#like for MONTHS i was CONVINCED (FOR GOOD REASON TOO) that she was bi

[dreamertrilogys]

i did NOT just come out to my sister as bi for her to tell me she’s straight 😭😭

#THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME HELP #like for MONTHS i was CONVINCED (FOR GOOD REASON TOO) that she was bi #.txt #i need a tag for my sister

[rboooks]

The bakery is a front....right? PART 4

Dedicated to @foxy-tea. Thank you for your lovely words!

Danny didn't want to do it, but he had to admit that his mating season peak had arrived and could not work in that condition. It wasn't that Danny was like a cat in heat, wanting to engage in intercourse all the time.

No, his body craved a life partner and a child to smother in fierce paternal love. It was a bit worse if you asked him. If he just manwhore his way through the city over three months, well, they would just whisper about how easy he was.

A bit embarrassing but not uncommon for someone with Danny's good looks.

Instead, his mating season made him a would-be kidnapper.

He had to physically slam a hot pot of coffee on his hand a week ago when a customer had walked in with a baby, and Phantom had tried to leap over the counter to take the babbling bundle of joy as his own.

Not to mention how Phantom reacted to some of his youngest delivery employees. He hadn't realized he was mumbling "Mine. mine. mine. mine. mine" while approaching Manolo for his latest delivery until Peter had stepped into his path with the dirtiest glare Danny had ever seen.

The punch to his throat hadn't knocked the wind out of him- since Phantom had stopped his breathing three days prior - but it was enough to get Danny out of the daydreams of tucking Manolo into bed after a cup of tea and a bedtime story.

We could teach him to bake. We can teach him to ride a bike. We can sit through all his school performances, no matter how bad they are. We could be his dad. Phantom had cried as Manolo had thrown himself between Peter and Danny, his little arms spread wide to protect him. Let me have the child! Manolo is mine! He's mine to love, mine to protect!

Danny had never had such trouble getting Phantom to settle.

In seconds, Peter was quickly surrounded by Andres' friends and the rest of Danny's staff. He had taken a fighter position, looking around like an animal about to maul its victims while Danny wrestled with himself to get control.

He and Phantom are not two separate personalities fighting for control but one person with conflicting instincts.

One of a human's most basic instincts is self-preservation. A ghost's most basic instinct is self-fulfillment.

Danny did not want things to become a free-for-all where someone could get hurt. Phantom tried to fight them all to claim the kids under his protection.

Thankfully, everything was deescalated by Jazz's timely arrival. Danny couldn't really remember what she had done (too busy struggling to hold himself as a human and not go ghost to become the most excellent dad to ever dad). Still, if there was one gift Jazz had, it was being able to reason with spirits about their obsessions.

If she could convince beings whose entire existence depended on being stubborn about a particular subject, she could persuade humans of anything.

Peter had been allowed to leave with no injuries, and even two days paid off, while the rest had realized that the man had just acted out of PTSD due to what Jazz called "projecting trauma in safe settings."

There were a lot of people in this area that understood what PTSD episodes did to them and had not faulted Petter. Manolo even gave Peter a small crocheted fox to help him overcome the fear.

(Danny had given the small fox plushy to Manolo when the kid first arrived at his bakery, proclaiming it had a protective spell to keep fear away. He had yet to be aware the boy carried around with him.)

Jazz had then taken Danny to his apartment, where she had placed him in quarantine. She had been informed by Frost Bite during their bi-weekly mentor/protegee meetings- Jazz was studying under the Yeti in Ghost Psychology- that Danny's Peak had arrived. Danny would jack up his "I need to be a dad" and "I need to be a husband" urges to Fruitloop levels.

Danny would try to force someone into that role if he was around humans or ghosts, even if it was against their will. Ugh, he would be a Vlad 2.0 for a full two weeks!

He could not risk himself around others. So with a heavy heart, he informed his employees he would be stepping away for a two-week long vacation and had made it seem like he left on a plane to visit Jazz overseas.

His staff would take care of the bakery for him, but it saddened Danny he could not be there to help with things. He then sealed off all entries to his apartment and informed the residents of the Ghost zone he was in, "Mating Peak retreat," so no one would bother him past a few already mated servants of the Ghost King.

They would bring him supplies and requests through a no-contact portal once he ordered them through a magical catalog. It was like online shopping for ghosts.

Danny now had to wait two weeks for this to finally go away, and he could go about his ordinary daily life of being perfectly dead and alive. Until it happened again the following year.

Elli told him to be grateful it was only a yearly thing, not a monthly deal. He shuddered at the mere thought of experiencing this every month.

Done! Phantom cheers snapping Danny back to reality. In his hands are a pair of freshly crocheted booties. He hadn't even been aware he was making them.

They look great, Danny tells Phantom, turning them in his hands to smile at the giant sunflowers on each side. A button was used as the center of the flowers, and Phantom even included a few lace designs around them to look like leaf vines.

They are based on the park's flowers.

The park?

Yes, the park where you promised to take me today! Phantom goes from calmly talking to screaming, and Danny winces.

You know I can't go outside. You'll just try to steal a child from the park.

I would never forget to also steal a wife or husband!

Danny sighs, rubbing his face knowing he was telling himself that forgetting a spouse was worse than the idea of kidnapping people. He places the booties on top of an ever-growing pile. Since his quarantine has begun, Danny has made about two hundred pairs of various styles, sizes, and colors.

Danny looks around at the piles and piles of other of his crocheting projects. He's got sweaters, scarves, gloves, socks, hats, beanies, and even blazers for various genders, ages, and styles meant to help with the coldest winter. He could adequately dress his whole street and still have some left over.

All prepared for his nonexisting family.

He has been making them at the same speed he can fly, i.e., 200 mph. He's made some yarn dealers in the zone extremely wealthy. He can't help it, though. Danny has frozen every inch of his apartment too far too cold levels for an average human without proper wear.

He's been working fast because his human mind knew that the cold was terrible for his lover and children, so it wanted to keep them nice and warm. While his ghost side added layers of snow to the floor and ice to the walls, he even made decorative ice sculptures that he desperately reorganized again and again to find the perfect balance of the cold. Only his electronics were not frozen over, so even his furniture had layers of ice- some with designs to make them look fancier.

He's also cooked up a storm in preparation for feeding his family. Only to realize a spouse and kids were not coming, thus forcing him to donate his meals to the ghost delivery people. They were ever so happy to have five-course meals shoved at them just for bringing the king more yarn.

Danny throws himself face-first into the pile of snow from his couch, allowing the softness to cushion his fall. There is a terrible itch under the skin. It's begging him to leave to find someone to kiss and worship. Unwillingly, Alvin's face appears in his mind before he turns over and stares at his ceiling. He's made all the constellations into small carvings on the ice. I can't go outside. I can watch another movie or make more bagels instead.

Watching another romance movie won't bring me a mate! Phantom hisses.

I know but-

Suddenly Danny senses flair as someone crosses over his wards. Sitting up in alarm, Danny makes a break for his room as even more people join the first and break into his guest room through a window. Not that he can't take whoever they are, but if he comes face to face with them-well, Danny thinks he may keep them.

That's not something he's willing to risk.

Phantom is already throwing out some severe pheromones that would likely infatuate them to Danny, babbling about this being their chance. Four adults- spouses!- and a child- a son or daughter!- have entered their main haunt. They had to give them food and warm clothes and cuddle them until they never left!

No!

He can't force them to stay!

He had to make them stay even if it meant chaining them!

No, they would be miserable!

Phantom could make them happy forever!

The effort to stay in his human control took so much effort Danny started to aggressively twitch as he fumbled with the hidden room in the back of an old wardrobe. He's breathing heavily, trying to get his blurry vision to focus so he can open the darn thing and get in. Finally, it does, and Danny just barely closes it when a figure bursts through the door.

He watches through a small crack as the figure carefully looks over his frozen domain. It's one of the vigilantes. Red Robin.

What is he doing here?

The man walks into his room, leaving behind disruptive snow that goes up his ankles.

Thank the Ancients, his footprints do not appear in his own snow. Otherwise, a perfect trail would lead the hero straight to him. Instead, he watches with a hand over his mouth as Red Robin carefully searches his room.

Danny cuts off his need to breathe as the sound would give him away. Still, he's twitching so much that he's practically shaking as the hero carefully breaks the ice over his drawers and pulls out his clothes in quick, careful movements.

Go away. Go away. Go away. Danny thinks desperately. He should have tried calling someone. Jazz. Ellie. Even his parents or Vlad!

None of them would cause his instincts to want to force them to play house- though he would likely still try to imprison them since he would like to protect them non the less.

But they could at least do something and get the poor vigilante somewhere safe!

Never leave. Never leave. Never leave. Phantom purrs, and oh no, an intense burst of pheromones is sent through the room. Red Robin freezes; from what little Danny can see of his face, it's flushed red, and gosh, he wants to smother that man in so much love-

"Guys, I think I came in contact with the drug," Red Robin pants after pressing his hand to his ear. "I don't know how, but I am definitely feeling something. Think it's airborne, but not sure."

He doesn't finish his sentence before Redhood and Nightwing are suddenly in his room. Nightwing has a gas mask over his face while Red Hood swings a gun around the room, looking for a target.

Danny almost whines at the gentle way Nightwing helps Red Robin into a sitting position. He's looking him over with such loving protection that he- that Danny- Phantom wants him- wants a husband-!

"Shit," Red Hood hisses, body pushing back as if some strong wind had hit him. "Yeah, it's definitely in this room. Felt a bit of it, even with my built-in filters. Wing?"

"Did the room get colder?" Nightwing asks as he helps Red Robbin to his feet. The other man seems to be feeling better with his gas mask, but he must still be effect by Phantom's pheromones.

"The wardrobe." Red Robin gasps, pointing unknowingly right at Danny. "The ice around it is getting bigger. And...it's leaking."

What? Danny looks down only to see in horror a knocked-over jar of fresh ectoplasm. He hadn't even been aware he had broken the thing when he crawled here.

The jars were the ones that he gathered with Jazz and Ellie after a three-day foraging trip. All ghosts were made of Ecoplasim, but just like you couldn't stick blood into someone without being comparable, you couldn't use any random ectoplasm for other people- humans or ghosts.

It had to be some of the purest natural kind, not linked to any type of beings, like a river of ectoplasm or the frozen pillars in the farthest parts of the Far Frozen. Giving someone ectoplasm from one's body could taint them in the donator's obsession.

Yes, Danny could make more people protective of each other, but it would likely cause them to be Fruitloop-level protective. They just didn't have the filter like he did to not go mad.

That pure kind was now leaking out of his hiding place and into the white snow of his main lair.

Danny only has a second to panic before the door is wrenched open, and he falls into a stunned Red Robin.

He goes limp from the shock as Phantom purrs, settling in his mind now that he's pressed against a possible mate. Like Danny said, it's not intercourse his ghost side is after, it's close contact, and this is enough to satisfy it.

"Shit, it's Danny. He-he's not breathing, and he's ice cold. I think he's de-dead." Red Robin says in what sounds like tears.

No. My husband is sad. Danny and Phantom think, a terrible pulse of pain bursting across his chest. He can't get his body to move to offer comfort, though. It's been a whole week since he last saw someone in person, and this is so nice. Why did he ever fight this instinct? It felt so good to give in.

He could stay in Red Robin's arms forever.

Red Robin was never going to see the clear sky again. He was never leaving this apartment.

"I found something," Red Hood's voice is behind him. "It looks like it is Lazarus' water, but it's clearer. I think this is our drug. Danny must have ODed."

"No! He can't- we have to do something!" Red Robin cries, and Danny slumps further against him like a broken doll. He's not blinking. Blinking is for humans. Danny isn't a human.

His unfocused eyes stare at wherever Red Robin has him positioned to look.

"There is nothing we can do, Red Robin," A new voice says though not unkindly. Phantom doesn't turn his head but can see Batman walk up behind Red Robin, wearing his gas mask. He places his hand on the trembling vigilante. "You need to put him down."

"No!" Phantom purs as the arms around his shoulders bring them closer to his husband's body.

"It's too late for him, Drake. We can only honor his death."

That....that was a voice of a child. A child is in his main haunt.

Phantom wails in joy.

He gets out of his husband's arms, leaping over Batman, and his arms are around a boy in red, green, and yellow. Phantom smothers his face against the hood covering the boy's head, and short sobs rank his body. "My baby! You're my baby!"

"Unhand me!" His little grunts slamming a knife into Phantom's side, but that doesn't matter because Phantom has his son and his husband in his nest.

A bullet harmlessly passes through his forehead after a loud bang, creating a hole in Phantom's wall. He'll take care of that after he smothers his baby in cuddles.

Nightwing swings a baton at Phantom, but that, too, passes through his body without harm.

"Shit! Danny put him down!"

Huh, was that Sam?

"Danny, I mean it. Drop him!"

Oh, Tucker too!

"Daniel Fenton, you let that boy go right now!" Jazz sounded upset. Maybe she should hold his baby. "Are you listening to me?"

"Danny is not here right now." He hears his body say.

"Ohhhhh. That's not good. Okay, Danny time for a nap!" Ellie flies into his face, her hand glowing green and he has a moment to gasp at the betrayal before she blasts him.

He drops, knowing no more.

(Part 1), (Part 2), (Part 3), (Part 5)

#dc x dp crossover #the bakery is a front!...right? #Part 4 #Danny's mating stage reaches it's peak #Phantom and Danny's perfect balance was disrupted. #Team Phantom got a notification that someone broke the wards #Danny is nesting #The bats shouldn't have broken in #Hope you like!

[spopsalt]

Hi!!

This will be a bit more of a personal rant / ramble about spop if that's okay!

So like I was around 11 when the first season of spop came out. My sister followed Nate and was very excited for the project so we watched it, and we both really liked it!!

So each time every season came out we watched it and came up with fan theories and all that jazz! Keep in mind, we never really rewatched seasons in between. So we watched season 2, waited around half year and then watch season 3 when it came out. So we never watched season 2 again in between those months. This makes it that you forget some things, but that was alright.

I think this is the way the show is meant to be watched. It was enjoyable, we came up with theories, we came up with ships, we bonded with the characters. Season 4 was my favourite season because of all the tension and drama!!

And then well, season 5 was a bit of a letdown, but yeah sure! That's fine, y'know. I am not a shipper at all, my sister is aware at this point that her ships are never really popular so she didn't have her hopes up (she ships glimmadora). She also followed Nate so she knew that he liked c//a and stuff.

Anyways, when the show was finished, people really started watching it because of the lgbt representation. This always felt weird to me? It didn't make sense? I didn't watch Spop with the idea in mind that c//a would become canon in the end. Which made the show a whole lot easier to watch.

I also felt like.. it wasn't really the point of the show at all? There was just a kiss at the end that was about the romance the show had gotten, I didn't get it (im aromantic asexual so maybe that's why).

I have a lesbian friend (they/she) for example, who watched the show for c//a. Which is fine, they really like it and they relate to c/tra, due to trauma and stuff. It's just that it felt so.. weird talking to them about the show. Because everything about the show kinda felt like it was about c//a for them? Just like how you anti-spop blogs talk about how c//a shippers can make any scene about c//a. That's how it felt. Now I didn't really mind, but it felt odd to me.

Either way. At some point, me and my sister finally convinced my other sister to join our rewatch. Which was,, tough. Well, it was alright, in the sense that, I just focused on my favourite characters and (platonic) relationships. (Entrapta! Scorpia! Glimmer!! Adora!!! :D!!)

But the c//a kiss at the end made me physically cringe. (Literally)

I don't really have a point to make! I just believe that Spop isn't meant to be binge-watched? I feel like? I really really enjoyed my first watch, and I have very conflicted feelings about it (due to nostalgia too. dt being the first enban ive ever seen on tv?? mindblowing!!).

I like it. But also as an emotional abuse survivor, it also is just.. tough. All in all it's just, a bit, disappointing?

I guess that's it :) that's my ramble.

I'm not sure if anyone has any similar experiences, as pretty much everyone I know watched it after all seasons came out and it has risen in popularity.

Have a nice day!! Love ur blog

Awwwww thanks for your kind words, also it's ok, the ask buttons says "Rant with Me!" for that reason, I love hearing rants! But yeah, I personally was never that big of a fan, but it's good that you like it! But yeah the representation is definitely bad, the only bisexual character get in m x f ships, which is fine, ofc bisexual people don't have to date only people of the same gender, but...they never show attraction towards other people of the same gender?! The only bi characters get in m x f ships, one of them was extremely rushed, and one of them was creepy considering it looked like an adult dating a teen. Also the main couple is literally just a victim falling back into the cycle and kissing her sister who literally gave her trauma.

#anti spop #spop criticism #spop discourse #spop critical #spop crit #anti catra #anti catradora #spop salt #anti c//a #antic//a #anti glimbow #I mean not really “anti” #because it's not toxic #but it's so rushed #like Glimmer blushed at Bow once #and now they love each other?

[abcwordsurge]

so! I just finished with the 1st draft of my Houston / Miami / New Orleans story that I'm writing for @kaz-playz (yes I'm still working on it, even after all these months, it's long and I'm slow, sorry, but I promise I'll get it to you someday)

I usually only edit my stories before posting, but I want nothing but the best for Kaz, so I'll probably do a full rewrite of this one. in the meantime, allow me to share with you some hcs for the trio that I stumbled across while writing the first draft

Miami:

I've already talked about this, but just to establish a baseline, I hc Miami as pan, and using they/she pronouns

they're the biggest flirt ever, of course

they're light sensitive, and I think I've said this before, but just in case those in the back missed it: she wears her sunglasses (a gift from New Orleans) almost everywhere, and can't stand fluorescent lighting

they love the beach and cruises of course (cruise capital of the world, you know)

naturally quite pale, but you wouldn't know it- they're always tanned from so much time in the sun because she forgets sunscreen way too often :( (unless Nora and/or Houston are there to remind her)

she likes to go diving to explore the shipwrecks (but can't convince Nora to go with her)

shockingly, they're a Shakespeare fan. this isn't based on anything except, uh, plot convenience, and I like Shakespeare, so shut up /lh. (also she's a huge believer in "Shakespeare should be watched, not read")

Nora (New Orleans):

she/her, bi

literally the most gorgeous girl you will ever meet

not very flirty, but very kind, and there is often confusion regarding whether she's flirting or just, y'know, being a decent person

notably, has a realistic impression of how serious problems are (Miami has a tendency to be too mellow and not realize that something is a problem, while Houston is prone to dramatics- but not Nora, Nora's ~reasonable~)

not opposed to breaking the rules, and doesn't seem to respect authority figures very much (they're just people, after all, who are they to order her around?)

plays clarinet at a low-key jazz club, and is quite proud of it

very good at poker (Las Vegas is her frenemy)

she practices Vodouism (which, admittedly, I don't know too much about, so I'm hesitant to write a lot about it- I don't want to accidentally resort to stereotypes, y'know?- but it stands to reason that she would)

and finally, the star of the show, our girl!

Houston:

she/her, raging lesbian

very prideful and stubborn, and a lot of people find her attitude "disagreeable," but her confidence and passion is actually quite endearing

gets bored easily, especially during meetings, and starts drama for fun

she thinks she's socially awkward because she has a hard time figuring out what people want from her, but most people don't notice when she feels awkward

also has sensory issues, though she mostly combats hers with being very particular about the clothes she wears, and avoiding crowds

had a bit of a sheltered childhood (cough Texas cough) but part of her rebellious phase was learning more about other cultures and people with different experiences from hers

she's found her place in the LGBTQ+ community (as the L) and likes to throw it in Texas's face during arguments (even though he has technically "accepted" her, he isn't exactly thrilled about it, and she knows it)

admittedly, she doesn't know much about polyamorous relationships (at least, at the start of my story *wink wink*)

so that's what I've got for now. to hold y'all over till I finish up the real story. have a good day :3

#wttt #wttt headcanons #wttt miami #wttt new orleans #wttt houston #welcome to the table

[banannabethchase]

Your Baldabeth stories are SO FREAKING DELIGHTFUL! Whenever you want to share either a little ficlet, or ideas from it, I will gobble them up like a depressed turkey seeing beautiful food.

Here have some mild angst with your Baldabeth, followed by fluff.

I gotta compile these into one fic at some point goddamn.

~

Ali looks up at her with gigantic grey eyes and a pout that would shake a weaker woman. "But Mama," Ali says, blinking her eyelashes. Annabeth never thought she'd see something more devastating than Percy's seal eyes. Turns out baby seal eyes from her actual baby win every time. "I so good."

"You're amazing, sweetheart," Annabeth says, and she sits down on the floor, opening her arms. Ali tumbles her way into them. "It's - it's not you being good, kiddo, I promise." She pulls Ali close, sighing. "A baby brother or sister is, uh. Something that just sort of happens."

"Big sisser," Ali says, nodding sagely. "Ali big sisser."

"Soon," Annabeth says, and she hopes she's not promising something that can never happen. She's pretending it's not in her head, too, that she's not the reason this isn't happening. "Soon."

"No, now," Ali insists.

"I mean, not right now."

Ali nods. "I bi' sisser now." She grabs Annabeth's face and very seriously says, "Budder."

"Brother?"

Ali nods and squishes Annabeth's face to the point of her lips squashing together. It's not please. "Got a budder."

"Sure kiddo, now let go of Mama's face."

"Yeah, Mama."

~

So, two weeks later, when she's puking her guts up after dinner, Ali peeks in.

"Da-ee!" Ali yells. "Mama sick. Bleh bleh potty."

"Bleh bleh potty?" Percy asks, like those are words with meaning in any setting. "Well, then, I think Mama needs to pee on a stick."

"Stop looking so chipper, you monster," Annabeth says, reaching up for the towel he's holding out. She learned two years and nine months ago that there's no graceful way to mop herself up after this level of gross. "This is your fault. Probably." She pauses, familiar uncertainty welling up in her heart. "I mean. It might not be what - what we hope. I might just be sick."

Percy raises his eyebrow. "Sure. Because the last time you puked was when you were pregnant with shorty over here, and the time before that was when Clarisse hit you so hard in the stomach you burst your appendix. So."

"Mama, I say!" Ali says, dancing on chubby little toddler feet. "I say budder, yeah?"

"She did," Annabeth admits to Percy. "Two weeks ago, Ali was convinced I was pregnant and I was, like, withholding the information."

Percy pauses, then grins. "Oh. Well, uh. Remember around this time last month? The, uh." He wiggles his eyebrows. "Weapons shed."

Annabeth groans. "Oh, gods."

#Also thank you for this message it's so sweet #After seeing the trainwreck that was the sun and the star I am #I am not pleased about CHalice of the Gods #Rick leave my babies alone I clearly understand them better than you now which is SAD #in which Sara writes #Percabeth #c: strength beauty power wisdom love #c: plans are for people without snarky quips #PJO #HoO #emetophobia cw #baldabeth

[will80sbyers]

I saw that ask about the monologue and I hope you're not tired of talking about this. I feel like I don't know what to think about it and the details of it anymore because I've seen so many different takes.

Mike didn't understand that Will was talking about himself (which is what I believe). But if he's supposedly in love with Will why was he all happy to hear about "El's" feelings and smiled like that?

Or he did understand what Will was saying and then thought Will pushed him away by telling him to confess to El in SBP?

Also, is Mike aware he's in love with Will? Because if he's aware that means he consciously lied to El about his romantic feelings in the monologue. If he meant it platonically, is El aware of that?

If he's not aware, why did he smile at Will like that in the van? And why did he reject his hug at the airport?

If he bought Will's lies and felt reassured about his relationship, why did he hesitate for a second before saying ILY?

If he didn't buy Will's lies and wanted to break up with El before the monologue, does that mean he knowling lied to her by making it at least seem romantic?

I'm sure there's more, I just don't know how to piece it all together anymore 😫 Can you help? I believe in bi Mike btw.

Hello there! This is going to be a long one lmao I think I have already explained all that I think about the new season in my bi mike power point, but here's a recap:

Mike in season 4 has just started to understand that he feels in a different way towards Will, he likes him and this is making him panic a little because he's a boy, and he's confused because he does like El too, so he doesn't get what the hell is happening to him or why he feels so weird when he's with Will, he does not entirely understand his own feelings yet, he still thinks that what he feels for Will must be platonic (or at least he's trying to convince himself of this) but he feels jealousy towards him, he missed him more than anyone else, even El and he feels himself only when they are together, he wants Will in his life and at the same time he was having doubts about his own relationship with El because it's being more and more difficult to keep up the act with her, he feels inferior to El, so he tries to be more cool because he's scared that she will leave him… this doesn't make him feel good about himself, and he was having problems about saying the I love you to her because of a few reasons, he doesn't exactly know why yet - he was reflecting on it himself during the whole road trip with Will - that's why he says to him that he didn't know what to say to El, he didn't know exactly why it was so difficult for him to say it… the reasons are:

1 ) he was not feeling sure of feeling that and didn't want to lie to her

2 ) he subconsciously knows he has feelings for Will and that blocks him from fully committing to El

3 ) he felt that saying the I love you would have made him and El closer and that means that if El leaves him after that then the fact that he was vulnerable with her meant that it would hurt so much more ( this is what Mike himself tells her )

so Mike arrives in Lenora and he tries to be the perfect boyfriend for her even if it doesn't feel right, he is putting up an act and trying to be cool for El and be fun and not a nerd, he is at the same time feeling jealous about Will and scared that Will doesn't want him in his life anymore, his mind is split between them and that makes him act irrational and makes him accuse Will of not telling him about El having problems when she lies to him because in reality he is angry at Will for not reaching out more to him.

anyway… the whole bully thing happens and Mike starts to feel a bit betrayed by El because she lied to him for months, but he still likes her and wants to resolve their problems and keep that relationship even if it's not working out… so Mike makes some dumb comments at dinner but the morning after he feels like shit about it and he wants to resolve things with El… he goes in her room to talk and they have the fight

Mike acts defensive the moment El talks about how he can't say the I love you to her because he doesn't want her to know the true reasons because if she knew she would break up with him and he doesn't want that. He still loves her (platonically) and idealizes her in his mind. He does believe she is amazing and all of that, but he doesn't see her as El, he sees her as his super girlfriend… that's not true love but he doesn't get that yet!!!

El understands that he's not in love with her during their fight, so she decides to leave him behind and go to take her powers back and leaves a note for him that was basically a half break up note

Mike now is panicking because he's worried she's going to dump him again… he now thinks he should have just said the I love you to her even if he was not sure.

Will helps him calm down and makes him remember that when they see each other again they can fix things… but the more Mike talks with Will the less he's sure that he actually wants to fix things with her… he doesn't feel like they are meant to be, him and El… he doesn't feel like El understands him.

Will gives him something else to think about when he says that they have to go back to Hawkins and save their friends, he prepares but he also starts thinking about how much he loves Will, his best friend, and how much he's grateful that he has Will in his life. He decides he has to talk to him before they leave, he goes in his room and starts thanking him for helping and starts apologizing for how he acted with him

Why didn't he hug him at the airport? Because he was feeling awkward because he has a crush on Will, he's not completely aware, or like.. he is but he's trying to push that down and ignore it and stay best friends… he is terrified of things changing between them and thinks that Will is straight anyway lmao

Anyway they depart and start the journey and his feelings towards Will are growing, that's why we have the triple take in the desert, he's feeling so so close to Will and noticing him in another light (a gay light lmao) but at the same time he is still worried about El and he is still trying to be normal and has the idea of fixing things with her…

he talks with Will on top of that car and Will tells him something that makes him think:

Yes, he is scared that El will not like the truth - the truth is that he is not sure that he loves her. Mike doesn't get that Will was talking about himself too because Mike thinks Will is straight.

They act as a team when they go to Suzie and then, finally, they are now in the van:

In the van Mike is thinking about his relationship with El and he is feeling like maybe they were never destined to be together, he likes her but he feels like she's too much for him, he doesn't feel worthy and the relationship is not feeling as it should… he feels like El doesn't need him at all and… he is confused… he does like her but there is something that is not working and he is terrified of losing her from his life so he does want to keep dating her at this point

this is were Will should have shut the fuck up lmao

Will starts talking and gives Mike all the reassurance he needed to keep thinking that he can fix his problems with El.

Why does Mike look at Will that way if he doesn't understand that Will is talking about himself?

because he is having a reaction to Will's words, he is in love with his words, and also has a reaction to Will himself but he doesn't realize that fully in that moment, I think he half hopes that those words were only from Will but he believes Will's lie that they are from El even if it doesn't feel like it, because he believes Will would not lie to him.

If you notice, every time that Will talks about how the painting is from El he looks a bit disappointed and that's because what he really was trying to say before was that even if he doesn't want to lose her he is not sure about him feeling romantic love for her. When he smiles at the end of the speech that Will makes that smile is fondness and gratitude for Will being there for him, that smile is about his own love for Will alone, that doesn't mean that he realized he is in love with Will yet, that means that he is grateful for Will existing and is feeling feelings for him…

they go on and they find Eleven in the desert and in the reunion we can see a look of inner conflict on Mike's face when he looks at both El and Will, this is because he is feeling conflicted and confused. He likes El but has feelings for Will too and is now more aware that he has feelings for him… plus the reunion with El didn't feel romantic to him, he didn't have butterflies, he didn't feel like kissing her.

they go on and yeah, he's not sure but he feels like they have to talk and fix things, so in the pizza place he tries to talk to her, I think he has the intention of saying the I love you, but it's not working out, he's not feeling it… the words don't want to come out of his mouth.

they get interrupted… and boom!

El is dying, Will is telling him to say what he feels for El, meaning that Will doesn't have any feelings for him in Mike's mind… Mike does love El, he believed that El feels like Will said in the van and wants her alive and is terrified of losing her, so he starts talking but… he hesitates before saying it because he is forcing it out… because subconsciously he knows that what he is saying he is saying it in a platonic sense… he is super confused, but he wants to help so he starts his monologue and all that he says he means it… it just is in a platonic sense!

after he says it he thought that would solve all the problems in their relationship, but this doesn't happen, El understood that she doesn't feel in love with Mike when Mike told her he loves her, so now El is unsure on what to do next, she doesn't want to hurt Mike… Mike is heavily confused about how he feels, but one thing that he knows for sure is that he wants to be near Will all the time…

I think El wants to break up with Mike now but I don't think she is 100% sure that Mike meant that platonically

Mike believed Will's lie and that's what will cause drama next season because when he finds out that those were not El's feelings all the base for his own monologue for El breaks down, that will make him angry with Will, and he will want to know why Will lied… the love confession happens, Will is probably going to be in danger and this springs Mike into the realization that he's actually in love with Will Byers - they kiss, they live happy forever!

Hope this helps!! :)

#bi mike wheeler #byler #will byers #mike wheeler #ask #el hopper byers

[amzngdevil]

"Be proud, motherfucker!" - Modern!AU Sevro&Victra

Summary: just Sevro and Victra meeting each other at a pride parade.

Word count: 497

Another onsehot about Red Rising characters in modern-days. The first one was about Reaperstang. Hope you like it! And feel free to share your comments in my askbox ♡ Happy Pride Month 🏳️‍🌈

They were welcomed by the colourful crowd singing a Madonna song that Victra hated. Cassius convinced her to come after knowing of a fight between her and her sister Antonia. She wasn't the type who likes parades, but his persuasion had worked. She wore a t-shirt saying I put the BI on BITCH. Cassius was shirtless, obviously, with a bisexual flag tangled on his neck.

Cassius flirted with everyone who passed by them, but Victra was just walking by like she was a goddess among mortals. Unlike her friend, she didn't share smiles with everybody, but once she had found someone who picked her interest, there was no mercy.

An exalted conversation captured her attention and with a good look around she could see better. A couple was sitted on a sidewalk. One of the girls were as tall as Victra herself, with a wild white hair falling down her back. The other were much smaller with red hair making a beautiful combination with her dark skin and seemed about to cry while listened a guy in front of her who gesticulated a lot. Victra searched for Cassius, but he had found a group of stiletto dancers and joined their Born This Way choreography. Where did he found the high heels, she'll never know.

"What happened?" she asked the tall girl, the only one who noticed her approach.

"Just a few people saying shit to us." she sighed. "Always happens."

Victra put a hand on the girl's shoulder and focused on the guy's words. He was small too, hair painted with the colours of the trans flag.

"You shouldn't let a bunch of a-holes bother you, and not be ashamed of holding hands!" his tone was rasp but his eyes were soft. "C'mon! This is a Pride Parade! If we don't feel free here, where else should we?" he grabbed the smaller girl by her collar. "Be proud, motherfucker!"

He catched Victra's laugh when he turn around. Blush took his cheeks.

"What's up?" he raised his eyebrows. "D'you got something against the things that I've said?"

"Easy!" she lifted her hands up. "I'm laughing 'cause I like your vibe, shorty."

"Yeah, I'll show you what's short..." he gave her his middle finger.

"Oooh.." her eyes glowed. "Is that a promise?"

He blushed a little more when she winked at him.

"Women don't usually like small men." his words were cautious.

"Well, that's because they're dumb." she grabbed his thin. "I assure you, baby, that I'm one of a kind."

"And I'm Sevro." he frowns. "Fuck! It wasn't what I meant to say! I just-"

"You're nervous, I know." she approached and whispered in his ear. "Why don't we just get the hell out of here  and go somewhere I could make you relax, sweetheart?"

He cleared his throat and turned to the couple behind him.

"So, Lyria and Volga, really nice to meet you, but I gotta go, okay?" he flirted with her this time. "I'm gonna give this girl a reason to be proud."

Notes: I can't believe I wrote another RR Modern!Au! Thank you so much for all the love you've send on the previous one, it means a lot to me. I hope you like that version of Victra and our goblin! ♡

#amzngdevil #amzngdevil writing #amzngdevil rr au #red rising #red rising fanfic #sevro au barca #victra au julii #victra au barca

[bisexual-horror-fan]

i need to hear more about this au of yours bex!!!! collabs, who else is involved, i wanna hear more if you wanna share?!!

I am more than happy to share! Alan belongs to @lucifers-horror-harem Eleanor belongs to @darkestamralime and Eve belongs to @tinymonsterlover

All my friends have very hot and fun OCs to play with. Under the cut more sex work, camming, toy use and more.

Amber started doing cam work after college. She found out about it being an option and she had to admit it sounded fun, she started it casually, just to see if she could and if the money would be good. She had a good job already, one related to her degree that covered her expenses just fine but this, camming, it was fun, way, way too fun. It scratched a certain itch, Amber exhibitionist tendencies were fully unlocked and she decided to lean into this hard. 

She researches, networks, connects, makes a few friends and she invests. She invests in her streaming space, her outfits, her audience and has been at this for a few years at this point. She is well known, well loved and very, very well tipped. 

Amber loves game nights the best and loves to show off. Some nights where she plays stripper are her favourites, allows people to pay to play music for her to dance to, more money the more clothing comes off, naturally. Her pole skills are ever improving, she puts a lot of effort into learning it and loves the exercise it provides. Another great night is doing full group sessions, people can pay to submit porn clips for everyone to get off together too and Amber will rate your taste. 

Alan Sharpe is someone that she collabs with early on. Mr.Sharpe has some very dom/Daddy/Master/Sir focused content, he also does some straight audio content that does very well and when Amber makes a few guest appearances to help make some of the background sounds more “realistic” his stream numbers go insane. Amber has had him by a few times on hers, particularly on some “game nights”, Alan actually won during an extended game of “Edge To Edge” against Amber and she totally didn’t let him win on purpose or anything like that and he got to choose the direction of the rest of the stream that night. No one complained, least of all Amber. They have a great friendly and working relationship outside of camming. 

Amber is bi as fuck and has a few lovely ladies she does collab streams with, her main two are Eleanor and Eve. With both they go really hard, coordinated outfits and fully planned scenes, toys galore and more dirty talk than anyone could ever reasonably handle. Amber is convinced if she did a stream with both at once she wouldn’t need to cam for two months from the money that they’d make. She is thinking of holding out on that for a big anniversary for her account. To go into a bit more detail, people love how even it is between her and Eleanor, there is a wonderful give and take, a very fun and light energy, like two old friends with tons of stories and banter and lots of orgasms and strap-on use. They vibe and gell super well. For Amber and Eve, people love how intense it can be, Amber loves to laugh and usually keeps it light and fun in general but Eve can bring out this really strong heavier vibe that is a great change of pace, lots of body worship too. 

Now as for Freddy! It was one evening while doing a Q and A where someone asked if there was anyone else that she would stream with and she said with the right person she’d love to. She had gotten into a comfortable routine with who she’d be streaming with so far but if you wanna stay on top you always have to be open and willing to try new things. She says she is open to suggestions and the chat lights up, it’s hard to keep track until someone suggests one name and the whole chat echo’s it. Seems very familiar and she does a quick google and she has seen him around, watched (and cum) to those streams. He does some very hardcore streams, has a whole elbarote set, very BDSM focused and the streams where he invites some girl on to play with are the best ones. She teases that maybe she could be one of those lucky, lucky girls. She reaches out on a whim after the stream that night and guess who is a big, big fan of Amber’s? 

Plans are made for a meet-up to check compatibility and she can hardly wait!

#More Amber cam au! #TMOMD #Amber Cottrell #Alan Sharpe #BHF asks #BHF writing #Thank you for asking for this!!!

[edwinspaynes]

Tell us how you feel about each main TLH character.

Oh man! This is gonna be a lot of typing. But sure! Why not. I'll just listen to Fall Out Boy while I type.

Matthew Fairchild -> This man means the world to me. Like, he and I are intrinsically extremely similar Disaster Bis. We have a lot of the same quirks (extreme pettiness, obsession with a specific author's works, overdramatic demeanors, emotional volatility/instability, sensitivity). More than anything something I see in him that I have is what I call "Happy Armor". He acts so happy and bright to mask the fact that he's really struggling because he doesnt want to be a burden, he wants others to be happy, and he is scared of being rejected like I am. So we have this similarity. But in any case, Matthew is such a complex and interesting character, but he's also kind of my best friend too LOL. I'm so excited for his bindup. Like, SO excited. I manifested this for years.

Alastair Carstairs -> Deadass one of the most interesting and complex characters I have ever seen. Ever. He's so interesting to engage with and write about because he feels so real. He's compelling, and you just have to know everything that makes him tick and why. I love his storyline about learning to love yourself even after making mistakes and hurting people because I think it's something we can all relate to. And I DEEPLY respect his strength and resilience as well as his selflessness. He's a good man and one I am so proud of.

Thomas Lightwood -> Honestly probably the TSC character I'd wind up being good friends with if we met. We share a lot of similar interests like languages and travel, and it's cool to see my interests mirrored in him. But I also just really love how kind and good he is, which must be really challenging after losing two (2) loved ones in a 6-month span. I just want him to get a 10-hour-long hug. But I also love the quiet fortitude he always carries himself with. Like, he's gentle, but he's not afraid to speak his mind and will stand up for himself and his loved ones. Love that! I hate how most of the fandom just sees the "nice one" or thinks his personality is just "big,"

Grace Blackthorn -> An amazing, well-crafted morally gray character. I'm so interested in her, and I also feel really attached to her and protective of her. She was in a SHIT situation and literally there wasn't anything else she could have done. You can't convince me she's a monster. She's the one character whose ending I am so ridiculously unsatisfied with. She deserved better, not just as a person but also as the character Cassie crafted.

Christopher Lightwood -> SO pure. SO good. I love how he thinks about the world in ways unique to a Shadowhunter. I really with we'd gotten more scenes with him and Henry. And his death was SO sad. I feel very bad about it. I wish we'd gotten a funeral or something.

Cordelia Carstairs -> I get into her in depth here. But, in the end, I really do like her and admire her bravery. She's clever and strong, which I like. I just wish she'd been a more dynamic character and would like to shake some of the naivete out of her.

James Herondale -> I really do like him, but he's also a very static character. Not a lot of growth happens, but he's a good person. Still, I more enjoy him for his dynamics with those around him, specifically Matthew.

Ari Bridgestock -> She's so cool. I just wish she had some storylines independently of Anna. I'd be interested to see more of her with other characters like Grace or Alastair. I'd also like to see some moments with her family or where she connects with her culture. It's just annoying that we only really get her for ship reasons because I think she could do better than Anna. That's why she's so far down on the list. It's not her fault.

Lucie Herondale -> I'm super indifferent to Lucie at this point. She's nice and has her funny moments, but I don't find her super three-dimensional or compelling.

Anna Lightwood -> I don't like her at all, sorry. I DO like her dynamic with Matthew and enjoy seeing them together, mainly because I think of her as an interesting person for Matthew to talk with. But I'm just... disappointed? Because Anna was a character I looked forward to a lot and she turned out to kinda be the lesbian equivelant of a fuckboy. I'd have liked her better if she'd actually had some growth in ChoT or buried the ledger, but she "likes everything she has and approves of everything she's done," so. She's only above Jesse because she has some interesting interactions with Matthew.

Jesse Blackthorn -> He's down here because I don't think I enjoyed a single scene with him in ChoT. The way he treated Grace really soured me to him, and he fell really flat and one-dimensional anyway. Not a fan at this point :/

Bonus:

Charles Fairchild -> I'm having the exact reaction Cassie wanted me to and I simultaneously love that for her and hate that for me. She did a really good job of writing him. This character has 0 redeeming qualities and also has the added shittiness of having seriously mistreated one of my all-time fave characters. Like, I hate this man as a human being. And YET. Yet. I still manage to sympathize with him in ChoT. He was put in a really tight spot for something that he shouldn't have been targeted for and got a bad lot. No one deserves that.

[menalez]

hi. you dont have to reply to this ask if you dont want to or if you do you can make it public Idm. also I dont mean to trauma dump so pls just delete this because tbh its too much. tl;dr at start Im starting to doubt my sexuality despite being in late 20s. also, tw sex, rape, csa, cocsa, etc. so, I've always known I kinda like girls and that Im more likely bi than straight. I was in love with one during highschool and I felt intense sexual attraction towards a close friend in uni. I was p far left back then so I thought this must be that demisexual thing where you only feel attraction once you get to know people LMAO. then I had some crushes on guys here and there, was virgin till 24 and then slept around way too much with guys. never had experience with a woman. now Im in proper relationship with a really nice guy. recently I started watching a show and identifies way too much with a lesbian character. like from how she acts to what she says regarding women she feels attracted to. I havent been able to sleep for past two nights and Im starting to wonder if I even feel attracted to him.

until we recently moved in together we had sex. a lot. but I had a meltdown because of past sexual trauma, all the sleeping around because of other reasons than wanting to have sex, (loneliness, low self esteem) csa and cocsa at hands of female relatives, so that also confuses me. we havent had regular sex, maybe once in a month. and last time I was hoping it to end soon and just waited it out. I dont blame my bf, hes never done anything wrong, and I was the one who told him to keep going. ofc I had told him Im bi but now Im so unsure if about what even attraction means. I honestly never felt that intense attraction towards a guy, ever. Ive felt that with several women, like random passerbyers and such. some women I couldnt take eyes off of and had to just move along because I felt like a creep (which also factors in me not wanting to look at women In That Way because thats how men look at women and its just hella confusing as a fellow woman who doesnt want to objectified by men either) Idk how much Im convincing myself I love men and society has brainwashed me. Idk what Im wishing to get out of this, Im just stressed I dont love my bf in That Way and this is just platonic love, that Ive convinced myself into doing even stuff like kissing and hugging because Thats What Im Supposed To Do.

anyway, thank you if you read it so far, thank you for your time. I would really like some advice if you have any but you also dont have to if you dont want to. btw I love your blog and if you cant tell I follow you on here. keep up the good work. <3 I hope you have a nice day!

aww that really sounds stressful and like a difficult situation anon :( honestly i think many lesbian & bi women go through some moments of doubt and confusion at least at one point in our lives so you’re not alone there. tbh i would encourage talking your feelings out with someone who knows you well and someone you trust, they can help give you perspective. sometimes we identify with something a lot that it can confuse us in many ways. and if possible, maybe experiment with women? it’s kinda hard to understand your attraction when it’s kinda just .. abstract?

to me it sounds like you may indeed be bi & maybe cycling (bi cycle) or perhaps you have a strong preference and are just realising it. however, i can’t determine your sexuality for u as i do not know you. this is why id recommend experimenting but of course you should be transparent with everyone involved (your boyfriend- idk whether you’d ask him if it’s possible to be open or something else, and whichever woman you experiment with). i overthink and doubt myself a lot and actually being with a woman definitely helped me. pushing myself to be with men to “test” whether im into them was personally highly traumatic for me so if someone thinks they’re a lesbian but has never been with a man & isn’t sure if they’re into it… id highly recommend NOT trying. getting clarity faster will never be better than not pushing your own boundaries and risking traumatising yourself. to me it sounds like you really need to be single right now and just explore yourself and try being with a woman and see how you feel from there. there’s also no shame in being unsure and not labelling your sexuality either.

also facing previous trauma like CSA especially can really make it hard to understand your sexuality, from my experience most bi & lesbian women who go through such intense confusion and identity disturbances like what u described have faced CSA too.. so you really aren’t alone there ❤️❤️ i wish you luck anon. you’ll figure it out you just need to give urself space and time

[erindrifter]

I'm gonna explain a thing real quick, because I've never really talked about it: the reason I'm not out as trans anywhere but here.

So. First of all, my parents are not really dangerous. If I came out to them, I would be under no physical threat from them. However. They have already done irreparable damage to my desire to come out as trans.

Those who have been here a while may remember a couple years ago when my efforts to come out as bisexual were completely stopped. This was a few months after I had come out to my dad, and about a year after I came out to my mom. When I told my dad, I also came out to both of them as asexual. It went decently, there was some explaining to do, but they took it without too much fuss.

Fast forward a few months, and my dad is over to help me wire internet to my computer in my second apartment. We start talking, and he mentions that he doesn't believe that neither bisexuality nor asexuality even exist. He's convinced I just haven't chosen which gender I'm attracted to, and during this conversation, this sentence came up: "...and when you decide to have sex..." (Pointed look at me) "WHEN you decide to have sex, you will have chosen which gender."

That one sentence told me that he thinks I'm just in some strange limbo state. He doesn't believe in two of the most significant pieces of my identity.

My mom has a different approach. She has never directly said anything about me, but has suddenly started saying stuff like "Why does your generation insist on labeling everything? I don't get it. Why does everything have labels? Just be the best you that you can be!" Any time I try to explain it, she just stops listening.

I also have a cousin who is trans. We never really see that side of the family. I don't even remember the cousin in question. But my mom has stated on MANY different occasions "I don't get it. He-SHE says that she was 'suffocated by her gender'. What does that even mean?" And then won't listen to me trying to explain that. My dad has said (in that same conversation from earlier) that "a person's gender is determined by the chemicals in their body. I won't call someone by the other pronouns unless they have changed the chemicals in their body." I.E. he will knowingly misgender someone until they have started HRT and are probably showing the effects.

So, my parents are not very supportive where it counts. My sister has accidentally outed me to her coworkers, and I have no reason to believe she won't do it again.

My friends are slightly different. One of my best friends is a lesbian, and was the first person I told that I was bisexual. She took it very well, and has even provided me with my pride flag. She hasnt stated anything against or for trans people, so she is probably the person I would tell first.

My best friend of all time, and my ex-roommate, took me being bi/ace rather well, and has even talked about his own sexuality with me. However, what small bits he's talked about regarding trans people was neutral, but leaning a bit negatively. It was in a biased conversation, so I can't say for sure, however. The last friend I don't know nearly as well, and have not come out as anything to him.

And that's it for my closest friends and family. Both sides of my extended family are VERY Mormon, and I can't guarantee a good reaction from any of them.

I have come out to some work friends, but only after I found out that they were already in the LGBT community.

So, long story short, I haven't come out as trans, and have no plans to do so, because I just can't take the rejection I foresee if I do come out. I could potentially lose everyone close to me in one way or another. I can't take that. It already hurt more than it should when my parents just ignored my sexuality like that, and out of my friends, only one of them made a positive impression. Gender identity is a lot more controversial, and I can't guarantee any positive reaction to me being trans.

#basically im scared #terrified even #coming out isnt an option right now #not unless i can build another support structure #but the best I have is a discord server #so not much

[mishafletcher]

Are you a Gold Star lesbian? (Just in case you don't know what it means, a Gold Star lesbian is a lesbian that has never had the sex with a guy and would never have any intentions of ever doing so)

So I got this ask a while ago, and I've been lowkey thinking about it ever since.

First: No. I am a queer, cranky dyke who is too old for this sort of bullshit gatekeeping. 

Second: What an unbelievable question to ask someone you don't even know! What an incomprehensibly rude thing to ask, as if you're somehow owed information about my sexual history. You're not! No one—and I can't reiterate this enough, but no one—owes you the details of their sex lives, of their trauma, or of anything about themselves that they don't feel like sharing with you.

The clickbait mills of the internet and the purity police of social media would like nothing more than to convince everyone that you owe these things to everyone. They would like you to believe that you have to prove that you're traumatized enough to identify with this character, that you can't sell this article about campus rape without relating it to your own sexual assault, that you can't talk about queer issues without offering up a comprehensive history of your own experiences, and none of those things are true. You owe people, and especially random strangers on the internet, nothing, least of all citations to somehow prove to them that you have the right to talk about your own life.

This makes some people uncomfortable, and to be clear, I think that that's good: people who feel entitled to demand this information should be uncomfortable. Refusing to justify yourself takes power away from people who would very much like to have it, people who would like to gatekeep and dictate who is permitted to speak about what topics or like what things. You don't have to justify yourself. You don't have to explain that you like this ship because this one character reminds you a bit of yourself because you were traumatized in a vaguely similar way and now— You don't have to justify your queerness by telling people about the best friend you had when you were twelve, and how you kissed, and she laughed and said it was good practice for when she would kiss boys and your stomach twisted and your mouth tasted like bile and she was the first and last girl you kissed, but— 

You don't owe anyone these pieces of yourself. They're yours, and you can share them or not, but if someone demands that you share, they're probably not someone you should trust.

Third: The idea of gold star lesbians is a profoundly bi- and trans- phobic idea, often reducing gender to genitals and the long, shared history of queer women of all identities to a stark, artificial divide where some identities are seen as purer or more valuable than others. This is bullshit on all counts.

There's a weird and largely artificial division between bisexuals and lesbians that seems to be intensifying on tumblr, and I have to say: I hate it. Bisexual women aren't failed lesbians. They're not somehow less good or less valid because they're attracted to [checks notes] people. Do you think that having sex with a man somehow changes them? What are you so worried about it for? I've checked, and having sex with a man does not, in fact, make your vagina grow teeth or tentacles. Does that make you feel better? Why is what other people are doing so threatening to you?

Discussions of gold star lesbians are often filled with tittering about hehe penises, which is unfortunate, since I know a fair few lesbians who have penises, and even more lesbians who've had sex with people, men and women alike, who have penises. I'm sorry to report that "I'm disgusted by a standard-issue human body part" is neither a personality nor anything to be proud of. I'm a dyke and I don't especially like men, but dicks are just dicks. You don't have to be interested in them, but a lot of people have them, and it doesn't make you less of a lesbian to have sex with someone who has a dick.

There's so much garbage happening in the world—maybe you haven't noticed, but things are kind of Not Great in a lot of places, and there's a whole pandemic thing that's been sort of a major buzzkill? How is this something that you're worried about? Make a tea, remind yourself that other people's genitalia and sexual history are none of your business, maybe go watch a video about a cute animal or something. 

Fourth: The idea of gold star lesbians is a shitty premise that argues that sexuality is better if it's always been clear-cut and straightforward—but it rarely is. We live in a very, very heterosexist culture. I didn’t have a word for lesbian until many years after I knew that I was one. How can you say that you are something when your mouth can’t even make the shape of it? The person you are at 24 is different to the person you are at 14, and 34, and 74. You change. You get braver. The world gets wider. You learn to see possibilities in the shadows you used to overlook. Of course people learn more about themselves as they age.

Also, many of us, especially those of us who grew up in smaller towns, or who are over the age of, say, 25, grew up in times and places where our sexuality was literally criminal.

Shortly after I graduated high school, a gay man in my state was sentenced to six months in jail. Why? Well, he’d hit on someone, and it was a misdemeanor to "solicit homosexual or lesbian activity", which included expressing romantic or sexual interest in someone who didn’t reciprocate. You might think, then, that I am in fact quite old, but you would be mistaken. The conviction was in 1999; it was overturned in 2002.

I grew up knowing this: the wrong thing said to the wrong person would be sufficient reason to charge me with a crime.

In the United States, the Defense of Marriage Act was passed in 1996, clarifying that according to the federal government, marriage could only ever be between one man and one woman. It also promised that even if a state were to legalize same-sex unions, other states wouldn't have to recognize them if they didn't want to. And wow, they super did not want to, because between 1998 and 2012, a whopping thirty states had approved some sort of amendment banning same-sex marriage.

Every queer person who's older than about 25 watched this, knowing that this was aimed at people like them. Knowing that these votes were cast by their friends and their families and their teachers and their employers. 

Some states were worse than others. Ohio passed their bill in 2004 with 62% approval. Mississippi passed theirs the same year with 86% approval. Imagine sitting in a classroom, or at work, or in a church, or at a family dinner, and knowing that statistically, at least two out of every three people in that room felt you shouldn't be allowed to marry someone you loved.

Matthew Shepard was tortured to death in October of 1998. For being gay, for (maybe) hitting on one of the men who had planned to merely rob him. Instead, he was tortured and left to die, tied to a barbed wire fence. His murderers were both sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison. This was controversial, because a nonzero number of people felt that Shepard had brought it upon himself.

Many of us sat at dinner tables and listened to this discussion, one that told us, over and over, that we were fundamentally wrong, fundamentally undeserving of love or sympathy or of life itself.

This is a tiny, tiny sliver of history—a staggeringly incomplete overview of what happened in the US over about ten years. Even if this tiny sliver is all that there were, looking at this, how could you blame someone for wanting to try being not Like This? How can you fault someone who had sex, maybe even had a bunch of sex, hoping desperately that maybe they could be normal enough to be loved if they just tried harder? How can you say that someone who found themself an uninteresting but inoffensive boyfriend and went on dates and had sex and said that it was fine is somehow less valuable or less queer or less of a lesbian for doing so? For many people, even now, passing as straight, as problematic as that term is, is a survival skill. How dare you imply that the things that someone did to protect themself make them worth less? They survived, and that's worth literally everything.

Fifth, finally: What is a gold star, anyhow? You've capitalized it, like it's Weighty and Important, but it's not. Gold stars were what your most generous grade school teacher put on spelling tests that you did really well on. But ultimately, gold stars are just shiny scraps of paper. They don't have any inherent value: I can buy a thousand of them for five bucks and have them at my door tomorrow. They have only the meaning that we give them, only the importance that we give them. We’re not children desperately scrabbling for a teacher’s approval anymore, though. We understand that good and bad are more of a spectrum than a binary, and that a gold star is a simplification. We understand that no number of gold stars will make us feel like we’re special enough or good enough or important enough, or fix the broken places we can still feel inside ourselves. Only we can do that.

The stars are only shiny scraps of paper. They offer us nothing; we don’t need them. I hope that someday, you see that, too. 

#queer stuff #lgbtq #gold star lesbians #long post #sorry #Anonymous

[elenarodriiguez]

“if you refuse to make a move, i will.” | s.r. & c.r.

summary: ava knows that connor and sarah are made for each other, and if it takes her twisting connor’s arm to get them there, then so be it.

pairing: sarah reese x connor rhodes

word count: 1156

read it on ao3

Ava has always considered herself to be a good friend to Connor, their rocky start aside. Their competitive work relationship was how they’d initially bonded, their snarking and teasing just being another facet of how they communicated their admiration and affection for one another. That being said: Connor Rhodes is absolutely fucking oblivious and you can’t convince Ava of anything else being the truth.

She had watched for months now as he had reduced Reese to a blushing flustered mess with every interaction, and how the curly haired woman managed to do the same to him whenever she took control of a situation. At first it had been somewhat bearable, something she could use as ammunition whenever Connor’s head was growing a little too large. But now it was boring, tiresome and repetitive.

Not to mention his puppy dog look he constantly wore now that their interactions had slowed entirely, due to a rotation primarily on the paediatric ward. However, she would not allow herself to be declared a bad friend by anyone, and if she didn’t do anything, then Halstead would be next in line, and not as nice about it.

It had taken her a couple of weeks to figure out how she would get rid of abandoned puppy Connor, even if dopey loved up Connor would take his place, but in the end, it’s Sarah who does all of the work for her. Ava technically wasn’t supposed to hear the young psychiatrist speaking with her donor recipient, but from what she remembered about the teenager, she was rather distressed prior to the surgery for some reason that she refused to divulge to anyone.

“Look Tara, I know the thought of not being yourself, not loving who you love is terrifying, but this new heart, that won’t change who you are as a person. Who you are at your core.”

“How would you know?” The girl snarks, and Ava has half a mind to jump in in Reese’s defence.

“Well, I had a heart transplant when I was about your age, maybe a little older. And I was absolutely terrified that I would stop loving my girlfriend afterwards, nearly refused the surgery altogether because of it. But, when I was released from the hospital and I saw her for the first time, those feelings were still there. And I have no doubt that when you look at Morgan, you will feel the exact same way about her.”

“Oh. Are you still dating your girlfriend?”

“No, no, she wanted to stay in New York after college, I wanted to move to Chicago, in the end it was just better for the both of us to split up while we still liked one another.”

“Who wants to live in Chicago? No offence.”

“None taken, I think. Look, you get some rest before Dr. Bekker comes around for your post-ops, and if you want to talk then I’m just a page away. Take care now.”

She walks out of the room smiling to herself, and Ava has to take half a step back so that Sarah doesn’t walk into her and send them both flying. As soon as she sees the blonde lurking at the doorway, she turns her bright beaming smile onto the cardiothoracic attending, who doesn’t even bother to stutter out an excuse of any kind.

“I didn’t realise you were queer Dr. Reese.”

“I identify as bi, but I thought you already knew that. I went to pride last year with Maggie and everyone from the ED once she found out I wasn’t straight. I think she was trying to show that she was supportive, it’s sweet. You’re gay, correct?”

“Yes I am. I haven't had the chance to dip my toes into the dating scene here, work is a cruel mistress.”

“That it is.” Sarah laughs before getting a page and taking off in the direction of the paediatric psychiatric ward, shouting a goodbye over her shoulder.

As soon as Ava is done with her post-op checks on the ward, she texts Connor and asks him to meet her in the staff room for a ‘bitch session’. It takes him no time at all to meet her there, shutting the door behind him and leaving the bustling emergency department behind them. He makes them both mediocre coffee, filling his own beverage with a cavity inducing quantity of sugar, and carries the mugs over to the table that Ava is sitting at.

“You know,” Ava says as she takes a calculated sip of her drink, “I didn’t realise Reese swings my way too.”

Connor chokes on his gulp of coffee, his face turning bright red as he glowers at his friend, whose lips twist into a sly smirk.

“Why are you bringing up Sarah’s sexuality?” He asks once he regains his composure, not bothering to take another sip to try and cover up his otherwise unwarranted curiosity.

“I overheard her talking with a patient, Tara Eames, just now when I was doing post-ops. She mentioned something about an ex-girlfriend back in New York and it got me thinking.”

“How’s that?”

“Oh, nothing major, just that if you refuse to make a move, I will.”

“Excuse me?”

“Please, everyone knows you have a thing for her, and I can’t say I blame you. In fact if I were a betting woman, I’d say you have a type - Dr. Charles’s daughters.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He scoffs, trying to retain what little dignity he has left.

“If that’s the case, then you won’t mind me asking her out for drinks after shift today. Only, I’ve heard that there’s this great lesbian bar not too far from here, and I’m sure Sarah’s been by now.”

“You wouldn’t, you don’t even like her like that.”

“What’s not to like Rhodes? She’s intelligent, compassionate, not to mention stunning! It’d be a shame to let her better qualities get overlooked and ignored by certain cowardly male cardiothoracic attendings. That is, of course, if no one else is actively pursuing her.”

“I know what you’re doing Ava, it won’t work.” He snarls, slamming the mug onto the table.

“Won’t it? By the end of the day Rhodes, or Sarah might be on her way to becoming Dr Sarah Bekker.”

She gets up and flounces out of the room, leaving her half-filled mug by Connor’s as he glares at her. To the surprise of absolutely no one whatsoever, he wastes no time in seeking out Sarah and asking her out for drinks later, doing it in front of Bethan, one of the more chatty nurses on the ward. And if he makes sure to place his arm around Sarah’s waist as he guides her out of the hospital through the emergency department for all to see, especially Ava, well she isn’t going to call him out on it.

Not until the best woman speech at his wedding anyways.

#one chicago #chicago med #rheese #sarah reese #connor rhodes #chicago med oneshot #chicago med imagine #daisy writes

[sierraraeck]

The Better Kisser

BAU x Bi!Fem!Reader

Emily x Bi!Fem!Reader

Masterlist

Summary: After finding out that you haven’t had very many kissing experiences, the team realizes you’re the perfect candidate to judge who the best kisser on the team is.

Category: Fluff

Warnings: As you may have guessed, lots of kissing.

Word Count: 3.8k

A/N: Just a little something that popped into my head that I just needed to write. This is technically an AU where the members of the team are Hotch, Rossi, Spencer, Penelope, Derek, Emily, JJ, Luke, and Tara. Everyone is single.

It was true. You hadn’t kissed very many people. You decided long ago that it wasn’t really in the cards for you, dating and kissing and relationships, that is, so yeah. You weren’t what one would call an ‘experienced kisser.’ Your friends had teased you for it, but you’d always shrugged it off. It wasn’t something to be ashamed of.

You’d never thought it’d be something to be grateful for either, until tonight.

It’d been a long, hard case, and everyone was dying to get out of the stupid office, and away from those stupid files, so that you could all finally relax, maybe even have some fun. You’d only been with the team for about three months, and it was like an entire whirlwind throwing you this way and that. You also hadn’t gotten to know the team too well either, considering how busy you all constantly were. Your first week on the job, they went out for drinks after a case, but you were so exhausted that you left after the first round.

There hadn’t been time, or energy, since then for the team to spend quality, relaxed time together. That’s why tonight was extra exciting.

“You’re telling me that throughout all of highschool, all of college, you haven’t kissed more than two people?” Derek asked incredulously. You couldn’t fully remember how you’d all gotten onto the subject, except that you had. You were sitting on Garcia’s squishy couch, littered with colorful pillows and all sorts of stuffed animals. Garcia had decided that instead of going out to a bar, you were all going to go over to her place, minus Hotch and Rossi who tapped out early.

You shrugged. “Nope. I had one boyfriend and one drunk kiss, both of which were bad experiences for me. I’ve kind of avoided all of that since then.” You explained, “Plus, when would I have time for that? Between my college studies and getting into the FBI, then BAU, I didn’t really have free time.”

“I mean, sure, I guess,” Derek continued, “but come one. There had to be guys falling at your feet!”

You laughed. “Not all of us have that kind of draw, Derek.” He nudged you, and you nudged him back with a wink.

He was right, though. You were stunning. Even when you just put your hair up and wore sweatpants, there was just something about you. You would probably look good in a trash bag. But men were not just falling at your feet. Even if they were, you wouldn’t notice, putting all of your energy into chasing your dreams instead. You thought that was a very reasonable, and responsible, thing of you to do.

Plus, you’d done the whole boyfriend thing, and weren’t really interested in trying it again. Well, not as interested as you were in trying the whole girlfriend thing. And your first day on the job, a certain badass brunette caught your eye, and was even the first one to make you really feel like part of the team. You were finding it harder and harder to resist her pull.

“Yeah Derek,” JJ chimed in, drawing your attention back to the conversation, “Not all of us can rack up eight phone numbers and five make out sessions in one night.”

“What can I say?” Derek beamed, pride shining in his eyes. “I’m a great kisser.” Emily snorted. When Derek glared at her, she pressed her lips together and looked down. “What?”

“Nothing,” Emily sang, shaking her head with an air of mischief.

“No seriously, what?”

“It’s just that if you read girls half as well as you claim to, you might wonder if that’s always the case.” Derek’s jaw hung open, and Emily smirked at him with unabashed confidence. You stared at her and her piercing eyes, and you couldn’t help but admire how sexy she was when she was confident, smug even.

“Wow, you’re gonna go there?” Derek asked, feigning hurt disbelief, “And how would you know that?”

Again, Emily shrugged and nonchalantly stated, “Because I know how women act when they kiss me. And trust me. They’re actually enjoying themselves.”

Some ‘ooh’s radiated throughout the room, and based on the look Penelope had plastered to her face, things were about to get good.

You watched in amusement as Derek sat up a little straighter, “Is that a challenge?”

“If you want it to be.” Emily’s brows shot up.

“Alright, you’re on,” Derek nodded, determination radiating off of him.

“Well, I don’t know how strong either of your games are,” Luke spoke up, glancing quickly over at Spencer who was just observing the whole encounter, “but I think I could take on both of you.”

“No you could not,” Tara sneered from beside him.

“And you could?” Luke challenged.

Setting her glass down, Tara replied, “Yes.”

You giggled at the thought of the four of them having a kiss-off, just imagining how utterly chaotic that would be due to all of their extraordinarily competitive natures.

“Oh my god, this is going to be so fun!” Penelope squealed. “Now we just have to figure out who’s going to judge!”

“We can’t really use one of us because some people might be biased or recognize the kisser,” Emily casually stated. It took a moment for you to realize what she’d just admitted to. Who on the team has kissed before? But before you could really start thinking about it, you noticed that everyone’s gaze had slowly turned to you.

“What is happening right now?” you questioned, looked between them.

The five of them exchanged excited, knowing looks before training their attention back on you. Then you got it. “Are you serious?”

“You’re the only one who hasn’t kissed one of us!” Derek explained, as if it were obvious.

“You mean…” you trailed off, but again couldn’t complete the thought before someone interrupted.

“Come on, it’ll be fun!” Penelope promised. “And you seem like you’d be a very neutral judge.”

“Not to mention,” Tara added, “You’re a pretty blank slate since you haven’t really kissed anyone.”

“Don’t worry though, we’ll show you a good time,” Derek assured with a wink.

Heads nodded. You were a bit worried that there would be some hurt feelings by the end of this, but they were all adults, and the appeal to kiss all of them, along with their eager faces, became enough to convince you to say yes.

“Yes!” Derek exclaimed. He looked pointedly at Emily, “It is so on.”

She just rolled her eyes. “Pen, do you have a blindfold?”

“A what?” you asked.

“Well we can’t have you getting biased on us. This has to be strictly about kissing.” Hearing her explain it with such reason hampered your growing nerves a bit. Like you’d said, you hadn’t kissed very many people and you were worried how much better they were going to be at it than you.

You reminded yourself that this was more about them than you, and tried to use that to calm yourself down. You were about to be kissed by some of the most attractive people you’d met. This was definitely not a bad place to be.

While Penelope rummaged through her belongings to get a makeshift blindfold, Luke convinced Spencer to join and JJ decided to participate.

Pretty soon, they had you seated in a chair, another one across from you, waiting for whoever was going to go first, while Emily explained some ground rules. “We are going to go in rounds. We will each kiss her and then after every round, Y/N will eliminate one of us based on the number in the round we kissed her so she doesn’t know who it is. No touching. You can’t use your hands in any way, this has to purely be about the kiss. And kiss however you normally would, no matter what that means for you.”

“No hands?” Spencer questioned. You were still surprised that he’d agreed to join, let alone ask a question like that. Luke gave him an odd look from behind while Emily confirmed the rule.

“Your hands might give away who you are, and again, this is just about the kiss.”

“Alright, alright, let’s just get started,” Derek complained, as Penelope tied the blindfold behind your head.

Now that you couldn’t see, you relied on your hearing to figure out what was happening. You heard some shuffling and disgruntled whispering, then you heard the chair across from you slide across the floor toward you. You waited anxiously as the person leaned in and pressed their lips to yours.

Their lips were plush and soft, but the kiss seemed a little too forced. It was a bit excited and you could feel their smile as they started pulling away. It was a pretty good kiss, definitely better than your previous two, despite the fact that it only lasted a few seconds. You couldn’t help but try and guess who it was, thinking it was either Penelope or Tara.

The next person who sat down completely blew the person before them out of the water. It was a much longer kiss and the person even swiped their tongue across your bottom lip for entry. You weren’t really thinking as you gave them access, the heat in your body starting to rise. You just hoped that your face wasn’t giving any of that heat away, so you were almost grateful that the person pulled away.

There was a bout of silence, which made you feel a little awkward, but soon enough, you heard the cushion squish down across from you. Their knee knocked yours, as you assumed they crossed their legs. Being a profiler, you were very used to picking up on body language with your eyes, making it kind of fun to try and pick up those same behavioral cues with all of your other senses. This person, you could tell, was very hesitant. You couldn’t say you were surprised when the person really only pecked you on the lips.

Number four in the line up started out pretty good, but you felt them start shaking or something halfway through. You quickly realized that they were laughing and you pulled back. You couldn’t help but smile when you asked, “Why are you laughing?”

Up until then, they had laughed pretty silently, but once you called them out, they just full out chuckled. “I’m sorry!” Tara unapologetically said through more laughs. “I couldn’t help it. I blame Luke.”

You laughed with her as you playfully shook your head. “You were doing so well up until then!”

“I know!” she agreed.

“I guess this means you’re out?” you half questioned.

Tara gave an over dramatic sigh, but you could hear the smile in her voice as she stated, “I guess so.” As she walked away, Luke gave a small ‘ow,’ and you assumed she’d hit him. You wondered what about this was Luke’s fault? Had he said something to her?

Either way, someone took her spot across from you. They wasted no time leaning in and putting their lips on yours. The kiss started out slow and gentle, like they were easing you into it. But gradually, as you both became more used to the other, it picked up pace, your mouths starting to move in sync. It felt like all of their energy was focused on you and exploring your mouth with their tongue. It was by far the most passionate kiss you’d experienced, and you tried to hide the pout from your face as they pulled back, chasing their lips for only a second before remembering there was an audience, and a competition.

Person number six was … good. You couldn’t really describe it. They used, what now seemed to you to be, a medium amount of tongue, for a medium amount of time. It was a good kiss, you weren’t saying it wasn’t, it just didn’t have any quirk or something unique that stood out. It was just … good. You knew Tara was out, so you tried to guess who that person could be. You thought maybe JJ, or possibly Luke, but you couldn’t be sure.

The final person who kissed you was intense. They had plump, captivating lips, but the way they kissed verged on overwhelming. They were also a little sloppy in their movements, and it was like you could tell they weren’t fully invested. Distracted, maybe? Again, not bad, but nothing like some of the other kissers.

The air was hot and heavy as Emily spoke up. “Okay, we’ve all gone. You know Tara is out, she was number four, so who else from this round would you eliminate?”

You pretended to think about it, even though it actually wasn’t that hard to pick. “I think it was person number three.” The person who just sort of pecked me, you thought, but didn’t say.

The players were now down to five, and they went in the same order as they had before, minus person number three, who you guessed was Spencer, and Tara.

This round made you even more confused about who was who than the round before. The excited one you guessed was either Luke or Penelope, the intimate one you thought was Derek, the passionate one you thought was either Luke or Emily, the average one you thought was JJ, and the sloppy, intense one you had no idea about.

By the end of that round, you eliminated person number one, the overly excited, verging on too hard kisser.

The next round was a no brainer. The intimate kisser, Derek you thought, upped his game. He kissed you for longer, used a bit more tongue, but was still somehow gentle. If you thought he’d upped his game, you weren’t prepared for person number two. They also upped their game, keeping your mouths molded together for longer than before, something you were more than happy about. You couldn’t quite place exactly what it was about their kiss, maybe that it seemed so perfectly balanced, incorporated the perfect amount of everything, or something else, but they were absolutely magnetic. It sent electric waves through your body, making you feel a little tingly. You felt sort of bad for the average kisser, most likely JJ, because they had to follow that up. And finally the sloppy kisser, who you still couldn’t place. They didn’t up their game at all. If anything, they felt more distracted by the minute, and pulled away earlier than the rest.

“Person number four,” you stated when Tara asked who was getting eliminated.

It was now down to three; the intimate kisser, you predicted Derek, the passionate kisser, either Luke or Emily, and the average kisser, probably JJ.

There was some shuffling, a faint whispering, a small ‘ow,’ and then Tara spoke up again. “Now that there are only three left, as long as you are okay with it, they want to use their hands.”

You tried to downplay the excitement you were feeling with this new rule, but you were sure their trained ears could hear it in the way you said, “Yes, that’s good with me.”

The seat across from you suddenly became occupied, but before anything could happen, Tara quickly jumped in. “Wait. Y/N, you can’t use your hands.” When you pouted a little, she explained, “Well if you did, you’d definitely know who is who, so…”

You sighed, but agreed, waiting in anticipation for the person across from you to touch you.

It started soft, their long fingers brushing over your cheeks as they leaned in. Soon enough, though, the entirety of their hands were firmly cupping your face and pulling you ridiculously close, close enough to feel some of their body heat. It was intimate, and again made you feel like the most important person to whoever those lips and hands belonged to. You rubbed your thumb into your palm, wanting nothing more than to reach out and touch them, but you knew you couldn’t. Your sole focus was on them, them on you, and you had to say it was one of the best kisses of the night.

That person made you feel like the most important person in the world, but the next person kissed you like you were the only person in the world. They started out by tucking your hair behind your ear, then slowly sliding their fingers back into the loose strands. As they started to kiss you, they moved their other hand behind your head, cradling the back of your neck. The person before them had captured your focus, but this person erased any thoughts your mind was capable of forming. You couldn’t think about anything other than the way their tongue moved against yours, and the shiver they sent down your spine as one of their hands traveled the length of it, coming to rest just above your hip, strong, confident fingers pulling you closer. It was a moment you never wanted to end, and one that left you in a cold shock when it eventually did.

You almost didn’t even want the last person to kiss you because of how you knew it would never come close to what you’d just experienced, but a competition was a competition. The third person kissed you similarly to how they’d done before, good but nothing special, their hands resting comfortably on your hips.

When it was all over, you asked, “Can I take off the blindfold now? I know who the winner is.”

“Sure, but announce who first,” Tara suggested.

“Okay,” you agreed. “The third person got third, the first person got second, and the second person was the winner. Can I take the blindfold off now?” you asked again. You were eager to find out who was who. When you didn’t get an immediate response warning you not to, you stood up and quickly ripped it off to quite the amusing sight. Spencer looked as bright as a cherry, Penelope looked shocked but proud, Tara was smirking, Luke’s eyes were the size of beach balls, JJ looked indifferent, Emily was smirking, and Derek looked like he’d just been shot. “So are you going to tell me who was who?”

Without answering, Emily took two large strides toward you and placed her lips back on yours. One of her hands slid back into your hair while the other rested above your waist, and you smiled into the kiss. Of course it was you, you thought. When she pulled away, you were both smiling like idiots, and she gave you a single eyebrow raise as you both turned to look at Derek.

“I got third?” he asked, still in a state of bewilderment.

“What?” you asked, just as shocked as he was. “I thought you got second.”

Emily snorted. “You thought Spencer was Derek?”

What?! You spun to face Spencer, the person you were sure got out the first round, and he was still blushing like he’d been out in the sun for far too long. “You took second?” He nodded nervously. You beamed at him, causing him to return a shy smile, then look down at his fiddling hands. “You’re a really good kisser,” you complimented.

Derek repeated, “I took third? Emily, I guess I kinda get,” she rolled her eyes at that, “but Pretty Boy?”

You shrugged, and Luke jumped in, though not nearly as harsh as Derek had been. “Yeah, I took fourth, but Spencer got second?”

You offered him a cheeky smile, remembering how distracted he felt while kissing you, and the not-so-subtle glances he constantly made at Spencer all the time. You took the opportunity to encourage whatever was going on there. “He did. Like I said, he’s a good kisser. Very intimate, like I was the only one on his mind. You should try kissing him sometime. Might help you feel less distracted.” You winked and Spencer looked like he wanted to evaporate. Luke, on the other hand, was just staring at Spencer, and you could see the gears spinning in his head. He finally mumbled a ‘what the hell’ before pulling Spencer to him by the back of his neck. Spencer seemed immediately surprised, but recovered quite quickly, no hesitation to his movements after the initial shock. They kissed each other probably exactly how they’d just kissed you, Spencer’s hands cupping Luke’s face, Luke’s hands resting on the back of Spencer’s neck and lower back. Although, you’d have to say that Luke looked a bit more focused than he’d been with you. You laughed while some of the other members hooted. This was something that’d been a long time coming.

When they pulled away, Luke nodded. “Y/N, I definitely agree with you.”

Spencer smiled, and playfully nudged Luke as he said, “Y/N, I also agree with you.”

“Hey!” Luke exclaimed, but he was smiling the brightest he had in a while.

Derek was still a mess, not enjoying the moment as much as he usually would’ve, and asked, “What did I do wrong?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” you assured, “You’re a good kisser, but there’s just nothing too special about it. It’s kinda just…”

Emily and Derek looked at you expectantly before Emily got it. “Wait. Are you calling him average?”

She looked way too excited for the occasion, but she was right. He was just kinda average. You nonchalantly admitted, “I guess.”

Derek let his hands fall to his sides with a slap, his mouth still hanging open. Emily’s lips curled up into a sly smile as she placed a hand on Derek’s shoulder. “It’s okay. Not everyone can be as good as me.” He shrugged her hand off his shoulder, and she held out her hand. Derek reached into his back pocket producing his wallet, and grudgingly slapped a crumpled $20 into her open palm. You gawked at them, not realizing that they’d placed a bet on their skills.

Emily returned to your side, closer than she’d really ever stood to you before, and gave you a smile that seemed on the shyer side for her, biting her lip as she peered at you through her lashes. You mirrored her shy smile, pressing your lips together as heat quickly spread to your cheeks. You turned back to the rest of the conversation that demanded your attention, people wanting to know why you eliminated them. But you couldn’t help glancing over at Emily every now and then, and couldn’t hide your joy when you saw that she was gazing back.

Who knows? Maybe that night was going to be the start of two great relationships in the BAU.

@90spumkin

#criminal minds fanfic #bau x reader #emily x reader #emily prentiss fluff #criminal minds fluff #emily prentiss fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #emily prentiss x reader #ralvez #criminal minds #criminal minds fandom #cm #bau #behavioral analysis unit #emily prentiss #prentiss #derek morgan #morgan #spencer reid #reid #luke alvez #alvez #tara lewis #lewis #penelope garcia #garcia #jennifer jareau #jj

[farfromharry]

🥳- congrats on 2k 🎊 can I get a blurb of Harry H being in love with actress!reader who plays tom’s love interest in Spiderman 🎥 a bit of jealous Harry with fluff at the end please 😍

🥳 - send in a blurb request for tom (+peter or arvin) harry and harrison ( +leo)

summary: harry has a crush on you but your tom’s new love interest in spiderman

harry holland x actress!reader

w/c 764

Harry didn’t tend to get too easily attached to any of Tom’s co-stars. It was sort of a rule for him at this point. Yes, some of them were really good to hang out with while filming, but at the end of the day they were there to do a job, not make friends with their co-stars little brother.

So that’s why Harry was so angry when he found out you would be the love interest in Tom's newest Spiderman movie. He’d had a crush on you for years, he loved your work as an actress and he could confidently say he’d seen nearly every movie you’d been in; he loved most of them too. But other than your work he thought you were beautiful, in interviews you seemed like the kindest person and if he was being honest, he was a little bit jealous that Tom was getting to pretend to date you.

He didn’t want to get attached to you for the few months you’d be spending together, only to go and never see you again after it was over. He was convinced it would kill him.

But he couldn’t control how fond he was of you, and had nearly melted into a puddle when you first met, of course Tom had introduced the two of you as he knew about Harry’s crush, and he did find it very amusing to watch the man trip over his words and flush red everytime you so much as looked his way.

“I should get going, but it was really nice to meet you, Harry. I hope to see you again soon.” His eyes widened and he wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans nervously.

“Yeah, um, you too.” Tom was trying to hold back his laughter at how awkward his baby brother was being, only earning him a slap on the arm from the curly headed man.

“Remember your rule, she’s still my co-star.”

»»——⍟——««

Things had been going great for a while since Harry and you had first met. You’d chat together on set, laugh together, and sometimes you’d even ask him to get lunch with you. He thought you were just being polite, but you knew it was so you could spend some more time with him, alone.

However the day Harry had been dreading since Tom allowed him to read the script had finally arrived, and he may have been slightly more aggressive towards his brother about it than he intended to.

It got to the point where Tom was completely sick of it, calling him out for acting purely like a dick.

“What is up with you today?” Tom asked, getting rather sick of the attitude Harry was giving him whenever he opened his mouth. Today of course was the day they were filming the kiss scene between you and Tom, and Harry could have looked less forward to it if he tried.

“Why do you get to kiss Y/N?”

The older of the two grinned, much to Harry’s confusion, as behind his back he was unable to see you standing there.

“I get to kiss her cause she clearly prefers me,” he teased, although Harry was too clouded by irritation to realise his brother was simply poking fun at him.

He was nearly seething and Tom was surprised how easy it was to rile him up so quickly. You were trying to contain your laughter as the younger man tried to ramble his way through a list of reasons of why you definitely liked Harry as more than a friend and had no feelings for Tom.

“I guess you know me better than I know myself,” you said, a smirk settling on your lips as you watched him freeze in his spot. You didn’t even try and stop your giggle as he turned around sheepishly to look at you, his cheeks flushed a bright red.

“I’m sorry, I-I didn’t-“ You shook your head, shuffling over to him until your bodies practically touched.

“Shut up and kiss me,” you murmured, tugging him towards you to slot your lips against his.

Tom cheered for you both obnoxiously loudly, being the reason you and Harry eventually pulled away, shooting him an unimpressed glance. Over the months you’d grown to know Tom well enough that you knew what that smile on his face was implying; he was up to something.

He placed his hand on Harry’s shoulder, shooting you a wink that had the boy scowling at his sibling. “Thanks for helping her practice for me.”

“Oh, I’m going to kill you.”

send me an emoji for my sleepover!!

harry holland taglist → @euphorichxlland @theliterarymess-crackships @call-me-baby-gir1 @icyhollands @hollandbroz-n-haz @hopelessly-harry @siriuslyslyslytherin @musicalkeys-blog @itstaskeen @zspideyy @spideyssunshine @givebuckyhisplumsnow @hollandcrush @wizkiddx @hopeless-romantic-baby @thehumanistsdiary @dummiesshort @itsbieberxholland @lillucyandthejets @piscesparker @bvttercupbby @kujokura @jess-holland23 @captainamirica @tomsirishgirlx @annathesillyfriend @sunwardsss @messedupmyfuckinglife @bi-lmg @tomhollandismyhusband1996 @multixfandomwriter @hallecarey1 @avengers-hamiltrash @writingrem @aayaissaa @mamaparker28 @edmundspevensea

#harry holland #harry holland fluff #harry holland imagine #harry holland imagines #ellie’s 2k sleepover

[navalcriminalimagines]

Pairings: Rafael Barba x Reader, Sonny Carisi x Reader

Warnings: none?

Words: 4,511

Prompt: Rafael spent years keeping his feelings for you hiding.

Missed shot

When Rafael Barba started to work with Manhattan’s SVU, you’d been a detective there for almost two years. You joined the squad shortly before Stabler left. You saw Nick Amaro and Amanda Rollins joining in too. At first, Cragen partnered you with Amanda, and Olivia with Nick, but considering it wasn’t working between Liv and Nick, changes were made, and Nick became your partner.

You two quickly became close, like a brother-sister relationship. He told you about his issues with Maria, you were the first (and only one) to know when him and Amanda became a thing. So, obviously, you told him your secret.

“This is Tomas,” you told Nick, as you were showing him a picture of an 8-year-old boy. “My son,” you added. “Don’t bother counting, I did give birth to him when I was 17.”

“He’s cute. Looks a lot like you,” Nick smiled at you. “Nobody in the squad know?” he asked.

“Cragen does. But he’s our Captain and it’s in my file. But the rest, nope,”

“Why not?”

You told him more about your debut in the police. At first, you did hide the fact that you were a mom. But you quickly realized that your coworkers and others were judging you. People took you as immature, non-serious, and some guy actually pictured you as an easy girl. You hated every second of your debut. So, when you joined the bomb squad, you decided to make your son a secret. It’s much better this way.

Olivia learned about your son when she took Cragen’s place. A part of her was surprised, but another wasn’t. She saw you with kids, you do have that mother instinct. And of course, she promised that nobody would know about Tom.

Working with the SVU squad wasn’t an evidence for Rafael Barba. Nick gave him hard time for no apparent reasons, Amanda wasn’t a fan of him. Fin didn’t care much. But luckily, Olivia welcomed him nicely and then there was you. You were sweet to him, kind. You asked him if you whether call him “Rafael” or “Barba” – “Your choice,” he answered. You ask him how he’s doing every time you see him. You usually bring him a coffee when you stopped by his office.

You’re nice, gorgeous, young, smart, badass… it didn’t take long for Rafael to get interested in you. More than just as coworker. But this couldn’t be happening, so he started to stay away from you as much as possible. At first, it was easy since Rafael only sees you as a detective. He doesn’t know anything about you outside of the office, only that you have Swedish origins from your father. He doesn’t want to know more. He doesn’t need to.

But despite himself, he overheard conversations between you and Nick every now and then. When the name “Tom” came back multiple times, Rafael assumed you had a boyfriend. Good. This should make things easier.

For two years working together, you and Rafael had a normal work relationship. He kept his crush under-wrap, seeing people every now and then, when the thought of you was too much. Sometimes it was one-night stands, sometimes a bit more. But he never kept seeing the same person for more than two months. That’s when people want to make things more permanent. Rafael doesn’t want that.

Keeping you at arm’s length was perfect for him. He couldn’t let you in. He wasn’t open for a serious relationship, and he felt like you could turn his world upside down if he let you in.

He almost did when Nick got shot. You were very worried for your partner, Rafael almost hugged you when you started to cry in front of him. But Liv called at the same point, so he didn’t. And then Nick left SVU, and New York. His departure hurt you a lot, for a moment, Rafael thought you two had some kind of an intimate relationship. But he remembered a conversation you two had.

“Hey Barba, we’re going out for drinks. Wanna join?” you casually asked.

“What’s the occasion?”

“Okay, first, do you need an occasion to go out for drinks? And second, it’s just that Nick needs to get his mind off the breakup,”

“So, it’s definitely over between him and his wife?”

“Yeah, she’s moving to DC with Zara. He’s not doing great,”

“But he can always count on his other partner,” Rafael said, without thinking.

You chuckled, “What does that mean?”

“You two are—close,” Hopefully, it didn’t sound like jealousy. Which it actually was.

“Amanda is the one he slept with, not me. I’d rather sleep with you,” you left right after.

This was months ago, but Rafael still couldn’t believe you said that. He tried not to overthink about it, but he couldn’t. Was this just a joke? Were you just trying to prove a point? Or did you see him as more than just a coworker? He considered trying to explore this, but before he found the courage to do something about it, Sonny Carisi joined the squad and became your partner.

You missed Nick a lot, but you welcomed Sonny with open arms, unlike the others at first. He will forever be thankful about that. It didn’t take long for Rafael to see that you had a bond with Sonny, just like the bond you had with Nick. Maybe more. Liv told him a few times that being partners when you’re a cop is very special. He understands that, but it doesn’t he likes it when it comes to you.

Few months after Sonny join in, Rafael heard the name Tom again. You must have to Sonny about your boyfriend. Since he didn’t hear that name for months, he assumed that you two had broken up. But apparently not. Meaning that there’s nothing romantic with Carisi, but you still have a boyfriend. So, Rafael tried to forget what you told him and kept trying to convince himself that what he’s feeling for you isn’t love.

More months went by. It was obvious for Rafael that Carisi had a thing for you. He didn’t like it, but there’s nothing he can do. But he kept turning down all of your offers when the squad met up for drinks. He didn’t need that. He didn’t want to know the you outside work.

One day, he showed up to the precinct. No one was nowhere to be find. He spotted a gift wrapped on your desk. Curious, he took a closer look. There was a card. He looked around, still no one. So, he tried to take a look at the card.

“That’s very noisy of you, counselor,” he heard for behind. You. He jumped from the surprise, let go of the card.

“A box on a detective’s desk. Had to be sure it wasn’t a bomb,” he said, trying to keep a straight face. You laughed at his excuse.

“Would love to see your reaction if you saw a bomb,” you said, with a smile on your face. Apparently, you aren’t mad, so that’s good.

“I’d rather not,” he shyly smiled at you. “What would your reaction be?”

“Considering that I’ve been there before, I would keep my calm and do my best to defuse it,” you said before walking to the coffee area. Rafael analyzed your words for a moment before joining you.

“Come again?”

“Spent two years with the bomb squad before joining SVU,” you casually said, handing him the cup of coffee you just poured.

In four years, this was the first personal information you gave him. He almost couldn’t believe it.

“I—I didn’t know,”

“Well, yeah. We never talked about anything else than our cases,”

“True,” he took a sip. “And why would that be? In your opinion,”

“Because you don’t like me,”

You had poured another cup for yourself and walked up straight to your desk after those words. You sat, grabbed the gift to put it aside and started to look at something on your computer. Rafael was stunned for a moment but joined you again. He closed your laptop, and leaned against your desk, right next to you. He had never been this physically close to you before.

“Why in the world would you think that?” He asked.

“We’ve been working together for four years, Barba. Not once, did you show some kind of interest in me. You’re best friends with Liv, you tolerate Amanda, you’re courteous with Fin. Hell, you gave hard time to Sonny for the first year but now you agreed for him to shadow you. But me? I feel like you wish I wasn’t here,”

Rafael stayed silent for a moment, analyzing your words. Indeed, he tried to keep his distance with you, but he never thought it made you feel that way. He felt very bad about himself.

“But hey, no problem, okay? We’ve been able to make it work that way for years, there’s no reasons we can’t keep going,”

“You’re very wrong—about everything, Y/N.”

“Then what is it?” You locked your sweet blue eyes into his. For a moment, he was afraid you may see all the love he has for you in his eyes. What reasonable excuse could he tell you? His mind raced. But thankfully, the rest of the squad came back at that moment.

“Barba, Y/N. Are you interrupting?” Rollins smiled.

“Nope,” Rafael stood up right and followed Liv into her office. You watched him leave. No answer. Again.

The gift was actually from Sonny, but it wasn’t for you. It’s for Tomas, who’s now 13 years old. The father left when you told him you were pregnant (he was a bit older) and never saw him again. You raised Tom by yourself, with the full support of your parents, luckily. Your son showed up his interest in makeup and esthetic about a year ago. You completely support him in his passion, brought him whatever he needed/wanted.

Sonny went shopping with his 16 years old niece Mia during the weekend and she wanted to go to the Sephora. He asked her what he could offer to Tomas.

“Uncle Sonny. Are you trying to seduce the mother by being so nice to the son?” Mia asked with a smirk on her face.

“Okay, first, I wouldn’t need to do that. And second, it’s just that—it’s not easy to be different. I just want him to know that he can count on me,”

“Like you wished you could count on someone when you realized you were bisexual?”

Sonny looked at his niece with wide eyes. He still isn’t out to his family. How could she know? “Last year, I figured that this Sam you talked about wasn’t a she but a he. And--I’m bi, too, Uncle Sonny.”

That’s a lot to process in two minutes, while he is standing in the middle of a makeup store.

“There’s nothing wrong with that…right?” Mia added.

“Oh, of course not, sweetheart!” He immediately answered. “When did you know?”

“I was sure when I fell in love with a girl, a few months ago,” she confessed.

Sonny hugged his niece and kissed her hair. “What’s her name? I’d love to meet her,”

“Joy. And that would be nice. I’m so happy I finally told you,”

“I’ll never judge you. And I’ll always be there for you,”

In the squad, you were the only one Sonny came out to. Which makes the two of you even closer.

After the gift “incident”, you and Rafael didn’t talk again for weeks. To be fair, he was trying to avoid you. He almost confessed his feelings for you and that can’t be happening. After this, Rafael decided to call back a woman he used to see. She’s beautiful, smart, nice and wants the same things he does. Exactly what he needs.

He never wanted to talk about his personal life at work, but one day, you showed up in his office. Rafael was on the phone, his back to the door. He didn’t hear you come in, so he kept making plans with Judith. You listened, and felt your chest tightened.

Before he hung up, Rafael heard the door of his office closing. He turned around; nobody was there but he saw you walking out through the blinds. You had heard and walked away.

When Rafael told you, you were wrong about your assumptions, you thought that maybe he was feeling the same way you did. Turns out, you were wrong.

It was Tom’s 14th birthday. You helped him planned an afternoon party. He told you he invited about 10 friends.

But no one showed up. Your son didn’t feel ashamed about his passion - thanks to you and Sonny, mostly - but apparently, his “friends” didn’t like it.

“Baby, why didn’t you tell me they were bullying you? On Monday I’ll go see your principal,”

“Exactly for this. If you do this, it’s gonna be worse. Maybe I should stop,”

“Stop what? Doing something you like? Not under my watch, T. Those kids are just the reflections of their close-minded parents,”

“Yeah, but at least people show up to their birthday parties,”

It broke your heart to see your son like this. You needed to fix this. You need to see your son happy. All day, every day. You went to the bathroom and called Sonny.

“Sonny, I need you,” you said when he answered. “Short things first, those stupid kids didn’t show up to T’s party. There’s no one here. Can you come? With Mia? And Joy? I’m gonna call Liv, see if she can come with Noah,”

“I’m with Mike right now so he’ll be with me. Call Fin too, we’ll stop by Amanda’s to pick her and Jesse,”

“Okay, that’s great, thanks Sonny,”

“Of course. Tom will remember his 14th birthday I promise. Why don’t you call Barba too?”

“Why in the world would I do that?”

“It would be rude not to. Don’t you think?”

“I guess. I’ll see. Can you be there in about an hour?”

You call Liv and she agreed, same for Fin. But Sonny was right, you had to call Rafael.

“Barba,” he answered.

“Hey, it’s Y/N. Sorry to bother you on Saturday afternoon. Um—if you aren’t busy, what do you think about stopping by my son’s birthday? It’s kinda unfair, but stupid kids didn’t show up. I call everyone, they’re all coming. But hey, don’t feel obligated. You don’t have to if you don’t—“

“Okay,” he answered before you could finish your monologue.

“Okay?” You repeated.

“Yeah. When should I be there? And how old is he?”

“I said an hour to everyone. And if you’re asking his age to buy him a gift, don’t bother. Right now, all he needs is people to be there to celebrate,”

“Y/N, don’t make me argue please. How old is your son?”

“14.”

“Okay, thanks. See you in an hour then. Text me the address, please,”

“See you, Rafael,”

Rafael tried to stay calm and natural in front of Judith, but there were some many things in his head right now. Since he went to the bedroom to answer your call, he lied to the woman he was with, pretending a work emergency to leave.

You have a kid. A teenage kid, actually. A quick count made him realized you gave birth when you were 17. Many things made sense now. He needs confirmation but it seems clear that, this Tom he heard about, is actually your son, and not your boyfriend like he assumed.

How could he not know about this? You’ve been working together for almost five years now. He really kept his distance with you. But somehow, he still fell hard for you.

“Hey Liv, I got a call from Y/N. I’d like to buy a little something for her son, do you have any idea?”

“Well, do you know anything about makeup?”

“I beg your pardon?”

Liv laughed. “Where are you? I can pick you up and we stop by a store to buy him something,”

“Okay, I trust you on that.”

An hour later, everybody was there. You welcomed them as they arrived. “If he doesn’t like it, that’s on Liv,” Rafael joked as he handed you the gift he had for your son.

“Nope. That’s on that sells woman that was clearly hitting on you,” Liv interjected.

“She wasn’t— okay, she was. But not my type,”

“Yeah, and Judith probably wouldn’t like it,”

“I don’t know about that. And she doesn’t need to know anyway,” he smiled.

Tom’s mood improved when he saw Mia and Joy. You and Sonny introduced them months ago and Tomas is crazy about them.

“What happened to your face?” Mia asked and Tom frowned. “No makeup, seriously T?” She added, before taking him by the hand.

“Wait—“ you stopped them before they reached the bedroom. “Tomas, meet Mike and Rafael, first. They are the only ones you haven’t met yet,”

It made sense that Tom hadn’t met Mike yet, since he joined SVU a couple of months ago. But yeah, it stings to Rafael. Five years. And he didn’t know.

“You look like a cop,” he said Mike, “but you don’t,” he then said to Rafael.

“Cause I’m not. I’m an ADA, Assistant Dis—“

“I know what it is,” he cut him. “Thank you for coming,”

“Can we do his makeup now?” Mia called out and the three of them — adding Jesse who wanted to go too — disappeared in the bedroom for a moment.

“Thanks, guys, for showing up this quick. It’s a mess,” you sadly said. “T told me that he’s being bullied at school because he loves makeup, lets his hair grow. Apparently, they are calling him a sissy,” your jaw clenched. Rafael saw the mama bear in you. “He doesn’t want me to interfere. But maybe I should anyway,”

“You’re here for him. We all are, that’s what he needs,” Sonny said, wrapping his arm around your shoulders to bring you comfort. Rafael tried to avoid the jealousy in his belly.

Opening gifts arrived fast. Everyone brought him something, mostly makeup stuff. Sonny actually got him an appointment in a famous hair salon in Manhattan. Now that his hair is long enough, Tom mentioned wanting to get a real haircut. Mike listened to Sonny’s advices for his gift.

“This is from Nick,” Liv said as she gave Tom a gift. “He wants you to call later,”

“Mom!! That’s two tickets for California!” Tomas exclaimed before reading the note. “And he’s offering me surfing lessons! When are we going? Before—“

“Soon, my love.” You said before he could finish his sentence.

Then came Rafael’s gift. “You can return it if you don’t like,” he said. But Tom’s face lit up when he saw what it was.

“Mom!!!” He showed you the gift, with a huge grin on his face.

“Wow! You finally got it,” you returned his smile and moved a little to stand by Rafael’s side.

“Thank you so much, Rafael!” Tom stood up and hugged the ADA. Some affection Rafael didn’t expect.

“He’s been bugging me for this palette for weeks. I told him to wait because it’s damn expensive,” you whispered to Rafael.

“It’s okay. I’m glad he likes it,” he just answered.

Tomas was thrilled with all of his gifts. It feels good that with those people, he doesn’t have to hide himself, who he is and what he loves. Later, you noticed that Rafael setback from the others. You stood next to him.

“You’re not mad about the gift, are you?” He asked, before you could say anything.

“A little, to be honest,”

“I can pay for that,”

“I know. I see your clothes every day. But that’s not the point,”

“Then what is the point?”

“For the first five years of his life, I couldn’t buy him things. All the toys he had were gifts from my parents— when I made better money, I spoiled him. For years. And now, he’s a very smart teenage boy but he doesn’t necessarily have the value of money. Which I’m trying to teach him. And you showed up with this hella expensive palette, Nick got him plane tickets and surfing lessons. Even the appointment Sonny got him is expensive. That’s not helping,”

“Great,” he smiled, and you shot him a glare, “you’re not actually mad at me, but more at yourself,”

“Don’t do this. You’re not a parent, Rafael,”

“Indeed,” he took a deep breath, “And how come did I do not know you were one?”

“This will just bring us back to our convo from February, don’t you think? And we both know how it ended,”

“We were interrupted,”

“And you’ve been avoiding me ever since,”

So, you noticed that. You always noticed things. He hates that about you. He intensely looked at you, not knowing what to say exactly.

“But don’t worry, Barba, you won’t have to use force for that anymore,” you gently patted his shoulder and joined the others. “My love, do you mind if I steal your thunder for a moment?” You asked your son.

“Nope. Are you going to tell them?”

You looked at Liv for approval and signed Rafael to come closer, which he did. Everybody waited for you to talk. “I—I’m leaving SVU,” you said. There were gasps, widen eyes and Sonny choked on his beer. “Don’t die yet, Sonny. I haven’t finished,” you paused. “It’s no secret that my father was born in Sweden and move here after he fell in love with my mum,”

That, Rafael did know. You talked about your Swedish origins. “After my mum died, my father moved back there. And he’s been bugging us to come with him and considering I’ve always promised this one,” you said, playing with Austin’s hair, “that we would try to live there for a while, I’m actually taking a sabbatical. And next month, we’re flying to Sweden. But we’ll stop by California first, apparently,”

Only Liv knew. So, it came as a shock to everyone else.

The mood changed after that. They were all happy but also sad to see you and Tom leave. Mostly Sonny. It was very rare to witness a silent Sonny Carisi, but this was it. One by one, people started to leave the party. Mia and Joy took your son to the bowling alley. Rafael wanted to be the last so he could have a talk with you, but apparently, Sonny had the same thing in mind.

Rafael was helping you cleaning up the apartment when you noticed Sonny, on your small balcony. “How long has he been there?” You asked Rafael, who just raised his shoulders, clearly annoyed. You joined Sonny, not knowing that Rafael could hear everything you two were talking about.

“You okay there, Sonshine?” Sonny chuckled.

“A bit stunned, I guess.” He said, not looking at you.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I—I was afraid to tell you,”

“Why?”

“Because of what happened a few months ago. Because I’m scared to leave you. Because—I was afraid to change my mind after I told you,”

He finally looked at you. “I’ll never hold you back, Y/N. You know that? You talk so much about Sweden, so does Tom. I’m not completely surprised,”

“Under different circumstances—“ you said, letting the silence says the rest. Sonny turned to his side, so he was facing you.

“I was okay with being your second choice, Y/N, as long as you chose me. But you’re also leaving to be away from him, aren’t you?”

You nodded. “I don’t want to promise you anything, Sonny. But maybe—after that year away—“

He knew what you meant. Sonny put his hand on your cheek, softly caressing your skin with his thumb. Before he could lean in to kiss you, you both heard the balcony window opening. Rafael was standing there. “Who’s your first choice, Y/N?” He just asked. Sonny loudly sighed and turned his back to the lawyer.

“Not important, Rafael.”

“Por favor— answer me.”

“You, idiot,” Sonny muttered, still looking over Manhattan.

“Can—can you come inside for a moment, please?” Rafael asked.

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving,” Sonny said, and turned around to kiss your forehead, “Don’t make anything stupid. Call me,” he kissed your forehead again and walked past Rafael to leave.

“Great timing, Barba,” you sighed.

“I—I don’t understand,” he struggled to say.

“You may be a smart-ass lawyer but when it comes to relationships, you’re very dumb,”

“How long have you—?”

“Been in love with you? About three years. Somehow, the more you pushed me away, the more it made me fall,”

“I pushed you away only because I was scared. Scared of the things I feel for you,”

“You can’t—you can’t confess your love to me as I’m leaving the States, Rafael. That’s not fair,”

“If I don’t do it now, when am I supposed to do it? Over the phone while you’re in Sweden? Or when you come back and choose Carisi?” He paused. “Did you guys sleep together or something?”

“Definitely none of your business,” you said. “And you had five years. Five fucking years, during which all you did was making me feel like a burden for you,”

“I—I never meant to do that. I’m sorry,”

“It’s too late, Rafael. I’m leaving anyway,”

“I’ll wait for you if you ask me to,”

“I’m not. Just like I won’t ask that to Sonny,”

“Then—what? What do we do?”

“Nothing. I’m leaving with my boy in a few weeks, maybe I’ll come back next year, or maybe I won’t. And everybody goes on with their life,”

“Are you saying that I missed my shot with you?”

“Probably,”

This will be hard to swallow. Rafael probably never will, to be honest. But one thing is sure, he couldn’t miss his last chance to kiss you. He closed the gap between your bodies, and slowly put his hands on each side of your face. Since you weren’t pushing him away, he took it as a permission and leaned in to kiss you. He softly put his lips on yours. Right here, right now, on your balcony, nothing else mattered but you and him.

Things escalated quickly. The kiss got more intense, and you used force to make him step back into your apartment. Still kissing each other, Rafael slid his hands on your butt and your legs, gently squeezing to signal you to jump in his arms, which you did. He pulled away briefly, just to ask you which one was your bedroom.

He laid you down on the bed, clothes quickly fly across the room. This probably wouldn’t change a thing, but Rafael made love to you as if his life depends on it.

Indeed, it didn’t change a thing. Two weeks later, you and Tomas flew to California, spent two weeks there with Nick, before flying to Sweden.

Part two, anyone?

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