#anyway I do NOT have it in me to come online to Internet discourse after a day of teaching

[itspileofgoodthings]

I read a thing about how teachers hit decision fatigue by the end of the day because they’re making so many decisions minute to minute and it really helped put some things into words!

#anyway I do NOT have it in me to come online to Internet discourse after a day of teaching #I am empty! #anyway pretty much every variation on ‘what’s wrong with me?’ I can answer with ‘I’m a teacher in February’ #it’s brutal out here! Olivia Rodrigo do not interact

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

why do so many people keep calling ed izzy's abuser? I thought it was kind of funny how wrong they were at first because I love being right but at this point I feel like, if you really believe that why do you even like this show? where the main love interest is a violently abusive indigenous man? that sounds boring as shit. what would possess the writers of the show for them to make such an awful decision?

but then I think, if this many people believe it does that mean I'm the one who's wrong? or is it that the creators fumbled that storyline when they should have been clearer about it? or maybe it's just that most people on here have had their reading comprehension scorched away by Sherlock Holmes conspiracy theories and Steven Universe discourse. I can't tell. sometimes I think the internet may have been a mistake.

No they're wrong here's what's going on. People all read this shitty fic called Hell or High Water where Ed was everything the Izzy stans say he was and then instead of realizing that Ed is sad everyone regressed into thinking that the Kraken Era TM was going to be incredibly violent, like serial killing blond men because they look like Stede levels of violence. Even if you didn't read HoHW you saw art or read fic from people who had engaged with this fic and succumbed to it's premise. So there's been this background radiation of misunderstanding what the Kraken is on the fandom for several months. So inevitably when Ed did some mild violence and then attempted suicide by threatening murder until the crew took matters into their own hands, which is not abuse or torture by any stretch, btw, it's a murder-suicide at worst (I say at worst because I consider it fuckery-suicide I don't think Ed was trying to kill people I think he was trying to force them into a situation where they thought it was kill or be killed so that they would choose to kill him, but that is my interpretation and you are free to think it's a botched murder-suicide I have no problem with that), which, murder is something the show has never condemned and if it did it would be horribly inconsistent. So anyway, Ed's whole Kraken Era was categorized in the show by him being sad and doing so many drugs and begging someone please god anyone to kill him and trying to break Ned Low's record out of the evil boredom, but because it had a murder-suicide element to it and Izzy's toes were getting removed and he waved a gun around at everyone once (in a way that felt to me like he was trying and failing to work up the nerve to blow his own brains out but I digress) people who liked HoHW and were mad that people had called it out were like "see hes being violent HoHW author vindicated" as if anything Ed did rose to the level of that fic

And you want to know how I know this read is bullshit? Because when I watch the show with people who don't read fic or interact with the fandom and then I gauge their reactions without showing my hand they all implicitly understand that Ed is reacting to Izzy in a way appropriate to how pirate captains react to threats from subordinates. The spectrum of reactions has been from "hey isn't it weird how Ed was the Kraken because his dad was abusive and now he's the kraken because of Izzy? Maybe there's something there but idk" to "I don't think you can apply the logic of domestic abuse to a pirate captain and first mate but also Izzy had it coming" to "I cannot feel bad for Izzy after last season, I'm sorry." To "lmao Izcel" and I've showed this show to roughly everyone I know. The only thing I can conclude from the fact that people who don't engage with OFMD fic almost unilaterally thinking that Izzy is in the wrong and then coming online to see people thinking the opposite is that Izzy as victim and Ed as abuser is pure fanon, like how Stede is a cinnamon roll who talks like Azeriphael.

But anyway yeah you're completely right about the fact that this would be a bad show if they decided to make Ed into a domestic abuser. I don't want to watch a rom com about a domestic abuser falling in love and I don't want a show that decided to make it's indigenous lead abusive when the stereotype of indigenous men as abusers is still to this day used as an excuse to separate indigenous children from their families and put them with white Christians in order to erase their culture. Good thing OFMD didn't make Ed abusive, so I still like the show.

#ofmd #our flag means death

[olderthannetfic]

I'm in a fandom with a lot of virulent antis (surprise surprise, it's heavily dark source material and I don't know why they're here at all) and a lot of the pairings that aren't the main badwrong ship on ao3 now have DNI tags on them for shippers of the badwrong ship. I guess not enough to break the TOS (no direct threats?), but still full of stuff like "x shippers DNI", "get help you freaks", "You're disgusting" etc etc.

Its just... so frustrating. Like that's a pretty red flag for me that a fic probably is going to be in an immature writing style so I probably won't read it anyway, but every time I see it I just.... heave a big sigh. Why these people are in this fandom or on Ao3 at all I'll never know. Its not even helpful - the tags are there to help describe the fic, if I didn't want to see that kind of content I could just... avoid content that's tagged that way. Why even add that to a fic that's not even about those characters at all?

Honestly, my real question is.... Olderthannetfic, how do you do it?

I feel like I do it "right", in fandom, or at least I try. I always just block and move on. I don't follow the discourse where I can help it and block a lot of the relevant tags. I keep to a small circle of folks that have the same fun brainrot I do and have fun, generally. But this kind of stuff still slips through the cracks in a way that's unavoidable if you're ever online at all. To be honest, it still hurts a lot to see each time, and be reminded that some people seem to literally want me dead over reading a story. And I can't help the doubt and the self-flagellation that creeps in. Despite my best efforts, and all my research, and living to the ripe rip van winkle tumblr fandom spinster age of 27... I sometimes have a moment where I think, maybe I really am a freak or a degenerate, or an evil predator waiting to bloom.

Do you ever experience this? Does this feeling ever go away, or at least dull to a more bearable exasperated eye roll? Do you ever see these anti idiots grow up or grow out of this mindset? Is it just a matter of time, age or experience? Is there a point at which you felt like it affected you less, or perhaps it didn't affect you like that at all? Is there a secret to navigating it calmly and with confidence? Do you have any advice to give in the, er, art of not giving a fuck?

--

Why would I quail at a stupid child on the internet after coming out as queer when I was 14 in the 90s?

I grew up with very open-minded, supportive family aside from my mother's conviction that BDSM was something people were into because they'd been abused. Even then, I remember privately snickering because I was super kinky, and wouldn't that upset her given this silly world view?

I had it easy compared to most in the 90s, but I still saw a lot of nonsense, like good old Mom on the topic of kink or murders in the media. But I also spent a lot of time reading educational sexuality books that debunked myths about fantasies and kinkiness.

Maybe a firmer grounding in sexuality stuff would help you? Nancy Friday's work on women's fantasies is a common starting point. I'm partial to The Topping Book, which is full of "it's great to be a top, actually" and not "you only do it for the sub".

Getting older does usually help though. Most 20-somethings are insecure in their sense of self. Middle age is when people's fucks generally run out, and that only continues to grow. Watch a stupid child go after some 60-something zine writer lady. She's going to laugh in their faces. Some people remain insecure forever, I suppose, but not anybody who had to woman up to be in fandom in the first place.

It's not just that these little idiots are wrong about us being predators: it's that they are the morally degenerate ones for spreading the psychological equivalent of "vaccines cause autism" or "Jews want to steal your Christian babies".

This idea that The Bad People are infiltrating our minds with their propaganda overlaps heavily with anti-semitic conspiracy theory right wing fundie nutjob ideas, and yet these young fools claim to be pro-queer and pro-civil rights. They're an embarrassment to any progressive movement and it disgusts me.

When someone goes "You're not a Christian, so you're going to hell", do you have a moment when you wonder?

Because that's the level of absurdity here.

Even if they don't bully, even if they don't include threats in their DNIs, the fact that they're spreading myths about sexuality that have been thoroughly debunked many times means they're doing something unethical, anti-intellectual, and anti-science.

I'm not afraid or guilty. I'm embarrassed for them.

--

Do antis grow out of it? Yes, frequently.

They are—either literally or functionally—victims of right wing Christian cults. They have the same trajectory of realizing they've been had and slowly trying to work through the raging guilt and religious trauma.

I have limited patience but some sympathy. Like other victims who were indoctrinated to hurt people, escaping the cult is hard. It means not only giving up your false sense of safety and all of your friends but facing what you've done.

[red-hot-kick]

I played stardew valley for 12 hours on my day off (this post has nothing to do with stardew though)

and idk about you guys but whenever i get absorbed in something to the point of not reaching for my Devices to go on the Internet (mainly twitter if im being honest) its always so disorienting to go back to my app of choice and just see everyone Complaining. i also realize that i am complaining in this very post but hear me out. the whiplash of it all was unreal. it also isnt the first time ive experienced this feeling

it really gives me perspective (especially after i draw for a day straight, go out with friends, binge a show, or do anything worthwhile and enjoyable) when i finally come online to see art and shitposts only to find that everyone is just fucking miserable about everything all the time, even about the things they enjoy. it makes me wonder about what im gaining and—more importantly—what im losing by spending so much time (up to 3 hours a day sometimes!) on elon’s hellhole. and tumblr is skating on thin ice too with the recent events re: the CEO and AI and the lackluster everything about this site

in a way i regret not having tried to join fandom earlier, mainly because i feel like i missed the golden era of it, but also because being in fandom seems extremely un-fun these days as a direct result of how social media operates. but maybe im better off for it. maybe im better off for not having my enjoyment of something tied to looking up latest episode reactions, meme-y fanart, reading theories or fic to be able to “enjoy myself” when engaging with the things i like. i don’t have to sift through people moaning and groaning and discoursing about every little thing when we got Real World Problems to worry about. ive hit a point where i could probably just go back to being completely offline, because who else but me is going to make the things that i want to see anyway?

all this to say that if i ask you for some alternate contact in the near future, you’ll know its because SNS is fucking radioactive and im not trying to become the hulk

#if i make a webpage and just post all my shit to ko-fi then you'll know why #pita.txt

[idsb]

Not to bring up the variants discourse again but I just got an email from Conan Gray showing a full 9 different vinyl variants for his upcoming album. Only two of them have different covers, the rest are just different colors and exclusive for different retailers. As far as I can tell, there is nothing else that comes with the variants and no extra tracks on them. Personally, I prefer how Taylor did it with tortured poets because I feel like it is actually worth it to get the different covers when they come with stuff like the collectors editions and you get the different bonus tracks. Like it doesn’t feel as much like you’re just buying the same thing four different times, you know what I mean?

If we’re in a market where everyone is doing variants anyways, it just feels like the way Taylor does them is more for the fan, if you know what I mean? Idk if I’m explaining this well but like if the capitalist hellscape has made music like this anyways then it’s feeling like she’s the one still putting care into the fan experience side of it

this is my exact point every time I talk about this!!!! I can't believe people act like it's new when she does it. i don't know why people can't just be normal about it, either - like, when folklore was announced, I picked the cover that I thought was the prettiest and I ordered that one, and that was it! I assume it's the same when artists come out with multiple color variants with no other difference.

I agree that the different bonus tracks are supposed to be just giving us more - and it's actually sad, because if Taylor wasn't The Biggest Thing On This Planet / we weren't in the age of the internet etc, the different tracks per album would be cool bonuses, not something you EXPECT. I have heaps of CD's from when I was younger that are special editions and have hidden tracks on them (for those who are younger, a "hidden track" is when the last track on a tape or CD has 5+ minutes of silence after, and then a new song plays but it's attached to the audio file of the final song. so the CD player doesn't know about it and you can't skip to it). I saw it as an exciting surprise, rather than more content that was part of the album and I DESERVED to be able to gobble up. I think coming from that era just like me, Taylor sees it the same way I do; an exciting thing for us and ways to give us bonuses. (with capitalist benefits, obviously, but I truly don't believe that's the main MO)

I also think a lack of media literacy ties into it: people seem to not be realizing that you don't have to BUY every CD in order to listen to all the songs? like that shit will be online and downloadable within 3 hours of physicals being in stores. I see it predominantly in Facebook groups, but it blows my mind that it seems like so many people don't grasp that.

[justagalwhowrites]

Hi! I don’t expect you to share this necessarily, just wanted an opportunity to tell you something anonymously. A few weeks ago I started seeing all of the criticism around how fan fic writers choose to support one another and what’s acceptable when it comes to similar stories. I couldn’t have imagined it had to do with the two Raider Joel fics. I had been reading both and to me they were night and day, but I guess I don’t have all the details. Anyway, I know that led to a lot of discourse and honestly maybe pressure for writers to support other writers in certain prescribed ways. I saw your post about wanting to do better in that area. I guess I just wanted you to know that… it isn’t that serious? I love seeing your reblogs but I hope you never feel pressured or threatened by the mighty fist that is the internet. Again I don’t have all the details but it breaks my heart that jrrmint felt they needed to delete their blog. IMO you are one of the most sincere writers I follow and I really hope you know how much your readers respect your work and effort, even *if* it were ever to be similar to someone else’s.

Hi Bestie!

Thank you for reaching out! I wanted to respond because I wanted to make sure if others are feeling or thinking this way, it answers things for them too :) (also, sorry, this ended up being long so I put it below the cut! No actual spoilers or anything!)

I don't know a ton of what happened there and how it all shook out, so I don't want to say anything about that side of it. I mostly just saw the discourse that resulted. That being said, I love Toxic's fics (and I LOVE her Raider!Joel to an unhealthy degree honestly) and I only had a chance to read one of JJ's fics (4th of July) but it was one of the highlights of my week when it was coming out. I had been looking forward to checking out her take on Raider!Joel when I had the chance because I loved her DBF!Joel so much! It seems like a sad and hurtful situation all around and I hope everyone is doing well as things settle.

When I wrote that post the other day, it wasn't because I felt pressure to do so. It was mostly because I still feel like I'm figuring out a lot of this fan fic author life? I was thinking about it and I realized that, a year ago right now, I'd read a grand total of one fan fic in my entire life. I tried getting into fic in my younger years (like almost 20 years ago now) when I was obsessed with HP and Star Wars. But the fics I was finding weren't doing it for me. I never finished one and, eventually, gave up on starting them altogether. As hungry as I was for more content with these characters, I just accepted that fics weren't for me and that was OK. Then I saw someone online talking about Manacled - the HP fic - so I decided to give it a shot and I loved it. But I stopped there, thinking this was a rarity and that I'd just be disappointed if I sought out other content. I didn't start actively reading and seeking out fics until the corner of TikTok I'm on started talking about Mando fics so I decided to read one that sounded like it was interesting (it's Stitches if you've never read it, it's incredible!) That made me see what could be done with fic, how you can explore broader themes through fic and I loved the reader insert aspect of it. So I started writing my own fics after that! But that was in March of this year. I've only really be doing this about 7 months! I feel very lucky that so many people wanted to read these stories but it caught me off guard in a way. I originally hadn't intended to put my fic out there at all. My one IRL fan fic friend talked me into sharing on AO3 when I was like 50k words into Beskar Doll. Then I got a Tumblr to better talk to people reading there and then I started sharing here, too, and started Lavender not really expecting any more than a handful of people to read any of it. A lot more than a handful of you read it, as it happens! But I feel like a bit of an interloper in this space, like I showed up here and magically got an audience I haven't really earned. I want to make sure I'm participating in this community in a way that builds people up and serves people, not just myself. Everyone here has been so kind and welcoming to me, I want to make sure I'm putting that back out there, too. I'm just still learning the best way to do that, so I appreciate everyone being patient with me as I find my way!

If my work IS similar to someone else's, I hope y'all would let me know! I think it's very easy to read something, love it, have that thought stick in some way and then forget that it wasn't your idea to begin with when it works its way into your writing (I definitely wouldn't knowingly copy someone else's work!!) If I did that, I'd want to make sure I credited the person who came up with the idea and make sure they were comfortable with that at the very least, rewrite or remove it otherwise.

All that being said, I'm so very thankful for everyone who is here with me on this little corner of the internet. I love that you're all so supportive, so kind, so thoughtful and I am honored that you choose to read what I write.

So thank you for reaching out and for your kind words and for checking in! It's very much appreciated <3

Love you!!

#fanfic #kit answers #send asks

[onewomancitadel]

I was thinking (as you do) about the radical disparity between 'what the text is saying' and the way people in fandom interpret something. I've seen some people put forward fallacies such as the majority position is probably correct anyway (not true for 'finished' canon, certainly) or softer approaches which are sort of like, well ultimately a text is transformed in interpretation, and whatever fandom is thinking is more relevant. The first part of that assertion is not something I disagree with at all (transformation of text at the point of interpretation) but the conclusions drawn there tend to be pretty absurd, because delineating that point of transformation... is the point.

But it's also sort of distressing from the perspective of like, how is your artistic idea supposed to be heard? Do you even have a right to be offended? If you're in fandom surrounded by people who believe one thing, what defense do you have for believing another? I think it is grossly ignorant to not respect the fact that no matter how justified your position is, if the majority believe a completely different thing from you (that even makes you feel a bit crazy), it can be pretty disillusioning. For me personally, I avoid many fandoms for this very reason. I think that a lot of people who find fandom unpleasant in general (who are interested in text/literature/media) probably find it unpleasant for these reasons as well because fandom ends up so inoculated in its own opinions and echo chambers where mainstream opinion rules which is sometimes honestly - well - very silly. Even in fandoms of media which ostensibly requires a closer reading, there is the presence of orthodox and unorthodox opinion sometimes and often entirely counter to the text. Maybe you might say this is just a product of anything bordering on institution, which fandom online does emulate to a degree, as opposed to community, and maybe you might go even further to say that there is a real purpose to orthodox and by virtue unorthodox opinions. I do kind of believe that, and if I didn't I probably wouldn't be posting.

The position that art is reflective if not revealing is arguably the more tenable one. This is why I find the idea that art/media/literature ought to be morally responsible and convey the correct ideas we want individuals to cultivate in society overly naïve, mostly because I don't think that's how people interact with art at all. But that it may reflect or reveal already present attitudes at the point of interpretation, irrespective of the intent of the original text, basically explains where such a gulf emerges. When it comes to interactivity with community like fandom proper or other platforms of discourse, when you're talking about the thing, you're also evolving or interrogating your own position about the text as well as what you're bringing to the table. I don't really want to bring in another topic whilst I'm in the middle of another one, but that is where I think so-called 'problematic' media really flourishes and justifies itself. That being said, my focus here is not on the politics of fandom, but the hegemony of fandom belief. Now, certainly you can say modern Internet platforms contribute to it, and I've written about that before: people repeat and regurgitate whatever opinion currently passes as the most coolest, and that happens more swiftly online. I've interacted with people who haven't even seen the relevant volumes of R/WBY I'm discussing putting forth a thesis about the show being bad or having done something else, obviously because of what someone else has already told them. Pretty dangerous if you ask me. Maybe just don't speak on stuff you don't have material understanding of?

At a certain point, you do start wondering if everybody believes Opinion A, maybe Opinion A is true after all. The reason why I don't think this is true is because many different people are interacting with the story for many different reasons, and really the more interesting idea (and the one I tend to return to) is, well, what can you identify as motivating factors for Opinion A when it seems countertextual? Then you start psychoanalysing people you really have no business psychonanalysing. The real thesis of this post is just to return to that idea of a reflective text. It's out of your control (and it's especially out of the storyteller's control) but the intention should never be to make sure everybody leaves with the right message. If it's reflecting or revealing it's already doing something right, I think. This is where things like fanservice, storytelling as an amusement park ride, etc. really falter because it does presume a concrete conclusion about 'what people want to see' and what they ought to take away from it, even if it's a rather banal conclusion. Particularly because it doesn't feel like fanservice to me. It's not enjoyable to me. The idea that there is a fan who can be made happy with little teasing scraps and nods - in the case of R/WBY - embarrassed lampshading and 'self-awareness' is so profoundly stupid.

But when you get disillusioned it can sometimes be helpful to remember that at that point of reflection/reveal, it has a lot less to do with the text than it does with the baggage people approach a story with. Now, that in itself can perhaps be disillusioning (though sometimes you do have to appreciate that people engaging with the unreal are not viewing it through the lense of reality, meaning their conclusions might be far-off from real opinions; everybody's a utilitarian until they're actually in a scenario testing their moral ethics - that's the intended farce of the trolley problem) but on the other hand, I think for someone trying to figure out what a story is doing, it's not a good reason to discard other peoples' opinions - I'd not suggest that - but it is, however, a good reason to not fall prey to majority belief.

Some stories are even interesting priming the audience for one thing to treat them with another, and sometimes, yeah, that point of departure is intended. So I don't think I would ever suggest that everybody by necessity is required to be on the right page (even if rewarding that is joyful), and I don't think a point of departure is a failure. That is a previous topic I have also written about where personal insult is taken away from the classic plot twist or the entire point of narrative change, which is not in itself a modern phenomenon at all, but maybe worsened, again, by online discourse.

I definitely don't intend this post to come across as patting myself on the back: I think I'm in a pretty fraught position as it is (when it comes to textual assertions with R/WBY), and really all I'm trying to do here is sort out my frustration with assertions put forth in other fandoms I've lurked in that 'the majority rules' - and there's some implication of this in the R/WBY fandom too. I think about these things because I'm very classically someone who thrives off of fandom as a hobby. When fandom is predicated upon something like community, and you want that interactivity with a text, how are you supposed to cultivate that if it's almost by design explicitly hostile to that? Even the debate guys of the R/WBY fandom all hold pretty interchangeable and indistinguishable opinions coming from fundamentally similar angles, so it's not like their culture of constant challenge and 'criticism' actually stokes anything textually meaningful, and they tend to love their orthodoxy just as much. But then it's not like hugboxes are particularly nice either. So in a way, I think the idea of 'fandom' is untenable in some sense: really you are trying to find interesting people who have interesting things to say, who will hear you out, and that tends to happen at a personal level. A lot of popular posts go around saying 'my fandom is me and my five friends'.

And yes, I was thinking about this idea because of those posts I wrote recently about the complete failure of understanding Cinder in the fandom/fanon reception of her, and whether anything I say in response to that is worth something substantially, or if that actually says something about her canon character I ought to consider. I think that, like I have gestured to with the popularity of the 'feral woman' archetype on Tumblr, or 'femme fatale' in other circles which goes back a long way in pop culture, it is truly a matter of reflection. Maybe there is something to learn there and maybe there isn't. But overall I do think this approach is much more stable when it comes to understanding why fandom tends to believe the things it does (and no, the silly shippers are not the only ones responsible: I would put the fault of this as squarely at the feet of the dispassionate nonshipper who argues about powerlevels of characters like it's a video game).

#stirring the pot

[toxicnorn]

i didn't really do this for the sake of nostalgia but i was looking through some past blogs and internet IDs of mine

i'm a very different person from who i was when i originally joined tumblr. i approach writing in a very different way. my opinions on a lot of things have changed a lot. i really cannot give two shits about most discourse nowadays that i used to have opinions on.

when it comes to creative work, i had a lot more energy and confidence, but this was a double-edged sword because for a long period of time, i was single-handedly focused on rp as a distraction from some real heavy shit irl and my fandom stuff wasn't necessarily healthy for me. this is something i've struggled with on and off over the years because i tend to latch really hard to fiction and characters when things are bad. i wrote some really good sentences though and some good characters. i keep trying to recreate the same feelings by recycling characters, but they're different each time because nostalgia's a false thing and you can't just make the same thing twice but different and expect it to be the same.

my latest attempts at fic and rp are trying to come from a different source, which i think is healthier in the long run.

i was like super depressed from 2014-2018 and then the election pummeled me into a different funk for two years, which was better in some ways but worse in others. around 2019, i was finally able to move out of my parents' house for some time. it wasn't very far but it did help me clear my head a bit.

then 2020 happened. i moved back in with my parents for a few months and it was kind of awful, but then i moved back and things were actually better on my end for a bit, but i was still very weird and squirrelish.

2021 happened somewhere along those lines and i don't remember most of 2021 because it was a hell year of going to doctor's appointments until the very end of it. i moved across the country in 2022 to be with my gf (hey bb love you very much if you are reading this) and for the first time maybe ever, i feel like i'm in a pretty good place. i know that there is a still a lot of work ahead of me to figure out How to Be A Person 101 and get over my hangups but i'm really happy.

anyway, when your creative output has been based entirely on distracting yourself from blue moods up until now, it's a bit wild trying to readjust your brain to go "hey, actually, it's okay to like things just to like them, you can fuel yourself with other emotions, having characters that live in your head is not cringe or something." i'm having fun though, even if i can't manage the output that i'd like to.

this isn't me gloomyposting btw. i think if anything, it's the opposite because things are pretty okay. i might have issues that creatively frustrate me and i might have flaws i'm trying to work on and of course learning How To Social is always an ongoing effort and we aren't even getting into the ongoing saga of Getting My Bran To Work On Medication (on one hand, it's been great because i have the least amount of anxiety than i have ever had in my life; on the other hand, my brain feels like it's two feet out of reach more days than i'd like it to and i'm really frustrated by the fact that i cannot make the connections between thoughts and actions, like my brain just stutters before comprehending that ii should do very basic actions), but all in all, things are great and i'm excited for the future.

there are a lot of people i've lost track of that vanished off tumblr after 2018. i realized a small handful of people were assholes. some of the people i used to know seem to have fallen off the fact of the internet entirely and i doubt i'll ever learn what happened to them. at least one of my very early internet friends died, klim. i don't really know what happened to most of the people i knew in those days when i was on gaia online but i hope that they're doing well. i was a very different person when i was on that site but i was also 16, so of course i was.

anyway, i talk different now. i communicate differently. my internet voice has changed. i used to use random caps for everything. i don't capitalize shit anymore and you can't make me.

i don't really want to get back into the mindsets of me of years prior, but i do want to be able to tap into that well of creative potential because it seemed like i had so much energy for writing, for talking about writing, for sharing and brainstorming and thinking. i know that i am a person capable of writing a novella in the same of a few weeks so i want to regain that.

but i want to have more fun with it this time. i want it to belong to me and not belong to various plagues and maladies. i think deep down, there is a part of me that misses being nine and thinking i had invented fanfiction and talking about my zelda fic with all my friends without a hint of self-consciousness, but, like, with less 1999 going on because the 90s normalized a lot of shit that's not great.

anyway i don't really know where i'm going with this, so i am going to rotate characters in my mind before i go to bed

[searchingforthedreamscape]

Beast Wars: Season 2, Ep. 10: Transmutate

(SPOILERS: This post contains spoilers for “Transmutate”. If you haven’t seen this episode, I encourage you to watch it. It’s a very good, if not sad, episode.)

I was gonna make an entire paragraph, waxing poetic about this show and the wonders of childhood, but I’m in a bad mood, so y’all’re gonna have to settle for some old-fashioned nerd rage.

As a member of the Transformers fandom, there’s never really been a time where I’ve gotten upset with them. They’re usually a good bunch of grapes in the vineyard of awfulness called life. However, there’s something that’s come up fairly recently. Something that seems to sour my overall mood whenever I come across it. That, my dear Sparklings, is discourse. I’m not talking about ship wars (Lord knows that’s an insurmountable beast to conquer.). I’m talking about a particular episode of Beast Wars. If you’ve read the title of this post, then you know where this is about to go.

Beast Wars season 2, episode 10: “Transmutate” is an episode that involves the Maximals and Predicons getting their hands on the newest stasis pod that had been revealed in an earthquake. Silverbolt, Optimus, Inferno, and Rampage approach at the same time. As it turns out, the stasis pod’s data is corrupted, which then gives rise to a being that looks similar to a prototype of a robot. Rampage takes this being and assesses it, giving it the label of “transmutant”. The being then gives itself a name: “Transmutate”.

During the entirety of the episode, we learn that Transmutate has this powerful, sonic weapon at their disposal. Rhinox suggests that the Maximals put Transmutate into stasis until they can get back to Cybertron. However, as the protoform roams the halls of the Axilon, they get a signal from Rampage that beckons them to leave the ship. Not knowing any better, Transmutate flies through the ship’s hull, setting off the alarms. So, Silverbolt and Optimus give chase.

Silverbolt catches up with Transmutate and tries to fight Rampage. The two warring bots fall from a cliff, heavily damaged from battle. They fire missiles at one another. In that moment, Transmutate leaps down, summoning a forcefeild. However, it isn’t strong enough. Transmutate dies from severe damage, but not before acknowledging their friends.

So, I bet you’re all wondering how this episode is considered ableist by some fans. And honestly? I’m wondering that too. The posts I’ve read on this hellsite claim that Transmutate is disabled coded, but I don’t see it. If anything, Transmutate is child coded. They don’t speak much and if they do, it’s usually one to three words. They don’t understand the consequences of their actions because they lack the critical thinking skills required. They’re super trusting and they have issues with emotional regulation. Which, to me, means that they’re a baby.

After watching the episode on YouTube --as you do--, I took a look at the comments to see what the consensus is, and sure the fuck enough, someone was trying to pull the “what would they think?” card. And this is why I’m a little testy tonight. See, I’m of the belief that questions like this belittle folks like me. What did I think of a child character dying a violent, horrible death on screen? I didn’t think because I was too busy crying my eyes out in pure sadness. (I mean my god. Poor Transmutate.) The fact that someone would even dare to assume that it negatively effects how disabled people see themselves is astonishing. How dare they assume that disabled people would be affected by something some Joe Schmoe on the internet read too much into. It’s way too frustrating. I mean, as someone who was actually born with Muscular Dystrophy, I have enough people trying to speak for me. I don’t need some stranger pulling that shit online.

Anyways, I hope you lovelies enjoyed this post! And please, for the love of all that is holy, watch that episode!

TL:DR: After reading a post on Tumblr about how ableist this episode is, I watched it and....It’s not ableist. I got big mad and made this monstrosity of a post.

#Beast Wars #Spoilers #Transmutate #Transformers #The Searcher's Diary #Rant

[rissynicole]

14 and 23 :)

Hey, Faith! It’s been a little while. Hope everything is going well!

14) Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

In essence, I think the release of Enter the Florpus poisoned the fandom.

Let me explain my reasoning behind this: people who only joined the IZ fandom after ETF may have immediately assumed the fandom was always toxic and full of arguments and discourse. After all, that’s the case with many fandom communities online. However, it was simply not true for IZ. I certainly didn’t see discourse on that scale, anyway. I credit the release of ETF for making the landscape of the fandom a very different place because it introduced TONS of new people to IZ. That’s awesome, and I’m always glad to have new people to talk to. Definitely don’t want to come across like I’m gatekeeping a fandom. What I’m saying is that the huge influx of people brought with it a lot of toxicity and turned what was once a very relaxed, chill fandom into a fandom wracked with conflict and discourse.

The toxicity didn’t exist (or was incredibly minimal) prior to August of 2019. Then, with the release of the movie, a huge surge of people came. The new people brought with them petty squabbles and disturbing ways of harassing others. A few of my friends who were longtime fans left the fandom out of fear, which still breaks my heart and leaves me more than a little resentful even years later. Some of these people had been actively making art and fic for the show for over a decade prior to ETF. Many of them weren’t even doing anything deemed “problematic”; they were just worried they’d be harmed somehow in all the collateral damage. Seeing them disappear off the internet out of straight fear was awful.

The rise of toxicity is the reason why I block liberally and vet people when I meet them, which is something I didn’t worry so much about before.

Not to sound like a snob or an old-timer, but I sure wish folks could see what the fandom looked like before ETF.

(All of that said, I’m not generalizing. Both bad and good people joined the fandom following ETF. I’m still close with many of those people today. Without ETF, I never would have met some of my best friends.)

23) Unpopular character you love.

This is a tough question because I feel like I usually have the opposite problem. Everyone will fall in love with a certain character, and I’m stumped by it because I have no strong feelings on the character one way or another.

I guess one character that I think gets slept on in this fandom, however, is Larb. I’ll never understand how Tenn could show up once in canon as a one-off character and get fics written about her, fanart drawn of her, and headcanons thought up about her. Larb, however, appears multiple times in canon and is shown to be the bootlicker poster child for the Irken Empire and nobody in the fandom wants to do anything with that.

#unpopular opinions #invader zim #rissy’s asks

[salted-caramel-tea]

Ah yes white girl thinks it’s okay to just ignore discourse when Asian women have to live with this fetishisation every day of their lives how progressive and accepting of Asian struggles

im not ignoring asian struggles im not defending ahegao. why do you think I hate the hoodie so much in the first place I literally said it filed me with rage and I didn't like the fact that George was wearing it

the reblog was a joke about the people who were defending the hoodie or acting like it wasn't a problem I said we should all fucking hate it anyway bc its an ugly ass hoodie as a way to try and lighten the mood a bit . that didn't come across well so sorry for that

youre mad that I said I didn't want to get into discourse today, that was decided after my last round of tiktok posting bc im tired and I don't want to engage in a lot more online discourse today bc I already had like three rounds of tiktok discourse this morning and its draining, its not to do with the topic of the discourse im not trying to ignore issues that face any one community I just don't have the energy for negativity rn and I know that leads the way to the comments about how asian women cant just choose to ignore these issues and I know that and I am full aware of how the internet fetishises everything these women do simply down to their existence n im sorry that it came across that I didnt care about this issue

[agendratum]

i’m not sure what’s the point of me making this post, but i feel that if i don’t make it i will explode. lately i’ve been reading even more posts discussing the issue of restricting adult content in order to protect kids from accessing something they shouldn’t access. and even tho to my dash they usually get already filled with opinions and points from people with whom i agree, and they all explain their view of this issue in a wonderfully worded way, i still end up seething with rage, probably from the fact that this discourse even exist and cause there are people who still don’t get it, even after so many lengthy posts were written to explain why labeling stuff correctly and letting minors know this stuff right here isn’t for them is good, but censorship really isn’t. anyway i might even regret making this post later, but currently i’m literally seething so here it is.

here’s a picture of some books i own with their wonderfully colorful covers.

you might recognize some of these books.

top row, from left to right: leah on the offbeat by becky albertalli, wilder girls by rory power, the upside of unrequited by becky albertalli, we are okay by nina lacour, darius the great is not okay by adib khorram

bottom row, from left to right: love, creekwood by becky albertalli, i was born for this by alice oseman, simon vs the homosapien agenda by becky albertalli, aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe by benjamin alire sáenz and one book that is actually from russia, the days of our lives by mikita franco

you might also notice that all of these books are labeled as “18+”. you might wonder, why that? none of them contain anything explicit! (haven’t read darius and the days yet, but i have a funny feeling they also don’t contain anything too “scandalous”) they are all beloved ya novels that tell stories of teenagers or high school graduates going through their life journeys, emotional journeys, self-discovery, coming outs, coming-of-age. even the body horror in wilder girls has nothing on the shit that happens in warrior cats books that i read when i was 10 (and those are not labeled as inappropriate for kids btw). so why would they be labeled as 18+?

well i’ll tell you. they all in one way or another touch upon the topic of lgbt+. they all have characters, main or secondary, that are gay, trans, etc. these characters being queer isn’t even always the main point, i mean yeah, simon is about a journey of a closeted gay teenager, but in wilder girls they’re just trying to survive on an island with a deadly virus. yet they dare to be gay while doing so. 

well, you might ask, what about it? there is nothing 18+ about being gay

labeling these ya books as 18+ might be the only way for this publisher to sell them in every bookstore around the country with no issues. (there are of course other publishers that work with lgbt themed books, but all the books in this picture happen to be from popcorn books, an incredible russian publishing house, that’s doing god’s work this all the books they sell). all thanks go to the law against “propaganda of non-traditional sexual relations among minors“ that was passed in 2013. and while you might think that none of these book actively participate in so called propaganda, it’s just always better to be safe than sorry. (this is also probably the part of the post where i should specify, this is how i see the situation and this wasn’t outright stated by the publishing house itself, but in no point of time since the law was passed in 2013, would it be a smart move to announce proudly: “we’re labeling these books as 18+ even tho they’re not 18+ at all, because we don’t want to break a stupid law that makes no sense and is ruining people’s lives”)

the first book from this picture that i bought was simon, it was also one of the first books published by them. i was in my twenties already, definitely not a teenager. i also already read simon a couple of years before that happened, in english, on my phone. i was the happiest when i held it in my hands, when i took a subway train where i carefully peeled off the protective layer of plastic film, not meant to protect the book, but meant to protect the minors from taking a peek at the 18+ books, as all of them are covered in film when sold in bookstores. i cried at some random mention of simon being gay on one of the first pages, as i never expected to read that in russian translation.

thankfully, when you go to a bookstore, as well as a library, and buy books, no one asks for your passport. it doesn’t matter what you buy. and after all, you don’t even need to go to a bookstore, you can just order the books online. you can order directly from the publishing house too, no one will ask how old you are, and no one will stop you from taking the film off the book once you own it.

but you can lock the books away. create a separate section for adult content. make cashiers in bookstores always ask for your passport when you buy books like that. make them not sell books like that to you if you’re under 18. these? these will also end up being locked away. the kids that just want to read about other kids like them will have to find loopholes to maybe somehow get them on the internet or ask somebody else to buy them, if they even have anyone to ask. or they might not even find out that books like these exist. but at least they’ll be safe, right?

you might say, “well, there is no such stupid law in MY country, it wouldn’t happen here”. all while there probably was such stupid law in your country like 10-15 years ago, and you just conveniently forgot, because you live in a bubble. and besides, if bookstores and libraries and websites will start locking books and other things away based on them being inappropriate for kids, who will be in charge of deciding what’s inappropriate? do you trust the judgment of your government? is its judgment of what’s right and what’s wrong perfect? maybe corporations’ judgement is? or maybe yours? what if the people in charge will decide that something that you deem appropriate actually isn’t and lock it away? at what point protecting the children turns into censorship in your eyes? and at what point the realization will come that there are no safe dosages of censorship that are okay, if it’s to create a safe space, if it’s for the “greater good”. there is no line you can cross, if the line just doesn’t exist.

#lgbt+ #idk how to tag this and idk if i want to tag this #discourse #russia #actually this post is about me buying too many books

[1ddotdhq]

💿Sun 13 Dec ‘20💙

Happy Birthday, Fine Line! Have a Louis show! (Seriously, why can’t I get cool shows for my birthday like that??). So today’s been a busy week, huh? 

It is, of course, Fine Line’s anniversary, and the celebration kicked off last night, with a twitter emoji (it's Harrrry! Doing the FL pose so so tiny!) and the DYKWYA website changing. It’s pink and black and blue and white, and now tells us that we’re “loyal” and “marvelous” and “memorable” and “powerful” and “rare” and “real” and “staying six feet apart” (or 70 other lovely options). So either HSHQ got their thesaurus out, or they tuned into Louis’ show last night, because that’s EXACTLY how I would describe it. Anyways, the day started with a Harry sighting! Well, a video from last week that is, of him doing a MakeaWish FaceTime in a blue snapback. And then there was a Harry Lambert interview, where he directly addressed the discourse around Harry’s fashion choices, saying, “Harry will never wear something that he doesn’t want to wear...I always say, 'I‘m not doing my job if I’m making someone wear things' because I just think if someone gets comfortable in what they’re wearing, then it doesn’t matter if I think it looks good.” He went on to say, “There’s never an element of me forcing him to wear anything”. So - TAKE THAT, transphobes! We all recognize that saying “the mean gay man is making Harry look gay/genderqueer” is, uh, a REALLY bad take, right? Anyways, hopefully that’s the end of it, but we all know it won’t be. He also told us that Harry chose the (fake) pearls, asking “can I just wear these every day?” and they were only replaced with real ones after that strand broke, that he tried to get H out of the Vans for the Golden vid but he said nah, and about the Golden and WS videos “I kind of saw it as the same man just in a different place in the world” which, well- yeah? But the implication that that man was not Harry is interesting. Aside from that, we got some more terrible merch from HSHQ (including a shirt that is a glove with legs stuck on it, wtf), a few celebratory tweets from HSHQ, The Forum, Jeff Azoff (there's a theme here lol) etc, AND! A post from Harry himself: “I couldn’t be more grateful for you all continually finding new ways to change my life. Thank you for listening, and for everything else. I love you always, but especially today. H”. What? That’s his name, isn’t it? 

But, of course, H wasn’t the only one celebrating online today! Louis came back and answered some of our questions about the show. The first is that he sold over - are you ready for this? - OVER 160,000 tickets for the show, making it the biggest online show of 2020 by a solo male artist, and the third largest overall of the year. Even the Sun had to admit how “exceptional” that is, describing the show as "the equivalent of eight nights at London’s O2 Arena." Doing the math, this means he raised over $3.1 million from ticket sales alone! HOLY SHIT! Hearing that, Louis came on twitter to say (in reply to a quote by his PR company lmao), “This is truly incredible. No major label, no radio, yet here we are. The feeling of support I get from you all every time I do something is unbelievable. Forever Thankful! And they never see us coming!”. Of course, this incited another round of label discourse, wondering if this means he is still an unsigned artist. Does this simply mean the livestream wasn't put on by a label, yes, does Louis absolutely know about the discourse and is he being deliberate, I would also say unmistakeably yes. Which is not to say we know ELSE it might mean -- is he signed to an indie? Still label shopping and waving how much more they need him than vice versa in the hopefuls' faces? Signed but the contract doesn't start until there's a record in play (which when you negotiate your own contract and establish artistic freedom, as we can be very sure was Louis' priority, is what labels DO - they don’t manage every aspect of an artists career)? Signed by a major label, but shading the FUCK out of Syco about radio play for Walls? What we DO know is that it wasn't a label that put the livestream on, and damn if that doesn’t make it 1000% more badass. “Memorable”, “powerful”, and “rare” indeed! He’s still early in the process of LT2, as he told us yesterday, so we might have to wait a little longer to figure out what’s happening business-wise, but he made sure to tell everyone that his fans were an integral part of his processing the most inspiring way possible: “the power and the magic comes from the people you guys,” I COULD CRY that's MY inspirational leader THANK YOU. He goes on to say “don't undermine your role in all this... together with your support we're unstoppable!” He also called us “fucking relentless” (god knows that's true) as Walls hit the charts AGAIN, and talked about how the money raised will go a long way. “WE did that!!”

And with that, let’s talk a little bit more about last night’s (“bold”, “extraordinary”) show! ‘‘Copy’ is making its rounds on the internet, but YouTube continues to take down recordings of the show, which SUCKS, because everyone should be able to see it! Maybe in a few days when some time has passed, they’ll let it go up without an issue, or maybe they'll answer our pleas (come through one more time Louis!) and put out a DVD (and live album too how about, YES? Yes.), til then there are the downloads going around tumblr! Good thing we got Louis' seal of approval or just imagine the discourse. The ‘H’ shirt Louis was wearing last night is a Reebok shirt, which was being distributed in a few different places, such one where you could get a discount if you used the code ‘HL40’ and another where it was $28, lol. Was it the loudest Louis shirt ever- I mean I would say an unqualified NO but many are voting YES and are reeling so that's really fun! Welcome to the gang guys. Not likely to win any awards for being loud with such incredible competition but still very good SBBing-- Louis was wearing a stuffed bear t shirt in rehearsal pics. When you know you know, I guess! ;) The band is also soaking in the praises (as they should!) and have been re-posting fans’ stories on Instagram all day (as did LTHQ) - cheers, boys! 

Today’s Liam and Roman alarm was ALL us (well, not allll us, Roman did explain that the alarms would feature fans every Sunday, but then he handed the mic over). “Waking up to Liam and Roman is the best thing EVER! I don’t know why it gives me so much serotonin,” said one fan. I do! It’s because Liam is a real, live puppy dog and he’s so genuinely sweet to his fans. Love him lots, but I love him even MORE when he’s ON the advent alarm!

#harry styles #louis tomlinson #liam payne #wow what a day! #anyways I love these guys lots and lots and it was a gorgeous show! #and also fine line is a gorgeous album ive been streaming it today #anyways! #song of the day! #Wake Up by Julie and the Phantoms cast #let me tell you a secret: my fourth most listened to genre on my spotify wrapped #was showtunes #so what does that say about me??

[bondsmagii]

The whole tag discourse reminds me of when I was a kid and fanfic was just beginning too be A Thing. At the time I was really into Doctor Who and very new to the internet. I was like, 12 or something. The good old time of fanfic dot net where I would be reading my lil doctor who fanfic and BAM some hardcore BDSM shit would come up. I was genuinely more confused than traumatised. But like, I simply clicked out. Slowly I kinda figured out what tags meant or how to avoid the stuff I wasn't fond of. While that particular experience was really jarring, it taught me important skills on navigating the internet and fiction in general. It also kinda taught me that if there is a door marked PIT TO HELL, you should kinda know what you are going to get if you open it.

I don't think people should need to get bad experiences to learn things, but like... I low-key wish people understood it's not all or nothing. Let kids make mistakes and learn. The internet isn't a safe place, it will never be, and it's better for people to be literate in navigating it than trying to go on the herculean task of making it all a safe bubble.

exactly this. when I first started getting online, fucked up shit was everywhere. you have to look for that shit specifically now, but when I was a teenager it. was. everywhere. a common "prank" was to just send people gore images or to gore websites where there would be absolutely astoundingly horrific things there. I used to be legitimately traumatised by gore and I had a phobia of burns so terrible that seeing graphic images of burns would send me into a complete, legit panic attack. during my daily browsing, I would see gore so often than I got fed up of constantly hyperventilating and I sat myself down and went through every single page of a gore website until I had desensitised myself enough that it no longer triggered such a reaction in me. it's fucked up that I had to do that, but I wanted to continue browsing and I wanted to do it in peace. it was up to me to work something out, and in actual fact my interest in gore has been beneficial to me in more ways than one.

this is an extreme example, but when I think about the shit I had to weather and I had to adapt to on the internet, I cannot believe people are kicking off because they see a tag, read it anyway, and upset themselves. or they see a fic that isn't tagged, take the risk, see something they don't like, and go after the author as though it's their fault. the internet will never be a safe space, and avoiding any and all mentions of things that upset you is going to be bad long-term. even with literal triggers, desensitisation and exposure is a huge part of recovery. you're supposed to learn to weather through them. you're not supposed to ban any mere mention of the topic and avoid it forever. that is not healthy.

what I don't understand is how people can be so upset by fic. I get the sudden rush of "oh god, this is going somewhere I don't like" and clicking out, having a few moments where you half to calm down, etc. but what I don't get is how these people are somehow so upset by this fic that they're panicking and hyperventilating... yet they've somehow read the entire thing. like, surely when you're reading something, you have enough time to see where it's going and leave? and if it's sudden, you can read the first sentence and close the tab/book/whatever? I do not understand these people who bypass warnings, read the whole thing, and then get upset with the author. you had so many opportunities to protect yourself, and you chose not to. at that point, I believe it's simply a case of people wanting to feel victimised. I'm sorry that the online culture has made people think that it's not worth validation unless it's a screaming panic attack, but dear god, that's not the author's problem.

people these days have it real easy online. I don't mean to sound like an old bastard, but they would not have survived the internet Back In My Day. or they would, because they had to, and they'd be perfectly fine and functioning now. this culture of helplessness is absolutely ridiculous.

#anon #asks

[cat-sapphics]

i'm not sure this will make sense, but i hate how lgbt discourse both here and on twitter (not instagram, as i believe their exclus population is decent) is just so one-sided in terms of support. like, inclus are so praised and "morally correct" while exclus are the opposite when really neither should be that way at all. i mean, i know realistically that debate audiences just work this way, but i think that when something is not that serious and quite admittedly terminally-online, people should just leave the debaters to debate in their own corner of the internet and not worry about it if it's so pointless to them. for me personally, i have a great interest in lgbt topics and critically analyzing how communities work within them, so i see this as more of a hobby, especially considering that no one's opinions can truly cause or prevent someone to identify a way we don't like alone. i can't stop anyone from proudly being a pan lesbian [(whatever that means lol)], but they can't stop me from reclaiming the 'd' slur as a bisexual. ultimately they're both at the end of the day going to be seen as lesbophobic by some and not by others, regardless of whether you agree or how angry these supposed injustices make you. (keep in mind that these examples are from an unbiased viewpoint; i personally see mspec lesbians as both lesbophobic and biphobic but the 'd' slur reclamation as neither.)

anyway, i'm just trying to find the right way to word this as a leaning neutralist without coming off as like... victimizing exclus and demonizing inclus, [especially after getting an ask a while back that assumed i have hateful intent]. because here's the thing, both radical ends of the spectrum have caused harm to the lgbt community. transmeds, anti-nb lesbians/gays, anti-neopronouns, and the like are too restrictive and make it all seem like some exclusive club for the "oh-so-oppressed." but on the other hand, calling every single one of us "queer" without our consent, advocating for mspec lesbians/gays, and completely misconstruing every single little concept into some woke "fuck you" mogai gender hasn't exactly helped us progress forward either. but although people who aren't radinclus seem to side against them, it seems like everyone is against the entirety of the exclus half of the spectrum, not just the radical end. and i don't think that's fair because it shows that many of you don't think critically and just like throwing around the word "valid" to make up for it.

i appreciate that we do have neutral spaces we can agree on despite all the infighting. for example, no one has ever said that aces and aros aren't valid. exclusionists are pro-asexuality just as much as inclus are, we don't deny or disapprove of it (in fact, many of us are on the spectrum if we believe in it). we just disagree on whether they belong in the lgbt community or not, seeing as they can also be cishet and do not face homophobia or transphobia if they are.

but yeah, ultimately my point is that discourse has no point and both sides get too much shit, but especially exclus just because that seems to be the agreed-upon "right" way to think if you don't want to be hated. i've noticed it's mostly inclus who say discourse means nothing, but then contradict themselves by being incredibly hateful to dissenters and being incredibly rigid about not letting them interact (even respectfully), as if we're the worst homophobes on the planet next to terfs or something. and i'm not going to discredit those of you who call out exclus who are just nasty and disrespectful and obviously are more in it to offend online lgbt teens than protecting the wider "real" lgbt community for what it was built on; we don't own them. our stance is about critical thinking and respectful debate, not being hateful "queerphobes" or whatever you call that. that is where we can side with you rather than against you, so long as y'all also moderate your own... which i really don't see happen since y'all think we deserve it based on misconceptions. it's a little frustrating and i think i'm justified enough to feel that way.

sorry for the long post lmao, i just wanted to reflect on some personal thoughts and observations in terms of discourse. i appreciate if you read this far but i'm not here to try to waste your time if you didn't.

another note - i know it's awkward for me to refer to ourselves as "the lgbt community" over and over again rather than "the queer community", but although i personally have no problem with the word, my beliefs respect those who do as it is technically still a slur and i am not one to be consciously hypocritical.

all lgbt discoursers of any stances may interact (except for transmeds & terfs), SO LONG AS YOU ARE MUTUALLY RESPECTFUL and do not twist my words to villainize me for things i never said. read between the lines, thanks.

#pridecat rants #lgbt discourse #discourse #inclus #radinclus #exclus #radexclus #neutral #rad leaning #inclus leaning #exclus leaning #ace discourse #neopronouns discourse #mogai discourse #lesbian discourse #bi discourse #pan discourse #queer discourse #slur discourse #transmeds dni #terfs dni

[dracotheocracy]

the sarah z discourse happening right now is further proving my belief that i could not psychologically handle being a content creator with a known social media presence like. the level of abuse you have to tolerate as someone with a platform to avoid setting off that subset of people that want excuses to do and say incredibly vile shit and subsequently getting blamed for sic’ing your “fans” on someone is actually incredible.

like the cost of the TINIEST social misplay at any level of internet fame is ridiculous. i think she messed up posting that ask because it invited harassment but she makes a good point in saying content creators are expected to tolerate some absolutely vile treatment without protest and that is just wrong.

my stance is a little different in cases like with dream because i just. don’t think he has a temperament suited to being the subject of online discourse and i think he should’ve realized the wisest solution to the harassment problem on his end would be to stop posting on twitter because he rarely makes measured responses to his critics, at least not before compounding the original mistake with another one first.

but i don’t blame him for the behavior of his fans. i think he galvanized them for sure but to what extent is it a content creator’s job to protect other people from their audience, a demographic that after a certain point they honestly have little control over? dream gave his toxic stans several targets but the worst thing he was directly responsible for was making idiotic quips and acting generally childish which is a bad look for someone in his position, yes, but while his behavior informs the harassment it will always reflect significantly worse on his fans than it does on him, and that his fans are willing and able to send such hate is, well, their problem more than it is his.

at the same time, like i said he’s not absolved from blame. he sets an example by blowing up like that and i do believe the harassment his critics receive would be noticeably reduced if he shut his fucking mouth for a couple days before saying anything, but this is twitter where anything other than groveling and begging forgiveness is a loss. oh and groveling is a loss too because it’s clearly per formative and nobody actually means an apology they post on twitter (/s). the inciting incidents often cause dream to receive a lot of harassment as well which galvanizes his own poor behavior and thus the snake bites its own tail and all. the most apt description of it is as a cycle of violence. because ultimately that’s exactly what it is. the hate machine feeds itself

(edit): i realize this reads like a defense of dream and funnily enough i didn’t intend for that because i think he’s more in the wrong than his critics lol. let me reiterate that i think he’s smart enough to realize what the best solution possible was. it wouldn’t eliminate the cycle of hate completely but in functionally disappearing and not responding to critics at all except in a place where he can maintain some level of distance would’ve been good

which is ANOTHER problem because dream encouraged his fans to form a parasocial relationship and i don’t think it’s a hot take to say that made his fans even more vitriolic. distance is vital as a content creator in warding off scummy fans, encourage them to get attached to you and they become personally hurt by people’s criticisms of you that should really be only marginally their business for the purposes of exercising their critical thinking when it comes to your content and behavior

anyway not sure why i spent that many paragraphs on minecraft youtuber discourse especially considering that this started out with me talking about a youtuber that’s completely removed from that social circle. my point is to win at youtube you have to be completely inaccessible to your audience which mega sucks because it also means filtering out a lot of valid criticisms of your work and discouraging any intellectual engagement with it whatsoever, which is a gigantic loss actually, so let me revise my original statement: the only way to win at youtube is to not make videos and have no following or discernible personality if you do make videos

#specifically not tagging this with anything relevant because it’s shameful enough i’m discourse posting to begin with