#like yeah Jean now has reasons to live but exy will never be a reason *to* live. just a reason he is allowed to live

[momofmysquad]

I can't stop thinking about how for Neil exy is a means of living. He used to just survive on the run but his love of exy gave him a reason to live and to fight instead of just staying on the run until he died. But for Jean exy has always just been a means of survival and always will be. Since Jean was 14 his ability to play exy has been the only thing preventing him from being killed and it will be like that until he retires. Jean doesn't like exy, but he has to play it because it is the only part of him that the Moriyamas see value in. And yes, it is also the only part of Neil and Kevin that the moriyamas see value in, but they love exy. Neil risked his life to join the foxes because he loved exy and Kevin relearned the sport because he refused to not play it. But Jean only knows exy and doesn't love exy. Neil made a deal deciding Jean's fate. Jean described the deal as a pretty cage and that is exactly what it is to him. For Neil and Kevin, exy has meant freedom but for Jean it will always be a prison.

#like yeah Jean now has reasons to live but exy will never be a reason *to* live. just a reason he is allowed to live #and Neil and Kevin are aware this is still not true freedom but at least they love what they're doing #all for the game #aftg #the sunshine court #tsc #thinking about Neil and Jean hours #Neil Josten #Jean Moreau #Kevin Day

[catboygretzky]

Exyblr Dashboard Simulator based on what I personally see on sportsblr:

3/?

🫡 exyisntreal follow

actually the real reason they call it the fox HOLE court is - *exy ball hits my head, immediately killing me*

197 notes

😎 foxyknoxy

@ sports news.................

there are so many other ways you can say this

🐋 sexyexy

can i add another personal fav?

😎 foxyknoxy

how do they keep getting away with this

#the real question now is: #DOES kevin day top neil josten? DOES neil josten edge kevin day?

876 notes

👁 jean-mor-uhoh

asking exy fans "is he attractive or is he just tall and athletic" is so funny like - no no no we've accepted that he isn't attractive. he's just some guy. the most Some Guy some guy in the world. he probably uses 3 in 1 shampoo/conditioner/body wash and drives a big truck bc he thinks it looks manly. he has no discernable personality besides 'athlete' and listens to terrible country music. can he even read? questionable.

#you don't need to tell us #we know #the average looking rep we need!

960 notes

🥰 boytoyjeremyknox follow

I'M SICK OF NCAA EXY MIC DROPS !!!!!! KEVIN DAY NEVER WENT SKIING AND NOW I HAVE JEREMY KNOX IN MY FACE TELLING ME JEAN MOREAU IS A TROJAN??????????????? I CAN'T HANDLE THIS

#this is too MUCH i need PEACE and QUIET also omg hiiiii jere u look so slurpable covered in sweat

201 notes

🫡 exyisntreal follow

yeah espn+ is fun and all but then you get to the ad break and LIVE SPORTS! ESPN+ ORIGINALS! smacks you in the face and you regret everything

🧸 mreow-bearcats-mreow

had a dream once where riko moriyama was standing at the end of my bed like a sleep paralysis demon, stage whispering "LIVE SPORTS!" over and over

🫡 exyisntreal follow

girl r you like,,,, ok?

🧸 mreow-bearcats-mreow

no 👍

506 notes

👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻 talk-exy-to-me

kevin day????????! like from the fanfiction??!?!

405 notes

🏳️‍🌈 gay4stickball follow

seeing a player on campus is always a trip like logically i know you go to my school. we've shared classes. but this is MY coffee shop i frequent and your stupid exy ass should never be NEAR ME go back to the FANFICTION where you belong!!!!!!!!!!!

#leave me be

376 notes

🌸 a-softer-exy

neil josten x kevin day - hands

#neil josten #kevin day #psu #psu foxes #palmetto #0210 #kdnj #njkd #web weave #exy #hands

3,076 notes

#all for the game #kevin day #neil josten #jeremy knox #jean moreau #kevneil #exyblr #aftg #mine #the espn+ is for the real ones sorry if you dont understand #once again the web weave is the most accurate part of this #the foxhole court #the sunshine court #tsc spoilers #tsc

[fallenstarzz]

The Kayleigh Lives AU - Part Two

And now for our check in with the World's Most Normalest Exy teams

Do you know who is 100% no exception capital T Thriving in this AU? Danielle Wilds.

I mean, she's still the first female captain in the NCAA, but in this universe she has actual support from inside the ERC board due to Kayleigh's insistance through the years

It has to do something for your ego when the creator of your sport namedrops you in multiple international interviews and also sends you a gift basket when you get nominated captain.

So yeah, even though the Foxes are still a mess and didn't pass the fourth game, Dan's having the time of her life. Good for her, honestly.

Kayleigh always attends the NCAA banquets because it's an easy excuse to be close to Kevin. Also the team spirit award isn't named after her, but she is the one to announce the winner every year. The Trojans have a running gag of the captain always making the exact same silly pose so they have a wall filled with basically the same picture a dozen times with minor differences – the main one being the five stages of grief on Kayleigh's face as she realises what's going on

Kayleigh's been avoiding Wymack at these things for ages because, look, when you decide you're gonna keep your baby a secret from your ex it's not a general expectation the two of you are going to meet face-to face regurlaly and be expected to make stilted small talk where he's very likely to ask about your son. And she doesn't need any rumors about them rising up again after all her efforts to kill the Baby Daddy speculation stories. If they come back, eventually someone is going to do the math right.

Also Kayleigh's pretty sure that after enough glasses of wine she'd hit on him again and even she's self aware enough to know that would be kind of a dick move

But she has always kept an eye on the Foxes, not only because she still has a little soft spot for Wymack, but also because his ideals of giving troubled kids a second chance trough Exy aligns itself a lot more with her ideals than wathever the hell the Ravens are doing now

(she would however like them a lot more if they were actually good at the sport)

So on these things she usually alternates between schmoozing with the ERC and being plastered by Kevin's side. She never wears red or black just to mess with the color scheme but claims it's not to show favoritism. She takes blatant advantage of the fact that Kevin never had an "embaressed of your mom" phase and frequently sits herself between Kevin and Riko.

Most of the Ravens don't complain because they are taught not to question authority but most importantly because Kevin's mom is hot. So she can disturbe the vibes a little, as a treat

Kayleigh is a frequent point of tension between Riko and Tetsuji, because she is of an almost equal standing to him in hierarchy (in that weird grey area where they both are important assets to the side branch with some autonomy but, ultimately, their leash is only as slack as Tetsuji decides to allow), so he's supposed to owe her some respect, but she is also his only competition for Tetsuji's affection and Kevin's obedience. The only reason he hasn't acted out against her yet is that Riko's waiting for Kayleigh and Tetsuji to fight so he can be sure his is the side his uncle will pick.

Jean is also not her greatest fan. Mostly because he sees Kayleigh as someone who willingly put herself and her son in a position Jean would do anything to get out of, but also because she's the safest person for him to hate. Jean learned the hard way not get in the Master or Riko's bad side, and Kevin is his only support inside the Nest. But she has very little direct impact on his life besides protecting him by proxy when she watches over Kevin, just because Riko's generally not allowed to hurt ANYONE during those times. It always gets a bit worse when she leaves, however, and Riko has pent-up frustation to take off. Jean hates her a little bit for that, too.

Neither of them could get Kevin to think badly of his mother, though. His faith in Kayleigh is one of the only things the Nest never managres to beat out of him.

At the Winter Banquet, the only time she leaves the Raven table is to approach Dan. She wants to congratulate her personally on the efforts this season and maybe offer some words of encouragement and advice.

Despite her many efforts to avoid the coaches' table like the plague, however, she ends up going up to the Foxes' table right when Wymack was coming to check that they hadn't set anything on fire.

It's an extremely awkward interaction. She calls him by his first name but looks like she's swallowed a lemon the entire time. He feels like there is no safe place on her person to look and so stares slightly over her shoulder into the distance. They can't decide wether to hug or politely shake hands and end up with stilted nods. They HAVE talked before, but it always feels like it's the first time they are seeing each other since the break up. It's been twenty years and at this point both of them have given up expecting things to get lighter. It's just that it's kind of hard to get over the multiple elephants in the room.

The Foxes eat it the FUCK up.

Allison could smell the divorce like a bloodhound. Seth however doesn't believe Coach could actually pull Kayleigh Day.

The SECOND Kayleigh and Wymack awkardly turn away and flee in opposite directions, the betting pool starts

The score is as follows: Coach hit on her when they were younger and got rejected (Seth, Fifth Year Seniors) / They had a one night stand a long time ago and it was Very Bad (Nicky) / They had a one night stand a long time ago and it was Very Good (Renée, Matt) / They dated but Kayleigh ended it (Allison) / They dated but Wymack ended it (Dan)

Andrew refuses to bet. When Nicky presses the twins a bit too much, Aaron gets annoyed and decides to bet that Wymack is actually Kevin Day's biological father. No one takes him seriously.

The team sat across them tries to pretend nothing happened

Some time between the reunion and her 100th check up on Kevin, Kayleigh ends up missing a very important discussion between the ERC and Tetsuji

#cutting this one here because it's running a bit long #but part 3 with the Big Reveal and Kevin's injury aftermath is coming soon #all for the game #aftg #Kayleigh Lives AU #andrew minyard #kevin day #jean moreau #kayleigh day #coach wymack #david wymack #dan wilds #matt boyd #seth gordon #allison reynolds #renee walker #aaron minyard #nicky hemmick #psu foxes #edgar allan ravens #tetsuji moriyama #riko moriyama #aftg fic #bullet fic

[xlady-saya]

Hello! I don’t really use this account a whole lot but I wanted to go ahead and make a pinned post, which I’ll hopefully remember to update frequently lol. Anyways, here’s a collection of the fics I’ve written for aftg, andreil, and others so far ^^

progress comes in small steps series [complete]

and we’re just starting to get it [Rated T, 11.1k]

Neil is nothing and everything all at once, the entire universe for Andrew, however small of a universe that is. Even Aaron is starting to see it, though the pieces still don't line up.

And Andrew is trying to convince Aaron that he's never jealous? Yeah right. You don't spend your entire life being denied, being hurt, going through foster care with nothing to call your own only to be okay with someone else trying to take the one bright piece of life you call yours.

Or, Aaron is done with Andrew's shit and makes it his job to prove his brother wrong.

there’s always more to learn [Rated T, 12.3k]

The subject of Katelyn and Neil hasn't felt like dangerous territory in a long time, but Aaron feels the bomb countdown already coming to an end before Bee even opens her mouth.

"Well, the two of them are so alike," Bee goes on, oblivious to the tension leaking into the space. Her smile is pleasant, teasing. "It just goes to show how you and Andrew have similar tastes despite being so different."

The world freezes on its axis.

Andrew inhales a little too loudly the same time Aaron chokes on his spit. "W-What?"

trust is a slow process [Rated T, 7.3k]

If Katelyn had been stealthier, she could've escaped the crowded dance floor without Andrew seeing her.

But of course, she's no Neil.

Or: Katelyn and Andrew spend some unwanted quality time together, and Katelyn sees things for what they are.

someday there won’t be scowls [Rated T, 8.1k]

Neil finds that even with his mind's best efforts to hang onto the wounds of the past, his opinion of Aaron just isn't what it used to be. He can thank Andrew and Katelyn for a lot of it, but his own observations certainly help.

When he sees Aaron like this, the mix of worry and adoration on his face as he thinks of Katelyn, Neil can't help but feel too exposed himself.

It's a start.

I want this touch to be familiar [Rated E, 38.1k]

Deep down, Andrew knew he would always reach this crossroads, a time where the thought became too strong to ignore.

Going all the way with Neil. It's not something he can continue to avoid thinking about. When Andrew looks back to the days where he held Neil's hands down, when he never got off with him in the same room, he's forced to acknowledge how much he's allowed.

Not allowed. Welcomed. Wanted.

But that’s not all there is to it, and the desire to make a decision finally makes itself known.

if magic exists, you’re the closest thing [Rated T, 16.2k]

The concept of love is not one Andrew understands.

For a long time, it escaped him. It's always fuzzy, always distorted. He'd given up on it long ago, so why is he still chasing answers?

Whatever the reason, he's content to blame Jean Moreau for a lot of things, Katelyn too.

It's their fault he's here, at the happiest place on earth.

this red is for you [Rated T, 10.8k]

Katelyn never considered herself capable of doling out violence.

It has always been a far away thought, dampened by college courses and late night dates with her boyfriend. She lives a stereotypical life, despite everything she's been through with Aaron. Aside from her growing connection with the notoriously troublesome Foxes, nothing much about her life has changed.

Even then, she's learning she's still able to surprise herself. When Katelyn witnesses Neil defending Andrew, her own protective rage rears its head, ready to be explored.

And maybe that's a good thing.

an unconventional crossing [Rated T, 8.1k]

Aaron likes to believe he and Andrew have a lot more practice navigating their conversations now. And he’s right, mostly. But sometimes, challenges arise at the strangest times, and especially when their significant others are concerned.

In which Andrew and Aaron run into each other at the grocery store, and choose not to part ways.

the roads I traveled with you [Rated T, 35.5k]

When his brother gets engaged, Aaron doesn't expect it to send his head spinning as much as it does. Marriage has always felt like a dream, or a nightmare, one he never thought either of them would be able to achieve.

In that moment, Aaron remembers what he's always known, what keeps his head above water. He wants to be with Katelyn forever. That's never been a question. But marriage hadn't been brought up. For so long it was this abstract concept, a fantasy. He'd always reasoned with himself that it would happen, rationally of course it would, but now...

Now Andrew has made the idea a reality, and Aaron has to confront his own wants for his future.

one shots/multichapters

I’ve had a love of my own [Rated T, ongoing]

Despite everything Neil could’ve imagined for his life, he never thought he’d be here, finally giving the world the interview they’ve always wanted.

It’s been decades, but even with his numerous accolades and sports wins, he finds that they’re the least important thing about his life.

Neil can’t help but laugh. Andrew would be so annoyed if he were here.

Of course, Neil only wants to talk about him, and the life they spent together.

slurred [Rated M, 1.6k]

They're not the type of people to give up control, but with each other they're willing to bend the rules.

growing pains [Rated T, 10.6k]

Stuart knows it’s perfectly normal for teenagers to have crushes. That’s why he’s not surprised in the slightest when Neil starts acting strange; lighter, happier. However, what he doesn’t expect is for the crush to leak into his everyday life—or literally take up residence in his house. Or: five times Stuart knew Neil was hiding a nighttime guest, and one time he actually met him.

your hands are mine to hold [Rated E, 6.7k]

It has taken a long time for Thea to accept a lot of aspects of their past. Her eyes track the fear in Kevin's eyes, emboldened by how his own resolve wears it away year by year. She'll never take that sight for granted.

It's hard to ignore the weights on both of them, with their lives so eaten up by the Exy world and memories of the Nest, but one thing has always remained consistent.

Thea trusts Kevin Day with her everything, and she'll never hesitate to follow him into battle.

better than a night light [Rated T, 7.3k]

Neil hasn’t had the chance to examine the feeling of fear in a long time. He’s all too familiar with it though; from the nightmares, to the memories of a cold basement floor, he knows the feeling like the back of his hand.

But this fear is new, loaded with ridiculousness and a complete lack of reason. It’s nothing more than pixels on a screen, far away theories that can’t hurt him like his past can.

Maybe that’s why he’s beginning to not mind it as much. It doesn’t hurt that Andrew is also there to hold him through it.

Playtime [Rated E, 6.7k]

There was a time when Andrew might've questioned being so into this.

Not anymore.

take what you want [Rated E, 5.4k]

Laila has come a long way from her freshman year, past all the worries and pressure to behave a certain way. She never thought she’d realize it here, lounging poolside with her girlfriend.

The urge to seduce Alvarez is just too good to let go.

a product of absence [Rated T, 7.8k]

It’s funny, Andrew thinks, that this would be seen as a curse in any other situation. Two people, thrown apart by time and circumstances, desperately searching for one another.

But Andrew has never doubted Neil’s return. He’s not running, he’s not worried. It’s perhaps the only waiting game that’s been worth it, that he understands, because this bond with Neil has only ever made sense to him.

In another life, Neil made this much clear: they would always find each other in the end.

here I am, there you go again [Rated T, 17.5k]

There's many things about the past Neil chooses to leave behind, and most of the time it's for the best. For some reason though, his brain can't help but cling to the last memories of him.

"My Ex." Neil bites his tongue at the word, because it never feels right. At this point, so many years later, that man is no one. A stranger. He shouldn't presume to know him anymore than his ex should presume to know Neil.

If he remembers Neil at all.

But Neil should know better than anyone that the past always has a way of catching up to him, and this time, he's not as willing to run as he might've initially thought.

losing battle [Rated M, 3.4k]

It's always been Nicky's dream to be closer with his cousins. However, when he opens Andrew's mail to find more than he bargained for, he finds himself regretting the wish. Unfortunately, no matter how much Andrew's warmed up to him in the last few years, Nicky's pretty sure he'll die (literally) if Andrew finds out.

Nicky's mission begins.

temper, temper [Rated T, 3.7k]

"You paid for the deluxe package," Neil says as he scrolls through his payment history to find his client's invoice. His system is simple:

Basic Package: Fuck you. A general statement of displeasure and a brief description of the wrongdoing.

Intermediate Package: Fuck you, with passion. Everything in the basic package, but with additional insults. Customizable for an extra fee.

Deluxe Package: Fuck you to hell. Everything from the first two packages, for an extended period of time, and with extra viciousness.

And it looks like Andrew Minyard is the unlucky soul today.

a new contract [Rated T, 7.2k]

Neil’s request is simple on its face, but infinitely complicated given his history.

“Convince your team to sign me.”

And this was Andrew’s deal: If Neil can prove that he’s serious, that he can build a new life for himself so that he doesn’t end up crawling back to Riko, Andrew will convince his coach to recommend him for recruitment in the fall.

Yes, it was meant to be black and white…

But Andrew should’ve known better. Nothing ever is.

What a Rush [Rated E, 1.6k]

It's always Andrew's goal to stretch Neil's pleasure to its limits, and he's barely begun to scratch the surface.

locked together [Rated E, 8.3k]

Andrew licks his lips and tugs on the tail of the beast inside him, righting it so it can point him in the direction of what he's searching for. Neil looks good on top of him, panting and giddy, and it's rare that Andrew doesn't want to flip them over and make Neil fall apart.

But...every once in a while...

Well, he's relaxed today. He wants to listen, he wants orders, he wants to be controlled so long as the control comes from Neil.

do you like scary movies? [Rated T, 22.5k]

To say Andrew has never seen the benefit in the make-believe would be a lie. However, he finds less and less use for it as he grows older. He especially fails to see the benefits of anything from the horror genre; he’s made plenty of his own mistakes, has seen more than enough to terrify him in his life. He doesn’t need to rely on jump scares and idiotic protagonists.

But when he meets Neil, self-proclaimed horror archivist, he finds that maybe he never gave the genre the credit it was due, and he ends up thanking the dull movies eventually…

They lead him to Neil, the realest thing he’s ever known.

#aftg #andreil #my fics #my writing #all for the game #kateaaron #kevthea #other pairings

[slashingdisneypasta]

Horror Villains / Misc x Reader || Drabbles

Plot: You accidentally summon Beetlejuice because he convinced you that he could help you with your Slasher problem, but he becomes an even worse problem. So, you need your Slasher to help you exterminate him, instead.

Includes: Chucky / Charles Lee Ray and Freddy Krueger

Warnings: It’s got nasty gremlin man in it (Meaning, gross language, dirty jokes and such), and also Slashers (Meaning, gore, swearing, course and suggestive language). Groping (Himself) 

Notes:

Okay, those of you who were with me at MainstreamBaddies; You remember that post I wrote about some rando killer trying to get the reader, so reader goes to the Slasher that’s also trying to kill them for help?

Well this is basically that but with (Movie) Beetlejuice as the rando.

THERE WAS MEANT TO BE MORE CHARACTERS!! But its late and I wanna slep ^^ Hopefully I’ll do Ghostface and Jason tomorrow! 

~~~

THE START / ‘Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice’

“So… “Worrying my bottom lip, I look from the wall where I can think properly to the small, ‘fun size’ version of ‘Beetlejuice’ who’s looking expectantly at me. Excited even. 

Although I guess that’s a given. If I was that small and had the possibility sitting right in front of me, of growing back to full size, and full power again, I’d be jazzed too. But, still, there’s something very off about this guy, and it isn’t just the fact that he’s the size of maybe 2 thumbs snapped off at the knuckle and taped one on top of the other. He’s very enthusiastic.

In a Gollum-Swamp Monster-Chick Hicks kind of way.

“’So’, what? I don’t have all day baaaaaay – well, I do have all day. I got nowhere to be – not many fun joints for a guy to go to at this size, amiright? Yeah, but, that’s not the point! Do you wanna get rida’ your lil’ problem or not? Eh?” Beetlejuice is practically vibrating, like an alarm clock and I have the most impulsive urge to call his name three times just to stop it.

Luckily, I have impulse control.

“Of course, I do. I… “Eyeing him pointedly, I start wringing my hands. “I just don’t want to create a new problem, in its place.”

He rolls his dark, feral racoon-panda eyes, muttering something lightning quick to himself before throwing out his arms and yelling. “BABE! I promise ya, really, sweetheart. Baby-lemon pie-dumpling-doll-dollar-sugar-tea, I’m just gonna fix your problem! All I want in the world right now is t’ cum-plete our deal! Get rida’ your Slasher, and be on my way! Unless theirs somethin’ else you ask of me, eh? When I’m back to my normal size? You know, I’m big in all the right places sugar tit- “

I took a deep, necessary breath in when he started on the ‘something else’ and now have the required breath to drown out the last words. “Oooookay!! I wont need that.” I say quickly, as a statement. He licks his lips. “But, um… Are you sure you can get rid of them?” ‘Them’. The bane of my existence right now. The co-star in the horror movie of my life. That them.

“Trust me, babe-sickle. It’ll be sinch.” For a moment, he looks absolutely calm. No vibrating, no yelling, no talking really fast. And it hits its intended mark – my assurances. Okay.

“Alright.” I wring my hands one last time, then clap them and step back from the town diorama that Beetlejuice is roaming in. I cross my arms, then drop them to my sides and look around, then finally back at the impatient ghost… who’s doing squats. Good grief, how much energy is in this guy? “Beetlejuice.”

He gasps, jumps up to his feet, nearly falling over because his weight landed wrong and then rubs his hands together. “Here we go!”

“Beetlejuice.”

“Oh. You do it right, babe.”

Oh my god, here we go. Hopefully this can’t make my situation any worse- I mean, I am being targeted by a killer. What are the odds that this goofball of a ghost could ruin my life anymore? “Beetlejuice.”

“PRESTO!”

Human! Chucky / Charles Lee Ray – Chucky’s POV:

I figure this is going to be a pain, when a screech tears from the ugly old house before I even get in. Confused, and more then frustrated because this spells out nothing but problems for me for when I get in, instead of the nice peaceful kill I was intending to enjoy, I open the screen door -bitch didn’t even lock the front door, it’s like she wants me to kill her,- and rush up the stairs to where the sound came from. “Hold on, I’m not there yet!!”

What the hell is going on?!

“Look, in my professional experience, the screamin’ doesn’t start til the killer takes out a knife, sometimes even before but not before I even get into the house, lady. The audacity of you, here- “

What am I looking at here?

In front of my eyes, my fucking eyes, stands of course Y/N, my victim. And some kind of zebra - one that’s been dead and left out in the swamp for a fuck-long time. He’s got crazy eyes if I’ve ever seen them, and have you seen mine? That’s saying something. Who is this joker? In my coat, I grip the gun I keep just in case strangulation goes awry, but don’t bring it out just yet. Not until this guy reveals his cards, first.

The guy’s eyes flicker in smug amusement from my face, to my gun pocket -evidently, he realises something’s up. Can’t blame the guy, damnit, -, then whips right around, leaving his back wide open for me and my weapon, to my facepalming victim. I smirk at her. “I take it that’s the guy you want rid of, toots?”

“Uh… yeah… “She looks adorable and awkward. The guy lets go of her waist, which he was holding close to his body as she leaned away before, when I walked in and he literally, and I’ve never seen any person do this before, halted in his tracks. Stopped breathing, stopped shifting, it even seemed like the history around him stopped for that ‘caught’ moment. And I swear I heard the sound of record music abruptly being turned off come from his mouth.

And for some odd reason, I get the feeling he’s not human. Can’t conjure a reason why, though.

I should be saying this shit out loud, I’m wasted on myself.

Figuring this guy’s been hired to get rid of me, I take out my gun. “Okay, you’re gonna have to catch me up on what’s happening... Oh, no? Well, okay.”

BAM!

A bullet flies across the room and sticks into the freak’s chest, and that is the end of things going my way.

Because the force of the bullet somehow sends him slamming across the room and through a wall in the back. His body goes ‘poot’ down two stories outside and theirs a silence that doesn’t last long enough for either Y/N or I to digest what just fucking happened before the bastard’s grotty fucking hand spiders up my spine from behind. I wriggle out of his reach immediately on impact, because it’s like a real fucking spider, and whip around, waiving my gun- which is useless now, of course.

Games are over.

The guy looks over at Y/N and grins, throwing his arms out in a ‘ta da!’ way. She winces and just narrows her eyes in a glare. “What’d you think of that, sweet cheeks? I got a flare for the dramatic, you know? Ssssexy! Eh?” When she sticks her tongue out at him, for lack of any words to respond to that with I guess -I mean, I, can think of some choice words for the guy, but she’s clearly not as creatively gifted in the art of insult as I have been told I am. But, a tongue out works, - he grins the most fucking horny grin I’ve ever seen and clutches his sack. Her jaw drops.

“Where the ever-loving fuck did you pick crazy pants up from??” I ask, looking accusingly at Y/N. She chews on the inside of her cheeks and looks even more awkward then before.

“Truce?” She asks, instead of answering my question. I’m genuinely curious.

I roll my eyes. “Ughh, fine.”

“Oh well that won’t do,” The guy speaks up again, looking between us and letting his Johnson go, thank god. The boys have to breath! “Baby girl, blossom, light of my FUCKING DEATH! You wound me. riGHT IN THE HEART! Let me show you, sweetgums, why that was a bad idea.”

Her eyes widen, and I suddenly feel real unsafe. “How about you don’t- “

“Watch this!”

He turns to me, makes some overdramatic hand gestures, throwing his back out in the process and momentarily acting like he’s out of order.

Then he whips back into action and shoots me with finger guns,

And then suddenly everything around me looks 4 times bigger then before. Oh, well, its that or… I’m closer to the ground.

Because I’m a fucking doll again.

I slowly look up from the little black baby shoes and the edges of the godamn jean jumpsuit, to the infected condom in black and white grease paint. “… You son-of-a-bitch.”

He chuckles and turns to Y/N, and gives her finger guns too, but the only other thing that happens this time is he winks at her. “Now, baby! Time to get hitched!”

“What?!” She shrieks.

Freddy Krueger – Freddy’s POV:

“I’m going to die of boredom before this bitch catches winks. I’m gonna pummel her with the counting sheep she clearly needs when she gets here.” The corners of my mouth lift up from the deep scowl I was wearing before, at the idea. It has merit.  

Behind me the fine folks of Pompeii run for their lives and a red and green striped Vesuvius explodes molten lava over their little town when I remember it’s been 2 days since she’s fallen asleep. Or found some fucking Hypnocil. Or killed herself. Who knows, really. I have a… deadly effect on women.

But damn, it would be a bummer if she killed herself. I was having fun with her. I had plans.

Have, have. I have plans. I won’t give up hope yet.

An hour, or who knows how long later -time is a human construct and doesn’t exist in the dream plain, - , I’m lying on the ground watching Psycho play in the sky when that familiar tingle rushes through me, telling me someone’s entered my world.

I’m just getting up and brushing myself off, taking my damn time like she left me to wait -besides, I can turn back time and make it seem like I appeared instantaneously if I want to. Time’s a construct, remember? And this is my world. I’m just doing this for me, to make me feel better, - when she comes out of fucking nowhere and nearly knocks me over. Im-ee-diate-ly I open my mouth to ask her why she’s so eager, but she beats me to the punch, causing me sadness.

“Wake up, wake up, wake up!”

Hold on, I definitely think there’s something off here. Don’t I make the fucking demands?! “Bitch- ”

“Wake!”

“-I haven’t done anything to you yet.” 

“Up!”

“Goddamn!”

What is going on here!?

“I’ll do anything you want, just please. Wake me up!” Her eyes are deadly serious, and I can’t help the greedy smile I get at her submissive idea. What could have made her this way? I laugh.

“Ohhh, I’ll think it over. Tempting offer, though~” She lets out a growl and let’s go of me in pure frustration, looks around quickly for something and then lays eyes on my glove. She picks it up, and my eyes widen in surprise at what she does next.

The blade slices through the skin in her upper arm before I can take any control of the situation, and a nauseous feeling suddenly rolls me and she whimpers from the pain of slicing herself open, as the world goes blurry around us and she wakes up- of course, still holding my glove, which is attached to me, so I go with her.

“Fucking he- “

Much quicker than you think it will be, we both turn up back in the fucking reality. She hops up immediately and flies across the room to a first aid box.

I’m just assuming, I mean. Because I don’t make any move to leave the bed at all and just close my eyes and groan, and resist the urge to cry.

I hate this placceeeeeeeeee.

“BABES, YOU’RE BACK!”

Now I resist the urge to scream and phase out of existence, because a man just appeared on the bed with me and called me his babes. Instead, I slowly turn my head to him and sinisterly narrow my eyes- and hope he doesn’t notice my distress from a second ago.

I’m starting to understand why Y/N was so intent on getting back here. If this guy, a dung beetle with… oh, god. Clearly, some kind of terrible illness if that smell indicates anything, was hanging around me while I slept, I’d be… slightly bothered too. If only for the stink!

He squints, and while he does, his hair flickers through the various colours in the rainbow, confused. “Sweetbottom, theirs something different about you. Did you get contacts?”

As a knee jerk reaction, I stab him in the gut with my blades. “Stranger danger, bitch!”

My panic dissolves into glee as I jerk the knives upwards… just to turn back into panic when he starts tearing all the way in half from my stab wound up to the top of his head with minimal effort from me. I gulp, and retreat from him to where Y/N is, taping her bandages securely around her arm. I gesture to the freak who’s padded onto the floor and is zipping himself back together in front of my eyeballs. “… the fuck is that?”

“That’s Beetlejuice, he’s a ghost=

“With the most, baby.” ‘Beetlejuice’ stands up straight and rests his hands on his hips, chest puffed out and winks at Y/N. 

“-What do we do?”  She asks, looking with wide eyes at me. 

What does she think I am? The Fairy Godmother of the dead?? I’m no godmoth-

… I could use this. A slow grin spreads across my mouth. “First, you go over there and distract him.” 

For a split second she looks like she’s actually going to go with it, then looks with furrowed, unimpressed eyebrows at me. ‘Beetlejuice’ makes grabby hands at us, and she starts to look more panicked by the second. “And what will you do??”

I yank the bedroom door open. “Run!!”

#Keatlejuice #Beetlejuice #Chucky #Charles Lee Ray #Freddy Krueger #Drabbles #Scenarios #Part 1 #Horror / Misc Drabbles || Part 1 #Beetlejuice x Reader #Keatlejuice x Reader #Chucky x Reader #Charles Lee Ray x Reader #Freddy Krueger x Reader

[sadboyayeron]

THE ONLY VALID MORIYAMA Nikoshi Doe

I came up with this Idea of Kevin having to raise Rikos son who’s name I decide would be Nikoshi Doe aka Niko

Enjoy

So If you Read “Tapping on my Chamber door” 

You know Nikoshi’s mother, Naima Dixon was born in Jamaica but came to the states at a young age after her mom past away.  She lived in the Bronx with her Aunt. She had tight curls aften in box breads or corn cornrows and dark skin with light brown eyes. She was 5’8.  Had a muscular build from all the years of track and had a scholarship to run at Eager Allen University. She was soon to have a spot on the olympic team for long jump, 100, 200 and 400 meters. She was then pregnant with Nikoshi after her and Riko started there little hook up.  The knew of each other but they first met in class.  She noticed Riko looking at her.

“Like what you see.”  I was trying to catch him off guard but he didn’t even look surprise.  But then he smiled.  Something sharp that left me feeling tingly, similar to how I feel before racing.  

“Not to bad, no.”  He chuckled, looked me up and down before he landed back on my eyes, “Want to sit.”

He left me in a trance and I took a seat next to him and sat my books in front of me.  I tucked some braids behind my ear and looked at him again, he was looking back with a smug smile on his face.  

At first I was thinking Nikoshi was Rikos frozen sperm and his mother was forced by Rikos uncle to have him BUT I decide that Riko died before he knew about Naima being pregnant She found out she was pregnant and went to Riko’s uncle for help and he said to give him the kid and she could get her scholarship Back.  So she agreed naming him “Nico” but sadly she died while giving birth from bleeding out. Tesuji doesn’t use that name and changes it to ‘Nikoshi’ stripping him of any last name (Doe) putting the kid into the system in the same place she grow up in Bronx. Ichirou is informed of Nikoshi ten years later after having his Uncle killed. Who then informs kevin.

Nikoshi is from the Bronx has a accent when he speaks. He knows Spanish because of the amount of Dominican and Puerto Rican foster parents he’s had.  Kinda understands broken english two because one of his foster brothers was from Jamaica which is cool because he knows he’s half Jamaican and some type of asian. He wears beat up high top jordan 1s baggy ripped jeans and long sleeves with a baggy jacket. He plays soccer because the system put him on a team and he’s very fast. He didn’t have much clothes but his best ones are the uniforms and he’s fine with that. He also plays street basketball and baseball with some kids in the area.

Kevin has to take Nikoshi in, according to Ichirou. Bringing Neil and Andrew with him. Ichirou just sent him a picture a kid and he was confused until he got that call that explained everything. He doesn’t need to explain who the kid is because you can clearly tell from the picture. Though the kid has milk cholclate skin, and curly hair that falls around his head in a fro.

When he frist sees Nico he has a scrape scab on his cheek, bruises on his wrist and purple knuckles. His ears a surprisingly pierced.

They find out Nikoshi Doe goes by Niko, he likes chocolate and cafe con leche (coffee), he likes shoes, he likes the color green, he uses a lot of slang and sometimes uses broken english and spanglish words, he’s quite but hyper and doesn’t know how to say still, asks why a lot, he hates math and likes to read, he loves listening to music it’s his safe place, he was diagnosed with ADHD/ADD and takes a pill in the morning and after noon on school days, he doesn’t like the way the pills make him feel, he likes Bee, Bee suspects Niko my be Borderline but it’s hard to tell, Kevin explains Riko was too.  When they go to pick up Nikoshi they are informed of his diagnoses. 

“So Kevin Day, It is very nice to meet you my husband loves watching you guys play Exy,” She smiled at them and then opened a drawer in her desk pulling out two folders.“ Now these paper were just printed out today.  One from Nikoshi’s Doctor and another from his psychologist.”  Kevin straightened his back more at that.

“Psychologist?”  She looked up at Kevin.

“Yes, a lot of children in foster care go to see a therapist.  It helps cope with abandonment and makes sure the kids are transitioning well in their new homes.”  She opened one of the folders.  “Nikoshi saw a therapist who recommended him to a psychologist.  He was diagnosed with ADHD/ADD and given medication.  He went through three different medications before he was put on Focalin XR.  His biggest issues are impulsivity, managing feelings, and energy.  There is more information in the folder with getting the prescription at a pharmacy and things to know about his behavior.  He takes Focalin every morning before school, its not needed on the weekends but to long off it isn’t the best idea.  Though if you want him off the medication, if you ever come to adopting him you can do that.”  She looked towards the other two. “Will you two be helping take care of Nikoshi.”

“Yeah we are, is there anything else we need to know.  If he needs a therapist we already got that covered.  We can send her the information.”  Neil replied with a bored tone but

“Thats good to know, he just saw the doctor last week.  He gained some weight and is now at a more healthier weight then he was before.”  She sighed. “You have to reminded him to eat, he forgets to and he doesn't ask for food.  The foster home he was just at was good with keeping a schedule, he ate, took his meds, ate at school, had a snack at home, soccer practice and then dinner.  He gets distracted and has little habits that cause him focus to much on random things.  The meds take away his hunger also, so it important that he finishes.”  She then closed both folders and stacked them together before sliding them to Kevin.  

Kevin didn’t know how to process that.  This information sounded to familiar.  He always had to remind Riko to eat something.  Riko would go days without eating, or sleeping, or even both.  It got so bad the master had to tube feed him because he past out and didn’t get back up.  Niko always got back up.  He was taken out of his thoughts when the lady, Jennifer stood.  He picked up the folders and got up following Andrew and Neil out the door.  Nikoshi was still sitting in his chair, he was singing his legs slowly and seemed fixated on his hands.

“Nikoshi, these gentlemen here are going to be your new guardians,”  Niko looked up at them.  He got a better look at there faces, now that the glasses were off he could easily recognize who the taller man was with the chess piece on his cheek bone.  He was confused o say the least.  This had to be some sick joke, or a stupid stuPID dream.  He looked at the other too, the screw that littered the red heads tan face and the man with blond hair and black studs.

“Deadass?”  He blurted out suddenly.  Fuck.  He did not mean to blurt that out.  Kevin day looked taken back by his statement and the other too snickered from slightly behind him.  The lady looked horrified.

Riko used to self harm, stop eating for days, wouldn’t sleep for days either.  His uncle had to force him into a tube feeder once because of this.  Kevin and Riko had to see a therapist and she diagnosed Riko. His uncle disregarded it and gave him sum type of pills that made Riko’s anger at himself turn down a bit but he was more depressed. He tried to commit 3 times after. Kevin made him promise not to. He flushed the pills and started to abuse others.

Kevin explains this to Neil and Andrew.  They then try to learn more about BPD.  They watch youtube videos, read articles and books on it till they had a better understanding of the disorder.  They learn about the self-destructive tendencies and suicidal gestures that are quite common with the disorder.  They all try there best to build a good support system. 

Niko has a hard time with his identity and ‘who he is’,  he tries to remember that Kevin wants him and isn't going to abandon him, he tries to keep his shifts in moods to himself but in only makes things worse.  He tends to shut down in his room more often then not.  He finds himself getting angry at little things knowing he shouldn’t but he still does.  Anger attacks aren't as bad as the empty feeling he gets sometimes.

When Niko meets all the foxes he drifts more towards Nicky for whatever reason.  He finds that he like Nickys happy vibes and feels it radiate from him.  He likes to soak in it.

Niko likes talking to Neil, he gets candy from Andrew, and he likes playing Exy with Kevin. He didn’t like school and says it’s hard for him but he still makes honor roll no problem.

During the second month of school when he first started living with Kevin he expriences racism for maybe the first time.  He didn’t have any friends, nor knew anybody.  He could tell he was different from the other kids.  They were mostly white with a splash of color here and there.  The way they talked and walked was different then how he did.  He didn’t grew up with white picket fences like they seemed to.  They dressed different too.  He didn’t like the stares he was getting from the kids in his class.

“Nice hair are you a girl?”  One of the boys said, with his little click at his back.  It was recess and Niko stuck to staying to himself drawling in his note book that Andrew gave him. 

“No.”  The boys continued to laugh.  He hated when people talked about his hair.  He didn't like his hair.  Especially when his foster mothers always tugged and pulled on it.  That wasn't just it though.  It reminded him of his foster father Mr. James.

“Such pretty hair.”

The boys crept closers and Niko started to feel closed in.  One of them pulled out scissors and two grabbed him by the shoulders.  One talked about how there dad said them Black boys need to cut there hair.  Another used a slur Niko heard a lot back in the Bronx, used it himself when with the kids in the neighborhood but he never heard it used like this.  He started to struggle but another one grabbed his face and held him down so his face fell between his knees.  He felt chuncks of hair being cut of from his head as they fell down his back and some at his feet.  

He felt his eyes water and struggled harder.  He kicked the one to his right in the shin, knowing how much it hurt from when he played soccer with out shin guards.  The kids let go of that shoulder and he swung his arm hitting another kid.  They all let go once they heard a teacher yell at them.  Niko reached for the scissors and threw them in the grass.  The boys ran away and Niko was left to look at the small and large chunks of his hair on the concrete.  He didn’t mean to bother anybody.  He didn't ask to have this type of hair.  He didn’t ask to be different.  Sometimes he missed the Bronx but then remembered his foster sister getting shot, and his doped up foster parents he used to end up with.  He didn't want to go back, but he found himself missing it sometimes.

Nobody asked abut his hair during the rest of the school day.  Not even his teacher.  Its fine he didn't want to bother anybody.  When Andrew came to pick him up he was wearing his hoodie.  Today Neil and Andrew were coming over, so was Aaron.  Aaron practically lived with him and Kevin now though.  He said nothing on the way home.  He didn't want to bother them.  He was trying his hardest not to.  

But then he got home he went straight to the bathroom and locked the door.  He didn’t hear Kevin nor Aaron calling him.  He stared in to the mirror and glared at himself.  Disgusting. You look like a girl. He ripped off his hood and he felt something in himself crack.  His hair was clearly uneven.  Some areas you couldn’t tell but he could see how his curls on his forehead were shortened compared to the pieces on the sides.  He could tell where every spot was that had been cut, like there were circles showing him where to look.  A broken sob cut through his throat.  The tears rolled down his cheeks.  He always thought he was an ugly crier.  He grabbed his hair and pulled.  He kept pulling till he felt arms wrap around his torso.  He wanted to fight who ever they were off but he couldn't.  They grabbed his hands but they couldn't pry them from his hair.  He heard someone calling his name and found a face to that voice.  He noticed another person accompanied him in the mirror.  Holding on to him.  It wasn’t his voice he heard though.  He saw the other three at the bathroom entrance but it was Aaron standing closest to him.

“Niko its okay, let go buddy.”  He didn’t know if he meant his hands or his feelings but he let them go.  He saw more pieces of hair fall through his hands but ignored it and them screamed.  Kevin turned him around and held him again.  Kevin lowered himself to his knees to let Niko cry and scream into his neck.  He rubbed his back till he calmed down.  Neil and Andrew left to prepare some ice cream and play music.  Kevin noticed the hair that fell to the floor and so did Aaron.  It didn’t match the amount that should still be connected to his head.

Niko told them what happened at school with less emotion then he displayed before.  They were all furious but chose to keep it inside to comfort Niko.  They called the school and told them what happened.  The school apologized but Kevin still wasn't letting Niko go back to that school.  He transferred Niko to another and reassured him it was okay and it was the same distance anyways.  They took Niko to the babor shop and they evened out his hair.  He got it cut some on the sides as well, allowing the back and top to be longer.  His hair showed more off his forehead and ear piercings now.  He felt more exposed, but was happy with the hair cut.

When he meets Dan she gives him oils and creams to put in his hair.  Even showed him how to wash it too, Matt helps.  He got to meet there kids.

Allison braided his hair down for when he graduated Elementary School.  She teaches how how to do other things like twist, braids, and box braids.

When he goes to college Renee helps him bleach the ends of his hair blond.

He has nightmares often. And likes to have hot chocolate to calm his nerves. He gets irritated easily, they learn. When he gets irritated he stops talking and fidgets, tapping his foot and cracking his knuckles. 

Kevin’s night terrors slowly fade as Riko’s dark shadow fades into Nikos warm glow.

Niko definitely learns how to skateboards when Aaron gives him his old one. Kevin likes to watch them practice it together.  Just like Aaron likes to watch Kevin teach Niko Exy.  He joins a team in Middle School.  He's definitely going to be something.

Hope you guys like this.  Leave ask and suggestions about Nikoshi Doe. I would love to hear about it and write the prompts.  

#nikoshi #nikoshi motherfucking doe #nikoshi doe #kevaaron #kevin day #andrew minyard #neil josten #dan wilds #riko moriyama #matt boyd #renee walker #allison reynolds #all for the game #all for the game fanfic #aftg #aftg fic #aftg fanfic #Kevin's adopted son #nicky hemmick #aaron minyard #twinyards #the foxhole court #Nikoshi Doe #Nikoshi #foxhole court #tfh #tfhc #the only valid moriyama

[itsstickball]

How do you imagine ppl/teams reacting when they eventually figure out the ‘my husband’ comment¿¿(I love your rivalry hc!!)

I think there are three groups of people who notice the comment at all.

Group number one: The conspiracy fans. They’ve been fighting over which of Neil’s teammates he’s been secretly dating for years. The ship wars started in earnest his fifth year of college and never really died down. Is his husband one of his current teammates? Is it one of his former teammates? Is it the supposed boyfriend of one of his teammates? There’s that weird tension he has with Jean Moreau too, they could totally be fucking. Unsurprisingly, a large portion of people ship him with Matt - despite the numerous articles and pictures that cite him as the best man in his and Dan’s wedding several years prior. (Neil really can’t even say he’s surprised by the fans who claim he’s married to both of them). Half of them are ecstatic that their ship could be the right one and the other half are mourning the swift sinking of their hetero-titanics. 

Group two: Gay right warriors.Now this is technically two groups of people. There are those who find the footage and make every type of rainbow-overlaid gif you can imagine. They write posts and articles about bravery, about being gay in sports (it’s mlm, not just gay, a small remnant of them chide), about how they’re inspired to live boldly by Neil. They are internet denizens, news anchors, sponsorship deals, fans.And, unfortunately, just as loud, there are the homophobes. They also talk about homosexuality in sports, about Neil’s troubled past and tenuous relationships with teammates. They exist in the same crevices as the people they spew hate against. They bring up a God twisted into their own image and weaponize their words. As opposite as they are, both factions have the same effect. It’s not Neil they care about, not really. They push, and use him as an example, but really, they’d do the exact same thing if it was Oprah. For them, it’s about the agenda.

Group three: Those in the know.Predictably, the Fox group chat blows up. Neil stops even trying to read after Nicky starts typing out his exclamations one letter at a time. He also receives several texts from his current teammates, a call from his manager that he ignores and seven voicemails from Kevin that lead to him turning his phone off altogether. The ride home is quite pleasant after that. When he turns the device back on the following morning (after letting it vibrate non-stop on the counter for twenty minutes while the rest of his missed messages queued up), he finds mostly a lot of support. Nicky, of course is indignant because he never quite got over the fact that they hadn’t told him they were getting married at all (He’d found out three months after the fact) and here he was, getting blindsided by the announcement again. Neil smiled at the various messages of support from the old Foxes, including a gruff warning from Wymack to stop giving him grey hairs. The smile morphed into an eye-roll at Kevin’s messages - four of which got deleted without him even listening to them (a good thing probably, the sixth one was just Kevin complaining that Neil insulted his dick on live television). He did call his manager back and promise to come in early before their next practice to talk PR. Not all of his current teammates knew he was in a relationship with another man, but of those who didn’t he’s confident he can handle any negative reactions without benching anyone. Mostly, he knows, management just wants to make sure everyone is on the same page. It’s one of the reasons he likes this team.

Ironically enough, big fans of the rivalry don’t think much of it. Unless they fall into one of the above categories, they’re far more interested in the fact that Andrew effectively blew up his twitter for the sole purpose of getting Neil Josten to insult himself on live television. If that isn’t peak rival behavior, then they don’t know what is. He insulted his appearance, his attitude, his obsession with exy. And again, he had to flood his twitter and the mean tweets tag in order to monopolize Neil’s airtime. Before this (and after, tbh), they were lucky if they got one tweet from him a year. The “he’s ugly too” tweet becomes a meme and shows up on many a glitter posterboard in the opposing teams’ sections at Neil’s games. (He likes to take pictures of them and send them to Andrew to be annoying). He doesn’t ever comment on who his husband is, though.

In the end, of course the only reaction that matters is Andrew’s. 

Ten minutes after he turns his smart phone off and two after he walks into the door of his apartment, a dingy, cracked plastic brick of a flip phone tries to rattle its way out of the top drawer of Neil’s nightstand. He doesn’t bother looking at the caller ID before flipping it open. Only one person knows he has the thing, let alone remembers the number for it.

“I didn’t know you’d taken up writing love letters.” Neil says into the receiver, his smile evident in his voice. 

“I didn’t know you were planning on announcing your relationship status to the world.” 

Andrew’s rebuttal is calm; he’s not angry. Neil can tell even over the phone. Still, he sits down hard on the edge of the bed.

“Oh.” He says, scrubbing his eyes with the heel of his hands as his words from earlier come back to him. Even with all of the hubub from the Foxes, the implications of what he’d said hadn’t really sunk in. He tells Andrew as much.

Andrew, thankfully is neither surprised nor tired of dealing with him. He hums non-committally then tells Neil he’s trending on twitter.

“Still think no one likes a smart mouth?”

Neil grins into the silence, imagining the way Andrew’s mouth flattens into a line when he thinks his husband is being particularly bothersome.

“What I think is that I’d still rather hear you choking on a dick.”

“Yeah?”

Neil’s grin grows to the edges of his face and he flops back onto the bed. He had other plans for the morning before meeting Kevin for lunch, but they can wait. Andrew is transferring to his team in three months. But until then, he’s going to soak up every possible opportunity to spend time with him. After all, he is Neil’s husband.

[grxywxrn]

Alive part 1

Neil Abram Josten was dead. He had never lived, but he was still dead and gone and absent and dead.

Dead, dead, dead.

It was a familiar word, playing like a broken record in Andrew’s head. A broken, dead record in a broken, dead mind.

Andrew imagined his mind like a smashed mirror, fragile and blood stained, unable to give a clear image to those who gazed upon it. This was all because Neil Josten had been fine.

Andrew hates many things, the words family and please, bitter tastes, people, but on that night a whole bunch of things were added to the list. The number zero made Andrew violent, thank you was torture to hear and Exy made him homicidal.

He still played it though, so Kevin wouldn’t die either. He didn’t care if Kevin died, he didn’t care if he himself died. Andrew didn’t care at all. The one thing that had made him feel disappeared like a tea light candle flickering out in the wind.

“Andrew?” Came a cheerful voice. Andrew looked up from his phone to see Nicky Hemmick, his all to happy cousin, smiling at him. “What are you doing in Germany? Especially unannounced?”

Andrew didn’t answer, he saw no reason to.

Nicky, after years of experience, let it slide. Six years ago, he may have pressed on, but Nicky eventually took the hint four years ago that Andrew was now a whole new type of broken.

Nicky played it off like Andrew had replied. “Well, it’s crazy to see you again. Erik and I were just grabbing stuff for dinner. His parents are looking after the girls for the day.”

Andrew has never met his nieces, Nicky and him had silently agreed that it would never happen. As soon as one of them started crying, Andrew would have done something that Nicky would regret.

“Hey, you should join us!” Nicky exclaimed. Andrew started walking away, trying to find his favourite ice cream in the frozen section of the supermarket. “Okay, sorry, bad idea, you’re right.” Nicky was still following him.

“How’s Aaron?” Nicky attempted to make conversation. “Is he getting used to the married life?”

In truth, Andrew didn’t know how his twin was, like everyone, Andrew didn’t care enough to care. Andrew grunted and that made Nicky ecstatic.

“And Kevin?” Nicky asked through the frosted glass door that was opened right in front of his face. Andrew got his ice cream and walked away again. “Fine, I’m guessing, with the recent win.”

Andrew skipped checkout 0 even though it was the shortest line up and headed to number 6 which was significantly longer.

“What about you, are you doing okay after Neil’s-“

Andrew whipped around, his fingers crushing the windpipe in Nicky’s throat.

“You have no right to say his name, Nicolas.” Andrew growled out Nicky’s full name because he knew it reminded him of his parents, or mainly his lack of them.

“Andrew, it would be nice of you to put down my husband.” Andrew cast his eyes lazily over the the man speaking German at him. Erik looked like he was playing it cool, but his fist was tight around the handles of his shopping basket.

Andrew basically threw his cousin at Erik, telling him to drag Nicky away with the most venomous glare ever. As Andrew paid, he heard Nicky saying things like, “It’s my fault, I over stepped my boundaries again.”

Andrew carried on with his plan for the day; get his cash changed from American to German because his was running low on cash, buy a new charger for his phone, went to the key smiths and went to get a haircut.

That’s where is all went wrong. A haircut was usually a bad experience, for both the barber and himself, but this was worse.

His hair was bright purple, messy and curly, his eyes were icy blue and his smile was so wide.

Neil Josten, age nineteen and Exy prodigy goes missing after game

After two years, Neil Josten is presumed Dead by authorities

Hunt for Neil Josten closed, body found in building foundation by demolition team in England

But Neil didn’t look dead at all, in fact, he look more alive than he ever had. There were no bags under his eyes and his complexion was tanned. He had a burn scar on one cheek and three lines down the other.

Andrew blinked, but Neil was still there. He held his eyes shut, rubbing them like Neil would disappear again.

Alive, alive, alive. So damn alive.

“Nathaniel!” Someone scolded of him and Neil turned away from the voice, holding in his laughter as his co-worker pulled funny faces.

Neil noticed Andrew, smiling at him. Neil came out from behind the front desk, ripped jeans paired with a red over-sized hoodie.

“Guten Tag!“ Neil greeted him in German. “Wie geht es dir?“

Andrew knew what Neil had asked him, he knew how to answer, but he just stared.

“Herr?” Neil reached for Andrew but let his hand hover. “Wie geht es dir, Herr?”

“Nicht so gut, Neil.” Andrew stood back, world tilting as he moved.

“Maybe you should sit down.” Neil guided Andrew towards a chair, in the mirror Andrew was ghost white, chalky skinned and eyes wide. “Can I get you something to drink...”

it was too late when Andrew realised he was waiting for a name.

“How are you alive?” Andrew asked in English and Neil looked taken aback.

“I don’t know- Sir are you high or drunk or-“ Neil was taking a few steps back.

“Neil, Neil Josten.” Andrew said, he didn’t know why. He hadn’t said that name in six years, Andrew had almost forgot what it sounded like on his own tongue.

“Alright, would you like me to help you find him?” Neil pulled at his hair.

No, he’s dead. You’re dead. Andrew wanted to grab this Neil by the shoulders, shake him until the nightmare subsided and he woke up in an empty and cold bed.

Andrew shook his head.

“Okay. Okay. Just breathe and I’ll be back in a moment.” Neil returned with a biscuit and a mug of coffee. Andrew didn’t touch the coffee because it looked to bitter but he ate the biscuit. “What is you name?”

Andrew choked.

“Andrew Minyard.” Neil smiled like he knew something Andrew didn’t. Maybe he did. “Can I get a trim and highlights.”

Neil let his face fall slack for a moment before nodding.

When Andrew got home, he could almost see the red marks on his skin from where Neil had touched him.

When Andrew went back to the shops the next week, Neil’s hair was black until his eyes and then snow white.

Andrew observed from a coffee booth, spying from over his mug. Neil was good at doing hair, and he liked to catch with his costumers.

Andrews phone hummed in his hand. Renee was the only person who called him.

It was a simple ‘are you treating yourself good?’ Like every question was around this time of year.

‘Come home soon, Andrew. I don’t want you to be alone.” Renee said, stopping mid-sentence with the sound of sizzling bacon in the background.

“Why?”

“You know why.” Renee didn’t beat around the bush with this. “Andrew, Neil’s-“ Andrew flinched “-anniversary makes you dangerous, not only to yourself but to others.”

“Shut up.”

“I want you to be happy.” Renee pleaded.

“Well I can’t be!” Then he hung up the phone.

The booth lowered beneath Andrew as someone took a seat next to him.

“Is everything okay?” Neil sipped his coffee gently like it would be too hot.

“Give me your phone.” Neil gave it over. Andrew tuned on Sir and said into it, “Neil Josten disappearance.”

Hundreds of articles came up at that search, Andrew found one without a photo of Neil.

“You follow Exy?” Andrew asked.

“Ugh,” Neil growled, “I hate that sport! It’s so stupid.” Andrew couldn’t help but scoff. Neil Josten saying Exy was stupid was just to ironic.

“Well, I play for New York with Kevin Day. Used to play for PSU in collage, for the Foxes.”

“I’ve heard of them, a friend follows it like a religion.” He seemed to loath Exy more than Andrew. “He’s obsessed with Day, and that dwarf bodyguard of his.” Andrew gripped the knife beside his coffee on the table. “Oh, wait. That’s you isn’t it?”

Andrew grunted, Neil laughter brightly. Neil snagged his phone back and read the article that Andrew had found.

“Hey, he went missing seven years ago today! Did you used to play with him?”

“In more ways than one, yeah.” Neil snorted, then laughed loudly. Andrew’s chest aches like hot coals replaced his lungs.

Alive, alive, alive.

“I hated him. Oh, I hated him so much.” Andrew hated that just voice shook on the word hate. He knew that word had a different meaning when it was directed at Neil. Andrew’s fist shook, he wanted to punch something. “I never knew why he was killed, Kevin wouldn’t tell me. But sometimes it feels like he’s still alive.”

It was weird. Andrew was talking to someone, and not just anyone about anything. He was talking to Neil about his own death that he couldn’t seem to remember.

Dead, dead, dead.

Alive, alive, alive.

“Well is that why you’re here? Was he buried here?”

“No, parts of his dismembered body were found in building foundations over in England. He wasn’t buried. I don’t actually know what happened to him.” Neil flinched, smile gone.

“If you want to talk-“

“I have already said to much.” Andrew started to leave but a hand gently wrapped around his wrist.

“Come around to the shop around three, it’s when I get off for the day. We can grab a coffee or something.” Neil smiled and let Andrew go. Andrew’s skin was on fire. “Oh, and my names Nathaniel Wesninski.”

Andrew’s hotel was big. He earned a lot of money playing Exy so he spent it all on stupid things. This hotel had a ball pit. It was three stories and the pinball machine room was where he spent most of his time. Alone.

Andrew walked down the hall on the top floor, passing Kevin in the gym. Andrew wasn’t going leave Kevin in America by himself so he dragged him to Germany with him. They hadn’t talked the whole week they had been in the the country and Andrew liked it that way.

He had a beer in one hand and ice cream in the other. When Kevin saw his unhealthy idea of lunch, he rolled his eyes.

“You can’t actually eat that for lunch.” Kevin commented.

“I can and I will, now shut up.” Andrew was about to walk into the games room.

“I invited Nicky over.” Kevin told him. “He told me about what you did. You’re lucky no press saw you.”

“Don’t care.” Andrew really didn’t. “I’m going out later anyways, so it will just be you two.”

“Where are you going?” Kevin got off the treadmill, bringing his shirt up to whipe the sweat off his face. “Not to do anything dumb or illegal?”

“I don’t know. I’ll figure it out in the car.” Andrew replied. He wasn’t going to tell Kevin about Neil being alive. If Kevin knew he’d tell Neil everything and try to get him back into Exy.

“Andrew,” Kevin sighed, “look, I know you don’t care or feel anything about anything, but don’t do anything to ruin your life. Neil wouldn’t want-“

“Neil is dead, Kevin!” Andrew threw his beer bottle at Kevin’s head, missing by a millimetre. But Neil wasn’t dead. “He’s been dead for years and he can’t want anything!”

“Andrew, it’s okay to feel pain.” Kevin told him. He stepped forward, hands raised like he was approaching a deadly animal. “We all lost N-him that day, but you deserve to feel sad or grief because you lost someone you love!”

Andrew slammed the door shut behind him. He threw his bowl of ice cream then smashed the glass on one of the pinball tables. Then it was time to leave.

When he got to the barbershop, Neil was putting foils into a mans hair. He was smiling and saying something about loving the shade of red the man choose to dye his hair.

Andrew pushes past a girl asking if he wanted to make an appointment and walked to the back of the shop where Neil was. His hair was now green at the ends and not white.

“Andrew!” Neil exclaimed when he noticed the tiny blond approaching him. “Have a seat, I’ll get you a drink. Extra sugar.”

Andrew sit next to the man who watched him in awe.

“Can I help you?” Andrew arched an eyebrow.

“Oh, it’s just,” the man beamed up at Andrew, “you’re Andrew Minyard!”

Neil had returned with a grin, placing the sugary milk down in front of Andrew.

“No, I am his twin.” Andrew said. The man just laughed, clearly not aware that there was two Minyards. “Aaron.”

“I knew an Aaron.” Neil began, eyebrows furrowing. “Have no idea where from or how, though. Funny thing is, I’m pretty sure he had a twin brother.” Neil laughed. Andrew wanted to bottle that sound.

“Small world.” Andrew muttered. His phone rang so he fished it out of his back pocket. “What do you want, Day?” He grunted into the phone and the man squealed. Andrew realised that this was the freind Neil had been talking about earlier.

Kevin slurred something into the speaker and Nicky screamed in the background somewhere. They were drunk as frat boys at three o’clock in the afternoon.

“You know, Drew,” Kevin slurred, “the way you spoke to me earlier was...was mean!” Andrew didn’t care. “I was just trying to help. Neil was...was my...friend tooooooo!”

Nicky started crying in the background, saying something like, “sweet Neil!”

“Kevin. You are drunk. Leave me alone and drink water and try not to fall off the balcony.” Then Andrew hung up the phone, heart aching. Why did it feel like Neil was everywhere, every time Andrew turned around he saw him. Some days he wished he had never met Neil at all.

Neil brought him back to reality when he leant over the back of the chair Andrew was sitting in to whisper, “I put some scotch in the coffee.” Then he went back to putting foils in his friends originally blond hair. Andrew drunk the coffee in one breathe and Neil giggled.

“I’m not supposed to give that to costumers but your tecically not buying anything.” Neil shrugged. It didn’t taste to good, it was just sweet milk and scotch but it was greatly appreciated.

In the time Andrew was sat in the shop he had four more of those drinks, learnt that the friend was called Nico and sighed a piece of paper for Nico to get tattooed.

Nico payed, spent ten minutes talking to Neil about Laura’s birthday present with a smirk and the kissed Neil goodbye.

Andrew almost took the scissors off the bench to stab Nico with.

Neil laughed, though, rubbing his cheek with a fake disgusted face.

“Sorry about him,” Neil turned to Andrew. “Nico’s a bit...special is the word I’d use. We are just friends though, he’s got a girl, Laura.” He pronounced Laura as Low-ra when he talked. “Still insists on kissing me goodbye every time though, say just because I’m ace doesn’t mean I don’t deserve some love.”

Neil shook his head, hair floating like a merman’s underwater. He was smiling quietly as they both fell into step beside each other, walking to seemingly no where.

“You’re ace?” Andrew asked after a moment of silently contemplating it. When Neil had first come to the Foxes he had said the same thing, I don’t swing, and all that. Kevin later said he was probably demi and hadn’t had a chance to figure out what he wanted.

“Yeah, is there a problem, Andrew?” Neil didn’t ask out of irritation, but genuine concern.

“No, the guy I used to date was demi.” Andrew made a point about say ‘guy’. Neil nodded. They didn’t look at each other, but they walked until they reached a coffee shop. Tooth Café.

They were about to sit down when Andrew spotted a camera pointed his way. Damn the press.

“Put your head down and walk to the nearest exit.” Andrew murmured. Neil didn’t ask why, he did what he was asked. Andrew put a hand on Neil’s back, fingers gripping the printed button up that Neil wore as he guided him away from the press.

The press chased after them, just behind them now and asking questions. Andrew suddenly pulled Neil around a corner. He grabbed the back of Neil’s neck to face him.

“Black car, number plate 157 RRT, floor two, seconction G. Run.” And Neil was off, running with the speed of the striker Andrew had once known.

The press had caught him, sticking a mic in his face.

“Andrew, Andrew. Who was that man?”

“You don’t need to know.” Andrew walked the opposite way to where Neil had ran.

“A lover?”

“Does Day know you’re here?”

“Who was the man?”

“Andrew, any comment on the rumours regarding your sexuality?”

“Since you played for the Foxes, how do you feel about Neil Josten’s death?”

“Who’s death?” Andrew retorted. The reporter gasped.

“Your old teammate-“ said someone at the same time somebody said “your late lover!”

“How would Neil feel knowing that you are moving on?” A reporter said next to his left ear. Andrew lashed out, punching the man in the throat.

The press launched back, some ran away. On lookers gapped as Andrew walked away.

Andrew found Neil sitting on the hood of his black Mercedes, scrolling through his phone.

They got in before anyone could see them together.

“Someone posted a video.” Neil whispered.

“Kevin’s gonna scold me.” Andrew pulled out of the car park and on to the open road.

“The reporter deserved that though, for what he said.” Neil was testing the waters of this conversation, now that he knew how angry Andrew could get. “He had no right.”

Andrew was silent.

“I watched one of your games, well two actually.” Neil started a new conversation. “Neil’s last game and yours, Andrew.”

Neil’s last game.

Thank you, you were amazing

0

He had ran around that stadium so many times, he didn’t find anything except the bag.

Andrew swiveled the car back onto the road when he started to go into the next lane. Someone cussed at him from a different car.

“Andrew, the way you shut down the goal is incredible. Maybe you could teach me a bit before you left?” With that, Andrew changed direction towards his hotel. When he arrived, he told Neil to stay while he ran upstairs.

Upstairs in one of the living rooms, Kevin was passed out drunk while Nicky was certainly on the way. Andrew grabbed two sets of gear that Kevin had made him bring with them and stuffed it in a bag. He raced down to the car with a pint of ice cream and two spoons.

“Every time I do anything remotely Exy-ish, i eat a whole one of these. Kevin hates it.”

Andrew had to wait for Neil to figure out how to put on the gear, because it wasn’t like Andrew was going to help Neil dress.

Neil looked like Neil in his armour. A green haired Neil.

“Alright, just try and take a shot in on me.” Andrew said. When Neil took the shot, the ball fell a few feet in front of Andrew.

Andrew got the ball in his racket and threw it down the court to where Neil would have been waiting for him seven years ago.

This present day Neil gapped in shock.

“Woah!” He exclaimed. “You are amazing!”

“You’re not allowed to say that.” Andrew glared Neil down.

They tried again and this time Andrew caught it. Then they tried again and Andrew reached for it. The next time Andrew was too distracted by the muscles moving in Neil’s thighs to block his shot.

“OMG!” Neil cheered. “I won!” He struggled to take off his helmet. “I got a goal in on Andrew Minyard because he was checking me out!”

“Was not.” Andrew argued but it was ignored by Neil screaming into a phone.

“Nico!” He started telling him all about what just happened. When Nico didn’t believe him, Neil switched the FaceTime camera to Andrew. “Told you!”

Andrew let them talk and eventually Neil calmed down. Andrew just watched him talk into the camera from goal.

He missed Neil.

He hated Neil.

Andrew launched a ball down caught, it seemed to pass Neil on flames. That ball carried only a small part of his anger. So he threw another and another. Neil ducked away, ending the call.

Andrew threw the whole bag of balls across court, still seething. When he was done, Andrew was shaking. Neil looked up at him from the floor to which he dove to when balls seemed to be aiming themselves at his head.

“Andrew-“

“Shut up!” He slammed his racket into the wall, snapping it in half. “God, just shut up! Stop looking at me and shut up!”

“Andrew- look at me-“ Andrew couldn’t. He couldn’t look at Neil without breaking. He had gone seven years without breaking, it couldn’t be now. “Shout at me. Tell me everything you want to tell him.”

Andrew grabbed him by the hair.

“Why didn’t you tell me anything? You knew they were coming for you, why didn’t you let me protect you?” Andrew screamed at Neil who look just about ready to cry. “You knew they were coming for you and you still played, you still made me feel something about you! You knew it wasn’t nothing so why did you let me fall knowing you were going die?”

“Andrew,” Neil gasped.

“What!”

“I don’t think I am ace after all.”

Pink. Baby pink.

Renee was going to be so happy.

Andrew wasn’t sure how Neil had managed to get Andrew’s hair that shade of pink, but the media loved it. The first time they had seen it was when Andrew was leaving the New York airport with Kevin Day at his side.

@TheJeanKnoxMor

@AJminyard not bad, Jeremy did call you a baby though

@offcialJeremyKnoxM

@AJminyard @TheJeanKnoxMor did not! Please don’t kill me, Andrew!

That was the most liked response. Some fans speculated why he would have dyed his hair such an unAndrew colour.

One fan said something along the lines of mental breakdown and Andrew wasn’t sure that was wrong.

Renee had liked it, she had called him cute. Aaron said it made him look gay, Andrew had kissed Kevin in reply. Thea had laughed at that.

Nicky kept texting him, even after there was no reply.

One morning Andrew woke alone, like every morning or sometimes afternoons.

The first notefication was; @NathanielWes04 is following you

Neil had sent him a dm over Instagram.

Heyyyy, Andrew! I looked up what time it is over in NY and I am sorry if this wakes you up!

Andrew almost smiled. Almost. Andrew called him, too tied to type a text. Neil picked up after the fourth ring.

“Drew,” he mumbled gently. Andrew had woke him, but he didn’t care. Because Neil wasn’t around, Andrew allowed himself to feel something.

“Hello.” Andrew said back. It was all silence.

“Why don’t you ever say my name, Andrew?” Neil slurred sleepy at Andrew.

Because it hurts.

“Your name is stupid.” Neil laughed at that.

“I share it with my dad.” Neil smile was evident in his voice. “Or at least I think I do. I don’t remember.”

“Don’t remember?” Andrew prodded.

“I was found in a dich somewhere between Cornwall and London, I think that where it was. Anyways, around five years ago a jogger found me minutes from death. I don’t remember anything from my birth to a week after I was found.”

Minutes from death? They had tried to kill him, but stupid Neil Josten survived. Of course he did.

“What colour is your hair?” Andrew asked when his chest felt too tight.

“Ash.”

They were silently listening to each other breathe and Andrew was reminded how alive Neil was.

Andrew imagined Neil lying in his bed in Berlin, on the left side of the mattress like he always used to. He saw his messy ash hair splaid out on the pillow and eyes hooded with sleep.

“Come to America.” Andrew shocked himself when he said. “New York, I’ll pay airfares.” Neil didn’t say anything, softly breathing instead. Actually, he was asleep again. “I hate you, Neil Josten.”

“I know.” He mumbled in his sleep. Andrew hung up and threw his phone at the wall. It shatter but Andrew didn’t care.

This meant some part of Neil knew who he was, right?

Andrew thought about kissing Neil again, it made his muscles ache so he blocked out the thought and got ready for breakfast with Renee.

“Andrew, that is amazing! Oh, my goodness, when does he come back to the US?” Renee was taking the news perfectly, at least in her mind.

“Never.” Andrew Said when he finished his bite of pancake. “Neil doesn’t know who he is and I intend on keeping it that way.”

“Why?”

“Because, it’s not Neil.” Andrew complained. “He’s a hairdresser with a new colour every week, let’s his friends kiss him goodbye and wears cropped shirts and short-shorts to the gym.”

Renee laughed softly like she always does.

Andrew wasn’t complaining about the later. Following Neil on Instagram was torture when he was trying to forget his lust. Andrew let his mind see a photo of Neil squatting with one leg stuck out, then pushed it away when Renee’s mouth started moving again.

“Andrew, this could be your chance for a happy life, take what you deserve.” Renee sipped her tea. Her hair was in need of a touch up at the roots. “Besides, he’s going the find out eventually.”

“Whatever.” Andrew finished his pancakes and coffee in silence. Renne didnt say anything for the rest of breakfast and Andrew almost thanked her.

Kevin was texting him, asking where he was because he was late for practice. They had come back to America a few weeks ago and Kevin basically slept at the court. In the month they had been in Berlin they hadn’t practiced together and that made Kevin even more enthusiastic.

Renee said goodbye to him out the front of the coffee shop and they went their separate ways.

Andrew headed to the court, hating every second of it. When he got there, Jean and Jeremy with talking with Kevin in the middle of the court.

“You didn’t say the newlyweds were going to be here.” Andrew said over the loud speaker. Kevin jumped a bit, but found Andrew scowling at him from the commentators box. “And Kevin, Jeremy is married now so back off.”

Andrew caught Jeremy snicker but Jean didn’t look to pleased. Kevin flipped Andrew off with an embarrassed look towards the couple.

Andrew loved to make fun of Kevin celebrity crush on Jeremy.

Andrew came down to the court, the only one not dressed in armour and he intended to keep it that way.

“We are going to be training with Jean and Jeremy.” Kevin told Andrew. “They were in town for the weekend so-“

“You thought, ‘let’s practice instead of hanging out like normal people!’” Andrew quirked a brow up at Kevin. He didn’t reply so Andrew started to leave.

“Andrew, wait.” Jeremy called after him. “We need someone to guard the goal.”

“Cool, call Sean.” Andrew replied. Sean was the other goalie on the team. He wasn’t as good as Andrew and couldn’t shut down the goal as good as Andrew, but he was alright.

“Andrew, it would be greatly appreciate if you would help us.” Jean asked. “I mean what else were you going to do?”

“Get drunk.” Andrew replied.

“It’s nine in the morning!” Kevin exclaimed.

“You’re right.” Andrew said. “I’ll hit someone up to drink with, never drink alone.”

Part two

[exyjunkies]

48- andriel (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ thank u

fuck yes more of nathaniel and andrew 

(let’s Make this A Thing, shall we?)

fic meme 1-100: andriel (andrew + nathaniel) + 48. “Boo.”

send me a pairing (preferably from aftg/trc, but you can send me anything) and a number and i’ll write you a drabble (1-50) (51-100)

Ouch. The freshbruise incurred from today’s practice was vying for Andrew’s attention as hetried to sit up. He realized, as he attempted at a better posture, that he hasnever wanted lying down to be a more permanent position for him than he does inthis moment.

Carefully, Andrew lifted his t-shirt and grimaced at thecolor the bruise was already forming. Large and violent, it covered almost theentire left half of his abdomen. It was as big as half his forearm.The reliefwas that there were no broken ribs, but that also meant Andrew can’t skippractice the next day. So much for being a goalkeeper. He was still at thecenter of the action, no matter what he did. Fucking Exy racquets.

“Knock knock,” a voice came from the doorway. Nathaniel,stupid number 3 on his cheek, peered at him from behind the door. An ice packand a half-full energy drink were clutched in his hand.

“You know how Ravens are,” Andrew muttered, heaving himselfback down and winced at the effort it took. “Always full of themselves. Likeyou are.”

“I won’t deny that.” Nathaniel invited himself into theirroom and shut the door gently. Tossing the ice pack onto the side of the bed,he replied, “Maybe if you hadn’t threatened to cut Riko’s balls off, you wouldn’tbe in this shitty state.”

Andrew rolled his eyes so hard, he felt them reach the backof his head. Somehow, he could hear Nathaniel’s disappointment in him, and hecouldn’t even bring himself to care. He put an arm behind his head and kept oneeye open to look at Nathaniel, who was changing out of his running clothes. Hehad opted to spend their afternoon break to run with number-4-on-cheek Jean Moreau. Typical.

“You know half thedamn team wants to cut Lord Almighty’s balls off,” Andrew shot back. “It’sonly a matter of being honest.”

He shut both his eyes again, a half-hearted attempt atanother nap. Having been a Raven for so long, Andrew constantly wonders if itgets easier, or if he just gets used to it. Godforbid it’s the second. He hopes to never completely be one of them, nomatter how hard they try.

“Well,” Nathaniel replied, sitting down on his own bed. “Isincerely hope you don’t get yourself killed in the coming weeks. We need adecent goalie to keep us up the rankings.”

They were going up against the teams in the north thismonth, with North Carolina’s Etherton Eagles first. The pressure has been upever since they received word from the south that Palmetto State has beenmoving above and beyond the public’s expectations. They were far from facingany south team, but still. It’s something Riko likes to assert daily in orderto push the team past their limits.

It’s not as if they were worried – Ravens are never worried, Tetsuji has grilled into their minds morethan once. Once any of you asshats worry,it’s over for all of us.

“You can shut your mouth about that damn game for once,Wesninski,” Andrew grunted. “We’re in the room. No crowds. No team. No racquetsand no scoreboard. Act normal for fuck’s sake.”

Even breathing seemed to be hard, so Andrew opted to limithis. He mentally reminded himself, briefly, that his teammates have gone througha lot worse than a racquet to the stomach. Roxanne, one of the striker subs, hadsuffered a paddle to the ass after saying that Kevin deserved the number 1 onthe cheek and not Riko. Timmy, a backliner, had gone to practice with severehunger after accidentally tripping Riko in the locker room and laughing at himafterwards. Gingerly, he placed the ice pack underneath his shirt and sighed atthe cool relief.

Their room was dark to begin with, but Nathaniel had put in arequest for special neon lights that everyone else thought was only red. At thepress of a button, it became either green, yellow, or light blue.

“Would you have said yes?” Nathaniel asked, as neon lightblue flooded the sides of the room.

“Yes to what.” Andrew didn’t admit it, but he liked the neonblue setting a lot more than the others. Red was too much of a Raven color toenjoy, and green and yellow were too obnoxious when they were neon.

“If it had been you that was asked to go to Palmetto Stateinstead of Kevin. Would you have gone?”

A few months back, Kevin had been asked by Tetsuji to goundercover and join the Palmetto State Foxes, as a means of scoping out Andrew’ssupposed twin, Aaron. The branch family had all collectively agreed that itwould be good for their image to have both Minyard twins on the team. Some sortof reunion would be good for press, and both Minyard twins being good at thesame sport would be a beneficial bonus. There were practically dollar signs inTetsuji’s eyes when he talked to Kevin about it.

Andrew had not visibly reacted when he first heard the news,but he had been aware of Aaron’s existence for some time now anyway. He wouldn’tbe who he was without any sort of connection from the outside. Naturally, Riko hadsent Kevin instead of Andrew because (he made this as obvious as possible) hewas going to use Andrew as some sort of bait if Aaron ever said no.

Andrew stared up at the ceiling. Engraved on the walls besidethe room’s main lights were sets of triple X’s. The Edgar Allan motto: Excellence exceeds expectations.

“Yes would imply I cared about my long-lost twin in theslightest,” Andrew replied, drawing a knee up on the bed. “I think he’d be finewithout me.”

Nathaniel hummed in response. “Maybe if you started actinglike you gave a shit about anything, you’d be living a better life.”

“And playing for such an esteemed Exy team means a good lifeto begin with?” Andrew drawled. Nathaniel chuckled at that. “You know you hateit here too.”

“Boo. Liking thisplace would mean hating myself.”

The wall clock chimed half past 6 in the evening. Dinner wasto be served in thirty minutes, which Andrew barely felt like he had theappetite for. He was neither hungry nor looking forward to having to pretend likehe liked any of his teammates. He was even less excited about Riko’s taunts tohim from across the table. If he was being honest to himself, he should’vepunched him in the nose a really long time ago.

“Your twin.”

Andrew twisted his head to meet Nathaniel’s eyes, blue andfull of curiosity. He raised an eyebrow in response.

“He’s probably a more bearable person than you are, yeah?”Nathaniel’s smirk was teasing, all-knowing.

Andrew went back to looking at the ceiling. If he knewanything about his twin, it was that they were identical, and that was it. Hehad kept himself from looking up anything about his brother, for the solereason that if he brought himself to care, he really wouldn’t know what to do.Being on a completely different part of the world, Andrew had wondered fromtime to time what it was like on his end. If he was being treated like dirttoo. Or if he actually had people who had his back.

It wasn’t jealousy that Andrew felt, no. It was merely wishingthere was nothing worse than what he was experiencing here in Evermore.

“Knowing my genetic composition, he’d probably hate you morethan I do,” Andrew replied, crossing his leg over his other leg.

“Oh,” Nathanielsat up and hugged his knees. Andrew hated that he could hear the playfulness inhis tone. “Thanks for admitting you like me a little bit, partner.”

“You’re going to sport a bruise like mine if you don’t shutup, number 3.”

“I’d bone you too, if it wasn’t going to create more of ahell for us in this shithole.”

“You’re a terrible flirt,” Andrew slanted a look atNathaniel, who wrinkled his nose meaningfully at him.

Nathaniel shrugged. “With an ass you’d wanna fuck, yeah.”

Being homosexual wasn’t taboo among the Edgar Allan Ravens –in fact, Tetsuji jokingly said he preferred it more if it meant birth controlfor the women Ravens. Getting pregnant for any of the women meant eitherabortion or benched for the next three seasons. It was just frowned upon tosleep with teammates, more so the teammate you’re partnered with. On occasion,two Ravens would be caught making out, and it would be reported immediately toeither Riko or Tetsuji, causing them to either be kicked out or to suffer Riko’swill.

Somehow, they both knew that they were partnered by Rikobecause Riko enjoyed their combined suffering more than the others. Plus, Rikojust has it out for Andrew, for reasons he couldn’t fathom.

Andrew sighed and shook his head. Nathaniel got up from hisbed and reached up to adjust the air conditioning. He had to tiptoe, making hisshirt ride up a bit. Andrew saw part of his back and part of his underwear.Obviously, the idiot was doing it on purpose.

“Like what you see, Minyard?” Nathaniel said, grinning as helooked Andrew in the eye.

He absolutely hatedbeing a Raven.

#andriel #andrew minyard #nathaniel wesninski #all for the game #aftg fic #myfic #answered #anonymous #ficmeme100

[bookaholic1012]

The King’s Men Review

Synopsis: Neil Josten is out of time. He knew when he came to PSU he wouldn't survive the year, but with his death right around the corner he's got more reasons than ever to live. Befriending the Foxes was inadvisable. Kissing one is unthinkable. Neil should know better than to get involved with anyone this close to the end, but Andrew's never been the easiest person to walk away from. If they both say it doesn't mean anything, maybe Neil won't regret losing it, but the one person Neil can't lie to is himself. He's got promises to keep and a team to get to championships if he can just outrun Riko a little longer, but Riko's not the only monster in Neil's life. The truth might get them all killed—or be Neil's one shot at getting out of this alive.

Rating: 1.5/5 stars

Trigger Warning: Violence, torture (burning and cutting), mention of rape

MAJOR SPOILERS

I had a difficult time rating The King's Men, and I'm still not sure if I agree with 1.5 stars. I expected a lot and got nothing. Why was I surprised? I am going to list the things I did/did not like and explain them since that’s the only way I can think of to convey what I thought.

What I didn’t like:

The excessive detail/repetition

I’ve noticed this in all three books but never mentioned it. Nora Sakavic explains everything and repeats the same thing. I am neither interested nor am I  in need of every single detail of Neil’s life. I don’t need to know how the court looks; I don’t need to know that the other orange/white Exy team wore a uniform with their colors inverse from the Foxes and how orange and white everything is. You do not need to repeat over and over how Neil is bad at socializing/being a friend because he is used to a life on the run and never had any. It gets tedious.

    2. Neil and Andrew’s fast-paced overall relationship

It bothers me that it hasn’t even been a year since Andrew was raped and he is jerking if Neil. Honestly, their entire relationship I’m questioning. Andrew does not show emotion. But this whole ‘I hate you’ ‘omg you must love me’ thing is strange. Not a fan. To add, their relationship came out of nowhere. I mean, Andrew kisses Neil to stop his panic attack (really? You couldn’t have tried to calm him down?) and now they kiss whenever? Questionable.

    3. This book should be titled, Neil and Andrew

Oh, my god, Neil and Andrew are a thing, I get it! Maybe it’s because Neil is very antisocial and is not that close with the Foxes, but did everyone fall off the face of the earth? There were interactions between Neil and the upperclassmen and Andrew’s group, but they either were brief, boring or not written out. My number one hope for this book was diving deeper into everyone’s past. I was hoping this would somehow happen, and it didn’t.

    4. The absurd amount of time it took to heal

How was Neil able to get back to playing Exy so soon after being tortured? Does he have super-human healing powers?

   5. Neil, you have become an annoying busybody (to put it politely)

Neil has indeed transformed into Kevin’s mini-me. It reached the point to where I just wanted someone else to narrate. And speaking of Kevin, stop pressuring him! Kevin is still traumatized by his time with the Ravens and being in the Moriyama's “care.” Quit telling him to get over it and move on! Also, practically forcing Kevin to tell Wymack he is his son just so the story about Neil’s real name and family wouldn’t gain as much coverage is incredibly selfish and messed up. Another time Neil was pushy was during the whole Aaron-Andrew relationship fixing ordeal. I did want the twins to reconcile as much as possible, but I think Neil overstepped his boundaries. He pushed them to go to a joint counseling session and used Katelyn to get to Aaron. The way Neil reacted to Aaron voicing his concern over his and Andrew’s relationship pissed me off. Neil, do you even know what it is that you have Andrew? Of course, he and Nicky are concerned!

    6. Would the Foxes really win all (most?) of their games? Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Foxes have been doing better since Seth died because they work together more. But it feels unrealistic for the worst team in Class I Exy to beat the top 3 teams despite players like Kevin and Andrew. I think they won all their games, right? They should have lost at least one of their games.

   7. Neil being saved

What happened to Neil was quite sickening. The burning of his cheeks and arms was horrible to read. Even though what Neil went through was awful, the way he was saved is too convenient. Uncle Stuart - who Neil has not seen in 8 years and was staying far away from - just happens to come with other people in his gang at the exact moment Neil was going to be killed. How did he know about the secret tunnel? Did Neil’s mom tell him about the layout of the home? This scene was unbelievable because of the miracles. Throughout the trilogy, many things that happened were ‘by some miracle’ or ‘luckily’ happened.

   8. The epilogue

I was alarmed by the way the book ended. Riko is a monster (what Jean looked like when Riko was done with him left me feeling sick) and he is an unredeemable character but his death was so abrupt and left me uncomfortable.

  9. Some things were left unresolved or just plain confusing

Did Aaron and Nicky ever find out what the deal was between Neil and Andrew? I don’t think it was ever said and that ticks me off. And apparently, Andrew isn’t a psychopath? But he just let everyone believe he was? I also don’t understand what his meds were for because I guess they weren’t antipsychotics. I was - and still am - confuse over the deal with that.

  10.  Andrew, what the hell??

Yes, Allison slapped Aaron and you promised to protect him. Yes, Matt punched Kevin or whatever. But that doesn’t give you an excuse to physically retaliate. What happened to Matt was fairly minor, thank goodness. But Andrew was choking Allison! And what he did to Katelyn in the library? It’s insane! Obviously, he went through unspeakable horrors, but that does not give him an excuse to harm Matt, Allison, and Katelyn!

I am going to stop listing off what I didn’t like because I could go on and on and on. There was so much!

What I liked:

The importance of consent was stressed a lot and I love that. Consent is a crucial part of any relationship.

Erik and Nicky!!!!!

When Matt’s dad offers to perform plastic surgery on Neil’s face and Matt says, “Dad, the fuck?”

The conversation between Roland and Andrew’s group when they found out he and Andrew slept together. Nicky and Aaron, I found funny.

When Nicky was arguing with Kevin about buying all the junk food at the airport

The two times Aaron walked away from Nicky, Kevin, Neil, and Andrew saying he didn’t know them

There really isn’t much I liked. Those 6 things are pretty much it and everything except the first are minor things. The only book I liked in this trilogy was The Foxhole Court, but now I’m doubting whether I actually liked it. I’ll eventually reread it and see if it is as good as I initially thought or if I actually don’t like it.

My next review will be on: History is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera

#the king's men #Nora sakavic #all for the game #Layla reviews

[jojen-hewitt]

Here's my @aftgexchange summer gift for @boydsten , who asked for Andreil with kids!

I hope you like it!

I've included some personal headcanons about this particular Minyard-Josten child under the cut, but I will also recommend these two amazing kidfics; A Legacy of Two by ninaalegre and Noah Minyard-Josten by Aleekae, if you haven't read them yet. Admittedly a few of my headcanons are borrowed or inspired by them so.. Yeah.

Happy Summer! :D

I have a lot of headcanons about Andreil and this kid, and sweet heavens this became really long and rambley, but I think I got the important stuff covered, so enjoy at your leisure. 

His name is was Kyle Wicker (now Minyard-Josten) and he was brought to them when he was seven after he was abandoned by his adoptive parents at Renee's church.

She lives a couple cities over and when she realizes her two former teammates actually live closer to Kyle's old school, she gets it cleared with all authorities to have him reside there until other arrangements can be made.

Andrew tells her not to get any clever ideas, it's just temporary (he gets one look at how scared, scarred, and young he is, Andrew and Neil's inner Wymacks kick in, and rather suddenly he turns back on his statement to Renee)

Kyle is freaked out by people bigger than him, (when he first meets Kevin he actually cries, but Matt went smoother just because Matt is ... Matt) so the rather short heights work in their favour; although it takes a while for him to open up or trust them.

He first does with Andrew after he has a nightmare a few days in and Andrew just makes him a hot chocolate and they don't really talk in detail about anything, but they kind of reach an understanding that Andrew gets him and he's safe here. He knows not to touch Andrew and Andrew returns that in kind until they just naturally accept casual contact from each other. He understands Andrews blank nature and doesn't take the apathy personally as he gets older.

With Neil, the bonding is a bit easier (despite Neil's discomfort with kids for the most part) since they automatically connect through the Exy thing ("Good Christ, not another one.") and their similar burn scars (not going into detail, but his old foster parents' extremely sick sense of humour and his last name Wicker lead to some pretty permanent reminders of those years with them). The two share stories and Neil feels like he's playing the Truth game all over again, but it fits nicely.

Once Kyle learns partially how Neil got his scars/his past, the kid just embraces Neil as his own personal Batman or James Bond, fighting the evil mob bosses and surviving to roast someone on tv the next day. Neil is a little proud of this (at least he doesn’t scare the kid).

Neil and Andrew have a rocky start taking him in and adjusting; something that would have been much worse if they didn't already have some experience babysitting the other Fox kids. They both are relatively new to the whole idea of "happy" or "safe" or "family" so providing that to another, smaller, more easily affected human being with his own personal baggage (that may or may not bring back up their personal baggage) is, to put it simply, tough. It's not the easiest ride for any of them, but they find a way to adjust and live together in relative peace and comfort.

Also Kyle loves the cats. Like LOVES them! He accepted himself as one of them the minute they first came into his new/then guest room to cuddle. When he's older he tells people that the cats raised him (to which Andrew says than the cats can buy him his new fucking racquet next time, but he only half means it).

He calls Neil Dad (and Neil at first and for a long time kinda freaks out inside and with Andrew about it, but he's fine now... seriously fine too, not Neil fine) and he calls Andrew Vati (because papa and the like just sounded off directed at Andrew, but so did just calling him Andrew, so when he learnt from Nicky that Vati or Vater is dad in German, they all collective decided that worked)

When they adopt him, and he opens up a bit more, they find he grows up to be like a scary combination of Neil's snark (Exy gods help the press that harass this boy; they already call him Josten 2.0), Andrew's immovable patience and blunt honesty, and Matt's carefree smiles and kindness - towards people he likes at least ("How did he come out so nice?" "I don't know, Aaron. Almost like he grew up in a decent place and has the genetic material of other people, huh?")

Speaking of, Aaron and Matt are tied for favourite uncle (Aaron sneaking by because he's most like Andrew, personality wise, and also he gets him cool books for Christmases and birthdays)

He likes Nicky too, since Nicky helped him learn some important facts and phrases about Germany for a school project and Kyle agrees to rat to him whenever he catches Vati smile, so fast friends 

(even though there was that brief stunt where Andrew and Aaron -with Neil's help, the traitor- had straight face convinced Kyle Nicky preferred to only be referred to as Uncle Pavo... which is rude, and Nicky rightfully would've bitched at his cousins if Kyle didn't look so happy and confidant saying it when they meet).

Obviously he loves the girls (and he would be pressed to argue who his favourite Aunt is, but it would probably be Renee because she gave him this life to begin with technically. Plus she died his hair orange and white when he was 16 for his school championships -and to help grease the wheels for Aunt Dan, but more on that later-)

(Also, as pictured above, Andrew knew and was chill with it till he saw the colour... Damn orange will haunt him for life. Neil didn't know, but loved the colours. They're a balanced family, you see.)

Grandpa Wymack and Grandma Abby take a while to earn those titles just because he's still rather nervous around older, taller, and in Wymack's case, tougher looking people when they meet the first few times (and they don't Skype like the rest of the Fox family, so it takes a while for him to accumulate to them), but they eventually become the go to confidants about anything he doesn't want to bother Andrew and Neil with (from secret gifts for the dads to "I'm scared I'm making the wrong choice in courses" to "oh my god I don't know how to ask this person out and Vati said just threaten to shove them off a roof, help!")

and they have the couch to crash on when he's in South Carolina

Jean and Jeremy are the cool family friends who send nice cards and sometimes French hot chocolate and strangely, but rather full heartedly, encourage the "cats raised you" mentality (Jeremy because he thinks it's adorable and Jean because he laughs at how indignant Neil gets when he hears it).

He's cool with Kevin (despite the crying and the vague starstruck attitude he first had with him), but - and maybe this is the Andrew influence talking - he sometimes finds the constant Exy talk to get too overwhelming. He's known to just call it Stickball around Kevin's family with all seriousness just to annoy them (Andrew sneaks him extra dessert when he does) He gets along with Kevin's offspring too, even if he has also adapted his dads' tolerance for being bossed around the Exy court (or backyard court) by a Day; see: none.

Speaking of Exy, Kyle loves it (in the 7 year old way of he loves the sport, likes his favourite team, but has no clue who any player is but Kevin and Kayleigh Day, so was shocked and kinda in love with the fact that Neil used to play for said favourite team), but he never played himself until he moved in with Andreil.

He started his first couple years of little league as a striker - he's great at it and this makes Neil smile more than he thought it would (damn Kevin for being right, it is kinda great watching a future champion grow up) - but switches to goalkeeper when he's 10/11.

(which Neil complains about only a couple of times ("But he was so good, Andrew." "Yeah, so? You were a backliner in little league. The kid changed his mind, accept it." "You're right you're right... Just he's so fast." "Ugh!") but he accepts that it's still Exy and at least Kyle and Andrew can bond more.)

Plus even if it wasn't Exy, they would've been cool with it.

Plus plus, he's an even better goalkeeper than striker, as a mix of Minyard tactics with Josten Exy enthusiasm. 

Foxes are Kyle's favourite animal aside from cats (even before he meet the team, but it definitely amplified once he did).

He stole his dads old fox merch (mainly Neil's) when they officially adopted him, even when it was too big for him.

He painted his room orange and white. He had a bunch of stuffed foxes (all unofficially named after former team members).

He watched almost every Fox game of his dads' years, especially the ones against the Trojans and the Ravens.

He almost chose to have Fox as a middle name when they gave him the option during the adoption (he went with Robin though; 1) Aunt Robin is awesome 2) He's kinda a not so secret Batman nerd and when asked what he wanted to be when he grew up the answer was "An Exy player or Nightwing" and 3) because like hell Andrew was allowing the obsession to go that far).

He wants to the join the Foxes when he's in college.

But, like the rest of the Foxes, and despite Neil's fears (and Andrew's hesitance in his capabilities as a caretaker), he's turned out to not qualify for a spot on the team.

So of course he tried other tactics like the hair and he once tried to plead to Aunt Dan that in fact the first five years of life that he can remember should be enough reason to allow him to join ("Sorry kiddo, no dice. You're too Kit now to be a Fox.")

Sorta side note, the children of the old Foxes are all called Kits and Allison sends them all handmade "Palmetto State Kits" jerseys with their parents numbers (Kyle got 13 because 10 and 3; a number he carries through all his Exy teams) When he's young, he wears his to school whenever he can and only stops when it needs a wash or he grows out of it.

He's very close with Matt and Dan's family. Their middle child is his age and they talk all the time. When their teams face each other in Exy matches, they always run and talk to each other in the middle of the court between goals and halves. Basically Boyd/Josten Brotp 2.0

Matt usually sits with Neil in the crowd during these games (when they can) and cries every time the game brings them close ("Oh my God!! Neil, did you see your baby block my baby's shot?!” “Yeah Matt! I saw! Beautiful.” “That was beautiful! Holy shit! It happened again! Are you seeing this?! They highfived!!" “KYLE! Hug the competition after the game not when they make a goal!” “That was a great goal though!” “Agreed, but still!”)

they still hug it out whenever one of them does a cool thing. Their teams hate when they play each other because of it.  Not like they don’t try to slaughter each other game wise, but again, they celebrate each other’s badass moments without pause. And when one wins, you would think the other was on their team too with the exuberance they congratulate the other.

He grows up to be about Kevin's height, much to the shock to some who were expecting another tiny Minyard-Josten.

He also inherits Andrew's sweet tooth to the point where Neil's kinda convinced he's never going to win the "should we get ice cream on the way home from practice" debate ever again.

I'll stop there. Again, there is a lot more, but I definitely have already rambled enough. Sorry.

#foxhole court #aftgexchange #boydsten #thetfcnet #neil josten #andrew minyard #andreil #kid AU #King and Sir #renee walker #gift exchange #my art #my writing #my oc #hope you like it! #again sorry the hcs are really long #the cats and Andrew stuble are my favourite parts to be honest #Andrew is a good dad but Exy and orange makes him a tired dad #i'll shut up now

[badacts]

@broship-addict and i were nattering about parents!andreil with kid!kevin here and then she brought up this scenario and i had to write it:

The phone wakes Neil, and the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes is the 2:18 glowing on the alarm clock.

“Minyard,” Andrew answers. His voice is rough with sleep but he sounds awake enough. He listens for a few beats and then says, “Where are you?”

He pushes up out of the bed, and the movement on the mattress jolts both the cats and Neil into proper wakefulness. Neil rolls over and gets blinded by the lamp, shoving his head into the mattress with a curse. He can hear Andrew opening a drawer and then the sounds of him dressing.

“Fifteen minutes,” Andrew says, and then to Neil, “That was Kevin.”

That gets Neil’s head up pretty quick. “What?”

“He’s on Castle Street at someone’s party. Too drunk to drive,” Andrew says, throwing on his jacket and stuffing his feet into his shoes.

“What?”

“Keep up,” Andrew replies. “Kevin, illegal drinking, needs to be picked up.”

“Wasn’t he meant to be studying with Jean and Jeremy?” Neil asks. He’s already sliding down back onto the bed to lie flat, because it looks like Andrew has this covered. He’ll be pissed off later, when it’s actually morning.

“Bad influences,” Andrew replies, mostly to himself. It’s fair, because Kevin is probably the most well behaved kid on the planet. “I’m going.”

“Mm,” Neil replies into the pillow. “If you drive fast enough you might get there before he starts to panic about calling.”

The cops beat Andrew there.

All the lights are on inside the house, and the yard is lit up with flashing red and blue. Kids are filing out of the gate when Andrew parks someone in and climbs out of the Maserati, pushing his way up towards the house.

He has his cell phone in his hand to call Kevin – he’ll track the GPS somehow if he has to – but he ends up not needing to. There’s a familiar spiky head towering over the rest off to the far side of the crowd, with a much more familiar dark head beside him. 

“Hey, Minyard,” Boyd says peaceably. His street uniform looks more natural on him than what he’s always stuffed into when Andrew sees him in court. “I think this one is yours.”

“Dad!” Kevin says, wide-eyed. He’s a little pale, like Neil’s predictions about his anxiety are true. He’s also listing badly sideways. “I can’t find Jean, have you seen him?”

“I’ve been here two minutes,” Andrew replies, unimpressed. “If he has any sense, he would have made a run for it by now.”

“Noooo,” Kevin says. “They wouldn’t leave without me.”

His misgivings about Kevin’s partners in crime aside, Andrew has to concede the point. Jeremy is their ringleader and the sole reason two introverts like Jean and Kevin would come to a house party, but he’s the kind of teenage boy who would never leave a friend behind.

“Kevin, hey, I found him-” Speak of the devil. Jeremy stops when he sees Andrew and squeaks, “Mister Minyard!”

“Jeremy,” Andrew replies flatly. The kid has a much drunker Jean hanging off his shoulder like a wilting beanpole. 

Andrew turns to Boyd and gives him a speaking look. Boyd smiles and waves him off. “Take ‘em away.”

Andrew looks back at the three boys. “You have a minute to get in the car or I’m leaving you here.”

Drunkenness aside, they’re in the Maserati pretty quickly. Jeremy practically carries Jean. Kevin tries to help, but it doesn’t look like he’s doing anything other than hindering.

All three of them crush together in the back. Andrew looks at the trio of pale faces squashed up in his rear view mirror and internally sighs.

“Where am I dropping you two off?” he asks quietly.

“Jeremy’s!” Kevin and Jean both say at the same time as Jeremy says, “My place!”

Andrew has his suspicions about Jean’s living situation, but he won’t push. He just starts the car and drives towards Jeremy’s house, a sweet-looking suburban place complete with a white picket fence. It’s a silent trip.

When he pulls up, Jeremy pours Jean out onto the sidewalk and then follows. He puts his head back into the car with a wincing expression. “Thanks, Mister Minyard.”

“Say hello to your mother from me,” Andrew replies. The light in the front window of the Knox house has just flicked on.

He and Neil decided that grounding Kevin wasn’t the kind of ‘parenting’ they were interested in doing, but Jeremy’s parents don’t think the same.

The wince gets worse. “Sure thing.”

Jeremy closes the door, leaving Kevin alone in the backseat as Andrew does a U-turn and starts back towards the apartment building. Whenever he casts a glance at Kevin in the mirror, he’s flopped back in his seat, eyes closed.

“Don’t puke in the car,” Andrew warns him.

“Are you angry with me?” Kevin asks in a very small voice.

Andrew considers this. On one hand, he would prefer to be in his bed asleep at this point rather than driving across the city. On the other, it’s a Saturday, and he prefers the idea of Kevin calling them over him dying in a crash trying to make his own way home.

“No,” he says, but then adds, honestly, “Neil might be, though.”

Of course, once Andrew is gone and the apartment is quiet again, Neil can’t sleep.

He sighs and gets out of bed, going out to the kitchen. He passes by Kevin’s bedroom on the way, which is as neat as usual with its bookshelf of the history texts he loves and the collection of Exy trophies on the windowsill. 

Stopping to lean in the doorway, Neil gives himself a moment to think of the days when Kevin was five and wouldn’t go anywhere without Andrew, or eight and surgically attached to his new, tiny Exy racquet, or ten and spouting facts about Ancient Egypt at every opportunity. Kids are difficult, but they’re a fuck of a lot more straightforward than teenagers.

It would be pretty judgemental of him to be upset over Kevin, a top athlete and honours student, going to a party without telling them. Illegal drinking doesn’t even make the top one hundred things Neil did as a teenager, either illegal or just plain stupid. 

On the other hand, blood aside, Kevin’s their kid. Neil is angry because he’s a little bit scared by this sudden diversion into rebellion. He’d just started to think that Kevin didn’t have it in him to do things like go to parties and lie about where he was at night.

He wishes he and Andrew could ground Kevin. He would just ground him until he was eighteen. Problem solved.

Maybe.

Neil goes down to the kitchen and makes himself a cup of tea, sitting at the table to drink it. He’s only halfway through when the front door opens, admitting one light pair of feet and one much heavier pair.

Andrew comes in first, flicking Neil a calm look before heading past towards the bedroom. Kevin follows and, somewhat reluctantly, steps into the kitchen to waver in the doorway.

“You should drink some water,” Neil recommends.

If anything, Kevin looks more frightened than he already had. “Why?”

Despite himself, Neil feels a touch of amusement at that. “Your head might hurt a little less tomorrow if you do.”

“Are you angry?” Kevin rushes out, and then begins to examine the floor at his feet very carefully rather than look at Neil.

“A little bit,” Neil tells him honestly. “But I’m glad you called. Though, to be clear, I don’t want you drinking. Or going to parties, even if Jeremy thinks it’s a great idea.”

“I won’t!” Kevin says. “Again. I’m sorry. It wasn’t even that fun, I don’t-”

“Kevin,” Neil interrupts. “Go to bed, huh?”

This derails Kevin’s apology rant. He looks at Neil hard for a moment – or he might just be squinting through the alcohol haze – before nodding. “Yeah, okay.”

He turns away, takes a step, and then turns back. “Thanks.”

“Thank Andrew. He’s the one who picked you up,” Neil replies, “I would have made you get a taxi.”

“Whatever,” Kevin replies, because he’s seventeen. “You told me once that you’d rather I called you if I was, uh, drinking, so…”

“Yeah,” Neil agrees. He did say that, and he’s glad Kevin remembered it. 

“I did thank him,” Kevin says quickly. “Okay, good night.”

He smacks his shoulder lightly against the doorframe on the way out into the hall, and Neil has to smother a laugh in his mug.

By the time Neil makes it back to their bedroom, Andrew is back under the covers but still awake, his eyes gleaming in the light from the hall. Neil closes the door and undresses in the dark before slipping in beside him.

There’s nothing to say. Kevin as a kid was straightforward, but this was still a hell of a lot easier than the first time he got sick in their care as a toddler. At least this time Kevin can clean up his own vomit if it comes to that.

Neil leans across the mattress and unerringly finds Andrew’s mouth, pressing a quick kiss there.

#the foxhole court #andreil #andreil and neil as parents #to kevin who is their anxious son #drinking #alcohol cw #kid kevin verse

[xlady-saya]

if magic exists, you’re the closest thing [fic]

Relationships: andrew/neil, jerejean, side aaron/katelyn, side alvarez/laila

Summary: The concept of love is not one Andrew understands.

For a long time, it escaped him. It's always fuzzy, always distorted. He'd given up on it long ago, so why is he still chasing answers?

Whatever the reason, he's content to blame Jean Moreau for a lot of things, Katelyn too.

It's their fault he's here, at the happiest place on earth.

Tags: disneyland fic, andrew thinks a lot about love, fluff, comfort, references to canon abuse/past

Read on AO3!

Andrew never liked the concept of time travel; there’s no one distinct moment he’d go back to personally, no tragic world event he’d try to stop like in the movies.  

However, due to today’s events, he might just forgo that opinion to say he’d gladly go back to make sure Disneyland never existed.

Then, maybe he wouldn’t have to listen to Kevin’s nagging.

"You two cannot blow off Jeremy Knox!" Kevin rages, hands planted on the kitchen counter as Neil deftly works around him. Andrew's not quite sure what he's doing; he asked Neil for some ice cream a few minutes ago, and the sounds of clattering dishes and spoons are way more interesting than whatever Kevin is saying.

Andrew leans back into his beanbag chair, content to demolish Aaron in Mario Kart in the meanwhile.

"Yes we can," Neil says, like it's the simplest thing in the world. Andrew almost smirks.

It is; there's no way in hell Kevin's making them go to Disneyland on top of scouting recruits in California. Andrew doesn't understand why Queen Day can't just make another pit stop in Los Angeles after visiting the other recruit he has lined up in Washington.

Andrew exhales slowly, trying his best to keep his attention on the screen while he thinks about Neil. He's not sure when that became so difficult.

Alas, Andrew knows why he's being forced back to California. Neil cares far too much about Exy and his duties as vice-captain to miss out on something so essential. He picked out some of these recruits this time around, and he wants to see them in action. However, in this case it's not even one of his picks, and all they need to do is drop off paperwork. Neil has been trying, futilely, to convince Andrew he doesn't need to come.

The consideration is appalling. Andrew's grip on his controller is enough to make the plastic creak. Neil knows all too well California is a sore spot for him, but not the area they're going. Andrew couldn't care less.

Besides...Andrew's not letting Neil travel that far all alone.

Nothing, not even his past, is going to keep Andrew from going with him to make sure he doesn't die or worse. It wouldn't be a problem if Kevin were accompanying him, but he's got his own recruits to scout.

Neil is capable, Andrew thinks. He doesn't need protection, but it won't stop Andrew from offering it.

He chooses not to think about how one day, he'll have no choice but to stay behind. One day, he'll live apart from Neil and have to trust that he'll be okay.

He swallows down the dread he doesn't want to acknowledge, and claims first place.

"Motherfucker," Aaron spits, but immediately clicks the next level for them. If he can sense Andrew's mood, he doesn't comment, but...this helps.

And then he hits Andrew with a blue shell, and Andrew has to wonder why he shared a womb.

Andrew channels the uncertainty elsewhere, like kicking Aaron's ass and listening to Neil wave Kevin off. The rest of the time, he blames his nerves on the five hour flight he'll have to make in the very near future.

"We're not going," Neil says again, firmer this time. It's a tone that always sends Andrew's protective instincts into overdrive, Neil's temper flaring. But, it's just Kevin, which means there's more amusement than danger at play here.

Neil simply doesn't want to deal with it, so Andrew finds his voice. "Fuck off."

Kevin sputters, no doubt whipping around to where Andrew is sitting. He's not sure why Jeremy Knox is so set on taking them to Disneyland, but Andrew doesn't care enough to think about it. He's trying to do the bare minimum on their trip, and the USC Trojans are trying to make life difficult.

As Kevin groans on, Andrew hears the slightest indication of Neil stepping towards him. Neil's walk is distinct, in that it's nonexistent. Andrew often tests his hearing on how well he can sense Neil's approach.

And then, Neil is in front of him, and the world narrows until it's just Neil, crouched down with a bowl in his hands. Andrew hates what he's begun to call the Neil Effect, since it really has no concrete explanation, at least not an acceptable one. He gets second place in the game, and ignores Aaron's gloating for once. He'll get him back later.

There's something proud in Neil's eyes, self-directed, and that's when Andrew looks down to the bowl of ice cream.

Ah, now he remembers.

They hadn't been able to go grocery shopping, so the only thing in the freezer was boring vanilla. Disappointing, but Andrew's sweet tooth didn't care at the time. He needed dessert, no matter how lackluster.

However, this isn't just vanilla ice cream. There's large chunks of Snickers and peanut butter cups mixed in, haphazardly so, but well enough that someone obviously put in the effort.

Someone being...

Andrew looks between the bowl and Neil's steadily brightening expression, unwilling to linger on the fact Neil took the time to become a Cold Stone apprentice for the sole purpose of pleasing Andrew. It's all a waste though, because when he takes the bowl from Neil's hands, the reluctant words come out anyways.

"You're it for me."

It's not really a confession, since Andrew has known this for a while, but it still stings his pride a bit.

Neil blinks at him, tilting his head in that way that has Andrew glaring extra hard. "Hm?"

"Nothing."

He shoves the biggest spoonful he can manage into his mouth, and deserves the icy burn he gets for it.

Thankfully, before Neil can pry, Kevin is back at it again. Andrew's not sure if it's for better or worse.

The Queen himself rounds on them, blocking the television. "One of the best strikers from one of the top teams invited you to hang out for the day," he says, solely at Neil. He knows well enough that Andrew doesn't care about ranks. "How does that not excite you?"

An appropriate question, though. Why wouldn't it excite Neil?

"I don't know anything about Disneyland."

Neil plops down next to Andrew, indifference well conveyed. However, Andrew knows better. The restlessness in Neil's muscles is slight, but not surprising. There's a lot of things Neil doesn't know about, and while he normally wouldn't care, the idea of a place known for crowds of people probably isn't something Neil wants to explore.

It's not like the striker grew up with any exposure to the hundreds of movies or songs.

"It's an amusement park you loser," Aaron chimes in, and Neil scowls at him. Andrew pauses mid bite, surprised. A little. His brother's brand of comfort is the exact opposite of the what the word entails; it's a contrary, scathing thing, nearly as bad as Andrew's. But Andrew can detect it still, and that was definitely it.

Not that Neil would know though. The striker crosses his arms and sticks out his tongue, but Aaron's attention is already on getting Kevin the fuck out of his way.

"I don't care, I don't want to go," Neil responds petulantly, the words eaten up by the harsh impact of a pillow hitting Kevin's stomach.

At least he moves enough for Aaron's game to resume.

In the middle of Neil's protests, the door opens, admitting another one of Andrew's problems.

And she's unpredictable on top of it.

"Hi sweetie," Katelyn calls, punctuated by the slam of the front door. Andrew tries not to cringe at the name, nor his brother's dreamy sigh as Katelyn waves at them all. She walks over to kiss Aaron on the cheek before her attention is back on Neil's constipated face, which she blows past without a second thought. Oh, to be a cheerleader. "Go where?"

Kevin tears his gaze away from Aaron at the reminder. "Neil, you have to go to Disneyland, just fucking deal with it. You might be able to get some helpful pointers from Jeremy. Plus, don't you want to check on Jean?"

A cheap trick, and one that absolutely sours Andrew's mood despite the sweetness in his mouth. The protective itch is back from hearing Moreau's name, and he tugs Neil a little closer out of necessity.

Another reason for them not to go: Andrew's not sure he can stop himself from murdering the ex-Raven. Victim of Riko or not, he'd put his hands on Neil.

"If he wasn't doing okay I'm sure he would've reached out on his own," Neil counters, seeing through Kevin's appeal to sympathy. Neil, while he gets along with Jean better now, doesn't worry about him nearly as much as Kevin does.

Kevin can visit him then, if he's so curious.

As if Andrew said the words aloud, Kevin's stare intensifies. "Are you kidding--"

"Wait," Katelyn interrupts without care, and Andrew actually looks at her. He's been giving her that privilege a lot more now. Not everyone is dumb or brave enough to cut Kevin off, and even the striker looks impressed. Andrew's immediately thrown by the quality of her stare, the determination. Neil makes a strained noise in the back of his throat, and well, he does know Katelyn better. "You guys are talking about Disneyland? Like...Disneyland Disneyland?"

The existence of a knock-off Disneyland is certainly a topic Andrew will explore with Neil later.

"Oh no," Aaron whispers, and that's all the warning they get.

Neil leans further into Andrew's personal space, almost guarding. Like he senses the catastrophe too. "Uhh, yeah?"

Katelyn screams.

Andrew's hand on the back of Neil’s neck keeps him from jumping out of their seat, but Katelyn's got a one track mind as she rushes for him, plopping down on the ground as Aaron checks his ears for ringing.

The only satisfying part is that Katelyn pushes Kevin out of the way in the process. He goes reeling back with a yelp, very unbecoming of royalty.

"Oh my god! Neil you have to go, it's so fun!" Katelyn cheers, clapping her hands together softly. She chooses then to show Neil her backpack, adorned with about 100,000 Disney pins. Just an estimate.

As if Neil knows what any of them are. Neil barely blinks at Elsa's face before Katelyn's back to talking his ear off. "I've been trying to get Aaron to go with me for months but we don't ever have the time. I have a super long list of stuff I want! If I give you the money will you get them for me?"

Katelyn bites her lip rather hard then, like she almost let a 'please' slip, and Andrew doesn't try to think about the consideration. Katelyn clasps her hands together instead, like a plea.

Andrew figures the only reason her forehead isn't on the floor is because she knows better than to have any faith in a boys' dorm room.

"Whoa, whoa," Neil says, raising his hands in the face of Katelyn's puppy eyes. "I'm not going--"

The puppy eyes turn into those of a Rottweiler. Andrew doesn't know why all his previous judgements are being so twisted on this mediocre Thursday night, but whatever.

"Neil," Katelyn breathes, patience tested. "It's the happiest place on Earth."

Andrew's eyes flit to Neil's, communicating the same thing: bullshit.

Neil's confused expression falls into downright boredom, watching Andrew swirl the remains of his dessert. "Katelyn, I don't know how to tell you this, but I actually don't care."

Aaron wheezes at the same time Katelyn deflates.

"Josten--"

"B-but..." Katelyn turns her shining eyes on Aaron, cutting off his warning like a shiv. Andrew almost doesn't want to watch his brother be this pathetic. "Aren't I right, babe? Neil just has to experience it, he has to!"

Andrew hears Kevin open a bag of chips.

"I--um," Aaron tries, glancing between Neil and Katelyn's pout. It takes him about...two attempts to make words. "Yeah Josten, you have to."

"Wow," Kevin mutters, off to the side.

Neil glares at Aaron's weakness, but he had to know Aaron would be useless from the start. Aaron can't say no to his girlfriend.

What a loser.

"Katelyn, I'm not going," Neil tries again, dutifully not looking at the Disney-vomit backpack Katelyn keeps inching closer to him. "Andrew and I are just stopping by to drop off paperwork for one of Kevin's new recruits and that's it."

Kevin takes a deep breath, like he remembers he started this argument in the first place, but is cut off by Katelyn's backpack hitting the floor.

Neil is the only one who seems to take it as a threat, and he holds up a hand for Kevin to shut up. Now, Andrew knows most mafia movies are unrealistic and stupid, but he thinks he's had enough actual exposure to make a good guess.

This feels like some kind of standoff between two troublesome redheads, and he meets Aaron's confused stare with his blank one.

He wishes everyone would get out of his dorm.

"Okay, I get it," Katelyn says slowly, words spaced out by deep breaths for effect. Andrew would think she's a theater major, not biology. Neil watches Katelyn's hands fold in front of her, eyes hard. "I didn't want to have to do this."

Neil quirks a brow, somewhat amused.

"Neil."

"Katelyn."

"You owe me," she says, and the room freezes. Owe. Haha. That's a very dangerous word to toss around in the presence of Andrew Minyard, especially concerning his boyfriend who he's sworn to protect. Andrew turns on her with a frown, but she's undeterred by his ominous stance, fixed solely on Neil. "From the time. With the thing."

Katelyn flips her wrist back and forth then, an almost meaningless gesture, and no one knows what she's talking about

Except for Neil.

The striker's face goes red, and Andrew chooses then to squeeze the back of his neck tighter. Neil's not panicking, Andrew knows, but it's an instinct. Katelyn's smug smile is starting to piss him off, and he shakes Neil sharply.

"Neil," he says, voice even despite the tension in his limbs. "What--"

"We're going to fucking Disneyland," Neil says with a groan, slumping into the edge of the beanbag chair. He looks far from distressed, more...like he's been bested.

Katelyn cheers, jumping up to hug Aaron, who still has no idea what's going on.

Same.

"I'll get my list ready!" Katelyn rips out her science notebook, nearly tearing some neatly written equations. Not that she cares, in the moment. "Oh Neil, you're the best!"

Andrew drags Neil by the chin until their gazes meet, and Andrew hates when Neil looks sheepish. It means he's up to no good. "Neil, she can't force you to--"

"She's not forcing me," Neil sighs, tugging Andrew's sleeve until he lets their fingers link together. Neil's smile is rueful as he slots his eyes over to where Katelyn is scribbling on her homework, and he makes sure no one is watching when he slides Andrew's hand against his cheek. "Trust me when I say...I made the bed I'm about to lie in. I honor my deals too. Okay?"

Neil is such a problem, because he knows Andrew too well. He grinds his teeth, but he comes up with no argument. It's Katelyn, so it's not like the deal Neil made is anything life threatening or degrading, but Andrew's curiosity is annoying regardless.

Maybe when his pride dies down a little, he'll ask.

"Whatever you say," he scoffs, but keeps Neil's hand tucked against his side. "I still didn't agree to--"

Andrew looks down to where Neil fiddles with his shackle bracelet, still shining around his wrist because of how well the striker takes care of it. Neil tilts his head, and oh, oh no.

Andrew glares at the offending gift, given by his own hands and delicately tied around Neil's wrist. If he knew it would be this much of a weakness, he would've thrown it in the ocean.

"Andrew?" Neil asks, squeezing his hand, and Andrew doesn't know what to do other than curse Katelyn, himself, and then Walt Disney.

"I hate you," he mutters, and Neil's all too happy to hear it.

--

It takes Andrew about five minutes or so to determine that Jean Moreau is in love with Jeremy Knox.

It takes even less time for Andrew to decide he doesn't give a fuck. In fact, Andrew's not sure why he notices in the first place. He doesn't care about those things, but maybe it's just that they're so obvious, Andrew's can't help but pick up on it.

The long glances, the way Jeremy keeps reaching up to fix the stupid headband on Jean's head...

Gross.

The landscape in Andrew's mind has a tremble in it today, so there's no way for him to tell for sure why the two of them are so apparent to him. The air around him gives him a lot of things to linger on; disjointed laughter, cheery music, and less upsetting, the smell of fried desserts. It ties a rope around his brain and leads him in different directions, leaving only Neil as his weight. No wonder the Jean Moreau shitshow managed to slip in there somewhere.

Andrew doesn't even have the energy to be annoyed at that, at his inability to reign himself in and decide what to cast aside or focus on. His gaze scans the massive crowd in front of him, behind him, painfully aware that he's surrounded.

That Neil is surrounded.

He sighs, and the sound makes his boyfriend flinch in relief. Like he forgot Andrew was there, and is now all too happy that he is.

Calm down, junkie.

Andrew's fingers itch for a cigarette, but that ship had sailed as soon as he stepped through the Disneyland entrance. He thinks this, but he's actually not particularly anxious. He's not Neil, who needs to know all the quickest ways out of a place and who takes a large crowd as an invitation to slip in and disappear.

That's mostly where the itch comes from, Andrew realizes with only some irritation; he's hyper-aware of Neil, and all his reactions. The striker keeps glancing around at the streams of people, the bright colors and signs inviting them to a landscape with no laws or reason.

It should be everything Neil hates, and Andrew watches his blue eyes trace the cobblestone and directories.

"Beautiful isn't it!" Jeremy gestures to the road leading up to main street, and some of the tension in Jean's shoulders notably dissipates. "Did you know Disneyland brings in an average of--"

"50,000 people a day," Jean deadpans, as if the thought still makes him queasy. He gets a genuine laugh out of Jeremy for it, so Andrew guesses that was the point all along.

Andrew remembers everything, and he did not need that useless fact. But alas, now it's stuck.

Neil's body is surprisingly still beside him. Calm.

Andrew pauses, waiting for Neil to show some sign that he can't handle this. It's not a reflection of any kind of weakness Andrew thinks he has, he simply knows that sometimes Neil pushes himself where he shouldn't. Andrew considers this a loophole in their non-finalized deal. He lets Neil fight his own battles, but Andrew is not afraid to step in and put a stop to the ones Neil doesn't know he's in.

But, to Andrew's unintentional relief, Neil doesn't look two seconds from a panic attack. The striker’s face settles into a deadpan expression, a habit stolen from Andrew himself. There's no tremble, or fidgeting, or sign to tell Andrew to drag Neil back to their hotel and hole him up there.

Neil simply looks fucking done, and Andrew couldn't agree more.

Their unfortunate companions are there to remind them it's only the beginning.

"Oh my god, what should we do first?" Jeremy Knox babbles, stupid Mickey ears on his head, and Andrew watches with only some amusement as Neil leans back an inch in fear. The striker never did know what to do with genuinely happy people. Katelyn, he's come to understand based on the things they have in common. Their protective instincts and tempers ghost over her sheltered lifestyle and talkativeness, though Andrew still doesn't get how Neil stands her. Renee he simply hadn't trusted; Neil had seen the darkness beneath the smiles, but in time, he'd come to trust and value her as well.

Jeremy Knox is a different story, and currently even Andrew doesn't know how to feel about him. Such optimism and ignorance to the real world are things Andrew would normally write off in a person, but there's something swimming beneath the surface in Jeremy Knox's eyes that has him rethinking.

In short, Andrew gets the vibe that if pushed far enough, Jeremy Knox might actually have the capacity to snap over Disneyland. Disneyland.

That kind of madness is something Andrew can't help but recognize in people, and he keeps an eye on Neil as a result. He should've known; who gets custom Disney ears the color of their fucking school?

"Uh..." Neil tries, but he's apparently speechless. Andrew reaches down to tug on Neil's belt loop, and he won't ever say it's out of comfort. Neil takes it like one though, scooting closer, and the urge for nicotine is less powerful for a moment.

There's no avoiding it, and he despises feeling trapped. They're going to have to spend their whole day here. It really isn't their kind of place, but Andrew has not right to wonder how they got roped into this.

Andrew glares at Neil’s bag. He didn’t bring it for them.

That's why they're here, because Neil has a two-page souvenir list in his backpack courtesy of Aaron's girlfriend.

Andrew's scowl returns at the memory, and he turns it on Jean.

Just because.

"Jean, what's your favorite ride?" Jeremy asks, eyes shining. Neither Andrew nor Neil asked for the recommendation.

"Indiana Jones," Jean answers, seemingly without thinking too hard on it, and his eyes shine when Jeremy beams.

"Mine too!"

Gag.

Andrew's opinion of Jean Moreau has not improved over the past year. Andrew promised Neil he wouldn't confront the man while they were actually at the park, but it's a talk Andrew will eventually have if he has anything to say about it.

He's different though, that much Andrew can tell. The backliner still curls in on himself, making himself as small as can be despite his height. The tattooed '3' is dark against his pale skin, but the sun has taken out some of the starkness. Jean always keeps his hands in front of himself, as if ready to guard against an attack, but his shoulders are less stiff around his new team.

They're observations, nothing more. Andrew couldn't care less about Jean Moreau's life or happiness. It's all his own to deal with, but Andrew cannot ignore the changes, since they mirror Neil's own.

Speaking of Neil...

He's still trying to find a polite way of telling Jeremy he has zero clue about what Disneyland has to offer, and Andrew notes that Neil must've sensed it too: Jeremy's batshit opinion about this place. Otherwise Neil would never hold back the usual bluntness.

Andrew would pay to see it.

Jean tugs one of Jeremy's Mickey ears, gesturing to the entrance. "The girls are here."

Neil's demeanor breathes a little when he sees Laila and Alvarez approaching; he likes them, and even Andrew knows they're not nearly as annoying as their teammates. They're walking hand in hand, the same Trojan ears glistening on their heads.

What is it with these people?

Andrew lets the greetings fall into the background, but can't say he feels awful when Laila cracks some dumb Exy pun, making the edge of Neil's lips twitch in a smile.

Another thing the girls have to offer: they seem to know when Jeremy is about to launch into another tirade.

"Jeremy cool it," Alvarez says, holding Jeremy back by the hoodie before he can get anywhere further into Neil's bubble. "Neil's not going to remember everything about all the different sections, just let him explore."

For a split second, Jeremy's face scrunches up, like he ate something foul. "He needs to know not to go to....that place."

Laila rolls her eyes. "You mean Star Wars--"

"Stop."

Laila turns her aggravated stare on her girlfriend, but all Alvarez offers is a shrug. "He's right."

Neil turns to Andrew as if he'll understand, but he does not.

Jeremy's eyes flit around the park to all the decorations, the crowd a sea of Mickey ears, planning out where to drag them. And the rest of them allow it. Team dynamics don't interest Andrew much, but they're not following Jeremy out of fear. They're treating this journey, along with Jeremy's eccentricities, as inevitable and maybe even endearing.

Andrew wants to leave.

Then Jeremy gasps, staring down at his empty hands. "Neil, you and Andrew have never been here right? Maybe I should've gotten you a map, for the experience, you know?" Then Jeremy tilts his head up, in that haughty way Kevin might after lecturing them on an exy skill he acquired. "It's fine though, I know where everything is. You're in good hands!"

Andrew seriously doubts that.

"Oh, that reminds me!" Jeremy says, plopping his giant backpack on the floor. Andrew wonders if he packed for the possibility of them being stuck there for eternity. It's a gift for Jeremy Knox to be able to make Andrew's day that much worse. He pulls out two custom sets of ears from his backpack, styled in white and orange. Palmetto colors.

No.

"You guys can match," Jeremy says with a wink, and Neil looks torn. On one hand they're orange, on the other hand they're absurd.

But of course, Neil's obsession wins over, and he grabs for a pair of ears without hesitation.

Andrew can't.

"I'm not wearing those," Andrew states, uncaring of how the rest of them flinch. Neil's the only one not surprised, but he's giving Andrew that face, and Andrew has to hold himself back from telling Neil to stop.

We're in public, control yourself.

But Neil just sighs, fixing the ears to his head. They clash with Neil's reddish-brown hair, bright and sparkly.

Andrew hates being gay.

He ignores Jean's glare as Jeremy holds the other pair of ears to his chest. More evidence, Andrew realizes, and the pathetic kind too. Jean can't stand the thought of someone hurting his not-boyfriend's feelings.

"O-oh," Jeremy says, but his smile is back, undeterred. He spins to face Neil, who miraculously, doesn't flinch. "Well, I guess I'll wear them then! Neil, you and I can match! I don't want you to be alon--"

The stream of consciousness in Andrew's head comes to a jarring halt, tires screeching.

Unacceptable, absolutely not. He doesn't even have a moment to think about why, or stop himself from being so ridiculous.

He snatches the ears from Jeremy's hands and puts them on, refusing to meet Neil's smug stare.

"Shut up."

And thankfully, Neil does, but others do not.

"He's as bad as you babe," Laila whispers behind him, and he practically feels the heat radiating off Alvarez.

"Can it."

Andrew catches Jean's sigh of relief in his peripheral, and isn't quite sure why he agreed to not kill him in the happiest place on Earth.

"You guys look great!" Jeremy comments, but Andrew is already walking ahead, eager to be anywhere else.

That, and he's pretty sure the churros are this way.

Neil keeps up with him easily, given his strong legs, even knowing Andrew is deliberately trying to not look at him. Neil's gaze is a warm, affectionate thing, one Andrew will never be used to. Neil's so distracted, he almost trips, and Andrew hooks his arm around Neil's waist to right him. They're connected for merely a second, but Andrew's arm feels like it's on fire.

"Focus," he growls, but Neil doesn't take it as a threat. He never does.

"Mm, I can't," Neil says. "I like them. I like them on you."

"They're hideous."

"So our uniforms are hideous?"

"Yes."

They reach the churros, and Neil buys him three.

Jeremy starts to babble again as Andrew digs in, and Andrew can't help but notice he buys Jean one without being asked. The ex-Raven doesn't look super pleased with the sweetness, but he eats it anyways.

And throughout all the chatter, Jean won't stop staring right at Jeremy.

Why does Andrew keep noticing? He might just be able to blame Katelyn for that too.

Ever since he picked her up from Eden's, she's been responsible for a lot of unacceptable thoughts in his head. All because of one, stupid line of reasoning.

"I know, I know a lot of people use the word and they don't mean it, or they don't act like it but...that's on them. That's not real love, the actual thing, the definition. Just because people use the word incorrectly doesn't mean the feeling isn't real."

Real love. Already, there's so many things wrong with that phrase. Katelyn doesn't see it as subjective, Andrew doesn't see it as anything at all. Devotion, protective, consideration...they are all things people would perhaps put towards the definition, but they neglect the absences as well. Absence of hurt, of blame, of judgement.

That's the half so many people don't get right, and even if they do, Andrew cannot see how it could be wrapped up in a word.

He watches Jean sigh and lean into Jeremy's sphere, and thinks of how his brother looks at Katelyn. It's eerily similar.

Andrew would not use the word love normally, so he reaches in to pluck Katelyn's idiotic definition out from the past to see if it applies. The pretty parts are there; Jeremy is constantly aware of Jean's presence, careful to steer him to the edges of crowds, to check if he's alright. On the opposite end of things, Jean just looks like he'd burn the so called happiest place on Earth to the ground if it meant being able to listen to Jeremy's prattle.

He's not willing to analyze much more than that, not with Neil by his side. It puts pressure on the stone in him, dropped there by Katelyn that night at Eden's and steadily growing with every moment he spends around his boyfriend.

"I think we should definitely go on Indy though," Jeremy says, leaning in to take a bite of Jean's churro. It's so stupidly romantic Andrew wants to vomit. "I want to see Jean get scared again!"

The girls smirk, though a minute later Alvarez is teasing Laila just the same. Jean's face is colored red, not with shame, but innocent embarrassment. Not becoming of a Raven, but then again, Jean never wanted to be one.

"I was not scared, I had never been on the ride before!" Jean crosses his arms, and his teammates look at him in the way the Foxes look at Neil. Complete adoration.

"It scared him to death," Jeremy says to Andrew and Neil, trying very poorly to whisper.

And, without breaking eye contact with Jean, Andrew says: "If only."

Because really, if only.

Jean's the only one besides Neil who takes the statement as intended, as in completely seriously. The backliner's face goes white, staring at Andrew and waiting for it to be a joke. He has to know deep down it's not.

Jeremy holds his stomach from how hard he's laughing. "Ha! You're a riot Andrew," he wheezes, and Neil regards him as neutrally as he can. It's hard, when Jeremy sounds like a dying seagull.

Andrew pulls out his phone, avoiding Neil's gaze. Technically, he only promised not to physically confront Jean at Disneyland, nothing else. "That's me, comedy king."

Without looking up, Andrew opens his notes app and sidesteps Jeremy until he's closer to Jean. He has no qualms about calmly typing out the words 'I despise you' before showing it to him.

Honestly, no other Raven is this easy to read, but Andrew supposes it has more to do with Jean's complete revival than anything else.

Jean reads the message, blinks, looks at Neil as if to confirm his suspicions, and then nods slowly.

Well, now he knows. It'll be a good way to put a pin in things for now.

When Andrew walks back over to his churro holder (see: Neil), the redhead is shaking his head, grin way fonder than it should be.

--

It takes around fifteen minutes for them to ditch the group, and for Andrew to stuff his pair of ears into Neil's backpack to never see the light of day again.

It's absurdly easy, they barely have to duck into the crowd or put their heads down. Despite Jeremy's insistence that Andrew and Neil see all there is to see, he'd hardly taken his eyes off Jean. In fact, the two are so engrossed in each other they barely notice the girls, who seem to weirdly not mind.

Jeremy is the talker, and Jean is only too happy to go along with it, soaking in every nonsense opinion even when he seems to not understand the relevance or importance. Andrew wonders if this so called 'love' truly makes people that uncaring, but then again, he knows it does. He's watched his brother fawn over every dumb little detail of Katelyn's life. Once, she'd gone on a ten minute tangent about her colored pencil coordinated note taking system. Aaron had been fascinated, not because he cared about the content of the words, but because of Katelyn herself.

Andrew doesn't understand, but his mind conjures up the image of Neil peeking over the top of a bus seat, the hours floating by.

They find a good spot to sit down on Main Street near the castle, perfect for the people watching Neil likes to do. Andrew's on his third churro with a fourth lined up, and if Neil's wallet is crying about it, he doesn't seem to mind. The striker's legs dangle lazily from the bench they're on, swinging in time with the cheery music blaring through the speakers. Andrew brought him here to escape the crowd; Neil always preferred to watch, to catalogue the different types of people. Disneyland, at the very least, should have an interesting variety for Neil to judge and pick apart for the nonsensical survival guide in his head.

Page ninety-two: signs of regret-filled parents. That's how Andrew would guess it's organized.

But no, Neil's staring right at him. Andrew could feel it mid chew, the striker's gaze penetrating and brighter than any of the thousand balloons he's seen flying around.

Andrew managed to hold out for about half a churro, no longer, before giving in.

Neil's triumphant smile is an indication he was all too aware of the game.

"Are they good?" Neil asks, and it's enough to make Andrew pause. He watches the way Neil adjusts those stupid ears on his head, the way he licks his lips to mimic the place Andrew assuredly has sugar on his own.

Rather than answer, and before he does something stupid, he shoves the end of the churro into Neil's mouth. It's not an uncommon occurrence.

Neil barely yelps before dutifully taking a bite. Andrew waits for the usual scrunch of his nose, the disgust at the sweetness. Still, Neil will never refuse something Andrew offers him.

"Not bad," Neil says, chewing slow. There's sugar on his lips now too, and Andrew realizes he made an error. "Still too much sugar."

Unheard of. There's no such thing.

With a scoff, Andrew wipes the excess sugar off Neil's lips with his thumb. "You disgust me, Josten."

It doesn't sound as convincing as it used to, and Neil's triumphant smile only grows wider. Only then does he sigh and lean back, staring into the sea of people who love wasting money. Andrew will never get the fascination.

There's a good distance between them on the bench which Neil hasn't tried to close, and won't until Andrew says otherwise. Andrew's not in the mood to feel his weight, not today. It wasn't brought on by anything specific, but Neil abides like he always does.

Neil doesn't seem any less content.

"I can't believe they haven't noticed we're gone," the redhead says, far from disappointed. The relief is something Andrew can relate to. It's been about an hour, and they've done nothing, but Andrew knows he's having a better time this way.

The last thing he wants is to watch Jean and Jeremy obliviously flirt and fawn over one another with no outlet. Andrew's not sure if they'd be worse if they were actually dating, and part of him considers just dropping the bomb on them to ruin any kind of movie moment they might have at this godforsaken place.

"I can," Andrew mutters, but doesn't elaborate. He's sure Neil hasn't actually noticed the pining, not with Andrew nearby, and certainly not with everything else going on. He doesn't need to know, because then they might have to talk about it.

Andrew doesn't have all the words for that yet.

Neil hums, interpreting the words in his own way. "Jean does seem...better. I guess he would be more focused on his friends. At least now Kevin will stop complaining, I'll get to tell him Jean's doing just great."

The topic of Jean Moreau isn't much better.

He's not able to keep all of his glower locked down, and he ends up making a passing school teacher flinch. "I don't care how he is," he says through his teeth, and Neil stiffens.

Yeah, wrong thing to bring up. Not as bad as the times Neil will drop his mother into conversation, but not good regardless.

Neil sighs, fiddling with his bracelet again. It's what he does when he wants to touch Andrew but won't. "Andrew, Jean is--"

Andrew turns the intensity of his stare on Neil. They've had this talk before, and he's not trying to bring it up again. Contrary to what other people may believe, he's not adverse to having difficult conversations with Neil. Arguments, even.

They happen, but...

There's something about it; Andrew won't say it's comfortable, but he simply knows it won't change anything. He and Neil disagree sometimes, but it seldom turns into a screaming match or the silent treatment. More often than not, Andrew's willing to keep coming back to a topic if it means they reach a compromise. He doesn't yield that way for anyone else, but Neil doesn't make it feel like submission or defeat. It's why it doesn't make Andrew nearly as antsy as he originally believed it would, when they started their this. For them, it's problem-solving.

This however...this is one thing Andrew can't excuse. Not yet, maybe not ever. They keep having to step away.

"Don't," Andrew says. Neil's eyes hold no fear, and they shouldn't. Andrew's not saying it unkindly, it's the truth. "Whatever you say will not change my mind. Not with this."

Not when it comes to people hurting what's mine.

Andrew's hands curl into the edge of the bench, the splitting wood a comfort. He's strong, his hands have the power to kill, to fend off. Why that's so important in this moment...

When Neil still doesn't look like he understands, Andrew reaches forward to flick the shackle pendant around his wrist, almost on instinct.

And well, guess it's become a weakness for them both.

Neil sighs, and bites his tongue in a rare show of restraint. The striker keeps back every counterpoint and argument, which he surely has handfuls of, and puffs out his cheeks. Any other moment it would be...maybe not so annoying.

But not cute.

Some of the trembling in Andrew's frame leaves; he's not dumb enough to think this is over, Neil is too stubborn. But for now, the striker accepts it.

Though, not without being infuriating. Neil's gaze pierces him, sticking Andrew to the spot.

"I'm safe with you Andrew," Neil breathes, and Andrew's not willing to acknowledge how Neil quickly aims for the root of the problem. It's a spike through Andrew's chest. Again, Neil races ahead of Andrew's own thought process at the most random times.

So that's it. Andrew thinks. A promise.

It won't happen again. Neil has no way of knowing that, but he wants Andrew to believe it; nothing will hurt Neil so severely again because Andrew won't allow it. Andrew will thrash and bleed before it happens again, but Jean Moreau is a reminder that it can, even when most of the guilt falls on a dead man. There will always be others, lurking in the shadows. Weapons, threats.

But still, with all his paranoia, Andrew can't even tell Neil to be quiet, because to refute such a statement feels wrong in a number of ways. Neil's trust is something he earned.

Andrew hums instead, and refuses to repeat the obvious. Instead, he pushes Neil back by the shoulder, his back hitting the bench and forcing Neil to loosen up.

Better.

"I can't believe a place like this exists," Neil sighs, giving into the calm Andrew lends him. Andrew's not sure if he means it from the perspective of a runaway or not. Disneyland would be an enigma to most people with Neil's past.

"You don't feel happy?" Andrew says with a sneer, taking in the fighting families and crying children. He knows there's equal parts people smiling and having fun, and he's choosing to center himself on the negatives, but he's not in the mood to apply Bee's advice for once.

"Well if I did it would be because of you," Neil says, grin smug from the stare Andrew turns on him. No one needs his sappiness. "But I don't really like that word."

Haha.

Andrew pokes Neil in the leg, more like a jab, and Neil jumps. "Stop stealing my lines."

Neil snorts. "I just meant in terms of this place. Doesn't it feel untrustworthy from the get-go if you advertise your park as the happiest place? It can't actually be."

It's amazing how hard Neil's brain works when it comes to unimportant topics. "Careful, if Jeremy hears you he'll have a meltdown."

"That would be interesting though."

"And potentially homicidal."

Andrew makes a note to bring Kevin if he ever has to return here. Kevin won't be able to keep his distaste hidden, and he'll get to really test the Jeremy Knox theory.

"Have you ever been to an amusement park?" Neil asks a moment later, voice low. Treading lightly.

It's not a particularly bad memory for Andrew though, and he only shrugs. He's no longer shocked about how much he talks to Neil. It's easy, not draining.

"Mostly for school, I wouldn't waste time with the rides," Andrew says, and feels the memory of old dollar bills in his hands. Sometimes he'd be lucky enough for his foster homes to provide him money for food, sometimes not. "Carnivals were easier. I could just go off and find some abandoned corner to smoke or wait it out."

No one ever cared to come looking for him.

Despite his sweet tooth, he seldom had the actual money to spoil himself with the fried foods either. He makes up for that now, obviously.

Speaking of, he wants a frozen lemonade at some point.

Neil's eyes are devoid of pity, but Andrew knows he could quickly turn that understanding gaze into a rage-fueled one if he chose to provide any of the details.

He doesn't. He never enjoyed things like amusement parks, and he doesn't mind either way if Neil does, but part of him is simply at ease, here on this stupid bench.

Neil's protection can't reach back into the past, no matter how badly the striker would like it to.

"Everyone always talked about Disneyland as the best place in the world," Andrew offers instead, waving his hand around. If anything, the sheer size of the park is the most impressive thing about it. The other kids in his classes couldn't let it go; family vacations, dream dates, etc.

The hype around the park never died down no matter how Andrew aged.

Compared to Neil sitting next to him, the park is without.

"And your verdict?" Neil asks anyways, because he tries not to assume when he can.

Andrew's not sure why his heart reacts the way it does to that.

Neil's stupid ears pair with his Palmetto hoodie perfectly, and he looks like the pumpkin Cinderella would've taken to the ball. The fierceness of him isn't softened in the slightest by it though, his vulnerability comes from his eyes, the way all his alarms become inactive in Andrew's presence.

Andrew craves it, this complete, unyielding trust.

He hates how Neil can make any situation interesting.

"It's annoying," Andrew eventually says, rolling up his churro wrapper into a tight ball. He misses the trash can when he tosses it, and ignores the disgruntled stare he gets for it from a park worker. "Not awful."

Neil straightens up, too proud of himself. "Are you saying that because of the churros or because I'm here?"

"Be quiet."

Neil, because his death wish inclination isn't as active today, doesn't point out the non-answer. The striker just hands him money for another churro, though he's considering beignets.

Neil watches the way Andrew stares at the money, seemingly content to allow Andrew this indulgence. "I remember kids talking about it when I was younger. I could never understand why such a crowded place could be so fun. Much less the lines or overpriced food. But..."

Andrew clutches the money tight, but it's a poor substitute for Neil's hand. "But?"

"But well, it's not like I ever got the chance to try it out." Neil gestures to the precise decorations, the ornate buildings, and his eyes flit down the trolley lines like they remind him of a destination far worse. Andrew never asked Neil if he train hopped before. Neil sighs, his nose scrunching from the sweet, candied scents in the air. "Maybe I would've loved it. Then I'd be a lunatic like Jeremy."

It's meant to be a joke, but Andrew understands. That's the strangeness of the unknown. Had things been different, had they been raised like anyone else, there's no telling what they could've been like.

But things weren't different. Andrew isn't foolish enough to reflect on the past with bitterness or entertain what he could've been like if only. The asinine exercise would do nothing for him, for his future.

The future he's coming to anticipate and accept, because Neil also refuses to look back. It's still a globby, hard to see mess right now, but the more days pass with Neil by his side, even it begins to take shape.

But he doesn't have room in his chest to say all that, so instead he tugs on Neil's headband again. Snug.

"You're already wearing the ears," he drawls. As if Neil forgot, his hands fly up to tug on one of the ears, and Andrew is helpless to save the image forever.

"I should probably take them o--"

"No."

Just...no.

It's hard to make Neil blush, but when it happens Andrew makes sure to catalogue it. He watches the color spread on the bridge of the striker's nose, and then Neil laughs, a light and fleeting sound. Andrew hears it over everything else.

Neil turns on the bench, hugging his knees to his chest, and Andrew is moving to face him without thinking about it. "I feel like...if the others were here they'd say we're wasting the opportunity," Neil muses, pursing his lips. "Like we should be going on rides and watching shows."

"That's everyone's problem then," Andrew waves the thought off, tracking Neil's lips. He's not ready for a kiss, but he's warming up to the idea.

But, Neil seldom brings up things pointlessly with him.

"It is," Neil agrees, and Andrew presses his thumb into the crease of his boyfriend's brows. Neil doesn't flinch. "But they might be right. I guess I can't expect to have the same opinions now as I did as a kid on the run. I should at least be able to say, yeah I went to Disneyland slightly more adjusted and I still don't see what the big deal is."

Ah, the point emerges. Andrew will admit...

"You don't seem anxious," Andrew observes, because he expected Neil to be very nervous.

Neil tilts his head, and Andrew has to make him stop doing that. "What?"

Andrew leans back, and Neil follows the touch instinctively before getting a hold of himself. "If you really felt you were wasting time, you'd be all fidgety and irritating."

"I didn't say I felt like I was wasting time, just that I maybe should," Neil sighs. Andrew isn't sure what he means, but he doesn't have time to think about it when Neil's impish grin comes back. "But no, any time I spend with you isn't a waste."

Andrew leans in, slow and insistent, and lets Neil tense in anticipation of a touch, a kiss. Then, Andrew pushes his face away. It's what he deserves, and Neil bites his tongue.

Huffy.

Neil slumps back, but the pouty thing he's doing dampens the scowl. He needs to not spend so much time with Katelyn.

"You've become a sap, rabbit."

And it's dangerous for both of them. Andrew doesn't mean for the words to come out so light, but what's the use in correcting himself?

"I get it from you," Neil shoots back, and oh, now he chooses to read Andrew's mind. At the twitch of Andrew's mouth, Neil smiles, the kind reserved for Andrew and Andrew alone.

Andrew's nerve endings are still a little fuzzy, but he tugs Neil's sleeve until he follows. He brings Neil close enough to feel Andrew's heat, to smell the cinnamon. This works, for now.

And Neil, despite being somewhere people dream of visiting, looks totally focused on him. When he gazes down the trolley lines again, the expression is much more promising.

"Who knows? It might be fun if we went now, with all the foxes," Neil wonders aloud. "Not sure, since I think the closest thing to a ride I've ever been on is a train, and not legally."

Well, there's the train hopping question answered.

But that's it, he supposes. He feels nothing about this place, or any amusement parks for that matter. Even in his tumultuous childhood, he experienced them, never understood the appeal.

Neil's never had the opportunity to try. He's never been able to form an opinion.

Andrew thinks that's at least one aspect of his freedom Neil should have, even if it is something so trivial.

Andrew sighs; what has he gotten himself into?

Neil Josten is a whirlwind of an individual, but he's Andrew's.

That's what Neil would say, without hesitation, every time.

'But I'm yours.'

Andrew really does need a cigarette, but that frozen lemonade will have to do. He stands up, making a show of brushing himself off. He can feel the tilts of Neil's head behind him, for fuck's sake.

"C'mon then," Andrew says, turning around to adjust how crooked Neil's headband is. Another problem he didn't need, but it's too late now. Damn merchandise. When Neil still makes no move to get up, Andrew tugs his bangs. "Let's go on a ride."

Neil's jaw opens and closes, but Andrew is already turning away from him. Neil's fast, he should be able to catch up. "W-wait, are you sure?"

Neil scrambles to his feet, and Andrew can't look directly at him. He's sure there's something bright and shiny swimming in those eyes right now, and that's far too much.

He tries to go through his mind for what he knows about Disneyland, and asks himself if he's in the mood to be up high.

No, not today. Neil has him feeling far too much already.

"I think the Matterhorn is enclosed," he says, in lieu of an explanation, and knows Neil will get the meaning.

Neil grips the straps of his backpack, reigning in the energy as best he can. Andrew wonders when he'll work up the nerve to tell Neil he doesn't have to when it's like this. Even without touch, Andrew promised to take everything Neil had to offer.

He's not sure if Neil can sense the feeling, but his face softens anyways. "Okay...yeah!"

Neil falls in step beside him, and Andrew revises his previous statement with only mild displeasure. He doubts he will ever have enough of this.

--

The Matterhorn was, what a shocker, a bad idea.

Andrew will never say he tries to make his driving a comfortable experience, but he knows his road raging still would've been a more pleasurable time than being thrown around on that poor excuse for a ride.

The bumpiness of the Matterhorn was also not helped by how tense he was; he felt like a cutting board in a blender, trying to force away the unrealistic thought of Neil flying off the edge and plummeting to his death during the whole two minute affair.

A forty-five minute wait for two minutes of back pain that'll last the rest of the day.

"Well that sucked," Neil says with a wince, stretching out his back slowly. Andrew pointedly looks elsewhere. "Why do people do this for fun? I feel like my spine got ripped out and then put back in the wrong way."

Andrew wants to tell him to stop being so dramatic, but for once Neil's words are accurate.

They tried. No one can say they didn't try.

"Nevermind you were right," Neil says as Andrew orders them a lemonade to share; Neil ignores the glare Andrew gives him for chugging the first half in one go. Neil sighs from the rush of citrus, placing the cold cup to his forehead. "Can we go home?"

"Doubtful, unless you want to walk," Andrew sighs. He retches the lemonade away from Neil, pushing away his grabby hands. An admirable tactic, but fruitless. "I knew carpooling was a stupid move."

"Hey, we take offense to that."

Neil tenses on instinct, like the hypocrite he is. He's so used to being the shadow, the nosy meddler who overhears everything. Andrew would think he's more than deserving of being on the receiving end if he wasn't so annoyed himself.

They turn to find the girls grinning ear to ear, and Andrew notes right away how there's no smiling bundle of 'I love Disney' with them.

Jean and Jeremy are nowhere to be found.

How 'bout that.

Alvarez unlinks her arm from her girlfriend's to ring out her damp shirt; Andrew notices they're soaked from head to toe, sneakers squeaking from their drenched socks. It makes Andrew grimace on the inside; it should feel atrocious, but the girls are beaming.

"So you two do act like a couple," Laila says, and Andrew's not sure he gets what she means. He does decide she's his least favorite of the two though. "I had some doubts."

Andrew couldn't care less about that, but Neil's a different story. Defiantly, Andrew silences his boyfriend before he can even go on his tirade by shoving the lemonade back into his hands.

An acceptable sacrifice; Neil's aware they don't seem like the stereotypical couple, but he hates having his feelings doubted.

He hates it even more when people doubt Andrew's, and Andrew pushes the thought of Katelyn's suspicious expression at Eden's out of his mind.

What other people assume about him is not his problem.

"Why didn't you just buy him his own lemonade?" Alvarez asks, her eyes flicking over Neil's expression. He's calming down, but the aggravation is there. Guess not all the Trojans are oblivious.

Andrew takes the bait for what it is, no energy to be contrary.

"Neil doesn't need that much energy, and he'll drink mine no matter what because he's annoying," Andrew says, and sure enough, he hears the slurp behind him, an alert that Neil basically sucked down the rest of his drink.

One down, several to go.

"It's true, I am," Neil chimes in at that, refreshed. It's then he actually seems to pay attention, scanning the girls from head to toe. "Why are you guys all wet?"

Laila claps a hand over Alvarez's wolfish grin before she can even respond to that, and Andrew is glad. He really didn't want to hear it.

At least Neil would get the joke this time.

"Splash Mountain," Laila replies hastily, like they have any clue what it is. "Horrible build-up, decent pay-off. Jean hates it though so it's the best way to make sure we don't run into them."

At her own words, she checks behind her, like Jeremy Knox can appear at the mere mention of his not-boyfriend.

They probably shouldn't stay in the same place too long.

"Outside Star Wars anyways," Alvarez adds, prying Laila's hand off her mouth for .2 seconds.

"Hush, he'll hear you!"

Then, Alvarez must lick her girlfriend's hand, because the goalie retches away with a disgusted yelp. "Hey! Gross!"

"Wow, you don't love me."

It's punctuated with giggles, and Andrew stuffs his hands in his pockets; why that word decides to plague him today, he's not sure. He wouldn't say the girls act as useless as Katelyn and Aaron do, but their dynamic is still distinct.

Affectionate.

Andrew turns his hard stare at the ground. No, no. It's still not right.

Neil, oblivious to Andrew's plight, squints at the empty space where Jean and Jeremy should be. "Wait...you guys ditched them too? Why?"

"They had the same idea as us," Andrew mutters, but Neil's lightbulb still hasn't gone off.

Laila's grin is as sardonic as it gets. "Ah, so you noticed?"

Andrew doesn't respond. He's steadily reaching his word quota.

Knowing the only chance of Andrew saying anything is by asking himself, Neil turns to him, too searching. "Noticed what?"

And oh, Andrew can't avoid talking about it after all, can he? He's not sure why he doesn't want to, there hasn't been much cause for concern with Neil lately. Not for months. Maybe not ever, but Andrew had been in denial there for a while.

Perhaps Andrew just hates being in this limbo, where he doesn't even know how he feels about a topic yet. It's happened before, but it's no less disconcerting than the other times. The jealousy, the concept of understanding, their first time...

His mind, a traitor, reminds him none of those situations ended horrifically.

"Moreau is in love with his captain," Andrew mutters, and watches the moment Neil blanches. No stopping the floodgates now. "Original."

Something in Neil's gaze twitches. Andrew's hasn't seen the look before, but it's surely not good for him or his pulse. Andrew turns his stare to the ice cream cart in the distance, but his sweet tooth is done for the day.

Another unfortunate reality.

"God, so they really are that bad," Laila groans. "For a second there, we thought it might just be us."

Alvarez scoffs, crossing her arms and putting all her weight on Laila. It must be a common occurrence; Laila huffs, but makes no move to push her away.

"We've been trying to get them together for ages," Alvarez continues, twirling her finger around like a never ending cycle. "We ditch them literally every single time in the hopes they finally have their moment."

Both their expressions fall then, truly defeated. Laila sounds at her wit's end, and Andrew feels little sympathy. "But, no such luck."

Andrew can't even begin to pick apart how uselessly optimistic that is when idiots are concerned, but Alvarez seems to be tracking his every movement for some type of reaction. He should've never said anything, but she'll learn soon enough; he's not an easy read, despite a hot-headed outlier.

Neil blinks at them, a complex math problem with cliche romantic plots instead of numbers. "They're...into each other?"

The look he gets from the girls is similar to the pitying ones he gets from Allison whenever he says something particularly misguided about fashion.

Laila puts her hand on Neil's shoulder, patting him slowly. "Oh Josten, your face right now tells me all I need to know about you."

Then, the double shot of pity is poured right down Andrew's throat.

"You got an oblivious one too huh?" Laila says wryly, and Alvarez chokes.

"Hey."

Andrew won't dignify that with a response, but he figures it's obvious anyways.

Laila snorts, tugging on Alvarez's ear lobe. "But yeah, Jean totally wants to husband Jeremy. It's so painful. Disneyland is supposed to be romantic, but--"

Alvarez finishes the thought with a fart noise. Andrew's not sure why he speaks up, the conversation is so beneath him, and he blames Bee. He never used to talk so much before he realized that it actually helped his mind move down the endless river.

"Movie moments like that will never happen," Andrew says, nothing condescending or dismissive about it. It's the truth; he learned long ago that the grand gestures people expected seldom come to fruition. They could sit Jean and Jeremy at the table for two with violins playing around them and it most likely wouldn't do any good.

People won't do anything until they're ready to acknowledge how they feel, and even then they might not. Andrew never thought that was such a bad thing; shutting down a feeling, weighing the pros and cons of a decision until ultimately trying to be rid of it.

It was better that way.

He knows though, had he never let that go, he wouldn't have Neil next to him.

He also knows Bee would call that a good thing, the release of a way of thinking that he's yet to acknowledge as completely outdated.

None of that realization shows on his face.

"You sure sound fun," Alvarez mutters, but she's smiling in a way Andrew hates.

"Andrew's the funnest person I know," Neil adds, unhelpfully adding to the upbeat of Andrew's heart. If Neil could stop ruining the English language on purpose that would be great.

The girls wait for Neil to reveal it as a joke, but seconds of Neil's blank stare kill any chance of laughter.

No, Neil is completely serious. And maybe he's right, after all the good Trojan captain himself did call Andrew a riot.

Laila purses her lips after a moment. "Right..."

"Anyways, you better get a move on if you don't want to continue enjoying your date," Alvarez says, glancing behind her suspiciously while checking her watch. Laila's hand entangles in her girlfriend's, and Andrew notices the charm bracelet there. He wonders if it's a gift from Alvarez.

He's seen a similar, custom one on Katelyn's wrist for the longest time. He's about to ask himself why people are so obsessed with buying jewelry, before realizing he's in the same boat.

When did he come to permit this?

Ugh. He's not running around that particular race track again. "It's not--"

"We're going to go get drinks in the Star Wars cantina," Alvarez interrupts, hastily beginning to tug her girlfriend in that direction. Guess it's later than she thought. "Jeremy will come this way soon. He has a very specific itinerary."

Of course he does.

"Any...slow ride suggestions?" Neil asks before they go, and Alvarez squeaks when she runs right into Laila's strong back. Neil steadfastly ignores the glare Andrew sends him, though if they do have to go on more rides, Andrew would prefer something smooth.

The Matterhorn can burn.

"There's the storybook ride?" Laila says, pointing behind them down the path. "Or It's a Small World?"

Alvarez huffs. "There's a joke there somewhere..."

Andrew doesn't mean for it to happen, but his memory is a steel trap, with a layer of unpredictability wrapped around it. He can't stop it, can't turn it off. For the briefest of moments it brings him the image of a homely kitchen in California, his fingers tracing the carvings in the table while he watches Cass cook dinner. It smells good; he remembers. Of course he remembers, the dish, the ingredients, down to the stains on the tile and which cabinets were open.

The song Cass hummed from between her lips.

He'd never heard the real song, never cared to look it up online or search up the ride itself. But he knows the name, knows the tune.

"What's that?" Neil asks, and whether he means to or not, his voice pulls Andrew out of it. Not even just that...Neil has a way of firmly planting Andrew in this new reality he's forged and tailored.

For the better, Bee's voice reminds him.

Laila smiles, no doubt connecting the ride to memories of her own. Happier, softer memories. Andrew could have those too, if he wanted. It would just take some revision, overwriting. "It's just a boat ride, and it kills time for sure."

Just a boat ride. That's all.

Neil nods, turning to Andrew while the girls walk away. It's getting later; Andrew can tell by how blue Neil's eyes get, highlighted by the darkness. They're haunting in a way, like the unexplored bottom of the ocean. Horrific things lurk in the depths, but there's something pleasant about them too, calming in their mystery. Maybe because to Andrew, and only Andrew, it's familiar territory. Andrew has never felt that level of ease from something, but Neil's stupid expression is too soft when he speaks. "How about it?"

How about it? Hm.

Andrew looks off into the direction Laila pointed in, debating on if he should put himself through that. Is he ready to put himself through that?

He could take this step, he reasons. He could try to overpower the terrible memory with one of Neil, with the feeling of his weight beside him. Is it worth it? Will it work?

No, he can't think of it like that.

It won't erase anything; Andrew's not so naive to think he will ever be rid of the image in his head, the sound of Cass's voice. But...maybe he could make the crystal clear image blurrier, faded around the edges until his mind wavers, until he can no longer make out the scenes as well as before. Instead, his brain will default to Neil in the future. Whenever he hears the cheery tune, Andrew will think of his stupid headband and sugar-kissed lips.

Stronger, sturdier memories.

He's allowed Neil to implant them before, and it hasn't backfired. The process is not always easy, or without pain, but it's been worth it every time. Andrew sees no reason to mess with a working strategy.

Andrew grabs Neil's wrist, the firmest contact they've had all day, and something in him sighs at the same time Neil does.

He leads the way.

--

As soon as Andrew hears the tune as they enter the tunnel, he wonders if he made a mistake. Not because of the memory, though that's definitely there. No, it's the tune itself.

The music is loud, repetitive, with no lull. He's not sure how someone can work on this ride and not quit immediately. He should've expected it though, so the blame is on himself. It won't be over anytime soon either. The boat they're in is moving at an agonizing speed, but it's a relief for his back. The slow glide makes him painfully aware of the soreness in his legs, the heaviness of his eyelids.

The spotlights are pointing at the monuments and walls, leaving the riders in the shadows. If Andrew squints, the people in the boats ahead of him look like nothing more than silhouettes for the briefest of moments. Unreal, specters.

The song continues, and Andrew reevaluates. It's too late to get off the ride, and the song might be called fitting; there's a weird eeriness to it, along with the surreal feeling of the park noises being completely blocked out. It's silent, for being so loud, so irritating. But after a while he's sure he'd become numb to it, and then what would be left?

All he can hear other than the singing is the gentle slosh of the water and the occasional hushed voices of the people in front of them. Like the wind. He feels like a ghost on the ride, wispy and drifting in and out of centuries. The tune is ageless, has probably been around for decades, long before Cass started to hum it.

Somehow, it's a comfort. Cass had been insignificant, another way to separate her memory from the ride itself.

Some of the tension leaks out of his shoulders, and having Neil beside him lessens it further. There are two free seat rows in front of them; the line hadn't been too long at this time of day, and Andrew feels an inkling of gratefulness.

It's the closest thing to privacy they've had all day, he realizes, and some of the fuzziness from earlier dissipates. The static in his brain has had time to even and sizzle out; it's taken hours for him to get to this point, but when Neil lets a quiet 'yes or no' pass between them, the answer is easy. Certain.

Andrew pulls Neil against him, and Neil follows it up by entangling their fingers together. He hardly hesitates anymore, doesn't treat the gesture like something with an expiration date. Andrew privately thought it would be the case, but...he's yet to be tired of it.

It's not so rare anymore, holding Neil's hand.

They pass the first display of dancing puppets, just as the song repeats 'it's a small world after all' through the speakers. Andrew can feel Neil's wry smile before he sees it. "It really is a--"

"Finish that joke I'll kill you."

Neil throws his head back in the first sign of genuine joy from a ride, and Andrew thinks this is already better than anything else they'd previously done. It's less intensive, with just enough chaotic energy to appeal to Neil's sense of humor.

They're not the type of people usually caught dead on these kinds of rides, but the creepiness feels warmer than any of the other joyful displays Disneyland had to offer. Neil's laugh echoes off the high ceilings, and he smothers it quickly.

But Andrew's mind remembers, and he plays the cut off sound on a loop far more intense than the tune of the ride itself. He mixes them together, until they can't be pried apart.

When they pass the German section of the song, Neil looks at him expectantly, and the look Andrew gives him is unimpressed. Mischief dances in his boyfriend's eyes anyways, and again, it's not cute. It's not like Andrew is going to suddenly start singing along just because it's in German. Though, Neil's reaction might be worth it.

Neil critiques the lyric translation anyways, like it's not the simplest song to mass produce.

"This isn't so bad," Neil sighs as they pass under another archway to a different section of the very small world. His finger is starting to tap along on the back of Andrew's hand, and he's not sure if he should put an end to it before it gets stuck in Neil's head. Then he'd have to hear Neil humming it over and over, and while not as traumatic, there's only so much Andrew can take.

"Other people would probably call it torture," Andrew says, gesturing to the lifeless faces of the puppets. He wonders if there's any conspiracies about this ride online, he's sure Neil would get some morbid kick out of them.

"Wimps," Neil replies haughtily, and no, Andrew's pulse does not jump. “I’m a torture connoisseur.”

He bastardizes the word so bad Andrew almost feels bad for France. Almost. When did Neil start thinking he was funny?

"That's not even remotely how you say it." Andrew untangles their hands purely for the purpose of flicking Neil's earlobe. Neil grabs for it again as soon as the punishment is doled out.

Junkie. "You speak that language..."

But Andrew's accusations mean nothing to Neil, per usual.

"I'm dumb remember?" Neil reminds with a shrug, and Andrew grits his teeth. He's still unsure how he feels about this; Neil's mind is vast when it comes to a lot of things. Languages, math, world knowledge, how to kill a man, basic things.

But otherwise...the ignorance can be...

Attractive.

Andrew almost gets off the boat from admitting it to himself. Dumb jocks with runner's hearts is a type he guesses, and it happens to be his.

Or, scratch that. Neil can't possibly fall into a group. Had more than one Neil existed, the mafia would've surely met their demise as a whole through a combination of violence and general dumbassery.

"You milk it on purpose," Andrew decides to say, because Neil does. Because no, Neil's far from dumb, he just knows what gets under Andrew's skin.

Neil chooses not to respond to that, predictably.

"It's just not as bad as I expected," Neil continues, leaning his head against Andrew's shoulder. He gives a long sigh, and Andrew's sure it can't be comfortable. As at ease as he is in Neil's presence, there's always a hardness there, a tension coiled in his body. Yet, Neil leans into him like a pillow and seems to cherish the steadiness.

For a while, they just listen to the song.

Andrew's not quite sure if he agrees with the message, but he doesn't care in the moment. He's come to acknowledge lately that he shares quite a bit with other people, much to his chagrin. Though in the grand scheme of things, he's eons away from them all.

Primarily, he doesn't like to think he could replicate this...feeling, whatever it is.

Certainly not enough to assign an overused word to, one stamped onto every relationship like a barcode. 'I love you.'

He's never admired the words when other people used them. Is that fair, he wonders. Does it matter? He's stuck between a rock and a hard place; the need to be contrary itches at him. He shouldn't want to feel that way, shouldn't have to label this feeling as love...

And it doesn't feel right anyways.

He does not want to fit an insincere mold, but he doubts he and Neil ever could. They never have. This would not be so easily destroyed, toppled.

They simply share too much, and Andrew thinks back to his goal of replacing every bad memory with Neil. That's not an accident, or a desperate quick fix. That instinct is there for a reason...

Cass. Funny how his two separate problems seem to come together. Cass is an appropriate example. Andrew knows, better than anyone, that she hadn't loved him in Katelyn's definition, if that's what love even is. If love can be broken down like that, if it's real. Devotion, consideration, loyalty.

Andrew sighs; he can't go that deep into it. It's too much, bogged down by layers and layers of terrible experiences that have only just begun to be pushed aside like weeds. Never ripped out. The roots have taken hold, but they're withering.

Maybe it's because he's so tired of thinking about it that the words come out. He peers down at Neil against him, at the top of his head where the auburn curls are so within reach, and confesses to Neil's crown. He doesn't blame the need to admit things to Neil as influenced by love, it can't possibly be so contained. He just...something pushes him to work this out. "Cass would hum this, every now and again."

Andrew's not sure what he wants the reaction to be, but when Neil responds, Andrew's soul relaxes, so it must be what he needed. Neil goes rigid within an instant, robbed of the peace afforded them. Andrew didn't mean to throw it into their quiet bubble, but he doesn't regret it. These things aren't inconvenient. Andrew gives these pieces of information to Neil now, like he always has. Willingly, and they're received in kind.

Neil shoots up, eyes frantic when they meet Andrew's. He sees so many things in those blue eyes: rage at Cass, concern for Andrew, and things Andrew didn't ask for but will receive for as long as Neil is here. Neil looks frantic, and two seconds away from dragging them as far away from this place as possible.

Neil's voice is a whisper, sharp and desperate. "Why did you--"

Why indeed? Why come on this ride?

Andrew's puts all his boyfriend's worry and guilt into an early grave.

"I hate having her in my brain," he answers, and knows it's not an excuse. Being on this ride is far from traumatic, more therapeutic than anything, but he almost recoils. He's only ever admitted those things aloud, the pent up resentment and anger, in the privacy of Bee's office. Even then, it's pulling teeth. For so long he framed his time with Cass as the only blip of light in his life. But it had come with a price, and Andrew knows now it hadn't been remotely worth it. For so long he tried to protect that outlook, but now he wants it stained, blacked out. He just never knew it would be so hard to blot it out with his own hand.

And if that was not love...

Neil flinches, but Andrew keeps going, daring him to say something. He needs Neil to know he's serious, so he makes it personal, shared. "You're the obnoxious one, telling me to overwrite things all the time. That's what this is."

That's why I'm okay with this. It's you.

Andrew can see the moment Neil remembers; they'd been sitting on the roof, and Neil had asked him to only remember the good things, even if for just a moment. Andrew's not the best at employing this, and sometimes he vehemently denies the ability to do so, but not with this. Not today.

That feeling cannot be replicated; Andrew turns the idea in his head again and again, never getting closer.

But one thing is certain...

Neil's expression softens, and Andrew squeezes his hand before he flicks a look up at the bright orange monstrosity on Neil's head. "Now, this ride will just remind me of how terrible that headband is," he says, and Neil should at least be able to read between those lines. "Nothing else will come first."

I will latch onto you instead. Andrew never wanted that before, to cling to some idealized outlook again. But Neil is not that; Neil is painfully real. Sometimes he misinterprets, other times he keeps too much to himself. But at the end of the day, Andrew trusts him to do whatever it takes to remain by his side for as long as he chooses to be there.

Andrew is the same way; he can't go back to how it was before.

Andrew's not paying attention to the displays around them anymore, but he can feel his mind melding the images and the tune together with Neil's expression. Open, vulnerable, welcome.

Neil sighs a moment later, muscles relaxing. Not once does his hold on Andrew loosen, but he knows better than to pry about Andrew's past. Andrew has made it clear; this moment is not about an old memory.

Neil leans back, moving further into Andrew's space. "Mm, should I say something else annoying, make the moment stronger?"

And ah, back to normal already are we?

Andrew flicks the back of Neil's hand. "You just did."

He'll log that away too, as aggravating as it is.

"Yeah..." Neil breathes out with a laugh, his thumb rubbing small circles into Andrew's skin. Physical touch, muscle memory...Andrew needs all of it for this to work. He gladly focuses on that while Neil thinks; Andrew can tell solely from the crease in his brow the striker has more on his mind.

Neil's not necessarily like Andrew, he won't keep these things to himself for prideful reasons. He needs to let them out, or they will eat him up.

He's bad at hiding it too.

"Hey Andrew," Neil says eventually, and Andrew's ready for the words before they're even in the air between them. He'd been expecting this, dreading it, but not okay with putting it off any longer. He needs Neil's help, unfortunately, to piece it all together. "You said Jean was in love with Jeremy."

One day if life is especially cruel, and Andrew outlives Neil, he will make it his mission to pick the man's brain. Something in that stubborn subconscious always seems to anticipate the winding roads Andrew is currently stuck on, even when Neil actually has zero clue.

He's not so upset by this anymore.

Carefully, Andrew turns Neil's palm over to trace the heart lines. If he put them on a map, would they cross through all the places Neil's been? "I did say that."

And he's been re-thinking about if it's true. Who knows if Jean and Jeremy are actually in love. As much as he likes to compare them to his brother's and Katelyn's nauseating displays, affectionate looks and blushing cheeks can't be all there is to it.

Andrew had been stupid to chalk it up to just that. Not even Katelyn would've. And if that's the case, Andrew might never be convinced of Jeremy and Jean's feelings. Attraction sure, but he doesn't care enough to dig deeper.

There's not an equation to test levels of protectiveness, or comfort, in order to determine an abstract and troublesome thing like love. And why would he need to test his own feelings against such a thing anyways? He knows...he knows this is something he will keep for as long as he can.

"I thought you didn't use that word," Neil offers when Andrew is quiet for too long, debating on the best angle to attack this from. Neil tends to do that, when Andrew himself hasn't figured things out yet. If he poses questions that open up other doors, it clears the mess away. He notes how Neil says 'doesn't use' instead of 'doesn't like' or 'hates,' because it's true. Andrew isn't repulsed by the word, just annoyed with it and all its aspects. He does not get it.

It's like he told Katelyn...

"I don't, but only because it's untrustworthy," Andrew replies, rubbing the back of his neck. He's not making sense, not even to himself. He's simply trying to see if he's open to the idea of throwing out his old opinion, the one where the concept of love is something twisted beyond recognition. Fake. Overly reproduced.

It's far more difficult a feat than simply overwriting a bad memory. This feels more invasive, but Andrew knows he wouldn't be thinking about it if there wasn't something important lodged beneath.

Neil squints, unaware of Andrew's turmoil. "So you were insulting them?"

The game show buzzer in Andrew's head rings; nope, that's not it.

"I was applying Mrs. Minyard's definition..." Andrew tries not to sound too bitter. The whole reason he even let this issue cling to him is because of Katelyn. She's the worst.

"Katelyn?" Neil asks, but doesn't question further after Andrew nods. Andrew assumes he's used to this, and it's entirely likely he's had a similar conversation with Katelyn. Andrew won't think about that either.

Neil nods. "Okay well, do you care if they figure it out?"

Again, Neil strikes out, but it helps Andrew to eliminate the background noise in his head.

"No, it makes no difference to me," he says. He couldn't care less what becomes of Moreau's romantic life. "Though it would be annoying if we have to do this again."

Another forced outing surrounded by dense morons...

Andrew's had to deal with enough obliviousness.

Neil smirks. "You know, Kevin might flip out if they get together."

Ah, another rare pro...

Neil leans away, regarding Andrew like he's taken on a new sleuth role. He rubs his chin too, to add to the drama of it. Maybe Andrew should get him a monocle, if he's going to be this much of a fuck. "So...if you don't care if they realize it, why think about it at all? I'll be honest, I didn't think you'd care about something like this."

Andrew's not quite sure why or if he does either. It doesn't have to be a thing that applies to them, if he doesn't want it to be.

Their this is unique. Andrew had been so resistant to using the word 'love' because it had been spit on and turned to bile, misused by people throughout his life. But in doing so, he ignored the times people used it genuinely. In the past, he would've contested that. He would've said it was never genuine, never earned. The commercialized concept wasn't something he'd let himself have in common with others.

But lately, Andrew finds that having some things in common with certain people isn't reprehensible. And in this case...

Aaron's voice comes barreling through his head, steering Andrew to destinations he couldn't find before. And well, now he knows why his brain can't let go of Aaron and Katelyn as his go to example.

"Our feelings for them are the same."

Yes. Andrew had slowly begun to accept that. Maybe that's why his brain wouldn't write off Katelyn's words so easily.

Begrudgingly, Andrew admits there's a lot more to his brother's relationship than pure affection, even when most of it is behind closed doors. Katelyn had been there through the worst parts of Aaron's college life, and she'd never once judged him or ignored the ugliest bits. Not even when he hated her, could Andrew look past those things. They meet her own definition, and Andrew's simply choosing to extend some trust to his brother. Aaron says he's in love, so Andrew believes him even when he doesn't believe in the feeling's history, in the way it's manipulated.

And well, if his feelings are the same...

Well, he guesses he can try to accept that too.

"I was testing it," Andrew answers, without much struggle. Katelyn's definition, any definition. Andrew looks at Neil straight on then, and the striker's grin fades. Something crosses over those eyes, like for once Andrew is ahead of him. "Love. I think I'm trying to decide if I...want to say it."

If I want to say 'I love you.' If it applies at all.

Not need, but want.

Is it something heavy, or is it something inconsequential?

It feels wrong, but Andrew knows he's reached the crux of his problem. This is where all his restlessness stemmed from, his observations about Jean and Jeremy, about the girls...

It had nothing to do with them, but everything to do with whether or not he'd ever want to have that in common with them.

He'd ignored the fact he most likely already does.

But the words...he never would've bothered before. They don't mean much, other than the weight society has put on them, and Andrew's never cared about that. He doesn't need them to know this is something sturdy in his life, and he doubts Neil needs them either.

It's more...this is another thing life took from them, took from Neil. They've never expected to regain everything; they never feel like life owes them.

It has nothing to do with that. It's just the same as with a lot of other instances; Andrew wants to give these things to Neil, because Neil is his.

Does there have to be some deeper explanation or justification for it? Even if there is, Andrew stops looking for it.

He waves off Neil's shocked expression, and doesn't ponder why it's there in the first place. He's been in the wrong before, assuming he's the only one who thinks about stuff like this. It's possible this has been on Neil's mind too, but that's not the point.

"I don't mean now, or anytime soon," Andrew corrects. No, no. He's not there yet, and it's not like it's some milestone they have to reach. Andrew doesn't like to think it could encompass how he feels, but maybe his biggest issue with this is that...he's not sure he hates the idea of it anymore. The word. One day, he might be able to say it and know it means a lot more than what other people think about it. And that would be enough. "But one day."

The shadows of the displays wash over Neil's expression, and Andrew can't pull anything out of it. Neil stares, hand still curled impossibly tight in Andrew's.

Andrew won't take back anything he said, but Neil's silence is beginning to unnerve him. He could have overstepped he realized, he should've asked for Neil's opinion at some point, weighed it against--

"You know, Aaron talked to me about this once," Neil offers finally. It's not what Andrew's expecting him to say. Then, Neil's face twitches, and Andrew can tell he's...holding back a smile. "That night you picked Katelyn up, we talked about...yeah."

Yeah.

Andrew knows the gist of what happened, Neil filled him in. Guess he didn't reveal all the details though.

Neil's laugh is a breathy, comforting thing this time. "He made me think about it. He asked if I loved you."

Neil smiles wryly, an expression he's begun to pair with Aaron lately. It's not a glare or scowl nearly as much anymore.

Andrew stills, but relaxes in the next second. They'd both been subject to the same thoughts after all, Andrew just didn't realize how similar the sources were. Aaron and Katelyn are menaces, and they don't even realize it.

Andrew doesn't feel nervous, or anxious. The way Neil feels about him is obnoxiously stone-like and unmovable at this point, as much as Andrew still sometimes tries to act like it's not. Neil won't say anything to make him doubt that.

"I said I did," Neil continues, like it's obvious. Andrew's pulse hiccups a little anyways. Stupid. "But I didn't know if I ever wanted to say it to you. It's more like...well obviously I do feel that way right? In the whatever—traditional sense."

Traditional. Ha.

He's not sure even Katelyn's definition is truly traditional in its selflessness.

Neil clears his throat, palm clammy in Andrew's own. Second by second, Andrew feels lighter. Neil's rambling is a strange salve, one more thing they have in common. Too much thinking, when the answer doesn't have to be so complex. Neil tries to glance away, but Andrew grabs his chin, keeping them face to face. He wants to have all this forever, every expression, every blink.

Neil swallows, but his smile stays, making a liar out of him before the words even leave his mouth. "But one word doesn't seem like enough, and if we did say it wouldn't it just be for other people's satisfaction? I don't need it to know you feel the same way..."

Andrew shakes his head in disbelief. Neil. Only Neil would expect that from Andrew. Andrew's mind exhales.

The convoluted mess of words echoes Andrew's own thoughts throughout the day, but it's never sounded clearer. No, it's true, one word will never be enough, but Andrew thinks if he could come to associate the word, the phrase, with this feeling, unique to them...

It wouldn't be so damaged anymore.

It would still be theirs, and no one else's. He'd have his own definition, to overwrite the rest.

"But even then..." Neil adds, quietly, his voice dancing with the song still playing around them. The lyrics are in English again, and Andrew knows the ride will end soon. Cass is barely a blip in his mind now, compared to Neil's words, the ones which mirror Andrew's. "I still thought it might be nice, one day, to say it. That doesn't make sense, does it?"

Logically no. All the contradictions, the back and forth...feelings are a strange thing and that's one reason Andrew's always hated them. There's no rhyme or reason, and there's two sides to each one. All justification is ruled out by one thing and one thing alone: 'I still want to.'

And in that sense, Neil's words make perfect sense.

But he can't confess all that; instead he cups Neil's face in his hands, smoothing over the scars like he always does. The roughness is a constant, familiar. "I hate you," he says, with no heat. It makes both of them blink, and Andrew realizes it's been a while since he said it. That too, has changed. But in this case, he thinks it's more than fair. He's feeling more than he possibly knows what to do with. "Yes or no?"

The fact he asks makes Neil snort; it's nostalgic, because...they don't ask as much these days. But Neil's 'yes' echoes loud and clear as they pass under the final archway, and for the first time all day, their lips meet. Neil sighs into him, his hands coming up to rest over Andrew's, breathing in the unspoken promise.

Nothing was decided, nothing fleshed out. But it didn't have to be.

One day, maybe.

They're both more than okay with that. Besides, Andrew did always say proof meant more than words.

And he has mountains of it to last in the meantime.

With only a little annoyance, Andrew admits he fell into the trap without meaning to; they shared a kiss at Disneyland.

Andrew pulls away as the sunlight begins to pour over them, and he squints, already missing the ride. Quiet it was not, but not as bad as the sounds and size of the crowd. If he ever does have to come back, he knows it will be a place to stop.

It makes him think of Neil, first and foremost, and he's long since stopped denying himself that.

Neil tries to help Andrew out of the boat, but Andrew swats him away for being a shit. He doesn't need help. As revenge, Neil smirks at him once they're walking down the exit path, adjusting his ears just to be even more irritating. Not cute. "Wait, so this means you admit Katelyn and Aaron are in love. Can I tell them?"

Andrew rolls his eyes, and Neil laughs. He'll never live that one down, and if Neil wants to survive he'll keep it to himself.

Mockery aside, Neil links their hands together, and Andrew pushes his face away before accepting the touch. Neil hasn't stopped smiling.

"Something to say Neil?" He says with a glare, and though he knows it's a joke at best, it makes that obnoxious warmth in him surge.

Neil smiles wider, dragging Andrew down the path with no idea where he's going. Andrew lets him.

"No," Neil throws behind him, humor lacing his tone. Gradually, the corner of Andrew's mouth twitches. "Not at all."

--

"Andrew! Neil!" Jeremy's voice booms from across the pavilion, and they both freeze in their analysis of where the best hiding spot would be in the entire park (Andrew is making a case for Toontown, but puts a pin in it).

Their time alone is officially over.

"Shit," Neil mutters, hand still linked in Andrew's. Normally at the sight of people they know, he'd pull away for Andrew's comfort, but Andrew keeps his grip firm.

He wants this today. Neil beams, sighing at the rest of the group's advance. It must be twice as sad now, since Neil knows.

Jeremy and Jean follow with the girls in tow, and as they get closer Andrew can see Laila's resigned smile. She and Alvarez have been caught too, despite their best efforts, and Andrew can tell nothing has changed.

The 'magical moment' they'd tried to pull out of Jean and Jeremy didn't happen, just like Andrew knew it wouldn't. Regardless, they're as hopeless as ever.

Jean trails close after Jeremy, eyes scanning his strong back while Jeremy keeps looking to make sure he's following. They're still dancing around one another, oblivious, but that's their own problem to sort out.

Still...there's a shift in Jean's features that wasn't there before, and Andrew is all too happy to wither it away with a glare.

He's accepting, not forgiving.

Whatever realizations Jean came to today have no other impact on Andrew other than an urge to get as far away as possible from it.

But there's hours to go.

Hours more to go, with Neil's hand in his. The striker throws a knowing grin back at him before pulling him forward, probably dead set on meddling as much as possible.

With the promise of 'one day' still fizzing strong in his chest, Andrew follows.

There's no more memories of this place to overwrite, so he has no choice but to crack open the door a little for some new ones.

That, at least, he can handle.

#andreil #aftg #all for the game #andrew minyard #neil josten

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King: A Summary – The Plot Twist King

Shocks and revelations! Sassfests! Backstory awesomeness! Team spirit! The Josten Glow Up™! Me losing my shit! But most importantly – plot.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to sum up The Raven King.

In 2013, now-renowned author Nora Sakavic blessed us with The Raven King, book two of the All For The Game trilogy. In this second installment of orange gay sporty murder shit, ex-runaway, part-time sassmaster, and all-time Exy nerd Neil Josten meets the Edgar Allan Ravens, a team that is exactly as dark and fucked-up as their completely unsubtle name suggests.

Especially Neil has reason to fear them: Star player Riko Moriyama, also known as That Fucker™, and his father Tetsuji are Neil's crime lord father's crime lord bosses and are exactly 0% fooled by his runaway act. However, as Neil is a 100% impulsive savage sassmaster, he consistently picks fights with them anyways, which Riko repays by revealing his true identity to Kevin.

But that's not all there is. Just when the Foxes' start to form some actual team spirit and real friendships, our heroes experience the shock of the century: At the Hemmick's family Thanksgiving, goalie, snarkmaster and court-approved maniac Andrew Minyard is raped by his long-time childhood abuser Drake. In his brother’s defense, Aaron rushes in and kills Drake - a ruse set up by Riko Moriyama.

In order to free his boyfriend teammate from the Moriyama-bribed doctors Andrew was sent to for rehab, Neil agrees to spend Christmas with the Ravens, which is exactly Not A Fun Time. There, he is tortured, abused, cut, burnt, tattooed against his will and generally made to look as if he had a fun encounter with a meat chopper. Bruised and beaten, Neil returns home to his Fox family and swears everlasting vengeance on The Raven Fuckers.

And that’s The Raven King for you.

Did I like it? Hell fucking yes.

Did I prefer it to the first book? Hell fucking yes.

Seriously, The Foxhole Court was wonderful, all good things in there, all the exposition a girl could want, but The Raven King was where shit finally, finally started going down.

There was PLOT. There were brain-mushing twists and jaw-dropping revelations, breath-stopping shocks and heart-clenching emotional moments galore.

This, as predicted last time, was the book where the arc of suspense picks up speed. It’s a basic - but effective - trilogy setup: The first book sets the scene, introduces the theme and the characters and gets the reader invested in the story. The second book dishes out the truly gripping plot points, keeping the reader at it and paving the way for the big finale. Finally, the third book is where shit truly goes down: Here, the last big twists are revealed and everything culminates in an epic finale.

It is Every Trilogy Ever, and it works like a fucking charm.

Personal highlights of this book include, but are not limited to:

THE FALL BANQUET SASSFEST. EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. I will probably never shut up about this ever. "Dan, I said please" honestly ICONIC. 

"I don't think Riko likes me very much"

The second banquet, but for entirely different reasons - reasons being Neil's newfound guard dog attitude and my newfound tears

Renee’s backstory can I get a hell yeah

Nicky teaching Neil how to cellphone uhmmm sign me the eff up

THEY FINALLY HAVE TEAMWORK AND DO STUFF TOGETHER MY LITTLE HUFFLEPUFF HEART CAN'T HANDLE THIS

Thanksgiving. We don't talk about Thanksgiving but. Honestly that chapter.

The very last two chapters scared the crap out of me but honestly, they were so well-written and so amazing so suck it I'm including them here seriously they were so good

DADMACK

Same as last time, but updated: Opinions on characters!

Neil is still my son, but wow, introducing Son 2.0 in the Updated Version: Now featuring Facing Your Problems, Dealing With Shit and Actual Responsibility! With a guaranteed 20% less emo and 100% more awesome! Buy now, get one punch in the Raven jaw for free. No, seriously, Fearless Neil Josten is my favourite Neil Josten. He is right on the same level as Sassmaster McSavage Neil Josten, followed by Responsible Neil Josten, with Angsty Dramatic Runaway Neil Josten coming in last. (Sorry, book 1.)

Andrew has risen through the ranks of my favourites faster than mentos in a coke bottle. I LOVE HIM. Thanksgiving has cemented this. He is my small gay angry knife murder son and I will protect him five-fucking-ever. He is the main reason I am hella excited for TKM because Andrew!! Off!! His!! Meds!!! Imma pass out I'm so excited.

Kevin has definitely improved as well – the awesome 'I Have Adopted This Team And I Will Make Them Great, Suck My Dick Riko' scene, anyone?

Nicky has won back my heart for good by now - the Teaching Neil How To Phone Incident has definitely rid him of any and all past mistakes in my book. Also, he is the fuck precious and continues to bring sunshine into all our bleak lives. 

Aaron has gained mad, mad sympathy points in this book. He suddenly has a PERSONALITY, you guys. Also, the Thanksgiving incident. THE THANKSGIVING INCIDENT. Anyone hating on Aaron from this point on can fight me. Also Katelyn is an a+ cutiepie.

My opinions on Renee, Matt and Dan are pretty much the same as before, if heightened by the reveal of all of their awesome backstories. An ex-street gangster, an ex-junkie and an ex-stripper all loving and supporting each other and being their own family?? Sign me the fuck up.

The only one I'm still kind of 'meh' about is Allison. Where's her backstory. Pls. I want it.

Wymack, Abby and Betsy are the Fox Parent Triumvirate, my opinion on them hasn't changed either. Also Dadmack!

And my opinion on Riko and his bastard posse should be clear. Kind of split on Jean (he's a victim etc etc, still doesn't excuse him imo, but maybe he’ll become more likeable later), but that's about it.

Let's take a look at some predictions I made last time, shall we?

They’ll deal with Seth’s death – some better, some worse pretty much exactly sums it up, go me

The banquet thing will happen and it will be hella awkward and hilarious and something Super Dramatic And Important will happen OH MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD OH MY OH MY

Neil will master the Raven drills Kevin is making him do and it will be EPIC so he did pass them apparently, but I actually had to read back on this to be sure, sooo - no epicness. instead: heavier racquets! when will Kevin chill, the answer is never

Andreil will continue having Important Gay Moments™ uhmmm hECK YES lotsa andreil in this book, ya girl is happy

The “Kevin and Riko know Neil” situation will not be addressed (!) (I’m expecting that to be in the last book, near the final epic smackdown) GIRL YOU WERE EXPECTING WRONG BAHAHAHA

Neither will we meet Neil’s father (again, last book) ok I'm sticking with this tbh

However, we will meet Tetsuji and shit will go down oh hon

Also, we’ll meet some Ravens I suppose, since it is the Raven King after all "WE WILL MEET SOME RAVENS, I SUPPOSE" oh HON OH HON

We will find out Renee’s backstory y e e e s

We will find out something – if maybe not everything – about the Minyard-Hemmick backstory Y E E E E E E E E S oh dear

Some more kisses will happen. I don’t care who kisses whom. Probably not Andreil (yet). Let it be Abby and Wymack. Aaron and his irrelevant girlfriend. I don’t care. Give me kisses. excuse you, "irrelevant" psshh, but yeah that's the only kisses in this book :(

And because I don't learn from my mistakes, let's do this one last time - Shit I Think Will Happen In The Kings Men:

HANDS UP FOR CANON ANDREIL I'm sorry, I know this is happening, tumblr told me :/

Will they kiss tho?? Will they have actual love declarations?? Sexy times maybe even????? WHO KNOOOOOOWS

I will love the USC Trojans 1000% if they are huffy puffs I will love them

Someone's gotta die who are we kidding

Hopefully no one of our guys

We will finally get that sweet Allison backstory (come on girl don't let me down)

We will meet Neil's dad. This cannot not happen.

Some championship shit will happen in which the Foxes either a) win or b) don't win but The Real Prize Was The Friendships We Made Along The Way

Nicky's bullshit dad will get the court case he deserves (if this doesn't happen I'm the fuck quitting)

Cats are probably important somewhere

Phew. That's it for this book, then. As always, thank you guys are so much for sticking with me through this. You are the backbone, the spirit, the motivation of this blog. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

See you soon with the third - and final - book. I am not ready.

If you like what I do here and you want to help me continue writing (still working on that laptop), please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <33

#nicki reads tfc #aftg #tfc #trk #the raven king #the foxhole court #all for the game #two days late this time bc life is STRESS im sorry #come hmu in my ask box if you like these!!! #kinda unsure abt the format aha ha ha #ily all have a great day/evening/night

[luobingmeis]

hawk in the raven nest, chapter twenty-five

read on ao3

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The Directors forced Tetsuji into conferences for the rest of the day, and they took it upon themselves to cancel the Ravens’ evening practice, too. They said that they would return tomorrow with news about the fate of the Ravens, and only then could their practices continue as normal. Or however normal they could be after what had just happened.

But, with the newfound freedom of a day of no practices, no coach, and Riko locking himself in his own room, Nathaniel and Andrew found their way to the locker room.

“At least Riko won’t be able to knife us in our sleep,” Nathaniel, who was leaning against one of the lockers, said. “I still might barricade my door with a chair, though.”

Andrew, sitting next to him, nodded. “If Riko was smart, he wouldn’t try anything,” he said. “One wrong move and not only is he finished, but this team is.” He paused. “Fortunately, he’s not that smart.”

“You think we’re not finished after today?” Nathaniel asked, raising an eyebrow.

“A Division I school won’t get rid of their Class I National Champion Exy team in the middle of the season,” Andrew said. “If anything, consequences will be faced after Spring.”

Nathaniel nodded, looking at the lockers across from him. “I feel like this is everything that we have been waiting for,” he said. “People are finally finding out what goes on down here, Riko and Tetsuji are going to face long-needed consequences, Kevin is back on the court and doing well.” He sighed. “And yet nothing feels, well… good.”

“It’s because our work isn’t done,” Andrew replied. “A couple months ago, we just wanted this team to be over. But now, Riko has done his best to try to destroy all three of us, taking down Jean in the process. We’re not finished until Riko is out of the picture.”

Andrew didn’t have to say what he meant by that. They both knew the implications of getting on the wrong side of the Moriyamas.

“He’s scared,” Nathaniel said. “And with fear comes desperation. We have to get to him before he gets us. He’s losing the things that he thought were his and his only, and he’s not going to quit peacefully.” He paused, worrying his bottom lip. “We Ravens play like we have nothing else to live for, because, being honest, do we? Before all this-” he waved his hand in a weak gesture “-Before you, I just wanted to get out alive, in one piece or not. But now, I want to get out and have a life. We’re all going to be fighting to keep breathing, but we just have to fight harder than Riko. I’m willing to take him down single handedly if it means getting out of here with you.”

“I’m not your reason to live,” Andrew said.

“Maybe not, but you’re my reason to get out of here. If I was trying to do this alone, I would have given up already,” Nathaniel replied.

“You’re already alone,” Andrew said, looking ahead of him. “There is nothing between us, and you’re nothing.”

“Then being nothing, sitting next to you, is enough.” Andrew looked at him from the corner of his eye and Nathaniel gave him a small smile.

“Don’t look at me like that, idiot,” Andrew said and Nathaniel didn’t believe his harshness. “This conversation might make me vomit, so I have a question.”

“Ask away.”

“What was life like here before?” Andrew asked.

“Before we became actual Ravens?” Nathaniel said. “Well, when we were kids we were… not normal kids, because I don’t think any child would be considered normal after being either sold by their fathers or raised by a mafia, but we tried to live as kids would. Riko, if I’m remembering correctly, actually wasn’t an asshole when he was, like, seven, because I don’t really know if a seven year old, or someone around that age, could understand immeasurable power. We were all just... friends?” He paused, thinking back on the life that didn’t even look like it was once his. “It was different before Jean got here. Jean got here when he was about nine. Before that, it was obviously just me, Kevin, and Riko, and, actually, we were friends. We didn’t understand the differences in our upbringings and our futures. We were just kids who ran through the Nest -yes we lived in the same rooms we do now- and did as many Exy drills as a kid could handle. We even all drew the respective one, two, and three on each other each day with marker.

“But then Jean came here, and suddenly there were lines drawn. We were basically split into two groups: Kevin and Riko, and Jean and I, which is no surprise. Kevin and Riko were ten, we were nine, and I guess ten is the age a child can understand what power they wield over people? Or perhaps Tetsuji broke the news to Riko that he owned all three of us, but was expected to succeed with Kevin. We all practiced together, except Riko started to make it very clear that he and Kevin were the pivotal ones. He became a lot more controlling, dictating what we all did. We all never left each other's side really, but suddenly Riko could do without myself and Jean as long as he had Kevin there. Guess he realized then that only few people were necessary for his life. The rest were just temporary, a means to an end.

“He hit me for the first time when I was ten. We were having a four person scrimmage. Riko with myself as a backliner, Kevin with Jean, with clear shots on goal for each side. It meant nothing, Tetsuji wasn’t even watching it, but Riko still wanted to win.” Nathaniel huffed out a laugh. “He didn’t. I guess that was a precursor to now. But anyways, Riko blamed me for not stopping Kevin, and in the middle of court he hit me in the face and knocked me to the floor. I remember it not hurting too bad, but I was still shocked nonetheless.” He sighed. “That shock soon faded, because that was the start of Riko’s violence towards myself and Jean, except it grew worse and more painful each time. Riko realized the true power he had over us, and the fact that Tetsuji wouldn’t stop him unless it would be too public. Riko was able to hold onto that small sliver of control until April.” He ran a hand through his hair and lightly tugged at it. “So, yeah, that’s what life was before we were actual Ravens.”

Andrew nodded slowly. “Even back then, you never thought of hitting him back.”

It wasn’t a question.

“I didn’t,” Nathaniel said. “For the first few times, I was too shocked. Then, I knew it would be better if I just took it instead of fighting back.”

Andrew nodded again.

“Well,” Nathaniel said. “Now I have a question.”

“Of course you do.”

“Why do you hate the world ‘please’ so much?” It was a sudden topic change, but it was something he had been thinking about since Andrew said he hated the word.

“He told me that if I said it, he would stop,” Andrew’s answer came so naturally and so tonelessly that Nathaniel blinked as his mind put together pieces.

“You made yourself hate it,” he said, his voice only allowing quietness.

“I did,” Andrew said. “I believed him, I was seven, I said it a lot.”

“Oh,” was all that left Nathaniel’s mouth. He could feel guilt and discomfort creeping up his spine.

“You asked,” Andrew said, shooting him a look. “Don’t act sorry about it.”

Nathaniel decided to change subjects. “I have another question.”

“You’re pushing your limits, Wesninski.” A pause. “What is it?”

“What were you like before here?” He asked. “You were on meds.”

“I was,” Andrew said. “Also, living with Nicky and Aaron in Columbia.”

“I feel like there’s more to that answer,” Nathaniel said, most definitely pushing it.

“The meds weren’t the right ones,” Andrew said, taking the conversation to a different place than Nathaniel expected. “No one saw, and I didn’t care.”

Nathaniel furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean the meds weren’t right?”

“Meaning that they weren’t the right meds for me,” Andrew said. “I almost killed the four men that attacked Nicky outside of a club. Instead of going to jail, I was put on court mandated medication. I know you’re smart enough to know that drugs that make someone who committed an act of violence more erratic and violent aren’t the right meds.”

“And you didn’t tell anybody.”

“I didn’t care,” Andrew repeated, not pointing out that Nathaniel made him repeat himself. “I didn’t care about myself and I didn’t care what people thought of me. No one noticed, so I didn’t say anything.”

Nathaniel thought of the people Andrew saw while he was medicated. He was in his senior year of highschool, seeing peers and teachers every day. He lived with his cousin and his brother, who both had met him before he was on meds. And yet, no one had bothered to notice that Andrew’s medication wasn’t working for him.

“We’re done with this conversation,” Andrew said, a warning from him to not push anymore. Nathaniel nodded and turned his gaze from Andrew to the black lockers in front of him.

An hour after they returned to the Nest, the Directors came back into the lounge to inform that no major decisions would be made until their season ended, but that they were standing on ice so thin it was ready to crack.

#andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil #aftg #tfc #stuff i write #hawk in the raven nest

[sadboyayeron]

Tapping at my Chamber Door Chapter 2 (AFTG Fic)

<Chapter 1

Niko was used to being woken up in the morning by yelling.  Whether it was from outside or by his foster siblings in the other room.  His foster mother never bothered to get him up in the morning for school before or anything in general, that was on him.  She did remind him to take his medication though.

“Wake up boy your social worker is here.”  She yanked his thin blanket from his body.  What?  Why would his social worker be here, he didn't have to see her until the end of the month.  She grabbed his arm harshly pulling him out of the bed.  She told him to get his cloths on and to “Cover up.”  He dressed in a black long sleeved and his slightly baggy jeans that had wrips at the knees.  He pulled on some socks and went to brush his teeth and wash his face quickly.  Once he was done his foster mother Kris was holding out a pill and his only pair of shoes at her side in the other hand.  He scrunched up his nose in distase but nun the less he took the pill avoiding a potential back hand from Kris.

“Alright he is this way.”  She put her hand on his shoulder moving him to the front even though he was perfectly capable of walking there on his own. Wait, He?  Definitely was a he.  There was a tall man with black glasses and a suit lookin’ like he came right out of men in black. 

“Nikoshi Doe,” I shook my head. He gestured for me to follow him out the door and Kris handed mw my shoes and all but shoved me towards him. “Your moving homes, your foster mother already put your things in a bag.”  It was a trash bag to be more specific and it was sitting just outside.  He grabbed it after putting on his shoes and continued to follow the man to the shiny black car.  The supposed social worker opened up the back seat door and told him to get in.

“Your not my Social worker.”  Niko said going right in the car.

“There off today.”  The man said then shut the door after Niko got his trash bag fully into the car.  The man rounded the other side and started the engine.  Niko knew exactly were he was going once he notice the familiar road they got on.  Children's Aid wasn't far from were he was living before.  

“Get out.”  The man opened his door once he had parked. When they were outside he was taken to the Foster care service building.  He liked the people there, they were always nice to him and would play with him.  Their the ones who got him on a soccer team from South bronx United.  He didn’t really like soccer because he never really made friends while playing.  He was always the new kid and stayed to himself most of the time.  He knew he was good though, being fast helped a lot.  The man took him down a hallway towards an area that was only slightly familiar.  He told Niko to sit in the chair that was in front of the door.  Apparently he was waiting for his new guardian to come pick him up, but first they had to talk to some people.

After a while, he doesn't really know when he started to zone out, three people were walking towards him.  Two of them were pretty short, he was almost as tall as the blond one.  The tall guy had dark glasses on like the social worker.  They looked oddly familiar he just couldn't think of a reason why.  He made eye contact with the slightly taller red head with the hood and quickly looked away, he didn’t want to get caught grilling people.  A lady came out of the door he was sitting in front of and look towards the people walking towards them and then at Niko.  She smiled at him.

“How are you Nikoshi.”  The men stopped walking, he could feel them looking at him.  He paused not really knowing how to answer that question.  The medication kicked in little while ago so he was feeling Kinda out of it with nothing to focus on.  He hated how the meds made him feel.

“Fine,” he answered because he know thats what she wanted to hear even if she looked disappointed by his vague answer.  He heard one of the men snort and then her attention was back on them.  She ushered them into her office and then looked back at Niko.

“Once we are finished talking you will be able to leave.”  She smiled again squinting her eyes and then closing the door.  He huffed and went back to focusing on his hands.

Kevin didn't realize how long he was staring at the image on his phone.  Comparing it to his dead friend Teamate that he still had night terrors about and searching for anything that was different.  He stared so long he felt the phone leave his hand but instead of hearing it drop towards to the floor it was lifted up towards Andrews face.  

“Who's the kid.”  He said.  He needs to tell them.  He can't do this on his own.  Even if he stared at that face for who knows how long he wouldn’t be able to face the kid on his own in person.  He let out a long slow breath.  He heard Neil walking towards them holding two coffee mugs in his hand.  Kevin still left his untouched from were he sat it after being the first to wake up that morning.  Neil leaned into Andrews space, close enough but still not touching to look at the picture.  Neil's eyes pinched together, the kid looks familiar.  When Neil saw the caller ID he looked at Kevin wide eyed.

“I don’t know the kid personally but I got a phone call last night from the Lor-Ichirou.”  Andrew lowered the phone and gave Kevin a face that said, ‘explain’.  He did.  Told them who the kid was.  About the mother who should of been an Olympic athlete in track and field that died giving birth.  How the father was the same man that caused them so much trauma.  The kid is in the system.  He lives in the Bronx, New York.  He's was going to turn 11 years old in May next year.  He needs to foster the kid and will now only be giving 70% of his earnings.  He already has the times for the plane from Chicago to an Airport in Queens where he will be given a rental car to where he will be talking to someone about Nikoshi. 

“Thats his name?” Neil asked.  He seemed to be thinking about it, it sounded Japanese but Riko never knew the kid, right?

“Yeah, Nikoshi Doe.”  He look towards Andrew.  “I need help.”  Andrew nodded, he knew Kevin didn’t have a choice in whether he wanted Nikoshi or not but he would be damned if he just left the kid in the system either way.  And Kevin well he's Kevin he's bound to fuck up.  

They finished there coffees and Kevin left for his condo that wasn’t to far.  They all ended up on the same team.  Neil and Andrew were on different teams before Neil Transferred to the Chicago closer to Andrew but then Andrew also moved to Chicago.  Not only to be with Neil but to his brother who had went to school near by, now working as a doctor in the hospital right by there stadium.  After they all played court together Kevin thought it would be best if they played on the same team in general.  They were retiring in couple years anyways.  

When he changed he went down to the first floor where Neil and Andrew pulled up in the Maserati.  They drove to the airport, paid to leave the car and then moved there way through security.

The plane ride wasn't to long but it was agony for Andrew, no mater how many planes he's been on because of Exy he will never be used to the anxiety it brought.  Kevin wasn’t doing any better but for a different reason.  When they landed in Queens Kevin placed his shades on, big enough to cover up the tattoo on his cheek bone.  Neil stuck to putting his hood over his head while Andrew could care less, his glare was enough to be left alone.  

They got into the rental, Kevin driving with Andrew next to him and Neil in the back seat.  They discussed this arrangement on the plane.  Kevin kept his focused on the road once he got the directions in place, Andrew was playing with the unfamiliar stations and Neil kept his gaze towards the window.  Nobody said a word but Kevin prayed in his head, to a god he never believed in that he won’t have a breakdown because of a child.  

The traffic wasn’t that bad surprisingly and they were right on time with the schedule.  Kevin found a parking spot.  When parked clench the starring wheel still trying to breathe as slowly as he could.

“Kevin.”  It was Neil.  He breathed out and let go, opening the door.  They all went inside the building and where they were led to to a hallway and told to walk straight.  It was empty with chairs along the side and a door on the either.  They noticed the trash bag first and as they got closer a kids head poked out.  As quickly has he noticed them he looked back down.  Nikoshi.  The door then opened revealing a women with brunette hair pulled up into a bun.  She looked at them before she looked towards the kid.  A smile formed on her face before she asked. 

“How are you Nikoshi.”  They all stoped and stared as the kid looked up at the lady before answering with, “fine.”  Andrew snorted at that, Neil glanced at him with a look that said, ‘Shut up.’

The women looked back at them and they followed her gesture to enter the office they guessed.  She stayed out to say something to Nikoshi before closing to door behind her.