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weabooweedwitch · 1 year

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Girl do you love him or do you love the approval he gives you? Do you love him as a person for who he is, or is he the first guy to show you attention and you think he's the only guy who will ever be interested in you? Sorry if that's blunt but there's a key difference and you have to be careful with this stuff because you don't want your vulnerabilities to be taken advantage of. The speed at which you've gone from 'I like him he's a nice friend' to 'I love him' is a little concerning. Go slow!!! Figure out if he's actually worth your time, be on the lookout for red flags and don't gloss over them or ignore them just to keep the relationship. Figure out if you actually like *him* separate from his approval and validation, ask yourself which qualities he has that you like/find attractive. Any rando in the world could give you those 2 things, they have nothing to do with him as a person. And don't get attached too quickly, you need to be emotionally able to back out if he's showing major 🚩🚩🚩 at any point!

(source: dated a "nice guy" for those exact 2 reasons confusing it for love, 'fell in love' fast and basically ruined the life I had because he turned out to be a cheating abuser)

(I know I've been making a lot of long ass posts and answers lately, my bad :c, I actually was trying to reply to this during my shift and then was so bushed after I got home I fell asleep)

No you're totally right dont get me wrong, very valid concerns, and I think about this constantly because I don't want to fuck up and say something to him and turn around and not mean it or whatever, or like torally ruin our friendship and creep him out and chase him away. Idk. I guess I just think of our relationship and it's always been kind of weird but good in that online friend way?

So we met and began talking around 8, 9, 10 years ago and you know we were a little flirty back then but you know, nothing serious, we were mostly just buds talking about video games and such. And we just... our friendship back then is so similar to how it is now? Like I stopped talking to him before I turned 18 (for this exact same reason actually: catching feelings and feeling like I'm putting him in a weird position) and he sought me out this year all the time later sometime in August or November, like he literally scoured facebook for me, me specifically to reconnect because he lost people during the pandemic and had a few bouts of depression and was seeking lost connections and like. Talking to him feels exactly the same. Exactly the same. He often messages me first, to send memes or jokes or start talking about a topic, like we were talking basically every day, and since we reconnected it's been exactly the same? 🥺

But I also recognize like. There was about an 8 or so year gap in our communication so I guess we have only technically known each other for like 2 or 3ish years? But 🥺 it still feels the same. I still like talking to him. We agree on a lot of things and when we don't he is always respectful, he isn't one of those guys who starts shitting on you and demeaning you. And he doesn't enable me either! He's supportive of my mental health struggles and that I'm trying but he also pointed a lot of stuff out to me when I was spending time with him, like telling me I smoke way too much (his exact phrasing was "herb addled") and said I need to cut down for my health 🥺 and like lmao we got stoned and took a 3am walk to the 7/11 and he kind of, lol, stopped me from getting way too much food just because I had munchies, and also was trying to save me money because, you know, gas station food isn't always cheap

I dunno, he. Inspires me to be a better person. But I also recognize that even if we get along really well and have known each other for some time that I don't actually know a lot about him personally. Like I keep forgetting how old he is, I didn't know he had siblings, I only recently started finding out like his music tastes and such, idk. I want to learn more about him and share moments and things with him 🥺

We also just have a lot of really good conversations. Like it's weird we've just been able to talk so easily and so often without even knowing each other super personally which is the step that's coming now I guess?

I guess if I were to start listing things off about him that I like... He's very honest. I never have to be afraid he's secretly thinking something different; he's an open communicator, albeit a little blunt at times but he jokingly often refers to that as 'a side effect of the 'tism' but it's helpful you know? He doesn't mince words? Like he told me straight up that I tend to ramble sometimes because I'm insecure of the silence and that's totally correct. He encourages me to get away from my mom and kind of just my family in general, encourages me to be more of my own person. Like there have been so many many MANY conversations over the years and recently too where I'm just kind of venting to him and he gives me not just support but feedback, it's not just all "wow that sucks sorry to hear" but also "that's tough but it is a challenge you can overcome". There are so many times where I don't trust my own judgment and he's gone "no you didn't deserve that, that was really shitty, you didn't do anything wrong"

He's so smart 🥰 he's one of those guys that you go to tell him about something and he already knows, and also probably knows more than you do. He's getting a degree in botany or horticulture of some kind (his grades are so good too, he's shown me his like report card whatever, I'm so proud) and he's very avid and passionate about the environment and like, "being the change you want to see in the world". Like I loved going to his house and seeing all his gorgeous plants which he takes care of so meticulously and he knows all their scientific names and stuff. He grows succulents, man. Bitches love succulents

He's good at figuring out what he wants and working towards that goal. Hes good at regulating and setting boundaries on things that might be detrimental, like after I came back from the visit, he let me know that he was going to start turning his phone off at certain hours because of school now that jos break was over, he usually let's me know when he's going to bed so I'm not hanging on for a reply or anything. He's actually trying to distance from certain forms of like social media and online content because he thinks there's way too much stuff that's frivolous now and like, that can sometimes sound vaguely douchey but I actually totally agree? Like the amount of time I spend on my phone is insane and I know I'm wasting so much time on bullshit and I wish I could take control like he can

So uh, the uh, the night we had sex, right. I was going to use a rideshare service and no one was available and it was like 3am. And I was sitting there and he was saying "no I'm not going to let you try and walk out there at night it's not safe" and being caring like that and i just started crying and he started to hold me, like I was sitting in the couch and he was standing and he just hunched down to hold me because that was what I needed. I started apologizing, that I always felt like he's having to take care of me, that I hate being such a burden, and he soothed all those worries and just, kept holding me. He actually sat down on the couch next to me so he could hold me for a while as I just sobbed, squeezing me really tight, rocking me back and forth until I calmed down, which I eventually did, and it kind of came to the topic of where to sleep, and he says something like "it would be a lot easier to hold you if we were both lying down" which, was kind of going to be implied anyways. I kind of knew going up there we were probably going to get physical haha. But he wasn't bringing it up in a crazy way, you know? And when he was going into his bedroom and I kind of hesitated because I was nervous, he kind of, gave me this pause and this look like he was asking if I was coming but it was ok if I didn't, you know? He made sure I was OK, and I was. And we just lied in his bed cuddling as I sniffled and we just started talking about all sorts of stuff and, yeah

I mean. The sex itself was. Like. It's. Not to be cheesy but it was genuinely how I always wanted my first time to be, although this was my second time and the first was so icky we ain't gonna talk about it lmao. Perfect communication, asking how i felt, if I had any feedback, was there anything specific I wanted to do WHICH HE DID BTW fjfjgngjg. Like I felt SO comfortable and safe. I even got a little bold with him in ways that literally light my face on fire but it was because I trusted him so much. Like literally there was a point where he said I could do whatever I wanted to him and you know what I did? I started massaging his hand and arm where his injury is, I had him lay on his tummy so I could massage his back, because I wanted him to feel better, like ever since I hears he was injured I was wanting to try and help him like that 🥺

There were points where we were just, cuddling naked, just peaceful, feeling the warmth of each other's skin. I was the little spoon AND the big spoon and he'd be resting his head on my chest or tummy and I'd just be running my fingers through his hair and he also makes these little groaning noises when something feels good so it's like he purrs a little bit 🥰 and I mean. There was definitely some spice too but idk how comfortable you guys are in hearing those parts. Like for example there were a few times I kept accidentally bringing up my mom or rambling to be anxious and he would just silence me with a kiss because he knew I was anxious and shit. Or uh. Haha. He was kind of a biter so at some point he's trying to get an answer out of what something I would like to try was and I was being too shy so he just starts BITING ME like not hard but in a "ooo stop don't do that omg 🥰" kind of way until I came out and said it (and he did do it, quite enthusiastically too 🥵)

We talked a lot about my relationship with my mom and one of his biggest pieces of advice was something like "your mom is shitty for sure but the way you are holding on to your anger is making things worse. You're getting bent out of shape over very small things at this point and you're only stressing yourself out, you need to let some of that rage go and move on". He's actually been studying aspects of Buddhism and tries to incorporate some of those aspects into his life which o also really like, he also burned incense in his room which had a nice smell 🥰

I. I dont know. Like I fully recognize I need to spend more time with him and get to know him more before I make any significant decisions but. My heart is such a mess. Even if it's unhealthy or weird I know I feel. Even if it's temporary. Even if it's because I'm a freak. Nothing has to be said or done now. I just want to see him. Spend time with him. Support him. Recently he had an incident with a girl he liked and was talking to and spending time with and he invited her to spend time with him and she suddenly said "you make me uncomfortable" and gave him a really bad depressive episode? And he said during our visit, "yeah I'm gonna keep trying but next time it falls through I'm giving up on dating apps" and like. Last night I was thinking... if it's making him feel so depressed and alone... I would completely humiliate myself just to soothe him. I'd tell him I love him and how much he means to me and say "even if you don't want me, even if I'll never be that person for you, I want you to know you're capable of making people feel this way and you're worthy of love and even if it isn't me I know you'll find someone someday because youre smart and caring and responsible and wonderful"

And I mean... that's love isn't it? 🥺

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neon-moon-beam · 2 years

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Regarding Angst And Burnout

I am in no way attacking people who enjoy angst, write it, create art of it, etc. I understand people may find it enjoyable or cathartic, and you’re allowed to create what you want, express yourself, etc. This isn’t me gatekeeping or telling people how to interpret characters (and doing so would be ridiculous). These are just my opinions and experiences for the past three months regarding Submas and PLA.

This might be a bit disorganized and maybe a bit rambling, but I’m less concerned about that with this post as I would be with a reassurance post.

Bl*nkshippers dni—I will block you.

Under a cut for PLA spoilers and length.

I’ve been playing Pokemon almost my whole life. It’s something that comes and goes for me. I’ve had periods where I was playing the games a lot, and periods where I wasn’t concerned with it whatsoever. A few years prior to 8th Gen was one of the latter. Then SwSh was released, my roommate, @1863-project, and I picked up Pokemon again, the pandemic hit and with so much of our lives put on hold (it was much harder to distance in NYC—we had to give up on doing so much for a while because it was not safe), we both started hyperfixating on Pokémon. I eventually ended up creating this tumblr back in February as a place for me to post about it.

We were both fans of Submas before PLA was released. 1863-project has her own reasons for liking Submas which she has talked about a lot, such as here. I have my own reasons, which have to do with more recent events for me. Part of the appeal of Submas (for us) is that canonically, they didn’t have any angst or drama going on, no tragic backstory. They were just two people who ran the Battle Subway in Unova. They were eccentric and allowed to be so. Sure you could find angsty fics or art, but none of it was really based on the games, and it was easier to avoid. By and large, the content was just slice of life. (Of course there were other problems, like bl*nkshipping, other problematic ships, ableist depictions, but this post isn’t about that, and on Pixiv at least, people had tags for some these things to give people the option to avoid it).

That being said, I do not consider myself part of the Submas fandom. I might be a fan of Submas, but I don’t really partake in the fandom aspects of it, at least the way tumblr is concerned. Part of this is because of the content heavily leaning towards angst right now. The other is that I just don’t have time for or care for fandom things. I have other things going on in my life, and I also prefer to be offline for most of my activities and socialization. I also feel like fandom requires near-constant content creation, which can be exhausting. It seems like to be involved in fandom you have to constantly be creating art, writing fics, recreating memes, posting headcanons, or at least constantly sharing these things. I would feel like I was not allowed to create at my own pace, or create content for myself or the people I’d like to, and that would burn me out. I’m also not a fan of au stuff, and I only like to talk headcanons with people I personally know (which is why I accept headcanons from 1863-project, and why she knows the very few that I have). Having to be constantly on top of fandom things to partake in it is unappealing to me.

I do make reassurance posts because I spent, and still spend, a lot of time talking reassurance with 1863-project as we’re both concerned that the game devs might not return Ingo. Soon after creating this tumblr, I realized from a cursory look in the tags that other people might want reassurance too, so I began making posts about any evidence I could find in-game, the overall tone of the series, potential hints in PokeMas, and a few other things, like more recently, whether or not the concept art of Ingo (specifically the time frame) is canon or if it was unused due to major discrepancies in the game.

Going back to Submas content, there was less content right up until it leaked that Ingo would be in PLA as he is because we were now three Gens past Submas’ last official in-game appearance, though there was a brief resurgence due to their inclusion in PokeMas starting in July 2021. Then the leak happened about a week before PLA was released, and the angst content went uh…off the rails.

I used to seek out Submas content, but in the wake of PLA I find myself avoiding it for my own mental health. I don’t find comfort or entertainment in angst, and especially not angst without a happy ending. There are several potential reasons for this, but I do know that currently I’d much rather see slice of life, comedy, shitposts (that are not based around Submas being separated), and if there is angst or hardship, I want to see it pay off with a happy ending.

Part of my problem with PLA itself and part of why I’m burned out on it (last time I played it was nearly two weeks ago), is in addition to it being a shorter game and running out of things to do, it doesn’t conclude. When you start the game up for the first time and see the player character pulled from their own time and place back to Hisui by Arceus, it feels like the point of the game is to complete the PokeDex and go home. Instead, the player is given part of Arceus and told to enjoy exploring Hisui. What exploration is left? You’ve completed the PokeDex. Besides shiny hunting, all we’re left with is any missions the player may not have completed during the main storyline and anything at the Training Grounds, and rematches. An event the game seems to be building up to never happens. Personally, I felt empty when I finished the game. And to top off the player character being left in limbo, so was a character that had come to be one of my favorites. If Ingo hadn’t been sent to Hisui, I might have enjoyed this game a bit more and simply found the current ending unsatisfying, but not a huge deal. Instead the game leaves everyone hanging on the main storyline, Ingo, heck, even the details regarding Volo’s backstory and motivations, everything about Cogita, and a few smaller situations we see along the way. And the PLA guide book that came out recently not only does not give us any answers as to why Ingo was sent to Hisui or if he goes home, but instead threw concept art at us with no further context, which caused some people to worry or even panic. I am hoping a DLC comes out for the game that can finally put everyone at ease, or we get confirmation everything is OK in Gen 9, because right now it feels like the lack of context and conclusion is negatively impacting a lot of people’s experience with this game. I know it has been for me.

With the game being the way it currently is, I don’t need any additional content to make me feel worse. But this is often what I get when I’m given suggestions on sites of topics or accounts to follow, or if I happen to venture into the tags in the hopes of finding non-angst content. This was actually how I found out about the concept art; a post about it was forced into my feed based on other accounts I was following as well as the fact that everyone was in crisis mode over it (crisis mode is why I made a few posts, here and here, about it). There’s also an issue I’ve seen brought up that there’s no real way to filter content; many people do not use tags specifically for angst content, or in some cases at all, so the most you can do is avoid the tags altogether or start blocking people. I know some people cope or find comfort in angst, and I’m not saying nobody should ever create content like that, or trying to police what people post. But I’m seeing so much of angst for the sake of angst. I’ve seen people say they came to the Submas fandom for the angst. I’m seeing Ingo and Emmet being portrayed completely out of character for angst. If you’re not a fan of angst, it can get so exhausting to see characters you enjoy experiencing so much pain and sadness. I’ve even seen posts from people who do like angst, but have become burnt out by the constant barrage of it. When you have a series and/or characters that you went to for comfort or a break from other things you might be dealing with suddenly be turned by others into a dumping ground for angst, it feels alienating, and like you’re being kicked out of your own space. I said recently I feel like the fandom angst will take Ingo and Submas from me before the games officially resolve the plot.

At times, it feels like I’m not allowed to enjoy PLA or Submas on my terms, or there’s little to no space for people who don’t want the angst content. Obviously I am allowed to enjoy it, and so is anyone else, and there should be and is space for non-angst content, but it’s hard to not feel like an outsider when it seems like the general consensus of other fans is that everyone wants to see angst.

Most people seem to respect when others do not want angst forced on them, but a few times I’ve experienced, or have seen others experience someone ignore our requests to not be sent it. I always include disclaimers on my reassurance posts, but a few times I’ve been messaged theories or rebuttals by someone who thinks or prefers Ingo not go home. 1863-project asked after the initial PLA leaks if anyone had any information that Ingo goes home and instead had a few people send her content that was very much not what she had asked for or wanted. I made a PSA about this before, but if you enjoy the angst, or just don’t want Ingo to go home, please don’t force this on people who don’t want it. You’re allowed to like and want angst, and others are allowed to not.

I was hoping the guide book would help the overall situation by giving us some answers, and in turn create a path for more hopeful content, but it didn’t really do so. The biggest reassurance I can offer is nothing regarding the alleged timeframe for Ingo’s arrival in Hisui adds up in game, and the “Ingo is over 50” was a joke made by an earlier poster of the content; there’s no confirmation of his age anywhere, and neither he nor Emmet have ever been given official ages to date. That being said, if you want reassurance that he doesn’t have a receding hairline or that he’s still a younger adult, I can’t give you that. People don’t stay young forever, and older people or people who start aging early don’t need to vanish just because they don’t fit society’s beauty standards…or your personal preferences or headcanons. I haven’t seen real discourse around this, and I’m hoping references to the alleged discourse are jokes or exaggerations. We haven’t gotten confirmation as to whether or not Ingo looking like that without his hat is canon, but if it is, you’re allowed to have headcanons that he has fluffy hair, a long braid or whatever, but be mindful of how your attitude/the way you talk about it may come off to older fans, or fans with hair like him. No matter what they do to him, whether his hair is receding, or he goes back or not, he’s still Ingo.

I’m going to continue to provide reassurance posts, breakdown of content, shitposts, and possibly even some theories regarding PLA and Ingo. Right now I’m just feeling very burnt out, especially given the guide book illustration fallout.

#Submas #ingo #ingo pokemon #emmet #emmet pokemon #warden ingo #i've posted about this before but after this past weekend i'm feeling it again #and i know others are too...i was sitting there as 1863-project answered a bunch of messages yesterday (we're roommates)#this isn't attacking anyone who likes or creates angst...create what you want!

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undxrworld · 3 years

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Hanamaki Takahiro as your Boyfriend

Hanamaki Takahiro x Reader

—Word Count: 1k

—Warnings: N/A

—Notes: A set of HCs I have with a mix of characterization I have generally thought of for Hiro

—MINORS DNI

—Masterlist

This man can NOT choose a set love language to save his life.

He is a giant giver when it comes to gifts and little surprises. You can always expect a small snack and drink while working or studying to remind you to take breaks every so often so you don't burn yourself out.

He is weak to physical touch. Your presence around him is enough to put a smile on his face, easing any worries in his head knowing that you're safe when you're with him. Cuddles melt him down easily. Little spoon or big spoon? It doesn't matter to him so long as you're in each others arms.

If it's words of affirmation and reassurance you want, he'll be right there to make sure you get it. Listening to your every word before putting his thoughts in, complimenting you the entire process even if it was ever so subtly.

He constantly reminds you how much he means to you with eyes full on sincerity ass he spoke. He becomes an open book once it comes to professing his undying love to ones he think are important in his life, especially you because he wants you to know what goes inside his head at the sight of you or hearing your name.

He firmly believes in actions speak louder than words so he not only speaks to you of his feelings but show them in the little things. If you’ve had a long day, he’s there to give you a massage, a backrub or even helping lessen the chores you need to do. If he can somehow make things easier for you, he’ll do it in a heartbeat.

➳ He loves to play and helping you with your hair whenever allowed. Depending in your hairstyle, he loves combing his fingers through it, fixing your curls, or assisting you in your hair care routine. Honestly he just wants to be involved and know how to help you out one day if ever you need a pair of extra hands for the job.

➳ Do you want to paint your nails or get them done? He'll match with you! He takes good care of his hands, keeping them neat and cut to take hand pictures for you and for you to post online.

➳ The amount of memes, cute animals and TikToks this man sends in a day is enough to blow up your phone. He's never not keeping you entertained. Are you at work? Watch them for later to destress. Having a bad day? Here are some cute animals to put your frown upside down. Are you on TikTok? He is too!

➳ The puns this man sends you range from corny to cringe to hilarious. It’s like he’s Dad Joke Central! You’d even come to think what he’d be like if he’s around kids, blending in to the younger generation by cracking them up with so many punchlines.

➳ He is determined to learn how to bake. Cooking for him is something he needs to improve on more but he knows the basics. Profiteroles and Cream Puffs are his main goal to master but cookies and brownies are close seconds because they’re a staple baked good everywhere. So if you ever want to teach him or learn with him, he’ll be the most focused student.

➳ For someone with a very warm body, he actually gets cold really fast so he layers up a lot which explains the amount of hoodies and sweatshirts that occupy his closet. Which directly translates to many comfy clothing to ‘steal’ off of him.

➳ His fashion sense has grown and evolved over the years. He’s always well dressed for any occasion and thought out. Mixing and matching so many garments. He’s also down to match outfits with you whenever you want.

➳ Sadly, he can’t pick a set aesthetic to stick with so he goes with the general ‘vibe of the day’. If unsure, he asks you to see what you’re in the mood for and he’ll be right there to support the vibe and embody it with you.

➳ The list of pet names he has for you are endless. His love, darling, sweetheart, sunshine, gumdrop, prince/ss or high highness, etc. He always finds a name to put to your face because nearly everything reminds him of you.

➳ He’s very careful of you, staying sensitive and curious to know all the emotions you’re feeling. Hiding your emotions deep inside won’t be much help because he easily senses when something is wrong.

➳ The amount of body worship you receive from him. All your curves, scars, muscles or what—he’s in love with it. Shape, size, and height don’t matter to him in the slightest. Even if you get insecure of others that seem more ‘fit’ or ‘skinny’, anything else that society thinks of as the ideal, he gives no mind to that because in his eyes you’re perfect just the way you are and he loves every inch and crevice of you, inside and out.

➳ Typical dates with him are very fun to say the least. He’s not that picky because he just wants to spend time with you. Staying at home? Carnival dates? Movie dates? Dinner dates? Stargazing? He’ll be there and come prepared. Your comfort and happiness come first in this mans head.

➳ He isn’t afraid to indulge with you in any new adventures either. Atleast try things once just to see if you both will enjoy the activity or not but live to tell the tale instead of simply being ignorant.

➳ If you’re ever into content creation and making videos that can possibly go viral, he does like to pull some pranks on you, following texting trends and the like that are harmless. Even if people request him to do more extreme pranks, he’d rather ask you beforehand on your opinion on it or try his best to script it to avoid hurting your feelings.

➳ When you hear him laugh, it’s so wholehearted and loud if you’re not around with others. It often leads to him clutching his stomach too and evolving into being on the ground, begging for mercy. Even if he says he’ll be serious, he easily cracks up again.

Taglist: @anxiousbabybirdb @goldenshoyo @sailor-vi @fukurotiny @c-herri @gg9183 @kay-n-tsumtsum @introloves @sugawarakoushilove @lemillieon @angelofdarkness1020 @selfishwitch @prince-lo (I also may have tagged other people I know who like him to a degree so hello there!-)

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu headcanon #hanamaki takahiro #takahiro hanamaki #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu drabble

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aphrodite-would-be-proud · 3 years

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Oh oh! If you still take requests, could you maybe do something with Reiner first introducing you the The Kiddos? Like, maybe you're still in the early stages of the relationship but both ypu and Reiner know that you're keepers and he wants to introduce you to such important persons in his life 😭

I'd love to do that! My heart melts just imagining Reiner thinking you're the one while looking at you in adoration, and so he decides to introduce you to his cousins whom he'd protect with his life.

Reiner introducing you to his cousins

{ Reiner x reader | tw: none | fluff | modern }

{ "Tea Time" 1905 byMyrtle Jean MacLane 1878-1964 }

It's after Reiner saw how much you've stood beside him and supported him even through his weakest moments when you didn't have to, that he knew you're the one for him.

The one he could see himself with in the future, the one he adores and deeply cares about, the one he wants to protect and cherish.

And love. He wants to love you in every way possible, just like you showed him what being loved feels like.

He knows it will be a slow process to merge your lives together and get used to each other around, so he takes it slow, introducing you to his friends and older cousins.

Zeke and Pieck were the first to meet you. So far they've been nothing but really kind and charming, Pieck making you feel at ease and comfortable around her like you're old friends while Zeke making you laugh and being really respectful of your boundaries.

After that it was Bertlot and Annie, his two closest friends. They were more stiff and less easy to start a conversation with unlike the previous two, but by the end of the day you actually found yourself understanding them better.

It's not that they don't like you, it's just their personality. Annie actually cares and gives you genuine compliments despite coming off as cold in the start, while Bertolt is just not good with meeting people and small conversations which is why he seemed stiff and nervous at first glance.

Reiner tells you that it went really well after they left, he knows them and knows how they act around people they're starting to like.

Lastly you met Porco and Colt, it was a really short meeting because Colt had somewhere to be while Porco just didn't want to be alone with Reiner for long.

You learned about Proco's older brother who's currently working in a different country, Marcel. And about Colt's younger brother Falco.

As an attempt to piss Reiner off, Proco hits on you and tells you to ditch Reiner. When you laugh it off and refuse you notice the smug smile on Reiner's face.

Colt tells you to tell him if you ever need anything, he's usually busy but he knows a lot of people around here and has worked at different jobs to gain a lot of experience, he's also really respectful with you.

After you meet all his friends, he plans on introducing you to his younger cousins. He seems nervous about it

"How bad can it be?" You say, "i can handle kids."

How bad can it really be huh? Well.

Gabi hates you. Straight up she says it to your face. Not dislike, but hate.

Flaco says he's sorry for how she's acting, yet he doesn't really try to stop her.

Udo avoids eye contact with you, he'll literally find the fork in his hand more interesting to look at even when you talk to him

Zofia just stares, coldly, unmoving and uncaring.

Yeah, it's not going well at all.

After some time, it's Falco who starts liking you first. Being your only friend, he attempts to get to know you more and hype you up to the other three.

It's Udo who starts getting curious and starts asking you questions about your life and hobbies, you know how kids basically have no mouth filter and will ask you anything? Yeah that's him.

Actually thanks to that, your answers will get Gabi's attention. If you mention something you're particularly good or talented at, she will want to know more.

Flaco reasons with them that getting to know you will make Reiner happy, and Gabi really cares about Reiner so she tries her hardest.

You're making progress, the three of them are actually talking to you now.

Except...Zofia isn't buying it, while Falco was the easiest to gain his approval, Zofia's the hardest.

It will take a lot of time and effort before she is comfortable around you.

Getting close to Udo is your key to gaining Zofia on your side.

And showing interest in her hobbies and likes. She's really into drama shows, dresses designs and true crime. While simultaneously being kind to Udo, you'll gain her trust slowly.

She observers how you treat her friends and others, how you react when someone makes a mistake and how you talk about people when they're not in the room. Paying close attention to small details and expressions.

Especially Udo, how you treat him and talk about him will be her final judge on you.

When Gabi invites you personally to cheer for her at her school soccer match, you know she started to open up to you. Especially how she spares you a couple glances and a wave while on the field.

For Falco it's when he starts opening up to you about his own needs and worries. He's so used to putting other's needs before him that he rarely talks about his own. Also the way you treat Colt will greatly impact your relationship with Falco.

You know Udo accepted you when he doesn't shy away from direct confrontation with you or gets cuts himself halfway through talking about something in fear he's being annoying. Instead he'll seem more passionate about his interests and more comfortable with physical touch around you.

Would literally spend hours talking about space and turtles to you, the biggest smile on his face and the most energetic and confident you've seen him that even Zofia can't correct him because he knows his stuff and is sure about it.

The way you react whenever he makes a mistake or accidentally does something bad, will greatly impact your relationship with him.

Reiner isn't oblivious to his cousins's feelings, he's actually really in touch with their emotions and can read them easily. He doesn't pressure Gabi at the start to like you nor does he guilt Zofia into giving you a chance after a year of knowing you.

He just reassures them that you're a good and kind person, you're trustworthy and you've showed him care and love. That you're his partner now and a thing that will be constantly permanent in his life.

He also reassures them that it doesn't mean he will leave them or pull away, he won't love them any less actually they'll have double the love since now you're here to offer that too.

And that talk from him is what pushes them over the line, realising they could get double the attention and care, they slowly began competing for your love.

They share their days with you, maybe add you into their memes groupchat where Falco posts his fortnite wins just for Gabi to demand to 1v1 him on Cod. Or how Udo sends pictures of lego sets he finished building, or maybe where Zofia shares the freshest influencer drama directly from twitter, is Kanya really cheating on kim with jeffree star? Who knows.

They try to manipulate you into helping them to break the rules Reiner set for them. Take that coffee away from Falco and get that mature rated horror movie away from Gabi, no udo you can't turn the kitchen into a chemistry lab and Zofia you can't stay up till 3am, i don't care that you're trying to summon a demon, you have school tomorrow.

Reiner told them no for doing something? Okay they'll just ask you instead, what will make you say yes when he said no?

"Because he's not the boss of you" is what Zofia says.

Falco is in dire need of hugs so offer them as much as you can, if they stay over let him sleep between you and Reiner, he can't do that at home anymore.

Gabi needs attention, so make sure to include her in everything and praise her for any accomplishments. She gets jealous easily so make her know that your love is unconditional and you'll always be proud of her even if she doesn't come first place at an event or challenge.

Zofia needs her space and respect, don't coddle her or belittle her interests. Show genuine attention to what she likes and support her. Also know when she says something she actually means it, so listen carefully.

Udo needs reassurance and safety, he also needs someone to believe in him. Comfort him yes but also have faith in him that he can do things, tell him mistakes and failing is okay but also have hope in his abilities and strength.

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classic80sand90smovieloves2 · 3 years

Text

Meeting and Dating Charlie MacKenzie

(Not my gif)(Requested by @jotaro-spengler)

(Sorry this post took so long. I literally changed the entire meeting story last minute because I’m an indecisive perfectionist so it took a lot longer to write than expected. Hope you enjoy!)

- You and Charlie getting together was really all Tony’s fault. He just had to go and mention you: shine the spotlight in Charlies mind right on you and say look here you fool, a beautiful woman who you already care about and who already cares about you.

- That wasn’t really how it happened of course. All Tony had actually done was say something along the lines of “now take a look at my sister-”, using you as an example in some scenario he came up with rather than giving his friend a recommendation.

- But, in Charlie’s half listening mind, all he heard was “take a look at my sister” and take a look he did.

- You were a little younger; which tended to be the case when it came to younger sisters of friends that were his age, and you were pretty. You had a nice personality, you thought he was funny on occasion, and you weren’t a total stranger who he could easily find a flaw; that he didn’t already know about, in.

- Why not give it a shot? Worst case scenario, you say no or he breaks your heart and loses his best friend in the future. But hey, it was Tony’s idea to begin with, right?

- So he visits you at work, making small talk; as per usual since this was a fairly normal occurrence for the two of you, before trying to ask you out as casually as he could.

- Initially, you think that you’ve misunderstood him or that he’s misspoken, then you think that he joking, …and then you just think he’s gone crazy. You quite literally ask him if he’s feeling alright because it’s so out of the blue and unexpected.

- But, once you come to terms with the fact that this is a legitimate request, …you agree.

- I mean, it’s not like the idea never popped into your head. You’ve known the guy since middle school: of course you’d considered it; though you’d never imagined that it would actually come to fruition.

- Nevertheless, here you were, giving each other somewhat awkward smiles and arranging a time and place.

- Your first date is initially going to be just a regular dinner at some diner down the street that the two of you; and your brother, often frequented but you quickly find that it just feels wrong to go there: like the two of you are still just two friends.

- So you scratch that idea and find yourselves wandering around town, buying some food from a street vendor and taking in the atmosphere of the night. What started out as a; frankly, uncomfortable first date ends up turning into one of the best you’ve ever had.

- It’s no surprise that the two of you get along. The question is whether or not you fit as a couple so; regardless of whether or not you’d normally do it, you decide to have your first kiss before the night is over to test out the romantic chemistry between you.

- It may not be the most romantic first kiss in the world; considering the fact that you literally both talk about and agree to it like it’s some sort of business deal or logical course of action, but you enjoy it nonetheless and it gives the two of you some clarity.

- He likes you and you like him and the two of you are happy together. You just hope that it lasts....

- Charlie really doesn’t care about what other people think, in fact, he sort of likes to bother and gross people out so he never minds engaging in a bit of pda. If he feels like kissing the hell out of you, he’s gonna do it; regardless of whether or not there’s people around.

- Interlocked arms or holding onto his arm as the two of you walk together. He likes having you close to him so literally securing you to his side by your arm is a helpful form of affection.

- Handholding. He’ll usually swing your arms back and forth whenever you do.

- Cheek kisses. He’s a fan of both giving and receiving them so it definitely goes both ways.

- Excited, feverish, and passionate kisses. You tend to just lay one on each other at random; oftentimes catching the other person a little off-guard, so these types of kisses are pretty common in your relationship.

- Kissing in the rain; sometimes with him kicking his leg up in the air behind him.

- He tends to just call you by your given name; or a teasing nickname on occasion. He finds that using pet names just aren’t his thing and that a lot of them cause him to roll his eyes more than anything else.

- The two of you really don’t have a “usual” cuddling position since you tend to just do whatever feels right or makes the most sense. Some days you cuddle with your head on his arm, other days he’s the big spoon, and sometimes you’re the big spoon.

- Back scratches and shoulder kisses.

- Taking baths together.

- You know the meme about the person getting into their partners shower fully clothed so that they can ask them a question? That’s the type of shit that he does constantly. Sometimes you just have to sit back and consider the fact that you may be dating either an idiot or a crazy person.

- Getting his help when you’re trying to pick out your outfits.

- Going to his open mic nights.

- Having poems written about you. …They’re pretty bad....

- If you're dating Charlie, you have to stop caring about how other people view you because there’s no way you’re not going to do; at least a few, ridiculous things out in public together. The two of you are constantly doing dumb shit so just try to ignore any judgmental looks you may or may not receive.

- Chasing each other around and playing other childish games.

- Frolicking and dancing like children of the night~

- Double dates with Tony and his girlfriends.

- Diner dates.

- Wandering around the city together.

- Buying from different street vendors and food trucks.

- Cruising around town with his top down and the radio turned to your favorite station.

- Sitting out on his roof with him.

- He loves seeing you smile so expect a lot of dumb jokes and comments that are meant to make you laugh.

- Teasing each other. You like to call him “nice” just to mess with him.

- Convincing him to do different things with you. You know that it wasn’t his idea to go on that Alcatraz tour with Tony so it’s safe to say that he can be persuaded into accompanying you just about anywhere.

- Taking different classes together; though you probably shouldn’t take him to those sorts of things …for the sake of your teachers sanity.

- Getting visited at work. He’ll always insist that he was “in the neighborhood” but he absolutely was not and totally drove all the way over just to see you.

- Speaking of work: he would definitely offer to help you with whatever task you had to do just to ease your workload and spend more time with you. It would also probably get him into the good graces of your boss so the man/woman would be a lot more lenient with him hanging around.

- Finding your own ways to quiet his rambling. He tends to just keep talking whenever he’s nervous or feeling shy so you’ll have to learn the best way to quiet him whenever he gets like that; which usually means you’ll be kissing him or saying something he wants to hear.

- Telling each other stories. His are usually exaggerated to an outrageous degree but you never really mind; it’s sort of more amusing to see where his brain takes him than to just listen to a normal story.

- Family get togethers. You’ll usually sit in the kitchen with him and his mother while Tony and his father watch some sports game in the living room.

- Interesting interactions with his family; namely his father. The man’s a little hard to get along with but he’s certainly entertaining.

- He'll always check on you before leaving you alone, making sure you’re okay before he ditches you to do something; even if it’s just using the rest room for a minute.

- Him getting advice from Tony. Regardless of whether or not you want to picture yourself as the mans sister, he’s going to be your best ally when it comes to surviving your relationship; so you might want to get on his good side if you weren't already.

- Having to get through his sabotage stage.

- Charlie tends to get scared and break up with people when things are getting too serious so don’t be surprised if; or when, it happens to you. The good thing is that, if it’s meant to be, he’ll come to his senses and dedicate himself towards getting you back; usually with some big cute gesture.

- Just not feeling like yourself? No problem! He’ll be completely understanding and accept that you just aren’t happy; all while doing whatever he can to put a little pep in your step.

- He’s not an incredibly jealous person but he is cautious. He’ll never refuse to let you hang out with someone or do something but he will keep an eye on your relationships with other guys. Not because he doesn’t trust you but because he doesn’t want you winding up in an awkward position because you couldn’t see the red flags of encroaching romance.

- He’s somewhat protective of you; oftentimes sticking out his own neck to save yours. Although he’ll usually; awkwardly, try to settle things in a peaceful manner after an aggressive outburst at someone or something; usually because he only then realizes how big and threatening they are.

- The two of you fake fight every now and again but real fights only happen once in a blue moon. You get along incredibly well so it isn’t often that you can’t settle things in a peaceful manner; especially since he approaches you very calmly whenever he has a problem.

- Because most of his issues with you are reasonable, fights usually end before they even begin. But if they don’t and you wind up having a legitimate argument or fight, he’s always willing to apologize; especially since he’ll feel extremely guilty for upsetting you.

- He mainly shows you that he loves you but he definitely isn’t opposed to saying the actual words.

- As afraid of marriage as he normally is, he actually proposes to you pretty quickly. I guess when you know you know?

#charlie mackenzie imagine #charlie mackenzie imagines #charlie mackenzie headcanons #charlie mackenzie headcanon #so i married an axe murderer imagine #so i married an axe murderer imagines #so i married an axe murderer headcanon #so i married an axe murderer headcanons #90s movie imagine #90s movie imagines #90s movie headcanons #90s movie headcanon

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psych2go · 4 years

Text

8 Habits That Destroy Your Emotional Well-being

Our emotional well-being is more important now than ever it seems. With the majority of people quarantined up in their homes, things can get a little… depressing. I mean there’s only so much Netflix and Zoom calls you can take before you feel like screaming out your window.

The worst part is, your favorite TV show only has so many seasons streaming. And eventually, (gulp), there will be no, more, episodes, left.

Noooooooo!

Yes, I know. Pretty dramatic. But what else is there to do all cooped up inside?

The answer may be different for everyone. Take up a hobby, learn a new instrument, color book your way to sanity again. Whatever it is that keeps you going physically, you need to take care of your emotional health as well. So, it’s best not to pick up any bad habits that affect you emotionally during quarantine.

Here are eight habits that destroy your emotional well-being. (Good for both pandemic and pre-pandemic uses.)

1. Suppressing Your Emotions, Especially Anger

While it may seem convenient at the time to go ahead and ignore that sadness or anger inside you, – I mean according to you, you have work to do! – But suppressing your emotions can actually do more harm than good in the long run.

Just because you consciously suppress your emotions, does not mean they go away. Instead, they build up. You should instead express emotions such as sadness, anger, or anxiety to someone you trust. Just imagine what could happen if you don’t allow yourself to release an emotion like anger, and instead let it build up?

“[Anger has] been linked to obesity, low self-esteem, migraines, drug and alcohol addiction, depression, sexual performance problems, increased heart attack risk, lower-quality relationships, higher probability of abusing others emotionally or physically or both … higher blood pressure and stroke,” says Dr. Schinnerer, an anger management coach who was a consultant on the Pixar movie “Inside Out”, an animated film about emotions.

Anger can also lead to insomnia, anxiety, self-esteem issues, and mental or brain fog to name a few.

This is just anger. There are physical and mental problems that can arise from any suppression of emotion it seems. Because if these emotions build up, they will eventually rise to the surface, and likely explode out of you like a volcano!

Just, uh… givin’ you a visual image.

So, what are we supposed to do about all these feelings?

Well, Schinnerer suggests one way to break this cycle, and that begins with mindfulness: “One way to do this, he says, is by becoming more aware of when you’re angry in the present moment, then looking at the emotion in a nonjudgmental and curious way. So instead of beating yourself up, acknowledge how you’re feeling and think about ways to cope.”

So, take a break if you’re feeling anger in a toxic situation, and leave the room. Pretend your favorite pizza dish has just arrived, and you need to ‘pause’ your game. That is, the treacherous game of anger. Level 5: Volcano Eruptions of Fury

Hey, I’m givin’ ya visuals here.

Remove yourself from the situation that’s making you angry, find a place or person you’re comfortable with, and feel the emotions, express them. Do this in a way that doesn’t let you overthink the situation to the point of exhaustion. You’re expressing and letting go.

Let go of any anger, grudges, or anxiety after expressing them. With sadness, express them as well, and try to focus on the things that you value in your life. It can be a good idea to talk with a counselor or therapist if you feel these unwanted emotions persist and are piling up.

Remember, this is just anger. But you can do this with all your emotions. Feel them in the moment, or express them in a calm way. Then let the emotions flow out of you. Like an ocean breeze, in the midsummer air…

Visuals! (I find it helps release them in a… cathartic and healthy way.)

2. Letting the Stress Get to You, and Letting it Pile Up

Similar to suppressing your emotions, stress can find a way to get to you. Now, it is best to express your anxiety instead of suppressing, but what if these stress levels are at an all-time high?

Letting your stress get out of control, by not expressing it or over analyzing situations, can be an unhealthy habit. When stressed, your brain releases a hormone called cortisol. When this hormone is produced in large amounts it can prevent the brain from functioning as it should.

It’s best to take a mental health break when needed if your anxiety becomes overwhelming. With all this time indoors, a few minutes of meditation or doing another activity that calms you when you find yourself overthinking and overwhelmed, may be a good idea. And of course, if you find the stress to be too much, talking with someone and letting these feelings out in a healthy way can help.

3. Not Sleeping Enough

Now, lots of people have poor sleeping habits. Does that make it healthy? No.

Not getting your eight hours of sleep every day has been shown to make things worse for mental health.

What makes things worse is 60 to 90 percent of patients with depression also have insomnia, according to The Sleep Health Foundation. So people whose emotional well-being may already be suffering are possibly causing further health problems by not being able to get their full rest.

Not only do you get grumpy and groggy from not getting enough sleep, but it can also not be good for your emotional well-being in the long run.

4. Bad Posture

According to a study in the Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, upright posture can have a positive affect and reduce fatigue.

Everyone who doesn’t sleep eight hours a night? Stand up straight!

The preliminary study’s conclusions suggested that: “adopting an upright posture may increase positive affect, reduce fatigue, and decrease self-focus in people with mild-to-moderate depression.”

The study is pretty fascinating. You can read directly from the journal here.

5. Not Exercising

Exercise is not only important for our physical health, but for our emotional well-being as well. During quarantine, you may find yourself not exercising as much as before. This can become a habit.

Regular exercise releases endorphins which make us happy naturally. According to an article from MayoClinic, exercise can release “feel-good endorphins, natural cannabis-like brain chemicals (endogenous cannabinoids) and other natural brain chemicals that can enhance your sense of well-being.”

So get out of the house and out to the gym- oh. …never mind.

Get out of your bed! And onto your treadmill! …That is, if you own a treadmill.

Ya know what? A walk should suffice.

6. Negative Thoughts, and Feeling You’ve ‘Failed’, Constantly

Now we’ve talked about suppressing emotions, but what if the negative ones plague your mind, constantly. If you find yourself thinking you’re are a failure, or that you don’t measure up to something, or that you won’t achieve your dreams, or you weren’t who you thought you’d be- Stop it! That’s unhealthy and you know it!

Now, better said than done, right? If these thoughts become habit, you may find yourself not setting any goals at all, as in fear of not achieving them when you do try. Or you won’t even be measured up to something at all because you never left the house to buy measuring tape.

… Anyone?

It’s time to reel yourself out from your own negative thoughts and take a look at the positive ones you are neglecting. You aren’t a failure.

At least… not constantly? Seriously! Nobody can be a failure constantly. So stop thinking about it all the time!

7. Being on Social Media. All. The Time.

As much as you like mindlessly scrolling and pressing the heart button on your friends’ social media posts, posting selfies and photos of your food (Stop it! You’re making me hungry), and posting relatable memes all day- Well… that one is pretty fun.

But! As much as you like spending your undue time on social media, it isn’t always great for your mental health.

I mean, think about it. You’re often hunched over and cramped, staring at a little screen.

Straight posture everyone! Straight posture!

Not only that, but people often find themselves comparing themselves to photo shopped influencers with unrealistic lives. Plus, too much of one thing can tend to be bad, and unproductive in this case.

8. Not Being True to Yourself

Have you ever said ‘yes’ to something, simply because you were peer pressured? Or perhaps you felt that’s what others wanted from you?

Stop it! You are wonderful. So, stop doing things that aren’t true to who you are.

Phew. Gotta take it easy, I know. It’s just, you’re so god dang wonderful.

Everyone is unique. Everyone is different. So why do you tend to compare yourself to others? Or try to please them so much if it’s not pleasing you.

It’s best to ask yourself if you are living your life for yourself, or for others. Following simply what others tell you to do, in a way that is an attempt to change who you are, is likely to leave you suppressing the real you deep inside. And we all know what suppression can do for our mental health.

Taking care of your emotional well-being means taking care of yourself. And if you hide who you are to please others, who are you instead? Why not please yourself in a balanced way? If not, you may be trying to be someone else for the sake of others. And consequentially, suppressing your true values and self in the process.

Who are you? Where are you hiding?

It’s time to create some good habits and say yes to getting your emotional well-being on track.

#psych2go community #psych2go #psychology #emotional health #habits #bad habits #mental health

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milkybonya · 3 years

Note

Hello! I want to say I really really love your reactions! They’re so cute and your writings always succeed to make my day even brighter hehe ><

And if I may request something, would you please make a reaction of WayV as your college bestie / WayV as your brothers? 🥺🥺

Thank you for your beautiful writings and have a nice day!

you’re so sweet... thank you x100000 (>@_@)><3 i hope you enjoy and also have a lovely lovely day~

WayV as your college bestie

Warnings: food mentions

Kun

the first image that comes to mind when i think of college!Kun is him innocently sipping his iced drink through a draw while navigating the campus, wearing a grey backpack, to try to get to class on time (AND LOOK AT THE PHOTO I FOUND^)

so BET he’ll always have an iced drink ready for you too <3

only if you like iced drinks, though

if not, he’ll get whatever it is that you like!

Kun is always on top of his work omg but that’s good for you because he just gives you his notes for free?

“here, [y/n], i summarized the lectures for our exam. take a look at them!”

always saving seats for you in the library or lecture hall

politely asks people to move if they steal your spot

calls your phone when you accidentally sleep in to remind you to come to class

when the campus gets busy in-between classes and people bump into you, he puts his arm around you to keep you safe

sometimes you wonder how he’s doing so well in class when all he seems to do is practice his card tricks in the library

you can usually find him in the room in his residence building where there’s a random piano because he loves playing it hehe

Ten

this man would be a MESS in college oh lawd

constantly pulling all nighters and whining for you to stay up with him

then doesn’t even wake you up ?? so you end up sleeping through your class :(

“i didn’t wanna put a hold on your beauty sleep”

“Ten, you literally called me ugly two seconds ago”

sometimes this mans will walk in when there’s ten minutes left of class like hello ?? siR

brags about his good grades and when he scores better than you

“do you want me to tutor you? it’s expensive though... my time is valuable” *flips hair*

always begging you to go to a convenience store with him so he can buy some sweets because he’s stressed

as much as he teases you, he also loves you a lot :”)

pats your head when you tell him you didn’t do well on a test

“it’s okay, you can do better next time!”

smiles at you nonstop until you smile back

Winwin

always checking up on you and your mental health

“[y/n], did you really sleep in this morning accidentally or is there something wrong?”

he’s such a source of comfort to you because he can easily tell when you’re sad

he knows all your sad signals and how to make you feel better :”)

timidly follows you around campus because you’re one of the only people he feels comfortable around <3

joins the same clubs as you because he likes being around you

study sessions with him are actually productive because this man knows when it’s time to study vs. time to socialize

he’s generally a good student but sometimes when he’s tired of lectures, he watches anime in class with you (only if you like it too!) ;)

sometimes he does this when he’s in the front row like sir,,, this man has no shAME

honestly the two of you are always together because he can’t bear to leave you alone

video calls you at night when you’re in your own dorms just because he wants to talk to you while he makes ramen :’)

Lucas

why does this man have so much energy at 8am lectures??!

“WOOO LET’S GO TO CLASS, [Y/N]!” he cheers while shaking your shoulders around with his large hands

this man is your energy booster, seriously

he’s always there to give you encouragement, whether it’s by hugging you tightly or loudly yelling and jumping around, he never lets you get tired

but of course he also acknowledges when you need breaks!

“[y/n], you’ve been in the library for too long, c’mon, go eat! i’ll save your spot for you :]”

you return to find a whole bunch of random doodles on your notes :’)

gives you his hoodie whenever you’re cold in class

and doesn’t even make a fuss about you giving them back?

you’ve been kicked out a total of 7 times from the library because he has been too loud

begs you to join the orientation week organizing club so the two of you can help welcome first-years before classes begin

he loses his voice because he yells so loudly during that week

Xiaojun

the library is this man’s haven because of how much he loves to read :”)

so he’s always asking you to come to the library and bring him snacks because he’s hungry

makes up for it by helping you with homework and assignments hehe

likes to rent out those group study rooms in the library so he can mess around while the two of you study

by mess around i mean this man sings his study notes. out loud. and somehow hearing his pretty voice helps you memorize everything?

acts like he’s oblivious to all the drama in your program but actually knows everyone’s tea

tells you them whenever you feel sad

“hey, don’t feel sad! Lucas got 27% on the test-wait i wasn’t supposed to say that-”

when you fall asleep at the library, he stays with you until you wake up

then helps you get back to your dorm

always makes sure you’ve eaten your meals and are staying hydrated <3

likes to hang out in empty lecture halls with you and sing because the acoustics sound nice :”)

Hendery

this man knows all the department tea and will tell you all about it even if you don’t want to hear it

“yeah, so that person was dating the other person, but it turns out the other person’s friend was that person’s ex???”

you’d think he wouldn’t have time to study BUT NOPE, this mans grades are flawless!! (just like him)

always bragging about those grades of his

*pushes up glasses and shuffles papers* “i did really well on that test...”

but of course he’s careful to never rub it in your face or anything, especially if you didn’t get a good grade

“that test? don’t worry, we all failed it! i got 1% on it!”

“that isn’t possible, Hendery...”

“sure it is!” *shows you his test paper while covering the two 0′s after the 1 on the top of the page*

always ready to go to a new café with you so you can both flex that you’re studious students who study

looks at memes on his phone in class and laughs so loudly that he gets asked to leave

Yangyang

spends so much time gaming that you find yourself worrying about him

“[y/n].... you’re calling because you thought of me? i’m so touched... yes, i’m hungry, pls bring me food ;3;”

of course it’s just a tactic to get you to give him attention ;)

skips a lot of his classes to do random things and asks you to join him

one time the two of you went to a farm to pet some cute animals

anD ONE OF THEM STARTING CHASING YANGYANG

the photos you got were hilarious and Yangyang had to do whatever you asked for a week to stop you from posting the photos

just daily Yangyang x [y/n] friendship things ;)

always asking you to help him with things because he’s babY

but also ready to do anything for you at any time

literally fought your group mates once when you had an assignment and they made you do all the work

“[y/n] already does all my work for me, so they can’t do your work too!”

prefers sleeping in your room more than sleeping in his own mostly because he doesn’t want to be alone :”)

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tanadrin · 4 years

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I suppose because politics is what means I have no future of any kind left, so it's hard to be silly about it. And I seem to have landed myself in a sector of social media filled with people who are very smug about how smart and nihilistic they are, and I hate all of you with the hatred that only a miserable, powerless person can feel.

I don’t buy it. Unless you are quite literally scheduled to be executed at dawn, “no future of any kind left” because of politics is catastrophizing. People in very dire circumstances the world over often manage to build some kind of life for themselves; it may not be the life they want, and the suffering they endure because of the circumstances they are limited by should not be dismissed, but to say that someone in such adverse conditions has no future is to infantalize them and deny them the agency they do have to shape their life to some extent.

And this is an insight I’ve found important when dealing with depression in myself: even if one’s catastrophizing is not irrational (say, you’re a queer person stuck in an extremely homophobic environment, at minimum for the next 5-10 years), that does not mean it is useful. To put it another way: circumstance might justifiably make you angry and sad and frustrated. That may be rational. Deciding, in the face of that anger and sadness and frustration, to surrender to it is not rational.

So--assuming that you are not a political dissident due to be executed, nor suffering from a terminal illness which somehow for political reasons cannot be cured (if either of these things are true, you have my sincere condolences)--I have to say, this ask reeks of someone who’s depressed. If you are depressed, you will always be able to come up with reasons why happiness is unattainable for you, due to circumstances entirely out of your control. This is not a crazy thing to think, because if you are depressed and not treating that depression, most if not all the things you try to do will not solve your unhappiness because they are usually orthogonal to what is making you unhappy. Your very ability to accurately imagine future happy states and what might bring them about is suppressed by depression; for instance, you might, if you are depressed and you know it, rationally understand that exercise often helps with your depression, but be unable to motivate yourself to exercise because the intuitive link between if I do X I will feel better is broken by an internal forecasting system that refuses to spit out predictions other than “nothing I do will help with anything.”

A depressed state is not a psychotic break--it doesn’t cause you to lose touch with reality--but I think depressed people would sometimes benefit from treating it like one, because it does subvert your ability to accurately model the world, and therefore you can’t trust your own ability to reason or intuit about certain topics. I have both experienced this from the inside, and seen it from the outside: friends whose depression causes them to believe they are unlovable, and thus that nobody loves them, even when told (and shown) repeatedly that they are very much loved, and very important to the people around them.

In fact, you remind me of this post: depressed and anxious people who notice politics is depressing and anxiety-inducing, and that depressing and anxiety-inducing problems confront the world and society, and therefore conclude that their depression and anxiety are a rational and reasonable response to the world. But that doesn’t follow at all! A lot of responses to a depressing and anxiety-inducing environment are more useful that shutting down and withdrawing, or letting yourself be paralyzed; and even if there are negative external factors in the world affecting your life, if you have nothing in your life that is a sufficient source of joy to offset these things at least somewhat, then you have problems sufficiently severe that I don’t think your depression or anxiety can be laid at the feet of the world at large alone; more likely, you’re dealing with shitty personal circumstances, and these are far more likely to be tractable to your individual capacities than, like, all of climate change. And if you do have some sources of joy in your life, you can cultivate those further.

To put it another way: humans are very bad at reasoning about things on large scales or over large timelines. One reason we’re slow to solve problems like climate change is that we tend to be pretty blasé about remote and impersonal problems, which is actually often useful as well--because it means we’re capable of adjusting our hedonic barometer to create joy even in catastrophic circumstances. If you are constantly worried about big issues like climate change or the Trump presidency to the point where you can never do that, then the conclusion you should draw isn’t that you’re a uniquely rational human being with a uniquely accurate worldview, it’s that your brain is broken and you should not trust your intuitition.

Emotional states are not rational models of the world. They are tools our brain uses to motivate certain kinds of action. They probably have their origin in our social evolution, but this means they are extremely untrustworthy when it comes to complex, large-scale, philosophical, or impersonal issues, because these are not scenarios our brains evolved to handle before the advent of high-population, highly-stratified societies.

Now, I realize it’s hard to convince someone they are depressed and/or should seek treatment by rational argument (lord knows I’ve tried in the past!), because after all, if we were being perfectly rational, we would not feel depressed. We wouldn’t feel anything; again, emotions are contingent tools, not highly rationalized responses to the world! So I won’t belabor this point any longer. Instead, now I’m going to get annoyed with you.

Because here’s the other thing depressed people do--and I have done myself. They see people who are not depressed, whose hedonic barometers are functioning normally, and capable of experiencing joy even in arguably (or inarguably!) shitty circumstances, and they get mad at them. How dare you be capable of laughing at a joke, or sharing a meme, or having a nice day, when everything is so bad!

This is a common response, not only from depression, but also I think from grief, or fear, or trauma, or lots of other things. But it’s bullshit. I’m sorry, but you don’t get to demand that everyone feel your suffering as acutely as they feel their own. You don’t get to demand that just because you’re a pessimistic ball of frustration and anger that everyone else be, too. You get to--and ought to--demand that people treat you with empathy and respect, but that doesn’t mean they don’t get to make jokes about topics you find depressing as hell. Yes, even topics that personally affect you, and may not personally affect them (though, of course, a lot of times people assume the person making the joke isn’t personally affected by the topic, when in reality they are and the joke is a way of relieving stress and coping with frustration).

That calvin and hobbes meme I reblogged is an extremely generic political compass meme; the only relevance it has to the world today, I suppose, is acknowledging that, like, politics is a thing that exists. If you’re upset by that--how dare people laugh at politics, the source of all my problems--you’re being a dick.

And this leads my to my final point, which is this: while we are all of us owed compassion, we also owe others compassion. And people caught up in their own anxiety and depression and anger often don’t see the way their emotional states impose costs on the people around them. They often treat the people around them badly--worse, at any rate, than they normally would--and react defensively if this is pointed out to them.

I’ve done this. I have friends who have done this. I get it. It doesn’t make someone a horrible person! It doesn’t meant they deserve to feel the way they do. But it does create the second half of a twofold moral obligation. You see, I believe that the, call it “utilitarian selfishness” view, is essentially correct: if all humans are of similar moral worth (they are), and you can only help one person (often true), and that person is yourself, it is no less moral to help yourself than it is to help someone else. This is usually framed as a grant of permission: “you are allowed to be selfish sometimes.” But it’s also an obligation: “you should not be a dick--even to yourself.” You have a positive obligation to care about your own suffering! And you have a positive obligation to try to reduce the costs your suffering--your bad mood, your depression, your anxiety--imposes on the people around you.

Because I’m not a smug nihilist. I actually believe, with embarrassing intensity, in a large number of abstract principles. And while I believe circumstance or injustice can conspire to make people feel miserable and powerless, and I have the utmost sympathy for you feeling that way, no one is so omnipotent as to be able to truly excise our power to do something with our life that is rewarding to us, no matter how modest. Your subjective feeling of misery is not license to be a dick to people, or to misrepresent them or their motivations. And if reading my tumblr (or anyone else’s) makes you miserable, you have a positive moral obligation to stop, because you’re being a dick to yourself, which is no more justifiable than being a dick to me. And being a dick to me because you don’t like my Tumblr, because you’re miserable and I’m not, is pants-on-head stupid.

I, too, have been so convinced of my misery and powerlessness, and so utterly convinced of my inability to make improvements in my life, that I have yielded utterly to the feeling of myself as a despised, helpless, wretched thing. You can spend years in that state. A lifetime, even. I suppose it relieves you from the burden of having to try, which is a tiny shred of comfort when the climb up the hill seems so steep. But I have found that in the long run it brings no other relief; there’s no regression to the mean, just an endless prolongation of misery. It required some courage, and not a little determination, to try to climb out of that pit. Sometimes you struggle. Sometimes you fall back in. Sometimes it’s easier to believe there’s nothing beyond that place of unhappiness. But there is, and you can get there, and the choice of whether or not to reach it lies only with you.

#if you are in fact due to be executed ignore this #and you have my deepest condolences #but in that case how did you get on tumblr???#Anonymous

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writingandsins · 4 years

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HC of your Modern AU RDR2 Husband while in Covid-19 quarantine.

A/N: This took a long as time lol Ihope you like it though

Arthur

Luckily for you, the two of you live in a semi rual area. You live in a beautiful home with a few acres.

Super resourceful and only makes sure to get what you both need. He probably is the only one who makes trips to the store because he values your health over his.

But if you want snacks or anything non essential, he still gets it because he can’t say no to you.

Loves doing DIY project with you, keeps his hands busy and he loves the memories you guys make together.

When he does have to work from home, he still makes sure that you are doing okay and that you don’t miss him.

You guys cook together and it’s so fucking cute. You also love it when his face lights up when you bring him lunch on his work days.

He tolerates face mask night but eventually enjoys the results he’s getting.

Daily nature walks on the property.

Scenic drives with good music and holding hands. You love watching him drive because he just looks so fucking sexy doing it.

DATE NIGHTS. He’s such a romantic at heart, he’ll get dressed up with you and make sure to set the mood with candles and soft music.

Sex pretty much everyday because to be honest, that man is an animal for you. You two have pretty much fucked on every surface in your home.

If you guys have a porch or balcony, the two of you will spend a lot of time together there during the mornings or evenings, just being close.

When the gang has video chat nights, it’s always fun and filled with laughter and pointless bickering. Arthur gets tired of it pretty quick and always thinks of some excuse to leave.

Overall, Arthur will always make sure you feel safe and comfortable during this time.

Charles

So if you thought Arthur was resourceful, Charles is on another level. Never takes more than what you guys need, he also is the one who insists on making those trips to the store to protect you.

You guys live more rually so food is abundant in your gardens and he has a fridge full of venison and game meats. Going hungry is not an option.

Lots of home improvement projects.

Puzzle nights are a huge hit for you both and you can usually finish a smaller one in a couple of hours.

Fire place snuggles and movie nights.

Charles does not mind the face masks or hair treatments you put him through. He loves the attention.

Lots of home cooked meals, that boy can COOK and he’s always doing something different.

Charles hates weekly video chat nights with the gang. But you smile happily when he calls Arthur or John to see how they’re doing.

Date nights consist of slow dancing and old b movies. (And lots of sex.)

Charles is also an animal for you, you guys have sex at least twice a day, if not more.

Charles is a man who can craft and build, he surprises you with a beautiful, handmade gift just because he loves you. You cry a lot.

Charles is the perfect person to get quarantined with.

John

Music is constantly playing in the Marston home. Like, all the fucking time.

LOTS of deep cleaning to catch up on. With random dance sessions in the living room to take a break.

Despite his attitude at times, he likes to stay healthy and tries to cook at home for you, but sometimes you guys give in and order take out.

You plagiarize his phone with memes while he’s working in his office, just so you can hear him laugh from across the house.

When Jack comes over, Mario cart is a nightly tradition. You guys also have a DnD campaign that Jack game masters for.

You do face mask nights by yourself because John won’t do it lol. But he thinks it’s cute when you have green clay on your face. Calls you she-hulk.

John is very protective and won’t let you go to the store, he’d rather do it. If you make a big fuss, you better believe you’re wearing a face mask, gloves, hoodie, and pesters you to wash your hands.

Date nights are playing video games, movies, staying up late and cuddles.

You guys get a little more adventurous in the bedroom since you guys are at home a lot, John is a freak in the sheets and you’ve never thought you’d have so much sex in your LIFE.

Long drives just listening to music.

He enjoys the weekly gang talks but sometimes Dutch gets a little much and he has to leave. You usually find some clever reason for him.

You guys try to learn a new skill together and it’s so cute.

John does some home improvement but he needs a lot of help from Charles or Arthur.

John is a fun and sweet husband, he takes care of you and Jack and makes sure you are never bored.

Javier

Javier will make sure you are cared and provided for. He also knows to have a good time.

He’s always has been clean and well kept, so your home doesn’t need that much done to it.

You are constantly blessed with his amazing, home made Mexican cuisine. 👌🏻 All thanks to his Abuela.

Date nights are filled with music and drinking, he plays and sings for you in your beautiful backyard patio. You practically melt when he sings your favorite love song.

He’s also really fun to do DIY projects with.

Like Charles and Arthur, he’ll do face masks with you and for once he lets you do a home treatment to his glorious hair.

He does get stir crazy and needs to get out, luckily you guys have found a trail that no one really knows about for some nature hikes.

INCREDIBLE SEX 24/7. You guys try role playing and it’s sexy and funny.

Javier is very respectful when you work but he always makes sure you have water and snacks.

He loves the weekly gang chats, you guys miss your friends and it feels good to catch up on everyone.

All in all, you wouldn’t want to be trapped in the house with anyone else.

Sean

Uh oh. You’re stuck in the house with the biggest HORN DOG.

Weirdly enough, Sean does his best to keep the house clean.

He does take the virus serious despite his care free attitude, he gets all the groceries through post mates.

You guys also order take out way too often.

Sean will let you put a face mask on him as long as you sit in his lap while you do it.

When you need a break from him, you plop him in front of the tv with his favorite game and he’ll be good for hours. Listening to him rage is the funniest thing in the world.

He does bitch a lot about being quarantined, you just pretend to listen.

He is the LIFE of the weekly gang video chats, he misses everyone so much.

Sean isn’t one for making date nights happen but he does make sure to compliment you a lot, even when you are wearing your pajamas for the third day in a row with now makeup.

He does however, when he is up for it, he makes you dress up, makes you a fine meal and then seduces you. Sex with Sean is always hot, the kinky bastard.

You guys do a lot of the social media at homes challenges and it’s hilarious. He shares it to the group chat all the time. Tik Tok is his new obsession. Arthur hates it.

Despite not going anywhere, he still loves doing instagrams OOTD with you and you guys put together cute as hell outfits.

Watching bad TV and getting drunk on lazy days.

Sean is still fun and spontaneous in quarantine.

Josiah

Your husband is a massive gemaphobe and won’t leave the house lol.

But he makes sure to still entertain you and make sure you are cared for.

You guys have a more luxurious life and you are very previlaged to have such a beautiful home.

Classical or Opera music plays quietly at all times to keep things lively.

You guys have a beautiful backyard that you tend to on your days off. In the evenings, you usually have dinner on the patio.

Josiah takes this time to catch up on some reading, you love it when he reads to you and so you have many fun filled evenings of him acting out parts of the book.

He does try to plan for next years vacation because lord knows you need one after this pandemic.

Date nights include dressing up, champagne that was saved from last year, and black and white movies.

Josiah loves to start the day with making love to you, it puts you both in a better mood.

You also have never seen him so dressed down before, but he never wears just sweats and a shirt.

Josiah sometimes joins in on the Weekly gang night video chats but he never stays for long.

He has always done face masks, even before you, so it’s a weekly tradition for you both.

Quarantine with Josiah is safe and comfortable, nothing much has changed except you can’t leave the house.

#writingandsins #red dead 2 headcannons #arthur morgan x reader #john marston x reader #charles smith x reader #sean mcguire x reader #javier escuella x reader #josiah trelawny x reader #red dead redemption #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 fandom #rdr2 #headcannons

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jurijurijurious · 3 years

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Writerly ephemera meme

I was tagged by @thisbluespirit in this rather intriguing meme!

Find five bits of yourself that you gave to your fiction (memories and places and phrases and things into our stories), post and tag five or more writers to share as well.

Now I know I do write bits of myself and my experiences into my stories, one way or another, I think everyone does, but it doesn’t half put you on the spot when you have to try to remember where you’ve done it!

1) I know that recently I wrote Walsingham passing out at the end of a scene in “Mea Culpa”. The entire description is based on personal experience. I went through a scary few years as a young teen where I would pass out for little to no reason, usually at school where there were lots of people watching to cause me huge embarrassment, which then almost gave me a form of PTSD. I was constantly anxious about fainting, it was not good, and we never found out why it happened. But that’s another story... I still occasionally pass out but it’s usually for a reason, after having a vaccine or blood taken or something, but the whole process of fainting, though horrible, is like an old nemesis to me, uncomfortably familiar. I generally feel intense sickness in my stomach, my vision is puckered increasingly with white dots, my entire body comes out in a sweat, and I hear a high pitched whistle-type noise as I lose consciousness. And so since that is my experience, it became Wals’s too:

His palms sweated, his pulse raced... He shuddered and emitted another strangled breath, fingers white where he clutched the window sill, body trembling. He needed rest. Ursula's voice was becoming distant, the room was swaying like the deck of a ship caught in a storm. He felt a sudden nausea in his stomach, could hear a high pitched sound in his ears, a siren's wail beckoning him into the abyss.

“I am sorry. So very sorry,” he whispered, though he knew not exactly who he was addressing. His own voice now sounded as if it was coming from underwater, far away; he was drowning and could resist no more, slipped where he stood and descended into the open arms of oblivion.

2) This is another Walsibeth example I’m afraid because I haven’t written anything else for about a decade! So... Though the pandemic and my lack of funds has put a temporary hold to my hobby of horse riding, I am a half-capable rider and love tearing across country if opportunity allows on horseback. I can thus write people riding horses (English style, anyway) with a degree of accuracy. So in my smutty one-shot fic “In perpetuum et unum diem” (the one which is mostly a pastiche of the raunchy finale of “The Tudors” season 1, and also an excuse for me to write shameless sex), I began the ficlet with a bit of a horse-race between Bess and Wals to get the blood up (a scene that in itself mirrors Elizabeth’s racing with Raleigh in TGA, I later realised). Though I personally haven’t raced a person on horseback per se, I have done beach rides and also ridden on a horseback safari in Africa where you gallop as a group, and “giving your horse its head” is the order of the day! So a lot of this passage is me:

She turned her head back over her shoulder and caught Francis’ eyes. His lip quirked slightly at the corner but otherwise there was no change to his countenance. But that was enough. Her smile deepend as if to invite him to race her and she turned her head back around, gave her dappled grey mare its head and pressed her calves to its flanks. And the beast responded, driving its legs harder, faster, into a gallop and flew like a falcon through the trees.

...

As the wind flew in Elizabeth’s face, making her eyes water, a great whoop of exhilaration escaped her. There was nothing but her and the horse, and the knowledge that her blackguard of a lover galloped behind her. This was what it should feel like to live, even in tragically brief snippets; to feel the blood in your veins, the air in your chest, and the sun on your face, wild and free.

They then jump a tree trunk which I’d love to say I’d do, and I might, but most of my falls have been from jumping so I’d probably wimp out and go the long way around... ;)

3) Annnd another one from my Walsibeth fic “Mea Culpa”, just because it’s fresh in my mind. When I was driving to work last winter, there was one Sunday morning which had a jaw-droppingly beautiful sunrise. I tried to take a photo of it but could not do it justice. I did find a photo of Lincoln Cathedral on instagram from the same morning though which captured the sky perfectly. It literally looked like the sky was on fire, or something, and I immediately worked this memory into my story! I felt that a sky like that would make the perfect backdrop for a single, forlorn, broken bastard riding his horse in a clear, freezing morning:

There was a strange light in the sky as the sun began to make its ascent. It turned a deep crimson then lifted to shades of rich amber and gold; this combined with the few grey clouds passing overhead gave it the illusion of a huge fire, as if a great furnace now filled the heavens. Some might have called it beautiful, others would see a grim omen.

4) I had a look in my dreaded old fic archive, so full of cringe, and I found this from the end of my Doctor Who fic “Choices”, which I reckon I wrote between 2005-2006, possibly finishing it later than that. This scene right at the end (told from the perspective of Rose and the ninth Doctor’s daughter, Hope) is literally my old senior school - the class length, the finish time, the uniform was what I wore, and my history teacher was Mrs. Gaskin, and my mum would be waiting in her car to pick me and my sisters up:

By a quarter-to-three in the afternoon, she was in another History lesson with Mrs. Gaskin, and was spending another forty-five minutes hearing about the Black Death, the plague doctors, and the red crosses that were painted on people’s doors. It was fascinating, but Hope’s concentration wasn’t there. She kept looking out of the window at the school yard, noticing the little details that other days she would take for granted - like the way the trees swayed in the wind, the way a crisp-packet rolled across the concrete, and the pure azure-blue colour of the cloudless sky. Something was afoot but she had no idea what it was, or why she was feeling this way.

The bell rang finally at the end of the lesson, as the clock read three-thirty, and the class disappeared swiftly out of the door. It was home time! The voices of myriads of children echoed and shrilled down the corridors, and desperate feet, eager to get home, pounded down the stairs, making for the exits. White shirts were un-tucked from trouser and skirt hems, blue-and-red ties were loosened from about shirt collars, and black blazers were thrown off and carried over shoulders as the mass of pupils took flight.

Hope, however, took things slowly, almost as if she might never see them again, picking up on every smile, every individual laugh, and every joke pulled on every unsuspecting victim. She waved goodbye to friends, hitched her backpack over her shoulder, and made her way out of the school gates toward the spot where her mum or Uncle Jack would usually be waiting to pick her up. As she turned the corner onto Petunia Grove, though, she stopped and sighed. The car - either her mum’s or Jack’s - was not there.

Hope pursed her lips and shrugged, taking another good look around just to make sure that she hadn’t missed it, but there wasn’t a familiar car in sight. She thus let her bag slip off her shoulder, and she perched her backside on the street sign, swinging one of her feet back and forth as she waited for the arrival of her escort.

In the meantime, she couldn’t help but let her mind wander again, as it had been doing often throughout the day, and looked around the street. There was a blue tit on the hedge over the road, stood near a couple of sparrows and a robin. The front door of house number five was a brilliant shade of red, something which she had never really noticed before, and there was some graffiti on the road sign on the opposite side of the street. It read ‘Bad’ something or other, but she couldn’t read the other word since it was blocked off by the blue box.

Hope blinked and slowly rose to her feet. It couldn’t be…

5) And for number five, this is a short extract from the an unpublished Star Wars fic I wrote around 2010, where I tried for what must have been the third time to re-write the Star Wars nonsense I wrote as a teenager, all starring my very Mary Sue OC, Nadia, who became Vader’s apprentice and was mentored by Veers. I have here again worked my experiences of passing out into the story - a psychologist would have a field day with me. Nadia’s thoughts about showing weakness were also real fears of mine - I never liked to be weak, to be ill, to be a burden, and my character was the mouthpiece for my own self-disgust. It’s written in the first person with Nadia narrating in this scene where she accompanies General (Maximilian) Veers to the Kaminoan’s cloning facility to review further batches of troops and is taken ill by the experience of seeing the thousands of farmed foetuses:

Max nodded whilst I remained breathless and shaky in his shadow. I could not get those tiny, wriggling foetuses out of many head - they floated upon my consciousness, their inhuman eyes glaring into my face and their tiny hands reaching out toward me. I tried to rid myself of these infantile phantoms, but I could not, and I suddenly felt quite ill.

“We shall need many more in our next delivery,” Max told the creature, who began to babble on about the problems of this request, but was halted mid-sentence when Maximilian wheeled about and grabbed me, saying my name over and over. He disappeared amidst the snowstorm of white dots that littered my vision, however, and I collapsed upon the floor.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up in a bright, white room. The walls dazzled me for a moment and it took my eyes and my mind time to adjust and to recognise reality. I looked slowly at the plain walls, finding myself alone upon a bed with my hands by my sides and a drip feeding liquid into my arm. This seemed quite surreal - I knew I was not ill enough to warrant this - but I resolved to stay put until someone came to me. I felt extremely tired and I thought that I may as well take advantage of the rest.

I fell back to sleep again and, when I next woke, I saw Max sat in a chair beside me. I glanced about the room - we were alone. I looked at him uncertainly, my visage undoubtedly betraying the signs of my mortification, for he first said: “Do not worry, Nadia, I am not angry with you. It cannot always be helped.”

...

I wanted to defy him, to be strong, but no, I just showed him weakness and insecurity. What indignity was this?

Thanks for the tag, that was fun! I can’t think of 5 writers to tag but off the top of my head: @feuillesmortes, @robins-treasure and @captainofthegreenpeas? Have a go if you fancy.

#memes #writerly ephemera meme

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rpbetter · 3 years

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what's the nicest possible way to tell a close friend their roleplay blogs suck and if they want followers and interaction like they keep complaining about they have to actually put effort into it instead of just making blog after blog and slapping a character on it like that's they need to do. I've tried to suggest this to her before by comparing other blogs that play her muse but she just feels inadequate instead of inspired to emulate them which I understand but it's very frustrating when I suggest a million ways to make her blog better and she brushes them all off for one reason or another and I don't want to say anything because she's like a sister to me. sigh.

Unfortunately, the short answer to this is that there really isn't any way you can make her see this unless she's ready to see it.

But, I don't like giving those sorts of answers, they feel hopeless and shitty, so, let's try this...

Understanding what the problem with your friend and her connecting with this information is, is important. It might help in talking to her about the issue.

What I find in these instances, and a lot of similar ones, is that the mun is unhappy about the results but quite happy with the process. She's enjoying some part of this, it's just not the lack of interaction, obviously. It's the very things she's doing to turn people off of her muses.

I think a lot of people get kind of addicted to new muses. I mean, the entire process of having a new muse:

interest to outright fixation, no matter how short-lived, in a new, inspiring muse

who is almost certainly in a new fandom, and probably, one that is very busy and popular at the moment

"someone stop me" phase, even though they've already decided

picking the perfect URL, creating the new blog, making the graphics and batches of icons

reblogging All The Content about the new muse, at least, the visual content and maybe, a couple of "oof, right in the feels" style short meta posts

plugging the new muse on the old blogs, through friends, etc.

mass follows

new mutuals! Shiny new meme asks in the inbox! New threads!

It's about the newness, the excitement, and the irrationally promising feeling that damn it, this time, the blog and muse is going to be successful, popular even, beloved, the actual favorite iteration of the character in the RPC. Like anything exciting, it's addicting for people. And like anything addicting, it can take hitting rock bottom and going several more feet down, a few times, before they're over it and want to change.

Which is, of course, where you come in with your as-yet failed RP interventions.

What makes what you're trying to do here very difficult is that there isn't a total bottoming out she's going to reach. There will always be something new and exciting coming out with a new and exciting muse that'll fix the problem, in her mind. There will always be the option and availability to create another blog, slap another muse on it, rinse and repeat. With shampoo and conditioner that never runs out.

You definitely had the right idea by trying to get her to contrast between why what she is doing isn't working the way she wants and why what someone else is doing is working out that way. It's just, as you found out, often not the best idea, no matter how well-intentioned it is. With her blogs constantly failing for reasons she refuses to believe, it's incredibly likely she's already done some comparison in all the wrong ways, ultimately going back and forth between blaming the other iterations, finding nothing but errors in the way they write the character and set up their blogs, and feeling depressed that she's not good enough, but they are.

So, you might have unintentionally inflamed all of this! She could be in a place where she's even more likely to believe that what she's doing is great as a defense mechanism for being hard on herself.

I'd also like to say that I'm aware the "right" advice here is, "there's nothing you can do, you'll just make her feel bad, people have a right to RP however they want." But, you're also her friend, and you have to be around the complaining and upset when this just keeps happening.

Furthermore, when we have very close friends like this, we automatically keep trying to fill in the gaps for them at cost to ourselves - every time they make another blog/muse, we get roped into writing things we know are just going to be dropped, making them things we know are going to left on a deserted blog, and so on. Eventually, it makes you feel bad about yourself because your efforts aren't good enough, either. It can really ruin the hobby for you, sucking away enjoyment and creativity you could be spending elsewhere.

I don't think you're wrong in trying to help both her and yourself.

Keep being honest with her. When she complains, be honest about why this is happening. And you can, indeed, be kind and honest!

Let's say that she says something about how she wrote all these opens and no one is going for them.

You could say something like, "that sucks. I liked this one, it's the one that feels and sounds like the character to me. What were you doing when you wrote that? You should rewrite the others to be a little more like that, I think people are looking for more of the character like we saw them in the series."

You're acknowledging that she's right, it does suck, it's a shitty feeling no matter how at fault for it she is. While pointing out something she did good (and, okay, maybe she didn't, maybe they all categorically sucked lol but find one that was even a tiny bit better/that has elements you can use to both boost her confidence and show her what is right, not just wrong). Then, giving her an idea - whatever she was thinking, watching, listening to at that time, she tapped into something more like the actual character, and she could do it again. And telling her what the problem is, at least with this, that people don't want a cardboard cutout muse, they want the one they like from the fandom book/show/movie.

No need to actually compare with another active mun and muse, or tell her that it's because what she's doing is terribly and driving you nuts. Even if both are true.

If she's the one that compares herself to another blog this time, seize the opportunity!

"Well, people like that the muse is developed and like the character they know. When you interact with another canon, don't you want them to be like the character you liked? You liked -current muse- for a reason. When I've felt like that, I reminded myself of why I was drawn to the character and worked harder on writing them accurately and getting their voice down. I think this other blog has done that and you haven't yet."

It's a little harsher, but she may very well only be looking for validation from you that this other blog actually sucks and she's doing great. A lot of complaints on tumblr are that - seeking validation, not help. The entire culture of that shit is not at all helpful. You don't want to try to sort of shock her out of it by being too harsh, but you do want to make it clear that you're not going to just give ass pats and tell her what she wants to hear.

You're telling her why this other blog is more successful, that the muse comes off as the character and is enjoyable to write with. Because the mun put in the effort to make them both accurate to the character and a muse that's fun/interesting/engaging to write with in RP.*

*Not all characters transfer over well to RP, either, and this might also be some of her problem. For whatever reason, some people are deeply drawn to the worst possible choices for them. They will find the least applicable character in a whole series, one with a billion characters that spans decades of material, plenty of viable options all around, but no, it's got to be this one. The one that's impossible for them to pull off, boring or disliked by the fandom, is incredibly difficult to interact with (think manic pixie bullshit, villains that are extreme loners, incredibly quiet and reserved characters, or those who are only ever seen in their canon to be bantering with friends and enemies - people they have established relationships with, unlike someone else's muse, even if that muse is a canonical friend or enemy), or is an active turn off in RP, like an outrageously overpowered character whose entire existence is based on being OP as fuck. That's going to be what they go for. Every. Damn. Time.

If you notice she's doing this, she could be compensating without even realizing it by turning the string of muses into identical and empty clichés she thinks people want to interact with, but that she can still handle writing. And unfortunately, your job is even harder, OP, because everyone has a character type...and your bestie's is Fucking Impossible to RP for 90% of the RPC Population Type lmao I'm...I'm so sorry.

Maybe if this is the case, you can get her to try out a different character that has some of the traits you've noticed she seems to always be drawn to, but without the complications. Work smarter, not harder, though! Propose this as you desperately wanting your muse to interact with x. Some people react very badly to being told "you'd write a great -muse name," others are flattered by it. If you don't know for certain that she'd be flattered, or at least not offended, that she doesn't hate this character or anything, do not say this. Just tell her that you love this character, you think she could handle them as a NPC in a thread, could she please try?

And make that the single most interesting thread in the history of threads. Specifically, for her. Give her tons of engagement with this NPC of the sort she tends to want the most. It might stick and reset some of her perspective on the types of characters she keeps choosing.

You're reminding her that she's a RPer, too, which sounds like a crazy thing to have to remind a RPer, but we do weirdly lose track of this. We get very invested in what we're putting out more than what we've successfully been given, especially when we're not being given much of what we want. So, you're prodding her to recall that there are two parts of this equation, she's been on the side of it - she's wanted to interact specifically with a canon muse because she loved the character/ship with hers/whatever, and has, as we all have, experienced both the disappointment of running through a ton of them who just are not that character and also finding the version that very much is.

This helps to put other people back into perspective in a way that isn't just "interactions." (Read as "desired attention." Which isn't a slam, it's true. It's also not a problem, we all are here to interact, we all enjoy having devoted mutuals and such. It's only a problem when we stop seeing them as anything other than a means to an end for ourselves.) She might be able to relate to them, thus, why they don't like her muses, if she can put herself back into their shoes.

You stick with that and transition it into why she picked the current muse. It's the same deal, there was something about the muse that sparked interest, creativity, etc. What was it? Something that isn't there, or there enough, in her writing. In all the excitement of muse-creation, she's probably let whatever it was slide right out the door. If you can get her to recall that feeling of interest and identify for herself what all triggered it, she might be able to stick with it.

And you've encouraged her again to give people what they want if she wants interactions by developing her muses. You've also done so, if it all applicable and true, by using yourself here, making it feel like not just a common problem, but one experienced and overcome by someone she cares about and trusts.

She might have an issue with needing a lot of high-interest, high-reward scenarios, too.

This is a high-effort, minimum reward situation for her. A lot of us in the RPC have shit like ADHD that can really make this difficult once we're experiencing it in this way, but even those who don't absolutely fall into it as well. So, you'll need ways to make it fun, but...I think if you can sort of kindly trick her into experiencing the effort as its own reward, it'd go a long, long way.

I can't really say what I do, having this problem with high-effort, minimal reward because I don't tend to experience that in RP. The writing is the reward for me, as much as I lose it utterly with happiness every time a writing partner is loving what I've given them. My reward system is set up around the writing and exploring characters. Hers seems to be set up around the reaction to it and amount of engagement with it. You need to try to use the latter to give her some of the former.

If she likes Halloween or Christmas, Fall or Winter, this could be your way into doing it!

Get her hyped about a seasonal prompt list you're doing. This does, yeah, mean you will have to do it, too lol but in the end, any time you aren't able to produce something daily like these lists usually are set up for, you're showing her that it isn't a job she's got to fulfill - the rules are only as strict as she wants to make them for herself. And if you keep yours short and fun, she'll feel like it's perfectly fine and good to do it this way as well. That it doesn't need to be a damn masterpiece or anything, just fun, something different to show off her muse.

While what she's actually doing, in addition to that, is getting in touch with and developing her muse. Importantly, when we write in a way that is just for ourselves like this, we tend to kind of...bond, for lack of a less weird sounding way of putting it, with a muse. It makes them stick with us longer, raising their importance and easier availability to us.

Let her know you're doing this, pick one out you genuinely like, and don't expect her to be down with it immediately. It's work with no foreseeable reward. Except, it's very hard to listen to our friends be excited, proud of themselves, enjoying themselves without wanting to join in. It'll be especially helpful, though, if you think people you interact with will like the posts and comment on them, or even try to turn them into threads if you include their muses (with their consent, of course, and no pressure). If she sees that, it might make it even more interesting to her. You might also have to pose this as her helping you out, that you don't think you'll get more than two done if she isn't doing it as well, as a sort of a challenge she can hold you to.

Whatever you think might work best for engaging her, you know her well, you can do it!

Be there to help her out with ideas if she goes for it. Throw out some easy, fun suggestions you think she might like, that even give her some opportunity to write something with her muse that she doesn't get a chance to. Pull from the muse's canon, is there something in their canon that goes with the prompt word "snow," for instance? Is it something she enjoyed about the canon story? Suggest it. Thinking about both the muse and your friend, is there something else that came to mind about that prompt you could suggest? Do it!

Again, whatever she's most into, it's an angle. Humor? Her serious muse is forced into a ridiculous, funny situation that involves the snow. Angst? A sad memory associated with the snow. Shipping? A romantic, fluffy scene (or steamy one). And so on.

Be there to express interest and encouragement while she's doing it. Don't do things that are going to come off as pressuring or helicopter moming her, of course! Like, asking how much she's gotten done, did she start working on it yet? That's a bad idea, unless she enjoys that sort of thing. Instead, tell her how much you can't wait to see this, ask about how it's going, tell her about yours to encourage her to talk about it.

And be there to be her audience when she posts it. This really seems to be her highest reward, so give it to her. Like the post, comment on the post, tell her in messages. Not individually, all of those things. If you can find a way to that doesn't mess up what you've got going on with your blog, mutuals, other friends, etc., mention it on your blog.

At this point, people might be both aware of her RP habits and wary of engaging with her, but someone might bite if you're enthused and go like the post. If it's applicable, make some jokes about it on the dash, turn it into a moment of inside joke-like crack for people to see. Mention that she wrote this and you loved it, link it or outright reblog her post. Hell, mention that you and her are doing such and such prompts for whatever holiday or season before the fact, that way, it doesn't come out of nowhere to your mutuals, either. Again, if applicable, you can ask to turn it into a thread.

The point, at this juncture, isn't to attract people to her blog and posts, it's to demonstrate to her that this is fun and rewarding. If you can get people to go like the posts, great, but you can only count on yourself to do it at first.

Most people enjoy those sorts of prompts on their dash from mutuals, though. You're always going to have some who feel like it's annoying because it wasn't strictly a RP reply, but whatever, they're not the majority in most fandoms anymore, thankfully. Point is, it's literally showing her mutuals that she's capable of thinking as her muse and working on her muse. It's showing off good things and making her muse more interesting and uniquely hers in a good way. And it's totally possible that she's going to organically generate likes, people wanting to use this as a plot with her for RP, and mutuals who are increasingly following along with every post made.

The hope is that she experiences the beginnings of more interest in the muse than she does making muses, gain some confidence in doing this with the enjoyment of it, and stick with a muse longer than five seconds so that she can actually end up with the interactions she wants.

There are definitely other ways of doing this, the prompt thing just came to mind because it's major prompt season. You've got a prompt list floating around for literally every popular point of interest right now, from whump to extreme fluff to horror to humor. And it's going to keep going until January. It's also something that can be as short as a paragraph or as long as several thousand words, and that a hell of a lot of people don't do all of. So, it's easy, so long as she's got a reason to find it interesting and stay on course with it even a little bit.

You could also try getting her into doing something like moodboards for her muse but with little additions of writing that go along with them. Nothing major, just things like a quote from her muse or a sentence from a starter, thread, whatever.

So long as you can get her to start refocusing on RP being enjoyable from the inside and not just the outside, it's valid as hell to try it! She seems to be experiencing RP as instant gratification and basing that gratification on things she can't control, like popularity.

Right now, even giving her the sober truth that one can write the best version of a canon muse there is to be found, be someone enjoyable and interesting in OOC interactions, and be an amazing writer without that being enough to garner popularity, or even the plots that are wanted. That being a very popular RPer and having more interactions than you know what to do with (honestly sucks ass) isn't a set of absolute values, but rather, variables that are always in flux and often, totally mysterious. It's usually a mixture of total luck, visual appeal, and both mun being on point with what people want to see right this second and muse being the mixture of fanon that is desirable, also, right at this exact second. It is seriously not within anyone's control, no matter how much effort, quality, or even outright bullshit they have to put out there.

If she's ever going to stick to a muse and not find herself envious, upset, and bored it's absolutely got to come from herself. She's got to be popular with herself, enjoying herself regardless of what others are seemingly achieving or want to give her. It's not going to be recognized no matter how harsh or sweet you are about the problem, unless she's capable of really looking at those problems as problems, and I don't think she's going to get to that point through negatively bottoming out. She might get there through the opposite, though!

It's...just going to take a lot of effort and patience from you, with no expectation of reward yourself.

Because it's still likely as hell it's just not going to happen. And while it seems like you are the kind of friend who would find the effort worth it because you care and are invested in her, please know that there's no shame in merely contemplating this and noping right out.

You've got a life and are trying to enjoy the hobby as well! And if it seems like something that could sour your friendship? It's not worth it. You're better off just accepting that she'll inevitably tire of doing this and move on to another hobby, maybe decide to do fandom blogs or something instead that you can support her in.

It's definitely an unenviable and frustrating position you're in. All you can really do is try not to let this negatively impact the friendship, to keep refraining from just outright telling her things she'd find hurtful, and try your best to show her that it's rewarding to develop the muse and stick with it, not a task. That there are improvements she can make to her blog, and that it isn't a negative reflection on her that they can be made. You can try all the compassionate trickery in the world to lead her there, but it's ultimately up to her whether she brushes this off as well, don't let it hurt your feelings or exasperate you too much!

Also, it's totally possible that even if you met through RP and/or it has been a big part of the friendship, you might have grown in different directions in the hobby.

Growing within the hobby is inherent to any hobby you stick to for long enough, especially if you started out in it young. Some people seamlessly just keep growing to things that make them happy, others experience a lot of growing pains along the way as they're maybe ready for change, but only in select areas they have to discover for themselves. Still others grow in a way that doesn't make them very happy, but they're both not ready (or willing) to approach why and what they can do, and also still too attached to the good times they had to reassess whether it's still something they want to do, or if it's something better moved away from into something else.

That's always very difficult as a friend. Difficult in watching your friends not go the same directions as you anymore, even in something as comparatively silly as a hobby, in seeing them not enjoying themselves, and in the possibility that it could signal the end of enjoying the hobby with them. It's sad and frustrating, and can feel lonely, but if you're close enough friends, you've got so many other things to still be good friends over, so keep that in mind!

She might need to keep doing this with her blog and muse situation until she comes not to the realization that she needs to change how she's RPing to get what she wants, but rather, that she wants to stop RPing. That could be the burnout that happens here eventually, but again, not only can you still be great friends, if it makes her happier, it's good.

#answered #anonymous #rp problems #rp advice

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theyearsiturnedintoaghost · 3 years

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Hello, Is This Thing On?

Hi! (as mentioned above). Do people still use this thing? I have no idea. Years ago, and I do mean YEARS ago, I had one of these. I didn’t use it for much, just reposting things, following humans I’d met in online communities, a ‘celebrity’ here or there, sometimes screaming about shit I couldn’t control into the void that is the endless scrolling interweb, and being pointless in wasting my time between classes, work, and twenty-something. Regardless, my previous tumblr had minimal followers, made minimal impact, and that was okay. It was honestly just a nice place to sort of hide in plain sight. Still be part of a social world without actually having to do much. This was also pre a billion other apps and social media outlets to express yourself or scroll mindlessly at a million other pointless things that people were posting to make you giggle or even just stop for a second and think.

Clearly, the point of this, back then, felt like something I would use to help propel my writing career. Turns out, it did not. I did not write much, if at all. And most of the time I think it was because I was scared nothing was as good as any of the other stuff I was reading from people I liked, and thought were so much cooler and smarter than me; I still feel this way all of the time, but I do realize this was me being nervous, small minded about myself, and completely unconfident.

Unfortunately, I am still most of these things a lot of the time, but recently, after getting fired from a job, having my heart broken by pretty much everyone on the planet, especially a few specific people, cancelled by all of my friends (?) - this is a thing btw. (It’s not as awful as being cancelled publicly, but it does still ruin your life, mindset, confidence, and overall physical and mental wellbeing) Getting a new job, hating it and feeling like I was going no where, and missing out on living a life I felt proud of and that I was actively participating in, I decided maybe I should just try to write it all out and see what happens.

To be frank, I expect nothing of this. I can’t fathom a world where anything I have to say truly matters to people because lets be real - everyone has this own shit and everyone is going through so much all of the time. And we all think we have something new, quirky, interesting, and important to say. And in a world that constantly shoves perfection down our throats and works so hard to make each of us feel completely inadequate to every Kardashian, Beyonce, Grande, etc., it’s hard to really think that anything I have to say will matter to anyone; at all.

(I also hate that all of my ‘perfectionist’ people were female, but maybe it’s harder to compare to Golden Boys when you are a female. Either way, there are many boys/men/theys/thems that are put on a pedestal and made out to be perfect out there, as well, and they deserve that notation as well. I just have no points of reference off the top of my head, so please forgive me; I am trying to do this in a stream of consciousness type thing.)

I mean, the truth is, I’m a fucking mess. I’m 33, single, living at home, afraid of my own shadow most of the time, and spend about 98% of my time alone. I pay for a phone plan that I literally only use to send memes to my two sisters, and that’s about it. I rarely receive texts, invites out, or even calls to make plans for something. And while a lot of this is my own doing - again, I did cut off most of the world after I realized I was sort of the joke to a lot of people - it’s still kind of pathetic, and entirely uncool. I am not a socialite, or someone cool and trendy, and to be honest, I kind of never want to be.

Which is a semi-false statement, because years ago, when I had one of these previously, I sort of hoped it would work out and that I could write and be ‘cool.’ Whatever the fuck that means. But now, years later, I’m honestly beyond glad I am not cool; not in the slightest. Maybe that’s making it to your 30s? Maybe the trade for having to create a daily routine of lathering up my body with like 9 different versions of FDA-Approved-Vampire-Juice on my skin to prevent me from looking any older than I already do, you in turn get to have a brain that finally realizes... having a ‘normal’ life is honestly pretty cool? Normal is clearly subjective here as everyone is normal, famous, notoriety, or not; They’re all still humans and people with feelings, thoughts, and emotions. This is a hard thing to realize when you see stadiums full of people screaming at Harry Styles (Boom! found a male perfect in this scatterbrain) or hundreds of paparazzi lined up to take photos of every person on a red carpet wearing clothing that costs as much as my student loan debt (Which sidenote, is VERYYYYYY much). It’s hard to fully realize that maybe some of those people who became ‘icons’ never really knew what they were getting into when they signed that deal with the Devil to make them seemingly immortal; especially in a world with the internet where everything can exist forever (or until the world explodes, clearly). But maybe getting into my 30s and removing myself from most social media outlets, even listening to the news, or caring about whatever fucking popular haircut was in this season (it’s always bangs, and I’ve already made that mistake. No thanks), that I learned to realize - the truly most important people in your life are the ones that stick with you when it’s tough. When getting out of bed is so hard your limbs ache and you cry every morning on your way to work, at your desk behind your computer screen hidden in a corner, or in a bathroom stall during your lunch break. The normalcy that comes with realizing your prayers to ‘just make it to five o’clock,’ are heard and that you are just so thankful for that that you don’t even desire the innate feeling in most of our egos to stand out, be seen, ‘Make it’ in a way that lets people notice we ‘succeeded.’ Maybe this only comes with the realization of how nice it is to go to a grocery store braless and unnoticed.

Maybe this is also something I, and so many of us in this point and shoot viral world, are trying to still learn.

Sure, a lot of days I still crave being able to make a perfect Pintrest project, practice my Late Night interview with Letterman where I sound funny, charming, and likeable to all walks of life, or recreate a recipe from the New York Times website so great that The Barefoot Contessa finds out through word of mouth, and comes to my basement hide out, and offers to give me, a fellow barefoot loving bitch, her title and crown along with a glass of wine and a kiss from her husband, Jeffery. We’ll both laugh at how lovely it feels to be Barefoot ladies who understand that wanting ‘fame’ or ‘recognition’ in your twenties is only really a pathway to destruction by your 30s.

And this is not exactly something that I learned easy. In fact, I spent most of my twenties destroying my body with drugs - plenty of hard ones - and alcohol - various kinds of the same things - in order to numb my brain from the sadness that is just... being young, lonely, scared, unsure of yourself, and nervous that all of your hopes and expectations for yourself in your ‘dream life’ are too much for what you and your actual self will ever be capable of ever becoming. That I would never become the comedian I dreamed of being, or sing the perfect song in front of a crowd of admirers, or write that best selling book to tell everyone who thought I was nothing they could go fuck themselves. It’s something I still have to remind myself, and my brain and ego, that are most likely things I will never do because those are lottery dreams. And people you know don’t actually win the lottery. And at the end of the day, I am people you know. And sometimes it breaks my own heart to realize I may never feel that rush of making a crowd laugh, or creating a piece of art that makes someone feel seen, but as Pam, from The Office said, and I am paraphrasing, ‘there is beauty in ordinary things.’ And I think reminding myself of that as I sat on the beach this summer and watched a dad teach his son to surf, and how happy they both were when he got up, gave me that brief feeling of... being okay. I won’t lie, I did cry a little at this realization at that moment, and I am slightly teary now as I write it, but I think I’m not ashamed of that because being normal means I get to feel things as I do, in that moment, and that is something I think I lacked in my desiring-bigger-flashier- twenties; actually being present in the world and your place in it. Even if that is just as small as being kind to a random person on the street.

I think that is why everything I felt I wanted to write never came out correct. It never came out ‘Perfect.’ And that was my problem for most of my life, even up until today, I’m afraid that I am a perfectionist in the ways that are preventing me from becoming... me. I’m still fearful that I am too late in ever ‘accomplishing’ anything I ever dreamed. I doubt I will ever actually write a book. I’m unsure I’ll ever make a decent living. I am beyond doubtful I am ever going to be loveable to someone whom I also want to love back. And maybe I’m a little scared that I’ll never have a kid, or that if I do have a kid, I’ll never be a decent parent. And I’m still working on breaking the cycle of thinking something has to ‘sound’ or ‘be seen as important’ to be meaningful. There is beauty in the ordinary. I’ve started to make it my mantra. Spoken in my head every time I see a teenage couple holding hands walking in town, a father holding their baby close to his chest, a woman dressed in a power suit striding through an office building or city on their way to make their own careers or push equality further. I’ve started to dream of how actual normalcy makes the real changes. How every 4th grade teacher has a chance to change some kids life.

Clearly, a lot of these personal fears I have about myself not being ‘enough,’ or doing something good enough to become successful at it and build a life out of it, are monotonous fears and privileged middle-class complaints. I’m aware they may not resonate with anyone, anything, or mean much more than just being an online public diary entry to my own meandering thoughts, but, still - I finally felt like I had to try.

So here it is, the whole truth on how I let myself become a ghost for years.

I hope someone will stick around while I just... try to explain it all, figure it all out, and hopefully make sense out of even being whatever a human who is hoping to grow even means. Hopefully, something here will resonate with someone else and we can create our own little weirdo corner of the world where we’re not seeking more than just trying to be honest with ourselves and what it means to be human. Even if that means just posting a recipe for banana bread (thank you Gwen Steffani for keeping me able to spell Banana), reposting random memes about how we all want to scream for 30 seconds and feel better, or sad-girl diary entry posts about how I ruined my own life a million times over. Oh, and maybe I’ll give you tips on how to stain your wood deck, because I spent my day doing that yesterday and basically, Home Depot is calling me to be in their ADs.

But at the core of it all, lets be very real, it’s hard to be human in so many ways. And I’m just hoping this connects with anyone. Especially any of us who wished we were different - in any way.

xoxo

-K

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straykidsupdate · 4 years

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STRAY KIDS INSPIRE THEIR GENERATION TO PICK UP THE MIC

K-POP’S YOUNG DISRUPTORS NAVIGATE ADULTHOOD ALONGSIDE THEIR FANS

Stray Kids are fighting with their fans to determine who adores the other most. The fans started it, erupting into an impromptu chant inside Microsoft Theater in downtown Los Angeles: "We love you! We love you!," they shout, repeatedly. The sound is deafening, catching the boy band off guard. The eight members retaliate with their own impassioned chorus. "We love Stay," they respond, referencing their legions of international devotees. Both sides scream until, ultimately, Stray Kids admit defeat; they stand awkwardly onstage, apparently unsure how to receive the unrivaled adulation. Bang Chan, the Korean group's steadfast leader, looks around the venue in awe, while sensible vocalist Seungmin makes a heart with his hands and points to the crowd, resolved to have the last word.

This is not the first time Stray Kids has lost the battle of who-loves-who. It’s happened in cities across the United States, from New York to Dallas, amidst their District 9: Unlock world tour. It's canon, chiseled into the group's short but colorful history, alongside such viral moments as "Seungmin in the building" and "I'm not gonna leave you behind." Displays of affection between idols and fans are nothing new but, with Stray Kids, they’re never forced.

"It doesn't matter how old you are," Bang Chan tells the crowd mid-show, intensity building with every word. "It doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl, or whoever you choose to be. It doesn't matter where you're from — everyone is welcome in our special district."

Two weeks prior to this performance, Stray Kids — Bang Chan, Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, and I.N — are gazing from a conference room in a Times Square skyscraper. The sky is gray, but that doesn't deter Hyunjin from posing for a series of selfies against the floor-to-ceiling window. As the lithe dancer works his angles, his bandmates are scattered throughout the room. Han props his phone against the room’s A/V controls to watch an anime; Bang Chan hunches over his own phone, thumbing the screen intently; Lee Know rests his eyes; and Australia-born Felix gossips about last night's Grammy Awards. Like any teen, he's obsessed with Billie Eilish, and her historic Grammys sweep is hard for him to fathom. "Can you believe it?" he says, eyes wide and sparkling. "She's only 18. It's amazing."

But at 19, the deep-voiced rapper, whose delicate features betray his cherry-red hair, has similarly found success at a young age. Within a year of their 2018 debut, Stray Kids received 11 rookie awards and released five EPs. In fact, while Eilish and her brother Finneas were crafting homemade beats in a Highland Park bedroom, JYP Entertainment's tenacious boy wonders were honing their own unique sound in a small studio in Seoul, South Korea. Members Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han comprise the group's primary production trio, 3RACHA, and they've been making music together since their trainee days in 2017. Introspective early tracks like "Start Line" and "Runner's High" laid the foundation for Stray Kids' sonic identity: With the disruptive power of punk, they deliver astute, poignant lyrics about the bristly experience of growing up and its side effects.

"The things we worry about and the things Stay worry about — we share a lot of the same struggles," Han tells MTV News. "Even though our ambitions are different, we work hard just the same. It becomes our inspiration musically." As the creative force behind two of the group's more vulnerable cuts, "19" and "Sunshine," the 19-year-old rapper reveals his innermost thoughts and anxieties to the fans. But that honesty can be frightening.

"It's nerve-racking for us," Bang Chan says. "Sometimes we think, 'If we talk about this, will people understand? Will they relate?' We're always thinking about how we can reach people through our lyrics because we want our music to help."

That empathy has been woven throughout their music from the beginning. Stray Kids’ first singles, the pre-debut track "Hellevator" and the darkly riotous "District 9," are full of angst and aggression, soundtracks for those who balk at societal pressures and follow their own rules. "My Pace" is an empowering anthem teeming with energy and affirmations. ("Don't compare yourself with others," Bang Chan sings on the hook. "It's OK to run slower.") Songs like "Voices" and "Side Effects" offer an intimate glimpse into the tumultuous mind of a young person still figuring out their place in the world, while "Miroh" and "Victory Song" are bursting with big sounds and youthful bravado.

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"Young people today may feel a bit trapped, like you're constantly being told what to do and you feel like you can't speak for yourself," Bang Chan says. "So we want people our age to feel comfortable speaking out and talking about what they think."

By encouraging their fans to examine their own growing pains, to feel everything, they ensure that their message is never didactic. "All strayed steps come together to make a new road," they say at their concert. And with their latest release, "Levanter," off their sixth EP Clé: Levanter, Stray Kids come to the understanding that the journey is more meaningful than the destination, and the path ahead is ultimately theirs to define. So they double knot their shoelaces and dash full-speed ahead. "We might not know what the actual goal is, but as long as we're running hard and we're running as a group, whatever comes is going to be good anyway," Bang Chan says. "We just wish that a lot of people out there could listen to our music and get a lot of energy and hope from it."

Like 25-year-old Selina, who connects to their lyrics because she's "still on that journey of figuring out what I want to do and who I want to be," she says, clutching her Stray Kids light stick (a compass, now featuring Bang Chan's name written on the handle) outside of Microsoft Theater. Her friend Joseline, 18, likes that the members "have other priorities and interests outside of being a K-pop idol" that they reveal through daily Instagram posts, livestreams on the V Live app, TikToks, and weekly YouTube videos and vlogs. "He's not just Han from Stray Kids, he's Han Jisung — rapper, producer, and person," she adds.

For Kambree, 17, the group has a "positive vibe" that makes her feel happy and accepted. "They make us feel like family, no matter who you are or what you look like," she adds. Her best friend Lexxie, 17, says Stray Kids "make me feel like I'm not alone with my issues." And So Yun, 30, finds their mix of "hard-hitting EDM" and "super angsty" lyrics reminiscent of the emo bands she listened to in high school. "It's the same rebellious spirit that I felt as a teen when you want to be your own person and figure out your own voice."

Their music has given Louis, 30, a newfound perspective. "I like the ['Levanter'] lyric, 'I want to be myself, I don't care' — that line resonates with me because we live in a society where people try to mold you, but at the same time, I just want to myself and at this point, I really don't care!"

Best friends Ella and Jazlynn, both 19, met online through their mutual love of Stray Kids, and they've customized their light sticks with glitters and holographic stickers of their favorite members' names. "Half of the group is technically my age, so I can look at them and see how successful they are, and it gives me inspiration to work harder," Jazlynn says, an I.N banner at her side. And while they do feel comforted by the authenticity in the group's songs, as Ella explains, it's who they are off-stage that many fans connect with most. "When you see Felix do the Renegade, it's like, 'I do that too!'"

Their ability to ignite the stage with powerful performances while staying true to themselves behind the scenes — as both K-pop's reigning meme kings and young men navigating adulthood — is what makes Stray Kids so relatable to a generation that experiences much of their lives online. "This generation is comfortable being alone," Changbin says. "We have our phones. We don't always need to be talking to each other to be together. Sometimes a text is fine."

And they're pretty normal, too. Bang Chan and Changbin watch videos from Tomorrowland and Ultra Music Festival to help clear their minds in the studio; the tracks "Road Not Taken" and "Stop" are the direct results of such self-care. Han's idea of a perfect day would be to "not come out of my room for 24 hours." If he could spend all day watching YouTube videos, he would. In fact, he says "Sunshine" was inspired by a scene in the Korean drama Boys Over Flowers, where the main characters travel to an idyllic private island. Though Han’s larger-than-life presence dominates the stage, he identifies as an introvert and admits he hopes to "overcome" his shyness. "On my ideal perfect day, I'd try new experiences and meet new people comfortably," he says. "You can do it!" Bang Chan adds, encouragingly.

Youngest member I.N makes time to go shopping, though he prefers to "chill" on his days off. And when Felix isn't playing video games or destroying kitchens with Seungmin, he frequents Seoul's finest dog cafes. "We have so many dog lovers in our group," he says, smiling. "I've been looking at a lot of dogs, and I feel like they help you feel better. I really want a dog with the team." Jisung points at Seungmin, whose nickname is "puppy," and Bang Chan adds, "We already have one." Seungmin scrunches his nose and says, "No way!" (But Han insists he's a "really bad boy.")

Meanwhile, Hyunjin, who’s known by fans for his theatrics and commanding stage presence is extremely open with his emotions. He frequents V Live, where he offers personal advice to viewers of his video series Hyunjin’s Counseling Center. But the 19-year-old admits that opening up to Stay has helped him, too. "I don't always have a lot of confidence," he says. “When I want to be comforted or when I’m feeling kind of sad, Stay are really good at consoling me. I want to be able to repay that comfort in full."

"The connection between Stay and Stray Kids would be family," Felix adds. Han jokes that they're the "annoying and mischievous" little brothers. But it's that sense of connection, among the group as well as with their fans, that has cemented Stray Kids as the vital voices of their generation.

"The struggles we're going through — anxiety, stress, school, love — they tell us to take our time and see where our path leads," Selina says. "It's OK to stray from it. Just stay true to yourself. I always associate that with them. The idea of 'You Make Stray Kids Stay' is to find out what it is that grounds you and just keep going."

And Stray Kids don't plan to slow down any time soon. Having wrapped their Clé series at the end of last year with Levanter, 2020 offers an exciting fresh page for new musical experimentations, starting with the three original unit songs the group produced for the tour. "Wow" is a sexy R&B track from dancers Lee Know, Hyunjin, and Felix. It's also their first explicit love song. "We wanted to try a sexy song because it's a special stage," Hyunjin says, explaining that the dancers worked on their own lyrics in addition to helping with the slinky choreography. "We wanted to include moves that we haven't tried before," Lee Know adds, noting that they wanted something sexy and powerful. "So it was a new experience."

"My Universe," featuring vocalists Seungmin and I.N with an assist from Changbin, is a bright pop ballad. "I always wanted to try something like that," I.N says, eyes smiling. Seungmin tells Changbin from across the table, "Thanks for helping." And 3RACHA's "We Go" oozes confidence over a scorching trap beat. "We made 'We Go' last time we were here [in the United States]," Bang Chan says. "We made around three to four songs in one day… The performance is really fun as well. And those two [he points to Han and Changbin] got to have the chance to use Autotune live."

They also released their first English singles in January, a process that rapper Changbin, known for his furious flow, calls "difficult." ("It was fun," Hyunjin argues beside him.) "I was listening to Changbin's rap [in 'Double Knot'] like, 'Why is this so fast? What am I going to write?'" Bang Chan says. "I tried to write it as easy as possible so that he could speak it well. I'm really glad that they could record it really well for me."

In March, they'll debut in Japan. And there's another mixtape project in the works, kicked off by the digital release of "Gone Days," a relaxed, Autotune-laced anthem for the "OK Boomer" generation. A play on the Korean word kkondae, it describes someone who pushes outdated ideas and expectations onto another based only on their age and status — and signals the arrival of a bold new direction. "I think [young people] now just need to be more comfortable with themselves," Bang Chan says of his inspiration for the track. "By being yourself, you never know what's going to happen."

"I always believe that one person can change the world," he adds. "So if you have a thought or an idea, just let it out. Because who knows? You can make the world a much better place."

#stray kids #200227 #ot8 #era: clé levanter #t: article #MTV News

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