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overclocksaa · 3 years

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anon / Hey, I don’t know what possessed me but I decided to refresh and reread iron man 2020 and I just hate how tone deaf Tony is, and the writer’s defence is that Tonys always been arrogant and tone deaf because he is a rich white man. The writer is adamant that Tony has always been ignorant to others feelings and his surroundings. Is there some truth to his claim?

okay, so let me start this off by saying cantwell lost all rights to having an opinion the minute he decided to be grossly ableist about tony and patsy’s mental illnesses. he treats tony like being rich and white somehow is magic plot armor against it (when it’s well documented that tony has official diagnoses and he struggles with it in a very visible, very not pretty way), and that with patsy all you have to do is hug it out with yourself and you can be magically better!

yeah, so fuck cantwell, he can literally eat my entire ass.

but...i will say, yes, there’s some truth to tony having been tone deaf and unaware of his privilege in the past. key words: in the past. in the days before the drinking took everything from him completely (hey, cantwell, do you not consider alcoholism a daily struggle like it is in reality or...). see, tony’s story is not just about recovery, and it’s not just about the fact that you can turn your life around no matter how bad you think you’ve screwed it up, it’s also about how privilege can blind you to the world outside of your own personal bubble. that was tony before being captured. that was tony before losing everything and almost dying on the streets in a blizzard. tony is very aware of how much easier in a lot of respects he has it than other people.

like, what cantwell’s not mentioning is that tony, generally, uses his position of power and wealth to make the world a better, place, or tries to. because he has a privilege of being white, but he hasn’t always had that of being rich. tony’s been visibly disabled, it shook him into reevaluating his own behavior concerning disabled people and how he behaved concerning that behavior. tony’s being flat fucking homeless broke. it opened his eyes to how people without means (and if they do if they’re not “the right sort” which is fucking gross) are shut out of opportunities before they can even try to aim for them. will he ever see it the way a person of color will? no, but he can empathise and be aware of his own behaviors in that respect and change how he behaves and how he views the world.

which is literally what, overall, the entire iron man story is about.

cantwell, in his run, is pretending like none of these things have ever happened, like tony hasn’t had his worldview shaken up again and again and again and found himself looking at the world from a viewpoint other than that of “rich white guy”. like...he’s pretending that tony doesn’t just support big causes with his money including funding all kinds of things for all kinds of movements, but that on a person to person level he genuinely takes an interest in people he’s helping, especially as iron man. (honestly the way he’s treating this like tony has never done one good thing in his life ever as gospel is awful, and more importantly, utterly wrong.) like patsy has literally told him he has no idea what it’s like to have dark thoughts or be in a bad place and i literally had to stop and walk away from that shit when tony has been in very dark places and his mental illnesses are very well documented from the fucking 60s forward.

anyway, what i’m really getting to here is that sure, there’s some truth to it, if you ignore literally every event in tony’s life since he was injured and became iron man, and you ignore the fact that tony has depression and truly hampering self esteem issues and the fact that he fucks up generally from a place of caring about people too much. if he was a stagnant character that never learned and grew and changed when his perceptions were challenged but the thing is, tony does learn and grow and change. he still inherently has a privilege, absolutely, but he’s not sitting on some pedestal unaware of how the rest of the world struggles and he doesn’t not try to help.

superior iron man. cantwell’s confusing him with superior iron man, basically.

#anon #. ooc asks #// anyway i'm #// very angry about this in cantwell's run #// because he's already been utterly disgusting with how he's talking about mental illness #// and he can shove his pretentious plot that has the veneer of being some kind of...#// thing with a purpose but is really an excuse to shit on a character he clearly #// 1. knows nothing about #// and 2. doesn't like #// breathes in #// anyway yes there's some truth to it #// and yes tony can be arrogant #// (spoiler: most people can about some things people are fucking flawed)#// (but the key difference is here that tony's entire canon fucking shows him trying to do and be better)#// anyway don't waste your time on that trash go read fraction's run #// THAT is how you write a modern tony stark

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momestuck · 5 years

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Epilogues: Candy, Ch 22-26 [Epilogue 5]

/So a lot of heavy shit has happened, though worse is yet to come (I’ve been warned of an onscreen sexual assault in chapter 32).

Everyone’s been having babies and funerals! It’s a busy time.

(note: csa mention in chapter 23, though it does not occur in the narrative)

Chapter 22

This is another John-Terezi text convo chapter. There’s been a three-year timeskip. And... it’s raining ghosts now.

So I guess that’s what became of the whole ghosts in the Furthest Ring thing?

We also learn that, on top of the breeding restrictions, trolls are banned from rising beyond certain levels in government. Jane is, we learn, pretty much running the government behind the scenes, because what makes fascist movements tick is one evil person, obviously.

Karkat’s the one with a backbone at least...

JOHN: and karkat...

JOHN: he’s gone completely off the grid!

JOHN: at first we all assumed that the reason he ran away was because he got fed up with his shitty poly relationship.

JOHN: which was probably part of it, honestly. but now i keep seeing his face on all the resistance posters!

JOHN: i think they may have actually put him in charge?

TEREZI: H3H

TEREZI: 1 4LW4YS KN3W H3 H4D 1T 1N H1M

This situation is only exacerbated by the ghosts. So that means characters who were very definitely dead in the main storyline can show up.

Gamzee has been apparently spreading this religion of ‘redemption arcs’ by ‘making out with people’, and doing some kind of milk-based ‘baptism’. John, meanwhile, asks about the ethics of kidnapping baby Tavros from his horrific parents...

We get to bare witness to Gamzee ‘redeeming’ the ghosts of Feferi and Eridan. Which involves Eridan going on about Feferi’s feet and Gamzee mashing their faces together to make them ‘kiss and make up’.

Jane, it seems, is going full Condesce in more ways than one:

Just then, a dark shadow passes over the park. The crowd falls silent as they raise their heads to watch a drone ship pass by overhead. Its design is insect-like, splitting into many jagged branches, each decked out with weapons and cameras. It’s completely silent, and encased in armor with a bright red finish, smooth and seamless. It’s often cited by Jane as the crown jewel of Crockercorp’s various military contracts with the government.

...including literally building her spaceships, and sending them out over the Troll kingdom.

So we’re basically going to have the Holocaust allegory in here I guess? Fucking hell.

chapter 23

We get more words towards Roxy’s steady character dissolution...

It’s not like Roxy had ever been argumentative, exactly. He just seems to remember someone from his youth who was somewhat more contrarian in spirit than this person he’s married to now.

Back when they were dating, John thought she was acting a little off. Not quite in a bad way, but perhaps a little too “in love,” too fast. At least she still seemed like herself most of the time. But since the wedding, every year that goes by, she seems to become just a little more conciliatory. Not just toward him but toward life in general. She indulges Harry Anderson liberally and almost thoughtlessly. She doesn’t care that her best friend is slowly turning into an executive overseeing the corporate arm up the puppet ass of a ruthless dictatorship. She still thinks Gamzee is being sincere about all this “redemption” bullshit, even though he’s been casting an increasingly dark and hungry shadow behind Jane: a malicious royal vizier to her burgeoning imperial persona.

So John’s going to do something, and hopes that it will make things feel ‘real’ again... which is to say obviously what he talked about with Terezi, kidnapping/rescuing Tavros Crocker. Well-intentioned, but... I do not anticipate this going well.

We learn a little such as... Jane’s planning to outlaw human and troll marriage, which would retroactively hit Rose and Kanaya. Which I guess is the final straw for them. (Frankly it should be well past the final straw for all of them. They should all be with Karkat by this point!)

Also Jane and Jake are in ‘auspistice counselling’. We witness a loud row, in front of Tavros...

TAVROS: It’s fine,,, my parents are kismeses after all,,,

like, fuck.......

It’s a birthday party for Harry Anderson (John and Roxy’s kid), and Jane’s gift is, well, a fucking imperial drone!

sometimes I picture V’s gleeful face as we see the next thing she’s got for us... and now you lick the clown’s armpit... jane’s making the Holocaust but for fictional space aliens...

John awkwardly finds an excuse to be alone with Tavros, to convince him to run away. The kid dialogue is convincingly naive.

The possibility of child sexual abuse (by Gamzee) is raised, but it’s made clear this isn’t the case: what ever else Gamzee is in this version, he doesn’t rape children. However, that the situation is overall abusive in just about every other way is more than clear. Tavros, on his part, seems to be very keen to leave once he’s convinced John can escape Jane’s security.

I have a feeling the imperial drone may become relevant again shortly.

Jade, however, witnesses what John’s trying to do. She insists it will just make everything worse... (also Jake has an ‘execution dance off show’ because yeah...)

Whatever weird character corrosion has hit them is finally raised...

JOHN: if there was another way we would have found it by now!!!

JOHN: but there isn’t one, because everyone’s been all... brainwashed by marriage, or whatever the hell happened over the last few years that made things be this way!

JOHN: it’s like everyone just talks past each other all the time!

JADE: john...

JOHN: i’m the only one who ever seems to realize that something...

JOHN: that something’s WRONG!

Tavros sadly can’t get a word in edgewise as they start having a go at each other - John calling out everything that’s wrong, the way Jade forced a relationship on Dave and Karkat, and... and the noise is loud enough that Jane arrives on the scene.

John finally has a go at her with all the latent awfulness that’s been building up to this point. The fascism, the way she’s treated Jake, the Gamzee thing... the narration has put us very much on his side, centred his perspective, but his friends won’t hear it. And his windy powers destroy the room. So that’s something.

John runs away.

Comment: the mostly strict John viewpoint makes me wonder if there’s any degree of unreliable narration. All the same, most of the stuff is pretty undeniable.

chapter 24

This one begins with an interesting exchange:

JADE [alt-Calliope]: the timelines are interacting again.

ARADIA: ooh do you hear anything interesting

SOLLUX: don’t be s0 n0sy aradia.

To me the implication is that a lot of the ‘arrivals’ in this timeline - alt-Calliope in Jade’s body, the ghosts - are as a result of things that might be happening in the Meat story.

Through alt-Calliope’s eyes, we see Terezi and John’s conversation. Terezi is lost, in more ways than one, in the dreaming void searching for Vriska. She’s also experiencing derealisation... John, apparently in a mood for dropping harsh challenges, tells her point blank that Vriska is either dead, or, not worth her time for leaving her in doubt for so long.

alt-Calliope explains that what is at stake is not the destruction of this universe - but those of them here are ‘the lucky ones’, who live ‘beyond the reach of the prince’. She doesn’t bother to explain what is at stake.

Meanwhile, John and Terezi talk depression. There’s some really vital Terezi dialogue here...

JOHN: please. please come home.

TEREZI: TH3N WH4T

JOHN: umm, i dunno.

JOHN: we hang out and stuff?

TEREZI: JOHN YOU ST1LL DONT G3T 1T

TEREZI: 34RTH C 1S *NOT* MY HOM3

JOHN: do you really miss alternia that bad?

TEREZI: 1 D1D FOR 4 LONG T1M3

TEREZI: MOR3 TH4N K4RK4T 4ND K4N4Y4 D1D 4T L34ST

TEREZI: BUT 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 4NYMOR3

TEREZI: 4LT3RN14, VR1SK4, SGRUB

TEREZI: 1M SO CONFUS3D 4BOUT WH4T 1 W4NT

TEREZI: UGH, 1 THOUGHT TH4T NOT K1LL1NG H3R WOULD M4K3 M3 F33L B3TT3R

TEREZI: BUT 1NST34D 1TS L1K3 1 R3TCONN3D 4 HUG3 CHUNK OUT OF MY SOUL

TEREZI: 1 3R4S3D 4N 4CT1ON OF R3GR3T 4ND GR13F...

TEREZI: 4ND JUST TURN3D 1T 1NTO SOM3TH1NG 1 C4NT STOP CH4S1NG 4FT3R

TEREZI: M4YB3 WH4T 1 D1D W4S N3CESS4RY TO S4V3 3V3RYON3 3LS3

TEREZI: BUT 1T SUR3 D1DNT S4VE M3

oh terezi....

terezi is giving up. she tells john she texted, echoing his words, to ‘give him the courtesy of closure’. and that she’s going to let herself die, alone in the Furthest Ring.

this is the ‘sweet fluffy’ branch huh

chapter 25

finally an update on what’s going on with Karkat!

he’s been somehow appointed ‘Commander’ of the rebellion, with good old Swifer Eggmop as one of his comrades! I’m so glad Swifer is having a role. Karkat is not all that pleased about the successes of his rebellion:

KARKAT: SO FAR ALL THIS “TROLL REBELLION” HAS AMOUNTED TO IS A WHOLE LOT OF DICK ALL, WITH AN ADDITIONAL SIDE SERVING OF JACK SQUAT, FOLLOWED UP BY A FINAL COURSE OF GETTING TO WATCH OUR TOP ANALYST, CLIPER BORDEN, BEING FORCED TO DANCE TO AVOID LIFE IMPRISONMENT IN A LABOR CAMP ON LIVE TELEVISION AND MAKING A COMPLETE ASS OF HIMSELF.

It’s all a weird mix of surreal and grimdark, much like the Alpha kids’ backstory in Homestuck proper. There’s hard labour camps... making cake; a ‘pastry-based shadow dictatorship’.

Rose and Kanaya are at least involved somewhat in the troll rebellion, and transport of the Mother Grub has been arranged.

Anyway, Karkat’s typically grumpy internal monologue is interrupted by the sudden arrival of Meenah from another dimension. A living Meenah - equipped with a Ring of Life. John asks if she got it from Calliope, but Meenah insists she did not. (Possibly she got it from Andrew Hussie himself? I’d have to watch Cascade again probably...)

Meenah, it seems, is fresh from battling Lord English - apparently without success. But her massive army of ghosts arrives with her... and she’s willing for Karkat to take charge and order her around, as long as he does it with a suitably commanderly demeanour. Does this mean the rebellion now stands more of a chance? Meenah is ruthless (she was the Condesce in another life), though capricious... Karkat is honest and direct and angry about the right things, but rather prone to getting lost in it.

Also he still won’t text Dave, and won’t let Rose talk to him about it.

chapter 26

Back to John, who’s thinking about messaging Terezi again - presumably in the hope that she is not, in fact, dead?

He’s getting a good old mope on about the seeming fakeness, non-’canonicity’ of life on Earth C. But after some ‘melodramatic contemplating’ in this vein, he’s interrupted by his dad’s car.

I’m going to be very curious if the Meat route explains how all this stuff got into the Earth C universe.

Unfortunately, what John finds in the car is... not his dad, but a bit of Terezi’s blood. From which he concludes... he’s never going to see her again, there was never even a possibility of it.

Feeling derealisation more than ever, John just screams a lot.

Damn lol, this story is making me care about John Egbert of all people!

epilogue 5

This is the episode where the whole idyll comes crashing down. Things aren’t ok, things weren’t going to be ok, trying to pretend things were ok just made everyone miserable.

I am sufficiently depressed that that rather appeals as a narrative - much more than a ‘happily ever after’ ending. But it’s not over yet.

Hopefully there’s yet hope for the characters I like to find some manner of escape from this latest hell, develop out of the worst selves they’ve built... Roxy, at least, I hope can change, stop being this non-person...

#momestuck

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christinegphillips · 4 years

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Think Before You Speak – Listen – Have Empathy For Others

“Think before you speak” How often have you said something that you wished you could take back, or that you have regretted later when you have had time to mull things over properly? Yep we have all been there and done that, but what I wanted to do today was to go deeper into why we all should think before we speak.

The reason being is that through experience, I can tell you that what you say and what people hear are two very different things and we think we are being helpful, supportive and positive. But it can still be taken in the wrong way and if not recognized can have a dramatic impact on the other persons life.

Think before you speak – Photo by Susan Yin on Unsplash

So what I am going to go through below are my reasons on why you should think before you speak, tips on being better at it and also how to be nice to people in general. Communication in every relationship you have is paramount to it’s success. As an example the other day, I had to make a decision about whether I should visit my 7 year old daughter that I haven’t seen for 2mths due to lockdown and the coronavirus.

Now there were impacts both to her and my wife and daughter I live with also. So I asked my wife what she thought and she said “It’s your decision”. Now I took this as it was up to me to make that decision and I wasn’t very happy about that. What my wife meant, was that she fully supported any decision I would make about it and that I have her full support to see it through. Now we could only get to this understanding by listening to what each other actually meant, rather than presuming and taking our own thoughts into account only.

One of the lessons I have learnt in life is that everything we say can have such an impact on other people’s thoughts and emotions that it can cause them to hate their life as a result of what we say. Which is why we need to speak before we think and generally think about what the impact of what we are saying has on other people. If we understand the impact then we can adapt the way that we deliver the message we want to get across.

We all have our opinions in life and our own values, but that does not mean that anyone that gets in the way of those values is wrong. We have all been educated in our own ways, been told different things, have different peers and friends, so valuing what anyone has to say will allow you to better think of the best thing to say in a given situation, whilst also remaining calm in your delivery.

Choosing your words wisely always starts with understanding the question in hand first and foremost. So think about what the person is actually saying or asking you in the first place. This means don’t multi task, put your phone down and actually listen to what someone is saying to you. Then ask questions as examples below

How important is this for you?

What would this mean to you?

Is that how you really feel?

What would happen if this did not work out?

I think you get the gist. So if your kids come up and say something like “mum I am feeling depressed” rather than saying you will be okay just get on with it. You can ask things like

Do you want to talk about it?

Is there anything in particular that is making you feel this way?

Is there anything that I can do to help?

How is it making you feel?

Can you think of anything that will make you feel better?

How about we try this to help

I think you get the gist of this so far, because when someone comes and says something to you, in their mind it is really important. So if you take that on board and ask them lots of encouraging questions you will find the answers and get clarity on the subject. A popular way to do this is by tackling it with the following acronym

T = Is It True – Is what you are saying or replying to them a true statement? There is no point giving someone advice based on information that is false. So always think about your reply and how you can add your experiences in to help them with any decisions they may be able to make. Do not however compare yourself or others to their situation unless it is true and there is an inspiring outcome to it all. The worse thing ever is when you feel crappy about something, is be compared to others as everyone has their very own individual story and we all react differently to different events.

H = Is It Helpful – Is what you are saying going to add value to the conversation. Is it going to be something that you can both agree would be a great way of moving forward. Is it something that gives options in the circumstances and a way out of whatever mess has brought on the situation in the first place.

I = Is It Inspiring – Inspiring people with examples of things that have worked out is a much better way than saying you might be right there you could fail at this. The other way is to say “yes you might fail but you might also win and if you learn from your mistakes and take this as a challenge, then you can only ever improve. Always think about what inspiring things will turn a negative emotion into a positive one.

N = Is It Necessary – Do you actually need to say it. Sometimes we can let our mouths run too far and fill someone’s head with unnecessary doubts and thoughts. So don’t add to their anguish also use the above inspiring thoughts to point them in a positive direction instead. Look at ways to reduce the stress and not add to it.

K = Is it Kind – We should always be kind in everything we do. Our job is to make everyone believe in themselves and not to make them feel like crap and be unworthy. We should understand and have empathy for others, despite how stupid it might sound to us, it is not stupid to them. Empathy is a real big emotion that we should all use. Simply telling someone to get on with it, or it will be okay will not cut the mustard. It is all our jobs to ask questions, to reduce fears, to offer hope and solutions to everyone that needs it. After all anything can happen to any of us, we could all become homeless, we could all get sick, we can all lose loved ones and we are not invincible. So when you are kind to others the law of reciprocity is real and will come back to you when you need it. But there is no point expecting to be treated kindly by others if you do not follow this pathway yourself.

The one other big thing you can do apart from thinking before you speak is learn to apologize when you get it wrong. We all make mistakes and we all say things we didn’t mean too. But don’t hide from it and hope things will go away because they won’t. That person will hold it in their memory and that is what they will remember you by. So if you have said the wrong thing, correct it by getting back in touch with that person and apologizing and then go through the THINK process to make things better.

The way I see life is that we cannot control what people say to us or how they will react to a given situation but what we can control is our own thoughts and how we react to a situation. So below are my top tips on how to handle situations better when people have said things they haven’t really thought about.

My Top Tips On Dealing With People Who Haven’t Thought Twice About What They Say

Don’t react – Reactive behavior is damaging for everyone concerned. One badly spoken word can set off a catalyst of reactions and you often get into a you did this – I did that conversation. Before you know it, you have forgotten what the argument was about in the first place and have gone off on a complete tangent. So never react to any behavior without having clarity of thought first, this will make you a better person overall.

Don’t take things personally – This is a really hard thing to do as sometimes you will get offended by what someone says to you. What you have to determine is whether or not they actually meant it or not, so ask them. If they didn’t you have saved yourself anguish, if they did, see if they have a point or not and see whether you think they are right or not by questioning yourself about your own behavior. Like I said above it is okay apologize as we all do things wrong sometimes.

Don’t be mean back – When someone is mean to you, do not retaliate. This is hard because your natural fight instincts will kick in and you will want to be mean back. All you can do is rise above the challenge and be a better person. Wipe those people out of your life as quickly as possible and learn to live for yourself instead.

Take your time – You don’t have to give answers straight away. We live in a World where everyone is on demand and available through social media. When people text you they wait for an answer back, you don’t need to answer anything without thinking about your response. So don’t hastily reply to something as you might not come across in the right way.

Have patience – Some conversations take time and cannot be resolved in one conversation. So give things and people time to absorb everything and to think about what they have said in the first place. Then revisit the conversation and keep trying until you get to a solution that you are both happy with.

Don’t interrupt people – The worse thing you can ever do is interrupt people when they are speaking. This is a major lesson to be learned because they will either get annoyed or think you are not listening to what they are saying. If they think you are not listening you will disengage them and they will withdraw and you will not be able to convince them to come back to the conversation.

Stop overthinking – Don’t make up your mind by overthinking situations and making someone else’s mind up for them. Give them the opportunity to talk to you and see what their reaction is going to be. We can all be over thinkers at times but just ask the relevant questions and get answers and you will save yourself a lot of worrying along the way.

So that is my viewpoint on why you have to think before you speak. I see life as a big learning curve and after being in some dark places myself I continue to grow inside and understand more about what makes people think and feel.

If you want to be happy again then do more of what makes you happy and then other people’s problems, issues and questions you will be able to deal with more effectively. Because you will be happy with your own life, you won’t react or say the wrong thing because you will have empathy and you will be kind to others.

This happens when you decide to live for yourself as if you are happy in life then everything around you becomes easier to deal with and everyone around you will bounce of your happiness. I know it sounds easy but I put together my own transformation program to help you get there. So if you need a little motivation in life to help you learn how to be happier in your day then do check it out at https://changeyourlifeforever.co.uk

In the meantime I wish you all the best in your future. Best wishes Scott

Think Before You Speak – Listen – Have Empathy For Others published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

#personal development #positivity #self help #confidence #law of attraction

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comicteaparty · 5 years

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December 24th-December 30th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from December 24th, 2018 to December 30th, 2018. The chat focused on Cat-Person by P.Lo.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Cat-Person by P.Lo~! (https://catpersoncomic.tumblr.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PST), so keep checking back for more! You have until December 30th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 3. Why do you think Neko refuses to go outside and has, in general, a grumpy attitude? Do you believe this is something she’ll eventually overcome at the current rate?

QUESTION 4. Will Neko and Eleanor be able to overcome the tension in their relationship? If so, how? Do you feel Neko’s attitude towards Eleanor is justified or vice versa? Will Neko ultimately ruin her dad’s relationship with Eleanor?

Delphina

(Content warning for anybody who needs it: Suicidal thoughts/attempts are a central theme in this comic)

So the creator describes this as a "serialized psychological-thriller". Neko is our viewpoint character, she's clearly got some unaddressed mental health issues that nobody around her is qualified to deal with, and as such becomes the most sympathetic. But it's clear that everyone starts from a deeply flawed baseline, and the creator is using things like porn addiction, alcoholism, and vegan diets to paint everyone in those "shades of grey".

From the about page:

“When a last-minute business trip forces DAD to leave home for a week, he enlists his eager girlfriend ELEANOR to take care of his reclusive daughter NEKO, which leads to jealousy, passive-aggressiveness, and… Bloodshed.”

So based on the tension, and clues being dropped around with Neko pocketing the key, and how controlling Eleanor is getting, I'm not expecting this to be a gentle healing story where everyone comes to understand one another. Things are going to go WAY south, perhaps physically and psychologically violent between Neko and Eleanor.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. Do you think Neko’s dad will be able to get a grip on his own problems, such as his drinking? How might his problems affect his relationship with Neko and Eleanor as the story continues?

keii4ii

I must say, I'm super impressed with how the art style and the repetitive format contribute to the storytelling. The clean style, the pretty but understated colors, the calm repetition of the three panel format... All of it contrasts against the turbulence and the ugliness of what's happening under the surface, and it's extremely effective.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 6. In what ways do you believe Neko’s life is reflected in the story she’s writing, especially given she mentioned taking aspects form it? What could that mean for the current state of Neko’s life?

RebelVampire

1) i really enjoy the first lunch scene when its just eleanor and neko because i find it to be a hard slap of truth in how communication can quickly go awry. eleanor is clearly well-meaning, but because of her personal insecurities about her position with neko and her own personal life beliefs, she winds up being pushy. but on the otherhand, neko is kind of a brat in general, even if i empathize with her more in that scene. but inevitably i really enjoyed the character dynamics in this particular scene cause they felt all too real and made my heart hurt. because neither character involved is awful, they just arent on the same page of communication. and that fact i think is really poignant for the darker tones of the story. 2) favorite character is probably neko's dad. because despite his own issues, he is an honest soul trying to balance helping neko while having his own life. he woefully underqualified to help neko, obviously, but hes trying at least.

3) i go back and forth on neko's decision to not leave the house. on the one hand, it could be hinting she might have extreme social anxiety or a form of agoraphobia. but on the otherhand, as someone who doesnt like to go outside, it could be she just doesnt like to go outside. not everyone gets a kick out of what the outside has to offer (often cause a lot of the more interesting things to do also cost zounds of money). so in a sense, i kind of feel it might be a mix? in that in general she just doesnt enjoy it, but that she does have some anxiety issues that doubly encourage her not to go out either. as for overcoming it, fff, it's not looking likely. as others have mentioned, she's really in need of some professional help, and atm she is not getting that. but as for the going outside thing, i dont think she necessary needs to overcome it. ppl can live healthy lives while staying mostly indoors. its mroe about whether it's hurting her quality of life. but i like the fact its not entirely clear in this regard, cause it makes neko more sympathetic in regards to her reactions to eleanor

4) I feel both character's attitudes is both justified and unjustified. as i mentioned with favorite scene, they both have their positive and negative sides. neko has issues but is also kind of a brat. eleanor is well-meaning but extremely pushy and inconsiderate. but in the end i dont think it matters who is more justified. theyre both right and both at fault, which is great because in general this is the gray situations we often face in real life. as for overcoming the tension in their relationship, eh, probably not. but in all honesty i dont think the dad and eleanor's relationship is gonna work out. i think at the end it's the dad's own unaddressed issues that are going to sabotage the relationship, nothing that neko does. but i do think neko is gonna feel like it's her fault and i think shes gonna feel guiliter about it then she suspects she will despite her general dislike of eleanor

5) as said in the end of 4, i think his own issues are what's actually going to ruin the relationship with eleanor. alcohol addiction leads to bad places and makes ppl not themselves. so i can only see it going badly. as for neko, i kind of think the same thing is gonna happen, more because he's not going to get neko the help she needs. inevitably, this story is on a downward spiral because everyone is sad and nobody seems to dealing with their issues in a healthy manner as of yet.

RebelVampire

6) before i speculate, i just want to say i love that the story flat out tells out neko's life is being reflected in her own story. because this is an element that would be left to reader speculation on simile and metaphor and stuff. but since this story is upfront about it, i actually think it makes room for a lot of tension building. since the story neko is writing is revealed in bits and pieces, this allows us to get the occassional view into neko's psyche. as the story she's writing gets darker, we get a window side view into neko's inner turmoil. and the more turmoil, the more worried you get since it's clear her mental situation atm might not be the most stable. now speculation, while i dont think neko is some secret killer of those around her through supernatural means, i do think shes reflecting the fact that she feels like a burden on those around her. which is somewhat interesting and also very sad. the extreme manifestation shown in her story makes me think neko has a very distorted self image. but on the otherhand, at the current moment its hard to say she isnt bit of a burden, though mostly in regards to her being a bit of brat just cause her dad wants to dad. but in a way, she kind of self fulfills the prophecy. and inevitably its just this cycle that leads her down a dark road that is overall very depressing but still interesting to see portrayed in this way.

Delphina

I was curious how old she was/what their financial situation is. She's of legal age to drink I guess, so she's an adult. Nothing like getting a job or her ever living independently has come up, so I assume the dad has that covered or is at the very least not mentioning that out of consideration of her mental health. But they can't afford more than one laptop for him to take on his business trip and her to write on?

And surely giving your shut-in daughter internet access would make life somewhat less isolating for her? Especially since internet communication has been established as something the dad does for support, it feels like a particularly odd situation. C'mon man, get your girl an iPad and let her do NaNoWriMo or something.(edited)

keii4ii

Was she actually legal to drink? I was under the impression that it was a special occasion only thing. (which isn't too uncommon IRL even if it's not legal?)

Delphina

I guess, but damn, that makes him an even WORSE dad.

They don't mention school or anything either, so I'm a little unclear.

keii4ii

Yeah...

Delphina

Regarding her writing, I think the dog/cat dichotomy that comes up in Neko's story that she's writing is a big theme (and well, the comic's called Cat-person, and she's named "neko" which means "cat" in Japanese). I'm assuming the parallel here is Neko is not actually the guy in her writing, but the cat. She's aloof, hard for anyone to read, stays away from people, gets violent. Eleanor's possibly the pushy, happy and over-attentive dog?

RebelVampire

i was super confused how old shes supposed to be, but i eventually settled on late teen based on 1) her general appearance and stature looks more teen/young adult to me and 2) a lot of the other stuff you mentioned. like shes very much being treated like a kid and not capable of being someone being independent. but to be fair, id ballpark maybe 17 or 18. so someone who is kind of an adult but not ready to be an adult by a long shot, which isnt uncommon for that age. i got the same impression as keii did about the drinking. that it was just a special occassion thing. neko just goes overboard and the dad doesnt punish her. which tbf to him, im sure hes worried about setting her off or something like that.

as for the laptop thing, i actually assumed that had nothing to do with their financial situation. i mean it might, but i got more the impression that he was protecting her and just in general didnt want her near the internet or things like that. which tbf i can understand that pov. cause as much as the internet can help, it can also hurt. cyberbullying is a real thing after all and we dont really have an established past for neko that lead her to do what she did. not to mention he might be afraid of what shes gonna search where he cant see. like what if she starts looking up "how to kill myself in [insert manner here]" alternatively, he also might just not want her to see whatever porn he has on the computer, cause id bet my soul he has porn on that laptop.

thats a good catch with the dog/cat dichotomy though. i didnt even notice it cause i was too busy fuss worrying over eleanor not caring where the key is

way to watch over neko, eleanor

Delphina

Oh yeah, there was a strip where he was doing some kind of adult chat and he deleted his browsing history before giving his computer to Neko, so he totally had porn on his laptop.

That's true about the internet possibly being a bad thing that he could feel he needs to protect her from. I think that sort of history of how she interacted when she WASN'T avoiding the world would really add a lot of depth to Neko and make her more sympathetic.

That said, the author has done a really good job of making the environment feel uncomfortably tight and trapped, so sympathetic characters might not be what they want for this story and might reduce the sense of tension we feel right now.(edited)

RebelVampire

yeah i def agree. it does feel tight and trapped. especially whenever eleanor is there cause whenever eleanor is around i feel like her constant talking serves to make the place feel more cramped.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Why do you believe the fridge magnets spell out helpful sayings like “ask for help?” Who did it and for what purpose? What is the thematic significance?

Delphina

I suspect the fridge word art is Neko. It might be symbollic of her own subconscious trying to give her advice, or her way of communicating with her dad about his own poor way of dealing with problems.

RebelVampire

(the archive for the chat on Lovespells is now available! @thisintermezzo https://comicteaparty.com/post/181479135680/december-17th-december-23rd-2018-ctp-archive)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 8. How do you think the title, “Cat-Person,” ties into the story’s themes and topics? What does this title tell us about Neko or the other characters?

Delphina

(Going back to a previous topic, it looks like the pages that were added in the last few days do clarify that Neko does have agoraphobia/fear of leaving the house and she is an adult - https://catpersoncomic.tumblr.com/)

RebelVampire

idk if i consider that a confirmation shes an adult. but definitely old enough to drive.

Delphina

Neko knowing her phobias definitely makes me wonder why the dad wouldn't have told Eleanor those things. It seems like the kind of thing that I would have told my girlfriend before she met my daughter? And I have to hope Eleanor would have been broaching these subjects with more tact if these were known diagnoses.

Anyway, yah, the title "Cat-Person" seems to have ties in with Neko's name and the cat mentioned in her story. The stereotype of cats is that they don't like being around others and feel crowded/lash out pretty easily, which fits Neko pretty well at this point. Since it's such a core part of her identity, I'm curious if/how it can shift.

RebelVampire

the dad might have told eleanor tbf. she very much comes across as one of those ppl who thinks all mental issues are something you can just get over. or even if she isnt, i highly doubt eleanor did any research about it and attempted to actually understand.

it wouldnt surprise me if he didnt tell her. tbh, i dont think the dad really takes neko's fear of the outside all that serious either

i feel more he just tolerates it but doesnt understand the full extent of the problem

cause he seems kind of willing to indulge and spoil neko to a degree just so he doesnt have to deal with everything

Delphina

Hmmm, yeah, good point

RebelVampire

but to a degree i also understand cause hes got his own issues to work through. and ppl who have their own mental issues arent the best suited to help others in a lot of cases.

well more in the sense that neither are actively working to heal

so just arent in good places to help each other

keii4ii

I was actually wondering if he didn't tell her because he's a terrible dad and was worried it might drive Eleanor away from him

But I also like the idea of Eleanor having been told, but deliberately acting like she doesn't know

RebelVampire

tbh tho i could also believe he just never found the right time to tell eleanor

cause these are not casual things you drop down on your girlfriend

although i am leaning towards eleanor just didnt care

cause clearly she was told neko tried to commit suicide since she wasnt surprised at all

keii4ii

That, I was guessing (well, it was one of my guesses) Eleanor didn't actually take Neko seriously at the time and saw it as a younger person being an edgelord for attention

But any of these interpretations are possible at this time

RebelVampire

i think that is a good way to put it tho

that is 100% how i see eleanor fewing neko

as some young edgelord

that and she strikes me as one of those ppl who believes sunshine and fresh air will fix any illness

modern medicine be damned

RebelVampire

7) i kind of assume neko did the fridge word art for no other reason that shes a writer. so just makes sense. though i kind of feel like her father maybe encouraged her to do it. like put some positive affirmations on the fridge of some sort. i feel like their significance is to show something like how even when ppl can know what they have to do (like ask for help for instance) the actual execution of that is flawed and contingent on those around us. so asking for help is not necessarily a for sure path that lead to healing. or something like that. 8) as Delphina said, cats are "stereotyped" as being creatures that lash out and are relatively solitary (i quote stereotype cause as a cat owner annd lover, nah, cats are bundles of terror and these are accurate descriptions XD). the unfortunate thing is that ppl tend to assume these same traits apply to "cat people." which fits neko, but i also think in some way it also speaks of how ppl are auto putting their assumptions on her. in that the more they assume shes gonna lash out, the more she does so, and then its just a downward spiral. i think eleanor shows us the story is equally about ppls judgements and assumptions of who we are, in the same way people assume cat people are exactly like cats. and in so doing the title is also talking about how neko is being put into a box that is not conducive to her changing even if she wanted to, because people are already assuming certain things about her even before she meets or bonds with them

(i hope that drabble made sense cause im tired and about to go to bed XD)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. Do you believe Neko’s father’s attitude and precautions towards her since her attempted suicide is justified, or is it more likely making the situation worse? What do you think will become of the issue regarding the locked up knife drawer and missing key?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 10. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

RebelVampire

9) I think Neko's father's handling of the situation is kind of a mix of both. I can understand taking precautions so Neko can heal without being in danger. However, he's not doing a lot of other stuff he should be doing to help her get better. As for the key thing, I think it's gonna hurt the dad more than Neko. Cause I can just picture Eleanor mentioning it casually and the Dad fighting with her wondering how Eleanor could be so irresponsible. Or something like that. I'm gonna be optimistic rather than assume worst case. O_O 10) I'm looking forward to seeing where else the story Neko is writing goes. I really love how tied in that story is to the comic's story and it really helps build tension and makes for a really interesting read.

keii4ii

I'm looking forward to seeing actual changes, be they positive or negative... or suuuper negative even. So far there's been a lot of establishing what each character is like (which is necessary, and done very well). I mean, Eleanor being introduced to Neko's life is a change to her life, but not yet a change in her character. I feel like the point we're at is a cusp of some real changes...

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Cat-Person this week! Please also give a special thank you to P.Lo for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Cat-Person, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: https://catpersoncomic.tumblr.com/

P.Lo’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/pleaseleaveon?lang=en

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic bookclub #webcomic book club #comic tea party #ctp #cat-person #p.lo

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blamingtim · 5 years

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The 2018 Reading List

Here’s the 2nd annual reading list (and probably the final post for Tumblr since the platform is dying)

Freedom ™ - Daniel Suarez

- Finished February 18th

This is the 2nd book in the Daemon saga. It picks up about 4 months after the close of the first book and does its best to tie the first story into a much larger epic. While an enjoyable book, the focus is much more on the characters introduced in the first book and much less on the Daemon itself. This was an interesting read, because two of the main characters from the first book really don’t have much to do and are just part of the larger story. There’s also some interesting comparisons I could make between this book’s overall message and that of Atlas Shrugged. One of the most annoying parts of Atlas Shrugged is how Rand beats the reader over the head about how great her viewpoint is and how absurd normalcy is. Suarez does this too in his own way when he describes these ‘holons’ or communities of Daemon operatives. It’s a strange tale, one that also ends with a fizzle instead of a bang. I don’t want to be too hard on this book, it just seems the author had a lot more direction and gusto to the climax of the first book and not as much in the second.

A Wrinkle In Time - Madeleine L’Engle

- Finished March 3rd

I originally read this book when I was in the 6th grade. While I remembered a good deal about it, there were definitely blank spots in my memory on how the kids and witches travelled around the universe. Re-reading this 27 years later was very interesting. Originally I hadn’t realized how religious this book had been. I suppose going to school in Kennesaw, GA probably didn’t help since religion was awash pretty much everywhere. The story follows the Murry family whose father has been missing for some time. The main character is the oldest child, their daughter Meg. With the help of 2 and a half women, Meg, her little brother, and a friend must travel throughout the galaxy to attempt to save their father from IT - a telepathic giant brain who can control entire planets. It’s interesting how this book, which was written in the early 1960s, is a product of its time. The principle battle is with a very thinly veiled communism. Everyone on dark planets are living identical lives and performing everything in the exact perfect rhythm. IT uses the ability to control people to have them conform. Also ‘The Black Thing’ which is essentially a giant shadow is a direct representation of the devil, while the light is God. Jesus and God are also mentioned by name in the book, just to ensure that the points are driven home. The ‘witches’ were originally stars and are billions of years old, and attempt to pretend to be humans when meeting the children. They disguise themselves as witches and live in a haunted house because that seemed the easiest way to hide in plain sight. It’s an interesting tale with very familiar tropes including the fact that love quite literally saves the day. I also didn’t recall this being a ‘Quintet’ of stories, as apparently the adventures continue. From what I hear they get even more biblical and time travel allows them to visit Noah’s Ark for some reason. I’ll save this copy for my daughters when they get a little older, as it’s a great children’s book… but doesn’t quite hold up for the adult reader.

We are Legion (We are Bob) - Dennis Taylor

- Finished March 13th

This book follows the fate of Bob, an engineer who sells his software company and immediately signs up to have his head cryo-frozen when he dies. Almost immediately he is hit by a car and wakes up as a computer program ~100 years in the future. He has been awoken to be trained to be a Von Neuenburg probe and replicate himself throughout the galaxy. I immediately loved this book. The first third deals with Bob coming to grips with being a computer simulation as well as learning all the tools and techniques he’ll need for his voyage. As an engineer myself, it was great reading about all the subroutines he would write to support his tasks as well as the semi-detective work he would do to try and learn more about his situation. After he is launched into space things go sideways and he has to fend off the geo-political terrorist attacks against him and his project. The 2nd third of the book deals with Bob replicating himself, getting along with the clones, and the troubles with the Brazilian forces that are trying to destroy him. The book starts to fizzle out here, and by the end of the book I started to realize that this was going to be the first book in a trilogy. The last third of the book has a plot-line involving Bob Prime taking a vast interest in a life-form of Furry Bat-like people that Bob basically becomes a God to. He attempts to defend them from these gorilla like animals that keep murdering them. I found this part of the story tedious and began rooting for the bat people to all be murdered. In any case this was a fun book at the beginning but it really took a turn and by the end I really just wanted it to be over. I don’t think I’m going to read the other two books in the series and move onto other books on my shelf.

The Lost Symbol - Dan Brown

- Finished April 15th

This is the third book in the Robert Langdon series, starting with Angels & Demon and continuing with The DaVinci Code. Following the formula, Robert is, this time, sent to Washington D.C. and is forced to solve a mystery involving the Masons, the CIA, and a crazed villain. The story is light and fun with a great deal of detail in the descriptions of the artwork and architecture of D.C. It’s difficult to know how much of the descriptions and history are accurate as Dan Brown likes to add false details to help streamline his narrative, but it’s all pretty fun to read. There’s some good founding father background information which has me wanting to read biographies on Washington and Franklin. My only criticism of the book comes with its ending, which isn’t all that satisfying and happens very abruptly. The book then continues on several chapters attempting to finish off the main mystery of the book. It gets pretty hokey toward the end and the reader gets browbeaten pretty heavily in the final pages. All in all this was a fun read but ends with a fizzle instead of a bang.

Blood Meridian - Cormac McCarthy

- Finished July 14th

I didn’t know what I was getting into, not really. This is by far the darkest story I’ve read. McCarthy brought two things into my life with this story: A new appreciation of historical language, and utter dread. The book follows the life of “the kid”, an unnamed protagonist teenage anti-hero, throughout his travels in the year 1847. He starts in Tennessee but quickly finds his way to Mexico via Texas. The horrors start to pack on as he joins a brigade of Indian scalpers into the wasteland deserts of northern Mexico. The book introduces one of the most complicated characters I’ve encountered called “The Judge”. His story interweaves throughout various points of the Kid’s, always in the most grim and dire of ways. I read this story during my daily commute, so about an hour of reading into work and an hour out. This kept my mood in a very strange place while I read it. The descriptions of gore and terror are vivid and very visual. Interestingly the amount of archaic word usage had me pulling up a dictionary every couple of pages. This strange tongue, English - but still foreign, adds its own dimension to the story. Things that are familiar as set askew with the era specific idioms. These are people. They are from the United States but they are in Mexico. But they are as difficult to truly understand as the language used in their details. This is a fantastic book, but I warn the reader to be ready for a dark ride into a lonely place.

The Power of One - Bryce Courtenay

- Finished October 1st

As if I hadn’t read a depressing enough book with Blood Meridian, I decided to follow it up with this book. The Power of One takes place in South Africa in the late 1930s as you follow the life of a 5 year old boy. His mother is sent to an asylum and he is put into a boarding school. He is English, which are hated by the Boers, and the poor kid is tortured for the next hundred pages. It’s difficult to read about this poor kid being physically abused by bigger kids as well as the staff. The reader is rewarded throughout the rest of the book with a fascinating journey where the kid grows up with a mission to become the welterweight boxing champion of the world.

This book is very much an epic. It’s split into three sub-books, each focusing on 3-5 years of his life. The book ends around his 19th birthday and is filled with twists, turns, and a ‘chosen one’ storyline that the kid is aware of and has to deal with. It’s interesting to see the main character so self aware of a Jesus-like story line and his attempts to stop it while working toward his own personal goals. All in all this is a great read.

Farsighted - Steven Johnson

- Finished December 5th

Needing a break from all this fiction I decided to read Farsighted: How we make the decisions that matter the most. I was hoping this would be an examination into decision making, but it was more case studies of decisions that occurs mostly in New York. Going back into the 1700s, the author takes us through decisions from water supplies, historical battles, and real estate issues. I was hoping the book would be more prescriptive in how to make better decisions, but the author is just an author - not a researcher. All in all some interesting history but not what I was hoping for.

So it seems that I’m on average for about 7 books a year at this point. Hopefully I can step up the pace for 2019 as I’ve got a reading list as long as my arm at this point.

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abitoflit · 7 years

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Clarence Major, Amiri Baraka, Mari Evans and More!

In his literary commentary entitled, “A Black Criterion,” Clarence Major discusses how the African American writer must strip away at all that is expected of him/her by white readers and critics. They must forge a new identity for themselves as African-American writers, using their own criteria to distinguish literary works of art from those that need mending. He describes the importance and necessity of creating a new “presence” within the literary realm, “because seeing the world through white eyes from a black soul causes death,” (Major 720). Major feels as though the “African American experience” differs so radically from the “white experience” that it is simply nonsensical for them to write in the same fashion, and to an extent, of the same things. Furthermore, it doesn’t make sense for them, as far as he is concerned, to be held to the same standards. The African Americans owe it not only to themselves, but to society, to write of their viewpoints and their experiences through their own lens. In this way, they may create the most genuine and insightful literary works, which will in turn, contribute to society’s overall consciousness and the development of its denizens. By accomplishing these few feats, society and the African Americans who inhabit it will attain “total life,” (Major 721).

In his poem entitled, “Grief Streams Down My Chest,” Lance Jeffers relates the grief his own people, the African Americans, have felt, (presumably over issues such as slavery and segregation, although they are never directly named), and the Vietnamese people, (presumably following the atrocities of the Vietnam War). Jeffers expresses how even the Vietnamese mothers, who have lost their loved ones, understand this connection. However, Jeffers writes that he has only, “seen and dimly understood their suffering,” (Jeffers 470). In the final two lines of his poem, he betrays his true feelings; the sense that he has not suffered as much as the Vietnamese mothers he describes. For a time, I wondered why Jeffers could have felt this way. The only conclusion I could come to was the fact that the Vietnamese mothers were currently living through their pain; that of their people, whereas Jeffers was not. By the time Lance Jeffers was born, slavery had already been abolished. While segregation and racism were still present during his time, they also passed him by.

In Naomi Long Madgett’s poem entitled, “Her Story,” Madgett describes the three things, which led an African-American girl to attempt suicide. The narrator of Madgett’s poem begins by expressing how her name was ill-suited for her. How her given name, “Grace,” sharply contrasted her adult form, as a “big and black and burly,” (Madgett 472), individual. Second, the narrator relates how she wanted to be an actress, but couldn’t make it anywhere in the business, and was forced to wait tables in order to get by. She describes, bitterly, how men would invite her up to their rooms, (presumably to have sex). By painting a picture of her negative life experiences with words, the narrator betrays a hard truth, which clearly takes hold of her psyche, and serves to diminish its strength and wellbeing. While the narrator fails to be “good enough” to fulfill her dream of acting on a Broadway stage, she’s “good enough” to be a waitress in Harlem, and hear lascivious comments, asking for one night stands. With the final two lines of the second stanza, Madgett manages to transcend the plight of a single woman, (the subject of her poem), and relate her work to the plight of many women, living anywhere in the world. (Since it is not uncommon to hear of women who are consistently cat-called or hit on, while being kept from jobs in their desired field by the men who own the majority of the industry). Madgett accomplishes a similar feat in the third stanza, when the narrator discusses her attempted suicide. Madgett transcends the plight of her subject, by discussing an issue, which plagues many depressed and hopeless individuals. She describes how when a person is constantly surrounded by negativity, they may be driven to commit suicide.

In her poem entitled, “Status Symbol,” Mari Evans briefly describes the roots of the “New Negro.” She alludes to how president Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves with the Emancipation Proclamation, how her people progressed through the Civil Rights movement with peaceful demonstrations, etc. Then, she “fast-forwards” to the present day, and how she has acquired a job, and a status symbol. However, instead of being an item such as “money” or a “house,” which would betray a person’s financial and social status, the symbol is, “the / key / to the / White…Locked… / John,” (Evans 475). Having been given the key to the white man’s bathroom, is a sign that Evans has attained the status of a white individual. The end of the poem alludes to the cessation of segregation, as well as equal rights and opportunity for all American citizens. Overall, although the breakup of the poem was somewhat confusing and difficult to read through, the piece ended on a happy note, which was rather refreshing, given the more negative tone of many of the things we read during this course.

“Black Jam for Dr. Negro,” by Mari Evans, left me feeling as though the poem were being recited by a girl from the inner city. The improper use of English grammar, and replacement of correct vocabulary with slang, made me feel as though I were listening to an African American girl who had left her education behind, and sought out a life where she could teach herself what she felt was “black culture,” and all that was necessary for her survival. As far as I can tell, the narrator appears to feel as though part of “black culture,” is fighting against the constraints that whites place upon African Americans, and fighting “white expectation” of blacks. In order to accomplish these feats, the narrator feels the need to maintain her afro and “pop” her collar. She doesn’t feel the need to “walk heels first,” (Evans 477). Instead, she seems to feel contemptuous toward the white individuals who question her mode of dress, the way she walks, and the way she looks. While she acknowledges that these different things, (such as putting their collar down), work for white people, and that’s fine, it doesn’t work for her, and she would appreciate it if whites stopped trying to mold her into their ideal vision. She strongly asks that whites stop, “pilin it on rubbin it/in,” (Evans 477), because she knows she can’t live up to their standards, and doesn’t want to. Trying to be like white folks; individuals she clearly sees herself as having nothing in common with, hurts her.

Amiri Baraka’s poem entitled, “Look for You Yesterday, Here You Come Today,” was very confusing to me. No matter how many times I read it, I couldn’t quite be sure what its point was. Part of my confusion stemmed from the construction of the poem, with the different stanzas being scattered haphazardly over the pages. The second portion stemmed from a distraction formulated by what I am certain is a typo in the twenty-eighth line, when Baraka writes, “if I cd think of a way to do it,” (Baraka 481). I am certain that the line should have read, “if I could think of a way to do it,” which would be the proper use of the English language.

With that being said, my only guess would be that the poem was meant to contrast the life of an adult, with the life of a child. This is due to the fact that Baraka mentions things like “box tops,” “space helmets,” a glow-in-the-dark belt, and a “Captain Midnight decoder,” which are all items that may be associated with children. Furthermore, in the last stanza of the poem, Baraka seems to be alluding to the use of his imagination, as a contributor to the games he played as a child. In this case, he was the Lone Ranger. Each of these ideas is contrasted with those, which Baraka expressed earlier on during the course of his poem. Examples include the arrival of awful poems in the mail, a pregnant wife, etc.

Baraka’s poem entitled “Black Art,” seemed to have a fairly straightforward message, (that poems are bad, because they cannot live up to people’s expectations of them. Yet, they can be good when they do, and African Americans should write them to express themselves). At the same time, the poem seemed both jumpy and disjointed. It started off by talking about how poems are “bullshit,” before suddenly winding up on how people want “assassin” poems, and I didn’t feel like there was much of a transition between these two ideas. I wasn’t really sure how I wound up in this place, so to speak. Overall, I thought that the poem was poorly composed, and didn’t really care for it at all.

Works Cited:

Amiri Baraka, “Black Art,” in Online Course Resources, Richard Courage, African American Literature, Westchester Community College, n.d. Web. [June 5, 2016]

Chapman, Abraham. Black Voices: An Anthology of African-American Literature. New York: Signet Classics, 1968. Print.

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surveys-at-your-service · 7 years

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Survey #50

“i did my time, and i want out.”

where is your dad from? michigan where is your mom from? new york what're you listening to? "psychosocial" by slipknot when you put on makeup, what do you usually use? if i'm being lazy, just eyeliner. if i'm being more fancy, black eye shadow and black lipstick. do you enjoy teaching people, particularly about subjects or skills you are passionate about? HELL YES has your anxiety alone ever prevented you from doing something you wanted to do? that's like... a daily occurrence. do you enjoy reading stories and novels that are heavily stylistic, poetic, or unconventional or do you prefer your prose to follow a familiar grammatical structure? the first, by FAR. extend my vocabulary for one, but more importantly, just make shit poetic-sounding. be as descriptive as possible. what do you think matters more: individual happiness and satisfaction or entire group benefit? can you give an example for your rationale? i mean... i guess i believe in a balance. make sacrifices to benefit the group, but be considerate of everyone else's opinions, too. does media rhetoric about millennials tend to get it way wrong or do you find some of the criticisms and observations about this generation to be fair? both, really. do you tend to read reviews before you watch a movie or read a book? what do you hope to get out of doing so? nope. i tend to find reviews to be SO overly-critical. do you find that visiting certain websites can put you in a bad mood? have you ever taken a break from a website? not really. when you go to a concert, how far must you travel for the most usual venues you visit? i've only ever been to one concert, but most in nc happen in raleigh or charlotte. i'm pretty sure alice cooper was in raleigh... and that's an hour away. charlotte, i'm not sure how far away it is. if you feel that a friendship or new relationship is not going to work out, how do you handle that situation? do you allow it to continue in hopes of improvement or do you have any strategies on how to make it end? wait until it improves or, more accurately, work to improve it. i, generally, don't support ending any kind of relationship unless it is TRULY necessary. what is a personality trait you possess that you consider to be negative and positive (ex. you are a good judge of people but sometimes you judge others too quickly)? idk... tough question. what was the last sporting event you watched? who were you rooting for and who ended up winning? probably a hockey game with dad. i was rooting for the hurricanes, but i don't believe they won that game. have you ever created a fake internet persona for yourself? nope. what was going on in your life at this time last year? would you rather your current life be as it is right now or as it was then? i was the same, pathetic mess. i was grieving over jason, but i guess more heavily than i am now, so i assume i'd rather be how i am now? how similar is your current life to what you once imagined it would be at this moment (e.g., "i never imagined that i would have children at this age, but here i am!")? i... didn't imagine myself like this at all. i thought i'd be in a steady relationship, if not engaged. i thought i'd be living on my own. i believed i'd have my diseases under control. i assumed i'd have a happy job. i guessed i wouldn't be failing my college courses. i... pictured it very differently. in any of your areas of interest, is there a certain theory, viewpoint, or scholar that you tend to disagree with, even if it is popular among others? if no fields of interest come to mind, is there a line of advice that you disagree with, but is popular with others? ummmm... i'm not sure. i mean, i guess in interest of good mythical morning, i actually like how the weekend episodes focus on mike and alex. what is something that you feel is lacking in your life? are you working to achieve this or is it something that's more up to happenstance? i want... friends. if not someone more. i mean i only have one, maybe two people, who really act like my friends. and she's always busy. i'm ALWAYS on my own, and despite being an introvert... i've had enough alone time to last my ENTIRE life. being alone is like an abyss to me now; depression, anxiety, every negative emotion just fully envelops me. it's terrible. i miss jason so much, guys. we talked every day. i practically lived with him. he was just... such a pillar to me, he kept me upright, and then he just vanished. he was my everything. is it easy for you to get stuck in prolonged bouts of sadness or do you tend to bounce back very quickly? i have clinical depression. guess. do you enjoy going to weddings or showers? what is it that you like or dislike about them? i have such mixed emotions about them now. like when i was in ashley's and megan's... i just think of jason. that was supposed to be us. so basically, it's a ptsd trigger, yet i nevertheless find them absolutely holy and beautiful. think about your favorite thing to do. how easily would you be able to cope if you were physically non longer able to do that thing, or had to dramatically cut down on time spent doing it? what would you do instead? my favorite thing to do is take photographs. i... wouldn't be able to cope without it. it is the ONE THING i do that still brings me joy. i don't know what i'd do. what do you predict will happen to humanity in the future, with the imminence of global warming's destruction of the planet? e.g., there's no hope or we will leave the planet, etc. i personally think a different catastrophe will occur before global warming kills us. is there a person in your life whom you support by showing up for the sports games, concerts, or other performances? not anymore. i used to go to some magic games with jason, 'cuz that was his passion, but they always tampered with my anxiety, so. when you revisit some of your old favorites, whether music, films, or something else are you ever surprised at how much you dislike it now? yep. what does your favorite shirt look like? uh. idk. what kind of underwear do you prefer wearing? bikini, though i'm fat so i really shouldn't wear them. what are your favorite kind of jeans? skinny how many video games do you have? *cackles maniacally* how many does your dining room/kitchen table seat? we don't have a dining room table anymore. we had to sell it for the money. what kind of cookie do you like best? just chocolate chip do you get the meat from the deli? sometimes do you own a bike/scooter/skateboard/etc.? no, but i need one. i have GOT to lose weight. ever played on a sports team? yeah, i've done soccer, basketball, baseball, cheerleading, and dance. are you listening to any music? yeah. "now that we're dead" by metallica \m/ why did you take the last pill you took? it's for depression are you happy with your looks? honestly i think i would be if i was way skinnier. which was worst for you: freshman year of high school or of college? FUCK my freshman year of college. absolutely awful. do you prefer your men/women to have light hair or dark hair? dark. do you wish someone would call or text you right now? i'm constantly waiting for a call or text from jason, honestly. idk if he still has my number. who was the last person you laid in a bed with? colleen has a girl ever stayed up with you all night? a guy? girl, i don't think so. guy, yeah. it wasn't exactly uncommon that jason and i would be up all night fooling around, being dumb kids. the last person you kissed treat you right? more than that. he just didn't support me as well as he should've, so... who is someone who puts up with you no matter what? mom do you have trust issues? happens when you're constantly fucked over. if you could find one long lost friend of the past, who would it be? i guess mini is now considered a "long lost friend of the past." :/ i miss her so much. she was like my sister. she never talks to me anymore. when was the last time you colored with crayons? at the hospital do you sunburn easily? too easily what’s your favorite filling in chocolates? peanut butter omg what breed of dog do you find the most annoying? the stereotypical chihuahua. very yappy. what would you name your first born son? either vincent or luther. what is the most you have ever weighed? what i weigh now, which i'm really not comfortable sharing. girls, how old were you when you first learned how to put in a tampon? i'm not sure, but i was SO scared. i was afraid of putting in the "wrong hole"??? would you ever attend a gay pride parade or festival? no. honestly, i just don't feel strongly enough about the issue to do it. i should, though. have you ever had sex? oral sex, yeah, never actual, penetration sex. do you like oral sex? ha ha speak of the devil. i like receiving it, but i don't like giving it, as the whole concept is just really gross to me. i don't care how often you clean, it's just very gross. thus, i don't like to receive it because i don't reciprocate. do you think guys look good with make up? sometimes. have you ever pierced yourself? no, and i never would. i care too much about my piercings being clean and accurate. did you ever have a retainer? i have a metal one behind my bottom teeth, and the typical plastic one is... somewhere, lost in the abyss. i don't wear it. were you/are you popular in school? hell no. pretty sure everyone thought i was weird. have you ever 69'ed? back at it with the oral sex, jesus. anyway, no. are you a wrestling fan? ugh, no. jason was into it, and i've no idea why?? like, wrestling just seemed so far out of his aesthetic?? but he would watch it sometimes while gaming, and i'd have to drown it out. do you/did you like high school? overall? best time of my life. how long would you wait to become sexually active with someone you're dating? i'm waiting until marriage; i, in general, think you should start pondering marriage maybe like, three years in? so i guess that. when did you last make up a baby's bottle? never. really should learn these things before i have kids... ever been addicted to a video/computer game? which one? lmaoooo world of warcraft, bro. what’s something you should throw away, but can’t? what value does it hold to you? explain. i should reeeaaally stop holding onto the picture from jason's and my first prom. it's framed and all. it just... means too much to me. do you enjoy a good debate or prefer keeping the peace? I!! AM!! TERRIFIED!! OF!! CONFRONTATION!!!!!! where did you last stay overnight other than your house? i stayed two nights at colleen's a couple days back. can you ever see yourself and your ex back together? realistically, yes. i just KNOW i'd have major trust issues for a while, however. who is the funniest person you know? girt what would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? that's kinda like my ultimate life goal, soooo...? are you going to any concerts or festivals this summer? i WISH. :( i particularly wanna go to carolina rebellion. when was the last time you went to the movie theaters? what movie did you see? colleen, chelsea, and i saw "trolls" for a buck. it was SO cute. did you ever go to a mental hospital? oh, y'know, only four or five times now. are you a person that enjoys re-reading books? no. i've only ever re-read "because of winn-dixie." what do you think of country music? UGH. it's just not aesthetically pleasing to me, but it's also SO predictable and the singers whine about the same shit. when you apply your make-up, do you do it in a specific order? yeah. eyeliner, eye shadow, mascara, lipstick. do you like a partner who is clean cut or rugged? a mix of both? new tats in your near future? fuck yeah, man! i'm starting a half-sleeve on my birthday! how about piercings or re-piercings? mom said i can also get my lip re-pierced for my birthday. (: do converse look/feel uncomfortable to you? not at all. love them bitches.

#survey #quiz #questions #asks #answered

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mslizshowbizrant · 4 years

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GET OFF THE COUCH!

Title: GET OFF THE COUCH (How Trump Made Me A Better Person) Arthur: EMC2 (Twitter Handle: @MsLizShowBiz) Date: March 7, 2020 Time: 7:00pm, PT Genre: Political President Donald J. Trump, along with his administration advertised ideas to increase jobs and cut welfare. At some point even MEMES were formed by his team that advocated for people such as myself, to ‘get off of the couch and do something about our complaints.’ He explained from the beginning in his early speeches that he wants everyone to work, if possible. This is a republican sort of ideology, however. It makes sense he would promote that. But how he said it ‘struck a chord among minorities and the poor. The only reason why I knew what he meant was because of my perspective on life. But that does not mean every minority took what he said to be ‘non-offensive.’ The way he chose to promote his perspective, as a result, caused an uproar. This uproar occurred early in the presidential election of 2016. At some point, he even told minorities to “go back to their own countries” as if all of us were from somewhere else. Background: Donald J. Trump On the flip side, America is full of immigrants. Stories were published of how his family had immigrated here before he was ever born. But of course, he is not a minority. His family is white. They even started as mid/upper classed citizens when they had settled in America, as his father had a career in building homes. This was back in the ’30s to the ’40s when things were extremely different. When we look at Donald’s perspectives on things or any of the candidates still in the race for president today, it’s good to keep this in mind for why they may promote a certain viewpoint and why some of those viewpoints may come off ‘questionable.’ When we are children and teens, we are more influenced than when we are adults. But as ‘young adults’ our perspectives can be changed or altered depending on *experience. Things that happen at such times in life impact the rest of our lives. Either way depending on how we were raised, and/or where we live will often depend on our views of life and the decisions we make. For example, had Donald instead, been raised in the ghetto, he’d have known why he caused an uproar. His justification: “what do you have to lose? My response back: “Do we even have much to start with?” Background: Liz How is it that I was able to understand Donald’s message? Well, “I” did not grow up in the ghetto. Instead, I grew up a distance from the ghetto in a nice house, and material wise was given more than what a poor individual is usually offered. My parents were qualified for more opportunities. And therefore, could afford more for their children. Even when it came to school programs and expensive field trips I qualified as if I was ‘privileged.’ And with that said chose to participate in clubs and sports. Mom paid tutors when I needed them. I kept my grades as high as I could despite any setbacks I had (autism, a heart condition, dyslexia). And some would say, I came out to be an ‘over-achiever.’ But I worked hard to get there. (Important fact: I worked hard. I was not just handed awards on a silver platter. I worked for my achievements.) Well… Back in my day minorities in town did not like me too much because of this and often called me “Oreo.” From a poor person’s perspective or a minority viewpoint, I may have been raised under what they call “white privilege ideas” and not “minority struggles.” The closest friends I end up making during my childhood end up being people of middle and upper classes because of this. So, the way I took Donald’s comments were ‘non-offensive.’ I knew what he meant because I can see the differences. In a way, he was telling the truth. But only from the perspective of people who do choose to work hard to get ahead. Most who choose not to work hard do not get anywhere unless they have inherited a fortune. Otherwise, they just end up sitting and not making any difference at all. And then blame others for why they do not get far. Then there is my initial complaint I feel Donald advocated on. It’s as if he was watching me literally ‘screw up by choosing to sit and watch others around me either pass or fail at whatever they tried to achieve. The Results: Of course, this last election is years after I had grown up, and left that pretty house on the hill I was just talking about, to live among others. Time had settled in. New experiences in living among others began to cloud my perspectives of working hard to make anything happen. And so… I then was able to see why minorities called me “Oreo.” But instead of continuing with that “work hard” spirit I let negative perspectives around me consume my original viewpoint and started letting my setbacks pull ahead of me. This broke my confidence level, which stopped me from wanting to care about anything important after a while because I felt it did not matter how hard I worked if society was always going to see me the same way. Even before I have said or done anything at all, simply because I am a description of a certain stereotype. Sad… Because the stereotype created was only made to keep division alive among people.

My Complaint: It seems already fixed for minorities to have to struggle. And because I am of the minority I am not truly offered equal opportunities those before me had nearly died for. Privileges seem to go to those of lighter skin complexion. And worse, even when I do follow the law, in general, the law seems to always find a reason to harass and force authority on people who are of the same or similar nationality as I. Now we come to times technology has enhanced communications while undermining privacy. Hackings of systems have caused issues in protecting personal information. Reports show facial recognition is not working as well in finding the real criminals as people may think it is. For some reason, it seems to have the hardest time recognizing “dark” faces. And because of an increase in government spending for programs that are supposed to help the poor, taxes have been set too high to make a difference for the poor unless the poor decide to break the law. Inflation has made it even harder for such individuals to afford much, let alone proper schooling, shelter, food, clothing, or healthcare. Why try? Some of us cannot even get a job at a restaurant anymore if we are not ‘bilingual. And the minorities who do get employed, still struggle since businesses have only hired them for their cheap labor and language barrier concerns. Some of us may as well just sell what we can so our families can afford to keep whatever roofs we do have. What Does Donald Do? He becomes president, looks into cutting welfare to only benefit the ones who need it, increases jobs in areas close to urban communities so people can find more work, increases funding for community and black colleges, combats drugs being dealt on the street in such communities, so people will not sit and do drugs throughout the day instead of going to work. And then forever promotes that he is indeed encouraging people to work. People of all nationalities, so long as they did not illegally immigrate here and ask for handouts through the very government programs a lot of people abuse each day by choosing to sign up for benefits and offer nothing back in return. What Did I Do? I asked, ‘why this needed to be done?’ Then asked, ‘how much of an impact was being made by people doing nothing?” I asked ‘why it mattered so much’ then complained of the unfairness in the system. Further complained that welfare does not cost as much as other things we could cut. Then after having my fit, I grew curious and looked at my life. And realized the reason why I was letting him get to me at all was that he was telling the truth. I just did not want to hear it. I wanted to just sit and cry and keep my benefits. And I was wrong for that, probably even a bit selfish. Because overall I was choosing to waste my youth instead of working hard to secure myself or any family I would have in the future. And while doing so, costing others who did choose to work, to pay even more in taxes so I can sit and do nothing. Yes, I had an excuse. But Donald began to solve the problem with each excuse I made until I ran out of excuses.

Soon, I looked at myself and realized, I was not as happy as I was before when I did have a drive for something and worked hard to achieve it. I noticed my days were getting boring and repetitive. And that the system was set well for me to keep sitting on welfare ‘if I felt like it. But that doing so was not improving my health, my future, or my attitude. It was not doing a thing for society. Overall, I was simply hiding indoors because of what society had become under Obama’s care in increasing government handouts for minorities while allowing monopolies to grow. Then in all my questioning and realization, I recognized that no one had ever made me that curious or excited about anything before asides for my father, who had passed away right around the time I had begun to feel sour about being stereotyped. That event alone lead me into the spiral of depression for why I had become ‘frustrated, cold-hearted, short-tempered and soon narrow-minded.’ Where I Am Today Because of Donald Trump: My father passed away a year or so before Donald’s victory. The passing broke my family financially and emotionally. So, by the time Donald got to the White House I was not in good spirits. But my curiousness in his winning and changes in policy began to set in overtime. Enough for me to attempt reaching out to him and other politicians regardless of what amount of power they hold over me and then listen to their intentions to change my whole life around but probably never live to see my face. That little feeling (of what some would call a kick in the head) got me to look around and question the environment I’m in. Realizing where I was in life, and finally admitting the truth: I had given up. And doing so got me nowhere. It hurt to admit it more than any other pain I ever faced in life. But instead of being upset, I continued to listen to Donald further overtime. His ideas made me even more curious about how the world works. Soon I got curious enough to be inspired and got up to try to make a difference. But my curiosity in trying to answer the questions I was asking caused me to pay further attention to the economy and how everyone plays a role in it. Soon I am engaging in responsibilities I thought I never would. Like “settling down, and getting married.” Or “returning to school to finish building my dreams” and “joining committees and clubs that will benefit me and my family.” Guess what I return to school to study though… POLITICS! And why is that? Oh, Because I wanted to know “why,” remember? So now I have a better idea of why what I was doing was wrong, I’d rather now try and do what is right. But honestly, despite his popularity, since I choose back then to hardly recognize public figures, I did not even think “Donald J. Trump” was a real person until he started running for president. I did not watch his shows. I hardly recognized him in movies. I never bought any of his merchandise and in truth, I thought he was a building that I would never afford to visit. The one time I did recognize his name was when I took a class survey in high school that questioned us and depending on how we answered the questions, depended on the prediction of our ‘future bosses.’ Mine came up as “Donald J. Trump.” I asked, “Who the hell is that?” And was laughed at for the rest of the school year. Students at first thought I was joking… When I found out he was a powerful man, I felt rather lost. And almost chose not to believe a person like him existed. He could have walked up to me and started talking, and I would have never recognized him as anyone important. Just a suit, with blond hair and blue eyes looking down at me. And I probably would not have treated him any differently than anyone else who approaches me daily. Before he got to the White House, I did not care at all about most things that went on outside of my apartment and just wanted to be left alone. Not “spied on, computer hacked, bombarded with surveys, confused by media outlets, or purposely targeted by people outside of the country with propaganda, request to join Antifa cults, Islamic groups, or request to get married to strangers on Facebook who ignores my relations with a man I had been with for years, so they can move into the country and probably divorce me soon after.” The whole MEME WAR of the presidential election and the first year he was in office, ruined my ideas of being ‘left to my small world of problems.’ Today I am a married woman attending a university to continue my studies. I have joined at least 1 sorority club, and am apart of at least 2 grassroots committees. Of course, now, I know very well who ‘Donald J. Trump’ is. Unfortunately, my health has taken a turn and has caused me to not be able to walk but only for a short time or eat/drink most of my favorite foods and beverages (syncope, an acid reflex, autism, dyslexia, heart conditions, and possibly gout). Nonetheless, now that I know “why” I should not sit and do nothing; I cannot go back to the way I was thinking prior. The whole idea behind the topic I chose to study screams why that would be a terrible idea. But I would have not done any of this if Donald did not become president and tell people like me to “get my shit together.” Then, make me get my shit together by making changes to the system to make that happen. Funny. The only person in my life asides for Donald who was able to convince me to get up and try was my father (which also grew up in the same times Donald had). And no, my father was not a “nice” person. But, like Donald Trump, he was quick to call people out when they were wrong about something and soon somehow, get them motivated enough to make a difference. If you look at me today and compare, you may notice that I do not even sound like the same person I did before Donald got to the White House and started making changes to the system. Am I more successful? YES. That is the funny part. His idea worked. It may not be what others wanted to happen. But it worked. It is pretty interesting. Donald had to do all of that just so I and people such as myself would finally ‘get off the couch and leave our small apartments to continue living among others.’ So no, I cannot say he has not impacted my life. That was the first thing he did the moment he was declared “President of the United States.”

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wendyimmiller · 5 years

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A Spring for the Ages; Endurance, Rainfall, Beauty, Raw Nerves, Blind Panic, and Two Cases of the Bends

Yeah, that’s about describes my Spring. Yours?

It all started with a misguided nod to appear on our Township’s Garden Tour. Did this sometime last Winter. I’d been drinking. When our garden didn’t appear on the first draft of the flyer, did I take it as a sign? Nope. A smart person would have laid low and slipped out of that commitment like it was a time share they’d been sold, but not me. Being the same impaired idiot who had agreed to the idea in the first place, I reminded the Township.

The best image I could find of my garden in March.

The second prettiest March pic of my garden.

3 of 3 of March photos. Sea of mud. Just enough life emerging to keep one from hijacking a bus.

Our garden had been on the tour several years ago but the intervening years have had their share of drama with the most carefree and joyous parts of our lives and all but the most basic of garden maintenance finding themselves shoved to the side like a road killed raccoon in the path of a snowplow. But, you know hope springs eternal. It was a new year, a different time, and I told myself, “Hey, this will be fun. And it will motivate you to make some of those improvements you’ve been thinking about.” Yep. That’s what I told myself.

Sloppy selfie.

Of course, it did do that. Just like it almost killed me. For whatever delusional reason, I failed to factor into the decision-making process that my life would remain just the same as it’s always been—a lurching, noisy, rickety, breathlessly busy, confused and confusing, poorly conceived extended round of experimental performance art liberally embellished with unpleasant surprises at inopportune moments. Somehow, I had forgotten that.

Spring comes in increments, and little things sometimes distract you momentarily from the overall ugliness and all the work that must be done.

Meh. Ugh.

And there is nothing like a looming garden tour to sober you right up real fast. First walk-through after you’ve agreed to such a thing and, bam, there you are–clear-eyed, stammering, and horrified, seeing your garden from the viewpoint of carloads of judgmental strangers. Make this walk-through like I did in March–that most hopelessly depressing, mercilessly ugly, butthole-with-a disease month of the year–and it’s the horticultural equivalent to waking up with some person you hooked up with at a dive bar deep into the early morning hours of the previous night. So you do the only things that come to mind. First you drink. Then you cry. Finally, you beseech the Almighty for an asteroid to come screaming out of the sky and smash all your years of bad ideas, lousy plant choices, inexplicable design decisions, ill-advised gardening practices, plastic containers, fake flamingos, and scuzzy gazing balls into tiny burning fragments that all fall on top of your neighbor’s boat.

Well, okay.

And a late night of work rewarded by a decent scene in the fading light.

But you know from long experience that God has a very spotty record of answering your prayers and that your luck isn’t good enough to guide a comet in on its own, so you do the only thing you can: you go outside and garden like hell. Like some nervous dervish all ramped up on speed. Rinse and repeat, you’re doing this from mid-March to May 19th, every night after work until it’s too dark to tell garlic mustard from poison ivy and every weekend from the crack of dawn to long after dark. Dehydrated most of the time, of course. And you have to fit this in and around record rainfall, a pair of weekend trips you’d committed to previously, and a bunch of appointments and presentations that wind up eating 15 weeknights and about six weekend days.

Neither aminal was much help. Martin, The Heart of Darkness, just distracted us with his constant plotting of our doom.

And Zaku, the blind old dog, kept himself busy by walking on every perennial just as it went into bloom.

I won’t go into every gory detail about every dumb mistake, disturbing discovery, and newfound deep disappointment, but I will tell you, as an example, about removing my old nursery hoop house. It had stood for years, looming, rusting, and listing prominently in the background of every otherwise scenic garden view and photograph. It had to go and it did. Big job. Cut my hands repeatedly on unseen metal burs, but, except for having to pull old landscape fabric from under Pompeii-like strata of soil, it fought its demise with a little less resistance than expected.

The old hoop house/ship wreck had earned its place in the next life.

I thought I’d experience an emotional moment at its loss. I’d learned a lot growing plants back there, reared loads and loads of rare and favorite plant material, some of which bought favor and friends when I shared them with gardeners and horticulturists I admired. And, in fact, I was overwhelmed with an emotion when it was gone. Pure euphoria. I had no idea how much I’d come to hate that thing. It’s removal felt better than playing hooky.

Of course, the best time to return to veggie gardening after a 27 year hiatus is in the middle of the rushiest spring rush that ever lived.

But that joy was not long for this world. Not when I was confronted by that big blank weedy place where the hoop house had lived. Not as ugly as it had been, but still ugly enough to give carloads of judgmental garden tour strangers a lot to talk about. So I laid waste to the weeds and built raised beds for vegetables, doing my damnedest to make them look better than almost all of those other raised beds for vegetables I’ve seen. Several trips to Home Depot for wood and hardware, truckloads of soil harrowingly wheel-barrowed along a bumpy and narrow path around the swimming pool, and a last-minute scattering of straw in the paths, and, son of a…, it actually looked just like I’d hoped: not quite as ugly as those other vegetable beds I’ve seen.

More night gardening yields an okay shot with a Pixel II. Great camera. Terrible phone.

After about half a dozen big projects like this and hundreds of little ones, we were about two weeks out from the tour and I started feeling a little better. You might even say confident. Perhaps a bit cocky. May had come, things had greened up, and all the plants I’d forgotten I had were reappearing, covering ground, screening ugliness, and some even went into bloom.

The mossy step project. A slippery slope of grassy mud that spilled down into the backyard was deemed too hazardous for old people, so old railroad ties from the hoop house were re-purposed into stairs. Only the last one was too high, so a mossy step was conceived and somewhat successfully executed, but it was one of many time-consuming ad hoc projects, and proved in the end almost as slippery as the grassy mud.

Heady in this moment, I heard these words leave my mouth, cross through air, and go into my son’s ears, “Hey, why don’t you have your (upcoming) wedding in our garden?” Whoa. I knew my mistake immediately and wanted nothing more than to suck those words right back out of the universe and into my chest, but, alas, they’d been said. And they’d been heard. And Tom seemed excited by the idea.

Despite record rainfall, plant life somehow still emerged itself out of March’s primordial ooze.

He and his fiancee had been planning their June 1st wedding as a guerrilla ceremony, to be held surreptitiously at a small, backwater Cincinnati Park that overlooked the river. This way they could avoid notifying the park district, the associated bureaucracy, and the rental payment. While we all thought looking out for the cops would lend a certain urgent element of adventure to the event, but it also meant parking would be difficult and conditions for our older loved ones could prove life-threatening if the rain didn’t let up and the grass didn’t get cut.

The open little glade that seemed just right for a wedding.

A fawn found in the garden the morning of the wedding was perceived as a sign of fertility.

Long story short, we hosted the wedding, and it’s mind-blowing the vast amount of space that exists between “garden tour worthy” and “wedding ready.” May 19th to June 1st, there I was again, out in the yard, gardening like a mofo. Literally, and I mean literally, 3:15 PM day of the wedding, guests in the yard, and I’m dashing between them, head to foot in filth, trying to get inside for a quick shower in time for the 4:00 PM start.

Mother and son the day before.

But, gotta tell you, weeks of rain and gray skies opened up that afternoon to a glorious blue sky with billowing white clouds that towered like mountains in the sun. And, the wedding was perfect! A sweet, happy, beautiful couple, lovely self-written vows, pretty bridesmaids, and, hell, even the groomsmen looked good enough in their tuxes and all lined up in a row. And the garden? Well, it was far from perfect, but it strutted its stuff knowing it had never ever looked better. It made a splendid backdrop for the wedding and the photos.

The happy bride and her loving father. Laying that runner with filthy hands was the last job I did.

The ceremony,and a hodgepodge of anything I could buy in bloom and stuff into the bed in the foreground. Background held down by big leaf magnolias.

Afterwards, we all adjourned to the Irish Heritage Center for a night of delirious fun and celebration.

Michele and I, partying like people a fraction of our ages and having the time of our lives!

Back home, joyous, exhausted, and plunging straight into illness.

Next day, with all that we could do done, my wife Michele and I both woke up sick as can be. She had a sore throat and congestion. I had full-on aches and pains. No matter the symptoms, I knew we both had the bends because we had decompressed too hard.

Never was any good at container design, but this year I raised my game a little.

Now, still a little buzzed on this meager success, I’m already thinking about signing up for next year’s garden tour. It seems I just have this need for high-stakes, stress, and tales of adventure with happy endings And I’ve never been any good at learning from my mistakes.

In almost 40 years together, I’ve never seen her so beautiful.

A Spring for the Ages; Endurance, Rainfall, Beauty, Raw Nerves, Blind Panic, and Two Cases of the Bends originally appeared on GardenRant on June 18, 2019.

from Gardening https://www.gardenrant.com/2019/06/a-spring-for-the-ages-endurance-rainfall-beauty-raw-nerves-blind-panic-and-two-cases-of-the-bends.html via http://www.rssmix.com/

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turfandlawncare · 5 years