#just a little rant about comics since this has been bugging me

[jbuffyangel]

We'll Always Have Paris: Arrow 1x21 Review (The Undertaking)

Oliver and Felicity hit the casino to save Walter (remember Walter?), which provides the best Freudian slip in the history of Arrow.

We finally get some much-needed flashbacks on Robert Queen & Lauriver to fill in the holes of history and it’s a horror show. I can’t unsee what I have seen, so now we just get to rant about it.

Oh, and the writers completely telegraphed the demise of Lauriver in this episode. It just took me the better part of decade to notice it. It's all about Casablanca. Yes. Really.

Let’s dig in…

Olicity

Finally! Some decent Olicity content. Season 1 is rough y'all.

Source: Paige

Oliver is still Oliver which means he hasn’t apologized yet to Diggle for abandoning him. Felicity is trying her best to get the bromance back on track.

Source: Paige

Unfortunately, this is an immovable object meeting an unstoppable force kind of situation, so until Oliver pulls the stick out of his butt and admits he was wrong – Diggle is sitting this episode out.

Felicity: I know Oliver is religiously against admitting when he’s wrong, but the truth is he needs you.

Diggle: Yeah, and when Oliver is ready to say that he knows where I live.

John is not some disciple who will blindly follow Oliver wherever he goes. Diggle has self-respect and will not accept anything but an equal partnership from Oliver. Fighting for a man’s soul is going to cause some fights. Diggle needs to win more than his fair share if we are going to see any growth in Oliver Queen.

So, it’s left to our Girl Wednesday to hit the streets with The Hood when they get a lead on Walter. I honestly forgot he was kidnapped it’s been so long since they’ve mentioned him.

A dirty accountant on The List paid two million dollars to Dominic Alonzo on the same day Walter was kidnapped. Alonzo runs the biggest underground casino in Starling City, when he’s not busy with his day job of kidnapping and murder. Oliver needs to access Alonzo’s computer to find a location on Walter.

Source: @olicitygifs

And guess who is really great at counting cards? Oliver immediately refuses Felicity’s help. His deep aversion to putting her in any kind of danger will never stop being hot. This is the big break on Walter that Felicity has been waiting for, so she insists, and Oliver relents. I love that she never lets Oliver tell her what she can and can’t do.

The goal is for Felicity to be caught counting cards, so she can get a friendly warning from Alonzo and bug his computer. She is more than a little concerned that the friendly warning will be a bullet. Felicity is not a trained soldier like Diggle and she’s not a ninja/archer like Oliver. She’s signed up to fight crime, but she never shies away from expressing her fear. It’s what makes her so relatable because any person in these circumstances would be afraid.

Oliver immediately downshifts into his soft, gentle and reassuring tone that’s becoming more and more for Felicity Smoak only. The man is a growling serial killer who turns into Fluffy McSoftie Bear around her.

What makes Felicity a hero is she faces her fears head on. She doesn’t let anything stop her and Felicity Smoak is determined to find her boss. Walter gave her a job, health insurance and dental. Never underestimate a loyal employee.

Source: olicitygifs

Annnnnd we've arrived! The Freudian of all Freudian slips. This is a little risqué for the CW back in the day. Felicity’s inadvertent sexual innuendo is hilarious every time, but this one takes the cake. I believe it’s Emily Bett Rickard’s favorite as well.

If you were a Olicity shipper in Season 1 the Laurel fans would use scenes like this to prove Felicity just has a crush, Oliver will never return her feelings, and she’s just comic relief.

But who is introducing the sexual element between Oliver and Felicity? The writers. If this is supposed to remain a platonic friendship - why even go, there? These were the thoughts I would think watching live, wondering if I was crazy for seeing so much more than comedy between these two characters.

Felicity does get caught and initially it’s a friendly warning, until they find an earpiece the size of Saturn and demand to know who her partner is.

Someone put their hands on Felicity, so say goodbye to Fluffy McSoftie Bear and unleash the Kraken!

Source: @andjustforthismoment

Unfortunately, Alonzo doesn’t have good news and tells The Hood, after a good thumping, that Walter is dead. Oliver tells Moira and Thea that one of Diggle’s army buddies works for the FBI and he confirmed Walter is dead. Instead of grief, Moira is enraged and firmly believes Oliver is wrong. Almost like she knows something Oliver doesn’t.

Thankfully, Oliver has grown a brain when it comes to his mother and rather take her word for it or delude himself into thinking she’s just in shock, he follows her Merlyn Global as The Hood. He records her conversation with Merlyn.

Moira: You promised if I cooperated with The Undertaking that Walter wouldn’t be harmed.

Merlyn: He hasn’t been. I’m a man of my word Moira.

Moira: We both know better than that. I know you’ve had him killed.

Of course, Walter is alive and still in the cell Merlyn has kept him in for the last six months. So, Oliver discovers the following:

Malcolm Merlyn, his best friend’s father, kidnapped Walter.

2. Moira knew all along who had Walter and why.

3. Moira is working with Merlyn on something called “The Undertaking.”

It’s a rough day when you learn your mother is colluding with a super villain and is an accessory to kidnapping. Oliver retreats to the darkness to wallow and mourn how completely messed up his family is. Then Felicity steps into the bunker and the room is flooded with light. It’s always the light.

Source: @smoakmonster

And with the light comes the truth. Oliver tells Felicity to track Malcolm Merlyn’s last phone call, which leads to Walter’s location. Oliver, in full superhero mode, attacks from the sky and lands on the roof with a parachute no less. Walter’s cell conditions are not great. Let’s not talk about the bucket of poo next to his bed. Immediately, we, and Oliver, know the man has been through it.

Oliver meets Walter, Moira and Thea at the hospital post Hood rescue.

Walter: Thank you, son.

It’s just a second, but we can see Oliver is really touched by Walter’s affection. We’ve gone from Oliver accusing Walter of sleeping with Moira at the dinner table his first night home to accepting Walter calling him son. That’s called growth my friends.

Yet, there was sadness in Oliver’s smile too. He was able to bring Walter home, something he couldn’t do for Robert Queen, and it was clear how much Oliver was missing his dad in that moment.

Felicity pops up in the doorway, carrying a bouquet of brightly colored flowers, wearing a deep fuchsia jacket and her sunshine hair pulled back into its signature ponytail. She physically is such a stark contrast to Oliver’s melancholy, and it snaps him out of it for a little bit as he introduces Felicity to his family.

Source: Paige

Felicity has become so fully entrenched in Oliver’s life that it actually took me a minute to remember Moira, Thea and Laurel have no idea who she is. She was introduced in Episode 3 and we’re on Episode 21! It’s almost like the writers forgot and realized they had to introduce Felicity to the rest of the cast. It’s wild y’all.

First up is Laurel earlier in the episode at the bar. She’s informing Oliver of her breakup with Tommy when Felicity pops in to advise him of another break – Walter’s kidnappers. It’s been a long-held belief in the Olicity fandom that Laurel’s reception was cool. One could even say snotty. I tried to go into this with an open mind, but yeah, I have to say that impression still holds for me. It’s like Felicity is a bug to be crushed.

Meanwhile, Felicity is so sweet to the woman Oliver Queen is hopelessly in love with (or so she thinks). It’s the way Felicity says gorgeous, almost sadly, like she sees for herself how beautiful Laurel is and its confirmation she won’t measure up. Oliver Queen will never look at her the way he looks at Laurel. So, it has to sting a little when he introduces Felicity as the person setting up his internet. It irked me. It felt dismissive.

Source: Paige

It’s very easy to dismiss Felicity as comic relief, and her Freudian slips are funny, but there are real and true feelings underneath. Felicity is in love with Oliver. It does cause her pain to see him with other women.  

Felicity’s insecurity is easy to understand. Oliver is not the only person who has growing to do. Felicity needs to realize she is just as beautiful, smart and lovable as Laurel Lance. What’s more, she has to realize Oliver does look at her in a way that’s different than Laurel, but it’s not less. It’s infinitely more. But we’re nowhere near ready for either character to acknowledge that yet.

When Oliver introduces Felicity to Moira and Thea, he calls her a friend, which is quite the glow up in twenty-five minutes. It’s warm and it’s true. More importantly, it carries much more significance than “Internet Girl.”

The deal was Felicity would join the team to find Walter. Well, they found him. That should conclude Felicity’s involvement in Oliver’s life. But he isn’t dismissing her as a “nobody” like Felicity did with Laurel. He is stating the opposite. Deal or no deal, Felicity is remaining in Oliver’s life.

Maybe that’s why he was more dismissive of Felicity with Laurel. Maybe he didn’t want Laurel to know there is another woman in his life. One he may be having more than friendly feelings towards. Oliver, Laurel and Tommy aren’t the only love triangle on this show.

Source: Paige

Lauriver

Holy hell.

We have all patiently waited for the holes to be filled in on Laurel and Oliver’s past. We’ve waited for some kind of reference to happier times – any kind of evidence these two, at one point, were madly in love and destined to be together until fate (and Oliver’s stupidity) stepped in and ripped them apart. We’re supposed to want Oliver and Laurel to get back together. They are the Plan A couple. This is the Green Arrow and Black Canary. DC Comic’s third tier golden couple. They belong together, right?

Someone may want to inform the Arrow writers of that because what we see in these flashbacks is absolute hot garbage. Of course, the immediate response is, “Of course Jen. You’re an Olicity shipper. You hate everything about Laurel and Oliver.”

Yeah, but how did I get there? EPISODES. LIKE. THIS. I did my absolute very best to ship Oliver and Laurel all through Season One because they are comic book canon. It was a foregone conclusion they would end up together and shipping Oliver with Felicity was setting myself up for five years of disappointment. I know how television writing works, friends. They very seldom deviate from the couple set up as endgame in the pilot. Oliver and Laurel are Plan A. It’s just math.

Well, the math ain’t mathing y’all. Blessedly, we get a break from the Island flashbacks and Arrow is spending some time in Starling City five years ago. Oliver and Laurel are ordering pizza as she’s studying for the bar exam. It’s cute. It’s sweet even. They’re in their little love bubble and we’re seeing them happy and together – the place we’re supposed to be rooting for them to return to in present day.

Laurel mentions their friends are moving in together and Oliver is happy for them because they've been together forever. Laurel immediately informs Oliver they’ve been together longer. Cue Oliver internally screaming. Deer in headlights. The building is on fire. WHERE IS THE EXIT? ABORT! ABORT!

Laurel, ever the lawyer, comes prepared with an argument. Moira busted Laurel in a morning-after-sex-romp and Lance threatened to tase Oliver the last time he stayed at Laurel’s, so she’s just being practical. Economical even. Why don’t they get a place of their own? (If the parents aren’t cool with you sleeping together while living separately what makes you think they’ll be ok with you MOVING IN TOGETHER, Laurel? Whatever. You do you babe.)

Oliver offers up a feeble maybe and then tells her IT’S A LITTLE FAST. Dude, for real? What Laurel is asking for isn’t unreasonable. She’s ready to take the next step and for Oliver to call that fast after probably several years together (college, maybe even high school) doesn’t make any sense if he’s in love with Laurel.

I’m a big believer in He's Just Not That Into You. Men are not overly complicated creatures. If they like a woman, they go after her. If they love a woman, they don’t need to be convinced to move in together or get married. They want to do those things.

They sure as hell don’t run screaming all the way to their father’s yacht for a three-week trip in the NORTH CHINA SEA with their girlfriend’s SISTER. This is exactly what Oliver does after he lukewarmly tells Laurel he’ll move in with her.

Source: Paige

Laurel meets Oliver on the docks to say goodbye. In an extra classy move, he phones Sara on the walk down to Laurel and tells her to circle around the parking lot until her sister leaves. This guy is such a prize. Fall to your feet, women of the world, and swoon. We have found THE ONE.

Laurel is not stupid. Well, she’s not always stupid. She knows something is up and asks her boyfriend if he was running away to the North China Seas to avoid moving in with her. Oliver scoffs. What’s this you say? Pure poppycock, milady. For when I return from my sea voyage we shall be betrothed henceforth!

She gives him the picture. The sodding picture. Honestly, it reeks of desperation. Oliver kisses it and it’s just awkward and gross. Please break up immediately. I can’t watch this anymore.

Oliver races back to the boat, to Sara, and Laurel is left alone on the docks. She gives a helpless little shrug. Deep down, Laurel knows Oliver is running away from her.

In present day, Laurel is at Oliver’s club drinking coffee and informs him of the big break up.

Oliver: It’s probably just cold feet.

Laure: Like it was with you? Oliver, you don’t sleep with your girlfriend’s sister unless you’re looking to blow the relationship up.

That’s the smartest thing she’s said all season.

Oliver: If you still want to be with Tommy, do what we should have done. Talk to each other and be honest.

You mean what YOU should have done Oliver? Laurel was honest. You were the liar and YOU’RE STILL LYING. Oliver is pretending he has no idea why Tommy broke up with her. He knows exactly why.

BECAUSE OF HIM.

Oliver tells Laurel to have honest conversation with Tommy, when he knows Tommy can’t do that BECAUSE HE’S KEEPING OLIVER’S SECRET and that’s one of the primary reasons he broke up with Laurel. It’s all so friggin manipulative. Where is something to throw at him??!!!!

Also, Oliver is acting all smarmy and flirty with his Humphrey Bogart reference. Wait a minute…

It’s interesting that the writers chose Casablanca. I know it’s kind of a cliché line when talking to a girl in a bar, but if we look at the plot Casablanca there are similarities between Oliver and Laurel.

Rick (Humphrey Bogart) and Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman) meet in Paris during WWII and fall in love. They aren't big on sharing too many details about themselves however. The rule is no questions. We do find out Ilsa's husband died. However, when she discovers he's alive, Ilsa leaves Rick with no explanation.

When they meet again years later in Casablanca, Ilsa explains why she left Rick standing at the train station. Ilsa husband's, Victor Laszlo, is a true hero. He is noble, idealistic and a leader of the Resistance. He was a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp, but instead of dying like Ilsa thought - he escaped. He was very ill after being in the camp and needed her care. She was afraid if she told Rick, he wouldn't leave Paris and it was too dangerous for him to stay.

Ilsa's abandonment left Rick bitter and disillusioned. He opens a bar in Casablanca and while he allows people to arrange safe passage out of Nazis occupied Europe, he remains staunchly uninvolved (never a great look when it comes to the Nazis). But deep down Rick has a heart of gold. He ultimately saves Victor from the Nazis and ensures his safe flight to the United States. Isla still loves Rick and plans to stay with him in Casablanca, but in the end, Rick puts her on a plane with her husband.

Rick:  I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. You’re part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.

Ilsa: But what about us?

Rick: We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night.

Ilsa: When I said I would never leave you.

Rick: And you never will. But I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that.

Rick: Now, now...Here's looking at you kid.

They just don’t write them like that anymore. It’s a classic for a reason.  There was real love between Rick and Ilsa and their love didn’t disappear because of circumstance. In the end, Rick gives Ilsa up for the greater good. His patriotism is reawakened and plans to continue the dangerous fight against the Nazis on his own. He wants Ilsa safe in the United States.

More importantly, he recognizes Victor is a good man truly deserving of her and needs Ilsa to continue his fight against the Nazis. Rick knows, deep down, she loves Victor and will regret staying with him. Their lives have taken them down two different roads and she was needed elsewhere, just like he was.

Their time was in the past. They are holding on to a memory. Rick can look back on that time fondly now, but it’s a time they can never recapture. Even though they love each other very much, ultimately, they couldn’t bridge the time that separated them.

He sends Ilsa off with the better man who can keep her safe and happy, even though it breaks his heart to do so. This selfless act of love proves Rick is a hero just like Victor and equally as deserving of Ilsa.

Laurel is Ilsa. Oliver is Rick. Tommy is Victor (the husband). I’m not arguing we have a Casablanca level love triangle here. Hardly, but Casablanca is the blueprint for how the Oliver, Laurel and Tommy love triangle should be resolved. Key word is SHOULD.

What about how Ilsa feels? Is she just a pawn in a chessboard between Rick, Victor and the Nazis? No. People have been arguing for years whether Ilsa loved Rick or Lazlo. My perspective is she loved them both. Rick is her passion, but Victor is her life. Ultimately, she knows Rick is right and chooses devotion over passion.

At this point we are uncertain where Laurel stands with Oliver and Tommy. The truth is, like Ilsa, Laurel loves them both. However, in the immortal words of Queen Catherine on Reign, “I know you think you love them both. And while that may be true, I argue that you love one more.”

Who does Laurel love more? We’re not going to get the answer until the season finale. That’s how love triangles work, but Casablanca maps out the choice Oliver should make. He needs to take a step back and recognize what he is chasing is a memory. Laurel and Oliver’s love is in the past.

What Laurel has with Tommy, a good man, is real. Maybe it doesn’t have all the heat and drama she has with Oliver, but ultimately that’s not what lasts. Passion fades and you need to the bedrock of devotion to sustain a relationship.

Oliver has shown Laurel anything but devotion. He went running to that boat because he didn’t want to move in with her. It was more than cold feet. You don’t cheat on a woman you are in love with. These are not circumstances Oliver has found himself in by accident or fate. Oliver made choices and those choices have consequences.

I truly don’t believe Oliver knows what love is yet. He thinks Laurel is what he’s supposed to want. Returning home to Laurel and fixing what went wrong was all he thought about on the Lian Yu. That’s a long time to convince himself she’s his true love.  She’s the key to fixing everything. If Oliver chose Laurel, Sara would not be dead. Robert would not be dead. He would have NEVER spent five years away from home. There’s no mission. There’s no hood.

I’m not denying they love each other, but they lack trust. They lack devotion. It’s not the kind of love you build a life on. If it was then Oliver would have built a life with Laurel rather than getting on that boat and blowing up their relationship instead.

There are moments in life when it’s clear which path you take. There is a right path and a wrong one, but you don’t choose the right path because it’s too hard. Laurel approaching Oliver in that hallway is one of those moments. Tommy told Laurel she should be with Oliver. She comes to the hospital to ask Oliver to speak with Tommy.

This is the moment. This is the moment Oliver needs to let her go. PUT HER ON THE PLANE , OLIVER!!!!

But he doesn't.

Source: @blackcanarysource

Laurel’s intentions are pretty clear. She wants Tommy. Then Oliver drops this bomb and simply walks away. He has absolutely no intention of being with Laurel, of telling her the real truth, but refuses to let either of them move on. This will absolutely mess with her head and obliterate the path back to Tommy.

Admitting that his time with Laurel has past, that he can never go back and undo what happened between them and erase those five years, is too hard for Oliver. He can’t let go, so he clings to Paris. He clings to a romanticized memory of what he had with Laurel.

But make no mistake, if Laurel chooses Oliver, she will regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But someday.

Robert Queen and Malcolm Merlyn

Speaking of plot holes, we also had to wait a long time to get clarity on why Robert Queen was in cahoots with Malcolm Merlyn and the answers are bonkers.

Robert, Malcolm and Frank have joined forces to convince the city’s worst to do what’s best with some not so friendly blackmail. They all have their reasons for cleaning up Starling City – Malcolm’s wife was murdered in The Glades and Frank’s daughter was raped. Everyone in the room lost something to The Glades.

Merlyn feels their efforts are futile and to save Starling City they have to do something big – level The Glades. Malcolm promises it can look like a natural disaster. Unidac Industries has a prototype, five years away from completion, that can make it look like a natural disaster.

It’s around this time Robert realizes Malcolm Merlyn is batshit crazy. He attempts to talk him out of mass murder, but Malcolm is too far gone. The pain of losing his wife, of listening to her die over and over, has created a madness in him reason cannot penetrate.

So, what did Robert lose to The Glades? His soul according to Malcolm. It’s not until Robert confesses to Moira that we learn what that means.

Robert: I’m not the man you think I am.

Robert was approached by a local councilman before the steel factory opened in The Glades (Oliver’s bunker). He wanted money because bribes are the way things work in The Glades, but Robert refused. They got into an argument and he fell. Robert accidentally killed a man. The List, cleaning up Starling City, and working with Malcolm Merlyn was Robert’s way of atoning for his sins.

It should not be lost on us that the steel factory (now Oliver's bunker) is where Robert Queen lost his soul, but it’s where his son is finding his.

Moira immediately points out Robert is atoning for one murder by committing hundreds or thousands. She tells Robert the real path to atonement is to stop Malcolm Merlyn from committing this atrocity. At least one of Oliver’s parents has not gone completely nuts.

Moira makes Robert promise he will stop Merlyn, so he comes up with a plan. Robert is convinced Malcolm won’t level The Glades unless he can rebuild it. Malcolm has been buying up properties in The Glades for years and Robert’s proposal to Frank is to buy up the rest of the city. He’ll lose the control he requires to rebuild it. This is also about good old-fashioned greed. Merlyn will make millions rebuilding The Glades.

Unfortunately, Frank serves Robert up on a plate and tells Merlyn exactly what he’s planning. They plant a bomb on the Queen’s Gambit, but since there’s typhoon warning it will look like it went down in a storm. What is this guy’s deal with murder masquerading as natural disaster? Now that I know Frank betrayed Robert, I don’t mind as much that Moira betrayed Frank.

Malcolm: One man alone can’t save this city, Robert. We both know that.

This is an ominous warning for the present day as well. Robert couldn’t save the city alone and neither can Oliver. After learning of The Undertaking and facing off with Merlyn in a tense exchange at the hospital, Oliver realizes he needs help and apologizes Diggle for letting him down. He realizes now Diggle was right about Moira all along and it will take all three of them to put a stop to Malcolm Merlyn.

Source: Paige

Stray Thoughts

I’m being philosophical when I talk about heat and passion with Laurel and Oliver. They are supposed to be all the passion, while Tommy is the steadiness. It requires chemistry to see this concept physically manifested and Stephen & Katie simply do not have it. It’s a huge problem and makes their romance that much tougher to believe.

Moira doesn’t want to know who Robert’s mistress is. Guess this explains why Oliver believes you can love someone and cheat on them at the same time.

Not to be completely superficial, but Felicity’s hair and dress are WOW! You all know how I feel about red. On that same superficial note, Felicity's daytime Season 1 wardrobe is rough though. YIKES. We need a budget increase ASAP.

Diggle paints or takes photographs. Also I saw a saxophone in his apartment too. Why didn’t we revisit this at some point?

“Tommy, I love you and I think you still love me.” So, she DOES love Tommy. First time we heard her say that. About damn time.

“Honestly, you belong with Oliver. He’s still in love with you.” Shut up Tommy. You’re your own worst enemy.

Listen to the Watchover podcast reaction to 1x21!!!

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#arrow #arrow 1x21 #olicity #oliver and felicity #arrow review #arrow reviews #anti lauriver #anti laurel lance #anti laurel and oliver #oliver and diggle #john diggle #felicity smoak #oliver queen #arrow season 1 #season 1 episode review #season 1 episode reviews #watchover #watchover with jen and calli #watchover podcast

[mahkari]

been meaning to ask for awhile now and now I feel brave enough to, can I hear about the fanverse incident

claps my hands together . so this might get long you’re just going to have to bear with me . some details may be foggy in my head because it’s been probably a year since ive cared or really paid much more attention than what my friends told me to it but this is , essentially , what i remember the most and what makes the fanverse a fucking disaster

so the fanverse predates the Republican donation stuff by about a year . when it was announced i think the games that stood out the most to people were the joy of creation , popgoes , candy’s , flumpty’s , and the fnaf 1 remaster ( that i’ll spend so much time on . there’s so much stuff on phisnom alone ) . TJOC and candy’s don’t really have a lot to say on them , because the creators are normal people ( ? ) who just wanted to make fnaf fan projects , and if they could make some money via assistance from Scott by means such as selling on steam and possible merchandise , of course they were gonna take it

i don’t wanna say that the cracks started to show when the creator of flumpty was outed as a pedophile and openly admitted to it and banned himself from any online space to go better himself or whatever , but i will say that you could probably guess things were only going to go downhill from there when Scott made no public statement . i guess if you’re a dick rider you can argue that fnaf has an audience of children who don’t really need to be hearing a lengthy statement from the series creator about how pedophilia is a bad thing because Obviously , but he Has made statements about that before . he cut ties with pinkypills ( supposedly ) because of her comics that portrayed william as a pedophile . this isn’t meant to come off as a defense of pinkypills because she’s a genuinely terrible person , but one would think that a real life human person grooming a minor and admitting to it would be worse than possibly having someone read a comic that would have others perceive your fictional character as a pedophile . moving on

popgoes is being developed by kane carter who’s his own brand of something . he has such a bad tendency of saying stupid shit on his Twitter and then when someone goes ‘hey man this sounds a little stupid’ he will bug out and post some heated rant before going nuclear and locking his account , rinse and repeat for however many years it’s been . <- that’s why i joke that i have beef with him . because he did that to me circa 2020 when i made a joke about his old sister location theory about it being an underground sex dungeon or something He just had to make sure i knew at 14 years old that he wasn’t serious ! and it was a product of lack of knowledge of the time or whatever . i don’t hold that against him btw i just think it’s objectively a little funny . i think in terms of fanverse reception popgoes is still held in a really high regard because it seems to be one of the only projects that’s still actually being fucking worked on . if kane carter wasn’t such a fucking bizarre guy on his Twitter im sure that he’d still have a crumb of good faith left to anyone other than the people who have been following him since he made popgoes as a one off thing and probably feel some sort of obligation to keep going

Stares At You . and phisnom . phisnom is a special guy . he was the one who was assigned to remake fnaf 1 but make it Scarier or something . i feel it’s important to say that phisnom has gone on record saying that redesigns ( such as the ones in analog horror ) that just take the base design but make it grimy and ‘scarier’ are lazy and don’t actually add anything to their base design . i don’t inherently disagree with his take but seriously look at this

yeah man you’re really dodging the ‘making it scarier just because’ allegations with this one . i honestly think that aside from the joy of creation which is just like a really impressive fan game this was probably the second most hyped up one because it was being sold as a remake to the first and it was being funded by Scott’s money . objectively for the time it felt a little bit cool and i drew fan art for it ( which i still think is cute . i wish that phisnom didn’t suck so much fucking cock and balls so that i didn’t feel bad about looking at it but it’s whatever )

where the problems with phisnom reach a head is that he’s a cunt . like really just a cunt i don’t know how else to put it . there’s nothing wrong with someone wanting to have an audience of adults or whatever especially if the thought of having an audience of children makes you uncomfortable there is Nothing wrong with that , but when you sign on to make a remake of FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDYS you need to know what kind of fan base you’re signing up for .

phisnom’s twitter is 18+ , but he would get interactions from minors all the time . whether or not you blame the minors is up to you i guess but Again , when you’re posting about your five nights at Freddy’s project unless its just straight up porn it’s kind of absurd to think that everyone here is going to be a strong hearty adult . like let’s be so for real we all know the adults in the room aren’t funding your fan game .

what you probably heard is that after he played the ruin dlc he didn’t like it . since the dlc had just come out it had its recency bias and a kid replied to his tweet about it and then phisnom quote retweeted them and inadvertently sent his audience who aren’t stalking him for fnaf over to this child and send him gore and porn . obviously a person can’t control what their fan base does but when people were like ‘hey dude your community is sending a child gore and porn’ instead of making a tweet like ‘i don’t want you guys to do that’ he posted an ‘apology’ that just led back to a rick roll . obviously at this point he kind of just looks like an edgy child and people go to their lord and savior Scott Cawthon to get something done

by the way , i didn’t mention this yet , but this phisnom stuff happened in like July-august of last year , so it’s not like this was that long ago . that being said you also have to wonder Hey . where’s fnaf+ by now . because that was also the question that a lot of people ran back to . so you’re getting funded by both Scott cawthon and an audience of fans who are expecting a project that the creator himself managed to shit out in about a month , while you’ve been given three years to recreate some source material and you’re not done yet ? what’s taking so long ?

all of this combined into one melting pot led fnaf+ to getting canceled . go figure . scott never released his own statement on it because he’s off doing god knows but phisnom did , which basically said he’s done with fnaf and don’t ask about it or fnaf+ as a project anymore because he’s not completing it and he would like to do other project .

im sure there’s stuff i missed because of the aforementioned brain fog all the way at the start but yes . the fanverse is a fucking disaster . the joy of creation and candy’s are pretty good though

#kari answers #long post

[zahri-melitor]

Newish Comics, Regular Edition (thank you extremely early spoilers meaning I spent yesterday on the Gotham War stuff, this is a big edition and I’ve been holding myself back from touching these for FOUR WHOLE WEEKS):

Birds of Prey #1: Righto so as I read this my levels of trust are building just slightly. There is at least reasoning being built into this scenario. Also I note the note that this is post Green Arrow #6

The list!!! I’ve already ranted about this but I want to note how IMMACULATE the order of “Shiva, Selina, Talia?, Cheshire?” is. Shiva’s the obvious starting point. She’s heavily associated with Sin, she’s an actual Bird of Prey from several team lineups, there’s the whole Dinah and Shiva relationship… Dinah would consider this. Jumping to Selina next, as someone who again has had multiple BoP appearances, is known to ally up if asked, exists in the antihero spectrum, Dinah’s probably also now aware she’s been looking after Lian. Then Talia. I am unaware of Talia being associated with any BoP team lineup ever but she’s an obvious next place for thoughts to go. Talia has Views and if you’re looking at dangerous people who can help with an extraction rescue she’s an option. Then finally, Cheshire. Who Dinah full well knows would cause ALL LEVELS of drama if Dinah asked her to go after Sin given everything around Lian, but is willing to consider it anyway for a moment there.

I do adore the art style in this, DC’s really putting out some stunning LOOKING books at the moment, also the old fashioned comics style and colour here are giving me vibes of the Black Canary 1991 run.

“What’s more important than a sister” remains excellent, Barda and Cass together is just amazing, and I’m interested in what happens with Zealot and Meridian. I understand why Harley’s there even if I don’t like it, and it’s largely approached better than I expected (I just can’t summon the energy to care about that fight scene, it’s establishing stuff to jury rig a reason for Harley to be here at all, I just don’t care about Harley enough, though does Harley have a secret past with the Dava Sborsc ‘collect all the single punches’ form of martial arts?)

My actual big question is: Sin is SIXTEEN? I mean I know we’ve had 2.5 reboots since the last time she was on page in comics, but she was approximately 10 years old after One Year Later. She was in PRIMARY SCHOOL. That’s even faster aging than Damian! (I guess we could stretch the point to her being 11-12, but it feels older than she was depicted)

Blue Beetle #1: The thing I MOST adore about using that JLI picture for Ted is that even with this comic set in the current present, Ted was on the team with a proper USSR Red Rocket. Ted you were a superhero 32 years ago?

Also amused we got a zany Charlton Comics era villain back.

RED BEETLE IS BACK!!! Oh no. Also almost impossible for it to be Paco given various reboots, so… (I’m sure Ted is fine. They’re not killing him off permanently in the first issue of this)

Fire & Ice: Welcome to Smallville #1: BEA! TORA! “Each day is a gift, and I get to share it with my best friend!” (Howling. I’m howling. They’re going to spend this entire mini baiting us all aren’t they)

…Martha immediately starts comparing Fire & Ice to her and Jonathan. “Gorilla Grodd’s little sister” (whose name appears to be Linka Grodd? And who is queer).

NOOOO THEY’RE BREAKING UP! AND THEY WEREN’T EVEN TOGETHER! YOU TWO JUST LESBIANED YOURSELVES INTO A BUSINESS TOGETHER! AND A TWELVE MONTH LEASE!

“Abandoned by my best friend, maybe the only true friend I’ve known.” (Get a room together)

AWW YEAH AMBUSH BUG!!

I am going to thoroughly enjoy this BECAUSE the entire run will be queerbait and hopefully Bea and Tora might finally get to kiss or something in issue 6. I am ready for this. Just gals being pals.

City Boy #4: this remains outstanding in my opinion. I really like what they’re doing with Cameron, and they’re making using Darkseid actually make sense. Also Chemo blowing up Bludhaven has been recanonised!

Shazam! #3: “Dan Mora an alien?” bookmark ahhahahaha. The background details are where Mora really has fun.

NOT THE AUDITORS.

This just remains silly fun (the Moon Emperor?) so I’m enjoying it.

Warlord #18: this week in the land of Skartaris we apparently DID manage to get out of 500km of desert in a single issue. Amazing work, Grell.

Travis once again using his gun. How many bullets left, Travis, how many. Can you make more?

Then they get attacked by the BLOODMOON and kidnapped by space aliens for breeding purposes. After running away from a T-rex.

And then…TRAVIS MORGAN BONDAGE SCENE. I’ve missed these, Grell, how have you been coping?

Travis gets transmuted into a minotaur. This will clearly only go well. (Sadly it gets fixed like three pages later)

Tara saves the day twice because Tara’s actually more competent than Travis.

#z canon read throughs #newish comics

[distort-opia]

The talk about Bruce’s relationship with the Family, and his abusive parental style, made me think of this specific issue in King’s Knightmares (Batman #61-63, #66-69) -- so I need to exorcise the thoughts before it starts bugging me. The arc is part of an ongoing effort to break Batman’s mind, orchestrated by Bane and none other than his father from an alternate Universe, Flashpoint Batman (who... well it’s just interesting to see that a Batman version of Bruce’s father is also not getting any ‘Best Dad ever’ mugs for his birthday any time soon). Bruce is strapped to a machine and pumped full of Scarecrow’s gas, having a series of hallucinations; each of them is centred around a different issue/important person he’s been grappling with.

The issue I mean is #62. In it, Bruce dreams that he’s restrained by a rope and hanging upside down, bleeding and bleeding, while Professor Pyg is standing there with a knife waiting to slaughter him. The comic is drawn in very bright colors, in a style that’s clearly supposed to evoke a psychedelic feeling and experience. From the start, we are more or less told of the key players (or symbols) of the dream: blood, a man in a mask, rope, a knife. All of these elements undergo change and impact each other, one way or another.

But the most important thing about this dream is that it’s clearly supposed to symbolically reflect the way Bruce relates to the Robins -- and more precisely, it reflects what he fears from them. The key to understanding this mess is keeping in mind who Professor Pyg actually is under the mask (Damian, his son), and who he represents.

What follows under the cut are lots of comic panels and wild extrapolation and interpretation on my part, since overthinking is my hobby. Fair warning, there’s lots of blood involved.

There’s already a lot to unpack, at the beginning. “The rope was talking, now it’s yelling. Understand, sympathize, thank it for its help. And cut. And cut.”

It’s an interesting contrast, the fact that the rope -- what’s keeping Bruce restrained -- is the one with a voice. Meanwhile, the “enemy”, the man in a mask (who, again, is actually Damian underneath) keeps talking and shouting, but Bruce cannot hear anything at all.

“They all want the same thing. Year after year they beg for it. And you can’t give it to them.”

What, Bruce? Love? Approval? That’s very likely it, and in light of this, I think the ropes in the beginning signify Bruce’s own emotions. What he always sees as an obstacle and something that binds him. They yell and they beg, but all Bruce really does is acknowledge them as he cuts them anyway. He escapes in order to attack Professor Pyg, whose voice Bruce still cannot hear.

“You should have heard him... listened... There’s a knife in you now.” Here an exchange of elements takes place. Bruce sheds the rope, and gains the knife. As the story progresses, Bruce tries to pull out the knife and survive, using the pain to ground himself. All along, he can’t hear a word of what his assailant is saying. But the inner dialogue begins to suggest (like on the cover of the issue itself) that what Professor Pyg is saying is “Little pig, little pig. Let me in.”

And Bruce does this:

He turns the knife on his enemy, but not for long. Bruce tries to interrogate him by inflicting pain, and has to remind himself not to kill him. All the while, Professor Pyg manages to pick the knife back up from the floor.

At this point, Professor Pyg begins to rant again, with Bruce not hearing any of it -- but all the while, his memories are coming back. He remembers being attacked by Bane, and by his own father. Slowly begins to realize that this is all a dream, that they’ve done something to him. He begins to fight Pyg with batarangs and then asks himself, “What is Pyg? A metaphor. A myth. A story. A dream.”

And here come the crucial elements to interpreting it:

“Your children aren’t safe. They’re dying. You love them, you created them, created their love, and they’re not safe.”

The “she” in there is Selina, of course. Since all of this takes place quite recently after Bruce proposed, and after she left him at the altar, a lot of the whole arc of Knightmares is Bruce dealing with that. There’s definitely an amalgamation in Bruce’s head, when it comes to his attachments: Selina, Alfred, Dick -- his children, all of it is love, and all of it is something he thinks he built. To Bruce, it’s all dead marble that he shaped and sculpted into being his ideal. It’s something he desperately wanted but couldn’t muster on his own, so he prayed to make it come to pass. 

In the end, he desperately asks Professor Pyg, “How did I get here? How do I get out?” And for the first time... he can hear the answer.

And then Damian leaves. The dream ends. Nothing is truly resolved, because Bruce has a couple more hallucinations before he manages to break out of it. The idea that Bruce built his love is the point his mind is trying to make through them, and the moment he gets confronted with that by Selina in issue #69 -- with the fact he didn’t truly love her, but that he wanted to (”I have to love you,” he says) -- he finally comes out of the dreams.

But in this issue... it’s just interesting to me that his Family, his children, Damian (possibly as a stand-in for all the Robins) are included in this too. What textually happens in the dream is Professor Pyg simply having Bruce tied up and talking while holding a knife, with Bruce attacking him twice -- and Pyg only stabbing and defending himself the moment he does.

There’s a continuous exchange happening. The rope never comes up again: Bruce thanks it for its service, but sheds the hold of his emotions. What’s left is the blood and the knife. The knife is the power love affords you over another. Blood represents all the things you lose when the knife sinks into you; it’s weakness. And it keeps switching. Bruce is overcome with blood and then gains the knife, and uses it to hurt a person he cares about. But then Damian gains the knife and all Bruce is left with is the blood. And all along, while Bruce is attacking, Damian is reaching out but Bruce can’t hear it. And what he’s saying is, “Let me in.” Bruce only hears it when he stops fighting and uses his damn words to ask.

I do believe Damian here is not just Damian. From the start, Professor Pyg is drawn in colors reminiscent of the Robin uniform, so I do think this applies more generally to all who’ve been Robin to Bruce. Always begging to be let in, and Bruce not being capable of it, because he inherently sees that as a threat; the edge of a knife, weakness. Always trying to talk to Bruce, but Bruce not hearing them.

The issue also pretty much says that Bruce thinks he made them, like Pygmalion made the object of his love. That he chose them to be Robins, and chose to love them, and made them love him. Not only that, but since this is all under the influence of fear gas, there’s also what Bruce sees as a threat... what he created slipping his control, and turning against him. The people who love him not getting their love returned in full, not being let inside, and thus Bruce finding himself under the sharp edge of the knife because he didn’t listen. And yet... the final nail in the coffin, I feel, is that the ending of the issue isn’t simply Damian leaving.

It’s Damian asking to be let in, with the “I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down” another potential reference to how opening up to someone can make you weak. This is the answer to Bruce’s question; this is what he needs to do in order to wake up. Let himself be vulnerable. And then Damian waits, but Bruce just falls back into old patterns, the things he’s been saying to himself all along. “Evaluate. Reassess.” He doesn’t answer. And when Damian leaves, he doesn’t call out -- he just looks resigned.

The way Bruce is constantly torn between wanting love and his utterly monumental fear of it, which makes him crave control so badly and hurt so many people and in the end himself... it certainly makes me feel all kinds of ways. Some of which I can definitely descibe as ‘feral’. And sad.

#I think I just need to acknowledge that I like King's writing sometimes #though it's very likely just because I'm into dissecting stuff into tiny little bits #and when he's not being fake deep and utterly nonsensical #King does provide the opportunity for that #anyway yeah. gonna tag this under #batman: knightmares #since I'm pretty sure I'll analyze the other dreams Bruce has at some point too #should I make a tag for my personal Bruce-centric comic metas #haha it could be #welcome to Bruce's twisted mind #we'll see #batman #batman meta #bruce wayne #bruce wayne meta #damian wayne #batfam #batfam meta #my meta #blood tw

[stackthedeck]

i gave probably adked you categorically too many things but uhhh humor me, thoughts on the different "young" teams (like young avengers, west coast avengers, all-new all different avengers, and the champions + any other u can think of) which is your fav & why?

I love all these teams, absolutely adore them although non-comic fans that engage with them bug the ever-loving fuck out of me hold on let me go on a little rant

so mcu fans have claimed all the younger characters as young avengers which like why??? So this team according to the mcu is Kate Bishop, America Chavez, Billy and Tommy Maximoff (even though they don't technically exist yet), Kamala Khan, Yelena Belova, and Peter Parker. I try not to be the "um actually" person but like there's a point where you put a character into a narrative position that isn't theirs and then the character that is originally made for that role doesn't get to have it. Peter Parker is not a Young Avenger! he's a regular Avenger sometimes but frankly not often. Kamala Khan is not a Young Avenger she's a Champion!! And Miles is on the Champions, but when the mcu team up Kamala with a different Spider-Man it erasures any chance of Miles in the mcu. Not only that but because Peter is so fucking young in the mcu he's being shipped with Kamala by the fandom and like listen fans don't have that much influence but idk I worry especially since Marvel comics wants to keep Peter young. Like fuck Miles and Kamala have such a cute friendship and it's so weird to see her interacting with Peter in fan content. It breaks my heart to see Miles just replaced. Like it really gets under my skin that people are comfortable shipping a character that is 30 in the comics with another character that is 17. Like it's weird right???

Okay, that was a whole tangent. Of the MCU "young Avengers" only Kate, Billy, Tommy, and America have actually been on the team and America isn't even a founding member. Idk it's just weird to see a really diverse team from the comics be replaced with white characters and white washed characters (Marvel why isn't America Black??? Why you'd take away Billy and Tommy's Jewish and Romani identity???) Like at some point, it's not even about comic accuracy it's about fans not wanting to see people of color on screen or in fan content. I feel like I'm going fucking crazy no one else has a fucking problem with it I feel like I'm being gaslighted by the whole internet.

And to like actually answer your question I love the young teams in comics because they showcase legacy characters and by giving them a big team comic it only gives them more time to shine and they're not tokenized on an already existing team. Like I fucking adore the Champions because one Kamala and Miles!! but two they're engaging with deeper societal questions, even though it is a comic run aimed at a younger audience they don't pull punches, they say this isn't a problem we can punch away, it's not aliens, it's bigotry that's the true villain. In fact I think because they are aimed at a fresher comic audience they have the freedom to do new things and tackle tougher issues. They're fucking amazing and what I recommend to people who've never picked up a comic before

Also not be nit picky but the West Coast Avengers aren't a young or a new team. Volume 3 (the one Gwenpool was in) was kinda an outliner with a slightly younger hip team, but Clint was still there, kinda a passing the torch thing, but that was only 10 issues and we've got nothing since smh

#asks #i fucking love the champions #mcu fans if you even breath on this post I'll promise you they'll never find your body

[katatonicimpression]

OK so Monet briefly cameos in Ms Marvel and Wolverine (may not be the exact title) and no shade to this comic because it's fine. It's under no obligation to do a bunch of service to my faves anyway, and it really is just a small, inconsequential cameo.

But I fucking hated it.

So this just me ranting about the shortcomings of her writing recently.

So in this comic, she's in Penance almost the entire time. She doesn't use her other powers, she doesn't appear to even fly. And for some bizarre reason Armor protects her with her forcefield which like... girl she's nearly indestructible even without Penance, and in that form she's meant to be harder than diamonds. They're fighting little robot alien bugs. She shouldn't need this.

Secondly she has one line referencing x-corp, and it's like "I should be doing spreadsheets right now". And it's not even a good joke. Like, it's not the main x-corp joke (I.e. lol these superheroes are cosplaying as CEOs), it's just lazy and unfunny. Monet isn't a workaholic, she's just inclined to brag about her business "success".

This particularly stood out to me because the Infinity Comic series did a Generation X reunion where Monet is featured in a small role but kind of perfectly. She's super competent, badass, aloof and fabulous. She doesn't change into Penance because she doesn't need to, she just uses her powers to save the day... like she should. X-Corp is mentioned, but in a way that makes sense - that is, kind of tongue-in-cheek. (Also she shares clothes with Jubilee and it's a very important moment for me)

X-Corp itself handled Monet pretty well I think. This is I guess a relative statement because the last series that had her as a regular was Weapon X-Force which was horse shite as far as her character was concerned, and before that Uncanny X-Men (2016) that was mostly kind of an insult towards her. In contrast, X-Corp had a good grasp on her character and wasn't hellbent on degrading her at every turn. (I said this was a rant, okay? I'll be charitable to those series some other time). X-Corp itself also had a fun absurdist sense of humour and I enjoyed a lot of it.

Now, since Hickman threw this Penance situation on Monet and never even tried to make sense of it (I think it might actually be a retcon from his perspective - I.e. he's presenting it like this has always been her power), X-Corp had to deal with the question of how this power works, what this transformation means to her.

The approach they go with makes sense, she's Monet most of the time but shifts into Penance when she wants too, and also when she's really upset. Penance is literally a metaphor for social isolation and trauma so this is a good place to start.

But a lot of subsequent cameos have treated it as if her main/only power is transforming into Penance.

Also some of them are super insulting (e.g. spending most of Empyre unconscious)

I fucking hate this.

Giant-Sized X-Men: Storm (may not be the exact title) genuinely did Monet justice. It kept her in character and packed in a lot, including things that a lot of other writers forget (I.e. that she's a genius, and that she doesn't like Emma).

And I really do like her appearance in House of X... I'm just worried if the consequences of this Penance thing are actually a bit mixed. And I hate that I'm saying that because I am in love with the potential of this concept. But so far no writer has seriously engaged with what this means for her beyond the ONE SCENE that X-Corp had time for.

Being trapped in Penance is canonically a recurring nightmare of Monet's. It's canon that at least part of why she's depressed to the point of suicidal ideation shortly after leaving school is because of this. Because of what being Penance was to her. Because it was the form she was trapped in for years while her brother periodically ATE HER BONE MARROW. This is not a simple thing for her. It's not just a cool new power.

This could be such a great thing to explore but I guess they just said "nah".

I'm just really bothered by the fact that in the last FOUR YEARS, Monet's best appearances are:

A one shot that's primarily about another character

A five issue series that, thanks to covid, fell apart before it really got started and is mostly comedy anyway

A cameo in an infinity comic about dungeons and dragons.

I can't. I just can't.

#monet st. croix #salt #cw mental health #cw suicide mention #penance

[mistertoilette]

Ive been really enjoying the current run of Harley Quinn comics, mainly because of how good the art from Riley Rossmo is. So it really bugs me seeing a bunch of dumbasses online complain about the series having bad art. Its just super stylish and different enough from the usual dc style that its really refreshing to see. Like, look at how good this cover is.

If anything, a more cartoony and stylized look fits a character like Harley Quinn, so I just cannot wrap my head around how anyone can see this and think its bad.

#harley quinn #dc #also this series is actually set in the main dcu unlike the last two volumes that were basically a harley sitcom that usually sucked #just a little rant about comics since this has been bugging me

[lea-andres]

just for fun, character analysis for Jerk? what about them is so appealing?

😍😍😍 It's been a hot minute since I've ranted about these two, huh?

I love the initial shock factor of the size difference. He's a massive polar bear, she's a tiny beetle. This was literally the thing that made the ship in the first place. I told @bitter-sweet-coffee we need to ship Jewel with one of the 6 foot tall Power characters because the size difference would be so delightfully jarring, and Izzy fucking delivered. 😂

But, they've got their similarities: the big one being they're both the impulse control to their crazy best friends (or at least they TRY to be). These two could relate SO HARD to the stresses the other has suffered thanks to the struggles of keeping Bean and Tangle alive. 😂 They also, if you choose to translate Bark's mutism as a symptom of social anxiety like I do, both suffer from some amount of anxiety, so they could provide some amount of understanding and comfort to each other on that front too.

Jewel could be scared of Bark upon first meeting him (we're exploring this aspect in my fic When the Day Met the Night, if you're new here and this is your first time seeing this ship or my antics 😂), but she'd come around when she realizes what an absolute gentle sweetheart he is. Like his and Amy's interaction in IDW, but with a romantic context, because I cannot foresee a situation where Bark WOULDN'T like her to some degree upon first meeting her. She's just too sweet and cute. 😂

They're a well deserved break from their usual crazy associates. While Jewel WOULD end up being the crazy one of the two (we'll get into why in a bit), she can't hold a candle to Bean or Fang, neither one of them can even come close to Bean or Tangle's antics, so they can actually relax for once and not have to be constantly on guard for something to explode or for Tangle to fling herself head first down a pit of spikes. And, if they're together and something crazy DOES happen, they know they can count on each other for back up. They're both used to this shit.

And both of them would complete each other so well if they were a couple, or at least friends. Bark gains a voice, figuratively AND literally. I've joked before Jewel's the "they asked for no pickles!" One of the couple, but she totally is. If she's not protesting to a situation/plan of action/how someone is treating Bark because it's what she'd say in that situation anyway, she's doing it specifically for Bark. She knows what he would say in that situation if he could (mostly because it lines up with what she would say herself anyway), and so she'd ensure Bark's heard by saying it herself. Doesn't matter if she succeeds or fails, Bark would appreciate being heard either way.

As for Jewel, she gets a spine, essentially. Much needed confidence and bravery when the going gets tough. As I mentioned before, Bark is HUGE. We've seen him go toe to toe with KNUCKLES on several occasions in the comics, the guy's a powerhouse. And he's significantly calmer than Jewel is in the face of danger. So when Jewel's got to go up against some threatening enemy, Bark would back her up, 100%. And people are going to take the two foot tall, very puntable bug seriously if she's got a 6 foot tall, pure muscle bear lurking around behind her, giving them a "fuck around and find out" look.

...And this is where Jewel becomes the crazy one. The power of "no one wants to touch me because Bark would pound them into a pulp" would go to her head a little bit, and Jewel would slowly (testing out the waters, seeing what she has the guts to actually say or do in each scenario) become a lot more confident and would talk back to her enemies more often. So she'd occasionally blindside poor Bark by responding to Eggman's ludicrous threats with "Why don't you come over here and DO IT?" Or by calmly telling Zavok to fuck off back to Lost Hex, but at least she's more confident in herself now???

Also, this is so minor, but it makes me so feral: warm blooded and cold blooded. JEWEL WINS THE WARM CUDDLES GAME, 100%. TRY TO TOP POLAR BEAR IN GIVER OF WARM CUDDLES, I DON'T THINK YOU CAN!!! Plus Bark strikes me as a physically affectionate guy (to make up for the lack of words 😂), so Jewel would just have an endless supply of warm cuddles. And he's so much bigger than her! She'd never get cold again, he'd make sure of that. 😍 My favorite is to envision them sleeping together (in the literal sense, not the NSFW sense!): Either Jewel's tucked into his arms like a teddy bear, or she's just curled up on his chest and he's pretty much her bed. He wouldn't hurt her, Bark knows his strength and can be very gentle with her. 😍😍😍

...Okay. Rant over, I think. Thank you for enabling me to brain dump about my rare pair! 😍

#jewel the beetle #bark the polar bear #jerk #bugbear #shipping asks #lea's trash writing #when the day met the night #sonic ships

[mc-lukanette]

- Luka sees the bees coming and warns Marinette. Marinette pushes him, demanding that he get on his bike and go. Luka hesitates because she's basically asking him to leave her, but Marinette asks, "Do you trust me?" which Luka does and bikes away while she runs in the opposite direction.

- Meanwhile, Adrien and Kagami's kiss goes through. They both see the bees and, similar to Luka and Marinette, head off in different directions.

- Both Aqua Ladybug and Aqua Chat Noir re-find Luka and Kagami, then bring them into the water/have them jump in and give them the breathing apparatuses.

- They go to the battle taking place with Miracle Queen. The only difference in the Miracle Queen scene is that Luka and Kagami aren't there and Nino also looked up at Master Fu when he was told to get his miraculous, making his identity as Carapace obvious (that was always weird to me in the episode how Nino didn’t really do that).

- Ladybug still feels like this is all her fault. Luka and Kagami can't offer verbal help, but Chat helps and Luka+Kagami place reassuring hands on each of her shoulders.

- Ladybug devises a strategy. She pulls out the dragon, asking Kagami to help one more time because she has an idea.

- Cut to Miracle Queen. Out of nowhere, they hear, "WIND DRAGON!" and the bees are thrown a massive distance away. Miracle Queen clutches the Miracle Box for protection and we see the snake disappear from its slot. When everyone starts looking around, Miracle Queen notices that Max isn't Pegase anymore.

- Hawk Moth is shocked, then hears a sound coming from inside Fu's Shell-ter. Aqua Horse-Chat pokes his head through with a Cheshire grin. "Don't mind me. I'm just here to pick up my grandfather." Fu grabs Chat's hand and Chat pulls him inside.

- With everyone still in the water (Fu holding his breath), Ladybug gives Fu a hug and explains that they'll need Shell-ter since Ryu Kenshi (the new Ryuko, decked out in a new outfit to protect her identity: "kenshi" is the word for a practicer of kendo but it can also mean "swordsman"/”swordswoman”) can't use Wind Dragon again. However, Fu slips off the turtle bracelet and hands it over to Ladybug, metaphorically symbolizing the future transfer of guardianship.

- Everyone leaps out of the water, Chat carrying Fu. The aqua transformations drop. Luka transforms into Viperion. Ladybug feeds Wayzz with a macaron and has him unify with Tikki.

- They land on the battlefield. The bees charge forward and the butterfly sentimonster gets into the fray (due to no longer having Fu's shield to break into). Turtle Bug (that's apparently the naming theme so why should I bother? :P) smirks at Hawk Moth, then uses a combination of Shell-ter and ladybug to make a large pink shield that seems to have the spinning effect that the yoyo shield does, making it hard to peer inside.

- Hawk Moth shouts to get the guardian, Miracle Queen chiming in with, "YEAH, WHAT HE SAID."

- Fight ensues. It's Rena Rouge, Roi Singe, and the butterfly sentimonster (technically Nino and Max too but--well--you can imagine how useful that is) against Turtle Bug, Chat Noir, Viperion, and Ryu Kenshi. Fu is a distraction of sorts since the mind-controlled heroes want to get the guardian.

- It’s also the most even team Chat Noir will ever be on since he knows both Kagami and Luka’s hero identities, which is a nice bonus for him.

- Similar scenario happens to before (the set-up using Roi Singe), but there's more tension because one single part of the shield can't be opened like in the original. The shield is dropped, the bees charge forward, but Chat gets Roi Singe to throw the power-disruptor at Miracle Queen (who's been comically circling the shield this whole time, trying to figure out what's going on). The bees explode into confetti, Turtle Bug pulls Miracle Queen in, and Chat Cataclysms her object.

- (note that Miracle Queen could also have been participating in the fight provided that she can't summon her bee minions)

- Since she's already used Shell-ter and doesn't need it anymore, Turtle Bug dismisses Wayzz. Same happens as in the episode where Ladybug tries to convince Queen Bee not to be on Hawk Moth's side and Queen Bee, in response, starts throwing on miraculouses. Fu shouts at her not to do that, but she's not listening. The butterfly sentimonster (worn down from the fight but still able to move) tries to attack again, but Ladybug ties it up with her yoyo.

- Hawk Moth is confident with Queen Bee throwing on the miraculouses, but same thing happens where the kwami won't transform Chloe since she doesn't know their names. Fu makes a speech about how you can't get a miraculous you feel entitled to. Hawk Moth comments on how he's still going to win and force Fu to tell him the heroes' identities.

- Ladybug smiles, pointing up at him. "Really? Because Ryu Kenshi looks ready to fight you up there."

- Hawk Moth and Mayura turn around to see Ryu Kenshi (yeah, really should’ve thought about the whole “being on an unprotected roof when the superheroes can jump” thing), who's grinning at them. They pale and Ryu Kenshi uses Lightning Dragon to zap them, knocking them off the rooftop. The butterfly sentimonster reacts and frees itself from Ladybug's yoyo, catching the two and immediately flying off. Ryu Kenshi, angered by the retreat, starts to shout for Wind Dragon before remembering that she's already used it. She and Chat go off to see if they can catch the villains.

- Queen Bee tries to escape with the Miracle Box. Ladybug gets her with her yoyo and Queen Bee falls over, dropping the box. Master Fu walks over and picks it up gently, giving Queen Bee a critical look as Queen Bee rants about how the miraculouses are rightfully hers.

- "I'M Queen Bee, I'M the rightful owner of that box, and I--" Suddenly, the de-transformation light washes over her. She turns around, seeing Viperion holding the bee miraculous with a Did you seriously forget I was here? expression.

- Chloe is enraged, flipping out as she removes all the miraculouses and tosses them to the ground since she's surrounded now. Viperion and Fu are in the process of picking them up (absolutely ignoring her like this is just a typical Monday) while Chloe rants to Ladybug about how she betrayed her.

- Chloe leaves in a huff. Ryu Kenshi and Chat Noir return, disappointed that they couldn't catch Hawk Moth or Mayura. Ladybug uses Lucky Charm to prepare to use Miraculous Ladybug, summoning the key ring that she does in the original. Fu recognizes it and admits that, even though she may have made a mistake, she couldn’t have predicted Hawk Moth following her and he would've seen her identity had she gone to de-transform. He adds that this is also partly on him as well; he took far too long to start training "his protege" (being vague about who that is because the other heroes are here) and he clung to the Miracle Box because of it. Though, he adds solemnly that Hawk Moth has the tablet with the translated grimoire. Ladybug gasps, but Fu assures her that he still has his phone (the thing he used to take pictures of the grimoire pages in "The Collector"), and he can easily translate the pages over again since he's already done it once.

- Ladybug uses Miraculous Ladybug and everyone parts after Viperion and Ryu Kenshi give back the miraculouses. Fu stops Ladybug from leaving and simply states that it's time he pass on the guardianship to her. He hesitantly goes to recite the phrase, but Ladybug stops him and reminds him that he already changed the "dumb guardian rules" in order to teach her, so why can't they do that here? They then smile at each other and Fu hands over the box, promising to send Ladybug the translated grimoire over text.

- Fu still goes off with Marianne, the two promising to go back into hiding together just in case Hawk Moth thinks to go after them. Marinette is a little sad to see them go, but Fu assures her that she can call him if she needs anything. He also gives her the non-Lucky Charm version of the key, assuring her that everything she needs (like the thing he used to hide the Miracle Box in, though Marinette would repurpose/repaint it to fit her room and look stylish) is in the locker that the key fits into.

- Same scene with the ice cream happens, but while Luka still plays his song, Marinette is considering the stuff Fu wrote in the letter in the locker (it's still all philosophical and stuff even though no memory wipe ended up being needed) and Fu had noted that the burden Marinette carries is heavier than ever now and she shouldn't be afraid to rely on others should she need it (you know, like he should’ve).

- Finally, Marinette looks over to Luka and says, "Luka, do you remember what you said to me when you were--" She blushes lightly at the memory of them hugging. "--you know?" He nods, and she pauses before adding, "I do actually have something to tell you."

- The next scene is Marinette taking Luka into her room and revealing the location of the new Miracle Box, signifying that Luka is essentially Marinette's confidant now.

- Cut to Gabriel with the fixed peacock miraculous for tension and the episode ends.

#type: ideas #Flower Arrangement Shipping #episode: Miracle Queen #Pro LukaMari #Lukanette

[levitatingbiscuits]

hi sorry i just need to rant about lightsabers for a bit. (bear with me. i swear this isn’t just nitpicking the accuracy of physics and swordplay in a space opera, bc I swear I wouldn’t make a post JUST for that)

so, i have a bit of experience with swords. not actual swords, but bokken and wooden replicas, at least. i’ve been trained in basic shakespearian stage combat since i was 8 years old, but the only move I got really good at was the moulinet, aka that flippy thing everyone complains about in the prequels:

however, unlike everyone claims, THIS MOVE IS NOT USELESS. sure, it can be used to show “i’m fancy and well-trained,” but it’s ALSO extremely useful for acquainting yourself to the heft and length of your weapon, as well as readjusting your grip if your other hand is occupied (historically by a shield), or even if you just wanna do it quickly because you’re worried the other guy is about to stab/disarm you. it also helpfully keeps others at bay when your grip is at its weakest because they don’t wanna get hit by the blade and bleed tf out, much like poor anakin up there. Not to mention, IN UNIVERSE they can use moulinets to deflect blaster fire and seek openings in other saber users’ defenses.

HOWEVER X2: this move should not be possible with a plasma blade/”laser sword.”

plasma is weightless. the moulinet depends on the weight of the blade to function. imagine trying to do this move with a deadly flashlight instead of a sword, which is essentially what a lightsaber is. ewan and hayden were given sticks to stand in for the lightsaber blades, which is the only reason they can physically perform this move. (also probably why their stances are all so dumb -- the physics are COMPLETELY different. Only Makashi even vaguely resembles irl blade combat, and that’s because Christopher Lee was a fencer and George incorporated that. Maybe Ataru too, to a lesser extent, but that was because Liam Neeson got trained in broadsword combat for Rob Roy and kept accidentally using irl techniques during his fight scenes.)

BUT: that’s where the Force comes in.

Why is the lightsaber the signature weapon of ONLY the Jedi, when they can so easily be used to devastating effect? Simple answer: lightsabers are super fucking dangerous. They can cut through anything, with minimal effort, so if you drop it it can and will cut through whatever it touches, ESPECIALLY flesh and bone. it’s also weightless, and therefore it’s SUPER FUCKIN EASY to overexert yourself and cut through more than you intended, because it goes through your opponents and solid rock like a hot knife through butter. Even in metal’s case, it’s like a cold knife through fudge. if you aren’t Force-sensitive, you’re just as much of a danger to yourself and your companions as you are to your enemies. that’s probably why the mandalorians didn’t immediately manufacture a million more darksabers, despite it being the weapon equivalent of a wet dream for them: shit just isn’t practical. it’s a status symbol precisely because it’s such a pain in the ass to use.

but we KNOW there’s some force fuckery afoot with the kyber crystals, as well. they’re sentient, and the main way Force nulls can even use them is in giant superweapons. Jedi gotta bond with those little assholes, have to have a fucking vision quest before it will deign to be used by them. Sith have it even worse: they gotta break them to their will by running the gauntlet of their own worst (lightest, technically) thoughts and deepest self-doubts. in return, it sings to its Jedi, and screams at its Sith. 

so i theorize that the only reason why saber users can keep track of where their blade is going is because the saber tells them through the Force. The moulinet is the ultimate expression of skill in saberplay because it signifies complete trust in, and a constant connection with, your crystal. There is a reason Anakin Skywalker often moulinets, and Darth Vader does not. His crystal chose him, and later chose his son, but he stole that red saber from Master Infli’a and made it bleed. It hates and fears him.

This is also likely why the Jedi emphasize control above all else: they don’t really need power or strength that much if the saber is doing 90% of the work for them. They just need to guide its path. Vader can probably get away with being reckless because of his plasteel armor and robot limbs (when Luke hit his armor in ESB it bounced right off). Instead of practicing restraint, as the Jedi did, he just cuts his son’s hand off when he wants to disarm him (eh? eh??). Severing limbs was typically a last resort for the Jedi, the final way to end a fight without killing your opponent, which is why it’s so tragic that Obi-Wan has to cut off so goddamn many to protect those he loves. It gets to the point that he’s pretty blase about the whole thing by the time of ANH. Vader does it to scold his kid. He’s at his farthest point in his fall here.

Anyway, the lightsaber physics of the sequels ended up REALLY bugging me because of this. Sure, they were hardly realistic in the earlier films, but at least they were consistent. This video essay makes a lot of great points, the primary one being that WHY IS NO ONE FUCKING DYING WHEN THEY GET HIT BY A LIGHTSABER. Finn should have lost the use of his legs, at the very least, and Kylo’s skull should have split open like a ripe melon. The REASON the comics emphasized that Asajj was showing off when she gave Anakin his facial scar is because it takes incredible precision to do that to someone without instakilling them, much less leaving him the use of his eye. Rey swung that shit at him like a baseball bat and Kylo was totally fine! 

AAAAANYWAY, this is yet another reason in a fucklong list of why the Order has to start its training so young: so those cute lil babies don’t accidentally kill everyone with their Space Powers when they throw a tantrum or cut off something important whenever they get in a fight.

#star wars #lightsabers #swordplay #moulinet #Ramblings #Anakin Skywalker #Luke Skywalker #Asajj Ventress #Obi-Wan Kenobi #jedi order #kyber #kyber crystals #kirak infil'a #i have an essay due yesterday so i decided to write one about lightsabers instead #im an idiot #pro jedi #pro jedi order #jedi culture respected #qui-gon jinn #count dooku

[businessbois]

hello blue :D i would like to know everything you would like to tell me about your favourite fic you've written

lyssie shrugofgod weirdly-enough this is the kindest thing ever i hope you're ready for vaguely comprehensible ranting.

okay so i couldn't choose between two fics "once i called you brother" and "the art and (mine)craft of war" because i could talk forever about both, but im gonna talk about "once i called you brother" because its the less popular one

heres the link :)

so i basically wrote this fic because i thought that the song "the plagues" from prince of egypt (or at least the opening lines) were incredibly perfect for c!tommy and c!techno and it was a shame that no one did an animatic for it yet. i cannot draw so i just wrote a fic for it.

once i called you brother once i thought the chance to make you laugh was all i ever wanted

is that literally not tommy with techno though?

and then the rest of the song can read as like doomsday or november 16th, you know, them arguing about selfishness and betrayal and all that. the song fucking slaps.

but anyways the fic itself? the opening is inspired by how like, if you didn't know who technoblade was during the beginning of the smp, he would just be this mysterious figure of legend that tommy, wilbur, or dream occasionally talked about. it hit me during the dream v technoblade duel stuff that since techno had never been on the smp before, he was just this invisible dude with a huge reputation and that was so cool to me.

"Alrighty, I've been here before, right?"

"Listen, Techn—Dream..."

these are quotes from tommy that i quoted in the fic. i used to do this a lot, just stick quotes with no context into fics because i assumed everyone had the same precise memory of everything that went on the smp that i did. the first one is referring to tommy being surrounded by people outside the community house and "i've been here before" is him remembering a similar scenario on smpearth and therefore technoblade. the second is when he accidentally calls dream techno (about 30 seconds into this comp) again adding to techno's thing of being just this widely alluded to figure.

"Who do you think will win? My bets on our boy, Dream, but feel free to be wrong."

Niki stays quiet, a small frown on her face.

i feel bad for cutting niki absolutely owning dream with "well, techno's my friend" but it simply couldnt stay in for fic purposes

waking up to a frantic Bitzel muttering about hypothermia and something heavy and red covering his shivering frame.

smpearth is canon because i Want it to be canon and in my canon there's a moment where tommy passes out in the middle of a fight and techno brings him back to business bay wrapped up in his cape because he's technosoft and all their fighting is more like play fighting anyways

Tommy knows that love is earned. That if he does well in some Championships, then his place in the family is secured.

this is inspired by the bet that wilbur and tommy had in like mcc8 that if they placed fifth or higher tommy could be in sbi. in tommy's pov it becomes, "you have to earn your place in this family."

“Because I’m not the vice president.”

this is from one of his exile streams where he's talking to dream about why people won't visit him anymore

Tommy is 10 and too big for his boots.

this section is inspired by tommy's story of how he met techno as told in this storytime.

there is something that flickers at the back of his mind when the ratty zombie child calls him The Blade.

i think it's so incredibly special that everybody calls techno The Blade but like,, that's tommy's nickname for him. theres this moment where tommy's talking about giving techno a nickname and techno's like "you call me The Blade!' again, everybody calls techno The Blade, but he tells tommy "you call me The Blade." like i don't know how to articulate this but, that's tommy's nickname for him. they're brothers.

Tommy's been to war with soft, pale blues.

ae reference because again, smpearth is canon cuz i said

Tommy is 13 and standing over the remains of Business Bay's storage area.

this is an smpearth thing. wisp and vop did a whole grief of business bay, it was very dramatic very tragic. the thing with techno coming to business bay to talk to tommy is from this comic and i hold this headcanon close to my heart.

"Tommy, if anyone gives you trouble—and I mean serious trouble, not the kind we have—you tell me.”

Tommy hears an echo of similar words from the man who just burnt down everything he’s worked for.

"Tommy, anyone that touches you fucks with me... I will kill Techno if it takes me all of my life to prepare for it, you understand me?"

im so proud of this parallel between wisp and techno man you have no clue. okay, so like i said before, the ae versus bb thing in my head is very much like play fighting. sometimes it gets serious like the scenario which is happening in the fic where things actually get destroyed. that's because they're stubborn teenaged boys and conflicts can go from fun to actual trouble real quick. these "similar words" and the following quote are references to one of my favorite wisp moments ever. wisp, for anyone unclear on smpearth backstory, was a part of business bay before he betrayed them for the antarctic empire. he was also the one who burnt down the storage area which is why tommy's remembering this quote so bitterly.

Tommy rolls his eyes. "I pinky promise, Technoblade." He sticks out his little finger like a challenge.

the pinky promising is Canon from like the post-exile streams i think and i headcanon it as something tommy just does with people

and so this is to put context to the "using techno" thing. because i've always kinda viewed as like calling in a friend (or a big brot—[gunshot]) in for help so this part of the fic gives it the background to be like that

But then, Tommy is 16 and standing in a cataclysm, once again watching everything he’s worked for get destroyed by a man who swore to protect him.

this line solidifies that parallel to wisp where techno made a similar promise to protect tommy and now he's destroying everything tommy's worked for (business bay in wisp's case, lmanburg in techno's case) im very proud of this parallel.

His tall brown-haired friend from competitions past

wilbur of course, the competitions past being mcm

He collects titles like music discs

i asked my friend for things that people collect and they said "records" and i said "wait—"

Technoblade is 17 and he has no family. He has a friend who makes sure he sleeps. He has a friend who creates bridges and mischief. He has a bug that he still hasn't squashed.

i've always loved the idea of sbi becoming this little found family on smpearth. like they're not super lovely dovey "we're like brothers" but they're so fond of each other and they hang out when they're not pretending to be at war. and so theres still that room to say that they're not family, but like they totally are

Bright blue eyes beg him for some entertainment, so Techno sighs and grabs The Complete Works of William Shakespeare off the shelf.

this headcanon that techno used to read them shakespeare comes from wilbur's offhand comment asking techno to recite king lear to them

Wilbur's planted himself at Techno's side for the duration of the finale, something that he's grateful for. Wilbur's always been his person to lean on for things like this.

inspired by i think wilbur saying that he was techno's like designated extrovert during mcc's and i really love that aspect of their relationship. because techno is looked at as "the older brother" in so many ways, but like in this way, when wilbur's guiding him through social situations and supporting him, he gets to be wilbur soot's little brother.

Technoblade never says I love you, but he reads his baby brother The Twelfth Night instead of Hamlet and ends Theseus' tale after the Minotaur.

this was one of the first things i had written for this fic. so obviously hamlet is a tragedy while the twelfth night is a rocking good time. so like going back to that shakespeare headcanon but techno protecting tommy in the little ways. the theseus part is inspired by me not knowing the rest of theseus' story after he gets home and his dad jumps into the ocean. like the exile and death stuff i didn't hear about until the dsmp so that's where that came from. techno, even though it kind of goes against who he is, leaving theseus' story as a victory where the hero slays the monster, just to give his little brother something with a happy ending

"Do you want to be a hero, Tommy? THEN DIE LIKE ONE!"

i did always think this could be seen as like "well if you want to be a hero, then you can die like one" and leaving off the unspoken "but if you don't want to be--if you choose not to be, then you get to live. so don't be a hero. please don't be a hero." and theres like that little tragedy there that i really love in techno and tommy's relationship. like, i love you, you love me, all i ever wanted was to make you laugh, but we don't speak the same language. we don't understand each other. everything you are is against everything i stand for. so yeah bedrock bros feels. i wrote this long before exile and all that so its even more complicated now gosh.

#long post

[obeymeluv]

The Bros Visit the Human World

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵ 

You bring the bros to the human world for a little get-away and they develop some interesting habits.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Lucifer

He’s the restless one that doesn’t sleep well. It takes a night or two to get comfortable and sleep normally.

Lucifer will probably be the first one up. Not only out of habit, but you’re in the human world so he’ll see the sun again

Being away from Diavolo and the responsibilities actually makes him seem like a stranger. Everyone forgets who he is outside of that because he’s so dedicated.

If you’re around a lot of nature, he’ll just casually stroll around. Almost like he’s forgotten what grass, trees, and flowers look like. He loves to spend time in the sun and just breathe the air.

Have pets? He’s partial to cats and well-behaved dogs.

Surprisingly, he’ll be the type to chase birds off of anything half-wounded or put birds back into their nests

At some point you’ll find him on the roof, wings out and sunning

Take him to livestock stores or somewhere like Tractor Supply Co. and he’ll be super tempted to smuggle a baby chick out in his pocket.

Loathes most human TV. Can’t bring himself to be interested until you bust out bible-history related documentaries. If he finds one he’ll take control of the TV, watch it all, and rip it to pieces.

Kind of develops a complex about it. “What would these humans know?! They’ve only been around for, what, forty years? Try five thousand!”

Take him by the coffee shops or smoothie shops to try decadent treats! He secretly likes them!

Mammon

Sleeps easier than Lucifer but has a tough time because the noises are different

If you have an open field or bigger back yard, his favorite thing to do is stand there and watch birds come to him. It surprises him that he can summon more than crows

Boy will definitely throw on a sunhat (or some cool glasses) and ask you what you feed birds around your place. Stands out in your yard throwing bird seed like the birds are starving and he’s got a million bags.

The type to fight squirrels and chase them out of your yard or away from feeders because “It’s not FOR you!”

If you live somewhere more laid-back he’ll feel very restless. He’s drawn to bigger, busier places.

IMMEDIATELY asks you about restaurants and things to do (”What’cha got? What’s good? Anything fun around here?”)

Gets super frustrated by shows like Storage Wars but it eerily good at appraising the value of stuff at a glance. Often guesses the real value of the objects

Show him Antique Roadshow. He’ll LOSE. HIS. SHIT.

He’ll ask to go by places like pawn shops and jewelers to just look at the different things humans trade or want to save up for. Can probably get discounts on the stuff.

Bring this guy when shopping for jewelry. He has an innate gift for appraising and can see flaws. He knows when you’re being played.

Want to be a little mean? Get those chocolate treasure chest coins and give one to Beel first. Mammon might just have a heart attack.

Definitely goes on a rant about how making chocolate money is wrong. (”Why make a currency you can’t spend?!”)

Make the visit special by getting some type of matching jewelry--earrings, rings, necklaces--and he’ll wear it around.

Take him by pet stores where they’ll let the birds out of cages, he’ll make kissy noises and love on all of them. Will definitely try to smuggle one out.

He’ll spend whole days in parks when he realizes you can park it on a bench and feed birds. Birds that don’t always get food!

Don’t show him water fountains. He doesn’t get the concept of people tossing coins in and will definitely try to take them by posing as a cleaner or something

Taking him by a museum is a 50/50 gamble. He’s genuinely interested in the displays and setup but might try to steal something   

Do you have a way to watch The Road to El Dorado? Show it to Mammon. He’ll love it.

Leviathan

Unless you live by some cute cafes, comic book stores, or video game retailers he probably won’t do much on his visit

Do you have a pool? He changed his mind. Might gripe about the chlorine messing with his skin though.

If you only have access to a community pool he refuses to do anything with it

Take him to the beach if you live near one. He’ll ALWAYS go for ocean water!

Because the Devildom is the Devildom, I bet they don’t have Ghibli movies. Maybe they have knock-offs, or they’re considered rare because they’re human world related, but have a Ghibli marathon with him! He’ll love it! It won’t be Ruri-chan levels of love, but he’ll stan and want to buy some stuff

Can you make boba tea at home or swing by a coffee shop that makes a close substitute? Take him! He’ll like it! Levi may complain about it not being authentic but he’ll secretly appreciate it

He likes savory food and junk food so take him by a dollar store and get some cheap chips and sodas. It’ll be interesting to try. Maybe he can make a Deviltube video about trying human food!

Levi also strikes me as someone who would like nachos, so maybe grab him some nachos!

Do they know about the Doritos and Mountain Dew thing in the Devildom? He might want those. (”Look, I’m like the human gamers!”)

Levi runs a little colder than his brothers (by Devildom standards) so take him around to feel on blankets and maybe get one to take back to the Devildom.

Satan

Has a great love for books (obviously) and a great disdain for Devildom bookstores that charge an arm and a leg for human finds. TAKE HIM BY BOOKSTORES AND LET HIM LIVE IN HIS NATURAL ENVIRONMENT!

The type to bring an extra suitcase just for books

Is actually quite a homebody because he has no connections in the human world (besides you), so he’s fine to sit and read his new finds.

Do you have books at home? What are your favorites? He’ll read them, too, while he’s here

Show him some kind of crime channel or crime YouTuber and he’s 100% obsessed. Binges them like Netflix

Will wave you over and demand you sit, tangling your legs together as you lean back and speculate on who the murder is and what happens since most of those TV episodes are an hour long

Loves anything psychological-based. Wants to understand why people do things and how they work. Show things like Criminal Minds and Mind Games. He’ll be SUPER interested.

Do you have cats? You’ll see Satan whispering them and holding them against his shoulder. He’s in love and might be planning to steal your cat.

Taking him by animal shelters makes him a little sad but he’ll be glad to play with all the cats at one time.

Don’t tell him that, to most humans, Lucifer and Satan are the same figure in the Bible. He just might lose his shit.

Does your town have history/mystery tours? Take him! It’s a two-in-one and he loves it! History and culture, mystery and crime!

Show Satan Cinderella. He’ll get the BIGGEST laugh out of the cat being called Lucifer.

Asmodeus

Like Mammon, will ask you about aesthetic places and things to do

In a rare moment of not hating Mammon, the two will gossip at the jewelry stores and be really critical. Mammon stops Asmo from making bad purchases

Show him around some makeup stores! He’d LOVE to see human products!

If you take him by ANY store with clothes, he will look, pick, feel, analyze, and try things on for the hell of it. It will be an all-day thing

Human fashion takes off more than he expected on the Devilgram, so he’ll buy a few things.

When he realizes makeup stores give free makeovers, he’ll use that to his advantage. Especially by charming people

Goes on a small kick of charming people to get what he wants because Lucifer only ever told him he couldn’t do it to YOU. It’s a new level of fawning and attention and he eats it up

If he sees a cute Starbucks drink on TV, he wants it.

If you show him Pinterest or Instagram, he’s glued to a device and saving things.

By the time everyone goes back to the Devildom he has a tiny notebook full of ideas and details--ways to recreate it in the Devildom

Gets several modeling offers and you (or one of the bros) has to pull him away, It’s not happening.

Unexpectedly into unboxing videos and calligraphy. Lives for pretty hand writing and is fascinated by bullet journaling even though he’s too lazy to maintain one

Show him soap operas/dramas and celebrity entertainment channels. He won’t know what to believe.

If he sees shows like Jerry Springer, Maury, Jeremy Kyle, or Judge Judy he live-streams them like ‘can you believe what crazy things happen in the human world?!’

Beelzebub

The dollar store is his heaven! ALL THIS FOOD FOR A DOLLAR?!

I personally think that human food is less calorically dense so he’ll need to eat a lot. Take him by fast food places that have cheap dollar menus or five dollar deals

If you go to a restaurant with a ‘finish in ‘x’ amount of a minutes and it’s free!’ do it. He’ll set a record

Beel learns about all you can eat buffets and gives you puppy eyes until you take him to one. At least you’ll get your money’s worth!

Don’t take him by a real grocery store. He’ll bankrupt you. Or eat all the free samples.

He’s interested in cooking shows but if he watches them you’ll have to clean up a lot of drool, give him something to eat while he’s watching, or stop him from absently grabbing the closest thing and trying to eat it

Is super into renovation shows and technical shows where people work with their hands. It’s like sports of the mind.

Not as interested in watching American football because he’ll critique it too much. Any other sport, he’ll find it interesting and want to know how it works.

Show him old Olympic footage. He’s surprised at the variety of sports and will watch the whole thing

Will also enjoy Ghibli movies. How do they make food look like that?!

This boy is a Disney princess in a demon body. If he sees any critters while he’s out and about (ANY), he’ll want to try and feed it or pet it

Bugs are drawn to him. He especially likes caterpillars and butterflies.

Beel likes to hunt for ladybugs.

Likes to “donate” to ant hills and watch them work,

Likes to watch nature documentaries about different animals

If you take him to the zoo, he’ll marvel at the different animals. Wants to wrestle a tiger and the bigger animals to see if he’ll win. It looks “fun.”

Belphegor

When he hears about mattress stores, that’s his thing. That’s what he wants you to do together. Belphie will literally lay on as many mattresses as possible and judge them

He may not have a hard time sleeping as long as he has his favorite pillow, but, for kicks, show him ASMR. Beel’s not the only one who drools!

Will definitely fall asleep outside in the sun. Any place is a good place for a nap, and to look up and see clouds is special

Spend a night outside under the human sky. It’s constellations and things he only ever gets to see in the star room

Will watch just about anything on TV. He’ll say he doesn’t have a preference but he likes those happy, soft movies that have gentle endings where everything turns out okay. Actually cries a little.

If he learns what Snorlax is from Pokemon, he’ll want one. A big Snorlax plushy to cuddle and sleep on/with!

If he hears the word “demon” uttered on TV he’s instantly hooked. What stupid thing do these humans think? THAT’S their version of a demon?!

Can you take him to see real cows? He’d really like that.

The type to make flower chains in the grass because he’s bored. Gives his first one to Beel and falls asleep before he can make another one.

Loves milkshakes unironically. Will slink out of bed and come along on any errands/brother outings if he can get one out of you.

#Obey me! #Lucifer x Reader #Mammon x Reader #Levi x reader #Leviathan x Reader #Satan x Reader #Asmodeus x reader #Beelzebub x Reader #Belphegor x Reader

[witchesoz]

After Oz: Legends of Oz

I hesitated before doing this one, because this movie is mostly based on the book "Dorothy of Oz" by Roger S. Baum, and I haven't read said book. It is something that tends to get on my nerve, when people actually don't care about the original material an adaptation was based on, and consider the adaptation as its own entirely original piece of work, when in fact, a lot of it was taken from somebody's else work. I mean, the perfect exemple is Shining. Some people praise Kubrick for being a pure genius for inventing this story from A to Z, and consider Stephen's King television series a "poor attempt at a remake of the movie", when... you know, King originally wrote the Shining and Kubrick merely adapted it. In fact, people tend to forget most of Kubrick's movies were adaptation. Dr. Strangelove? Loosely based on "Red Alert". Lolita? Everyone knows it is Nabokov. A Clockwork Orange? Anthony Burgess. 2001: Space Odyssey? Inspired by shorts stories of Clarke, the co-author. Eyes Wide Shut? A 1920s German book, Traumnovelle. And so forth and so forth...

  Hum. Sorry for the rant. I just needed to explain why I always want to take in consideration the original material when tackling an adaptation.  But since I haven't read and can't get this book, I will mostly rely myself on the Wikipedia plot and other reviews I read. If you wonder, yes, Roger S. Baum is Baum's great-grandson (or great-great-grandson?), and he wrote "Dorothy of Oz" as a direct sequel to the first book, "The Wizard of Oz", ignoring all of the others, and... apparently he is not a really good writer. But anyway... I still decided to do a little something about this movie, because... well just because I wanted    Oh yeah, another thing... an elephant in the room I have to adress right now. I only discovered it this year, by doing research about the movie (because before I only saw it at the time of its released and then forgot about it). You can know it, or completely ignore it - yes, I know that this whole movie was the result of a huge scam that robbed hundreds of people out of their money, and that the case has been even brought to trial. But... well the movie is still here, people still saw it, it is still around, will be for still quite a long time, and it is now part of the Oz inheritance, that you want it or not. Anyway, a lot of Oz movies had a dark and troubled production. It seems almost like a pre-requisite: if you do an Oz movie, you'll never end happy. Maybe it is a curse? Who knows.

       So... let's get into the subject. Is "Dorothy's Return" a bad movie? (I'll use this name, because "Legends of Oz" was the name of the intended franchise of three, maybe ten movies). I wouldn't say so. A lot of people said it was crap, or worthless, but I wouldn't call it bad. People also said that it is a bland movie, and I would say yes - but only partially. I think a good lot of the extreme bad reactions were caused because of 1- people who just disliked the idea of more Oz adaptations, 2- people too old for this movie, because you have to remember that this is a movie aiming at children and 3- people who are hard-die fans of the MGM movie and not so much of the original Oz books. It may also play in account that Dorothy's Return was roughly released the same year, and played as a "rival" to "Oz the Great and Powerful".

    Now, note that it isn't a memorable movie (except for a few bits). It isn't an excellent movie. It isn't a cult classic (even though it may become it with the whole scam background, who knows?). It isn't something I would watch again and again with pleasure. It isn't something exceptionnal or groundbreaking, it is even quite generic. But, it has some good parts, and it manages to be entertaining, and honestly as a child I could have sit in front of it and watch it with no problem. Because, yes, it is a children movie. The action is rushed, the characters lack depth, some moments are too sugary-sweet or even cringy (for exemple the song "We'll work together". Seriously, I just looked away and sped up a bit because that was too sickening-sweet for me.) As a result, as a child movie they missed things that could have been really good (the old tree agreeing to be use for a boat, which is played straight up as him being killed, the characters even say so, but then it turns out he is still alive as a boat? You could have had a great, deep, fascinating almost philosophical moment, but you just waste it for a happy ending). Anyway, what was I saying? Yes, a children movie. As a result, some people called the movie "too simple". On the other side, people called the story "too confusing".

  To an Oz fan like me, it isn't actually confusing. It isn't at all - but indeed, for someone with a limited knowledge of Oz, it will be confusing. Because, while they base themselves on an Oz book that re-uses many elements from the books (the Queen of the Field Mices, the Sawhorse, the China Country...) it also decided to include a lot of elements from the MGM movie (the Wicked Witch of the West is the one from the MGM, Glinda is also quasi-identical from her MGM counterpart, the Winged Monkeys work with the evil people...). As a result, yeah, it may be confusing. But the inclusion of the MGM elements actually managed to correct some flaws of the original story. For exemple, in Roger S Baum's book, the Jester was merely a normal jester possessed by the ghost of the Wicked Witch of the West, through her magic wand. Wait, magic wand? There wasn't any magic wand mentionned in the original book! But in the movie, to use the broomstick of the Wicked Witch makes much more sense.

      I'll take a short time here to comment on the character of the Jester, who is, I think, the highest point of this movie. He is a good villain. A cliché but interesting backstory cashing on the idea of Oz vilains as siblings, a clear shout-out to the Joker which isn't so bad, interesting plans. He is also the provider of many nightmarish elements (the fate of Dorothy's companions, which I think was a very good idea, or the people turning into puppets and being used for a creepy dance) that made this Oz movie feel... well Ozian. Because a good Oz work is a work that will traumatize your kids! I guess a bit part of why the Jester works so well is that he basically repeats and remakes all his sister, the Wicked Witch, did in the MGM movie, and let's be honest, she was a great villain. (And this again makes sense when you remember the Jester is originally supposed to be possessed by the Witch's ghost). But at the same time he has his distinctive signature and style, with his Jester persona, his circus-related punishment and his personal plots to conquer Oz. [People noticed obviously the sweet irony of things in this movie. You have a double-character that, on the Earth world is a cheater and criminal trying to steal people of their houses and using several fake identities, while in Oz it is a villain that turns people into puppets he can manipulate and relies mostly on cheating and misleading Dorothy to her doom. Which is eerily similar to what the creators of the movie/franchise did with their financers and investors.]

  Talking about the Earth side... The whole "earthly" parts are all bland and not memorable. Just like Dorothy, who isn't really... anything to be honest. The songs sung aren't memorable either. All of that is a fail. A lot of people also considered the Earthly animation uncanny, or even disturbing, but I personally wasn't bugged by it at all. I saw much more uncanny animation.

    When it comes to the Oz part, I actually think they managed to create a perfect "Ozian story". As in, the general schema of the girl entering in Oz through an uncommon mean (here a people-eating rainbow, that I have to say was quite a scary scene to look at), then passing through many small kingdoms, meeting new friends, forming a team, discovering the villain and fighting him off - this plot was repeated by Baum times and times and times again, and probably comes from the original novel Dorothy of Oz. But it still works, as simple as it can be. Plus, the use of the China Country and the Candy County (I think its their name?) was quite a good choice. The China Country was one of Baum's earliest invention, while the Candy County (originating from the Roger S Baum book) is eerily similar to the Bunbury village, an invention of Baum, inhabited by living baked goods that also get angry at the protagonists for trying to eating them. Yes, all in all, the characters feel really Ozian. As for the other member of the team, "Wiser the Owl". Well... he had the potential to feel an interesting and Baum-ian character. But it falls flat because he just becomes one living fat joke. I mean, fat jokes can be funny. But when the character is mostly the joke itself well... yeah, not really working. He had a much interesting role in the prequel comic book.  

   Because yes, there is a comic book associated with this movie! As I said before, originally the project was to create a franchise of several movies, with toys, goodies, applications and video games. (Or at least that was the project the scam used). The comic is however found under the original title for the movie "Dorothy of Oz". I don't have much to say about it, outside that is was quite pleasing (even though it sometimes doesn't make sense when put in direct relationship to the movie), and that it introduced one interesting idea: that the magic of the broomstick/Witch relied mostly on manipulating the weather and nature. The Jester causes a flood to destroy the Munchkin town, he causes an earthquake to break the China Country, he uses heatwaves to melt the Candy County... And another interesting point, the role of Wiser. Indeed, in the movie he is presented as a "motor-mouth" that keeps talking about everything, knows a lot of stuff and has the tendency to finish other people's sentences. But it gets quickly overshadowed by the fat jokes (cause a big part of his character is that he used to be able to fly but now, because of his love for candy, he is too fat to fly). However, in the comic book he has rather the role of the one voice of reason and intelligence that offers down-to-earth, simple solutions to problems where the other Ozians search for more extravagant and magical possibilities. Exemple (SPOILERS: when trying to create a rainbow, the team searches everywhere, thinks of asking witches, wizards and candy makers. Wiser has to remind them that anybody can create a rainbow with just a good crystal and some light. SPOILER ENDING.)  

   (I actually read the comic book before looking at the movie, which may explain why I consider it better than the movie.) To return to my opinion on the movie... Not the greatest Oz movie, but certainly not the worst. Average, but on the good side. Entertaining and interesting, even though bland and generic. They got the feeling of an Oz story but they just didn't found a way to freshen up or make the story shine on its own. A good villain for a heroine easy to forget. Simple. Ideal for children, or to kill time, or just to inspire one for more Oz work.

#oz #review #after oz #opinion #animated movie #legends of oz #dorothy's return #legends of oz dorothy's return

[thenightling]

The Dreaming: waking Hours issue 11 review

Okay, there’s a  lot to unpack here.   First the good.

Daniel was actually portrayed as competent and compassionate. Hurray! 

Too bad those sparks of intelligence from Daniel don’t seem to last very long when he’s not being written by Neil.  

 Also I was right that Heather is trans and that was not treated as a major plot point.   More on that later.

Though I have to wonder, with all her power, why she transitioned medically instead of magically.  I imagine if she used magick to transition she wouldn't need permanent hormone medication.  I know it helps to represent the real trans condition but sometimes you want a little convenient magical escapism of making it easier. 

Now for the picking apart / bad stuff.   

Though G. Willow Wilson is well-versed in faery lore enough to know the rules about true names and concepts like The Unseelie I am afraid she mishandles them a bit.   For example she treats the Unseelie like this one specific faceless type of fae instead of an entire fae court of dark fae that usually entails goblins, trolls, drow, imps, etc.  

She also doesn’t seem to know that in most depictions of Oberon and Titania they were nonchalant and very familiar with each other’s infidelities.   Oberon should not have been surprised (especially this far into things) that Titania slept with Morpheus.  

Titania all but bluntly spelt it out at The Wake.  I am fairly certain Oberon was there.  Where was he when she spoke?  Drinking in the back?

In some faery lore Nuala was Oberon’s lover.  I had figured that was the reason Titania saw to it she was given as a gift to Morpheus.  It was both a means to possibly get rid of her or if Morpheus didn’t accept the gift (she must have known his anti-slavery stance) it would have given a justifiable excuse for the Fae to go to war with The Dreaming and potentially lay claim to the key to Hell in Season of Mists.   

Even Disney’s Gargoyles acknowledged this aspect of their character dynamic. When Oberon learned that Titania had a half-human child in the episode The Gathering Part 1 of Disney’s Gargoyles his response was (while grinning and chuckling) “Mother?!  Titania, what HAVE you been up to?”  

In the Shakespeare play, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, it was pretty clear that Oberon wanted Titania to sleep with Bottom while he had an ass’s head (blatant metaphor) as a means to humiliate her. 

Moving on.

Yes, I was right that Heather is trans.  I am very glad it was not a major plot point before now.  However, the way her “True name” was handled wasn’t as good as I had hoped.  I had hoped that the fact that she chose the name Heather After that this has become her true name.  But the implication here is her deadname could have been used as her true name.  That bothers me.

I always figured true names (the name that can be used to summon and bind a magick user or supernatural creature) didn’t necessarily have to be the name you had at birth.  For example Vlad III of Wallachia is more well known as Drakulya (Dracula), the name he chose for himself as a patronymic homage to his father and so got used as his own house name.

In the 1985 Fright Night the character of Peter Vincent at first said “That isn’t even my real name.” But after he undergoes considerable character growth and puts protecting others before his own fear he starts saying “I AM Peter Vincent, the great vampire killer!”  The persona became his true name. 

True names are NOT necessarily the name you had at birth.  This is part of why I feel the previous aspect of Dream may have Morpheus as as close to a true name as he’s got.  That’s why he’s credited as Lord Morpheus instead of Dream in The Sandman audio drama and calling out to him by the name Morpheus is how he came to rescue Rose from Funland in The Sandman: The Doll’s House.

 So anyway, I’m conflicted about this scene in The Dreaming: Waking Hours.  I’m glad the deadname didn’t work as the true name but I would have felt better of Heather had become her true name.  That would have, in my opinion, been more satisfying than “There’s no such thing as a true name.”

Something else that bugged me... All the ham-handed anti-monarchy commentary.  In real life monarchies are not great buuut we’re talking about the faerie court here. They’re not human.  Can you even imagine what the goblins would vote for if they had a democracy?   “Okay, that’s 97% in favor of abducting every infant in Manhattan.  And 3% wrote in ‘Chilli dogs.’  I didn’t know they could spell...”

It’s become a little embarrassing to me how every fantasy written by Americans has become anti-monarchy. Disney’s Descendants, Once Upon a time’s finale (they voted...), Game of Thrones’ ending, because having any sort of vote in a world that never had any before would totally work out well at that point in their culture....  Even on Tumblr I came across someone who thought they could “fix” the “Dumpster fire” that is Nightmare before Christmas by having the mayor strip Jack Skellington of his Pumpkin King title as punishment for what he did to Christmas since “You can’t learn your lesson if you do wrong without punishment.”    Frankly, I’m tired of the anti-monarchy stuff where it doesn’t actually work.  

And the deliberately weak argument written for Titania of “But I’m Beautiful and Ancient!”   Also what’s with the weird almost-fetishism that she’s still wearing those manacle cuffs? Why didn’t Oberon or even Nuala take those off of her yet since they’re working together?  

This is interesting because right here in the final page Heather quotes the very spell that invoked Morpheus.  I have been mentally conditioned that every time I see black talk bubbles with white text in a Sandman universe comic my first thought is “Morpheus?” even though we have already seen it used for other characters in things like the Dan Watters run of Lucifer.

But the combination of quoting the invocation spell that trapped Morpheus, the talk bubble, and the golden thread (that resembles Morpheus’ life thread) has me intrigued and I don’t want to get my hopes up at the possibilities. 

And still, for all my nitpicking, this IS the best version of The Dreaming to date. 

I love Heather.  I think she’s very well written.  She’s the best original character of any Sandman spin-off.  I just think the anti-monarchy ranting is very misplaced in the realm of Faerie.   Think of what their parliament would consist of.   It’s like the minion of Jadis, The White Witch from Chronicles of Narnia, combined with the goblin muppets from Labyrinth, and the fae from Lost Girl combined.  

#The Dreaming #The Dreaming: Waking Hours #The Sandman Universe

[lovelyirony]

Fic title meme : pulvis et umbra sumus (We Are Dust And Shadows)

On every single document, including the ones that show what actually happened to Howard and Maria Stark, Tony Stark is listed as dead among them. 

He is not. 

But in not calling in the accident on the abandoned road, Tony managed to find someone else to take his place and escaped. 

Tony Stark is dead. A whole family funeral and everything. Obadiah pretends to cry. Tony is at the funeral with shitty dye in his hair and sunglasses that he wouldn’t be caught dead wearing. Ha. 

The funeral is closed casket. All their faces are rumored to be impossible to fix with make-up. 

He makes new documents. Anthony Jarvis, from Boston. Airtight background. Likes puzzles. Scored damn high on the SAT, but not the perfect score. 

(Killed him to answer some of those questions wrong, seriously.) 

Anthony Jarvis goes to MIT and requests a single room. He gets one for one semester, and then the room next to his burns and destroys his as well. So he gets moved to Jim Rhodes’. 

Jim becomes Rhodey, and he is the first friend of Anthony Jarvis, and nicknames him Tony. 

He grins at that. 

There are plenty of times that Tony wants to tell him. The thing about secrets is that they need to be shared. No one really wants a secret, nor do they want to keep it. But he keeps his mouth shut and asks if he wants to go for Thai food. 

“This is the third time this week.” 

“Not my fault it’s good! I’ll pay...” 

“Sign me up.” 

Tony and Rhodey gets Thai food. It’s good. 

Rhodey lets him in on a secret that Tony had actually known about since his room assignment. 

(You remember that guy’s room that caught on fire? Yeah, he swore that his microwave hadn’t been on, and nothing had been plugged in. He was right. But Tony needed an accident.) 

In other circumstances, Rhodey would have ignored the offer that he had. He had had his heart set on Air Force. But there was something about the man who talked to him. 

“It’s a place called Strategic-Homeland-something I can’t remember,” Rhodey says. “Point is, they’re a big deal and kind of shady, but not in the government shady kind of way. The only thing I can find out about them is that they’re an international company who need engineers, pilots, and basically anyone like you and me. I don’t know how I feel about it.” 

Tony nods. 

“You want me in on this?” 

“I mean, you did tell me a couple of weeks ago that you weren’t sure what you wanted to do after graduation.” 

(It was two weeks, three days, and fourteen hours ago. Not like he was counting.) 

“...thanks. I’ll check it out with you.” 

Anthony Jarvis shows up in a nice suit, stupid sunglasses, and impresses the higher-ups by diagnosing a problem with the engine that others had previously marked as “impossible.” 

He’s hired on the spot, same as Rhodey. 

Tony Jarvis gets his own keycard, finds an apartment in New York that’s within at least biking distance, and gets started on inventing some cute little toys for the spies in Research and Development. 

He brings the laser-lipstick to life, poison-drop-earrings, spyglasses that actually work and have HD, and briefcases that use mirroring technology to change color. 

“How did you do this?” Rhodey asks, eyes wide. “I swear this is unreal.” 

“Aw,” Tony says. “You sap. I got some inspiration from some old comic book ads. I think I’m gonna try a ring decoder next, what do you think?” 

“Almost makes me want to go on missions instead of flying them.” 

Tony Jarvis is known for working odd yet long hours. He comes up with results. And he keeps his head down and minds his own business. 

This is all to find out exactly who killed his parents. As much as his and Howard’s relationship was...interesting, he still wanted to know. 

His desire to know the truth leads to somewhere he hadn’t thought was possible: Hydra. 

His hands freeze as he looks at the paper file with thick, black lines all over. The information there was sparse. Howard, Maria, and Anthony Stark all died. It was ruled: 

And there’s nothing there. 

It wasn’t an accident. Sure he knew that, but there was something far more sinister at play. Why wasn’t it an accident? 

- 

He gets Alexander Pierce in his apartment with a man in the corner. His arm gleams in what little light from the lamps outside give off. 

“Why are you searching for the Stark files?” He asks. 

“Why didn’t you just schedule a meeting? I’m available tomorrow at three,” Tony jokes. “Who’s your friend here?” 

“Someone you wouldn’t want to shake hands with,” Pierce answers. “You need to stop looking into this before you find yourself in a situation you don’t want to be in.” 

“And if I don’t?” 

“Accidents will happen,” Pierce says. He gets up from the table, to the counter. Gets out a glass. And makes himself water. He smiles as he looks to the man in the corner. “Do you want any water, Winter Soldier?” 

Winter Soldier remains impassive. 

Tony stills. 

“So, the legends are true. And Hydra is still around.” 

“And if you aren’t careful, you won’t be,” Pierce says. “Don’t bring any of this up. Or this won’t be the last time you see Winter Soldier. I know your moves, Jarvis. Don’t think you can surprise me.” 

They exit the apartment. Tony realizes that Pierce took his glass. 

And he laughs. 

Because this? Not according to plan, but god he’s gonna have fun with it.  

It starts with telling Rhodey who he actually is. 

It does not go as planned. 

“So let me get this straight. I’ve known you for years and you just. Never told me?” Rhodey asks. “Why not?” 

“To be completely fair, no one knows besides a man in Wisconsin, and he’s from Wisconsin,” Tony says. “Also I was drunk. Drunk me is a terrible person who would sell me for a buffalo nickel.” 

“I’m still mad, even if that’s funny,” Rhodey says, trying not to smile. “So. Why tell me now? I’m assuming you need something.” 

“I would like your help,” Tony says. “It is not required but I am toppling a secret organization living in SHIELD and I think if I get your help, I will most likely not get fired by the end of this. Fury likes you, he hates me.” 

“False, he mildly tolerates you. You’ll be fine. Probably. Who else should we get to help?” 

Tony had originally planned for no one. 

But then there was Pepper Potts. 

She had been deemed by the media as “crazy” for accusing Obadiah Stane, longtime-CEO of Stark Industries, as ordering a hit out on the Stark family. 

She had been booted from the company--anticipated--and then Hydra had ordered a hit on her. 

Slightly unexpected. 

Point is, Rhodey brings her into the apartment and tells Tony casually that the grocery store had run out of his usual hummus brand, was the generic okay? 

“That’s like asking if I’m okay with blue pens,” Tony curses. “Also, is that Pepper Potts? Why is she here? Did you run into her at the grocery store?” 

“No, as I was coming back. Did you know that she has a hit out on her? Fun times.” 

“Oh my god, will someone explain to me what’s going on here?!” Pepper seethes. “I was just trying to get my yogurt without anyone taking a picture of me and some random fucking guy had a knife thrown at me and then this guy took me to your house!” 

She then rants for ten minutes about the “questionable design choices going on in this establishment, who honestly thinks shot glasses are a decoration?!” 

“Are you done?” Tony asks. “Because if you want to help with a conspiracy plot, you need to be done.” 

She is. 

Pepper does not get a job with SHIELD. In fact, she mainly just decides to take care of the redecoration in Tony’s apartment. 

“You will be paying me for this.” 

“Why would I do that? You’re using my money to buy everything. You’re living here rent free for now.” 

“Because I’m helping you make better life choices. I also want new shoes.” 

What Pepper does is provide very valuable access to Stark Industries: she knows the ins and outs, what employees do and don’t do, and also is very helpful in telling Tony what he needs to do when he takes the company over. 

“Who said I was going to take it over?” 

“Me,” Pepper says. “Also because I reviewed every single old document and the company was specified to go to next-of-kin. You are. And you’re not dead.” 

“My death certificate is literally framed,” Tony says, pointing to his graduation photo that Rhodey took. He had swapped out his official diploma with it as a joke. No one had seen it. He thought it was hilarious. 

“Yeah, but they can do DNA testing,” Pepper says. “This is like the twenty-first century Anastasia except this time they don’t find you with metal detectors!” 

“I don’t like that you know that story as well as you do,” Rhodey says. “But I’ll leave you a credit card for furniture and groceries. If you get rid of my drinks in the fridge I’m literally never forgiving you.” 

“Noted, and I don’t need forgiveness,” Pepper says. “But they’ll stay there.” 

So begins the plot. 

Pierce doesn’t know three things, which is a lot of things not to know: 

1.) Tony Jarvis is not Tony Jarvis. 

2.) Rhodey actually likes Tony and most of the time him saying that he would “kill Tony in a variety of ways, starting with sporks and moving forward...” is mostly (mostly) a joke. 

3.) Pepper Potts resides in their apartment and is having fun telling Tony she bought new silverware. 

“Why did you buy new silverware! It was fine!” 

“I recognized all of these forks and knives from restaurants. Why did you steal them from restaurants?” 

“They can replace them!” 

“Don’t. Anyways now your spoons match and you don’t have the shitty ones from different places. Also I painted the bathroom.” 

“My landlord is gonna kill me.” 

“I made her cookies and discovered that she likes going to concerts. You’ll be fine.” 

(Pepper is a goddess. You can’t convince them otherwise.) 

Pierce doesn’t know any of this, but he still holds a key piece of blackmail: Tony Jarvis shouldn’t know about Hydra, and he’ll do anything to make sure that he doesn’t lose his job. 

Tony has been recording their conversations for weeks. 

(Pierce thinks he doesn’t design things to get around the available technology. Pathetic.) 

He also has bugged Pierce as well as his house, and figures out that Winter Soldier is going to be on assignment within the DC area in an effort to kill some higher-up on the foodchain that was SHIELD. 

Well. 

Tony has always wanted to go and see the cherry blossoms a little more up close. 

Pepper, of course, doesn’t like that they left his boots on. 

“This couch is new and red,” she says. “Take off his boots!” 

“He is unconscious and probably won’t be in the next fifteen minutes,” Rhodey says. “We are not touching him and possibly shortening that fifteen minutes.” 

Winter Soldier wakes up to three faces staring at him. 

“Mission failed?” he asks, voice robotic. 

“Nope, you just got a new one,” says the man on the right. He is wearing a t-shirt. Winter Soldier thinks that in this situation, a t-shirt is not the best option. 

(Of course, he’s not supposed to think. But they don’t have to know that.” 

“Can you take your shoes off?” says the woman in the middle. “Please. You’re getting germs on the couch.” 

He’s confused. 

“Who am I killing?” 

“No one, yet,” says the man on the left. “Do you know who you are?” 

“Winter Soldier.” 

“No, like a name? I’m assuming you’ve had a name at some point.” 

“Someone has called me Mr. Freeze before.” 

The man on the left snorts. Man on the right taps his arm lightly. 

“Well, um, okay then. How do you feel about the name...aw shit. I can’t think of a name for you when your mask is on. Can you take the mask off?” 

He takes it off. It’s nicer to breathe. 

The man in the t-shirt pauses. 

“Okay. So your name is Bucky Barnes. Do you know that name?” 

Something clicked. But he doesn’t know what. 

“Sounds...familiar.” 

“Cool! So that’s your name now, do me a favor and don’t google it. I’m Tony, this is Rhodey, and this is Pepper. If you don’t take your shoes off, you’re going to be scared of her.” 

Newly-named-Bucky highly doubts that he will be scared of Pepper because she is built like a twig and she is wearing high heels. 

(He is wrong about ten minutes later when she forcibly throws a fork at him.) 

“Why am I here?” he asks. “Should I be checking back in with Handler Pierce?” 

“No,” comes the consensus from everyone else in the room. 

“Technically, he thinks you went rogue and went back to Russia. He’s organizing a team to go get you. We hired an actor to play you. It’s been entertaining. He got some plums. Do you like plums?” 

“Why is that relevant?” 

“It’s vapid and not interesting at all, Tony loves questions like that,” Rhodey says. “Now come on. We need to get you actual shirts. Also some body wash.” 

Bucky Barnes learns how to be a person. He stares at himself in the mirror for an hour and smiles slightly when Pepper calls him “vain” and pushes him aside to grab her hairbrush. 

He then learns that Hydra is trying to overtake SHIELD and they have a slight window with Pierce out. 

This involves two things: 

1.) Tony Stark coming back from the dead. 

2.) SHIELD panicking that they didn’t know this secret and taking another look at the paperwork, in which case Hydra will be found out. 

These are both easier than anticipated. Tony can act like a showman better than anyone, and has been carefully growing a goatee that is eerily reminiscent of his late father’s. Of course he’s had to switch it up. 

The media is going crazy. SHIELD as well. They’re scrambling to find paperwork that proves that it happened, and they find that the “accident” was no accident. That Howard hadn’t been working for the “enemy” at the time. 

The enemy was in the building, and they had blended in seamlessly. 

This all happens on a Wednesday, by the way. Pepper has it marked on the calendar and everything. Rhodey made his coffee. 

Bucky is busy slamming people into drywall and listening for any word from Rhodey, who is also slamming people into drywall. 

“You know, you’d think we’d get something like a suit of armor for this,” Rhodey pants out, slamming another guy out of his way. 

Bucky nods. 

“Best I can offer is a grenade.” 

“Where in the fuck did you get a grenade?!” 

“Supply closet. Second floor. What, you didn’t check?” 

“No sorry must’ve missed it--of course I didn’t fucking check the second floor closet!” Rhodey yells. 

Bucky says he’s stressed. He should calm himself. 

Rhodey chucks a particularly nasty Hydra agent out a window. 

(Bucky thinks Rhodey is probably the coolest person he’ll ever meet.) 

Tony is fashionably late to the take-down of the century. He’s already foiled a lot of plans, and taken a key-card for Project Insight to work. 

He waltzes in and nearly gets hit by a mug. 

“So, how’s the party going?” he yells over to Pepper. Pepper is still in her heels. She looks like a goddess still, as usual. It is a Wednesday, after all. 

“As fine as it can be,” Pepper says. “We’ve met some resistance. With Pierce gone there’s little infrastructure. You got his plane delayed, correct?” 

“Even better. Got it sent to London. Motherfucker is gonna be there for a while,” Tony says. “Also may or may not have said that he was a threat. SHIELD branch there will investigate, find out some questionable things in his file that he will swear up and down were never there.” 

“Good,” Pepper says. She launches a stapler at someone’s head. “Do you think we’ll have time to pick up takeout for dinner?” 

“Depends on whether or not Deputy Director Hill is Hydra.” 

They see Maria Hill pass by in a blur, yelling as she jumps onto a man and sends him crashing down over a railing. 

“Lovely, she isn’t!” Pepper cheers. “By the way, I was thinking about redoing our kitchen.” 

“‘Our’ kitchen?” Tony says, ducking a bullet and drawing out his personal lipstick-laser, firing it with expert precision. “I told you the living situation was temporary.” 

“Oh please, you have an extra room.” 

“Which was an office!” Tony tells her. 

“Like you can’t have your office at Stark Industries,” Pepper says. “I expect to hear how the reveal went over dinner. Also, please hire me back. I don’t wanna be your interior decorator for forever.” 

“Neither do I, you like modern art. Disgusting.” 

And so the fighting resumes. 

It is done by five-thirty-two, with an official surrender from Pierce. 

“Thank god, I already ordered Chinese and they said it’d be here at six,” Rhodey says. 

They all sit on the red couch. 

Shoes on. 

Tony tips four hundred percent. 

-

“So what are we doing tomorrow?” Rhodey asks. 

“I am not moving for six hours,” Bucky answers. “Also maybe getting a library card.” 

“This is the first thing you want out of the icebox? A library card?” Tony asks, laughing. 

Pepper laughs. 

“I have errands to run. You can come with me and we’ll swing by.” 

“What are the errands?” 

“Getting a kitchen mixer and also making sure that my plates match my napkins.” 

“A travesty if it doesn’t happen,” Rhodey deadpans. “Pass the lo mein, Tony. You’re hogging it.” 

“I had to fight on a Wednesday and run,” Tony says. “Today isn’t cardio day.” 

“Literally hate it when you speak,” Rhodey says. “Absolutely abhor your language.” 

They go to bed, although it’s more of laying on the floor. 

Sure, Tony will have to deal with retaking a business that he knows a bit less about and Pepper will have to be trained (again) and also fight against being made CEO (but she won’t fight much). Rhodey will get a new job with SI because it’s not like Tony will let him work at SHIELD (Rhodey tries, Tony will get him fired at some point). Bucky just...he needs to get a bit more than a library card. 

But that’s for tomorrow. 

#BUCKLE IN BOYS WE GOT A LONGGGGGG ONE #bucky barnes #tony stark #rhodey #pepper potts #yes this took all day yes i didn't proofread it #but i love this so much #lovelyirony writes

[hazbincalifornia]

Yeah, yeah, more Stolas/Blitzo analysis. I want as comprehensive an understanding of their relationship as possible as I write the fic so the growth comes out of where they actually are in canon at the moment. This time it’s about the phone call in the pilot because Blitz is in a less freaked out place there than he was in Murder Family and thus it’s a better sort of ‘ground zero’, but there’s also a comparison of the two calls to see what may have changed (or stayed the same) in the transition between pilot and show. It’s capped off with how they might get to somewhere better in the future, since it’s pretty clear that they’re going to be A Thing.

Note that this isn’t in any way ship-bashing, I personally hope that they do get some development on-show and think that they’re a compelling ship.

His expression combined with ‘So, what can I do you for this time, Stolas?’ (on top of Loona’s comment about Stolas being clingy and sounding DTF-y and Blitzo snapping at her) heavily implies that this kind of call happens fairly often. (On insta, both Stolas and Blitzo have mentioned calls like it being regular, to the point of being incorporated into Blitzo’s schedule.) The strained smile and the fact that he was putting it off... even if he may play a bit dumb, he 100% knows the power Stolas’s got over him and probably the potential consequences if he isn’t at least somewhat pleasant.

With the first comment about the political candidate on Earth, I’m guessing (I don’t know if this is still a thing carried over to the main series) sometimes Stolas just sends IMP to do dirty work that he’s supposed to be doing because they have the book and it was part of the initial deal to let them keep it. 

‘Okay, well, yeah, that makes sense.‘ He’s semi-bored but again is affirming Stolas. He’s probably used to hearing Stolas mentioning stuff like being lonely.

Realization when Stolas mentions ‘You know what happens when i’m lonely?’

‘Oh, God fucking dammit.‘ Yep, this is definitely going where he hoped it wouldn’t- if he was lucky, today’s call would just be Stolas asking him for a murder-favor or something, but nope, the guy’s going to just be really, really horny at him again. This isn’t an unusual occurrence but he’s got to put up with it.

This was what really sealed it for me as not just irritation- he makes this expression for a full ten seconds. I counted. And with how he feeds the phone-smoothie to Loona, he’s trying to get out his aggression at the situation in any way that he can.

I get that snapping the phone in half and blending it up is a comic exaggeration, but let’s take this whole exchange as flatly as possible:

There’s a person who owes his livelihood to being able to borrow a magic book from someone much richer and more powerful than he is. He has to repeatedly take calls from that powerful person that sometimes asks him to complete jobs that are already in his line of work, in exchange for the book since it’s needed to complete them. That can be considered somewhat of a fair trade. However, sometimes the calls devolve into sudden and extremely graphic sexual talk, something that clearly upsets the person a fair amount. He has to deal with this on a fairly regular basis in order to keep both his business afloat and himself from getting squashed like a bug if the word gets out to the wrong people that this whole affair is illegal and I doubt Hell plays nice with second chances when it comes to something like this.

Blitzo definitely knows he’s between a rock and a hard place here. He knows he’s got some wiggle room- he did end the call in the middle of Stolas ranting after all- but he can’t pull away entirely without risking everything and the sexual harassment is just par for the course when it comes to dealing with Stolas.

The call in Murder Family brought a new layer to this. It’s possible that Blitzo generally tries to be polite to Stolas but he was just really, really stressed- and even then, the worst he says is that this is a really bad time and he’s trying to not get fucked up at the moment. He snaps back ‘what did you call me?’ and that’s fairly accusatory, but consider how he talks to Moxxie vs how he’s talking to Stolas.

Stolas’s little cooed ‘When isn’t it a bad time, Blitzy?’ does some work of its own- it’s got that air of this being a thing that happens regularly enough that Stolas feels comfortable teasing Blitzo on the fact that he’s heard his excuses for not answering a call from him, and uses a nickname to show familiarity right off the bat. He expects Blitzo, to some degree, to drop everything for him. The point is, obviously, to establish this relationship to anyone who didn’t see the pilot, and Blitzo’s annoyance the whole call has the same feeling of ‘this is a regular occurrence and I just have to put up with it’. There’s the leveraging of the book for sex made even more explicit, and Blitzo just kind of agrees, probably only half-listening because he’s heard this all before and he’s got other concerns at the moment. The line delivery cements this.

‘Fine, whatever!’

His expression is definitely still uncomfortable when Stolas slips to the horny talk, even though it’s a little subtler this time, and his breathing is animated in a way that shows he’s still in panic mode.

He still actively grimaces and briefly glances at the phone before telling himself to shake it off and focus on the problem. I note that he doesn’t mute the call despite there being way more reason to here- maybe something shifted between pilot and episode 1 that he’s not supposed to do that?

There’s also the fact that Stolas is apparently willing to go on his horny rant completely undeterred by the fact that Blitzo isn’t responding at all. He isn’t even near the phone after the first minute or so, but he’s still clearly talking when Moxxie heads back to the house later. It can’t have been less than ten to fifteen minutes of radio silence from Blitzo and he’s still going. Blitzo’s participation isn’t necessarily needed here, and I don’t doubt there’s times where Blitzo just leaves the phone on and does other work in his office until Stolas burns himself out. 

There’s a lot of subtle ways they used to make it clear that this is noooooot something Blitzo’s really that comfortable with.

Of course he was the one to start it by sleeping with the guy in the first place to get access to the book, which was a colossally stupid move (the hell did he think was going to happen when Stolas found it missing?) but it’s evolved into something beyond his control. He’s not great at conceptualizing consequences, I don’t think, and this is one he’s stuck with.

From how the instagram accounts behave, it seems pretty likely that they’re endgame, and I’m fascinated to keep watching and see how the relationship develops both of them as characters. It seems the biggest barriers here are both communication (Stolas seems to talk at Blitzo more than with him) and the fact that Blitzo doesn’t have much of a choice in having this relationship with Stolas.

If they were given a chance to bond on more even ground... well, Blitzo chases after Millie and Moxxie and their healthy relationship, he clearly wants something like that, but what Stolas is offering right now is leaned way too heavily on sex and seeing him as a singularly sexual object. Stolas clearly loves his daughter and can have a healthy relationship based off of that, it’s just a matter of actually listening to what Blitzo says and not forcing himself on him.

I don’t doubt that at some point, Stolas is going to have to confront that when Blitzo ends up having enough and blowing up at him.

I know, this is a lot of words for a comedy series, but the fact that in both calls, Blitzo is clearly and viscerally uncomfortable makes me pretty certain that they’re going to do something with this. If it was just ‘haha that dude’s horny’ they wouldn’t have played it the way that they did, Blitzo would have just been more annoyed and it would have ended at the ‘god fucking dammit’ in the pilot and Stolas wouldn’t have made Blitzo agree to full-moon meetings. That’s, again, specific, and one episode will probably address it again.

#helluva boss #shadow says stuff #I feel like I should tag analysis posts somehow #hmm #shadow's analysis #eh that works #hb #I mean the fact that I'm currently writing a fic where they have a child says I like it lmao #honestly kinda wish I'd done this BEFORE writing the first couple chapters but ah well #I think they still mostly work