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theotheroccassionalfanficwriter · 3 years

Text

Written in the Stars

Summary: Mammon reflects on the parallels of between the Lord of Fools and his lover Geldie, with his relationship with you. On the other hand, the Musical was a great way to not stop the audience from realizing how much you love Mammon.

Tags: Henry and the Seven Lords Event, Reader is out there fueling the Henry x Lord of Fools shippers because we as Mammon stans simply can’t help but be in love with him, The yearning and longing is strong in this one, Fluff

Rated: G for General Audiences, I’m surprised too

A/N: I’m failing two subjects lol

1. “Money is my dearest friend and closest companion”

The first time Mammon heard the words of the Lord of Fools, he gave him a nod of approval. He wasn’t close to you yet back then, still a little bit distant but Mammon wouldn’t deny that he liked how you treated him; Gentle, kind, and something almost like you were fond of him. Which was the reason why he had let his guard down for a moment when you asked,

“Why did you agree with what the Lord of Fools said?”

“Stupid human, don’t you know? Money is the only thing in the world that won’t betray you” He answered, a smirk on his face as he made plans to ensure that his scheduled marathons with you wouldn’t be rescheduled.

You had hummed at him then, and Mammon thought that the conversation ended.

It wasn’t until later on, when the whole fiasco with Levi ended did you share your thoughts.

“I think, the Lord of Fools only said that because he lost Geldie” You told him, head resting on his chest as both of you lied down on his bed and watched the TSL movie again.

He made a noise of confusion, somewhere between a hum and soft purr.

“When he said that money was his dearest friend and closest companion, I think he only said that because he lost Geldie and couldn’t do anything.”

He blinks and gives it a thought, “I’m surprised you can say something like that.”

And then he feels like smacking his mouth, risking a glance at you and seeing your bewildered face.

“I-I mean-”

You laugh softly and only curled further into his chest as you smothered your laughter with his body and Mammon feels something warm and tender unfurl in the middle of his chest.

“So mean, Mammon! Just because I’m on autopilot most of the time doesn’t mean I don’t use my brain” You teased him, peeking softly from his chest and as the Lord of Fools start to recount to Henry about Geldie, Mammon felt that the could understand why the Lord of Fools had fallen for his lover.

“I have seen all the treasures the world has to offer. And all of it pales in comparison to a single smile from my her.”

A single smile from you was enough to make him feel as if he had seen the greatest treasure in all 3 realms.

Now though, as he practiced his lines with you, Mammon can’t help but be torn between wanting you as Henry and wanting you as Geldie. He wanted the camaraderie and soft fondness that Henry had for the Lord of Fools directed towards him, he wanted Geldie’s loving and affectionate words be said by you towards him.

“Mammon?”

“...I don’t like the replacement for Geldie...” is what he stupidly said. Almost whining and Mammon hoped, as he sought for your affection, that you wouldn’t realize what he actually meant.

“Hmmm~” You ran your fingers through his hair as Mammon breathed in your scent, sweet like cotton candy, “

“You don’t actually have to like them, just treat them like they’re a customer we’re about to scam.”

Mammon blinked and looked at you through his lashes, “Sometimes...I think that you’ve been holding back from us back then.”

You smiled at him and said, “Maybe...you’re just the only one who knows this side of me.”

The two of you return to practice but Mammon couldn’t help but feel abashed as he repeated the lines the Lord of Fools said to Geldie when they had reunited,

“I loved you once, but now... I understand that I had never stopped loving you.”

He took a deep breath and let out a soft shaky exhale as he placed his hand a top her face, the thick ice separating him from the softness of her skin,

“I could not bare to hide you away from the world but if I knew this would harm you more, I would have kept you close to my side.”

Mammon looked at you and somehow, he felt that he could understand what the Lord of Fools meant.

2. “It is everything to me”

Mammon would never deny the fact that he enjoyed being your sounding board. The easy way you’d just ask him for his time, just to ramble out your thoughts about TSL, more specifically the Lord of Fools whom you had declared to be your husband right off the bat when he was introduced. He liked how regardless of who accompanied you home, you’d make your way to his room and hang out.

It didn’t matter whether or not the two of you had already spent most of the day, you would always go to his room, homework or laptop in hand, making yourself at home by his side, be it on his couch or on his bed. And Mammon would always find himself discussing with you about his day, his thoughts on the Lord of Fools, and whatever scam he was thinking of.

You listen to him, attention solely on him, and something in his heart flutters as he reminds you how the Lord of Fools and Geldie were when they were together.

“But you can’t deny that there’s some similarities with Geldie and Henry tha-that’s probably why the Lord of Fools is soft for Henry!” He stuttered as he felt the weight of your interest, oddly similar to his familiars that you were so found of.

“It’s the novelty isn’t it? That the Lord of Fools is fond of Henry and Geldie,” You pointed out, “Both of them treat him almost the same way, beloved.”

You looked at him as you said the word ‘beloved’ and Mammon felt his heart stutter to a stop. As if time had stopped in this precise moment, with both of you staring at each other’s eyes. It felt like, to Mammon, that the universe was now composed of only you and him.

He wanted to cross the space between you and him, to hold your face in his hands and kiss you, gently and with all he had. He wanted to know what your lips felt against his, what your tongue would taste like, he wanted to hold you close in the way lovers do. He wanted you in the same way he wanted all the precious and most valuable treasures in the world. He wanted you all to himself, all of you, your selfishness, your greed, your kindness, your gentleness, your love, your pain, and everything else that made you human.

He wanted you so much that it no longer felt like greed but something else, something good and pure. And then he blinks and the moment is gone, not entirely, but his opportunity had passed and Mammon let it be. The two of you settle in comfortable silence.

It was easy to understand why the Lord of Fools gave Henry a simple answer. Because as complicated as his feelings are all of it could be condensed in a simple words.

He loved you.

3. “The blood bonds I share with my brothers are like the weak, wispy threads of a spider by comparison. “

“Hey Mammon,” You called for him as both of you got out of your costume “have you ever wondered what would happen if the Lord of Fools had to choose between Henry and Geldie?”

“Is this for your fanfic?” He side-eyed you.

You blushed and denied it but Mammon had known you long enough to see your tells. Before, this sort of realization would have caught him off guard but now...it just filled his heart with warmth and this intense feeling of wanting to hold you in his arms for being so precious.

“It is, isn’t it?” He teased you and you turned to glare at him but his soft eyes and even softer smile knocks you breathless and the words are caught in your throat.

You love him, most ardently, most deeply but you won’t tell him. Because it isn’t time yet, now wasn’t a moment for fierce love confessions, for confessions about how he had taken over your thoughts, how every waking moment is spent thinking of him, his idiosyncrasies, his sublime eyes that is like the morning sky just as the sun rises.

A million thoughts and a million words condensed into 3 simple words that weigh heavy on your tongue and in your heart.

You avert your eyes from him but your hand reaches out to his, an instinctive need to reassure him and yourself, to say the words that you can’t speak out loud.

“I think that the Lord of Fools would choose them both” Mammon answered as he carefully fixed your clothes, and then your hair. Gentle and caring, that it makes you want for time to stop, for the world to wait just so this moment would last, “Because isn’t he a greedy bastard?”

“But what if he only had to choose one?”

“Then he’d find a way to have both.”

You risk a glance at his eyes and you find yourself wondering who would Mammon choose between you and another version of you from another timeline. Sometimes, you felt that you were Geldie, a lover forgotten and yet remembered all the same. Sometimes, you felt like you were Henry, a breath of fresh of air and held dearly.

And Mammon was your beloved Lord of Fools, well-meaning but unlucky, a bastard with a heart of gold so fragile it had to be hidden behind sharp and hard edges.

“...sometimes...I wonder if Henry was Geldie’s reincarnation...” You tell him softly, “...no one can just be that kind and forgiving unless they’re fond of the offender...”

You don’t know what you’re trying to get at, if this was a metaphor or if it was what it was, but you had always felt uneasy of where you were in Mammon’s heart, of what you meant to him and you can’t help but want to label this relationship you had with Mammon. You want the certainty beyond the pact, a bond that goes beyond a pact.

“Maybe,” Mammon’s voice was soft as he leaned closer to you “Maybe it’s a bit like meeting someone for the first time and knowing what it feels like to be home.”

The two of you gaze at each other’s eyes and you can hear the thump thump of your heart. Your face inches closer to his and Mammon’s hand cradles the back of your neck, you could feel your two breaths mingling with each other, the warmth of his body as his lips touches yours and you feel yourself melting in his arms.

Kissing Mammon felt too much and too little, your senses being overwhelmed by the heat of his skin where it touches yours and the intensity of his emotion. You cling unto him, hands moving from his chest to embrace his neck with your arms. Soft and intense all at once, you don’t know when you’ve closed your eyes but once you opened them you see Mammon looking at you.

He gives you a look that you can now name, it was the look of someone completely and utterly in love.

“Hello” You greet him softly as his forehead touches yours.

“Hello” He greets you back, face flushed and yet utterly besotted with you.

And Mammon kisses you again, chaste and sweet as both of you catch your breath. He thinks back to everything that had led to this point, and he knows that no matter how alike he is with the Lord of Fools there was a difference between him and that Lord. His bond with you and his family isn’t as weak as a spider’s thread.

‘Home,’ Mammon thought as he held you in his arms and basked in your presence ‘was neither the Celestial Realm or House of Lamentation, it’s you.’

rottenpoisonapples.com

Reviews for the Tale of the Seven Lords Musical

Removing the B in Bromance ★★★★★

Honestly I had low standards when I came to watch the musical but honestly the entire cast despite being newbies really gave the series justice. But what caught my attention isn’t the acting skills or the awesome singing talent and dance moves, yeah they were superb, but the low key romance between Henry and the Lord of Shadows. There were moments when I thought the two of them would kiss and honestly I wouldn’t have minded it because there’s just so much chemistry between the two, I used to thought that Henry was just friendly towards the Lord of Fools but seeing how the new actor made Henry especially soft towards the Fool was eye opening! the way the Lord of Fools cradled Henry in the Last Act? Gay! The way Henry smiled at him in Act 2 Part 1? Gay! The jealous side eye when the Lord of Fools began talking about Geldie? Gay! The pining and longing when the Lord of Fools saw how close Henry and the Lord of Shadows was? Hella Fucking Gay! I watched to show my support but I stayed because of the romance between Henry and the Lord of Fools - Warlock Dowling

★★★★★

Not a fan of Henry x Anyone but seeing how Henry and the Lord of Fools interacted on stage made me reconsider. There’s just something between the two that makes it work unlike other adaptations that forces romance to the audience - F.H. Death

★★★★★

five stars just for the fact that Henry was totally gay for the Lord of Fools and it was reciprocated. Fool’s Gold - Reprised- was definitely meant for Henry and no one can change my mind - Ligur

★★★★★

There is something beautiful in the sub-arc of Henry and the Lord of Fools falling in love, the contrast of how the Lord of Fools loved Geldie and how he loves Henry shows the growth of a being who has learned love beyond the ideal. The contrast between the fairy tale romance of Geldie and the Lord of Fools, and between Henry and the Lord of Fools is that Henry showed the Lord of Fools the sort of love that stems from understanding and not based on feelings alone. The Lord of Fools may have loved Geldie but it’s Henry that made him feel at home. - Dantalion

#mammon x reader #obey me mammon x reader #obey me mammon #obey me mammon x mc #mammon x mc #obey me!#swd mammon #swd mammon x reader

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casmybelovedass · 4 years

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The Destiel Folder: Season 10

[Season 4; Season 5; Season 6; Season 7; Season 8; Season 9]

Episode 1:

Cas is slowly dying, practically naked, in a bed, and the first thing he says when talking about Dean is "I miss him" (6:35), with a soft smile. "Why would he just disappear?"

... I'm sorry but If Cas Were A Woman, this would look like a scene from a movie or something, where the wife talks to a friend over the phone about her missing husband. JUST SAYING

Crowley: "The girl seemed nice. Slightly damaged. I could see the old you falling for that." (9:29) uhm... who else is "nice and slightly" damaged? I don't know... CASTIEL??!!!

So... these two men (actors Todd Mann and Brad Mann) we see with the DemonGang, are real life twins (9:14).

At (27:18), Crowley states him and Dean did "extroardinary things to triplets" ... and, well, the only twins with a possible other sibling we see are... them

And this is not the first time we hear about Dean doing "things to triplets" with a buddy of his (15x07)... and the first time he was NOT a demon... so, there's that. And triplets don't necessarily mean "all females"

Cas, while talking about the good things that come with choices, mentions "hope, love, dreams" (39:06), and Hannah points out that "those are human things". Human things...

Cas is talking about his own personal experiences with creating chaos, so those are the things he felt after rebelling for... Dean... WOW. ICWAW, it would totally be read it as a reference to Dean. A romantic one. Fight me

Episode 2:

Cas is dying, just got back from a fight that left him wounded, doesn't have enough power to heal himself, is on a mission to restore Heaven, and once again he chooses to go save Dean (9:35), and the way rage builds in his eyes when learning Dean has become a demon. Look at this shit

I might be crazy, but this feels like a touching metaphor to me:

"I think you don't know what you want. Tell me, Dean. What are you? A demon? [...] Maybe you're human. [...] Why don't you do us all a great, big favor... and pick a bloody side!" (22:22)

METAPHOR

Episode 3:

We are reminded that, even tho in terrible conditions, on the verge of death, Cas is willing to risk it all to save Dean, and is devastated by the thought of Dean not making it (4:47 - 5:17)

This is so funny to me, I'm sorry, but Cas is so visibly uncomfortable with Hannah touching him, it's hilarious (15:58)

"I've been around humans for long enough to see how easily distractions occur. Emotions, feelings... They're dangerous temptations." (22:32) like rebelling against your own kind, destroying your home, falling... all for a human?

"I'm trying to keep our priorities clear." Moments earlier, Cas listed "Getting to Dean" (22:17) before anything else. In fact, Hannah says "I am very clear of my priorities... and yours." = Dean (23:00)

Cas is not sure whether the cure will kill Dean or not, and in any case, he wraps his arms around him, and softly says "It's over... Dean it's over." (35:40) as if hushing him to sleep, in what could have been their last moments together... wow. Think about this ICWAW

"Well, I can see his point. Only humans can feel real joy, but... also such profound pain. This is easier." (36:17) Look at the way Sam is looking at Cas looking at Dean

BITCH OKAY!!

SAM KNOWS

POSSIBILE future Empty reference "real joy"

Cas already stated he misses being human, but knows how fragile they are in both body and spirit:

Castiel really wants to be with Dean. For real. But maybe he thinks (see season 9) him being an angel is an obstacle to their feelings.

Only by being human he can truly be happy (MMMMMMHH SEASON 15), but isn't sure he could handle the pain that comes with it. A possible rejection, the thought of Dean dying, him leaving Dean... MMMMHHHHH

"You look terrible." [...] "Well, you, on the other hand, you... *checks out Cas* Looking good." (39:09) full homo right there. Also parallel with Ketch in 13x18 ("You don't look good." "Yeah, well, you're not my type, either.")

The way they are looking at each other here... man.

Cas is so happy to have Dean back, and Dean looks hurt about Cas leaving so soon.

"So... so, you're back?" "At least temporarily." (39:27) bitch, you know that's not what he ment.

In all of this, Cas is trying to make Dean feel better about the whole situation (DAT SMILE 40:18), and Dean replies with "I'm glad you're back, man.", basically no-homoing himself...

Cas starts walking out of the room, but stops and turns back [insert concerned husband here] (40:27), and Dean has that hopeful look in his eyes, like Cas is going to stay, and the hurtful look comes back as soon as Cas is gone

Episode 4:

"On your knees!" "Wow, I'm awfully flattered-" (34:33) SASSY BI DEAN IS THE DEAN WE DESERVE

Episode 5:

Fucking kill me NOW!!! Dean's reaction to Destiel is PRICELESS!! And even before he learns what that is, he just looks at the girls playing him and Cas and... freezes for a moment (13:18) And the eyebrow raise thingy at (13:34)... what's going on in your brain, Dean?

I'd like to point out that the Italian translation for "You can't spell 'subtext' without S-E-X" is, for once, AMAZING:

"It's just that... their bond is so strong it has subtext of a... sexual nature."

THANK YOU ITALIAN DUB! JUST THIS ONCE, THANK YOU! (13:43)

Also at (9:44) Dean immediately reacts to the implication of Wincest subtext, shutting it down and telling the girls to take a step back, but with Destiel he is like... alright

... this is so fucking cute, (25:54) Dean adjusts the girl playing Cas' tie so that it's messed up like the real Cas'. ADORABLE

SAM SHIPS IT (13:57) and is teasing the SHIT out of Dean, who reacts like someone being teased about their crush. Just saying (14:08 - 14:52) [AND THIS HAPPENS IN FRONT OF A PINK-BLUE WALL]

"I know I have expressed some differences of opinion regarding this version of Supernatural." (26:44) ... oookay meta? *turns to "Cas"* "And I want you to put as much sub into that text as you possibly can." ... oKAY?!

Episode 7:

Cas being extremely uncomfortable with women is too fucking funny to me (5:03 - 12:51)

Episode 9:

(15:13) Alright, so, this is a date... what now? Anyway, nice bi flannel, Dean. And the little sweet smiles you two are giving each other? So fucking precious (16:01)

"I ain't exactly a role model." "That's not true." (16:07) how Dean looks at Cas right after that? BABIES!

"How are you, Dean?" "Fine." "*I-call-bullshit look*" "I'm great!" "No, you're not." (16:18) #MARRIED

As Cas is choke-holding a guy, Dean, clearly amused (almost proudly), says "I'd do what he says." (22:17) Like that time with Raphael in 5x03, Dean likes it when Cas gets rough

Episode 10:

Shut the fuck up and marry each other already so you can finally actually BE the old married couple™️ you ALREADY ARE (22:17)

This is the "My husband is so FUCKING STUPID" look (22:30)

"I was hoping you might reach out to her." "... Me? I'm probably the last person she'd want to hear from." [...] "All I know... is she won't talk to me." (23:03) #MARRIED, PARENTS, PERIODT

Shut the fuck up. Cas is the dad trying to figure out technology (23:36) "I'll text you her number. I like texting. Emotions!" DAD

Cas worries about Dean like a wife would with an alcoholic husband

Of all the things Dean could be MAD about at Metateon... the first thing he can think of is him stealing Cas' grace (31:33) (okay, maybe he is going in chronological order but STILL)

Episode 11:

[I AM SO SO SO SORRY BUT DEAN USED THE ALIAS "PRESLEY" (18:55) I AM NOT OKAY]

Episode 14:

Have this deleted scene: Castiel and Crowley bitching over Dean, and Crowley calling Dean Cas' boyfriend

This is some hell of a goodbye-eye-love-making scene (26:57)

Cain compares himself to Dean... and CAS TO HIS WIFE COLLETTE [PARALLELS]

"You're living my life in reverse [...]

First you'd kill Crowley. You'd get it done, no remorse. (Cain had been killing his descendants, for whom he didn't care much)

And then you'd kill the angel, Castiel. Now, that one... that, I suspect, would hurt something awful. [And than Sam is Able, bla bla...]"

AM I WRONG?! YOU'RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG??!!!

Dean gives the First Blade to Cas... oKAY (37:10)

Worried brother-in-laws (41:27)

Episode 16:

This is such a good source of hidden meanings scene! Dean starts his "confession" as a scam. Everything he says at first is to attract the spirit.

He starts talking about seeing lots of women, not being able to control himself, and being sick of it. Then the real confession begins...

Dean feels he's going to die soon, and fears not death itself, but what he would be missing from his life.

"There's things... people, feelings that I... I would experience differently than I had before. Or even for the first time." (25:28) and the priest believes Dean is talking about love.

Well... "people, feelings"... who could he be referring to? Does Dean want love all of a sudden? People he wants to experience for the first time... uhmmmm... Is Dean opening up to his attraction to MEN??!! Or one angel in particular?

ICWAW we would guess Dean was talking about Cas

"Who mixes their blood and bones into paint? No woman has ever done that for me." (39:19) UHM- Dean, what about

6x20 "He has bled, died bla bla bla for us",

7x21 "I'm always happy to bleed for the Winchesters" or

9x22 "You just gave up an entire army for one guy"

ICWAW we would ALL roll our eyes at this statement and scream CAS

THE GUY BLED, LOST HIS HOME, REBELLED, DIED FOR YOU!! HE REBUILT YOU PIECE BY PIECE FROM HELL- SAVED YOU DOZENS OF TIMES!!!

Episode 17:

About saving Dean from the Mark: "We won't- (free Metatron)" "Yes, you will... because you're desperate." (9:44) Hannah knows. Let's remark that

"All I'm getting from you is... colours." (14:26) bitch he is a walking 🌈PRIDE FLAG🏳️‍🌈

Notice how, when we get a Sam-Cas centred episode, we don't get the same interactions with Dean-Cas? Why this?

Dean is always ready to call Cas a "brother", but the only one true bromance here is Sam and Cas'. There are no longing stares, no weird sexual filled dialogue nor tension, NO LONGING STARES

Facts, my people. Facts

Episode 18:

"You killed my friend." "Oh, pff, Dean is fine, mostly. Can't you get past that?" "Never." (12:39)

Charlie being excited about meeting Dean's famous boyfriend is WHOLESOME (37:34)

To have Cas back, 100%, safe and sound, is a win for Dean (38:58) and the face Cas makes after Dean hits him with another no-homo "It's good to have you back, pal." is "UHH not this again". Charlie already ships it

Episode 20:

A #MARRIED couple and their daughter. NO ARGUMENTS VALID (7:06)

Look at how they enter the motel (16:22)

OH MY GOOOOOD!!! #PARENTS coming back home from shopping!! THE HAND ON THE SHOULDER!!! Also

"Happy birthday. I got it at the Hot Topical" DAD

Dean: "Imma head back over there." Cas: "I'm coming with you." Claire: "I'm coming with you too." (17:24) #FAMILY

A fucking family comedy about a dad confronting the daughter's boyfriend and the other dad scolding him:

"What did you do to him?" "I didn't lay a hand on him!" "Dean, that isn't exactly true." "... Well, I didn't kill the guy." (17:14)

Surprisingly enough, this is not the first nor last time Dean acts like a dad to a lost child (AND TWO OF THESE TIMES THE KID IS SOMEHOW RELATED TO CAS) (21:54)

Episode 22:

C: "Claire, you are not going out there. [...] It's too dangerous. I can't let anything happen to you." D: "Claire, you're not going." C: "You're not either, Dean." D: "What?" (19:29)

#FAMILY DON'T TALK TO ME!

"No fighting. [...] Both of you." AAAAAA

This doesn't fucking matter, but Dean just said "... for the ladies. Or the fellas. I don't judge." (36:23)

Cas' speech to Dean... wow. "So if there's even a small chance that we can save you... I won't let you walk out of this room." (39:20)

I hate this scene. (40:11)

Dean is overwhelmed by Charlie's death, Sam and Cas' betrayal, the Mark changing him and all the other shit.

The Mark is taking over, and Dean can't (and won't) help it. Cas knows it. He doesn't want to hurt Dean. He is not even resisting. Doesn't put up a fight.

And just like Colette with Cain, Castiel only asks Dean one thing: "Stop." (40:38) [9x11]

Parallel to 8x07:

The only thing that stops Cas from killing Dean, is him begging, clutching onto his sleeve.

"Dean... please..." (41:08) Cas pleading Dean, clutching to his arm, makes him resist the urge to kill him.

Episode 23:

You can find gifs and the script of some deleted (destiel) scenes in this post by @charlie-minion

As the Mark eats Dean... he starts feeling guilt for the people he hurt... first on the list: Cas (14:54)

(This gif is not mine)

Well... what a season.

[Season 11>>]

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yashy · 3 years

Note

do you have any ideas for what happened w/ melanie & old dolio after the movie ended?

I WROTE TOO MUCh

best question ughhfjgjgkd honestly I have too many ... in regards to the whole literal robbery, I don’t actually think there’d be a ton of kickback, I feel like melanie’s mom would just inadvertently replace all of the things that were taken and melanie definitely would not tell her, but I would personally love to see robert/theresa eat shit for it but I know it’s insanely more complicated than that. if they did find their way into trouble, they would 100% drag old dolio into it as an alleged accomplice, but it would be really satisfying for them to try to scam her again but this time and we think she’s fallen for it again but old dolio outsmarts them effortlessly, and while she doesn’t actively screw them over, it’s just her proving that she was the backbone and brains and breadwinner, locking them up and having old dolio process what that means to her. and I just want the last thing said to them to be melanie being like. She’s not incredible because of how you treated her. She’s incredible, in spite of it. (hold camera. walk out. I hate them!)

also probably controversial but I don’t see old dolio and melanie just being instantly gooey and “I love you” because I’d really love for old dolio to have more exploration with affection and how she processes it and ultimately expresses it, but I think at the beginning old dolio would instinctively avoid a lot of the heaviness of her emotions by trying to fall back on old learned expressions of love*. possibly still trying to hustle* because in her mind, providing for her family* is love and I think she definitely will experience conflict in that and melanie will notice. and I’d really love to see all of the sweet moments of old dolio mimicking little things melanie does and melanie even mimicking old dolio and the two of them acting on their positive traits to learn-out the ones that society itself taught them, and I think it’s a great personal journey for them both not just limited to their romantic relationship,

but like. thinking about the romance aspect next has me asdfghjkl but I don’t think they kiss again for a little while and it’s awkward yet sweet because melanie will thoughtlessly caress old dolio’s arm and she’ll be resistant only because she has this big stumbling confession* that she doesn’t want to ever get used to it so she doesn’t want it to happen a lot? and it’s a parallel of The Scene before the 525$ scene and old dolio is just sweating bullets and melanie is just like. let’s see how long it takes to get used to it. and whatever they sleep in the same bed that night! and it’s just slowburn and lightly awkward but so endearing because they each are working on their own shit but they really really ... BUT when melanie asks old dolio if she’s there because she wants to be and that she wants old dolio to do what she wants to do, old dolio just. brings her hand up to smooth a strand of melanie’s hair and slowly. slowly. moves to kiss her. and we have really loud heartbeats going off and yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have a few ideas...

#kajillionaire #can you believe I have a whole fic in limbo about this cos I’m sure it doesn’t translate !!!!#I also would love if melanie’s mom surprise visits and FOR TROPE REASONS ONLY old dolio pretends to be someone NOT sleeping in melanie’s bed #just good old light trope shit and mel’s mom is like THIS one needs to find someone to keep her company and mel is like I have someone #and old dolio is like I made iced tea. and her mom is like hmm???? oh it’s better than YOU make it anyway do YOU know who it is #and old dolio gives a fake name and mel just looks at her like.#is it because you’re sleeping with her daughter ? and she pulls that joke BEFORE THEY EVEN SLEEP TOGETHER she’s THE WORST #and old dolio looks at her like she’s about to burst into a cloud of BLUSHING CHEEKS and melanie just does that PRESSED LIP SMILE

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spaceorphan18 · 4 years

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What are your headcanons/thoughts about Blaine (by episode) during season 6 after Kurt comes back to Lima? I've read your Finding KH meta and I think you nailed your interpretation of Kurt, but I've never been able to tell what was happening in Blaine's head. Obviously, there's some complex emotions going on- anger at Kurt, a bit of longing because Kurt wanted him back, sadness when Kurt tells Blaine about his date, etc. Season 6 Klaine was very much Kurt-centric. I want to know about Blaine.

Hi! So -- this is just, wow, a thesis of a question, lol! Which is fine! But it’s not a quick answer. So, yeah, let’s have a nice long conversation about Blaine and season 6. I’ll see if I can keep it concise for everyone, lol

Pre-Season 6

So, here’s what we know -- Kurt and Blaine broke up. And, there’s an interesting parallel to the previous break up. Before -- Kurt had too much faith in the relationship, and Blaine didn’t -- hence Blaine ultimately breaking the relationship. This time, Blaine has too much faith in the relationship, and Kurt doesn’t, hence Kurt breaking the relationship.

As we see in ep. 2, this sends Blaine into a tailspin downward into a deep depression. And while that sucks, I don’t think the break up is the worst thing that could have happened to him. Because, here’s the thing. Remember back in season 4, Burt said Blaine shouldn’t be marrying an idea -- but a person? Well - part of the reason for the break up is that Blaine was holding on, maybe too tightly, to this idea that if he and Kurt got married, that would solve all his problems and they’d live in a nice little fairy tale world of perfectness.

Well, real life doesn’t work like that -- and the break up kind of pushes Blaine to see that despite his best efforts, Kurt is a person (who really really hurt him) and marriage isn’t just an idea. It also forces Blaine to deal with some inner demons that he hadn’t before. When they broke up the first time, Blaine held on to his pursuit that he could get Kurt back. This time -- Blaine is under the impression that it’s done and over. That’s it. And for the first time (ever in his adult life) Blaine is forced to face a reality that he has to function as his own person (that’s a good thing).

As we see in the flashback, Blaine’s downward spiraled into depression (something that he’s struggled with off and on throughout the series, and unlike Kurt who has bouts of situation depression, my headcanon for Blaine is that he’s dealt with a longstanding, low key depression most of the time we see him). He isn’t really able to /do/ anything for a while -- until he works his way up from it, starts to go to therapy, and starts to work on himself.

He ends up moving forwards and backwards at the same time. On the one hand, he begins changing things up, playing with his hair and wardrobe, going outside his usual norms such as dating someone like Karofsky. Meanwhile, he goes backwards in that he retreats back to Dalton -- it’s a reset (as well as narratively for the show, which is resetting back to season 2 rules). It’s a safe place for him -- the place where he last felt the happiest, and yet, it is also a place that holds him back. That’s fine, for now, as he’s using it as a place of healing. The ironic part is that this is the place where he can’t quite get rid of the ghosts of Kurt -- this is where they met, fell in love, and where Blaine proposed. No matter how hard Blaine tries - he won’t truly be over Kurt until he leaves Blaine behind. (Lucky for us, he doesn’t choose to.)

Loser Like Me

By the time we meet up with Blaine in Loser Like Me, we see that he’s doing relatively well -- more so than Kurt because he’s had a lot of time to process the break-up and work on himself. One of the things that comes out of all the therapy, and coming to terms with living without Kurt (or, really, any guy) is that he knows he can make it on his own - and that’s a good thing! And while he’s sad about how things ended with Kurt (and still very angry in the manner in which Kurt did it), he’s in a decent place.

He’s happy coaching the Warblers (even if it’s a distraction) and he’s relatively happy dating Karofsky. I made a whole post about why Blaine dates Karofsky and you can FIND IT HERE. Like everyone in this episode (notice the episode only focuses on the ‘losers’ of this show) Blaine is not at his final stop in life. The whole point of this first episode is to show everyone coming to a cross roads where they need to pick themselves up and start again so they can eventually reach the destiny they were went to be - at the end of the season.

One thing Blaine mentions in the first episode is that he was kicked out of NYADA. This is also a thing heavy on his mind, but it’s not a bad thing! NYADA was Kurt’s dream (and really a scam school) -- and in order for the two of them to be individuals in their relationship again, Blaine finding a new place to go to school -- in turn finding his own path in life -- is healthy for their relationship. It just happens to be sucky at the moment.

So, I go into the final Klaine scene a lot during the Kurt meta, but to touch upon it a little from Blaine’s side....

So, keep in mind that Rachel sets this up -- and probably doesn’t tell Blaine much as to why Kurt wants to see him. This is probably the first time Kurt and Blaine have seen each other since the break up -- and probably the first time they’ve been in contact whenever Blaine left the loft. Remember -- Blaine wasn’t just upset about the break up, he was angry that Kurt so ruthlessly and seemingly uncaringly broke his heart. There’s a lot of anger still festering there -- as much as he’s dealt with the fact that he’s on his own now, he hasn’t dealt with his leftover feelings for and about Kurt.

He’s probably of mind that Kurt’s coming to tell him how wonderful his life is now that they’re apart, and how great New York is, and how it’s better that they called off the wedding. So, Blaine’s prepped to engage in this --- bringing Karofsky is one part shield for Blaine and one part shoving him in Kurt’s face to say that he has also moved on and is “fine”. What he doesn’t expect is what actually happens.

When they meet up Kurt lays it out on the line -- he is not only seeking out Blaine’s forgiveness, but he came back to win Blaine’s heart. And Blaine is a little... whoa, what??? Cause that is not what he intended to happen. Blaine plays it cool -- because as much as his heart is probably -- yup, let’s do it -- he’s gotten hurt, too, and he’s not going to forgive Kurt so easily.

And then there’s also Karofsky to consider. He does like Karofsky, and everything is easier with Karofsky, and he can take the easy road that isn’t as satisfying, or risk his heart getting broken again with Kurt. He’s definitely not ready to take that risk. So they all go through the little charade of Karofsky being cutesy. But it doesn’t go unnoticed by Blaine how much the idea of Blaine with someone else -- especially Blaine with Karofsky -- hurts Kurt. Blaine had probably liked the idea that Kurt would not be thrilled with the idea, but actually hurting him -- Blaine doesn’t like the taste of it as much as he thought he might.

I also want to mention, probably as the night grows to a close, and Kurt and Blaine maybe have a moment alone -- this is when Kurt might retract a little and use his typical defense of -- maybe we’re better off being friends. WHICH IS TOTALLY FALSE THEY SUCK AT BEING FRIENDS -- but Blaine probably half-heartedly agrees, and they all try to move forward from it.

Homecoming

So - we play a lot of catch up with Blaine in this episode -- which I detailed more so above. A lot of this episode is Blaine with the Warbers, and helping the new student - Jane - becoming one of the Warblers. A couple of things to point out with this...

First of all... we get to see Blaine as a teacher, and how he’s a good guy, willing to put all of himself into a thing, even if it’s not going to work out (more on that in a second). We see that -- despite his thoughts that Dalton never changes, we see that it indeed does! Not only is he out of touch with this wacky group of Warblers, but he’ll be able to get them to change a tradition and let a girl into the group. Despite Blaine claiming he’s happy with his life staying the same as it is -- he’s still at a crossroads at his life, and things are going to change. Kurt coming back into town set things in motion, and whether he likes it or not, his life can’t stay the same as it was when he was back in high school.

Blaine is a bit distant to Kurt in this episode. In the beginning, he mostly ignores Kurt -- as a way to just not deal with him at all. Later on, he’s mad and frustrated that Jane has defected -- like I said earlier, he’s once again poured himself into a thing only to have it not work out. His anger that Kurt would be in on at this at all, let alone enjoying it, is him lashing out his anger over the break up that he’s still not over. (And it’s especially annoying that Kurt’s being kind and mature about the whole thing.)

We also see the emergence of sassy Blaine at the end -- Blaine isn’t going to back down and he isn’t going to play nice. And while it’s a tad on the dramatic side -- the point is, unlike whatever the hell Will has going on with Rachel, Blaine has learned to stand his ground and stand up to Kurt. And, while this thought might seem a little weird -- his pushing back against Kurt is actually a good thing! And even Kurt seems to be amused during the scene. It means that Blaine will allow himself to stand on his own two feet instead of just following whatever Kurt’s lead is. They’re getting to a place where they’re on equal footing instead of one of them seeing the other as an idyllic partner. It’s a better foundation for their later, more mature, relationship.

Meanwhile - we have Homecoming itself, where Blaine is seen cuddle up with Karofsky. It is his homecoming, too -- he did graduate from McKinley, but he does seem out of place there. Ironically, the song is about being ‘home’ -- but while everyone is literally home, they’re still on their journeys to where their real homes will be. With Rachel it’ll be New York. With Mercedes, it’ll be touring. With Kurt and Blaine, it’ll be each other. Kurt looks sadly on, but Blaine is, again, purposely ignoring Kurt and using Karofsky as his shield (and excuse) not to deal with the Kurt of it all.

I also want to take a quick second and talk about Blam! Because we don’t get a lot of it in this season. A lot of that is due to the fact that we’re playing by season 2 rules again, before Blaine and Sam were friends, and part of it is the nature that these plot lines don’t allow us to see much of it. But I do think Sam played a nice part in helping Blaine get out of his funk. Sam’s a good friend, and probably did everything he could to help Blaine on his feet again. And despite the fact that at the end of the season (reminding me a lot of how Kurt and Mercedes started to go their own way in season 2) Blaine and Sam are just on different paths. And that’s okay! I think their friendship means the world to both of them -- but they don’t need each other the way they did back in season 4. And that’s fine.

Jagged Little Tapestry

We don’t get to see Blaine much in this episode - but there’s still a little bit here for us to look into. First of all, Blaine and Kurt accidentally meet up at the sheet music store, and for a moment it’s like old times. Though - fascinatingly, they’re more adult in their interaction with each other. (I do think this entire story would make more sense set five years into the future, but I digress...) It’s funny, Blaine tried hard to play the grown up when he (and more so Kurt) weren’t ready. But there’s an easiness between them that really wasn’t there before -- they are adults now -- in these adult roles, and I think these two without the baggage of their past, would easily fall in line and in love with each other if they were meeting for the first time.

Unfortunately, the baggage named Karofsky is still around. But what is different is that Blaine doesn’t need the shield (roadblock) that is Karofsky as much as he did. Blaine feels... a little embarrassed by Karofsky now, and the more he and Kurt begin to reconcile, the less Karofsky feels like an actual option for romantic partner.

But here’s the thing -- as we see in this shared fantasy of a song, Blaine begins to look back through all his old memories of Kurt, as they haunt him as much as they haunt Kurt. There were good times, and Blaine’s beginning to remember that. There’s still a lot of pain, too, though, which is why Blaine doesn’t just ditch Karofsky right there.

So -- Blaine does the dumbest thing ever, and moves in with Karofsky. Here’s my headcanon around that... I’m guessing it’s not entirely out of the blue -- Blaine probably still lives at home, as probably so does Karofsky, and I’m sure Karofsky floated the idea out there. It’s an enticing offer to Blaine even without Kurt in the picture. He likes being in a solid relationship like that. He likes the domesticity of it. And while it’s totally playhousing again (oh Blaine), by the time Kurt comes around -- Blaine decides to move full forward with the idea.

In a way -- it’s his (bad) attempt of fully moving on from Kurt -- see Kurt, I can totally be fine without you. And Karofsky’s an easy enough partner that he’ll just go with the flow. Blaine gets his mock domestic life, and a shield against the pain of Kurt. Is it real? Not really -- if Brittany’s decorations say anything -- other than gay-diddy-gay-gay-gay, they say -- not a real home, but a mock up of one. (Did she do this on purpose? I’ll let you decide.)

The Hurt Locker pt. 1

And we get more Sassy Blaine - telling Rachel like it is. And, again, I reiterate that this is a good thing. Blaine’s still that charming, debonair guy we all know and love. But he’s not afraid to speak his mind anymore, that’s a good thing.

So -- now we get to start seeing all the cracks in the Blaine/Karofsky facade. Yes, Sue is a meddling, pain in the ass, but even without her, the fact that this is still a rebound for Blaine is still there. I truly believe that everything that happens between Kurt and Blaine would have still happened -- only at a much slower rate.

So, yeah, before we get Sue showing up at the date, we get Blaine and Karofsky chatting -- and Blaine talking about how much Karofsky has grown. Part of this is exposition to fill us viewers in as to why the fuck this even happened in the first place, but, it’s also there for Blaine to continue to convince himself that Karofsky is a decent guy whom he’s actively choosing over Kurt.

Then Sue shows up and starts making things awkward -- look, there’s all of Karofsky’s old baggage -- clearly, that’s not something they’ve talked about before. What is Karofsky getting out of this relationship? And why has he slept with half the guys in Lima? Is Karofsky even the guy Blaine’s wanting (needing) him to be? And then Sue sews the seeds that they’re related. Which... ew.

Speaking of ew, let’s take a second and talk about Blaine and Karofsky having sex! Okay, now that I’ve lost a majority of you, lol, yes, they’re definitely having it. Yes, it’s probably like a Uhaul mounting a Moped. Look - they’re both adults who enjoy sex, and Blaine definitely is going to jump head first into that kind of thing. As much as we don’t want to think about it, they have that aspect to their relationship. That said -- is it any good? Meh. It serves its purpose - but I don’t think that’s any kind of defining point in their relationship. And in fact, I’m guessing Blaine ends up liking to cuddle way more than he enjoys the sex.

Anyway.... after this disaster of a date, who does Blaine end up talking to? Kurt. Why? Because at this point -- they’ve slowly started to let each other into their lives again. I do think they’ve slowly begun to chat with each other again - though it’s about mundane things. Not the deeper aspects of their lives. No matter how hard they try, though, they can never really get that far out of each other’s orbit. At the end of the day -- Blaine and Kurt were best friends before they ever dated, and that was one of the foundations of their relationship. It’s interesting -- but something the creators (and Darren and Chris) said at the time that no matter what happens between them, they have a unbreakable bond of friendship that goes deeper than fractured romantic relationship. They are fundamentally apart of each other’s lives, and /like/ each other -- which at the end of the day -- is what truly makes their later, fully committing relationship work.

So, Blaine goes on about Sue, and unintentionally reveals the cracks in his and Karofsky’s relationship. Kurt doesn’t say it, and Blaine doesn’t fully grasp it yet, but Blaine’s complaining is more than Sue’s meddling. It’s more so the fact that Blaine and Karofsky aren’t right for each other -- and Blaine’s finally beginning to see that. Sure, maybe possibly being related a zillion generations back and the fact that Karofsky has made his rounds are pretty superficial reasons to not be with Karofsky -- but the underlying theme is that Blaine’s not ultimately happy with him. His heart, as he’s about to get a reminder, is already taken.

Kurt then - in an honest attempt at maturity, tells Blaine he’s going on a date. And Blaine is uncomfortable -- why? Because for the first time, it’s no longer about their past, or Blaine’s anger, but the reality that if they don’t try again -- maybe this really is the end of the line for them. That thought is echoed when Blaine regurgitates Kurt’s line about being friends, and being each other’s first love is special, but not everything lasts.

The sad thing is -- the subtext of the scene is how much they really want each other here, but are both trying to save face. They are trying to move past each other -- but neither is really wanting to do that, even if Blaine isn’t ready to ditch Karofsky and be back with Kurt. Blaine then gets out of there before they’re really forced to deal with feelings

An interesting thought about their physical intimacy -- back in Loser Like Me, they shared an awkward hug, one where they had muscle memory of being each other’s lovers, but remembering they were, in fact, not together. Here, it’s not as awkward, but it’s still weird. It’s a sign, though, that they are getting more comfortable with each other again.

The Hurt Locker Part 2

Where I wax poetic about an elevator....

So, the important thing... before the Sue of it all, Kurt and Blaine meet up and chat -- the thing is, as they chat, they’re warm and comfortable with each other. There’s an ease going on that wasn’t seen in earlier episodes. What changed? Well - they’re fully getting back into each other’s lives at this point. Maybe they’ve talked a lot about how insane it is to be teachers, or Rachel as a crazy person, or Will being insane with VA. Maybe Kurt told Blaine all about his date with a dude who is older than his dad, and/or Kurt helped Blaine figure out if Karofsky really was related to him. Whatever happened in that week -- these two were already clearly on their way back to each other before Sue, as seen in the friendliness before we get to the elevator.

So -- I talk a lot about the elevator in my meta for Kurt: KURT META. A lot of it transfers to Blaine, so I’m not going to go into it as much here (read the meta!) -- but mostly, the elevator is a metaphor. It’s a place where they can recreate what their issues were with each other, and a place where they can take the other path and talk things out with each other. It’s a place where they can fall back in love with each other (not that they ever fell out of it) and a place where they can discover that they can deal with each other long term. It’s something that I do believe they would have discovered on their own -- but Sue just gave them the extra push.

In addition, the kiss is formative. It reawakens that sexual desire in Blaine -- that never really left (though Kurt feared it had) but plays upon the fact that it’s not just a friendship they have (or had) but a passionate and a lust for each other as well. They’re compatible not just as friends - but as lovers as well. And having physical contact in this way reignites something that never really went away -- but creates more cracks in their attempts to move on from each other.

(There’s a lot more going on here, clothes coming off like layers being unraveled, it’s all good -- I cover it in the Kurt meta - go read it!)

So in this bizarre set up, it’s kind of like a fantasy land where they can rediscover each other outside of the baggage of reality. Once the doors open - it’s back to reality, and the clothes go back on, and they have to go back to their regular lives. But something has shifted again -- as they share a smile during the Inventational.

And as they berate Sue on her kidnapping schemes, it’s clear that they’re friends again, and comfortable with each other. (Notice Blaine touching Kurt during their last scene together? This is purposeful as that layer of intimacy they’ve gotten back. It’s so delicious.) But even more so -- Kurt mentions being over the anger and resentment of the break up. While Blaine doesn’t say it, that speaks volumes. Blaine’s no longer angry with Kurt, because he’s finally put that particular pain behind him - whoo!

What the World Needs Now

There’s really not a whole lot going on here, and that’s fine -- they’ve had a lot of the season 6 story lines so far, I’m so used to them being so in the background that this seems par for the course. (Do you see why I find Season 6 so delicious when it comes to Klaine - we get so much!) Anyway, we get a sassy comment from Mercedes about Kurt and Blaine having to deal with each other, but the thing is -- they’re already pretty cool with each other.

And then we get the end -- where Blaine shows up... without Karofsky! Cause here’s the thing. Blaine dealt with his anger towards Kurt during the whole elevator thing -- he’s no longer angry at Kurt. He’s no longer harboring the baggage he was carrying around with him. And -- because of that, he no longer needs Karofsky as a shield. He and Kurt can hang and be cool with each other, and it’s okay, Blaine finds. He can let Kurt into his heart again, because he doesn’t fear being hurt.

Transitioning

This episode is for all those people worried that Sue meddling was what got Kurt and Blaine back together. It wasn’t -- this episode is what really did it. Had Sue not meddled, what goes down here probably would have still happened in its own time. Sue just helped speed up the process.

Also messing with fate? Kurt... I mean, look at that boy rig that wheel -- singing duets are a sacred thing on Glee, and he’s not going to let the opportunity slip by.

This episode, however, is mostly from Blaine’s POV as we finally get some insight as to what’s going on in his brain. He knows Kurt is screwing around with the wheel, and he’s a bit awkward because of it -- because he knows that duet, in Glee’s symbolic world, is more than a duet. It’s a reaffirmation of what they had. It’s an indication that Kurt’s still interesting and waiting. It’s a chance for Blaine to slip out of the Karofsky-armor he’s been carrying around and see what his heart really wants.

So, Rachel’s party - a ‘transitioning’ moment in time if you will. They goof around and have fun and are probably a little relaxed from the alcohol Sam is slipping them. (I’m a little iffy about that around minors but whatever...) And then they sing a flirty duet together. And then Blaine realizes... he’s gotta go. But not without confirming something for himself.

You see -- outside, when they are alone, it’s a chance for Blaine to realize his feelings and act to act on them. He needs to find out for himself -- not being pressured into it by a sadistic puppet if he still feels all the things for Kurt. And guess what -- they kiss, and he does!! Which is why he jettisons out of there so fast. He’s on the verge of letting Kurt all the way in again, and that’s scary! And there’s also the issue of Karofsky - but more on that in a second.

I need to say this -- look, I get that this story isn’t perfect. While I adore this conversation, it does look a little too towards the past, and not enough about how far they’ve come or the future together. I do wish Glee had done just a little more than pull on nostalgia strings, but alas, that’s where fanfiction comes in, so I’ll just do that myself, lol.

So, let’s talk about Karofsky! Or more so, I’m gonna copy and paste what I put in my Kurt Meta because I’m too lazy to write it all out again:

Obviously, Kurt’s not in this scene, but I feel the need to go over it, because it does, in part, pertain to Kurt. And because I think it’s a nice scene. I’m going to give Karofsky a little bit of credit here, and say he isn’t entirely dumb. He knows Blaine’s been acting weird, and he’s known that since Kurt’s been back in town, their relationship wouldn’t last that much longer. (So then why did you move in with him, weirdo?)

Blaine’s been feeling guilty - because Karofsky turned out to be an okay guy, and Blaine had convinced himself that he really had moved on past Kurt. Well, no, everyone and Karofsky could see otherwise. And Karofsky is pretty nice about the whole thing (which I think is to show just how much Karofsky has grown, too, over the years). He’s got a whole bunch of guys ready and willing to date him. It’ll suck - but Blaine can’t change his heart and more than Kurt can. So Karofsky let’s him go.

I think one of the interesting things in this conversation, is that Karofsky tells Blaine to just tell Kurt, not sing it. And I feel like that goes with the whole growing up theme. A lot of the time, these boys have sung their emotions through song - and that’s fine, but it’s also been part of the fantasy – but part of the Klaine narrative has been a shift from fantasy to reality, and this is one of the last parts. And Blaine’s ready to take that step - to grow up and be a real boy, and be okay in his not-ever-changing feelings towards Kurt.

So - Blaine gets running and goes for Kurt. How does he know Kurt’s there? Is this just after school? Why is Walter meeting him there of all places? Idk - the set up of this scene is a little awkward when you thinking about it too much, but I’m really not supposed to. The point is – Blaine is ready to confess his love to Kurt – again. He even wears the bowtie he wore at the proposal (do you think Kurt didn’t notice that? He did). But — one awkward little thing. Kurt’s about to go on a double date with Walter, Rachel, and Sam. So Blaine – doesn’t say anything. And actually – this is a good thing for Blaine! Honestly, it is – it shows growth. He let his life be dictated by his relationship with Kurt once, and he’s going to do what he didn’t before – let go and let it be. It’s not an appropriate time for Blaine to tell Kurt that he and Karofsky broke up. But even more so, it’s also not his place to intervene in Kurt’s dating life and more than it was Kurt’s to intervene in his relationship with Karofsky. Blaine’s trying to give Kurt the space he hadn’t given Kurt before.

Kurt lingers just a little as they all head out. He knows Blaine’s lying about being there for Rachel. There’s a little bit of longing there, and a lot of concern. And oh the angst is hard core in this moment, as Blaine just stands their alone. Kurt knows and is aware that Blaine’s feeling something. He’s ready for Blaine to say something. Look, Walter does not matter (and by the sound of it, Kurt’s been talking to Walter a lot about Blaine - since Walter clearly knows who he is, and is slightly feigning politeness when Blaine shows up). But Kurt’s ditched both Chandler and Adam pretty quickly for Blaine, and he’ll do it again with Walter. Just this scene – isn’t the right time.

If you’d like to read more about why Kurt continues to go on his date with Walter: READ META HERE. And if you’d like the continued conversation as to why Kurt and Blaine didn’t get back together at /that/ second, here’s my A Wedding Meta.

A Wedding

So, here we are -- at the wedding episode which is... slightly insane of Glee, but typical really.

Blaine came a long way -- he had to work through is feelings of anger and frustration over the break up, as well as feel at peace in being his own person, to really come back together with Kurt. (Kurt has his own journey as documented elsewhere.) And, the final ball lands in Kurt’s court, Blaine’s okay with waiting. Maybe they will get back together -- maybe they won’t. But Blaine’s become okay in not only his feelings but understanding that life maybe just doesn’t work out the way you want it to.

Or sometimes it does.

We see boxes of Karofsky’s stuff in the apartment -- meaning that the playtime is over. And then Kurt comes running back into Blaine’s life again -- desperate and sure about his love for Blaine. And Blaine just... let’s it all in. He’s ready and willing to let Kurt back into his arms, and into his heart, and they fall into just as if nothing had ever happened -- except it did -- they both managed to grow up a bit and be okay with themselves enough to be secure in their relationship.

So, um, yeah -- I’ll be the first to admit that there are a few missing pieces here that I would have liked to see. Mostly -- they kind of wall paper over their previous issues with Kurt’s line of - ‘everything was a mess before but now it’s fine’. And while I can piece it all together from subtext from what we’ve seen -- it still would have been nice to actually see that conversation where they talk about being in a relationship again, and how they’re going to move forward. Alas.

That said -- I don’t think it’s insanity that they go from getting together to jumping into a marriage. (I mean - it is insane - and not some thing that I’d recommend in reality) But one of the things that I think the marriage does is solidify their commitment for each other. The ring around their finger is a reminder that they’re in this together -- and I think that gives them both a security in the relationship. Blaine’s feeling committed and good, and therefore he doesn’t get clingy, which means Kurt won’t pull away, which means Blaine won’t freak out, etc, etc -- the cycle is spinning in a good direction!

Okay, most of the stuff about the Wedding, I’ve said in the Kurt meta already (go read that, too! - or I can answer specifics, this is getting long enough, lol) The only other thing I want to mention is Blaine letting Kurt make the ultimate decision to get married. Because now that they’re happy and back on track -- Blaine’s back to being, well, the one who always wanted to be married. And he still does -- so he let’s Kurt be the one to call it -- because Kurt’s the one who said he didn’t want to be married before. But we’ve come full circle, and when push comes to shove - at the end of the day, Kurt does want to be married to Blaine.

(Oh, and here’s the part where I make the obligatory comment -- Brittany and Sue didn’t force them into this either -- they could have said no had they not wanted to.)

Child Star/The Rise and Fall of Sue Sylvester

Well, here’s the part where I joke about us not being able to see Klaine’s honeymoon, and where I lament that we really don’t get to see much of anything about Klaine’s marriage. Which is unfortunate.

But - let’s talk about Dalton burning down for a second, because I do think that’s important. Remember when Pavarotti died and Kurt was set free from Dalton? Well this is the universe (coughthewriterscough) doing a similar thing. There is no more Dalton -- no more safe place for Blaine to go -- he’s literally forced out of the cage he had built for himself. And granted, he’s on the path to leaving anyway now that he’s back with Kurt, but it’s an interesting metaphor all the same. And yeah - it’s more so about bringing Dalton and McKinley together, too -- but Blaine’s being pushed out of the nest, literally, to go off and fly away. ;)

We Built This Glee Club

There’s really not much Blaine here, either - but Kurt later confirms that Blaine has gotten accepted to NYU -- and while I really wish we could have gotten more of Blaine’s story about how he decided where and why and when he was going to go back to school, at least we get this little bit. And like I said way earlier -- this is good for Blaine. He’s got his marriage, and his life is back on track moving in a forward direction -- and NYU is a great fit for Blaine, because it’s a place where he can stand on his own, separate from Kurt.

There’s also a bit, too, a slight (literal) nod at the future - where Will talks about the future - and the idea of their future kids, and Blaine and Kurt share a knowing look.

2009/Dreams Come True

Well... here we are, at the end of the story. I’m not going to say too much (cause I’ve said too much already) but mostly -- Blaine (and Kurt) get their happily ever after. They take off New York and live their life and are successful in their own right as they expect a daughter.

The point of the entire season is to not give us fans everything we ever wanted -- but to tell a story... one about how you can be the lowest part of your life and climb your way back up, and still be happy and successful and get the ending that you’ve always wanted.

(And, unceremoniously, here’s the Kurt Meta again - which mostly gives my Blaine thoughts, too -- cause, love ya Nonny, but I’ve been writing all day, and I’m tired, lol)

And that’s... all I’ve got. I mean if you’d like to untangle something more specific, let me know! I’ll be happy to answer. Hopefully, this makes Blaine’s season 6 story just a little bit clearer. :)

#Anonymous #that's how s.o. sees it #omg this was a lot #hope you guys enjoy #i worked on this all day - someone please at least give some feedback lol

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midnight-in-town · 3 years

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After I completely finished Great Pretender I thought the show come to an end, while watching how the characters going separate ways. Then the epilogue started and I was just like "Oh hell, you are kidding me!?" I am looking forward to the contiunation and wonder how the next heist be like. Est-ce que vous avez des théories?

Hello Anon! Glad you enjoyed Great Pretender, it was a really enjoyable and well-written anime series!

As for the epilogue, well...

...since no additional season was announced for now, I genuinely have no idea as to what might happen. :)

To be honest tho’, case 4 was the most tragic & saddest case which completely turned the series around on its own themes. When I realized it was about human trafficking, I thought ‘oh, nice way to make Makoto reflect even more about his dad’, since we hardly had any of that, aside from case 1 with Salazar. Back then, I was convinced the guy was pure garbage who really had been up to the bad business he was convicted for.

Then the truth came out amidst many deceptions and, despite how much I love Laurent and came to love Dorothy’s character, damn did I relate to Makoto’s fury about his broken family and his own situation (having heard for years “like father, like son”).

Even if it was ultimately his dad’s choice to pursue this path, there is something quite unfair about his mom dying alone (even if she came to know the truth about her husband), while everyone on the team was all about getting revenge for Dorothy. Dorothy who’s in fact not dead, as the epilogue showed. So...

...I really understood Makoto trying to scam Laurent and to make the whole revenge plan go awry, just to prove his point. I mean, first of all that’s literally how their dynamic always went in the series (only bluffing and tricking) but also, watching case 4, I really thought that if Cynthia and Abby had not been a part of this, then maybe Makoto would have tried to double-cross Laurent and his dad for real.

You want a proof, you look at how Makoto literally shot his dad after he fake-killed Cynthia and Abby on that boat. Back then, Makoto didn’t know it was all part of Laurent’s plan and he didn’t hesitate to shoot his dad. That’s how freaking crazy this case (and Makoto’s anger) was.

Of course, Cynthia and Abby knew the risks and agreed to be a part of this, but Makoto really had no choice: he was tricked into this plan and was forced to face his worst fears as well as the truth in a really distorted way and that’s why I believe that everything he yelled at Laurent and his dad was his real feelings.

In the end, case 4 was one way for Makoto to face Laurent and his dad, only to ditch them for good and to pursue his own path in life (which I think was great and necessary), whereas Laurent (and Oz and Shiwon too) finally found catharsis through revenge and can now start to move on.

Except that Dorothy is not dead.

So, if we were to get another season, then I have no idea how it might go. Obviously, I could see Dorothy getting her memories back and, since she used to get such a kick out of scamming others, maybe resuming her old activities? Only for Laurent (and maybe Shiwon and Oz) to stumble upon her without expecting it (otherwise there would be no story).

I just don’t see how this would bring Makoto back though, since he has no more reason to follow on his dad’s footsteps or to work with Laurent, except maybe if Abby is the one who comes seeking him. After all, I’mma ramble a bit here but they are the one dynamic that evolved steadily and positively throughout the show (the way they slowly opened up to each other without necessarily relating, since they have very different circumstances, was *chef’s kiss*).

I’m also pretty sure Makoto has a small crush on her, illustrated not only by the parallel between Laurent & Makoto angrily being forced to watch Dorothy & Abby get shot without being able to save them, but also by the anime’s ending since she’s the only one he seems to still be in contact with.

Finally, I just love their angry little signature gesture that basically says 'good luck, I have faith in you but please don’t do anything too stupid’. xDD

All that to say that, without Abby and possibly even Cynthia, I doubt that Makoto would be ready to work with Laurent again and that’s all I’m reasonably sure of. :3

Anyway, as long as Dorothy or Laurent keep on scamming terrible people, then I have no objection to more cons. I just wish they wouldn't pretend to treat the people working with them as disposable pawns they don’t mind lying to, since it’s pretty clear that they would be very sad if they were to lose them. They’re all playing a dangerous game after all, so better be a united team if they want to make it through!

I hope that answers your question? Merci d’être passé, Anon! Je te souhaite une bonne journée et un bon weekend. ^3^

#great pretender #laurent thierry #edamura makoto #abigail jones #grepre spoilers #cynthia moore #ozaki seiji #dorothy #kim shiwon #anon #answers #my analysis

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xanderwithanx · 3 years

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Chloe does night-time diary posts on HER tumblr, so I'm going to start doing them here, sometimes. It would be nice if you read it, but, please, don't feel obligated! This is more for me to write.

(I got tired of my normal journal, I guess. It's full of bad poetry anyway. Besides, where's the thrill of losing anonymity in a physical notebook?)

I've basically been asleep and depressed for several days, because I had withdrawal after not being able to get my adhd meds. But, I got it today, and DID THINGS. (This is SO much better than before!)

Today, I went to a small café or restaurant (focused on tea) called Alice's Teacup that was Alice in Wonderland themed! My long-standing obsession with Alice in Wonderland knows no bounds. It was a really cute place. I got pumpkin pancakes, and some really good iced tea. Like... REALLY good iced tea.

Still, it seemed like the entire place was geared towards having a pot of tea and snacks with your friends, which left me a bit lonely. The person I asked couldn't come, and by the time I heard back, I was more than halfway there. Still, I read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and watched Monty Python on my phone, so I still had a good time!

I dressed pretty eccentricly and effeminately all day, but, with my facial hair, I was ALWAYS coded as a man, even by people on the street! Pastels, a stupid hat, a crop top, and facial hair was a winning combination.

On my way, I was stopped by some guys soliciting for charity. I don't make a habit of stopping for strangers on the streets of Manhattan. What if it's a scam? What if I'm being pressured to buy something? What if it's a strange political rant? But, I had already taken my earbuds off, I wasn't in a hurry, and I'm terminally polite. The first guy said he liked my energy, which seemed to come from a genuine place, because I liked his too!

They were asking for donations for a breast cancer charity, the United Breast Cancer Foundation. After a discussion, it seems like the charity helps pay medical debt, medical bills, and other practical needs, which is much better than *some* others I could name. I regretted not being able to give their minimum there, as it was pretty high, but told them I'd give what I could when I got on the website.

I... did not. Money is tight, because I'm bad and irresponsible with money, even though this is more than a worthy cause. I didn't NEED to go to that tea place, and I don't NEED to spend so much money on food. Sure, I can justify it: I wanted to go to that place for so long, and it was near the college anyway! But, if I was responsible with money, you KNOW my friends direct fundraising drives would go first, worthy charities second. Still, I feel bad about it.

Then, I went to the college library, to get books to start my thesis research. I have literally been unable to go to the college itself, aside from getting my ID, so this was great! There just wasn't a reason. It was... very empty. I went to the library stacks, which was deathly quiet and deeply haunted by the old books. I half expected something to pop out at me, as I turned the stacks, but I wasn't even paranoid or anxious. It was like I was in something else's house. I was welcome, but on thin ice.

I picked up an irrelevant psychology book on the "schizophrenia problem" from the 1930s, out of morbid fascination, and quickly put it down when it threatened to shatter in my hands.

Some students walked past (which was a suprise in those monastic basement library stacks), and I added something to their conversation, in a totally natural and casual way. But, omg the poor girls, I made them jump! Luckily, I'm the least threatening person on earth, and we laughed it off.

After a lot of hunting, I got 5 out of my 10 books (for the most part)! (The rest are, sadly, online. I like to read physical copies.) Strangely, I only came in with a list to get 3 books out of 6.

Most of the books I got are about art in the AIDS crisis, which is the core of my thesis, I think, all with different value. One about exhibitions, one about the larger narrative of those gay artists, and another contradicting the larger narrative.

I also got a book about "Art and Homosexuality". Just, the parallel construction of both "art" and "homosexuality" across cultures and times, from earliest history to the modern age. It wasn't on my initial list, but I'm really excited to read it.

Finally, I got a book called "The Thief, the Cross and the Wheel", about the pain and spectacle of punishment in Medieval and Renaissance European art. I'm mainly interested in Italian Renaissance art of the crucifixion--and its masochism--for the second quarter of my thesis.

The rest are online, and Should mostly focus on Bacchus in the Italian Renaissance (especially through art) and what I call the art of "gay liberation", concurrent with the AIDS crisis (i.e. The Cockettes). These two topics make up the last half of my thesis.

I'm SO excited to get started!!

I even got to cross the college's sky-bridges! (The college is a few skyscrapers.) Still, the loneliness and novelty were kind of the same thought. Imagine if I had been here before COVID, or, if COVID hadn't happened. Who would I have been able to meet? What would the college buildings mean to me? Because, for now, they're just buildings. But, I got to see the street from above, and that was amazing!

Just walking through New York--the Upper East Side--on a cool, sunny day was beautiful. It takes 20-30 minutes to get from my place to the college (and the tea place), but it was great being able to listen to my music (a lot of They Might Be Giants on the playlist today) and see the city. You know, people, super cool old architecture being pushed out by terrible new architecture, and pigeons.

Oh my god, the pigeons. I took pictures, but none of them are good. I kept thinking about how pigeons and doves are functionally the same. We domesticated pigeons, which is why they're here, and no one is stopping to notice them? Even the ones that were splotched with pure white, like doves? There's only so many pigeons you can take until they're just white noise and a nuisance, I know, so don't think I'm blaming anyone! But it's so hard to look away from these quirky little birds.

Also, at one point my walk, I was vaping very strategicly. The mental task of searching through library stacks will do that to you, when you already have an addiction to nicotine. I made sure no one was around, and no one would be affected. I stopped on a corner next to an old, ornate Catholic church while the traffic light changed, and I almost juuled right next to a priest! I'm glad I stopped. I don't believe in Hell, but, I would have walked down there myself had I vaped at a priest. Still, the church advertised itself as LGBT+ friendly, so maybe they aren't so trigger happy on the damnation. Either way, I DIDN'T vape at a priest today, which is good.

Once I got back, I spent a few hours watching things with my amazing girlfriend Chloe, who you may know here as @cisphobiccommunistopinions. She is so beautiful, and I love her more every day, every time I see her. God, it's almost been 5 years!

I just wish I could spend more time with her. She's in Virginia, and I'm in New York. Like she said to me earlier, I'm flighty at the best of times, and, with my lack of object permanence for the digital world, I find myself not giving her the attention I deserve, or, the full connection I long to have with her. We used to live together. Luckily, someday we will live together again! All these problems won't be forever, and we can live together again.

We watched a lot of things, but we're pretty deep into Serial Experiments Lain right now. It's a postmodern anime from the 90s, and, wow, do I have no idea what's going on in it. It's about the internet, and potentially schizophrenia as well. However, I'm obsessed! One day I'll be able to crack this artistic code, and it's unreality, thematic knots, and double-meanings. I will probably understand it better on the second watch. I don't see myself in Lain, but I see my 14 year old self in her, when I had just developed schizophrenia. Her cyberpunk fate seems like it's railroaded towards tragedy, but I want to save her, even if it's silly and irrational.

I told Chloe that I was scared about spilling apple cider on my library books, and she referred to it as "The Great Apple Juice Disaster of September 11, 2021." To which I said that it was the second worst thing to happen in New York on that date. It was funnier if you were there, and also were in my brain at the time.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting some online acquaintances from the college's "Queer Srudent Union" at a Japanese Culture Fair in a park. (I do not know which park.) It emphasizes "fun"! I don't know them very well, but they're friends with the one person I know irl, so it should be good.

Tomorrow night, I should Probably head downtown to check out a gallery show by MFA (masters of fine arts) students at Hunter! After all, I was in a group project with one of them, and they're absolutely brilliant. I missed the Thursday gallery opening by a landslide, because of the aforementioned lack of adhd meds and Being Asleep, which I infinitely regret. I could have listened to all the artists and curators talk about their art and exhibition! Maybe I could have even talked with the artists and curators. But, it's best for me to go sooner, rather than later, so I don't forget. And, I REALLY want to go.

It's "This dialogue which happened to be present in all other dialogues" at the Alyssa Davis Gallery. From the email I got, "Each of these works observes a threshold of transition. [...] [These] intimations [are] of a frame of mind shared by the artists. These works perform, record, access, engage, document, and entrap, embalming the viewer within the gallery space."

sgp is a really good artist, by the way. Their work is just next-level. Be sure to check out their art, if you have a chance. Let me link their portfolio: https://saragracepowell.com/

(I highly suspect spg and the other member of my group project ghosted me afterwards, but I understand. I was really in over my head. Still, they're both really sweet and kind people, don't get it twisted!)

I ALSO really want to see The Cake Boys. They're performing at the 3 Dollar Bill in Brooklyn on September 26th. (It's only $15!) They're the only all drag king collective in NYC! (Are... there any Other all drag king collectives out there?) Other than the fact that a lot of them are trans or nonbinary, which I love, this show is a totally non-judgmental competition for over 40 drag kings! I've heard their shows are hilarious and unique.

I just have to wait until I have $15 to spare. I... didn't eat dinner tonight, because I'm irresponsible with my money and don't want to ask my parents for money... again. Don't worry, it's literally fine, and I don't make a habit of doing this!

Which reminds me! For my birthday, my parents gave me a gift card to Lush! I'm definitely going to Lush tomorrow, which will be great. I would describe my personality as "Lush store employee acosting you about a bath bomb demonstration", so I'll fit right in.

I also made a transition timeline, to show how much I've changed on testosterone. For the better, I hope! I really believe I'm becoming, if not Have Become, the man I was always meant to be. It's so strange to look back at who I was not too long ago, and to know the absolute pain I was in. It's also strange, in a good way, to see the man looking back at me in the selfies. I'm so much happier now! Much more candid in my pictures, at least. But, I know that I'm so much more comfortable as myself than I was even 6 months ago. It's strange. Sometimes I think to myself, "I don't pass yet; I'm not who I Need To Be yet." Then, I look at my selfie from today, and... I'm THERE. My mind just hasn't caught up with my amazing, natural, normal reality.

The end. I have to get ready for bed, (even though I could be partying on a Saturday night in the city. I'm lame.) If you actually read this, I am kissing you on the mouth right now. I hope it made you calm down tonight, like a terrible bedtime story. If you didn't read it and just skipped to the end, don't worry: you did the rational thing.

#long post #diary entry

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bananaofswifts · 3 years

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Your guide to the singer-songwriter’s surprise follow-up to Folklore.

CARL WILSON

When everything’s clicking for Taylor Swift, the risk is that she’s going to push it too far and overtax the public appetite. On “Mirrorball” from Folklore, she sings, with admirable self-knowledge, “I’ve never been a natural/ All I do is try, try, try.” So when I woke up yesterday to the news that at midnight she was going to repeat the trick she pulled off with Folklore in July—surprise-releasing an album of moody pop-folk songs remote-recorded in quarantine with Aaron Dessner of the National as well as her longtime producer Jack Antonoff—I was apprehensive. Would she trip back into the pattern of overexposure and backlash that happened between 1989 and Reputation?

Listening to the new Evermore, though, that doesn’t feel like such a threat. A better parallel might be to the “Side B” albums that Carly Rae Jepsen put out after both Emotion and Dedicated, springing simply out of the artist’s and her fans’ mutual enthusiasm. Or, closer to Swift’s own impulses here, publishing an author’s book of short stories soon after a successful novel. Lockdown has been a huge challenge for musicians in general, but it liberated Swift from the near-perpetual touring and publicity grind she’s been on since she was a teen, and from her sense of obligation to turn out music that revs up stadium crowds and radio programmers. Swift has always seemed most herself as the precociously talented songwriter; the pop-star side is where her try-hard, A-student awkwardness surfaces most. Quarantine came as a stretch of time to focus mainly on her maturing craft (she turns 31 on Sunday), to workshop and to woodshed. When Evermore was announced, she said that she and her collaborators—clearly mostly Dessner, who co-writes and/or co-produces all but one of these 15 songs—simply didn’t want to stop writing after Folklore.

This record further emphasizes her leap away from autobiography into songs that are either pure fictions or else lyrically symbolic in ways that don’t act as romans à clef. On Folklore, that came with the thrill of a breakthrough. Here, she fine-tunes the approach, with the result that Evermore feels like an anthology, with less of an integrated emotional throughline. But that it doesn’t feel as significant as Folklore is also its virtue. Lowered stakes offer permission to play around, to joke, to give fewer fucks—and this album definitely has the best swearing in Swift’s entire oeuvre.

Because it’s nearly all Dessner overseeing production and arrangements, there isn’t the stylistic variety that Antonoff’s greater presence brought to Folklore. However, Swift and Dessner seem to have realized that the maximalist-minimalism that dominated Folklore, with layers upon layers of restrained instrumental lines for the sake of atmosphere, was too much of a good thing. There are more breaks in the ambience on Evermore, the way there was with Folklore’s “Betty,” the countryish song that was among many listener’s favorites. But there are still moments that hazard misty lugubriousness, and perhaps with reduced reward.

Overall, people who loved Folklore will at least like Evermore too, and the minority of Swift appreciators who disapproved may even warm up to more of the sounds here. I considered doing a track-by-track comparison between the two albums, but that seemed a smidgen pathological. Instead, here is a blatantly premature Day 1 rundown of the new songs as I hear them.

A pleasant yet forgettable starting place, “Willow” has mild “tropical house” accents that recall Ed Sheeran songs of yesteryear, as well as the prolix mixed metaphors Swift can be prone to when she’s not telling a linear story. But not too severely. I like the invitation to a prospective lover to “wreck my plans.” I’m less sure why “I come back stronger than a ’90s trend” belongs in this particular song, though it’s witty. “Willow” is more fun as a video (a direct sequel to Folklore’s “Cardigan” video) than as a lead track, but I’m not mad at it here either.

Written with “William Bowery”—the pseudonym of Swift’s boyfriend Joe Alwyn, as she’s recently confirmed—this is the first of the full story songs on Evermore, in this case a woman describing having walked away from her partner on the night he planned to propose. The music is a little floaty and non-propulsive, but the tale is well painted, with Swift’s protagonist willingly taking the blame for her beau’s heartbreak and shrugging off the fury of his family and friends—“she would have made such a lovely bride/ too bad she’s fucked in the head.” Swift sticks to her most habitual vocal cadences, but not much here goes to waste. Except, that is, for the title phrase, which doesn’t feel like it adds anything substantial. (Unless the protagonist was drunk?) I do love the little throwaway piano filigree Dessner plays as a tag on the end.

This is the sole track Antonoff co-wrote and produced, and it’s where a subdued take on the spirit of 1989-style pop resurges with necessary energy. Swift is singing about having a crush on someone who’s too attractive, too in-demand, and relishing the fantasy but also enjoying passing it up. It includes some prime Swiftian details, like, “With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from your door,” or, “At dinner parties I call you out on your contrarian shit.” The line about this thirst trap’s “hair falling into place like dominos” I find much harder to picture.

This is where I really snapped to attention. After a few earlier attempts, Swift has finally written her great Christmas song, one to stand alongside “New Year’s Day” in her holiday canon. And it’s especially a great one for 2020, full of things none of us ought to do this year—go home to visit our parents, hook up with an ex, spend the weekend in their bedroom and their truck, then break their hearts again when we leave. But it’s done with sincere yuletide affection to “the only soul who can tell which smiles I’m faking,” and “the warmest bed I’ve ever known.” All the better, we get to revisit these characters later on the album.

On first listen, I found this one of the draggiest Dressner compositions on the record. Swift locates a specific emotional state recognizably and poignantly in this song about a woman trapped (or, she wonders, maybe not trapped?) in a relationship with an emotionally withholding, unappreciative man. But the static keyboard chord patterns and the wandering melody that might be meant to evoke a sense of disappointment and numbness risk yielding numbing and disappointing music. Still, it’s growing on me.

Featuring two members of Haim—and featuring a character named after one of them, Este—“No Body, No Crime” is a straight-up contemporary country song, specifically a twist on and tribute to the wronged-woman vengeance songs that were so popular more than a decade ago, and even more specifically “Before He Cheats,” the 2006 smash by Carrie Underwood, of which it’s a near musical clone, just downshifted a few gears. Swift’s intricate variation on the model is that the singer of the song isn’t wreaking revenge on her own husband, but on her best friend’s husband, and framing the husband’s mistress for the murder. It’s delicious, except that Swift commits the capital offence of underusing the Haim sisters purely as background singers, aside from one spoken interjection from Danielle.

This one has some of the same issues as “Tolerate It,” in that it lags too much for too long, but I did find more to focus on musically here. Lyrically and vocally, it gets the mixed emotions of a relatively amicable divorce awfully damned right, if I may speak from painfully direct experience.

This is the song sung from the POV of the small-town lover that the ambitious L.A. actress from “Tis the Damn Season”—Dorothea, it turns out—has left behind in, it turns out, Tupelo. Probably some years past that Xmas tryst, when the old flame finally has made it. “A tiny screen’s the only place I see you now,” he sings, but adds that she’s welcome back anytime: “If you’re ever tired of being known/ For who you know/ You know that you’ll always know me.” It’s produced and arranged with a welcome lack of fuss. Swift hauls out her old high-school-romance-songs vocal tone to reminisce about “skipping the prom/ just to piss off your mom,” very much in the vein of Folklore’s teen-love-triangle trilogy.

A duet with Dessner’s baritone-voiced bandmate in the National, Matt Berninger, “Coney Island” suffers from the most convoluted lyrics on Evermore (which, I wonder unkindly, might be what brought Berninger to mind?). The refrain “I’m on a beach on Coney Island, wondering where did my baby go” is a terrific tribute to classic pop, but then Swift rhymes it with “the bright lights, the merry go,” as if that’s a serviceable shorthand for merry-go-round, and says “sorry for not making you my centerfold,” as if that’s somehow a desirable relationship outcome. The comparison of the bygone affair to “the mall before the internet/ It was the one place to be” is clever but not exactly moving, and Berninger’s lines are worse. Dessner’s droning arrangement does not come to the rescue.

This song is also overrun with metaphors but mostly in an enticing, thematically fitting way, full of good Swiftian dark-fairytale grist. It’s fun to puzzle out gradually the secret that all the images are concealing—an engaged woman being drawn into a clandestine affair. And there are several very good “goddamns.”

The lyrical conceit here is great, about two gold-digging con artists whose lives of scamming are undone by their falling in love. It reminded me of the 1931 pre-Code rom-com Blonde Crazy, in which James Cagney and Joan Blondell act out a very similar storyline. And I mostly like the song, but I can’t help thinking it would come alive more if the music sounded anything like what these self-declared “cowboys” and “villains” might sing. It’s massively melancholy for the story, and Swift needs a far more winningly roguish duet partner than the snoozy Marcus Mumford. It does draw a charge from a couple of fine guitar solos, which I think are played by Justin Vernon (aka Bon Iver, who will return shortly).

The drum machine comes as a refreshing novelty at this point. And while this song is mostly standard Taylor Swift torrents of romantic-conflict wordplay (full of golden gates and pedestals and dropping her swords and breaking her high heel, etc.), the pleasure comes in hearing her look back at all that and shrugging, “Long story short, it was a bad ti-i-ime,” “long story short, it was the wrong guy-uy-uy,” and finally, “long story short, I survived.” She passes along some counsel I’m sure she wishes she’d had back in the days of Reputation: “I wanna tell you not to get lost in these petty things/ Your nemeses will defeat themselves.” It’s a fairly slight song but an earned valedictory address.

Swift fan lore has it that she always sequences the real emotional bombshell as Track 5, but here it is at 13, her lucky number. It’s sung to her grandmother, Marjorie Finlay, who died when Swift was in her early teens, and it manages to be utterly personal—down to the sample of Marjorie singing opera on the outro—and simultaneously utterly evocative to anyone who’s been through such grief. The bridge, full of vivid memories and fierce regrets, is the clincher.

This electroacoustic kiss-off song, loaded up with at least a fistful of gecs if not a full 100 by Dessner and co-producers BJ Burton and James McAlister, seems to be, lyrically, one of Swift’s somewhat tedious public airings of some music-industry grudge (on which, in case you don’t get it, she does not want “closure”), but, sonically, it’s a real ear-cleaner at this point on Evermore. Why she seems to shift into a quasi-British accent for fragments of it is anyone’s guess. But I’m tickled by the line, “I’m fine with my spite and my tears and my beers and my candles.”

I’m torn about the vague imagery and vague music of the first few verses of the album’s final, title track. But when Vernon, in full multitracked upper-register Bon Iver mode, kicks in for the duet in the middle, there’s a jolt of urgency that lands the redemptive ending—whether it’s about a crisis in love or the collective crisis of the pandemic or perhaps a bit of both—and satisfyingly rounds off the album.

#taylor-swift #pop #rock #country-music

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cinaed · 4 years

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Red vs Blue Season 3 Rewatch

Slowly making my way through my DVD collection of Red vs Blue!

"You can't die! I'm bored!" Donut is so ruthless in the earlier seasons and I love it.

We really needed more Tex and Sheila girltime, talking about gender inequality and workplace harassment.

Simmons actually calling himself Simmons 2.0 manages to be both hilarious and sad.

Yes, Sarge and Caboose team up! Season 3 has some of my favorite odd couples, and Sarge and Caboose is one of my favorites. Sarge being furious that Doc has a higher body count than he does, Caboose's dedication to nap time.

I love Caboose's moral boost! He's great at compliments even if Sarge doesn't appreciate them.

I know these zealots were like a mostly one-off joke, but also like...they could be a creepy potential experiment in making soldiers that can't die, which I wouldn't put past anyone in the Halo universe.

I love the blame game of who came up with the plan that ended up with everyone scattered across the galaxy. Sarge: "My only choice is to blame Grif, for coming up with such a flawed plan. Stupid, stupid Grif." Grif: "I should have never listened to Donut's stupid fucking plan."

Church and Grif in jail is one of my all-time favorite things.

Simmons is such a tech savvy guy, reworking the teleporters to make them communication devices as well! He just wants some love and support.

Caboose getting angry. I mean, who wouldn't get angry at kittens with spikes that you couldn't cuddle?

"Simmons, you get an F in efficiency. But I have to give you an A+ in dramatic timing."

I do love O'Malley and Doc's dynamic. The Do Not Call list!

I love Tex's half-truths about the Freelancers.

Also love Sarge calling Caboose a little rascal and Simmons just seething with jealousy. And he's also jealous about Donut!

Church: There's no "I" in team, Grif. Grif: Yeah, there's no "U" either. So I guess if I'm not on the team, and you're not on the team, nobody's on the God damn team. The team sucks!

I may or may not quote that to myself on a weekly basis.

Again, just Church and Grif together in that prison cell is sheer perfection. As is Church going "Wait, the people outside sound like they're winning, that can't be our teams."

Tucker likes Sheila so much! And she packed them food! Well, the AI equivalent of food, but it's the thought that counts! Just the sheer affection in Tucker's voice as he promises her they'll be back gave me emotions.

And another good moment of Simmons being the one to suggest they track down Grif, because no one else was going to.

In retrospect, Grif has clearly watched some prison pornos. Like... Buddy.

Wyoming calling Tex Allison has so many interesting implications.

Simmons re-engineers stuff, Sarge makes a weather control device. Where's the AU where Sarge is a mad scientist.

Simmons asking Grif if he's okay after prison. Just loving the slow build of friendship between them.

Also big parallels of Church's "Misery loves company" and his willingness to let the bomb blow them all up together to later seasons stuff.

I still love that everyone's go-to explanation for stuff is "time travel."

Donut is too thin-skinned about criticism for his play. He'd never survive on Broadway, lol. But I love everything about the time travel show.

How is Tucker the smartest person in this group? But also Tucker being so worried about Church. I am having a lot of Tucker feelings this season.

I love Grif's devotion to cheesy disaster movies.

Caboose: Look what I found. Donut: I found it! Caboose: Look at what I took credit for finding.

Poor Donut! A grenade to the head and now his hand got chopped up.

Grif: Hey, what're you doing? Simmons: What does it look like I'm doing, I'm getting in the jeep. Grif: What're we, on a date? Get in the back. Simmons: Oh you're so insecure.

I would've watched an entire season of Doc and O'Malley and Lopez's Lair Improvements. And when Doc mentions a real estate agent all I can think of is an AU where Doc meets Kai because she's running her business on the side while in the military. But also Doc's motivational powers in the living room, O'Malley's belief that the cat won't hang on until Friday, it's great.

The iconic jeep conversation is still good now as it was back then. Re-enacting Dukes of Hazzard! "I can tell you what we weren't doing."

Grif's mind immediately going to gay stuff as a favor from Tex. Between this and his prison conversation with Church, someone is protesting way too much.

Sarge's plans are so amazingly terrible. I love them.

Grif getting choked up over hating Blue Team and Tucker and missing the days where they all just stood around and talked a lot.

Tex sounding genuinely concerned when Tucker falls into the hall. Luckily he gets a cool sword out of it!

Tex's conversation with Simmons about shooting Lopez's head is a great example of an eloquent helmet look. Tex doesn't even say a word and you can feel the disbelief and rage when Simmons implies she may have missed.

Church: Caboose, I know you're there. I'm leaving this message from two thousand years in the past. Whatever you do, don't, touch, anything. Apparently you're this culture's version of the apocalypse. You're going to destroy this building, and somehow bring about doom for their entire race. Caboose: Mmmmmmnooo... that doesn't sound like me. I like people. And buildings also.

Time for some actual time travel or at least a simulation. But I do love Butch Flowers, haha. Whose greatest enemy is apathy! Love watching Church just make his own life worse. Also love the bit about Sheila having been made in Mexico.

"Man... First I kill myself, then I realise I'm a honkin' dork. Not a very good day to be me."

Church: I learned a very valuable lesson in my travels, Tucker. No matter how bad things might seem- Caboose: They could be worse. Church: Nope, no matter how bad they seem, they can't be any better, and they can't be any worse, because that's the way things fucking are, and you better get used to it Nancy. Quit yer bitching.

Grif and Simmons and Sarge talking about the Blues, and Simmons saying he's not looking for friends and doesn't like his current crop AKA he just accidentally admitted Grif is his friend. Grif just didn't realize it.

Between the warthog and monkeying about discussions, Church and Grif really are on the same wavelength.

I love the scheming versus plotting conversation.

Ugh, the arrival of Andy. I hate him so much.

Haha, Simmons lying about his math skills is great.

Uuuugh, Andy. :/ Freckles is SUCH a step up as Caboose's AI murder buddy.

"Do we really have to seize destiny? Can't we just invite it to join our online circle of friends?"

I love Lopez's little rebellion-- he might be under O'Malley's control, but he's also going to sabotage O'Malley as much as possible. And tricking O'Malley into insulting himself in Spanish.

I really forgot that Tex straight up tried to steal Tucker's sword.

Military law is very clear in regard to the "not it" methodology for making decisions. Sorry, Donut.

I forgot that Donut can speak Spanish. In fairness, so did the show.

Hello, Crunchbite!

Next up, the PSAs!

Some of these have aged poorly... Like, uh, jokes about 2004 politics do not land well in 2020. And uh jokes about colds and flus. ...Okay, the Christmas PSA where Church destroys the Reds' Christmas tree, tells Caboose the truth about Santa Claus, gives everyone knock-off coal, convinces Church that Santa is now wearing blue and working only for the Blues, and scams Tucker out of a $350 gift is pretty funny though.

I enjoyed Burnie playing himself in the outtakes by putting words he can't pronounce in his own script. And Grif singing Happy Birthday to Church in prison. Also poor Geoff being told to adlib and immediately having Grif start to tell Church "You're looking buff, man, have you been working--" and being immediately booed by everyone, and someone says they'll use it for an outtake and Geoff is like "It's funny! And I didn't even get to finish!" And everyone trying to figure out Tucker's sword and him accidentally killing everyone in various outtakes. And in the deleted scenes Tex keeps making fun of O'Malley's plans to rule the universe, haha. Also the deleted scene that's just another Simmons' self-insert fanfiction, just as a video instead of a fake game in the Fan Guide.

It also gave us character profiles! I'm sure a lot of this has since been contradicted in canon, but interesting that we got specific hometowns for a few people: Donut in Leggatt Plains, Iowa, which doesn't seem to be a real place; Moscow, Iowa for Sarge, which actually does; Tucker's from Detroit, and Delta Commune for Doc. Oh, is this where we get Caboose grew up on the moon, with his hometown being labeled as Low G Colony, Moon? And hey, I always had him be a middle child, I like that this one did too. Tex likes money and scars and dislikes Donut. Okay I know that's definitely not real, but the idea of Allison growing up in an orphanage hurts me a little. Okay, and I know for sure that Simmons would die of happiness at the fact that Sarge's likes are battles, fringe science, and Simmons. Lopez likes oil and unions, and hates capitalism. My kind of guy. Last but not least, I actually really like Simmons as the son of a bunch of right-hand stooges (who probably wanted power for themselves).

#Red vs Blue #rvb rewatch #long post

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meta-squash · 4 years

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A ramble on Dallas Theater Center Les Miserables

So, 5 years late, I jumped back on the bandwagon and finally watched a bootleg of Dallas Theater Center’s 2014 production of Les Miserables.

And wow. I can’t believe I waited 5 damn years to watch it. So here’s a long rambling write up on it based on the live-tweeting I was doing as I watched (and a little bit on me skipping through the bootleg video right now). It’s partly just me summarizing scenes so I can nerd out about the little details I loved and towards the end me talking about the show as a whole and why it was so fucking important.

First of all I wanna say that I'm surprised it took this long for a professional theater company to do a "modern day" Les Mis. I know all the fans fucking love their Modern AUs fics, I've been reading them since like 2012 and I love them. But also I'm SO glad someone finally did it because Les Miserables' themes are universal and they are amazing but they're also really relevant to what's going on today, or 5 years ago (since it's only gotten fucking worse tbh).

My first big impression was how great the costuming was. You can tell the socioeconomic class of the characters just from what they’re wearing, from how they posture and interact with others. Which is easy when it’s period costuming, you just make everyone look dirty and ripped up vs not dirty, but this (aside from the Thenardiers) is a little more subtle.

Also re: the costuming, I absolutely LOVE that they modernized Javert’s costume into a cop’s uniform but managed to retain the classic Javert Silhouette by giving him that trenchcoat, so we still get the expected Inspector Javert Silhouette despite the fact that he’s a modern day cop. Also all of the other cops/soldiers being straight up SWAT was an excellent decision, not only because it shows the sheer violence of a police that isn’t supposed to necessarily be SWAT, but also because the helmets completely cover their heads, so when the soldiers sing lines, they don’t even sound human. Yet another layer.

Nehal Joshi as Valjean was great. Honestly the moment I keep thinking about is actually from the very beginning, just after Valjean is released. Joshi looks so happy, delighted, like his heart is light again. He smiles as he sings “ Drink from the pool / How clean the taste” while looking up into the sky like he’s amazed at being in the open air. Then suddenly his posture changes completely, becomes guarded and hard, his expression gets closed off, and he sings “Never forget the years, the waste” before thumbing at his nose in that tough way and grabbing his bag off the ground. It was an emphasis on a pair of lines that I’ve never seen properly emphasized before. Usually the emphasis is on the next lines, when Valjean is saying “Now let’s see / what this new world has in store for me”. But here they emphasize that despite being free, he has traumas he has to deal with, and experiences that mean he’s wary of the world. It makes his theft of the silver make a lot more sense; it’s not just opportunistic, it’s also that he straight up doesn’t trust anybody.

(Another note on costumes: Valjean’s post-prison costume is his orange jumpsuit with this weird ratty, torn up sweater thing over it. I do very much wish they’d given him a hoodie that was equally as ratty instead of a sweater because I feel like that would’ve been another interesting layer of commentary.)

Two notes I made specifically about this production’s Soliloquy: This production had Valjean rip his prison papers accidentally, while he’s in the middle of an emotional gesture, then he stares at the rip in disbelief, and comes to the realization that he could just rip it up, and so he does. I thought that was a very cool mechanic. The audience literally watches him get the idea of changing who he is. Also, when he sings “I am reaching, but I fall / And the night is closing in” he actually wraps the rope of his bag around his own neck, like he’s considering death, like he doesn’t know what to do with himself. I thought it was really interesting considering those are the lines that directly mirror/parallel Javert’s Suicide.

This production also has all the Bad People roles played by white people, which is just fantastic. The foreman, Javert, all the cops, etc etc. I thought it was an excellent decision, since all of the main characters (minus the revolutionaries) are POC.

Fantine was amazing, has an incredible voice, and her I Dreamed A Dream sounded genuinely miserable, almost frantic with the fact that not only is she a single mother struggling to pay for her child who’s living with some other family, she now has nowhere to turn for money at all, and she’s completely alone. I think she’s my favorite Fantine of any of the ones I saw.

And Lovely Ladies absolutely blew me away. This was the first Lovely Ladies I’ve ever seen that felt Real. Not just that there was sex going on (because there was, there’s people fucking and getting blowjobs etc in the background the entire time), but it doesn’t feel like something silly or shallow. The entire thing feels desperate and exploitative and miserable and painful. Most of the other characters are dressed in provocative, revealing clothes. But there are a few in just jeans and t-shirts, looking desperate and kind of bedraggled. And then you have Fantine, who is literally just in a slip and long socks, looking out of place and terrified.

The usual Lovely Ladies shenanigans do ensue, but there’s a tinge of horribleness to it that is sharper than in the traditional show. In the traditional show, the moment where the music suddenly slows, and all the women sing “Lovely ladies / Going for a song / Got a lot of callers / But they never stay for long”, it usually feels like kind of a weird and unprompted moment of introspection after so much ruckus, but in this version the reason everyone slows down is because the pimp plucks their cash out of each of their hands one by one. And then the horribleness is increased tenfold because all of the women are in a line with men behind them simulating sex, and Fantine is in the center, bent double, the Captain behind her, staring down the audience. With each thrust she grits her words out like she’s in pain in every way imaginable. And the Captain ‘finishes’ just as she hits the line “dead!” Which is just. A lot. But so good. It packs so much more of a punch than Fantine leading the Captain offstage, or to one side of the stage.

The way that Confrontation was staged was also so cool to me. In the shows I’ve seen the first part of Confrontation is Javert and Valjean facing off with Javert stage left and Valjean kind of up beside Fantine’s bed, but they’re on the same “level,” in that Valjean walks a few paces forward a few lines later and they grapple. In this version, they stood quite literally on either side of Fantine’s hospital bed, so that they’re arguing across her dead body.

Madame Thenardier made me think of a bizarre cross between Miss Hannigan, the mom from Matilda, and Patsy Stone from Absolutely Fabulous. She did a great job. M Thenardier is a douchey hipster pirate type guy with white guy dreads. Also they made him an ex-con as well, but he displays the numbers tattooed on his chest with pride compared to Valjean who hides them, which was yet another interesting decision.

This version of Les Mis has taught me that “My mom doesn’t let me drink” is the absolute BEST piece of spoken dialogue you could throw in before Master Of The House kicks the fuck off.

Also this version has Eponine participating in the scams during Master Of The House: she takes peoples’ orders, carries plates, dances, etc. She’s cleaner and more pampered than Cosette, but she’s still being used.

Look Down was really interesting to me. Now, I think what I’m about to say is partly informed by costuming. That is, I think with period costuming an audience has a harder time distinguishing more subtle roles between (non-main) characters. What I mean is, in traditional Look Down, it just seems like three characters having an argument with each other, but with a modernized version the costuming makes it clear that it’s an old beggar woman, a prostitute, and her pimp. While that’s obvious from the actual dialogue, the period costuming makes it a little harder to glean the separate character types other than “beggar type”. Anyway, the roles being clearer via costuming makes all the interactions seem a lot more Real. It’s not just people all dressed alike singing lines at each other, it’s actual separate people having actual conflicts.

Also, I really really liked Mark Hancock as Gavroche. He’s older, or at least bigger, than most kids who end up playing Gavroche, and he’s not the most beautiful singer, but I think that works all the better for a production like this one. He’s not a cutesy Oliver Twist-type character. He’s a kid living rough on the streets, and he’s got a sense of humor but he is a badass.

This version also had a LOT more flirtatious behavior between Marius and Cosette. Like it’s not just one glance on the street. During The Robbery, Marius and Cosette are giving little glances and flirty waves the whole time, all shy and cute, little hand signals like “I want to talk to you oh my god” etc. Also this Cosette has glasses! She’s so cute!

Stars as a song feels very weird when it’s a Modern Day Cop singing about such a philosophical topic, and at first I was kinda ??? about it. Because you know, in a period piece, you kind of expect more elaborate language, you expect certain types of morality, etc. It sounds weird coming out of someone dressed like a pig you’d see on the street in real life. But then at the end of the song Javert takes a rosary out of his breast pocket to sing “Lord let me find him...” etc, and suddenly it actually made a lot of sense. It finally connected the religious references and morality displayed in the lyrics. Because a lot of shitty cops in real life are masquerading as Christians, so again, a good decision.

Ah, the ABC Cafe. Always lovely to hear those horns. John Campione was AMAZING as Enjolras. At first I was a little disappointed they made him a white guy, but then I thought about it and it actually makes a lot of sense. Despite his passion about justice etc, Brick Enjolras is a wealthy student; what better way to show his privilege in a modern setting than to have him be white? Anyway, I think Campione did a great job of portraying a leader who is so passionate, and so dedicated, and so intent on his cause but also kind of stressed out as the day draws nearer. (More on that later.)

Similarly, this Grantaire is a little shit. He does this hilarious like “call on me!” hand raise before “I am agog, I am aghast” which I thought was quite funny and cute. Also after “It’s better than an opera,” the Amis all laugh and clap, and Enjolras does this extremely sarcastic slow clapping before admonishing Marius with “It is time for us all to decide who we are” etc. Also Grantaire and Enjolras are actually standing beside each other for Marius lines, so that when he says “struck to the bone in a moment of breathless delight,” Grantaire looks directly at Enjolras and stays staring at him, so that when he moves downstage to stand across from Marius and sing “Red!” and “Black!” at him, it feels more like solidarity than mocking.

But then Enjolras pulls Marius further downstage for his “Marius you are no longer a child” etc lines. His body language is great here. When he sings “Who cares about your lonely soul,” he doesn’t just look like some charismatic leader man. He looks like someone who’s stressed out and a little annoyed/exasperated that this person is causing a distraction right when things are started to get important. He runs his hands through his hair, his gestures are clipped and fast, like he’s got too much energy and isn’t quite sure where to put it. It’s so good. He sings “Our little lives don’t count at all.” And then there’s a long, long moment of silence. A long one, where Marius looks around at his friends and realization that what they’re undertaking is much bigger than his emotional outburst, that Enjolras is right and he has to be with them instead of off in the clouds. And he raises his hand tentatively and then more surely towards Enjolras and sings that next “Red! The blood of angry men!” all on his own before the rest of the Amis join in. GREAT decisions there. SO COOL. (Also this is the moment when an Amis Hand Sign is established, which is important later on.)

This show uses silence in a way that I’ve never really seen another version do it. After Gavroche yells “General Lamarque is dead!” there’s usually a beat of silence before Enjolras begins to sing. In this version there is a long, long moment of silence when everyone looks around at each other, a moment where Joly tosses his pamphlet angrily onto the table and sits down with his head in his hands, a moment where Marius and Grantaire are the only two who turn away and face upstage at the news, a moment where they all process that this is fucking Real, and everything that they’ve been planning is suddenly Actually Happening. And then Enjolras begins, and his voice is so soft, and so sad, and it’s like he’s delivering a eulogy, but it’s only when he gets to “Is the sign we await!” and we get those trumpets that it changes into Enjolras The Leader, and it’s go time, and everything is Intense. Campione is fantastic as Enjolras because I think often people play Enjolras as this solid, charismatic leader who is stoney-faced and sure of himself etc. Which works for the period style (and is fairly Brick-accurate), but I think would seem a little odd in a modern day setting. This Enjolras is in it, he’s into it, he’s fucking intense and ablaze with energy. He sings Do You Hear The People Sing like he’s giving a speech, like he’s trying to convince (And “the real glory is to convince” so y’know).

And Do You Hear The People Sing as a campaigning song is brilliant. It starts out not with march, but with handing out fliers made of red paper, passing them out and getting out the word. Only then do they pull out signs and put on red caps and start marching.

In My Life/A Heart Full Of Love was so fucking hilariously cute. Marius and Cosette are both excellent levels of awkward, and there’s a lot of nonverbal flirting going on, and I just thought it was really well done.

I was told while I was live-tweeting that during One Day More the sort of dancing march they do (because it’s like a dance, instead of the in-place marching of the traditional version) is actually the Toyi-Toyi, a South African dance that was used as a form of protest during Apartheid and during other times as well. So that was a very cool addition. I’m sure there are other callbacks in this show to other protests or protest traditions like that that I didn’t even catch. The dance also reminded me of the body percussion used in A Quoi Tu Danses from 1789: Les Amants De La Bastille, so that was cool as well. We also get face paint and signs and red berets and button pins and a lot of stuff that has been seen in a lot of modern protests/movements lately.

Side note: Javert’s disguise is amazing because he retains his cop boots and trousers and crisp white shirt; he just puts a brown jacket and a red scarf over it and wears a red beret.

OKay SO. This is possibly the BEST On My Own I’ve ever seen. Now, I’m highly partial to Briana Carlson-Goodman as Eponine because the emotion in her voice is just mind-blowing. But this On My Own was so amazing. First of all, I’m amazed I’ve never seen any other production do this: when Eponine sings “pretending he’s beside me”, she puts out her hand like she’s holding some imaginary lover’s hand, like she’s genuinely imagining him walking with her, and it made her self-deception that much sadder. And this version was so good, I think because it was this perfect combination of angry and disappointed and yearning and self-deceiving. You can tell this Eponine KNOWS she’s deluding herself that Marius will ever love her, that she’s hugely disappointed and almost angry at that fact, but she still loves him and wants him and wants that love, and it just makes that self-deception all the stronger.

This version of Les Mis brings the barricade in as a flown set piece, which I think is an interesting decision. I definitely prefer the US Tour version, where the downstage scrim is backlit/lifted and both the audience and Eponine are suddenly confronted with the fully-built barricade. However, the barricade being flown in does give the Barricade Boys a moment to stand and admire their handiwork, so that’s kind of also cool.

(Somewhat unrelated, but throughout the show this Grantaire is a lot more still than other actors’ versions of R, but also more still than the other Amis in this show, so it’s clearly a choice. Other version of R are slumped over a table or slumped on the ground a lot, or they’re wobbly, or just generally restless and upset. This R is so still and just standing unmoved and blank it’s definitely a choice. Very much taking the “he seemed to be waiting there for a bullet which should spare him the trouble of waking” quote from the Brick and translating it to the stage version, in that he does move to shoot his gun but aside from that he’s so stock still it’s like he’s given up. Anyway. Back to the actual show instead of me just waxing lyrical about my favorite character.

When Eponine climbs over the barricade, Marius waves down all the guns just as Joly yells “There’s a boy climbing the barricade!” This kind of happens in other versions, but it seems like most of the traditional Les Mis versions all the Barricade Boys just kind of accept someone’s climbing the barricade and let Eponine over? In this one Marius like actually is waving down their guns, blatantly being like “don’t shoot, I know this person.”

And when Eponine is revealed to be shot, they don’t just let her die in Marius’ arms. The first half of A Little Fall Of Rain is sung with Eponine in Marius’ arms, but there’s also Feuilly there as a medic, pressing handkerchiefs to her wound, his hand on her with Marius’ hand on top of his and Eponine’s on top of them both. When Marius is saying “and you will live ‘Ponine,” medic/Feuilly shakes his head at him as if to say, ‘don’t tell her that, she’s not going to make it, I’m so sorry,’ but he still has his hand on her wound. It’s only when she sings “Just hold me now, and let it be” that Eponine pushes the medic/Feuilly away so she can die just with Marius. I really, really, really loved that because it seems so Right. Like, they’re fighting for a better world, they’re not just going to let an injured person die, they’re going to try their best to help her even if she’s dying and there’s nothing they can do. And I really liked that there was a medic there, but he was faced upstage, away from the audience, as if he was trying to help but also not intrude on this private moment. But when Eponine does push him away, he goes fairly easily, like he’s realized that she’s realized that she’s going to die. Also, instead of carrying Eponine offstage like a ragdoll, Grantaire and Feuilly bring over a stretcher and she’s carried off in it by Marius and Feuilly while Grantaire collects the handkerchiefs that were bloodied by her wound.

Valjean’s soldier disguise is the SWAT gear, even the helmet, although he mostly carries it in his hand rather than wearing it. It’s interesting because the difference between the SWAT gear and the suits he wears as Fauchelevent are a hugely stark difference, whereas the difference between his nice period clothes and the soldier’s period uniform isn’t quite so intense.

I noticed that during Drink With Me, Joly put his hand on Grantaire’s shoulder during “Let the wine of friendship never run dry,” which is sweet. I also noticed that aside from the moments where he was shooting his gun and the few moments he was being helpful re: Eponine’s death, Grantaire spends most of his time very very still, staring down at the floor with his shoulders slumped. He judges moments with just a shake of the head and turning away while others watch. His part in Drink With Me is sung with a bitterness that is more final than it is angry, like he can’t understand why they’ve all chosen to sacrifice themselves like this and he hates it and he’s bitter that all his friends are going to die but he’s realized there’s nothing he can do about it.

Bring Him Home is SUCH a hard song to sing and it’s actually really interesting in this version, I think. Because in traditional shows I think Valjean is played as a fairly calm person who is just always calm. Joshi plays his Valjean like he has taught himself to be calm, but inside he’s still kind of angry and traumatized and still has those instincts and still doesn’t quite know whether to believe in god or not, or something like that. So Bring Him Home is a moment where it seems like at first he’s just hoping, and then by the end of the song he’s genuinely imploring god to save Marius. Like it’s the first time he’s ever really begged a higher power to do something instead of just acting of his own power to make the good happen. I have no idea if I’m articulating myself well.

Again, Campione is a FANTASTIC Enjolras who plays him like a stressed out passionate leader who is constantly stuck between This Is Finally Real Hooray and Holy Shit This Is Too Fucking Real Oh God. In The Second Attack he portrays it really well, looking around at all the people he suddenly feels responsible for, body language like he’s trying to make too many split-second decisions. It’s just really good.

Death Of Gavroche is also great because even though this Gavroche is not the best singer, he gets shot once and keeps reaching for the bullets, and only stops when they riddle him with bullets. Also, I didn’t realize this until skipping around in the video to write this, but I think they kind of tried to retain some of the Gavroche-Grantaire relationship that the US Tour established? Grantaire goes from being kinda listless stage left to bolting over to the barricade once Gavroche starts climbing, reaching for him desperately; he gets shot in the leg and goes down and spends the rest of Gavroche’s lines up to his death with his head in his hands. Once Gavroche dies, Enjolras actually checks on Grantaire and wraps a tourniquet around his leg while Feuilly and Marius tend to Gavroche’s body.

Marius gets a thigh injury during The Final Battle (we know this because this production shows Actual Blood! Gavroche is actually bleeding! Eponine, too! And Marius! And Enjolras! Like there’s actual red and it makes it so much more intense! Anyway, Marius gets a bullet to the thigh, which frankly I think makes a lot more sense than the shoulder injury he gets in canon at least in terms of him being unconscious for so long (although I guess in canon he also has at least one head injury so meh). Anyway, Valjean sees it and immediately tourniquets him as one by one all the revolutionaries are picked off by bullets.

This Enjolras death is my favorite I’ve ever seen. We don’t get a permets-tu scene, but that’s okay because this is fantastic in another way. Enjolras doesn’t die on the barricade.

Enjolras is standing center stage, the bodies of his friends around him. He’s shot once, in the stomach, and goes down on all fours. As he’s on the floor, SWAT cops surround him, pointing machine guns straight at him. Enjolras struggles up, standing, and faces the cops and the audience. He raises his hand in a defiant fist to the air and is shot in the head.

Then there is a long, long stretch of silence. Quite literally an entire minute (I just counted) of silence, where there is no music, no speaking, nothing. Just the sounds of SWAT walking around, checking the bodies on the floor, and the indistinct sound of walky-talky chatter. Only after a whole minute of silence has passed and the SWAT leave the stage do the little plucked notes and the clarinet playing the Bring Him Home instrumental begin as Valjean stands up.

Valjean actually goes over and checks Enjolras’ pulse to see if he could possibly be alive, which I think hurts A Lot. And then there’s a moment where he looks around at all the bodies on the floor and kind of doubles over in shock, but only for a moment, and then he’s bolting back over to Marius to make sure he’s still breathing and then heaving him up into his arms.

(By the way, the bodies of the revolutionaries remain onstage through all of the proceeding songs.)

Dog Eat Dog is a boring, crap song in every production, and this one is no exception. The guy playing Thenardier is quite good but there’s really no way to redeem how boring a song Dog Eat Dog is. Also, this version cuts out the long instrumental part of Valjean walking with Marius through the sewer due to the fact that they don’t have that crazy projection thing. Instead it’s just a few seconds of him dragging Marius before encountering Thenardier and then also a few seconds before encountering Javert. Also, Valjean straight up puts his chest against Javert’s gun while he’s asking to save Marius’ life. Brave as fuck.

Okay this Javert’s Suicide was mostly really really good. Edward Watts gives Javert this sort of frantic emotion that Valjean spared him on the barricade and then is only asking to save this stranger. He looks genuinely freaked out and distressed. It’s not just confusion, it’s like actual Freaking Out. The only part I didn’t like was the actual throwing himself off the bridge part, but honestly I feel like there really is no way to do that part in a way that isn’t a little ridiculous-seeming. It’s hard to have a show where they never had any sort of fly rigs or any special types of practical effects at all and then suddenly there’s a guy flying through the air? and take that seriously. I dunno. But in any case, the rest of it is really good because the frantic confusion and questioning and anger and sadness and everything is so well done. Also, he takes his cross out of his pocket and drops it on the ground before he jumps, like he believes even god has failed him.

And then the lights return and the bodies of the revolutionaries are still onstage, with police tape cordoning them off. Turning begins with women in black mourning clothes coming onstage: at first they stand behind the tape with candles and flowers and teddy bears, then someone breaks the tape and they move to sit beside the bodies and set flowers down beside them. As Turning is going on, as the women move to sit beside the bodies, Marius also enters and sits in a chair upstage.

So Empty Chairs At Empty Tables happens with the bodies of the revolutionaries lying on the floor right in front of Marius, and women in black kneeling beside the bodies, facing upstage. But as Marius sings “Phantom faces at the window, phantom shadows on the floor,” the revolutionaries rise and move downstage, looking at him. They all make their little group hand sign before exiting, until it’s just Enjolras looking at him, then he makes the sign as well and exits and Marius is left alone with the mourning women in front of him and his hand raised in farewell. It’s just SO GOOD because I think it makes it all the more real. It feels like he’s actually singing to the bodies of his friends as well as their memories, like he’s full of survivor’s guilt and he’s watching them walk away from him and doesn’t know what to do. Combining the Turning Women’s mourning with Marius’ mourning is really cool, because it shows it’s really not just Marius that’s affected by this, and essentially he’s singing Empty Chairs for himself as well as the women in mourning kneeling on the stage before him.

Side note: Dorcas Leung, who plays Cosette, is a True Fucking Soprano. Her voice is SO high. It’s wild. Like, really wild. Like, glass-breaking high but in a good way. Also she’s really cute.

Anyway, the next thing I took note of was Valjean telling Marius why he was leaving without telling Cosette goodbye. He sings “Promise me, Monsieur, Cosette will never know” and puts his hand out in a way that’s partially imploring, and partially asking for a handshake on the promise. Marius says “For the sake of Cosette, it must be so,” but pointedly does not shake his hand. He’s going to honor the promise but he’s not gonna fucking like it.

Wedding Chorale/Beggars At The Feast is mostly unremarkable except that Mme Thenardier is dressed like Cruella de Ville. Oh, and Thenardier gets a kick in the balls instead of a punch to the face from Marius. Also the actor who played Combeferre and the actor who played Bossuet are dancing together so during Beggars At The Feast when Thenardier sings “This one’s a queer, but what can you do?”, the Combeferre actor does a little wave.

I’ve always hated in the musical that Valjean goes from being perfectly healthy to straight up dying in a matter of minutes but I also understand that montages of like a year are hard to do in musical format, so I forgive it but it’s still annoying.

Anyway, this Epilogue is FUCKING FANTASTIC. Valjean does this beautiful laugh of relief and amazement when Fantine tells him “And you will be with god” like he’s still amazed after all these years that he’s a Good Person Who Deserves Heaven.

Also, Fantine sits down on the bench beside Valjean, and then when Marius and Cosette enters, Cosette runs and sits down between Valjean and Fantine, facing Valjean, and there’s a moment where Fantine smiles in disbelief and strokes Cosette’s hair like “oh my god this is my daughter!”

Finally, the fucking kicker for me: “Take my hand, I’ll lead you to salvation / Take my love, for love is everlasting.” That’s always the moment in the show when I start actually crying and this one made it even sadder: Eponine is not the only one to enter in that moment. Eponine enters singing the duet with Fantine like usual, but Enjolras and Gavroche also enter, standing behind her, not singing.

This was such a great, fascinating, unique decision, and I fucking loved it. Because with that group, you have all the types of love and belief that are Important in the Brick: Fantine, the love of a mother. Valjean, the love of a father and the faith and belief that comes from someone else suddenly believing in you and the goodness that is a result of that. Marius and Cosette, romantic love, but also love of children and chosen family. Eponine, unrequited love and sacrifice. Gavroche, not necessarily love but an innocent death, a death from the goodness that comes from wanting to help. And Enjolras, the love of the people, the belief in the people, love of patria and the belief in justice. Just all of these important symbols standing together.

Then Do You Hear The People Sing reprise starts up, and the rest of the cast enter and stand at the edges of the stage around the group at center before everyone scatters out and spreads across the stage.

So basically that was an incredible fucking show. Like, okay. Since joining the Les Mis fandom in late 2011-ish or something I've read A LOT of Les Mis fanfics, I've read the entire book, seen the show live half a dozen times plus a ton of filmed boots and movie adaptations and last year's BBC miniseries. I've got a Les Mis tattoo and I'm vaguely thinking of getting another one. I've read fanfic taking place in canon era, modern day, Mai 1968, the 90s, the 40s, and on and on. All of them are important because all of them interpret the themes differently. Basically what I'm saying is I've consumed A Lot of Les Miserables.

But this version of Les Mis is So Important. Like, it's important enough I'm really surprised they didn't give in to the call for a DVD recording back in 2014.

Because the difference between like, the traditional version of the show, and reading a modern day AU fanfiction, and this Dallas show is that this Dallas show is In Front Of You. It's important because you're used to seeing this show with 19th century clothes and 19th century mannerisms so you don't necessarily connect it to today, or you do on a surface level only.

And in fanfics you can imagine it, but it's not the same.

But this show takes the music we all know and the characters we all know and places it in front of us NOW. We get Valjean in an orange jumpsuit, posturing like we've seen people posture in real life. We get Enjolras in a denim vest and button pins. We get Fantine, a woman of color, being fired for having a child out of wedlock and being accused of prostitution, and having to actually turn to prostitution. And we get a depiction that shows so viscerally how horrible that is. We get white people as cops (SWAT, no less) while POC are abused.

Suddenly this is a show that connects on every level.

And not only that but the visuals of the actual rebellion can be connected to so many movements and protests and things that have happened in recent years. Like with the Toyi-Toyi. And all the signs and pins and face paint and weapons and clothes and even to some extent the barricade.

And the cops going from soldiers with bayonets (which, to be fair, back in the day were pretty daunting weapons with their triangular blades, but we don't see them that way) to SWAT with helmets that black out their faces and semi-automatics is a a hard-hitting message.

And I've always thought it was funny that people who see the show casually think it's about Marius & Cosette's romance. Because that’s not all it’s about, of course. But this version made me really, really realize how little that romance matters in the musical. How much the musical is about Valjean, and then in tandem about the rebellion. Because place the whole "I've known you a day and I'm in love" thing in a modern setting and you realize how ridiculous it is, and how much more important Valjean's growth is, and how much more important the movement and the rebellion is. I mean the entire book is just about the Power Of Love And Belief In All Its Forms etc etc. But I think this version pointed out better than any other how many other forms of love exist in this story, besides the romance of Marius and Cosette.

But truly I think the most important thing that this show did is what I mentioned earlier: it placed the story, its themes, its characters, its rebellion, it's Love and Belief, in the Here And Now, and made it really, truly connect with its audience and the present world. This is a show that people always say is so relevant, so important, and it is. It really is. But sometimes, for a casual viewer, it’s hard to see past the period costumes and sets. And then you transplant the show into modern dress and modern sets and suddenly it’s a story that is just as believable and hard-hitting and important now as it was then. Suddenly you can connect with these characters and you can see these things happening in real life, in present day, and you can believe that it would happen.

It just blows my mind that we have all these Modern AU fanfiction pieces, that we have multiple groups of people doing Modern Les Mis Youtube interpretations, that there’s a Spanish musical out there that’s purely about Grantaire (which, god I wish there was more info on!), that there’s a ton of music and TV adaptations and yet this is the first time I’ve seen a professional company do any sort of modern interpretation of the show. And it works SO incredibly well and is SO hard-hitting and just took my breath away.

Uh so yeah such massive praise to the Dallas Theater Center for having the courage and imagination and awesomeness to finally do a modern version of this story because they knocked it out of the damn park and made an already important story even more important.

#les miserables #les mis #dallas les mis #dallas les miserables #dallas theater center #dallas theater center les miserables #les mis dallas #les miserables meta #les mis meta

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nightmare-circus · 4 years

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Serica | Reaction 4/4 | Ode to…

When: Second motive, when their surroundings were not these ephemeral islands but a quiet village. In the midst of suffocating fear, after she had committed to holing up in her room, before he had come to stay with her.

Where: On their mirrors. Due to aforementioned self-isolation.

Who: One conspiracy theorist, one nurse. Just friends, for now.

What:

( > seriously though i dont want to find you dead )

> then don’t go looking

( > how could i not? )

Why:

IX. Yamamoto, Deacon

Was it her fault, for trying to make concrete plans for the future?

( “Deacon Yamamoto, I will do everything in my power to make sure you and I can leave here, that I will find you and bring you home and we’ll spend days just sitting on the couch watching terrible sitcoms, riding on the subway gossiping about tourists, walking through the park hand in hand…“ )

No, that was stupid.

Serica may have been a woman who believed in more than the average person, trusted in platitudes and jinxes where others would scoff, but even in the midst of the unthinkable she was dimly aware this wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t his fault. It was…. someone else. Someone else’s fault.

A someone else who she needed to find. But, she found herself once again incapable of meaningfully investigating. Not this time for exaggerated pain and weakness, but of a pure inability to move forward both physically and psychologically.

She’s done this before. She had just forced herself to shallowly rationalize and pack away the deaths of Miles, Juniper, Tatsuya, Elise. One more couldn’t be bad. She was great at compartmentalization wasn’t she? She was able to laugh and have drinks hours after poisoning a man, she was able to pretend to be a victim when only half an hour before she had killed one Danny Ostergard with her two hands. If she approached this from a distance, with the veneer of a woman who had nothing to do with the dead man before her, with the objectivity of a woman who simply was trying to figure out what was going on… she could do this, right?

Let’s begin.

How does she even begin to explain Deacon Yamamoto?

(Ah… he’d probably like that reference, wouldn’t he?)

u/BoysBBUGS || u/aviary23

Head mod of Fanatical Ravings of the Disappeared, he(?) had a lot of theories that she didn’t necessarily subscribe to, but saw his contributions interesting to pick at. Ships passing through the night on the world wide web ocean.

IX. The Hermit || XI. Justice

A neighbor of a neighbor, though she hadn’t seen him around much. Does he keep to himself? Why the mask?

Cockroach & Serica

A riot of a man, able to make her laugh to hysterics at their first meeting. Supposedly 32 years old, supposedly unable to bath for fear of chemicals, supposedly with child with a man he had just met. Willing to have himself come off as incredibly unreasonable in public. Despite all this, clearly intelligent, clearly possessed a mind that had a voracious appetite for information and was wonderful to bounce theories on. An asset, despite it all.

( “I’m Serica by the way!” )

[…]

“They gave me the name Cockroach. Fucking COCKROACH Ser. What kinda joke is this shit?”

“I have a dumb fucking gift and Cockroach might as well be my real name since I doubt I’ll ever hear my original one ever again.”

Roach & Riccy

Slippery in every way, but not so unreasonable as he seemed. Logic was a great way to combat him, and any answer often had to be weaseled with either heavy theorizing (her specialty) or with a tango with some off the cuff roleplaying (decidedly not her specialty). She wouldn’t be so cocky to say that he changed his habits for her but… she thinks she had a hand in convincing him. He really wasn’t so bad, if you gave him a chance, and he’d surprised her more than once with acts of care and thoughtfulness.

Dee & ██

A friend for sure, and one who seemed to have a genuine loyalty. No qualms at seeing her drop a stun gun in front of him, no reservations when she admitted tentatively that she slept with a knife, no judgements when she casually brought up murder once more. Morals in the traditional sense didn’t seem to shackle him, which was very convenient to incorporating him into her tentative plans. 26, not 32. A New Yorker, as well though rather than any borough, his car was his home. Given his life he had become a stranger to hugs, to positive affection, but once he had a taste he was hungry for more. For all his mock lovers and public swooning, he was dense to actual subtle flirting.

( “My middle name. Aka, no risk of harming me if a faelien hears it. ██.” )

“I don’t have a middle name. I’d tell you if I did, swear. You can call me Dee though. It’s a part of my first name and you already know the first letter of it when I fucked up that one time. So Dee is a pretty good substitute then, yeah?”

Deacon & ███

Incredibly cute. A true newcomer to being hit on, to being told he’s handsome, to being kissed, to being in a relationship. A strong backbone even as she herself wavered in the days leading up to the decisive moment. Determined, stating possibilities as if they were facts and refusing to acknowledge her agonizing over the worst case scenario. Through everything, an unwavering support, a hand on her back, a shoulder to lean on. A good singer of lullabies, in her opinion.

( “███. My name is ███.” )

“Deacon.”

Deacon Yamamoto & ███ ██ █

Did not hold himself in the same concern he showed her. Makes a fuss in the public chat about the wrongs done to him but brushes off the severity when questioned by his own girlfriend. Still a liar, still a master of faking a smile.

( “I won’t remember much but i’ll know your name, your, that you helped me so much in escaping that, that you mean the World to me–” she’s just babbling “I probably will believe myself if, if I actually try to find your information or maybe your drivers license– maybe if I put you in as a missing person or– But oh no will you believe me? What if I just show up at your car and you just think I’m a scam artist or–” )

“My license plate is HGO789. Deacon Yamamoto. I’ll believe you. I’ll always believe you.”

( “…█. My last name is… █.” )

███ ██ █

There once was a man upon whom was foisted a change. Upon his rise to a breathing dream, he was stripped of his taste and stripped of subsequent limits. Immune not only to the aches of poison but the salve of saccharin, the burn of capsaicin. To match with his steel stomach was his mercurial tongue, not gifted but cultivated carefully. Silvery and poisonous with every other word, it was at the command of a mind that paralleled in fluidity. It was as if he was a maestro, and his instrument of choice was a dictionary, phrases and scenarios slung with such rapidity that all who listened were on guard for constant whiplash.

So, it meant something when words became actions.

Anyone can say anything. He especially was able to say anything, a master class perjurer of the highest degree. The sun was about to peek through the sky at any moment, he was a Staten Island woman in an unhappy marriage trying to hook up her hair dresser with her son, he was fine, he was going to be okay, he was going to get out of here–

…

There is a difference, between telling someone that you will take consideration for the situation, and spending precious currency to fit yourself with a weapon.

There is a difference, between telling someone that you will help them, protect them, and taking the extra mile to pull down the mattress of a woman who’s waking hell of a gift would not let her climb up the steps otherwise.

There is a difference, between telling someone that you want them to live and helping them plan and execute the death of another person.

There is a difference, between telling someone that you want to live and…

…

(She was failing miserably in this task).

…

No one who looked at his body, at the stagnant ichor dripping out of his head, could understand the potential for warmth like she would. His fingers combing through her hair, pulling out loose tangles and tucking locks behind her ear so she could look at him unfettered. A grin, not sharp and pulled taught, but gently reassuring, murmuring soothing phrases to ease her anxious hands. Irises, bright not with the promise of information to unravel but with unbridled emotion that made his eyes crinkle, a devoted gaze meant for one.

One person, who stood here alone.

“And it’s not like I need it, yanno? I kinda wasted my life away before all of this. Not sure if I want it back.”

"I won’t die. Not yet at least. I have some things that need getting done."

“I mean I’m not gonna let myself die after I break a leg like some racehorse. I wanna be useful, not a damn trigger happy martyr. ” He had snorted. “I’ll still make a valiant effort to get out of here Rics. But if it comes down to me and you? Well.” He had shrugged. “As a consolation prize I will say, you do make me wanna become someone worth living again.”

"I was impliiiied my dear, of course I’m making it out of here with you. What would the point be otherwise. I was trying to make it seem all badass and broody, adding a technicality to it all would’ve been underwhelming.”

“You’re going to be stuck with me until the end of times.”

“You’re getting out of- we’re getting out of here. You were wonderful.”

“Yes I know. I will. I’m going to get out. With you.”

“Of course, █. We can live a life worth living together out there.”

“It’s going to be alright █.”

“I love you █, please. Trust me, things are gonna be fine.”

“One day at a time.”

One day at a time, she had repeated.

One day at a time, she repeats, staring at his face, flesh frozen in the way that only a cadaver could. She’d never forget the first time she had touched a dead body, and was forced to confront the jarring dissonance, the coldness, the stiffness, the pallor of the skin that had been warm, soft, pliable, just hours before. Only a child, forced to confront the concept of lives ending for the first time. Since then she had seen more than her fair share, from work, from this place, before her very eyes.

Joints creak and echo through her body as she moves, finally. To fold her knees under herself, sit at his side, hand hovering indefinitely, torn between not having to face that final moment of confirmation and wanting to just hold him once more. Before she would have to be torn from him for hours, before they returned from a useless trial and his body would be gone, before she’d have to trudge to their caravan, who’s emptiness would threaten to collapse on her.

“There is nothing worse than not knowing.”

( “No, there’s nothing worse than not living.” )

#ch4 #serica #submission

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a-shakespearean-in-paris · 4 years

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20 questions for 2020!

thanks for the tags @galadrieljones and @idrelle-miocovani!

1. Do you make your bed?

Not consistenly. If I’m tidying up then yes, but otherwise if it’s a busy day I’ll just leave it unmade.

2. What’s your favourite number?

I’ve always been drawn to 8 and 9.

3. What’s your job?

I work as a tutor at a middle school and I am looking into subbing on days I don’t go in, however I like my job’s hours currently because it lets me focus on school on days I don’t go in, and I can have the weekend (relatively) relaxed.

4. If you could, would you go back to school?

Well for me this question is funny because I am in school currently! Graduate student, studying English. I would like my PHD, but that being said I think I’ll go into teaching for a bit before I pursue my doctorate after I get my MA. With an MA I’ll be able to teach college classes.

5. Can you parallel park?

I was a late bloomer with driving, and believe it or not the reason I don’t have my licence today is because I cannot parallel park. Every time I tell my dad “hey let’s go” ....we get lazy. But hopefully soon! there’s not really parallel parking in my city, so it’s kind of odd it’s part of the test. luckily you can fail this portion and still get your licence, depending on how well you did elsewhere of course.

6. A job you had which would surprise people?

I was vocal about my awful job at a daycare I had hear on tumblr, but I think if you just happened to meet me IRL or just came to my blog my daycare work may be surprising? Little kids aren’t my strong suit, though I still maintain that saying “I love kids,” is a lot like saying “I love people.” The truth of the matter is kids are nuanced and different, and I loved some of my daycare kids while I didn’t like others.

Anyway, I’m grateful for my time there because they paid for my cruise and new laptop, lol, and I learned a lot of lessons...but I’ll never do that again, (unless my friend needs my help. She runs a home daycare and is waaaay better than the other clowns who employed me.)

I also had a job at a Six Flags. I made and sold pizzas among other duties. Talk about a corporate scam, it’s working at six flags.

7. Do you think aliens are real?

I mean, the universe is huge, there has to be other forms of life out there in the vastness.

8. Can you drive a manual car?

nope!

9. What’s your guilty pleasure?

Generally, I am not guilty about the things I enjoy. However I’m going to say Sailor Moon, because even though I have been passionate about it since I was little, it still surprises my family that I still like the series. I’m still waiting for the sailor moon stickers i bought from etsy

10. Tattoos?

I don’t have any. On others they’re cool, but not for me. Though that may change. I only see myself getting one though, if that.

11. Favorite colour?

Rosey pink and all shades of purple.

12. Things people do that drive you crazy?

Excessive PDA. maybe I’m just a bitter single but I was in a bar and this couple started grinding and frenching right in front of me and I realize it was Las Vegas, but COME ON.

Also loud eaters. You do not need to slam your fork against the plate again and again, Scott.

13. Any Phobias?

I have mild trypophobia. little holes just really....ewwww. and Roaches.

14. Favourite childhood sport?

Swimming. Still to this day!

15. Do you talk to yourself?

Indeed.

16. What movie do you adore?

That Hamilton Woman. I enjoy the story but love seeing Vivien Leigh and Laurence Olivier act together in a good movie. (they acted in two others together in the thirties, but they’re honestly not great. This one is.)

17. Do you like doing puzzles?

Like jigsaw puzzles? Actually yes! I used to do them when I was a kid and will pick one up every now and then. the trouble is that the big thousand piece ones take up a lot of room.

18. Favourite kind of music?

60s and 70s. But truly all kinds. I’m very eclectic.

19. Tea or coffee?

Hot coffee, Iced Tea.

20. The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up?

Actress!

I am going to tag @out-of-the-embers @cclkestis @muse-of-nightmares @muses-circle @ma-sulevin @briarfox13

#tagged #2020 vision

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clairen45 · 5 years

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What do you think of the porgs and their meaning for IX? I saw the cover of star wars insider 2019 special edition with Rey on it and a Porg at the corner. At first I thought this whole Porg stuff is all just for fun but then I read Leia - princess of Alderran and there is a passage (19, I believe) where Holdo speaks about breeding and to resolve a problem between parents and child . . . What do you think could this all mean?

Dear anon, this answer was a long time coming. Thank you so much for bringing up Porgs again, because, you got it all right! Porgs matter! They matter so much, not just like your Ewok novelty. People thinking they were just an excuse to sell cheap toys are utterly confused and missed the whole point.

The reason why Porgs were created in TLJ, after all, probably stems from a very practical reason. Skellig Michael Island, in Ireland, where the scenes for Ahch-To were shot both for the end of TFA and for TLJ, is a famous puffin sanctuary. It is also a place with a heavy spiritual past, which also, besides its gorgeous scenery, might have been why they chose it. But they still had to make do with the massive population of puffins. At the end of TFA we are vaguely aware of birds coming and going. But the little time spent on Ahch-To on TFA meant that we didn’t get enough scenes there to really pay attention on what these birds were. No CGI. No particular intent there. For TLJ they knew they were going to spend more time on the island. Get more shots. And so more probable that the birds would get more obtrusive within the action. So, what to do? This is what Jake Lunt Davies, the creature concept designer of the Porgs had to say:

Rian [Johnson – the director] had gone to shoot this sequence on Skellig Michael, which is the real island location that stands in for Ahch-To, and that island is covered in puffins. It’s a wildlife preserve and everywhere you look there are hundreds of birds dotted around the landscape.

From what I gathered, Rian, in a positive spin on this, was looking at how can he work with this. You can’t remove them. You physically can’t get rid of them. And digitally removing them is an issue and a lot of work, so let’s just roll with it, play with it. And so I think he thought, “Well, that’s great, let’s have our own indigenous species.”… The puffins were sort of a big influence on everything, really.

RJ put a spin on theme… He knew he was going to make them part of the whole thing. I personally don’t think this was a machiavellian scam to jam down obniouxly cute creatures down out throats. I don’t. I think that right off the bat RJ decided that he was going to use the porgs as a specific vehicle for a very important message… breeding… the power of love and love creating new life… mating and babies…. And lo, how he hammered that point throughout the movie: in Luke’s first lesson to Rey about the nature of the Force, with mama porg protecting her eggs. And with the porgs nesting on the MF.

Now, I did a specific giant meta about birds and mating throughout SW: Bird is the Word- Avian Metaphor and Mating in Star Wars. This is an excerpt from my meta that might sum up what the “bird experience” means to me:

TLJ was meant as Sex Ed class for Rey and Kylo. I should not have to develop the many many sexual symbols on Ahch-To, the caves, wetness, and the glorious nakedness of Kylo, or the smut hut. Remember, I am talking about birds. And what do the birds mean? Birds represent life, mating, nesting. And of course they are much more appealing symbols of reproduction than bunnies, let’s say, because birds are ascensional symbols. They do represent the pressures of biology and reproduction, but their graceful flight gives spiritual value to the deed. Birds are the link between the earth and the sky, the body and the soul, mortals and immortals, humans and gods. Think about Leda and the Swan, or Aphrodite’s dove, and all these cutesy birdies that usually flutter around our favorite Disney princesses, especially when they sing about love or falling in love. Think about Bambi and the spectacle of love-crazed birds. Twitterpatted alright!

Go check out the meta really because it is astounding how much the bird motif is “pregnant” (lol) in the movies and in the ST in particular. The EU brought even more substance with that cute parallel between this Forces of Destiny episode on porgs (Porgs problems) and the Lion King… Further read on this one in this post: More on Porgs …

That:being said, once the tale was told, of course Disney and LF jumped on the bandwagon of selling porgs as the cute novelty toy! Of course they would. It is only fair. But I don’t think for one minute that they were imagined and designed that way. PORGS ARE MEANINGFUL!!!!!

Now, dear anon, you bring up something from Leia Princess of Alderaan which is indeed super important. It does come from chapter 19, p.243 for the hardcover edition. Leia is then falling for her first love, Kier. And as the princess struggles between her feelings and her moral duty, and wonders whether she is entitled to happiness in such dire times, this is what Amilyn Holdo tells her:

If the young of the species don’t have motivations to leave the care of their parents, they’ll never lead an independent existence, which means they’ll never reproduce. The species would soon die out. Ergo, the last stage of life before adulthood always involve conflict between parents and offspring.

There are many key points for the ST there. “Motivations” is a word that should ring a bell… What are Kylo’s motivations, for one? But also remember that scene in TFA when Rey is trying to fix the “motivator” on the MF, a scene that comes right afterward Kylo’s asking about “What girl?”

And remember how the scene is cut in a way that the characters almost seem to reach out to each other, like a first try at teh Force bond device we get so beautifully done in TLJ.

You also have the paramount importance of leaving the parents to gain independence. That is Rey at the beginning of TFA. She is unable to let go of her parents. She is thus maintained in perpetual childhood and childishness, which are emphasized at the beginning of the movie by the concept for her hair (same style as the one she had as a child), the toys in her At-AT, theme music, and facial expressions when on her own (eating or playing with the helmet).

And then tyou have conflict with the parents. And that’s obviously Kylo.

So, yep, this is all about breeding and need to reproduce. BTW, on Kylo’s Spotify playlist, THIS: Breed by Nirvana. Coincidence? Of course not.

Further in Claudia Gray’s book, on p.245, to be more specific, Holdo adds:

Happiness is our moral imperative. (…)

Great evil can only be fought by the strong. People need spiritual fuel as much as they need food, water, and air. Happiness, love, joy, hope -these are the emotions that give us the strength to do what we need to do.

Interesting cluster of words. Holdo is all about vital force, the reproductive and restorative spark. Just like her famous quote in TLJ: “We are the spark, that’ll light the fire, that will restore the Republic.“ Restorative, reproductive, constructive. Just like Rose’s quote about saving what you love. Which is, very significantly, twisted and misinterpreted by Poe (and rage-fueled fanboys): “We are the spark, that will light the fire that’ll burn the First Order down”, which is destructive.

Also, it is in this book that we find a quote that was -revealingly- removed from TLJ : “the most dangerous substance known to exist (IS…) a pair of pretty dark eyes”. This Jane Austen quote was uttered in TLJ by none other than Luke Skywalker yours truly to Rey after her hand scene with Kylo:

“You opened yourself to Dark Side for a pair of pretty eyes!“

So, in the end what? You can guess where this is all going. Your intuition was correct. Of course it means that there will be a resolution of conflict between Kylo and his parents (even symbolically, because, yes, I know that Han is dead!!!). And of course there will be babies or the suggestion of babies (pregnant belly?) or some lovemaking (or suggestion of love making) at some point or as the endgame. There is no other way to read or interpret all the ST material and the EU canon material. After all this book you very kindly brought to attention yet again is aptly headed “JOURNEY TO STAR WARS THE LAST JEDI”. It is a companion book. It is meant that way. It has to reflect what the main themes are from the movie….

Hope that covered your question. Thanks again for reaching out!

#reylo fandom #reylo #star wars fandom #leia princess of alderaan #leia and amilyn #amilyn holdo #porgs #porgs in the last jedi #star wars symbolism #babies in star wars #star wars episode ix #love in star wars

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sights-on-the-scifi · 4 years

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THE COMPLETE SIGHTS OF SCIFI STAR WARS REVIEW PART 2.

BRIDGES TO A NEW HOPE.

https://sights-on-the-scifi.tumblr.com/post/189186099956/the-complete-sights-of-scifi-star-wars-review-part PART 1.

These next four pieces of STAR WARS media have exactly the kind of things i’m looking for in STAR WARS prequels, they fully understand what made the original trilogy so great. All of these titles meaningfully expand the universe not just with words, but also through engaging cinematic techniques and fun characters all wrapped up in an entertaining adventure general audiences can enjoy!

Action, drama, politics and effective score. Its all here in full force.

JEDI FALLEN ORDER 2019.

Years after the fall of the galactic republic and the destruction of the jedi order. The newly formed galactic empire has begun its conquest of the galaxy, seizing complete military enforced control of the means of production and industry, invading disobedient planets, taking control of natural resources through force then assimilating all species and their cultures under the emperors one rule.

Oppression can be felt everywhere.

The burnt out husks of the republic, separatists and the clone wars are being brought down to shipwrecking planets like Bracca to be stripped for valuable parts, melted down and recycled into materials that will construct the empires growing imperial war machine fuelling this transition.This is all carried out by overworked and underpaid engineers turned scrappers... This location also serves as a fantastic opening to the game! Giving us a believable insight into how the aesthetics and technology of this galaxy changed so drastically into the one we are all familiar with.

All of this world building is organic and we get to experience the emotional and political impact of this new reality at the same time the character we play as does. Cal Kestis is a jedi padawan who has gone into hiding after the events of order 66, and it is here he has spent most of his young life dismantling the world he had once known to blend in, waiting for any sign of other surviving members of the jedi council to hopefully tell him what to do next and its fantastic juxtaposition. We see him and his friend Prauf running through and scaling the dangerous work environments of this planet talking about their hopes and dreams for a future outside of this depressing place.

The heroes journey is an essential part of STAR WARS storytelling.

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Prauf being the oldest wants Cal Kestis to someday find his destiny and tries to motivate him to do so. As you can see there, the performance capture on this character even Cal is incredible and you really feel the emotion in the dialogue. Layered within this endearing narrative is great foreshadowing of events to come, political commentary and emotional content, this is stuff that I wish the Lucas directed star wars prequels were better at. But regardless its amazing to finally see it done so well here.

Jedi fallen order is not just an exciting star wars action adventure game with sleek mechanics, its also an intriguing narrative that shows us how survivors of a gone away world cope with the loss of that civilisation and their role within it. The game is full of great characters who assist and motivate Cal on his journey to discover hope for the future! I dont want to spoil too much of it because its really something you gotta experience for yourself to fully appreciate.

These qualities will also be expressed in the next three pieces of bridge media ill review.

SOLO A STAR WARS STORY 2018.

This is the second movie to be released in the STAR WARS anthology movie series. In it we are shown the backstory to one the original trilogy’s most recognisable characters Han Solo! While it is not a perfect production (What star wars movie is?...) its still a fun and exciting adventure full of style.

Like with Fallen order we get a detailed look at the ways in which the empire is taking control of the galaxy not just in terms of society and culture but also on the economic level, and it all has some interesting real world parallels. On the planet Corellia Han and his girlfriend Qi’ra are trapped in a life of crime for the local gangsters who use orphaned children as a means to carry out scams and steal expensive vehicles from rival gangs and even the wealthy elite. Discovering a rare resource on a job which is used by the empire to power their enormous starfleet, Han steals this along with a lighting fast speeder to outrun their masters and hopefully bribe the imperial guards at the immigration port checkpoint to then escape off world for good.

Its through this impressive opening sequence that we get an insight into the class divide of this universe and how the empire oppress and exploit populations of the worlds they control, we are even shown how they collude with the gangs to funnel desperate youths into recruitment offices for the empire’s vast military. Again its all organic, interwoven with the narrative of the character we follow. We experience it as they do! With shots of the newly constructed empire star destroyers that we saw were built with the re purposed scrap seen in Fallen order for an example.

This is what STAR WARS excels at, wrapping interesting social commentary and scifi themes around a fairly simple heroes journey. There is even more of this stuff too throughout the rest of the film, like we see in vivid detail how the empire sends the poorest of these worlds to fight in off world conflicts across the entire galaxy to eliminate native resistance and install a regime loyal to the emperor. It is fascinating way to show how oppressive and brutal this fascist empire is... When Han’s escape plan fails and he is separated for Qi’ra, he is then forced to escape from the gangs and imperial authorities by posing as a civilian looking to become a soldier in the empires army, though he does not get to be a pilot like he imagined for long. Han is thrust into a survival situation, as he and many others like him are forced to fight in a world war 1 inspired hellhole.

We see thats its not just elite storm troopers that compose the empires forces, but also these scarcely equipped mud troopers comprised of the working poor. After these amazing sequences the film settles into a more predictable heist narrative with a ragtag criminal crew, seeing Solo develop into the character we all know and love from those original films. Finding Chewie, getting the Falcon, his iconic Blaster, meeting Lando you name it and its all here!

Solid stuff.

STAR WARS THE FORCE UNLEASHED 2008.

Originally intended to be the official bridge between REVENGE OF THE SITH and the 1977 CLASSIC STAR WARS. This game tells the tale of Darth Vader's secret apprentice Starkiller, who is tasked in eliminating the emperors enemies and former Jedi.

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The game received very mixed reviews upon release as it was criticised for being perhaps a little rushed and a very bland button masher in terms of gameplay mechanics. Though the way in which you could use the force was pretty impressive, especially when combined with very impressive physics systems. What ultimately makes this game so interesting is its story, showing us how Darth Vader desires to escape the control of his master even while he still serves him... He uses Starkiller (Who was a child he stole from his original father/former jedi he was sent to kill), as a means to find the emperors enemies covertly, who just so happen to be rallying together to fight against the sith lord. In so doing Starkiller becomes a double agent, encouraging the formation of this resistance while at the same time killing Jedi to appease Lord Vader and aid his secret plan to assert control of the empire from within.

Over the course of this journey Starkiller will eventually grow to be sympathetic to the rebel cause and fight for the freedom of the galaxy, though I wont spoil the specifics here.

Like with the previous media shown in this review we get even more glimpses into the ways in which this galaxy operates, and also how the empire operates. We see junkyard planets filled with the remnants of the clone wars, a deathstar in a very early stage of construction, and small insurrections formed by a surviving Jedi striking at the hearts of the imperial war machine. Its pretty similar to how Fallen order does it, but I feel that Fallen order does a much better job at this while at the same time being a phenomenal gameplay experience.

Despite its flaws though FORCE UNLEASHED is still a fun adventure that fits surprisingly well in the overall narrative i’m experiencing here chronologically! :D

ROGUE ONE A STAR WARS STORY 2016.

The first movie in the STAR WARS anthology film series, ROGUE ONE does everything that SOLO did right perhaps even more so! This movie takes place directly before the events of the 1977 classic, showing us the daring mission to secure the Deathstar plans that Luke then stumbles upon. What is so clever about this narrative is how it wraps a human story around such a small annoying detail in a new hope relating to the Deathstar’s ultimate weakness we are all aware of. The thermal exhaust port...

ROGUE ONE shows us how the empire exploits the minds and talents of the galaxy’s brightest individuals to construct its oppressive technology and weapons, destroying livelihoods and families in the process as we see in the opening. Galen Erso, a former lead scientist for the Deathstar super weapon project has gone into hiding to avoid aiding in the empires efforts to construct it, becoming a moisture farmer on a remote world. Much to his dismay, Director Orson Krennic a high ranking imperial officer he was once associated with has discovered the location of this farm and intends to bring him back to finish the research on the weapon.

Foreseeing this eventuality that he will become a hostage to the program, he devises a plan to hide his wife and daughter from the empire while he attempts to avoid being taken away, something that unfortunately is unlikely to happen... The plan does ultimately fail and his wife is killed, while only his daughter manages to escape Krennic’s elite bodyguards. Its a very emotional and impactful opening sequence that has real world relevancy, the history of WMD’s are full of personal tragic complexities like this for example.

Jyn Erso, Galen’s daughter is orphaned by this event, growing up to become a member of local rebel groups until becoming disgruntled and solitary. When broken out of imperial prison she will soon realise once tasked by the Alliance to retrieve information on the Deathstar that her Father is still alive, and while forced to work on the weapon placed a weakness in the design of the station the rebels can exploit. The groundwork for his revenge. The scene where she views the message made for her is amazing, see for yourself.

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Its very well executed and the emotional impact of the scene really makes it heartfelt while also expanding the universe in a really unique way! The climax of the film expertly shows us the bravery and sacrifice involved in a mission like this aswell, but I wont spoil it go watch the movie yourself to see :D. Again like with the other media shown, it sprinkles in lots of social and political commentary in its visual world building.

This is what a STAR WARS prequel should do!

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I hope you enjoyed these reviews and are encouraged to add these films to your viewing list :). I’m now going to be rewatching the 4k restored theatrical cuts of the original trilogy then playing battlefronts 2′s singleplayer so stay tuned for those reviews once they release!

#star wars #Review #star wars prequels

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almaasi · 6 years

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reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x05 “Nightmare Logic”

oh, what a perfectly soft and emotional Destiel-parallelly piece of Meredith Glynn artwork. so precious, so loved~

03:47pm

things i know about this: meredith glynn wrote it

LET’S WATCH

03:50

noooo maggie don’t do things like this alooooone

i like the music as she enters... kinda weird and sparkly and awkward

03:53

sammy...... you know what you need

someone to do the night shift

if only...... you had.............. someone else........................

*looks pointedly at dean*

03:55

where does sam get the financial resources for shit like body cams

we never see them running credit card scams any more so........ ???????

03:57

i love these cable things by the roads

so aesthetic

03:58

even more spooky pretty music as dean and sam enter the tomb

03:59

dean and sam lie so effortlessly and so in sync

i always enjoy seeing them do this, ever since dean told a firefighter he needed to go back into his apartment because he has a yorkie who pees when he’s nervous

04:01

aw man i thought the “colleagues” would be cas and jack

bobby and mary’s cool too

04:02

bobby’s wearing a cap like michael’s

and mary’s wearing a coat like cas’

..does this mean this story’s gonna be about dean’s war between those two things, like the two worlds he knows

bobby’s parenting vs. mary’s parenting

michael’s need for him as a vessel vs. cas’ love for him as a bestest buddy bro friend

not sure how bobby = micheal / mary = cas but i’m sure there’ll be some kind of explanation later

OR maybe they’re just costumes and they mean nothing

but......is that ever true? trenchcoats are automatically a cas thing now. and that cap is so iconic as michael now???

04:09

i relate to this lady in the suit who has had Too Much Of Everything

i enjoy seeing people know their limits and expressing them to others rather than continuing past breaking point

sam’s doing great but also....... no

take a page from this lady’s book, sammy

04:11

mary’s walking with sam

and i just wanna take a minute to appreciate how EASY meredith glynn’s episodes are to watch

her scripts flow so gently and everything makes logical sense

and her characters are coherent

there’s just this nice touch of emotional human realism cloaking all the supernatural weirdness and i so, so appreciate that

like.. for me personally, there’s not a single writer on the current team whose writing comes close to glynn’s

i want her to write more episodes with cas though, i know she’d write him just right

i honestly feel like i’m being hugged by someone as i watch this

so soft around my heart

is good

04:16

sam: “you [and bobby have] gotten pretty close lately”

mary: “i thought so too”

OH WAIT I GET IT

I GET THE COAT AND THE HAT NOW

IT’S A DESTIEL THING

OH MY FUCKING GOD HOW DID I MISS THAT

IT’S SO BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS HOLY FUCKING FUCKDISAFKDSHGF

even the casual viewers will probably have noticed this one. i know it took me a second but as soon as this discussion happened it clicked

this is probably the most obvious parallel they’ve ever done i think

i didn’t see it before because i didn’t EXPECT it, you know?? ugh this is so validating

04:22

now every word mary says, i’m just envisioning how it applies to cas’ perspective too

“he’s been hunting all the time, he won’t take a break even for a second. there’s something on his mind”

yeah, that mICHEAL HAT, quite literally sitting over his head like a dark halo

04:26

the music in this episode is just so pleasing to my ears

04:31

things i appreciate:

normal people being all “wtf you hunt monsters” and just being present while dean and sam talk about their shit

sam’s reference to “hunteri heroici” (my all-time fave episode besides “scoobynatural” jdgd that was five years ago what the hell)

04:35

me: takes screenshot of this very pretty, very anxious lady because i want my hair to do what her hair does

04:36

oop we just found the dean mirror and now we get to hear someone talk about the things he feels and offer advice that ultimately helps himself

god i love this

AND THE FACT I CAN UNDERSTAND THIS PARALLEL AND WHY IT’S HAPPENING

AGAIN SOLIDIFIES THE DEAN/CAS THING WITH BOBBY/MARY

because what mary said about bobby = what cas thinks about dean = what’s true about dean = this lady being overworked = dean not taking time off from hunting

(although it does seem to specifically apply to sam as well ?)

and sam mentioned earlier about how the dad he knew and the dad mary knew were different people, plus the earlier mentions this season about john’s problematic parenting (i forget when)

yeah that really makes a point of saying john abused his kids, for sure

lady: “he was gone all the time, working for us, he said”

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

lady: “i worshipped him when i was a kid. didn’t know any better”

oh deanie

please take notes

please know it’s okay to be angry at john and not continue to love him in a way that excuses his behaviours, even 14 years after he died

wait wait wait

dean tells her to let it go, it’s the past, there’s nothing you can do about it now so it’s just baggage

WAIT

THAT MEANS

THAT MEANS HE LET THAT SHIT GO ALREADY???????

WHOA

OKAY COOL. COOL COOL COOL I’M PROUD OF YOU

now go be gay with cas

“i try. every single day.”

hell yeah dean winchester giving good mental health advice to people and also millions of depressed people with various traumas watching this

ngl this legit just helped me a tiny bit with my issues with my own dad

urhgutguugb meredith glynn you are the good we need in this world

..............suddenly getting real emotional because goddamn i wanna meet her someday ;~; i wanna meet 1. misha and 2. meredith glynn, maaaaybe 3. jensen idk

mEREDITH GLYNN IS MY KINDRED SPIRIT

and DEAN WINCHESTER HELPS ME BE A MORE SELF-ACCEPTING PERSON

yay

04:49

no but like.......... everyone seemed to enjoy last week’s episode, i only saw people posting good reviews. and i felt bad not not enjoying it, even though all the things people pointed out should’ve been right up my alley, something about the overall thing just fell flat for me

but this one

this one speaks to my heart

04:53

maggie: “i didn’t mean to get caught--”

sam: “no no no, stop that. you did nothing wrong. okay?”

sam being a better dad to maggie than john ever was to anyone

04:57

OH NO BOBBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!