#minorities suffering in silence all cause of what the government decides to do

[gurorori]

how i wake up knowin lgbt ppl have lost all the specks of rights we've ever had in this country & no one will ever talk abt our issues other than ourselves cuz we r worthless in the eyes of current world

#like how does it feel to know yr not able to start any kind of HRT or have any kind of gender affirming surgeries or even #change yr legal gender & names #n very recentlly they banned lgbt contents EVERYWHERE. before that point it was bqnned under the guise of protecting children so it mosrly #affected very public things & family friendly n children oriented things but its all wide ban now #its always been extremely dangerous for us here but its gotten So so much worse #id love to see this damned country burn down to the ground as much as the next one #but im tired of ppl pretendin their activism us good activism when they r ready to throw away millions of #minorities suffering in silence all cause of what the government decides to do #n its especially tiring as someonr from an immigrant family realisin bein brought up in the other country wud alleviate like a lot of #those current issues but i cant tell u

[thyandrawrites]

Shouji's logic and reasoning, and by extension the hero's, kind of sucks honestly, if this was all that this plot line was building up towards.

'The next generation will do/be better', really?

I mean, it's not as bad as 'you hurt people so your argument is invalid' but it's still not great.

It's kind of a circular logic that turns baby steps into milestones, that then keeps feeding into itself over and over. The people who are truly against the changes that the mutants (minority) need are just going to ensure their children feel the same way as they do, some may break away but we've seen (even in bnha's story) how powerful a narrative taught since childhood can be. And even when there is real improvement (like written laws), all it would take to undue such slow and peaceful change at a societal level is one too many (or too powerful) A-holes coming into prominence in government to undue it.

Do you feel the same or differently ? And what do you think about it either way?

I am kinda of feeling put off by Spinner and Shoji's treatment these last chapters. it feels weird, like Spinner is being silenced by the narrative when put against Shoji.

Two different asks, but I'm answering them together.

So, my thoughts on this are the same as my thoughts on the Shouto vs Dabi fight. None of this was news (with the sole exception of the added quirk racism angle).

The tl;dr version is that the heroes are responding the way they always respond to any criticism aimed at the system: they're shutting down the argument instead of addressing any of the points that were raised.

Shouji is not an exception. Shouto, Ochako, Deku and Mirio have done it as well. It's a pattern, and the fact that their knee-jerk reaction is always to defend the system without blinking twice is meant to be part of the problem. I'm not stating any of what follows to judge them, or to expect the impossible from them. But the kids are parroting the kind of narrative their society is based on, because they grew up as part of said narrative, and can't see past it.

Shouji roots his argument on the idea that Spinner (and his followers) are not channeling their anger "the right way." Because they've elected to use violence, they've automatically "lost" the debate, because violence is always bad and unjustified.

This idea echoes Shouto's words to Touya. Every time a villain who fell through the cracks attempts to have a dialogue with heroes, the response they receive is the same: your reasons are good, but you dragged innocents into your path, so I won't even pretend to listen to your demand for social justice.

The problem with this reasoning is that heroes routinely use excessive violence, too, and just as routinely get away with it. Even foregoing how the number one and two were exposed as a violent abuser and a murderer respectively, and got no consequences because they're hereoes... There's also the fact that the institution behind heroism has been killing people with opposing political views for decades, and keeps doing so even now. The whole first war arc was set in motion by Twice's extrajudicial murder, and several attempts were made to extend the same treatment to Shigaraki as well.

So. "Violence bad" is a losing argument when both sides have bloodstained hands. Both sides have shown a lack of remorse for the methods they used when they were fighting for a cause they deemed worthy. In the heroes' case, it was "the greater good." In the villain's, some sort of social retribution for their suffering.

But let's take it one step further. In the specific context of mutant discrimination, Shouji's words ran particularly empty imho.

The kid claims that this ambush "sets back their cause 30 years." I find this a malicious scapegoating. Why?

The mutants are *not* responsible for their own oppression. Similarly, they're also *not* responsible for the punishment they receive when the privileged class in change decides they were existing a little too loudly for their liking.

If I'm honest, I found this rhetoric abhorrent when I first read the leaks. I'm still holding out hope that it was a mistraslation because the phrasing was... Pretty bad. Like, echoing real world bigotry bad. But this hope seems pretty thin, considering how Shouji also submits that the solution to that discrimination is to just... Lay down and take it until things get better.

Now, here's where I'm conflicted because Shouji was also a victim of that quirk racism. He was covered in bandages, and now has scars to match. He was called slurs, singled out as carrier of "tainted blood", made to feel like he was lesser, monstrous, and like he had to mask up for other people's comfort as well as for protection from further harm. It's not even fatfetched for him to normalize the bigotry he suffered and shrug it off as something he's just "used to." But I think the mistake he makes is demanding that all victims of anti-mutant discrimination should feel the way he does, and adapt the way he did. But I think it's also important to note his bias here.

[Edit: I'm switching the angle of my analysis a bit here because I realized the flaw in my reasoning. Please share this version of this post instead of the one where I fell for the trap of "who is the more oppressed" mentality that... Leads nowhere because it's not a competition]

Shouji seems to think that since change won't happen during their lifetimes, mutants should all work with their current circumstances instead of working to dismantle them. He wants to affect change from within the system because he believes this to be a better alternative than seeking, and I quote, "retribution."

Basically, like all of class A, Shouji is an idealist. Even if he doesn't have all the answers yet, he believes that individual battles can one day turn the tide for the cause.

He's obviously motivated by a wish to move past senseless violence and bloodshed, and his ideals are not wrong in theory. However, the irony here is that by shutting down fellow heteromorphs and siding with the system over the voices of his people, he's unconsciously promoting in-fighting.

As I've stated elsewhere, he's not offering them a dialogue, but just serving the interests of the oppressors by creating differences between himself and the villains. Instead of acknowledging their common ground, he says "I was persecuted too, BUT." The but is the problem. He's seeing a fundamental difference between them, and blaming fellow victims for the "set backs" of the cause, instead of addressing why would non-heteromorphs want mutants to stay quiet about their oppression in the first place.

For so many people, that prejudice and discrimination is still their daily reality. The threat on their lives doesn't go away simply because some kids in a hero school are determined to make the distant future a better place. It's all nice and well that Shouji aims to be the kind of hero who can affect change for heteromorphs from inside the heart of hero society, but it doesn't stop nazi-coded cults like the CRC from harming people in the present.

When you see how bad things are outside the city, Shouji's words of reassurance about the next generation are just an empty platitude. They might come from the heart, but they don't mean anything to those who need the heroes' help right now. Those people need shelter and security. And the point is, they're not currently getting it.

Chapter 370 shows the crowd parading around CRC masks on pikes. So long as people are granted the freedom to reunite and discriminate against heteromorphs, there's no such thing as advocating for non-violence. It's people like the CRC that threw the first (non-metaphorical) rock. It's not the same thing and it cannot be the same thing when people fight back for their right to live. Protesting, fighting back, even when the circumstances dictate the use of violence for self-preservation, does not have the same magnitude as the violence perpetrated by the oppressors who literally want to wipe you out.

In other words, we're facing what's known as the paradox of tolerance. To truly have a tolerant society, you can't tolerate hate crime.

Incident 6/6 was a massacre against "innocents", too. Heroes don't get to use that word as moral ammo only when it supports their narrative, and elect to ignore it when it doesn't. If violence against defenseless people is always bad on principle, how come the only time they decide to enforce it is when it makes them put villains behind bars?

#Bnha #Bnha spoilers #Bnha meta #Meta:bnha society #Bnha 371 #Spinner #Shouji mezou #My post #Meta:shouji

[mysticalrambling]

Hello

I m new on your blog and read your work and i fell in love with your stories. I read you were interested in taking request so can you take my request too? I was wondering if you can write a steve rogers x reader, where y/n is his girlfriend and he leaves her after civil war and then they see each other in infinity war, he tries to patchup with her but she ignores him because in past he often compared her to peggy and also because she knew about him kissing sharon and she is hurt. During the fight she doesn't talks to him and when tony returns from space she still continues to ignore Steve and when he confronts her she snaps at him for hurting her for a long time. He apologizes and somehow they makeup and also him kissing sharon was misunderstanding because sharon kissed him. And then they are happy together and also in endgame the reader is worried steve will stay in past but he comes back and they get married with the team present and have kids and live happily

Happily Ever After (S.R)

A/N: Thank you so much lovely and I loved the plot line. I loved writing about it and I made a few additions to the story. Hope you like it and I am open to more requests.

Steve Rogers Fanfiction (Fanfiction Master List)

Summary: Steve comes back after Civil War and you are angry with him because he left you. You do not forgive him because you thought he cheated on you and he always compared you with Peggy. But he returns from the past when he chose you over Peggy and you forgive him. You eventually get married and expand your family.

Warnings: Angst but eventual fluff.

._._._._.

He stood right there in his Captain America shield with all his former glory. Your ex boyfriend looked the same but there were some differences like he had a full grown beard and he was more muscular. He kept staring at you with longing and pain but it was not even the half of what you experienced while he was gone.

“(Y/N), you need to take the position left to Steve.” Tony pulled you out of your trance and you just stared at him when you comprehended his order. He had been there for you from the moment Steve left you after the Civil War. Sitting with you when you couldn’t sleep at night and forcefully feeding you when you spent the whole day starving. He didn’t want you anywhere near Captain but you both always worked best together and there were much more important matters at hand.

“But Tony, I can be with Steve.” As much as Rhodey wanted to be away from all of the people that were responsible for his fall, he didn’t want you to suffer. They all had seen you fall apart on the Avenger base when you realised that your boyfriend left without saying good bye to you and without an explanation. Just telling Tony on a voice message to take care of you wasn’t enough.

“I’ll be okay, Rhodey. You are needed near the buildings so if some of the aliens escape our defenses, you can be there to protect the city.”

All of the avengers kept stealing glances at the both of you because they knew that it was only a matter of time before you exploded. But they were wrong. You were not the stubborn, hot headed woman that did not let anyone walk over her. That woman died when Steve left. He took her with himself.

"Take your positions and give them hell." Steve and you made your way towards your designated place.

"(Y/N), listen to me. I-"

"Do not talk to me. We are done." Keeping your eyes trained on the path, you avoided meeting his eyes.

"But, let me explain. I did not have a choice. You sided with Tony and I couldn't tell you that we were leaving." He tried to catch up with you but you were a woman on a mission.

"I did not side with Tony, I sided with the accords. And I was working my ass off to get you all out of there and I looked like a fool in the end." He collided in you as you abruptly stopped in your tracks.

"(Y/N), I didn't know-"

"You didn't know because you never tried to contact me. I was the one who had to go through multiple trials with the government because they thought I helped you all to escape." There were tears pooling in your eyes and Steve wanted to kill himself for being the cause. "I was benched for four months, for Gods sake."

You are reminded of those horrible times when you didn't know what your next step was going to be. The others tried to help you but you had to suffer through all the criticism alone. Some days you just wanted to leave it all behind and start a new life. But you weren't a coward. You wouldn't let anyone run over you like this and ruin your life. Getting back up was tough but you managed it. The day that you were allowed back on the field was the day that you decided you were not going to let anyone ruin your life.

"(Y/N), I made a mistake and I missed you so much." He tried to touch you but you flinched. A look of hurt passed his eyes and retracted his hands.

"Let's just fight. I want to kick some ass." The war crafts soon landed and you all got to fight. You had to admit that Steve was one of the best teammate that you had. He knew when to defend you and when to let you attack. You were busy fighting two of the aliens when one came from the back. Steve saw it and immediately came to your defense. You were never going to admit it but you missed this.

When the fight ended, you both made your way towards the main compound and saw all the avengers gathered together. Steve and you only had minor cuts throughout your body but nothing major. The moment you saw what all the commotion is about, your breath hitched. It was Tony with half of his skin burnt and taking his last breath.

Kneeling down beside him, you started crying. "Hey, it's okay. Just be happy and do not hold on to old grudges. Take care of family for me, please." Pepper was beside you and she started crying harder when she heard him. "Steve, come here for a second."

"I am so sorry for everything. You will always be my friend, Stark."

"We both were in the wrong, Cap. For what it's worth, do not lose (Y/N) because she is the best thing that has happened to you."

Tony was on his last breaths now and you both moved aside because Pepper wanted to have some last moments with him. There were some rifts in the team since the civil war but at this moment, you all were in this together. Tony was the one who brought you all together and saved many of you from your abusive lives. He was your best friend and you didn't know how you would spend your life without his sarcastic comments and his new inventions.

"You go, Tony. We are going to be okay. I love you." The words that left Pepper were a mere whisper but because of the pin drop silence, you were able to hear her.

"I love you too," Uttering his last words, he finally closed his eyes and all that could be heard were Pepper's wails of agony. Everything after it was a blur; the med bay, the briefing, the funeral. Time seemed to pass you by and you were numb the whole time. It was like a large piece of your heart was torn away from you and you didn't know how to react.

"(Y/N), can we talk?" Natasha lightly knocked on your door before you muttered a small come in. She looked around the room and noticed the lack of pictures in your room. The warmth that once radiated from your room was now gone. There were pictures of you with the team, with Steve and with Natasha. You liked to capture all the memories and it was one of the things the team loved about you.

"Hi."

"Hello. I just wanted to see how you were doing after everything."

"I am fine. Just processing everything." The loose thread on your blanket was the main focus of your attention right now.

"You don't seem fine. I know you, (Y/N)."

"No, you don't." Scoffing at her ridiculous statement, you felt anger bubbling inside your chest. "You were one of the first people who became my friend when I came to this tower. You knew I couldn't live without Chris and you. You both were my support system."

"(Y/N), I wanted to tell you everything. Believe me, I did. But we had to keep it a secret because we had to protect the other avengers as well."

"I have been listening to this reason from the past few days and I am done. I was ready to help you guys and you could have just contacted me once. I didn't know if you were dead or alive."

"I am sorry. I wanted to do it but it was never the right time. Half of the times you were surrounded by government officials. Can you forgive me?" The red head came and sat next to you on the bed.

"I can but I don't know if we can go back to the way things were."

"It's okay. We will be friends again. And as a new friend, I just want to tell you that Steve was miserable these past two years and he loves you so much."

"I don't want to talk about him, Nat. Let's go to the gym and spar."

"I am going to kick your ass as alway, (Y/L/N)."

"I have been practicing, Romanoff." You both went on to sparring and Natasha won in the end. However, the whole day you kept thinking about your ex boyfriend. He had been trying to talk to you from the past two weeks. It was hard for you to ignore him but you were now reminded of the times when he compared you with Peggy.

The small things that you did was always met with criticism like Peggy did not work in the field like this or Peggy wouldn't talk to him like a brat. Apparently, she was the mature one and you could never compare to her. Most of the times, you tried not to let the comments get to you but you were human. He might have done it unintentionally and you didn't want to hold it against him. But it hurt.

"We are going to talk today and you are not going to run away this time." He blocked you in the kitchen when you came out of your room to drink some water.

"Funny how you are saying that I am the one that is running away. Hypocrite much now, are we?"

"(Y/N), I am apologising to you because I can't live without you."

"You did so well for two years, I don't know why it is a problem now."

"I understand that you are angry with me. I wanted to be with you so bad but my duty as Captain prevented me from it." Your face was turned away from Steve but you turned towards him when you heard the words leave his mouth.

"Your job is more important than me?" Enraged, all you could see was red and you wanted to punch the daylights out of him.

"I thought it was but not anymore. You are the most important thing in my life and I don't want to lose you."

"Well, you have other women in your life so you don't need me."

"What other women?" Steve's confused gaze swept over your face when you spit those words out.

"I know about Sharon. You kissed her when we were still together. You cheated on me and I hate you for it." Pointing your fingers at his chest, you didn't realise when your voice started to rise.

Steve held your hands and pulled you close to his chest. "Sharon kissed me and I immediately backed off. I would never cheat on you."

You couldn't believe your ears right now. This was one of the things that helped you get over Steve. Believing that he cheated on you, made it a lot easier for you to despise him. Granted that never happened but it was still easier. However, he was still stuck in the past and he did not want to admit it.

"Even if Sharon is not a problem, you are still stuck in the past."

"What do you mean?"

"You are still in love with Peggy and I can not be your second choice anymore."

"Peggy has got nothing to do with this. She is dead and I love you."

"But I would have never been the one you loved if Peggy was here."

"That's not true. You both are totally different people and I love you now." Steve didn't know how to explain it to you. The things he felt for you were totally different for what he felt for Peggy. You made his breath hitch and his heart pounded whenever you smiled at him. He was so in love with you that he didn't think it was possible to love someone this much.

He knew that he compared you with Peggy before he left but at that time he was not ready to leave the past. It was unfair of him to do that to you while you tried very hard to meet all his expectations. However, he realised afterwards that you did not have to meet any of his expectations because you exceeded all of them. He felt so guilty and he just wanted to have you back in his life and forget about all the things that happened.

"I don't believe you."

"Please do. I want us to be okay before I go to return all the stones."

"You do that and then we can talk about us." He gave you a quick peck on the cheek before you could say anything. You were pretty sure that would stay back with Peggy and that's why you didn't want to reconcile things. You didn't want him to break your heart again.

"Ready to go, Cap?" Scott asked as he rechecked the time machine again. Everyone glanced at each other when he said that because they all thought that Steve might remain in the past for Peggy. They all had their doubts but everyone was scared to say them out loud. "You only have five seconds to get back before you are stuck."

"Ready." He glanced at you one last time and stepped in to the machine. You held your breath as Scott counted out loud and when he reached the number four, you were sure that he wasn't coming back. You were about to turn back when a snapping sound echoed throughout the room.

"I told you I will come back." Coming to a halt right in front of you, you couldn't believe your eyes. You pulled him in and kissed him ferociously.

"I love you."

"I love you too and remember that no one compares to you. I am really sorry."

"It's okay. You passed the test." When you both kissed again, all of your friends cheered for you.

As time passed by, you realised that Steve was the best person you could have possibly ended up. He was the literally the man of your dreams. Waking up to him every morning, cuddled up in your bed to going to bed with him kissing you goodnight. Steve made you breakfast every morning even when he was getting late and weekends were only reserved you.

The day that he proposed was still so clear on your mind. You remembered how he was nervous for a week that you thought something was seriously wrong with him. He would stutter and sweat when you got too close to him like it was a new relationship. There was a barbecue for the whole team on the compound and you all were gathered around the garden with drinks in hand. Everyone was enjoying it to the fullest when out of nowhere Steve knelt in front of you with a ring in his hand. After listening to his speech, you said yes with tears in your eyes.

"Are you ready?" Natasha asked you as she smoothed down your wedding dress that you spent months picking out.

"Yes." Pepper helped Morgan with the flower basket because the seven year old wanted to be the flower girl.

"Okay, then it's time." Walking down the aisle was worth it when you saw the adoration flicker in his eyes. He said some of the most heart warming words that had you ruining your eye makeup. It was a beautiful ceremony that only included close family and friends. You wanted a private wedding and you announced it to the world the next day. They all went crazy but the positive response was overwhelming to say the least.

Four months in to the wedding, you realised you were pregnant. Natasha was the one who sat beside when you waited for the test while Pepper brought a million of them for you. You were scared to tell him because you never discussed the possibility of having kids in detail.

"Just tell him. He is going to be ecstatic." Natasha tried to soothe you when you started crying with your face in between your hands.

"Okay. Steve will be home anytime soon."

"We should probably get going." Pepper and Natasha made their way towards the door and gently closed it.

"Hey, babe." Kissing you on the cheek, he immediately went to the washroom to take a shower.

"We need to talk."

"Sure. What's up?"

"I am pregnant." Blurting it out was not what you had planned but you couldn't think of another way. He stopped folding his armor midway and just looked at you with disbelief in his eyes.

"Are you serious? Oh my god. When did you find out? I am so happy, baby."

"I found out about an hour ago. And you are seriously happy?"

"Of course, I am. We will have a mini you or me with us in nine months. I love you, baby."

"I love you too." Keeping his hands on your stomach, he hugged you tightly and you knew that you got your happy ending. You were one of the luckiest people alive because you have a husband like Steve and now you were going to have family with him.

Hope you guys enjoyed it!!

._._._._.

A/N: I love Captain America and I was happy to write a fanfiction about him. If you guys have any more request, I will be happy to write about them and message me if you want to be added to the tag list.

Taglist: @justile 

Like, comment and reblog.

._._._._.

#rachelleblodgettwrites #my writing #creative writing #tv shows #steve rogers angst #steve rogers #steve rodgers x reader #steve rogers blurb #chris evans x wife!reader #chris evans x reader #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fluff #andy barber x wife reader #steve rogers one shot #dad steve rogers #chris evans x female reader #dad chris evans #marvel #natasha romanov #tony x pepper #tony stark #rhodey rhodes #my imagination

[sasa-gay-yo]

Just Us (Chapter 17: I Love You)

← Chapter Sixteen 

Warning: NSFW CONTEND AHEAD. MINORS DNI!

For my protection. That was his reason. The government had started following the Scouts extensively after the mission to reclaim Wall Maria. Soon after, they were only following Levi around, trying to find any way to purge him out of the government. He didn’t want me to get caught up in his mess, and he knew I would fight for him if I did, so he thought the only way was to leave me. He thought the only way was to hurt me so I wouldn’t come back because that’s how it used to work for him. Break their hearts and they’ll leave you alone. He also showed me a letter Jonas had written him a few weeks after their return. That coupled with the journal he read over and over was the tipping point for him. It would be better if I wasn’t around him, but he knew that the only way to make it possible for both of us was to build a barrier that we didn’t dare cross. 

Levi, 

She’s suffering because of you. Every day, I see her smile fade, looking out at the table you used to sit at. She cries at night when she thinks I don’t hear. She cried the other day, drunk on wine, thinking about what she had done wrong to make you act this way towards her. You need to let her go. If you aren’t going to come anymore, make it clear so she doesn’t have sickening hope to keep her going. She won’t keep going. She’s fallen in love with someone like you before, and even then she almost killed herself before she was let go. Let her go now. It’s the safest way. I’ll care for her. I’ll convince her. I’ll make her happy where you couldn’t. Just leave her to me and let her go. 

Jonas 

Yet, even with these excuses, the letter, and the journal, he apologized over and over again. Sometimes on his knees in front of me. Sometimes without words. At night, he would hold me now, having read about how many sleepless I had without him; lonely nights he caused. It seemed that two things had changed as a result of our “hiatus”. One, being Levi recognizing what was love and affection, and how he, indeed, needed it to survive now. He wasn’t afraid anymore, and behind closed doors was bold. He even stopped asking to do something, his timid self leaving and replaced with a more confident lover. Second, after the court hearing, he truly realized that I could take care of myself. Right there and then, facing death with one slip up, I was able to save him as well as the Scouts' reputation. It was this one strong act of loyalty that was enough to tip him over the edge. Levi was now completely mine. This was evident. There was to be no tip-toeing. There was no time to tip-toe anymore. We were to love and love vividly as neither of us had ever before. 

Still, my emotions were left untouched. While he was busy begging for forgiveness, the feelings I had in that year-and-a-half of isolation were pushed back in my mind. I didn’t want to ruin the time we had with what I deemed to be trivial. I didn’t want to remind him once again of the loneliness and desperation he left me with. The self-doubt. The self hated. All of these things. I left it for another day. Another time. And soon enough, it would eat away at me. In the near future, he would do it again. That was my resolve. He would do it again, leaving me alone with only my thoughts and a shirt of his, and these feelings would creep up inside of me.

I decided to wait until that happened. If it happened again, I would tell him what I was feeling. I wouldn’t let his apologizes and touches and kisses silence my wavering feelings of abandonment. I would tell myself that over and over again. I would tell him, yes. I would. I have to… but then his smile, vibrant and whole, would make me forget. Momentarily. His devotion. His touch. Love would come in place of abandonment. 

Sometimes it would scare me. I would wake in the middle of the night in his arms, his eyes staring down at me as he had yet to fall asleep, and I would feel this overwhelming sensation. I’d never felt this before. Not with any other man I’d been with. I thought I knew what love was until Levi and I started again. This was love. This was devotion. Willing to sacrifice ourselves for the other. The court case had made that clear. Still, it was scary to be this for another person. Those nights, I would tear up, remembering the lonely months previous, and he would brush my hair out of my face, holding me to his chest and humming me to sleep. How long until I lose him again? Was this overwhelming feeling in my chest only because I knew he would leave soon? Levi would never be permanently by my side. How can I keep loving someone like him this much without hurting myself? 

Levi was scared too, but for a different reason. He was scared of death. This was the demon that would always chase him. At night, when he found sleep, he would still jerk awake, sometimes sweat covered and tears falling down his cheeks. I would rub his back and sometimes get out of bed with him to talk it over a cup of peppermint tea. There was no hiding what he saw when his eyes were closed anymore. He would see me die. Isabel and Furlan. Erwin. Hange. His cadets. I realized during those nights how broken he truly was. How scared he was to love because of death, just as I was of abandonment. I’d reassure him over and over, rain hitting the windowpane above, but still, he would have this doubt in the back of his mind. Life made this doubt, and nothing was going to move it. I’d just reassure him enough to coax him back into bed and hopefully catch the last bits of sleep. 

Like Erwin had promised, Levi was given the month off. Which quickly turned into two at Levi’s harsh request and a nice letter I wrote to Erwin, attached to a box of freshly made cookies. How did Erwin expect for us to catch up in a month? The first month was for loving. The second was when we would actually talk over things. This was what I had determined. Erwin had sent back the empty box with only one note: Don’t get pregnant. I rolled my eyes at that and threw it into the trash.

“What did he say?” Levi gestured to the paper I’d thrown in the trash and I just shook my head. 

“Nothing important. Just a joke.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me in front of him as he sat down in a wooden chair. His hand let go of mine, moving it to touch my waist lightly. It was night time and the café had been vacant of people for a few hours. It was time to start preparing dough and fruit for the small batch of pastries and bread tomorrow. People were slowly starting to feel the effects of famine. Their stomachs and their wallets. Sadly, the only thing that seemed to keep me going was the reward Erwin had promised. With his money in my pouch, I went about the capital market with Hange, buying supplies I needed. They filled up the cart we had brought with us, but even now, only a month later, they were almost all gone. Reeve’s was suspending orders left and right, and soon they would start firing their workers. I was also getting to a desperate point as well. If people stopped coming into the café, remembering the hours I’d sat in the empty room this past month, I would close down and use the profit money for my own survival.

“What are you thinking about?” I looked down at him again, noticing how the tiny sliver of moonlight through an open crack illuminated his eyes to an almost silver color.

“The future.”

“That’s why I don’t do that,” he quipped back, dropping his hand to lean back in the chair, the front legs lifting up off the floor I’d just cleaned. I frowned and rolled my eyes at him, walking away to check on the rising dough. 

“Yes, we know.” He followed behind, rolling up his sleeves so he could help me. This time, there wasn’t enough dough to divide between the two of us, so he ended up cleaning the two tea cups we were drinking out of. 

“Why think of a future when you’re never guaranteed one?” I slammed the dough on the table, starting to take out my annoyance on it instead of him. 

“Ah, yes, because you’re one to live in the moment, Levi.” He just chuckled and ended up leaning on the sink edge, looking out at the single window that was opened. The moonlight was still reflected in his eyes. 

“You’re from the Underground. You should know why thinking about a future is dangerous.” 

“We aren’t in the Underground anymore, Captain Levi.” He frowned and I moved on to portion the dough.

“Stop saying my name like that,” he groaned out, turning his head to the side and looking at me out of the corner of his eye. He was more accustomed to his nickname now. Just Lev. When I said his full name or title, he knew I was mad or annoyed at him or something. 

“Thinking about the future gives me hope,” I used a knife to cut out four pieces of dough,  “It makes you want to live.” He held up his hands. 

“No one said I didn’t want to live.” I cut the next piece of dough rather harshly, making the knife slam against the cutting board.

“You’re content with dying.” 

“I’ve made peace with the idea, yes.” I grasped a small piece of dough that I’d just cut when hearing those words. Now I was angry. There was no drive in his voice. Made peace with dying? That just wasn’t acceptable. I threw the piece of dough at him and he just stood there, taking my assault. 

“Think about a future and then maybe you won’t be so content with dying, Levi.” He wiped off the leftover flour from his shirt, his expression unchanging. 

“Then what is your future? If you’re so adamant about it.” His voice had a hint of annoyance in it, trying to hold back from yelling at me for ruining his fresh shirt. This made me freeze up a bit. My mind went straight to one thing. One thing I know Levi has personally said wouldn’t happen. One thing I know that Levi could care less about. One thing he didn’t want. Therefore, I shook my head. 

“None of your business.” He turned to face my body, keeping one hand on the counter and the other on his hip. 

“You can’t just lecture me about this and then refuse to tell me.” This is when I realized the weight of his words before. Why would you think of a future when you know it won’t happen? I knew this future wouldn’t happen, and here I was mourning it. Fuck. He got me, and he knew he did. 

“No, I don’t have to tell you. It’s my future.”

“But I’m in it, aren’t I?” I dropped my hands, taking a deep breath in, “That’s why you’re so upset right now.”  I hung my head this time. Not wanting to feel tears welling in the corner of my eyes. I haven’t felt them for a month now, and they were starting to feel unwelcomed. How dare I feel sad at a time like this? I can’t feel sad when time is fleeting. 

“You’re in a lot of people's futures, Levi. Not just mine.” It was low, and he could tell by how my voice trembled that I was about to cry, but he wanted me to face his harsh reality. He wanted me to know the reality of the world. I couldn’t be optimistic about the future. No one in our world could be. I would just be disappointed. At least that’s what I thought. 

“Tell me then. What’s in our future?” I shook my head again, this time turning away from him and using one hand to wipe away the stray tears. 

“Tell me.” I kept my hand hovering over my mouth, hoping that if I started crying loudly, I’d be able to muffle them with it. 

“There are no titans. You and I, we run this cafe. We’re married and there are two little kids running around, knocking over empty chairs while people come in and out, smiling down at them. A boy and girl. The boy has black hair, the girl brown. Both have silver-grey eyes. You yell at the children, telling them to stop playing around. They apologize, looking up at you with your matching eyes, then back at me, waiting for me to soften your annoyance at them; releasing them to run around again as you groan because of my acceptance of their rowdiness… but then you look at the two of them and smile softly before being swept up in an order.” There was silence again, but this time it was dense. I had to put my hand over my mouth, muffling whatever whines were coming out of it. His silence was telling. He didn’t like it. He didn’t want it. I was the only one dreaming of these things at night, falling asleep in his arms. 

A hand landed on my shoulder, squeezing once, before drawing me into him from behind, completely enveloped with his chin resting on top of my head. He still didn’t say anything. He just tried to comfort me while I was mourning something I knew wouldn’t happen. He didn’t have to tell me. I knew. I knew. 

“I’ll try my best to give you what you want, but some of it is unattainable, Eva.” 

“What is?” He felt him swallow hard and his arms tightened around me. He wanted me to know that he was still here, even if the future he wasn’t going to be. He wasn’t going to try to promise me anything he couldn’t keep. 

“I’ll try my best.” That was his way of saying that none of it was going to happen. Sometime during my cries, he turned me around to settle into his chest. At this point, I wasn’t mad at him. I was just sad. Sad because I wouldn’t get to have what I wanted. Not with him. Jonas was right. At some point, I would have to sacrifice if I wanted to be with Levi. Erwin had told me that too. I just didn’t know at that point, almost three years ago, what the sacrifice was going to be. My sanity. My emotional clarity. A husband. Children. I was just going to be the woman who owns a cafe. I even have to sacrifice the public’s knowledge of my own relationship. I’d sacrifice it for someone who wasn’t at my side for most of the year. 

That was the scary part. The one that I’d think of over and over again at night. The scariest part was that deep down inside, I was ready to sacrifice it all for him. I loved him. Yet, he’d never said it back to me. Did Levi feel guilty for not being able to give me what I wanted or was this a struggle I’d have to get through alone? And I’d get through it alone… for him. 

That night, his grasp was a little tighter than before. He was still trying to make up for earlier. He was trying to show me what his feelings were, but he couldn’t say them out loud. That would be the nail in his coffin. That’s what still made me doubt. I’d look him in the eyes and just chant over and over tell me you love me. If he just said those three words, then I think everything would be all right. He’ll try his best. What did that mean? What was his best? At his best, was he still not able to say he loved me? 

The next few days, he would be closer to me when he could. He would hold me tighter when he could. He was trying to tell me that he was here in the present. He wasn’t going to leave right now. He was trying to compensate for the future he was convinced he couldn’t give me. He couldn’t give me kids and he couldn’t make me his wife, but he could try his best. Those words were a sting to my heart every time I heard it. His best would be leaving me at the end of every upcoming month to go out and try to kill titans while trying to not get killed himself. 

The next week, when he showed up from his weekly visit to the Scout HQ, rose balm in hand, everything in the past week seemed to be forgotten. The future, along with the emotions I had yet to tell him about, sat in the back of my mind. He bandaged my hands for me, applying the balm in a meticulous fashion, hoping that this time he would be able to get a big supply of it before he went on his expedition. 

“Erwin had gone to the capital a few days ago and Premier Zachary asked about you,” he informed me as he started with my right hand. I pulled a disgusted face and this made him glow with some semblance of happiness. 

“What did he say?” 

“According to Erwin’s short summary, he wanted to know more about you currently. Where you live, what you do. Things like that. I wouldn’t be surprised if he sent someone here to find you out.” I could hear the anger rise in his voice as he applied the balm. 

“Is that why you haven’t been coming downstairs recently? In case they see you.” He nodded. 

“It would get both of us in trouble if they started to suspect something. I don’t care at this point, however. Even if they saw us randomly meet each other in the marketplace, they would report it as a relationship. While the people who wanted to persecute me would see it as more evidence, the rat-bearded bastard Zachary is only interested in finding about more about his prey.” I swallowed at the word prey and Levi noticed that he didn’t tone down his wording like normal. Around me, he tried to be more gentle with his words, substituting curses for other things, but other times it slipped out. According to Hange, Levi had quite a vocabulary and he wasn’t afraid to yell at the cadets with it. 

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just sa-” 

“I know, Lev. I just have to be smart and reject any advances in a way that doesn’t make him upset. He is your highest up boss anyways.” He slipped back into a smile and nodded at my words. 

“So smart,” he mumbled and his praise made my stomach fill with a few butterflies. Levi doesn’t praise anyone. I found that out by being stuck in the Scout HQ for a day. I assisted Hange and snuck around out of sight, but I was still able to observe the way he trained with the cadets. Once when a cadet performed a near perfect maneuver, cutting through three titan dummies at a high-speed pace, all Levi could say to her was “If you were going so fast, why didn’t you get a fourth one?” I guess he only had a little bit of praise in his body and it was all reserved for me. 

“The Garrison members stopped playing cards last week, so I guess we can take that as notice the news of the trial has spread to Trost.” He tucked the very end of the wrap underneath another, taking a piece of medical tape and securing it tight. I told him that since today was my day off, he didn’t need to wrap my hands, but he acted like it was another one of his duties. Everyday before I start work, he would sit me down, sometimes in a sleepy silence, and wrap my hands. Other times, he would pull me upstairs after lunch rush to take the dirty wraps off and replace them, asking about work or some random thing he thought about while doing leftover paperwork in the office upstairs. While Erwin gave him the month off physically, he still had mountains of paperwork that he brought back from his weekly meetings. Times like right now, he would use wrapping my hands as a distraction from the mountain of papers growing. The two weeks leading up to the expedition were going to be the busiest, so much so that he couldn’t go to bed the same time as me and I’d wait up for him, reading a book. Most of the time, though, he would have to wake me up and move from his spot on the bed since I was sprawled over the whole thing. 

“I’ve finally got the paperwork for it, so I’d assume so. I had to literally confirm every scar that you and Hange wrote down, so thanks for that.” He turned back to the desk and I leaned forward to look at the paper, an empty diagram of a body drawn on it. 

“I can help you if you want.” He raised an eyebrow, looking out of the corner of his eye. 

“Is this just another excuse to get me undressed?” I gave him the same type of look. 

“Hypothetically, if it was, would it work?” He gave me one smirk before shedding off his shirt. Even if I’d seen this many, many times in the past two months, it never lost its effect. Levi’s clothes hide years of fighting, ODM usage, and overall hard labor and work. Of course he was going to have every possible muscle defined. His shoulders were my favorite. Broad. Easy to rest my head on.

“Here,” he handed me the paper and a pen freshly dipped in ink, “starts drawing and labeling. Don’t miss one or we’re fucked.” I started with the scar near his collarbone. 

“I don’t know. Prison can’t be that bad. You could beat all of them up and become king.” He rolled his eyes, sitting back on the chair so I could get a full view. 

“I think the last place I want to be is in a military prison. They’ll just lock me up in a single cell for the rest of my life. I’d break out though. Shitty guards.” 

“A fugitive then. I’d hide you.” He smirked and huffed once in laughter. 

“If we mess this paper up, we’re both going to become political fugitives. Where should we escape to?” I turned his head so I could get the side of a small scar under his jawline. 

“A cabin somewhere. Maybe by Utopia District. No one likes to go all the way up there… I hate to ask you this, but do you think they want me to write down all of your scars?” He raised his eyebrow in confusion and I turned the paper to him, pen pointing to the legs. 

“Oh, uh. Just to be safe?” He stood up, looking down at me, and took his pants off in one swift movement, folding them to put on top of the desk. Now, he was just sitting down in a pair of linen shorts. He pushed them up too, pointing out some scars on his inner thighs. 

“How did you get these? I don’t see you wear shorts.” I poked a scar on his inner thigh and he squirmed when I did that. Was there a certain tension building in the room? Yes, but I chose to be naïve to it.

“Knives can cut through fabric. Most of the ones on my legs are from the Underground. Others are from cutting through trees with ODM too fast. I had to get used to branches since there aren’t trees in the Underground.” I nodded, staring intently at the scars of his legs, and I could hear him cough once before turning his head to the side. We stayed in this position before I told him to sit backwards on the chair so I could get the marks on his back, flipping the page. It didn’t get past me how uncomfortable he looked trying to get settled with his front pressed up against the back of the chair. There was something in the way. This made me smirk and I reached out to touch his back, tracing some of the larger scars.

“This one is from a titan?” I remembered clearly one in the center of his back was marked by medical tape from Hange. I traced down it, seeing his fists grab the top of the chair slightly, making sure he knew which one I was talking about. 

“I was saving a cadet and got caught on its front tooth. Had to shove a sword in it’s ugly-ass mouth so it would let me go.” I hummed, acknowledging his story and moving on. Again, his back was as marvelous to look at as his front. Here, one could clearly see the muscles he had from carrying the ODM gear and wielding the dual swords. I remembered back to the first time he’d exposed himself like this when I took the bandages off for him. Back then, I don’t think I was in a state of mind to notice all the scars he had on his back. I was unconsciously tracing them as I drew and labeled on the official paperwork. 

“What’s this one? I don’t know it.” I traced again, a small circle near the edge of his linen undergarment. I felt him shiver under my touch and he looked over his shoulder at me, jaw a little tight. 

“Bullet wound.” It was short and I could hear the strain in his voice. When he turned back to face the wall, I let my smirk come out. If I stopped now, would he be able to turn back around in confidence? With this, I just leaned forward, pressing my cheek into his upper shoulder blade, feeling how warm his skin had become. 

“Finished?” He asked, and I just nodded into his skin. 

“You have so many.” He snorted. 

“I was born fighting. Plus, I have to always save these cadets’ asses on the field. It’s only natural.” He didn’t turn around, just crossing his arms and slightly leaning back into me. I closed my eyes, feeling his touch and warmth again. At night, he always sleeps with a shirt on, so I rarely get to feel him like this. 

“It’s only fair you let me see the scars you have.” I opened my eyes and looked up at him, his head half-turned to look down at me. Something in my stomach stirred when he said that. 

“I don’t have half as many as you. The biggest ones are my hands.” He apparently felt composed enough to turn around, shifting to hide something stirring in his lower half still. 

“Let me rephrase. You made me strip twice, once in front of the entire military brigade of Mitras. It’s only fair.” He gestured his hand forward and it made me snicker. 

“You’ve seen me without a shirt on a few times, Lev.” He opened his mouth to protest, and then closed it again, thinking of a better rebuttal. 

“I haven’t had my hands tracing your back for thirty minutes trying to rile you up.” I rested my head in one hand. So he did notice. 

“What do I get out of this?” He tsk-ed, crossing his arms over his chest again. 

“You always want a reward. Fine, I’ll give you one. Just let me look at your scars first. An equal exchange.” I perked up when he said that, and I could tell he almost laughed at how willingly I took my shirt off, leaving me only in an ivory brassiere and my skirt. Then his hand pointed down as to say ‘that too’. Just like him, I stood up, but I slowly unbuttoned my skirt and let it slide to the floor. Now we were both sitting there, only in our linen undergarments. We’d been here before, really, but only in short, spur-of-the-moment type situations. One moment, my underwear would be off, and then just ask quickly he was putting it back on so as not to expose me so much to himself. He did the same with his linen shorts. This was much more… intense. He took time to sit back, his eyes scanning over every curve of my body. It made me twitch, my foot tapping waiting for him to reach out and touch me like he said he was going to do. 

“You have a considerable amount. I hadn’t noticed before. Turn around.” He made a circle in the air with his finger and I obliged, leaning forward to rest my head on the top of the chair. I heard him move forward too, his breath wafting over my shoulders. This sent shivers down my spine, making me sit up straight. Then, he reached out with one finger, tracing the shallow white lines and indents. With each movement, a jolt was sent down my spine and into my stomach. I had to lower my head to hide my blush and the heavy breathing. He was giving me back what I had done to him. 

“This one?” He traced a medium-sized scar up and down, right below the back of my brasserie. 

“I-I fell out of a tree when I was younger and landed on Jonas’s bicycle.” He hummed and I felt the air that came out of his nose gloss over the right side of my neck. When I turned my head to the right, looking over my shoulder, his face was right there. This made me swallow hard and the butterflies in my stomach started flying around even faster. It was comical how this small touch was making my mind fuzzy. I had seen him bare before. I had touched him. He’d touched me. But nothing like this. 

“And this one?” It was a whisper right in my ear and it made me physically jump. He felt it and I heard a small laugh come from him. The scar he was tracing was in the middle of my back, just like the one he had. His finger was just tracing it up and down, waiting for my answer. 

“The… t-the edge of a… a brick building,” I breathed out, the ending shooting up an octave as his right hand went around my middle, pulling my back right into his chest. His head was resting in the crook of my neck, but he was only looking forward, staring at the same blackboard that I was, filled with possible battle formations and other things he’d written about fieldwork. His other hand, the left, came and squeezed my thigh, slowly tracing again. Up and down. I couldn’t pretend I didn’t feel his newfound arousal pressing into my back. This made me think hard, heart beating fast. While this wasn’t the barest we’ve gotten, this was the most intimate in ways of sexual attraction. Was this going to be the night? 

“All these scars you got before you met me, hm?” He shifted just his eyes to look up at me. I swallowed, not trusting my voice as his hand coasted higher and higher on my thigh.

“E-except my neck.” This time he hummed, and I felt the vibration filter through my back. His hand slowly went from my thigh to my neck, lightly grasping the sides and rubbing that same finger along the thin scar the refugees had given me that day so long ago. The scar itself would be gone in a few years, not being deep in the first place. 

“I wanted to kill them. For some reason. I usually never want to kill humans.” His voice was softer, remembering the same moment I was. 

“I’m glad you didn’t.” His grip on my waist tightened and he pulled me back enough so I was completely resting on him. His skin was still hot to the touch, almost burning. 

“I’ll do anything to protect you, Eva.” I lowered my head, my thoughts instantly going to a week ago. He would do anything but marry and have kids with me. 

“Anything?” I felt him seize up, just a tiny bit, knowing what I was referring to. I had just ruined his nice moment. This is why I’d held back my feelings for a month. Reasons like this. If I had just kept my mouth shut, what would we be doing now? 

“I can’t give you children.” 

“I know.” There was a pause in his heavy breathing. I couldn’t feel it on my neck. I couldn’t feel the in and out of his chest on my back. He was holding something in. He was going to say something that he had to prepare for. 

“But… I’ve thought… over this past week...” He sat up, his head no longer resting in my neck. At this new angle, with me leaning back all the way, he could just simply look down at me. There it was. Disbelief. My eyes widened in disbelief too at the words that exited his mouth. 

“... But I’m not opposed to taking your hand in marriage in the near future.” I sat up right away, looking him right in the eyes. They were as dilated as mine. 

“Really?” 

“Yes, really.” If he had a shirt on, I would have grabbed it to pull him to my lips. This time, I moved forward, my hands flat on his chest pushing him back against the chair. He moaned slightly at my sudden attack on his lips, but these kisses were deep. They weren’t like our various sessions on the couch or deep in the night when we both couldn’t sleep. I wanted to say thank you. Over and over. I wanted to say I love you. Over and over. And he responded, kissing me back with the same passion. 

He pulled me on top of him, my legs hanging off the chair on either side of his. His hands were slowly tracing up my back, leaving what felt like a path of fire with their ascent. I wrapped my arms around his neck, one hand in his hair and the other grabbing at the skin on his back, holding my composure. Usually, at this point, Levi would ask permission for a single thing. The only thing he would do that night. May I take your bra off? May I see you down there? Yet, there was no stopping. His mouth wasn’t pulling back from mine to ask a question, and if anything he was kissing me at a bruising pace. 

When he pulled my hips down on him fully, grinding up into the crevice of my inner thigh, I knew he wasn’t going to stop tonight. I tested it, arching my back into his chest, hoping to connect my core with his own. He whimpered once into my mouth when I did this, and still, he didn’t pull back like he did before. This made my heart burst, and something fueled me to push further. Levi was going to allow it. 

His lips detached from mine, going to my lower jaw, then my neck. With one hand, he moved my head so he had the complete amount of skin to work with. I held him close to me, my eyes fluttering closed as he found that perfect little spot at the base of my neck. 

“Levi,” I moaned, and I felt him smirk into the softness of my skin, not stopping his assault and leaving a small bruise, matching the other ones. Once his hands coasted over my waist, they went back up, stopping at the back of my brasserie, two thumbs slipping under the material to test the waters. I ground down on him again, letting him know that it was okay. His dick twitched up into me, excited by my given consent, and in one swoop he unbuttoned the linen fabric and threw it somewhere across the room. It was going to stay there. 

As soon it was off the heat of my skin contrasted with the cold air of the room, making goosebumps rise all over my skin. I arched my back again, giving Levi a full view of my breasts, which he was obliged to take. He just sat back, like he had when I’d taken my shirt off, and took in my body in front of him. This made my arousal grow, and I knew that at this point he could feel it seeping through the thin fabric of my undergarment onto his. He was just there, staring, not giving me any relief. This time, he wasn’t going to rush through things. One hand went up, his thumb glancing over the peak of my right nipple, making me shiver at the touch. He took that in too. The way my body was so ready to be under his. 

“You’re beautiful,” he mumbled, leaning forward to kiss the valley between both of my breasts, “All mine.” His voice was low and had taken on a new filter that I’d never heard before. His voice was making me drip. 

“Lev, please.” He looked up at me, face between both of my breasts, and slowly brought his other hand up to pinch my left nipple. I squirmed at this, my sense going overboard at just how little he was giving me. I tried to get relief by using his own arousal to rub against mine, but he had shifted back, only allowing me relief on his thigh. I would take it at this point. All of this sexual release had been building up the past month and a half. He would touch me so little, making me orgasm with his fingers or his mouth so quickly, and then move on with the rest of his day. He would never allow me to pleasure him either. It was like he was playing with me this whole time and I wanted it to be over. I wanted him to finally have his way with me the way I knew he wanted to. The way in which his eyes still lingered over my post-orgasm figure, wanting so bad to enter me. 

“Please what, Ev?” He whispered, teasing me completely. His elbows tightened around my sides, practically lifting me off his thigh so I couldn’t move anymore. Until I answered him, I was immobile. I bit my bottom lip, looking up at the ceiling as his thumbs just rolled over both of my nipples in tandem. He would make me sit here like this for hours if I didn’t answer.

“Touch me,” I groaned out, but he didn’t move. I tried to squirm again, motioning to him that I wasn’t having this, but he just chucked. 

“I am touching you, brat.” I outwardly groaned when he said that, letting him know just how dissatisfied I was with this current situation. The slow stimulation of my breasts was driving me crazy, and it was almost worse than this whole month-and-a-half of half-filled orgasms and longing touches. 

“Please fuck me.” This made his elbows go slack, but so did his hands, finding their way to my waist again, holding me there. It felt so demeaning having to ask him like this when he knew for so long that that was exactly what I wanted. Yet, he was still laughing, grabbing my chin so I had to look him right in the eye. He kissed the edge of my mouth, then my cheek, then my jaw, teasing over and over by pushing his thigh up into me at his pace. All I could do was sit there and take it. 

“I’m going to make love to you tonight, Evlynn. I’ll fuck you later.” He picked me up, standing from the chair, and carrying me a few feet into the bedroom. Slowly, he laid me down, coming to hover above me. He kissed me once, then twice, then descended to swirl one of my nipples in his mouth, the other being attended to by his hand. This time, I had nothing to grind into to relieve the aching in my core, and all I could do was rub my thighs together for some relief. He noticed this, and opened them, settling himself in between so I couldn’t rub against anything. 

“Any pleasure you feel tonight is going to be because of me,” he asserted, moving to my other breast. I just moaned under him, wrapping one leg around his hips to pull him closer onto me. His lips moved, kissing down my stomach, hovering over some of the scars he assessed earlier. While he was taking his time, moving so slowly, I had to relieve something, so I grabbed my breasts myself. Rolling them in my hands harshly to feel something other than his teasing, featherlight kisses. 

“Hands up!” He bit into my thigh. I blinked, looking down at him as he was directly between my legs. His eyes were blown out and intense, and he had given me that voice. The one he talks to the cadets in. He was ordering me. With wide, doe-eyes, I did what he said, not daring to go against his orders. 

“Good girl,” he mumbled into my thigh, moving his hands under them to give a better vantage point. Again, he started teasing me. The closest he got to my center was kissing the edge of my undergarment. Above him, I was a whimpering mess, trying to move my body so maybe his lips would slip somewhere else, but he moved his hands up to hold me down into the bed. For a third time, I couldn’t move and I had to take everything he wasn’t giving to me. 

“I want to take you in slowly. I’ve waited so long for this.” Even the breath he let out from that sentence missed my core, giving me no form of relief. I could only grab onto the pillow above me, his pillow, and pray he would give me it soon. I had gotten so accustomed to him just going for it, that now this was torture. He wasn’t giving me his fingers, his mouth; nothing. It had me groaning and whimpering under him louder than ever before. 

“Please, please, please, please.” I got some power and bucked my hips up to his face, which made him smile up at me and run one finger down my slit, feeling the wetness of the cloth covering it. 

“All for me?” I just nodded, my head having been thrown back by that one single touch, “Words.” He lightly slapped my clit, reprimanding me. 

“Ugnh - fuck!” He slowly circled my clit with one finger, waiting for me to answer his question. The way he was commanding me was setting a fire in my stomach and it made me mold to comply. 

“All for you!” I let out in one breath, a loud moan following as it gave my clit a single kiss, the fabric still in between me and his mouth. If he didn’t start soon, this bastard was going to make me cry. My eyes widened then, looking only at the ceiling in realization. He wanted me to beg. He wanted me to use my words. 

“Levi, please take it off.” He looked up at me, only the tip of his tongue circling my clothed clit, motioning to the reason why he hadn’t taken it off yet. My hands were at my sides, clutching the sheets. Slowly, I lifted them up again, crossing them above my head to try and secure them. 

“There we go,” he said, pulling off the only article of clothing left on my body. When he did this, he sat upon the bed, his hands going with him. There he was, looking down at me completely naked before him. His eyes were darkening still as he could see my wetness glisten just for him. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he took one finger, always one finger, and dragged it down my slit collecting the juices that were already there, “My beautiful girl,” he pushed his one finger inside of me, “All laid out for me. Finally.” 

He moved his finger in and out, drawing moans from me. They were loud. They were whimpers. He was finally touching me in the way I wanted. Not fast. Not quick. He added a second finger, which made my back lift off the bed slightly and he moved to push me down with one hand. In and out, in and out, just stretching me. Only when he felt satisfied with how much I drenched his fingers did he move his mouth down. He took no time latching onto my clit, giving it kitten licks at first. As soon as he sucked on the bud once, then he allowed his fingers to curve, hitting the one spongy spot he’d studied the location of. My eyes were blown out, stars dancing in my vision. The way he was working his tongue over the most sensitive part of my body and using his fingers to get me up to my high had me spinning. He’d never used them in tandem. No man had ever used them like this either. I was shaking, my nails digging into my forearms, trying to keep them above my head. I didn’t want it to stop. If I dropped my hands he would no doubt stop. I wanted to drop them and shove his head down on me further. 

“Look at me.” I did, right away. Wasting no time and giving him no excuse to punish me again. I looked as his mouth was completely on my core, eating me like a man who had starved. No, he was a starving man, now getting full off of me. His tongue was giving long, harsh licks to my clit, and now his fingers had moved to a faster pace, hitting my g-spot with every thrust. I chanted his name over and over like a poem. Like one of those hymns, the Order of the Walls would sing on the streets. My song. Levi. Levi. Over and over again. He wouldn’t let me fuck myself on his tongue, one arm completely over my hips, and soon, I felt the knot grow in my lower stomach. 

“I-I’m… close!” I shouted out, and his eyes conveyed complete lust, looking up at me writhing for him to give me what I needed. I needed to cum like this. It was nothing I’d felt before. The knot was so tight in my stomach and I was yelling so loud, the neighbors a building over might come and knock tomorrow morning. 

“Please. Please, can I cum? Please!” His mouth came down once more, harder, sucking only on my clit. All it took was one harsh curve of his fingers coupled with a single, long lick, and I was coming undone on his tongue. This wasn’t like before. My hands came down, grabbing the sheets as I was sent into my high at a crushing pace. His fingers were still going in and out, overstimulating me as I shook from head to toe. The only thing on my tongue was his name. Once I started to jerk away from his fingers, tears welling in my eyes motioning to him that I had come down from my orgasm, he pulled them out, sticking them right in his mouth to clean them. 

“So dirty.” 

He moved back up my body quickly, latching his lips onto mine, giving me a taste of myself. His tongue slipped in too, now not at that slow and deep pace we had before in the office. This time, he was the one being tempted by a release. He ground down on me, my wetness covering his shorts again. This time, he was completely hard and when I put my hand down to rub him, to tease him like he did me, I relished in the fact that he didn’t move my arm away. He let out a grunt in my ear as I finally was able to move my hand inside his undergarments and grab onto his dick, hard and long. I felt it all. The veins, the ridges, just how big he was. Slowly, I jerked him up and down, using my thumb to tease his slit. His jaw tensed when I did this too like he had to hold back to urge to ravish me in the way he told me he wasn’t going to do. 

“Can I take them off?” I asked, and he went to kiss me, this time lighter as he looked directly into my eyes. He reached down and took them off himself, my hand still going up and down his length. Now, we were finally both naked in front of each other. Not just one or the other. I was finally touching him. He was finally letting me see all of him. I looked down, noticing the size and the redness he was displaying. I knew then what I wanted to do, but when I went to slide down to try and give him relief with my mouth, an equal exchange, he held me below him, a harsh grip on my hip. 

“I told you. This is about you.” He reached down and took my hand off of him, lacing our fingers together. The cocky captain that was ordering me while between my legs had left, and I saw the vulnerability in his eyes as he lined up with my entrance. I put my other hand on the back of his neck, encouraging him to push forward. 

“Are you sure you want me to?” He asked, a moment of doubt. He’d never made love to anyone before. 

“I want only you, Levi.” I pulled him down to kiss him, another deep and long kiss, and when he pushed into me completely, we both groaned into the kiss. It had been a while since I had sex, and he could tell by the way I winced softly as he pushed back in again. He kissed my forehead, then my cheek, his hand squeezing mine as he slowly started a pace in and out. After two thrusts, he hit the spot inside of me that sent my body reacting up into his. I was no longer in pain, and both of us were wrapped in pleasure. He angled his hips up expertly so he would hit my g-spot with every thrust, and soon his head was buried in my neck, whispering praise. 

“You feel so good. You’re so good. Mine. All mine. So beautiful, taking me like this. Perfect.” I threw my head back again, and he took my other hand which was digging into his back, putting it above my head. He used one hand to hold them up there, and the other to squeeze the sides of my neck, cutting off my air. This sent shockwaves to my core and my head. 

“Oh my, yes! Yes, yes, yes. Levi!” 

“Ugh, so fucking gorgeous with the moonlight on you. Fuck, you were made for me. Look how well you’re taking me. Pussy sent from above. Just for me.” His praises made me pant and cry with every thrust, making my body set on fire once again. The knot was ever-so tighter with him pounding into me, losing whatever slow self-control he had earlier. We were both chasing our highs for our first time together. I looked into his eyes, the moonlight shining into the grey, making them seem so bright. So open. He’s going to marry me. That’s the thought that was running through my head. This man. This handsome, gorgeous man was going to be mine. This man, who was whispering sweet nothings in my ear making me feel like some goddess, was going to be mine. 

“Oh my god, fuck!” He grunted loudly in my ear as his hips snapped harshly into mine. 

“I’m going to… I’m-” He took the hand off my neck, reaching down to circle my clit. 

“Me, too,” he breathed out. So close. So close. 

“Levi!” I called out, as he pinched my clit ever-so-lightly, sending me right into my high. This time, I couldn’t control how my body was moving below him, my second orgasm taking complete control of me. He was still pushing in and out, having to use the hand that was on my clit to hold my hips down. 

“Fuck, Eva. God, I’m going to…” He whined loudly in his ear, the overstimulation hitting me again, and this seemed to be what sent him over. Pulling out quickly, he came on my stomach, head thrown back in pleasure as his hand milked everything out of him. So much came out, painting my stomach in white. I was breathing too hard, trying to recover, to care. He still had his head buried in my neck, and I realized what he was whispering, caught up by the pleasure his orgasm had brought him. 

“I love you so much, fuck. Eva. Love you. So much. So perfect. Evlynn. God. What did you do to me?” This made me breathe harder, eyes watering finally hearing him say those words to me. I didn’t even move when he got up, turning the oil lamp in the bathroom up to go get a towel.

He finally said it. 

His feet padded against the ground, and I sat up on my elbows, looking at him standing in the door, one arm gripping the side frame. His eyes were still ever intense, looking at me down on the bed, towel in hand. My legs were still shaking, and the look he was giving me wasn’t helping. My chest was moving up and down now, but not because of the activity previous. To break the tension, he just smiled, coming over on the bed to wipe me off, folding the towel, his towel, and putting in on the top of the dresser to clean later. He grabbed the blankets, opening them to crawl underneath and pull me with him. I was lying completely on top of him and he had one hand rubbing my back, the other playing with my hair. It had been five minutes and we still hadn’t said a word to each other. 

“I love you,” he whispered into my hair, and I smiled, snuggling into him more. A few tears came to my eyes too, just like when he said he was going to marry me. 

“I love you, too.” He sighed and pulled me up higher so my head was in his neck this time. He pulled the blanket up higher so that I was covered up to my neck. 

“No one’s ever told me that before.” I gripped him tighter, sitting up so that I was looking down into his eyes. There it was again. Disbelief. Fear. I needed to get rid of that. 

“I love you, Levi.” He just nodded, smiling slightly up at me. 

-

“Oh god, fuck!” I yelled into the pillow, his hand pushing my head down into the mattress as he pounded into me from behind. I had to turn my head to the side so I could breathe with the force he was using. I knew I was going to have bruises on my legs from earlier in the night, but now that was going to be mixed with handprints as he found out quickly how nice my ass bounced when he slapped it. 

“Levi!” I called out at one aggressive thrust, hitting the spot I desperately wanted him to hit. He was being mean to me this morning, saying how I was so rude going to leave him in bed alone to go down to work after he’d just made love to me. He also said he promised to fuck me after. So here we were. Now, I was going to be late. At least there weren’t any customers who came in this early anymore. They would be hearing my moans loud and clear through the floorboards.

“That’s not my name, brat.” He took his hand off the bed frame and pulled me up by my hair, my body now flush against his chest. I let out another moan as this position made it so easy for his dick to angle up and give me the high I wanted. Another hash slap to my bottom told me he wanted me to correct myself. 

“Captain!” I yelled out, and this satisfied him, shoving me back down and starting at a relentless pace that made me and the bed move forward. I grabbed at anything to keep me stationary, and my moans were beginning to sound dumb, mixed with the saliva coming out of my mouth. I couldn’t catch my breath as he hit against my cervix with every thrust. 

“C-Captain! I’m c… coming!” He sped up, trying to fuck me through my climax, only to reach his own, pulling out to spread his seed over my bottom. After he was done, signaled by him going to get the towel he had folded up last night, I collapsed down onto the bed, stomach first. My knees were in pain from being in that position for so long, him using his dick to tease me into oblivion and submission.

“My legs…” I groaned to him as he cleaned me off and he just gave one masochistic chuckle, throwing the towel into the dirty clothes bin. 

“Should I sneak down and put a sign on the door that you won’t be open today?” I rolled over, now on my back, looking up at him, still bare, but one hand on his hip. He seemed completely unaffected by what he just did to me, other than being extra sweaty. I narrowed my eyes at him, not liking this sudden cockiness.

“Should I tell Hange you like to be called Captain in bed?” I smirked up at him and his smile dropped. He was now glaring at me, but the blush in his cheeks didn’t slide past me one bit. If I could sit up without hurting my guts, I would poke his cheek. 

“G-Get the fuck up… you brat. How can you have such a bad work ethic? Sleeping in for so long!” He grabbed a fresh pair of linen pants, sliding them on quickly, and walking out of the room to get away from me. 

“I love you!” I called out to him. 

“Thanks!”

Chapter Eighteen →

Chapter Masterlist

#levi ackerman scenario #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x oc #levi ackerman #levi ackerman smut #levi smut #levi aot #aot x reader #aot smut #Captain Levi #snk levi #snk #AoT #attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan smut #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyoujin levi #Levi Heichou

[lucisfavoritedemon]

Waiting For Forever Chapter 10

Pairing: Bucky x reader, Sam x platonic!reader

Summary: You met Bucky for a brief second at a fair him and Steve attended. Little did you know you would run into him again as you assist Peggy with Steve. There was just something about the sadness in Bucky’s eyes that night that captured your soul, and he was all you could think about. You have a secret though. You aren’t exactly who he thinks you are. This is a story of love, loss, and overcoming any obstacle thrown your way.

Warnings: fluff, slight angst, Bucky being the cutest dad ever, cursing, reader really despising Walker, violence, talks of sexual actions

Word Count: 6467

A/N: This is my thoughts on what happens to reader During The Falcon and The Winter Soldier: Episode Four (roughly). It is not 100% accurate, but I wanted to put a little twist to it. This gives you a glimpse at how the reader and Bucky are balancing work life and keeping their relationship some what professional. I added in some 3rd person POV to get insight on what Bucky’s thoughts are in a certain part. That will be in italics. It is kind of a long one, but there was a lot of detail I wanted to add. There also is something mentioned that I may consider doing a What If...? twist with. Y’all let me know what you think, would that be something you’d be interested in? All mistakes are mine. TFATWS SPOILERS!!!!!

Enjoy!

Of course that’s what Ayo wanted. I didn’t blame her either, Zemo killed their king. Of course Bucky and Sam just had to break him out of jail, and here we are about to feel the wrath of the Wakandans. 

“Why did you free Zemo?”

“We need him.” Bucky responded.

“In all honesty, I agree with you Ayo. I wish he would have left well enough alone.”

“We freed you of everything that went back to the Winter Soldier.”

“And I’m grateful for that.”

“Have you forgotten that he killed King T’Chaka at the U.N.?”

“Of course not.”

“My people, those men put me in charge of watching over him, protecting him.”

“I understand that.”

“Maybe we should give him back to them.” Bucky starts to speak Wakandan, “he’s a means to an end.”

I roll my eyes at this. This was absolutely unbelievable, I agreed that Zemo needed to go back. He was going to stop at nothing till he had manipulated us into letting him go free. It would be an endless cycle, a loop that never ended.

“You have 8 hours. Then we come for Zemo.”

Ayo walked away. She didn’t look happy at all, and frankly, I didn’t blame her. I turned around and started heading back to the place Zemo had for us to stay. Bucky grabbed my wrist making me face him. He gave this pleading look, and I knew he was either asking for forgiveness, or to talk.

“I understand your frustration. I do. He’s the last chance we have at finding Karli. Once we’re done, I’ll give him back to the Wakandans. They can do what they will with him.”

“I don’t need you to explain your reasoning. I just knew having Zemo around was a bad idea.”

“I get that. I just need you to trust me. When we’re done with him, I’ll give him back to them.”

“Fine. I’m giving you 6 hours. They’re a little more generous than I am.”

“Fine.”

We walked back to the house in silence. I hated being the bad guy in this, but I believe someone had to be. We walked back in as Zemo stepped out of the bathroom, presumably after a shower. I went and sat down on the couch as Bucky walked to the island in the kitchen. He glanced down at his phone, and his face went sour.

“What’s wrong Buck?” I asked, concerned.

“Karli blew up one of the GRC warehouses. 11 injured, 3 dead.”

“It seems I may be the only one here who is brave enough to finish this mission.”

“We aren’t going to kill her.” Sam stated.

“If it came to that, would you be strong enough to do it?”

“No one is killing anyone, besides me killing you Zemo.” I glared in his direction.

“It’s people with her ideals that have formed the Nazis, Ultron, the Avengers.”

“Those are our friends you’re talking about.” Sam snapped.

“The Avengers, not the Nazis.” Bucky added, for clarification of course.

Zemo started to go on about supremacy, and how Karli is a supremacist. Then he started to talk about super soldiers, and it really got my blood boiling.

“What about Steve?”

“There has yet to be another Steve Rodgers.”

“You wanna know why that is Zemo?” I looked at him seriously this time.

“Why would that be?”

“Because Erskine hand picked Steve. All he ever wanted was to prove to the world that the person who is the most underestimated, can come out on top. It’s why so many people looked up to him. He was part of the minority group. He wasn’t meant to be a good soldier, but a good man.”

I looked away from the group as I recall Erskine's huge speech to Steve. He always knew exactly what to say to people. It’s how he gained my trust so quickly. He treated me like his own flesh and blood when others wanted to use me for my powers. He protected me from Schmidt in Germany before we moved to America, and he continued to do so even after his death.

“When I was young my TT passed away.” Sam started. 

“Your, your TT?” Bucky interrupted

"Yeah, my TT."

"Wh-who is your TT?" Bucky questioned, sounding a little annoyed and confused. 

“Okay when I was younger, my aunt passed away. The whole community came together. It was a week long thing. Maybe they’re doing the same thing for Donya Madani.”

“That’s actually not a bad thought. A lot of cultures do it.” I agreed.

Zemo goes to one of the cupboards and grabs a container, dumping it out, and tossing something from it to Sam. “Turkish Delight. Irresistible.”

We all decided to go and ask around to see if we could figure out whether we could find out where her funeral was. Zemo of course started to go off about how so much has changed since he was younger. We decided to split up, I was with Sam, and Bucky got stuck with Zemo.

Sam and I walked up to the upper level, and began to ask around. Everyone ran away from us though, and didn’t want to speak with us. They all looked scared and very weary. We walked into a room where it looked like a lesson was taking place.

“We’re looking for Donya Madani, she was a refugee here.” Sam spoke up.

“We are not refugees. We have nothing to seek refuge from. We are just displaced people. We don’t trust outsiders.”

“We want to help out.”

“We have heard that so many times. People have promised more teachers, supplies. That was 6 months ago.”

I was starting to understand Karli better. Before Erskine I was alone in a world that didn’t care about me. Erskine was the person who took me in and gave me food and shelter. He was the only person who seemed to care. So, I guess I could understand Karli a bit better.

“What’s your name, I can make a few calls.” Sam tried to fight.

“I know who you are, but I don’t trust you. I’m sorry.” The man picks up a child and walks off.

“Well that didn’t go to plan.” “No, but it gave us a better idea as to why Karli is doing what she’s doing. Her people are suffering because the government won’t meet their needs. Her cause is good, but the way she is going about it is wrong.”

“Then we need to find Donya and find Karli. The sooner we can get her to stop this the better off we’ll be.”

“The thing is Sam, I don’t think we’ll be able to. Her ideals, they are just too strong to stop. Not without going into war that is. Trust me. I know how this ends, and it ends in bloodshed, as much as I hate to admit it.”

Sam nods in agreement as we walk down to meet up with the other two. As we approach we notice Zemo talking to a group of kids. I notice the Turkish Delight laid out on a little stool. I notice a little girl walk up to him, and whisper in his ear.

“What is he doing?” Sam asked.

“I have no idea.” Bucky responded. 

“This is why I’m going to be a helicopter parent when we get home.” I add in, watching with a look of shock and horror on my face.

Zemo walks back over to us, and we all head back to his place. He was keeping us in the dark about something, and I did not like this one bit. Once back at the house, we settled in and started to question Zemo.

“That little girl, what did she tell you?” Sam questioned first.

“The funeral is this afternoon.”

“Where is it?” I asked, hoping he would tell us.

“That is classified.”

“Of course it is. No matter, wherever it is, I want to talk to Karli.”

“Absolutely not.” Bucky protested.

“I’m going with you Y/N.” Sam stated.

“Fine with me, but I feel like maybe talking to someone who knows exactly what she is going through may help her.”

“And you think you can stop her?” Zemo almost laughed.

“I’ve been in her shoes. I know what it’s like to feel all alone. To want the world to pay attention to the minority. I used to be her.”

“But you’re not.” Bucky added.

“Not anymore, but had Erskine not found me when he did, I could have ended up exactly like her.”

“I don’t think you’re going to convince her.” Zemo butted in.

“I don’t care, if I even make her question whether this is the right thing, then I’ve done something right.”

“You know the Dora will be here for you any minute, so keep talking.” Bucky threatened.

“What, so you can turn me over? I prefer to keep my leverage.” Zemo retorts.

Bucky stands up quickly, grabs the cup Zemo is holding, and throws it at the wall, “you wanna see what someone can do with leverage?”

“Bucky, calm down. It’s okay.” I say walking over to him.

“I’m going to make a call.” Sam said walking off.

I went and sat back down on the couch. I pulled Bucky over to sit next to me to get him to calm down so he didn't kill Zemo. I wanted to bring up the fact it was his idea to break Zemo out of prison. 

“Have you checked in on Jamie?” Bucky asked as I ran my fingers through his hair. 

“I haven't. I didn't want to, not with mister creeper around.”

Bucky chuckled some, "that's fair. I just worry about him without us around. D-does he have any powers or weird abilities?”

“He's started to develop some, but that all comes from my side. You'd be surprised how much he reminds me a lot of Steve, but he really is just like you. He has your charm and Steve's spirit. God, that boy is going to be a lady killer.” I giggle some. 

Bucky smiles at me, but it fades fast, "I hope nobody has teased him about who his dad is. I hope they don't ruin the picture you've painted of me in his mind.”

“I hope not either, but if that does happen, we'll handle it. Together, I fear nothing as long as we do it together, as a family.” I squeezed Bucky's hand tightly. He was part of my family now. He was the father of my child, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. 

Bucky squeezed my hand back, “as a family.” He smiled, and my heart skipped a beat when those words came out of his mouth. 

“Okay you two love birds, let's get going.” Sam said, interrupting our moment. 

Bucky and I stood up, and we walked out heading to the celebration of life for Donya Madani. Bucky took my hand, intertwining our fingers. The metal felt nice and cool against my hand, and I was relishing in the fact that he felt comfortable with me holding his metal hand. 

“Karli Morgenthau is too dangerous for you guys to be pulling this shit.” John Walker spoke as he and his sidekick walked towards us.

“Ah! How'd you find us now?” Bucky sounded annoyed and pissed. 

“Come on, man. You really think two Avengers can walk around Latvia without drawing attention?” Battlestar spoke up. 

“No more keeping us in the dark. You could start by telling us why you broke him out of prison.” Walker demanded. 

“He did that himself technically.” Bucky said, making me roll my eyes. 

“This better be an unbelievable explana…”

“Hey! Take it easy before it gets weird.” Sam said, breaking things up between Walker and Bucky. 

“I know where Karlie is.” Zemo announced. 

“Well, where?”

“All we know is that it's a memorial.’

“So we're going to intercept her there.” Sam stated trying to stop Walker from following us.

“That means civilians, high risk of casualties.” Battlestar stated. 

“Alright, good, we'll move in fast.” Walker ordered, moving around Sam.

“No. Sam and I are going to talk to her, civilly. I'm not sure if you know what that means, do you want me to give you the definition?”

“We want to talk to her alone.”

“Don't be smart with me bitch!”

“What did you call me!?” I went to charge him, but Bucky grabbed my arm to stop me. 

“I'm not losing her again!” Walker shouted. 

“Look, the person closest to her died, she's vulnerable. If there's any time to reason with her, it's now.”

“What? No, no! No, no, no, stop!” Walker tried to get us to stop walking. 

“I know you think you can't reason with people like her, Walker, but I used to be in her shoes. I know what it's like to feel like the world doesn't care about you. I was that girl almost 90 years ago. Abraham was my Donya, and I lost him. If anything, she needs someone who knows what it's like, not someone who got handed everything.” I attempted to walk around him, but he shoved me back. 

“I think we're way past reasoning with her, unless you forgot the fact that she blew up a building with people still in it.”

“You two walk in there cold, she could kill you.”

“If we go in hot, and the op goes wrong, more people could die." Sam tried to reason. 

“I believe that Sam and I can reason with her.” I tried to explain. 

“You're gonna let them do this?” Walker turned to Bucky. 

Bucky had a look of confidence and confusion. I know he hated the thought of me going in there, but he also knew I was right. He knew Sam and I both had a good chance of convincing her to stand down. 

“You're going to let your partners walk into a room with a super soldier alone?" Walker tried to contort his thoughts into not letting me walk in. 

I locked eyes with Bucky, begging him to not listen to Walker. That he wasn't the voice of reason, that I was. I begged him to trust me with this mission, that I could do this. I knew I could defend myself if it came to that, so could Sam. I could see the war going on in his head though, and I was almost convinced he was going to pull me out. 

“They've dealt with worse. And Sam isn't my partner.” Bucky responded, and I breathed a sigh of relief. 

“I used to counsel soldiers dealing with trauma, okay? This is right in my wheelhouse.” Sam tried to convince Walker more. 

“Yeah, I know. And I know those soldiers, which is why I believe this is a bad idea.”

“Wait, John. If they can talk her down it might be worth a try.”

Walker scoffs, “fine," he turns to Zemo, "we'll deal with you later.”

“I'm sure you all will come to an agreeable conclusion. My associate is just up ahead.” Zemo gestures to a little girl and we start walking again, “hello my friend,” he pulls some money out of his pocket, “this is for your family. Can you show us the way?”

The little girl nods and starts walking ahead. I looked to Bucky, reminding him this is why I haven't called to check up on Jamie with Zemo around. 

“What the hell?”

“For once I agree with you.” I mumble to myself, staying close to Bucky. 

The little girl leads us to what appears to be the back entrance to where this gathering is happening. She stops, opens the door and nods. She starts to walk in gesturing us to follow her.

“This is the place.” Zemo stated.

Sam and I get in front of the group, and go to follow the little girl. Walker grabs Zemo quickly, and I thought a fight was going to break out. Walker cuffs Zemo to a boiler looking thing, and pins him there.

“You two have 10 minutes, then we’re doing things my way.” Walker states.

Sam and I rush in to find time for us to talk to Karli before Walker can get to her. As we walk around, we notice the building we’re in is two levels. Sam and I watch Karli’s speech from the upper level. Hearing her talk about Donya reminded me a lot of how I would have talked about Dr. Erskine. The more she talked, the more I felt connected to her.

After everyone left, Sam and I decided to go down, and talk with her. I had a feeling this was gonna be both easy and challenging. I had faith that we were going to be able to talk her down. I was confident Sam felt the exact same way I did.

“I saw you two back there.” Karli spoke, her back turned to us.

“We came alone.” Sam spoke.

“We just want to talk, Karli.” I tried to speak as softly as I could to her, I didn’t want to scare her off, and blow our chance.

“We’re sorry for your loss.” Sam spoke genuinely.

“Don’t condescend to me, I’m not a child.”

“We’re not condescending. I know what it’s like to lose some, believe me.”

“No you don’t, not like this.”

“I do.” I spoke up.

Karli turned to me, then looked at Sam. I wanted her to know I had once come from where she is. I knew what it was like to be someone the government mistreated. I had to get those words out. Maybe then she would stop all this, and everything could go back to normal. No more people would get hurt.

“It doesn’t have to be a war, Karli.”

“They started a war as soon as they kicked us out of our homes and onto the streets. People all around the world need me. Millions of them.”

“We can’t speak for millions, but we understand you, Y/n especially. She came from the same situation you’re facing right now.” Sam mentioned. He had to say anything to gain her attention.

“I understand your frustration, and I understand your helplessness.” I interjected.

Karli stood there for a second before she finally spoke, “so you want me to stop because people are gettin’ hurt, right? But what if I’m making the world a better place?”

“It’s not a better place if you’re killing people, it’s just different.”

“I used to think that fighting back was the only thing, the only way you could get people to listen.”

“You both are either brilliant, or just hopelessly optimistic.” Karli smiles.

“Can’t we be a little bit of both?” Sam chuckled.

“No.”

“Y/n, she knows more about Super Soldiers than anyone on this planet. She was Erskine’s protégé back in the 1930s and 40s."

"It's true. Erskine was my Donya. He saved me from the streets of Germany. He gave me a home, clothes, and food. Everything I could have needed. When things got bad in Germany, he smuggled me away to America. He only wanted what was best for me. I fought back against those who killed him, but I also rebelled against the government back in Germany. Trust me, it got me nowhere fast. It changed nothing, loads of people still died, and I didn’t help.”

“This guy we know who knows a lot about Super Soldiers too, he says you’re a supremacist.”

“Me?” Karli asked as Sam went to sit next to her.

“Yeah.” Sam responded.

“That’s ridiculous. Everything I do is to end supremacy. These corporations and the beasts who run them, they’re the supremacists.”

“So, let us ask you, you have more serum right?” Sam asked, standing up.

“So?”

“Are you going to increase your army? You’re killin’ innocent people.”

“They’re not innocent. They’re roadblocks in my journey, and I’d kill them again if I had to.”

“Wow.” Sam and I were both shocked at what just came out of her mouth.

“No, no I didn’t mean it like that. You tricked me into sounding like…”

“Like what?”

“The people I’m fightin’ are trying to take your home, Sam. Why are you here instead of stopping them?”

“You know, my sister is waiting for that exact same answer.”

“We’re not your enemy, Karli. We agree with your fight.”

“We just can’t get with the way you’re fightin’ it.”

“And I’m sure she wouldn’t either.” I look at Donya, hoping Karli would agree.

Meanwhile:

“No, no, no, no. This is a bad idea.” Walker started speaking aggressively as he paced the small room.

“It hasn’t been 10 minutes, John. Just sit tight.” Bucky spoke up as he leaned against the door frame. He wanted to block the way to give Sam and Y/n time to talk to Karli, though Walker was convinced it was already taking too long.

“Don’t do that. Don’t patronize me.”

“They know what they’re doing, especially Y/n. She’s done this dance before. Give them the time.” Bucky kept trying to convince him.

Bucky couldn’t tell at what point he was convincing John, or still convincing himself. He trusted Y/n and Sam, he knew in his head they could do it. His heart was the one screaming at him to just let John go after them. All Bucky wanted was his girl safe, that’s it.

“I’m goin’ in.” Walker started walking quickly towards the doorway.

Bucky immediately stopped him. If anything, now he was going to risk their lives rather than save them. That was something Bucky couldn’t have. His girl was in there with someone who could easily kill them, and he didn’t want that.

“This is all really easy for you isn't it? All that serum runnin’ through your veins. Barnes, your partners need backup in there. You really want their blood on your hands?”

Bucky is lost for words. He was staring at John to intimidate him, but now, he was frozen in fear. John knew just what to say to get Bucky to do as he said. The last thing he wanted to do was be the reason for Y/n’s death. That was his biggest fear, to come home to their son without his mom.

“Karli Morgenthau, you’re under arrest.” Walker announced, walking in.

Karli looked between Sam and I. This son of a bitch just ruined any chance we had of getting her to back down. From the looks of it, Bucky didn’t put up a fight either.

“So this is what that was?”

“Karli wait…” I stepped closer to her, I needed her to see where this could end. Her fight was going to lead to devastation, and this asshole Walker just ruined everything.

“Tricking me till your backup arrived?” Karli backed away.

“We had enough time to talk.”

By now Bucky and Walker’s partner in crime had walked in. Bucky was trying to get to Walker, but his buddy wouldn’t let him get close. Karli started yelling, and John was trying to grab her. Chaos had broken out in just a few short seconds. It took all I had not to knock Walker on his ass right then and there.

Karli pushed John into a table before taking off. Bucky had shoved the sidekick back, and started going after her. I followed suit hoping I could touch Karli, just so she could feel that I was telling the truth. 

We were stopped by a whole group of her allies and fights started breaking out, but I continued to follow her. She was my target, my mission, and I couldn’t let her get away. I didn’t get far though when I met back up with Sam and Bucky.

“I lost her.” Bucky announced.

“I swear to god, next time I see Walker’s face, I’m gonna kill him! Why the hell did you let him get through!” I charged at Bucky.

“Y/n, wait a minute! We don’t know that Bucky let him through.” Sam tried to reason.

“Walker didn’t have a damn scratch on him. If Bucky fought back, he would have been on the ground in 2 seconds flat.”

Bucky stayed quiet because he knew I was right. I was so frustrated that we got so close, and now we are right back to where we started. I was so angry I punched one of the walls in the room we were in.

“Y/n, doll, calm down.”

“No! Because Walker got in, people are going to die. You could have prevented that if you just put up a fight.”

“Are you saying that blood is going to be on my hands?”

“Well you certainly aren’t helping your case here.”

“Y/n! Knock it off. I get you’re frustrated, but take a walk before you say something you can’t take back.” Sam yelled.

I knew he was right. I was about to tell Bucky that the blood of everyone who could die at Karli’s hands was going to be because of him. He already struggles enough with that. I stood there and took a deep breath in to calm myself as Bucky started talking.

“You wanna know what really happened back there? He used you against me. Saying if Karli turned on you, your blood would be on my hands. That would be something I couldn’t live with knowing.”

“Walker plays mind games huh? I’m really gonna kill him this time. So, I suggest you keep us as far apart as possible.”

We started to walk around to see if we could find Walker, when Bucky pulled me aside. I was shocked at how aggressively he grabbed me, but was even more shocked when a rough kiss was what I was met with rather than yelling. I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me. After a few seconds he pulled away.

“The last thing I want to do is lose you. I’m sorry I let John get past me like that, but…”

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not mad at you. I’m frustrated at the situation. Had John not got between Karli and I, I would have been able to show her I wasn’t lying. That Sam and I were really there to show her we agree with her ideals. That I once was just like her. That Erskine was my Donya.”

“I’m glad he rescued you. He brought you to me.”

I giggle, “don’t get sappy on me Buck. I could have easily ended up in a completely different scenario. I could have ended up as Schmidt’s protégé.”

“We would have never met then. I wouldn’t know where I would be without you.”

“Okay, come on lover boy. Let’s get back before Sam gets worried we ran out on him or something.”

We ran to catch up with Sam who had found a door leading to a staircase. We ran in, and saw Walker with a knocked out Zemo on the ground. Walker’s sidekick came running in a few seconds behind us. We looked at each other, then back to Walker. I felt Bucky grab my arm to let me know not to murder him here, no matter how badly I wanted to.

‘What did we miss?” Sam asked, hoping someone could explain the passed out Zemo.

No one said a word as Bucky walked down and picked Zemo up. We walked off back to his place leaving Walker behind. I was so glad Bucky and Sam were there to stop me because I really just wanted to knock Walker out. 

When we got into the house, Bucky laid Zemo on the couch. Then, Bucky grabbed my arm and dragged me to one of the bedrooms, slamming the door shut. I was shocked at his bold moves, but I knew we couldn’t do anything with these thin walls, and Sam sitting in the other room.

When Walker played mind games with him, it unlocked something in Bucky. A side I had not seen in a very long time, a side of him I hadn’t seen since the war. Bucky pulled me close after shrugging off his jacket, kissing me passionately, his hands trailing my body. He attempted to start to undress me before I pulled away slowly.

“Everything okay, doll?”

“Not here Bucky. Not when it’s so quiet.”

“You said when we got a vacation.”

“Not with Sam on the other side of the door. He’ll hear everything. I promise, I will find us some alone time, but not right now.”

“Okay,” Bucky grabbed his jacket, putting it back on, “I’m going out for a walk. I’ll be back.” He kissed me gently before walking out.

I sat in the room trying to gather my own thoughts as to what just happened. I started hearing talking from the living room. Zemo was awake now, and he was asking Sam about being offered the super soldier serum. He then asked Sam if he would ever take it. I started to think about Bucky, how he never got the choice. He was a lab rat for HYDRA, and didn’t get a say on the matter.

“Super Soldiers should be allowed to exist.” Zemo spoke.

“Isn’t that how gods talk? And if that’s how you feel, what about Bucky?”

“You know Zemo, Bucky didn’t get a choice,” I could feel the tears already coming, “and if that’s how you think, then Erskine should have been thrown in jail before he was able to give Steve the serum. Let HYDRA and the Nazis control the world.” I could feel my voice crack.

Right on queue Bucky walked through the doors, “something’s not right about Walker.” He announced.

“You don’t say.”

“Well, I know crazy when I see one because I am crazy.”

“Can’t argue with that.”

“Sam!” I glare at him, and he puts his hands up in defense.

“You shouldn’t have given him the shield.” Bucky stated, pouring himself a drink.

“I didn’t give him the shield.” Sam protested.

“Here we go again.” I roll my eyes.

“Well Steve definitely didn’t.” Bucky looks at Sam as he takes a drink.

Suddenly the doors burst open, “All right that’s it let’s go. I’m ordering you to turn him over.”

“Oh Walker, I've been waiting for you to walk through those doors.” I walk over to him ready to fight.

“I’m flattered, sweetheart, but Lemar is the one interested in you.”

“Hey, just slow your roll,” Sam said, getting between Walker, and me and Zemo, “let’s be clear, shield or no shield, the only thing you’re runnin’ in here is your mouth. Now, we had Karli there, and you overstepped. He’s actually proven himself useful today. We’re gonna need all hands on deck for whatever’s comin’ next.”

“How do you want the rest of this conversation to go, huh?”

“I know how I want it to go.” I raise my hand. Sam glares at me and I put it down.

“Should I put down the shield? Make it fair?”

“Oh yeah, bring it Walker.” I say gathering all my strength to knock him out in one shot.

Walker puts the shield up against one of the columns, but as he goes to stand up, a spear aims right for his head. Too bad he moved out of the way quickly. Then the other two walked in and started speaking Wakandan to Bucky and I.

“Even if he is a means to your end. Time’s up,” Ayo starts speaking English, “release him to us now.”

“More than happy to Ayo. Was willing to when we met up the first time.”

“Hi, John Walker, Captain America.” John reached his hand out to shake Ayo’s, and all I could do was laugh. “Well, let’s, uh, put down the pointy sticks and we can talk this through, huh?”

“Hey John, take it easy,” Sam smiled to himself, “you might want to fight Bucky before you tangle with the Dora Milaje.”

“Hear how he said Bucky, and not me. I’m just as tough to fight as the Dora. They may be a little harder than me, by a little.” I said, kind of bragging.

“The Dora Milaje don’t have jurisdiction here…”

“The Dora Milaje have jurisdiction wherever the Dora Milaje find themselves to be.” Ayo spoke, sounding very annoyed, and very angry.

“Okay, look I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot…” Walker put his hand on Ayo’s shoulder, and the fight broke out.

I couldn’t help, but sit on the counter to watch. This was better than I thought. Walker kept trying to fight back, but they kept putting him on his ass.

“We should do something.” Sam tried to reason with Bucky.

Bucky crossed his arms, “looking strong John.”

“Bucky…” Sam warned.

He rolled his eyes, and stopped Ayo from stabbing Walker, “Ayo, let’s talk about this.”

I happened to look over my shoulder as Zemo slipped into the bathroom. I shot up from my spot, and ran to the door, “don’t you dare, Zemo!” I banged on the door. I tried to open it, but he had locked it. I used the force of the wind to knock it open, but he had already slipped into the sewer system.

I turn around as I hear the action from behind me stop, “I’m sorry Ayo. I tried to stop him as soon as I saw what he was doing.” She placed a hand on my shoulder before standing back up. I turned around to see Bucky’s arm on the floor as the Dora headed out.

“Did you know they could do that?” Sam asked as Bucky went to pick up his arm to put it back on.

“No.” Bucky swung his arm around once it was back in place.

Bucky and Sam walked over to the opened sewer drain, “I can’t believe he pulled an El Chapo.” Sam gazed down.

“I can.” Bucky said, annoyed, “come on.” Bucky started to walk out.

We wander the streets for a bit. Sam’s phone starts going off, and he picks it up quickly. Whoever is on the other end sounds panicked. By how quickly Sam is answering them, it’s pretty concerning to Bucky and I.

“”Pack an overnight bag, take the boys somewhere.”

“What’s going on?” Bucky asked, concerned.

Sam pulls the phone from his ear for a second, “Karli called my sister. She threatened my nephews,” he goes back to talking to Sarah, “wherever you go only pay cash. Let me know when you get there. I love you. You know I would never let anything happen to you or the boys. I’ll talk to you soon.”

I begin to panic about Jamie, and I can tell the same fear has rushed over Bucky. “I’ll call Miranda once we meet with Karli.”

“Maybe you should check on him now.” Bucky sounded worried, and I nodded.

Just as I went to call Miranda I got a text from her, “she just texted me saying that she is taking Jamie somewhere. She got a call, probably similar to Sarah.”

“Tell her to contact Sarah and meet up. That way they’re together, and safe.” Sam suggested.

“I agree.” I sent the sitter a text with Sarah’s contact information, and told her to stay with them till we get state side.

At that point Sam got a message with the coordinates we were to meet Karli, “she said come alone.”

“I’m going with you.” Bucky stated, rubbing my back to soothe me.

I nodded in agreement as we headed to suit up. We then headed to where Karli asked us to meet. It was in the same area where the gathering for Madani was, which made it easy for us I guess. We knew if she took off though, we wouldn’t be able to find her again.

“Karli!” Sam yelled, announcing our presence. She then peeked her head out, and we ascended the stairs nearby.

“You called my sister, and her babysitter. Is that how we’re going to play this?” Sam asked, angry as hell.

“I would never hurt them. I just wanted to understand the two of you better,” she looks over, seeing Bucky, “I see you, um, didn’t come alone.”

“You have to end this now.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, either of you. You both are tools in the regimes I want to destroy. You’re not hiding behind a shield.” Karli started.

“Yeah Walker doesn’t exactly know how to properly fight it seems.” I chuckled, earring me a glare from Sam.

“If I were to kill you, it’d be meaningless. I was going to ask you to join me. Or do the world a favor and let me go.” Karli continued, practically begging.

Sam then looked down at his arm piece. He seemed to zoom in as panic sunk in his face. He then looked up and over to Bucky, “it’s Walker.”

Bucky jumped down, but Karli followed, and knocked him into a column. Sam and I jumped down after, so Karli didn’t hurt him. I ran over to help Bucky up as Sam and Karli fought. Once Bucky was on his feet, I helped Sam out by knocking her into one of the columns behind her.

“I’ll send you the two of you the coordinates, go.” Sam ordered before taking off.

Bucky and I took off after Karli. We chased her through the streets before she dipped back into the building. We went to head up the stairs, but Bucky was knocked down by one of the Flagsmashers. Bucky shoved them down the stairs, but they got right back up. He then kicked them into a wall, and they fell through.

We went back to chasing up the stairs after her. At the top of the stairs there was a doorway that led to a huge room. Sam and Walker were fighting off Flagsmashers left and right. I groaned knowing we had to help Walker. Bucky ran up and punched one in the face that was about to take Sam out from behind.

“You’re welcome.” Bucky said, going back to fighting.

I kept shoving them into each other, then pushing them towards Bucky or Sam to take care of. It was working well to start, then things went south when Lemar was kicked into column at full speed by Karli. He was dead on impact, though Walker begged for him not to be.

Sam, Bucky, and I took off after Karli. The chase led to the streets, and we were met with a horrible, gruesome scene. I tried to scream, but nothing came out. Steve’s shield was used as a weapon for the first time. I was disgusted, angry, and numb all at once. All I could do was cling to Bucky to keep me standing straight.

“What has he done?”

TAGLIST (OPEN):

@ginger-swag-rapunzel​ @soccer1000​

#bucky x reader #sam wilson x platonic!reader #Bucky Barnes #sam wilson #john walker #baron zemo #waiting for forever

[yangholic]

Peephole | Six

word count: 1,728 warnings: graphic description of a panic attack, swearing

a/n: I know it’s been almost 3 months since I’ve updated, but I’m finally in a better headspace now.I’m hoping to be able to update at least once more before my graduation in May, and then I’ll have way more free time over the summer (until grad school starts ;n;) Also, I wrote and edited this chapter while listening to Tame Impala’s song “Love/Paranoia” on repeat. I highly recommend. 

•·················•·················•

“Good morning, Miss Y/N. My name

 is ̷̢̞͙̝͉̭̩͈̲͓͈̘̬̤̗̃̓D̸̩̒͛etective Kim Namjoon, 

from the Š̴̈́̋eoul metropolitan p̷͂̈́͘o̴͑lį̴̩̭͚̫͙̤͖̹́̄ͅc̷e department.

May I ask you a few questions 

concerning your next-door 

neighbor

Le̸͇͎͖̥̮̻̯̰̤̰̟̜̊͒́̑͑̒̈́̈́͊̄͠͝͝e Jiḿ̵̛̜̮͙͙̩̖̊͒̓̀̒̍͠i̴̢̪̖̼̗͇͚̼̖̺͎̬̫̝͛́͛̀́̆̋͜͝ņ̸̋̇͌̾́?”

An unsettling chill crawled down your spine, causing your body to shudder involuntarily.

The police.

Suddenly, you felt like you could no longer breathe. The walls around you began to concave, squeezing all the air out of your lungs. Your surroundings seemed to be growing larger, wider, more menacing— making you feel small, lost, scared. Your hands balled into fists, the muscles clenched so tightly that your joints felt stiff. The surge of adrenaline didn’t help your fight-or-flight responses. You only felt like throwing up.  

The police.

Jimin.

“Miss, are you okay?” The officer evidently seemed to detect your panic attack, his expression showing concern. You swallowed the bile that crept up your throat and grimaced at it’s pungent, acidic taste. The physical discomfort you were suffering was the least of your concerns— in fact, Jimin was at the forefront of your mind. Although you had a fundamental disagreement with his lifestyle, there was no denying that Jimin was the only person who gave you any sort of attention. You loved him, perhaps not all of him, yet, but your feelings were so profound that you would do almost anything and everything for him. You would even go so far as to mislead the authorities if it meant keeping him safe.

You removed the privacy chain from its lock but kept the door slightly ajar, with only enough space for you to have a conversation from the doorway. “Sorry I’m an, um, agoraphobic,” you lied easily. “I don’t really get visitors, and when I do, I uh… Get kind of nervous.” Namjoon’s face softened as he gave you a sympathetic smile, assuring he wouldn’t take up too much of your time. “You had me worried there for a second! I promise I won’t take up too much of your time.”

“Thank you, officer,” you replied bashfully, avoiding eye-contact with the dimpled man. Namjoon leafed through the small booklet, clearing his throat only when he reached a fresh page. “First off, I would like to know how long you’ve lived in this unit.”

“Oh, um… I think around 6 months or so.” The detective nodded as he jotted down your answer before posing another question, “Have you ever noticed any suspicious activity from the Lee residence? Please don’t feel like you need to withhold any information, even if it’s as minor as a noise complaint. Every little bit counts.” Running a hand through your hair, you formulated a response that excluded any explicit mention of Jimin, but still upheld his innocence. “Well, he’s a pretty good neighbor for the most part. I’ve never had any issues with him because I usually keep to myself, you know?” Namjoon quirked an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. “So you’ve never actually seen Mr. Lee? Or know a rough estimate of his daily schedule?” You swallowed, thick saliva balling in your throat. A response, and a poor one at that, was poised on the end of your tongue when a familiar platinum tuft of hair came around the corner of the hallway.

The devil himself: Jimin.

Oh, shit.

In his hands were two canvas bags full of groceries, and his body gave off a nice pearly sheen. He had probably stopped by the market after a workout— or perhaps something more nefarious— and picked up groceries on the way home. The domesticity of his gesture would have melted you into a puddle, if it were not for the fact you were being interrogated by the police. Jimin chuckled, breaking the heavy silence. “What’s this about me? I don’t like gossip, you know.”

The detective refocused his attention on his suspect, who was now sporting blonde hair, much unlike the outdated graduation photo he was given by his superior. Namjoon cleared his throat, reaching his hand out in a friendly gesture. “Kim Namjoon, lead investigative detective with the Seoul PD.” Jimin dropped the bags and accepted the outstretched hand without an ounce of worry or precaution, Namjoon noting how tight the young man’s grip really was. How looks could be deceiving.

Continuing, the officer explained the situation at hand. “Anyway, I was asking your neighbor here,” he gestured towards you with a flourish of his penned hand, “If she knew your schedule by any chance, so you and I could get a chance to talk. You happened to pop in at just the right time, Mr. Lee. Mind if we have a chat?” For the first time since his arrival, Jimin looked at you, and his eyes pierced right through your soul. It was a silent threat, a warning, making you cower. Ever perceptive as always, Namjoon noticed the exchange between the two of you and surmised that there was a secret connection between you and Lee Jimin that you had not disclosed, and he sought to instigate in hopes of gaining more information. Before he could query you some more, you began slipping behind your door, “Well, if that’s all you needed me for, officer, I’ll be going.”

Just then, a devious idea came to Jimin’s mind, and he decided to play his role well. “Get some rest jagiya, I know you must be tired after last night.” The dancer winked lasciviously, insinuating a sexual innuendo that had never happened. Namjoon took the bait, feigning confusion at this divulsion of information. “Do you two… know each other? Miss L/N informed me you had no relationship except for sharing an adjoining wall.” With eyes still glued to you, Jimin’s lips stretched into a conniving smile, although it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Wait, did Y/N not tell you? We’re actually dating!”

Namjoon had gathered just as much— there was definitely either a romantic or, at the very least, an unrequited relationship between you and his suspect. He could tell by the nonverbal manner in which the two of you interacted. But what puzzled him was the fact that you seemed absolutely terrified of Jimin. Your body language made that obvious enough: avoidance of eye contact, nervousness, escapism. Nevertheless, detective Kim Namjoon played the fool. “Oh? Really now?” He peeked at you from the corner of his hooded eyes, “Miss, you made it seem like Mr. Lee was just your neighbor.”

“Ah, well, I,” you began, stuttering under the intense amount of pressure. Jimin stepped in, his right hand snaking through your hair. “Yeah, my baby has really bad anxiety, you know? She was probably too shy to say anything, right?” At his insistence, Jimin lightly dug his nails into your scalp in another attempt to sway your response, prompting you to squeeze your eyes shut in submission. A sad smile— one of defeat— spread across your lips as you leaned into your boyfriend’s touch.

“Yeah, we’re...together.”

You truly were weak for Lee Jimin. How was it so easy to love someone who was not capable of normal, human emotions? If he was all kinds of fucked up, then so were you.

Detective Kim corrected some of his notes before fishing in his jacket pocket for a business card. “I see there must have been some sort of miscommunication. How about I stop by again tomorrow?” He hummed contemplatively, and scrawled a time on the eggshell white cardstock, “Same time as today if that’s okay?” Namjoon handed the card to you, holding on to the end for a bit too long as he said his goodbyes. “Please call if you need anything.” It was as if those words were directed specifically at you— as if he knew you were involuntarily tethered to Jimin.

Namjoon retreated down the hallway, an intense feeling of foreboding creeping up his spine. In his four years of service as an officer, and three as a detective, he had never felt this amount of fear on the job. This Jimin character was not who he appeared to be, and Namjoon would lay it all on the line to see him stopped. Rounding the corner, he caught sight of the nondescript, government-issued black Hyundai. Looking both ways before crossing the street, Namjoon strutted over towards the passenger door and slid into the leather seat. His partner, a spry, fresh-faced rookie was fiddling around on his cellphone, paying little attention to the detective.

“How’d it go, Namjoon?”

“Hyung,” Namjoon corrected, “And it was alright, didn’t get much out of the neighbors. Met the perp, though. This guy gives me a bad feeling,” the dark-haired man sighed. “He’s creepy as hell.” The young man in the driver's seat shot up, his eyes sparkling at the information. “You met the perp!?” Namjoon chuckled at his partner’s naiveté, “You know this job isn’t like cop movies, right, Jeongguk?”

Jeongguk’s tongue poked through his cheek in annoyance, clearly unamused at Namjoon’s sarcasm. “I know that, hyung. But I didn’t think I saw him walk by, I was just surprised.” The older man jostled his partner’s shoulder, “That’s because you were playing games on your phone, kid.” That elicited a pout from Jeongguk, who timidly slid his phone back into his vest pocket. Namjoon continued, “Also, Jimin dyed his hair. He’s blonde now. Couldn’t get a picture, but I’m sure Bang-sunbaenim will want us to do some surveillance so we can update the file.”

Namjoon retrieved a pair of reading glasses from the glove compartment and slid them onto the bridge of his nose. “I can’t put my finger on it, but everything about him is just too perfect. It may just be a hunch, but he’s definitely our guy— The Archangel.” Jeongguk inserted the keys in the ignition and started the car, a dull hum filling the cabin space. “You know, hyung, cases like this don’t get solved because people have ‘hunches’. They get solved becas—” Namjoon interrupted his subordinate, eyebrows furrowed in frustration at the indecipherable mess he had messily scrawled in his notepad. “Yeah, yeah, they’re solved because of the hard work of the police department.”

“Good, I was under the impression you might’ve thought this job was like a cop movie or something,” Jeongguk quipped with a toothy grin. Namjoon playfully ruffled his partner’s mousy hair, “Smartass.”

•·················•·················•

SUSPECT:

Park Jimin- Under the alias “Lee Jimin”, manipulative, cunning, unfiltered, secretive, romantically involved with alibi (untrustworthy defense)

PERSON OF INTEREST:

L/N Y/N- alibi, showed signs of mental and emotional abuse, possible stockholm syndrome (?)

•·················•·················•

As Jeongguk peeled out of the parking spot, Namjoon glanced back up at the apartment building, trying to gather his thoughts. What exactly was your relationship with Jimin? And just how much did you know?

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#bts fanfiction #bts yandere #yandere park jimin #park jimin serial killer au #jimin x reader #jimin yandere #bts yandere fanfiction

[alexsmitposts]

Britain and its Hidden War on its Minors Whenever the name Great Britain is brought up, we start thinking about gloomy skies, Victorian Gothic mansions, perfectly dressed gentlemen and ladies, massive fleets and Shakespearean tragedy. But what do we really know about the UK and the way it treats the most valuable thing any society has – its minors. If we are to take a look at the recent revelation made by the Independent, one in five British children living in homes that are severely food insecure according to a report drafted by the Environmental Audit Committee is a select committee of the House of Commons in the Parliament of the United Kingdom. It would add that the government has been accused of presiding over “significant and growing” hunger as a report warns that one in five children in the UK live in homes that are severely food insecure – making it the worst for child hunger in Europe. A combination of high living costs, stagnating wages and the rollout of universal credit has led to a steady rise in food insecurity – yet ministers have allowed the issue to “fall between the cracks.” The report cites figures showing that 2.2 million people in Britain are severely food insecure – the highest reported level in Europe. This indicates that the UK is responsible for one in five of all severely food insecure people on the continent. Further more, a recent study of food poverty in the UK found that the families of nearly 4 million children would struggle to afford enough fruit, vegetables and other healthy foods to meet the government’s nutritional guidelines. According to the chief executive of the Child Poverty Action Group, said: “That we should need reminding of the UN’s sustainable development goals in such a rich country is a scandalous development.” Yet another survey commissioned by the National Health Service found that one in eight children in England between the ages of 5 and 19 suffered from at least one mental disorder by the time the assessment was made back in 2017. The survey, which was published in November, also indicated a slight increase in mental disorders in 5 to 15-year-olds, which rose to 11.2% from 9.7% in 1999. Disorders like anxiety and depression were the most common, affecting one in twelve children and early adolescents, and appeared more often in girls. In the opinion of Imran Hussain, the director of policy and campaigns for Action for Children described this whole situation as a major mental health crisis among minors. However, instead of solving the most pressing social problems that British society is facing today, the sitting ruling elite of the kingdom would rather prefer to conduct psychological experiments on the British minors, even though there’s been a abundance of those already. Thus, hundreds of schools across the UK are now preparing to expand the traditional curriculum with a new subject: mindfulness. students will start to practice mindfulness as part of a study to improve their mental health. It’s said that British children will be bound to work with mental health experts to learn relaxation techniques, breathing exercises and other methods to “help them regulate their emotions.” Yet another problem of the British society is the aggressive transgender propaganda that floods the local media, in spite of the fact that one’s exploration of his or her sexuality is an extremely sensitive issue for any individual at the age when the minor is the most susceptible to outside interference. However, local journalists are determined to force the issue all the same. Yet, when anyone decides to raise this issue he would most certainly be silenced or ridiculed. It has come to the point when social services threaten to take boy into care after his parents refuse to let doctors give him powerful sex-change drugs. According to Mail Online, a total of 17 pupils at a single British school is in the process of changing gender. Most of the youngsters undergoing the transformation are autistic, according to a teacher at the institution, who said vulnerable children with mental health problems were being ‘tricked’ into believing they are the wrong sex. Moreover, it’s been revealed that a locla whistleblower reported that few of the transgender children are suffering from gender dysphoria – the medical term for someone who feels they were born in the wrong body – but are just easily influenced, latching on to the mistaken belief they are the wrong sex as a way of coping with the problems caused by autism. Of course, the American Thinker would reveal to us that a lot of physicians have warned the world against this mania, by pointing out that a great many persons who have gone through the change have experienced “transgender regret” and even committed suicide. Yet, the media remains silent on this issue. However, there’s no arguing that by far the most disturbing aspect of this frenzy is the intimidation, the insistence that everyone is bound adhere to the delusional neo-liberal fantasies. However, it’s clear that parents are getting increasingly more concerned that the only NHS gender clinic for children is risking a “live experiment” by sending hundreds for life-changing medical intervention without sufficient evidence of its long-term effects. Is it of any wonder then that those employed by the National Health Service are quiting their jobs en masse out of fears for their personal safety and the deep moral dilemma they were forced to face. The above mentioned facts, of course, do not represent the entire picture to London’s most recent approach to raising children. However, they may be described as representative enough to provide us with the concept of how instead of addressing the most pressing issues at hand, local authorities are deliberately making the situation worse. list of problems that British society faces today in their approach to children’s policies. But even this information is enough to show that the current political establishment, not only following the example of an ostrich, is hiding from their solution, but is also openly trying to aggravate the situation. So what future does this establishment impose on everyone, and will British children have it? Or, nevertheless, to solve these and other problems accumulated in Britain in recent years, a change in the current political elite is necessary? Is there any future at all for the local children when they are forced to deal with challenges that most adults find hard to approach?

[buzzworddotie]

The 8th Amendment Referendum in Ireland

And how history is being rewritten one step at a time

It's been a long time coming but on May 25th 2018 the people of Ireland were asked if they would like to amend the Constitution to decriminalise abortion in Ireland.

What's it all about?

Up until now, an Irish women who seeked out an abortion for personal reasons or medical ones was a criminal under Irish law. A woman would have to either travel to the UK or attempt to dangerously take abortion pills acquired illegally at home under zero medical supervision.

Or the alternative, for years, decades, Ireland and the stronghold held over her by the Catholic Church, would force girls and women into homes to have the baby. Often these babies wound up dead, buried away, hidden. Bones have been found in septic tanks.

Girls and women were treated brutally.

Secret pregnancies were also a thing, who knows how many women and girls suffered in silence?

Right up until May 25th 2018.

That's when we finally got to be heard.

Enough is Enough

I can't take a single piece of credit for getting this vote to happen but there are countless women who can. Women who have been banging on doors, demanding bodily autonomy, demanding rights, demanding choice. Finally the demand was heard, finally the government agreed to allow the people to make a decision.

The Campaigns

As soon as the vote was announced, I knew this was not going to be a particularly nice campaign. That's putting it lightly. In 2015 Ireland held the Marriage Referendum. An opportunity to change the Constitution to recognise and allow same sex marriage in Ireland. It passed, of course, but the campaign was filled with some uneducated, hateful rhetoric fuelled by the Catholic Church. Regardless of how much they wanted to deny it, hardcore religious groups and their followers were against that law with vigor and venom.

And I knew that hate would amplify for this one. I already knew what way I wanted to vote, I didn't need anyone to convince me either way, much like the Marriage Ref. But unlike then when I did tune into radio debates and absorbed the arguments, this time I made the conscious decision to avoid it as much as possible.

Marketing

Despite that it was tough to avoid, every pole, every surface available was covered with Yes and No posters. The Yes posters usually said something like "Yes for choice" "Together for Yes" or a simple "Repeal"...

Murals went up by artists like Maser, badges were made, Repeal jumpers and through the help of crowd sourcing the Yes campaign managed to gain more support for their message.

Our message.

On the No side there were an abundance of posters, I have seen images of feotus in the womb telling me babies will be murdered. Billboards across towns, rural and otherwise.

The whole thing turned into a massive marketing campaign. To a degree, on both sides. Paid ads on social media, Google and streaming services, posters... So... Many... Posters.

Social media attacks, hashags... I just didn't want to hear it. I know burying your head in the sand isn't a solution but I personally don't believe that an issue as important as this should boil down to who has the most money to promote a post or buy a billboard.

One thing I will say is that, at least where I have travelled, there was far more "No" campaign imagery than "Yes". Those were the ones with the billboards, the video ads that interrupted my viewing and I had to wonder, where was all this money coming from?

In the end Google and Facebook to the best of my knowledge pulled paid advertising on their platforms but there were other means.

Attacks on People, places and things

Another side of the campaign was the inevitable attacks. Digital rows blazed up as the concept of reasoned debate flew out the window. Some of the words I have witnessed being used against women on social media were beyond appalling, disgusting, shameful.

Were there bot accounts? Yes, there were. It doesn't take too much probing to see that and that minor exercise in investigation proved that really the "No" side was in the minority. It was clear but you could never be certain.

And by no means would I ever suggest the "Yes" side were entirely innocent, I just didn't catch the trolling by them.

"No" campaigners also attacked places, apparently in one constituency very graphic posters were hung very close to a school, causing uproar.

They also stood outside maternity hospitals.

Let me reiterate that, MATERNITY HOSPITALS.

They stood outside them holding graphic posters, other establishments too, but that one made me sick to my stomach.

Then on the stunning Benbulben, in my home county, a place I adore, they stuck a massive "NO" sign. For some reason this triggered me. Using the landscape of this country, which throughout history has been defined with feminine pronouns, to announce that women's rights were not of value was disgusting.

Photo: https://garethwray.com/product/classiebawn-benbulben-sligos-iconic-duo/

Not more disgusting than standing outside a hospital or plastering graphic and insensitive imagery around a school but a different kind of insult. As if they were claiming this land shared their voice.

What was even weirder was the fact the people who did it were practically a parody of themselves, announcing on radio that the men had put up the sign as the women made them tea and sanwiches.

This had to be a joke, right?

It's not funny

Truthfully though, this issue wasn't a joke, not to me or to anyone involved. This vote could actually be the difference between life and death for so many women.

By night, reports were coming out saying that the turnout to vote had been exceptional, people had been travelling back home from all around the country to take part.

Many popular Irish female voices had been so loud in their messages to push this cause, many Irish men got involved too stressing the importance of men getting behind women, taking a stand with them, recognising this is their issue too. Women should not be alone in this.

Soon we began to hear the results from the Exit Polls. First the Irish Times showing a landslide in favour of Repealing. It was something like 68% in favour, an insane number.

RTE Uses Us

The "main" Irish broadcaster, the state owned one, decided to announce their Exit Polls on what I think is supposed to be a late night chat show, The Late Late Show.

I found this disgusting and I didn't watch, because I never watch, because it's utter fucking drivel. But what RTE did was decide to use this campaign for their own ratings gain. They knew people would tune in and so they decided to, as far as I know, discuss how "Toxic Masculinity is a Myth", very fucking timely decision lads. As well as this they had some gobshite on NATIONAL TV talking about how she speaks to fairies.

Because heaven forbid we take a step forward as a nation.

Now, I don't know at what stage they announced the results but I do know that it wasn't before any of that other shite. Again, that was a calculated move and they will point to those viewing figures to justify the ridiculous wages that we fund for that show and it's (wooden) presenter. I'll pause that one right there.

History is Rewritten

In a move that has the potential to shock anyone not clued into who most modern Irish people actually are, the "Yes" side achieved a mammoth victory with over 1.4 million people deciding to Vote Yes, over 66% of voters.

And the 8th Amendment has been Repealed. I am so proud of all of us.

Photo: Maser, https://deandublin.ie/events/maser-exhibition/

What Now?

So where do we go from here?

I can never shake a Bell X1 lyric from my head in times like this. Fitting, given they are an Irish band:

"...History is written by the winners. And I want my say."

If we want to continue to create an Ireland that is just, inclusive, fair and reasonable we have to keep banding together and becoming the winners. The people on the reasoned side do not always need to feel like they are being walked all over.

That's how things have felt for so long, I won't even say in the past because it is still happening. This moment was monumental and something that, just like the Marriage Referendum, should be really allowed to sink into the minds of every single person who voted, the real power of what was achieved this day is epic.

We didn't just pop an X next to a box. We have literally changed the Constitution of this nation twice. We have asked to please get a chance to update this nation to reflect who we are and not to be bound to the decisions of the past, which maybe were the right decisions back then or maybe the alternative was too alternative. We had to crawl for a while, but we started to walk and now we have the chance to run.

I don't want our interest in matters like this to start and stop with things that are so clearly emotive. There is so much more to do to keep pushing forward.

And the further we move ahead the more resistance will be out against us but we can't turn a blind eye.

OK the 8th is Repealed, what can we put in place now to ensure any womelan who require ls a clinic is not harassed with hate on entry and exit as is the case in other countries?

And there are more issues outside of this.

We need to really strive to separate Church from state, the stranglehold the Church has over schools is poisonous. There are laws that exist that people are not even aware of, did you know that if you work as a teacher in one of the many, many Church affiliated schools and you do something outside of the Catholic ethos like sleep with someone outside of marraige, they can fire you?! Can you believe this shit!?

Then there are the other social issues including housing, homelessness, classism which are still very active and we need to fight back against those structures too.

We have to keep saying when enough is enough.

We have to keep looking out for each other, from all walks of life.

Sure, An Taoisach gave some really character defining moments during this debate but he and his party need to be just as active in helping people out elsewhere. Maybe it won't get them as much PR but it should and if they make the best decisions it will.

Simon Harris has been charming people during these debates. Is that enough? Is that all it takes? He is Minister for Health of a system that is simply disasterous. A system where hospitals are under funded, where women are being improperly diagnosed with ceverical cancer, where patients are left on trolleys, where I don't know if my own father is getting the best treatment he can be getting right now because I simply do not trust the HSE.

The rich are getting richer, you can barely afford a basic, single bedroom roof over your head. People, families are homeless. Maybe the few are doing well but I'd argue the majority are struggling still.

Prospects are few and far between.

Really heinous crimes have been committed, some very recently, against women and girls. A lot of them. These are issues too that need to be examined, there is an underlying problem to this that needs to be addressed.

Mental Health needs to be treated as a real issue with real, available and affordable treatment. People should be able to get counselling or therapy as easily as they can get the flu shot.

That barely scratches the surface.

Yes, we achieved something outstanding and worth celebrating but this should be the fire in our belly to ignite us to realise we can do so much more.

We don't have to sit back and take our lot. We need to keep demanding better from our leaders and our services from the extreme examples to the basics of decent roads, schools and water.

The water in my own home been undrinkable for nearly 6 months that we are aware of. And it could have been longer.

Honestly the Irish rail service Iarnrod Eireann's slogan sums us up perfectly, "We're not there yet. But we're getting there."

This country is moving forward but we can't stop demanding true equality, for everyone.

A chairde, comhghairdeas, rinneamar stair le chéile. Ligeann an treocht seo a choinneáil.

Is féidir linn é a dhéanamh.

#repealthe8th #repeal the eighth #repeal #ireland #eight #8thammendment #irish #vote #history #constitution #yes #politics #voting #church #simon harris #leo varadkar #may #change #marraige equality

[extinctwen]

real reason about why wenheqian be discriminated,expose truth sex psychology of majority people,wenheqian seek help letter before dead

minority person wenheqian seek help and admit defeat and implore 1,The theoretical foundation of this letter, Axiom1, speech can describe false facts, called lies, and the speech of violent winner represent correct. Axiom2,majority people are hypocritical gays and lesbians,their sexdesire both equivalent to use the kindness of same sex to maltreatment kill the same sex,and ignore consequences, their speech is ask for kindness from same sex. gay men sympathize and enshield each other, lesbians cooperate with gay to reproduce,so lesbian also shield gay men. Axiom3, gay men try to use lies cover up their sexdesire which is intentionally hurt others. My sexual psychology can expose the true thinkings of gay men, so I will be slaughtered and extinct. Axiom4,a person who intentionally hurt others can expand the proportion of his gene, they can unite to resist the revenge,this is evolutionary advantage,call Destructive Solidarity. in the history,hypocritical lesbians and gays unite to slaughter and depopulate my kind man. 2,warlord parliamentary republic system,Anyone is allowed to form an army freely. Each army sends delegate to form parliament to make decisions. The weak obey the strong. 3,Morita therapy can alleviate brain injury, it is not to get rid of mental illness, try to live a normal life with mental desease. Axiom, brain injury and schizophrenia are equivalent. Theorem, trying to get rid of an inextricable mental illness can fall into an endless logical cycle,more bad. 4,medical knowledge, medicine for the treatment of human demodex, external use is sodium dodecylbenzene sulfonate, o-phenyldimethyldibutyl ester, internal use is metronidazole, ivermectin.Mad cow disease is protein virus causes brain damage, spread by food, easy to produce this disease beef.I rely on indomitable survive willing and Morita therapy to fight mad cow disease and try restore normal thinking,is effective,Psychotic drugs chlorpromazine also effect. 5,We can survive by imitating the sexdesire and intelligence of majority human,I want to help my kind,contact QQ 3043605422. 6,The dilemma of reality, my name is heqian,surname is wen, majority people and the current government can decide my life and death,my sexual psychology leads them want to kill me, I try to be tolerant by the majority people,and keep peace with them,but they disagree.1, Because I made mistakes in my speech, majority people said I was schizophrenic wanted to kill people.Then they discriminate and kill me by intentionally hurt. They intentionally knock hurt my head to prove I was schizophrenic.They maliciously killed me but say protect themselves. I don't want to kill them, but I can't protect myself. 2,Gay control government,I was secretly plot by gay man governor spy,Because I exposed my sexual psychology before a gay spy surnamed Ye.so,I eat food contained mad cow disease beef. I was intentionally knocked injured on head by stranger man.I was maliciously infected skin parasite human demodex. 7,The key reason why there is no solution, 1.hypocritical gay men and lesbian pretend to understanding defective or real defect.They please majority intentionally hurt minority, but still believe each other is kindness, so no reason can talk with them. They say can't understand what I say, but they can attack me by plan beforehand,hard to defend. 2.Gay men who want to intentionally hurt me are protected by majority people. If I kill the enemy ahead,I will be treated as terrorists. This is a torture to me. Most people don't want to understand this kind of torture. 3. I can make good my failing in speech, but no chance. 8,only my sex psychology willing to have understand ability,but my y chromosome is going extinct, I want to write out my sexual psychology before I die, see in next article.I am a heterosexual man with female sexual behavior,My wisdom is to surmise other people's thinking and find my kind, then unite my kind fight against gay by force. My ancestor Wenqiao, a famous general of the EasternJin Dynasty, Wenhui, a meritorious official of king Caocao, Wenjie, a meritorious official of king LiuBang. Axiom5, sex desire is pursuit other person's physical sex organ, including pursuit the smell,sex desire donot affect sex behavior, sex behavior is behavior standard to oneself gender identity, so gays and lesbians can use sexual behavior to disguise as heterosexuals, then they can reproduce. 9,sexdesire heredity is unstable,this cause my Y chromosome extinct.The sexdesire gene have odd-even law,it leads to love girl in even number, love man in odd number.My mother and brother are Chimera homosexuals, their brains and appearances are different.My father is gene gay,he raised me but also tortured me.In primary school, he malice forced me to eat alum bread every day, resulting in aluminum poisoning,muscle weakness. 10, I write a novel expose the truth of gay government's society.Homosexuality is prohibited in law nominally,but in fact,lesbians intentionally describe beautify heterosexual women as lesbians, and then force the beauty to have girl on girl sex with them. 11,At present,only a few people can understand truth. Majority speech reverse good and evil.The reason why most people can hurt me is they are not be hurt. I say I want to kill because majority people want to kill.Life without guns shouldnot live, I just want to let my kind avoid being plot to tortured death. the beauty I love don't have logic,worry them entangle myself. God ask loser to resist, will go hell after fail. Record my sex psychology and reveal the true sex psychology of majority people(chinese wenheqian) 1,axiom1,In current society, most people can be accommodated, a few people are discriminated and intentionally hurt to dead, I do things according to instinct, but I became minority, because my sex psychology. After my extinction,no one knows my sex psychology. Axiom2,as long as gay men can survive, any motive they intentionally hurt me can exist.cannot explain why gay mem exist. Axiom3,I can't survive, so I seek a good die, I want to speak out the true sex psychology of majority people before I die. axiom4,both gay and heterosexual men have the chance to be majority,cannot prove which kind is majority. 2,My sexual psychology, my intelligence is determined by my hereditary sexdesire,I can understand a kind of gay's sexdesire, that is please majority people but intentionally harm minority, my instinct is to became minority, the purpose is to unite my kind, and because I donot want to be victim,so I need to fight eliminate gay, my method is gather my kind, use force to eliminate gay. only the people who want to kill people can eliminate my enemy, so I don't discriminated person who want to kill people. In order to protect each other, I have to be able to kill people. I only want to have girl on girl sex intercourse, but I am a male, so I only can hug and kiss beautiful women.When I was 13 years old, I was deeply secret love a female classmate, Liu Ziying. Her body odor was tasteless, but it attracted me, which made me curious and happy. She was my favorite in my life. From then on, I knew that the main charm of heterosexual women was body odor and sex slave thinking. 3,My pain, I want to protect myself, but I can't avoid being intentionally hurt by gay and lesbian,and I can't tell the truth,so it's more painful. 4,The most painful torment I've suffered is the plight of speech.majority not only kill me, but also cover up the truth with lies. When I tell the truth, it is regarded as a lie. When I prove the truth with axiom, I be killed. gays and lesbians make up many general principles to cover the motives of intentionally hurt me,I cannot rebut. majority say me is a sex pervert want to kill,But in fact, most people are sex perverts want to kill,they please majority but kill minority, only a few die man know the truth. Analogy, multiple lessbian cooperate to force beautiful women to have girl-on-girl sex with them, but they create lies say that beautiful women force them.when violent winners lie, that is doubly torturing the victims. 5,predict the future,I will extinct and no longer evolved out. 1st, gay men intentionally harm me regardless consequences,I dont know how to avoid.In ancient times,there is geographic isolation, my ancestor at least is local majority.we can protect ourselves by identifying and killing gay men in advance. we all want to survive when be minority. 2nd,only government have gun,present government malice protect gay and les who intentionally hurt me.gay government spy killed awaken in my kind, I dont have changce to gather or awake my kind. 3rd,The sexdesire gene has the odd even law,but majority people's sexual desire is stable heredity, so after my y chromosome extinct, no my kind man exist. 6,Follow talk about sexual psychology of majority man. It reveals the means and reasons of their intentional harm to me. The reason is inevitable, and the means are very clever, so I certain die.Most men are hypocrisy gay,they must use lies cover up the truth when hurting others. they wouldn't kill each other when they persecute minority, so hypocrisy murderer also can sympathize with each other.I am minority victim,I need to tell sexual psychological truth to seek help, but it cause gay massacre to silence. 7. Gay men intentionally hurt me but pretend no this thing, then continue to sympathy with me, The effect is equal to intermittent schizophrenia,also equal to lies. 8.Gay men think that the performance of brain injury can be regarded as schizophrenia, so gay government spy maliciously describe me as schizophrenic, then intentionally knock injure my head. 9.gay men believe that if they are protected by the majority, they can hurt minority people at will, the victims is minority,not be protected. This is the reason why they win in speech. Therefore, they always please majority, and must use lies to fabricate other people's evil, use accusation to intentionally kill, so that they can be protected. So My kind will be said killer demon maliciously. 10. Gays and lesbians all ask others to be goodness,but their sexdesire is equal to tortured killing heterosexual men.gay say that their killing is to eliminate enemy, but in fact, if minority people do not kill them, they will be deliberately injured,Vertical and horizontal all dead. 11.gay men don't want to live and hurt others, but they survive at last, because majority protect them. 12. Gays and lesbians forever describe their sexdesires as no sexdesire reproduce,the purpose is to use lies hide their sexdesire which is totured kill same sex. 13. Gay men have the desire to feel their own pain, and they will be happier when they be retaliated. so they dont afraid punishment. 14.When gay men want to eliminate me, they also please and use me.In this time, gay men on surface do ordinary things, but in fact, they are looking for opportunities to intentionally hurt me. 15. when face heterosexual men's query, gay men still do whatever they want,they say can't understand what you say,they think one knows the truth when they plot others. 16. Lesbians attack me more deadly,because they fully know my brain. Lesbian pretend heterosexual women and fabricate be hurted facts to kill me,They are protected, but they can kill at will. They selectively pester harass others. They do not harass gay and lesbian because they can distinguish heterosexual men.They say "people who want to kill will not be discriminated against if they not exposed, therefore, people who sympathize with wenheqian are exposed people who want to kill", so no one dares to sympathize with me. 17. My countermeasures. I'm stupid, can't defense.When I support myself, I will be hurt intentionally,so It's better to beg for food and seek protection.But I know after the extinction of defect Y chromosome,there will no man sympathize me. At this time,no help for me when I beg for food. 18. People who intentionally hurt me will not be hurt. I don't want to die in this. I want revenge,I regret woke up too late,gay government spy knocked my head and let me no ability to resist. Record a persecution of speech that I encountered and explain Why it has no solution(chinese wenheqian) 1.axiom, on the surface, freedom of speech on the Internet, but in fact, some speech will lead to death. 2. Life experience: from primary school to university, I was discriminated and ridiculed and intentionally hurt by most boys. I know they hurt me is because sexdesire,but nobody protect me.I met three boy students surnamed ye are government spy,a roommate surnamed ye saw through my sexual psychology, he have decided to kill me secretly but he still please and use me. I know but I cannt say out.I dont regret creat trouble,in University,I was spread rumors by gay,then I seek help blindly,it caused most people talk about me through smart phones,say I was sexual perversion wanted to kill human plus schizophrenia,then they isolated and arbitrarily hurt me, I say truth, they maliciously say it is illusion.When I say that I be intentionally hurt, they say it is a delusion of victimization. They donot afraid me but say I am terrible every day. I can't change most people's mind,they felt the charges were true,my kind extinct, I'm helpless.I was intentionally knocked injure on head during internship, it was arranged by the government spy because none of the male students I went with were knocked.I regret that I didn't discover that roommate surnamed ye is a spy.I buy online and eat beef have mad cow virus made by govern spy,I regret not being on guard. 3,Being speech persecuted experience, I said on the Internet that I want to kill people, and say I have mental illness, which causes most people kill me by hook or by crook. They said "the man wants to kill must be gay, threaten other people's survival,should be eliminated,gay have no pain,should be tortured,wenheqian is schizophrenic,Schizophrenic people can be hurt at will because the victim will be said to have victimization delusion, If wenheqian kill people to revenge the society, it authenticate wenheqian is killer demon and schizophrenic". 4,my kind can understand the truth, majority people say they persecute me is to eliminate the threat of killing, but in fact, they are malicious, The logical proof is that when I don't want to kill most people, they still persecute me. I claim that I want to kill is to distinguish from the hypocrisy,Hypocrites use goodness pretext to intentionally kill people. I want to eliminate hypocrites. 5,reason of no solution,this kind of speech persecution will not happen if my kind are majority. now only less than 1/30 people sympathize me, and they survive by disguise as majority,unable to help me.I cann't think out method to change most people's minds,certainly dead in speech defect. Record the last struggle before a chinese wenheqian's death 1.majority people and government want to extinct me.I do dying struggle. 2. In my struggle, I go to the streets and looked for people who sympathized with me from passers-by, including women, I found that only 1 / 30 of them sympathized with me. I said to them, "I am a minority. I am discriminated and intentionally hurt by the majority, they say I am a demon wants to kill people. I need your help and protection. I want to unite my kind to form an army to protect myself,I have invented a new system,allows anyone to form an army freely, the weak obey the strong. " They said, "we don't dare to help you.we will be slaughtered by the Communist Party if form army." 3. The result by predict.I will be beated and killed by majority people on the street, and the police pretend not see it. If I turn to seek help from 29 / 30 majority people, I will get a fall stone. 4. My firm. My brain damaged,I insist survive by Morita therapy. I try chlorpromazine to treat mad cow disease,feel effective.Chlorpromazine only blocked part of the brain function. I speculated that people born with a certain brain function defect will not be infected with BSE, cannibals will not be infected. 5. The way that majority people intentionally hurt me and the corresponding motivation. Two kinds of people. 1st,this kind of people use indirect violent to attack me. They eliminate me by supporting and helping people who intentionally hurt me. Their motivation is "flattering the winner can avoid being hurt, and the man who intentionally hurting wenheqian is winner".Current government army protect them. 2nd,this kind of people attacks me directly with violence. Their motivation is "enjoy using the kindness of victim to hurt the victim, and believe they can enjoy kindness of majority people after intentionally hurting others." Their motives can become reality, because current government also protect them, they intentionally hurt others but sympathize and enshield each other, and they can use lies to deceive the same kind people with victims. They are both gay and lesbian, They have sex desire to intentionally hurt me. 6.After public this article, the government forced all people to wear masks outdoor on the reason of preventing the spread of a pneumonia virus, so I could not go to the streets to look for my kind. this is a government conspiracy of gay governor, which shows that I have no means to resist.I despairly wait death. 7,Human civilization has no hope.The lies of gays and lesbians destroy natural science. Nowadays, economy is extremely wasteful of mineral resources, unsustainable. And a large number of garbage is generated, no recycling, garbage will cover up earth. 8. I have think long time,confirm can't find method to eliminate majority people advantage.I don't have time to write out their advantages. They are asymmetric. My kind have no value to exist, can Killing before die is optimal solution. Memoirs of Xiaozhen, a fictional novel(author is wenheqian) author's self report, Most people say I am gay, but in fact, my sexual psychology is the same as lesbians. I have speech defect psychology. I am going extinct. Most people are homosexual. I use lesbian perspective to expose the truth. text:In 2093, the earth was unified. Gay and lesbians cooperated to take power. Gay men controlled the military. Lesbians were in charge of economic management. My name is Xiaozhen. I'm a lesbian. My father, a government spy, his work is finding and killing rebellious heterosexual men. My mother didn't have a job and raised her children at home. Schools teach all students mainstream ideology, mainstream ideology prohibit homosexuality, but in fact, heterosexual men and women will be said as homosexual by majority gay and lesbian, and then legitimate sexual abuse. When I was in primary school, I love a female deskmate, She was very tall and white. Although I was a woman, I was full of curiosity about her body,I often find chance to touch her,and fantasy make her my sex slave. From middle school to university, I served as a student cadre, whose task is to help female leaders and teachers of the school find beautiful girls. Beautiful girls will become sexual slaves of female leaders and teachers. In the college dormitory, beautiful girls are only 1/6, each dormitory is lesbian majority,They would malicious call beautiful girls lesbians,then they cooperate sexual abuse and force accompany sleep.For example, we will intentionally occupy the toilet and force the beautiful girls to urinate with us. Because I am a student cadre, I have slept with many beautiful girls. For example, Deng, I lay on my back and forced her to lie on my body.I touched her labia and clit and vagina, and use my lower abdomen had girl girl sex with her. When I graduated from University, one day, my father ask me help to find a way to eliminate a kind men surnamed Wen.Because they are good at exposing the lies of the government, sham democracy and sham speech freedom, they disgrace the government. I secretly observed men surnamed Wen. I think their sexual psychology is the same as mine. Although I know that they are miserable, I also want to exterminate them because they threaten my existence. I found genetic engineering technology can realize the reproduction between women and women. So I planned to build a pure female society, in which lesbians are in power and heterosexual women are sex slaves. I think gay men have no understanding, they don't understand natural science, and they waste natural resources extremely. This is caused by the low class sexual psychology of heterosexual women, Heterosexual men is the ruler in past who evolved to reasonable. Heterosexual women are the sex slaves of heterosexual men.

[militant-holy-knight]

Using Tragedy For Political Gain For the Nth Time.

I am torn as to whether or not I should have written a personal take on this so soon. When I woke up in Friday morning to see the news about the Christchurch terrorist attack I was alarmed. Yes, I saw the footage and yes, I read his manifesto - it was nothing short of absolutely grotesque and degenerate. Plain and simple. Make no mistake, this was an racist attack whose perpetrator is indeed a terrorist. In fact, I won’t even dignify him by referring to his name - he will simply be called henceforth the NZ terrorist. On Tumblr I shared a few articles and reblogged a few posts calling for moderation. But as I see the events further develop I can’t help but address this situation which I believe will make things worse unless if we talk about them anyway.

We don’t often get the luxury of having a mass murderer explain himself such as the Las Vegas shooter (whose motivations are still a mystery to this day and will never be explained). And while the NZ wrote an extensive manifesto and made it clear what his positions are. I’ve struggled (and I still do) on whether or not saying his manifesto should be read by people so that people can draw their own conclusions, but I’ve questioned how much he is a point he would have when the doc is filled with so much misdirection, shitposting and trolling. I’ve questioned if he really is world-traveled as he claims he is since his manifesto drips with the words of someone who never left his parents’ home and decided to go on a shooting because of death... Until I saw there is evidence he visited at least Pakistan, with video and passport to confirm it.

As far as we know, his manifesto was made to misdirect with only one thing for certain that we can assess: he wants to further cause division between the left and right and escalate the culture war. Unfortunately, many individuals have either mindlessly fallen into his trap and started heaping the blame on the wrong kind of individuals for allegedly “radicalizing” this criminal or even more insidiously, forming some sort of unholy ideological alliance with the terrorist because he knows his crimes will play into a certain course of action that he hopes they will take and they are grateful that someone did actually did it so he could use the tragedy as an convenient excuse.

A good example that comes to mind is the dictator of Turkey, Reccep Tayip Erdogan, (who is name dropped in the manifesto and who the terrorist calls for his death) blamed the attack on the “rise of Islamophobia” and went on to say the Hagia Sophia will never be a church again so long as there are Turkish people. Very typical behavior from him and to say so no surprise, but this time he is surely alarmed because the terrorist dared to paint a target on him. He is in pure hostility mode because that is how he operates. He is overly emotional, engages in divide and conquer tactics like the terrorist and makes no bones about how much he hates not just his political rivals, but also his allies too. He earns to revive the Ottoman caliphate so that he can take over the West and the Arab world. He is an absolute PR nightmare for anyone who wants to show an example of a liberal Muslim government, which Turkey used to be held up as the example the MENA countries should follow, but now is hardly any better. The only time I remembered he tried to present himself as a paragon compared - which is hard to do when you are jailing journalists and critics - except during the Jamal Khashoggi affair. For one, trying to pretend like you are a better human rights example than Saudi Arabia really isn’t that hard to achieve since they are just Islamic North Korea. For another, people have rightfully pointed out that he is full of shit and he was merely using that for personal agenda.

But Erdogan is a dictator so of course he wants his critics silenced and his opinions don’t earn any serious merit in the discussion. What really is concerning is the kind of discourse we will see in the Western world. Journalists have either consciously or not laid the blame at the feet of Donald Trump, Candace Owens, Pewdiepie, Christians, Jews, memelords, guns and others for supposedly radicalizing this individual. It’s ironic he said denounces Trump and conservatism in his manifesto, but since the public will be discouraged from reading it out of fear of radicalizing themselves, it creates an convenient opportunity they can paint a monster that must be put down.

This is dangerous not only because it validates the far-right’s concerns but also helps no one but further alienate those outside of the fight politically. Lets consider who will be marginalized if the far-left engages in a literal crusade to defend Islam by any means necessary. The first ones to get silenced would be the online memelords that post harmless memes simply because the terrorist used a lot of memes like the Remove Kebab song in his massacre footage, which has been deleted from Youtube as we speak.

Then there are historians like Iniciativa Condor, Real Crusades History and myself that are personally fascinated by the Crusades, the Reconquista and the Great Turkish War. Because the terrorist now used several references like the Battle of Tours, the Battle of Vienna, Skanderbeg, the Russo-Turkish War and many others (though ironically not Vlad the Impaler), I imagined we will be ostracized when discussing such subjects in the open out of fear of another Christchurch. In fact, I’ve been warned by personal relatives that I shouldn’t be vocal about it anymore.

And then on a more serious scale... There are critics of Islam as a religion, specially of Muslim background. Regardless if atheistic or religious, these people were already under enough scrutiny in their home countries who do everything to suppress criticism of Islam even secular societies like Indonesia and Turkey, the former in particular exploits its law Article 301 about “insulting Turkishness” which is misused to arrest dissidents. There is a former Muslim Youtuber I am subscribed, the Apostate Prophet who while deeply denouncing the attack, received messages asking if he was happy about Muslims being killed. What kind of fucked up perspective is this where criticism of Islam is equated with sanctioning the death of Muslims?

Now on the worst case of all. Consider that there is an actual epidemic of rape that liberals have turned an blind eye on Europe because it means tackling a very uncomfortable topic which goes contrary to what works in their agenda.

If what happens on Europe is bad, then its infinitely worse what is happening around the world, specially in the Middle-East where Christians are facing an actual genocide by jihadists and fundamentalists which has been going on for years now, but we have only started paying attention now that the Middle-East began to spill into the West. Furthermore, this attack will certainly result in retaliation since they have found less excuse for. Remember the Regensburg lecture by Pope Benedict when he quoted the Byzantine Emperor Manuel Palailogos for criticizing Muhammed and the entire Islamic world went apeshit with Iraq in particular killing Assyrians in retaliation as if they had anything to do with it. Just because of an controversial statement by the Pope.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not leaving the alt-righters celebrating this atrocity in their echo chambers off the hook either. I’ve seen how static /pol/ users were at seeing the footage of him shooting up innocents, advocating for more terrorist attacks to be called out, trolling users who said innocents shouldn’t be targeted or those accusing the terrorist of being a Mossad agent or a Shia Muslim. Its somewhat surprising you see: /pol/ hates Muslims too they think Jewish people are much, much worse (something which the shooter didn’t do). Hell I heard the Saudi Royal Family is in fact Jewish behind close doors. Consider these are the kind of people who are also in love with Bashar al Assad who portrays himself as the secular side of the Syrian Civil War that protects minorities when in fact this is also a ruse.

Similarly, for all their bitching about Western civilization falling, they are unsympathetic to the plight of Christians around the world because they are non-white and follow a “Semitic religion”. Not a single word about Asia Bibi being on death row, the persecution of Copts in Egypt or explosion of churches in  They have trivialized the word of genocide by comparing low birth-rates with actual fucking persecution, exiling, destruction of heritage that minorities suffer in the Middle-East. Also speaking as a Brazilian even one fascinated with Western heritage, they’d still advocate my death because I am non-white (I hate using the term “POC” because its patronizing) and they’d want us to stay in their shitty lane.

Its frustrating enough that the far-left has a monopoly on social media and journalism (this isn’t up for debate, the purge of NPC memes is evidence of that) and the internet is basically owned by them. Now imagine if they push down even harder? Or Erdogan’s comments will end up pushing someone to actually try to assassinate him (unlikely considering Kurds haven’t been pushed hard enough to consider assassinating him despite all the things they have done to their people, a foreigner will likely have even less motivation for doing so), but I don’t think that man will go down peacefully as he expects. The whole point of this massacre was to literally divide the world into left-wing and right-wing, with the shooter expecting that whites begin genociding foreigners regardless of religion (he simply chose a mosque because it was too obvious, he denounces Latinos and Indians who are majority Catholic and Hindu respectively). I’d argue that in addition to being a national socialist and a fascist, I think he is an anarchist too - because for a guy committed to such a cause, he did a lot of harm to it by killing children and filming it. Nobody sane will advocate for this, only the tiny, tiny minority in /pol/ that agree with his actions, and even they don’t have a back bone to follow his footsteps.

Everything the terrorist wanted he is getting because of the emotionally driven responses that people are making as such I call for moderation, quit the dick measuring game that you call a culture war and try to find a common ground before anything else. 

#rants #terrorism

[catcomixzstudios]

How To Life Chapter 31

Authority And Government

We as species have basically decided that the best way to get things done is by putting a bunch of different people with different ideas in a room together and having them debate what kinds of laws everyone needs to follow. Considering the fact that we can’t agree on fuck all, this may not have exactly been the best route, but it’s kind of all we have. 

Now, this isn’t the section on various forms of government and what I personally think of them. That’s later. This is just kind of a general overview of how any governing body should be. What is just, what is wrong? When should you just throw the whole thing away and start with a new government? First off, most governments (and indeed, most authority figures) have many things they need to deal with. I can’t even imagine all of the crap most politicians have to go through. Look, I don’t even agree with most of them, but that doesn’t change the fact that they don’t have an easy job. In America, we basically built the system on the idea that people are going to disagree and probably stand around jacking off quite alot. Not every politician is necessarily a good person, but just consider how much of a pain in the ass the balancing act of being a politician is. Just think about how many different people want so many different things, and how they can’t even please some people most of the time. With all of that said, you aren’t required to agree with or even respect the people claiming to govern you. In fact, if you’re living under an authority that says you HAVE to respect them, that’s not a good sign. If you live in a place where your government encourages blind worship to its leadership regardless of the actually quality of said leadership, that’s also not a good sign. Ideally, your leadership should encourage freedom that doesn’t cause harm to others. They should practice being as open and honest as practically possible. If your government’s first reaction to even the most minor infraction is to cut your nuts off or some crazy shit like that, you might have some douchey leaders. If your leadership just happens to be someone you disagree with in terms of how much money to spend on the poor or how we should treat immigrants, that’s a good reason to throw someone out. There’s a scale. Pretty much all governing bodies are going to be doing stupid and/or evil shit, but I believe most of them are more inept than outright evil. Usually this is something I think most people can be trusted to gauge for themselves. If you have a dictator that will kill anyone for even daring to try and speak out against them, I think you’ve got a good enough reason to ask them politely to leave. Here’s the thing about authority though: Almost any authority figure is going to want to try and keep power. Part of it is because we’d rather not have anarchy (since we don’t trust each other enough for that), and part of it is because when you get that kind of power, it’s not something you want to give up easily. If you do plan to overthrow your dictator, know that they’re probably going to try and kill everyone. I am hopeful for the future. The reason you’re able to read this is because there are systems put in place to make sure you can. Plus, the world is becoming more and more connected. Now dictators and regular politicians alike are going to have a harder time trying to hide their horrible actions. Word spreads, and people are becoming slightly more willing to listen. It’ll never be perfect. Hell, I believe the only possible way to have a perfect government is to brainwash your citizens into believing that’s the case. People are fickle, and they will disagree about anything. But I will always believe in our ability to change for the better. Even as populations grow, we can still make an individual difference. Never underestimate the power one person has to affect millions. After all, that’s what our leaders experience every day. Any government needs to be representative of its people (unless they don’t actually care about their people). That means they’ll have to juggle tons of ideas, new and old. They have to be able to adapt to the times and change with them. Let’s say for example you have a government built on slavery, genocide of the natives, oppression, making money, and trying to keep people in line while holding back certain minority groups (intentionally or otherwise) so as to keep the people who are in power in power. I’m sure this’ll be a tough hypothetical for some, but bare with me. There are some systems that should be downright torn apart, yet there are many where I believe that things can eventually be fixed. If positive changes are happening, I generally think the system can be mended with time. But it’s going to take an enormous effort. What can you do about these things if you’re not a politician? Try to find others like yourself. Gather these people together and take advantage of any avenue you have to make your voices heard. Use your powers as a citizen. I firmly believe in the phrase “People shouldn’t be afraid of their government. Governments should be afraid of their people.” When the powers that be truly fail and/or harm their people, those people need a way to make changes happen. As I said, I believe that’ll become slightly easier in the future. I don’t have any doubt that some governing bodies will try to silence social media and individual people one way or another, but find a way. Make your voice heard. Make sure governments do feel pressure, and that people’s suffering doesn’t escape their view. Governments can’t solve everything. They never will. But if it gets to a point where they’re so completely interested in their own needs much more than those of the people, then help to get them out. Please stay informed about politics and politicians. Keep track of their record, and either make it easier for others to do so or find people who will help you. Personally, I think that governments work best with smaller and more locally run systems. However, there still needs to be protections for those who are the minority (another good indicator of how well things are working; ask yourself how minorities and minority opinions are treated). Despite all of this, I’d like to believe in my heart of hearts that most governments are at least started with the idea of trying to do the best things possible. I’ll admit, that’s a belief that gets challenged very often, but I always strive to believe that people have the best intentions. I’m sure governments, if they continue to exist as the main source of order in the world, will continue to grow and change with their people, albeit at a slower rate. Hopefully, they’ll change for the better.

(Quote from Alan Moore)

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#how to life #htl #chapter 31 #authority #government #books #writing #advice #humanity #life #philosophy #humor

[ask-lightning-n-dusk-blog]

Unsure about doing this... here goes

I have announced on this blog before that I am an MRA, well yes, that does mean at times I will pause to talk about issues relevant to that. That being said, here is a warning that the following will contain mature subject matter. Only read if you can handle adult discussions.

This is my own experiences with sexual harassment.

 Over the last several months something has been called to my attention, an aggressive series of social justice movements seeking to divide people based solely on born traits or otherwise superficial identifications. One of the most dangerous trends I’ve seen is the concept of trying to say who can and cannot suffer in certain ways, for instance saying only women, transsexuals or other sexual “minority” groups can experience sexual harassment or at least their suffering is more important because they are “marginalized”. To be clear, if you are the victim of genuine harassment, rape, sexual or violent assault, murder, discrimination-anything like that- your suffering is real and understand there is no circumstance that makes it less important. We should not be governing ourselves by who we can forget, the children starving in Russia do not need our help more than those starving in the US. Each person has to decide who they will help for themselves, but do not mistaken such choices for evaluations of who is or is not important. The suffering of a white man is no less important than the suffering of a black woman. When you help someone, you really do need to be mature and realize your choice should not be based on who is or is not important, but rather what your heart leads you to do.

So here goes, my sexual harassment experiences, yes plural… they all kinda blur together over the course of a five year period. You see, about ten years ago now, I joined the army. I was told me being a virgin would be a problem, but I never understood to what degree until I entered. Outside the army some people would ask questions and maybe be a little rude trying to guess the size of my penis, but never anything I couldn’t handle… it was just seriously awkward is all. (There were a few times when the teasing got out of hand to the point of me running and crying from bullies who thought it was funny to constantly badger me about sexual concepts and positions when I was in the sixth grade for some reason, but my parents eventually homeschooled me so that stopped all together.)

(A warning, anyone even thinking of finding out who was in my units and going after them let me be clear- you try and I find out, I will ruin you. Those guys could be mean, but a damn lot of them would have willingly laid down their lives for me so screw the hell off. Maybe that’s why I sometimes hesitate to bring this up, because I know some jerk will always try to say something nasty about soldiers using this as evidence. This is not something against the army. The army has problems and this centers on one of them, but the people in there can be good people. Reform it by all means, but don’t try to hurt the people in it.)

The army was a different story though. One of the major issues with sexual harassment in the army is the frequent imposition of not being allowed to leave certain areas coupled with group punishment. This means if someone thinks it’s funny to constantly ask questions about your genitals you cannot demand he or she leave, nor can you leave yourself. Demanding they knock it off and trying to get them in trouble usually causes just as much trouble for you, if not more. If a woman, knowing you’re a virgin, begins to insist that you are therefore a pedophile, and you rightfully snap at her, you are punished right along with her and the rest of your unit. The idea is that this should create cohesion by making the unit suffer together. What it really does is silence victims because other members of the unit see it as easier to silence them, than address a trouble maker. This means, like me, many people in the army and similar services are subject to nigh and sometimes actual daily sexual harassment or other forms of harassment (people with mental handicaps have it far worse generally BTW) with little to nothing they can do about it.

It’s hard to say what was the worst of it either. Maybe it was AIT where I was constantly told I needed to compare my penis size to other men, which of course I never did nor did they want me to do, I was just an easy target because I was a virgin and they could use the “curiosity” excuse to get away from being called the dreaded “gay”. (Ironically this was a problem word even among those who were staunchly anti-homophobia.) Maybe when I turned people down to visit bars with them and constantly had to defend myself against accusations that I was either hiding the fact that I was a pedophile or fantasized about rape. Maybe it was because at times I subjected others to the same treatment because it was the only way I was ever able to be relieved from it myself (not excusing that, I never should have given in, but I did). Maybe it was experiencing the same harassment from women as men, when feminists and most of society had always taught me this was a “gendered” issue. Maybe it was my loss of innocence regarding women entirely when I slowly found out that women treated each other and other men exactly the same and only men could ever be expected to get in real trouble and only if they were harassing women. Maybe the worst was when a homosexual man grabbed me in public, rubbed his genitals on me and when I threw him off me, I was shouted down by him and my peers for “homophobia”. Maybe it was the constant need to explain to even the more rational people that no, there is no connection between penis size and virginity, nor worse yet, pedophilia, rape, serial killers or other forms of violent crime- why would there fucking be, how did that line of questioning even make sense to them anyway?!!-. Guess they thought they were “just making sure”.

Go ahead folks, tell me, which is the worst sounding of all that? Some of it was near daily, some weekly, some of it got better over time, some got worse and to tell the truth it was all so frequent it all blurred together. (To be fair the gay guy was a one time experience, though as you can imagine it stuck out.) It was worst when I first went in and didn’t know it was coming. Over time I did learn to redirect conversations and how to make people just as uncomfortable discussing my sexuality as I was. (A favorite trick of mine was to question the insecurities that must obviously be present in someone so afraid of virgins.) Maybe the worst of it was knowing no one else really had it much better and no one who wanted a solution had any idea what it would be.

I suppose I should address something that happened as a result of all this. If I were to trace the origin of this, it probably was experiences like this- but I suppose it’s possible I’m just self-diagnosing-. For whatever reason, I have lost all interest in being sexually active, even in a marriage relationship. I suppose that makes me part of a legit minority group officially recognized by a social justice group- a-sexuals… no. I refuse to play that game. You can care about me because I was human and hurt, I will not let you pretend I’m “one of you” so you can continue to neglect concern about my brothers. (Make no mistake, all men are your brothers and all women your sisters.) To LGBT, I remember how you guys acted years ago before you started adding letters. Virgins, by choice or by biology were pariahs to you guys. I have no problem with gay or trans people themselves, but advocacy groups associated with them... I was your enemy ten years ago because I didn’t want to have sex before marriage, and five years ago because I said I wasn’t interested in having sex. Now suddenly you speak for me because you wanted to add a vowel to your dumb acronym? No, you don’t get that privilege. I’m not a-sexual, I’m a virgin. It was mostly people on the political left even in the army who attacked me for my sexual choices. The left gave me the label “virgin” and refused to let me forget it, now I won’t let them forget it. I’m taking that label to my grave.

If anyone feels the desire to apologize to me who didn’t do anything to me, don’t you dare. That’s nothing more than virtue signaling. The only reason to apologize for something you personally were never involved in, is to be seen by others as being sorry, it’s profanity in my book. I hold no grudge against random gay people because one molested me, nor do I hate the sexually active because so many people of that persuasion couldn’t leave me the freak alone. If you feel sorry for me, just say that, but know that I’m fine and moving on, but don’t you dare try to legitimately apologize for something someone else did.

Do I feel like a victim? Objectively myself and many others at the time were, but now, not really. It was years ago and there’s no reason for me to demand anything now, just recognition that my problems were real and therefore, the problems of other men are too. I’m not demanding justice, nor apologies, I’m just asking people to finally realize equality means equality. My suffering is the same as yours, whether I’m part of your group or not. I guess that’s another reason I refuse to identify as an a-sexual, I refuse to give the social justice movement that kind of an out. No, I’m not an a-sexual that you can now pretend to care about when before you thought I was scum of the earth because I was a white male virgin. You either care about me as a human being regardless of my identity or you can get lost.

               So yea, that’s my story and my feelings. Do with them what you will.

[kansascityhappenings]

Her son died. And then anti-vaxers attacked her

https://embed-prod.vemba.io/vemba-embed.js

Not long ago, a 4-year-old boy died of the flu. His mother, under doctor’s orders, watched his two little brothers like a hawk, terrified they might get sick and die, too.

Grieving and frightened, just days after her son’s death she checked her Facebook page hoping to read messages of comfort from family and friends.

Instead, she found dozens of hateful comments: You’re a terrible mother. You killed your child. You deserved what happened to your son. This is all fake – your child doesn’t exist.

Bewildered and rattled, she closed her Facebook app.

A few days later she received a text message from someone named Ron. Expect more like this, Ron warned. Expect more.

The attacks were from those who oppose vaccination, and this mother, who lives in the Midwest, doesn’t want her name used for fear the attention would only encourage more messages.

Nothing too cruel

Interviews with mothers who’ve lost children and with those who spy on anti-vaccination groups, reveal a tactic employed by anti-vaxers: When a child dies, members of the group sometimes encourage each other to go on that parent’s Facebook page. The anti-vaxers then post messages telling the parents they’re lying and their child never existed, or that the parent murdered them, or that vaccines killed the child, or some combination of all of those.

Nothing is considered too cruel. Just days after their children died, mothers say anti-vaxers on social media called them whores, the c-word and baby killers.

The mother in the Midwest, who wants to remain anonymous, isn’t alone.

Jill Promoli, who lives outside Toronto, lost her son to flu. She believes the anti-vaxers are trying to silence the very people who can make the strongest argument for vaccinations: those whose children died of vaccine-preventable illnesses.

Flu took the life of Promoli’s 2-year-old son, Jude McGee, three years ago. She’s since started a campaign in his name for flu prevention, including vaccination.

“I know that these people are really trying to hurt me, and I understand that the reason they’re doing it is because they want me to stop,” she said.

Anti-vaxers respond

Larry Cook, the founder of Stop Mandatory Vaccination, doesn’t deny that such attacks on mothers of dead children exist.

In an email to CNN, he wrote that members of his group make more than half a million comments on the group’s Facebook page each month.

“Any discussions about parents who lose their children after those children are vaccinated would be minor in number, and even smaller would be the number of members reaching out to parents in private message to share their concerns that vaccines may have played a role in a death,” Cook wrote.

“I do not condone violent behavior or tone and encourage decorum during discussion,” Cook wrote, adding that anyone “who deliberately engage[s] in the politics of advocating for compulsory vaccination where children may be further damaged through government vaccine mandates can expect push back and resistance, alongside knowledgable discussions about vaccine risk in social media commentary.”

Cook said some of the more than 160,000 members of his group have been targets of “harassment campaigns,” and that “police have actually showed up at my members’ doorsteps.”

He added that he’s been threatened and included a screenshot of a private Facebook message that said, “Finally found where you live. Finally I’ll be able to put a bullet in you. You are dead.”

Another anti-vaccination leader blamed the postings on grieving parents’ pages on “infiltrators” who try to “create incendiary situations.”

“I tell everybody that you should look at the person you’re talking to and those on the other side of this discussion and recognize that they care about children, too,” said Del Bigtree, chief executive officer of the Informed Consent Action Network.

During the public comment period at a meeting last month of the US Center for Disease Control’s Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices, more than a dozen people spoke about their concerns about vaccines. Some said they or their loved ones had been injured by vaccines.

“My older son suffered documented illness and regression following vaccination,” said Jackie Martin-Sebell. “These vaccines are not safe for everyone.”

Another speaker, Rilei Cherry, said her son developed autism as a result of vaccines. “We owe it to our children to truly look at the long-term effects of vaccines and be honest about what could happen to our children,” she told the CDC committee.

Despite the speakers’ concerns, more than a dozen studies have shown that vaccines do not cause autism. The American Academy of Pediatrics says “Vaccines are safe. Vaccines are effective. Vaccines save lives.”

The mothers

On May 6, 2016, Promoli put her toddlers Jude and his twin brother Thomas, down for an afternoon nap in their home. Jude had a low-grade fever, but he was laughing and singing when he went down for his nap.

When his mother went to check on him two hours later, he was dead. Promoli said the next few weeks were “a living hell.”

“Having to go in and plan a funeral and find the ability somehow to even take steps to walk into a funeral home, to make plans and decide whether to bury or cremate your child — it was just all so horrifying,” she said.

When an autopsy came back showing Jude had died of the flu, Promoli started her flu prevention campaign.

That’s when the online attacks began.

Some anti-vaxers told her she’d murdered Jude and made up a story about the flu to cover up her crime. Others said vaccines had killed her son. Some called her the c-word.

The worst ones — the ones that would sometimes make her cry — were the posts that said she was advocating for flu shots so that other children would die from the shots and their parents would be miserable like she was.

“The first time it made me feel really sick because I couldn’t fathom how anybody could even come up with such a terrible claim,” Promoli said. “It caught me off guard in its cruelty. What kind of a person does this?”

Twisted logic that relies on scientific lies doesn’t bother Promoli so much anymore. She’s continued with her flu shot campaign, persuading Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau to publicize his flu shot.

“I’ve had to grow some very thick skin,” she said.

She said no matter how many nasty messages she’s received — and she says she’s received hundreds — she’ll continue her campaign.

“The work that we’re doing might mean that somebody else doesn’t have to go plan a funeral for their toddler, and that is everything,” she said.

Other mothers have also persevered despite attacks from anti-vaxers.

Serese Marotta lost her 5-year-old son, Joseph, to the flu in 2009, and is now chief operating officer of Families Fighting Flu, a group that encourages flu awareness and prevention, including vaccination.

In 2017, she posted a video on the eighth anniversary of her son’s death to reinforce the importance of getting the flu vaccine.

“SLUT,” one person commented. “PHARMA WHORE.”

“May you rot in hell for all the damages you do!” a Facebook user wrote on another one of her posts.

She says a Facebook user in Australia sent her a death threat.

“She called me a lot of names I won’t repeat and used the go-to conspiracy theories about government and big pharma, and I responded, ‘I lost a child,’ and questioned where she was coming from, and she continued to attack me,” said Marotta, who lives in Syracuse, New York.

Catherine and Greg Hughes, an Australian couple who lost their 1-month old son, Riley, to whooping cough, have also received online abuse. Too young to be vaccinated, Riley relied on herd immunity — the vaccinations of others — to protect him.

But herd immunity didn’t protect him, since the area where the Hughes family lived in Perth has some of the lowest vaccination rates in Australia.

“Riley’s death was a very inconvenient truth for anti-vaccine activists,” Catherine said. “The nasty messages started 24 hours after he died. They called us baby killers and said we would have the blood of other babies on our hands. We’ve been told to kill ourselves.”

The couple started a vaccination campaign, Light for Riley.

Catherine said they still receive vile comments years after Riley’s death.

“[F**k] you, Hughes family,” one Facebook user wrote on the Light for Riley page.

“What a [f**king] evil whore you really are,” another user wrote to them in a private Facebook message.

Another Facebook user was more succinct.

“Please die,” the user wrote in a private message.

“A lot of them come from the position that they have children that were vaccine-injured,” Catherine said. “But a fair chunk of them are just haters.”

The professor

Grieving mothers aren’t the only targets of anti-vaxer abuse.

Dorit Reiss, a professor at UC Hastings School of Law, has received countless vile messages, and as with the mothers, many of the messages are gender-oriented. Over the years, she’s become pretty blasé about it.

“‘Whore’ is pretty normal,” said Reiss, a pro-vaccine advocate who has written extensively about vaccines. “I’ve also been called a [c**t].”

Sometimes Reiss, who is Jewish, receives comments that mention the Holocaust.

One Facebook user made a meme with a photo of her father with “Proud Supporter of the Vaccine Holocaust.” Reiss says her father has nothing to do with vaccines.

Another meme shows a photo of Reiss holding her infant son and it says that Reiss is “FORCE-injecting” her baby with vaccines.

Below the photo is written: “Because one holocaust wasn’t enough.”

Other Facebook users have said her children look sick in photos, and that vaccines are clearly to blame.

“The Boy [sic] appears lethargic,” one user wrote, with “dark circles under his eyes. These are common precipitants of vaccine induced immune damage and suppression, as well as vaccine induced transient ischemic adverse event.”

Of all the various messages from anti-vaxers, Reiss said the one that angered her the most was a voicemail left for her husband on his work phone.

“If I hear or see anything written by your wife after today, I will release your phone number, your work phone number, your work address, her work address, her work phone number,” the caller said, correctly reciting their phone numbers and home address.

The doctors

Three pediatricians who are vocal vaccine advocates have also been frequent targets of anti-vaxers. All three now have security escorts when they speak publicly.

Dr. Paul Offit keeps a fat folder of nasty messages he’s received so that “if someone kills me, my wife can give it to the police.” He does not laugh when he says this.

“Rot in hell you baby killer,” one user wrote in an email to Offit, who is director of the Vaccine Education Center at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and professor of pediatrics at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania.

“Go [f**king] kill yourself,” another wrote.

Dr. Peter Hotez at the Baylor College of Medicine in Houston is a vaccine researcher who wrote a book about his daughter called “Vaccines did not Cause Rachel’s Autism.”

“You have no morals whatsoever and you know that you are a [f**king] liar. I hope you rot in hell,” one anti-vaxer emailed Hotez, a professor of pediatrics and dean of the National School of Tropical Medicine at Baylor.

Users on the social media platform MeWe discussed an upcoming public meeting Hotez was expected to attend.

“Maybe if we cause him enough stress he’ll have a heart attack before [Wednesday],” one woman wrote, adding, “#sorrynotsorry.”

Dr. Richard Pan, a pediatrician and a California state senator, spearheaded a successful attempt to get rid of vaccine exemptions for personal or religious reasons for schoolchildren in his state. He’s frequently been the target of race-driven abuse by anti-vaxers on Facebook.

He says he’s received thousands of hateful messages from anti-vaxers.

“Chinese garbage,” one user wrote on Pan’s Facebook page, followed by vomiting and devil emojis. “Most ignorant [a**hole].”

“I hope they stone you to death,” another Facebook user wrote. “I’ll make a special trip to happily watch your head crack. The parents of the children you are destroying should each get a chance. Like a nazi piñata.”

Some of the professionals and the mothers interviewed for this story said they reported the abusive messages they received to Facebook. Most of those who made reports said they received an automated response and in the end nothing changed. Others said after they made a report the sender was suspended from Facebook for a short period of time, or their offensive messages were removed.

Others said they didn’t report to Facebook because the process was onerous or they’d heard that it wouldn’t change anything.

A Facebook spokesperson responded to these concerns:

“We try to empower our users with controls, such as blocking other users and moderating comments, so they can limit their exposure to unwanted, offensive or hurtful content. We also encourage people to report bullying behavior on our platform, so we can review the content and take proper action,” the spokesperson wrote in an email.

“We want members of our community to feel safe and respected on Facebook and will remove material that appears to purposefully target private individuals with the intention of degrading or shaming them.”

The spy

Erin Costello, a former bartender and current stay-at-home mom in Utica, New York, is the “Ron” who texted the grieving mother in the Midwest, warning her to expect more anti-vaxer attacks. Costello is an administrator for the pro-vaccine Facebook page “What’s the Harm?”

Costello is one of several vaccine advocates who’ve set up so-called “sock puppet” or fake Facebook accounts and then joins the closed anti-vaxer groups to spy on them.

She said she often sees members discussing posts by parents of sick or dead children, sometimes suggesting that members “educate” those parents by posting on their page.

For example, a member of the anti-vaccine group Stop Mandatory Vaccination said a mother had posted that her baby had suffered seizures after receiving vaccines.

The anti-vaxer urged others in the group to “comment for her to read! I want to win this mom over and she really trusts her pediatrician but at the same time she is scared!”

Another member of Stop Mandatory Vaccination re-posted a post by Catherine Hughes, the mother who’d lost her child to a vaccine-preventable disease, calling for others to vaccinate their children.

“Anyone want to chime in on this post?” the anti-vaxer wrote.

Another member responded, “I feel sorry for the lost baby and her other children but someone needs to inject her with vaccines until she dies.”

A mother’s greatest fear

When she sees anti-vaxers talking about parents in their closed groups, Costello, the online pro-vaccine spy, gets in touch with those parents to warn them they may be getting nasty messages from the anti-vaxers.

When Costello reached out to the mother in the Midwest, she explained why she was contacting her.

“I know you’re likely getting many horrible messages on Facebook right now,” Costello wrote to the mother. “Children such as [yours] are the reason why I do my part to fight for overwhelming acceptance of vaccines as well as fight against the lies and misinformation that are recklessly spread around against vaccines.”

The mother wrote back.

“I appreciate the strong role you take in helping protect families like mine,” she said.

After hundreds of Facebook comments from anti-vaxers, the mother turned off comments on her page, and deleted many of the ones she received.

Some are still in her head, though. She weeps as she remembers the one that was hardest to read.

“The ones that said this was a fake story. That he wasn’t real. That my child didn’t exist,” she said. “Because when your child dies, that’s the biggest fear — that he will be forgotten.”

from FOX 4 Kansas City WDAF-TV | News, Weather, Sports https://fox4kc.com/2019/03/19/her-son-died-and-then-anti-vaxers-attacked-her/

from Kansas City Happenings https://kansascityhappenings.wordpress.com/2019/03/19/her-son-died-and-then-anti-vaxers-attacked-her/

[brulermag]

20 Times GOP Proved To Be Something Out Of a Horror Movie

Once upon a time, Congress was a place where we elected government officials to do their jobs. Each state elected men and women to fulfill the will of the land and of its people for their better interest. Today, it seems that all of that has taken a turn for the worse; In fact, The Republican Congress has become something out of a horror movie...doing and saying things that would freak anyone out. I don't mean just passing strange bills and laws. Well...here are 20 examples:

20. The Time The Trump Administration Compared Trump to Jesus: In December of 2016, almost a month after Trump's nefarious win for presidency, The Republican Party put out a Christmas message that seemed extremely odd and apocalyptic: "The message reads: “Merry Christmas to all! Over two millennia ago, a new hope was born into the world, a Savior who would offer the promise of salvation to all mankind. Just as the three wise men did on that night, this Christmas heralds a time to celebrate the good news of a new King.” No, this is not something out of "The Omen" this ACTUALLY happened. When confronted, The RNC denied it and deflected. Here is the article: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/donald-trump-gop-rnc-republican-christmas-message-new-king-jesus-christ-a7495951.html

19. Senate Votes To Shut Up Elizabeth Warren: In a shocking turn of events that proved America is no longer a Democracy, The Republican Party said Warren was violating Senate rules by reading a letter by Coretta Scott King. The letter spoke about Sessions (who at the time was being installed in The Justice Department) who in 1986 was implored by Ms. King to be denied a life appointment on the federal bench. "Nevertheless, she persisted" became a viral phenom, with people all over the world championing Elizabeth Warren, even though she was told to be silent. https://www.politico.com/story/2017/02/elizabeth-warren-sessions-silence-234779

18. The RNC Endorses An Accused Pedophile: Roy Moore, a controversial racist running for Alabama Senate, was accused of pedophilia by many women. Because of the world we live in and how Trump gets away with everything, Moore seemed to follow suit and say that the parents of the girls were okay with him being with them. He then stood with his off the rocker wife and continued his bid for The Alabama Senate. Immediately, Trump backed Moore and so did The RNC. It seemed like some crazy John Grisham novel but the truth is, this all really happened!! Though Roy Moore did not win, he did appear on a horse like the fucking nutcase that he is; and ironically, almost half of Alabama did vote for him which proves how fucked up this country is. https://www.politico.com/story/2017/12/04/trump-support-roy-moore-277771

17. The RNC Tries To Murder Obamacare: In an act of defiance and totalitarianism, The Republican Party tried greedily to murder off Obamacare simply to say they did it. In an ongoing effort to taint the name of President Obama and erase his legacy, The RNC tried and tried and tried to brutally murder Obamacare even if it meant millions would be without healthcare. They even introduced something absurd like "A Skinny Bill" to choke out Obamacare but to no prevail. It seems there was not one Republican in office that could write something legible, plausible or real, proving that The RNC was full of duds. Male & Female Conservatives who were willing to be cutthroat and band together even against the will of The People. It didn't work. It failed miserably. https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-healthcare/republicans-fail-again-to-kill-off-obamacare-in-senate-idUSKCN1C00BT

16. Puerto Rico SUFFERS: While The Caribbean is no stranger to hurricanes, storms and cyclones, Hurricane Maria proved that destruction had a new name. Hurricane Maria was the worst natural disaster on record in Dominica & Puerto Rico. Maria was the third costliest hurricane in history with a whopping 99.45 billion dollars in damage. And because Puerto Rico belongs to America, we waited for Trump and Congress to react. There was nothing for weeks. Then suddenly, after a Twitter war with a very disheartened and concerned Mayor of San Juan, Trump appeared in Puerto Rico without even giving Mayor Carmen Yulin Cruz the time of day. Mayor Cruz was the ONLY government official in Puerto Rico making the rounds in the news trying to get America and the world to react to Puerto Rico's devastation. Trump didn't give a fuck. Instead, he met with other officials and threw paper towels at The Puerto Rican People. YES, this happened. Since 2018, 26 people have committed suicide because of Hurricane Maria. When Americans were polled, most of them didn't even know Puerto Ricans were American Citizens. TRAGIC STUPIDITY.  http://www.newsweek.com/puerto-rico-mental-health-hurricane-maria-us-780062

15. Let's Ignore A Supreme Court Nominee: Before Obama left office, he nominated a wonderful judge for The Supreme Court on March 16th, 2016 named Merrick Garland. He was suppose to replace Antonin Scalia. The RNC, hellbent on ignoring Obama and obstructing justice, ignored the Garland nomination for almost 9 months. When Trump came into office, they showed their true colors and immediately voted in Neil M. Gorsuch.

14. TWILIGHT ZONE @ THE WHITE HOUSE: When Trump came into power, Government websites suddenly went dark. LGBTQ Rights? Gone. Climate Change? Gone. Civil Rights Page? Gone. In what seemed like a deliberately calculated move by a Totalitarian Administration, Trump's Party made it clear they were not interested in moving forward. https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/2017/live-updates/politics/live-coverage-of-trumps-inauguration/civil-rights-page-also-deleted-from-white-house-website/?utm_term=.3956314659e4

13. Evangelical Zealots: In what seemed like a sign of the end times, a photo of Trump appeared with various pastors and preachers laying hands on him. Their total devotion and honor to Trump raised red flags and seemed extremely strange, given that Trump has been a habitual liar, cheater, saboteur and non-Christian. It seemed that Trump's strange Hitler-like qualities appealed to Church leaders. In fact, one Trump supporter was quoted as saying he trusted Trump more than Jesus Christ. In what feels like an H.P. Lovecraft novel, Trump has become as symbolic to Christians than Christ himself...which proves that the devil is indeed a deceiver. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2017/07/12/photo-surfaces-of-evangelical-pastors-laying-hands-on-trump-in-the-oval-office/?utm_term=.17d74abf78cb

12. Kellyanne Con Artist: If Trump and The RNC are the power players in this Creepy New America, Kellyanne is the devout disciple. A woman from Camden NJ who's credentials are as elusive as her credibility, Kellyanne has managed to mind fuck Americans and the world with her complete and utter bullshit. Time and again, she has done the masterful spinning of silliness and has taken everyone to task for it. She has appeared on countless shows lying, scheming, scamming and spinning so hard that she has been compared to The Crypt keeper from Tales From The Crypt. In a smug fashion, Kellyanne has managed to have people repeat her bullshit and believe it. Even the people that hate her the most can't deny she is a master of disaster. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/04/kellyannes-alternative-universe/517821/

11. The Great MUSLIM Scare: Though the majority of mass shootings and terrorist attacks in America are done by Americans and White Men, Trump and his warped RNC/followers have convinced the world that Muslims should be banned and that they are the true devils. Not since Hitler has there been such true raw hatred of races until now. White men attacking minorities and telling them to go back to their countries, rogue conservative reporters pushing the racist agendas; America is slowly becoming a cesspool of hate. And yet, The RNC has not condemned Trump or his leadership in all of this. Even banning countries he knows nothing about. http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-38781302

10. Hiel Trump!: In what seems like the freakiest and most sinister RNC Party, Conservatives have been seen raising their arm in Hitler salute fashion, using outdated racist terms and uniting in solidarity for racist goals. In rallies that STILL go on for Trump, his supporters pretend to care about jobs and money but secretly support an Aryan cause. It's pretty clear that most Trump Supporters are worshipping Trump. What really seems fucking nutty is the influx of white men marching for White Supremacy and having speaking engagements at colleges and Universities. It's pretty clear that America is having a turn for the worst and yet no one is really saying or doing anything. Is this how it began in Germany?

9. The GREAT SILENCE: During Obama's last days it seemed like Black Lives Matter was really solidifying itself in The New Civil Rights Movement. And though there were plenty of haters and a few bad apples, Black men, women and children (among other races) were standing up for the victims of police brutality, for marginalized minorities and for progress in America. And just like that, they disappeared. Trump's volatile candidacy and disastrous presidency snuffed the flame of Black Lives Matter, leaving us to wonder what happened? There were rumors that some of the leaders of the movement decided to "leave this mess for the white people" and yet some people said BLM just faded away. Read this racist article put out by Newsweek to understand that perhaps the true reason BLM is gone is because they're afraid to be new victims of this Fascist Dictatorship America. http://www.newsweek.com/black-lives-matter-protests-police-646050

8. Shithole Countries: One of the most horrific things to come out of this pathetic excuse for a presidency is a comment Trump made in front of many leaders. He called Haiti and Africa shithole countries and suggested we let in people from Norway instead. And what didn't surprise anyone was the outpour of support and defending of Trump, leading washed out attention seeker racist Tomi Lahren to say that we should admit they ARE shithole countries. This coming from a young woman who says things for clickbait with ZERO credibility. That an American President would scoop to that level....WOW. Disgraceful. http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/11/politics/immigrants-shithole-countries-trump/index.html

7. The Financial Martyrs: Once again, riding on the coattails of absolute power and Trump's Twitter distractions, The RNC managed to fuck Americans over with a bill to help The Top 1%. Not even sugarcoating it, The Republican Congress has proven to be enemies of The People, simply pushing their Capitalistic agendas and this shitty Budget Bill. And of course, right after, Trump decries that corporations should have inflation to distract from the fuck over Americans got. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/01/us/politics/senate-tax-bill-debate-vote.html

6. Congress Pushes Out 1 Million Minorities Of Color: In what IS and not what feels like Ethnic Cleansing, Trump and his pet Congress are aiming at making America Whiter Again. In efforts to use every excuse in the book to extinguish minorities from America, The GOP seems onboard to manipulate "Legal" immigration to only White Countries. In a perfect world we would have banned together ages ago and toppled over this racist government, but it seems Americans are just shrugging and tweeting too much rather than reacting. http://www.latimes.com/politics/la-na-pol-trump-gop-immigration-20180112-story.html

5. Appointments: In the beginning, when Trump won his presidency seat aka One of America's Darkest Days In History, it seemed like The Republican Congress was pushing out Administration appointees like premature babies. They didn't care if they had credentials, decency or credibility...if they were Capitalists, they were in. And in what seemed like one of the diciest and shadiest moves in Congress history, with the speed of lightning, we got The Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos...someone with no real knowledge of Education or what it takes to move America's Education System forward. And while this slime bucket slithered in, there were plenty who were complete fools who never got the nod and some who declined, to lessen the social suicide of it all. But here are some of the rotten apples that managed to get a spot: Steven Mnuchin, Jeff Sessions, Ben Carson and Ellen Chao....all of whom are failing miserably at what they're doing. But this only proves that A Republican world is one where we will never move forward ever.

4. GOP's Obsession with Women's Bodies & Lives: For some creepy reason, GOP have been adamant about telling women what to do and not do. It has started with abortion and is creeping into other things. It seems like white older men want to dictate American women's personal decisions which infringes upon their rights. But it doesn't seem like they care. Nutcase zealots like Huckabee and Cruz have been very vocal about putting their foot on the rights of women. Women, however, had something to say which lead to a National Women's March and Time's Up. In fact, 2017 & 2018 have been big years for women: speaking up against wage gaps/rights, sexual harassment, rape, their bodies and choices and political choices. Women have decided they were not going to be silenced any longer. https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/01/21/womens-march-aims-start-movement-trump-inauguration/96864158/

3. Trump Gets Loyalty: Anyone living in America on either side of the political party knows one thing for sure: there is a sadistic undying loyalty from The GOP to Trump. They do so willingly and are aware that if Trump were to ever leave office, they'd be stuck with Pence who is as entertaining and a leader as a lead pencil sharpener. And if Pence ever left, once we found out he colluded with Russia as well, we'd be stuck with the most annoying Speaker ever: Paul Ryan as president. If you thought GOP was trash, imagine him running it. But there's something very AntiChrist about the lengths The GOP is willing to go to turn a blind eye. It doesn't even feel like its about passing laws or bills. It's something more. The last time a party was that loyal to a fault, was Hitler's Party. And if we don't wise up, we will live to regret it.

2. FOX NEWS: The Shithole Of News Channels: In what has been a blatant disregard for facts, morals, responsibilities or an ounce of dignity, Fox News decided to show its true colors the minute Trump came into office, ignoring all the bad things he says and does and only kisses his ass so that they get the GOP ratings. If anyone has ever truly sold their soul to The Devil, Fox News has sold more than that. The fact that no one has ever investigated Fox News as a state sponsored channel run by our new dictator government makes me nervous. This channel is a spawn of hell with disgraced journalists scheming up ways to scream at Liberals and completely fucking up the news. If I worked there, I'd run for the hills and save my reputation. It's only a matter of time before it all blows up in their faces.

1. Trump Is STILL In Office & Nobody Knows Why: After every scandal, lie, tweet, disrespect, lack of a moral compass, sign of illness, racist remark, lack of intelligence or track record, Trump is STILL here. His children are still shadowy figures in the background, being the creepy assholes they've always been. Jared Kushner is still the puppet master and The GOP Congress is still pretending like nothing is wrong. Trump has managed to let his crazy followers and ideas get under people's skin, making them unaware that he is clearly manipulating the left into anger. Trump is winning, despite his illegality and his scams....The American Government is standing by him, on his every word, worshipping him hand and foot. They were waiting patiently for someone like him to ruin America and they're standing by helping him. The most criminal and complicit cabinet and Congress ever. But soon....we'll reclaim OUR time.

By: Xavii Matisse ©

XAVII MATISSE

JANUARY 14, 2018

#GOP #Trump

[mariacontipsu-blog]

ACTION

There are many definitions of the word “action,” but the definition that resonates with me is that it is a step towards accomplishing a specific goal or purpose. To me, this means that it is something done purposefully to generate a  specific outcome. People may believe they have very strong morals and ethical values, but it is hard to see if those are really the guidelines that decide our daily behavior. Being home this weekend, I was thinking about what I was going to do this summer to make money. After looking at different job opportunities, and thinking about what I’ve done during previous summers, I decided that I want to spend most of my time volunteering. I would like to split my time between volunteering for a local animal shelter, Animal Friends, and a nursing home for the elderly, St. Barnabas. This is an “action” that I will take to better my community and also better myself. This is a choice that lines up with the type of person I would like to be in the future, someone who chooses to help people, instead of working solely for a paycheck. This wasn't a very easy decision for me, because being a college student, I don’t have a lot of extra money to spend. But I know that this decision will leave me feeling better than the hostessing job that I held, last summer. Our actions define who we are. I think that when we decide the path we would like to take, we have to step back and see if we are being influenced by unconscious biases, we must decide the goal that we are trying to accomplish, and we should decide who will be benefiting from this action. 

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/19/opinion/more-community-service-not-less.html

In an article published by the New York Times, the Editorial Board discusses the proposed budget cuts for deferral funding of community service. These budget cuts would affect underprivileged schools, communities, and community service organizations on a grand scale and would produce only a very small chance in the National Budget. This would hurt communities who are already suffering financially, and would lessen the help that volunteers are able to give to these communities. This money would then be put towards an action that the Federal Government considers more important than helping those in need. 

https://theglobalobservatory.org/2017/08/tunisia-violence-against-women-law/

This second article, published by the Global Observatory, breaks apart Tunisia’s new law that protects women against domestic abuse. While this is a step towards equality, it amazes me that this action is only being taken now. Discrimination and violence against women is something that should not require a law for people to see that it is not right. I believe that the environment that people grow up in creates the unconscious biases that lead to this discrimination and the tendency to turn a blind eye to these issues. Even if someone does not personally show disrespect towards women, ignoring knowledge of domestic abuse and mistreatment is just as damaging. This new law will be a step towards the elimination of this issue, but in this case, it is bystanders duty to take ACTION to fight those who ignore the law. If people don’t actively report cases of domestic abuse and ask about situations where they believe this may be occurring, the effects of this new law will not be able to help the women who really need it. 

https://onbeing.org/programs/marie-howe-the-power-of-words-to-save-us-may2017/

“Action has become what we say,” Ms. Howe states, in “The Power of Words to Save Us.” She discusses the power of words and also the power of silence. In today’s society, “taking action” means speaking out against things that are unethical and working against issues of discrimination, sexism, racism, and other social issues. Howe uses poetry to attempt to bring voice to issues that are not often discussed. Minorities often experience being “silenced,” stopped from bringing their mistreatment to light and having their opinions invalidated. The power of speaking out and showing your support can give communities the encouragement that they need to work towards equality for genders, races, religions, and other groups of people. Words are important because they touch us in ways that physical actions do not. They have the power to reach your emotions and can become the mantra for suffering individuals. The simple act of voicing your support or opinion can open people’s minds to the possibility of ideas that they may have not grown up believing. 

https://onbeing.org/programs/pico-iyer-the-art-of-stillness/

In this podcast, Pico Iyer discusses the art of silence. He delves into his experiences of traveling with the Dalai Lama and the importance of stillness and just being. He explains the Dalai Lama’s opinion of the importance of deepening your roots in your beliefs and truly coming to know yourself. I interpreted this podcast to be about truly being present and your daily life and consciously observing your surroundings. When you choose to take action, you should not act out of impulse, because these actions may be hindered by unconscious biases and generalizations. Every decision that we make has a rippling effect, and we must recognize who is being affected by our decisions and if the outcome is something that we wish for. We may view something as insignificant, but taking time to be still, to meditate, and come back to our roots, we can be less affected by the issues to society and be guided instead by our moral compass. 

Even though I do try to consciously take action to produce positive outcomes, when you are faced with so many daily decisions, it is easy to fall into a path that you did not intend. A conscious action that I take on a daily basis is to try and recognize when I am affected by biases and assumptions. Ever since learning about unconscious biases in class, it is something that I try to step back and recognize. By doing this, I try to become aware of myself and the things that affect my thoughts and actions. In life, it is important to be aware of your surroundings and conscious of societal issues, even if they do not directly affect you. Even though you are only one person, every action that you take can affect another person in either a positive or negative way. For example, during my time volunteering, I hope to have a positive impact on the people and the animals that I encounter, even if it is only for a short period of time. After reading these articles and podcasts, I feel I have better tools to be able to make decisions that represent my beliefs and value. I will try to take more time to be “still” and come to terms with my own behavior and if it mirrors what I want my behavior to be. I will try to be silent and take in all of my surroundings, both physical and the societal issues that affect those around me, instead of acting impulsively. Lastly, I will try to use my voice to actively support the causes that I support, because it is ignorant to believe that these communities will benefit if no one speaks out. For example, with the federal budget issue, if no one voiced their disapproval, the act may be passed without a second glance, leading many communities and organizations to further suffering. These are important things to consider, when dealing with issues of minorities, sexism, violence against women, racism, and other issues in our world. 

[fallen-drow]

1

1: Alpha-gal and who I am Let’s press this bitch. Salutations! My name is Dorothy Jane Oliver-Finnegan and I am currently 26 years-young. Before we get too deep into my life, I want to issue a fair warning. I am blunt and honest. I don’t sugar-coat things because I believe it is a waste of time. I swear like a sailor and may be one of the most sarcastic people you meet. I’ll try to write sarcastic statements in Italics. Writing about me is difficult because I don’t know where to begin. So let’s begin with the basics: the start! “Humble” beginnings, if you will. I lived my first 7 years in Carmel, IN. For those of you not familiar with Carmel, IN: It’s a snobby town. Carmel has more money than it knows what to do with. Well that may not be true; they removed all of the 4-way stop signs and replaced them with roundabouts. Carmel also houses many of the government officials and other important people. For instance – my neighbors in Carmel were Former-Vice President Dan Quail (you know, the potato guy) and Mr. Simon. Mr. Simon owned the Pacers and all of the Simon Malls. But please don’t assume that I grew up wealthy, because I did not grow up with money. My house was a small white ranch, which was falling apart. It was my maternal grandparent’s home and where I spent most of my childhood. When I was 8, we moved to Noblesville, IN. Noblesville was an up and coming area. My mother works for a home-builder and her company built our home. We were the second house built in our subdivision and one of the biggest. The home in Noblesville was like a mansion compared to the home in Carmel. It has three floors, including a full basement. 7 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, Living, Family, Dining rooms, and a huge kitchen: the house is huge! I stayed in Noblesville until I went to college. I went to Manchester COLLEGE. They can call in a University all they want, but it will always be MC for me. I graduated in three years with a degree in Sociology with a concentration in Criminal Justice and a minor in Psychology. MC is in North Manchester, IN – which is 40 minutes southwest of Fort Wayne, IN. I lived there for 2 years after I graduated with my partner. Then we moved down to Spencer, IN. Spencer is 30 minutes northwest of Bloomington, IN. Currently, I live on 10 acres of wooded wonderland. I love the location of my current home and plan to live there until I’m an old lady. We currently have 20+ chickens, 4 dogs, 4 cats, and 1 fish. It’s my personal paradise. Other basic information: Height: 5’7 ½” Weight: Yeah right Favorites: Color: Royal Purple/Black Animal: Crow Food: Sushi Song: Mad World Past time: Sims 3, drawing, and gardening Show to watch: Reality/Game Shows Hair color: Naturally Brown, but I dye it often Eye color: Hazel – blue/green Okay, enough of that. Let’s talk about Galactose-alpha-1,3-galactose, or Alpha-gal. You can always Google what it means but basically: I’m allergic to ALL red meats. It can also be called Mammalian Meat Allergy (MMA). People with MMA have and overload of immunoglobulin E or IgE. That’s a big word. Let’s break it down. Any immunoglobulin is an anti-body. Immunoglobulin E is ONLY found in mammals. IgE is normally the lowest anti-body in your system, but it is responsible for the most intense reactions (hives, anaphylactic shock, etc.). So my blood is over-flowing with IgE and because of this I cannot eat red meat. IgE attacks the protein in the red meat and causes me to have severe allergic reactions. I’ll share some of my experiences later. What classifies as a red meat? Well just about everything besides poultry and fish. It does include: beef, pork, and any wild game. Pork is NOT the other white meat. I cannot have: steak, bacon, deer, rabbit, lamb, goat, and much more. But it’s not just red meat. It’s everything associated with red meat animals. I cannot have dairy either if it comes from a cow. No cheese, sour cream, cream cheese, buttercream frosting, caramel, ice cream, etc. Also most people allergic to pork are allergic to cats. Remember that I have four cats and four dogs? Well now, I’m allergic to them. My eyes itch and swell shut. I was playing with a kitten, and she licked my hand and scratched me: my whole hand, wrist, and forearm broke out in hives. When I tell people this, the normal reaction is: “Oh man that sucks!” or “No BACCON!?!?” For me it isn’t all that bad. When I was in college, I was vegan. It wasn’t until I hooked up with my wife that I started eating dairy and meat again. She got me with smoked Gouda. So I figured I’d go back to being vegan. Well, it’s not so easy when your best friend makes the MOST AMAZING smoked pork shoulder. Not to mention, we just bought a farm. We were going to get pigs and other animals for food. Now we have 10 beautiful acres, and no need to farm animals. The second question I get is how I knew to be tested for MMA. Well it all started when we moved down here. My wife and I are research fanatics. If we see something we don’t understand or don’t know. We’ll spend an entire day researching the topic and share what we have found with each other. This happened with ticks. When we bought our property, we went hiking and of course found a few ticks on us because we live in deer country. Then it was on like Donkey Kong. My wife and I spent hours and days researching ticks and the different types of ticks that live in our area. One of my wife’s good friends has Lyme disease. She lives in southern Indiana. So we wanted to protect ourselves. I found a red tick with a white dot on me. It wasn’t attached and I pulled it from my pants to look closer at it. I though the tick was oddly colored for being in the woods. Red would be an easy color for predators to find amongst all of the browns and greens. So I researched this little fella. Turns out it was a Lone Star Tick. Again you could Google all about this tick, but I’ll sum it up for you. Lone Star Ticks originated in Texas, but have migrated up the Mississippi River and are now in Indiana and the Midwest region of the United States. They do not transmit Lyme disease, but they transmit MMA. I thought this was interesting and remember it. Ya know, for Jeopardy or Trivial Pursuit. And then something happened. The wife and I still have a home in North Manchester that we want to sell. So we went up there to get some things from the house. On the road, we stopped at a McDonald’s for some food. I don’t remember what I got, but I know it was probably a hamburger. A few hours after I ate it, I experienced the worst heart-burn ever. I thought I might be having a heart attack it was so painful. The pain lasted the rest of the night and I felt I couldn’t move. The next day, I assumed that the McDonald’s we went to had bad patties or something else made me sick. A few months later, we were at a friend’s house. She made tri-tip steak on the grill. It was delicious. A few hours later, we were sitting on their back deck and I noticed that I was covered in hives. I was itchy, struggled to breath, and continued to form more and more hives. My friend decided that she was going to “fix” me with a lot of apple crown and anti-itch lotion. Well, I could no longer feel my face, so it worked! I didn’t know what was happening. Later that night, I woke up in a panic because I couldn’t breathe. My wife stated that if I got worse she would take me to the ER. The next day, I was fine. Like nothing happened. I stopped eating ground beef after that, because it seemed that everything was revolving around ground beef. I continued on. I ate steak, but I cut all of the fat off because I was concerned that I was allergic to beef fat. I had no reactions. Then on September 24, 2016, I; my wife; and my mother went out to a restaurant and I ordered prime rib – rare. It was so good… We went home and I noticed that I had heart burn again. I blamed it on the horseradish. Then, I was covered in hives. I felt so sick. I couldn’t move. I scared my mom. She tried to do everything to make me better, but nothing was working. I then decided no beef at all. When I was vegan, one of my favorite snacks was/is Oreos. I love them. And like most people, I had a glass of milk. When I finished my Oreos, I drank my milk. Almost instantly, I started coughing. I could feel my throat closing. I was scared. Then I was covered in hives. More hives than ever before. I was one giant hive. I even had hives between my toes and in my mouth. I looked over to my wife for help. She didn’t know what to do. She fed me Benadryl and we went to bed. I remember struggling to breathe and thinking that I was going to die, but I didn’t want to scare my wife so I laid in silence. When I woke up the next day, I was sore and still covered in hives. It took me two days to recover. That’s when I made the appointment with the allergist. My tests came back positive for alpha-gal. My allergist was surprised that I knew what to look for and asked her to test me for something specific. Research does pay off. My allergist stated there are less than 3,000 reported cases in the United States of MMA. When I first discovered that I had this allergy, I was in shock. Then shock turned into anger and then sadness. I felt depressed. I love steak. I love prime rib. I love pork. I dislike chicken and turkey. I “like” fish. What was I going to do? My wife does not have MMA. She can eat whatever she wants. And I want her too. When we go out, she constantly apologizes for getting a steak, while I’m eating plain pasta. But she doesn’t have to suffer because I can’t eat what she can. I felt alone. Less than 3,000 people have this allergy. There is an online chat group, but it’s not something that helps me. I know what I can and cannot have. The people online just warn others about the dangers of soy intake and other issues that pop up. There is no cure. This allergy will last a life time. I will never “get better”. I have enough to worry about besides the fact that if I take in too much soy, I’m going to get ovarian cancer or breast cancer. My life will never be the same. But I’m optimistic. I’m hopeful. Nothing is doom and gloom. It’s gonna be okay. This is my journey with alpha-gal.