#me too ;w;

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[stuckinapril]

lived my whole life in guilt bc i thought i was responsible for people's feelings. newly realizing that other people are responsible for their feelings and reactions, even if they make it seem like i'm the problem. a lot of the time it really has to do w them and their own emotional regulation. i can't keep thinking i'm not allowed to have space bc of other people's insecurities. like i literally refuse to dim myself. other people are responsible for their feelings just as i'm responsible for mine.

#like i'm always gonna operate from a place of kindness but i've had to deal w so many people who're bad at communication/confrontation #which led me to think i'm the problem #that i deserve to be given the silent treatment or dismissed disregarded belittled etc #that's j not true. i'm far from perfect but i think so few people deserve that kind of reaction. and my biggest revelation is i do not #even if people want to make me think i do / that their reaction is justified / that i'm a burden etc #my biggest problem is i humor people like this for too long bc it's been normalized behavior to me #does this make any sense to anyone. it's the end of the year and i'm reflecting on so many things #p

[menelaiad]

the infamous 'last sighting of a barbary lion in the wild' photo taken by marcelin flandrin (1925) haunts me to my core. there's something so achingly poetic about it.

#this is so random for me but i saw this the other night and it genuinley hasnt left my brain #there's a lot of debate around this subspecies and whether they are #extinct or w/e #hence my wording BUT #this photo and that kinda ....... 'last one in the wild' fact has sTUCK with me #so small. in the space. so alone. walking away. leaving their prints behind. #it honestly nearly moves me to tears if i think about it too much #straight up put this in my drafts last night and now it makes me TOO emotional

[forestofsprites]

i think that sometimes the best thing that you can do is remind yourself that there are beaches. lakes, rivers, and ponds. there are forests. little woods and meadows. there are canyons. gullies and mountain cliffs. there are rainy days. dry spells and scorching blue skies. that the world turns. changes as much as it repeats. that feeling slow today won't stop tomorrow's high tide. won't make july's blackberries any less ripe

#i do think there's a comfort in knowing the world won't stop for me #that me feeling off kilter doesn't mean spring will come any slower #i suppose. when life feels out of our hands. out of control #the planet keeps doing its thing #and we will be there to meet it #to engage w it. to witness it. to make changes where and when we can #too much change lately!!!!!! too much life out of my hands!!! #thoughts

[mroddmod]

everyone be quiet i'm manifesting

#the bad batch #tbb #star wars #star wars the bad batch #sw tbb #tbb omega #tbb wrecker #tbb crosshair #tbb echo #tbb tech #tbb hunter #mods art #mods draws #my art #YAYYYYY ITS DONE #i've been tinkering w this for like a couple weeks now i think #just on and off #whenever i was nervous about their fates or just generally sad about them i would work on this #it was supposed to make me feel better but it would usually just make me more sad 😭😭 #but i still really like how it turned out!!! so that's cool #very self indulgent but!!! whatever #i think i'll add this to my inprnt soon too :) so keep a look out for that i guess lol #okay byeeeeee #ALSO THE NEW EP WAS SO GOOD #okay bye fr

[dottie-n-stripes]

ode to a game that changed my life and introduced me to a world that has been very near and dear to me since... good night wiiu 😴

#man...................... #to think a lot of u have been here w me from the very beginning too aough. ty for the memories and heres to more #splatoon #splatoon 1 #draws

[canisonicscrewyou]

#if your regular sleep med of choice is Benadryl I’m afraid of you #Idek what my answer is though??? probably melatonin. it helps a lot when I need to fix my sleep schedule #sleep soundly <3333 #I also sometimes take ashwaganda if it’s not too expensive or is mixed w other stuff. and drink sleepy teas but not necessarily JUST tosleep #I was on olanzapine and that helped my sleep a lot (at the cost of eventually making me feel so so tired during the day) #anyways you must tell me

[buppkizz]

mostly old engiespy doodles, kinda drew most of these for my eyes only but changed me mind today

#holy shit i didnt know u could upload so many pics on tumblr #tf2 #tf2 engineer #tf2 spy #team fortress 2 #engiespy #i wrote out a bunch of crap but nvm lol. i have many thots abt crossfaction in particular...they are fun 2 me #practical espionage #???? #i love happy sunshine eng but i also really love playing w his bitchier side too...all tf2 guys contain multitudes

[petitelappin]

"For a moment or two I could see nothing, as the shadow of a cloud obscured St. Mary’s Church and all around it. Then as the cloud passed I could see the ruins of the abbey coming into view; and as the edge of a narrow band of light as sharp as a sword-cut moved along, the church and the churchyard became gradually visible. Whatever my expectation was, it was not disappointed, for there, on our favourite seat, the silver light of the moon struck a half-reclining figure, snowy white."

Mina and Lucy in the kirkyard at Whitby, August 11th.

#my art #dracula #mina murray #mina harker #lucy westenra #digital art #i realized as i was finishing this up that they look very much like how i draw donna and laura but yknow what? #thats not a bad thing! a lot of parallels! a lot of themes! a lot of trying to save the best friend you are incapable of saving #once again I spent too long looking at old clothing catalogues bc i love the little references mina and lucy make to idea of the new woman #and they def talk about it like an Other but also w a bit of awe and im sure theres a lot to unpack there #but it made me wanna put mina in something new-woman-adjacent #lets get her a little bit leyendecker yknow?

[galaghiel]

—Evan already forgave you. He loves you.

<prev

#fnaf #michael afton #evan afton #fnaf 6 au #me doods #RAAAAA I'M DONE #for this part at least #gonna make a some more mini comics for this au but for different scenes #evan never held it against michael. but he was afraid of his brother for a long time #but fnaf 1 happened and he knows that the strange security guard is somehow his brother. he's seen how much michael has change #and for all that he's scared of michael he still loves him too #evan's just glad that he and lizzy can finally talk and be w michael #tho he's sad that it has reached this point for them

[comradekatara]

it's national draw your sibling day

#id in alt text #avatar the last airbender #atla #katara #sokka #katara&sokka #art #mart #oldergaang #i like to think they get less antagonistic once theyre in their twenties #i also firmly believe w every fibre of my soul that sokka improves his art #(and im coming for anyone who says otherwise in the comments of this post with hammers. jsyk) #also drawing w charcoal is way easier than ink painting. so maybe he realizes that too #also apologies if i butchered the spelling of katara's name i was just working w the wiki but . if its bad u can say its intentional #bc sokka is stupid or whatever idk 😭 #anyway. this ACTUALLY started bc i was thinking about how we never actually see katara draw #but i just KNOW that she would have the most anime art style #dont ask me how i know these things ok i just do #so this whole thing was just an excuse to showcase that . lmao #i worked so hard on this tho. pls clap

[improvapocalyps]

You have 90 minutes to complete. (original poem: r.a.)

In participation of the MCYT Recursive Exchange 2024 hosted by @mcytrecursive!

Inspired by know that all my love will be your breath (i will save you when your lights go out)

[text under cut]

1. Have you ever been in love? (Please circle your answer.) a. It's me and him b. Our hearts beat in sync c. Our lives intertwined

2. Do you understand what you’ve done? (Please circle your answer.) a. I couldn't do anything b. I lost my balance c. I doomed us both

3. It's been god knows how long since you felt phantom hands on your neck and there is no one in sight. If you were soul-bound to him and both of you died at the same time then why are you still waiting in the void? Please answer clearly, in full sentences. (Not a correct answer：I just wanted to see him one more time).

4. Define two (2)： Fate | The feeling of his forehead against yours Curse | The moment you realise he isn't linked to you anymore

5. True or False： i. It was your fault. ii. You wish you had met him under different circumstances. iii. You can’t regret a single moment that you had him. iv. You would do it all over again if you could. v. It ended long before either of you said anything.

thumbnails:

sketch cover thing for imgur link:

#team ranchers #team rancher #rancher duo #jimmy solidarity #tangotek #trafficshipping #mcyt recursive exchange #events #fic fanart #my art #“canary has butterfly-shaped wings it cant do a dramatic spread like that” watch me. (draws dramatic wings) (sorry) #“you have 90 minutes” have been rattling in my brain for so long ever since i suddenly remembering a web weave using it (yes the beeduo one #very glad i can release it (using it in art) from its confines (my mind) #hm i suppose the title would be more in theme if its abt limited life ranchers #← havnt watched limlife yet #but! happy with what i come up with. lil bit proud even #had so much trouble with the panelling and layers in p2 cause it looks too busy (explodes) #also punching the floor bc i only noticed the “yes-no” pair(?) in the original poem when im already half-done w/ the comic #me when making silly comic makes you do poem analysis #i dont even go there ← does not have enough poetic braincells

[alouvrr]

eye of the vulture king

#ahhhh I feel like I drew buddy too innocent here. wish I could give more indicators that he is being manipulated #but all the stuff I drew felt too cheesy! #my art #buddy dawn #kristen applebees #fantasy high #fhjy #d20 #unironically that one minute segment changed my feelings about buddy so bad. evangelicals who die without questioning their faith #make me feel so tragic #trauma bonding w these two would be fun but also consider: he meets helio in the afterlife and see what a wreck his religion is and #wants to help helio out lmao #would be fun

[thirdtimed]

still figuring out how to draw them

#the goal is to draw a mini version of everyone yay #im very happy w the eefo.. #my art #also i actually like drawing grian more with plain white wings but for life series stuff specifically the parrot wings (green/yellow/red) #fit waaaay too well to just pass up lol #which is so funny to me considering that the life series is very much not where the parrot thing originated from at all

[ruenii]

Tim, [pointing his staff at the human traffickers]: YOU ARE OUTGUNNED

Jason, [hyping him up]: WHAT?

Tim: OUTMANNED!

Jason: WHAT?!

Tim: OUTNUMBERED OUTPLANNED

Jason: PAY YOUR FUCKING TAXES!

Tim: PUT YOUR GUNS DOWN ON MY COMMAND

Jason: HAND EM OVER!!

Tim: THIS IS HAMILTON MY RIGHT HAND MAN!

Jason, [getting his guns out]: PWO PWO PWO PWO PWO-

Goons: *shaking* what the FUCK are Batman feeding his partners--

#tim drake #jason todd #dc #batbros #suki drabbles #jason and tim have monthly musical reenactment nights #duke and steph come by as well sometimes #duke slays as angelica #damian sees tim jason and duke act out candy store and bully bruce #needless to say dami hides from them whenever its 'that' time #dick wanted to join them too #jason & tim: sorry but its MIDDLE CHILD only privileges <3 #dick: :( #cass may not be able to say she means sometimes but she supports them nonetheless ^_^ #and by that it means she has fun wrestling w her siblings whenever theres a fight scene #alfred is quietly cheering them on bcos you cannot tell me alfred wasn't a theatre kid #bruce wants join but is too emotionally incompetent to ask #batfam

[lesbianshadowheart]

dont get me wrong cuz I DO appreciate Larian continuing to work on the game and trying to fix issues etc but like. mr Larian PLEASE stop responding to fan feedback. Theres like 2 million people playing this game ofc some of them will say character x should be nicer or cuter or do a little dance but that doesnt mean u gotta do it. you dont gotta call neil newbon or whoever up like come to the studio we need to rerecord everything bc a person on reddit said theyd like it better. You’ve worked on these characters for over 4 years and you are allowed to stand by your creation. None of what I said applies to Wyll’s underdevelopment btw but you all know that

#that post abt halsins #traumatic experience really portrayed this well for me #i wanted to say its fine to add things just dont replace them but #if im being honest even the epilogue felt too fanservicey for me #oh they all had a good ending and lived happily ever after #and had babies w each other and named them gortash cazador potter or whatever #like leave ittt just leaveee ittttt #bg3