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fyorina · 25 days

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ᡣ𐭩 ALL THINGS END

FEATURING: beast dazai osamu

SUMMARY: all of dazai's carefully calculated plans come to an abrupt halt when you run into him at a club. he thinks fate is a funny thing, that despite all of his desperate attempts to stay away from you, it still leads you right to him. one night, he decides, is all he'll allow. one night of indulgence, and then things will go back to how they were. that's how it has to be to keep you safe. {wordcount: 11.8k; fem!reader; romance & tragedy}

AUTHOR'S NOTES: wow we're starting side b—side b can be read separately from side a but you’ll get some neat references if you read both (｡♡ ‿ ♡｡). i'm so nervous actually HAHAH i put my heart and soul into side b and trying to characterize beast!dazai properly. it was really hard because the majority of the fic is from his pov and getting into his mind is a lotttt harder than canonzai imo. anyway, reblogs are always appreciated! thank you guys & i hope you guys love this as much as i enjoyed writing it

GENERAL WARNINGS: dazai struggles a lot with disassociation/derealization & losing himself in the pages of the book, it's going to be a common theme throughout the series so i'll leave the heads up now. + as always please let me know if i forgot any warnings!

SEE: UNREAL UNEARTH SERIES MASTERLIST READ: BADLANDS SIDE A

Dazai Osamu thinks that his touch might be noxious, indiscriminately rotting all he comes in contact with until only putrid remains are left of what had once been lively souls. His gaze drags across his fingers from where they’re splayed on top of the table, absently tapping out a familiar name over and over again, the only thing grounding him to the meeting taking place around him in one of the second-floor VIP rooms of the Port Mafia’s most elite nightclub. If he looks hard enough, he swears he can see that the tips of his fingers are blackened, ready to lay the curse of decay upon the next person he brushes them against.

He can feel eyes on him—the impatient glares from the foreign emissaries and the tense stares of his executives, as they wait for him to respond to the offer, laid out to him by the top brass of the Russian kingpin called Nabokov, an old ally of the Port Mafia courtesy of the previous boss. Dazai was already annoyed coming into this meeting, thinking that the Russians were presumptuous for assuming that the Port Mafia should come to their defense in the three-way territorial war going on in their motherland, but the fact that Nabokov couldn’t even bother to come speak to him himself after Dazai’s executives insisted that he be the one to personally handle this only made him even more bitter and irate. He hates having to leave the headquarters.

He takes a long drag from the cigarette hanging between his lips, lifting his free hand to pull the end from his mouth before putting it out on the table in front of him. The buzz of the nicotine isn’t enough to keep him present anymore. He keeps tapping, steady and controlled, the same bunch of letters again and again—everything around himself feels hazy and blurry. The only thing clear that he can focus on is the uniform drumming of his fingers, his voice doesn’t even sound like his own as he speaks:

“Why should I even entertain your offer when Nabokov couldn’t bring it to me himself?”

The first words that he speaks during the entire meeting are cold and harsh, as they should be in response to the disrespect shown by the Pale Flame, but Dazai just wants to be done with this and return to the base before anything can go wrong. His executives are vaguely pleased by his words, evidently taking more offense to Nabokov’s failure to show than Dazai himself does, and the three emissaries of the Pale Flame bristle, sharing looks as they try to figure out what to say in response to Dazai’s remark. Dazai doesn’t even care to hear what they have to say, lost in his thoughts as he glances up at the ceiling.

He thinks that if his touch isn’t entirely noxious, as there have been a few people who haven’t faced ruin after being exposed to it, then his presence makes up for it in its draining effect. The black hole in his chest is just as indiscriminate as the corroding touch of his fingers, emptying people of hope and exhausting them of energy. A part of Dazai mourns over the fact that those who can survive his touch are drained by the void—(chuuya. atsushi. their names weigh heavy on him, knowing that he’s dragged them so far down with him in this life)—while those who can withstand the void are inevitably killed because of their proximity to him—(you, odasaku, your names ring through his head, cruel and taunting. he pushes away the longing that rips at his chest, as he always does.)

His fate is to be alone, a cruel design drawn out by whatever sadistic gods reign above.

In every universe, it’s proven to be true. Even in this one, he can’t spare people from the effects of his existence. Atsushi, Kyouka, Chuuya—as years have passed their eyes have become dull and their souls have become as black as the blood that he forcibly injected into their veins. He considers whether or not he might just be better off dead, that way he can give those who have been the most affected by him, in this life and all of the others, a much-needed reprieve from him. But he can’t, not when he’s unsure over whether or not those who’ve been condemned by his touch will actually survive if it means he’s gone.

“... okov sends all of his reg…”

The tapping becomes a bit harsher, faster. If he was writing out the name rather than tapping it, the script would be jagged and unclear. His surroundings start to fade out again, Nabokov’s executives are speaking but the words are going in one ear, out the other. His head feels fuzzy and his free hand is starting to go numb.

Odasaku. You. He’s sure that there are plenty of others, but you two are the only ones that matter to him. He doesn’t know if killing himself would mean that the two of you could live out your lives to the fullest. You could both die anyway, for all he knows, and then he would’ve died for nothing and he can’t risk that, not when this is the only universe where he’s aware of the fate that you and Odasaku face in every other world.

He can work to protect the two of you in this world; he’ll do what must be done from the shadows to ensure that you and Odasaku can finally fulfill your dreams. A life without you, and a life without Odasaku, is a small price to pay if it means that you two can actually live out your lives. You’ve granted him enough good memories from every single other universe that the least you guys deserve is one without his presence bringing you ruin.

“... the previous b…”

Sometimes, he longs so badly for a life with the two of you that it makes him sick. A world in which Odasaku lives and Dazai can be with you, a world where he’s untouched by the shadows and the tarry substance corrupting his blood. He thinks that Odasaku would adore you if he’d ever been given the chance to meet you—you both have a similar dry humor and an intrinsic desire to help people, even those who decidedly don’t deserve it. On nights that are a bit too dark and a bit too heavy, Dazai imagines dragging you to Odasaku’s place so he can introduce you to him and he imagines how his face would flame up in embarrassment when Odasaku tells you all of the humiliating stories of Dazai’s youth that he knows the man has stocked up.

Moments like this, when everything feels a bit too far away and his mind can’t connect to the present, lost in the pages of all of the other worlds he’d seen, he swears that he can feel the ghost of your touch running across his skin as you trace patterns along his arms and brush kisses against his jaw. He thinks it’s cruel that his mind tortures him with the unattainable; taunts him with the knowledge that the only person he’s ever entirely given himself to, and was accepted by, is out there waiting for him, but the moment Dazai gives in to the aching in his chest, it’ll be ripped away from him again.

“… disorder in the motherl…”

He can’t feel his left arm, and that awful numbness is starting to spread across his chest to his right arm; with nothing left to consume, the black hole in his chest is devouring him again. Now is not the time, not when his executives are around, and especially not when outsiders are around. He taps more intensely—your name, over and over and over again, the only thing that can ever pull him out of these states. It’s the reminder that you’re out there, alive, and that even if it’s not in this world, you love him in every single other one, no matter how absurd the idea is.

“... will not be contained to…”

He needs to focus. He knows what the Pale Flame emissaries are saying even if Dazai can’t actually hear and process the full conversation—whatever is happening in Russia will spread, and it will spread to Japan, certainly, if Dostoevsky comes out on top. This conflict never occurred in the other universes and Dazai doesn’t know what exactly he did in this one that caused this change. Figuring it out and adapting needs to be his first priority because Dostoevsky’s arrival in Yokohama will put everything he’s built at risk.

It will put you at risk.

How many times have you died at his hand? Too many. Too many for him to risk this.

He was able to handle Odasaku’s fate years ago when he got ahold of that painting and convinced him to join the Armed Detective Agency. Odasaku’s fate was easy in comparison to yours, that painting and the Port Mafia have been the cause of his death, removing them from the equation will be enough to keep him safe until Dazai follows through with the final phase of his plan.

Your fate is always more arbitrary—Fyodor Dostoevsky will be the first trial he has to overcome to ensure your survival and then depending on how things play out after that, Agatha Christie will be the second trial. They’re the two leading causes of your death besides Dazai himself. Once the two of them have been taken care of, Dazai can move on to Phase Three, the beginning of the end.

The darker part of him, the one that has festered and corrupted and spread to every inch of his soul without the light you and Odasaku had brought to him in all of his other lives, wonders if he should have you kidnapped and tucked away until he can make sure that Dostoevsky is six-feet-under and unable to disrupt the world he’s built for you and Odasaku. Unlike Osasaku, you have no ability to protect yourself with if everything starts falling apart. You’ll be the most vulnerable, the most at risk.

But he knows he can’t for the same reason that he knows he’ll never be able to approach you in the same way he did Odasaku so many years before: Dazai has never had any sort of self-control when it comes to you and he doubts it’ll be any different in this universe. Even when he knows you’re better off, even when he knows that each second he spends in your life is slowly destroying you, he can never bring himself to part from you. He fears that even the slightest look of you will condemn him and all of the work he’s done, that even just the knowledge of where you are will tempt him into wandering the area in hopes of running into you.

He’s done everything he can to ensure that he never has any contact with you or any information about your life. He assigned Kouyou to look over you, being the best suited for such types of missions. She’s spent years making sure that you’re safe and nothing from the underground disturbs your studies or everyday life. The woman was naturally curious about the request, even more so when Dazai instructed her to never give him any updates on you unless it was a life-or-death situation, but she knew better than to question him.

At this point, only the hand of god and sheer chance could lead him to you, which is why he’s particularly against meetings like these where he’s forced to leave the shadows of his towers and dally into the public. Dazai doesn’t beg, and he certainly doesn’t pray, but whenever he has to leave the Port Mafia base for extended periods, he gets damn close to it because each moment in the light risks everything.

“... oevsky and Tolstoy…”

The ice spreads to the wrist of his right arm and just as Dazai thinks he’s about to be fully swallowed by the void, his gaze drifts to the window looking down on the main floor of the club and he catches sight of a figure leaning on the bar, and it’s ludicrous, really, because how does his gaze tunnel on one person in the sea of hundreds before him. But his mouth goes dry and his body stills as recognition floods through him, replacing the numbness so quickly that his body is almost palpitating in the sudden shock of it. Flames burn through his veins and the fingers that had been steadily tapping out your name jerk so abruptly that Chuuya, Kouyou, and Gin are all casting him hesitant looks.

He rises to his feet suddenly, ignoring the fact that all eyes are on him and that he’s completely disregarded whatever the Pale Flame emissaries had been explaining. He waves Gin off as the girl instinctively moves to follow him, the room is spinning and closing in on him so swiftly that he doesn’t even think he’ll be able to make it out of the room before his mind and body collapse in on themselves.

If there is a god, Dazai realizes, then he’s abandoned Dazai since the moment he was born, because standing there with glittering eyes and a smile so painstakingly familiar and foreign at the same time is you.

There’s a hazy smile on your face as you stumble out of the main room of the club, and down a side hall toward where you’re pretty sure the restrooms should be. You lean against the wall as you try to regain your bearings, inhaling the air greedily—you hadn’t realized how deprived of it you’d been in the stuffy club, where there were more bodies than pockets of air, and even those were smogged with thick, floral perfume and sweat.

You think you’re having a good night—for the most part, at least. You and your coworkers have been at the club for an hour already celebrating your acceptance into Waseda’s prestigious graduate program. You’d been pressured into inviting one of your more unsavory coworkers, having been told you would seem rude and ill-mannered if you invited everyone else except him. You think now that it really shouldn’t have mattered to you, you’re leaving the office soon to prepare for school anyway, but you suppose you’re easily peer pressured. Sometimes.

But you’re free now, momentarily, at least. One of your friends had distracted Takeda so could sneak off to the restroom to freshen up. God knows he probably would’ve tried to follow you there if he didn’t.

You push yourself off the wall with a sigh, wishing that you’d tied your hair back before coming to the club because you can feel it sticking to the back of your neck. Maybe you’ll run into a girl in the bathroom who has a spare tie for you, but you frown as you look around, noticing that the hallway is a bit too empty for it to lead to one of the club’s restrooms.

You pout when you realize that you must’ve gone down one of the halls leading to the VIP suites on the second level, but as you turn to make your way back into the main area of the club, your eyes catch a figure leaning against the wall dressed in a long black coat and sleek dark suit that probably costs more than your life savings.

He’s tall, you note absently, drawn to the man a bit more than you probably should be for no good reason, handsome, too. He hasn’t noticed you standing there, so you just observe for a moment—he has dark hair and smooth, pale skin, partially covered beneath bandages. He’s struggling to light a cigarette, frustration twisting his face; his lighter won’t light no matter how many times he tries, and you think it’s a bit funny that for all of the expensive clothes he wears, his lighter won’t work.

Finally, you take a few steps forward, moving closer to him and fishing into your purse for your own lighter before you hold it up and ask, “Need a light?”

The man freezes, gaze cutting toward you—his eye is so dark and so empty that it almost chills you, an endless abyss that threatens to consume you. You swear the black is so intense that it seems to be swallowing the dim lighting of the hallway, and you watch as something akin to recognition flashes deep within it. He hardly reacts to your presence otherwise, only his gaze shifts as it roves over you, vaguely reminiscent of a parched man in the desert setting eyes on a distant oasis, unsure if it’s just a figment of his imagination. You raise your eyebrows, feeling a bit exposed underneath his stare, and wave your lighter pointedly.

He doesn’t make a move to reach for your lighter as you hold it out to him. You can’t tell what the expression on his face is as he watches you, it’s entirely indecipherable, his lips are pulled flat but his eye is swimming with emotions that you just can’t quite place. Just as you’re about to take it as rejection and put your lighter back in your purse, he suddenly closes the distance between the two of you, leaning his head down, cigarette dangling between his lips and gaze trained on you, expectant.

Oh, you think to yourself a bit breathlessly, throat spasming as you falter under his gaze. He looks amused, watching you carefully, and you can’t help but notice that the dark pit of his eye starts to lighten as he watches you get flustered. When you struggle to light it the first time, you want to blame it on the martinis you’ve been drinking with your friends, but you know from the way your cheeks feel extra hot and your fingers shake that it’s definitely because of the man standing in front of you.

The scent of his cologne floods your senses, you can almost taste the old whiskey on his warm breath, which you can feel fanning lightly across your fingers, making goosebumps rise to your arms—you pray he doesn’t notice, but from the way his eye flickers up a bit to your arm and the corner of his lip quirks up, you think he probably does.

You thank every god that might be listening when your lighter finally lights, catching the end of his cigarette. Your breath catches as he makes eye contact with you and you think you might be able to get lost in his gaze if you’re not careful; your lips part a bit as if to say something to occupy the silence but no words leave them.

After what feels like eternity, he finally stands straight and you can breathe again, watching as he leans back against the wall next to you, head falling to the side a bit as he takes a long drag of his cigarette.

His gaze doesn’t leave you once.

“You smoke?” He finally speaks, and his voice is low, raspy, and hoarse as if he doesn’t use it much. There’s a lilt to his tone, something caught between subtle criticism and surprise, reminiscent of a disapproving old friend who’s taken aback that you’ve picked up such a bad habit.

“Sometimes, why?” you answer, a bit defensively when you catch the edge to his tone.

You don’t smoke—you carry around your brother’s old lighter as a memento, safekeeping for if he ever decides to come back to you, you’re honestly surprised the thing still works as well as it does—but you feel like you have to prove a point now because he sounds a bit judgmental about it.

He only shrugs lazily. “Don’t look like the type.”

You raise your eyebrows. “Is there ‘a type?’” you ask sarcastically.

He pointedly looks over you, gaze raking up and down your body once in a slow, borderline sensual way. You can feel your cheeks heating up again, you curse your body violently for betraying you.

“Yeah,” he drawls after a few moments. “Not you.”

You scoff loudly, looking away, and you blame the alcohol when you find yourself admitting, “… I don’t smoke.”

The man smiles thinly at the three words, a triumphant spark shooting through the brown of his eye and an expression on his face that tells you he somehow knew it without you having to say it out loud but appreciated the confirmation.

“Told you,” he says. “Don’t look the type.”

“Hmph,” is all you respond with, flipping your lighter shut and slipping it back into your purse.

You don’t leave right away; you don’t think you could even if you wanted to, you feel like a deer caught in headlights beneath his gaze, feet glued to the ground. But the problem lies in the fact that you don’t want to leave, there’s something about him that has you drawn in like a moth to flame and you don’t even know why because you don’t even know his name yet. And you probably shouldn’t be, you’ve always had a keen sense of self-preservation and there’s a dangerous edge to this man that should concern you—you can see it in the way he looks at you, the way he dresses, and the way he holds himself.

Dangerous, you think to yourself, but you’re charmed by it—you know you should probably get back to the bar where your friends are, but your feet don’t budge. He’s watching you curiously, not making any move to say anything, just observing you and you feel like you might crumble beneath his gaze. You can’t tell if he’s searching for something or if he’s just looking at you to look at you; the air between the two of you is tense but not in an awkward way. But you decide to break the silence with: “What’s your name?”

He hesitates, gaze narrowing just a bit as if he’s considering whether or not he should tell you, and you feel a bit embarrassed, tongue pressed against the roof of your mouth as you anxiously wait for his response.

“Dazai,” he finally says, and you can’t help but notice he sounds a bit breathless. “Dazai Osamu.”

The name feels so achingly familiar that it almost makes you question whether or not you’ve ever met this man before even though you’re sure that you would remember if you did. You give him your name in return and watch as his lips curve upward slightly as he repeats it out loud, making your chest feel warm and your mind a bit foggy. He says your name as if he’s spoken it dozens of times before, the intimacy of it nearly has you reeling.

It has you reeling so badly that you speak without thinking, longing to drag the conversation out.

“Would you… maybe want to have a drink with me?” The words spill from your lips before you can stop them and instantly, you want to swallow your own tongue, shifting a bit nervously on your feet. Usually, when you drink you’re more outgoing, but with this man, you feel like a teen girl fumbling over words with her school crush.

His lips part to respond but no words leave them, conflict swims in his gaze so flagrantly that it makes you a bit embarrassed, realizing he’s probably trying to figure out the best way to reject you. You notice, distantly, that some other foreign emotion flashes on his face and it’s so brief that you almost miss it, but you swear that it’s something akin to a reality slap from the way his eye widens and lips part a bit.

Heat rises to your cheeks as you wait for the inevitable rejection, he casts a look backward, in the direction of the steps that lead to the second floor’s high-end VIP rooms that only the most elite of Yokohama can afford and you realize that this man is probably a bit more important than you thought if that’s where he came from, throat a bit dry.

You start to try to make up some excuse and rush back to your coworkers with your tail between your legs but then he finally says:

“We can get a drink.”

Your eyes widen a bit, a smile splits across your face. You catch a sour look crossing his face as soon as the words escape him as if he regrets them right as they’re spoken. For a second, it’s almost as if he’s fighting an internal battle, and you wonder if he’s trying to figure out if he should take back his words. You hardly think anything of it in your tipsy state, too excited to even fully register it all.

“Yeah?” you ask so eagerly that you want to rip your own tongue out because the last thing you want is to seem desperate.

But clearly, he loses the battle, because his dark eye only softens a bit at your enthusiasm. The corner of his lip curls upward and you swear you see something else in his expression—something caught between grief and longing that makes your throat swell even with the alcohol clouding your mind.

“Yeah,” he agrees.

You hold your hand out to him; you’re not really sure why and you think you might’ve just embarrassed yourself again when his gaze cuts down to it intensely. You withdraw your hand with a sheepish smile.

“Sorry,” you say quietly. “Got ahead of myself, I guess.”

Dazai doesn’t respond for an agonizing amount of time and when you’re about to head back to the main part of the club and hope he follows you, he decides to hold his hand out to you.

“No need to apologize,” he tells you, voice a bit more hoarse now.

You reach out to take his hand, fingers brushing his bandaged wrist, where his suit jacket is riding up his arm just a bit. His pulse is erratic and rapid beneath your touch, a complete 180 from the calm, aloof expression on his face. His fingers intertwine with yours as you lead him back into the club—his grip is a bit too tight, but you don’t mind. For some reason, it feels a bit comforting.

You and Dazai make your way back down the hall in the direction of the main room of the club. As soon as he pushes open the door, he pulls his hand from yours but before you can even process the action enough to pout at the loss of contact, he’s slipping his arm around your waist to tuck you into his side to not lose you in the crowds of drunken clubgoers and you think you might feel a bit faint at the way his fingers press into your lower hip through the thin cloth of your dress.

You can’t help but notice the way people seem to part for the two of you, even with the majority of them drunk out of their minds, it’s like they catch one glance of Dazai and move out of his way. It seems instinctual, almost, as if he’s exuding an aura that no one can bring themselves to come near.

You peer up at him curiously, watching his eyelashes flutter as he looks down at you as if he can feel you looking at him. Your face is hot when he catches you looking at him so you immediately avert your gaze; you can feel him let out a puff of amusement, but he doesn’t say anything as the two of you finally reach the bar.

“A gentleman,” you tease when he pulls out the stool for you to sit. He waves the bartender down and you watch, a bit surprised, when the man instantly makes his way over to you, gaze flickering to Dazai.

It had taken you twenty minutes to wave the man down earlier to get your drink.

You also can’t help but notice that he doesn’t even ask Dazai what drink he wants, pouring him whiskey on the rocks, a luxury brand that probably costs more than your monthly rent.

You feel a bit embarrassed ordering your cheap martini after, distracting him with idle conversation.

“Do you come here a lot or something?” you ask him curiously, lifting your drink to your lips to take a sip of your drink once the bartender passes it over—it tastes better than it did before. Smoother.

“Or something,” Dazai agrees cryptically, the corners of his lips tilting upward as he looks over you. “Why?”

“So mysterious,” you say playfully, before shrugging. “I’m just curious, he seemed to know you… maybe I’m also trying to figure out if I’d be able to run into you again here.”

You watch him hesitantly, wondering if it was a bit weird to add that, cursing your lips once again for moving before your brain can process. But Dazai doesn’t look weirded out by your comment—he looks a bit surprised, yes, but in a pleased way rather than a disturbed way.

“Already trying to plot out meeting me again?” he drawls, watching you from the corner of his eye with an indecipherable look that doesn’t match the curl of his lips. “What if you decide you don’t like me? If I end up being dangerous?”

“Oh, you’re definitely dangerous, Dazai Osamu,” you say firmly with a laugh, eyes glimmering. “I could tell that from the moment I saw you. I’m not that drunk.”

His eyebrow raises a bit as he tilts his head to the side. “And yet you invited me for a drink anyway,” he notes, his index finger on his free hand thrumming steadily on the bartop.

“Maybe I like danger,” you say, leaning in a bit closer just to test the waters.

Dazai doesn’t pull away, your heart races in your chest as his gaze traces your face, so close that you can feel the warmth of his breath fanning across your lips. You think you might’ve been wrong before when you compared the color of his eye to an abyss—now, beneath the lighting of the club, you think they’re far more reminiscent of a starry night, just as endless as the abyss, but not quite as dark and hopeless with the celestial bodies glittering within them.

“Maybe you should be more careful,” he murmurs, and there’s an odd shift in his voice—a warning, as if he knows something that you don’t.

“Maybe,” you agree idly, “or maybe I enjoy living life on the edge. It’s short enough as it is, isn’t it? I’d prefer to live it to the fullest than die having barely lived at all.”

“Living life to the fullest involves inviting shady men to drink with you and scheming out a second meeting without even having decided if you like them?” Dazai questions, voice low and amused.

“Shady?” you grin. “Well, I guess you said it, not me. Anyway, I’ve decided that I already like you, Dazai Osamu, so, of course, I’m going to scheme out a second meeting—hopefully, one where I’m not quite as drunk so I can actually charm you, I’m very charming when I’m sober, I’ve been told. I don’t fumble over my words quite as much, or lighters, for that matter.”

You’ve literally never been told once in your life that you’re charming when you’re sober, so you don’t know where that came from, but you decide to roll with it and hope for the best.

“I’ll have you know that I’m quite charmed already,” Dazai says, lips tilting up into a smile that seems a bit more genuine, reflecting in the way his eye curves up too. “If you get any more charming, I might just be in danger.”

“Well, do you like danger then?” you ask, resting your elbow on the bar so you can prop your chin on your hand, looking up at Dazai through your lashes. “We’ve already established that I enjoy it, are you going to join me on the edge, Dazai?”

For some reason, for a split second, it seems as if you’ve asked Dazai the most difficult question in the world—the space between his brows creases and the easy smile on his lips flattens, the starry sky painted in his eye dulls back into the terrible abyss. Your lips part to say something, because even with the fuzziness of your drink clouding your head, you know you made a mistake somewhere.

“I usually stay far from the edge,” he admits quietly, “... too much at risk for that.”

“... Usually?” you press, latching onto the word quickly as you toss him another teasing smile, trying to lighten the mood. “Am I enough to tempt you closer to it, then?”

“You have no idea,” he breathes out so quietly that you think you’re not meant to overhear it. As if he realizes he might’ve said it a bit too loud, he tilts his head to the side and gives you half of a smile as he asks, “What makes you so sure you like me already, anyway?”

You match his smile, making a show of humming, dramatically thinking long and hard about it. Then you shrug, smile widening, “Don’t know. Maybe I just decided. Or maybe, I’d like to think it’s fate.”

Andddd you’ve made a mistake again. You falter when you see how his expression closes off instantly and you wish you could bite your own tongue off because, of course, it’s just your luck to have misspoken twice in a span of two minutes. This is why you don’t socialize with people.

“I don’t believe in fate,” he finally says, voice a bit tighter than it was before.

“Why?” you ask curiously, brows furrowing a bit.

He hesitates, gaze lingering on you for a moment before he turns his gaze away, lifting it to the ceiling instead. All he says is: “I don’t like the idea of my life being predestined by some higher power—if there’s a fate, then I’ll exhaust everything I have trying to defy it.”

“Okay,” you agree, still not entirely understanding why he’s so against the idea of fate—you think it’s rather romantic but to each their own. Either way, you raise your glass to him, waiting for him to click his against yours. “To defying fate then.”

His throat bobs as he swallows at your words, an odd look in his eye as he repeats quietly, “To defying fate.”

Dazai is in trouble.

He thought he could indulge himself just for one night. If it’s his fate to meet you, then let it happen only once so he can be done with it—one night, and then everything will return to how it should be. He’ll fall back into the shadows and you’ll live your life in the light, a long and fulfilling life where he isn’t putting you in danger just by being around you. But he’s realizing, very quickly, that he severely overestimated his self-control, which is a feat in itself, really, because Dazai knew that his self-control would be abysmal when it comes to you but he still somehow managed to critically misjudge just how abysmal it would be.

He thinks he probably looks like a fool—you’re rambling about your work and the graduate school program you’d just been accepted into, you’re switching between topics so quickly that Dazai can hardly keep up, but he doesn’t care, he’s content just hearing your voice, slurred and excitable as it may be.

It’s different hearing it in person than it is in all of the vague memories of the other worlds—you’re different. You’re brighter. More alive. A shining star in a sea of midnight. The warmth of the sun giving life to a rotting corpse. For the first time in twenty-two years, Dazai Osamu feels like he’s finally breathing. The misty memories didn’t do you justice in any regard, and he’s not sure how he’s supposed to return to the shadows alone after having felt the brief glow of your light, warm and comforting against his skin, because Dazai already can’t seem to get enough of it. He thinks you must be like a drug or something because there’s no other explanation for the way he’s so utterly entranced by the sight and sound of you.

A part of him wonders if all of the other Dazais have met this same fate at your hands: bewitched and spellbound, unable to draw their eyes away from you, hardly even able to remember to breathe in your presence. He thinks that they must have—he can see flashes of their lives and feel echoes of their emotions, and it’s always most intense whenever it involves you.

It’s a struggle just to remind himself to play the part of the ordinary man with you around so as to not scare you off, pretending he's like any other human being and not a monster wearing the skin of a man, like you haven’t been the object of his obsessions since the moment he came in contact with the Book. He tries to keep himself pliant and inviting with a loose posture and warm gaze, free of the intensity curdling through his body. He keeps his smile small and gentle, hiding the sharp and bloodied teeth decorating his mouth, and he keeps his touches brief, hardly ghosting your skin in fear that you’ll start rotting beneath it. He doesn’t know if he succeeds. He honestly doesn’t even know if you notice, you’re way more intoxicated than you originally made yourself out to be; he can tell from the way your ever-present smile is lopsided and the way your eyes are a bit glazed over, if it wasn’t abundantly apparent by the slur to your words.

“... and then, Hinata kept talking even though everyone else was… Dazai Osamu, are you even listening to me?”

He hums quietly as you abruptly turn your gaze back onto him and for a moment, Dazai is breathless—his name rolls off your tongue with the familiarity of a pair of lovers who’ve been together for years, and he swears that your eyes glitter beneath the lighting of the club as you look at him, and he doesn’t think anyone in his life has ever looked at him the way you do in this moment. Dazai Osamu has always been a name that no one would rather hear, attached to a man that no one would rather see. He’s not used to being talked to like this. He’s not used to being looked at like this.

He wants to be used to it.

He so, so desperately wants to be used to it.

You lean in when he doesn’t respond to you, a bit too close because he can smell the faded scent of your perfume and the gin on your tongue when he takes in a sharp breath to respond—it goes straight to Dazai’s head, his words dying before they can even formulate in his mouth. Everything feels fuzzy and light and Dazai thinks he might actually pass out. You’re such a far cry from the numb void that he’s used to, overwhelming his senses with the sight and touch and scent and sound of you, overwhelming his mind with emotions that he doesn’t know how to cope with and he just can’t get a handle on himself no matter how hard he tries. Every time he thinks he does, you throw another curveball at him like leaning in so close that Dazai swears if you were any closer, his lips would be brushing yours.

He’s never yearned like this before, not when he found himself in Odasaku’s house years ago as he tried to get ahold of that wretched painting and not during the long, dark nights when he found himself gasping awake, torn from dreams of lives he’ll never experience, the ghost of your lips still smiling against his skin. He can feel it deep in his chest, clogging his lungs and throat. He feels like he’s fighting the strings of a marionette as his fingers twitch at his side, begging him to reach out and feel the skin of your cheek beneath the palm of his hand, cup the side of your face just to see if you’d lean into his touch, craving it the same way he craves yours.

He yearns and Dazai Osamu doesn’t know if he has the strength to deny himself of you now that he’s finally gotten a taste of what he could have. He tries to remind himself of what’s at stake, he tries to conjure the images that have plagued his nightmares so many times before—the sight of you crumpled in his arms, cold and still, and the sound of your cries for help, jarring and agonizing to his ears. But all he can muster is the sight of the wide and genuine smile that only you have ever directed toward him in all of his other lives and the sound of your bright laughter ringing in his ears, two things that he’s been deprived of entirely in this life until now.

“... if the phone call is that important, you can take it, y’know? You don’t have to sit here pretending to listen to me when you’re focused on that.”

Dazai is hardly able to drag himself back to the conversation at hand, your words processing slowly, as if his thoughts are being dragged through thick tar, but he forces himself to focus because even in your drunken state you sound a bit irritated.

He glances down at the bartop, where he had placed his phone down after taking a seat next to you, watching as it vibrates against the hardwood and as Chuuya’s name flashes across the screen. A few seconds pass, and his phone goes still and the missed call notification pops up on his screen—evidently along with nine others.

Dazai winces. He wishes the phone call had been what was distracting him—unfortunately, it’s impossible to tell you that he’s spiraling because of you without sounding psychotic.

As soon as the call ends, his phone is buzzing again, Chuuya's name flashing across the screen once more, persistent as ever. Dazai’s gaze cuts backward to where the two of you had come from, up to the windows on the second floor that look down on the main floor, and then he glances back down at his phone.

“I’ll only be a moment,” Dazai tells you quietly, reaching for his phone.

You toss him an easy smile that nearly has him faltering, whatever irritation you may have felt is gone in an instant.

“I’ll be waiting,” you tease, and Dazai’s heart is in his throat as he hesitates for just a second too long, as familiar words echo through his head, memories that aren’t his own from a life that he’d never be able to experience.

“I’ll wait for you.”

He lingers too long evidently because you shoo him away, spinning on the bar stool to face the bartender as you try to flag him down for another drink that you probably should not be having, seeing how you’re swaying a bit on the stool. Dazai only shakes his head as he makes his way away from the bar closer to the edges of the club, where it’s a bit quieter, if only marginally.

As soon as he leaves your presence, the familiar cold numbness returns, spreading like ice through his chest and he’s desperate to be back in your vicinity already, missing the warmth. Oh, this is trouble, he laments to himself, trying to push away the longing feeling spreading through him and instead turns his attention to purposely waiting until the last ring to answer Chuuya’s call, if only to be a bit spiteful because the other man’s persistence is the reason he had to leave you.

Lifting his phone to his ear, he asks coolly, “Do you need something, Chuuya?”

“Where the hell did you go?” Chuuya immediately hisses back, fury dripping from his words. He’s speaking quietly and Dazai can’t hear any conversation in the background, so he can only assume that Chuuya had stepped out of the room where the rest of the Port Mafia and Pale Flame executives were having their meeting. “You’ve been gone for forty minutes, Kouyou and I have been handling the meeting. Do you even have anyone with you right now? Hirotsu? Tachihara? Atsushi?”

“I’m sure you and Ane-san have been conducting the meeting perfectly fine without me,” Dazai says dismissively, leaning against the wall as his gaze cuts through the crowds to the bar he’d left you at but he can’t catch sight of you through the masses of people. He frowns, pacing a bit down the room to try to get a better angle.

“Bastard,” Chuuya spits out with a venomous type of disrespect that he only attacks Dazai with when he’s exceptionally frustrated. “Answer my question. Where the hell are you? Do you have a protection detail on you? What are you doing?”

“I’m in the club still,” Dazai says distantly, and he’s sure Chuuya can tell that he’s barely paying attention to the conversation because the man lets out a noise caught between a snarl and a growl, much like the dog he is. “I’ll be fine, we have men stationed all over—you’re always so uptight, Chuuya, you should pull out the stick every once in a while.”

“You-” Chuuya says loudly and sharply, cutting himself off abruptly, evidently having realized he’s let himself get too loud. Dazai is hardly listening at this point, getting increasingly more agitated as the masses of crowds block his line of sight to where you should be sitting. “I’m coming down there.”

That catches Dazai’s attention.

“Do not.” The two words leave his lips, a command so cold and cutting that he can practically hear Chuuya jolt in surprise at the sudden shift from the absent tone he’d been speaking with before. He forces his voice to take upon a more teasing lilt as he says, “I met a girl, Chuuya. If you come down here, your ugly mug will scare her right off.”

“What?” Chuuya sounds so baffled it’s almost comical. Dazai might’ve found amusement in it were he not so irritated with his current predicament. “I-you-what?”

“You sound so shocked, Chuuya. Some of us talk to more women than just Ane-san and Gin-chan, you know?” Dazai drawls, noticing that there’s a gap in the crowds up ahead that should give him a direct view toward the bar, beelining toward it immediately.

“Shut up,” Chuuya seethes. “Who the hell would even give you the time of day? And since when do you seek out women? You’ve never shown any interest before.”

“Are you jealous?” Dazai croons. “It’s an ugly look on you, Chuuya.”

Chuuya splutters. “The fuck is wrong with you tonight?” he demands. “You’ve been acting like a damn freak ever since we left the base. Mood swings left and right.”

“You know I don’t like…” Dazai trails off as he finally gets a direct view of the bar, dark eye focusing in on where you seem to be arguing with an unfamiliar man. The smile that had been curling to the corners of his lips falls flat and his gaze goes cold—ice spreads through his chest again but this time it isn’t a result of the numbness, rather it’s a much more dangerous emotion that threatens to erupt. “I have to go.”

“Bastard, if you hang up on me-”

Dazai doesn’t wait for him to finish the sentence, hanging up the call and slipping his phone into his pocket, ignoring it when it immediately starts buzzing again. He doesn’t waste a second before he makes his way back across the club to the bar.

If people had avoided him before, it was nothing compared to now, watching them scramble out of his way even in their drugged-up and intoxicated states. He doubts that most of them even know the significance of who he is, they can just feel the cold fury rolling off of him in waves. It’s a bit impressive, honestly, how quickly he’s able to get back to you, and his hand darts out quickly, fingers wrapping tightly around the wrist of the man who was grabbing your forearm, if his grip was any tighter, the man’s bones would be cracking beneath his touch.

The reaction is instantaneous. Your gaze draws up to him, relief flooding your eyes at the sight of him—distantly, Dazai notes that he thinks that this might be the first time in his life anyone has ever been relieved to see him, but he’s more preoccupied with the man who was bothering you, who’s now turning toward him with an irritated expression.

“Look, man.” Dazai’s hidden eye twitches at the casual address, but he makes sure that the annoyance doesn’t show on his face. “Just trying to get her home, the rest of our coworkers left already.”

Dazai’s vice-like grip doesn’t budge, but his mind races. This is his out. If he lets you go home with your coworker, then he can go back up to the meeting taking place on the second floor and he can try to scorch his mind of the yearning that’s been plaguing him so intensely. Things can go back to normal—his one night of indulgence over, no matter how agonizing the thought of that is. He can return to the Port Mafia base, back in the shadows, and he can use the memory of this night with you to fuel his dedication to his grand plan of protecting this world. It’s a perfect setup, honestly, if he disregards two critical issues: 1) he’s probably incapable of scorching his mind of the yearning you’ve brought on and 2) more importantly, you’re staring at him with an expression nothing short of pleading, seemingly begging him not to leave.

The words escape his lips before he can think to stop them: “Don’t worry about it. I’ll take her home.”

The faux-concern that the man had been directing toward you disappears as soon as Dazai speaks, shifting into an expression that probably would have been concerning to anyone who wasn’t a literal mafioso, and Dazai is not just a mafioso, he is their boss and he has dealt with people who were objectively much more powerful and concerning than a regular civilian who thinks he’s tougher than he is. So Dazai only tilts his head to the side a bit, the corner of his lip curves up in amusement as he pointedly looks over the man once. The cool metal of the gun hidden in his jacket weighs heavily as a reminder that it’s there and ready for him to use; his fingers twitch toward it, but instead, he pockets his hands, deciding against it, if only because he thinks pulling out a gun might scare you away. He doesn’t want that.

“Who the hell are you?” the man asks furiously—Dazai wonders, a bit absently, if this is that Takeda fellow you were complaining about earlier, he certainly fits the picture with the beady eyes and weaselly face.

“An old friend,” Dazai drawls—not entirely a lie, just in a different life, and definitely more than friends, but he doesn’t need to know that. “We’ve been catching up. You can go.”

It’s not a request, and evidently, the man isn’t stupid enough to keep pressing Dazai because his confidence falters as he takes a step back, letting go of your arm. Or more probably, he caught a glimpse of the glint of metal hidden by his coat when Dazai shifted to look at you. Either way, Dazai doesn’t care because the man stutters out a few words and a ‘see you Monday’ to you before turning tail and leaving.

Dazai doesn’t bother correcting him—he definitely will not be seeing you on Monday. He ensures that through the silent order in the sharp look, he gives Tachihara Michizo, who’s been lingering on the outskirts of the club for five minutes now, no doubt trying to keep an eye on him under Chuuya’s command. Tachihara doesn’t hesitate as he nods his head, gaze following the retreating figure of the man before he slinks right after him.

He thinks you have bad friends. Coworkers. Whatever. All of them leaving you drunk and alone with someone who’s a stranger in their eyes. Yes, he scared the only one that tried away, but if it was Dazai in his position, not even god himself would be able to scare him away from making sure you get home safely.

They don’t deserve you, he decides firmly, and those dark thoughts from earlier return, whispering that he should just take you for himself, tuck you away in the tallest towers of the Port Mafia base. He’d keep you safe. He’d make you happy. You’d never have to want for anything ever again, he’d give you the entire world if you so pleased. He shuts off the train of thought before it can become any more tempting, knowing that his thread of self-control concerning you is waning at best.

Dazai promptly turns his attention back to you and all of the irritation that he might’ve been feeling about your coworkers and that man washes away when he catches the dazzled look on your face as you look up at him, elbow propped on the bartop and chin resting in your hand.

“Thanks,” you say so softly that Dazai barely hears you over the thundering music and clamoring people around the two of you. “That was Takeda… I don’t know, maybe he didn’t mean any harm but… I just don’t want him to know where I live, I guess.”

You look sleepy now, eyes a bit heavy and shoulders slumped; the alcohol must’ve worked its way through you already. Dazai also can’t help but notice that the front of your dress is drenched with what looks like the rest of your drink; it must have spilled in the brief struggle between you and your coworker.

“You’d rather a stranger know, then?” Dazai can’t help but ask, making sure to keep his voice teasing, watching you carefully for a response.

He’s curious to know if you feel even half as drawn to him as he is to you, to know if this really is a mutual bond that transcends worlds or if it’s a sick obsession on his part triggered by the revelations of the Book. Or it could be both. It’s probably both. Dazai is pretty sure what he feels for you isn’t normal or healthy, and he’s not sure if it’s any healthier in any of the other universes or if every other Dazai is just as twisted when it comes to love as he is.

“You don’t feel like a stranger,” you admit quietly, looking up at him through your lashes and Dazai’s heart leaps into his throat, clogging his airways and threatening to suffocate him. “Is that weird?”

“No,” Dazai breathes out instantly, the confirmation that your words give him lights a dangerous fire in his chest, one that he needs to put out but can’t bring himself to. “I feel the same.”

Your expression softens, eyes tracing his face, and Dazai thinks he would set the entire world on fire just for you to look at him like that again. Then, he realizes, throat a bit tighter now, that the words are not quite the empty promise that they would be coming from anyone else’s lips—he might just be setting everything he’s built on fire just for you, and your warmth is not enough to push away the cold awareness that suddenly spreads through his body, putting out all of the fires that his time with you has set within him.

He reaches out, knuckles grazing your cheek. Your lashes flutter as you lean into his touch and instantly, he’s set aflame again, it’s raging through his chest and melting the ice and Dazai thinks he doesn’t care if this is a bond that transcends worlds or a sick obsession. He thinks it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that he needs you so desperately that it might kill him if he doesn’t have you.

It might kill you if he does have you.

Fire and ice wage a brutal war within him, a futile battle because no matter how much the ice tries to spread, the flames melt it away, and he realizes that he can’t be around you when the war is inevitably won because he’ll never be able to drag himself away from you.

One night, he reminds himself, sharp and scolding, one night of indulgence. That’s all.

“Come on,” Dazai murmurs. “Let’s get you home.”

Dazai wonders how a place he’s never been to can feel so much like home.

Or, well, he assumes this is what a home would feel like, it’s not like he’s ever actually had one to compare to. The penthouse suite of the Port Mafia base is closer to a prison than something he can consider a home. He doesn’t remember enough of his childhood to know if he lived somewhere back then that he considered a home. The shipping container he lived in during his teenage years is probably the closest thing he has to compare to and even then, he never felt safe or warm or comforted there, he just had the distant reassurance that no one would ever bother him while he was there and that was more than he had anywhere else.

And this is…

He doesn’t really know how to describe it, the words just won’t come to him—a rare occurrence, considering Dazai’s always been known to have a tongue of the purest silver, acquiring the most lucrative deals for the Port Mafia despite egregious odds and hostile parties solely because he’s learned to read and charm people to the best of his ability. His brain and his tongue have been the driving force behind the Mafia’s rapid and exponential expansion across Japan and into the mainland, yet both fail him now.

Courtesy of you and your influence, naturally.

The curve to his lips is fond as he trails his fingers across the back of the couch in your living room. It’s all so achingly familiar, as if he’s been here a thousand times before—if he lets his eye flutter shut, he can almost picture you cross-legged on the couch with a mug of hot chocolate tucked neatly between your hands, dozing off as he regales you with nonsensical stories.

Everything is just how he remembers it from the vague memories. Your desk is set up near the window on the far side of your room, next to the bench where he would sit and watch you while you study, pouting until you finally decided to give him attention. Papers are strewn all across your coffee table; he flips through them idly, realizing that they’re all study materials for the entrance exam to the graduate school you’d just been accepted into—he makes sure to leave them in the same order that you’d left them in, recalling how often you’d end up yelling at him for messing up your piles. A picture hangs on your wall near the door of you and your brother—familiar, why is he so familiar? His gaze lingers for a moment, brows furrowing before he shakes his head, putting the thought in the back of his head as he wonders if he ended up passing in this universe too.

He wanders over to the kitchen and his eyes narrow just a smidge, noticing that there are two dirty mugs in your sink, the ones you’d always use to make those fancy hot chocolates of yours. He hums to himself softly as he traces his finger along the rim of one, recognizing the same shade of lipstick you wore tonight staining the brim. The other mug has no such stain. His throat tightens a bit, gaze flickering up to the cabinet he recalls you usually putting your ingredients and when he opens the cabinet, he thinks he might feel a bit sick, seeing them all up on a shelf too high for you to reach on your own—you always put them on the lower shelves.

His jaw tightens as he pointedly puts them all back down on the lower shelf before shutting the cabinet, a bit more tense now than he was a few moments before. His gaze cuts across your apartment, searching for any sign of who you might’ve been having over—someone important enough for you to make your favorite hot chocolate for—but he finds none until his eyes land on a jacket crumpled in the corner of the room that’s definitely not yours, hidden halfway beneath one of the pillows on his window bench. He has to remind himself that it’s not his and he’s never been here before now so he has no claim over anything.

He makes his way over to it, yanking it out and lifting it to his nose. It doesn’t smell like you, it’s an unfamiliar woody scent that makes his stomach churn for more than one reason—the most primary one being that he doesn’t know whose it is and why they’re leaving clothes at your apartment. It’s a man’s, certainly, he can tell that much from the scent and the size and Dazai thinks he might feel a bit light-headed at the idea of you having other men over your apartment. His only solace comes in the fact that there doesn’t appear to be any other signs of his presence, but it’s a small solace at best.

He has to leave. The longer he lingers in your apartment, the more he’s struggling to decipher the already blurred line between the lives he remembers and his unfortunate reality.

One night of indulgence, he reminds himself for the nth time because the night is over. You’d passed out long before even arriving at your apartment, after you gave the address luckily because for better or for worse, that had been one of the few things Dazai hadn’t retained from the vague memories he has of the other universes.

He trails back over to the door that leads to your bedroom, a heavy feeling settling over his chest as he leans against the frame. His gaze draws to where you’re fast asleep beneath the covers, still dressed in the outfit you’d worn to the club because although all of the other Dazais would have changed you into something more comfortable when you’re too drunk to do it yourself, he does not retain that privilege in this world. The last thing he wants is for you to think he’s some perverted creep.

Dazai sighs, eyes sliding shut as he lets himself bask in the moment for just a little longer, dreading having to return to the harsh reality of a life without you, fated to be alone until he’s sure that he’s secured the safety of this world when he can take the final step in guaranteeing that you and Odasaku will be able to live out your lives peacefully. Without him.

He wants to touch you one last time, brush his fingers against your cheek, enjoy the way your warmth spreads through him, but he thinks he’s tested his self-control too much for one day. He fears that if he pushes it anymore, he’ll never be able to go back to how it was, so it’s with a heart that pleads for him to reconsider and a body that resists his every move that he turns away from your bedroom, making his way over to your kitchen counter to grab the key that he fished out of your purse.

It takes all of his restraint to not look back, jaw clenched so tight that he thinks his teeth might grind down to dust. He steps outside and the fresh air feels like poison to his lungs, he wants to step back inside, drown himself in the familiar scent of you, the familiar scent of the only home he’s ever known in any lifetime, the one he has to deny himself of for the sake of preserving this world, for the sake of saving Odasaku and saving you.

His fingers tremble a bit as he slides the key into the lock and turns it, checking twice to make sure it locks properly so no one can sneak in while you’re sleeping, before kneeling down to slide the key beneath the crack of the door back into your apartment.

As soon as the key is out of his reach, Dazai feels cold and empty; the black hole within him expands now that he’s vulnerable again without your presence fighting it off, and the force of it is ten times as lethal now that he’s experienced what life might be without it constantly consuming him. He stares at your door for a second after rising to his feet, his mind and heart and body all at war with each other. The parts of him that haven’t festered and withered over the years beg him to just go back to you, tell you everything, and crumble in your arms and pray that you don’t think he’s delusional and call the police on him; the parts of him that have been corrupted by the time he’s spent in the darkest parts of the world whisper more dangerous words, telling him to go back in and take you back with him, it doesn’t matter what you want if it means he can keep you safe, and he knows that one day you’ll understand why he did it, you’ll even be happy because you’re meant to be happy with him, no matter how it comes about.

And he thinks he’s a fool because the only fortunate thing about his circumstances had been that no matter how vividly he remembered you and your apartment, the Book had not passed on the knowledge of its location, so he’d never been tempted to “accidentally” seek you out by wandering in locations that you frequent because he had no idea where you were. Yokohama isn’t a small city and he was never going to cross the line of purposely seeking you out through the use of Port Mafia resources because that meant he was purposely putting you in danger.

But now, he’ll have the knowledge of your location dangling in front of his face for the rest of his life, however long it may be. Every day will be a struggle to resist the urge to seek you out, as if everything isn’t hard enough for him already.

Frustration builds in his chest as he makes his way down to the parking lot of the apartment complex. Realistically, Dazai had plenty of options that would have objectively been better than this. He could have sent you with his driver alone, but the thought leaves a sour taste in his mouth. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Albatross, the Flags remain among the most loyal members of the Port Mafia, but Dazai doesn’t think anyone is worthy enough to lay their hands on you. He thinks that if Albatross had reported back to him that he had to carry you into your apartment and put you in your bed, he might’ve put a bullet through his skull and then he’d have to deal with mutiny and he can’t afford a mutiny when things are already so tenuous, stability in the Port Mafia has to be paramount until he can get through all five phases of his plan.

But even if he didn’t send you with Albatross, he could have had Kouyou handle this. Kouyou already knows of you, she’s the one that he assigned to make sure you’re never threatened by Yokohama’s underground, and she knew where your apartment was already. It still leaves a sour taste in his mouth but not as strong as the thought of sending you with Albatross. He could’ve had Kouyou take care of this and he could’ve been free of the temptation already looming over him but-

But Dazai is selfish. Dazai is selfish and reckless when it comes to you; even when he knows what’s at stake, even when he knows the destruction that he brings. Fate, the word rings through his head, mocking him. Fate, fate, fate. It’s his fate to always be drawn to you, like a bee to honey and a moth to flame, irresistible and inexorable. He can’t avoid it and he can’t control himself no matter how hard he tries. You’re tied together by threads that the gods shorten with every passing second and they laugh down at him as they watch him trying to resist it.

It’s his fate to be drawn to you.

It’s his fate to be your destruction.

Dazai slips back into the backseat of Albatross’s sleek black car, shutting the door just a bit too harshly, gaze immediately drifting back toward the apartment complex, up to the closed door on the second level where he’d left you. He waits for the car to pull away, but it doesn’t. Irritated, he turns his gaze to the rearview mirror in the front of the car, catching Albatross staring at him curiously, dark glasses hanging on the bridge of his nose.

“What?” Dazai asks, voice low and icy.

Albatross is unperturbed—of all of the members of the Port Mafia, only he and Chuuya never flinch at his unapproachability. “Ya gotta girl now, boss?” he asks curiously, tilting his head to the side as he waits for Dazai’s response.

“No.”

“Hm.” Albatross only hums as if he’s disappointed by the answer. “You seemed happier, s’all. Never seen you like that before. Was nice.”

Dazai’s jaw tightens again at the man’s words, biting words threatening to escape his lips but he swallows them. Instead, he becomes acutely aware of the jacket that he’s still holding in his left hand. His expression twists and then he tosses it into the front seat at Albatross, who blinks and catches it, looking down confused.

“Whadya want me to do with this?” he asks, baffled.

“Burn it.” Is all Dazai responds with. “Take me back to the base.”

“... You got it, boss,” Albatross murmurs, and he still sounds disappointed, but an order is an order so he doesn’t hesitate as he starts the car back up and pulls out of the complex’s parking lot.

Dazai’s gaze doesn’t leave your apartment door once until Albatross finally turns down a street out of sight of the building.

One night of indulgence, he reminds himself for the last time. One night of indulgence and then he’ll never encounter you again. For better or for worse, that’s how it has to be.

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patheticbatman · 3 months

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I haven't seen any posts about this yet but l've seen some fan art that makes me feel this needs to be said:

Don't forget Leah Sava Jeffries has darker skin when making Annabeth Chase fan art!

She is much closer to Lupita Nyong'o than Zoe Kravitz when it comes to shading, reflection, and complementary color usage :).

Lighting for dark skin is different on light skin. Light skin gets changed by lighting, and dark skin reflects the lighting. Below is a lovely shot of Nyong'o's character from Wakanda Forever in mourning. The filmmakers emphasize the umber qualities of her skin in contrast to the funereal white and (arguably harsh) light across her shoulder below.

Try to pick spots that aren't directly in or near the light, and try mixing 3 or more! You can put it into a color mixer online, or even color pick, lower the opacity, and lay the shades over each other until you find one that fits. And of course, the more 'realistic' you want to go with shading and lighting, the more shades you're going to want to be able to explore vivaciously :D.

Let's take a look at the same 3 beautiful actresses I mentioned at the beginning, with a bad color picked area and a better-ish color picked area. (Please keep in mind, these are not perfect comparisons, as I was not able to find pictures of all 3 actresses under the same kind of lighting.)

Kravitz's has a clear difference between the two, but they aren't too far apart, in comparison to Nyong’o’s and Jeffries’s. Note the dullness in the poorly picked shades as opposed to the better ones. Also keep in mind that while Kravitz has a rosy undertone (at least in that picture - it’s from The Batman, which has stylized coloring) Nyong’o has a slight cool undertone (I can’t pin down quite what, but the picture is definitely not stylized like Kravitz’s).

Jeffries runs more ochre or russet, but neither of those are pink. They are more red than terracotta or umber, but to call Jeffries’s face rosy would be wrong. Err more towards the golden when drawing her.

^^saved an image from a writing tutorial long ago, but can’t seem to find it. If someone recognizes it, I’ll link it. EDIT: it’s from this post. Thanks @autumnrowancollector ! <3

And also, the darker skin gets, the less likely warm undertones are going to appear. Don't be afraid to use blue or purple or even green on occasion!

Additionally, cool lighting on dark skin is always a win imo.

(I was going to use that picture of Jeffries as Annabeth by the lightning bolt, but then I realized the lighting on her face doesn’t quite match up with where it should hit from that angle, and I realized they kind of just turned everything bluer, so screenshot time!)

(Also if you want another really great live action example, check out anything Aldis Hodge is in, like Leverage and Black Adam)(and of course there’s Spiderverse <3 but I want to post pictures of Hodge)

Now, to here’s a list of more experienced people’s advice:

Black facial features & hair

Shading digitally for a (somewhat) monotone Black character

Stylistic choices and places to start looking for inspiration (besides a search engine).

Coloring Black people’s lips

A better coloration tutorial

Also a nice tutorial for Indigenous skin tones, just in case yall want to draw Piper or use this information for other dark skinned characters :).

EDIT: Some actresses who are closer in skintone to use for Annabeth, provided by the lovely @blackfemmecharacterdependency ! If you can’t find a reference for Jeffries in a specific lighting, maybe check out these ladies’ pictures! It’s a reblog, so scroll down.

TLDR: Don’t make Annabeth pink and pale, make her dark and golden.

#Annabeth chase #Percy Jackson #percabeth #leah sava jeffries #pjo #leah jeffries #art tutorial #percy jackon and the olympians #I love superheroes and so of course all of the actors I thought of were from superhero movies lmao #also for the record my advice is mostly from reading others’ tutorials and observation #and I don’t really use it a lot because I stick to lineart a lot lol #like down to mentioning Hodge (love himmmm) as a reference for good lighting on dark skin #there’s another post floating around here that specifically mentions him and Leverage for that #I’m tagging this as an art tutorial but really i want it to be more of a master post #master post so yall can see the tutorials I usually use #but then I ended up writing about Jeffries specifically because I’m dumb #I wanted to go to sleep four hours ago I’m dumb #I really want to draw her and ginger Percy but #irl it’s starting to get busy at school again :/

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katyusha454 · 16 days

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I think I've found the most tragic ship in BG3 and I need to rant about it

I've seen a decent number of people discuss and write about Dark Justiciar Shadowheart, but they always focus on what she's like post-game when she's fully committed to Shar. Which is a fine thing to focus on! Especially when you're writing smut where she's a mean domme. Post-game DJ Shadowheart is a fascinating character. But I feel like people neglect to consider what she's like during the transition phase of Act 3, where she's become Shar's Chosen but hasn't yet Done The Thing that caps off her personal questline. And there is SO MUCH potential for angst and drama during that time frame.

IMO the most important aspect of this stage of her development is that she is not evil yet. She simply made a single bad decision and now she feels like she's in too deep to do anything but double down on it. She's spent her whole life trying to "fake it 'till you make it" and she's only just now starting to transition out of that and into sincere belief. All the misgivings and insecurities she's shared with you are still there, just buried deeper. That desire to love others and do good hasn't yet been completely stamped out. In my Dark Justiciar Origin run, I try to do good things whenever possible as long as I can find a way to rationalize it as benefiting Shar. (but I still ended up saying enough evil-sounding things to make Minthara incredibly horny for me)

So where does Karlach fit in?

Well, turns out when you play as Origin Shadowheart, Shar doesn't make you break up with your partner. In fact, Shar says absolutely nothing to you about your romantic situation. This is really weird if you're romancing anyone other than Karlach, but I think it makes perfect sense for Shar to tolerate a relationship with Karlach for the time being. It's the ideal opportunity for Shar to prove a point. Karlach is dying, and no matter what Shadowheart does, this relationship is going to end in painful loss. Shar wants Shadowheart to fall in love with Karlach only to have that love abruptly ripped away from her. It perfectly demonstrates everything Shar believes about love: that it's fleeting and will always hurt you in the long run. Better to just avoid it entirely so you don't get hurt.

And Shadowheart knows all this. She's studied Sharran scripture extensively, after all. She knows that Shar is trying to teach her a lesson, she knows that the longer the relationship lasts and the more emotionally intimate it gets, the more the end is going to hurt. So why doesn't she break it off? Partly it's because she loves Karlach and doesn't want to end things; she's probably in denial at least a little bit. But I think it's also partly because she's a bit of a masochist. She thinks she deserves to suffer because she knows, at least subconsciously, that she's still not a very good Sharran. She can see the loss coming and she hopes the experience will bring her closer to Shar.

You'd think Karlach would be unwilling to put up with DJ Shadowheart's fanatical bullshit, but personally I think Karlach would stick it out for a whole mess of reasons. Number one, she can still see the good in Shadowheart and she refuses to give up on her partner. She's clinging tightly to the hope that Shadowheart can still be redeemed, even though she probably understands that it's a long shot at best.

Number two, she blames herself. When you play as Tav/Durge or another Origin, Shadowheart will have a conversation with you before deciding what to do in the Shadowfell. But if you play as Shadowheart, none of your companions says a word to you. In the context of this ship, I choose to interpret that as Karlach being too trusting. She's seen the good in Shadowheart, after all. She's so certain Shadowheart will do the right thing that she doesn't think she needs to speak up. It's not until too late that she realizes what Shadowheart needed was for someone to say "hey, are you sure about this?" So now she feels she needs to make up for that failure somehow by continuing to try and nudge Shadowheart in the right direction even though it seems impossible.

And number three, Karlach's just plain lonely. As fucked-up as this relationship is, she's still getting companionship and intimacy, and she doesn't think she has time to cultivate a new relationship if she breaks up with Shadowheart. She wants someone to be with her and hold her hand at the end, even if that someone is a brainwashed cultist.

In sum, both of them know that their relationship is extremely unhealthy; that it's hurting them now and will hurt them more in the future. But they both refuse to end it for their own reasons. And good gods, the ANGST. ARE YOU FEELING IT NOW, MISTER KRABS?

#baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #bg3 #shadowheart #karlach #shadowlach #dark justiciar shadowheart

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scremogirl · 8 months

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★♑︎☆彡𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎✪𝐍!☆♏︎★

How the Captains and Lieutenants (+) would react to PDA

I’m obsessed with this anime you don’t even understand. Imma do a spin off of this but with the arrancar and sterneitter and Yhwach… yes I like Yhwach. Suck my dick. All the captains are the ones in the picture aka pre attack TYBW captains. Ikkaku and Kaien are the only changed lieutenants. This took to long to write so I barley proof read it, it just gets a little reparative at times. Read the note at the end plz. Enjoy my loves.

Chōjirō Sasakibe

W/ others: Young Chojiro would find it sweet. He has a very strong heart and will acknowledge the love of the couple but do nothing more. Older Chojiro would probably scoff and tell them to be a little more prideful about when and where they show their affection.

W S/O: I think no matter what age he’s pretty much the same. Wouldn’t do too much or too little. Younger him wouldn’t be as affectionate because he might have other priorities. Older him though, even tho he has more responsibilities, he’s laid back and will rest with you on a bench as you talk about your day. Would probably like feeding the ducks at a local park with you.

Suì-Fēng

W/ other people: *Side eye*. She ignores it for the most part but wishes they would do it in private. As long as it’s not anything tooo intimate then she doesn’t mind really.

W/ S/O: She doesn’t like it. Again, she doesn’t mind anything very subtle. Intentional but discreet brushing of the hands, holding eachother pinkies under the table, or sitting close together, is all alright. Hugging and Kissing on the other hand? No. Maybe if she’s feeling a little soft or has a good day, a kiss on the cheek would be exceptional, maybe a pet name. Other than that, absolutely not. She does have a reputation to uphold after all. (*cough* and she doesn’t want Yoruichi to see *cough*)

Rōjūrō Ōtoribashi

W/ others: He finds it endearing that people can express their love for eachother so openly. He won’t comment on it and keep going on with his day. If it gets a little to handsy between the two he’ll probably strum his guitar a little harder to block it out or just get up and walk away.

W/ S/O: He enjoys it. He likes the feeling of his hands in yours and arms wrapped around each other. He’s a little more open about it in private but that doesn’t mean he’ll completely stop in public. He’s more of a words or affrimation kinda guy, I mean he puts so much emotion into his lyrics, how could he not be? He’ll whisper sweet nothings in your ear, and if he’s in the mood, a couple filthy promises.

Izuru Kira

W/ others: Izuru is a naturally introverted and quiet person. Seeing people so open and confident in their love for eachother makes him a little jealous. He wishes that sometimes he could put himself out there just a little more, but he’s comfortable in his little bubble so the thought alone kinda scares him.

W/ S/O: As I said before, he’s a shy lil boy. Not to much in public or you’ll kill him. In private tho, 🤭. He’s literally all over you, begging and whimpering for just a little bit of attention (he’s def a sub imo). He likes having someone to hold every night he goes to bed and every morning he wakes up. Tbh, I think he goes for the extroverts; he’d appreciate it if you make the moves most of the time. But when he’s in a mood, best believe he’s not letting you go anywhere, for someone so slim he can be exceptionally strong; aka his status as a lieutenant. He loves words of affirmation, giving or receiving.

Retsu Unohana

W/ others: She thinks it’s sweet, at least Retsu does. As long as they aren’t doing too much she just goes on about her day. Yachiru on the other hand would have scoffed a little, shaming them for their openness, thinking that those moments between two lovers should be saved for the more private and intimate moments. (*She a reformed crip*)

W/ S/O: Im a little indifferent on this one. I don’t really have an opinion on her when it comes to this. I think before the main story and tybw she wouldn’t even be interested in anything but battle. Main story Unohana (+) pre-attack tybw, wouldn’t mind hand holding. She’ll call you cute/endearing names like “dear or hun” but other than that, I don’t think she’ll be that mindful or care about it.

Isanae Kotetsu

W/ others/: She’s shy and reserved just like izuru. More prone to blushing at seeing other people cuddle up to each other . If she makes contact with either of the two she’ll put her head down and scurry away. She’s so cuteeeee☺️.

W/ S/O: FLUSTERED AF. Will blush, stutter, and whimper at any sign of affection; especially in public. Y’know when in anime the two love interests are walking home together and one grabs the other's hand and turns away blushing? That’s her. She rarely makes the first move but will silently ask you too.

Shinji Hirako

W/ others: Fuckin Hypocrite. He'll scoff and get in his “I wish that was me so imma be a hater,” moods. Seeing people canoodling with each other in public kinda makes his dick hard ngl. He imagines it’s him with his s/o. niggas a pervert on bro.

W S/O: Touchy grabby touchy grabby. Won’t keep his hands to himself. Loves the fact others can see how shy he makes you. Will whisper the filthiest, diabolical things in your ear. Scratch that, if he feels like it he’ll say it out loud. Depending on who you are though, he won't actually say anything, he’s truly a respectful person; just likes to tease. Besides anything sexual, he loves holding your hands and looking deep into your eyes. It’s not hard to make him blush either but he’ll do so with a big smile and soft gaze. He just wants everyone to know how in love he is.

Byakuya Kuchini

W/ others: He doesn’t really care. Little displays of affection are okay in front of him but for the most part, because of who he is, people tend to not take it too far when he’s around.

W S/O: Like Soi Fong, he has a reputation to maintain. He’s a very private and uptight person. Most would say he has a stick up his ass (*kenny*). Another person who prefers to show affection in private. He’ll let you lay your head on his shoulder or vice versa; hands intertwined while you observe the koi fish in his private pond. In meetings with the other nobles, he’ll grab and squeeze your hand from under the table to reassure you. Who knew he could be a lil softie.

Renji Abarai

W/ others: Doesn’t matter to him. Don’t try and bang in front of him and you're cool. Renjis a very laid back guy even if he can be a hot head. He prefers if people would do it in private but if it starts to get to much for him he’ll just get up and walk away.

W/ S/O: I can only imagine him w/ Rukia I’m so sorry. Butttt, if I had to give a take on it I’d say he can get really flustered.

Sajin Komomaru

W/ others: Slightest bit jealous. Because of what he looks like, afraid that nobody would wanna do those things with him. He doesn’t have an opinion on PDA, as long as they’re respectful of the others around.

W S/O: It’s a pretty known fact that Sajin is insecure about himself. However, after he takes his face covering off he does become a little more confident. He’s another private one. Loves cuddling next to the fireplace. In his human form tho, he feels like he has an opportunity to finally show how much he loves you in public without fear of getting judged. He’ll hold you hand and call you a little pet name but for the most part he’s “meh” about it. Afraid to get fur in your mouth.

Shunsui Kyōraku

W/ others: Also another pervert. Have you read his books? Is the cheesy romantic type who says shit like “they just love eachother so much”. That one guy in meet cute romance novels who sits in the back of the cafe or park benches and writes a story based on couples he sees walking by. On some “her big blue eyes started into his narrow darker ones 🥺,” type shit.

Would probably write smut about it ng hold you. Lisa peer edits 4sure.

W/ S/O: Shameless bastard. Like shinji, he does not care who he’s around. Gets a pass because the head captian thinks of him as a son. Will do it infront it him even, making you give him a slap to the head. He’ll just wink at you and give you the biggest, wettest kiss on your cheek ever (*que Yamamoto leaving the room mumbling about how the younger generation has no shame*). Physical touch and words of affirmation are his strong suit. Will tell you your beautiful no matter when or where. Loves taking naps with you under the many beautiful trees located in *byakuyas’ home* the seireitei.

Nanao Ise

W/ others: Unprofessional. She thinks things like that should be indoor activities in their own space. Would probably speak up about it if it was getting too much. Wouldn’t be bitchy about it but would definitely have a very stern tone.

W/ S/O: Again, save it for inside. Would be flustered at any type of affection but more so in public. Would have the brightest cheeks and tell you off for doing things like that in public. She kinda gives me veryyy subtle tsundere vibes, like you gotta squint to see it. In private however, she’ll come up to you with redden cheeks and an embarrassed/ little irritated expression and hold her arms out for a hug.

Kensei Mugurama

W/ others: Get it outta his face. Doesn’t like it with other people, but he won’t have any strong reaction to it. Probably just gives a roll of his eyes and a head shake. Just seeing other people be lovey dovey makes him cringe.

W S/O: Just like his flat skulled friend, very much a hypocrite. Will have a firm grip on your hand every time you two go out, arm around your waist, hand on your lower back. Even though he has this tough persona attached to him, he doesn’t mind showing just how much he cares about you. Will let you sit in his lap with his arms around you or hands on your hips with his face buried in your neck. He does this the most in public, especially if he doesn’t feel like socializing. Would be a little cheeky and start peppering kisses along your neck.

Shūhei Hisagi

W others: Tbh I’m a bit indifferent to him too. He’ll either glance at them and walk the other way. Or, B, become flustered and dip. He just doesn’t know how to react. Kinda just stares for a couple seconds, blushes, huffs, and walks away.

W S/O: Just like his best friend (insert Izuru), he’s a bit bashful about it, but just like his captain he can be a little slick. After a couple of drinks the boldness comes out. He loves wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you towards him with a kiss on your cheek. Will also pull you into his lap and would most likely fall asleep. When he’s a bit more in control of his actions, he’ll grab your hand as you stroll through the town. Still a fan of kissing you on the cheek and will throw in a babe here or there, the works.

Tōshirō Hitsugaya

W/ others: Another one who finds it inappropriate in public. He’s but a child, spare him please,

W S/O: Lil boy.

Rangiku Matsumoto

W/ others- Yet another one who finds it cute. Would comment on how adorable the couple is, will even say it to their face. She can tune it out if she wants too but finds it funny to tease them. Especially if it’s one of her friends (Izuru abuse).

W S/O- Loves, loves, LOVES PDA. Cute nicknames, hugs and kisses, holding hands, going on dates. Loves to feel wanted and appreciated. Probably loves PDA the most out of everyone on this list.*Gin can’t do anything about it cause he dead*

Kenpachi Zaraki

W others: Finds it disgusting but doesn’t care. Slighttttttttly a perverted about it. As long as you're not jumping each other's bones, you’re safe.

W/ S/O: Kinda like Kensei. Very protective of you and a little saucy. Does not care who's watching because he knows they won’t do anything about it. Won’t say it but he loves when you’re perched on his shoulders (your weight/height does not matter this niggas almost seven feet and beefy). Loves for you to sit in his lap too, another one who likes napping with you outside. Lowkey likes it when you, yachiru, and himself go out and do whatever, kinda like his own little family. (has a breeding kink btw)

Ikkaku Madarame

W/ others: Would straight up tell them to knock it off if it’s getting too much. He finds all that cheesy, coupley, romance stuff disgusting. (Would headbutt someone).

W/ S/O: Doesn’t give a damn just like his captain. Very brash and straight forward. Will come up and kiss you in the middle of training if he thinks he did something particularly good in which he deserves a reward. Would sling an arm around your shoulder and kiss the top of your head while sitting in a bar drinking and laughing. Plot twist! If YOU were the one showing PDA he’ll become bashful and scold you about doing things like that in public. Calls you babe 24/7 and does not care who's around when he makes naughty jokes.

Mayuri Kurotsuchi

W/ others: Will stare at them until they stop or throw up in each other's mouths. Finds it absolutely repulsive. Why are you doing that in public, let alone in front of him? Will comment on it, telling them that wherever they are is no place for such nonsense. Will walk away and mutter how nasty it is under his breath.

W/ S/O: No.

Nemu

W/ others: Does not care.

W/ others: Wouldn’t initiate it but would reciprocate if you did. She basically a robot ion know what you want from me.

(+ Akon)

W/ others: Why though? Might get flustered if they start making out but for the most part he gets second hand embarrassment.

W/ other: Again would get flustered by kissing, but wouldn’t necessarily push you away or tell you to stop.

Jūshirō Ukitake

W/ others- Thinks it’s so cute. Would smile and wave at the couple. If they started to get a bit more handsy with eachother his pale face would turn the brightest of pink as he excuses himself.

W S/O- In terms of the top three PDA lovers I’d say Rangiku, Shunsui/Rose tied for 2nd, then him. He’s literally the sweetest person in all the seireitei. Loves sitting out in the open with you, on a cute little picnic date. Pet names thrown around the room, hugges and kisses are open anytime. Would blush and rub the back of his head with a soft laugh and even softer smile if you ever catch him off guard in public. Would say he loves you no matter who’s around.

Kaien Shiba

W/ others: Won’t pay attention to it. They love each other, so what?

W S/O: Woule give you big bears hugs whenever he sees you. Timid smiles with a heart of gold. Around you 24/7 so everyone has gotten used to it. Your own personal shadow.

꧁༺!𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒!༺꧂

Sōsuke Aizen

W/ others. Pre betrayal Aizen would say he finds it charming in a way. Would softly smile at the two and keep going on about his day. Post betrayal Aizen would give them the side eye. Thinks it’s disrespectful to do things like that in his presence. Might rock your shit tbh.

W/ S/O- Pre betrayal Aizen would encourage it. He wants to show everyone how sweet and gentle of a boyfriend he can be. Will grab your hands, waist, hips, or arms at random times to catch you off guard. Post betrayal Aizen could not give 2 fucks.. Would come up behind you snaking his hand around your neck and kiss behind your ear, while you’re mid convo with someone might I add. Will have you sit on his throne with him, might force you too if you’ve been acting up, especially if he knows you hate attention (sinister af).

Gin Ichimaru

W/ others: Would observe them from afar. If they're getting annoying with it he’ll come up to them and purposely make them uncomfortable. Deep down though, he’ll find it cute and long for someone to connect to like that

W/ S/O: Similar to Aizen in the way he just does not care. Even after the betrayal of the Gotei 13, he stays the same. Would grab your hips and kiss along the column of your neck staring straight into the eyes of the person you're talking to. Would whisper teasing words to you no matter where you are. But as I said earlier, the real Gin would just want you to feel like you are always an attachment of him. He really does love you

Kaname Tōsen

W others: Can’t see them.

NAH IM JUST PLAYIN 😭. He thinks it’s a bit unsavory to be doin things in public. He does think, however, that if they’re that secure in the relationship and in their love they have the right to express it.

W/ S/O: Pre betrayal Kaname would hold your hands most of the time. Would possibly give you a quick peck on the cheek or forehead when he knows nobody is paying attention. Most of that stuff is in the privacy of your home. Defo gets more confident and will subtly grope you while whispering sweet nothings. Post betrayal Kaname may or may not be as strict about it. It’s 50/50 he wants you to know he loves you but he also wants to be professional. Maybe if you catch him in a less populated area. Who knows 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Kisuke Urahara

W/ others: Would watch them from behind his fan and bucket hat. Doesn’t mind it at all, he’ll just laugh about it and say that they’re just doing what most couples do.

W/ S/O: Run. Will not leave you aloneeeeeee. Will grab at any part of you. Will grab or slap your ass in public too he dgaf: But when you whip around he’s already out of sight. Now you and the other people around you are left speechless as you stomp around to find him. He loves pet names and will let them spew out whenever. Likes to tease you a lot and does it even more in public. He just like seeing you so shy (* was gonna say blush but uh…👋🏾*). He’s way more on you in private though. Laying in bed cuddled up with you is his favorite. Likes having his face smushed in your chest no matter the size. Arms around your waist and breathing softly as you play with his hair. That won’t last long though, Defo sleeps in the starfish position and will slap or kick you in the face. Good luck tho cause he sleeps like he’s dead. You’ll either push him on the floor or sleep on the couch.

Yoruichi Shihōin

W/ others: She’ll just tune it out. If it’s getting too much she’ll ask them to stop. Just don’t do it when she’s around.

W S/O: Does what she wants. Totally think she’ll love to cuddle up to you in her cat form. Lives for head and belly rubs as well as scratches to her ears. Human form Yoruichi is way more devious. Would lay her head in your lap, arms crossed as she sleeps. Would kiss your cheek, say her 2 cents and walk away. She doesn't care who's around or what you're doing. If she wants to love on you she will.

Just as another psa I don’t write for Toshiro romantically or the lieutenants from squad 2, 5, or 7.

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hollowtones · 9 months

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first yiik impressions?

Hi. Thanks for your message. I've been thinking about this for days. I wrote paragraphs. Here you go!

Everyone talks up how the game is bad, but I've never looked into it much myself, so I went in with an expectation along the lines of "people whose opinions I often agree with think it was an awful mess, I'll likely think something similar". Expectations were low. Even then I wasn't really ready.

"YIIK" is a game of tedium. I don't think it's a game about tedium, that's something different (though it could be, if it was a different video game altogether; "what if the world was made of pudding" etc). To some degree I think the tedium is by design but I'm not really sure what it's in service of.

I don't think tedium in a video game is a bad thing. "Morrowind" and "Breath of the Wild" are two video games I like very much, and some of my favourite memories of those games are of slowly wandering through empty expanses, or having to suddenly deal with equipment degrading or supplies dwindling because I forgot to prepare. Moments like that feel thoughtful! They're interesting moments of reprieve or of tension that feel thoughtfully and intentionally designed! "YIIK" feels like trudging through chest-deep molasses so it can shout "hey did you know you're stuck in my molasses right now? that's weird, why are you stuck in my molasses right now? did you notice?" directly into your ear.

You'll notice this is a pattern.

Combat is turn-based and involves completing little minigames, timing button prompts or hitting targets or some such. It's a cute idea that wears out its welcome when you start realizing how long every single one takes to resolve, especially when you have multiple party members, and sometimes multiple enemies (I'm told this part specifically gets more egregious as the game goes on). I don't think it's awful or unsalvageable but I'm not super into it as of the point we're at.

This is a pattern.

Leveling up is a manual process that you have to unlock, and it involves going to a save point (any save point? we didn't check), to enter the Mind Dungeon, to enter the actual Mind Dungeon, to walk down a set of stairs and enter individual doors one-by-one, so that you can choose how you want to allocate stat increases, so that you can walk down a different set of stairs to commit your choices and spend your banked experience to level up. I think "you can only power up at specific points / times / locations" and the granularity of stat growth are interesting ideas, and the environment they made for it are a charming idea, and I don't think it needed to be a "Hotel Mario" level that you had to slowly walk through. It could have been a menu. They could have used the resources for a nice background or backdrop for a menu that accomplishes the same thing.

This is a pattern.

I haven't really mentioned anything about the story or writing yet. The protagonist's name is Alex and he's a very self-important nerdy misanthropic dickhead white man (a very specific kind of guy that I've definitely met at least once or twice) who is obsessed with a paranormal message board populated by people like him and desperate to find out more about the disappearance of a woman he witnessed. (The woman & her disappearance are based on the real life death of Elisa Lam & aren't handled with a whole lot of tact, IMO, but other people have put this into better words than I can right now. It sucks. It keeps coming up and it makes me bristle every time.) Alex is a bad person. I know he is. You know he is. The game knows he is. I've seen some reviews say a negative point of the game is "the main characters aren't likeable", which I don't really get, because that's the point of the characters, as far as I can tell. The issue, then, is how much time the game takes to exposit at you how bad the characters are. It's exhausting. Every time Alex has a monologue, it feels like it sums up to 10 minutes of "I am a bad person. I am a bad person. Alex is a bad person. This character is a bad person. Do you get it? He's a bad person. Alex is a bad person. Do you understand yet, player? Alex is a bad person. You should know that he's a bad person. Do you get it?"

This is a pattern.

(I don't know how interested I am in bringing up the game's lead writer right now, if at all, but there's a well-known anecdote where he talks about wanting to write a story about a bad person who is forced to grapple with himself and do better, and how the reason why his game wasn't well-received was because people who play video games didn't get it & weren't ready for a story like that. I dunno. I can understand being upset about negative reception to something you poured time and sweat into, and saying something hasty because of it. "Final Fantasy 4" is a beloved RPG classic, though, and "Disco Elysium" came out the same year to overwhelming praise. I haven't played either of these yet, though, so I'll admit maybe I'm off the mark here.)

The characters we've met so far (i.e. the ones that aren't unnamed NPCs) are… well. There's a smarmy younger kid who idolizes(?) Alex & also made the aforementioned paranormal website. So far it seems like he mostly exists to go "hey fuck you Alex, you dickhead" and immediately say something even more insensitive. There's the insensitive based-on-a-real=ass-dead-woman elevator woman, who immediately disappeared from the narrative while still being an essential part of the narrative. There was a dead(?) robot in a bedroom, who had a choir of ominous hooded people monologue about how weird and sad and strange and uncanny the scene is. What the!? There's a woman who works at the arcade and has Powers. Her design's cute. (I feel like, generally, the game's visuals are Fine. The audio, too. That all ranges from Just Fine to Surprisingly Neat. I don't really have much issue with those aspects of the game, but I don't have much to say about them either.) Alex and Kid Whose Name I Didn't Care To Remember are constantly very uncomfortable to her, because she's a woman and because she isn't white, in the 15 or so minutes we've seen her on-screen, and she gets to tell them off, but then immediately kind of goes "well whatever I can smile and put up with this and hang out with you". It feels misogynistic. I know to some degree Alex is misogynistic on purpose, because the game is bludgeoning your skull in and yelling "ALEX IS SHITTY TO WOMEN! AND PEOPLE OF COLOUR! DO YOU GET IT? HE'S SELF ABSORBED IN A SHITTY WAY! DO YOU GET IT, PLAYER? YOU UNDERSTAND THAT ALEX SUCKS ASS YET? MAYBE 10 MORE MINUTES OF THIS WILL MAKE IT CLICK?" But for a woman of colour (the only one we've seen so far who isn't Probably Just Dead) to finally tell him off for being a shithead, only to turn around and go "well it's ok, you're cool now, let's hang out now because it's narratively convenient and you're the protagonist" is pretty damn egregious!

This is a pattern.

Writing in general feels stilted and long-winded. Most of the main characters feel like they don't talk like people do. Alex gets to feel like a person but that's mostly because he gets to talk to himself so damn much. Most of his monologues feel like overly flowery prose, like someone padded it out with identical adjectives to meet a school essay word count. There's an interesting idea or premise or setpiece every now and then. There's a spark. A glint of something compelling. Every single time this has happened so far I find it immediately snuffed out by an over-blown "oh my god!!!!!!! how weird!!!!!!', or a very long plot dump, or a Joss Whedon-ass quip. There can be no small moment of joy. No story element or visual element can stand on its own legs. There can be no room for ideas to breathe. No space for the player to wonder, to dream, to play in the space. The narrative is compelled to suffocate iself on itself, to take up all space, to swallow itself whole in its making. One very minor (so far?) side character has some interesting dialogue in this one dream world, and I think "oh that's neat", and then I learn they're lines taken wholesale from a book (and I think that's fine, reference is fine, but I have a bit of a chuckle over the fact that this character is the reason why the game has a giant REFERENCES option in the main menu). The literal first minute of the game is a bird telling you "oh my god, the title of this game, right? why'd they spell it like that? so fucking dumb, am I right!" It feels insecure. It reads like the writing has no confidence in itself. It has to make a comment about how silly and video-gamey it is, roll its eyes at itself, mock itself for the thing it's doing while continuing to do it without addressing it or discussing it or doing anything with it.

This is a pattern.

There's a specific part of "YIIK", at this early point in the game (we're only around the start[?] of chapter 2), that feels emblematic of the thing as a whole up to this point. Alex is getting phone calls from a stranger. They're confusing and weird and sound a little like something you might hear in a dream. They make references to some shared past, some childhood, some understanding of Alex, or maybe of you, the player. They've come up a few times. Every single time, I'm left thinking about what it could mean, how it fits in with everything we've seen so far & what the game seems to be talking about, with regards to connecting to other people and to yourself. It's a neat little thing. It's a neat idea. I'm charmed by it. As much as my thoughts on this game are largely negative, I still try to look at it fairly, to understand it, to talk about it, to let myself be surprised by it. As soon as I find myself thinking about this, my thoughts are immediately drowned out by Alex telling me how weird the phone call is, how random and uncanny and dumb this is, and how he's rolling his proverbial eyes about it, in spite of all the other paranormal happenings around him, for another period of Just Too Long. And I am sapped of all strength and I crumble to dust.

I'm genuinely transfixed. I'm transfixed! Maybe the fact that I wrote Paragraphs about the 4-or-5 hours I've seen of the game can tell you as much, even if you skip everything I wrote in them.

I can't wait to see more.

This, too, is a pattern.

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justanotherwriter140 · 2 months

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Kung Fu Panda 4 - The Movie

The last really, really long discussion post (for now).

Major spoilers ahead!

This review is full of spoilers, so please refrain from reading through it until you've watched KFP4. I would highly suggest doing so, as I want everyone to form their own opinions without my influence. The movie has its flaws (some of which admittedly being a bit distracting), but it's a fun film that has things to offer.

Kung Fu Panda 4 is a fun movie (take that as you will) that takes its audience on an action-packed, surprisingly funny, yet relatively contained adventure on which Po doesn't really do much. It's an inconsequential, safe sequel that doesn't really hurt the franchise but adds close to nothing.

I had a good time watching the movie. It was obviously produced with its theater experience in mind and the action scenes especially reflected that priority. The humor was actually funny sometimes and I enjoyed Po and Zhen's dynamic. During the film, I was able to put most (most!) of my grievances aside and take the movie for what it is. I've discovered that the best way to watch KFP4 is with low expectations and an open mind.

I have a lot of things to say about KFP4, both complaints and compliments (though the former might be taking the forefront in this review), and I hope this review can help those of you who have seen the movie organize your thoughts. I've been having a lot of trouble with that specific aspect of things myself. Those who get it get it.

With that said, let's get into my full review of KFP4! I've been waiting for nearly 2 years to write this and I'm so excited to share every single thought.

I'm going to follow the format of my first discussion post and curate a bulleted list of my thoughts, followed by an analysis of each of these points. Keep in mind that everything I say is IMO and this is more of a rant post than anything else.

Here are my main points:

The Furious Five's role is comically minuscule in the context of the film. Their actions are inconsequential and add nothing to the plot (a confirmed last-minute add), and they have 30~ seconds of screen time. Shifu is also largely irrelevant.

Mr. Ping and Li's presence has little to no effect on the movie (though I won't complain too much because they were pretty fun to watch and this movie has bigger problems). In almost any scenario, I am adamantly against having characters present that don't add anything to the narrative; however, Mr. Ping is an exception. I love Mr. Ping. James Hong is a gem.

Zhen's screen time is not utilized well and her character is underdeveloped. She definitely wasn't annoying, but I didn't find her either compelling or funny enough to warrant the screen time she was given, especially considering it wasn't used to establish a backstory/strong motives. This makes me feel bad for the character because the movie kind of screwed her out of any substantial development.

The Chameleon, while complimented greatly by Viola Davis, is an underwhelming villain. Viola Davis is amazing in this film and I would suggest watching it for her performance if for nothing else, but the Chameleon is underwhelming considering the super cool concept behind the character.

The film feels very rushed. Apologies to those who disagree, but I think the pacing is atrocious and the final fight is anticlimactic. The movie felt like a word-vomit with no discernible intermissions that stops abruptly when the film ends.

I felt as though Po didn't change/grow as a person and the audience never had a chance to either bond with or relate to his character. His internal struggle is kept to a minimum and we don't spend a moment alone with him as an audience, which is disorienting and distracting. Watching the film felt like running into an old friend at the store who's too in a rush to have a real conversation.

The action scenes were strong with few exceptions. Creative art direction was utilized and I thought the martial arts choreography was entertaining and dynamic. I love the color palette of the film and many scenes were very impressive visually.

With my main points established, I do believe it's ranting time. Strap in, folks.

Let's start strong with the Furious Five: I'm gutted. Chagrined, despondent, crestfallen, etc.

The lack of the Furious Five negatively affects KFP4 so much, because not only does their absence hurt the atmospheric integrity of KFP as a franchise, it also forces KFP4 to bring in a slew of different characters—all while still noncommittally including the FF at the very end because I believe the marketing team required it—that clog up the cast a bit. It all goes to show how important strong, established side characters are.

The Furious Five are side characters, but the role of "side character" does not equate to being irrelevant, expendable, or exchangeable. I recognize that the Furious Five aren't super developed as characters beyond a handful of lines that allude to traits sprinkled sparingly among the members; however, I believe that the tiny bits of development we have been given have proved impactful in the past. Tigress's development in KFP2 is a prime example of how much narratively conscious changes (however small they may be) can positively affect these movies.

Because of limited runtimes, the Furious Five often operate as more of a singular unit than five individuals. Even so, I don't think discarding them is valid. They're so important to the KFP universe (to Po's universe!) and not having them with him feels so wrong. The Furious Five are fully integral to the heart of Kung Fu Panda, which is why I believe a lot of those who have seen the new movie have expressed something feeling "off" or something being missing.

I agree with this sentiment. To me, KFP4 didn't feel like a KFP movie. I don't need a Furious Five spin-off movie and I can be fully content with a KFP5 centered around Po's journey as an individual as was intended from the beginning, but he can't carry an entire movie on his back. As strong as he is in every sense of the word, he is only one character. He's the centerpiece of the franchise, but a centerpiece can only go so far without the rest of the design, so to speak.

For me, the Furious Five's absence is one of this film's biggest faults. It's huge and glaring. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, either, because the friends with whom I saw the film refused to talk about any other aspect of the movie after seeing it. Seeing them at the end was better than nothing, of course, but it was a disappointing culmination after eight years of waiting.

That all is to say I feel robbed. Despite all of this, though, I understand that there were reasons why the Furious Five weren't included in the movie. I don't believe the production team would exclude the Furious Five unless they weren't given a choice.

Shifu and Po's dynamic continues to be thoroughly delightful but their interactions are short and simplified. I would have loved to see more of them in this film, especially considering the extreme relevance of teacher-student relationships in KFP4. I (somewhat) digress, though, because the idea of Shifu having to live at the Jade Palace with only Po for an extended period of time is hilarious enough on its own. Maybe that's what the short film is about!

The comedy is odd but has some jokes that stand out. Po maintains a healthy relationship with his inner sass, which I think makes him more fun to watch and kind of eradicates the man-child verdict. Some jokes don't land, of course, but I genuinely thought KFP4 had some funny moments. Mr. Ping was consistently awesome and Po had some good lines sprinkled throughout the film.

As for Mr. Ping, he and Li Shan are the subjects of the film's B-plot as they follow Po to Juniper City out of shared concern for their son's safety. In my mind, they don't add anything to the story that couldn't have been brought about by other characters, but they had their moments of being entertaining. I enjoyed their silliness and thought they had a cute dynamic if nothing else.

Speaking of other characters, I want to discuss KFP4's deuteragonist and why I genuinely feel bad about the way her character was treated.

I want to let it be known that I'm still not on board with Po passing the Dragon Warrior torch to another character. While I agree that his arc is now calling for him to have a student, I disagree with the notion of him retiring from his DW role.

As I stated in my first discussion post:

Didn’t the initial significance and nuance of the title come from the fact that there is only one person who can be the Dragon Warrior, because the concept of the “Dragon Warrior” isn’t so much a title as it is Po himself? The universe (Oogway) must choose the Dragon Warrior because they are a singular being of legend. It is one person, and that person is Po. Wasn’t the point of the first film that the title ultimately doesn’t really matter because there is no “secret ingredient,” so to speak? The title doesn’t actually give Po anything. “It’s just you,” Po says, and that was the resolution.

When it comes to Zhen as a character, contrary to what I predicted I would think of her, I thought she was okay. While I was still a bit distracted by how out-of-place her design looks, I wasn't truly annoyed by her at any point and she and Po had some cute moments. Even so, I think their relationship could have been a bit more refined and developed.

While it's evident that Po and Zhen are meant to have a teacher-student/mentor-apprentice dynamic, I think their relationship feels half-baked. There were parallels that contradicted one another and ended up being confusing come the film's conclusion, and the nature of their relationship seems to vacillate depending on the scene. Additionally, the strength of their bond goes from zero to one hundred within thirty-ish minutes and left me with a bit of whiplash.

We're shown that Po and Zhen care about one another, but we're never shown why. They have a brief conversation during which they bond over being orphans, and Zhen says at one point, "You're actually a good guy," but that's it. This obvious lack of development is a bit disorienting because we're later led to believe that Zhen and Po care very deeply for one another when there's almost nothing to back it up.

A scene that sticks out to me when discussing this is when Zhen attack-hugs Po in a way that explicitly mirrors Tigress's hug from KFP2. This happens around the beginning of the third act, and while it had the potential to be an endearing moment, I think it fell flat.

The impact of Tigress's hug was brought on by her character's hardcore nature and reputation of being heartless, further strengthened with the knowledge that she was hugging Po (which was obviously way outside her comfort zone) as a show of companionship and fundamental understanding. Tigress hugged Po because he needed someone to recognize his strive for closure.

Zhen's hug had little to no impact because she had no reason to do it and it didn't indicate growth. She hugs Po because she's sorry for betraying him and doesn't want him to be killed by the Chameleon, but neither of these things are newly-established via this hug; we have already gathered by now that Zhen regrets betraying Po and doesn't want him to get hurt.

The hug is far from the movie's weakest point, but I think it's unnecessary given the context. I'm big on hugs in movies (an underutilized form of platonic affection, in my opinion), but it didn't fit here. I don't hate it, and I see it as an honest effort to bring emotionality to Po and Zhen's relationship, but it seems arbitrary.

Zhen and Po's relationship has a lot of potential and I'd be open to seeing more of them in the future, but I think some more thoughtful development needs to occur before I can humor it further. Even so, I can see myself featuring Zhen in some future post-KFP4 one-shots—sparingly, of course, because we have a lot of Furious Five content to compensate for.

Overall, they had a cute dynamic and some sweet moments but I'm not attached. I'm on board with Po having a student but I think their relationship needs a lot more development, something that this film unfortunately didn't give them time to either accomplish or earn.

Now, onto the Chameleon!

The concept of the Chameleon's character is admittedly super interesting. She's the deuteragonist's fastidious mother figure who feels that Zhen owes her a debt and as a result holds her to an impossible standard. That dynamic had the potential to be so interesting but I didn't think it was explored at all. There is no indication of Zhen having any internal conflict about fighting the Chameleon, no emotional complexity between them at all; it's disappointing because I think it would've added a bit of earnestness to the film.

Additionally, the idea of a shape-shifting villain is versatile. A shape-shifting villain gives those telling the story a lot of room to experiment with the protagonist and different ways in which the main character can be challenged and tested. It's yet another good idea utilized poorly. Just one idea: the Chameleon could have disguised herself as one (or several) of Po's family, friends, etc. and brought to fruition a new arc with his character (seeing as he arguably doesn't have one in this film), but she only disguises herself as Zhen very briefly in the movie.

Furthermore, the Chameleon completely relies on the powers of previous villains to pose any sort of threat to the main characters. She summons Po's former nemeses from the Spirit Realm (despite there being little logic in doing so considering Kai's literal evisceration) and takes their kung fu abilities for herself.

An excerpt from my first KFP4 discussion post that I think is relevant to the point I'm trying to make:

I don’t think it would be in the best interest of anyone if the past villains were to come back in any way that’s not a flashback (even then, I’m not sure I’d see the point). In all honesty, I thought that the whole point of the villains was that they died and stayed dead. They were defeated by Po once and for all as a testament to the idea of establishing Po's character growth and journey as a person through the bad things he’s able to overcome. It’d be highly contradictory to the messages of the other films if these villains were to suddenly come back.

While there was an honest effort made to portray the Chameleon as intimidating, I never felt as though any of the characters were endangered by either her or her army of lizard henchman. She's a visually appealing character (aside from her eyes, which I thought more resembled those of a gecko than a chameleon) and I greatly enjoyed Davis's performance, but overall I don't see the Chameleon as a notable villain.

The return of Tai Lung (had he been on his own) had the makings to be an excellent story, especially considering the importance of teacher-student dynamics in KFP4. To see him interacting with Shifu would have been incredible and could have led to further closure on Tai Lung's end (because I think that's kind of what the team was going for anyway), but it didn't happen.

It was nice to see Ian McShane reprise his role, but I wish Tai Lung's characterization had been more reminiscent of the way he was in the first film and more complimentary of his overall character arc. Tai Lung isn't a one-dimensional villain with a singular goal and motivation, and I couldn't help but feel as though the complexity of his character was simplified for the sake of KFP4's narrative.

Tai Lung's presence in KFP4 may be odd, but Shen and Kai's appearances are even more so. Kai, if I remember correctly, was fully obliterated by Po, reduced to literal particles on screen (which is kind of wild now that I think about it). Shen being in the Spirit Realm makes sense all things considered; however, Po and Li had no visible reaction to his presence, which seemed a bit unlikely considering Shen's deeds. This plot hole can likely be attributed to the fact that Shen and Kai's cameos (to my knowledge) were last-minute additions to the movie.

I have to talk about the pacing. I have to. I'm sorry, bear with me.

To me, the film's pacing is erratic and disconcerting. While I can appreciate a quick-moving narrative that doesn't dawdle on storylines that aren't interesting/important, KFP4 kind of flings itself too far in the opposite direction and ends up being frighteningly fast-paced. Once the credits began, I felt like I had been holding my breath for the entire movie.

KFP4 is confusing because while the runtime is standard for a KFP movie, it feels incredibly short. At the same time, the film's story moves at a breakneck speed and leaves little time for heart and development. These things culminate into a barreling boulder of a movie that simply doesn't have time to let its characters, story, or audience take a breath.

A fast pace is not inherently negative, but I don't think it worked in the favor of KFP4. The KFP franchise has always been very emotionally grounded (and just very grounded in general), so to see a film in which emotion/heart takes an aggressive backseat in comparison to action and comedy is jarring. While I think it's unreasonable for fans to expect the same emotional integrity as the original films to be present in the current and upcoming ones, I still think there's room for Po to grow and I felt as though the notion of him developing further was brushed aside in this film.

As for Po's growth, I felt it was nearly nonexistent. The previous trilogy wrapped up his character's journey beautifully and I know that KFP4 was bound to struggle with this particular aspect of making another KFP film; however, just because the strongest pillars of Po's character are established doesn't serve as a valid excuse to reverse his development and repeat what he learned in KFP3.

In KFP3, Po learned firsthand that he is capable of spreading wisdom and teaching kung fu. He also learns that he is constantly growing and that change is inevitable; there is always something more to learn.

"If you only do what you can do, you will never be more than you are now."

"I don't want to be anything more, I like who I am!"

In KFP4, Po pushes against this narrative despite fully accepting it in KFP3, actively reversing crucial parts of his character development achieved in the latter. KFP3 was non-ambiguously about learning to cope with change and responsibility, and I can't help but feel like KFP4 is simply copying this message while not adding anything to it.

Additionally, I felt that KFP4's Po generally felt less personal than he has in the past. In every KFP movie up to the franchise's most recent addition, I felt very connected to Po as an audience member. I felt like I was truly seeing the world of KFP through his eyes. I consider this to be one of the franchise's most impressive feats; it's incredibly difficult to build a universe around a character without making the audience feel limited to one perspective and one part of the world.

With KFP4, I felt both limited and disconnected. The world didn't feel as vast and all-encompassing as it has in the past and Po didn't seem fully like himself. This could be me nitpicking (as I'm prone to do), but I can't recall a single moment in the movie in which Po was alone on screen. Scenes like these are crucial for me because I see them as a meet-cute between the character and the audience, a moment for us to cross the bridge into their world in a way that's silent and intuitive. These little bonding moments are absolutely integral to feeling connected to a character.

Po's dream sequence in the first KFP movie is one of the best examples of this. It presents his aspirations, alludes to his way of life up to the point of the movie, and showcases his personality. During Po's dream sequence, the audience is quite literally inside Po's mind; we're there with him, seeing what he sees, subsequently feeling what he feels. Po is a dreamer at heart and makes the audience feel like dreamers, too.

In KFP4, I felt like I little to no point of reference when it comes to how Po was feeling. I didn't feel immersed in him and his world.

I know I've been very "doom and gloom" throughout this post, which is an exhausting mindset for everyone involved. I want to end my critique with something positive because I think some praise is deserved. Let's just say the movie could have been a lot worse, the details of which I'm sure you're all well aware.

The color palette of the movie is beautiful and somewhat reminiscent of the first film. While the animation style of KFP4 is far more simplistic than its predecessors, I was very impressed with its use of shadow and light. Po's many faces were also hysterical, props to those who helped make him as expressive as he is.

Additionally, the movie's action sequences were clearly thought out and discussed in great detail. The experimentation with camera angles was really fun to watch and I enjoyed the majority of the film's fight scenes. They were fun, bouncy, and entertaining, and quite likely reinstated audiences's love of watching a cuddly panda kick butt.

Congratulations, you've reached the end! Thank you so much to all of you who took the time to read this unnecessarily long and detailed review. As long as I help someone translate their conflicted feelings into coherent thoughts, I'll call it a win.

I want to reiterate that I don't hate Kung Fu Panda 4 and I had fun while watching the film. It has its flaws and there are a lot of aspects that I dislike, but the effort of the crew is obvious and I greatly admire and respect the hard work put into the film by those who worked on it. This does not at all excuse my issues with the movie, but it's worth saying.

As for the future of the series, I only hope that the next installment is more considerate of the franchise's origins and why Po's story is being told in the first place. I fully believe that another sequel could be good given a strong, passionate crew with a great understanding of the characters and world (and I wouldn't be averse to some previous directors returning, just to put it out there).

Thanks again to those who took the time to read this crazy excuse for a movie review. Feel free to either disagree with me or add things in the replies/reblogs, I'm always looking for more thoughts to think.

Until next time!

#kung fu panda 4 #kung fu panda #dreamworks animation #kfp #kfp 4 #movie review #i'll add the actual picture of the furious five's cameo when i can get ahold of one of decent quality #my time has come #it wasn't THAT bad #i didn't love it #but it is what it is #it's a tentative 6/10 all things considered #free the five #perhaps i treated kfp3 too harshly #don't get me wrong the movie had good qualities and i can tell a lot of work went into it #a lot of missed potential imo #a lot of characters done dirty #i didn't even mention the score but i thought it was just okay #i wasn't wowed #i know close to nothing about composing though so i should probably just not even go there #credits were the best part both cinematically and musically #i feel mean but i'm not going to be dishonest #bc obviously you all simply must know how i feel about the silly panda movie #a more detailed version of the grievances i have w the dragon warrior plot can be found in my og discussion post if anyone's interested #as well as my thoughts on bringing back old villains #might make some edits to this in the future but this is all i have to say for now

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lakesouperior · 6 months

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🐻🐤🐰🦊 just some thoughts on the fnaf movie

🐻the attention to detail that was put into it, with all it’s little details and easter eggs. the posters in the background, (and i haven’t seen anyone bring this up), the guy who got face-mauled by the cupcake wearing a midnight motorist t-shirt. the spring lock scene. the fact that scariest of all the jumpscares (of which there weren’t a lot but it’s kind of for the younger demographic ig they can’t make it too bad) was freaking balloon boy. the highest kill count going to MVP Carl the Cupcake. this is what i mean when i say movies from established franchises should be made by fans, for fans.

AND THE MATPAT CAMEO. HIS ACTING ISNT EVEN BAD AND EVEN IF IT WAS I EOULD STILL LOEV ITTT DVDNFB

🐤 you can tell they put a lot of thought into the child actors. abby is phenomenal. the five missing children? properly creepy and sad looking.

🐰 characters were all really well written and entertaining. the karen aunt, for all that she is an antagonist and very much hateable, still manages to be funny. even background characters are hilarious, like Doug for example, and don’t even get me started on the friggin matpat cameo i nearly screamed in the movie theater.

🦊 vanessa and mike are naturally each other’s narrative foils (and stand-ins for respectively Michael Afton/Elizabeth Afton (MichaElizabeth if you will) and Charlotte Emily imo), and them saying the same line, the “that’s two jobs”, mike at the beginning, and vanessa at the end, TO THE SAME CHARACTER?? TO THE BIG FUCKIN BAD HIMSELF??? WHO THEY BOTH HAVE DEEP HISTORY WITH???? literally this is good writing. i’m not saying the movie is perfect because it isn’t, but this is good writing.

🐻 and vanessa, as much as she kind of is, doesn’t feel like a coward because her worst fear does come true. her own father, the person who she thought the world of, tries to kill her as soon as she steps out of line. her fear wasn’t unjustified. she spent her entire life under his control — has literally never known anything else, and to still rebel after so long must’ve been the hardest, most terrifying thing in the world but she still did it because she’d grown to care for mike and abby.

and this is what i mean when i quote that one post: “strong female characters ≠ characters who are female and punch good, but strong female characters = well-written female characters” like yeah, vanessa’s an antagonist, or an anti-hero i suppose, but she’s still, once again, likeable and mysterious and funny. and the “bring her here again and i’ll fucking shoot you”?? that was probably her first act of true rebellion, aside from telling mike more than she should’ve about the pizzeria.

🐤 mikes arc is a very obvious “let go of the past and learn to cherish the present” which isn’t exactly revolutionary, but i think it’s done quite well though it could be improved a bit. and as much as you think he is an absolute cabbage head for telling them they could have abby for even a second, but you still, once again, get it.

our man’s running on like two hours of sleep and also meds, finally getting to see his baby brother up-close and even touch his face for the first time in probably more than a decade of blaming himself, and then getting told he could go back and see his parents again, the grief over who he probably hasn’t been able to process since he had to take care of abby when they died (possibly even took his own life in the father’s case if he’s supposed to be a henry stand-in like i think and doesn’t that just make it fifty times worse)

and it’s set up that he wants that perfect family back, the kind that he had during his childhood, that abby never got to experience.

and maybe he feels guilty for that. maybe he thinks, in his sleep-deprived and grief-ridden mind, for only a moment, that she would be better off, since she seems to like the animatronics and their ghost children better than him and he still feels like he doesn’t know how to raise a kid.

🐰 speaking of abby, for once Child Character in the horror movie isn’t just there to do some stupid shit for Plot Reasons (cough, The Curse of La Llorona, cough cough). i mean yes, she does go with them at the climax, but she has been given no reason not to trust them and considering the fact that they are other children, it would honestly be more suspicious if she didn’t trust them (also we’ve been shown she doesn’t really have friends before the end, so they’re also her first and only friends, no wonder she’s clinging to them) plus she’s been left alone with the aunt she does not like, possibly still believing mike is abandoning her. you get it.

she’s also very entertaining in her sassiness. like “are you here to arrest my brother?” or “yeah, love you too bro, kinda don’t wanna die tho, can we leave?” literally i can’t stand kids in general, but especially so in in horror movies, but i would give my life for abby.

🦊and the drawing thing? it’s beautiful and sad and really hammers home the fact that these monsters, however scary they have been made by their brutal and cruel deaths, they were, and are, just children who didn’t deserve to die and communicate the same way children like abby do. it also makes abby herself relevant to the plot and actually useful.

🐻and about abby; i have my own Theory there. we know she wasn’t in the picture during Garrett’s disappearance, which means she’s at least twelve years younger than mike. it’s actually quite common for couples who are going through a rough patch to have kids to try to fix it, which i think is what happened here, made even more possible if they also had her as a sort of replacement for Garrett. this, as i said earlier, makes mike’s indecision all the more understandable — if abby doesn’t just look a lot like Garrett, but was actually supposed to be him and would’ve never existed if not for the tragedy.

but that’s Just A Theory. 🐻🐤🐰🦊

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pluckyredhead · 3 months

Note

Did I just read your Super Sons primer from 2020 at 3 am on a Monday morning because I'm having a real normal one? Maybe?! I'm wondering how you feel about how they and their relationship has developed since then. IMO it's... Pretty bleak. 😩

I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT IT. (Also here's the primer for anyone who missed it.)

So I will say that 95% of everything Jon has been in since he got aged up has been hot garbage, but I do think the exception is when Damian is around. But let's take it from the top!

First of all, I don't necessarily think they should de-age him again. Generally speaking I think it's better storytelling to focus on fixing things moving forward, rather than undoing things moving back. Sure, if DC came up with some big cosmic event that reset Jon to 11, I certainly wouldn't complain, but I'd rather see them, uh...do literally anything with Teen Jon that doesn't suck.

But yeah, aging Jon up to begin with still makes me livid because:

I want my baby to have had a childhood.

It's fully character assassination for Lois and Clark. They would NEVER let their 11-year-old go to outer space with a supervillain. Lois would NEVER just abandon him out there, and Clark would NEVER respond with "Well, I'm sure he's fine, wanna have marathon sex?" I honestly have no idea what Bendis or his editor were thinking.

They have not done a single interesting with him since!!!

Putting this behind a cut because it got LONG. Also spoilers for Beast World in there.

I've said this before, but I have to assume that Bendis wanted to age Jon up because he wanted to write a Legion book. But he also in his wisdom decided to bring Kon back into continuity at exactly the same time, which means we have two nearly identical Superboys that DC didn't and still doesn't know what to do with. Kon clearly couldn't have joined the LOSH because he already had a team, but you know what Super teen was available, and not 11, and who has a history with the Legion that goes back almost as long as Clark's? KARA. But I will save that rant for another day.

And honestly, Kara dodged a bullet, because that Legion book was unreadable. Bendis at his most Bendis-y wall of text interrupt-y conversations and no plot. If I give Tom Taylor any credit it's that the second he got his hands on Jon, he torpedoed Jon/Imra as a ship. GOOD.

And when the LOSH book finally went out with a whimper (that JLA/LOSH miniseries! what was that!!!), we entered the Taylor Era. Taylor's quirks are less stylistic and more narrative than Bendis's. You can spot Bendisian dialogue at twenty paces, but a Taylor comic tips its hand when it sets up a really interesting premise or a really high stakes threat and then immediately undercuts it with a little wet fart noise of nothing. To wit:

Jon's starting college! This will be an interesting challenge for him to readjust to normal life after six years in a torture-volcano and an indeterminate amount of time in the future, and also considering he never graduated from sixth grade. I wonder what will - oh no he dropped out after three pages. (He has done NOTHING in his civilian identity since, btw. I guess he's too busy hovering just behind Dick at all times to work on his GED or whatever.)

Jon is going to confront Ultraman! Finally the comics will have to engage with all the trauma he must have - oh no Ultraman's dead.

Jon is trapped in the Injustice Universe! This is a really dangerous universe that might make him question everything he knows about - oh he just lectured everyone and flounced off home.

Beast World is a perfect example. Taylor seems to think that having a hero effortlessly solve a problem makes them look badass, but it's actually the effort that makes them look badass. So like, we spent five months keeping the Kryptonians and other A-class heroes away from the spores because the spores are attracted to power and if a Super got spore'd everyone would be in big trouble...but then in the last issue, they just have Jon fly up to everyone with a spore in them, wait for the spore to jump at him, and catch it? That doesn't make the Titans look smart or Jon look tough. It makes all of them look like idiots because it it was that easy, why didn't they do that in the first place?

On top of that, Taylor doesn't ever really earn relationships. Jon and Jay is the obvious one. Jay has no personality. There's no chemistry between the two characters. Jon might as well be dating a cardboard cutout labeled "Proof of Queerness." (Or "Bernard." Ahem.) But we're supposed to be like, yes, give Tom Taylor a GLAAD award for using queer characters as props, when he's going to turn around and kiss Chuck Dixon's ass on social for being homophobic about Jon? UGH.

Honestly worse for me though is the Jon and Dick relationship. Because Taylor is writing both characters, we're supposed to believe that there's this close mentor-mentee bond there? I don't think they EVER interacted before the Taylor era. (And don't even look at me with that retconned-in scene of Dick finding lost baby Jon. You're telling me that Superman, with his X-ray and telescopic vision, needs to call Bruce and Dick for help finding his own son? Fuck off.)

Anyway it all combines to make basically every Jon appearance for the past three years profoundly unsatisfying. Even the stuff that isn't by Taylor never goes anywhere. Remember when he was jealous of the Super Twins for two panels? And then everyone forgot about it forever? SIGH.

HOWEVER.

However.

If there is one thing that Bendis and Taylor and every other writer got right, it's that Jon is crazy bonkers in love with Damian always and forever. Jon has been written like shit since 2019, but he has also not wavered in his devotion for even one single solitary second.

THE EVIDENCE:

This is the first thing Jon does when he gets back to Earth:

He then tells Damian he's contemplating not joining the Legion because he'll have to leave Damian behind. Damian tells him to go and then come get him if it's cool.

Turns out the Legion is cool. Jon comes and gets Damian. The Legion isn't happy about it and Jon threatens to leave if Damian can't stay, while gazing adoringly at Damian's unconscious body cradled in his arms:

Eventually LOSH is canceled and Jon comes home and starts following Damian around by listening for his heartbeat. LIKE PALS DO!

Then Damian gives him a pep talk!

Then there's this ABSOLUTE CUDDLE:

The way Damian nuzzles into Jon's shoulder! Can you even stand it!

And then there's this:

The climax of Son of Kal-El, btw, is one of the several times Jon is saved by Damian and confides in Damian and turns to Damian for comfort or advice...and Jay is just sort of standing there off to the side. I am fully aware I have ship goggles on but the degree of emotional investment Jon has in these relationships is not the same.

Then they had a special issue teamup:

Then we got Dark Crisis, and I actually love this interaction between them, because they are very different people with very different upbringings and this feels extremely in character to me for how they would both handle the loss of their fathers:

But even when they disagree, they still instantly support each other. Jon comes back with information? Damian makes a plan:

Also, we got the 2022 Pride issue where Jon, Jay, and Damian go to Pride together. I know that story is...contentious...but leave me here with Damian sulking while Jon and Jay kiss, okay?

Then we get Adventures of Superman, which is objectively awful, but Jon does spend his whole time in the Injustice universe thinking about Damian like the seagulls in Finding Nemo saying "Mine? Mine? Mine?"

This whole arc is truly hilarious. Jon finds out that Damian accidentally killed Dick and his response is to a) go find Batman and yell at him for not supporting Damian enough for accidentally killing Dick, and then b) go find Damian to be like "Wow, that must have been really hard for you (accidentally killing Dick)." There's being ride or die for your BFF, and then there's whatever the fuck Jon has going on.

(Meanwhile there's an incredibly uncomfortable scene with him and Injustice Jay where Jay "tests" him by trying to get Jon to cheat on regular Jay. So. That happens.)

And then just this past month we got Nightwing #110, where we learn that Jon is still listening to Damian's heart:

He completely freaks out watching Damian in danger, and immediately intervenes when it looks like Damian is about to kill someone because he knows what matters the most to Damian. Also, this happens:

YOU WIN THIS ONE, TAYLOR.

AND THEN THEY BICKER I LOVE IT WHEN THEY BICKER:

AND THEN DAMIAN LETS HIMSELF BE VULNERABLE BY ASKING JON IF HE HURT ANYONE WHILE HE WAS A KITTY, AND JON GIVES YET ANOTHER SPEECH ABOUT HOW DAMIAN HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG EVER, IN HIS LIFE, AND DAMIAN STAGGERS OFF, LEANING ON JON.

This isn't even getting into the Trinity backup stories in Wonder Woman, which, like...Tom King is not valid but Jon and Damian are such an old married couple in them? It's truly incredible?

It took me like 45 minutes to parse Jon's line here as the general 'you" and not specifically Jon saying Damian wasn't straight. But like..."That's for straight people, which has nothing to do with us" is a hell of a thing to say, Jonathan.

I ALSO haven't even talked about DCeased because it's a different universe, but! Jon sitting with Damian while he dies??? MY HEART.

IN CONCLUSION:

Yes, they should never have aged up Jon.

Yes, most of his appearances since have been terrible and bland.

But OH BOY, do he and Damian remain in love.

#jon kent #superboy #damian wayne #robin #meta

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stuckinapril · 6 months

Note

Hi Cianna, just wanted to say I really admire your study ethic and general vibe on this blog (you inspire me to do better!)

Do you have any advice/tips for good study habits and staying focused? I find that I get some work done, but after a break I can't get back on track

Sorry for the long ask/ studyblr type of question;; what is your favourite hairstyle that you do with your hair! (I also have curly brown hair :)

Have a lovely day also <3

🌻🌻

hi! i touch on a lot of points in this other ask, but a few specific learning techniques i abide by are:

parkinson's law. parkinson's law states that work expands to fill the time. basically if you have an essay that's due in a week, it will magically take you one week to get it done, even if the task itself could've been done in one day. to counter this i just set artifical deadlines for myself--even if an essay is due in a week, my personal deadline has it due in two days.

prime your brain prior to learning. if you need to study a biology chapter, pre-skim it the night before. this is not the time to go into detail--it's the time to familiarize yourself with the overview of the topic, so you should only be making a quick scan of the chapter. another priming method is to make a concept map of topics before diving into a chapter. as you skim write down key terms haphazardly, google those you don't recognize, and draw a concept map linking them together. this is effective bc it requires you to actually put effort into connecting the topics, takes no longer than 15 minutes, and speeds up the learning process that follows. it doesn't matter if you find out you're wrong once you dive in; what's important is you're actively thinking of how these topics coexist, as opposed to mindlessly taking notes or highlighting only to forget what you learned a couple hours later. i'm also a fan of concept maps bc i get to go back and highlight stuff i'm weak in, which is always a plus.

if you like to take notes, use it as another means of active recall. don't just passively take notes as you go along. what i like to do is i read a paragraph, close the book, then try to take down notes based off memory alone. this helps me both phrase the topic in my own words and realize what my learning gaps are, rather than just passively summarize without putting effort into truly understanding/memorizing something. anything i get wrong i hammer into my brain until i can't get it wrong anymore.

take notes effectively. our brain does not learn in sentences and paragraphs. it learns in bullet points, diagrams, and figures--and that's how i like to frame my notes. first i ask myself if i actually need to take notes to begin with, or if there are online notes out there i can use to save time (which, as a stem student, there typically are). if i do decide to take notes, i never mindlessly summarize. i always condense the material into bullet points, diagrams, concept maps, or visual representations. i also like to phrase my notes as questions rather than just passive summaries, so that when i review them i'm already testing myself in a way. most people would not understand my notes bc they're either very low-yield stuff, stuff i'm weak in, or bare-bones fragments of information.

always prioritize weaknesses. if you're weaker at chapter 18 of your textbook vs chapter 1, maybe start with chapter 18. don't spend 6 hours taking notes on chapter 1 if you're already strong in chapter 1. always attack your weaknesses first.

practice practice practice!! so so important. i owe all my As to mock exams, quizzes i make myself, end-of-chapter questions etc etc. imo practice matters a lot more than passive content review.

interleaving concepts helps with retention. an example of this is i like to do biology and chemistry one day, biochemistry and organic chemistry the next day, physics and psychology the day after... i'm not just doing biology all day, every day. another thing i like to do if i'm in a massive rut is i hop between tons of different subjects on the same day, which keeps me from getting bored/helps me understand the subjects better through distinguishing their differences.

retrospective timetable. an example of this is if i find i'm pretty weak in a particular physics topic, the next few days will disproportionately focus on physics over other subjects. inversely, if i just breezed through a biology chapter, the next few days will have less biology than initially planned. i'm constantly going back and revising my study timetable based on my performance of the day, rather than relying on a rigid prospective timetable that doesn't take into account my progress.

less passive learning, more active. spaced repetition is a big one. i love anki for this bc there's an algorithm that dictates how often topics come up again based on how well you answer them. other methods include active recall, having friends quiz you, and trying to teach the topic to others (or the plushie in your bedroom haha). if you find you're struggling to simplify topics and explain them, that's a sign you don't understand them very well yourself.

#haha no worries <3 answering these asks helps ground me too so it's a pretty symbiotic relationship #and i'm always happy to help!! good luck :)#study tips #ask

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zmickmilk · 2 months

Text

Ur having a laugh right.

ME AND MY HUSBAND IS NOT SOME HAPPY LOVE SONG. And as much as I love love love mitski you really think MICKEY MILKOVICH is putting her on ?

GONNA EXSPLAIN WHY THIS IS WRONG NOW.

'Me and my husband' can ofc like all songs be interpreted differently. I'm gonna explain the interpretation I most strongly agree with (this is also from what I've seen is a pretty common interpretation). I'll also talk about how it doesn't relate to gallavich.

It starts with a heavy sigh. Straight away, you get a tired and negative feeling from the song. This alone is enough (imo) to tell that this isn't gallaviche's song because in what world would either of them start talking about their husband with a sigh? Mickey and Ians' relationship is the strongest it has ever been once they married. If anything, they should be having a sigh of relief because they finally get to be together.

Although the instrumentals are rather upbeat, the lyrics carry a sombre tone. "So I bet all that I have on that furrowed brow" comes to mind straight away. You have furrowed brows when ur angry, maybe upset/confused. One of her husbands noticeable traits is a thing of negative connotations. You could see this as a hint to her husband being abusive. Neither Ian nor mickey are abusive, so would not fit this role within the song.

These lines come across as almost desperate. Sure, you could see this as her lighting up as she sees her love, but to me, it's more than that. She feels helpless when he's not around. She only have value when her husband is with her / she needs her husband to feel validated and worth something. Maybe she's nothing but she has her husbands loves and she desperately hangs on to that to feel for herself. Mickey and Ian don't have that dynamic. They are both self-assured people by themselves.

To me this song feels like she is clinging to a relationship because she doesn't feel sustained by herself. She's trapped chasing the feeling of being loved. It has this undertone of "yeah he doesn't always treat me right but I've been with him so long ik he loves me in their somewhere and I am nothing without him so I'll stay" feeling to it. Its almost like she's been broken down by her husband so that see needs him and sees she's that but not enough to leave.

The slight repetition of "we're sticking together " affirms this for me. She's tired from start to finish trying to convince herself to hold out hope that her marriage can change. She can still be loved by him.

"At least in this lifetime" is a way of showing that she doesn't really want this. In another life, she would rather leave. Maybe she's scared to leave, and she's waiting for another life for the courage. Does any of this song like gallavich to you? Gallavich are desperate, sure, but they are desperate to finally be able to show love, not receive it.

Saying mickey relates to this song would be trying to say that he feels like nothing when Ian isn't around. The idea that mickey is only a love interest is irritating enough as it and u think he sees himself that way too?? I know mickey would get this song more than surface level. I mean, the man was a radiohead fan as a teenager. So, no, I don't think he relates to it.

I think if any relationship fit this song, it would be mandy and Lip.

This was super yappy, but I'm not all that concerned. Listened to me ans my husband on repeat while writing this

#dont try disagree with me plz ;p #this is so unorganised #IM SORRY #dont shame my writing skills guys #shameless us #mickey milkovich #mitski lyrics #mitski #ian gallagher #gallavich #mickey and ian #me and my husband #is always my top song so im very qualified #and didn't mitski say something about it being sad ??

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guerrillateezsworld · 11 months

Text

dating gustav schäfer headcannons

sfw and nsfw!! minors dni please. obviously it’s your media consumption but it’s not my fault it you get disgusted, you know what you’re getting yourself into.

THIS IS IN NO WAY ACCURATE AT ALL. I DO NOT KNOW HIM PERSONALLY (even tho it’d be nice lmfao) AND THIS IS JUST PURELY IMAGINATION. THIS IS PURELY FAN-FICTION!!!

—————————

sfw~~~

-not the biggest on pda but he will still kiss you, hug you, etc.

-tries to not get caught kissing you by paparazzi

-very affectionate in private.

-whenever he has free time, he’ll either take you shopping or spend time with you at your house

-hates when the boys check you out (you’re just too hot🙄)

-calls you every night. and i mean every night

-he lets you wear whatever you want BUT gets upset when others look at you and he doesn’t really prefer it but it’s none of his business and he knows it’s wrong to control you

-he loves when you give him massages. especially after a long day of being out and about

-his fav pet name to call you is darling or honey, don’t ask why.

-hates being away from you for too long and always insists you come with him on tours

-won’t leave you alone when he wants attention

-when in interviews, he always gets flustered when they ask about you. he just loves you so much

-buys you anything, and i mean anything, no matter how expensive or stupid it is

-your family loves him and his family loves you

-when you guys first started dating, he would be so shy to even look your way or hold hands. he’s so precious

-he always makes sure your personal life is out of the way from paparazzi the best he can, he just wants you to be safe

-cuddles. YES. he fucking loves cuddles

————————————————————————

nsfw~~

-imo, he’s a switch-leaning dom. +plus he’s a very soft dom but he’s not afraid to show you who you belong to

-IF. IF you ask him to sub, he wouldn’t have a problem with it since he’s a switch

-when he subs, PRAISE HIM NOWWWW, he deserves it for being such a good boy

-AFTERCARE IS A MUST. no matter how tired he is, he takes care of your needs first.

-prefers giving oral rather than receiving but he still loves receiving it. he will never turn the offer down

-definitely has a praise kink + degrading kink. he likes praising you and you praising him. mainly uses the degrading kink on you rather than you using it on him

-other kinks include: daddy kink when he’s dominant with you, mommy when you’re dominant with him (as long as you’re comfortable with both of them), spanking IM SORRY, orgasm denial (goes both ways. it just turns him on so much), nipple play idk why, choking (not too hard, basically just his hand sitting around your neck).

-honestly i feel like he REALLY like to use toys on you tbh. it just makes him feel like he’s in so much control

-his favorite positions are doggy, cowgirl, and missionary

-he prefers to fuck in the bedroom

-SIZE KINK IM SORRY❤️❤️

-he loves soft sex but that doesn’t mean he won’t go rough

-gets jealous easily, idk way. he’s just too sweet and precious for that

-GIVE.HIM.HEAD.PLEASE OMG HE’D DO ANYTHING

-when fucking, he loves putting his hand over your mouth💔💔

-also when fucking, he’ll put his hand around your throat too, just to be extra

OKAY YALL.

thats all i feel like i can write 💔💔 pls help

but anyways i really, really, really hope you enjoyed it.

#fluff #gustav schäfer #pop #post*guerillateezsworld #rock #smut #tokio hotel #gustav schäfer x reader #gustav schäfer smut #tokio hotel smut #pookie fr

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junnieverse · 6 months

Text

LOVE IS EMBARRASSING ➳ K. SUNOO

➙ synopsis: you felt like a complete fool. you told everyone he was 'the one' but seeing sunoo with someone else hit you like a truck. it was humiliating having to deal with the fact that you so easily fell for him and yet he had his eyes set on someone else. you knew you had to let him go and yet you were still holding on onto false hope.

pairing: kim sunoo x fem!reader (but i'm sure it's gn imo as far as I am concerned)

genre: angst, unrequited love au

word count: 1.6k

warnings: not proofread, reader cries, reader self hating, just alot of hurt

a/n: here is the next update. I haven't been writing much due to my final exams but I hope you still like this though :)

— GUTS X ENHYPEN SERIES MASTERLIST !

"Are you still waiting on him to call you?" you hear your roommate ask as she catches you checking your phone every few minutes as you laid sprawled across your bed.

Not that you wanted to admit it but it was true.

It had been a week or so since Sunoo had last spoken to you and asked for you to give him some 'space'.

It was more than obvious this was just his way of trying to get you to back off but on the other hand you wanted to think of this in a more positive light and assume he was simply busy in his own personal life.

"No, not at all. Sunoo isn't ignoring me or anything. He just has an extremely busy and demanding life." you try to defend not only yourself but try to excuse Sunoo's poor behaviour.

For hours and days you waited for some sort of communication from Sunoo and got nothing, you really were a fool.

Kim Sunoo was a close friend of yours you had been introduced to at school when you both joined the drama club at your college and his bright smile and pretty eyes instantly won you over.

It didn't take long for you to realise that you were deeply infatuated by the guy and slowly but surely, you were also falling in love with him too.

"I think he's the one." you admit to your best friend sitting on the bleachers watching Sunoo play rugby with a group of his friends and you hear her burst out in laughter to your statement leaving you puzzled.

"What's so funny?" you ask her as she calms down from her laughing.

"You haven't even known Sunoo for that long and you are so sure that this is end game? He'll you haven't even went out on a single date with him." she tells you factually not believing what you had just said but you nod in response to her previous question admiring as he played down by the field.

"Yeah I do think it's end game. How long I've known him or the fact that we haven't gone on a date doesn't matter, what does is I can definitely see myself walking down the aisle with him having the picture perfect wedding." you say confidently taking a sip of your drink.

It may have sounded incredibly delusional but you could really see it, Sunoo was everything you wanted in a partner and you were smitten to the point of imagining the possibility of tying the knot with him.

As if having heard you talking about him, Sunoo lifts his head up meeting your gaze before flashing his bright smile and throwing a friendly wave at you as you shyly waved back.

He truly seemed perfect in your eyes at the beginning, but you also knew Sunoo was unattainable.

He had been in an on and off relationship with a past lover of his and even when they weren't together, you could tell Sunoo wasn't completely over his ex either.

Although you didn't want that to stop you from still pursuing him.

You thought building a friendship with Sunoo first was a step in the right direction to getting to know him and before you knew it, you were a close friend in his group of friends, a confidant to him.

He could always turn to you even with his own relationship problems because it was just a friendship basis between the two of you… right?

Because of this, you somehow put your feelings on the back burner always being at Sunoo's beck and call for the days he wanted to celebrate with a few drinks because he got back together with his ex girlfriend, to the rainy nights he cried into your shoulder because they had yet again broken up and she had a new boyfriend.

You thought that just maybe through everything you had been through always being by his side, that just maybe Sunoo would finally notice you as more than just a friend he can go to after a rough patch with his ex.

You had finally mustered up the courage to confess to him at a party his friend was hosting but soon backed out last minute out of fear of rejection although later that very same night after a few drinks, you ended up telling Sunoo you liked him to which he simply thought you were too drunk and talking nonsense.

It had been a few days since that happened and you were too embarrassed to face Sunoo but you knew you would have to clear the air and reconfirm your feelings in a sober state and talking to Sunoo was your biggest priority at that moment.

Making your way to the music room where you had been informed he was, you take a deep breath stepping closer to the door as you heard the faint sound of Sunoo's voice and another girl laughing.

Peeping through the slightly open door you notice Sunoo sitting by the piano with his now ex girlfriend as they played the instrument together.

Watching the two, your eyes start filling up with tears and suddenly his ex now has her hand on his face pulling Sunoo closer as they shared an intimate kiss.

You felt your legs weaken as a soft gasp escaped your lips witnessing the scene in front of you but also capturing the attention of the two. Before they could notice you, with the little strength you had left, you ran to the nearest bathroom, locking yourself in the stall as you were crying as your chest ached.

You felt incredibly embarrassed as of right now, but more than ever, you felt hurt.

This was all so stupid, YOU felt stupid too!

For months you tried to express yourself and your feelings so vulnerably but it felt like you were talking to a wall.

Maybe you just weren't good enough for him… that no matter how much you sacrificed of yourself you still wouldn't be pretty, smart or good enough for Sunoo.

You were losing so much of yourself for him but no matter how much you gave up… you would only end up coming back to him.

Yes, Sunoo knew about your feelings for him but despite having confessed (drunkenly), it felt like he was slowly starting to push you away.

You felt like a fool for trying so hard to win someone over knowing very well his heart belonged to someone else but you still held onto this little grain of hope that maybe he could come around and realise he had to move on (and preferably to you).

You had tried to move on yourself as well, anything to distract you from Sunoo.

From join other clubs to even getting a 'second-string' weirdo to try forget about the unrequited love but to no avail. Even blatantly avoiding him worked against your favour when he came looking for you.

"Hey, (Y/n)! I haven't seen you in awhile, I almost thought you were avoiding me." Sunoo stops you in the hallway as he jokingly adds on that last part expecting you to laugh along to which you hadn't.

"I've just been busy I guess… see you another time." you respond blandly not even looking up at him.

Before you could turn around and take your leave Sunoo gently grabbed on your wrist stopping you from leaving as he quickly detected something was wrong.

"Are you okay? You've never-" he asks before you cut him off reassuring him you were perfectly fine as you managed to get your hand out of his grip.

"Are you sure? I can-" he double checks trying to look into your eyes as you still avoided eye contact.

"Sunoo please… please just stop okay. Everything between us is so confusing and I'm the one left hurting. One minute you act all sweet and caring around me then the next you need 'space' away from me and don't talk to me for weeks. I feel like a measly second option to you and it's so embarrassing. You know how i feel about you and you still haven't expressed how you feel, you just go back to talking to me like nothing happened at all when there's been this big elephant in the room. I don't want to just keep being the person you go to when you cry over your ex, I wanted to be yours but clearly we aren't on the same page with that." you let out holding back your tears.

All of this had been weighing heavily on your chest and finally being able to tell him felt like you no longer carried any burdens.

Sunoo on the other hand stood quietly in front of you looking down seemingly taking in what you had said.

Everything was starting to hit him and the guilt was seeping in too.

All this time he knew how you felt about him but he only put up a wall and avoided confronting the situation because he knew he still was too invested in his relationship with his ex.

"I-" Sunoo croaks out but was stopped by your words.

"Maybe this time I need some space from you." you say coldly as you looked him straight in the eye before turning around and leaving to go to your next class.

Breaking the strong facade after being out of his sight, you wipe the tear running down your cheek before shortly looking back then continuing on your way.

Love was a lot of things.

It could be a crazy adventure, a sweet dream, a heartbreaking experience and an intense whirlwind for some.

But love sure was just downright embarrassing for you.

SERIES TAGLIST: @enhastolemyheart @jungwonscafe @firstclassjaylee @bahiyyihina

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moonschocolate · 4 months

Text

Tom Riddle headcanons!!

because lately i've been thinking about this tragic little human <3

tw: mention of torture as a topic

first of all I wanted to clarify that in this there's no Voldemort, no interest in practicing dark magic, just a teen who goes to Hogwarts soo... :)

proud slytherin. no matter how much other people can say 'slytherin = bad' he just doesn't care, he will not argue with you if you think or say that cause he will find it pointless

I don't now where I read this, but if I'll find it I will tag the person who said this before me: he has autism!!

which means he is not a very social person, and he has little/no friends

and he is deeply attached to an object/topic

the topic in question is dark magic

he doesnt want to practice it, he just finds the whole thing interesting

which deeply concerns professors

he knows everything. about horcruxes, the three unforgivable curses, origin and all

he simply thinks that knowledge is knowledge

IF HE READS?!?! OH DAMN

i strongly believe he has one hell of a library in his dorm

the most dramatic myths ever? knows them

he's just a nerd

read books about t0rture, c0mmunism, n@zism, because knowledge is knowledge

also reads light books of course i dont want to scare you

maths is not his thing

like yes he's good at it but he doesnt really care

did i say hes dramatic?

and an absolute pessimist

since i do not believe that his hair is like that just because it is, he HAS to have a hair routine (DROP IT TOM)

has an infinite collection of bookmarks

no person is allowed to touch his books

doesnt write on books even with pencils

listens to DRAMATIC classical music

EXAMPLE

(also y'all have to teach me how to put spotify songs with the blue rectangle cuz i dont have a clue on how)

JUST THE START

Idk it reminds me of him (and regulus but this is not about him)

this goes against the fact that he's dramatic, but i think that in a relationship he would be a good-old fashioned lover boy

flowers, love letters, POEMS, kissing in the rain, handing you his jacket when you're cold

and of course he wears suits

NOT a sports kid

mf doesn't know a single sport

he just learned how to swim

that's it

is defo the kind of person who is SOSOSOSOSO SKINNY

He's skeptical af on food

like i believe he's a picky eater

and i dont think he eats a lot

like he will go through the day with some coffees, some water, breakfast and a snack in the afternoon

is always gentle doing anything

when he's mad he's even more mad that he can't throw anything because then he would be even more angry that it got broken

has NO PHYSICAL FORCE AT ALL

Like his arms are spaghetti

im sorry but imo he's short

like 1.70 cm (5'5''-5'6'')

which is not really short

I CANT SEE HIM AS A TALL BEING

will not admit it but hates the sea

like as long as he can reach with his feet the "land" below then it's no problem

if he can't he'll try to act cool and say he's tired and immediately get out of the sea

it gives him a sense of pure confusion because he doesnt know what he could run into

which annoys him

because when he cant know something it hurts him physically emotionally psychologically

he knows plenty of languages

english, french, latin, russian and german

why?

because it's cool

also knows how to play the piano and the flute and the viola

"never judge a book by its cover" he does exactly the opposite

especially with books he judges the book by the cover, if he likes the cover he'll like the book too

and people can gain his interest only at first sight

he hates how lots of people can easily change their opinions as long as their group/loved ones have a different opinion

or how people always follow the crowd

people who judge mudbloods just because they're mudbloods are too stupid for him

i think we all know that he is THE teachers' pet

he's the Hermione of his generation

which means that while there are plenty of people with their hands raised the only one who will be listened to is tom

is a MANIAC in cleaning

his bed and his overall room is always tidy af

he hates getting his uniform dirty

he has plenty of nightmares about his past

which he never talks about with anyone

is the kind of person to have 4 or 5 cats

he is absolutely quiet

i got a strong feeling that this man was bullied before hogwarts at the orphanage

he has a cute little stuffed animal in really bad shape which he has from his years at the orphanage and it's hidden at the end of his wardrobe

he strongly despises children because he doesn't have a clue how to deal with them

acts like he has patience

lacks patience

in a modern au, the only thing he'd have going to school would be a black pen

not because he didnt care or was too lazy to get other things but because he didnt find having 3985729947 pens and highliters necessary

dada would be boring for him because out of curiosity he would've already learned most of the spells or wtv

i dont remember if i said it but quidditch is NOT something he likes

or just flying on a broom in general

(remus lupin behavior)

(I had to say it)

studying consists in him burying his face in the books for like 4 or 5 hours straight (my man has some serious issues)

you could tell im completely delusional because he became a killer and nothing's good-old fashioned lover boy about canon him but oh well🥰

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not-a-space-alien · 2 months

Text

K&J x MMSS 4: Valen & Jim Part 9

Part nine of the fourth crossover with @whumpsday!

Sorry I've been slow getting these out--I've been suffering some writer's block due to some personal stuff I've got going on IRL. I'll admit that I'll probably be putting a liiiitle less effort into polishing the crossover fics from hereon out, but we got a lot of enthusiasm for them so I'm going to keep them coming even if they're a bit messy! There's still a lot of fun stuff in there imo :)

Also this ch is pretty long just because I couldn't find a good place for a chapter break!

K&J masterlist

MMSS masterlist

K&J x MMSS crossover masterlist

To be added to the taglist, contact @whumpsday

Warnings: Capture, dehumanization, nonconsentual bondage/restraint, gag/muzzle, mentions of rape and torture

In this chapter: Valen's fear of getting hatecrimed creeps towards plausibility, but even moving doesn't save Valen from an unexpected nightmare. Luckily this time, he has people looking for him.

***

It's unheard of for anyone to escape vampire territory after years of captivity, and a pretty big shock that another vampire helped him do it. Though it doesn't garner quite the response an inspirational solo escape story might, it's still an incredible tale of something really unusual and an unlikely alliance between humans and vampires, and the media eats it up. Jim does do several interviews about it, wearing the turtlenecks that have recently become his regular wear.

He's purposely vague about Valen, knowing that he doesn't want to be in the limelight. He doesn't even mention him by name. He doesn't mention Kane or any other vampire by name either, worried about Kane being able to find him somehow if he got access to human media. He's given a writer permission to write a book about his experience. She's not pushy like a lot of other journalists, and is intent on getting it right.

Life goes on. Jim helps Valen collect mushrooms. He goes vegetarian. Liz is back to patrolling. Liz makes Jim try therapy, but his preferred method of dealing with it is thinking about it as little as possible, so he drops it fairly early on. Talking with the writer is already pushing it.

Reporters will sometimes come to their house. Valen is thrown into anxious spirals every time, terrified there’s going to be an incident. But the visits die down over the first half a year. Jim doesn't reveal that Valen is living with him, but it's figured out anyway. People who know Liz and see her change from constant anger and depression to actually having some life back in her are grateful to Valen. But many people who don't know Jim and Liz are more hostile: this is an area where a lot of people have been affected by vampire attacks, to boot. They're getting left angry notes.

Valen goes out with Jim during the day, since Jim is still nervous about leaving the house at night. Valen is also nervous about leaving the house, so he doesn’t go to human stores or anything. He either asks Jim to get him things, or goes back to vampire territory and just nervously looks over his shoulder for anyone from the Kithrara estate.

He goes out to get mushrooms, though. He keeps working on his project. He avoids the media, unless someone contacts him directly and is really polite. If humans approach him, he's very polite and doesn't dodge them, but he does excuse himself before too long. He's not antisocial, but he is shy. He likes spending time with Laken, Liz, and Jim, and will socialize with people they deem safe.

One day, Jim and Valen are getting ready to go gather mushrooms while Liz is fast asleep. It's getting hotter out now in the summer. Jim tosses Valen the keys to his car, since Valen is already ready to go. "Hey, can you start the AC running so we don't cook in there while I finish getting dressed? If you're cool with that."

"Sure thing, Jim, dear." He secures his mask to his face, doublechecking that he's completely covered, and heads out, approaching the car in the driveway to unlock it and turn it on.

A man and woman are chatting idly while walking their dog on the other side of the street. When Valen comes out, the man hands the leash to the woman and encourages her to go home, crossing the street and approaching while she leaves.

"Hey!" he calls, looking pissed-off. "It's bad enough there's a vampire in our neighborhood being supervised, now you're out in broad daylight on your own?!"

Valen stops in his tracks and starts to back away. "I apologize, sir, I'm not doing anything nefarious. My-my associate is coming out shortly."

"Yeah, yeah, you saved the Lieberman kid. Well guess what, he's not the only one who lives here! You're scaring my wife, my kids won't play outside anymore!" He pushes Valen.

Valen stumbles back, scrambling back towards the house. "I-I assure you I pose no threat to your family, sir, I've done n-nothing to pose a threat to them."

"You're a fucking vampire! You being here is a threat! Thought the hunters were supposed to protect us!"

Jim comes downstairs shortly, pushing the door open. "Hey, what's going on?"

"Keep that thing on a leash." The man spits and walks off.

"F-fuck off!" Jim shouts, but it loses its impact since the man is already leaving and Jim's voice always wavers when saying anything defiant. He runs to Valen, hugging him. "Are you okay?"

Valen's face is downcast, eyes on the ground. "Um...Yes, I'm not, I wasn't in any physical danger..." He sounds extremely disheartened. "That man said his wife and children are afraid of me. I-I wanted to say he should let me speak to them, so they could see there's no danger, but I doubt that would have been very well received."

"That's not the kind of okay I mean." Jim sighs. "I've been kinda... thinking. That maybe we should move or something. Somewhere more secluded, where you wouldn't have to worry about shit like that. Not too far away from Liz obviously, but y'know. How would you feel about that?"

Valen rubs his arm. "That's probably for the best...but it feels bad they won't even give me a chance. Is there really nothing I can do to win them over?"

"Prolly some people, but not all. Some people are always gonna have their heads in the sand." Jim wonders if his parents would've approved of him and Valen. He's pretty sure they would- Valen brought him back, after all, and they were wonderful loving people, but he can't know for sure. They hated vampires. He doesn't even know for sure if they'd approve of him being gay. He never got a chance to ask.

"You don't need that asshole's approval. I was thinking we could wait 'til the book comes out, Mindy said it'll only be a few more months. And then we could use money from that to find a place. Or we could use some of the stuff you took from Priscus, if you wanted to do it sooner, but that's your call."

Valen still seems downcast. He wants to try and show everyone who he really is, but there is no way to do it without putting himself at risk and making everyone even more uncomfortable.

They end up buying the house and moving sooner rather than later, when Jim finds Valen crying over the latest hatemail he's received one too many times. When he starts being too afraid to leave the house even at night, that's how he knows it's time to go.

Moving is easy with Valen's superior strength and Liz's truck. The house isn't huge, but it's nice and cozy, and it has a basement with no windows. Valen doesn't expect Jim to want to be down there at all, but it's nice to know it's an option if Valen ever wants to rest somewhere where there's no chance the sun can get him.

***

Their life there is cozy, until one day Valen doesn't come home.

Jim freaks out fast. Valen doesn't ever just not come home. And when Jim didn't come home, it was the worst thing that ever happened to him- even though it led to meeting Valen, one of the best.

He calls Liz first, of course. She has connections with other hunters, and the first thing he wants to rule out is that Valen's been killed. The worst-case scenario, and unfortunately, what he thinks is the most likely one. He can't stop crying. He wants to go to Liz, but he doesn't. He has to be home if Valen comes back.

Liz calls around, asking if anyone in various branches have seen a vampire matching Valen's description in the last day. The last two days. The last three days. She ends up on the phone with the director of a branch a day-trip away, who finally confirms that Valen has been seen. And he's alive. He's been captured, and he's being... experimented on for weapons testing.

Liz informs the director who Valen is, and politely asks to please let them pick Valen up today.

"I'm sympathetic to your story, but are you quite sure this merits release?" the director asks her. "Live capture of vampires is quite a difficult feat."

Liz's heart pounds. There's no way she's leaving Valen there, but it would be a lot easier if he'd hand him over. "He's never hurt a human in his life. The opposite, he's actively saved a human from capture. He's accompanied me or my partner on hunts on a few occasions, when one of us was out of commission. He's working on synthesizing artificial blood vampires can live off of out of mushrooms. Hell, he's an innocent person. Those should all... merit release, right?" She's trying really hard not to blow up on him.

The director puts her on hold. Then, a few minutes later, he asks if he can call her back, because he needs to discuss it with some other people in the branch.

"Yeah, of course. I'll- I'll be here. Please call back."

Liz calls Jim immediately- she doesn't stay on the line long, giving a quick summary and a location, wanting to keep the line open for when the director calls. Jim is on his way the second Liz gives him the info, gathering two blood packs and a spare change of full-coverage clothes and a mask in case Valen's own have been compromised. He needs to get there right now. He needs to save Valen.

He doesn't know whether he'll get there to people willing to give Valen back, or hostile hunters refusing to. He can't stop crying, hasn't been able to stop crying for days, but now it's making driving harder. Despite it, he goes as fast as he can.

The director calls back a while later--an annoyingly, stupidly long time later--and he says that he's talked to some people from Liz's branch of the hunter's guild. There is plenty of anecdotal evidence that Valen is not dangerous--but there are also testimonies from neighbors who lived in concern for their safety for quite a long time, and the director says that he has an obligation to protect the innocent people whose safety he has been entrusted with and can find no strong basis on which to support the release of this vampire. He does say that Liz is free to appeal, which would start the process of gathering a committee to draft a resolution outlining under what circumstances a vampire can be released, since this is such a rare issue and there is no precedent for how to handle it.

Liz wants to pull her hair out. "Valen doesn't- he hasn't been neighbors with those people for years. He moved away when the concerns were initially raised. He keeps away from humans. But, yeah," Her voice breaks. This is the second time someone she loves has been kidnapped. "I wanna start an appeal. Can you at least just... not hurt him? He hasn't done anything. Please."

The director puts her on hold again. Then when he comes back: "I've phoned the hunter's base where he is and told them not to start any new experiments. Thank you for your patience through this irregular situation."

"Thank you." She doesn't want to thank the bastard who approved Valen's torture, but being cordial to this man is now the most important thing. "Um, one more thing. My brother, he and Valen are, obviously close. He's kind of already on his way. Can you at least let him see Valen?"

The director hems and haws. "I suppose that should be all right, as long as it's supervised."

"Thank you. Please keep me updated."

Jim arrives a few hours later. The things he brought are stuffed in his backpack, and he knocks hard and fast on the door until someone opens it. His eyes are red and puffy. When someone opens it, he cries, "Please don't hurt Valen! Please, he didn't do anything, please let him go!" before the other person can get a word in.

The person who answers is a gruff-looking woman with spiked hair. She opens the door, is yelled at for a few seconds, and then looks bewildered. "Wha- Who are you?"

"My name's Jim Lieberman. Please. He didn't do anything, please let him go." Jim begs. "I swear to god, Valen is the kindest, most harmless person on earth, human or vampire. Please."

She huffs. "Ah, shit. Okay. All right." She opens the door and lets Jim in. "Lex!" she calls into the building. Her leg is in a boot, and she drags it across the floor into the next room, where another woman with bandages over her nose is sitting on a couch. "Lex, I knew something was up with that fucking vampire. Listen to what this guy is saying."

"I'm Jim Lieberman, Valen, the, the vampire you- kidnapped-" He's on the verge of tears, again. "He saved me. And he's never hurt anyone, ever. Please, you can't just- this is supposed to be what hunters are against. Kidnapping random innocent people. Please, where is he?"

Lex's face falls. "Oh my god. Okay." She stands up and comes over. "I'm sorry, Jim, we--We thought something was strange, so we brought him back alive, but then Nick wormed his way into the situation. Has anyone talked to the director about this?"

"Fuck the director," Ari says. "I'm making an executive decision of fuck the director." She walks to the basement door with an unsteady gait and turns the knob, opening the door. "He's downstairs." Through the now-open door, Jim can hear Valen sobbing miserably and wordlessly calling out hysterically.

Jim runs down the stairs and straight to the horrible fucking cage with the love of his life inside. "Valen!" he sobs, tears spilling over again. "It's, it's gonna be okay, I'm here, I've gotcha."

Valen's tear-stained face breaks into an expression of relief at seeing Jim, and he sticks his hands through the bars as far as they'll go before the chains stop him. He is topless, wearing a muzzle, and already covered in burn marks.

There's a man at a desk catty-corner to the cage with the hysterical vampire inside of it. He looks up, irritated, as Jim enters. "And what do you think you're doing?"

Jim takes Valen's hands in his, holding them tight. "I'm taking him home. You- you need to let him go. Please." He takes a shuddering breath and repeats his story that worked on the hunters upstairs. "My name is Jim Lieberman. This is Valen, the vampire who saved me from spending my life as a bloodbag." He's so much more than that. "He's never hurt anyone. You're torturing an innocent person. Please fucking let him out of this thing."

"This creature is capable of killing me with a word. I think it will be staying right where it is."

Valen lets out a pitiful whine and tugs on Jim's hand.

There's a clomping sound on the stairs, and Ari appears coming down. "You're so full of shit, Nick. You're not even the one who got your ass beat bringing that thing here. We didn't take him here for you to play with, we wanted answers, and you're done dodging the issue."

Nick looks stormy.

Jim keeps holding Valen's hands. "He's not a thing or an it! Stop treating him like he's not a person! Of, of course he fought back, Valen wouldn't hurt a fly even if someone was screaming in his face, you were kidnapping him! Wouldn't you fight back? If you were him?" He looks up at the spiky-haired woman tearily. "Please help. Please let me take him home. Please, I love him."

Ari sighs and rubs her temples. "All right, I've spent the last two days sitting upstairs trying to decide how I feel about this situation, and this raving lunatic showing up here rabid about this vampire being innocent is enough to push me off the fence. Nick, give him the keys."

"I beg your pardon," Nick says, eyes narrowed.

"Give him the keys, let him take the vampire home."

"You have no authority to tell me to do that," Nick says hotly.

"Oh! You're right. Sorry." She unholsters her revolver and points it at him. "How about now?"

Nick narrows his eyes. "You wouldn't dare."

Lex makes a "cut it out" motion across her neck to Nick, but Ari has already pulled the trigger and put a slug in the floor inches away from Nick's foot with a huge BANG, causing him to jump.

Jim screams and flinches hard when the gun goes off, eyes wide. He's not as terrified as Valen, but he's still terrified.

"The keys," Ari says brusquely.

Jaw set with hatred, Nick comes over and hands a keyring to Jim. He takes the keys from Nick and shakily unlocks the cage, reaching in and pulling Valen out.

"I've got you. I've got you. It's okay, we're gonna go home." He goes to take the muzzle off.

"Do me a favor and take that off after you get outta here," Ari says. "I'm sure this guy is safe for you, but he's none too pleased with us." She reholsters her gun and moves between Jim and Nick, staring Nick down.

Lex comes over and helps Jim lift Valen out of the coffin. "I'm sorry," she says tearfully. "This was a huge mistake, I shouldn't have let this happen."

Valen shakily stands between them on wobbly legs, tears streaming down his face

"I at least need to take the cuffs off so he can get dressed, it's still light out." Jim protests, holding Valen close. "What- what did you do with his clothes? I brought an extra change, but..." But you're fucking monsters. Even Kane didn't strip me.

Jim sniffles. "Valen's the gentlest soul on the face of the planet." He doesn't know if even Valen might be pushed to his limit by this and fight, but he wouldn't blame him if he did.

"Absolutely not," Nick says. "Throw a blanket over him or something. That's a safety hazard."

"Shut up, Nick," Ari snarls. "The keys for the cuffs are on that keyring too. Unlock him if you want." She pointedly does not answer the question of where his clothes went.

"I'm sorry," Lex says. "I didn't realize how messed up this was. Here, let me help you get them off."

Jim takes the hint that they've destroyed his clothes. Even Valen's cute plague doctor mask. He similarly avoids responding with anything meaningful to Lex's apology- it's not okay. None of this is okay. A teary "Yeah." is all he says to her.

He takes the cuffs off with Lex, swings his backpack around, and takes out the change of clothes he brought. "Here, lemme help you get dressed. You're gonna be alright. Goin' home." Jim maneuvers Valen into the clothes until every inch of him is covered, putting the mask on over the muzzle. "Brought some blood packs, too. You can take that thing off and drink in the car. Won't even be- won't even be light for long."

Valen allows himself to be manhandled in Jim's hands, safely bundled up back up, covered, armored, eyes glazed over and distant, barely responding.

"I really don't know what the director will have to say about this," Nick says maliciously.

A growl rips from Valen's throat, and he suddenly comes to life, ripping the mask off, hands fumbling with the straps of the muzzle.

"Shit," Ari says, and Lex backs away nervously.

Valen repels all the hands on him and rips the muzzle off with an animalistic snarl. Then he does something Jim has never seen him do before: he uses persuasion.

"Tell them what you did to me last night," he barks at Nick, eyes aflame, face crunched with his fangs bared.

Nick's gaze goes soft and distant, hypnotized. "I raped you."

"See what the director has to say about that," Valen snarls, and he grabs Jim's wrist and drags him up the stairs.

Jim cries out in anguish at the confession, horrified. He wants to go right back down there and sock the guy, but getting Valen as far away from here as possible as fast as possible is more important. "You f-fucking piece of shit! I'll kill you!" he screams back downstairs Valen drags him out, sobbing.

He hands Valen the backpack. "I'm sorry, I'm s-so sorry it took me this long to find you. Fuck, I can't imagine- why would they do this?" It's not a real question. It feels like the universe is determined to have as much horrible bullshit as possible happen to him and the people he cares about. I don't know how Liz can believe in a loving god in this world.

Ari, it sounds like, is way ahead of Jim, because she also shouts "You fucking what?" And as they rush out and away from the scene, the sound of fists meeting face sounds out loud and clear from downstairs, accompanied by more enraged shouting.

Valen's enraged mask falls as soon as he's upstairs, and he lets go of Jim's hand, sagging against the wall and bursting into tears. He slides down to his knees, strapping his mask back on with fumbling hands.

Footsteps from behind them as the sound of Nick getting the shit beat out of him downstairs continues. Lex comes up, also in tears. "I didn't know he did that," she cries. "I'm so, so sorry. I had no idea he would do that."

Jim goes to stand protectively in front of Valen. Now that he has the damn muzzle off, they're safe. He doesn't need to hold back. "No, when you kidnapped him to torture him, you had no idea you were handing him directly over to a rapist! That makes it all fucking okay!" Jim yells at her. "What's wrong with you?!"

Lex shrinks back. "I didn't --it's compli--I'm sorry," she finally settles on. "I didn't--I thought he was, like, like--come on, you know what vampires are capable of, you know most of them are monsters!"

"Get- get away from us." Jim sobs. "You've done enough. Valen's not the monster here. You're the ones torturing people in an- in an evil lab."

Lex looks like she wants to defend herself, but before she can do so, Valen snaps,"Go back downstairs."

Lex's eyes go distant and she impassively turns and goes down the stairs.

Valen clings to Jim's knees. "Can we please go home now, Jim? Please?"

Jim's glad Valen can just use persuasion to make their exit smooth, even if the distant look he remembers from Kane's party still gives him the creeps. "Yeah, we're going home. Goin' home right now."

Jim helps Valen up and to the car, opening the passenger side door and ushering him in. "There's blood in the backpack, if you can get it under the mask. Here, actually." Jim takes off his flannel and hands that to Valen, too. "You can make a little tent if you don't wanna wait for sunset. We're going home. I'm taking you home. Not gonna let anyone hurt you ever again."

He gets in the driver's seat and pulls onto the road.

"Thank you, Jim. Th-thank you." Valen takes the flannel and curls up on the floor on the passenger's side, jamming himself underneath the glovebox and using the flannel as a blanket to cover himself. "I'm, I'm very grateful you thought to bring food, but I don't think I can eat anything right now."

"Yeah." Jim wipes his eyes as he drives, but more tears keep coming. "I thought, thought you were dead. That you might be dead. Liz's been calling all the hunter branches looking for you. I left as soon as we knew where you were. It's over now. He's not gonna get away with what he did t'you. I'm so sorry, Vale. W-what do you wanna do first, when we get home?" He hopes thinking about nice things like sleep in our own bed or take a bath might help him feel better. Grounded. Knowing he got out.

Valen sobs. "C-call Liz, I suppose. I was just walking, Jim, th-they didn't even give me a chance to talk, I know that's smartest for them so I didn't just use persuasion, but, but they didn't even give me a chance, Jim."

"They're awful." Jim agrees. "They're fucking awful. You're a damn teddy bear. You've never been a threat to anyone. I can't believe they just- they just took you."

He never wanted Valen to feel this way. What it feels like to get taken. And on top of that, the burns, and if that wasn't bad enough, the rape. As if Valen wasn't traumatized enough already, he can't be safe from it in vampire or human territory.

"We're gonna go home, and I'll treat your injuries, and you'll get all cleaned up and into some nice soft pajamas, and you'll be safe and sound." he promises.

Valen trembles on the floor of the car. He's never felt this threatened by humans before. Hunters, a little. The bad neighbors, the potential for an angry mob to form--yes. But he's never been so thoroughly terrorized by humans that any human feels like a threat. He's...a little scared of Jim, somehow, inconceivably. This must have been how Jim felt when Valen had saved him from Kane.

When they get home, Valen wordlessly goes down into the sunless basement, curling up underneath the stairs, still crying.

Jim calls Liz and lets her know what happened, and she immediately goes to come over. Jim puts the untouched blood packs back in the fridge, grabs a big fluffy blanket, and goes to the basement he seldom enters.

"Knock knock." he says softly. "Liz is coming over. She's gonna stay over a bit, make sure you're nice and protected." Since they weren't exactly supposed to take Valen. "Can I come down?"

Valen lets out a strangulated sob. "Can--can you just give me a few minutes? Can you maybe come back in twenty minutes? Can you--can you lock the door and come back later?"

Jim is fucking heartbroken by how scared and miserable Valen sounds. "Course, whatever you want. Blanket incoming." He tosses the blanket over the side of the stairs. "I'll knock in twenty minutes, and if you don't want me down then either, it's okay. Lemme know if you need anything." His lip wobbles. He wishes he could take all the pain away, but he can't. "I love you." he says before he goes.

Valen just sits there, thinking about Jim, replaying in his mind the few days when they first met. Valen saving Jim, comforting him. The fact that the door is locked makes him feel secure--no one can get him.

He gradually starts to come down, and then he starts to want Jim. He slowly gets to his feet and drags himself up the stairs the next time Jim knocks and opens the door.

He walks straight into Jim's arms, plonking his face in Jim's shoulder, sniffling. "Thank you, Jim," he says, voice muffled. "I love you too."

Jim holds Valen close, rubbing his back. "You will always be safe here." he promises. "I can't make the world less fucked up, but I can promise you'll always be safe in this house." Valen's made him feel safe for years. He's determined to do the same. "Liz'll be over in like, ten minutes. You want me to get some cream for your burns? Or you wanna just leave it to heal?"

Valen sniffles. "Yes, please. I would like it if you rubbed the burn cream on me. I would like to see Liz. Thank you." He accompanies Jim to the bathroom.

Jim goes to take Valen's clothes off so he can see the injuries, but hesitates. "Can I see?"

Valen whimpers. How had he not thought this far ahead? This is Jim. Jim is safe. Jim has never been anything but safe. But...it's going to take a while for this to wear off. "I-I changed my mind, I don't want the cream that bad, I want to keep my clothes on. Please don't take them off, I want to keep them on."

"Then they're staying on." Jim agrees. "Do you wanna put it on yourself?" But there are burns on his back, they'd be difficult to reach. "Or- if, if it makes you feel safer, you could hypnotize me and have me do it." It's Valen. He trusts Valen enough for that. "Or we can just forget about it and go wrap you up in a burrito on the couch."

Valen shakes his head. The thought of using persuasion on Jim for anything but the most dire circumstances repulses him. "Let's just leave them. I would. Would like to be a burrito."

"Then a burrito you'll be." Jim leads Valen back to the living room and bundles him up all nice and cozy, sitting right by his side.

Liz arrives shortly, bursting through the door and rushing over. "Valen!" she wails, hugging him. "I'm so glad you're okay!" She thought it was going to be another someone she loves is taken away forever situation.

Valen hugs her back. "I'm so glad you were able to f-find me, Liz, thank you so much." He hiccups between words. "I-I don't know what I would have done w-without you."

Without us you never would have been in human territory in the first place. "Well, you got us. You got us for as long as we live. I'm your own personal bodyguard for the next few days, 'til we're sure everything's settled down. I don't think anyone's gonna come after you, but if anyone does, the great thing about silver bullets is they work even better on humans."

Valen clings to Liz and Jim both a lot over the next few days. They get word that Nick has been fired, apparently at the pushing of the two women who had met them at the compound, who reported to the director what they'd found out when Valen had used persuasion on Nick. Those two hunters also try to contact Valen--they eventually get word to Jim that they want to talk to Valen to apologize, but Valen says he doesn't want to talk to them, and tells Jim not to give them their number.

Valen still doesn't eat for a few days, and only breaks his fast when Jim and Liz finally force him to sit down and eat something. It's a long, long time before Valen works up the courage to go outside again, and the only time he does it by himself is at night, when he has to make his weekly trip back to vampire territory to buy blood. He continues to work on his project--at one point, the formula is far enough along that he can cut down on his trips to load up on blood to once a month.

The work is slowed down by Valen's newfound fear of leaving the house that Jim had promised is safe. But it is safe, safe and secure and still more than he ever thought he could have.

***

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