as soon as you'd left the vitraya ramunong, you jogged back to your kelku and a sudden, overwhelming feeling of anguish wrapped tight around you. as tears pooled in your eyes, ready to spill at any moment, you ran faster. you hated crying in front of people, you hated the pitiful look they gave. you could already see other na'vi staring at you in confusion, curious as to why you were running so fast to high camp.
as soon as you made it back to your kelku, you dropped to the floor and wept. as much as you tried, you couldn't stop the tears from falling. you didn't even know why you were so upset. was it about what jake said? was it about ay'olna? you were stuck in your own head for too long and all of a sudden, you realised you couldn't breathe. anxiety washed over you as you tried to gain control over your breathing, and failed. it took numerous failed attempts to breathe before you heard a soothing voice say,
"syeha si."
you looked up to see neytiri, who must have heard your sobbing, holding your hands in her own. she continued reassuring you, until you eventually calmed down, your face now flushed with tears staining your face. you both sat in silence for a moment, you now embarrassed she had seen you in such a state. you quickly stood up, ridding your loincloth of any dirt.
"are you okay?" she asked, her voice soft and hushed.
"sran, irayo." you managed to breathe out.
you looked at her, really looked at her, and swore the world silenced. you noticed the slight ean in her rim eyes, you counted each and every tanhì on her face, she was captivating. it took more time than it should have to realise she was snapping her fingers directly in front of your face.
"are you listening to me?" she asked, her accent thickening the slightest, even when speaking na'vi.
"ngaytxoa."
she continued rambling yet, you couldn't stop admiring her beauty. you realised what a gorgeous figure she had, her waist, her tits, and when she turned around, her ass. to be transparent, you thought about her fucking you on the small table you had. the though itself got you hornier then ever.
"i am trying to talk to you!" neytiri gained your attention once again, her voice raising a little. you held back a grin when she said that, she was hot when she was annoyed.
she continued once again and this time, you listened. she spoke about your outburst and how she has had many of those these past few moons. she spoke about her children, and how they were coping. how neteyam had a hard time accepting jake's death, until he did and had many restless nights. how lo'ak became numb to everything around him. how kiri had distanced herself from everyone and didn't talk for awhile. and how tuktirey had sobbed for days on end when she realised she would never see her sempu again.
shame. you felt shameful for not listening to her. for not giving her your full attention, instead thinking foolish thoughts that you knew would never come true. you impulsively wrapped your arms around her neck, engulfing her into a warm embrace. neytiri didn't think before snaking her arms around your waist. she had not had a hug from you in awhile, so she was quick to reciprocate it. you managed to get a whiff of her scent, and, oh my, you thought you would have dropped dead right there. how did someone smell so sweet?
before you could pull away, you heard small sniffles coming from neytiri. you felt your whole body freeze up. how were you supposed to comfort her? what should you do? you opted for squeezing her just a little tighter, careful not to suffocate the poor woman.
"it is okay to cry neytiri." you tried, as you felt she was holding in her true feelings.
it went silent, too silent for your liking, before you heard the most gut-wrenching sob come from her. you could tell from her agonising cries she had not given herself time to truly grieve, she had spent so much time helping her children overcome jake's death that she had stuffed her own feelings into the corner of her mind. she was always too selfless you thought. she deserved to be selfish for once, and you helped her do that. you.
as you held her, you thought about grief, the true meaning of grief. the response to the loss of a loved one. the five stages. denial. you thought of her screaming out 'kehe' into the silent night, given eclipse had already passed. anger. you thought of all the bloodshed she caused. bargaining. you thought of her pleading to the great mother to take her instead of him. depression. the sound of her sobs, her deep, heartbroken sobs filled the air. acceptance. you knew she hadn't accepted his death, and you knew it would take time and help. you were willing to give her those. you were determined to help her.