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notiddygxthgf · 10 months

Text

12. three months

★ pairings: plug!wakasa imaushi x f!reader

★ synopsis: the one where you have the hots for your dealer, and Wakasa is always eager to please a customer. (don't let your bf stop you from finding ur hubby)

★ content warning: smut, angst, lotta porn w a lotta plot, car sex, dealer wakasa, cheating, oral sex, sneaky link, vaginal sex, vaginal fingering, sex while high, consensual drug use, mentions of abuse, unprotected sex, so much more...

★ a/n: so.... I have definitely been on hiatus. So so so sorry about that my little pookie bookies. life has been so cray cray lately. ur fave premed student has been struggling ngl. but I'm back up on my grind and I'm cranking out these chapters again! This one took a while to write because its definitely not a writing style I'm used to, but I needed to get this out to get to the good good. waka girlies, u will enjoy this chapter... I'm not spoiling but, stay tuned!!! love u allllll

★ w.c.; who even knows bru

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BLACK STILETTO HEELS CLICKED AGAINST linoleum, one after the other – the sounds rhythmic and soothing. You could faintly hear the fabric of your pencil skirt rustling as your thighs rubbed together, strutting down the aisle of the office with confident ease. You ran these streets. Least, that’s what it felt like when you came down that aisle every morning after you clocked in.

Right. Let’s run it back.

Three months had passed since your last meeting with Wakasa. You had taken some time to mull the whole thing over, and while a part of you wanted to hate him, you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

Three months of thinking, eight months of loneliness, three months spent repeating the same day over and over again. Three months at a job you didn’t really like, trying to make ends meet after Takeomi had cut you off.

Three months without him .

The unopened message sat in your phone the way it had been since you’d sent it. It seemed like years, now, that you had been running your tired gaze over the small field of text below the drunken mash of letters you had sent.

Read 12:01 AM

Swishing the burgundy booze around the bottom of your glass, you rested your head against the cold, unforgiving surface of the bar table.

You swiped your ID through the reader, punching out for the day. Pocketing the little card and lanyard, you continued onward. You came up to an elevator, same one you used every day. You pressed the same buttons to get down to the same door you left through every day.

Every day.

With a quick nod of your head, you greeted your coworker – who was on her way in just as you were making your way out. You weren’t too big of a fan of her, in all honesty. You felt she was too superficial. Then again, who wasn’t in a place like this?

You were making good money, though. That’s all that mattered.

The rush of cool air that greeted you as you pushed past the gold-rimmed office doors provided a brief respite from the stuffy office. The city streets stretched before you, bustling with activity as people hurried by.

You took a deep breath.

Heels clicking against the pavement with every step, you walked with a purpose. The air of confidence you strived to exude seemed to mask your internal turmoil – feelings you felt were much better left unsaid, feelings that had been bottled away in the cellar of your mind for the past three months.

Three months of repetition.

Three months of regret.

Three months spent trying to remember the intricate valleys and curves of his body, the small features you had come to adore.

Three months spent trying to forget him.

Though you had struggled initially with your feelings toward Wakasa, you couldn’t really bring yourself to hate him. You had spent a good quarter of a year mulling it over in your head, breaking your last interaction with him into microscopic bits and pieces.

You had concluded that he had done it to protect you.

You knew he had been right to an extent but, shit… a man of his standing should have been able to find a way to make it happen…

…right?

You hadn’t heard much about Takeomi since the fight with him and Waka. Not even a peep. You didn’t know whether to feel alarmed about that or not.

You felt like you were being watched from a distance. Always. It felt like you were trapped in a never-ending cycle.

With your phone in hand, you dialed the number for a cab. The familiar anticipation began to build again while you waited for the vehicle to arrive.

On the streets below, the city lights flickered to life, casting an amber glow on the sidewalk. You looked around for a moment, and then something piqued your attention.

Vrrrr.

There was a deep, rumbling sound in the distance, one that seized your heart in its grasp. For a moment, you were right back where you had been eight months ago. Your eyes searched the street until they fell upon a motorcyclist who had slowed to a stop in front of your building. Well, not in front of it, across the street.

The sight of the rider stirred a pang of nostalgia deep within you.

In that split second, memories flickered through your mind. Memories of stolen laughter, hidden kisses… Memories of hushed promises against soft lips, some broken and some kept. His silhouette triggered an unexpected surge of hope.

You strained to see the rider’s face, heart racing. You yearned for that familiar, lazy gaze – the warmth it once held.

But as he popped the helmet off of his head, it wasn’t blond hair that fell over his shoulders. No, just regular old brown hair and a stubbly face.

It’s not him.

The realization hit you like a punch to the gut.

Your gaze fell.

The cab’s arrival disrupted the moment, its tires screeching against the pavement until it came to a stop by the curb. With a weighted sigh, you climbed into the cab.

Your heart throbbed with a bittersweet ache. As the cab pulled away, you couldn’t help but wonder about the chances you wished you had taken with Wakasa, the what-ifs that lingered in the recesses of your mind.

The cab carried you away from the scene, leaving behind the phantom of a love that had become a haunting memory.

The cold, yellow liquid felt refreshing as it burned its way down the back of his throat, that familiar acidic texture eating away at his stress. He sighed, setting the glass down on the counter.

As the bittersweet elixir numbed his senses, the pulsing beats of the club melted away, merging with the cacophony of laughter and chatter all around him.

Lost in a haze of intoxication, Wakasa let out a heavy sigh, setting the glass down on the counter with a thud. His friends eyed him up warily, faces etched with that familiar look of concern. He heard voices, people telling him to slow down, to regain control.

Of course, he paid them no heed. Glazed eyes reflecting a distant detachment, senses dulled from the liquor… worries numbed, just the way he liked it. In that numbing embrace, he found solace. Time and time again.

“I think you need a therapist, man,” Benkei whistled, nursing his own strawberry margarita. “If you’re still hung up over a hook-up this long after the fact, there’s something wrong with you.”

He pushed his friend’s concerns aside with an air of indifference and a quiet hum, too caught up in the muffled chaos of his own mind to truly acknowledge his worries.

“I think you need ‘ta hop off my dick,” He retorted, pursing his lips. “I know what I’m doin’, Kei. ‘M 27 years old.”

Benkei knitted his brows, muttering something into his margarita along the lines of, “Sure don’t act like it.”

“‘M fine, guys. Promise,” He smiled, although it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He knew he hadn’t been himself in a while, of course, but he would be damned if he admitted that. “What, a man can’t drink in peace?”

“No, Waka, the problem isn’t you drinking in peace,” Shin added matter-of-factly. “‘S the fact that that’syour eighth beer of the night.”

Waka glanced down at the half-empty drink in his hand – or half full, depending on how you looked at it – as if he, too were surprised at the number. “‘S Friday night, anyway. Go hard or go home.”

Waka thought he had put on a good show. He thought that, if Shin squinted hard enough, he could mistake him for a sober man.

He thought wrong.

Shin shook his head, “It’s fuckin’ Thursday, man.”

Although he refused to acknowledge it verbally, he knew Shinichiro had brought up a good point.

Who was he kidding, anyway? It didn’t help. None of it did. The booze, the clubs every weekend, the faceless hookups and lap dances – none of it distracted him from the mess you had made in his heart.

Three months.

“It’s okay to admit you need help, Waka, y’know we love ‘ya,” Shin tilted his head. “Seriously.”

“Honest to God,” Benkei hummed.

The whole world knew he was a mess. Why couldn’t he just admit that something was wrong?

Waka ran his tongue over his teeth like the sharpened edge of a blade. He almost hoped it would draw blood. Anything to make him feel something.

“I…” He hummed, trailing off for a moment. “I think I need one more shot, then I’ll go home.”

Benkei shook his head.

Shin looked disappointed. Still, Waka couldn’t quite bring himself to care.

Not even when his two friends had to carry him home.

[ 2:00 AM ]

Outgoing Message - 2:00 AM

You get home safe?

Incoming Message - 2:00 AM

Yeah man. Thx 4 askin.

He holdin’ up ok?

Outgoing Message - 2:00 AM

He’s alr now, im staying w him tn

Gotta make sure he don’t puke in his sleep

Lol

Incoming Message - 2:00 AM

This ain’t healthy for him…

Outgoing Message - 2:00 AM

Ik… we gotta do smth man

Incoming Message - 2:00 AM

Ik, h8 2 see him like this

Outgoing Message - 2:01 AM

Idk i mean my lil sis is friends w her i think?

It may be time for ummm

Incoming Message - 2:02 AM

An intervention lol?

You know how Waka feels ab us gettin involved w his antics

Outgoing Message - 2:02 AM.

Not us.

I know a way

Incoming Message - 2:02 AM

It don’t involve Take’s ex girl, do it?

Outgoing Message - 2:03 AM

Jus follow my lead, alr?

Incoming Message - 2:03 AM

… I don’t like where this is headin, shin.

But I trust u.

Delivered.

[ USER CALL LOG ]

Best Bud (Waka)....... (Incoming) 5:00 PM (30 sec)

Lil sis (Emma) ………. (Outgoing ; declined) 2:10 AM

Lil sis (Emma) ………. (Outgoing ; received) 2:11 AM (26 mins)

Benkei …………………. (Outgoing ; received) 2:12 AM (1 min)

Shibuya Pizzeria ……. (Outgoing ; received) 2:30 AM (1 min).

[ END OF USER “Papi Sano”S CALL LOG]

[2:05 AM]

[Automated]: you have 3 new messages. Play back?

[USER] Selected:

[NO] …

… [View Inbox]

…

[ Last 3 Months ].

[REPLAY>>] Message from ‘Pretty Thing’.

Transcription:

“ Hi Waka, It’s me… I know ‘s… [hiccup] been a while. I’m- Just. Wanted to let you know that I’m in the area. And, first of all… fuck you, for what you did to, to me, you– ugh. You bastar- [hiccup] -d. I’m calling to let you know that I’m much better off without you. Me and my girls are havin’ a ball… a… a ball here tonight. Without you…….. Ugh, who am I kidding. I don’t even know why I called you. You probably haven’t even thought about me in months. I know I’m g’nna [hiccup] wake up tomorrow and forget I even sent this message so– [hiccup] just do me a favor, okay? You owe me that, after breaking my heart the way you did. Just forget you never saw this message, okay? Delete it. It’ll be better for both ‘f us if we just pretended this never happened. Fuck. How do I delete a voice message? I–

[???]: Girl, who are you talking to?

I gotta go, Waka, but… [sigh] I miss you. Okay? Fuck, I really miss you. I would never admit that sober. Thankfully I’m gonna delete this message before you ever see it, so it’ll be like it never happened. Not like I would have remembered anyway. Okay. Which button is it again? Ah, wait, shi –”

[ End of Message. ]

[Automated]: Would you like to play the next message?

[ No. ]

[ Play ]

[Automated]: Replaying message from ‘Pretty thing’.

The harsh neon lights buzzed against the night sky tonight at the Eclipse. Even from where you were standing on the curb, you could hear the bass throbbing through the pavement, the vibrations in the air, the smell of sweaty bodies grinding a few yards away.

YOU | I’m here babe wya

Hitting send, you pocketed your phone. You took a deep breath, tightened your grip around the strap of your purse, and then stepped forward. The moment you entered the club, a wave of sound and sensation enveloped you. The air was thick with perfumes and colognes, the faint aroma of liquor lingering somewhere – probably the ground.

Disco lights painted the crowd in fleeting bursts of colors, highlighting dancing bodies, dazzling outfits, and sin.

In all honesty, you had no idea why Emma had even thought to invite you out here tonight. It had been eons since your last trip to the club. But, still, she said some event was happening and she didn’t want to go alone, and who were you if not the world’s best friend?

You searched the crowd for her familiar face and, sure enough, there she was, standing by the bar on the far end of the room. Blonde hair down to her back and a sweetheart dress that revealed just enough cleavage for you to know she was scouting out free drinks tonight, she was hard to miss.

You couldn’t help but smile as she waved you down wildly, gold bangles glinting beneath the club’s kaleidoscopic lights. There was an old song playing, one you couldn’t quite remember.

Emma’s grin only widened after you approached the bar and took a seat next to her. You scooted a little closer, cupping your hands over your mouth and shouting, “You weren’t kidding about this place!”

She laughed, a sound that you could almost hear in your head despite not being able to catch it over the music. “It’ll be fun! You brought ‘ya dancin’ shoes, right?”

Your eyes darted over to the dancefloor, where bodies writhed beneath the bass of the music. The sensation you felt was somewhere between excitement and hesitation. “I ‘dunno if I’m there yet, Emma– It’s been a while!”

“What?” Emma shouted. She rolled her eyes, glancing down at the other end of the bar. “I didn’t bring you here to mope, babe, we’re getting plastered!”

On cue, the bartender returned with two green drinks in hand, furnished with tiny little umbrellas. He set them down in front of the two of you, reached behind the bar, and then set two more red cocktails down before you.

“Let’s get this party started!” Emma squealed, sliding one of the green drinks your way. She held her drink in your direction, “To girls’ night!”

You clinked your glasses together in a toast.

Taking a cautious sip, you allowed the sweet concoction to flood your parched mouth. It was coconutty, with a hint of lime and –

The liquor hit you like a punch to the face. You scrunched your nose up, coughing a bit.

“Shit, that’s strong,” You remarked.

“It’s a Coco Loco!” She answered the question you had yet to ask. “With two extra shots of rum! I knew you’d like it!”

You weren’t really a fan honestly, but you didn’t want to tell her that. Not after she had just spent money on drinks for the both of you.

“It’s good,” You said anyway.

Emma clapped a hand on your shoulder, “That’s the spirit!” She exclaimed happily. Her makeup was creased a bit around the corners of her lips, where you knew she had been smiling all night. “Melt the pain away, girl.”

Wakasa stumbled out of the car, pulling his arm out of Shinichiro’s tight grasp. His annoyance was palpable in the way he kicked the car door shut behind him, paying no mind to the driver as he pulled away. He stood now on the edge of a bustling sidewalk in the middle of what might have been the shadiest-looking corner in Shibuya. He took a long drag from his cigarette, tendrils of smoke melting into the midnight blue around them.

“The hell are we doing at a seedy joint like this?” Waka grumbled, voice a low growl of discontent. With a scowl, he readjusted the collar of his deep purple dress shirt.

Shinichiro bounced on the balls of his feet, stuffing his hands into his pockets with a sigh. His breath materialized into the air in front of him, a cloud of white amidst the darkness.

“Figured we’d let loose a ‘lil tonight,” He spoke with such casualty that it almost came off as a little dismissive. He nudged Wakasa playfully, a humorous glint playing in his dark eyes. “Find some loose local girls for a quickie, yeah?”

Under any other circumstances, he would have been jumping at the opportunity. Seeing as he had spent the last few months attempting to drink his regrets away, however, he was anything but chipper at the prospect.

Waka’s annoyance only deepened, brows furrowing. He took another puff of his cig, blowing out the smoke with a quiet scoff. “I’m over fuckin’, man,” he groaned. “I’m goin’ celibate… startin’ today, no more bitches f’me.”

“Like I’d ever believe that from you,” Shinichiro snorted, a subtle grin playing at the corner of his thin lips. He slung an arm over Wakasa’s shoulders. The height difference between the two of them was emphasized as they walked side by side. “Jus’ give it an hour, Waka,” he urged, tone oddly persuasive. “If you hate it, we can leave. If you don’t have a chick’s legs wrapped around your neck by the end of the night, I owe you fifty.”

Waka sucked his teeth, irritation melting away with newfound curiosity. “Might do it ‘jus to spite ‘ya,” He retorted.

“Right. Wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Shinichiro replied, a mischievous glint dancing in his eyes. There was something in his tone that raised Wakasa’s suspicion, the slightest feeling that Shinichiro might be up to something. “And don’t be bitchy with me ‘jus because I won’t let you pregame a fuckin’ liquor bar.”

Waka shot Shinichiro a fiery glare, cigarette ember glowing bright, before flicking the thing onto the ground in one deliberate motion. “Blow me,” he muttered beneath his breath.

The two men stood in front of the club’s entrance. Wakasa slowed, locking his gaze onto the club’s exterior. Then, with a reluctant sigh, Waka entered the building.

As the night wore on, you found yourself lost in the spell of the music, lost in the endless sea of dancing, grinding bodies. The colored lights were hot against your sweaty skin. You knew the makeup would be melting off of your face by the end of the night if you kept going on at this rate. Hell, your mascara had started migrating already.

Emma’s Just-dance-inspired moves were contagious. The two of you were dancing on one another, performing a routine you seemed to remember all too well for someone who hated playing Just Dance so much.

The club seemed to ebb and flow like a living organism tonight.

You had lost track of time a long time ago. The songs had begun to bleed together seamlessly. Somewhere along the way, you lost your sweater. The dress you had decided to wear was stuck to your waist, plastered down with sweat.

Yet, in spite of this, you were having more fun than you had anticipated.

Your flow was broken only when Emma grabbed you by the arm and led you to an empty corner. The both of you caught your breath.

Cheeks hot and flushed, you sighed contentedly, “I can’t believe I’m saying this, Emma, but you were right.”

“You havin’ fun, girly?” She giggled, giving you a playful sock in the arm. “Told you you’d feel better if you got out of the house.”

You nodded, feeling slightly liberated. She was right. You were actually kind of glad that you came out of your shell for tonight.

Emma raised a playful brow. “You want to get a refresher?”

With a nod and a thin-lipped smile, you let Emma lead you over to the bar.

The two of you took a seat for the second time that evening, taking a moment to cool down and catch your breath.

Emma turned her attention to the bartender – the same one she had just tried to hit on 30 minutes ago, “Two waters, please,” She ordered.

You tuned the bar out after that. Feeling a little melancholic, your eyes scanned the scene. The lights, the bodies, the music, the drinks. It was all so… messy. Yet, still, there was that unmistakable electricity in the air tonight.

Just as you were about to turn back to Emma, your gaze locked onto a figure against the wall. Immediately the recognition set in, and your heart skipped more than a few beats. It seemed to stop altogether.

There, standing in the dim corner, the lights danced over his familiar features – pretty button nose, downturned eyes, arched brows. His hair was back in a messy bun tonight. Even now, he had that passive, unamused look on his face.

He looked exactly the same as he had the day he closed the door on you.

Well, if you want to be technical, you closed the door on him, but you meant that in the metaphorical sense.

His piercing eyes scanned the crowd with a touch of his signature indifference. He exuded an air of mystique, momentarily entrancing you all over again.

And even now, three months later, his effect on you had not wavered.

Emma’s touch on your arm brought you back to the present, breaking the spell he had cast. “Hey,” She asked, concern evident in her voice. “You good?”

Your eyes were drawn back to the entrance, and your heart sank when you spotted your blond, ex-situationship once again. Panic surged through your veins immediately, seizing your lungs. It felt as if the walls of the club had gotten much smaller, all of a sudden.

Waka was standing there by the entrance, only a few yards away, with Shinichiro by his side. He looked every bit as breathtaking as you remembered him to be.

And he was looking right at you.

He can’t see me.

I need to hide.

He can’t see me.

You whipped your head back around towards your friend, flashing her a faux smile. “I’m gonna,” You swallowed, voice unsteady. “I’m gonna go back to the floor.”

Without even waiting for a response, you turned abruptly and slid off of the barstool. Your pulse was racing as you pushed through the wall of bodies behind the bar and made a beeline for the dance floor.

Emma was calling after you. You didn’t care.

The urgency to put distance between you and your past had consumed you whole. The bass pounded in your ears, matching the rapid thrum of your heartbeat. The music drowned out her voice as you merged with the sea of people once again.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you tried your best to lose yourself in the rhythm. Your movements were a frenzied, frantic mess of anxious movements. This time, when the lights flickered over you, the shadows they cast brought back memories of your history, your mistakes.

I will not let him ruin my night, you told yourself.

Yet, still, you dared one last glance around.

It was to scout the area for a suitor. That’s what you told yourself.

Subconsciously, however, you searched for Waka amidst the colorful, blurred throng. Your heart began to race again when you spotted him by the bar, head turning slowly, eyes flitting over the club scene. It looked like he was searching for something.

The realization hit you like a train.

He’s looking for me.

a/n: aaaand we are back with another cliffhanger! I'm so sorry. i have been, so bad to u all lately. life has been crazy! I think I may be shadowbanned, idk, I still dk how tumbly works. anyway! I did not like writing this chapter but it was a totally necessary segway into the next one, which will be very very very very very... jus trust me yall will love it. you know the drill, leave comments, suggestions, anything in down below and I will like, cry reading ur messages as always. Next chap is gonna be my fave like everrrr omg...

I obviously do not own tokyo revengers or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.

taglist: @tokyorevengersslut69, @mikeys-bike-slut, @midtwenties-angst, @sleepysnk, @enneadec, @noaabean, @galactict3a, @em1e, @drakensdarling, @wakashawty, @satanlovesusall666, @sin-and-punishment, @mztoman, @sanzuicide, @bontensbabygirl, @strawberrychrome, @scaraphobia, @bertholdts--butt, @xiedoll, @missgab, @keiskyutie

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#notiddygxthgf ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚#party monster ⋆ ★#wakasa #wakasa imaushi #imaushi wakasa #wakasa x reader #imaushi wakasa x reader #wakasa imaushi x reader #wakasa x you #wakasa smut #wakasa fluff #slow burn #sano shinichiro #tenjiku #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev x you #tokyo rev x reader #bonten #IT GETS GOOD I SWEAR plz dont hate me for this chap

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kenobisgalaxy · 2 years

Text

Don’t You Know (Obi-Wan Kenobi x Jedi!Reader)

fandom: STAR WARS

pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi x Jedi!Reader

type: one shot

genre: smut

word count: 2,812

warnings: Straight up smut (with some plot), a little bit of angst (because I can’t help myself), AFAB!Reader (but no pronouns)

summary: Obi-Wan is acting strange lately. The Council doesn’t assign him on your mission with you although you usually are sent out as a team. You decide to confront the Jedi Master.

a/n: I don’t know how this happened and I’m a little bit embarrassed, but I finally managed to get around writing some heated stuff which usually really isn’t in my comfort zone. But I had to try. So this little piece of writing is purely based on the song Don’t You Know by Jaymes Young which is just an amazing hot mess. Naturally, this one shot is as heated as the song is and should hopefully send shivers down your spine. Have fun reading it, but be warned: I couldn’t help but drizzle some angst into it. As always there is quite a bit of set up so that you can settle into the setting. I like to give some basic info so that the reader can imagine the scenario better. AAH, I am so unsure about this and I really really hope it isn’t awful.

masterlist

Obi-Wan Kenobi was a flirt. He didn't do it intentionally, it was just something that was in his nature. His sarcastic and flirty way of conducting conversations was almost a staple of his character and even or rather especially his enemies weren’t left out by his straightforward way of phrasing things, except perhaps the more important Jedi in the temple, obviously including the council and for some kind of reason: you.

You had known Master Obi-Wan for a long time, you had trained together as Padawans and had been on many missions before. Especially, during the early stages of the Clone Wars you two had been an unbeatable team. Naturally, you admired the slightly older Jedi Master immensely as what he was: a capable Jedi, a distinguished light saber wielder and on top of all the best partner you could ask for on missions. Although Obi-Wan usually was quiet moody and cocky, always being able to think of a snarky remark, to you he never ceased to be his most polite self. Sometimes, in all that politeness you wondered whether he even liked you. His behaviour around you actually was quite odd, he was being too nice, always helping you up and trying to please you at every given point. He never even attempted a sarcastic remark towards you. Maybe, this was what had made you fall in love with him at first, but in times of doubt and especially when you were suffering from low self esteem again, you did wonder whether he actually liked you or whether he was just being superficially friendly in order to hide his inner contempt for you. Was he just being nice because he felt like it was his duty whilst actually being quite repulsed by you? You couldn’t be sure of it and the whole affair drove you around the bend. For a while now, you had tried to get rid of your intrusive thoughts and not think about Obi-Wan as more than a friend, but your love for him made you doubt your relationship to him even more. You felt like every step towards him was actually pushing him away from you and you observed that he was really just becoming more distant the more you yourself opened up to him and sought his attention. It wasn’t like your were showing your true feelings to him because you really didn’t, you rather just tried to spend quality time with him, but with each further attempt on your behalf he just closed himself off even more, until he became fully distant and even cold towards you.

It was another particular appointment for a Jedi Council meeting. You had been summoned to receive a new assignment and were now waiting in the ante-room when you were called. As you were entering the Council’s chamber and stepping in the middle of the round you looked around the room. Master Obi-Wan was sitting as always in his cushioned arm chair with his legs folded and arms placed on the armrests. Why did he have to look so bloody perfect all the time with his copper hair and smooth beard? That wasn’t fair. You shot a quick glance at him smiling, but he didn’t look at you. Instead he watched the ground intently as if it was some interesting new species that he had never seen before. Why wasn’t he noticing you? Usually, he always gave you at least a reassuring smile because he knew how you hated standing before all these Masters, but not this time. What had happened? What was wrong? Master Windu’s firm voice suddenly brought you back to reality and you quickly emptied your thoughts not wanting to showcase them to the Council.

“Master y/n, you will be sent on a mission to Malastare in order to check in on the fuel cargoes that have been ordered. Due to rather unfortunate diplomatic errors after the latest incidents on the planet, the Dugs are still quite suspicious of the Galactic Senate’s decisions. Please watch them carefully and ensure their loyalty.” Master Windu instructed you.

“I expect I will not be sent alone?” You asked hoping to be accompanied by your usual partner Obi-Wan.

“Actually, you will this time, we lay great trust in your expertise and besides this mission shouldn’t be of great difficulty.” Master Windu proceeded.

“I don’t want to be disrespectful, Master, but I’m not quite the diplomat myself and I usually get sent out on mission such as this together with Master Kenobi since he is the negotiator of the two of us, why not this time?” You asked trying to keep your voice as steady as possible.

“Because I will be on a mission on my own.” Obi-Wan answered drily.

“Oh okay, well then - I. Yes, so when will I be off planet?” You inquired trying to not sound too baffled.

“Tomorrow set off, you will.” Master Yoda announced.

“Well, thank you, Masters. If that is all, may I leave?”

“Sure, Master y/l/n, your Commander will wait for you with further instructions. May the force be with you.” Master Windu said.

“And with you.” You answered him turning around and leaving the Council’s chamber as quickly as possible.

What in the galaxy was wrong with him. He had been strange all week, but there was no sane rhyme or reason why he behaved so repulsive. He didn’t even look at you all the while you were standing there encircled by the Jedi Masters. Had you done something to annoy him? You couldn’t tell. Perhaps, he had noticed your affection towards him, but that couldn’t be it. You followed the code, you knew that any kind of close relationship was forbidden. Jedi weren’t supposed to have possessions such as a significant other. And it was quite clear to you that Obi-Wan valued the code even more than you. That was the reason why you hid your feelings in the first place. If you couldn’t be in a relationship with the man you loved, you could at least try to be friends with him and have him in your life as just that. But what Obi-Wan was doing was outrageous. There was no possibility that he had found out about your thoughts, so the only reasonable explanation for his behaviour was that he didn’t appreciate your companionship after all. And there they were again: the doubts that haunted you at night. It didn’t make sense, he didn’t make sense. He treated you like he treated nobody else, he was kind and sweat to you and now from one day to another he had apparently changed his mind about all that, about your partnership and about your friendship. Couldn’t he just at least be his cocky self in front of you?

All these thoughts rushed through your head as you were strolling to your quarters. As you were approaching the sliding door it struck you. Kriff. You would never know what was up with him if you didn’t talk to him. Why not just ask him? What was the worst thing he could say? You turned and left the corridor through the way you had come. Obi-Wan’s quarters were just two corridors away from yours. You knew he wouldn’t be there because the Council meeting certainly was still running so you decided to just wait for him as you had done multiple times before. You opened the sliding door and stepped into the familiar looking room. It was the same as yours, quite empty and barren. You said down and got out your holopad to do some research on your new mission whilst waiting for Obi-Wan.

One and two hours must have past when you heard the familiar steps approaching the door. Obi-Wan was busy looking at his own holopad when he entered the room. You quickly got up smoothing your robes with your hands.

“Master Obi-Wan. I’m sorry to intrude your privacy, but I have to speak to you.” You said firmly.

“Master y/n.” He looked quite startled, but quickly seemed to be able to collect himself. “If it is something about your mission, please ask Master Windu or your Commander, I have to prepare my own one.”

“I think neither Master Windu nor my Commander will be able to help me with this. See, it is something quite personal.” You continued.

“Well, ask me another time, I’m busy.” He muttered ushering away from you.

“Obi-Wan Kenobi!” You urged, now angry. “What is possibly wrong with you?”

“Why? I- I don’t know what you mean. I’m perfectly fine.” He stuttered. You were agitated. What was he thinking of?

“No, you’re not! Has a Kwazel Maw eaten your brain? Why do you treat me like I am nothing but thin air to you? And why in the damned galaxy aren’t we assigned on the same mission as always? Tell me why you are acting so strangely.” You asked him with every word urging the Jedi Master backwards whilst poking your finger in his chest.

“I thought it would be better if we didn’t see each other for a while. I don’t think this is working.” Now it was you the one who was startled by his words. You were slowly processing his words not wanting to believe them.

“What isn’t working, Obi-Wan? We are the best team. We’re always successful and we always have a great time on our missions.”

“That’s exactly the point. We are not supposed to have a great time together. This is war. It is supposed to be nerve wracking and tedious.” He explained turning away from you.

“So this is what you want? To be miserable all the time and drown in the mental casualties of the war?”

“Precisely.” He muttered. You didn’t believe him. That was so unlike the Obi-Wan that you knew who always tried to master the situation he found himself in, no matter how difficult it was. He always came up with something witty to make the war less depressing.

“Obi-Wan.” You urged gripping his wrist firmly and turning him around. “We know both that you don’t mean that. Tell me what it really is.”

“I can’t - I. This is not what I- It will destroy us.”

“Why? What are you saying. You’re not making any sense.”

“I can’t. I- uh, blast. Screw it. Y/n, it is because of you.”

“Because of me? I don’t understand, what did I do wrong?” Now you were utterly confused, the Jedi Master in front of you had completely gone nuts, you were sure.

“Nothing, that is my point. It is just your simple existence.”

“My existence?” You shrieked. That certainly wasn’t the answer you had expected, but it was the answer you had feared. “So you do dislike me after all. I assume I should better go.”

“What? No! That wasn’t what I mean. I don’t want you to go. I need more of you in my life. Don’t you realize what you do to me? Don’t you know that I- don’t you know I want you so bad?” His raspy voice rang in your ears. You just now realized how close you were to him still gripping his wrist. His azure eyes watched you intently and you noticed a slight tingle in them. He was so close. “Every night I call for you. Don’t you know that I’m going mad? I’d do anything to love you. And I know I shouldn’t, I know that I can’t love you, it is forbidden, the code-”

“Screw the code! Nobody should be alone.” You whispered closing the gap between you two and settling your lips on his. You felt him becoming tense, but then quickly he relaxed and leaned into your kiss wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you close. His soft beard was scratching your smooth skin, you loved the feeling of it, it was intoxicating. You were running your hand up into his hair tugging at his lose strands. It felt perfect, like it had always belonged there. You gasped into the kiss opening you mouth slightly and making way for his tongue. “Obi-Wan!” You moaned. “Y/n, I’d do anything to touch you!” he exclaimed letting go of you only to come back peppering kisses down your neck. “I know you were meant for me!” He mumbled against you heated skin. You felt your core already becoming wet at the sound of his words. Was this really happening? Wasn’t it one of your endless dreams? But he was there kissing you. You had never seen him like this. The always so patient and conceived Jedi Master had turned into a ravenous mess, flirty remarks had turned into heated praising and his usually smirking lips were now peppering your skin with pure need working their way to your collarbones. His strong arms were drawing you impossibly closer and one hand grabbed you by your thigh pulling it up. You felt his length stretching his pants and pressing against your sensitive area. “Please, Obi-Wan, I need you now!”

“You don’t how long I’ve waited for this.” He uttered, pushing you back towards his bed, carefully lifting you up and placing you down making sure you weren’t hurt. With one hand he pinned both your arms down over your head while he hovered above you and devoured your sight. “You look beautiful, darling! I would fight in a war for you.”

“You know you’re actually already doing that.” You chuckled.

“Not the point.” He said silencing you with another heated kiss. You arched your back pressing your hips to his. He was already so hard for you. Your were becoming impatient. He was fumbling with your belt finally being able to untie it. Tugging at your robes he managed to free your chest. His hands were coming back to your waist, lips trailing down finding your breast, tongue playing with your nipple tugging at it lightly. “Obi-Wan, please!” You moaned again. He shot up leaving your exposed chest and fumbled with his own robes quickly getting rid of his top and tossing it far away into the dim room. “Oh darling, I know all the ways to appreciate your design.” He muttered darting back to you and trailing further down to your core whilst pushing your pants out of the way. “Oh, don’t make me beg you please.” he said and then kissed you right down there, tongue playing with your clit and two fingers stroking your entrance, then plunging in deep. You saw stars and were moaning in a hot mess. “Yes, Obi-Wan, right there.” He was hitting all the sweet spots you didn’t even know existed. One hand of yours was finding its way to Obi-Wan’s hair gripping it and holding his head right there, the other one was getting hold of the bed sheets tugging at them violently when he let go of you. “Don’t tease me like this, I need to feel you, Obi-Wan, now please!” You begged.

He got back up and freed himself from this pants that had up until this moment held a big bulge in place. His cock stood tall and erect glistening with pre-cum. You wondered how he would feel inside you filling you up, satisfying you, grinding you, but you didn’t have to think about it for too long since he was already back on top of you spoiling you with kisses and placing his length on your entrance. “Do you really want this, y/n?” He asked you. “Yes, Obi-Wan, I need this. I can’t live without you.” One word of you was enough and you could feel him entering and filling you up completely. “You are so tight.” He pressed out melting into you like your bodies were made for each other. He stayed were he was adjusting his length to you, but then he started thrusting into you, first slowly and then with increasing pace. “Harder, please Obi-Wan.” He did as you instructed all the while leaving kisses on your sensitive area on your neck. “Make me cum, darling.” He breathed into your ear, both of you had turned into a hot mess, bodies clinging to each other as if this was the last time they would be together. He reached his hand down and found your clit again stroking circles around it. You could feel your legs getting shaky by the touch of him, the orgasm was slowly building in your stomach rolling like a great wave over the shore. “I can’t do this any longer!” You gasped. “Me neither.” He stuttered moving quicker. The orgasm was making your toes curl and hitting you with such a force that you couldn’t see anything but stars. He came right after you filling you with his sweat sperm and crushing down on you breathing heavily. “I love you so much, y/n.” He mused into your ear, kissing you as he was pulling out and letting himself fall down onto the bed beside you. “I love you too, Obi.” You smiled and wriggled closer to him settling in his arm, your breath starting to become at ease.

#Obi-Wan Kenobi #obi wan kenobi #obi-wan #obi wan #general kenobi #obi-wan X reader #obi-wan imagine #obi-wan x you #obi wan series #obi wan fanfiction #star wars #star wars the clone wars #star wars prequels #star wars attack of the clones #Star Wars Revenge of the Sith #star wars a phantom menace #jedi #jedi master #master kenobi

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seventeenlovesthree · 1 year

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Yeah so your dynamic shipping game? I know I say Takeru and Hikari a lot because I always want to know others perception of them.

Another one I am very curious about is Koushirou and Mimi. Because Tri just worked for them.

But if you mean non common ships I have been curious about Yamato and Mimi. I get the whole they look good together vibe especially in illustrations, but personality wise they don’t really mesh up well in my opinion. Maybe you’ll find something good out of it?

Anyways thank you for reading this. Even if you do one review I would appreciate it. Thank you!

Hello there! Thank you for sending me this, I still have all the other rarepairs in my queue and want to work on them, since I always enjoy to have some thought experiments here and there.

Since my stance on Takari hasn't really changed ever since writing my first analysis post, I hope it's okay if I'm not gonna repeat this one.

However, the other two (namely Koumi and Mimato) are definitely more interesting to write about, for very different reasons each:

Digimon Shipping Dynamic Game:

Send me two names among the following 12 and I’ll write a short analysis post about them:

Whether canon provides input on them or not:

Since I've already written a huge tumblr breaking analysis on what does and does not work about them, you can bet that canon provides a whole lot of input about them. I will try to keep this section as brief as possible regardless:

You have their initial set-up, which appears to be your typical "opposites/beauty and the nerd" tropes at first glance - and while they do fulfill their stereotypes to at least some degree at various parts of the series, they also frequently defy them. They're the same age and also classmates, making them one of the few characters who have known each other (very superficially) even before the events of Adventure - and they start off rather roughly. While both of them are portrayed as oddballs in their own ways (enjoying questionable food combinations, being very focused on the things they're interested in, etc.), they have very different priority systems. Basically, whenever these two are the focus in an episode (namely the infamous episode 10 of Adventure), a scene (namely their interactions in "Diablomon Strikes Back) or a plot-point (namely their interactions throughout the first four Tri movies), it's usually about them having to come to terms with their different approach systems:

Koushirou is the rational type, who focuses on solving a problem by going through the entire PDCA cycle, trying to figure out each and every puzzle piece and gather all information to come to a conclusion. Mimi's judgement is based more on emotions, feelings and instinct, she likes to skip the first three steps of the PDCA cycle and does what she thinks is best for everyone - and that's where these two tend to clash. While Koushirou absolutely can be a hands-on person who jumps into action when necessary, he has a hard time understanding Mimi's reasoning sometimes, especially when she demands him to take her/other people's feelings into account. They do have very different energy levels in that regard - which, on the other hand, is also what makes their DSB interactions so entertaining to watch, as she is just very happy to be back in Japan, wanting his attention (extroverted dominance), while he's absolutely done trying to save the world once again (introverted exhaustion).

While their fights can turn out to be rather exhausting whenever they're not able to communicate well and also whenever they cannot admit that the other may have had a point (especially in Tri), they do work best once they actually reconcile and combine their strengths; whether it's when he is leaving his laptop behind (once) to tear down a wall to save her, admitting that acting is better than thinking sometimes (episode 10), when she praises his skills and achievements up to the point of them even working on her online shop together (Tri + Kizuna/To Sora), or when he leaves his laptop at home once again after being told to do so by her, just to come to the conclusion that this helped him to actually think about what he wants to do in the future (Stageplay).

There is a reason why they're among the most popular ships in the Digimon fandom world-wide due to their interesting dynamics (see here and here). So much so that there was even an audio drama explicitly functioning as fanservice, making Koushirou write a love letter to someone and having Mimi be rather infuriated by the idea that it was for Hikari instead of herself. While instances like this (and DSB) formed the preferred fandom headcanon of Mimi having a crush on Koushirou, Tri canonized him having developed a crush on her instead - even though said crush was rather treated in a comic relief manner without serving a development trigger in either of their arcs, as the main focus had been, once again, them having very different view-points instead.

Long story short - there is A LOT to work with. Even though I have to say that, in my opinion, Tri did not really work for them. The recycled conflict between them (rational vs. emotional) could have been great if it had been intertwined in their respective arcs (self-isolation vs. selfishness), but was NEVER properly resolved. The crush never led to anything but fanservice (while also reducing Koushirou's character to that in a "they had to dumb him down so he couldn't figure out the plot immediately" way). I actually prefer their portrayal in the stageplay (as well as in Kizuna/To Sora), which is why I chose the screenshot above - but let me elaborate on that...

Whether I think why and how they’d work:

The "opposites attract trope", if done right, can be a very appealing one - and, as mentioned, it explains why these two are as popular as a romantic ship as they are. As mentioned above, I do prefer their portrayal in the stageplay as opposed to Tri; while their personalities were still very much on opposing ends, there was a lot more familiarity and closeness between them, which could have been the natural development after they had started to come to terms with their "differences" after episode 10 of Adventure, throughout 02 and up to this point. Mimi scolding Koushirou for relying on his laptop too much is met with him seeming rather helpless, exhausted by her attitude at first - however, instead of just acting obediently and leaving his laptop at home to please her, he uses that twice: Once by teasing her, pretending to have withdrawal symptoms and scaring her in the process, ACTUALLY joking around intentionally and playfully for once! Secondly, he actually talks about his own dreams, feeling inspired by her and indirectly thanking her for that (the crush does not seem to exist at this point btw). And that is a mutual point for them, as Mimi also confesses to Sora that, while she's currently not crushing on anyone, she also feels inspired by Koushirou to maybe do "something with computers" in the future (which, as we know, will actually happen by the time of Kizuna).

And that is what, as mentioned above, could be their greatest strength as a romantic couple. They're AWARE of their different energy levels and, after all these years, they've started to gain an understanding of the other's needs in terms of emotional and mental affection. At least they SHOULD BE. Instead, Tri implied that Koushirou suddenly started to get interested in fashion JUST for the sake of impressing Mimi - which is not what his character is about at all and misunderstood his entire arc of accepting himself the way he is. Having him bend over backwards to impress the person he fell in love with, hiding behind an app to tell him how to dress, would always result in him never opening up - sure, he's been able to stand his ground against her, but that only resulted in them shouting at each other in Tri, unable to really understand each other. And Tri COULD have used that to make Mimi comment on how it didn't matter what he wore as long as he felt comfortable with it. Because - again, they're both weird in their own ways and wouldn't be themselves if they changed for the sake of someone else. But that conclusion was never reached.

In an ideal world, I feel like they could just have naturally progressed from 02 to the Stageplay to Kizuna/To Sora; with Koushirou becoming more aware and considerate towards Mimi needing attention and affection and Mimi learning that there are times when Koushirou needs to be left to solve his riddles, with words of encouragement in between. The Kizuna promo art of her looking absolutely amazed at whatever he had managed to make out of her online shop while he beams at her with fondness and pride is how I could see them working out just fine. Sure, there would be moments of them clashing again - but they'd be able to deal with that without him turning into an obedient puppy or her turning into an enraged harpy. There can be a sense of protectiveness and gentleness between them, learning from and complementing each other without actively trying to CHANGE the other, enjoying each other's company as well as spending time apart, as long as they have something to gush over together (whether that's online shops, food, their friends - or, like in the reboot, the actual fact that Mimi's grandfather is the manufacturer of Koushirou's tablet. The potential of them actually having business-related rambles is just too good to pass on).

Whether I’d prefer them as platonic or romantic ship:

Alright, enough rambles - throughout all this time spent analyzing their romantic potential, I have actually grown more fond of them as a couple. Despite that, I still prefer them as platonic business friends, since I primarily ship each of them with other characters. Still, I love the idea of them growing more and more close and familiar through the years (which is basically canon at this point anyway), teasing and praising each other, making jokes, gossiping over their friends, etc. (Though I would actually like to see them in an OT3 with Taichi - because in my opinion, both Mimi and Taichi care deeply about Koushirou and he'd be such a wonderful bisexual disaster around them. Plus, I thoroughly despise certain fandom depictions of Michi cheating on Koushirou with each other, because that couldn't be further from their actual personalities.)

ALRIGHT, NEXT.

Digimon Shipping Dynamic Game:

Send me two names among the following 12 and I’ll write a short analysis post about them:

Whether canon provides input on them or not:

Depending on what you want to look at: There isn't much. While you referred to them as "non common ship", I do believe there is quite a fanbase for them out there. However, I'm inclined to agree that it is mainly based on two factors: Both of them being highly attractive characters and the potential they could have due to their personalities (and the tropes they represent).

Throughout Adventure 01 and 02, I actually cannot remember any significant interactions these two had with each other; Yamato starts off having a hard time approaching the others, he's not exactly closed off or aloof, but is mainly focused on taking care of Takeru. Him ACTIVELY bonding with others happens very rarely, so when he's not contemplating things (sometimes together with Jyou), or argues or fights with and alongside Taichi, he doesn't really have any capacities to interact with Mimi - who, in turn, is more likely to play around with Takeru or spend time with Sora or Jyou. At first glance, Yamato is the classic introvert to Mimi being an extrovert, which is not only displayed by their colour palettes being VERY different (warm shades of red and pink vs. cold shades of green and blue), but also by their energy levels. While they're both very outspoken and opinionated - they never talk to each other in either 01 and 02. In the novel, there are even several instances of their energy levels and approaches being that different that they actually clash with each other, actively fighting.

Thus, figuring out their dynamics is rather difficult - there are just minor instances (and characteristics) that COULD make them rather interesting; one of the most famous moments in 01 is the way Yamato tells Taichi off, demanding him to give them - and Mimi in particular - time and space to mourn the loss of the Digimon that have already died, implying that he's sympathizing with her. Yamato has definitely experienced loss in his life already after the divorce of his parents and still struggles with feeling inadequate as a brother to Takeru - while Mimi comes from one of the happiest, most peaceful families in the series. Her purity, her sense of wanting to achieve peace without sacrifices almost appears as a stark contrast to Yamato's "corruption" later on; when he demands Taichi to fight him, trying to solve things in a rather violent way, it's almost a shame that someone like Mimi is not able to stop him there and then (since deep down inside, he doesn't want to fight either). And that's where I assume fandom likes to step in using their personalities to form headcanons:

Mimi being a positive influence, a genuine force of sincerity to (literally) pull Yamato out of his (more negative) tendencies, helping him to be more honest with himself as well - almost in an actual "Beauty and the Beast" kind of way. Neither Tri or Kizuna really elaborated on their dynamics - but the former did like to imply that they are indeed opposing forces, twice; the situation depicted above shows the group coming together after Mimi had another fight with Koushirou. Meiko feels like a burden, since she was the reason Mimi and Koushirou clashed in the first place, as he tried to interrogate her in a moment of emotional vulnerability, while Mimi called him out for being insensitive. Yamato voices his concern towards Meiko, telling her to stop worrying them - and both Taichi and Sora step in, saying that Yamato was just genuinely worried about her, to which Mimi tries to call him a "Tsundere". He just deflects by telling her that she cannot speak proper Japanese and that she's just making things more complicated (because she refuses to take a step towards Koushirou at this point). The other instance is within the stageplay - where Yamato tells Mimi to stay away from his cooking, fearing that her extravagant tastes (bananas and fish) may ruin the dish...

Long story short - they don't appear to be very compatible as friends canonically. So, again, that's where headcanons have to step in.

Whether I think why and how they’d work:

As mentioned above, due to their contrasting set-ups, family backgrounds and way of attraction, there is an appeal that may make them quite popular in singular online spaces. Mimi is a natural people-magnet due to her openness and tendency to become the center of attention very quickly, she easily befriends everyone around her (even if some may find her controversial, as depicted in Tri) and tries to spread a positive spirit. Whereas Yamato, despite being a band leader (that is also very popular), is indeed more closed-off, with a very selective group of friends he is very committed to and protective of (maybe even possessive to some degree, as you can imagine he is not good at dealing with losses). From an outside view, they almost have that "idol-like vibe" that makes them very attractive - so it's no surprise fandom sees them as an intriguing and compelling combination to end up together. Due to them being as opinionated as they are, they may clash a lot - but similarly to Koumi, that COULD be also a strength, as it is important for characters like Yamato to ACTUALLY speak their mind without hiding behind a mask. Plus, Yamato needs someone he can truly be vulnerable around with, because he's a lot softer (and awkward) than his facade would make you believe at first glance. The question is - would he be able to let loose around Mimi like that? It's very hard to tell, because unlike with Koumi, we don't really know if she understands how he rolls. Sure, she can see that he has VERY Tsundere-like tendencies, tough shell, soft and caring on the inside - but up to this point, they're not close (or even comfortable) enough for him to not deny that rather aggressively (especially because Taichi and Sora were actually a lot quicker to pick that up - which is no surprise either, because they're canonically closer to him). So it feels more like they'd be prone to fight for dominance than being able to take a step towards each other (even more strongly than Koumi, because Mimato may take disagreement as a personal attack and can't even seem to bond over their passion for cooking together at this point in time).

Mimi, on the other hand, also needs someone who can keep up with her - people like Jyou and Koushirou, as we've seen, should be used to her habits already, but it is very difficult to tell whether Yamato would have the energy and patience to deal with her, giving her the assurance and attention she needs.

Long story short, the potential is there due to their personalities, but we never learn if and how they'd be able to interact on a closer level.

Whether I’d prefer them as platonic or romantic ship:

Admittedly, they're a relationship I have pretty much no attachment to, simply due to the fact that canon never gave me a reason to believe that they'd think of each other as "close friends", let alone "romantic partners". As they're both Chosen Children, they would surely protect and fight for each other, no question - but everything beyond that never gave me positive vibes. Which is actually a shame, because they're both (potentially) good with Jyou and Takeru, Team Hope exists for a reason after all (and I even ship both Mimi and Yamato with Jyou, yet I couldn't imagine them being an actual OT3). Heck, they're also both (supposedly) very close to Sora, yet they never had a group moment together. Even in the reboot, they were mainly just arguing and never had a positively reaffirming moment together. So I must say, I rather think of them as acquaintances than anything else.

#my two cents #meta #long post #mimi tachikawa #koushiro izumi #yamato ishida #koushirou izumi #relationship analysis #shipping analysis #digimon

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incarnateirony · 1 year

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You know aside from watching the rest of TW I’m looking forward to January 24th thru February to slowly watch pat 2po and everyone in that insane group fall flat on their faces multiple times when all the cards are turned over cough deans not straight he loves Cas etc coughs

Yeah it's kinda gonna be like watching someone try to stand on an ice rink by the time we come back, watching the inevitable slip and slide of confusion, excuses, and the shallowest of superficial readings come in. or the ones that magically pretend it gets boring right when they finally accept what's happening while it's smashing them in the face over and over.

Expect them to get more and more shrill as their psychic bubble of hallucinations is slowly put through a trash compactor. They'll look for any exit hatch, any hole to hide in, any sideways or backwards reading, they'll screech nothing can mean anything and plots and episodes dont connect, they'll turn over every rock to try to find some kind of word or take they can manipulate into their perspective, and they'll chain these weak pebbles together until the bitter end not realizing that's like, one small section of a huge mountain they're sitting on top of trying to rearrange, because they refuse to adjust perspective.

So yeah. It's gonna be fun just. Don't forget, these narcissists have, in fact, constructed a bubble they're reliant on at least psychologically, and many have come to be physically like the scripthunt mods for free gold passes or whatever. If they face the truth, they've been a villain against the creatives for years, and that's the plot. If they face the truth, they've doxxed fans and spent millions for nothing. They literally have dug their own box and instead of slowing down, they're gonna dig the hole all the way to china instead of learning.

I mean hell. Look at the Confession->Roadhouse-->Omission denialists. Same people. Who are also the Pilot script denialists. Same people. They swore up and down, they sent bad intel people at me I mhmed to screen data from that didn't even KNOW about other shit already locked in. These people spent THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS because they were SO SURE OF THE UNIVERSE INSIDE THEIR HEAD, and it turned out, that universe was fake, the one I had been talking about was real, just like all the other times.

They don't want to look at these patterns and contexts. They're going to do what they do to try to rebuild their wobbly jenga Tower not realizing the pieces don't fit together anymore but goddamnit so help them they WILL shove that square peg in a round hole until they get spanked for it.

Frankly the funniest subtext of all Robbie's writing is his own "I'm good with who I am, I know myself. And I know if there's a heaven, unless you assholes uncork your own self inserting ouroboros heads and start listening, you ain't gonna get there and I'll have peace. Blocked into the void you're gonna spend eternity in, and already do as an empty husk of a person"

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mantra4ia · 3 years

Text

NBC Debris, episodes 1-9: overview of high hopes and adjusted expectations

*Mild spoilers ahead*

I'm rooting for this show guys, really I am. The premise and the two main characters / actors are interesting, or at least try very hard to be. But this series has been slow off the ground despite my excitement during preseason teasers and here's why, in my view.

Pros:

An intercontinental alliance gives room / potential for some interesting spy craft, I just wish it was slightly more artful, less heavy handed.

Alien debris having potential to do good things is also a fantastic promise to expand on. George Jones talked about some terraforming level stuff (whether it goes right or wrong is another story), let's see more of that. Are tech giants fighting over the intellectual property rights to debris-based advances? How are money and favor between industry and the government changing hands (apart from a very literal briefcase full of cash on the black market when we first meet Influx)? How do different pieces of debris interact with one another, maybe it changes some of their properties in unpredictable ways.

Bryan and Finola have good amorphous lead chemistry. We aren't being force-fed where it is going to go, but we know it's a compelling relationship where they're both relying on each other to get through challenging emotional hurdles (marine special ops, family tragedy). And we see them together, riffing off each other from the beginning, and it works as both a personal and professional partnership.

Strongest debris-scifi-based episode was definitely 1x04 "In Universe" with the chlorine- respiration-based biome. To me it's the best of the season so far.

Strongest character episode so far is maybe 1x09 "Do You Know Icarus?" or 1x06 "Supernova"

Cons:

Episodic structure hampers the ramp of tension building. You don't get big payoff because you get short plot points. Yes there's the recurring "ball of light" and Influx references, but those are more phantom thread teasers than a long game of steadily developing insights.

No fully developed villain or antagonist to make the stakes seem tangible and priorities urgent or simmering: is it Influx, Maddox, Ferris, casually mentioned foreign government espionage, the guy who played Michael on The Vampire Diaries? I don't know, and worst of all nor do I really care because I don't feel their immenent threat or ideological purpose. I am more worried about the debris body count, but debris is a problem / quandary, not a viable adversary at this point. We've got a multi-front conflict, and 45 minutes with underwhelming writing complexity to try and meet the task. It's a struggle.

The ABCD action-based plot. I have to do this sequence in order to beat this level. Where's the character building?

Speaking of which, while I like Bryan and Finola's dynamic opposite each other, I can't say the same about their development as individual characters. Their depth and relationship to others has so far been terrible due to superficial telegraphing which tells us rather than a writing structure that shows us why we're supposed to care about them, their lives, or their relationships to others, like Finola and DeDe and George as a family unit, or Bryan and Maddox. Seeing an old family video of sisters dancing to a favorite song does nothing for me when I haven't seen them interact on anything more than a long distance phone call. Can we maybe get a flashback of them at George's memorial so that we can get a sense of how devastated the family was or see the consequences of DeDe's substance abuse habit as a crutch during an emotionally chaotic time in her life? No. We get hearsay. Maddox is supposedly so worthy of Bryan's trust, pulled him from the brink of a dark emotional abyss (1x07), but we get no sense of that bond off the clock like Bryan checking in on Maddox's family, or any sort of personal connection. Just a cold professional relationship with a few one liners.

Telegraphing to ambiguity ratio: certain things the audience gets explained to us, like alternate universes visible in the molecular imperfections of glass or how they damaged George's hippocampus and impaired his memory (like they're just throwing out words to sound sci-fi impressive), and yet some basic details that would help build this world lore and make it believable are left up to off-screen imagination? Come on now, we all know the season one is for world building. Hop to it! Debris falls from the sky, worldwide, and you're telling me no one knows about it and it doesn't impact public life / culture in any way, it doesn't make the news cycle, nothing? You're an Orbital agent, and you're able to fly around in laboratory equipped jets and land in whichever airspace you please, and no one bats an eye? Terrorists are using debris against civilians, and we don't see government restrictions, curfew, lockdowns, etc, we don't get any minor glimpses into ramifications on ordinary life? No, because the focus is always trained on our "field agents" but not the playing field. It's mundane, small stuff questions that keep us grounded, which is a refreshing and needed balance in sci-fi, but apart from a conversation about stale Peeps I don't see attention to daily details of life as we know it.

We are literally told in the pilot by a title card (talk about expedient) that "three years ago images were captured of a wrecked alien spacecraft moving through the solar system" and for 6 months debris has been falling. Has it smashed through any cities causing panic? How is it spun by the media, or how is Orbital keeping it out of public attention? Is there a political power struggle over research access, and what do those higher up agency meetings look like? Where and how is the recovered debris being cataloged and stored when it is not used in active research? Who has clearance to it, what is that clearance called/what does it entail, which government retains agency of debris pieces, or does that depend on where Orbital recovers it? This is like first-five-episode-arc lore building and we are nine hit or miss episodes into the season! I need this show to level up if it's taking the route of being clever and cerebral, which it appears to aim at by focusing on the scientific part of sci-fi. If it's goal is to be a small scale, partner ride along weekly mystery with heavy synthetic sound cues, then it needs to pick a tone that takes itself less seriously.

The dialogue is so lackluster and expository. Please get some of the writer's room to focus on making it sharper, quicker, smarter.

The science of debris: George Jones, as some genius mind behind Orbital tech, isn't believable. We don't get to see any part of his professional life in Orbital in the three year lead up to when we meet our characters, he doesn't even have any dialogue when Finola first finds him captive. We have "science-aesthetic" scribbles on a chalkboard and Finola's word that George is a workaholic research savant. It doesn't ring true and by extension some of the "rules" of this Orbital technology seem murky (not as in we learn alongside the characters, but as in the concept seems under developed). George's biggest contribution thus far is a levity critique of Bryan's driving speed. At this point he's a plot device to further Fin's journey, as is DeDe. That's base.

Lack of interest in supporting ensemble: why should I care about Maddox's family crisis, or DeDe's addiction or George's suicide after he was shut out of his own research at Orbital, etc? Again this ties back to previous points of show don't tell, and build a world, maybe use some flashbacks. Make it personal — why is George's research (apart from a generalized better world) so singularly important to him that it breaks his family, what compelled Brian to transition from military service to Orbital? How are different factions within Orbital — like the research team and the field agents — getting along, who's at the very bottom of the barrel or on the very top of the hierarchy?

I want this show to succeed, but I don't get a clear read on what genre they want to be or more importantly what the characters want. Please increase the focus on dialogue, get the basics of want-obstacle-action done right, and then the debris and the conflict it creates can have a bigger impact.

#nbc debris #new fandom #sci-fi #finola jones #bryan beneventi #renew Debris

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mmikmmik2 · 3 years

Text

First impressions of episodes three and four under the readmore

The Old West Car

So the moral of this episode was that they /thought/ Kez was abandoning them, but actually they just didn't understand how she thinks and what she was trying to tell them... hmmmm... what does that remind me of........

MORGAN IS A /PASSENGER/?

Min-Gi politely but frantically ringing the concierge bell when the cat was right there killed me

Ryan trying to flirt with the cat absolutely destroyed me. Oh my god they're so funny.

Mm hm, so the numbers went down in sync as they both made progress together... adds up, adds up. Still think we could see that number getting a bit weird if they de-sync somehow? One of them might feel better than the other about how things are going, something like that.

Ryan feeling neglected by his family... oof. I don't think that's an innocent "feels overshadowed by lots of older siblings" thing (though his large family is probably part of why he feels that way), given his dad's somewhat cynical line at their bassinets, and that the Akagis let Ryan drive off alone when he was like 17/18 and didn't seem to be keeping in touch with him, and that the tape (which again, I believe is intended in lore to be constructed by the passenger's own subconscious) had more interaction between Ryan and the Parks than between Ryan and his own family.

Actually, I wonder if the scene with them as newborns is completely a construct of their imaginations? That would make the most sense, because neither of them were old enough to remember that and also I was thinking as I watched it that newborn babies can't really see that far away and smile on reflex, not for emotional expression

oh my god, it just hit me that they have /no idea/ that the boots do anything. dkjasldkfj I want them to go as long as possible without figuring out the magnet function

Next episode is... "THE PIG BABY CAR"??? ...maybe Alice in Wonderland reference? (yes, there was a pig baby in that book)

The Pig Baby Car

Yeah this might legit be an aesthetic reference to Alice in Wonderland, with them being small and all. This set piece reminds me of the Kingdom Hearts level in Wonderland.

The soundtrack referenced the music in The Unfinished Car (remember, an episode with messed up gravity and floating staircases and so on that Tulip was hopping around on) when they first looked up at the floating cabinet and started hopping around in the fucky wucky gravity, I love that

oh my god, I was ABSOLUTELY thinking about this earlier - doesn't the superficial read on the situation, and the information that was presented to us earliest in the promotional period, make it sound like Ryan is the one at a turning point in his life? Min-Gi was having an absolutely normal one at the diner, Min-Gi has his life on track (allegedly!), Ryan is the one who was flailing and failing as a musician and desperately ran back to try and force Min-Gi to join him again as a last-ditch effort to fix his life. From the outside, without thinking about all the scenes we saw in The Twin Tapes showing that Min-Gi only ran off because he got scared and how much Min-Gi missed Ryan and missed music, if you take everything the guys have said and done at face value it does seem natural to assume that Ryan is the one at a crossroads and Min-Gi is dragged along.

Curious how much Min-Gi's desperate act of self defense here (he doesn't know Ryan has been playing at like, parties and old folks' homes, he probably thinks he's been stewing in regret while Ryan the big shot musician has been gearing up to take New York City, so of course he's eager to cast Ryan as the failure and himself as Having Absolutely No Doubts Or Regrets) is trying to reinforce/re-invoke old toxic patterns and how much is him inventing something new. There was that one scene where he temporarily shot down Chicken Choice Judy as a band name and that moment in The Glacier Car where Ryan said something along the lines of "you think you're so smart", but I'm not thinking of anything else at the moment showing that kind of dynamic between them? Hm, maybe it's like, there /was/ a reoccurring thread in their relationship of Min-Gi being more conventionally successful and perceived as intelligent, but it wasn't a particularly major issue before now.

I definitely think a big element of this is Min-Gi wanting an excuse to frame himself as someone Ryan needs and relies on. Oh my god Ryan must feel /so/ garbo right now and Min-Gi has no idea, both of them have no idea the other one has been unhappy and full of regret since they parted ways

I am in love with this plot development, I love complicated miscommunication and characters trying to impose a ridiculous interpretation onto a situation because of their emotional problems

oooooooooh so their numbers /can/ diverge - I didn't see Ryan's number during the episode after Min-Gi's number jump, but in the stinger it looked like Min-Gi was back at 202 and Ryan was still at 180-ish. I love that, very excited to see where this goes.

I'm so glad they spent the entire episode trying to do parkour in a car with weird gravity and still don't seem to realize they're wearing magnet boots. I hope Kez has known this entire time and just didn't realize they didn't realize.

#infinity train spoilers

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thepancakeboi · 4 years

Text

60. “I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong, and don’t try lying to me.”

Divergence AU Part III

Previous | Next | AU list | Prompt source

Fanfic under cut

11/16

“Hey, you okay?”

I glance up from the drink I’ve been staring at for the past five minutes, meeting Ren’s inquisitive gray eyes. “I’m fine. I was simply listening to the song.”

Ren doesn’t look convinced. “Akeppi-”

“I told you not to call me that in public,” I interrupt in a hushed whisper. Granted, we’re the only patrons currently in the jazz club, but still. I don’t even know why he calls me that. He just randomly said it after our fight in Mementos a couple of weeks ago and has continued to use it since.

“You’ve barely said anything since we left Penguin Sniper. Are you sure you’re fine?”

“I...have nothing to say.”

That’s a lie, of course, and Ren knows it. So much has been on my mind the past month. During our first foray into Sae’s Palace, I had hesitantly told them about the plan to kill Ren. I also told them about my identity as “the man in the black mask”, but only because Makoto and Morgana had figured it out and confronted me about it. I still can’t believe that I’m working with them like this. They...accept me, to some degree. I hadn’t expected them to completely trust me, but they’re all naive enough to not condemn me for what I’ve done. Even Haru and Futaba, the two people who should hate my guts, aren’t hostile to me. They should be, though.

I have so many things I want to say, but...

“Goro?” Ren sounds worried. “Is something wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” I say, dismissing his concerns with a wave of my hand.

“It isn’t ‘nothing’. You can tell me.”

“It is,” I snap, my friendly facade breaking for a brief moment. It’s become harder than ever to keep the mask on, to hide what lurks beneath the superficial nature I present to the world. “You needn’t concern yourself over the bastard son of a rotten father.”

“Who’s your father?” Ren immediately asks.

“What?”

“What’s your father’s name?”

A strangled laugh escapes my lips. He doesn’t even realize it yet. How would he, though? My father and the man we’re currently after are one and the same. “Why would you care? He’s not important to our current mission.”

“I want you to be happy. Isn’t that enough of a reason?”

“It’s a foolish reason.” I go back to staring intently at my drink as if it’ll give me all the answers I need. It won’t, but at least I won’t have to look Ren in the eye as he tries to get me to open up to him. I don’t need his help.

He hums as he continues to look for a clue to solve his own questions. “That’s not what’s bothering you, is it?”

“Of course not.”

“So there is something wrong.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you didn’t say nothing’s wrong.”

He’s right. I should have denied it. With a huff, I chug down the remainder of my drink and stand up, stalking out of the jazz club without a word. This was a waste of time. My thoughts are still there, like a tumultuous storm clouding my judgment. Maybe what I need is a solid blow to the head to knock me out for the next several days. Then I wouldn’t have to...

I stop, turning around. Ren stands a few feet away from me. He must have followed me out. “What are you doing?”

“We weren’t done talking.”

“Well, I am.” Of course, when I go to leave him behind yet again, Ren doesn’t seem to get the hint. I whirl around, nearly about to smack some sense into him as he grabs ahold of my wrist. “What the hell do you want?”

“I want you to tell me what’s the matter.”

He doesn’t even seem fazed by my reaction, a reaction so out of character for detective prince Goro Akechi. He still has that damn concerned look on his face. I try to pull the pieces of that fake personality back together, but my words ring hollow as I respond, “Look, all I need is some time to myself. Just leave me be.”

“That hasn’t been working for you, has it?” No, it hasn’t been. “I told you I’d always be there for you. I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong, and don’t try lying to me.”

“Ren, I’m fi-”

“Do you trust me?”

The question is completely unexpected. “I...I want to.” But I don’t know how...when I barely even trust myself.

“Then let’s go to Leblanc and we can talk this over.”

I shake my head. “That would take too long.”

“It doesn’t have to be Leblanc. Wherever you need to go to feel comfortable talking to me.”

I can only think of one place other than Leblanc, but...would it be weird to...? “Would you be okay with coming with me to my apartment? It’s not too far from here.”

“Sure.” He nods, though why he’s smiling I have no idea. Maybe it’s because I’m confiding in him after all.

We walk to my apartment in comfortable silence. As we weave our way through the streets, Ren slowly slips his hand from my wrist into my hand. I side-eye him curiously. Why is he doing this? It’s not like I’m trying to actively lose him in a crowd. I don’t object to it, though. For some reason, I almost...welcome his hand in mine. Even when we arrive at my apartment and find ourselves sitting side by side on the futon, he’s still holding my hand.

And I...don’t want him to let go?

Damnit, I must be more emotionally compromised than I thought.

I don’t even know when I started giving a shit about Ren. I’ve been spending more and more time with him than I ever had during the summer. He never refuses me. He’s spent all of today with me after school ended for him. It doesn’t make any sense. Why would he ever want to spend any length of time with his future murderer?

That’s the root of my problems, isn’t it? The counterplan the Phantom Thieves have come up with is daring, reckless, and honestly is one huge gamble. I don’t normally doubt myself, but it’s going to take a lot of luck for Ren to get out of this alive...

“Goro?”

The way he says my name, gently prying to find out what’s been occupying my thoughts, nearly breaks my composure.

But I can’t let him know my doubts...my fears.

Yes, I’m afraid. I’m afraid I’m going to shoot him in the head, for real. That Ren Amamiya, the second year at Shujin who so quickly enthralled me and became my antithesis, will die in an interrogation cell all because he got caught up in a plot where he can’t even begin to see the full picture.

“I don’t...want you to die.”

“I won’t die.”

“How can you be sure about that!? You’ll be completely defenseless, and I-” My words catch in my throat, but I force myself to say them regardless. “I have to pull the trigger. I won’t be able to prevent that. There won’t be a second chance if we fail.”

“We won’t fail.” He sticks his free hand in one of his pockets. When he pulls it out, he has my glove in his hand. “We still have a promise to keep.”

“I can’t believe you have that stupid thing.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

I have no response to that. Instead, I respond with, “And you just so happen to have it with you.”

“I’ve had it with me since you gave it to me. And do you wanna know why? Because it’s from you.” He gently squeezes my hand, a lopsided grin spreading unbidden on his face. I had forgotten that he’s still holding my hand. “You’re my treasure.”

My eyes widen. “I’m your...what?”

“I mean it. I may be a Phantom Thief, but you’re the one who stole my heart.”

My stomach clenches. I try to ignore this feeling, for now. “Was that supposed to be a pickup line? If so, that’s the cheesiest one I’ve ever heard. And trust me, I’ve heard some extremely stupid ones.”

“What if it was?”

“I’d chastise you for your timing since you could be dead in four days.”

“I’m not going to die. I still have stuff I need to do.”

“Like what, fight a god?” I ask with just a touch of sarcasm.

He laughs at that. “No. But maybe I will just to prove to you that I can.”

I laugh as well, although mine is forced and devoid of any mirth. This time, I make sure he can hear my sarcasm as I reply, “Oh, that’s just brilliant. You’re going to fight god because you can.”

“And win, just for you,” he says with a wink, grinning at the prospect. My first thought is “what the hell is wrong with this boy”, followed immediately by “I think I love him”.

Oh.

So, that’s what this feeling is. How did I not realize sooner? It’s painfully obvious in hindsight. He’s the one person I’ve taken an actual interest in for a long time. Life always feels better when he’s around. But does he feel the same? No, he couldn’t. He can’t love someone as rotten as me. My heart refuses to listen to logic, though. Tentatively, I ask, “You’d really fight a god for me?”

“Yup!” Ren answers almost immediately. Yawning a little, he leans back against the futon and arcs his back for a moment. The motion almost reminds me of a cat. “Hey, Akeppi?”

There’s that dumb nickname again, though I can’t say we’re in public this time. “What?”

“It was a pickup line.”

I try to laugh it off as a joke. He cannot be serious. I don’t care if I hope that he means it; it’s not possible. “Surely you jest. I’m sure you have girls falling head-over-heels for you.”

“I may be Joker, but I’m not joking about my feelings towards you.”

“I lied. That is the cheesiest pickup line I’ve ever heard.”

“Is it working?”

I’m silent for a while, unsure of how to respond. I can’t deny that I feel something for the raven-haired boy sitting next to me. It’s complicated. Everything about him, from the way he looks at me with those beautiful gray eyes to the way he plays with his bangs when he’s lost in his thoughts to even the hum he makes when he’s thinking, it’s all so...perfect. I don’t deserve someone as special as him. I don’t. Yet here he is, willing to give me a chance. But, there’s no time for this silly romance cliche between us, not until Ren is decidedly not going to die at my hands. “Let’s just focus on surviving the rest of this week first.”

“Okay,” he replies. He doesn’t seem upset, which is a good sign. “Are you going to be okay tonight? If you want, I could stay the night.”

I shouldn’t even be surprised that he’s the one who suggests that first. “I...I suppose...but don’t you have school tomorrow?”

“Yeah, but I’m sure Kawakami’ll cover for me.”

“I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you-”

“Don’t worry, you aren’t,” he immediately interjects, taking the opportunity to lean against me.

We must have managed to fall asleep there, because the next thing I know, it’s morning. Ren is still resting comfortably against me. People say that seeing someone sleeping makes them look more adorable, and now I can see why. His hair gently falls into his eyes, his lips parted ever so slightly as he dreams. Hoping not to disturb him, I place a soft, little kiss on his forehead. He continues to blissfully sleep. I don’t know if I’m imagining it or not, but I swear his lips twitched into a smile for a brief moment. I can’t help but smile wistfully back, even if he doesn’t see it. My voice is barely a whisper as I give words to the thoughts in my head.

“I love you, Ren. Please...don’t die.”

#akeppi writes #p5 #persona 5 #goro akechi #akechi #ren amamiya #akira kurusu #akeshu #shuake #writing prompt

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lokisrare · 4 years

Text

our story

A/N: Just in case you don’t know I’m a hardcore Harry Styles fan and Fine Line belongs to a museum so I thought of this (I’ll list the songs at the end) if you haven’t listened to it yet I recommend you to do it, it’s really a masterpiece. I won’t put any warnings because there aren’t any, except some angst anyway I hope you all love it, if you do, let me know! Had to repost because the links weren’t working and I didn’t know how to fix it so yeah lol

WORDS: 2071.

PLOT: George recapitulates his life with Lola as she walks down the aisle.

PAIRINGS: George Mackay x ofc.

She (she)

She lives in daydreams with me (she)

She’s the first one that I see

And I don’t know why

I don’t know who she is (she, she)

Maybe it was the pink hair that had completely grabbed his attention towards her or maybe the different flowery jumpers she used to wear almost every day; the thing is, George realized as days passed by that she owned a lot of them, with different colors and patterns, not because he stared at her all of the time like a psycho -or maybe a little-, but because she just outshined everyone wherever she was by the way she dressed and how spontaneous her personality seemed to be.

It was a Monday morning, it was really early and everyone looked like crap including him, except for her, she was doing one of the girls’ hair while looking effortlessly beautiful, now the locks of her hair were violet and a nose piercing made its first appearance; George was mesmerized by her and only realizing how much he was staring when someone hit his head in the back. Really hard.

“Careful! You idiot.” He said while massaging the back of his head.

He was about to get up to follow Andrew, who was already walking off while laughing but a little giggle stopped him in his tracks; turning around, he directed his attention to the make-up section where she was looking at him with a funny expression on her face, her cheeks blushed when she realized he heard her. George smiled at her and when she smiled back his heart stopped for a moment. Cheesy. But it was a start, he thought at the time, he still didn’t even know her name but it was a start. Definitely.

Sunflower

My eyes

Want you more than a melody

Let me inside

Wish I could get to know you

“Lola please, it’s just a coffee. If you hate me after it, I won’t talk to you or even look at you” he pleaded.

He had finally gotten her name, it suited her, he thought. George had reached out to her one night while she was organizing her stuff, after that, they started to talk almost every day on set; early in the mornings when no one really wanted to talk they’d be laughing at some stupid conversation topic.

But George wanted more, he wanted to know other things rather than the superficial stuff, he wanted to really get to know her.

Lola crossed her arms and huffed, George thought it was funny how intimidating she was even when he was way taller than her, it was like she was always the one in control, and he found himself already liking this side of her.

“I told you I don’t like to get involved with people from my job, I’m still working my way into this industry and I don’t want to fuck it all up” she said, very serious and looking really concerned about her place at the time and George almost instantly regretted being so insistent.

“I’m sorry, you’re completely right,” he saw Lola’s face transform into a look of surprise and relieve, maybe it was the first time a boy actually listened to her and understood her reasons; “but, please, keep doing my make-up, Rose makes me look like a Ken doll whenever she gets her hands on my face and I creep myself out when I look in the mirror.” He tried to ease the moment with a not-so joke.

Lola let out a laugh and nodded. He smiled at her and started to leave not before leaning in and kissing her on the cheek, before turning on the opposite direction he caught a glimpse of her blushing and smirked.

Before he could cross the door, he heard her let out a curse under her breath and a heavy sigh right before she called out his name, asking him to come back into the room.

“Fine, let’s grab a coffee, but I get to choose the place.” Lola said with a shy smile. It was the first time she didn’t look as her confident self, he thought.

“It’s a date, then” George smiled satisfied and she furrowed her eyebrows.

“Not a date, it’s just a coffee.”

Tastes like strawberries on a summer evenin’

And it sounds just like a song

I want your belly and that summer feelin’

I don’t know if I could ever go without

Watermelon sugar high

Every day it passed he realized how much of a free old soul she was. Lola loved exploring and finding places; like one time in England when she found an abandoned theater with a little museum inside and made him spent the night, it wasn’t creepy at all because they also found out stray dogs lived there. Maybe if he made a top three of their dates, it would’ve been number two because now, as he stared at the ocean right in front of him while he seated on the top of a rock he thought this date would be placed in number one for sure.

Not only because he loved the beach and how private and intimate this place was, but how beautiful she looked with that loose white dress she was wearing, her hair up in a messy bun, and her cheeks red because of the sun.

“I could stay here forever,” he said mostly to himself as she was eating a piece of watermelon, she nodded, her mouth full. It made him laugh at her, she looked like a little girl doing a mess.

“I wouldn’t though, this place gives me the creeps during night because those rocks there look like a skull when its dark and some friends say they heard a woman crying once.”

“Oh, we are not staying then. Definitely not.” Lola nodded agreeing with him while she cleaned her hands, once she was done she laid her head on top of his thighs.

George smiled down at her and looked straight into her eyes and then down to her lips, Lola grabbed the back of his neck leading his lips into hers.

The kiss was soft but loving, her lips tasted sweet and he thought how he could never get tired of her.

Lola was something else.

But I can feel it take a hold (I can feel it take a hold)

I can feel you take control (I can feel you take control)

Of who I am, and all I’ve ever known

Lovin’ you’s the antidote

Golden

“Lola, sweetheart, would you help me over here?”

“Of course!”

George looked at Lola as she helped his mother with some recipe for a dessert she had found on the internet.

He didn’t know why he couldn’t stop staring at her, maybe the fact that it was the first time in four years -five almost-, he saw her with her natural hair color and she looked absolutely stunning, her nose ring was still there but her factions were way more mature.

Or maybe it hit him how much they had grown together, how many moments they lived, great and not so great, and how much he loved the way his family adored her.

He loved her. Lola had him since the first moment he landed his eyes on her and then never let him go. She was his treasure, his gold, his everything and he was so happy knowing he was the exact same thing for her.

It was then when he looked down at his pocket and felt the little delicate ring his grandmother gave to him. He never felt more ready.

There’s things that we’ll never know

You sunshine, you temptress

My hand’s at risk, I fold

Crisp trepidation

I’ll try to shake this soon

Spreading you open

Is the only way of knowing you

We’ll be a fine line

(…)

We’ll be alright

The apartment was dark and silent. It felt as it was completely empty. Yet it wasn’t. George was sitting at the end of the hall, his back against your shared bedroom door, it was long time ago when he last heard you sob, he figured you’d be sleeping by now but still it didn’t felt right to come in.

He hurt you, he was well aware of it, yet he couldn’t do anything about it. He knew he had no control over this part of his job, the traveling.

He knew Lola liked to pretend she was doing fine, she didn’t like to be seen as fragile or dependent, she was raised that way, he could never blame her, but it was hard sometimes when George wanted nothing but to know what was hurting her, it was so hard to get Lola to open up about how she was feeling.

He would feel like she didn’t trust him, and distance fucks things up most of the time when trying to talk things through, she was stubborn and he wasn’t patient.

George got up and slowly opened the door, she was facing him and he could tell she was peacefully sleeping by her calm breathing.

He sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Lola, her nose was still a little red, he noticed her eyes had gotten a little swollen too, it broke him because he hated being the reason behind her suffering.

George caressed her cheek, then her arm, slowly and lovingly; he looked at her hand, his grandmother’s ring decorating her finger. George felt his chest getting heavy and his sight getting blurry from the tears so he closed his eyes letting them fall, it hurt him too, he hated to leave her for so long, he hated not being there for her accomplishments or her difficult times and vice versa. Sometimes he felt his love wasn’t enough.

George opened his eyes startled as he felt her hand cupping his face. Lola was looking at him, her sight holding sadness and tiredness but yet he could feel the love on her delicate touch.

“Come here” was all she said.

George laid beside her and she hugged him, their faces inches from each other, he kissed her forehead as she closed her eyes.

“We’ll be alright” she said before falling back asleep, and George held to that promise.

And oh we started

Two hearts in one home

It’s hard when we argue

We’re both stubborn

I know, but oh

Sweet creature, sweet creature

Wherever I go, you bring me home

Sweet creature, sweet creature

When I run out of road, you bring me home

All this moments, the good and the bad, the really low times when they had nothing but each other to hold on to and the happiest of times when they also had each other to share their joy.

It all came to flashes to George’s mind as he saw her walking down the aisle to him, her white gown with little golden flowers decorating it perfectly, she had her hair up but he could still see the pink on the ends of it falling loose from her hairdo, just like the first time he saw her.

And maybe, he thought, he wouldn’t be able to promise her a perfect marriage but he could promise her his devotion and all the love and adoration he felt for her.

Because he loved Lola since the first time he saw her, when she still had a baby face with round cheeks and so many doubts about her future and he loved her now as the successful woman she had become, so confident, so smart and so beautiful.

When she finally arrived to him, he realized he was crying when she laughed and cleaned his cheeks with her fingers.

“Oh please George, you’re going to ruin the Ken doll make up” she said jokingly.

“Yeah, joke all you want. Look where just a coffee leaded us too” George said and Lola looked at him with a confused look, he smirked at her and then she gave him a look, realizing what he meant.

“God, George, can we please get married before I regret it” she said making the priest laugh.

“You had 8 years for that” he bragged, “fine, let’s get this done milady” he took Lola’s hand winking at her as the priest started speaking.

He stared at her. She was perfect. This day was perfect.

________

from Fine Line(2019): She, Sunflower, Watermelon Sugar, Golden, Fine Line. from Harry Styles(2017): Sweet Creature.

(CLICK THE ALBUM’S NAMES IF YOU WANT TO CHECK THEM OUT)

#george mackay #george mackay imagine #george mackay x reader #1917 imagine #1917 fanfic

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freebooter4ever · 4 years

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i cant sleep and its too hot to fucking function in my basement so lovecraft country ramble time

ok so first off I TOTALLY CALLED BLONDE BITCH BEING THE NEXT BIG BAD fuck yeah! I knew she plotted to kill her father and this was her sole purpose for luring Tic in, not because she wanted his power or prestige but because she knew it would give her shit dad enough hope to convince him to commit suicide by attempting some crazy spell lol. But there is no way she has Tic or Leti's best interests in mind, i am one hundred percent convinced that this girl is after power in the way her father wants power - which is like an awesome way of highlighting white womens tendency to want to gain the privilege of white men rather than seeking to destroy the entire system of privilege. Thats why i think Tic and Leti are gonna have to take the white lady down. Also pretty sure the white lady and creepy stare dude are the same person and that she can switch genders which is kinda cool, but also if she is the big bad and her evilness is tied to her fathers hatred of women and then we throw in some magical sex change and bisexuality in there...yeahhhhh. oh well, im not too concerned cause the rest of the story is too ducking good.

I AM SO CONFUSED BY ALL THE HORROR STUFF like i totally get all the history references (except for emmit till that was very sad and wow what detail), but i am shooting in the dark trying to figure out how all these different pieces of lore fit together. i think that might be the one complaint i have about the show, the rules of the magic are unclear and not well explained....i am very picky about magic and rules, ive been spoiled by diana wynne jones expert handling of this. BUT its a cool magic and the history side of the story is spectacular so again not too concerned.

Papa Tic is gay isnt he :( and in love with that bar owner dude, and this must be why George is Tic's real father (still in denial that he is dead) and why that one random guy who seems to be an old classmate of Tic and Leti's keeps taunting Tic about it. Papa Tic being gay could also explain why his father beat the life out of him but not George, which was always a little wishywashy and uncertain. If this is the case, im gonna cry, cause like that suddenly humanizes this character in a way that i think could make it possible for this epic quest to mend Tic and Papa Tic's family.

Im in love with Leti, like the entire show could be her character and Id probably be happy. I wish we could see more of her motivations, and as much as I enjoyed the spontaneous kiss it felt...well...spontaneous.

Leti's sister and white bitch boy was...disturbing? I think it was supposed to be like a steamy sex scene???? I dont honestly know? It was just weird and fell under the im not watching this category alongside like the monsters ripping peoples heads off so...okay.

I CANT BELIEVE PAPA TIC DID THE THING and then the quote in the previews about the magic turning people evil....ALL this makes sense but like...as a history buff....I CANT BELIEVE PAPA TIC DID THE THING. i was super looking forward to having an ancient human deal with the modern world captain america style too. she was already one of my favorite characters and i was invested in her story and how they were all going to heal her and learn so much and then they just....did....that. im biased though, i desperately love any south american history and i think thats where they hinted she was from?? Maybe central america? It said something about many waters which made me immediately think of Tenochtitlan. but again i dont think im enough of an expert here to catch all the references.

ANYWAY if the way the show is headed is that this magic corrupts peoples minds this totally fits with the allegory of the systems of power (white supremacy/racism) needing to be taken down and obliterated rather than (as blonde bitch lady is doing) working to infiltrate them from the inside and take power for themselves. This is also fitting with the fact that Tic didn't do anything to 'earn' his power - it was just birthright and shows how superficial the secret society's connections are. So, hopefully because of this Tic will be able to see through the temptation (theres a lot of adam eve and temptation stuff to delve into too) and allure of absolute power and realize that by learning this stuff he is actually endangering his family even more rather than hope to wield the power and protect them. Kinda like poor Boromir and the ring of power actually.

I LOVE THIS SHOW sorry if this readmore doesnt work and i accidentally give someone spoilers

#Pls not too much horror lovecraft country liveblog

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casual-eumetazoa · 4 years

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mmmmmmmmmmmkay... gotta say Words about the episode, I guess

things I liked:

the show looks good, I’ll give them that - visually/aesthetically very pleasing, the music is amazing (I still miss Gold but I am starting to like this new guy a lot), everything seems modern, expensive, high quality

the theme music is wonderful and the title sequence slaps; love that shit! feels classic and brand new at the same time, and very Doctor Who; probably my favorite title sequence combo of the entire new run

the TARDIS design is gorgeous, like I cannot stress enough how much I love it; again, probably my favorite of the entire new run, and definitely top three of all that were ever made; it feels like a hybrid between Tenth’s TARDIS and Eighth’s TARDIS - bold, creative, beautiful design; on a related note, loved that “fixing the TARDIS” bit; I hope the fam will spend more time inside the TARDIS this season

the actors are giving their best; I feel like C was a huge waste of Stephen Fry, but perhaps it was a deliberate decision (because maybe Mr Fry wanted a cameo but did not have time for more scenes);

Whittaker is good - idk if that was a move on her part or the writers/directors decision, but her Doctor feels calmer, more natural now; she is still quirky and mysterious and herself, but she feels more like a person, you know, and not a bunch of facial expressions and voice inflections thrown together

the companions are good too - Yaz is finally getting attention, and God, Graham and Ryan are like my favorite thing now! their dynamic is just a pleasure to watch; you can make a ‘comedic duo’ compilation just out of this episode alone

the new monsters are definitely my cup of tea; strange, spooky, not full on horror movie scary but still threatening... *chef’s kiss* I loved the twist of them getting through the TARDIS door - that has never happened before, I like that; I like how the Doctor quietly freaks out about it as well, cause she hates not knowing something and hates not being in charge; that scene where she keeps asking the creature and when it finally replies it is just mocking her? good shit right there; wanna see more of these guys for sure

and after some reflection, if you take it in isolation, I do love the final airplane scene; like if I just look at it as a piece of TV/storytelling, I think it is a really good scene; it’s loud, it’s chaotic, yes it is kind of all over the place but it is engaging, and the reveal was out of nowhere and predictable at the same time but I still enjoyed it; and yes it is a stupid cliffhanger but like... it’s Doctor Who! it has always had stupid cliffhangers and I for one respect that decision

things I didn’t like:

oh God... the writing; like I am sorry, okay, but that writing is bad; and it is so confusing to me cause the story overall was good in my opinion - the pace was okay, the events made sense, it has an actual plot, etc - but the writing is still bad? I think the dialogue is the worst by far, but the way the scenes were stitched together is really awkward as well; it feels like it has been written by a talented but severely inexperienced writer who understands more or less how a story is supposed to work but has no idea how to edit

specifically what annoys me is that the dialogue and, to a lesser degree, the sequence of events feels very superficial and forced; it’s not elegant, and it’s not surprising, and it doesn’t feel natural at all; the actors are giving their best but how the hell can you have a good delivery of those lines???

I wanna rewatch it already to give particular examples but the two things that come to mind are C explaining the whole deal with the aliens (telling instead of showing anyone? especially after you’ve already shown it???) and the interview with Lenny Henry’s character (again, telling instead of showing much?); and idk, the dialogue in general is just... eh, it annoys me that I can’t quite put my finger on why it is so bad - but it is so bad, that initially that thing alone made me dislike the episode

and this is double annoying because I know that Chibnall is a good writer and can write excellent dialogue and put scenes together with no problem, and also because, traditionally, Doctor Who has always had great script editors that should have fixed this; like how do you give a dedication to Terrance Dicks and not fix these awkward fucking lines?? I am confusion

things I am unsure about:

the whole spy thing; initially was very excited about it, because I thought we would get a very Third Doctor era thing, but no, that was just a straight up James Bond knock-off; like, don’t get me wrong, Thirteen in a suit gives me life too - but they could, idk, Doctor-fy the whole thing a little bit? throw in some gaffs and alien words and the Doctor going “oh I was a spy so many times”; instead it felt kinda, idk, not integrated enough; like it made sense for the story, but not for the show overall

also I think that the episode had too much action; that car malfunction at the beginning? entirely unnecessary, could have replaced it with a conversation (Thirteen trying to get info out of the driver for example) and get better results; the motorbike chase? looks very cool, also unnecessary and could have been cut to twenty seconds easily; like, come on, this is Doctor Who! I want good dialogue, not Marvel-level action scenes

and now the most controversial thing... the Master; ufff, I have very complex thoughts about this

I’m not gonna lie, I do like that they are back; I think it was too early to bring them back, and it feels like a solely “for the views” decision with little to no creative thought put into it, but damn I love the character; the actor is great too - that being in disguise with no physical disguise bit? love it! like, in retrospect I can see how much he (the Master) must have enjoyed playing the sweet innocent bloke; and that switch in the final scene... that’s some good acting right there

I am kinda conflicted about his style in general, like I would have preferred for him to lean more on the Delgado side of things - more gravitas, calmness, but still with strong chaotic dumbass energy - but I do understand that the Master has to mirror and contrast the Doctor simultaneously, and this sort of more Simm-like delivery (more in the direction of bananas) works better for Thirteen, especially now that she is less awkward and more calm and collected; I like the homage to classics as well, like that tissue compressor thing, that was really good; and yeah the Master is hot again... nice

also the whole “the Doctor is still being secretive about her past” thing is really working for me - I’d love to see the Master slowly destroying whatever image she has built for herself and thus creating enough conflict between her and the fam to go on for the entire season

but having said all that, if we come back to the decision to bring them back... is Chibnall sure about that? because from what we have seen so far, it feels like we have cancelled out everything that Moffat has done with Missy; we’ve had such an amazing character arc with her in Capaldi’s era and now it’s all gone? now we’re back to blowing up planes and killing the Doctor? why?

I am still holding on to hope that this is an earlier, pre-War incarnation of the Master that somehow slipped in to this timestream, but that seems unlikely; another way I could digest that was if the Master has lost their memory and doesn’t remember being Missy, which would make for a nice eventual reveal of the memories coming back to them and him being like “oh shit” - but if Missy’s entire character arc has been retconned, I am definitely not a fan

also, overall, I feel like Chibnall retconned one thing about the Capaldi era that I really loved - he brought Doctor Who from a proper serious drama (as one part of the show, obviously) to all cheesy, goofy, silly sci-fi nonsense; and like, has Doctor Who been cheesy in the past? definitely, and for most of its history, and I won’t complain about that; but this? this feels too cheesy, especially in contrast with Capaldi’s era; like please, Chibbers, can we please see some drama? if you’re going for the whole quality TV show feel, can we also get proper good dialogue and heightened emotion and higher stakes? cause I think you can overdose on ridiculous in Doctor Who

summary:

honestly if the writing - especially the dialogue - was actually good, this would have been a very good episode, an 9 out of 10 at least; but as it stands, those lines are spoiling it a bit too much for me, so I’ll give it a solid 6 out of 10

I know it is a part one of a two-parter so I won’t make any solid and final judgments yet, especially about the Master and the feel of the series overall; all I can say is that, again, if you ignore the dialogue (which I hope is a random fluke and will go away), this sets a benchmark for series 12 higher than series 11; so I am cautiously optimistic about it, and actually excited to see the next episode, but God do I have high standards now, having consumed a lot of Doctor Who media...

and now that I’ve said approximately 563 highly controversial things, feel free to rip me to shreds I guess - or agree with me, who knows

#doctor who #dw s12 #dw spoilers #spyfall #paradox nerd post #text post

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skylights422 · 4 years

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Makai Ouji: Devils and Realist Anime Review

I started watching Makai Ouji: Devils and Realist largely because I wanted a short, fun fantasy series to binge through, and as far as fulfilling that goal went the series worked extremely well. The story follows William Twining, an arrogant, wealthy, Victorian English fella whose family goes bankrupt suddenly, leaving him unsure of how to pay for his next semester at the extremely prestigious university he attends (I assume it was a university because the Church was on campus and most of the guys seemed like young adults, but then Isaac seemed like he was possibly a teen so I...am actually unclear on which it was). Anyways, he rushes to his estate to look for something to sell to fund his tuition with the aid of his loyal butler, Kevin, but instead finds a demon summoning circle. Accidentally summoning the demon Dantalion, who tells him he is the chosen Elector who can decide who will rule Hell while Lucifer is in a coma, William goes into hard denial mode, as he is a realist and does not believe in demons. The series follows William as demons such as Dantalion try to convince him to elect them as ruler, going undercover at his school to earn his good opinions, while he vehemently denies any responsibility for Hell's government whilst being targeted by Heaven and Hell alike to be used or taken out. The aesthetics of the anime (visuals, voice acting, and music) were all amazing, the characters generally had fun designs and I just really loved the animation. The plot was fun, and at certain points quite interesting (the various lore around the angels and demons, and biblical figures like Solomon were all really cool fundamentally), but the series hit some serious pacing issues in the last two episodes. Before that, things were moving fairly slowly, the epic fantasy plot taking the background to the general school-demon shenanigans, which worked just fine to keep the viewer interested while allowing them to have fun seeing the characters interact and fight various enemies, but in the last two episodes they tried to explain too much while still having some big-scale climax, which didn't work very well as it felt unearned and left most of the already introduced plot and character points wildly unaddressed. This could have been easily resolved by doubling or tripling the length of the series, since all the right pieces were there for a really incredible and fun fantasy story, but most of them didn't go anywhere satisfying. The character relations suffered a similar fate; I found all the main characters fundamentally likable and/or interesting, and I appreciated the general lack of emphasis on romance, but because of the slower pace for most of the series we only see the relationships develop superficially. I could tell William was growing fond of his demon classmates because of how much time they spent together and he would show concern whenever one got injured in battle, and that was kind of fun/charming in a way, but we didn't get to see a whole lot of real conversations between them that could have gone a long way in developing that friendship. The side relationships had it worse because while they were interesting when introduced, they didn't get to do much or have any kind of resolution (is the fact that Sitry serves an abusive uncle ever going to be like...addressed? Or the whole thing with Kevin and the angels? Who knows). And then Solomon was a character I just couldn't get a good grasp on, and likewise his relationships with his 74 demon pillars felt pretty unclear (I joke about Solomon being in a 74-way poly ship with them, but really most of the individual relationships were left super unclear/underdeveloped). Largely this was because we only saw brief glimpses of him in flashbacks in the series, so when they info-dumped his backstory in the last two episodes it made it feel incomplete and harder to follow or feel invested in. It felt like a lot of details were still left out somehow. So all in all, I'd say the series is both a lot of fun and very flawed. Did I enjoy watching it? Yes. Was it ultimately satisfying? No. For just a lighthearted binge it's perfect, but trying to get into any more deeply than that leaves with a whole lot of questions that probably won't ever be answered. I do intend to read the manga to see if/how much it expands on the story or what it handles differently, since the show was certainly intriguing, but as a standalone anime it isn't super strong even if it is quite entertaining.

#makai ouji: devils and realist #devils and realist #anime #anime review

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xoruffitup · 5 years

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Burn This First Preview: 3/15 Show Report

OKAY it’s 3 AM and I’m writing this on my phone so the format might be weird, but I have SO MANY thoughts and feels from tonight I’ve got to let the tidal wave out!!

First off - Yes, he looked gorgeous at stage door and he was so kind trying to sign for everyone he could! (The line was longggg.) I GOT HIS AUTOGRAPH AND THANKED HIM FOR SUCH A MOVING PERFORMANCE AND HE SAID “OH THANK YOU VERY MUCH” AND LOOKED UP AT ME WITH HIS GORGEOUS EYES AND GORGEOUS FACE AND THERE IS A PIC OF THIS MOMENT THAT WILL FOREVER LIVE IN MY HEART:

This is my new OTP, folks: Adam/The back of my head!

I attempted to ask for a pic but was hesitant and security had already half pulled him away so he was like “I don’t know if I’ll have time” sounding so nervous about getting to the whole line. BABY <333

Aksjsknsm I can’t believe I was this close to him - It hasn’t fully set in and omg I better just keep writing before it does set in and I lose my shit completely!

Play Highlights! (This list is Plot-Spoiler free.)

Alas, sadly there is not that much nakedness. He takes his pants off in Act 1 but has underwear and a long shirt on. The BEST is when he comes on wearing one of Keri/Anna’s kimono-style purple silk robes in Act 2 - I nearly DIED and cannot believe I saw that with my own eyes!! When he first steps onstage the robe’s open and he’s only wearing underwear so you get a nice chest glimpse, but then he sadly ties it. (Then proceeds to hilariously struggle with getting one of his arms through the complicated sleeves.) Oh, and did I mention the robe was paired with knee-high socks?

Adam is HYSTERICAL. He doesn’t come on stage for about the first twenty minutes, but when he did, it took all of 5 minutes for the audience to be in the palm of his hand, laughing at every other word he said. His delivery of all of Pale’s curse-laden, barely-logical rants and complaints is just masterful in comedic timing and effect. He’s a literal hurricane when he enters the show, flooding the stage with this frenetic, chaotic energy so intense he’s practically vibrating. He keeps everything at break neck pace, through 0-100 highs and lows where he’s bitching about parking one second, then animal-wail crying the next.

His character’s not likeable. Really, this is a testament and praise to Adam’s acting. After his first couple minutes on stage, there were stretches when I literally forgot it was him. When I was so taken in and then repulsed by this character in turns, his acting prowess overcame even my instinct to love him and everything he does on sight. I’m about to get deeper into the weeds on his character in the next section, but suffice it to say Adam’s performance is stellar and completely, convincingly transformative.

How heated does it get? The only intimate scene that happens in front of the audience includes some slow kissing, a bit down Keri/Anna’s neck, and wandering hands. The rest is implied off stage.

The play is set in the 80s, so while Keri looks KILLER in every single outfit, Adam’s suits are all big and baggy as was the style then and they’re not exactly flattering. His costume look is just a bit weird, not nearly as smolderingly hot as how they styled him in the promo pics. But even with that said.... The scene where they’re both close on the couch, talking softly before kissing happens? I would have still gone for him too. ;_;

The rest of this report is going to dive into and attempt to untangle some of the deeper elements and themes of the play. Stop reading here if you’re avoiding spoilers!

To my perspective, this wasn’t really a play about a smoldering, ill-advised love affair. Yes, that’s the main event, but this play is about so much more.

Anna and Pale are star-crossed lovers. No, not in the Disney or destined interpretation - I mean the proper, tragic meaning. Whatever is between them should not exist. Whatever is between them threatens and harms them both. Whatever is between them is not long for this world, and doesn’t belong in it.

But why doesn’t it belong? Sure, there are the technical, superficial reasons: Anna has a boyfriend; Pale is married with kids (though technically separated); They are polar opposite people - Sharing no visible common interests and with temperaments that couldn’t be more opposite.

What is the one thing stronger than all of that, which first brings them together? Their grief; Their shared (yet deeply personal and divergently different) senses of grief; The solace and understanding they can only find for that grief with each other. The loss they’ve both experienced is life-changing, and has no place to fit into or even exist at all in their normal lives.

And so, they hurtle into an affair that also has no place existing in their normal lives. By the end of the play, they both assert “I don’t want this.” To a certain degree, it’s the truth. It’s unlikely either of them would have willfully chosen to pursue the other, had they met under different circumstances. They would likely never have opened or even tapped at the floodgates of their attraction, unless they had both gravitated towards this dark, abnormal part of life outside the realm of everyday lives, jobs, rational behavior, and decisions.

To me, this play was really about confronting that abnormal, primal, and sometimes unfathomable level of being that exists below the everyday. Pale has a memorable remark about all the little lies people live with and show to the world each day. Sometimes - when it is cut open and its value or sense thrown into question by some great tragedy such as a loss like this - you lose touch with that everyday life and the person you think you are within that everyday world. It becomes painfully juxtaposed and shrunk tiny, in the face of something all-encompassing and all-powerful, like grief. It becomes exposed as paper thin; Everything within it questionable and perhaps useless.

There is something of the profound in an emotion like grief. When it’s shared with someone, it’s no wonder that that also unlocks some profound connection. Anna and Pale don’t like each other as people, and they certainly take no enjoyment in the grief that brought them together. Yet, the relationship that blooms from it contains a compulsion and truth neither of them can deny. Even though they “don’t want this” (the rational, everyday side of their minds talking), they both admit they’ve never felt anything like it before, and they keep finding themselves drawn together. They don’t want to want each other - It’s painful and frightening for both of them, and yet their attraction wraps them both just as completely as their grief.

Anna’s boyfriend Burton is the epitome of the everyday. He earns a lot of money, he’s a well-dressed gentleman. He’s a writer, and fancies he can capture and portray the entire spectrum of human emotion. Even “great love,” as he fumblingly attempts to describe towards the play’s beginning. Yet all his talk is vapid and empty; As is his relationship with Anna. Theirs is one of the everyday, rational variety. It belongs with the small lies we live with and put on and speak and perform each day - To keep our lives square and tidy and comprehensible.

Then - There’s the chaotic, unpredictable, bordering violent being of Pale. He is every sincere, larger-than-life emotion and base instinct most people tamp down and deny voice to. He represents the terrible, uncontrollable, threatening Truth of everyday masks, dark desires, and empty identities of performativity.

Their attraction is not something Anna can bear to look in the face. She throws Pale out and ends the relationship because that deeper truth of true emotion unlocked by her grief cannot coexist with her reality. Her ability to continue dancing, to continue the everyday life she’s trying so hard to believe in and trust the purpose of - It cannot contain Pale. He represents and unlocks profound, unknown feeling that casts the waking world as a shadow.

And yet for all that discomfort, she has an artistic breakthrough after the affair with Pale. She is inspired to finally choreograph Robbie’s final send-off piece. And with Anna, Pale unlocked a part of himself that was calm, gentle, and soothed - A version of himself totally incongruous with his own reality and the identity he wears. Both of them are changed through their journey together through the Profound. It is a deeply uncomfortable, destabilizing place that neither of them wish to remain in. And yet its power is undeniable; Its impact unforgettable. The very experience of it is something they seek comfort for and can only find from each other.

Is it better to tell little lies each day so the world will make sense? So you can understand exactly who’s looking back at you in the mirror, and the quotidian will shade your perception of the invisible and unfathomable depths of human experience? So everything will remain neat and in control?

Or - Does it give meaning to abandon control? To surrender to grief and undesired passion, for the sake of a reality that is uncompromisingly, viscerally, heartbreakingly genuine? The harsh, infinite light all the rest of life seems to be constructed to blot from our eyes?

I really hope that as more people see the play, people will start posting their interpretations as well! I would love some good analysis dialogues! In the meantime, I will now slide right back into flaily, trash fangirl mode.... Thank you for reading all this, if you got this far! Go see this marvelous, haunting play if you’re able!!

All the love to my fangirl besties!!! @reylonly Thanks for making it an amazing night! :’)))

#Adam Driver #Burn This #Broadway #Keri Russell #driverdaily

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dreadnought-dear-captain · 5 years

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You Asked, I Told - Part 1 of 2

Hello everyone! It’s been a while since I’ve addressed anything BW-related, since I got sucked into post-Endgame Saltfest 2019. Even though I really wanted to write more about the movie, especially trying to justify Steve’s actions (which was becoming harder to do the more I thought about it), I started to think it was a big fucking waste of time. Thank you to everyone who commented and contributed to the discussion, BTW. It was very fulfilling to commiserate. So I went back to finishing the latest chapter of BW, because these are characters I actually do have control over, and the final 19.7k word version of Chapter 34 is with the beta now. Once she’s done looking at it, I’ll have it posted for you.

On to the Asks, which contain spoilers for Endgame and Baghdad Waltz

First is a two-part question:

Question 1: Is this a biography? I think if a writer is going to bring characters to life, they need to tap into parts of themselves that show up in their characters, like emotions, thoughts, behaviors, etc. and be able to skillfully convey those in writing. Otherwise, if they can’t viscerally capture and portray that, their characters are going to be flat. But very little of BW is biographical, though there are certainly small pieces of myself and my experiences I put into the characters here and there. If it reads biographical, I hope it’s because of the (way, way too much) time I spend fleshing out the characters’ psyches and quirks and plotting their back stories and their trajectories and researching as many details as I can.

Question 2: Bucky has had a lot of sexual partners, and there are many possible explanations as to why this may be. He certainly does seem to have a “type,” right? We know that he’s been with Thor, we have hints that he’s been with an “Alex” (though the circumstances aren’t clear with this one - more to come a few chapters down the road). You really hit very astutely on Bucky’s insecurity around Steve’s bisexuality, which is a reflection of his own internalized homophobia, which tells him that Steve could never really be happy with him because gay relationships are inferior to straight ones and he’ll just leave for a woman in the end so he can have a “real” life. This really came out in Iraq when they had their big throw down fight before Trip died.

But there’s also something deeper here, which is that Bucky is also very, very scared of being close to anybody. He’s terrified of intimacy, true emotional intimacy, which is what Steve was offering to him — and demanding from him. After 9/11, when Steve was terrified that Bucky was dead and asked to move in together, Bucky’s response was to sign up for active duty and ensure that never happened. Bucky has a deep core of mistrust and fear around interpersonal relationships, and Steve wanted something more than he was capable of giving. And it’s possible that the whole bisexuality thing is a thing, for sure, but not the deepest thing. Steve wanted all of Bucky — body, mind, heart, soul. And that scared the fuck out of Bucky. Not because he’s an asshole, as you say, but because he has a lot of trauma that hasn’t been addressed in the narrative or in his relationship with Steve. So it’s easier for him to just engage in superficial sexual encounters that will go nowhere, and it’s also a way for him to regulate his emotions, in addition to drinking. He gets to feel good and competent, because he’s good at sex, and that’s what he’s good for, and he also hates himself for it because it reinforces his gayness and something that causes and has historically caused him a lot of hurt.

So, yeah. It’s complicated. And neither of them really know that these processes are taking place, so for Bucky, it just feels chaotic and scary, and for Steve, it feels like Bucky is just abandoning him over and over again.

Thank you for the questions!!

You are not annoying! I love these questions! I had to get out the internet for this one.

So, as to the Sam and Natasha part, you must be psychic, because this is actually going to be addressed in the next chapter. You’ll also get some backstory on Bucky and Natasha’s relationship. So I’ll let the chapter speak to that. As for the money part, yeah, this apartment is not cheap - probably $2000 a month in 2010 money. It’s Windsor Terrace, so not QUITE as high profile as Park Slope, but this is not a cheap place to live. I calculated that Bucky is probably getting about $1900 a month from combined VA and Army retirement pay, which would offset a chunk of the rent. Bucky also actually has a lot of money in savings, but yeah he’d be burning through it pretty fast, which may be another reason why he’s trying to get a job.

Throughout his career, Bucky got extra pay for re-enlistments, hostile fire/imminent danger pay, hardship duty pay, and non-taxable regular pay on deployments. People in the military also get their housing paid for through something called Basic Allowance for Housing, which you can really pocket if you play your cards right. So if he was a Sergeant First Class living with another Sergeant First Class like Sam or Natasha, they would each get about $900 a month tax free to pay for an apartment or house in Fayetteville, NC — where you could rent an entire new house for less than that. He’d also get about $325 a month for food. So he was probably able to bank a lot of money during his career. At the same time, he wasn’t a guy who spent money on much except booze and going out to get laid while he was Stateside. And then there’s the matter of George’s $100,000 life insurance payout, which Winnie made sure went to her kids for school or, in Rikki’s case, to also help fund her business. This is why Winnie worked so much when they came to New York, so that she didn’t have to dip into that fund. She also receives a small surviving spouse’s pension each month for the rest of her life. (BTW, the life insurance payout is now $400,000.) Because Bucky went to a CUNY, he would have had his school completely paid for through the MERIT scholarship program, so he wouldn’t have had to dip into that money at all. He worked to pay his rent while attending college and drilling with the National Guard, which would have paid him less than $200 a month.

So, yeah, something is going to have to give soon, meaning either Quill has to pony up or Bucky has to get a job — preferably both! — because Bucky would hate to have to spend any of his father’s life insurance money on something like rent.

Great question! Rikki and Daisy have a very open relationship, so I’d imagine there isn’t a lot Daisy doesn’t know about Rikki’s experience of her childhood. However, Rikki doesn’t have the same experience of childhood that Bucky has, clearly. There will be a scene between Rikki and Bucky in Chapter 34, so I’m curious to know what you think after that. As far as Daisy knowing that something is up with Bucky’s childhood beyond what Rikki has disclosed to her, I agree with you that she is very intuitive and psychologically minded and has enough distance to probably hypothesize that something big happened during that time. I imagine she also wonders if Rikki isn’t more affected than she seems to be, given what we know about George’s behavior. Given the scene at George’s grave last year, Rikki appears well-adjusted around his death and around him as a father in general, even in spite of his abusive behavior. Daisy may wonder if this is actually adjustment or if it’s denial. I have no doubt that Daisy sees all sorts of shadows in the Barnes/Buchanan history, but she also probably struggles to find her place in terms of what her role is in helping Rikki explore these possibilities. And as for Bucky, I think Daisy tries to stay well boundaried around him, so even if she saw something, I’m not sure what — if anything — she would say to him or to Rikki.

Thank you so much for the kind words <3 I am so glad you liked this moment, because this was a monumental act for Bucky. They didn’t even do this when they were together as a couple, and here they are, possibly not even friends, Steve reaching out, and Bucky actually responding with a “yes.” We will see what comes from it, but yeah, this was so big for them. I really loved writing this scene so much.

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Okay, on to Part Two!

#YOU ASKED I TOLD #asks

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things-we-used-tc-share · 5 years

Text

You say things with your mouth, flies and cobwebs come out

(I wrote a twenty one pilots fanfic of the same name a few years and this is loosely based on that, except this one is very long, It’s split up into 5 parts in case you need a break and come back to it, but I didn’t particularly want to make this a multi-chapter fic)

Warnings: Suicide attempts, depression, intrusive thoughts, general poor mental health, bullying, shitty parents, abuse ((Very slight NSFW in Part 4, I will put it in italics so you can skip over it))

Ship: Prinxiety, background Logicality

Plot: Roman Prince finds a startled, quiet boy outside the school, surrounded by three known bullies, and deploys a rescue attempt, in the long run, he doesn’t quite know what this will come to be, or that Virgil is hiding several big secrets. (Jock!Roman) (Selective Mute! Virgil) (Title is taken from Lovely by Twenty One Pilots)

Virgil is huddled between a brick wall and three very large men who have anger sewn into their faces. He doesn’t talk too them, the fear closing up his throat as he stares up at the men, boys really, but they’re built like steroids are part of their diet. They’re talking, words full of anger, but Virgil can’t really hear over the static of his anxiety, so he just screws his eyes shut and waits.

“And just what do you think you are doing?” This is a new voice, a voice he hasn’t heard before, a voice that he can’t tell whether is angry at him or them. He remains silent but peaks his eyes open to see the men backing away. “Y’all need a fucking hobby,” The newcomer speaks calmly, but there’s a fire brewing behind his words “I would hate for the coach to find out exactly what you’ve been pumping through your systems to win this game,” Various noises of protest, anger, and disappointment are elicited from the men, as they shove past the newcomer and walk away.

“Are you alright kid?” Virgil peers through his heavily lined and watery eyes before nodding. He’s trying to assess the newcomer, trying to figure out where he knew him from. It clicked, finally, and his eyes widened.

Roman Prince, quarterback of the football team, dream child and perhaps the most untouchable guy in the school. He was the only person in this entire school who could get away with his sexuality, perhaps because he’s rich or perhaps because he has the most dazzling smile anyone had ever laid eyes on. Either way, Virgil hadn’t known a jock could have a heart.

The young man holds out a hand for Virgil to take, hesitantly and with shaking hands, he does. Roman smiles that award-winning smile and Virgil blinks like he’s just been blinded. In a way, he has; blinded by the fact that this man cared enough to put his own reputation on the line, and also blinded by the fact that that really is a nice smile. “Is there anyone I could call for you? Anywhere I can escort you too? You look pretty shaken up,” Virgil hesitates, and now more than ever he wants his voice to just work, but he supposes he can’t just blurt out his life to the first stranger that’s shown him kindness. He shakes his head.

Virgil thinks he probably looks a mess right now, mud on his jeans, jacket half hanging off his shoulder and shirt rumpled. He realized with a start that his head was sore, from being pushed into the wall. He touches it gingerly and a hiss escapes through his teeth, when he pulls back his hand there’s the slightest bit of blood on his fingertips.

“Shit,” Roman curses “Fucking assholes, we need to get you too hospital,” Virgil makes a noise at the back of his throat, like air being released in protest. “What? Why?” The purple haired boy blinks and then makes a hand gesture that was universal for ‘money’ Roman’s lips made an ‘o’ shape like it’s never dawned on him that people actually worry like that. He feels almost ashamed. “Okay, I know who to take you too, trust me,”

It’s a short walk to Roman’s house, although to Virgil it looked more like a fucking mansion. They’re barely through the door before Roman is shouting “Logan! Logan!” Looking rather tired, a tall and thin man with stubble and a mess of brown hair comes downstairs. He can see Roman’s face in Logan, except older and more exhausted with the world.

“What seems to be the problem, Roman?” The younger gestures to the back of Virgil’s head. Logan finally actually takes in the other boy stood next to Virgil, who has several more scrapes and bruises than first realized. “Jesus Christ,” He doesn’t ask questions, simple gestures for the other to follow him. On the way up, Roman explained Logan is a training doctor and also his older brother.

Virgil sits on the bed, as the elder man examines the wound “What happened here?” He finally says “This is going to need stitches, it’s a good job I have a lot of supplies around here,” Virgil keeps very still as Logan gets to work on his head wound. “Really you should go to the hospital, you might have a deeper wound than can be examined externally,”

“He...He can’t afford it Lo,” Virgil’s cheeks go dark red and he fiddles with his hands in shame, Roman notices and kneels down in front of him “It’s nothing to be ashamed about, it’s not yours or anyone’s fault, except the shitty medical system we have in place,” Logan hums in reply, finally pulling away.

“Okay, you’re all stitched up, your other wounds seem mostly superficial, they’ve stopped bleeding at least, wash them and take some painkillers, come back tomorrow so I can check on them, just to make sure, okay?” Virgil nods slowly, and it seems to only have just occurred to Roman that Virgil doesn’t speak. He was used to doing the talking all the time, so people rarely spoke around him, but this boy hadn’t spoken a word. He didn’t even know his name.

He doesn’t ask, he just grabs a notebook and pen off Logan’s desk and hands it to Virgil “What’s your name?” He asks softly, and the young man blinks for a moment before scribbling down on a piece of paper ‘Virgil’ Roman nods. “It’s a nice name, suits you,”

“In future Virgil, if you sustain any further injuries, please come and see us,” Roman has to blink twice at his brother because kindness was usually his partner’s forte, but he remembers that Logan loves his work perhaps more than anything, and he was passionate about fixing people up. “And if there are any worse injuries I am more than happy to pay for it, I won’t have Roman’s only friend dying in my house,” For a moment, the stern appearance breaks and a small smile peaks across Logan’s lips. “If you’re staying for dinner, let Patton know, and you can keep the notebook, I have plenty more,”

As Roman leads Virgil out of Logan’s room, the younger feels overwhelmed with kindness, tears pricking his eyes. The quarterback notices and offers out his arms, not wanting to overstep a boundary, Virgil all but collapses into them.

Patton, as it turns out, is Logan’s husband, a peppy young man who is over the moon to be feeding an extra mouth tonight. “Do you have any dietary requirements? Allergic to anything? Vegan or vegetarian?” Virgil writes down in the notebook that he’s a vegetarian, and Patton nods “Wonderful! Me too! Unfortunately, these carnivorous animals simply won’t have any of my delicious Quorn meals,” He’s laughing and ruffling Roman’s hair. Virgil has never seen a family so happy before.

“That’s because it tastes like cardboard, Patton my dear,”

Later, Virgil and Roman sat on Roman’s bed, although Roman had insisted on giving the other clean clothes. Virgil wondered where Roman’s parents were, but as soon as Roman had read his question, his face had fallen.

“We don’t speak to our parents, well Patton speaks to his parents because his parents are lovely, but me and Logan don’t,” he sighs “My parents threw Logan out when he was 16, when they found out he was gay in a rather interesting way,” Roman laughs “I’d found it hilarious if not terrifying, every kid has nightmares on their parents walking in on them, when everything blew over me, Logan and Patton had a good laugh about it,” He shrugs “I told my dad I was gay, and I followed Logan right out the door, Logan had a job, and so did I, and Patton was more than happy to help, we all lived in a small flat at first but we saved and eventually got this place, which has a lot more room in it,”

“So Logan is your older brother?” He writes

“Yeah, by six years, he adopted me though, after I registered as estranged from my parents, he legally adopted me, with Patton, then on his 18th birthday him and Patton got married, I wasn’t surprised really, they’d been together longer than I could physically remember, I think they went to primary school together, I was the best man and the flower boy,”

Virgil smiles, he liked happy endings, he’d never seen one outside of a book before.

Virgil’s voice comes back a little while after dinner, he uses it to stutter out a “thank you,” to Patton, offering to do the dishes, in which the other man waves a teatowel at him.

“Don’t be silly, you’re a guest, plus this is the only peace and quiet I get before these two starts fighting over movies,” Virgil giggles, Roman feels like he’s been doused in cold water. It’s not a sudden realization that Virgil is attractive, but his laugh might actually be the nicest music he’s ever heard.

Virgil doesn’t tell Roman about his family. He doesn’t tell him about the burns on his arms. He doesn’t tell him about his depression. Not yet.

But he smiles all night, he laughs, he feels a sweet intimacy with people that he’s never felt with anyone in his life. He blushes as Roman compliments his laugh, his voice, listens too him gush about Virgil in general. That’s not something he’s ever experienced before.

He also tries not to smile when Roman kisses him on the cheek and tells him to get home safe.

Part 2

Roman knows there’s something up with Virgil, a few weeks into their friendship, he knows there’s something the other is battling with. Yet the younger boy had a heart made up of walls, and somehow Roman knew it was more than just the pricks at school that put those walls there. On Virgil’s 18th birthday, he didn’t go home, he stayed at Roman’s, and Roman wondered why he didn’t want to see his family on this day, the dots connected in his head.

Patton baked him a birthday cake, it was purple and it had little white stars on it and Virgil cried. He cried and he hugged Patton and told him “This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me,” Roman’s heart breaks. They’d all bought Virgil gifts too, and the other fell mute as he became overwhelmed with emotions. Patton and Roman sat next to him as he choked on his own breaths, whilst Logan sourced all the blankets in the house and piled them on top of the shaking boy.

“Breathe Virgil,” Logan says calmly, whilst Patton rubs his arms and Roman offers him a hand to squeeze. “I need you to breathe with me okay, copy my breathing, alright?” Roman had never been so thankful for his brother in his life as Virgil began to breathe firmly, eyes not leaving the elder’s worried gaze. “Patton, could you go make Virgil a hot drink? Hot chocolate perhaps?” Virgil nods, wiping away his tears. “Patton makes the best hot chocolates,” Logan informs Virgil, a gentle smile on his face.

He could really see why this man was a doctor, and although he understood that Logan was often a very calculated man, (”Sometimes he’s honestly like a robot, usually when he’s stressed, he used to be a lot worse though” Roman had told him one night whilst they watched re-runs of friends on Netflix) he also knew that when the situation called for it, Logan would do anything for those he cared about.

In truth, Logan and Patton were becoming the closest thing he’d had to a father in his life.

Patton sets the hot chocolate on the table side before gingerly offering the other his present. It’s a small box, containing numerous fidget toys, something that Virgil had voiced previously he wanted but couldn’t afford, and now he had a whole box of them. He could feel his eyes tearing up again as he signed a ‘thank you’.

Logan gives him a notebook, it’s fancy, with textured paper and sleek binding. Virgil thanks him, and pauses to wipe away his tears. Roman’s present is the biggest, it’s wrapped in shiny red wrapping paper that's just so Roman. He unwraps it slowly, his hands shaking slightly, then he beams. It’s a calligraphy set, of different pens and inks all, packed neatly into a beautiful wooden box. ‘Thank you’ he signs, setting it on the floor, before hugging the other firmly, his face buried in his neck.

Virgil stays at Roman’s the night, somewhere between 3am and 5am he kissed him.

His hands were shaking and his lips were cold, but he felt like he was on fire as the other held him like the world would stop for the two of them. He thinks he can taste love in Roman’s lips, amongst the cinnamon and birthday cake and something else that was nothing like anything Virgil had ever tasted before. He kisses him like he’s begging the other not to break his heart, to help him.

Roman kisses him like he’s never been in love before.

Part 3

Roman finally asks Virgil straight out “What’s going on?” Virgil blinks with confusion written into his eyes like a bad parody of what it should be. He knows what Roman’s asking, he doesn’t know if he can tell him. “Virgil, I care about you so much, but you need to let me help you, there’s something wrong I can tell, I’ve always been able to tell but...I really can’t stand to see you look so hurt,”

They sit in Roman’s room and Virgil pulls off his jacket, at first the elder is confused, trying to understand until he sees his arms. He almost doesn’t want Virgil to take his shirt off, but he does. Not for the first time since the elder boy has met him, Roman’s heart shatters in his chest; so hard that the air in his lungs feels like there’s glass lodged in them.

Scars.

All over his arms, chest, back, bruises making patterns of purple and black on the other’s porcelain skin. Burns made ripples up and down the lines of his forearms. Roman feels sick, he feels the weight in his stomach and he stares and stares, trying to understand. Finally, he understands and finally, he speaks. He gathers his calm, and places it in his heart, Virgil needs him to stay calm “Okay, firstly, you need to get those looked at, I think they’re infected,” His voice shakes as he stands “Secondly, we need to get you out of that house,”

It’s a strange sense of deja vu, when Logan’s face pales at the sight of Virgil’s skin, ushering him into his room. Patton calls the police, Virgil can hear him crying. Roman paces, fury in his breathing, and Virgil just feels...numb. He doesn’t know what to do or say. He just holds out his hand, and the other takes it, pressing kisses to his knuckles (Virgil can feel the other’s tears, but he doesn’t know how to console him).

Logan cleans the wounds, some of them need stitches, some of them need bandaging, some of them just need a few plasters. He’s very meticulous, careful, his eyes focused and his body language calm. But Roman knows his brother, Roman knows that Logan’s calm is his anger, but he’s thankful that the other doesn’t rage over the situation. Once again, Roman has never been more thankful for his brother. Virgil is starting to feel the same way about the elder of the two brothers, who had at this point become a surrogate father.

Patton enters the room balancing cups of tea on a tray, he sets Logan’s on his desk, hands Roman his, and places Virgil’s in his hands. Then he sits cross-legged on the floor, muttering encouragements to the three of them. “The police are on their way here, they’ll want to see your,” He gestures “Wounds, Virgil,” The eldest swallows, but there’s no anger in him, only melancholia.

“They’re also going to want to ask questions, some of them will be incredibly invasive, but we will be here if you need further support,” Logan finally speaks. “They’ll take pictures of your scars, they’ll want you to give a statement, your address, your relationship with your family, they’ll ask you so many questions you’ll probably ask if it’s worth it,” He finishes the last wound and stands up, moving to kneel in front of Virgil “But it is always worth it, Virgil, believe me,” The younger nods. “We’ll leave you two alone for now, we’ll let you know when they’re here,”

Roman and Virgil sit on Logan’s bed, with the younger’s head resting on his partner’s shoulder. His expression is blank, but there are tears rolling out of his eyes. “Why are you all so kind to me?” He finally asks.

“Well, we don’t need a reason to be kind to you, initially we saw you needed help, and we helped, because that’s how humans are supposed to be,” He struggles, like he’s trying to recall a fact “Logan says Humans are social animals, that we thrive off being in a society, helping each other and stuff, it’s been that way since the dawn of time, so normally, humans are supposed to help each other,” He pauses “But now, it’s because we love you, Virgil, Patton, and Logan practically see you as an adoptive son that came wandering into our lives a year ago, and I, love you, as a friend, as a partner, as someone I care about very deeply,”

Virgil cracks then, he doesn’t understand, he can’t understand why these people would care so much, he can’t understand what he’s still only learning, at age 18, that people love. That he loves them all, and they love him too, and that despite only knowing him a year they would put everything down to support him. “Thank you Roman,” He whispers.

The police come, they do everything Logan says, by the end of the questions, the photographs, the statements and everything else, he felt like a puppet on display for the world. Patton makes them all dinner after they’ve gone and they sit in silence for a moment before Logan puts down his knife and fork. “Virgil, me and Patton have been talking,” The young man pauses mid-chew too look up at the other “Whilst you are now, 18 years old and free to go anywhere and live anywhere you so desire, we understand that you may need a place to stay,” Virgil’s heart jumps straight too his throat. “We are more than happy for you to stay here, of course, I would need to register you as living here, but we can more than cover the cost of your rent, food and such for a good few months whilst you recover,”

Patton beams at him, and Roman smiles around a forkful of mashed potatoes as the realization sunk in on Virgil. “You’d...do that...for me?”

“You mean a lot to us, Virgil!” Patton speaks, placing a gentle hand on the other’s back. “You practically live here anyway, so, I don’t see why not, plus I love having someone to make veggie dishes for, all my salad and stuff goes out of date before I finish it, so really, I need an extra mouth to feed,”

Virgil laughs, mostly in disbelief, before nodding “Thank you, so much,” But Logan wasn’t finished yet.

“In addition, if you so desire, I have contacted my former trauma counselor, he does excellent rates and helped me a lot through similar situations in which I have found myself...feeling how you may be feeling right now,” Roman looks at his brother, it was a topic that wasn’t often discussed in the house, and a part of the story that the younger of the two brothers had left out purposefully.

The part where their father had put Logan in hospital. Three times.

See there had been points in Roman’s life where he’d remembered the things that their father had put Logan through. The elder was a stubborn boy, he refused to change himself for anyone, and certainly not their bigot of a father. Roman had only been ten when he’d followed Logan out of the door, already very aware of his own sexuality, before that Roman only remembered bits and pieces. Pieces like Logan’s bones on an x-ray, pieces like the black eye he’d been sporting for a week, pieces like bottles smashing, screaming and crying.

He wasn’t surprised when Logan drew into himself after they'd left, he wasn’t surprised that the other had become so stoic that it seemed like there was nothing there. He also wasn’t surprised when Patton booked him a therapy session and patiently helped the other man into his own skin and heart every morning.

Without Patton, Roman doubted there would be a Logan to talk to today.

Virgil stands up and hugs Logan, then Patton, and then Roman, he holds Roman like he’s holding his own heart, firm but gentle. “Thank you so much, all of you,” He whispers, his voice feeling hoarse from all the crying of the last day. “You’ve...you’ve saved my life,”

Part 4

Therapy was not as bad as Virgil had expected at all. He saw Dr Picani once a week, on a Wednesday evening, and the man was...a strange person indeed. He was helpful, however. He spoke mostly in references, all of which Virgil got and understood, and smiled genuinely. In a way, he kind of reminded him of Patton, bubbly, confident, cheerful, but serious when it needed.

He started helping Patton make dinner once he came in from college, which he’d started a month ago and loved it. He was studying Graphic Design, because now he could actually focus on his work and Fine Art, although interesting, was not a path he particularly wanted to follow. Roman bought him a graphics tablet, and he spent his free time drawing, whilst Roman was in college on a football scholarship, although somehow managing to balance two majors. The second being Performing Arts, Virgil could not say he was surprised.

His life was not particularly at it’s best, but he was improving. After he was diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression, he was prescribed medication, which he got benefits to pay for. It had been a long few-month process, but he’s managed it.

Roman had been lovelier than ever, patient with his panic attacks, learning the process in which to calm him down. He read Virgil stories until he fell asleep and kissed him like they were floating on clouds, or at least, it made Virgil feel like he was flying.

His father was currently in prison, awaiting trial, something which Virgil was not looking forward too, either way, he was looking for a distraction. His best distraction was always Roman, who kisses him and touches him like he’s fragile. He appreciates the concern, but for once he wants to feel unbreakable.

When Virgil plonks his bag on Roman’s floor, the other looks up with a smile, greeting him; the words have barely left his mouth before Virgil’s mouth is on his. The younger kisses like a fever, his hands everywhere and anywhere at once and Roman can barely choke out a “Virgil,” Before his lips are pressed to his neck. He swallows his doubts for the favor of the heat crawling underneath his skin.

“Are you sure?”

“Never been more sure in my life,”

It’s a struggle to keep quiet to say the least, although they’d been pointedly ignoring the sounds coming from Logan’s room over the last few months. Virgil doesn’t take his time, it’s not particularly romantic, it’s a lot of noise and bite marks and muttering each other’s name. Until afterward, when they’re cuddling and smiling and holding on to each other like the world is going to end.

Part 5

“I can’t believe he’s getting away with it,” Virgil hisses, whilst Roman tries desperately to keep it calm “The bastard is actually fucking...”

“Virgil breathe, please, honey,” Virgil looks into Roman’s eyes and nods, evening his breathing before it becomes too desperate. “Breath, it’s okay, you’re still safe, you have a restraining order, I know it’s not fair, it really isn’t, but you’re safe here with us, you always will be, I promise,”

Virgil didn’t feel safe. Not from his father, not from himself.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

Roman’s crying, Patton's crying, Logan looks like death warmed up when the ambulance arrives. The elder of the two brothers had spent the last half an hour stitching up wounds and trying to stop his friend from bleeding out all over the floor. Virgil’s blood was very literally on his hands. The bathroom looks like a murder scene. Patton throws up.

“I should’ve stayed with him,” Roman is gasping through tears “I should’ve...oh god, Logan is he going to die?” Logan shakes his head, washing his stained hands before bringing his younger brother into a hug “Will he be okay? What...what do I do?”

“Breathe, Roman, breathe, he will be fine,” His voice is firm, hard, determined and concentrated “He lost a lot of blood, but he’s otherwise okay, he didn’t hit an artery or vein as far as I could see, and I prevented further blood loss, he will be safe at the hospital, which is where we need to go, now,”

Patton is fumbling for his coat and keys, his body moving in directions that he’s not consciously telling it to go. Roman had never seen him look so frantic or lost.

Roman hates hospitals, nothing good ever goes into a hospital. Virgil looks so pale, lips cracked, eyes swollen and red, skin almost translucent. He starts crying again. Logan has seated himself in the corner of the room, legs up as he cracked open a book, whilst Patton sat with his back against the wall, staring at the clock as it ticked.

Roman holds Virgil’s hand, his head resting on the bed as he watched the other man.

When he looks up, Virgil's dark eyes are watching him, he looks exhausted. The machine next to him beeps, there’s an IV in his arm. Virgil looks like a corpse, a living corpse. Roman can’t breathe.

But he does, he breathes because Virgil needs him as he presses a weak kiss to the younger’s hand “Hey there sleeping beauty,” A small smile peaks at Virgil’s lips then falls again as he stares tiredly at his lover. “You’re okay, you’re safe, I’m here, we’re all here,” Virgil looks over at the elder couple, who looked as exhausted as he himself feels.

‘Sorry,’ he signs loosely, but Patton shakes his head.

“Don’t be kiddo, we’re just glad you’re okay,” Somehow, he’s glad too.

It takes a couple days of psych assessments and fluids before Virgil is discharged, he looks like he barely remembers how to walk, stumbling beside Roman, who is supporting him. Logan drives them all back home and helps Virgil upstairs into bed, where the other finally feels he can get a good sleep.

He wakes up at 8PM, too the smell of Patton’s cooking and the sound of music playing. His arm is sore from all the needles that have been in and out of his arm, but he’s enough energy for some real food. Patton smiles at him when he comes downstairs, fussing over him in a way that really, only a parent could with a child. He doesn’t call either of them dad, but he knows they know that they’re the closest thing he’s got.

Which is probably why it had terrified them so much.

Logan smiles at him and offers him a warm hug, rubbing the other’s back. He’s never seen Logan cry before, but his eyes are watering right now. “I feel like I failed you,” The elder admits “That I was supposed to protect you and now...” Virgil shakes his head. He writes with shaky, unpractised hands.

‘it’s not your fault, you’ve not failed me, you saved my life, Logan,’

It’s true, he had, both he and Patton had spiritually saved him, brought him into their home, gave him a life he didn’t even realize he’d deserved. But Logan had stopped the bleeding, stitched him up and made sure he kept breathing whilst the ambulance had been on its way. He’d literally saved his life.

And Roman, Roman had given him the realization that he’d deserved to be saved, and that he could save himself. Sitting in that hospital room, the other man had told him stories about his life, taught him what it meant to be alive and had kissed him so gently his heart felt like it might come back to life from the coldness it had been feeling.

He knew now, with the three of them, when he’d been standing on the edge and ready to fall, he hadn’t wanted to die for a moment. He’d wanted to tell Logan it was okay, tell Patton that he was doing so well, tell Roman that he adored him.

There was a line called depression in his mind, most days he stood on the line and that was okay, some days he stepped back from it, and it was wonderful. Some days he fell over the line into a darker area, like the day he’d made the decision to take his own life. But this day, these days, these were the days that should be worth living, these are the days that on the grey days, he should tell himself will come. Surrounded with the people he loved and that were willing to support him.

He knows he can’t do this by himself yet, that he needs their help for now, but he has to also let them help too. Virgil remembers that feeling, standing on the edge and wanting to turn back. He’d known then that death was not what he wanted, not yet anyway, he didn’t know what he wanted either, but he stored that memory for the next time.

In a couple of weeks things fell back together, although the others were still rather jumpy, they stopped the overbearing and consistent asking the other if he was okay every five minutes. For this, he was thankful. He and Roman decided they needed to get away for a bit, and despite missing them, Logan and Patton were rather happy to have the house to themselves for a bit.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Roman called over his shoulder.

“That doesn’t lower the bar Ro,” Logan had retorted with a snort, hugging Virgil and Roman as they made their way into the airport. Patton’s arm goes around Logan’s waist and he presses a kiss to the other’s cheek. “Are you worried? I’m worried, I feel like an old man,” The younger of the two mutters too his partner.

“You are an old man,” Patton laughs lightly, tugging Logan’s hand. “This is the first time Roman’s really been away from home it makes sense...”

“It’s not really Roman I’m worried about,” He admits “Roman’s not...he’s not the sort of person I need to be worried about, I worry that he’s going somewhere new like any...adoptive father would,” Patton smiles, squeezing the other’s hand “But it’s so soon after Virgil’s...”

“Do you trust them?” Logan nods “Then trust that they will look after each other, and they will be okay, it’s only a week Lo,”

Virgil and Roman made it back safe.

Roman got a tan, Virgil got a sunburn. And they all got their happy ever after, in a way.

((This took me three hours to write, I feel like I’m going to c r y))

Taglist:

@analogical-mess // @unikornavenger // @mycatshuman // @creativity-killed-thekitten //@theresneverenoughfandoms//@charmingprincey//@aclickonapostwillchangeyourlife//@heck-im-lost //@k9cat//@stilljittery//@romansleftshoulderpad //@sanderssideslibrary //@max-is-tired//@therealmoshar//@punsterterry//@trashypansexual //@miserykillme // @demigodnamedathena

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diveronarpg · 5 years

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Congratulations, LINA! You’ve been accepted for the role of TROILUS with an FC change to Henry Golding. Admin Rosey: I am absolutely HOWLING. So, when I was writing Troilus, I was having an amazing time -- he’s so nuanced and seemingly superficial, but there are so many detailed facets that contribute to his happy-go-lucky attitude. He’s so utterly disarming and charming that, from the interview alone, I couldn’t help but swoon over him. Your development for him promises so much, from the sought-after revelation of Celeste’s infidelity to turning him into a hollow and hungry creature. I’m absolutely over the moon to be putting my precious boy into your hands, Lina. By all means, ruin us all. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | Lina. Age | 26 Preferred Pronouns | She/her Activity Level | 5 – Med school honestly wipes the floor with me most days, so I can’t promise daily activity but as I’ve said before, I promise consistency and communication. I’ll request a hiatus if needed, and I won’t disappear or drop-out without warning. Timezone | Finally back in EST (UTC-5:00) Current/Past RP Accounts | —

In Character

Character | Tomas Sabello -> Could I request an FC switch to ether Henry Golding or Godfrey Gao? I love Bob Morley to pieces but I’ve used him as an FC for long enough that I really struggle to dissociate him from the role I played. I think Henry fits Tomas’ gentle disposition best, but Godfrey has more versatility in terms of acting roles/expression which seems more in line with the mood in Verona and what he may eventually become… I dunno! I’ll leave it to you guys to choose the preferred alternate FC in the event that I do get accepted. I’d be happy working with either one.

What drew you to this character? | I really liked how opposite he is to Viv, honestly. He’s so enamored with emotion, and despite the fact that he’s an actor by trade, he’s an open book when it comes to anything that inspires feeling within him. I think Tomas loves the idea of love to such an extreme that there’s no thought to guarding himself from it. No amount of pride could keep him from offering his heart up, not even the threat of rejection. He takes and he takes, but he also gives to the people around him, indiscriminately; even to the most insignificant of passersby who’ve touched his life or inspired his creativity in some brief, ephemeral way. While Viv absorbs and safeguards whatever light she finds, Tomas reflects it freely back into the universe, and I really like that dichotomy.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character?

*∆* - Ignorance isn’t bliss, it’s oblivion: I’ll keep this point short and sweet; I want Tomas to find out about Celeste’s infidelity and for his heart to get absolutely shattered in the process. It could be sooner, later or whenever, but I think we’re all holding our breaths for that to happen in the story, and I’d love the opportunity to portray that.

*∆* - To fight one’s nature is a losing battle: This is a plot contingent on the arc of his relationship with Celeste and details pertaining to their marriage (how long it takes for him to find out she’s cheating on him, what they do with that information, if they divorce, etc.). But essentially, I’d like to show Tomas’ struggle with his own fidelity because in his bio, he strikes me as the sort of character that doesn’t settle on one lover easily. And he loves Celeste with every inch of his being and right now that’s what’s keeping him faithful, but I think that even if her infidelity isn’t revealed, eventually Tomas will start to feel the strain. He’ll notice the little signs along the way that hint that she doesn’t quite love him the way he loves her. I think those would put cracks in the marriage even if Isabella wasn’t in the picture. I’d like to explore those, and how little micro-tensions crop up in chronic relationships when one partner feels like they’re pulling all the weight. I want to dig into that and cast the lens on a quietly troubled relationship, and I want to see how far it pushes Tomas in response. Does he grow colder? Does he seek intimacy elsewhere? Does he fall into the same temptation and cheat on Celeste, whether physically or emotionally? Let’s find out!

*∆* - Any way the wind blows: I’ve always imagined Tomas to be the unsettled sort, in all senses of the word. His loves have always been transient and fleeting, his decisions (both in leaving Rome and marrying Celeste) seem rash and impulsive… I think capriciousness is a trait of his that extends to all facets of his life. So one headcanon I have for him is that now that he’s on sabbatical from acting, he’d want to try his hand at something new. Activities or careers that he gets excited by every few weeks and actively chases until something changes and then he drops the ball and moves on, certain he’ll find his luck elsewhere. I think it’d be interesting to see him get into all sorts of mix-ups while catering to this instinct, and maybe unintentionally making himself a nuisance to other characters in their line of work in the rp. Just this over-excited dude picking up positions and then dropping them as if life’s his own picnic… It’s definitely going to rub some people the wrong way and I’m here to see it happen!

*∆* - The hardest of hearts: … I’m intrigued by Tomas’ deep resentment of Roman Montague. His bio implies that it’s his acting experience which primes him to look at Romeo as if he’s also an actor, playing a part he doesn’t deserve. But I think it goes deeper than that. I think canonically, even, Tomas’ character seems to have a lot in common with Romeo from Shakespeare’s original, or at least, the earliest version of Romeo that we see. Lovelorn and lackadaisical, an innate predisposition for goodness, and yet undoubtedly leaving lovers a little carelessly in his pursuit of love, etc. So the way I see it, beyond his judgment of Roman as being unfit to rule, I think Tomas doesn’t like him bc he sees in Roman all of the same flaws he recognizes subconsciously in himself. It’s always easier to see our flaws through a mirror. I’m interested in seeing how far Tomas would go to spite Roman in order to avoid having to confront himself. The fact that Celeste is still tied to the Montagues would also be a continuous dilemma for Tomas, who dislikes both mobs. Depending on what plots come up, I might even entertain the thought of getting Tomas tied up in Capulet business, with the singular goal of bringing down Roman Montague.

*∆* - … Destroys itself in the end: In his bio, it’s alluded that Tomas took from both his parents when it came to his nature. He loved as frequently and as persistently as his mother, but destroyed those in his wake as surely as his father; leaving his path littered with broken hearts. I want to see that side of Tomas again. Except this time, instead of it being an accident of youth and of too much ignorance, I want it to be intentional. I feel like heart-break would leave him hollow and hungry, and I want to experience that side of him. I think his capacity for hurt is almost equally potent to his capacity for love, and that’s what makes him such a compelling character in my eyes.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Through a well-developed plot, yes.

In Depth

These interview chairs are always so stiff that Tomas has to wonder whether it’s intentional. Maybe it’s to keep him from falling asleep, but he’d never do that. He likes giving interviews for the most part. Of course, it was easier in his early twenties; when he had very little in the ways of a filter but was blessed with the circumstances in life that permitted him to get away with it. Oh, and an adoring audience. That always helped of course. These days, as a married man in a new city, he has to be more careful with his tongue.

That doesn’t make him any more careful with his smiles, however. And right now he’s aiming one of his most brilliant at the interviewer who’s already started asking him questions. They’re three minutes in, but she hasn’t returned any of his good cheer so far, and that’s uncommon. He’s remembered all his pleasantries, he’s been considerate enough in opening doors and waiting to be seated - but still, nary a smile. He doesn’t mind too much, but it makes his job so much more enjoyable when they do. And as a result, Isabella Gagliano is both a damper and a challenge. But before Tomas can engage her into lowering her defenses, she’s presented him with the next in a series of fan-chosen questions.

“What is your favorite place in Verona?”

”The Two Gentlemen. Certainly the best bottle of pinot grigio that I’ve ever had.” Tomas tells her, lips pressing together as sweetly as the juice from those sticky wine grapes. “You wouldn’t be remiss either if you tried the risotto al tastasal. That’s a real recommendation, you know?” He stage-whispers with a grin, “Off-the record.” But if Isabella takes note, he can’t tell.

The truth is, it’s a lie. A white lie, he consoles himself, because sometimes, the truth is too heavy a price to pay. The truth is that his favourite place in all of Verona is the recently abandoned Multisala Rivoli. It’s a cliche, he knows, an actor finding his second-home inside of a rundown movie-theatre. But it isn’t for the movies that he goes, nor out of any misplaced vainglory. Rather, it’s the promise of nondescript privacy that draws him like a bee to to honey. There, he can meet his new friends beyond the prying eyes of the media. There, he has a clandestine spot to escape the humdrum of the city for a few hours, alone with his thoughts. But it’s not a truth he’s ready to share, and moreover, the Montagues will like this answer better. It’s a nod to their territory; a little more promotion for their best-boasted restaurant. He refuses to join them, he refuses to share in their cause, but maybe sliding in such harmless tips will convince them to lay off of Celeste’s case and stop pressuring her to pressure him to join. Truth and politics don’t mix. Every time a video begins recording, Tomas is well aware of that. But above all, an actor must always remember his part.

“What does your typical day look like?”

“What, like a twenty-four hour play-by-play?” He asks playfully. “No one’s that interesting,signorina, I promise. I remember I was asked a similar question in an interview two or three years ago. I think it was for Sorrisi e Canzoni? Or maybe GQ…. Either way, it was a much more exciting answer back then. Plays, parties, private jets… ” Tomas reminisces fondly, but not fond enough to want to trade it in for his present. “I hate to disappoint, but it’s not the same anymore. I’m a married man on sabbatical now, remember??” He says, directing the question towards the camera before letting his gaze find Isabella once more. His life is quieter now, but happier too. “Not that it’s boring by any stretch. I’d recommend marriage, actually. I know it’s done wonders for me! But if I start talking about her and all the ways she’s changed my routine everyone will be rolling their eyes and complaining about cavities before this interview’s over.” Tomas chuckles, thinking of the myriad of ways his daily life has become synonymous with Celeste. What time she wakes, what time she leaves, when she comes home or when he gets to persuade her out of the house on little dates… He has a life outside of Celeste to be sure, but it’s only around her that he’s really reminded of what he’s working towards. Like Eros and Psyche, he thinks. He loves, but she sets fire to his love and gives it true sustenance. A future, a family, a very happy ending - That’s all he wants these days.

“What has been your biggest mistake thus far?”

He laughs at that, taken aback by the girl’s directness. “Is that really what it says on your sheet??” He cocks a brow, leaning forward as if to sneak a peek. “Damn… That’s harsh.” Sometimes, his fans seem like tiny mosquitoes; hungry for every teeny-tiny drop of his blood as they submit questions as invasive as these. “I have to think about that one…” Tomas admits with a bemused shake of his head. “I try not to think of my experiences as mistakes. Even the ones that might feel like it initially. Everything happens for a reason, doesn’t it? Don’t you believe that?” He looks to his interviewer as though hoping to coax another answer out of her, but she doesn’t indulge him. He’s always preferred dialogue to monologue, despite his choice of career. It takes an exchange of ideas to see the world through new lenses, and he can’t do that while talking continuously about himself. But another pensive, stolen glance at Isabella tells him that she probably won’t care what his answer is, so long as he gives one. He could make it up right here on the spot - something like ‘I’ve started a third gang in Verona to spite the Mobs‘ or ‘I kicked a dog once’, and she probably wouldn’t bat an eyelash. He wonders why. He wonders why she’s so determinedly expressionless.

“Do you play Poker?” Tomas asks without warning. He hadn’t meant for that to come out of his mouth but somehow it does and it takes another laugh and a wave of his hand to dismiss it. “Sorry. But you could! It’s impressive actually - in a good way. To answer your question, I think I’ll have to keep this one to myself.” It’s apologetic but firm, because his biggest mistake is failing his parents. Of all the roles he’s played thus far, that of ‘son’ has always left him most wanting. He couldn’t fix their marriage. He couldn’t inspire their divorce… To this day, his adulterous mother and destructive, ill-tempered father remain tethered to each other. Two rusting anchors, weighing themselves down to the bottom of the sea-bed… Most days, Tomas tries hard not to think about it. But there are some moments, moments when he’s feeling low, that he wonders if he’s responsible for their unhappiness; wonders if he couldn’t have done more to help them find happiness, along the way. Today is one of the predetermined no-thinkdays though. The days he’s giving interviews always are. “Sorry about that… Got anything else on your nifty list?” He prompts her, hoping to move on to a happier topic.

“What has been the most difficult task asked of you?”

This question too, gives him pause. More than he’d like. There’s the shadow of fleeting suspicion as he steals a glance at Isabella, wondering if they’re posing these questions on purpose to throw him off. But what cause would a reporter have to do that? You’re being silly,he chides himself, mulling over the question. Again, he knows the real answer.

Commitment.

It isn’t easy to choose a single person in this life, Tomas thinks. To narrow his expansive romantic inclinations and promise them to one individual and one individual only. But it’s a choice he reminds himself of every morning when he wakes up, when he cracks an eye open only for his gaze to fall on the familiar comfort of Celeste’s blazing red hair, like a halo around her cherubic face. It’s a choice he must remember when he’s comparing paintings with Juliana and hears the clear-bell tone of her laughter echo in the museum. A choice he must remember when his fingers find the soft, unwritten skin beneath Santino’s wrist as they look for stars in a midnight sky. A choice he recalls even as he listens to Paola recount the tales he’s missed in her life; eyes dancing with ferocious passion and he thinks what if, what if…

… But it’s a struggle he dares not reveal. It would insult his beloved wife, it would make a mockery of the vows they took in front of that altar, all those months ago. Worse still, it would surely garner derision from the audience, especially from his most die-hard fans; some of who still count on the failure of his marriage in order to regain the bachelor fantasy they’d attached to their idol. But idols were effigies of gold and silver. He was not an idol, he was a man of flesh and blood and feeling. Do you understand?… You will never understand me like she has, he wants to rebuke them. But there’s an old fondness that he can’t help when it comes to those who loved him first. And so his countenance softens as he answers the reporter’s question. “The most difficult task for me, has been leaving behind all my loved ones in Rome. My friends, my family, my fans…” He presses his fingertips to his lips for a moment before waving them towards the camera, sending the kiss to those who’ll hope for it most, when the interview airs tomorrow night. “I send my love, and I’m humbled by your continued support.”

“What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?”

“It’s-… It’s insanity.“

Now the Montagues won’t like that. But he feels the answer so strongly, and with so much conviction that he thinks the glassy brightness in his eyes would betray him anyway. Some lies are too big to swallow, even for an actor. “Brutal and unnecessary - do they even remember what they’re fighting for?” He asks Isabella, though he thinks she’s probably no closer to answering that than the other Veronesi. “You know, the stories say that it’s been so many decades now that no one knows any more… Isn’t that silly? To fight over something that you can’t even remember?” But deep down, Tomas knows it’s not that simple. Because mobs don’t need an impetus; not when there’s so much profit to be made in criminality. All the rest is just stories, to play on the sympathies of a winsome public. He should know… He played on that same, guileless sympathy, night after night after night on a front-lit stage. But art is one thing, war is another. And Celeste is tied up in this war, much as he hates to think about it.

“Maybe I’ll go back to Rome one of these days,” Tomas announces abruptly, shifting upright in his chair. There’s an ardent gleam in his eyes because he likes thinking in maybes. They’re so much more satisfying than the limitations of what is or isn’t strictly possible. “I’d like to take my wife with me. She’s never been… Can you believe it?? Never been to Rome… We could start there, then maybe a tour of Europe. Maybe a second honeymoon. I’m sure she’d like that.” He doesn’t know if that’s true, he doesn’t know if he can ever return to Rome, but it has a romantic ring to it nonetheless. And when has Troilus ever been able to deny the sweet-nothing whispers of romance, even as a city tears itself apart around him?….

Never, he thinks… Not even then.

——————————————-

(Thank you for Reading!!)

#accepted #accepted: troilus

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