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sparklingchim · 4 months

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you're losing me 02 | jjk

pairing: jungkook x reader

word count: 5k

genre: angst, married couple, age gap, ceo jk, nepo baby oc, second chance romance

rating: 18+

warnings: pregnancy scare, mean possessive jungkook 😾, unprotected sex, orgasm denial, fingering, choking, oc gets her hands tied bc she's a brat ! ☝🏼, blowjob, cum eating, car sex, teasingg, tipsy oc, v vulnerable oc :(, dirty talk, daddy kink, crying, one boob bite methinks

summary: having a bit too much fun at chanyeol's halloween party, jungkook unexpectedly joins the party too.

a/n: it's finally here !! i hope u like it hihi <3

you're losing me masterlist

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Chanyeol never misses with his Halloween parties.

And usually, you never miss with your costumes too, but given the circumstance you’re glad to even attend.

Truthfully, it was entirely your own fault, and you hate to admit it because you had been extremely excited to wear your customised Barbie doll outfit, but one spill of your wine and the dress was disastrously ruined.

So you had to come up with a spontaneous Plan B.

You finally found usage for the small Victoria Secret wings from their special collection you received during a fashion show. Cinching a lace-embellished corset from Dolce & Gabbana, you paired it with a flirty ruffled miniskirt from Chanel. Your hair was crowned with crystal-embellished hairpins by Jennifer Behr. And oh, those satin heels by Jimmy Choo, adorned with dazzling crystals, added the perfect dose of sparkle to the outfit. You think you might’ve redefined last minute-magic.

“You’re trending on Twitter.”

As you sit on the couch, reaching down to retrieve the ping pong ball for Eunwoo turn at beer pong, Chanyeol abruptly shoves his phone in front of you. His screen is showing the trending page on Twitter.

“Didn’t realise my costume is that cute.” You look down on yourself. It’s a basic costume, but you would have thought that Chanyeol’s vampire look gained more attention.

“Your outfit’s cute, but everyone’s talking about what you posted on your Story,” Chanyeol remarks. He taps on your name trending and scrolls through a myriad of Tweets, with people reposting the picture.

“Oh.”

Eunwoo peeks over Chanyeol’s shoulder and reads the Tweets. He chuckles. “Everyone’s just talking about how hot we look.”

You giggle, swatting his arm.

You didn’t expect a little mirror pic creating chaos to this extent.

It was just a funny coincidence seeing Eunwoo dressed up in a matching costume to in a devil costume, complete with fitting horns and wings, creating an impromptu couple costume. It was his idea to take a picture.

You probably should have considered that Eunwoo is a rising idol and actor. Everyone adores him. And seeing him photographed next to a girl off-screen, especially when it’s not for a highly anticipated KBS drama, might not sit well with everyone.

“Has your hubby seen it?” Chanyeol asks.

You shrug. “I dunno. Maybe? He does regularly check what I post.” But he told you how busy he is today, so you’re not sure if he saw.

“Have you thought about my offer, by the way?” Eunwoo asks.

“What offer?” Chanyeol curiously chimes in.

“The lead role in my next drama. They're srill looking for an actress and honestly, I think ___ would be incredible for this one.”

Chanyeol’s eyes grow wide. “You two in a drama? That’s insane.”

“I’ve never tried acting. Not sure if I’d be any good,” you confess,

“I feel like you’re good at anything,” Chanyeol assures with a grin.

“I’ll think about it.”

They both resume playing beer pong with the others while you watch them as you drink.

As you take a sip from your drink, the weight of lingering gazes persists – less intense than in the beginning, yet a subtle scrutiny remains.

The curious looks undoubtedly trace back to the headlines two weeks ago, when pictures of Jungkook and you in his car near the gynaecologist’s building surfaced online. Captured in a vulnerable moment, perched on Jungkook’s lap with tears streaming down your face, you know how it must’ve looked like to the public.

You couldn’t stand those pictures making the rounds, especially with you in tears.

2 weeks ago

“You don’t need to worry.” Jungkook gently traces his thumb over the back of your hand.

You huff, frowning at your interlaced fingers. “But I do worry.”

“Love, if you are potentially-”

“Don’t say it!” you cut him off. “Hearing the word makes me more anxious.”

You hear him utter an exhausted sigh. “You said yourself that your period has been irregular in the past.”

“Yeah, minus the morning sickness.” Your tone is a bit sharp, maybe even sassy, and you don’t actually want it to come off that way and in another circumstance you’d feel guilty, but you’re too drained from your emotions and the conversation to care.

“But the tests you took were negative,” he tries again.

“It’s just plastic. I can’t trust it.”

You took countless of pregnancy tests weekly, filled up the bathroom bin with those stupid little things until you finally acquiesced to Jungkook’s persistent suggestion to schedule an appointment with your gynaecologist.

The slow traces on your hand come to a halt. His fingers lightly squeeze your chin, directing your gaze at him.

“I promise you, whatever the outcome is we’ll make the best of it.”

“I don’t understand how you’re able to stay calm,” you say, eyebrows arching at his composed demeanour.

In truth, this is an authentic depiction of your relationship dynamic. You deal with lots of anxiety, always have been, and Jungkook stands as the serene counterbalance – tranquil and calm, akin to a gentle, silent breeze sweeping over your arms just as it gets unbearably hot in summer and you’re out of options to cope with the temperature.

But this is concerning you both and you can’t grasp the ease with which he handles the plaguing situation.

“Either outcome won’t change anything drastically.”

You head turns to the side and your stare out the windscreen, a hint of pique evident as your tongue pokes your cheek.

“I don’t want a baby.” It’s barely a whisper under your breath. “But you want one.” Your eyes flutter back to him.

Thinking about it, it dawns on you that a potential pregnancy would undoubtedly bring joy to everyone in your life. Especially your dad, who has been eagerly anticipating it for years – bugging you about it almost every time you see him. However, at 24 you have dreams beyond motherhood. The thought of being tied down to it now fills you with a quiet sense of unease.

You know that Jungkook views it differently. It’s understandable; he is 31, and despite mutually agreeing to wait for a baby, for him it’s not the end of the world. His calm demeanour, shaped by having navigated through a previous marriage and bringing a wealth of life experience, contrasts with your apprehension.

Jungkook hesitates. “I do want a baby,” he confirms, a shadow of regretful longing crossing his face. “But it doesn’t matter. Whatever the result is, I will support it – I will support your decision.” Upon squeezing your bare thigh, he realises how cold you are. “Love, you’re freezing.” He fetches a fuzzy blanket from the backseat that he keeps there just for you. He tucks you under the comfy blanket.

“It’s ‘cause I’m scared,” you mumble, leaning back in your seat.

“Come here.” He softly anchors his hands on your hips and guides you to his lap. “It pains me to see you like this.” He wraps the blanket around you tighter. “You don’t wanna go in there and get this done quickly? Avoiding the inevitable messes with your headspace.”

“Just a few more minutes.”

Jungkook mindlessly cups your cheek, tatted knuckle skimming over your skin.

Maybe it’s the way he peers at you. With a gentle shimmer reflecting sheer fondness and poised to unfold the world at your feet, build a home for you wherever your finger points to without having to ask. Maybe it’s the way he is holding you to himself, his hands serving as a protective embrace, a shield warding off any harm that would dare come your way. Or maybe it’s the tall, daunting building on the side of the road, towering over you like a spectre of uncertainty.

But something brings tears to your eyes – making you grow smaller and younger and suddenly fragile.

“My love,” Jungkook utters tenderly. It fills you with warmth and so much love.

Worry contorts his face. His hand around you holds you tighter.

“I’m not gonna cry.” It serves more as a reassurance for yourself than for him.

“You know you can when you’re with me.”

You refuse, adamantly shaking your head. But when you lose control over the tears stinging your eyes, you bury your face into his neck.

“It’s okay,” he whispers, adding a small peck to your temple. “It’s okay to feel this way.”

“Don’t like it,” you murmur into his now tears stained skin.

“But there’s no point in denying it.”

“There’s just...so much. All at once.” You lean back a bit, finger pointing right to your heart.

“I know, love.” He gingerly caresses your back. He softens at your trembling bottom lip, a piece of his own heart falling apart upon seeing you vulnerable on his lap. “I’ll carry everything you can’t, remember?” It’s a vow that formed the foundation of your shared existence. In the quiet assurance of his voice, he continues, “I’ll carry your worries, your fears, your doubts.” His promise is a soothing melody in the symphony of your shared moment. “As long as we talk – communicate properly, this won’t be difficult.”

“But we do talk,” you reply, scrunching your stuffy nose. “No?”

“Yeah, I know.” He nods, thumbing away the tear from the corner of your eye. “But I need you to be honest with me regarding this. No hiding your thoughts from me.”

“I won’t.”

“You’re ready now?” Jungkook asks. As much as he comforts you, traces of curiosity glimmer in his eyes.

“I think so.”

“There’s nothing to worry.” Jungkook smiles in that boyish and lovely way that it coaxes a weak smile on your face.

Jungkook had been right the whole time. You weren’t pregnant.

There had been nothing to worry.

You’re still in awe at how he never doubted his feeling. He just knew you weren’t pregnant – typical Jungkook, always has this uncanny grasp on things, like an innate ability.

Your gynaecologist attributed it to a lack of vitamins and advised better hydration.

Jungkook, feeling more than a tad guilty, bombards you with constant reminders to take your vitamins, drink and eat even more than he used to.

“Is that Jeon Jungkook?” A hushed female voice utters to the person beside her.

As you gaze upward, your eyes lock onto Jungkook in the back of the crowd. A flutter dances through your heart at the mere sight of him.

Jungkook’s presence demands every ounce of attention as people instantly recognise him. He’s draped entirely in black. His pants temptingly cling to his thighs, the buttons of his shirt straining across his chiselled chest and strong arms. His Rolex sits prettily around his wrist, it’s gleam harmonising with the brilliance of his wedding ring.

And you find it so funny, silly almost, because this is just Jungkook in his work attire, you see him like this every day, and yet people’s eyes morph into tiny hearts as he effortlessly strolls by, leaving a trail of heated admiration.

Sometimes Jungkook has a way of teasing your sanity. He turns your life into a whimsical romance, making you wonder if you’re living in a silly, sappy romance movie with the dreamiest guy as the lead. Because in this fleeting moment, the world around you dissolves into a blur, and you see nothing but him. Everyone fades, except him.

“Jungkook!” You stand up, a bit wobbly on your heels. He immediately wraps his hands around your sides.

“Hi, love.” He kisses you softly.

You missed his sweet, gentle voice when he talks to you.

He rakes a stare over you, one brow arched. “You’re already drunk? Who’s been giving you drinks?”

You deny his question with a dragged out “no”. “Just a bit tipsy – if even.” Before he can comment anything else regarding how many drinks you’ve already had, you ask, “Where’d you get these cute horns from?” Your hand reaches for the hairband with two attached red horns on them.

“Don’t know the brands name. Just a cheap store down the street from the company.”

You tilt your head as you ponder. “I don’t know of any cheap store close to the company.”

A ping pong ball rolls towards you on the floor. As you bend down to retrieve the ball, Jungkook’s hand pulls you back by the waist and he picks it up himself. His possessive hand travels to your butt and he slides his palm over the ruffles of your skirt.

“You’re not wearing any panties, are you?” he whispers into your ear. He throws the little ball towards the other end of the table. You shake your head, not really comprehending what he’s implying. Your more focused on how he effortlessly threw the ping pong ball straight into the cup.

“Yah, Jungkook! Come here, I need you in my team right now!” Chanyeol yells.

Jungkook lets out a humourless laugh. “Has Eunwoo not been good enough?”

Eunwoo sends a glare his way. “Chanyeol’s just taking everything too seriously.”

Jungkook rolls up his sleeve. “Too good that I’m also competitive.”

When Jungkook has enough of beer pong after carrying his team every round, he sits down next to you, pulling you to his lap.

You were just talking with Jisoo about the newest Dior collection, but she leaves the two of you alone with a knowing smile.

Jungkook swiftly takes the partially filled cup from your grasp and places it on the table. “You’ve had plenty to drink tonight.”

“I didn’t drink that much.” You don’t know exactly how much you drank because maybe you had too much to count, but you won’t tell him.

Jungkook cocks his head. He doesn’t need you to tell him to know.

“Get up.” His palms push your lower back.

“Huh?” You play with his necktie, leaning closer to his body. “For what?”

A crooked, entertained smirk crosses his face. “For what?” he scoffs.

His tatted arm snakes around you, his rolled-up sleeve flaunting the pretty inked lines adorning his skin. Jungkook grips you close to him. He angles your face down, his lips brushing over the sensitive part of your neck until he reaches your ear.

“Gonna fuck your brainless in my car. That’s why.”

His voice has got that pretty husky rasp you love so much. Tingles spread everywhere, especially your pussy. Jungkook sucks your earlobe between his teeth, and you think you can feel his smile when an unintended moan bubbles up your throat. You squirm in his lap.

“Someone’s got excited,” he teases as his hands run up your thigh, thumb disappearing underneath the white material of your skirt.

“Don’t.” Your fingers fly to his wrist. “There are people.”

Jungkook clicks his tongue. “Now you care about people watching?”

Your lips pull together in a confused pout.

“You never notice, do you?” He decided against sneaking his finger further between your legs. Instead, he smoothens the hiked-up fabric of your skirt, though there is not much to adjust. It’s a skimpy skirt, it barely covers you.

“Notice what?” Your sparkly heels distract you and you move your feet around, watching every crystal glitter. “You’re being confusing, Koo.”

“I’m not being confusing,” he denies.

“Yes, you are.” You shift your gaze to him. A subtle crease appears between your brows. “You told me you didn’t have time for a silly Halloween party and yet you showed up.”

Jungkook dislikes seeing you upset. He really does. It creates this unexplainable feeling of protectiveness that sits right behind his rib – annoying and intolerable, coupled with a hint of guilt. But seeing your tipsy form upset delights him the tiniest bit.

“I was able to finish off early,” he explains. “Thought I’d join you, ‘cause you wanted me to.”

“And you were pretty mean to Eunwoo.”

“He can fuck off. I really don’t care about him.” His tongue peaks out as he swipes it over his bottom lip, teeth biting at the skin with furrowed brows.

“You’re such a meanie sometimes.” You run your fingers over his eyebrows, relaxing them.

“Want me to show you how mean I can be?” He tilts his head, a challenging glint in his eyes.

“You can’t be mean to me,” you say, shaking your head as your fingers settle on his broad shoulders. “Been good today.”

“You’ve been driving me insane tonight.”

“Me? What did I do?”

Jungkook rises to his feet with you, and you stagger a little at the sudden movement, but he keeps a safe arm around you. “Always so clueless,” he mumbles as he leads you through the crowd.

“___!” someone yells your name.

You stop when you see Karina rushing towards you.

“I’ve been looking for you all night!” She hands you a drink

You look at her through apologetic eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m leaving already. I’ll see you soon!”

Jungkook takes the drink from you after you had a sip and downs the whole thing. He tosses the cup into a near trashcan as you step out of the house.

“Oh, no. I told Eunwoo I’d give him my number,” you remember. “Lemme go back.”

But Jungkook’s hand on the small of your back remains firm.

“He’s not stupid. He’ll find a way to contact your manager.” Jungkook is pissed and you’re not quite sure if you heard it right, but you think he adds a small “Doesn’t need my wife’s number.”.

“Can you imagine me in a drama?” You giggle as you think about it. “Would you watch it?” You turn your head. “You don’t like watching dramas.”

“Of course, I’d watch it. Immediately.”

Your eyes spark up and Jungkook wants to have this image of your forever ingrained in his memory. A literal angel staring at him as if he was the one that hung up the stars.

You stumble over your heels when you refuse to look ahead, pretty eyes still admiring him. “Careful, love.” He quickly steadies you.

He unlocks his car when you reach it and opens the door to the backseat for you. But instead, you pull open the passenger door and bend over to open the glove compartment.

“Are there condoms left here?”

You search for the familiar package, but Jungkook hurriedly pulls you back, shutting it closed along with the car door.

“Nothing left,” he replies. “Get in the backseat.”

As you get into the car and settle on your back, you ponder, “Didn’t realise how many times we’ve fucked in the car.”

You're not particularly interested in cars, but in rare – or apparently not so rare – moments like these, you appreciate the spaciousness of Jungkook’s G-Wagon.

Before Jungkook joins you in the car, he scans the surroundings, vigilant for any lingering onlookers. He doesn’t need you on the front page of every media outlet again. You’ve had enough of that lately, and that darn Instagram Story of yours likely fuelled the gossip mill again.

Jungkook barely uses social media. You’re the only reason he has the apps on his phone. He doesn’t follow anyone except you, only has your notifications on. During a short break he mindlessly clicked on the Instagram notification, expecting a cute picture of your angel outfit – you had texted him complaining about your ruined Barbie dress and he suggested you could use the angel wings he once saw you carrying into your wardrobe.

Safe to stay he expected everything, but a picture with fucking Eunwoo wearing fucking matching costumes.

As hours passed by, his anger didn’t simmer; instead, it prompted his decision to make a swift trip to the dollar store and join you at the party.

“You tend to conveniently forget when you’re a needy brat.”

“It’s ´cause I’m not a brat,” you reply with a huff, yanking at his tie. “Just a bit needy sometimes.”

“Hmm, just a bit needy?” His knuckle follows along your jaw, teasing you with his gentle touches and the mock sympathy seeping from his tone.

You look so cute lying here for him, with the angel wings peeking from your sides and the little sparkly pins adorning your hair. He just wants to fuck you silly.

You nod pliantly. An innocent smile blossoms on your face.

Jungkook’s hand disappears under the ruffles of your skirt, middle finger sliding over your pussy. You gasp, body twitching at the sudden touch.

“So wet already?” he sneers. “All for me?”

You grind your pussy against him, hungry for more.

“And so greedy for me.” He spreads your pussy lips, gently rubbing the pad of his finger over your sensitive clit. Jungkook moves your skirt up and an immediate glint surfaces in his eyes. “So pretty.” He slips two fingers in, smirking when you shake beneath him. “Baby’s sensitive, huh?”

He pumps his fingers into you and your teeth sink into your bottom lip. The alcohol running through your veins heightens your sensitivity to his touch. Everywhere he touches leaves a shimmering trail of tingles, enveloping your body in a cloud of euphoria, a sensation both fuzzy and dreamy.

“I want you.” You reach for his cock, but Jungkook seizes your wrist.

“Did I say you could touch?” His voice drips with condescension.

You weakly shake your head, a frustrated whine accompanying it.

“Use your big girl words.” His fingers stop moving and he completely removes them when you remain silent. “C’mon,” he urges, growing more impatient.

“No, you didn’t,” you sulk. Even dare to look at him through a frown.

“You don’t get to do anything," he tells you. He loses hie tie, wraps it around your wrist in a swift, practiced motion and ties them above your head. “Just lie there and look pretty for me.” He pulls his pants and briefs down, stroking his hard cock before he teasingly nudges his tip against your clit.

You watch him play with your pussy and you’re unable to keep the desperate moans from leaving your mouth, eagerly waiting until he aligns his cock to your entrance, slowly filling you up with his entire length. A throaty moan reverberates when he’s all the way in.

“Pussy’s so good at taking me.”

A gasp leaves your mouth as he stretches you out. “So good,” you mumble.

Jungkook waits until he knows you’re used to h is size before he starts moving his hips.

Your tits move in the confines of your corset. Jungkook’s head dips down and you feel his tongue slide over the swell of your boobs that peek out, teeth slightly grazing over your skin.

“Don’t bite,” you utter between moans.

But Jungkook does exactly that. Even sucks on your skin a little bit.

“You think you have a say on anything?” His hand squeezes your face. Traces of petulance lie in your eyes. His other hand grips your hips, fingers buried in your skin to fuck you fast.

It’s almost ridiculous how fast Jungkook gets you to your high. He knows exactly what to do to get your walls clamp around his cock, begging him to give you just a little bit more to push you off the edge.

“Don’t stop,” you whisper, eyes falling closed as you the pleasure builds up in your tummy.

But then Jungkook suddenly stops moving. You open your eyes to find Jungkook smirking at your trembling body, amused when a shaky breath escapes you.

“Why would you do that? I was close!”

He pulls his cock out, tapping it over your clit.

“Hmm, no idea why I would do that?” he asks, pushing his cock back into your pussy in one swift motion.

“I haven’t done anything,” you say meekly, staring at the way he slowly fucks you. He could make you cum so easily.

Jungkook sniffs a laugh. “Can’t recall anything bad you did?”

He picks up on his pace and you can’t think at all, barely able to shake your head as more breathless moans fly past your lips.

“Posting a couple costume picture online? Fuck, ___ what were you thinking?” He hooks his hands underneath your thighs, pulling them up to fuck deeper. “Wanted everyone talking about you two? Wanted to piss me off?”

“No,” you whine. “Didn't mean it that way. We- we didn’t plan on it at all. Just – when we saw each other it was really funny, and I just took a pic of it.” You’re a babbling mess at this point, the ability to form comprehensible sentences gone once Jungkook sticked his cock in you.

“I don’t fucking care,” he curses. “You know how people perceive this stuff.”

“You don’t... don’t think it was a silly coincidence?”

Jungkook is flush against you. Your nails dig into your palms at how deep his cock is buried in you.

“I should find it silly?” A deep glower settles on his face and in a sick, naughty way it turns you on, making your pussy involuntarily squeeze around his cock. “Fuck, ___, do you wanna cum at all?”

“No, please,” you fuss desperately. “Wanna cum.”

“Then start behaving. Quit being a brat.”

“I am good,” you try to convince him.

Jungkook shakes his head in dismissal. “Put on an angel costume and yet you’re such a dirty girl.”

While you may not encapsule the right persona regarding the angel outfit, Jungkook undoubtedly fucks you like the devil. So mean and selfish, teasing and cursing at you.

“Wanna be – wanna be good for daddy.”

“Yeah?” he breathes, hand travelling up your body until it reaches your throat. “Then don’t disappoint me.” With his shiny Rolex around his wrist, he wraps his fingers around you, squeezing the tiniest bit. You feel the familiar outline of his wedding ring press to your skin.

Your legs wrap around him and you try not to poke him with your heels, but tears obstruct your view and you can barely control yourself, the aching feeling to come undone is back in your tummy.

“Jungkook,” you utter between little desperate puffs. “Wanna cum so bad.”

“Only when I allow you to.” Jungkook looks down at your defeated, crushed face with a smug smirk. “Can do that, right? My wife’s capable of that, hmm?”

Your eyes flutter shut. A single tear rolls down the corner of your eye. “Yes, I – I can wait.”

“That’s my good girl.” He leans closer, whispering it into your ear. “Cock so good it’s making you cry, huh?” His lips press to the corner your eye and he kisses your tear away.

The more he talks and whispers dirty word into your ear, the harder it becomes to resist the temptation to pull yourself back and cum on his dick. But you want to be good for Jungkook, want to hear him praise you for being a patient girl.

“Slow down, please.” Your bound wrists unconsciously attempt to free themselves, but Jungkook’s knot is too tight for you to undo it. You’ll cum soon if he continues at this pace.

“Nuh-uh.” He denies firmly. “You can take it. Show me how good you are.” His fingers dig deeper into your throat and your eyes open again. His brows are furrowed, an angry flush tinting his cheeks. “That’s it. Look at me – look at me when you cum.”

It crosses your mind to secretly cum, but Jungkook’s got a knack for spotting your telltale signs, so it wouldn’t be that sneaky after all. You did try to do that once though. You couldn’t properly sit the next day.

Jungkook swipes his tongue over his thumb before he slips his hand between your legs and starts to slowly circle your clit. A devilish grin sparks up his face.

“You wanna cum so badly, don’t you?”

“Please.”

“Wanna cum all over my cock?” His thumb moves faster. “Make a little mess?”

“Yes,” you pant. Pleasure seeps through your entire body and the effort to ignore the feeling becomes so exhausting, more tears fill your eyes.

“Then cum for me,” Jungkook demands, keeping a gentle trace in his voice. His gaze remains on your face and he watches you with greedy eyes as you come undone beneath him.

It happens almost instantly, like a string that snapped. You’re body shakes as your orgasm rumbles through you and you’re so sensitive you want to yank his hand away fromyour clit, but Jungkook enjoys seeing your writhe way too much to stop playing with your nub.

Shaky breaths escape you. Jungkook fucks you slower now, still rolling his hips into you with precision to hit your sweet spot.

“Doing so good, love.” The hand on your throat moves to your face, swiping away the tears. “So good for me.”

And just as you’re about to tell him you’re too sensitive, Jungkook removes his finger from your clit and pulls his cock out. He sits down and pats your thigh. “Come here.”

Despite being tired from just cumming, you’re hungry for him just by the sight of Jungkook stroking his cock. You move to sit on your thighs, tied up hands on your lap.

Jungkook gathers your hair in his hand before he moves your head down. “Open wide,” he instructs, guiding his wet cock into your mouth.

You taste yourself on his dick as your slide your tongue around him. Jungkook is close to cumming. You can feel it in the way his he impatiently pushes your head further down his cock.

“Gonna cum in your mouth.” Tiny moans fill your ear and you take as much of him inside your mouth as you can. “Fuck, just like that.”

Your mouth fills with hot, salty cum and you continue bobbing your head up and down, getting every drop of it.

“Good girl.” Jungkook pulls you away from his cock. You swallow his load as you look at him. He hums approvingly. “Wasn’t too rough, was I?” he asks, untying the know from your wrists. He rubs his fingers over the red marks.

“I’m fine. Didn’t hurt.” Your eyes close when he pecks your forehead.

After he pulls up his pants and briefs, Jungkook checks his phone. His fingers are quick as he types something.

“Who’s texting you at this hour,” you ask, curiously peeking over his arm.

“Just work. I left a bit abruptly.” He tucks his phone away before you can read anything.

Before more questions can leave your lips, he meets yours in a sweet kiss.

“I’m not done with you yet,” he says, patting your hair to tame the mess on your head. “Once we’re home, I’m gonna give your ass the attention it hasn’t got yet.”

#jungkook smut #jungkook scenario #jungkook fanfic #jungkook angst #jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook #jungkook x you #bts smut #bts angst #jungkook imagine

2K notes · View notes

sl-ut · 2 months

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more streamer!ellie hcs

been wanting to make another one of these for a while now so here we goooooo

part one

ellie loves having her gf on stream as often as she can

they always let chat vote for who gets to choose the game that they play, but y/n wins probably 90% of the time

ellie pretends to be annoyed when she picks the sims or minecraft

but in reality she really likes sitting together and making each other and building their dream life

she made her simself have huge muscles, was mad when her girl just laughed and made them more realistic

when she won, she liked to pick horror and rpg games

she loves trying to act all big and bad and "protecting her girl"

meanwhile she's holding onto her for dear life and screaming at the top of her lungs

when she's on her own, she likes playing any type of game with voicechat

she always ends up fighting with and cussing at some random kids across the country

she gets so wild whenever one of them calls her a virgin

always freaks out at them before beginning to brag all about her super hot gf that they couldn't even dream of having and they wouldn't even know what to do with that

she gets a "???" text from her girl a few seconds later

she takes little gf breaks during the stream, where she literally sprints out of the room, kisses her, and rushed back

her insta is so dumbbbb

like its literally a compilation of stupid memes, random photo dumps, brand deals, and the most well edited and gorgeous photos of her girlfriend

her tiktok really took off after they started dating too

she makes thirst traps and also the most wholesome lovely dovey vids about her relationship

she loves reposting fan edits of them

as mentioned in the first one, ellie's gf is also in the public eye

i think i've decided that she's an up and coming singer/actress

ellie loves going to major events with her

she always looks like a wet dream like

she likes to wear suits of some kind where the top is partially unbuttoned and her hair is slicked back and ughhhh

don't get me wrong, she looks so good and fierce in her solo pics

but anytime you're anywheres near her that night, she's got the most obvious heart eyes anyone has ever seen

whenever ellie goes with her for press events y/n's manager immediately know its gonna be a gold mine

theres always some kind of promo that's literally just the two of them cuddling

once y/n gets her big break they 1000% get offered a ck campaign

the whole thing is them doing domestic stuff together and being all cute and sexy and ellie looks so DAMN GOOD in her boxers and bralette

she literally spends the whole day leading up to her stream with her gf bc she's "gonna miss her" during the 3-4 hours that they're apart (even tho she's calling her in every 30 minutes just to say hi anyways)

wears stupid shirts on stream that she custom orders

they all say stupid loser gf shit or just have a picture of your face on it

#reader insert #x reader #imagines #lesbian #ellie williams x reader #ellie x you #ellie x y/n #ellie x fem reader #ellie x reader #ellie smut

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jarofstyles · 3 months

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hey lovely, don't wanna bother u bc you specifically put ceo but those harry pics are making me think dad's friend! harry. like maybe he is married or not. just... dirty thoughts. he is looking very very dilfy.

ACTUALLY UR CORRECT because it does also give that vibe…. So I got a bit out of hand and made it filthy.

Patreon

Warnings- age gap, daddy kink, teasing, bratty y/n, name calling/ degrading… it’s dirty but if u want more I’ll definitely continue lol

——

It was always the things she shouldn’t want. Chocolate after midnight, peeking in on Christmas gifts, looking over someone’s shoulder as they texted. Y/N knew she had a taste for things that should not be- but she had definitely taken the cake when it came to the man sitting next to her at the dinner table.

In all fairness, she hadn’t been the only one looking. It was his gaze on her legs that she noticed the first night they were introduced that she had her interest peaked, but it had been nearly impossible for her to leave it alone. Not when he was such a staple in the family dinners they had, the parties her parents threw, hell- he had even joined them at the very lake house they were at now. It was indeed Harry’s lake house that he had offered up for them to use for their annual summer vacation, her father gratefully taking the opportunity. He was just blind to the reason why.

Fucking your father’s best friend was probably one of the worst things you could do, but when they looked like Harry? She doubted many people could blame her. She’d always been into older men and seeing one as successful and charming as the man to her left, it wasn’t hard to give into the temptation. There was guilt there, of course. There was always the knowledge that this wasn’t exactly right and it would hurt feelings. But she wanted to be selfish for once.

The first time they’d said it was one and done. Get it out of their system. The second time they’d called it a mistake. The third they’d blamed alcohol and a wedding. By the forth they’d stopped making excuses. Now she knew the man’s tattoos, knew the spot on his neck he liked to be kissed, she knew his favorite position to fuck her in and that he had the most talented tongue she had ever experienced. She was becoming an expert in all things Harry right under the nose of her parents, who saw him as their great friend.

Her fingers ran over his thigh as he spoke, calm as ever while he sipped his bourbon. He didn’t spare her a glance as they trailed to the inner thigh, her other hand bringing the wine glass to her mouth and her tongue being greeted by the tart bite of the notes in the blend. Harry had gotten this with her in mind, she was positive. Not too sweet.

They were talking about something she, quite frankly, didn’t give a fuck about. They were in two different businesses but somehow found some way to talk about stocks or something like that. Y/N didn’t particularly care as long as Harry kept giving her cute little gifts like the diamond tennis bracelet he’d brought her when they first arrived and he snuck her into his bedroom.

They weren’t alone on this vacation- their little friend group of a few men and their wives and grown kids were at the table too, but her focus was on Harry. His rolled up sleeves and hair freshly cut, cropped close tot he sides and growing a bit longer at the top. A perfect amount to run her fingers through.

She knew she was getting into trouble when her fingers brushed his semi hard prick laying under his trousers, a smirk kicking up the side of her mouth. He gripped his glass a bit tighter, eyes cutting to the side discreetly to give her a look. Y/N didn’t move her hand, instead running her fingertips over the bulge and pretending to be engaged in the conversation.

Of course she was going to pay for this. But the rush made her even more wet. Doing this in front of people, being bratty because she wanted his dick inside of her two fucking hours ago and this dinner was dragging on, she was aiming for him to give in. Her ass would be sore tomorrow but she would love each stinging slap and yank of her hair.

“Cut it out.” He mumbled, hiding his lips with the glass. The words were quiet enough, just for them. The conversation continued around them and no one was the wiser, oblivious to the hand palming over the older man’s cock under the tablecloth.

“Make me, Daddy.” Her soft whisper purred, eyes glittering with mischief. She’d signed her own punishment papers there, watching his own gaze darken before shooting back the rest of the drink that was meant to be sipped and savored. Giddiness shot ip her spine as he ripped her hand off, stretching slightly in his chair before saying he needed to call it a night. There was the unspoken promise that laid under his words, the secret message in his tone that meant for her to follow.

It didn’t take her long to scurry up the stairs and find the master bedroom, slipping inside the dimly lit room- only to be grabbed roughly from behind, a gasp leaving her lips as she was pressed against the door. The click of the lock was quiet, his labored breathing against her ear making her grin widely as his cock pressed into her ass. “You just had to be a fucking brat, didn’t you?” He growled, wrapping her hair around his fist and tugging back so she arched into him. “Gagging for it that much, touching me right in front of your family?” Lips ghosted her neck, making her shudder as the sting in her scalp made her whimper. This was exactly what she wanted, what she deserved. “Dirty whore. Fucking cockslut.”

The degrading words were spit in a way that would make the normal girl want to tear up, but Y/N knew she was exactly what he described. She was a cockslut just for him. “What are you going to do about it, Daddy?” The slightly delirious giggle left her as if she wasn’t about to be fucked brainless, but she loved every fucking second of this. Harry didn’t treat her like a little girl. He treated her like a woman, gave her the things she needed. He fucked like a real man should, something she knew no one else could replicate for her. “Are you going to fuck me with them just a few doors down? Don’t think you’re going to make me scream loud enough to get caught…” her mouth dropped as she felt his teeth graze her throat, wishing he could bite down. Not here, not when she had to wear her summer dresses and tank tops.

“No. I’m going to shut you up.” Y/N didn’t have a chance to react before fingers were shoved into her mouth. The two long digits hooking over her teeth, prying her mouth open as she whined, feeling him grind his thickening cock over her ass. She had wanted this so badly, the neediness of her weepy pussy only reacting to him. Her own fingers never did it justice. He’d ruined her in ways she hadn’t expected to ever be ruined, but she wouldn’t change it for the world. “You aren’t going to make a fucking sound unless you want your father to know how disgusting you are. Like to call me Daddy with my cock pounding your perfect little holes.” He hissed, breath washing over her ear as he pressed her further into the door. “So you’re going to shut the fuck up and lift that pathetic excuse of a dress up so I can slip into the sloppy cunt and make sure you keep your hands to yourself tomorrow.”

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naivegh0ul · 7 months

Note

that post about ghost being into you ignoring him,,

I thirst for more

the brainrot is reeeeaaal ughhh

I wanna cockwarm him but instead of grinding and whining and complaining that I want him to fill me so good like I usually do I wanna just sit there and actually cockwarm him, pretend he isn’t there, go on my phone and maybe respond to all the guys in my DMs right in front of him, maybe linger on one dick pick from some rando just to rile him up and watch out of the corner of my eye as his twitches in frustration, but he won’t say anything about it :(( I wanna be sitting in the living room on the couch all sweet and pretty and have him come up to me and try to grind on me or get me to touch him but all I’ll do is lay there and read my book or watch my show, pull my hands out of his when he tries to pull them towards his cock for me to stroke him :(( he’d be so mad and pent up after probably only a day, and when he does get to slip his cock into my tight hole?? baby I’d pretend I couldn’t feel anything and start reading some yummy smut while he ruts into me :(( but it’s okay bc he likes it and it gets him off and makes him try harder to please me, so it’s a win-win!!

YESSS you get me this is exactly what I was thinking.

He thinks that if he gets you in his lap and stuffs you full of his cock, he'll get a reaction. Maybe have you squirming and whining. But you just sit there, on that stupid little phone of yours.

And god, if you even dare start looking at some other guy's dick pics? He gets so mad, hands balling into fists and his eyebrow twitching in annoyance. He knows he should control himself, at least on the outside.

On the inside, he's fuming. He's picturing kicking that guy's ass, beating him to a pulp and then sending you a photo of his limp, unconscious body. Just the thought of it gets his cock twitching inside you, has him groaning and bucking his hips up into you.

You're so right about sitting and looking all pretty on the couch for him. In your cute little pyjamas, book in hand as you smile and get butterflies from what's happening in the story. You haven't look up from your book in ages (it's been 10 minutes) and he really wants you right now.

He tries so hard to get your attention, pulling out all the stops. He spreads his thighs, rubbing them lightly as he groans and shifts his hips. No response. So he tries something a little more hands on, shuffling closer to run his hands along your torso and chest. Still, no response.

When he tries to grab your hand to pull it away from the book, you let him; teasing him a little, leading him on. You let him pull your hand towards his crotch, his sweats tented from where his cock is hard and leaking but you don't let him put your hand on it, simply pulling your hand back and flipping the page nonchalantly.

Once this goes on for longer than a day, and you're denying him what he wants, he gets really annoyed. He's walking around the house with a permanent hard-on, sometimes waking up to find himself grinding against your ass.

It's torture and he loves it.

When he finally manages to get his hands on you, it's over for him. He's cumming before he's even fully inside you, just the tip pressed into your hole as he moans and throws his head back. You don't care, acting as if you can't feel Ghost's thick cock stretching you out and twitching inside you as he cums.

And Ghost is determined to make you react. Anything, a shaky sigh, a tiny moan, anything. Just something to show that, yes, he does affect you. His balls slapping against your ass does affect you.

He does affect you - he does have you fingering yourself in the bathroom when he goes to bed because you're so pent up from not letting Ghost touch you - but he doesn't know that. To him, you're completely fine. You don't care when he bottoms out and cums again, choosing to rut against your ass slowly so he doesn't shoot his load for the third time.

Don't even think about pulling up some smut on your phone because that will be his last straw. As much as he absolutely loves being ignored, loves seeing your bored little expression as he fingers you open, he wants you to react. He needs you to react.

So that phone is being tossed onto the carpeted floor and you're being flipped onto your back, your legs slung over Ghost's shoulders as he puts you into a mating press and enters you again, leaning down so you're face to face and Ghost can watch the minute details of your expression, checking to see if your eyebrows furrow a little or if your eyes cloud over and your lips part.

#i wrote this all in one sitting #without my glasses on #sorry for any mistakes #gender neutral reader #ghost cod #ghost #simon ghost riley #simon riley #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #ghost x gender neutral reader #simon riley x gender neutral reader

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misscinnamonroll16 · 3 months

Text

Brozone headcanons

Clay and Floyd are the stunt men now that they're adults. Clay's always been a little bit of a daredevil, Floyd already died once, why not live a little.

Clay is nocturnal, like the rest of the Putt-putt trolls. His bros throw his sleep schedule off so when they're hanging out, it's not unusual for Clay to just be passed out somewhere or on someone. If they can, they get Clay to bed so he can properly sleep. If not, everyone's volume goes low.

Both Floyd and John Dory took bartending classes. And by took I mean, Floyd just so happened to be sleeping with a bartender who taught him some things. When making drinks, John's proper about it, Floyd is kind of messy. Floyd's over pouring and spilling.

Clay's handwriting is like a nice print. It's easy to read and looks good on paper.

John Dory is good at photography. He mostly uses this skill for taking nature shots but he's gotten good at candid shots of his brothers. He doesn't let them know about these pics bc they don't look the most photogenic but they look like themselves and that's what John loves to see.

JD has dimples

John Dory almost always has at least one weapon on him.

The brothers think JD has a death wish bc he's constantly going after animals that could literally kill him. "John! Don't touch that, it'll tear you to pieces!" "Psh, whatever. If we weren't supposed to pet it then why does look so fluffy?"

Floyd doesn't go into detail about his past. He'll tell snippets here and there but avoid questions. For one, because he's a bit embarrassed about it. He did a lot of things he isn't proud of, drugs, sleeping around, and drinking. For two, he knows that his older brothers still see him WAY younger than he actually is (like how they still see Branch as a baby) and it would just shatter that mentality. And he doesn't want to do that. For three, it's WAY more fun for him if they don't know and have to keep guessing. Floyd has heard them trying to figure out what he spent the last twenty years doing and starts fucking with them.

John Dory definitely has pictures from even when he was a baby and such. Even ones with their parents but he tries to keep those ones tucked away. Branch is going through them when he finds a picture that has been folded in one of the sleeves of the photo album. It's a picture of John and Bruce and their parents. JD quickly snatches the photo and shoves it his vest. Those people looked like strangers to Branch, that picture probably being the first time he's seen them

The brothers know they didn't have a good childhood but John did his best, despite being pretty much a child himself.

John Dory man spreads no matter who he is sitting next or if he's just sitting in a chair.

John Dory wears the one glove to hide an incredibly deep scar. He got into some trouble with some bounty hunters and needless to say, they drove a knife through his hand. He doesn't want his lil bros to know or worry about it so he hides it.

All the boys (like most trolls) are fuzzy. JD and Bruce have the most prominent facial hair and chest hair. They all have leg hair, arm hair, under arm hair, and a happy trail.

Clay and John have the Blond™️ gene (that's how I'm referring to it) where their hair goes through changes. That's why their hair is so much different from when they were kids. In the summer while spending a bunch of time outside, JD and Clay's hair gets lighter, Clay being a light yellow and John being a soft teal. The others convinced them to do one of those 'take a picture every day for a year' things and make it into a flip book to show how their hair changes color.

The boys really wanted a sister. John jokes that they kind of got one with Floyd

Floyd and John Dory are good gardeners. JD briefly grew his own food and Floyd just has a natural green thumb (not that John doesn't)

Floyd gets random nosebleeds

#trolls #brozone #trolls john dory #trolls floyd #trolls clay #trolls bruce #branch trolls #trolls headcanon #trolls headcanons #brozone headcanons #brozone hcs

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hoodharlow · 11 months

Text

The Bae Area (insta AU)

AN: I got a few asks asking me more about this concept so I decided to revive the chapter I scrapped but while y'all wait here's an Insta AU. Cal petting gif by @uservalentine for my El Novio girlies, our faves make a cameo lol

Requested? A few anons

Warnings: Claudia haters and nosy fans

Word Count: n/a

•••

@'mdmupdates: Miriam at Jack's show in LA via Instagram Stories

•••

@'5sosupdates_: Calum and his gf seemingly are in San Diego. The 2nd video isn't cooperating but in the video Miriam Dominguez, Calum and Calum's gf were at Jack Harlow's concert in San Diego

@'miriamstan: my girls <3 also not Miriam with a fake septum piercing. I just know she's mad it's not gold like her necklace lol

@'claudiahater: can C-word not post Cal like we get it, he's your boyfriend 🙄

@'claudiaytfan: crazy how a few years back Claudia interviewed Jack for her college's radio station and now she's at his concert

@'5sosstanthatlikesclaudia: everyone thank Claudia for the Cal update 🥰

@'jackstan: this is so random

-> @'5sosstan: not really, Miriam and Claudia are besties and Miriam is friends with Jack. Someone literally commented above that Claudia interviewed Jack for a college thing. The video is probably on YouTube since Claudia uploaded several to her channel

View all 839 comments

•••

@'mdm: just me and this specific shade of green against the world <3

Also can't wait to show y'all a little something that I did with @'complex and @'jpl at my favorite place in the country aka @'SneakerStoreinOakland

@'jackharlow: you're welcome for the NB hook up

-> @'mdm: tyyy amiguis <3

-> @'mackshipper: miriam please get him out of the friend zone 😭

@'haileybieber: the best color on the best girl

@'shawnmendes: 😍

->@'shawnfan: *ariana what are you doing here*

-> @'mdmfan: wasn't he at Jack's show in LA 👀

-> @'shabrinaship: he was there with Sabrina Carpenter

@'miriamstan: Miriam finally did a sneaker shopping video

@'complex: our new record holder

-> @'mdmxjh: I don't even wanna know how much she spent 😭

-> @'sneakerhead: you mean how much her daddy spent, she doesn't do shit. She's just some rich girl that's appropriating sneaker culture

-> @'miriamfan: based on your profile you're just some white man that buys and resells shoes. If anyone is appropriating sneaker culture it's you, you ugly loser

View all 19,942 comments

•••

@'jackharlowsource: Jack via Instagram Stories

@'jackstan: who did he crop 😳🤔👀

@'jackfan: that def looks like Miriam’s hand and she was at his Oakland show

-> @'jhstan: she was also at the San Jose with her grandma

-> @'jackfan: I bet they're fucking. There's now way you go to 4 shows back-to-back just bc

-> @'miriamstan: y'all chill, she has a boyfriend. The other day she tweeted about how her man hit it and left her feeling nostalgic lmao

View all 359 comments

@'mdm: the bae area 🤍🤎🖤

@'saintclauds: the prettiest 🤍

@'jackharlow: not you cropping my girl

-> @'mdm: you know damn well she couldn't sit still. Also don't act like you're not above cropping

-> @'mdmxjh: *druski voice* what do you mean by that 👀

@'zendaya: 😍

@'lilnasx: the 3rd pic, okay tiddies

@'shawnmendes: ♥️

->@'mackshipper: como dice Demi Lovato 'GET A JOB, STAY AWAY FROM HER'

->@'2018shawn: omg I've been manifesting this since he broke up with canola oil 😫

-> @'mirawnship: I noticed he's been interacting more and more on her posts. He fits the guy in the middle picture 👀👀👀 plus we all know they stopped fucking around when he started to get close to the racist for the PR bullshit. Maybe they're a thing again

View all 21,394 comments

•••

@'jackharlow: More inspired than I've ever been...never had a better pen...never felt truly understood until now...I knew I was a star but I finally got the evidence...I'm the truth and I think it's finally setting in...I think they finally acceptin in

@'mdm: superstar ❣

->@'mdmxjh: no bc she used the same emoji to credit her bf on her post and Jack commented on it

->@'jackharlowfan: it's not that deep plus I'm pretty sure Shawn is her bf

@'urbanwyatt: they're not ready

@playthehomies: ⛲⛲⛲

@'claybornharlow: this one is gonna be a game changer

@'lilnasx: 🥵

@'jackstan: anyone see the video of Miriam and Jack leaving together 👀

-> @'jackgossipacc: it was her? All the videos I've seen were blurry so I couldn't make up the girl's face

View all 42127 comments

Taglist: @heavyhitterheaux @cherry4everrr @carma-fanficaddict @youngharleezy @youngharleezyxo @babyharleezy @that-90s-girllll @alinaharlow @harlowcomehome @nattinatalia @webinurcloset @gassyandsassy1 @jackharloww @awhore4moree @noescapricho-essentimiento @a-moment-captured @neon-lights-and-glitter @purecinnamonextract @whywontyoulovemecami @camificrecs

#jack and miriam #jack harlow #jack harlow smut #jack harlow smau #jack harlow instagram au #jack harlow insta au

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x-liv25-jamieswife · 2 months

Note

can I req some Grayson and Avery hcs (them as friends ofc bcs we stan Avery Jameson)

grayson and avery (as friends) head canons

of course! i've been wanting to make head canons for them as friends ever since i finished the book but never got the courage. hope you like these<3. as always, if anyone has requests, i'd be more than happy to do them! (i have insomnia and do some of these when i can't sleep, so i have plenty of time. this also means you'll probably find spelling mistakes but eh). i might make a part two cause i loveee their friendship.

this one was in my avery hcs but i love it sm, i'm going to include it here too: avery loves taking pictures of nature, and, bc grayson loves it too, they have a shared aesthetic insta account where they post all their pics.

grayson buys her clothes he thinks she would like when he's out shopping for himself.

he always buys her coffee when he's out to bring home to her bc 1. she overworks herself and needs energy and 2. she lovessss coffee (like me :))

he taught her how to play the piano bc her mom used to love listening to the piano and she wanted to learn how to play

sometimes they'll just work together while listening to music

avery's the reason grayson confessed to lyra. she sat down and had a long talk with him about how not everyone was out to hurt him. she told him that if she actually hated him, she would've left by now (gray is convinced everyone ends up leaving him so.. obvi he'd be scared to confess. avery had to convince him otherwise)

gray felt guilty his father kidnapped her, and wanted her to feel safe so he installed reallyyy sturdy locks on her door that are literally impenetrable

grayson has an account dedicated to the photos he takes of people. he loves taking pics of avery (and the others, he's not still crushing on her) and posting them there. there are literally never any captions, he has no bio, and it's extremely hard to find (avery found it tho and told xander about it)

he knows she loves murder mysteries so when he goes out, he buys her some and places them on her bed when he comes home.

avery doesn't like that he overworks himself (hypocrite bc she does the same) so sometimes she'll steal some of his important assignments and do them for him.

gray had a ratty old chair at his desk that was actually quite painful to sit on. he didn't tell anyone and was too lazy to buy himself one, but avery noticed he was stiff and knew the chair was the problem (how? idk). she bought him a new one.

gray thinks avery gives the bestttt hugs so, whenever he feels down, he'll ask for a hug (he lovessss hugs sm). after a while, he stops asking for permission and just hugs her.

avery also loves hugs (she didn't receive many as a child, only her mom gave her some). jameson knows bc yk they're dating so he hugs her all the time, but she also told grayson and he always hugs her goodbye at night before bed.

once, grayson and avery were doing an interview regarding the foundation (cause in tfg, it was revealed he works there), and the interviewer started asking really personal questions about avery's relationship with jameson (he also told her she looked hot cause he's a creep). avery was told by alisa to not say anything in order to not get cancelled (cause she could totally defend herself. she's a girlboss, she doesn't need a man to do it for her). grayson stood up, grabbed avery, said the nastiest things to the guy, and left. avery was really uncomfortable after the whole fiasco and had a panic attack. grayson hugged her through it.

avery loves sushi (i mentioned this in my avery hc post) so when the foundation is holding a meeting, grayson will bring her some and they'll share it

vogue once requested they do a photoshoot together. fans thought they looked so hot (not together tho but individually, averyjameson stans rise)

every year, on avery's mother's death anniversary, grayson buys her flowers to cheer her up

sometimes she asks gray for relationship advice regarding jamie (he always helps)

i mentioned this in my jamie/gray hc post (i believe), but grayson loves taking pics of avery and giving them to jamie

grayson feels most comforable venting to avery about his issues bc he feels like she really truly listens without immediately trying to give him advice (he likes talking to nash too for the same reason)

gray is always telling avery all of jamie's secrets

in another post, i said he'd be averyjameson's wedding photographer, in another (or the same one) he would be jamie's best man, but i also think he could be the officiator (multitasking king)

gray and avery go on walks together to get pics for their shared insta account i mentioned earlier

whenever gray feels like taking about emily (extremely rare), he goes to avery cause she didn't know her and wouldn't be afraid to point out all of her shit (gray appreciates that she states what's on her mind. he doesn't like when people lie, or keep the truth from him)

gray books her spa appointments for her to actually take a moment and take care of herself

gray loves hearing about her life before she inherited the money (he admires her strength)

whenever someone is mean to xander, grayson and avery (and max) absolutely destroy them (honestly the entire family does, no one hurts xander and gets away with it)

speaking of the spa appointment for avery, sometimes he joins her

grayson loves skincare and introduced it to her properly. they now sometimes do it together.

avery gives gray relationship advice (this dude is afraid of ruinning everything so he runs to her at any minor inconvenience)

sometimes avery falls asleep in their shared office (they have one to discuss things about the foundation) and gray brings her a blanket (sometimes he calls jamie to carry her to their bedroom)

grayson loves to talk about the romance books he reads to her.

#i wish emily would come back to life just so i could kill her myself. who wants to join me?#the inheritance games #the hawthorne legacy #the final gambit #grayson hawthorne #avery grambs #maxine liu #xander hawthorne #nash hawthorne #jameson hawthorne

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dojunie · 11 months

Text

MESSENGER, HRJ [PT 8: SHH!]

➥ PART 8 OF MESSENGER; a small smau about a stranger, a whole lot of animal pics, and a relationship you would never have expected to come from texting a random number written on a public bathroom mirror.

➥ WC: 3.4K

[PREVIOUS PART] [INFO/MASTERLIST] [NEXT PART]

a/n: double update AGAIN bc i took forever to update 🤠

current tl: @matchahyuck @theboyz-jacob @hoeshi17 @neoteez01 @hibernatinghamster @luvvsnae @shwizhies @skynightgalaxy @ihrtnyu @kunvibing @liliansun @txpxwxk @is4b3ll3s @rxnexxi @rum-gone-why @she-is-dreaming @chenfleur @haedgaff @twogyuu @jeongintwt @rinrinslovebot

RENJUN HAS NEVER WANTED TO STRANGLE SOMEONE MORE THAN HE DOES RIGHT NOW.

There were almost tangible beams of heat drilling into the side of Donghyuck’s head as Renjun glared at him from across the table, while the man in question smiled and flirted and chatted with his girlfriend like absolutely nothing was amiss. Birds were chirping. The sun was shining. There wasn’t a single cloud in the sky, and students were wandering around in the quad outside without a care in the world—

—And yet, he still felt like he was seconds away from being executed.

Had Renjun’s mind not already been obliterated from the test he’d just taken in his last class, he might’ve been more suspicious of Donghyuck’s text. Because Lee Donghyuck? Asking him if he was free to study? On a Friday?

However, a few hours of studying simply didn’t sound too bad after just barely escaping English Lit with his average intact, which meant he didn’t smell the blood in the water until it was too late— when he’d stumbled upon the rather quiet corner that Donghyuck told him to head towards instead of their usual spot on the first floor. (And this should have been another clue, as Hyuck has only ever wanted to study near the vending machines on the rare occasions Renjun could convince him to open a book, but like any normal human being, he wasn’t thinking that this random change in scenery would lead to this.)

He rounded the corner, saw Donghyuck, saw Doyeon, and then saw you, and instantly felt like he'd just walked into the universe's idea of cruel joke.

Why? Well. Because the only logical solution after realizing how badly he'd fucked up by not immediately telling you who he was after the volleyball game— the double life he’d accidentally started by being too embarrassed to tell you in fear of… everything, really— had been to just... never see you again.

As stupid as it sounds, like some plot from a teen movie, it was the only thing he could think to do that wouldn't make things worse.

Renjun would quicker die than tell you this, but he'd gotten used to you. He'd grown familiar with always having you in his head, accustomed to your endless exclamations, used to how his mood would shift for the better every time your message bubble appeared on his screen— and the idea of losing you because of something so stupid made his stomach squirm like nothing he'd ever felt before. To keep you in his life as Duckboy he'd have to stay out of your way as Renjun, and if those were the stakes then he'd take his chances.

He'd just avoid you like the plague. That was fine. He could do that.

(Since he's never seen you in real life before this week, it probably won't even be that hard, he thought. Right?)

Right.

Hence the reason his heart just about exploded in his chest when he saw you sitting in this library seat.

A few minutes have passed since then, original panic ebbing into tightly-wound stress as the seconds ticked by with you not even a foot away from him.

He initially thought that if he just acted really serious about studying, you might keep your distance. If he glued his nose to his textbook and said nothing, pretended you weren’t there, entirely at the expense of looking like an uptight dork but hopefully putting you off from wanting anything to do with him— he might get out of this unscathed.

He felt you looking at him. He’d even caught you nearly say something to him once, watching you open your mouth out of the corner of his eye, before you thought better of it and slouched back down in your seat, frowning.

For a while it worked. But as he honestly should’ve known about you by now, if your messages were anything to go by— your curiosity could only be so subdued.

“What course is that for?”

You leaned into Renjun’s side of the table.

He tore his eyes away from the textbook he wasn’t focusing on to look at you, and is wholly embarrassed by how easily his indifferent facade cracks.

The worst part of it all is knowing that if he wasn't such a coward, you might've been halfway to being friends by now. Maybe this would have been it. But instead he set himself up for this: You, sitting at his side, asking him questions and talking to him and entwining yourself further and further into his space with the obvious intent of getting to know him better, without the slightest idea that you already knew him. You know where he was born. You know his hobbies, his favorite animals and least favorite foods; you know about the difficulties he has with brother, and because it’s easier to tell things to strangers on the internet, you know things about him that not even his own family knows.

Except you don’t really feel like a stranger to him anymore.

“I can’t recognize like half the words on that page. This is math, right?”

“Applied Statistics,” he replied feebly.

There were some things that couldn't be translated through a phone, though. Like the clear lilt of your voice without the tin of a receiver. How much you seem to fidget; biting pen caps, tapping the table with your fingers, bouncing the balls of your feet against the carpeted floor. Your lack of respect for personal space. He’s hit by a blast of your shampoo or perfume (Honey, like you told him you put in your tea? Vanilla?) as you bow your head closer to oogle at his side of the table.

“Have you ever seen the Davinci Code?" you asked. "All that equation gibberish that was floating around the Mona Lisa in that really, really, ridiculously long monologue scene near the beginning?”

He has never seen the Davinci Code. He nods anyway.

“This looks like that. You actually understand this stuff?”

“It’s an advanced course,” Donghyuck cut in suddenly. Both you and Renjun turn to look at him; you in interest, he, with irritation hastily returning. “You have to take a test to even get a chance to take that class because it counts for like, three math credits, instead of the one like the rest of us losers have to contend with. Renjun here is pretty smart, you know?”

Fuck off, he wanted to bite— but then you hummed and nodded beside him like this made sense, and he temporarily forgot his venom.

“Probably why I haven’t seen you around,” you told him casually. “I don’t tend to attract people with more than two brain cells to rub together, if not already obvious by my friendship with these two.”

Doyeon gasped and reached across the table to swat at you, and you flung yourself closer to Renjun to get out of her reach. You’re giggling brightly as you begin to bicker with her, the same laugh that’s been swirling around in his mind since that night you called him— and again, his irritation slips away at the familiar sound. Though, instead of it being recouped by the slushy feeling he usually got when he thought about your laugh— he’s struck by even more guilt.

The only reason Renjun already knows what you sound like is because you called Duckboy that night.

The reason he’s so sure he’s smelling honey and vanilla is because you told Duckboy that those were your favorite scents.

The reason he knows that math isn’t your strong suit isn’t because you just told Renjun that you find it hard— it’s because you told Duckboy a few days ago that you flunked two math courses in your freshman year, and that it really knocked the wind out of your sails. It was something you told him in sincerity, the first time he’d ever noticed a waver in your usually boisterously confident persona and the sheepish way you brought him a little closer; how Renjun had to fight to keep from grinning when you got flustered afterwards and made him promise not to make fun of you for it.

‘I only tell people that I really trust about that,’ you’d texted him later, ‘So don’t go around making me regret it!!!’

And now he was repaying your sincerity by lying straight to your face. If that wasn’t grounds for regret, he didn’t know what was.

His stomach was in knots by the time he was snapped out of it, to the sound of Donghyuck’s muffled wailing. Muffled because Doyeon’s hand is clamped over his mouth, the girlfriend in question staring at him, wide eyed, as if he’s just done something awfully stupid— and judging by the pinched look on your face as Renjun chanced a glance at you, he might not have been too far off.

“Kim Doyeon,” you whispered, betrayed.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry— Shit, I thought you were kidding! Was your little phone-rendezvous seriously supposed to be a secret?”

What? Renjun lost the plot. He has no idea where the conversation has gone. Donghyuck manages to wrangle Doyeon’s hands from his mouth, enough for him to gasp a needed breath, and then out comes a howl that echoes throughout the high ceilings of the SNU Technical Library.

“You have a cyber-boyfriend?”

Turns out that the corner that Donghyuck picked for his study session was not nearly as secluded and confined and soundproof as you all thought. Ten seconds later and you were being run out of the library by the little, hawkish, very red in the face floor attendant. Twenty seconds later, poor Renjun has somehow ended up saddled with Donghyuck’s bag as you and Doyeon chase him around the front steps of the building, shouting obscenities over his lack of decorum— and another twenty seconds later the four of you are walking back to the dormitory block, Donghyuck’s ears pinched pink and the conversation having shifted back to normalcy.

You hadn’t really been planning to study today. You honestly hadn’t been planning to do much of anything really, besides vedge out in your dorm room with a bag of frozen peas on your ribs (courtesy of Duckboy’s quick thinking, though you’d never tell him that) since only two short days have passed since the game and you were still plenty sore.

But Doyeon, in her text, had offhandedly mentioned that this Renjun guy would be coming, and your sudden openness to cracking open a book surprised the both of you. She, because the last time you willingly agreed to study with her and Donghyuck was… Never, and you because you weren’t expecting the mere idea of seeing Hyuck’s friend again to make studying sound like less like torture.

You’d be lying if you said your mind hasn’t run across him since the game. Nothing nefarious, of course. Just vague curiosity. Interest. Mostly around how, with a face as cute as his, it was possible you’d never noticed him around campus before; or just why the hell he’d been acting so weird when you met. Plus other innocent questions, like what he got up to in his free time if he was allegedly as reclusive as Donghyuck had joked. Like if he read books. Or played an instrument.

Or if he had a girlfriend.

(You know. Completely harmless things like that.)

Then he’d appeared in the library corner a little bit after you’d gotten there, looking properly studious in his little denim jacket, books huffed up under his arm and bag slung over his shoulder— but also just as stiff and sickly as he’d been upon seeing you a few nights ago.

It was like your mere presence put him on edge but you had no idea why, and this little study session confirmed that it wasn’t just a first-meeting-jitters thing. He didn’t seem to relax for a single second back there at the study table, and pondering the list of possibilities began to drive you a little crazy.

(Did you smell bad? It couldn’t be. You’d showered before you left your room, and even spritzed an extra burst of your honey chamomile perfume since you knew you’d be in close proximity to him today. Were you too pushy? Hopefully not— you’d been trying your damnedest to be on good behavior, only asking the most mundane of questions to hold yourself back from voicing any thought that grazed your brain like you usually did with potential friends; and he’d been responding in kind. He wasn’t weird around girls, since he seemed to talk to Doyeon just fine— So what’s the deal?)

You didn’t get any closer to answering that question like you’d hoped you would before the session was over, but that was no matter. All today had done was cement in your brain that, whether he was just a natural introvert or if it really was something about you that ticked him the odd way— you’d die before you gave up on figuring it out.

Maybe a little dramatic. But that’s just how much you hated being left in the dark.

After Donghyuck had gotten you all kicked out of the library (and you’d socked him good for the ‘cyber-boyfriend’ comment), the consensus had been to just call it quits on studying for the day. Fine with you. You didn’t mind an hour to kill before practice, anyway.

You’ve ended up beside Renjun again as the four of you wandered down the path that led you back to student housing. Hyuck and Doyeon were a few steps ahead, mumbling about something you weren’t quite close enough to hear, until Doyeon cursed.

“Of course I would remember now,” she whined. It was only when she stopped to turn, eyebrows knit as she found your face, that you even realized she was talking to you. “Statistics. Statistics. That’s what I was forgetting to tell you in the library. I got a text from Guyeon a few hours ago complaining about a pop quiz that her statistics professor set on her this morning, and I remembered you two were taking the same course but on different days— the whole reason I even asked you if you were free to study with us today was to tell you that so you could prepare.”

“Statistics?” you echoed. “Like… Stats 204? Professor Yubin’s Stats 204?”

She winced, damning confirmation, and when it finally hit you almost gasped aloud. You have a pop quiz tomorrow?

“So?” Donghyuck asked. “Just study for it tonight? Aren’t you free for the rest of the day?”

“No, dipshit,” you hissed, dread steadily rising, “Considering that your girlfriend is the captain of the team, you should already know that Doyeon and I have practice in an hour that doesn’t end until six! Not to mention that studying doesn’t really help when you barely understand the material in the first place—”

“Aren’t his quizzes pretty short though?” Renjun asked quietly.

It was obvious that he wasn’t expecting any of you to hear him, from the way he froze when all three of your heads whirled in his direction, but you did. You heard him loud and clear.

“What was that?” you asked quickly. His face seemed to pale three shades at the sudden intensity of your stare.

“Have you… Taken? Statistics 204 before?”

“Uh—I… Yes? But it was in freshman year, I mean, it was a while ago—”

“But you took it,” Donghyuck interrupted, voice suddenly very, very pointed. You glanced at him. Hyuck’s face was now the perfect picture of interest, a carefully neat and somehow still nefarious grin tugging at his lips. “Right, Jun? And like I said, Y/N, Renjun here is a real star when it comes to numbers. Did I already tell you he has a 4.0 too? That he was a tutor last year?”

Your eyes widened further. He was a tutor? He was that smart?

Foolishly you asked in what subject, knowing the answer wouldn’t sway your sudden bubbling desperation either way, but you felt it right to ask— and Donghyuck’s smile only widened further.

“Math.”

“I stopped tutoring though,” Renjun blurted quickly, as if only now realizing where this was going, and you turned back to him to catch his expression morphing into clear alarm. “I only did it for a few months because the STEM board asked me to fill in a spot, I’m not any authority or anything—”

“The school asked you to tutor people?”

“I feel like that should make you a very big authority,” Doyeon chimed. “Maybe the biggest authority, actually.”

“Well shit,” Donghyuck said cheerily. “And aren’t you free for the rest of the day, Renjun? Isn’t that just the craziest coincidence that Y/N could use a study buddy tonight?”

And for the first time in the very short amount of hours you’ve known this guy, as Renjun whirled to look at Donghyuck, you saw a cast on his face that wasn’t vague discomfort or straight up horror. It was a look you didn’t even know Renjun’s face could make— and the pure, burning disdain written all over his features was enough to snap you out of your blind hope.

His expression couldn’t be any clearer; Renjun did not want to be volunteered.

Which… duh, you suppose in hindsight. If he couldn’t even sit next to you in the library without looking like he was waiting to exploded, then what type of torture would it be to study with you alone? Sure, you were desperate for any chance to not fail this quiz, but the last thing you wanted to do was force the guy into your space when he obviously wasn’t too sure about you yet. Ideally, you wanted to win him over naturally. Not through Donghyuck’s odd meddling.

Before Donhyuck could say anything and make it worse, you shook your head and forced as big a smile as you could manage.

“That’s alright,” you said, casually waving a dismissive hand, “I got it. I, uh… I have another friend who can help me out, anyway— I’d hate to spring something on someone so last minute!”

You felt Doyeon’s pointed eyes on the side of your face, narrowed in obvious disbelief— because you were lying through your teeth and she knew that you had no friends who were taking Stat 204 this semester, much less any who’d ever volunteer to help you study on a Friday night— but instead of acknowledging her suspicion, you avoided her gaze altogether and restarted the walk back to the dorms.

“What?” Hyuck whined belatedly. He stared at you as if he couldn’t believe whatever he was scheming didn’t work. “But— But Renjun is literally—”

“Forget it,” you interrupted. “I have no interest in taking up his night with the hell that is reversed variables. Doyeon and I have to be at practice soon and I still want to eat, so can we get a move on?”

This thankfully seemed to be the end of the conversation, even if Donghyuck was huffing and puffing the whole way back to the dorms; Doyeon next to you now since your sudden speed walking had shifted you to the front. You knew she had things to say about all of that but you kept your eyes forward. (It wasn’t like she wasn’t going to have an entire afternoon to interrogate you in the gym during practice, anyway. God.)

The two boys paused on the pathway as you and Doyeon branched off towards your own building, Donghyuck making all sorts of crying noises and loud declarations of love as Doyeon walked on and tried to look annoyed about it (clearly failing, if the pink in her ears was anything to go by), while Renjun just stared off after you like the entire weight of the world was on his shoulders.

Almost as if realizing he was being odd again he rebooted, blinking it out of his eyes and nodding you goodbye in proper quiet fashion, you couldn’t find it in yourself to be too off put by it.

(Mostly because his lip pulled into the tiniest smile as he waved, and the sight of it was cute enough to make you forget. What can you say? You’re a simple girl.)

If it turned out that there really was a reason for how curious he was being, you were sure you’d figure it out soon enough. You were rather good and sleuthing out secrets— and Renjun was the most intriguing puzzle you’d come across in a long time.

[PREVIOUS PART] [INFO/MASTERLIST] [NEXT PART]

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stevethehairington · 1 year

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If someone did a modern or "old" steddie, who would have the goofy/sleeping phone background and who would have a joint selfie/cropped version of one where the other looks particularly good? Or do you think neither would do that and they'd just have a special interest for it instead?

This is absolutely inspired by the fact that my datemate has a cropped version of a selfie they say I look really handsome in as her background and I have a (consensually taken) pic of them sleeping in one of my band tees as mine

OLDER STEDDIE MY BELOVEDS <333

omg but this is such a fun question!! it also has made me really think bc h o n e s t l y i could see them BOTH doing BOTH options here lol.

like, i absolutely could see steve having a photo of eddie like totally pretzeled up in the most uncomfortable looking position on some armchair, with his neck bent awkwardly and his legs splayed out and arms tucked under his armpits because somehow that man can fall asleep anywhere in any position at any time if he's tired enough, and in this particular photo maybe he's just gotten back from a show at the hideout (or if you subscribe to the corroded coffin makes it big and eddie becomes a hotshot rockstar hc then in their tourbus/hotel after a show or he's just gotten home from tour). his hair's a mess and his mouth hangs open and he's drooling a little maybe and he's definitely snoring (because the older they've gotten, the more common snoring has gotten in their bedroom lol).

and then eddie absolutely has a photo of him and steve as his phone background. maybe it's taken when they went on vacation to the beach and the waves are crashing in the distance behind them, a couple of palm trees too; or maybe it's the two of them decked out in their hiking gear (because steve loves to hike, and eddie loves steve) from that time they climbed to the top of the mountain so they could catch the sunrise at the peak; or maybe it's the two of them tucked up in bed, wrapped in each other's arms and basking in the afterglow, hair messy and cheeks pink but eyes sparkling and smiles so big and so genuine. whatever it is, wherever it is, the photo is one where the camera's probably a little bit too close to their faces, and their heads are bent together, cheeks smushed against one another's so they both fit into the frame. maybe they're both wearing matching grins, the happiest they've ever been. maybe steve is kissing eddie's cheek oh so sweetly. maybe eddie's licking steve's cheek like the menace he is, while steve scrunches his nose in shocked faux disgust. maybe they're looking into each other's eyes, tips of their noses pressed together, so in love. maybe they're kissing. no matter the pose, it's definitely a little blurry because whoever was taking the photo (eddie) was too eager to catch the photo to worry about making sure it was perfect, but that adds to the charm.

that being said, i could also TOTALLY see it the other way around too!! steve with the adorably sappy photo of the two of them together - maybe a photo robin took of them at the pool, eddie up on steve's shoulders flashing a thumbs up and steve holding onto his ankles smiling wide, dustin and lucas in the background waiting for their game of chicken to begin. maybe it's the two of them sitting around a campfire with smores ingredients strewn around them and marshmallows on sticks in hand, eddie's got chocolate staining his mouth and steve's got a streak of gooey marshmallow on his cheek. maybe it's the two of them sitting on the porch of their home, the one they made together, wrapped around one another on their cozy little swing while the sun sets in the distance.

and if that's steve's backgound, then that means eddie has the photo of steve looking totally silly. maybe one of him with some of his hair pulled back into one of those teeny tiny little ponytails at the top of his head, the rest curling around his neck, a terrycloth headband pulling it away from his face that's covered in some green goop (one of robin's famous homemade facemasks that she (and steve) swears by), his cheeks are puffed up and he's pulling at his ears like a monkey and there's mirth in his eyes and eddie was laughing as he took the photo so it's a little shaky, but steve looks so funny and so cute that eddie had to make it his lockscreen. or maybe it's a photo eddie caught of steve right before he was about to sneeze. his face was all screwed up, eyes wide and mouth hanging open, with that silly mustache he'd been soooo gung ho about growing right there on his top lip that just added to how ridiculous the photo looks. steve had begged eddie to delete the photo, but eddie refused, going so far as to set it as his lockscreen so that he, and the rest of the world, could be reminded that underneath it all, steve harrington was just as funny looking as the rest of them.

#asks #anonymous #steddie #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #mack writes #macks ficlets

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billdecker · 8 months

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So it's after 6am and I've had barely any sleep because my mind is racing so here's why my party went to shit. Hopefully getting this out somewhere will make me feel better. I'm sorry this is so long.

It started off feeling a bit ahhhh because my dress was a scratchy sensory nightmare. I also wore make-up. I never wear make-up because I hate how it feels on my skin so I was already feeling a bit horrible. So i changed out of my dress and felt a bit better.

Also, I invited my sister and she never showed up. I asked her to just pop in for an hour because she deserves a break (my eldest niece is going through some terrible puberty emotional stuff; been expelled from school; sister has a very misogynistic bf who does nothing to help her in the house so she's balancing everything and close to breakdown herself). So I felt upset about that but got over it and I completely understood why. It's a good job she didn't come along after all.

Things changed when alcohol happened (obvs). We had a couple of drinks and were singing along to some angry 90s girly pop and I felt really happy. I decided I didn't want any more drink for a while which BFF didn't like and kept trying to pressure me to drink more. I think that's when I started to kinda disconnect??

Anyway, she then spent wayyyyy over an hour (probably two hours tbh) just talking to my husband about her boyfriend. Telling D her bf's entire life story including really intimate details. Her bf is a musician in his spare time and he's currently working on an album. She wanted to end my playlist so we could listen to his youtube back catalogue of black metal songs. D is an expert on dealing with people who have drunk a lot (sadly; his dad was an alcoholic) so he was kinda handling all of this while I was sitting there feeling like a billy no mates at my own party. Honestly, she didn't look at me once. I'm sitting on the other settee on the other side of the room like that fucking John Travolta staring around meme.

Then when she did involve me (like, over an hour later) she starts comments about mine and D's intimate life and she's showing me all of these photos she's taken of me and saying how sexy I look in them all and I have to change them to my profile pic. I did not look great in them. I hated every single photo. Then she grabs the glowstick dick (this is a long story, it's a tradition that we make a dick out of glowsticks when we meet up) and starts rubbing it against me telling me to do stuff to the dick and pretend it's D, and if I don't wanna pretend it's D then pretend it's a couple of the men I've talked to online. I used to chat to blokes online for a bit of fun. D knew about it and never had a problem with it. It was all consensual fun stuff. I told her in confidence and didn't expect it to be brought up. I was just slowly feeling humiliated. By this point she's drunk a bottle and a half of rum (I KNOW. I only got the second bottle in bc I'd had the first for a while, sealed, but was worried about it) and I've had three drinks that I've slowly sipped over five or so hours so I'm still very sober. But I could feel myself spiralling. Like, my social battery is running out and I can't socially mask any longer so I said I was going to sit in the bedroom for five minutes because it's cooler and I'm gonna take off my make-up.

And I knew right then I just won't be able to go for the tattoo on Thursday. I don't have enough social energy left to do it. My mood has only started to get better after getting pierced. I know my own limits and I know I can't do it. Thankfully my other BFF is on the other end of Whatsapp. She's wise and really helps me to put things in a logic way when I'm spiralling. So she said to just be firm and say I'm going to bed because I'm tired and I need some rest.

So when I calmed down I did that and I thought I'd be honest about not being able to go to get the tattoo. Then things just got worse. She started saying I have to go and get it; that she, D, and my dad will practically drag me outside to do it. That we can make a whole day of it by visiting the park and then the pub (this is literally the worst thing I can do). And I'm trying to be firm and assertive and not mask and lay down my boundaries. I said no, I can't do it. I know a couple of days before I need to do something if I can do it or not. Like when I've been to the dentist or I got pierced, I might have been an anxious wreck but I knew deep down inside that I could do it. I know I can't do this. My mind won't change. She started arguing that I'll feel different on Thursday and I'm letting myself down (the other worst thing to say to me). She starts saying we should get some more rum tomorrow and have the party again because I've ended it early and it's not a proper party. Also that if I'm still drunk I'll get through the tattoo easier (wtf no). And I'm no fun, and I've been planning this for a year only to end it early by basically being a boring old fart.

By this point, I'm crying. I'm sitting there feeling like I'm being told off by my mum. She's saying all the stuff my mum would when I'd have a meltdown about having to go to family parties or if I just didn't want to go sit outside. BFF is completely ratarsed just having a go at me. She hasn't even noticed I'm crying. So I just stood and announced I was going to bed. I texted D from the bedroom to ask him if he could tidy up all of the buffet food and decorations. I lay on the bed and just silently sobbed until I kinda passed out.

I woke up when D came to bed and then I cried some more. I asked if she'd said anything about the tattoo or me coming to bed and she said she wanted to hatch a plan with him to force me to go outside. Then she started to talk more about her bf and their life and stuff that made D feel very uncomfortable. I'm going to have to do something nice for D or buy him something nice as a thank you for dealing with it all like an absolute pro. I cried into him and then had a really good chat with my other BFF about everything which made me feel better. I thought maybe I'd feel better after some sleep and I do, but in the way that it's just given me even more clarity that I definitely can go do on Thursday. My mood is still terrible and all I want to do is cry.

Tbh I just wanna stay in my room. She's here til Friday and I don't know how I'm gonna face her. D is going to cancel the tattoo for me later today and say I have covid. I might reschedule at some point and get a different tattoo just for me to celebrate my birthday. I'm so mentally drained I don't know how I'm going to get through my actual birthday on Saturday. I wanted to visit my parents but I can't even see myself leaving the flat. I feel crushed tbh. I hadn't seen her for five years. She hasn't changed. She's always been this loud and gone on and on about the men she's seeing (on my wedding day she spent 12 hours on myspace chatting to a boy she fancied, so she has form) but I think since realising I'm potentially autistic, my understanding of my behaviours has changed so I have boundaries now to prevent further mental breakdowns being worse in the long run. So I've really changed. I'm not just willingly going along with shit. I don't want to mask and I don't want to people please.

If you read this, thank you. She's here til Friday and I don't know how I'm gonna get through it because now I just wanna stay in bed, watch comfort TV, and do some work on my writing. I'm 40 years old in three days time. I'm too old for this sort of stuff to be happening. This stuff is shit that should happen 20 years ago. I just wanted a cute day where I listened to all of my favourite songs, had a beige buffet, and it was all good vibes.

Thank you all for your very sweet comments too. I kept coming to check on here to give my anxious hands something to do and reading them really made me smile while all of this stuff was going down. I have some of the best followers xxxx

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