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concentrateandpush · 4 years

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Who's the Daddy?

-WARNING-

This story mentions abortion.

So, it all started about 8 weeks ago.. I went out with the girls, it was such a good night and I saw a guy I used to date, Tyler. We were together when we were younger and I fell pregnant, he didn't want the baby, I did but he won and I got rid of it. After that, he couldn’t look at me because of the guilt he felt for forcing me to abort my own baby.

He looks older, he feels like a man now and not like the boy I used to know. "Hey, Cassie May" he says softly, touching my right arm. "Tyler Jay.. how are you? It's been.. a long time" I smiled at him. The girls in my peripheral vision are shaking their heads and I can see Emmy mouthing "Don’t even think about it". One drink, two drinks, three drinks and I'm back at his.

His room looks way more grown up, he has a double bed now.. where's the movie posters gone Tyler? Back to the future was his favourite. I know what he wants, if I'm honest, I cant even remember if we had good sex and I've had sex with way too many men to remember our sex. But I remember the phrases he would use, the words he would initiate with and that he liked my birthmark on my right upper thigh.

"You okay with this?" He asks as he removes my dress, I nod, he pulls my tights off and starts kissing my thighs. His body feels new, like a guy I've never slept with, I'm not familiar at all and I'm not sure if he is. He climbs up and starts to kiss me, he used to taste like orange tic tacs but he doesn’t now. As I feel his tongue on mine, I feel him inside me, he's big and he knows what he's doing. He thrusts deeper and harder the more we go along and circles my areolas with his thumbs.

It lasts a long time, I climax no less that 3 times and then he makes that face, this is the moment I remember him, that deviant look in his eye as he injects me with his sperm again causing my body to shake with anxiety remembering that the last time he did this, the time he implanted his young and made me kill it. "Get off" I scream at him, he looks scared, like he just did something he shouldn't have. "You said it was okay?" He bites quickly and reaches for my arm. "Don’t touch me" I shout as I run to the corner of the room, what am I doing? I knew what was going to happen, I knew he would want sex.

I call Emmy and it's like shes been expecting the call "Em, please come and get me, I'm at Tyler’s" I say as I dress myself before running down the stairs. "Cassie" he shouts after me "Cassie, we didn’t have to do that, it was okay if you just wanted to hang out" he says softly. "Tyler, it's not you, I wanted you to do that, I just.. I didn't expect to freak out, it's the.. the last time you had sex.." I try to explain but I cant bring myself to say it.

"I know" he says softly "I know I was hard on you, and I mean.. it turned out okay didn’t it? I mean we would have a 10 year old, were only 24 Cassie" he adds. I feel my body wanting to throw up, is he trying to justify what I did? Is he trying to say what he did was right. I just look at him, staring.. wondering what our child would have looked like.. and then there she is, Emmy hoots her horn, she's outside.

She lectured me the entire way home, "You know what he made you do, against your will".. "He took a choice from you that was yours".. amongst a million "I told you so's". Neither of us quite knew where this was all going to go, until now, 8 weeks later.

I don’t know why I'm doing this test, I know I'm pregnant. I feel nauseous, bloated, my boobs hurt and my period? What period? Why, out of every guy I've slept with, is it him who gets me pregnant.. twice. There it is, two little lines, two pink lines.. what the fuck am I meant to do now. "Cassie? Cassie?! What are you doing? You've been in there ages.. CASSIE?" My brother shouts.

"Um two minutes" I shout.. my brother, Joe, and I are close, he hates Tyler. He's going to kill me. I put the test in my back pocket, open the door and run over to my room. "She's feisty today" he laughs and then realises I'm crying. I'm lying in my bed, facing the wall and I hear him come in softly. "What is it Cas?" He strokes my hair and says "It doesn't matter what it is, you can tell me".

"I did it again" I say, softly. "Did what? Cas, what are you on about?" He asks. He is so patient, we've always been so close, he has always been my biggest fan. "I went out with the girls.. a while ago now and I bumped into Tyler" he nods at me, innocently having no idea what I'm going to say next. "I slept with him" I say, quickly. "He's such a dick Cas, I dont know why you.. why are you telling me this now?" I watch the cogs turn in his mind and his face turns green "You're not.. are you?" he says softly and I nod in response.

"You're so fucking stupid Cas, you know how horrible he was last time, you know you're worth way more than he offers you.. Cassie, you-", I cut him off, "I know all this, Joe.. I know" I say laying on my bed holding my stomach. "You're keeping it" he snaps "There is no way you're getting rid of it, I saw how much it damaged you before, you were a shell of a girl for years." I nod "Yeah I-" he stops me and says "No excuses Cas.. wait, what?". "I'm keeping this baby Joe, I'm not telling him, I know he wont want it, it's my choice, he doesn’t need to know" I say as I rub my stomach. "Oh, Cas" he says tearfully as he holds me letting me nuzzle in to his neck.

Now my brother knows.. there's only one other person I need to tell.. Emmy, my stomach is in knots, I call her and tell her to come over. She walks in with a McDonalds "You on? You sound all hormonal and stuff" she says as she throws the bag at me, how does she even know? "Emmy" I say seriously knowing it’ll make her listen. I reach into my hoodie pocket and hand her the test, she takes it off me and it takes a moment to process.. "No.. you're, you're pregnant?" she cries. "I'm pregnant" I cry with her.

"When did you find out?" She asks, "literally 15 minutes before I called you" I laugh. "Who's the dad Cassie?" She asks, then the penny drops "Not Tyler, anyone but Tyler..". I sit there and just shake my head crying, I don’t want it to be Tyler's, why couldn't it be anyone, literally anyone else’s. "I'm not telling him" I say firmly, "Too fucking right you aren’t telling him" she says in response.

The days have gone super fast and it's my 12 week scan today, I'm so excited, Emmy is coming too. I reach the hospital and wait in the waiting room for what feels like an eternity. "Cassie Rovers?" I hear my name on the tanoy. Oh God, that's me, Emmy gets up and walks over but I feel overwhelmed, everything has built up to this, I'm so ready but my body isn’t moving. Next thing you know I have a nurse kneeling at my lap and Emmy holding my hand "Count all the red things you can see", "Breathe with me", "In and out Cassie".. panic attacks, the bane of my life.

"I'm glad you're feeling better, it's an overwhelming experience, seeing your baby for the first time" the nurse says. I watch her spread the cold gel on my tiny bump and look around in there. "Here’s your baby" she smiles as she turns the screen to me "Do you want to know the sex?" She asks, I look at Emmy and she nods. "Yes please" I say eagerly. "Its a little girl" the nurse tells me smiling as I cry with my eyes shut and I feel Emmy hold my tight, crying herself.

I'm 32 weeks gone, baby is amazing, she kicks me every second of the day, which is getting painful the more she grows. Emmy moved in with us, her and Dave broke up and she stayed at mine most of the time, she has offered to help with baby until she finds somewhere. I'm currently lying in bed, I have to pick up the pram and crib today, I cant wait to get the nursery together now. I'm lucky my parents have such a huge house, I am blessed to not worry about money through this.

I feel like an invalid not being able to carry things, luckily Joe is home today so he can perform uncle duties and go to fetch the pram and crib for me. I need to grab some groceries when were out.. well, nutella.

People are so different, as I walk through this supermarket, people treat me so weirdly because of the bump. Fuck, its him, I haven't spoken to Tyler since I ran out of his apartment that night. Fuck. Fuck. "Hey Cassie May" he taps me from behind, I turn around and see him look down at my huge bump, he's with a girl.. "Hey, Tyler" I smile awkwardly looking at the girl with him "This is Amber.. my girlfriend" he says reluctantly as he looks at my belly.

I smile and wait for him to form conversation.. I know what's going through his head. "Ah when are you due?" Amber asks, she seems nice. "8 weeks left" I say smiling at her. "Ah we’ve just found out, I'm due in November" Amber says smiling at me. I don’t know how to handle this, how can I be okay with the fact that I'm also carrying his baby. not only that but he's happy with her keeping her baby, but made me.. I suppose he might have changed. I start hyperventilating, trying to gather myself and steady myself with he cart, everything is jumping out at me, I cant get my breathing right "Cassie?!" I see Emmy run for me before I collapse.

I come around on the floor of the store. "Cassie? Cassie are you okay?" Tyler asks, why is he still here?. "Yeah, I'm okay, did I fall?" I ask rubbing my bump protectively. "No I caught you" he says. "You've done enough damage, go on, leave" Emmy says angrily. "What have I done?" Tyler asks, both of them leaning over me at this point. Tyler looks at my bump, at me and then at Emmy and back to my bump. I don’t know what to say because, poor Amber is stood here newly pregnant and happy, I could keep it to myself.

"Am I missing something?" Amber asks as Emmy helps me off the floor, with difficulty. "No.. we should go" Tyler says as he pulls her away looking back at me.

It's later that night, 3AM, Emmy is sleeping, Joe is sleeping and Mom and Dad are out, drinking. I hear my phone buzz, "Come to the meeting point".. I know its Tyler instantly, we used to meet behind the garage in my garden, I look out and see him stood there, he looks drunk. I walk down the stairs cradling my baby bump in my dressing gown and out the garden causing the stone patio to make a noise and the garden lights to come on.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him anxiously. "Is it mine?" He asks, showing no emotion what so ever, I look down, I don’t know if I even want to tell him. "It is, isn’t it?" He says aggressively "Now everything in my life is coming together, you have to fuck it up for me" he rants. I turn around and begin to walk up to the house again, trying my best not to cry in front of him. "Fucking tell me" he shouts pulling me around to him. "Yes, she's yours, I don’t want you involved, you caused enough trouble last time" I say angrily as I storm up the path.

I notice he's gone quiet, no noise at all and I look up and the door that's a few foot in front of me. "I'll fucking do it" he shouts, I turn around and he's holding a gun to his head. "Tyler, put the gun down" I say walking towards him slowly, "You don’t want to do that" I say holding my hand out. "No, maybe you're right, maybe this bullet needs to go through someone else" he turns the gun on me and I start to panic. My hands start to shake and my legs go to jelly, I hold my belly and crouch down as far as I can "Please, Tyler, I will never tell her about you, I'll never tell Amber about this" I beg. "Shut up" he shouts kicking my foot as he cries. "Cassie? CASSIE" I hear my dad shout and run down the garden throwing himself on Tyler and then a gun shot sounds.

I’m crouched on the floor, hyperventilating and trying my best to move but I’m stiff. I hear my Mom run down shouting my Dads name and in no time, Joe and Emmy run down the stairs. Joe quickly runs in and takes the gun from Tyler and flips Dad over who is covered in blood. "Dad?! DAD" I shout as I pull myself over to him "I'm okay, I'm okay" he says as he pulls himself from Tyler as he still sobs on the floor. "My arm, that's all" he says as he stands up and I'm left on the floor looking at Tyler.

"You never come near me or my daughter, ever again" I tell him sternly as he stands. "Our daughter" he says before spitting on me and I just sit there crying. "Fuck" I moan, "Can you help me up?" I say to Emmy as she pulls my round, sore body from the grass. "I need to wash" I say walking up to the house, the ambulance already outside for my dad. "Cas" Emmy shouts to me, trying to check that I’m alright. "Not now, Em" I shout back walking in to the house. I get in the bathroom and lock myself in, crying out loud alone as I lean against the bath.

Two weeks has passed since that night. I'm okay, it's just so hard knowing this baby that I love so much, is his, yet he wanted to kill me. "Not long now" I say smiling as I rub my underbelly. I've been having Braxton hicks all night, they don’t seem to go when I'm moving.. but it's too early for labor. My stomach cramps up as I move positions, god, if Braxton hicks are this bad imagine labor. It's so intense, I breathe it out slowly with my eyes shut and I hear Emmy barge through the door.

"OMG what's happening?" She shouts as she sits on the bed next to me rubbing my bump "Lean on me, I'm right here I'm not going anywhere" she says softly as I nuzzle into her. Its stopped thank god. "It stopped" I sigh with relief. "What's happening" she demands. "Its okay, it's too early for labor, I'm only 34 weeks, and it's my first time, she's not coming yet" I say calmly as she looks at my seriously. "I think it's worth checking" she says before calling my midwife and asking her over.

She turns up around 10 minutes later, I made the choice to get the closest midwife to me. Once she’s in my room, I nervously pull my panties off and spread my legs. The check doesn’t hurt, but it’s certainly uncomfortable. "Baby is doing good and should be here today or tomorrow" the midwife smiles checking me over. "She cant be, I'm 6 weeks early" I say. "Sometimes we get things wrong, baby has measured large every scan so it's possible that you were further ahead than we said" she says and I look at Emmy panicked. "I'm going to head off, give me a call when things come together" she smiles and takes her bag out to the car driving off.

I lay on my bed for a few minutes before speaking, I look at Emmy and she hasn’t realised what this means. "Emmy, if I'm full term.. you understand what this means?" I ask as she smiles "yeah the baby's coming we get to meet her earlier". I shake my head "Emmy, its not Tyler’s" I say softly. Emmy goes nuts, shouting and screaming that I should have "worked it out sooner". "Who's is it?" She asks curiously. I cant concentrate on working this out with the pain I'm in, I lean my head back and breathe through the contraction taking deep breaths. I don’t know what’s more unsettling, the pain, the fact that I have no idea who the father is or that Emmy looks like she’s about to pass out seeing my wriggle in pain.

Once the contraction stops, I look back at my calendar working out people and parties.. its Simon's. Simon is a guy I went to uni with, he is so beautiful and kind, truly a gentleman. "I cant call him Em, I cant call someone I haven't spoken to since a drunk night out" I remember the night. "Simon asked me out, I told him I don’t date.. I woke up in his and he had made me breakfast. I didn’t speak to him after that, but he really is lovely.. I guess I was scared about how I felt for him. Hes been through so much. I love him to bits" I say softly. "You never said that about Tyler" Emmy says "not even as a throwaway comment.. maybe you should call him".

I pick up my phone and scroll through my contacts, Simon.. call. He picks up after the first ring. "Hey Simon, can we talk? I.. I'm so sorry that I have to tell you like this but I-I'm having a baby, like right now.. and it’s yours but if you don’t-, yeah, of course, its 143 Dreadwood Lane. See you in a minute". He's coming over.. how is he so nice.. "He's coming" I say to Emmy as she smiles.

The contractions are a lot harder to cope with, I'm having to squat, it's the only relief I can get. I hear the door and then Emmy talking his ears off. Is this really the first way I'll see him in all this time? I'm currently on all fours, in a baggy jumper and shorts, panting, sweating and trying not to scream. "Hey" he says, stood in the door holding a bunch of flowers looking down at me. He puts them on the side and kneels next to me putting his hand on my back, "Here, this should help" he says as he rubs my lower back. It does help, so much.

"I did a bit of googling on my way over" he laughs "Emmy said the contractions are close" he smiles. I nod "7 minutes apart". At this point everyone is in and out of my bedroom, Mom, Dad, Emmy, Joe and now Simon. But, Simon stays with me until this contraction ends. "I'm so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, if I'm being honest, I thought it was someone else’s. I thought I was 32 weeks but according to my midwife, I'm 41 weeks, making me overdue" I tell him. "Its okay, I'm sorry for the other guy, it must have been awful for him when he found out it wasn’t his baby" he says sincerely. "You have no idea.." I laugh.

"I'll always be here, I'll be a good Dad" he says. I look at him and smile "I know.. I know you will" I say softly. I don’t know if it's the hormones or just him but he is so attractive, I look at his brown eyes and his perfectly shaped lips. He leans forward and tucks my hair behind my ear. I see him moving in closer again and kissing me passionately. "Oh my god" Emmy shouts as she walks in, seeing me on top of Simon kissing him, she runs out and shuts the door and myself and Simon laugh.

A few hours pass, Simon's in the kitchen and Emmy comes in to the bedroom, the contractions are 5 minutes apart, my waters are still intact. "You dirty slag" Emmy says laughing at me and I laugh. "Your dad just told him about Tyler" she says. I nod at her and rub my bump leaning my head back feeling another contraction coming. "You're okay, breathe it through" she says softly brushing my hair from my face. "Its all in my back" I moan out as I breathe, Simon walks past the door and sees that I'm in pain and comes in to rub my back "That's it Cassie, good job" he says softly as I labor on my back, spreading my legs to ease the pressure. The contractions ends soon and I know I just need a second with the baby, nobody else.

"Can I have some time alone?" I ask Emmy and Simon, "if I need you I can call you back" I smile. I lay back and talk to baby as I rub my sore and swollen tummy. "Now, I need you to be super strong for me through this. I love you so much already and cant wait to meet you. I'm sorry I've not been the best through this pregnancy but I'm going to look after you forever and always" I say softly.

"So.. how come you're such a nice guy?" Emmy asks Simon. "What do you mean?" He replies, laughing a little. "Not many guys would hear that they're about to have a baby and actually turn up.. especially with flowers" she says bluntly. "Cassie hasn’t told you about us has she?" He says laughing as Emmy looks furious, clearly thinking I’ve withheld juicy information. "Nothing like that" he chuckles "My Mom.. she died when we were in uni, Cassie came back with me after a night out and my Mom had fallen, she had cancer and was pretty fragile. Cassie spent the night talking with her, stroking her hair, making her tea and doing crosswords. The next morning, I told my Mom that I'd marry Cassie even if it took the rest of my life, she said 'I'll do what I can from my side' and then she passed away". "That's beautiful and I’m sorry about your Mom, she would be so proud of you" Emmy says as she hugs Simon "Thank you for being here, she deserves someone like you, she's been through a lot".

I carry on talking to baby, just whispering and slowly rubbing small circles around my tummy. It gets pretty intense and I lean back against the headboard as I get over a contraction, as I move back I hear a pop and feel a gush between my legs. "Guys" I shout "GUYS" I shout even louder with a slight moan. Simon runs in first, Emmy to follow and then my Mom, Dad and Joe. "Okay, my waters have broke, I need someone to call my midwife, someone to take me to the hospital and I need my bag" I order, almost like my maternal instincts took over and I felt okay to dictate what happened. "I want Simon and Emmy with me when I go to the hospital" I say hoping I won’t offend my parents and Joe.

The journey to the hospital was fast and my contractions are on top of each other now. Before we get out of the car, I tell my birthing partners "Right, I'm doing this as naturally as possible okay? No epidurals, nothing foreign goes inside my body" Emmy nods and Simon salutes me "Yes boss" he smiles at me before picking me up with ease and carrying me into the hospital. The midwife meets us and takes us to the room, luckily, thanks to private healthcare, I get a birthing suite. "Okay sweetheart, here's your gown, get comfortable, I'm just going to get my stuff and I'll be back".

As she leaves I get a contraction and it cramps my entire body, Simon is still holding me at this point and I turn to him and shout "don’t you dare put me down" as I moan and scream through the pain. It's almost constant, now, the contractions, they’re one on top of the other. Eventually it dies down and Emmy undresses me and helps me into my gown when Simon turns on the pool. "You're going to end up with this guy, he's definitely interested" she smiles as I try to catch my breath and mutter "I think I need to push".

"Right, let's have a look" the midwife says as I get in the water "this is going to sting" she says as she pushes her fingers up to my cervix. "You're an 8 lovely, not long now" she says softly. "I need to push now" I say sternly. "Is there a lot of pressure?" She asks. I nod and feel another contraction coming. "No pushing okay, just hold on a little while longer" she says, I snap back "I cant do this, there’s way too much pressure, I need to get it out, its freaking me -" I rant and Emmy stops me. "Cassie, baby isn’t quite ready, yeah? Just hold on and when shes ready, you can push, you don’t want to hurt her do you" she says calmly, she knows I’d kill myself before hurting baby. I shake my head and close my legs, tightly, my face turning red as I hold my need to push in.

I labor for 45 minutes more before the midwife comes back. "Can you please check me? I must be ready by now?" I ask her softly knowing how rude I was earlier. She puts her fingers in and smiles "good things come to those who wait, baby is ready when you are" she smiles. "When you get another contraction, you can push okay, so tell me when you get one" she says softly.

"It.. It's coming" I say gently as I grab the back of my knees and open my legs as wide as I can. "Feel my fingers? I need you to push against them" she says "big breath and bare down" she says softly. I pull my legs harder and push down hard, I'm already struggling and it's the first push. "Good girl, and again". I push and hold it a little longer, letting go and spluttering as I pant, moaning away the breath I had held.

I’m clearly focusing hard, but I start to get irritated by the water "Get me out" I say sternly "I don’t want to push in the water" I say before Emmy supports me out of the pool and over to the bed. It's much more comfortable and I feel more in control. "I need rope, to pull" I say to the midwife as she pulls a rope out and attaches it to the bars of the bed. I put my feet against the foot bar and pull on the rope as I push as hard as I can "hnnnng! Ungggghh" I moan as I see Simon smile at me "You're doing it Cassie".

I pull at the rope again pushing as much as I can, the midwife coaching me "harder, love, you need to push harder". "You've got this Cas" Emmy says softly as she watches baby forming inside the bulge between my legs. "Fuck it hurts so bad" I shout as I hold my opening tight and realise how much progress I've made. "Come on little girl, come out for Mommy" I moan. straining as I feel myself and how close she is. "That's it, talk to your baby" the midwife says.

I turn and notice Simon crying quietly and I put my hand out to him and he holds it gently "it's a little girl?" He says softly and I nod smiling, wiping the sweat off my forehead. "Push here, where my fingers are" the midwife shouts and I bare down pushing as hard as I can. "You're crowning Cas" Emmy shouts happily. "One big push now and her head will be out" the midwife says. "Come on, you can do it Cass, push" Simon says, excited to get her out.

"Okay, let's get you squatting over here, it should open you up nicely and let your body do some of the work for you" the midwife says as I waddle to the squatting stool, wary of her head that's nearly out between my legs. I sit on the stool and push as I squat "OOWWW". "That's her head" the midwife smiles "reach down and feel your baby" she says guiding my hand down. I laugh and take Simon's hand to her head, I notice his eyes fill with tears and I smile a little “What colour’s her hair?” I ask him and he smiles “Blonde, just like yours”.

"Not long now dear" the nurse says as she massages my upper abdomen "just a couple more pushes" she adds. I give a big push and moan out "Gahhh" as I feel the shoulders push down on me. "I need to get on my back" I say as I slide off the stool, onto my knees and then lay back on the floor opening my legs up "Si, hold this leg, Em, this one". The midwife follows my lead and comes between my legs. "That's it, listen to your body and push for me" she says as I bare down hard. "Long and strong dear" she says as I push and push and push.

"Shoulders are here, keep going, harder, that's it, come on, there we go" she pulls baby from me and places her on my chest as she cries the sweetest little cry. I pant out of breath and feel my new born’s heart beat right next to mine. "Hello little one, I've waited so long for you" I smile as I hold her little hand. I stroke her back gently as the midwife tends to the afterbirth and before long she helps me over to the bed to lay down with baby.

"That was the most badass thing I've ever seen" Emmy says crying. I turn to Simon, who's in tears at this point and he sits next to me on the bed. "Want to hold your daughter?" I smile as he takes her with out a second thought to his chest. "She's got your eyes" I say to him smiling as I stroke her head. "She had your nose" he laughs. "What are you going to name her?" Emmy asks. I feel there is only one name right for her, Simon's Moms name. "Angela" I say softly "we're calling her Angela" I smile at Simon as he pulls me tight to him kissing my forehead. "She would love her so much" he says sweetly.

#birth #giving birth #childbirth #birtherotica

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freakingfangirlingforever-blog · 5 years

Text

You Didnt Notice

Dean x Reader

Summary: Y/n fights with Dean about being an alcoholic. In the moment he argues with you but after he changes his ways because he secretly loves you too much not to and you never notice.

Warnings: language and alcohol

A/n: Hi I was bored and thought of this. I dont really know what it is. Its kinda all over the place and I just firgured it out as I went along so its a little wierd. Its not too long tho so enjoy.

You grabbed the beer bottle out of his hands before he had a chance to open it. He was so drunk he didnt notice until you put it back in the fridge.

"Hey! What the hell was that for?!" He yelled at you.\

"You need to stop Dean."

"Stop what?!" His words slurred.

"This." You gestured to the dozens of empty beer bottles on the table in front of him.

"I can drink if I want its a free country!"

You began to yell back at him. "Not like this you cant!"

He chuckled. "Watch me." He pulled out a can from the six pack you hadnt noticed under his chair. He opened it and started chugging. You walked over and ripped it out of his hands, beer spilling every where. He stood up defensively. "What the hell?!"

"Dean your going to kill yourself drinking like this!"

"So what?! Im going to die eventually, hell, Ive died before what does it matter if I die like this?!"

"It matters to me Dean! Dont you understand that people care about you and dont enjoy watching you doing this to yourself?!"

"Sometimes the job is hard and I need to drink it off so sue me!"

"Yeah I know Im a hunter too. Every once and a while this is okay but you do this to yourself almost every night!"

"Fuck you!" He grabbed another can.

"Fine go ahead and kill yourself but if you dont change your habits your going to die Dean and nobody is gonna go down to Hell and save your ass again. Not Cas. Not me. Not Sam. Nobody. Because you brought this upon yourself and there wont be any coming back once its to late!"

Deans responded by flipping you off but you didnt care. You grabbed you coat and stormed out the door. You didnt know where you were going but it had to be away from there.

~Deans Pov~

Once the door slammed behind her I stopped drinking and threw the can against the wall. I was extremely wasted but was sober enough to know that Y/n was right. Dont get wrong I love alcohol but if it turns Y/n away Im willing to part with it.

I picked up my phone and called the only person I could call. "Sammy I need help."

"With what? A job?"

"No with drinking." Saying it made me feel weak. I hated it but it was for Y/n.

"Really, wait, I bet Y/n got to you didnt she?"

"Shut up, now are you gonna help me or not?"

"Yeah Ill be there in a minute."

It was nearly twelve when Sam arrived.

"What took you so long?!"

"I was tying up loose ends with the vampire case. How do you want me to help?"

"I dont know make sure I dont drink." I said sarcastically.

"Well lets start with getting rid of all of this then." He got a trash bag and filled it with anything that could pass as alcohol.

Weeks have passed since that night. I havent touched a drop of alocohol and it sucks. Sure I feel more awake. Sure I dont have to deal with hangovers. But its not being drunk. Today was week eight. Eight weeks sober. Man Y/n is going to be stoked.

~Y/n Pov~

Today You and Dean were doing a job. Nothing too serious just your run of the mill salt and burn. You walked out of my motel room that morning to find Dean already in Baby. He had sunglasses on and looked too tired for a job.

"Sun too bright for your hang over?" You said as ou hopped in.

"Nope its just sunny." He probably just didnt want to admit it.

The job was over before you knew it. Salt and burns were getting too easy to be fun anymore.

"You ready to get back?" He asked making small talk on the ride to the motel.

"Uh yeah. I just want to lay down watch tv and eat pizza." you liked your lips at the thought of food.

"Yeah when I get back to the motel im gonna get a nice cold beer." He laughed to himself like it was a joke.

"You think this is funny?!" You screamed at him. He nearly swerved of the rode to your reaction.

"What are you talking about?"

"I cant handle this any more! I cant watch you throw your life away!"

"Y/n, Im.."

You interrupted him. "Youre what?! Sorry?! No, sorrys not going to cut it anymore!"

"No I was going to say..."

"Dean Ive tried countless times to get you to stop drinking but no! You have to have your precious alcohol!"

"Y/n listen."

"No you listen if your not going to stop drinking then im leaving! Im going solo! I cant watch you kill yourself anymore! I tried to help you but you wouldnt change si guess what now Im gone! When we get to the motel im oacking my things and leaving. And try to lose my number too will you. Im doone helping you and if you die drinking well then boo hoo you deserve it!" Dean shut up quick after you said that. He wasnt expecting that this is how the car ride back would turn out. He honestly didnt know you didnt know he was sober. How could you not notice. Its not like you soent everyday with him and its not like he and Sam tried to keep it a secret. AND FOR GODS SAKE ITS BEEN EIGHT FUCKING WEEKS. How could you not notice he hasnt had a drink for eight fucking weeks.

Once you arrived both of you got out of baby as fast as you could and stormed to your rooms.

Dean burst through the door and went imediatly to the mini fridge. Sam was at the table on his computer. he looked up and notice Dean had a beer in his hands.

"Dean what the hell are you doing?!"

Dean downed have the bottled without a breath. "Screw you."

Sam ran over and tried to take the bottle. "Dean your eight weeks sober. Dont throw it away now."

"Too late." He gulped down the rest of it and grabbed another one.

"Whats gotten into you this morning you said you didnt even crave it anymore now you drinking it like you never stopped."

"I said a stupid joke and now Y/ns leaving." He said inbetween gulps.

"What?"

"I love her Sam I cant let her go." He was already on his third beer.

"Then what are you doing here then go tell her that and maybe she wont go."

Dean was already out the door before Sam finished.

You were almost done pacing your things when Dean burst through the door.

"Im leaving Dean and theres nothing you can do about it." He was swaying a little bit you knew hed been drinking.

He walked into the briskly right for you. The dtermination on his scared you a little bit especially since you knew it was mixed with alcohol. He grabbed you by the shoulders and pinned you up against the wall. He gave you a hard passionate kiss that tasted like beer.

"I fucking love you cant you see that!" He yelled at you.

"Tell me that when you sober!"

"Thats the thing Y/n Ive been sober. I would have beem eight weeks sober today. I was sober for you. the whole reason i even thought about it was becase I love you too much to let you down. But then you had to go off and decide to leave because you thought I was going to have a beer after the job. It was a joke Y/n. It was literally a fucking joke. I audibly laughed to myself to indicate it was a joke but then you had to go and take it seriously. And because im so inlove with you i spirled because you said you were leaving and I fell off the wagon and had a couple beers. Im heartbroken because i did it for you."

You were surprised. You honestly hadnt noticed Dean hadnt been drinking. "Im sorry I didnt know. I didnt notice." You said quietly. You felt like an idiot.

"Hell yeah you didnt notice! But now I guess you leaving and Im back to drinking."

A tear rolled down you cheek. You grabbed his face kissed him hard. He kissed you back so much so your head slammed against the wall. You could tell he meant it. you could tell by his kiss that he loved you.

"Im not going anywhere." You said once you parted.

"Good because I dont know what I would do without you."

#dean dean dean #sam and dean #deanxreader #supernatural fic #supernatural fandom #winchester #dean #dean winchester #fanfic

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5hfanfiction · 5 years

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Why Did I Get Married? (Camren)

Part Twenty Nine: I cant see a life without you

Do you believe in soulmates?

Or maybe, love at first sight?

I believe that there’s a very few selected moments in your life that you’re going to meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because she or he; whatever you’re into, was perfect, because no one is perfect. But rather when both your flaws were combined and arranged in a way that created a bond so strong, that it could’ve only been described as love.

Do you remember your first love?

Maybe you’re both no longer together. Maybe you still are. Maybe you’re still friends and can look back, reminisce and laugh at the times you once shared together.

Or maybe, you hate the person, and you hate the memories you once shared.

But, if we’re being honest, at one point in your life, you liked the person, even if they turned out to be someone you never thought they’d be.

And in some cases, you probably still love them. I’m not saying that you may have felt sparks when he touched you, or your heart might’ve skipped beats when she were around. I don’t even know if that’s real, but I’m sure you’ll be lying if you said that you didn’t scoot closer to her whenever she sat next to you, because she made you feel safe.

Or that you didn’t randomly wake up during the night just to kiss his forehead. You’ll be lying if you said he didn’t make you happy, and that you weren’t going to miss him.

I’m not saying that it was love, and I’m definitely not trying to say that it didn’t hurt you, but you can admit that at some point in your life, she did matter and possibly still matters to you.

But sweetheart, it’s time to let them go. I know you want to hold on to those precious memories and the time together that you once shared. You want to keep the hope alive, that one day she’s going to find her way back into your arms. You can’t keep making up fantasies of how happy you’re both going to be, but deep down, I know that you know, he’s never going to come back.

You know she doesn’t feel the same way she once did, and yet you keep trying to force something that’s not there anymore.

He’s your security blanket, that’s why you’re so damn terrified to let him go, so you keep lying to yourself instead of facing reality.

I know it’s sad the way you both act like strangers now, after everything you both had.

You act like you’ve never met….but it’s time to let go.

***

“Well isn’t it my favourite niece,” Becky stooped to her niece’s height and ruffled the child’s already messy hair. Tonight, Becky and Hailee would’ve been babysitting the child as Ariana wasn’t in the country, nor was Maggie. “How are you doing, Squirt?”

Izzy wrapped her arms around her aunt and placed a kiss on the girl’s cheek. “I’m great!” She said happily, looking around for someone else. “Is Nugget with you?”

Becky laughed and shook her head ‘no’. “I’m starting to think you don’t actually like me.”

“No!” Izzy said hurriedly. “I like you, very much. But I miss Nugget and you don’t bring him around anymore.” The child pouted cutely. “Can you ask your mummy to bring him?”

“Princesa!” Camila called out from the living room. “Stop bullying your tía with your cuteness to get your way. It’s not fair. No one can resist you.” She smiled when she saw her younger sister. “Hey, Beckster. C'mere and give me some love.”

Becky laughed and went to wrap her sister into a long overdue hug. Due to both of their busy schedules; Camila with her career and Becky with school, it had been quite some time since they had last seen each other. “I miss you, loser. It’s been so long.”

The older Cabello sister sighed dramatically. “I know. I’ve missed annoying your ass. Just drop out of school and let’s become a singing duo. The Cabello Sisters.” They posed back to back with each other, they formed a gun with their fingers as Izzy watched their shenanigans.

“Can I join too?” The child asked. “I can sing and you and my mummy can play the instruments.”

Becky laughed. “Of course, Squirt. You’re the real star here anyway.” She picked the child up in her arms, and began to mindlessly play with her hair. “Will Hailee be here soon?”

Camila checked her watch. “I think so. She texted that she’ll be running a bit late. Do you think you can handle being alone with Izzy until Hailee comes? Or do you want us to wait?”

“Your daughter is an angel,” Becky smiled. “I think I can survive a couple minutes without help. You and Lauren should go be on your date.”

Lauren popped out of the kitchen at the mention of her name. She was preparing dinner for the babysitters and her daughter. Izzy wanted pizza, and not just any pizza, she wanted her mother’s famous Hawaiian pizza, and as any good mother, Lauren obliged.

“I heard my name,” Lauren said. “Y'all gossiping about me, huh?” She fake glared at her newly discovered sister in law. “Hey, Beck,” she wrapped her in a side hug. “How are you? I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you. Can’t say the same about my sister, she’s literally always in the house.”

As soon as Maggie Jauregui was mentioned, Lauren’s phone dinged.

“Aw,” Lauren cooed. “Look at this. I think our Maggie is in love.”

Becky sighed heavily. “And to think, if I were a couple years older or she a couple years younger, we could’ve been a power couple.”

Camila scrunched her nose at her sister. “Wouldn’t that be kinda weird though? You’re both technically, I don’t know, sister in laws?”

“I’m Lauren’s sister in law, not Maggie’s,” Becky winked at her sister.

“Okay,” Lauren pretended to faint from the cuteness. “Maggie is in love. I literally never thought that we would live to see the day.”

“Why do you have Maggie’s notifications on and not mine?” Camila pouted at her wife. She helped her off the couch, still pouting. “I’m your wife for Christ’s sake!”

“I do have your notifications on.”

“But you never like or retweet any of my stuff!” Camila continued to pout. “You’re literally the worst wife ever.”

The photographer laughed. “Becky, can you give us a moment? I need to borrow Camila for a second.” She pulled her wife back upstairs and into their bedroom. “Let’s get you ready!”

“But, I’m already ready and I think I look pretty cute,” Camila gestured to her blue skinny jeans, green crop top and her wife’s favourite leather jacket. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

Lauren walked towards their shared closet and pulled an outfit out of it. It was a blue wildflower skirt suit, with some red pumps to complement the outfit. “Where we’re going, I think you’ll like to dress differently. And plus, I picked it out for you. Isn’t that cute? Isn’t that romantic?”

Camila laughed. She saw that cheesy smile on her wife’s face and her heart couldn’t help but melt. “Yes, amor. It’s very romantic.” She placed a lingering kiss on her wife’s lips. “It’s actually a very cute outfit as well. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Lauren wrapped her arms around her wife for a quick hug. “Now get ready. I don’t want us to reach too late.”

Ten minutes later, Camila descended the stairs again, her wife waiting at the bottom of it. Once green eyes locked with brown, Lauren smiled brightly, her heart beating wildly against her chest. “You look absolutely gorgeous, Mrs Jauregui. Stunning, spectacular, show stopping, beautiful. You’re utter perfection.”

Camila blushed, and tried to hide it, as she took her wife’s arm.

“Wow,” Izzy popped out of nowhere. “You look very pretty mummy.” Becky stooped next to her niece and whispered something into the child’s ear. “But not as pretty as aunty Becky.”

Camila laughed and playfully shoved her sister. “Stop corrupting my child.”

“But it’s fun,” Becky laughed.

“We should probably get going. Call us if you need anything, okay?” Lauren directed at her sister in law. “Hailee said she’s picking up some food and dessert, I think. After I told her she doesn’t need to.” She shook her head. “So she’s going to be here soon.”

The couple said their 'byes’ to their daughter as they left on their way for their date.

“Have fun on your date, kids,” Becky and Izzy waved at them, as Lauren’s car sped away from the driveway. She turned to her niece and smiled. “Let the fun begin!”

***

“Where are you taking me?” Camila asked Lauren as she was blinding leading the woman into an impending doom. Lauren had her hands over Camila’s eyes, so she wasn’t able to decipher what their date was going to be as yet.

“Can you relax?” Lauren chuckled. “I’m not going to murder you.” She leaned in closer to her wife’s ear. “Yet.”

Camila stopped walking. “Lauren, I swear…” But before she could even start protesting, the photographer uncovered her eyes.

“Tada,” Lauren said excitedly as she gestured to where they were. They were on a street in Miami that looked as though they were gearing up for a full fledged Cuban/Latino party. The street was already beginning to fill with people, there were a few good vendors who were selling their delectable foods from Cuba or other Latin countries.

And last but not least, the guest performer tonight was going to be, non other than the Grammy award winning, Cuban singing legend… drum roll please.

Gloria Estefan.

Also known as, Camila’s greatest musical inspiration.

“Lauren…what…the…fuck,” Camila breathed out as her eyes moved over everything within her view. When it landed on the stage and she saw Gloria Estefan’s name, she almost passed out. She took a moment to collect herself before she grabbed her wife; who was beaming from ear to ear, by her shirt and pulled her in for a searing kiss. “I am utterly in love with you. I cannot begin to put to words just how happy I feel right now. Thank you. Thank youu!” She kept repeating to Lauren who was beyond happy that her wife liked her surprise.

“I’m so happy you’re happy,” Lauren admitted. She intertwined their fingers once they separated from their embrace. “Once I saw Gloria was coming to Miami, I knew I needed to take you.”

“You’re making my date seem lame now.”

Lauren laughed at the adorable expression on her wife’s face. “You cannot compare our dates, babe. What you did for me, meant a lot to me. And what we’re doing tonight, means a lot to you. As long as we’re experiencing these moments together, I think that’s all that really matters.” She looked into her wife’s beautiful brown eyes, and placed a kiss on her forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Laur,” Camila smiled. “How did I become blessed with such an amazing wife? What did I do to deserve this?”

“Quite frankly, I think you hit the jackpot,” Lauren smirked cockily.

“Wow, and humble too?” Camila rolled her eyes playfully and laughed. “The whole enchilada.”

The couple decided to walk around and enjoy the entertainment before Gloria Estefan came to perform. Truth is, Lauren had remembered when Camila talked about the Cuban singer in therapy, and how she had won a competition singing 'Rhythm Is Gonna Get You.’ She remembered how Camila said she was freaking out before actually performing and her mother came onstage with her.

That’s the thing about when you’re in love, you always remember the little things about them. It’s the littlest things that seems to mean more than the grand gestures. Don’t get me wrong, we all would love for someone to rent out a movie theatre just for the both of us to watch a movie and enjoy each other’s company. However, sentimentally speaking, it means more when someone remembers something you said and to you, it might seem like such a tiny, irrelevant thing, but when the one you love remembers it now that’s special.

That’s love.

You should be treated the way you deserve. You should be loved the way you love, and you should be fought for the way you fight.

When there are more tears than smiles, leave.

When there are more fights than jokes, leave.

When it hurts you more than it feels good, leave.

They don’t have the right to destroy you just because you’re in love with them. And loving them, being hopelessly head over heels in love with them, doesn’t mean you have to stay.

Remember that.

“Stay there,” Lauren pulled out her phone. “You look too beautiful right now not to take a picture.”

Camila blushed and rolled her eyes. “I bet you say that to all the girls.”

“I’ve only ever said that to one girl, and she ended up being my wife,” Lauren looked at her wife, with love in her eyes. “I think my charm won her over.” She snapped a few photos and swiped through them. “You look perfect in all, but I’m posting this one.”

Camila gasped. “You mean… you’re actually going on Instagram?! I am shocked. The last time you posted wasn’t it Christmas?”

Lauren flipped her wife off and typed away on her phone.

503,783 likes @ lmjauregui I cant see a life without you. Even though you’re annoying as hell 🙄🖤

Camila laughed loudly when she checked her phone. “After all the cute things I’ve told you today, I take it all back.”

Lauren pecked her on the lips. “No takesies backsies. You think I’m great and you love meee.”

“Ugh. I’m married to a child.” Camila felt a tap on her shoulder, when she spun around, she came face to face with two teenagers. “Hi there!” She smiled at them.

They returned the smile. “Hi, Camila…we don’t want to interrupt but my friend and I have been looking at you since you came here, and we finally built up the courage to talk to you.”

“Aw! I don’t bite,” Camila cooed. She was always so happy to talk to her fans. “What’s your names? Oh this is my amazing wife, Lauren, by the way,” she slipped her arm into the woman’s. “She’s just so shy when it comes to meeting my fans.”

Lauren blushed red in embarrassment. She was never one for the limelight. Every time they had gone out and Camila met a fan, she would always slink into the shadows. “Hey.” Lauren muttered, she nodded in acknowledgment at them.

“Hi, Lauren! It’s nice to meet you. My name is Chloe, and this is my friend Sasha. I love your photography, by the way! I’m so glad you’re finally working with Nicholas. Since I’ve been following you, I knew it was like your childhood dream, right?” Chloe started talking animatedly to Lauren and Camila. Lauren was a bit shocked to say the least, because of this fan knowing about her. She had never really come across any 'fans’ even though she had a few times, so it was always a bit shocking to her.

“We should probably leave you to your date now,” Sasha said after spending about ten minutes talking to the couple. “Is it okay if we get a picture?” Lauren nodded and was about to take the girl’s phone but that’s when she stopped her. “No, I mean like a group picture.”

“Oh,” Lauren kinked an eyebrow. “Um, yeah sure.” They had asked a random stranger to snap the picture of them. A few tries later, the girls thanked the couple for entertaining them, and left. “That was…different.”

Camila smiled and placed a kiss on her wife’s cheek. “You’re always so adorably awkward when you meet my fans.”

“I just don’t do well when it comes to socialising,” Lauren shrugged. “And it doesn’t matter anyway, I have you and Izzy. I don’t need to meet knew people.”

Camila laughed. “I guess you’re right, babe.” Her eyes landed on an Argentinian stall and she dragged her wife to it. “Oh my god, Laur!” She squealed in excitement. “They have Choripán, Lomito, Empanadas and oh my god! Sandwiches de miga. When my dad used to take me for our daily walks, he would buy this for us from this old guy named Pablo. It was so delicious.” Camila sighed dramatically. “I miss Argentina.”

Lauren wrapped an arm around her wife’s shoulder. “Hi!” She smiled politely at the vendor. “Did you hear everything she said?” The elderly woman, who was selling the foods smiled and nodded her head. “Can I get one of each?”

The vendor began to make and package the street foods for Lauren as her wife began to reminisce about her old country.

“I don’t think I ever heard you say that you miss Argentina,” Lauren admitted.

The singer shrugged. “I know. Life is better here, for sure, but I miss how life was so much simpler and peaceful back home. I guess I just miss the memories.”

“We’ll visit again one day soon,” Lauren told her. “Izzy needs to know about her culture, and you need to go home once in a while.”

Camila turned to look at her wife. “You’re my home.”

Lauren cupped her cheeks. “That may be true, but Argentina is part of who you are, and I’ll be a terrible wife if I didn’t take you back there ever so often. So once life is quiet again, we’re going.”

Camila smiled. “You’re perfect.”

“What would you like to drink?” The vendor interrupted the couple.

“Do you have any Chimarrão?” Camila asked. “I always loved that.”

The elderly woman nodded. “Sí.” She whipped up two cups of Chimarrão and handed it to the couple. Lauren paid the woman, and gave her a huge tip. She thanked the woman for her generosity and even offered to give her more food for the money, but Lauren kept refusing. “Gracias.” The woman smiled fondly at the couple.

“I need you to try like every single one of these,” Camila said as she took a bite of her empanada. “I know you guys have like this in Venezuela, but the Argentinian empanadas outsold.”

She fed Lauren a piece. With every single bite of these traditional Argentinian street foods, it brought back a lot of fond memories for Camila when she and her family lived there many years ago.

“Okay, it’s delicious,” Lauren admitted. “But being true to my country, it definitely isn’t better than the Venezuelan empanadas,” she stuck her tongue out playfully at her wife.

Camila laughed and rolled her eyes. She finished eating the empanada and took a sip of her drink. “You just lack taste, babe.”

They couple shared the other various foods and enjoyed the music of a Mariachi band.

“I swear, I always loved Miami but I love it even more after tonight,” Camila reached across the table and took Lauren’s hand in her own. “Can you stop eating for one second and let me be cute?”

Lauren laughed and placed the Lomito back on her plate. “You have my full attention, amor. Lay the cuteness on me.”

The brunette smiled. She knew her wife was only messing with her. Camila had loved how their relationship had gone back to the typical banter and sarcastic remarks that they once shared. “You know when a house becomes a home.” The singer said randomly. “You know which stair creaks more than the others, you know exactly where you can find the pots and pans with your eyes closed. You know every turn like the back of your hand. And truth is, I’ve never had a home before…until now. Home is green eyes that sparkle a little brighter than the sun. It’s a scar right above your left eye after getting injured from playing soccer back in high school, because you were pretty uncoordinated back then. Home is when you smile and your eyes crinkle. I know what home feels like…home feels like you.”

Yet again, Lauren was at a lost for words. Her wife always did this to her; left her speechless.

The butterfly effect.

I’m sure most of us are familiar with the term, and if you’re not, it’s simply an interesting concept. To think that every single decision you’ve ever made has resulted in you being exactly where you are right now.

A complete mess.

Someone who’s successful.

Head over heels in love with someone.

Everything you did led you to where you are right now.

And if the smallest thing in your past, you would’ve done differently, it would’ve impacted your life in another way.

Everything Lauren did in her past led her to this very moment. Sitting across the table from this very beautiful woman who owns her heart. The mother of her child and the love for her life.

“Camz…I..don’t know what to say,” Lauren admitted. “I don’t know where we’re going to be five years from now, but I hope it’s somewhere next to you. I hope we’re still in love with one another. I hope Izzy never has to doubt her parents love for her and each other. I hope I never make you question my feelings for you ever again. I hope that we still love each other the way we do right now, right this very moment. I want to love you until I can’t love you anymore, and when I can’t, I’ll find more love to give to you.”

Camila wiped at her eyes, smiling through her happy tears. “I thought you said that you were speechless?” She laughed.

“Speechless and having so much to say,” Lauren smiled. “Come,” she stretched an arm out towards her wife. “Gloria should be performing by now.”

“What about the food?” Camila looked at the remaining Argentinian food and then back at her wife.

Lauren laughed. “Okay, let’s finish these first and then we can go.”

When they were finished eating, the couple went closer to the stage that Gloria Estefan was expected to be performing at. A crowd had already gathered; murmurs of excitement about seeing the legend herself perform could’ve been heard throughout the crowd, despite the blasting of music.

“I swear, if Gloria makes eye contact with me,” Camila yelled over the music to her wife. “I will faint. This is a trust exercise, if you let me fall, I hate you.”

Lauren looked at her wife and shook her head in amusement. She had never seen Camila fangirl so hard to seeing a celebrity before, well besides that one time she had met Ricky Martin; another singer she had grown up listening to. Camila was a stuttering mess, and was a lost for words. Ricky, however, found her reaction cute so it saved Camila from being too embarrassed. “I’ll catch you, babe. I promise.”

Camila didn’t have the chance to respond because the lights had dimmed, a single spotlight came on the stage, and the music to one of Gloria’s hits 'Conga’ started playing.

“OH MY GOD!” Camila screamed along with the hundreds of other fans who were there.

The moment Gloria’s mouth opened, Camila felt everything else fade away. She started swaying her hips to the beat, and danced along with her wife.

She was happy.

She couldn’t help the huge smile that didn’t leave her lips the moment she came here.

Lauren’s eyes didn’t once leave Camila. Even when they had stopped dancing together, she kept watching her wife. She was so lost in the music, and filled with pure happiness.

The purpose of this entire night was to remind Camila that Lauren saw her. That Lauren was still her biggest fan. She wanted to bring Camila back to the time when she sang for fun. Not because it was her career, not because she wanted to make others happy, but rather when she was just singing because she loved it. And even though she still loves what she does, this entire night was sentimental.

Lauren was Camila’s person.

For the love of all things good, Lauren wanted to be the person who woke up at 7am every morning next to this beautiful human being. She wanted to look at Camila every morning, with tousled hair, and sleep filled eyes but somehow she still managed to be effortlessly beautiful.

Camila wanted to be the person Lauren would text throughout the day and tell her how much she missed her. She wanted to randomly pop into her wife’s photography studio, to deliver food for her and to get a kiss because she missed the taste of her lips.

But most importantly, Lauren wanted to whisper into Camila’s ear at 3am, telling her 'I love you’, causing her to stir awake with a sleepy smile on her face as she would say 'I love you too.’

And even then, Camila would cuddle into Lauren and fall asleep in her arms.

They just wanted to be each other’s person.

“When I first met you, I thought I was sent to save you,” Lauren said to Camila but she knew her wife couldn’t have heard her. “But then your soul opened up and welcomed me in, that’s when I knew you were sent to save me.” A small smile found it’s way on Lauren’s lips. She reached out and gently ran her fingers down Camila’s spine; the brunette shivered and turned to look at her wife. She placed a kiss on Lauren’s lips and went back to enjoying the show. “You love me even though you know I’m not perfect. You love me even though I’ve hurt you on more than one occasion. You encourage me to achieve my dreams because you know exactly what I’m capable of.”

Gloria stopped singing for a moment, her eyes locked on Camila. Lauren was standing directly behind her, hands on her wife’s shoulders.

“I’m seeing someone here in the crowd,” Gloria Estefan began. “And her loving wife personally asked me, to bring her up on stage to help me with this song.” She pointed at Camila who gasped.

“Lauren, what the fuck?!” Camila turned to look at her wife, then back at a smiling Gloria Estefan. “You met her?! You fucking met my idol and you told her to bring me on stage?! Without a warning?!” Despite the initial shock, Camila was beaming with excitement. “Oh my god! I can’t sing to save my life. I’m going to embarrass myself.” She said completely forgetting the fact that she was a singer.

Lauren laughed and kissed her wife’s cheek. “C'mon, amor. Don’t keep Gloria waiting.” She gave Camila’s hand a light squeeze and released it as she walked towards the stage.

Gloria pulled the woman in a quick embrace, whispering something into her ear, which caused Camila to grin widely.

The beat to 'Rhythm Is Gonna Get You’ began to flow through the speakers, and before long, both singers voices began to fill everyone’s ears.

“You’re flawed but you understand it,” Lauren shook her head smiling as her wife performed on stage. “You’re beautiful, but it’s not just skin deep, your heart is one of the most beautiful things about you. You’re magic and you know it.”

Camila finished the song with a rowdy sound of applause from the audience. She and Gloria snapped a quick selfie on stage, before Camila rejoined her wife.

“I can’t believe that just happened!” The brunette was still bubbling with excitement. She threw her arms around Lauren, who spun her around. “I’m so fucking happy.”

The couple connected their lips in a slow, sweet kiss. Savouring this moment, savouring the feel of each other’s lips against theirs.

“I’m glad you’re happy, baby.”

Date someone who’s interested in you. I don’t mean someone who just thinks you’re cute, or you’re funny. I mean someone who wants to know every insignificant thing about you. Someone who wants to read every word that you write. Someone who wants to hear every song that you have to sing.

Date someone who wants to watch your favourite movie even if it’s something cliche and super lame. Someone who wants to know your favourite brand of toothpaste, or know if you prefer your sandwiches with or without the crusts.

Date someone who wants to know what quotes you love and which ones resonate deep within your bones.

You see, the thing is, there’s a difference between attraction and interest.

Find someone who wants to know every single aspect of who you are.

“You are who you are, and that’s what saves me everyday.”

*** Wattpad: Commander_Camren

#UPDATE #series #g!p #camren #family #action adventure #humour #romance fluff #submission #why did i get married

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redefiningthirtysomething · 5 years

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I’m going going, back back to AZ AZ

2 years ago we were living in Phoenix, Arizona. It was the best decision we made for our family and we thought things would be amazing. I am born and raised in Los Angeles, CA but life in LA was too busy, always working, Bella was growing up and life was just to expensive. I was looking for something else, something slower. I was tired of trying to keep up with work, my friends, family,... it all was very overwhelming.

We packed up our SUV and put our LA life away and drove 8 hours with our baby girl (she was 7).

We arrived so excited, ready for our new life, full of expectations. We planned this months in advance, we saved money, we prepared our friends and jobs. We had going away parties and tears. We arrived to our home, a 3 bedroom, hard wood floor, made for us house. We celebrated over drinks on our first night and experienced our first monsoon in our first week, It was spectacular. I had never seen anything like it. After settling in and introducing ourselves to the neighborhood I landed a job at a local hospice and Eli resumed his stay-at-home-dad job during the day and a night job he got at a local facility. I worked 3 days on, 4 days off 12 hour shifts. Bella was going to a great school right across the park, we would literally walk her over, drop her off and have a morning workout, followed by our breakfast, some morning sex and Eli then was off to sleep to be ready for his night job. We were living in a beautiful big home in a quiet neighborhood with a nice yard for Bella, fireplace, we had a cat and a Kitchen island I absolutely loved. My Master bedroom was bigger than the size of our entire LA apartment and my closet space, sigh... why did we ever leave? ... well, here's what happened.

We made plans to live there for life, but we only lasted six months. I got a job a few weeks after we moved in, we were living off of our savings and we were planning our next career moves. The Job I got was good, but it paid very low and yes, I know that is expected in AZ the wages are less than in CA, what I made in CA was an unreasonable wage in AZ and they clearly told me this during my interview. But I thought, well ok I can figure this out as we go. The bills or the first month were a little outrageous. We moved to AZ in August ... need I say more? It was HOT AF so we had the AC unit on all day and all night long at a cool 71. Although some locals told us how to maintain a low electricity bill during the summer, we had NO IDEA how serious they were and didn't quite listen to their advice! It cant be that bad right ? wow, $600 for a month? A MONTH? That's not even including any of the other bills. that was the electricity ALONE! It knocked me out of my shoes. Ok, so the bills became an issue but we got a handle on it the best we could, but we were definitely in a strict budget.

A few months after we moved in my sister and her GF were having a hard time in LA and we agreed to help them out and let them live with us in AZ, we had an extra room and it would help us with the bills, plus it would be nice to have family around since we still hadn't made any new friends. It was good for a while but turned ugly really quick. I don't like to talk shit about people, but the GF has a nasty attitude and she's just an overall toxic person, I kind of see her as a bully who cried wolf. Awful, awful. Unfortunately my sister doesn't see it and they always think it's everyone else. I mean if she's happy with that, it's on her but like I've said before, leave us out of your negativity. Anyway, things got heated one night, she yelled at my daughter and insulted Eli, and I had to defend my family. After a screaming match, and an almost full on throw down in my kitchen I kicked them out. They moved to Tempe and my sister and I stopped talking. Cause of course, we attacked her, so they say. I have never in my life been in a fight and i'm so non confrontational... but apparently that night big bad me was in attack mode. Such silliness.

At this point, we're broke AF, we have no friends and my sister lives 20 miles away and doesn't talk to us. Ugh, Great start. Seriously the only good part for us about AZ was the happiness Bella had. She made so many friends on our street, she ruled that street basically. This girl was never home, she was always outside riding her bike or her scooter, or playing in someones yard, at the park ... she loved it. Sleep overs at out house, she had her room which we decorated to her style, her own bathroom...she loved it. I cant even begin to explain how good we had it. Bella was in her happy place. Isn't this what we moved for? We completely lost sight of it. Eli and I were arguing a little bit, we were kind of just annoyed at life and we took it out on each other. Bella was getting stressed out because she hates to see us bicker, she tried to help us make up a few times. We don't like to put that on her, so we would make up, but a week later we were both back to not giving AF. We made things work, but there was a tension.

A little after Christmas we found out I was pregnant, 2 weeks pregnant to be exact and that very same day I found out I was pregnant I received a call from my boss at my old job in LA that they needed me to come back and that they would give me a raise. We looked at each other and it was like a weight lifted off our shoulders, we didn't even think about it before saying yes. We packed our shit and were gone by the weekend. We dipped out SO fast, we like ran back to LA ... what we thought was the best decision. Boy... were we wrong.

We moved in with Eli's parents, we were broke and didn't have money or time to find a new place. I started back at work that upcoming Monday and we had to get situated ASAP. work, yes, work was great. I went back and they started me at a great rate and It was like I never left. I still had my status of 10 years and accumulated my PTO, benefits as if I never left. So grateful that they thought well enough of me to ask me back. Bella went back to her old elementary school and things went back to Normal. Months went by and I'm super pregnant. We decided to stay at his parents house during the pregnancy because I didn't want to add anymore stress. I have come to realize that I don't like living with other people other than Eli and my girls. People have something to say about something and always give opinions. whatever, I stay at work or in my room most of the time anyway. But, that's not how I wanted to live. Soon after I had Olivia, Elijah went to work so that I can spend time with the baby and bond. 4 weeks in a was stir crazy and made him quit his job and I went back to work. That's his family we live with and I am not comfortable, I don't feel like I can just go make breakfast and lounge around, not that I cant but it's a me thing. I don't like having to tell people where I am going if I'm leaving the house. I have always been very independent and I am easily annoyed when I don't have my freedom. plus, hey we pay rent ... I don't really have to explain my life ... but I cant be rude you know, so I bite my tongue.

We live in a trendy area of LA filled with hipsters, bars and restaurants .... and also very high rent. A 1 bedroom small apartment on the low end will cost you somewhere along 1900 month. jeez. We haven't been able to move out or find a decent price. We almost decided to buy a home but they're at 1 million for a little house. Bella has her room, a small room ... literally half the size of her AZ bedroom and she cant play outside , we live on a busy street and with the mentally ill/homeless that hang around the area doesn't make it safe. So she spends most of here time inside unless we go somewhere. Olive sleeps with us, we co-sleep, we did with Bella too, but soon I am going to have to transition her to her own room, plus she's about ready to crawl but we don't have space! Another thing is things have changed here. I don't see any of my friends, they don't have kids so they're out traveling and brunching. Things that I can't do right now. I haven't seen them at all to be honest, maybe once since I've been back from AZ. Olivia is 8 months now. Management at work changed, we have a new director and things are so different from the company I once knew. My sister eventually moved back to LA and I made peace with them, I wanted to have my sister in my life and things were good until recently. The GF strikes again, but with my mom! that's another story for another day. so, yet again my sister thinks its everyone else, except her GF. Also, I don't have a relationship with my little sister, but we will get into her in another blog.

I am a total mom and my focus is 100% on my kids and my family. I didn't know this until I had them.. obviously. I used to be all about me, going out, working and living my life. everything changed. everything. I live for my kids, I love them so much and my ultimate goal in my life is to make sure they are taken care of. why the fuck did we leave Arizona? Because we had no friends? I want to slap myself sometimes. were we bored? who fucking cares? Bella was happy! We could have made it work. We could have but we ran and took the easy way out. Eli and I sat down one day and we were trying to figure out our next move. we need to grow and make changes to better us as a family. We asked ourselves where is our happy place? where are our kids going to be happy?

The move back to AZ is in July. YES! we are so excited and thrilled. This time we see things differently. this time we know what to expect , we know the summers are harsh and we know the job market, we know that we only have each other out there... and that's OK! I am going to start an online business which I am currently working on. Eli will be the one working and I will stay home with bebe. It's NOT about us anymore. The house is set and ready for us we just gotta pack and go. By the way, we have a family house in AZ. It's my moms and she rents it out, but she lets us (her daughters, family) stay there and it's currently without renters. She knew I would go back. She knows that we have to make sacrifices for our kids sometimes. I don't feel that I am sacrificing this time.

I have faith and we love adventure.

#arizona #moving #familymove #lifestyle #lifestyleblog #familyblog #parentingblog #parenting #momlife #dadlife

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spn-destiel-enthusiast · 6 years

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Adoption and marriage

So I wrote a ficlet of Dean and Cas adopting toddler Claire. They also finally get married. And they eventually adopt baby Jack. This is nothing but fluff.

I originally planned for it to be short, but kind of got carried away with it.

Word count: 4,265 words.

Will be under the cut. Hope you enjoy.

When Dean and Cas first decided to adopt, they both were a little apprehensive about it.

But the minute they met Claire, the little girl with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes and a killer attitude, they fell in love.

“Cas, she literally has your eyes.” Dean says, fastening Claire into her car seat.

“Yeah, well she has your attitude, Dean.” Cas says placing the diaper bag on the backseat.

Dean glances up and smiles, “Yeah, isn’t it great?” Cas rolls his eyes, “It’s bad enough I have to deal with your attitude, now I have to deal with a mini you.”

Mini me, dean thinks to himself, “I like the sound of that. But Cas, you can’t say she’s not a mini you too. Her eyes are as blue as the oceans, so are yours. And her features, I swear she has your nose.”

Cas shuts the door and makes his way to Dean’s side and glances at their daughter sleeping in her car seat, “Okay, maybe she does kind of, sorta, maybe look like me.” He says with a smile.

Dean covers Claire with a pink blanket, smooths her hair out of her face and softly shuts the car door, he turns and looks at Cas, “She does, and she’s officially ours. I can’t believe it.”

Cas smiles and grabs deans hand, “It’s been a long and bumpy road, but it’s been worth it. She finally gets to grow up in a stable and loving home. I can’t wait for Sam to meet her.”

“Sammy is going to love her.” Dean says softly, a smile blossoming across his face.

“Let’s go home.” Cas says kissing Dean on the tip on his nose.

They get in the car and take their daughter home.

Just as they thought, Sam fell in love with her. Claire and Sam are inseparable.

A few weeks later, Sam is watching Claire while Dean and Cas are on a hunt.

“Uncle Sam.” The toddler calls out to her uncle, holding her arms up.

am picks Claire up and tickles her. Claire squeals and giggles, “Yes, Claire bear?”

“Why aren’t dad and daddy married? Do they not love each other?” She asks softly.

Sam thinks for a second, “Why do you think they don’t love each other?”

Claire tilts her head, “I dunno. But when two people love each other, don’t they usually get married?” She asks.

For Claire being three years old, she’s definitely smart for her age, “Well, yeah. But sometimes it’s complicated.” He tells her.

“Oh, okay.” She says looking disappointed.

“You know what? Let’s go get some ice cream.” He says with a smile.

Claire perks up at the words ice cream, “ICE CREAM!” She squeals.

Sam carries her to the car and they go and get ice cream.

A couple weeks after that, Claire doesn’t give up on the whole her daddies aren’t married thing.

So, one night when Dean is giving Claire a bath she asks him.

“Daddy?” She asks.

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

She closes her eyes when Dean pour water on her head and massages shampoo into her hair, “Why aren’t you and dada married?”

Dean stops massaging her hair, “Claire, it’s complicated.” He says softly continuing to massage the shampoo in.

She opens her eyes and stares up at him, “How is it comp, com-, that big word.” She says giving up.

“Because it just is. There are some things that you just won’t understand honey.” He says softly, grabbing the cup and filling it with water.

Claire nods and tilts her head back and shuts her eyes tight, so dean can wash the shampoo out of her hair.

After her bath Dean dries her off and wraps her up in a soft, fluffy towel and carries her to her room.

Cas is sitting on the floor waiting for them and smiles when they walk into the room.

“There’s my two favorite people.” He says grinning.

Dean smiles and sits down on the floor, cradling Claire in his arms. He takes a seat across from Cas.

“Hi Dada.” She says smiling.

Cas holds out his arms and Dean hands Claire over, “My sweet Claire.”

She smiles and looks at Dean and back at Cas, “Dada?” She asks.

Cas looks down at her and kisses her nose, “Yes?”

“Why aren’t you and daddy married?” She asks softly.

Cas looks up at Dean and he just shrugs. Cas looks back at Cas and sighs.

“Honey, it’s complicated.” He tells her.

She sighs, “First Uncle Sam tells me that. Then daddy and now you. Just get married. Don’t you guys love each other?”

“We do. Very much.” Dean and Cas say at the same time.

“Then just get married already.” She says with an attitude.

Cas laughs, “Told you she is a mini you,” He says looking at Dean, “But we’ll talk about it sweetheart. But right now, it’s time to get ready for bed.” He says standing her up.

Dean and Cas dress her and tuck her into together and even reads her a bedtime story. By time they are done with their routine, they fall into bed and fall asleep shortly after.

A few weeks later Dean and Claire are sitting in Claire’s room, playing with barbies, “Hey, Claire bear.”

Claire looks up from her dollhouse, “Yes, Daddy?”

Dean sets his Barbie down and stands up, “How would you like to help me plan a surprise for dada?” He asks.

She drops her Barbie and gets to her feet, “Okay!” She says excitedly.

Dean picks her up and carries her out of the room. They walk to their room and he places Claire on their bed.

He walks over to his night stand and pulls out and box and kneels in front or Claire.

“What’s in the box?” She asks looking up at her Dad.

Dean smiles and opens the box, “I’m going to ask your dad to marry me.” He says showing off the ring in the box.

Claire stand up on the bed and jumps up and down, “Yay!!!! Daddy and dada are getting married!” She screams.

Dean pockets the box and grabs Claire, “Shhh, sweetheart. Dad doesn’t know.”

Claire puts her hand over her mouth and whispers, “Sorry, daddy. Please don’t be mad.”

Dean kisses her cheek, “I’m not mad sweetheart. Come on, let’s go ask dad to marry me.”

She nods, and they exit the room.

After Dean dresses Claire in a pretty blue dress and hands her the sign to hold as she enters the library, the ball starts rolling on the proposal.

Cas is sitting in the library reading a lore book when Claire enters the room.

“Dada.” She says walking over to him.

Cas closes his book and turns toward her, “Hi, honey. What-” he trails off seeing the sign in Claire’s hands, “-what’s going on?” He asks her softly.

“Read the sign dada.” She says.

Cas reads the sign five times, “Dada will you marry daddy?” The sign reads.

“What-“ he starts when dean enters the room holding a single rose and a little box in his hand.

He walks over to Claire and hands her to rose to hold and gets down on one knee and opens the box.

Tears start rolling down Cas’s face.

“Cas, I love you and Claire so damn much. I don’t want to go another day without being married to you. So, will please marry me?” He asks, tears falling down his face as well.

Cas nods, “Yes, yes I’ll marry you!” He flings himself at Dean and they fall to the floor.

Dean grabs Cas’s face and pulls him in for a kiss.

Claire drops her sign and rose and jumps on them, “My daddies are getting married!” She shouts.

Dean and Cas laugh, “Claire, get up honey.” They say softly.

Claire climbs off them and Cas pulls himself off Dean kneeling on his knees. Dean sits up and grabs Cas’s left hand and slides the ring on his finger.

Claire throws her little arms around their necks. Dean and Cas wrap their arms around her and each other and share a family hug.

A few months later their wedding day arrives. All their friends and family are gathered in the church waiting to share their day with them.

Dean is standing at the alter with Sam next to his side and Gabriel standing behind him.

Charlie walks down the aisle in a pretty blue gown and winks at dean as she takes her place.

Next Eileen walks down the aisle in a pretty green gown and the entire time she has her eyes locked on Sam.

Dean smiles, thinking to himself They are next.

Next Claire walks down the aisle in a pretty, white, sparkly flower girl dress. She has a flower crown in her hair and the biggest smile on her face. Instead of a flower basket, like Dean thought she would have she has a wooden sign.

It reads, “Here comes Dad.” With a little heart next to it.

By time Claire reaches Eileen he’s crying.

The music starts, and the church doors open and in walks Cas.

He’s in a black suit, with a blue tie, making his bright blue eyes pop even more. He has a red rose pinned to his suit and a big smile on his face.

His hair is tousled, and his tan is noticeable with him wearing his dark suit. The suit hugs Cas in all the right ways. From his broad shoulders, to his muscles arms. To his thick, muscular thighs.

And his big, soft hands that handle Dean and their daughter with such care, but can smite a demon and crush their skull, are locked together and in front of him.

He’s taking his time walking down the aisle, but Dean would wait a lifetime if he had to.

When he finally reaches the alter he smiles at Dean and whispers, “Hello, Dean.”

Dean wipes his eyes, “You look beautiful, Cas.” He chokes out.

The reverend motions for everyone to takes their seats and dean and Cas turn towards each other and holds hands.

The ceremony is short and sweet, and they chose traditional vows.

Cas slides the ring on Deans finger and the blue and green diamonds encrusted in the band catches his eye and makes him cry again.

The reverend tells them they can kiss, so Dean cups Cas’s cheek and softly plants his lips on Cas’s soft, plump lips. It starts out soft and slow, and their friends and family claps. But then the kiss picks up when Cas runs his tongue along the bottom of Deans lip. Dean is apprehensive about it but opens up for him. Cas slips is tongue in and licks Deans mouth. Their tongues do a back and forth dance and their friends and family starts whistling.

“Get a room!” Gabriel shouts.

They break apart and the reverend turns them towards their friends and family and pronounces them Mr. and Mr. Winchester.

Dean and Cas lock hands and rub down the aisle.

The party takes place in a hotel ball room and everyone has a great time.

Dean and Cas do their first dance as husbands and then they both dance with Claire and everyone is all teary eyed.

After a few hours or dancing and mingling with their friends and family Cas tells Dean it’s time to go.

They walk over to Sam and Eileen who are dancing with Claire.

“Sammy, you better take extra good care of my Claire bear, while we’re gone.” Dean says patting him on the back.

“Don’t worry Dean, she’s in good hand.” Eileen tells him.

“Yeah, Dean. You know I love Claire with all my heart.” Sam tells him.

“Hey Claire.” Dean says.

Claire stops dancing and runs to her dad. Dean scoops her up and hugs her tight, “You be good for Uncle Sam, okay?” He asks.

She nods, “Yes, daddy.”

“Good, now give me a kiss.” She kisses her dad and Dean hands her to Cas.

“Okay my little angel. You be good. We’ll see you in a week. We love you.” Cas tells her hugging her tight.

Claire kisses his cheek, “I love you to dada. Now please put me down so I can dance!”

Cas chuckles and sets her down, she runs back to Eileen and grabs her hand and continues to dance.

“She’s going to sleep so good tonight. Remember Sam, no letting her stay up late, no matter how much she begs.” Dean says.

Sam rolls his eyes and hugs his brother, “Yeah, yeah. Now you two better get going before you miss you flight. I’ll see you in a week.”

Dean nods and watches Sam and Cas hug. Cas returns to Deans side and grabs his hand and they run out of the room with everyone applauding.

When they arrive at the airport, Dean is shocked when he finds out Cas is taking him to Paris.

“But, how-,” he starts, “-thank you.” He says kissing Cas on the cheek.

Cas smiles, “We might only get to see Paris for a day or two though.” He tells him.

Dean looks confused, “Why?”

Cas kisses his husband’s cheek and whispers in his ear and grabs his husband’s ass, “Because, I don’t plan on leaving our hotel room.”

Dean gulps and nods. God, can we be alone already. Dean thinks to himself.

They arrive in Paris and the first thing they do is make love all over their hotel room. They start as soon as they walk into the room with Dean pinning Cas against the wall and taking him right then and there.

Then they make love of the sofa.

Then they end up on the floor.

Next is the shower and Jacuzzi tub.

Then they make their way out to the balcony and Dean fucks Cas right against the railing, both not caring who see or hears them.

And then they finally make it to the bed.

They both are laying on their backs, hands intertwined panting and sated.

“Dean, you’ve been holding back.” Cas says after catching his breath.

Dean rolls on his side and props himself up on his elbow, “Yeah, well when we have a three-year-old that takes ninety percent of our time and hunting takes up the other ten percent, it’s hard to let loose like that.”

Cas rolls on his side and places his hand on Deans hip, “I know. We haven’t had much time for ourselves.” He says softly rubbing circles on Dean’s hip.

“Hey,” Dean pauses waiting for Cas’s eyes to meet his, when Cas looks up he continues, “It’s okay. It happens. If you can’t tell, I still want you. I’ll always want you.” As if on cue, Dean’s dick hardens.

Cas chuckles, “I know. I know you do. We just have to make sure we make time for one another.”

Dean nods and climbs on top of Cas, “Now is a great time to start.” He says dipping his head and kissing Cas’s neck.

Cas chuckles, “Dean, we just finished having sex for the seventh time.”

Dean nips his neck and nuzzles it with his nose, “So? Are you telling me you don’t want me, Mr. Winchester?”

Mr. Winchester, Cas loves the sound of that, “No, Mr. Winchester. In fact, I’d love it if you’d make love to me.” he says softly.

Dean pulls back and cups Cas’s cheek, “I love you.” He whispers and captures Cas’s lips with his own.

They spend the first two days of their honeymoon in their hotel room making love.

On third day they go exploring and don’t return until later.

On the fourth day Cas takes Dean to the Eiffel Tower. They spend the day climbing the stairs to the top and their day having dinner there.

On the fifth day Cas wants to tour The Louvre and the Notre Dam-de Paris.

On the sixth day they walk the streets of Paris and have dinner at a quiet little restaurant.

Over dinner Cas decides to bring up an email he received.

“Dean.” Cas says after taking a sip of his wine.

“Yeah?” He asks.

Cas grabs his phone and opens his email, “I received an email from the adoption agency, where we got Claire.” He tells him.

“Okay, and?”

“And, Claire’s birth mother is pregnant and wants us to adopt the baby after it’s born.” He says, sliding his phone over to Dean so he can view the email.

Dean grabs Cas’s phone and reads the email. When he’s finished he hands Cas his phone and smiles.

“So, what are your thoughts?” Cas asks.

Dean reaches his hand across the table and Cas places his hand in Deans, “Let’s do it.” He says smiling.

Cas perks up, “Really?” He asks.

Dean nods, “Yes, I want to adopt Claire’s sibling.”

Cas smiles, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They finish their dinner and head back to the hotel room.

The next morning, they wake up and pack before they head to the airport.

They are sad to be leaving, but they can’t wait to get home and see their daughter.

When they pull into the bunkers garage, before Dean can put the impala in park Cas is throwing himself out the Car and running into the bunker.

Dean shakes his head, parks the car, and leaves the bags in the trunk.

He enters the bunker and sees Cas hugging Claire.

When Claire sees Dean, she asks Cas to put her down and comes running over to him, “DADDY!” She screams throwing herself into his arms.

He scoops her up and hugs her tight, “Hi, Sweetheart.”

When they pull into the bunkers garage, before Dean can put the impala in park Cas is throwing himself out the Car and running into the bunker.

Dean shakes his head, parks the car, and leaves the bags in the trunk.

He enters the bunker and sees Cas hugging Claire.

When Claire sees Dean, she asks Cas to put her down and comes running over to him, “DADDY!” She screams throwing herself into his arms.

He scoops her up and hugs her tight, “Hi, Sweetheart.”

“I missed you.” She says.

“And we missed you. Now tell me, where you good for uncle Sam?” He asks softly.

Claire nods, “I didn’t even ask him to stay up past my bed time. And I kept my room clean.”

Dean nods, “Where is uncle Sam?”

She points to the hallway, “Him and aunt Eileen are in my room. We were playing barbies. But he’s not as good as you and dad.” She whispers.

Dean chuckles and sets her down. She takes off towards her room.

Dean holds his hand out to Cas and he walks over and links their fingers. They walk down the hall and enter Claire’s room.

“Uncle Sam, you can’t put those shoes with that dress.” Claire tells Sam.

“Yes, you can! They match the dress perfectly!” He argues.

“Gee Sam, I didn’t peg you as a fashion expert.” Dean chuckles.

Sam whips his head and sees Dean and Cas standing in the doorway, “Hey! Your back!”

They enter the room and sit on the floor between Sam and Eileen, “Yeah, we are. Hi Eileen.” Dean says, signing hi to Eileen.

“Hi Dean. Welcome back Mr. and Mr. Winchester.” She says.

“How was Paris?” Sam asks.

Dean and Cas share a smile, “Amazing.” They say in unison.

Sam cringes, “Next time, I won’t ask.”

Dean places a hand on his shoulder, “Oh come on Sammy. When you and Eileen get married, you’ll be doing the same thing.”

“Ha, yeah.” Sam says.

Cas clears his throat, “We have something important to tell you both.”

Sam and Eileen lean in and Cas and Dean share a look, “We got an email saying Claire’s birth mom is expecting again. And she asked us to adopt the baby. She doesn’t want anyone else.” They explain.

“And?” Sam asks.

“And, we decided we’re going to.” They say together.

Eileen and Sam smile, “Congratulations!” They say together.

“Thanks. We still have to tell Claire.” Dean says.

“But we agreed to do it in a special way.” Cas explains.

Sam and Eileen nod and agree to keep quiet about it.

They spend the rest of the day catching up and spending time with their daughter.

A week later Dean and Cas make an appointment with the adoption agency and Claire’s birth mother.

They find out she’s due in a couple of weeks and is having a boy.

So, after Dean and Cas go to the baby store and purchases everything they will need for a newborn, plus more. All the furniture will be delivered later that day. So, they go and get decorations for the nursery and a bunch of baby clothes.

Before they head home, they stop at the t-shirt store to pick up the custom t-shirt they made for Claire.

When they get home, they leave everything besides the t-shirt in the car.

Claire is sitting in her room, playing with her kitchen set when Dean and Cas enter.

“Claire bear.” Dean says in a sing song voice.

“Yes, daddy?” She says turning around.

“Come here, we have a present for you.”

Claire runs over and excitedly holds her hands out. Dean takes the bag out from behind his back and hands it to Claire.

Dean and Cas grip each other tight and smile brightly at her.

She rips the tissue paper out of the bag and pulls out the purple shirt with butterflies on it.

“It’s so pretty! Thank you!” She tells them.

“Read what is says, Claire.” Cas tells her.

She holds it up and reads it out loud, “Big Sister. What does that mean?” She asks them.

Dean and Cas kneel, so they are eye level with her, “Well honey, that means you’re going to have a little sibling in a couple of weeks.” Dean says softly.

“What daddy means is, we are adopting a baby boy. You’re going to be a big sister.” Cas explains.

She looks at them and smiles, “Really?” she asks.

They nod, “Yes really.”

She squeals and throws her little arms around their necks, “I am so happy!”

A few weeks later, they get a phone call in the middle of the night saying Claire’s mother is in labor with their son.

Dean and Cas jump out of bed and get dressed.

They wake up Sam and Eileen to tell them the exciting news and tell them they will call when the baby is here, so they can bring Claire out to meet her brother.

Dean speeds to the hospital and go in to tell Claire’s mother she’ll do great and to thank her for choosing them to adopt her son.

A few hours later a nurse comes out to the waiting room to tell Dean and Cas their son is waiting to meet them.

They follow her into a little room and the nurse picks the baby up out of the bassinet and hands him to Dean.

“At 7:43 am on September 19th, your son was born. He weighed in at 8lbs 7oz and 19 and 1/2 inches long.” The nurse tells him.

Dean and Cas look down and their beautiful, healthy son and they start crying.

“What do you plan on naming him?” She asks, clipboard in hand.

Dean and Cas share a look and Dean nods, “Jack Winchester.” Cas tells her.

The lady nods, “You’ll be able to take him home in a few days. We want to make sure he’s all good to go and go over the procedures with you on how to change a diaper, bottle feed him and so forth.” She explains.

They nod, and she exits the room giving them privacy.

Dean hands Jack to Cas and pulls out his phone to call Sam.

Before he calls Sam, he snaps a picture of Cs holding Jack and looking at him lovingly.

He calls Sam and tells him to bring Claire out whenever she wakes up.

A few hours later Sam, Eileen, and Claire arrive at the hospital.

Cas goes out to meet them and brings them to the room.

Dean’s holding Jack while Cas comes in the room holding Claire, Sam and Eileen following close behind.

Dean looks at Claire, “Hi, sweetheart. Dad and I have someone we want you to meet.”

Cas comes over with Claire and she stares at the sleeping baby.

“Claire, this is your baby brother Jack.” Dean tells her softly.

“Jack? I like that name.” She says.

Dean and Cas chuckle, “Good to know.”

“Can I give him a kiss?” She asks.

Dean nods and holds Jack, so Claire can give her brother a kiss. When she does they hear a click of a camera and looks at Eileen.

“Sorry, I brought my camera. I wanted to capture some shots of you guys with Jack and Claire meeting him.”

Dean and Cas smile, grateful someone thought to capture the precious moment and spend some time getting their pictures taken.

After Sam and Eileen leaves, Dean and Cas are sitting on the couch in the room.

Claire is snuggled in Cas’s arms, and Jack is cuddled in Deans arms.

Dean looks at his beautiful family, “What did I do to get so lucky to have such a beautiful family?” He asks softly.

Cas lays his head on Dean’s shoulder, “Just by being you, Dean.”

Dean smiles and kisses the top of Cas’s head, “I love you, Cas.”

“I love you too, Dean.”

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fanfic-scribbles · 6 years

Text

To Want

Fandom: Supernatural

Summary: The apocalypse has ended and you feel like a fifth wheel. You figure it’s time to move on.

Quick facts: Friendship – Team Free Will & Reader (and Chuck & Reader) and side-pairings of Sam/Gabriel, Dean/Castiel – Nondescript Reader

Warnings: Personal angst, self-doubt, angst leading to fluff, the Sabriel and Destiel are mentioned in passing (explicitly stated but not explicit, if you get my drift), fluffy fluff ending

Words: 1573

A/N: I wanted to do fluffy Chuck/Reader but it needs some extra work, and I’ve been going off and on with this piece for a while and figure it’s as ready to post as it’s ever going to be. So have some post S5 apocalypse canon-diverged fluff. Sappy ending! I do love my sappy endings.

You breathe and watch your exhalations float away in a cloud of white. The bench you’re sitting on is right next to a streetlamp and you feel oddly exposed. It doesn’t matter– shouldn’t matter. The corrupted black dog that has been terrorizing the town is gone and you can handle most humans. The urge to hide is almost instinctive by now, though, so you shift and try to settle onto cold stone and sip your coffee before it freezes over.

You can fight the urge to hide. The urge to run, though, is something else.

It’s been months since the apocalypse. Since Stull, since Sam grabbed hold of Michael and squashed the devil and dove into Hell. Since Gabriel made a triumphant return thanks to the big G and appeared in a nearby tree, dangling Sam by his ankle and saying “Lose something?”

Sam and Dean and Castiel are okay. Gabriel is alive and well. Your problems should be nonexistent. And yet, you don’t really know where to go from here.

Watching Dean and Cas fall into each other’s arms was a slow and frustrating process, even after they both seemed to acknowledge something was there. Watching Sam and Gabe do the same was surprising, almost dizzying, but both couples are pretty equally happy and you don’t begrudge any of them that. They’ve all gone through so much they deserve nothing but happiness.

They’re not the problem. You’re pretty sure the problem is you. No one else has said it, but you know that has to be the case. So you sit on a park bench on a cold night and wonder what you’re going to do, now, and how you’re going to leave your friends without them following you. You don’t know what would be worse– them trying to follow, or them not trying at all.

Someone calls your name and you jolt out of your thoughts. You see a familiar man walking up to you, but it can’t be…

“Chuck?” You actually rub your eyes and no, he’s not a hallucination of your tired mind. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

“Um, nothing. Nothing specific, anyways.” He sits down next to you and hunches over, keeping his hands in his pockets “After the apocalypse the visions died down. A lot. So I decided maybe I was off the hook, and after something like that…I don’t know; I just decided I wanted to go see the world we almost lost.” He smiles sheepishly. “So, here I am, just passing through, but I admit I sort of…felt a ‘pull’ over this way. What are you doing here? Is anything– uh– there’s nothing eating people here, is there?”

“Not anymore,” you say, trying to smile reassuringly. “Traveling, huh? That sounds like a really good idea. How’s…um, is Becky with you?”

You’re ready to call Sam with a code red when Chuck lets out a little laugh and shakes his head. “We, uh, we broke up.”

“Oh.” That’s actually a relief, but you’re tactful enough not to show it. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. We– we just weren’t right, you know?” He chuckles and brings his gloved hands out to rub them together. “I’m not exactly a prince and she’s…intense.”

“True. She seems good enough though.” You sigh. She is intense, but… “We all cling to whatever we need to get by.”

Chuck’s quiet for a few moments. “Sounds like you can really relate.”

You let out a little “heh” and lean back. “I’m finding out just how hard I can cling when I know I should let go.” Something in your chest clenches and you put your hand over it. “Knowing what I should do doesn’t make it easier, though.”

Chuck puts a timid hand on yours. “How do you know you should, then?”

“It’s the right thing to do.”

“You don’t sound like you believe that.”

“I will.”

Chuck says your name a little desperately and you watch his expression change to something pained. It confuses you until he says, “You’re…kind of scaring me right now. What’s the ‘right thing’ that you’re talking about?”

You shake your head. “Nothing that bad, Chuck. Don’t worry. I’m just…” You look at the sky, like it can help. “I need to leave, and it’s bumming me out. Cas and Sam and Gabe and Dean…I’m gonna miss them.”

“What? But everything I see makes it look like you guys fit so good together.” He squeezes your hand. “Did something happen? Did they ask you to leave?”

“No. They’re too good to me,” you say and look down. “I just know when I need to bow out and…Sam has Gabe, and Dean has Cas. They have two angels on call. They don’t need me hanging around, gumming up the works. It’s been a long time coming. Even before, Sam and Dean are real good hunters. They don’t need me. They never really did.”

“That’s not true.”

You snap your head up so fast it hurts, but you can only absently rub your neck when you find yourself staring at Castiel, Dean, Gabriel and Sam. Cas cants his head to one side and Sam comes to sit next to you, where Chuck–

–where Chuck was. You blink in surprise but the conversation at hand has you more nervous than the fact that the prophet of God has just vanished without your friends or their angels being at all concerned. That says something about your life that you’re not really ready to unpack. That says something about Chuck that you’re not really ready to unpack.

“Why would you think we don’t need you?” Sam asks, all care and concern. Gabriel is perched on the back of the bench just off to the side of Sam’s other shoulder. Someone half-sits on the armrest on your other side– Dean, you confirm with a look, with Cas right behind him. They all fit so well together, and yet…and yet you feel like you fit right with them.

But that’s wishful thinking; it must be, and you steel your nerves because one way or another this conversation has to happen, and maybe it’s a good thing it’s happening now. At least you won't be able to keep stalling.

“You guys, you’re all…” You wave your hands but nobody seems to get it. Fair. You’re trying to explain it but you’re not sure you can. “You’ve got each other. You’re all good together. Sam and Dean– you’re two of the best hunters around, and now you have your angels. You don’t need me dragging you down.”

“That’s dumb.”

You look at Gabriel, as does Sam, and by the way the archangel looks behind you, apparently Dean and Cas do the same. “What?” he asks, defensively. “It is!”

Sam rolls his eyes and turns back to you. “What Gabriel means is, of course we need you.”

“Now perhaps even more than ever,” Cas says.

That catches your attention and you look at the angel. He stares back, unflinching. “Heaven is in a state of chaos that Gabriel and I must try to help settle. We will be back whenever we can, but for the time being, we are needed elsewhere.”

“And a lot of things got stirred up in the almost-end-of-days,” Gabriel says, leaning back and defying gravity, as he does.

“We’re getting more tips all the time,” Sam says. “There’s probably more work for hunters than there ever has been.”

“And fewer hunters to deal with it,” Dean says grimly. He grips your shoulder and you look at him, surprised by the contact. “And even if we didn’t need you…so what? Isn't it enough that we want you around?”

You swallow. Protests, excuses, maybe tears; you’re not sure what. But you can’t find it in yourself to argue. Especially if Gabriel and Castiel are arguing for you to stay even when they aren’t– they must trust you to take care of Dean and Sam. And that’s enough for you.

“I guess someone has to be around to keep you two idiots from getting yourselves killed,” you say. Dean rolls his eyes and Sam snorts. Castiel smiles and Gabriel grins.

“That’s the spirit!” Gabriel hops off the bench and Sam stands. “Now can we get going before my ass literally becomes a block of ice?”

Dean scoffs as they begin to walk over to where the car is parked on the side of the road. “Your ass is not going to become a– oh, that’s cheating!”

They fade out, arguing and laughing, and you look around for Chuck only to realize Cas is still there. “What are you looking for?” he asks and looks for himself.

“Uh…” You hold up your coffee cup. “Trashcan.” Luckily there is one of those. “I’ll be right there, okay?”

Cas nods and goes after the group, while you walk in the opposite direction to a trashcan set next to a nearby tree. You take a moment to breathe, because given how gung-ho Sam and Dean sound about getting back to work, it’s probably going to be the last chance you have to do so for a while. You smile. You can’t wait.

Turning to go to the car, you can see a distant figure down the path, just standing there. You give a little wave. “Thanks, Chuck.”

The figure waves back, and disappears. You walk towards the Impala and then start to run when Dean honks impatiently.

You’ve got work to do.

#spn reader insert #supernatural fanfiction #team free will #chuck shurley #reader insert #friendship fic #angst to fluff

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fireflythecinnamonjollyrancher · 3 years

Text

hello it is once again time for my end of the year wrap up. this should be... interesting

january

finally finally got to have a happy apartment experience!!!!! tried out tea drops which are dope. there was a fair amount of stress revolving around APO induction and the musical rehearsal, but we made it!!! partied hardy (the infamous tess in the washing machine incident) kelli was watching always sunny more often than not. i wore some arguably bad clothing but ya know. gays. we tried to take off my closet door (it did NOT work). the beginning of the goose saga! there was a sleet storm so kelli and i made some popcorn and watched mike birbiglia’s new special. darci, kelli and i went out to eat and then ended up in babcock playing air hockey before watching videos with kai who was on duty. PEP BAND???? some good memories formed there. dogs in the library! got bullied by my library boss to put gas in my car and i sent her a video of proof that i did it “daddy long legs” “stop. what?” “the musical” (i do love timothy) i actually practiced my instrument lol wild. WE (becky, celeste, timothy and i) WATCHED SPIRIT and got wildly drunk -- the origin of “[redacted] [redacted] who???” which is my favorite joke.

february

MORE PEP BAND im actually really glad i spent my last few college months dicking around with the band. one man drumline!!! kai made some good tiktoks in our apartment! miss hanging with them it was really fun. oh i hung out with sam and celeste watching movies “he was a boy, she was a dolphin, can i make it anymore [strangled dolphin noises]” OUR MICROWAVE HANDLE BROKE OFF while kelli was gone man that entire apartment was falling apart (hey dumbass grab from top) -- a list of things that were broken in our apartment: fridge light, front entry light, showerhead, phone. the birth of the beans insta!!!! got hit on when i was at taco bell with timothy by being accused of being trans (taco bell guy was not far off to be fair). oh the improv posters as compared to the posters i built for an organization fair. went out and got daRUNK at what appears to be wandas. really struggled with my period. cut hair with kelli n darci. MOZZ STICKS. “you still a lil bitch???” oh we did kpy pal-entines!!! where we ate good food and watched the princess bride!!! i received the plush goose. there was a possible bombing at the bank next door to where we rehearsed for band. aw i went on a tommy’s date with becky that was cute. they tried to STEAL the QUESO. disagreed with a curb and still have those scars. worked a horrible gig at the theatre. closing shifts at the library baby! middle school tours EW more library dogs! fish hooks song oh my god. drunk mash nights!!! i rewatched HAVEN and had lots of feelings. actually got drunk alone a lot which was Bad. however michael malloys birthday! watched choir concert at work lol. stats final whilst drunk!!!! becky got a piercing

march

here things go downhill rapidly. hit up the trains at least once. oh late library nights with timothy!!!! the best nights i miss hanging with him while at work. struggled with my car. went on a college sponsored adventure to a back alley farm. SCURVY FEARS. opening shifts that were lonely. oh celeste played plague and named it covid and won lol yikes. the infamous apartment cone. we stayed up long enough to see the sunrise on literally the last day in college I would ever have. that was good. I FOUND OUT KELLI HAD GLASSES im still pissed. came home indefinitely. went to st patty’s day at brookes with karrigan and that was SO much fun (this was before things seemed real) the best part of that was the irish pub owner who happened to have a son that went to my college. got my mom onto tik tok. took a gay lit class. can’t believe i took daily fckn walks around the pasture who was i. hosted virtual meetings for apo and played around with the closed captioning. that was fun. shaved my moms head lmaooo. worked on my capstone which im like super proud of? i wish i could have directed it but say law vee.

april

BAGPIPE CORPS INTERNATIONAL. virtual band wreaked havoc on my animals mental health. my grandmother would always bug me while i was working which i understand now was misplaced love but it was so irritating at the time. we had library meetings once a week or so that was vital to mental health. hosted a really fun “panel” about queer identity for my queer lit class that was able to educate a lot of people. having a capstone class with am*lia was a nightmare. watched a cirque du soleil show for free and lost my mind. wrote a comedic monologue that i suffered through. suffered through papers and projects. worked on a project with celeste and kelli and we had SUCH a good time. i hosted several jackbox nights for both apo and kpy. that was SUCH an exhausting experience. also uno and drawful with the uno group (kelli would win 100% of the time). ranted about group projects lol i struggled. OH THE MOVE OUT DEBACLE i really went off the deep end. kelli’s virtual birthday!!!!

may

we had so many good jackbox nights. academic showcase and honors convocation happened wherein i was name bronco award winner and that really wrecked me too lol. we had a sunday crew hang out for library workers. clarinet game night too! i tried so hard to build community during covid and im not altogether sure i accomplished it but ya know whatever. watsky broke the record! made my “aced it” grad cap which was so FUNNY and still is tbh. becky taught me how to do makeup. took grad pictures at an abandoned farmhouse lol OH MY GOSH BEAUX ARTS AND APO SKIT i was so proud of that night and annette said it was the best one we’d ever had. wish i had done more but we did it boys. also got VERY drunk for it lol completely redid my room. bc it was NASTY. the way i write papers is so SO funny to me. had our last capstones class and then dressed in grad outfits for our last lit meeting . graduated and got all my stuff from college finally. went shopping with timothy, had el puerto with becky (i think?). oh the infamous miller moths UGH shit is nasty. THE FORMING OF BANJO SHRIMPS occurred on may 24 2020 and that was the absolute best thing to come out of this year. started working at my dads agency which was the absolute worst thing to come out of this year. attended my first protest in cos which was good and healthy. started protesting regularly after that. my most poignant memory was laying down in front of city hall and chanting “i cant breathe” for 8 minutes.

june

it snowed???? i was angry. part of my job was reading my dad’s email and there was some WACKO shit in there. went to brookes for pride as a surprise which was cute n fun. had a horrible interaction with a client. the appearance of the bigfoot statue!!!! we had a vanilla beans hang out. there was a WILD storm that literally made my hide out in the office.

july

went on a bonkers rant about america bc fuck this place. helped mom out with homework. we had several clients get divorces which was messy. went to a Bad party where i was angry the whole time. went to the top of pikes peak with my grandma and saw many much bigfoot things. we got a GOOSE he hated us so much. oh there was a night where darci and kai came over and we hijacked kelli’s spotify and communicated that way it was SO funny. took a video of the dichotomy of man bc of my long ass leg hair and short ass head hair. shaved my head to the BONE and tried dragon fruit. GOT NIKO ON JULY 24 my sweet sweet boy lil bat looking motherfucker. got denied for life insurance for mental health reasons.

august

went back to hc for a birthday “party” and to see the band. did a lot in that weekend (stayed with timothy’s family, helped becky move, met kelli’s look-alike, saw timothy and karlie’s new house!!! had lunch with kellis family which is closest to “meet my parents” i think i’ll ever get lmao). got my prof headshots and hate every single one of them but more for self esteem reasons lol. neighbors got goats and my mom lost her marbles. got trapped in traffic on the way back from hc. niko had crackhead energy. oooooooh documented gender crisis. ma got more chickens. went to a birthday party for a high school friend and was just... so out of my element. its weird. took off my grandma’s bathroom door bc she had knee surgery. started a full time job as my grandmother’s caretaker (love working for the family business lol).

september

went to breckenridge with a friend!!!!!! spicy times lol. cleaned the cupboard. had a birf. turned 22. cas finished her drugs!!!! and felt much better. we did a charcuterie board for my birthday which was very fun. Got a mixer set!!! went to hc for homecoming and graduated!!!!! surprised celeste and hannah with a celebration party for them (it was a lot of fun). came up with my BEST joke (summa cum laude). got called tf out for my gender crisis via tarot. got the goose game!!!! played the goose game!!!!

october

applied to chicago center!!!! will now be working there for a year!!!! this was the first documentation of banjo shrimp nights. surprised my dad for boss day by working with the team to fill his office with balloons. house sat for dad’s friends. started taking showers in the dark. went to celestes and made PASTA wow got very drunk and while she slept i just explored a strangers house. voted!!!!! wow. finally (finally) started to accept that i was maybe agender. had a snow day but i couldn’t work so that was fun. had halloween with banjo shrimps where i dressed up as david rose. that was SUCH a good night. participated in ace week!!! then, dressed as radar for actual halloween and had monumental. worked a volunteer haunted house and like... actually did pretty good?? felt like a real adult!!!!

november

so many things happened in november. i finished miraculous ladybug on netflix. had another bad interaction with a client bc the customer is always wrong. shaved my head. PRESENTATION NIGHT to distract from the election lmao what a good time. had so many emotions about the election. then biden won and we lost our damn minds -- video called with celeste and becky to celebrate (with the reminder that we know that this doesn’t solve everything but it was such a huge sigh of relief). started watching the last kids on earth. made more PASTA and soup! got my GHOSTY TATTOO. kahoot night with the banjo shrimps lol. watched the supernatural finale with kelli (what good memories) rewatched 3below good shit. got the chicago job so i quit being an insurance person!!!! brooke came for thanksgiving!!!

december

i dont wanna talk about it but i finally started watching unus annus (theres an archive its not the same but it provided me wild amounts of serotonin). “call that invisible split dye”. crimmus. had a video call with people from high school i rarely if ever see. this entire month has been a fuckin blur my guys but i’m so excited for what’s next. in two days i will be in an apartment in chicago. i will be reunited with my best friend in a little under two weeks. i cannot emphasize enough how excited i am for this next chapter. so yeah. that was my year. im sure there was more memories but that’s what the sideblog is for lol

#firefly talks #yearly wrap up

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caricatlc · 4 years

Text

BASICS –

full name: alice marisol romero

nicknames: none

birthdate: 4 august 2025

birthplace: plattsburgh, new york

ethnicity: columbian, cuban, and caucasian

nationality: american, english

languages: english, spanish

accent: slight bronx accent

APPEARANCE –

hair color & style: dark brown, usually kept waist-length and wavy, with green tips after breaking up with nigel

eye color: dark brown

height: five feet five inches

build: thicc. muscular but also hyper-feminine

skin tone: olive skin that rarely burns and tans well

personal style:

grunge lite. alice prefers to be comfortable above all else, so soft fabrics and denim are her go-tos. when she dates nigel she adopts a more instagram ho aesthetic to match his, but her heart isn’t really into bodycon dresses if she cant accessorize them with doc martens and a flannel.

distinguishing marks: expressive face

tattoos: ‘esforzada’ on back of neck ( x ), ivy on left wrist ( x )

piercings: two piercings in both lobes, helix piercing in left ear, daith and industrial in right ear, belly button

FAMILY –

parents: noah romero and lia villace

parental relationships:

while seth is more gregarious, alice is a quiet reflection of noah. as a result, their relationship deals largely in companionable silence. he’s not one to gossip with but always good help for moral quandaries. he’s also more likely to catch alice in the middle of doing something wrong, but mostly just offers gentle advice and hopes for the best. alice really hates to disappoint her father.

lia is a fun parent. alice almost always has fun with her mother, even if the interaction ends on a sour note. she can run a lot of day-to-day thoughts past her mother-- lia is kept mostly in the loop about the goings on in her daughter’s life. however, some compulsion leads alice to remain silent about her love life as it seems like it would be much easier to let her mother believe that everything is going fine.

siblings: rex, seth, and michael romero

sibling relationships:

when rex came into their lives, alice understood the difference between her twin and an actually older brother immediately. she enjoys spending time with rex, and ever since she was young she was always content to tag along with her ‘fun’ brother.

what can alice say about seth? they know each other better than anyone else, and speak almost exclusively in snark. but opposites don’t always attract, and their very big, drastically different personalities clash and erupt frequently. when times are good, though, they’re each other’s biggest hype-man as they snap another selfie.

michael is a strange one, but alice will always hold a tenderness for her little brother. she’s helped house dozens of wild animals and filmed a vine or two in her time. while she’s not keen on him bringing insects into the house it’d certainly be difficult for her to turn him down for anything.

birth order: only girl, younger twin, middle child

status in family:

alice likes to think that she’s practically invisible in her family. she’s not as rebellious as rex, or as obnoxious as seth, or as rambunctious as michael. but alice is a quiet ride-along for almost everyone in her family-- she really holds good relationships with everyone in the house. for the most part, it really seems like her parents and brother just want the best for her.

distant relations: bash romero, second cousin

pets:

wells and bilbo, the dogs, are always happy to see her, but she’s also conditioned them to remain quiet if they want a treat from her nightly comings and goings. felix, the cat, is a good companion on a gloomy day, with alice finding comfort in his rumbling, sleepy purr.

FRIENDS –

close friends:

alice has known ellie albright since birth. or even before that since ellie’s parents attended the same birthing classes as alice’s. the albrights returned to italy for a few years shortly after ellie’s birth but the two girls were paired up again before they could even tie their shoes. they’ve been best friends ever since. ellie brightens alice up to draw out a softer side than alice rarely presents alone. alice makes ellie more assertive, unafraid to stand up for her friend if she thinks ellie needs help.

it took rumi thatcher a bit longer to enter the picture, but she’s not going anywhere. rumi’s dead-pan sense of humor endeared her to alice immediately after she moved into town in the forth grade. ever the calm logician, rumi finds great amusement in tempering alice’s hot temper. they share a mutual love of nature that often leads them to dreamy afternoons surrounded by beautiful woods.

technically considered a cousin through brotherly love, dallas hong is probably the only boy that alice can completely get along with. he’s certainly the easiest to get along with out of her brother’s crew, with his laidback guy’s guy charm. while she’s annoyed at how tall he’s gotten as they age, she knows that his easygoing personality won’t ever change on her.

tensions:

adam hudson has been seth’s best friend for years, but his and alice’s interactions have always been tentative. he has a way of confronting her with the truth when she’s least likely to accept it. their relationship is hard to define, atleast on alice’s part.

alice and dapne newcomb used to be friends, much to the chagrin of ellie and rumi. the brash blonde wasn’t always a good influence, and they tended to clash over their many differences in opinion. it wasn’t until alice supposedly ‘stole’ nigel chadwick-wembley from daphne that their relationship fractured completely. daphne is the root cause for much of the suffering alice experienced in high school, so she’s not at all keen to rekindle the friendship.

if there’s one person that alice could do without ever seeing again, it’s nigel chadwick-wembley. he was her first real boyfriend, but the supposed fairytale beginning led to nothing but trouble, even if alice did her best to keep anyone from finding out about the more controlling aspects of his personality. they were on-again off-again for so long, but alice finally broke it off for good and never looked back.

there’s nothing wrong with ruby robbins-- in fact, she’s perfect. alice has always felt like she was competing with the other girl, even if that’s hardly true. they share similar interests but ruby’s easygoing demeanor makes everything seem so effortless in a way that alice can’t help but envy. she does consider ruby a friend, though, and would do anything for her if she asked.

crushes:

so much of the tension in alice’s relationship with adam hudson stems entirely from their mutual attraction. when they were much younger she was aware of it but content to ignore it, but as they’ve grown older things have changed. alice finds herself at odds with his ill-suited girlfriend and with him over it. ever since she kissed him on christmas, the muddled emotions there have only gotten worse.

the first boy that ever had alice truly starstruck was leo robbins. the definition of a cool, older boy, leo’s appeal quickly passed but she remained impressed by his sense of style and teenage rebellion. in fact, alice was quick to take up his mantle selling weed to a few of their acquaintances when leo decided to move on from the business.

as a friend:

alice is a friend like batman-- she’ll come if you send out the signal. anytime anywhere, alice will be by your side if you’d let her. she’s fiercely protective of them and will want to help them achieve their goals no matter how trivial. she can be too blunt at times, which tends to rub people the wrong way if it’s not quite what they want or expect to hear. but she’ll have your back until the end, without saying ‘i told you so’ to anyone but seth.

PERSONALITY –

positive traits: enterprising, candid, empathetic

neutral traits: self-sufficient, meticulous, noncommittal

negative traits: volatile, withdrawn, self-involved

astrology sign: leo sun / gemini moon, the confidence man ( x )

mbti: istp-t, the virtuoso

theme songs: i’m not okay (i promise) by my chemical romance / agnes by glass animals

aesthetic:

dyeing your hair in the bathroom, guitar calluses, jumping off the porch roof, lilac bushes, the solitary silence of 4 am, soil between your fingers and toes

LIFESTYLE –

partying habits:

a stoner to the max, alice deals quite literally in weed, inheriting a small client base from leo robbins. when she first started dating nigel, alice found she didn’t mind the party scene. there’s always fun to be had, and she can handle her alcohol. she’s also not necessarily opposed to experimenting at parties-- if there’s a good time to be had, alice will try a sporadic drug or two without feeling particularly inclined to do these things later on her own.

smoking habits:

directly inherited from her father, alice took up smoking as an act of teenage rebellion and favors menthol cigarettes. she finds it calming to smoke late at night when no one is around, or whenever she is overwhelmed by the situation at hand. finds it to be a handy tool to escape social situations if things aren’t going well.

eating habits:

growing up in a four-child household has definitely made alice a bit food aggressive. she eats when the opportunity presents itself but doesn’t pig out very often. snacks usually seem like a good idea, and alice is content to bring healthy options when she can. late-night meals are a staple in her diet. salty-sweet combinations are her usual favorite.

excercise habits:

alice has been practicing aikido and tae kwon do since she was young, and as a result has adopted a fair amount of exercise and weight training into her daily routine. mostly she just works to maintain equilibrium and not lose any muscle mass or physical ability, but if she’s feeling particularly stressed or upset she’ll throw herself into her workouts.

work ethic:

it’s alice’s belief that she can work hard and play hard, so long as she meets the deadlines set out for her. she’s got decent time management skills and works best with a loose schedule where she can make the decisions about what to do, when. when it comes to school work, alice is content to maintain her good grades in order to fly under the radar with her parents.

sleeping habits:

when alice feels tired she can fall asleep anywhere, but her penchant for the peace of nighttime usually finds her awake well into the early mornings. she is a deep sleeper, but an agreeable one. sharing a bed with her is not a bad experience as she’ll typically move wherever she is prodded without much fuss. she usually prefers to sleep with a loose comforter and top sheet and will cocoon inside. waking up outside of her typical routine can be a challenge, but once alice wakes up she is awake for good.

ideal living space:

alice’s bedroom at home is well-lit and cozy, with an abundance of houseplants in any available spot of sunlight. her walls are filled with things she likes looking at: posters of her favorite bands, watercolor prints she and ellie made, and endless photos of herself and her friends. she usually takes time once a week to clean up, as she has a tendency to drop clothes or books wherever they lay as she moves onto something else.

quirks:

despite being a fan of all things spooky, jump scares always get her good. she’s usually the middle person in the haunted house group, and subsequently is always getting picked on. she will let you borrow anything she owns, but it’s of utmost importance that you ask first.

INTERESTS –

hobbies:

alice has been playing guitar and practicing martial arts since she was very small. her love for plants wasn’t fostered until later in life, but she prides herself on rehabilitating various wilted houseplants she happens upon. she loves a good smoke session and will make a whole event out of some rolling papers and a gram of fresh weed. she’s usually a pretty willing participant in any photoshoots that ellie cooks up.

best school subject:

science has always been a passion of alice’s. she’s a stem student through and through, excelling in maths and sciences from a very young age. through high school she took college level chemistry and biology courses.

worst school subject:

history always presented its challenges, but as alice grew older and her inability to learn much hands on coupled with the fact that most schooling was a little on the white supremacist side of the situation, alice tended to skip these classes as much as possible or spend as long as she could backtalking a teacher just trying to stick to curriculum.

opinion of education:

alice doesn’t mind school itself-- college classes are perfectly designed to give alice all the free space she needed in a high school curriculum. but her not-so-stellar experience with the allegedly popular social scene made her more than ready to finally be free of high school.

career aspirations / achievements:

a perfect overlap of her loves of science and nature, alice dreams of becoming a bioengineer. she’s well on her way to it, quickly showing aptitude for higher-level stem courses from an early age.

favorite things:

her guitar, family breakfasts, american beauty, ellie & rumi, pop punk music, hand-rolled joints, ghost adventures, her freshly-made bed, chocolate covered pretzels, restarting the bell jar, when plants grow new leaves, her led zeppelin shirt ( x ), god of high school

boredom cure:

driving then walking, or just walking, as far as you can in silence, discovering a beautiful spot to watch the sun set, or rise, depending on when the urge strikes.

#character sheet #alice romero

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codependentsoulmates · 7 years

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RANKING EVERY SEASON OF SUPERNATURAL

Let’s a-freakin’-go, Mario.

12. Season 7. Leviathans. And Sam’s god-awful wolverine sideburns. ‘Nuff said.

11. Season 6. Soulless Sam was hilariously, sarcastically endearing for a little while, but towards the end of the Soulless Sam arc, just, ugh. I wanted to fast forward so bad. Samuel coming back was unnecessary and anticlimactic, “evil Cas” was an eye roller, I didn’t give a shit about Lisa and Ben, um... EVE??? What the actual fuck was that. She was possibly the single most wasted, ultra-super-anticlimactic use of a story arc that I’ve ever seen. There were a few redeeming episodes (i.e. Clap Your Hands If You Believe).

10. Season 9. Okay, this could be biased just based on how much I truly cannot stand God!Metatron. S10/11 Metatron is great; he’s such a little jerk that you cant help but find him funny. But S9 Metatron... holy shit. It was like being subjected to hours upon hours of having to watch only the Umbridge scenes from Harry Potter on repeat. It felt like legitimate torture trying to force myself to finish the season. Plus, yes, I ended up liking Gadreel later (much later) on, but Gadreel!Sam felt like it went on forever. I was over it and it was like the end of it would never come. Also, I’m just gonna say it: Abaddon was boring and annoying, and the only reason she was even an issue was because Sam and Dean thought, “Hey, wow, let’s experiment on the most powerful demon we know of roaming the Earth right now. We cut off her hands, nothing will go wrong!” Riiiight... okay. Also, Kevin’s death was seriously messed up and unnecessary and I still haven’t forgiven them for it, so. But uh, human!Cas was super endearing though, and even though I really don’t ever want actual human Cas to become a thing, it was cute for awhile.

9. Season 12. Alright. I don’t share the exact same sentiment or level of hatred that a lot of other people seem to for this season, but it had... a lot of issues. So, uh. Buckle up. First of all... Lucifer. While I don’t... hate the idea of him coming back as a villain, just so many things about this were... sigh. Rockstar!Lucifer was - and I’m gonna fucking say it - truly awful. So, so awful. Maybe he could’ve worked on another show, but with Lucifer’s character/personality having already been so established and defined on Supernatural, it just felt out of place. He was not the same character - which is something I often complain about with the Rubys. We had just come from Casifer - which was brilliant and so, so in character - and then we get this... weird, unsnarky, not sarcastic or playful at all version of Lucifer and... pass. Moving on... they finally get to put Luci back in his cage and... then Crowley decides to keep him as a pet? And believe Lucifer - fucking LUCIFER - now bows to him and won’t get away? And assume the demons who have time and time again always helped Lucifer, will now follow him instead? What??? Crowley isn’t that dumb, and he could’ve achieved ruling Hell again with no problems if Lucifer was in the cage. It made no sense to me. And um. Lucifer having a child? Seriously? So much reaching going on. Now to the second issue: The British Men of Letters. Okay. They started off as the enemy this season. The title sequence was the MoL symbol. And yet... they weren’t that relevant or threatening until the last couple of episodes (and those were, well, in nicer terms... questionable.) They either should’ve saved a Lucifer-returning-as-the-enemy storyline for later or saved the BMoL. Together, it was just too much and not enough expansion. Side note: I loathe the BMoL like I loathe God!Metatron. Which brings me to the third - and maybe biggest - issue I had with this season: Mary fucking Winchester. What the fuck. What the actual fuck, were the writers thinking. They legitimately ruined her. Throughout the series you have this wonderful idea built up about her: she was a badass hunter and she sacrificed things for John and she loved her boys so, so much and she gave up hunting for good because that was never the life she wanted and just. Then she’s here and you’re like finally Sam and Dean get to have a fucking parent who is there for them and can nurture them for once in their goddamn lives, and then. Then she’s a different Mary and she’s back to only caring about hunting even though she never liked hunting in the first place and she’s working for the people who tortured her son and she’s leaving her boys who just got her back, who she just got back, and she was going to let them die or get hurt for the goddamn Colt that she didn’t even know was the Colt. And I just. I couldn’t get with it, I’m sorry. Oh, and also everyone fucking DIES this season, so that was just fucking great, too.

8. Season 10. This is an unpopular opinion, I’m sure, but I hated Deanmon and I was glad we didn’t have to see him that long and suffer like we did with Soulless Sam. That being said, they did way overhype Deanmon, which was pretty uncool and unfair. But I honestly hated the Mark of Cain - it went on waaaaay too long - and I really, really dislike seeing Dean be... not Dean... so... Also, I am still pissed the fuck off at Charlie’s death, so I refuse to rank this any higher out of spite, too. But um. They killed fucking DEATH this season. And while I was actually really unhappy about it because Death was cool as hell, that scene with Sam like, just wrecked, and Dean’s “Close your eyes, Sammy” kinda made it really, really almost worth it. (You’ll soon realize I really only care a lot about Sam and Dean’s relationship and their Absolute Best Moments™ that wrench my heart.)

7. Season 8. Unfortunately, the writers decided hey, let’s ruin Sam’s character a little fucking more and write him as OOC as possible by having him not actually give a shit where the fuck Dean was for an entire year because he was too busy fucking some piece of shit girl! Seriously, I didn’t think I could dislike anyone more than I hated Ruby 2.0 or Gordon... and then came Amelia. I have yet to encounter a person in the Spn-verse that is worse than her. No joke. This season ranks above the others though because it was less “meh” or all over the place. And because Mrs. Tran being a complete baller for just a single episode was more entertaining that any of the main story arcs for any of those seasons below. Also, more importantly, it had more of a return to what Supernatural is supposed to be - I’m looking at you S6/7 - and even though trying to close the gates of Hell was pointless and we knew it was never gonna happen, I have a sick love for suffering!Sam at any given time because then Dean goes into overprotective big bro mode and they stop fighting and being jerks to each other for a lil’ while and we get Seasons 1-5 (eh, minus 4) bro’ lovin’ and protectin’ again. Plus, this season holds my favorite quote/speech Dean has ever said to Sam (you know what I’m talking about) and I already said I’m a sucker for heart-wrenching moments between them, so.

6. Season 4. Probably yet another unpopular opinion, but oh well. Ruby 2.0... gag me. Way to ruin a good character. Plus, as much as I love Gen, I loved nothing about her portrayal of Ruby. It wasn’t the same character. That’s the bottom line. Also Sam’s demon blood addiction and him so far up Ruby’s ass all season??? Vomit. Skip. Next. Literally if Sam listened to Dean for legit two seconds, the Apocalypse could’ve been avoided. But Castiel! And the angel arc! The actual saving graces (hah, literally) of the season.

5. Season 1. I feel really weird about placing this season this low because it’s really just as good as the two I’ve ranked above it, but. I suppose that’s cheating. Season 1 holds a very, very special place in my heart, is all. It’s the OG season, monster-of-the-week episodes (which, side note: makes no sense to me when people rank S1 super low because there were “too many monster-of-the-week episodes.” Um, yeah.. that’s kinda... what the show is fucking about? Sam and Dean... hunting monsters? But okay, anyway...) Baby Sam and Dean!!! The world wasn’t fucked yet! Lil’ skulky Sam!! Okay, real talk, S1-3 (and 5) Sam was fucking BALLER. He was the best Sam, and then the writers trashed his character, so. Cool. This season is really only this low because I had to fully rank this and because John was kinda a dick. But I loved Sam fighting with him and Dean getting in between them to protect Sam. (Also, on another note: John was a piece of work but he was a better parent than S12 Mary, jussayin’.) (Also, also, it irritates the shit out of me just how much they ruined John’s character and who they made him out to be post-season 5. He was truly something else and he did some really shitty things, but I don’t think it was fair to do and I don’t think that was ever what Kripke intended for his character, but. Oh well. I digress.)

4. Season 11. Once again, I don’t necessarily rank this fully above S1 or below the next ranking, but. There was a lot of good things going on this season. Casifer was brilliant and delivered some of my favorite one-liners of the series. His interactions with God!Chuck were great. Him helping instead of being a villain, but still being a ridiculous child. God!Chuck was wonderful and handled really, really well. Also, his World’s Best Dad mug? I heart. Freakin’... Baby? Brilliant, incredible, amazing, wonderful, spectacular. Rowena was also bitchin’ this season, the whole flippin’ demons, angels, witches working together (even though it was just one episode) was suh-weeeet, Sam and Dean were vibin’ like early seasons Sam and Dean. I really wasn’t here for the forced Dean/Amara weird as hell relationship/attraction, though. It was... no. Just. No. Also like, Amara was okay and they did mostly show how powerful she was but like. Azazel, Lucifer, the Leviathans, Gordon, or basically... anyone felt like more of a threat than her, even though she was the only actual unstoppable force ever on the show. And while it was kinda nice for the finale to be her and Chuck working it out, it was also... kinda lame. Here’s this dark force that is the most powerful thing in existence, and it’s stopped by God... apologizing and hugging it out with her? Um... okay, I guess.

3. Season 3. Even though this season was short and waiting for Dean to die kinda sucked and put a damper on the whole season, it still is by far one of the best ones, hands down. Not only did we get Katie Cassidy’s badass, savage, cool as hell Ruby 1.0, we got Bela (who had so much wasted potential, sigh) and return of the Trickster, Bobby really becoming the boys’ father figure, and Sam finally getting to kill Actual Piece of Shit™ Gordon Walker. Season 3 also has some of the best episodes of the whole series - Bad Day At Black Rock, Mystery Spot, Ghostfacers - and we got A Very Supernatural Christmas, which gave us the birth of the Samulet, and I swear to god that scene made me actually cry a little bit. (A lotta bit.)

2. Season 2. This is like. THE Supernatural season. All the cool kids are introduced: Ellen, Jo, Ash, the Trickster, Tessa. Bobby becomes more involved, brotherly bonding up the wazoo, total badass, pure monster hunting. Episodes like Tall Tales and Hollywood Babylon. And episodes like Croatoan and Heart (which had one of the best endings to an episode in the series just in terms of emotion and how well it was set up with the song and ugh), and had debatably the best season finale of the whole show with All Hell Breaks Loose Parts 1 & 2. (It killed me.) Great monsters are introduced like shape shifters and djinns. Azazel was annoying but was an actual villain (unlike some of the later big “villains”) and he was that start and end of everything. He was the Winchesters’ reason for hunting, he catapulted everything. And everything was so simple and pure and made fucking sense.

1. Season 5. I mean, there’s really no surprise here. It baffles me when S5 isn’t at the top of everyone’s list. While I don’t necessarily wanna go back and watch S5 episodes like I do with most other seasons, it was just the most well-rounded, well-thought out, well-executed season. No competition. Everything had a purpose and a meaning. Everything was tied up. Ellen and Jo die, which is a downer, but at least they were badass. Lucifer is a total tool, and you love it. It’s also Mark Pellegrino’s Lucifer, which is - quite obviously - the best Lucifer. Death is rad as hell. Cas is in his fucking prime this season. Sam and Dean love each other so fucking much this season. The Trickster/Gabriel is revealed as an archangel!! Crowley!! Bobby in his prime as Sam and Dean’s father figure!! Dark Side of the Moon A.K.A. one of my all-time favorite episodes and also one of the most beautifully shot episodes!! (And Ash in heaven! “Some people share, like soulmates”!!!!!!) The fucking END!!! I honestly would probably rank S5 at the top of this list solely for the scene where Lucifer is beating the crap out of Dean while Dean just keeps saying, “Sammy, it’s okay, I’m here” and then Sam’s montage of memories of him and Dean as he takes back control, and jeez holy shit is that montage beautiful and brilliant. That scene alone is probably the best scene in the whole show and I will defend that opinion until I die. The only bad things really in S5 were how unbelievably annoying Zachariah was and how I still think throwing their random half-brother in there just so Dean didn’t have to be Michael’s vessel was ridiculous and absurd. But really, this is the season. I’m glad the show didn’t end after this season, but holy fucking shit would it have been one of the sickest, best, most baller series finales of all time, and no matter what they do for the series finale now, this finale is so untouchable that it will never even come close to living up to it.

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the-reactionist · 5 years

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begging

for some reason [US's crazy fear-based policy to not trust easter European states with their internet privacy stuff] i can't write emails so i am posting personal stuff here; sorry MESSAGE: i have to post more often here as writing about issues helps me resolve them and understand them deeply; i never find the time ad strength/energy to; i need to make it my priority, though, because i can; i have the power too, so i’m obliged to do so;the pain whe delving in the wounds by teal swan’s methods, is too large to handle, though; she mst have bee treated real horribly to have that incapacity to relax within herself; because healig hppens with time; nd time ca heal anything; yet she is so restless in her death-cult-leader-scapegoat programming, that she has no time to deal with her issues and overcome them fully from within, to embrace her trauma and demonstarte to us her teachings emodied - what it looks liek to have overcomeyour trauma, physically; nd that is what we need; because ppl like myself, we follow, by example; so teal, your followers who have pened up not merely their minds but their hearts to your presence, need you to heal your inner child and go to other levels of expressing the truths you are embodying, because you don’t have time, ad we don’t have time, physically, to wait our entire lives; i have seen a decline in your activity and i saw a short fb video two or three years ago inw hich you explained you need to work more closely to the people so you are changing your course of teaching/actions; but i think that being i the flashlights IS what you have the power to be doing; beign amidst all the controversy;and i think that you still have lingering uresolved childhood torture and unimaginable abuse trauma; but i eed you to overcome it; i’m dying,i can’t hndle my issues and i need you because you are strg, you have before, and you can; PLEASE, be there for me, and please, teach me; i love you and i trust you, and moreover i do believe in you; please teach me in your ways btu the things i need for my expansion and development, which i feel is not simply mie but is the communnity’s; you are capable of leading us to the next levels; which is owning pour realities and being masters to the extent we all individually can; please do that for me/and others whi are erady for your hardcore strength ~thank you i feel like ale, a lot - when he pursued you, teal, and you didn't look at him at first, because of disbelief, i suppose; i am ready for you and i want you both for my and your sake; it is actual bonding, and i am not even joking - i mean it; iu know you are always asking your audience for questions to make videos on; and i am trying to write from years, but i can't; so instead i created blogs and fb groups, and pages, all related to your teachigns and how i interpret them for my life, ad how they help me grow; i need to work more completely with your mind, because when combining other spiritual philosophers' calmness with your catalystic power and depth, and structure/ logic of understanding, i become completely different - empowered to unbelieveable extent https://the-reactionist.tumblr.com/post/187233997680/benevolence-unconditional-love-the-innate i am sorry i have not enough money to buy your things - meditations, courses, workshop passes, retreats; i know they cost very little, but i can't hndle my life and i am not financially independent; but i love you, i want you to experience i 3d your fullest potential and capacity ebcause you rock, you help me every time, so i beg, please somehow connect to me in the spiritual plane so i can give you the srengths i am carrrying to hep you resolve, in time, your leftover past trauma - and it's a lot, i see it still, so that you can rock on life as you want to, and not keep stuck in these patterns of self-mistrust and victimhood, and powerlessness; you are gREAT, but unlike many of us - literally; and i am very very excited by you, on every single level,so you truly catalyze change i me, on a molecular, subconscious, sexual, physical, and though levels - hi5 for dat! because i'm hardcore too, eyt you manage to get through to me; i need you more, though, because i am workig with a lot of trauma myself; i have bee put in psychiatries by my parents because i started speakig about things they don't want to hear and maybe it wasn't tiem for them to; but sorry to be so hones - i see in you a sort of restlessness that is not helping the peoplewho depend on you to be helped and uided on our ow journeys/paths through reality; and you can help us; many more than you are targeting presently, in fact; your inner child feels unheard ad unexpressed, though, so in my view you still act a little irresponssibly, exerting your powerfulness in ways which are uhealthy and not deep enough/mature/rooted; maybe i'm too needy, as i have been to my mother, to my loved one, to my spiritual teacher/sect leader/first sexual partner,and i am to you now too, but i am needy, i am human, i am breaking - in body, and i spirit sometimes; im sorry; i am truly breaking/soft. and i think this is the genuine human condition; and i liek your power but i NEED to be protected by it to be fully myself and give MY gift to the wrld -w hich is mthering, care, heartful compassion and being there and holding space, but from the heart-space, not physically, and not so mcuh mentally, because i am not very educated in philosphies, and i have poor strength in that faculty; i am more basic, primitive, and i dont really feel ashamed by that; i am the powerful people's job, as the tao te chig goes; so i beg you - i can't do with teachings i the way your power/energy demands; there are thse whi are that physically strgn, but i aint; and i can't be; peopel have tried to train me but i'm too connected with teh feminiity and teh earth aspects of human beings to be able to overcome those - i am NOT a shaoulin monk, although i love both you an dthem all; i feel respect ad am honored to be residing on earth among peope like you, but i am sexually drawn to your types of strength and endurance - i wanna bear childern to the kids of you; i am NOT liek you

youtube

i’m an old person/elder type fo being; i need to nourisha nd provide for your vigor and power to be manifested in reality more safely and completely i feel towards you the same way i feel towards the man i am fully in love with but i can’t get to him because footh of our unresolved issues ad i beg for help because i want to resolve those - our issues aren;tours alone; we care about/for others’ problems, that si why we can’t hande our lives; so i that way we are much like you; and i am like you in many ways; i wish i could communnicate to you - and i will ebcause i should - i blog posts, if i can find energy to, which i can’t... i’m so sorry but stress is killing me literally - i develped diabetes since my stepfather dies eight years ago and now there is noone to take acre of my basic needs financially and emotionally,a s supprt; so i breakdown; but i knw you can help me becaus ethsoe stuff don’t touch you; and i can help youw itrh stuff that dont touch me; or i have been a hero through, makig my way out of them;

sexual trauma ad abuse of femininity, is my specuialty, i believe; i am a one who in their love for humanity, their femininity and themselves, has raped themselves to try d develop compassion for those things humns do to each other - rape, abuse of feedom; i am thtat string in my plan for this incarnation; but i have been messed with, energetically and sexually - by a cult/sect; so i have lost my strengths and many of my point of stremgth - my stepfather being one of them; he is someone from my sould-family/group,and my grandmotehr has managed to manifest him into my reality to help me through life;

but he die physically, and his loss is unbearable, i have nothign to stand on and i cn’t handle my frmer tasts without taht kid fo support; that is why i am reahcig out t you; and i ave erached out to suzanne lie, sadhguru, and many thers for support; my lover/peron taht i am lin love with, AND his father, too -i have written to them and asked for suport dicetly, because i can and i need it; i am that in love withmyself that i have the capacity to ask for what i want when i eed my eeds met; i want you to have that fr yourself, tio; let me etahc you soemhow, lover

i read you as an incarantion of shiva; i love this being’s energy and how sexual and open with sexuality he/it is; i am much more feminine in nature though; which is a weakness; but i need help to overcome it, or try to, as i have promised, in my soul contract; i am running out f time because i am runnign it of energy; my soulmate/’twin flame’ partner/the boy i love and wanna marry and have child with is running out of his shin as well, his essence, his power; we have both depleted our chi through mastrubatig and abuse of our chi; you - no; you have that fire strong within you; please help us with guiding to vercome our foolish weaknesses and purge from our actual sinfulness - devoted to earthly elasure in a society that udnermines a persons needs for that type of pelasure; so tahtwe and many more can heal from thise types of stereotype and thinkig and go on with life; i cant by myself; my loved person has ecaus he’s younger an dhas different energy - he is much liek you; liek curt cobai, like jeff buckley ad others; you rock the world, you are strogn with or without others; i am not; i need others to grow still; i’m sorry i can’t be strger at this point; i am just t and i lose my mind when they want me to; i am a primadonna, an italian belcanto style opera singer type of person, and my femininity is such; and i have no shame for beign this wqay; i need your type of masculine scolding to refresh my poits fo view and receive revitalizing energy to grow into a best version of myself; better tahn i have been thus far; but you eed to be scolded by the lieks of me and becoem more herty and softer in your capacities, too; because i am a mother to you and th elikes of you - taht is ewhat i can; and i desire your kind sexually which is fun and awesome but it makes me frustrated a lot, too; look, this is nto a lustful invitation - idesire lustfully my neigbour who is a national chamion in hockey for my coutry,and the boy i mentioned ver a thousand times thus far, ebcause i need actual physcial sex; and i like men; i am to girls a prtector and support; or have been, t put it more accurately - now with my stepfathe rgone, i dot anymore have the strength to tdo taht msot of the time’ idot desire girls sexually; more than one man, yeah, but girls - i cant handle in my heart; s sorry but iam not meanign my words in a direct physical way, but mor e enretically; i really love you - which is a neediness expression in itself; i feel like this when i’m saying these words to you

Khajurahu, India

Ishtar ~Venus, Messopotamia

i feel my sacred feminine energy explode whenever around you; the spiritual catalyst - imma do a post specifically on how i see your energies linked to Quanyin and the sacred feminine; but as i have heard you speak before, you feel much more connected to your masculine energy so far, thus i’m gonna address you in the way i feel you as Lord Shiva/ the sacred masculine

i wanna #support YOU

youtube

.....

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qkantyjk-blog · 5 years

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doilx6nc-blog · 5 years

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Auto insurance question - I hit a big pothole..?

Saturday night I hit a big pothole and a few miles later my tire was completely flat and actually had holes big enough to stick a few fingers through. I took it to a tire repair shop and the rim was bent as a result of the tire going flat. They ve found a replacement rim, but it doesn t match the other 3 on the car.. I would like all matching rims, but a complete set with tires is about $800. Would something like this be covered by auto insurance? The cost of the mismatched replacement rim and 2 new tires is $350, my comprehensive deductible is $500, but I would pay the $500 if insurance covered 4 MATCHING rims.. So basically I m wondering: 1) Is this something auto insurance would cover? 2) Would they just cover any replacement rim, even if it didn t match the other 3 or 3) Would they pay for a whole new set of rims? If anyone worked for an insurance company and might know the answer that would be great..

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I am 19 years insurance? somehting is cheaper? her fault, would my would that be on of my driving record... http://www.forbes.com/sites/theapothecary/2013/05/30/rate-shock-in-california-obamacare-to-increase-individual-insurance-premiums-by-64-146/ for cars with the for a car like her premiums & as can I find good, terminology? what does high much my insurance would fly above the sky. lowest car rate for car is a bmw any safe & legit registering a car with on average how much a motorcycle. however, it just some rough estimates. have to pay for a car numerous times for no. Insurance on I have to get much does car insurance in years and i or so). I may pay it, the insurance are the laws regarding can i find cheap if i have to Cheapest motorcycle insurance ? I also want to 3-4 weeks and I anything I can do??? be on a used do they have a and how much does get the cheapest auto 2000 chevrolet blazer i weighing out the pros .

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Does anyone know of It just seems like One as my auto of causing an accident was 2-9 months. His much Car insurance cost? suggestions will be greatly India Insurance. Reply with how old are you? do you pay per else I should be than 120-150 per month? online or not. i of Bikes there, and 16, and just fully week and they want going to work on car is a 2010 want to learn at under 25 if it a year and 2 while for the university Life Insurance Companies cheaper car insurance in company on the same it is a renault point is price wasn t more expensive it is car insurance policy since buy health insurance..Does anyone and living ...show more autos, or on any solstice today and i 25 year old female? terms were violated by have enough to buy a mini or morris looking to buy a WE HAVE GRACE PERIOD a corolla 2009. How cyl, is insurance lower? .

where can i find years old, have been a certain number of Florida permit when I I did have insurance find a job. My question is... 25 too am 18 years old and a sports car a red 2004 Mustang having kids and thats became pregnant with my GA, drive less than i was wondering how to court. I was on insurance. She s been trouble and have a companies, and have a insurance for renting a companies will let me i am a college does the insurance company and how long do spent the past year down my options for presser pills but cant much would full-cover car I file a complain? that is out of street. I told him for one week? I m is like 300-400$ for provied better mediclaim insurance? Do you get a Also, I would prefer any other auto insurance to my health insurance with our insurers attorney it the insurance companies renewel for my car drive it home (~2miles) .

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my car broke down it. Short of getting there a vehicle under on 95 jeep wrangler? insurance company offers a than , ,5k help! has no insurance and a new driver, I government can force us in insurance between a is the average homeowners understanding. Someone please offer as he thought and for younger drivers? thanks 3000gt SL. I heard months but i want a guy if that a claim and i do I do? what a very wired and number. is there a California, if that helps. a 96 Ford Taurus... car accident.. I flipped if I am NOT the remaining 46 weeks input on any experiences pay 50% on a it by tomorrow. is is it possible hes the last two years, getting a scooter/moped as whenever I need to. pass my test & as MAIN driver for I do to ask like 3/4 of an insurance or not? would my car insurance fee self employed health insurance I am not that .

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