popular ships, tell me what you'd like me to write about next! Don't forget to give me your opinion and other songs for this ships!

#one piece ships #Luffy x boa #luffy x nami #lunami #usopp x kaya #robin x law #lawbin #zorobin #zoro x robin #zoro x tashigi #Zoro x Hiyori #robin x franky #frobin #koala x sabo #zoro x sanji #zosan #ace x yamato #sanji x nami #sanami #sanji x pudding #one peice #zoro #roronoa zoro #monkey d luffy #luffy #nami #cat burglar nami #straw hat pirates #vinsmoke sanji #sanji

[rpstartersinc]

* 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐑𝐔𝐍.

feel free to change pronouns / wording!

“ don't be merciful, don't come back like snow white and the huntsman. ”

“ i've never been to a funeral, i wouldn't have come to this one if i'd known there'd be a dead person. ”

“ i know how emotional occasions like this can be. ”

“ i think we'll manage. ”

“ as soon as he clicks his fingers, you come running. ”

“ is this actually your car? ”

“ i don't make the rules. ”

“ what do you remember? ”

“ i really thought she was my soulmate. ”

“ he might've tied her up and now he's using us as bait. ”

“ we're hansel and fucking gretel. ”

“ i told you not to come in here. ”

“ i've been lied to all my life. ”

“ a jellyfish has no heart and no brain, yet it lives. what could be scarier than that? ”

“ i told you, you can't smoke it straight from the plants! ”

“ women seem to keep drifting away from me. ”

“ you look very cold. ”

“ driving slow in this kind of car is more suspicious. ”

“ who is sitting next to me right now? who, fucking... pablo escobar? ”

“ if you're going to do something ridiculous, i don't want to miss it. ”

“ you saw the blood on the laptop, right? ”

“ why do i have to wait in the car? ”

“ two types of people wear sunglasses in the dark, blind musicians, and cunts. ”

“ not who you were expecting? ”

“ if that sequence of events does not transpire exactly as described, i will murder you, slowly. ”

“ this is your fault. ”

“ if we stay here, we're fucked. ”

“ i can't leave him there, looks like... i killed him. ”

“ don't be sorry, just be helpful. ”

“ why did they do that? why did they shoot him? ”

“ i don't let personal matters get in the way of business. ”

“ did i say to stop? ”

“ can you just... can you stop disappointing me? ”

“ don't shoot anyone until i tell you to. ”

“ i just like it. what's that called? when you can't stop picturing bullets ripping through human flesh. ”

“ i don't wanna kill anyone. ”

“ none of that's secret, it's private. ”

“ what tracker? there's no tracker, this isn't james bond! ”

“ i'm keeping us alive. ”

“ you are the reason that we are running for our lives right now! ”

“ excuse me for taking an opportunity when i saw one. ”

“ no one's ever given me shit. ”

“ we're supposed to be keeping a low profile! ”

“ i used to have a terrible appetite for destruction on me. ”

“ do you think we're safe? ”

“ a great artist knows when to stop. ”

“ i should have known it was you. ”

“ you love a grand entrance. ”

“ your body count shouldn't define you. ”

“ can we just stop talking about death? ”

“ how is love going to make you strong? ”

“ i just fucking killed someone! ”

“ i hear nothing but empty words from everyone. please, i need you to say something real. ”

“ people have died. it just needs to stop, doesn't it? ”

“ breaking and entering is a crime, you know. ”

“ i know you're withholding information. ”

“ i bet they're fucking terrified of you. ”

“ there's no one who will help you out there. ”

“ people respect me, they listen to me. ”

“ you're ruthless, i like that. ”

“ what do you do on a day like this? ”

“ i don't think i can handle prison. ”

“ you shot my fucking phone! ”

“ you don't shoot friends! ”

“ you better not have broken my nose. ”

“ will you shut the fuck up! i'm trying to hear a bird. ”

“ i have a code. ”

“ bit of fun, never mind the consequences to yourself or anybody else. ”

“ you're gonna lecture me? you murder people for money! ”

“ i put up barriers between myself and the world, and there is, there's an isolation. ”

“ for the first time in my life, i'm making an actual choice. ”

“ i am not your friend. ”

“ could i come with you? ”

“ that wasn't part of the arrangement. ”

“ you have no idea what i'm capable of. ”

“ you shouldn't mess with friendship. ”

“ everywhere the awe-inspiring landscapes, i like to be the one inspiring awe. ”

“ you can be driven to do extraordinary things, things you didn't even know were inside of you, that no one understands.. ”

“ some of the things i've done... it's like i'm infected. ”

“ you can act tough all you want... ”

“ there's no reason for violence. ”

“ you're just making it worse. ”

“ i'm sorry i disappointed you, but you disappointed me too. ”

“ i'm sick of pretending i'm something i'm not. ”

“ get away from me, get back! ”

“ you tried to fucking kill me! ”

“ you said you wanted us to get to know each other. ”

“ it's me, i'm getting you out of here. ”

“ that's my fucking sore leg! ”

“ because i said to, now do it and shut up. ”

“ people like me don't get to be in that world. ”

“ my body, my do-whatever-the-fuck-i-feel-like. ”

“ friends for life? fucking bollocks. ”

“ you think i would join you? ”

“ do not sit there waiting for him to find you! ”

“ people get hallucinations, there's like treatment for that shit. ”

“ people see death, they all have the same thought. don't be next, be the survivor. ”

“ you don't just get something because you say you want it. ”

“ be someone people want to be around. ”

“ why is there dead bodies everywhere? ”

“ you came back. ”

“ we look out for each other, that's the rule. ”

#( sentence. ) #sentence starters #sentence meme #rp starters #rp meme #then you run #tv series #crime #drama

[ghost-of-a-system]

Asking about fronting / awareness / existing in Innerworld, how you percieve that, how others might if they see this, idk. (not dx, questioning at "ok there is apparently *something* idk how to comprehend it, so my perception / understanding / the concepts i'm fitting these experiences into might be wrong. but it is not nothing. and dissociation and trauma is medically dx sooo." but like i don't want to fakeclaim.) I see systems / alters talking about being in the headspace, living there, interacting, like they have their own consciousness, going to sleep there or doing activities. And I'm like - how - howwwww how are you that real and separate and alive For me it is more like there's the front room with a big control / signal board and whoever is at these controls is the current I. there's like that omniscient consciousness that is just linked to that front room. and i (?) sometimes see pictures of it or of other Alters, i hear their voices, sometimes we can interact. but conscious I = whoever is at the controls more or less. there'll be intrusions and fragments from elsewhere / others that i might be able to identify as "probably from xy" but not a real other I that exists and is able to think and have its own consciousness??? I think? So how do you do that shift from a collective consciousness to being separate? and like being real and thoughts and feelings and actions *existing* when they arent perceived through that front? Is this even how systems work / would I be a system if it's like that? is this collective PoV just actually all 1 personality that is changing wildly and only the intrusions are a different thing from that? is it all just me and I need to get my shit together and stop imagining stuff? i'm so confused by all this (reminder i'm as far as "there is something complex dissociative going on i guess??" - and that after said brain threatened revolution and unaliving us if we didn't stop denying their existence which uh pretty hard to argue with) honestly i'm amazed i can even type this without getting a strike i think this is the first time i've ever used we this much in a public space and was even thinking about signing off - midi / keeper / plus whoever the mini was in the middle there. also a bunch of others maybe somewhere around too, basically almost everyone who was distinct enough to get a name i guess somehow. but mainly those. ...a bit of time has passed and uh wtf howww what did you do brain?! and i feel obligated to add that this is all just in my head and i might as well have imagined / been crazy like I don't wanna appropriate anything ...more time has passed and I added this & cut out like 4000 words of further rambling: Idk I really hope this makes sense, if not please ask and I'll try to explain further! Also hope this was okay to ask, I really was trying to be respectful and stuff, you don't have to answer!

I feel that what you are describing could very well be perceived as a system one. Of course, the disclaimer... we are no professionals. But, if I am understanding this properly, we relate to feeling as though we are one consciousness, almost... cycling through different identities rather than (metaphorically) individual consciousnesses taking turns with control. At the end of the day, we are all one brain, I suppose! If you are a system, the most I could chalk this up to is simply being a matter of how your individual system functions. It isn't always the same down to the little details as someone else's, and it is all about what your brain needs.

We cannot answer on behalf of systems with complex headspaces, or inner-worlds, in which their alters can manifest and experience fleshed-out lives. We have no inner-world, and have never been able to experience this (Despite attempts). But, I do not believe that the presence of this is required for alters to be considered "more separate", or distinct. We have fairly distinct alters despite having no inner-world, no fronting room, and nothing of the sort. What makes us so distinct is who we are when we are here. But that is just our experience.

We are no inner-world professionals; we hardly understand the ability to visualize in itself! Having aphantasia, and all. It may be better to ask a system who is more experienced with these things. But I will try. You mention wondering how to shift this one consciousness into being more separated, and I'm afraid I do not know if this is possible or something that someone can achieve. Perhaps we are uninformed, in which case I do hope that someone corrects us. I do recall reading about how inner-worlds can be constructed and expanded, if that was something you feel you are interested in, or something you feel could help. After all, inner worlds are visualization tools to help with communication, at the basics. I believe that this is generally achieved through therapy, though I'm sure it isn't required. You can probably try to look more into that online and see if anything helps.

This is the most I feel comfortable suggesting. I do not want to speak too much for something we do not experience.

Feel free to reach out if we misunderstood or should expand upon anything.

Best wishes, Yellowfang

#ghost of a sys asks

[fandomcrazy6226]

Liveblogging Dracula Daily - May 3

So... apparently today is a tumblr holiday considering how much this particular tag is skyrocketing to trending, so I decided to subscribe to Dracula Daily and experience the story for the first time this way.

Yeah, I've never read Dracula, and basically all I know about it is vampires and Transylvania (spelling?) and that MatPat went viral for a... chair scene I probably don't need to go into detail about (only because I'm sure the venn diagram of people who read DD and people who follow MatPat already know about it).

So... enjoy this girl's first look into this 127-year-old book. First entry, let's go!

First off, I don't think I'll be able to read this without picturing MatPat as Jonathan so that is just going to stick around. Late trains are a plague on the world, one time my dad and I were up until about 3 in the morning waiting for a layover train in Chicago. Fun times.

OK one thing I do know about this is that there's a weird amount of recipe-tracking and apparently paprika so just for funsies I'm gonna keep a count of both. Recipe count: 1 (chicken w/ red pepper) ; Paprika: 1 (name of chicken).

Ooh, the British Museum! *insert joke about stolen artifacts here* Yeah, big brain moment to actually look into the country you're traveling to. I feel like that's something I would fail to do tbh.

I should probably keep track of all this. Carpathian mountains contain Transylvania, Moldavia, Bukovina. And the castle isn't on any maps which nowadays would probably be suspicious but I guess back in 1897 it wouldn't have turned so many heads. Oh this next section is all geography isn't it

Ok. Saxons and Wallachs in the South, and Wallachs are descended from Dacians. Magyars in the West, and Szekelys in East and North. ...no disrespect to any of these groups if they're real (I'm not sure) but these names look a bit like someone trying to scoot around the rules with a word in scrabble. Oh and apparently the Szekelys are descended from the Huns (Let's get down to business!!!). And all of the superstitions in the world are written down in one place in these mountains? Logistics?

"I did not sleep well, though my bed was comfortable enough" literally me every night this past week. Might be time to go back on the melatonin. Paprika count: 2 (cause of weird dreams? Can paprika give you weird dreams? *google* doesn't look like it) Ohhhh the paprika made him thirsty so he was up all night drinking water. That makes more sense.

Oh my god Paprika count: 3. Part of his breakfast. Incidentally, Recipe count: 2 (corn flour porridge and eggplant stuffed with... whatever forcemeat is. Mixture of meat and vegetables. Okay then) Ha! And again with the late trains. It really sucks when you do so much to be on time for something and then the something decides to make itself late.

Well now I wanna see this scenery out the train cause it's described super pretty. Alright these are some very interesting-looking outfits being described here. Cowboy hats? Were those even a thing when this book came out? I mean obviously yes they were if they're in this but like... what.

OK Bistritz is the town near the castle, yes? And apparently this town has been through some stuff. 13,000 death count, yikes!

I love how this guy is so happy his hotel is old-fashioned. Like that's such a definite eager history nerd moment. I can see why tumblr likes this guy.

Well that letter is a lot more friendly than I'm aware this turns out. I guess I'll see how it turns batshit crazy in the next couple days? I don't actually know how this story is really paced, but hopefully the next update happens tomorrow cause I really like this.

#dracula daily #liveblogging #dracula #jonathan harker #matpat #paprika #recipes

[all-things-normaler]

i wanna write fanfics but i'm not sure how to keep everyone in character and to write normal dialogue. do you have any advice? thank you!

Okay so, I've written fanfiction and roleplayed for nine years, and I know it's scary and hard at first, but eventually with enough practice, writing will become as easy as breathing air.

First thing I do is envision the scene in my mind, like a movie! What's the setting? The mood? What kind of characters are here? What's the plot? Materialize all of this in your brain and do not force yourself to make dialogue, it'll come up to you naturally. Think of yourself as the actor for all these characters, feel their emotions, study their motives, backgrounds, passions and even body mannerisms.

If you're dealing with a pairing or characters that correlate with each other, try to think. What are their similarities and opposites? Are they really all that similar or is it one or two few traits? This is where the Venn Diagram comes in! That's the method I've been taught at school, and honestly, I could make a list but the Venn Diagram helps me visualize things better. To be honest I have sharp memory to things I'm fixated in, so I don't do it physically, but it's very useful! And YES, while studying these characters annotate everything that could be useful in writing dialogue.

Do they have an accent? A lisp? Is there any vocabulary depending of where they were raised?

I have things to say about these things in dialogue and the first two are more personal and up to my taste.

Personally when people write "accents" that aren't like Country or Irish accents that actually have different words in the vocabulary, when you replace the letters to make the "sound" and in a way create new words, not only does it look messy, it IS messy to read! It's an unfortunate phenomenon in the Team Fortress 2 Fandom lol.

EXAMPLE: "Viz is not good. Vhat was a vad decision."

For these instances, use regional words and spellings for the dialogue, it says much more than what I've told you. Are they british? Use words like "favourite" instead of "favorite" etc. Trust me, the readers aren't dumb people, you can do ONE paragraph describing that your character has an accent and they would understand.

I think my gripe against that style of writing isn't only aesthetically but also because I'm bilingual (my native tongue being Spanish) so honestly, it would look a little offensive reading a fanfiction where my type of accent is typed like that.

When writing bilingual people ALSO avoid this:

Like prideling said, that one's a big example of what bilingual people do. Even in their own native language! I constantly forget to say "accurate" in Spanish lmao.

And we do not "switch" languages, we aren't Dora The Explorer. We can greet and talk normally to people. Only times I'd say bilinguals happen to jump back at their native tongue accidentally it's when they're surprised? It's happened to me, but for a very short time. Bilingual readers prefer to be represented with the struggles of knowing two languages and showcasing their culture throughout descriptive paragraphs over anything.

Anyway, moving on... DIALOGUE!

This is a classic. Do NOT get comfortable with the verb said. Try using other words like: exclaimed, announced, warned, shouted, whispered, etc!

The more you write, the more you'll learn about these verbs, adverbs and adjectives and it'll come handy tremendously. We don't want to have too much repetition do we?

I am also handing you this emotion wheel that will be incredibly useful if you're starting writing:

Speaking of repetition... Remember that thing I said about studying your characters? Try to avoid too much repetition of one word between the two characters. As you may have noticed people have a cadence and ways of speaking. If you do that a lot, people will break from the immersion and think it's you who's talking, not the character.

Another classic! SHOW, DON'T TELL.

If you're into writing, you'll probably have heard this saying before. All writers have committed this sin when they started writing, using adverbs and adjectives too obsessively instead of narrating how the character feels.

Is your character anxious? How about instead of doing:

“Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! What am I supposed to do now!?” He anxiously exclaimed.

We do...

“Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He tightly gripped onto his jet black hair and ripped it from his scalp into shreds. Pain was the last thing he cared about when a bigger torture was on his mind. His chest constricted, his lungs having less oxygen filled with hot air. The corners of his eyes burned, and his brain constantly banged to the corners of his skull begging to free it from this horrible outcome. The man started to lose his senses, he couldn't smell the horrible stench from his machines, or feel the bottom of his feet anxiously walking in circles, his fingers were getting tingly and numb. Onceler couldn't even see the insides of his destroyed mansion and the deforestation he caused from his window. All of it was a blur and too much too handle, the weight of his actions fell into his mind and stomach, forever scarred and stuck like that last stump in the middle of what used to be a vibrant Truffula Tree forest.

“What am I supposed to do now!?” He scratched his knotted throat as loud as he could, ripping his vocal chords. It didn't matter if he could hear himself now, he didn't listen to his real soul in the past, and now, no one will listen to him now. No matter how much he begged for help.

Alright, that was a little big example there haha! But you get it right? Here's a picture to help you visualize better.

Mind you, the first example isn't bad to use! Just don't constantly use it. It's good to show a story throughout the actions of your character!

Alright, what else... what else... oh yes!

Be mindful of spellchecking bots!

I'll be honest to you, I do use them! They come incredibly handy because sometimes I mess up verbs or I just simply add too many spaces or create typos without meaning to! But remember that bots are bots, and at the end of the day they don't have humanity. They're AI. Therefore, these bots might make suggestions to change certain words because they don't recognize it as part of the vocabulary, but if you do click on everything they suggest, your dialogue will become very robotic and lacking of stylization. Keep those peepers open!

Use a beta reader?

I never had one. To me, writing is a very personal thing and for me to have one, they would have to share the same fandom that I'm writing of to be trustworthy. Beta Readers can be useful because they can point out mistakes other than spelling ones. Something the bots CANNOT do. They can point out weird things in dialogue, plot holes, etc.

Learn of your narration voice.

The way you narrate is your brush strokes of art but in writing! What type of a narrator are you? The unreliable type? The classic? Or just a narrator with a god complex? Have fun with that! And remember, if you want to narrate not as a narrator or yourself but as one of the characters, REMEMBER to study the character. Basically, the first tip I gave you.

Stuttering.

Don't overuse it. And we don't always stutter like: "b-b-but!" NO! Instead, try slurring the words, and adding ellipsis (the three dots ...)

Not only is it more realistic, but it looks better on writing.

This image is something I struggle with too, but it'll be useful to see it now!

Honestly, my path for writing has been rocky and I raw-dogged this shit, so it's an honor being able to help you! If you ever have any doubts keep coming here! I love to get in more depth, but I've been making this post for like an hour already!

I think that's all I can give you for now! Lots of people that have read my fanfics and roleplays have pointed out that dialogue is my forte! It's rather flattering. As always, I don't give tips or boast about my writing without evidence, so here's a snippet of a Normaler fanfic I'm writing:

“I brought you some things. Water and a towel. Hopefully that's enough.” She handed him the materials and he gladly took them, opening the water bottles and damping the towels.

“Thanks. It's tomatoes. I doubt there's a lot to get me dirty with those.” He chuckled awkwardly, before rushing to rub the towel against his cheek.

Norma smiled, raising her eyebrows.

“I take it that you're a foreigner?”

“You can tell?”

“Your accent. Yeah.” Norma stretched her legs as she sat next to him. “You're one of those cowboys?” She grinned back at the man.

The Once-ler laughed, and my... did he have a goofy laugh. Not what she expected.

“I wish. It sounds like fun, but where I come from, rural life is pretty boring.” He continued to rub the towel against his clothes.

“Greenville doesn't like foreigners.” She explained bluntly. “They always come here with bad intentions.” She furrowed her eyebrows with a teasing smirk, causing the Once-ler to dramatically gasp, a hand on his chest.

“B-But I ain't coming here with bad intentions!”

#writing tips #ask

[cemetery-drive-sys]

I'm anon who asked you about how you came to find out about your system and how they sound like. I have another thing to ask as well. There is one of the things that keeps me in denial about all of the research I've done despite particularly relating to a lot of OSDD/P-DID systems experiences (i.e: passive influence, thought insertion kinda like we discussed about different things to say to outter world friends, feeling like a different version of yourself over time like as if it's like putting a costume on, etc) but whenever I do that i am zoned out having a scenario in my head and they're like I have these convos with non existent people but at the same time it feels like someone "metaphorically" there. I would say we/us and there were two times that I found that I was doing it without subconsciously aware of it and it bothered me but I just continued doing it as I couldn't stop referring myself that way even though i did it interchangeably. I can't really just "force" a conversation or ask them anything. The conversation will just come out of no where and we engage but I have no control in that so I guess that's one way? It's hard to go by the tips people give on increasing communication because how is that like? Is it like spewing out words that you didn't even think for a second to formulate and it just comes out? I've had that sometimes and it questions about certain situations during conversations I had with people because two weeks ago I felt like I was present in my own world (being in my head) but being present in the real world as I was talking to my psych nurse about my dissociation and still feeling denial about not resonating on some things of the "over all" picture of plurality because it isn't what is commonly presented in most systems.

You don't have to answer this ofc, I've been asking a lot of systems on their experiences while I'm still researching. I am looking into the haunted self and coping with trauma related dissociation books and the examples they give relates to a lot about myself.

That happens to us a lot as well, insys communication can be hard for a lot of systems, especially those in denial. With thing like this, I've learned that the "overall picture" isn't usually the most common experience, everyone's is gonna be different and not everyone will fit into those boxes. Weve experienced a lot of the same things you're describing so from what I think you could definitely be a sys, but then again I don't know you personally. I'm proud of you for doing research and asking questions to multiple systems, because like I said everyone's experience is different.

Sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense I'm kind of eepy and my brain isn't really braining

-🕸️, ???

(ps. if you wanna have more actual like conversations about this then feel free to dm me on discord (@.labyrinthine.) or on here :3 /nf/sug)

#endos dni #anti endo #did osdd #osddid #dissociative identity disorder #pdid #pdid system #dissociative system #did plurality #pdid plurality #osdd plurality #anon ask #system stuff #traumagenic system

[actualbird]

woop i guess here i go− does it ever bother u how they don't really ever quite explain what's going on with luke's illness other than "aAAAH he'S sUDDENLY in PAIN!!1!1!" and some sort of nerve damage and what not... not that it doesn't make it any less sadder... BUT!!! sometime ago i looked up the symptoms of nerve damage and apparently it says stuffs like sharp pains (which we see happen often to luke through out) BUT ALSO numbness, tingling, loss of muscle strength, and suddenly dropping stuff??? so i'm just wondering if you have any headcanons on luke's illness? DO YOU THINK HE'S JUST IN CONSTANT STINGING PAIN, AND HIS PAIN KILLERS ARE SO STRONG IT JUST NUMBS HIS WHOLE BODY??? OR DO YOU THINK HE ALTERNATES BETWEEN FEELING NUMB AND SUDDEN SHARP PAINS??? this has been my personal hc ever since jfjsjd i'm sorry you could see i'm a luke stan cause all luke stans are angst enjoyers /hj i just wanted to share my brain rot to the world thank you

hi anon!!! first off, i deffo wanna say uve come to the right place both abt luke hcs (because im a luke enjoyer first, a human being second) AND thoughts about his illness

tho i wouldnt say im bothered by how they dont explain the symptoms of his illness much since narratively, i can see how this would be necessary to maintain a certain amount of suspense on the NXX drug

however, ur so right in bringing up those other symptoms, bc ive got a bunch of thoughts and feelings about this!!

for context, i also have a longtime undiagnosed-after-years-of-tests neurological condition, but it's not serious and more just a lifetime inconvenience. i experience muscle myoclonus, which means that at any time without warning, my legs, arms, or neck can suddenly jerk into movement and ive actually got a bunch of those symptoms u mention haha!

but enough about that! lemme go thruuuuu

some of my thoughts/hcs on luke's illness

wc: 1.7k

before i start, this is whole thing is going to be mixing fiction (tot's story) and fact (IRL information on certain illnesses, medications, etc). the fiction bit is important because while tot describes luke's condition and shows us its effects, does Not name what it is, and the whole thing is still shrouded in a lot of mystery. but the fact bit is important because there are real conditions out there that are similar to what luke has, based on what we know.

among them, Fibromyalgia seems like the closest real world condition to what luke has got, but since it's not outright stated in canon, i'll be making some stuff up. still, it's important to me to have like, a somewhat sensible system in making stuff up, which is why im laying down all this ground work jhvjdhsfd, and because in the hc portion of this post i'll be riffing off of some of my own experience

anyhoo, let's REALLY start with what we already Know

-

what we know of luke's illness thus far from all the available story information from the global server

key words in that above title are "global server", because im aware that main story episode 9 in the cn server looks like it'll give us more info on this, but i dont like to or want to spoil myself for tot's future main story. so i'll be working within global server parameters!

so heres everything we know (...or rather, what i was able to remember in the course of me writing this response HAHA), as its been outright said and confirmed in canon:

luke's condition is currently diagnosed as terminal

luke's condition mostly manifests in sudden pain episodes that happen randomly and without warning. these pain episodes are not described to be coming from any specific body part, just that it's pain in general.

these pain episodes happen without any external trigger (i.e. luke doesnt have a pain episode when somebody bumps into him suddenly, but he can have a pain episode out of nowhere just doing something as passive as sitting or standing)

immediately after a pain episode, he takes his meds

these meds are analgesics (painkillers) and he was prescribed them by his previous doctor (the one who was handling luke and his condition before aaron)

even now that aaron has taken over as luke's primary physician, luke still takes painkillers immediately after any pain episode to manage the pain

luke's condition was caused by the NXX drug. after a mission where his team was attacked with toxic gas, he was the only survivor and the medicine he was given was somehow contaminated with the NXX substance

the NXX drug causes damage to the central nervous system, and luke's condition is confirmed to be related to his nervous system because in SSR Under The Milky Way, he describes his condition very specifically with the lines "[The contaminant] caused irreversible damage to my nervous system." and "[I] will constantly suffer from intermittent nerve pain."

-

hcs on The Experience Of The Condition

the main physical symptom we see in canon is pretty clear: sudden and randomly occurring debilitating pain. i like to think it's of the stinging variety!! but dialed up to 10000000 because it's always shown to be intense enough that always luke reacts to the pain. and luke's pain tolerance is High. in personal story 4, he didnt even flinch when mc was stitching up his gash, but he did double over in pain, trembling and shaking, when he got hit with one of the pain episodes.

in addition to the pain though, i totally second the motion on the symptoms of numbness, tingling, loss of muscle strength (which then leads him to train more to compensate for any loss, because luke is a madman with low self worth and one of his skills is his physical strength so he needs to keep that up for as long as he can), and suddenly dropping stuff, the ones you mention. a

those are my thoughts on possible physical symptoms. but with a condition as heavy as this, there will be psychological/emotional ramifications too

because of how tot's canon shows luke experiencing the Pain Symptom, the pain itself is put front and center. but personally i also think that the fact this symptom occurs Randomly, Suddenly, and Without Warning is on the same level of "oh god why this" as the pain

in general, not being able to know when your body is going to start working against you really really sucks! you cant prevent it, you cant avoid it, and you cant see it coming. sure you Can prepare for its random eventuality through out the day, which is what luke does by carrying around his painkillers everywhere with him, but even then, that only alleviates the specific instance currently happening and not the overall trend of It'll Happen Again! When? Secret....

it's hugely frustrating. in my case with involuntary movement, eventually i tried to constantly and impossibly try to expect it so that when it does happen, i dont knock over glass to the floor or fall down the stairs

but always trying to expect something you cant predict causes tension and anxiety.

luke's condition is much more severe and painful than my quirk. so keeping a mental background program, so to speak, always running and looking out for a pain episode of his condition must suck bigtime.

because he'll basically always be bracing himself for pain, even when nothing is happening.

and on a metaphorical level, being constantly braced for pain even when things are fine is something luke does A Lot. luke is always worried and preparing for worst case scenarios, luke is always trying to think ahead to have various backup plans to ensure people's safety, and luke seems more used to pain and bad things than he is prepared for happiness and good things.

bracing himself for pain gives luke a semblance of control over something that is terrifyingly out of his control completely. at least if hes always thinking about its inevitability, he'll have things that can help mediate its effects. but the price for that control is a constant tension and dread building inside of him every second, because hes always waiting for the other shoe to drop

-

my ideal hope for luke's story when a kind of treatment for his condition is found

i dont actually want for the condition to be completely cured. like, dont get me wrong, i obviously want the Terminal aspect of his condition treated because i love him and want him to live a long and happy life, but i dont want all of his symptoms gone. personally, i'd find it much more compelling narratively if his condition is treated and will no longer kill him in a few years, but still causes him pain that needs to be managed with meds and other treatments. and why i want this is because:

1 ) given the sheer struggle of his condition in the story thus far AND the fact that luke himself literally said the damage done to his nervous system is Irreversible, having a medical miracle like that happen feels a teensy bit like a deus ex machina to me. (sidenote: ofc, ur free to disagree with me! and feel free to disagree with this whole post in general, we've all got different opinions and thats chill)

2 ) in general with stories, i am less drawn to super neat resolutions and im more drawn to resolutions that are more like "and things werent perfect and they never will be, there will always be problems, but our characters will be okay and theyll keep getting better and better, and it's in this push and pull of struggle and learning and progress and getting through where their happiness lies"

ever since luke was a kid, even before he developed his condition, hes had the fear of being a burden to his loved ones. and when he does get his terminal condition, this fear is worsened and he starts to see his existence in other people's lives as a whole as a burden of pain and grief that isnt worth the trouble. and...i dunno, i just like the idea of him continuing to live but also continuing to have these problems that still spark fear inside of him and still take so much work to manage every day. and out of habit, he braces himself for pain, not just for the kind his condition gives him but from Life because Surely, His Loved Ones Will Get Tired Of All Of This, Of Him and The Problems He Comes With, Right?

but surprise surprise, they dont. because they care about him. because this should not and is not a dealbreaker for them continuing to care about him.

aaron creates treatment thats more on the preventative maintenance meds angle so luke doesnt have to just wait for a pain episode to pop up and then dry swallow painkillers every time. it's not infallible , but sometimes luke can have hours, even a whole a day sometimes where the pain hes bracing himself for doesnt come.

mc always reminds luke to take his meds whenever luke gets too busy or caught up in a case. he worries at first that it's an inconvenience to her for her to have to remember his routines for him just in case, but that worry becomes quieter as luke realizes she reminds him in the same tone as she says "good morning" or "have you had lunch yet? wanna join me?", just this casual and loving thing thats now integrated into both their lives

the team are always ready to help too in their own way. when luke gets a pain episode in hq, marius offers distraction in the form of idle chatter on (harmless) internal pax gossip while luke waits for his painkillers to dull down the stinging. when luke feels uncomfortable tingling crawling across his whole body while out with vyn, vyn subtly helps luke move from a crowded area to a quieter one where outside stimuli cant further overwhelm luke's senses. when it's a bad grip strength day and all luke wants to do is punch something and fuck his useless hands up even more, artem tells luke about custom silicone grips that exist for things like pens or knives or such and that they could look for some next time they go shopping.

it is not perfect. but luke's life, even with the pain, is still worth living. everybody is trying to help and eventually, luke learns how to start helping him self along with them too.

soooo yea theres my thoughts!! thanks for the ask, anon :D

#tears of themis #luke pearce #tot luke #xia yan #sorry this ask took forever for me to answer btw huhu...im always ded these days orz #asks #anon

[sapphire-weapon]

Ok so you talked about a problem with fandom where people like to insert "siblings" when describing Leon and Ashley's relationship and i just wanna share my side of the story on this matter

So when it comes to how younger generation (mine) views sex and all that wonderful stuff, i will say this and i speak for myself personally because I'm not from the West, so I don't know if the problem you're describing is only prevalent there more than in other parts of the world.

I'm Ashley's age, i can see myself in her and at no point would i ever describe anything remotely between her and Leon as a sibling dynamic tbf, even using that word on them just makes me feel weird for some reason. I like to ship them together because yeah Leon is hot and caring and a prince charming in that game and I'd fuck his brains out in that time setting. The more i played through the game the more it got wild I'll be honest. Only issue i have is that when you put yourself in Ashley's shoes like me, you're facing a person that as the game progresses closer to the end just feels like is giving you subtle hints that nothing will ever come out of this and yet you want him in your life still for some reason.

I don't know if I'm making much sense but I'm pretty sure i could relate big time with Ashley in that regard. Which i see now why you say they're essentially strangers to one another after everything has passed.

That's all I wanted to share, sorry if it's all over the place. I just think fandom has different reactions to these relationships all over and it's not always the same. But siblings? Throw that shit outta here please.

it's one of those things that's like

not everyone in the younger generation calls them siblings

but almost all of the people who call them siblings are in the younger generation.

it's kind of like how not all criminals are killers, but all killers are criminals.

it's also not even a western mindset; i'd say it's a predominantly american mindset. judging from the timings of people interacting with this blog, i'd say a good chunk of my followers are EU people. and i know i have a decent number from asia too.

and i'd be willing to bet that those numbers translate into the wider fandom. i'd bet money that the vast majority of eagleone people are EU and asia. i think there are very, very few americans in this ship.

we've failed our kids here in the US. i think about it all the fuckin time, man.

[skiesofaquaria]

Fear & Hunger: Finished!

23.6 hours and 30% of the wiki later and alas, here we are Fear and Hunger was kinda intimidating at first, but most of it came down the to publicity of it. I don't think I could call it "cruel" or "brutal", it just has a different gameplay loop than the games most usually play. Hell, I don't wanna speak too soon but it really feels like Dark Souls all over again, except in this case F&H is good. What I'm saying is that if you make YouTube essays you should die

To make it simple: the game's core philosophy is "bash your head against a ball until it cracks before your heads does". Death does not matter much as runs (to Le'garde) aren't supposed to last more than half an hour, and each death does not reward you with any items or permanent progression stuff but knowledge, which sounds corny as shit and I hate agreeing with youtubers but it's true. Died to a certain enemy? Avoid them next time. Fell down a toilet and had to commit suicide? Don't!. Pulled off a sword from some rubble and got crushed by debree? Avoid it or try something else! Slowly but surely you start developing your own route, you can get to places that took you an hour in mere minutes, you know what areas to visit and which aren't worth it, which items you want, and most importantly: How to cheese every encounter and every moment of the game

On a lore level I still don't think I'm qualified to talk, I've read as many books as possible but I still have some doubts here and there. What I can say however is that, as a sucker of Lovecraftian horror, the way the dungeon works, look, and feels was, put simply, my shit, same thing applies to most inhabitants of the dungeon as well

And that's the real golden detail of Fear & Hunger, the "feel". I hate words because I really don't know how to describe a "feel" other than by just, idk shove an electric rod in my brain and analyze the neuron connections to see what I mean. To put it as best as I can: The mechanics of the game really feel "fitting" to the atmosphere. Even when you're overpowered you still don't have fights guaranteed, you can always lose a limb or fail a cointoss and guess what no amount of Eastern Sword crits are gonna save you now. The dungeons feel heavy and dark, every new enemy is a terrifying learning experience, a question of "is he just a normal grunt or does he-" and the Lizardman raises his shield and now D'arce killer herself like an idiot; and once again, it's your knowledge that will defeat the dungeons, not your Strength stat

There's only one moment where I feel the game was bullshit and that was the room right before the very final boss, there's a mage there that constantly casts hurting and tears your limbs, and there's a good chance you won't find him in time before both your arms and legs are gone, so yea that's a good 15 minutes of progress lost to pretty much a quicktime event where you have to guess the inputs, now you need another 15 minutes of walking and avoiding stuff just for another chance of finding that fucker. It's less than 1% of the game but when everything else felt near perfect it really annoyed me that it was at the very last moment where something had to go wrong

But other than that, game's good, gave me a type of brainrot I haven't felt in a long long while. Would recommend if you thought Saya from Saya no Uta was cute (this post was written in a notepad and proofread exactly 0 times)

#fear #hunger #fear and hunger #review #who up mauling they crow