#it's a complicated subject because there's so many ways he can react

[marshmallowprotection]

(same anon who almost died a few times lol) hm. now I'm imagining showing ray my old mediport (it's basically a central line I had in my chest while I was on chemo as an easier/faster way to draw blood) without knowing just how anxious he gets. When I finished chemo I asked if I could keep it so it sits in a specimen cup on my desk and i think it's cool and like to show it to people. tho i wonder if maybe ray would find it interesting? on one hand it would a physical reminder of what I went through, but on the other hand it helped keep me alive and prevented me from experiencing more pain.

Ray hasn't been subjected to the outside world. When he was a kid, if he received any medication, it was only because his twin managed to steal something. Not that either of them are proud of that fact, but if he was sick... they had to do something to keep it from getting worse. It's not like their mother was going to get help. A cough can lead to a lot worse if it's not taken care of. He has no experience with anything medical apart from cough syrup.

But! He'd want to learn what to do for you if you still have anything that needs extra care to this day. Even if you don't, he knows that there's always a chance that something might happen again, and anything he can do to avoid your suffering, he'll do. That means he has a lot of amount of education to do in his spare time. He'd hate to ask you something and leave you struggling with memories that you might not want to remember...

So, he makes sure that everything he learns comes from more than just you. He's proactive with his paranoia and fears. Even if you're in remission and healthy today, he can't help but feel very fearful for the worst-case scenario. That's just a part of how he feels. He's always afraid of something horrible happening to you, even if there's not any reason to be afraid.

I think Ray would be torn when you show him the remnant of your life with cancer. The outside world is supposed to be horrible and yet... there are doctors and people who worked to save your life out there. Sure, people would want to save you... you're special, but what does it mean when he's brought you to Mint Eye to protect you?

Was it just a lucky fluke that people helped you? Or, would they help you again if something went wrong, God forbid, again? His fear is just a part of him that can't disappear at the flip of a hat. It happens and he struggles with it every day. He loves you, he wants you to be safe and happy, so knowing that you've been hurt... and he couldn't stop it is hard for him. Not that he wants to make this about him. Your pain is not about him. He won't overshadow that.

He just wishes... that he could've been there for you before he knew you this way. Even if he couldn't have done anything... he knows that he could've held you when you needed it. So, it's complicated for Ray because he wishes he can take away all memories of your pain, but it isn't something he can actually do. Your port might be something he can't disregard when he slowly learns that Mint Eye isn't healthy for him... like... a statement about the world he can't ignore.

It didn't abandon you... even though he felt like the world wasn't a good place for you. So, why shouldn't he believe you when you tell him he might belong outside, too?

The long of the short of it... Ray doesn't want you to suffer, so while it's hard for him to see a reminder that you've been hurt, it's nice to know that something kept you from suffering. He hopes that he can be that person for you today... can he? Can he protect you? Will you let him?

#anon #ask #mod kait #oh anon. i think about how ray handles my disabilities all the time. #it's a complicated subject because there's so many ways he can react #but god if it isn't comforting to know he'd try his best to be accommodating and learn more about your needs #mystic messenger #mysme #mm #mysticmessenger #ray choi #choi ray

[kradogsrats]

I just want to return to What We Know About Ghosting(tm) for a minute since we've now seen three Ghosted Moonshadow elf characters with very different reactions to it:

The Convict: Redfeather is Ghosted for an unknown reason, but one she claims not to regret, she has essentially leaned in to it and rejected Moonshadow society and her previous identity in turn. Redfeather implies that many Ghosts react as she did and discard everything from their previous lives, including their names.

The Penitent: Tylluan is Ghosted for being kind of a shitty leader, and has come to accept their sentence while still deciding to work to fix their final mistake, not with the intent to reverse their punishment but to help their former community in the way they should have before. Tylluan is a bit weird about their name—it's possible the implication is supposed to be that the closer they get to their goal of fixing their mistake, the more comfortable they feel reclaiming it? They go by Feathershawl for the entirety of "The Lost Oasis," but then switch to saying they prefer to be called Tylluan at the start of "The Gloaming Glade." (It's noted that "most elves" refer to them as Feathershawl, whatever that means.)

The Martyr: Rayla, of course, is Ghosted for a misunderstanding of what was actually an incredible sacrifice on her part, for which she still blames herself rather than her community, but still holds to her identity and (it seems) the hope that one day she can return. Rayla, as far as we know, never even considers the possibility of abandoning her name.

Ghosting appears to be very localized to individual communities, since Tylluan, for example, is invisible only to the people of the town he was exiled from—a Moonshadow PC is not indicated to have any problem seeing him. Mechanically, it's something that can be done to an individual in absentia by all of the community members undergoing a ritual, but it's not clear if this is the only way to do it or if it can be performed on the individual instead (which seems like it would be more efficient, at least).

(I will note that there are a lot of things that make absolutely ZERO sense about ANY of this, such as the fact that a Ghost can still enter their community and simply cannot be seen or heard—but can still affect their surroundings. I, for one, would hesitate to punish someone in that way simply because APPARENTLY THEY CAN COME BACK AND FUCK WITH YOU AND YOU LITERALLY CAN'T STOP THEM IN ANY WAY. Maybe there's some intricate thing going on that prevents a Ghost from doing actual harm to the community that exiled them and its members, and Tylluan is able to affect things in the Hollow Wood because they are acting in its defense, but... that's really needlessly complicated, imo.)

Following the very community-centered nature of Ghosting, Tylluan can be un-Ghosted depending on how "The Gloaming Glade" plays out, so we know it's both reversible and, again, basically subject to the whim of overall community majority attitude. This very localized status is interesting, since it implies that Moonshadow communities are not only insular with regard to other elves, but even with regard to other Moonshadow elves. Unless there's a way to detect if someone has been Ghosted by a community, it wouldn't be quite as devastating to just... pick up and go to another community. The implication here, I think, is that moving between communities is regarded as generally suspicious unless there's a negotiated reason (marriage, training in a trade, etc.)—you can't just show up, because you will presumably be actively rejected.

Finally, the fact that we know Ghosting can be reversed makes Moonshadow justice in general just... even more bonkers. I feel like one of two things has to be true: either a) there's some kind of super-Ghosting that is used for actual severe crimes and expels the individual from ALL of Moonshadow society, not just their local community, or b) Rayla is actually correct in her somewhat naive assumption about Redfeather's crime being a circumstance similar to her own, where she was served a legalistically simplistic punishment over a very complicated situation with mitigating circumstances. ADDITIONALLY, Rayla is, or is at least willing to believe that she is, STILL GHOSTED two years after it has presumably come out that she SAVED THE DRAGON PRINCE'S LIFE AT LEAST TWICE. Did Zubeia just like... not dispatch that memo to the Slivergrove, because it kind of seems like the least she could do, given that it was on her order that the assassins were sent in the first place? Is the Slivergrove SO insular that it only accepts messages from even the fucking DRAGON QUEEN if they include assassination orders? The alternative is that everyone in the Silvergrove is so fucking insane that they heard all of that and were like, "yeah, but..." and let the punishment stand, despite presumably knowing Rayla since she was a baby. (Though to be fair, they probably knew all the assassins who died since they were babies, as well. But still.)

Now, maybe the happy alternate to that will be that they DID un-Ghost Rayla, but she's so self-hating that it doesn't occur to her that would ever happen without some further grand redemption gesture on her part, and they just literally couldn't find her to tell her that. (Ethari like "OH MY GOD RAYLA IF I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN YOU'RE GOING IN THE TODDLER LEASH FOREVER" and crying.) Maybe now that she's back in fairly static, predictable company (Katolis, Callum and Ezran, etc.) the news will reach her?

Anyway, TL;DR: Moonshadow Ghosting: still absolutely fucking insane, possibly the most bizarre thing we're supposed to accept about the setting.

#the dragon prince #moonshadow elves are the worst kind???? #i don't remember what that tag was for but tbh it fits

[lepurcinus]

Probably the strangest take I ever read about Watership Down was:

"Someone made a story about rabbit which he gave emotions to, but claims to accept controlling them (here it means when Adams said he accepted that rabbits could become a problem), made them suffer just to entertain the evil viewer with their suffering."

Man, what the fuck? Nobody enjoys the violent scenes in Watership Down, at least not in a sense of pleasure or fun. It's like the main reason why people dismiss the story as violent or scary. The descriptions are meant to make you feel pity and pain for them, to make you understand them. I don't understand what the hell you were getting at with that.

Anyway, no one, not me or anyone else can know how animals would really think or react to their environment if they could think or feel the same way we do. It's all a subjective view, subject to an author's own ideas.

If they are anthropomorphized, it is in many cases so that you can better understand them as if you were in their shoes, I think xenofiction is one of the best ways to make you see empathy towards animals, although certainly those that try to see it in a more focused way in a real view of a non-human being without going so much to sentimentalism are more powerful. Those that add emotions are the ones that open that window the best.

On the other hand, that you do any of this but are in favor of things that involve "harming" an animal (let's ignore whatever ethics there are in this because by the same token these people don't do it) like hunting game or the meat industry. It is not easily "discarding" the life of another living being. It is knowing how to separate fact from fiction and that the world is much more complicated than it seems.

You can love rabbits and still be okay with them being hunted by people. Because one can know that in many places these animals have no natural control that allows things to flow well. Killing an Australian rabbit means giving other mammals and birds a chance to live after the mess man made. But it does not mean not appreciating the life of the rabbit, it does not seek to torture or make the rabbit less.

What it does is that you SEE THE RABBIT AS A SENTIMENTAL BEING AND THEN LOOK FOR A WAY NOT TO CAUSE IT LONG TERM HARM WHEN A CONTROL IS MADE.

Probably these animal stories are the best proof and love letter of humanity towards the beings that live with them, some of them simply denote the author's LOVE AND PASSION towards nature and what is in it.

Anna Sewell was grateful to the horses for helping her and so she made them a story that was one of the pillars for animal rights.

Ernest Thompson Seton was a hunter, but when he met Lobo he never wanted to hunt a wolf again in his life and in his later works he showed his aversion to the hunting of his time.

Felix Salten was a hunter, but his novel brought about one of the pillars for legal hunting as we know it.

Richard Adams claimed to agree to control rabbits, but when what was written in his work was to become reality, he protested. When his work of two dogs suffering at human hands ended in an ambiguous and tragic ending he was not satisfied and changed it to one where a man who loves them made them happy forever.

Don't let them be dismissed so easily people, if you succeed, your work is all the reflection of who you are, your intentions in the most honest way. Let that message come through, however you can, let that reflection be noticed.

God, I should stop worrying about the opinions of unknown people on the internet. I'm still frustrated Yes? This might be understood for the shit but you know I'm not good at explaining things.

#lepur talks #xenofiction #I'm leaving this here because the issue got me thinking but I'll leave it here. Only with this reflection #And I don't want storms in glasses of water #animal stories #animal fantasy #talking animal books #talking animal stories #watership down

[alittlefrenchtree]

Is there anything from the book that you would have liked to see in the film and what do you now prefer about the film compared to the book?

Many things in both case.

Main things of the book I would have like seeing in the movie:

-Unpopular opinion but i'm not a big fan of the Paris love making scene. Taylor and Nick's performances were really good and most of my issues are with the directing choices. While most of the movie looks very fresh and that what makes it a good romcom, the Paris scene looks and sound a bit outdated so I wish the scene looked a bit different and maybe closer to the book.

-The After the kensington palace scene. The way they go from yelling at each other to the V&A scene is waaaay too quick in the movie and doesn't make much sense to me if i'm being honest. I'm not sure if I'm the biggest fan of how it happens in the book either but, there's something at least.

-Raf Luna. I think his storyline was too complicated for the book so i did not miss him that much in the movie but I liked the idea of a queer role model for Alex and one of (if not the) my favorite scene and quote from the book was with Raf Luna so that would have been cool to see on screen. “Sería una mentira, porque no sería él”

-Alex's panic attack and how he firstly reacts to the leak.

Main things I like better in the movie:

-how Alex handles his bisexuality. I know it was a big issue for some but it was so refreshing for me to see the fact that he's into guys being barely a subject (and focusing on he freaking out about being into Henry). There are still many important milestones for all queer people scene, like owning the word for himself, the importance of his speech on the topic of coming out but. Hearing him say "i can wrap my head about being lowkey into guys" three (movie) minutes after the first "maybe i'm not straight" thought entering his mind like it's no big deal because it's no big deal and it makes sense to be no big deal with the way he's been raised IS GOOD. Gave the movie more time to focus on other things.

-how they simplified many things about the storyline that were too complicated (or weren't what the movie has supposed be about) in my opinion. Like I said, half of the Raf Luna storyline. How they tried the fake dating thing with June and Nora to try to bury the leak. I'm still debating with myself on what they did with the Claremont-Diaz family. I think they should have kept the divorce but maybe Leo wasn't necessary yet? I'm not sure.

There must be more but they're the biggest things that come to my mind at the moment. Thank you for the questions, it was fun to think about it 💜

#alft asks #red white and royal blue #rwrb

[the-paris-of-people]

i am for once very happy they are addressing the fact ben still has insecurities over the two timing situation because THAT’S HARD especially for someone like ben that constantly feels like he is always being left behind. In season 3, ben came to terms with the idea of just being friends with devi so the boink might have put his defenses up again. i get it. i think he needs to talk when he is ready to talk. i am team devi in that whole disclosure because i think her being upset feels justified this time but i won’t totally shut down ben for this because it makes sense that he feels like that. and devi running out after the boink certainty didn’t help.

if ben and devi are going to get together. i need that whole cheating situation to be addressed because i don’t like when writers ignore situations like these as if they aren’t impactful, hurtful and can complicate relationships.

Honestly I think Never Have I Ever has done an excellent job of showing the trauma and impact of Devi's cheating, on both on Devi and Ben's end, and I'm sure they will have a really long, honest conversation about it in the future because it has severely impacted the future of a relationship they both really value. I'm glad they're exploring Ben's reaction and in a lot of ways he's reacted like a normal teenage boy who doesn't know how to act around the girl he loves, but I take issue with the fact that from what I've heard (again disclaimer here, I have not seen the episode just heard summaries/spoilers so it could absolutely play out better on screen) I do think that he owed her at least one conversation after having sex and it was wrong to deny her of that. I will say this given that I am personally am an anxious attachment girlie, sex/sexual acts make me incredibly attached to people, and I don't understand avoidant attachment/avoiding confrontations about very deep, personal subjects when they're deeply, deeply, deeply affecting the other person (which having sex with Ben did to Devi) I think it's okay to say "Hey I need some time to process this and I'll talk with you when I'm ready" but I know Ben doesn't have the language or emotional capacity to convey that yet. And apparently he was worried about the sex being bad which is honestly very relatable and realistic but again, I don't think that excuses him ignoring her. I just don't think you should just assume to give people time to talk about things on their own time UNLESS they clearly state they need that, because then you're waiting around for a person/situation that may just never come to fruition. And also Devi gave him an opportunity to talk and he didn't want to and sooo many things could have been solved if they just talked it out that one time.

That's why I personally just have a hard time buying this situation right now/am having a hard time seeing how I personally can forgive Ben again and feel secure on their JOURNEY to endgame (because I know they will be endgame) I actually have no doubt the cheating situation will be addressed because Jaren and Maitreyi said there would be a lot of difficult conversations between their characters and they've done a great job with it so far except to me this really just feels like drama for the sake of drama and not having them get together until the very end

#ask #answered #anon #never have i ever spoilers #benvi

[flylikeanarend]

November 24

Indra grabbed Patrick and gave him a hug. It’s okay, I know you are not used to this other world, a part of me want to slap you know, but I won’t. Patrick was surprised and chocked and felt a heat rising in his body. Could it be that she actually liked him, she seemed so calm now, and she obviously could control the aggression. Yes I can, Indra said, Patrick, shocked, stepped back, and asked her half in inner terror, “you know what I was thinking?“ Yes and she smiled, I like you Patrick, I cannot read you all the time, but when we touch, it’s different. So you hugged me on purpose, you... Indras face changed immediately, he saw something like fire in her eyes, he added“ not that I did not enjoy it“. Indra’s face did not return the way it was, look Patrick, it’s complicated, but we have to sort this out some other time, we have other urgent stuff we need to take care of now, so just go. And do not worry, will explore “us“ when this is all over, it needs to stop and we need to bring everyone to safety, we are of no use when we are captured or worse.

Indra

Patrick left, and she started packing, basically throwing different stuff into a bag, she hated packing, and even more when she did not know when and if she would ever return to this place. She would miss it. She glanced over all her stuff she collected over time. She decided it was better to think, she would be back, she did not want to part with any of it. Maybe she could get a bigger place even with Patrick. Indra already had made up her mind about Patrick, she sensed him in a way she had never sensed anyone before, but it was complicated, so she wanted him to know what he was getting into. He gave her the strength to fight, and to not give up. Once at the hotel, she would meet with the Ninjas and maybe even others from her tribe, and they could even go together and talk to dragon. She had a vague sensation, that there was something off with Dragon, she had a hard time sensing him, and she was not sure why. Maybe he went off somewhere further away, but that should not make a difference. Or she was just not focused enough, she did not know. She hurried with the packing and she needed to put some of her special clothes on, so she could take all the amulets and the jewelry. The clothing was made, so that the jewels on it, looked normal, they looked fake so the clothing itself had been hard to make, because it was not supposed to look expensive. The robots knew exactly who could buy what with the salary everyone was making, so anyone with really expensive clothing or any other expensive item and without the necessary money, was subjected to a personal inspection. The good thing, was that there was almost no theft anymore, because there was no way you could get rid of the merchandise, and there was no way to choose what you spend your money on, food needed to be a priority, and not clothes or jewelry or other items that did not need to cost more then they did. Indra, did not mind, she had never been into the big brands, so they all kind of went down after Alice took over. The prices of beautiful clothing went down to normal again, and Indra was secretly happy about that. She figured Alice had a point there, or let’s say, whoever was programming Alice. So, she took the dress with the amulet lock on it, and quickly snapped all the amulets into place, so it looked like they were just an ornament for the dress. She needed her silver bracelets and earring and necklaces as well, because she did not want all the amulets to be working at once. She had never worn them all at the same time, and thank god it was cold outside, because she looked really overdressed for travelling, she looked like she was going to a Christmas ball and not taking the high speed train. She was already thinking of some kind of explanation, in case someone asked her about all the stones on her dress. She felt her fire inside, it was reacting to the many amulets, she had to stay calm. She focused on the blood stones she carried with her, she noticed the calming and balancing effect they had on her, she should have used them more often she thought. She did not know enough about herself and about the blood, she realized that, again now walking around with all these powers, the amulets were useless to someone who did not know how to use them. Okay, this is not the time to panic, she just needs to go register for holiday and get on that train, she focused herself and started to look around, she had to giggle a little, because some people were indeed staring at her. They quickly turned their heads away when she gave them her angry look, she was already feeling better. She felt the drizzle on her skin, and she noticed fog was coming up, it would cover the city in a blanket of clouds, and she thanked dragon, maybe he did that. Robots did not function well in fog, so many of the older models still on patrol would not be able to see much, besides a human walking around. She focused a little on one of the other stones she carried with her, many were sown into the dresses she brought, to feel dragon, but there was this weird emptiness still, as if he was not there. That is impossible she thought, he is the realm. She started walking a bit faster and she really needed to get up there and see what was going on.

[ekstan]

Erik Knudsen 2006 interview

In October of 2006, Erik Knudsen was interviewed by canadian news website Dose, i found it some years ago and unfortunely the original link with this interview is not working anymore, but i saved it and now i'm sharing this with you, so check it out.

Speakeasy: Erik Knudsen

Christine Clarke

Published: Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Erik Knudsen would like to see George Stroumboulopoulos host The Hour while balancing the budget as Canada's next Prime Minister; he'd like to hear Celine Dion do a cover of Avril Lavigne's "Complicated;" and when he's filming his American-situated series, Jericho, he often gets reprimanded for sounding way too Canadian. It's enough to get one's "eh?"-suffixing Canuck heart pumping.

Knudsen got his start in 2003 with a lead on YTV series Mental Block and he's been a regular fixture in Canadian TV and film ever since, most recently appearing in this year's bilingual Quebec feature film Bon Cop/Bad Cop. But the Toronto native has also been making waves across the border with a role in Saw II and can currently be seen on the small screen as reclusive teen Dale Turner in Jericho. As Turner, he is one of the survivors of a post-apocalyptic America who is cut off from the rest of the world in an isolated, rural town.

"When we were introduced to the premise, our first thought was that this is controversial and it's going to be a scary topic to talk about," says Knudsen of Jericho's hairy subject matter. "But I thought what a perfect opportunity to show how humans would react to a situation that they're so worried about."

So far, audiences have been receptive to Jericho's intense portrayal of the aftermath of a nuclear disaster. The series has boosted CBS's performance on Wednesday nights and the network recently gave the show a full-season order. Some may chalk that up to solid casting and a compelling storyline, but we like to think it's Knudsen's penchant to pronounce "about" in that distinctively Canadian way. In honour of all-things red and white, we asked the Toronto actor to finish a few sentences that we thought were worth starting.

I'm at my most Canadian when I'm... working because I get so many comments that the way that I'm talking is very Canadian. When I'm acting I'll say "Canadian" words by accident. There's certain words like "about" that Americans will laugh at and we'll have to re-take the scene. We had to do voice over lines for a scene where I'm playing poker because I said "out" and I didn't say it right.

If a nuclear disaster was imminent and I was stuck in a Canadian town closed off from the rest of society, the one Degrassi: The Next Generation character that I would take with me is... Toby Isaacs. He seems like a smart kid. We'd talk Canadian politics to pass the time, probably the youth criminal justice act.

I think the CN Tower should be renovated and turned into... a paintball arena.

In the movie of my life the Canadian actor who would play me is... Hayden Christiansen because he's a good looking guy.

My favourite Canadian Heritage Minute commercial is... the origination of the name "Canada." [Jacques Cartier and his team of explorers encounter a band of Mi'kmaq and ask their chief, Donnacona, what the territory is called. The explorers mistake "kanata," which means the village, for the name of the nation]. There's a line at the end that I think was added in but they didn't shoot it. So, as they're walking away they don't show his face and you can tell it was dubbed over one explorer says, "I'm sure it means the village." But, they added it in later, so I thought it was kind of humourous.

In my travels, the one misconception that people have about Canadians is... that we're all friendly because it's not true!

The most stereotypical Canadian thing that I've caught myself doing is... saying "thank you" a lot and often in the same sentence.

If I could create a hockey team full of famous Canadians my top choices would be...

Avril Lavigne because she played hockey. Kiefer Sutherland because he's just a trooper. Is Elvis Stojko Canadian? Yeah, he'd be pretty good on the ice.

Source: Dose.ca

#erik knudsen #erikknudsen

[monstrousgourmandizingcats]

Okay please tell me about this animorphs stuff because it seems like a WILD ride

Animorphs is an extremely moody and morose series of serialized mid-grade novels from the late 1990s (opinions vary on whether or not it's moody and morose enough to count as grimdark). They were everywhere when I was a little kid; you'd walk into an elementary school classroom at the beginning of the school year and there'd be six or seven Animorphs books already lying around, as if they'd spawned from the walls and floor or something. Unfortunately, they were produced in a very disposable, one-and-done way, and they're now out of print and semi-difficult to find as hard copies; for that reason, the author, K.A. Applegate, has explicitly advised fans to just pirate them. I've been finding a lot of them at public libraries instead, though, because I greatly prefer hard-copy reading when at all possible.

Applegate was a Midwestern housewife who co-developed and co-wrote the bulk of the series with her husband, Michael Grant. In addition to Grant, the later half of the series employed a bunch of other ghostwriters as well, although Applegate retained creative control and regularly vetoed what the ghostwriters were doing.

The premise of the books is that a group of five ordinary-ish teenagers stumble upon a crashed alien ("Andalite") spaceship and are given the ability to "morph" into different animals, subject to a two-hour time limit. They use this power to fight a guerrilla war against another alien species, the Yeerks, who are little grey slug-like creatures who take up residence in the brains of larger species and override their free will. For the bulk of the series none of them is sure who in their own families is and isn't a Yeerk; they know for a fact that at least two of their loved ones are. There's an atmosphere of paranoia that leads to increasingly toxic codependency as the Animorphs slowly lose the ability to trust, take any interest in, or care about non-Animorphs, although they do keep fighting for humanity as a whole.

The Animorphs are:

Jake. The leader of the group. "A dumb jock trying to play General Eisenhower." Likes basketball and the Offspring (which he just refers to as "Offspring" for some reason). From a secular Jewish family, although not completely secular since they light Sabbath candles. His brother, Tom, is known to be a Yeerk.

Rachel. Jake's cousin. A skinny blonde shopaholic and semi-serious hobbyist gymnast who develops worse and worse rage issues as the series goes on. Is she a brave soldier for humanity, or a violent maniac who gloms on to a good cause so she can avoid confronting the darkness within her? Neither; she's explicitly, textually both! She's my favorite.

Marco. Jake's best friend. A typical "funny" late 90s/early 2000s teenage boy with all the tastes and interests we generally associate with that--video games, South Park, Howard Stern. All that's missing is Family Guy. Of ambiguous sexuality and appears to be in love with Jake. Able to suddenly get incredibly serious, even ruthless, when he has to. His mother, Eva, is not only a Yeerk but an incredibly important and high-ranking one. Eva is Mexican Catholic but Marco doesn't appear to be religious.

Cassie. Rachel's best friend and Jake's love interest. From a middle-class black family that lives in a big farmhouse on the outskirts of town. Both of her parents are vets; her dad runs a wildlife rescue clinic and her mom works at a shitty for-profit zoo. The idealistic pacifist of the group, although she's a "kill 'em and then cry over 'em" pacifist and gets regularly dragged for this in-universe. Appears to be Catholic and at least semi-serious about it.

Tobias. Rachel's love interest. A mopey bully magnet with an unbelievably toxic and chaotic home life who accidentally-on-purpose gets stuck in morph as a red-tailed hawk in the first book and retains that as his default body for the rest of the series even once he regains morphing ability thirteen books in. A dreamer who's able to use his own ambivalent identity to build bridges between all sorts of different groups, but also has almost as much of a killer instinct as his girlfriend and occasionally makes calls that are even more coldhearted than Marco's.

A few books in they're joined by Aximili, an Andalite cadet trapped on Earth whose storylines alternate between goofy fish-out-of-water comedy and dark military psychodrama. For this reason, it's difficult for both the other characters and the reader to understand how they're expected to react or respond to Ax. Ax is technically Tobias's uncle since we find out Tobias's missing dad was an Andalite who became stuck in morph as a human.

As the books go on the morality is complicated significantly; the Animorphs resort to more and more repugnant tactics, and we find out that although the Yeerks' government and military brass are pure evil, a lot of individual Yeerks are just folks who've been dealt a crummy hand by evolution and have fallen for propaganda that they're justified in overriding other species' free will to "solve" this. There are Yeerks who believe it's wrong to take unwilling hosts, and Yeerks who wish they could find a middle way between being conquering slavemasters and "slugs beneath the Andalite hooves". Unfortunately, not many plotlines focus on them.

So that's Animorphs.

#animorphs #lilaccatholic

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 2x10 thoughts

GOOD GOD.

“No Weddings and a Funeral” is like being hungover but also coming out of a hangover. Having a terrible cold but also feeling better and appreciating every breath that comes through your nose. Embarking on an organizational project and accidentally falling into a photo album and crying about the pictures and organizing almost nothing tangible but making a few things more clear in your brain.

So much of this episode is about the AWFUL POINTLESSNESS OF DECORUM. How loud is too loud when you’re drinking stolen wine and shrieking about sex in a church right before your father’s funeral? How should you feel--thirty years later, as an accommodating, anger-averse person--about having been too angry to attend the funeral for your father who killed himself? What expression should you make when you show up really late to a different funeral? Why must you wear uncomfortable shoes just because someone died? What happens in your mind between standing up to give a eulogy for a man you’re still angry with and choosing to Rick Roll your mom and everyone else as an act of complicated love, humiliatingly incomplete until someone else starts to sing? Should you worry about your therapist seeing your normally tidy flat in a full-on state of depression mess? Is it okay to be offended that your boyfriend is so uncomfortable about death that he can’t stop making morbid jokes? Should you care about other people caring that you’re crunching an apple in church or squealing with joy to be reunited with a friend you’ve not seen in awhile? Are you obligated to explain your behavior if your kid doesn’t understand how you could stay with someone unfaithful? How far behind the counter should you sink when your [undefined relationship person]’s mother has just let you know she can see your dick through your underwear? Is a funeral reception an okay place to find a hookup? Is a funeral reception a decent spot for a break-up? Is a funeral reception a good time for a love confession when you know the person you’re confessing to is happy with someone else? And who do you make eye contact with when you can’t look directly at the person asking you if you’re okay when there’s so, so much about you she doesn’t know yet? Even if--for this tiny little moment within a vast swath of many okay and not-okay moments--you’re honest when you tell her that you are?

I fucking adored this episode because it answers all these questions very simply: Show up. Show up for yourself. Show up for your friends. Try not to harm yourself. Try not to harm your friends.

I love that this episode is about the messiness of adulthood and the things we bring with us from childhood and that it takes place partially in Rebecca’s childhood bedroom, and in Ted’s childhood memories. Dwelling in those places (whether physically or mentally) isn’t an automatic recipe for regression, but it does get everyone closer to the things that made them who they are, to the unresolved and half-buried parts of them that still make them tick today.

Forever obsessed with every single detail about Rebecca’s childhood bedroom.

Forever obsessed with Deborah’s decision to Rick Roll herself every single morning of her life.

Forever obsessed with Rebecca’s decision to Rick Roll her father’s funeral as a way to not have to make up a single word about her father and to do something very vulnerable and kind for herself and her mother and everyone.

Forever obsessed with Ted’s decision to Rick Roll Rebecca Rick Rolling her father’s funeral.

Forever obsessed with an entire found family backing it up.

I love that it is Isaac’s leadership that ensures every single member of the team attends the service for Paul.

I am very, very interested in Jamie’s love confession to Keeley because I do think it will spark some reflection in Keeley but I do not think it’ll go the cliched love triangle route.

Each scene with Rebecca and Sam struck (for me, a human being sharing a subjective perspective on the internet) the tender-awkward-beautiful-stressful chord I was hoping it would. I think it’s wonderful that Sam is honest with Rebecca about how difficult it is to keep their relationship a secret, and I love that Rebecca has a million mostly-unarticulated reasons for why she’d much prefer the secret to continue. I like that Sassy, Keeley, and Nora respond to the revelation as friends; they might be tempering their judgments in part because they’ve all gathered to bury Rebecca’s dad, but I don’t think their reactions would’ve been that different even on a happier occasion.

While there are a million and one different reasons why a continued relationship between Rebecca and Sam could cause serious ethical problems, I really love that when people share big news on this show, the people who care about them generally react by trying to see why the person is doing what they’re doing. Doesn’t mean they shouldn’t also hold each other accountable, but in my book it’s OK that Keeley’s first reaction was to feel happy that her friend is having some fun.

Also everyone has been making weird judgment calls this season, and this episode felt like a moment of real breakthroughs in terms of people telling the truth about things that happened to them and leaving themselves open to honest responses from others.

September 13, 1991. It’s so tenderly, beautifully, overwhelmingly meaningful that there’s still so much Ted and Rebecca don’t know about the things they have in common in these parallel lives they’re leading. The scene between Sarah Niles and Jason Sudeikis is so beautifully acted, and so is the scene between Hannah Waddingham and Harriet Walter. The way they intertwine to communicate that Ted and Rebecca basically lost the ability to trust their fathers simultaneously, from an ocean away? In the hands of lesser storytellers, it would feel too perfect a mirroring, but here it feels heartbreakingly imperfect. All the things they still don’t know. All the questions they try to ask each other. All the things they don’t dare ask yet. And then the storytellers are holding a candle up to all of it and letting the audience bask in the glow of this connection even if Ted and Rebecca can’t fully understand it yet.

I am so proud that Rebecca and Deborah were able to embark on the beginnings of a conversation about the ways Deborah and Paul’s relationship might have resembled or not resembled Rebecca and Rupert’s. It feels possible that they could get to a point where Rebecca truly internalizes her mother’s pride that she broke a cycle by leaving Rupert, and could maybe even understand why her mother made the choices she made. I love that in the final scene, they’re still relying on their old mother-daughter conversational patterns—the frustrations, the snippy shorthand, the passive-aggression. Mothers and daughters!

I am also proud that Ted—albeit via a joke about Sharon charging him for the house call—indicates that he understands the value of Sharon’s work. He’s changed a lot, all in realistic ways for someone who loves learning and really does want to meet people where they are and appreciate them. I’m very moved that instead of putting himself in a real harmful situation by showing up to the funeral on time at any cost, he did what he needed to do to take care of himself and accept care from someone else. And then Sharon’s suggestion that he think about things he loved about his father? And the way he’s able to share a positive memory of Rebecca’s own father at a time when she really needed it? Gosh.

Awkward, undecorous transition from 1991 to present-day incoming...but SASSY! She’s just, like, a whirling dervish of loyal friendship and not giving a fuck and penis size discussions and being casually, delightfully cruel to Rupert, who so deserves it. Rebecca was going on a real face journey when Sassy goes off with Ted at the end, and I’m sort of *eyes emoji* about all of that, but I continue to feel like Sassy is the most imperfectly wonderful friend-from-the-past kind of person and I love everything she and Nora get to do in this episode.

Keeley saying “That baby is whack” might be my favorite line in the episode? Maybe the whole show? Not really but really.

FUCK YOU, RUPERT. Bex and Diane, y’all are fine. And I truly feel for Nate...whatever scheme he’s getting suckered into. Whatever insecurity Rupert is preying on. I want Nate to go to therapy, too.

I feel like it was an unpopular opinion at the time, but I loved Rebecca’s 2x1 revelation about vulnerability and fear of getting hurt and needing to let someone love her. Sassy doesn’t always word things in the most nuanced way, but I think there’s a real possibility that she did ask Rebecca to really consider what it means to feel either safe or unsafe with a person but to know that in either circumstance, that person could end up causing her pain. Standing in that closet with Sam, managing to make it clear that she’s not asking for a break because she knows he will hurt her but because she has to figure out how to be with a wonderful person who could cause her pain...the growth, man. Makes me emotional.

I emerged from this episode feeling, of course, stunned by all the amazing parallels and revelations and beautiful acting and Rick Rolls and just, everything. I also emerged feeling sad/raw/tender because messiness and decorum and growth and coping mechanisms and death and dramatic irony and not knowing things about people and not knowing what you don’t know...it’s a sad, raw, tender place to be.

To quote a guy who got a whole sitcom (lol) named after him, life is real hard.

#ted lasso #ted lasso s2 spoilers #meta by me #ted lasso 2x10 #a lesbian watches ted lasso #lotta feelings in here y'all #cw suicide

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

All Men Have Limits - XII

Character: Dick Grayson x Reader x Bruce Wayne

Summary: A certain bat believes that Y/N is in way over her head, that she’s too naive to act in her best interest. So, whether she wants it or not, the vigilante family is going to help and protect her before she gets herself killed.

Word Count: 6,600+

Warnings: Mentions of past abuse

Previously on…

6 MONTHS LATER...

Dick threw his small duffle over his shoulder as he looked around at his surroundings.

It sure was beautiful.

The complicated and long journey to get there was definitely worth it.

Dick figured out his surroundings before starting to walk.

There weren’t many people he passed, even when he got close to the town. But ones he did, they all stared, immediately recognizing him as a tourist. The place was too isolated for people to be passing through frequently.

Dick used that infamous Wayne charm to give polite smiles and nods to the townsfolk who gawked at him.

An hour later, Dick was at the bottom of a small hill, outside the fence of a bright yellow house. On the other side of him was water – the Norwegian sea.

The air was crisp and fresh, and Dick’s lungs seemed to thank him every time he took in a deep breath.

He was lost in the scenery when she appeared at the top of the hill.

Dick noticed her before she noticed him.

But when she was just a few yards from her house, she finally raised her head and spotted him.

Y/N froze for a moment, convinced she was seeing things.

But then her face broke into the brightest smile and she was running to him.

Dick caught her in his arms and spun her around, laughing at her excitement. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked after he let her go.

“What do you think?” He chuckled.

Her smile faded slowly, and it was replaced with a contemplative look.

“Come inside,” she told him quietly.

Dick watched as she moved around the small kitchen and made them coffee.

He couldn’t take his eyes off her.

“I’m surprised it took you so long to find me,” Y/N admitted shyly as she grabbed two bright red mugs from a cabinet.

“Well, it didn’t,” he looked a little bashful at the confession. “I found your location a couple days after I got your letter.”

Y/N stopped moving for a second.

“Oh,” she slipped out in surprise. “Did Bruce tell you?”

Dick shook his head. “No. I didn’t ask and he didn’t offer up that info.” He took in a deep breath. “I think he wanted to make sure I worked for it.”

Y/N nodded slowly. 

But it was clear that the mentioning of Bruce wasn’t making her feel all that great.

“I’m sorry he never came,” Dick told her softly.

“Why?” She challenged.

After all, wasn’t Bruce his competition?

“I waited to come find you because I didn’t want to mess up what you were trying to make here,” Dick admitted.

“You could never mess anything up, Dick.” Y/N poured coffee into both of the mugs and sat across from him at the tiny kitchen table. “I was the one always messing everything up.”

“That’s not true.”

But from her face, Dick could tell she was unconvinced.

“Why Norway?” He asked, trying to change the subject.

Y/N shrugged with a little smirk as she looked out the window that showed the sea just outside her door.

“I always wanted to visit. Just never got around to it.”

“What have you been doing?” He asked, surprised to see not even so much as a laptop sitting around.

It was strange to imagine her living without a dozen computer screens surrounding her.

“I work at the preschool. And I help on one of the farms nearby on the weekends sometimes.”

Dick smiled at the thought.

“What?” She pressed.

“Nothing. Just the world’s smartest and most badass hacker working on a farm.”

Y/N shrugged and laughed. “It’s relaxing.”

“I’m sure.”

“I’ve made friends.”

“Friends?” Dick repeated melodramatically to tease her.

“Shut up,” she laughed as she punched his shoulder. “Yes, I have friends. And get this…I go to therapy now.”

Dick smiled proudly at her. “Therapy, huh?”

“Yep. I talk about my feelings and everything,” she laughed.

His smile dropped a bit and he cleared his throat. “I’m proud of you, Y/N. Really. I am.”

Y/N winced at his sincerity a bit. She was never one to take compliments well. 

And before she could stop herself or hesitate, she stood from her chair and moved to Dick’s lap, hugging him.

“I’ve missed you, Dick.” She mumbled into his neck as he held her tightly and rubbed her back.

“I’ve missed you more,” he muttered.

Y/N pulled back to look at him. “Not possible.”

A single tear had escaped from her left eye. 

Dick gently wiped it away.

“Hey, none of that,” he whispered.

“How long are you staying?” She asked him.

“Just two days.”

Her eyes widened. “That’s it? You traveled all this way just for two days?”

Dick Grayson was a romantic. 

His face turned serious. “I was serious about not wanting to mess up what you have going on here. I just wanted to make sure you were doing alright.”

“I’m doing great,” she clarified.

He smiled. “I know. I can see that.”

“OK. Well…want to go to the pub with me tonight? You can meet my friends and get to see the town.”

Dick didn’t know why she bothered to phrase it as a question. Surely she knew by now that he was going to go anywhere she would.

But he nodded anyway.

——

Dick sat back and watched Y/N interact with the locals. They seemed to have taken her in as their own. He couldn’t help but wonder how they’d react if she were to ever leave. Surely she didn’t intend on staying here forever. Or maybe she did.

But he was surprised when she introduced him to a few of her new friends and their eyes widened with joy at hearing his name.

“Oh, you are Dick? We’ve heard so much about you!”

“We didn’t know you were coming to visit!”

“Come! Come! Let us buy you a drink!”

Dick tried not to blush when they all seemed to know who he was already.

Y/N sang along to songs with them and danced with anyone who asked her.

Dick had never seen her like this. She seemed to be glowing.

“Come on, Dick!” Y/N suddenly grabbed his attention. “Come dance with me!”

He laughed as he did as she requested, and let her spin him in too many circles.

-

A couple hours later, they were walking home.

They were both happily buzzed, but were by no means drunk.

Y/N wrapped her arm around Dick and leaned into him the whole walk.

When they were just outside her house’s gate, Y/N stopped them. 

“Look how bright the stars are here!” She exclaimed quietly as she tilted her head up to look at the sky.

Dick was instantly thrown back to that night, laying on the ground of Wayne Manor and looking at the smoggy sky of Gotham. The stars seemed so bright to her then and now she was amazed at how bright the Norwegian sky was.

Y/N realized Dick hadn’t tilted his head back.

“You’re not looking!” She accused before shifting her gaze to him.

When she did, she found that he was staring at her.

“What?” She whispered.

“I wasn’t completely honest about why I came here,” Dick confessed.

She tilted her head questioningly. 

“I mean, yes, I did want to check on you. But there’s more to it than that...”

Y/N had untangled herself from him now and turned to look at him.

“I know things have always been…complicated. And I know you loved – or love Bruce. I don’t know. But I just…I needed to tell you this.”

Dick took in a deep breath. “I’m gonna wait for you.”

“Dick…” Y/N exhaled in surprise.

“Wait. Please…let me finish.”

She did.

“I’m gonna wait for you. And you take as long as you need. I mean it. I know you think that I don’t know how to be alone…but I’ll wait for you as long as I have to.”

Y/N stayed quiet.

“Unless it’s Bruce. Then I’ll–”

“It’s not Bruce,” she quickly cut him off.

Y/N stepped forward and softly captured Dick’s face in her hands.  

“It’s you, Dick.”

And before he could ask her if she was messing with him, her lips collided with his. It took him a second to react and kiss her back. But when he finally did, it was with everything he possibly had.

When Y/N pulled away, she stared into his eyes and took his hand, guiding him into the house.

As soon as the door shut behind them, she started kissing him again.

She tugged at his belt and became frustrated with the amount of buttons on his flannel. Dick would’ve been more helpful if he wasn’t so preoccupied with taking off her clothes. He seemed to be doing much better than she was.

Once they were both in their undergarments, Y/N dragged Dick to her bedroom, giggling when he tripped over the edge of her couch on the way.

It wasn’t until Y/N’s thumbs slipped under the elastic of his boxer briefs that Dick stopped them.

“Wait, wait, wait,” he breathed as he paused their kissing and grabbed her wrists.

“What?” Y/N gasped, worried that she’d read all of this wrong.

“I just…Are you sure?” Dick asked quietly.

Y/N couldn’t help herself, but she started giggling.

“Oh, come on,” Dick groaned in embarrassment, pressing his forehead into her shoulder.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry,” Y/N said as she controlled her amusement. “It’s just…you’re too sweet for this world, Richard Grayson.”

He rolled his eyes.

But Y/N’s smile softened as she stared into his eyes. “I love you. You love me. And that’s all I care about right now.”

Dick just stared at her in awe.

“OK?” She asked.

Dick nodded quickly, so desperate not to mess this up.

“OK,” he agreed before kissing her again.

——————

It was the dinging of the buoy bells and the sound of soft waves that woke Dick up. 

Maybe it was the unusual soundscape. He was so used to the sounds of cities that this was triggered as unusual in his mind.

Dick opened his eyes and his mind slowly reminded him where he was.

Y/N was asleep on his chest, held in his arms.

He smiled at the feeling of her naked skin against his.

It was going to be harder to leave than he original anticipated.

Dick tried to untangle their bodies, waking Y/N up in the process.

“Go back to sleep,” he whispered to her. “I’m going to make us some coffee and breakfast.”

“Don’t bother,” Y/N mumbled sleepily. “I don’t have any food.”

“Stay,” she added in a whine. “You’re so warm.”

Dick chuckled. “I know you have coffee, Y/N.”

“I do,” she hummed with a mischievous smile, eyes still closed. “But I want you to stay in bed.”

“I promise I’ll be right back,” he whispered to her before kissing the top of her head.

She finally allowed him to leave.

Dick quickly put on his underwear and got to the kitchen, trying to be quiet as he shuffled around to find everything to make coffee.

When he returned to bed it was with two filled mugs.

Y/N had rolled onto her stomach, her face buried in Dick’s pillow.

Her shoulders and upper back were exposed as she slept.

Dick paused and allowed himself to take in the scene before him.

He’d spent so much time dreaming of having such bliss. And now it sat before him as a reality. It felt too good to be true.

He sat on the very edge of the bed, putting both mugs on the nightstand beside him.

Dick bent down to place a trail of kisses up Y/N’s spine and then to her shoulder.

She hummed at the feeling.

“Come on. Wake up,” Dick whispered in her ear.

Y/N slowly woke up, and pulled the sheet to her chest as she sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

“You know…you’re very adorable when you first wake up,” Dick told her with a smirk.

“Oh, shut it,” Y/N warned him as she grabbed for one of the mugs.

Dick allowed her one sip before he pressed his lips to hers.

“Morning,” Y/N smiled after.

“Good morning,” he huffed a laugh.

She sighed. “What would you like to do today, Mr. Grayson?”

“I really don’t care,” Dick admitted.

He wanted to say, ‘As long as I’m with you, it doesn’t matter.’ But he knew it would come out cheesy and she’d only laugh at him. So he saved the thought for himself.

“How about a hike?” She offered.

“A hike sounds perfect.”

She tilted her head. “Maybe a shower first?”

“Shower first,” he confirmed. “Would be even better if it was together.”

Y/N threw her head back in a laugh. “I’ll allow it.”

A hike did turn out to be perfect.

Y/N pointed out landmarks or the property of friends. 

And then she’d ask Dick about his life back home. And she asked about his brothers – to which he gave great detail about each.

But it didn’t go past Dick that she hadn’t asked about Bruce.

They’d finally reached the top of their goal peak.

They were both breathing heavily. It was by no means an easy hike.

“Do you miss him?” Dick finally had the courage to ask.

Y/N shrugged, but wouldn’t look at him. “Of course I do.”

“Be honest. Were you expecting him to find you?”

“No,” she answered truly. “I knew he wouldn’t.”

Dick didn’t know how to respond to that.

“But I think the worst part was that I was so okay with that,” Y/N admitted.

Then she sighed.

“Obviously I’ve had a lot of time to think about…everything. Me and him…we would be terrible for each other, Dick. I don’t know how to read his mind. And he doesn’t know how to talk to me. We’re both so stubborn and so bad at communicating. We would’ve just grown to resent one another.”

Y/N took in a shaky breath and exhaled. “And once I realized that, I was terrified that I’d completely fucked things up with you – and that I’d hurt your relationship with him.”

“You didn’t, Y/N.” Dick tried to reassure her.

“Things would be so bad between him and me. Then there would be one single moment of good…and I’d hold onto it for dear life,” Y/N added. “And I realized that would be our whole relationship.”

Dick nodded in understanding.

He knew she was absolutely right, and it had been his biggest fear for them.

“I’m sorry,” she quickly apologized. “I shouldn’t talk about him with you like this.”

“Don’t apologize.”

Dick wrapped his arm around her as they looked at the view together.

“Come on,” he told her. “We should get back soon. I have to catch a boat.”

She nodded.

——

The walk to the boat went by far too quickly for both of them. And their goodbye had arrived too soon.

Dick held Y/N in his arms on the dock.

When they pulled away he saw that Y/N’s eyes had filled with tears.

“Why do you have to go?” She muttered, clearly trying not to cry.

“You know all I want is to stay with you. But you said it yourself: you gotta figure stuff out. And I don’t want to be the one that gets in the way of that.”

He kissed her slowly.

“I wasn’t lying when I promised that I’d wait as long as I needed to, Y/N.”

“I know.”

“You take as long as you need, hear me?”

She nodded quickly.

“But I gotta go now.”

Dick gave one final and abrupt kiss before rushing away and jumping onto the boat. 

He knew if he lingered, even a second, he might not be able to leave her.

He wouldn’t even let himself look back at her as the boat started to drift away. Because even then he was at risk of jumping off and swimming back to her.  

——————————

9 MONTHS LATER…

“Seriously, Jaybird?” Dick asked as he held his cellphone to one hear and the steering wheel with the other.

He turned to Y/N, who sat in the passenger seat. “He says he’s not coming.”

“Gimme,” she muttered impatiently as she held out her hand.

Dick passed her the phone.

“What the fuck has you so busy that you can’t have a family dinner?”

Dick chuckled at his girlfriend’s sass.

“Jason, I haven’t seen you in over a year! Please? For me?”

Dick immediately heard the tone in her voice that always brought him to his knees – and she already had him wrapped around her finger. He wondered if Jason was immune to it.

But when he saw Y/N start smiling widely, he knew his brother was no stronger than him.

“Can’t wait to see you!” Y/N sang before hanging up.

The car went silent then. The only sound being the commercials on the radio.

“Is this going to be weird?” Y/N suddenly asked quietly as she stared out the passenger window.

“No,” Dick answered confidently.

She turned to look at him. “Sure?”

“No one is better than Bruce Wayne when it comes to pretending everything is alright. Trust me.” Then he sighed sadly. “Plus, Damian texted earlier and said there was last minute Justice League business. I doubt he’ll be back by dinner.”

“Sorry,” Y/N told him softly as she grabbed his right hand and placed a kiss on his knuckles. “I know you’ve missed him.”

Dick had been jumping from place to place for the past year and a half that even when he was in Gotham, he barely had time to see Bruce. It was always in passing.

“It’s fine.”

When they pulled up to Wayne Manor, Dick barely closed the car door before Damian was tackling him into a hug.

“Hey, Damian,” Dick chuckled softly at the boy.

Y/N smiled at the interaction and walked to the door to find Alfred waiting patiently with a smile.

“Hello, Alfred.”

“Ms. Y/L/N,” he bowed his head slightly.

“Alfred, we’ve been over this…” she warned playfully.

“A hard habit to break, Y/N.” He answered with a wink. “Welcome back.”

“Jason will be late,” she told him before hugging him hello.

“Master Wayne had another engagement,” Alfred said to Dick as he walked up with Damian glued to his side.

“Damian gave me the heads up,” Dick answered before hugging Alfred, too.

Damian gave a rushed side hug to Y/N as if he was embarrassed to show her any sort of affection and then ran away.

Dick and Y/N laughed at the gesture.

“Mr. Clark and Ms. Brown are here, as well.” Alfred informed them.

Y/N gave Dick a questioning look.

“Superman’s son and Tim’s girlfriend,” he explained.

“Ahh.”

Jason did end up coming to dinner – late as usual.

But he made up for it by wrapping Y/N in a giant bear hug and lifting her off her feet.

“Easy, punk!” Dick warned protectively as he heard his girlfriend shriek in surprise. 

“Oh, fuck off,” Jason shooed.

This particular meal went off rather differently than Y/N’s first Wayne family dinner.

It probably helped that Damian was distracted with his best friend, Jonathan – who was the sweetest little boy Y/N had ever met. And Tim kept having a quiet conversation with his girlfriend, Stephanie – who was a social butterfly and asked Y/N about a million questions before dessert.

Jason claimed to only have come for a free meal and to ask Y/N why she was dating such a loser.

After dinner, Y/N convinced everyone to have a game night in the family room. Jason blasted some music. And everyone – to no surprise – got way too competitive with each other.

Y/N found it amusing to see Dick’s brother interacting with their own friends or significant others. Tim looked absolutely love stricken every time he looked at Stephanie. And even though Jon and Damian seemed like total opposites, Y/N could see that Damian really did enjoy the boy’s company.

“How did you not get The Searchers?” Jon groaned at Damian, but he clearly wasn’t actually mad or upset at the loss.

Y/N laughed at the boy. “Jon, how the hell do you even know that movie? It’s form the ‘50s.”

“Me and my dad watch westerns every Friday night,” he beamed proudly.

“I have better things to do than watch movies all the time,” Damian mumbled.

Y/N turned to Dick, who had her locked onto his lap with his arms.

“You gotta let me go,” she muttered to him with amusement. “It’s our turn.”

Dick did as she asked, but not before giving her a quick kiss.

“Eww!” Damian screamed.

“They’re in love! Leave them alone,” Stephanie reprimanded Damian, and looked at the couple – almost with admiration.

“Damian and Jon only got three in their round,” Jason announced just before he started the timer. “You two idiots ready?”

Y/N nodded and bounced on her feet in excitement.

Her and Dick ended up doing better than the younger boys. But they only got 5 right in the time limit and that was not good enough for Y/N.

“Can you please watch more movies?” Y/N moaned. “Or I’m going to partner with Jason next time.”

“Who knew pop culture was gonna be the thing that broke the two of you up…” Jason snickered.

Dick punched him in the arm before he pulled Y/N back down onto his lap against her will.

“You sure you wanna threaten me?” Dick asked before tickling her.

“I’m a winner. And you are becoming our weakest link!” Y/N managed to say through her laughter.

Even with the room filled with nothing but joyful chaos, a thought was nagging away at Y/N’s mind the whole night. She couldn’t ignore the disappointment of Bruce being absent. Dick knew she missed him – and he couldn’t acknowledge that without also feeling jealous.

Y/N just wanted to know how Bruce was doing.

But she also wanted to make sure there was no water under the bridge.

Yes, Bruce could go on living without ever clearing the air between the two of them. But Y/N couldn’t. She wasn’t that person anymore.

She was dating Dick now, who was basically his son – no matter how much they all tried to ignore that. 

Just went Jason was about to partner with Stephanie, there was a throat clearing in the doorway of the family room.

Y/N looked up to see not only Bruce, but also Clark Kent standing in the doorway, watching all of them.

Or should she say Superman? Because he was still in his uniform.

“Hi, dad!” Jon smiled.

Clark smiled at the chaos before him. “I see you’re having fun with the Waynes.”

“Dad, can I sleep over tonight? Pretty please?” Jon whined.

“Yes, father. May he?” Damian urged to Bruce.

Clark and Bruce shared a look.

Y/N had to hide her amusement at the tired-dad role she was seeing Bruce fill. It never failed to surprise her.

Clark sighed, clearly sad he was about to disappoint his son. “I promised your mom that I’d bring you home tonight. Another time, alright?”

Jon’s head lowered in disappointment. But he didn’t fight his father on the decision.

He got up to walk to him.

“What do you say?” Clark asked.

Jon turned to Bruce. “Thank you for having me over, Mr. Wayne.”

Bruce smirked at the boy. “You’re welcome any time, Jonathan.”

Jon turned to wave bye to the rest of them. But then his eyes widened when he got to Y/N.

“Oh!” The boy practically yelped and skipped to where Y/N sat on the couch.

She was taken by surprise when the boy wrapped her into a hug.

“It was nice to meet you, Y/N.” Jon hummed with a smile. Then he turned to his father. “Dad! This is Y/N.”

She stood up when Clark walked to her. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you.”

Clark reached his hand out. Clearly Jonathan got his manners from his father.

“Clark,” he introduced. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Y/N. It’s nice to finally put a face to the name.”

Y/N turned to eye Dick for that.

“Oh, not from that one,” Clark clarified with a smile and then nudged his head in Bruce’s direction, who was still standing in the doorway.

Y/N blinked in surprise, but recovered quickly.

“I hope they weren’t too much to handle,” Clark commented with a wince, knowing that Dick and her were probably supervising the kids the most.

“Not at all,” Y/N said. “Jonathan is better behaved than any of these monsters…”

“Hey!” Dick and Jason called out in unison.

Clark chuckled.

Then he looked down at his son. “Come on, Jonathan. Time to go.”

Y/N peaked through a window as the two of them walked outside and took off into the sky. 

A second later, she heard the sonic boom.

When she turned back to the room, no one seemed to have watched their exit like she had. They hardly noticed people’s inhuman abilities anymore.

“You guys are way too used to that…” Y/N mumbled.

Jason laughed lightly at her amazement. “You should ask Bruce about the first time Dick met Clark.”

“Absolutely not,” Dick immediately shut down.

But when Y/N looked up to ask Bruce to elaborate, he had already disappeared from the room.

Maybe her being here wasn’t as easy for him as she had expected. But that was so hard for Y/N to believe.

“He was his biggest fan,” Jason continued as Dick tried to tackle him into silence. “He asked for his autograph like a fuckin’ nerd.”

Y/N shook her head at the two of them. “Aww…cute little baby Richard.”

Before she could ask more questions, Damian tugged on her hand and pulled her out of the room.

Dick didn’t call after them, too relieved to get away from his past childhood obsession with Superman.

“Where are we going?” She asked Damian with a laugh.

The boy tugged her harder, clearly annoyed by how slow she was moving.

“I wish to show you something.” Then he hesitated before adding, “It’s a secret.”

When they got to his room, Damian double checked the hallway before closing his bedroom door behind them.

He walked to his giant, walk-in closet.

When he opened the door, Y/N knew exactly what he was hiding.

There was a litter of kittens and their mother in a large cardboard that had food, water, and toys for them.

“Damian…” Y/N cooed at the sight of them.

“I found them on patrol a week ago. It was raining and they were freezing cold. Father and Pennyworth don’t know.”

She arched an eyebrow. There was no chance that they didn’t know. Bruce was aware of everything that happened in this household.

“You can hold them,” Damian offered as he held a kitten up to her.

It warmed her heart. And she took the kitten out of his grip.

She watched as Damian played with them and their mother, who seemed to be alright with this new human touching her babies.

“How’s your father doing, Damian?” Y/N asked carefully after awhile.

He shrugged. “Fine, I suppose. Though I think he was rather sad when you left.”

Y/N hummed.

She was surprised that such a thing could be perceived by Damian. It had to have been rather obvious for him to notice. 

But this was most likely all she’d get from the boy.

“I see Grayson is quite happy,” Damian added.

“Think so?”

He nodded.

“I liked Jon. He’s a little cutie.”

“Yuck. He’s my friend.”

Y/N laughed. “You know, I think you’re a little cutie, too. But I would never tell anyone that. I know you’ve got a reputation to uphold.”

Damian glared at her.

But the look just caused Y/N to laugh more.

“Maybe I can convince them to let you keep all of ‘em,” she told him.

His head whipped up to from the kittens to her, surprised by her offer.

“You would do that?” He asked.

“Yeah. I just don’t know how much power I have...”

“More than you think…” Damian mumbled.

“What?”

“I think he still loves you,” the boy said as he looked down at the kittens.

“I’m not so sure. After all, he didn’t seem to even want to talk to me.”

“He doesn’t know how to behave around you and Grayson. He’s scared to get in between the two of you.”

Her brow furrowed. “How do you know that?”

“A couple nights ago, I overheard father and Pennyworth talking about you visiting. Father thought it was best to keep his distance.”  

“Overheard or eavesdropped?” She challenged.

Damian smirked mischievously.

“We should probably get back before everyone get’s suspicious. I don’t want to expose your secret,” Y/N finally told him.

The boy nodded in agreement.

“Thank you for sharing it with me.”

“Mhmm,” he hummed back.

——————

Dick and Y/N had already planned to stay the night at the manor.

The two of them stayed in Dick’s bedroom, which only got Y/N to make a dozen jokes about sleeping together in his childhood room.

But the fun ended there.

While Dick quickly fell asleep, Y/N laid wide awake.

She went over her conversation with Damian again and again.

Was Bruce really that worried about her visiting?

After failing at going to sleep for hours, Y/N finally gave up.

She started getting out of bed.

“You OK?” Dick mumbled, her movement instantly waking him up.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just gonna go get some water from the kitchen,” she told him quietly. “Go back to sleep,” she urged before kissing his cheek.

It was a bit of a white lie.

Y/N was going to find Bruce.

However, she expected to have to trek all the way down to the cave.

Imagine her surprise when there was a slit of light leaking from the office.

Y/N froze, realizing her moment of confrontation was coming much sooner than she’d expected.

Her inhale was shaky the second before she slipped into the room.

Bruce immediately sensed a new presence and looked up from the computer.

“Hey,” Y/N greeted quietly.

Her body language screamed how uncomfortable she was.

But Y/N knew she had to stop running away from the hard questions.

What was the point of going to therapy if she wasn’t going to use the resources and advice to improve her life?

Bruce straightened in his seat, almost as if he’d been caught.

“Hi,” he replied softly.

His eyes held a smile that didn’t reach his lips.

“Couldn’t sleep?” He asked her.

Y/N nodded and crossed her arms.

But she couldn’t stop herself from blurting out, “I’m sorry if it’s hard – me being here, I mean.”

Then she blinked and her eyes widened, fully processing what she just said. 

“Or maybe it’s not hard at all and I’m completely projecting,” she added quickly.

Y/N cringed at her mess of a mind and inability to actually communicate what she wanted to say.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Bruce assured her before she could panic any further.

He slowly stood from his desk and walked out from behind it.

Y/N was a bit caught off guard by how close he stood to her, arms crossed and radiating poise.

She was so used to him keeping a distance – literally and figuratively.

“I’m glad you and Dick came to visit,” Bruce shared.

Y/N nodded.

Of course he would say that. It was the polite thing to do. And Bruce Wayne was raised to be polite, if nothing else.  

An awkward silence settled.

“It is hard, you being here,” Bruce finally confessed.

Y/N was caught off guard by the honesty.

“I shouldn’t have kept the two of you apart,” he told her tenderly.

“It wasn’t just you, Bruce. I kept pushing him away,” she tried to defend.

Bruce shook his head. “But you wouldn’t have done that if it were not for me.”

Y/N took in a deep breath. “I’m glad you didn’t come find me.”

It was like they could both feel the gravity of the conversation drop.

“I needed time and space to see our relationship without,” she hesitated, “without being distracted by wanting you to want me.”

She shook her head at her own racing thoughts. “We would’ve been terrible for each other, Bruce.”

His instinct was to tell her that he disagreed.

But that was only because she saw the truth before him, and it made a part of him bitter – bitter that she wasn’t scared of it the same way he clearly was.

So Bruce’s silence said more than any words.

“I finally understood that the issue was never you not being able to find the right person. It was you never finding the person who would make you give up everything else.” Her head bowed in defeat. “And it just…it fucking sucked to realize that wasn’t going to be me. But I had to realize it at some point.”

Bruce cleared his throat. It was more to hold back his emotions than anything else.

“After everything, does it even mean anything when I say that I will always be sorry for what I did to you?” He asked her faintly.

She gave him a sad smile and bowed her head, “It does.”

Her smile brightened. 

“Bruce, I really love him,” she whispered.

It was desperate and almost frightened, like she was scared saying it aloud would ruin the whole thing and Dick would disappear.

“I promise…he loves you even more.”

Once again, Y/N was taken aback by Bruce’s words.

But it was the truth.

From the short time Bruce had been in the room with Clark, he was hit with the absolute infatuation Dick had for her. Bruce noticed the way Dick looked at her, how his body was always facing her direction, and the love-sick sparkle in his eyes. 

It had made Bruce wonder, ‘Could I have ever loved her that way?’

And he knew it was the what Y/N deserved.

“I won’t allow my mistakes to be the thing that keeps you two away,” Bruce finally disclosed. “I want the two of you to be happy.”

“Thank you,” Y/N whispered, trying to stop her voice from shaking.

Y/N faltered before she asked, “Are you gonna be OK, Bruce?”

He nodded. “Always am.”

She laughed lightly at his answer. “No, you aren’t. You’re just way too good at hiding it. And that’s why I worry.”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Y/N.”

“Well, I’m going to.”

Bruce gave her a shy smirk. “I will be fine.”

Y/N gave a stiff nod. That was as good as she was going to get.

“I should try to get some sleep,” she told him with a shrug.

He nodded. “Goodnight, Y/N.”

With that, she walked slowly out of the office and left him.

Tiptoeing back into the bedroom, Y/N got back into bed and nuzzled close to Dick.

He pulled her into his arms without opening his eyes.

“Hi,” he mumbled sleepily.

“Hi,” she whispered back.

She brushed some hair off his face and took in the sight of him sleeping.

They had officially been together as a couple for the past six months, bouncing around the country together.

Dick had done what he promised and gave Y/N her space.

She ended up staying in Norway for a year, spending 6 more months there after Dick had visited.

It was a real testament to Dick’s self control, the way he stopped himself from texting and calling her every day. He managed to keep it to a single text, once a week. He’d always kept it light, using it more as a check-in to make sure she was doing OK and staying safe.

Now Y/N looked at him as her boyfriend.

Someone she’d never had in her life before.

It was definitely a learning curve for her. But Dick was patient. More patient than Y/N believed she deserved. But that was something she had to work on still, too.

Dick was nothing but loving and gentle with Y/N. He made her laugh and smile – sometimes at his own expense. He taught Y/N that relationships could be filled with fun and jokes. They didn’t always have to be weighed down by tension and uncertainty. 

And even though Y/N didn’t understand it or agree, Dick still saw himself as the lucky one.

“I love you, Dick,” she finally breathed as she brushed his cheekbone with his thumb.

“I love you, too.” He mumbled back.

And she had no idea if he was talking in his sleep or not. 

Regardless, it was absolutely adorable.

————

Dick was a product of Bruce’s bad habits, often waking up early even when he was disturbingly sleep deprived.

When he walked into the manor’s kitchen the next morning, only Bruce was occupying the room. Alfred was probably working in the gardens.

“Morning,” Dick greeted as he poured himself coffee.

“Heading out early?” Bruce asked.

Dick shook his head. “Y/N didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. So I wanted to let her sleep in as much as she wants. Then we’ll probably head out.”

“Where to?”

Dick shrugged, “San Francisco.”

Bruce just nodded in interest.

“I can feel a lecture coming on…” Dick pointed out before he quirked an eyebrow and took a sip of coffee.

Bruce moved in his seat. “Don’t ruin this, Dick.”

Dick couldn’t help but smirk. “You do understand how ironic that is coming from you, right?”

Bruce sighed, but it was his equivalent of rolling one’s eyes.

“She talk to you last night?” Dick asked.

As soon as Y/N had come back to bed, he knew that’s where she’d been.

“She did,” Bruce confirmed.

Dick shifted his weight.

“You have nothing to worry about,” Bruce said with a smirk. His amusement only earned him a glare from Dick. “She chose you, Dick. And I’m not going to do anything to hurt either of you.”

Dick knew there was nothing but sincerity behind Bruce’s words.

But he also spent most of his life comparing himself to Bruce. This was the first time he’d ever done so with women or love or even sex. It would take a bit more effort to get over it like he had with his other insecurities.

“I know,” Dick finally said quietly.

———————

A few hours later, Y/N had woken up, showered, and gotten her things together.

Dick and her had said their goodbyes to the boys and Alfred.

Just as they were at the door, Y/N noticed Bruce leaning against the wall, watching them leave.

“Go,” Dick urged her quietly when he saw her hesitate. “I’ve already said my goodbyes.”

Y/N’s fingers fidgeted as she slowly walked to Bruce.

“Guess this is goodbye,” she laughed awkwardly.

“Guess so,” he offered with a sad smile.

‘Fuck it,’ she thought before wrapping him in a hug.

“Keep in touch with him, please. He misses you more than you think,” she whispered into his shoulder.

“You let me know if he gives you trouble,” he answered seriously.

But Y/N pulled away with a laugh. “We both know he would never.”

She took a step back. “Bye, Bruce.”

“Goodbye, Y/N.”

And then she was gone.

Bruce watched them leave through the windows.

When Y/N got into the car, Dick reached over with his hand and gave her a sympathetic look. “You OK?”

“Mhmm,” she hummed before kissing him.

“We got a long drive ahead of us,” Dick sighed.

Y/N smiled. “Yeah, but it’ll be fun.”

----------------------------------------

THE END

I just wanted to thank everyone who commented or messaged me about this story. I don’t know if I’ve ever written a story this quickly before. And it was honestly because I felt like people were reading it and they cared. I haven’t had that experience for quite some time. So thank you. 

Let me know how you’re feeling and what you thought!!!

If you’ve been reading this and not commenting/messaging me, or you’ve waited until I finished writing the whole series so you can read it in on sitting and not engage at all... we’re not friends. 

LOL. 

#all men have limits #all men have limits part 12 #dick grayson x reader #dick grayson reader insert #bruce wayne x reader #bruce wayne reader insert #bruce wayne x reader x dick grayson #dick grayson x reader x bruce wayne #batfam #batboys #nightwing x reader #batman x reader

[bunchofstraydogs]

Dazai Osamu in a relationship

Just a lil warning before you proceed: dis a chonky one, kay?

○

Depending on why Dazai is in a relationship affects how he will act with his partner.

If Dazai is curious about them, enough to enter the relationship,

it will last at best a handful of months, at worst about 2 weeks. Enough to get to know them, test them out in terms of reaction, values, honesty and morality, and get bored of them. Thus leading to him braking up with the person or, if he predicts that the person would react badly and cause a scene, get them to break up with him. But even that is dubious because i doubt Dazai would make the relationship official. He would probably just act as if they're dating, leading the partner to believe they actually are without having to verbally confirm anything, and then as soon as he loses interest, pulls a now-you-see-me-now-you-don't and disappears with little to no notice. Hey, he never said they were dating, he calls everyone Belladona, the fault is that person's for being delusional. Yes, he is an asshole, what did you expect of Dazai?

But if Dazai is in love?? Unrecognizable.

I will make a separate headcanon(? whatever these are I'm writing) on what i think a person should be like to sweep Dazai of his feet, but now i want to concentrate on what he would be like in such a relationship.

Is it possible for Dazai to fall in love? Absolutely. He loved Odasaku and Ango, perhaps not romantically, but he's definitely capable of love. People like him- aware of the world's cruelty, dealing with demons and guilt, roaming the world for the sole reason that they haven't died yet, hoping to find something worthwhile they can feel the need to be selfish about and call theirs; don't fall in love, they crash desperately. It takes a lot for them to feel those emotions, but when they do, they can never really let them go.

He would try to act as he usually does in public and try approaching the subject of his trepidation and disarray in many different ways. Distancing himself and going as far to actively avoid them would just come back and bite him in his boney ass. To effectively avoid someone, you need to know their schedule, hobbies, interests, habits, etc. And having learned that would just constantly remind him of them, they'd never leave his mind. He'd look on the clock, see the time and know that they'll be in that specific class because he knows their whole curriculum and class schedule/ at the grocery because they're surly out of their favourite snack/ doing black laundry and yes, he knows unnecessary details about them as well. After that disastrous failure, he comes back running and commences new ways to handle that person. These beta testings are for him as much as they are for them. Just how much and what exactly does he feel for that person, what buttons can he push and which ones he doesn't want to.

When i say Dazai in love would be unrecognizable, i mean it. Not superficially, where everyone can see it, but where it matters.

After doing his best to rail in the unfamiliar feelings under control, going as far as using some of Mori's techniques, the realization of the situation he's found himself in hits him hard.

He comes back as if nothing happened.

The deadpan that person gives him and a "Are you done with your bullshit or do you need some more time to brood about issues you made with yourself?" He doesn't even blink, "Oh, my Belladona! Does that mean you've missed me? Were you worried about me as well??"

All of this was said in your typical, Dazai maniac style, the only difference is that he actually wants an answer. He wants to hear the confirmation, in whatever form it may come- he can read between the lines and body language, just give him something to work with. He's desperate.

While the public Dazai persona won't change, his inner musings and his approach to the love interest will.

Osamu will, sometimes sneakily, usually not so subtly, immerse himself into their daily life. Get them accustomed and used to his presence. What this will do is cause a sense of familiar coexistence, that of people living together; make the person unconsciously continue to include him in their activities; learn to depend on him (not in a unhealthy, yandere way, but if their car brakes down or they're feelinh unsafe, Dazai will be the first person they feel the urge to call) because Dazai can be reliable and he will be reliable for that special person. He will also be the first person they share good news with as well, because if someone is always there for and with you, it's only natural.

Make no mistakes, Dazai is transparent only when he wants to be.

The reasons he does this is because 1) he wants to gauge their reaction to his great interest in them, 2) mask his subtle advances which are the most important part of integrating himself into their life, 3) to get that person in the position where he needs them to be for him to move on to the next phase of his plan.

Now, i may have said plan, but that's a somewhat loose term since what he'll do next depends on their reaction. He definitely has a rough outline of the whole thing in his head, but he's also adaptable and ready to react accordingly to whatever they may throw his way.

[I will be using l/i or LI for "love interest" bc I'm tired of writing that person or whatever, okay? Good.]

Once his l/i made effort to go out of their way for him or commit any type of love language, basically:

act of service- pay for his bills, massage his shoulders, buy crab based food or alchohol he really likes for their own fridge so that he can have it when he's over (often) even if they don't like those things especially then

words of affirmation- thank you Dazai, how was your sleep?, please take better care of yourself i can't help you if you're not making an effort

physical touch- ruffle his hair, lean on him when tired, hold his hand or wrist because it's crowded and it would be a pain to search for you Dazai

gift giving- "I noticed you were running out of bandages", "I bought you food, figured your lost case would forget to eat", "saw this mackerel, reminded me of you^^" "BELLADONA, NO >:("

quality time- spending nights with him because he has insomnia, playing games at the arcade, drive around town run from the cops

He would be overwhelmed. In the best way possible. He'd feel overwhelmingly good and pleasant and warm and worried.

He didn't feel like this, ever.

Not even with Odasaku and Ango. They were probably his first friends, but that's the thing. They didn't make his heart race, they didn't throw him into panic attacks, they didn't overwhelm him, they didn't keep him up at night because he couldn't get them out of his head or completely monopolise his mind during the day.

He gets panic attacks.

A lot of them, actually. Usually he can fake being fine, but sometimes he hyperventilates and can't breathe and all that he can smell is the blood on his hands and his chest is as hollow as l/i's eyes. He knows what can happen. They can and will be used against him. Hell, it could even be an accident. He is vulnerable just because they exist and he can't do shit about it.

He could do his thing: pull some strings, have them move to another country and never speak to each other ever again. He has the power, but he lacks the strength. He could do it, but he doesn't want to. His thumb won't press the numbers, his voice died out, his mind went blank.

The wind blows and it carries their scent with it. The bells ring and it's their laughter that resonates within. His bandages ruffle and it's the warmth of their touch he feels. He's dying, but he's not just ready yet to leave. Hopefully, Odasaku will patiently keep a seat for him.

That was what gave him away, actually.

That's when Ranpo realised, with zero doubt, that Dazai Osamu is in love.

Dazai could be going on and on about suicide.

Enter l/i.

"I found an amazing tree yesterday with really sturdy branches. I wanted to test them out today, but i promised l/i I'd go to the new bakery with them today and who would they go with if i die?? Unacceptable!"

Ranpo: "A new bakery? I'll happily take your place."

"UNACCEPTABLE!!"

With every panic attack he feels stranded on an island in the sea of death.

He's exhausted. For the first time he finally wants to escape alive. Then they walk in and the storm in the sea moves to his heart. And into his stomach and his hands and his knees.

"I'm here for you, Osamu. Everything is going to be fine."

His insomnia goes by a different name now.

It still keeps him up at night and makes him restless.

But this time, when he fills his nth glass of whiskey for the night, when the TV is muted and the trafic quiet, when he can hear their breathing beside him in their shared bed, he raises the glass to hope for the halcyon days.

●

Fucking finally. You think you're exhausted, you waste of bandages?? I have a final today I'm going to fail and actually wrote about your musky ass. You try doing that with my brain.

Hope you guys like it and if you made it this far, here's a cup of ☕ or 🍵, whichever you prefer. I wrote him as i see and envision him. Hope it all makes sense. He's a complicated character, but he is still human and he is not immune to emotions.

Have a good one~☆

I will probably come up with more things for him, because i doubt i covered everything, but for now this shall do.

#bungo stray dogs #bsd #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu headcanons #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu in a relationship

[caffernnn]

Let me just add something my makoto-rin ask.

A similar trend actually appears in fics where if rin seems to be in awe of makoto's mind-bending abilities, sousuke almost always notices makoto's physical prowess and unpleasant??? emotions. This is usually present in old soumako fics, where sousuke is almost always the target of makoto's contempt, disdain, or anger; or is always subjected to makoto's accidental physical attacks, like a punch here, or a kick there, or an elbow. It is also usually sousuke who seems to discover makoto's competitiveness, particularly in video games, or stubbornness, when they bicker whether to adapt a dog or a cat. I think this is what soumako fans see about the appeal of the ship- aside from their similarity as the caring and nurturing friend, they also get to showcase a different personality towards each other from the one they show to their other friends, namely makoto abandoning his levelheaded nature and sousuke his stoic, grumpy nature, since they have no established role yet in each other's life. Also, i like how this is an extension of the idea that no one can resist tachibana makoto when he puts his foot down, that event the yamazaki sousuke relents to his wishes. Also, sousuke seems to compliment makoto's physical strength, such as when he refuted rei's claim that makoto is gentle, and sousuke says that a makoto seems more power-hungry (or smth like that), or when he commended makoto's wrestling, or even when he complimented makoto's marksmanship in the ova, along with his hidden personality in rw. He even expressed shock that makoto could crush napa cabbage with his bare hands (or was that rin? I'm not sure). It's fun to see how makoto and sousuke are presented as a challenge to each other's physical strength, and how in fics they are portrayed to be roughhousing each other without anyone complaining about their ridiculous strength, as described by haru.

Which, as much as i don't want to, opens to another discussion. How strong is makoto??? if he can crush vegetables just by handling them. I mean, he threw an experienced sumo wrestler who seems more heavily built than him down to the floor. So yeah...how much raw strength is tachibana makoto possessing???

Makoto getting hit by a car in Final Stroke: “call an ambulance!! but not for me 😈”

Jokes aside, that’s one of the cool things about seeing Makoto and Sousuke interact, especially in fics. Both of them are used to being the biggest ones in the room, drawing attention to themselves without meaning to, and have subtly found ways to minimize themselves for their own comfort (Makoto tries to soften his edges; Sousuke is often aloof). I don’t usually read romantic soumako content, but one of the things I enjoy about their dynamic (familiar, platonic, otherwise) is that Makoto gets a unique opportunity around Sousuke to lean into his stubbornness, competitive nature, or physical strength with less restraint because he knows Sousuke 1) is strong enough to deal with it, and 2) can understand the complicated relationship Makoto has with those parts of himself. It’s cool to hear that that’s further explored in soumako stories: the mutual understanding that they both are more complex than the gruff expectations forced onto them, being larger men, and that remains true even when they have parts of them that do lean into those expectations. I’m excited to see more of their friendship bloom in the movies now that it sounds like they’re spending more time together, because it’s a unique avenue of mutual understanding we haven’t seen fully explored.

I’d love if we could see more interactions between Makoto, Sousuke, Hiyori, and Nao, for similar reasons. I wouldn’t play into the whole “Makoto and inferior copies of Makoto” generalizations I’ve seen circulate in the past, but they do all share similar motivations and character traits that make their interactions hold more weight and potential for character growth. Like, there’s a reason that Nao can cut straight into Makoto’s repressed internal conflicts at a moment’s notice. They’re all people-watchers who put all of their energy into analyzing and reacting to their environments, so one of the only ways you’ll get them to slow down and lend some time/effort to their own issues is to throw a mirror character in their way that’s just a little too much like them.

Aaanyways, I love strong Makoto and want to see him become more comfortable with that side of himself. He’s jacked and underestimates his physical strength on so many occasions (leading to those conversations about him having clumsy/careless/ridiculous strength), but he deserves to celebrate it more?? He can be a force that demands attention in the water, powerful, but he can also throw around his siblings or carry extra bags or give the biggest all-encompassing hugs -- just as powerful.

#green giants + Nao content… give it to me #PS Makoto could defeat Goku #makoto tachibana #sousuke yamazaki #soumako #meta #long post? #thanks for sending! #anonymous

[generalobi]

So I know you like just continued this, but I'm addicted to your Medlida/Daan story. Totally at your own pace, I would love to see more interactions between Obi-Wan & Jango & Jaster's possible arrival. Your writing is absolutely brilliant and I love how you wrote the Mandalorians reacting to these children forced to grow up so quick. Fantastic job.

Nield doesn’t look happy that Obi-Wan is giving them another lecture on Mandlorian culture. It’s not like Obi-Wan wants to be teaching a group of twelve teenagers a history he only half understands. Sometimes, the Force works in mysterious ways.

“The Manda’lor is usually a successive position,” Obi-Wan taps the word he’s scrawled on the wall, “Handed down either from parent to child, or from Manda’lor to a chosen successor. Te Sol'yc Mand'alor, or Mandalore the First in Basic, was supposedly the one who conquered Mandalore and exterminated the mythosaurs. The Manda’lor leads the clans, each clan has their own clan leader.”

Herti frowns, “Usually successive?”

“Uh, yes. Jaster Mereel, the current Manda’lor, was chosen by his faction as their Manda’lor and given the official title when the Haat’Mando’ade, the True Mandlorians, won the civil war. He’s elected his son, Jango Fett as his successor. I’m pretty sure I told you all this last time.”

Daria rolls her eyes, “We’re a Council of twelve equal leaders, idiot, most us weren’t listening to a word you said last time. You and I are the only ones who needed to know. Wait, did we ever tell them we were the planetary leaders?”

“That was in the original missive I sent them,” he says, exasperated, “Whether they realised exactly what that meant or not, I don’t know. Anyway, carrying on. Jaster Mereel has been Manda’lor for twenty years, officially for seven.”

“So about the same time we’ve been leaders?” Nield observes thoughtfully, “Remind me why he’s somehow more qualified than us?”

Obi-Wan resists the urge to scream, “Because, he was a leader for thirteen years before he was officially Manda’lor. Like I just said. He’s been Manda’lor for as long as I’ve been alive. We’re plenty qualified, but that doesn’t mean that we always were. We were just children, Nield. You know that as well as I do.”

“Obi-Wan is right,” Mal says, “Now, shut up and let him teach us history so we can keep our nice new trade deal.”

¬

Jango finds that the full MelidaDaan Council is a lot more impressive than he was expecting. Facing twelve battle-hardened veterans is intimidating, even if none of them are older than twenty-one. He imagines even his buir is feeling it.

“It is an honour to meet you, Manda’lor,” the oldest one bows stiffly, “I am Minister Nield. We are pleased to welcome you to our city.”

His buir bows back, “The honour is mine, Minister Nield. I only wish it were under better circumstances.”

“Indeed,” another Minister inclines their head, “We understand you have some questions about our history. We would be more than happy to answer them over dinner, if you’d follow us?”

They’re lead into the same large hall Jango and Myles had been given their first meal in. This time, it’s just the Mandalorian delegation and the Council.

Jango finds himself seated across from Minister Kenobi. The polite smile on his face is a far cry from the genuine joy Jango had seen when he was surrounded by children. That joy… that laugh. He found that he wants to be the one who makes him laugh like that. Maybe, after they’ve got their answers and are no longer in the middle of a negotiation, he can try.

Food is brought in, all of the servers clearly of age. Maybe as a statement, maybe not avoid making anyone uncomfortable.

Jango’s buir has never cared for niceties, or stood on formality. Sometimes, he wonders if Jaster prefers his political opponents and allies uncomfortable.

“So,” his buir says, “We have questions. The first is, do you use child soldiers? Because Mandalorians do not stand for the abuse of children, no matter the reason.”

Minister Kenobi hums thoughtfully, “That is a more complicated question that you know. As you have probably noticed, there are very few adults among us.”

“It’s a yes or no question.”

A girl with short cropped hair raises an eyebrow, “It’s not. Not here, not for us. Your children come of age at eighteen in war time, yes? My name is Jyfn, I was ten when we retook our planet. My parents did not want peace, so I ran away and joined the Young. We are all members of the Young. The Elders bombed and killed each other for hundreds of years, and the few left by the end were killed in the final battle, imprisoned for the crimes they committed or exiled themselves to the farmlands.”

A boy with scarred eyes continues, “The Elders blinded me. We were all child soldiers. We do not want to make the children fight, but many of us are children ourselves. Nield is the oldest, he is twenty-two this year. How do we define what an adult is, what a child is? We fought a war when we were nothing but babies ourselves.”

“Children younger than ten don’t work,” Minister Kenobi says, “Children younger than thirteen don’t learn to fight. Ten is how old our youngest Council members were when we won the war, and thirteen is how old I was. As we grow older, as our population grows, the ages will no doubt change. But, by your definition, we do have children soldiers. Some of this Council are child soldiers. I understand your discomfort, Manda’lor, however we cannot overcome our past in isolation from the galaxy.”

“I see,” Jaster scans the assembled Council, “Well, this food is very good.”

¬

It’s late, later than is acceptable to be wandering around. But Jango can’t sleep. Myles and his buir are still talking, trying to find more information without asking the Council to relive more of a traumatic past.

He’s hopelessly lost when he stumbles about Minister Kenobi. He’s sitting on a balcony, gaze on the cloudless sky. Jango debates just leaving him to it, but they might as well both not sleep together.

“Hello, Prince Fett,” he greets, without looking, “Can I help you?”

“I can’t sleep, and it seems you can’t either.”

He shrugs, “Oh you know, old memories and the usual insomnia. What about you?”

“Mostly horror,” Jango settles next to him, “We have a word for your Elders on Mandalore.”

“I know,” he smiles slightly, “Demagolka, right? The description certainly fits the Elders, though they never experimented on us. At least not overtly. They settled on lesser war crimes.”

“Like the murder of children?”

“Maybe not that lesser.”

Jango looks at Minister Kenobi’s moonlit figure. The sharp lines of his silhouette stark against the dark blue sky. He looks older and wearier in the strange half-light of the night. The subject of his stories to the children rises up in his mind. He spoke of Coruscant and Shili and Alderaan. With a civil war like the one here, there’s little chance he would’ve had the opportunity to visit them.

“Were your parents Elders, like the others?” Jango asks cautiously, wary of the answer.

Minister Kenobi doesn’t look at him, “No, at least not to my knowledge. I believe they were from Stewjon, and that they’re Stewjoni. I didn’t grow up with them.”

“Where did you grow up? And how did you end up here?”

“I think that is a story for another time,” he stands, “I must bid you goodnight, Prince Fett. Tomorrow is another busy day.”

“Goodnight, Minister Kenobi.”

He watches as the man slips back inside the Fortress, feet soundless on the tiles and a suspicion forming in his mind.

#foriegnminsterwan #ministerwan #jango fett #Obi-Wan Kenobi #obi-wan kenobi needs a hug #jangobi #melida/daan #nield #this installment we actually see some jangobi #Jaster Mereel #confused mandalorians #mandalorians #mentions of child soldiers #i think this is a 1000 words #so go me #i have a chemistry exam tomorrow so #this is my avoidance

[whentheynameyoujoy]

Yup, Sure Was a Finale

I had an epiphany. The reason why I never re-watched the final two parts of Sozin’s Comet even though I’ve popped in episodes at random many times over the years isn’t that I can’t bear the sadness of seeing one of the best, most engaging narratives out there come to an end.

It’s simply that the finale isn’t all that good.

Some honorable mentions of what was enjoyable.

(+) This

Just this.

(+) The Church of Zutara has another convert

“Are you sure they don’t get together?” Hubster, 2020

(+) The tragedy of Azula

And the fact that it’s acknowledged as such. I hope Zuko will do his best to get her help and have a relationship with her…

(+) Sokka being a big bro

And the whole airship sequence in general. It’s wonderfully paced and plotted, with moments of humor, real stakes, Toph being both badass and a scared crying kid, Sokka strategizing and protecting, Suki saving the day, and non-benders being instrumental in thwarting the bad guy firebender’s plans. Would be shame if Bryke never portrayed them this capable ever again…

And now for the main course.

(-) Blink and its over

The wrap-up feels too quick (hashtag Needs More ROtK-style False Endings). A part of this is due to how fast the story goes from the thick of the action to hastily tying up a bunch of loose ends, but the larger issue is how Book 3’s uneven pacing comes home to roost. After spending half a season on filler episodes that at best subtly flesh out established characters while dancing around a huge lionturtle-shaped hole, and at worst contradict the theme of “no one is born bad” with “you’re a hot mess because your great-grandfathers didn’t get along too well”, the frantic “go go go” rush of the second half screeches to a halt with “they won and everyone was happy because now the right people have power and it will be all good from now on yup nothing more to deal with baiiiii”.

Yes, I know, it’s a kids’ show. But goddamn, this particular kids’ show has proven so many times it can do better than the expected tropiness. Showing the characters in their roles as builders of a new world was the least that could have been done.

Oh well!

(-) Ursa

We’ll never know. There will never be a story that delves into this. Yup. Shall forever remain but an intriguing mystery. Is good, though. Mystery is better than a story where Ursa shares her son’s penchant for forgetfulness. Imagine how embarrassing that would be. Speaking of which…

(-) What does Mai see in this jerkbender?

Look, I like to harp a lot on the mess of inconsistent writing that’s Mai but let’s unpack this scene from her perspective, shall we?

Zuko forgot about her! It totally slipped his mind that the one person who prioritized the safety of his dumb ass was rotting in the worst prison in the Fire Nation—because of him! And she was rotting there long enough after the final Agni Kai for the news of Zuko’s upcoming coronation to spread and her uncle to feel sufficiently secure to release her. But then the coronation scene is attended by every single member of Gaang & Friends that was imprisoned?

So what this tells me is that either a) the invasion force had the ability to break themselves out the whole time and for some reason decided not to exercise it until after the war was over, b) Zuko forgot about them as well and no one thought to remind him there were prisons full of POWs until Mai arrived, or, and that’s even better, c) Zuko took care to free every single resistance fighter while making sure Mai would be the one to stay behind bars.

Never thought I’d say this but Mai? Honey? You deserve so much better.

(-) “What does Katara want?”

Asked no one in the writers’ room ever, apparently.

This is not so much anti Cataang as anti romance stories that pay attention to the needs, opinions, and wants of only one partner in general. Over the previous 60 episodes, Katara actively expressed romantic interest in Aang exactly, wait for it,

Once.

And it got retconned out of relevance by the following two interactions where the possibility of a romantic relationship came up, making the Headband dance pretty easy to reclassify as just one of those examples where Aang “teaches” Katara to have fun (as if one of the main obstacles to her having fun wasn’t him constantly fooling around and offloading his duties). And because the writers not only didn’t succeed in portraying Katara’s internal state of mind, but also failed to root her reluctance to pursue a relationship in outside circumstances that could change, her sudden state of unconfused once Aang steps into the spotlight has a single canonical explanation that as much as approaches coherency.

The fact is, though, that trying to interpret canon Cataang from a Watsonian perspective is an exercise in foolishness. Because there is no Watsonian justification for the ship and never has been. Bryke simply conceived of Katara as nothing but a tropey prize for Aang, never saw her as anything beyond that, and were perfectly happy to go on and immortalize her as a passive broodmare for the rest of her life.

And I fully intend to die mad about it.

(-) Iroh dips

OK, it’s been long apparent that the show doesn’t intend to do anything about Iroh’s complicity in AzulOzai’s regime in any meaningful way, and that his sole motivation for doing anything whatsoever is Zuko whom he views as a replacement son which is supposed to be good for some reason. But the finale has him abandon even that, and instead turns him full-on YOLO, idgaf anymore. It really throws Iroh’s supposed love for Zuko into doubt when his last act in the entire show is to take a half-educated 16-year old with no political savvy or an heir to secure a dynastic continuity and plomp him on the throne of a war-mongering imperialist regime where the entirety of the militarist and ruling class is guaranteed to fight him tooth and nail for power.

(I sure hope Mai’s ready to start popping out babies by tea-time otherwise the whole country is fukd in about a week)

Christ, how hard would it be to have Iroh keep the throne warm for a few years while Zuko is getting ready to succeed him? Not only would it make the whole FN reformation bit quite likelier to occur, it would require Iroh’s hedonistic ass to actually sacrifice something for once. And not having Zuko ascend to power, instead spending some time bettering and educating himself first, would be a wonderful message that no matter what you endured and overcame, you never stop growing. A kids’ show, remember?

(-) The conquering of Ba Sing Se

Gee, I feel so blessed to have my attention diverted from battlefields which actually matter to an old dude vanity project I would have been perfectly happy to assume resolved itself off-screen.

The White Lotus in general just bugs me. I was fine with the individual characters and their overall passivity when they were portrayed as lone dissenters living under circumstances where it wasn’t really possible for any single person to mount a meaningful resistance. But as members of a far-reaching shadowy organization that’s left the real fight to a bunch of kids for 59 episodes straight and didn’t turn up until a perfect opportunity presented itself to take control of the largest city in the world and bask in the spotlight?

Yeah, no.

Similarly to the lionturtle-ex-machina, the White Lotus represents a huge missed opportunity for a season-long storytelling. Here’s just a brief list of what they could have been doing throughout Book 3:

orchestrating a Fire Nation uprising;

gathering those directly persecuted by AzulOzai’s regime to help Zuko keep his hold on power once he’s crowned;

establishing themselves as a viable alternative to Ozai;

sabotaging Fire Nation’s war efforts from the inside;

countering Fire Nation propaganda (Asha Greyjoy’s pinecones, anyone?);

running a supply network to alleviate the suffering of Earth Kingdom citizens.

Instead, they sit on their asses until the time comes to claim personal glory.

You know what, good on Bryke for making me conclude that in comparison, the Freedom Fighters were perfectly unproblematic, actually.

(-) Fire Lord Dead-by-Dawn

Yes, a kids’ show, I know! But ffs, this is the same kids’ show that came up with Long Feng and portrayed courtly intrigue, kingly puppets, secret police, spy networks, and information wars. Was it really too much of me to expect something other than “enlightened despot solves everything”? Especially if said enlightened despot has persisting anger issues, no personal support system, no base of followers, and no political experience whatsoever?

If Zuko’s actually serious about regaining the Fire Nation’s honor (i.e. by dismantling the country’s military machine, decolonizing the Earth Kingdom, paying reparations to everyone and their lemur, and funding any and all cultural restoration projects Aang and the SWT come up with), then there is no way, no way in the universe that he doesn’t face a civil war, deposing, and execution within a month.

One reason why his future as a Fire Lord seems rather bleak is that little’s been shown about the actual subjects of AzulOzai’s regime. While we get a vague reassurance that “no Toph, they’re not born bad” (le shockings), they largely remain a voiceless uniform mass of brainwashed clapping seals. What is their view on the Fire Nation’s crimes? Do they associate their condition with their country’s war-mongering? How will they react when Zuko starts dismantling the country piece by piece to rebuild it, bringing it to economic ruin? What will they do when noble Ozai loyalists come out of the woodwork and begin rounding them up under the banner of “Make the Fire Nation Great Again?”

I have no idea, and Zuko doesn’t either because he’s unironically more qualified to rule the Earth Kingdom than his own people.

You know what would have been better? Fire Lord Iroh, White Lotus pulling the strings to maintain the regime, and Crown Prince/People’s Champion Zuko travelling the Fire Nation with Aang and an army of tutors to promote the new boss, only to realize that absolute monarchy is kinda crap for the people he’s one day supposed to rule and gaining their support by ceding some power to them.

I’d laser holes into my TV due to how much I’d enjoy watching that.

(-) All hail Avatar Rock

Literally and metaphorically. Aang doesn’t sacrifice anything, gets everything, and the clever solution of going about getting said everything is handed to him on a silver platter, requiring no active participation on his part whatsoever.

He doesn’t work to unblock his chakras, spiritually or physically.

He only speaks to his past lives to get a pat on the back and a bow-tied solution he could mindlessly follow.

Energy-bending doesn’t require any sacrifice from him, leaves no lasting marks, and only serves for the narrative to praise him as the rare individual that’s unbendable and thus so very very special.

The most infuriating thing is, however, that Aang is clearly shown as being able to beat Ozai without either the Avatar state, or energy-bending.

And he chooses not to. From this moment on, Aang no longer fights to save the world. He fights to preserve his beliefs, going directly against the instructions of his past lives and effectively reneging on his duties as the Avatar.

Again.

It’s not like you can’t portray Aang’s faithfulness to his spiritual beliefs as the key to beating Ozai and saving the world. But that’s not what the show did. There is no link between Aang sparing Ozai and securing a better future, quite to the contrary—Ozai’s survival ends up being a massive problem for the continuation of Zuko’s rule, and consequently a threat to the world at large. His survival benefits Aang and no one else.

Aang’s spiritual purity and his status as a savior of the world are allowed to coexist only due to a deliberate stroke of a writer’s pen.

And I hate it.

Welp, nothing to do about it now except to bury myself up to my tits in fix-it fics I guess.

#atla #atla rewatch #meta #zutara #anti bryke #anti-kataang #anti-aang #anti-maiko

[ask-hunterxhunter]

Can I have the trouble trio with a pregnant s/o? Hiw do they handle the pregnancy? How do they handle labor and holding their newborn for the first time.

Feitan

Pregnancy will be a huge surprise for Feitan. Oh, it’s not that he didn’t know it could happen, it’s just one of those things that seem to happen only to other people. Cue a mix of emotions, to the point he may not react for a second: Happiness, nervousness, insecurity… It will take a while for Feitan to get used to the idea. Yes, he is happy, he is, but he can’t imagine himself as a father, he isn’t sure he would be a good one… At the same time, he is just so excited and happy about this!

Few people would be able to notice this mess of emotions he’s going through (you being one of the exceptions) because Feitan would keep that cold self-control of his while secretly checking books about pregnancy and babies (something not even the most suicidal person would mock him for).

 Many would regard Feitan as an uninterested father-to-be since he would keep that cold attitude of his, to the point a few people would send him dirty looks while you’re out buying stuff for the baby and he seems almost bored. It’s not exactly the case… First, some of the things you’re checking do seem to be exactly the same, so whichever you pick is fine. Second, there will be times when his “any-of-those-is-fine” is not disinterest, but because he genuinely thinks that any of those options are good. And while it seems he just picked a few things at random and tossed them inside the cart, believe me, it was carefully chosen. Others won’t see it, but you know him enough to feel the warmth beneath his actions.

 This warmth, like always, is something you can only notice when you’re together. That’s when he will touch your stomach, perhaps whisper a few words to the baby (when he believes you’re sleeping)… Feitan will have the natural worries of a father-to-be and want to give you the best care he can.

 When it’s time for the baby to be born, well, nothing will keep him from being there in the room with you. Not that anyone will ask him to, since Feitan will (again) give the impression of a perfectly collected and calm person (perhaps even a little too much for certain people’s opinion), but it’s in the way he holds your hand, how he whispers to you and how he keeps looking from you to the doctor that shows he’s both excited and nervous.

 Once Feitan holds the baby for the first time… Well, it’s a moment to behold. It’s rare to see his features so soft, how his gaze becomes less severe, the way he smiles… It’s actually one of the very few times no one can tell he’s a sadistic murderer. Internally, he will swear to always be there for his child. It’s… Pretty sweet, actually. Perhaps a little weird/disturbing considering who Feitan is, but still.

 Now, while he never, and I mean never, doubts being part of the Spider, this doesn’t mean he isn’t aware of the complications involved in raising a baby when you’re a wanted criminal. No, I don’t mean “Oh, I want my child to be a good person, I should change my life around” style (please, have you met this guy?), but in the realistic sense: Moving around, staying away from you and the baby for long periods of time while he “works”, having to deal with those who hunt the Spider (he wouldn’t show it, but he would be terrified at the idea of Hisoka killing you or the baby), it’s simply not exactly the best.

 Feitan would not renounce the Spider, but he would try to balance things in the best way possible, such as not joining in any jobs during the baby’s first months, being there as you recover from giving birth, so on. And because the Troupe is so united, some of the members would offer help whenever they can.

 Phinks

He is kind of a “freaked-out-soon-to-be-dad” sort of guy (though he tries to hide it as best as he can). He may have thought about having children, but when it finally happens, it just catches him off guard. It’s not that he isn’t happy, far from it! So much that his first reaction is just to hug you! But the questions of pregnancy/fatherhood keep hitting him: There are so many things to buy. Oh, he needs to keep you safe, he can’t let those who hate the Spider find out about the baby. Will he be a good dad? He doesn’t know a thing about pregnancies, how can he help you? Oh, you need to find a good doctor. Wait, what if the baby doesn’t like him?  

 Those are normal questions, though, and you go through them together (just as with the same questions that may hit you). Whenever you’re in doubt or nervous, Phinks will be there to give you support, just like you do when he’s the one unsure about the future. Hey, being a thief and a murderer is one thing, being a father is… Is quite different.

 Those doubts don’t stop Phinks from being simply thrilled at the idea of being a dad at the end of the day. Oh, you don’t have to worry about him being the “embarrassingly-loud-and-excited” sort of person in public (c’mon, he has manners), but it’s pretty clear that he loves buying stuff for the baby with you, preparing the room, thinking about names… In those moments, he is not a murderer or a member of the Spider, he is simply a man in love who is expecting his first child. And while he also keeps his usual posture with the other members of the Spider, they can see he is over the moon with joy (a few members may even joke a little about it). Now, when he’s alone with you, there is often this goofy smile on his face when he touches your stomach and whispers to the bay. And when the baby starts kicking, Phinks is drunk with happiness.

 Speaking of which, while the last month approaches, Phinks becomes… A little (more) too excited/nervous. As the “predicted” day approaches, any moan or whimper from you will have him rushing to your side asking if it’s the time.

 So you can imagine how he gets when the actual day arrives. He’s there with the camera, all happy and while he won’t pester the doctors with every little detail, trying to tell them how to do their job, he is so nervous that you’d think he is the one giving birth (he tries to hide it and be calm for your sake, yes. Let’s just be honest: He fails). However, if it becomes too much and the doctors call his attention, Phinks will regain his self-control.

 When the baby is born, Phinks may hesitate to hold it… He is so used to hurt people and the baby looks so small and fragile that he fears he will hurt it by accident. It takes a gentle coaxing, perhaps you showing him to do it, but when he does it, it’s like something changes in him… You can see his eyes brightening, the way he smiles and gently talks to his child… He may not know how to be a father. His own childhood may not have been perfect (hey, he’s from Meteor City, does that seem like a place full of happy childhoods?), but damn if he won’t do his best for his child. It’s like, for that moment, he isn’t a murderer or a member of the Spider or anything, except for a man holding his baby for the first time.

 Like with Feitan, don’t expect the birth of a child to change his views, okay? The “change” mentioned is just how something (often) changes when a woman becomes a mother. It doesn’t strictly mean Phinks will become a good person and repent. Like with Feitan, he will try to balance his lifestyle and raising a child the best he can, but that’s it. Well, when you got together with him, you knew who he was, so you shouldn’t expect anything different.

 Shalnark

Shalnark will go from the “wait, what did you say” to “this is the best news ever” in a matter of seconds. Despite who he is, it’s kinda of cute (that innocent face of his do help). Maybe he wasn’t planning on having children, maybe he never thought about it, but he is thrilled when it happens (which may surprise him a little if he never considered it before, since Shalnark is not exactly a “family man” type). Once he processes the news, he isn’t sure he can wait nine whole months for the baby to arrive!

 Shalnark is at once completely on board about being a father, though he has no idea of how to do it (cue him buying lots of books and checking many sites). It gets to the point no one would ever suspect of him being part of the Spider when you’re out together buying things for the baby or visiting the doctor, especially when he offers that “good boy” smile of his.

 Of course he has the same worries that everyone else has (especially if/since this is his first child), but almost no one can notice it, except for you due to how well you know Shal. Yes, he is excited and confident most of the time, but there are always those moments when he can’t help but consider possible issues… It just happens. Now, when you two go out, he is that happy future dad that wants to buy just everything for the baby (and if he’s in doubt between two pieces of clothing? He buys both of them!), who can’t wait for the baby to start kicking… Again, many people watching from afar wouldn’t believe this guy is a member of the Phantom Troupe.

 Shalnark is not as reserved as Feitan and Phinks when he is with the other members of the Spider. During a job, he will be as focused and deadly as ever… As soon as it is over, while they check the profit and results, Shaknark will end up commenting about how you’ve been feeling, how he can’t wait for the baby to be born, how he can’t believe he will be a dad… Some members will find it kinda of cute (Shalnark knows how to make such a cute face that you just can’t be mad at him) and be happy for him, while others might hope the baby will be born soon just to see if he’ll shut up then. It’s not that he’s obnoxious or annoying about it, but some of them just aren’t interested in the whole “family” subject, you know?

 It might be surprising, but Shalnark can be sweet when he’s with you, so during those months he will love to have extra cuddle time, touching your stomach, thinking about the baby (hoping he will feel it move soon), imagining the future… And also already imagining training the little one to join the Spiders one day as well.

 When you start to give birth, Shalnark is actually rather good with it. He’s excited and a little nervous, yes, but as soon as you lay on the table, he stays at your side, holding your hand, talking calmly with you.

 When he sees the baby, he is already feeling that warmth of being a father… When you suggest that he holds it, however, he hesitates for a second before doing it. It’s a strange sensation for Shalnark: He is so used to see people as objects, to only care about the Spiders and you, that he is surprised at how his feelings suddenly hit him. It’s a bit like when he realized he was in love with you, but different. He slowly grows more comfortable with the baby in his arms, gently touches its face and tiny hands… So small, so delicate… For a while, Shalnark will just sit at your side, holding the baby. For once, he won’t be thinking about the future, about the Spider, or anything else that is not you and the baby.

 It's just for a moment and it won’t last (he will never stop being who and what he is, after all, no more than any of the others would), but it’s a sweet moment all the same.

#headcanon #hxh headcanon #Shalnark #Feitan #Phinks #pregnancy #birth #Hunter x Hunter #Trouble Trio #I sort of imagine Phinks like Hodgins when Angela gave birth #Bones

[realcube]

rq; could you possibly write a one shot about the reader having AD(H)D and has a really hard time focusing on core academics (math, science, english, history) because they feel scared about stimming and/or fidgeting in front of people and so they ask tamaki for help?

tw; very mild angst, fluff, stimming, i use the word ‘embrassing’ too much, swearing

words; 2.7k

it only took a moment of skimming over your latest progress report for you to understand the situation.

you continued to thrive in practical subjects like physical education, graphic design and manufacturing — the three main reasons you managed to secure your spot in the support course — but your core subjects seemed to be lacking.

for the last two years, you managed to score flying colours in all your subjects. but now, it was starting to appear as though your golden era was coming to a close. what was once a report with only scores greater than 90%, was now a range of totals anywhere from 90 to 50%.

this meant you were still passing all of your classes but these grades were only indications of how you were doing now; you knew that if you continued to struggle in all of your core courses, you might not finish your third year of UA highschool.

you simply wouldn't allow for your grades to decline further, so like any good student would, you made a list of ways you could improve.

number one was, of course, study more. however, you were almost certain that discipline and diligence aren't the causes of the issue.

number two was to ask for help from your teacher and although this was a completely valid option, you still felt like the problem ran deeper than your ability to comprehend the material. after all, you had made it this far without having to do so.

before you could even ponder number three, your pen ran out of ink. with a huff, you reach out to grab a new one from your pencil case, until you noticed that in the spot where your pencil case usually sits on your desk, there was nothing.

it was as though the void had caused all your memories of yesterday to come crashing down on you in an instant; it was almost nauseating. yet it, ironically, provided some clarity as to the location of your stationary.

two days ago, after school, you paid a visit to tamaki's house to deliver the gear he had commissioned. however, what was initially meant to be a casual interaction, somehow turned into a game of pictionary (with mirio and nejire there too, of course), for which you needed to bring your pencil case out of your bag. amidst your awkward goodbyes, you must've forgotten to put it back into your bag, hence your pencil case is probably lying dejected on tamaki's coffee table.

this left you with no choice but to throw on your jacket and begin your journey to tamaki's house. fortunately, he only lived a bus ride away from your home, yet you still mentally rebuked yourself for the whole length of aforementioned bus ride due to the fact that every time you would interact with tamaki, it felt like you were digging a deeper grave for yourself.

partially because you always found yourself oversharing with him — not that it was a one-sided ordeal — and you couldn't begin to explain why; he kinda just had a comforting aura about him. albeit you haven’t said anything embarrassing yet but the possibility of that happening was way too large. plus taking into consideration your complicated feelings for each other, leaving your pencil case at his house was a disaster waiting to occur.

or perhaps you were overthinking it. either way, you were now standing in front of his door with your school uniform and backpack on during a saturday afternoon because you had no idea what else to wear.

after ringing the doorbell, you stood as a patient statue in the cold until tamaki reluctantly opened the door and only poked his head out. “hello?”

emphasis on ‘only’, because he was truly committed to not allowing you to see him in his casual-wear, for some reason. a part of him reasoned that there was no way you would expect him to be wearing his school uniform on a saturday, but the majority of his brain was screaming about how he had to hide his clothes from you at all costs. especially since he was wearing socks, comfy trackpants and — most shamefully — a sweater with a small octopus design on it. and what would you think of him if you saw that his choice in loungewear was so childish?! it would be utterly humiliating.

completely unaware that tamaki was having a crisis behind the door, you pulled your most authentic smile and said the line you had been rehearing on the bus, “hi, tamaki. sorry for coming unannounced, but i think i left my pencil case on your coffee table when we were playing pictionary with mirio and nejire.”

“oh.” tamaki was almost too panicked to process what you just said but once he did, he immediately recalled the moment he noticed that you had left behind your pencil case. at the time, he planned on calling you to ask if he could drop it off at your house, but his nerves got the better of him and he decided to keep procrastinating the call until he completely forgot.

though, if he remembered correctly, the pencil case should be lying on his desk after he moved it there in hopes that the convenient location would remind him to return it; which it evidently did not.

“yeah. uh, i’ve got it. i’ll just go get it.” his face tingled with warmth slightly as he retracted it from the doorway, resulting in him finally realising how cold it is outside. in fact, since the eaves of his house shielded you for the climate, he didn’t even notice that it was snowing!

the polite bone in him got to work before the rest of him could react, as he blurted out, “come in, make yourself at home.”

fuck! i mean, it’s not that he doesn’t want you in his house — quite the opposite actually — but rather now he had to dart off to his bedroom before you could catch a glimpse of his sweater. but at least now this gave him an opportunity to change into something less embarrassing.

closing the door behind you, you were now left alone in tamaki’s living room. your eyes followed his figure as he dashed towards his bedroom, “odd.” you murmured to yourself. you weren’t exactly tamaki’s BFF but you were close enough to him that you could tell when he was acting weird.

but you didn’t think to much of it. actually, you were slightly grateful for this weird spike in tamaki’s behaviour because if he doesn’t want you around, that just means you are less likely to overshare and catch feelings, which means better outcomes in the long run, right?

after changing into a plain blue sweater and collecting your pencil case, tamaki strolled into the living room and handed it to you with a weak smile, “here you go.” he almost whispered, patiently waiting for your response so he could mentally prepare himself for goodbyes or another hour (or so) of conversation.

“thank you!” you basically squealed, pulling off your bag to stuff your pencil case back inside. while adjusting the straps on your shoulders, you took a moment to appreciate tamaki’s familiar attire, “oh, i love your sweater; i have a similar one with a cute little octopus on it.”

tamaki concluded that neither of you would be saying goodbye for a long while.

“thank you.” he responded with a soft smile, folding his arms over his chest as he made his way towards the kitchen, “um, so how are you?” he inquired, assuming that it was a pretty harmless question that would simply help get the conversation off the ground while he prepared tea.

“i’m good. but i don’t think i can say the same for my progress report.” you said with an awkward chuckle, standing aside as you watched tamaki put the kettle on. “and how are y--”

“what do you mean?” tamaki asked, disregarding the fact that he didn’t answer the question himself. although, simply put, this was because he found that conversation came more naturally to him when he was with you; or perhaps that is a slight overstatement. he tended to be more curious and inquisitive when talking to you and it wasn’t hard to tell.

until now you and mirio simply brushed it off as tamaki’s interest towards the support course, since you were the one who manufactured most of his gear. yet nejire always teased him as she believed that tamaki’s interest was caused by a different sort of passion.

nevertheless, regardless of tamaki’s motives, you still found yourself consistently answering his questions, “eh, well, i’ve just not been performing as well as i hoped.” you replied plainly with a shrug.

“is that all?”

no matter how many questions he asked, each one still managed to catch you off-guard. “um,” your throat ran dry, which might’ve been a sign from a deity to stop talking, but your swallowing was your way of proving that you did not care. although you will probably regret it later, talking with tamaki always relieved you.

“well,” you started, the lump in your throat growing by the second, “i guess i have a bit of trouble focussing in some classes too. but i mean, maybe it is because i drink too much caffeine? i’m not even sure to be honest.” that was lie, you were  90% sure of what the problem was, but you wanted to hear tamaki’s response before you proceeded, to determine whether he’d be open-minded about it.

“there is no such thing as too much caffeine.” he joked, handing you a cup of tea while he sipped on his own. “so it’s probably something else.”

he’s too good. it’s as if he knew you were withholding information.

“well,” you began once more, trying your best to appear clueless, “i guess moving helps me focus, but no once else in the class does it so wouldn’t it be embarrassing if i was the only one?”

“i don’t think it would be embarrassing at all.” he spoke softly, leading you back into the living room and offer you a seat on the couch beside him, which you graciously accepted. “but if you think it is, then i have something to help.”

before you could say anything, tamaki got up and headed towards his bedroom; leaving you to drink his heavenly tea while he searched. though, only a few minutes passed before you felt his arms slither over your shoulders to hook two clips together by your neck.

“there.” he said with a proud smile, “this is one of my cloaks that i use in my hero costume. you can tie it together so it covers the whole front half of your body.”

observing your reflection in the blackened TV, you smiled upon seeing for your own eyes that everything he said was true. it was like wearing a cape that goes around your whole body, and it had a nice hood! “wow, this is so adorable!” you cheered, then paused, “but how is it going to help me focus?”

“well, you can do whatever you want underneath it and no one will notice.”

ignoring the shady implications of that sentence, you moved your hand around underneath the cloak and he was right! no one would see you fidgeting underneath the cloak, and hopefully the professor’s voice would cover any sounds you made. plus, it looked pretty badass.

“this might work! are cloaks included in dress-code?” you joked, but you weren’t laughing for long as you turned to look at tamaki who was wearing an upset expression with his head hung low, “no.”

“oh.” you sighed, unclipping the cloak and handing it back to tamaki with a slight smile, “it’s fine. thank you for your help, and the tea. it was delicious, but i’ll probably have to start cutting back on the caffeine.” you gave it a chef’s kiss yet he didn’t even chuckle like he usually does. it was almost scary how your true emotions reflected onto him, as it seemed like the whole atmosphere had changed.

“(y/n).” tamaki uttered with a much more serious tone; eyes filled with determination yet trained onto the cloak in his hands. “you shouldn’t be embarrassed-- or at least, I, um, don’t think you should be.”

your eyes widened at how sternly he said the first part; granted, he became flustered when it came to the second part, but it really showed you how firmly he stood by what he was saying. you nodded for him to continue as he looked like he still had a lot on his mind.

“it’s unfair that you have trouble focussing because of what other people think. so my two cents is that you should do whatever you need to do, and, um, not care about other people... well, i mean, you should care about them, but just not what they think about you. because like, you can’t really control that--”

he found himself having to abruptly shut his mouth to stop himself from prattling on any further. especially since most of what he was saying was probably none sense that he mistook for inspirational, or at least that is what he gathered from the shocked look you wore; it was ironic how humiliated he was.

“that’s nice to hear.” you hummed, a kind smile gracing your features in place of the previous stunned expression, “though it’s hard to believe coming from someone as cool as you, tamaki.”

“cool?”

“yeah.” you chuckled, rolling your eyes at his baffled look which he must have been faking. surely he knows how highly thought of and respected he is throughout the whole school. he is in the big three, for fucks’ sake! “there is probably a better word to describe it, but you are one of the most badass people i know.”

“badass?” it was as if all he was capable of doing was repeating these words to you with an innocent yet confused gaze.

“yes!” you enthused, “so, is there anything you even have to be embarrassed about?”

“i do!” he almost whined, and without thinking, he stormed to his bedroom only to grab the sweater he cast aside earlier to show it to you, “look! an octopus sweater, isn’t this embarrassing?”

you deadpanned, unsure as to whether he was joking or not. “stimming is very different from a octopus sweater but go on.” however after a few moments of actually analysing the design on the article of clothing, you exclaimed, “oi, i have that exact same sweater! how is a cute little octopus embarrassing? plus, it would be extra cute on you because you have tentacles.”

in a moment of frustration and wanting to prove a point, he threw the sweater aside and began to sheepishly grab at the ends of his sleeves, “well, you know what’s even more embarrassing? having a crush on someone for three whole years and not having the balls to ask them out! and on top of that, being to nervous to return my crush’s stuff after you left it at my house.”

you weren’t sure if he meant to switch out ‘my crush’ with ‘you’ on purpose or if he was just confused. either way, you found yourself leaning in to wrap the poor boy in an overdue embrace, smiling against his chest as he hugged back. “that was..” you faltered, allowing tamaki to interject with “mortifying” but you were quick to correct him, “i think that was a very unique way to confess, and i'm just glad you did.”

your chuckle that followed was left to echo around the room as tamaki stood still and silent, simply enjoying the comfort in your arms as feeling the pleasure of time escape him. until eventually he whispered close to your ear, “so since i know more about embarrassment than you thought, will you take my advice now?”

you snickered, gently tracing shapes onto his back, “i was going to take your advice either way because if i don’t get good grades and remain in the support course, how will i graduate with you?”

“good point.” he hummed, not-so silently enjoying the relaxing sensations near his spine, “but we are not wearing matching octopus hats.”

how did manage to shoot down your idea before you even proposed it?

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