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chiharuhashibira · 8 months

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dude you and that anon are so wholesome LMAO i’m at work rn and their comment abt hoping work goes well is so real 🗣️

and since i’m in the mood to hop on the kaigaku request train (if you don’t mind it ofc) can i get canon divergent headcanons of what would happen if kaigaku still became a demon but continued fighting in the corps? maybe bc his S/O exists and he managed to make some friends or smth and he ends up not being well. as morally cringefail as he is in canon. like he’s still a snarky shithead (/affection) but becoming a demon kind of changed his outlook on life when he has to make a crucial choice y’know? hope this makes sense LOL anyways keep up the great work

Sorry if I took so long in writing your request >.< But as promised~ Here are my Kaigaku creations hihi ^^

Thanks @samnook for the request 🌸

Also, I wanna tie this up with my other Kaigaku creation sooo here it is!

𝓜𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽

𝑴𝒚 𝑫𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒏 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫: ��𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐤𝐮

Content Warnings: Curse Words and a bit Suggestive

=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=

If you want a semi backstory, read this first:

If you want it to be like no backstory and you're unaware of his past, read this:

=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=

🌸𝑲𝒂𝒊𝒈𝒂𝒌𝒖🌸

❥ Kaigaku has turned into a demon, a mistake that he had made before. But that doesn't stop him from working at the Demon Slayer Corps to repent for everything that he did in the past. He wanted to help other people and stop others from committing the same mistake as he did. He had managed to free himself from Muzan's grasp and you may wonder why? It's all because of his love for you.

❥ Kaigaku is still cocky as fuck sometimes. If he wouldn't be, then who is he? But then you managed to create a certain balance within him, despite all his moral dilemmas. The Demon would usually soften up when he saw you in his missions, making him want to protect you more than ever now that he has more power to do so.

❥ And when we say power, we mean it. Kaigaku's powerful, and thankfully, he's using it for the Corps and not against you all. A part of you is sad that Kaigaku would eventually see you get old and eventually die, but that's what life is. You're sad that he chose to be a demon before, but you're also happy that he's trying his best to do lots of great things despite being one.

❥ You will sometimes see Kaigaku doing some weird-ass contest with other slayers for fun, even if he knows he will win. This usually makes you smile, as somehow your lover starts to have his own group of friends. Unlike before, when he was too busy in his own world.

❥ Kaigaku seems to be wiser now. With the way he speaks and deals with problems. He's a demon, but he makes sure to resolve things as fast as possible now that "We don't have much time." He has all the time in the world, but he still doesn't want you to feel alone.

❥ And yes, when we say fights, we mean that Kaigaku could kill other demons in one slash before they could even touch you. He's protective and very loving. You know that. So, at the end of the fights, he would usually be the one who gained wounds.

❥ He clearly knows that he could heal those wounds in one instant, but Kaigaku would let them on his body because of two things. The first is because he wants to feel human again. He kind of misses that. The second is because he wants you to take care of him.

❥ A demon lover also means that he's active at night. And when we put night and activity together, it'll definitely end with you screaming in pleasure as he shows you how much he has missed you.

❥ You love Kaigaku so much, despite all his flaws. So even if you know that you're weaker than him now, you still do your best to protect him and make him happy. You will sometimes find yourself sitting on the engawa with him, just looking at the stars after a long night.

"Do you miss it?" "Miss what?" "The sun?" "Oh that. Yes."

❥ Kaigaku would often be saddened because he couldn't watch the sunrise and sunset with you now, even if he wanted to.

❥ You would often end up embracing your demon lover and soothing him, sharing his dream to see the sun once again.

❥ But of course, one day, you'll never know if a cure will come and your lover will finally come back to you in his original form. All you feel now is too much love for Kaigaku. As long as you're here, you'll definitely keep him together and away from the demonic things he sometimes wants to try.

=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=

𝑨𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒂𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒂-𝒔𝒂𝒏~

Thank you for reading this Kaigaku HC ^^ Hope you enjoyed it!

I'll reveal a little secret. So my brain is sleepy and my reading comprehension became crazy so... at first, I wrote a headcanon with a drama for Kaigaku like a story where he has dilemma because his lover was the demon slayer who will kill him or something!

But yeah, if you're lucky I might release it too HAHA!

ANYWAYS, THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN AND FEEL FREE TO CHECK MY OTHER FICS 💓 LOVE YAH ALL!

~𝓒𝓱𝓲𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓾-𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷🌸

#kaigaku headcanons #kaigaku kny #kaigaku headcanon #kaigaku x reader #kaigaku #kaigaku x you #kaigaku x y/n #demon slayer imagine #demon slayer x reader #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #demon slayer imagines #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer headcanons #kimetsu no yaiba headcanon #demon kaigaku x reader

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peligrosapop · 7 months

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I can’t sleep and have a headache, I’m in pain and sober ( weed would help 2/3 at the least)for some stupid reason. So, I’ll rant.

I went skating (as in skateboard) yesterday

did my first ever 50-50 trick (skate trick) at 40

but also pulled a muscle in my upper thigh and I’m limping a bit and it hurts. (Hi, It’s me, Pedri without free accessible healthcare)

A girl flirted/hit on me and I can’t thinking about it bc, maybe I liked the attention? and she’s cute? I get plenty of attention at home though, dunno wtf is going on.

I forgot to call my mom on her bday but I called her today and we talked like an hour and it was nice. I like my mom a lot. I don’t want her to die, ever. My dad’s death anniversary was last week and I just realized yesterday. None of us surviving family members said anything either, guess we rather forget.

The call with mom also made me realize I barely call anyone anymore, ever. Last time my older sister called I didn’t pick up and have ghosted her since. I told my mom I’m being anti social atm. I need to call my pregnant younger sister. I guess I’m the asshole.

I text with a lot of people that I don’t know IRL and have neglected a lot of my IRL friends. I even have neglected online friends I like a lot. I still chat people a bit too much, I’m afraid.

I think my current obsession with Barça on tumblr and tumblr in general helps me focus on something else but myself when I’m stuck creatively or emotionally.

I need to finish writing 4 songs that I started and are almost done. One about staring at your crush, one about dreaming of people that have passed away, one about Messi (in the most non-obvious way) and one about leaving everything behind to move somewhere else to remake your life. It is annoying to feel like I can’t when I’m perfectly able to. They are 80-90% done.

Right now I’m in between jobs doing some gigs and the break in routine and extra time to do fun stuff things has been , instead of being liberating, weird.

My fav girl friend has been really busy lately and I fucking hate it. I feel needy. And I hate it.

My boyfriend is amazing, thank god he’s there. My bff. I am a mess rn. He was trolling me a week ago saying “I read this list of symptoms of depressed people and you checked out most of them” and I laughed at him and he was like 😅. I’m not depressed. It’s okay. I have depressive tendencies from anxiety but that’s it. I’m a hedonist most of the time, anyway. 🤣 Very few fucks given but active existencial dread.

My health/body has been changing since I hit 40 and it’s pissing me off. Also I kinda stop caring care of myself for a second but getting back on track. Also need to start saving money for all the “hey you hit 40 so you may have this” health test, like cancer screenings and shit. But hey, better old than dead.

and….I need a hug. And to write poems but they won’t come out. I don’t need anyone to do anything. I just need to get it out of my system.

I wish you were here and not so far away, you know this. I punched my pillow today like I told you I wanted to. I wish it was easier.

We had a friend as a house guest for a week and he just left today without telling us, even though he was supposed to be here 2 more weeks and now he said he is with a dude we don’t talk to anymore. lol wtf is wrong with people?! can’t they be normal?!!!! You can say you wanna go see a friend, why just disappear and tell us a one like text when we asked where the fuck you are. He may come back? I dunno ahahahah. Maybe its our bad for having a bunch of moody musicians as friends.

Also, like my bf jokes all the time….when I die, be happy for me because I won’t have to pay any more bills.

Maybe this was too real but IDGAF. The end.

#mental health rant #buenas noches

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lovedetlost · 7 months

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hi bby. i had to tell someone this bc everyone else is like “cool” about what i’m about to say but i’m like mind blown.

so back in dec 22’ when i was working at a western store, this super cute guy came in with his friend. his friend was buying jeans and boots. well making a christmas list. anywho, he had super dry humor almost to the point where you might think he’s an asshole but he was funny about it. and i’m almost certain he just has super super dry humor bc he was the same way with his buddy. anywho found out then he was at the firefighter academy. he left that day and i never got his number. i never thought i’d see him again. (i found his insta but that’s besides the point). i was too scared to ask him for his number, especially while on the clock. like i said i never thought i’d see him again.

fast forward a few months (february 23’) i put my 2 weeks in at the western store and went back to work at my old job (health foods store. kinda like whole foods. essentially a grocery store but lots of healthy stuff) town over from the western one and i’ve been back since.

fast forward AGAIN to september 22, 2023, aka yesterday where i am cashiering at the register near the left entrance and i hear the doors open so i automatically look by instinct. and i see a guy and his friend. the guy looked so so familiar. and so did his tattoos. they almost resembled tribal ones? idk. and then it clicked in my head that the guy was the SAME one i helped back at the western store almost 10 MONTHS before. i keep hawk eyeing him down the whole time. waiting for him to get to the front. i knew he’d go to self checkout bc who doesn’t at that age (20s).

i finally get off my register and make my way over just before he leaves and asked him if he was a firefighter at the city he’d told me he was going to back last december. he simply replied, “i am a firefighter but not for (blank). i’m one for (current town we’re in atm).” and before i can even ask him if he shopped at the western store he goes “hey, didn’t you work at (old job)?” and i was taken ABACK!

i ask him if his name starts with a ‘c’ and he says “no, it’s an ‘a’” and then i told him nvm i have nothing. and he goes again, “i’m just messing with you it’s c****” i’m laughing and say “i was gonna say that” and he goes on to say “you just said you didn’t know. you have to be more confident” all with a smile.

i didn’t think he’d remember me bc tbh 1. i’m not the best looking in my eyes. and 2. i feel like ppl want to forget me bc i’m so weird. so i respond with something along the lines of “oh my god you beat me to the question. wow you remember me? i’m flattered” and he asked about my job and why i left the old one. i asked him about his job. and he flat out goes “i was thinking if the firefighter gig doesn’t work out i could work here with you” as a joke bc he’s sarcastic.

we say a few more things and then he leaves and says something like “i’ll see ya. have a good day”

and now i’m having so many regrets ALL OVER AGAIN! for not asking for his number. i had the perfect way to say/ask for it. i only came up with it AFTER he fucking left.

“i’ll be sure to call you next time i’m in distress” and knowing how sarcastic he is he’d probs say something like “you don’t even have my number” and i’d just say “shit you’re right. what is it?” UGHHHHHH IM SO MAD AT MYSELF RN. also ps he even remembered our convo from december. what does that even mean when a guy remembers you and a convo you two had after only meeting once for 2 hours 10 months before??

-much love bby 🦈<- idk i’m making this my signature i’m sorry. hahahah

OKAY FIRST a) sorry i forgot to reply; and b) the universe loves you bringing him back into your life; AND C) HE REMEMBERED YOU!! GET IT BABYYY. okay but now i will reply at length.

there are so many incidents in which i regret not taking the leap of faith. honestly more than once i've considered making up business cards to slip to people with my name, number, link to my nudes, because for some reason giving out a number seems so gauche these days. and i hate it! when i get home, i really am going to order some. modern dating is ridiculous and i'm bringing some of the fun back.

BUT THE UNIVERSE HAS GIFTED YOU! HE HAS COME BACK! HE HAS FOUND YOU AT YOUR NEW PLACE OF WORK!! AND HE HAS REMEMBERED YOU AND FLIRTED WITH YOU!! your friends are playing this was too cool i'm obsessed with this story.

okay that is a good line but do not blame yourself for not thinking of it in the moment. it is literally impossible to be smooth and suave while you're all flustered over a cute guy remembering you. i had a crush on a customer and i would hide every time he came in because i would turn into such a hot mess when he was around.

now, the question is, how crazy was you finding him on IG? like i fully understand and i back the FBI nature to seek out crushes i do it to every single man i've ever fancied, but is actually following him a major red flag. aka when he asks how you find him is it more than a two step process haha. because if it's not more than a two-step (he gave you his full name, or he's featured on the local firefighter IG) you can totally follow him. if it required a little more stealth than it's probably not a good move.

also, he knows where you work now. so be on the lookout for him. if he comes back in, take your chance. and ask him out for coffee. be nonchalant about it. like you ask out men all time and if he says he can't it won't make you cry in the bathroom (if he does say no it's totally fine to cry in the bathroom i've done it before). i asked my ex boyfriend out, and that's how we started dating.

honestly babe, these kind of meet cutes and little crushes get rarer and rarer as we get older (which no one warned me about and i am incredibly disappointed in adulthood). so revel in it! get excited. enjoy the butterflies. i hope you see him again! i am so invested in this. and thanks for telling me, i am beyond honoured.

and the 🦈 is yours. PLEASE KEEP ME UPDATED I WILL THINK ABOUT THIS CONSTANTLY.

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aroaceconfessions · 2 years

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i’m still very new to the whole “being aspec” thing (i’ve kinda known i was gray-ace (tbh may change that label soon) for all of my teen years but it’s only now like fully connecting for me) but i think it’s so strange and kinda scary how quiet and subtle a lot of my internalized aphobia is. like i’m not surprised that it’s there but it shocks me with its stealthiness. when i was little my parents actually were so okay with me masturbating (not in a weird way they were just pro sex-ed) that at age 10 i thought i HAD to because they never explained to me that it’s a choice. i spent like a year or two thinking i was “doing it wrong” because i felt nothing but now it’s obvious to me that i’ve just never had an interest in that stuff. i didn’t id as ace for years despite knowing that i’d never once felt sexual attraction because “what if i’m just a late bloomer.” sometimes i get bored and think “people normally watch porn when they’re bored right?” so i try thinking maybe this time something will happen but it’s just as boring if not concerning so i just leave the site feeling kinda gross. i’ve never actively thought “something must be wrong with me” but it’s like an overtone for all of my actions and thoughts surrounding sex. i have two sidenotes for this actually. 1- big fuck you to the guy in middle school who said he didn’t understand 13yos iding as ace bc “nobody has sex at that age” that set back my realization some time. and 2- i’m actually very grateful for my friends being so open talking about sex because hearing their stories about horniness helped me realize “oh shit i don’t do any of that.” for a long time i thought people exaggerated horniness for a joke but they’d be like “i got a new bullet it’s so awesome” and i was just sitting there thinking “that seems like a lot of effort for something so unimportant oh shit wait it actually matters to them.” i should also say i’m incredibly happy about how well my friends treat me knowing i’m aspec and having other aspec friends is a big relief too. keeps me from feeling like my lack of attraction is some kinda defect

no clue where this ask was going i just have. thoughts. i’m also a little worried that i might be arospec and i’m in denial because i’m such an incredibly hopeless romantic but. i’m not gonna worry too hard about that thought bc i’m guessing i’ll figure it out eventually. also i’m just not ready to unpack it rn lmao. too busy undoing the acephobia in my brain atm. and also figuring out what my full opinion is on sex in general

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #arospec #acespec #aspec #aroacespec #arose #greysexual #graysexual #greyasexual #grayasexual #grey-asexual #gray-asexual #internalized aphobia

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toxicyurituesday · 2 years

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talk about ur ocs, now. this is a threat

Hi Anon bot I’m gonna assume is one of my mutuals onsite or offsite do you even know what you’re asking me to do

Adding cws as I go, someone tell me if I missed something

A lot of this is word vomit

Spoilers for my fangan except idrc because I’m never doing anything with it

Fallen Cards [ Danganronpa ] 3/16

CWs: Murder, strong language, child abuse, alcohol, abandonment, hospital, death

Suki Hikosaburo

Okay so I think I use she/her/clove/clover for this bitch maybe idk.

Clove’s the protagonist of Falling Cards‼️ Yunno despite me not using her like ever because honestly I don’t find her that interesting to roleplay with

Anyways clove originally started off as just Kiyo’s love interest who didn’t go to Hope’s Peak but somehow ended up in the killing game bc she’s special

Now she’s the Ultimate Private Investigator 👌 She gathers information for her brother Chinen to use in court cases

She’s really desensitized to murder and comes off as really insensitive during the investigations

Suki is very headstrong, it’s her way or the high way

^ That actually ends up nearly killing Hoshi ( and indirectly kills glooms if she fucks up during Chapter 4 )

Backstory stuff timeeee

Clove grew up in an upper class household

Has the whole picture perfect family ( 1 mom, 1 dad, 1 brother, and her ) going on here

Anyways her mom runs a private investigation firm

Suki went to a private school

During her second year one of the teachers was murdered

This bitch stuck clover nose where it shouldn’t and ended up getting 2 students and another teacher arrested

Homegirl is fucking ecstatic that she got it right and somehow convinces her mom to let her intern at the private investigation firm when she’s 14

Good job ig 😥

Just realized Maru might be reading this hi Maru don’t tell anybody in the Discord about the Hoshi stuff please and thank you

Anyways

She’s 16

Originally I was gonna put clover in a poly relationship w/ Kiyo and Sonoda but that’s on that backseat burner rn cause fuck love more murder

Friends with: Chinen, Kiyo, Sonoda, Umeko, Umeda, and Aoki

Chinen Hikosaburo

Ooooh we do not talk about why he was created in the first place

Anyways he’s straight now bc of that

The only cishet guy ever

He has the fattest crush on Kiyo ( who acts like they don’t know because they’re not willing to lose a friend and does not at all like him in that way )

Honestly the only reason I ship SuKiyo nowadays is so that I can say Chinen got cucked by his sister lmao

Hi Maru if you’re reading this SatoKiyo4lifers

He has so many friends what

Ladies’ man ( apologetic )

He’s persuasive! And kinda manipulative but we don’t talk about that

Is it weird to call your own oc hot cause if not 😁

I’m kidding he’s just well dressed

I have a twisted view on what frat boys act like and that is exactly what Chinen is

Anyways he’s Suki’s twin‼️

He’s the Ultimate Lawyer

Guy won a shit ton of debates AND got something in his town’s law changed

He says he’s hot shit and he means it

Friends with: Suki, Kiyo, Sonoda, Mizuki, Takeshi, and Aster

Kiyo Watanabe/Brooke Allen

“Koro do you ever shut up about them” Of course I do how do you think I catch my breath? Through my nose? Anyways

Kisses them on the cheek then throws the box I put them in into the ocean ( affectionate )

The only reason they’re the Ultimate Florist is bc at the time I was obsessed over Flowershop AUs

It ended up working out really well so

Their hair is dyed brown, natural hair color is black

They’re nearsighted and cannot see out of one eye completely

Anyways I wanna talk about their backstory

Their actual name is Brooke Allen ( they never had it legally changed to Kiyo Watanabe for some reason??? They’re fine with being called Brooke btw, they actually kinda like it better than Kiyo [ bonus points for Brookie /j don’t call em that ] )

So anyways they’re white British and lived in England for the first 12 years of their life

Their dad was named Remington [ Remi for short ] and he ran a somewhat popular business

Their mom’s named Heather and she had no job

Remington was uh,,,,an alcoholic

Honestly he never did anything to Brooke when drunk cause he always passed out, but it was annoying for her to have to drag him from the couch and to his bed

It was when he was sober

He wanted Brooke to take over the business when he retired so he pushed their education to the extreme

Whenever they got a question wrong, he would drag a needle across their skin just enough to draw blood

They have a lot of fading scars bc of this, and are very ashamed of them

One day he kinda punched Brooke in the eye while they had their glasses on

And ended up breaking the glass and completely scarring their left eye, hence why they can’t see through it present day

He actually hugged Brooke after that but that’s like the only “”””affection”””””” he showed them ever

Heather doesn’t do jack shit because she’s normalized this behavior

Fast forward to when they’re like 13

The family is in Japan for a year bc Remi got a contract

During this time Brooke meets an old man named Akira who runs a flower shop

Neither Remington nor Heather really cared about where Brooke went as long as they weren’t dead

So Brooke went over to this flower shop every day

Sometimes Akira would give them candy for helping move pots around for him

Most of the time they would just hang around his kitten Ultra Gurl Strawberry ( or Ugs for short )

Or some of the regulars ( specifically Alicia, Daku, and Chinen )

At the end of the year Akira closed his shop down for the day and took Brooke out for ice cream and they said their goodbyes :)

Yunno until Heather collared them to a bike pole in some fit of desperation to keep them in Japan bc she’s seen how much happier they were

Brooke was stuck in the rain until the next day

Alicia, her boyfriend Daku, and some friends are in the area and find this drenched 14 year old passed out on the floor and chained to a bike pole

They can’t break the chains and none of them have charged phones so they pound on the flower shop’s door because it’s like the closest shop

Akira drives to his shop to get ready for the day and sees this group of teenagers panicking

Brooke’s still asleep/passed out despite all the racket

Akira ends up breaking the chains off with a plier ( wasn’t able to break off all the chains w/o hurting Brooke )

Brooke ended up in the hospital and didn’t wake up until the next day

A bunch of this is emotional stuff and I cannot put that into words so we’re skipping to the adoption 👌

Daku’s moms ( Akira [ a different Akira ] and Amai ] adopt Brooke

Remington is paid off to fuck off

Alicia is still Brooke’s best friend

Also while Brooke is helping old man Akira run his flower shop, Chinen offers to find a new name for them

Brooke is reluctant but decides to forget their past entirely

They’re Kiyo now

Old man Akira dies btw

Kiyo is devastated

He ended up passing his flower shop onto Kiyo

Anyways Kiyo dresses goth because Amai and Daku do it

I’m gonna come back to this w/ more characters because this alone took me a shit ton of time to write and my phone’s at 10 percent

#dr:fc

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suedrawl · 1 year

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sue ramble/vent, trying to get brain to process and figure out how to tackle social media and interacting with others

i guess while i am in the process of using tumblr more—it might be a good idea to reconsider a lot of social media, and by default, friendships/socializing/what i really want to do vs what i am doing out pure habit. like, It’s Always Been that Way without having any awareness to consider…hmm, maybe that’s unhealthy, maybe this isn’t fun. so on. not all of it is inherently good or bad, but ready to move on and find a better path

it’s a variety of things that interconnect. small stuff like making sure i’m following/unfollowing/setting more practical tactics. to putting my foot down and communicating firmly over anything that may come up. this also will help me hopefully to figure out how i want to handle art and business side of my persona. i run a discord server and ultimately at the end of the day, a lot of that is my responsibility and there’s no way in hell i’m going to neglect it. but it’s not my job—i got fussed at that a year before, was grounded by my friends. so i’m far from flaws—fawning, people pleasing, helping. it’s a weird balance and sometimes goes up and down. then there’s my struggle with handling 1v1 and connecting to friends individually. and finally, real life and touching grass

so that mess of a paragraph shows the chaos and goals that are all over the place. but it’s progress. one thing that has been helping me is trying to spin both irl world and my internet usage on similar fields. ie—no, i do not need a ton of friends here and just because i dont go out every weekend means i’m not being social enough. or that “if i was hanging with irl friends the way i do online?” which made me realize that it’s not necessarily healthy to spend hours with a friend or a group everyday for hours at a time. i couldn’t handle that—going to a coffee shop, a meeting, meeting multiple friends throughout the day? Either of these sides don’t translate perfectly, and sometimes can vary.

and finally, i’m beginning to feel more on track with being myself, taking up space, and embracing my hermit aura. i think for years and years i was scolded for my like of solitary, and still clashed with my inherent habit of getting involved with communities, how important it is to help others, and loving to meet new people. but i’m getting pretty clear signs from others and the universe about where i need to shift—and if not, then it’s all learning in the end

i might make a simple to -do list, post it here? lately lists have done nothing for me, which is usually one of those time management techniques i need. some i think is forcing myself/i am out of practice. but the other bit is exhaustion. i always ramble about this, but god i can do so much more and it’s easier to do basic tasks to actual goals when i feel well. my brain is <insert some computer analogy>, so it keeps having BSODs, memory problems, the limited CPU can’t handle all the things that need to run inside my brain. so everything feels twice as hard and exhausting

mmm it is nice to be able to go beyond a word limit and just blog XD, it does help. i’ve been struggling as well to keep up with journaling and other practices that help with self-therapy

rn tho, feeling pretty anxious—I think it’s bcs I had too much coffee. but i turned off the PC, moved to the bedroom to quietly read or do art. Pablo’s already crashed; I feel safer if he’s right by me when i get all antsy

#sue personal #chronic illness #im sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!

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jayflrt · 2 years

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Aww Alice you're so sweet ty 🥺 I haven't had a lot of free time to come and just talk to people but my 5 week class ends tomorrow (!!) and I did a ton of work for my internship (bc yes I have the 2 classes along with 2 jobs 😭 perhaps my absence is a little more justified) so I think I'll be able to relax for a few hours today :) my roommate and I are planning to watch another episode of iland today and I'm HYPE I'm really falling for everyone again soooo much also DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THE JAPAN GROUP SHOW??? I just found out that it's actually going to be a show omg 😭 I looked at all the trainees and they're so young oh my gosh my friend jokingly (or not) said she wanted to drive the youngest home from school and stop to get ice cream on the way jfjsjsms I'm assuming it'll be some sort of a survival show but I haven't looked into the details but I'm EXCITED 🤩 I've missed K and Taki and Nicholas and EJ so much!! Although I'm wondering if they'll even be on the show since they are guaranteed spots?? Either way I can't wait to have my heart ripped out 🥰🥰 and honestly upper side dreamin' is such a VIBE I really love it 🤩 I can't wait for their new comeback!! It's going to be awesome!!

I cant wait to check out your works!! The spiderman fic sounds so great jdjejjeb and even tho the enha brainrot is really bad lmk pls keep me on the tag list for your other accts too!! Since I don't check my feed hardly ever anymore, my notifs are my source of what's going on! I don't wanna miss out on anything by our talented Alice!! Hope you're taking it easy and enjoying your summer as well 💙

omg does that mean you’re on break rn ?? :o how were your finals ?? i hope everything went well! 🥰💕 also oh my gosh ??? YOURE DOING SO MUCH PLSSS YOU ARE DEFINITELY JUSTIFIED WITH HOW BUSY YOU ARE 🤧 but wow an internship and two jobs ?? get that bag 🤩

what episode of iland are you and your roommate on?? :’)) hahah it’s so funny bc the friend i watched iland with became a bigger carat than an engene 😭 she saw performance unit and fell in love ♡

ALSO YES I DID !! i’m rlly glad k, ej, taki, and nicholas are fixed members bc i don’t want them to have to go through all that stress of fighting for a spot in the group again 😭😭 since it’s a survival show it would be kinda cool if the four fixed members had “teams” that they trained or mentored or something :o also i’m excited for enha’s comeback too!! did you see the concept pics? 😵‍💫 they had my head SPINNING

AHHH I RLLY HOPE U LIKE THE FIC :’)) i was in suchhh spiderjake beainrot for days bc of that fic omfg 😵‍💫 omg i’m so honored PLS but yesyes ofc i’ll add you to my perm tag lists !! tumblr’s super weird with notifying so i hope the tags work! and yesyes my summer’s been going well & i hope yours is too!! 💕💕

#💌 : love notes #baekhyuns-lipchain

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annebrontesrequiem · 2 months

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hi! when u search sunne in splendor on tumblr ur post https://www.tumblr.com/annebrontesrequiem/705559484360163328/i-do-think-its-a-bit-of-a-pity-that-sharon-kay is one of the first that comes up. i’m 66% of my way thru my first read of it (also my first of any of her books). i’m at the part where edward decides to kill george to hide his (apocryphal?) first marriage...and it’s starting to drag a bit. i know sunne in splendor sacrifices quite a bit of the historical part of historical fiction to make richard Correct, but it also sacrifices the fiction part of historical fiction bc richard is prob the most boring character bc he’s almost always Correct. i think the reason it’s starting to drag for me is it’s getting to a point that a lot of the ambiguity that the earlier part so good is quickly disappearing (i read the first two thirds in two days and then nothing today bc i keep getting to the marriage bit and kinda groaning). is edward’s first marriage apocryphal- like the claims richard didn’t kill those kids? basically im hoping u can give me motivation to finish the last third

it’s really a remarkably well written book for a first novel- my library has the thirtieth anniversary edition, which i guess is re-edited by skp from the original. do u have an opinion on which version is better? a author i liked re-edited a diff series for a tenth anniversary edition and made it substantially worse. what skp chooses to include/exclude is sometimes really odd to me. what are some of ur fav moments from sunne and splendor/what odd about it to u?

i really like all the deeply odd character interactions, like isabella thinking about lancaster saying he’s against wife beating, or will hastings lying in bed w jane shore and erectile dysfunction heartsick bc he can’t ask ned to not sleep w her bc will’s afraid bed will say no. what a wild and weird and well written dynamic! honestly made hastings my fav character rn. i also really liked marg of anjou

Hey anon! Sorry for the long wait time getting this ask out, I wanted to make sure I answered everything fully and was a bit too busy to do so before now.

With Sunne, even someone like me who will defend it until I die, I definitely agree there is a lull period. To me after the whole drama with Anne is concluded there’s a bit of a letdown as the plot moves towards its finale. This could be because Anne Neville is the best character to me, but I also think it’s because there’s this sense of anticipation towards the back end. This is really where Penman begins to play fast and loose, and as such it becomes much more dramatic for the audience, trying to see how this all is going to come into play. But in the interim while Edward’s still alive, there certainly can be a sense of boredom.

As to the first marriage, it’s a little complicated. Unfortunately I don’t have any of my proper history books on me right now, so you’ll have to have some sketchier sources from me. And disclaimer that this period of history is absolutely not my area of expertise, and I want to work on reading more about it since I find Richard III so fascinating. Basically, there was this idea – according to Charles Nicoll in The Lodger: Shakespeare on Silver Street yes I am straight up yanking this quote from Wikipedia I’m sorry – that:

“Handfasting was legally binding: as soon as the couple made their vows to each other they were validly married. It was not a temporary arrangement. Just as with church weddings of the period, the union which handfasting created could only be dissolved by death. English legal authorities held that, even if not followed by intercourse, handfasting was as binding as any vow taken in church before a priest”

Thus there is the idea that Edward plighted his troth to Lady Eleanor Butler, thus making his marriage illegitimate, and all his children too. I haven’t read Sunne in a while, but I’m pretty sure Penman essentially presents this idea of what happened.

Mortimer Levine explores the idea of a precontracted marriage in his “Richard III – Usurper or Lawful King?” which is in part a review of Paul Murray Kendall’s Richard III, which I haven’t yet read but I own and I know is very partial to Richard. According to Levine, the existence of a precontract remains shaky at best – even in the act in which it is brought up, the contract does not take center stage but is rather part of a list of many. Not a great sign that Richard III himself truly believed in the contract. The idea that Clarence was killed over the contract is also pretty ridiculous. I feel like I've made my stance pretty clear on old posts, but I should say I think the idea that Edward had a marriage which made his children illegitimate is obviously just politicking and has absolutely nothing to do with any historical fact. In real life it was a tool for Richard's (successful) bid to the throne. Much like the idea Richard didn't kill his nephews, this is not - to me - part of any viable historical reality. And the impact of the claim is, of course, more important than whether or not it was real. The whole article does a much better hash of it than I can, and if you have Jstor I would high recommend the read since it’s not that long.

As to Richard being boring, I find the personal things in his life – his marriage, his guilt, etc. – more interesting than the court politics. Once Edward – and Edward his son and Anne – are dead this definitely picks back up. So if that was what interested you, I would hold on for a bit – if you haven’t finished the book in the past few days of course

The version that I have read is I believe not the 30th anniversary edition. The ISBN is 978-0-312-37593-5; if you want to compare with your version. As such I can’t say which is best, but I must say that you’ve intrigued me and I would love to track the 30th anniversary copy down now. What I wouldn’t give to read the manuscript now being held by the Richard III Society I cannot say. I know a great deal was cut by her editors – if that can be believed – and though edited books are surely better, I cannot help but want to read the original labor of love. Maybe someday.

My favorite moments are, as alluded to, the scenes involving Anne. This is partially a thing that has always been the case with me and historical figures. I think Josephine Bonaparte, for example, is much more interesting than Napoleon. And Anne is truly a fascinating woman in her own right, having been married to both the heir to the Lancastrian throne and the last York king. I want to read two of the most recent biographies out about her someday, I’m sure they would be fascinating.

In the book of course theirs is a love match for the ages, and let me tell you when I first read this book at the age of about 13 I was absolutely obsessed with them. I was also very into the Secret Garden (musical) at the time, and Anne and Richard and Lily and Archibald definitely blended in my mind a bit. I also think that Anne helps make Richard as a character more interesting. As you say, Richard can be boring for how purely good he is, and though Anne is also a very good character, I think she brings out an interesting part of Richard.

Another scene that I love is when Edward is talking to Elizabeth (Woodville) and says that Richard is alas an idealist and a romantic, as contrasted between him and George. That scene has stuck in my mind since I first read it, and I just cannot stop thinking about it.

I also love the scene right before Richard dies when the atmosphere is truly perfected. I just remember so well the stagnant, hot, languid August air that seemed to pervade the scene, so well that I remember myself in that moment reading it as being in late summer, though I first read the book in May. I also think it really captures Richard’s feelings in that moment well; tired, missing his family which has all died essentially (besides perhaps his nieces and nephews and sister-in-law who surely despise him). Richard comes off to me as almost suicidal in that scene, and bleakness is riveting in a way that I find difficult to reread. Thus his death becomes in a strange way cathartic, though bleakly so. Penman had the makings of a tragedian, makings which were honed in her later books. We see the seeds of it here. But the scene is very out of place when you consider the scenes of Richard’s childhood. It is strange for how full of despair it is. I think that’s why it’s so haunting. Of course, nostalgia could be blinding, but that is how I remember that scene.

I also like when Richard is mulling over the parallels between him and Anne and Richard II and Anne of Bohemia. I honestly think that like set off something in little me’s brain. Sometimes I imagine how interesting it would be to write a paper or a dual biography comparing them. When Richard speaks of Henry Duke of Gloucester and Eleanor, his wife, being forced to do penance that also stuck with me. I agree anon, it’s these strange little moments that are so fascinating. A true sense of historical scale. I like that Penman was not afraid to make her cast huge. And that though the book is so extremely partial to Richard, she does ultimately, I think, give a great deal of characters grace.

I also like her portrayal of Marguerite d’Anjou. If you enjoy that and you enjoy this book overall, I’d highly recommend When Christ and His Saints Slept about Stephen and Empress Maude. I think Maude is similar to Marguerite in some ways, expect much more complicated.

As I said in that post, I really think Penman hit her stride with the Plantagenets. Though she certainly has her heroes and heroines, her characters become even more conflicting and grey – Robert, Maude’s brother, stands out to me in this regard. I adore Penman as one of my favorite authors, but Sunne really is imperfect for all that I adore it. Not that I won't stop defending it until the day I die of course. I hope you get to the end, and I’m glad you enjoyed so far!

#sharon kay penman #the sunne in splendor #asks #anon

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bisluthq · 5 months

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I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’m a little dizzy right now (or lightheaded? Idk) for some reason but your blog is really cracking me up today in a way that it hasn’t in years. also like I’m reading this and damn I know so much about you (not in a creepy way I just used to read your blog a lot during pandemic times and have a really good memory when it comes to useless stuff) and it feels weird so idk sorry I guess why do I feel drunk when I’m not anyway uh my uncle actually lives in ukraine rn bc he wants to make money there from a titanium business (? Idk either) and idk why I’m saying this but if you move there pls stay safe also I remember when you first revealed you grew up there I was so shocked idk why like I knew you had family there but? anyway

I’m not moving there lol and I might get less active on here in the next few days because guess what besties????!!! I found a home for the doggo. He’s going to stay with this lady called Val who runs a doggy daycare from her house and also does overnights and longterm stays and even apparently like dogs whose owners emigrate and who either can’t take them or who need some months to like figure the paperwork and shit out and she is cheap as shit and seems nice!! So dog and I are going there tomorrow morning and hopefully he gets along with the other dogs (that’s the only thing she’s worried about) and then isn’t my problem anymore. We did have a fight today about the dog again lol so it’s very exciting that this will stop being a thing and I can focus on repairing the relationship and like living my little life again instead of sitting here sulking and being sulked at. It is a little insane I have to repair a relationship over a bloody DOG but again the dude’s weird as balls and has a lot of issues with environments and such and as I say I’m starting to think is on the spectrum because that would make a LOT of things actually make sense.

Also lol @ ur uncle like wtf is up with that is he like a war lord that’s kinda wild.

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tequatls-favorite-spoon · 8 months

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ok. i have been Thinking about onyx’s relationships. and i’m pretty decided now that she’s gonna be poly, mostly bc she works so well with so many characters, and also they all look so cute together <3 but now i’m trying to figure the like. timeline of things??? and hoo boy

i’ll make the full timeline in a separate post, but i’ll sum up stuff real quick here. onyx was in love with trahearne, tragically that didn’t work out cuz he died rip. she’s real sad for a while, so she ignores the beginnings of some feelings for braham and caithe. after kralk, she and canach have a brief and casual fling, and then onyx ends up falling for jayrim while hanging out in elona. they eventually have to split up, especially with onyx having to leave elona and jayrim wanting/having to stay. during ibs, onyx’s old crush on braham pretty much punches her in the face. when he becomes primordus’ champ, onyx is SUPER worried about him. when she finds him alive after the fight, she gets rly emotional, like telling him how much she cares about him and stuff. she knows her feelings are more than a lil crush now, but refrains from making a move bc braham needs some time to recover (both physically and emotionally). in eod, caith and onyx have some real cute moments as aurene’s moms, i think jayrim pops up again with the corsairs here, and i really like the idea of onyx asking out braham after the engagement party. the big issue now though, is that i feel like caithe and onyx should have started dating after onyx and jayrim dated, but before onyx has her big Feelings Epiphany with braham at the end of ibs. that basically just leaves me with ibs as the timeframe, which is rough bc i don’t think caithe shows up during ibs at all?

ok. so. i’ve thought of two options rn. one: onyx meets up with caithe after leaving elona, and that’s when they start dating. two: they spend time together in the eye of the north and end up dating

this got. really long lol. so my rambling is below the cut! ur welcome lol. also if u just wanna see what i ended up going with, i put a silly lil diagram at the bottom o7

option one works, but i feel like onyx would have left elona bc of the start of ibs? like she leaves because she has to go to the charr rally thing. i guess maybe she could’ve still had time to swing by the grove and hang out with caithe? but idk. i could just make up some other reason that onyx had to leave, like maybe her family or something? ok, that has some promise!

option two feels a bit more possible to me, but i’m also not super sure how much caithe was at eotn during ibs. also, there was a lot of war stuff happening so idk if they would’ve had time for dating?

ok i’m kinda leaning towards option one now… like, onyx gets contacted by her family that they need her to come back for like a wedding, or to celebrate an achievement of one of her siblings? one’s trying to be a minister, one’s in the seraph, and another one is a priest, so any one of them could have done something cool enough to warrant onyx going back to see them. (also i promise i didn’t forget jasper, around this point in time he’d too busy partying to do anything worth onyx coming home for lol) so with onyx going back, she says that while it’ll be a long time, she’ll come back to elona afterwards! or, if jayrim wanted to… she could come with? and jayrim tells her that this has been great, and she loves onyx and all, but she can’t stop being a corsair. and onyx can’t stop being the commander. either way, this isn’t gonna work out forever, so… maybe it’s best if they end it now. and so they agree to break up but they’re both sad about it :(

so then maybe onyx and caithe starts as a kind of rebound thing? like they run into each other, and start hanging out. and hm! she’s feeling some things! onyx thinks back to their talks together as they took care of bb aurene, and now that she thinks about it, she might have had some feelings for caithe at the time? and these current weird feelings feel a lot like those?? wait has she been kinda in love with caithe this whole time??? and then they start dating :3c

also, i think onyx and caithe would talk about braham during or after ibs? bc like, i want onyx to be kinda freaking out over her feelings for braham, but i don’t want her to be kind of cheating on caithe :/ so maybe they have a convo early on about like, possibly being a poly/open relationship? i could see onyx thinking about this since she just had that whole thing with jayrim, so maybe at the time she’d be kinda hoping to get back together someday? either way, i feel like caithe would be pretty open to it, cuz i’m sure sylvari aren’t that monogamous. i feel like caithe would just want onyx to run it by her before she adds somebody yknow? and she’d run it by onyx if she liked anyone! tho i don’t think she would? i think caithe wouldn’t really be looking for another partner. like, i think caithe would like a monogamous relationship, but she’s also ok with a poly one, especially if they keep up good communication and that onyx doesn’t like, forget about her or something. yeah. i think that the idea they’d have for their relationship at first is that caith would be dating onyx, who would also be dating braham, and then also jayrim. but then caithe and jayrim would start dating eventually too :)

OH ALSO!!! i could always add yao…. bc im Love Them. and i could see them dating onyx and braham… oohhhhhhh that’s so cuteeeee….. lol and then the polycule is two triangles, which is kinda fun!

ok tldr ig. the polycule is eventually gonna be this: caithe is dating jayrim and onyx, who are dating too, and onyx is also dating braham and yao, who also are dating too :3c here is a diagram

#regan rambles #long post #onyx velazquez #jayrim beastcharmer #caithe #braham eirsson #zhou yao #i think i’ll tag them with their full name??#sure idk #i wonder if i should do that thing other ppl do where they have like a thing to mark their tags?#like tagging ‘c: caithe’ instead of just ‘caithe’#anyway #yeah i originally had a tentative timeline here too #but that made this INSANELY long #and also i figured out roughly where i want onyx/caithe to go after i’d already typed up the whole timeline lol #so i wanna redo part of it anyway #so that’ll be a separate post ✌️#kiiiinda hope this doesn’t just pop up in the canon character tags?#mostly cuz it’s so stupid long lol

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honeykyeom · 1 year

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YES ITS ME 🌙 ANON HIIIIIII 🫶🫶🫶 i missed you too!!!!! i’m so glad to have you on my tl again!!!!! tbh i don’t really find much interesting on here anymore (did a cleanse of my following and unfortunately a lot of writers i liked had to be cut), but i’ll be sure to check in for you bby! ✨🫶 loona island ….. sigh, it’s just such a rollercoaster that i feel like i’ve separated myself from a lot of it for self preservation atp, like i don’t even let myself listen to their songs off streaming platforms bc i know i’ll spiral ☹️ but i’ve been busy anyway, it’s just hard not knowing what’ll happen at the end of all of this 😔 but i hope we will make it through and all be better bc of it … sending lots of love, honey 💛💛💛

hiiiii 🌙 anon bb!!! (ik you sent this over a month ago atp but yk… the mental illness SKDHSJD) and tbh that’s how i feel with the writing space rn too! i just haven’t been reading as much mostly bcs of time </3 and ik i say this all the time but i want to really get into writing again 😭 i miss it!!

and it’s crazy how much has already happened on loona island since you sent this,,, it’s weird bcs i want to be happy for oec+ & chuu and they’re finally being able to do what they want, but the other 7….. 😞 the fact we haven’t heard a thing from hyeju is KILLING me 💔

#signed sealed delivered 💌#🌙 anon #im giving you your tag back <3 my first official regular anon! rightfully so!!!

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justkeepdancing-nemo · 1 year

Text

Failing Nemo || Romo Texts

Summary: On the last week of the term, the stress from uni becomes too much for Nemo.

Part One of Finding Nemo: Uni Arc

tw: anxiety, depression

DECEMBER 13

Nemo Bae

hey heeeeeey hi what r u doing rn are u studying? [deleted] pay attention to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee [deleted] im losing my mind haha

Robbie

Hey Yeah, I'm studying for my anatomy final which is kind of boring but I swear they added more parts to the human body since I last learned this Nemo Bae

ahahh there are like a tonne of bones thats so weird tho ur a vet student shouldnt u learn about animal parts

Robbie

I think that comes next when I get into more specialized stuff ugh so many bones though you're right how are you though

Nemo Bae

missing youuuu come hang out with me

Robbie

How is studying for finals going? Last time I came to see you we didn't study at all. I failed you

Nemo Bae

thats bc i dont wanna study lol its pointless but hanging out with uuuu isnt

Robbie

Studying isn't pointless Why do you think it's pointless

Nemo Bae

i just cant do it lol i try and i cant pay attention and my back always hurts too much to like sit in one place but if i lay down i fall asleep bc its so boring my grades suck anyway

Robbie

aw that's probably not true I'm sure your grades don't suck I could come over and help you for real this time I can quiz you and stuff

Nemo Bae

they do robbie im not smart like you. i cant write like you. my grades are really bad and ive gotten incompletes in my fellows class because i havent even turned in stuff

Robbie

Hey you're smart don't say that

Nemo Bae

but its true im not smart okay im not cut out for this i dunno i feel like it was just a mistake and im gonna fail anyway so

Robbie

like going to school was a mistake? Nemo you're smart and you can do it. I know you can. You just have to keep trying. it sounds like you're giving up

Nemo Bae

yeah i am ahah ive TRIED ok i keep trying to study for my finals and i cant do it i tried all semester but all i did was hurt myself so i couldnt even dance i have to write final papers in my ballet and contemporary classes now thats two more papers im just gonna go back to the hollow

Robbie

Nemo I can help okay it's not the end of the world and it's going to be fine

Nemo Bae

no its not you dont get it because tis easy for you

Robbie

it's not easy I still have to study like everyone else That's just how school is And if it looks easy it's because I had a lot of years to learn a lot of things But those were years where I had to try and study hard and put in the effort it doesn't just happen for me

Nemo Bae

well i shouldnt distract you from studying then

Robbie

Nemo

Nemo Bae

what? thats what you're saying you say you gotta study and all im doing is getting in your way you dont have time to help me anyway esp when it doesnt matter and its too late Robbie

We can talk about it more don't just pull away. That's not what I'm saying it's not too late we can work on it together

Nemo Bae

and then when i fail anyway????

Robbie

then you pick yourself up and try again You can replace those grades if you really think you're going to fail You can retake the class

Nemo Bae

i dont want to. i DONT. its too much and too stressful theres a reason not a lot of fairies go to uni esp not from a hollow im so tired of sucking this much

Robbie

You don't suck

Nemo Bae

how would u even know how much i suck robbie youre not in my classes do u want me to send u pics of all my shitty papers lol then youll realize im a lost cause

Robbie

I will never think you are a lost cause

Nemo Bae

i dont even see why we're arguing about this its not even your business

Robbie

Oh its not? im not supposed to care?

Nemo Bae

i just dont see why you do this much

Robbie

You don't see why I care about you and your life this much

Nemo Bae

i dont see why you care about whether or not i go to school if you cared about me then youd say ok nemo i love you but apparently i have to be a freaking genius for you too

Robbie

Because you wanted to go to school? Because you want to take all those dance classes?

Nemo Bae

but i was wrong okay? and it sucks and i spent my appa's money and he's gonna be disappointed in me and clearly you're disappointed in me

Robbie

im not disappointed I just think you're being too hard on yourself

Nemo Bae

i feel like quitting is actually finally letting myself chill but ok

Robbie

im just afraid you'd regret it and I really don't think it's as much of a lost cause as you think it is But I can butt out I guess im sorry

Nemo Bae

its my fault its fine i'll let you get back to studying [deleted] this conversation felt really bad, im sorry i was.. i didnt mean to make it sound [deleted] maybe we can try it, you helping me deleted] im sorry, robbie

Robbie

Yeah, if you wanna talk later just text me

Nemo Bae

okay

DECEMBER 13, SEVERAL HOURS LATER

Robbie

hey i just wanted to check and see how you are doing and say i'm sorry for upsetting you

Nemo Bae

you really dont have to apologize. im the one. i know i lashed out at you and took a lot of my frustration and stress out on you and im really sorry about that. i shouldnt have said a lot of the things i said. i know youre just caring about me. im feeling a little better now though

Robbie

That's good! If you want me to come over I can. I want to see you

Nemo Bae

oh im actually uh i kinda left lol i'll be back in a couple of days though! i wanna see you then

Robbie

You left?

Nemo Bae

yeah i think i needed to get out and clear my head and i already feel a lot better

Robbie

Oh okay that makes sense. Did you go to the hollow

Nemo Bae

no im going camping with tae

Robbie

camping?

Nemo Bae

yeah there's this campsite we went to in the summer its got little cabins too tho we might just sleep in the car

Robbie

aren't your finals and stuff...are you gonna miss them?

Nemo Bae

probably? i told you though, im gonna fail anyway and seriously as soon as i decided to go it was like a huge weight off my shoulders i'll work on my papers maybe a little while im gone idk

Robbie

okay I love you be safe please

Nemo Bae

we will! i love you too robbie i really do wanna talk when i get back

Robbie

ill be here

#romo #text #eek

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lunargrapejuice · 2 years

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luna~~ hello! i come bringing numbers for the asks and also my own answers to them bc why not

4. which cryptid do you believe in? (i believe in most cryptids ngl. i love supernatural, otherworldly, weird stuff. i believe in ghosts too)

13. when was the last time you ate? and this isn’t part of it, but what did you have? (i haven’t eaten yet despite it being mid afternoon for me already. i woke up hella late lmao, like at 2 o’clock and it’s like 3:30 rn)

21. something you’ve kept from childhood? (i unfortunately don’t have most things from my childhood. we moved when i was in 3rd grade and i lost my favorite jesse toy and i never recovered /hj i also declutter and downsize like nobody’s business so i actually don’t have much in my room. does my desk count? lmao)

33. do you have a favorite towel? (i absolutely do. it’s a big, fluffy, yellow and white one. it’s got a paisley sort of pattern but mostly i like it because yellow and it’s ginormous so it keeps me nice and cozy after i shower bc it’s always freezing when i get out. there’s a gap under our bathroom door, maybe about an inch, but the airflow is as if i’m standing in front of a fan set to high)

also, a question of my own, i’m curious what you do for work! if you don’t mind me asking of course. i’m currently in college for web programming. took me forever to get here but now i’m finally on track to an actual adult life lmaoo

💡anon

hi love! 💛ahhh! i am so stoked that you added your answers to the questions too🥰

4. which cryptid do you believe in? i also belive in most cryptids! my favorite is nessie, do you have a favorite? i'm 1000% with you, ghosts, the supernatural and other wordly stuff is awesome!

okay side story but there was a ghost in the house i grew up in and both me and my sister saw her mulitple times. she normally hung around the bedroom that we shared, i'd see her standing outside the door at night just watching and my sister saw her coming down head first from the entrance to the attic which was also in our room

13. when was the last time you ate? i finally had breakfast at like 11:30AM even though i had been up since 7AM lol i made myself some hashbrowns with eggs, avocado, cheese and tomatos on top (it's been my go to breakfast recently) and delicious oooo, were you up late last night doing something fun?😍 be sure you eat soon bby💖

21. something you’ve kept from childhood? hhmm i haven't kept many things from my childhood either. i moved out of my parents house a few weeks after i gradutated highschool and it was a very last minute choice so i didn't have time to pack a lot of things and honestly i didn't really want to bring things that remind me of home but i have kept the books my family bought me when i was little, they've moved with me even though i haven't read many of them in YEARS. i'd say your desk counts for sure! ooo okay, if you're feeling up to answering- though you don't have much in your room is there something you've kept in your downsizing that's special to you or that you just really love seeing in your room?

33. do you have a favorite towel? i do have a favorite set of towels, they're ugg brand (who knew they even made towels lol) and they're SO soft, i love lounging around it in after my showers. your towel sounds so cute and cozy towels are the best, after a nice shower it's like a little caccoon to keep the goodness you felt in the shower going (okay maybe it's just me that thinks that but i'm a lover of water- swimming, showering, bathing, i love it) except maybe when the cold air gets you after the warm shower, thats far less nice

i don't mind at all! i work for a health account bank doing service assurance so i listen to calls or read over chats or check processed forms to be sure that the call center agents are giving right information within IRS guidelines or processing things correctly for the types of accounts we manage. it's not my dream job by any means but i also simply do not dream of working lol i really don't mind it though! my coworkers make the work itself not so bad or so monotonous. thats so awesome! i bet you've worked so hard and i hope you're proud of how far you've made it! <3 the steps through adult life is long and sometimes hard but just doing what we can makes such a difference & it’s so great to be working towards your dreams🥰 & hopefully school has been good for you too❤️

ask game💕

side note, i just wanted to be sure you saw it now that it's been a bit burried in my activity from today but i did get to your albedo color drabble<3

#💡anon #ask game

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strawberrymilkgeorge · 3 years

Text

Part Ten. Faces

warnings: swearing, hate comments word count: 4.1k (not including pics)

behind the screen (irl dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist

A/N: sorry its late!!!! this feels rushed but i was just too excited to get to some parts!!! also i have had some parts written out for SO long that they dont even feel cute to me anymore so im literally praying to every deity rn that you guys think its cute lmao anyway enjoy!!!!

**********

It had been about a week since Karl's slip up but everything was already more normal than Y/n had expected it to be. Of course, George, Sapnap and Quackity were all very understanding and gave her space while simultaneously reassuring her that she was safe with them. She fully believed it too, she knew she was safe with them and they weren't going to tell anyone her name.

The one unusual thing was now she had a heavy guilt, like someone dropped another sandbag in her stomach, every time Dream texted her. If the others knew, it was only fair that she tell him her name too, right? I mean, it's Dream. Dream! The boy who had quickly slipped his way into her life and, though she wouldn't admit it to Karl or Naomi, her heart.

But how? Does she just come right out and say it or wait until it gets brought up? She hadn't practiced telling anyone her name because she wasn't planning on doing it any time soon. Though, maybe she should have been seeing as she was going to see them all in person in a little over a month.

Regardless of the guilt, Y/n had other things to worry about today; Quackity was coming to visit. Karl had picked him up from the airport and the two of them spent all day catching up and doing who knows what but Y/n still hadn't met him. She was scared. She wasn't scared of Quackity, but scared because it was the first time one of her online friends would be able to put a face to her name and voice.

Y/n shuffled across her living room rug and reached for her phone on the coffee table, looking for some sort of distraction while she waited for them to arrive.

Y/n rolled her eyes but smiled, shaking her head as she threw her phone on the couch. Okay, he's right. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be great. It's just Quackity. If he said anything rude or annoying or anything she could literally just step on him like a bug.

A sharp knock on the front door of her apartment snapped her back into reality. She shook her limbs of nervousness as she made her way to the door, two familiar voices begging to be acknowledged from the other side.

"Let us iiinnn!! Y/nnn!!!!" Karl whined.

After countless times asking the same question, she finally convinced Karl that she was okay with him using her real name in front of Quackity. He clearly still felt guilty about telling the boys her name, asking her multiple times in different ways whether he should call her Y/n or Bugsy in front of the guest. She finally got it through his head that she didn't mind either way.

"Hold on!" she yelled back. She unlocked the door and swung it open to see Karl and Quackity. "So impatient."

"Holy shit, you are tall! Goddammit, I thought that was a joke!"

Y/n laughed shyly at the greeting, looking at Quackity like he was crazy. "Hello to you too. Tried to warn you, dude."

"Yeah but, damn! You're tall and attractive, what the hell?"

"Dude," she said with a warning in her voice. She thought the flirting on Twitter was funny, but in real life she got embarrassed easier and wasn't a fan. "I'm about to kick you out of my house before I even let you in."

This was weird, meeting Quackity before meeting some of her other friends. She loved Quackity, but she had known George much longer and Sapnap even before that. There was no problem with meeting Quackity, she just had no idea how to act since she felt like she hardly knew him.

"Am I allowed to tell people that you're hot?" he asked as he fell on her couch, Karl following right after.

"Quackity!" Y/n yelled, her face heating up at a compliment. "Seriously?"

Karl cackled and shoved Quackity. "Shut up, Alex! No, you're not allowed!"

"Sorry, is that compliment reserved for Dream?" He cackled at his own joke and Y/n's face heated up even more.

"I seriously will kick you out of my house."

"You wanna be flirty on main but not in real life?" Quackity scoffed.

"I'm not flirty on main, you are!" she laughed. "Seriously, don't."

"Okay, sorry, I'll stop," Quackity promised with a laugh in his words.

The three of them fell into easy conversation, mostly because Karl and Quackity were already comfortable around each other at this point. They eventually decided to go to the mall, just to mess around and do something.

*reminder: covid doesn't exist in this fic bc we only want happy things so ignore their masks :P*

Y/n frowned as she unlocked her front door, staring at her phone. She had been so happy with all the fans freaking out about the meetup so she looked at the trending list, expecting to see a flood of keyboard smashes and happiness, but that's not all she ended up seeing. BUGKARLITY was trending, so she scrolled through the tweets and was upset to see not all of them were positive. In fact, when she typed her name in the search bar, lots of the tweets using her name were rather mean.

A few that stuck in her head called her an attention whore and said that her friends only flirted with her because she paid them too. Who on earth would even do that? Some hurt way more than others but she tried to push them aside. It wasn't like this was the first time she had seen comments like this, but they had only gotten worse since her Minecraft date with Dream. She was worried it was cause more hate for her friends and the last thing she wanted was to be the cause of their own hate.

She typed several different messages to Dream, deleting them all after she reread them. She felt like she had to request the same thing from him in a different way. Maybe because she felt like his words meant more, even if he really was just joking like the rest of them. She decided to call him instead of texting.

"Hi!" he chirped happily from the other end.

"Hi, Dream," she said as her chest filled with something warm at the sound of his voice. "How are you doing?"

"Good," he dragged out the word. "How are you?"

"Okay."

"Just okay? What's up?"

"Um," she started, immediately forgetting the words she decided she'd use. "I just... would you mind, uh, not flirting with me so much on, like, Twitter and streams and stuff like that?"

There was a silence before Dream's frantically apologetic words came through. "Yes, of course, oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. If I had known I was making you uncomfortable, I wouldn't have—"

"Wait, no," she interrupted but he must not have heard.

"—said things like... oh gosh. Bug, I'm really sorry—"

"Dream!" she raised her voice, getting him to stop ranting. "You don't make me uncomfortable."

"Oh. Really?"

"Of course not. I actually think it's really..." Cute? Adorable? Endearing? "funny," she decided.

"Oh. Then why...?"

She sighed heavily and explained what she told the others. "So, yeah. I just don't want you guys getting hate because of me so I figure if you stop then... you know."

"Bug..." he said gently. "I'm really sorry. I promise you that I don't—none of us think those things about you."

"I know."

"No, seriously," he said, clearly not believing her. "You need to understand that I..." he paused. "I mean what I say. Always."

Always? she thought. There's a few things he's said that certainly he didn't really mean... like calling her cute?

"I don't joke around like that unless I want to. I wouldn't say things like I say to you unless I really, really, genuinely considered you a close friend and felt comfortable around you. And I do."

Her heart swelled. "Thanks, Dream. I just... maybe don't do it so much for right now? Online, at least," she clarified, not wanting to deprive herself completely of Dream's flirting.

"Yeah, if that's what you want, of course."

"Well, I don't want you to stop flirting with me but, yeah."

He chuckled. "Oh, you do like when I flirt with you?"

She hummed and changed the subject. "Did I interrupt you doing anything?"

"No," his teasing voice dropped and was back to his regular self. "I'm just editing the video we filmed the other day."

"Oh, the 'Minecraft, but you can't touch the floor'?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh," she said, not meaning to sound disappointed. "I'll let you get back to it—"

"No. I mean, you can stay on the phone. Unless you're busy."

She smiled and put her phone on speaker and set it next to her foot on the floor. "I was just gonna paint. So I can stay."

Before she knew it, almost two hours had passed of them sitting in comfortable silence, occasionally speaking to share something with the other before going back to their tasks. It was comforting knowing she didn’t need to speak constantly and could just hang out with Dream.

Y/n's phone rested on the floor next to her, Dream on speakerphone on the other end, only the sounds of his keyboard clicking letting her know he hadn't fallen asleep or hung up. She wasn't sure when they started doing this, staying on the phone even when they had nothing to talk about, but they had done it a few times before. They had talked on the phone and Discord many times but it was usually always with purpose, not usually this silently-enjoying-each-others-presence nonsense. Who was she kidding calling it nonsense, she enjoyed it an embarrassingly insane amount.

She repositioned so she was laying on her stomach as she finished sketching an image that was in her mind.

"Hey, you still there?" Dream asked softly.

"Yeah. Sorry, am I taking away from your sitting in silence time with George?" she joked.

Dream chuckled lightly. "Nah, you're more fun. I was just seeing if you ditched me for Karl yet."

"Nah, you're more fun," she mimed truthfully. "But I'm very focused on this drawing."

"Can I see it when you're done?"

"Don't expect too much. It looks bad."

"If you don't tell me what it is, I can't know how accurate or inaccurate it is."

"Very true..." she trailed off, holding the canvas further away to examine it all at once. She wanted the sketch to be perfect before she made permanent choices with paint. She enjoyed the serenity they maintained even when talking, voices low and delicate like they were keeping secrets but not quite whispering. "Are you almost done editing your video from the other day?"

"Sorta. I'm at the part where you and Sapnap almost died laughing because a ghast knocked George into lava and then Sapnap laughed so hard he fell into lava."

She chuckled, remembering the situation vividly. "That was so funny. The way George screams is so funny."

"Let Naomi know that," he mumbled, causing Y/n to gasp.

"Dream!" she laughed loudly and he joined.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's true though."

"Disgusting!"

A distant voice sounded on the other end and she assumed it was Sapnap. "What do you want for dinner?"

Dream responded with a soft, "Nothing, I'm good."

"Are you talking to Bugsy?"

He must have responded physically because the next sound was Sapnap's very clear, much more lively voice speaking directly into the phone. "Hi, Bugsy!"

"Hi, Sapnap!"

"Can you tell Dream to eat some damn food? This man literally hasn't eaten a single thing all goddamn day."

"Dream," Y/n scolded slowly. "Please eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"I'm not showing you my painting until you eat."

A door closed on the other end and she took that as a sign that Sapnap had left.

"I don't wanna see it anyway. It's probably trash."

"Take that back!" she gasped lightly. She looked at the canvas as she grabbed the first paint color and laughed. It was only a sketch and it was already trash. "Fine, then I won't go on the trip if you don't eat in the next ten minutes."

"That's punishing yourself too though."

"Who says I want to see you?" she asked.

"I never said anything about not seeing me being the punishment."

She had been caught. "It was implied."

"Sure it was."

"It's true though. Who says I wanna see your stupid face?"

He didn't say anything, but an incoming FaceTime call lit up Y/n's phone. A FaceTime call from him.

Her smile dropped. "Clay?"

"Answer it," his voice was lower and her heart started beating faster. Was he really about to show her his face to prove a point? Reveal his biggest secret that only a few close friends knew? To her of all people? She made sure she couldn't be seen in the small window and pressed accept, the voice call ending and the FaceTime call starting.

To her surprise, what came into view wasn't his face, but the logo of the hoodie he was wearing, the simple smile of his merch taunting her. She laughed, the anxiety slowly fading away as it was replaced with a heavy feeling in her stomach. Was she disappointed? Maybe a little, but he teased her into believing she would see him.

"Oh, wow! Dream face reveal! He looks just like his icon, no way!!!"

His chest moved up and down as he laughed, not moving the camera away. "You heard it here first, guys! You've known my face all along, the logo is actually my face!"

She laughed and returned to painting, not paying any more attention to her phone since he was now also showing his ceiling, a small corner of his monitor in frame but nothing else. "I mean it though, if you don't eat, I'm going to be so mad I won't even want to be friends anymore. Or you'll die from malnourishment before we get the chance to meet."

"I doubt it. I'm just not hungry."

"Whatever."

"Oh, hey, so you met Quackity today. How was it?"

"Very scary."

"Yeah?" he asked sympathetically, urging her to explain if she wanted.

"Yeah. But it turned out okay! He didn't act any different so it was fine. It was mostly just awkward. He's also so freaking loud. You would not believe how much louder he and Karl get when they're together."

"I can imagine. Aren't they doing a stream right now or something?"

"Yeah, I think so. I don't wanna watch though, I've had enough of them for the month."

Dream laughed. "How will you deal with them together for New Years'? It'll be for like two weeks."

"Who knows if I'll actually go?"

"Wait, what?" he asked abruptly, not even bothering to hide the disappointment in his voice. His keyboard stopped clicking and she could picture him staring at his phone as if looking at her. "Of course you're going."

"Not if you don't eat food! You have, like, 3 minutes to eat something until I officially am busy doing other things whenever the trip is."

Dream groaned and clicked a few things on his computer before the image on the screen became blurry as he walked through the house, still pointing it at the ceiling. She looked away again and kept painting.

"Quackity's really funny though," she continued. "It was super awkward at first but it was fun to have someone else to help me make fun of Karl."

"Wait, Bug," Dream called out over the sound of wrappers crinkling.

"Hm?" She hummed, continuing to paint.

"Bug," his voice was much softer and he sounded nervous.

She looked at her screen and dropped the paintbrush as she focused on what she saw, grabbing her phone and holding it closer to her face so she could see, still making sure she wasn't in view. All the anxiety from the beginning of the FaceTime suddenly came back and hit her like a truck. Sitting on her screen, waiting to be seen, was Dream. His hood was up, tufts of blonde hair sticking out, and he was standing with his back towards a dark room, the dim light from his pantry making his face just visible.

He held up a cookie in front of his actual, real face. "Are you watching?"

"Y-yea... I... Yeah. I'm watching. Is that really you?"

He nodded once before shoving the cookie in his mouth. "There, I consumed food," he announced, his voice muffled by the cookie. "Now you're legally obligated to come."

"I—What? CLAY! WHAT?"

"What?" he asked innocently as he chewed, walking back to his room and still holding the phone up to show his face. His room light was on, making his face much more visible. If Y/n thought he was attractive in the harsh pantry light, he must have looked like a god in his room lighting, even as pixelated as he was due to the quality of FaceTime. He fell on his bed and Y/n could only gape at his features. He slumped against his headboard, surrounded by roughly a thousand pillows, sporting a small, shy smile as he stared at the screen. "Bug, what?"

She opened her mouth but no words came out. Needless to say, he was unbelievably handsome. Part of the speechlessness was from the shock that he showed his face out of the blue, but obviously, the majority of it was that he was pretty much the most attractive person she'd ever seen. It should be illegal for someone to look that good in a hoodie, especially when pixelated.

"Hmm," he hummed thoughtfully. "Wanna take back what you said earlier?" He bit into another cookie.

"W-what did I say earlier?" Why was she stuttering???

"You said you don't wanna see me and that I'm ugly," he teased.

She paused for too many seconds too long before finally muttering, "you arrogant son of a bitch." He laughed loudly at that.

His eyes crinkled and he threw his head back. So that's what he looks like when he wheezes, she thought to herself, pretty.

Dream shuffled his position on his bed and rested his head on one of his hands. He looked so comfy. "Why are you so quiet, weirdo?" he mumbled.

She set her phone back down and touched her cheeks with her hands and looked away for a moment, grounding herself to the real world for a second. She couldn't process her thoughts when she was staring at a man as gorgeous as Clay. "I don't know, maybe because you gave me no warning before showing me your face? Or because you failed to mention that you're incredibly hot?"

She was so glad she had looked back at her phone or else she would have missed the glorious sight of his cheeks turning bright red before he turned the camera back to his ceiling. "Oh my gosh."

"Aw cute, I made you blush."

"Shut up," he mumbled. "You threatened to not come if I didn't eat something!"

"You didn't have to—you showed me your freaking face just to prove you ate a cookie!! DREAM! I would have believed you if you just said you ate something!" she laughed breathlessly, staring at the phone now for a chance to see him again. "I was joking anyway!"

"Sure you were."

"I was."

"Well, oh well. You deserved to see me anyway."

"Oh, I deserve to see you?" She laughed. "How big is your ego?"

"You know what I meant," he groaned. "You got doxxed by Karl and you met Quackity in person. And you've clearly had a bad day because of all the hate and stuff. You've done a lot of stressful things recently and you deserved to be let in on a secret too."

He was so sweet. Like, tooth-rotting, Halloween candy stash hidden under a kid's bed, upset tummy sweet. She also couldn't get over the fact that he was a million times cuter when he was shy like he was being now, his voice soft and unsure. It contrasted vastly with the confident, loud-mouthed Dream everyone usually saw, though she liked that Dream too. She wished he could show his face for just one more second to see what he looked like shy. Probably sickeningly adorable.

This was it, wasn't it? The chance she had been waiting for to tell him her name? He just let her in on his biggest secret, now he was the one deserving to be let in.

"Y/n," she said with a confident, but soft voice.

There was a long pause. "W-what?"

"Y/n."

He understood the second time immediately. "Y/n..." he tested, the smile in his voice clear as day. "I like it."

"Yeah, well, I guess you deserved to know the secret too."

"I would have been content never knowing."

"Really?" She didn't believe him. He seemed like the type to never be satisfied, always looking for something better. Not in a greedy way, but in a motivational, goal-oriented big achiever way.

"Really," he hummed. "I already feel like you're too good to be true so I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't a real person."

It was silent as she tried to collect her thoughts.

"Bug? You okay?"

"Yeah, I... it's just a lot."

"Sorry."

"No, it's not you. Well... I don't know. I just don't know what I'm supposed to say when you say things like that," she admitted.

He paused. "I think you always have the perfect responses when I say things like that."

"What do I usually say?" She smiled shyly, pulling her hoodie up to her lips.

"You usually call me a nerd or say you can't stand me. 'Oh my gosh I cannot stand you'," he mimicked before laughing.

"What? How is that the perfect response to you saying you can't believe I'm real?"

He hummed and she could practically hear him shrugging. "Because it's a classic Bug response. It's a hundred perfect you. So yeah, it's perfect."

She was silent, trying to compose herself before she exploded.

"By the way, check Twitter."

"Why, are you bragging about me calling you hot?" she teased, hoping to make him blush like she had earlier. It worked.

"Oh my gosh, no. Just look."

She clicked her home button and navigated to the app, her feed instantly flooding with the same similar messages.

"Oh, my gosh," she muttered, her fingers flying away as she typed out her own tweet in response to the love.

Dream chuckled from the other end and when she asked him why, he vaguely said that George texted him but didn't explain further.

"Um, I have to go," she said mournfully. "Karl and Quackity are coming over again."

"Booooo," he pouted.

"Sorry, you aren't the only man in my life," she teased before instantly regretting her choice of words. Too flirty, Y/n, she thought to herself.

"Hm, shame. Am I at least at the top of the list?"

She bit her lips, wanting desperately to repeat what she had told him on their Minecraft date. In the end, she gave in. "I always mean what I say too," she started. "You're my main bitch, baby."

Dream made some sort of sound, a mix of a scoff and a whine but Y/n didn't comment on it, just glowing with heat in her cheeks.

"Leave before I don't let you," he said softly and the heat only grew.

"Goodnight, Dream," she pressed, the tone in her voice letting him know he was being a tease. "Thanks for... thanks for your tweet. And for everything you said earlier."

"Of course. Sorry that you have to see those kinds of things a lot."

"It's okay when I have people like you."

"People like me? What does that mean?"

"Just.... people like you." Cute, sweet, kind, genuine people who make her heart flutter.

She could hear his smile in his words and she figured he knew the unspoken words in her thoughts, the ones she was saying without saying. "Okay. Goodnight, Y/n."

"Goodnight."

**********

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