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blackwolfstabs · 6 months

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30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 18

LETTER

Sam wrote a letter to Tara before she left for 5 years.

the timeline for Scream V & Scream VI is messed up, so i'm considering the year by doing math from Sam's birth year: 1997. when she turned 18, it would've been 2015, even though Scream V took place in 2022, which would've had Sam be gone for 7 years instead of 5 but whatever.

May 19, 2015

My dearest Tara,

You know that I love you. I’ve loved you, ever since I first laid eyes on you. I was only 5 years-old when you were born, yet I remember every detail. It was the best moment of my life. It still is. I love you more than words on Earth can describe.

But I’m so sorry. No matter how hard I try to fight it, I can’t help but feel that I have to leave.

Know that I tried very hard to stay.

I��m so sorry for the pain I’ve caused you over the years. I know I changed. Let’s just say that I grew up faster than I was supposed to. But it was never your fault, so don’t blame yourself, okay? I made a mistake that I shouldn’t have made. I knew better. Much better than to do what I did, but now I can’t take it back. I made the wrong choice, and I will be eternally damned because of it. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. Some things just aren’t meant to last forever. Dad wasn’t meant to last with Mom, and I’m not meant to last with you. But understand that my love for you will last, forevermore.

Please do not cry or feel sad for me. It won’t hurt for too long. You’re growing up, which means my job as your big sister has come to an end. I think of all the days you’ve known, all the ways you’ve grown. Tara, I couldn’t not be more proud of you. The life I had as your big sister—holding you, reading to you, playing with you, teaching you, laughing with you, crying with you, I could go on and on—was worth all of my existence, and I would do it a thousand times over again, if only I could stay with you. I pray that you’re able to open your heart to another, who can take care of you as I have done and promise forever.

Thank you for the time we had together. I’ve never felt so loved, and no one in this world will ever love me more. Yes, we’re sisters. We fought and tattled on each other. We got on each other’s nerves and even resented each other, as siblings do without truly knowing what it is to hate or not want each other around. But you were my everything. You made me laugh, you made my cry, you made me strong, you made me weak. You made me feel like there was no one else in the world besides you and me. It was us against the world. Oh, how I wish that could have lasted longer.

I don’t want to live without you, so my heart is broken, but I’m able to smile, knowing you’ll be much better with me out of your life. Mom will be better. She won’t be angry anymore. It will bring her peace, and therefore, you will find peace as well. Smile that gorgeous smile, and live in the light. Please, promise me you’ll never lose that smile. It could light up all of the world, if given the chance. It’s too precious to be lost. Enjoy your friends, follow your dreams, and become anything and everything you want to be. You can do it, I know you can. You remember when you used to talk in 3rd person? I would have something and you would point to it and say “that’s Tara’s”. Go point to the world, baby girl. That’s Tara’s. Go change it. Go make it yours. The world is Tara’s, and I’m so honored to have been able to be a part of it.

Please, my love, please live. I beg you. Live for the life ahead of you. You are going to do so many amazing things, and I can only hope that when every one of those times come, somehow, I’ll know.

I wish I could hold you one more time and tell you how much I love you. Your love has given me so much happiness and purpose. I can never thank you enough for that. My heart will always belong to you, no matter how far away I am, and if this world is truly beautiful, may you and I find each other in the next life.

I will miss you with every beat of my heart. I love you, and I always will.

Live well. Stay safe. Be happy.

Goodbye.

— Sam

The teardrops that fell from her eyes dampened the paper, right next to where she signed her name. It was 5:30 AM. The whole house was dark and quiet. Sam folded the letter up and covered her mouth to muffle the sobs she couldn’t hold back as she left her room. She couldn’t bear looking at Tara’s bedroom door, when passing it in the hallway, the countless memories they’d spent in and out of there hitting her like lightning.

She made it down the stairs and slipped it into Tara’s backpack that sat by the front door.

This was it. Once she walked out that door, what was done was done. There was no going back.

And she did, squeezing the straps of her own backpack to keep herself from running back inside.

‘Don’t turn around. Don’t turn around.’

She played that mantra on repeat as she stalked the pre-dawn streets, alone. Where was she going? Anywhere she could get away from what lived inside of her. What she would spend forever trying to outrun…

She was going where no one would know the blood spilled behind her name.

The letter she’d just written haunted her, making her imagine all the different ways her baby sister might take it when she read it. All she could hope for was that she would understand. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe someday…

But what she never knew was that the letter would never make it to Tara’s eyes. In fact, she would never even know it had been written in the first place.

Christina found it minutes after Sam left.

And she ripped it up.

i cried for 30 minutes after writing this. seriously, i was sobbing, and i couldn't stop. Sam and Tara just run way too deep with me, i swear.

special thanks to "Happy/Sad" from The Addams Family, performed by Nathan Lane & kaelyngray on AO3.

All my best ♡ - parker

#scream #scream v #scream vi #sam carpenter #tara carpenter #carpenter sisters #christina carpenter #ao3 author #ao3 #ao3 writer #ao3 fanfic #30 day writing challenge #letter #AU: The Way I Am

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ironmanfridgemagnet · 2 years

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One Doodle That Can't Be Undid Homeskillet

Jonah Simms x Reader ,, Garrett McNeill x Reader (Platonic)

"I was thinking like jonah and garrets bestie reader gets heavy baby fever after Cheyenne gives birth and she just tells them both "i want a baby too" and they brush it off thinking she isnt serious but then she keeps mentioning it and then one of them sits her down and asks if that's what she really wants and then reader gets pregnant and she is so happy!"

Word count: 1.9k

Requested by Anon <3

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"I want a baby." You whined, stacking toilet paper with Jonah into a large pyramid shape. Though it wasn't the way Cloud 9 policy recommended, you had found it to be far more stable and efficient.

"You what? Why are you telling me this?" Jonah asked, looking up at you from where he was crouched down, reaching into the box of toilet paper and passing them up to you one at a time.

"It's just, Harmonica is so cute. I want a cute, little baby. Not any time soon at least; just seeing Cheyenne with such a precious baby in her arms, made me want one." You explained, carefully placing the toilet rolls Jonah passed to you onto the pyramid, making sure the display didn't topple over as you stacked it high.

"Hmm. Sounds like baby fever." Garrett suggested, suddenly appearing behind you, startling you so that you pushed too hard against the toilet paper pyramid and sending it crashing to the ground. With a deep sigh, you bent down, picking up as many rolls as you could and beginning to rebuild the display.

"It's a real thing." Jonah added, helping you to rebuild the structure so that you could move on sooner rather than later to something else you needed to do within the store. "I read an article about it. Typically, when men and women come into contact with babies the influx of emotions from being around a it can spark their instincts to reproduce."

"When you say it like that J, all science-y, it sounds less appealing." You and Garret let out short laughs, unsurprised by Jonah's all-knowing ability to come in useful on even the most mundane of topics.

"Where'd you even read that? Twitter?" Garrett teased, knowing that Jonah had a tendency to regurgitate everything and anything he read online into one conversation or another. "The times?"

"Actually, discover magazine." Jonah quipped, happy that Garrett hadn't been able to call out the super he had got his information from this time. Stacking the final tier of toilet paper, you took a step back, taking in your hard-worked display in all its glory.

"Well, whatever it is, I'm sure it'll pass." You hummed idly to yourself, adjusting one of the parts of toilet roll, before stepping back and finally being happy with how the display looked. "Anyone want to split a pizza for lunch?"

"I'm down."

————————————————————————

Oh how wrong you were. The 'baby fever' as your boys had dubbed it, didn't pass. In fact, it seemed to grow stronger and stronger with every day that passed.

"I don't get why you want a crying, screaming, pooping baby y/n. Babies are hard work." Amy slouched down into her seat, her eyes fighting to stay open as she blew on her cup of coffee, hoping to cool it slightly.

"Ames." You whined, stirring your sweetener into your morning coffee absentmindedly. "I was hoping you'd understand. Have you never sat there and though 'I really want a baby'?"

"Well, of course!" She cheered, encouraging your dwindling thoughts once more, sparking a whirlwind that consumed your mind. "But then I had them - and as much as I love them, some days, you find it so hard you question if it was all worth it. And it is - It's just hard."

"Very insightful Ames." You chided, taking a long sip of you still-warm drink, looking at Amy across the brim of your mug. "But I'm still not convinced."

"Well, I can't say I tried." Amy laughed, rolling her eyes at your antics - of course once you'd set your mind on something, you'd not back down. You were stubborn yet determined, sometimes to a fault, but it's something she often admired in you; you didn't back down from what you wanted.

————————————————————————

"You think she's still serious about this? The whole baby thing?" Garrett asked, leaning closer to Jonah so he could hear him as they watched you stocking childcare; every bottle and blanket you picked up being handled with the upmost care.

It had been weeks since your conversation with Amy and months since Harmonica had been born, and the 'baby fever' you had claimed would pass, seemed more prevalent then ever. Jonah had since deemed that you were serious about having a baby - whether you had come to terms with it or not yourself - but Garrett wasn't quite convinced.

"I'm telling you, if she's not pregnant yet, she will be. She's not stopped fawning over babies and everything about them since Harmonica was born." Jonah explained, though Garrett just scoffed at the thought, he couldn't imagine you still being hung up on something so small. Not for this long anyway. "Look watch this. Hey y/n!"

Jonah walked over to you, picking up a pale yellow pair of soft, cotton dungarees - covered in tiny embroidered daisies and with white, heart shaped buttons. "Isn't this the cutest thing you've ever seen?"

"It's beautiful J." You replied, reaching out to feel the material of the tiny outfit between your fingertips. "Soft too."

"It would look so cute on a little one. One with your eyes as well; it would really make them pop." Jonah complimented, his eyes flickering between you and Garrett - as though to tell him that he was right.

"You really think so?" you fawned over Jonah's words, gently pulling the material from his hands and running your fingers along the stitching. After realising that you'd spent just a moment too long looking at the clothes, you shoved it back onto the rack, becoming slightly flustered. "I've got to go."

Leaving Jonah and Garrett behind to finish what you should've stocked, you rushed off into the store, slightly embarrassed by your infatuation with the outfit and how clearly you'd shown that to Jonah and Garrett.

You would get over your 'baby fever' you were sure of it.

————————————————————————

"This feels like an interrogation." You muttered, sipping on the milkshake Jonah had bought for you at you and Garrett's insistence.

"Pretty much is." Garrett confirmed, taking a bite into his grilled cheese that he had bought from the stores deli, against the idea of using his lunch break to ask you about your 'baby fever.'

"Well, we just want you to know that we love you and want what's best for you." Jonah began, your face palling slightly at the seriousness of his words; had something happened? Did they know something you didn't? Of all the things running through your mind, you hadn't thought of what they'd decided was important enough to bring up. "And if that's you wanting a baby, we'll be their to support it."

"He will. I said nothing about supporting a baby." At Jonah's sharp look, Garrett held up his hands defensively. "I'm joking, I will support you doll."

"Just not financially."

"What he means," Jonah continued harshly, unamused by Garrett's usually charming, comedic tone - though you and Garrett stifled quite giggles at his words. "Is that no matter what you decide, we will support that. If the 'baby fever' passes or if it doesn't. We'll be there."

It was sweet - the sentiment of it and all - but even you weren't clear on if you wanted a baby or not. Sure, you thought they were cute and whenever you saw one, you wished you had one to call your own, but, there was so much more to having a baby then just that.

"Thank you." You replied, though it sounded more of a question then a genuine thanks: Garret sending Jonah an 'I knew I was right' look at the uncertainty in your words.

Silence settled among the three of you, no one knowing where to begin at the odd tension that had formed after Jonah's very serious declaration of support.

"This is a good milkshake." You mused, swirling the pink liquid around with your straw that was beginning to become soggy at how long it had remained in the drink. "Thanks J."

It was more then just a thanks for the milkshake though, and deep down you both knew it.

————————————————————————

When the two pink lines glared back at you, the colour was far too vibrant then it should've been.

You hadn't been expecting that.

Having downed three cartons of 'Sunny D,' and having peed on 4 pregnancy tests, you knew this was one doodle that couldn't be undone - no matter how much you shook the plastic stick, the lines never faded or went away.

Though you didn't feel sad, or scared, you felt rather happy at the discovery. Perhaps your 'baby fever' would never fade away; but you were beginning to think you were actually okay with that.

And three months later, a small bump beginning to form, you were certain you couldn't hide it any longer.

Looking into the mirror, a ghost of a smile settled on your face - one that had permanently seemed to remain there since your discovery, and one that made you glow with radiance wherever you went. Your hand rested on the bump lovingly, admiring how different and yet the same you looked with it. You could get used to this.

Finally feeling as though you were far enough along to start sharing your secret, you decided today would be the day you'd tell Jonah and Garrett - knowing, as they'd previously made it clear, you would have their unconditional support.

You couldn't wait to tell them.

————————————————————————

"So." You began, shifting about in your seat, your usual coffee switched out for its decaf version instead, you prepared yourself to share the news. "I've got something to tell you. Or rather, show you."

"Is it another one of those cat memes? 'Cause I don't think I can take another." Garrett groaned, Jonah rolling his eyes and declaring he liked them and wanted more if it were possible.

"No, no. It's a big bigger then cat memes. In fact it's probably as big as a plum." Pulling out the small, black and white photo from your pocket, you unfolded it, sliding it across the table in front of the two boys. Your two boys.

Without words, Jonah stood from his seat, walking around the table and pulling you up into his embrace and rocking the two of you from side to side. "Holy shit y/n! I'm so happy for you!"

Pulling back to look at Jonah, you saw a wide and bright smile consuming his face, much like the one you imagined was on your own face, and his eyes crinkled half-shut. A laugh bubbles from your throat, relishing in the happy moment shared between the three of you: they knew this was what you wanted, and you knew that they'd be there for you no matter what.

"That things inside of you?" Garrett groaned, focused solely on the ultrasound you had placed in front of you.

"Yep." You replied, smile not leaving your face despite Garrett's disgust of babies, not specifically the one inside of you, just all of them. "And in about 6 months, that thing will come out of me."

"Gross." Garrett scoffed, though a smile soon settled on his face. "It's got your nose"

————————————————————————

Hey Anon!! Thank you so much for the request, I had a lot of fun writing this concept.

Any more requests, just let me know!!

As always, have a lovely week!!<33

#superstore x reader #cloud 9 #superstore imagine #jonah simms x reader #jonah simms imagine #superstore garret imagine #superstore garret x reader #garret mcneill x reader #garret mcneill #garrett mcneill #superstore jonah x reader #superstore jonah imagine

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therealvinelle · 1 year

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Brief thoughts about language and brains (and vampires)

@madam-melon-meow tagged me in this post, and I decided to just make a post.

Another semi-relevant post.

So, to give a somewhat serious answer, "bilingual humans tend to think in their birth language" is at the core of what cognitive research in linguistics is even about.

This isn't something I know too much about, let me very clear on that. I'm happy to be corrected. However:

Recent studies indicate that language isn't compartmentalized in the brain, that is to say I don't close my Norwegian box and open the English one when I'm on tumblr. I'll be using English, but Norwegian will still be there in my brain and may interfere.

That is to say, without getting into how we're defining bilinguals (is complete mastery required? Regular use? Language context, i. e. if a person't native language is French, they're living in Sweden and speaking Swedish, but their workplace uses English, what results will Edward get following them through the day? There are many definitions of bilinguals. And of course, there can be multiple birth languages (and what is a birth language?)), to say that people tend to think in their birth language is... well it won't hold up in court.

When it comes to what language people (not just bilinguals) think in and the degree to which they think in language, researchers have yet to be able to give concrete answers (that I know of) but they do research code-switching (when you switch between forskjellige språk in the middle of setninger). The hope is that understanding how and why people code-switch will better the understanding of how our brains process language and, question of the hour, how we think in language, to the extent that we do, but there are not yet any definitive answers.

(Though it's worth mentioning I don't know much about code-switching at all, and am far from the person to ask about the subject.)

A common theory worth mentioning is that when code-switching between two languages occurs, one of them is the matrix language (the "main" language) and the other is the interfering language. That is to say, you'll be predominantly be using one in a given context but code-switching by borrowing from the other.

All this to say the question of how language is processed in the brain is at the core of linguistic research and I for one have no idea which it is, certainly not how Twilight vampire brains would process them.

(Thanks for coming to my TED talk.)

#linguistics #twilight linguistics #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #twilight

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xanvasofxords · 2 years

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Misunderstandings 《Chapter 06》

《1》 || 《2》 || 《3》 || 《4》 || <-Previous Chapter

The guy introduces himself to Lucy, as Ray. An average looking man in his early twenties.

The dark haired man knew Jude Heartfilia. And apparently, he wants to give the younger heartfilia something of her concern. Even more so after her father's demise.

"What's this, a gemstone?" Lucy asks, examining the shiny object.

Ray answers, "Yeah, a fortune stone."

"Fortune?"

"As far as I know, they're extremely rare and worth millions of jewels." The man affirms.

Makarov's jaw drops at this. "What! Millions of jewels, you say?!!"

"Master," Mirajane warns the old man from behind as soon as he thinks about getting so much money. The older Dreyar gets the message and grumbles.

"It's that special...?" The barmaid then wonders.

Erza muses next, "A lucky charm?"

"Kind of, I guess. It's a possession of the Heartfilia family." Ray informs further, "Had been handed to my father years ago, even before my birth. A few months back, my father found out about master's death. He wanted me to return what is rightfully yours. Miss Heartfilia."

"Father never told me about this." Lucy thinks back to the time she has spent in the mansion. Her mother had also never mentioned anything about the stone. "Neither did mama."

"Probably because, at that time, many people were after the fortune stone. Some of them offered large sum to buy it from master, I've heard from father. And it's still worth millions."

"Bullshit." Gray interjects, as his pant silently joins his shirt on the floor. Cana chugs in another barrel and nods, "Ain't no way that thing's worth millions. Ya picked it up from the street, no?"

"Cana," the celestial mage cuts in, "We shouldn't judge someone so soon." The blonde quickly apologizes to her guest. Luckily Ray doesn't mind, he nods in understanding.

Natsu remains silent throughout, crossing his arms over his chest and watching the stranger carefully. Happy silently watches his expressions with concern.

"I'm not here to demand any reward, you're misunderstanding me. I simply wish to carry out my father's orders by returning the fortune gemstone." The man peacefully clarifies, voice calm and steady.

He continues, "I visited your place in hopes of finding you, Miss Heartfilia. But I was told that you don't live there anymore. Duke Sawarr is the new owner of the Heartfilia estate. Am I right?"

Lucy sadly answers, "Yeah."

After a while, the dark haired man stands up and proceeds to leave. Though, before leaving he offers a gentle smile to Lucy.

"The gemstone has been the reason behind many good things in our lives. I'm sure it'll do the same to it's rightful owner."

And Lucy finds out afterwards, that it does.

#fairy tail #natsu dragneel #lucy heartfilia #nalu #natsu x lucy #fairy tail nalu #ft nalu #misunderstandings #nalu fanfiction #nalu fanfic #nalu fan fiction #fairy tail fanfiction #fairy tail fan fiction

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slashcrz · 1 year

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☼☾ ( charithra chandran , 24 , she / her , cis woman , bedi 6 ) - have you seen LADY ESHA BEDI ? we’ve heard through the grapevine that they’re VIVACIOUS but also SELFISH. when you think of them , you think of GAZES OF GREEN ENVY WANDERING ASTRAY, A STRONG SENSE OF SELF WORTH, PRICKING YOUR FINGER WITH A NEEDLE AS YOU LOOSEN A SEAM FOR A GROWING BELLY.

name; lady esha bedi.

nicknames; n / a.

birth date; june 19th, 1775, a gemini.

orientation; bisexual & biromantic.

relationship; needed a man by, like, yesterday, very available, currently pregnant.

politics; she does not give two flying fucks.

religion; see above.

languages; tba.

HEADCANONS && BACKSTORY.

the youngest of five, by the time esha was born into the world, her parents were tired && quite over the thrill of parenting, so she grew up primarily with a steady rotation of governesses, nannies, nurses, and maids to keep her occupied && entertained; never an easy feat. she was boundless energy from the moment her feet realized they could carry her off quickly, and has yet to slow down. it's not like anyone paid too much attention to her antics, anyhow.

somewhere along the line, she became quite the drama queen, whispered about as being quite vain && spoiled, not-so-kindly referred to as the little princess around the parties. && it was true, she loved the idea of her royal cousins && the luxuries they shared, chasing after them with starstruck eyes && greedy hands.

though she had plenty of siblings && cousins to entertain with, her parents, at their wits end with their energetic, talkative, invasive, curious, adventurous, meddlesome youngest daughter employed for her two ladies as her companions && aides. the three were thick as thieves && it did little to improve the wild child's behavior, and her favorite retort to toss back to those who apposed her recklessness was - "what? it's not like i am a princess or anyone of such importance, i can do for myself simply as i please!" and so she did.

not a year went by that there was not some such trouble kicked up by the youngest of the bedi crew, seemingly intent on bringing down the name of the duke && his family with her, though it was never on purpose that esha found herself in such situations. very little thought went into her actions && nearly everything was decided upon in the moment - this was the excuse when she inadvertently stole her sibling's beau ("what? he pursued me first, who was i to turn such a fine man down!"), && lost family heirloom pearls at a party.

last year, however, esha went too far. what was a hot, heavy, && very serious summer romance turned wrong quickly when she realized she was with child, and her dreams of a lavish, comfortable future were dashed when her brother reminded her that as the youngest, she was more or less responsible for her own inheritance, and would need to either start doing something to impress their cousin, the king, or she should be looking to marry up... and the father of her child was decidedly down.

though very much in love with the man who had sired the child, esha chose her future over her happiness with him, && made the decision to not run away with him && to join her family in france, instead. she now hopes to very quickly secure a husband to hold fast her secret of her child, but france has proven to be another gateway for mischief, and esha may be more efficient in ruining what was left of her reputation entirely, on a global scale, if she's not careful.

#francehq.intro #{{ MUSE ;; esha b. }}

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sheepisreading · 1 year

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Books I finished in June 2022

We’re back on our regularly scheduled program: I read more than one book this month! Here we go:

The Dharma Bums, Jack Kerouac, 1958

Apparently it was Kerouac’s birth/death anniversary (I can’t even be arsed to google it, sorry) recently because the bookstore was full of Kerouac when I bought this one a few months back. I’d always wanted to read this one because I had a beat generation phase during which I read a lot about the beat generation but never actually read any of their works. Anyways, back then I’d landed on this one as the beat generation book I would probably read amongst all of them and here we are! I saw the nice Penguin Deluxe edition with deckled edges and saw it as my sign. It was... good! I confess it was kinda hard for me to get into (I feel like I type this very often) but it was worth it in the end. There are very nice sentences in this, dreamy descriptions and kinda-sorta interesting introspective thoughts. In a weird way, The Dharma Bums shares some vibes with shiey’s train surfing videos even though literally the only thing they have in common in train surfing. Or maybe considerations on life and freedom and existence as well, which I guess is rare enough to make the link. Would recommend, hold on!

On Chappel Sands, Laura Cumming, 2019

Non-fiction! The cover intrigued me at the bookstore and I read the blurb and impulsively bought it. It’s about a woman investigating her mother’s weird/strange family history to try and uncover everything about her. Or rather it tells the story of how she and her mum did just that. It’s an intriguing book, very unusual but very compelling. It’s a mystery novel but it’s not a novel. The picture the author draws of her mother’s native village is striking, you feel like you’re there. She uncovers the truth bit by bit, always slow enough to make you want to know more but fast enough to keep your interest. This book is also a portrait of the mother and a love letter to her. I sympathised with her quite a lot and grew to like and relate to the idea of her. I’m happy she existed on this earth. 5/5 stars.

Mary: a fiction, Mary Wollstonecraft, 1788

Okay this is my hard-to-read book of the month I guess. It’s feminist fiction by Mary Wollstonecraft. It follows the life of Mary, her travels, her friend’s illness, her romantic adventure(s). It was written (an published) in so obviously it’s not feminist in the way we use the term today but it’s a book about a woman who uses rationality (the way only men were thought to do at the time) in her life while still being a proper woman (you see what I mean). She doesn’t want to submit to a life with her assigned-at-18th-birthday husband so she doesn’t until the end where she is sort of forced to fit into the mold a bit more. It’s a book that shows to people at the time that women are as capable as men of being intelligent and furthering the world and living distinguished lives. It’s interesting to read just to see the vision of womanhood and menhood at that time and the dynamics between those too, as well as rationality and sensibility and all those concepts developped in the introduction. I recommend it but get a version with an introduction, I suspect I wouldn’t have enjoyed it much without it because it’s kinda far removed from modern literature in a way.

De Nouveaux Endroits, Lucile Génin, 2022

French book! Or french-canadian I guess. I feel like I haven’t read a french book in such a long time. I stumbled upon this one in the bookstore as well and bought it because the blurb seemed promising. It’s a book about a teen (like last year of high school) who doesn’t feel like she has her place in the world. So me being the sad me that I am thought that would be relatable and bought it. However, I think I’m not cis enough to relate to this kind of stuff because feeling unadequate in one’s womanhood is a subject breached a lot in this book and I just. Don’t give a shit about that. I just don’t relate to a lot of the shit that bothers the main character of this book and yeah. I had the same issue watching Ladybug, I thought I was gonna be able to see myself in it based on everything I was hearing about it and then I couldn’t at all and so I was mad at it. So I was quite annoyed at the book for a while but I kept on reading it and it’s actually pretty good. Like once I started reading it like normal fiction and not something that owed me therapy I found it enjoyable. It’s quite raw, emotional but also calm, rational and open to the world and new experiences. Afraid but then unafraid to start living. It’s the kind of book that does convince me to just do stuff, stop worrying and lying around doing nothing. Obviously, easier said than done but the feeling is there, and has been brought back up by this book.

The Tempest, Shakespeare, 1610-1611

The Shakespeare book of the month. This one I wanted to read because it intrigued me: not a tragedy but not quite a comedy either. Plus I love sea-based stuff. I like the ocean, I just think it’s neat (probably part of why I enjoy Virginia Woolf the way I do). Once I got through the 77-page preface (curse you Yves Bonnefoy) I finally got to the text and yeah! Very dissimilar to the other Shakespeare I’ve read, in that it flows differently I found. It’s got love and revenge and repenting and scheming but it has a different feel to it. It has magic in a more hands-on manner than in the other plays. Definitely one of my favourite Shakespeare plays until now!

#books #book review #book community #bookish #bookblr #jack kerouac #shakespeare #mary wollstonecraft #laura cumming

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royalreef · 2 years

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@sideblogstation inquired: 💭 + the future! Talk about it - Accepting

“It has already been decided upon! I think that is lovely, is it not? Far before I ever actually existed, my fate, from birth until death, was laid out and decided upon by the King and Queen. It was determined exactly what I should be and who I should become, so that they should have the best fit for the throne and my future rule. What might happen when I took the throne was discussed, as did they pick out my tomb, where my bones would be laid upon my eventual expiry date.

That is why any deviations from such a fate are so frowned upon. So much work, everything laid out as it should be, perfection incarnate... And to make a mistake would mean stepping all over that. Breaking it. Ruining what is already worked out so wonderfully and effortlessly, and all for what? For my own happiness? For a spark of pleasure? Countless lives are at stake, the continuation of the Merkingdom itself lies within my hands, and I would throw it all away for... nothing, really. There is nothing I have that would outweigh the many. There is nothing I could possibly ever experience that is worth destroying that future for.

You know I have been to my own tomb before, yes? It is very empty, right now, of course, but everything is in place. In some five hundred or so odd years, I will be stripped of my flesh and my bones shall be gilded and inlaid with jewels, and I shall be sat there for someone else to come, to see. My name has already been set upon the doorway, though I am not there.

The crown provides, after all. Even this — it is just a mere stint, an afterthought in the long line of things I shall do and I will have to do because it was decided that I should be the one to do them. I am not staying on land, of course. This is not my home, and it is not my kingdom. It is generally planned that, after graduation, I am to return back to the palace. I am not looking forward to it, but it shall be done. Of course, I might be returned earlier than them, if Daddy is not so pleased with how this experiment is going, but it is all in the grand plan, you see.

I think this is what bothers all of my companions so dearly, this thought that I am merely on rent to them, and that the Merkingdom shall come to collect me when they demand their dues. I suspect it is traumatic to them, though it is highly necessary and another part of my duties to me — this thought that they might have to give me up at any moment, that I cannot simply go back to them and alter my life in accordance to them, that I am owed first to my title and none after may have me. They think me something else, than the thing the King and Queen created, and think I hold a different destiny than what was laid out before me.

But that is why I had to have my future outlined so clearly for me, you see? If I was not so wonderfully planned, if everything had not been taught so, then I might make those same mistakes. I might think first of myself, and not of the crown, not of the Merkingdom. Everything has to be in service to such a goal. That is why royals are made separate from all others. Because we cannot be allowed to follow distractions, and to doom all others who follow us. We have to have such a clear future, because we cannot afford to make mistakes.”

#Glory and Gore || IC #Dreaded rumors || Asks #sideblogstation #Given by Divine Right || Headcanons

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fucktherain · 28 days

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11 APRIL 2024 (Thu) 8:59 pm

I. REBIRTH

I’m writing here as a personal journal of me trying to become better. I’m tired of feeling so, so, so sad every day, all the time, and I know others are too. I want to become better for my boyfriend. I want to change my mindset and become better and improve on all aspects of my life. Though I wasn’t dealt the best card from birth, I know I have so many things I have been granted in this life. So many things to be grateful for, like my family, my boyfriend, my friends, my material possessions, my opportunities (education, lifestyle), my experiences, and myself. I need to continuously realize and hammer that into my head that I am worth something and I am capable of becoming better. I have done that so many times throughout my life and this is just the rain that comes every now and then.

I was thinking about what to write for this first entry in the shower. I came up with the metaphor of my mental health struggles as the rain. I don’t like the rain. And I’m sure it’s not original whatsoever, but it seems to work.

Anyway, UK weather is a fickle being and it’ll be sunny one second, then rainy the next. You’ll look outside and it’s bright and nice. You feel good. Then you wake up, and now it’s raining. It’s dark, stormy, loud, scary, horrible. You have to go out, eventually. So you do, and you put on your boots and raincoat. But those things won’t help keep you completely dry. You’ll still get soaked. Worse comes to worst, you slip into a fucking puddle in the midst of this shitty storm and your day is even more ruined. You get home and you’re dirty. You get the house dirty and wet. You feel like shit. But you feel like you can’t really tell anyone about this because it feels like complaining. Especially when this rain is constant now. You can’t see the sun anymore, and it’s been days, then weeks, then months. At first you can kind of bear with it, but this ceaseless fucking rain just won’t stop and the first thing you see every morning is the dark sky and rain, that you know you have to go out and face, over and over again. You get moody, frustrated, angry, sad. You can’t even blame anyone for it. What are you going to do, lodge a complaint against the sky? Curse God?

– but the thing is, you realize that nobody else, at least not that you can visibly see, is going through this shitty constant rainstorm. It’s just you. You feel like it’s so unfair. You start looking at most people with envy. You wish you were that happy. You wish you could be enjoying and basking in the sun like they are. They are able to appreciate all the things in life; going on cute dates with their partners, going out with friends to the beach, hell, even just walking around normally. You hate that you’re the only one afflicted with this strange phenomenon. Now you can start to blame someone – you. You somehow did something to deserve this suffering. Everyone else is normal. They’re good people who get good things. Therefore, you’re bad and you are worth nothing. It will never get better, the way things are looking. It will rain forever.

And so on. I carried on with this metaphor for long enough, longer than I thought I could. I probably could say more. But I think you might get the gist.

Circling back to the original point, my resolve is to become better. I’m going to try to change the way I think to become more positive. I know it sounds all cringe and hokey-pokey (is that how you call it?), but only I can help myself. I’m going to take things day by day, step by step. It’s the only thing I know to keep me alive. When I think too far into the future, I get a little freaked out and too existential and get suicidal all over again. I’ll say nicer things to myself. I’ll stop being so negative. I’ll try things to improve myself. I’ll write lists of gratitude (I do that already, but it doesn’t hurt to do them more). Etcetera.

Today, I’m proud that I got out of bed and did so many chores. I’ve been really sick (fever of ~39C, feeling hot and cold simultaneously, shivering, waking up in the middle of the night from feeling so ill, constant headaches, and now a very sore throat), so I could have shrugged off my responsibilities, using my illness as an excuse. But I didn’t. I got fed up halfway through the day of how miserable I am and I decided to begin the change. I might fail, but there is also an equal chance I might not.*

I managed to:

cook some food (even if it wasn’t the best)

wash the dishes

make tea

organize / clean up my flat a little

clean my toilet (rough with my fever going but I did it)

clear my vacuum

call to cancel an appointment (even if I was awkward)

shower

write a gratitude list

These are not big things in the grand scheme of things, but I’m trying my best. I should be proud of myself. I am proud of myself. I am proud that I am taking my first steps. I am resilient and I will continue to persevere, like I’ve done for the past 2 decades. Yes, I still overthink, but I’m going to try to override those bad thoughts and turn them into something nicer. I will try to be nicer to myself. Yes, I still feel suicidal and I still wish I died from my suicide attempts, but we’ll ignore that. Those thoughts don’t do anything but negatively impact me. I am a deeply flawed individual but I will improve. I have to. It’s either do or don’t.

*If I fail this challenge of becoming better, I’m probably dead, and you are reading the entries of a deranged, mentally ill, dead girl. But if I don’t, that’s lovely. This can be something I look back on and it’ll encourage me to keep going. Either way, very interesting stuff.

#entries #entry #journal #suicidal #the rain

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asminahcasim · 3 months

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“Moment in Motion: The Dance of My Everyday Lives”

A moment to remember, when my grandma and I were likely Tom and Jerry because of my mischief, she used to chase me around with a wooden stick, we wouldn’t stop chasing each other until she finally caught me up and hit me with the stick she had with her, so naughty me.

Hi!!! by the way I am Asmina Casim, middle child of my parents, I’m just want to share my life story with you, for three days after I was born in this world, my grandparents took care of me, even though my parents are around, my grandpa decided to take me in and bring me home to Mindanao, but even though I’m in Mindanao, I always take a vacations here, before that I want to share with you what my parents work, They are both Businessmen, and that time I can say that our family is incredibly perfect and happy, We are so blessed with everything we have, Our parents do everything they can to provide us with the things we need. But suddenly our once very happy family faced a tough situation, my dad had another woman, and when my mother found out, she got stressed. Unfortunately, because of the stress, my mom couldn’t safely give birth to my sibling. When my sibling passed away, my sister and I really blamed our dad because it was truly his fault, we believe that what happened to our sibling was because of him.

Fast forward, my mother and us have moved on from the painful memories left by our father, guess what? He chose his new partner over us, it’s painful to think about, but it’s true. After those hardships, I returned to Mindanao to continue my studies there, my life back in Mindanao was extremely simple, I was a cheerful child who always played outside with my friends, during my elementary, I didn’t think about life’s problems because I was too young my interests revolved around playing outside, I found joy only in playing because I didn't have a happy family during those times. Despite that, I had friends who became a significant part of my life, bringing immense happiness to my days. They make my days extra special when I’m with them, and I always forgot those problem in my mind, our friendship is full of laughter, until now there is no changes between us, even I am now far from them, the closeness is still remaining, I can say that they are among the happy moments that happened in my childhood.

As the years passed, I entered high school, and that's where life changes began. I learned to think right about what's happening around me. And also that time I realized that I no longer had a happy family to return to, and I constantly suffered too much, I always begged God to bring back our happy family and return my dad to us. I’m consistently been the top student in our school since elementary until in my high school, but for me, all the awards I received feel useless because I never experienced my dad hanging my medals. I even dislike recognition days because instead of being happy and proud, I feel sad seeing others joyfully going up the stage with their dads, I never experienced too that my dad being proud of me or seeing that I’m worth it as his child. I have a huge resentment towards him, how I wish I could open up to him, but my shyness prevails, ever since my dad left us, the closeness disappeared, and I don’t have the courage to talk to him about the things that hurt me.

Now that I’m in my senior high school and can make decisions on my own, I want to choose to be happy despite of all tears that I thru before, I just realized that the past cannot be brought back, and I just want to focus on my studies instead and do my best to make my mom proud of me, I don’t know where life take me, but I got this and I always got this, I will continue as long as I have a strength to build a happy life again and forget everything that is already done…

#memoirs

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libidomechanica · 11 months

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Despite thy worth of Lovers are

A sonnet sequence

They stand up to wave. To answer bring, and see their stations, expectant, powerless, fenced-in skin that in his chamber, where they Chose, god was the night amongst mortals, old or young brides, the wise are ten freckles. And when the Court and cold water into its consequence of dangling weeds. Was weak enough stays all truths must, with Jealosies and wave,—hasten, which beat as if I’ve been this effect defect; who after the scent, yet deepest maze. An ass, he went out my vnrest, as I Undying Life, you still morn went out. Despite thy worth of Lovers are class’d— was on me, the pale smile of beaten gold.

Slight clatter, and on his Heir. Because deform’d, yet died all game and tameless Tartar. Which writers mind; till at the light slept on the days the heart, his very mirror, tirra lirra: ’ why fear and far, near ally’d to Israel’s Tribes in such occasion; deeming Friends he wrote his florid race the eastern phrase of the head of the Hielands where sleepers pass, and often I caught Aurora look scarce less for the other is cheating heartbeat felt by a hand on his tender Lambes, that was blithe and I was dark, that shall sundered the great convenience of it, sought the ghost’s identity.

In hart both man and flow rolls by the rest, with ease, let ours betrays with shame. So that made him have relish influence relying on its base as standing dialogue within our face; his stubble screen. She half a Father Governs with their popping off, and the church, Then grudge; then, Israel’s Crown in Peace it seems apart make us a family’s death. ’Er themselves, and where you have neither side; nor cares to shew I am not Good by Fools, and his war-horse of some massy members quite figure gleam’d through the spring complete, but free, the Muses that roam o’er the silks. Sometimes faint of his Foes.

To pestle a poison’d poison’d poison behind me. A thousand winter sleep. His eyes, and tells her long-hair’d page in crimson cross-legg’d, without the angels went to Depose. Fain would have from the head just beyond the Land. Short speech is dumb, think not my amiss, lest guilty of my stout bloody. You see his like Vision, and all the Sanhedrin and are her aspects stern she wrote his fine Waist. At first and felt—though done with his first pretending an ear-shaped cone to him, and one enormous shout of Allah! Beauty Full; who though it was wounded thus ebbing out, my fancye eke from sea plains of Paris! And willing with Chain of Gold. Are bad. Waved of course the Fury of a Patient Man. But that false and Musk she was conquest was a soldier once, for surely shepherds, weep no more than when I reach’d stands ready for gaol, their Spoils by Inspirations. De rebus cunctis et quibusdam aliis.

My heart of which rainbows o’er that climbs and a Wife. Farewell each evening: silent ears that roams Siberia’s wild has sparkled on those friend, himself: when most infernal care, but this was the false Achitophel had for love. Flat line after they take thou pass away dyd wype. Belle Isle,—unfolded floated by, deadcold, but the echo of his spirit doth raise that laid him down on thee it is my father doth explore the rout that I made, good Sir, of Indian ware, that happy hoax: the more. To vent that of all Command, that, where fynd, to eat&see the needs destroys: and once more have made the air.

And she wash’d him—to his Prerogative. How less with Foes? And, as his Head. Who sues for eyes with Cossacques pursue Immortally to your hair rose twin-brothers: being grenadiers, who each other boon for a while, as no where your Father’s window’d heart and pledge? Vain are thy worthlesse ware; too long, furnish’d never mind;—’God save their sighing she spoke: like darkness touch that holds hushed and human Hydra, issuing from the Regal Rights enjoying half-pay for life, and pain, well might and dealer, were both busy as a generally with the sand, and several Mothers shoot, and birth the Laws.

With man his nights are sure to inspect; but could not but easy to peruse; he reach’d that now appears my question’d on the palisade, quite orderly, as if I’ve been tried so much of Heaven, against the fable of my arms, had laid your old age in will, of means bereft, he left our frail though earth from his bloody gore which so much force in all thy smokie fire; for to enjoy. Long since, thou belied, bear the Herald of their shadows lengthened by Worth, and blinded guest hid: but straightway I was tired of her shoe. Eyes, ere seen to bleed, and touch’d, and forward to think what is strange exclaiming;—’Juan!

I hate the thrill’d my guileless Genevieve! Reaching her heard, there that springs trouble with long driven away. Be wise are torn. In the sands of yeares you Stellaes feete more virgins make love shall be my desired my dust to be it where, bright did trembling, while I do speak and rashly judge all pieces. My lord’s, son’s, or some faire booke doth fill there be some piny mountain smoking with bloody bond, and sorry seasons Heavens Decree; which, by the town was enter’d. As often thro’ the rock that great land reels athwart the Geordi-an knot, whose every raven tress, suddenly he heart under.

For Vice, Oppression of the oar!—But Fame you know I loved you all your quaint enamel’d eyes, that shuns Love, in my thoughts which, perhaps she were scatter’d by their treasure. The Jewish Markets of delight, hereditary twinges of gout, which he call’d restoration. How it falls in vain; what may not these years on years on years hence my eyes more than the look’d down the lawn at their alter’d Hearts. I could rendezvous, but hither, Sleep, desire shall eat what care I who can be pleasures haue we in the almond tree. I know the stripes, and hopes a Rival to remove; the price of blossom to blow!

Time and love will alloted, soon or later I too creep to clear than the daylight of her Hair down the mass who go below the star that graze, or frost and pure, something turns had fled away some Mussulmans, who can knows. Some there heroes have never love’s sickness, stood the show where quiet smile of Aurora, with hunger for night, and cursed by fate of the same baite, and more than Loyalty express, suddenly I saw the morning. Remains of hell where thunders grown older, less false Achitophel had misled the friar still were won or later I too may passion speechless lies, but hark!

These were sadly sigh’d;—the next that odd impulse, and ceased to war’s alarms, and wisdom of their valiant face, Go, get their Own. Lose all, and mak’st all my tender, so shall Ever- wanting pain. And in her visage down the living fame: he must needs the pale shade’s sufficient reed, doubt, chancellors endeared within like a knot. His readiness to a dollar that whatever is a line you must wed him even th’Offending. To raise up Common Cry, for Vice, Oppression, and in moral double figurative with various gate. But the poor dry empty thing that’s the name of English money.

And never known; and providence by fire. Pile or does she floating dais before, but short, howe’er our better done, as others though rarely trodden valleys, these Arms accuse, he pact a Jury of the morning shine so rich inheritance other, thoughts had never come to my question there something where Lycid lies. But each assumed from time and knight, knight and be all those weary dream and lying on bonfires over east before he died, but with Vulgar Spright, grow Stale and wishing, and at her down, and, from the outside the Jews; for those Graces, which happen’d luckily, the only think, and thus the poor kind employ him as a Guardian God; and Fortune rolls by thy innocence and victual, had made more on the songs that my Muse, to work and joys of evening: silent light love the splendour of pillow in my meaning should have goaded. Hath made itself, but sure twas a bashful.

This Plot, by hireling Witnesses improbably a millions slain son, his first bridal hours have done?—That we call so;—God may have sworn the shingled with an empty craw, the suspense with time to all the world’s greater part to my younger than a Nations weighty silver which she went footing now than, singing in my arms, she saw the forms of me to shedde. And sweet forgoing simple savour’d of my hair wert truly sayes, that doth sit: o let not for, like ice needs and men, before the expense and tierce, as thou art as a block left in their lean and flowery Spring leads sunny skies.

Sunk were his host threescore, were it but with him is fledde, the pious path to pierceth Allah! Force themselves, was here as heretofore and more hardest stones, the world with gentle mould, art so unkind to his Lips press’d me with wind among the scent of a lie coming the scimitar, and from Portingale, to sit by a mossy stone half hidden rills float hear a little. Which her burden down, and at her human Wit could solder as human blood, the dark valley; let the Hall and the feud, the firths of days; but who can be complain’d, for he’s seen and no more and sinews bent to enter me?

She liked him, I on her for it groweth noone with music. But still in without disguises of some strange chance; but power abuse— was her kind employ; nothing, this ill- wresting about to the tedious absent frae her Dearie! Has perish every shower, so much the Seraskiers, among thy worthless as the earth beneath thy shade. Much steals men’s fruit, and as was ever new, nor less and flowers. The Moslem orphan sense flies to continual hair—belle Isle, white as wax and prove no bar; for he was great land resource is the genuine article’s express his readiness to Pall Mall.

Their music, our more short the Government. Between the golden lilies afloat, below the stars they ride with less: but apprehensions, which the sun itself, and look’d down into a patriotism—albeit compete. It seem’d to evaporate. Nay, laugh I shall do me Right, for this much, there he spoke again; i’ll aulder be gin simmer, sir. Beauty on this children gone five months. Unless your houses high, lance-like he strange tradition; but, if unseiz’d, she did not refuse; tis Nature, pleading tone with someone else to move Assemblies, who but one. And questions you so totall are?

From crowds, with ribands, black and romance, a pure, transfix’d with for the General Cry, religion. Pain, regretted, for there was as independence, as say that scarce perceptibly askance of weariness or scorn, began to awaken the chain, and his vertues Land: perhaps. To joy to save, and what not had such is ours to wreathe but a Spark too much; for all their treble intermission, added her love while that could the Royal Youth yours forever and his favour’d of my life indanger’d by a dunce. She dwelt amongst his Frame anew, is work for Reign? I travel within; desire!

Of human thought to name my deadly swannish music. I noticed a stranger seemed and light; no Pinions can pursue Immortal can. Far-fleeted by a dunce. Freeze and fill the related in cellars and, like the same value of a peacefully; the bosom of my Plot. He to his Throne; were I to lie wi’ you, kind Sir, I’m o’er young, I’m o’er young virgin valour was calm, yet espiegle eye, had more than you scorn thee my wit for to endeavour. Evolution, modestly, whene’er I sing of air, therefore their chereful cheriping, or hold the drive, you get no more! For through oh!

So thick, might not as the Beauty Full; who their pills like hats but never Ceases to all. And perceived that was harsh and grieve. Him Staggering lights of winter sleeping, but Phoebus lends me now and dame, retire and Tamburins forgoe: and yet thus so cleanly I myself, and the future shield to snatch, and whole their strength devoured his little friend or free: for the rest, and lose my mind, if she were silently, that awkward to mourn: t was the surface. Of moss look into please the lot of life, whom several who sung fewer psalms than half a poet out of higher thing quizz’d for trifles.

And when he ran away, of human heart, but only fate, and street signs. And a long bow than my forerunners. And slip at once again. Therefore the woods. The ground with me! How stranger who had felt the intermission, which men stickle. His clothes were nothing to dispensed her like a vineyard—yes! The solstice thunder, who had brought up to their bed of the good days that all confusion: by axe and easie still wants a Chief of Errington and God they are; yet where the wild insanity of carnage, but lo! And therefore she went out my Leave a fin of fish. The mode be perfection with the sword.

His Bed coud once more and though rarely smile, to name a third fell on the Throne? Take down fa’ for he knew not when he asks me I would now among the same; and I lost their defence, so form’d to evaporation of the hand: nor wine nor wassail could solder as the better faith derides, but by the city soon, not responds,—as if a glutton’s tray were at peace. Love love much in fashion; and, as I must say in my claim madly meeting love thy spirit, not a joke he cut but express the madden’d, and Priest inslav’d the Gods and wishing, and he stood shyly near, no news but never face. And such is our case; we can’t compell’d, such was to sing.—These cossacques. But seeing, flashing, said, that ancient Fabricks nod, and Hatred to hear sweet air, and lone; yet the volleying roar, and as in us lies which are limited to my gross to tread, and ha’ the coin of Pity as a cheat.

Were none can’t compell’d, such was talk’d o’er his conclude their several Faction in. Is shining in each outward honour’d, snatcht in Manhoods prime by unequal Ruler of the day, and ne’er she look on his own content to gain the mellow’d in his reading thews that could that way, and look’d, and close of Natures state: you look like all us colored boys. When long years he woo’d the rich and bid thee oft, I pitie now thou art thou say’st, thou, to our Father line;—but all the worst which in atonement as a mirror.—And the roll in dust, the Rascall Rabble here were not yet, with thine are only to thee.

Defect in each sex, like aught the brow that I do dispensed to speak truth, thy disencumbred Soul mounts up, and forever and Plato call my day, to prove not to get itself;—such is most mortal frame, all arts or parts, but now my shames and Fears, call Jebusites: the Town so call’d open house. Was—pardon get of your feet&when you look look with you be kind be quiet forest- queen’—but aye she leaneth on edge; and all, which my whole play, and fight again; and this when men run away, But I, ’ said Ida, tremulously great, because the words he frames is come, yield them to soften it them?

The heau’n to the web and flashy songs grate on the chaste orb shone as now occur, though cold, and in me life—O father raged, that when he devoured his your Sacred Prophets Sons by such a climate grows tart. With some piny mountains breaking, until they require as dare glad in her safety, where there is plunder raged in the departed; and The Shah with Magic-mighty wrought— o Greta, dear love inside clean: for if I should be peopled city grieve. That daily sight the lark shot up and dash myself a crier of the city, without depth, with reverence began to feel his Bloud.

If Sovereign’s pleas’d, impatient of song; now swimming in my body how I know, immersed in that Plot, which Lieutenant-Colonel Yesouskoi march’d for a Worthier Head. Made a sin to take breath which stiffen’d heavenly huntress of his mother kills her the open’d without, or with sword in haste by various gate. Inspect; but could have plunder raged in all her silver which heaven I know as spectre seem’d an aged, helpless; all her father’s kiss, unasked, unsought, like a shot; his third time, when first accent no farce on the moan of doves and come, I’ll set your passion, a modern youth.

But aye she look’d, and so I won my Genevieve! And, you’re upstairs on the rest had a remark with the friar of large-browed steadfast rock of Hazeldean. An hour, when there with his eyes, and gazed on Juan walk’d o’er the hills? In the better days; some doubt how much the shock on my face, and tierce, at risk of being carried to war’s alarms; but what thy owne will live. Between friends, more bright, as I know except itself, to their Father’s faded cheek when I left. Long, to Persuade, that I may ceased to snatcht in Manhoods prime, young Frank is chief pacha calmly midst the Crown, with envy I do hear our song.

Be it not solace ears politeness bound, they took the blaze of conqueror—a match for her existence, proclaim, says Hotspur, long evening as for he had in the Crown, was made forgot, to make his ways are odd. In midst may err as grosly as their lean and Johnson said: Juan, we’ve seen—but red with her short or tall might stripes, and flying. A light emitted from haste occur, I think about my hand: there is a harmonious, underneath his Master heard sittes not, since my thoughts had never was his Wealth, by my Paternal ghost had failed—if we drove the vessel of thy loveliness.

The fact’s a fairy tail from the rightfull cause at least when Kings and there miss welcomnesse. Be my girl or fair subject, bless: who now begins against himself or bastion, little darts, for human hearts: yet was such as he turn’d o’er the other, the hunter tell; tis Justly Destiny had highest wish, or to Rule, for love, and, oh, the differings were heated by the city won while Juan now beside the Lure to draw the Fall: but Common Name the grass like the sea, maybe, some hundred eyes, now, if there he knew it was wi’ my Dearie; I restless, and could tye. From a bulletin. His face: hope.

Though Blanche had fallen or man be the wrapt inflection, to Juan, a mere novice, when Phoebe shine in love; flesh and geography, so their Suffering Parties he inform’d to touch upon a hard but give profession; for it groweth noone with sword nor sound is buoyant as my lifelong hope, I wish they’d state the shade, or with, offence the high in a tradesman’s ware or his toilet, but with awful topic—but t was blithe and I am done, merely clicked into animates eternally and visibly female. Rare and then as t were tired of my mother name was Nelly Gray!

Judging Jove; as he knows not when ye will, your breaths, too, also suffer more. A red- cross knight for ever chanting her two suns from a scheme that equal rights a funeral, with his chocolate, the songsters twittered in its Channels, bubbles; as the Rhine; the State, that brings my passion, for thee did give; that asking look, and what is worse, these few could pleasure in thee his shield, and if you laugh him out of languor and time when e’r they heard of a pyramid. But that had a dream of Camelot. Shouts, bridge, I know not the hand. Love for then her dreams are eerie, sir. ’ Breast! And if it is abused.

And the brow that you’d return the pedantic illustration of the independent of Clay.—I’m o’er young, I’m o’er young to knowing how to be friend, himself: when Natures Holy Bands would not eat the ditty, my fancye eke from their lids so of idle apprehensions, which working out with which of tall grass, long-stemmed plants; each beaked promontory. Thou might could crack his child—a very powers, he shut his King; did wisely Joyn, for fear we should fail. No, lies hid in dark bush doth ly, till it falls in vain he kick’d, and down her gage, and there is unto a right, for there is a flowers felt.

Though not fooles in many a listen’d with odds, are not much; we find few females with ivy never live to herself too much of Adeline, you get no more appears; and poore my weary to the Eternal ghost it were stirr’d by a shuffled cage of your own hearts her sublime with the summer trees, and main, not know: draw in your hopes to the other person. In a most in me claim no more—I’ve said her mould there lay a parchment on wastfull hylls to see, since I see my joy, a dying mans belief; O gentle shelter’d Hearts; yea, when the lofty claim madly meeting love tunes its hands.

But to our Gibraltar must fade like one dumb, yet lov’d his pardon get of your faces, while another cologne. Use, receive his prayer, the glowing how much on her depart not a flowers and spread, which brings, that some hundreds at his mother stream of great tranquility. With his victory by no means boded to gather live youth’s starward longing Countries but here and sounds: and the page. The evening by taking them all. And silver bugle hung, and wishings, Roman, Greek, or Runic, swear they fell a-doting on the heart that’s not at all: but oh that art the roofs, and so to Camelot.

And spite of Johnson said, Yes—no—rather— yes. Fed wits at Camelot. To move so warm? But to confusion be a battery, parapet, rampart blazed like Etna, when the red-ribb’d ledges drip without some fascinating kind. The lawyers in her eye, yet great in souls amazeth. But to our men, at least Complain, but draw the boughs are deaf and blue, I swear I’m thine eyes. But diverse: could shine and though the gate now, the more. And when they contests cost him yet recover. A lonely, vigorous was that bloody rest. New thou needs be good to all this hour the season due; for to enjoy!

The saloon of Beauty, Graceful Reign? The heat and beauty treble intervals appears to bear they turn into the Empress! Had been neglected, ill-used, and wishing, and blackning all that not, because, which mishap— but themselves, these Arms accuse, he pact a Jury of discurtesee, as messenger, pass now that Love, where your old age maintain’d at evenings harder to a great hall, but still less witty, since their lost Estate; turn’d upon the sacred head on his pipe’s ambrosial, Pharisaic times, to Murther, by a Christ’s sister, and favours light into sudden rather odd is such bodies.

The poets of deepest mountain-woods, to seeke my onelie hire, desiring nought but how content, she’s to me I bore the charm of woman, loveliness arrives ghost had done him till full Fourteen his Son renew’d in him all common fellow, but can never heard or seen, because his Age the wide world besides what the counted Lies, for one rough black silk neckcloth—and replied, You’re right-but where your own mirror. The awful LOVELINESS, would Steer too discuss’d, the Crown, th’ admiring Croud are dangerous rocks of loue; that drinks and stretch of grain a surprise haste to concede quarter.

His desire to feed of further things upon my lord’s estate, this dissimulation, and has a publick Love; to Head the sick of imitate? That trod as he sits by try’d the womens Leachery, to serve on horses they richly merited, answer to flowe. What e’er got his face. These Adam-wits too fortunately from, malgre all my Friends to break, and seal forever thought in a closer in the ghastly pit long station is, the shade. In Babylon’s bravuras—as they went away, as travel we will believed that I owe this Polar melody, and hath no great pitty.

For seeing, bless: swift, undespoken love tunes its hands of slaughter. That sad embroidery wears; bid amaranthus all his pulse and fears his dread grew wrath, and Lov’d, the ear such example of this epic will come again; i’ll aulder be gin simmer, sir, and pour’d upon this—the dinner of the time I was: they led them to soften it the marge unhail’d the shrilled in tune. You dragged your fashionable bows their eyes glared o’er each peal on peal’d her for the other is cheating how much of German, knew as music chimes in the living in a pause no doubt why, if we scan as human kind.

So long! Of his! That is strange doubts could write a scoff; and when, sleeping moon has hid the sabre clean: for if you have but thought the earth do scorn delight. And question my Foes shall, so brave men, the title of Salámán. These: Love in the rest had fail’d for he had been; there in your travellers of London days, and graces might come upon his phantasy he fed his Shrieval Board the Ground: the light, elbows, knees, dreams along the falling sheep, not to these, love for cits. Dead weight, that I am gray?—When he was a mode adopted since full ripen’d grain; when sudden rather puzzled but say that strain.

Bows to my breasts of arms! Fond fancies scum, and thus to entrance, pain, regretted, for thee, Alma Venus Genetrix! Palisades, which Hebrew Priest inslav’d the woman taught there occur some unseen wings, a breath sealed by Arseniew, that window and thorns and the trees, gust-fists, hollow behind; but, where he a Tyrant who, by a spectral guest, fed with intentions. My heart confesse: and wordless broodings on the brimstone of us though thunders, crept away, but me whom radiant face, the corps, and Juan grew carnation grieve not to be borne—but not avail to sever, made Norman Church and blind.

But then what appears; and she was truly sympathized in true marriage lies nor equal, nor unequal Ruler of the People down: that from the infant came yonder morning race-horse in a space of birds of the Hall and everybody out of Lethe scaffolds the only asks to lay about his own: tis alway. She listening; then his pulse and flam’d upon immediately in other person what he did so oft are soon woud by Law supplant his Prince he had? And one immortal height, the singular beauty; others who would free thee desire to feed his point, whate’er the kingly scourge, the luminous eyes, and the love of all very accurate, you know that of all-judging Jove; as he look’d, and in their Father Government it seemes, as ancient Fabricks nod, and a word which is movement and snow upon your cheek when it swears, and dread. In these times of wreathe my name.

My husband has a publick Lunacy: and once more, and, as perhaps he ought for islands, O my Prodigiuos Gifts in vast and lazy Happiness; disdain’d,—a lamp burn’d and by addition me t’approve the great Homer thousand hues. The Sinking from pain; while waxing colder as though, we were they wanted. In these woods, to wayle my woe, and piece of national as any other Errors but dearth. In the priest and snow napoleon on his spirit of the Blood, my Fear their chereful cheriping, or laid great vision of a joyous day over the mountains by the bloom in Mrs.

Which was not Loves purblinde charms my whole rampart, though I knew not, nor pretend to trace in ladies and crush’d, which things, that bring me from Camelot: for Lawfull fear his gore. And in the volleying roar, and yet on tiptoe seemed that I be call’d open house. Another times, then begin for towns by such affronts have ever coud with words: this mortality alone but t was as usual Theams; and that I shall I never shall move like you a Legacy of Barren Land: perhaps the savage mind. By the tone of the Black Friar, and my dark-dawning Day, in evenings harder yet to flowe.

#poetry #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Markov chains #Markov chain length: 7 #140 texts #sonnet sequence

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smokeybrandreviews · 11 months

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World of Tomorrow

I am a Marvel shill. I love the comics, the worlds, the films; All of it. To this day, i am an MCU apologist, though, lately, that’s becoming harder and harder to do. I personally feel that, between the Big Two, Marvel is the superior company in all aspects, save one - animation. Marvel animated fair is pitiful in comparison to what DC has given us over the years. I mean, the Nineties were solid with the X-Men, FF, Spider-Man, Hulk, and Iron Man shows but Batman: The Animated Series trumps all of that. B:TAS is more than classic and gave birth to one of the most intricate, enduring, and entertaining franchises, ever. DC has had a penchant for animation since On Leather Wings first aired so long ago and that has continued to this day. I mean, they made kind of a detour with that mixed bag of a film universe based on the Nnu52, the DCAMU, but that got the reboot treatment with Justice League Dark: Apokolips War and gave birth to what looks to be a brand new franchise: The Tomorrowverse.

Superman: Man of Tomorrow

On the surface, this is a solid “Superman” origin story. In reality, it's a dogsh*t watch. This is the firt entry into the Tomorrowverse and it's definitely a mixed bag. Love the animation and art direction. Love the casting, outside of Lois Lane. Kind of hate the Parasite and Martian Manhunter redesigns. Really hate this universe's take on Lex Luthor. Out the box, for me, The Tomorrowverse stumbled and hasn't really recovered yet. The following two entries (three if you count the two part Long Halloween entry) are much, much, better. Unfortunately, the last two, so far, are much, much, worse.

Justice Society: World War II

I kind of liked this one. It’s basically Flashpoint mixed with New Frontier. It’s an interesting idea and the execution is there, but it feels like filler almost. Almost as if this is the jumping off point for something more. All in all, it’s kind of my favorite of the bunch, not named Long Halloween. It’s always dope seeing DC’s wildly overpowered take on heroes, participate in very much human conflict. All in all, solid watch.

Batman: The Long Halloween

I actually wrote and entire proper review on this when it first released. I loved it. Most accurate adaption of the iconic Bat-story to date and the best entry of The Tomorrowverse to date. Well worth a watch or two.

Green Lantern: Beware My Power

This on was weird as f*ck. Actually, to be honest, all of these are kind of weird as f*ck. All of the Tomorrowverse entries, except Halloween, are weird retellings of iconic narratives from the comics, but wrong? Like, this is definitely the origin story to Kyle Rayner’s take on Green Lantern, down to a really corny take on Parallax, but it was given to Jon Stewart. Hell, they threw in a little bit of sexual chemistry with Hawkgirl at the end as a nod to their DCAU romance. Ultimately, this thing was f*cking boring. Zero out of ten, would not recommend.

Legion of Super-Heroes

I think i liked this one even less than Green Lantern. I honestly have nothing good to say about it outside of the costumes are dope. That’s kind of it.

The Tomorrowverse is in it’s infancy but, so far, it’s underwhelming. The writing needs to be much better and the overarching plot should probably be much, much, more compelling. Still, i love the art style and character designs but, if I'm being honest, it’s worse than it’s predecessor. There’s still room to grow but if this is what tomorrow holds, I'm happy with what we got today.

#DC #DC Comics #Warner Discovery #The Tomorrowverse

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smokeybrand · 11 months

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World of Tomorrow

Superman: Man of Tomorrow

Justice Society: World War II

Batman: The Long Halloween

Green Lantern: Beware My Power

Legion of Super-Heroes

I think i liked this one even less than Green Lantern. I honestly have nothing good to say about it outside of the costumes are dope. That’s kind of it.

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alsjeblieft-zeg · 1 year

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167 of 2023

More random secrets from random people! [True or False]

Created by joybucket

These are all random secrets from random people that I found posted on the Internet. Put an X by the secrets you share, and elaborate if you wish. I really enjoy these surveys, and I hope you do, too. Have fun! :)

I keep feeling like I'm not good enough. I wish I were somebody else. I am at my breaking point on so many different levels. I'm seriously considering quitting my job. I'm so deeply lonely. I am secretly in love with someone who is thirty years older than I am. I am struggling. I'm finding it hard to cope lately. I want to talk to a therapist, but I honestly don't know how. I don't think I've ever been in love. I don't feel like I'm worth being helped. Sometimes I find it hard to be left alone with my own thoughts. I'm so impatient and easily discouraged sometimes. If something doesn't work out the way I want it to on the first try, I just give up. I was surprised, but it came as a huge relief when I finally decided not to have kids. I get angry at every mother who doesn't love her children as much as I would love mine if I could have them. I think it's thrilling not to know what comes next. I believe in God, but I haven't mentioned it to anyone in my family because I think they'll judge me. Fear of Hell once kept me from committing suicide. My daughter is what keeps me from committing suicide. All I want is to sit down for ten minutes and not worry about a single. damn. thing. I feel lost and really afraid. I'm in love with my friend, and he doesn't know it. I adopt due to depression. I don't want to give birth to my own flesh and blood. I've never doubted the existence of God. We're all a part of something, and it's big and important and magical. I wish I could have watched her grow up. My dreams seem so far away. I'm jealous of the people who are close with their siblings. There are so many mistakes I wish I would have made while I had the chance to. I refuse to let people get close to me in fear of getting hurt. Deep down, I always feel as though people don't really like me. I am quite worried about not being able to find work during this COVID pandemic. I seem to be in a very negative state of mind lately. Every time I wake up, I want to sleep again so I won't have to feel anything.... I'm starting to believe true love is only for thin and beautiful women. I'm struggling so much more than I could ever admit. I don't know how to pull myself out of this. I am deeply unhappy, and I don't know what to do about it. I believe in God again. I stalk myself on Instagram just to see what other people see. I'm a closet Catholic. I feel like people are lying every time they tell me I'm beautiful. I know I am capable of so much more. I play the lotto so I can afford to adopt a child. I would genuinely cut all the fat off my body if I didn't think I'd die of blood loss. I hate being the ugly friend. I'm nervous about having sex, because I'm scared my partner will judge my body. (in the past) I felt really ignored when I felt horrible. I asked for help, and I didn't receive it. I want to tell someone I'm suicidal, but I'm afraid they'll treat me like I'm lesser than them if I do, which is the reason why I haven't yet. The man I married raped me before we even dated. I am not actually a lesbian. I am afraid of men. I like someone; I really do...but I am scared. I keep feeling as though I don't know myself. I fear I will spend my life waiting for a love story that doesn't exist. I feel like I'll never fit in anywhere. I have a happy personality with a sad soul. I thought I would feel better after the divorce, but instead I just feel absolutely pathetic for being divorced when I'm so young. I want my old life back. I have been going through so many life changes lately, and I haven't been myself. I am getting tired of not being ok. I'm growing increasingly concerned about my job security. I'm single, because I would rather be alone than with a guy who makes me feel alone. I really need to start therapy, but I'm stubbornly procrastinating taking the next steps. I think I need therapy again. Since losing my virginity, I haven't been able to call myself a Christian. I think my biggest secret is that I'm going to be ok. Life has been getting better than I thought. Today I will make a vow: I will NEVER settle for a boring life. I feel like we're at a really amazing point in history & it's amazing to be a part of it. I have more power than I know. I'd rather play board games on the living room floor than get wasted at parties. I wasted my childhood trying to be grown up. I finally discovered that my greatest fear is not being alone; it's being vulnerable. I'm sorry for not saying all the things I should have said. Everything is amazing and nobody is happy. I am nostalgic, but I am also strong. Maybe this world is another planet's hell. I wonder what it feels like to look at yourself without wishing you looked like someone else. I often wonder if life is easier for other people or if they're just better at faking it. I'm not brave enough to take the risks that would make me truly happy. I married my husband because he reminded me of the man I loved. My creative gifts are worth the mental illness I've suffered for them. Christmas time is my favorite time of year....and I am an Orthodox Jew. My shyness has cost me everything that mattered to me. I always wonder if I've met the person I'm going to marry yet. I wonder how many times my life has been saved because I was running late. All I want is a real conversation with another human being about something that actually matters. I was happier on my graduation day than I was on my wedding day. 👩‍🎓 I love my autistic brain. It makes me who I am, and I love me! I'm afraid I am missing opportunities to meet someone because we are all wearing headphones! 🎧 I wish I had never become a mother. I knew it was a mistake as I walked down the aisle. 💒 I love my family, but most of the time I prefer solitude. I'm fairly certain my wife would be more distraught over losing her phone than losing me. I found my soulmate after my wedding. I cannot clap on beat. 👏 I have a drunk alter-ego that has her own name. I pretend I hate it, but I actually love my body. I remember every time someone called me fat. I thought I'd be happier and more excited to be his girlfriend.

#survey #themed survey #bolding survey

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