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sugaroto · 10 months

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*venting*

How much of an idiot can someone be to mock someone's death and grief like that

He's always been stupid. We all know it by now. He always mocked me. Made me cry and laughed about it. I grew up now and he's mocking my cousin. He's full of bullshit

You're nearly 50 and you want to make fun of a kid that lost his dad? Oh how funny you are

"What difference would it make if he was here?"

Are you fucking stupid?

Idk. Maybe a 9 year old wouldn't have to be told that- FUck

Great niw I'm crying

He was a good man. He cared for all of us. He's everywhere

He was the one who painted my room, who fixed my door, my chair, my closet, who gave me his old printers that helped me with school stuff

My last text to him was a photo of our washing machine bc he helped with that too somehow

He was the one that drove us to the beach every Sunday

And I know pretty much everyone helped with barbecues but I think he was doing most of the work

And he wasn't supposed to die. It happened fast and unfair and he was young. And he had a son

He was excited to see his son reaching the "big 10" next year

...

His absence ruined the whole family

"It should have been me" was what my grandfather said and even if I wasn't there to hear him saying it it still hurts

"Where's dad?" He thought his parents came home unexpected to surprise him when he saw his mom. I'm sorry I didn't tell you when I learned it. I couldn't. For a while I thought you hated me for lying. But I love you and the only way I can help you through this is by keeping you company

My youngest aunt was lucky enough to have 2 kids to take care off that kept her occupied

But my mom spent most of the time with my oldest aunt. Grieving. And keeping her company

They were both taking antidepressants at some point

I'm not sure if my aunt is still taking them

But whenever she stopped and her period was close she would snap and hate all of us. We know she didn't mean it, but I hope he didn't heard his mom when she said all that she said

Tho I'm sure he did. Whenever he suspects something is wrong or he sees his mom ready to cry he pays attention

...

Well this was originally supposed to be about how stupid my uncle can be that mocks my dead uncle and my cousin but this turned to a whole other thing...

Well, in school at some point they told us writing letters with our feelings to people and never send them could help. Consider this my letter

My uncle died on August 2021, it's not... a new thing. Though it'd be a lie to say we're ok now

My cousin finally went to therapy about it just the other week. I don't know if he really wanted to tho, he was against it at first. Saying the therapist was a "Μαλακας, γύφτος, Πακιστανός, άχρηστος, φτωχός και θα του πω να μου δώσει όλα τα λεφτά του για να πάρω xbox" He usually doesn't swear. And idk why he's been so obsessed lately with the whole Πακιστανός και γύφτος thing. He's a good kid I swear, I know this sounded awful but he's not usually like that

My other uncle has been an asshole about it from the start tho "Ε και που τον είχες τι έκανε? Όλη μέρα κοιμόταν" (and what about him being here? He didn't do much, just slept all day) are you fucking stupid? "Γιατί τι διαφορά θα είχε αφού ο γιος σου παίζει όλη μέρα στο xbox"(what would be the difference your son is playing xbox the whole day) ???? are you fucking stupid

A whole human died and thats your reaction to it?

#shit #ok im tired #im not even sure if this whole thing even makes sense bc i felt like i jumped from one thing to the other #whatever #i know what i meant #απλα του αρέσει να προκαλεί. να κανει παιδια να κλαίνε και να γελάει #απορώ τι του βρηκε η θεία μ ωρες ωρες #όποτε δημιουργεί ενα θεμα και το συζηταει η μαμα μ με την θεια μ στεναχωριουνται για την αλλη μ θεια π καταλήγει #στο ενδιάμεσο. γτ ειναι καλή και μας νοιάζεται ολους και προσπαθεί. και εχει περασει και εκείνη πολλα #και εχει εναν μαλακα για αντρα... τέλος παντων #ολο μου το σοι εχει περάσει πολλα. πρωτα η μανα μ με μενα και τον αλλο τον μαλακα #μετα η θεια μ που αρρώστησε #και τωρα αυτο #vent #vent tw #sugarenia vent #sugarenia thoughts #sugarenia talks #sugarenia has family

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dzchris · 1 year

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hello, it's jamie, again, still, this time here to introduce absolute piece of trash chris kwon. i still am also the mun of @dzyuanjun and @dzyena i will not let you all forget i fear. yet again no plot page here (yet, i say hopefully, delusionally even) buuuut do feel free to read his profile and biography respectively. or don't. i'm not here to tell you what to do. i'll leave a rundown of them (derogatory) below the cut so feel free to check that out too. feel free to like this post or send me an im or if you prefer discord, just say so and i'll add you there

triggers: parental neglect, bullying

chris kwon... my beloathed... can't stand their bitchass

non-binary, goes by he/they pronouns in general, just he/him works tho, in work settings and stuff

a cali boy (gender neutral), grew up in the states hence their perpetual 'relatable western-korean idol' stint that baekho media shoves down everyone's throats

grew up in a rocky family situation, mother's side is korean diaspora that settled in the us and their dad was a korean nepotism baby studying in the states for pretentious rich people reasons. no shocker that chris' dad was out the door the second he realized he had knocked his not all that serious fling up

chris' mom is... not that much better. kind of a hot mess of a person. def not capable of raising a child, leave alone one she kinda rlly didn't want

chris isn't privy to the fine details but at some point during very early childhood they almost got put in the system on grounds of child negligence but his aunt (his mother's sister) stepped in at the last moment and took over custody, chris and their mother both have been living with his aunt and her family ever since (which tbh is as long as chris can remember)

so obviously his bond with his mom is also Not Great, his aunt always tried her best as far as she could but tbh with his uncle and his older cousins also kinda despising chris' bitchass, family stuff has always been tricky

school wasn't much better, chris got picked on a lot as a kid and he always retaliated with outbursts or violence or something that vein which in turn always got him in even more trouble

yeah, chris has always been an angry defensive kid,,, still is a i fear

went to an alpha entertaiment audition with friends and somehow??? got in??? they were also kinda surprised by that but hey they were more than willing to take the excuse to get out their family situation and just yeet to korea instead, so they did

training under alpha ent was... not a good time... not for chris or any of the other trainees tbh. chris didn't really have much experience backing him up and quickly found himself with a raging inferiority complex which in turn only... made them Angrier and More Competitive

ngl they spent most of the 5? 6? years under alpha just arguing and fighting with just about anyone he could

ofc, clover debuted and chris wasnt in the debut line-up lmao

what did he expect 1) he couldn't stand any of these bitches and 2) i think they would have combusted on the spot if they had to sing baby

chris stuck another handful of years in alpha after that, continuing their shitty attitude vibe, not rlly sure what else to do with himself

until eventual baekho media hit them up like hey bestieeee wanna join our label if you do we'll promise you a spot on our upcoming survival show as one of our own label's representatives

and what was chris gonna do? say no?

they were kinda rlly popular on top five? they had like 5/6 years worth of trainee experience and baekho milked tf out of that 'former alpha trainee that was supposed to be in clover' narrative

was it true? no but it did earn chris the number one spot in the very first episode, not falling out of the top three for the first half-ish or so of the show

chris seemed kinda set for debut but ofc, like all good things in their life, they had to ruin it for themself

as he acted all around selfish, difficult, confrontational and sometimes straight up Mean to the other competitors, aided by very dramatic evil editing, chris found himself slipping down the rankings until he was actually not in the top 5 for the first time since the beginning of the show by the last episode before the finale

they ended up scraping in at fifth place, barely, and tbh chris has a tiny personal conspiracy theory that maybe baekho media rigged them into that fifth place spot. no real evidence for that. just cuz chris doubts he could've brought anything to a good end by himself

so yeah, top five is over now, 5ummit set to debut and chris is,,, impossibly struggling with overcoming the urge to fistfight their new members on a daily basis, to not see them as competition but as coworkers anymore

needless to say chris is bad at making friends, he's generally guarded and mean and callous, which as a not-even-debuted-yet idol is something that makes it very easy to come across as rude or disrespectful

chris can be charming and flirty in that fuckboy-y (gender neutral) sense when they want to be, the cool badboy (gender neutral) archetype

but most of the time he's just, a poorly held together pile of anger issues and feelings of inferiorty

so yeah,,,, have fun trying to befriend chris,,, they're a piece of work

they're??? kinda trying to no longer be evil, just want to experience love and affection now but it's an uphill battle, that's for sure

#❇ — ooc.#dz:intro

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audiovisualrecall · 2 days

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My mom's brother is such a schmuck. He's been angry since she told him that their dad made her executer of the will and the beneficiary of his account (s? Anyway theres plenty of money for each of us, her brother included, she just gets an additional amount from a separate thing as beneficiary), because her brother is a jackass who thinks because he's the one who went to law school and worked in tax law like their dad did, that means he should've been entrusted with things, and resents that his sister who was 'only' a teacher was given them.

and has decided that somehow my mom manipulated or convinced their dad to make those decisions, and has made complaints this whole time, first that she didn't immediately have the estate pay him back for paying for the funeral, even though she couldn't have done that right away, then he was angry that she bought their dad's car from the estate, and then he has kept making a fuss about how long its taking to sell the apartment, even though it wasn't sellable for most of the time due to issues with the building (flooding in the basement level caused damage to the building, no laundry, no garage access and limited street parking, and now the balconies are all fucked and not allowed to be used and the co-op has to fix everything, and the co-op board is embroiled in some stupid petty bullshit)

he doesn't care, and he's decided she has 'mismanaged' the estate, and keeps threatening fucking legal action. He thinks he can take the control of the estate from her because he's knowledgeable about law shit, because he thinks he is superior to her. He's refusing to come to the unveiling and actually told her his family would not be coming either, like he can control his adult children (tho my older cousin is a dick too anyway so who cares, but my younger cousin is her own person ffs), but anyway he's not going to come to the unveiling of his father's gravestone because he's being a little pissbaby for stupid fucking sexist elitist reasons or some shit like wtf?????

And also! She let him know that my dad is doing well and healing etc and he was like 'oh good, I can proceed with legal action now [without feeling guilty]' like literally. What the fuck.

It really really sucks bc when he wasn't being a schmuck I enjoyed spending time with him and my aunt! And he's just fucking ruined everything for stupid fucking reasons.

Also like. the reason my zayde made my mom in charge of the estate is because we ALWAYS included him in everything. He was always over for friday night dinners (since my grandma died at least, and even then we spent time with them both a lot iirc), he came with us on vacations, ma made sure he was included in things, checked on him, brought him to appointments, helped him with anything he needed, she tried to get him to do free classes at the local college for fun with her (beurocratic bs got in the way), we did birthdays together and dinners out and holidays together and we turned down invitations to our other cousins' for holidays because it would run too late for zayde to enjoy it, we went to shows and ballgames and walks and museums together, and went to services at shul together, and tossed bread in the lake together before Yom Kippur, and we never expected anything, she didn't do it for any reason except that this was her dad who she loved and wanted to see him happy and healthy and make sure he got to enjoy time with his family. He loved the early morning walks with his great-grandson when we all went on vacation together.

And her fucking useless brother barely came by, barely called, never invited his dad to come up to their place in Vermont, he would just say if he wanted to my MOM should drive their dad up! And he couldn't drive him up with them himself because the DOG needed space in the car. He didn't ever make the fucking effort, and then expected to be entrusted with their dad's estate just because uhhhh???? Stupid male entitlement???

And their dad made my mom beneficiary literally because neither of my parents made half as much $ as her brother did, we did become more upper middle class over the years but that's not where things started out, and even still there was no comparison to how well-off her brother is, and so yeah her dad felt that she needed the money from that account more than her brother did. I'm sure even if he'd made just like, us grandkids the beneficiaries if that's possible, he would still have thrown a fit. But that was my grandfather's prerogative, and it wasn't expected or asked for, and it's just. His dad would be SO fucking disappointed in him. And he doesn't fucking care.

Idk like. Just. He cried at the funeral, he won't come to the unveiling. Tbh i really think he was/is angry at himself for not visiting or spending as much time with his dad, for missing out, the same way i regret letting work prevent me from seeing my zayde before he died (i got there 10 minutes too late. I didnt visit before that because of work. I hate myself for it still. So i get that, but. Damnit) , and that's been twisted up and mixed up with his feelings of shock/betrayal about the estate/beneficiary stuff and turned ugly and turned into lashing out at my mom, because he doesn't know how to deal with his fucking feelings or admit that he could have done more and that he misses his dad. I mean I'm not a mind reader but I can't tell there's some twisted mixed up stupidity in the decision making and its frustrating tbh.

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poetryofyouth · 6 months

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tw suicide, funeral, loss of family member

A week ago, my cousin took his own life. It was the first day of my 2 week long break from work that i'd definitely imagined differently.

It is weird.. I was supposed to be the person in this family who would eventually kill themselves. not someone else. And of course, when my uncle (father of the deceased) called my dad to tell him (my parents and I were having dinner together) my mom instantly started talking about how glad she is that I wasn't successful. which, is understandable, I guess, but very weird.

My aunt and cousin had visited me in the psych ward once. I think he was hospitalized once, too, but "only" for a few days.

He had been unemployed and elusive for several years now. My aunt and uncle eventually gave up trying to call or reach him otherwise, his phone appeared to be turned off almost always. The last time I saw him was almost a year ago at my grandpa's funeral. He had visited him a couple times before he passed. And back then my cousin seemed... perfectly normal? Now, I know that you can fake normal and happy for family's sake, I have a lot of practice in that as well. But I'd never have guessed anything was wrong, and I knew something weird was going on and still he seemed normal.

Honestly I have no idea what he did. He lived in his own apartment, alone, in a different town. He had no job, he did not get unemployment anymore because it had been years. He had inherited some money from his grandparents, gotten money gifted from other family members as well, but if you have zero income for several years... Idk how he lasted this long without any income. My dad said that he probably finally ran out of money for good and didn't see a way out. Might be. Seems like a stupid reason tho, it's not like he couldn't have asked his parents for help, i get not wanting to do that of course but he had a good education, he had worked really good jobs before... something happened?

I really do not know what happened. We were never close, he's 15 years older than me. I know he graduated college, I know he had fancy jobs at fancy firms until a couple years he just quit his job and didn't get a new one and then my aunt sometimes talked about how he was seemingly struggling with alcohol, acting weirdly, and he came to barely any family events anymore and apparently didn't want anything to do anymore with his family and his parents most of all.

It still feels surreal. And he was one of two people with the same first name in my family. My uncle, mother's brother, passed away more than 15 years ago in a skiing accident. Now he passed away, too, and suddenly, no one has that name anymore.

He also killed himself two days before my grandma's birthday, he was her first grandchild. Seems like a, I want to say "dick move" which feels inconsiderate but I can't think of anything else. My aunt and uncle refuse to tell her, they didn't want to ruin her Birthday but also I think they didn't want to have to do it, for very understandable reasons. Also, she is over 90 years old and has dementia (still hasn't fully understood that my grandpa (her husband) is gone almost a year later. or maybe she doesn't want to accept it idk), so it is questionable how much she would even understand. My dad is over there now telling her. I hope she doesn't think it's my brother, she always called my brother by my cousins name (even when she was mentally fitter, she also always called me by my oldest female cousin's name.

Anyway, the funeral is in a few hours and I still have to get to my new apartment that i am almost moved into before that because today my kitchen will be finished. Of course you don't know something like that beforehand, when scheduling the handypeople to come install a kitchen. And I know it is very self-obsessed to make this all about me when most other family members are more affected but. This was supposed to be a relaxing, chill and pre-festive work break for me.

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its-inevitable-lupe · 1 year

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Girl problems WHO’S got them. Damn girls.

EVEN the girl I like at worked annoyed me of How SHE OVER DOES IT. Like pls am I ever ok? Lmao. All my o workers were doing their things and chill and the girl kept teasing and more and more and whew. Sooo much… tho I looked cute af today. Like so much. 😂 but anyways she was so much and then I went to talk to someone and she was looking and talking things to me and I’m like 🙄 and the girl was like you’re both so cute. Like chill. Everyone noticed how we both got with back and forth teasing shit. She over did it that I didn’t want people to be noticing much… and it’s because she was so muchhhhh dude so fucking much. I wanted to stab myself lol. And then she kept smiling and still lol. And I love to talk to many people and I’m always around girls and yes I am a talkative outgoing women lmao. Who would of thought 🤣 years did changed me so much. But I really talk a lot. Anyways… I was talking to my crush and helping her with something and she comes to see what we were doing and ugh ruining the moment to spend time with her and chat about personal things and family. She comes and then two others join and I’m like there we all talking then I leave cause I got annoyed at the own girl I liked lol. Then I left the crush.. then she was somewhere else and we started to watch some personal things and about her family.. her cousin that died and Christmas what she’s doing. She wants to be alone and I was telling her the first time I saw her was a year ago last month.. and my sister were her coworker and she also the crush worked with my sister which was ironic. She told me her cousin birthday was December 10 so that was also very ironic to me. But I was so ughhhhhh cause she was just ehh sad and was trying y know.. and I was like aah let’s not get to deep because I was telling her of my cousin and how you never get over it and this thick sadness my aunt Carries still. But then I was about to leave and me and my friend were killing time and the girl I like??? Liked (honestly she’s gorgeous and latina and all I would like but a bit naive age..) but she was talking and saying if I’m okay and I’m like yeah and like ehhhhh annoyed over it and o bet she noticed my tired eh look. We left and her and this other coworker was like byeeeee and I’m like yeaaah bye with a head nod I gave her. Ugh Sofia. They’re both very very attractive and great personalities. I don’t get myself… why I do this to people?? If I like them I just???????? The only way I show i like is if I get annoyed lol . And then I’m difficult. But maybe again she will come say sorry and if I took it serious like last time or vise versa like our last text message lol. Tomorrow is another day. I’ll be on my best behavior but my friend even noticed and I talk to her about it in the car lol. Anyways s gets so brave in a crowd cause when alone she gets so small cute vulnerable. But if she doesn’t say what is happening and her feelings then that is it. Because I won’t be saying anything only make her say it. And funny how she looks at me when I talk to anyone else lol. Mess. I’m never over clingy when I like you… so you might think I don’t Lmao. So my past one would think I didn’t care or loved but I just am like this. But obviously those I don’t care much And the girl I gone out with messages a lot and I haven’t replied all day. & now send audios…. Probably wondering where I am or what I’m doing.

#my thoughts

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scented-morker · 3 years

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⇢˚⋆ ✎ first "I love you's" with en-maknae line

*:･ﾟ✧ genre : fluff

*:･ﾟ✧ description : established relationship, bf!enhypen, gn!reader, first time saying I love you headcanons :D

*:･ﾟ✧ here it is!!! this is- pretty long, just a heads up 🤪

┈─ ꕀ ── ꕀ ── ꕀ ── ꕀ ── ꕀ ─┈

ଘ Sunoo ~ˊˎ-

He was having a hard time lately with all of the stress from the comeback and everything

He tried to hide it from you but obviously you noticed, like you were on FaceTime and he wasn’t even showing his face 😞

So obviously you were like 🤨 “Where did my sunshine baby go?”

Which actually made him show his face it was red asf

So when he hung up you were like k time to cheer up the love of my life

Which is exactly what you said in your brain and then had a nervous breakdown because ??the love of your life??

But you decided to push that away for now so you could get everything you needed together

You texted the boys and told them you were going to come over

They had noticed his change and thought it would be a good idea so they agreed, and some of them left while others promised to stay in their rooms

When you knock on the door the next day you hear “Sunoo can you get that?” from somewhere in the house and you know they’re doing their jobs

Sunoo wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he opened the door, maybe a manager or a crazy fan, but it wasn’t his s/o with a bag on their shoulders and holding a little bouquet of flowers

“Y/n!!” He immediately engulfed you in a hug, and you smile at his excitement, you definitely made the right plan

He pulls away, asking a “why are you here” to which you shove the flowers at him

“These are for you, um I hope you like them”

Your words came out kinda squished, most people don’t get their boyfriends flowers but you thought it was a really good idea, except now that you’re in front of him you feel kinda dumb, what if he doesn’t like them

“Thank you!! I love them!”

His eyes are sparkling and he tells you that he’s never been given a bouquet of flowers like this and that he’s so happy you got him some

And with your renewed confidence you tell him the rest of what you have planned, a self care day with movies and snacks and skin care and cuddling, lots of cuddling

And he just !!!

He gets so excited 🥺

Like “okay let’s start right now” and then picks you up and goes running the the couch, and you’re laughing almost directly in his ear and he can’t get any happier

So you spend all day together, just messing around and doing whatever

And then he falls asleep, right on the couch on your lap which like 🥰

He looks so peaceful and calm you can’t resist, so you stop playing with his hair like you were originally and lay your hand on his face, tracing his cute lil nose and all that

You start talking to him, quiet so you don’t ruin the mood or wake him up and you’re just like spilling your heart to this dude while he’s asleep, er, “asleep”

Like straight up “I was so worried about you, you were just acting different and I really hope you’re taking care of yourself like you should. My brain knew I had to do something, it specifically said ‘time to cheer up the love of my life’, which was also scary because love is scary you know”

He’s just laying there, eyes closed, trying not to lose his mind and just tackle you in a hug and kiss all over your face, but you don’t seem to be done talking yet so he waits

“But I love you, I really do. And I think that makes it not so scary, because it’s you”

He opens his eyes and at first you don’t even notice because you’re looking off into space but he kinda shifts in your lap and you just 😳

“I love you too, like a lot and it took everything in me not to cut you off and just attack you with my love”

“Well I’m done talking now so you wouldn’t be cutting me off”

And he does exactly what he was planning, tackling you in his arms on the couch, laying there with you while giving you sweet lil kisses and whispering about how much he loves you

He’s definitely back to himself

ଘ Jungwon ~ˊˎ-

Now our dear leader is a lil shy, which we all love him for, but that meant y’all had been dating for like a year almost

An ‘I love you’-less year

And you were a little worried like ‘is this not a serious relationship to him’ but you kinda brushed it off because you’re pretty young and you would never want to rush him

And then it became very obvious that he was serious when he freaking INVITED YOU TO A FAMILY VACATION

Not like a board the plane were going to Hawaii for a month vacation, a thankfully more chill like family camping in log cabins together for a weekend vacation

And obviously you were terrified because ya know meeting the ‘rents (I am so sorry why did I say it like that)

But you weren’t gonna say no to your boyfriend especially when he was so excited

So flash forward to you and jungwon, fresh off of a 3 hour car ride (where you obvi played 10 months like 80,000 times), walking up to a cute little campground with like three big log cabins next to each other, real cute

And you walk into the main one where everyone is meeting and his family is like SCREAMING like absolute chaos and there are little cousins running around and everything

And for some reason it feel comfortable and one of his little cousins comes up to you and asks you to play obviously you do

By the time his family realizes he’s here and greets him you’re surrounded by children

Cue his older cousins like “I knew they were fake” “you don’t have to lie wonnie, it’s okay to be single”

But then he points over to the living room and you’ve got a little kid on your back and another on your lap and someone has used their play makeup to give you blue eyeshadow

You give him a really big smile when you see him looking over and literally everyone just 🥺🥺🥺

He thinks you’ve never been more perfect even tho you literally end up with a glitter mustache

Eventually his aunts make their kids leave you alone and you help them wash up to eat (as almost scream when you see your reflection because their first impression of you was of you looking like a whacko)

But then you sit down at the table where he’s saved you a spot and they’re all so excited to meet you and ask you all sorts of questions

You’re holding his hand under the table because you’re nervous but then he’s got your hands in his lap fiddling with your fingers and you aren’t nervous anymore

Literally every single person in his family gives you a hug before you guys go to the cabin you’re sleeping in and you ask him ya know like

“Do you think they like me”

And he’s like ??? They literally like you more than me and my cousins tried to fight me to the death for a seat next to you at the table

But he just goes “they love you just as much as I do”

And you just combust

“You love me???”

And it wasn’t even an accident, he was just like “yup, like a lot”

Then bam “I love you too”

And they lived happily ever after more like his aunts overheard and screamed to the rest of the family what just happened

ଘ Niki ~ˊˎ-

Niki had begged you all week to come over and visit and you finally found a day that you were both free on

You knocked quietly, announcing your presence before letting yourself in like the boys had told you to do

Once you had set your things down and taken your shoes off you set out on a mission to find your lovely boyfriend

Which really didn’t take long because you could hear him screaming in the living room as soon as you walked in

Apparently he was losing at whatever video game they were playing and was not happy about it

You went over to his spot on the couch, squeezing in next to him and he gave you a lil side hug and a kiss on the temple to say hello

You settled down in your spot, leaning on him with his arm still around your shoulder as the next round started

Although it was a bad idea because when he lost again you almost got elbowed in the head

After a few more rounds some of the boys decide to go out and get food even tho he definitely begged them to stay because he wanted to win at least once

“No bud, we’re hungry, and you kinda have a significant other you’ve been ignoring for like an hour” thanks heeseung

So they leave (except for jake who got stuck on babysitting duty)

And you’re like well he seems to like this game even tho he sucks at it so might as well play it if that’s what he wants to do

So you’re all like “hey bub what if I play with you” and he’s already shoving the controller in your hand and explaining how it works

He loves that you try to take an interest in the things that he likes, and he also likes that you’ve never played it before because that’ll make it easy to beat you

Which it definitely was, sorry you kinda suck at this game (even more than your boyfriend)

“Yes!! I did it!!! I won!!”

Cue the trash talk because he’s a little devil spawn sometimes

“See that I woooooon, you didn’t even stand a chance against me, I’m a master at this game”

And you’re just sitting there like you hadn’t seen him get absolutely demolished by everyone else literally like 30 minutes ago, just shaking your head

“Ya know you’re lucky I love you or I would have smacked you by now”

You laugh when you say it and he joins in before going dead silent after like 3 seconds

“Wait you what?”

“I said you’re luck I lo-”

And then you go quiet too bc dang did you really just say that and now you’re all nervous

But then he just goes

“Yeah I kinda love you too”

And then he makes sure to spend some actual time with you, not just beating you in video games for the rest of the day

“WAIT ‘KINDA’???”

┈─ ꕀ ── ꕀ ── ꕀ ── ꕀ ── ꕀ ─┈

#enhypen scenarios #enhypen #enhypen x reader #enhypen fluff #enhypen sunoo #sunoo scenarios #enhypen jungwon #jungwon scenarios #enhypen niki #niki scenarios #sunoo x reader #jungwon x reader #niki x reader #sunoo fluff #jungwon fluff #niki fluff

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milliethekitty27-writing · 3 years

Text

The Ladder

In a hole in the ground, there lived a lonely hobbit. It all started when Bilbo grew tired of his empty kitchen.

He hadn’t been fond of eating alone since the dwarves destroyed his pantry, but he hadn’t after Frodo joined him in Bag End. He’d eaten with the elves in Rivendell, which had been full of lovely music and pleasant conversation, and then he’d eaten with the elves, Frodo, and Gandalf when they’d traveled to the Undying Lands.

Now he was here, in Yavanna’s Garden, living in what was basically Bag End. (the actual Bag End was right next door for his parents) He had his beautiful garden back, which only mattered really because he’d been brought back to his youthful self with working hands. The house was always clean (and he’d never really liked cleaning, so that didn’t matter much to him) so he had all the time in the world to work on his maps and his stories. He got the occasional social call from neighbors or family. He ate dinner with his parents on Thursdays and went over to their home on Sundays for family nights with many cousins and aunts and uncles, but he spent the rest of his time alone. He got the same whispers he had in the Shire, but he was satisfied with his cooking and working in the garden. Except… on the days there were no social calls, no family dinners, Bilbo Baggins sat in a very quiet house and talked to nothing.

“You know-” Bilbo said to no one in particular as he weeded a particularly stubborn patch of grass out from underneath his rose bush. There was a basket of tomatoes ready to be made into a sauce, or maybe used the fish tonight, but he’d seen the weeds and wanted to deal with it before it spread. “-I would have expected the garden to take care of itself when I died. Not to be doing the same tasks as before. But here we are, fighting with weeds, aren’t we Tho-” Bilbo stopped, shook his head, and pushed that thought aside.

He made dinner for fourteen but only ate for one. The rest got put away for the multitudes of meals of the next day, but almost five years after he’d died he found himself looking at the empty table with a frown.

The next morning he perused his bookshelf until he found a collection of stories. From there, he found tales of the dwarves. He sat in his armchair until a collection of cousins knocked on the door and pulled him away, but he found what he was looking for when he was waiting for a peach pie to bake.

Dwarves belief that they return to the halls of Mahal upon their deaths. From there, they await the Final Battle. Upon the arrival of that day, they will be sent back to rebuild Arda, but until then the dwarves rest in their creator’s halls.

Bilbo hemmed over that. He wandered down to where most of the Tooks lived, asking if they had any maps or had heard of the Halls before. It was a bit of a long shot, and he wasn’t surprised when they all said no. He returned to his smial and examined his garden.

“Well-” he said to the same problematic patch of clover that refused to leave. “-I know that dwarves do like their underground tunnels and their mines. And if the Green Lady is married to the Smith, then it stands to reason that they might go underground nearby. I don’t think there’s any harm in looking, I’ll just get a bit dirty and ruin my garden, and I do that on the regular. Or I’ll fall into a great underground river and run back into Gollum.” Bilbo sighed, then went to see if he could borrow Hamfast’s good shovel.

There was a patch of yard in the back Bilbo had been planning on planting carrots in, but he had a better idea now. He wiggled his toes in the cool earth, nodded, and stretched out his shoulders. Then Bilbo Baggins put his shovel into the soil and started to dig.

It took quite a bit of time, but he didn’t get as tired as he had in his old age and he didn’t have to take as many breaks. Death might mean you didn’t have to eat, or sleep, but it was routine, and he had dinner with his parents that were tradition. One day, maybe, he’d be able to bring more than just himself and whatever his mother wanted him to bring for dessert, but he pushed the idea of muddy boots and braids out of his mind in favor of helping his mother finish up the roast.

“What are you doing, Bilbo?” his father asked during one dinner. “Gorbadoc says he hasn’t seen you at the Green Dragon in some time.”

“I’m digging a tunnel.” Bilbo said matter of factly. “I’m going to try to find the halls of Mahal.” His parents looked at each other for a minute.

“What for?”

“I… suppose it’s just because I can.”

“Have you considered asking the faunts?” Belladonna suggested as she took a second helping of mashed potatoes. “I’m sure they’d be more than thrilled to be asked to ruin a garden.” Bilbo considered that.

“I think this something I want to do myself.”

Bilbo digged and digged. The hole was big enough for him to stand in rather comfortably, though he had to dig some stair-like notches into the side so he could get in and out. It took almost a week of non-stop digging to reach literal rock bottom, and then he was left with a conundrum. He’d dented Hamfast’s good shovel, so he returned it with an apology and a promise to pay him back, but would Hamfast please lend him a good pickaxe?

Bilbo woke up that next morning with arms that were incredibly sore and demanded he take a day, if not more, off. He agreed. The dwarves had waited this long, they could wait a bit longer. Bilbo went to market, got a drink, avoided questions about what he was up to, dodged a few nosy grandparents, and returned home with arms full of goods. The next day he baked an apology pie for the Gamgees and sent his mother and father cookies, lounging for the rest of the afternoon with a good book. On the third day his arms didn’t yell at him for raising them above his head, so Bilbo hoisted his pickaxe.

“How’s your hole going?” Belladonna asked as she took out a tart to cool. It was nearly time for the harvest festivals. Hobbits loved to work in their fields and grow their goods, and that meant the harvest festivals of the Shire still went on. That meant competitions (his mother was entering a lovely pumpkin she’d been growing all year, while his father was entering in a poetry competition) and baking, canning for the winter, and family time.

“Rather well, I like to think!” Bilbo gave the bread he was kneading one last good push. “I think I’ve nearly reached it, the rocks started to change to the next type of rock underground that I read about in the book that Adamantius lent me last week. It’s supposed to mean you’ve gotten to the next layer or… something. The book was rather complicated. I suppose I’ll just have to see what happens.”

“Maybe you’ll have it fixed in time for the summer planting competitions.” His father brushed his hands off on an apron as he came in from the garden with a basket of potatoes, placing them on the counter and taking a moment to kiss Belladonna’s cheek. For a moment Bilbo wondered if soon he’d be seeing his dwarves, be able to kiss one particular cheek, but he pushed those thoughts aside. It was possible he was nowhere near being able to see his dwarves, but that was a thought he’d deal with when he came to it. He was nothing if not practical, as a Baggins (no, Baggins weren’t actually practical, he knew that now, but don’t bother telling the Baggins side that) and he didn’t want to consider that what if.

“Maybe.” he ceded. “But I’m hoping that I’ll be able to make it a permanent feature.”

Bilbo returned to his hole the day after the festivals had finally finished. His larder was filled to bursting, along with all his storage rooms, and he was just planning on doing a little bit of work before settling in with a nice book.

That plan fell a bit short, though. He drove his pickaxe in rather deeply and the earth suddenly crumbled all around him. Bilbo let out a yell as he fell through a suddenly rather large hole, landing with a rather sharp thwack on something… surprisingly soft.

When he looked around, he found that he was surrounded by an incredible amount of short, bearded people wearing multiple colors and gems.

Dwarves.

He looked up and found an incredible amount of sunlight falling on him, along with a decent amount of dirt.

It seemed he’d found the Halls of Mahal. Now the question was how to get back to Yavanna’s Gardens.

...he’d cross that road when he got to it. For now, he had dwarves to find, and, uh, oh dear. The dwarf he was sitting on didn’t look very happy. He jumped off of the poor dwarf’s back.

“I’m so terribly sorry-” Bilbo offered the dwarf a hand. They were covered in braids, with long black hair, and Bilbo tried to dust them off once they were up. “-I had no idea I’d almost broken through like that, I would’ve given some warning.”

“You’re what’s been making all that noise?” a dwarf behind him said. Bilbo turned on his heel. This dwarf was dressed like a miner.

“I beg your pardon?”

“The noise-” the dwarf gestured at the ceiling. “-for the past month, we’ve been getting this awful banging- that’s coming from you? But you’re a halfling!” There was a great deal of yelling at that as the crowd of dwarves surrounding Bilbo all realized what he was. Bilbo felt his cheeks heated up with rage.

“What do you mean a halfling fell through the ceiling?!” someone bellowed after several minutes where Bilbo couldn’t get his voice loud enough. There was a great deal of pushing through the crowd and Bilbo offered another apology to the poor dwarf he’d probably concussed in his fall.

“I’ll have you know I’m not half of anything!” He said loudly into the suddenly silent hall, but there was a further commotion.

“That’s not just a halfling that our halfling!” Bofur, that was Bofur, he knew that voice. A bald dwarf covered in tattoos practically rammed his way through the crowd and there were all his dwarves, looking alive and well and whole, no blood or funeral garb, no sorrowful letters or tearful tales from Frodo about bodies and ancient stone walls. He was hugging them, pinching cheeks and smiling as wide as he had in some time. He did a quick head count - twelve. Where was thirteen, where was-

Oh.

There he was.

Thorin was standing at the other end of the mass of dwarves in the hall, firelight glinting off the silver in his hair and around his neck. There was no sign of gold or bronze, just silver. He practically blended into the cave wall in his nearly black clothes but Bilbo met those beautiful blue eyes and something just clicked. He was covered in dirt, and in his gardening clothes. He looked a mess, he was sure of it, but Thorin was looking at him in a way that made his breath catch in his throat.

“Master Burglar.” Thorin’s voice rumbled across the nearly silent crowd.

A moment later he and Bilbo met in the center of the path, both having run as fast as their feet could carry them. Bilbo’s fingers curled into the thick, wiry hair and he inhaled the smell that was undeniably Thorin.

“I thought I told you to call me Bilbo.” he said in a thick voice after a moment. “Or should I be calling you your majesty?”

“No.” Thorin said instantly. He shook his head and Bilbo felt the gentle thuds as beads connected with his skull. “No. Never you.”

They looked at each other for a moment. Thorin didn’t have the wrinkles around his face anymore, the silver in his hair was less than it had been, but there was still that shadowed look in his eyes. Bilbo took a quick breath, then leaned up and kissed his cheek like his father kissed his mother’s, like he’d been thinking about for ages and ages.

“Hello.” he whispered. “Hello, Thorin Oakenshield.”

“Hello, Bilbo Baggins of the Shire.” Thorin’s face was flushed now, but he reached up and brushed his thumb along Bilbo’s jaw.

“That counts as a kiss!” someone bellowed. There was a loud thud and the dwarf, definitely Nori, yelped. “That hurt!”

“Bilbo can we get a boat through your hole?” Fili called. A moment later there was a thud and both Fili and Kili were there, smushing Bilbo into the center of a Durin family hug.

“A bo- what do you need a boat for?”

“I want to find Tauriel.” Kili sounded elated. “If you could get through, then she-”

“Boys, I have to get back up myself, I can’t just pull up a boat-”

“What about cheese?” Bofur piped up. Bilbo realized that the entire company had encircled him. He was surrounded in a mass of dwarves. Stinky, hugging-too-tight, wonderful dwarves that he’d missed. “Bombur’s been talking about that recipe you sent him-”

“He sent me dozens of recipes, you’ll have to be more specific-” Bombur started.

“I told you he could break in, I don’t know why you’re still not giving me money!” that was Nori again, directed at Balin.

“These are the Halls-” Balin began.

“Bullshit, this is Bilbo, he stole from a dragon! This is all in a day’s work for him!”

“Have you seen my Gimli up there?” That was Gloin. “You know, my beautiful laddy, with the curly red hair and the most beautiful eyes, I haven’t been able to find him and we haven’t heard anything about him in a long time for a while, I’m starting to get worried-”

“He just got here, Gloin, don’t start yelling about your kid again-” that was a voice he didn’t totally recognize but he saw Bifur without an axe and grinning widely as he spoke.

Bilbo looked back up at Thorin, who was smiling at him in a way that made him come into focus and drown everything else out.

“I’m glad to see you, Bilbo.”

“I’m glad to see you too.” Bilbo smiled back at him. His dwarf reached up as if to touch his face again, but faltered.

“We’ve… we’ve got a lot to talk about.”

“We do.” Bilbo agreed. “Bu-”

“Bilbo?” Someone shouted down the hole. He recognized his mother after a moment. He struggled out of the throng of dwarves much like a whale breaching for air. There was a shadow over the patch of sunlight from above, bits of dirt trickling in.

“I’m fine!” he yelled back. “Be careful, it’s a pretty hard landing at the bottom, I don’t want you to slip!”

“Wait that’s the burglar?” someone in the crowd said. There was a loud shushing noise, a thwap, and an ow.

“Are you hurt?”

“No, Mum, I’m alright!”

“Wait is that your mother?!” Kili and Fili said together.

“Did you find your dwarves?”

“I’m going to regret this-” Bilbo sighed, then he pitched his voice back up high. “I fell but I’m alright, I just didn’t realize how far down I was!” He paused for a moment, then shouted back. “Do we still have the apple picking ladders?”

“I’m sure we can dig one up-” there was his father. Poor Bungo was probably tearing his hair out. “-are you hurt?”

“No, he’s not, he said he’s alright-” his mother’s voice was muffled. “-we’ll go check, darling, stay out of trouble!”

“Can you throw down some cheese?” Bofur shouted.

“Bofur!”

“Oh some apples would be lovely.” Dori sighed.

“And some apples!” Bofur yelled a bit louder.

“Just send down his whole larder!” Kili yelled. “And a boat! I need the hole to be big enough for a boat!”

In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit. This hole was comfortable, and warm, and cozy. It was also full of Bilbo Baggins’ things. This hobbit had lived a remarkable life and thus his home was quite remarkable in many ways, but the most intriguing bit about this hole was the larger hole in the backyard. It was surrounded by stones, with a lovely set of carved steps going up to the house. It led to a sturdy but worn wooden ladder that had been used for apple picking but now served to connect the Halls of Mahal to Gardens of Yavanna. This ladder fell in the center of a massive stone hall, which was filled with flowers that hobbits would come down to tend to. The two races regularly wandered through Bilbo Baggins’ garden to meet - dwarves would come up for market day bearing gifts and coins, eyeing steaming bread and crisp red apples, while some of the more adventurous hobbits would slide down the ladder to inquire about repairs for their tools.

For Bilbo, though, this hole meant so much more. It meant thirteen dwarves crashing into his house ridiculously early in the morning to nag him into making them breakfast. It meant having his family, blood and not, over for dinner. It meant listening to his mother talk with Dori and Balin about tea, to his father engage Fili and Ori into long tales of age-old tales. It eventually meant Kili tugging a tall, red-haired elf into Bag End no. 2, covered in water while a tired Fili collapsing into a chair complaining that Kili and Tauriel hadn’t stopped making doe-eyes at each other.

It meant that, after a long conversation with tears and laughter and shy touches, Bilbo made dinner with a dwarf that made him laugh as he stole pie filling and got flour on his nose and in his beard. It meant that Bilbo would come back to market to find someone frowning on his porch with little metal bits twisted in his lap as he worked on making ornaments for Bilbo’s garden. It meant that Bilbo Baggins woke up next to Thorin Oakenshield, one hand tangled in that beautiful dark hair. It meant that they sat on the bench under the oak tree and blew smoke rings into the setting sun, holding hands.

When Frodo Baggins finally entered Yavanna’s Gardens, he found his uncle beaming like he hadn’t in years, with a braid in his curls and a ring on his finger. There were thirteen dwarves in the living room, and Frodo was just in time for tea.

---

Thanks for reading!

This is based off of a post made by @wheeloffortune-design about Bilbo digging his way into Halls of Mahal, which has literally been living in my brain since I read it. (and @gallusrostromegalus put down some delightfully funny comments that also made my day) So… here we are. You can find the post here, assuming the link works!

The AO3 link is here!

man i love bagginshield.

#writing #writers #writers on tumblr #fanfiction #the hobbit #bagginshield #thorin x bilbo #bilbo x thorin #bilbo baggins #thorin oakenshield #my otp honestly #i started shipping this and never stopped

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miyaniacs · 4 years

Text

ignorance is a bliss pt.1

Atsumu angst ( pt. 2 ) ( pt.3)

warnings: angst? mentioning of possible cheating

a/n : I was just in the mood for some angst and you all voted for Atsumu and a fluff ending - the fluff will be at the end of pt.2 - sorry but I want to keep the tension up haha, pt.2 will be mostly of his point of view. Sorry this is kind of trashy thoooo

Tell me if you wanna be tagged for the second part tho :)

masterlist

The sun is long gone, the lights of the night illuminating the room. You star at the plate in front of you, your appetite gone just like the sun. Three hours. You already waited three hours for him to come back home. He told you he’ll be coming straight home after practice. At least that’s what his last message said. Your phone lights up. The light shining from your screen let the tears on your face sparkle like small diamonds.

“Sorry, still helping Yuki with her serves - don’t wait for me”

Of course it’s her again.

Is he too blind? Too blind to see that all the “can you help me with volleyball” is just so she can spent time with him? Or does he know. Does he know and that’s why he’s always helping her? Volleyball is Atsumu’s passion, his true love. He and Yuki share this love - other than you and Atsumu do. Sure you always supported him. But volleyball wasn’t the sport you grew up with. Was he tired of this? Has he now understood how much better it would be if his girlfriend has the same passion as him?

Your phone already locked itself again. Once more the room is dark, occasionally lighted up by the lights of the cars or some green and red.

The tears keep streaming down your face as you think of the past four weeks.

It all started when Yuki came up to him one day after practice asking him if he could show her some stuff, since she has an upcoming match and wasn’t feeling at her best. You haven’t thought anything about it. You were actually glad that he accepted and helped her, being the egoistic ass he is - it wasn’t save if he’d agree.

You accepted all those times he came home late, it was just until her match finished right?

Well two days after the match, he still came home late at night, telling you constantly that you should already eat and not wait for him, that he’ll grab something with Yuki after practice. The past two weeks, you haven’t even seen him once. You aren’t even sure if he slept in the same bed as you the past nights.

Whenever you went to bed, he wasn’t there, neither have you felt his arms sneaking around your body at night, his face nuzzling in your neck, pressing small kisses on your shoulder before he pulls you tighter into him and drifting off to sleep.

The next morning, there were also no signs of him. Sometimes there’s a used coffee mug in the sink, signaling you that he was in fact home - at least for a few hours? Or minutes? Was he just coming home in the morning to change his clothes?

Your phone lights up again.

“Hey, I’ll crash at Yuki’s again. Sorry see ya tomorrow babe.”

Again?

So you’re right. He hasn’t been home. He stayed at hers... for how many nights? Only two? Or already five?

Sure she’s beautiful, always friendly and shares the same passion as him.

But would he really do this?

Cheat on you?

Have you ignored all the red flags the past weeks? Was it that obvious that he did?

Thinking back at it - she did seem more like his girlfriend the past weeks as you did. Always by his side, hands touching his arms, playfully hitting his chest, his arm around her shoulder... while you just stand there awkwardly next to them.

You did comfort him once about this topic. All he said was, that you should stop being so jealous and that she’s just a friend. He asked you to be his girlfriend, he was the one suggesting to move in together a few months ago. He never gave you a reason to make you doubt yourself.

Yet everyone warned you about him.

All yours and his friends, even his brother did. They all told you that it’s a wonder that he hasn’t lost interest yet. That he even chose to ask you out in the first place, since he’s just always focused on volleyball. But you accepted all of this. You accepted not being his first choice, always coming behind volleyball.

Today was enough though. All the tears you cried today, finally overflowed the barrel.

On shaking legs and a blurry vision you get up and walk to your shared bedroom. You place your suite case on the bed and open the door to your closet. Slowly you start packing your clothes. With each T-Shirt, each pullover, each jeans, your heart breaks a bit more.

You stop. This sweatshirt. It was his, well it was yours now he gave it to you on your first date, because you being your clumsy self lost your jacket. He told you to keep it , that way he has a reason to see you again. Well and you kept it until that day. You sink down on your knees, hugging the piece of clothing, hoping it would give you the same comfort Atsumu always gave you with his hugs. His hugs always calmed you down, left you feeling save and protected, you knew everything will be okay, because he’s with you. You hide your face in the soft fabric, by now you can’t keep the tears back anymore.

You wake up, curled up in a ball, still on the floor with the sweatshirt in your arms. You quickly check the time - 4am. You wipe away the leftovers of your tears and get up, determined to end what you started a few hours ago.

Gently you take the sweatshirt and fold it, placing it on the bed. You take a pice of paper and start writing :

Atsumu, when you read this I’m already gone. Please continue your life, give your best in your games, I’ll still be supporting you from afar. I realized there isn’t enough space for me in your life. Yet you found the time for Yuki,..., I hope you continue to find the time for her and don’t start to ignore her at some point like you did with me.

You place the paper on the sweatshirt and pack all the stuff your needed in your suite case, grabbed the your purse and left.

At 9am you arrived at your parents house.

It’s been almost three weeks since you left.

Yet there haven’t been one call nor text from him. No that wasn’t right, there was one small message

I’ll leave for the training camp now, miss you see you afterwards.

Five days after you left he was supposed to attend a training camp for two weeks, which he did attend and judging by the message it seems he hasn’t read the letter you wrote him. Which in conclusion means that he hasn’t stayed in your shared apartment for just one night.

No one knew you left besides your family and Osamu. Neither of them questioned your decision in the slightest.

Today was the day he should be coming back from the camp.

Today is also your aunts birthday. Right now you’re at the kitchen helping to get all the needed stuff out to the garden.

“Y/n!!” Your mum called, “ You’re phone keeps on vibrating - oh I think someone’s calling you now.”

“Ca- Can you check the ID?” You stutter scream back.

You almost dropped the plates in your hands as you hear her answer. “It says ‘Tumu”

“Just hang up.” You answer firmly.

You won’t let him ruin this day.

You walked back outside and placed the plates on the table.

Your phone keeps vibrating and vibrating. You glance at the messages showing on the lockscreen

“Y/N?!”

“Please answer me”

“I just found your letter - let me explain”

“I never did anything with Yuki besides playing volleyball... well and hanging out with her .. but I never - I could ne”

“Baby ... baby please answer my calls”

“At leaset tell me where you are? I’m worried about you”

“Are you Save?”

“Baby please. I love you”

You stopped reading the message, blinking a few times you tried holding back your tears. Now he’s worried about you? Now after all those weeks of ignoring you?

He hasn’t realized you left before he went to the training camp. And even during those two weeks he hasn’t even sent you one message, neither a good morning nor a good night text. Is it too much to expect your boyfriend to message you just once? To think about you while he’s away and feeling the need to talk to you? To contact you?

Well apparently it is.

But who are you playing?

He hasn’t thought of you all those weeks before, why should he do it during his training camp?

“Y/n?” You mum waves her hand in front of your face, you blink a few times and look around. “Yes?” You ask confused.

“Are you okay?” Your aunt asks you. “Yeah, yeah, sorry I was just spacing out.” You answer and force a smile.

“Y/n.” Your mum sighs, “shouldn’t you answer him?”

“No.” You answer coldly, “but mum, could you help me getting the rest of my stuff on Sunday?”

“... why Sunday?” Your cousin asks.

“He has a game on Sunday, so he won’t be at the apartment” you chuckle coldly, “not that he was there the past weeks.”

“Are you sure you shouldn’t talk with him ab-“ your aunt begins but you quickly interrupted her “No and I don’t want to discuss this any further. He ignored me the past WEEKS, ditching me for some other girl all the time. He hasn’t even realized I left those 5 days before the camp. Meaning he wasn’t even staying at the apartment during the time, probably staying at Yuki’s again because ‘training got longer and they grabbed something to eat and he just crashed at hers for the night’.” Your voice started to shake again and tears form in your eyes.

You can’t get this imagine out of your head. Him and her. Cuddled up under a blanket on the couch. The arms that normally held you, wrapped around her. He’s laughing and smiling, resting his chin at her shoulder. He’s peppering kisses on her neck, jaw and face. Then his lips met hers.

Your lips start shaking and you feel tears running down your cheeks.

“I’m sorry I - I’ll be back.” You quickly get up and walk inside locking yourself up in the bathroom.

You sink down on your knees. The imagine of him and Yuki is still hunting you. His hands on her body. His lips on her skin, that’s supposed to be you and not her. He was supposed to spent all this time with you. He was supposed to hold you in his arms at night, to kiss you, to pull you ontop of him, to run his hands through your hair while he rants about his day.

But in your head, he’s doing all those things with her. Was he telling the truth? Or are the things, hunting your dreams for the past weeks, true? Was he actually cheating on you with her?

Grabbing the sink you pulled yourself up and look into the mirror.

Your eyes were puffy and red, lips plumb and reddened from biting down on them to stop your self from crying to hard. You turn on the water, waiting for it to get ice cold. You let it run through your finger until you put your hands together and splash some of the water in your face. Again and again and again.

“You can do this. You are strong and you don’t need him to feel good. You can do it without him. You can learn how to.” You prep talk yourself.

You grabbed your phone and wrote down the the words that broke your still shattered heart even more.

“It’s too late now. I’ll get the rest of my stuff on Sunday during your game so you don’t have to see me anymore. Goodbye Atsumu.”

Tears form in your eyes again and your body starts shaking.

You want this right? This is the right thing to do? Shouldn’t you give him a chance to explain everything? No. No you waited long enough. You already cried enough tears. That is what you want. This is what you need. This is how it should be.

Yet. Why does the thought of loosing him makes your heart arch?

It hurts so much you feel like crying out in pain.

You see the three dots moving, showing you that Atsumu was typing. You’re quick to turn your phone off again.

You made you’re decision.

There is no way he can convince you otherwise now.

You unlock the bathroom door and step outside, forcing a smile on your face.

Yet your eyes are showing how you truly feel.

Broken.

general tag list (open) : @brokeyiam

#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu oneshot #atsumu imagines #atsumu scenarios #atsumu headcanons #atsumu x reader #haikyuu angst #atsumu x y/n

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spyrkle4 · 3 years

Photo

My two entries for the I Hope So OC contest! But I love them so much I’m gonna draw them more after the contest bc they’re my kids now

I came up with two characters. Dusty the half-tsavo lion, and Fern the leopon!

(I keep mistyping Fern as Ferns, sorry if you see that)

These two I like to imagine as a duo, Travellers who like exploring the world, but I’m gonna talk about them as singulars under the cut. which basically is bg info, fun facts, and also how I think they’d interact w/ the protags!

Dusty:

Backstory: Dusty was born in a small pride, however he wasn’t the son of the king of said pride. His mother and the king had a toxic relationship and he was born from an event of her having her litter sired by a wandering lion (A tsavo) to try and spite the king.

Despite that, Dusty got along great with his stepdad, it’s just that his mom was a really petty lion that didn’t like the fact that the king paid attention to all the lionesses/cubs in the pride, not just her or her kids. Dusty decided to leave to see the world and he was rly sick of his parent’s on-off arguing (which annoyed the rest of the pride but he and his half-sibs were caught in the mid), so he left with some of his siblings to become Travellers (King Stepdad didn’t mind, he just wanted his kids/subjects to be happy, Dusty aspires to be as kind as his stepdad)

Due to his upbringing, Dusty values loyalty the most, and he’s got a bit of a temper from his mom, but he usually tries to keep his cool. He might seem grumpy, but Dusty’s a pretty chill dude that will give you dad advice

Fun Facts:

-Most of his features are from his sire, like his color and eyes

-His markings are mostly from his mom’s side

-Dusty had a different name at birth (I’d like to think his pride had a naming theme on nature stuff) but he changed it when he left

-Dusty travelled with his siblings until they found a pride they liked, Dusty wanted to explore more so they parted ways, he’ll sometimes wander back to that pride territory to tell his sibs about his travels

-He was born hard of hearing and his hearing got worse as he got older, until he became fully deaf in his late teens (or the lion equivalent), King Stepdad helped coach him with speaking, and Dusty learned to read lips, if you’re speaking too fast, he won’t be able to understand you

How he’d get along with the Canons:

-Dusty’s chill so I think he’d get along with the 3 protags of I Hope So, he’d probably swap travelling stories over a stripe-coat leg

-He’d be very kind and sympathetic if he heard about Hope and Adamant’s family situation (Dusty cannot stand bad parents, he’d throw hands with one if lions had hands)

-So he’d just think the protags are Just Neat

Fern:

Backstory:

-Fern has 0 idea who her parents are, but she was raised by her aunt, a pretty cool leopard. Fern didn’t get along with her cousins, who teased her being half-lion.

-One day she got lost from her aunt/cousins, but when she found them again, she heard her cousins say they were glad she was gone, and it made Fern really upset so she decided to travel on her own

-She wants to try and find her parents so she can live with them and not have to see her mean cousins ever again, Fern does miss her cool aunt, but she doesn’t want to ruin her aunt’s relationship with her kids

-Even tho Fern is pretty young, she usually goes after small prey so hunting isn’t that difficult

Fun Facts:

-Ferns is pretty imaginative and can get often lost in her own thoughts

-I imagine Ferns is autistic, she likes stimming with her paws and hyperfixates on cool textures, she likes the feeling of rocks and will sometimes carry a rock that she thinks is neat and will feel it with her paws bc she likes the texture

-Even though her cousins were really mean to her, Ferns doesn’t wanna be mean like them so she tries to be nice because she doesn’t want to make anyone feel sad like her cousins made her feel sad

How she’d get along with the Canons:

-Ferns is just so nice to everyone she’d be super friendly to the 3 protags

-She’d think Adamant is very cool and would admire her a lot

-She also admires Hopeful and would be like “I wanna be as cool as you when I grow up!”

-And she’d think Storm is very pretty and now wants a mane, probably would try to make one out of leaves

My OCs as a duo:

-I imagine that Fern bumped into Dusty during her adventure and he was like “must adopt child” bc he was not letting this poor child be on her own, for Traveller’s sake!

-Dusty is such a dad he’ll adopt lost cubs or cubs that had terrible pasts, and that includes Fern, he teaches her about lion stuff, which Fern finds weird, she thinks the concept of prides are weird bc staying in one place your entire life? That’d be boring!

-Dusty told her not to say that if visiting a pride.

-Fern would think Dusty is really cool, she tries to speak slower so he can understand her, as she’s usually a fast talker

-Sometimes Dusty will call Fern “Small Spots” because she doesn’t have as many spots as a leopard, and because she’s smol

-Fern calls him “Sir Fluffy” back because she thinks he has a soft mane, he internally dies of laughter everytime

-Dusty thinks that Fern’s parents abandoned her, since Fern told him that her aunt never talked about her parents, but he doesn’t share that theory with Fern because he doesn’t want to make her upset, but he does try to tell her that she doesn’t need her parents in her life to have a fufilling one.

-Secretly, Fern considers Dusty her uncle, but she doesn’t want to say it out loud because she’s scared he’ll get mad at her. (He won’t, and he just gives her a big ol’ hug when she one day tells him that)

#i hope so #i hope so contest #ihopesocontest #lions #ocs #Sparky's art #dusty #fern

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sapphosvioletts · 3 years

Note

Oh hi Vi!!

Yeah I’m alright!! My only plans for tonight ((since it’s 21:45 for me)) are gonna be playing online with my cousin until the god forsaken hours of the morning - plans ((or well, a plan [singular])) I made this morning and am now regretting because as I found out/was reminded a couple hours ago: my mum starts her new NHS placement thingy this week meaning I have to be up at 10am to take care of the dogs. Something I’m not looking forward to as I’m probably not gonna be in bed until something stupid like four-

I would just cancel my plans but I hate doing so and I’ve also been lookin forward to this all morning and I can’t bring myself to do so, so I’m just gonna have to hope for the best and soldier on - yay.

Altho If I hadn’t been doing this, I’d probably of instead been up till similar hours watching Ben 10 themed videos on YouTube, because alas what is life without hyperfixations on shows your both too old for and ended years ago

And I am well aware of the Ben 10 reboot, but I refuse to acknowledge that. Like, I guess I could’ve forgiven it for rebooting the show but I just don’t like how childlike it is. I mean, in hindsight the original shows probably weren’t meant for teenagers either but still I can’t even watch the reboot on account of its simplicity. No hate to anyone who watches it and is older than the recommended age group, but it just isn’t for me.

On top of that they ruined some of the coolest aliens!!! Stinkfky and wildvine basically became human reskins as opposed to weird creepy aliens ((in the OG art style that is)), plus where are ripjaws, ghostfreak and wildmutt? Because when I last checked they weren’t even in the show!! I’m hoping things have since changed and that the characters have been readded, but it’s hard to say with the amount of stuff that comes up when you Google about it what’s clickbait and what’s legit!!!

Then there’s Max. Grandpa Max that is. He used to be this cool old man who was friends with aliens and even dated one at onepoint ((I forgot whether they’re still together it’s been ages since I watched the OG series unfortunately :( )) but now he just kinda seems to be a background character half the time. I mean I’ve seen him do a bit in the reboot, but he’s nowhere near as cool nor ((character))developed as he used to be and that makes me smad ((sad+mad))

But I’m sorry, I kinda ended up ranting here when all you wanted to know was how I was doing and not my entire life story so sorry about that 😅

I would ask how your doing, but I kinda already saw on a previous ask so I’ll just say that I hope your still doing as well as you were then

- 🦋

HIII!!

omg i have to wake up early to dog sit too tomorrow shsjsksk it's for my aunt tho and i have to be up at like 5am unfortunately lol i think you will probably already be up by the time i'm dog sitting, but if need company online we can be dog sitting buddies lmao

oh yes, that's literally me with icarly and lab rats lmaooo i loved them when i was younger and they still hold up today, especially icarly lmao

ALSO THERES A REBOOT???? i did not know that!! my brother and i used to watch ben 10 all the time. i honestly don't remember much of anything from it since i was pretty young when i watched it and since my brother is older i basically just watched whatever he did so once he stopped watching i did too cause i just watched whatever he did lol

since i don't remember much i honestly don't know what you are talking about but i LOVED reading it because i very very very much love when people rant about their hyperfixations or special interest shsjsks like i don't care if i don't understand talk all you want lol

so don't apologize! i encourage it even though i don't understand bc i LOVEEEE seeing people talk about things they like it makes me so happy lol

so unfortunately i don't have a good response to all of that bc i don't really understand what you are talking about but i still loved reading it shsajdhsk so please don't feel bad!!!!!💖💖💖💖🥺

and thank you! i'm still alright, currently sewing a stuffed animal even though i don't have any stuffing for it lmao i'll get some later this week though so i can actually stuff him and make him into a like actual stuffed animal lol

#violet replies #🦋 anon

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skgway · 3 years

Text

1823 Aug., Wed. 20

11 1/2

Soon began on the erotics last night. Her warm, then [e]ncouraging. I said this was not like keeping our promise. She answered, ‘no’ and reached a towel to put under us to keep the bed clean on account of her cousin. I had retired too early for her. ‘Am I too soon for you?’ ‘Yes, rather,’ said she, and I resumed, determined she should have a sufficiently good kiss before I had had one. She said she had and we fell asleep.

Both awoke at five in the morning and talked till seven. Asked if this was not better than my sleeping in Micklegate. ‘Yes,’ but it was prudence # on her part. She had a feeling she could not describe. Would make any sacrifice rather than have our connection suspected. She seemed very affectionate and fond of me. Said I was her only comfort, she should be miserable without me.

Lou has got rather out of ∂ [Charles]’s good books she – Lou never got up to breakfast living with her uncle has given her very independent notions – He waited for her – Consulted her in everything – She told C– [Charles] one morning, she got up at the hour that suited her convenience – ∂ [Charles Lawton] has therefore been sadly out of his best humour this summer and π [Mariana] sadly fidgetted –

Told M– [Mariana] that she did not understand one 1/2 my letters, and misunderstood the other – That my aunt said (speaking of the regard between us), it was “much more on one side than the other”, – On my side then hers – Miss Pattison had blushed up to the sears, and told her at Manchester that ∂ [Charles Lawton] complained of her being cold and she wished she would try to be warmer when she returned. π [Mariana] said she and ∂ [Charles Lawton] very well knew the reason of that that she could not seem warm if she did not feel so.

π [Mariana] once sat next Miss Pattison’s uncle at dinner there and he said of her she looked like one who could love. I agreed, then reverting to ourselves, ‘this is adultery to all intents and purposes.’ ‘No, no,’ said she. ‘Oh yes, π [Mariana]. No casuistry can disguise it.’ ‘Not this then, but the other.’ ‘Well,’ said I, choosing to let the thing turn her own way. ‘I always considered your marriage legal prostitution. We were both wrong. You to do and I to consent to it. And when I think of blaming others, I always remember nothing can at all excuse us but our prior connection.’

I did not pursue the subject, nor did π [Mariana] seem to think much of it. The fear of discovery is strong. It rather increases I think. But her conscience seems seared, so long as concealment is secure. She said yesterday of Harriet, if she had never liked Milne I could have made more excuse for her. Thought I to myself, if none but those who were without sin threw the first stone.

Harriet, like the woman taken in adultery, might escape – Told her she needed not fear my conduct letting out our secret. I could deceive anyone. Then told her how completely I had duped Miss Pickford # and that the success of such deep deceit almost smote me, but I had done it all for her, π [Mariana]’s, sake. ‘Why should it smite you? ‘It is deceit that does no one any harm.’

I made no reply, but mused how sophistry might reign within the breast where none suspected it. How might not this argument best retched from one deceit to another. Mary, you have passion like the rest, but your caution cheats the world out of it. Scandal and your courage is weak, rather than your principal strong. Yet is it I who write this.

She’s true to me, yes, but she has not that magnanimity of truth that satisfies a haughty spirit like mine. She is too tamely, worldly, and worldliness is her strength and weakness her foible and her virtue. She loves me, I do believe her, as well as she is capable of loving. Yet her marriage was worldly, her whole conduct is worldly to the farthest verge that craven love can bear.

How often has it struck me that years ago when once talking to Lou about this marriage and the powerful circumstances that almost compelled it. ‘Well,’ said she, ‘you do not know π [Mariana]. She is worldly and the match was worldly altogether.’ This did indeed strike me at the time but it never struck me as it does at this moment – (Thursday 21 August 3 55/60 p.m. 1823) –

It now opens upon me as the key of all that all I have never yet been able to comprehend in her character. I have doubted her love, I have doubted her sincerity. How often with an almost bursting heart have I laid aside my papers and my musings because I dared not pursue inconsistencies I could not unravel. I could not deem the dial true, I would not deem it false. The time the manner of her marriage to sink January 1815 in oblivion. Oh how it broke the magic of my faith forever. How, spite of love, it burst the spell that bound my very reason suppliant at her feet. I loathed consent but loathed the easing more. I would have given the yes she sought, tho it had rent my heart into a hundred thousand shivers. It was enough to ask –

It was a coward love that dared not brave the storm; and, in desperate despair, my proud, indignant spirit watched it sculk away – How few the higher feelings we then could have in common! The chivalry of heart was gone – Hope’s brightest hues were brushed away – Yet still one melancholy point of union remained – She was unhappy. So was I –

Love scorned to leave the ruin desolate; and time she has shaded it so sweetly, my heart still lingers in its old abiding place, thoughtless of its broken bowers, save when some sudden guest blows thro’, and scrunching memory is disturbed – But oh! no more “the heart knoweth its own bitterness,” and it is enough – “Je sens mon coeur, et je connais les hommes. Je ne suis fait comme aucun de ceux que j’ai vus; j’ose croire n'être fait comme aucun de ceux qui existent.” Rousseau's Confessions volume and page first.

She loves me. Tho it is neither exactly as I wished, nor as I too fondly persuaded myself. ‘Ere years had taught me to weigh human nature in the balance or unlock the loveliest of bosoms with the key of worldliness. Yes, she loves me. My own feelings shall descend to hers. They have done so in part. How I could have adored her had she been more of that angelic being my fancy formed her. No thought, no word, no look, had wandered then. Surely my every sentiment towards her had had less of earth in it than heaven –

How like “the visions of romantic youth”! I know she might have realized then – Je sens mon coeur – But no more – No more – I seem unable to return to the dry detail of a journal –

At seven an hour before getting up asked her to get out of bed and wash. We both did so. Then got into bed again and had a long quiet good kiss and then a comfortable nap. Got up at eight. I laughed and said we must really both of us get well as soon as we could. We owned she thought I was worse than she was, and said jokingly ‘do you forgive me for it?’ ‘Of course.’ I set her at ease on this point, but yet the characteristic difference between us always strikes me. I am sure I should even shew twice as much as she really feels –

Went downstairs at 8 1/2 – Breakfasted etc. etc. Sat next Mrs Milne. Had been very properly attentive to her. Asked π [Mariana] if she was satisfied etc. etc. Said I would act as she liked but I could not decidedly change my manners to Mrs. M[ilne] unless my real acquaintance with her conduct might be acknowledged. She has been foolish again in corresponding with her cousin, Mr. Dannett. This was the thing Eli [Eliza Belcombe] alluded to when I was last in York –

Took leave, and off from the B– [Belcombe]’s (Dr. B– [Belcombe] had had rather a restless night but was nevertheless no worse). As the minster clock struck 10 found the horses to the mail at the Tavern door, to start at 10 1/4 instead of 10 3/f as I supposed – Asked the coachman to wait a minute or 2, and hurried into Micklegate – Only just time to wish then good by, and say I should be passing thro’ again in a fortnight or 3 weeks to spend a fortnight with M– [Mariana] at Scarbro’ –

Did not see Mrs. Duffin this morning – Miss M– [Marsh] whispered last night, she had had a paralytic affectation about a fortnight ago, and had been almost gone – I perceived no difference in her as I saw her sitting round the table last night – She did not attempt to move, but this being unnecessary, did not strike me –

Got into the new mail, and drove off from the D– [Duffin]’s door at 10 1/2 – Only 1 gentleman besides myself – Beyond Tadcaster took up a nice decent elderly woman – I never uttered all the way – Wrapt in musing – Thought of π [Mariana] and the three steps business, then about my manners and appearance. Building castles about their improvement, elegance, engagingness, etc. etc. The good society I hope to get into, etc., etc.

Thought of consulting Mr. Simmons, the surgeon. George Streetman, Chester. π [Mariana] consulted him. He feared some uterary of or belonging to the womb. Determine yet might judge from the effect of Scarbro whether Steph was right in supposing it merely weakness. He had treated her judiciously. She ought to be examined, but would not submit –

At Leeds at 1 – Got out for 1/4 hour and off again (from the Rose & Crown) at 1 20/60 – Beautiful day till we got to the New Dolphin Clayton heights, and from there to the Pine-apple

H–x [Halifax], a smartish, sunshiny shower – Got out at the Pine apple at 3 40/60 – Fair and fine immediately –

Got home at 4 – Went into the stable for a moment – Caradoc had gone on well – Then went into the house, and sat talking to my uncle and aunt till 5 40/60 – Then dressed for dinner – My father and Marian called in the evening, and staid till after 8 – I was absolutely asleep almost all the time –

Came up to bed at 9, at which hour Barometer 1 1/2 degree below changeable Fahrenheit 60º – Put by my things – Read the 1st 13 pages volume 1 Rousseau Confessions –

A bowel complaint. Dawdling to stick the pot up the chimney to prevent smell. Could not manage it. All this hindered and kept me up. E [three dots, times treating venereal complaint] O [three dots, signifying much discharge] A great deal on my linen. Saw it when I washed thoroughly before dinner, first with water then alum lotion –

[in margin]

#Tuesday morning 26 August 1823 This is very well in its way, but she has more of it than love –

# Did not give the slightest hint of P[ickford]’s real character, nor does π [Mariana] at all suspect the truth. I merely said she was the most learned woman I knew and had therefore more penetration than the world in general – π [Mariana] thought she should feel under restraint before her –

#anne lister #anne lister code breaker #shibden hall 1823 #mariana lawton #frances pickford

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defiantsuggestions · 3 years

Note

hi, anon who sent the privacy invasion ask:

i did think about ur suggesting and yeah, you're right, that wasn't appropriate language to use for that particular situation, or at all really.

everything else still stands tho, and i think it hurt more bc she usually didnt snoop around like that to my knowledge. horrible as she was, she never took my stuff without asking, and was generally fine with leaving my personal stuff alone.

so when she did that it was a huge breach of trust, especially since i had felt that she would never do that.

another story, similar cw's apply here:

recently, a while after i escaped her house to go to my paternal grandmother, i went to visit my maternal grandmother for the weekend.

it was 2 am, and i was trying to go to sleep, and i left my sketchbook out on the table bc i had been doodling a little.

she walked over to me to tell me to go to bed, when she noticed my sketchbook. just when i had closed my eyes, i heard paper rustling, and i snapped awake immediately.

she was sitting at my feet, looking through my personal, PRIVATE sketchbook, without asking.

i immediately remembered my mom, and i told her to stop and put it down.

she ignored me.

i said it again. same thing.

i told her to stop 5 times and she did not listen.

i tore the sketchbook out of her hands but by that point she had already seen everything.

i felt naked, violated, and wrong.

i told her she couldnt look through my stuff without asking first, and that it was wrong of her to do that.

she looked at me, and with a patronizing tone of voice, said "good luck in the real world."

i saw red.

immediately i smacked her (uninjured) shoulder in hopes that it would jostle her head out of her anus but no dice.

she got mad bc i slapped her shoulder (gently) after she snooped through the equivalent of my diary without asking and refused to stop when politely asked.

she complained to my aunt about how id smacked her and apparently gave no other context bc my aunt came to me the next day to ask what happened.

i told my aunt and she started pulling excuses like "well she really loves your art, her father was a painter so your art is her pride and joy," etc.

i could not give 2 shits. i told her no and she did not listen. she crossed multiple boundaries and laughed in my face when i got upset.

secondly, my art is not something you get to advertise like its your own. you dont get to piggyback off of my hobby for clout, ESPECIALLY not after what you pulled. my art is personal, and the fact that you bragged about it without my knowledge, likely sharing pictures as well, is revolting.

and then my grandmother came around and said (in a tone clearly meant to guilt-trip me into apologising, oh did i mention she does that a lot) that she'd never touch anything of mine again.

i said "good."

she took me home, and i couldn't pick up my sketchbook at all after that bc every time, all i could think about was how she saw everything inside and suddenly i didnt want to draw anymore.

she called me everyday after that to ask when i would be coming back over as if nothing happened.

it has been over a week and i havent seen her since.

i really dont want to see her. forever, preferably.

but my cousin has a birthday coming up in 2 days where she will, unfortunately, be there.

and knowing her, she's already shared her side and will get everyone to antagonize me about it, as usual.

wish me luck and pray i dont commit homicide in the middle of a 3 year old's birthday party.

this family is a goddamn nightmare.

(Thank you, I appreciate that. And everything else you said absolutely still stands, 100%.)

That sounds absolutely awful, anon. Privacy is a right, it is important, it needs to be respected.

A artist's sketchbook is their private property. It's nosy, rude and entitled to look through it without permission. And to keep looking through it when that person tells you to stop is just horrible. She has no right, it's your art and your property, not hers.

I absolutely hated it when my parents looked through anything of mine, it made me jumpy and secretive and less willing to show them anything.

And, her laughing you off? With """good luck in the real world?""" Firstly, excusing her shitty behavior with 'oh this isn't the real world you're so coddled' is bullshit manipulation and it doesn't make what she did okay. Second; if she did that out in public with a stranger, that would be harassment and theft.

Like, is she trying to imply that out there in the big scary "real world" people are going to nose through your stuff on the regular? Because that sounds like what she was trying to imply, and she is wrong. No one would accept that kind of behavior from her. What she did was wrong.

I'm so sorry you have to see her again. That entire situation is bull and you deserve so much more respect than what you're being given. Your privacy is important.

Please stay safe. Good luck at the party. I suggest you avoid taking anything personal, she's libel to try and guilt you into getting into it. Just get through the day and try to avoid her as much as possible after. Like with your mother; she ruined the relationship. Not you.

#defiant answers #cptsd vent

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ham-sandwich-lol · 3 years

Text

hey im about to rant about family

here's your trigger warning, just take caution please. i don't know what will come out of my mouth.

okay, let me list some of the cons and pros mixed together about my family

my younger brother

an ass sometimes

not that bad

he's the youngest, im the oldest, you know how that gets.

plays victim a lot but i learned how to get out of that shit

can change, i feel it

my mum

anger issues??? probably

she doesn't understand my feelings at first, but thats okay i don't either

knows how to manipulate jesus christ-

just wants the best, but somehow also expects more from me

she's better than some people

my dad

he guilt trips me a ton but im not the only one tho

gaslights me too

thinks that i feel the same as he does over situations

cares about what i do, not me

also has anger issues

doesn't know when to stop yelling my god

holds my brother and i to really high standards

but sometimes he's nice

he cares sometimes

hes not all bad, but its horrible when he is bad

my grandparents on my mum's side

literally the best

nothing bad about them

my biological grandpa died before i was even a thought but he was cool

they're very cool

always knew the best for me

i have nothing bad about my grandparents

my grandma on my dad's side

very nice

also have nothing bad for her

curses in italian and i find it amazing

can bake really well and i don't know how

very quiet tho

my grandpa on my dad's side

ehhh

he's okay

hasn't done anything bad

yet

hardcore republican and im a far leftist so

isn't bad until politics are on the table

my cousins/aunts/uncles/etc on mum's side

haven't seen them in ages

pretty nice

i actually haven't seen them in so long

a lot of smaller kids so that's an issue for me personally

not much else

my cousins/aunts/uncles/etc on dad's side

ehh

can be bad

oh god here we go

forgets about my part of the family a lot

also hardcore republicans (some of them, not all)

invalidated me a lot

THAT cousin on my dad's side

oh god i have sm against her

bitchy when i don't want to sleep over

ignores all bad problems in her fandoms (shipping minors, lewding minors, etc)

brings up other problems (family) and ignores main one

can't grammar right

thinks that if one bad thing happens the whole day is ruined for her

thinks that older adults that aren't close to her in relations aren't in charge of her when she's a little kid (ex: an aunt saying no, she thinks its everything but no since "you aren't my mum")

starts fights in games all the time

improper uses of tone indicators at times

has read inappropriate stories about minors

has an odd obsession with death, things like that, brings it up at the worst times

with that last ones, probably invalidates triggers

- called my online friends "narrow minded"

don't have much good for her rn

but like

i just wish they cared about my mental health more

maybe they do?

and i just don't see it?

oh but when they invalidate my human rights because of political beliefs (mostly my dad's side yay)

when they forget about me and what i do

(major TW) i might have talked about this before but

when your own father puts his g//n to your head and threatened to k!ll you when you were 9 because you complained about the snow during hunting season lol that hurt

"i love you more than i love myself" then act like it.

care for my health, whether its mental or physical.

just try to act interested in my hyperfixations

im sorry i wasn't enough though.

im sorry i couldn't be just like you.

im sorry i wasn't up to your standards.

but yet again im not.

then yet again i just want you to love me without questioning my existence and rights.

i want them to love me without questioning my rights.

or my existence.

or my hyperfixations.

or my habits.

or my illnesses, whether they be internal or external.

just please.

love me like a parent should.

treat me like your child, not a piece of clay you can mold into what you could never be.

#stank struggles #vent post #tw? maybe #definitely tw #im crying #please send help #i just wish they loved me more #why don't they?#they don't treat me like their child #they treat me like garbage #im sorry you had to read this #im sorry i wasn't enough though #bigman stank vents

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secret-engima · 4 years

Text

Seer LC OC Intro HCs/Profile

-Her name is Cyra. It means “like the sun” apparently and I have no idea how to pronounce it but in my head it’s like SIGH-ra and that sounds pretty.

-Very inspired by V of DMC-5 who gave me the idea for an LC OC with a cane in the first place. Therefore she has very pale skin, black-blue eyes, and very wavy black hair. She keeps it cut short to like- her chin because it’s easier to manage that way. She also has some tattoos on her arms and neck, but I haven’t decided if they be dragon scales (in honor of her past life as an Au Ra) or something else.

-Is 4′10″ of pure sarcasm and magical intuition.

-Is a reborn WoL Summoner, but her memories are ... patchy and she tries not to think of them. She still has her Carbuncles tho so not everything is terrible.

-She’s the result of Regis have a drunken night with a very pretty Altissian woman when he was Altissia during the Road Trip. This is ... a mild problem for Cyra because Regis’s “date” that night was with a NOBLEWOMAN. Who was part of one of Altissia’s oldest (read: snobbiest) noble families.

-Noble Family Was Not Pleased. But Cyra’s mom never got Regis’s name, so they couldn’t track him down to insist he marry her, so instead they hushed it up and married her to one of their branch members who had black hair so they could pretend Cyra wasn’t an Oops Baby.

-Cyra’s parents are wonderful human beings. The rest of her family are Not.

-Cyra’s magic is Weird and it causes her Joint and Pain Problems that nobody can properly diagnose even if its provable enough and bad enough she gets medication for them, and since her parents have kept her magic a secret from the rest of the family for Good Reasons her cousins/aunts/uncles often make fun of her for it and insist she’s just trying to get attention.

-Cyra can and has smacked people between the legs Very Hard with her cane for saying this to her face.

-Cyra is aware that she has Seer powers in the form of a very annoying and heightened intuition that makes her do random stuff sometimes MONTHS or YEARS in advance for a Thing without ever telling her what the Thing is. She calls it Susurrus and perceives it as an annoying male voice in her head randomly giving her instructions/clues like the world’s most unhelpful game tutorial that you can turn off. Why Susurrus and why male voice? Because guys are annoying but at least they don’t screech like the harpies Cyra regrettably has to call her cousins next question.

-Cyra used her Seer powers and her own natural heightened intelligence/maturity from being a reborn WoL to escape Altissia to a fancy Insomnian college at 14. Proceeded to intentionally STAY in college until she was 18 and a legal adult so she didn’t have to automatically return to Altissia barring extenuating circumstances. Is now the tired owner of two Masters because Everything She Does Is Overkill.

-At 18 she opens a second hand bookshop-cafe on the very borders of Little Galahd even though she isn’t Galahdian because the rates are cheap and No Noble Would Ever Come There so she doesn’t have to deal with the gossip circles anymore. It has a surprisingly spacious two-bedroom apartment on top so her biggest issue is getting down the stairs in the morning (this is what her spare cane she always leaves at the bottom of the stairs is for, because warping is so much easier than stairs but shhhhhh).

-She names her bookshop-cafe Second Sight. Totally because she sells second-hand books and you use sight to read said books. Totally. It’s not a sarcastic and bitter jab at her own foresight. Totally not. Nope. No idea what you’re talking about.

-She meets bby Prompto when the boy wanders into her shop looking for a book. All her red flags go up because this kiddo is not dressed like he’s from this sector. How far did he walk to get here and where are his parents?

-He basically has no parents. They’re always busy. He lives in the empty house all alone 90% of the time while they do business trips and conferences.

-Well.

-Who wants to abuse her college connections, her vast array of Susurrus-spawned favors, and her noble family name (without their knowing) to take custody of Prompto and become a 19 year old Mom with Joint Problems?

-Cyra. Apparently.

-Meets Libertus a few years after the Prompto Incident when he comes sniffing around in hopes of getting a new copy of a rare book that got ruined (STOP EXPERIMENTING WITH SPELLS IN MY APARTMENT CROWE). Decides he LIKES this place because it’s quiet and calm and the tea is good and he can read in peace without worrying about one of his idiots crashing in or setting something on fire because they don’t know this bookshop exists.

-Cyra and Libertus get along pretty well. Prompto likes him too so that’s a bonus. They are Casual Friends who are maybe contemplating asking the other out on a date but haven’t worked up the nerve yet.

-Until one day he comes in to find her quietly having a meltdown in the back because her Jerk Family Head just called insisting she come back to Altissia to marry a NIF NOBLE. And if she doesn’t comply they’ll cut off her medical support (which she does need, she has medication to take for her chronic pain).

-Libertus would like you to believe he is the Braincell of his group. He really, really would. He is the mature, sensible one who does NOT impulsively jump into things.

-Totally not. Never an impulsive, life-changing decision in his life.

-On a different topic, he knows an officials guy in the marriage license office who does elopements for Galahdian couples that don’t want to bother with Lucian Wedding Nonsense and the guy owes him a favor and no matter what else is wrong with being a glaive, being a royal soldier means AWESOME healthcare for self and spouses and kids.

-Wanna get married to spite your relatives while simultaneously escaping their thumb and getting to keep your kid and your shop?

-Cyra uses her cane to pull Libertus down for a kiss. He’s assuming that’s a yes.

-It only occurs to Lib a week later when Nyx walks in on him packing his stuff to move to Cyra’s apartment (since a condition of the Healthcare Thing is that spouses have to be living in the same place and like pyre he’s making the woman with the cane have to walk up and down Little Galahd’s network of stairs and bumpy roads to get to her shop everyday) and demands to know WHAT LIB IS DOING that Libertus realizes he... forgot ... to tell Nyx. Or anyone else in the glaive other than Captain who is probably just now finding the paperwork detailing his change in status.

-....Oops?

-All the Glaive in Unison: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GOT MARRIED A WEEK AGO WITHOUT TELLING US????????

#Secret Engima Rambles #Seer LC verse #hi yes pls love her #libertus/cyra #Cyra (OC)#ffxv #ffxv au #wherein a bookshop au saves the world

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