#it’s brutal out here! Olivia Rodrigo do not interact

[itspileofgoodthings]

I read a thing about how teachers hit decision fatigue by the end of the day because they’re making so many decisions minute to minute and it really helped put some things into words!

#anyway I do NOT have it in me to come online to Internet discourse after a day of teaching #I am empty! #anyway pretty much every variation on ‘what’s wrong with me?’ I can answer with ‘I’m a teacher in February’ #it’s brutal out here! Olivia Rodrigo do not interact

[xveenusx]

Wanted

Paring(s): JJ maybank x fem!reader

Summary: in a world where someone had everything, she still got treated like she was nothing. all she wanted was to be wanted.

Authors note: I wanted this piece piece to be as real as possible. It's not simple, its messy. We've all gone back to that one person we know we shouldn't just because being alone seemed worse. Also she gets absolutely railed so that helps. So please be kind to her lmfao.

Rating: smut, 18+, mdni, ANGST

Song rec: making the bed by olivia rodrigo

Part 1: Guilty

Bored. 

I was so incredibly bored. I leaned against the built in bar as I watched Topper and Kelce take body shots off some tourists they invited. The loud bass of the music did little to tune out the annoying voice of Amy Culpo, who stood next to me, and rattled on about my mother’s latest line. 

“I mean, it’s absolutely stunning.” I know it is. I was there when she designed it. “Any chance you have tickets to her next show?”

Ah, there it was. The brutal truth he reminded me of all those months ago. Every interaction was a strategic move to climbing the next prong on the social ladder. Everyone always wanted something. 

I used to fight that notion. I thought I was better than them because I actually cared about other people. My wealth did not define me nor how I treated other people, but despite every effort I made both before and after him, I realized none of it mattered. 

I couldn’t escape my wealth. It was permanently engraved into my body and no matter how hard I tried to scrub, it wouldn’t go away. I’ve now fully embraced that ugly truth and decided that I might as well use it to my advantage. I almost always had something that others wanted and I just had to figure out what they were willing to give. I didn’t need any more money, but there were things that were far more valuable. Favors, tickets to the hottest openings, plane rides. Since everyone already saw me as a spoiled little rich girl, I might as well play the part. 

‘Depends. Are those last season MIU MIU?” I asked, tossing a look at the shoes on her feet. 

“There from the season before-“ I pulled a face at her words. Before last season? I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything last season let alone the season before. 

“Oh honey, if those are two seasons old, then I highly doubt you have anything I want.” The shocked look on her face dulled the aching pain that seemed to permanently reside in my chest. 

“I can charter a plane-“

I raised my hand to silence her. “You don’t have your own?” 

What was she even doing here? 

This was a new little project of mine. I tossed away all those societal niceties that did little for me in the end. I still couldn’t get anyone to stay. This was much more fun. You’d be surprised by how much stuff you could get away with if you cut out all the bullshit.

Amy’s cheeks flushed red and maybe once I’d have felt bad or be disgusted by how I was treating her but I was numb. I realized nothing really mattered. Whether I was nice or rude, people all wanted the same things from me. At least this way, I could armor myself. 

“There’s my pretty girl.” Warm hands curled around my waist, tugging me against a hard body. 

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't his anything, Rafe knew that but he’s always had a flare for the dramatics. Tom Ford’s Noir de Noir filled my nose as I swatted at his hands, hands that I’ve grown quite familiar with. 

“You left me.” I shot him a bratty look, one he met head on with a smile. Amy still stood there awkwardly, clearing her throat in an obvious attempt to gain my attention. 

I turned around in Rafe’s arms, debating my next move. Almost immediately his chin came to rest on the top of my head while his arms curled around my front.

My eyes shot one last distasteful look at her outfit, before tossing out my arm in the opposite direction. “Shoo.”

She huffed before stomping away but not before shooting me one final glare. A look that would have made me cry before, but now it simply dinged off the impenetrable armor I’ve suited myself with. 

“I was hoping it’d build character, but clearly that didn’t work.” I could hear the smile in his words as he pressed a kiss on the top of my head. 

“The entire conversation was dull. She didn’t even have a jet, plus her shoes were two seasons ago.” I shuddered in disgust. Could never be me.

Rafe clutched his chest in mock disgust,”Not two seasons.” 

I let out a huff, my chest going warm at the teasing glint in his eye.

There was no spark. There were no butterflies. Just familiarity and warmth. It was safe. We both knew what this was and expected nothing more. For now, we were just having fun. Despite the fact that I spent most nights at his place and rarely found myself without him.

I’ve found somewhat of a friend in Rafe. Someone to share the burden of being from a family like ours. He understood me. He enjoyed shiny things just as I did. 

We spent a lot of our time going to the mainland because the idea of running into him still sent me to my knees. This was a small island. One that he was spending all his time running around with her instead of me. Rafe never said a word about it, never mentioned his sister or her pogue friends. And for that, maybe I do love him a little.

“You make fun of me now, but you’d still be wearing polo shirts and plaid shorts if it weren’t for me.” My hands smooth down the front of his linen light blue shirt, the first several buttons open paired with some black Gucci slacks and a black belt from Dolce & Gabbana. He no longer looked like a frat douche but a member of upper class society. 

The same can’t be said about his friends.

“C’mon. Top and Kelce want us over there.” Rafe grasped my hand and tugged me in the direction of drunken yells. I pursed my lips but trudged behind him. The idea of being thrown up on was less than appealing, but being by myself was even less appealing.

“Hey guys.” Rafe nodded at them, taking a seat on the adjacent couch, a table with all sorts of drugs littered on it in between them. 

The pair of them were obliterated, both their pupils blown wide and their speech slurred. That didn’t stop them from tossing me a sloppy grin and shouting a greeting. 

The spot next to Rafe was vacant but on the other end was a couple gnawing each other's faces off that had me scrunching my nose up in disgust. He surely didn’t expect me to sit next to that?

He didn’t even bat an eye, instead Rafe patted his lap, tugging at my hand to sit down. “Wanna drink, baby?” 

I nodded, deciding to once again indulge. It was better than feeling that stabbing pain that burned in my chest. It was a horrible solution but one that Rafe always supported, in fact he often took part in self-destructing with me. We were done with trying to be perfect for parents who couldn’t give less of a fuck. 

A red solo cup with a familiar yellow concoction was waved in front of me. The pungent scent of tequila burned my nose and I shot him a secret smile. Rafe’s blue eyes narrowed in on me, glued on my smile before he shook his head in amusement. 

“That’s the kinda night we’re going for?” He asked, his hand slowly gripping my thigh. 

“Unless you don’t want to?” I sighed dramatically, pushing his dark blonde strands back from his face, something I knew he loved. 

“If I ever say no to that question, feel free to shoot me.” 

A giggle escaped my lips as I tapped my cup against his before bringing it to my lips, tilting my head back and zeroing it out. 

The tequila left a burning trail down my stomach that I welcomed. It meant I was one step closer to not feeling anything at all. 

“Another?” Rafe’s eyes pointed at my now empty cup and I nodded. 

Being responsible was so overrated. 

Lifting his hand up, almost immediately two younger boys, about 16, appear. Rafe pointed at me, muttering something before the pair nodded and took off.

I raised my eyebrow at him, confused. 

He just shrugged, leaning forward to touch the golden pendant that hung from my neck. “I promised them tickets to the Charleston basketball game if they did whatever I said.”

“Why?” 

“I was bored,” He hummed in response,”This is new, it’s pretty..” 

I smiled back at him, the very picture of nonchalance, before replying,”Thank you. You bought it for me.” 

His ocean eyes rested on me, the infatuation clear as day that had my stomach clenching. “Course I did. I have great taste.” 

Rafe gave me his card about two months ago, not that I needed it, but he enjoyed taking care of me and I didnt mind. Plus, whenever he made me mad, I made sure to run the bill up, hoping for some type of reaction but it only left him amused. 

Nerves gnawed at my stomach at the intense eye contact. Maybe the lines have blurred slightly. Clearing my throat to try and break the tension, I tossed my hair over my shoulder. “Want to see what else you bought me?”

“Enlighten me.” 

I flashed him my freshly manicured nails, “What do you think?” 

Rafe caught my hand, a half smile painted on his face, and kissed it. “Is that passion pink?” 

“It’s actually bubblegum blush.” 

“Beautiful, baby. I love it.” His words burned into my chest. 

It was hard to describe. His approval had butterflies thrumming in my stomach. Maybe it was because we were stuck in similar situations, but his approval suddenly meant something to me. Being with him meant I wasn’t alone. 

“You know we’re right here, right?” Topper's voice cut through the tension and I let out a laugh, relieved to look away. 

“Fuck off.” Rafe laughed, regaining his composure as well. 

Topper leaned forward holding out a black AMEX for me to take. My eyes paused on the card before shooting him a flat look. 

“Are you kidding?” 

Topper gave me a blank look, not a thought behind those eyes. 

I rolled my eyes and stuck my nose up in mock outrage. “Rafe does it for me.” 

The annoyed look on Topper’s face sent a thrill through my body. He was the easiest to rile up and Rafe knew it as he hid his chuckle with a quick cough. 

The hand on my bare thigh slowly drew circles, the action almost unconscious, which had my brain blanking. It was a relief to not think. To not remember. To not feel. 

“Are your hands broken?” 

“No. I’m too pretty.” I shrugged, batting my lashes at him.

Topper openly scowled at me, his eyes dropping to where Rafe’s hands held me tightly. “What happened to the nice little girl who cried about everything?”

“Lay off.” Rafe snipped, leaning forward and snatching the AMEX out of his hand. His movements were quick and precise, with ease that only came with experience. 

He separated the coke into three lines, one for me and two for him, just like always. 

Bending over, I snorted the line quickly. Turning to hand Rafe the hundred dollar bill, his fingers dust off any remaining powder off my nose, before he bent over and did the same.

I leaned back into Rafe, the mixture of the tequila and the sting of the coke had me feeling sublime. It was a perfect balance. The alcohol got me warm and buzzed while the coke kept me awake and alert, an upper and a downer, a perfect description for every emotion in my body. 

“I grew up.” 

Topper hummed. “You certainly did.”

For the next hour, my mind never drifted to him. I enjoyed having thoughts that were my own, that didn’t revolve around him. Instead, my thoughts focused on the man below me. Rafe was always touching me. Even more so than usual, his hand never left my body once. If I let go of his hand to reach for my drink, he’s just moved it to my thigh. It was almost possessive which was odd, we didn’t do possessive. 

Every couple moments, he’d pause in the middle of a conversation to press small kisses anywhere his lips could reach. It seemed performative, but I just couldn’t prove it.

“You’re thinking too hard.” His hot breath hot against the shell of my ear. 

I said nothing for a moment before licking my lips and muttering,”Are you okay? You seem more clingy than usual?” 

He just nodded, pulling me to his hard chest, his eyes darting to the side. “I just like having you with me.”

The sentiment was sweet and my heart tugged at his words. But, I couldn’t let go of the feeling that I was missing something. “I like having you with me too.” I allowed myself to give him a sliver of vulnerability, something I’ve avoided like plague, because it was true. He made living just a bit easier.

My head began to spin as I felt the lines of our odd friendship begin to blur. I knew neither of us would admit the sudden shift but it was there. I could tell with each lingering gaze and those secret touches. Maybe there was something here. I just had to give in.

“I’m glad you came to your senses,” He responded, but once again his eyes are not on mine but darting around me. 

“What does that have to do with anything?” My voice comes out hushed, hoping it would get him to lower his voice. 

My smile from his previous confession dimmed. Nerves slowly began to surface as I tried to read between the lines.

“You do belong with me, at least that's what you scream every night, isn’t that right baby?” He was boasting, loud enough to have his boys give him lame-ass high fives. 

The small burst of happiness curdled like old milk in my stomach. I wasn’t a prude, not by a long shot, but I was a private person. Rafe knew this and he was still flaunting our private moments in a way that made me feel dirty. 

“Stop talking about me like that.” I said, “What’s gotten into you?” 

I felt Rafe go rigid under me. Frowning, I tilted my head back to make sure he was alright but his eyes were glued ahead. 

“Rafe, I’m here for my stuff. Where did you say you put it again?” 

My head turned and my stomach did a backflip. Sarah stood at the entrance of the room, looking immensely uncomfortable. 

John B stood behind her, his big brown puppy-like eyes widened at the sight of me on Rafe’s lap. Or maybe it was because of  the coke laid out in front of me? 

But wherever he was, JJ wasn’t far behind. John B whispered something in Sarah’s ear, her eyes jumped to me for a split second before returning to his. She nodded and John B made a beeline for the other room. 

I let out a choked laugh. I’m sure he was going to report back to his little lap dog. What were they even doing here in the first place? It’s not like Rafe knew-

My brain clicked into place. The constant need to touch me and the over the top PDA was because he was here. Rafe knew he was here and wanted to rub it in his face. 

Rafe’s words were never for me. They were for him.

None of this was real. Not the endearing names, not the proclamations of affection. An ice bucket of realization poured over me and I felt like a fool. A fool for thinking that somebody else could want me, could maybe even love me.

Fuck this. Fuck both of them. 

“You knew.” I accused, shoving his hands off of my body. 

Rafe said nothing, but the flicker in his eyes gave him away. I wasn’t safe with him either. Embarrassment oozed into me, the feeling painstakingly familiar. We agreed to never make each other feel this way since our parents did it enough, but he did it to me. 

Don’t think. Don’t feel. 

Snatching the cup out of his hand, I forced it down, gulp by gulp, wincing at the burn. Straight tequila. “Babe-“

“Shut up.” I hissed, moving off his lap and shoving Topper to move over. Everyone always wanted something from me. 

They never just wanted me.

Maybe I was defective. I had to be. 

JJ didn’t love me when I was me. When I cared about other people and sacrificed pieces of my happiness for them.

Rafe didn’t love me now. When I was a spoiled brat who treated everyone like a transaction. 

It didn’t matter if I was nice or a total raging bitch. Either way, I couldn't get anyone to love me.

I was just the stepping stone they used before they found the person they really wanted to be with. I was just there to make them feel good about themselves. For them to take and take just to toss me aside when they were done. Leaving me a shell of a person with no one, not even myself.

I guess, I was impossible to love.

“Line it up, Topper.”

“Can I at least get a please?”

“Be lucky that I’m even talking to you.”

Topper scoffed but did what I asked, lining up two lines of chalky white powder. “There you go, princess:” 

A rolled hundred dollar bill was held out in front of me. Plucking it out of his fingers. I bent over the table. Don’t think. Don’t feel. 

Dragging the cylinder bill down the crystal snow powder I’ve grown to love, I inhaled deeply. The chemicals flowing through the nose. I could practically feel the coke dissolving into my bloodstream, my body vibrating in response. 

Dropping the bill on the table, I tilt my head back, begging my brain to shut off. I closed my eyes and chose to focus on the beat of the music that had my heart thrumming in my chest.

Then it happened.

All the air in the room was sucked up. The hair behind my neck stood up and my body suddenly awakened in a way it hadn’t in months. 

My body recognized him before my brain did. The moment I opened my eyes, his eyes clashed with mine.

JJ.

It was like seeing him for the first time, a memory I thought I would never get the chance to feel again. 

Heavy set blonde brows framed his bright blue eyes beautifully, the strong cut jaw that was currently clenched, and his lips soft and pouty, tightly pressed in a flat line. This face, his beautiful face, wouldn’t be complete without some mark. A bruise, a soft purple and yellow hue, decorated his cheek bone. His bottom lip busted. 

He was so beautiful. 

My body reacted before my brain could follow. I stood up quickly, too quickly that the blood rushed to my head and the room seemed to spin. 

God, he was beautiful. And I fucking hated him for it. He was supposed to be like me, a complete and total mess, but instead, he looked the same, even better actually. 

That thought alone had me ready to jump off the balcony.

My movements were clumsy and I drunkenly stumbled while standing still, his eyes clocking that in seconds. 

Despite the loud music, I noticed the silence coming from the couch. 

My eyes jumped to Rafe. All the laughter around us died off and everyone was exchanging nervous looks. It didn’t take a genius to read the room and the situation I’ve somehow managed to put myself in. 

Blue eyes flickered between the two of us. It cracked my chest open wide and opened the floodgates I’ve been trying so hard to keep closed. 

The crushing inescapable weight of shame hit me first. I was plastered, obviously so, and high as a kite. The evidence of what I’d been doing displayed out in front of me like a flashing sign. And I was fucking the one guy he hated. 

It was unreasonable, I know. He left me and even pushed me in the direction of the one guy he hated and yet, I was the one feeling bad. He hasn’t even opened his mouth yet and it’s been turned onto me. But love never makes sense. It made the most sane people lose every coherent thought, I was the prime example.

“You should probably go, bro.” Rafe said, his tone was anything but. 

He moved from his spot on the couch and stopped beside me. Rafe shoved a hand in one pocket while the other reached for mine, but I folded my arms across my chest. Mostly because I was mad at him, but a part of me didn’t want JJ seeing that. 

JJ didn’t spare him a second glance.

He had on a dark blue short sleeve button down shirt with black cargos and chunky black boots on his feet. A backwards red hat settled nicely on the blonde mass of wavy hair and his shark necklace hanging against the exposed part of his chest. 

It was so JJ. All of it, right down to the colorful bracelets that littered his wrists. 

A hand grasped my chin and tilted up. I held my breath. His fingers slid along my jaw and he rubbed his thumb over the skin. His eyes felt like lasers, honing in on every detail of my face. 

I swallowed audibly. JJ leaned in closer, bringing his height down to mine. His thumb brushed a soft stroke below my nose while his lips brushed against my ear. 

“You had a little something on your nose.” 

JJ let go of my face, his expression hard. Then he brushed past me, leaving a gaping wound in his wake. 

Tears burned behind my closed eyes. He didn’t need to say it because I already knew what he was thinking. Sure, JJ smoked some weed but he never touched any of the hard stuff, not wanting to pick up the same habits as his dad. Hard drugs were a hard limit for him and he found me snorting several lines of it. 

I went and became the very thing he hated, just like he wanted. It didn’t feel as satisfying as I thought it would. Instead, I felt like I lost another piece of myself. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said to Rafe, finally gathering the courage to open my eyes. 

He shuffled beside me. “Him being here wasn’t going to change anything.”

We both knew that was a lie.

“It’s him, Rafe. It changes everything for me.” 

Rafe scoffed and shook his head. “You’re really going to try and go back to that?”

“I’m not saying that-” I spluttered out, outraged as his voice continued to carry across the room. 

“He didn’t want you.” 

People around us began to whisper, their heads huddled together with their phones out. Wet hot tears threatened to fall as the control I took months to master began to unravel. 

“Yeah, well you don’t either.” 

“What the hell are you talking about? Before he got here, everything was perfect.”

“I’m not stupid. You think I didn’t notice what you were doing? That wasn’t for us, that was for him.”

“I didn't mean for you to think I was using you-“

I gripped his chin, and pulled his face down to my height, my eyes brimming with angry tears. “You don’t use me. I use you.” I shoved his face back, needing to collect my composure. 

Everyone’s eyes were on us and I was desperate to save face. It was the only thing I had left. 

“Get the fucking picture?”

“Crystal clear.” He responded through gritted teeth, his eyes hard. 

“If you want a whore, go buy one.” 

Rafe cleared his throat, his face iced over. “I thought that’s what I was already doing.”

I stood there for a moment, not understanding what I did to deserve to be treated like this by not one man but two. I felt like an idiot. Like the stupidest fucking person on this god forsaken planet. 

Two hours ago, I thought that maybe Rafe had feelings for me and played with the idea of exploring that with him. And now, I was a gold digging whore. 

I felt another piece of my heart break off, mourning the loss of the only friendship I really had.

Pressing my hair down with my hands, I look down to fix my dress, swallowing as I went, hoping to pull myself together and buy some time. 

“I’m glad to hear how little you think of me.” I sent him a sad smile,” I guess I’m keeping up with everyone’s expectations.” 

I stepped around him, heading to the direction of the bar, the adrenaline from all the excitement having effectively killed my buzz. 

Staring at the bottles of liquor on the counter had me frowning, all being some bottom shelf brand I’ve never heard of. I moved around the bar to the cabinets behind it, looking for the good tequila. It was the least Rafe could do seeing as though he just blew up whatever the fuck we were doing. 

Spotting the only tequila I drank, I grabbed the entire handle. Twisting the top off, I tossed it aside carelessly before taking a healthy swig. Then another. And another. 

I stumbled into another room, shoving people out of my way. I ignored the angry shouts because I was way past the point of caring. I just-I just wanted to see him.

As if someone heard my thoughts, I spotted JJ leaning against a wall with a lit joint dangled between his fingers and a beer in the other. 

He had so much charisma, it demanded the attention of the room. People gravitated towards him all the time but he refused to see himself that way. 

Even now, he stood surrounded by several people, including a girl who was too close for my liking, and they were hanging onto every word. All of their bodies angled towards him, nodding along. The people around them curiously moving in to hear more of the story that had so many of them laughing. 

It was almost ironic. It was the point I was trying to prove all those months ago. Kooks vs. Pouges was bullshit. Because, right now JJ is telling a story to a bunch of Kooks who were eating it right up. Neither parties cared about their status, they just wanted to socialize and have fun. 

Why couldn’t he see that? 

The organ in my chest began to flutter, the butterflies erupting in my stomach at his nearness. Panic began to set in. I thought I’d pushed it all down. 

All it took was seeing him. Just once. For the last couple months of progress to be thrown out the window. I made sure to not feel anything anymore, because the alternative destroyed me. And yet, there he stood, looking like every dream I’ve ever had, and completely disarming my very being with one look. 

I never wanted to feel that way again. My heart was open and my soul was bared, but I was naive. I thought love was supposed to be empowering. But really, it was poison. It slowly entered your bloodstream, coating every vein before slowly taking over every organ. It leaked into your brain and made you lose all common sense. The poison tricked you into thinking that certain treatment was okay because at least they were here. At least, they still wanted to be with you because they love you, right? 

But eventually, like all things lacking an antidote, it began to cut off your oxygen. It curled around your lungs and squeezed until you gasped for breath with tears staining your face. It didn’t matter how much you screamed and shouted, nothing came out. The last organ it takes over is your heart. That silly little organ who was so trusting begins to pump faster, desperately trying to get that oxygen to your brain, because maybe then you’ll finally be able to think clearly. But in the end, it slows down. Each pump is slower than the last until finally it comes to a stop. The heart broke. 

It’s the closest thing to dying I’ve ever experienced.

It was like drowning on dry land.

His words did not leave me dented, but destroyed. 

I lost my sense of myself. I lost my identity. I put on a performance every time I left my house, wanting to see just how far I could get away with treating people the same way they treat me. 

At first it didn’t feel good, but now I didn’t feel anything at all. Or so I thought until I saw him again. And I just want to see that he was doing okay and maybe, if I can admit it, to see if he still loved me, however little that may be.

I watched from my spot on the other side of the room as the crowd began to disperse, leaving JJ with some blonde. I vaguely recognized her from a shoot for one of my mom’s brands. I believe her parents worked in the fashion industry as well. Which would have been fine, had she not said something that had him give her one of those rare smiles, the ones he used to give me in private. 

Nausea roiled in my stomach, maybe it was all the tequila or maybe it was seeing him smile at someone else when all I wanted was for him to smile at me. 

She leaned into him, a coy smile played her lips, running her fingers down the shirt I bought him, which basically made it mine. And I hated when people touched my things.

The mix of tequila and coke emboldened me. I found my feet moving in their direction before I could stop myself. 

“I wouldn't waste your time.” I could not get myself to stop talking.

“Why’s that?” The blonde’s eyes narrowed, her cheaply manicured hand resting on JJ’s bicep.

“JJ doesn’t go for kooks or so I’ve been told.” 

“Maybe he just didn’t go for you.” Oh, how cute. 

“Oh honey,” I sighed dramatically and took one step towards her, tilting my head to the side, dragging my eyes up her body, in obvious distaste. “Are you new here?”

“Well, yeah but-“ She tried to explain. 

Clearly, she needed a run through on how the social ladder worked here. I was at the top and everyone else was at the bottom. 

“Your mom works for some brand from Paris right?” I watched as her eyebrows pulled together in confusion. 

“She does. We moved here because she’s doing a collab with-“

“With my mom.” 

“So I suggest you take your hand off of him,” I smiled on cue, my tone dipped in sugar before batting my eyelashes at her innocently,” Unless you want her blacklisted?” 

I could see her debating what to do. She didn’t know if I was bluffing but she'd learn rather quickly just how far I was willing to go. 

“Hmm, cute shoes.” I hummed, “Chanel?” 

She nodded, apprehension on her face. 

“Won’t be able to buy those anymore if your mom doesn’t have a job.” 

Her hand fell and satisfaction settled into my like molten lava. “You can go now.” 

The blonde pursed her lips and stalked off, leaving me alone with JJ. “Trying a new type”

“And what type would that be?”

“Desperate.”

JJ tipped his mouth, saluting me before taking a sip of his drink. His eyes already glazed over from the joint in his hand. 

“A thank you would be nice?” I muttered, taking another pull from my tequila. I couldn’t talk to him sober or I’d lose my nerve.

“A thank you?” He appeared almost amused, adjusting his red hat. 

“Yeah, I just saved you.”

“I didn't realize I needed saving.” 

“Self-preservation was never really your strong suit was it?” 

JJ laughed, his eyes straying to the bottle cradled in my arms. “I could say the same thing, Princess.” 

Fuck him for calling me that. So what, I’ve learned to indulge just a little. It made everything in my life a little more manageable. 

“It’s called having fun, JJ.” Pouting as he snatched the bottle from arms just as I went to take another shot. “Since when did you become the responsible one?”

JJ leveled me with an unamused stare. 

I huffed, blowing a stray strand of hair out of my face. “Tough crowd.”

JJ snorted, pushing the leaves of a nearby plant back before dumping the remaining tequila. My mouth dropped open as he wasted every last drop of my liquid courage. 

How the hell was I going to talk to him now? 

I pursed my lips, “That was mean.”

“I’m doing what your boyfriend should have done an hour ago.” His gaze fixed on my face, the intense stare causing my cheeks to turn red. God, would he stop staring at me?

“He doesn’t tell me what to do.”

“Then he shouldn’t have left you alone.” His tone laced with annoyance, “You have all these fuckers staring at you and you’re wasted.”

I tilted my head back to stare up at him, the annoyance I knew came from a place of panic. That was just how JJ was wired. 

“So you’re in love with me?” Someone come arrest me, because I cannot keep my mouth closed.

JJ shook his head clearly fighting back a smile. “You’re so crazy.” 

“What else could that mean?” I asked truthfully and I knew I had a love struck smile on my face. One that I’ve only given to one man in my life and he stood in front of me.

I just wanted to be near him. I wanted to hear his laugh and see him smile.

His face softened at my words. “Are you okay? Does he take care of you?”

“Of course, I’m okay. Why do you ask?”

“Only one of us is fucking loaded.” 

I rolled my eyes and plucked the joint from his fingers. “Correct me if I’m wrong, and we both know I rarely am, are you not high too?” 

“Not from cocaine.”

“Already back to judging so soon?” I mused, taking a hit off the joint, the familiar stinging sensation wrapped around my lungs and squeezed. “Careful, I might think you care.”

Kill me now. Thank god, he took away the tequila.

“Who said I ever stopped?” My heart lurched in my throat.

I blew the smoke out slowly, my fogged up brain rushing to keep up with his words. 

Someone stumbled in front of me, slamming into my shoulder sending me flying forward into JJ’s arms. Something cold and wet splattered onto me, the bitter liquid dripping down my legs.

“Are you blind?” I shouted, shoving another drunk party goer off me. Looked like a tourist. 

She held her hands up in apology.

“I’m so sorry. Here, let me help.” To my absolute horror, this fucking tourist used a napkin and went to scrub the stain. Are these people animals? This was custom versace.

“Stop!” My cheeks flushed, from the weed or from my constant streak of bad luck. “Clearly, you’ve never owned anything worth keeping but this is Versace, you dick.”

I needed to go home before I burned this entire house down. 

“Is that how you talk to people now?”

I let out a loud groan. “Oh fuck off, JJ.”

I shoved him away from me, before grabbing the skirt of my dress and heading into the nearest bathroom, which just so happened to be Rafe’s. 

In reality, I just needed to get away from him. I needed my hands to be busy so that I couldn't grab his face and kiss him. Because I really wanted to do that. 

The sound of footsteps have my eyes widening in panic as I take in my ruined dress. All because of that blonde asshole next to me, if he hadn’t showed up, I’d still have my tequila and my sanity.

“I wanted to talk.”

I made a noise at the back of my throat. That didn’t sound like JJ at all.

“Fine, whatever. Close the door.” I didn’t need a million other people to see me lose my shit. I was already at my quota for the day. 

Jj stared at me with a confused look. “Close the door.” I nearly shout as the footsteps get closer but he moves just as quickly and slammed it shut, putting the lock in place.

“I just got this piece too.” I grumbled, huffing at the stained skirt. It was the Medusa 95’ Cut Out Mini dress in a stunning pastel pink. And now ruined with a beer stain from that horrible girl outside. 

“I remember this one.” JJ spoke from behind me. Of course he did. He remembered everything I bought. 

He always demanded fashion shows after all my shopping trips. He knew nothing about clothes but he always paid attention to me. He used to sit for hours while I prattled on and on about clothes.

“Unzip me?” 

“I’m sorry?” He choked out, setting his beer down.

“I need to clean it before it stains. Unzip me.” 

In hindsight, I was goading him. I wanted to see what he would do. I could tell he was already on edge since seeing me with Rafe. I wondered what a little push would do.

Neither of us moved for a beat. JJ puffed out a breath from his cheeks before he walked toward me slowly. I remained stock still, watching his every move in the mirror.  “It’s not like you haven’t seen it all before.” 

My heart fluttered at his nearness. Something I wanted since the minute he turned around and left. Home, I wanted my home back.

I jumped up at the feel of his warm breath against the back of my neck, goosebumps rising instantly. The tug of the zipper had me swallowing the lump in my throat. His other finger caressing every inch of skin, the zipper surrendered. 

The sound of the zipper stopped but he never dropped his hand. Instead, I watched as JJ swallowed before lifting his head, those storming blue eyes connecting with mine in the mirror. 

I stood on my Magda Butrym Appliquéd satin sandals and a flimsy pair of tiny panties. 

“I feel like this is a test.” I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.

“Is it?” I mused, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. 

“Yeah and I’m failing.” 

The pads of his thumb brushed along my bottom lip, dragging it down slowly. My lips parted as a soft whimper escaped. 

“You’re still so beautiful, it hurts.” He murmured, almost angry with the revelation. 

Blistering hot satisfaction dripped over me. 

JJ’s other hand grazed my bare back, the contact immediately chasing my back to arch. Sparks of sensitivity erupted from my skin as my body trembled with hot desire. 

His hand moved higher, gripping onto my hair before wrapping the long strands around his hand, tugging my head back, demanding my attention. 

He stared at me with heavy lids, eyes like ocean blue blades. My body began to heat up. 

JJ’s eyes dropped back to my lips causing me to the lick them quickly. He backed me up against the Jack and Jill sink, my back resting against the cool granite counter. 

I blinked slowly, making the decision for him, angling my head up and smashing my lips to his. 

A groan ripped from his chest as he met my kiss with the same crippling desperation. His rough hands dropped from my face to my hips, his nails digging crescent shaped marks in the skin. 

My legs began to slightly shake as his tongue finally brushed against mine. Oxygen was something neither of us needed as we fed off each other's energy. 

His tongue licked and twirled around my own, another moan vibrating between us. JJ’s large hand trailed up skin, goosebumps appearing in its wake, before locking around my throat. 

His grip was strong, not enough to cut off my oxygen but enough to garner my attention. He pulled me up to my tippy toes by my neck, my nipples brushing against the rough fabric of his shirt making me gasp at the contact. His mouth clashed with mine once more, his lips wrapped around my tongue, sucking gently before pulling back and biting out a curse. 

My hands were desperate as they began to unbutton his shirt quickly, pushing the fabric off his shoulders. JJ whipped off the shirt just as my hands began reaching for his shorts, my fingers fumbling with the button. 

The laugh he let out was devastating. His smile was purely lethal for my heart. “We got all the time in the world, princess.” 

My stomach clenched at the nickname he gave me all those years ago. But, we didn’t. We both knew this moment would end the minute we came to our senses. 

JJ unbuttoned his pants and dropped them in one smooth movement before pressing his warm body against mine once more.

“Up, baby.” My arms wrapped around his neck immediately, my nose grazing his. JJ gripped my thighs tight as he placed me on top of the counter. 

He rested the palm of his hands on either side of me, enclosing my frame, daring me to move. JJ leaned down, his lips leaving phantom kisses along my collarbone, nipping as he went along. He stopped at the swell of my breasts, both hands encasing my heavy aching breasts before pressing them together. 

He pressed scorching hot, open-mouthed kisses on every inch of exposed skin. His tongue pressing against my swollen nipples before closing around one and giving a strong suck. I was a mess beneath him, my chest heaving with heavy pants. 

He nipped and tugged at the soft flesh of my breasts, leaving small purple love bites scattered on my chest. He pressed a kiss on each one, a pleased hum echoing within the bathroom. 

JJ dropped to his knees slowly, each hand running down my bare legs. I wanted to see him. 

I leaned back on the palm of my hands and arched my back in a teasing invitation. Pulling my legs from his grasp, I propped my feet up on the counter, but kept my knees bent, the tops touching.

The utter obsession that painted his face had me biting down on my lip hard enough to draw blood. “Please, Jayj.”

He stood stock still, similar to a statue. It looked like he almost stopped breathing as I slowly pushed my knees apart. I was drenched, I could feel myself soaking the skimpy fabric of my thong, my thighs glistening with the evidence of my arousal. 

JJ’s eyes went black, locking in on my wet pussy before jumping back up to me. His hands found my thighs and roughly dug into the skin to keep my legs from closing. 

He leaned forward, his index finger hooking the front of my thong before curling the fabric and tugging it up roughly between my lips. “Fuck.” I mewled, watching as he pressed his face between my legs and inhaled deeply. 

I could feel my clit throbbing, needing to be touched. With one more tug, JJ slaps the side of my thigh, having me lift my hips up to take the last piece of fabric off my body. An insatiable grin formed on his face that went straight to my clit.

The first touch onto my lips had my hips shooting off the counter, his touch like electricity. He blew a breath against the aching skin, his hot mouth watering at the sight of me. Two fingers pushed apart my drenched folds, rubbing against the sensitive skin again and again, turning me into a mindless puddle. 

He smirked at my trembling legs. “You okay, baby?”

“Fuck off.” I responded through gritted teeth, trying to gather myself. 

He dipped forward, gathering saliva before slowly spitting it out, the stream of spit pattering against my spread lips. The sound was obscene. 

“That’s not very nice.” 

Tears of frustration began to build up as I discarded my hands into those loose blonde strands, knocking his hat off. “You love it.”

The grin he sent me was feral and I knew this was exactly what I needed. “I sure do, princess.”

He enclosed his mouth against my swollen clit and sucked roughly, a loud shout erupting from the depths of my chest. JJ parted my lips again, forcing his tongue inside and out, again and again, devouring every inch of my pussy. 

My cunt clenched against his tongue making him moan loudly. My body was burning as he swirled his tongue along the bundle of nerves once more. Another cry left me as I tried to find something to grab onto. His tongue lapped up all the fluids that continued to come out and I found myself forgetting how to breathe. 

I pushed his face deeper, grinding against his nose that continuously rubbed against my clit, my fingers tugging at his hair, needing a release. The knot in my lower stomach began to tighten as I whispered his name again and again like a prayer. The sound of my breathy pleas spur him on as he slipped two fingers in my pussy, meeting no resistance. 

The squelching noises had me throwing my head back against the mirror which had begun to fog up. I clenched around his large fingers that rubbed against my sensitive walls wanting him to lose control. 

JJ curled his fingers upward causing my knees to buckle and my mind go blank. I was close and he knew based on the tremors the shook my legs. I could barely hold myself up as everything went fuzzy. 

A choked moan escaped my lips that curled into a ‘o’ as his mouth sucked that rigid spot of flesh while his fingers continued to hammer into me. The invisible band snapped and as a wave of pleasure washed over me. My body finally began to relax as I tried to catch my breath, my chest rising and falling dramatically. 

I spared a glance at him. JJ’s eyes were low, eyes pitch black and glued to my face, and his cheeks flushed red. He looked pussy drunk. 

“Looks like I have to clean you up.” He mumbled against the flesh of my thighs. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as his hot tongue began to catch all the arousal that dripped down my thighs. I was sensitive and tried to move back, but his hands locked around my thighs to keep them open. Shives forced their way up my spine as he lapped all my fluids up, humming as he went along, not leaving one bit of skin untouched. JJ pressed one last kiss before pulling back and licking his lips.

My heart hammered through my chest and vaguely though my haze of pleasure did I hear a murmur.

“Huh?” I felt him smile against my thigh, clearly finding my delirious state funny.

“Barry, man, have you seen her?” Rafe’s voice drifted under the door. 

I froze at the sound of his voice, my eyes darting to JJ who just smirked from his spot between my legs. 

“She’s right here, man.” JJ whispered, straightening up to press a kiss on the crown of my head. I shook my head at him, my eyes wide with a silent plea, but JJ disregarded it. 

 “She’s a little busy at the moment.” 

I shook my head, pressing my palm against his mouth, his next words coming out muffled. He never knew when to shut up. The last thing I needed was Rafe finding us in his bathroom.

I kept my hand on JJ’s mouth until footsteps faded and we were alone once again. 

JJ nipped at the palm of my hands, his tongue slipping out. My face screwed up as I let out a squeal, “Ew, Jayj.” 

“Shouldn’t have tried to shut me up to protect your boyfriend’s feelings.” He said the words lightly, but I could hear the slight edge in his tone. 

Pushing him off my softly, I hopped off the counter with shaky legs. “Since when do you care about Rafe’s feelings?”

I winced as I tried to take a step, my knees nearly knocking together from the aftershock. JJ always left me a shaking disheveled mess afterwards, but I felt lighter, because he was looking at me the way he used to. 

And, I wanted that to last just a bit longer. 

“I don’t care about his feelings-“ He scoffed, before pausing at the teasing smile on my lips. “You’re fucking with me.”

“Too easy.” I let out a shriek of laughter as JJ's arms wrapped around my waist, lifting me up in the air.

That was how I found myself sweaty, pressed against Rafe’s sheets, struggling to breathe. The violent sound of skin slapping echoing in the room, my raspy moans intertwining with his hot pants. 

One of JJ’s hands gripped the back of my head, pinning me to the mattress, the other pushing down on my back, forming a deep arch, to pull his cock in deeper. 

I couldn’t register anything he was muttering as he bottomed out since of me, my mind go blank. My walls spasmed against him with each rut of his hip, sucking him back in every time he pulled back. 

I was soaked, my pussy dripping around him. The sopping wet noises spurring him on, his pace quickening with those deep purposeful strokes. 

I couldn’t focus on anything but him. The smell; the feel of him. The way his cock continued to brush against my cervix made me borderline delicious. 

“Fuck,” JJ shuddered, rolling his hips in and out of my pussy had me clamping around him once more, a tidal wave beginning to build up inside me. 

 I whimper left me, the coil in my stomach pulling tight as I searched for a release. The tip of his cock pressed into me repeatedly, forcing my legs to shake once more. 

My hands searched for something to hold onto as I tried to anchor myself from being drowned in pleasure. “J. J, I-I cant-I’m gonna-“

I felt his pace begin to pick him, his cock twitching inside me as he continued his movements, grinding his hips against the globes of my ass, until there was no space between us. 

It was like he was imprinting himself into my skin. Like he didn’t want me to forget him. 

As if I could ever forget JJ Maybank. 

My whines got louder, his words becoming more and more depraved. His large calloused hands ran all over my body like he was etching it to memory. 

Quick and quiet gasps bled from my parted lips, as he hammered into me from behind, his hands lacing with mine against the sheets. 

The coil in my stomach snapped, white flash blinding my vision, this orgasim more intense than the first. I could feel myself coating his hips and upper thighs, fluids dripping on the sheets. 

I could hear JJ’s voice whine, he began to babble nonsense under his breath, with each languid thrust. 

My heartbeat was in my ears as I pushed my hips back to match his thrusts, wanting him to finish despite all my sensitivity coming to head. His nails dug my hips, my cunt suffocating as he continued to grunt his cock into me. 

“Fuck, Kiara.” His grunt echoed in the room.

Kiara? 

I went numb. I couldn’t breathe-I couldn’t, I needed-

Bile coated my throat as whatever childish hope I had shriveled up in my chest. So I laid there, not knowing what to do, as JJ continued to pump in and out of me, but the soft intimacy we shared before dissipated. 

Why did no one ever pick me? Why didn’t anyone want me? 

I let my body go limp even though everything in me wanted to shove him off, but I just couldn’t get myself to move.

That was all it took for JJ to realize the slip of his tongue. JJ froze behind me as I shoved my face into my arms and choked on a gut wrenching sob. 

“Fuck, I-hold on,” JJ’s panick was audible as he slowly pulled out of me. I cupped my mouth to try and muffle the scream I wanted to let out. 

His blue eyes widened in horror at his mistake but it was too late. The words were already burned into my mind, replaying on a torturous loop.

JJ’s hand reached out for me, but I shrank back, scrambling to the headboard, desperate to put distance between us. 

I curled into myself, pressing my back hard against the headboard, willing for myself to disappear. 

“What did you just call me?” My chin wobbled. I tried to remind myself to breathe but with each inhale, my lungs were saturated with pain. 

“I-That was an accident.” He stuttered, raking his hands through his hair roughly.

“Get out.” 

“It just slipped out, I didn’t mean it.” 

“Get the hell out, JJ.” I yelled, and pointed at the door with a shaky finger. 

Like I said, his words never dented me, no they completely destroyed me. They cut me like a freshly honed razor blade.

And I was going to die of blood loss if I didn’t get him to leave this room. He had no problem leaving me then, why was he fighting it now?

Was he thinking about her the whole time he was inside me? 

Thought after thought haunted me. Was he comparing our bodies? Was he comparing the sex? 

Mortification had my stomach churning as I debated what to do next. My body was wound tight, on the verge of hyperventilating. 

Did he love her? Did he love her like he used to love me? Did he fuck her the way he fucked me?

I hated him. Before him, none of these thoughts would have crossed my mind. I may have been alone but at least I liked who I was. I never would have questioned myself the way I am now. But after him, the only thing I hated more than him was myself.

“Was Kiara not available,” I murmured, “so you came to the one person you knew would say yes?”

JJ didn’t find my joke funny. The air was tense, as if we were trapped in a steamed up bathroom, making each breath harder than the last.

“Kie and I aren’t together.”

“JJ, you know where the door is. Use it.” 

“I don’t want to leave.” He shook his head, his eyes flickering with something heavy. 

“You had no problem doing it before.”

“That was-“ JJ squeezed his eyes shut, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

He shuffled closer to my body, but still wasn't touching me. I nibbled on my bottom lip and wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks hastily. 

“I’m sorry.” He said, clearing his throat. “I am so so sorry.”

I lost my grip completely as those eyes perverted mine. His eyes were so blue, it was easy to get lost in them. 

Words couldn’t find their way out of my mouth. With wary eyes, I watched as he stood up and disappeared in the bathroom before appearing again with his shirt. 

JJ reached for me before pausing, his eyes asking a silent question. I nodded, forcing myself to loosen the grip I had on the sheets. 

I let him put the shirt on me, its protection better than the flimsy sheet. JJ dropped his head on my chest, his tan arms wrapped around my waist, curling himself into me. 

“I’m sorry.” 

I was sorry too. I waited for months for him to be back in my arms, but he ruined every independent thought I had. I couldn’t stop the overthinking. I couldn’t stop the pain.

I was hurting too, but I was the one comforting him. I was always the one comforting him. What about me?

I laid on the soft sheets and stared up at the ceiling. Our heavy breathing echoing in an otherwise silent room. His heavy arm tossed over naked torso, his fingers softly tracing the curve. The whisper of his breath caressing the nape of my neck where his face was buried. The familiar tickle of his golden strands brushing against my nose, his coconut shampoo wafting my senses.

The JJ induced haze began to clear up and the ugliness began to set in. 

A single tear escaped my eye, its trailing burning it’s way down the side of my face. I loved him. Even after he willingly abandoned me. After he humiliated me in front of everyone. After he called me her name.

I couldn’t cut him out. It didn’t matter what he did to me, the minute we’re within the same vicinity, my self preservation disappeared. Then I was left, treading water in the middle of a storm, with nothing but a life jacket. 

I had no one to blame but myself in this situation. I knew how he spoke to me, how easily he left me, how embarrassed he was of me. But he just smiled and it was like everything melted away. 

I so badly wanted to feel again, but not like this.

So all I can do is lay here. In this bed. With a boy who made me hate the kind person that I was. 

I made my bed. I didn’t realize this was how I’d feel when I lied in it. I turned into someone I hated. And suddenly I was bone-tired, exhaustion suffocating my lungs. I had no idea who I was and I was tired of being someone I wasn’t. 

“Where are my clothes?” I said. God, I needed to leave this room before Rafe found me. 

“I wasn’t really focused on that part, babe.” JJ mumbled, burrowing himself deeper into my side. 

My stomach lurched. I thought I’d feel different. I thought that maybe this would fix everything. That in some deluded way, we would get back together and everything else didn’t matter. Like he didn’t leave me standing at the party after stomping on my chest.

“I need them.” I mumbled. I choked down the need to throw up. The feel of our sweat coating my body and his soft breaths against my skin had me almost hyperventilating. 

Home, he used to be home. But, I’ve never felt like more of a stranger than in his arms right now. This was no longer my home. 

Kook pussy. Daddy issues.

I fucked up. Fuck, I fucked up. 

This only made me feel worse. I was good enough to fuck, but not enough to stay. 

“What are you in such a hurry for?” His fingers paused their persistent movement. 

“I have to get back-“

“To who?” JJ snapped. 

I moved to sit up, dragging the sheet with me as I avoided his gaze. “You know who.”

He didn’t need to know that Rafe and I basically ended. I just wanted him to hurt in the same way I did.

He let out a scoff. “You can’t be serious?” 

“Dead serious.” 

“This isn’t like you-“

“You left. You don’t know who I am anymore.” 

“Clearly,” he chuckled under his breath, “But suddenly Rafe does?”

I shrugged. “He’s my friend.”

“I don’t give a fuck who he is-“

I tuned him out. I was too busy trying to get his actual voice out of my head. 

Kiara. Not me. Kiara. Not me. 

It had taken every bit of strength to not chase after him that day. To not call and text, begging for him to give me the time of day. And I know, I know I should be stronger. I know I should have said good riddance and moved on, but love was never simple. 

When I saw him tonight, I thought that maybe it was fate. So all the waiting, all the practice of self control paid off because he came back. But, was this what was waiting for me?

“You slept with me,” I said, “ but you’re thinking about her?”

I didn’t want to know the answer, but I had to ask it. It was just one of a million questions I had since the day he walked away. Was there something I could have done differently?

I was wracking my brain to see where I had gone wrong, but maybe I just fell in love with the wrong person.

“From what I hear, you don’t care about anything these days. Why would you care about this?” I couldn’t detect any emotion in his words, just cold hard facts. 

I really was out here exceeding everyone’s expectations of me. 

But, he had to know that when it came to him, I always cared too much. That’s why his words caused another jagged piece of my heart to puncture my chest.

“Why would I care?” I whispered, shaking my head at him. “Are you listening to yourself?” 

Had I deluded myself so much into thinking we experienced the same love in our relationship? How could he even question that. Everything I did was always for him.

“I care about you, that never changed.”

Something pained flickered through his gaze. “Care about me? Yet your fucking Rafe Cameron.” 

“You’re mad about that?” I choked on a humorless laugh,”Let me jog your memory real quick since apparently you’ve got amnesia, you were the one that told me to be with him.” 

“Well, I didn’t think you’d actually do that to me.”

I threw my arms up in the air, exasperated,”Then why say it at all? Wait, I forgot who I’m talking to. You’re the king of saying shit you don’t mean.” 

“Saying shit and actually doing it are two different things.”

“Well, you did do it Jayj.” My lungs hitched. 

His jaw tightened, tension seeping out of him in waves. 

“You left. You did the one thing you promised you’d never do. You didn’t even look back as you did it.” I shouted, tears blurring my vision as my body continued to shake from adrenaline. “All because what? Rafe hurt your feelings? Because I have more money than you?”

I wanted to understand him. I thought I did once, but the more I thought about our breakup the more I saw it had nothing to do with me. And everything to do with him.

“Do me a favor and grow up. This is the real world. You’d swap places with any one of us in a second if you could.” 

JJ narrowed his eyes. “I don’t want any part of your world. I thought I made that clear.”

“I’m aware. But I was there, remember? For every bonfire, for every boat ride with you and your friends. What was it you guys said again?” It rushed out of me, “to going full kook?”

He watched me stoically, his fingers tugging at his bracelets. 

“I guess you’re the only one that can have the money in the relationship?” I raised my eyebrow at him, waiting for him to respond. 

The beautiful blonde boy that seeped into my bloodstream and made me love him. But, ruined us in the process. He destroyed everything he touched. 

He pressed the heel of his palms against his eyes, 

“What happened?”

“You want to know what happened? You fucking happened.”

That familiar anger flared in his eyes and I knew exactly what he was going to do. What he always did to me, but this time, I wasn’t going to let him erase me. Not again.

“Let’s talk about who you turned into?” JJ spat vehemently. “What? Rafe buys you a nice purse and you’re suddenly snorting lines of coke?” 

“It was actually a couple purses.” 

JJ shot daggers at me. “So what? You’re proud of that?” No, I only wanted someone to care about me if I died.

“I’m only doing what you told me, I’m sorry you don’t like the person you turned me into.”

I didn’t like her much either. But, JJ never gave me more and I realized he would never give me more, no matter how much I pushed. No matter how hard I tried to get him to see that I was the one he should be with. 

It pained me that it took all of this for me to realize that there were parts of JJ he would never let anyone have. 

“Why are you still here?” I said quietly. “I’m not going to let you sit here and make me feel like shit for how I chose to cope with what you broke.” 

I was done giving the men in my life power over me. I needed to stand on my own two feet even if that meant I had to do it alone. 

“Feel like shit?” JJ nodded his head with mock outrage,” Princess, you just let me fuck you in your boyfriend’s bed. I think you feel like shit already.” 

He was right, but I still recoiled back at the venom he spat at me. I sagged with exhaustion. He was just lashing out the way he always did.

“I didn’t know, JJ.” My voice cracked. “I-I didn’t know. I just did what I thought I was supposed to do.”

JJ’s head snapped up at the waver in my voice. His ocean eyes showed a clear battle, one I knew he’d lose. “S-Sometimes it just felt like I wasn’t good enough.”

His confession broke me. I knew the thoughts that ravaged his brain only because those same thoughts now drown in mine.  

My fingers twisted the hem of the shirt that my body was swimming in, a nervous tic I never got rid of. “But I never said that to you, you listened to everyone but me. You were more than enough.”

A tortured look passed his face, like the obvious miscommunication had disrupted everything. “I thought I was being paraded around to prove a point.”

I roughly wiped the tears that kept falling, “It’s okay to not want to struggle for everything in your life, JJ. You were exhausted and I just wanted to help you.”

“I didn’t know. I-just didn’t know.” I continued to repeat.  And I didn't. I had no experience with love. I wanted him to have the world since he was born with less than most people I knew, yet he deserved so much more.

“You let your friends help you, I don’t understand how I was any different.”

His blonde hair was sticking up in multiple directions, a clear sign of his obvious distress. "Because they’re my family."

Irremediable sorrow burrowed in my chest. "But, I was your family too."

I felt layers of grief his me in waves, quick and hard, one after the other as I came to terms with the fact that JJ never considered me any part of his family.

"You were the only family I ever had. I thought I was your family.” I sniffled, my ribs began to ache from the constant crying. 

A loud crack had me jump back as Rafe bursted into the room, chest heaving from exertion. He paused, his eyes locking in on the messed up sheets before dragging over to me and scanning my disheveled appearance. 

I thought we hit a milestone. JJ finally started talking and letting me know exactly what was going on in that brain of his. And maybe, that would be enough for me, for now. This all happened because JJ didn’t know how to communicate and I knew that wasn’t his fault, but at one point he needed to grow up. 

I was willing to hold his hand while he did it. But I watched as JJ’s eyes clocked the necklace Rafe wore with my initials. His gaze narrowed at the purse in his hand and my car keys in the other. 

The jealousy was evident in the way he rolled his shoulders back, his face granite. “Cute necklace.”

Rafe smirked, tilting his head to the side. “Thanks. It looks even better swinging in her face.”

JJ’s cool demeanor dropped, his blue eyes darkened into a brewing storm. “Enjoy my seconds, bro.” He clapped Rafe on the chest. 

My heart popped in my chest at his words, another bandage would do little to fix the shards that once resembled a heart. And, I knew then, that JJ confirmed the conclusion I just came to myself. 

“JJ?”

“What?”

“You were right. I do deserve better than you.” 

Loving him cost me something much greater: myself. 

I couldn’t continue to hide myself in any man that told me pretty words. I was no longer my own person, just a mere extension of them. One that they treated poorly and only took out when they were bored. I was always willing to do what they would never do for me.

I was just a girl, in love with an extraordinary boy who couldn’t see past all the things he was not.

I walked over to where Rafe was, forcing myself to remember his cruel words also. It was the only way I could get myself to walk out of here. My eyes lingered on the necklace for a second before I pulled my keys from his grasp and grabbed my purse. 

I wore nothing but JJ’s shirt, but at the moment I couldn’t care less. I left my clothes in Rafe’s bathroom, deciding it was better to leave them then spend another second in either of their soul sucking presence. I could always buy another dress. 

I couldn’t buy another me. Not if I kept letting these boys break me. 

This time, I was the one that never looked back.

Side note: I WROTE THIS THREE TIMES so pls pls pls be nice to me. I tried to incorporate a lot of people's ideas. I know the OC is very wishy washy but she's so real for that.

TAG LIST: @maybankslover @theficshop @cantbecreative @plk-18

@alicecullensgf @fairylightsandbubblegum @redhead1180 @julczimozart @wh0reforbucknasty @alyisdead @trynafindliz @bradleyroosterbradshawfr @enchantedinfinity @kaylinfayezink @godknows-shetried @sipsthecoffee @leanastarky @mirellef2001 @esquivelbianca @v-a-l-n-t-y-l-e @wonderstruck4llthew4yhome @destinydestnation @ilivinili @metatarooo @a-j-stuffs @vik-05 @thecokefairy @marauderssmut @maybank-cameron-fan @arinadixin @maxine27 @wostarsea @lilymaybank @jennapancake @dreamzluvrr @formulalfc @h1storicbabe @maybankswhore @haven247 @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles @ineedtosusoutmyreadinglist @drudyslut @rockychick @little-frk-satellite @gwenlovesharrystyles @rudspankow @sabrina-carpenter-stan-account @bobo-bush

#outer banks #outerbanks imagine #obx #obx smut #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks smut #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jjmaybank #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank smut #jj maybank angst #outer banks x reader #outer banks imagine #rafe cameron imagines #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron angst #rudy pankow angst #rudy pankow smut #rudy pankow #obx jj #obx fanfiction #outerbanks angst #drew starky angst

[orezby]

Sage from High Guardian Spice (it’s my new obsession)

Here you can compare how much i changed her design.

Well i just didn’t change her outfit like that, but i wanted it to match the personnality i have come up with.

Most reviews and critics i saw lways came with the same idea : Sage is the worst character or at least the least liked one.

Well, i thought it was sad since she was one of the main protagonist. And she reminds me a lot at the character i really wanted to be as a child (in terms of powers and outfit). Not just her but also many of the characters in HGS... That must be why i like the show haha.

Anyway.

I thought while eating dinner with my family "what if Sage was just trying to show a confident facade but in reality she is just constantly freaking out about anything that’s happening ?” then the idea was born.

What if...Sage was really fond about Fashion ?

Noo don’t let leave stay pls :(

What i mean by that is..

She feels awful and disfusted by herself inside. Because her family wished to have a boy because for some reasons (i’m still trying why haha...sorry). So at first she dressed pretty and used make up to show her parents that they didn’t make the wrong choice. As the times goes by, she continues even though in her mind, it’s not to please her parents anymore, it’s to feel better. Because she is craving for people’s compliments, even though she doesn’t feel happy doing so. What she truly wants is to be herself. What she truly wants is to feel because she wants to. In others terms : freedom.

Ahh that girl is messy in the head. But i really like that kind of story in movies ! Why ? Cuz i’m a bit messy in the head too.

Ah i also have ideas for her interactions with Rosemary. And maybe her character development. Hihihi i want to share all of it here, i feel really excited. Many ideas but just two hands and one head. Plus i’m stupid and really not good in consistency. Or at least i try to be.

Idk if i was clear about Sage’s personality. In my head it’s totally clear but i know how bad i am at explication. Even so, i think she really gives of the vibe of this song :

Or

If i like this artist ? Yes. If i am a real fan of this artist ? No.

I just listen to different genres and- anyway i’m out of context.

Byee. (Nobody gonna read all that T_T)

#high guardian spice #fantasy high #sage #characters #characterfanart #fanart #anime #fanart of a character #character fanart #digital art #drawing #sketch #in my style #in my artstyle #character #artists on tumblr #art #new artist #tumblr art #nobody gonna read it #hgs #high guardian spice character #Spotify

[kazistired]

I don’t know how to do the “under the cut” thing so I’m sorry about how long this post is.

Okay guys, here’s my reactions to The School for Good and Evil movie (this was me taking notes as I watched).

THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE

Live reactions:

-KIIIIIIIT

-His guyliner is on point

-KITS MAKEUP IS AMAZING OH MY GOOOOSH

-THEY PULLED A LIV AND MADDIE WOW

-Dang, the CGI is both good and bad, wow

-okay the opening scene? The dialogue is a little cheesy but WHO CARES ITS KIT YOUNG

-first scene over and it’s already very different from the book

-SOPHIA ANNE CARUSO MY QUEEN I LOVE HER

-AGATHA. QUEEN. HECK YEAH

-they changed her mom from a healer to a wannabe witch. Weird

-they gave them more of a backstory together it’s so cute

-THEYRE SO SARCASTIC I LOVE THEM

-oh my gosh they’re so gay in this haha

-the girl playing Agatha looks so familiar

-white men. Scary dude. KEEP AWAY FROM HER YOU DRUNK WHITE ADULT MAN

-HE PULLED A KNIFE ON HER OH MY GOSH

-SOPHIE TO THE RESCUE RAPUNZEL STYLE WITH THE FRYING PAN AAAAAHHHH

-they’re gay your honor

-they’re screwing around with the people’s knowledge of the school. They didn’t know about it until now. That’s weird

-And there’s Sophie being Sophie. Good for you

-the way Sophia plays Sophie gives Lydia Deetz vibes. Maybe it’s cuz she’s the only other character I’ve seen her play, idk

-They’re a lot better friends in the movie than in the book. I think I like it

-they don’t have the whole “shadow kidnapping people every four years and the town knows and tries to stop it” thing

-at least they still have the scary bird

-they don’t set Sophie up as much as a brat before the school so it’s confusing

-the animation for the wolves isn’t very good

-THE FAERIES ARE FREAKY

-the school for evil is full of gender whyyyyyyyyy

-mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. (Red hair lady)

-mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. (Professor Dovey)

-dang lady 360 much?

-Tedros isn’t blonde. It’s a stupid thing to be petty about but okay

-Hort’s voice is very gender

-WHO’S THIS CUPID HARPY DUDE?????

-“CLOSE. DOESN’T. CUT IT. UGH.” Mommy, sorry

-Kit Young materializing in a column of blood? Yeah, okay, why not?

-Hester spits sparks. Dang

-THEY PUT BRUTAL BY OLIVIA RODRIGO IN HERE AAAAHHHHHH

-Gregor is a KING. I love him

-Sophie just straight up kissed a random dude and it was hilarious

-“I thought gnomes were supposed to be short.” “And I thought princesses were supposed to be likable.” HAHAHAHAHAHA

-Agatha and Tedros’s interactions are weird. Not as cagey as in the book.

-the props are painfully obviously props. Specifically the gnome’s staff

-WHY ISNT THE BLUE FOREST BLUE?????? ITS GOT A BLUEISH FOG AND THATS IT. IM LIVID.

-I like the pink little monster flower. It’s adorable. So cute. I love them

-someone get Gregor out of there and give him his grocery store

-SOMEONE. SAVE. GREGOR. PLEASE.

-NOOOOOO GREGOR!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY FRICKING LIGHTNING ZAPPED HIM TO DEATH OH MY GOSH WHY???????? WHY????????????????

-Lesso is BACK. Mommy, sorry, mommy, sorry

-why does Hort look like the front man of an emo band? Love him haha

-“Why don’t you go find someone else to go have mommy issues with” DAAAANG SOPHIE

-Hester is hot. Very. Hot.

-oh yeah, I forgot about the bees

-op the bees formed Kit Young. Kit Young covered in bees.

-Lesso’s got a thing for Rafal (Kit Young’s character). Wow

-okay but why is the scene with Hester putting her demon tattoo back actually heart wrenching?

-Lesso and her freaky love of Rafal. Dang.

-THANK YOU AGATHA FOR POINTING OUT HOW WHAT HAPPENED TO GREGOR IS WRONG

-“they have weapons but we have animals” wow

-CALL THEM OUT AGATHA. GO OFF GIRL

-why are they all so shallow? My gosh, I hate this trope. I’m tired of shallow princesses

-THE WISH FISH TURNED INTO A PERSON OH MY GOSH THAT WAS COOL

-THAT PERSON IS LITERALLY A CHILD OH MY GOSH AND THE CHILD FRICKING DIES IN A CLOUD OF GLITTER WHAT THE HECK

-oh yeah here’s the animal scene where they want Agatha to free them

-GREGOR GOT TURNED INTO A SKELETON BIRD OH MY GOSH

-WAIT TEDROS KILLS HIM IN THE BOOK

-NOOOOOOO TEDROS KILLED HIM I WAS RIGHT

-“Good used to be good and true. Now we are in the age of self-centered perfectionism” ha true

-there’s always a wolf playing the organ I love him

-Sophie is so pretty oh my gosh. She’s gorgeous

-wow, the doom room already? They’re really skipping a lot of stuff. The Tedros and Sophie build up isn’t happening.

-aaaaaaaaaaand there goes her hair

-the fact that Lesso cut it and they don’t have Sophie kill the Beast makes me sad, cuz that’s her tipping point in the book

-Agatha spitting FACTS

-and freaky Rafal in the mirror, lovely

-I love Kit Young so much. His voice? Amazing.

-he’s got his red vampire aesthetic going and it’s hilarious. He literally just needs fangs

-Agatha getting the build up Sophie and Tedros was supposed to get, nice

-did he trip her with his sword? I dunno

-“unlock your finger glow” “master your finger glow” why does the finger glow thing sound so weird

-Hort you masochist

-the key inserting is slightly triggering

-SOPHIE BURSTS IN LOOKING LIKE A HOTTIE WHILE YOU SHOULD SEE ME IN A CROWN BY BILLIE ELISIH PLAYS????????? OH MY GOSH SHE’S SO PRETTY AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

-They’re montaging her bonding with her coven. No development. Just sudden friendship. Even Hester is in on it

-Sophie is hot. So hot. Her dress in the archery scene? Oh my gosh

-This is a two hour movie, I just realized that. I still have an hour left

-Agatha helping Sophie cheat. Good job.

-and now Agatha is getting sad

-Hester…. Hesterrrrrr….. I’m gay

-“you promise” word choice besties

-so…. The trial by tale isn’t a school event in the movie? Really?

-Hort really holds gender in every other shot. Sometimes he’s meh and others I want to look like that

-Bestie don’t announce your location to a dangerous forest at night

-okay from certain angles Sophie with this hair cut looks like Kallmekris (YouTuber)

-FRICKING REAPER SCARECROW THATS TERRIFYING

-HA Tedros got yeeted

-WHAT IN THE FREAKY GHOST STORY WAS THAT CRAWLING PUMPKIN REAPER????? I DID A PROJECT ON A GHOST LIKE THAT IN SOCIOLOGY AND IT MESSED ME UP FOR WEEKS

-reaper go boom

-Sophie is starting to craaaaack

-AND THERE’S KIT IN HIS VAMPIRE COSPLAY AGAIN

-Dovey’s acting needs work

-okay, the Never’s dorm is top notch

-Agatha is bisexual and Sophie is a repressed lesbian. Change my mind

-op, and here comes the nemesis signs

-Kit and his vampire cosplay back at it again

-THATS SO CREEPY

-Lesso is 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

-see, in the book you don’t know which brother the school master is. Here, good is explicitly stated as the school master and Rafal is causing chaos

-“oh no she’s missing” and no one thought to check the library?

-Sophie’s nooooooooose whyyyyyy

-ooooooo, I like how they made Lesso a reader

-Tedros spitting facts

-“she’s like my sister” NAH YALL ACT TOO GAY TO BE SISTERS SORRY

-Tedros “you’re my true love” after barely interacting. Lovely.

-Sophie had a veil on how ugly is she under there?

-YO WOW SHE LOOKS LIKE MIRACLE MAX

-“quiet Aggie the protagonists are speaking” I’m stealing that, that’s such a good line

-Wow Tedros throwing Agatha under the bus

-see, if you didn’t read the book, the nemesis thing wouldn’t have made sense

-Sophie turned the teachers into wooden dolls, dang

-Agatha literally being the only one in this movie with brain cells

-Never Ball!!!!! I love it!!!!

-Sophie looking like a goblin from Gringotts

-SOPHIE’S HOT AGAIN THANK GOODNESS

-YAS QUEEN MAKE THEM UGLY

-yooooooo Hort is wearing a skirt

-awwww, they’re not ugly, their clothes are just black now

-Hester’s dress is gross

-THEYRE FIGHT SCENE IS LITERALLY A TOXIC BY BRITNEY SPEARS REMIX OH MY GOSH

-HORT IN A SKIRT IS KING LEVEL BEHAVIOR

-I love Hort. He’s my favorite

-Sophie, snap that pen

-YOOOOO THE SCHOOL MASTER WAS ACTUALLY RAFAL

-Vampire cosplay is back at it again

-wow imagine Kit Young watching this back and basically watching him kill himself

-I mean, he’s not wrong. He really did corrupt them.

-Tedros and Agatha had no build up. They had maybe two scenes and that’s it. Ugh. I hate it.

-I didn’t know I’d ever watch Jesper Fahey seduce Lydia Deetz yet here we are

-the CGI for the school’s collapsing kinda sucks not gonna lie

-wow Agatha, that’s cheesy

-what’s with 100s of years old beings wanting to marry Sophia’s character?

-and after an awful stab scene the school’s rebuild lovely

-Sophie being stabbed by the Storian was cheesy as heck

-Rafal called Excalibur an oversized butter knife and honestly good for him

-Sophie is dying so slowly my gosh

-why didn’t Agatha just grab the sword? Why waste Sophie’s fading energy to send it through the air?

-all it took to kill him was one slash? Really?

-Ha, they kissed (yes it was a kiss goodbye cuz Sophie died but whatever)

-ah yes, the magic tears trope

-goooooood morning Sophie

-so…… no teleportation? They don’t get yeeted back to their home town?

-NO WOLF/FAERIE EVER NEVER REVEAL?????? SERIOUSLY????? THAT WAS MY FAVORITE PART OF THE BOOK!!!!!!

-HORT STRAIGHT UP REJECTING BEATRICE YESSSSSSS

-oh okay, they walk through a portal instead

-AGATHA STAYS????? FOR A BOY?????? THAT SHE BARELY KNOWS????? SERIOUSLY???????

-okay nevermind, she goes too

-they use their magic to make birds poop on their bullies. Nice.

-they set it up for a second movie. Good for them.

Okay, so basically they hit enough of their basic plot points to make it through but honestly? Wasn’t the best. The book was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay better.

#the school for good and evil #the school for good and evil spoilers #the school for good and evil movie #the book is always better than the movie #what the heck did I just watch? #Kit young’s vampire cosplay #I’m very gay

[kastrupmcmillan60]

Here are the Nominees for the 2022 VMAs

MTV has announced the nominees for the Video Music Awards show, which will air on August 28. While it's unclear who will perform this year, here are the artists who are up for the award.

The 2022 VMA nominees include Lil Nas X, Jack Harlow and Kendrick Lamar, who each received seven nominations. Doja Cat, Harry Styles and Harry Styles are next with six each. Five each for Drake, Taylor Swift and Billie Eilish.

The hosts and performers of the show have not yet been announced. Presently, nominee Doja Cat hosted the VMAs last year.

Doja Cat for Woman, Drake featuring Future and Young Thug are the Video of the Year nominees. Harry Styles is nominated for As It Was. Olivia Rodrigo for Brutal and Taylor Swift for All Too Well (10-Minute Version) (Taylor’s version). Here are the nominees:

Nominated nominees for the 2022 VMAs

Video of the Year Doja Cat, Woman

Bad Bunny is the Artist of The Year

Drake

Ed Sheeran

Harry Styles

Jack Harlow

Lil Nas X

Lizzo

Song of the Year Adele, Easy on Me

Best New Artist Baby Keem

Dove Cameron

Gayle

Latto

Maneskin

Seventeen

The Best Push Performance of the Year Griff, One Night

Remi Wolf, Sexy Villain

Nessa Barrett, I Hope Ur Miserable Until Ur Dead

Seventeen, Rock With You

Mae Muller, Better Days

Gayle, abcdefu

Shenseea, R. U That

Omar Apollo, Tamagotchi

Wet Leg, Chaise Longue

Muni Long Baby Boo, Muni Long

Doechii, Persuasive

Best Collaboration Drake ft. Future and Young Thug, Way 2 Sexy

Elton John and Dua Lipa, Cold Heart (PNAU Remix)

Post Malone and The Weeknd, One Right Now

Rosalia ft. Rosalia feat.

Best Pop Billie Eilish, Happier Than Ever

Olivia Rodrigo, Traitor

Best Hip-Hop Eminem and Snoop Dogg, From the D 2 the LBC

Future feat. Minecraft servers Drake and Tems, Wait for U

Latto, Big Energy

Nicki Minaj ft. Lil Baby - Do We Have a Problem?

Pusha T, Diet Coke

Best Rock Foo Fighters, Love Dies Young

Jack White, Taking Me Back

Muse Willn't Stand Down

Red Hot Chili Peppers, Black Summer

Shinedown, Planet Zero

Three Days Grace, So Called Life

Best Alternative Avril Lavigne with. Blackbear, Love It When You Hate Me

Imagine Dragons and JID, Enemy

Machine Gun Kelly feat. Willow, Emo girl

Maneskin, I Wanna Be Your Slave

Panic! at the Disco, Viva Las Vengeance

Twenty One Pilots, Saturday

Willow and Avril Lavigne Avril Lavigne and Willow. Travis Barker, G R O W

Best Latin Anitta, Envolver

Bad Bunny, Titi Me Pregunto

Becky G and Karol G, Mamiii

Daddy Yankee Remix

Farruko, Pepas

J Balvin and Skrillex, In Da Getto

Best R&B Alicia Keys City of Gods (Part 2)

Chloe, Have Mercy

H.E.R., For Anyone

Summer Walker and SZA and Cardi B, No Love (Extended Version)

The Weeknd, Out of Time

Best K-pop BTS (The Most Beautiful Moment)

Itzy, Loco

Lisa, Lalisa

Seventeen, Hot

Stray Kids, Maniac

Twice, the Feels

Video for Good Kendrick The Heart Part 5

Latto, P*ssy

Lizzo, About Damn Time

Rina Sawayama, This Hell

Stromae, Fils de Joie

Best Metaverse Performance Blackpink The Virtual

Minecraft

Charli XCX

Justin Bieber - An Interactive Virtual Experience | Wave

Rift Tour ft. Ariana Grande | Fortnite

Twenty One Pilots Concert Experience

Best Longform Video Billie Eilish is Happier Than Ever: A Love Note to Los Angeles

Foo Fighters, Studio 666

Kacey Musgraves, Star-Crossed

Madonna, Madame X

Olivia Rodrigo, Driving Home 2 U

Best Cinematography Baby Keem, Kendrick Lamar and Family Ties

Camila Cabello ft. Ed Sheeran, Bam Bam

Kendrick Lamar, N95

Family Ties, Best Direction Baby Keem and Kendrick Lamar

Billie Eilish, Happier Than Ever

Ed Sheeran, Shivers

Best Art Direction Adele, Oh My God

Drake ft. Future and Young Thug, Way 2 Sexy

Kacey Musgraves, Simple Times

Megan Thee Stallion feat. Dua Lipa Sweetest Pie

Best Visual Effects Billie Eilish, Happier Than Ever

My Universe, Coldplay and BTS

Kendrick Lamar, The Heart Part 5

Megan Thee Stallion and Dua Lipa, Sweetest Pie

The Kid Laroi and Justin Bieber, Stay

Best Choreography BTS Permission to Dance

Doja Cat, Woman

FKA twigs ft. The Weeknd, Tears In The Club

Harry Styles, As It Was

Industry Baby, Jack Harlow and Lil Nas X

Normani ft. Cardi B, Wild Side

Best Editing Baby Keem, Kendrick Lamar and Family Ties

Doja Cat, Get into It (Yuh)

Olivia Rodrigo, Brutal

Rosalia, Saoko

Taylor Swift, All Too Well (10-Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version).

The Weeknd, Take my Breath

#MINECRAFT SERVERS #Minecraft server list

[lauesenjensby43]

Here are the Nominees for the 2022 VMAs

MTV has announced the nominees for its Video Music Awards show that's scheduled to air on Aug. 28. While it's unclear who will perform this year, here are the artists up for awards.

The 2022 VMA nominees include Lil Nas X, Jack Harlow and Kendrick Lamar who each got seven nominations. They're followed by Doja Cat and Harry Styles, who both received six nominations. Drake, Taylor Swift, Billie Eilish, Ed Sheeran, Dua Lipa and The Weeknd scored five apiece.

Performers and hosts for the show have yet to be announced. Current nominee Doja Cat hosted the VMAs last year.

The Video of the Year award nominees include Doja Cat for Woman; Drake featuring Future and Young Thug for Way 2 Sexy; Ed Sheeran for Shivers; Harry Styles for As It Was; Lil Nas X and Jack Harlow for Industry Baby; Olivia Rodrigo for Brutal and Taylor Swift for All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor's Version). Here are the nominees:

The 2022 VMAs nominees

Video of the Year Doja Cat, Woman

Artist of the Year Bad Bunny

Drake

Ed Sheeran

Harry Styles

Jack Harlow

Lil Nas X

Lizzo

Song of the Year Adele"Easy on Me

Baby Keem is the Best New Artist

Dove Cameron

Gayle

Latto

Maneskin

Seventeen

The Best Push Performance of the Year Griff, One Night

Remi Wolf, Sexy Villain

Nessa Barrett, I Hope Ur Miserable Until Ur Dead

Seventeen, Rock With You

Mae Muller, Better Days

Gayle, abcdefu

Shenseea, R U That

Omar Apollo, Tamagotchi

Wet Leg, Chaise Longue

Muni Long Baby Boo, Muni Long

Doechii, Persuasive

Best Collaboration Drake with. Future, Young Thug Way 2 Sexy

Elton John and Dua Lipa, Cold Heart (PNAU Remix)

Post Malone and The Weeknd, One Right Now

Rosalia ft. Rosalia ft.

Best Pop Billie Eilish, Happier Than Ever

Olivia Rodrigo, Traitor

Best Hip-Hop Eminem and Snoop Dogg, From the D 2 the LBC

Future ft. Drake and Tems, Wait for U

Latto, Big Energy

Nicki Minaj ft. Lil Baby, Do We Have a Problem?

Pusha T, Diet Coke

Best Rock Foo Fighters, Love Dies Young

Jack White, Taking Me Back

Muse will not let go

Red Hot Chili Peppers, Black Summer

Shinedown, Planet Zero

Three Days Grace, So Called Life

Best Alternative Avril Lavigne ft. Blackbear, Love It When You Hate Me

Imagine Dragons and JID, Enemy

Machine Gun Kelly feat. Willow, Emo girl

Maneskin, I Wanna Be Your Slave

Panic! https://bonfire.im/ at the Disco, Viva Las Vengeance

Twenty-one Pilots, Saturday

Willow and Avril lavigne with. Travis Barker. G R O W

Best Latin Anitta, Envolver

Bad Bunny, Titi Me Pregunto

Becky G and Karol G. Mamiii

Daddy Yankee Remix

Farruko, Pepas

J Balvin and Skrillex, In Da Getto

Best R&B Alicia Keys, City of Gods (Part II)

Chloe, Have Mercy

H.E.R.

Summer Walker, Cardi B, Summer Walker and SZA (Extended Version).

The Weeknd In, Out Of Time

Best K-pop BTS, Yet to Come (The Most Beautiful Moment)

Itzy, Loco

Lisa, Lalisa

Seventeen, Hot

Stray Kids, Maniac

Twice, the Feels

Video for Good Kendrick The Heart Part 5

Latto, P*ssy

Lizzo, About Damn Time

Rina Sawayama: This Hell

Stromae, Fils de Joie

PUBG

Minecraft

Roblox

Justin Bieber - An Interactive Virtual Experience | Wave

Rift Tour ft. Ariana Grande | Fortnite

Twenty One Pilots Concert Experience

Best Longform Video Billie Eilish, Happier Than Ever A Love Letter to Los Angeles

Foo Fighters, Studio 666

Kacey Musgraves, Star-Crossed

Madonna, Madame X

Olivia Rodrigo, Driving Home 2 U

Best Cinematography Baby Keem and Kendrick Lamar, Family Ties

Camila Cabello ft. Ed Sheeran, Bam Bam

Kendrick Lamar, N95

Family Ties, Best Direction Baby Keem and Kendrick Lamar

Billie Eilish, Happier Than Ever

Ed Sheeran, Shivers

Best Art Direction Adele, Oh My God

Drake ft. Future and Young Thug Way 2 Sexy

Kacey Musgraves, Simple Times

Megan Thee Stallion feat. Dua Lipa Sweetest Pie

Best Visual Effects Billie Eilish, Happier Than Ever

My Universe, Coldplay and BTS

Kendrick Lamar, The Heart Part 5.

Megan Thee Stallion, Dua Lipa and Sweetest Pie

Stay with Justin Bieber and The Kid Laroi

Best Choreography BTS, Permission to Dance

Doja Cat, Woman

FKA twigs ft. The Weeknd, Tears In The Club

Harry Styles, As It Was

Lil Nas X and Jack Harlow, Industry Baby

Normani ft. Cardi B, Wild Side

Best Editing Baby Keem, Kendrick Lamar and Family Ties

Doja Cat, Get In It (Yuh)

Olivia Rodrigo, Brutal

Rosalia, Saoko

Taylor Swift, All Too Well (10-Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version).

The Weeknd Take my Breath

#Bonfire

[vasquezdavidsen12]

Here's everyone Nominated for the 2022 VMAs

MTV has announced the nominees for its Video Music Awards show that's set to air on Aug. 28. Although it's not clear who will perform, here are the artists that are nominated for awards.

The 2022 VMA nominees are Jack Harlow, Lil Nas X and Kendrick lamar who each got seven nominations. Doja Cat, Harry Styles and Harry Styles are next with six each. Drake, Taylor Swift, Billie Eilish, Ed Sheeran, Dua Lipa and The Weeknd each scored five points.

Performers and a host for the show are yet to be announced. The host for the VMAs in 2013 was Doja Cat, current nominee.

The Video of the Year award nominees include Doja Cat for Woman; Drake featuring Future and Young Thug for Way 2 Sexy; Ed Sheeran for Shivers; Harry Styles for As It Was; Lil Nas X and Jack Harlow for Industry Baby; Olivia Rodrigo for Brutal and Taylor Swift for All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor's version). Here are the nominees:

The nominees for the 2022 VMAs

Video of the Year Doja Cat, Woman

Bad Bunny is the Artist of The Year

Drake

Ed Sheeran

Harry Styles

Jack Harlow

Lil Nas X

Lizzo

Song of the Year Adele, Easy on Me

Baby Keem is the best New Artist

Dove Cameron

Gayle

Latto

Maneskin

Seventeen

The Year's Best Push Performance Griff One Night

Remi Wolf, Sexy Villain

Nessa Barrett, I Hope Ur Miserable Until Ur Dead

Seventeen, Rock with You

Mae Muller, Better Days

Gayle, abcdefu

Shenseea, R U That

Omar Apollo, Tamagotchi

Wet Leg, Chaise Longue

Muni Long Baby Boo

Doechii, Persuasive

Best Collaboration Drake ft. Future and Young Thug Way 2 Sexy

Elton John and Dua lipa, Cold Heart (PNAU remix)

Post Malone and The Weeknd, One Right Now

Rosalia ft. The Weeknd, La Fama

Best Pop Billie Eilish, Happier Than Ever

Olivia Rodrigo, Traitor

Best Hip-Hop Eminem and Snoop Dogg, From the D 2 the LBC

Future ft. Drake and Tems, Wait for U

Latto, Big Energy

Nicki Minaj ft. Lil Baby Do We Have a Problem?

Pusha T, Diet Coke

Best Rock Foo Fighters, Love Dies Young

Jack White, Taking Me Back

Muse, won't stand down

Red Hot Chili Peppers, Black Summer

Shinedown, Planet Zero

Three Days Grace, So Called Life

Best Alternative Avril Lavigne with. Blackbear, Love It When You Hate Me

Imagine Dragons and JID, Enemy

Machine Gun Kelly ft. Willow, Emo Girl

Maneskin, I Wanna Be Your Slave

Panic! https://mcname.org/ at the Disco, Viva Las Vengeance

Twenty One Pilots, Saturday

Willow and Avril Lavigne Avril Lavigne and Willow. Travis Barker, G R O W

Best Latin Anitta, Envolver

Bad Bunny, Titi Me Pregunto

Becky G and Karol G, Mamiii

Remix of Daddy Yankee

Farruko, Pepas

Skrillex and J Balvin, In Da Getto

Best R&B Alicia Keys, City of Gods (Part II)

Chloe, Have Mercy

H.E.R.

Summer Walker, Cardi B, Summer Walker and SZA (Extended Version).

The Weeknd Out Of Time

Best K-pop BTS (The Most Beautiful Moment)

Itzy, Loco

Lisa, Lalisa

Seventeen, Hot

Stray Kids, Maniac

Twice The Feels

Video for Good Kendrick Lamar, The Heart Part 5

Latto, P*ssy

Lizzo, About Damn Time

Rina Sawayama: This Hell

Stromae, Fils de Joie

Best Metaverse Performance Blackpink The Virtual

Minecraft

Roblox

Justin Bieber - An Interactive Virtual Experience | Wave

Rift Tour ft. Ariana Grande | Fortnite

Twenty One Pilots Concert Experience

Best Longform Video Billie Eilish, Happier Than Ever: A Love Letter to Los Angeles

Foo Fighters, Studio 666

Kacey Musgraves, Star-Crossed

Madonna, Madame X

Olivia Rodrigo, Driving Home 2 U

Best Cinematography Baby Keem, Kendrick Lamar and Family Ties

Camila Cabello ft. Ed Sheeran, Bam Bam

Kendrick Lamar, N95

Best Direction Baby Keem and Kendrick Lamar, Family Ties

Billie Eilish, Happier Than Ever

Ed Sheeran, Shivers

Best Art Direction Adele, Oh My God

Drake ft. Future, Young Thug Way 2 Sexy

Kacey Musgraves, Simple Times

Megan Thee Stallion ft. Dua Lipa, Sweetest Pie

Best Visual Effects Billie Eilish, Happier Than Ever

My Universe, Coldplay and BTS

Kendrick Lamar, The Heart Part 5

Megan Thee Stallion and Dua Lipa, Sweetest Pie

The Kid Laroi and Justin Bieber, Stay

Best Choreography BTS, Permission To Dance

Doja Cat, Woman

FKA Twigs feat. The Weeknd, Tears In The Club

Harry Styles, As It Was

Lil Nas X and Jack Harlow, Industry Baby

Normani ft. Cardi B, Wild Side

Best Editing Baby Keem and Kendrick Lamar, Family Ties

Doja Cat, Get into It (Yuh)

Olivia Rodrigo, Brutal

Rosalia, Saoko

Taylor Swift, All Too Well (10-Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version).

The Weeknd Take My Breath

#Mcname #Mc name #Name mc

[cruzhammond]

Here's who's Nominated for the 2022 VMAs

MTV has announced the nominees to the Video Music Awards show, which airs on August 28. It's difficult to know the performers, but here are the nominees.

The 2022 VMA nominees for 2022 include Lil Nas X, Jack Harlow and Kendrick Lamar, who each received seven nominations. Doja Cat, Harry Styles and Harry Styles are next with six each. Drake, Taylor Swift, Billie Eilish, Ed Sheeran, Dua Lipa and The Weeknd have each collected five points.

Performers and a host for the show are yet to be announced. Last year's VMAs host was Doja Cat, who is currently a nominee.

The Video of the Year award nominees include Doja Cat for Woman; Drake featuring Future and Young Thug for Way 2 Sexy; Ed Sheeran for Shivers; Harry Styles for As It Was; Lil Nas X and Jack Harlow for Industry Baby; Olivia Rodrigo for Brutal and Taylor Swift for All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor's version). Here are all the nominees:

Nominated nominees for the 2022 VMAs

Video of the Year Doja Cat Woman

Bad Bunny is the Artist of the Year.

Drake

Ed Sheeran

Harry Styles

Jack Harlow

Lil Nas X

Lizzo

Song of the Year Adele"Easy on Me

Baby Keem is the Best New Artist

Dove Cameron

Gayle

Latto

Maneskin

Seventeen

The Best Push Performance of the Year Griff, One Night

Remi Wolf, Sexy Villain

Nessa Barrett, I Hope Ur Miserable Until Ur Dead

Seventeen, Rock With You

Mae Muller, Better Days

Gayle, abcdefu

Shenseea, R. U That

Omar Apollo, Tamagotchi

Wet Leg, Chaise Longue

Muni Long Baby Boo

Doechii, Persuasive

Best Collaboration Drake feat. Future, Young Thug, Way 2 Sexy

Elton John and Dua Lipa, Cold Heart (PNAU Remix)

Post Malone and The Weeknd, One Right Now

Rosalia ft. Rosalia ft.

Best Pop Billie Eilish, Happier Than Ever

Olivia Rodrigo, Traitor

Best Hip-Hop Eminem and Snoop Dogg, From the D 2 the LBC

Future ft. Drake and Tems, Wait for U

Latto, Big Energy

Nicki Minaj ft. Lil Baby, Do We Have A Problem?

Pusha T, Diet Coke

Best Rock Foo Fighters, Love Dies Young

Jack White, Taking Me Back

Muse Willn't Stand Down

Red Hot Chili Peppers, Black Summer

Shinedown, Planet Zero

Three Days Grace, So Called Life

Best Alternative Avril lavigne ft. Blackbear. Love It When You Hate Me

Imagine Dragons and JID, Enemy

Machine Gun Kelly ft. Willow, Emo Girl

Maneskin, I Wanna Be Your Slave

Panic! at the Disco, Viva Las Vengeance

Twenty One Pilots, Saturday

Willow and Avril Lavigne with. Travis Barker, G R O W

Best Latin Anitta, Envolver

Bad Bunny, Titi Me Pregunto

Becky G and Karol G, Mamiii

Remix of Daddy Yankee

Farruko, Pepas

Skrillex and J Balvin, In Da Getto

Best R&B Alicia Keys City of Gods (Part 2)

Chloe, Have Mercy

H.E.R.

Summer Walker and SZA and Cardi B, No Love (Extended Version)

The Weeknd, Out Of Time

Best K-pop BTS of All Time, to Come (The Most Beautiful Moment)

Itzy, Loco

Lisa, Lalisa

Seventeen, Hot

Stray Kids, Maniac

Twice, the Feels

Video for Good Kendrick Lamar, The Heart Part 5

Latto, P*ssy

Lizzo, About Damn Time

Rina Sawayama: This Hell

Stromae, Fils de Joie

PUBG

Minecraft

Charli XCX - Roblox

Justin Bieber - An Interactive Virtual Experience | Wave

Rift Tour ft. Ariana Grande | Fortnite

Twenty One Pilots Concert Experience

Best Longform Video Billie Eilish is Happier Than Ever A Love Note to Los Angeles

Foo Fighters, Studio 666

Kacey Musgraves, Star-Crossed

Madonna, Madame X

Olivia Rodrigo, Driving Home 2 U

Best Cinematography Baby Keem and Kendrick Lamar, Family Ties

Camila Cabello ft. Ed Sheeran, Bam Bam

Kendrick Lamar, N95

Family Ties, Best Direction Baby Keem and Kendrick Lamar

Billie Eilish, Happier Than Ever

Ed Sheeran, Shivers

Best Art Direction Adele, Oh My God

Drake ft. Future and Young Thug, Way 2 Sexy

Kacey Musgraves, Simple Times

Megan Thee Stallion ft. Dua Lipa, Sweetest Pie

Best Visual Effects Billie Eilish, Happier Than Ever

Coldplay and BTS, My Universe

Kendrick Lamar, The Heart Part 5.

Megan Thee Stallion and Dua Lipa, Sweetest Pie

The Kid Laroi and Justin Bieber, Stay

Best Choreography BTS, Permission to Dance

Doja Cat, Woman

FKA Twigs feat. Minecraft Servers The Weeknd, Tears In The Club

Harry Styles, As It Was

Industry Baby, Jack Harlow and Lil Nas X

Normani ft. Cardi B, Wild Side

Best Editing Baby Keem, Kendrick Lamar and Family Ties

Doja Cat, Get In It (Yuh)

Olivia Rodrigo, Brutal

Rosalia, Saoko

Taylor Swift, All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor's Version)

The Weeknd, Take My Breath

#Minecraft Servers

[looonnamoon]

Our Forever

Bakugou x reader

Angst - fluff

A/N: took all inspiration from listening to Olivia Rodrigo's, 'Drivers Licence' at 2:30 in the morning.

Hope you enjoy my sweets!♥︎

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

It was a quiet night as the car drove by in a moderate pace, houses blurry on all sides as he drove on and on. The turns and twists of this road felt so familiar, yet strange at the same time. A soft playlist sung through the emptiness of the car, only carting through Bakugous ears.

It was odd, really. He shouldn't be up at this time but here he is, insomniac mind keeping him up at 2:25 in the morning and making more turns, only glancing at the street sign, indicating where he was going to. He only realizes when he pulls up to the same house.

But the different thing was, that you two had broken up. A familiar song began to play through his radio speakers as he begins to adjust himself.

Dear God, why this song?

But he kept the tears at bay as he instinctively looked up to your bedroom window, still the same. His heart pounded against his ribs in anticipation, briefly forgetting the last interaction that you two had. The light was on, so you were awake but why were you not there? Why weren't you there?

'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street.

His grip on the steering wheel tightened as the vrring of the engine led him down memory lane, traveling through happy memories and similar situations to this one. Where you would look out the window, smiling so widely at him, then sprinting downstairs and bolting at the door to see him, only slipping that one time in the winter. And you would come up to his car and kiss him everytime.

'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street.

You didn't actually say that, but to him it felt like you did. And it was true too. He did say forever, he really did. He said forever when he kissed you for the first time, when he put his jacket on you when you were cold, when you took care of him whenever he was hurt. He did say forever.

He did, he really did... didn't he?

Didn't he say forever to you everytime he looked at you like the moon, that would light the path way through the abyss of his wretched mind, the only thing that would warm his steady, cold heart, his only flower, his love? Didn't he...?

He looked up at the window again, hoping to see his forever again.

And you did too.

You looked down at the car, it was the same car that you would get excited over everytime it came around. You chewed your lip as your mind berated you for looking again. But you couldn't deny this simple, yet brutal fact. You couldn't deny the heartache that you felt everytime you would walk past him, going to familiar places or feeling familiar things without him. You couldn't deny the raging love you still have for him. He was your sun that would lead you through the coldness of the night, the ground that you would steady yourself on, and the man that you called your forever. He was your forever.

You examined his face as he smiled. It wasn't the usual smirk he would give when you would come up to the window. No, it was a more gentle one, an admirable one as he finally saw his forever. And you couldn't help but smile too as the tears ran down your face and ignored your logical minds words as you quietly ran down the stairs and out the door, only slipping that one time in the winter.

The only difference was now was that he came out of the car too, unable to stay in his seat for long and embracing eachother again. Finally, the familiar angst went away as you hugged, trying to snuggle deep into eachother, wanting to mold together more and more. It felt right, doing this.

The both of you began to mutter strings of love and anguish, pleading with eachother to never leave again, to stay by their sides as you professed your love under the moonlight again.

And so, Bakugou drove to the park, running towards the little empty field surrounded by the wood that only you two knew, and under the moonlight, you two slept peacefully, knowing that the other half was with you again, forever. ♡

#bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #mha #mha bakugou #bakugou x reader fluff #bakugou x reader angst #bnha #bnha bakugou #katsuki x reader #deadass i was ranting to myself abt this #and i was like you should write this down #forgot some of the bits #but its okay #LOVE THIS CLICHÉ #and i dont care what u say abt it #bc its cute lol

[mntalbrakdown]

brutal

sebastian stan x actress! reader

based on 'brutal- Olivia Rodrigo

mentions of: manipulation, angst, death if u squint

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 |part 7

A/N literally no one asked for this but idk this song on her album is my favorite and I thought it would be a good story. If you would like I could do one about happier. It’s just a thought.

masterlist!

"Oh my god, I am so insecure," you say to yourself, it took more than thirty minutes to lose the paparazzi that was following you, you finally arrived home, and then realized that was the last thing you wanted to do, you didn't want to be in bed. Because you knew you would spiral and than like every now and then you thought you would die young, like before you could drink, and then realized you are still here, alive and somewhat thriving (depending on the day people asked)

Before you started your car you got a notification, more like thousands of notifications, out of curiosity you opened your phone and saw a bunch of posts about your interaction with Sebastian today. You decided to take it to Twitter, you didn't really post there unless you truly thought it was serious, usually, it was about activism and upcoming projects you have coming up, so you thought it would be perfect,

I'm so caught up in the news, of who likes me and who hates you, and I'm so tired that I might quit my job, start a new life and they'd all be so disappointed because who am I, if not exploited?

You posted that and left your phone in the cup holder, and decided to head out of your driveway and into someplace else. Every now and then you heard buzz coming from your phone and you brushed it off thinking it was probably just people going crazy about what you had just posted.

While you were driving you thought of how annoying some people can be, especially older ones. Specifically, when someone says "enjoy your youth" you might just cry on the spot, it was the most annoying thing someone can ever say because you cant enjoy your youth when everyone is looking and praying that you do something stupid. Almost as if the media was a lion and you were their prey, they were ready to pounce at any given moment they got. That's why you never stood up for yourself because they will take it and twist your words so it looks like you meant something you didn't. And you were anxious and nothing could help, and you wished you have done this before, having a public breakup was the worst thing you were going through, and you wished people liked you more, people were favoriting Sebastian, saying you cheated and how you never deserved him. All you try to do is your best, and this was the kind of thanks you get? It surprises you nonetheless.

Anyone who saw you from the outside probably thought you were upset and don't want to be bothered but really on the inside there is so many emotions going on, the way you think is faster than the speed limit you're going, Your brain works fast, not leaving it blank, ever. They say these are the golden years, but you wish you could disappear. Ego crush is so severe. God, it's brutal out here. You thought rolling your eyes when you got the fifth red light in a row, you don't even know where you were going.

You looked around you and saw you were in malibu, maybe the beach could help your mind, Don't get it wrong, you would never be caught dead at the beach, but the feeling of just taking your shoes off and walking on the sand seems peaceful enough.

You found a parking spot (which took an eternity) and took your phone with some headphones, and sunglasses because of how bright the sun was. You were so alone, yes maybe you had a boyfriend at the time, and he was the nicest person ever, but there is no spark there, nothing exciting, maybe it's because no one likes you, you were a terrible person, maybe the press was correct. Maybe you just hated the way the press perceived you and it was manipulating you as well. I mean you really only have two real friends you, maybe you should go to them, but all your thoughts vanished when you heard your name being called out, a familiar voice coming.

"Leave me alone!" you say facing the person

"Oh, come on sweets, you know you still love me," he says making you face him.

"Stop you're making me blush," you say sarcastically

"How are you doing?" he asks

"We just had coffee together, are you really asking that?" you said scoffing. "The way that turned out, I am a nervous wreck," you say getting your sunglasses and folding them so you can see Sebastian more clearly.

"What? why?" he asks

"Do you really want to hear the long list" he nods "Because I love people I don't like, and I hate everything I do, I'm not cool, and I'm not smart and I can't even parallel park" you end off with a half-hearted chuckle. you say sitting on the sand looking at the ocean. Sebastian following swiftly. He looks at you, almost apologetically for making you out to be the bad guy.

"All I did was try my best," You say meeting his eyes."And this the kind of thanks I get?" you laugh again you couldn't believe what your life has become.

"Unrelentlessly upset?" Sebastian asks and you nod looking away from him because of how attractive he looks, you couldn't do it to your boyfriend, and you definitely can't do it to yourself.

"They say these are the golden years, but I wish I could disappear," you say almost as if you were talking to the ocean.

"Ego crush is so severe," he says

"God, it's brutal out here," you say facing him and you both laugh in union. This is the Sebastian that you fell in love, not the one who plays mind games, the one you can have fun with.

"yeah," he says with a grin

"Now I'm just having a good time," you said.

That was a few days ago and since then you broke up with your recent boyfriend because you realized you jumped into things really quick and they understood. Today you had to go to an interview and speak on what is going on in your life.

"Just havin' a really good time," You say to the interviewer with the fakest smile plastered on your face.

"Y/N, really, what is going on? No filter" the interviewer asks and that's when you just break down.

"God, I don't even know where to start, I have a broken ego and a broken heart, yeah it’s brutal out here”and that's when you started to bawl your eyes out. No crocodile tears, a full-on river. Sebastian on the other end of his device saw how broken you looked and he immediately froze. “Yeah it’s brutal out here” he says.

#bucky barnes x reader smut #sebastian stan x reader smut #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x actress! reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader

[ask-the-aspects]

Camijo 2.0 Playlist

📷 Full playlist here ♾

General Warnings: Self-doubt, self-deprecation, internalized ableism, depressive ideation

Paradise - Coldplay Warnings: None? Escapism song. Camijo wants to connect to people, but she learned quickly that society doesn't want her, so instead she makes do with her fictional worlds where she feels like she could actually belong.

sorry haha i fell asleep - egg Warnings: Negative self-talk Camijo tries to avoid social interaction because she's afraid of being judged and rejected. She wants to be close to others, but the effort of masking takes a lot out of her, so she pushes everyone away.

Little Girl - Faith Marie Warnings: Depression, depressive ideation Camijo used to get labelled as annoying or obnoxious because she was so talkative, so now she's taught herself to stay quiet. To her, she's the only problem in the mindscape, and she's trying to fix that.

Little Game - Benny Warnings: Sewerslide mention, minor depictions of violence Camijo puts on masks whenever she's around others in order to appear "normal." She's reached a point where faking a smile and being somebody she's not is easy, which is fine, right? She can't be hurt anymore, after all. You can't break something that's already broken.

You Don't Know About Me - Ella Vos Warnings: None? Camijo hates it when people judge her, because they don't know her. They don't know what she's going through, they don't see the amount of effort she puts into everything. She tries to remind herself of that whenever somebody says something that hurts her, even if she can't ignore it.

I Am Not A Robot - MARINA Warnings: Cigarette mention Camijo's been keeping herself emotionally distant despite how much she wants to connect with others because she doesn't want to be hated for who she is, even if being loved means pretending to be somebody she isn't, because she doesn't think she's loveable.

I Am Shit - Crywank Warnings: Self-deprecation Camijo has a habit of overanalyzing everything she does and says, which always eventually brings her to the conclusion that she is a bad person. She's selfish, hypocritical, and manipulative.

Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo Warnings: Depressive ideation, self-deprecation Camijo has tried really hard to be good enough, for herself, for Chrome, for Ace, for literally anyone, but she's never good enough and she hates everything about herself as a result, and now she wishes she could fade away so she can at least stop being miserable and inconvenient.

Shatter Me - Lindsey Stirling Warnings: None? Camijo doesn't even feel alive anymore. She masks constantly, to the point that she doesn't have a personality of her own. She needs help finding her own personality that isn't just a façade designed to make others happy, she needs to find out how to shatter the masks.

Waving Through A Window - Dear Evan Hansen Warnings: None? Camijo feels like an outsider. She didn't always, but while everyone around her grew up and got tired of her, she couldn't figure out how to keep up and change with them - and nobody could teach her how - and so instead she learned that it's easier to just not take risks in friendship in order to keep from getting hurt or abandoned.

Are You Satisfied? - MARINA Warnings: Depressive ideation Camijo bears the brunt of Chrome's unrealistic expecations, and of her disappointment. She lies to everyone, including herself, just to make it in life, and still fails to live up to anybody's expectations. She's consantly alone, depressed, stressed out, and failing.

Bird With A Broken Wing - Owl City Warnings: Depression, death mention Camijo feels alone, broken, and destined to be misunderstood. She's the reason I want to connect with others, but the reason I can't handle rejection; the reason for my hyperempathy, but the reason I can't express sympathy; the reason I want to create, but the reason I get burnt out easily. She wishes she could go back in time and redo everything so she doesn't fuck up everything. She knows she's "supposed" to be proud in who she is and her differences, and she knows autism can't be cured, but she wouldn't mind if she was the one case that it was.

#camijo #playlist #my sides

[pinkmerc]

( emma mackey. 22. she/they. demigirl. ) are you a VIGILANTE ? something tells me that pink dip-dyed hair, a well-worn comic book library, a backpack full of ammunition make you who you are, GWEN POOLE. with the powers of MEDIUM INTERACTION, you’re sure to have a spunky, reckless personality — and you definitely belong to UNAFFILIATED. were you listening to BRUTAL by OLIVIA RODRIGO on your way to the subway? it suits you. we can’t wait to see what you do next! ( claire. 23. she/her. gmt. )

character name: gwendolyn “gwen” poole. gwenpool. age: 22 faceclaim: emma mackey voiceclaim: becca stewart skill set: medium interaction; fourth wall breaking; medium awareness; out-of-universe knowledge; prolific fanfic writer; medium/average combat affiliations: west coast avengers, solo family: ted poole (father), martha poole (mother), teddy poole (brother) (all in another universe. don’t think too hard about their names. don’t worry about the puns. it’s fine.) zodiac: gemini (june 15) wiki link: godspeed

was your character “blipped” out? if so, what did they return to and how is it affecting them? if not, who important to them was blipped out, and what has it felt like after those five years have passed? ( if your character is a dc muse:  what were they doing when they passed through the portal? 

Gwen was not yet in this world at the time of the blip! (As far as we can tell.) She’s from another universe entirely (our.... universe.....??), and only been here about three years. Sure was weird hopping into a comic-book world with half its population gone! They’ve been able to claim “Blip victim” to get settled though, so that’s a perk.

where are they living? are they living with anyone?

She’s got a loft rented on mercenary money and magicked social security cards. Roommates could be fun!

why is your character affiliated with who they’re affiliated with?

Gwen’s affiliated with nobody right now, thank you very much. She’s lone-wolfing this thing. She needs to find their niche--is she a hero? a villain? a henchman? not an extra, thank you very much!--to prove this run’s got staying power. Just kinda girlbossing their way through this thing, really. Wherever she can have the most fun and be the most wanted.

who are their major friends, allies, and foes?

Major friends: Squirrel Girl!  Deadpool, apparently! Gwen Stacy! 

Allies: The West Coast Avengers (RIP) / Young Avengers! MODOK (I don’t wanna talk about it)! Batroc the Leaper! Herself, actually!

Foes: The Bad Guys TM. The readers. Sales numbers. Idk dude Gwen’s just vibing.

whose hands do they believe the country should be in?

Lol why would they be invested in this. Whoever will let her keep bopping around. Probably not Dr. Doom??? Most of them are just extras, anyway, and she’s just a guest star doing their goddamn best to get a solo run.

what’s their current mental state at? their physical state?

Listen. Probably fine. Seems like she’s losing it. Might actually be losing it. Probably losing it. Have y’all seen that retcon that Gwenpool is and always has been a mutant, actually, and is just hallucinating our world? But there’s nothing to prove that that’s not a fourth-wall-break media manipulation trick she instituted herself? Yeah. Haven’t introduced that yet, but that’s the energy we’re working with. They also miss their family, but can’t get back to the other world--everything she was has been untethered for Parallel Universe Immigration Purposes, so we’re not sure we’ll be seeing their brother anytime soon. She just desperately doesn’t want to fade out of existence, and will do anything it takes to stay relevant. Hopefully that doesn’t involve villainy, but.... we’ll see.

#reshielded:Intro #intro #tags tbd

[thehuntress-rose]

Seven Deadly Sins Aesthetic - Rose Whitman’s Pride

“They told me all of my cages were mental, So I got wasted like all my potential”

If you’ve ever had an interaction with Rose Whitman, you’d quickly realize that she is a headstrong gal. Everyone in the Order soon realized this mere weeks after her arrival in Swynlake. And she continuously butted heads with the ‘higher ups’ this past summer with the Lake Monster debacle. Rose was even so sure of herself that she went and hunted the monster against direct orders. I personally think she was egged on by the fact that they didn’t seem to think she could do it. And she’s not one to admit when she’s in over her head or that she can’t do it all. Is this because she was raised in a highly competitive underground Magick hunting organization? Constantly being pushed to be the best or you were nothing? Probably. As the pop sensation, Olivia Rodrigo, says, “God! It’s brutal out here.” Indeed it is, Olivia. The Huntsclan molded the Huntsgirl into the weapon she is today. With her head held high, she can say she is one of the best. (Just maybe not with aquatic creatures…)

Another thing she is too proud to admit, she is just like her father. As much as she loathes the man, their vices are one in the same. She’d call it independence, skill, and power. No one could tell her she wasn’t good enough. Except for the man who raised her, the one whose traits she mirrored to her dismay. That stubborn streak and willfulness was a learned behavior. Unlearning it is just the beginning of her journey here. And let’s be real, she hasn’t really embarked on that yet. 

Her pride is this golden cage she’s built for herself. Even if she is struggling, Rose can’t admit it. To herself or anyone really. She was built up so high that she can’t bear to fail. And if she does, and she does, Rose takes it so hard. But she can’t be open about it to anyone who could ever understand in fear of letting the facade crumble. Her pride is a cage, boxing her in, but it also protects her from having to be vulnerable. 

#rose insp #bdrptask #um i love her #Aesthetic