#love how everybody is surprised that Carlos is the third one but I love it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

danielxricciardo · 3 years

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Hi girl!! I love everything you’ve wrote! Couldn’t say how much I enjoyed reading one shots of F1 drivers! I have to ask if you could do one for Carlos? He and reader are expecting but keeping it secret, Carlos won the race! And he ask if he could hear her through radio, though with some glitch, all other drivers and teams hear Carlos’ radio, he tells her how he’s so happy with the win but more than anything about their little one on the way and now everyone knows the secret of pregnancy because he suddenly slipped it while talking to her on radio👶🏻 I can’t imagine how will other drivers will congratulate him (like Daniel, Max, Landooooo! Seb! And even Kimi!🤣) I think Lando will be overjoyed and will be presenting to be Godfather already Hahahaha!

Summary: Having a baby and everybody finding out

Warnings: fluff

Word count: 1.5k

You realized that you were pregnant after a series of fortunate events that, individually, you did not take as alarm signals.

One evening, Carlos decided to spare you from cooking dinner and ordered your favorite food from your favorite restaurant. You were very excited to eat it, but when the food arrived you were on the verge of throwing up because of the smell. You told Carlos you couldn't eat, so you just ate an apple and went to bed. The next day, after Carlos left for the gym, you couldn't get away from the toilet because if you took a few steps you would feel like throwing up. However, when your boyfriend came home, you didn't feel so sick anymore, but you didn't tell him what happened to you because you didn't want to worry him.

You had a vague idea that you could be pregnant but you wanted to wait until Carlos leaves for France for the Grand Prix.

The day he left you went to the pharmacy and bought two pregnancy tests.

Positive.

You just sat down and cried. You stared at the positive test for several minutes. Honestly, you were so hormonal and conflicted about the timing that you bawled your eyes out. You were both happy and worried. Carlos was busy with his Formula 1 career, you didn't know if it was appropriate to add a child to the dynamics of your life.

But you recovered immediately. You are talking about Carlos, of course, he will be happy to have a child with you. You've been together for four years, you knew you would be together for the rest of your life.

The next day you did another pregnancy test, just in case. Positive, obviously. You went to the pharmacy again, and you took four more tests, to do one every day until Carlos came home.

"Hey, honey. I missed you," says Carlos entering the house.

You didn't even let him take off his shoes. You handed him a gift box in which you put the six pregnancy tests you took.

"Amor, did I forget an anniversary?"

You nod.

"Open it."

You see him take the lid off the box and take out a pregnancy test. Then another one, and another one, until he took them all out. You could see it on his face, he was scared and overwhelmed.

"Seriously?" he asks.

You nod and bite your lip, a few tears run down your face.

"Amor, that's wonderful! Ay Dios Mio! Are we going to be parents?"

You laugh and kiss him long.

"Yes, we will be parents."

You have scheduled an appointment for the next day to confirm the pregnancy and determine how many weeks you are pregnant. It looks like you're 10 weeks pregnant, so that means month 3 of your pregnancy. You couldn't believe that for almost 3 months you didn't realize you were pregnant, but you always had an irregular cycle, so it's not really incomprehensible.

You and Carlos have decided not to announce publicly that you will have a child just yet. For now, you were happy to share the news with your families, wanting to plan a nice way to tell your friends as well.

You know that feeling you get at certain times of the month when you want to cry at every cheesy commercial or could explode with anger at the drop of a hat? Pregnancy is like that sometimes, except 10 times more intense. With your new hormones raging, and more stress in your life than ever before, what with getting a nursery together and preparing to welcome the precious baby into the world and all, emotions are high. Tempers are bound to flare.

That is how you felt sitting in the paddock with Carlos who was preparing for the race. He was starting from P3 so he was pretty excited and nervous for the race. He saw your state, he knew you too well.

"Ay, mi Amor, come here," he said and hugged you to calm your nerves. "Don't worry, ok? It's an easy race, I'm gonna win it for you and the little bean, ok?"

You giggle at the sound of Carlos's nickname for the baby. You kiss him and smile.

"You know I don't really care about winning. Just come back to us. Safe." you say, your voice barely a whisper, not wanting anyone around you to hear your discussion.

"Si, pequeña. Always."

Sure, you were always concerned when he was racing. But especially now when your hormones were driving you insane and you were growing another person in your body. But you trusted him. With all of your heart. If he said he will come back to you, he will.

It took you a few moments to understand what was happening. Carlos Oñoro was hugging you, yelling 'He won!' and you looked at the screens in front of you. He did. Carlos Sainz was the winner in Monza! He kept his word, he won for you and your child.

"Hey, Y/N!" you hear your name being called by Riccardo Adami, the race engineer of Carlos. "The winner wants to talk to you."

You giggle and go to him. 'The winner'... Has a nice ring to it.

"Hey, baby! Congratulations!" you say excitedly over the radio.

"Si, mi amor! I told you I'm gonna win for our baby! I love you both so much!"

What you didn't know was that there was a glitch over the radio and every driver heard Carlos talking about 'your baby'.

"Aaa, guys? Why am I hearing Carlos over the radio talking about a baby?" Charles asked his race engineer.

"There's a glitch. Come to the garage."

"A baby?!" Lando yells into the radio, making his race engineer flinch. "Was that Carlos saying he is going to have a baby? Oh my God!"

You were waiting for Carlos to come out of his car, being absolutely clueless about the hysteria you two just caused. Carlos was just about to get his helmet out when all the drivers came to you two, yelling congratulations to you both. You looked at Carlos. Did he tell someone about your pregnancy? Did you give it away?

"Uh, thank you but how did you find out?" Carlos asked, clueless as you.

"We heard it over the radio," Kimi responds giving you a genuine smile.

"This is not how I wanted you guys to find out," Carlos said and put an arm over your shoulders, kissing your head. "But, yeah, it is true, we are having a baby."

"Mate, you're having a baby! That is so crazy! You are basically a baby!" Daniel says and hugged you both.

"And who is the godfather?" Lando asked and everyone laughed.

"We just found out two weeks ago, there are still five months to think about it," you say and bit your lip and Lando pouts. "You'll be considered, Lando."

After three months you decided to have a gender reveal for your family and friends. You could have had it a lot sooner but you wanted to be at an appropriate time for everyone. All the drivers came, as well as your family and Carlos's too. You made everyone wear a piece of clothing according to the gender they think your baby is. You were surprised to see the majority of the people being team boy, but as Lewis said 'They just want to make sure the third generations of Sainz is coming in Formula 1' and you know he was right.

"Look, listen to me, I have three kids, ok? I know, for a fact, by the way you are carrying that it is a girl!" Sebastian said and you laughed. He was wearing his pink T-shirt with pride, being 100% sure he is right.

He was.

You were having a girl and you could swear that Carlos cried a little when he saw the pink confetti. He hugged you for a few minutes, being still in shock.

"Una niña pequeña..." he whispered in your ear. "I am not ready."

You laughed and kissed him.

"You are gonna be the best dad ever, don't worry."

"No, I know that. I am not ready for her to date! And she'll go to university, no..."

"Carlos, she is not even been born yet! You have plenty of time to spend with her."

"Hi, guys, sorry to interrupt!" Lando appears near the two of you, making you break apart from your hug. "Did you think about the godfather or... or this is not a good time to ask?"

Everyone heard him and started laughing.

"Mate, remember the bag I gave you when you arrived?" Carlos asked him and Lando nodded. "You can look inside the bag now."

Lando got the bag and inside was a white romper saying 'Will you be my godfather?'

Lando looked at the romper with tears in his eyes.

"Well, if you insist..."

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alchemist-shizun · 5 years

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Do cats exist? Debate.

Or: The Welcome To Night Vale au nobody asked for

Word count: 1,823

Taglist: @bookwormscififan @suffering-is-my-comfort-zone @pistachio-lan @pushussmollworld @be-more-chaotic @quietlypondering

Warnings: None that I can think of, there are references to the 4/9/16 episodes.

Characters: Virgil, Deceit, Logan(Mentioned)

Relationship(s): Implied Loceit (we have Dee pining a lot)

Summary: The town has a new favorite mascotte! That's right everybody, give it up for Virgil the black cat, about to charm his way to the conquering of the entire solar system. But, for now, he's sleeping and eating all day and giving out occasional love advice.

A/n: Me? Still refusing to give Deceit a name and just rolling with that? More likely than you think. Just so you know, at some point I wrote "Carlos" instead of "Logan". Another funny thing: I sent the first paragraph to a friend (Hi Gaia if you're reading!) that knows nothing about ts nor wtnv and demanded I absolutely sent her the fic when finished so, peak weirdness everybody. I had a lot of fun writing this, I kinda got in the vibe and just went for it, I could even say I'm somehow proud of how it turned out! But enough of me, I hope you enjoy this little piece 💖

✾

What was a perfectly ordinary day for Night Vale, with its wondrous citizens conducting their quotidian tasks and duties, the sun setting down maybe a slight bit later than the other days and the occasional pet kidnapped by ancient forgotten underground tribes that none should know about and that don't actually exist, couldn't end in anything but a perfectly ordinary night.

Deceit closed the door behind himself with a satisfied sigh; another eventful working day for the radio station had just passed and he let himself wander around the building in search of the bathrooms. Because, you know, sometimes they liked to change places.

Of course, his mere intentions were freshening up a bit and going home once and for all for the night, only that a looming figure above him darkened the room by covering the single source of light on the ceiling and caught his attention immediately.

When he looked up, he was met with a sleeping cat seemingly suspended in the air right next to the sink, which was his destination. Now, don't get him wrong, he wasn't exactly a cat person, but he wasn't a monster either and, well, he was going to wake the poor tired creature if he were to make too much noise!

Walking softly, Deceit made his way to the sink, eyeing carefully the floating creature.

Thoughts of the latest ongoing events traveled through his mind every so often mixing up with other inexplicable ones and just as much frequently going back to that amazingly stunning scientist.

Wasn't it remarkable how washing your face pulled you into an ineffable stream of thoughts in a matter of miserable seconds? Truly one of the quirks of the existence of life.

Deceit started walking back to the door when he heard shuffling in the air and low growling. He turned back to see the black cat on his back, still hovering above the ground, then rolling to get a good view of who had dared to intrude in his new territory.

He had to admit, he didn't realize it at first, but he would've gone back to that moment in the future and he would've labeled it as the exact instant he got raptured by those fascinating different coloured eyes, two little sparkly and attentive irises in the middle of ashen fur. The left one looked like a glacier, not that he had ever seen one close enough to determine its existence, but he could sense a chilly breeze at the sole thought; the right one, though, he wasn't sure. At first glance, it seemed green, only for it to then change to a light brown and, eventually, the more Deceit forced his sight, the more he thought he was seeing them at the same time in a weird yellowish combination. He decided to stop staring, as it wasn't polite.

Nothing of the animal's aura felt threatening, or alarmed at all. It was simply there, bouncing in the nothingness of the room, waiting for Deceit to make any kind of move with no particular expectation.

So he paced forward and gently reached for the cat with one hand: it didn't move, except for the slow calculated heaving of its chest with every breath. Deceit's hand reached the top of its head and, as soon as they shared contact through little caresses, the cat began to purr in contempt and closed its eyes, rubbing its head against his fingers as it decided it could trust him. A half-smile appeared on his lips.

« Oh my! » one of Deceit's coworkers stormed into the bathroom as soon as they saw the scene. « This is the most adorable being I've ever seen! »

Soon enough, a small pack of people was huddled around the cat as he (one of them stated he was, in fact, male) solely licked his paws and was offered food and water.

Now that was good news for the radio; Deceit was aware of the little classification of information that had been going on for millennia, thanks to Erodotus. First priority was a witnessed action, second place was for the action that a person heard from a witness and third came the determining of which could be categorized as potentially true events and which were definitely made up.

Sometimes there was a thin line between the two.

So, yes, as a witness, as soon as he got the chance, he was definitely going to update the town on their new claimed pet.

In a matter of weeks, he had become everybody's best friend and the town's listeners were always more than eager to be informed of how the adorable chubby boy of the radio station's bathroom was doing! Deceit himself couldn't stop sneaking out at times to give him a couple of treats.

I mean, come on, who could even resist those cute demanding eyes? Khoshekh's glare was too much to bear, he kept on getting what he wanted every single time. Gee, what an intelligent and charming cat he was. Who were humans against him? He could have ruled the world if he wanted. Was he going to? You could perceive a certain sparkle in his eyes ...

Maybe.

One day.

But at that time, he only cared for his precious treats and he was fine that way.

Five weeks had passed from the last update on the wonderful feline, when Deceit shut the door of the bathroom behind himself in a movement that reminded him much about the first time he saw Khoshekh.

His face fell in his hands.

« You need to know this. » Deceit's half-muffled voiced traveled through his fingers and reached the cat's ears. Something shifted in the air, but he was too busy pacing around the room and looking at the pavement tiles to realize what had happened.

The light of the room just a bit darker, the shade of the cat just a bit bigger.

Deceit trailed off, gushing about how Logan had called him and how he had acted like a total dumbass, but hey, if that was the price he had to pay to talk to him, he was more than willing to embarrass himself even more.

« For real, though. Can you believe I just said "neat"? Who even says it anymore? » he pinched the bridge of his nose as he heard a humming noise, a little too human to be coming from a cat.

Then again, Deceit was too lost in auto-commiseration to notice.

« Why don't you just ask him out? »

Wait, what?

He had been sure to close the door earlier, he hadn't heard none coming in at all, was he that lost in thought that he-

When his eyes turned to the door, there was none standing in its place, or coming either in or out.

Oh gosh, oh no.

Deceit sighed deeply. Did someone really turn invisible again?

« Over here. » the voice came back from behind him, which caused him to turn to the actual source.

Or not.

In front of him there was a boy definitely younger than him, completely dressed in black clothing and purple patches on his too big but definitely comfortable hoodie, which matched his hair color.

Now, where did he come from?

« Where's the cat? »

« What cat? There's never been a cat. »

Deceit notices the boy was floating mid-air and he had heterochromia. A blue eye and a greenish-brown one.

« You're absolutely right, my mistake. »

The boy crossed his legs and shrinked in his baggy clothing, letting his body be comforted by the softness of the materials.

« So, why don't you do it? » he repeated, looking down on him with a seemingly sleeping expression. Where those his dark circles right under his eyes?

« Oh, I don't think I could ever muster up the courage. »

« And yet, you're able to talk to the entire town at once. »

As much as that was true, Deceit felt deep down that there was no way one could compare Logan's stupendous existence with the one of an ordinary Night Vale citizen. There was really no way.

« He said he didn't need to meet me. » he retorted, clearly just making up excuses at that point.

« He did call you, of all people, though. »

Deceit's eyes widened at the realization. « Oh my god you're right. »

His head fell back in his hands as he replayed the entire conversation in his head for the billionth time, a quiet snicker from the boy filled the silence that was left.

The boy watched him talk to himself about infinite possibilities of where that was probably going.

Then, as if on cue, as if some kind of deity was watching down on them and deciding that was the best moment to strike with a train of coincidences, with a smile on their face so wide it might have fallen from the sky at any time, Deceit's phone rang again.

« It's him! » he exclaimed, surprise in his eyes. Another call? Was it Easter? Christmas came early?

« Go, have you privacy, it's almost time to go back to your room anyway. » how the boy knew that he didn't know, but he complied and excused himself, only to find his working place right next to the bathroom door.

It seemed that day was starting to favor him.

The boy in the bathroom waited.

He floated around the room, mostly by the sink, occasionally changing position. No other worker came by, apart from that lover boy.

He remembered him as the one to give him the most food and care, which would have explained his willingness to change form in his presence.

He had just started to drift back off to sleep, his head barely brushing the wall, when Deceit stormed back in with a huge grin on his face. Was that even a normal facial expression?

« I may have a date. »

« See? What did I tell you? »

He had barely time to speak as Deceit started explaining with a painstakingly accuracy every detail of the phone call and how Logan's voice sounded, so much that the boy could have perfectly imagined it and believed to have already heard it once.

« I need to get ready. » the man started making his way toward the exit.

« Isn't it tomorrow? »

« Yes, but I don't think I'm going to handle it if I don't mentally prepare myself for this. »

« Touché. »

After exchanging their goodbyes (and some food), Deceit was halfway through the door when the boy called out.

« And please, for the love of the glow cloud, tell them my name is Virgil! »

And Virgil hoped he had heard him, despite being lost in his own thoughts and scenarios.

He truly did hope.

#virgil sanders #logan sanders #sympathetic deceit #deceit sanders #loceit #sanders sides #fanfiction #ts fanfiction #sanders sides fanfiction #wtnv #welcome to night vale #sanders sides au #wtnv au #purp's writings

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protectwoc · 5 years

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The Problem with Mal (part 3/3)

The Solution

This part of the essay is where we’re going to get into more opinion based stuff rather than facts or actual analysis, so if this is where you check out I don’t blame you. But I believe that with a little reworking the Descendants franchise could have reached its full potential story-wise. This reworking centers around one general idea:

The movies would have been better if Mal had not been the protagonist. Specifically, Evie should have been the protagonist of D1, Uma should have been the protagonist of D2, and they should have co-lead D3.

To truly discuss this thesis, we’re going to have to turn some literary techniques on its head. Bear with me everybody.

To start, let’s look at one particular literary device which I find most relevant to this discussion, that of a foil. Wikipedia defines a foil as “a character who contrasts with another character, usually the protagonist, to highlight qualities of the other character… A foil usually either differs dramatically or is extremely similar but with a key difference setting them apart.” Essentially, a foil provides a “what-if?” to another character, usually the protagonist.

Evie and Uma are both foils to Mal, but of different types. Evie’s character is radically different from Mal’s on both superficial and significant levels. On the other hand, Uma’s character is very similar to Mal’s, with a few key differences that make Uma a more compelling POV character. Unfortunately, while foils are usually intended to highlight positive qualities of the protagonist, Mal’s foils serve to show us what a missed opportunity the Descendants writers had.

Let’s compare and contrast Mal with these other two characters. We’ll start with Evie.

Motivation

What is Mal’s motivation throughout D1? In part one we decided her over-arching motivation is self-interest, specifically power and opportunity. However, if we look simply at D1, we can also see a different, more charitable motivation for her: To make her mother proud.

This is particularly interesting because it is one of the few places where Mal’s character and Evie’s intersect. As we’ve already noted, Mal and Evie are starkly different characters. Evie is more traditionally feminine, more sensitive, and shows more generally positive emotions like kindness and compassion than Mal does. In the background of many scenes (such as Mal’s dragon fight with Hades on the bridge in D3), Evie can be seen checking up on the other characters and making sure they are okay. Strangely enough, even though Mal is ostensibly the protagonist/POV character, we know more about who Evie is than Mal. Evie is, for some reason, gifted a rich inner life that even the main character is not allowed. We know Evie is interested in science and fairly adept at it, she is proficient in many homemaking activities such as sewing and cooking, and she helps Ben with the legislation for the VK project. We also know that she has a strong, steady relationship with her boyfriend that does not stop her from becoming a successful businesswoman who runs her own fashion line. The viewers are not actually told much about who Mal is beside her relationship with Ben and her talent with graffiti. Oh, and her middle name is Bertha I guess.

But for all these differences between these characters, the one place that they align is their D1 goals. Mal and Evie both go into the wand-stealing plan with the intention of making their mothers proud, but even though these motivations are the same on paper, I would argue that this motivation is better handled with Evie’s storyline than Mal’s.

Consider the relationships between Mal and her mother and Evie and her mother throughout D1. Unlike Evie, Mal is actually shown as having a sometimes-positive relationship with her mother. Maleficent pays her “compliments” (see: “That’s my nasty little girl”). She tells Mal that she intends for them to rule Auradon together with “matching thrones” and “hers and hers crowns.” There is even a whole song in D1 that revolves around Mal receiving encouragement from her mother, albeit an imaginary one.

On the other hand, The Evil Queen instilled in Evie anxiety over her physical appearance and relationship status and an intense inferiority complex. The only time she pays Evie a compliment comes when they are video chatting in front of the Fairy Godmother and all of the parents are putting on a facade. In their first scene together, Grimhilda charges Evie with “just finding (herself) a prince with a big castle” and then reprimands her for laughing because it will cause wrinkles.

As a consequence of this difference in parenting styles, Evie has a much stronger motivation to impress her mother than Mal does. Every decision that Evie makes in D1 is a result of this motivation, most notably in her side plot with Chad and Doug, whereas gaining Maleficent’s approval does not factor as heavily into Mal’s decision-making process, as seen in her relationship with Ben.

So it makes sense that given the two differing relationships between these daughters and mothers, Evie’s desire to impress her mother would be much stronger than Mal’s because she has never truly gotten it before. I’m not denying that Mal and Evie were both the victims of abusive parenting, and of course, in the real world, people respond to different levels of abuse in different but equally valid ways. However, in a Disney Channel Original Movie, a brand that is not known for its subtlety, it makes more sense that from a writing standpoint Evie has a much stronger motivation and a much higher stake in this wand-stealing plan.

Arc

If I were to ask a random Descendants fan what Mal’s arc in D1 was, what is the most likely answer I would receive? Probably that she learned to be good rather than evil, I imagine. What about Evie? Probably that she learned she didn’t need a prince to have value, or maybe not to change herself for a man. Now, based on D2 and D3, which of these characters actually fulfilled that arc?

We can’t say that Mal “learned to be good” because she never actually learned to be good. Whatever lesson Mal learned in D1 didn’t stop her from trying to magically manipulate Ben at the beginning of D2, or trying to permanently banish all the VKs to the Isle in D3. What’s the point of claiming to be on the side of good if your actions don’t corroborate that?

On the other hand, Evie experienced actual growth over the three movies. In D1, we saw her struggle to find validation somewhere other than the nearest available prince, but later learn that she could take pride in her academic capabilities and her aptitude for clothing design. In D2, she continued to build her business with support from her non-prince boyfriend, and later find a new purpose in the plights of the VKs who remained on the Isle. And finally in D3, although we saw more of her relationship with Doug, we also saw her continue to fight for the remaining VKs, building her relationship with Dizzy, and once again continuing to grow her fashion line.

Evie, unlike Mal, actually had one continuous arc with true upward growth. Now, imagine, if you will, what D1 would have looked like with the story shifted to center Evie instead of Mal. It would be a largely similar story, but with a few key changes that would enhance the overall quality.

Removing Mal as the main character of D1 would allow for some actual conflict within the group as well as outside of it. Imagine a core four, led by Evie, that features Mal as her questionably-aligned best friend/number two. Evie and the boys begin to experience doubts about the benefits of their plan, but throughout the movie, Mal remains strong, reminding them that they are “rotten to the core.” Evie is conflicted, with her innate desire to be good and love of the sanctuary Auradon provides warring with her desire to please her mother and her acknowledgment that Mal may have a point. At the finale, Evie, Carlos, and Jay make the decision to stand up for good, and Mal joins them begrudgingly but fondly. Wouldn’t that have been a better, richer conflict than the “Mal feels pulled between her evil habits and the boy she has a crush on” plotline that we got?

Evie is closer to Carlos and probably Jay than Mal is. We see this in all of her background actions, but wouldn’t it have been nice to see these relationships, and these characters, brought into the forefront of the story?

Evie’s general kindness, generosity, and dedication to doing the right thing make her a protagonist you can actually root for, but it also proves Ben’s original argument, and the argument of the whole movie, that the VKs are not predisposed to evil simply because of who their parents are. This argument rings a little hollow as the story stands because its main example is not actually a good person. With Evie in the center of this story, this theme is actually valid.

Positioning Evie as the main character also means that the next two villains of the movies are not direct results of the actions of the character who is supposed to be the protagonist.

Now let’s look at Uma, and how she compares to Mal. Uma’s character is particularly interesting because unlike Evie, she and Mal are very similar. There are, however, a few key differences that make her a more compelling protagonist than Mal

Motivation

This topic has been done to death in fandom, so I won’t dwell too deeply on it, but it’s no secret that Uma’s motivation was handled better than Mal’s at essentially every level. Uma’s story as it was shown in D2 was so well written, in fact, that I was surprised that it came out of a DCOM, and a sequel to boot. The writers did an excellent job of giving Uma a sympathetic, well-fleshed out, compelling character. The only place they fumbled was in remembering two-thirds of the way through that she was supposed to be the villain.

It is strange, however, that in a story that revolves around children finally being set free from an unfair life sentence of prison and poverty, that its villain’s motivation is to continue to liberate these children while its supposed main character actively works against this goal. It is even stranger that in D3, presumably after they saw the massive internet and fan reaction to Uma’s character and motivation, that they doubled down on this distinction instead of rectifying it.

Arc

This section was originally going to be on character arcs, but it is hard to analyze Uma’s

because she doesn’t really… have one. She doesn’t need one, because her character starts out from a place of moral superiority over Mal’s. It could be argued that in D3 she learns to work with others, but even that isn’t supported by the source material because she never actually had to learn that lesson. She already works fine with the rest of her pirate crew, the Sea Three, and even the original VKs, shown in her musical support of Evie during the “One Kiss” song, albeit with, again, a copious amount of eye-rolling. The only one she has a conflict with is Mal (for good reason) and she never truly had to learn to play nice with Mal or to amend her behavior at all because she was always in the right. That brings me to my true second point…

#umadeservedbetter/#umawasright, or, Actions

This is where we examine the actions of these two characters. On paper, Mal and Uma have very similar character traits, but the actions they take within those constraints prove them to be very different people.

Leadership

Mal and Uma are both hailed as leaders within their respective groups, to the point that there is an entire song in D3 that centers around them vying for leadership of their temporarily-combined groups. However, this comparison does not shine favorably on Mal’s leadership skills. Uma has followers because she fights for them. She works tirelessly to get them off the Isle, and then to get back to them when they are separated. Mal never shows this same care for Evie, Jay, or Carlos. When Harry struggles climbing out of the ocean during the big “It’s Goin’ Down” fight scene, Uma goes back to help him without a second thought, sacrificing her revenge in the process. Do we ever see any indication that Mal would make the same choice if it came down to her end goal vs. her friends?

2. Strategy

If you asked a random fan, they would probably say that Mal and Uma are pretty intelligent characters, and they would probably be right. Uma, however, is the only one with any tactical aptitude. In D2 Mal foolishly and callously rejects her friends’ help and goes to face Uma alone, where she is tricked into agreeing to trade Ben for the wand. Then later, Mal’s plan for how to trick Uma with the fake wand is to just “get him [Ben] out of there really fast,” which fails miserably. After that, her solution to every problem is “turn into a dragon,” which is only actually helpful one of the three times she does it. Uma on the other hand is a pretty efficient strategist. In D3 she captures Ben smoothly and only turns him back over after seeing a pretty convincing display of the fake wand’s power. In D3 every plan Uma suggests comes to fruition. In “Night Falls” she orders the group to hold the line in the back while she goes to the front, while Mal thinks they should take left and right sides, respectively. However, as the chorus and next verse start, you can clearly see that they ended up following Uma’s plan, albeit with her and Mal at the front instead of just Uma. Later she suggests that they split up and search Audrey’s dorm, which they do, and they end up finding her diary which leads them to her cottage. Mal herself acknowledges that this was a good idea. The only maybe strategically unsound decision that Uma makes (spelling Ben into falling in love with her which has historically not been successful) is a decision that Mal also made, so I can’t necessarily take points off of either one for that.

3. Choosing “Good”

We’ve already established that Mal has failed astronomically at actually, honestly, switching to the side of good, but Uma manages to start out at a higher ground than Mal and then grow from there. We see Mal pull stunts like taking candy from a baby, graffiting walls around the Isle, and kicking over the merchandise in the Isle’s bazaar/shopping center, but we never see Uma do anything like this, except maybe yell at a patron in the Chip Shoppe. She isn’t cruel to her crew for kicks; she doesn’t even throw Gil out when he calls her Shrimpy, Harry does that. Her motives have always been noble and inclusive of others besides herself. Then, we see her go through the only growth left to her in D3 when she puts her pride behind her to help Mal save Celia and defeat Audrey. We never see Mal go through this type of growth, with the possible exception of her deciding to free all the children and bring down the barrier at the end of D3… WHICH WAS UMA’S ENTIRE PLAN FROM THE JUMP OOOOOHHHH MY GOD WE HAD A WHOLE MOVIE TRYING TO PREVENT THIS VERY THING AND FOR WHAT? IS BRINGING DOWN THE BARRIER ONLY BAD WHEN UMA SUGGESTS IT? BUT NOW THAT IT’S MAL’S IDEA IT IS JUST A-OK I GUESS OOOOOHHH, MY GOD. #UMAWASRIGHT #UMADESERVESBETTER

Ahem. Anyway…

Were these movies framed differently, Evie and Uma would have been the protagonists from the start. Interestingly enough, Evie and Uma serve as foils to Mal both on a story level, and a real-world level. They serve not just as a what-if to Mal’s in-character decisions, but also as a “what if the writers had framed the story to match their writing?” Because here’s the thing, the writers knew what they were doing. They acknowledged Uma’s similarities to Mal as early as D2, with Ben’s “angry girl with a bad plan” comment, but then a few scenes later they chose to position her as a villain anyway. They knew that having Mal suggest closing the barrier permanently in D3 would position her against the rest of the VKs, particularly Evie, and they even wrote a beautiful disagreement for them that could have led to some actual growth for Evie and Mal’s characters. And then a few minutes later Evie, Jay, and Carlos have just… forgiven her, with basically no effort on Mal’s part. Most egregiously of all, they know that Mal did at the end of D3 exactly what Uma was trying to do for all of D2, and they treated Uma like a villain for it. They even have Uma’s character acknowledge this but have basically no problem with it!

This, I think, is why I had such a problem with Mal, and why it grew so aggressively. Bad writing is one thing, but bad writing that is self-aware and yet makes no motion to deal with itself is another. This is basically the end of this entirely-too-long meta/rant. I’ve never been good with conclusions, I just kind of… run out of things to talk about and deflate like a helium balloon. But if there are any points I missed, any other topics to discuss, feel free to let me know. I highly doubt anyone has actually finished this whole essay, but if you did, just know you’re my favorite person. Until next time I guess.

#Disney's Descendants #descendants #Descendants 2 #descendants 3 #anti mal #anti mal bertha #uma descendants #uma deserves better #anti bal #evie grimhilde #audrey descendants #audrey deserves better #raetalks #meta

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hitchell-mope · 4 years

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(Third Film. Jane’s birthday party)

Dizzy: I LOVE THIS FOOD! What is it?

Jane: Mal made them. Ben’s recipe. Uhhhh. Mac’n’Cheese cupcakes.

Dizzy: no matter what happens stop me when I’ve had 50.

Lonnie: and how many have you had already?

Dizzy: 25

Lonnie: ah.

(Dizzy runs off laughing like mad)

Lonnie: so when’s the string quartet coming

Jane: hopefully never

Lonnie: you’re not enjoying yourself are you?

Jane: I am. I am, it’s just. Mother made a schedule. No opening my presents until she gets here and she’s not here. And neither are the rest of our friends and I don’t want another geometry book or a rock polisher. I stopped collecting rocks when I was 10.

Lonnie: hey, hey. It’s alright. Party’ll pick up. Just wait til Mal gets here. We’ll finally see the famous routine

Jane (chuckling): infamous more like with all the cloak and dagger she’s put into it

Lonnie: I’d thought you’d seen it.

Jane: I have. Mal said there’s more to it though. Not for anyone over fifty. And mothers darn near a million

Lonnie: well. 99 thousand eight hundred and 37. And a half

(Both girls burst into a giggle fit. Half way up the embankment Chadeficent is arguing with a chaperone)

Chadeficent (Chad’s voice): hey dickbrain. I’m on the list. Chad. Charming. My father pays your salary. So you can take this piece of scrap and shove it up your

Dizzy: what in Grimm’s name are you doing here?

Chadeficent (both voices): silence wretch

Jane: Chad. Are you ok?

Chadeficent (Maleficent’s voice): perfectly well my dear little girl

(Their eyes glow black. Jane gulps and rushes back to the others)

Jane: something’s wrong with chad!

Lonnie and Dizzy: what’s right with him?

Chadeficent (Chad’s voice): none of you belong here. Not at court. Not as nobility. Not as anything else but housewives. And you “cousin” shouldn’t have left the poverty line. And I’m gonna make sure you bitches pay with your second class lives.

Lonnie: on with the misogyny full force then eh?

Dizzy and Jane: apparently.

Chadeficent (Chad’s voice): it’s your bday isn’t it?

Jane (hesitantly): yes?

Chadeficent (Chad’s voice): has mom sent you something?

Jane: a handmade dress.

Chadeficent (Chad’s voice): I have something better

(He pulls out the wand. Everyone else takes a step back in shock)

Jane: it was you

Chadeficent (Maleficent’s voice): not just him

(They split apart and Maleficent stands before Jane. She’s grinning like the madwoman she is)

Maleficent: did you really think he had the brains to pull it off

Dizzy: where are my parents

Chad: who gives a flying fuck? Ones a whore and ones a half formed freak. They deserve what they’re gonna get.

Jane: run. EVERYBODY RUN. GET AWAY WHILE YOU CAN

Maleficent: thought you’d say that. Oh. Someone gave you a compact mirror. Lovely.

(She points at the present table and glass shards start shooting out sending everyone into a panic. Lonnie hoists dizzy up and the three girls run to the shore of the lake)

Dizzy: no wait stop. I can’t swim.

Lonnie: you’ve been. Here for a year!

Dizzy: they asked if I wanted lessons I said no.

Jane: that worked out well.

(Lonnie puts Dizzy down and turns to face her)

Lonnie: Dizzy I promise. I won’t let go. But you have got to trust. Do you?

Dizzy: yes

Jane: jump!

(They all dive into the lake, Dizzy clinging on to Lonnie for dear life. Jane’s eyes glow periwinkle blue and suddenly their standing on the lakes floor)

Dizzy: what happened?

Jane: magic. It’s a wonderful thing. In the right hand.

Lonnie: and right now one of the most powerful magical relics is in the hands of chad and Maleficent. We have to warn them. Ben at the very least needs to know.

(Back on the embankment chad hasn’t been paying attention to a single thing the girls have been doing. Instead he’s been scratching his skull with the wand)

Chad: ooh. I know what to do. Happy birthday Janey

(This is when “happy birthday happens. After the song he just stands there dumbly)

Chad: where’d everybody go?

Maleficent: never mind that. We must make haste to the palace. We must find the king if you ever want the throne

Chad: yay! (Maleficent’s takes control of his body) oof must ya do that every goddamn time? (Maleficent’s voice) it’s amusing to me.

(They disappear in a swirl of black smoke. Under the lake Jane’s been listening in on the conversation)

Jane: Ok they’ve gone. Dizzy. Lonnie. Be careful. When we break the surface you might get a head rush. It’ll pass. Fight it.

Lonnie: ok. Sure. Makes sense

Dizzy: can’t you just teleport us to land?

Jane: oh yeah. Didn’t think about it

(With a flash of periwinkle blue smoke the three are back on land. Dizzy immediately runs up to the food table and starts kissing it)

Dizzy: oh land I’ve missed you so

Lonnie: it was barely ten minutes

Dizzy: it was 10 minutes too long! Jane what are you doing

Jane: calling the king. Ben? Hi yes. Chad has the wand. He’s possessed-you know? Does anyone else know? Mal and the others. Ok. We’re in safe hands. Just stay in your office. No. No ones dead. Well. No one else. Well. Not yet. Rendezvous at your office? Perfect. Bye.

(She ends the call and starts going through the present table)

Dizzy: what are you doing?

Jane: looking for something (to herself) come on Abigail. You were my favourite babysitter. Come through for me. Do not leave me high and dry. AHA YES!

Lonnie and Dizzy: what?

Jane (turning around to show them): water bazooka

Dizzy: and what’s that going to do?

Jane (already wading back into the lake): help us. This lake is magic. You come into contact with it and any spell you were put under is removed.

Dizzy: so what? We’re gonna beat chad via a water gun fight?

Jane: bazooka. And sort of. If the others are put under, we shoot em with this and they’ll wake up. In theory.

Lonnie: ok that’s all well and good but it’s your mothers wand. The magic will only last until midnight.

Jane: my mother’s wand is being influenced by the mistress of all evil. Aka the first one to be revived from death 23 years ago

Lonnie (realising): oh crap. So our friends are our best shot basically.

Dizzy: as always.

(In Ben’s office, he’s enacting the protocols when Audrey skips in)

Audrey: it took forever but I finally found something for Jane. Carlos let me use the 3D printer and I made her a wand of her very own. It’s not magic but I think she might like it.

Ben: you need to get back to your room

Audrey: what? No

Ben: the party’s cancelled, go back to your room. I don’t want to use magic on you but I will if I have to. So please go back to your room!

Audrey: Florian you’re not making any sense

Ben (taken aback): you’ve never called me Florian before

Audrey: you’ve never not made any sense before. So what’s. Happening?

Ben: chad has the wand. And he’s possessed by Maleficent. We don’t know what he wants so the entire kingdom is going on lockdown until he’s stopped.

Audrey: oh no. Oh nononononononono. Oh it’s all my fault. I did this. I drove him to it

(She keeps rambling. Ben tries to get through to her but to no avail. Until he slaps her around the face)

Audrey: OW! That really hurt

Ben: I’m sorry you weren’t making any sense and I didn’t know best else to do and Carlos once did that to me and it worked and I’m so sorry

Audrey: s’ok. I probably would’ve done the same thing.

Ben: what do you mean it was your fault

Audrey: I dumped chad last night.

Ben: what?

Audrey: he was being a dick. Said I couldn’t hang out with Mal anymore. He tried to stop me from leaving. So I dumped him. And your eyes are glowing again.

(Ben blinks hard three times and the glowing stops)

Ben: sorry about that. And it’s not your fault. It’s his. Never apologise for knowing your own worth

Audrey: which is what you did when you broke up with

Ben: ah. Did I ever apologise for that?

Audrey: no. And you were right not to. I was a bitch. I still see murder in Evie’s eyes sometimes. And I deserve it. I sicced chad on Carlos. I’m surprised you didn’t have me executed

Ben: well Evie did suggest (laughing) ow

(Audrey just playfully slapped him on the arm)

Audrey: now we’re even

Ben: not yet. Ici tu vas madame

(He hands her a shot glass of wine)

Audrey: Pourquoi merci, gentil monsieur

(They down each glass in one. And promptly cough it back up)

Audrey: aw that’s. That’s bad.

Ben: haha yeah.

Audrey: why do we drink this again?

Ben: cause we’re french?

Audrey: possibly. (She looks at the bottle) and it’s out of date. Where’d you get it.

Ben: mom gave it to me. Said she was keeping it for her fiftieth wedding anniversary. That statement aged well.

Audrey: bin?

Ben: bin.

(He throws the bottle away

Ben: now you should really get back to your room. Activate the protocols Mal made. You should be safe

Audrey: ok.

(She leaves)

Ben: oh and hey. Don’t blame yourself for what Chad’s doung. He’s always been a dick. No one changes anyone. We change ourselves. He’s just done it wrong.

Audrey: sure. (To herself) then why do I feel like I’m still to blame?

(This is when “what if” happens)

(Elsewhere the six vks have just gone through the barrier into the island. And Mal is young again)

Mal: well that was surprisingly easy

Celia: it always is. Then the bullshittery happens.

Evie: explain.

Celia: your majesty. Chancellor. Follow me to your fathers lair.

Evie: this is gonna suck for me personally isn’t it?

Mal and Celia: probably

Carlos: hey mom. What do we do when you’re off on you feel good movie of the year thing?

Celia: my fathers arcade. I thought it’d be obvious

Carlos: yeah. You’d think.

Jay: there is a photobooth there you know?

Carlos: at your lead then

Gil: what about our bikes?

Celia: again. My fathers arcade. Oh so simple Legume

Gil: well not to me! I’m not Cj.

Evie: don’t mention that bitch Gil. Please. It’s like candy man. Say it enough it’ll show up.

Gil: I used to think that too. But brother said it’s an old legend and therefore not true

Mal: let him live, sis.

(Evie snarls)

Celia: c’mon end ladies we are burning daylight

(The wiz split up. The girls going to the lair. The boys going to the arcade. None of them see Harriet in the shadows drinking watching them and knocking back a hip flask. Back in Auradon a black cloud of smoke is descending across the land. And Doug is trying to comfort the twins)

Doug: it’s ok. Just stay here. I’ll get the blanket.

Squeaky: whas happening?

Doug: someone that doesn’t like us is trying to hurt us. But don’t worry. I won’t let them get to you.

The twins: ok.

(Around the the house is covered in blackness. The curse has reached them. The front door is blasted off its hinges)

Doug: I’ll protect you. I swear it. (To himself) ohh this is so “Harry Potterish” it’s disturbing

(He grabs a steak knife from the kitchen, deadbolts the door to the workshop, not noticing the smoke has already made contact with the twins, and runs to the front door. Chadeficent is standing there. He charges at them but they use magic to slam him into a wall and keep him there suspended two feet above the floor)

Doug: I always knew you were a dick! I just didn’t think you were this much of a dick

Chadeficent (Chad’s voice): that’s pretty big talk coming from a dude with a ponytail. What should I do with him? Sleep is too good for a half breed (Maleficent’s voice) it is your choice my child. He is your enemy after (Chad’s voice, happy) ooh. You’re right ARGH

(Doug has just kicked them in the crotch. This makes them lose concentration and Doug drops to the ground)

Doug: yeah, not only are you a dick. But you have a dick. So. Byee

(He runs to the kitchen deadbolting the door as he goes. He turns around )

Chadeficent (both voices): boo

(They grab him by the neck and throw him through the wall. He lands on Evie’s worktop, smashing it in two)

Chadeficent (Chad’s voice): I think I know what to do now

Doug (chuckling through bloodied teeth): what? What could you possibly do that you haven’t already done to me?

Chadeficent (Chad’s voice): I was ya roommate. I’ve read ya journal

Doug (terrified): no. No. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(The smoke knocks him out. And he wakes up in a bathroom at the shool. Chadeficent is staring at him through the full length bathroom mirror. Behind them is Doug’s unconscious body laid out almost peacefully on the floor)

Chadeficent (Chad’s voice): see now this what you deserve.

Doug: HELP. HELP. HELP ME. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME

Chadeficent (Chad’s voice): oh c’mon dwarf you know that won’t work. They can’t hear you. You’re mute. Like you should be. Just like your idiot father.

(Doug looks like he’s going to throw up)

Doug: why. Why are you doing this

Chadeficent (Chad’s voice): because Ben is wrong. Women and half breeds and and fairies and djins have no place at court. Not in this world. Not in my world. Ooh. Someone’s coming. Best hide. You know what we’re like. How we don’t take well to the different.

(The mirror clouds up and they vanish leaving Doug alone. Chad almost smashes the mirror but he stops)

Chadeficent (Maleficent’s voice): that’s not how we do things. We gloat. And let them suffer. (Chad’s whiny voice) oh but whyuh? (Maleficent’s voice) because. Sooner or later they’ll come back. And he can see her heart break. (Chad’s voice) oooh. I like that. (Maleficent’s voice) come on now dear. Let’s face the king

(Back on the island the girls have just arrived at the lair. And Hadie is making his way to the door)

Hadie (opening the door to the lair): hello boys. Uh ha ha. You’re not Anthony and Grayson.

Mal (smugly): 🎶told ya🎶

Evie (slowly getting more high pitched): I was fourteen I was an idiot and no straight person has a gaydar!

Mal: then why did you say you did?

Evie: BECAUSE I WAS FOURTEEN AND AS I SAID I WAS AN IDIOT

Celia: now we’ve gotten that out of the way. Hadie. Meet your kid sisters. They’re here to see the big man

Hadie: Iris? Hestia?

Mal: I dunno who those people are but I’m Mal. She’s Evie. Where’s our father?

Hadie: dea uh dealing with, stuff. What did Maleficent do this time. I swear if she touched either of you

Mal: vous êtes donc au courant, bien, nous évite d'avoir à expliquer. maintenant, prendre est à notre père afin que nous puissions sauver notre royaume des griffes d'un garçon de salope de base hormonal qui est possédé par la maîtresse de tout mal.

Hadie: je suis à tes ordres, petite soeur

(He lets through the door)

Mal: ooh I like you

Hadie: right back atcha kid

Mal (chuckling sarcastically): ohhhh. I’m eighteen.

Hadie: so you can’t drink

Mal: ah I never said that

Hadie: beer or wine?

Mal: yes please

(They don’t notice that Evie’s sunk down behind a pillar)

Hadie: alrighty then. Dads asleep. Hangover

Mal: of course

Hadie: if you want my help just ask. Loving the highlights by the way.

Mal: I like having a big brother

(Mal goes to the couch where Hades is supposedly sleeping. She almost gets the ember from the coffee table. But hades grabs her hand)

Mal (chuckling nervously): aha. Hey dad?

Hades: Iris? IRIS!!!!

(He pulls her into a crushing bear hug)

Hades (maniacally): HAHAHAHAHAHA

Mal: AHAHAHAHAHAH

Hades: oh I’m so glad to see you. Oh my me I thought I’d killed all four of you. Tell me. Your sister. The boys. Are they ok?

Mal (strained because she’s being crushed by the hug): stop. Hugging me. (He lets her go). Evie’s fine. She’s got soot streaks, she’s hiding behind the pillar at the entrance, don’t think I didn’t see you chicken out E, and she’s insisting I’m wrong. Excuse me. Ahem. HA! I WAS RIGHT. YOU WERE WRONG. HAHA! Where was I? Oh yeah. Ben’s hair is fully purple and he’s growing wings. And jay’s ass, though apparently a tiny bit bruised, or so he says, I don’t really wanna know, is fine. Doug is also fine. We’re good. We’re all good.

Hades: and your brother?

Mal: right behind me. Daydrunk in the satin robe that doesn’t reach his knees

Hadie: I made it when I was 16. Growth spurts.

Mal: ahhh

Hades: your other brother. Probably know him. That doug boy stabbed him last year. Somewhere very tender and bruisable

(His voice drowns out as Mal realises in horror what he means)

Hades: ...I was gonna call him Icarus but his sister on his fathers side, paychotically vile little thing, named him after herself. Harry. I think. Harry Hook. Yeah?

Hadie: yeah. Yah. Yes. Harriet is such a bitch. First child born here. Thinks it gives her a tight to act like a Hera disciple. Oh dear

(Mal’s fainted. Her father and brother put her on the couch and Evie gets over herself and emerges from behind the pillar)

Evie: tell me she’s wrong. Tell me your lying. Tell me that thing, isn’t my brother.

Hades: I don’t lie Hest

Evie: MY NAME IS NOT HESTIA. MY NAME IS EVIE GRIMHILDE. MY MOTHER IS THE EVIL QUEEN. SHE PAID A MALE PROSTITUTE TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH HER EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO And KILLED HIM WHEN SHE FOUND OUT SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH ME. THAT IS IT. THAT IS MU HISTORY. I AM NOT THE BASTARD DAUGHTER OF A MORTALISED GOD.

Hades: your mother is a cheapskate (he changes from Sebastian Stan to John Barrowman) and as you can see my dear, I’m very much alive.

Hadie: she’s waking up. You ok kid?

Mal: what happened

Hades: you fainted when I told you Harry hook is your brother.

Mal: oh. Well. I would’ve guessed it eventually. Gods are whores. He’s a whore. It balances out

Hades: thank you for summarising our history so succinctly.

Mal: well it’s true. And why don’t you look like me

Hades: oh. Right. Um. (he changes from John Barrowman to Jesse L Martin) hello heh heh

(He smiles nervously)

Mal: Ahhh. Now that makes sense. And I didn’t faint because of the revelation. Though that is a nauseating concept. My fiancé’s in trouble. I have to get back home.

Hades: of course. Take the ember. It can help. Gods are a step above genie. So if you two Ben and Jay use it together you can burn him from the inside. Uh be careful though. You’re only half god. The boys aren’t even a millionth. It could backfire. Conflagrantly.

Mal: eh. That’s par the course for our plans. C’mon sis

(She start to leave with the other two in tow. But Evie throws out her arm to stop her)

Evie: nuh uh. We’re not going anywhere until we get answers. He owes us that much

(At the docks Facillier is taking a lunch break stroll. A huge plume of water shoots upwards and back down onto the pier drenching him. When the water dissipates Uma’s kneeling in front of him craddiling the barnacle covered Harry in a Pieta pose)

Uma: help me. Please dad. Help me

(In the forest back in Auradon the girls are slowly making progress)

Dizzy: I’m bored

Jane: well I’m sorry Dizz but he’s probably exkecting magic or a vehicle. So you’ll just have to be patient.

Dizzy: There’s not even any food.

Lonnie: time sensitive mission kiddo

Dizzy: I’m nearly fourteen.

Lonnie: meaning.

Dizzy: I want you to teach me how to fight.

Lonnie: really? Well. First things first. Movies. Books. Tv. Forget it. Improper practice. Not conducive to what we need to do. You gotta be gentle. But at the same time. You gotta be tough.

Dizzy: well that’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one

(This is when “lesson number one” happens. Back in Auradon Ben is practicing the violin. This is when “human” happens)

#disney descendants #zendaya!mal

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tessatechaitea · 4 years

Text

Review of The Twilight Zone, Season 1, Episode 14: "Jody Leaves Her Date to Die"

Amanda Halley of The Ultimate Fashion History YouTube channel helped me better understand fashion with her constant reminder, "Fashion is not an island; it's a response." I'm one of those men who has lived 48 years in t-shirts and jeans (disregarding the few years in late elementary where I wore corduroy pants for some reason. I think that reason was that my mother didn't understand exactly how serious my inability to change my clothing style was and, in a major struggle to get me to not wear jeans to some family function, didn't realize she was constraining me to years of swishing corduroy pants once I accepted the change (I do remember how I got back into jeans though! While playing at my cousins, my corduroy pants zipper ripped (or the button popped?) and they just wouldn't stay up. So my aunt had some old jeans from Peter Martin (the neighbor boy from across the street) and said I could wear those. Of course, I adamantly refused to wear another boy's pants and decided to struggle through holding up my pants for the rest of my life. A little while later, my mother (she was there because it was probably Thanksgiving) came out with some jeans and said they were a pair I had left there previously. So I acquiesced and put them on, only realizing as I was putting them on in the bathroom that they were fucking Peter Martin's jeans and I had been had. But in a burst of maturity and insight into saving face that I can't believe came out of a youthful me, I made the cognitive decision to go along with the sham. And after that, I never wore corduroy pants again and it was jeans all the way down once more (sure, sure. As I got older, I wore a variety of different kinds of pants. But probably 95% jeans)). That was a pretty good digression so let me remind you where we were: I've basically only worn t-shirts and jeans my entire life so Amanda Halley's The Ultimate Fashion History YouTube channel has taught me more about history in a year or so than I knew in the previous 47. And her quote, "Fashion is not an island; it's response," struck a chord with me because, as an English major, it's how I learned to better appreciate poetry. Or, at least, how I learned to better appreciate poetry that I did not like. It's one thing to read William Carlos Williams' "The Red Wheelbarrow" and think, "What the fuck? Stupid. Whatever." It's another to learn about the other artists whom Williams discussed poetry and their theories about what modern poetry should be, and how it should differ from the previous generation. Although I don't know much about that because after reading "The Red Wheelbarrow" and thinking, "What the fuck? Stupid. Whatever," I had no interest in learning more about William Carlos Williams. But even poems that people think they love as a stand-alone experience, like Yeats' "The Second Coming," cannot truly be understood without context and reading multiple essays discussing Yeats' secret language and ritualistic metaphors. Poems, like fashion, are not islands. Every single one is a piece of dialogue in a generational conversation. Good luck ever feeling like you really understand anything after accepting that fact. Which brings me to this episode of The Twilight Zone, "Third from the Sun." While not as unfathomable as T.S. Eliot's "The Waste Land" without understanding the references or contemplating where Vivienne Westwood's punk aesthetic came from without knowledge of previous years and decades of fashion, "Third from the Sun" relies on the viewer understanding the context in which this story was told. Based on a Richard Matheson story (because of course it was), "Third from the Sun" is a modernist response to living in the nuclear age. Obviously we still live with the threat of nuclear war because genies and bottles and idiots and whatnot so the story doesn't need as much context as maybe some of the other The Twilight Zone episodes that haven't aged as well. But the way it's told exemplifies the needed subversive nature of Rod Serling's television program for 1959. It comes with a sort of safety valve that allows a viewer to remain blind to the criticism of the United States. I'm sure what Matheson and Serling do in this story has been done before and since but it struck me as quite clever, and made me realize that possibly the only other example of this cleverness that I can currently recall with my muddled and aged brain is the ending scene of Get Out when the police car pulls up as Chris kneels over the woman who betrayed him and she begins calling for help. Although that scene maybe doesn't have quite the same safety valve. In fact, it refuses the safety valve completely. That scene is all, "See how you felt when that police car pulled up, you white? That's it. That's fucking living in the U.S. as a black man." But it's still sort of the same visceral reaction that the creators are expecting the audience to have at the end of the story. I should probably explain what that reaction is in "Third from the Sun." William Sturka helps build hydrogen bombs. One day after work, he learns that the bombs are going to be launched in 48 hours. The world is essentially over. He can no longer justify his career by pointing out he's just a replaceable cog in a gigantic war machine because that cog has helped bring it all crashing down. Luckily for him and his family, he has an escape plan! Unluckily for his daughter Jody's date and everybody else living on the planet, they don't have an escape plan! But that's okay because this is how stories work. The audience is given the main characters and encouraged to simply care about the main characters because caring about people who haven't even been written is a stupid waste of time. Sure, Jody's date exists but you never have to look at his face so who cares if he blows up or is later torn to pieces by the mutant post-apocalyptic zombie monkeys. This is about the Sturka family and how they will survive another day! The Sturka escape plan is to take an experimental space ship to a planet they've discovered in a nearby galaxy. They've learned that the people on that planet are similar to them and even speak a language quite closely related to theirs. This brings up a lot of other questions that can't be answered in a twenty five minute television show so just shut up. Some other drama takes place with a bad guy who wants to stop them but none of that really matters. Okay, fine, it matters but in a way that I don't want to get into. It matters because it demonstrates wrong-headed loyalty to a dangerous government and obsessive patriotism and cigarette smoking men who just want to see the world burn. But the terrible man trying to stop them is really just an obstacle to be traversed so Sturka and his family have something to do for twenty minutes, aside from discussing their plans of stealing a government aircraft while playing Bridge or Pinochle or whatever stupid card game for couples they played in the 50s. The main theme is that Sturka and his family are living in a world teetering on the edge of nuclear Armageddon and they're desperate to escape to safety. At the end of the episode, as they escape in their space ship, William and his friend discuss their destination. William learns the planet they're headed to is the third from its star and that it's called Earth. I think this is where I'd insert a gif of universe brain if I was that kind of Internet writer. I am not. Although since I'm more of a 'zine writer, I should at least be doing my own art for these reviews. Fuck. Now that I've thought of it, I've just made more work for myself for future reviews. Also, I think I'm going to turn these into physical 'zines. So that's the twisty bit going on in this episode! The entire time, the audience is thinking this is a tale of Earth because, well, we're living in the shadow of complete and utter annihilation brought on by the whims of our leaders. So the big surprise is that this was a different planet entirely! But the part that I think is clever and subversive and based in the context and dialogue of the time is that it relies on the audience to understand it and make the mental leap of logic for one final gasp of awareness. They aren't going somewhere safe! They're headed right back into the same on-the-brink-of-disaster world they just left. Which is why it reminds me of the final scene of Get Out which relies on the audience's pre-conceived notions of police and violence against black men. I suppose in 1959, you couldn't watch this episode of The Twilight Zone and not gasp at the realization that this poor family hasn't actually rescued itself. They're still in danger because our world has become that dangerous place. We believed they were fleeing Earth because Earth has gotten as frightening as the world in this episode and Matheson and Serling double down by saying, "Ha ha! Nope. They're going to Earth!" Perhaps there's a bit of hope in the story in that we still have more time than 48 hours. But I don't think that's the point. And much like Get Out, even people who pooh-pooh Black Lives Matter protests, must have had a visceral reaction to the police car pulling up while the protagonist knelt above the bloody body of his fiance and tormentor. It's a scene that forces a person acknowledge, by their own reaction and assumption about what's going to happen, that, even if they will vocally deny that police violence against black men is an epidemic, they understand the truth of it. I can't imagine a person exists who could watch that scene and not immediately understand that Chris's life has gone from one dangerous experience to another serious threat to his life. Just another scene that relies on the context of the time, and dialogue across decades. None of this shit is an island. Like the jeans I've worn my entire life, it's simply responses all the way down. Final Thought: I apologize for taking this review in two directions at once without properly knitting them together (the whole "it's a response thing" and the comparison to Get Out) but one came to mind as I was enmeshed in the other and, in the end, I don't have an editor and I'm not being paid for this. So if it's all poorly knitted together, I can only hope that you view it from the appropriate distance to hide its serious flaws. Thank you!

#The Twilight Zone #Get Out #Richard Matheson #Rod Serling #Third from the Sun

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jon-astronaut · 5 years

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Just a little fic of Matteo and Jonas to mend your hearts! Based on the common theory that Jonas will learn about Matteo’s actions in s1 and my hope that, that won’t lead to a fight. Some loving Jotteo bromance.

Summary : After learning about what Matteo did the past year Jonas goes to confront him only to find Matteo in a shape he wasn’t expecting.

Less Alone

Jonas wasn’t angry more like disappointed and confused really as he made his way through the streets. Why would Matteo do that? Why would he expose Hanna like that to the whole school? He would partly understand if Matteo betrayed Hanna and only told him about it because as much as the other two were close Matteo and Jonas were closer. So if he did that in a way he would have been a somewhat good friend to Jonas. Still, why would he break his promise to Hanna? It wasn’t like Matteo to do that. If anything he was a loyal friend. He could’ve walked away from the absolute mess and a pain in the ass Jonas was last year but he didn’t.

When he finally reached Matteo’s flat he had a million questions in his mind and no idea how to ask them. He knocked on a little more harshly than he intended to. It was Hans who opened the door and he said:

“I was about to call one of you. As much as I’m mad at that little boy I’m worried. He hasn’t left the house for the past four days, doesn’t eat much and walks around in the same outfit.”

If Jonas was confused before then he was now super confused. He got inside and said:

“What?”

Hans gave him a suspicious look, “Have you talked to him recently?”

Jonas shook his head, “No, he isn’t answering any texts but I thought he was studying or something.”

Hans tapped his own head like he remembered something, “Right I guess he broke his phone. Linn saw his screen all broken.”

“How? Why?” Jonas almost forgot why he went there in the first place. What the hell did I miss he thought.

“Okay, let me summarize real quick.” He opened his mouth then stopped. He was about to tell Jonas about David but managed to stop himself, it was best to leave that part to Matteo.

“Waiting.” Jonas said while shifting in his place. His confusion was growing every second.

“He was fine Friday night. Went out, came back, locked himself in his room. Came out for a study date and occasionally to get some snacks from the kitchen. Been smoking non-stop. Hasn’t changed his outfit. That’s about it.”

Jonas thought ‘maybe I should’ve listened to Carlos when he said something was wrong with Matteo’. But he had no idea not even a theory about what might wrong with him. In retrospect, Matteo has been more closed off for some time and maybe Jonas got used to that. He came here to demand answers from Matteo and now he was worried about him. He rubbed his head:

“Do you have any idea what’s wrong? Is it about his mom?”

Hans shrugged, “No. I don’t even know the deal with his mom.”

Jonas sighed. He needed to talk to Matteo but about something else than he planned, at a completely different tone than he planned.

“I’ll talk to him.” He said as he walked to Matteo’s room.

“Good luck.” Hans said after him.

Jonas took a deep breath and knocked on Matteo’s door. When there was no answer he tried to opened the handle but the door was locked. Jonas took another deep breath and said:

“Hey, Luigi it’s me.”

No answer.

“Either you open the door or I break the door or break my shoulder in the process.” The latter was the most probable one as Jonas wasn’t the strongest around.

He heard some shuffling and grouching then the door was unlocked. When he went inside Matteo was back to lying in his bed. His room looked nothing like to when they had the housewarming party and Jonas stayed over. It was a mess even by their standard. He looked at the full ashtray and cursed himself for ever starting smoking because well Matteo only started after him.

He stood on the edge of the bed:

“Hello, Mr.Florenzi.” he said trying to use a lively voice.

Matteo looked up to Jonas and didn’t reply because honestly he didn’t have the energy. He had no idea why was Jonas even there.

Jonas didn’t know how to start the conversation because well he wasn’t going to confront him and that was the reason he came.

“I’ve heard you have nested in here for some time.”

Matteo took a puff of his cigarette. “It’s comfy here.”

“I think it needs a bit of fresh air.” Jonas said referencing to Matteo’s smoking.

Matteo rolled his eyes, Jonas smoked as much as him if not more.

“Coming from you?”

Jonas was a bit surprised at that because harsh comebacks wasn’t really Matteo’s thing. But like his disappointment of past events he let it go and decided to straight up ask:

“What’s going on?”

Matteo put out the cigarette. “Nothing. Just relaxing, studying.”

Now Jonas understood how Matteo felt last year when all he did was to push Matteo away and in a more annoying way.

Matteo was lighting another cigarette when Jonas caught up with him and took it away.

“Hey!” Matteo protested but Jonas took the packet and the lighter away too.

“No smoking for you anymore, little one.”

Matteo didn’t want to deal with Jonas because he didn’t know what to tell him. He didn’t want to deal with others either. As much as he hated being alone and he hated the state he was in right now he just wanted everybody to go away. This wasn’t like when his dad had left. Jonas couldn’t cheer him up with songs or games. His dad leaving was expected, at least by him, but David leaving wasn’t expected. Jonas couldn’t make things better, he wouldn’t understand anyway. Matteo wouldn’t tell him.

“My name’s Matteo.” He knew he was being a pain in the ass but he needed Jonas to leave him alone. What’s another person to lose? he thought.

Jonas wasn’t going to give up. Matteo didn’t give up on him not even his worst state. Now it was time to help Matteo get up whether he wanted it or not.

He pulled the chair in front of the bed and sat down on it.

“Okay, ‘Matteo’.” He emphasized Matteo, “What’s going on with you lately?”

Matteo didn’t answer. He just kept playing with his pen.

“Okay don’t answer. I’ll just have a rundown of things that happened.”

He started to count, using his fingers too:

“First, you skip Abdi’s birthday party because of something to do with your mom. Second, you broke up with Sara. Third, you stopped communicating with the outside world.”

He added in his mind, fourth before all this you caused Hanna and Samuel’s kiss to spread to the whole school without thinking how it would affect me, her or us. Then he added, in his mind, but this is for another day.

Matteo was still not answering. He was trying to avoid eye contact and was either looking down to the ground or up to the ceiling.

“I’m going to make it a little bit easier for you as a Jonas Augustin service.” He tried to make a joke with a cute voice to lighten up the room. “I feel like all of these are connected. Is that right?”

Matteo finally showed a sign of responding and shook his head to mean ‘Yes.’

Jonas felt like they were finallu getting somewhere. He didn’t want to force things out of Matteo but for Jonas to help him he needed know what was wrong.

“Are you willing to tell me that connection?”

Matteo gulped. He wasn’t ready for this, he wasn’t ready to ‘come out’ to Jonas. It’s not like he would judge him but he feared things might change between them. Also, he didn’t even know how to explain the things that happen and when he had a similar conversation with Hans well, he messed it up.

This time he shook his head to mean ‘No.’

And now they were a step back, Jonas thought. But he was willing to be patient.

“Do you want to talk about any of those?”

Another, ‘No.’

It looked like Jonas wasn’t going to make things better this time. So he did all he could, just being there.

“Can you promise me something, Matteo?”

Jonas pushed down the urge to call him ‘Little One’.

Matteo went back to playing with his pen, “What?”

Jonas put on the warmest smile he had, “When you are ready to talk come find me. You know I’m not hard to find.”

Matteo didn’t know if he’ll ever be ready to talk but still deep down he apprecriated Jonas so much. Old Jonas was back. The Jonas that always cared, that made him laugh, his best friend.

Matteo looked at Jonas fully for the first time since he entered the room, “Promise.”

That was a bit of a relief for Jonas. At least Matteo didn’t shut Jonas out a %100.

After a minute or so silence Jonas suddenly jumped on Matteo’s bed.

A confused Matteo looked at him as if to ask what he was doing.

“We’re having a sleepover Luigi.”

“We are?”

“Yes, yes we are. Now scooch over.” He said with a smile.

Maybe Matteo wasn’t ready to talk yet but there was no way Jonas was going to leave him alone like that. He swears he saw a tint of smile on Matteo’s face.

As for the million questions in his mind about Matteo’s motives of the year before, it didn’t seem inportant anymore.

Matteo didn’t know when or if he’ll be okay but Jonas was there and that was enough to make him feel less alone.

#druck #matteo florenzi #jonas augustin #jotteo

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alexeishostakoff · 6 years

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the first time bucky barnes wandered through the city when he couldn’t sleep, he didn’t speak to a soul. kept his head down, his stride calm, made sure to avoid accidentally scaring someone. he didn’t have much of a purpose, just needed to do something, to distract himself, to move.

the second time, just walking wasn’t enough. he was full of nervous energy, full of drive, needed to fix something, help someone, anything to make himself feel a little better after the horror that had been his latest nightmare.

he met a woman at a corner shop two blocks away from his apartment. she was in her mid-forties, clearly tired, struggling to carry some large boxes into the back room. she cast a distrustful glance towards him as he approached, but he didn’t lay a hand on her, giving her as much distance as he could when he easily picked up the last two boxes and placed them inside the shop, continuing on his way down the street once he was done. he could feel her gaze on his back until he turned the corner, but he just kept walking.

he saw a man half-asleep on a bench two blocks later, and gave him a small smile and then a conversation and then maybe-just maybe-a new friend.

the third time, the woman from the corner shop gave him a small, hesitant smile when she saw him pass by, which he returned with a wave and a grin.

the man from last time wasn’t there, and bucky could only hope that he was okay and somewhere warm, and make a mental note to check around later for him.

he helped a vendor fix the wheel on his cart, and a teenager catch her dog, and had a small talk with a woman sitting on the steps of her apartment building, discussing the weather and the neighborhood and how that iron man guy was very handsome, indeed. (and if they maybe also mentioned his ass, bucky would rather die than admit it.)

it was a nice night.

he liked that feeling, liked helping people without having to fight, liked fixing things and having conversations and making new friends.

and so he kept doing it.

the woman at the corner shop's name was anika. she'd been running the shop for twenty years now, and everybody in the neighborhood knew her. she liked watching comedies and baking cakes, and her wife left her five years ago. she had back problems, but she always kept working, always had a smile on her face and a joke ready to be told.

she and bucky got along like a house on fire.

small conversations on the street turned into game nights and friendship, and she helped him remember what it was like to just be happy and have a friend, to laugh and talk and be fairly normal, for once.

it was a good feeling. bucky liked it, and anika did too.

the man from the bench was named carlos. he used to be a painter, but now he worked at a small auto store in a different neighborhood. he liked classical music and reading, and preferred chocolate ice cream over vanilla. he was clever, a force to be reckoned with, and bucky was fairly sure he was a genius.

he taught bucky a lot about french poetry and art styles and kindess, generosity even when you didn't have much to give.

in return, bucky helped him set up his first show at a museum.

they would talk about anything and everything for hours, debating and teasing in an almost brotherly way, a way that might've made bucky miss his siblings less or more, he wasn't sure. either way, the friendship worked.

the vendor's name was cal, and the woman from the apartment building's name was maya, and there were so many others in the neighborhood, teachers and cashiers and factory workers, and it didn't take bucky long to realize that he had a community with them, strong friendships and a happiness he hadn't known in a long, long while.

he was almost glad for the nightmares.

‘almost’ being the key word here.

----

bucky should have known that someone was going to notice how he kept leaving at random hours of the night.

it took vision exactly three months, two weeks, five days, three hours, seven minutes, and twenty four seconds to decide this was getting rather suspicious, and only one more hour to choose to follow him.

bucky noticed them, of course he did. awareness of his surroundings was an instinct that he would never unlearn. he didn't call them out on it though, didn't say a word, simply waited until he was halfway though his route and vision decided to walk beside him.

"bit creepy to follow someone like that, y'know."

"apologies, but it did seem rather-"

"shady? understandable. and it's alright."

they walked in silence, until they passed cal's cart, and the vendor called out to them with a friendly smile on his face. "hey, buck! who's your friend?"

bucky stopped walking, and turned to him, smiling back at cal as he said, "this is vis." vision gave him a small wave, rather awkward, unsure of what to do, but cal only said, "nice to meet ya, vis. i'm cal. you gonna be joining buck on his visits?"

vision paused for a second, before replying slowly, "it's nice to meet you as well, cal. and i'm not quite sure, though i might."

"well, i hope i'll see you around sometime, then. y'all have a nice night!"

"you too, man," bucky replied, looking more relaxed as he started walking off again, vision nodding to cal before following after him.

"are all the people in the neighborhood this nice?" vision asked, looking around. bucky chuckled. "depends, really. anika might be a bit wary of you at first, and maya'll be pleasant, though it'll take awhile for you to be considered one of her friends."

"you talk as if i'm going to be around here often, sergeant."

"call me bucky. and i think you'd like it here, but it's up to you."

----

they hadn't expected to, but vision started to come on bucky's walks every once in awhile.

they didn't come every night-this was bucky's place after all, these were bucky's people, not theirs-but they came enough to earn themself a spot in the neighborhood, to make friends and feel some of the same happiness bucky felt, to feel human.

they were working on that together, it seemed. the humanity, that is.

vision was gaining it for the first time, and bucky was gaining it again.

they were both glad to have someone to share the process with, changing from machine to person, and they were both even more glad to have another friend.

----

there was a mission to russia, a hydra base.

bucky volunteered, of course he did, and they couldn't stop him, because he knew the terrain and everyone knew he showed no mercy against hydra, that he was the best person to have around when it came to them because he would always complete his mission, damn the memories that tried to hold him back.

and that was how he ended up in the hospital, fading in and out of conciousness, surrounded by guilt-stricken avengers and sad-eyed medical workers.

and sure, the team was there, but something wasn't right.

something was missing, empty.

and bucky didn't open his eyes.

until vision made a call, and anika, carlos, cal, and maya burst into the hospital room half an hour later, ignoring the puzzled looks from the heroes and making their way to bucky's bedside, worry and anger and fear clashing on their faces.

steve tried to protest, to figure out who they were, and tony fought back even more, refusing to leave his side, but in the end vision ushered them all out, until only bucky and the friends he'd found, the ones he'd made for himself, the civilians who somehow trusted him, were all that remained.

and then vision left, too.

and bucky barnes opened his eyes.

he was confused for a moment, wondering where he was, why his friends were there, what was going on.

and even when he remembered, some of the confusion remained.

why were they here? how did they know about this? who told them-vision. it had to have been vision, of course it was. they were the only one who knew, the only one who had their numbers, the only one who could have thought that having them there would make things better.

god, he loved them for that.

the relief on his friends’ faces was clear, and bucky smiled weakly up at them, and then said teasingly, “aww, were you all really that worried about me?”

cal laughed, and carlos smiled, but maya rolled her eyes and anika glared at him a little.

“you scared the shit out of me, barnes,” anika said. “i thought you could be dying!” “you don’t need to worry about me, neeks,” he replied, still smiling. “i’m a supersoldier, remember? gonna take more than that to kill me.” she sighed, but held back a fond smile, glad that he was going to be okay more than angry that he’d gotten hurt-though she did still make a mental note to lecture him about being safe later.

“i’m just glad you’re okay, idiot,” carlos said, shaking his head in forced seriousness. “you almost cracked your head open.” bucky grinned at him, and made him burst out laughing with one simple, mildly self-deprecating joke: “we both know my skull’s to thick for that, buddy.”

cal started to speak, but bucky cut him off. “don’t tell me you’re going to scold me too, i need at least one person on my side.” cal shook his head, smiling. “just wanted to say that you did good, man,” he said. “helped a lot of people. also, if you scare me like that again, i won’t even try to stop anika from killing you.” bucky’s eyes widened, and he faked surprise. “i can’t believe you’d do that to me, you’re breaking my heart!” cal just smirked at him in response.

maya cleared her throat, and when bucky’s attention was on her, she said, “i gotta say, iron man’s ass is even nicer in person. you better tap that, jamie, or i’m afraid i’m gonna have to stay here and seduce him myself.” bucky turned bright red, and he spluttered, trying to find a good answer to that while she laughed at him. “you wouldn’t,” he finally said. she crossed her arms, a mischievous look in her eyes as she coolly replied, “i won’t hesitate, bitch.”

----

bucky barnes hadn’t thought he would ever have a family again, a real one, one that he found himself, not one that was just handed to him.

but as he looked around at his friends, he knew that wasn’t true.

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aleinnilatibae · 5 years

Text

Someone’s in the kitchen with Francis, part 2

Another part! Much longer than the 450 words I posted earlier, hence the readmore, but hey this was a really fun part.

@virfujiwara

Rulo Rolando eventually made it to the music room with his brothers, who teased him for being late, but he hardly heard them. He sat down, and pretended to tune his guitar while he thought about the predicament he had suddenly found himself in.

He liked Francis.

He knew that already.

Didn’t he?

Well, yes, but he didn’t really realize exactly how MUCH he liked him, until now.

Until he couldn’t stop thinking about his finger pressed against his lips, how thoughtful his gift of extra chocolates was, how cute and mischievous that SMILE was-

“Rolaaaando, your head is up in the clooouds!!” Ricardo trilled, breaking him out of his reverie.

“And I think I know whyyyy,” he said, waggling his eyebrows and holding up the box of chocolates that he swiped while Rolando wasn’t looking.

“Hey!” Rolando protested, lunging for the chocolates.

“We all know why, Ricardo,” deadpanned Carlos, plucking the box from Ricardo’s grasp and holding it up higher than Rolando could ever reach.

Luckily for Rolando, Topa chose that moment to walk through the doors.

“Hola, Rulos!” Topa greeted cheerfully as he entered the music car, “I just got word from Lila that our next stop is…the Love Station!”

“Of course,” Rulo Rolando said under his breath.

“So I was thinking, since we haven’t performed it in a while, we should rehearse Porque Yo Te Quiero a few times,” Topa said.

“Of COURSE,” Rulo Rolando muttered again, slightly louder.

“Uno, Dos, Uno Dos Tres Quatro!”

Rulo Rolando readied his guitar, steeled himself, and prepared to play.

After they had played Por Que Yo Te Quiero a few too many times for Rulo Rolando, Topa finally called it a day and they packed up their instruments.

Rulo Rolando was silent as they tidied everything up. Usually he would be cracking jokes, and involved in whatever nonsense made them all extremely inefficient cleaners, but not today. Carlos and Ricardo were even having a slap fight that was BEGGING for a third interloper’s surprise attack, but Rolando didn’t feel like joining in.

Instead, his thoughts were with Francis.

Thoughts of holding his face, kissing his adorable smile-

Rolando blushed. Man, he was in trouble. Who could he confide in?

He sneaked a glance at Topa, who had gone ahead to break down the drums since Carlos was busy with the slap fight. Topa was the captain, right? Topa always knew what to do, right?

Well, maybe not ALWAYS. But he was at least always ready to lend a listening ear to the problems of the crew.

Rulo Rolando took a deep breath, and turned to his bandmate and captain.

“Topiman,” he began, “I have…a problem.”

“What is it?” Topa asked, straightening up to give Rolando his full attention.

“Well, I have been thinking, ehh, quite a bit, about somebody that, ah…me gusta mucho.”

Topa raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“I am deciding-well, I have decided that-that maybe? I want to tell…them how I am feeling.”

Topa gasped.

“That is fantastic news, mi amigo!” Topa clapped him on the shoulder.

‘Yes, but, I have a teensy little problem,” Rulo Rolando said, pinching his fingers together to illustrate this.

“What is the problem?” asked Topa.

“Yo quiero hacerlo, pero, ehh…yo tengo miedo,” admitted Rolando.

Topa cocked his head to the side. “Muy extraño,” he mused, “What are you afraid of?”

“I am afraid of…how it could go wrong,” Rulo Rolando said sheepishly.

“Really?” Topa said, letting out a little laugh. “YOU, afraid of what could go wrong?”

“Topinator, this isn’t some inconsequential bodily harm or personal injury!” Rolando said defensively. “This is serious! If it goes wrong, I could lose my friend!”

Topa put a steadying hand on his shoulder. “Rulo Rolando,” he said, “Never be afraid to share what you feel. I think…you should go for it.”

And so, his first attempt came during lunch with his brothers, the following day.

Well, it was just he and Carlos eating, as Ricardo was slightly…indisposed.

“How did you do this, Ricardo?” asked Harmony in awe, examining the fork lodged in the palm of his hand, “You were eating SOUP!”

“Idon’tknowIdon’tknowIthurtsSOBAD,” the words tumbled out of him and tears formed in the corner of his eyes, “Just get it out, Harmony!”

“Okay, okay,” Harmony said, “First, I need you to calm down. Assume the Calming Position.”

She placed her palms together and closed her eyes.

Ricardo tried to put his palms together, but he only sunk the fork further into his hand.

“AY!” he yelped, and so Harmony abandoned the poses and went straight to pulling out her first aid kit.

Rolando and Carlos looked at each other, trying desperately not to laugh.

“Poor, poor Ricardo,” Carlos said, shaking his head, but even he couldn’t hide the beginnings of a smile on his face, so the two brothers hastily bent over their soup to conceal their giggles.

“How is everything, gentlemen?” came a familiar voice from above them.

“Oh…just fine…for us…” said Rolando, still trying not to laugh openly.

“Not so much for, ah…Rulo Tenedor over there,” Carlos noted, gesturing at Ricardo.

Rolando couldn’t help himself, he burst out laughing.

“Heyyy! I’m in real pain over here!” whined Ricardo, gesturing to the fork in his palm.

When Rolando looked back up from his laughing fit, he saw Francis trying and failing to hide a wide smile, despite his prim and proper waiter’s stance.

“See, you think it’s funny too!” lamented Ricardo.

“N-no, of course not, it’s-it’s just-your laughter is quite…contagious, Rolando,” he said, giving Rolando a smile.

Something jolted in Rolando’s stomach, and flooded his nerve endings.

“Listen, Franciscocho,” Rulo Rolando said, putting down his spoon dizzily, “I um…I wanted to tell you that…”

Harmony dropped her first aid kit with a clang, and they both looked toward the sound.

When they both looked back, Rulo Rolando choked.

“That…that this is some good soup,” Rolando said lamely, gesturing to his bowl.

“Um, thanks,” said Francis, raising one eyebrow at Rolando, “I shall pass your compliments to the chef. Permiso,” he said, turning around and going back into the kitchen.

“Apa,” said Carlos, picking at his own soup.

“What?”

“You froze again,” said Carlos, sighing in disappointment.

“Hmph,” Rulo Rolando crossed his arms. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Over subsequent days, Rulo Rolando tried a couple more times to tell Francis how he felt about him. But every time…he seemed to lose his nerve at the last minute.

It drove him INSANE.

He was usually the guy who had no problem diving headlong into whatever activity crossed his mind! He wasn’t afraid of anything! He touched a CACTUS, for God’s sake, JUST because he wanted to know if it would hurt! But for the first time, he couldn’t stop thinking about all of the terrible consequences of how it could go badly.

What if Francis never talked to him again? What if Francis HATED him after this?

Was this the only risk that he was unable to accept?

One day, he found himself pacing, alone, in the music room, an hour after lunch service. This was the time that Francis usually went on HIS lunch break, so he could eat in peace and quiet without Arnoldo yelling at him to eat faster.

Rolando peeked through the glass window into the adjacent cabin and there he was, sitting calmly and eating his meal.

He paced a few times, building up courage. He had visited Francis a couple of times before during this very lunch break, but this time…there was a lot at stake.

He paced one final time, and barreled towards the door-

And froze.

“Ah!” Tengo miedo,” he announced, walking away from the door.

But as soon as he started to walk across the room, he stopped.

“Ah! I have to!” he swiveled around and marched towards the door with a fire in his eyes until-

“Nope! Tengo miedo,” he said, turning back around again.

“No tengo!” he scolded himself, returning to his mission, until he got a glimpse of Francis through the window again.

“Si tengo,” he pouted, turning back around.

He went back and forth, back and forth, alternately filled with determination and paralyzed by fear, until he finally slapped his own face to try to snap out of it.

“Rulo Rolando,” he told himself, “You are GOING to tell him how you feel, ahorita!”

So he strode purposefully towards the door, actually crossed the threshold with heart beating out of his chest-

Francis was gone.

He was already done eating! Rolando was too late!

“Ay, you missed your chance, Rolando,” he despaired, and traipsed sadly back through the doors, sick with a broken heart.

He walked through cabin after cabin, lost in his thoughts. Why was he so insistent on this course of action in the first place? He had gone this long without trying to ask out Francis, couldn’t he just pretend like he still felt that way that he did before? Wouldn’t it just be better for him to keep his lip buttoned down, preserving their friendship just the way it was?

Then why did even the thought of that solution curl his stomach so badly?

“Lost, Rulito?” came a voice.

Rolando snapped out of his thoughts. He was in the control cabin!

“Ah! Lila, I’m sorry, I’ll just-“

“Don’t worry about it,” Lila waved a hand, “How is it going with your waiter boy?”

Rulo Rolando froze.

“Eh, I am not sure exactly what you meeean, Lila,” said Rulo Rolando, eyes darting everywhere but her.

Lila rolled her eyes, and beckoned him with a finger.

“Let me tell you something, Rulo Rolando,” she said, leaning close to him, “It has been EXTREMLY painful for me to watch you and Francis dance around and around and around each other for so long, and now that one of you finally seems ready to make a move, you just keep chickening OUT!”

Rolando blinked, jaw hanging open.

“And,” she continued, putting a hand on his shoulder and looking into his eyes, “Everybody knows.”

Rolando gasped. “They do?”

Lila nodded. “Everybody on this monorail knows WHO you are sweet on—except for him. And, they are all too polite to say so—except for me.”

Rolando covered his face with his hands and groaned.

“Why did everybody know before I did?!” he exclaimed. “I don’t even want to know about it, Lila!”

He sighed. “Ever since I realized…I realized what I WANTED from him was actually romantic, pretending that I DON’T want that feels like…it feels like I’m deceiving him. I can’t stand lying to him, but what if he-“

“What if he what?” Lila prompted.

“…Rejects me?” he squeaked out.

Lila actually laughed.

“Ha! Rulo Rolando, you are a FOOL if you think that boy is going to reject you.”

Rolando looked up at her with hope.

Lila threw her hands up. “I did say that you were dancing around each OTHER, right?! Ay, the fact that you haven’t noticed all of the FLIRTING until now is nothing short of a travesty. Now please, will you do us all a favor, and go talk to him. Ahorita.”

“A-ahorita?” Rolando squeaked, “No, no no no, he’s working, I don’t want to interrupt-“

“No importa!” Lila snapped, “No more excuses, Rolando, vaya, vaya, vaya!”

Rulo Rolando was off like a shot down the corridor, heart pounding, adrenaline pumping, heading straight for the kitchen of the Junior Express.

#junior express #ireally hope my spanish isnt too shitty

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thesportssoundoff · 5 years

Text

DWCS Episode 3 Primer

Joey

July 8th

Thus far the 3rd season of the Contenders Season has given us four fighters; 1 HW (Yorgan de Castro), 1 MW (Punahele Soriano), 1 BW (Miles Johns), 1 WW (Miguel Baeza). What’s episode three got for us?

Joseph Solecki (7-2, 25 years old, Pro since 2016) vs James Wallace (9-2, 26 years old, Pro since 2015) Lightweights

Joseph Solecki Where He Fight At? ROC and CFFC! Solecki has fought primarily in CFFC. Who’d He Ever Beat? Not anybody necessarily that I'd be familiar with for sure. Record Of Opposition At The Time Of Their Fight? 37-23-1! That's not awful but definitely not exactly the sexiest of records. His two losses are a combined 10-2 (2-0 Cesar Balmaceda, 8-2 TUF Brazil fighter Nikolas Motta). His last fight out, Solecki beat 7-6 Jacob Bohn by decision. Why Is He Here? Eh, I mean Solecki isn't a bad idea on paper. He's a guy who has hung out on the regional circuit and he's a young lightweight. Watching him fight, you can kinda see some upside as a crazy grappling guy. He is quick, has exciting fights and tends to finish them when he gets the chance. He's a fun guy to keep an eye on even if the records presented here are pretty gross.

James Wallace Where He Fight At? Wallace is one of those dudes who has been pretty much everywhere. Bellator, LFA, V3 Fights and Summit FC; four promotions of various qualities who have at least been holding shows for a good long minute. Who’d He Ever Beat? Kinda nobody of note but kinda sorta some intriguing names? His early career was complete and utter fluff but in his last five fights, Wallace has beaten 6-2 Sean Holden, 3-0 Kaleb Harris and 3-0 Stash Kuyukendall. Maybe not the creme de la creme of MMA but those are at least spiffy records on paper. Record Of Opposition At The Time Of Their Fight? 32-29. Little bit of a yuck city here. Hard to get excited about 32-29 with some serious fluff on here like 8-16 Jimmy Van Horn and 0-4 Henry. His two losses were a combined 4-1. Why Is He Here? Solecki vs Wallace feels like one of those fights where both guys are so close, dare we say virtually identical, that it makes sense they'd be matched up together. Watching Wallace's few fights out there on youtube land, I got a pretty good comp for him I feel; Mickey Gall. He's kind of an uncoordinated striker who has some natural pop that needs refining. He's a BJJ ace first and foremost so he prefers working on the mat and even most of the times off his back. He's squirrelly and athletic but maybe without much purpose behind what he does. This is the sort of guy this show tends to gravitate towards.

Kenneth Bergh (6-0, 30 years old, Pro since 2013) vs Antonio Tricoli (11-3, 28 years old, Pro since 2013) Light Heavyweights

Kenneth Bergh Where He Fight At? There are two places you'd recognize Bergh from. The first is Cage Warriors where he last fought at and the other? TUF! He was a TUF 23 contestant (the same season that gave us Khalil Rountree, Eric Spicely and Andrew Sanchez) although he lost in the "Get in the house" round to Eric Spicely. Who’d He Ever Beat? How's about our old pal Norman Paraisy?! Two time TUF try out and Cage Warriors veteran Norman Paraisay was the last opponent of Bergh; a 2nd round rear naked choke win for the Norweigan. Record Of Opposition At The Time Of Their Fight? 23-11-2. That's probably what you should expect from a big dude who has six pro fights officially. That said if you remove Norman Paraiasy from the mix and his 15-4-2 record, you're left with a not too pretty 8-7 for his combined other five opponents. Why Is He Here? He's a light heavyweight! It's really that simple on paper. Dig a bit deeper and there's cause to be made that Bergh is pretty much what this show is about; he's a fight finisher with all six of his wins coming by submission, he had his failed stint on TUF and then rebounded to beat two pretty tough guys in Brett McDermott and Norman Paraisy by submission and he's still somewhat on the right side of 30 given that he JUST turned 30 this month. The UFC knows who he is based off of TUF as well. The problem I have is that Kenneth Bergh has not fought since June of 2017, ergo he's technically coming into this fight on a two year inactivity streak. Vomitando.

Antonio Tricoli Where He Fight At? Tricoli has a ridiculous amount of fights in promotions you'd know of. Brazilian fans probably know of Imperium MMA and Jungle Fight and American fans should still have found memories of Legacy FC. Tricoli has been at this for a good long minute. Who’d He Ever Beat? His BEST win is actually pretty solid regional MMA wise. Tricoli beat Wendell Oliveira who you may remember from TUF Brazil Season Two and an 0-2 stint inside the UFC (with losses to legitimate top 10 WWs like Darren Till and Santiago Ponzinibbio). Tricoli's three losses are all very solid as you have Dhiego Lima (still in the UFC), Jacob Volkmann (had a long stint in the org) and Brazilian fight circuit veteran Marcelo Barbosa who was 11-3. All good comp. Record Of Opposition At The Time Of Their Fight? 91-46! Tricoli has been around, man! His best win is the aforementioned Wendell Oliveira at 24-9 while his losses were to 18-6 Jacob Volkmann and Dhiego Lima at 10-4. Even Wendell Barbosa is 7-3. Rodrigo Carlos by the way at 20-13 is also one of his wins and Carlos is sort of the universal "Fight everybody" guy in Brazil. Why Is He Here? The natural instinct in me is to look at a dude like Tricoli and assume he's here to test Kenneth Bergh. He's the more shopworn of the two despite being younger, he's fought the better competition but more often than not lost to them, he's quit on his stool in the past against smaller fighters and he's on a decision streak. This feels like a chance to test whether Bergh can get into the UFC. At the same time, male Brazilian MMA is really in a lull in the UFC and Tricoli may be here because the UFC thinks that his 3-0 record at 205 lbs is more a sign of a guy evolving into his best form.

Jacob Rosales (11-4, 23 years old, Pro since 2015) vs Jonathan Pearce (8-3, 27 years old, Pro since 2014) Lightweights

Jacob Rosales Where He Fight At? For being just 23 years old, Rosales is a well traveled dude. He's fought for LFA, RFA, Bellator and Combates. He also fought for Shamrock FC which is sort of a gateway into Bellator as well. Maybe he has tremendous representation but it sure seems like a lot of organizations who know a thing or two about a thing or two like him. His last fight was in FCOC which seems like a nondescript bit of business until you learn they have a CATCHWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP (apparently at 165 lbs). Who’d He Ever Beat? Rosales has packed fifteen pro fights into four years. That probably requires a fair bit of barnacle scrubbing. As such it shouldn't be much of a surprise that Rosales' best win is probably regional veteran Joshua Jones (7-4) or Ivan Castillo (16-10). Record Of Opposition At The Time Of Their Fight? 74-65-1! In fifteen fights, Rosales has packed in some pretty good numbers. His last four opponents alone are 46-35 and the number is somewhat skewered by his last opponent, 15-25 Quinton McConnell. His four losses are a combined 15-10-1 including what looks like a borderline inexcusable loss to 4-7-1 Derion Chapman in 2017. Why Is He Here? On paper I feel like there's a lot of good to be looked at. Rosales is a really young guy who is still fresh in his fighting career, he's on a four fight winning streak vs top competition and big name organizations have brought him in. His third ever pro fight was on an RFA card which again suggests that he's got some followers. Watching the bevy of footage out there (including the loss to Chapman), Rosales seems like the sort of dude Dana White would absolutely fall in love with. He's a hyperactive scrapper by trade who throws with reckless abandon, is more chin than defense with length on the feet and an aggressive ground game. This is the sort of guy Dana White likes. It's not that big of a surprise that he's here. I just don't know how high the upside is if he's letting dudes who are 4-7-1 rock him consistently.

Jonathan Pearce Where He Fight At? Pearce is another guy who has been everywhere so to speak. Valor Fights and Shogun Fights are pretty well known regional orgs in the Northeast and it seems like Pearce has done most of his work in places like Tennessee and North Carolina. He does have two Bellator appearances on his resume as well. Who’d He Ever Beat? Pearce's win/loss record? Not so hot I guess. Jonathan Pearce's opposition is not too great BUT he does have 6-1 Omar Johnson on it. Johnson's record is equally fluffy but he did fight and lose to WSOF/Bellator/LFA veteran Jaleel Willis. That's something. Record Of Opposition At The Time Of Their Fight? 45-20 would be the record of opposition at the time they fought which isn't too bad. To his credit of his eleven fights, only one of his opponents had a losing record. The best fighter is Omar Johnson. Why Is He Here? Pearce is a pretty interesting guy; remove a three fight skid which includes a loss to DWTCS alum Peter Petties and Pearce is 8-0 with wins over some reputable regional competition. He's on the right side of 30, coming into this fight on a four fight finishing streak with some of those wins happening in Bellator. Fighters like him are of value and at the very least wind up on the short notice list when the UFC needs a guy. He also trains with the MMALab and they seem to have an in on DWTCS since a lot of their guys wind up filling spots on it. They're the even further West version of Fortis MMA.

Chris Ocon (4-0, 23 years old, pro since 2017) vs Hunter Azure (5-0, 27 years old, pro since 2017) Bantamweights

Chris Ocon Where He Fight At? With just 4 fights and 2 in the same locale, Ocon has spent most of his time in Tennessee. He's another Valor Fights guy. Who’d He Ever Beat? Nobody really. He's had four fights and they're all against guys you'd never hear of. Record Of Opposition At The Time Of Their Fight? 7-3 combined record for his four opponents. Ocon is SUPER green obviously with just two years into his career and under five pro fights. His best win is actually his pro debut against then 2-1 Dre Miley. Miley has gone on to go 6-2 and I think he might be a bit of a legitimate prospect except he's got an eye issue which IMO would have him far off their radar. Why Is He Here? Chris Ocon is in a weird spot here and it almost feels like one of those cases where even IF he wins, the UFC will be telling him that he's still not ready yet. He's four fights into his career, looks moderately impressive in glimpses and has the tools that would normally get them excited. He's just too raw and in a division like 135 lbs where even the bottom half of the division is quality capable dudes.

Hunter Azure Where He Fight At? After starting most of his career in small regional orgs, Azure has had his last three pro fights at LFA. Who’d He Ever Beat? Nobody really good I suppose. Azure has faced some reputable fighters for a young prospect but nothing that you'd hang your hat on. Record Of Opposition At The Time Of Their Fight? Azure's five combined opponents are 17-14. To his credit, he fought just one guy with a sub .500 record so at least he wasn't barnacle scrubbing. His best win is probably Jaime Hernandez who was 3-1 at the time with sole loss being to DWCS alum Rico Disculio. Why Is He Here? Hunter Azure is a more polished version of Chris Ocon which makes me wonder if Azure is the guy they expect to find a home for quickly. Azure has been groomed in LFA where he could develop his skills as main card filler. Watching his fights, you can see that he's got a serious lack of developed tools but a lot of intriguing assets to his game that could in the future lead to him developing into something. He's also yet another MMA lab guy.

Maki Pitolo (11-4, 28 years old, Pro since 2013) vs Justin Sumter (7-2, 29 years old, Pro since 2016) Middleweights

Maki Pitolo Where He Fight At? Maki's been everywhere I suppose. He started his career fighting in Hawaiian orgs and moved his way over to the mid west where he cut his teeth in Victory FC. He's fought in CFFC and Bellator as well. Who’d He Ever Beat? Some good solid regional competition. How do names like Andrews Nakahara (TUF contestant, PFL/WSOF guy) and Justin Guthrie (Bellator and Titan FCvet) sound? Record Of Opposition At The Time Of Their Fight? Maki's been around for a long time and had a lot of fights. His record of opposition at the time of is a really solid 121-56! Not bad at all. Chris Cisnersos and Kassius Kayne appear twice and both guys are reputable; Kayne at the time was 9-2 and then 9-3 when they fought. Maki actually fought Cisneros in his 2nd pro fight when Cisneros was 13-7. They met up again when Maki was 10-4 and Cisneros was 17-9. You also have 28-12 Dakota Cochrane on the same resume as well as 4-2 Andrews Nakahara and 18-8 Justin Guthrie. Why Is He Here? The Maii Pitolo story has been kind of interesting to me at least. So when the UFC started to do work with regional orgs for Fight Pass, they'd fly in a few dudes here or there to be at some events just to promote the synergy. One of those guys was always Maki Pitolo (the other was Jose Torres). It made sense! Maki was a young guy, fighting out of Hawaii, he was the Victory FC welterweight champion and he had a reputation of being your prototypical exciting Hawaiian scrapper. It fell apart from there for some reason. Maki was KO'd in a rematch vs Kassius Kayne and dropped his Victory FC belt. Then he dropped a fight to Dakota Cochrane and he fell off the Victory FC radar. He had a few prelim showings for CFFC and Bellator in 2017 and 2018 plus they tried to get him on the Contender's Series last year. Pitolo on paper is probably an easy sell for Dana and the Contender's Series has been TRYING desperately for like three years now to find one Hawaiian guy. This could be it.

Justin Sumter Where He Fight At? Sumter is a DWTCS alum! He fought last year, taking on Ian Heinisch who is tearing it up in the UFC currently. He's fought for CES and Bellator. Who’d He Ever Beat? No wins you'd be impressed by. His wins aren't too hot but his losses are superb with Tim Caron (DWCS and Bellator vet) and Ian Heinisch (LFA MW champ and current UFC top 15 MW) on there. Record Of Opposition At The Time Of Their Fight? 59-37! That would be the records owned by the opponents of Justin Sumter. Most of that work comes from the likes of 4-0 Tim Caron, 17-16 Roger Carroll and 10-1 Ian Heinisch. Why Is He Here? The general sneaky rule of thumb is if you're a DWCS guy who fights twice and you win on your second go around, you're probably going to get a deal. We've seen Ryan Spann get wiped out in his first fight, come back and win the second one and then get a snazzy new contract (which he's now 2-0 on). Sumter is a fine fighter and a good guy to give a second chance to.

Likelihood of a contract with a win:

1- Joseph Solecki 2-James Wallace 3- Jacob Rosales 4- Maki Pitolo 5- Justin Sumter 6- Jonathan Pearce 7-Justin Azure 8- Chris Ocon

#MMA #UFC #DWCS

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cecilspeaks · 7 years

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113 - Niecelet

Gooooooood eevening, fine citizens. I’m your late night host this week, here to keep you company after sundownn.

Welcome to Night Vale!

As you regular listeners already know, I took over the night shifts this week, because I’ve been spending my days with a very special house guest. Well, more like one and a half house guests. My favorite cousin Sabina is visiting, and she’s 7 months pregnant with what will be my second ever niece. Well, my first ever niece once removed. First ever niece once removed? That takes too long, let’s do – “niecelet”.

My sister’s daughter Janice is a teenager. It’s been so long since I’ve had a new baby in my family so, if you hear a certain knowing, avuncular quality in my voice, it’s because you are listening to an expecting uncle. I’m already getting some of those leather patches sewed onto the elbows of my windbreaker.

All week, Sabina and I have been reading baby books, and I am a veritable expert at this point. A baby at 7 months is as big as an eggplant. She can already get the hiccups and déjà-baby-vu, and has a fully developed sense of comedic timing. I’m holding an eggplant with me here in this studio to practice supporting her neck. Also to make sure I have something to eat when I get home. Sabina’s cleaned out the fridge pretty thoroughly.

Back at my place, Sabina’s been keeping the radio on 24/7, so the niecelet will know the owner of this dulcet baritone already loves her very much. Hello, almost-niece!

Doing all this reading together, it seems crazy to learn just how vulnerable we are, when we first enter the world. Did you know that a newborn doesn’t even have kneecaps yet? That it has a hole in the top of its skull, which must be taped shut so the newborn does not escape through it during the night? It’s amazing any of us survive to the shaming ceremonies at all!

Speaking of rites of passage, the annual Night Vale Science Fair is scheduled for this Monday night. Every fourth grader is expected to report to the Rec Center for a fun-filled evening of free programs and live demonstrations. Organizers say the kiddos will have a chance to make a 1:1 scale volcano, that spews real ash and molten igneous rock. They’ll learn how a pile of pennies can be transformed into a battery, simply by taking those pennies to Walgreens and exchanging them for a pack of Duracell double A’s. They’ll learn about about centripetal force by pouring a bucket full of water, and then filling out a worksheet on centripetal force. They’ll plant a bean sprout in a Styrofoam cup that won’t disintegrate until their grandchildren have set off on exploratory missions to find another planet that can support bean sprouts.

Hmm, what else might be on the Community Calendar this week, you ask? Well, let me work at my own pace over here, OK pal? Like all jobs worth doing, this one takes focus and patience. You can’t just rush through it. As my optometrist says, “measure twice, cut once, then do the left eye.” So I guess that’s really measure four times total and cut two times, but I had an astigmatism so I ended up just sticking with contacts anyway.

Sooo.. [papers rustling] let’s see here. [clears throat] M-h-h-h-hmm, this week’s events. On Tuesday night, head over to the Band Shell to hear a set from Ouroboros, the rock band that only plays covers of their own songs. Wednesday, Ablution in Fresca to celebrate the start of the Andorran New Year. Thursday is Thirsty Thursday. Consume no liquids. You’re gonna get real thirsty! Friday has been indefinitely delayed by weather at O’Hare, and is now pleading with a United representative for a hotel voucher to avoid sleeping in a plastic chair in Concourse C.

Early morning on Saturday, we are in for a rare astronomical treat. The Earth will fully eclipse the Sun, blotting out its light completely, so that only a ring of wispy blue remains visible against the blackness. Now this eclipse will not be observable on Earth, of course, and to our knowledge there is no planet on which this phenomenon could be observed. There’s just nothing on that particular vector in space, but at 4:13 AM on Saturday morning, the total eclipse will occur, and that blue corona will shine softly in the dark, like a delicate smoke ring. And that dim blue halo will represent the entirety of us. Our dramas, dreams, and disappointments. The first ride without the training wheels. Our 8th grade dances. Our double Windsors and our veils, our sleepless nights in waiting rooms. Our rush hour commuters, our dozing through recitals til the one we love goes on. Our crying in the car as the one we love leaves home. Just that thin filament of blue, on which we wage our peace.

The on Sunday, tacos and gun safety with Three-eyed Bill at First Methodist.

Stay tuned, savvy listeners, for in a moment I’ll be sharing Night Vale’s third quarter economic development report. To my knowledge, we’ve never had an economic development report before for any quarter, but the press release looked official, and we all know that new municipal arms of government form all the time. Arms that then pull back to be reabsorbed by the government shoulder from which they sprouted.

But before crunching those numbers, a quick message from today’s sponsor. Equinox Gym. At Equinox, we focus on the whole body. Particularly, the soft and vulnerable parts of that body. Stop by our windowless complex today to meet with a dietician about this month’s promotion, the Zima cleanse. Or for even faster results, nothing torches calories like our calorie torch. Also, new members this week to Equinox receive 60 days of free access to our popular Judgment Spa. This has been a word from our sponsor.

[booming voice] Now to business news. Whoa! Did that sound unusually powerful to you? Ooh, I sorta took myself by surprise there, like I grew a suit or something! [chuckles] [clears throat] The Night Vale Economic Development Board, or NV-ec-dev-B for short and cumbersome, sent a press release at the closing bell of the Night Vale stock exchange. The bulletin said that futures are down, way down. Although the recent past is trading briskly. In response to declining levels of interests, NV-ec-dev-B plans to incentivize consumer spending. At the start of tomorrow’s business day, they’ll launch an abject prompt campaign of xenophobia, branded as nationalism, branded as civic bride, branded as a 2008 F150 Ford truck with satellite radio, air conditioned seats, and a heavy-duty hitch to haul away whatever it is you’re trying to hide.

So make plans this weekend to head out towards the used car lot with your hands in the air and your checkbook in your mouth, to meet with a sales person about financing options. You might be surprised by how few years of indentured servitude can you get you behind the wheel of a Ford truck.

You know what cars make me think of? Well, Carlos. I guess, but everything makes me think of Carlos. And his name is an anagram of “Lo cars”. He’s out of town at Erlenmeyer Flask Con this week, and I miss something fierce! But what I was going to say is that the thought of buying a car reminds me of my niecelet! It’s extraordinary to think that she’ll be a teenager some day, getting her driver’s permit, then her license, then her crossbow - going through all of these phases we all pass through. It’s like there’s a future attached to her already. Inside Sabina, there’s a baby, and seated inside the baby there’s the toddler. And within her are the blueprints for the girl. And soon, she’ll be out here learning to play the sitar and considering vegetarianism, then voting and buying lottery tickets. Well, those are the same thing really. And I’ll get to bear witness to this blooming life. Some day, she might even decide to have a niece of her own.

[tearily] Oh, OK. Um, something is in young Cecil’s eye over here. Ooh! Hang tight, team, I’m just gonna run out and grab a bunch of tissues from the supply closet to remove this bothersome… [key turns in lock, falls down] OK, listeners, I must admit I’m in a state of concerned agitation here. When I tried to open the door of the studio, the handle – came off in my hand and and and and when I went to reinsert it, I found that the hole was (tamped) full of soft hot tar, which cannot be up to code. So now I find myself in a small, soundproof, airtight room with a doorless handle in my left hand and a handle-less door before me. I’m uh… Huh… I’m- I’m I’m uncertain of just how to proceed, uh, I can’t imagine there’s more than a few hours’ worth of oxygen in here, even if the studio’s potted fern works double duty on converting the carbon dioxide.

Oh man and of course, I left my phone in my jeans in the other room, you know, after I changed into my professional radio hosting unitard. I, OK, I need some time to assess the situation.

I’ll leave you to the weather.

[Weather: "If We Live" by Disparition]

OK. OK, OK, alright calm down, calm down Cecil, calm down, and you can beat this. be like the patient viper who does not strike until his prey is upon him. [sharp exhale] Be like the praying mantis whose head is a guitar pick. Keep your heart rate low and your focus steady, and good God, sit down, man. Save your strength. Breathe deep enough to get the air inside your brain and think. What would an uncle do?

Hmmm. Hummmmmmmm. [getting faster and higher] Hmmmmmmmmmmm, hmmmmmmmmmmm-hmmmmmmmmmmmm… Oh! OK, I’ve got it. Easy, I just need one of you to come and open the door. [chuckles] OK, here I am behaving like I’m alone, but of course I’m not alone, ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, I’ve got all of Night Vale listening. Ooh, that is a relief! Come to think of it, I imagine hundreds of you may be on your way already, and I can’t have the whole town rushing over all at once. That would cause traffic jams, hysteria, straightline winds gusting up to 60 knots. [laughs] If you’re on your way, just shoot quick flare into the sky, so that everybody knows you’re the one on the way. M-more importantly so that I know you’re on the way.

You guys, it’s like 8 PM, you’re not all in your PJ’s yet. Just need one person to make the trip. It’s like an 8-minute drive from your apartment, come on! Is… Is no one listening? I mean, the memo from management at the last all-staff meeting did mention low late night ratings but – this is not low, this is talking into a tin can on string whose other end is tied to a fire hydrant at the bottom of the sea, this is utter futility, this is falling in the woods and no one’s there to hear you. This is not seeing the Cecil for the trees, this is – Kafka meets Becket and tells him to talk to the hand. This is – stop, full stop. Cecil. [deep breath] This indignation does me no good at all. Just burns through my oxygen supply, which is running low already. This rate, I’ll never survive until the morning commuters tune in. Just think, Cecil. Think like an uncle.

Ooh. That’s it! There is at least one person listening. Babies never sleep thru the night, right? So you, niecelet, you should be able to hear me. Tho I imagine the sound of my voice may be muffled by the blankets on the guest bed and Sabina’s abdominal muscles. Alright, niecelet, I need you. We’ve got to find a way to wake up Sabina. I need you to kick, brace your little elbows on the soft wall behind you and really kick! Aim for a spot under the ribs, that roof of bone above you. And again. [pants rhythmically] Kick! Good, again! [pants rhythmically] Kick! Good, again! Now give it everything you’ve got this time! Sabina, wake up! This is an emergency! Wake u-

Oh. The station phone is ringing. God I forgot we even had this. uh caller, you’re on the air.

Sabina: Hey, Cecil. The baby was keeping me up and I turned on the station and-

Cecil: Sabina! Oh, thank God you’re awake! No, no it’s not a shtick, listen. I am trapped in the studio and I just need someone to open the door from the outs-

Sabina: Oh OK, I’ll be right there. But I’m starving, I may stop by Subway for a mashed potato and Nutella sandwich.

Cecil: No, please come now! We’ve got snacks in the breakroom pantry.. I think. I’ll set you up with some (gorb and gevilta) fish.

Sabina: Alright. Hey, did you know that there’s a faceless old woman living in your home? She keeps trying to put lotion on my belly, while I’m sleeping.

Cecil: Yeah, she does that. Listen, my spare office keys are by the lucky cat. See you soon, and thank you Sabina!

Sabina: Hey, enough with the lotion, lady!

Ooooohh. And thank you, niecelet! At negative two months old, you’ve already saved a life! And somehow I get the feeling mine might be just the first of many. If you need bailing out of a tight spot some day, you know who to call. I’m the baritone you can count on any time, kid, day or night shift.

Ahhh, man! I can’t wait for that door to open so I can get a lungful of fresh air. Oh, it’s funny how small a room can feel when you’re not allowed to leave. Oh, sorry I [chuckles] forgot who I was talking to for a second. Well, as soon as you’re out here breathing air yourself, I’m getting you a pair of cleats and a pair of baby shinguards and a baby cape, too. I can’t wait to meet you, little hero of a niecelet! But first, I’m making your mother some midnight eggplant parmesan.

Stay tuned next for the sounds of a door opening, a rush of oxygen-rich air, and a wheezing celebration of an overworked respiratory system. Aany second now. Aaaany second. Aaaaaanyyyy secondd.

[long silence]

Today’s proverb: Follow your heart. You need it. Where did it ever learn to walk?

#welcome to night vale #wtnv #wntv transcripts #episode 113 #niecelet

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victoriahousetx · 7 years

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Annual Maypole Festival 2017

The appeal of maypole festivals is well documented. Spring. Dancing. Music. Food. Virginal sacrifice. Okay, that last part is a bit outdated. But on the third year of the Beaumont version of this longstanding tradition, I was surprised to learn it's origin story hadn't been covered in greater detail.

First: a few essential details. The festival takes place in the Tyrrell Park Garden Center on Saturday, May 13th from 11 am to 6 pm. It's a come and go affair, so you don't have to stay the full 7 hours, but you'll definitely want to make it back to catch the wrapping at 4:30 pm by dancers from the Bonnie Cokinos School of Dance. Bring a blanket, friends, cash, and a desire to celebrate Spring. Done. See you there.

Now, onto the main goal of this article: to explore why a maypole festival was started in Beaumont, Texas to begin with. And the reason is, simply, Paula "Torchy" Salter.

I moved to town shortly after Torchy's death, so I never got to meet her. But I felt her presence at many local arts and charity events. It was hard not to be curious about this generous local who made such a big impact on the community. So I was grateful to Sandra Hammerling, who invited me into her home to share the story behind the Beaumont Maypole Festival's inception.

Torchy wasn't born in Texas, but once she moved to Beaumont, she quickly adopted the town as her home. As part of that adoption, Torchy volunteered for and supported numerous charitable organizations such as Some Other Place, Girl's Haven, the Art Studio, the Art Museum of Southeast Texas, and the Food Bank.

"She helped everybody all over town," Hammerling said.

Torchy applied her charitable skills often, and sometimes without much notice. If she knew anyone was in need, she was unstoppable, and she often relied on Hammerling to assist. Sandra recounted one story where Torchy walked into a house to fundraise, and walked out with a check for $25,000.

"She could fundraise like crazy and people would just not tell her no," Hammerling said. "She said, 'I just go in there and throw both hands on the table and say, "Write me a check!"' And they wrote her a check."

When Torchy passed, Hammerling knew whatever memorial she dreamed up needed to be a fitting tribute.

"I wanted to do something that was another fundraiser... that would help a non-profit," Hammerling said.

During a brainstorming session with Melanie Dishman and Carlo Busceme III, it was Melanie who came up with the maypole idea. It made instant sense to Hammerling. Torchy's birthday was in May, she loved to dance, plus there are tons of farmers in the area. Why not bless the summer crops?

"That's just how it all started. She was just such a good spirit... She left you feeling good," Hammerling said. "It was designed to bring the type of spirit she was, fun loving, in one place, once a year."

The Maypole Festival benefits the Beaumont Botanical Gardens, and in the short time it's been offered, it quickly became a crowd favorite. Between the colorful ribbons and the beautiful, accessible grounds, people love to come and take photos. In fact, a scene from the Maypole Festival is the cover photo for the

2016-2017 Beaumont Chamber of Commerce Directory.

"We're on the cover of the Beaumont Chamber of Commerce this year. How much more honored can you get?" Hammerling said.

But more than being the setting for your next profile photo, the Maypole Festival is a beautiful display of what Beaumont can become through charity, love, and community. Hammerling hopes that people will continue to look forward to this event every year, to remember to, "Go to the pole." To share in the legacy Torchy left behind, and to start building a legacy of their own.

"That's our love for Miss Torchy and her little spirit that she left us with, and that good feel, and spirit, and fun, that she had," Hammering said.

"That's the atmosphere I'm trying to create. "

BY Christina Trujillo

#victoriahousetx #High Street Times Zine #Boremont #BeaumontTx #Maypole Festival #Tyrell Park

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gokinjeespot · 7 years

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off the rack #1145

Monday, January 2, 2017

I'm a day late and a dollar short but Happy New Year everybody. I am hoping and wishing for the best to one and all. So far so good. We started off the year with friends and some lovely surprises that made the evening special. No big resolutions except to try to be a better person than I was last year. Do more things that I'm proud of rather than the opposite.

Archie #15 - Mark Waid (writer) Joe Eisma (art) Andre Szymanowicz (colours) Jack Morelli (letters). I have one question: where did they get the money to pay for all the stuff for Archie's parents' anniversary party? The feud in Switzerland between Veronica and Cheryl will now move to Riverdale. There's a lot more nastiness in these new Archie comics then there used to be.

Briggs Land #5 - Brian Wood (writer) Mack Chater (art) Lee Loughridge (colours) Nate Piekos (letters). One look at this issue's cover and you can see that this book doesn't shy away from controversy. Yes those are skinhead brown shirts with Nazi armbands. The menace and violence is not explicitly shown but it's palpable. It's sad to see that some readers have dropped this title, because I think it's a very gripping story.

Doctor Strange #15 - Jason Aaron (writer) Chris Bachalo & Jorge Fornes (pencils) John Livesay, Tim Townsend, Al Vey, Victor Olazaba & Jorge Fornes (inks) Antonio Fabela (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Chapter 4 of "Blood in the Aether" finds Stephen being driven around in a cab by the Orb. It's really quite a trip. This all boils down to a bunch of super villains wanting to kill Doctor Strange. I hope Wong and Zelma can come to the rescue in time. I thought that the changing art styles between Chris and Jorge's pages would be annoying but they meshed very well.

Avengers #2.1 - Mark Waid (writer) Barry Kitson (pencils) Mark Farmer (inks) Jordan Boyd (colours) Ferran Delgado (letters). One of the oddest super villains from the old days appears this issue. I never really got what the Stranger wanted way back when but he sure was powerful. Having this foursome of Captain America, Hawkeye, Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch making up the Avengers is quite humbling. I loved the scene on public transit.

Amazing Spider-Man #22 - Dan Slott & Christos Gage (writer) Giuseppe Camuncoli (pencils) Cam Smith (inks) Jason Keith (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). Now that the identity of the person behind the jackal mask has been revealed it's time to lay out that person's plans for all us fans. Will Peter succumb for his loved ones? The answer may be in Dead No More #4.

Invincible Iron Man #2 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) Stefano Caselli (art) Marte Gracia (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). Half of this issue is Riri fighting a bunch of Iron Mans while AI Tony tries to train her and the other half are flashbacks to expand on her past so we get a better understanding of why she wants to be a super hero. This is the reason Bendis books do it for me. He takes time to show us the human side of super humans.

Thanos #2 - Jeff Lemire (writer) Mike Deodato (art) Frank Martin (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). Thanos's son Thane is assembling a team to kill his dad, who has a terminal disease. The Titan is dying anyways and according to his father the scientist, Thanos doesn't have long to live. There is no cure. Thanos even destroyed another whole civilisation to find one. I love Jeff's writing and Mike's art but here's what I see happening. Thanos will be cured by fighting Thane. Villains like Doc Ock, Victor Von Doom, Wilson Fisk and Thanos will never die.

Occupy Avengers #2 - David F. Walker (writer) Carlos Pacheco (pencils) Rafael Fonteriz (inks) Sonia Oback (colours) Travis Lanham (letters). The two do gooders, Hawkeye and Red Wolf, team up to do some good. I think this book is going to be light reading even though they may tackle lofty ideals like trying to save a fresh water supply from greedy corporations. Remember the old Hulk TV show that had Bill Bixby wandering around the country as Bruce Banner and then Lou Ferrigno helping people as the Hulk? This might be just like that but with Clint Barton making things right as Hawkeye. I do like Hawkeye and David may not be Matt Fraction but his writing is acceptable so I will check out subsequent issues to see if I might read them.

Moonshine #3 - Brian Azzarello (writer) Eduardo Risso (art) Eduardo Risso & Cristian Rossi (colours) Jared H. Fletcher (letters). This was a bloody fine issue from the cover to the last page. This story has more fluids flowing than just the homebrew hooch.

Action Comics #970 - Dan Jurgens (writer) Patrick Zircher (art) Ulises Arreola (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). It's the Trial of Lex Luthor. Yes it's for crimes he's yet to commit and the only one defending him is Superman. The verdict is no surprise to anyone. Now we see if the sentence will be administered.

Saga #41 - Brian K. Vaughn (writer) Fiona Staples (art) Fonografiks (letters). Many lives are on the line and someone does die. You have to read this issue to find out who.

Hulk #1 - Mariko Tamaki (writer) Nico Leon (art) Matt Milla (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). They dropped the She prefix so I wouldn't blame She-Hulk fans for passing this by. Please don't do that because this is a really good reintroduction of Jennifer Walters to the rack. Jen may have recovered physically from her near death while fighting Thanos in Civil War II but she is still suffering psychological damage. Doc Samson hasn't shown up yet but somebody needs to help the lady lawyer cope with what happened to her. I like the way Nico draws Jen but there were some panels where she looked part Asian. That's a whole different take on the character than previously depicted. Jen doesn't Hulk out this issue but she is on the verge. I will be interested to see how much control Mariko gives Jen when she's green.

Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps #11 - Robert Venditti (writer) Rafa Sandoval (pencils) Jordi Tarragona (inks) Tomeu Morey (colours) Dave Sharpe (letters). Larfleeze is my least favourite character in this whole colour scheme. He's just a hoarder and the colour is a mix of red and yellow. He's not even a good villain because his avarice makes him stupid. I find the orange corps to be a bore.

Mighty Thor #14 - Jason Aaron (writer) Steve Epting (art) Frank Martin (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). Yumpin yimminy that was another great issue. The League of Realms fights bravely against overwhelming odds as Malekith continues his campaign against the Ten Realms. He's just laid waste to Niffleheim so which one is next? If you like Steve's art in this book you should check out Velvet.

Batgirl #6 - Hope Larson (writer) Rafael Albuquerque (art) Dave McCaig (colours) Deron Bennett (letters). Batgirl flies home after her Asian adventures and meets up with a surprise passenger. The guy being picked up at the airport was a surprise to me too. I'm sure he's going to make life interesting for Barbara Gordon.

Uncanny Avengers #18 - Gerry Duggan (writer) Kevin Libranda (art) David Curiel (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). Avengers Mansion is now a Marvel super hero theme hotel? Get outta town. Well, aside from that bit of hoohaw I really liked this issue even though Gerry stonged me with a Rick Astley song brought on by the title to this issue. The Red Skull with Charles Xavier's powers is playing a lot of head games and I am looking forward to seeing how the good guys beat him. Kevin Libranda is a fine fill in for Pepe Larraz.

Detective Comics #947 - James Tynion IV (writer) Alvaro Martinez (pencils) Raul Fernandez (inks) Brad Anderson (colours) Marilyn Patrizio (letters). The finale to the Victim Syndicate story ends with a back stabbing betrayal by one of the good guys. They couldn't be more obvious with one of the covers. It's understandable given the grief that character was going through. Speaking of Red Robin, who's the hooded guy in the last panel? This Batfan wants to know.

Spider-Man/Deadpool #12 - Nick Giovannetti & Paul Scheer (writers) Todd Nauck (art) Rachelle Rosenberg (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). This would be a great way for kids to learn how Christmas evolved from the ancient Roman celebration of Saturnalia honouring the god Saturn but it's got way too much adult content for them to be casting their beady little eyes on. For us more mature readers it was a fun time.

Wonder Woman #13 - Greg Rucka (writer) Renato Guedes (art) Romulo Fajardo Jr. (colours) Jodi Wynne (letters). This issue spotlights Steve Trevor, looking a lot like Oliver Queen, as he tries to keep a mind altered Diana from being captured by bad guys. I'm not a fan of Steve calling Diana Angel. It's too saccharine. Whatever happened to make Diana mentally handicapped still needs to be determined and a way to get her back to normal still needs to be found. Those mysteries will keep me reading.

Civil War II #8 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) David Marquez (art) Justin Ponsor (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). It's over at last but not really. This story is merely a launching pad for changes in the Marvel U. Some have already hit the racks like the new Incredible Iron Man starring Riri Williams. Many are poised to start off 2017 with a plethora of new exciting (we hope) stories. There are a bunch of full page possible futures featured and I got to play my favourite game of "who's drew that?". Well, these folks did: Adam Kubert, Leinil Francis Yu, Daniel Acuna, Alan Davis & Mark Farmer, Marco Rudy, Mark Bagley & John Dell, and Esad Ribic. It was fun guessing.

Justice League vs. Suicide Squad #2 - Joshua Williamson (writer) Tony S. Daniel (pencils) Sandu Florea (inks) Alex Sinclair (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). This answers the question of which team would win in a fight. The answer will surprise you. Meanwhile, the third team is about to embark on a mission in preparation for taking over the world. Once this super villain team is discovered I'm sure the Justice League and the Suicide Squad will team up to stop them.

Black Widow #9 - Chris Samnee & Mark Waid (writers) Chris Samnee (art) Matthew Wilson (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). Natasha teams up with Bucky to fight her mysterious stalker. I finally saw Captain America: Winter Soldier recently. That was a pretty good movie. Meanwhile back on the racks, we have the Weeping Lion plotting something nasty against the Black Widow to look forward to.

Infamous Iron Man #3 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) Alex Maleev (art) Matt Hollingsworth (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). I know this book isn't going to last but I am thoroughly enjoying it while it's on the stands. This issue explains what changed Victor Von Doom from being the super villain Doctor Doom to the super hero Iron Man. It's tied into Secret Wars where Doctor Doom was the god of all those universes smooshed together. I figger Victor will suffer another disfiguring accident and he'll revert to being a bad guy again. In the meantime, meet Mrs. Von Doom.

Spider-Woman #14 - Dennis Hopeless (writer) Veronica Fish (art) Rachelle Rosenberg (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). My favourite thing about this book are the friendships that Jessica has. She is going to need a lot of help to get through this grieving period after the death of the Porcupine. But wait, who's this in the back of the book?

Spider-Man #11 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) Sara Pichelli (art) Gaetano Carlucci (ink assist) Marte Gracia (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). This issue is all about Jefferson Davis, agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. I don't mind that Miles is barely in this because it's so well written and I get to see Sara draw the Black Cat, even though I hate chunky soles on pumps. Just ignore the impractical footwear folks. The cover shows Spider-Man disintegrating but that just means that he's not going to be the major focus of this new story, his dad is.

Star Wars #26 - Jason Aaron (writer) Salvador Larroca (art) Edgar Delgado (colours) Chris Eliopoulos (letters). He's Penny's favourite Star Wars hero. Luke may be prominently featured on the cover but the real star of this issue is Master Yoda. Still can't stand his inverted speech pattern though.

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