#ive never been good at waiting

[heartorbit]

we get a little silly

#project sekai #pjsk #proseka #emu otori #prsk #i was SO sleepy yesterday after class i couldnt draw or sketch so i blocked this out of color very silly style #i love drawing like that and other artists make it look so good i'm not great at it but its fun from time to time. she silly! #nenes cardigan patch is a seashell bc i didnt know how to draw robot head. soz. #i will never miss emu heart hair strand. believe it. #my first class was late in the evening + ive been jumping around on all of my comms so i havent drawn mych personal. i sleepy #my semester staarted yesterday so my biweekly posts will become um maybe monthly who knows. more like whenever i wnat which is what i do rn #if youre reading this i wuv you. #the early birthday emu.. but she will get more. just u waits.

[httpiastri]

biggest congrats on your birthday ollie, i have a feeling this year will be good to you <33

#wish i had something more properly planned for today like a fic or something but #ive been embarrassingly unproductive recently #just a lot going on in life #but i dug out these gifs from my gallery from jeddah shsjdsh enjoy i guess lol #anyways whenever i think of ollie these days im just so……. #the pride never goes away huh? #there are ppl here who have followed him for way more years than i have but #after liking him since 2022 and seeing him debut in 2024…. and have that good of a debut #crazy feeling #cant wait wait to see more of our youngsters making their way up 🥺 #idk why i accidentally wrote wait two times there welp #hope he has a lovely birthday 💘💘 #he deserves the world doesn't he? #f1 #f2 #ollie bearman #oliver bearman #formula 2 #formula two #prema racing

[ribbononline]

New fic by @silverjirachi out wahoo wahoo! Go support it!!

#my fic commentary remains impeccable <3 (gnawing) #more quick fanfic doobles its more likely then you think >:] #also going through an art style crisis atm dont worry abt it KJHKJSDF #anyways. big fan of spinda that was my fav mon as a bit as a kid. also worried abt spinda considering it was never mentioned in the sequel #please be alive out there buddy #good excuse to draw younger them again :] prequel fics always fun #curious to see where it will go!! also specifically what the end point will be :3c #is it the archie running away in the night plotpoint or. #like courtney has very much alluded to things after that in th already existing sequel fic will we get to see #or will those things be tackled in the last part of the trilogy hmhmm #i like thinking abt fanfics. i like how everyone in the fandom has such different takes on the characters #allows me to take them and put them in scenarios its like free aus for days to play w #<making up so many endings and plotthreads up in my head to every fic i get my grubby hands on #rotating them around like theyre in a microwave #oh back on track i do not remember if the devil and the dead sea ever mentioned eye color of either of them so i just fuckin winged it #perhaps they are inaccurate if so Uhm. Apologies #now we patiently wait for the chapter releases. spinning really hard #TWO fics ive been excited for updating again after a good forever tis a good month

[skunkes]

beginning to understand the power of a traditional sketchbook

#talkys #i wish there was more time in the day to scribble in it for hours #i also wish i could get free trad art supplies by posting on tiktok LOL but its scary there #also in some ways all my art making is so frantic recently. ive absolutely run out the clock and should have been Good by now but im not #now i have to try my hardest to Get Good at art before i have to find 3 jobs to sustain myself and i never get to draw again #but anyway its fun in here i cant wait to finally finish this old sketchbook and start a new one

[bloodcoveredgf]

hi mutuals hiiii hiiiii

#hope everyone is having a good day! i am (not so)patiently waiting for my gf to get home so he can take us to the store we are gonna #look at dungeons & dragons stuff and get me some dice and a dice tray since im playing dnd for the first time + with him this sunday ^_^ !! #also just look around at everything since iiiiveee never been to the store before and its got cool stuff and my bf likes :-) im excited #ive also been watching a d20 campaign dungeons and drag queens im on the last episode right now its craaazaayyy... so thats what im up to!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Why has Barnaby made TWO hospital visits in one year??? What was the first one about??? [<-Talking about the Human AU]

no yeah the first one was Howdy's brief stint (a couple hours) for the whole smoke inhilation minor injuries from the fire thing.

the second one was for Wally's festive lil car crash where he comes very close to Fuckign Dying!!! and. well. technically there are many different visits for that one cause he's in the hospital for a hot sec, but yk. technically only two hospital-worthy events

#barnaby: oh man howdy being in the hospital was terrifying! #barnaby: i sure hope i never have to experience anything like this again! #and- whats that? WHY ITS WALLY DARLING WITH A STEEL CHAIR- #its a very distressing event for everyone!!! #a long night of a bunch of colorful Very Stressed friends in a waiting room followed by several weeks of equally stressed visits #its a Bad Accident #like a 'its a borderline miracle that wally survived' accident #the rest of the au is pretty feel-good and the angst is more mild & normal/expected #this is like. just the Big Dramatic Event that fucks everyone up ahaha #i needed to include at least one!!! #its very detailed in my mind... #from the call getting cut off to barnaby sobbing his heart out in the hospital parking garage to etc etc etc #rambles from the bog #wh modern human au #its fun! for me. and anyone who enjoys this flavor of Fictional Drama #ive been going through reddit threads & articles & sites all morning researching medical stuff #as i am wont to do when thinking about characters getting injured <3 #usually its for stuff like stab wounds and disembowelment and hypothermia and lung collapse and- you get the picture #car crashes Surprisingly are rarely in my wheelhouse of angst! for some reason! theyre very juicy! #anyway i like to get everything as accurate as possible in my head #and then take Creative Liberties bc this is fiction #but! they're purposeful (mild) inaccuracies! if im gonna do something wrong im gonna do it Correctly! #do the. do the something wrong correctly. do the wrong thing Right! on purpose! #so that if people go 'well uhm acktually' i can say with my entire chest I Know! I Did This On Purpose! Thank You!

[aejiee]

Coming to terms with the fact

That I will never be tall,

Or unbelievably beautiful,

In the way that people turn their heads

And stare.

I will have never loved,

Or begun to understand what love might be,

Aside from in books and movies.

I may never understand, and that scares me.

I feel so young. Too young.

Though I desperately try to

Claw at the remains of my youth.

I'm falling behind, yet I don't want to get back up.

Is this what growing up is?

I want so badly what time will grant now

And yearn for what I have lost in the process.

#poetry #poem #writing #writeblr #im 14 and this is deep #writers on tumblr #!!! this is my first poem guys #i dont normally sit down and write #i wrote most of this while waiting for my burrito #i dont know ive always wanted to try poetry #plus ive been reading dead poets society fics #its 4 am as i am posting this #im going to wake up and be like wtf was i on #well anyways #if this is cringe i never posted this #okay good night #just kidding #im going straight to ao3 lmaoooo

[latestdreamgirl]

<.< >.> made doomted in that picrew i just rbed

#:-) i can usually never ever make a good looking doom in picrew... this is the first one where ive been able to make one i like #anyways . doom a freak hwo forgets to close his eyes during a kiss #WAIT AW . i gave them matching earrings ... forgot dooms hand wld just cover teds ear #🧪.doom #purring

[famewolf]

speaking of ocd, I think I'm realizing that I truly don't have anxiety and it's literally just my ocd. im not anxious about anything until it involves me and suddenly I'm spiraling

#[static] #it's hard to describe succinctly but the anxiety I deal with nowadays is directly related to my ocd and autism #some anxiety is so easy to brush off but the ones stemming from my ocd are extremely difficult to get out from under #i'll spiral for weeks about one specific thing and ruminate on it and mentally worry and pick at it forever #it's utterly exhausting jfkdghdf some days are easier than others #and often that one thing I ruminate on becomes multiple things all stemming from the first thing #like recently it's been my car ... the thing is totally fine ... runs fine drives fine but ive been freaked out by it for the last 3 weeks #every time i go into the shop theyre like ... everything is good in fact its in good condition for its age and they'll mention like #one thing that will need to be replaced to keep it in tip top condition and then my brain will fixate on it and imagine all the ways #something horrific will happen if that doesnt get changed and then that leads to all the other things in the car suddenly freaking me out #i defs used to have general anxiety and depression but those went away literally the day i got top surgery #poof instantly gone it was wild and i kept waiting for the other shoe to drop #never did but now my ocd has been really bad the last 6 months cuz of all the extra horrifying things going on #so i thought it was just my anxiety coming back but this week i realized it was my ocd and have been treating it accordingly #and ive seen some relief but i definitely need to go back to therapy once i get my insurance again #its the only way to get a hold on it and my last therapist ended up moving states so we didnt get to work on tools for it very much #im yapping at this point i just needed to vent for a second about how truly yucky ocd makes me feel

[angellurgy]

:]

#AAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKFUCKFUCK #CONDTANT UNENDING SILENT SCREAMING #NO WORDS BUT FORCED TO UNDERSTAND STILL UNESCAPABLE I CANT I CANT I CANT #ill never be anything ill never be anything ill never be anything at all to any of you #too fucking tired to go out of the house for so long no way to stop being tired its all wearing down on me like a fucking curse. too much #CANT CANT CANT take 10 more days of this waiting itll just go back to normal after #TRIED TO LIVE BUT WHAT IS THE POINT WHAT IS THERE EVEN FOR ME NO LOVE NO CARE NO IMPORTANCE NO PLACE #FADING MEMORY REMNANTS OF MY SOUL DRIPPING OUT OF MY HEAD LIKE A GUTTER. NO ONE WILL REMEMBER. EVEN I CANT. #AAAAAAAAAAA rotrotrotrotrotrotrotrotrot wish i just had a fucking dad to hold me wish i had a brother to show me the loving care noone will #please. llease. please. nothing left nothing left everyone wants me less with every single post but icant stop #cooped up inside. tumblrs knly good when you have a life outside of it. i cant fight it tho bc of this fucking EXHAUSTION #caused by the emotional pain and exclusion. eternal loop. let me.out #NOT LIKE IT MATTERS TO ANYONE BUT THE FEW WHO CANT HELP. THE FEW WHO CANT MAKE MY SITUATION BETTER. I JUST WANT A GROUP. #I KNOW COMMUNITY ISNT REAL BUT I FUCKING WANT SOMETHING. PLEASE #LET ME OUT. GIVE ME LIFE. INSTEAD OF THIS CONSTANT FUCKING VOID GROWING BLACK MOLD ON THE CREVICES OF MY SKULL #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nothing is giving me life right now i want sometbing i cant create anything i dont wanna die but i have no choice #FIGHT THROUGH THE TIREDNESS WALK INTO THE FOREST IN THE NIGHT AND ROT. #SLIT MY WRISTS EVEN THOUGH IT WONT DO SHIT. LAY ON A BLANKET AND LET THE COLD TAKE ME #WOULDNT BE THE FIRST TIME IVE BEEN CLOSE TO IT. LEAST I CAN GO ALL THE WAY. GOD WHY DO I TRY. I WANT TO TRY. I HAVE NOTHING TO TRY FOR. #NO OTHER CHOICE.

[spookberry]

Viperine was my favorite mh doll and therefore the only one i still own from my childhood

#monster high #viperine gorgon #also i have no idea where those lol net sleeves came from #i hadnt really looked at her in years til i pulled her out of storage today #and ive never been the type to stylr my dolls #but definitely doesnt come with those so #idk man #also where the fuck did that belt come from #wait #thats Raven Queen's belt!?!?! #neither i nor my sisters ever even owned ever after high dolls?!?!?!?! #looks good on viperine tho so im keepin it

[healingheartdogs]

Love it when a doctor is like "I'm ordering a LOT of blood work for you today, sorry" like no don't be sorry, thank you for turning over every stone you can looking for answers for me

#todays doctor visit is the rheumatologist #ordering me a bunch of tests for autoimmune diseases #and a full tick-borne illness panel because she was shocked ive never been tested for lyme or any other tick-borne illness before #and we also talked about the possibility of EDS but trying to look into everything else first that could possibly be wrong #because there are so few people in the state who even do genetic testing for EDS (the types that can be tested for) #and even fewer who treat it so it'd be a long referral and wait process probably involving a lot of travel to other counties or into NYC #also getting a bunch of vitamin level testing done because my ones in september was NOT GOOD for a bunch of vitamins #6 vials of blood #definitely havent ever had that much blood drawn at once before #health stuff #ndr #not dog related

[ladysqueakinpip]

not me lying wide awake at 5:30am on a sunday on my day off bc after almost a full year I finally FINALLY realized the implication of the end of remember them from the cyclops saga

#that song has one of the most powerful ending crescendo sequences ive heard in maybe all of musical theater #so it. always felt incomplete after ALL that buildup during the I AM THE INFAMOOOUS #only to just drop to SILENCE. no music. no fanfare. just ODYSSEUS! #he doesnt even really sing it he just sort of... shouts it #and then its followed by the faintest sound of ocean waves #its poseidon. listening. THATS why athena said DONT #poseidon heard that declaration and came back to get him later #😬 #i just looked up the lyrics for ruthlessness too and poseidon basically spells it out 😂 #ive only listened to that song once or twice tho and i guess i wasnt too focused on the words #anyway i relistened to the songs on friday and theyve been rotating in my mind like a 7/11 hotdog #the whole cyclops saga especially is just.... so so good #they truly dont make music about bashing peoples heads in like they used to #the first 3 songs of the saga especially... oof #how they blend one into the other back to back and end up making like a 10 minute narration of events #the whole thing is so bone chilling #it gets my heartrate up lol #PLUS the theme of pain and vengeance bring more pain #EVERY time polyphemus says 'what gives you a right to deal a pain so deep' #and when odysseus says 'what good would killing do when mercy is a skill more of the world could learn to use' #rocking back and forth sobbing crying #remember them the next time that you DARE choose not to spare! remember them... remember us... remember me! #cant wait for everyone to turn their back on this musical in 5 yrs #like they did with hamilto.n #hamilto.n never stopped being good actually #yall are just embarrassed about being weird fanatics over people who rly existed

[arts-i-enjoy]

AHHHHHH

#this post brought to you by: me #i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses #i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP #like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready #anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT #and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk #and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message #even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL #AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!! #i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year #i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17? #ive had a good well paying job since i was 18. #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job #which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind #so theres no point staying here. #i might never have this kind of job security again. #but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something #on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now #on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT #but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to #richard started yelling and swearing el oh el #might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible? #but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option #the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going #idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks #this is why i want to get out of here #also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about #not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey! #if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!

[altruistic-meme]

never underestimate the power combo of procrastinating and failure anxiety. I've written ~7k words in like 4 days. im going crazy im going stupid.

#oh fucking hell man #ive been doing sprints witha. discord group and its been NITS #NUTS #like every 15/20min sprint i get ~500 words somehow. #which is apparently a lot #i cant wait to be done with writing this fic tho #ive got ONE scene o have to complete and then its all editing babyyyyy #but alas i have work tomorrow including a meeting after which ~sucks~ bc i dont like when they tell us we have meetings #its NEVER good newd #but it means i ahve to go to bed now #and ill finish and run through it tomorrow after work and try and. get things done. #and THEN i can hand it to milo and FINALLY I CAN READ THEIR SHAKING KEVIN IN A BOTTLE FIC #ITS BEEN ME VS THIS MONSTER ALL MONTH SO I HET A REWARD ONCE ITS FINISHED #shh ac

[aropride]

thought i hated this one girl just cuz her vibes are off but i just remembered something like actually awful she said the other day so nvm my hatred is justified actually

#text #she has AWFUL vibes . high school mean girl from the mid 2000s core #ive triedddd to like her i really have but i remembered like the first time i met her #she literally straight up admitted to only posting abt activism on instagram for clout and bc it makes her look like a good person #and that she really doesnt give a fuck #SHE SAID THAT OUT LOUD WITH HER MOUTHHH fuck that shit 😭Oh my god post over why is .what the fucknsince when does r know #the new cafe worker . and should i be scared . #i saw the new person. who ive been calling bailey in my head even tho thats like. straight up not their name. waiting around in the lobby #which is connectred to the cafe right. and then i see r come in from the cafe. looking at their phone in a way that makes me think theyssaw #me first and were ignoring me. and then they walked out together. what is going on r has NEVER been in this building #ive never seen them in here. what. oh i dont like that at all #(i dont know their name btw. thecafe person. they just look like a bailey to me im not like. deadnaming them LMAO)