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averytiredfanfictionwriter · 2 months

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Where have I been?

Not entirely sure who'll care what I have to say, but I'm gonna say it anyways just like with the Skydoesminecraft situation. I will not be writing for Minecraft youtubers anymore, save for the Hermitcraft community. They seem to be the only ones that I watch that are consistently good creators. Unfortunately, I will not be writing for anything dsmp related, even though I'd stopped a while ago. Trying to write any of the remaining ideas I had concerning Techno is just too painful still, and I don't know if it'll ever stop being painful. And with the allegations that came out against Wilbur and most recently George, I don't feel comfortable engaging with their content/the streamers who are still friends with them. This extends to all of the "dream team" and the band Lovejoy, seeing as they have yet to make a public statement, at least that I'd seen.

All that said, what will my content look like seeing as I haven't posted in at least a year? Well, there's going to be some changes. I've grown out of fandoms, and into new ones in the last year. I got really into the Modern Warfare series and Call of Duty: Ghosts throughout last year, so some of those guys and girls might make an appearance on my page occasionally. Hermitcraft might also make an appearance, with the fics being in the same style as the other hermit fic I'd posted. Outside of that, I can't give an exact list anymore because I haven't felt truly interested in anything. I'd lost the ability to enjoy all the things I used to enjoy as I got further into my depression, and it all culminated in my making a few drastic changes in May of last year. I left my job and got a better paying one working overnights because I would cry going home at just how awful my days were and how poorly treated I'd been for the 4 years I worked there. I made a bunch of new friends online and got into some niche internet drama outside of Tumblr that I might share my side of in the next few months- not to drag up old fights, but to warn people who might be thinking of or currently watch a certain TikTok creator. I'm about to DM my first D&D campaign with some of my new friends and I'm very excited about it because I've spent more than 7 months planning and creating it.

But most importantly, in my time away I realized a lot. I've been dealing with major writers block for more than a year because every time I tried to write I compared myself to the other writers I follow on here. Specifically in the modern warfare community. I had so many ideas for fics, but every time I sat down to write them they wouldn't come out as good as I wanted them, or it wasn't up to the standard that I was trying to meet because I thought that no one would read it if I didn't meet that. Even now, just venting, I'm worried about how many likes and how much engagement this post will get and that's such an awful mentality to have. I used to love writing, and I still do. But I've learned to accept that it's okay to be at a different level of writing than the others on here, and that I shouldn't stop just because my characterization sucks or sometimes the plot is a little rocky. I shouldn't be worried about all of that, because writing fanfiction started as me writing for myself. It all started, way back when I was a young teenager, making a Wattpad account and writing my first fic, which I believe was a purge fanfiction with Skydoesminecraft and the rest of Sky Media. I'm 21 now, and I can definitely say I've improved, but I'm tired of trying to base my improvement on how good everyone else is. I'm tired of being depressed about how other writers make it look so easy to just have these great, cinematic moments in their fics with wonderful lines that stick with you after you finish reading them.

So, back to the question. What will my content look like? It'll look like whatever I want it to look like. I'm going to write for who I want, when I want. If that means posting 20 batman fanfics in a row, and then making a complete 180 to Hermitcraft or Criminal Minds or even House, then so be it. But I'm going to be doing it for me, and not for how many likes and followers a particular character or fandom will get me.

If you read all this, thank you. I really do appreciate everyone who's ever engaged with my stuff on this site, it truly does mean the world to me.

(Also, quick aside. If you're from the HermitCraft fandom and you write weird nsfw with them, for the love of god block me now. I saw a fic where Grian rapes Docm, and I'm never going to be able to unsee it thanks to it not being tagged right. They are all real, grown people with families. What the fuck.)

#dream smp #dream team #lovejoy #wilbur soot #wilbur situation #mcyt #hermitcraft #fanfic #georgenotfound #dreamwastaken #sapnap #skydoesminecraft #lizzy rambles #lizzy writes

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xxwritemeastoryxx · 2 years

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Updates & Announcements

Just to make it so that I'm not continuously answering questions when things are being posted/updated, here's a brief overview:

(If you don’t want to read this, most of the answers are Yes, No, I have no idea when that will be posted and You’ll just have to wait and see.)

All series will resume posting in August. When in August? I have no idea and I doubt I will have an idea until we are a few days away, if anything is ready to be shared by that time.

I'm debating on a weekly or biweekly posting schedule for one shots, etc. While it looks great on paper, actually applying it is gonna be the real test and I’m gonna attempt to not set myself up for failure by giving a posting schedule and not sticking to it.

HOWEVER, I do know for a fact I want to alternate what I’m posting weekly. Excluding series because of the sole reason that if I create a posting schedule for those series, it wont match up weekly for what I am thinking. But each week of the month corresponding with angst, fluff, drabbles only, and prompt inspiration, with the occasional mixed content for those weeks where I somehow hyperfixate on a specific theme and need to purge my drafts. Again, looks amazing on paper, but the reality of it is I may not do this. It’s a guessing game at this point.

Will there be more fics with _(Insert Character Name)_?

Yes, No, Maybe. I’m currently rewatching TVD and my partial drafts have been Damon centric. (I’ve been neglecting Damon and damn it, I needed to fix that.) However there are quite a few others that are within my drafts and a nice list is growing of the characters I would like to eventually get things out for. I just don’t know when it will happen.

Have you thought about writing for _(Insert Character Name/Fandom)_?

Probably! Chances are that I have thought about it, it was probably requested at some point before I purged the requests, or there is a partial draft somewhere with that character or fandom that I just haven’t gotten around to finishing. Will I get to them? Maybe.

Will you be taking requests any time soon?

Most likely no. And as much as I hate to do it, I’m not going to be answering any messages about requests. It will probably sit there until I’m no longer lazy to delete them, or on the off chance of: HEY! THAT ACTUALLY SPARKED SOMETHING!, I’ll save it and use the request. But the point of purging the long to do list was not to fall into a rabbit hole of things that I can’t finish.

Will there be previews of what is to come?

As much as hyping you guys up about what was coming was something I normally did. This time around, probably not. While I know I’ll be posting the things for myself, I know y’all will act so excited for the previews but not show up for the actual fic. So why not just wait for the fic itself and just read it and hype it up that way?

What happened to _(insert fic name)_?

Oh you missed that post. However you can find it here and it give quite the bit of information as well!

Thats it for now. if your questions don’t fall under any of these, feel free to send it in. I promise I’ll answer them.

ALSOOOOOOOO!!!!

I am probably going to be raido silent starting Next Wednesday until the 11th of July. I’M MEETING FAMILY THAT I FOUND ON ANCESTRY!♥

Thanks for reading! ♥

#dom rambles #dom's updates and annoucements #updates and announcements #Hopefully that helps!

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sesaxton · 1 year

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Afternoon Thoughts

Haven't gotten to sit down and write for a very long time. I have so many ideas for stories but until my almost one year old is older I can't sit down and put it on a page. This is the first time in a while I get a short me day. It's nice to finally breathe and have a few moments to myself.

Its funny back when I first got divorced I took for granite my alone time. I was so depressed back then that being alone would feel like a punishment. Now it is a reward. Don't get me wrong I love spending time with both my daughters, they make me laugh so much. I also look forward everyday when my husband comes home. He is the best thing that has happened to me. However my life right now is hectic and stressful and the few times a month or less that I get to sit and breathe are so precious and helpful for my mental health. I can't fill others cups if mine is empty.

Now to empty my thoughts. My baby girl is one years old next month. I can't believe it. It seems like I just had her. This year has gone by so fast. She was hardly ever a tiny baby. She was 8 pounds 3 oz at birth and already holding her head up. At one month she rolled over for the first time and was crawling at six months. She hasn't walked yet but could if she really wanted to. She stands on her own now. She wants to practice when we aren't looking, she has been doing this for everything. She is so careful before she masters the next thing. She already has eight teeth as well and eats only solid food for the past 3 months. Its like I birthed a toddler. But she is such a joy to have and I am so blessed I get to share her with my husband who is the best father I know. She is a daddy's girl for sure. I got her a bunch of band tees to match his energy and they are so adorable together.

So blessed to have my family, to have what my heart always wanted. To have a man that will listen and not yell at me, not tell me I'm stupid and everyone hates me. To not gaslight me in everything and to actually tell me he loves me daily and is careful not to trigger me as I have ptsd from my past marriage. Four years together now (minus the year we thought we had to be apart until we talked to the Guardian ad-litem). It has been challenging but I would walk through it again to be with this most caring, loving man. I wish all could see his heart and not his past mistake.

My oldest is now 13. Except for being addicted to technology she is like a mini adult. Always sharing the drama with her friends at school. I do my best to keep up. She loves horror movies and occasionally gets me to watch. I'm not really a fan of horror so sometimes she watch's with her stepdad and I pull out a book when I'm not chasing after the baby. They mostly make fun of the cheesiness of the movies. Her favorite is the Purge movies which is one I can handle as its more of a thriller and a good storyline. We own all of them. She needs more motivation in school though. She's smart, but lacks motivation if the subject isn't of interest to her. She just learned about the Alamo in school and was excitedly telling me about it so over Christmas break I took the girls to see it. We all had a good time. It was really neat to see history is person, to be where such an amazing battle took place. Much better for kids to see something like that than just go on a cruise or a theme park. Those will be useless if the world ends. She needs to learn life skills. Her birth father and uncles taught her how to use a knife and shoot a gun. These are life skills she needs to know. When my baby is older we will teach her also. She loves Japan and their culture, she said when she graduates she wants to go to college there. Her style is kinda goth punk with some pink punk as well, she's also taller than I am now.

For me I am just taking it one day at a time. It is hard to get much done with a baby that is now mobile. We only trust my mother and each other to watch her so I am not working at the moment. My mother in law can only handle her for like 30 mins before she hands her back. We don't trust day care (she will be homeschooled in the future). I joined a walking moms group and a playdate group to get out of the house and get exercise. It helps my mental health too, to be around other moms that motivate me. Someone who shall not be named tried to get me kicked out of the group just because of my husbands past. But they are wonderful women and after telling them my story, they chose me. Goodness wins in the end. It's sad that so can be so miserable that they want others to be miserable as well and not just let people be. I feel sorry for this person ( the group confirmed who they are.) Anyway that is the tea on what's happening so far. Love you all!

#peace #daughters #baby #husband #love #metime #gym #writing #happiness

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hithelleth · 4 years

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Plague Update (8/?)

...because here we go again.

Well, not that it was ever gone, but there were those sweet days (hindsight is a bitch) of May/June with new cases in single digits when The Guardian or NYT or somesuch renowned media (I think it was the first) named us among top six model countries regarding dealing with the pandemic.

And now we’re probably one of the worst with ~2500 cases a day this week (for reference, there’s only two million of us, so these are terrible numbers.)

Of course, this is a direct result of how well we did in the first round, as the experts warned, since very few people were personally affected by Covid in the spring, but a lot of them were affected by the lockdown, economically and otherwise, people went ‘oh well, there’s no covid, it’s just the government trying to make us poor and take away our freedom’.

So they went on vacations (even encouraged by the government with tourist vouchers lets tour tourism industry collapses (and, even more importantly, that of our southern neighbours) and clubbing and had picnics and family reunions and all sorts of events and the mixed messages from the government who changed whether or not wearing masks was mandatory or just ‘recommended’ every other week didn’t help.

And here we are.

Meanwhile some of us went nowhere (I especially regret not going to see my uncle in the summer, we could’ve at least be outside at a safe distance, but I was too afraid) - all I did was some urgent official appointments that couldn’t be postponed (thankfully others were possible to do online) - and I heavily resent all that frolicking hoards who couldn’t fucking stay home and vacation within the country for one mere summer and also refrain from having huge parties (while some people like me go on holidays exactly never (well, almost, my last one was in 2007)) and spend all the time with just one or a few family members and we haven’t died of having such ‘terrible’ lives yet.

I mean, if the can’t stand being just with your partner and/or kids and you have to see tons of other people, why do they even have a family?

Rhetorical question.

Personally, I’ve reverted to spring lockdown mode and I don’t even do my groceries by myself, but otherwise, as in spring it’s not much change for me.

But, yeah, especially a few weeks ago, when the numbers really started rising, it fucked with my psyche a lot, because the isolation IS (starting to weigh) weighting on me, too, and I’m pissed that people are so inconsiderate to those of us who are unable to socialise much and now we can’t even do that little and won’t at least until spring.

Anyway, rant over.

Not all has been bad.

Corona has been very good for my apartment’s cleanliness, it’s probably the cleanest since the year I moved in. I’ve done ALL the things since spring and over the summer, (I might have already mentioned reorganising drawers and getting rid of junk in them - I still have three least cluttered to go, but I think they’ll wait till next spring cleaning), including cleaning out the storage.

I’ve had one (1) tutoring lesson in September, which prompted me to read that horrendous thing Lord of the Flies, but at least now I’m ready for whenever my student needs help with it.

I am impatiently waiting for next week and keeping my fingers crossed Americans can manage to get rid of the orange one, because maybe it’s just me following things too closely, but I think that many people on this side of the pond share the feeling - if I don’t think I can handle four more years of this insanity, I can’t imagine how you people over there will.

Hmm, I’m pretty sure I started this post with a specific intention, but then it just turned into a word vomit, so if it’s something important I wanted to share with you all, it’ll come back to me and find its way into another post.

#personal #rant #plague updates #just writing out my feels/purging my thoughts as i would occasionally ;)#and i've been meaning to write one of these for a while #(this got too long and I don't feel like proofreading so if anyone reads this excuse my typos)

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autisticandroids · 3 years

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yknow those episodes where a character's whole personality gets split into 3-5 different distinct separate bodies? what bodies would cas have? I feel like it'd just be a mess tbh, imagine 5 different castiels all of them loving dean to a certain extent but showing it VASTLY differently. one cas would literally want to murder the others lmao

okay so i don’t actually think this trope would be an effective tool for analyzing cas? he’s not conflicted enough in himself. he’s too impulsive, too singleminded, too uninhibited. like, in the end, cas always ends up doing whatever he wants. there aren’t multiple discrete voices vying for control, really, or rather, if there are, one is always significantly stronger than the others. like in the end cas will always end up eating raw meat off the floor, you know? he’ll do what he wants. if i was going to do personality splitting i’d do it to someone intensely internally conflicted, like dean.

however, because i’m in an essay writing mood today, i’ll answer a question slightly to the left of the one you asked. cas may not be internally conflicted, but he is intensely changeable. these two things are related, actually; the same impulsivity and singlemindedness that mean he doesn’t have a ton of internal conflict at any given time mean that different ideas sound good to him at different times, because he isn’t really thinking about, say, what future-him will think of them. and he’s not really trying to maintain an image or identity. he’s just doing what feels right at the time, which is very different at different times and in different situations.

anyway, that in mind, i think a lot about ways to bring together many alternate versions of cas which sort of correspond to different times in the show.

i have a fic in my head about a bunch of cas-es pulled from alternate timelines by some kind of spell. so this would be set during the widower arc because the basic impulse here is to show dean a very bad time. just absolutely put him through hell. also, all the alternate timelines are different because different stuff happened, not because cas made different choices, because if we’re torturing dean it has to be like 5x04, the changes in cas can’t be cas’ fault. they have to be dean’s or just like, the universe’s (which makes them dean’s).

so dean is trying to bring cas back, and he finds some kind of spell that can bring someone “from another world.” and he tries it because hey. can’t hurt to try. anyway i’ve thought a long time about different versions of cas i would put in this and here is what i have. in order of when the timeline split off.

- a cas who never raised dean from hell. think 14x13 “lebanon.” this one i’m not too sure about, like, this could be fun, but i don’t know if it’s different enough from the next one. like this castiel would have lived through the averted apocalypse and subsequent general fuckery that happened as an angelic footsoldier, which would actually be pretty interesting now that i think about it, especially since all that stuff would have gone down soooooooo differently without cas specifically for your average angel footsoldier. like cas has PERSONALLY caused more upheaval in heaven in twelve years of spn than there seems to have been in millennia. so he would be the point of view of a normal footsoldier from a totally other world.

- a cas who died mid season four, and is pulled out of the empty in 2017 by this spell. i’m not sure when this cas died. my thoughts are (1) killed in on the head of a pin by alistair, (2) killed during his torture in the rapture, or (3) simply never resurrected after lucifer rising. (3) makes the most sense, but that cas has already thrown away everything for dean. i prefer the idea of a cas who loves dean, is already on the brink of disobedience for him, but has not yet taken the plunge. both on the head of a pin and the rapture are great places for this, and they both have strengths and weaknesses. if he died in the rapture, he was killed by heaven, which is fundamentally more fun, but he was also really very much over the edge already. if he died in on the head of a pin, he wasn’t killed by heaven, but he is perfectly teetering on the brink of falling for dean. regardless of when he died, the purpose of this cas is to be horrified at all the various and myriad ways he has destroyed and corrupted himself for dean in the other timelines.

- possibly endverse cas, who would have died in 2014, but like s4 cas, would have been pulled from the afterlife by the spell. i’m not so sure on this one. we as a society love endverse cas but i dunno what purpose he would serve. maybe endverse cas didn’t die in 2014, and instead was imprisoned by lucifer, because, you know. he’s the only brother lucifer has left. so he is very excited to see dean alive and well, since his dean is dead, and, not being an angel, cas can’t bring him back. the purpose of this cas would be to horrify dean that cas loves him and needs him so much, and to disgust the other cas-es with his neediness.

- a cas who was in some way on better terms with dean during s6. maybe dean and cas ride off into the sunset together after swan song instead of dean going to live with lisa, maybe dean prayed to cas while he was with lisa because he missed him, who knows. either way, cas has dean’s help with the angel revolution in season six from the start, and never goes to crowley. the plan cas and dean come up with to beat raphael includes breaking into the cage and stealing the grace of michael and lucifer, freeing sam and adam in the process. incidentally, it also involves cas possessing dean, because if cas is gonna eat archangel grace to become more powerful, he’s going to need a stronger vessel. so cas and dean have a whole like. midam situation happening. they’re a double archangel together, and godstiel never happened so none of the other terrible apocalypses that stemmed from that happened, and everything is pretty cool where they’re from, and also they’re obviously uhhhhhh SOME kind of together. the purpose of this cas is to upset dean because this cas shows how much better everything could have been and how much better his and cas’ relationship could have been if dean had simply been more considerate of cas in s6, and also freak dean out with how uh. close. this dean and cas are.

- a godstiel who managed to swallow purgatory without swallowing the leviathans and remained god. he’s probably soooomewhat less scary and murdery than canonverse godstiel because no leviathans, so you know, not as many angel purges or massacres on earth. and he probably went and fixed sam’s wall within about three days because cas is prideful but he does NOT like it when dean is mad at him. so they did kiss and make up, and so this cas would have had dean to act as his morality chain. but he’s still very scary and godstiel. and also he refers to dean as “The Beloved” you know. his purpose is to freak everyone out, because he’s scary, but also, for the past cas-es, because he is a terrifying abomination that they could never imagine becoming, for the future cas-es, because he is a reminder of their worst selves, and for dean, because he is a reminder of how dangerous cas is, but also because he uh. obviously has some feelings about his dean. unclear if they are consummated or not.

- a cas who naomi never rescued from purgatory, and who stayed there. hasn't spoken to another being in half a decade, has not recovered from his emotionally destroyed state in purgatory in s8. believes at first that the spell is his dean rescuing him, and is crushed when he realizes he was wrong. like endverse cas, his purpose is to show dean how much cas needs him and depends on him emotionally, and how he (dean) is capable of destroying cas, as well as his guilt for leaving him in purgatory and how lucky he is that his cas got out. this is especially noteworthy since the guilt for leaving cas in purgatory is part of the reason dean is trying to get cas back.

- a cas who stayed human after season nine, and has built himself a small human life over the next four years. he has a job and an apartment and friends outside the winchesters and yes, he still goes hunting after work sometimes, and he's still in contact with dean, but he is also independent in a way no other version of cas has ever been. he exists to freak out dean because dean has never seen cas independent of him. he is also fairly bitter at dean since dean did kind of stop spending time with him when he was no longer useful, and our dean feels guilty for that.

- a cas who showed up twenty minutes later in 10x03, finding sam dead and dean gone, and had to chase down demon dean, and has now spent three years following demon dean around as his tragically adoring stalker, because he hasn't found a way to resurrect sam yet and he doesn't want to put dean through the demon cure until he can save sam because he doesn't want dean to experience that guilt, but he also adores dean and wants to keep an eye on him and keep him safe and also keep him from doing anything too heinous, so he just covertly follows him around the country and watches from a distance as he commits various murders and fucks his way through every local bar scene. and occasionally cas finds dean something to kill, when the mark gets hungry, and drops it in his path. his purpose is to freak dean out with the lengths cas would go for him, and the depths cas would sink to.

anyway. lebanon cas and season four cas are horrified and perhaps disgusted (lebanon cas more than s4 cas) by ALL of the later cas-es, and how far they’re fallen, all of it for dean. godstiel and archangel cas being abominations, endverse cas and s9 cas being fallen, even purgatory cas and demon dean’s cas for their total dependence on dean.

purgatory cas and endverse cas are just happy to see a dean, even if it’s not their dean. demon dean’s cas, too, in a way. he’s happy to see a dean who is still human, who he can still have as a friend.

human cas is pissed to see that he was right, that dean would have stuck by him if he’d still had his powers, that this version of dean is doing spells to try and bring his cas, who is still an angel, back, whereas he and his dean only see each other once every couple months.

everyone is terrified and disgusted by godstiel, as i said before.

they’re mostly kind of thrown by archangel cas. a lot of them are jealous. godstiel is furious because how dare anyone, even an alternate version of himself, take dean as a vessel (even if dean likes it). godstiel isn’t really there, though, he resisted the summoning and just sort of popped his head through to see what was going on, and he goes back to his own reality pretty fast without murdering anyone.

also to be clear dean has not at this point examined or acknowledged any feelings he may have about his cas besides “friendship,” nor has he wondered what feelings his cas may have for him. given how many of the cas-es were clearly in some kind of relationship with their dean (endverse cas, archangel cas) or just openly in love with their dean (godstiel, purgatory cas, demon dean’s cas), dean is forced to reevaluate the nature of his and cas’ relationship.

#spn #asks #anonymous

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blackradandmad · 3 years

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why blippi is rotting yr children's brains

preface: i literally expect no one to read this. it is an essay length, strong opinion piece critiquing a niche youtube-based children's show that i don't expect most of y'all to even have knowledge of lol. but like, i promise that even if you know nothing about what i'm talking about, in my incredibly, super humble opinion, it's a good piece of writing and interesting nonetheless. anyway if you read this whole thing for some reason yr really hot and we should kiss.

i thoroughly vet everything my child watches before he watches it, episode by episode. and we rarely watch youtube for entertainment; we usually just look up educational videos when he has a question about something and wants more detail than i can provide him. and that's mainly because children's content on youtube is so fucking troubling and distressing. i don't judge parents who give their children a tablet at a restaurant at all bc i've been there and sometimes it's easier on everyone to just put on a video and avoid a giant scene, but i do judge parents who just leave their children alone with youtube kids on autoplay.

take stevin john, a literal millionaire who got famous from dressing up as a silly character called blippi and going on tours of places like aquariums, zoos, construction sites, etc and posting it on youtube. this has branched into a whole empire of blippi videos, hulu shows and specials, live shows and tours (that he outsources to another character actor), merchandise and so on. this 30-something year old man cites his main influence as being mr. rogers, but i question if he's ever even seen an episode of that program.

mr. rogers had no background in early childhood development or media production, but he revolutionized the world of children's media, because he respected his audience and didn't shy away from real world situations, all while creating a show with an enormous heart. mr. rogers begins his episodes by inviting the viewer in, literally changing his attire to be more comfortable, and talking about/doing things he genuinely cares about. whereas mr. rogers calmly and maturely addresses the viewer, blippi puts on a high pitched, contrived voice, interjecting every other sentence with a forced exclamation such as, "teehee! we're having so much fun!"

i don't find it a coincidence that john (blippi) is a veteran, either. his videos are completely devoid of the absurd, abstract, childlike thinking that makes children's media fun, creative, and entertaining. his thinking and process is methodical, devoid of emotion, and very superficial. this line of thinking clearly shows the kind of creative sterilization and emphasis on sameness and conformity instilled in the military. blippi simply observes things and interacts with them in a stale, matter-of-fact way. "this ball is purple! this ball is pink! anyway... what's over there? teehee! a car! vroom, vroom!" objects are colors, toy cars don't do anything but drive, curiosity is simply not encouraged.

he uses the "it's educational!" excuse to hide the fact that his show lacks everything that makes media a valuable resource for children to consume in the first place. further than identifying colors, numbers, and the occasional letter or shape, there is just this total lack of children's need for social and emotional development. when mr. rogers breaks the fourth wall to address the viewer and let them know they're special, it feels authentic and natural, because we've spent the last half hour building whole worlds with diverse characters and unique stories in a pretend neighborhood, learning about and enjoying different musical instruments, being exposed to and making friends with (even if parasocially, it is still a real bond to children when done properly) children who are similar to us in character regardless of physical or environmental differences, feeding the fish, making art together, and so on. when blippi tells the viewer, "you are very special, and i enjoy spending time with you!" it falls completely flat and feels unearned, because the last half hour was spent running around a soft play center pointing at bright, colorful objects, visiting interesting locations like farms or fruit production factories while failing to acknowledge the humanity of the humans actually working there (everything is machine or product focused; the human workers are simply an extension of the machine), learning "fun facts" about elephants that just list attributes of elephants, not taking the opportunity to inform the viewers of elephants' intelligence, or diet, or matriarchal society. it is a loud, sensory overwhelming display of a man so disconnected from the social and emotional needs and desires of children that he assumes they're stupid, easily entertained idiots who only need some silly dances and fast-moving cartoon graphics to give their attention (meaning time and desire to purchase products meaning $$$). john clearly views his audience as a means to gaming the algorithm and ultimately a paycheck by the hollow way he addresses them.

the show is so narcissistic, so focused on all the fun blippi is supposedly having, but he lacks any of the character traits that make individual children's show hosts memorable, so much so that he was able to have someone else who doesn't even vaguely resemble him dress as blippi and impersonate him and host the show or appear at live shows, and it went unnoticed by most of his toddler and child audience. the show is so formulaic and the character of blippi is so unmemorable that instead of taking the blue's clues route of developing a story of the host leaving for college and his brother now stepping in, or making some sort of believable excuse for the change in actors, they can simply swap him out with some random guy and not acknowledge it at all. although a comedy show for older children, the amanda show in no way could or would try to replicate the show with the same name but swapping out amanda bynes with a random teenage girl who is clearly not amanda bynes. it's weird and nonsensical and shows that his character is so much of a farce put on for a paycheck that not even his dedicated audience is affected or even cares when he is replaced by a random, unknown person.

this is completely garbage content made by an opportunist with no experience with children who saw his nephew watching children's youtube content, took it at complete surface level and still hasn't realized that while children's content only looks and feels so easy, entertaining, and enriching because it is so hard to do well. even with outsourcing his music, that aspect of the show still sucks. famous and successful children's musician, raffi, is known for his song describing the life of a little white whale, called "baby beluga." it opens with a calm strumming of his guitar, followed by the lyrics, "baby beluga in the deep blue sea/swim so wild and you swim so free/heaven above/sea below/and a little white whale on the go." is it silly and kind of pointless? yes, but the point is that he is captivating children and showing them the fun of listening to music, dancing, singing, and appreciating art. the "excavator song" featured in an episode of blippi about construction vehicles opens with what sounds like a default garageband loop and the flatly sung lyrics, "i'm an excavator/i'm an excavator/hey dirt, see you later/i'm an excavator." i don't feel i have to meticulously analyze the aforementioned lyrics; the stark contrast should speak for itself.

i have a million more criticisms about both blippi specifically and youtube children's content as a whole, but this is already so long and i doubt many people will get this far anyway. it's an issue i was completely apathetic towards until i had my own child and had to wean him off these kinds of junk food shows because i realized the fast-paced visuals and bright colors and repetitive songs/lyrics were putting him in this spaced-out, fugue state, and he thought he could demand this show or that show whenever he wanted. the moment he started regularly yelling things like, "watch! cars!" or "no! click it!" i knew i had to be a lot more invested in the things he watched even if just for entertainment or as a soothing message. i showed him an episode of mr. rogers yesterday and feared it would be too slow to hold his attention, but he was mesmerized, greeting and interacting with mr. rogers verbally, asking me, "what's that?" to different objects on the screen. since purging this low-brow children's entertainment, he has had a noticeable increase in attention span and concentration, can focus on a task for longer amounts of times, is more likely to "read"/look through books without me initiating it, and doesn't throw a fit when the tv/my laptop is off.

i just know that for me, growing up with so much unsupervised internet access definitely led me to real-world pain and consequences, and it seems like now children are born with an iphone as an extension of their arm. if my child is going to be consuming videos, i'm definitely supervising every second and am going to be highly critical of the videos and the credentials (or lack thereof) of the creators and team behind it. but i also know, from pure observation admittedly, that parents letting youtube kids autoplay parent their children for hours at a time is not an uncommon occurrence. and it worries me that a generation of children are being raised on videos that rely on being as loud and bright and superficially enjoyable as possible. what's the use of a child knowing their colors and alphabet if they don't know how to treat people with kindness and empathy and respect? there is something wrong for a children's show host to plug the spelling of his name at the end of his videos ("well, that's the end of this video. but if you wanna watch more of my videos, just type in my name! can you spell my name with me? b-l-i-p-p-i!") after essentially rotting his audiences' brains for a half hour. there's something so insidious about the prioritization of naming different parts of construction vehicles over honest depictions of and conversations about dealing with feelings, or why someone with autism may act differently than you, or what to do when you feel lonely, or ways to make art and express yrself creatively. also, not to mention the blatant police propaganda and outright worship is seriously jarring; as a black mother to a visibly non-white child, i cannot sit there and watch blippi show kids how to be a bootlicker for the shittiest profession on earth, but that could be a whole essay in and of itself.

anyway, thanks for reading, if yr looking for quality children's content, i recommend, in no specific order: mr. rogers, sesame street, the electric company, molly of denali, daniel tiger, bluey!, blue's clues, the odd squad, word party, trash truck, puffin rock, uhh... that's definitely not an extensive list but that's just off the dome!!! ok bye y'all <333

#lil rambles #long post t #idk why it's formatted like this ig cos i copy pasted from my fb?#whatever anyway idk why i waste my writing skills on shit literally nobody else but me cares abt #blippi #children's television

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yinses · 3 years

Text

fractured kingdoms

| he made you a princess ... it was only right for him to play the white knight |

gojo satoru rating: t

a/n: so i had an idea. this is more of a premise for a potential series that will doubtfully be chaptered in order. i have terrible luck with that. more or less snapshots of this dynamic to see where it takes me. i always write best on new episode release days.

gojo satoru used to enjoy his job- hell he was practically born for the role of exorcising curses. as a first year, along with his fellow classmates, he thought he could change the world.

it was an optimistic goal that he never quite lost sight of but his mindset had changed over the years. having a best friend turn on an entire organization coupled with gatekeeping elders who should have died last century could do that to anyone's ambitions.

so when gojo accepted a case, he did it but the task was conducted his own way on his own time.

it was the least he could do for an institution who took advantage of his inherited ability.

he was already planning out his order for the little pastry shoppe around the corner as he cleared a plethora of curses making themself home in the old abandoned fish packing plant. the acrid and heavy atmosphere had cultivated a miasma of stupidity it seemed, enticing the youth to come seek out nonexistent mysteries and claim their own death instead.

proclaimed haunted grounds like this were always prevalent breeding grounds for the weaker lot who couldn't chance hunting alone. the pack mentality made them look stronger than what they were.

it was all just troublesome work for him.

gojo quickly surveyed the mess that lay before him- bodies broken beyond identification. showing them to the morning families would only increase the amount of negative energy already floating around the area. it would be better to just shut down the perimeter completely for proper purging.

that was something ijichi could manage.

his hand twitched for his pocket to order such when he felt a lingering weight of cursed energy. this essence wasn’t like the others- in fact he didn’t recall even noticing it until now.

with a huff he slouched into a relaxed stance, infinity tightening around his body, “now, now. let’s not make this harder for ourselves. i have a tight schedule after all.” if he was lucky, he could make two stops instead of his scheduled one. he’d like some nice bobba tea to go with his treat.

gojo waited a moment longer, willing to make it fair for once. but then nothing happened. these might be his least favorite curses, those born from cowardice.

he fingered the edge of his blindfold in contemplation. taking it off may be overkill, but something about the situation insists upon it. intrigued by the shift, he pulls the material down to his chin and takes in the factory in its entirety.

for a second there was nothing. then blue eyes flicker upward.

“oh wow. pretty, pretty.”

something in the rafters rustles, and a small thud sounded to his right as a figure landed gracefully less than a foot away.

it was daring, to say the least. most curses avoided his aura, not willing entered it. but the most unsettling thing was that it spoke.

the level of cursed energy emanating from the form did not match with the intelligence it was portraying. it could be mimicry, a set of learned phrases used to trick and lure. but even known when and how to use them-

not to mention they’d commented specifically on his eyes.

“it’s rude not to thank a lady when she offers a compliment.”

gojo couldn’t resist turning at that.

it was a lady; perhaps more correctly a girl- possibly in her early twenties. there were no errant limbs or monstrous editions. she looked normal, almost human. maybe even an amateur sorcerer if he’d just focused on the energy she emitted.

a low grade shaman may have actually mistaken her for one.

that would have been a shame.

gojo brought his hand over his heart in an apologetic gesture,” sorry, it was your own beauty that stopped me short.”

her lips pulled back and the white of her teeth sent a thrilling chill down his spine.

how interesting indeed.

he motioned vaguely to the remains,” am i to assume this was your court?” curses congregating deceive humans was one thing, but to kneel to a higher authority.

an unregistered special grade.

that would be problematic.

her eyes raked over the scene with disinterest,”oh that shit show? as if i would associate myself with them.”

“well that’s not very nice. most princess have better opinions of their subjects.”

her smile widen. oh, she liked that.

gojo carefully braced himself to remain undeterred as she took a casual step forward. instincts urged him to eliminate it on the spot but curiosity begged him to learn more.

as if she felt his hesitancy, she stopped. “princess, huh? will you kneel for me too?”

he laughs at that, “oh i don’t think my superiors would appreciate me doing that.”

there is a brief period of silence and gojo waits with baited breath for the fighting to start. she was obviously retaining her cursed energy, eventually it would overflow to its true capacity. part of gojo actually would regret silencing this one, it wasn’t often that they were this interesting.

when it appeared that she wasn’t going to make the first move, he sighed,” well, unfortunately this has gone on long enough-”

“what kind of sweets do you like?”

gojo blinked dumbly.

“ah, that depends, i suppose. there is this really nice bakery not far from here that makes great manju.” his next destination after he got rid of this curse. why was he even drawing this out? he didn’t feel particularly compelled or threatened, to be frank.

“i’ll have to try it then!”

gojo is left to stare at the palm extended outward.

“can i have money please?”

⚘ ⚘ ⚘

against his better judgement, gojo offers to buy them for her instead.

seated across from the curse, he watches her quietly as she ate through two orders with ease. he also watches the floating civilians around her. not all human were immune to curses, occasionally one with a weak sense would notice something.

but the clerk didn’t miss a single beat when taking her order.

“um… are you going to eat that?”

gojo looked down at the reason why he’d come out this far in the first place and back to the empty plate in front of him. he didn’t think twice before giving her third serving in the last twenty minutes.

“how interesting.”

she looked up mid bite,”wha?”

curling his fingers into a fist to lean into, gojo gave her his full attention,” do you know what you are?”

“well, i’m a girl. opposite of what you are,’’ she explains snidely. for someone who had been given a free treat, she was a bit of a brat.

more importantly, gojo wasn’t detecting any blatant evasion in her speech. it … wasn’t possible for her to actually believe that she was human. perhaps she could be a misguided curse, but what mortal girl would hang out with such monstrous friends. she hadn’t even denied their existence in the factory.

gojo decides to cut to the chase,” we both know you’re not a regular girl.”

she brings the fork to her mouth,”i thought we established that i was a princess?”

oh, this was bad. gojo really should have just finished her before. he should not have invested this far. and certainly should not have bought her mangu.

the only thing worse than an unorthodox gojo, was one equipped with a fresh idea.

#gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo blessings

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bondsmagii · 3 years

Note

Hey read (some of) this blog post (long as hell), tries to pick it up where your old scp cult post left off: lackoflepers medium com/scp-is-not-a-cult-196e87ce6b11

(link)

this is insane. I've never written anything that's ever received a full response before, so that's exciting. what's even more exciting is that this piece does raise some really interesting questions, and is very well-written and thoughtful.

the strange thing is, I think we're both in agreement -- but I'm calling it a cult, and the author of this piece is calling it a "fledgling religion". I agree with this outlook, if I'm honest -- but at the same time I can't help but think that this has filled a hole in my cult theory, rather than poked a hole in it.

when I wrote the original cult post, the one thing I couldn't quite equate was the religion aspect. there was a lot of things to consider from that aspect, in terms of cults requiring a certain doctrine, rituals, etc, and while I was able to draw comparisons to the site culture and these things, it didn't quite fit. this article explains and illustrates exactly what all of these things are, and the sheer amount of similarities between the SCP wiki culture and religious fundamentalists. it's absolutely incredible, how it all still adds up.

however, some things are way off. I understand the author has a history with site and with staff, and they obviously understand that there's a complicated relationship between the two. the piece certainly tackles the question from an educated site-critical standpoint, but I can't help but notice some glaring omissions and in some places, assumptions which I feel are quite simply incorrect. under the cut we go, because this is long.

the author seems to be very ignorant of the site's cyclical patterns. one of their main arguments for the wiki's not being a cult is how people like Dr Gears and thedeadlymoose don't have more power over the masses, being such important figures. the problem with the wiki is that it is very cyclical, and big names of one era do not translate over to new eras. big names replace old ones, and the old ones either become fond grandparent figures (like Gears, who had the sense to take a step back before the tides changed against him) or they become irrelevant or reviled (like thedeadlymoose, or pixelatedharmony (Roget).) this means that if the former appeals to the group, they will get essentially a pat on the head and a gentle dismissal, or if the latter speak out they will be silenced, harassed, banned, etc. this is very cultlike behaviour -- if somebody goes against the grain, they become an immediate enemy of the people. the only way to survive fame on the wiki is to retire quietly, at your peak, and keep yourself to yourself.

going on from this, there are also different levels to how a staff member is seen. there have been eras of the site where the site admin might not be as impressive as one of the prolific writers, for example. who these days knows about The Administrator? it's all Dr Gears to them. different authors have different levels of unofficial authority, and the author of the piece doesn't seem to realise that it's a cult of personality as much as anything else. there are constant divisions among staff, even if they present a united front; frequently those not toeing the party line have been ostracised or purged, and this filters down to the average user. just because a person is on staff does not mean they immediately skyrocket to godhood, if we're using the religious metaphor. this is why it seems as though "staff" as a whole isn't uniformly worshipped -- they're not. there are complex currents of power at work here, and it's frustrating because at first glance it seems to invalidate the very real fact that a few site members have all the authority. the staff worship extends to staff members. those in lower tiers will act similarly to those in higher tiers as a new member would act towards all staff.

the author draws attention to thedeadlymoose's impressive efforts to bring the site forward from its 4chan beginnings and make it more inclusive to LGBT members -- something that has undoubtedly had an effect. however, the author does not mention that to date, the site's only successful splinter site (as in, a site that lasted more than a few weeks) is RPC, and while this website came about for multiple reasons, it's undeniable that one of these reasons was because of the fact that the wiki was openly supportive of LGBT people during Pride Month. it's also interesting to note that the author is also a member of the RPC site, so it's odd that this piece of the site's origins is not mentioned.

the acceptance of these pro-LGBT policies also seems to be less wide-spread than the author believes -- most people don't care, there does exist users who are homophobic or transphobic, and -- something I'm surprised wasn't mentioned at all in the piece -- when LGBT members of the site spoke up and said the new logo made them feel pandered to, and the resulting blowout made them feel targeted and unsafe, they were mass banned from the subreddit by a rogue moderator who, incensed by the fact his authority was so challenged, then ragequit and abused people on the threads for several hours. this is a typical staff response to discontent in the masses. so yes, thedeadlymoose did have some significant sway in the attitude changing somewhat, but it was not as widespread (nor as cared about) as the article's author seems to think.

now, I shall move on to specific quotations.

Furthermore, as a gaggle of creators, SCP should never feature the mass conformity of thought that defines a cult; theirs is an ecosystem that predicates itself upon creation, and obsessively on the new and original — that is to say, the different (but tempered).

while the author does elaborate on this idea of creativity and conformity, this is just wrong. again, I blame the author's ignorance in regards to the cyclical nature of the site -- which isn't the fault of the author, in my opinion. such cycles are slow, measuring out in years rather than months, which is insanely long for an internet community. in order to notice them, you would have to have been observing for some time -- which I have been. since I have been observing the site (which has been since its very creation -- I was on the 4chan thread in 2007 when 173 was created and I have seen the wiki from its infancy on EditThis over to wikidot) I have seen this happen countless times. a type of writing, be it style or genre, takes off. it could be LOLFoundation, grimdark, whatever -- it takes off, it runs the site for a year or so, and then it crashes and burns. when it takes off, there are rules for writing it that must be obeyed lest you be downvoted to oblivion. as the attitude turns against it, those who still write it are vilified and ostracised, and the new one takes over. there have been mass purges in the past, and there has always been, since the wiki's inception, conformity of thought. one of my oldest complaints about the wiki is that, for a site full of writers, they have no imagination and absolutely no desire to step out of the approved style.

To put it very broadly, things get accustomed to the status quo in a highly regulated environment, and get better at simply remaining and surviving in that.

this could be a decent rebuff to my previous point, but the fact is that while the SCP wiki harbours cultish behaviour, a vast majority of the users are casual readers who maybe write one or two articles. the stagnation is, at least partially, because of the fact that most users sign up, read some articles, think "cool, I have an idea for one!", write it -- and have it emulate the articles they've read, thus sounding similar in tone and content to the rest of the recent articles -- get a semi-decent response if lucky, and then move on after a few months or years.

the people who power the wiki, however -- who are prolific, who churn out insane amount of articles -- are suffering from what I outlined in my above point. a small percentage of the wiki dictates the direction it goes. it has always been like this -- and people who go against the grain that staff have employed, be it old user or new, will pay for it. this payment is often in downvotes, but occasionally comes in harassment, bans, or deletions, too.

Lastly a cult is really the most extreme version of a religion, it is a religion on steroids.

this is straight-up incorrect. cults began as religions gone hayware, yes, but the idea of a cult as a Jonestown-style compound in the middle of nowhere is outdated. cults are the most extreme version of an ideology -- be it religious, political, or otherwise. they are ideologies on steroids. thanks to the internet, they also no longer have to be in real life spaces. you can be in a social cult on Twitter or on Discord; you can be in a cult of ideology on an incel forum or in a social circle of TERF blogs. all of these things are cults. they have cult-like behaviour and thinking.

this is where the author proves my point beyond all doubt. the author says the following about the wiki's increasingly left-wing inclusive policies:

What was intended to be an executive extension in peace has, due to the force required to counteract the sheer hostility and persecution once leveled at this group at its peak, instead overshot its mark and has become a brutal bureaucratic sanctioning of political identity. (I can hear someone saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.)

the biggest shift in this cult-think, for me, was observed when the shift towards Terminally Online Woke Left attitudes began to be increasingly observed. I'm not talking about getting people to tone down the homophobia and whatnot. I'm talking about this culture of purity and suffering that the author outlines very well in the article; if you have read the article, I needn't go over it again. the wiki now holds a monopoly on suffering using the same kind of Oppression Olympics as other spaces devoted to purity culture -- and purity culture is a cult. this is straight-up fact at this point. it is my belief that staff identified the power available to them in a) targeting people from oppressed and vulnerable groups and giving them a so-called safe space and b) using their various oppressions to their advantage.

something that is prolific in purity culture circles is that somebody who is oppressed in any way cannot be held to blame for their actions. they cannot be a bad person. this is ideological armour, and staff wields it. they also use purity culture and apparently progressive ideology to shut down anyone who dissents, and to smear their name and have then ostracised as an enemy. why do they do this? liking the power and fame of their position is a big part of it, as the author outlined, but something major is missing.

throughout the entire article, the author does not once mention the detailed and extensive history of staff sexually abusing minors on the site.

this is well-documented by this point. staff has seen many predators in its ranks, including one of the most prolific site members of all time -- AdminBright, or The Duckman. staff has known about these staff members and has covered it up over years. I myself have heard testimony from countless victims, but whenever we raise enough of a stink, a staff member does an "internal investigation" and nothing comes of it. the fact that the cult-like behaviour of this website can be discussed without one of the cornerstones of cult activity -- using its members for financial or sexual gain -- is astounding to me.

to go on from this, there is also no mention of the SCP lawyer fund, which raised over $30,000 and then faced staff actively resisting transparency as to the case and the funds. financial manipulation is another major example of cult behaviour.

without acknowledging these two things, I do not think that a full argument against the idea of the SCP wiki as a cult can be possible.

the author raises a good point that illustrates both why staff acts the way it does, and why the users are so eager to imitate:

The answer is something that can turn someone into their nemesis; something that would make someone sell their soul for 1000 upvotes; that tragic commonality that binds all individuals who feel the need to write; the need to be received, but more, to be loved for it.

this is a big reason why staff clings to its power, and why people sell out their creativity, and why people emulate this behaviour, and why prolific authors burn out so fast. however, running through all of this at its core -- through the need to be received and loved -- is the power that comes with it. this is all about power.

to mention the specific example of LordStonefish, and his reaction when he found out that his interviewer was enemy of the people pixelatedharmony, now of "burning out, ragequitting the site, and going to talk shit on KiwiFarms" infamy:

[...] it was as if LSF was speaking to a leper, and that the ongoing participation in the salvation of public approval (not to mention site participation as well) was directly dependent upon LSF’s rebuke of pH as a demon who is only worthy of a terrible fate and, as we see in the screencaps, even death.

leaving my personal opinions on Harmony out of this, going from a perfectly civil interview to finding out that the interviewer was an enemy and not only dumping all of his private information to offset doxing, but also going into detail about some highly personal stuff for shock value... I don't think Harmony quite required that treatment. the fact is that, as the quote outlines above, the only way to ensure that he wouldn't be completely ostracised for fraternising with the enemy (KiwiFarms -- of which Harmony is apparently the ambassador) was to behave like a man shunning a sinner. Harmony has sinned -- she rejected the status quo, she defied the group and its authority, and LordStonefish, in order to remain safe from being tarred with the same brush -- has to react with suitable horror to her presence.

it should be noted here that while KiwiFarms has a reputation for being a hive of scum and villainy, its main reputation regarding the SCP Wiki has been for being the one place where complaints against the site are openly discussed, often by defected staff members such as pixelatedharmony and Cyantreuse, and perhaps most telling of all -- the place where a lot of accounts of sexual harassment and abuse have been filed. staff rails against it on the grounds of it being filled with people who use slurs and have questionable ideological beginnings (ironic, coming from a website which began on 4chan) -- but as a leftist myself with extensive knowledge of the wiki, I can confirm that no criticisms I've seen on there have been unfair or inaccurate, and in fact a lot of the evidence and testimony posted there is damning. it would be fair to not wish to associate with the site because of its content in other places, or even its past reputation, but the fact staff rail against it so hard when it's currently one of the only places (and certainly the only public place) where their deeds are on display? it's interesting.

of LordStonefish's reaction, the author says:

This is the behavior of a deeply religious figure.

it is. this is the reaction of a Mormon meeting an old friend who has left the church. this is the reaction of a Jehovah's Witness crossing the street to avoid a shunned neighbour. it is the behaviour, you could say, of a cult member.

in the conclusion, the author states:

And if anyone is to shoulder blame for the creation of this pathology and its complex, it are those true bigots of history and today, who don’t have the spiritual maturity to understand that someone’s sexual preference or identity shouldn’t be enough to categorically separate them from a definition of humanity; to beat, maim, and wish death upon them.

perhaps this might have been true, perhaps this might have drawn a thoughtful and damning line under the whole affair, if not for the fact that this behaviour has been occurring since long before the internet became known for its progressive and now increasingly often, ridiculous takes on inclusion and sensitivity. this kind of cultish groupthink has been ongoing since the wiki's very first inception. the cyclical worship of a group of staff members and other prolific writers (though the group are often one and the same) and their chosen theme or genre has occurred like clockwork since the late 00s. it has occurred when the website was still entrenched in its 4chan days and saying slurs was barely blinked at. it was still there back when staff was predominantly (or at least presumably) cis, white, and male. it was there when being gay was the butt of a joke and being trans was all but unthought of. it has always been there, and while the latest progressive policies and attitudes have had an effect on how the power is wielded, it has not changed the power itself. if the tides ever turn on the Terminally Online Woke ideology, staff will change with it and adapt their policies and ideologies to keep their power.

if anyone is to shoulder the blame for the creation of this pathology, it is the elitist attitude that has allowed a select few to be worshipped unquestionably. it is the power-hungry individuals who seek out fame and respect on a writing website and then use this fame and respect to treat others badly and their fear of a fall from grace to shelter others treating people worse. it is on the shoulders of the staff members who use their position to groom and sexually assault minors. it is on the shoulders of the staff members who keep it silent. as the severity of staff's secrets has increased, so has their attempts to silence dissent and reform at all costs.

the author agrees that this kind of religious think might lead to a cult in the future. the author says the cult will be a cult of vulnerability, but I disagree. I believe the cult is already there, and it is -- and always has been -- a cult of power.

#scp shenanigans #anon #asks

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hollowlittlegirl · 2 years

Text

Let's talk

**TL/DR**

i look and feel terrible. i was just looking at myself in the bathroom mirror. i'm so, so pale. i have big dark circles under my eyes. Every cut and bruise on my body from a month ago hasn't healed. my hair is a disaster. The first two inches of it look normal, and after that it's totally dry and it keeps breaking off. i haven't used shampoo in a month, i just keep conditioning it. It makes no difference. i can't sleep. The meds i take at night put me to sleep, but i wake up every hour or two. Usually i give up around 2am and get up. It makes me tired all day. my body has grown fuzzy. my hair won't grow, but i have this really soft hair starting to come out. my body needs to make up its mind if it wants me to have hair or not. my fingernails haven't grown in a couple months. i don't have periods any more. i don't really miss them. i can't concentrate. i'll be watching a movie and i won't even know what show it is. i'm too busy focusing on the female characters' collarbones and wondering what their bmi is. i gave up on school. my grades were high enough that all i have to do is pass the final and i'll get an A in the class. i figured why even bother doing more work? i watch Supersize vs Superskinny for thinspo. i'm always shocked by how much the superskinny one eats. i can't imagine how they got so thin on 1,200 calories a day. It makes me jealous. The supersize is a warning of what i will look like if i eat that tortilla i want. i've started having chest pain when i run, but it doesn't stop me. i'm so cold all the time. If i eat i miss this cold, shaky feeling; but when i'm in the middle of it it's a hard place to be. When i eat i wish i hadn't. i feel really down on myself. When i don't eat i'm miserable and everyone gets really worried about me. i can't tell when i'm hungry most days. i get nauseous and headachey and i don't connect it to the fact that i haven't eaten. i have no patience, and everything irritates and upsets me. Nobody really wants to be around me. i can't say i blame them. i don't want to be around me either. i swear if alcohol didn't have calories i would be a raging alcoholic. i need something to numb this pain. Then, out of the blue, i can't stop eating and throwing up. i'll eat like 4,000 calories in one day and purge it all. The strange thing is, some days i can eat normally, but that happens so rarely and it really hurts when i lose it again. i really thought i was in recovery for three or four days, and then i fell back into it. It's really demoralizing. It's really hard to not feel like a failure, especially when people around me heap criticisms on me. Can't they understand that i feel bad enough and i don't need them making it worse? Can't they understand that if i could eat normally i would? Why is it so hard to find help? In four months of struggling i've only had one glimmer of hope, and i'm expecting that to be dashed as soon as they call me back. It's like if my car broke down and i couldn't find a garage who would fix it and everyone blamed me because my car won't run. i'm always reminded of a scene in Joker when he writes "The worst thing about having a mental illness is that people expect you to behave like you don't have it." i'm not suicidal which is a relief, but i'm truly hopeless. i really don't expect this to get better or be over, ever. All i can wish for at this point is the occasional good day.

#anatumblr #disordered eating tw #tw ed mention #anarex1c #tw ed related #tw ed talk #ed behaviors #ed behavior tw #eating disorder thoughts #ana tumblr #eating disorder things #tw ed rant

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televisionboy · 3 years

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really small drabble I wrote so long ago and never posted it! I want to clarify if you take this drabble as sexist, it’s meant to be that because it’s the 1940s. Obviously women were not thought of as being strong or “strong enough to kill”. This is very much not my mindset I’m just being realistic of the mindsets in this time!!

@my-haunting-romance @thatsonefishyboi @punkgeekcryptid @pierrespandas @prvtbullshit @liebegott @order-of-river-phoenix @himbowelsh @real-fans @snafus-peckuh @warrior-healer @sydney-m @starkiddasilva @neverendingstories00 @3milesup @sunnyshifty @gutsandgloryhere @band-of-bitches @murphyism @wexhappyxfew @we-always-hit-our-ass @lovingunderratedcharacters @contrabandhothead @alrightnicelighter @georgeluzwarmhugs @sodapop182 @hoosiers-blanket @mrseasycompany @honeybisous @stressedinadress @opalsdaggers @mavysnavy @rayofshanshine @band-of-brothers-headcannons @trashgoddess600 @happyveday @saritanotserena @how-are-those-nuts-sarge

The Rules Of The Game

imagine Ronald Speirs looking like this after he had received a divorce paper during the war from you.

He was a man of his word, promising to give you the bracelet you saw in the antique store, the very expensive new bottle of wine, flowers after work. More often than not, he brought it home. Many times, he did not and refused to listen to you. The few times you talked to him during the war were short letters updating him on life at home and the cats, he would respond with where he was.

Ronald Speirs would respond in his mind because he was clearly not a man of his word. While Easy was in Holland, an anonymous letter was written to you from one of the men saying that Speirs had kissed a European woman and she had found Liebgott late at night confessing that she was pregnant.

The letter was stored quickly away in your plate cabinet all the way in the back. For weeks, you cried, plotted revenge against Ronald Speirs.

“Can ladies kill?” One of your friends had asked. Maybe, only one way to find out. After they had left Holland, Speirs received a letter from you

“I just need to know someone out there listens and understands and doesn’t try to sleep with people even if they could have. I need to know those people exist. I know you long for freedom, and I can’t blame you. You long for women and cheap beer, I cannot tie you down and force you to stay married to me much like your mother attempted to. Occasionally I will allow myself to imagine that you’re somewhere crying while reading this and I feel awful for admitting it makes me feel better, however I know that you are taking shelter somewhere in Europe and surrounding yourself with men who don’t know their right foot from their left and that is your biggest worry right now. Someday I will write poems about this, Ron. And someday you will find them in book stores, maybe one of your mens mothers will send them it. But first I must survive this.

yours

(p.s. I cant blame you for any of this. I would’ve done the same if I was in the middle of nowhere and having to kill people daily. maybe not with you but with that woman)

If a man was not one of his words, then the rules of the game in a relationship are a purge and a lady is allowed to kill him. After all, you should have to pay a price for losing.

#band of brothers #band of brothers x reader #band of brothers imagine #band of brothers headcanons #ronald speirs #ronald speirs x reader #ronald speirs imagine #ronald speirs headcanons #Ronald Speirs smut

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squishybellies · 3 years

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A little overindulgence

((I wrote a S//al/ad Fin//g/ers stuffing + wg fic because I've been hyperfixating on the series a lot. This was a little hard to write since (except for episode 5 and 11) he's really the only character that talks, but I did my best and I do like how it came out. Enjoy! Or don't, I'm not your mom.

Content warnings: object vore, implied starvation, implied familial abuse.)) Salad Fingers slumped in his chair sadly. It had been quite a while since he had eaten something proper, and he found that marbles he had been eating the past few days hadn’t done much besides disturb his stomach further. His eyes lidded as he began to feel quite lightheaded, but before he passed out he could faintly hear a tapping in the distance. Before he got the chance to address it, however, he found himself falling into unconsciousness.

As he groggily woke up, a strange scent filled his nostrils. “What’s this?” He pondered, yet no other sounds in his house indicated to anything being amiss. He curiously followed the scent trail to his kitchen, where he was greeted by a menagerie of different foods, none of which he had seen before, most were a lot less viscous than the gooey muck he was used to shoving down his esophagus. He once again called out to see if anyone was there, although there was still no response.

“I suppose this is for me, then…?” He looked around nervously, not wanting to disturb if there was a guest in his home. The food looked good though, and after a while of waiting he certainly couldn’t stand to not give into his desires any longer. “W-well, this is awfully kind. T-They ought to come back eventually, I suppose I’ll thank them when they return…” Mr. Fingers took a seat at the table and marvelled at the selection, it really was an awful lot of food, definitely more than the average bloke would eat. Surely he couldn’t finish it all, but then again he wasn’t sure when he would have another proper meal, ever since he purged his mother from his life he had an awful time cooking by himself. Then again, his mother was gone, and she had also always told him not to be greedy, but now that she wasn’t around, he supposed a little self indulgence never hurt anyone.

The first food item he picked up was a corn dog, and upon taking the first bite he felt a strange mixture of regret and happiness. His body definitely wasn’t used to such nutritious food and flavour, but he found himself craving more the second he finished it, swallowing the stick as well. He tapped his fingers together gently, “well that wasn’t so bad… I definitely think I wouldn’t mind more of these delectable treats…” he looked around again, before gently placing one hand on his abdomen. It felt odd, he definitely wasn’t full by any means but this was still more food then he usually ate, his stomach wasn't pushed in at the moment, which was also new to him.

“A l-little more wouldn’t hurt surely-” He reassured himself, using one hand to grab a basket of popcorn, and using one finger on the other to very delicately rub his tummy, which was feeling quite sensitive at the moment. He shuddered at his own touch as he began to shove popcorn into his mouth. “M-mph, g-gaining a few p-pounds wouldn't be that bad anyways I’m sure… at least I w-won’t be as cold during the winter…” he continued to rationalize what he was doing in his head.

Soon he finished the popcorn as well, and he was still feeling hungry. He grabbed a plate of burgers, three to be exact, they were plain, with nothing on them, but they were awfully greasy. He slowly ate each of the burgers, sliding each one into his mouth, once he finished the last one he let out a small belch. “Urmph… pardon me….” At this point he felt pretty satisfied, although a small part of him wanted to keep going.

And so, he did. He was feeling rather thirsty at this point so he grabbed the gallon of milk he had in his fridge, briefly pondering to himself if his stomach could even keep it down. Before he had time to chicken out though, he pressed the lid of the jug against his lips, feeling the cold milk trickle down his throat and into his stomach. His belly was starting to jut out more, curving into a more rounded shape as it strained against his shirt, a small sliver of skin peeking out from the bottom.

Mr. Fingers laid back in his chair, drifting a hand over the swell. He ended up finishing off the entire gallon of milk, but he still didn’t quite feel like stopping. Steadying himself, he scooted his chair closer to the table and reached over, grabbing five large soft pretzels. He spent quite some time chipping away at the salty delights, and when he wasn’t gnawing on them, his hands were caressing his bulging belly.

He huffed heavily as he finished the last pretzel, his full tummy feeling tight to the touch, round and poking out of his shirt proudly, the weight of everything he had eaten pinning him where he sat. For a while he sat there, feeling both regretful and extremely satisfied. He could practically feel his gut weighing against his lungs, and the only things he managed to verbalise were the occasional grunt or moan. Eventually he managed to fall asleep where he sat, feeling full and warm inside.

When he woke up, he still felt a bit groggy, placing a hand to his head, he mumbled as he got up. Something felt off though, and as he came to he quickly remembered what had occurred the other night. His hands brushed against his sides, feeling the new pudge that had been added to his body. He was thankful that it wasn’t too much, although he was still certainly softer then he was the other day. His now decently chubby belly strained slightly against his clothes, although thankfully those still fit.

He blushed slightly, embarrassed by his gluttony. He gave his tummy a gentle pat and promised himself he wouldn’t indulge like that again for a while. That was, until he looked over at the table. To his surprise, someone or something had restocked and cleaned the plates they had set out, and filled them with more delicious delicacies. From just a brief glance he could see chicken wings, snow cones, cake pops, and more!

At first, he thought about ignoring it and going along with his day, but after grabbing one doughnut on the table for breakfast, and being just as delighted by the flavour as the food in his last feast, he somehow convinced himself to eat more.

As he gently licked one of the many snow cones set before him, he promised himself he wouldn’t overdo it like last time.

#my stories #stuffing #weight gain #object vore #stuffing fic

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power-chords · 3 years

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Post-trip round-up, integration, thoughts (cut for length & some Heavy Shit)

WOW I needed that and I am so glad I realized I needed that. It has been well over ten years since I last took LSD, and my reluctance to indulge in psychedelics again was rooted in a long and complicated history that I don't really need to hash out here, but doing a mild dose of mushrooms last weekend gave me the confidence and conviction that I was ready.

Would it have been wiser to take a less bonkers dose for the first time in a decade plus? Probably! Do I regret a single moment of it? Not a whit! It's tough to overstate just how powerful, therapeutic, and restorative a good acid trip is, even an occasionally intense, uncomfortable one. I do not recommend eating multiple tabs of extremely good blotter on your first rodeo, but Adam's even more of a veteran psychonaut than I am, so I was 1000% well cared for, totally safe, and in a comfortable, familiar environment. In that setting, and in a positive frame of mind, acid is not going to throw anything at you that you are not equipped to handle. I would love to make this an annual or biannual thing.

The cool, funny, wacky delightful stuff:

Put it under my tongue at 10 AM-ish. Went to go listen to some music and doodle until it kicked in. I forgot that the come-up is like, do not make any fucking plans involving hand-eye coordination LMAO. I was trying to doodle Bowery Ballroom in an old sketchbook, and that devolved quickly. The markers were old so some of the caps were really stuck on there, and I wound up devolving into fits of laughter from the absurdity of pulling the caps off with my teeth.

Ink stains on my hands started writhing and trailing and were very cool. That was the first thing I noticed. I got very sad that I stopped drawing and making art, which was something I did all my life and almost went to school for but stopped doing as an adult. And then I realized I could start drawing again any time if I wanted to, and I didn't have to be GOOD at it or a proper artist for it to be worthwhile and fun. Felt immediately happy again.

Adam decided to watch Lethal Weapon???? I was like, Don't Like That. Even though he had headphones on and I couldn't hear anything. I am ambivalent about screens at best when I'm tripping, and at worst I don't even want to be in the same room with them. Guns and violence seemed comically, brutally stupid. Turned my back to the TV and continued drawing and writing until I could no longer hold a pen. Eventually Adam got on my wavelength and was like yeah, this is too much! (He took like, twice the dose that I did. I have no idea how he was even able to talk to me, but he managed!)

Felt the need to message Liana while peaking, picked up my phone, and saw that she had already sent me this:

I thought that was HILARIOUS (tbh it actually was, and it was not just the acid talking)

For the first few hours of teeth-grinding, reality-shearing intensity, Adam and I mostly lounged in bed with the shades pulled all the way up and the window open, cuddling and petting Ernie. Fantastic bonding experience for the whole fam.

Looking at every surface in the apartment became like looking at a stained glass ceiling, or an infinite mandala, or the muddied rainbows in oil-slicked puddles. It looked like Ernie's fur was breathing and someone had colored all over the white parts of him with a highlighter. Adam agreed with this assessment. Formica on the kitchen counters was bananas. So were the trees outside, rippling like celluloid and brighter green than I had ever seen them.

The two of us spent a good 15 minutes doubled over with laughter because Adam suggested a contraption for funneling Fancy Feast directly into Ernie's mouth, kind of like shotgunning a beer

Adam: "I can't believe I used to to this and get on the subway and try to do things with people." Me: "What? How did you even figure out how to get from Point A to Point B?" Adam: "I mean, we didn't, really. We usually got lost. It was fine, though." Truly, it's about the friends you make along the way!

The second half of the trip, when things are starting to mellow out a bit, is when you become a real rock star. I went outside for a walk around the neighborhood, and to sit in the park with my headphones on while watching kids play on the playground, and it was ECSTATIC. I was just overjoyed. My face still hurts from smiling.

Forgot that I needed money to realize my goal of obtaining a popsicle, so I had to detour back into the apartment and explain all of this to my husband before resuming the popsicle quest. He thought it was very funny, but sympathized.

Fresh air, popsicles and San Pellegrino on acid. On another level! 100/10.

Bathrooms still universally suck, LOL. -10/10. Not a fan of that bathroom while tripping face! Every time I had to pee it was like WELL here we go again into the Pink Squirming Hell Chamber (I am making this sound like more of a big deal than it actually was)

15 HOURS. 15 HOURS Jesus Christ lmao I did not stop seeing weird shit on screens and surfaces until like 1 AM. And even then, if I stared long enough, funky colors and patterns would re-emerge. It's a commitment. I feel happy and refreshed, but also totally exhausted. Definitely have to budget a full weekend of No Plans for any future trips.

The Heavy Shit:

There is some Cronenberg-level body horror right before the visuals get super rainbow-stained and stereotypically psychedelic, which sounds bad, but I promise it isn't. It's watching the veins pulse under your skin and change into very saturated colors, pores and hair and scars become very defined and wiggly, and as someone who has so much bodily anxiety related to my alopecia/IBS, it was weirdly... freeing? You get to experience all this stuff in an entirely new frame of mind, shedding judgment and old thought ruts. I remember thinking, "I do not need to feel shame about my body," and letting go of so much baggage.

At some point mid-afternoon I decided to retrieve my phone from the drawer again, and saw that I had a missed call and a voicemail from my dad. I decided to play it back, and he was just phoning to tell me that he was listening to a live version of "Sally Simpson" and Keith was doing this thing where he wasn't even touching the cymbals, and had I listened to that specific performance before and noticed the same thing, and wasn't he truly the greatest drummer that ever lived? "Anyway, no need to call me back, just wanted to let you know. I love my bubbie!" (His term of endearment for me.) And I went to go sit in bed and weep for a straight 15 minutes, the most cleansing, purging cry you could possibly imagine, while Adam hugged me and rubbed my back. I was overwhelmed, overcome by this feeling of cosmic Love and Connection with my family and my husband and all of my friends.

I had been sitting on and burying so much fear and distress from the past 18 months, the chronic, low-grade trauma that was worrying if COVID was going to kill my father, my best friend and closest confidante and the one person on earth who I feel truly Gets Me on a spiritual level, and all of that came out. Fully processed and released every ounce of grief. What replaced it was the absolute, unshakable faith that no matter what happens — including my greatest fear, which is inevitable, no matter how far off it may be — he will always be with me, and a part of me, in the music we both love, and I will never, ever lose that.

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lilydalexf · 3 years

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Circe Invidiosa

Circe Invidiosa has 11 stories at Gossamer, but there are even more X-Files stories at her website. Some of my favs I’ve recced here before, like Make It Worse and Slap a Goatee On Me and Call Me Evil. She also made a bunch of X-Files collage art, including some cover art for fics (hers and others), which you probably saw if you were reading fic back when authors posted fics on their own websites where art could be shared. Big thanks to Circe Invidiosa for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Well, it would surprise me if people did read my fic. As it happens, I don't hear much feedback from my fic these days. Probably because the bulk of it is on Gossamer and my own site rather than AO3. Also, I was never a BNA. I worked a lot behind the scenes – hosting other authors' sites and making fanart and dustjackets. I think that's what I'd be remembered for, if anything.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience?

I miss the collective excitement and discussions we had as groups. When you got in with a group in the XF fandom, you felt like you knew everybody there. Now the fandom feels a little faceless except for the people I still follow from my old groups.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Most of my experience was on Yahoo Groups. I joined Scullyfic while it was still there and then E-muse when it became an e-mail list, which I'm still a part of. I was part of several Yahoo Groups (can't remember all of them now), where I'd post my fic, RealPlayer slideshows (remember those?!), and collages. I never really took part in discourse because I'm shy and don't think anyone cares about my opinions (still don't!). The e-mail address I used for those groups was purged a couple of years ago, so I've lost all those messages.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

My take away is that fanfic made me a better writer, thanks to having some great betas, and it made me a better professional writer for it (my real-life work is writing but not fun writing) because I learned to take criticism.

I also used to make a lot of fanart, collages and dustjackets for fic mostly. My big take away from that was that I really got into graphics and I got super proficient at Photoshop, which helped my own artistic endeavours and photography. I didn't realize how much skill I had developed until I've had to help someone with their graphics or photo editing.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

My mother was watching X-Files before I was and she was raving about it. I don't have a great relationship with my mom, but one thing she was usually right about was TV shows. It's where I got my love of Sci-Fi.

I think the first episode I watched was Ice, which definitely hooked me. As for when the shipping started, I remember we were watching Lazarus, and when Mulder was yelling at Lula (I had to look that up) about hurting the hostage Scully, my mom said, "Oh, he's so in love with her." And I was all, "What?! Pfff." But then I could not stop thinking about it. And then I thought about it way, way too much.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I was in my late 20s, and it was around the end of S7 and I kept thinking about what if these two dumb idiots actually talked one day. And I kept thinking about dialogue in my head about what they'd actually say. The internet was still in its infancy back then, but I'd seen fan sites here and there. So I decided to search around to see if other people were talking about it and thinking about it like I was. I was such a noob I'd never even heard of fanfic. Imagine my delight when I discovered it. I found a few stories and thought, 'Well, I can do that.' And I wrote up my first story, found a place to post it (wasn't Ephemeral the best?), got some kind feedback, found a really nice person (not sure she wants to be named since she used her real name in the fandom back in the day) who encouraged me a lot and directed me to all the e-mail lists and Yahoo Groups that I needed to be on, and then, Bob's your uncle, I wrote more and more.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Periphery. Most of my experience in any fandom is now on Tumblr because that's where my attention span is. Show me pretty pictures and funny stuff. I am old now and don't want to think hard.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

Veronica Mars was my next fandom experience. A number of my XF friends got me hooked on VM. The VM fandom was a LOT younger compared to the XF fandom. When I joined the XF fandom, I was the kid compared to most of the other fans who were all goddesses and royalty in my eyes. But in the VM fandom, I was in my 30s and the rest of the fandom were all in their early 20s if not younger. It often showed, so I stayed out of discussions and just posted my fic once I started writing it. I took a new handle (invida) when I started writing VM fic. Just in case these kids felt like my writing sucked, I didn't want it getting back to the XF fandom that I’d branched out and failed spectacularly.

By then fandom experiences had moved over to LiveJournal. I never really got involved in the discourse or the fandom fights. I knew what people were saying and where the schisms were, but I was all about the fanfic and the pretty pictures. Most of my LJ friends just discussed the episodes and posted their fic and that was good with me.

What got me writing fic for VM was Anjou's brilliant VM fic Into the Blue. Seriously, if you love VM S1, read her fic. Just so beautiful.

VM was also where started writing a WIP, which was a wild trip. I wrote a much-loved WIP called Damn, Damn the Circumstance which people still ask me about finishing to this day. Someday…*wistful sighs*

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Scully. She was everything! Lapsed Catholic, degrees in science, skeptic, always trying to work within the rules but still not taking crap. Yeah, she was the best.

Veronica Mars was great until she wasn't. I have a lot of issues with her beyond S2. And don't even talk to me about S4. For me, S1 was the best, I enjoyed the movie, the books were okay, but nothing else happened after that. NOTHING.

And the first character I ever loved was Princess Leia. She was also everything to me growing up. I wanted to be her. I still do.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

Now and then. Not as much as I used to. I sometimes have it on in the background when I'm doing other things. Back before the pandemic, my BFF and I would have get togethers where we would play Scrabble, eat a lot of candy, and binge several XF episodes. I miss doing that. Hopefully, we will get back to that soon.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I am not an active XF fanfic reader right now. I will read any stories my friends put out. Otherwise, I only occasionally read some I come across on Tumblr in my feed, but I am not seeking them out. I will beta for any XF author who asks me as well.

I am reading fic in other fandoms though – Endeavour, Broadchurch, Sherlock…huh, I'm just realizing that's a lot of British stuff. I have been really into British detective series for the last few years.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I used to run an XF fic recommendation site called How Will It End usually with at least one other person (I went through at least 4 partners on that project because I'm a control freak). We'd compile our recs and then I'd post them on my site. We'd also feature authors we really liked and interview them. Not unlike these interviews!

I'm terrible at giving feedback/comments. So I solved that problem by making a rec site. That way I could tell authors I loved their fics by recommending them. I didn't have to comment, I'd just say, 'I'd like to rec your fic'. And then they'd get promotion. Win-win. Back in those days, the fandom would absolutely roast you for promoting your own fic, so to get on a rec site was a big deal. Not that I had a popular rec site or anything. But I think authors really enjoyed being asked.

All that to say I've liked a lot of fics. I can pull up the archives of HWIE and show you all the faves I liked. :)

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Back in the day, E-muse would hold Improv Challenges, where other members would give you a prompt that you had to include in your fic. I was always really proud of the stories I created from those challenges (No Earthly Means and Elephant in the Room if you want to read them).

I enjoyed writing Dead to Rights which is an XF/Dead Like Me crossover because I loved the challenge of writing a crossover. It was the first crossover I ever tried writing even though I only recently published it.

Otherwise, I like re-reading In a Graveyard, Importuning Life for Life, and Some By Virtue Fall. Of my more recent fic, I like Slap a Goatee on Me and Call Me Evil because the premise was ridiculous and I think it's funny as all get out.

Probably my favourite of my VM fic was Stay Outta Riverdale. Because: 1. The title is a Simpsons reference who doesn't love a Simpsons reference? And 2. I think I was hilarious throughout it.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I'm always open to writing more fic (and, of course, I don't mean my WIPs…don't look at me like that). Lately, my only motivation has been from writing prompts on Tumblr. I haven't had anyone give me a prompt in over a year, so here we are. I have snippets of dialogue in journals and word documents that have never found their way into stories. I'd be happy to dust off any of those and shoehorn them into a new story.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

The last fanfic I wrote was a mini-fic over a year ago (with a prompt from Lilydale!). I've written a bit of original fiction but I haven't been able to finish it. Otherwise, I do have a number of real life hobbies which are where my creative outlets lie now.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Lately, challenges and prompts. It used to be from wanting to see more from a scene. I really had a thing for fill-in-the-blanks or scene continuations. And sometimes my motivation is just plain old spite. :)

What's the story behind your pen name?

Circe Invidiosa is the title of a painting by John William Waterhouse. Love the colours and the absolute malice on the face of the subject. It felt like a good pen name – the envious witch. That's me!

I chose it when I posted my first XF fic (which I cringe to read now, ugh so terrible) without knowing there was already a Circe in the fandom. Whoops. I tried to go by the full Circe Invidiosa or Invidiosa as much as possible after realizing that (invidiosa is my url and my username on a lot of sites, etc.). Now I think that I've been around long enough that it doesn't matter as much but I still like it.

As I said, I took the name Invida for the VM fandom which is just a shortening of Invidiosa.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

My significant other knows and that was quite a reveal (oh how awkward). However, the SO has been very supportive and has read all my stories since the reveal and sometimes betas them. The SO also wants us to collaborate on writing some original fiction but we haven't found a project that works for both of us creatively or timewise.

My BFF knows because I dragged her into the online fandom. We've known each other since we were 14, but our love of XF really solidified our bond in our 20s. She wrote some short but sweet fics under the penname Helen Quilley which I bullied her into posting, and we wrote Of Ladies Most Deject and Wretched together. She is mostly embarrassed that she wrote fanfic now but we still fangirl together.

No one else really knows other than fandom folks I've met in real life. And some friends know I've written 'short stories' but I don't elaborate. I work in a stodgy, uptight industry where anything fun or actually having a life is frowned upon.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

Over the first lockdown, I got my shit together and got my fic site, invidiosa.com, up and running again. My site houses fic by Rain (now @doctorhelena on Tumblr and AO3), Helen Quilley, ML (who I miss so much), Folieadeux, Shelba, TLynn, Oracle, Piper Sargasso, Diehard, and me. And I made all their dustjackets (except Folie's). The site got hacked a few years back and it was so much work to get running again that I put it off for years and years. I still feel terrible that I did not get the site back up before ML passed away, especially when ML had asked me about it a few months before she passed.

Anyway, all my XF fic is here: circe.invidiosa.com. I have 3 of my newer XF stories on AO3. And my fic-LJ also has some of my stories. Some of the newer stories are on Tumblr but the tagging is so erratic that I'd have to list several tags before you'd find them all. I don't know why I haven't moved everything over to AO3. Probably laziness.

I'm @invidiosa on Tumblr. I'm still on E-muse. I'm still on LJ. I'm always reachable by e-mail (invidiosa at gmail).

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Thanks for reading, writing, and commenting. It is always appreciated.

(Posted by Lilydale on January 5, 2021)

#new post #old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #circe invidiosa

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silverhyenaart · 3 years

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Alright, I'm fairly new to the "Reader Insert" style of writing, but I thought I'd give it a try. So, I have yet to do a little sketch of Lester (I did draw his two brothers,) However, I did have this idea for a sick-fic, where Lester finds the reader on the side of the road. Now, I wrote this with a female reader in mind but please feel free to imagine it any way you see fit.

Roadside Attraction Part #1

No one would ever argue that the tiny, reclusive town of Ambrose was a quiet place. The occasional group of tourists or stranded motorists made for some excitement, but there hadn't been any new visitors in over a month.

A crooked smile crossed Lester's face as his old truck ambled along the backroads.The morning was still plenty young. Bo was more than likely sleeping off a night of one too many beers. Vincent was surely working on The House of Wax's next great masterpiece in his basement studio lair. That left Lester to do what he loved. Gather up the roadkill! However... the youngest Sinclair was about to get more than he ever could have bargained for.

"Still plenty cool outside, huh Daisy?" Lester muttered, scratching at his flannel shirt pocket, "hopefully we git some meat befer the sun ruins it."

He was answered by a curious chiding as the tiny raccoon in his pocket peaked out.

There were so many things besides the animal carcasses on the side of the road. And while yes, half of a deer that had yet to be tainted by maggots and Louisiana heat was indeed a fine prize to return home with, Lester had also found the occasional wad of cash, various coins, jewelry, and his personal favorite, the woodland creatures that he'd take home and foster. (Always making them promise that they'd stay away from the roads before releasing them back into the wild.)

But instead of the usual gorey animal corpse splattered in the road or abandoned wrecked vehicle, Lester saw what was unmistakably a human body in the ditch near a heavily wooded stretch of road. Your body!

The brakes of the rickety old truck screeched on the pavement. Quickly, Lester put the truck in reverse, stopping as close to your prone form as possible. There was no telling how long you'd been left out there in the Louisiana backwoods, but it was obvious that you'd been severely mistreated before being dumped out here. In fact, one could have easily written you off as dead. Bruised, dried blood caking in places, old, sour vomit in the grass near your mouth, and your wrists bound behind your back tightly with course rope.

"Well Daisy, ain't sure there's nothin' more ta do then give 'er ta Vinny," Lester mused, quietly as he examined what he thought was your corpse, "Poor thing, won't do no good no how bringin' er to the pit. Sure Vinny'll fix 'er up real nice."

When his hand touched your hip to turn you over for a better look, that's when a weak moan escaped your chapped lips and your eye cracked open. Lester jumped back a little in surprise. You were still alive! Albeit in dreadful shape. But breathing nevertheless.

"Hey... hey there now. This ain't no place fer a nice young lady like ya ta be," Lester said, reaching for the Bowie knife on his belt.

Upon seeing the glint of steel in the morning light, your unfocused eyes widened in fear. With your entire body feeling like a led weight, struggling was impossible. After spending an entire day out here in your already terrible condition, just moving made you feel like your already empty stomach was going to purge once more.

Then the ropes binding your wrists snapped, giving your painfully raw skin welcome relief. Dirty yet gentle hands helped you to your feet. While it was difficult to focus, you could tell that your rather smelly but kind-hearted guardian angel was one of those backwoods redneck sorts. If anything, his accent alone gave it away.

"That's it now, com'n, sweat pea, I-I'ma take ya somewhere safe."

Lester helped you to his truck's passenger side, letting you lean heavily against him. He smiled, having been unable to recall the last time he'd had a woman of any sort willingly be this close to him. Usually it was his big brother who got the pretty ladies.

"Y-you can jus' call me Lester, now, darlin'," your rescuer continued.

As Lester guided you toward his beat up old pickup and opened up the passenger side door, you could feel your already upset stomach doing flip flops. You stumbled a little, clinging to this man as though he were your only remaining life line... and then your body betrayed you.

You trembled, eyes wide with horror, able to make out that you'd just thrown up all over your savior. Before you could squeak out an apology, you were doubled over as more bile forced itself out of your already sore throat, leaving a sour taste in your mouth.

"W-well now, sweat pea, better ta git it out now..." shrugged Lester, taking a red handkerchief out of his back pocket and handing it to you.

Even after you'd accidentally barfed all over him, this man was still taking care of you. Once you were cleaned up a little, Lester grabbed a very messy towel out of his truck and wiped himself off. Daisy peaked out of his pocket, quickly retreating back to safety when you let out a low groan.

"S-sorry m-mister..." you rasped, nearly staggering to the ground you were so weak.

"I-it's alright. You ain't hurtin' no one... jus' git it out," Lester said, "That's it, now."

He hesitated at first, then began to gently rub your back and hold your hair out of the way. You couldn't lie to yourself, it felt good. The first bit of tenderness you've been shown in a long time.

Once you were through purging your painfully empty stomach, Lester gave you some lukewarm water from a questionable looking plastic bottle and helped you into the passenger seat. It wasn't until he closed the door that your tired eyes noticed that there was no way to open it from the inside nor was there any means to roll down the window.

Was this man actually helping you or taking this opportunity to kidnap you? At this point, you were too sick and exhausted to care.

Another crooked grin crossed Lester's face as he scratched his little raccoon's head. After settling into the driver's seat, he checked on you again before the old truck's engine rumbled to life.

"Don'cha worry none, sweat pea. I'ma take ya home a-an' gitcha somethin' ta make ya feel better. "

Home... you didn't have one anymore. Slowly, you nodded your head, leaning against the dirty window before closing your eyes.

* * *

Yes, I love the idea that Lester takes care of orphaned baby woodland critters he finds on the side of the road. A lovely individual in the discord group I'm in suggested it and told me to roll with it so I did! (Daisy seemed like the perfect cute redneck name so there's that!)

I do plan to make more parts and post the whole thing to my AO3. The stinky roadkill man deserves love! He also strikes me as the friendliest of the three Sinclair brothers.

#Lester Sinclair #house of wax #fanfiction #sick fic #Lester #writing #house of wax fanfiction #i just enjoy writing #there will be a part 2 #sinclair brothers #i love the stinky roadkill man

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chocosvt · 4 years

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⚬ pairing: junhui x reader ⚬ word count: 1625 ⚬ warnings: none :) ⚬ genre: m rated, kinda angsty, kinda fluffy, a good mix of both i guess!

✧✎ synopsis: you just woke up in your best friend’s bed, and you aren’t sure how to feel. as far as you’re concerned, nothing will erase the night before.

✧✎ a/n: i haven’t been able to write all week since i’ve been so busy!! but i found a pocket of time to write this! i find that i’m really picky when it comes to choosing the right plot for jun!! i just want the best for him!! but i thought this was a nice fit! and smth to digest while i edit my other fic!

It was a little weird, you couldn’t deny it. Waking up beneath the covers of your best friend’s bed wouldn’t feel so unnatural, so awkward, if it weren’t for the actions that unfolded the night before. You spared a glance to the right half of the bed, only to realize the sheets were empty, nothing but a slight indent hollowed into the mattress. The sight led you to feel even weirder, until you couldn’t bear to look any longer and you roughly dishevelled the blankets whilst turning over onto your side, a loud huff escaping your chest.

You couldn’t stay in his bed forever, and Junhui couldn’t keep nervously pacing around the living room, dragging a hand through his frilled, chestnut hair. There was nothing to undo it, nothing to erase the memory or lessen the blow of the aftermath. You and Junhui, best friends since the ninth grade, had hooked up. Junhui currently shared the house with two others, but they had gone home to visit their families for the college reading week whilst Junhui had plans to take the metro home by Monday. You came over rather late to help him pack.

Everything had been going perfectly fine from what you could remember. By the end of the night, Junhui had a small suitcase containing his clothes and other essentials, alongside a knapsack filled with his study guides and treats he wanted to give his little brother’s kitten. But then, as quickly as all was normal, everything flipped like a coin toss. Junhui’s hand was slowly sliding up your warm thigh until his palm was pressed against your core through your shorts, to which he created a dizzying, sweet friction by rubbing the flat expanse of his palm.

The kisses lost their tenacious nature, and suddenly you had crawled into the boy’s lap, racing, insignificant thoughts ticking by in your head as Junhui helped you discard your t-shirt, his face then burying against your chest. You could recall the velvet-like texture of his brown locks sliding through your fingers, how his soft tongue lapped at the honey between your thighs whilst you whimpered and cried out his name, your spine arching from the bed. He was your best friend. You had no idea your best friend could make you feel so euphoric.

Continuing to lay beneath his covers, the intense memories flooded you in one big rush, forcing you to shove your face deep into the pillow in some nonsensical hope that it would stop the heat from dancing upon your skin. However, the pillow was useless. You could smell nothing but a mild concoction of Junhui’s fresh cologne and his shampoo. Gritting your teeth, you quickly threw the sheets from your body, rushing into the connected bathroom in order to splash heaps of cool water across your cheeks.

Whilst the beads dripped down to your jaw, you examined your naked body in the mirror.

Why did you have to have sex with Junhui? Your best friend? Why did the thought of him pressing you against the counter and sneaking his hand back between your legs make your chest flutter? As you shut off the faucet and patted your face dry, you didn’t have an answer.

Maybe you just liked him, and you always sort of wanted it to happen.

Maybe he wanted it too.

You pulled over your t-shirt and tied back the string on your shorts. A low, garbling noise rumbled in your stomach, which was understandable considering it was nine in the morning and you hadn’t eaten breakfast yet. However, a daunting feeling outweighed your hunger. Walking into the living room had your heart skipping beats, knowing who would be there after he’d slipped from between the covers, trying not to interrupt your sleep.

Junhui was sitting at the kitchen table, the television humming quietly in the background with some rare-sighted television show. You recognized the circular shape of his glasses resting on his nose, whilst the thick fibres of his dark, chestnut hair were notably rumpled in different directions. He was in his sweatpants, wearing a burgundy flannel he left unbuttoned, which revealed his firm chest as well as all the little scratches and hickies you’d painted his skin with. Walking in on a sight that was so unprecedented yet beautiful admittedly stunned you.

Swallowing nearly burned your throat, but you still called out his name.

“J-Jun?”

The boy jumped slightly, though once he spotted you, he got up quickly from the chair and dragged his fingers through his hair.

“Jeez, you scared me.” He breathed out anxiously. “I-I was just— I was waiting for you to get up.”

“I know.” You replied, finding it particularly difficult not to ogle the pretty marks leading down to his abdomen. “I have all my stuff, so if you want me to leave, then…”

The air became almost palpable, like a heavy weight pushing in from all angles. You couldn’t meet Junhui’s eyes and looked at the television instead, playing with your fingers. A generous film of sweat was already beginning to slick your palms and your pulse resembled claps of thunder. Junhui wavered carefully on what to say to you, his best friend.

What if he told you to leave?

“Do you want to eat breakfast first?”

You went rigid. Then, you tightly curled your toes and looked into the boy’s eyes, as kind and deeply coppered as they always were.

“Really?” Sounded your tiny squeak.

Junhui nodded. “There’s still some of Wonwoo’s pancake mix left in the cupboard.”

You smiled, feeling more at ease. “Does he care if we use the rest of it?”

“No.” Junhui said, before immediately back-pedalling. “Well, maybe. But I don’t think so.”

There wasn’t much conversation as you two made breakfast.

Junhui cracked the eggs into the powder whilst you poured out the correct cup of milk. At one point, as Junhui mixed the batter with a whisk, a small drop managed to splash onto his glasses. He took them off and used the corner belonging to his flannel, rubbing the spot away, and for some stupid reason, you found him so endearing that you had to remind yourself not to stare. Before last night, you two prepared breakfast all the time together, mostly for Junhui’s ravenous roommates who’d eat anything in sight.

But everything felt irreversibly different now.

You kept glancing at him from the corner of your eye as he leaned against the wall and flipped the pancakes, occasionally running a hand through his hair, pushing the earthen curls away his forehead. At one point, Junhui clearly caught you in a daze, though he didn’t say anything and continued moving the golden, fluffy pancakes onto a plate. No matter what the boy did, your mind responded by spinning out these oddly romantic idealities, and it was then you realized these fictions weren’t unbeknownst.

They were always roaming around, deep in the back of your head, because when they came to you there was a distant sense of familiarity. You had no idea how long you felt this way.

“Jun.” You said his name after finishing breakfast, pushing aside the syrupy plate with your elbow.

He was checking something on his phone, though he set it down and stared at you.

Without overthinking, you asked, “Do you regret what we did?”

“What?” Junhui echoed, scrunching his nose.

You sighed, squeezing your hands together in your lap.

“Because… I just— I don’t regret it. I enjoyed it. Seriously.” Looking into his unreadable gaze, you decided not to hold anything back. “I like you a lot, and I’d be with you if you wanted me. I know everything feels a bit shaky right now, and I know I’m throwing this all on you at once, but I just want to be transparent. I really, really like you.”

Junhui blinked at you, closing his mouth that was agape and pushing up the glasses that had fallen slightly. He smoothed his hand up his chest, scratching his lavender collarbone, and you weren’t sure how to translate his lack of word. Suddenly, the boy pushed his chair back.

“Come here.” His deep voice sounded, to which your legs felt like utter gelatine as you approached his side of the table.

“Junhui, I—,”

You wanted to tell him something about how you’re sorry for making such a situation more awkward than it even needed to be; however, those sentiments were purged from your mind as Junhui pulled you into his comfortable lap, his hands cupping your face whilst he pressed his pink, still somewhat-bruised lips to yours. Shock filled you first. In fact, you were motionless for a few seconds, until reality slapped you stinging, prompting you to eagerly welcome the boy’s sweet kiss. When his grip returned to your waist, squeezing softly, appreciatively, you completely melted against his body and released a blissful, hazy sigh.

“Yes.” Junhui then nipped your bottom lip, looking at you with a doe twinkle through his glasses.

“Yes?” You echoed, and attempted to catch your breath. “Yes what?”

“As in yes, I want you.”

He pressed his thumbs into your hips, allowing you to feel a dull pain from where he’d bruised the skin the night before. It reminded you of everything that transpired, except, now that you had stopped repressing your true heart, you embraced the memories, refusing to recoil and lie to yourself. In the moment, you were unsure of what your relationship entailed, or how people would react, though you weren’t looking to concern with what others may think, because your current elation was far too powerful.

You kissed Junhui again, tasting the sweet syrup on his tongue.

It was still a little weird. But you loved it.

✧✎ a/n: it pains me so much that i cannot write for jun as often as i’d like. he really deserves this. jun stans i will try my best to give him the content he deserves!! hope you enjoyed, let me know what u think!

#seventeen #jun #seventeen scenarios #jun scenarios #seventeen smut #jun smut #svt fanfic #svt smut #seventeen imagines #wen junhui #IT'S NOT EVEN LONG EITHER I'M REALLY ONTO SMTH HERE

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