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#just. how the fuck did that even HAPPEN
southern--downpour · 2 years
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just had a sewing machine needle literally break in half so i will not be using sewing machines ever again!
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andthebeanstalk · 1 year
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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sluttylittlewaste · 1 month
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It's wild how many people took Kristen's line of questioning as her saying Tracker isn't taking her religion seriously instead of what I heard her asking which was:
How many of these people would be here if it wasn't religious Coachella?
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pictureday2005 · 11 months
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DONT REPOST THIS thanks
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thronealigned · 8 months
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no it's fine this mind flayer is totally my friend and 100% honest with me all the time it's ok it likes me everything's so normal
#bg3 spoilers#baldurs gate 3#baldur's gate 3#i love how raphael directly calls you out on this. 'if id have known you were so gullible i wouldve tricked you into selling your soul for#a bowl of beans when we first met'#and then just keeps insulting you more if you keep insisting emp's really your ally#oc: impulse#sure this'll go in their tag#everything about impulse's Thing with the emperor is so funny to me. and then deeply fucked up if you think about it long enough. and then#really funny again if you think about it even longer#one day i'll do their 2.0 playthrough so i can fully form all my thoughts. and get better screenshots and the ceremorphosis ending#i mean there's nothing stopping me from loading an impulse 1.0 save and going ceremorphosis from there but idk it'd feel wrong#impulse has more tadpoles in their brain than synapses by act 3 and it does really fundamentally change them as a person#tfw your chaotic neutral act-first-ask-questions-never no-impulse-control 17 CHA bestie becomes one of the most detached calculating people#you've ever met. all their old casual wit and humor is still there but they think before they speak now and that really shouldnt feel as#sinister as it does. they have this look in their eye and it feels like they view everyone around them as lesser beings#not because they view other people as subhuman or worse than they are but because they view themself as something *more*#if they have any raw unfiltered emotion left you haven't seen it in weeks. there's one person(?) who gets Unrestrained Feelings privileges#and it's the fucking illithid that lives in their mind and not any of their actual non-monster normal-ish-person friends. that human#connection is fading so fast now. when did they change so much? it happened so slowly in the moment but suddenly now they seem like they#were never the person you became friends with at all#and like impulse is a pretty selfish person from the start but they *did* genuinely like and care about the rest of the party. they were#friends. and by the end of act 3 that friendship should be the deepest and most meaningful it's ever been. but. it just isn't.#so on and so forth etc etc like that. All That Bullshit makes their relationship with lae'zel so interesting (and upsetting) too#they encourage her to side against vlaakith and then they never even try to free orpheus for her and her people's sake. they never even#think about it. they never consider it as an option. they just don't care. and then they EAT HIS BRAIN.#very possibly RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER.#and she's just left adrift. a rebel with no rebellion to lead and very little hope#i'm unwell.#ok i'm done this is a silly meme post. but god i have so many thoughts i have barely been keeping contained
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babisawyer · 1 year
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Ben coming back to the cabin to see yet another cannibalistic ritual
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thejasontoddarchives · 4 months
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52/WW III Part One: A Call to Arms #1 (2007)
You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you’re standing naked in front of a monument meant to honor a dead version of yourself while you’re alive, holding the Nightwing suit in one hand and the pill helmet in the other
#peak male form actually#jason todd#dc#I love how nobody but Martian Manhunter really knew the brothers in blood arc had started and even then it was just a side note#because too much shit was happening in this story for that to have any bearing whatsoever at that moment#but also because Jason playing dress up isn't a big league issue it just happened to cross manhunter's radar lol#so Jason makes the decision to dress up as Nightwing and go to ny as black adam is destroying the world and the trinity is gone#he finds a group of criminals about to run off with a suitcase of cash#he gives them a mini lecture about how irresponsible it is for decorated self-important heroes like Bruce to disappear at a time like this#and how it’d also be irresponsible of him if he’d let them get away knowing they’re going to fuck shit up while the world is ending#it’s implied he killed them#then it cuts to a panel of him with the suitcase#saying that’s the easiest money he made and ‘this vigilante thing is a breeze’#as if he didn’t pretty much do the same thing to the biggest drug lords of Gotham like five minutes ago#giving them a big scare and leaving with 40% of their millions#granted he did have to guillotine a bunch of their lieutenants but he said it himself it was only 2 hrs and he got 40%#also that second part is even funnier because he says it as if vigilantism isn’t *the only thing* he’s done pretty much his whole life#like. you boosted car parts and sold them for money to dodge the foster system. then you were robin. ROBIN.#edit: phrasing
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inkskinned · 2 years
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i both firmly believe that self-diagnosing saved my life and i think that the way tiktok and instagram have recently been spreading misinformation about mental illness/neurodivergence is incredibly harmful.
people who are looking for answers are already people who are in a vulnerable situation.
much of the misinformation appears logically sound; and is presented as definitive fact (prefaced with claims such as "research shows"). it's imperative we remember correlation does not prove causation. it is incredibly dangerous to make definitive statements like "if X happened in your childhood, you now Z as an adult." real scientists will almost always use may or other less-definitive terms. similarly, equating one behavior/experience with any single condition is also unsafe. many conditions have overlapping symptoms; and many people "mask" their key symptoms, even to themselves.
we cannot discern from a singular data point any conclusion. in official diagnosis, for a behavior/experience to be considered a symptom, it must significantly influence your life. many people enjoy an organized space. that is a preference. disrupting your daily life even at personal cost in order to prioritize organization is more likely a symptom.
again, a single data point is not an effective diagnostic tool. it is necessary and important work to catalogue and consider all unwanted/distressing behaviors in order to understand a complete picture of the person.
i will see creators in paid partnerships make generalized behavioral/emotional claims that apply to a large portion of a community, and then they will suggest that the "solution" to that behavior is through their paid partner/through their personal support. "follow for more psych tips/facts" is an incredibly evil marketing tactic. i very rarely see unpartnered/unbranded content on how to aid/comfort those behaviors and feelings.
much of the misinformation employs a subtle technique (called confirmation bias) of setting up a conclusion before "proving" the conclusion. "you know you have X when you experience A,B, and C." no person's experience of their conditions/behaviors will look exactly the same as another's. while knowing certain things might be a sign/symptom of a condition, it is irresponsible to consider it definitive.
confirmation bias is unfortunately extremely effective on tiktok specifically. the algorithm will notice that you interacted longer with the video that "proves" (through a singular video) that you "have" a condition. it will continue to feed you related videos that further confirm what you believe.
this is dangerous because we are, unfortunately, not good at knowing ourselves. i did not know it was unusual to vividly nightmare every night; i didn't consider it a symptom. i was similarly dismissive also of any other signs of my PTSD - i incorrectly assigned them to anxiety/adhd. on the small scale, this can mean a longer journey to healing. on the larger scale, it can mean people with extremely difficult situations are unable to get the help they need.
please, if you can, and you're looking to self-diagnose: be careful about what you assume about yourself. try to keep an honest journal of what you're thinking/feeling/doing for a few days.
do not go in with an assumption. try to keep an open mind. i think we all "suspect" we have something - but like i said, i completely missed my own PTSD symptoms, because i suspected the ADHD the most, and only "saw" those symptoms.
do your own research. if the tiktok says "research shows", google that research. figure out who paid for that research. do further research related to that study - has it ever been repeated? is it peer reviewed? do other researchers seem to accept it as conclusive?
if you feel you really resonate with the materials of one person's experience with a condition, find other examples. see if you relate to other creators who identify similarly.
and please - please do not stop once you come to a conclusion. i fully believe that the diagnostic process should be seen as a first step, not a destination. by knowing what you might be struggling with, you gain an incredibly powerful tool on how to gain peace with that condition.
if you feel yourself emotionally respond to a tiktok/etc that suggests something that might be true about yourself, i'm glad you had that experience. but it's also important to not relax into the "easy" answer. interrogate it. start googling what else that could mean; what ways you could work on healing that wound.
healing does not "belong" to any one condition. i want you to begin to look into healing no matter if you have "proven" you have a condition or not. it is never selfish to practice responsible self-care. even if you don't relate to having adhd, you are not harming me by using adhd-inspired study tips. it is not making my condition worse for you to seek peace by asking for more time on tests. even if it was - the fault would be with the system, not in your need of something the system makes inaccessible.
remind yourself that everything you experience is real. and because it is real, it is complicated. while things might be related - even sometimes clearly related - a stranger on the internet cannot make that discernment for you. you as a person deserve the work, attention, and care that goes into the process of unravelling the harm that has been done to you.
it makes me very, very upset to see how popular these videos have become, because they're so irresponsible. and they clearly are targeting a vulnerable group. for example, making generalized claims about children of unloving caretakers is targeting those who have experienced neglect. there is no way to use 30 second videos to correctly analyze what that neglect might have caused in your adult life. i'm sorry, but it's snake oil.
i know it is so powerful soothing to recognize that you aren't broken. that others exist like you out there. i want every person looking for answers to find their answer. i want you to feel seen and heard and understood. i want you to find your community.
i just want it to happen safely.
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fujii-draws · 26 days
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OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.
#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter.#he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point.#and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!!#hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do!#the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into-#one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT.#but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb.#I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time.#and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances.#and doesn’t want to hear any excuse.#but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment.#NOW. CHAPTER 17.#UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN#Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC.#IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!!#BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’#WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM.#(​NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.)#and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through.#despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up.#like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him.#that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying.#just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner.#IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD.#and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore.#he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had.#and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT.#<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but.#eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind.#I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags
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dazais-guardian-angel · 8 months
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this torture we're going through with the anime must be divine karma for slandering Bones all this time...... they said "oh, you don't like how we adapt things? you say the manga does it better?? okay then, well now there is no more manga. it's Bones or bust, bitches."
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transmechanicus · 20 days
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Really fucked up that two ppl can care about each other and make their best efforts to communicate and still end up hurting each other so badly they cannot stand to be in the same room.
#my stuff#i feel soooo bad talking to my therapist about the same topics over multiple weeks#like i feel like they're sooo sick of it like damn can this bitch get Over It alreadyyyy#hi yes actually can we talk about the near catastrophic sense of betrayal and loss that has haunted my soul for over a month?#can we talk about how I overcompensate for other's possible feelings and emotions to desperately mask my terror at feeling out of control#can we talk about how even when I know ppl acted with logical reasons necessary for their situation it still hurt me?#and that this pain fills me up with so much anger and frustration that I'm powerless to put anywhere that won't hurt someone#so it just cooks me inside and makes me grind my teeth constantly for weeks#im so angry i did not deserve to be treated like this it's not fair and I have no capacity to fix it or control when it feels better#i just have to survive and wait until i forget about it and hope they don't decide to reach out and fuck it all up#cause i can see that happening#i'll finally be free of thinking about them and generally going about my day unbothered and they'll ask to get coffee or something#and I have no idea what I should do in that scenario. because I don't think we can be friends.#and you have not treated me with the compassion and warmth I treated you#i would want to say mean things. hurtful things. I would want to bite back for once.#and that's not me. that's not who I want to be.#i don't wanna see you. go away. don't talk to me if you're not going to make the pain go away.
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riveluart · 5 months
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You ever just get a random burst of affection for characters you literally haven't thought about in years
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Wow another adult animated show headed by people who don’t know jack shit about the medium and then calls animation inferior and throws their artists under the bus and calls the audience stupid for watching animated media and thinking the only thing worthwhile about adult animation is making it gross and shocking and going “this isn’t like your Saturday morning cartoons haha you fucking idiot” while actually good animated shows with some level of maturity and respect for their audience gets axed left and right
Disappointed but not surprised in the slightest
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haemosexuality · 8 months
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why are so many adventure time fans just straight up stupid. about how stories work. and i dont even mean kids i mean like adult fans just with the absolutely dumbest takes
#i was watching a streamer react to f&c which ok i admit i brought this upon myself#but oh my godddddd#''i think farmworld finn's wife was pb'' even ignoring that one of his kids looks exactly like human huntress wizard WHAT#WHY IN THE HELL WOULD THAT BE TRUE. AFTER THEYVE SPENT S I X S E A S O N S SHOWING WHY PBXFINN COULD NEVER BE A THING#LITERALLY SEVERAL SEASONS SHOWING 1-PB WILK NEVER LIKE FINN BACK THEY ARE INCOMPATIBLE 2-FINN HAS MOVED ON HE HAS ACCEPTED THAT AND GOTTEN#OVER HIS CHILDHOOD LOVE ON HER AND ONLY AFTER THAT THEY WERE ABLE TO FORM A FRIENDSHIP#THATS LIKE ONE OF THE MAIN THINGS OF THE SHOW#WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY TAKE THAT BACK AND MAKE HIM HAVE FUCKING KIDS WITH HER IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE?????????#''did prismo just die in the end of episode 4??? oh no what a mystery'' oh yeah dude they totally killed off one of the most important#characters in like 5 seconds with almost no ceremony. without even acknowledging it. thats totally how character deaths work#this is totally plausible#''what the fuck im gonna get so mad of simon actually becomes ice king again'' ARE YOU STUPIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD#HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF ''CREATING A CONFLICT AND THEN RESOLVING IT''#HOLY FUCKING SHIT#sorry this is making me go insane a little bit.#adventure time#fionna and cake#every time i see some guy mention pbxfinn and a thing that could have happened i fly into a rage. you are so fucking stupid. you have the#mental capabilities of a child. never open your mouth again.#as a thing* that could have happened
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sparring-spirals · 5 months
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my dash: Bell's Hells are doing doppelganger trust exercises in the feywild for bonding purposes
me: oh???? :) my fools?
my dash: half of them wanted to use detect thoughts to get through it. they werent allowed to. but they were absolutely planning to do it.
me, with great affection: oh, my fools :') of course
my dash: They Handled This Less Than Optimally and were accusing each other suspiciously and randomly and using all kinds of strange tactics
me: my fools :'DDDDD of COURSE they did-
my dash: Even in an ACTIVE TRUST BUILDING EXERCISE with live doppelgangers, they were still grappling with their chronic Fuck With Each Other impulses
me with all the affection in the world: u fucking <3 bet <3 they would <3 maladjusted trainwrecks <3333333
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front-facing-pokemon · 6 months
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#alt with eyes hidden under the cut#cofagrigus#their eyes are shiny. made of plastic. so they're looking a little bright. apologies for this#so. generally when i have quarrels about the pronunciation of a pokémon's name (since i don't watch anipoké)#where someone else and i pronounce the same pokémon's name differently. which doesn't happen very often‚ since typically i talk about#pokémon mostly entirely in text. because most of the communication about things i like happens in text. and the pokémon games#are not voice acted. so pronunciation of their names is sparse and sometimes limited to anipoké but even they're inconsistent i think#but whenever i have quarrels about the pronunciation of a name. someone else and i pronounce it differently. i go to pokédex 3d pro#on the 3ds. because every time you go to a pokémon's dex entry‚ the pokédex guy says their name out loud#i basically treat this as gospel for how to pronounce pokémon names. i've been proven wrong a lot but i've also been proven right a lot#and this guy. oooohhh this guy. before pokédex 3d pro i pronounced this guy's name as though the F-slur was right in the middle#only recently did i learn that it kinda sounds like “grievous‚” [kʰɐ.fə.'gɻiː.gəs]#at least. that's how the pokédex 3d pro guy says it#whereas i had been pronouncing it [kʰow.'fæg.ɻɪ.gəs]. so. you can see the issue that arises with that pronunciation#a lot of these pronunciations that i have to double-check just live in my head. and it's only when i say them out loud that i realize#how i'm saying them. like how i pronounce “centiskorch” as [sɑ̃.t͡si̠.skoʁʃ] for some fucking reason. my brain sees it and is like#yeah that's? a french word? even though it looks nothing like one#i also tend to pronounce “grumpig” as ['gʀʊm.pɪç] because of the “ig” at the end. i guess. german instinct#of course these are pronunciations i never say out loud but the first time i Have to say this pokémon's name out loud i'll go#oh yeah! it's not pronounced like that. i should probably not say that#and then i do not. just a fun little story about my twisted and fucked up mind. a little peek into my enigmatic brainspace#jesus christ these are some of the longest tags i've ever written. i'm gonna stop
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