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violentvaleska · 6 months

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𝑨𝒃𝒚𝒔𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝑴𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔

ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ ʳᵉᵃˡⁱᵗʸ

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ʟᴇᴠɪ ᴀᴄᴋᴇʀᴍᴀɴ x ғᴇᴍ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: ᴛʀᴀɪɴɪɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀᴘᴛᴀɪɴ ɪs ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʙᴜᴛ ᴘᴀɪɴ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴜᴍɪʟɪᴀᴛɪᴏɴ. ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ʟᴇᴀʀɴ ɪᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴀʀᴅ ᴡᴀʏ.

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: ᴠɪᴏʟᴇɴᴄᴇ

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀs: ↫ ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜs ɴᴇxᴛ ↬

ғᴀɴғɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ

ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴏɴ ᴀᴏ3

ᴛᴀɢɢɪɴɢ: @xiernia @ajmiila02

ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴜʏs ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴏᴠᴇʟʏ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛs, ᴋᴜᴅᴏs, ʟɪᴋᴇs ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢs ᴏɴ ᴀᴏ3 ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ! ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ɪᴛ sᴏ ғᴀʀ, ʟᴇᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴅᴇᴀs <3

"Thank you for agreeing to this, Faye." Erwin Smith's voice has a sinister undertone to it, making you swallow as he and his Section Commander stare at you with intensity. You liked the name at first, thought it was pretty even, but somehow after a month you got tired of it. It doesn't really feel like it belongs to you, and the frustration of not remembering anything still haunts you. While your dreams continued with vivid images of your past, none of it was of any use to the Survey Corps.

After your recovery, still with no memories or anything else, Commander Smith decided it would be best to discuss your future plans. You knew it would come to this, they would never have let you just stay with them. You sit in his office, fingers fidgeting nervously as you give him a small smile, not in the mood to talk to him any further. You've felt shy and insecure around him lately, doubting yourself for most of your stay here. Of all the other soldiers you've met, Section Commander Mike has been the nicest to you. His weird habit of sniffing you hadn't stopped yet, but you got used to it and found it a bit funny. His subordinate Nanaba, on a good day, would show you around and tell you all about the Titans she knows. Hange Zoe, another Section Commander, was nothing but a little creepy lately. They wanted to examine you after hearing from the Captain that the Titans hadn't attacked you. You like their attitude towards the cold man, though. Speaking of which, Captain Levi avoids any form of contact with you, for which you are grateful.

"We have discussed your matter. Not only in the Survey Corps, but we also spoke to General Zackly." You have heard that name before, he surely must be in a leading position. "He thinks it would be a good idea to recruit you. We can't condemn you for something we're not even sure you've done. You have no home to return to, and so far you are in good shape." His words hit you hard, pulling you into a reality you wish you didn't have to face. You do not want to be a soldier, a puppet in the hands of these men. Erwin seems to connect the dots, furrowing his brow at your obviously desperate reaction.

"Of course we can't force you. But where are you going, Faye?" You bite your lower lip and let your eyes wander through the higher-ups. Mike gives you a thumbs up, probably to reassure you of your decision, while Hange seems giddy at the thought of you joining the regiment. Captain Levi doesn't spare you a glance, his eyes fixed on the window, a cup of tea in his hand. You notice the odd way he holds it, fingers around the rim instead of the handle. You shake your head and meet Erwin Smith's eyes again.

"I don't know." The silence is uncomfortable, you feel ashamed to be so clueless, but can they blame you? "You can always change your mind and leave the cadet corps. Your recruitment lasts three years, after which you choose a regiment". He explains casually, making you wonder what the other regiment might be like. You nod your head and straighten your posture to appear at least a little more confident. "I'm going to join the cadet corps." There is a certain edge to your voice, an uncertainty that makes Levi's gaze shoot daggers at you. The truth is, he still believes you left the safety of the walls of your own accord. How you managed to get past the guards and survive out there for so long is still a mystery to him. Sure, he can see why four-eyes is so infatuated with you, or why Mike likes to look at you for longer than necessary. You're an attractive young woman who seems to have outsmarted the titans. Having you as a soldier could be of immense benefit, which is why Erwin so desperately wants you to be his obedient subordinate. Levi observes you closely, the way you behave and carry yourself. He notices how your freshly washed hair makes you look healthier, your skin still pale from lack of sunlight. You are truly beautiful, and you draw your comrades under your mysterious spell. Male and female alike. Erwin's next words quickly snap him out of his thoughts, causing him to tear his eyes from your form.

"Levi and Mike will train you. It may take another week to clear things up with Commander Shadis. You have a lot to learn." While Section Commander Mike approves the idea with a quick smile, Levi slams his favourite china onto the table, almost breaking it in half. His tea spills over the edge and burns his fingers, but he could care less.

"There's no way I'll be in charge of her training! I've got enough to teach my own troops." The small Captain complains, anger burning in his belly. You look at him and scratch awkwardly at the back of your head. Sure, you don't want him to be your teacher either, but you wouldn't dare complain about it so openly.

"Levi, it's only for a few days. Why don't you let them train with your new cadet, Miss Hansen? I'm sure they'll get along fine." Erwin encourages, not noticing the black-haired, grumpy man rolling his eyes at him. You think it's the first time you've seen them interact like this. Captain Levi's lips form a thin line, obviously fighting with himself to control his next insults.

"Whatever." He spits, his teeth clenched as he crosses his arms in annoyance.

"Well, now that that's settled, we'll get you a place in the women's barracks and a uniform." He promises, a confident smile on his lips, while his deep eyes gaze at you with what looks like adoration for you. Shuddering at the thought, you look elsewhere, realising that this was probably all he wanted from the start; you to stay close. Your case is special after all.

━━━━━━━༺ - ༻━━━━━━━

A week later, you are bruised and beaten, your skin covered in blue marks from where the Captain struck you. You've spent most of your time training with his squad, and only had the chance to learn from Mike three times in the last few days. He is a busy man, always at the Commander's side. Captain Levi's squad is not too bad, they are good individuals and you get on best with a girl called Emma Hansen. She's seventeen, graduated from the cadet corps only a month ago, and has been under Levi's command ever since. The other members are Eld, his second in command, the twins Lars and Luca and a woman called Vanessa. She's not very talkative and stares at you like Levi. Training with them wasn't so bad if it wasn't for their Captain. He has been on your back for the past few days, putting you through a hard and unforgiving process.

You find the ODM manageable and learn that you seem to be good at it. Fighting, running and riding aren't for you. The faster your stallion, Sonne, gets, the more fear you feel. Sonne may be a sweetheart and seems to enjoy the way you stroke her head, but her speed is something you can't quite grasp yet. Running wasn't a problem at first but combined with countless rounds of parkour and chasing your new comrades, you'll soon be tired out. You hate combat. Wrestling with Emma isn't a bad thing, she's thoughtful and restrained, giving you tips on how to improve. Your other sparring partner, Luca, is a little harsher with his moves, but he would always help you up after your failures and motivate you to keep going. And then there is your Captain. It feels strange to call him that, to feel the pressure to show him respect. After being officially accepted into the military two days ago, thanks to Commander Erwin's connections, you've had to tone down your insults towards the dwarf. At first, you used to curse him whenever he tried to pin you down or make you run another lab. But now? You've heard that he likes to punish those who disobey and disrespect him, and you're certainly not going to play with his temper like that... or so you thought. Today is your last day of training with the scouts, something you've been looking forward to.

You need proper training, and while you've learned a lot from the Scouts, Captain Levi's way of teaching is simply unorthodox and mostly humiliating. In the cadet corps, you would at least be able to learn with other beginners. Erwin Smith made sure that you got a place in the southern trainee programme, exactly where Eren Yeager is supposed to be enlisted. The thought of meeting him makes you nervous, wondering if he might be the key to your lost memories. You have also seen him a few times in your dreams; a boy with brown hair and the greenest eyes you have ever seen. "Is this freedom?" He would ask no one in particular, spreading his arms with a broad smile on his innocent face. Perhaps Eren is your little brother? Or maybe a family friend. You'll find out sooner or later, you can be sure of that. While sparring with Emma, you notice someone appearing behind you, clutching your hips tightly. You instantly stop your movements, stiffening at the unfamiliar touch. Just as you're about to turn to find out who's burst your bubble, the man begins to speak, causing your cheeks to blush. Section Commander Mike towers over you, a small smile on his lips, and you look up at him in amazement.

"You're moving your hips too much. Keep them steady, it will give you an advantage." He explains, his hands guiding you into his preferred position. "Don't lean your body backwards, your opponent could easily take your balance away." With that, he moves his hands to push your back a little further forward, his touch never leaving you. This catches Levi's attention, a frown creasing his pale face.

"Oi. Stop touching her like a bitch in heat. Fucking disgusting." The captain complains and leaves Eld, his poor sparring partner, to come over to you, Mike and Emma. You glare at him, roll your eyes and mutter a "you're one to talk" under your breath. Unfortunately, the little man heard you and shoots daggers at you with his cold, stone-like orbs. Mike holds his hands up in defense, a look of annoyance on his usually calm face.

"I was just trying to teach her." He shrugs and crosses his gangly arms over his chest. "Besides, it's my duty to train her too, you know?" The Section Commander argues, but Levi is quicker to point out that he was "too busy" and had to do everything himself.

"Pf. Whatever." The blonde brushes the Captain off and turns his attention back to you. "Faye, I came to tell you that I will accompany you on your way to the southern division tomorrow." Your face instantly lights up, for you believed that the Captain would accompany you. That makes the journey seem a lot less torturous.

"Thank you, Section Commander, I really appreciate it." The way you smile warms his heart a little and he hums in appreciation. Levi scoffs at the sight, glaring at both of you before clearing his throat. "Mike, don't you have a section to lead, or something?" The taller one turns his attention back to Levi, raising his eyebrows at the man. "You want to get rid of me that fast, hugh?" He jokes, grinning at the Captain. "You interrupted our training. With all due respect, get lost." Rudely, Levi turns his attention from the Section Commander back to you and his subordinate, who has been watching their discussion with parted lips and rosy cheeks. Emma feels slightly out of place. "Of course, shorty." Mike insults, turning his attention to you and placing his big hand on your shoulder. "I'll catch up with you at dinner," he promises, leaving you alone with the Captain. Your eyes follow him for a while, confused by his kindness. Of all the people you have had to deal with, he, Nanaba and Emma have been nothing but subtle with you.

"Tch, silly girl. Stop drooling." Levi pulls you slightly out of your trance, cold eyes nagging at you, frustrating you. "I wasn't drooling. I was lost in thought." You bite back, imitating his sour expression. The way Levi treats his comrades is what you dislike most about him. Harsh, unforgiving and disciplinarian. Whenever you disrespect him, punishment follows. Cleaning, extra training or public humiliation is his way of "teaching" his subordinates. "Lost in thought? Got a death wish, idiot? If you daydream outside the walls, you are not only a danger to yourself, but to your squad as well". Feeling your hands clench at his words, your features darken. “Who said I was going outside the walls?” You ask in a provocative manner, noticing how his squad falls into silence at your question. "There are other divisions, and as a cadet I can choose my preferred division, can't I?" You feel Emma stiffen at your side as Levi approaches, stopping just in front of you. His heavy breath hits your skin and you can see that dangerous glint in his eyes, the one he has before he attacks. You know what's coming before it happens, but you're still not quick enough to move away from his outstretched hand. A yelp escapes you as he grabs your collar, pulling you closer to face him.

"Sometimes, Faye, we don't get to choose. Do you think the Commander would accept you joining the garrison, or better still the fucking MPs? You are here because you fucked up, now you have to make up for it." Spit hits your face as he hisses at you and you feel a rush of panic as he pushes you back, causing you to stumble and land on the ground, mud soaking your white trousers. "Not that you're good enough to join the military police anyway." He comments, looking down at you with disgust. Most of the other troops have stopped their training just to look at what has happened, and you are instantly ashamed. Hot, angry tears fill your eyes as you brush them away and stand up as quickly as you can. "Pathetic. Stop crying, soldier, and be a man." He turns and motions for his troops to follow him. You start to walk behind Emma when the Captain stops and looks over his shoulder, directly at you.

"Tch. Not you, brat. Get cleaned up, I can't stand looking at your filthy ass anymore."

Dinner is less strenuous. You've been starving for hours and are grateful for the steamed potatoes and fresh bread. Nothing special, but the food regulations make you feel lucky to get something at all. You decide to sit in your usual corner; away from the others and to yourself. You've been avoiding Levi since noon and don't feel like sitting with his troop. It would only lead to more humiliation for you, that's for sure. When Mike suddenly sits down on the bench opposite you, a shiver runs down your spine and you jump a little. You didn't expect him to be here so soon, he hasn't even eaten yet.

"Hey. I heard the Captain gave you a bit of a hard time. Don't take it personally, he's like that with literally everyone." He tries to reassure you, but you just cringe at the memory.

"He pushed me. Nothing big." You play it down, looking up from your plate to meet his eyes.

"So, about tomorrow. When and where should I meet you?" You ask, trying to change the subject so that Mike doesn't intrude any more. "Right. At the stables at 6 am. We should arrive around noon." He stops to take a sip from his cup of water and swallows a heavy gulp. "Make sure you pack all your things. Erwin also wants you to continue your dream journal. You should send him monthly reports." You groan and roll your eyes, not really understanding the whole dream journal thing.

"But they are useless." You remind him and cut into your potato, hoping to convince him that they are of no real help. "They are amusing, though. I can't believe you dreamt of Levi in a wheelchair. That's hilarious." He laughs a little and takes a bite of his bread, smiling at the thought of mankind's strongest being unable to walk. If that happens, they can forget about humanity. You, on the other hand, don't laugh as you swallow at the thought of this dream.

"It felt so real, though." You whisper, shaking your head in frustration, wondering what it could have meant.

"Don't worry your pretty head about it. Trust me." You smile a little, blushing as he winks at you. Mike is a flirt, attractive too. But somehow it feels like getting close to him would only bring you pain. And you were right.

#levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi fanfiction #aot fanfiction #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #levi ackerman #mike zacharias #nanaba #lynne #petra ral #mike zacharius x reader

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captain-natey · 7 months

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Doodles from the new sketchbook

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#rivetra #citrinate draws #levi x petra #aot #snk #petra ral #levi ackerman #fanart #bertholdt hoover x reader #bertholdt hoover #bertholdt x pelia #oc #aot oc #König #cod mw2 #cod mwii #patreon

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luvelylaconic · 2 months

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Rescue Them. (Levi Ackerman)

Pairings: Levi Ackerman/Reader Levi Ackerman/You Reader/Sadness

Summary: In which, you are a squad leader for the survey corps. Your team labeled "the rescue team." In lieu of levis squad, you lose yours instead.

Warnings: Heavy on the ANGST !!! 57th expedition type of angst (ifykyk), Mentions of Death, Described Death, Injury, Grief, Panic Attack, Hidden Relationship, Fluff (in terms of the captain)

Anxiety began to set in your stomach, the tensity of the expedition began to take its toll on you. You let out a sigh of built up air you kept in your lungs for far too long, looking at the backs of your team riding in the distance, the blue "star of life" emblem plastered on all of your soldiers. A subtle reminder you had the responsibility of saving many lives, adding more fuel to the fire of worries.

You then had to remind yourself that is was not ethical for a squad leader to be experiencing such emotions, you would simply let your anxieties seep into your soldiers minds, hindering their confidence and thus, their performance as well. And that could not be afforded when it was your team in particular that was the barrier between life and death for many; the rescue team- devoted to saving soldiers that are in a state of destress, threat, or danger. Saving the wounded and crippled, applying first aid and relocating them away from any possible event that has gone wrong. All of it rested in yours and your team of five, hands.

But you could not shake the trepidation that this particular expedition was causing you. It did not seem to be going right by the slightest means. Your team already had to be redirected several times, constantly seeing the hue of the flare gun color that signaled an area was in need of your help. The formation had also been breached numerous times, and the initial plan to secure the female titan had just failed.

In attempts to ease your overactive mind, you made your way to Erwin as your team continued their way towards a tree of awaiting injured soldiers that needed dire attention.

"Erwin."

He simply nodded to your voice as he continued on his horse, Hange turning their attention to you as well; a look of wary plastered. That alone did not make you feel any better.

"My team is showing signs of exhaustion. If it continues like this, I can't ensure that we will be performing the best aid.", you said in the most stern voice you could, given the commander does in the slightest, scare you. But when met with silence you added, "I need instruct-"

"I want you to join Levi's squad. Provide what remaining support you have left into Eren, we can't risk his loss.", was all the commander gave in return, adding one last bit of information, "But don't let them know your team is there. Watch from a distance and only intervene when you deem it necessary in means of protection."

Although confused, you knew better than to question his orders, in which you simply nodded and did as instructed. You halted your horse and made your way back, gathering your team and making your way to Eren's location, opting for odm gear to ensure the aspect of being concealed away.

Your team was spread out in multiple positions in attempts of causing the least amount of noise possible in one area. The plan did decently well, as your team managed its way beside the other squad, the natural noises of the forest drowning out the whirs of the odm gear.

"Captain.", you heard one of your men whisper to you, "There's an unidentified scout closer inwards towards Captain Levi's team on the left flank, they have yet to notice us but we can't guarantee they wont."

You quickly looked over to the left side to scope the area, setting your grapples towards it, "Adler, take the high ground here. I'll take care of it."

With a swift change in directions, you made your way to the rear left flank, taking notice of the scout in question that was hidden beneath the cloak. They moved quickly throughout the trees, close enough for Gunther to take notice,

He eyed the scout for awhile, trying to figure out who it was,

"Captain?", he questioned with no response, as the figure continued on as if they were ignoring him. But it quickly escalated once the cloaked figured lunged towards Gunther with their blades drawn.

It all happened so fast, but one of your men was faster than your own processing time; the one stationed below quickly shot up, pushing Gunther away as they took the slash instead.

Brenner is gone.

Without hesitation you blew your personal flare, letting your team know to regroup and to warn Erwin that a rescue has failed. You finally made your presence be known to the others, including the dangerous threat.

Gunther stared in complete shock at the dead body that shielded him from the blow, dangling from the gear wires. It quickly gathered the attention from the rest of the squad who stared with wide eyes.

While they were distracted, you made sure your flare did its duty and ascended the trees for Erwin to see, then making your way to the high ground, settling on a tall tree branch as you looked down at the area. The mysterious scout was gone, which only meant one thing.

"Captain!?", Petra yelled from afar, making her way towards you, in which you halted her,

"It's her." was all you warned in advance before hearing the noise of a titan transformation.

It all made sense now why Erwin instructed you to aid Eren. The female titan was coming for him, most likely in attempts of a bigger motive and plan you had yet to learn. But you're sure Erwin had some sense of knowing, and the commander wanted the least amount of possibility of our titan shifter in getting captured. Plus, the added factor of being hidden helped in the case of any surprise attacks.

Within a few seconds, you heard your team emerge from the trees, waiting for your instructions,

"Let the special operations squad cease the female titan. We will do what we can to safeguard and ensure the success of it"

Your team was quick to take action, surrounding the female titan from afar as the other squad began their plan to desist. You took the front, positioning yourself in the path of the female titan, ready to intervene if anything were to go wrong. But you were nearly sure you wouldn't have to, you held confidence in the other squads abilities, you had to if it meant any chance of survival.

And it was most impressive to see how well the special operation squad worked together, knowing what to do without physically saying it. A warm feeling entered your chest knowing your team worked worked in similar means. You had to push aside the grief you felt creeping into your conscious knowing one of them was gone. That was something to feel later, when this was all over.

Petra and Olou managed to take out the titans sight after slicing the eyes, collapsing her to the floor. It all was going accordingly, but something didn't feel right- the titan shouldn't have given up so easily. And when Eld went for another attack, you could feel the titan tense; she was going to counter. You propelled yourself forward in retaliation.

But another one of your team members, one that was closer in proximity, took notice too. And out of sheer possibility and chance that they happened to be positioned closer, they got there first. And they were the one to push Eld away and get mauled in half in place of you or Eld.

Astrid was gone.

Damn their keen senses.

"Fall back!", you yelled as your team, or what was left of a team, obediently listened. But the others did not, attempting to once again attack.

"I said fall back!", you reiterated in desperation as Petra and Olou when it for a duo attack, going in fast to only be met with hardened, diamond like skin. Two of yours went to retrieve them after their blades broke.

The two on your squad successfully grabbed Olou and Petra, saving them from the swat of the titans hand. But they quickly had to let go of them once the titan then took hold of their odm wires instead. Their deaths were granted quickly once they were forcefully slung into the trees.

Ansel and Adler were gone; twins who shared the same birth, died together as well.

In frustration, you made your way to the others.

"Get out of here, or we all die!", you yelled at everyone as you led yourself into the sight of the female titan, serving as a distraction. "Don't let my squad's deaths be in vain.", you added with all the seriousness you could muster, given you were on the brink of a meltdown.

After the fall of your men, the special operations seemed distraught. Especially after their many failed attempts, which rarely ever occurs. They finally seceded and withdrew, steering away from the titan.

You then grappled into the titan, swinging towards the massive body. Looking at it closely, it heavily resembled a human- a specific scout to be exact. But you disregarded that thought as you went in for an attack, only for the titan to crystalize once again.

Fuck.

As you withdrew away, you still tried your best to serve a diversion as you grappled and went in again. However, the female clearly didn't obey in your wishes as it continued to run towards the larger group, causing Petra to look back in alarm. She quickly froze in fright as she hit the ground, slowing her down and closing in the space she had to escape, close to being trampled by the titans ruthless sprint.

Without a second thought, you dived towards Petra to steer her out the deadly path, colliding harshly due to not being able to prepare for the change in direction. But not only did it hurt from the impact, you felt a sharp pain in your abdomen.

Petra still had her broken blades drawn, the jagged weapon piercing right through your stomach as you held onto her, breaking her fall onto the ground. Your head taking a hit on a nearby tree.

After that, everything was blurry. You could hear screams and then the sound of Eren transforming. But it was all muffled, like you were underwater. Your eyelids heavy, the sharp pain you felt now becoming dull.

As squad leader of the rescue team, you failed.

It all went black after.

The expedition was now days over, everything slowly turning back to normalcy as squad practice returned. But Levi still struggled.

As for the each day that passed by, only added more days to the time you had yet to awake. You were in a coma, induced by the amount of blood you lost and the severe concussion to your head.

All caused by his team and Erwin's orders.

And Levi couldn't help but hold resentment. But it was a feeling he has to attempt to keep at bay, or else it would be painfully obvious.

Obvious that he loves you, of course.

He knew the hidden relationship that you two held would be a burden and cause issues with time, only making it more difficult to conceal. But he didn't expect it to be so soon.

He had only recently gave in to his selfish desires. It was a mere two months ago where you shared a kiss and began the typical, relationship "like" status, given he was still new to everything and also had his work as a top priority. And that was also only after many years of unresolved feelings he had pushed aside, convincing himself he should rid himself of any types of feelings all together.

But he couldn't. He finally broke. He hated the thought of you seeing another man, of finally giving up on him. He hated the thought of never being able to experience all the imageries he had ashamedly had over the years. He was humanities strongest, but weak to his desires. Weak to you.

And he couldn't help but feel guilty that he made the wrong choice, that it was all his fault and he only put you in danger. That this was another form of cruel punishment after all the sins he committed during his time underground. It was Isabel and Farlan first, and now you were next. But for now, all he could do was take his anger out elsewhere.

So here he stood in Erwin's office, patronizing him once again for the orders he given that day,

"It was a bad call on your part. You knew the dangers of it and still sent out one of our most valuable teams to their deaths.", he spat. It was rare he ever stood up to Erwin, given the nature of their relationship. But in this particular case, he couldn't help it.

"My top priority was Eren. Sending that team out helped in keeping him safe, did it not?", Erwin sighed as he put his paperwork down to divert his attention to Levi, his icy blue eyes growing tired. "As for the team, I did not expect their deaths and it has served as a major blow to the Survey Corps. But their deaths were not in vain, I can guarantee that. They served their purpose."

Thinking over Erwin's words, he thought back to the day of the expedition. Seeing the flare color meant for warning of a failed rescue set off near the area his team was at, he knew then something had to have gone absolutely wrong, and he was only reassured of it when hearing Eren transform shortly after. It brought back a feeling of grief he hoped to have never felt again, but he was not granted such luxuries it seems.

And it was you that payed the price. Your team gone, only to be met with life trying to escape your grasp as well.

Erwin stared down Levi, knowing he was in thought. His eyes scanning all the subtle hints that only added to his notion. The commander was attentive, and surely far from dumb, so he was well aware of the relation between his two squad leaders. For he had a guilty pleasure in watching it play out, feeling a little ounce of joy for them. But he was also a military commander above all;

"Look, Levi. I am aware you may have certain... extended feelings towards this. I have turned a blind eye for now since I see no reason to interfere. But do not let it come in between work and the reality of this. You are a soldier as well."

Levi knew he was right. He had to accept the nature of this job, which in turn was the nature of your job as well. You were strong, smart, and a natural born leader that he had rarely had doubts about or reservations about your performance. But some things were simply out of his control- or anyones, for that matter.

So with a last sigh of defeat and perhaps annoyance, he exited the office without another word, making his way to his team's training ground where they all waited for his appearance. He was late, minutes late, which was severely out of character for him. He would typically be the one to scold any of his soldiers that dared to be any form of late.

But he dreaded seeing his team. Usually, the first training after an expedition was dedicated to rigorous formation practice and conditioning. This time however, all he had ready was his overwhelming amount of emotions that threatened to flood out his stoic damn he built.

So when he came into view, he didn't bother staring at them, but rather took interest in the open field beside them. Memories came quickly.

The silence broke,

"Captain, i'm sorry for our failure as a team and the consequences it brought others. I ensure you we will work hard to make sure it never happens again.", Petra said with shaky voice. Guilt riddled the pure heart of hers, weighing down on her for days. Especially knowing the very one that saved her life, might lose theirs in return.

But those words didn't make him feel any better. Levi was about to snap at them; saying every crude, hurtful, thing that he could think of. To pour out all the disappointment he had felt, hoping it would hurt them in any sort of capacity in comparison to what he felt. But he hesitated.

Only because he knew what you would think of it. You were constantly looking out for people, nurturing their spirits and well being, even if your job for the day was far from over. He knew you wouldn't want him to punish his team- that you had no regrets and willingly saved their lives because you simply wanted to.

So he bit his tongue.

And it seems that him doing something positive for once, finally blessed him in return.

Hange came running, stumbling upon their own feet. With their last ounce of breath they could muster, they spoke,

"Levi, she's awake."

- You woke up a daze, a headache instantly assaulting your mind. It only got worse after Hange screamed at your awakening, rambling some incoherent words before running out the building.

After your eyes finally took focus, you looked around. You were in a treatment room. Flowers and cards covering any spot of counter or bedside space.

Oh, right.

You attempted to get up, only to be meant with restraints. Multiple IV's were punctured into your arm, your whole mid section covered in a tight gauze. It was only then did you feel the stabbing pain in your stomach, and the slight itch the presumed stitches left.

Everything felt confining, frustration irked you.

Your head jolted to the door after hearing multiple footsteps on the creaky, wooden floor of the medical ward. You hoped one of them belonged to him, only then you would feel better.

The door then opened and you were greeted by the entirety of the special operations squad, but your eyes only quickly found the steel grey ones, looking back at you with concern. The frustrations you felt earlier, dissipated.

But as you then slowly met the eyes of every other soldier, sorrow suddenly hit. Seeing their faces only warped and reminded you of the ones you lost. And there was one missing-

"Amelia?", you questioned, but instantly knew your answer when all of the faces downturned.

"Baker, Amelia, died by titan upon trying to rescue Eren after being captured. The time they served fighting abled Captain Levi and Mikasa to reach the area in due time and successfully return him.", Gunther, whom rarely every talks, stated.

You couldn't stop the tears. Although you were happy to protect and rescue arguably the most important people of the survey corps, you still can't help but feel you completely failed as a squad leader.

You always engraved it into your squads minds that they had the important role of rescuing people, to take pride in it and feel accomplished over the countless lives saved. But what you failed to realize, even after three years of being a captain... who was there to rescue them?

How tragically comedic and ironic; nobody rescued the rescue team.

And you couldn't help but feel like it was all your fault. Why did you happen to survive and not anyone else? Did you not try enough in comparison? Why didn't you do more to save them?

As the pondering to yourself continued, your surroundings soon began to close in, not even taking into account the other people in the room.

Your breathing quickened.

Your heart rate escalated.

A ringing began to evade your ears.

But just as fast as it came, it all stopped.

Since it all seemed to ease when you felt a calloused hand softly hold the side of your cheek, deterring your attention and self punishment away from yourself and onto the touch instead. The smell of tea leaves and lavender soon hitting your nose.

It was Levi.

Upon the realization, you subconsciously melted into his touch, breathing in his scent. It all managed to dwindle down the panic within you, especially after looking into the eyes you so desperately wanted to see again, his eyes met yours in return.

You then left his gaze and quickly looked around you, hoping nobody saw your moment of affection with him, risking getting caught. But he seemed to read your worries instantly,

"I had them leave."

With a nod you leaned back into him, letting his hand find your face again,

"I wouldn't have cared regardless.", he added, before turning your face back to his, "I hope you never do any dumb shit like that ever again."

You simply smiled, knowing this is the way Levi showed he cared. After years of being infatuated with this man, you came to appreciate the words he did spare, even if they didn't come off the most kind. You wouldn't have it any other way.

You moved over on the tiny cot, making just enough room for Levi to sit against the bed. And with a slight wince, you sat yourself up as well. Sitting beside him, enjoying his presence in companion with silence.

For that is all you needed at this given moment; just his presence. You would greedily take more when you felt better, when the time was right.

Time heals, in a multitude of ways.

It was the next day, the night slowly creeping in, the natural light the sun graced is long gone. You lit a candlestick to substitute.

Levi has been in your company majority of yesterday and today. Even taking the risk of sleeping overnight in the chair adjacent from you, much to your surprise. With the exclusion of his morning meeting with Erwin and training with his team, he had been there.

He had now long gone for supper with his team, promising to bring back more appetizing food than the one given at the ward. As you impatiently waited, you began going through the many gifts left to you from the others, hoping to have time pass by a tad faster.

There were many notes from others, wishing you "Get Well's" and giving condolences. And although you were very much struggling with the reality that your team was gone, it seemed to truly help reading all the kind messages.

You were also left tons of flowers of various colors and scents, adding more of a lively nature to the otherwise bleak room. And deep down you knew that the one hand picked bouquet of your favorite flowers, neatly bundled in twine, was from none other than Levi. Even if he refused to admit it.

But as you were nearing the end of your gifts, you took notice that the biggest one of them all - most definitely from a costly flower shop in an expensive vase, had a note tucked away in the bushel of it. You took it out.

Dear, Name

I am in writing in hopes that I hopefully alleviate even an ounce of grief you may hold. For I am forever in debt to you, as your brave and caring soul saved my life.

I am sincerely sorry for the loss of your team. I will forever hold that weight on my shoulders as deserved. But it will never compare to yours. However, you are strong and I have no doubts you will persevere.

But overall, thank you for the altruism you demonstrated that day, along with your team. The special operation team is forever grateful, even if all of us may not directly show it. We all care in our own ways.

Especially Levi. Although I had my suspicions, everyone was dealt a great surprise in his reaction to your state. After his retrieval of Eren, he was quick to find his way to you. I was of course by your side, never leaving it after the fall. I had used my cape in attempts to stop the bleeding.

But the second he got there, you were out of my care and fully in his. He would not leave you out his sight, even when the person medically aiding you made a sly comment about him being in the way, he quickly dismissed it after the glare Levi had given.

And as we were being trailed by titans on the way back, he refused to let them dispose of your teams' bodies in attempts to make the cart lighter. He knew how much care you had for them, and the importance you hold in bringing back bodies to their families, knowing you rescue even the dead if it meant the family would cope better.

I know you already know this - but take it from a member of his squad that has served him for years. I have never once seen him demonstrate this level of care for anyone else. And I think that speaks for itself.

I added this story in hopes to brighten your mood once again, knowing Levi would never tell you this himself. And please, never hesitate to ask anything of me. I owe it to you, and the memory of your team. Each individual member holds a place in my heart.

With much love, Petra Ral.

#attack on titan #levi ackerman #levi aot #levi ackerman x reader #angst #death #levi x you #cannon divergence #fluff #trauma coping #special operations #petra ral #reader insert #attack on titan fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin

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i-live-in-a-fantasy-daydream · 2 months

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I want to write a fan-fiction, but before I can start writing I have to have these answers, please. I want my character to have lifelike reactions and I want this story to be as accurate as possible.

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astraeusasta · 4 months

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We're One In The Same!

Eren Jaeger x TitanShifter!Reader TW - Mentions of Blood, Gendered Terms (Fem). Word Count - 3.8k words Type of oneshot - Fluff/Angst

You were about to be eaten by a Titan when you suddenly remembered your purpose in life. Everything became clear to you. Though, you had a certain someone experiencing the same thing as you. Someone who seemed to keep a close eye on you. Eren Jaeger...

The smell of blood filled your senses. The crimson red liquid smeared across your face as you watched your comrades get eaten. One by one. All of them being torn and ripped to shreds. Clenching your fists tight as salty tears trickled down your cheeks. Your leg was definitely broken, freezing you in place as the Titans ran towards you. You knew it was your time, it wasn’t like your mobility gear was working anyhow. Though, just as you’d thought giving up was an option, something clicked in your mind. All those people…your friends and family. If you didn’t stand to fight, then who would. For a moment, you could recall someone speaking to you. The words of someone who believed you were humanities hope.

“You must live to serve your purpose. As a gleam of hope for humanity!” The familiar voice spoke out to you. When was this again? Your brain wracked, slowly you began to remember. The pain in your leg became more and more vivid. Staring daggers into the enemy, the Titans. You could feel an almost electrical current surging through your body - before your vision was blocked by a blinding yellow light. Everything faded out, your body going numb. Fog clouding your mind and judgement.

You woke up in a familiar room, your bedroom. The white curtains blown by the wind of a summer's day - the smell of newly cut grass and sound of flowing water clouding your senses. The laughter of your younger siblings began to sound like a song from angels, a warmth you hadn’t felt in a while conquering over your body. A soft whisper of the wind as you began to lift yourself from your bed. Groggily stumbling towards the door. Turning the knob and walking down the creaky stairs. Meeting your eyes as you reached the bottom were your mothers, her emerald eyes seemed to sparkle as she saw you. A small sigh escaped her mouth.

“You were the last one awake today, sweetie..” She spoke to you in a teasing manner, a light tilt to her voice that you so dearly missed. A hand reaching to pat you on the head gently messing up your bed head even more. You giggled lightly at your mothers antics. “Oh yeah, what do I get?” You replied, your mother burst into a loud chuckle. “Cold breakfast!” She snarled back still having that gentle tilt to her voice - Her brows furrowed lightly with a smirk placed on her lips. You laughed along with her. Your smile is bright and wide.

After eating your now cold breakfast, you headed out to the square. Slinging your red backpack over one shoulder and waving goodbye to your mother. Eventually reaching the open square - the daily markets full with life as other kids your age ran around chasing each other. A wave of deja-vu hit you, you’d been here before. Pausing for a moment before brushing the feeling away you met up with the owner of a small jewellery stall - eyes glowing as you looked at all the pretty designs people could make out of small thin strips of metal and gemstones. You weren’t given much allowance but as your eyes scanned the table of contents. Your eyes spotted a small threaded bracelet with blue and white strings intertwining - It was just in your price range. You had to get it, no you needed to get it. So you did.

The joy you felt when the lady put the bracelet on your wrist was euphoric, the way it blended and meshed with your skin tone in the glaze of the hot sun made you feel even more confident in yourself to get through the day. Suddenly, a wave of nausea hit as the aching feeling that you’d been here before began to sink in. You really had been here before…were you reminiscing. Was your life flashing before your eyes? No you were alive, you knew that much.

You turned around, seeing a large titans face peering over the top of the wall. The world around you melting into a crimson red colour - the feeling of a liquid trickling from your hands. What was happening? This isn’t how the memory goes. Abruptly, sharp pains began to appear all over your body. It felt as if you were being eaten alive and maybe you were. Your eyes shot open. Peering over you was a very familiar face. The fog in your mind slowly fading as the sound of their voice began to become clearer. Eren Jaeger. He was calling out to you.

“___!! Can you hear me? Come on, get up!!” He sounded panicked, should you have been panicked too? You were too weak to tell…your eyes felt droopy, like you could fall asleep at any moment. The feeling of a hand on your cheek gave you a warm feeling in your chest, that fluttery feeling in your stomach. All before it faded to black.

Once again, a light filled your vision. This time when you woke however, you were not in a familiar place. It was a little cold and when you tried to move, sharp pains pierced through your body along with the sound of rattling chains. ‘Wait…Chains?’ You thought as you looked around the stone room. Your eyes widened, your body shaking before you began to pull against the chains.

“Where am I?” You spoke out, lacing your words with slight venom as you spoke. You could see two people standing off to the side - talking to someone so it seemed. You repeat yourself, this time a little louder.

“Where am I!” It wasn’t a question anymore, more of a demand for the answer. The blonde guy turned to look at you. You shot daggers into his eyes, as he turned fully you realised who it was. Commander Erwin of the Survey Corps. You relaxed a little, though tilting your head as if to imply you still wanted that answer. Even so, he turned back to the other person - Ignoring you completely. You wanted to shout once more but after thinking it through a bit more, you realised how dumb of an idea that’d be. So you kept quiet. As the situation sank in, the conversation from the other side of the wall could be heard; Along with who they were talking too. Once again, Eren Jaeger seemed to be the one you could hear. As you listened, you gathered that both you and Jaeger had turned into Titans. It was unbelievable, you didn’t even remember doing that. Even then, that entire day was a fuzzy haze in the back of your mind - You could only remember the nice dream you had before waking up to Eren calling to you.

“I will kill them all.” Jaeger proclaimed, his voice hoarse and deep. Anger and Hatred clinging to every word, you could tell he meant it. After a few more quips from Erwin and another man they began to walk your way. You clenched your fists, looking up at them with slight daggers in your eyes. A burning fire of frustration and confusion.

“___ ___. Do you remember what happened to you?” Commander Erwin spoke, his voice very deep although it had a small warmth to it that felt a little easing. You shook your head in response “No sir, I do not. The last thing I remember was the pain in my leg and a bright flash of yellow. Then I had a strange dream…no it was more of a flashback or memory. It’s still a little hazy.” You spoke earnestly. The two glanced at each other then nodded.“From the reports of those who had seen. You turned into a 15 metre Titan and just like Jaeger had begun to kill all Titans in your path. Both you and Jaeger lost consciousness after returning to your regular forms. There will be a trial held later today on what regiment should take the two of you on. The Scouts or the Military Police.” It took you a moment to understand the true danger your life was in at this moment in time. Eyes wide and mouth slightly agape, shock filled your senses. You rattled against the chains, bringing your hands into your lap. Suddenly, the shorter guy spoke. As he began to speak, you recognized him too. Captain Levi of the Survey Corps.

“I only have one question. What are your intentions?” What are your intentions? You thought that was an odd question to ask especially since you’d been through training. Obviously you wanted to be a helpful member of humanity. You wanted to join the Scouts.

“My intention? My intention is to join the scouts. To avenge those who fell to the two devils five years ago and to avenge those who died to the vermin they brought with them.” You spat, furrowing your brows and lowering your head. A satisfied huff escaped Captain Levi and with that, they left.

The trial went by in a dizzy haze, screaming and shouting - arguments and insults galore. You didn’t get a chance to say anything of your own, not with the amount others had to say for you and in your defence. It was all too overwhelming - You had only just learned you were Titan possibly a day or two ago and it was all people could see you for. It didn’t feel right and you didn’t think it ever would. Confused is all you felt. The prejudice of the Military Police never ceased to amaze you in the slightest.

As you walked towards a stable of horses, you noticed someone's eyes had been on you the entire way here. You had also noticed you’d been scowling at your shoes - maybe that was why Eren was so focussed on you.

“You’re not alone here.” He spoke delicately. As if, if he spoke with any more force you’d both shatter into pieces. The words stuck out to you. Right, he was in the boat. You weren’t alone. “Thank you, Eren. I really appreciate those words!” You tried to channel some optimism into your voice. Though, you could tell he wasn’t convinced by your attempt. “It’s okay to be overwhelmed. I understand it. But I can tell, things are only going to get better from here.” He flashed you a gentle smile, it was genuine and warm. You couldn’t help but give him one back.

Even though your leg had healed, it was still a little sore and getting on your horse had proven to be a challenge. You looked around at your new comrades for help - Bozado looked your way but snickered and got on his own horse. That stung. After none of them bothered you continued to attempt yourself, making strained sounds as you struggled to get your legs over. But then you felt a hand on your calf and one on your back, lifting you up onto your horse. Looking down you noticed it was Eren. He nodded to you, another one of his charming smiles flashing at you.

“Thank you..” You were a little embarrassed, he had helped you a lot within these past two days. A warmth spread across your cheeks as you looked at him. “Yeah, don’t mention it!” He brushed it off, giving you a bit of a goofier smile before getting on his own horse. Captain Levi began to speak up.

“Let’s get moving. We should be there before dusk.” He sounded cold and distant, a little cut throat too. Though you chose to ignore that, tapping the side of your horse's rear with your boot. As you travelled you had the odd conversation with Eren, each being rather interesting.

“You know, during cadet training. I thought you were going to be like Annie. Distant but strong. I only got one of those wrong. You’re not distant, you’re just shy. There’s nothing wrong with that of course, I think it’s endearing!” Towards the end of his small ramble, he began to speed up his words. A nervous chuckle escaping his mouth. You couldn’t help but snicker at him with a smile. You weren’t sure if he felt it too, but even during training camp when you were put together for training - there was a connection. Something almost electric. You hadn’t paid much mind to him during ODM training, but when it came to hand to hand combat is where you really paid attention. He learned quickly, he was dedicated and really cared about doing well. He always jumped to other peoples rescue, even putting himself at risk to regain the Trost District. At first you believed you simply admired him, but after speaking with him today - You couldn’t help but think it was something more.

“So you were watching me during training?” You teased, watching as his cheeks flushed a deep shade of red. Averting his eyes to look straight forward. You continued to speak. “I admired you a lot during Cadet Training, you were determined to succeed. You always worked hard. I thought you could do wild things at times, but you always jumped to people's rescue. Even if it’d cost you your own life. I undoubtedly was definitely too shy to approach you, but now we’re in similar situations - I feel more at ease.” The words coming out of your mouth felt unreal, were you really saying that to him? You questioned yourself in your brain.

His eyes widened as he looked at you, he was taken aback by your words - his mouth opened a little. Eventually, he caught his words. Speaking softly. “Now who was the one watching who?” He smirked, you made an ‘Oh’ shape with your mouth. Giving him a sarcastic ‘How dare you’ look before giggling lightly at him - after a few seconds he joined in. You were glad you could both joke around in a situation like this.

In fact, you were glad you weren’t alone.

Finally, You and the Levi Squad had arrived at the new scout headquarters. Looking around at the place, you realised it was a castle. A run down castle, but a castle nonetheless. You gently dropped yourself off of your horse. Eren looked at you worriedly. Opening his mouth to say something to you before closing it and turning away. Walking onwards towards the stables. Gently moving your horse into its new home, giving it a gentle rub on the snout before turning to the rest of the squad. When you looked at the squad’s faces, you noticed they didn’t seem to look your or Eren’s way for long periods of time. Often avoiding eye contact if they were talking to you. But they still kept an affable feel when they conversed, it was obvious they didn’t want you to notice their discomfort around you. Fiddling with their sleeves or jacket, gripping to anything they held in their hands. Prepared at any moment to strike you down. Your heart felt heavy at that realisation. When you looked at Eren, you realised he hadn’t noticed this fact yet or the fact you two were just seen as enemies at all. You couldn’t fault the squad for being cautious of you both, but it felt they had no faith at all.

“This place needs to be cleaned, it’s filthy.” You could hear Levi speak in the distance. You couldn’t say you disagreed with the old man's statement. Even in the stables you felt you were inhaling far too much asbestos for it to be good for your health. In the end, you and Eren were assigned to clean the second floor on your own. It almost seemed purposeful to put you two alone together, like fate had touched the strings of your life in that moment. It seemed to enjoy doing that to you. Eren and you had decided to work on the same room so it’d get done twice as fast and then move to the hallways - Starting from the end and then moving towards the stairs to prevent tracking dirt. It was a fool proof plan to the both of you.

For the most part, cleaning the first room was a silent endeavour. The silence was affable and comfortable and every so often you’d sneak a glance at Eren from across the room, hoping he wouldn’t notice the way your face softened when you saw him. The way your pupils dilated and your breathing picked up its pace in the hopes of catching up to your heart. You wondered how long you’d been convincing yourself that you’d only admired him, in a way it felt like you’d had interest in him all along. But at the same time it felt like it’d only just taken its shape. It was confusing but also reassuring. No matter what, you knew these feelings were true. Your thoughts were cut short as his eyes met yours, the eyes that were now wide open. Your cheeks flushed as you quickly whipped your head around to begin sweeping the floor again. A small chuckle erupting from the boy across the room, his laugh sent the butterflies in your stomach wild.

“You really do enjoy watching me, huh?” He teased, his voice seemed a lot closer than it should have been. You turned to check and he was now quite close to you. There was a good two foot gap between you and him. His eyes staring deeply into yours as he took steps closer to you. You gulped before speaking up once more. “And what if I do? What’re you going to do about it?” You snarked, raising one of your brows. A tilt in your voice to give it that more innocent feel. The smirk on his face only seemed to grow wider when you spoke, getting closer and closer until you were backed up against a bookcase in the room. The tension in the room was high and now you understood that it wasn’t just you who felt it. His voice spoke in a more hushed tone, leaning in towards your face. “Do you want me to do something about it?” You knew he was asking for your consent in this situation. You nodded your head, your heart pounding in your chest. Emotions were all over the place and it was all happening so fast. His hand hit against the bookcase, maybe a little too hard. As just as he was leaning in, a book slid off of the top of the shelf. Hitting him straight on the head. The sound of it as it dropped to the floor after slamming into his skull was oddly amusing - Especially with the tension that had previously surrounded the room. You burst out into a fit of laughter and after wallowing in his own embarrassment and cracked pride he laughed along with you.

“We should get back to work. Before Levi knocks the shit out of you again.” You sighed as you came down from your high of laughter, a small chuckled response coming from your joke at the end. “Yeah…we should.” Eren replied, the atmosphere tensing once again. This time not with that electric tension that made your body feel like it was on a high of its own. A tension that felt awkward and dry. Moreso you had both just embarrassed yourselves in front of one another, one caught staring and the other the victim of a falling book. It had sunk in more as you continued your work on the rooms. Finishing the work didn’t take long and eventually you both felt the second floor was spotless. Giving each other a reassuring nod, you headed down to Levi to inform him of your achievement. You gently knocked on the door of the open room he was cleaning - Wanting to be as polite as possible. After seeing him turn around to face the both of you, you began to speak it up.

“Captain, we finished the second floor!” You exclaimed, holding your head high. The small man nodded before heading towards the second floor. Both you and Eren sighed and looked around the room you were in. Then you heard a woman's voice from behind you. A small little giggle followed by the sound of a sweeping brush. “You two are really close, no?” She asked, though in a way that showed she knew the answer to the question already. You whipped your head around to the voice, a little spooked. “Well..uh..we haven’t really talked much until recently.” Eren blurted before you had the chance to speak. A nervous tone to his voice as he averted his eyes from the woman in front of you both, who you noticed was Petra. “If you say so.” She shrugs, looking towards you and giving a small wink. Despite her dismissal she didn’t seem convinced and continued to smirk at Eren, whose face was slightly flushed pink.

“Not acceptable.” You heard from the hallway. As the voice turned to the corner it was Levi. Petra instinctively went back to sweeping the floor. You and Eren shared a small look before Levi started speaking again. “Do it again.” His cold and sharp words ripped through you, sending a small shiver as you walked past. You both headed back up the stairs, the awkwardness still tainted the atmosphere around you both. This was going to be a long day.

The silence of the first room being cleaned was incredibly suffocating. Once again, you were back to glancing at the brunette. He looked so troubled yet so peaceful. Like something was on his mind but he refused to express what it was. Lost in thought as he cleaned the same spot repeatedly. Slowly, you began to hear a light mumbling coming from the other side of the room. The sound is oddly soothing. Yet it raised so many questions that began to teeter at your conscience. You kept looking at him, trying to decipher the words he uttered under his breath. Eventually, his eyes met yours again and he realised what he was doing. Rubbing the back of his neck with a light unstable chuckle.

“Talking to yourself?” You teased, he looked at you. His face turned into a serious expression, one you’d only ever seen when he went on one of his justice rants. You matched the face with your own. He seemed to mull over his thoughts, looking at the floor before looking back at you. A softer look in his eye than previously shown. “I think I was lost in thought, did it bother you?” He asked, a slight tilt to his head as he looked at you. “Not really, it was rather soothing actually!” You admitted, watching his eyes widen and his head whip to the side. A laugh erupting from your mouth as he scratched the back of his neck once more. You were going to enjoy the ability to tease him more often now the both of you were sleeping a stone wall away…

#attack on titan #one shot #eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger #titan shifters #fluff #light angst #eren aot #aot #levi ackerman #petra ral #Erwin Smith

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roseofdarknessblog · 1 year

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Humanity's strongest, loveliest, and tiniest (Levi Ackerman x Reader) » Part II

Word count: 5 560

Disclaimer: english is not my first language, I apologize in advance for any mistakes

Part I

Humanity's strongest, loveliest, and tiniest (Part II)

After that night, days went by pretty quickly.

The next morning you found out what happened – the Scouts got surrounded by an unusually large horde of Abnormal Titans. Too many of them lost their lives in an attempt to defeat the enemy. After that, Erwin gave the order to retreat. A lot of soldiers were badly wounded, and continuing the expedition would end up killing them.

Everyone was devastated because the preparations for this expedition went on for weeks, even months. And now everything was in pieces. Even Erwin kept to himself for a day or two, not talking to anyone and mostly staying in his office. It made you worry, but reaching out to him did nothing. He needed to work his way through all of that alone.

Levi seemed to be fine the morning after. Well... mostly. He didn’t talk to you about what happened, but that wasn’t that unusual. You just had to wait until he was ready to open up or ask for help. Or just let the entire thing go completely.

„Are you planning to stay in bed all day?“ he asked one morning after you didn’t show any interest in getting up.

Your health wasn’t the best for the last couple of days. Fatigue, moodiness, almost extreme food aversion, dizziness, nausea, and frequent vomiting kept you company every single day. You’ve never felt this sick and weak. Never in your entire life. Because of that, it was almost impossible to keep it from Levi. But you tried anyway and hoped that the loads of work he had to face every day would keep him occupied until you get better.

„Not all day, just a few more minutes. I barely slept all night, couldn’t get comfortable.“

„I know, I didn’t sleep much either.“

You outstretched your hand towards him, putting a lot of almost nonexistent energy into a small smile. „Why don’t you come and lay down for a bit? Work can wait, it’s still pretty early, Erwin will understand.“

„You know I hate just lying around.“

„I know, but you need to rest, Levi. You are working long hours every day and after that last expedition... I just worry about you, that’s all. You’re being too hard on yourself.“

That night still haunted you. His bloodied uniform and torn cloak, him collapsing right there in front of you, the still healing cut under his eye. From what you heard it was a miracle he made it back that day. And that made you feel horrendously sick while you cried your eyes out for long hours during the times he wasn’t around. Because how could you ever again live in a world without him?

„My work keeps me sane, love. I need to do something or I’ll go crazy.“

„You could just spend the time with me,“ you teased your husband, still waiting for him to come closer and take your hand. „What if we left the HQ for a couple of days?“

„What do you mean?“ he asked and came closer, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Levi gently took your hand and brushed his thumb over your wedding band. It was a small gesture he did quite often. As if he still couldn’t believe you were his wife.

„We both could use a vacation somewhere quiet. The next expedition won’t be happening anytime soon, we should use this time wisely.“

The little smirk on his lips surprised you. But in a good way, his eyes always lit up a little when the corners of his mouth curled upwards. „That sounds lovely if I’m being honest. We didn’t have proper time off since our wedding. And that was a long time ago.“

„We should go up to the mountains again.“

„To the cabin, we spent our honeymoon in?“ You nodded, biting your lower lip playfully and squeezing his hand lovingly.

Memories of your honeymoon were some of the best you had. It felt like you and Levi were living a totally different life for those couple of days. All your worries melted away the second he put the wedding band on your finger. Suddenly, you had everything you ever wished for. And even more.

„Should I ask Erwin for permission?“

„If you don’t mind...“

„No, of course not. I’ll do anything for you to be happy.“ Another tiny smile settled on his lips as he leaned closer and kissed you. This was the true Levi Ackerman. A loving and caring man. A brilliant husband. „I’ll talk to him later, okay?“

„Okay.“

He was about to get up, but you quickly grabbed both of his wrists and pulled him back to bed. His disagreeing growl made you laugh before you found his lips again and shut him up in the most gentle and loving way. He stayed for a couple of minutes, held you tight against his chest, and made your morning sickness a little more bearable.

You slowly got dressed after he left for Erwin’s office and got ready for the day. The morning training was almost over, but you just couldn’t be bothered to go. You were sure Hange will understand.

„Good morning,“ you said to Petra with a bright smile when the two of you met at the HQ courtyard. All of your closest friends thankfully made it back from the tragically failed expedition. With a couple of scratches and injuries, but still. They were alive and safe, that mattered the most.

„Good morning, it’s so good to see you again,“ she replied happily and draped her jacket over her small shoulders. „Are you feeling better?“

„Yeah, a lot better,“ you lied. The two of you haven’t seen each other since the expedition, but since Petra was in your husband’s squad, she knew about some more personal things. You trusted her, she was one of your closest friends for a couple of years now. Even before the relationship between you and Levi got serious. „It was nothing, just nerves, and tiredness.“

„You can be just as stubborn as Levi, both of you should learn how to relax.“

„It’s too late for that, I’m afraid,“ you laughed a bit nervously, looking over her shoulder. Moblit was talking to some cadets just a few feet away. „Can we meet up later? For tea, maybe? I have to talk to my brother now.“ You nodded in his direction.

„Yeah, sure. We should finally sit down and catch up.“

„Great... around five, maybe?“ Petra eagerly nodded, gave you a quick hug, and went her own way. You felt bad about lying to her but had zero energy to talk about what was really going on. What you really needed was to talk to your brother and then to Hange.

Moblit saw you walking his way, quickly ended his chat with the cadets, and turned his full attention to you. „Good morning, beautiful,“ he said with a huge smile on his face, opening his arms so you could slip into his embrace.

„Hey, good morning.“

„Don’t take it the wrong way, but you look awfully pale. Have you seen that doctor yet?“

You shook your head and wrapped your arms around him. „I didn’t sleep well,“ you mumbled into his shoulder and closed your eyes for a few seconds. It felt so good to lean against him and not have to carry your own body weight. „That’s why I skipped morning training. I hope Hange is not angry with me.“

„You weren’t the only one, don’t worry. Everyone is still shaken about what happened, a lot of people mourn their friends or are still recovering.“

„I’m really glad you and Hange had to escort me back that day, I can’t imagine...“ You couldn’t even finish that sentence.

Thinking about your younger brother or your best friend getting hurt made your stomach twist. Yes, being in the Survey corps came with a lot of danger and even more death. But you promised yourself that you would always protect those closest to you. Even if it meant sacrificing your own life to save theirs.

„Don’t think about that now,“ he said rubbing your back.

„It’s pointless I know, but... you didn’t see Levi when he came back that night. He never looked so devastated, I was seriously thinking that he was the only one who made it back.“

That expedition was a huge blow to the whole Scouting regiment. Nothing as gruesome happened in a long time. Yes, all expeditions beyond the Wall brought a few casualties, but this was something else. Something much worse. Almost half of the Scouts died that day. And that took a heavy toll on all of you.

„Be glad that he came back unharmed, and leave it be, please.“

You nodded, lifted your head, and kissed his cheek. „The other day you said something about going to the city library, right?“ you finally asked what you wanted to discuss with him. „If you’re still going, could you pick me up a couple of books?“ With a sweet and innocent smile, you pulled out a folded piece of paper from the back pocket of your pants. „I will be eternally grateful.“

Going that far was beyond your measures right now and since Moblit was always eager to help you with anything, you sometimes took advantage of it. But did the same in return when it was he, who needed a little help with something.

„If that’s all you need...“ he laughed and took the piece of paper from your hand. „I’ll get them, don’t worry. But maybe not today.“

„That’s fine,“ you assured him. „Thank you.“

„Anything for you.“

You exchanged a couple of more words as he walked you to your Squad leader’s office but then left to tend to his own responsibilities. Shear panic was spreading all over your body as you knocked on the door and waited for Hange to permit you to come in. You needed to talk to her for a couple of days now but kept putting it off.

But you were so tired of keeping secrets from Levi. It wasn’t fair, he trusted you and shared everything with you. And if your suspicions were true...

„Hey, do you have a minute?“ you asked your best friend and closed the door. Hange’s office was always a mess, but today especially. Science papers, mission reports, and various similar things were tossed all around the place. You couldn’t even see her desk under all those files.

„Yeah, just a second. Sit down until then, I’ll be right with you.“

„Sure...“ you said hesitantly and scanned the office with your eyes once more. There was no place to sit down, so you leaned your back against the door and crossed your arms. You still felt awful, waves of nausea coming and going every other second, while your head hurt like hell.

Hange was running around for a bit, mumbling under her breath and unsuccessfully searching for some papers she didn’t find in the end. For a short while it looked like she forgot about you, but then shot you a bright smile and hopped on top of her table, sitting down right on her papers.

„I’m all yours now, what’s up?“ she asked and took off her glasses for a short while, rubbing her eyes.

You took a deep breath, feeling your heart pound in your chest. Nothing was sure yet, but a lot of things started to come together. Even more when you thought about the last couple of weeks as a whole.

„I think...“ you said, but stopped almost immediately. You knew Hange was the right person to talk to about something like this. There was no one you trusted more. No other friend, to be precise. „I think I might be pregnant.“

Hange first laughed at your words, but when she saw the serious look on your face, her smile vanished. There was nothing to smile or laugh about, not if your suspicions were true.

„I’m not sure, but I’m... I’m really scared. Like really, really scared, Hange.“

You and Levi haven’t talked about starting a family. Not seriously. The topic of having kids came up a couple of times, but both of you just brushed it off. You were still young and living in a world where nothing was guaranteed.

Bringing a new life to a reality like this...

You felt a little selfish when thinking about having children with the man you loved. How would their life look life? With both parents in the Survey Corps, the poor child could end up an orphan in a blink of an eye. You weren’t ready to give up on your life in the military. Not yet.

„Okay...“ she breathed out and looked to the floor, gripping the edge of the table. „Why do you think you’re pregnant? What symptoms do you have?“

„I feel really tired and weak for a while now, I can barely eat because of the worst nausea I’ve ever felt. I’m always throwing up, feeling dizzy...“

„Okay,“ she said again firmly, gripping the table even harder. Her knuckles started to turn white. „When was the last time you had your period?“

You opened your mouth but closed it immediately. It was a simple question, you should have known how to answer it. But nothing came to your mind and that made you panic even more since the moment you realized it. Your period was never regular, so freaking out about it being late wasn’t something you did often. Not when you and Levi were careful and did everything to prevent you from becoming pregnant.

But now... with all the other symptoms...

„I don’t know, but it’s late. Even more than usual.“

„That still doesn’t have to mean anything.“

„Yeah, I know. But...“

„But there’s a pretty good chance that you really are pregnant, it would all make sense.“

That is what you were so afraid of – everything making perfect sense. How would you announce something this serious to Levi? How would he take it? Having kids is an enormous responsibility, were the two of you ready? Did he even want to be a father? He never knew his own dad, lost his mom as a little boy... he never had a parental figure in his life. What if he didn’t want kids because of that?

And what about you?

You trained really hard to become a Scout, it has been your dream for many years. And you loved it, despite everything. You couldn’t think about giving up on going outside the Walls and experiencing the freedom you felt there. Not yet, not so soon. The last couple of years just weren’t enough, you wanted more. Much, much more.

„It’s Levi’s, right?“ asked Hange in a quiet almost scared tone. She didn’t even dare to look you in the eyes as she asked the question.

„Of course!“ you assured her right away. „Why would you even ask such a question?“

She shook her head, hopped down, and went over to you. „I’m sorry, it’s just the look on your face. I’ve never seen you this scared.“

Maybe because you’ve never felt this scared. Not ever. Not even during some of the most brutal expeditions. Not even during your first one, when you got separated from your squad and had to face two Titans alone.

All sorts of emotions were squirming around in your head as your eyes started to fill with tears. You tried to fight them off but lost when Hange pulled you into a tight hug. The two of you’ve been through a lot since the days you were little. And she never let you down, not even once. Besides Moblit it was always her you could turn to when something was wrong.

„It will be fine, you know? You would make a great mom if you ask me. And Levi... well, he’ll learn. Someone like him is not going to be intimidated by a baby,“ she laughed, but her words made you cry even harder. „Look, you should see a doctor first, and plan the rest after you’re sure about the pregnancy. Maybe it’s something else. Maybe... maybe you’re just dying.“

„Hange!“ you cried out and rested your forehead against her shoulder in frustration. This was really not the time for her weird sense of humor.

„Are you okay, Mrs. Ackerman?“ You almost jumped hearing that question and finding a red-headed girl sitting next to you. She was one of the new cadets... Nifa, if you remembered correctly. One of the few that made it back from the last expedition. „You seem really distracted today.“

„What? Why?“ you shook your head and looked around. Since Hange had a lot of her own work, you agreed to watch over the new cadets during their evening training. But you barely showed any interest in what was happening around you. „I’m fine, sorry. Did all of you run twenty laps?“

„We finished about ten minutes ago.“

„Yeah, right. So...“ All of them were watching you, waiting for new orders. But you didn’t have a clue what to do with them next. Other times you trained with them as it helped in getting to know them and forming important bonds, but today you just sat aside and proceeded to lose yourself in your thoughts.

The whole world was falling apart right beneath your feet.

You were pregnant.

Two doctors confirmed it because you didn’t trust the first one and wanted a second opinion. Somehow you were hoping the first doctor was mistaken. But no, he was right. You and Levi were expecting your first baby.

Hange was the first person you shared the big news with. She proceeded to squeal with excitement so loudly, that the whole HQ surely heard her. The smile on her lips grew so wide you were afraid she was going to break her jaw in half. Not to mention the baby names she started to suggest to you for both genders.

„We can call it quit for today, go get some rest. Dinner will be served soon anyways,“ you said finally and smiled at the young recruits.

They seemed different from the last time you’ve seen them. Before the expedition. A lot of them were missing... and never coming back. Was it maybe your fault as well? Did you not help them adapt well enough? Was there something you could’ve taught them that would ensure their survival?

Maybe.

And maybe not.

You always did your best. At least you tried. That’s why everyone liked and respected you. Even before you got together with Levi. Being his wife just made things a little more... official?

„You all did great today. Any questions?“

When none of them responded, you waved your hand at them as a signal that the training was over. But none of them moved, all eyes were focused somewhere behind your back. You wanted to stand up before looking over your shoulder, but your legs were suddenly too weak to support your weight. Feeling horribly lightheaded you dropped back down on the bench, making some of the cadets jump to your help immediately.

„I’m fine, I’m fine...“ you assured them, trying to steady yourself and stand up once more. This time an arm firmly grabbed you around your waist and helped you up. Your husband’s light grey eyes were watching you worriedly while you leaned against his side.

„Training’s over for today, brats. Get lost!“ he ordered them in an unnecessarily harsh tone, but none of them questioned. Not even Nifa, who was still by your side. You gave her a tiny smile and waved to the other cadets.

„Being rude wasn’t necessary, darling,“ you said to Levi when it was just the two of you.

He shrugged and gently kissed your cheek, helping you sit down again. He sat beside you, hugging you around the shoulder and bringing you closer to him. „You should be in bed if you’re not feeling well. Or at the doctor, you should’ve seen days ago, because something is going on. This isn’t just nerves or tiredness like you always tell me.“

„I was at the doctor today,“ you whispered almost inaudibly, blindly grabbing his hand and intertwining your fingers. Levi almost instantly froze in place which made you, even more, terrified to tell him the truth.

„And?“ he asked after a moment of painful silence. Your whole body tensed up, shivers running down your spine.

It was nothing that horrible is what you kept telling yourself. And Levi loved you, he would never be angry about something like this. Maybe he would be happy. Maybe he wanted a family with you. And maybe not. What if this was a good reason for him to leave you? What would you do in that case? Without your husband and a with his baby on the way?

„Talk to me, please.“ He seemed even more scared than you.

„Well, I’m not dying,“ you said and tried to laugh it off. But tears started to build up in your eyes again. You couldn’t even look at him, it was better to close your eyes and rest your head against his shoulder.

You suddenly felt sick to your stomach – but pregnancy wasn't the one to blame. Emotions were flooding your mind and making you want to stand up and run away. Hide somewhere and cry for hours to end.

Levi waited for a couple of minutes and rubbed your back for comfort as he planted a few kisses on top of your head. His hand was gently clenching your own, his thumb going back and forth over your wedding band. He was dying to know the answer but didn’t pressure you in any way.

„You forgot about the tea with Petra,“ he said finally, bringing your hand to his lips and kissing your knuckles lovingly. The sudden change of topic surprised you, but you were glad. Wrapping your hand around his torso, you kissed his neck and closed your eyes to stop the tears from spilling. „She was looking for you.“

„I totally forgot about her,“ you mumbled, burying your face in the crook of his neck.

The sun was slowly setting, another day will soon be over. Summer was long gone and chilly fall nights were just around the corner. You loved the colder weather, it was the best for training. But not everyone agreed. Your husband hated the cold, especially on those mornings when getting out of your shared bed was hard enough on its own.

„We’ll make up tomorrow, I’m not really in a mood anymore.“

Levi nodded and suddenly stood up, carefully pulling you to your feet as well. He left one of his arms around your waist to make sure you can stand steadily on your own. Hand in hand you walked back to your room. It was just a short walk but you felt exhausted, ready to fall into bed and not move for another month. Overall, it was a pretty difficult day. At least emotionally.

„We can eat dinner here if you want,“ suggested Levi when he closed the door behind you. His work desk was covered in mission reports. That was always a sign of a long, sleepless night. Sometimes he let you help him, but today you were already sure that nothing like that is going to happen. „I’m not really in the mood to see anyone, had enough for today.“

„Rough day?“

„It’s more about the overall atmosphere, everyone is still loathing than cursed expedition.“

„Well, nobody was prepared for such a disaster. It’s natural to feel hopeless. The latest recruits seemed like completely different people today than a couple of days ago.“

„They should get used to it, being a Scout will never be easy. They should be aware of what they signed up for.“

„It’s not about that, Levi,“ you protested and sat down on the small couch next to the bookcase and the door leading to your shared bedroom. „You can never be prepared for something like that. Even you came back more shaken than ever before. For a while I thought you were the only one who made it back because you weren’t saying anything, you were covered in blood...“

And so on. Memories of that night still haunted you every time you looked at Levi’s face, where the cut under his eye was still healing. When it came to injuries, he paid just a small price that day. And you were more than grateful for that. But that didn’t help you forget about his bloodied uniform or about him just collapsing from exhaustion and grief right there in front of you.

You waited for his response but it never came. Levi just sat down at his table and got back to work, not looking in your direction even once. You sat there uncomfortably, anxiously tapping your foot and playing with your wedding band. Finding the right words seemed impossible. The worst part was that you didn’t have anyone, who could assure you that everything will be okay. Yes, Hange tried her best, but even your brutally intelligent best friend didn’t know everything.

You contemplated talking to Moblit first. He almost always had the right words for any kind of situation. But as you looked at your husband, you changed your mind. He deserved to know first. He was the baby’s father and the love of your life. Keeping something so important from him any longer would be unfair.

Yes, telling the truth and not knowing the outcome was scary. But was there really a reason to be this scared? Levi truly loved you, he made sure to tell and show you every day. He would never abandon you in a situation like this.

No.

He would not abandon you in any situation.

You took one last deep breath and came closer to his desk, standing behind his chair. Your hands slipped to his tensed shoulders gently massaging them. Levi let out a little sigh before leaning back and grabbing your hands from the front, pulling you closer.

„Should I go get us dinner?“ he asked and looked over his shoulder right into your eyes.

„Actually... could you come to the bathroom with me for a second?“ you asked with an innocent smile, brushing your lips against his ear.

He was genuinely surprised but didn’t say anything. His lips found yours in a quick kiss before he got up and let you lead him to the bathroom. The last rays of sunshine were illuminating the small room, reflecting off the full-length mirror in the corner. The one you needed for your little plan.

„Can you unbutton my shirt, please?“ you asked him, guiding his hands to the top button of your white shirt. Levi’s breath got caught in his throat, his hands shaking a little. It surprised you because he never was nervous in situations like this. He wasn't shy or hesitant when it was just the two of you.

You smiled at him, cupping his cheeks lovingly, and tasted his lips for a short moment. As you were about to pull away, Levi leaned closer and kissed you again. His fingers started to blindly unbutton your shirt – one little button after another. He didn't stop kissing you until your shirt was undone and your lungs were burning from the lack of air.

„Thanks, darling,“ you whispered and grabbed his hands, turning around. Facing the mirror you wrapped his arms around your waist and put his palms directly on your stomach. Nothing was out of the ordinary. For now.

„What are we looking at?“ Levi asked, kissing your shoulder. The two of you were almost the same height, which you found super adorable.

„As I said earlier... I was at the doctor today,“ you started carefully, leaning against his chest. His light grey eyes were carefully watching the both of you in the mirror. Your silhouettes joined in one in the rich orange hues of the setting sun. „And I’m okay, it’s nothing serious.“

You wanted to keep him calm and concentrated. Even more, as you could feel his heartbeat picking up against your back. But it still wasn’t pounding as hard as your own.

So many things could go wrong.

So many.

„But he told me something that... that...“

„You are pregnant,“ he said calmly, kissing you behind your right ear, his thumbs drawing small circles on your stomach. „I suspected it for a couple of days now but didn’t want to say anything. It wasn’t my call to make.“

You instantly turned around, meeting his eyes directly. „What? How?“ Levi smiled a little, sliding his hands into the back pockets of your pants.

„I’m not stupid.“

„I never said you were, Levi.“

He furrowed his brows, resting his forehead against yours. „Then why are you so surprised?“

It felt like you could finally take a breath after the whole day. Fear was slowly melting away, disappearing somewhere in the corner of the bathroom. Your husband didn't seem upset or annoyed. Not even irritated.

„Because even I didn’t think about pregnancy right away. Just then, after all of my symptoms started adding up.“ Levi carefully turned you around, both of you facing the mirror again. His hands came to rest on your stomach just like a couple of moments ago.

It all felt so right at that moment. His content expression, the love you could see in his eyes. And just him being there with you. Having a baby was a big thing, and there was no one else you could imagine doing this with.

„Were you scared to tell me?“ You nodded, leaning against his chest again. But more relaxed this time. A tiny smile started to form on your lips when you saw Levi grinning and shaking his head.

„Can you blame me? We never really talked about having kids and with everything that happened just a few days ago... I didn't feel like it was the right time.“

„There is no right time, my love. And there’ll never be.“

„What do you mean?“

„We can die any moment, you know that. And I do as well. Waiting for the right time would mean accomplishing nothing in this life.“

He was right. You knew that. It was never the right time. For anything. Just a year ago it wasn’t the right time for you to get married. So much was happening during those months and weeks. But the two of you did it anyway. After what happened in Shiganshina just shortly before, you didn’t want to waste more time.

Because if being a Scout meant dying for humanity at any given moment, you wanted to leave this life behind as Levi’s wife.

„Look, I’m internally freaking out, not gonna lie. And I suppose you are too.“ Levi slowly pulled away from you and made both of you slightly turn to the side, so you could still see your reflection in the mirror. While looking directly into your eyes he knelt, resting his forehead against your stomach. „But we can figure it out, right? We still have... how many months?“

Tears rolled down your cheeks without you even noticing first. But they were happy tears for sure. The weight of the world was slowly lifting from your shoulders as you looked down at your husband, sliding your fingers into his thick dark hair.

„Uhm... at least seven for sure, I’m about six or seven weeks now.“ If your calculations were at least a little bit correct. „But... anything can happen. Mostly these first few weeks.“

Yes, you were pregnant and your husband seemed delighted. But there was still no guarantee that at the end of this journey, you will hold a healthy baby in your arms. Your mother was pregnant once more after Moblit was born. You were six at that time, and your brother was just three years old. He was too little to remember the sibling that was never born. But you did and sometimes wondered how different your life would be if you had two younger siblings. How different your bond with Moblit would be.

„I’ll take the best care of you. Both of you, my love. I swear that on my life.“

„Levi...“

„We’ll both do our best so nothing bad happens. And if something comes up... well, then it was destined to be that way.“

You slowly sank to your knees before him, wrapping your arms around his neck tightly. Tears were still running down your cheeks, all of the emotions becoming just too much. Happiness. Fear. Anger. Disappointment. Excitement. All of them hit you simultaneously so you ended up like a sobbing mess on your husband’s shoulder while he was doing his best to comfort you.

Levi was silently whispering sweet nothings to you, rubbing your back and finally sitting down against the wall, cradling you into his warm embrace. Your shirt was still unbuttoned and your abdomen showing. That’s why you immediately felt him place his warm palm on your stomach, rubbing it carefully.

„I love you,“ he whispered as the last bits of the setting sun left the bathroom. Darkness was growing thicker all around you, but there was no need to fear.

Not when your husband was by your side.

To be continued...

Part III

#levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #levi ackerman x you #levi ackerman x female reader #hange zoe #moblit berner #petra ral #aot x you #aot x reader #attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #snk

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commander-hanji-zoe · 2 years

Note

Hi!!! I was wondering if you could do like a headcanon for the vets and og levi squad if they had like a suicidal s/o. I love your blog btw!

Hey - thank you so much! I realise this came into my inbox a long time ago and then I wasn't writing anything. But with NaNoWriMo I'm picking up a few old requests and wanted to write this one.

Firstly – CW/TW for mentions of suicidal thoughts.

These will be a bit repetitive because as always I think the vets and O/G Levi Squad would all be incredibly supportive in their own way. They would all want to do what they could within their power and while respecting their s/o’s wishes, to help. They would be sensitive, they would all also want their s/o to get professional help, whether seeing a doctor, councillor, nurse, private therapist. It would very much be the first thing they would discuss with their S/O, to check whether they were already seeing someone and how it’s going, or if not to see if they could research who would be best to speak to. Mostly all of them would be happy to accompany their S/O to appointments but equally respect boundaries if their S/O would rather go alone.

They would be there to ensure appointments aren’t missed and any medication or practises such as daily diary updates, affirmations etc. also are adhered to – though this will be managed sensitively and without pressure.

I wrote the above because this is such an important and very sensitive topic and one that as a lot of you know, I am very familiar with. I didn’t want to type the same thing for each of the characters so the above is there to read first before the below – it is also there as a reminder to anyone who may need to hear it.

I’m always here to listen if you need someone to vent to, but if you need help, please reach out to your doctor/physician etc. and/or family and friends that you trust.

Erwin

He understands that being suicidal doesn’t mean their s/o wants to die or not be here anymore and rather that it means they’re just very tired, exhausted by the mental pain they are in and Erwin will do everything within his power to comfort them and talk things through. He understands the importance of not getting emotional himself and keeping the conversation going, being rational and calm where possible.

Erwin would want to ensure that he could keep an eye on his s/o if they didn’t live together, suggesting they either take some time away together (in a perfect au reality where he isn’t commander of the survey corps!) otherwise he will suggest you move in with him for a little while just so he’s there for you in the darkest moments.

He would remove things that his s/o could potentially use to harm themselves with but he wouldn’t make a big thing out of it, announce he was doing it or do it when his s/o could see. This would be very intentional so that his s/o didn’t think a big deal was being made or get angry at the response, rather it is a tactical decision from Erwin to protect his s/o subtly.

Mike

Mike knows something is up, he can sense it – there’s a smell to sadness like autumn leaves in rain. Like rot and damp – but he won’t say it for the fear it’ll sound like he’s romanticising it. But he’s got good intuition when it comes to others emptions.

He doesn’t like euphemisms and would rather address the issue straight up, not in a way that’s blunt or unkind. But his s/o is too important to him to beat around the bush. Equally he won’t push his s/o into talking, but he does take it very seriously and needs his s/o to know he’s there for them.

Asks his s/o if it gets too much to please tell him, they don’t even have to speak and can just sit in silence if needed. Mike will encourage going on small walks with him to get fresh air and eating/drinking even if it’s just small amounts frequently, perhaps cooking up a batch of favourite soup so that it isn’t over-whelming for his s/o and certainly isn’t forced.

Encourages baby steps, if their s/o doesn’t feel like doing day to day tasks or small acts of self care he will help but then encourage them to do something for themselves. For example he may brush their hair and then say, “Doesn’t that feel better, how about we brush our teeth together to tick off our morning routine.”

He’ll give them a journal with a few drawings he’s done to make them smile but also so they have somewhere to keep track of how they’re feeling and what makes things better and what makes things worse.

Hanji

Would hate that their s/o felt like this but also would understand, they too have felt the pull when things get too much. Hanji is very protective so would do what they could in their power to help their s/o and be as supportive as possible.

Their way of helping is to provide distraction – whether it’s to involve their s/o in their work and research or to take them for a few days out or perhaps to see a play. Hanji will however avoid large crowds or large groups of friends and be very careful not to do anything too over-whelming, perhaps checking with their s/o what they’d like to do first. If their s/o didn’t want to go anywhere Hanji would force or push going out, but after a few days they would try to gently encourage them to get some fresh air together and go for a change of scenery that may offer a different point of view.

Won’t go to sleep until their s/o is asleep so that Hanji can watch them, scratch their back, stroke their hair, sing, talk…whatever their s/o needs to drift off into a peaceful sleep hopefully free from nightmares. For Hanji they also need this, they need to know that they’re helping somehow, and they need to know their s/o is safe, going to sleep first is not an obtain.

Nanaba

“Oh my love…” Nanaba is so incredibly soft and kind, it breaks her heart knowing how much this is hurting her s/o but she does everything she can to remain composed and strong for them. She doesn’t get emotional or make it about her.

She’ll go a bit over board with buying things to help, from self help books (which after reading a few pages she kind of hates and so hides them), their s/o’s favourite food, drinks, lots of vitamins, books, flowers. She hates feeling helpless but wants her s/o to know they’re not alone.

Very good at late night chats, perhaps out and about, perhaps in the bath. Nanaba will listen without interruption. She wants to know what’s going on in her s/o’s mind and if there’s anything she can do to help. She wants to understand where this has come from, what the triggers are and what can be done to avoid them.

If there’s anything that needs removing from their room/house etc. Anything that makes her s/o feel sad or scared, Nanaba is there to quietly remove them at night and instead replace the objects with things that are nicer and more comforting.

Levi

In many respects Levi doesn’t quite understand and it’s for two reasons, partly because as a person he’s incredibly matter of fact and stoic as a way of life. And partly because he’s fought so hard to survive, after everything he’s been through it’s incomprehensible at first how anyone could want to purposefully end it. But. Levi is intelligent and aware of others and the difficulties, challenges and heartaches that exist – especially when it comes to his S/O. So he will be patient, he will remain calm and not express his initial reaction with his s/o as he wouldn’t want them to feel their feelings were invalid, wrong etc.

If his s/o isn’t up to cleaning or sorting out mundane tasks of course Levi will be there to help out and ensure everything is sparkling and like new. But he also buys a few things that make the cleaning easier and comes up with solutions to help his s/o get through day to day tasks for themselves – reminding them everything they do is an achievement.

Levi can be particularly quiet at times but turns out this is exactly what his s/o will need. Just someone to listen and not react to everything that’s being said. Someone quiet who can hold their hand if they need it and be by their side through it all.

Levi loves being outside and the fresh air – a long horse trek with snacks, tea, lots of healthy mood boosting foods are in order and so he plans a nice trip away for the two of them, hoping this may somehow brighten his s/o’s mood and remind them of the beautiful places in the world. The small things, the simple things and help them believe everything will be okay in the end.

Moblit

This will break him, initially he’ll be asking himself what he did wrong and what he could do better to make his s/o not want to end their life anymore or feel this way. But Moblit is pretty quick to pick himself up from this and realise it isn’t about him and that it is not an individual’s fault. As difficult as it is and as supportive as he will be, he has to remind himself and potentially his s/o depending on their behaviour – that he is not in control of this.

He’ll want to get to the bottom of why his s/o feels like this in a way that sometimes can be a little over-bearing or even intrusive. He doesn’t mean it to be, he’s just certain if he knows what is causing it he can help fix it. Due to his work with Hanji he’s become accustomed to experiments, cause and effect and coming up with solutions. Not to say that his s/o and their mental health is a problem that needs to be solved, he loves his s/o and just wants to use the skills he’s gained to help them where possible.

Will definitely take things easy in terms of the relationship and won’t push for anything physical or romantic if his s/o isn’t in the mood. But will ensure there are lots of sweet, small daily interactions to let them know he is there for them and that he loves them. He needs them to know he is here standing by as and when the support is required.

Will bring back small gifts like flowers, a favourite cake, drinks, a new book his s/o has been talking about. He will also change bedsheets, open windows – especially if the cleaning aspect is something he can do with his s/o rather than just for them. He wants them to feel useful and like they don’t just need looking after all the time.

Oluo

He’ll struggle a lot with this, Oluo isn’t always the easiest person to talk to at first but as mentioned before, once you open up to him or see the softer side he is incredibly caring. The way he behaves, and mimics Levi comes from a place of insecurity.

He’d probably hold his s/o for a long time and cry a little himself, trying to hold back the tears and instead be there for his s/o. But he doesn’t find this as easy as some of the vets do and once his own emotions come out it’s hard to put them back in. But boy does Oluo try and manages pretty well after the initial shock.

Really doesn’t want to be alone again, it means so much to him that he’s found a partner who understands him. He immediately feels selfish after thinking this and probably putting his foot in it by saying it out loud.

Makes big gestures to let his s/o know how much they mean to him – but only privately and realises doing this in public isn’t going to help. Most of all he just wants to know if there is anything he can do to help even if that means giving them a little space, he is happy to step back when needed.

Would perhaps ask Levi for advice and help seek recommendations for a professional that his s/o could see, would make an appointment with their permission and encourage them.

Eld

Eld would manage to stay incredibly calm when he finds out how his s/o is feeling, mostly because he knows this is not the time to over-react or make it about him. Instead he’d want to listen, he may make some notes but it’s for his eyes only and so he can reflect on them later.

Will make sure his s/o stays really hydrated and will bring them water and other favourite non-alcoholic drinks.

Distractions are good but only for a short time, Eld would rather focus on the small every day things that really make a difference, encouraging his s/o and just being there when they need to talk or cry. Is also really good at giving hugs.

Petra

When Petra finds out how her s/o has been feeling she’ll think it’s best if the two of them talk away from things that represent day to day life. Instead, she’ll take her s/o somewhere quiet and peaceful where they won’t be disturbed or distracted. Petra

She’ll encourage her s/o to see someone professional to talk through how they’re feeling and to come up with ideas to help process their feelings, emotions and what they’re going through. If there is anything Petra can do to be more helpful, or any small things she can change regarding her behaviour etc. she will want to know and aim to be the best she can for them – while also taking reasonable breaks for her own mental health.

Sometimes Petra is simply the best person to just hang out with and say nothing, it’s in these silences her s/o finds a lot of comfort. It’s never awkward and there’s no expectations either. It’ll give her s/o plenty of time to think through what they’re feeling and when they’re ready they can talk – until then Petra is happy just to hold them, stroke their hair or just sit quietly reading a book so their s/o has company but it isn’t smothering.

Gunther

Gunther gets it – the world he and his s/o live in has not been kind and sometimes it’s a truly scary place to be. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t upset him and make him wish he could do something to help, not realising that just being there for his s/o is help enough.

He’s a great listener and won’t be distracted by anything else, rather Gunther is committed to hearing what is troubling his s/o and coming up with some positive actions they can take.

He would remove anything from their home that could harm his s/o or inspire any further negative thoughts, anything triggering, anything they could use to harm themselves.

At night he’d go through some positive affirmations with his s/o and talk about all the things they have to look forward to – not in a ‘don’t do this you have so much to live for’ kind of way, but a general day to day conversation. He’s really looking forward to someone’s birthday or that he’s planned for them.

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sparkywrites25 · 2 years

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AUs

I've had so much fun writing several AUs recently. So much so that I'll likely write more for them. So, I'm repasting those chapters of Attack on One Shots to make those AUs into their own fics - a not necessarily chronological collection of them.

Give Your Heart To Nobility A collection of tales (not necessarily in chronological order) about nobles Levi Ackerman and Petra Ral and their mutual love for you.

A Life Lived In Love A collection of tales (not necessarily in chronological order) about yours and Levi's life together in college and afterward. Forever Yours A collection of tales (not necessarily in chronological order) about female Rivetra.

#my fics #attack on titan fanfiction #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x reader x petra ral #rivetra #levi ackerman x oc fic

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astridthevalkyrie · 2 years

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A Scene Popped Into My Head But Instead Of Writing A Whole AU I’m Just Going To Write That One Scene <3

—> Scene Capture Fics Masterlist

—> Today’s Feature: Assistant Petra!

—> a/n: yes, i AM posting a scene capture fic after a long time and yes i am doing it for petra and not levi. if you want to know, please read the first line in this post <3

"Good morning," you offer coyly to the shirtless man next to you, who doesn't offer you anything more than a grunt in response as he types away at his laptop.

Yes, this is just a wonderful thing to wake up to.

"Are we dating now?" You stretch as you wake up fully, sitting up and pushing aside the strays of your hair from your face carelessly. Levi doesn't even grace that one with a sound, just a clear grimace. You smirk, not that he sees you. "Fine. You were good, though."

"I know that," he says dismissively, still not looking away from his Tetris game or whatever else must be so interesting on the screen.

Always a delight with him. Yawning, you toss on your bra and panties before stepping out of the bedroom, greeted by the too-bright light streaming through the window of the kitchen. If you weren't so high up, you'd be slightly concerned about someone seeing you.

Although, it looks like you don't have to worry, since someone who's already inside is doing all the seeing anyways.

A pretty redhead in a pencil skirt and adorable blouse takes you in, blinking in surprise a few times before she clears her throat. "Um. Let me escort you out, ma'am."

"Excuse me?" You raise a brow at her as you grab a plum from the bowl of fruits that Levi never eats but always keeps freshly stocked. "Who are you?"

She stands up straight, like she thinks you're appraising her—you're really not, you just wanted to know why some random lady was in Levi's apartment.

"I'm Petra Ral, ma'am. Mr. Ackerman's assistant. I organize his schedules, accompany him during all his meetings, and escort his...guests, off the premises."

You snort. "So you what, take out the trash? Not very feminist of you."

Petra flushes scarlet. Easily embarrassed, clearly. Levi sure knows how to pick them, this is the cutest assistant he's had in a while. You wonder if they...nah, Levi's too much of a dork to try anything with someone who works for him. "That's not what I meant to say, you put words in my mouth."

You could put something else in her mouth, something pink that you keep at home in your second drawer, to the left.

"Wasn't my intention, Ms. Ral," you mimic her formal tone back, "but you also don't need to worry. I'm not hanging around due to clinginess, I'm just hungry." With that, you take a large bite of the plum, taking care to swallow and lick the juice off your lips before speaking again (to your delight, Petra watches every motion). "Levi won't get pissy with you, don't worry. We're old friends."

Friends might be stretching it, but you've clearly made the cute girl awkward enough already, so you don't need to go further by saying you and Levi liked each purely for the sex.

"I...see. In that case, can I get you something, ma'am?"

"No," you offer cheekily, leaning on the counter, aware that you're only in your undergarments and that she's doing her best to pretend she's not trying to look at your chest. "Just your company is plenty this morning, Ms. Ral."

Once more, she blushes.

Holy shit, you chose the right night to hook up with Levi.

Still, you suppose he's not the only one with important affairs to attend to, so you really should get going. It's too bad, you really wanted to stay and flirt with this pretty girl, but duty calls. You finish your pear and give her a wink before heading back to Levi's room to change.

"Hey, darling?"

"Don't call me that," comes Levi's immediate response. Just another nickname to add the blacklist, then. "What?"

"I'm gonna hook up with your assistant. Just a heads up," you offer casually, before turning on your heel to head out.

"Fucking hell," you hear him mutter under his breath, "not again."

#aot x reader #petra x reader #petra ral x reader #petra ral #levi ackerman #assistant petra #scene capture fics #valkyrie stories

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cowboysandcannolis · 1 year

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Attack on Titan Hogwarts Professor AU

Reader is the newly appointed Herbology Professor at Hogwarts, her beauty and sweet nature manage to attract the attention of Flying Instructor Miche Zacharias, Transfiguration Professor Zeke Yeager and Erwin Smith on his first term as headmaster. With rambunctious students (the 104th Training Corps), the sudden emergence of a dark curse that turns wizards into hulking, wizard eating monsters called Titans and three Professors pursuing her, her first year at Hogwarts is destined to be one to be remembered.

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amywritesthings · 9 months

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silver underground. / chapter 17.

( Read on AO3 )

Pairing: levi ackerman x f!reader (attack on titan / shingeki no kyojin)

Word Count: 5.3K

Summary: flashback seven - also known as the day you meet the special operations squad after the underground heist failure... and a familiar face

Warnings: death ideation, mourning and grief, mentions of death, depression, lots of hurt, lots of comfort, a treat at the end

Previous Chapter. / Next Chapter. | Masterlist.

CHAPTER 17 - FLASHBACK: SEVEN

note: this is the final chapter that is heavily influenced by the ova 'no regrets'. this is my interpretations of the material. watch/read that first, otherwise you will get spoiled on elements revolving around levi's backstory.

“So these are the barracks.”

Petra Ral is nice.

A bright-eyed ginger with too much excitement on her hands and too high of an opinion of the world — every time she opens her mouth, you’re painstakingly reminded of Isabel.

With your sudden intrusion into the Scout Regiment, all you have been met with are cold shoulders and judgmental eyes. Erwin was right: they resent your lack of cadet training. Quite frankly, you’re certain they resent everything about you.

Yet Petra glows in a warmth so many of the other Scouts lack.

She shouldn’t be here, and she shouldn’t be trying so hard to make friends in a line of work dedicated to dying.

Because if the gangs of the Underground were a revolving door, then the Scout Regiment was a windmill caught in a storm of bodies.

Under direct order from Commander Erwin, Petra has been assigned to play as your guide in the interim between now and the next Special Operations expedition. She’s responsible for catching you up to speed on anything from proper ODM gear usage (as if you need any) to team formation strategy (as if you’ll memorize any).

Erwin is, above all else, thorough. Nothing is left to chance in his branch and rightfully so; one bad move and a multitude of deaths will be on his hands.

Over sixty percent of Scouts die.

That number is not lost on you.

(Eventually you’ll be part of that statistic. It’s just a matter of how fast.)

The interior of the castle headquarters within Wall Maria is expansive. Beautiful, with gold-trim corners and marble floors — you marvel at the way the sun makes the white floor so much brighter, nearly blinding your retinas every time you stare a little too long.

Truthfully, you haven’t stopped staring. Not since you left the darkness and walked up those fateful Underground passage stairwell with the commander.

Just as you dreamed, the surface is beautiful. Breath-taking. Mind-numbingly overwhelming. From the luscious greenery surrounding the castle grounds, to the lively birds chirping in the endless sky, to the palpable warmth against your skin — you find yourself getting lost at the sights and sounds each passing window brings.

Petra finds your curiosity endearing, at the very least.

Erwin must have already disclosed your oddity — a dweller of the Underground City — before assigning her the task of babysitting.

She doesn’t seem to care — about where you’re from, about bypassing standard cadet training, about your unwillingness to speak. Not like the others.

You’re not sure why.

Maybe she sees what you’ve tried hiding: the sadness that follows like a ball and chain through every room of this castle; the emptiness of your eyes when they meet hers; the way you fidget incessantly with your necklace, never quite letting go for longer than a few minutes.

(It’s all you have. That's all that’s left of them.)

“This is my bed, actually, but yours will be easy to find!”

Petra smiles brightly in your direction, eyes crinkling at the corners when they shut.

She should keep them open. She can’t trust you like that.

“It’s at the very end of the hallway. It’s got two sets of bunk beds but, uh…”

The original inhabitants recently died.

She doesn’t want to say that part.

“The rest of the team should be making it back soon.”

Petra steps out of the hallway, waving for you to join her. You numbly obey.

“How many people are on this team?” you ask.

“Currently?” she asks, and you nod. “We’re an expedition squad of five — well, seven, if you count Section Commander Hange and Moblit, but they don’t always come with us. Otherwise we have a couple dozen Scouts stationed in other areas to cover ground.”

“How come?” When she doesn’t answer right away, you clear your throat and clarify. “How come those two don’t always come with you?”

“Oh, Hange and Moblit? You’ll meet them eventually,” Petra explains, guiding you back to the grounds. “Hange is a little, uh, on the intense side, but they mean well. They head scientific research for the Scouts, so their work can keep them behind. Commander Erwin left to fetch them a few hours ago, actually, but they should be back by now. Probably going over titan reports.”

Quietly you follow her down a staircase, listening with little interest. Petra continues explaining the most recent discoveries of the Scouts — empty handed, no surprise there — and how she’s excited to learn from your skills — like you’d ever try.

Over and over, the pad of your thumb brushes the pendant between your fingers.

You haven’t slept in days.

You’ve barely eaten a crumb.

Everything has been at lightning speed and slow motion all at once.

The large oak doors at the front of the building have been wide open to air out the interior all day. When the two of you reach the foot of the staircase, you see movement in the distance outside.

Clouds of dust and dirt kick up behind them, but they’re too small to be titans.

“What’s that?” you softly ask, and Petra turns her attention to you.

“Hmm? Oh! The horses,” she supplies, waving you once again to follow her to the mouth of the entrance. You step in time with her. “That’s everyone coming back.”

“Everyone?”

“Yeah.” Petra leans against the hinge of a castle door, crossing her arms over her chest. “Eld Jinn is our second-in-command on Special Ops. Then you’ve got me, Oluo — pretty sure you already met him, but I don’t think you looked at him when he said hi — Gunther is with them, too, and—”

“Petra.”

A warm, deep voice calls out to your companion from behind.

Immediately Petra stands taller, chin raised. You belatedly turn your head with an air of disrespect but never quite face it.

Because, by now, you know that voice belongs to Commander Erwin Smith.

(You don’t care what this son of a bitch has to say.)

“Commander, sir!” she greets.

You keep your focus on the tiny cloud of smoke kicked up by the horses. The green cloaks billow out from their shoulders, stretching like wings behind them.

From this distance you can make out the hair colors of the first three in the formation — a blond, a brunette, and in the center, a smaller black-haired individual.

“Are the stables ready for the incoming horses?”

“Yes, sir,” Petra chirps. “I already took care of everything before showing James around.”

“Great work, Ral. James.”

Erwin calls your name, but you ignore it. Instead you keep staring at the nearing horses. You try to time the clicking of their hooves to nothing in particular.

Anything, to avoid talking to him.

“Lieutenant.”

At the title, you finally blink your attention towards the taller blonde. He takes a step forward, standing what would have been shoulder to shoulder if not for his height.

“Yes, Commander?” you murmur, tone dripping with disinterest.

“Ready to meet the rest of your team?” he asks without skipping a beat.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you reply, drawing a slow exhale. “Though I can’t imagine they’ll be excited to meet me, considering I’ve—”

“Opted out of the rigorous cadet training like endured to get here?” the man finishes for you. Your brows instinctually furrow. “Unlikely. Your skill will speak for you once you’re out in the field.”

His chin raises towards the nearing Scouts.

“And as it stands,” Erwin continues, “you are not the only soul on this squad to bypass tradition.”

His verbiage almost makes you respond freely.

(What the hell do you mean by that, Smith?)

The first horse to enter the castle perimeter whinnies, loud and piercing.

You turn.

Blinking back to the returning Scouts, you feel it start in the pit of your stomach:

Neutrality bubbles and churns into something nasty, like you might get sick at a second’s notice, the second your eyes lock with the center-positioned Scout.

Under a wind-blown, jet-black fringe stares two sunken, narrowed eyes. The frayed pieces of hair kiss the man’s high cheekbones, accentuating the narrow point leading to his chin. He’s pale, sickly, with a sharpened nose and tightly pressed lips.

From the look of the bags under his eyes, he hasn’t slept in weeks.

He nears with the reins tight in either fist. His neck is covered with a chiffon ivory cravat, neatly tied to perfection against his Scout Regiment uniform — gone are the billowing sleeves and auburn vests where a tan, cropped jacket takes their place.

The emblem on his breast is the Wings of Freedom.

There’s no way.

You blink twice, three times, as many as it’ll take to wipe away the mirage in front of you.

Because it can’t be real.

That can’t be—

“Levi.”

Commander Erwin speaks. The horse kicks up its front hooves from a knee-jerk pull of the rein and protests with a high-pitched whine. Levi Ackerman turns his head in the direction of his voice.

Abruptly his chin stops midway, never quite finding Erwin.

Not when his eyes, overtaken by a growing white, see you.

And your world — his world — suddenly stops.

Levi’s complexion pales. All he does is stare — at you, at nothing but you, frozen in this momentary lapse of time with you.

Levi is alive.

Wetness wells at your lower lash line, unable to stop.

You can’t speak. You can’t run. You can’t breathe. Your mouth is dry. You haven’t blinked.

One word floods your mind.

Alive.

Alive, alive, alive—

“Captain Levi,” Erwin repeats, this time adding a… title?

Titles don’t exist in the Scouts. As far as you knew, you were the only one carrying something beyond Section Commander and Commander.

You can taste his reluctance when Levi forces himself to blink over to his superior office. He hoists a leg over the saddle and hops down to full height, yet turns his back to the rest of the squad to tend to his midnight black horse. He doesn't pivot.

“Commander,” he gruffly greets. “What is this about?”

Your throat closes up at the mere sound of his baritone, unimpressed voice.

It really is him. Levi never went to the gallows.

(And Erwin knew? The commander knew this entire time and said nothing?)

“What’s the status of our perimeter?” Erwin asks simply, ignoring the smaller man’s question.

“Only one three-meter ugly bitch within range,” Levi replies against the saddle. “We handled it.”

“Good,” Erwin chimes. The other Scouts — one blonde and lanky, another older with brunette hair, the last with a buzzcut and a serious expression — step off of their horses and face the Commander. “You arrived just in time to meet the replacement of this squad.”

“We already have new titan fodder?” the one man quips, smirking as he runs a hand across his horse’s mane. “Guess we did lose a lot of people last time.”

“Oluo,” Petra warns, eyes narrowing. “That would be Lieutenant to you.”

“Lieu-what?” the man named Oluo repeats under his breath.

Levi’s hand twitches at the rein.

Only then do you realize your hands are trembling at your sides.

“Lieutenant?”

Levi spits it out as he finally turns his chin over his shoulder, glaring daggers. The word is nothing more than a bite. Acidic.

“First a Captain, now a Lieutenant?” a lanky man with a ponytail asks, slowly and carefully.

“As of now, yes. We have a Lieutenant in our ranks. The first of her kind,” Erwin confirms. “And you’re to treat her with the same respect as you’ve shown our Captain.”

“With all due respect, sir—” Although Levi’s words are respectful on paper, they are anything but against his lips. “—I was under the impression that my squad was to be handpicked and handpicked only going forward.”

Erwin hums. “You would be correct, Captain. Lieutenant James, however, will be a vital asset to your newly-acquired squad. Petra has been kind enough to help her get acquainted with headquarters.”

“Has she been through training?”

Wait.

Is Levi pretending not to know you?

You stay perfectly still, unable to watch anything but him. He continues to stare at Erwin with such forced neutrality that you can see a vein protruding just under the white cravat.

“No,” Erwin plays along, raising a heavy brow. “She’s already proficient in handling ODM gear and hand-to-hand combat."

"She is?" Gunther pipes up, his surprise bordering on admiration.

Erwin continues. "Strengthening our numbers at haste after a significant loss was our most efficient strategy, and I think it will serve us well. Did you miss the detailed briefing I left on your desk before your patrol, Captain Levi?”

The castle grounds fall silent.

Levi’s shoulders, pinched together, now fall.

“Must have missed it,” he replies, feigning an annoyed boredom that you’ve heard so many times before. “So long as she doesn’t slow me down. If you’ll excuse me, I have shit to do.”

Lamely you watch him near you, heart trapped in your throat. You want to run to him, hold him, scream and cry about everything — the heist, the gang, the fucking Scouts — but you do nothing when he passes right by.

Straight past Erwin and into the castle, where he disappears up a flight of stairs and out of view.

As if he never existed.

(His scent is still the same calming fresh linen with a dash of chamomile that your brain clings to, but no comfort comes.)

Did you hallucinate his—

“Lieutenant,” Erwin says, breaking you out of this fever dream. “I want you to introduce yourself to Captain Levi once he’s settled. I think it’ll be good for the two of you to meet.”

You can’t help it: when you lock eyes with the commander, you let him know exactly what you’re thinking — that you know he’s tricked you with the narrative of death, that you’re trapped between relief and grief, and you want nothing more than to cause him pain.

With the way Erwin’s expression smooths, it stands to reason this was intentional.

To see what you’d do — what Levi would do — in this moment.

Though whether or not he understands the type of reunion he’s played out, you aren’t sure.

Two days ago you wanted to die, to simply disappear at the idea of losing Levi, and now? He’s in the flesh wearing a Survey Corps uniform, manning his own squad, and…

You feel something wet slick against your palm and look down:

Red.

You’ve pressed your fingernails so hard into your hand that it's drawn blood.

“Permission to leave, Commander?” you ask, teeth grit against every syllable. “I have to get settled in myself.”

“Permission granted,” Erwin replies with authority.

You waste not a minute more to bolt into the castle.

Petra calls after you to wait for her, but the ringing in your ears, the panic attack budding in your veins, drowns her niceties out.

Levi is alive.

Levi is alive and a captain in the Survey Corps.

You have to find him.

You search for hours.

In the supply basement, in the sparring chamber, in the kitchens —

Levi is nowhere to be found.

Did you imagine him today?

The conversation with Erwin, the arrival of the Scouts… most of it feels real, but you doubt your own sanity when you cannot find your best friend.

Several doors are locked, but when you lean your ear against the wooden slab, no noise emits.

Empty.

Eventually Petra finds you stalking down a hallway and convinces you to come with her to the mess hall. Supper with the rest of the Scouts could mean he’s there, so you agree.

He isn’t.

The man they call Oluo is as pompous as he’d been outside. The others — Gunther, the buzzcut one, and Eld, the lanky blonde that asserts himself as a second-in-command — are less invasive and more so curious about how you’ve managed to get here.

All you do is ignore them and stare at the stew growing cold on your spoon.

You want to ask about Captain Levi, but you’re too afraid to speak his name — as if breathing his existence into their presence may snap the only red string tying you to what was once a dream.

When Gunther opens up a bottle of wine, you quietly excuse yourself to bed.

No one objects.

Rushing up the stairwell, you head towards the bedroom Petra assigned to you.

It takes every ounce of strength not to scream at the top of your lungs like a madwoman in the middle of the hallway from the growing stress attaching itself to your brain.

You feel crazy.

Are you crazy?

Are you just sleep deprived enough to —

Something latches onto your arm and pulls you roughly to the right. You fumble into something solid, diving headfirst until your back collides with a cooled stone wall.

A warm palm presses to your mouth to keep you from speaking.

Yet the protest would’ve died the second you saw that mop of black hair anywhere.

Levi Ackerman stands before you, pinning a hand against the wall parallel to your head while the other keeps a rough hold on your mouth. His head is bowed, the dark fringe covering half of his face, with lips parted.

The cloak is gone. The cravat is slightly out of place.

Then his chin lifts to meet your wide eyes in the dark.

Within an instant your pain, your anguish, your hatred, melts. For what feels like forever you both stare at each other in this comforting darkness, waiting for something to come next.

So he speaks, barely above a whisper and sharp like a knife’s edge:

“How?”

You tremble under his touch, eyes welling with the tears you didn’t shed earlier. The bags under Levi’s eyes twitch, and gently, slowly, he removes his hand from your mouth.

“I promised,” you whisper back, and his eyes widen to match yours.

Abruptly his hand drops from the wall to grab yours and harshly tugs you towards a door right across the hall. It’s a vacant office, pitch-black without candles or torches.

“In here,” he demands, pulling you with him.

He swings you away from him to press the door closed, cautious not to make noise. It slowly clicks into place, and he locks the two of you away from the outside world.

Just the two of you.

You can’t help yourself: you rush across the room towards to be near him, to hold him, to feel —

His hands, lightning fast, grapple your wrists and keep you from ever entering his orbit. Your feet spin from his pull, positioning you between him and the door.

You jerk to a halt, deterred by the way his eyes gradually narrow to mere slits.

(Did you do something wrong?)

“Don’t,” he orders under his breath.

“Le—”

“Answer my question first,” he tells you like you’re the enemy. Everything in your stomach drops through the floor. The necklace under your uniform button-down burns. “How?”

A beat passes as you contain your emotions. “...how what?”

“How did you get here?”

You run your tongue against the seam of your lips, deciding what you should start with. A million questions run through your mind.

Did Erwin capture you the same way he captured me? Where is Isabel? Is Furlan safe? Did you willingly join the Scouts?

Did you make a deal with the devil, too?

“Commander Erwin,” you tell him.

His expression flickers with an indiscernible emotion. "Erwin?”

“I had no choice,” you continue. “I was ambushed by the Scouts two days ago. It was either handing myself over to the Military Police or joining the Survey Corps under him.”

The grip on your wrists tighten in a pinch. “Ambushed in what way? Did they hurt you?”

“No.” You shake your head, but he shifts his weight. “I mean, a little, but it—”

“Who?” he interrupts in a murmur. “Who hurt you?”

You search his eyes for the right answer to give, uncertain if he’ll burst from the room to blow your cover at the truth.

“Some asshole named Miche, but I’m fine.” His nostrils flare, eyes darting to the door with deadly precision, but you jerk your wrists in his hands to bring his attention back to you. “Hey. I mean it, I’m fine. Besides, he’s none of my concern. Not when Erwin’s here.”

Reluctantly, Levi returns his attention to you. He hesitates with ebbing anger. “...what the hell does that mean?”

“I said yes to the Survey Corps to take Erwin out,” you tell Levi, which causes him to sharply lift his chin with apprehension. “I didn’t give a shit what happened to me. They made it sound like… like you weren’t alive anymore. They never told me you joined, too.” You swallow to coat your throat. “Did they do anything to you?”

The abrupt blink to stare at the door behind you once again is your answer: yes.

“What about everyone else?” he cryptically asks, ignoring your question.

You shake your head, deflating. “Gone. We managed to survive for almost two months. When the MP pressure got out of hand, someone turned and ratted me out. But most of them made it to safe spaces undetected, I promise.”

He doesn’t let go of your wrists, but he lessens the intensity of his grip. When you lean in closer to whisper, he leans back — determined to keep this distance intact, crushing your heart.

He watches you like an object to solve, an obstacle to overcome.

Whatever love and adoration you were met with two months ago has vanished.

“We can kill them,” you say, earning his attention once more. “All of them. I don’t care.”

Levi remains silent, immobile. Your arms go limp in the hold he keeps.

“Whatever they did to you? Whatever they did to Isa and Furlan—”

“Stop.”

“—I’ll burn every last Scout to the ground—”

“James.” He nearly barks your name to get your attention. Levi hangs his head, dropping his chin to his chest. “Just… stop. Please.”

A mere whisper of a plea.

The soft defeat in his voice is terrifying. It isn't like the Levi you remember at all. Nonetheless, you listen. You stop.

Silence envelops the room.

So this is what it meant for the two of you to come to the surface.

You managed to escape the life you desperately wanted to leave behind, but at what cost?

Even now, you both hide in the dark.

(Was living in the sun everything you had ever hoped for?)

“...what happened during the heist, Levi?”

You hate how your voice cracks between the syllables of his name. He continues to bow his head, though the sound of his rushed breath betrays his composure.

“Where’s Isabel and Furlan? Where—”

“They’re gone.”

Everything feels freezing and boiling all at the same time.

His defeated tone echoes through your mind. You wait for him to lift his head, to tell you that they’ve traveled or escaped.

He doesn’t.

You know.

You know exactly what Levi’s saying, but denial hits you like a ton of bricks.

Isabel’s cheeky, bright smile. Furlan’s all-too-cocky smirk. The sight of them in front of the blazing sun flashes through your mind until they evaporate into the light.

Death is an old friend. She’s sat at your table in Roxy’s more times than you can say. Except this feeling, this dread, this sorrow cuts deep with an iron-hot knife and slices down your torso with little remorse.

Levi refuses to look you in the eye. You can almost feel it against your forearm: the tremble of his own hand as he holds onto you for dear life.

“...when?” you ask, but you barely hear your own voice.

A pause passes.

Levi lets go of your wrists, trailing his fingers down your forearms.

“Two weeks ago.”

Tears cling to your eyes but never fall. “How?”

“Titans,” he says, words dripping with guilt. “We thought we could handle them.”

“And you saw…?”

He swallows, coating his throat. “Yeah, I saw.”

That’s all he needs to say.

Woozy in your own stance, you fall back against the door and wait — for the sob, the wail, that’s right at the base of your throat, yet you make no noise.

You relent.

Slowly you feel your legs give out, from your calves to your knees, until you’re sat on the floor. Instinctively you reach for your necklace, your last line of stability, and hold the pendant between your thumb and index finger.

Blinking hard, you squeeze your eyes together in the hopes that the world will become clearer when you open them.

It’s still dark.

You can barely make out anything besides the silhouette of Levi Ackerman.

“So this is the surface,” you whisper to yourself. “This is what we always wanted.”

Leather creaks above you until that very silhouette drops to its knees. You feel it before you see it — the reach for his fingers to find yours. They’re not as strong in conviction as they once were, as if mending from being broken.

Then he speaks, and you almost miss his words completely.

“Don’t do it.”

When you lift your chin, the tears clouding your vision finally fall and warm your cheeks. Levi stares back at you, struggling between two worlds: the one he’s always known, and the one he’s had to make with you.

Just as you endured the last two months.

“Do what?” you ask despite yourself.

“Go after him,” Levi clarifies under his breath. “Any of them.”

Your brows furrow. “But they let Isabel and Furlan die.”

“I let Isabel and Furlan die,” he argues, as if he wishes he were dead right then and there. A bone-chilling confession, a woeful repentance at your altar, as if you can grant him forgiveness he cannot find within himself. When you open your mouth to ask, he continues. “Two weeks ago they put us on a mission. I went off on my own thinking I could kill Erwin myself. I thought I could handle it. I thought if I could sneak up on him, then I could get the documents we needed to escape — then I could go back to the Underground and get you out of there, too. Assassinating the commander was my only chance to save us. Sounds like a load of fairytale bullshit out loud.”

He doesn’t sound like himself.

What was once sure and earnest comes out fractured and uncertain. Like one false move, one gentle touch, and you’ll disappear like stardust in the night.

“But once I realized titans were flanking us from every side, it was no use,” he continues, forcing his voice to stay steady. “Titans got the upper hand and massacred everyone in sight. By the time I came back, you couldn’t tell where one body started and the other ended.”

“Levi—”

“So I’m not watching you die, too.”

His black hair shakes in the moonlight. Sorrow seeps into every syllable.

“I couldn’t save Isabel. I couldn’t save Furlan.” You can see just how much his jaw clenches, threatening to break his teeth in half. “I hoped they wouldn’t find you, but Erwin’s not fucking stupid. He needed a fighter."

We need a fighter. A softer, youthful version of Levi's voice from yesterday whispers in the still air.

Both times it was said to save you.

This time, however, it feels less like salvation and more like a certified death sentence.

"And this selfishness has already bit me in the ass, I know, but I can't—" He chokes on his words, frantic to hold onto his wits. He fails. His next words hitch on a crack in his voice. "If you die, I won’t—”

Propelled by grief, you scramble from the floorboards and rise to your knees, encircling your arms around his body to pull him against you.

His entire body goes rigid, impossibly tight. Too afraid to fight back. Too afraid to let go. You embrace his fear, absorb it, consume it, desperate to show him he's no longer alone.

That you're here to the bitter end, whatever that may look like for the two of you; a blaze of glory or a soft exhale into sleep.

Cradling the back of his head with the palm of your hand, your cheek presses to his cheek.

Warmth.

A sign of life.

I'm here. I'm alive.

He smells just as you remember.

He feels just as you remember.

“I won’t,” you vow against his ear. “I won’t go after them. I'll leave Erwin alone. I won’t die on you.”

Your words deflate his entire being.

Finally, finally, his arms wrap around you and crush your torso against his. In this dark, locked room, he can bury his nose into your skin and breathe — and it’s the slowest, shakiest breath you’ve ever heard.

“Promise,” he chokes. "Promise me."

You nod, face contorting in pain from the hurt in your heart. “I promise you, Levi. I swear it.”

He doesn’t reply.

For what feels like hours you both sit in silence, mourning — remembering — all that you’ve lost to get here. On the floor, in the dark, he holds you close while no one else can see. You embrace him with all your might.

(Until the bitter end — you can promise you'll live, that you'll be by his side, right until the last possible moment.)

Eventually he speaks quietly against your cheek. His words are languid again, smooth like hot tea.

“I saw your pack in my old room.”

Your heart flutters as you pull your head from his, staring him in the eye. Your vision has adjusted by now, focusing solely on his pale face.

“My what?”

“Pack,” he repeats. “They stuck you in our old room — Furlan and Isabel used to be in there, too.”

The bunk beds. A mixture of sadness and relief swirls in your gut.

"And where are you?"

"Erwin moved me into my own room. Said a captain should get their own space," his eyes flicker to yours. "It's just across from you."

You sit up straighter. "So you're... near me?"

Levi nods. “As if I’d be letting you out of my damn sight anyway. I spent the entire day trying to come up with a fucking excuse."

"For what, the logistics of me sneaking into your room when no one's watching?" you tease, but the humor is exhausted on your tongue.

"No one's ever caught you before," he replies with a wit that's entirely Levi. It almost makes you smile.

He runs a hand along your waistline, then raises his palm to lightly press the pad of his thumb against your lower lip.

“Erwin’s aware of our business connection, but I don’t think he knows…”

He trails off, seemingly memorized by the way your lip moves under the guidance, the pull, of his thumb.

A feeling stirs in your belly, one that has been dormant for weeks.

“...but you don’t think he knows beyond that,” you finish softly, bringing him back to reality. His gray eyes meet yours, half-lidded and exhausted. He nods once. “So we keep our past a secret.”

“Just us,” he agrees.

“For as long as we can,” you finish.

His thumb drops from your lip to your chin. Your gaze drops from his eyes to his lips.

Waiting.

"They opened the wine in the mess hall," you add in a murmur.

"Means those shitheads plan to pull an all-nighter," he murmurs back. "They have a thing for commiserating."

"So we have time." A beat passes. "And I'm just across the hall."

"My room's desolate," Levi warns.

"I don't give a fuck," you reply, refusing to waste another second.

Your hand seeks the nape of his neck.

His palms cradle the sides of your face.

And after what feels like an eternity, your lips crash.

author's note: WE GOT A REUNION AYE-YOOOOOO. So happy that these two very sad idiots found each other again. Sorry for the pain. We only have about 3 more chapters of flashbacks to go, and then we will be returning to the present.

Thank you so much for you patience and wonderful comments and reblogs and eeeeverything. Seriously. I am so very grateful for your support. A reminder that I am going to switch to a bi-weekly Friday update - I will see you for Chapter 18!

tag list: @lazylizzy3 @notgoodforlife @sad-darksoul @dailydoseof-love @maliakealoha @nube55 @kateastrophies @blinkingsuns @gomigami @voidszoro @tanyeonn @chishiyasan @im-just-a-simp-le-whore @nomi98 @urfavcelestialangel @milkersonmac @blossomedfloweroflove @carries-blenders-and-stuff @hurtcomfortwhore @ahxiaoshi @littlerequiem

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seeingivy · 11 months

Text

elevated heart rates

levi ackerman x f!reader

levi’s a mind reader and you’re a love expert

content: grad student levi, brain researchers, nile being a weirdo freak (sorry yall), mentions of drinking, levi is shirtless at one point, reader has claustrophobia

an: started my big girl brain research fellowship today. hence - brain jargon and GRAD STUDENT LEVI

The room is small - the nineteen of you cramming into the small space of the conference room. You’re located directly at the front, sitting next to your advisor, Dot Pyxis. A leading expert in the field, one of the first neuroscientists you had met at a conference when you were a freshman in college.

You saw it - the way his eyes lighted up, the way he was stumbling over his words because he was so excited to explain what he did everyday that you wanted that. To be that excited about something. And here you were, sitting next to him about to make it happen.

You moved to Marley two months ago for this very moment. Your first day at the Brain Consortium - one of the best neuroscience research labs in the country, led by Pyxis himself. He was going to co-advise your thesis, guide you into becoming an expert in the field. Unlike any other, this lab was barely limited to one field, instead equipped with researchers from many different departments, the projects, the papers entirely interdisciplinary.

There was no other place like it. You can feel your hands shaking as you hand over your hard drive, your presentation loaded on to it. Pyxis had explained it all - there were weekly lab meetings where everyone came together, presenting their research. Everyone gave feedback, asked questions to help further expand and build on the projects.

And it was your turn. On your very first day, you were expected to explain. What you were going to research, what you were going to contribute, what you were excited about.

It’s fucking nerve wracking. Pyxis stands up, giving you one last shoulder squeeze, before introducing everyone in the lab to you. He points everyone out - the other assistant professors, post-doctoral researchers, and the other PhD students.

“Hange Zoe, Erwin Smith, Levi Ackerman, Petra Ral, and Nile Dok. The other PhD students. I want the five of you to give her a tour of the lab after.”

They all nod, a few of them giving you encouraging smiles as you start. Pyxis turns to you, taking your seat at the table as you take the pointer in your hands, starting your presentation.

“Right. Um, I’m F/N L/N. It’s nice to meet you all. I, um, completed my undergraduate studies at Shiganshina University. I got a b-bachelors in applied neuroscience and computational biology. I’ll be presenting my thesis project pr-proposal.”

You hate this shit. You’re stuttering over your words and they’re all staring back, completely uninterested in your work. The PhD students in front of you aren’t even taking you seriously - the girl with glasses nearly stumbling off her chair from sliding around on it and the guy with dark black, grey steely eyes more interested in his cup of fucking tea than what you were talking about.

“Right, so. My project aims to study interoceptive signals - like heartbeat, respiration cycles, blood pressure - and use them to predict and decode intentions. These small biomarkers, entirely unconscious to us, are consistent during decision making, unbeknownst to us. We can exploit that - to understand higher level cognition.”

You’ve got their attention - you can tell. This is always the easy part, drawing them in - the woman from before stopped sliding on her chair, instead leaning forward with her eyes shining at your slides, the guy with the tea momentarily flickering his eyes up to the screen.

“You can use it to predict how people act, how they feel. Especially for something like heart rate, which is what I want to focus on, you can understand so many things - anxiety, stress, companionship, sexual attraction, romance.”

You see one of the PhD students murmur under his breath, interrupting you in your stead. Nile, they said his name was.

“So you want to be a…love expert?”

The entire room laughs, giving you smiles as you continue on. You give him a smile, responding.

“I guess you could say that.”

You continue on - highlighting how the brain regulates these signals, what equipment you’ll be using to record all of it.

They clap when you’re done. Success.

You feel fully settled into the lab, a few months later. You’ve decorated your tiny cubicle, directly in the middle with the other PhD students, with a few knick knacks - a picture of you and your best friend, a tiny little green figurine your parents gifted you, and a rack for your headphones.

You’re located in the section with the other PhD students, who are…interesting.

On the first day, they lead you to take the cubicle directly next to Hange, which you realized was a bad idea. Because they set you up. Hange’s a biochemist - doing research on the brain tissue at the molecular level, trying to understand how glioblastomas progress. Meaning - they’re always playing with chemicals at their desk, sometimes too lazy to walk over to the lab, which leads to some interesting smells and…smokes in your area.

They never get in trouble, because Erwin and Petra always come to save the day. They’re both leading policy experts, studying volition and decision making in hopes to use in applications to the law and judicial systems. Figuring out why criminals commit crimes, using it for to serve justice. They cover up the evidence, distract Pyxis and Shadis, and talk their way out of it on Hange’s behalf.

And that leaves Nile, who isn’t particularly your favorite. He’s a bit hard to get along with, not exactly personable per say. He’s researching microdosing and addiction - trying to figure out how we can manipulate medicines or drugs into being more or less addictive.

You almost forgot about him. Levi, who's currently leading you to the MRI room on the other side of the building. Definitely the most intriguing of all of your colleagues - using transcranial brain stimulation to decode intentions. In less jargony terms, he read minds.

He puts the decisions made on the tests into algorithms, correcting it until the machines can predict the decisions being made perfectly - that can be applied to anyone, not just singular participants. He’s coding human thought into machines. And doing it successfully.

Levi’s quiet, perplexing, and intelligent. An enigma. He’s stood out to you, more than anyone else, for the simple reason that he’s the only one who doesn’t want to talk to you. Hange invites you out for drinks, Petra introduced you to her boyfriend, Erwin bought you a birthday present even though you didn’t tell anyone it was your birthday, and Nile asked you on a date (which you obviously declined).

But Levi doesn’t care. You don’t either, but it does intrigue you at times. Why he’s so quiet, so closed off, what he’s always doing on his laptop, who he texts on his breaks. This was the first time you were alone with him - getting roped into participating in his newest study.

“Newbie has to do it.”

“Do what, Hange?”

“Levi likes to experiment on all of our brains. You’ve never done it and he needs someone, so we’re volunteering you.”

Hange and Erwin pull you up by the wrists, all but pushing you out of the conference room into Levi’s cubicle, where you almost trip and fall over him. He looks up - already deeply uninterested with the three of you standing in his space - as he removes his hands from his keyboard.

“What, brats?”

“I’m not participating. She is. Take her away!”

He looks between the three of you, clearly unamused with how nonchalant Hange was being about the whole thing, as they knocked over Levi’s stack of books on the floom. They nearly shake his entire frame in their hands as they thanked him profusely for not making them participate.

Erwin picks up the stack of books - somehow shuffling them all out of order as Levi gets even more frustrated - shooing the two of them out of his space. After successfully removing them, you and Levi walk towards the MRI room, all the way across the building, in silence.

When you get there, he taps his hand on the platform, signaling for you to sit on it. You obediently follow, still not uttering an entire word. You watch him mill around the room - pressing switches, using the intercom to communicate with the operator, turning the lights off.

“Wearing any metal?”

“My necklace. I’ll take it off.”

You reach up, awkwardly fumbling with the clasp as he watches you, his hands pressed to his sides as he waits. You’re not sure what it is - how sweaty your hands are, the way he’s looking at you, awkwardly waiting for you to finish - but you can’t get the clasp off, your hold shaking behind your hair.

“I can help you.”

You meekly nod, getting off the platform. Before you can, he reaches forward, his slender hands gathering your hair before placing them across the side to your shoulder. You feel his knuckles against your nape, quickly unlatching the necklace and fixing your hair back into place.

“I’ll hold it for you.”

You get back onto the platform, lying flat, as Levi uses the intercom to signal to Armin, one of the undergraduate students who worked in the MRI building. You can feel the platform sliding you into the tube and you suddenly feel it.

Your claustrophobia. Every horrible thought you can imagine is running through your head as the machine starts whirring, your heart pounding in your chest. An earthquake - the machine would crush you. The magnets can be too fast, the machine malfunctioning while you’re stuck inside it. There could be a fire and you would be left here, everyone leaving you and locking you out of the room.

“You okay?”

“Y-yeah, Armin. Sorry. I get a bit claustrophobic, that’s all.”

“Okay, take your time. Try to stay still so we can get better pictures.”

You nod, trying to still your breaths as the machine whirrs on again. You can feel your nails digging into your palms, as you try to calm down, the panic still sitting in your chest. You feel a hand circle around your ankle, squeezing twice, as the machine keeps going.

“You okay, Newbie?”

“Yeah, Levi. I’m okay.”

“I’m here. Get out if you’re uncomfortable. I’ll just drag Shitty Glasses by the scalp to do it instead of you.”

You laugh, his hold still firm on your ankle. You try to focus on it - the fine print on the machine, your back against the platform, his fingers on your skin as the machine keeps going, your panic still writhing in your chest. The MRI finishes - Levi giving you one last squeeze before the platform slides out and you nearly jump out of the machine.

You and Levi walk back to the main lab, in silence. When you get there, Levi gives Hange’s ponytail one big yank before settling back into his cubicle, giving you a soft smile before you return to yours.

It’s Levi’s turn to present for the lab meeting. The lab is going to Hizuru for Sigtuna, one of the largest neuroscience conferences to date. The PhD students are all presenting posters, except Levi who was invited to give a talk.

You had been helping Levi as of late - working with him to identify the sulcuses and the lobes on all of Levi’s MRIs. He had no experience in magnetic resonance imaging whatsoever - something you had spent years learning during undergrad. So the two of you had worked out a system - you helped him with identifying the images and helped you troubleshoot your code for your tasks whenever you needed it (which was often).

You spent a lot of time together - even if it wasn’t direct. You’d sit in silence in the main conference room, working for hours. He’d bring you a cup of coffee and you would pick up dinner, talking through ideas as you finished off your projects.

You had helped him write the grant for the talk instead of the poster, helping him with all the physiological portions. He taught you how to do all the analysis for yours - the two of you often the one’s leaving the lab latest, Levi walking you to your car in the dark before walking off to his own.

You were friends. Project partners.

He gives you one last look before starting the presentation and you shoot him a thumbs up under the table, which he returns with a smile. He’s explaining - using your brain and Hange’s as the sample templates to explain what he was doing - what parts of the brain he has to use for his machine learning.

“This is Newbie’s and this is Hange’s brain. In theory, each part of the brain is slightly bigger, depending on what parts of your brain you exercise more. For example, Hange is involved in more motor-dexterity - running all their projects by hand. This part of the sulcus is more developed, bigger because of it, compared to Newbie.”

Nile nudges you on the side, whispering something about how he can give you something to do with your hands if you needed it. You roll your eyes, awkwardly shuffling farther as you refocus on what Levi was saying.

“This part of the brain is more developed for Newbie, the Brodmann areas - associated with critical thinking, higher level cognition, decision making. Good thing I didn’t use your brain, Dok. We wouldn’t even be able to catch it on the image if we used yours.”

The entire room laughs - Nile sulking in his chair as Levi continues. You don’t miss the look he gives you afterwards, his eyes uncharacteristically soft when he meets yours, as he continues the presentation.

When he finishes, Pyxis goes over the room assignments, mentioning that there were three rooms for all the PhD students - meaning a few of you would have to pair up. You turn your neck to look at Petra, who's already nodding and agreeing with Hange that they would room together. You deflate, watching Erwin and Levi pair up. Which leaves you next to Nile, who's all but too excited to be your partner.

He slings his arm around your shoulder, saying that you guys can share the bed if it gets cold at night, which leaves you shooting dangerous looks at Hange. Levi catches on first, immediately dragging Erwin over to where the two of you were standing.

“Dok. Erwin is going to room with you.”

“Says who?”

“Says me. Don’t argue with me today, I’m already sick of you.”

Levi grabs you by the wrist, dragging you towards the other side of the room as he rambles on.

“What a fucking idiot. First he interrupts me during my talk and then starts saying perverted shit like that. Someone’s going to smack him upside the head one day and I surely hope for my sake it’s me.”

You wrap your arms around his neck, squeezing him twice before letting go.

“Thank you for that - I was literally going to vomit if I had to room with him.”

“Well, I told you before. I’m here if you’re uncomfortable.”

You nod, the two of you walking into the conference room to make edits to your presentation.

You and Levi come back to your hotel room after the conference, positively plastered. He’d all but given his talk perfectly and your poster won an award at the end - which meant you and Levi were celebrating well into the night.

You had your arms slung around each other, your weight uneven, as you both slide back into the hotel room, falling onto the singular bed in the room. You and Levi were greeted with the unpleasant sight earlier in the day - you and Levi both insisting that you would be the ones to sleep on the couch.

You’re both lying face up on the bed - your cheeks flushed, your chests heaving up and down, the only sound in the room being your shaky breaths. Your hands are still locked together, your brain fuzzy from the events of the night.

You and Levi amble up after a few minutes, both attempting to change into your pajamas and go to bed. You ogle Levi as he takes his shirt off, watching from the side of the mirror. He catches you, walking closer to you. He still reeks of beer, still shaking on his feet.

He leans over, pressing his forehead against yours as you hold onto his arms, grounding your fingers into his biceps. He’s still not wearing a shirt, his bare chest on display. You fight the urge to stare at him full on.

“You’re smart, Y/N.”

“You’re smart too, Levi.”

“Did you pay attention during my talk?”

“Y-yes. You code the information, like a puzzle, to figure out what people’s intentions are.”

“Hm. You be me. I’ll give you the information and you figure it out, okay?”

You nod, barely understanding what he was getting at as you lean into him. You can feel the buzz dying down, the tiredness setting into your bones.

“I’m not a mind reader like you, Levi.”

“You’ll get this one. You’re my smart girl.”

He reaches down, securing his hands around your waist as he pulls you closer to him. Your hands and frame are pressed against his chest, his skin cold to the touch.

“You caught my eye on the first day, with your perfectly pressed hair and that stupid black skirt.”

You can feel your breath catch in your throat, the sound not leaving your throat.

“You take the cubicle two feet down from mine and I can’t help but watch you - reorganize your desk, get up to get water, scribble things on the whiteboard.”

You can feel his heartbeat get faster against your hear, his grip on your waist tightening. You’re suddenly too aware of what’s happening - Levi, PhD Levi, is shirtless, hugging you in a hotel room. The lights are dim, there’s only one bed, and he’s holding you.

“I don’t work with other people at the lab, but when you ask, I do. I leave the lab way past the required time, willingly spending more time in a room with that idiot Nile in it just because you’re in it too.”

“Levi.”

“I’m not done.”

“It drives me crazy, every time Nile talks to you, touches you, looks at you. I want to sock him in the face - because he’s not nearly good enough for you. Not that anyone could be, but for some idiot like that to think he stands a chance is next level infuriating.”

He releases his hands from your face, lifting his hands to cup your face. His touch his soft, his thumb caressing the burning skin on your cheeks as his eyes meet yours.

“I think about you all the time. When I wake up, when I go to sleep, when I eat my breakfast. When I’m not with you, I just want to be around you. And when I’m around you, I want to be with you.”

He leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. His lips are pillowy soft, his breath tickling the edges of your forehead.

“What does it mean? Figure out my intentions, smart girl.”

You can feel your entire body burning, your head still spinning - from the alcohol, Levi’s touch, his words ringing in your ears.

“You…like me.”

“That’s a fact. Not an intention.”

“You…want to kiss me?”

He smiles, leaning forward to press his lips to yours. The kiss is warm, the taste of the beer still hanging on his lips. You can feel his hands moving, carding through your hair as you reach up to press your hand against his shoulders. He kisses you for a long time - your body burning at the entire sensation. He breaks apart, still smiling against your lips.

“Smart girl.”

“Do you…remember my research, Levi? From the first day?”

“I’ve memorized every single thing you’ve ever said to me.”

You can feel your cheeks flushing, Levi’s hands returning to squish the sides of your face. You grab one of his hands, opening up his fingers and placing it flat against your chest. You move his hand around, until you’re sure he can feel your heart - which is pounding in your chest.

“Heart rate can give away a great deal. The biomarker can help you understand a lot of different emotions. Figure out which one I’m feeling, Levi.”

He leans forward, pressing soft kisses all over your face as he starts asking.

“Anxiety?” - a soft kiss, right on top of your head.

“No.”

“Stress?” - a light kiss, right on your closed eyelids.

“No, Levi.”

“Companionship.” - a sweet kiss, right on your lips.

“Yes. But that’s not the one I was looking for.”

You watch a smirk spread across his face as he leans down, spreading soft kisses all along your neck. He murmurs against your neck, a hint of teasing in his voice.

“Sexual attraction?”

“Levi. Quit being a tease.”

“Shut up, brat.”

“No. You missed one, Levi.”

“What was it?”

“Love. A heartbeat can give away a great deal - can even be used to indicate and understand romantic feelings.”

He press his hand against your chest again, your heart still hammering.

“It’s fast. What does that mean?”

“That I love you.”

You see a big smile spread across his face, reaching all the way up to his eyes. You see him now and you think it’s the best he’s ever looked - messy black hair, pink cheeks, squinted eyes. He reaches down, opening your fingers and placing them against his bare chest. You can feel his heart hammering in his chest.

“Fast.”

“Yeah. Means I love you too, smart girl.”

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youre-ackermine · 1 month

Text

Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin // Attack on Titan

Fanfiction, headcanons & moodboards posted here on Tumblr

Fanfiction & headcanons posted on AO3

English is not my usual language

Posted: 03/30/2024 || Last update: 04/20/2024

Levi Ackerman x Reader

Under the Mistletoe • Tumblr // AO3

Don't you dare! • Tumblr // AO3

Levi Ackerman x Hange Zoe (Levihan)

Sunburst • Tumblr // AO3

Belated Birthday • Tumblr // AO3

Echo • Tumblr // AO3 • for @dont-f-with-moogles

Dumbstruck • Tumblr // AO3

Night Out • Tumblr // AO3

Flushing • Tumblr // AO3

Lips like Sugar • Tumblr // AO3 • fanart by wolfstar13_ on Instagram

Troublée (part one) • Tumblr // AO3

Levi Ackerman x Petra Ral (Rivetra)

[coming soon]

Levi Ackerman x Erwin Smith (Eruri)

[coming soon]

Levi Ackerman x Miche Zacharias (Rivamike)

[coming soon]

Levi Ackerman x Hange Zoe x Erwin Smith (Erurihan)

[coming soon]

Hange Zoe x Pieck Finger (Pikuhan)

Behind the Scenes • Tumblr // AO3

Hange Zoe x Erwin Smith (Eruhan)

[coming soon]

Erwin Smith x Reader

[coming soon]

Erwin Smith x Miche Zacharias (Mikeeru/Erumike)

[coming soon]

Levi Ackerman

Levi's Birthday 2023 + moodboard • Tumblr // AO3

[coming soon]

Levi Ackerman x Hange Zoe (Levihan)

Postwar!Levihan Valentine's Day 2024 + moodboard • Tumblr // AO3

Our First Christmas + moodboard • Tumblr // AO3

Sunday Walk • Tumblr // AO3 • inspired by @ashh-ketchup 's fanart

Hange Zoe x Erwin Smith (Eruhan)

[coming soon]

Jean Kirstein x Reader

Jean Kirstein x Fem!Reader Valentine's Day 2024 + moodboard • Tumblr // AO3

Historia Reiss x Ymir (Yumihisu)

Yumihisu Band AU + headcanons • Tumblr // AO3

Levi Ackerman

Love Bites (NSFW) with @leviismybby • Tumblr // AO3

Levi's Fingers (NSFW) • Tumblr // AO3

Levi Ackerman / Levi Week 2023 Event

for @leviweek2023

Day 1 Tea Shop

Day 2 Underground City

Day 3 Affection and Fondness

Day 4 Dad / Family

Day 5 Vampire AU // No Name Band

Day 6

Day 7

Day 8

Levi Ackerman x Reader

TattooArtist!Levi for @stellar-smth || fanfiction Under your Skin

Postwar!Levi fanfiction inspo "Mursa" for @sixpennydame || fanfiction North Star

Postwar!Levi fanfiction inspo "Postwar Fort Salta" for @sixpennydame || fanfiction North Star

Levi Ackerman x Hange Zoe (Levihan)

No Name #1

No Name #2 [coming soon]

Postwar!Levihan Valentine's Day 2024 + headcanons

Our First Christmas + headcanons

Student!Levihan for @smol-lydia || fanfiction I Wanna Make a Couple Bad Decisions (with you)

Scouts!Levihan for @this-is-krikkit

Valentine's Day 2023

Levi Ackerman x Petra Ral (Rivetra)

Rivetra for @love4-bunny

Levi Ackerman x Farlan Church (Levifar)

[coming soon]

Erwin Smith x Reader

[coming soon]

Erwin Smith x Miche Zacharias (Mikeeru/Erumike)

[coming soon]

Eren Jaeger x Mikasa Ackerman (Eremika)

[coming soon]

Jean Kirstein x Reader

Jean x Fem!Reader Valentine's Day 2024 + headcanons

Historia Reiss x Ymir (Yumihisu)

Yumihisu Band AU + headcanons

Header & dividers: @youre-ackermine || Do not use without credit 💟

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jayteacups · 2 years

Note

Hi there can I get a Levi x female reader who is the newest edition to his squad. Reader is such a badass on the field, and takes down a Titan with such grace and skill but back inside the walls, away from Titan territory, she’s a blushing shy little thing and Levi finds that so endearing. Oh, and with a jealous Petra too when she realises her captain paying a little too much attention to their newest comrade. Lots of fluff between Levi and reader please

And So It Begins.

On the field, you are a force to be reckoned with. Off the field, it is almost the exact opposite. Either way, you catch your Captain’s eye, and so it begins.

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x fem!Reader

Tags and warnings: Fluff, a smidge of emotional hurt/comfort, descriptions of canon-typical violence, mentioned leisurely alcohol consumption towards the end, love confessions, happy ending

Word count: 5.8k

A/N: Hey! I had so much fun writing this. I hope you don’t mind that Petra won’t be villianised (because that is my least favourite trope in Levi x Reader fics like ever) - so she’s going to be softly pining from a distance and not be mean because I just feel that’s OOC for her. Without further ado..... enjoy the fic! I also only proofread this briefly because i am impatient and hate proofreading, so there may be mistakes sorry lol

A number of stray titans stumble across the fields, maws dripping with saliva, large glassy eyes wide and unblinking. The sight has you gripping the handles of your ODM gear tightly. The pack descends upon the Squad riding in formation next to yours, and despite your impressive track record as a soldier, seeing blood spray from between a titan’s jaw never fails to make you gasp in horror. The soldier’s legs fall from the titan’s mouth, and his fellow squad members scream his name. Their wails of grief make your stomach churn and your breath hitch. Every fibre of your body is on edge, waiting to dive into action. Anger threatens to suffocate you, but you take a few deep inhales, shaking your head. You’d been recently added to the Special Operations Squad for your calm demeanour in the field, and you were not about to let one gruesome death shake you. No, too many lives were at stake.

“We’re engaging,” Levi hisses under his breath the moment it becomes clear that the rest are too distraught to handle the titans themselves. “Bozado, I want you to deal with the 10-metre. Ginn, Schultz, you two dispatch the 12-metre together. Ral, you and I will sort out the 15-metre.” Levi’s piercing gaze suddenly cuts to you as he utters your surname. “I want you to take on that last one.”

You falter, staring at the final titan. It’s almost as large as the one Eld and Gunther would be taking on. Did Levi truly trust you to take it on all by yourself? You, when two seasoned veterans would need to work together to take down another titan of a similar size?

Levi barks your surname again, and you blink. He’s still staring at you, brow furrowed. “Snap out of it. I wouldn’t tell you to do anything I don’t think you’re capable of, you hear me?”

“Yes, sir,” you say firmly. Internally, you chastise yourself. Insecurities get you killed. Hesitation gets you killed. Levi has drilled this into all of you repeatedly for the last few months, and even before your recent promotion into his squad, it is a concept you are more than familiar with.

He nods. His features don’t soften upon your acknowledgement, but his eyes linger on you for a moment, just a moment, before he turns back around. “I don’t want any of you to die on me. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir!” All five of you respond in unison.

“Prepare to engage!” Levi says, before flicking the reins and turning his horse towards the fray. You follow suit, close on his heels. One of the titans, your target, turns its head upon seeing the newcomers. Your resolve hardens, and you feel your features settle into a snarl.

“Switch to gear! Engage!”

You immediately hop up on the saddle of your horse and leaping up into the trees, heading straight towards the final titan your Captain had assigned you to. Muscle memory kicks in, and you grapple onto the nearest branch, determined to land even a single blow on the titan before it breaches the treeline.

Perhaps a younger, greener version of you would’ve taunted the titan, snarling a one-liner that would’ve sounded cool to a fresh-faced recruit in the field for the first time. The cockiness has long since been beaten out of you.

The titan’s arms are long - that would prove to be a problem if you don’t deal with it immediately. Frowning, you hurtle towards the titan from behind, grappling onto a nearby tree. As the wires reel you in, you make a large swipe with your blades, arms aching under the force of your blow. The swords dig into the titan’s left shoulder and cut through bone, muscle and tendons that at first resist but ultimately break to the cold, unforgiving metal of your weapon and the force of your attack.

One arm down. The other follows soon before it can process its left arm has been disabled, which blunts your blades, and the titan is left with useless arms that dangle limply at its sides. Steam erupts from the wounds in its shoulders–lots of it. If you don’t act quickly now, you won’t be able to see a damn thing in all this steam.

You shake your head, draw a new set of blades and push off from the tree.

Grunting, you grapple onto the hip of your target, and in one smooth motion, you glide through the air, swooping low in an arc that has you near skimming the ground. With all your might, you swing your blades through the tendons of the titan’s right foot. Warm, hot titan blood splashes all across your clothes and face, and you curse as the steam begins to occlude your vision. Using the leftover momentum from your first attack, you slash at the other ankle that is hovering mid-step before rapidly retreating, pressing hard on your gas trigger. The titan, unable to stand, topples on its face. The force of its fall reverberates through your bones, but it does not faze you, and the nape is slashed with ease.

Emerging from the steam, you discard your blades. You shake your head with a sigh, you’d wasted two sets of blades on one titan, and half your gas. Around you, chaos has erupted, but you note that Levi and Petra’s target has long since dispatched, its corpse already more bone than flesh, and that after they’d split up to help the others, Levi had made a beeline straight for you.

“No need, sir,” you pant as he lands on the ground in front of you. Ignoring the ache in your upper arms and back from the exertion, you confirm, “it’s dead.”

As Levi surveys the scene in front of him - you, filthy but unhurt, and the steaming corpse of a 12-metre titan lying prone behind you - a traitorous thought creeps into the back of your mind: his eyes are really pretty.

Said pretty eyes snap towards you. “I saw it all,” he says, after a pause. “That was a very efficient kill. Your hard work is paying off.”

You can’t quite believe it, feeling just like the day you’d found out he’d picked you to join his squad. Straight-forwardly positive acknowledgement is so rare from him, yet here he is, dishing it out to you. You - the newest addition to the squad, on your very first expedition as a Special Ops member.

You salute. “Thank you, sir!”

Your heart is still beating furiously from the exertion, though you’re not one hundred percent sure that’s the sole reason. Suddenly, you become hyper aware of the absolute state you were in, drenched in titan blood still steaming off of you. You wipe your forehead with the back of your hand, and when you look down at your hand, it comes away slathered in blood. Something inside you cringes at the sight; perhaps Levi’s clean-freak tendencies are rubbing off on you.

“Here.”

A handkerchief suddenly enters your vision.

His handkerchief.

You pause. This is simply uncharacteristic; Levi always reserves them for himself and his weaponry, he’s always insisting on other people bringing their own. Puzzled, you reach forward. Why would he give you his own handkerchief when one sat in your pocket neatly folded? At his own orders, nonetheless? But you aren’t about to reject his kind offer, so you accept.

“Thanks,” you say, breath hitching as your fingertips graze against his whilst taking the handkerchief. You could swear his breath had stuttered too at that, and that the tips of his ears were a little redder than usual, but Levi is swivelling on his heel and mumbling something about regrouping before you can even stop to think.

You staunchly chalk up the warmth in your cheeks from the physical exertion as you quickly clean up and regroup with the others.

----------

Hair stands up on the back of his neck. That odd yet familiar sensation–the one he has felt ever since that street fight all those years ago–takes over him. The closest thing Levi can liken it to is lightning; raw, unrestrained energy that zips down his spine and awakens his cells.

Trouble is nearby.

He inhales to give the order. In the corner of his eye, he sees you straighten up, feels your eyes on him, attentive. Ever since that expedition where he’d watched you take out a titan all by yourself, Levi has been very hyper aware of every minute movement you made. Every blink, every twitch, every cough. Now, he’d much rather leave the scientific observations to Hange, but as of late, he has observed an interesting dichotomy about you.

How fierce you are on the field, on the training courses. The way you move through the air with your gear; almost dancing upon the wind like the fairies of myth, as if gravity was but a mere rumour to you. He doesn’t doubt you could go toe to toe with him one day, with time and practice.

Yet the moment you are no longer focused on combat, you are soft-spoken and bashful. Levi vividly remembers the moment the two of you had arrived back after your first expedition on his squad. He vividly remembers how flustered you had been when trying to give back his handkerchief - after you had carefully washed it clean, of course. (He’d insisted you keep it. He’s still not sure why.) He’s all too aware of the way you immediately look down and nervously laugh off Eld’s compliments on your ODM gear technique, or the way you fiddle with your ODM straps and shyly squeak ‘yes, please’ when Gunther offers to do something so minimal as to refill your water canteen in an attempt to flirt.

(He has also, coincidentally, observed how a strange, ugly feeling rears up within him upon seeing said squad member flirt with you - and observed he had felt what might be akin to relief when you’d politely rejected Gunther’s proper attempt to ask you on a date.

But, of course, those additional observations that Levi has made are irrelevant.)

It is an endearing contrast, if Levi has to admit it to himself. Your impressive battle prowess outside of the Walls, versus your timid nature off the field. And now, he cannot help but notice you every time you are in his immediate vicinity, cannot help but think about you when you are not.

His throat feels dry all of a sudden. “Something’s wrong.”

“I feel it too,” you say. He raises his brow at that - he doubts you have the same strange, inexplicable instincts he has, but Levi supposes you’ve always been very observant.

“Keep your eyes peeled,” he murmurs, before all hell suddenly breaks loose.

It is madness - the horde of abnormals has gotten the sneak on everyone. His squad splits up soon after the first attack; and he barely has time to even think about how you or his other subordinates are doing, lest he get distracted from his own fights. He falls into the same-old rhythm, a film of clarity sharpening his instincts and honing his movements.

He’s not entirely sure what happens next; the following six hours are a blur of bloodshed and steam.

Perhaps the one good thing about Erwin’s particular methods of record-keeping and his insistence of nearly every foot soldier filling out mission reports is that every gap is filled after the battle. Can’t leave a single stone unturned, the Commander would say, sifting through each and every report - sometimes even forcing Levi into it too, killing two birds with one stone: practicing his literacy, and helping Erwin summarise every soldiers’ perspective of the expedition into a coherent account.

And so this is where Levi finds himself now: holed up in his office, hair still damp from his bath, sifting through the reports his subordinates have handed in before turning in for the night. His hands shake - from relief that all five of you survived to see tomorrow morning, from grief for those who weren’t as lucky, from exhaustion… he’s not sure; he’s never been particularly good at distinguishing how he feels.

As he scribbles down his own report to add to the file he’ll have to hand to Erwin soon, his trigger fingers ache, making it difficult to grip his pen properly. Words form on the page painfully slowly, and he is just about ready to give up on his report and attempt to sleep when he hears a light knock on his door.

He frowns. A quick glance to the clock tells him nobody else should be awake. Everybody else usually passes out from exhaustion around this time.

“Name and business.” He calls.

Your gentle voice reports your surname from the other side. “It’s nothing urgent, but I brought you some tea, sir.”

Tea? “Come in,” he says, a little softer. “What are you doing up so late?”

You nudge open the door with your hip, carefully balancing the tray of tea in your hands. It smells fragrant, but it isn’t his own stash. “I, uh, couldn’t sleep, and wanted to make myself some tea… on my way to the mess hall, I saw the candlelight from under your door, and figured I could make enough for two… if you’d like some.” Your eyes dart around the room nervously, hesitant to meet his own.

“I would. Take a seat.” He gets up and draws the chair opposite to his own seat. You smile softly as you set the tray down, and there it is again, the feeling of butterflies flapping away inside his stomach. “This isn’t the tea I usually drink.”

You look almost doe-eyed, looking up from the drink you are pouring. “Oh, I… yeah, it’s mine. I bought it from the market a couple of weeks ago, it’s a raspberry and lemon blend. Would you like to try it? If not, I can go pour out another pot of the black tea you like, the kettle in the kitchen is still hot.”

Levi’s a man of habit - and rarely does he stray from them. But he finds himself nodding, “no need, I’ll give this a try.”

And oh boy, is he glad he did.

Glancing up at you over the rim of his cup, he says, “it’s nice.” A little tangy and bitter, not too overwhelmingly sweet like he’d expected from a fruity tea blend. You smile bashfully, taking a sip out of your own cup.

“I’m glad you like it.”

Levi watches your eyes wander around the desk, still too shy to hold more than a fraction of a second of eye contact with him. Cute. Then, the sweetly bashful expression from your face drops to a more sombre one upon recognising the half-finished report on his desk, and something in his stomach turns at that. The sight of seeing you so troubled, face suddenly drawn and ashen…

“Was I interrupting your work?” You’re just as quiet as you were before, but now, your words come out more slowly, more resigned.

You could never, is what he wants to say. “No. I was about to stop. It’s fine.” He sifts through the pile of papers, sorts them into a neat pile to one side. The report you’d written somehow makes its way to the top of the pile. He’s already committed the statistics from your report to memory. Half a dozen Scouts confirmed dead, all of them eaten by 2 abnormals that had been killed quickly when you’d arrived on the scene.

Nodding, face downcast, you sip at your tea. There are dark shadows under your eyes where there usually isn’t, and suddenly–

“How’d you do it?”

Levi sets down his cup. “How do I do what?”

You shake your head, your breathing picking up a little. Shoulders tensing, you gesture vaguely with your hands. “I-I don’t know, just… all of it. Staying strong. Continuing to fight even when all seems lost.”

This isn’t like you, all sad and tired and lost. But, he knows this best, guilt and regret twists minds beyond comprehension.

“I’m still looking for the answer to that myself.” Oh, he has not a single idea as to what to say that could truly make you feel better, this has never been his strong suit. “I guess… the knowledge that in the moment, I made the choices I think I’d regret the least, is what keeps my mind clear.” At least for most of the time, he adds, internally. “Is this about what happened today?”

You nod.

He reaches for your report again, smooths the paper flat in the centre of the desk and finds the crucial few lines. “‘I was roughly 425 metres away from the most nearby squad within the formation when a couple of abnormal titans, both of which were capable of running and jumping, strayed from the main horde and targeted them instead.’” He reads out. “‘Levi Squad had been dispersed across the battlefield at this moment in time. Everybody else was engaged in some fight of their own, and I had just finished dispatching a pure titan. I attempted to cross the distance between me and the squad under attack. I estimate that I emptied half my gas in the seconds spent trying to reach them. I was less than 50 metres away when the final soldier that remained, Squad Leader Stein, was seized by the 10-metre abnormal and bitten in half.’” He pauses to take a breath. “You were 425 metres away.”

Catching on to his actions, you shake your head violently. “With the ODM gear, that’s hardly any distance at all, sir–”

“You said it yourself, you used a lot of gas to speed up, but even then, it’s still a fair distance, it still takes time to cross that gap, and those abnormals were fast and smart. You weren’t going to make it in time, no matter how much gas you use.”

“But–” your eyes are looking glassy now, and something zips through him, the desire to hold, protect, comfort - even though he has no idea how. In the heat of the moment, Levi reaches forward, taking your trembling, rough hands into his own.

“Listen to me.”

Her eyes are beautiful.

“You did everything you could for them.”

Tears slip down your cheeks. You squeeze his hands.

Squeezing yours in return, Levi continues to speak despite the warmth creeping onto his face. “You fought well… and maybe my words mean jackshit right now, but…” Why is it so nerve-wracking? “You are not to blame. You hear me? And this is going to be far easier said than done, but I don’t want you losing any sleep over this. You did everything you could.” Unconsciously, his thumb rubs over the back of your hand, and you whimper at the gentle touch.

Gulping, you nod hesitantly.

“Captain, I…”

“What?”

You blink. “Um...” You look down meekly, and Levi feels a tingling in his fingers, the urge to reach further across the table, place two fingers under your chin and gently lift, for someone so wonderful as you should never be ashamed of your tears. Never. “Just… thank you. I… sorry, I didn’t think I’d end up dumping this all on you, but it’s hard.”

“I know,” he murmurs. “I know.”

It is then, in that very moment, your hands interlocked with his, that he realises. Why you’ve been on his mind so much, why he’s been so hyper aware of every little wondrous detail about you, why he wants nothing more than to hold you and cherish you to the end of time.

It all makes sense now.

As the candlewick burns, and the flame dwindles, a pair of soft amber eyes peers into the room. Petra’s fingers curl around the door handle as she fights to keep her breathing even and her eyes dry.

----------

And so it begins.

Unknowingly, you and Levi cross the bridge; what lies between you two is no longer merely professional. With every subsequent late night conversation and shared pots of tea, you toe the line between comrades and something more, blurring it further and further until you see it no longer.

You can’t quite place a finger on what it is that makes you so content in his presence. But, you muse to yourself, looking down at your sleeping superior who’d fallen asleep at his desk when you’d arrived for your nightly conversation, you yearn to find out.

----------

Petra’s been tossing and turning.

It’s been this way since after the first expedition. Being the only two women in the squad, you two share a room and other facilities together. She’s a very good roommate; not only is she an innately organised person, her desire to keep the Captain appeased has improved her housekeeping skills by tenfold. You can’t deny the same thing hasn’t happened to yourself. But lately, she hasn’t been sleeping very well. Exhaustion from Levi’s intense training regimen has you knocked out the moment your head hits the pillow, and that sleep is only ever really interrupted by the occasional nightmare. But more recently, it’s been harder to fall asleep at all, because Petra hasn’t been able to sleep herself. And it isn’t just during nightfall. She’s been growing distant from you, little by little, and you’re ashamed that you hadn’t noticed it earlier, not until:

“Wow,” you pant, collapsing on your bed, “the Captain is really putting us through our paces, isn’t he?”

Petra perches on the edge of her bed, taking her boots off. Her face is still flushed pink from training, ginger hair plastered to her face with sweat. “Yeah,” she pants. “You seem to be doing just fine, though.”

Exhaustion slurs her syllables but you detect something else, an undercurrent of insecurity. “So are you,” you say. “The last twenty minutes of ODM drills? Walls, I could hardly keep up with you.” It’s not even a lie - Petra’s outstanding agility with the gear - rivalling yours and even the Captain’s - is what landed her a spot on the squad in the first place.

“Thanks,” she mumbles, but the smile doesn’t reach her tired eyes. The silence is painfully awkward, and you grimace.

“So… are we still on for our trip to town tomorrow?” It’s your day off.

Petra freezes, shoulders locking up. “Sorry, um, I forgot to tell you, but I’ve actually been double-booked… my father wants me to have dinner with him. I’m sorry, but I haven’t been able to see him for months, so…”

Oh. You sit up on the bed, wincing at the aches and pains in your body. “That’s okay,” you assure her, though alarm bells ring shrilly in the back of your mind. Petra is extremely organised - she would’ve made sure to avoid double-bookings and tell you if something else was going on the moment she’d find out about it.

Something is wrong, but before you can think on it any further, Petra retrieves a fresh set of clothes and mumbles something about heading to the showers.

You’re not entirely sure why she’s been acting a little distant lately, or why she’s suddenly having trouble sleeping, but enough is enough.

“Petra,” you say out loud into the dark, “is everything okay?”

The rustling on the other side of the room pauses. “Just can’t sleep,” Petra responds.

“You haven’t been sleeping too well. And… I can’t help but wonder if it has something to do with me…” Your mouth feels dry. Outside of Titan territory, confrontation is not your strong suit. “You’ve been, um, kind of distant around me lately. And you’re not sleeping well either. Have I done anything to upset you?”

Petra’s breath hitches. “No,” she says quickly. “You haven’t, I promise. I’ve just… been all up in my head lately, that’s all. Sorry if I’ve been keeping you up with my tossing and turning.”

“No, no… Petra, please. Talk to me?” Where has your friend gone? When you’d first joined and began training with her, she was the first person to befriend you. Even though Levi is now the closest person in the Corps, it used to be her, not too long ago, and you feel a little lost. Where has the time gone? How have you grown so distant so fast?

Petra responds with silence, and you wait with baited breath.

“Petra?”

More silence. You feel your heart fall; have you truly lost a friend?

You resign yourself to never knowing what is on her mind, before a voice, wet and wavering, cuts through the darkness, blurting out a question you’d never thought you’d hear.

“What do you think of Captain Levi?”

Levi? You’re stunned, what does this have to do with anything? Despite your confusion, something flutters in your chest at the very mention of his name. You sigh, burying your cheek into your pillow. “He’s a good man,” you begin. “A little rough around the edges, but I never doubted for a moment the kind of person he truly is. I can’t think of anybody else I’d rather fight alongside. And I…” you find yourself floundering for a moment. How could you even possibly begin to delve into what has occurred between you and Levi these past few months? How could you–

The realisation hits you like lightning.

Shaken by the discovery, you bring your knees to your chest underneath the sheets, the breath stolen from your lungs.

Of course. How had you not seen it later?

“So you do have feelings for him.” Petra interprets the silence correctly, dejected. She’s always been perceptive.

Her words are the final nail in the coffin, the final piece in the puzzle. “And you do, too,” you whisper, feeling your eyes burn. “Petra, I… I didn’t know, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I didn’t want you to know.” She sniffles. “How could I even begin to explain something like this to you when you two just looked so… happy together?”

“We’re not together,” you say quickly. “Not like that.”

“No. Not yet, but it’s bound to happen in one way or the other. Don’t you see the way he looks at you? Like… like you’re the first rays of sun that seep over the horizon in the morning? Like you’re the first snowdrop that blooms after a harsh snowstorm? Like…” Petra gasps for breath, but manages to steady herself to finish her words. “Like you’re the hearth that keeps his home warm?”

You’re horribly conflicted - the very idea of Levi holding you in the same regard makes you so unbelievably happy, but at the cost of the woman you’d once considered your best friend? You shake your head furiously. “Petra…”

“Because I do. I see, I see how he looks at you. And I know that look, how c-could I not? H-he looks at you, like I look at him. Like I’ve always looked at him.” She descends into sobs.

You can’t take it anymore. Flinging the blankets off your body, you shoot out of bed and cross the room, perching carefully at the edge of the bed. Tears carve hot and wet trails on your cheeks, but you reach forward, fumbling in the dark. “I’m sorry,” you whisper in between Petra’s muffled sobs, “I’m sorry that I’ve been causing you so much heartbreak this whole time.” You stroke her heaving back through the sheets.

Petra shudders underneath your touch, riding out the sobs for a few minutes. When her breathing begins to steady, she gently pushes your hand aside. “It’s okay,” she whimpers, as she pulls herself up into a seated position. “It’s not like… it’s not like either of us could’ve controlled our feelings, you know? It’s not like we could’ve done anything about who he’d fall for, too.”

Guilt tugs at your heartstrings, and you sigh. “I’m sorry,” you say again, and you hate it, hate how hopeless and useless you’re being.

“Don’t be,” Petra repeats a little more firmly. “I… look, I’ll need some time to fully process this. But Captain Levi deserves to know happiness. And if it’s with you… who am I to stop that?” Her thin slender arms come to wrap around your frame, and you feel her head rest on your shoulder. She squeezes you tight, and you choke back a sob - it had been so, so long since you and Petra had talked for more than ten seconds, let alone hugged.

“Thank you. You’ll find happiness one day,” you try to assure her. “You deserve it.”

She nods. “I never meant for us to drift so far, but… I couldn’t bear the heartbreak, at the time. I wanted it to be me so desperately, but that doesn’t… that doesn’t justify how distant I’ve been… Walls, I really missed you.”

You hold her tighter, fingers curling in the fabric of her shirt. Closing your eyes, you sigh, and smile. “I missed you, too.”

----------

The alcohol simmers in your stomach, warming you up from the core, loosening your lips. Eld had invited all of you to his house to celebrate his engagement, and his fiancée, the daughter of a sommelier, had offered you all a glass or two of red wine. Not the cheap stuff that a Scout salary can just about afford, but the drinks served to the Walls’ noblemen and councillors. Suffice to say that you all had more than just the one or two glasses originally planned, and Eld and his fiancée had ushered you out of their house several hours later than expected.

“Sir?”

“What?” Levi responds. The two of you walk side by side, pressed up against one another. Fuck - it had been far too long since you’d had something to drink, your prior tolerance is all but gone. You can’t convince yourself that you’re not leaning on him a little to keep upright.

“Are you drunk?” He asks when you don’t respond.

“I’m fine,” you insist pointedly, “I’m only a bit tipsy.” To emphasise your point, you lift one hand and demonstrate just how tiny that ‘bit’ is, your thumb and pointer finger literally touching.

Levi raises his brow. “Sure you are.”

“I’m not drunk,” you insist.

“You’re such a lightweight.”

“Everyone’s a lightweight compared to you.”

Levi chuckles–actually chuckles, the sound sending butterflies flapping wildly inside of you–and slips an arm around your shoulders. You sigh. Perhaps he’s not as sober as he’s pretending to be either.

You pout. “You’re one to talk. You’re pretty tipsy, too.”

He shakes his head. “That’s a bold assumption. I’m just making sure you don’t trip over yourself and eat shit.”

“That’s very…” you smack your lips, wracking your brain for the right word, “chivalrous of you, Cap’n, thank you.”

“Is it?”

You nod. “Mm hm.”

The two of you trail behind the rest of the squad (bar Eld, who’s staying behind with his fiancée tonight) as you all walk back to the barracks - Gunther and Oluo have both slipped their arms around Petra, who walks in the middle, and though you and Levi are too far away to make out their conversation, the boisterous tone of their voices and their tipsy giggles are carried to your ears by the wind. You smile. Ever since the conversation with Petra, she’s been returning gradually to her old self. You sometimes catch sad, longing glances towards Levi whenever she thinks nobody is looking, but they are growing rarer and rarer. All you’ve ever wanted is for your friend to be happy, and for one day to find love.

Love - what a concept. You’ve hardly come to terms with it - love is something so sprawling and all-encompassing and just… it’s something you do not understand, and it terrifies you.

And yet.

What is it that they call alcohol, liquid courage?

You’re done being scared and insecure and uncertain. You’re courageous on the battlefield. Why not off it, too?

Here goes.

“Captain, have I ever told you that I might be falling in love with you, just a teensy tiny little bit?”

Levi freezes on the spot, which halts you mid-step as well. You stumble with the abrupt stop, but Levi’s arms tighten around you, quickly rightening your balance. “What?” He croaks, eyes blown wide.

Your face is burning - and not just because of the alcohol. The courage fades as quickly as it came. “Um, actually, maybe… maybe more than a little bit,” you mumble. Now, you feel the chilly evening breeze nip at your cheeks, as you begin to sober up.

The warm orange glow of the lamp makes Levi’s cheeks look all the more round and rosy. He’s utterly breathtaking. “You’re falling in love with me?”

Your next words are hardly more than a whisper. “How could I not?” How could you not, when he made it so easy to fall?

Your Captain draws closer. Heart thrashing wildly against your ribcage, you reach forward. He’s ethereal up close - you can see the flecks of pale blue in his silver eyes, the way the golden lamplight glints off his delicate lashes, you can smell his faint cologne…

His hand gingerly rests on the small of your back, tugging you closer until you are flush against his chest. A small gasp escapes you; he is so close, your blood is roaring in your ears and you want nothing more than to close your eyes and lean in and lose yourself in him–

Warm, soft lips meet yours.

Oh. Oh.

Levi kisses you softly, gently. As if it is his first and his last. You melt in his embrace, worshipping his lips with your own, all thoughts fading away into pure blissful ecstasy. Running your fingers through his soft hair, you hum contentedly. The world fades away, the cold replaced with warmth, and oh, how you wish you could slow down time, stop it, and build yourself a home in this wonderful, beautiful moment.

“By the Walls!” Someone yells in the background, almost cutting through the haze you and Levi have lost yourselves in. It sounds vaguely like Petra. “They’re kissing! They’re kissing–Oluo, Oluo, damn it, turn around, you’re missing this, they’re finally doing it and you’re missing it, and Gunther, you better pay up, I knew something was going to happen between them tonight, I knew it–”

You laugh into another kiss, and Levi’s thumb brushes your cheek as his hands cup your face. When you part, you chase his warm, soft lips with a sigh, but he pulls back.

“I might be falling in love with you, too. More than just a little bit.”

“How much more?”

He chuckles and pecks your lips. “If you stay by my side, and we fight together… we’ll have all the time in the world to find out just how much.”

“I like the sound of that.”

Smiling, you cup the back of his neck and pull him in for more.

And so it begins.

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