#is bullshit because all these old fucks want to do is push their personal beliefs on everyone else. and theyre killing people

[burnt-scone]

#theyre stripping of us of our rights #Separation of Church and State is somethinh they have written down but dont follow #seperation of church and state #is bullshit because all these old fucks want to do is push their personal beliefs on everyone else. and theyre killing people #there will be ACTUAL murdered babies #child victims will die carrying or giving birth and their blood will be on the courts hands #but do they give a fuck #no. #because when the world burns and we're stuck in theyll be fucking dead.

[sapphire-weapon]

haiii it's the anon that wrote the orange light analysis again😭😭all ur aeon posts recently have got something on my chest

despite my video I don't actually ship aeon... like they're a good duo and I like them together but in the remakes there aren't any romantic moments between them and I feel like aeon shippers deliberately misinterpret scenes to fit their narratives and their beliefs

Like the kiss scene in 2 HOW was that romantic... re2r was my second re game and even I realised the first time I played it that he was annoyed and didn't kiss her back. But aeon stans never mention that they're just like 'oh they kissed so they're in love' nooo... SHE kissed HIM. and not for any romantical reason either. And then when Annette tells him Ada isn't FBI he doesn't question it he just seems dissapointed because he KNEW she wasn't. But aeon fans get so mad when u say that they act like it's real life like it's not that deep....

And also the shippers who act like their head over heels for eachother. They're not like they do not know eachother. They r practically strangers (talking ab the remakes.) And it's very clear with the remakes Leon has more of a spine and isn't allowing himself to be pushed around by her. Ppl infantilise him and make him seem stupid but it's like../. In re2r he is. A 21-year-old GROWN MAN. maybe a bit naïve but not some stupid little baby who can't tell Ada is fucking with him which is the way a lot of people paint him.

N e wayz this is long as hell u don't even have to respond😭just wanted this off my chest I love talking about their relationship.

anon, if we were together in person, i'd offer to take you out for a drink.

believe it or not, it even took me a long time to break away from that "aeon as default" mindset. it's only been since... may of this year that i've felt comfortable/confident enough to say that aeon has been de-canonized and eagleone is far closer to a canon romance than they are in the remake-verse.

RE6 has been out for 10 years, and the post i just made the other day where i first mentioned that RE6 ends with leon rejecting ada is the first time i've said that out loud/in public. because that "aeon as default" discourse is so prevalent and oppressive.

but we need to be willing to talk about these things openly and with our names attached if anything in the fandom is going to change. and it can't just be me, either. like i've said, my reach is very limited. but the fact of the matter is that aeon fandom has had a chokehold on the conversation surrounding this series for 25 fucking years, and their interpretation of the story is wrong.

it's just wrong.

it's incorrect.

it's not what the story actually is.

and it's being pitched to new fans without giving said new fans a chance to think or speak on their own. and the perpetuation of misinformation throughout this fandom continues.

people are finally starting the first rumblings of pushing back against the "leon's background is in the italian mafia" bullshit. we can push back on the aeon narrative, too.

because we should.

[saltypiss]

I think the worst part is the last person anyone would want to be """fighting""" republicans is Biden.

Man the next 4 years are gonna fucking suck. "better than dump" I'm old, man, been hearing it too long in various forms. Just because R's ramped up doesn't mean Dems remotely have. They clearly aren't good or trustworthy either.

Seriously local elections are gonna take a hit because dems are too focused on republican propaganda. "biden old" has never been a legitimate nor genuine argument. No one is seriously using that as their reason. Not one soul, they're just trying to make you change your opinion, not explain their own.

Not one soul is "protest voting" for trump and I guarantee the anecdotal handful will tell you that the Pro-Genociders pushed them to bring problems here as punishment for your lack of humanity. If genocide Will Happen, but you simply want it to not be your personal problem? Guess what dickhead, to some people the only solution to your inhumanity is double down hard enough nobody wins. Especially virtue signalling Pro-Genociders.

Ignore the propaganda and focus on your further splintering. Ya'll are dropping numbers that you WILL NOT recover when next election comes and Still there is No Candidate but Biden who just served his final term.

Who, after, Biden.

So far? Literally???? No one. Not a single person. Bernie ain't running again and Hilary would push me into actually protest voting against her. Who do you got?

How about right now? Who do you really think is better than Biden? No one? Jesus christ you're giving the next election to Dump at this rate, three election cycles vs half of 1? At Best? Don't think Kamala would be any better than Hilary in results.

Again, ya can't argue someone out of anti-genocidal beliefs because they're set in stone, once ya have that humanity and moral stronghold, it becomes apart of your character and ego, not having experienced that and telling the experienced and informed that they're actually wrong and you specifically are right? Very Republican.

Then lying about Biden calling for "an immediete ceasefire" only further splinters the dwindling numbers. He said nothing but pro-genocider bs and continued aiding in the genocide. All the US did at the UN much later, was Not Veto and Not Vote. They actively did nothing and a Lie spread around fast as shit that further divided pro-genociders into anti-genociders.

Again, After the Pro-Genocider, who? Because understand? If it's another genocider and you say "buh dump!" the veil comes off and permanently you push away youths who see through the bullshit. You cannot be children when it comes to this, use your critical thinking skills and understand the "fanbase" is at each other's throats because You Support A Genocide.

Dems should not be lying to fellow dems. Yet here we are. Pathetic how far this party fell under Biden so god damn quickly. Less than a year. My god.

We used to cheer the concept of accountability, humanity and empathy. Took 4 years of literally nothing done and telling people an entire country is a terrorist group in a single day for Dems to be as bad as R's.

I wouldn't be surprised if Biden is here to cripple the voting base by doing nothing during his 2 terms but letting R's get their way over and over again.

Like with Israel, ever notice that Republicans are Ravenously Fucking Excited for what they call and want to be a Genocide and Dems are Lying to you to get you to agree with the Republicans? Isn't it insane that Dem voters are Feverously Agreeing with the side they say Don't Vote For? I'm sorry? Why are Dems and Reps working together on a Genocide and you're okay with just the dems doing the genocide? You understand why people are withholding their votes now right? It's not his age. It never was. You were lied to. Again. By democrats, worst of all? Voters, and Politician, Lying to you like Republicans.

Just a sad man. Old sure, but that's never been why people hated him. Much like how there was 60 years of history before oct 7th, there's 60 years to look back on and see that Biden is abhorrent and only playing hero as lazily as possible.

I'd fucking LOVE to be confident in dem leadership but My God Ya'll???? What happened to leftists? What happened to Dems!?

I remember a post by someone, saying once they get Dump out, they were gonna go after EVERY problem. Raise minimum wage, raise taxes on the rich, cancel student loans, fix the police bullshit, arrest R's and D's for corruption remove citizens united, implement free healthcare, a UBI, make the internet less restricted, immigration completely fixed and fight against our enemies China and Russia and my god ya'll the hype was astronomical.

What happened? Ignore Literally Everything for a second but that hype. Focus on the fact that we're splitting the vote because half the party is Dear Leader-ing Biden like R's with Dump, Solely so they can defend his aid in a Genocide that's only okay with a Dem in charge, but not an R. Bare in mind, you're not interested in voting R at all, just holding Biden Accountable and Demanding Leadership.

Student loans didn't get cancelled the way that would help most, Biden made the police problem exponentially worse and Genocider Israel trains our cops, Biden is anti-union and my god no he did not help at all with the trains after the fact- If you disingenuously want to claim One (1) sick DAY is an accomplishment, I Will Vote For Trump I swear to god (this is a joke) UBI and free healthcare are dead in the water with Biden, the tax raise is good but fuck me if the innevitable next R pres after Biden doesn't go out of his way to severely lower it and then we pay more in response, citizens united is not being touched, KOSA and other BS that forces you to use your ID to go online and be tracked by the government even further to the point VPNs can't save you really goes to show that Dems really don't know shit about shit. And currently dems want to support Ukraine because fuck russia right? But are Immedietely able to support a genocide with bipartisan support and minimal theatrics, as their republican friends say "kill palestinian children" and Biden claims Palestine is Hamas, what the fuck. Happened. To Dems.

Then anytime you see any fucking footage of the dude before obama, he's sniffing kids and being racist as fuck, specifically attacking The Browns. Dude's got no energy and no spine. His comebacks to republican anythings are pathetically old persony and NOT what we need in the modern era.

If there was ever any truth to Biden's age being a problem? It's how detached from his voterbase he truly is. Diet Diet Obama in the worst ways, and I like Obama somewhat. Biden never mattered then other than as a meme, and he barely matters now.

If it was up to him and him alone he'd never get the president's seat. But the DNC forgo the possibility of alternatives Permanently apparently and Dump pushed him into a role he simply can't do well. And his VP is utterly worthless and awful.

Biden and Co came out to tell Anti-Genociders that they are Evil. If not wanting ya'll to steal Palestinian land for oil at the expense of their entire race makes me Evil, then I'm the devil, and it turns out? Probably better than god's shitty son anyways. Fuck off. I'm never voting Dem again, and that doesn't automatically mean I turn retarded and vote R. It just means if there is no third party then I ain't fucking interested. Shit either Falls or Improves and the person in charge ain't doin shit but allowing bad to happen anyways.

Fuck everyone for defending Genocide. You Broke the Party for a Genocidal Loser. Have Nothing for after the genocider's final term, and reprehensibly are okay with damage outside the country caused by us.

There is no hell and I thank Death that your bloodline will amount to nothing but bad blood in the dirty ground. May the infinity of the ethers of nothingness be the afterlife for you, alone for eternity.

Fuck You for making the world a worse place and then lying about every god damned thing to justify a God Damn Genocide. Fuck you for making progress and humanity further outdated concepts in the modern era. Was forgoing basic sympathy worth "owning the Rs"? Should we not be better than them?

According to Biden, All Dem Politicians but 5, and most dem voters, No. We should be as bad as Republicans but Larp that we actually care.

30k+ deaths, mostly children, Mass, Starvation, Man Made, More Israeli's dead by Israeli's hands than by Hamas. Israel claims Palestine was the cause of the Holocaust, not Nazis. What more needs to be said?

At this point, I've given up on being a good person. Because it's obvious the world is muddy enough that Genocide is okay so long as we like the person doing it more than someone else. Well hell, why bother with anything? Why be nice to service workers? Hell, why raise minimum wage or have free healthcare? Why not have no regulations? Why not just have a police state?

Nothing really matters. Not even Genocide. Your only other option to Pure Evil Incarnate is a Lying Pure Evil Incarnate that claims it's evil is actually moral.

I'm...stunned a Genocide is all it took to kill humanity, love, hope, seriously just Hope. Real confidence in the future...I thought we were set to grow and finally get better, but we're worse off than WW2 culturally. We know what a genocide is, but apparently genocide is okay if your country's primary religion is Jewish. Not when you actively aim to kill an entire race and culture through any means possible, ignore religion and focus on politics. Including Instagram Snuff channels. Those are also, okay actually. According to Democrats, Politician and Voting.

At least R's will be honest and say they hate brown people and love killing large groups of people they hate. Dems are just pussies. Fuck off. Go Larp your alternative history people will be horrified and shocked by reading in history books.

"How did a genocide happen again?"

"Well the Dems really hated this one guy..."

#democrats #Biden

[snekdood]

😬

the "leader" is more like "leaders". normally one might think of stalin or something, but hes just a blueprint, the actual leaders are the ones at the top of the social pyramid within these spaces, such as popular tankie blogs

this ones obvious. i dont feel like i need to say anything. we've all seen how ppl act on here when you question any of their beliefs or the effectiveness of them, etc. and if you challenge them at all or say you dont agree, suddenly you're a horrible person or even a bigot of some form

i underlined "denunciation sessions" bc theres a big emphasis on here to denounce the old "unwoke" parts of your life. not so that ppl should change for the better, but because there's a pressure to change immediately and throw all your old beliefs out the window without even really unpacking them. its their way or the highway and you have to choose right now and its not a multiple choice test. i also underlined "debilitating work" bc theres an emphasis on reblogging things to "spread awareness" or whatever as soon as it pops up on your dash, and if you dont, you're a horrible person, etc.

while i dont really think many of the options given necessarily apply, they sort of do. you dont need "permission" to date, but you'll be berated for dating the "wrong type of person". you'll be told to change or quit jobs if the job does something tumblr communities dont agree with, even if you need the job, and usually they'll call it "boycotting" to make it seem more legit. they'll discourage you from moving to any state or country that they deem isnt progressive enough.

this one goes without saying. instead of it being some random air of superiority, it's "we're the most moral, correct and progressive people" superiority

this one also goes w/o saying, people on here think incredibly black and white all the time, its definitely encouraged.

this one ALSO goes without saying

this one is obvious as evidenced the past two months. everyone saying "believe victims" and that "rape is always bad" in the past but then coming in to defend hamas' actions at every turn and deny the rape or even say that "if it did happen it was justified". which is a fucking wild way to think about the world and you should be locked up.

also obvious. tankies love to guilt trip. nevermind if it backfires on them and makes ppl resent them and move to the right after. i mean, after all, all they cared about was the power they had in telling ppl what to do, not actually giving a fuck about anything or having any convictions.

yes bc if you interact with anyone ppl on tumblr generally dont like, you'll also be shunned. if you have family members who aren't "progressive" enough and you still accept them into your life and hang out with them, even if you dont necessarily want to or dont necessarily like them fully, the fact you still interact with them at all is bad, apparently.

obviously, bc who would want to stick around a place like this once they realize whats really going on. its why they demonize ppl like me or anyone who questions them too much and pushes us to side, to use us as examples for the new, younger people coming in that they get to manipulate and tell them to avoid you and avoid being like you, since you ever dared to question them. they'll call you whatever they need to, make bullshit up about you, JUST to lure ppl in and tell them how much better they are than you, or that if you listen to them they can avoid being like you.

i mean. yeah? maybe it doesnt seem that way but. ppl asking for money all the time through paypal or whatever? or the overall goal of "taking the billionaires wealth and redistributing it", while its a statement i generally agree with, i dont trust that the people saying it will be that responsible, and would probably just hoard money for themselves, and deprive it from people they "dont like" on purpose, almost as revenge for a real or perceived slight, or just bc they dont like someones "bad vibes".

yeah you're apparently supposed to take having tumblr mutuals very seriously, treat them like best buds even though you've probably never messaged eachother or messaged eachother twice about inane things you saw on tumblr. its not a total stranger bc its someone on tumblr so its fine actually! see, they say they're queer and a leftist in their bio, totally safe! thats all it takes! also activism is reblogging or something ig

if you go to other sites, you're looked down upon. if you make friends outside of tumblr communities, you're looked down upon.

people feel like w/o the communities they've built on tumblr, they have no safety net elsewhere, probably bc they've cut contact with WAY too many people, probably plenty of people who didnt even deserve to be, and probably bc they disagreed on like 1 or 2 things. regardless, they cling to the tumblr "safety" net for dear life. "if no one else got me, i know tumblr got me, heres my paypal" essentially. you cant trust the world outside of tumblr to take care of you never of course, its all bad and horrible and can never be fixed or useful in any capacity, etc. burn it all down and start it again with tumblr users in charge and then it'll be perfect, or so they think.

#cults #ex cult #tankies #yall make progressives look so so bad. #yall actively hurt leftism at every angle. #the way ppl on this website act is no joke part of the reason why conservatives think leftists are in a cult. #its bc the more extreme of leftists kinda fuckin are #sure conservatives make shit up about us too like the whole 'child grooming' shit but they're still not exactly wrong for seeing #some of yall as culty. idk what to tell you. they just take advantage of the perception of the culty part of the left to push a narrative #about leftists in general and sprinkle in conspiracy theories for THEIR own rw cult to keep them in check and to maybe lure in #people who are paranoid- bc ppl have every reason to be paranoid of the culty parts of the left- but conservatives take that and then also #add in a couple lies for their own agenda and benefit. a mom could be concerned about drag queens talking to kids and maybe stumbled #upon kink discourse- maybe even possibly on here- and found minors interacting with the discourse and then goes to the right and they #say that 'yes the left wants to groom your kid into becoming gay and doing 'HEINOUS' 'brutal' kinks! and drag queens are part of it!' #or whatever tf along those lines. and then maybe shes still on the fence about it but some extremist on the left being ironic #embraces all these accusations and shitty perceptions and says they're true to- in their minds- push the right ppl away #even though theyre also pushing ppl on the fence to the right. maybe they do it out of irony or bc theyre just tired of the bs but either #way feeding into it actually doesnt help- not to surprise you! gotta be more careful around paranoid ppl. #your apathy about how you come off isnt always a good thing. #a better example might be when conservatives go 'oh the left is so horrible and violent' and ppl in the middle are like 'really?' and look #over to us for a moment and see the assholes in the back going on about gulags n shit along those lines- only confirming the bias #made against them.

[anti-transphobia]

I have so many rants about the kin community saved up. I'm not anti kin as in the initial form of it but I'm anti all the bullshit that's come from ableists mocking it. Like non psychotics mocked psychotic people endlessly and then decided to as a joke invade their community and steal their terms all the while mocking people who take it "too seriously" and continually pushed the psychotic people out until they were forced to eventually make new terms like "delusional attachment"

Huge rant about the past 5-10 years of kin community stuff on Tumblr incoming. Including a LOT of reality checking. Be warned

I see a lot of arguments from non psychotic people that like to "kin" that its not a psychotic thing. And hell, I've seen it from actually psychotic people who do kin who say it too! But while the ableism was evil and unwarranted, what was being said was true: it is a delusion. That is a fact. And part of the old community was....generally not acknowledging this. Because that's reality checking. Which can be dangerous. But the facts still remain - it was a mostly psychotic group. That doesn't make the beliefs any less real or important to the people involved. That's what a delusion is. And there's a lot of a deeper nuance to the kin community and psychosis and how to an extent it helped people with their delusions, but getting too involved made countless people worse. Double edged sword. I remember talking to many other psychotic people in the past who described their troubled relationship to a community that fed into delusions too much and could make it worse. But I'm not going to go into that right now.

Point is most kinners were either psychotic as a whole, part of a system and didn't realize it, had trauma that led to it being a coping mechanism, or hell even an animal regressor. It's a mentally ill thing, and that's okay! And there have always been people that struggled to acknowledge that, which I fully understand, because not only is that the nature of a delusion, but it really really sucks to be constantly bombarded with "it's not real, it's all in your head" and violent harassment from bigots and be told that yeah technically that's correct. Like a gay person being called gay as an insult. Just because it's correct it doesn't make it any less homophobic to mock someone for it. Doesn't mean the response needs to be to deny it though (though once again - I understand delusional people denying it because THAT'S LITERALLY PART OF DELUSIONS. Many people don't acknowledge it's a delusion until they've been out of the community for a while and have gotten better about it, from my experience)

I hate that I have to establish that it's a psychotic thing so hard but I do. Because people want to ignore it. Non psychotics want to downplay their role in what happened to the community. They made fun of kinners. They mocked a group of mentally ill people that were simply too weird for them. "I kin this" wasn't a pro kin joke. It was using that term to reference and make fun of otherkin by saying it whenever you related to something. This idea of "it's just relating to a character" became so pervasive that non psychotic people started to "kin"! They'd say they relate to a character (perfectly normal!!!) or have a strong attachment to one (perfectly normal esp for autistics!!!) and put them in a "kin list"!! So in that sense yeah the "kin" community is non psychotic because non psychotic people started using it for fun. As a joke

They even took "no doubles". Yeah. No doubles is ridiculous in a lot of contexts. Because that context was non psychotics taking it. Psychotic fictionkin said no doubles because it's a fucking delusion. And seeing someone else say they're the same person as you is one, reality checking, and two, *god damned terrifying*. Plenty of psychotic people are paranoid, that only makes it so much worse! "No doubles" was for mental safety. But of course down the line it just meant "I'm the boss of this character you're not allowed to like them as much as I do". It was entitlement. Sheer entitlement from non psychotics who saw the term, didn't even care to understand why people actually said it, and took it for their petty bullshit

The community grew more and more into people who either used kins as a completely lighthearted joke or just to mean characters they're really attached to/are part of their special interests. The problem isn't that people felt deep connections to characters. That's okay. The problem is taking another community's terms to do it. The problem is saying you're kin but then mocking the people who are "too" into it. The problem is kin being reduced to "relatable" so badly that people had to start using IRLs/delusional attachments. To start EMPHASIZING that it was a PSYCHOTIC ONLY THING. People have to beg to not be called kin now because the non psychotic associations make people not take it as seriously as it needs to be. Whether they were never part of the kin community before things got so much worse and genuinely don't know that it did used to be for them, or they are one of the people that were and were forced to abandon their old language. Regardless it's happened. And it's infuriating

I'm tired of non psychotics denying this history. Especially because I'm only referring to events that happened within the past 6-10 years. Not even the older history. Just the fairly recent stuff. They want to hold no accountability. They don't want to acknowledge that their "kinnie" jokes have always just been ableism. They don't want to remember that before they made their kin list, they mocked people for thinking they were animals. Take some accountability. Stop making shitty jokes. Even though there are PLENTY of people who still use kin genuinely, who still have a community, the damage has been done. They have to use disclaimers like "no kin for fun". And unlike the rest of you, still have to be careful and live in fear of harassment

#kinning #actually psychotic #reality check #i didn't go into soooo much here lmao #this is truly just a rundown #I'm not even going to bother going into the nuances of how the community itself affected psychotic people #basically it helped some hurt others helped a bit and then hurt even more #because when it comes to delusions and feeding into them you have to be really really careful #it's never been a 'normal' thing. it's for people who are ILL. and that's okay #it doesn't have to be for everyone #of course psychotic people who speak up on this tend to get harassed so lucky me #kin shit has led to me being harassed in the past when kinning wasnt even involved #basically. im paranoid about other people being me or stealing my identity and thoughts etc etc #in the past this blog actually used to get attention. like. many many years ago. and people were inspired to create their own blogs because #of me! that was fine. but one person copied my theme. like. being buttercup themed (in the past i had her name in my url) #and when i reacted poorly out of one. that paranoia. and TWO. the fact that terfs had created mockeries of my blog to harass me #i wasnt happy about it. this got chalked up to kin drama and i got yelled at by a ton of people for bringing kin drama into shit #it wasn't kinning at all. but because of the perception of 'kin is just liking a character ' thats what it was seen as #not someone who has literally had blogs made to impersonate and mock them who already had a fear of someone else being them or being another #person #that fear stemming from both my psychosis and dissociative disorder #but once again non psychotics dont give a shit and accused me of starting drama unnecessarily #and 'harassing a minor off the site' (they were literally older than me and all i did after initially expressing displeasure was say #that the antisemitic thing they said Wasnt Okay) #theres just so much to say on this topic that i can't because i need to lay the groundwork of this conversation every god damned time #because people wanna deny the type of people that made up the community and the damage they did #once again these communities weren't eradicated but the impacts on the Tumblr community at least were HUGE. twitter also has the same issues #due to all the ex tumblr users there. and general cultural osmosis #but it wasnt and still isn't as big of a thing as it ever was here #anyway if youre a non psychotic kinner who sees this and gets mad. too bad <3 dni

[jessicasnow]

I'm a Reverend, a Witch, and a Psychopath.

People really think that the way into The After (the afterlife, heaven, nirvana, valhalla, whatever you believe in) is having 10 holes punched on your "church attendance/people recruited" punch card or some stupid fuckery. Quite frankly, Sir, I... disagree.

I'm high enough, so let's get into this.

Okay, so I am a reverend and I have been a solitary, eclectic, secular witch since I was 6 years old. I am now 30 and I am no longer secular... I have chosen to work with Yahweh, the Abrahamic Christian god, earlier in 2021. I am Reverend Jessica Snow of the Sanctuary of Lilith - more on that later. I became ordained on Yule of 2021. December 21st, for the non-witches (Cowens) as a way to celebrate my witchy holiday with an exit of my old beliefs and the welcoming of my new ones.

Before becoming a reverend, I took time away from the physical and from the emotional and focused on the psyche. It was fucking hard. It was difficult and there were many times where the existentialism made me feel so fucking small... so unheard... yet so very big and all-powerful, but at the same time I just wanted to straight up die so that I could live. It was all very... confusing and difficult. It was not impossible. The world looks different to me now... and all this "fear" and "shame" is bullshit... so here we go: 

This is What I Believe Yahweh Truly Wants of Us:

I am not pushing my beliefs, I am just explaining mine.

The TL;DR is that I've come to my own personal conclusion that Yahweh, aka "God" (as if there's only one) does not want our worship or servitude. He wants our cooperation and our one job is to not contribute to the wicked.

The Long Vomit:

With a lot of experimentation with cPTSD treatments, I've of course come to know Delta 8 THC. Before you go Oh well of course, she got high and now she thinks she's woke, I want to point out I don't believe in "woke"... I believe in tapping into one's own psyche and just understanding themselves more. I'm not a goddamn lunatic. Well... I am, but that's another post. What I'm saying is... let me explain:

My brain is damaged with cPTSD due to a very hard, sexually violent childhood. With very little available to treat cPTSD, one naturally flutters over to THC. A brain with cPTSD on Delta 8 THC will calm and think much clearer, maybe slower, and rationally.

With breathing space for once in all my 30 years of existence, I was able to come to terms with a lot of things.

1) It was never God's fault. I blamed someone I claimed not to believe in. If God did exist... was it even God's fault that my father decided to be wicked? My father chose to use his free will that way - God didn't do it to me, my father did. Well, why didn't God answer my prayers and stop my father's evil acts? Comin' right up:

2) Yahweh cares for our psyches. If we were to look upon God himself, we would simply die of energy overload. That's why there is an angel hierarchy to deliver our prayers. Angels exist as the messengers because they can withstand god's divine energy. My theory for why our prayers seem to go unanswered is because we try to pray to Yahweh instead of asking the principalities to grant us logical, reasonable, realistic prayers. That is their literal purpose.

3) Yahweh, God, is not all-powerful or all-knowing. Don't get offended, hear me out. Yahweh/God is a being of divine light energy. Energy may be a constant, but it is not an instantly renewable source. Big mass of energy uses a shit ton of energy... and that energy needs time to replenish. On the seventh day, God rested... not because He wanted to, but because He needed to.

4) God Doesn't Want our Worship. Refer to point #2, Angels: There is a special species of angel called Thrones, and their job is to encircle Yahweh, on a loop, forever, hailing him and praising him. My theory is that maybe this is to constantly give Yahweh the energy he needs to renew and cleanse via the process of intentional energy -- Yahweh does not need our worship, but our cooperation.

5) God Might be a Newly Ascended Being.So the idea of ascension is all about the psyche and spirituality becoming a cooperation. Healthy psyche = healthy spirituality. Ascension is simply the more metaphysical word for "leveling up". Uh... if we must, we can call it "getting woke fam", but I'd rather not.  So my point here is... the earth is pretty young and Yahweh made it all not that long ago.

6) Yahweh is new at this. The bible is simply a diary he kept, explaining to us how God changed over time. He ascended enough that he could now create and manifest his own realities in such a way they become physical, a psyche thing. He created man to help him learn how to be a good creator, maybe. Gifting us free will also gave us the freedom to learn, research, and form our own opinions and feelings. God wants us to cooperate. Work with him.

7) There Is a Way to Define "Sin". Anything that causes harm to another or to the self for malicious means, either by free will or by negligent psychological issue, for any reason other than consumption of nutrients and resource; Wickedness  -- use your common sense.

So... I'm open for questions. I will not be answering "How does it feel knowing you're going to Hell for being a witch and claiming to believe in God at the same time?" because my answer is always gonna be the fuckin' same:

1) I have credentials that prove I am a reverend. That makes me a reverend. I practice witchcraft unironically. That makes me a witch.

2) I'm sorry for whatever your parents did to you, but it's legitimately rude to project onto other people, especially just because they're clearly happier than you at their most miserable point. Please take your punch card and go do some hail Marys, because honeeey... that judging is a job that belongs to someone waaaay more qualified than you. Blessed be and ooga-booga, Baby.

#religion #spirituality #god #gods #goddesses #yahweh #christianity #psycho-spirituality #Secular #cooperation over worship #do not worship #worship is wrong #cooperation is what yahweh wants #witches are not wicked

[orionsangel86]

SPN Conspiracies - Applying Logic to Chaos

Its been over 2 months now since the Supernatural finale aired. I am still so angry, hurt, and confused by it and I don’t think I will ever get closure unless someone like Andrew Dabb, or Jensen Ackles, actually opens up and gives us an explanation that makes sense.

What annoys me most right now is people trying to gaslight fans into believing that we should accept the narrative we have been given at face value: That the finale was always planned to be that way, that Destiel was never on the cards, that there was no Network interference, that the only changes made were due to covid and were minor at best.

This harmful gaslighting is FALSE.

NO ONE KNOWS THE TRUTH OF WHAT HAPPENED.

Look, I don’t agree with some of the crazier conspiracy theories. I don’t believe that there was some huge campaign among the CW Network execs to remove anything remotely gay out of homophobia. I don’t believe that the finale was changed because of some desire to make it into a Walker promo. I don’t believe that the finale was really bad on purpose in protest by Dabb for not getting to do an ending he truly wanted. I don’t believe that Dabb left us smart fans a bunch of secret messages in the finale to hint that he was on our side all along and that everything was fake.

I do, however, believe that all of these conspiracy theories have some elements in them that are plausible. At least, more plausible than the bullshit narrative mentioned above that some people are pushing in some desperate attempt to defend the Network (which imo is really strange behaviour anyway - why would anyone care about a TV network with a history of terrible behaviour?!?)

We have facts, based on information provided before the covid lockdown, which for some reason, people like Misha have since backpeddled on. So let me try to outline some of the information that makes no sense.

Below the cut I go on a deep dive into the conspiracies and statements I have heard about the SPN finale and try to make some sense of this whole fucked up situation. It gets long.

1. “Cas was never gonna be in the finale”.

False: We have many fan accounts of Misha confirming that he was filming the finale. We have video evidence of Misha confirming he was going back to film the finale after the lockdown. We have confirmation from fans in Misha M&Gs from March that he had about 5 days of filming left.

We also had fan accounts of discussions with Alex Calvert (I think) where he confirmed the final shot of the final episode was all four of them though I would LOVE if someone can find a source for this.

2. Okay, Misha was gonna be in the finale, but only as Jimmy Novak

False: I heavily side eyed Misha when he said this. But I think I can come up with a plausible explanation for it. Per above, Misha was supposed to film for 5 days. This does not align with the half a day he described of filming as Jimmy Novak. My own belief is that after Cas was cut from the finale (for whatever reason we don’t know) someone (probably Jensen Ackles) put up a fight and complained that Misha should be there for the final episode. The writers probably tried to come up with a way to bring Misha back without having to deal with Cas, and pitched the idea of Jimmy Novak being in Heaven. Misha, obviously annoyed about this, turned this stupid pitch down.

3. Destiel was never a thing, never planned, never part of Dabb’s ending. Bobo and Misha pushing the confession was the part of the season that was Wrong.

False: We have a SPN writer on record saying that Castiel’s confession was the first thing written for Season 15 when the writers returned to the writers room. If it wasn’t planned, why was it the first thing written, why does it align so well with the rest of season 15? Look I know some people either a. hate destiel and refuse to see it even if it slaps them in the face, or b. have major heteronormative goggles on, or c. are just homophobes in denial, but 15x18 fits in perfectly with the narrative of season 15. Everything Cas says, everything that happened in that scene was so in character it just works. It fit. If you just rewatch the season whilst applying some critical thinking skills and pay attention to the narrative and character arcs, trust me, the confession fits in with pretty much every other plot point, and character story in the season.

Also: We have known for a while that the network did market research into Destiel, wanting to know if it would go down well or not. They were well aware of its popularity and considering it. Where would this have come from if not pitched by the showrunner? Dabb must have at least been considering it. If you take all of Dabb era into consideration, starting with mid season 11, all the way through the season 12 build up, season 13 grief arc, and then Bobo’s Destiel break up arc in late season 14, early season 15, it is clear that there was some toing and froing on the issue of Destiel, but ultimately, I still believe that Dabb was on board. He wrote 13x01 for christs sake. No way he wasn’t taking it seriously.

 4. It’s always been about the brothers. The finale just stays true to what Supernatural is all about.

*rubs temples* Fundamentally FALSE: The show has time and again reasserted the message of “Family don’t end with blood”, as well as the messages of AKF and YANA. Sam and Dean may be at the heart of the show, but a heart can’t exist without a body to support it. Without bones, and lungs, and blood, and muscles, and a BRAIN. The finale abandons the shows core messages. It forces the characters back into their season 1 characterisations and the whole thing becomes hollow and souless. But I’m not here to complain, I’m here to lay down the facts. Dean’s heaven was supposed to be surrounded by loved ones right? We know OG Charlie Bradbury was gonna be in his Heaven, we also know CAS was gonna be in there. So this idea that the finale as it currently stands was how it was meant to be is wrong. Dean was supposed to die and reunite with his found family and loved ones. This alone would have been a far better ending than the one given. Do I think this was solely a covid issue? Fuck no.

The randoms that WERE in the finale are proof alone that they could have got people in and quarantined. We also have several actors on record saying that they WOULD have quarantined for the finale had they been asked to return but they WEREN’T.

Lies have been told. Samantha Ferris and Chad Limberg have confirmed that we have been lied to about the original plans for the finale.

This alone is proof enough that there is more plausibility in some of the conspiracy theories than any bullshit narrative some people are pushing in defence of the barbaric mess of a finale we were given.

So lets address some of the conspiracy theories now:

Conspiracy No.1: The CW Network reviewed Supernatural during the covid break, and due to homophobia, refused any Destiel arc that wasn’t already filmed, shut down any potential reciprocation from Dean, and forced Dabb to change his finale.

I don’t think this is entirely what happened. But I do think it is very strange how there is a such a huge disconnect particularly in Dean’s characterisations between what had come before the lockdown, and what came after. The one fact we have here, and please someone provide a source if you can find it because I know there is one, the finale script was still going through changes up to only 2 weeks before it was filmed. We know that there was some weird editing in 15x18 (which was still in post and uncompleted before lockdown) and we know from Jensen’s own mouth that there was more to the confession scene on Dean’s side that was cut. We also know that this isn’t the first time that Destiel heavy moments have been changed in post - the prayer scene is another big scene that went through a lot of changes and Bobo fought to have his script play out the way he wanted it.

There are certain things that in my own opinions, are basically true of SPN which I have put together from years of keeping one eye on the writers room, the network, and all the various comments made. My opinion is this:

The writers room has always been split on Destiel. Some writers heavily supported making it canon, others did not care, or were against it.

The Network considered it over the course of several years, did market research, green lit it, then changed their minds, possibly several times over the course of Dabb’s era. Destiel was pitched to the Network early in Dabb era.

The crew on set were also split. Some people heavily supported it, and worked to assist the reading, whereas others did not care/did not support it. The same can be said for the editing room.

Bob Singer supported the subtextual homoeroticism, but never supported bringing it into text (this is an opinion, but I think it aligns with everything we know about him.) IMO Bob Singer also supported subtextual homoeroticism between Sam and Dean - the guy is gross is what I’m saying. He isn’t exactly a progressive person.

Fun fact - a while back our old enemy Sera Gamble went on a Twitter rant about writers rooms and the ways a script goes through changes. I don’t think this was in relation to the SPN finale wank but she basically inadvertantly confirmed that the Network can step in and make sweeping changes to a script if they want to and if they decide they don’t like the direction of a story. Sera Gamble confirmed this as a fact.

Now. I’m not saying that this is what the CW did with Destiel. I just think its very strange how pre lockdown, the last thing filmed is a heartfelt homosexual declaration of love between Dean and Cas, and we have a finale script that Misha had not seen, but knew that he was meant to film as Castiel for 5 days (5 days on set is over half of an episode as far as I know). Then all of a sudden, Covid happens, and Cas is cut from the finale completely, a desperate attempt to bring Misha back only as Jimmy Novak takes place, which Misha rightly refuses, leading to a finale which makes zero sense narratively and appears in every way completely and utterly butchered.

The only explanation provided by anyone involved is that Covid meant changes had to happen - but that covid didn’t change the actual story at all.

But this makes no sense because we know that Cas was cut from the finale. This is FACT. Do not let anyone gaslight you into thinking otherwise. Misha was preparing to quaranting to return to set as Cas post Covid, so whatever happened to cut Cas from the finale, it wasn’t Covid.

I’m gonna have to Occum’s Razor this and say that the most logical explanation here is the one that is most likely true. Someone got cold feet with the Destiel story, and to prevent any possible interpretation that included Dean reciprocating, any hints of Destiel were removed from the finale script, including Castiel’s whole appearance.

Now, this isn’t me saying I think that Dabb’s original finale was full of Destiel love confessions and a homosexual kiss or whatever, but I am asking you all to really think about it and ask yourselves WHY Cas would have been totally cut from an episode he was supposed to be in at LEAST half of? 

We will probably never know the real reason Cas was cut, but he WAS cut. I’m not saying it was all homophobia, but some fuckery went down.

Conspiracy No. 2: The CW Network changed the finale to make it into a Walker promo because they only cared about raising up Jared and not Jensen and Misha as they were losing them anyway.

I don’t agree with this in terms of the finale being butchered solely to make it into a Walker promo. There are however moments in the finale that are clearly supposed to be Walker Easter Eggs and added to excite fans of Jared/Sam in particular such as Sam’s gratuitous and unnecessary topless scene, as well as the call on the “case in Austin”.

I will take this moment to say something pretty damn controversial though.

*Deep breath*

The fact is, Dean Winchester has been the “lead” character of Supernatural’s narrative for years now, with Sam often being sidelined and not given great storylines himself. Even in Season 15, right up until the finale, I myself felt bad for Sam sometimes because so much of this show has become all about Dean. Jensen Ackles is clearly the better actor when it comes to emotional story arcs, so the emotional heart of the story has most often leant on him.

So you can understand my confusion, when this is turned on its head in the final episode, to make Sam carry all the emotional weight, and have the most lines/screentime, and story resolution (even if his story resolution was just as crappy as Dean’s).

If we pretend that Destiel is not a thing, and ignore Cas’s confession, the story change in the finale from Dean focus to Sam focus is still rather suspicious. Again, I’m not saying I completely approve of or agree to the conspiracy theory that Walker influenced the butchering of the script, but I can believe that perhaps a note went down from the CW to someone like Bob Singer, to emphasise Sam/Jared more than they perhaps would normally, because the CW wanted to shine the spotlight on Jared to raise excitement for Walker.

I can also believe this note might have said something like “we wanna cater to fans of Sam/Jared the most - don’t do anything to piss them off.” but now I am getting into my own conspiracy theories so by all means dismiss this as me being bitter.

Conspiracy No.3: Dabb purposely made it bad, as a secret message to Destiel fans that he had been silenced, by layering meta clues into the episode that he knew fans would notice.

I doubt this one is true. Though some of the theories are quite compelling. The old vampire silent movie theory for instance starts off quite well, but loses me the moment it brings up Urban Dictionary slang.

Sometimes I have just had to accept that Supernatural is a bad show that is sometimes accidentally a masterpiece. However, some writers really did go That Deep with their stories - anything by Ben Edlund or Steve Yockey for instance, their episodes are meta masterpieces with a hundred different layers of beautiful subtextual storytelling and are a joy to analyse. Bobo Berens has certainly done some A+++ work especially now we KNOW that he was working hard all this time to bring Destiel to canon text (so any analysis of Destiel in the subtext in his episodes is very accurate). There have been many other key elements analysed over the years which have been confirmed true. Cas’s death in Season 12, Dean’s time as a demon in season 10, Season 11 ending in unity of dark and light, these were all plot points predicted by meta writers just by analysing the narrative. Sometimes the writers really have been very smart and they do add things to the show to aid us in our meta.

Richard Speight Jr for instance, confirmed that SPN has a visual library that the production team use to give clues and hints in the narrative. Pizza, for example, always means a lie has been told. Whenever Pizza is being eaten or even just mentioned on screen, there is dishonesty in that particular moment.

The beers also have a very specific message and the one thing I can’t let go about the finale, was that Dean was drinking El Sol beer. The beer his dad gave him, that was terrible.

El Sol has been used in the show to indicate something being wrong, a fake reality, or another lie, for the longest time. It is the beer of deception.

The fact that in the final episode of this entire show, Dean is in Heaven, supposedly at peace, and then he gets handed an El Sol beer to drink? Thats a HUGE red flag for any meta writer watching who can read SPNs visual library.

If they had given him the Margiekugel beer of family then it would make sense. Dean is in Heaven, with Bobby, his family, at peace. Margiekugel should have been the beer of choice. But nope. El Sol. Something is wrong.

I don’t know if it was Dabb, or Singer, or some disgruntled ADs and crew members who added these elements into the finale, but their very presence confirms some message of Wrongness.

I could go into a huge rant about Vampire Mimes not making sense and the very glaringly obvious symbolism of cutting out peoples tongues too, but that is high school level film analysis. It’s obvious. It means to silence someone. There is validity in interpreting this as Dabb saying he was silenced. I don’t know how true it is, but i can’t 100% dismiss it, because as I said, this is high school analysis levels of obvious subtextual storytelling.

So in summary, whilst I don’t think that Dabb intentionally went out of his way to sabotage his own script, and leave a breadtrail of secret messages for savvy fans to put together to confirm that he was silenced by an evil network into not getting what he wanted... I do think that there is validity in questioning these odd choices for the finale. Cutting out tongues? Vampire Mimes? El Sol beer?

The evidence is somewhat compelling is all I’m saying. I don’t believe the full conspiracy theories, but as I have said many times before, some fuckery went down.

So What Do I Believe?

That some fuckery went down and whatever company line they are pushing is bullshit.

I believe that the original script included Cas (since thats fact). I believe that the original script probably always had Dean dying on a vampire hunt (due to Jensen’s issues with it and in particular, his sarcastic comments about vampires in the past year or so which in hindsight are hilarious and prove he never really came to terms with Dean’s idiotic death). I believe Dabb’s original script was some less crappy version of what we got, which potentially included showing Jack rescuing Cas from the Empty and resolving the outstanding Empty plot points (potentially this was actually a 15x19 plot since Mark P commented that his final scenes were supposed to be with Jack and Cas), had Cas reunite with Dean in Heaven and had them have a discussion about Cas’s confession. I believe that there was probably a lot of back and forth over how to handle that with some people wanting Dean to obviously reciprocate and others believing they should keep it ambiguous. I believe that Dean and Cas would have reunited with Charlie Bradbury, and Bobby Singer, and possibly others (though if this was the case it must have been very early on since no one ever looped in Sam Ferris, Chad Linberg or any other Roadhouse people).

I believe that Sam’s ending probably didn’t change much, but I do feel that initially they were planning on him ending up with Eileen, because it is the only thing that narratively makes sense. Cutting Eileen and giving him a blurry wife is something I won’t ever understand and Jared’s bullshit explanations are quite clearly pulled out of his ass to appease bronly types. I believe the reunion on the bridge would have included Cas and Jack, with a final shot of all four of them together, at peace (as this aligns with Alex’s comments from around a year or so ago that the final shot was all four of them). (I also am not sure it was always supposed to be on a bridge since the foreshadowing in an earlier episode showed Dean, Cas and Sam all in the Roadhouse together).

I believe that script went through countless changes and redrafts, and not even production people or the types that some fandom people claim as their “sources” would even have seen those early scripts, since even Misha never saw it. I believe that these rumours of Dabb never having Cas in his finale and ignoring all Destiel elements likely come from people who only saw later versions, weren’t party to network discussions and felt bitter about the final scripts they did see (being the crappy butchered one that was ultimately filmed). Those “sources” are now spreading rumours to discredit Dabb.

I obviously believe Dabb is a weak ass pushover who either didn’t care enough to fight back, or gave up since he’s been stuck with fucking Bob Singer on his back for years, but I will NEVER believe he didn’t care about the DeanCas love story, because he has been one of the few writers who has championed for it for years. You can’t look back at Dabb’s episodes in earlier seasons and claim he didn’t care. Dabb was a writer whose creative ideas were beaten out of him by an unforgiving Network only concerned about where their future money was coming from. Do I think he gave up too easily? Yes. But I also have one other huge reason for not believing the bullshit about Dabb being this anti-Destiel villain.

Bobo. Because if Bobo truly believed Dabb was gonna fuck that up at the end, I don’t think he would have given us Cas’s love confession to begin with. If he had known it was gonna end like that, I think he would have reconsidered, because had Cas not confessed his love, I don’t think he would have been cut from the finale. Bobo - a gay man, would not have wanted such a horrible message for queer fans being put across in the show he worked so hard on. He started writing that confession scene the day they returned to the writers room. Dabb would have been there, would have seen what he was writing, probably discussed it with him, after all, other episodes were written with the confession in mind. No way was Dabb planning to fuck up the ending knowing what Bobo was giving us. Nope.

Something went very wrong over lockdown. Someone, somewhere up the chain of power caught wind of the confession scene in 15x18, realised that it demanded a resolution which would make Dean Winchester, their protagonist, queer, and pulled the plug. I believe this did not come from a place of homophobia, but of bad business sense.

The CW is constantly trying to win the approval and attention of the one demo group that they seem to fail at getting the most: young straight men. Supernatural was one of their only remaining shows that appeals to young straight men, and Dean Winchester is more often than not the fave character of those young straight men who project onto him. Making Dean Winchester, established Han Solo of Supernatural, queer and in love with his best friend in the finale would have come across as a betrayal to those young straight men. The CW probably feared they would lose that demo group for good, and with a show like Walker starting soon with Jared at the helm, they couldn’t take the risk.

Hence there was probably a whole bunch of back and forth script redrafts with the Network, with Dabb and Singer fighting to make a finale that would appeal to everyone. There was most likely no way that they could bring Cas back without addressing what had already been filmed, because any resolution of that plot would either a. make Dean queer, or b. address it awkwardly by having Dean reject Cas (this storyline would probably have been slammed by critics worse than the finale because it meant addressing it. It might have got the attention of LGBTQ activist groups and caused a bigger shitstorm than what we got). The best option was therefore C. Bury it and Cas, pretend it never happened. Never address it again and distract Dean with other things. Hope that Destiel fans will accept no answer from Dean as ambiguous enough to imagine a future reunion rather than shutting it down with a rejection, and still keep hold of the blissfully ignorant heteronormative straight boys so they can carry over to Walker when it starts.

I also believe (controversially probably) that there was concern that any resolution of Dean and Cas would have overshadowed network darling Jared Padalecki. If Dean and Cas had come together in the finale, with a very clearly textual homosexual reunion, then that would have been all anyone talked about. The reviewers, the critics, the audience, everyone. It would have been nothing but Dean and Cas (and look, if they did think this, they were right, Destiel trending over the US ELECTION.)

So what is the network to do, when they are losing the two stars who would get the most attention from this storyline? The one star they were holding on to and getting his own show, relegated to third place in the finale of the show where he was first on the call sheet? Nope. That’s pretty unacceptable. Even without Walker I can imagine people at all levels side eyeing the Destiel thing over the years. This IS a show about two brothers, and their relationship should be the core relationship, we can’t have one brother pushed aside in the finale to make way for a queer relationship that will get all the attention instead. It was never gonna get approved for this reason ALONE.

At the end of the day, if I look at it from a business perspective, it makes far more sense that the CW shut down Destiel, rather than “oh Dabb never cared and ruined it because he’s an idiot.” The writers cared, and had built on that story over years. But their mistake was leaving any Destiel resolution to the finale. If they had instead gone and got Dean and Cas together in early season 15, then they could have ended it in a way that satisfied everyone. Destiel wouldn’t have threatened pulling focus away from Sam and Dean, and the show could have gone out on a high.

When I lay out all the conspiracy theories, and line them up next to the cold hard facts, the conspiracy theories in some way or another, make more sense. To believe the company line, the narrative we have been fed, is to ignore your own eyes, ears, and memories pre March 2020.

All I’m asking people to do is take a look at the show, the narrative presented in the show, and the information presented above. I’m not telling you to believe what I’ve written here, half of which is just my own opinion. I’m asking you to ask yourselves if it makes sense to you. Because it sure as hell doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied.

#destiel #deancas #supernatural #spn finale conspiracies #fandom conspiracies #anti spn finale #castiel #dean winchester #destiel is canon #and also not canon i guess #forever stuck in a state of almost #schrodingers destiel #the rancid nutwork #anti CW #my opinions #plus a whole bunch of logic #and a refusal to believe blatant lies #meta essay #I wrote this all out in one afternoon #because it got too much for my brain #and i was fed up of all the info going around #and the mockery #reducing destiel shippers once again to deluded teenagers #which we are not #nor have we ever been #anyway i now feel a sense of calm #and peace #and i am going to make some tea

[disgruntledspacedad]

Javier Peña and commitment

a better love series  character analysis

Okay, not-so-briefly, let me finish what I started with this post, and say a few more words about Javier Peña and commitment. 

I think typical fanon describes Javi as a rogue, smoky, commitment-phobe man slut. The kind of guy who never settles down because he’s too busy having fun with his hookers. And yeah, at first glance, that’s a valid assumption. Javi definitely puts off that vibe. Hell, I think he even believes that of himself. 

I call bullshit, though. 

Javi is obviously an affection starved softie who is seeking intimacy and human contact. He just doesn’t know how to get it. Watch how deeply he connects with each of the women he sleeps with. He publicly greets the hookers in Medellín by name (like seriously what man does this??) and his relationship with Gabby seems intensely personal. He cares about what happens to her. He’s sweet, almost tender with her. 

This is a man with a huge heart and deep, unfulfilled needs.

Now, let me tease apart what I think happened that scarred Javi so profoundly.

I want to start with his family life. 

Now, a lot of this falls deep into headcanon territory, but this entire post is in context of Better Love, so that’s fine. However, I don’t think it’s too far off the mark for canon Javi, too. Just things to bear in mind.

Okay, so in The Kingpin Strategy, Chucho makes references to the fact that Javi has always been free spirited and idealistic. “You couldn’t wait to get out of here.”

Javi says, “It was right here, wasn’t it? The last time we had this conversation.” He sounds resentful, frustrated.

And Chucho replies, “You didn’t listen to me then, either.”

Man oh man, this says a lot. There’s a lot of reference to some very old bitterness, most (but not all of it) on Javi’s end. Let’s break it down.

In Better Love, Javi lost his mom to colon cancer when he was nineteen. We know from canon that he was chomping at the bits to get out of town, so I kind of think that Javi packed his bags the day that he turned eighteen and left. He’s from a small, close knit family, and him taking off into the blue without any warning would have shocked them. It would have hurt. 

The fact that he and Chuco have their conversation in the driveway is telling, too. 

I think Javi spent some significant time estranged from his family, and things were probably still rocky between them when his mom passed away. Colon cancer can be pretty subtle. Javi’s mom didn’t get a diagnosis until it was far too late for effective treatment. It would have hit her hard and fast, and she and Javi may not have had much time to reconcile. Hell, she was upset by Javi leaving - she may not have even told him what was going on.

Ouch.

Now, Javi is a guy that silently shoulders all of the responsibility that he’s not meant to carry, and he’s absolutely going to blame himself for taking off like that, and for being too stubborn to call home and check on Mom. Her death is the first in a series of wounds that lead to Javi’s (very misguided) belief that he’s a shit human, when truly, nothing could be further from the truth. 

Next, let’s talk about Lorraine. 

We know from Javi’s conversation with Steve that he thinks Lorraine was better off without him, giving us another glimpse of that deep seated self-loathing that we know he carries. Javi almost sounds wistful, like he regrets leaving her. Certainly, he regrets hurting her (more proof that Javi is actually a pretty sensitive guy - he knows he fucked up). But then we actually meet Lorraine in season three, and there’s something really weird there. 

Now, granted, Javi left her at the alter. Things are bound to be weird. But look at how he’s drawn to her, like he just can’t help crossing the room to see her again, even years later. That was the first big red flag for me. 

Then, watch how Lorraine treats him. She’s dismissive, pretty biting. And okay, yeah, she’s well within her right to be bitter. But then she says this:

“Can you imagine if we actually were married?”

Like, scoffs it. Guys, that’s a pretty serious dig. Lorraine is implying that Javi is beneath her, that he could never, ever be decent husband material. And watch his reaction. He takes this cut like he’s used to taking this cut from her. I don't know, but to me, it just reeks of a history of toxicity.

Men are absolutely capable of being the victims of toxic relationships and emotional abuse. I mean, duh. But try telling that to Javier Peña, with his tendency to internalize and self destruct. 

It would make a lot of sense to me that their relationship was built on this type of fucked up interaction, with Lorraine constantly pushing Javi to be this perfect dude with a white picket fence, and constantly calling him on his “failure” to do so. Maybe some of it was rooted in racism and classism - Lorraine seems like she could be that petty, materialistic type. Maybe Javi just wasn’t ready to settle down. 

Remember, too, that Javi’s love language is acts of service. He’s not a super romantic guy in the traditional sense, but he wants to do things for the person he loves, practical, tangible things to keep them safe and happy. If Javi thought that he could do better by Lorraine by putting a ring on her finger, it might be pretty easy to persuade him that he “ought” to do that, especially if there’s a continued history of verbal abuse. Remember that we tend to believe the things our abusers say about us, and that most of the time, this stuff starts subtle. If Lorraine is constantly suggesting that Javi’s not good enough for her, eventually, he’s going to fucking believe it. 

And consider the fallout of skipping town on your wedding day. No matter if the relationship is healthy or not, men tend to get the short end of the stick when it comes to breakup sympathy, and to leave a pretty woman like Lorraine waiting at the alter? My god, people would have been vicious to Javi. 

He probably believed all of the shitty things they said about him.

Javi threw himself into his career, and between a dangerous, high stress job with the DEA and never addressing these old hurts (Javi just doesn’t do that, you know), what you wind up with is a deeply wounded, “self sufficient” (read: emotionally constipated) man with raging self esteem issues and an intense fear of emotional intimacy. Now, all of this shit might have scarred Javi, but it doesn’t change his nature. Javi has a huge heart, he’s fiercely idealistic, and he desperately wants to do the right thing. And we all need love and human connection. 

Javi just denies this emphatically. 

But the ugly truth is, Javi avoids long term relationships because he thinks he doesn’t deserve them. It’s not even about being hurt again, not anymore. He almost sees it as an ethical thing, dammit. Give this boy a hug. 

This is why it took a fucking bomb to get him off his ass and admit his feelings for Ears. Javi would never, ever have done that without something very radical catching his attention. He would have let Ears walk straight out of his life, and yeah, it would have torn him to pieces, and he’d have always regretted it and wondered ‘what if,’ but that fear is an old, deeply rooted thing. That’s why I have Ears sort of pick up on the gravity of Javi saying, “I’m all in,” to her at the end of The Rules of Engagement. She’s not eloquent, but she’s pretty intuitive, and she knows that a commitment is something that Javier Peña does not take lightly.

And let me just say this about commitment: Javier Peña is a man who honors his fucking commitments. Watch what he’s willing to do for his informants - he always, always puts their wellbeing first, even before his own, even before the integrity of the hunt for the cartels. 

And Javier Peña is beyond devoted to bringing down the cartels. Like, that’s his entire arc in the show, right?

He’s committed to justice, too. Like fiercely, will do fucking anything to make things right, to make them fair. He wants to do the right thing so much it burns.

So, I don’t think it’s fair at all to say that Javier Peña is a man who fears commitment. He fears intimacy, while at the same time, he craves it. He fears human connection, when really, that’s the thing he needs most. 

But he doesn’t fuck around once he decides something. 

Which is the really, really fun thing about Better Love. For the first time, we get to see Javier Peña, the idealist who wears his poorly disguised heart blatantly on his sleeve, the man who goes for broke trying to get things done, the man who’s passions literally destroy him, in an intensely emotional relationship with another human. One who is just as devoted to him in return. 

So, anyway, if you’re still reading this, wow. I just wanted to babble about how Javier Peña is far more than brooding testosterone. Actually, he’s a very soft boy who needs patience and a lot of healing, and somebody who is willing to meet him exactly where he is and love him because of it.

And I want to give him that. 

#Javier Peña #Javier Peña x reader #narcos #narcos netflix #pedro pascal #Javier Peña headcanon #Javier Peña imagine #Javier Peña x you #better love #the rules of engagement #i will spam you guys about this precious disaster couple for as long as you let me

[dinpascal]

All a Game — Din Djarin

warnings: (18+) language/dirty talk, rough sex (piv), oral (m+f), hair pulling, orgasm denial, (kind of) hate sex (piv)  summary: As a fellow Mandalorian, you find yourself traveling with the bounty hunter and his kid despite the mutual dislike you seem to have for one another. Everything goes well (more or less), until he nearly gets both of you killed. He gets tired of your mouth. 

He was infuriating. 

Originally you had given him the benefit of the doubt, when it came to the (stupid) helmet debacle. If you had lived a certain way for the high majority of your life, your beliefs and sense of self completely and thoroughly twisted a particular way, it was difficult to simply step away from that when presented with something different — something that completely contrasted with what you staked your life on. 

In other, simpler words, the silver Mandalorian’s response to your face was as expected. 

However, as his arrogant and you’re-beneath-me attitude continued, the less patience you could continue to muster. He and his beliefs were superior to you just because he kept an oversized tin can over his head at at times? Don’t think so. 

You were just as much a Mandalorian as him. 

Nevertheless, here you were. Abandoning Bo Katan and the others for him and the little green bean foundling under his care and protection. While you argued it was for his sake, as no Mandalorian should ever stand alone, you knew it was primarily because of Bo Katan herself. While experienced and cunning, you grew tired of their quest you never saw happening — the retaking of Mandalore. It was a child’s dream. One you were no longer interested in entertaining.

Traveling with the nearly-mute Mandalorian held quite the learning curve. Neither of you were too thrilled with the other (considering the stark difference in beliefs), but there was enough respect for one another to quietly exist around one another. He would occupy himself in the cockpit doing whatever he did up there, while you fed the Child and listened to his cooing and babbling, occasionally offering your own opinions on subjects. You doubted his adopted father encouraged conversation much at all, given he wasn’t much of a conversationalist himself.

While the pair slept in their tiny, shared compartment, you were a few feet away in your own that he had (surprisingly) made out of another compartment that had originally been acting as some sort of storage. The little green bean would occasionally sneak out of his hammock and make his way to yours, often snuggling between your arms and snuggling his little body to your chest. 

The three of you fell into a strangely comfortable arrangement, until he agreed to a certain bounty that, apparently, required the both of you. While you were not too keen to the guns-for-hire career he had undertaken, you understood the need to survive and instead stayed behind to watch the little one while he was out. 

“I don’t understand who you could possibly be hunting that you can’t take on your own.” You had begun slipping your armor on, which had previously taken estate in your personal storage; there was no need to wear it when the majority of your time was spent in or near the Razor Crest. You could hear him rustling with something behind you, though you focused on the faded-scarlet color painted on your armor. 

“They want them alive.” He stated simply, as if those four words completely and thoroughly explained the situation. You turned towards him then, eyes already rolling and an annoyed look sent in his general direction. There were only a few things you missed when it came to traveling with Bo Katan and the others — one of, if not the most major, being conversation. 

“What about the little one?”

He glanced in the Child’s direction, currently drawing in his notebook he had been given when your companion had come across it in the shops of Tattooine. “He’ll be fine. No one will be able to come on board.”

You sighed. Of the few things you truly disliked about the Mandalorian, one of them was that he treated the little one as older than he truly was. It didn’t matter that he was soon hitting his 51st birthday. He was mentally as old as a two-year old child. He didn’t truly understand the difference between safety and danger. He was still trying to grasp the whole concept of using the vacc tube.

You must have pulled a face then, as you caught a muffled sigh and one of your blasters being pushed into yours hands. “The sooner we get them, the sooner we can return.” You imagined he held your gaze as you looked at him, his words offering a semblance of comfort and security. “Let’s go.”

With a nod, you tucked your blasters into their respective holsters and kneeled in front of the little one. He immediately softly cooed in greeting, head raising and ears flicking in your direction. He held a red crayon in one hand, seemingly drawing a big, red dust cloud. “Hey, green bean. You stay on the ship, okay? No opening the doors and exploring without us.” He released a sound you knew to be one of disappointment (the same one he made when you said dinner was over), ears and head dropping as if being scolded. 

You smiled and touched his hand, heart fluttering as his three fingers curled around one of your own. “Draw your daddy a pretty picture, okay? We have to fill the entire cockpit.” He squealed at the idea, head dropping and resuming his drawing without another sound.

The sound of the airlock hissing open is what eventually tore you away.

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“Will you shut up?”

Your chest heaved as you forced oxygen into your lungs, currently behind the cover of a large tree and the Mandalorian a few feet away, seemingly doing the same as his chest rapidly rose and fell. You sent him a glare that spilled nothing but poison, wishing more than anything that he could see your face through your visor. “You’re the one who didn’t know the stupid bounty had a crew! It’s one against twenty!” You hissed, doing the utmost to ignore the burning in your shoulder. One had managed to a blaster shot in the tiny space between your armor and knew blood was no doubt staining the inside of it. At the back of your mind, you begrudgingly noted you’d have to paint the pretty armor again, once safe and sound in the ship. It was a painstakingly slow process. 

The Mandalorian apparently didn’t feel that comment deserved a response, as he merely glanced from cover to the enemy before them. Their footsteps were nearing closer, close enough to hear the shouts they shared between one another.

“You’re insufferable!” You stood and dug into your pouch, eventually coming across the tiny discs you had developed yourself and tossing them about the bushes. If anything were on your side in your current predicament, it was the flush greenery the planet held. It didn’t matter your armor’s coloring was a stark contrast, it was cover nonetheless.

Your companion was forced to follow your lead, the sound of his blaster sounding off and quickly followed by screams of pain. As an ugly blue-colored Quarren neared you, you kicked out a foot to knock his knee out from under him. 

It was official. You hated the Mandalorian. 

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“You could have gotten us killed.” He dragged the body of the bounty behind him, knocked out cold and his arms cuffed. The two of you had hardly spoken on the way back to the ship, though there was no shortage of dirty looks (from you) aimed at the back of his helmet. 

Per usual, there was no response from him as the ramp for the ship descended. 

“All for what? A few hundred credits?” Discarding your helmet and tossing it aside, you watched as he froze the bounty in carbonite. It was official — talking to a wall was more entertaining than talking to him. “There are hundreds of different ways to survive! But no, you have to do this bullshit?”

Abruptly and suddenly, as quick as a flash of lightning, he was standing just a breath from you. “If this lifestyle isn’t good enough for you princess,” he spat, “Then, by all means, get the fuck off my ship.”

You stared into his visor for a moment, resisting the urge to take a step back and away from the aura of anger and distaste he was exerting. While you certainly weren’t his biggest fan in the galaxy, you weren’t ignorant. You were more than aware of how capable this man was. Nonetheless, you knew you’d be able to hold your own against him. 

“And leave the kid with you?” You laughed, briefly enjoying the amount of sarcasm it dripped. “He’d be dead in a parsec.”

“I seem to remember how completely fine he was without you.” If you were being completely honest, that one hurt. You’d grown so attached to the little swamp rat and the idea of him being fine without you around made your stomach turn. 

“You’re an asshole.” There was a brief sound of static before he laughed. As if you had told a fucking joke. He leaned even closer then, arm raising to lean his weight against the wall behind you. Briefly, the smell of leather and something untamed filled your every sense. It was intoxicating, you wanted to drown in it until it was seared in your very brain. 

“Yeah?” He questioned, helmet dipped so low you could feel the coolness on your forehead. “Say it again.” He dared, a leather-covered hand inching up until his thumb touched your throat. It was nothing but a touch, but a thousand goosebumps blossomed at the contact alone. 

“You’re an...” The breath whooshed from your lungs as the touch left your throat and down to your hip, spun one-eighty and chest suddenly pressed against the wall of the Razor Crest. A bite of metal stung at your back, his beskar pressing into the divot between your own. He remained painfully silent, though deft fingertips began to explore the crevice between your back armor and the waistband of your pants. “Asshole.”

Before the word was out of your throat and past your lips, the buckle that kept your back and abdomen armor was released and the red armor was left clattering to the floor. Large hands were shoving at your trousers until they were loose at your ankles, unsure of just what was happening until a hand roughly grasped your ass, so tightly you were positive fingerprint marks were left behind. 

His touch returned to your neck, pulling you against his chest and causing the back of your head to painfully clash against his helmet. “You and that fucking mouth.” He murmured darkly, his own hips pressing against your bare skin. His length strained against his own slacks, offering a sick kind of relief that was anything but. It was a promise, but one you weren’t truly sure he would give — you knew he was enjoying the torment he was putting you through. “I’m going to shove my cock into that pretty mouth and make you shut up for once.”

You made a small noise at the back of your throat, purposely shoving your hips further against him. “Then do it.”

Before you could blink, you were spun once more and a leg skillfully kicked your own out from under you until you were on your knees. His visor was tilted low enough to know he was watching you, his head tilting just enough to say, “well?”. 

Without another thought, you were unclasping his slacks and releasing his cock. It sprung free wholeheartedly, his tip swollen a deep red and so pretty and so much. 

As if able to hear your thoughts, you caught the faint sound of amusement from him before his fingers curled into your hair and wrenched your head upwards so you were forced to meet his unseen gaze. “I think this is the longest you’ve ever been silent since we met, an’edee.” He took a short moment to trace his thumb over the nape of your head, securely and effectively collecting your hair into his fist. “Now, suck.”

You didn’t argue, lips falling open just in time for the slight jar he gave to your head towards his dick. He pushed no further than past his tip, giving you ample time to explore and appreciate. You did just that with silent glee, tongue swiping slow and languid laps, beginning at his shift and slowly upwards. He remained silent as you continued your slow exploration, the only indication that was he remotely affected being the slight twitch of his fingers in your hair. 

You lifted a hand to stroke his length with a lazy admiration, pushing your spit where your mouth had yet to touch... Yet. He was torturously thick and as your fingers traced the pulsing vein on the underside of him, he twitched and it seemed to surge forward on its own volition. As if it was attempting to push even more blood into his dick just to reach your mouth faster.

Nevertheless, he remained eerily but characteristically silent. 

You took him in your mouth once more, daring to take that much more and gently caressing what remained. It was hardly more than a caress, but enough to keep him interested and wanting. You set a slow, but steady pace, ferociously ignoring the fiery blaze that licked at your own heat. 

He stood there, still clad in his untouchable armor and blasters still in their holsters — untouchable. It didn’t matter his cock was in your mouth. He was still as much as in control as ever. 

It became a game. You wanted him to react. You wanted him to fall apart. 

Your gaze flickered back up to him as your pace quickened, more than aware that his own had never wavered from the sight of his cock steadily pumping into your hot mouth. You didn’t need to see through his darkened visor to know.

Just as you moved to caress one of his balls, still partially shielded by his slacks, he caught your wrist in a near-painful hold. A displeased growl echoed through his helmet, ripping you away from him and to your feet. You couldn’t help the wicked grin that settled on your lips, swiping your own spit from your bottom lip with a thumb. 

“You want to tease?” He questioned, one hand roughly guiding you to the table he tended to use as a make-shift worktable, bending you over it with ease while his other hand swiped for something against the wall. It wasn’t until the lights flickered shut and the sound of heavy metal clashing against metal stung at your ears, that you knew what was happening. 

He gave no warning as his tongue flirted between your folds, causing your body to naturally tighten at the abrupt intrusion. It was too good, too much, when there was little warning beforehand.

He lapped eagerly, rotating from languid, deep strokes of his tongue and abrupt, sharp sucking at your sensitive, singing clit. What his intentions were were incredibly clear. This wasn’t soft love between two people who loved one another. He was going to fuck you and tease your every limit, and make you love every fucking second of it. 

Each time your body would instinctively jump away, either from a harsh nip at your sensitive thighs or it simply being too much at once, an unforgiving hand would tighten its hold on your leg and drag you back to his mouth. 

In a matter of minutes, with his facial hair sharply biting at your skin and his unrelenting tongue, you were keening. However, he refused you any kind of release. The moment your thighs tightened or breath quickened, he would make a soft sound of amusement and deter his movements until your body sagged in anything but relief. 

At the third or fourth rotation of the infuriating game, you finally caved. “If you don’t let me fucking cum, I’m going to—,” He cut you off before you could finish, lifting himself up until his lips were touching the shell of your ear. 

“I thought you’d learned.” He used one hand to lick his fingers, rewetting his tip while the other caught you around your throat. Mid-breath, he impaled you with one thrust, seemingly unable to help his own gruff groan. “To keep that pretty mouth shut.” He breathed, using his grip at your throat to drag you back down with each thrust. 

A soft sound spilled from you each time his hips met your pelvic bone, promising you’d feel him for days, each time you moved. His pace was unrelenting, hardly ever giving you the time to even realize he was gone before he was thrusting back in. 

His teeth nipped at your ear as he fucked you near senselessly, quickly and nearly effortlessly drawing the orgasm you’d been begging for once more. “You like this, don’t you? Being fucked like this.” A string of profanities fell from you then, so fucking close and wanting to cum so badly. If he were to give it to you, you would have given him anything. 

“Want to cum, pretty thing?” He questioned, the lewd sounds of your fucking only worsening as he continued. “Beg for it.”

You did so without question. “Please, please, please—” A sharp sound from your throat cut you off, just as his free hand circled your clit once and you swore you saw the heavens above. Your orgasm was ripped out of you, squeezing yourself so tight around him, his grasp on your throat loosened and his forehead fell against your shoulder. 

He came with a low grunt, pulling out from your warmth and spilling on your back. He stood unmoving for the faintest of moments, as if aware you still hadn’t returned to the present just yet. 

You released a shaky breath and touched your forehead to the cool metal underneath you. “Well, fuck Mando. You’ve been holding out on me.”

He instantly sighed and you imagined the curt shake of his head. “That fucking mouth.” 

#i kind of hate this #bc i havent written anything in awhile #and this is my first mando but #lmk what you think please? #the mandalorian #mandalorian #mandalorian imagine #mandalorian x you #mandalorian x reader #din djarin #din djarin x reader #baby yoga #grogu #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal imagine #din djarin x you #din djarin imagine #din djarin smut #mandalorian smut #myfics #smut

[heybeybey]

Ready, Set, Don't Go

Words: 1,833

Genre: Angst/Family

Rating: G Summary: Levi may have resigned from the military, but he'd underestimated how much his daughter is as much of a fighter as him and Petra. (Set almost 2 decades after canon events)

Happy Father's Day, folks!

I'm sorry for contributing slight angst today but don't worry, nobody dies. 👍 Also here, have some wheelchair Levi and a teenage Ackerbaby.

And thank you to @levis-petras for being my beta for this fic 💖

- - - -

Levi wasn't much for celebrations ever since he was young. In fact, he only recognizes five dates that are worth commemorating:

His wife's birthday.

His daughter's birthday.

His twins' birthday.

His and Petra's wedding anniversary.

And Mother's Day, but that one wasn't just for Petra. Truthfully, it was also the only way he gets to celebrate his late mother. He barely remembers her birthday, and he wasn't even sure he knew in the first place.

So, you see, he only celebrates when it's all about the people he holds dear. He doesn't really see the point in All Hearts Day or even his birthday. A more cost-efficient option too.

However, it still hurts that he's spending Father's Day this way.

The day started off normally. He woke up to Petra peppering kisses down his neck, greeting him a Happy Father's Day. The twins—Luke and Philip—then came bouncing in, both boys eager to show him the cards they drew for him.

He came down to Izzy brewing tea—a blend his daughter bought for him as a gift—and greeting him with a hug. He'd have to admit that it's been nice to be coddled by his family.

Then came dinner time.

He noticed that Izzy had been uneasy the past few days, and all those nerves seemed to have culminated during dinner. The brat had been on edge the whole day that he had to snap at her to just spill it.

It first started with an off-hand comment about how there will be a ceremony the next day for new military recruits. He sees his wife give Izzy an encouraging look from the corner of his eyes as she stumbles through her words.

Izzy, who's not much of a great liar to begin with, quickly muttered 'I signed up for the military.' and refused to meet his eyes.

"What?"

"I know that you might not agree now and that you and mom had been through a lot," Izzy starts to explain in a rush. "But I know this is what I'm meant for dad! I think there's not going to be a lot of battles to fight and it's more just—"

"No," he cuts off.

Her squeaking words quickly turned into a hiss, and it only got worse when he demanded that he drop her spot.

Soon, Petra was ushering their twins up to the second floor, knowing how arguments between father and daughter can get nasty.

"This is not fair!"

"The answer is no, Izzy," he said, matching his teenage daughter's tone. He rolls his wheelchair to follow her all the way to their house's front door, hearing her rage around the house. "Oi brat, what did I say about banging on the fucking furniture?"

He distinctly hears Petra scold, "Language, Levi!" from upstairs, but both father and daughter ignores her.

"I'm 16 now, dad," she snaps back, ignoring his last comment. "You can't tell me what to do."

Izzy finally turns around to face him, never one to back down. She's looking at him now with fury in her eyes and a retort ready on her lips.

Definitely her father's daughter.

"Do you even know what you're doing, Izzy?" He said, voice finally softening as he takes in the loaded backpack on her back. He feels the weight of her decision then.

"I wouldn't have signed if I didn't."

He'd always had a hunch that Izzy was fond of the military. Too fond for his taste, if he's going to be honest about it.

Guilt pinches him a bit whenever he thinks back to his promise that he would stand by his children no matter the choices they make. Even at the age of 56, he remains steadfast to his belief to live a life with no regrets.

But he'd be damned before he even allows any of his children to enlist.

So the first time she daydreamed of becoming a soldier at the tender age of eight, he had quickly shut down the idea.

"Here, girls like dolls right?" he had said as he pushed the plushie to her arms. He doesn't really give a damn whether she likes toys that are meant more for girls or boys. He'd buy her anything she asks for, budget permitting. But for some reason, that moment had settled uneasily in his gut. "I bought this for you today."

"But I want that one!" she'd screech, pointing at the display of two toy dual broadswords.

Petra had reprimanded him, telling him that he shouldn't discourage their child just because of their experiences. He could only give his wife a worried look in return.

Izzy was 11 the next time she approached the topic, asking him about his time as Captain Levi Ackerman. While he and Petra had moved out of Paradis since the Battle of Heaven and Earth, never even thinking of looking back, Petra was able to keep a few portraits of their team and the other Scout veterans.

Izzy, the curious young teen that she was, found them.

"See, it says here that you were a captain!" Izzy exclaims, eyes sparkling with excitement and reverence. She'd been bouncing to and from the box with the portraits and other memorabilia during his and Petra's time in the Scouts. She then settled down, looking from the portrait of a younger version of Levi with Erwin to her father's scarred face now. Levi feels his hands clenching on the armrests of his wheelchair, his vision starting to blur the more he looks at his former commander's face.

"It's so cool that you were in the military. And that you even had a high position! Do you think I'll also become a captain in the future? Maybe you can train me so I can reach that level! Please dad, can you tell me more? Is that why you have that badass scar? Mom won't tell me anything—"

Brat didn't know that he was there until the end. He doesn't know what they teach in history classes to children nowadays, but he and Petra had agreed that there's no sense in mentioning their time as soldiers and the literal hell they've been through to any of their children.

Not really a good bedtime story for kids.

The thought of his own child witnessing the same shit he and Petra went through was enough to give him a new set of nightmares every night.

"She's young, Levi," Petra consoles him after he sat up sweating from a nightmare. Tears were also streaming down her cheeks as she clings on to his bare shoulder. "She might still change her mind."

The last time Izzy mentioned it, she was 14. Everything was starting to pick up again during that time. Paradis' military, unsurprisingly, was the strongest.

Armin came over to tell them that a new order will be established—a neutral party from different nations that they all hope would promote and retain the fragile facade of peace they all had before one side goes batshit crazy. Arlert had been the same level-headed young man that he was since Levi had to revive his charred ass back in Shiganshina as he explained everything to the former captain.

With this change came a new branch of military for implementation.

Izzy had been starry eyed since then.

"This might be the world's chance to truly fix things," she babbled on that whole day—a mixture of rants about the current state and how everything is being handled, and reverence at the possible future this change might bring.

"Imagine... Imagine being a part of that..." Izzy had trailed off then, eyes faraway but lit up with optimism.

All Levi can hear and see is another Isabel from years past.

Back then, he'd chalked it all up to the fanciful thinking of a child who doesn't know any better. Now, Levi desperately wants to believe that maybe this is just a rebellious teenage phase. He'd been around a lot of teenagers during his time and he'd witnessed how crazy they can get.

Like Eren and—

He tears himself away from the memory before his mind fucks him up further. He and Petra already deals with it on an almost nightly basis, and it's a thought he'd rather not dwell on during his waking hours.

The living room was quiet for a moment as both father and daughter stare each other down. Levi looks at his first-born now—committed and kind like Petra, blunt and fearless like him. The best of his and his wife's qualities mixed together.

But who knows when shit will go down again? Things were shaky enough in this damned world as it is. While he and Petra were able to find their own safe spot to raise their children in, one can never be too complacent.

He'd already lost too much, and most days he wakes up thinking that even his family is temporary. There one day, gone the next.

"I can do my part this way, dad," Izzy finally replies, drawing her father back to the present. She sighs, dropping down her bag and kneels on one side of his wheelchair so they'd be at the same level. "Like what you did. Like what you and mom did."

He remains quiet as he takes in the determination in her eyes. It's the same look Petra would have more than two decades ago when she saves another soldier from being titan shit. The same look his daughter would have whenever she refuses to let go of a toy before bath time back when she was a toddler.

He knows then that there's no swaying her from her decision.

"You're too much like your mother," Levi says, resigned. They even have the same strawberry-blonde bob, he notes. Izzy gives him a sad smile then.

"You're just too old to 'deal with my teenage bullshit', dad," Izzy retorts to lighten the mood, doing her best to imitate her father's previous rants.

He doesn't tell her that maybe what he's too old for is the possibility of losing another person he holds dear.

- - - -

When he sees her off the next morning, already in the uniform issued by the military, he decides that he'd rest easier at night knowing that Izzy believes he's there to support her. He fought for Paradis' freedom for half his life. Why would he rob his daughter from her freedom to choose the path she wants?

"I'm proud of you, Izzy," Levi whispers against her ear as she hugs him tightly, fighting against his desire to beg her to not to go. It may be uncharacteristic of him to want to sob out and cling further to her but damn it, this is his daughter.

But Izzy's breath hitches at his words, and tears soon started to fall. His own arm encircles tightly around her while he supports himself with a crutch. She looks at him gratefully, true joy in her eyes, and that was enough to stop him from forbidding her further.

"You're not allowed to die," he mutters instead—so similar to the 'encouraging words' he gave the young recruits he guided before.

Izzy laughs through her sobs and teases him, "Is that an order, 'captain'?"

"Damn right it is, brat," he replies, fondly ruffling her hair.

#rivetra #levi ackerman x petra ral #wheelchair levi #ACKERBABY #TEENAGE ACKERBABY #levi x petra #rivetra fic #rivetra au

[amateurasstrologer]

BY REQUEST # 10 SATURN (IN THE HOUSES)

Alright y’all, let’s set the record straight about Saturn.

First: tell me a word more powerful than “no” - you can’t. That shit is unmovable. And that’s Saturn operating in your life. Saturn is a fortress - it’s the boundaries you need to respect if you want to get your life right and really work your shit out. Saturn tells you “no” - this mf wants to stop you from getting caught up in a bunch of bullshit and guide you towards getting your life right.

Saturn is structure and form. This planet is a prompt. Anyone who‘s ever tried to make anything, have a conversation, you already know: completely open ended shit gets old. We need direction, questions, structure. Those really juicy, really specific ideas and direct questions that seem to crack your brain right open and let your creativity spill out onto the sidewalk? Saturn, people.

Now, yes, too much structure can end up feeling like a foot on a neck. And this is where that "Saturn is limitations” idea comes into play. Yes, Saturn is working with limits, but they’re not meant to stifle you or make you turn and run in the opposite direction. Too much rigidity is too much rigidity - Saturn is meant to give you just enough gravity to hold your life together, not to stop you from being able to move entirely. Saturn taken too far always ends in traditional thinking, rigidity, and cracks in the foundation. Saturn wants to keep shit stable, but too much stability doesn’t leave enough room for change.

Still, the more we want to hate Saturn for being a crusty dick of a planet, the more we’re fooling ourselves into thinking that we don’t need any stability and beauty in our lives. Yes, bitches, beauty. When it’s operating right, Saturn helps you organize your shit into something meaningful - something beautiful and real - so your life can stop looking like a gross mess and tone the fuck up.

Saturn rules Capricorn. Why? Because Capricorn takes Sag’s ideas and philosophies and turns that shit into something real, something livable, something sharable. And, of course, it’s no wonder that Jupiter rules Sag - the relationship between Jupiter and Saturn is the same as the relationship between Sag and Capricorn: Jupiter helps you to mature, cooperate, and open up your mind to new ideas. Saturn helps you take that maturation and creativity and turn it into something real - Salty Saturn gives you a prompt, some walls to work within, so maturing doesn’t feel so scary and confusing. Saturn is your expectations - it helps you focus your development.

It’s not enough to think about it and talk about it, at some point, you gotta be about it. That’s where Saturn comes in to help you take those ideas, desires, fantasies and turn them into something real. Saturn isn’t a fake bitch, and that’s really why it gets a bad rap. This mf is serving you harsh truth, tough love realness every day of the week. When you’re ready to become an actual person in the world instead of continuing to live out your favorite delusion, call Saturn. Let this wonderful planet give you some structure and tell you “no, stop it,” before you get completely out of control and total yourself.

As always, particulars for the party people:

SATURN IN THE FIRST (1) fortifies your self-image so you can actually figure out how your individual life fits within the bigger picture. You got a message and you are ready to preach it, baby. Always working to get feelings and actions in alignment, unshakably strong sense of purpose. When you don’t respect the “no”: 100% crazy, allowing rigid-ass values and outdated beliefs to define your self-worth, fear of failure gets you lying to yourself to make it.

SATURN IN THE SECOND (2) fortifies your understanding of the past so you can actually organize, structure, and utilize that shit. Personal circumstances have collective meaning, always making your past experiences relevant, past experiences as the foundation for present direction and success. When you don’t respect the “no”: crushed under an inescapable sense of destiny, can’t make sense of anything that’s happened to you, repressing any meaningful feelings in exchange for getting caught up some fake shit.

SATURN IN THE THIRD (3) fortifies your fucking brain so you can actually approach your surroundings in a practical and organized way. Smart as shit, open minded, ready to understand and discuss anything. When you don’t respect the “no”: mental rigidity, imposing your narrow-ass point of view on your environment, fucked around and imprisoned yourself in traditional thinking and/or living in total chaos.

SATURN IN THE FOURTH (4) fortifies your inner-life so you can actually develop a genuine identity and form a rock-solid connection with yourself. Able to take deep, ambiguous feelings and direct that shit into fantastic works of art, projects, and/or true self-understanding. When you don’t respect the “no”: never letting anyone but all the wrong people in, Academy Award for Living a Total-Ass Lie, over-attached to social norms and superficial personality standards.

SATURN IN THE FIFTH (5) fortifies your self-expression so you can actually influence and inspire the people around you. Reserved, receptive, magnetic, understanding, charming. When you don’t respect the “no”: can’t express a genuine feeling to save your life, forcing yourself into traditional roles to save yourself from the struggle of creating and living an authentic life, completely unrealistic self-perception.

SATURN IN THE SIXTH (6) fortifies your focus on self-improvement so you can actually get yourself into a better, more stable place. Never met a change you couldn’t counter and conquer, practical guidance and support available on demand. When you don’t respect the “no”: locked yourself into an unchangeable position, unwilling to acknowledge the truth in other people’s experiences, clinging to the past like a leech.

SATURN IN THE SEVENTH (7) fortifies your approach to relationships so you can actually experience the transformative power of genuine relationships (with anything or anyone). Seriously responsible, supportive, constructive, and a complete joy to be around. When you don’t respect the “no”: passivity to the point of identity listed as Total Loss, zero accountability for how your actions affect other people, choosing fear-based relationships like it’s your damn job.

SATURN IN TH EIGHTH (8) fortifies your social awareness so you can actually manage and organize collective resources and feelings. Physically feeling and articulating collective emotions, source of inspiration and comfort for everyone around you, genius level ability to take care of fucking business. When you don’t respect the “no”: the most unhealthy power dynamics, making people rely on you and then resenting them for it, letting yourself get pushed around by circumstances, getting your victim on.

SATURN IN THE NINTH (9) fortifies your ability to focus on what matters to you so you can actually find some deeper meaning in life. Got the support you need to develop a rock-solid understanding of your experiences, effectively share what you’ve learned, and come up with entirely new beliefs and value systems that let you live a freer, happier life. When you don’t respect the “no”: never trusting your own decisions ever, living in perpetual confusion, infinite disappointment because you decided on unlivable values, beliefs and ideals.

SATURN IN THE TENTH (10) fortifies your perspective on social roles so you can actually influence and sustain relationships. Utilizing defined roles to express personal feelings, breaking down the existing order of things in favor of more effective, productive standards, got the power to bring people together. When you don’t respect the “no”: using outdated values to justifying staying in relationships and roles that are actually unfulfilling, acting like you know when you 100% do not know, totally unwilling to acknowledge alternative approaches.

SATURN IN THE ELEVENTH (11) fortifies your management abilities so you can actually organize and direct people, places, things (and your own life) like a boss bitch. Practical, realistic approaches to any crisis, equip with an arsenal of creative solutions ready to unload, displaying spiritual values through tangible actions. When you don’t respect the “no”: uses outdated values and beliefs to justify inaction, refuses to rise to the occasion, always convincing yourself any productive, quality of life improving actions will be useless.

SATURN IN THE TWELFTH (12) fortifies your subconscious so you can actually shatter all forms of traditional conditioning and embody spiritual values. No tolerance for fake shit. When you don’t respect the “no”: fucked around and isolated yourself from everyone, permanently barred yourself from living in reality, permanently cock-blocking yourself, denial level: unbreakable.

Does all this shit feel familiar? Good. It should. Everyone experiences all of these phases at different points. Where Saturn hangs in your Natal just lets you know which phase is going to be the most prevalent throughout your life.

Happy charting, bitches.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

#saturn #saturn in the houses #astrology #daddy issues

[mattressdemon]

bitching about narrative design in bioware games part 2

to summarize part 1 quickly, i bitched a bit about how bioware wrote some characters and designed some parts of the narrative of baldurs gate 1 and 2. they killed the only black woman in the og bg games for a (supposedly) white man’s pain (minsc) and then offered a replacement in the form of a white woman (aerie).

while complaining about bg1 and 2 could stand all on its own, the reason i wanted to talk about those things in particular is to highlight the way bioware writes and designs characters and stories in their later titles, like mass effect, but especially dragon age. i do particularly pick on the writing of david gaider and lukas kristjanson and a little bit on patrick weekes, but this is not meant to be a personal jab at any of them or say anything about their character or beliefs.

overall i think a lot of the way bioware frames certain characters and manipulates the dialogue of certain characters is really more questionable than allowing for actual critical thought. the best examples of my issues with this are cullen, aveline, fenris, dorian and sera. also a special shout out for jacob from mass effect. you might notice that ive now named four characters that lukas kristjanson wrote for; minsc, aveline, sera, and jacob. that doesnt mean i dislike how he writes all of his characters: i actually really enjoy carver and joker, for example.

my issues with the way he wrote these characters directly relates to over-utilization of stereotypes, writing dialogue that sometimes sounds bizarrely out of character, and combine both of those with poor levels of representation in all of the bioware titles.

aveline, while a very enjoyable character (imho) says things that i think directly contrast how she actually thinks and feels in game. she makes many degrading and insulting comments directly at isabela (who was confirmed as a black woman by gaider) about her sexuality and i feel like its honestly really uncharacteristic of her, given how often she finds herself agreeing with a pro-mage hawke throughout the story and how strongly she feels about the real protection and care of people. this is an issue for multiple reasons:

1. isabela is only one of two black female companions in the dragon age franchise, and she does not even have black facial features (she looks pretty european to me, leaving vivienne as the only black woman in the series with black facial features). contrast that to 12 white female companions throughout dragon age including DLCS, and three white female temporary companions (not including merrill, as i already counted her).

2. isabela is expressive and open with her sexuality in a way only one other female character is, and morrigan isn’t even near to the degree that isabela is. also, isabela is bisexual, and the narrative plays hard against characters that are bisexual/pansexual and simultaneously considered slutty (they have one each game! zevran, isabela, iron bull).

3. isabela is a swashbuckler/rogue with a spotty history irt loyalty, again reinforcing stereotypes of characters that are bisexual or bipoc being untrustworthy or of dubious morality.

and none of this would have mattered if there were more black and bisexual/pansexual characters in the series. weekes’ comment about not wanting to make solas black and bisexual because he didnt want to fall into a stereotype? null and void if there were more black and/or bisexual characters in the franchise. representation matters.

i love fenris too! and you know what i hate? people writing GOTCHA dialogue that doesnt even fit a character just to push a devils advocate agenda.

the conversation in question is between fenris and anders in act 2.

fenris: there, your magic would be a mark of honor. apprenticed to the right magister, you would do well.

anders: so they all do those things?

fenris: just the ones who don’t complain about how powerless and persecuted they are.

“just the ones who dont complain about how powerless and persecuted they are” shut the fuck up. why would this come out of fenris’ mouth at all, ever? bruh gaider wrote his storyline, he knows this doesnt make sense. he has to. doesnt he???

and i feel like da2, but especially inquisition, does this a lot. they shove a lot of dialogue into the game that kinda gives you a GOTCHA sorta vibe, like they’re just tryin to snag the inquisitor on bs.

this happens with dorian in inquisition too. if you play a dalish elf inquisitor, theres an entire conversation with him about slavery in tevinter. while the game spends the entire narrative effectively shitting on a dalish inquisitor for being proud of their dalish culture and heritage, dorian is often praised by the narrative for being nationalistic and proud of tevinter’s culture and history. in the conversation, it feels more like dorian is talking at the inquisitor rather than having a thoughtful and engaging discussion about slavery and why his perspective on it might be different. i dont have screencaps off hand atm, but it’s right there in the game, if you have a copy, go play it.

in contrast, in dragon age origins, you can have a conversation with leliana with a dalish warden wherein she says some hurtful things about dalish elves, things that are typically associated with real life stereotypes about indigenous people, like them being “savage” “brutish” or “lazy”. and by the end of the conversation, no matter what you say or do, she apologizes. she says she was wrong to say those things, and she’s sorry, and she won’t do it again. that’s an effective dialogue about serious issues in a video game!!!! not whatever bullshit that dorian conversation was.

and last but not least: sera and jacob. sera is a great character, and yet, she is the only companion who you can actively dismiss / rudely ask her to leave the inquisition throughout the entire game and in every single conversation. the narrative frames this 20 year old (she is YOUNG!!!! who ISNT annoying sometimes when they’re young???) lesbian as an irritant, and most people walk away from inquisition disliking sera. consistently ppl shit on sera throughout the game, and the narrative itself likes to make her an enemy to the inquisitor, make it feel/seem wrong that she constantly questions authority, when so many other characters are shown in a positive light for doing and saying the exact same shit she does. this is part of a larger issue bioware has in general with writing elven women in dragon age (see also the framing of merrill in da2 and velanna in the expansion for origins, awakening).

do i even have to start on jacob? black man with a heart of gold and a deadbeat, creepy, abusive father? then he “cheats” on shepard in mass effect 3 and the narrative gives you the option to punch him? he didn’t even know if shepard was going to be released from custody!!! he knew the reapers were coming and he didn’t know if he would ever see her again!!!! of course some people will feel his actions were a betrayal, but its all ignorant of the circumstances he was in. its not no two years thought dead thing that everyone is okay with excusing (virmire romance), but it’s certainly fucking close.

tl;dr: i hate how bioware frames characters and designs narratives sometimes. if someone ever reads this that works at bioware: please hire more bipoc and queer designers.

#aveline critical #fenris critical #dorian critical #bioware critical #notes #sunni

[mariaiscrafting]

You know, what think I like when you are critical of a content creator is that you know how to separate a fact from especulation, unlike a blog out there that took especulation as facts.

Example, that night when we were critical of Karl, or any instance you have discussed about him, a lot of anons were saying that he gave them clout chaser vibes to them, and despite your opinion, you expressed that those were only especulation and not the truth, and to keep that in mind. That's good critical thinking.

But this blog had some similar anons, saying that he only is friends with the Feral Boys gro clout- In fact, they said the Feral Boys were only in it to benefit from clout and money. And they took it as a truth. I know you instance on them is neutral, but come one, they are friends. All of them. Karl isn't friends with them for clout. Like today Karl was playing golf with salad gang plus Sapnap and George at first and then Quackity and Dream joined bc they had spared time and it all devolved into typical chaos (Poor Corpse and Tina and Brook, had to endure those children lol/lh /j). Like, the stream wasn't planned with the 5/5 yet they joined, missing Karl and just having fun.

Idk, I guess that blog's superiority (They were a SBI focused blog) just irritated me. It's as if they were putting both groups at each other as if those streamers aren't friends or close. They were singing prayers of one while shunning the other based from especulation. Criticissism is fine, in fact recommended to be critical of your interests, but taking rumors as facts to base your crit is yikes. It's as if I wanted to crit SBI and base it only of "Philza hanging only with people younger than him is kinda weird ngl.." or "Sbi doesn't care about Tommy cuz he joined late" like that dumb Tumblr post did or some fuckers in Twitter imply.

The main reason I take so much care to separate speculation from evidence-backed theories and confirmed truths is because I feel like that separation is what distinguishes us from mcyttwt the most. One of the main reasons for mcyttwt's toxicity, imo - for its relentless cancelling of everyone, for its bandwagon campaigns - is that people oftentimes criticize and defend based on their personal feelings rather than rationale or evidence.

For example, I complain a lot about Dream stans on here, but you know the reason I didn't stop watching Dream directly after the cheating scandal broke loose, even though I thought he cheated? Because of mcytblr Dream stans. Mcytblr Dream stans engaged with me in discussion, both publicly and in DMs, about the cheating scandal, and even those who eventually came to the conclusion that Dream didn't cheat accepted the facts and statistics they were given and kept a healthy skepticism throughout the process. On Twitter, Dream stans were defending him before he even made a video following up to the mods' initial accusations because they felt that Dream wasn't the kind of guy to lie or cheat. They were replying to screenshots of statistical analyses from subreddits and to articles from mathematicians and staticians with extremely reactionary responses because of that feeling, which they believed in so adamantly, they had accepted it as fact. The thing is, to believe that Dream didn't cheat in the face of all the statistical and rhetorical evidence to the contrary is, in itself, speculative. Usually we think of speculation as a baseless theory that something is a positive truth- that is to say, that something did happen. But speculation also applies to those theories of someone not having done something, when the opposite has been nearly proven to be true.

For this same reason, I chose not to ignore the anti-technotwt threads with screenshots of Techno's old tweets in them. For me to have simply ignored these screenshots and continued supposing that Techno never expressed bigoted beliefs and/or currently doesn't would have been speculative on my part, and to boot, blatantly wrong, given the evidence to the contrary.

People in this fandom, and in all RPF/RPF-adjacent fandoms need to understand that almost everything they believe about the CCs they watch is speculative, at least to some extent, because of the nature of the content they make. Even if someone, in your opinion, displays evidence of some aspect of their personality - whether that be some form of bigoted, sweet, rude, clout-chasing, or anything else - because of the extremely one-sided nature of sharing one's life through a screen, that theory of ours will almost alwyas only ever be speculation, not a solid conclusion that can be drawn. We will never know these people's true intentions behind something shared to us via the Internet.

That vagueness leads to virtually every viewer creating a different theory in our heads about the CCs we watch, and we can't treat those theories as facts, especially not when sharing them with the rest of a fandom. I'm not a very big blog, but I consider even over 50 followers to be way too many people to spread a theory too, without at least clarifying that what I'm posting is speculation. If I have evidence, I like to list it or, if I can, provide sources; but otherwise, I take care to qualify most things with phrases or disclaimers that will clue followers into the speculative nature of whatever it is I'm saying. This is because theories and "feelings" can blaze through a fandom like wildfire, especially somewhere like Twitter, where so many things are word-of-mouth or based on summary due to character limitation.

You know why mcyttwt was cancelling Andi? Only a handful of original Tweeters under the cancel Andi hashtags actually knew what clips or tweets to criticize her for, or tried to elaborate on that criticism. But because every other mcyttwt user was getting bombarded by their mutuals hate-posting about Andi on their TLs, the "negative feeling" towards Andi grew and grew, even if most people didn't even know what they were supposed to feel negative about, exactly. Our judgement works on a quick trigger on the Internet because of the amount of information we're receiving, and so, even a single bad word against someone you don't have too strong of an opinion on can fundamentally alter your perception of them, usually subconsciously. If the first thing you see about Andi, who you've only seen on a couple LOH's or a couple Punz streams before then, is a tweet along the lines of, "disappointed in Andi for her homophobia and joking about suicide," despite you having no context, you will most likely be pushed to the negative side of her. Thus begins the cycle of hatred, building up and up, leading to you searching for more and more criticism about Andi, whether speculative or not, until you solidly and genuinely believe she is a Horrible Person. It all starts with the vaguest fucking feeling, because that's all speculation has to go off of, and it snowballs into a fucking wildfire across an entire fandom. I'm not about to be another person to let feelings snowball and spread like that.

Now, I don't know what exact blog you're referring to, but as an adamant SBI enthusiast, let me flip the argument many SBI stans have for their speculation upon the genuity of Karl's friendship with the Feral Bois, onto SBI. What do we have to go off of for the genuity of SBI's friendship, anyways? Our perceived brother dynamic between Tommy and Wilbur could very well just be Tommy capitalizing on Wilbur's brand and continuing the charade until now because it's been profitable. Maybe Techno only continues to associate with SBI because he knows how much his fanbase likes headcanon'ing about SBI, so he puts up with streams with them so he can continue to feed his fanbase with dynamics he knows they're obsessed with. Maybe Phil would rather play MC with people his age, and actually dislikes that he's friends with a teenager, but sticks around because he profitted so much off of Dream SMP and SBI-related content. And what could any SBI stan have to argue with me on any of these theories? Just because SBI laughs around each other and seems fond of each other doesn't mean they're actually like that behind the cameras. They so seldomly stream or make videos together anymore, anyways, so maybe they've grown tired of keeping up the dynamic.

Everything I said could be interpreted as utter bullshit, and that's because it fucking is. I don't actually know what Techno wants to do with his life, or how Wilbur and Tommy actually feel about each other, or who Phil wants to fucking befriend. The same goes for Feral Boys. There's nothing wrong with stating your theories or speculation, but to treat them as fact or not at least qualify such posts with the fact that this is all based on your bias and opinion, and no substantive evidence, is irresponsible. Just because you feel like one or more of the Feral Boys is "clout-chasing" doesn't mean you have the right to tout that feeling as truth. I feel a lot of things about a lot of CCs, both negative and positive, but no matter how strong my feelings, unless they have substantive evidence backing them up, I have no right to treat them as facts with my followers.

#anyways this kinda went everywhere but oh well #discourse #fandom critical #karl jacobs #feral boys #mcyt #asks #uhhh yeah this isnt neg to any cc just to the way fandom will treat them

[homesweetgoodneighbor]

Stop hating on house-spouses

Speaking of feminism, can we fucking stop with the whole hating on women who want to be housewives? Look, back in the day when the gov't was pushing it's "nuclear family" bullshit and Christians with their "women's place is in the home" fuckery, it was something that was "expected" and forced on ladies.

Feminism is not about completely doing away with a role. It's about giving women the choice about what they want to do, not having it enforced upon them. And, if that choice includes working in an industry, then they should get the same pay as guys. Or, if that choice is "I really just want to take care of the hearth and home" then they should get an equal amount of fistbumps.

It's about fucking respect, yo.

I am going to be a bit gender biased for a second, but bear with me, I'm speaking to a particular mindset:

And, feminism means, STOP GIVING HOUSEHUSBANDS SHIT, TOO.

You know why househusbands get shit? Because being a housewife is seen as lower on the social chain. It's something to feel superior over. "I take care of my wife. I am the king of my castle." *jacking off motions*

Now, to include all genders/non-genders, lemme tie all this together and say:

STOP GIVING PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BE HOUSESPOUSES SHIT. LITERALLY, SOME PEOPLE WANT TO BE AT HOME WITH THE CHORES AND KIDS/PETS (OR NONE OF THOSE AT ALL). THEY ARE NOT LESS DESERVING OF YOUR RESPECT.

If it is a consensual thing, if they made the decision as a couple with no one feeling oppressed or their wishes decided for them, THEN STOP TREATING THEM LIKE THEY'RE LESSER BEINGS!

Holy shit. I have personally known at least 5 housespouses and they are all very happy and their spouses are super respectful and everyone is just content! (One househusband I knew was 6'5" with a lumberjack build. You fucking tell him he's not a Real Man for being a househusband. I fucking dare you.)

I was watching a lady doing house stuff on Ye Olde Tubes of You because I am trying to find ways to organize that work with my ADHD, and my brain was all "her husband must be awful if all she can do is stay home". And, my Second Brain was like, WHAT THEY FUCK?! She's obviously happy! She is sitting here posting on youtube about how she does her routine and she wants to help others and has little captions and emojis and nothing feels forced LET THE WOMAN BE HAPPY WITH THE SITUATION SHE CHOSE.

And, that's what I'm saying, tell your overtly righteous self to shut up and read the room.

I am a house spouse. I worked my whole life, and now, I choose to be a house spouse because the option was OFFERED to me. I wasn't TOLD I had to be this. I was offered. I took it.

I am perfectly happy. Super Spouse is awesome to me and treats me with respect and love. I do the same for him. We are very much in love and happy with our situation. We are blessed beyond belief that I am able to stay home since my ADHD and PTSD ruins a lot of "productive societal expectation" for me. Not everyone can do this, and we recognize that we are BLESSED we have this option.

Fucking call me "oppressed" and shit. I dare you.

If you're a true intersectional feminist, you'll know the difference between someone who has made a choice and someone whose choice was made for them.

P.S. The housespouse I was watching on youtube even made a point of saying that while she treats it as a job, she has down days, and no one in her house gives her shit for it. She is not treated as sub-human or a slave. Just wanted y'all to know that.

#rant #relationships #there is no shame in being a house spouse godsdammit #I have worked many jobs and worn many hats #this is just another hat I choose to wear

[lesbian-deadpool]

New Surroundings

Part Two Of Two: “Glad To Be Home.”

Part One

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Words: 1,975

Warnings: Lil bit of sadness + grief, talks of brainwashing, flashbacks. It’s pretty much just fluff.

Request: Yes! For anon for donating to BLM!! Thank you so much!

Summary: Maybe you can restart.

A/N: Idk. I thought this was p good.

Ko-Fi

(Not My GIF)

***

Booming laughter surrounded the space around you.

Peter had run up to where you "fell", asking worryingly, if you were okay. Along with Natasha. As you slowly sat up.

The spider's panic soon turned into relived chuckles, joining you in laughing at the situation.

With a few deep breaths, your laughter died down, allowing you to gaze up at the joyous red-head above you.

***

Natasha hovered over you, her cheeks visibly hurting, thanks to the smile you had put on her face. Her eyes closed with how hard she was laughing.

She had to be the most beautiful person you had ever seen.

She was.

She was swaying side to side, arms struggling to hold her weight, while those beautiful sounds flowed from her mouth.

Unable to handle it anymore, Natasha flopped down beside you on the cushiony bed. Covering her face with her hands, as the giggles still poured out of her.

"Are you-?"

"We were supposed to be having sex!" she managed to get out, making you laugh yourself. "But you had to go and say that!"

Chuckling harder still, you reached over and grabbed Natasha's hand. The Russian taking initiative and threading your fingers together.

You turned your head to the side, watching your girlfriend pant away.

The only things going through your mind at that moment being:

You were gonna marry that woman one day.

You couldn't wait to laugh with her for the rest of your lives.

***

The sun shone in her bright auburn hair, green eyes twinkling in happiness.

She had your entire attention.

Natasha saw the way you were looking at her, with a smile on her face, she cocked her head and softly asked, "What?"

You shrugged.

"You're stunning."

And she only got mere beautiful, if that was even possible, with the light blush dusting her cheeks.

"Thank you. You're not so bad yourself."

"Really? Well-"

"Uh, guys?" Peter waved. "I'm still here."

You chuckled at the teenage boy's words, turning to face him, as you pushed yourself up from the ground.

"Yeah, yeah, we know," you said, ruffling his hair, "Don't worry. You're pretty, too."

"Really?" Peter asked hopeful, while you and Natasha laughed softly.

"Yes, Peter," She nodded, patting his shoulder in assurance. "You're very pretty."

The smile that took over the boys face was full of joy and stayed that way as you lead the way back into the compound.

***

It was a few months later when the next memory like that rocketed into your mind.

You were busy cooking in the compound kitchen. Just some simple burgers for you and Peter.

The others could feed themselves.

You would have made Natasha one if she hadn't been out on a mission for the past month.

Peter was drolling on about his homework, it boring him beyond belief. Nodding along to his words, hoping to find something that could help him.

Then it hit you.

***

The streets of New York were relatively calm, considering the time of day. And you were enjoying your quiet stroll, with Natasha by your side.

The red-head was talking animatedly about a story of Clint accidentally rolling off of the roof of his farmhouse, and almost giving Laura a heart attack.

You couldn't take your eyes off of her lips.

The way she smiled as she spoke about her best friend.

You swooned at every little giggle she made. You couldn't believe how much you were acting like a schoolchild, with a silly crush.

But you just couldn't help it.

Natasha had some sort of spell over you.

And here you thought that Wanda was the witch of the team.

"Y/N?"

"Yeah?" you asked, shaking yourself out of the daze she had you in. "What's up?"

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Uhh... yeah! Clint thought Laura had gone into labour, with how much she was screaming."

"Y/N," she said blankly, "I said that five minutes ago."

"Oh..."

"What were you thinking about?" Natasha asked with a smile.

"Um. Nothing."

"What were you thinking about?" she repeated, pushing your shoulder gently, still making you momentarily step to the side though.

"Nothing," you insisted.

"That's bullshit, and you know it. C'mon! Just tell me! I won't say anything to anyone, you have my word."

You said nothing, only shaking your head with a smile, and moving your eyes to look up at the sky. To avoid looking at the persistent Russian, now walking backwards in front of you. As she held onto your arms.

"Y/N, please!"

"Oh my, God. Are you begging? Do you really hate being out of the loop that much?"

"There's a loop? Who else knows?"

"No one, Natasha!" you laughed.

"Then what is it?!" she exclaimed happily, "Just tell me. I'll get it out of you, and you know I will. So, you might as well just tell me now."

Natasha stopped you in your place, right in the middle of the sidewalk.

You sighed, knowing what she said to be true.

So, you told her.

"I was thinking about you."

"Me?" she wondered, "What about me?"

Shrugging, you continued, "I was thinking about how cute you were, and how much I loved seeing you smile. I was thinking about how you have reduced me into a school kid with this overwhelming crush I have on you. Literally, everything you do or say makes me swoon, and think "how can someone be so perfect?", Natasha."

Natasha gasped as you spoke, looking into your eyes with this soft wondrous look, that you hoped you were reading right.

"I was thinking how much I wanted to kiss you. And maybe one day be lucky enough to love yo-"

You were cut off by Natasha grabbing onto your shirt with one hand, and bulling you down into a bruising kiss. Her other hand finding its way in between the strands of your hair. As yours flew down to her waist, pulling her in closer.

Yeah...

That was a pretty amazing first kiss.

***

"Why is Spanish so hard?"

You were brought back into the present by Peter's words. Looking down, no longer cooking the burgers, now in the middle of assembling the burgers.

Well, at least you were still productive as you had a flashback.

You just hoped you hadn't missed much that the kid had said.

"I don't know, kid," you said, glancing over your shoulder, "Maybe it's because you're trying to learn a whole other language."

"Yeah..." he said, almost bashfully.

"Hey, don't worry about it." Placing his meal in front of him, you placed your hand on his shoulder reassuringly. Pushing him gently. "These things take time. I just wish I could be more help."

"It's not your fault," he said through a mouth full of food. "I'm glad you're here to help me. I just wish that Miss Romanoff was here, she's really good at languages."

And it was then that you were harshly reminded.

Natasha wouldn't be back for another five months.

"Yeah. So do I."

***

Raindrops splatted down upon your leather-clad shoulders. The weather wasn't so bad, just gloomy and drizzling, the perfect setting for your current situation.

Staring at your old friend's gravestone.

Daniel Petersburg.

"I'm so sorry, Dan. I'm sorry that I wasn't there. I'm sorry I wasn't at your funeral."

I'm sorry that I can't remember you since the army.

You knew that it wasn't your fault. Not really. It wasn't your choice to get captured and tortured so much that you couldn't remember the last eleven years. Your mind was a dark cavern when you thought about those years.

"And I'm so fucking sorry that I haven't come to see you sooner."

"He forgives you." You looked over your shoulder, to see the person who spoke softly to you. Smiling easily at the red-head. "He was like your brother, of course, he forgives you. He wouldn't even want your apology."

"I know," you said, taking one last glance at his grave. Before you turned to face Natasha, "So, you're finally back then."

"Why? You miss me Y/L/N?" she asked, with a teasing smirk.

"Of course I did," you said sincerely, "I... I've remembered some things since you've been gone."

"Really? Like what?"

"Many things." You took a step closer to her. Gazing into her emerald green eyes, feeling like your soul was pouring into those iris'. And you couldn't find it in you to care. If, that be the case. She could have your soul. It was hers. It always has been, always will be. Just like your heart. "I remembered the team, how I did basically adopt Peter."

Natasha laughed shortly at that.

"But mostly. Mostly I remembered you."

"Me?" she asked, hopefully.

"Of course you. I remember our first kiss. The time we almost froze our asses off, when Tony accidentally locked us out of the tower. Almost all of our anniversaries. Our first Christmas, together. The dreaded fight of '15 that made us break up, for a few months. I remember how much I missed you during them... but none of that compares to how much I missed you when I was on that mission," you list off, enjoying Natasha's reactions as you did.

"You remember the mission?"

"Yes- Well, some of it. There's still so much of my life that I need to remember." You looked up into the dull sky, watching as the gloomy clouds slowly made their way from above you, revealing the calm blue sky in its wake. "There were maybe two years, where I remembered everything. Or almost everything."

You took a deep, calming breath, before continuing, "During those two years, they tried to brainwash me, but it didn't stick. They're persistent bastards I'll give you that. Throughout those two years, I remembered every day. The pain. The way that my mind felt like it was slowly melting. Like fucking ice cream. But the thing that made me hold on as long as I did- That made my mind hold on," you corrected, "Was you."

Natasha's eyes were swimming with tears as you spoke. A few threatening to spill overboard, with your last statement.

"Every day- Every fucking second, I thought of you. You were like my lifeline. I lived through every moment of our lives together. The good. The bad. All of it. Over and over again."

The grass underfoot squelched lightly as you took another step towards her. Now close enough that you could reach out slightly and take her hand in yours.

Which is exactly what you did.

"You kept me alive."

Your heart broke when Natasha sobbed out softly. Squeezing her hand in yours, as she wiped away her falling tears.

But still, she let you carry on. Sensing that you weren't finished yet.

"Now, as I said before, I don't remember everything. Hell, most of it's still dark. But, I do remember how you made me feel. How much I loved you." You took her other hand, and pulled her even closer to your body, barely a few inches between the two of you now. "I can't promise you that I'll remember everything any time soon. I can't promise that I'll ever remember everything. But if you'll have me. I'd like to be in love with you again. Like basically hitting the restart button, while I watch the memories of my life play along with it."

You both got a little chuckle out of your analogy.

"So, what do you say?"

"I think you're delusional if you thought I would ever say no," Natasha replied, wrapping her arms around your neck, and pulling you into your first kiss, for almost seven years.

Love flowed through your heart and soul, spreading into every crevice of your being.

With that kiss, you thought only one thing.

You were gonna marry that woman one day.

***

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[namyks]

Themes in C2, and why Lucien makes for a perfect BBEG.

So, now that we’re coming up on the end of the campaign, I wanted to just talk about some of the themes of campaign 2. The three major themes that I found through out C2 are a group of broken people coming together to fight the whims of fate and becoming a found family, abuse, specifically from family, and fighting back against a corrupt authority. It’s not well written at all, but I’ve been wanting to talk about this stuff for awhile now. Under a read more, ‘cause this is long.

The first point I won’t talk about too much, as it’s literally one of the themes of almost any narrative focused ttrpg game. I will say that while the found family aspect of C2 was handled better than C1, as a result the world of Wildemount doesn’t feel as fleshed out. The MN are a naturally untrusting, and morally ambiguous group and as such, they never really set up roots anywhere. The closest we got was either Nicodranas or the Xorhaus, and those are more places to rest rather than an actual home. This also lead to them having significantly less connections than VM, with their only major allies being Yussa, Pumat, and Essek. They kind of have the respect of the Bright Queen, but that never really went anywhere. Having said all of that, one of the biggest strengths of C2 is that everybody had a well defined and established relationship with one another. Not to take potshots at C1, but some character relations were almost entirely ignored, outside of one quick dialogue between one another.

As far as abuse was concerned, almost every single member of the Nein was abused, with Molly and Cad being the exceptions that prove the rule. I don’t have to talk about Beau or Caleb, as their abuse and trauma was spelled out pretty easily. Yasha’s entire clan ruined her life because she loved the wrong person and forced her to Obann. Veth’s village seemed to see her, and treat her, as an outsider because she liked “weird” things, which lead her to doubting her own abilities and possibly being a root to her alcholism. Fjord had Sabian, the orphanage, and to an extent Vandren. Vandren’s abuse was more of showing toxic leadership to Fjord, which Fjord attempted to copy, up until he realized how shit it was and turned into the leader we saw in those last couple of episodes. And as much as we understand and can empathize with Marion, locking up a child and isolating her from people that weren’t either employees or clients inside of a house, regardless of how gilded it may be, is a horrible thing to do.

I don’t think any of the Nein particularly care for authority, and most are 100% down to topple corrupt regimes if they fuck with them. I remember at least  Beau and Jester had specific instructions from the Cobalt Soul and Arty respectively to punish those that used their power for wrong. But even outside of that, Caleb wants to burn the assembly down so it can be remade to be better, Fjord seems to believe in interpersonal hierarchies/chains of command but has no trust in government institutions as shown by his mistrust of the BQ, and complete lack of want to get involved with Dwendalian politics unless they fucked with the Nein first.

As far as Lucien being the BBEG is concerned, I think he represents every one of the themes in a relatively unique way. Of course, they initially found out about him because they wanted to help out Molly, and that’s been one of the main ways they’ve been dealing with his bullshit, both narratively and from the boss fight. It’s also worth noting that he saw the Tomb Takers more as pawns and tools, rather than companions, which spits right in the face of how the Nein treat each other. Lucien’s monologue before he blew up the Somnovem is one of the things that really got me thinking about most of the Nein having abusive parental figures. He mentions wanting to be a parent to the hive-mind, and that just really resonated with me as a horribly shitty thing to do. He also attempts to gaslights the MN, and always pushes the responsibility of his shitty actions against them onto the Nein. The authoritative bit goes with his abusive nature, he’s a narcissist and wants everything else to share in his beliefs and ideals, and will force that on them via Cognoza if they refuse him. 

All of this is so completely the opposite of how the Nein operate, that I can’t see anyone else working as a final boss other than the risen form of their old friend, who is pushing for things none of them would want, in a way none of them agree with.

Thanks for listening to me ramble if you got this far.

#Critical role #critical role spoilers